View Full Version : A Fan Fiction on Serebii Forums

27th January 2012, 10:34 PM
Yes, I know what you're thinking, but that is the title. This story follows Purple, who, along with the narrator and an extra, travel Unova, starring in a fanfic, even though he thinks the fanfic plot is too cliche for his tastes. Rated G.


Purple awoke to his pet Lillipup licking his face.

“Where am I?” He asked, and looked at the strange person sitting in his bedroom “And who are you?”

“You’re in a fanfiction on Serebii Forums,” the narrator explained “And I’m here to tell you the avid readers about your adventure through Unova.”

“I like Pokemon,” Purple said “But I don’t think I want to go on a Pokemon adventure. And what kind of a name is Purple?”

“You have to,” the narrator said “And the protagonists in Pokemon games are usually named after a color. Besides, it matches your hair.”

Purple’s hair, was in fact, purple. Besides his big purple afro, he’s the kind of kid you’d never take note of; average height, average face; in fact, he was so average it was unnatural.

“Why are you describing me?” Purple asked.

“I already told you,” the narrator answered “I’m narrating this fanfiction, and a good fanfiction needs good description.”

The narrator was, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much…

“All right,” Purple said “Get on with it.”

Much, more attractive than Purple.

“Hey!” Purple protested.

He was about as attractive as you could possibly get. He wore thick glasses on his face that somehow made him even more attractive, if that’s even possible.

“And I bet he’s modest, too,” Purple muttered sarcastically.

“Yes, yes he is!” the narrator replied. He recognized the sarcasm, but still wanted it to be noted that he was not only incredibly sexy, but also modest. In fact, the narrator is perfect in every way.

Purple had a strong desire to hit the narrator. But, because the narrator just told you that, he was well aware the Purple was feeling very violent, so he brilliantly suggested they go outside. Followed by Lillipup, they began their journey through Unova, so Purple could begin his Pokemon journey.

“Why does my fanfiction have to be so cliché?” Purple asked.

“What do you mean?” replied the narrator.

“C’mon,” Purple said “Everyone’s does a Pokemon journey fic. Try something more creative.”

And upon finishing that sentence, an extra caught Purple’s eyes. She was unnaturally average, like Purple, but even more so. Remember when the narrator said that Purple was incredibly average with the exception of his purple afro? Well, this extra had normal hair, making her, much more normal.

“Who is she?” Purple asked.

“Forget about her,” the narrator replied “She’s just an extra. She’ll pose absolutely no significance to the story whatsoever. I don’t even know why I just described her.”

“Non-sense,” Purple said “We’re going to meet her, and invite her on my Pokemon journey.”

“But she’s a stinking extra!” the narrator replied.

“Yeah,” Purple responded “Well, she’s super hot.”

“I get it,” the narrator said “The heart wants what the heart wants. Fine, go talk to her.”

Purple walked up to the extra.

“Hello,” he said “Who are you?”

“Me?” she asked “Are you talking to me?”

“Yes, you.” Purple said.

“I’m sorry,” she replied “I’m just an extra. I have no lines. My job is to stand right here for the entire fanfiction and do and say nothing.”

“That must suck,” Purple sympathized.

“It does,” she sighed, and got back to her job.

“Wait,” Purple began “Do you have a Pokemon?”

“Yeah,” she replied “An Oshawott Professor Juniper gave me. But how is that relevant?”

“How would you like to be a main character?” he asked her.

“YES!” she exclaimed “A thousand times yes!”

“Then come on Pokemon journey with me,” Purple told her “Because I’m going to pull my hair out if I’m stuck with him.”

Purple pointed to the narrator, who waved back.

The narrator walked up to them.

“Narrator,” Purple began “I’m bringing her on the journey with me. By the way, I never caught you’re name,” he said to her.

“Just call me The Extra,” she told him.

“Wait,” the narrator began “I don’t have a Pokemon! I can’t come with you on your journey!”

“Oh, darn,” Purple said sarcastically.

“Wait,” the narrator said “I’m the narrator, so I can have any Pokemon I want fall out of the sky and catch it.”

Suddenly, a shiny Raikou fell out of the sky and the narrator caught is, naming it Bob.

“It even matches my name,” the narrator commented.

“Your name is Bob?” Purple asked.

“No,” the narrator answered “My name is ShinyRaikou.”

27th January 2012, 10:40 PM
Brilliant! I LOLed all the way through! Sounds a bit like the Adventure of Adventuredness or whatever, but much better!
It'd be fun to see something like talking to a nearby character more than once gives the same reaction (like in the games).
Keep up the good work!

27th January 2012, 11:07 PM
^No, I think that's what he's making fun of, due to that particular Fiction enjoying loads of popularity on this Forum.

It's funny and all, ShinyRaikou, but considering you're also competing with the Fiction you're making fun of, I think you need some better ways to differentiate it... It's pretty much the same humor, and Missingno. Master has had months of practice.

Treecko's Awesomeness
27th January 2012, 11:40 PM
Okay, no offence, but I would just end it here. This is exactly the same as the Adventure of Adventureness, but not nearly as well written. It's plagiarism, it's against the rules, and it will get you a two month ban. I've really started to expect better of you.

27th January 2012, 11:43 PM
It's a parody fic; it's kinda supposed to be like the fic is parodying because it's putting a satirical twist to it.

In my opinion, I didnt think the fic was all that great, or funny. And maybe it's because I don't find many things funny. I found it to be a little boring and it lacked substance, but hey I have no right to say that when there's probably some who think I'm the worst writer since Cupcakes.

28th January 2012, 12:08 AM
You seem to have something going here with this parody, though I haven't read the Adventure of Adventureness so I can't say much about similarity. However, I agree with Silver that it is lacking a lot of substance.

You seem to have picked up on the idea of someone being dragged along on a Mary Sue's Pokemon journey, however nobody seems to care. While Purple seems to protest against the narrator, it just goes like this:

'Oh aren't I so cool, and he's so dumb.'

'Hey! You're not that cool.'

'Yes I am. Oh, look over there!'

This means that we get no feel of any of the characters other than, ironically, the Mary Sue parody, even though one of Mary Sues' key traits are that they have little development, if any at all. The main does not care about being dragged on a journey or insulted. The girl doesn't seem upset at her whole life is about being an extra. While a little is given, it just doesn't feel like enough.

In fact, apart from your brief looks at the characters, we have no description at all. The chapter is mostly dialogue. We don't know what the town is like, what the characters mainly look like, or how they feel. Nobody acts with surprise to the falling Raikou - while the Mary Sue aspect of it coming out of nowhere makes sense, the fact that the other two characters don't care seems a bit jarring. Even if it's just something like 'There were only a few bungalows around town, which could never match up to the narrator's awesome mansion' it would feel better.

The lack of description also means that the jokes have little to no buildup or
reactions, so a lot of their humour is lost. Most of the dialogue is exposition, which goes into 'Show, not tell'. Everything is explained off of the bat rather than given to th reader using detail, which makes your story feel flat.

Basically, bulk it up with some description, and build on your characters some more. As it stands, this looks more like a badly written fanfic than a parody of one.

Missingno. Master
28th January 2012, 4:28 AM
This fic was brought to my attention by bobandbill, who says I'd be the best judge as to whether it would constitute plagiarism of my fic. I've read it over, and while I'll admit certain elements were obviously inspired by my fanfic (the shiny legendary, the not-so-modest narrator becoming a character, the complete annihilation of the fourth wall), I don't really see this as plagiarism.

The plot appears sufficiently different. It doesn't seem to revolve around the protagonist hating how badly the story is written and/or seeking vengeance on the author (and in my fic, myself and the narrator are two different people). I'd say it's more in the same category as my fic than a total ripoff. Personally, I'm more flattered that ShinyRaikou would consider my fanfic worth parodying in the first place. I'd like to see where this goes.

Superpower Emboar
15th February 2012, 5:13 AM
Am I the only one that hasn't read Adventure of Adventureness blasphemy, i know and understand the joke of the shinyRaikou (well i think)

From what i can gather it's like the event that was held in 2010 and early 11, and you got a free Shiny Beast (being greedy, i got four of each) and like with Mystery Giuft when the animation seemingly falls out of the sky into your DS system, the Raikou falls into the Narrator's grasp. If i am completely worng correct me.

Now, I like the idea behind this and everything, but alot of people have mentioned plagiarism in this thread so far, but i m unbiased seeing as i haven't seen that other one so I feel i should probably do that before i get lynched.

all in all i thought it was a humerous and good first chapter

keep up the great work!