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SerenadeSP
1st February 2012, 3:43 AM
Been a while since I've posted something Pokemon related, so I figured a One-Shot would be a nice change of pace. Not much else to say, though, so I hope you enjoy it.









Just a Dog



My name’s Rosco. I’m just a dog. No, not one of those amazing Pokémon that everyone fawns over and over about. Just a dog.

I can’t breathe fire, I can’t shoot lightning, and I can’t leap twenty feet into the air. I can barely leap two. But I can play dead – though, no one cares if I play dead. They’d much rather watch a Gengar hypnotize someone or a Charizard melt a kid’s brains off.

That’s stupid. And dangerous. At least playing dead doesn’t cause any fatalities. Those Pokémon usually end up on the TV for the stupidest reasons. “Ooooh, look at me, I’m a Pikachu, I have a lightning bolt for a tail and can shock ya to death. I’m sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooo awesome. Let me show you all the stupid tricks I can do while I roast your toaster and your lamp and your computer and, while I’m at it, you’re goddam TV!”

There’s one thing that dogs have over Pokémon any day; dogs never change. Pokémon think they’re so cool ‘cause they can ‘evolve’ and turn from some stupid fish into a huge demonic serpent. Well – guess what – that fish tank you used to live in isn’t big enough for ya anymore, so you hafta live outside, while us dogs stay inside and stay nice and warm.

…what?

Oh, Pokéballs.

…right.

Forgot about those.

Well, let me you about Pokéballs, or should I say, spherical prisons. Yeah, that’s exactly what they are. They trap you in them so they can ignore you indefinitely, and you don’t have a choice but to stay inside. Then they transfer you into that goddam PC, which eventually gets roasted by a stupid Pikachu. Then its bye-bye for Butterfree.

Haha, Butterfree. Talk about a stupid-looking Pokémon. There’s so many stupid looking Pokémon. I mean, look at Voltorb. It’s a freakin’ ball! A freakin’ ball that looks like a freakin’ Pokéball. So that means it’s twice as stupid as it was before.

Oh, and guess what, this is the best part – when Voltorb evolves, it turns into an UP-SIDE DOWN Pokéball! Seriously, this is what natural selection chose to survive? Why not a wolf, like my cousin.

Oh boy, my cousin. He’s all jealous of those Mightyena ‘cause they have all this oh-so-amazing Pokémon powers that normal animals don’t have. IT’S A FREAKIN’ HYENA ON STERIODS! Nothing more! They can’t do anything that a normal dog couldn’t!

…what?

It can breathe fire?





… you know what. Why do I bother? Pokémon are clearly so much better than us normal animals that they should just dominate the whole goddam world. A Pokémon World!

The thing I hate the most is how people freakin’ obsess over these freakin’ Pokémon. Then they have them cockfight to the death, and the Pokémon just roll with it! WHAT THE HELL! If I did that, I’d be tested for rabies and confined in my cage for the next twenty years.

But Pokémon are special. In fact, they’re so special that they have their own *mythological deities* that rule over the others. Have you ever heard of a griffin? No? Of course not – no one likes to hear about all the cool mythological animals, it’s only the Pokémon they care about.

What if I told you that griffins are part human?

… no?

REALLY?

Wow.

People have no respect these days. But they respect Pokémon, ‘cause Pokémon deserve respect ‘cause they can harness the elements when man can also do the exact same thing with handsanitizer and steamrollers. That makes perfect sense!

Now what if I told you that Pokémon were secretly acting against you – that they only pretended to be loyal so they could get your guard down. When the time is right they’re gonna pounce on you, enslave you and your family, and turn your house into a playground for all of their Pokémon friends.

Dogs would never do that.

The worst we would do is poop on your lawn.

Then, when all of the humans are enslaved, the *mythological Pokémon deities* are gonna show up and, next thing you know, people are gonna be bowing to a goddam goat. Not a normal goat. No, of course not. It’s gonna be a Pokémon goat. One that can shoot laser beams from ten-thousand feet away. So no matter how far you run, you’re gonna get fried.

By a freakin’ goat.

So while you’re all enslaved and whatnot, I’m gonna be playing fetch with my wolf-cousin. Then afterward, we’re gonna go digging. I beat you’re jealous now. I’m free to do whatever I want ‘cause dogs aren’t stupid. They don’t fall for all the stupid Pokémon tricks that humans do. Sure, they get distracted by a stray ball, doesn’t everybody?

But noooooooo. My Pokemon wouldn’t do that do me. My Pokemon are my frieennnnds. We’re gonna train to be the best and become the Champions of the region, and the next region, and the next region, and the next region – IT’S A GODDAM LIEE!!

They’re gonna force to travel thousands and thousands of miles to collect all their Pokemon buddies together, only to attack you once they grow strong enough to take you down on their own. Hell, they could just destroy you at that moment, but they decide against it ‘cause they figure it’ll be easier to enslave more humans quickly if they’re in larger groups. And you humans fall for it.

We aren’t falling for it. We have superior instincts, we can smell their plots from miles away, and we know that you don’t stand a chance. But of course, you don’t listen to me. You’re just a dumb human.

And I’m just a dog.

Grei
20th February 2012, 5:39 AM
This is cute. I like this! I've never read a Pokemon fanfic from the perspective of an ordinary animal.

I couldn't help but feel really sorry for the poor dog. It just wants attention and love! :(

Anyway, well-written. It was hard to swallow that this was simply a really bitter dog, but besides that the fic was enjoyable to read. Nice job!

Chibi_Muffin
20th February 2012, 5:17 PM
I felt that this was a good story idea at first, but it kind of got derailed halfway through. It seems like it should focus on the feelings of the dog, and how he feels overshadowed by the Pokemon, but then it goes on about how the Pokemon are going to take over the world and kill everyone. I think that part was actually unnecessary, as there isn't anything leading to this beforehand and, again, it seems a bit random, especially as there is no evidence for it. I think this part could have worked better if...

A. You maybe directed it specifically to one trainer, the dog's owner maybe, and made the whole Pokemon betrayal thing less... Uniform. As it is, it seems overall that all dogs are loyal and good and all Pokemon are evil, and this jars with the story a little as it goes from being personal to being worldwide, as well as making a huge plothole as to why the Pokemon do this, and how they start it. What about hatched Pokemon? Et ectera. The explanation you have given seems watered down and weak, so it is very confusing. Plus, directing it to one trainer has more advantages, which I'll explain later.

B. Explain how he came to this conclusion. Right now, he almost seems like he
is making it up, which is fine if that is the impression you want. If it isn't, then explain it. For example, he could have seen or heard the Pokemon plotting. Noticed that they run off or treat their trainers weirdly. Right now, it comes across as tacked on and rambley.

If not just removing it entirely. It as it is now, a huge blanket statement of how Pokemon are evil, feels really out of place.

The first part could also do with some anecdotes from the dog. Again, it feels like a huge rant from the dog as to how Pokemon suck, rather than, as the title and opening suggest, how HE feels overshadowed by these creatures that are more powerful and 'cooler' than him. You have said that the wolf feels jealous, but other than that, there is nothing. How have Pokemon affected the dog? Has he been left out for walkies because of battling? Misses the cuddles he got as a puppy? Comparing how it was then to how it is now, in other words. In keeping with this, make sure the parts you talk about relate to the dog. Evolution, powers and battling are relevant to him, Pokeballs and legendaries are a maybe, but the Voltorb and how humans use the elements just don't fit.

In addition, you could perhaps tone down the, um, tone of the work. Right now, it feels very shouty and loud, which reduces it's impact somewhat. Use less caps, less exclamation marks, and less derogatory terms like 'stupid' and 'freaking', as, without explanation, it feels like a rant rather than a complaint. Vary your language a bit, and while you can still keep the sarcasm, don't rely on it solely.

In conclusion, it's a nice idea, but needs a bit of a cleanup. Focus less on the weird bits of Pokemon and more on the dog compared to the Pokemon, add little stories from the dog as to how he feels, and think through that, quite frankly tacked on and confusing, 'evil Pokemon' ending, and this will turn out wodnerfully.

SerenadeSP
21st February 2012, 1:31 AM
Wow, I completely forgot that I wrote this. XD


This is cute. I like this! I've never read a Pokemon fanfic from the perspective of an ordinary animal.

I couldn't help but feel really sorry for the poor dog. It just wants attention and love! :(

Anyway, well-written. It was hard to swallow that this was simply a really bitter dog, but besides that the fic was enjoyable to read. Nice job!

Thanks, I just found it funny how there are so many references to real-world animals in Pokemon, and yet no animals are ever seen. That's how this story came about.


I felt that this was a good story idea at first, but it kind of got derailed halfway through. It seems like it should focus on the feelings of the dog, and how he feels overshadowed by the Pokemon, but then it goes on about how the Pokemon are going to take over the world and kill everyone. I think that part was actually unnecessary, as there isn't anything leading to this beforehand and, again, it seems a bit random, especially as there is no evidence for it.

I think this part could have worked better if...

A. You maybe directed it specifically to one trainer, the dog's owner maybe, and made the whole Pokemon betrayal thing less... Uniform. As it is, it seems overall that all dogs are loyal and good and all Pokemon are evil, and this jars with the story a little as it goes from being personal to being worldwide, as well as making a huge plothole as to why the Pokemon do this, and how they start it. What about hatched Pokemon? Et ectera. The explanation you have given seems watered down and weak, so it is very confusing. Plus, directing it to one trainer has more advantages, which I'll explain later.

B. Explain how he came to this conclusion. Right now, he almost seems like he is making it up, which is fine if that is the impression you want. If it isn't, then explain it. For example, he could have seen or heard the Pokemon plotting. Noticed that they run off or treat their trainers weirdly. Right now, it comes across as tacked on and rambley.
If not just removing it entirely. It as it is now, a huge blanket statement of how Pokemon are evil, feels really out of place.

The first part could also do with some anecdotes from the dog. Again, it feels like a huge rant from the dog as to how Pokemon suck, rather than, as the title and opening suggest, how HE feels overshadowed by these creatures that are more powerful and 'cooler' than him. You have said that the wolf feels jealous, but other than that, there is nothing. How have Pokemon affected the dog? Has he been left out for walkies because of battling? Misses the cuddles he got as a puppy? Comparing how it was then to how it is now, in other words. In keeping with this, make sure the parts you talk about relate to the dog. Evolution, powers and battling are relevant to him, Pokeballs and legendaries are a maybe, but the Voltorb and how humans use the elements just don't fit.

In addition, you could perhaps tone down the, um, tone of the work. Right now, it feels very shouty and loud, which reduces it's impact somewhat. Use less caps, less exclamation marks, and less derogatory terms like 'stupid' and 'freaking', as, without explanation, it feels like a rant rather than a complaint. Vary your language a bit, and while you can still keep the sarcasm, don't rely on it solely.

In conclusion, it's a nice idea, but needs a bit of a cleanup. Focus less on the weird bits of Pokemon and more on the dog compared to the Pokemon, add little stories from the dog as to how he feels, and think through that, quite frankly tacked on and confusing, 'evil Pokemon' ending, and this will turn out wodnerfully.

I both agree and disagree with what you said for different reasons. I admit that I kinda rushed this (which is rare for me, I usually take my time), but I felt that the overshadowed bit didn't need outright explaination. From the beginning, I was trying to convey that Rosco isn't exactly the brightest thing that ever walked the Earth, which is why he speaks mostly with short sentences/limited vocabulary, has poor arguments to defend his case, and then starts ranting about how Pokemon are out to get everyone. I tried to keep this strictly from Rosco's prespective, although that doesn't mean I couldn't have taken it in a different direction.

The bolded sentence basically sums up this entire work. I think of it in the same vein of those stereotypical "crazy old man" speeches you always hear about, where the speaker just goes off on a tangent halfway through a story. It's meant to be rambley and loud and somewhat disorganized, mostly because that's Rosco's nature. He's basically just biased, jealous, and insane. I've always found that rants begin on a somewhat normal level, but the more the person (or, in this case, dog) gets into it, the crazier and louder things start to sound to everyone else. By the end, they're not sure why they even listened in the first place. Here I tried to mimic that.

I'm very thankful that you took the time to analyze my story in this much detail, though, so don't think that I'm taking everything you said with a grain of salt. When I get the chance to edit this again, I'll definitely take your review into consideration.

Jonah the Slaking
21st February 2012, 2:38 AM
This is the first oneshot I've read...I've gotta say, it's not bad. But is that how you really view Pokemon? I think this dog is reading too much into it.

ESPNfanatic35
21st February 2012, 4:15 AM
Now what if I told you that Pokémon were secretly acting against you – that they only pretended to be loyal so they could get your guard down. When the time is right they’re gonna pounce on you, enslave you and your family, and turn your house into a playground for all of their Pokémon friends.

Dogs would never do that.

The worst we would do is poop on your lawn.

This had me laughing! Clever, funny idea for a One Shot!

Chibi_Muffin
21st February 2012, 5:09 PM
...Oh, so it's meant to sound silly and make no sense? That's fine, then. You don't need to change the ending or what he's talking about if he's clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic. You can keep those bits how they are. However, if you're trying to show that he's either deluded or making things up to make the Pokemon look bad, you might need to make it a tad clearer that that's what he's doing. Right now, it's hard to tell if he's serious or not, and I just kinda guessed that it was meant to be serious, and mentioned the bits about the ending and the tone of the work due to that. Sorry. =P

SerenadeSP
28th February 2012, 2:43 AM
And I forgot to reply to this again. >_<


This is the first oneshot I've read...I've gotta say, it's not bad. But is that how you really view Pokemon? I think this dog is reading too much into it.

Haha, Rosco DEFINITELY is not your average (sane) dog. He's a little too crazy to handle. Thankfully he's just a dog. :D *shot*


This had me laughing! Clever, funny idea for a One Shot!

Thanks! Glad to know my sense of humor actually DOES make people laugh. I heard that's hard to do in writing.


...Oh, so it's meant to sound silly and make no sense? That's fine, then. You don't need to change the ending or what he's talking about if he's clearly a few sandwiches short of a picnic. You can keep those bits how they are. However, if you're trying to show that he's either deluded or making things up to make the Pokemon look bad, you might need to make it a tad clearer that that's what he's doing. Right now, it's hard to tell if he's serious or not, and I just kinda guessed that it was meant to be serious, and mentioned the bits about the ending and the tone of the work due to that. Sorry. =P

*thumbs up* It's fine. Still really appreciate your in-depth review, though, so no need to worry about that small oversight.

Shadow Lucario
28th February 2012, 11:22 AM
This was a really good read. I'm guessing that you have a dog and drew inspiration from that. :P Anyway, there were maybe two missing words, but nothing to really rage over. This fic also sounds like it drew inspiration from the many insane claims that some religions have had against Pokemon, saying that that kill you once you let them into your home or something like that. On another note, great one shot.