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Shadow Lucario
9th February 2012, 11:25 PM
Hello there! Shadow Lucario here with another fan fiction. If you've been here a while you may know me from my first work The Sinnoh Adventure. After working on it for a while I grew tired of it and decided to cancel it. I am probably most well known for my work Pokemon Academy: Dedication through Light and Darkness, a fic that I completed. I have attempted two fics since then and both have flopped. Now I am returning to my roots and starting a journey fic. I know that these are the most common and deemed the most unoriginal, but you can't judge a book by its cover, well in this case a fic by its genre. Enough blabbing! Here is the first chapter to Hero's Bond! Please review so that I can correct my mistakes and make the next chapter better. Now enjoy!

Name: Jayden Sector

Date of Birth: 23 March

Height: 5’ 9”

Weight: 150 lbs

Biography: Jayden was born and raised in New Bark Town by his father, Daniel Sector. His aunt, Kacie, who lived in Cherrygrove City, visited often. When Jayden was a child his father told him that his mother had left a few months after Jayden was born, not saying where she was going or if she would return. Jayden lives to make his father proud, scared that whatever he chose for his career would make his father disappointed. After his first gym battle, Jayden figured out that he loved to battle Pokémon and decided to try for the Silver Conference.

Badges: Zephyr Badge, Plain Badge, Fog Badge

Pokémon:

Cyndaquil (obtained in Distance) – Being Jayden’s started, Jayden is closest to Cyndaquil. On their walk to Cherrygrove they bonded instantly. Cyndaquil is Jayden’s last resort, being his strongest teammate. She has shown that she is willing to battle any Pokémon for Jayden when she faced off against Falkner’s Pidgeotto, a Pokémon that was much stronger and faster. Cyndaquil knows a variety of attacks such as Ember and Smokescreen, able to use all of them effectively.

Beedrill (evolved prior to City of Lights) – Jayden captured Beedrill as a Weedle just outside of Cherrygrove City. Despite being a small Pokémon, Beedrill showed his strength as a Weedle by easily defeating Kaylie’s Ledyba. During Jayden’s battle against Falkner, Weedle evolved into a Kakuna after defeating Pidgeotto. After looking into Kakuna’s eyes Jayden could tell that Weedle’s confident personality was retained. Through training, Kakuna eventually evolved into Beedrill sometime before Jayden met back up with Kaylie and co.

Pidgeotto (evolved prior to The Dark Day) – The third Pokémon Jayden caught was Pidgeotto as a Pidgey. Pidgey proved capable of holding his own against other Flying type Pokémon, matching Falkner’s Hoothoot in strength and outrunning Pidgeotto. Since evolving, Pidgeotto has become much stronger and faster, holding out against Doris’ Umbreon, an executive of Team Lustrous.

Gastly (obtained in Nightfall Part 1) – Gastly was found in an old house en route to Goldenrod City. Much to Jayden’s surprise, the house and Gastly was once his father’s. Deciding to reunite him with his long lost Pokémon, Jayden accepted Gastly as a part of his team, utilizing his skill in both Ghost and Dark type attacks.


Name: Kaylie Janson

Date of Birth: 4 August

Height: 5’ 0”

Weight: 103 lbs

Biography: Born in New Bark Town, Kaylie never knew her parents. Instead, she was raised by her grandmother. As a child, she would play with Marshall, Burton, and (by default) Jayden. Slowly over the course of their childhood up until they started their Pokémon journeys, Kaylie had developed feelings for Jayden, unsure of where they came from. Not knowing a parent’s love, Kaylie had always felt isolated, not sure of why other people were complaining about their parents. Ever since she was a small girl Kaylie has known that she would challenge eight gyms in the Johto region and eventually make it to the Silver Conference, not in the slightest unsure of her dream.

Badges: Zephyr Badge, Plain Badge, Fog Badge

Pokémon:

Croconaw (evolved prior to Dedication through Light and Darkness) – Croconaw was Kaylie’s starter as a Totodile because of which the two share a close bond. When in a pinch, Kaylie tends to rely on Croconaw and his powerful Water type attacks. Croconaw appears to love being the center of attention, not above taking bows in the middle of a battle.
Ledian (evolved prior to Nightfall Part 2) – Ledian was captured before Kaylie met up with Jayden again. Even as a Ledyba, Ledian has proven to be very strong, defeating Jayden’s Cyndaquil despite the type disadvantage. To compete with the Goldenrod Gym Leader, Whitney, Kaylie called up Ledian’s newly obtained strength to win the battle.

Aipom (obtained in Clash) – Kaylie captured Aipom when she was training for her gym battle. Aipom is both quick and nimble, almost outmaneuvering her Totodile. Despite Aipom’s speed and power, she was soon captured. Not much is known about Kaylie’s Aipom. She is able to utilize Iron Tail, a strong steel type attack.


Name: Hope Prescott

Date of Birth: 31 January

Height: 5’05”

Weight: 112

Biography: Hope was born in a small town in western Johto to two explorers. After she was born, she was left in the care of her family’s closest friend along with her brother. Growing up, they were extremely close. Once Sam had learned about Pokémon he had devoted all his time studying instead of playing with Hope. Feeling left out, Hope aspired to become a Pokémon trainer so that her brother would play with her again. Taking her guardian’s Poké Balls, she went out and caught a Hoothoot after many failed attempts and injuries on behalf of the owl. When she was only eleven years old, her brother disappeared one night without so much as a note. The only clue that Hope had about who had taken him was ball of light in a box.

Badges: Plain Badge

Pokémon:

Noctowl (evolved prior to Team Lustrous Revived) – Evolving from the Hoothoot she caught as a child, Noctowl was Hope’s first Pokémon. It is the one she relies most on in battle. Noctowl is capable of using many strong attacks such as Air Slash and Hypnosis.

Empoleon (obtained prior to City of Lights) – Empoleon was Hope’s true starter Pokémon, having obtained him as a Piplup as a child. Her parents left the small Water Pokémon with Hope so that she would have a friend to play with. Over time, Empoleon became protective of Hope, evolving to gain the strength necessary to defend her.


Name: Alexander Janson

Date of Birth: 31 December

Height: 6’0”

Weight: 189 lbs

Biography: Alexander is the older brother of Kaylie, hailing from New Bark Town. Sometime after he started his journey, Alexander joined Team Lustrous. Over the years he worked his way up through the ranks to commander. His battling skills are above average as he is able to completely able to control his Tyranitar without any resistance. Even though he is the commander of Team Lustrous, Alexander still cares for his sister. Not much is known about his past.

Pokémon:

Tyranitar (obtained prior to Blinding Light) – Tyranitar is the only Pokémon that Alexander has shown under his control. He is able to fully utilize his rock type and take many attacks such as fire and flying. Tyranitar has a somewhat elitist attitude, showing boredom when Alexander decides to battle against Pokémon weaker than him. Even so he completely listens to Alexander. Tyranitar is able to utilize strong attacks such as Slash and Stone Edge.

Chikorita (obtained prior to Before the Bond) – Chikorita was Alexander’s starter Pokémon that he received from Elm the day he left New Bark Town. Against a type advantage, Chikorita helped Alexander defeat Falkner. Sometime after his win against Falkner, Alexander ran into The Black Organization. To defend her trainer and best friend, Chikorita sacrificed herself.


Name: Burton Avery

Date of Birth: 9 July

Height: 5’10”

Weight: 112 lbs

Biography: Being friends with Marshall, Jayden, and Kaylie, Burton was born in New Bark Town. For the most part he had a normal childhood. At one point he and Marshall had been exposed to contests and decided that it was their calling. When they finally reached the appropriate age, he chose his first Pokémon with his three friends.

Pokémon: Burton has used two Pokémon thus far.

Abra (obtained in Distance) – Because of four trainers beginning their journey, Professor Elm had caught another Pokémon to be chosen, in this case an Abra. Despite being a lazy species, that usually teleports away at the first sign of battle, Burton’s Abra is aggressive, having attacked Professor Elm. He can utilize such attacks as Energy Ball and Shadow Ball. He has a unique trait where he can use Teleport on his attacks, making for deadly combos.

Poliwag (obtained prior to Illuminated Glory) – Poliwag is the second Pokémon that obtained. She battles as if the battle was a contest, her attacks always sparkling. Poliwag was able to hold her own against Jayden’s Pidgey, but eventually fell to the flying type. Poliwag is able to use the attacks Bubblebeam and Water Gun, using both to their limits.

Chapter list

First Journey Arc
Chapter 1: Distance 9 February 2012
Chapter 2: Escort (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=14223283&postcount=5) 27 February 2012
Chapter 3: Drive (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=14232739&postcount=8) 29 February 2012
Chapter 4: Light (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=14241108&postcount=11) 1 March 2012
Chapter 5: Dark (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=14246643&postcount=14) 3 March 2012
Chapter 6: Clash (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14253425#post14253425) 4 March 2012
Chapter 7: Test (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14263396#post14263396) 6 March 2012

Team Lustrous Arc
Chapter 8: Team Lustrous Revived (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14267148#post14267148) 7 March 2012
Chapter 9: Blinding Light (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14288309#post14288309) 12 March 2012
Chapter 10: Lost Luster (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14312347#post14312347) 17 March 2012
Chapter 11: Illuminated Glory (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14321448#post14321448) 20 March 2012
Chapter 12: Radiant Pride (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14329624#post14329624) 22 March 2012
Chapter 13: Fading Light (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14344310#post14344310) 26 March 2012

The Black Organization Arc
Chapter 14: Encounter with the Darkness (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14358667#post14358667) 30 March 2012
Chapter 15: The Midnight Sun (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14377663#post14377663) 4 April 2012
Chapter 16: Nightfall Part 1 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14385574#post14385574) 6 April 2012
Chapter 17: Nightfall Part 2 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14499207#post14499207) 2 May 2012

Third Faction Arc
Chapter 18: Burning Passion (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=14799673#post14799673) 7 July 2012
Chapter 19: Broken (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15130508#post15130508) 20 September 2012
Chapter 20: Dedication through Light and Darkness (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15381481#post15381481) 19 November 2012
Chapter 21: The Nine (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15425939#post15425939) 30 November 2012
Chapter 22: City of Lights (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15425939#post15425939) 19 December 2012
Chapter 23: The Dark Day (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15554717#post15554717) 7 January 2013
Chapter 24: Parting the Clouds (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15776442#post15776442) 7 March 2013

Silver Conference Arc
Chapter 25: Translucence (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=15871264#post15871264) 4 April 2013
Chapter 26: Raging Storm (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=16053837#post16053837) 10 June 2013
Chapter 27: Guiding Light (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=16259151#post16259151) 9 August 2013
Chapter 28: Fist of Fury (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=16307215#post16307215) 21 August 2013
Chapter 29: Legend (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=16359067#post16359067) 4 September 2013

Restoration Arc
Chapter 30: Return to Unity City (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=16734325#post16734325) 10 December 2013
Chapter 31: The New Path (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?560701-Hero-s-Bond-PG-13&p=16903654#post16903654) 28 January 2014
Chapter 32: In the Distance
Chapter 33: Loss
Chapter 34: A Blank Slate

Hero’s Bond


Chapter 1: Distance

“What do you want to do? That’s what everyone asks me. Do you want to challenge the gyms or dazzle people in contests? Are you made to become a Ranger and protect Pokémon or are you meant to have a Pokémon at all?”

“Sounds like your friends give you a hard time.”

“I don’t see why I have to have everything figured out right now. I’m only fourteen years old!”

“Well when I was a kid we had to make that decision by the time we were ten. Consider yourself lucky now that the laws have changed.”

A young boy and his father had been conversing as they approached their small house in a quiet town located somewhere in the Johto region. The town didn’t have many residents so just about everyone knew everyone. A sign indicated that the town was named New Bark, the town where winds of a new beginning blow.

“Burton tells me I should participate in contests like him. He even said that Marshall was going the same route,” the boy told his father.

“Listen Jayden, no matter what you choose I’ll be proud of you.” The man placed his hand on Jayden’s head, ruffling his black hair. “When is your appointment with the Professor?”

“It’s in half an hour. I’ve never been so nervous Dad! I have to tell the Professor what I’m going to choose right? I still don’t know!”

The man now put his hands on the boy’s shoulders, kneeling so they were at eye level. “You’ll be fine. Just go with whatever your heart tells you.”

Jayden bit his bottom lip, looking down at the ground. “What did you do Dad?”

“I just traveled. Originally I thought I was going to be a contest master, but I failed miserably in my first contest. That’s when I decided I just wanted to travel and see as many Pokémon as I could. Now go. You don’t want to be late.”

Jayden turned away from his father, letting out a sigh, fixing his red jacket and wiping dust off his black jeans. With a wave the boy began walking towards a large building. The building had a smoke stack on the roof, smoke emitting from it and rising in the midday sky. A few people greeted Jayden as he passed them. Once he reached the building he knocked on the large wooden door, a loud gulp coming from his throat as he swallowed. The door swung inwards to reveal a fairly young man with tousled sand colored hair.

“Jayden,” the man exclaimed, pulling his lab coat back onto his shoulder. “You’re about ten minutes early. Seems like you and your friends have a lot in common.”

Jayden looked at him confused, but when he walked into the lab he saw what he meant. In the next room were three people; two boys and a girl. The boys had been wearing similar clothing to Jayden, the colors being the only difference. The girl had sported a pink tank top and a white skirt.

“Jayden you made it!” one of the boys shouted.

“We’re all here early and we’re wearing the same style of clothing. We’ve been friends for way too long!” the other boy said with a grin.

“Then it’s a good thing we won’t be getting the same Pokémon,” the girl said crossing her arms. “That would be too many similarities in one day.”

“Speaking of Pokémon, come into the next room and make your pick,” the Professor said, pushing Jayden into the room where the other three were. “Now that we’re all here we can get you guys your first Pokémon ahead of schedule!”

“Ladies first,” said the girl, stepping up to a table that had four orbs placed on it. The top half was red while the bottom half was white. A silver strip with a white button separated them at the middle. After carefully looking over the Poké Balls, the girl picked one up and held it in the air. “Totodile is mine!”

“Come on Kaylie!” the boy in the green jacket groaned. “You know I was going to pick Totodile!”

“Too bad Marshall; it’s mine.” The girl stuck her tongue out at him.

“I guess I’ll choose next,” Jayden said, stepping up. Placing his hand over one of the balls, Jayden’s heart began to beat really fast. Oh crap! he thought. I forgot which Pokémon were being offered! Do I ask the Professor? No. That will make me look stupid. Damn! Guess I’ll have to choose randomly!

Closing his eyes, Jayden moved his hand over the balls three times before throwing his hand on one. Another groan came from Marshall as Jayden picked the ball up. “Cyndaquil was my second choice!”

“My turn,” shouted the boy in the blue jacket. He carefully looked at the two balls remaining before turning back to the Professor. “Could you tell me the last two Pokémon remaining? The only one I remembered was Cyndaquil and it was taken.”

“In past years this lab had only offered three Pokémon,” the Professor explained. “Those three were Totodile, Cyndaquil, and Chikorita. Over time there had been more and more instances of four people becoming trainers instead of three. So to make sure that no one had to wait for their Pokémon the labs decided to offer four Pokémon as opposed to three.”

“That was a nice history lesson, but that doesn’t answer my question,” the boy said, turning back to the Poké Balls.

“Well, by process of elimination one of the Pokémon left has to be Chikorita,” the Professor told him with a chuckle. “The other tends to change and this year it is an Abra, a Psychic Pokémon known for its tendency to teleport away in battle.”

“How did you catch it then?” Marshall asked.

“This Abra is different from normal Abras. Instead of running away it attacked me,” said the Professor.

“Then I’ll pick the aggressive Abra!” the boy said, swiping the ball and rubbing it against his face.

“Thank you Burton!” Marshall said as he approached the table. “I wanted Chikorita just as much as Cyndaquil!”

“Now that we have that settled it’s time I gave you the tools you need for your journey,” the Professor told them, leading them into the next room. Scrambling around the room searching through different drawers, he finally came back with four different small boxes. “In these boxes are five Poké Balls. You use these to catch different Pokémon. Also there are registration slips for either the Pokémon League, where you would collect all eight badges in the region, or the contest circuit where you would go to the many contest halls to try and collect five ribbons to enter the Grand Festival.”

Each of the kids took a box, smiles on all their faces. “I can’t wait to get to training!” Burton exclaimed, placing all the Poké Balls in his jacket pocket.

“You and me both,” Jayden said, placing them on his belt.

“So then you’ve decided on what you want to do?” Marshall asked.

Jayden chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “Of course; I’m going to-” Come on Jayden think! What is it that you want to do?! Maybe I should tell them one thing and decide later. “I’ll be in the contest circuit like you!”

“Awesome!” Marshall and Burton cheered.

“While you guys have fun with your little dancing and what not I’m going to be taking on the gyms and making my Pokémon the best battlers there are,” Kaylie told them, flipping her brown hair.

“Just because we’re going to be Coordinators doesn’t mean we won’t be able to beat you!” Burton told her. “My Pokémon are going to be both strong and elegant!”

“Now to do that you’ll have to start your journey first,” the Professor said with a chuckle.

The kids all started to laugh as they headed towards the exit. Marshall turned around and shouted, “Thanks a ton Professor Michael!”

“Please call me Professor Elm,” he shouted back. “I took my great grandfather’s name.”

“I’m going to say goodbye to my folks,” Burton said, running off.

“My grandma told me to stop by before I left,” said Kaylie, running off as well.

“Are you going to say goodbye to your dad?” Marshall asked Jayden.

“Yeah” he replied. “I’ll meet up with you sometime though.”

Marshall nodded with a grin. With their goodbyes said, Jayden began to walk back towards his house, Poké Ball in hand. During the entire ten minute walk he had been staring at the ball, not even noticing when people would say hello. When he opened the door to his house streamers and a loud popping noise greeted him. His dad had been waiting by the door with the party popper. A woman behind him blew into a kazoo, playing a made up melody.

“Dad, Aunt Kacie,” he said surprised.

“Your aunt had come over from Cherrygrove to see you off,” his dad told him.

“I couldn’t let my only nephew start his journey without seeing me first,” Kacie said, giving him a big kiss on the cheek.

“So what Pokémon did you get?” his father asked.

“I ended up choosing Cyndaquil,” Jayden answered, holding up the Poké Ball.

“Have you said hello to it yet?” Kacie asked.

Jayden shook his head. “I’m going to wait until we’re on the road. I better leave now if I want to reach Cherrygrove by dark. Will you go with me Aunt Kacie?”

“I’ll be staying here. Dan has offered to let me take the extra room. My old bones can only take so much walking in one day.”

Dan pulled his son into an embrace, smiling at him.”Your mother would be proud of you.”

Jayden’s eyes suddenly began to water. He turned, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. “I’ll see you later okay Dad?” Even though the tears had been wiped away the sadness was still present in his voice.

“Sure thing son. Make me proud.”

Once he left the house, he let a single tear slide down his face. After taking a deep breath, Jayden looked at the Poké Ball again, excitement returning. Looking down the street he saw the path that exited New Bark Town, a smile appearing on his face.

“Let’s do this Cyndaquil,” he said to the ball before placing it on his belt and running towards the exit, towards the start of his journey.

Canto
10th February 2012, 7:01 AM
Looks good so far. Well written, little to no grammatical errors or anything like that. Plus Jayden chose Cyndaquil which is always a plus in my book. Over all I say well done. Keep it up!

Psychic
10th February 2012, 9:24 AM
Personally, I found it kind of unexciting. Kid doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, talks to local professor, sees friends, sets out on his own. This kind of thing has potential, and the first part is something a lot of people can relate to. I just didn't feel like you did anything with the formula to get me interested.

Part of that, I think, lies with your main character. I honestly got very little feel for his personality in the first chapter, and consequently he felt really insubstantial and generic. He could easily be anyone - as I said, his sentiments echo a lot of people's, and that makes him relatable, which is good, but not a very substantial character as it stands. Even his reaction to the mention of his mother feels artificial and forced. That isn't what you want in a main character who is supposed to drive your story and keep readers engaged.

My advice in that area would just be to hammer him out more as a character. What are his likes and dislikes? What kind of history does he have? How does he relate to people? How did living just with his dad affect him? You then have to let his personality, his interests, the way he thinks, the way he relates to people really permeate throughout the story so we get a clear idea of who Jayden is. That way, we can feel like we're watching a real character venture into the world and want to really watch him learn and grow and find his vocation.

You can also show his emotions a lot more throughout the story. How does he feel about having said he’ll do contests? Is he content to have chosen Cyndaquil, nervous, shy to meet him, fearful he made a bad choice? Why is he putting off meeting Cyndaquil? Why would be insist on choosing a Pokemon second if he doesn’t know what he wants, anyway? What does he think about seeing his aunt? Does he want advice from his dad about what to do?

Regarding description, I saw room for improvement.

A young boy and his father had been conversing as they approached their small house in a quiet town located somewhere in the Johto region. The town didn’t have many residents so just about everyone knew everyone. A sign indicated that the town was named New Bark, the town where winds of a new beginning blow.
This is your first chance to set the scene, and you don't really use it. This is a case of "show, don't tell." It doesn't mean much to a reader if you just tell them "they're in a quiet town in the Johto region" - you have to find ways to show this through description and action. You sort of do this with the sign - you don't tell us "this story is set in New Bark Town," but you show us by describing that sign. That's exactly on the road to what you need to do, except you can go a step further by being more specific about this sign since you've introduced it - is it hanging in midair, or is it on a billboard with blinding colours next to an advertisement for tooth paste? That alone would give us an idea of what this town is like.

Anyhow, when you're stuck for ways to describe things, start with the weather. Find ways to engage all five senses - don't just describe what they see, but get into sounds, smells, even things they touch like a wooden fence or the sun or wind on their skin. Keep this in mind for the scene at the lab as well. Also, if everyone knows one another here, show Jayden and his father interacting with those people, or the way passers-by react when Jayden ignores them.

You can also get more into what people look like. You mainly only describe clothing on everyone except Jayden, and even then we don’t get much. The main things you can focus on are body type (short, athletic, lithe, etc.) and faces, facial features, and expressions/emotions on those faces. Keep in mind that people are always showing emotion, and by seeing that we can also get a clear idea of their characters.


Some weird inconsistencies I noticed included Jayden having his appointment in half an hour, and a few lines later it’s been twenty minutes and he’s ten minutes early. Also, why is it that people are becoming trainers in perfect groups of four? And if it’s four, why give out the awesome traditional three starters in a perfect type weakness and resistance triangle, then throw in one random Pokemon who isn’t from the region? In addition, it’s not bred or from the professor’s personal collection like the others, plus the only attack it knows is perfectly useless. The reason the traditional starters are always used is because they’re easy to train for newbies – trying to train an Abra as your starter would be like pulling hairs, and would likely make for a bad first training experience. Just some things to think about.


Grammatically you were mostly fine, but you do have one recurring issue. Whenever a character is being addressed, you need to have a comma before the name (or after as the need may be). Examples: “Listen, Jayden” “What did you do, Dad” “Jayden, you made it” “Come on, Kaylie” and so on. You also need comma before or after words that are just kind of tacked on, like "then" in “How did you catch it, then.” Don’t forget that all dialogue ends with a punctuation mark, so for "“Yeah” he replied" you forgot a comma after the "Yeah." Otherwise this looks fine.


This is only your first chapter, so this review isn't meant to spin you into a panic. I wanted to give you an idea of the issues I saw, and I tried to give some of the tools to improve your writing. You want to give a strong impression of your writing and the story in the first chapter, and keep improving as you go along. I hope this helped with that and that you can use some of what I said for your future writing.

Since this is a trainer fic, you need to make it stand out and keep readers engaged. Your character and his dilemma could really be great for this if you do it right, and I'm sure you can with some polishing. Good luck. :>

~Psychic

Shadow Lucario
10th February 2012, 10:14 AM
Many thanks for the review Psychic. It's been a while since I've written this type of fic so I'm still shaking the rust off. I didn't want to include too much in the first chapter. I'll fix up the mistakes for the next chapter.

Shadow Lucario
27th February 2012, 3:09 PM
Here is chapter 2 of Hero's Bond! Not much action in this chapter, but what can I say? Some will just be like that. Enjoy and as always read and review please. Starting a PM List so if you want on then let me know.

Chapter 2: Escort

“…and that’s when Marshall told me I had to know what I wanted to do. I shouldn’t have to know right?”

A few hours after receiving his first Pokémon, Jayden decided to let Cyndaquil out and walk. He had been explaining that he had no idea if he wanted to compete in contests or try to become a Pokémon champion. Cyndaquil quietly listened, nodding at certain times.

“So you’re a boy right?” Jayden asked, not sure of how to tell.

Cyndaquil shook her head fiercely. On her back the four red spots that had been present lit up, a fire being produced. Scratching her long milky colored nose, Cyndaquil looked away.

“I’m sorry,” Jayden apologized, rubbing the back of his head. “I should have been able to tell. The fur on your back is a much lighter blue than a male’s and the cream color of your underside is way prettier.”

“Cynda!” Cyndaquil said, giving Jayden a smile.

Just a few feet ahead of them a rustling was heard as the tall grass began to shake. Both Jayden and Cyndaquil stopped, not knowing what was making the noise. A loud shrilling noise filled the young trainer’s ears as a small, round bird flew out. It passed Jayden so fast he could only catch a glimpse of gold.

“What the hell was that?!” Jayden shouted, turning on his heel.

Turning around in the air was a creature that resembled an owl. Its wings couldn’t be any longer than a foot each. When the Pokémon was heading back towards the two, its big red eyes stared into Jayden’s green ones. Jayden jumped out of the way, barely dodging the bird.

“That looks like a Hoothoot, but it’s not the same color,” observed Jayden. “Is something wrong with it? Get out of here you crazy looking Hoothoot! Leave me and Cyndaquil alone!”

Picking up a rock, Jayden launched it at the Pokémon. The Hoothoot easily dodged the rock. Cyndaquil jumped into the air, tackling itself into Hoothoot. The owl fell to the ground, stunned. Quickly getting back into the air, Hoothoot flew off, a sad look on its face.

“Good job Cyndaquil,” Jayden complemented his Pokémon, patting her on the head. “You won your first battle!”

“Quil!” Cyndaquil cried with a smile.

“We better get on to Cherrygrove soon. You earned yourself a treat.”

Picking up Cyndaquil, Jayden continued on the path, lights and reflections from buildings showing themselves a few miles away. Before long Cyndaquil had fallen asleep, snuggling close to Jayden’s chest. Jayden smiled as he looked at his Pokémon.

Now I must decide. Do I want to become a coordinator or a Pokémon League competitor? There must be some way to decide. A coin toss? No that’s too random.

Cries from different Pokémon emitted from the bushes as he walked. The city lights became closer and Jayden’s heart beat accelerated. He would have to make his decision soon. A figure jumped out of the bushes to his left, causing him to jump. Jayden tightly squeezed Cyndaquil, but soon realized it was someone he knew.

“Kaylie,” he gasped, catching his breath.

“Oh Jayden it’s you,” Kaylie said in surprise. “How have the first few hours been for you?”

“Not too bad. I learned my Cyndaquil is a girl and that she can battle. She beat up a Hoothoot that was weirdly colored.”

“Was it gold by any chance?”

“Yeah, why?”

Kaylie slapped her hand on her face, chuckling a little bit. “That was a shiny Hoothoot. You don’t see Pokémon like that every day. Scientists say that one in a million Pokémon species is shiny. You just scared off the only shiny Hoothoot on this side of Johto.”

Jayden’s jaw dropped. “Oh great!” he shouted. “I meet an extremely rare Pokémon and I make it run away!”

“Heh, only you would manage something like that. Remember that time you had the one ticket that would win you backstage passes to the Jolteon’s concert, but you gave it away saying you would never win?”

“Don’t remind me! That was a long time ago anyway!”

Kaylie scratched the side of her face. “That was last week…”

“What are you doing in the bushes anyway?” Jayden asked, trying to change the subject.

“I’m looking for Pokémon. I’ve already caught one. I’m going to need a bunch of Pokémon if I want to be a good trainer. What about you?”

He held up Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokémon rubbing her eyes. “It’s still just me and Cyndaquil.”

“You’re going to want to catch some more Pokémon if you want to keep up,” Kaylie told him. “Even coordinators need lots of Pokémon.

Jayden looked off to the side, his happy expression vanishing. “I’m not even sure if that’s what I want to do…”

Kaylie gave him a sympathetic look, placing her hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay that you don’t know what you want to do. You don’t need to make up your mind now.”

“My dad told me that my mom had traveled Johto competing in gyms trying to earn admission to the Silver Conference.”

“How did she do?”

“She only got two badges before she met my dad. They began dating and soon after she only wanted to be with him. She gave up training for him.” Jayden placed Cyndaquil on the ground, taking a seat by her, leaning against a tree. “My dad originally intended to become a coordinator but found that he liked traveling too much.”

Kaylie leaned against a tree as well, crossing her arms. She looked up at the sky watching as the clouds slowly drifted across. Jayden rubbed Cyndaquil on the top of her head, smiling.

“How about you travel with me to Violet City?” Kaylie suggested. “That’s where the first gym in the Silver Conference is. You can watch me battle and decide there.”

“But I have to sign up in Cherrygrove City,” Jayden protested, “and Cherrygrove is about a week from Violet.”

“Then just sign on for the Silver Conference anyway. I’m sure you’ll see it’s a bunch of fun.”

With a look of hesitance, Jayden stood, nodding his head. He looked down at Cyndaquil and she just smiled at her trainer, nodding as well. “Cyndaquil likes the idea so I like it too.”

“Great,” Kaylie exclaimed. “Now let’s get a move on for Cherrygrove so we can register!”

Walking the rest of the way with Kaylie made Jayden feel slightly better even if he didn’t come to a full decision about his career yet. Most of the way Kaylie talked about her future plans of conquering eight gyms in Johto and then winning the Silver Conference. When Jayden brought up the possibility of her losing she scoffed saying that it wouldn’t happen. Cyndaquil trotted beside the two happily, grabbing flowers as they went. The new trainers stopped when they reached a sign, reading it quickly before continuing on.

“Welcome to Cherrygrove City,” the sign said. “A city where you can smell small flowers and a sea breeze.”

“We made it to Cherrygrove City,” Kaylie whispered. “This is the beginning of our journey. This is where we officially start. Are you ready to make a name for yourself?”

“I-I guess so,” Jayden stammered.

Grabbing him by the arm, Kaylie led Jayden into a fairly large building that was close to the city’s entrance. Its red ceiling had a large P on top. As soon as they passed the sliding glass doors the smell of clean tile filled the trainers’ noses. Pokémon cries filled the room coming from all kinds of Pokémon, some that Jayden had never seen. One area seemed to be designed for trainers to relax with their Pokémon and talk with others while the rest seemed to be an infirmary. Before Jayden could take in all the Pokémon he was pulled down the middle to a counter where a young lady with pink hair stood. Her outfit was that of a nurse’s.

“Hello and welcome to the Cherrygrove Pokémon Center,” she greeted them. “I am this city’s Nurse Joy. How may I help you?”

“We’d like to register for the Silver Conference,” Kaylie said before Jayden could utter a word.

“Identification please,” the nurse said with a smile.

“Uh, we don’t have any,” answered Jayden nervously.

“Then you will need to fill out these forms.” From under the desk, Joy pulled out two clipboards, a few pages of paper on each, and a pen at the top.

Both of the trainers took a clipboard and walked over to the trainer’s area, sitting on the nearest couch. Removing the pen, Jayden began to carefully answer all the questions that the paper had.

“Height, about 5’ 10”. Weight, around 120 lbs,” Jayden whispered to himself. “Hometown and starter Pokémon. Preferred career choice.” When he got to this question he stopped. Looking down at Cyndaquil Jayden was met with yet another smile. After putting his pen down and picking it back up Jayden simply wrote Silver Conference and slammed the pen onto the clipboard.

“Wonderful,” Joy said once they handed her the clipboards. “Now we just need to get pictures of you.”

Stepping aside, Joy pulled out a camera, a wire attached to it. After typing a few things on the keyboard, Joy motioned for Kaylie to stand against the white wall opposite the trainer section. Kaylie smiled big, a bright flash emitting from the camera. After she darted behind Joy, Jayden walked to the wall, taking a deep breath in. Right before the picture was taken Cyndaquil ran over to her trainer and jumped on his shoulder. Jayden placed his hand on top of her head and gave a soft smile. To his surprise Joy had taken the picture.

“Here you are,” said Joy, handing them their new identification cards while reaching behind the desk again. “And these are your badge cases. Once you have collected eight badges from the gyms of Johto you will be eligible to enter the Silver Conference. Good luck and we hope to see you again!”

Canto
27th February 2012, 7:35 PM
Once again, another good chapter! I liked the little moment where Jayden found out that Cyndaquil was a girl. Awkward. :/ I also feel his pain on the Shiny Hoothoot as I once had a similar experience with a Shiny Zigzagoon.

Also, I noticed one little error, I think.

“Wonderful,” Joy said once they handed her the clipboards. “Now we just need to wait pictures of you.”

I'm guessing it was supposed be "Now we just need to get pictures of you."? It just looks kinda weird. Anyways, like I said, great job and keep it up!

P.S. Add me to the PM list please. :)

Shadow Lucario
27th February 2012, 11:07 PM
Once again, another good chapter! I liked the little moment where Jayden found out that Cyndaquil was a girl. Awkward. :/ I also feel his pain on the Shiny Hoothoot as I once had a similar experience with a Shiny Zigzagoon.

Also, I noticed one little error, I think.


I'm guessing it was supposed be "Now we just need to get pictures of you."? It just looks kinda weird. Anyways, like I said, great job and keep it up!

P.S. Add me to the PM list please. :)

Thanks for the review! And for some reason I think I was going to type wait for the information to print. I'll fix that right now!

Shadow Lucario
29th February 2012, 1:42 PM
Here is the third chapter of Hero's Bond. I got it done faster than I expected. There was one part of this chapter I hated writing and I know you guys will spot it right away! I mean you guys are smart right?....Probably shouldn't have said that! Enjoy!


Chapter 3: Drive

“So what is there to do in this place?”

“Well there are restaurants and I’m sure there is someone who wants to battle.”

After taking their leave from the Pokémon Center, Kaylie and Jayden began to walk around the city, looking for a good time. Even though it had been bigger than New Bark, there weren’t as many people out. Everyone they passed didn’t give them so much as a glance, instead focusing on when they can cross the street.

“How about we have a battle?” Kaylie suggested. “I need to see how my new Pokémon is.”

“But I just put Cyndaquil back into her Poké Ball,” replied Jayden. “She is probably really tired from walking around.”

“I’m sure she will be fine! Let’s go find an open area.”

Once again Kaylie had pulled Jayden away, leading him somewhere he didn’t want to go. Dashing through crowds of people, Kaylie stopped once they reached the beach. Waves lapped against the shore, the mist hitting them in the face. Jayden stood in awe, looking out at the ocean.

“What a view…” he said barely above a whisper.

“And this is why we travel,” said Kaylie, also admiring the view. “Now let’s battle!”

Both of the trainers pulled out a Poké Ball, enlarging them to the size of tennis balls. Jayden threw his first, the ball spinning quickly as it soared through the air.

“Cyndaquil, standby!” he shouted.

When the ball cracked open, a white light shot out, hitting the ground. It slowly materialized into Cyndaquil, the Fire Mouse Pokémon igniting her back.

“Ledyba, dance!” Kaylie yelled as she threw her ball.

The same white light shot out from her Poké Ball, but hers formed a creature that resembled a very large ladybug. Its red back opened to reveal wings while its small antenna shook. As the Ledyba flew around it began to punch the air with its six arms, its eyes fixed on Cyndaquil.

“I’ll start this battle off,” said Kaylie. “Ledyba, use Tackle!”

The Bug type flew straight towards Cyndaquil, moving faster than the Fire type anticipated. Shocked, Cyndaquil attempted to jump out of the way, but was hit in the gut by Ledyba’s head. Cyndaquil rolled over in pain, clutching her gut.

“Oh no,” Jayden gasped. “Cyndaquil counter with your own Tackle!”

Cyndaquil jumped back to her feet, dashing towards Ledyba on all fours. Ledyba quickly flew out of the way when Cyndaquil jumped, a smirk on its face.

“Show them Tackle again,” Kaylie commanded.

Ledyba waited until Cyndaquil landed on the ground, flying straight at her again. When Cyndaquil turned Ledyba crashed into her knocking her over yet again.

“You need to tell your Pokémon when to dodge too!” Kaylie shouted to Jayden.

“Good idea. Cyndaquil dodge it!” Jayden shouted when he saw Ledyba closing in for another Tackle. Cyndaquil jumped over Ledyba, spinning as she descended. “Now hit it with Ember!”

Cyndaquil opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Shocked, Cyndaquil shook it off and tackled Ledyba from behind instead.

“Wait, why didn’t she use Ember?” Jayden wondered.

“She probably doesn’t know it,” explained Kaylie. “You haven’t trained enough so that she would learn that move. Ledyba, recover and then use Comet Punch!”

After regaining his composure, Ledyba flew towards Cyndaquil, appearing right in front of her before she could react. Using all six arms, Ledyba repeatedly punched Cyndaquil up and down. With the last punch, Cyndaquil was knocked into the air, hitting the ground with a soft thud.

“Yes,” Kaylie exclaimed. “I win!”

“Cyndaquil are you okay?” Jayden asked, running over to his partner. Cyndaquil sat up, a frown now on her face. “It’s okay Cyndaquil. We’ll get better with time. Then you’ll beat Ledyba and anyone else that dares to challenge us.”

“Nice battle Jayden,” Kaylie said as both trainers recalled their Pokémon. “It looks like you’ll make two great partners.”

“Your Ledyba was pretty strong. Even with a type advantage we still lost.”

“You should really try to catch another Pokémon though. For you to compete in gym matches, you’ll need more than Cyndaquil. Besides, she can’t win every match by herself.”

Jayden simply nodded, placing the ball back on his belt. “It’s getting late. We should find some place to sleep for the night.”

Kaylie laughed, punching Jayden in the arm. “What are you talking about? It’s probably only about six.”

“You can stay with me,” a shaky voice said from behind the two.

Both of the teenagers quickly turned around to see an old man smiling. He had no hair on top of his head, but he had a long white beard. His arms were placed behind his back, the long sleeves of his robe covering his hands.

“You’ll have to let me show you around Cherrygrove first,” he told them, his voice almost giving out. “You’re new trainers right? I can show you all you need to know.”

“Uh that’s okay,” Kaylie said with a nervous chuckle, grabbing Jayden for the third time. “We’ll just stay at the Pokémon Center. Thanks though.”

“People here sure are creepy,” Jayden whispered as he was dragged back to the Pokémon Center.

When they came back through the sliding glass doors Nurse Joy welcomed them back. “How may I help you?”

“We need a room for the night,” Kaylie said, slamming her hand on the counter.

“Your room will be room 315,” Joy told them handing Kaylie a key card. “The elevator is to the left and down the hall past the infirmary. Enjoy your stay here at the Cherrygrove City Pokémon Center!”

“I didn’t know you could stay at a Pokémon Center,” Jayden said as they headed to the elevator.

“My grandma told me that we should stay at Pokémon Centers as opposed to hotels,” explained Kaylie. “It’s free for trainers to stay at Pokémon Centers and since we just started out we don’t have any money for a hotel. When we start to get into more battles and beat more people we’ll earn more money.”

“So that means…”

Kaylie snickered as she pushed the call button to the elevator. “You owe me some money buddy.”

“Great. Not even a day into my journey and I’m in debt.” Jayden hung his head, sighing as they stepped on to the elevator.

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t charge you too much!”

The elevator made a loud DING! as they reached the designated floor. The section where Pokémon trainers stayed looked just as a hotel would. The hallways were about four feet in width and curved at the end. Kaylie looked at the first door and noted that the number was 301. Traveling down fourteen rooms, Kaylie placed the key card in a slot above the door handle, waiting for a beep to let them know the door was unlocked.

“What a room,” Kaylie said in awe as they stepped in.

The room was very spacious, with a sitting area a few feet in front of them. On their left had been a door that led to what they assumed was the bathroom. Behind the sitting room was a sleeping room, complete with a bunk bed and desk.

“This is the nicest room I’ve ever stayed in,” Jayden said, throwing his bag on the couch, jumping into the arm chair next to it.

“Since we’ve checked in we can go out and enjoy ourselves!” Kaylie suggested with a large smile on her face.

“Sure,” Jayden agreed, “why not?”

----------------------------------------------------

“Once the moon comes out it looks so much better!”

“You’re right. The moonlight makes everything that much better.”

Walking around Cherrygrove City at night had a different feeling than the day time. Many more people were out and fewer cars were on the road. Kaylie had changed into a black skirt with a dark blue blouse, but retained her white sneakers. Jayden replaced his red coat with a black one and his black shirt with a similar grey t-shirt. His black jeans stayed the same as did his sneakers.

“Kaylie, you look great by the way,” Jayden said, slightly blushing. “I just thought I’d let you know.”

Kaylie giggled as Jayden looked away, throwing his hands in his pockets. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about Jay. You look good too; very cute. Hey what’s going on over there?”

Kaylie pointed to a crowd of people all surrounding something they couldn’t see. Music blasted from the area, making talking very difficult. Once they reached the crowd, they pushed through to get a better view. What had been the center of attention surprised Jayden. While it was a battle it wasn’t the type he was expecting; it had been a dance battle. A person would jump into the middle of the circle and show their moves then wait for someone to try and show them up.

“How cool!” Kaylie said into Jayden’s ear. “We should join!”

“But these people look really good!” Jayden replied. “And I can’t dance!”

“You just need to move your feet!” Kaylie told him. “Besides it’s about having fun! Who cares if you don’t win?!”

The guy that had been dancing for the last few minutes finished with a high jump, landing in the splits. The crowd went wild with applause and cheers. As the song changed Kaylie stepped out. Many people were surprised to see someone step out after the last guy. There were even a few wolf whistles. Once the song picked up Kaylie began to move her feet and hands at the same time, appearing as if she had danced in a few pop music videos. The crowd cheered as she continued, bending her knees and snapping her neck, her long blonde hair flipping through the air.

I always knew she could dance, but who knew she was this good, Jayden thought. As he watched his friend dance his jaw dropped.

Kaylie then moved to the crowd, bouncing in a way. Jayden thought she had finished, but to his terror she grabbed him and pulled him into the center. Kaylie continued dancing as Jayden looked around. Not wanting to seem like a square in front of at least thirty people Jayden began to improvise. His feet made sliding movements outwards while he bent his head from side to side. To his surprise the crowd began to cheer. With a smile Jayden did the only other dance move he knew. He flopped on the ground and began to make a wave motion with his body.

“Look! He’s doing the Weedle!” someone shouted from the crowd.

This time the crowd cheered even louder. Jayden jumped to his feet and continued to make things up as he went along with it. Kaylie bumped him with her elbow, flashing him a large smile as they continued dancing. The guy who had been dancing before them had jumped into the middle of the circle and began to dance with the two. Soon the entire crowd began to dance, the music increasing in volume. Jayden linked his hands with Kaylie’s and began to jump around with her, laughing the whole time.

----------------------------------------------------

“That was the best night I’ve ever had.”

“Same here; I’m glad you suggested going out.”

A few hours after starting the dance party in the middle of the city, the crowd had dispersed, most people returning to their home or hotel. Kaylie and Jayden chose to sit on a bench not too far from where the original crowd was.

“Hey yo,” a voice said, approaching them from the direction of the site of the dance party. It had been the guy that wowed the crowd and was the first follower in their dance movement. “I just wanted to let you both know that yo’ moves was ill. Even you little dude.”

“Thanks man,” said Jayden, standing up to shake his hand.

The guy was about a head taller than Jayden and maybe two years older. He had a black soul patch that appeared to be taken care of nicely. His black hair had been short, his bangs framing his face.

“You were really good too,” Kaylie complimented him, standing up as well.

“If you ever in Cherrygrove again and feel like bustin’ a move then hit me up ight?” he told them.

“For sure,” Jayden said awkwardly, trying to imitate his speech pattern.

“Anyway,” the guy said turning to Kaylie, “the name be Phil, but you can call me Lethal P.”

“Well I’ll make it a priority to find you if I pass through,” Kaylie said with a smile. “Tonight was really fun.”

With a wave, Phil, or Lethal P, made his way to the residential area, slightly dancing until he was out of their sight. The two friends simply chuckled and, with no words said, started towards the Pokémon Center.

----------------------------------------------------

“So then what happened?”

“I punched Marshall in his face and told him that I didn’t want to go with him. You thought he would have caught on when I told him I didn’t want to the first six times.”

Once they had returned to the Pokémon Center, Kaylie and Jayden changed into their pajamas and had been sharing stories from their childhood. While they had been friends for a while they were never too close.

“You know I thought you hated me,” Kaylie admitted. “It seemed like you always ignored me.”

“Well to be honest I kinda did hate you,” Jayden said with a straight face.

“…now this is awkward.”

Jayden flopped onto the bottom bunk opposite Kaylie and held up an empty Poké Ball, holding it in the light. “This day seemed like it would never come. We’re real Pokémon trainers now. We aren’t pretending anymore.”

Kaylie silently nodded, putting her head against the pillow and staring at the top bed. “I say tomorrow we head out for Violet City. When we get there we can take another step in our journey by beating the gym leader. Before that we have to get you another Pokémon. Think you can do it?”

“Of course,” Jayden replied, setting the Poké Ball aside.

“Good. Then we need to get some sleep so we can leave early.”

“You’re right.” Jayden jumped off the bed and walked to the switch. He looked over at Kaylie and smiled. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Jayden flipped the switch, the lights going out making the room completely dark, minus a small sliver of moonlight shining in from the window. Making his way back to the bed he stopped before sliding under the blankets. “You looked really good tonight and amazed me with your moves.”

With that, Jayden quickly placed himself under the blankets looking away from Kaylie. The girl began to blush and turned the other way as well. Unbeknownst to her the boy a few feet away was blushing as well, a toothy grin on his face.

fixthe_fernback
29th February 2012, 11:07 PM
So, I've read all three chapters and I have to say, I'm enjoying it. I like that Jayden is unsure of what he wants to do with his future (I can easily relate), and am curious to see if he sticks to competing in the Silver Conference.

The battle and dance scenes in Chapter three were great. I was easily able to picture them as I read along. Overall, really great work!

Looking forward to the next chapter!

P.S. if you have a PM list, sign me up!

Canto
1st March 2012, 6:25 AM
Once again, I really enjoyed this chapter, especially seeing Jayden and Kaylie's relationship develop a little.

There was something that struck me as odd though. In the battle scene, it seemed like it was going into game logic a little bit, specifically with this quote:


“Wait, why didn’t she use Ember?” Jayden wondered.

“She probably doesn’t know it,” explained Kaylie. “You haven’t trained enough so that she would learn that move."

I don't know, it just seemed a little weirdly like the games "Levels = Learn new moves" thing, but that doesn't really matter.

~~Now for some things that I found funny/interesting~~


“You can stay with me,” a shaky voice said from behind the two.

Both of the teenagers quickly turned around to see an old man smiling. He had no hair on top of his head, but he had a long white beard. His arms were placed behind his back, the long sleeves of his robe covering his hands.

“You’ll have to let me show you around Cherrygrove first,” he told them, his voice almost giving out. “You’re new trainers right? I can show you all you need to know.”

“Uh that’s okay,” Kaylie said with a nervous chuckle, grabbing Jayden for the third time. “We’ll just stay at the Pokémon Center. Thanks though.”

“People here sure are creepy,” Jayden whispered as he was dragged back to the Pokémon Center.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_q4CjS1o_VdE/Shzdp-yCANI/AAAAAAAAC_c/5q4cWQZ0Afk/s400/a38c3def989bc24ae9d1aa864eff797d.jpg

Sorry, I couldn't resist.


“Kaylie, you look great by the way,” Jayden said, slightly blushing. “I just thought I’d let you know.”

Kaylie giggled as Jayden looked away, throwing his hands in his pockets. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about Jay. You look good too; very cute.

D'AWWW. :3


Kaylie pointed to a crowd of people all surrounding something they couldn’t see. Music blasted from the area, making talking very difficult. Once they reached the crowd, they pushed through to get a better view. What had been the center of attention surprised Jayden. While it was a battle it wasn’t the type he was expecting; it had been a dance battle. A person would jump into the middle of the circle and show their moves then wait for someone to try and show them up.

My thought: He is not about to do this.


Kaylie then moved to the crowd, bouncing in a way. Jayden thought she had finished, but to his terror she grabbed him and pulled him into the center. Kaylie continued dancing as Jayden looked around. Not wanting to seem like a square in front of at least thirty people Jayden began to improvise. His feet made sliding movements outwards while he bent his head from side to side. To his surprise the crowd began to cheer. With a smile Jayden did the only other dance move he knew. He flopped on the ground and began to make a wave motion with his body.

“Look! He’s doing the Weedle!” someone shouted from the crowd.

Oh my God, he is. But I laughed so hard at Jayden doing the worm. XD


“If you ever in Cherrygrove again and feel like bustin’ a move then hit me up ight?” he told them.

“For sure,” Jayden said awkwardly, trying to imitate his speech pattern.

Now, that made me laugh. XD


“You know I thought you hated me,” Kaylie admitted. “It seemed like you always ignored me.”

“Well to be honest I kinda did hate you,” Jayden said with a straight face.

“…now this is awkward.”

Jayden flopped onto the bottom bunk opposite Kaylie and held up an empty Poké Ball, holding it in the light. “This day seemed like it would never come. We’re real Pokémon trainers now. We aren’t pretending anymore.”

I don't know what it is about this part, but it seems weird to me. It's like they were on one subject one second and then just completely dropped it. Or maybe that was on purpose. :/ *shrug*


Jayden flipped the switch, the lights going out making the room completely dark, minus a small sliver of moonlight shining in from the window. Making his way back to the bed he stopped before sliding under the blankets. “You looked really good tonight and amazed me with your moves.”

With that, Jayden quickly placed himself under the blankets looking away from Kaylie. The girl began to blush and turned the other way as well. Unbeknownst to her the boy a few feet away was blushing as well, a toothy grin on his face.

D'AWWWWWW. :3 :3 :3

God, when did I turn into such a girl?

As always, keep up the good work!

Shadow Lucario
2nd March 2012, 5:13 AM
Hooray for half filler half plot chapters! Anyway, in this chapter I brought back a certain syndicate from my previous fan fiction. No background information is necessary to enjoy them. Here is chapter 4. Enjoy!

Chapter 4: Light

“No; you need to weaken it more!”

“He’s already weak enough. He can’t battle anymore.”

“Fine then! If it gets away then you know who to blame.”

“Go Poké Ball!”

A Poké Ball sailed through the air, hitting a worm like creature right below the giant needle on its head. The Pokémon soon changed from its yellow like color to red, being sucked into the ball. The ball clasped shut once all the energy had been sucked into it. Falling to the ground, the ball shook three times, a red light beeping in the middle. After three shakes the red light flashed once more before a loud PING! sounded.

“Wow, you actually caught it.”

Kaylie and Jayden had left Cherrygrove City once they awoke. While en route to Violet City they ran into a wild Pokémon named Weedle. Seeing this as a great opportunity to add another member to his team, Jayden quickly sent out Cyndaquil to battle it, leading to its eventual capture.

“Now we’re tied in Pokémon,” Jayden said, winking at Kaylie, spinning the Poké Ball on his index finger.

“We should get moving. Violet City is still a long way away and we need to cover a lot of ground if we want to get there soon.”

Jayden recalled Cyndaquil, placing both Poké Balls on his belt. Kaylie looked up at the sky, taking note of the sun’s position. As they began to make their way down the path the young girl looked over at Jayden, returning her eyes to the ground in front of her quickly.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” she said, avoiding looking at him.

Jayden shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head. “So do you have any idea what kind of gym is in Violet City?”

“It’s a Flying type gym. That means that we’ll be at a disadvantage with Bug type Pokémon. I’m sure we can find more Pokémon that are suited to battle Flying types on the way.”

Jayden looked around, peering at the tall grass. “I’ve only seen Weedles, Caterpies, and Rattata around here. They’re all food for Flying types.”

“Then we’ll have to try our best despite our disadvantage,” Kaylie said, a fierce determination present in her voice.

“What’s going on over there?” Jayden wondered, pointing to two people standing a few feet from each other.

“It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie observed. The two kids pulled out Poké Balls, enlarging them. “They are about to battle! Let’s go over and watch!”

“Go Pidgey,” one of them, a girl, shouted as they threw their Poké Ball.

The other one, a boy, threw his ball as well. “Show them your strength Poliwag!”

From the girl’s Poké Ball came a bird Pokémon. Its feathers were two different colors; it was mostly brown while its throat and belly were a light cream color. The boy’s Pokémon was of a completely different shape. It resembled a blue tadpole. The long tail it possessed was mostly transparent and on its white belly was a large black swirl.

“Poliwag, use Water Gun!” the boy shouted, starting the battle off.

Once Kaylie and Jayden reached the battle, the blue Pokémon known as Poliwag shot a stream of water out of its small pink mouth. Pidgey flew higher into the air, easily dodging the water. Poliwag ran under Pidgey, firing another stream of water. Unable to dodge, Pidgey was hit, falling back towards the ground.

“Recover Pidgey,” the girl yelled. “Then use Gust!”

The Flying type began to flap its wings, slowing its descent to the ground. The bird then began to flap its wings at Poliwag, a small tornado surrounding it. The Water type was bounced around the inside of the tornado, small cries of pain emitting.

“Now use Tackle!” the girl shouted.

Pidgey flew straight at Poliwag, its beak connecting with Poliwag’s stomach. Pushing it out of the tornado, Pidgey knocked Poliwag to the ground, the latter not moving once he hit the earth.

“Ah man!” the boy cried. “I lost again!”

“That was a great battle,” Kaylie said. “Both Poliwag and Pidgey were great.”

“Thanks,” the two said in unison.

Now that they got a closer look at them Jayden noticed they looked nearly exactly alike. They even wore similar clothing. The colors were exactly the same, the only difference being the girl wore a brown skirt and the boy wore brown shorts.

“I’ve been battling Stephanie in everything since we were little,” the boy said as he recalled Poliwag, placing his Poké Ball in his green jacket. “I just can’t seem to win.”

“Are you two related?” Jayden asked, trying to make a joke.

“…not funny dude,” Stephanie told him. “You wouldn’t believe how many times we get that.”

“To answer your question we are related. We are Stephanie and Phil Thompson,” the boy introduced them.

“Well I’m Kaylie Janson and this is Jayden Sector,” Kaylie told them. “We’re traveling trainers. We just started our journey the other day.”

“Then I’m sure you trainers wouldn’t mind having a battle with us,” Phil said, tossing a Poké Ball in the air.

“You idiot,” shouted Stephanie, hitting Phil in the back of the head. “Our Pokémon just got finished with a battle. They’re too tired. Isn’t that right Pidgey?”

Pidgey flew over to his trainer, letting out a tired coo. Stephanie rubbed him on the head before recalling him. Stephanie motioned for Kaylie and Jayden to follow her and after a few minutes of walking saw that there was a small village.

“This is our hometown,” Phil said, smiling as he looked out at all the buildings. “Welcome to East Village!”

All of the buildings in the village appeared old. They were all made of wood instead of brick like most modern buildings. The air was much fresher than that of Cherrygrove and the people were friendlier. They looked at you during the day, giving a very casual greeting. The siblings took the trainers to the middle of the village to a small house which Kaylie assumed to be theirs.

“Welcome to our humble home,” said Stephanie, opening the door.

The inside was extremely clean. There hadn’t been a speck of dust anywhere. The floor shined enough to the point you could see your reflection in it. Phil pointed them to the left, ushering them into a very large room that had a giant machine placed in the middle. The machine looked like a tray with places to hold Poké Balls.

“If your Pokémon need rest then place them on the machine,” Stephanie explained.

Both Kaylie and Jayden pulled out their two Poké Balls, placing them on the machine. After Stephanie punched a few things in on a keyboard the machine began to whir. Two halves of a glass dome came out from under the tray, surrounding the Poké Balls. After a flash of blue light the machine dinged and the dome disappeared. The trainers retrieved their Poké Balls and gave their thanks.

“We don’t want to burden you,” Kaylie said waving. “We’ll be on our way.”

“If you’re ever in East Village again then stop by,” Phil told them.

“Maybe we’ll meet when I start traveling,” Stephanie said hopefully.

“That’s when we’ll have our battle,” said Jayden. “Until then, train hard.”

Taking their leave of the Thompson’s, Kaylie suggested they stay in East Village for the day. As they began to walk around the small village they noticed there was no Pokémon Center. At a loss they had to ask one of the people on the street for directions.

“There are no hotels in East Village,” an old man who had been sweeping his walkway told them with a chuckle.

“Then is there a city between here and Violet City?” Kaylie asked.

“This here is the only town you’ll run into between Cherrygrove and Violet City,” the old man replied, still chuckling. “I hope you two know how to pitch a tent.”

With that the old man retreated back into his house. Jayden turned to Kaylie, a concerned look on his face. “So what do you want to do? We can go back to the Thompsons’. I’m sure they’d let us stay at their house for a night.”

“No,” Kaylie said bluntly. “We’re going to have to camp out eventually. We might as well get used to it now.”

“There’s one problem with that; I didn’t pack a tent before I left home.”

Kaylie slapped her hand to her face. “So you left home without a tent, not knowing if you would have to camp out or not?”

“I figured I would sleep under the stars if I needed to.”

“Let’s just go.”

---------------------------------

“Sir, are you sure about this? The world thinks you’re dead.”

“It’s time we continued where we originally started. We’re going back to Johto and nothing will get in my way this time. That bastard Dimitrios…he will not beat me!”

“But sir…”

“If you defy me Doris I will kill you! I let you have control of this syndicate for long enough!”

“Yes sir…”

“Enough of this sir bullsh**! You will refer to me by my name. I am Aeolus and I will purify this world. I will be the light that purges any that are not worthy! Inform all the other agents. Team Lustrous has been awakened once more!”

fixthe_fernback
2nd March 2012, 3:06 PM
Yayy, chapter 4 is here! Overall, this is a pretty solid chapter. I didn't spot any errors and the battle scene here was great. I'm interested in seeing what Team Lustrous has planned for the Johto region...

Bulba the Great!
2nd March 2012, 11:27 PM
I'm going to do this chapter-by-chapter, although I know I have some catching up to do...so for today, Chapter One. I make comments as I go along, so sorry if I ask a question or make a comment that's answered later in the chapter or fic.

Chapter One

-Interesting question, "Were you meant to have Pokemon at all?" I like it.
-Right off the bat, this reads as more of a script than a story. Maybe this is something you've already developed and learned, but always try to include description. It's a hard line to walk between PARAGRAPHS of thick, detailed, boring description and simply dialogue.
-It's funny - in my fic's universe, the age has been moved to fourteen as well. What a coincidence. Great minds think alike :D
-Interesting that they have to tell the Professor what journey they choose. Is this like, binding? Do they sign a contract in blood?

“Too bad Marshall; it’s mine.” The girl stuck her tongue out at him.
-Dunno why, but I like this action. It says a lot about the girl's personality in one sentence.
-Why isn't the Battle Frontier or Pokeathlon route mentioned? Or Pokemon Musicals, for that matter.

“Please call me Professor Elm,” he shouted back. “I took my great grandfather’s name.”
-I find this confusing. Was there a line of Professors with the surname Michael? Or is Michael his first name?
-I like the presence of his Aunt. It allows a break from the typical "Trainer-only-has-one-parent" route.
-What happened to Jayden's friends? Are they all going alone?

Well, this is a pretty standard set-up chapter. I'm curious where it'll go, as you seem to already have a plan set out. Just try to describe things more, that's all I can ask for right now. I'd love to know more about Jayden's physical appearance, as I have a pretty generic image in my head right now (unless that's an intentional gimmick you're using).

I love the Johto region. I'm excited to see where Chapter two, etc. goes.

Shadow Lucario
3rd March 2012, 9:36 AM
Plot, plot, plot, plot, plot. Finally got it rollin'! Because of where they were in the region this chapter was kind of awkward to write. Nonetheless I still had fun with it. More new characters appear in this chapter. And I'm feeling like maybe some old ones might appear in the next one. Just who could it be? :O Well I'm not telling. ;) Enjoy!


Chapter 5: Dark

“What’s his status?”

“He’s in critical condition, but he’s recovering. He should gain consciousness in a few weeks.

“No. He’ll wake up today. This is no ordinary person. This is Dimitrios.”

On the opposite side of the region from Kaylie and Jayden was a large building. In the past it served as a hospital, but after the town it had been located in burned down it had been shut down and taken over by a syndicate, serving as their headquarters. The syndicate took advantage of all the medical tools and medicines.

…Where…am I?...W-what happened to me?

“Take it easy sir! You’re still hurt!”

One the top floor, a large man lay in one of the beds, medical tape wrapped around his chest. The man sat up, clutching his head. His vision had not been clear and all he could make out of the man who had been talking was his messy brown hair and blue jacket.

“Damien, is that you?” the man asked.

“Yes sir,” he answered with a salute.

“Damien, it’s me. You know you don’t have to do that.” The man chuckled as he hopped of the bed, pulling Damien into an embrace. “Dimitrios is fine. What happened to me and where are we?”

“We’re in our headquarters just off the coast of the Johto region,” Damien explained. “And you were injured in the war with Team Lustrous. We all thought you were going to die so we brought you back here as soon as possible.”

Damien helped his leader out of the room and into a chair outside. Taking a computer from a desk not too far away, Damien showed Dimitrios their list of agents including the ones that died in the war.

“What happened to my Pokémon?” Dimitrios questioned, pushing the computer away. “Where is Lucario?”

“We found him next to your unconscious body. He had been guarding you.”

“And what of Aeolus?”

“There was a trail of blood leading out the door,” Damien told him. “Team Lustrous got to him first.”

Another man, presumably the doctor, quickly walked to Dimitrios’ side. “You don’t want to move around too much or the wounds will open up again.”

Dimitrios looked from the man to Damien, confused. “Who is he?”

“I’m Johnathan sir,” he introduced himself, sliding his hand across his white scrubs. “I’m one of the new agents.”

“I hope you are ready for some action then Johnathan.” Dimitrios stood slowly, groaning as pain shot through his shoulders. “It’s time for Team Lustrous to know the Black Organization is back.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Weedle use Poison Sting!”

“Ledyba stop that worm!”

Three days after leaving East Village, Kaylie and Jayden had decided to use their time wisely; training their bug Pokémon for the gym battle in Violet City.

“Weedle stop Ledyba with String Shot!” called Jayden.

Before Ledyba had a chance to get away, Weedle opened his tiny mouth slightly, a thin white string shooting out. Once the string hit Ledyba it stuck. Soon it began to compile, leaving Ledyba’s entire body covered, minus his head.

“Now use Poison Sting!” Jayden followed up.

Weedle lowered his head, the giant stinger on it pointed at Ledyba. The worm jumped at Ledyba, piercing the string and striking it in the side. Ledyba fell to the ground, not moving.

“Man your Weedle is strong,” Kaylie said, picking Ledyba up. “You did well Ledyba. We’ll get them next time.”

Both trainers recalled their Pokémon, shaking hands to show it was a good contest. Before breaking away, their eyes suddenly met. Not knowing what to do, Jayden froze up. He turned away quickly before Kaylie could see him blushing.

“You gonna let go of my hand sometime soon?” asked Kaylie, giggling.

“Huh? OH! Sorry!” Jayden quickly let go, his entire face turning red.

“So I was thinking that we could walk all the way through the night,” Kaylie suggested. “That way we can cover more ground and get to Violet City even faster.”

“I’m not too keen about going without sleep,” Jayden replied.

“Then find a shortcut or we’ll be walking through the night.” Kaylie smiled as she said this, knowing there was no such shortcut.

Running ahead, Jayden looked all over. Going up a small hill he scanned the landscape, looking to find some kind of secret way into the city. A large grin spread across his face as he looked back at Kaylie. All he did was point behind him. Once she got to where he was she saw a large cave about a mile away. Her jaw dropped, not believing what she was seeing.

“That can’t be…” Kaylie started before running down the hill and towards the cave. Jayden followed right behind her, smiling all the way. Once they reached the entrance Kaylie began to chuckle as she read a sign next to the entrance.

“What’s so funny?” Jayden asked, his smile disappearing.

“This is Dark Cave,” she explained. She pointed to her left, a large smile now on her face. “Violet City is that way! Looks like we’re walking through the night!”

Jayden’s head hung in shame, the thought of going a full twenty-four hours without sleep already tiring him out. Pulling her friend, Kaylie happily led the way down the path towards Violet City.

-----------------------------------------------------

“Jayden, do you see those lights?”

“Huh? Lights?”

“Yes! I think we made it!”

“After four days of walking with only an hour of rest each day we better have made it…”

On the horizon were the lights of Violet City, the place where their first gym battle would take place. Picking up the pace, Kaylie quickly began to walk towards the lights, Jayden stumbling behind her.

“Welcome to Violet City,” Kaylie read off a sign as they entered a gate of sorts. “This is it Jayden. This is where we see if we were cut out for this.”

“Yeah…” Jayden said, looking down at his feet.

“Cheer up! You’ll be excellent! I know you will!”

Compared to Cherrygrove, Violet City was crowded; EXTREMELY crowded. It was impossible to go anywhere without bumping into someone. Jayden became overwhelmed, not sure of what to do. By instinct he grabbed Kaylie’s wrist and pulled her out of the crowd with him.

“What was that about?” Kaylie asked.

“I don’t do well in crowds,” Jayden admitted. “Let’s hurry and find the Pokémon Center. It’s nearly midnight and I’m exhausted.”

Not only was Violet more crowded than Cherrygrove, but it was three times as confusing. All the streets winded around each other or ended up in a dead end. After wandering for twenty minutes, Jayden dropped to the ground, sitting on the sidewalk. Kaylie smiled at him and pointed behind him. Turning around he saw that they were in front of the large Pokémon Center, this one even bigger than the one in Cherrygrove. Proceeding through the sliding glass doors a familiar feeling swept over Jayden; it looked identical to the one in Cherrygrove.

“Welcome to the Violet City Pokémon Center,” Nurse Joy welcomed them, a smile on her face. “I am Nurse Joy. Are you two checking in for the night?”

“YES!” exclaimed Jayden, running over to the desk. “One room please. Let’s go.”

With the key in hand, Jayden ran down the hallway and repeatedly pressed the call button to the elevator. Once it came, he hopped on, holding the door open for Kaylie. The girl laughed, taking her time walking to the elevator. After checking the key, Jayden pressed the number five.

“Where did all this energy come from?” Kaylie asked, trying to talk over the Pokémon theme muzak playing in the elevator. “I thought you were tired.”

“I am tired. I’m just excited that I can finally rest. I’d rather burn out the rest of my energy to get there than using all of it and still not getting there.”

The usual ding indicated their floor. Jayden checked the key again and began to thank Arceus once he saw that the room was 501. This room was the same as the one in Cherrygrove, but reversed. Without so much as a second look at anything else, Jayden went straight to the bed, throwing his bag on the top one and sprawling out on the bottom.

“You know what we should do?” Kaylie asked aloud as she entered the room.

“No,” was Jayden’s only response.

Kaylie giggled, sitting on the opposite bed. “I was going to say talk.”

“That doesn’t involve much physical activity. Okay then. Talk.”

“I feel that in the past week I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you.” Kaylie looked down, her hands shaking slightly. She clenched them in an attempt to make them stop. “I know that we didn’t really hang out much growing up, but I always had this strange feeling about you.”

Jayden looked at her confused. “What do you mean strange?”

Kaylie bit her lip, her trembling now traveling up her arms. “Even though I didn’t really know you it’s been there. Then that night in Cherrygrove made me realize it’s even more than I thought.” Kaylie looked up, staring straight into Jayden’s eyes. “I like you, a lot.”

What? thought Jayden. She likes me? Oh, she must mean as a friend!

“That’s it?” asked Jayden surprised. “Well I like you a lot too! You’re a great friend.”

“I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”

fixthe_fernback
3rd March 2012, 3:16 PM
Another great chapter! There were no mistakes that I spotted. Interested in where the story will go from here.


“I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”

This particular scene was really well done. Keep up the good work!

Canto
4th March 2012, 2:50 AM
Once again, another great chapter! I'm really interested to see what these "Team Lustrous" and "The Black Organization" are. Should be interesting.

--------------------------------------

WARNING: POTENTIAL FREAK-OUT AHEAD.


“That doesn’t involve much physical activity. Okay then. Talk.”

“I feel that in the past week I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you.” Kaylie looked down, her hands shaking slightly. She clenched them in an attempt to make them stop. “I know that we didn’t really hang out much growing up, but I always had this strange feeling about you.”

Jayden looked at her confused. “What do you mean strange?”

Kaylie bit her lip, her trembling now traveling up her arms. “Even though I didn’t really know you it’s been there. Then that night in Cherrygrove made me realize it’s even more than I thought.” Kaylie looked up, staring straight into Jayden’s eyes. “I like you, a lot.”

What? thought Jayden. She likes me? Oh, she must mean as a friend!

“That’s it?” asked Jayden surprised. “Well I like you a lot too! You’re a great friend.”

“I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”

*makes various groaning sounds to keep from exploding*

WHAT KIND OF A FREAKING-- OK, sorry.

... *makes slightly quieter explosion-prohibiting noises*

WHAT KIND OF A FREAKING RETARD IS HE?!

In all seriousness, I found that moment really sweet, but it kills me when guys are too oblivious to realize when a girl likes them. I don't know why, but it does.

--------------------------------------

As always, keep it up!

Shadow Lucario
4th March 2012, 1:48 PM
Gah! No plot anymore! I tried to squeeze in the old character, but I couldn't find a spot for them. Oh well! I guess we'll have to see how things turn out next time. Anyway, the shippers have gotten to me! Help!

EDIT: I've been thinking of doing character biographies that I would steadily update over the course of the fan fiction. Let me know what you think about that. Then when I introduce more characters I can hold a poll.

Chapter 6: Clash

“We’re not ready yet. There is so much training that we have to do. Not only that, but we have two Pokémon. What are we going to do if it’s a three on three match?”

“Calm down. That’s why we’re training now.”

It had been a day since Kaylie and Jayden arrived in Violet City. Deciding they weren’t ready, Kaylie suggested that they do some more training before trying to challenge the gym. The two picked a small spot just outside of Violet, waiting to find wild Pokémon. From a bush jumped a Pidgey, eyeing Jayden carefully. Jayden pulled a Poké Ball from his belt. Launching the ball, it cracked open, releasing Cyndaquil.

“Start with a Tackle,” Jayden ordered.

The Fire type dashed at Pidgey, but before she could reach him the bird began to flap his wings furiously, sand and dust picking up. Cyndaquil stopped, unable to see past the dust cloud. Pidgey flew from the center of the cloud, hitting Cyndaquil in her side. The Fire Mouse began to slide, stopping herself before she tilted onto her back.

“Try an Ember,” Jayden called.

The fire on Cyndaquil’s back ignited as she ran towards Pidgey. Jumping into the air, Cyndaquil released a barrage of fireballs from her mouth. The Flying type tried to fly to the side, but was too slow. The fireballs connected with his wing. Pidgey fell to the ground, sliding a few feet backwards.

“Now go into Tackle!” shouted Jayden.

Not missing a beat, Cyndaquil began to charge Pidgey as she landed. When Pidgey got to his feet his gut was met with Cyndaquil’s head, all her weight behind the tackle. Pidgey was pushed even farther back, barely moving once he stopped. Without thinking, Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball. He launched it at Pidgey with all his might. The Poké Ball hit Pidgey, turning him into red energy. Once he was sucked into the ball, it hit the ground before shaking three times and emitting the usual ding, signaling the capture.

“Good job with your capture,” Kaylie complimented, clapping as she approached him. “Now it’s my turn to find something.”

“Good luck,” Jayden said, Cyndaquil jumping on his shoulder.

Kaylie stood, looking all around her, eyeing the rustling bushes carefully as she clutched a Poké Ball tightly. Cries could be heard, but none of the Pokémon came out. After five minutes Kaylie took a step back, about to give up. Just as she turned, a figure jumped from the trees, landing a few feet from Kaylie. Turning her head she saw that this Pokémon was a purple color, its face, stomach and feet being beige. It swung its long tail, slamming the hand on the end on the ground.

“It seems like this Aipom is challenging me,” Kaylie said with a smirk. “Your mistake will lead to your capture! Totodile, dance!”

Kaylie released the Poké Ball she was clutching, a blue Pokémon emerging from it. This Pokémon seemed to resemble a crocodile. On its chest was a yellow V that extended to both of its arms. It swung its tail as well, showing the red spines that went all the way up its back.

“Hit him with Water Gun,” Kaylie commanded.

Totodile opened his large mouth, shooting out a stream of water. The Aipom easily dodge the attack, using his tail to push himself into the air and over it. Landing gracefully, Aipom swung his tail, the hand on the end making a fist. Ducking fast, Totodile barely dodged it.

“Scratch now!” yelled Kaylie.

Totodile jumped forward, scratching Aipom across the chest. Without flinching or even moving, Aipom brought his tail down on top of Totodile, slamming him into the ground. Not missing a beat, Aipom jumped above Totodile, his tail glowing.

“Totodile, use Water Gun quickly!” cried Kaylie.

Just before he was crushed again, Totodile sprayed Aipom with another stream of water. The pressure pushed Aipom back into the air. The small monkey hit the ground with a THUD!

“Now bite onto his tail!” Kaylie ordered.

Totodile ran over to the downed Aipom, grabbing onto his tail with his mouth. Aipom let out a short scream. Kaylie motioned towards the ground with her thumb. After swinging the monkey around a few times, Totodile brought him down, slamming him into the ground. Kaylie pulled out a Poké Ball and launched it. The Poké Ball connected and shook the normal three times. DING! Aipom had been caught.

“Yes!” Kaylie cheered. “That’s three Pokémon for me as well!”

“Since we’ve worked out two of our three, how about we train our Bug types together?” Jayden suggested. “If we’re to have any chance against a gym leader then we’ll have to train all of our Pokémon.”

-----------------------------------------------

“We need to go out tonight.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s the last night before our gym battle. We should have some fun while we can. Last time we went out we had a blast.”

The sun had fallen beneath the mountains, the moon now out in its full glory. The two young trainers set out on a moonlit Violet City. At night all the crowds had vanished making walking around the city peaceful. Jayden couldn’t believe how much different the city looked without all the people. Not only that, but how pretty all the lights seemed. Different shops had different colored signs while all the street lights had an orange color to them.

“Do you know why the lights are orange?” Jayden asked Kaylie, attempting to break the silence naturally.

“No, but I’m guessing you do,” she replied giggling.

“It’s becau-” Before Jayden could finish Kaylie had wrapped his arm around her, her head leaning on his chest. Instantly he began to blush, not sure of what to do.

“Continue,” she said smiling at him.

“I-it’s because they have s-sodium in t-them,” he stammered, looking away. “Oh look a park. We should go and sit.”

Walking down the sidewalk, the two entered an empty park, a large fountain in the middle of a few benches. The fountain was of a large fish spewing water from its mouth. Jayden led Kaylie to a bench, but Kaylie pulled Jayden to the grass on the opposite side of the fountain. Kaylie sat, patting the ground next to her, telling Jayden to sit next to her. Hesitating a bit, Jayden sat, not looking at Kaylie.

“Can I ask you something?” Kaylie asked.

“Sure,” Jayden replied, still not looking at her.

“What’s it like to have parents?”

The question startled Jayden. He looked at Kaylie and the look in her eyes told him that this question was genuine. He had almost forgotten she lived with her grandma, never knowing what her parents were like.

“Well you see you always feel like they’re on your case about silly things,” Jayden started. “But then you realize they only want what’s best for you. You realize that you love them no matter what happens because they gave up everything for you.” Jayden lay back in the grass, his hands behind his head. “Then you want to please them, show them that you’re good enough for them. You don’t want to let them down.”

Kaylie placed her head on Jayden’s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “So then it’s like how growing up with my grandma was.”

“That’s what I learned from growing up with my dad. I never knew my mom.” Jayden looked up at the stars, trying to find something in them. He didn’t know what, but he looked intently at them.

“I know how that feels,” Kaylie said, snuggling closer to Jayden, shivering a bit. “You feel empty on the inside like something is missing. You want to fill that void so badly that you’ll do anything.”

A shocked expression took over Jayden’s face. It was as if she had been reading his mind. She looked up at him with a smile, a tear forming in her eye. Quickly, Jayden wiped it away, placing his hand on her cheek. For some reason he felt that only she understood him and in that moment a feeling exploded inside of him that he never knew was there. Looking into her eyes he could tell that she was experiencing something similar.

“Kaylie…that other night when you told me you liked me…Did you mean?”

“Yes…I don’t know where it came from, but…”

Before she could speak another word Jayden pressed his lips against hers. When their lips touched all of Jayden’s worries vanished. All the doubts he had about a career were gone. A light feeling in his stomach became so great he thought he would float away. Jayden could feel that he was extremely red, but he didn’t care. Once they broke apart Kaylie had been blushing just as much as he was. Jayden chuckled, stroking her cheek softly.

“Well I like you too,” he admitted.

Kaylie smiled, burying her face into his chest, trying to hide her face from him. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer. Placing her hand on his chest, another tear slid down her cheek, but not from sadness. This tear fell because the boy she admired from afar for so long fell for her. She was finally happy.

fixthe_fernback
4th March 2012, 7:05 PM
Pretty great chapter! It's good to see some relationship development in place of plot progression. Despite that, I'm looking forward to see where the story progresses in the next chapter (hopefully!).

Character biographies are a great idea. Polls are an even greater idea!

Keep up the good work!

Shadow Lucario
6th March 2012, 11:34 AM
With this chapter the First Journey Arc is over! For a last chapter I say it is pretty good. A little plot develops as well as a shocking revelation. It is considerably longer than any other chapter, but not too long. After this we will head into the Team Lustrous Arc, a part of the story that will include A LOT of character development. I should have character bios up later today. Enjoy!


Chapter 7: Test

“Are you ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Then let’s rock this.”

The day had come for Kaylie and Jayden to challenge the Violet City gym. The two trainers stood outside of the building, admiring its height. Outside the door atop two pillars were matching bird Pokémon, the words Violet City Gym etched on the pillars. Taking one look at each other, the two passed through the door. On the inside it appeared like a waiting room at the doctor’s office, a man sitting behind a desk at the far wall.

“Welcome to the Violet City gym,” he greeted them. “Are you both here to challenge the gym?”

“Yes we are,” Kaylie answered for them.

“One of you will need to wait here while the other battles Falkner,” the man told them.

“I’ll wait here,” said Jayden, taking a seat in one of the many chairs. “It is ladies first.”

Kaylie nodded at Jayden, smiling. The man showed her to an elevator on the left side of the desk. Both of them stepped on, the number above the doors rising. Once it said battlefield it stopped. Jayden grabbed one of his Poké Balls, turning it over in his hand. With a sigh he gripped it tightly, looking down at the tile floor.

“It’s just a battle,” Jayden told himself, “nothing more and nothing less; just a battle.”

He looked down at his hand and noticed it was slightly shaking. Putting the Poké Ball back on his belt he grabbed his hand, making it stop. Taking in a deep breath, he decided it best to try and decide what his strategy would be.

“I don’t even know what type of Pokémon this gym uses,” Jayden realized.

He looked around the room, hoping to find some kind of hint. Standing up, he walked over to the desk, looking over a stack of magazines. On the front was a man of about twenty. His blue hair was medium in length, a fringe covering the right side of his face. The cover read, “Falkner, Violet’s elegant gym leader, shows off Flying type Pokémon!”

Flying types huh? Jayden thought, his face scrunching. Weedle won’t be of much help. Looks like I’ll have to use Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

Picking up one of the magazines, Jayden sat back down and began to look through it. Most of the articles had been about Falkner and his Pokémon. On the back there was an ad for a body spray called Sky. In the ad was Falkner, his hair flipping behind him.

“Shows what the people of this city are interested in,” Jayden mumbled, putting the magazine in a chair next to him.

Suddenly, the sound of elevator doors sliding open was heard. Quickly looking up, Jayden saw Kaylie run out of the elevator and straight towards him. Jayden braced himself, ready for her to jump on him, but she stopped abruptly, standing right in front of him. A big smile had been placed on her face.

“Look, look!” She held out her badge case, flipping it open. The badge in the first spot resembled a feather. The light shined off of it, creating a small glare. Closing the case quickly, Kaylie began to make giggly noises as she bounced up and down. “Now it’s your turn to get one!”

With a nod, Jayden stood. He walked over to the elevator, seeing the same man from behind the desk. Jayden stepped in, careful to avoid the man. The man pushed a button and the doors closed. Jayden’s heart began to race as the elevator began to ascend. After what seemed like an eternity the elevator reached the second floor.

“So…” Jayden started, rubbing the back of his head. “Have a wife, kids?”

“Yeah,” the man answered, “two kids.”

“Good, good.” The boy looked around the elevator, whistling so he could break the silence.

“Is this your first gym battle?” the man asked, coming off just as awkward as Jayden.

“The first of many.”

Finally, the elevator reached the battlefield, screeching as it stopped. When the doors opened Jayden quickly exited. The battlefield resembled an arena, spectator seating all around the field. The field was a large rectangle with a Poké Ball etched in the middle.

“Welcome second challenger,” a voice said from across the field.

On the other side of the room the man that Jayden saw in the magazine stood, waiting. It was Falkner. He had a Poké Ball in one hand and a smirk on his face. He wore a blue kimono, his blue over shirt matching.

“I am Falkner, the Violet City Gym Leader,” Falkner introduced himself.

“I’m Jayden,” Jayden replied with a bow.

“James here will act as our referee.” Falkner pointed at the man that had accompanied Jayden on the elevator. James walked to the side of the field, picking up a red and green flag. “Now step into the trainer box so we can begin.”

Jayden walked to a smaller rectangle within the larger one. Once he stepped in it and looked across the field a feeling hit him, one he had never experienced before. The shaking had returned to his hand, but this time he couldn’t stop it. Jayden knew what the feeling was after a moment’s thought; it was the excitement that one could only feel before a battle.

“This will be a three on three match,” James announced.

Jayden’s heart sank, the excitement vanishing almost instantly. He only had three Pokémon in his possession meaning he would have to use Weedle. This is bad, he thought. I just have to hope that I can take out all three of his Pokémon with Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

“Only the challenger may substitute Pokémon,” James continued. “Once all three of one person’s Pokémon are unable to continue the battle is over. Now start!”

“Hoothoot, go!” Falkner shouted, throwing his Poké Ball.

“Pidgey, standby!” yelled Jayden, following suit.

Both of the bird Pokémon emerged from their Poké Balls flying at each other. They quickly passed each other and looped around, returning to their respective trainers.

“A Flying type,” said Falkner. “That’s what I like to see. Maybe the next generation isn’t so mindless after all. Hoothoot use Tackle!”

“Pidgey you use Tackle as well!” countered Jayden.

Once again the bird Pokémon flew straight at each other. They crashed into each other, both stopping in the middle of the air. They each tried to push the other off, but they were equal in terms of physical strength. They broke apart, flying back again.

“Pidgey try a Gust,” commanded Jayden.

Pidgey began to flap his wings furiously, a small tornado appearing. The tornado began to make its way towards Hoothoot, but Falkner and his Pokémon scoffed.

“Use the tornado’s momentum and go into a Tackle,” the gym leader ordered.

The small owl flew at the tornado, flying around it. Without flapping his wings, Hoothoot used the force of the tornado to gain speed. Launching himself off the tornado, Hoothoot hit Pidgey in the abdomen with his beak, pushing Pidgey to the ground.

“Pidgey no!” cried Jayden. “Come back with a Quick Attack!”

Pushing himself back up, Pidgey flew back into the air. Dashing at Hoothoot, white streaks came off of Pidgey’s body. Before Hoothoot could counter he was hit, falling to the ground like Pidgey had.

“Get up and use Confusion!” Falkner shouted, grinding his teeth.

Hoothoot’s red eyes began to glow a bright blue. A light shot out of them, hitting Pidgey in the wing. Jayden gasped and, not realizing what he was doing, pulled out his Poké Ball, recalling Pidgey. He pulled out another Poké Ball, a smile on his face.

“Cyndaquil standby!” he shouted, throwing the ball. Cyndaquil emerged, igniting her fire before she hit the ground. Hoothoot began to breathe heavily, wasted from the previous attack. “Hit him with Ember!”

Cyndaquil dashed towards Hoothoot, releasing a barrage of fireballs. Hoothoot attempted to dodge, but failed to move in time. All of the fireballs collided with his body, knocking Hoothoot out of the air. The Flying type hit the ground, unable to move.

“Hoothoot is unable to battle,” James called from the sideline, holding up the green flag and pointing it in Jayden’s direction. “Cyndaquil is the winner!”

“Not bad Jayden,” Falkner complimented him as he recalled Hoothoot. “You and that girl have similar battle styles; using one Pokémon to tire out mine and then substituting. Well round two starts now. Pidgey go!”

From out of Falkner’s Poké Ball came a Pidgey, virtually identical to Jayden’s. His Pidgey let out a loud screech, eyeing Cyndaquil. The bird Pokémon began to flap its wings furiously, sand and dust kicking up.

“This is just like when I captured Pidgey,” Jayden noted, shielding his eyes.

Just as his Pidgey did, Falkner’s Pidgey used the dust as cover and flew in towards Cyndaquil. Knowing his next move, Cyndaquil side stepped the bird, sliding out of the dust cloud. Pidgey performed a loop, chasing Cyndaquil.

“Pidgey go for a Quick Attack,” Falkner called.

Pidgey dove down towards Cyndaquil, picking up speed. Cyndaquil released a small barrage of fireballs, hitting Pidgey in the face. The Tiny Bird Pokémon fell back, surprised by the attack. He shook off the damage and tried again. When Cyndaquil released the fireballs again, Pidgey disappeared, hitting Cyndaquil from the side.

“That’s the way!” cheered Falkner.

“Cyndaquil use Smokescreen!” shouted Jayden.

Cyndaquil opened her mouth wide as Pidgey came in for another attack. From her mouth came a large black cloud, obscuring the view of the field. Pidgey stopped, unable to see anything.

“Now wait and go for a Tackle,” Jayden instructed.

“Pidgey clear that smoke away!” yelled Falkner.

The Flying type began to flap his wings even harder than before. Once the smoke vanished, Pidgey looked around the field, but couldn’t spot the Fire type. From beneath Pidgey, Cyndaquil jumped, colliding with Pidgey from below. The surprise attack pushed Pidgey to the ground.

“Ember now!” ordered Jayden.

Just as she had to Hoothoot, Cyndaquil dashed toward Pidgey, her fire blazing brilliantly. Pidgey attempted to fly into the air before Cyndaquil could reach him, but Cyndaquil jumped on top of Pidgey, pinning his wings to the ground. With nowhere to run, Pidgey was hit with many fireballs at point blank range. James raised the green flag again, pointing it in Jayden’s direction.

“Pidgey is unable to battle. Cyndaquil wins!” he declared.

“Yes!” Jayden cheered silently. “He only has one more Pokémon. I won’t even need to use Weedle.”

“Great job on taking out Pidgey and Hoothoot,” Falkner complimented him again, recalling the former, “but this is where I take you down. Your friend didn’t get to face this Pokémon because it was being healed.”

“What?” Jayden gasped. A bead of sweat trickled down his temple, breaking off and hitting the ground. “What is it?”

“Pidgeotto, let’s show him!” Falkner cried.

What came from this Poké Ball was larger than any other bird Jayden had seen. This bird had a large red head-crest that came down to the middle of its back. Its tail feathers were red and yellow while the rest was the same color as Pidgey; a cream color.

“What…is…that?” Jayden stood still, staring at Pidgeotto in awe.

“Pidgeotto use Wing Attack!” shouted Falkner.

Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow as it flew towards Cyndaquil. Not only was Pidgeotto much bigger than Pidgey, but it was much faster. Before Cyndaquil could think about dodging she was hit. Cyndaquil rolled backwards, shocked by Pidgeotto’s speed.

“What in the?!” Jayden was shocked too, not sure of what just happened. “Cyndaquil try an Ember.”

Cyndaquil released a barrage of fireballs, but only one managed to connect, Pidgeotto easily dodging the rest. Suddenly, a flame appeared around Pidgeotto, the bird letting out a sharp cry.

“What happened?!” Jayden asked.

“That Ember attack burned Pidgeotto,” Falkner explained. “We’ll have to end this fast then. Pidgeotto, use another Wing Attack!”

Once again Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow and again Cyndaquil was hit. Enduring the hit, Cyndaquil growled at the bird, her fire burning even brighter than before. Before Pidgeotto could come around for another attack, the flames appeared. Pidgeotto landed, breathing heavily.

“Oh no!” Falkner cried. “Pidgeotto use Gust!”

The Flying type flapped her wings furiously, rising into the air once more. Just like when Pidgey had used the attack, a tornado appeared, but this one was much larger.

“Why is everything about Pidgeotto bigger than Pidgey?!” Jayden asked, bewildered.

The tornado sucked Cyndaquil up, spitting her out like she was nothing. Cyndaquil hit the ground hard, not moving. James held up the red flag this time, pointing at Falkner.

“Cyndaquil is unable to battle!” he shouted. “The winner is Pidgeotto!”

“Maybe we can outrun her,” Jayden said to himself, recalling Cyndaquil and pulling out another Poké Ball. “That way the burn will make her weak enough for a one attack kill! Pidgey, standby!”

Pidgey shot out of the ball, flying around the field, Pidgeotto took off after him, letting out another sharp cry. Pidgey turned his head, an irritated expression on his face as he looked at his evolved form.

“Pidgeotto, don’t let him get away,” Falkner called.

“Pidgey you have to outrun her,” Jayden told his Pokémon. “Use every ounce of speed you have!”

Hearing his trainer’s words, Pidgey took off, cutting in towards the middle of the field. Pidgeotto followed, gaining on the smaller bird. Pidgey dove quickly to which the Bird Pokémon followed. Pulling up quickly, Pidgey soared just above the ground.

“Now go in for the finish!” ordered Falkner.

Pidgeotto quickly gained on Pidgey, now flying right beside him. She threw her beak at the Tiny Bird, but Pidgey rolled in the air, dodging the attack. Pidgeotto’s beak hit the ground, not even fazing the Pokémon.

“Hit him with Quick Attack!” Falkner shouted.

Once again Pidgeotto appeared right by Pidgey, this time tackling him. Pidgey fell out of the air, skidding once he hit the ground. Not moving, Jayden knew it was over. He quietly recalled Pidgey as he heard James announce the winner. Looking at his last Poké Ball, Jayden clenched his teeth, angry at himself for letting this happen. He solemnly held his Poké Ball up, ready to throw it when the flames appeared around Pidgeotto. The bird was breathing even heavier than before. Unable to maintain flight, Pidgeotto landed, about to fall over.

“Weedle, standby for battle!” Jayden roared, launching his Poké Ball.

Weedle appeared on the battlefield, an intense look on his face. Even though he was facing one of his predators no ounce of fear had been shown in Weedle’s eyes. Falkner began to laugh once he saw Weedle.

“I knew you two were alike,” he said. “She tried to use a Bug type Pokémon first, but the type advantage guaranteed my victory, just like it will here.”

“I don’t think so,” Jayden said with a smirk.

“Then I’ll show you. Pidgeotto use Wing Attack!”

As Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow, she started to run towards Weedle, unable to fly. Jayden chuckled, ready to counterattack.

“Weedle use String Shot!” he commanded.

From his tiny mouth came a thin white string. The string began to wrap itself around Pidgeotto, binding her wings. Shocked, Pidgeotto came to a stop, trying to break free from the string.

“What the hell?!” Falkner cursed.

“Go for a Poison Sting!” Jayden shouted.

Weedle jumped at Pidgeotto, piercing the string with his stinger, hitting Pidgeotto in the side. The Bird Pokémon stumbled back. The flames appeared again, this time making Pidgeotto fall to the ground.

“Another one! Finish this Weedle!” Jayden yelled, punching the air.

Weedle jumped again, piercing Pidgeotto on the other side. Pidgeotto let out one last screech before not being able to move. James held up the green flag and began to speak, but Jayden’s joy drowned him out. He ran over to Weedle and picked him up, swinging him around in the air.

“You were awesome Weedle!” Jayden complimented his Pokémon. Weedle smiled, rubbing against his trainer’s head.

“You did a great job Jayden,” Falkner said, walking up to him. In his hand he held the same badge that Kaylie had shown him earlier. “You deserve this Zephyr Badge. Congratulations on making your first step towards the Silver Conference!”

Taking the badge, Jayden took one look at it before holding it in front of Weedle. “I have this badge because you, Cyndaquil, and Pidgey are amazing Pokémon. I couldn’t have done this with any other Pokémon. Thank you Weedle.”

Weedle began to bounce up and down before he suddenly started to glow. The light was blinding, but for some reason Jayden was mesmerized. Weedle began to change shape, morphing into a cocoon like creature. When the light disappeared, in his arms was a large yellow cocoon. Jayden looked into his eyes and could feel the same smile as before. His Weedle evolved into a Kakuna.

---------------------------------------------------------

“We should celebrate!”

“I want to heal my Pokémon first. Then we can celebrate.”

“So, are the gyms for you?”

“I felt this unexplainable rush when I was battling Falkner. It was amazing. As I called the commands it felt natural, like I was meant to do this.”

“I think we just found your career.”

After leaving the Violet City gym, Kaylie and Jayden headed back to the Pokémon Center. Deciding to leave their Pokémon with Nurse Joy for healing, the two trainers exited the Center.

“Where should we celebrate?” Kaylie wondered, looking around.

“How about a meal on me?” Jayden suggested.

“That sounds great! I hear from the locals that Miltank’s Café is the best spot in the city!”

“Where is it?”

Kaylie looked around the street again, trying to figure out where she was exactly. “It should be just behind that building!” She pointed across the street to a large office building, an alleyway making a path between it and a smaller building next to it. The two crossed the street, looking both ways for cars, and ran through the alleyway, giggling the whole time.

“I can’t believe that we have our first badge,” Kaylie said, still giggling a little bit.

“It does seem kind of surreal huh?” Jayden chuckled, holding open the door to the café once they reached it.

Inside it appeared like your usual café; tables all around, some lounge chairs, and a large counter that you could sit at. Behind the counter was something that you wouldn’t usually see at a café. Instead of normal human workers there stood three large cow like Pokémon. A woman in a maid’s outfit stood at the middle of the counter, taking the orders and yelling them back at the Pokémon. Many people sat at the tables, conversing about many different things.

“Wow. This café is run by Miltank,” Jayden observed. “Who would have thought the name would be so significant to the establishment?”

“Hey there,” the bar maid called out to Jayden and Kaylie. “What can I get ya?”

“I’ll have the Moo-Moo Milk Butter Pancakes with a glass of Moo-Moo Milk,” Kaylie said as they reached the counter.

“Too many moos,” Jayden said to Kaylie. “The Miltank might think you’re talking to them.”

“And what can I get ya Mr. Jokes?” the bar maid asked Jayden.

“I’ll just take the pancakes with a glass of milk,” he replied, sitting at the counter.

“What would you like?” the bar maid asked again, her country accent thicker than before.

“You heard me,” Jayden said, a little frustrated. “Pancakes and milk.”

“She’s waiting for you to say the Moo-Moos,” a woman said standing behind Jayden. “Hey there Bianca.”

“Two orders of Moo-Moo Butter Milk pancakes and two glasses of Moo-Moo milk,” the bar maid known as Bianca told the Miltank. As two of them began to prepare the food the other brought out two glasses filled with milk. “How’s it goin’ Hope? You doin’ well I reckon?”

“Still just traveling,” Hope answered.

“Um, are we in the way of your conversation?” asked Kaylie, nervously chuckling. “We can take a table.”

“No,” answered Hope. “I’ll just sit up here next to you girly.”

Kaylie chuckled again, a little less nervousness in the laugh. She just sat twiddling her thumbs, her eyes on the counter. Jayden tapped his fingers against the milk glass as he held it, listening to the girls talk.

“How goes your mission?” Bianca asked, “Find out anything else?”

“I found out quite a lot,” Hope said, lowering her voice. “I know where Team Lustrous is hiding and who their leader is. It’s a woman by the name of Lillian Sector.”

Once he heard the name, Jayden’s eyes widened, his grip on the glass tightening. Soon the glass cracked from the pressure, milk spilling on the counter. Without thinking he grabbed Hope by the collar. “Where is it?! Tell me now!”

“Whoa, whoa,” Hope said in shock. “What’s it to you?”

“That woman, Lillian Sector, is my mother!”

The Oncoming Storm
6th March 2012, 1:16 PM
Its alright. I do not like the way the relationship developed. it seemed a bit rushed and immature. I know theya are only 14 but unless you plan on breaking them up in this fic then it seems like and unrealistic start to a long term thing.

The battle was okay. I dont get why hoo- hoot is flying when its never been shown to be able to fly before. Another thing is you have pidgey being hit from below and then being forced to the ground. I just don't pictre flying pokemon being manipulated by hits in that fashion.

I will say though that the whole evil mom thing is intresting.

Shadow Lucario
6th March 2012, 1:27 PM
Its alright. I do not like the way the relationship developed. it seemed a bit rushed and immature. I know theya are only 14 but unless you plan on breaking them up in this fic then it seems like and unrealistic start to a long term thing.

No. I never planned for it to be long term. It's just two fourteen year olds exploring interests.


The battle was okay. I dont get why hoo- hoot is flying when its never been shown to be able to fly before. Another thing is you have pidgey being hit from below and then being forced to the ground. I just don't pictre flying pokemon being manipulated by hits in that fashion.

Hoothoot is a Normal/Flying type Pokemon. It can fly and has been shown flying. As for Pidgey, I applied simple physics. It was hit from below, surprised, and then couldn't keep airborne, therefore Pidgey meets floor.


I will say though that the whole evil mom thing is intresting.

It was a plot point I tried to explore in a previous fan fiction, but that fan fiction was never completed and I never got to end that subplot so I'm going to try again and hopefully this time will get to complete it.

fixthe_fernback
7th March 2012, 2:55 AM
Great chapter! Once again, I saw no errors.
Keep up the good work!

Canto
7th March 2012, 4:08 AM
I guess I have a little catching up to do. *cracks knuckles* Let's git 'er done.

Chapter 6:


“Do you know why the lights are orange?” Jayden asked Kaylie, attempting to break the silence naturally.

“No, but I’m guessing you do,” she replied giggling.

“It’s becau-” Before Jayden could finish Kaylie had wrapped his arm around her, her head leaning on his chest. Instantly he began to blush, not sure of what to do.

“Continue,” she said smiling at him.

“I-it’s because they have s-sodium in t-them,” he stammered, looking away. “Oh look a park. We should go and sit.”

Haha! That was funny. I guess that's where the realization started huh?


“Can I ask you something?” Kaylie asked.

“Sure,” Jayden replied, still not looking at her.

“What’s it like to have parents?”

Did anyone else hear that shattering sound? Cause that was my heart breaking. Just kidding, but that was kinda sad.


A shocked expression took over Jayden’s face. It was as if she had been reading his mind. She looked up at him with a smile, a tear forming in her eye. Quickly, Jayden wiped it away, placing his hand on her cheek. For some reason he felt that only she understood him and in that moment a feeling exploded inside of him that he never knew was there. Looking into her eyes he could tell that she was experiencing something similar.

“Kaylie…that other night when you told me you liked me…Did you mean?”

“Yes…I don’t know where it came from, but…”

Before she could speak another word Jayden pressed his lips against hers. When their lips touched all of Jayden’s worries vanished. All the doubts he had about a career were gone. A light feeling in his stomach became so great he thought he would float away. Jayden could feel that he was extremely red, but he didn’t care. Once they broke apart Kaylie had been blushing just as much as he was. Jayden chuckled, stroking her cheek softly.

“Well I like you too,” he admitted.

Kaylie smiled, burying her face into his chest, trying to hide her face from him. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer. Placing her hand on his chest, another tear slid down her cheek, but not from sadness. This tear fell because the boy she admired from afar for so long fell for her. She was finally happy.

Well, it looks like my freak-out was for nothing. I kinda had a feeling that would happen though. (/liar)

Like Volt Trainer said it does seem like it went a little too fast. But, I'm sure you've got something up your sleeve for later.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 7:


“Are you ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Then let’s rock this.”

Does anyone else see an unintentional pun here?


Picking up one of the magazines, Jayden sat back down and began to look through it. Most of the articles had been about Falkner and his Pokémon. On the back there was an ad for a body spray called Sky. In the ad was Falkner, his hair flipping behind him.

Falkner always did seem like an Axe guy to me.


“So…” Jayden started, rubbing the back of his head. “Have a wife, kids?”

“Yeah,” the man answered, “two kids.”

“Good, good.” The boy looked around the elevator, whistling so he could break the silence.

“Is this your first gym battle?” the man asked, coming off just as awkward as Jayden.

“The first of many.”

Haha, I love those awkward moments like that. XD

The battle scene is too long to quote here, but I just wanna say that I really liked it. You probably have some of the best battle descriptions I've seen.


Weedle began to bounce up and down before he suddenly started to glow. The light was blinding, but for some reason Jayden was mesmerized. Weedle began to change shape, morphing into a cocoon like creature. When the light disappeared, in his arms was a large yellow cocoon. Jayden looked into his eyes and could feel the same smile as before. His Weedle evolved into a Kakuna.

For some reason I saw this coming. It feels kinda weird though. It's like, Jayden's probably never seen a Pokémon evolve before, right? So, you would think he would be confused by what was happening, probably freaking out and thinking something was wrong.

Then again, he probably already has some knowledge of evolution, so he knew what was happening.


“Too many moos,” Jayden said to Kaylie. “The Miltank might think you’re talking to them.”

“And what can I get ya Mr. Jokes?” the bar maid asked Jayden.

Ooooh. Buuuurn.


“How goes your mission?” Bianca asked, “Find out anything else?”

“I found out quite a lot,” Hope said, lowering her voice. “I know where Team Lustrous is hiding and who their leader is. It’s a woman by the name of Lillian Sector.”

Once he heard the name, Jayden’s eyes widened, his grip on the glass tightening. Soon the glass cracked from the pressure, milk spilling on the counter. Without thinking he grabbed Hope by the collar. “Where is it?! Tell me now!”

“Whoa, whoa,” Hope said in shock. “What’s it to you?”

“That woman, Lillian Sector, is my mother!”

*dun dun duuuun* Wow. Now that, I did not see coming. Now I'm really interested to see how this turns out.

As always, great job and I'm looking forward to more!

EDIT: This post looked a lot longer while I was typing it. :/

Shadow Lucario
7th March 2012, 1:02 PM
This marks the first chapter in the Team Lustrous Arc! This one will have much more action than the first arc. As you can probably tell this arc will center on the mysterious syndicate known as Team Lustrous. Don't forget about the equally mysterious Black Organization. On another note I added character bios to the first post. The spoiler is at the top. Check them out if you want. Now onto the chapter. Enjoy!


Chapter 8: Team Lustrous Revived

“Are you absolutely sure they are in there? You’re completely positive that Lillian Sector is in there?”

“For the millionth time I’m sure. My intelligence told me they have a base in Sprout Tower.”

After shaking down Hope in Miltank’s Café, Jayden told her to show him exactly where Team Lustrous was, where his mother was. He and Kaylie rushed back to the Pokémon Center to pick up their Pokémon. Hope stood outside the building, looking at the tower in the distance behind the Pokémon Center.

“I’ll save you brother,” she whispered.

The sliding doors to the Pokémon Center opened, Jayden stepping out, a serious look on his face. “Let’s go.” Without any more words Jayden began to make his way to the tower.

Something snapped inside him, Kaylie thought, following him with a worried look. What is it about his mom that is making him act this way?

The sun had begun its descent, sinking down behind the mountains. An ominous wind blew over the three as they walked in and out of the crowds, the tower now looming over them. Outside were two men, both in white robes and off white dress shirts. Their pants had been a tan color and their shoes black. Jayden walked to the door, but the men placed their hands on his chest, stopping him.

“Whoa there kid,” one said. “We can’t let you in there.”

“And why is that?” demanded Jayden.

“Hey man, get out of the way!” Hope yelled as she threw a Poké Ball.

From the Poké Ball came a large owl. It was a light brown color, its wings being slightly darker. Atop its head was a large U shaped head crest. When the owl came forth it stared into the eyes of the men, the Pokémon’s eyes glowing blue. The men fell to the ground instantly, asleep.

“Great job Noctowl,” Hope complimented him as he flew by his trainer.

“Mom, are you here?” Jayden asked himself, rushing into the tower.

When the three trainers entered the tower, the wood beneath them squeaked loud. The inside was nearly empty, save for a staircase at the back, statues of a Pokémon that had a vine like body and a large pillar in the middle.

“We’ve got to get to the top,” Hope told them, leading them to the staircase.

“Why the top?” Kaylie asked.

“My intelligence told me that there weren’t too many people here, but they would all be at the top,” she answered.

Jayden stayed silent as they ascended the stairs. The staircase led to a narrow hallway about three feet in width. Light became scarce on the second floor, the only sources being a few torches on the wall. The hallway led to a large room, a giant statue of the same Pokémon in the middle. Two staircases had been in the same spot; at the top left of the room. The trainers ran across the room, the wood squeaking the entire way. Taking the stairs up, they came to another hallway, but light had been emanating from the room ahead. Hope slowed the pace down, carefully approaching the light. Peering into the room, Hope saw seven more people dressed exactly like the men outside. A woman had been talking, giving them what appeared to be steps on what to do now that they were at Sprout Tower.

“…then Gene will give you your Pokémon. They will be weak, but everyone starts somewhere right? Even my Pokémon isn’t fully evolved.”

“There’s a woman in here,” Hope whispered back to Jayden and Kaylie. “It appears that she is the leader. Let’s go in and question her.”

All three of them dashed into the room, making a small blockade between the Team Lustrous members and the exit. Startled, all the members turned and looked at the young trainers, not sure of what was going on.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” the woman asked.

“We’ve come to ask you a few questions,” Hope said. Looking back at Jayden she could see the rage slowly building inside and decided she better ask her questions fast. “Where is Lillian Sector?”

“Lillian Sector…” The woman seemed to know her, probing her memory in an attempt to remember who she was exactly. “Do you mean Lillian Sector of Goldenrod City?”

“Yes,” Jayden answered bluntly, not saying anything else.

“Well I heard she had tried to leave Team Lustrous on more than one occasion,” the woman answered. “Thing is, if you’re high up in the syndicate like she was, there is no leaving. She apparently tried to tell the boss that she wanted to start a family. He thought she would give away valuable information so she was snuffed out.”

When the words left the woman’s mouth Jayden’s jaw dropped. Kaylie’s hand instinctively covered her mouth while Hope looked away, knowing what Jayden’s reaction was going to be. A tear built up in his eye, slowly sliding down his cheek before hitting the wood floor.

“You must be her kid,” the woman said with a sigh once she saw the tear. “Listen kid, I’m sorry about your mother, but Team Lustrous just isn’t the type of organization to leave. Not when you’re the second in command.”

Before another tear could roll down his face, Jayden wiped it away, facing the ground. Hope looked over at Jayden, a feeling of sorrow sprouting in her stomach. She turned back to the woman, her sadness now overcome by determination. “Now tell me where Sam is.”

“I’m sorry girly, but there is no one named Sam here,” the woman answered with a smirk.

“You’re lying,” Kaylie said, not thinking about what she said. She quickly clasped her hand to her mouth, wishing she could take it back.

“Maybe I am,” the woman said with a chuckle. “You have no way of proving it. You know, I was going to let you go, but that little crack your friend made has changed my mind. I should just get rid of you here.”

Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball, stepping in front of the girls, but Kaylie and Hope stepped forward too, Poké Balls of their own in hand. The woman from Team Lustrous threw a Poké Ball into the air, releasing a Pokémon that resembled all the statues, the differences being that it had no vine body and it was bell shaped. It was yellow in color while the two leaves it had on the side were green. Jayden sent out Pidgey while Kaylie called on Ledyba. Hope clutched her Poké Ball tightly, not letting go of it.

“If you’re not going to battle then get out of here!” Jayden yelled at Hope.

Hearing him loud and clear, Hope ran down the stairs. The woman motioned for two men to follow her. The men saluted before chasing Hope down the stairs.

“Watch and learn,” the woman told the rest of the Team Lustrous members in the room. “Weepinbell use Acid!”

From Weepinbell’s mouth came a stream of violet liquid, shooting out with great speed. Pidgey and Ledyba both flew around the acid and towards Weepinbell.

“Use Tackle!” Kaylie and Jayden ordered in unison.

Both Pokémon flew to Weepinbell’s sides, planning to squish him between the two. The woman laughed as she made a flicking motion. Weepinbell jumped forward, the two allies colliding into each other. Brushing it off, they chased after Weepinbell again.

“Hit them with Razor Leaf,” the woman said chuckling.

Waving his leaves in the direction of Pidgey and Ledyba, Weepinbell shot off dozens of leaves that were as sharp as knives. Pidgey easily dodged them all while Ledyba was hit in the chest. Falling to the ground, Ledyba pushed herself to her feet.

“Go with Comet Punch!” shouted Kaylie.

Ledyba’s fist began to glow as she flew towards Weepinbell. Throwing a punch, Ledyba barely missed as Weepinbell barely dodged it.

“Now Pidgey!” Jayden yelled. “Use Quick Attack!”

Before Weepinbell could turn around, Pidgey dove straight towards him, tackling him from behind. Weepinbell was pushed over, surprised by the attack. Pidgey came back around, tackling Weepinbell again.

“Weepinbell, get up and use Vine Whip!” the woman yelled, getting frustrated.

The Grass type turned back over and two vines shot out of his sides. Pidgey whacked one away with his wing while Ledyba punched the other. The vines hit the ground and bounced back, faster than before. They wrapped themselves around Ledyba and Pidgey, constricting them. Weepinbell then began to slam them into the ground, letting them go on the third slam.

“Pidgey try a Gust!” Jayden commanded.

Pidgey jumped back into the air, flapping his wings vigorously. The tornado that he created rivaled the one Falkner’s Pidgeotto made. As it traveled towards Weepinbell, the tornado tore the wood on the floor and the ceiling, nearly taking it off completely. Helpless to the attack, Weepinbell was sucked into the middle of the tornado, bouncing around like a pinball.

“Now Tackle!” Kaylie and Jayden shouted in unison.

Both Ledyba and Pidgey flew through the tornado, colliding with Weepinbell, pushing him out and onto the ground. Weepinbell attempted to get back up, but fell shortly after. The woman cursed under her breath as she recalled Weepinbell. Jayden pulled out another Poké Ball, tossing it in the air. From the ball came Kakuna.

“Kakuna, can you still use String Shot?” Jayden asked him. When Kakuna nodded (sort of) his trainer pointed at the members of Team Lustrous. “Tie them up with String Shot and make sure they can’t move a thing.”

Turning to the people in white, Kakuna released the familiar string. It slowly began to build up, bind the Team Lustrous members to each other. The woman tried to break free, but was unable to rip the string. Jayden and Kaylie recalled their Pokémon and ran down the stairs. Once they exited the tower they found the two men who had chased Hope asleep with the two that had been standing guard outside the tower. Hope was sitting on the sidewalk not too far from there tapping her foot.

“Hey,” called Jayden. “You need to contact the police. We have them tied up in there.”

“Wouldn’t that be your job?” Hope asked, standing as they reached her.

“I don’t know where the police station is,” Jayden admitted, crossing his arms.

“I’m really sorry about your mom Jay,” Kaylie said, placing her hand on Jayden’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it must be rough finding that out,” Hope added.

“I’m fine,” Jayden told them, showing a smile. “I was upset at first, but during our battle with that lady I realized that even though my mom isn’t in the physical world she still lives on in me.”

Kaylie smiled at Jayden, happy about his positive view. Hope had a blank stare on her face, shaking her head. “That’s corny dude. Anyway, it’s been real, but I need to go on my way. I’ve got important things to do.”

“Wait.” Jayden grabbed Hope’s arm as she turned to leave. “You’re still going to try and find Sam right?” Hope flinched, a shiver shooting up her spine. “That must mean you’ll be going after Team Lustrous. Let me go with you. I might find something out about my mom.”

Hope turned, sighing at Jayden’s suggestion. “Well I guess it wouldn’t hurt having back up.”

Jayden nodded, his smile returning to his face. He let go of Hope’s arm and turned to Kaylie, placing his hand on his hip. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“What are you talking about?” Kaylie asked, somewhat confused.

“I agreed I would travel with you to Violet City. That was as far as we would go together.”

“Now that I know you’re going after a syndicate like Team Lustrous I can’t leave! Someone has to-”

“Protect me? Thanks but I can take care of myself.”

Kaylie laughed, slapping Jayden in his arm. “I was going to say keep you from driving Hope nuts. I’m going to be with you the entire way.”

“Are you lovers done yet?” Hope groaned from about ten feet away. “Let’s get this show on the road!”

Jayden and Kaylie ran after Hope, following her down the road towards Violet City’s limits.

Jayden looked down, his eyebrows arcing. Team Lustrous…

Hope ran her hand through her hair, stopping at the side of her head. Sam…

Kaylie looked down at the ground, kicking rocks as they went. Brother…

I’m coming for you!

Canto
8th March 2012, 1:22 AM
Well, this chapter was somewhat short so this probably won't be very long.
Not to say it wasn't good, it was just kinda short. :)


After shaking down Hope in Miltank’s Café, Jayden told her to show him exactly where Team Lustrous was, where his mother was. He and Kaylie rushed back to the Pokémon Center to pick up their Pokémon. Hope stood outside the building, looking at the tower in the distance behind the Pokémon Center.

“I’ll save you brother,” she whispered.

I'm really interested in seeing what happened to her brother. THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! *slapped*


A woman had been talking, giving them what appeared to be steps on what to do now that they were at Sprout Tower.

“…then Gene will give you your Pokémon. They will be weak, but everyone starts somewhere right? Even my Pokémon isn’t fully evolved.”

More mysteries. Who is this Gene? Hmm... *rubs chin*


“We’ve come to ask you a few questions,” Hope said. Looking back at Jayden she could see the rage slowly building inside and decided she better ask her questions fast. “Where is Lillian Sector?”

“Lillian Sector…” The woman seemed to know her, probing her memory in an attempt to remember who she was exactly. “Do you mean Lillian Sector of Goldenrod City?”

“Yes,” Jayden answered bluntly, not saying anything else.

“Well I heard she had tried to leave Team Lustrous on more than one occasion,” the woman answered. “Thing is, if you’re high up in the syndicate like she was, there is no leaving. She apparently tried to tell the boss that she wanted to start a family. He thought she would give away valuable information so she was snuffed out.”

When the words left the woman’s mouth Jayden’s jaw dropped. Kaylie’s hand instinctively covered her mouth while Hope looked away, knowing what Jayden’s reaction was going to be. A tear built up in his eye, slowly sliding down his cheek before hitting the wood floor.

“You must be her kid,” the woman said with a sigh once she saw the tear. “Listen kid, I’m sorry about your mother, but Team Lustrous just isn’t the type of organization to leave. Not when you’re the second in command.”

Wow, so not only was his mom second in command to what are more than likely bad guys, but she's also DEAD? That sucks...


“I’m really sorry about your mom Jay,” Kaylie said, placing her hand on Jayden’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it must be rough finding that out,” Hope added.

“I’m fine,” Jayden told them, showing a smile. “I was upset at first, but during our battle with that lady I realized that even though my mom isn’t in the physical world she still lives on in me.”

Kaylie smiled at Jayden, happy about his positive view. Hope had a blank stare on her face, shaking her head. “That’s corny dude."

Bold text = My thoughts exactly.


Jayden looked down, his eyebrows arcing. Team Lustrous…

Hope ran her hand through her hair, stopping at the side of her head. Sam…

Kaylie looked down at the ground, kicking rocks as they went. Brother…

I’m coming for you!

So now we've got two missing brothers? This is getting INTENSE man.

As always, keep it up!

Glover
8th March 2012, 1:55 AM
Since you were kind enough to drop in on Tempest for me, here I am to repay the review! It's only the proper thing to do, after all. I'll skip Chapter 1 since Psychic covered anything and everything I could ever possibly come up with, and move on to Chapter 2. SInce I'm reviewing as I go, I ay vey well comment on things that you resolve in the next chapter. Done that once or twice. Ah, the joys of dual computer screens!

Oh, before I do that, I notice you're putting chapters out on two day rotations. Most things I read discourage that, as it bogs new reviewers down much more quickly and looks intimidating to someone coming into the story. You're way to do things, just passing along what I've heard.

CH2
I must admit, Cyndy is showing more character than Jayden is right now, ad getting more exxpression out of just her little actions than Jayden is getting with dialogue. He's got a little bit, but he gets overpowered too easily by the others in the story, ad they're not all that strong either.


The owl fell to the ground, stunned. Quickly getting back into the air, Hoothoot flew off, a sad look on its face.
Poor Hoothoot, I think it was looking for a friend, instead it got a rock...


A figure jumped out of the bushes to his left, causing him to jump. Action repetition. I see a lot of people do this. We'll see if you do, but the better word would probably be "startling him".


“Heh, only you would manage something like that. Remember that time you had the one ticket that would win you backstage passes to the Jolteon’s concert, but you gave it away saying you would never win?”

“Don’t remind me! That was a long time ago anyway!”

Kaylie scratched the side of her face. “That was last week…”
Hmm, I've heard that joke before somewhere. I must admit, this kinda feels like trivial trivia, I already understand Jyden is a PKMN world incarnate of Charlie Brown...


Walking the rest of the way with Kaylie made Jayden feel slightly better even if he didn’t come to a full decision about his career yet. Slight run on there, consider a comma after better. It's not a full partial stop to warrant a semicolon, but it needs a break somewhere.



“Height, about 5’ 10”. Weight, around 120 lbs,” Jayden whispered to himself. Alright, this is the second fic in 24hours that I've read that uses a trainer sign up sheet as an info dump for height and weight, which means very little to me. Did I miss a memo somewhere? Should I have done something? Should be concerned that I'm only fifteen pounds heavier than a ten year old, and twice his age?

The Pokemon center descriptor felt too mechanical to me, and I'm not sure why Jayden would be able to actually see the infirmay from the front entrace. To each there own, but in almost all cases the medical side is not visible from the hostel side of things.

CH3
Battle scene, pretty good. I'm not a fan of relying on the trainer to dodge, that part should be second nature to Pokemon and animals in general, unless the trainer specifically expresses a strategy to absorb the hit or ake the opponent out.


“Good idea. Cyndaquil dodge it!” Jayden shouted when he saw Ledyba closing in for another Tackle. Cyndaquil jumped over Ledyba, spinning as she descended. “Now hit it with Ember!”

Cyndaquil opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Shocked, Cyndaquil shook it off and tackled Ledyba from behind instead.
I'm agreeing with Typhlosion, this is too mechanical for a real world. if a small creature has a fire on its back naturally, spitting fire should be second nature. Stoking it, fopcusing it into something like Flamethrower or Frieblast I can see, and certainly skill would be needed to pull off Flamewheel or Fire Spin, but simply spitting fire?


“You can stay with me,” a shaky voice said from behind the two.

Both of the teenagers quickly turned around to see an old man smiling. He had no hair on top of his head, but he had a long white beard. His arms were placed behind his back, the long sleeves of his robe covering his hands.



“Once the moon comes out it looks so much better!”
Awkward line.


I always knew she could dance, but who knew she was this good, Jayden thought. As he watched his friend dance his jaw dropped.

Kaylie then moved to the crowd, bouncing in a way. Jayden thought she had finished, but to his terror she grabbed him and pulled him into the center. Kaylie continued dancing as Jayden looked around. Not wanting to seem like a square in front of at least thirty people Jayden began to improvise. His feet made sliding movements outwards while he bent his head from side to side. To his surprise the crowd began to cheer. With a smile Jayden did the only other dance move he knew. He flopped on the ground and began to make a wave motion with his body.

Careful, you're getting dangerously close to shacking up the main characters, and that's a very quick way to kill a show or sotry. Just ask Cable Television...



“Well, I’ll make it a priority to find you if I pass through,” Kaylie said with a smile. “Tonight was really fun.”
Need a comma after Well there.



“So then what happened?”

“I punched Marshall in his face and told him that I didn’t want to go with him. You thought he would have caught on when I told him I didn’t want to the first six times.”
This is a really odd intro, and it's int eh middle fo the chapter. Stopp trying to hook, you fdon't need to hook a reader in the middle of the chapter, you've already got them.


“You know I thought you hated me,” Kaylie admitted. “It seemed like you always ignored me.”
Also a comma after know.

Persoanl taste, but Lethal P is a large prtion of the dissapointment in my generation. It's cool you're including more culture in your story though.

Would t be wrong of me though to say that it feels kinda prolonged and draggy?

Taking a break, I'll be back with CH4

fixthe_fernback
10th March 2012, 4:29 AM
With chapter eight the plot progresses!
Good work and I'm curious in seeing what happens with Jayden and Co. in the next chapter.

Glover
10th March 2012, 8:27 AM
And as the prophecys fortold, I have returned!

Or sonething like that. Sorry I'm piecemealing through this story and not soing it in one post. But hey, every reply is a bump to youur story, whihc means more people see it and hopefully more people click on it, read, review, etc.

CH 4 (review)


they ran into a wild Pokémon named Weedle Deep breath, relax. This is fan fiction, be loose. "Wild Weedle" is fine. if the reader doesn't know that a Weedle is a Pokemon, you shouldn't need to tell him. Unless this is a Mystery Dungeon story, or he's got a little red and white sticker that says "Hello, my nsme is... Weedle", saying "Named Weedle" is just odd. For all we know, his name is Friedrich.


A Poké Ball sailed through the air, hitting a worm like creature right below the giant needle on its head. The Pokémon soon changed from its yellow like color to red, being sucked into the ball. The ball clasped shut once all the energy had been sucked into it. Falling to the ground, the ball shook three times, a red light beeping in the middle. After three shakes the red light flashed once more before a loud PING! sounded. Forgoing a comment on your intro to this chapter and the disjointed timing, I'd like to encourage the use of pronouns in lieu of "The Ball this, the Ball that."


“It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie observed. The two kids pulled out Poké Balls, enlarging them. “They are about to battle! Let’s go over and watch!”
Keep natural speaking in mind. 95% of people will say "Looks like they're about to battle. They are! Let's go over and watch!". A large percentage of them will even omit the ""over and" for the simpler and quicker "Let's go watch!". You don't need the stage direction of "over there", it's implied by Kaylie's sudden encoragement, and you don't need to repeat what it is thay're about to do in the nxt sentence. It's not formal, but then this also isn't Jolly Ol' England.


“Go Pidgey,” one of them, a girl, shouted as they threw their Poké Ball.
Becaause you are specifically quoting the girl, even though they are both drawing their Pokeballs, the spotlight is on her, and therefor plurality should match her, not the group. Thus "shouted as she threw her Poke' Ball". And if you'd really prefer it the other way, then you'd still need an s on the end of Pokeball, as each trainer has one=2


“It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie observed. The two kids pulled out Poké Balls, enlarging them. “They are about to battle! Let’s go over and watch!”
This is probably me being anal, but to me, the girl has already drawn her Pokeball, so it seems off to be reading her drawing it again. If you combine those sentences, such as "“It looks like they’re about to battle,” Kaylie had observed the two kids pulling out Poké Balls and enlarging them."

That's not an ideal sentence structure either, but if it gets you thinking, then woo.

Also, Kaylie has offically stolen the title to strognest human character. Jayden just feels like what people in the automotive industry refer to as "a speed bump".

Also, there's no mention of Cyndaquil outside the battle. Makes me sad...


Once Kaylie and Jayden reached the battle, the blue Pokémon known as Poliwag shot a stream of water out of its small pink mouth. Pidgey flew higher into the air, easily dodging the water. Poliwag ran under Pidgey, firing another stream of water. Unable to dodge, Pidgey was hit, falling back towards the ground.
Check your word timing. "Once J&K reacehd the battle" implicates that Poliwag waited for them. It didn't, I'm reasonably sure. Something along the lines of "The little blue Pokemon known as Poliwag had shot a srtream of water out of its mouth by the time J&K had reached the battle." might better protray the chronology.


The Flying type began to flap its wings, slowing its descent to the ground. The bird then began to flap its wings at Poliwag, a small tornado surrounding it. The Water type was bounced around the inside of the tornado, small cries of pain eminanting.



The Flying type began to flap its wings, slowing its descent to the ground. The bird then began to flap its wings at Poliwag, a small tornado surrounding it. Sentences don't have to be so punctual. Let one sentence roll into the next. Here, it read like Pidgey started flapping to stop falling, then stopped flapping, then started flapping at the Poliwag again. "The Small flying type then changed the focus of it's flapping towards it's opponent" for example.


“That was a great battle,” Kaylie said. “Both Poliwag and Pidgey were great.”

“Thanks,” the two said in unison.

This seems a cold introduction to me. Two strrangers show up out of nowhere and all the two battlers say is :thanks"


“I’ve been battling Stephanie in everything since we were little,” the boy said as he recalled Poliwag, placing his Poké Ball in his green jacket. “I just can’t seem to win.”

“Are you two related?” Jayden asked, trying to make a joke.

“…not funny dude,” Stephanie told him. “You wouldn’t believe how many times we get that.”

“To answer your question we are related. We are Stephanie and Phil Thompson,” the boy introduced them.


Again, relax your speech. "To answer you're question" would usually be "Yes, actually." Also, you can do without the "We are", and possibly the "them" at the end, though that's more personal preference.



“Sir, are you sure about this? The world thinks you’re dead.”

“It’s time we continued where we originally started. We’re going back to Johto and nothing will get in my way this time. That bastard Dimitrios…he will not beat me!”

“But sir…”

“If you defy me Doris I will kill you! I let you have control of this syndicate for long enough!”

“Yes sir…”

“Enough of this sir bullsh**! You will refer to me by my name. I am A eolus and I will purify this world. I will be the light that purges any that are not worthy! Inform all the other agents. Team Lustrous has been awakened once more!” Wo-ho! That's a nice paradigm. Going from "Sweet, sorta loveable" Kaylie and her pet bump-on-a-log to multiple swears is a stark and intriguinging trick. (Please though, don;t do it every chapter...) I must admit that as a personal preference I'm not fond of heavy swaering in the stories (Yes, I know the rating is there, bear with me) but even still, while I understand very clearly that Aeolus is evil, using multiple cursery words like that is a bit of a cop-out way to do it. Let's see him kicking Lilipups or stealing candy from babies, maybe snatching the Oval Stones from Happiny or something. You know, rich, in depth show us the character instead of "Hi, my name is Aeolus. I'm an evil bastard."

Shadow Lucario
10th March 2012, 1:15 PM
Wo-ho! That's a nice paradigm. Going from "Sweet, sorta loveable" Kaylie and her pet bump-on-a-log to multiple swears is a stark and intriguinging trick. (Please though, don;t do it every chapter...) I must admit that as a personal preference I'm not fond of heavy swaering in the stories (Yes, I know the rating is there, bear with me) but even still, while I understand very clearly that Aeolus is evil, using multiple cursery words like that is a bit of a cop-out way to do it. Let's see him kicking Lilipups or stealing candy from babies, maybe snatching the Oval Stones from Happiny or something. You know, rich, in depth show us the character instead of "Hi, my name is Aeolus. I'm an evil bastard."

Many, many thanks for the reviews and corrections. I'll work on everything for next chapter. As for Aeolus he doesn't possess a filter. He's not so much evil as he is...misguided, for lack of a better word. Chapter 9 should be out either tomorrow or later today. I'll see what I can do.

Shadow Lucario
12th March 2012, 4:41 PM
Very short chapter today, but it's filled with plot to the brim so I feel that it is the right length. Another huge revelation in this chapter! It's subtly shown, but I'm sure you guys will catch it. You guys are smart. The Team Lustrous arc is starting to pick up steam! Soon it will be at full speed! Don't want to miss it! Now enjoy!

PS. More chapter names have been added. Check those out for ideas of what future chapters will be about! And don't forget to check out the character biographies in the first post!

EDIT: Added Hope's biography! Don't forget to check that out!

Chapter 9: Blinding Light

“Kaylie and I have known each other since we were kids. We weren’t really friends until we got older though.”

“So do you like her?”

“Well, she’s cool and all, but I wouldn’t say I like her!”

“Your red face says you do.”

After a day of travel, Kaylie, Jayden, and Hope had gone south of Violet City, nearing an abandoned town named the Ruins of Alph. Before setting out for the day, Jayden and Hope had decided to converse, learning more about each other. Kaylie, however, was sitting a few yards away, her backpack already on.

“I think we should get going,” suggested Hope, standing as she grabbed her bag.

“You’re right,” Jayden agreed, doing the same. “What’s our next destination?”

“We need to get to Union Cave,” Hope told him. “It should be southeast from here. Once we get there then we can travel through it and come out to Azalea Town. There’s a gym there so you two can challenge it.”

“Great,” Kaylie said loudly.

Storming off, Kaylie said nothing more, not even looking back at the two. Hope and Jayden shrugged their shoulders before following. The route had been drastically different from the last route they took. The trees slowly began to disappear and boulders began to replace them. Even the grass changed from green to a shade of yellow with a grey tinge. One by one the Pokémon diminished before there were none on the route.

“I wonder what’s bothering the Pokémon,” Hope thought aloud. “The Pokémon on this route are usually plentiful, but now there’s none.”

A loud crash greeted the trainers when they reached a small house on the side of the road. The glass from the window shattered outwards, shards flying everywhere. The trio hid behind the side of the house, waiting for whatever broke the window to show itself. A young man of maybe twenty was pushed from the house. The boy wore a brown long-sleeved shirt with brown khaki pants. His medium length brown hair covered his face when he hit the ground. His arms and legs had been bounded with rope, preventing him from catching himself. Behind him came a taller man of about the same age. This taller man wore Team Lustrous robes, but a hood covered his head. His blue eyes seemed to pierce through the brown haired boy as he smirked at him.

“Pick him up,” the Team Lustrous man said as two more people dressed similarly to him came out of the house.

“I swear I’m going to kill you,” the brown haired boy snarled when he was picked up, shaking the hair out of his face. Hope gasped when she saw his face.

“Sam, Sam, Sam,” said the Team Lustrous man, “that’s no way to treat someone who saved your life.”

“Saved?! You didn’t save anyone! You took three years away from him!” Hope shouted, stepping out from behind the house. Jayden attempted to stop her, but the rage inside let her easily shake him off. “You won’t take any time away from him! I will stop you here and now!!”

“Hope!” Sam gasped. “What are you doing?!”

“Oh so this is Hope,” the man said, a little interested. “She’s the one you’ve been babbling about? The one that you need to protect?”

“Leave her alone Alexander!” Sam shouted, trying to break free from the Team Lustrous grunts’ grip.

The man known as Alexander pulled out a Poké Ball, a malicious grin on his face. Hope pulled out her Poké Ball as well, a small bead of sweat trickling down her forehead. Jayden and Kaylie came out from behind the house as well, both of them holding their own Poké Balls.

“You two stay out of this,” Hope said, not taking her eyes off Alexander.

“We can help you,” Jayden told her.

“I don’t need it. I’m going to save my brother on my own!” Hope threw her Poké Ball, Noctowl bursting forth.

“I’ll show you the power of Team Lustrous!” Alexander roared as he threw his Poké Ball.

From Alexander’s Poké Ball came a large dinosaur like creature. Its green hide shined like armor, spikes traveling all the way down its back to the tip of its tail. It let out an intense roar that shook everyone nearby. Kaylie and Jayden looked up at it in fear, their legs shaking. Hope still showed only courage, the Pokémon not intimidating her one bit.

“Show them Air Slash!” Hope shouted.

Noctowl flew high into the air, flapping his wings furiously. The wind began to gather in a ball in front of the Flying type. With all his might, Noctowl knocked the ball of air at Alexander’s Pokémon.

“Tyranitar block it,” Alexander said, laughing a little bit.

As the ball of air approached him, Tyranitar raised his arm. The air ball dispersed immediately, not doing any damage to him at all. Both Noctowl and Hope were shocked. Noctowl began to gather more wind, launching another ball of air at Tyranitar, but it was blocked again. The Owl Pokémon now became frustrated, launching attack after attack at the Rock type. Instead of blocking, Tyranitar roared at Noctowl, dispersing his attack and knocking him off balance. The owl tumbled backwards, trying to regain balance.

“Enough toying around,” Alexander moaned. “Tyranitar, use Stone Edge.”

Stones began to form around Tyranitar, making a small circle. Once they fully formed the stones flew at Noctowl, shooting faster than any of the other trainers could see.

“Dodge them Noctowl!” cried Hope.

Swaying from left to right, Noctowl dodged a few of the stones, but the next volley hit him in the wing. Noctowl fell to the ground, unable to fly. Hope watched in horror as Tyranitar walked up to her Pokémon, standing over the large owl. Tyranitar looked down on him, a disgusted look on his face.

“Now come back Tyranitar,” called Alexander, recalling his Pokémon. “I thank you for letting Tyranitar stretch his legs. He’s been dying to battle.”

Alexander snapped his fingers and the grunts began to drag Sam away. The boy struggled, calling out to his sister, but she couldn’t hear anything. All she could hear was Noctowl’s groans of pain. All she could see was the contorted face of her Pokémon. Hope fell to her knees, tears falling from her eyes.

“…H…Hop…HOPE!”

Suddenly she came back to reality, Jayden holding her shoulders, yelling her name. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out; only tears streamed down her face. Her head hung down in shame as she began to cry, pushing away from Jayden. She started to punch the ground, her sobbing continuing.

“DAMMIT! I WAS SO CLOSE TO HIM!” she yelled through sobs. “THE FIRST TIME IN THREE YEARS AND I CAN’T DO ANYTHING! WHY AM I SO WEAK?!”

Jayden stood over her, his fists clenched. He opened his mouth to say something, but Kaylie placed her hand in front of him. She shook her head, telling him he should stay quiet. Kaylie and Jayden just stood over their new friend as she wept, watching her tears of sorrow splash against the hard ground.

-----------------------------------------------

“You think she even suspects it?”

“Please! You played the part so well I don’t see how she could!”

Thousands of meters away, Alexander and Sam walked with the latter free from his bondage. The sun had disappeared from the sky, the full moon taking its place. Instead of his shirt and pants, same wore the same robe that Alexander wore.

“Don’t you think it would be better to tell her I wasn’t kidnapped?” Sam asked. “If we continue like this then she will keep coming after you and possibly interfering with your plans.”

“There’s no need to worry,” Alexander said, motioning towards a rock. The two sat, looking out over a small lake. A smirk spread across Alexander’s face. “Even if we told her you came of your own free will then she still would have been interfering.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because she’s with my sister. Even with the three of them coming after us I have the power to stop them. I will show them my light!” Alexander looked up at the moon, his blue eyes flashing white.

fixthe_fernback
13th March 2012, 2:08 AM
Chapter nine! Short and sweet, just the way I like it...sometimes anyways.


“Because she’s with my sister. Even with the three of them coming after us I have the power to stop them. I will show them my light!” Alexander looked up at the moon, his blue eyes flashing white

Wait...this just got so confusing. But, probably safe to assume Kaylie is Alexander's sister...
Definitely looking forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work, sir!

diamondpearl876
14th March 2012, 5:29 AM
Hi. I'm reviewing this for the review exchange thread. Your post said that you were open, so I hope that's all right with you.

The first thing I noticed that all the characters are relatively the same. They're all excited to start their pokemon journeys and raising pokemon, and that's all I know. Their different goals don't set them apart much. They could be set apart more if you explained why they chose their certain goal, or if you differed how they interacted with each other, how they treat their pokemon (since there's hardly any development on the pokemon's personalities, either), etc. The main character seems a bit different, as he seems rash and rather lost, but other than that, you don't show much about him. This also means that I can't care for the Kaylie/Jayden relationship, because they look to be the same character to me. If they're going to continue, I'd suggest delving into the relationship more along with the individual characters themselves. Why do they fit together as a couple? Do they bring out the best or worst in each other? If so, how? And what -is- the best or worst parts of them? And so on. On the up side, though, I do find it interesting to a see a (potential) couple traveling together, so I'd like to see how that turns out.

Also, Abra as a beginning pokemon seemed to be an odd choice. The normal 3 starters are chosen because they are easy to raise for beginning trainers. Abra, obviously, seems the opposite, since it can teleport away at any moment, and it attacked the professor. I don't see why Professor Elm would give away a pokemon that attacked him. It also seemed a bit odd that you put the time and effort into introducing exactly 4 trainers and an extra starting pokemon, only to have the other starting trainers disappear after chapter 1. I'm guessing that they'll come back later, but even a short scene introducing their characters a bit more would have been helpful and less awkward.

Also, as far as dialogue goes, there are some points where you have them sound very informal and refuse to use contractions. It sounds a bit awkward and not like how a teenager would speak, so I'd watch out for that if you want to keep their voices clear.

Grammar is good for the most part. There's just a few commas missing here and there. I guess my only problem in this area is that you capitalize things like "Bug type" and "Fire Mouse Pokemon," and I don't see a reason for it.

You provide just enough description to get by most of the time, but at other times there's just not enough, and it's obvious.


“And what of Aeolus?”

“There was a trail of blood leading out the door,” Damien told him. “Team Lustrous got to him first.”

For example, in this part, the man is obviously concerned or curious about Aeolus. I'm assuming he was killed? Yet the man had no reaction to this at all. The lack of reaction could tell me that he's heartless and careless, but I can't be sure, because if he was heartless, why would he ask in the first place? Saying simple things such as "he scoffed/laughed at Damien's response" or "he closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to push past those words to focus on the situation at hand" can go a long way and help enhance your character development and the picture that you paint in the readers' minds.


“I don’t even know what type of Pokémon this gym uses,” Jayden realized.

He looked around the room, hoping to find some kind of hint. Standing up, he walked over to the desk, looking over a stack of magazines. On the front was a man of about twenty. His blue hair was medium in length, a fringe covering the right side of his face. The cover read, “Falkner, Violet’s elegant gym leader, shows off Flying type Pokémon!”

Flying types huh? Jayden thought, his face scrunching. Weedle won’t be of much help. Looks like I’ll have to use Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

This part also doesn't make sense since Kaylie and Jayden previously had a conversation about the type of pokemon that Falkner uses. I'd watch out for mistakes like this... Re-reading your work before posting or getting a beta would probably help this.

Now that I got the more negative parts out of the way, I'll just point out some other things I liked:



Cyndaquil shook her head fiercely. On her back the four red spots that had been present lit up, a fire being produced. Scratching her long milky colored nose, Cyndaquil looked away.

“I’m sorry,” Jayden apologized, rubbing the back of his head. “I should have been able to tell. The fur on your back is a much lighter blue than a male’s and the cream color of your underside is way prettier.”

“Cynda!” Cyndaquil said, giving Jayden a smile.
I found parts like this particularly amusing. Your dialogue is usually interesting and very realistic, which is a plus It can help you flesh out your characters more, which is especially helpful when there's not much to go on outside of the dialogue.


“I mean…” Kaylie tried to explain, but when she looked up again Jayden already had his eyes shut, sleeping soundly. Kaylie smiled at him, walking over to the bed. Bending near his face she slowly placed her lips on his forehead, softly kissing it. She smiled again as she ran her fingers through his hair. A tear appeared in her eye, sliding down her cheek, hitting the floor quietly. “I mean more than that silly.”

I don't usually care for romance in fics, but this part was sweet.


“So…” Jayden started, rubbing the back of his head. “Have a wife, kids?”

“Yeah,” the man answered, “two kids.”

“Good, good.” The boy looked around the elevator, whistling so he could break the silence.

“Is this your first gym battle?” the man asked, coming off just as awkward as Jayden.

“The first of many.”

LOL. Very awkward indeed, but amusing.

Anyway, this is just a review for the first arc. Overall, it needs a lot of improvement, but it has potential, and I'd like to see you use that potential to its fullest. With the fast rate at which you're updating chapters, the second arc will probably be completed soon, so I guess I'll be back soon. Just be careful and mindful of giving readers/reviewers enough time to catch up before piling up too much to read on them.

3D992
14th March 2012, 8:10 AM
Wonderful, wonderful! Bravo!

Now that that is over... I think this story may be going too fast. One minute Jayden is getting a pokemon, the next hes battling a gym leader, and before I know it hes chasing a presumably criminal team accross Johto. Normally I want fan fics to speed up, however this is a minor exception. The character bios say none of Kakuna's moves are known, however it used string shot. The shipping is a little too sweet but I can live with it.
Great job, continue making more! I'll be back!

Shadow Lucario
14th March 2012, 10:12 AM
Many many thanks for the reviews! I feel that this story is going to be long and the plot will draw out through most of it. I wanted to try and get to the plot as fast as possible. I'll continue to improve the chapters. I'll look at your story soon diamondpearl. Thanks for the review again! And thanks to you too 3D!

EDIT: If either of you would like to be added to the PM/VM list then let me know. I'll add you right away. And as for Kakuna, I had written the biography before I wrote the chapter and haven't edited it yet. I will get right on that. Thanks for letting me know.

Sidewinder
15th March 2012, 4:07 AM
Well, I've been reading from my iphone at work most of the day, but now that I'm back at home with my laptop I'll point out a few things that I noticed.


Before a loud Ping! Sounded.

One word does not constitute a period. Make sure you use comma's in the appropriate places.

One other thing that bothered me about the first chapter, was Jayden's not knowing what he wanted to do with his life. It just seemed a bit lazy to me. In later chapters you explain how his first Gym Battle made him think that competitive training was the way for him to go. Which is good, but at the same time all I was thinking was that he had the better part of the last four years to decide what he wanted to do. I say four years because around age ten is when I feel that most people start thinking outside the box and somewhat thinking about their future.


“I don’t even know what type of Pokémon this gym uses,” Jayden realized.

That bit confused me. I looked back and Kaylie told him in Chapter Four that Falkner used flying types.

I though the Gym Battle between Falkner and Jayden was great. Although, the fact that he didn't know what a Pidgeotto was really messed up my rhythm. I mean, These are people that live side by side everyday with Pokemon. Not that I expect that they should know the exact characteristics of every single one. But as you described, Pidgey's are common, it just seems odd to me that Jayden wouldn't know what its evolution looked like.

Other than that, I really liked the battle. Well described, and obviously thought out. I had a feeling Weedle would evolve at the end of it, but at the same time, I felt like you slipped into it pretty well. I honestly thought at the start of it that Jayden was going to lose, but when he didn't, I found myself smiling.



As two of them began to prepare the food the other brought out two glasses filled with milk. “How’s it goin’ Hope? You doin’ well I reckon?”


I liked her accent quite a bit. I live in the Mid-South and those are the sort of words I hear all the time. For that reason, the waitress stood out more to me than Jayden and Kaylie. Accents and slang always capture my attention. They make you want to learn more about the character because their speech stands out so much more than everyone else's.


Besides the bits I mentioned, I've really enjoyed reading the chapters you've posted. While it is very remniscent of alot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among alot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story. If you have a PM list, please add me to it. Great job!

Shadow Lucario
15th March 2012, 4:47 AM
Many thanks sidewinder! I appreciate the review and input! I am also flattered you were reading my fic at work ^^ Anyway, for the sound thing, I like to separate it from the rest of the text with all capital letters and such to show that the noise is very distinct. I'll fix that from now on though. Added to the PM list you shall be. That's my Yoda impression. Was it good? Moving on, chapter 10 should be up before Friday I want to say, but if not then definitely on Friday. sidewinder and I got our banners from the same person :D Shadow Lucario out!

Shadow Lucario
18th March 2012, 8:30 AM
With this we add more plot! I don't even need to say that anymore. All the chapters in this arc will be plotful! I just made a word...Anyway, I will add more character biographies later on! For now let me know: Jayden, Hope, or Kaylie? Which protagonist is your favorite? Vote now and enjoy!

Chapter 10: Lost Luster

“Pidgey, you use Quick Attack and Kakuna, wait until Pidgey is right in front of you to use Harden.”

Still on the road towards Union Cave, Jayden had decided it best to use his time wisely and get in some training. Both his Pidgey and Kakuna had been out, facing each other. Pidgey quickly flew in Kakuna’s direction, white streaks coming off his wings. Just before the two connected, Kakuna became glossy as a light flashed over him. The bird bounced off, not even leaving a scratch.

“Great job Kakuna!” Jayden complimented his Pokémon. “You’ve got your timing on Harden perfect.”

Turning to the two girls, Jayden smiled, trying to get a response from them. They just sat on the ground, heads in their hands, looking at the dirt. Jayden shook his head, kneeling in front of them.

“Should we get going?” he asked. “We’ve been here for quite a while.”

The girls said nothing as they stood. Grabbing their bags, they began to walk down the path towards a large mountain. Jayden followed, quickly recalling his Pokémon. The group walked in silence, the two girls looking down at the ground. Jayden looked at them both, unsure of what to say. Finally, after five minutes he broke the silence.

“You two have been like this for three days. Isn’t it time we cheered up and look towards a bright future?”

Hope snapped her head towards Jayden, a cold stare looking him over. Without a word they continued walking. Jayden sighed, giving up on getting them to talk. The large mountain they had been walking towards was casting a large shadow over them, blocking the sun from beaming down on them. They looked up in awe at the sheer size of the mountain, the top not visible from where they stood.

“This is it,” whispered Hope. “We’re at Union Cave. Once we get through here then we’ll be just outside of Azalea Town.”

“How long will it take?” Kaylie asked.

“A few days at least,” Hope replied. “Even if we walked all day and night the shortest way through the cave takes four days.”

“Well then let’s go,” said Jayden, beginning towards the mouth of the cave.

Entering the cave made nearly all the light vanish. It was hard to see what was in front before their eyes adjusted. The cave’s walls were all covered in water while the ground was completely dry. A few feet into the cave the group heard a stream that wasn’t too far away. The cave had only one walkway, forming a path through the mountain.

“It won’t be too hard to get out of here,” Jayden said, his voice echoing a little bit.

“Just you wait,” Hope told him, her voice echoing as well. “You’ll see just how intricate the path gets.”

Looking to his left, Jayden saw the small stream they heard near the entrance. Small splashes came from it as Pokémon swam up and down it. The stream then continued down the side of the path before going underground, a small walkway above where the stream changed direction. As they walked over the water a fin appeared from out of the water, splashing Jayden in the face.

“What the hell?” Jayden said surprised, feeling the water on his face. Looking over the edge he saw an orange fish sticking its head out the water. “Hey! You’re the one who splashed me!”

The Pokémon stuck its tongue out before diving under. Jayden peered over the edge a little more trying to see where the fish went. Looking over a little too much, his foot slipped on the water that hit the ground. In a panic, he reached back and grabbed the first thing he touched; Hope’s arm. Because of the weight difference, Jayden began to pull Hope down with him and by reflex she grabbed the only thing she could; Kaylie’s shirt. Without anything else to grab onto the trainers fell into the stream, being dragged down the water tunnel by the current. After being banged against the walls for a few seconds, all three kids lost consciousness, unable to hold their breath any longer. The little light they had left faded and the darkness enveloped them.

---------------------------------------

“Aeolus sir, are you sure you want to do this?”

“What have I told you about this sir crap?”

“I apologize Aeolus, but are you sure you want to start with Unity City?”

In the middle of a small city outside Union Cave, Aeolus and one of his grunts stood, watching as all the people walked by, a look of disgust on Aeolus’ face. A man brushed up against the Team Lustrous leader and apologized before hurrying off. Aeolus wiped his robes off before revealing a Poké Ball in his hand.

“This city is right outside of Azalea Town and is their main source for any type of supplies,” Aeolus explained. “With Unity City out of the way, Azalea Town cannot get any supplies to help themselves. The gym leader there will not be able to fight back with everyone else needing attention.”

“Then why not start in another city that is near a gym leader?” the grunt questioned.

“Because you don’t know the layout of those cities. Since this is your hometown you’ll be able to point me in any direction I need.”

“But Aeolus I-”

Aeolus stared the grunt down, the leader’s eyes beginning to glow red. The grunt backed down immediately, ceasing his argument. Aeolus turned back to the town with a wicked smile, tossing his Poké Ball into the air.

---------------------------------------

Jayden…Jayden over here…It’s your mother…

Mother…? It can’t be…You’re dead…

Look at my face…Tell me I’m not your mother…

“You’re not my mother!” Jayden screamed, sitting up in an instant. Looking around, he saw Hope, Kaylie, and a boy he had never met staring at him confused.

Hope shook her head before saying, “You have problems man.”

“I was joking guys, heh, joking,” Jayden said scratching the back of his head. But what was that face I saw? I know it wasn’t my mother’s. She had long blonde hair and Dad always told me Mom was a brunette. Her face didn’t even seem familiar. She looked more like Kaylie than me.

“The screaming idiot is Jayden,” Kaylie told the boy. “Jayden this is Chad. He’s the one who saved us.”

“Nice to meet you,” said Chad, holding out his hand.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Jayden said a little embarrassed, taking his hand.

“The girls here tell me it was your fault that you guys fell in,” Chad told Jayden.

“I guess you can say that. This Pokémon splashed me with water and I wanted to get a good look at him.”

“Well if you exit the cave over there,” Chad pointed behind him to a large opening, moonlight pouring in from outside, “you’ll be right outside Unity City. From there it’s only a few days to Azalea Town.”

“Thanks a lot,” Hope and Kaylie thanked him, jumping up.

Jayden nodded, standing as well. Once the three trainers exited the cave, Chad pulled off his brown coat to reveal black attire. It was much like the outfits Team Lustrous wore, but it was more of a blazer and pants than robes. After looking around him, he took a headset out of the bag he had next to him.

“I just checked the kids out,” he spoke into it. “They don’t appear to be with Team Lustrous, but there are two siblings of Lustrous operatives.”

“For now come back to base,” a woman’s voice said through the headset. “They’re no threat to our plans as of yet. If they begin to pose a problem we’ll have to get rid of them.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Placing the headset back in the bag, Chad walked deeper into the cave, disappearing in the darkness. On the outside of the cave Jayden kept patting himself down, confused.

“Is something wrong?” Kaylie asked as they walked.

“How did I get dry?”

“Oh that. Well you were pretty soaked so we had to change you. Luckily you had spare clothes,” Hope answered.

Instantly Jayden turned red. Thinking about either of them changing his clothes made him feel a little embarrassed, especially since he was asleep. The girls laughed, making Jayden even more confused.

“We had Chad change your pants,” said Hope. “I didn’t want to see that and Kaylie was too busy blushing to do it. We looked away.”

“You know I think that’s what we needed to take our mind off of this Team Lustrous business,” Kaylie said with a giggle. “I was really upset, but our little time in Union Cave cheered me up. Even if we did almost die.”

“You’re right Kaylie. I do miss my brother, but I know he would want me to enjoy my journey as well as take it seriously.”

“So have either of you been to Unity City?” Jayden asked, changing the subject.

Both of the girls shook their head as they came up to a sign that read, “Unity City Limits.” Jayden tried to see the city lights from their position, but no matter how hard he looked he couldn’t see anything. When they got closer to the city he instantly knew why. All of their jaws dropped once they entered the city. The buildings had been toppled, some in more than one part. Every window was shattered, glass strewn all over the street. Walking through the city was like walking through a nightmare. The only sign of people was the blood on the street. Some trailed off while others pooled up in one spot. Signs hung, swinging in the light wind. As they reached the middle of the city Jayden stopped dead in his tracks. He stopped the girls, a look of horror on his face. The moonlight shone down right onto what had stopped him. Out from the alley way lay a motionless hand. Not too far from the hand was a plush Cyndaquil. Jayden lost feeling in his legs, dropping to his knees. Grabbing onto the plush he did the only thing he could do.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

3D992
18th March 2012, 8:57 AM
Whoa! Whose plush could it be? So violent! Dead people in a broken town... Cliffhanger...

Just VM me like you did!

Sidewinder
18th March 2012, 5:34 PM
Another well written chapter.

Team Lustrous bothered me at first because I thought it was going to be the typical 'Team' with shadowy goals and a God complex. But so far that's proved to not be the case. Keep it up, just be careful to not fall into any habits that make them ordinary.

One thing that did bother me slightly was when the kids fell into the stream and got bashed around by the rocks. If they were slammed into unconciousness that easily and quickly, I thought they would have some kind of lingering injuries. A broken arm, sore leg, bump on the head, even a few bruises. One thing I've found in some fics is that they make the characters so perfect and untouchable that I can't relate to them. Not that you've been doing that, I just don't want you to fall into that stereotype. All three of the main characters are developing in such a way that I can easily see who they are, especially Kaylie. Keep it up!

I liked the destruction and murder at the end of the chapter. It added a dose of realism, which is a really welcome addition. Besides the small things I mentioned, I enjoyed the chapter very much. Towards the beginning and right at the end, I felt like it was rushed a bit. However, it didn't take away from the experience, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Good job!

fixthe_fernback
18th March 2012, 6:32 PM
Very well written chapter.

The cliffhanger at the ending has me begging for more...

Glover
20th March 2012, 8:09 AM
Well, that took me longer than I epected, but as promised, here I am! This is CH5's review.
as he hopped out of thebed, pulling Damien into an embrace. “Dimitrios is fine. What happened to me and where are we?”

Or,


as he hopped off the bed, pulling Damien into an embrace. “Dimitrios is fine. What happened to me and where are we?”


---

“Weedle, use Poison Sting!”

“Ledyba, stop that worm!”
Should have comas after Weedle and Ledyba, as they are names beign addressed. Same goes for


“Weedle, stop Ledyba with String Shot!” called Jayden.



Both trainers recalled their Pokémon, shaking hands to show it was a good contest. Wonderful of you to include that.



“I’m not too keen about going without sleep,” Jayden replied.
Charlie Brown speaketh sense.


“What’s so funny?” Jayden asked, his smile disappearing.

“This is Dark Cave,” she explained. She pointed to her left, a large smile now on her face. “Violet City is that way! Looks like we’re walking through the night!”

Jayden’s head hung in shame, the thought of going a full twenty-four hours without sleep already tiring him out. Pulling her friend, Kaylie happily led the way down the path towards Violet City.

I suppose I should know this, but it came up and so I mention it. I actuially don't recall where Dark Cave is. That's the one that connects Violet and Blackthorn, right? Meaning it goes the wrong way is what Kaylie was getting at?


Compared to Cherrygrove, Violet City was crowded; EXTREMELY crowded. It was impossible to go anywhere without bumping into someone. Jayden became overwhelmed, not sure of what to do. By instinct he grabbed Kaylie’s wrist and pulled her out of the crowd with him.

Your story, your world, don't mind me, and I don't recall the anime presentation of Violet, but I belive the backstory calls for Vilet to be a much sleeoier and historic cit than that.


All the streets wound around each other or ended up in a dead end Proper past tense of wind. Winded is what Jayden is after all that walking. :P



“YES!” exclaimed Jayden, running over to the desk. “One room please. Let’s go.”
This actually reads rather rudely. Who's he sayng "Let's go" to, Nurse Joy or Kaylie? If the former, that's a rather bossy thing to say to one who's supplying you room and board for nest to nothing. If the latter, I think he'd get slugged, on account it's Kaylie.


“I feel that in the past week I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you.” Kaylie looked down, her hands shaking slightly. She clenched them in an attempt to make them stop. “I know that we didn’t really hang out much growing up, but I always had this strange feeling about you.”
Ho boy. Here we go...


Kaylie bit her lip, her trembling now traveling up her arms. “Even though I didn’t really know you it’s been there. Then that night in Cherrygrove made me realize it’s even more than I thought.” Kaylie looked up, staring straight into Jayden’s eyes. “I like you, a lot.”
And for their next trick, Shadow Lucario will now jump the proverbial shark.

(Is not fond of romances between two main characters, especially 14yr olds.)

“I mean more than that, Silly.”

For CH5, and I reaize you're past this point, but I'm still not getting a lot fo vibes from Jayden. He's certainly there, but he's not done aznything really establishing, or memorable. Although thr Dark Cave bit is funny once you figure out the punchline. Kaylie's kinda found her niche as the strong one, and I'm rather disspaointed as there's not a whole lot of emotion from the Pokemon, especially if this is a friendly competition between partner Pokemon.

Black Org, meh. I could take them or leave them right now, but this is only their introduction chapter, there's still plenty of time for them to be introduced. I do liek Dimitrios though, since his concerns went immediately to his Lucario.

And I miss Cyndiquil. I liked her. The little flower gathering went a long way.

Shadow Lucario
20th March 2012, 10:43 AM
Not as much plot as I wanted, but what can you do? Anyway, there is a return. I'll leave it at that. ;) The progression of the story is panning out just as I had planned so expect a lot more plot to be hitting your faces soon! So far I'm seeing that more people like Kaylie as opposed to Jayden. He's trying his hardest D: Kaylie is extremely happy though :D Moving on, finally starting to get more into double digit chapters. Here is chapter 11. Enjoy!


Chapter 11: Illuminated Glory

Dark clouds covered the sky, its color turning grey. No rain fell from the clouds, but thunder sounded, lightning cracking in the distance. As he kneeled, Jayden began to pound the ground, tears streaming from his face. Tears began to form in Kaylie’s eyes as well, her hand instinctively touching her mouth. Hope looked away from her friend, trying to suppress her own tears.

“Who would do this?” Jayden asked, barely above a whisper. “Who would kill all these innocent people?!”

Jayden wiped his face with his sleeve as he stood. Still clutching the plush Cyndaquil, he placed it in his bag, walking off in a seemingly random direction. Kaylie attempted to follow, but Hope stopped her, shaking her head. As he walked through the city he saw blood splattered against the building, the splatters showing they had tried to run. Jayden’s hands balled into fists, tightening even more as he continued walking. A creaking sound came from nearby him. Looking up he saw that it was a sign for a family business. The sign had been broken at the bottom and barely hanging on to the building.

Sitting at a nearby bench, Jayden hung his head, the thoughts of what had transpired swimming in his mind. He could imagine the screams and the terror on the face of the citizens. A warm liquid began to travel down his arm. Surprised, he noticed that he had been squeezing his fists so tight that his nails pierced his skin. Not even caring if he got blood on him, Jayden covered his face with his hands, tears still trickling down.

“I need to go comfort him,” Kaylie told Hope, her voice wavering.

“How are you going to comfort him when you need someone to comfort you?” The question took Kaylie by surprise as Hope pulled her in for a hug, tears streaming down her face. “It’s okay to cry. You are human after all.”

Even though she tried her best to hold it in, Kaylie began to weep, holding onto Hope tightly. Walking back to the girls, Jayden looked up at the sky, a small raindrop hitting him on the forehead. Soon the rain came down in a drizzle. Kaylie took notice of him as the boy stared into the sky, as if searching for something. He looked over at the girls, a smirk on his face.

“We have to keep moving. We won’t gain anything by wallowing in our sorrows.”

Kaylie broke away from Hope, wiping her tears with a nod and smile. “You’re right.”

“That’s my line. After all, my name is Hope.” With a sniffle, Hope wiped her tears away as well. “My brother wouldn’t want me to be sad.”

“Then let’s move on to Azalea Town.”

Passing through the ruined city, the group didn’t look back for fear of sorrow catching them again. They put the sadness behind them, using it to push them forward. The rain stopped not long after it began, the sun shining through the clouds.

--------------------------------------------------------------

“Man my feet are killing me!”

“Keep complaining and it will take even longer to get there.”

“But we’ve been walking for a day! We haven’t stopped once!”

“Hope is right Jayden. If you keep complaining it will take more time to get there.”

Still on the road to Azalea Town, Hope, Jayden, and Kaylie had been traveling down a straight path that didn’t turn off at any point. The only thing they could see ahead was more of the path. Unlike yesterday, there were no clouds in the sky and the puddles from the little rain had already evaporated. On their right had been a cliff, the top just out of sight.

“We should reach Azalea in two more days,” Hope told Jayden. “You can hold on that long can’t you?”

“Maybe,” he replied. “That is if my feet don’t give out.”

“Always like you to complain Jayden!” a voice said from above.

Looking up quickly, Jayden saw a glimpse of a blue jacket as a figure jumped down the cliff, sliding on the rocky surface. Rolling when they reached the ground, a familiar face met Jayden. It was Burton! Kaylie let out a squeal of happiness before jumping on him.

“Burton!” Jayden spit out, surprised by the sudden appearance. “What are you doing here?”

“My next contest is in Azalea,” he explained. “You’re going too right? I didn’t see you at the contest in East Village.”

“Actually,” Jayden said embarrassed as he scratched his head. He had completely forgotten that he didn’t tell Burton he had decided to compete in the Silver Conference.

“The Silver Conference,” Burton said, a little impressed after a brief explanation. “Too bad you didn’t choose to become a coordinator with me and Marshall. We both lost in that first contest, but it’s extremely fun!”

“Where is Marshall anyway?” Kaylie asked.

“Marshall split after the contest in East Village. He hasn’t dropped me a line since. Before he ran off he said he’d meet me in Azalea.”

“Then let’s go,” said Jayden. “We’re on our way there to challenge the gym.”

“Awesome! I’ll be able to see you battle and you can watch my contest!” Burton punched the air as he jumped, excited for his next challenge and watching his friends battle.

“Uh hi,” Hope said a little awkward. “I’m Hope by the way and we should probably get a move on if you guys want to get there sooner than later.”

Taking Hope’s advice, the group of now four began their trek towards Azalea Town. All the while Burton told them about the joys of being a coordinator. He didn’t spare any details as he told them about how in sync he was with his Pokémon. He had also explained that while Marshall passed the appeal round, he did not. Even in defeat Burton was extremely happy with his performance and guaranteed them he would win the Azalea contest.

“There is one thing I want to warn you about though.” Burton’s tone suddenly became serious, his expression no longer goofy. “There are these people in black running around. They call themselves the Black Organization. I don’t know what they’re goals are, but I do know they are bad news.”

“That’s not all you have to worry about,” Jayden told him, his tone and expression equally as serious. “A syndicate known as Team Lustrous has sprung up out of nowhere. They kidnapped Hope’s brother for some reason and they’re the reason my mother is dead…”

Burton said nothing, only looking off in another direction. Silence reigned over them before Burton finally spoke up again. “Instead of focusing on these criminals how about we have a friendly battle? I need to show you my team anyway.”

“I’m down!” Jayden exclaimed.

“Guys we don’t have time to stop,” Hope told the boys.

“Let them have their fun,” said Kaylie. “We’re not on a schedule anyway. Besides, I want to see just what training for a contest does to your Pokémon.”

Jayden and Burton had created a good thirty foot gap between them in the middle of the road. They both wore smirks, Poké Balls in hand. Burton launched his, the ball cracking open after leaving his hand. The white light poured out, hitting the ground before taking the form of a Poliwag. Swinging her tail back and forth, Poliwag showed she was ready for battle.

“Pidgey, standby for battle!” Jayden yelled as he threw his Poké Ball. Pidgey flew out of his ball and around Poliwag before returning to Jayden’s side.

“Poliwag start with Bubblebeam!” Burton shouted.

From her little pink mouth, a barrage of solid bubbles shot out. Having leverage, it was easy for Pidgey to dodge all the bubbles. Even though he dodged them all, the bubbles busted all around Pidgey, water hitting him in the eye from each side.

“Pidgey, use Gust to blow that tadpole away!” ordered Jayden.

Flapping his wings furiously, Pidgey created a large tornado. Burton chuckled as the tornado neared Poliwag. “Time for Water Gun.”

Instead of bubbles, a stream of water shot from Poliwag’s mouth. The tornado’s momentum then pulled the water around it, turning it into a small typhoon. Jumping into the typhoon, Poliwag used the tornado to gain speed and jump above Pidgey.

“Now Body Slam!” called Burton.

When Poliwag was above Pidgey it was as if her weight doubled. She dropped like a rock, landing right on top of Pidgey, slamming him into the ground. Rolling back, Poliwag spun on one foot gracefully, jumping into the air when she saw Pidgey struggling to get up.

“Show them Quick Attack,” said Jayden.

Poliwag jumped into the air again and without even realizing he moved, was tackled by Pidgey. The water type fell over, surprised by the attack. Pidgey swung back around and tackled her again, knocking Poliwag back to the ground. Before she could get up again, Pidgey flapped his wings, creating another tornado, this one smaller in size, but faster. The tornado picked Poliwag up, the tadpole unable to do anything but be bounced back and forth between the walls of the tornado.

“Now hit ‘em with Wing Attack!” shouted Jayden.

Pidgey’s wings began to glow as he broke through the tornado, slamming his wing into Poliwag, Flying out, Poliwag hit the ground, rolling back a little, not moving. Burton recalled his Pokémon, knowing she couldn’t battle any longer.

“Great job Pidgey,” Jayden complimented him as Pidgey landed on his shoulder. Pulling out his Poké Ball, Jayden recalled him, a smirk on his face.

“That was a pretty sweet battle, but let’s see how you handle my starter,” Burton said, pulling out another Poké Ball. “Abra, strike!”

From his Poké Ball came a bipedal, fox like Pokémon. It was gold in color save for the brown plates on its shoulders and a small area on its chest. Its eyes appeared to be closed. It held up one hand, pink energy emitting from its three fingers.

“Then I guess I’ll have to use mine,” Jayden said with a chuckle. “Cyndaquil, standby for battle!”

Cyndaquil emerged from her Poké Ball with the fire on her back blazing. When she landed, the fire type cautiously watched Abra, waiting for Jayden to give a command. Burton looked the field over, devising a strategy that would use his surroundings.

“Abra, use Energy Ball!” he shouted.

After a few seconds, Abra placed on hand over the other, a green ball forming. His hands shook as he tried to contain the energy into the small compact ball. Abra launched it, standing completely still.

“Cyndaquil dodge it!” ordered Jayden.

Cyndaquil jumped to the side, the ball whizzing right be her face. Burton chuckled a bit and with a snap of his fingers Abra had vanished. Shocked, both Jayden and Cyndaquil looked around them, trying to find the psychic type. Without a sound, Abra reappeared behind Cyndaquil, a green ball in his hand.

“Watch out Cyndaquil!” Jayden yelled.

Hearing her trainer, Cyndaquil turned around, but it was too late. Abra shot the ball at point blank range, hitting Cyndaquil in her side. Rolling backwards, Cyndaquil regained her balance.

“Fire back with Ember!” Jayden shouted.

Cyndaquil dashed towards Abra, a barrage of fireballs releasing from her mouth. Abra didn’t move a muscle, instead being hit by the fireballs. Falling backwards, Abra lay on the ground, not moving.

“Is it over already?” Kaylie asked, surprised that Abra went down so easily.

“I doubt it,” said Hope.

Just as she said it, Abra began to levitate in the air, pushing himself back to his feet. Burton nodded his head, expecting this much from his Pokémon. “Show them your teleporting Shadow Ball.”

Once again Abra began to gather energy between his hands, but this time it was purple and black as opposed to the green from before. When this ball was launched it zipped through the air faster than the other attack. Abra thrust out his hands towards the ball. As Cyndaquil was about to dodge, the ball of energy vanished. Cyndaquil rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. The ball appeared from behind her, hitting her in the back. The ball vanished again, reappearing from the side this time. This pattern repeated until Cyndaquil was hit from every direction. Panting, Cyndaquil fell to the ground, trying her best to get up.

“Cyndaquil please get up,” Jayden plead. “You can do this. I know you can.”

Cyndaquil shakily got back to her feet, staring Abra down. With a cry, her fire began to burn more brilliantly. Releasing another wave of fireballs, Cyndaquil dashed at Abra. The psychic type was hit, this time simply stumbling back. As she ran, Cyndaquil’s speed picked up. The fire type tackled Abra, hitting him in the gut with her head.

“Go Cyndaquil,” Jayden shouted. “Hit him with Flame Wheel!”

Chasing after Abra as he stumbled, Cyndaquil became engulfed in flames. This time when she tackled Abra, his mouth opened, saliva spilling out. Abra flew backwards, skidding across the ground a bit. When he finally stopped, he lay motionless. The flames disappeared from around Cyndaquil and she too fell to the ground, not a muscle moving.

“I think it’s a double knockout,” Burton said, the two trainers recalling their Pokémon. “Now that was a fun battle!”

“You got that right,” Jayden said with a smile. The boys met each other in the middle of the road and grasped each other’s hand.

“I can’t wait to see how well you do in Azalea.” Placing his Poké Ball back into his pocket, he and Jayden walked back over to the girls, the girls patting them both on the back.

“Well you won’t have anything to see if we never get there,” Hope told him. “Now let’s get moving!”

3D992
20th March 2012, 5:36 PM
I saw a few mistakes such as "Hope placed stopped Kaylie". There were a some others but I cant quote sentences on my nook.
One thing I noticed was weird is that they kept the dead city to themselves... They didnt even call the police, much less tell Burton. I thought that a little strange.
Great chapter! I'm suprised how quick you make these. Good job!

Sidewinder
20th March 2012, 5:59 PM
Nicely done, however, there were a few things that struck me as odd.

First, Jayden's reaction to the ruined city confused me. I mean, I know it would be a hellish thing to stumble upon, but it seemed like he really took it hard. I'm not sure why. Was it because he think his mother was involved? Did he know someone from the city? Fond memories from his youth? Shock and disbelief are reactions I can understand, but Jayden's felt a little extreme compared to the rest of them. If there is a reason for that, that will be revealed later, nevermind, but if I missed something, let me know. I did think you described his emotions very well though. Rage and anguish have always been really difficult for me to describe, so great work!

As I read on, I found myself still thinking about the ruined city. How many dead, if the police were called, repair estimates, etc. I found it odd that you gave no explanation about them notifying someone or not. Being as old they are, I figured the first thing they would do would be to tell someone in a position of power. I know you have to follow your characters, but I hope you visit that town again lol.


When Poliwag was above Pidgey it was as if her weight doubled.

Don't really have a correction to suggest, but that sentence felt somewhat wrong to me. I hope that doesnt sound odd, but it made me stumble a bit

The battle between Jayden and Burton was really fun to read, I found myself on edge almost all the way through. I liked how you used the attacks thrown by each one to aid the other in a counter-attack. It was obviously really thought out and planned. Abra being portrayed as a teleporting powerhouse was a nice touch. I've noticed that some writers tend to ignore species like that as worthless, or even not worth writing about, but they are. They have so much to offer and I'm glad you recognize that.

All in all, I liked the chapter alot. Maybe I read quickly, but I fell like it was a tad bit short, but that didn't take away from the experience. I can see that you're taking the advice that people are giving you, and its nice to see the results. Keep it up!

Shadow Lucario
20th March 2012, 11:25 PM
Many thanks for the reviews. As for notifying the police...there are no police in the city and they have no form of communication. I didn't give them Pokegears because I felt that would make it too much like the game. That and I think the only person Jayden would call is his dad. :P Anyway, it was heartbreaking for them to see the destruction and with Jayden, he just found out his mother was dead so it really hit home for him. I'll make the next chapter better, don't you worry!

Sidewinder
21st March 2012, 12:16 AM
Many thanks for the reviews. As for notifying the police...there are no police in the city and they have no form of communication. I didn't give them Pokegears because I felt that would make it too much like the game. That and I think the only person Jayden would call is his dad. :P Anyway, it was heartbreaking for them to see the destruction and with Jayden, he just found out his mother was dead so it really hit home for him. I'll make the next chapter better, don't you worry!

Ah, well that makes more sense. If everyone is dead they obviously cant communicate with anyone, especially if all they could possibly do for long distance communication is make a few smoke signals.

And btw, it was a very good chapter.

The Oncoming Storm
22nd March 2012, 12:39 PM
Not as much plot as I wanted, but what can you do? Anyway, there is a return. I'll leave it at that. ;) The progression of the story is panning out just as I had planned so expect a lot more plot to be hitting your faces soon! So far I'm seeing that more people like Kaylie as opposed to Jayden. He's trying his hardest D: Kaylie is extremely happy though :D Moving on, finally starting to get more into double digit chapters. Here is chapter 11. Enjoy!


Chapter 11: Illuminated Glory

Dark clouds covered the sky, its color turning grey. No rain fell from the clouds, but thunder sounded, lightning cracking in the distance. As he kneeled, Jayden began to pound the ground, tears streaming from his face. Tears began to form in Kaylie’s eyes as well, her hand instinctively touching her mouth. Hope looked away from her friend, trying to suppress her own tears.

“Who would do this?” Jayden asked, barely above a whisper. “Who would kill all these innocent people?!”

Jayden wiped his face with his sleeve as he stood. Still clutching the plush Cyndaquil, he placed it in his bag, walking off in a seemingly random direction. Kaylie attempted to follow, but Hope placed stopped her, shaking her head. As he walked through the city he saw blood splattered against the building, the splatters showing they had tried to run. Jayden’s hands balled into fists, tightening even more as he continued walking. A creaking sound came from nearby him. Looking up he saw that it was a sign for a family business. The sign had been broken at the bottom and barely hanging on to the building.

Sitting at a nearby bench, Jayden hung his head, the thoughts of what had transpired swimming in his mind. He could imagine the screams and the terror on the face of the citizens. A warm liquid began to travel down his arm. Surprised, he noticed that he had been squeezing his fists so tight that his nails pierced his skin. Not even caring if he got blood on him, Jayden covered his face with his hands, tears still trickling down.

“I need to go comfort him,” Kaylie told Hope, her voice wavering.

“How are you going to comfort him when you need someone to comfort you?” The question took Kaylie by surprise as Hope pulled her in for a hug, tears streaming down her face. “It’s okay to cry. You are human after all.”

Even though she tried her best to hold it in, Kaylie began to weep, holding onto Hope tightly. Walking back to the girls, Jayden looked up at the sky, a small raindrop hitting him on the forehead. Soon the rain came down in a drizzle. Kaylie took notice of him as the boy stared into the sky, as if searching for something. He looked over at the girls, a smirk on his face.

“We have to keep moving. We won’t gain anything by wallowing in our sorrows.”

Kaylie broke away from Hope, wiping her tears with a nod and smile. “You’re right.”

“That’s my line. After all, my name is Hope.” With a sniffle, Hope wiped her tears away as well. “My brother wouldn’t want me to be sad.”

“Then let’s move on to Azalea Town.”

Passing through the ruined city, the group didn’t look back for fear of sorrow catching them again. They put the sadness behind them, using it to push them forward. The rain stopped not long after it began, the sun shining through the clouds.

This whole part is completly and utterly off. Three teenagers walk into a town full of death and all they do is cry a bit and move on! No way!

First, Jayden sees a everything in the end of the last chapter and all he does is pick up a plush and scream. Not likely he should have ran to the person not the doll. Second, they just stand around and cry then leave! How doe someone even see that ever happening. You don't just cry in the middle of a town full of slaughtered people and then walk away! They are in a town someone has to have a pokegear or phone and if not that then what about the dead peoples potential pokemon. Where are they. I would find it odd if a whole town of people didn't have any pokemon what so ever. Third is their attitudes once they leave. How do you have main characters see such a disslturbing event and not change in the least. The don't seem the least bit worried, determined, saddened, vengeful, or angry at what happened to the people in that town. Foruth, they run into another trainer, who they don't tell about the incident, that jayden then has a casual battle with. All of this is just wrong I'm sorry if it seems like I am ripping your fan fic apart but thesse are huge holes.


Also in the battle I think energy ball should have barely phased cyndaquil. I mean a un-stab grass move against a fire typ is not gonna do any real damage. Meaning cynda should have weathered the shadow balls better.

Shadow Lucario
22nd March 2012, 12:59 PM
This whole part is completly and utterly off. Three teenagers walk into a town full of death and all they do is cry a bit and move on! No way!

First, Jayden sees a everything in the end of the last chapter and all he does is pick up a plush and scream. Not likely he should have ran to the person not the doll. Second, they just stand around and cry then leave! How doe someone even see that ever happening. You don't just cry in the middle of a town full of slaughtered people and then walk away! They are in a town someone has to have a pokegear or phone and if not that then what about the dead peoples potential pokemon. Where are they. I would find it odd if a whole town of people didn't have any pokemon what so ever. Third is their attitudes once they leave. How do you have main characters see such a disslturbing event and not change in the least. The don't seem the least bit worried, determined, saddened, vengeful, or angry at what happened to the people in that town. Foruth, they run into another trainer, who they don't tell about the incident, that jayden then has a casual battle with. All of this is just wrong I'm sorry if it seems like I am ripping your fan fic apart but thesse are huge holes.


Also in the battle I think energy ball should have barely phased cyndaquil. I mean a un-stab grass move against a fire typ is not gonna do any real damage. Meaning cynda should have weathered the shadow balls better.

No it doesn't seem like that at all. Just stating what you think. I don't know if you remember, but Burton knows them and has known them for quite a while, well minus Hope. The reason they don't tell him is they want to put it behind them and focus more on their journey and since they have no idea who is responsible (yet) they can't have any feelings of vengeance. I should have handled that situation better. I'll work on that next time I have a similar event. I'm from Arizona too. What are you doing up at this time? :P

Shadow Lucario
22nd March 2012, 2:22 PM
Chapter 12 comin in! I really connected to a certain character in this chapter. I got inside their mind and knew what was going on. A lot more violence than usual. We get some talk on what happened in Violet between Kaylie and Jayden while we also get another talk from a completely different character. Probably going to work on some biographies later and add them this weekend. Enjoy!



Chapter 12: Radiant Pride


“Don’t you guys ever stop to rest?!”

“I know your pain man. I’ve asked the same thing on multiple occasions.”

After meeting up with Kaylie and Jayden’s old friend Burton, the group of four trainers traveled towards Azalea Town together. Even though the moon was in the sky the trainers still walked, not having taken a rest since Jayden’s battle with Burton. Their newest companion didn’t like their way of walking straight through the night.

“Geez it was bad when only Jayden complained,” Hope said, slightly irritated. “I can tell you two are friends. You both can’t handle going without a little sleep.”

“Hey now, I’ve started to get used to this,” said Jayden, sounding a little defensive.

Shaking her head, Hope didn’t give Jayden a verbal response.

A slight wind blew over the landscape, leaves dancing in it. High in the sky, the moon was full, illuminating the route. Because of the absence of lights, the stars were much more brilliant, more constellations able to be seen. Hoothoot and Noctowl could be seen occasionally flying overhead.

“I think this is a good time to take a break,” Hope told the group.

“Finally!” Jayden and Burton moaned in unison.

The two boys dropped their bags, nearly falling to the ground. Kaylie laughed as she sat her bag down, taking a seat next to Jayden. Slightly red she looked over at him, snapping her gaze back ahead of her once she saw that he noticed her eyes. Shrugging it off Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball, tossing it in the air. Cyndaquil emerged with a flip, looking around her when she landed.

“We’re not in a battle Cyndaquil,” Jayden told her, chuckling a little bit.

The small fire type blushed as she snuggled under her trainer’s arm, trying to hide her embarrassment. Kaylie looked over again, this time maintaining her gaze when Jayden’s eyes met hers. Burton noticed his friends locking eyes and stood quickly, brushing his pants off.

“Hope and I will go get some fire wood,” he said, a large grin on his face. Grabbing Hope by the arm he pulled her off down the route. “We’ll be back soon!”

“Burton,” Jayden said. “He’s such a character.”

“So, I wanted to talk about what happened in Violet City,” Kaylie said quietly.

“What of it?”

“I just find it odd that you would kiss me and then not even mention what we had said that night. You told me you liked me. Is that true?”

Jayden let out a sigh, looking down at Cyndaquil. Cyndaquil simply smiled back at him, snuggling closer to him. “That was a long time ago. I’m not sure if I still feel that way. Things have just gotten so…complicated.”

“So then I should just forget these feelings then?” Kaylie looked away, huddling her knees close to her chest. Suddenly, a warm sensation filled her hand. She quickly looked at her hand and saw Cyndaquil smiling at her, placing her tiny hands into the human’s. Without even saying anything Kaylie understood it all from Cyndaquil’s gaze.

Looking into the sky, Jayden smiled, closing his eyes. “We’re young Kaylie. You shouldn’t be looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with.”

“Cynda!” Cyndaquil cried at Jayden, an agitated look on her face.

He laughed and began to pet his Pokémon on the head. “Unless of course that person is your Pokémon, but you understand what I mean. If it happens between us then it happens. If not, I want you to stay my friend and continue to be in my life.”

Cyndaquil jumped into her trainer’s lap, both giggling. Kaylie took out Totodile’s Poké Ball and stared at it. She knew that she didn’t have the same bond with her Totodile that Jayden and Cyndaquil had. Releasing her Totodile, tears came to Kaylie’s eyes. When the blue crocodile formed, he walked over to his trainer, a concerned look on his face.

“Don’t worry Totodile,” she said wiping her face. “These are tears of joy. I just wanted you to know that I’ll be using you a lot more. I know that I have been neglecting you, but I want you to know it stops here.”

“Dile!” the crocodile cheered, hugging his trainer.

Jayden smiled, seeing Kaylie and her Totodile laugh and bond. Kaylie stood, whispering something to Totodile. Without warning, the two ran up to Jayden and Cyndaquil, tagged them, and ran off giggling.

“I guess we’re it Cyndaquil,” Jayden told her, the smile still on his face.

“Cynda,” she replied, a smile spreading across her face as well.

Chasing after their friends, Cyndaquil tackled Totodile to the ground while Jayden scooped Kaylie up, gently placing her on the ground. He knelt over her, slowly getting closer to her face. Kaylie’s heartbeat increased as she felt his body heat. His eyes were gentle, his hair lightly touching her. Kaylie closed her eyes, expecting the pressure from his lips to touch hers. Instead she felt his head next to hers.

“You’re it,” he whispered to her before he and Cyndaquil took off down the road.

Sitting up, she looked at Totodile, a little confused. Shaking her head, Kaylie smiled, picking Totodile up and started her own chase after Jayden. Due to him having longer legs, Jayden could easily outrun Kaylie. After leading her down the road for a few minutes, Jayden stopped, the sight ahead of him forcing him to stop.

“Hey…why’d you stop?” Kaylie asked, trying to catch her breath.

Jayden simply pointed ahead of him. In the distance was a large light over a small town. Helicopters flew over, their spotlights on the town as well. A large building in the center had tubes coming from the sides, connecting to two smaller buildings. People descended from the helicopters and into the town. Tanks traversed the roads outside the town limits with groups of people on every side of them.

“What the f-” Jayden started.

Before he could finish the curse, a powerful force hit him from the side, throwing him to the ground easily. Maniacal laughter filled the air around them. Kaylie’s eyes widened as she realized she knew the laughter. She looked to her side and saw the familiar green monster that towered over her. Stepping out from behind the creature, another familiar face came. Kaylie tried to move to see if Jayden was okay, but the stare from the man froze her to the spot.

“Well well look who we have here,” the Team Lustrous commander, Alexander, said.

“Al-alexander…” she stuttered. He took a step towards her and no matter how much she wanted to run she couldn’t.

“Don’t be so afraid now Kaylie,” he said, now standing right next to her.

“Quil!” cried Cyndaquil, releasing a barrage of fireballs onto Alexander’s Tyranitar.

The green beast let the attack hit him, the fireballs not fazing him at all. Jayden pushed himself up, one hand on his jaw. He tried to reach out for Cyndaquil, but was too late. Just like her trainer, Tyranitar whacked Cyndaquil with his tail. The small fire mouse was sent skidding against the ground. Jayden stopped her, holding his Pokémon close.

“What do you want with us?” Jayden demanded.

“I’m just here to talk to Kaylie,” Alexander replied, placing a hand on her cheek.

“Don’t you touch her you filth!” the boy shouted.

Alexander walked over to Jayden, a look of disgust on his face as he looked down on him. With a swift kick to the face, Jayden was sent tumbling backwards, trying to prevent Cyndaquil from being harmed by his weight.

“How dare you tell me what to do with my own sister…?” The look in Alexander’s eye was intense as he stared Jayden down.

“S-sister?” Jayden uttered out, his jaw in extreme pain.

“I just wanted to let you know that you have an open invitation from Team Lustrous,” the man told Kaylie, completely ignoring Jayden.

“What do you mean?” Kaylie quietly asked, clutching Totodile tightly. The blue crocodile glared at Alexander, returning his intense stare.

“You’re free to join Team Lustrous. You’ll be protected at all times, we can give you access to things that not even powerful company directors can see, and we can help you on your quest towards the Silver Conference!”

“I-I-I,” Kaylie stammered.

“Of course you’ll need to help Team Lustrous in their goals.” Alexander looked over at Jayden. “We need help in getting rid of the trash in this world…”

Kaylie stayed quiet. Totodile opened his large mouth, a stream of water shooting out. Much faster than expected, Tyranitar dashed to Alexander’s side, throwing his arm between him and Totodile. The water reflected off Tyranitar’s arm, hitting Totodile in the face.

“This is but an example of how we can make you and your Pokémon stronger,” Alexander said. He grabbed Kaylie by the shoulder and pulled her in for a hug, placing his hand on her head. “Family needs to stick together. Remember that.”

Alexander kissed his sister’s forehead before motioning to Tyranitar to follow him as he walked back towards the town. Once he vanished over the hill, Kaylie placed Totodile on the ground and ran over to Jayden. Totodile followed, still glaring in Alexander’s direction.

“Are you okay?” Kaylie asked, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m fine,” he replied, shakily standing up, one hand still on his jaw. “I’m worried that Cyndaquil isn’t. She took a really hard hit. How come you never told me that guy was your brother?”

“It’s kind of hard to talk about…” Kaylie turned away, her hand on her mouth as she sobbed. “That’s the closest he’s gotten to me in six years! Things just aren’t the same anymore!”

“We should get back to the rest spot. I want to make sure Cyndaquil is okay.”

The entire walk back was silent, minus Cyndaquil’s occasional groan. When they returned back to the spot where they stopped for a rest, Burton and Hope had already been sitting down around a fire. The conversation they were having stopped immediately stopped when they saw Kaylie and Jayden. Jumping up they instantly asked if they were okay. After a quick explanation from Kaylie, Burton rummaged through his bag and pulled out a small yellow bottle.

“Spray this on Cyndaquil,” he told Jayden.

“What is it?” Jayden asked, taking the bottle.

“It’s a medicine I bought a while ago. You seem to need it a whole lot more than I do. It will heal Cyndaquil’s wounds faster than normal at the cost of a little pain.”

Closing his eyes, Jayden sprayed Cyndaquil a few times, making sure to cover all the scratches and bruises. The fire type began to fidget as the medicine soaked in. The fire on her back instantly blazed as she let out a cry. Jayden turned her around and hugged her tightly. His hands began to burn, but he held on tight and soon after she calmed down, the fire disappearing. Quiet snores came from the Pokémon as she snuggled closer to Jayden instinctively.

“Don’t worry Cyndaquil,” Jayden whispered. “We’ll get him back. There’s no way I’m going to let him get away with this…”

Sidewinder
22nd March 2012, 5:33 PM
“Hey now, I’ve started to get used to this,” said Jayden a little defensively.

I feel like that would sound a little better if it was like "Hey now, I've started to get used to this," Jayden said, sounding slightly defensive.


Shaking her head, Hope didn’t give Jayden a verbal response. A slight wind blew over the landscape, leaves dancing in it. High in the sky, the moon was full, illuminating the route. Because of the absence of lights, the stars were much more brilliant, more constellations able to be seen. Hoothoot and Noctowl could be seen occasionally flying overhead.

Felt like this bit would have been easier to read if you made a new paragraph after Hope shook her head.


gaze back ahead of her once she saw he noticed her eyes.

Felt like that would have been better if you added 'that', between saw, and he. gaze back ahead of her once she saw that he noticed her eyes


His eyes were gently

I think you meant 'gentle'


Sitting up, she looked at Totodile a little confused

I think that would work better with a comma after Totodile


Placing his lips on her forehead, Alexander kissed his sister’s forehead before motioning to

The two forehead's that close together bugged me a little bit. Instead of using forehead twice, you could have used 'brow', in place of one of them.

Placing his lips on her brow, Alexander kissed his sister’s forehead before motioning to

All in all, I liked the chapter. Besides the things I mentioned, I think you've really been showing improvement from the first chapters I started reading. One thing I especially like is how you describe the characters stammering in intense situations. Which is what would happen in the situations I'm describing. You describe fear nicely, be proud of that.

As for Alexander being Kaylie's sister. I thought it was a nice twist. I'm sure its well thought out, and has alot of meaning to the story later on. I'm excited to see the dynamic between those two grow, and look forward to reading more about it.

Good job!

Glover
26th March 2012, 6:33 AM
Alrgith, here I go. Last push.

CH6
HOLY HECK WHO'S THIS? Where'd this Jayden character come from? [sarcasm]


“Good job with your capture,” Kaylie complimented, clapping as she approached him. “Now it’s my turn to find something.”

“Good luck,” Jayden said, Cyndaquil jumping on his shoulder.

I have to be honest, the Aipom appearing so closely to the Pidgey seems to be a bit too quick for me. More time, another short paragraph of "Let's meet Pidgey" or something to break it up. Right now, both captures are well written, but it feels a lot like "Oh crap Jayden's got three Pokemon, I have to catch Kaylie up."


“We need to go out tonight.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s the last night before our gym battle. We should have some fun while we can. Last time we went out we had a blast.”
Need a hint as to who's saying what. One ghint would be fine, a single "Jayden asked" would suffice, as it proves that Kaylie started and Jaden's responding.


“No, but I’m guessing you do,” she replied giggling.

“It’s becau-” Before Jayden could finish Kaylie had wrapped his arm around her, her head leaning on his chest. Instantly he began to blush, not sure of what to do.

“Continue,” she said smiling at him.

“I-it’s because they have s-sodium in t-them,” he stammered, looking away. “Oh look a park. We should go and sit.”

Wierd. And not a Jayden wierd, it's just weird. Like a "This conversation is brought to you by the Sodium Light company of Johto!" plug of some kind. If tyhis is trying to build Jayden up as a know ir all, ir's not working, and doesn't fit my perception of the character. There are much more natural ways to break an awkward silence. "Lovely weather we're having" or "So, read anything good lately" being the cliche ones.


“Can I ask you something?” Kaylie asked.

“Sure,” Jayden replied, still not looking at her.

“What’s it like to have parents?”

I've been called on this in my fics, so I could be wrong, but I'd suggest getting rid of the Kaylie asked. It's repetitive, you have "Can i ask you something" not twelve words away. Also, with as short as the conversation is, and with Jayden replied on the next line, it's not a problem to figure out it's Kaylie talking, she's the only other human being in the story.


“What’s it like to have parents?”
THAT's not out of left-field...



“Well, I like you too,” he admitted.
Comma after Well, and possibly a little more feeling into it, maybe some sheepish hesitation or something.


Kaylie smiled, burying her face into his chest, trying to hide her face from him word repetition again. Pronouns are our friends here.

Much better though, best chapter so far.

---

With this chapter the First Journey Arc is over! For a last chapter I say it is pretty good. A little plot develops as well as a shocking revelation. It is considerably longer than any other chapter, but not too long. After this we will head into the Team Lustrous Arc, a part of the story that will include A LOT of character development. I should have character bios up later today. Enjoy!

Whoah, whoah. Hold up a minute. Nothing's ending here. This isn't an "arc, this is, at best, a "season", but just because you're introducing a somewhat new side, this one doesn't necessarily end. There's been no climax to it, no falling action, we barely met Jayden before the "last chapter", we're still under the same heading here. Now, when and or if they reach the Silver Conference, THEN you can call it a new arc, weven something like the Whirl Islands can be called a Side arc, but this is not an ending of an arc. [/pet-peeve rant]

---
CH7


Flying types huh? Jayden thought, his face scrunching. Weedle won’t be of much help. Looks like I’ll have to use Pidgey and Cyndaquil.

Picking up one of the magazines, Jayden sat back down and began to look through it. Most of the articles had been about Falkner and his Pokémon. On the back there was an ad for a body spray called Sky. In the ad was Falkner, his hair flipping behind him.
Flaw in most journey battles. Weedle is of no use, so I'll use the starter Pokemon I've used exactly twice now, and the Pidghey I caught YESTERDAY and have absolutely no aquaintence or battle dynamic with... This can't go as well as it should.


“Yeah,” the man answered, “two kids.”

“Good, good.” The boy looked around the elevator, whistling so he could break the silence.

“Is this your first gym battle?” the man asked, coming off just as awkward as Jayden.
Yay for well written awkward silences!

Gym battle: Well versed. Could use a little general improvement here and there in charactering the Pokemon, but it's a good match. For example though: Soem cockiness out of Pidgeotto would be nice, and Weedle ought o be either extrmeely scared or fakind confidence, or something, and probably respondiing to Pidgeotto like he would in the wild. Tieing them up is probably close to right for that though, but regardless, based on how the soty handles Weedle, we've seen little training out of him, other than Ledyba, and little work with the gym types.

One point of retcon though, didn't Kaylie tell him back in Cherrygrove that Falkner was into the flyers? Didn't HE say that Ledyba and WEeedle wouldn't be much help there, and someone said "all I see are Rattata, Caterpie, and Weedle, all food for flying types. So seeing Jayden go up to the counter to find out what Pokemon they used was a bit like you forgot a part you already told us. Far as introucing Falknerr that way, Jayden can still go up and study the picture as a nervous habit.


“That woman, Lillian Sector, is my mother!” Sign of a good writer, you drop clues to parts of the story in previous chapters and then make them matter. Good for you. Maybe a little longer wait for some of them though than the next chapter, I like having strange seemingly pointless tangents in my hand, and then finding out what the author plans to do with them.


CH8

Shadow Lucario
26th March 2012, 9:50 AM
The final chapter of the Team Lustrous arc is here. I hope you enjoyed them while they were visiting. They'll be back later. I didn't get to introduce as many officers as I wanted to, but I'll fix that later. Now poll time! Jayden, Hope, Kaylie, Alexander; who's the best? Still working on some biographies. Expect a large amount soon. I know I've been promising for a while, but I will get them to you guys. Here is the final chapter of the Team Lustrous Arc. Enjoy!


Chapter 13: Fading Light


“Jayden, you can’t do this! Stop!”

“I’ve made up my mind. There’s no stopping me. This is something I need to do.”

“Would you please think about this? I’m sorry that my brother hurt you. Let’s just move on!”

Pushing past Kaylie, Jayden began his walk towards the town where he presumed Team Lustrous was stationed at. His eyebrows arched, Jayden had an intense look in his eyes. He clutched Cyndaquil’s Poké Ball in his hand, his entire arm shaking. Running in front of him, Kaylie put her hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes.

“Please,” she pleaded, “can we just move on and forget this?”

Jayden pushed her aside, avoiding her gaze. “I can’t let them wrong us again. They killed my mother, kidnapped Hope’s brother and now they’re trying to take you away. I won’t let them get away with this.”

“Someone else say something to him!” Kaylie cried.

“Jayden wait,” said Hope.

He turned his head, not stopping as she ordered. “I told you there’s nothing-”

“I’m going with you.” Standing up, Hope walked over to Jayden, giving him a nod. She understood how he felt and shared similar feelings. “I wouldn’t dare try to stop you. My brother could be there. I’m not going to let him slip out of my grasp this time.”

Jayden simply nodded back. He gave Burton a nod which Burton returned. Tears began to stream down Kaylie’s face. She turned away from Jayden, her hand covering her mouth. The two began to walk before Kaylie turned back, wiping her face.

“You two better come back!” she yelled.

Jayden just held up his hand, not returning a vocal response. The entire way to the city wall was in silence, both trainers focused on what lie ahead. Placing Cyndaquil’s Poké Ball back onto his belt, Jayden cracked his knuckles. A bright light shined a few hundred feet in front of them, coming from a helicopter above. Signaling for her to follow, Jayden ran to the wall, sticking to it, with Hope close behind. The light traveled away before disappearing. After looking both ways, they began to walk along the wall, careful to avoid any lights from the helicopters.

“Do you see that opening?” Jayden asked Hope, his voice barely above a whisper. She responded with a simple nod. “We should go in from there. That way no one will see us.”

The opening Jayden had been a hole that extended from the ground about three feet up. It was barely wider than Jayden’s waist, making for the perfect fit. Slipping through, Jayden pulled Hope through, looking around him and seeing no one.

“Just as I thought,” Jayden said with a smirk. Just as he was about to take a step a bolt of lightning struck the ground near him. He could feel the heat come off it, his body freezing the moment it hit.

“Don’t move,” a voice said from the wall. Looking up he could see a figure in the Team Lustrous uniform, but instead of the usual robe it consisted of a blouse like top and skirt. Two pigtails came off the side of the figure’s head, the blonde color shining in the moonlight. The figure jumped from the wall, landing not too far from the two trainers.

“Who are you?” Jayden asked, a bead of sweat trickling down his forehead.

“Captain Liz is in your presence!” the girl known as Liz said. “You show some respect!”

“You’re a captain of Team Lustrous?” asked Hope. “But you’re a little girl.”

“Not everyone can be a prodigy like me.” Liz smirked. A small creature appeared next to her, its yellow coat bright even in the dark. It possessed a tail that was shaped like a lightning bolt, a spot of brown on it. Perking its ears up, the Pokémon looked at Jayden and Hope with disinterest. “Pikachu, I think we need to teach them a lesson. What do you say? How about one more battle?”

Jayden gritted his teeth, slightly backing up as Pikachu approached them. Trying to think of a way out, Jayden touched one of his Poké Balls. Hope stood still; sweat slowly exiting the pores on her temple. Pikachu sighed as he crossed his arms.

“Please tell me you have a Pokémon other than Noctowl,” Jayden whispered to Hope.

“He’s all I got,” she replied, starting to back up as well.

Jayden quickly grabbed a Poké Ball from his belt, tossing it into the air. “Looks like we have no choice then!”

Pidgey emerged from the Poké Ball with his usual loop around his opponent. Looking down he saw the Electric Mouse Pokémon and let out a scoff. The bird swooped down low, flying right by Pikachu. The mouse didn’t appear fazed, the same bored expression on his face.

“A flying type is a bad matchup against an electric type,” the captain said, wagging her finger. “You should know better than that.”

“My Pidgey can handle it,” Jayden told her, confidence ringing in his voice. “Go, Gust attack!”

Pidgey lowered himself to Pikachu’s eye level, flying straight at him. Pikachu still did not move, his arms folded and no fear in his eye. Just before colliding, Pidgey stopped, flapping his wings furiously. Pikachu was trapped within Pidgey’s tornado, walls of wind surrounding him. Once the tornado appeared, the emotionless demeanor of Pikachu disappeared. His arms unfolded, his eyes started to water. Pikachu was scared.

“Pikachu, no!” cried Liz.

“Uh, is Pikachu scared of Pidgey?” Jayden wondered, looking slightly confused. “Knock him against the wall!”

With another flap of his wings, Pidgey blew Pikachu into the tornado. Bouncing around the inside, Pikachu let out small screams of pain and terror. Pidgey landed, his wings spread, ready for another attack. Once the tornado vanished, Pikachu hit the ground with a hard thud. Shaking off the dizziness he got from the tornado throwing him around, Pikachu stood, stumbling a bit.

“Hit him with Sand Attack!” Jayden called.

Pidgey flapped his wings again, ascending slightly. The dust below him kicked up, a bit of sand hitting Pikachu in the eyes. The electric type tried to rub it out of his eyes, but the more he rubbed the more it became agitated. With his wings glow, Pidgey swooped in, whacking Pikachu in the face. The mouse fell to the ground, the sand still in his eyes.

“Wait, are you seriously a captain?” Hope asked.

“Um, y-yes!” Liz stammered.

Coming around again, Pidgey knocked Pikachu back to the ground soon after he stood. Jayden recalled Pidgey, putting his Poké Ball away. “There’s no way you’re part of Team Lustrous. They’re way stronger than this.”

“I am too in Team Lustrous! I’m wearing the uniform right?” Liz recalled Pikachu, sticking her tongue out at Jayden. “I’m just not taking you seriously. You’re lucky I decided to take it easy on you!”

Hope walked over to the girl, noting that she was nearly a head taller. Liz cowered, slightly backing up. “You’re not a captain are you?”

Balling her hands, Liz let out a sigh. Tears began forming in her eyes. “No. I’m just looking for a person in Team Lustrous that I must get revenge on!”

“Sounds like we have the same intentions,” Jayden said. “We’re looking for someone as well. Actually two people.”

“Now who would that be?”

The voice sent chills up Jayden’s spine as it came from behind the group. Before even turning he knew who it was. Not too far from away stood Alexander and ten grunts. The commander had a sly smile on his face, his arms folded. All the grunts held a Poké Ball in their hands, some smiling and others stone faced.

“Well you just saved me the trouble of looking for you,” said Jayden. As he touched one of his Poké Balls, the grunts prepared to throw theirs. Alexander held out his arm, halting his men and women.

“You grunts are too weak. I’ll handle these intruders. Tyranitar, ready for a midnight snack?”

“Cyndaquil, standby for battle!”

Both Pokémon emerged, staring each other down. Cyndaquil crouched low, slightly growling at the large beast. Tyranitar looked down at Cyndaquil, his eyes piercing the fire type’s soul. The other members of Team Lustrous grunted, disappointed that they didn’t get to battle.

“Jayden, are you insane?!” Hope asked bewildered. “Cyndaquil doesn’t stand a chance against Tyranitar!”

“I won’t lose to him.” Jayden didn’t avert his gaze from Alexander as he spoke. “I’m going to stop him here and then we’re going to get your brother.”

Hope pulled out her own Poké Ball, sending in Noctowl. The owl flew around Tyranitar, keeping a close eye on him. “I’m not going to back out again. This time we’ll battle together.”

Alexander laughed hysterically, pointing at the two Pokémon that opposed him. “You’re going to try and battle me with those two? Tyranitar let’s end this quickly.”

“Cyndaquil use Ember!” Jayden ordered.

“Noctowl use Air Slash!” shouted Hope.

Both Pokémon circled Tyranitar, going in opposite directions. Cyndaquil jumped at Tyranitar’s side, releasing the small fireballs while Noctowl flew slightly above him, flapping his wings. Small gusts of wind hit Tyranitar in the side of his head, making the rock type slightly tilt it. The fireballs hit him in the stomach, scorching his “armor”. He simply scratched the burn spot, implying he hardly felt it.

“Let’s end Cyndaquil first,” said Alexander. “Tyranitar, use Earthquake.”

“Noctowl, get Cyndaquil on your back!” Hope yelled.

Swooping in for her, Noctowl flew above the ground, Cyndaquil jumping onto his back. Tyranitar slammed his foot into the ground milliseconds after. A shockwave was sent through, cracking it in spots. Jayden felt a sharp pain in his knees and fell to the ground. The only person left standing was Alexander, a wicked smile on his face.

“Now Stone Edge!” he shouted.

Several stones appeared in a ring around Tyranitar. Much like in his battle against Noctowl, Tyranitar launched them into the air at the flying type. Diving down, the owl managed to dodge a few. Saving one, Tyranitar shot it out. Cyndaquil grabbed onto Noctowl’s feathers, yanking to her right. Noctowl did a barrel roll, the stone barely grazing his wing. Once they were upright again, they charged. Cyndaquil unleashed more fireballs, hitting Tyranitar in the face this time.

“Your weak fire attacks won’t do anything to my Tyranitar!” Alexander shouted, laughing maniacally.

“There has to be a weak spot somewhere,” Jayden said, sweat covering his face.

“What about those small black spots?” Hope asked, pointing out the small black triangles on Tyranitar’s legs and near his neck.

“It’s worth a shot. Cyndaquil, shoot an Ember at the black triangles!”

Noctowl ascended, giving Cyndaquil proper leverage. Releasing the fireballs again, Cyndaquil jumped over Tyranitar, landing back on Noctowl on the other side. The fireballs hit barely off the triangles, missing by no more than a few inches. Flying back around, Cyndaquil fired again. Tyranitar held up his arm, blocking the embers with his forearm. With a big yawn, the rock type scratched his arm, waiting for Alexander to give him another command.

“Are you getting bored Tyranitar?” Alexander asked. Tyranitar let out a low roar to which Alexander nodded. “We’ll play a little more than finish them.”

“Go on Cyndaquil, jump and use Flame Wheel!” Jayden ordered.

Noctowl flew around Tyranitar, barely above his back. Cyndaquil jumped at him, flames engulfing his body. Alexander shook his head, smiling and chuckling. Just before the attack could hit, Tyranitar grabbed Cyndaquil out the air, not even looking at her. The flames instantly vanished in his grip. Cyndaquil struggled, but she couldn’t get loose.

“Cyndaquil, no!” cried Jayden.

“Noctowl get in there and release Cyndaquil!” Hope called.

Noctowl flew down to help his friend, but Tyranitar was prepared for this. His free claw began to glow. Before Noctowl could reach Cyndaquil, Tyranitar slashed him, sending Noctowl to the ground. Jayden pulled out his Poké Ball and tried to recall Cyndaquil, but the red beam couldn’t reach her.

“Now use Shadow Claw!” Alexander shouted.

A purple energy surrounded Tyranitar’s free claw. He began to swipe at Cyndaquil when he suddenly stopped. Tyranitar’s face was surprised, his grip around Cyndaquil loosening. He dropped the fire type, slightly stumbling backwards. Just in front of the rock type was a black and blue figure. It had large black ears and a blue tail that curved. It resembled a jackal with two large spikes on the back of its forepaws.

“Nice job Lucario,” said a voice from behind Jayden. Turning slightly he saw a man in a black cloak. Standing behind him was a group of nearly thirty, all of them garbed in black attire. The man had a large smile on his face.

“WHAT?!” shouted Alexander as Tyranitar fell. “It-it’s-it’s…It’s you!”

“I don’t usually go by you,” the man said, stepping in front of Jayden. “I usually go by Dimitrios; Leader of the Black Organization!”

Sidewinder
26th March 2012, 4:13 PM
Jayden simply nodded back. He gave Burton a nod which Burton returned.

Felt like there was one too many 'nods'. Two right there, and one in the previous paragraph. Might try using a different word in place of one of them. Instead of 'He gave Burton a nod which Burton returned.', you might say 'He inclined his head in Burton's direction, who returned it just as quickly'...Obviously not a mistake. Just something I tripped over when I was reading.


With his wings glow, Pidgey swooped

May sound better as 'aglow'


All the grunts held a Poké Ball in their hands, some smiling and others stone faced.

You might think about rewriting the bolded portion. It sounded kinda awkward as I was reading


Small gusts of wind hit Tyranitar in the side of his head, making the rock type slightly tilt it.

I don't think that the 'it' at the end of the sentence is something that you need. With it there, the sentence doesn't really make sense.


I usually go by Dimitrios; Leader of the Black Organization!”

Hmmm. Lucario too huh? I'm excited


One thing that irked me slightly was how fast Jayden and Hope went from leaving the group to track down Alexander, to spotted, to battling him. It just seemed rushed, like you were just eager to get to the main battle scene without describing things as you went. The pacing was off, just happened a bit too fast. Don't be afraid to slow things down to describe individual emotions, surrounding's, scenery, etc. It paints a nice picture and makes for an enjoyable read when you do so.


“Jayden, are you insane?!” Hope asked bewildered.

I really liked that Hope said that. It's not uncommon for a situation like Cyndaquil taking on Tyranitar to happen in the anime, but I really feel like it would be in an actual situation. Calling into light that the situation is hopeless and in no way winnable is really realistic. Especially since Hope knows exactly how long Jayden and Alexander have both been training Pokemon. Besides the obvious power and evolution differences, the sheer level of experience Alexander must have to get his Tyranitar to that point should show Jayden that it's beyond irresponsible to challenge him. I know he was mad, and out for vengeance, but it seems like he has a bit of a deathwish. I liked how casually bored you made Tyranitar, it made for a really good read. I've also always been a fan of main characters losing fights. Nice touch on that

All in all, I liked the chapter. Not a surprise though. I've read every chapter you've posted and I can easily connect with the characters now, which is good. Just be aware of pacing and scale. Make sure to also take the time to describe things as neatly and evenly as possible. You're doing very well, keep it up!

3D992
26th March 2012, 5:44 PM
Yay! The black organisation! I cant wait for chap14!

Shadow Lucario
30th March 2012, 5:57 PM
Finally the start of the Black Organization Arc. I know 3D has been waiting for this. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Expect a lot more Black Organization later on in the arc. Another return this chapter. I expect this one to surprise most. With that here is Encounter with the Darkness. Enjoy!

Chapter 14: Encounter with the Darkness

“Dimitrios…Curse you!”

“You won’t get away this time, Alexander. Surrender now!”

Jayden watched in awe as the man in black shouted to Alexander. His Lucario easily took down Alexander’s Tyranitar. Dimitrios began to walk towards Alexander, the latter recalling his Pokémon. The Team Lustrous commander chuckled, backing away slightly.

“Trying to cause a commotion are we now, Dimitrios?” The voice was smooth and subtle, coming from behind the Lustrous grunts. Aeolus stood in the middle of his grunts, his long hair flowing in the wind.

“That seems to be all we can do when we meet up old friend,” Dimitrios said with a smirk. “Now it’s time for you to give up your plans.”

“On the contrary,” replied Aeolus, stepping in front of Alexander. “I think it’s time that I kicked them into full gear.”

Pulling a Poké Ball out of his robes, Aeolus held it above his head. Dimitrios pulled his own out, recalling his Lucario. The two men stood, staring in each other’s eyes. Neither made a move nor a sound. Aeolus slowly lowered his Poké Ball before signaling his team to move out. Alexander gave Dimitrios one last glare before following the rest of Team Lustrous, disappearing on the other side of the wall.

“Are you three okay?” Dimitrios asked, turning to the three children.

“Yeah we’re fine,” Jayden said, picking up Cyndaquil. She looked up at him, a smile on her face.

“Who are you?” asked Hope as she moved closer to Jayden, Noctowl landing on her shoulder. “You beat that Tyranitar like it was nothing.”

“My name is Dimitrios,” he introduced himself. “I am the leader of The Black Organization.”

Jayden flinched when he heard The Black Organization. Jumping back, he pulled Hope with him, creating a distance between them.

“What do you want?” Jayden asked cautiously, remembering that Burton told him they were bad news.

“You have no need to worry about us,” Dimitrios told him with a laugh. “Unlike Aeolus, our goals don’t involve innocent people. Until you get involved with us, we won’t bother you.”

Jayden gritted his teeth, holding Cyndaquil close. Dimitrios turned and made motions with his hands at the rest of his syndicate. With just a nod, the men and women of The Black Organization disappeared into the shadows.

“There’s one thing you should know kids,” said Dimitrios as he began to walk away. “You can either ascend to the light and become blinded or you can fall into darkness and lose your way. You will have to make your choice sooner or later because Johto can’t make it on her own.”

Stepping into the shadows, Dimitrios disappeared as well. Jayden fell to his knees, putting Cyndaquil on the ground. His body shook with fear, his mind racing. Cyndaquil stood in front of her trainer, placing her tiny hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll need to become stronger,” he said. “Next time we can’t lose, not to either of them.”

-------------------------------------

“Ascend to the light or fall to darkness?”

“That’s what he said.”

“What do we do?”

“There’s only one thing we can do; keep training and make sure that if we run into them again we won’t lose.”

Back at the fire, Kaylie and Burton had been sitting and conversing. When Hope and Jayden returned they explained what had happened behind the town’s walls. Kaylie had been happy they came back okay while Burton tried to figure out the meaning behind what Dimitrios had said. Deciding it was best they stay on that route for another night, the group drifted off to sleep, one by one.

The sun slowly began to raise, rays shining in the trainers eyes. The first to wake was Kaylie. Jumping up she looked around, rubbing her eyes. Chirping from the Pidgey was the only sound around, the birds flying overhead. Kaylie stood, looking out into the blue sky, not a cloud in sight. Walking off towards the town, she looked up at the sky, a slight pink tint to it. The wind blew over her, her hair floating in it. A black smoke came from a few smokestacks atop the buildings in the town. Without stopping, Kaylie walked past the walls, finding herself in the middle of the settlement. There was no one outside around her; no Pokémon and no people.

“I thought you’d be here.”

The voice made Kaylie jump. She looked around, but couldn’t see anyone. Shaking her head, she decided it was her imagination playing tricks on her. A pressure was placed on her shoulder. It felt as if someone had gripped her shoulder. Turning once again, Kaylie saw nothing.

“What’s going on with me,” Kaylie whispered, falling to her knees.

“You’re conflicted.”

The voice came from in front of her this time. Appearing before her was a woman of about twenty-five. She had long flowing blonde hair, wearing a red bow to hold her bangs back. The white dress she wore was extremely elegant, as if she was attending a formal event. Her face looked just like Kaylie’s. She had the same eyes, nose, everything.

“Who…who are you?” Kaylie asked in awe.

“Why I’m your mother,” the woman said with a smile.

Inside Kaylie’s heart, a warm feeling began to intensify. Without even questioning it, Kaylie knew the woman was her mother. A feeling told her so. She wanted to reach out and touch her. She wanted to fall into her arms and have the woman tell her everything would be okay. Sadness and uncertainty rooted her to her spot on the ground.

“What do you mean I’m conflicted?” Kaylie asked, now standing.

“You feel loyalty to two different people,” the woman explained. “You feel loyal to your brother because, well, he’s your brother. He’s the closest family you have. Then your friends seem like your family and you feel a sense of loyalty to them and don’t want them to get hurt.”

“Then what do I do?” the girl asked desperately. “How can I choose between them? Alexander has been there for me all the time growing up…but Jay…Jayden…”

Her mother chuckled, placing her hand on Kaylie’s shoulder again as her daughter began to cry, tears falling to the ground. “You’ll figure it out dear. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. And I know your friends will be there for you.”

“How can you be so sure? I don’t know if they’ll treat me the same knowing that my brother has given me a decision like this.”

“Something tells me that you’re wrong there dear.”

The woman pointed behind Kaylie to which she turned. At the wall of the city were Jayden, Hope, Cyndaquil, and Totodile. Totodile looked as if he was fighting back the urge to cry. Looking back at the woman, the last thing Kaylie saw was her smile before she vanished into the wind. Before she could ready herself, her Pokémon ran up to her, tears pouring out of his eyes. The water type tackled her to the ground, rubbing against her closely.

“We got worried about you,” Jayden said with Cyndaquil on his shoulder, holding her backpack above her. “I figured you would come here.”

“I guess next time it’s me who gets to run off alone,” Hope said with a chuckle.

Kaylie wiped the tears from her face, standing with Totodile in her arms. “Thanks guys. I just needed to find some answers. Where’s Burton?”

“He said he was going to check out the Ruins of Alp near Violet,” Jayden explained. “Since the contest here was cancelled he figured that he had enough time to do some exploring.”

“Speaking of which, what are you two going to do about your gym battle?” Hope asked. “This is where your next challenge was and no one’s here.”

“I don’t care,” said Kaylie with a smile. “Just as long as we can keep going.”

“Alright then!” Jayden exclaimed, punching the air. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it! Now let’s get moving on to the next town!”

-------------------------------------

“Three days since we’ve seen a town; three days since we’ve seen any other person besides us; three days since we-”

“I’m really starting to think you can only complain Jay.”

Three days after leaving the empty Azalea Town the group of three trainers found themselves lost in a forest. The trees were extremely tall, the tops not able to be seen. The sounds of fluttering wings and pincers clamping was all around them. They undoubtedly came from the many bug type Pokémon that inhabited the forest. Sunlight barely cracked through the forest roof, offering minimal light.

“Hope, do you have any idea of where you’re going?” Jayden asked.

Looking around, Hope bit her lip. “Of course I do,” she lied. “We just need to keep heading in this direction.”

“We’ve been heading in this direction for the past four hours,” said Kaylie. “I think I’ve seen that same Weedle three times now.”

Shaking her head, Hope continued to lead the way, heading in the same direction she insisted was right. A few hundred feet ahead, light poured into the forest from a large opening. With a smile, Hope pointed towards it. Kaylie and Jayden shrugged, still following her. Once they reached the light, Hope put her hand through it, a warm feeling flowing through her. Completely stepping through it, she emerged out to a clearing. A stream traveled through the middle, connecting to a large lake. The trees were much smaller, being only about thirteen feet tall. Kaylie and Jayden stepped through, their mouths slightly agape.

“We’re not out, but this place is pretty cool,” commented Jayden.

“I told you I knew where I was going,” Hope told them with a smirk.

A sudden movement on the other side of the clearing drew their attention, all three of them drawing a Poké Ball. Staying completely still, the trainers watched the spot where the movement came from, ready to toss their Poké Balls if they needed to. What emerged shocked Kaylie and Jayden, their hands falling back to their sides. It was a boy of about their age with short brown hair. He was clad in all black, the signature attire of The Black Organization. The boy stepped forward, a smile on his face.

“Marshall,” whispered Jayden.

“Kaylie, Jayden,” he called. “It’s been quite a while.”

“Marshall,” Kaylie asked, “why are you with the enemy?”

Sidewinder
31st March 2012, 3:17 AM
Alexander gave on Dimitrios one last glare before following

Gave on? I think that would be better if 'on' was removed.


Stepping into the shadows, Dimitrios disappeared as well, his entire presence vanishing.

That really didn't sound quite right to me. Obviously his presence vanished if he disappeared. I just didn't think 'presence vanishing' was necessary


A sudden movement on the other side of the clearing drew their attention, all three of them drawing a Poké Ball.

I liked that. Comparing the Pokeballs to a gun was a nice touch. If that's what you were doing, lol.

Marshall being affiliated with the black organization was unexpected, and was an addition I liked. Though I thought how Kaylie phrased that last question was somewhat awkward. Not only that, but I felt like the chapter ended somewhat oddly. Like it was ended before it should have been. I liked it quite a deal, just felt like it was over much sooner than it should have.

Besides the portions I mentioned, I enoyed the chapter. I like that the black organization was introduced and am excited to see what their plans are and what exactly they are all about. For some reason, I find myself liking Kaylie more and more. I'm not exactly sure why, but every chapter, I hope for more development from her. I'm drawn to her take on things and her thoughts. I'm pretty sure her mother was an apparition of some kind, but I'm not entirely convinced; nice touch.

Good job on the chapter, and make sure you let me know when the next one is up!

fixthe_fernback
31st March 2012, 10:39 AM
Appearing before her was a woman of about twenty-five
From a simple look, I feel like this is just a bit too specific. I know, I know, how could that be a problem? Specificity is great, but this just seemed...off to me.

Perhaps saying, "Appearing before her was a woman who looked to be in her mid-twenties..." would have been better? I dunno, you're the writer, so it's obviously your call.

Other than some mistakes that Sidewinder already brought to attention, there wasn't much wrong with this chapter. It was a great read and I look forward to the next chapter, as always! Keep up the good work.

3D992
31st March 2012, 3:59 PM
Oooooo, the enemy. I still like the black organization! Good chap!

Glover
2nd April 2012, 6:47 AM
No it doesn't seem like that at all. Just stating what you think. I don't know if you remember, but Burton knows them and has known them for quite a while, well minus Hope. The reason they don't tell him is they want to put it behind them and focus more on their journey and since they have no idea who is responsible (yet) they can't have any feelings of vengeance. I should have handled that situation better. I'll work on that next time I have a similar event. I'm from Arizona too. What are you doing up at this time? :P

me getting caught up and speed reading. I have to agree with VT, the Unity City(?) bi there was a bit of a hit-and-run scene with no onsequences. It doesn't have to be vengence, pure anger and fear can be quite an achor on one's psyche, and Hope's already vulnerable seeing her brother. Say all she wants about feeling better, opne does not recover from having someone slip through your fingers like that. Take it from someone who's seen death, who's been in similar shoes to jayden's (well, cancer, not a world-dominating crime syndicate) there's no emotional off switch. It's got to drag out longer than that, some kind of funk or false fronting, or something.


Not too far from the hand was a plush Cyndaquil. Jayden lost feeling in his legs, dropping to his knees. Grabbing onto the plush he did the only thing he could do.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” What the? Why is Jayden grabbing random people's stuffed animals? That makes no sense at all. And personal preference, but I feel that the quotation there failed to capture the emotion there that Jayden was due. More fond of the "He screamed" cliffhangers myself, but that's me.


The two boys dropped their bags, nearly falling to the ground. Kaylie laughed as she sat her bag down, taking a seat next to Jayden. Slightly red she looked over at him, snapping her gaze back ahead of her once she saw that he noticed her eyes. Shrugging it off Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball, tossing it in the air. Cyndaquil emerged with a flip, looking around her when she landed.

“We’re not in a battle Cyndaquil,” Jayden told her, chuckling a little bit.

The small fire type blushed as she snuggled under her trainer’s arm, trying to hide her embarrassment. Kaylie looked over again, this time maintaining her gaze when Jayden’s eyes met hers. Burton noticed his friends locking eyes and stood quickly, brushing his pants off.
yay for Cyndaquil!

You know, this everyone's related thing seems a little chinsy. Maybe not, but I'm waiting for Burton to be a cousin...


We’ll play a little more then finish them.”




“I don’t usually go by you,” the man said, stepping in front of Jayden. “I usually go by Dimitrios; Leader of the Black Organization!”

/rimshot



“We’ve been heading in this direction for the past four hours,” said Kaylie. “I think I’ve seen that same Weedle three times now.”
Coming from Kaylie, that's funny. Usually though, going in the same direction is a good sign. it's going in circles that's the real problem.


“Marshall,” whispered Jayden.

“Kaylie, Jayden,” he called. “It’s been quite a while.”

“Marshall,” Kaylie said, “why are you with the enemy?” Intriguing confrontation. However, it shoudl read Kaylie asked, since it's a part fo a question.

That should get me caught up to the next chapter. Can't wait to review it.

Jayden's come a long way from the start. You've done a great job wit Cyndy, let's see fi we can't get something out of the other Pokemon, shall we? Hope's a mediocre character. Made a strong intro, but her post Sam feelings are shaky at times. She'll get there though.

The Burton battle held nothing really great, the banter was good but it felt like an "Oh, I need to show off some Pokemon" scene. Also, while a Tyranitar weathering a Cyndaquil is highly realistic, it felt repetitive after a while. Let's see someone get in a lucky shot sometime, maybe some pepper spray that makes it cry or something.

Lastly, your comment about not havign Pokegears sits funny with me. On the one hand, you have Burton commenting about Marshall dropping him a line, he'd need a phone to do that. On the other, game-liek or not, let's face it. Everyone in this day and age has a cellular device, and we aren;t going out in the world for years on end in soul-searching missions. And your story is hardly anything like the games, having a Pokegear will not change that. Something to keep in mind.

PS, Light or Dark huh? In that case, I choose Team Kyruem. Hooray for man-eating monsters!

Shadow Lucario
2nd April 2012, 11:02 AM
me getting caught up and speed reading. I have to agree with VT, the Unity City(?) bi there was a bit of a hit-and-run scene with no onsequences. It doesn't have to be vengence, pure anger and fear can be quite an achor on one's psyche, and Hope's already vulnerable seeing her brother. Say all she wants about feeling better, opne does not recover from having someone slip through your fingers like that. Take it from someone who's seen death, who's been in similar shoes to jayden's (well, cancer, not a world-dominating crime syndicate) there's no emotional off switch. It's got to drag out longer than that, some kind of funk or false fronting, or something.

I know that feel bro. I've known death for too long and it's still plaguing my life. I reacted just as Jayden did and recovered just as fast.


What the? Why is Jayden grabbing random people's stuffed animals? That makes no sense at all. And personal preference, but I feel that the quotation there failed to capture the emotion there that Jayden was due. More fond of the "He screamed" cliffhangers myself, but that's me.

Hey hey! Stuffed Cyndaquil, please. Anyway, in most movies I've seen when something like that is found the character can't help but pick it up. I think it helps them connect with the child that originally had possession of it. Besides, that thing isn't done quite yet.


yay for Cyndaquil!

I know who your favorite character is. :P


You know, this everyone's related thing seems a little chinsy. Maybe not, but I'm waiting for Burton to be a cousin...

Sorry to let you down, but Burton is just a friend. The only people that are related are Alexander and Kaylie, then Sam and Hope. Aside from that there are no siblings....yet.



/rimshot

Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week!


Coming from Kaylie, that's funny. Usually though, going in the same direction is a good sign. it's going in circles that's the real problem.

Ah crap. I meant circles and it came out wrong. Oh well.


Intriguing confrontation. However, it shoudl read Kaylie asked, since it's a part fo a question.

Fixed.


That should get me caught up to the next chapter. Can't wait to review it.

Added to the VM list.


Jayden's come a long way from the start. You've done a great job wit Cyndy, let's see fi we can't get something out of the other Pokemon, shall we? Hope's a mediocre character. Made a strong intro, but her post Sam feelings are shaky at times. She'll get there though.

Hope is a weird character. I wanted to make her much older than Kaylie and Jayden, but she turned out around the same age. I want to develop her because she's actually one of my favorites, but every time she ends up as a plot device. That's why I gave her some spotlight in Fading Light. I'll begin to develop her soon; don't worry.


The Burton battle held nothing really great, the banter was good but it felt like an "Oh, I need to show off some Pokemon" scene.

It served to show just how deadly a coordinator's Pokemon can be i.e Abra. That and we've never seen Burton's team so I decided to give Jayden's Pokemon some training while showing Burton's Pokemon.


Also, while a Tyranitar weathering a Cyndaquil is highly realistic, it felt repetitive after a while. Let's see someone get in a lucky shot sometime, maybe some pepper spray that makes it cry or something.

What I tried to do with this was show that the difference in both experience and skill is very vast between Jayden and Alexander. While I don't have exact ages on some characters, Alexander is at least four years older than Kaylie and Jayden. I can't go into too much detail about him because....well you'll see!


Lastly, your comment about not havign Pokegears sits funny with me. On the one hand, you have Burton commenting about Marshall dropping him a line, he'd need a phone to do that. On the other, game-liek or not, let's face it. Everyone in this day and age has a cellular device, and we aren;t going out in the world for years on end in soul-searching missions. And your story is hardly anything like the games, having a Pokegear will not change that. Something to keep in mind.

I check on the Burton and Marshall thing and he said that Marshall hasn't dropped him a line. I don't know if people use that specifically for phones, but I use it for any type of communication whether it be a message, letter, phone call, or even having someone tell me something. The reason they don't have Pokegears is I don't really see who they would call besides their guardians and they can do that at a Pokemon Center. I'll look into communication devices though.


PS, Light or Dark huh? In that case, I choose Team Kyruem. Hooray for man-eating monsters!

Too bad he's not a choice! Make your decision! >:D

Many thanks for the reviews people. I'll be working really hard on the next chapter so it's in top form. Also I have a few projects that I plan on doing so keep your eyes out for that. I forgot to mention that I added Alexander's and Burton's biographies to the first post so don't forget to check those out. It sheds a little light on Alexander and when I say a little I mean a little. Chapter 15 should be up Monday or Tuesday.

ThisIsPatrick
4th April 2012, 12:42 PM
This is quite possibly the best fanfic I've read so far! Keep up the good work! ;)

Shadow Lucario
4th April 2012, 12:49 PM
This is quite possibly the best fanfic I've read so far! Keep up the good work! ;)

Many thanks. I'll add you to the VM list. Next chapter WILL be released today. Had many things going on yesterday.

Shadow Lucario
4th April 2012, 5:03 PM
Plot heavy chapter, but that's expected of this arc. I was planning on releasing this two days ago, but it wasn't quite finished. Return, new characters, and a history visited is what this chapter comprises of. It was a fun chapter to write. One of my favorites. I hope it's one of yours too. Now enjoy!

Chapter 15: The Midnight Sun

“Marshall, why are you with the enemy?”

“The Black Organization has plans for Johto; plans that will change everything for the better. They’re not your enemy.”

Balling his hand into a fist, Jayden shook in anger, watching as his friend approached them. From behind Marshall came three more people, all wearing similar uniforms. Marshall held out his hand, motioning for them to walk to him.

“You guys should join us,” he said. “We started this journey together so why not see it through to the end together?”

“Because we started this journey to find ourselves!” yelled Jayden. “We didn’t become Pokémon trainers to help some criminal syndicate accomplish their goals!”

Lowering his hand, Marshall looked over to Kaylie. “What do you think Kaylie?”

“Marshall…” whispered Kaylie, her hand covering her mouth. “I-I can’t. This isn’t right…”

“Then I’ll have to take care of you here and now.”

From his belt, Marshall pulled a Poké Ball. Kaylie gasped while Jayden and Hope pulled Poké Balls out as well. Hope and Jayden launched theirs, Noctowl and Pidgey emerging side by side. The two flying types flew near their trainers, waiting for Marshall to call out his Pokémon.

“Bayleef, front and center!” Marshall shouted.

From his Poké Ball came a creature that resembled a dinosaur. It was a shade of yellow, a dark green leaf atop its head. Around its neck were what appeared to be leaves as well, forming a ring. Stomping on the ground as it emerged, the Pokémon reared its head back and let out a cry.

“Your Chikorita evolved?!” Jayden asked startled.

“This is the type of power the Black Organization can offer you. Bayleef, hit them with Razor Leaf!”

Pidgey and Noctowl flew around Bayleef, attempting to get out of his range. Even with them on either side, Bayleef had a confident smile on his face. Swinging the leaf on his head around, razor sharp leaves shot out, hitting both Noctowl and Pidgey. The birds were taken aback, but didn’t sustain much damage.

“Pidgey, show him Wing Attack!” Jayden shouted.

“Noctowl, you use Air Slash right after the Pidgey’s attack!” Hope ordered.

Pidgey dove close to the ground, flying just barely above it. His wings began to glow as he neared Bayleef. The grass type was ready for Pidgey’s attack, jumping over the bird.

“Now Noctowl!” Hope yelled. “Air Slash before Bayleef can land!”

Noctowl flapped his wings vigorously, the wind slicing at Bayleef. Despite dodging Pidgey, Bayleef could not avoid Noctowl’s attack. The wind hit Bayleef all over, small cries of pain emitting from him. Two vines shot out of his neck, grabbing onto Noctowl, constricting his wings.

“Slam him into Pidgey!” called Marshall.

Pidgey began his way back towards Bayleef, trying to help his friend. Just before he could reach them, Bayleef launched Noctowl at him. The two flying types collided, slamming against a tree. Noctowl flew up as soon as they hit the tree, but Pidgey slid to the ground, breathing heavily.

“Pidgey!” Jayden called. He pulled out a Poké Ball, but Pidgey stood, shaking his head. Jayden slowly lowered the Poké Ball, knowing that Pidgey didn’t want to give up. “Alright then, use Gust!”

Shaking the pain off, Pidgey returned to the air, flapping his wings as hard as he could. The tornado he produced made its way towards Bayleef, bits and pieces of the ground being torn up.

“Out of the way, Bayleef,” Marshall said, the same confidence coming from him that came from Bayleef.

Another vine shot out from his neck. Grabbing onto a tree, Bayleef pulled himself to the opposite side of the tornado. Using the momentum, the grass type swung around the tree, hitting Pidgey in the back. Flipping forward, Pidgey turned to face Bayleef, unleashing a ball of wind from his wings. The ball of wind suddenly became surrounded in a blue aura. Letting go of the tree, Bayleef ran back to Marshall as he landed. The ball crashed through the trees, cracking them as it went.

“That would have been bad,” said Marshall, wiping a bit of sweat from his brow.

“Noctowl, Hypnosis!” commanded Hope.

Noctowl’s eyes began to glow blue as he flew towards Bayleef. In a split second he appeared in front of Bayleef, the latter shocked by his speed. The grass type stared deep into Noctowl’s eyes before nodding off to sleep.

“Go Pidgey,” called Jayden, “use Aerial Ace!”

Flying high into the sky, Pidgey crossed the crack in the forest ceiling. Just as he passed it, he began to glow for a split second. When he came back down, he had become bigger. Atop his head was a pink plumage. Black markings now surrounded his eyes. Pidgey had evolved into Pidgeotto! With speed comparable to Noctowl, Pidgeotto slammed into Bayleef, knocking him back into a tree. No longer asleep, Bayleef lay against the tree, not moving. Marshall quickly recalled him, a scowl on his face.

“I see you’ve become quite the trainer,” he commented. “You can become even stronger than this. Join us.”

“I don’t want anything to do with your criminal activity,” Jayden told him, Pidgeotto landing on his shoulder. “I told you I wouldn’t join you and that’s my final answer.”

“You’ll regret not joining us Jayden. I’ll make sure of that.” With those words, Marshall and the rest of the Black Organization disappeared back into the trees.

“So who exactly was that?” Hope asked as she recalled Noctowl.

“He used to be a friend,” Jayden replied. “Now he’s an enemy.”

-----------------------------------------

“They wouldn’t join us Dimitrios. They seemed definite in their answer. I lost on purpose like you said, but I don’t see what that accomplished.”

“Listen Marshall; they want to interfere in our plans. Since you lost that gives them the feeling of being stronger. When we meet again and crush them, their spirits will be broken and we will be there to pick them up as the newest members of the Black Organization. Now get your Pokémon checked and healed.”

Outside Azalea Town, Dimitrios looked over the small town, sitting on a hill that overlooked it. Marshall took a seat next to him after handing his Poké Ball to another member. The two looked on as people slowly returned to the town. Each day, more people learned that Team Lustrous had left, leaving the town without as much as a sound.

“We can’t let Team Lustrous succeed in their plans,” Dimitrios said. “We must stop them at all costs.”

“And what are their plans?” Marshall asked.

“They want to wipe anyone who doesn’t follow them off the face of the planet.” Dimitrios’ hands balled into fists, his hands shaking slightly.

“What?! Why would they want to do that?”

“Decades ago before there were a Black Organization or Team Lustrous, Aeolus and I had been Pokémon trainers. On our journey we came across many different tablets and such that told of a human, chosen by the light to begin the world anew. The tablet said those that follow the light would be spared and those who did not would be purged, forced into everlasting chaos.”

“He’s trying…to end the world…”

Dimitrios stood, looking down at the small group of townspeople that returned. “That’s where our plans fit in. Unbeknownst to Aeolus I had found another tablet that spoke of the darkness that the light would create. I am that darkness, the shadow of his light, and I must stop him so that we can cover the world in shadows! Eliminate all light so that we will be in control! Peace will be upon us yet!”

-----------------------------------------

“Aipom, use Fury Swipes!”

“Dodge, Cyndaquil!”

Deep in the Ilex Forest, Kaylie decided to get in some last minute training before they reached Goldenrod City. She chose to use Aipom, a Pokémon she hasn’t used since Violet City. Despite not being used in a long time, Aipom was in top form, giving Cyndaquil a run for her money.

“Now use Flame Wheel,” ordered Jayden.

Cyndaquil dashed towards Aipom, flames surrounding her. The monkey, using the environment to his advantage, jumped into the trees, swinging around to Cyndaquil’s back.

“Now use Swift!” Kaylie called.

Several stars shot out of Aipom’s tail as he swung it. They came in at Cyndaquil from all directions. Unable to dodge, Cyndaquil put her hands over her head, the stars hitting her from every side.

“Counter with Ember!”

Running at Aipom, Cyndaquil jumped over him, releasing a barrage of fireballs. The embers hit Aipom in the chest, knocking him back. The normal type fell, unable to battle.

“Great job Cyndaquil!” Jayden praised her.

Cyndaquil smiled running back to her trainer. Kaylie recalled Aipom, telling him what a great job he did.

“Cyndaquil is getting pretty strong,” said Hope. “She’ll be excellent in your next gym battle.”

“Speaking of, what type of gym is in Goldenrod?” Kaylie asked.

“Beats me,” Jayden said, recalling Cyndaquil.

“We’ll just have to find out. Let’s get movin!”

Continuing down the winding path in the dark forest, the three trainers looked around them, unfamiliar noises coming from the bushes. Light poured in from an opening not too far from where they were. Along with light, all kinds of voices came in.

“Think that might be the exit?” asked Jayden.

A car horn answered his question. Taking off, the group ran towards the exit. As they emerged onto asphalt, a figure stepped in front of them. Not able to stop their momentum, the three crashed into the figure, only them falling down.

“Oh man! We’re so sorry!” Hope said, rubbing her head as they stood.

The person they had run into looked to be about their age. He had long red hair that came down to his shoulders. The look in his green eyes appeared cold, but the look on his face was soft.

“It’s fine,” he told them. “I see you just came from Ilex Forest. You were probably just happy to see the exit. My name is Lorin by the way.”

The group introduced themselves to Lorin, each shaking his hand. Kaylie for some reason couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. Looking over him, she saw that he liked to match, his black boots matching the black coat and pants he wore. His jacket was outlined in red, matching the color of his hair.

“So what brings you to Goldenrod City Lorin?” Hope asked.

Looking around him, Lorin stepped closer before answering. His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke. “The Black Organization.”

Sidewinder
4th April 2012, 5:49 PM
Well,

I can see you are improving with your grammar and spelling. My eyes were trained pretty hard and I couldn't find much, keep that up, it adds alot to the story when you dont have to stop and go over passages that are full of mistakes. So good work on that. My only real complaint was the length of the chapter. It kinda felt like it was over before it began. I've noticed that with a few of your chapters. This one did have plot in it, and the battle with Bayleef was nice, but I felt like It was over too quickly. When I come to the end of your chapters, I almost always find myself wanting more, and I felt like this chapter would have been somewhat better if it had been longer. Don't be afraid to write long chapters when it calls for it. I'm always excited to see a chapter that takes me a while to get through. Lorin is a surprising addition and I'm curious to see what's going to come from him.

Pretty good chapter once again, and thanks for VM'ing me that it was up. I look forward to the next chapter, and more from the Black Organization.

Keep up the good work!

3D992
6th April 2012, 8:00 AM
Thanks for vming me too. I would join the black organization if they layed all their plans out for me to see. If I agreed then id join them. Good new chap!

Shadow Lucario
6th April 2012, 6:35 PM
Second to last chapter of this arc. I would kick up the rating of this chapter to PG-15. Why? You'll see. :P More questions are raised in this chapter but no answers. I'll get on those later. I liked writing this chapter. I thought it was fun to play around with. I hope you like it as well. It's longer than all the others. Now enjoy!

Chapter 16: Nightfall Part 1

“I see; your sister was taken by the Black Organization and you’re trying to get her back.”

“We have a similar situation with a different syndicate. I’m sure you’ll be able to get her back.”

Walking from Ilex Forest onto Goldenrod City, the three trainers bumped into Lorin, a young boy who seeks to release his sister from the Black Organization’s grip.

The sun was beaming down on them from the middle of the sky. Clouds had been absent, the blue backdrop seeming to go on forever. A slight wind blew over them, some leaves picking up.

“What is that?” Kaylie asked, pointing to a large building not too far ahead of them.

The building appeared broken, dust covering even the outside. One of the two pillars that stood outside the front door was on its side. Most of the blue paint had been chipped away, the wood showing that the building stood there for quite some time. As they walked up to it, they could feel a cold feeling emitting from the house.

“This house is huge,” Hope commented. “It’s the biggest one I’ve seen.”

Just then, a sharp scream was heard coming from the house. Without saying anything, Lorin dashed in, the door squeaking as it was thrown open. With a nod, Jayden followed him. Kaylie sighed, her and Hope running in soon after.

The inside was very narrow, a staircase to the right. Running up the stairs, Jayden landed on a large second floor. There was very little light, all the windows being blocked by curtains or wood panels. He took in a breath, but soon found himself coughing, dust invading his lungs. There was a patting on his back and when he turned he saw Kaylie, smiling at him.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Jayden replied with a slight cough. “Where did Hope go?”

“She’s checking out the downstairs. We ran into Lorin and he said he heard shuffling somewhere in the house.”

“Then that means we have to check out up here. Stay close to me. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Grabbing her by the wrist, Jayden led Kaylie across the floor, coming to a door. Pushing it open, they came to another large room. This one appeared to be a second sitting room. Dusty couches and recliners were here and there. A portrait hung to their right, a large man in the picture. He seemed very familiar to Jayden, but he couldn’t place his finger on it. He knew he saw that skeletal structure before, came across that same beard somewhere else. Another door lay on the opposite side of the room, barely hanging on by the hinges. The darkness made it impossible to guess what had been in there.

“I’m going to go see what’s in that next room,” Jayden told Kaylie. “You stay right here.”

Responding with a nod, Kaylie held her breath as Jayden crossed the room slowly. When he came to the door he peered in, still not able to see anything.

“I can’t see anything,” he said. “It’s too dar-”

Just as he spoke something shot out of the room. Ducking his head, Jayden barely dodged whatever had rocketed right by him. Another cold feeling passed over him, shivers shooting up his spine. He motioned for Kaylie to get down, the girl hitting the floor instantly. Looking up, he saw a ball of purple mist hanging in the middle of the room. Inside the mist he saw a small sphere. When the mist turned he was met with a pair of sad eyes.

“Is that a Gastly?” Jayden questioned.

The sphere opened its mouth when it heard the word Gastly, revealing two large fangs. It flew over to where Jayden was, appearing before him in a split second. Smiling at him, Gastly motioned for a table next to one of the couches. Walking over to it, Jayden saw that a Poké Ball lay on it, a piece of paper next to it. Picking up the paper, he wiped the dust off of it, trying to make out the fancy cursive writing.

“What is it Jay?” Kaylie asked, peering over at him.

“It’s a Poké Ball and some kind of note. This Gastly wanted to show me the Poké Ball for some reason.”

“Dear son, inside this Poké Ball is a Pokémon that I wanted to give you,” the note read. “I know you’ve wanted to start your journey and with this Gastly you’ll be able to do just that. I must take my leave for now, but do not fret. I will return. Take care of your sister Daniel. I will be back soon. I will write you a letter every day when I get to Kanto. They will rue the day they made Jayden Sector join the fight! Sincerely, Dad.”

As he read the last few sentences, Jayden’s mouth dropped. His hands started to shake slightly. The letter he was holding was for his dad. The Gastly that floated by him was supposed to be his dad’s. Several thoughts shot through his head, all of them confusing the boy.

“What is it?” asked Kaylie, standing up.

“My dad used to live here,” he whispered. “This note is from my grandpa and this Gastly is my dad’s.”

“That’s insane.” Kaylie walked over to him, looking over the note herself.

Gastly smiled at Jayden again, letting out a sharp scream. “That’s the scream we heard. So it was you all along, Gastly?”

Gastly nodded, his entire body moving. Picking up the Poké Ball, Jayden clutched it tightly, blowing the dust off. Gastly hit the Poké Ball, the sphere opening and pulling the ghost type into it.

“What are you going to do with it?” Kaylie asked.

“I’m going to have to return it to my dad. When we get to Goldenrod I’ll call him and transfer it over. Besides, I’ve got a few questions for him. Let’s get back to the other two.”

“Hold on.” Kaylie grabbed Jayden’s arm, pulling him towards the door that was barely hanging on. “Let’s explore a little longer.”

Placing the Poké Ball on his belt, Jayden followed Kaylie into the next room. The darkness encompassed them, their eyes slowly adjusting. This new room appeared to just connect the previous one to another, being very small. Turning to their left, Kaylie pushed open another door. Small amounts of light filtered in through a door on the opposite side of the room as well as a window, wooden panels blocking most of it.

“This looks like a bedroom,” Jayden observed, noticing the bed and desk. Looking around, he saw posters of a man in a cape, his red hair defying gravity. Next to him was a large orange dragon, tiny wings on its back. “At least whoever lived in this room had good taste in trainers.”

Jayden walked over to the bed, seeing that it was dust free. Kaylie walked to the other side of the room, closing the door, the little light in the room disappearing. Jayden turned quickly, feeling Kaylie’s presence right by him.

“What are yo-”

Before he could finish, Kaylie placed her lips on his, pulling him close to her. Shocked, Jayden couldn’t do anything, but act on instinct. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly. When they broke apart, all they could do was look at each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Kaylie placed her hand onto Jayden’s chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. The two teens fell onto the bed, Kaylie lying on top of Jayden. As they kissed again, the small amount of light that remained in the room vanished. Jayden knew what was going to happen, but for some reason he couldn’t fight it. He just couldn’t say no.

-------------------------------------

“…then Team Lustrous kidnapped my brother and I’ve been searching for him ever since. We came close to getting him back, but that damn Alexander stopped me!”

“I understand that it’s tough to lose someone you love, especially to those scumbags.”

“Sometimes it’s just too hard. I put up a good act in front of Kaylie and Jayden, but when I’m alone I can’t help but cry.”

Hope and Lorin had been walking around the first floor, slowly getting to know each other. They came to large room that appeared to be the sitting room. A large couch lay against the back wall, a large window behind that. The window was boarded up, no light coming in from the outside. A scuffle sounded from the other side, a girl falling through a door. She hit the floor hard, her brown hair covering her face.

“Marina!” Lorin called, starting to run over to her.

Before he could reach her, a man stepped out of the next room, standing over her. Lorin stopped in his tracks, looking up at the man with a snarl. The man picked up the girl known as Marina with ease, throwing her over his shoulder.

“You let her go now!” Lorin shouted.

The man looked down at Lorin, his dark brown eyes looking straight through him. Lorin drew a Poké Ball from his belt, showing no fear. Without a word, the man drew a Poké Ball as well, tossing it into the air.

“I’d suggest you get out of here before my Nidorino has to make you,” the man said, his voice booming.

“We’ll see about that,” Lorin spat back, tossing his Poké Ball into the air.

From the man’s Poké Ball came a fairly large pink creature. A large horn protruded from its head. Spikes ran down its back, stopping at the middle. It flapped its large ears before stomping the ground. From Lorin’s Poké Ball came a bipedal reptile Pokémon. The room lit up due to the flame on its tail. Its scales were a dark red, save for its tan underbelly. Much like Nidorino, it had a horn, but it protruded from the back of its head as opposed to the front. Swinging its sharp claws, it looked prepared to battle.

“Charmeleon, use Ember!” shouted Lorin.

Jumping to the side, Charmeleon opened his mouth to release a barrage of small fireballs. Compared to Cyndaquil’s, they were much larger and brighter. The embers hit Nidorino in the side of the face, the poison type flinching.

“Now follow up with Metal Claw!” Lorin continued.

Charmeleon dashed at Nidorino, his claws beginning to glow. Nidorino jumped back, his horn starting to glow as well. The two glowing body parts collided, a loud clang sounding from it. Flipping backwards, Charmeleon smirked at Nidorino, which he returned.

“Show them Double Kick,” the man ordered.

Charmeleon watched as his opponent ran around him, jumping into the air. The fire type jumped back, spewing flames onto the tile floor. When Nidorino landed, he jumped back into the air, his feet burning from the fire. Landing on his side, Nidorino pushed himself back up.

“Hit Double Kick now!” the man yelled.

Reluctantly, Nidorino charged Charmeleon once more. Lorin took notice of the Pokémon’s hesitance, coming up with a plan.

“Charmeleon, stop Nidorino in his tracks!”

The fire type grabbed hold of Nidorino’s horn, sliding back a little before coming to a complete stop. Mustering all the strength he could, Charmeleon swung Nidorino over his head, slamming him into the floor. The tile cracked, small shards shooting everywhere.

“Now go get Marina!” Lorin yelled.

Charmeleon dashed at the man, running in a zig zag fashion. When the Pokémon got near him, the man threw a kick. Easily dodging it, Charmeleon slashed at the man’s arm holding Marina. The man let go of the girl, dropping her to the floor. The fire type picked the girl up, retreating back to his trainer.

“Damn you…” the man cursed, recalling his Nidorino, holding his now bleeding arm. “You ruined the plans of the Black Organization! Someday you’ll get yours!”

The man ran into the next room, exiting the house. Lorin kneeled down next to his sister. Marina wrapped her arms around him, her entire body shaking. Lorin held her close, stroking her hair.

“It’s okay sis. You’re safe.” Lorin chuckled, smiling at Charmeleon. “Charmeleon is the one who saved you.”

Turning to Charmeleon, the girl embraced him as well. The Pokémon nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. Hope looked over them, a smile on her face as well. A single tear trickled down her cheek, breaking off and hitting the floor.

“Marina, I need you to go straight home,” Lorin told her, grabbing her shoulder. “Mom and Dad will be happy to see you. I need to help out my friend Hope here. I may not be home for a while. Take my Azumaril for protection.”

Marina nodded as her brother handed her a Poké Ball. The girl ran out of the house, not looking back. Recalling Charmeleon, Lorin noticed the tear on Hope’s face, wiping it away.

“Why didn’t she say anything? Wasn’t she happy to see you?” Hope asked, another tear streaming down her face.

“She’s been mute ever since she saw our grandmother die,” Lorin explained wiping the second tear away as well. “The trauma she must have felt…”

“I’m sorry. Why didn’t you go with her? She can’t possibly control a Pokémon without telling it what moves to use.”

“Well for starters, there are many more ways to issue a command besides with your voice. And second, I need to help you find your brother and most importantly bring him back. I know how you feel all too well and I want to help ease that pain.”

Without thinking, Hope wrapped her arms around Lorin, a big smile on her face.

-------------------------------------

Outside the house, the group of now four stared at the house. After a quick explanation of who had lived there and the battle that had transpired, the trainers decided it was best to leave and continue onwards to Goldenrod.

“I’m glad you’ll be joining us, Lorin,” said Jayden. “I needed another guy around here. Too much estrogen for my tastes.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Hope and Kaylie asked in unison.

“I know what he means,” Lorin said with a chuckle.

Slapping them on the backs of their head, Lorin and Jayden smiled at each other, Kaylie and Hope letting out frustrated sighs. Not too far away lay a large city. There were many tall skyscrapers, the sun shining off the windows. The city seemed to stretch on forever with buildings as far as the eye could see.

“That’s Goldenrod?” Hope asked, her jaw dropping.

“It’s huge!” exclaimed Jayden.

“Yeah it’s pretty impressive,” said Lorin.

Kaylie was the only one to not comment on the city’s size. Instead she looked off to her side, an eerie feeling creeping over her. As the sun began to lower, the feeling began to take over her body, not knowing what it could have been. By the time they reached the city, the moon had replaced the sun. Even though it had been night time, the streets of Goldenrod were still packed. The neon signs had come on, music blasted from all different directions, and many people yelled at you to come and buy something you knew you didn’t need.

Heading straight to the Pokémon Center, Jayden beelined right to the phones, picking up the receiver and pushing a bunch of number right by the screen. A picture of Jayden’s dad popped up as the phone began to ring.

“♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫” the phone blared. “♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫”

“Arceus, that’s so annoying!” said Kaylie.

The line dropped while the screen read, “Not available.” Hanging the phone up, Jayden turned to the clock above Nurse Joy’s desk. “That’s odd. My dad should be home right now. I’ll try again later.”

“In the meantime, let’s check in and go out!” Kaylie suggested.

“It’s what she always says,” Jayden whispered to Lorin.

“Fine by me,” Hope said.

Walking over to the desk, the four trainers checked into a room, the Nurse Joy handing them four keys. As they ran to the elevator, a man dressed in a black cloak walked in, watching them, his red eyes trained on Kaylie.

“Excuse me, are you a trainer?” Nurse Joy asked the man cautiously.

The man looked at her and she instantly cowered in fear. The small amount of trainers in the center watched as he walked towards the elevator, a Poké Ball in his hand.

“Kaylie Janson, sister of Alexander Janson.” The man’s voice was rough, sounding as if he was a smoker. “I’ve finally found you.”

3D992
7th April 2012, 1:39 AM
Oooooo shes in trouble.... ummmmm that was an awkward chapter.....

Canto
9th April 2012, 2:41 AM
Great chapter, I like the cliffhanger. Looking forward to Chapter 17!

Sidewinder
9th April 2012, 4:22 PM
They will rue the day they made Jayden Sector join the fight! Sincerely, Dad.”


They will rue the day?


“♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫” the phone blared. “♫ Ring ring ring! Ring ring ring! Phone call! Phone call! ♫”

I thought the music notes were a nice touch at first, but as I read on, they kept making me break off an go back to them, distracting from them as I was reading. I mean, it didn't ruin the passage or anything, but it distracted me a bit.

Other than that, I thought you did a good job. Like I said with the last chapter, your grammar and spelling are improving a great deal...That's something to be proud of, as it shows you're listening to advice that's being given to you. Gastly was a nice touch, along with Jayden stumbling into his fate in order to meet it. Nice work.

One part that was pretty funny to me, was when Jayden and Kaylie were upstairs getting busy, Hope and Lorin were downstairs fighting for his sisters life. It cracked me up a bit, especially since I'm sure the question of where the both of them were at will probably eventually come up. Nice touch. All in all, it was nicely done, and I'm eager to see where this is going. Cliff hanger at the end definately piqued my want of the next chapter. Keep it up!

Glover
11th April 2012, 7:27 PM
A while back, and I coui;dn't find it now, but you made a comment about "Help! The shippers have gotten to me! Must.. Resist..." in one of your chapter prefaces.


Jayden walked over to the bed, seeing that it was dust free. Kaylie walked to the other side of the room, closing the door, the little light in the room disappearing. Jayden turned quickly, feeling Kaylie’s presence right by him.

“What are yo-”

Before he could finish, Kaylie placed her lips on his, pulling him close to her. Shocked, Jayden couldn’t do anything, but act on instinct. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly. When they broke apart, all they could do was look at each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Kaylie placed her hand onto Jayden’s chest, feeling his racing heartbeat. The two teens fell onto the bed, Kaylie lying on top of Jayden. As they kissed again, the small amount of light that remained in the room vanished. Jayden knew what was going to happen, but for some reason he couldn’t fight it. He just couldn’t say no.



Yeah... Hardcore Fail...

I have more about that scene, but let's take it from the top, shall we?


The inside was very narrow, a staircase to the right. Running up the stairs, Jayden landed on a large second floor. There was very little light, all the windows being blocked by curtains or wood panels. He took in a breath, but soon found himself coughing; dust invading his lungs.


Take care of your sister, Daniel. I will be back soon. I will write you a letter every day when I get to Kanto. They will rue the day they made Jayden Sector join the fight! Sincerely, Dad.”

This makes for aslightly confusing predicament. Is our Jayden named for his grandfather then? It's a nice bit of foreshadowing, nonetheless, but it wants to eirher read as an old note (I suspect how you want it), or as one that Gramps wrote because he found out his Grandson was getting tied up and he's gone to Kanto for who knows why to strike back.

The Bedroom scene...
Really, why? This feels radically out of place. Warm, romantic moments can occur in proper mood lighting, or after traumatic and highly pressured scenes that remind people of the mortality of life. This... this is neither. This is "Oh look! A bed! Let's screw in it!" Rather a bit forward for Kaylie, and quite abrupt. No Pokemon using Sweet Kiss, not Cupid's arrow, it's a bedroom. Maybe some dramatic tension is needed in the section ahead of this one, something to set Kaylie off besides inconvienent teenage hormones. Realistic though it may be (I'm keeping myself from those situations, so I wouldn't know) in a storytelling format, it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Are you now as disturbed by this review as I am?




“…then Team Lustrous kidnapped my brother and I’ve been searching for him ever since. We came close to getting him back, but that damn Alexander stopped me!”
I don't think we're going to like when he finds out who Kaylie is...


“I understand that. It’s tough to lose someone you love, especially to those scumbags.”
Technically, this is an okay sentence, but its an awkward read. The first partis Hope sypathizing more specifically than hte second part.


A scuffle sounded from the other side, a girl falling through a door. She hit the floor hard, her brown hair covering her face.

“Marina!” Lorin called, starting to run over to her.
Awkward tense change there.


Swinging its sharp claws, it looked prepared to battle.
Also technically correct, but "prepared" feels a lot more like a verb here, when it's supposed to be a synonym for words liek "ready"


Charmeleon watched as his opponent ran around him, jumping into the air. The fire type jumped back, spewing flames onto the tile floor. When Nidorino landed, he jumped back into the air, his feet burning from the fire. Landing on his side, Nidorino pushed himself back up.
Yay for envirnment!


The fire type grabbed hold of Nidorino’s horn, sliding back a little before coming to a complete stop. Mustering all the strength he could, Charmeleon swung Nidorino over his head, slamming him into the floor. The tile cracked, small shards shooting everywhere.
What, no Poison Point?


“Marina, I need you to go straight home,” Lorin told her, grabbing her shoulder. “Mom and Dad will be happy to see you. I need to help out my friend Hope here. I may not be home for a while. Take my Azumaril for protection.”

Marina nodded as her brother handed her a Poké Ball. The girl ran out of the house, not looking back. Recalling Charmeleon, Lorin noticed the tear on Hope’s face, wiping it away.
Something feels slightly off to me here, as well. Lorin's spends all this time looking for Marina, finds her, and then in six sentences she's turned out into the world with a water rabbit. I know we have enough people in the main cast, but it undoes all of Lorin's "Find my sister" biography to do it this way. he found her, big whoop, now he's arm candy for Ho-

Did I say that out loud?


Outside the house, the group of now four stared at the house. House repetition

Nothing in the spelling department though really, you're doing very well in that department. As to this, take what you agree with, leave the rest. My apologies on the tardiness.

Shadow Lucario
17th April 2012, 6:46 PM
It is with a heavy heart that I must put this fan fiction on hiatus. Recently my computer has gone kaput and there is no way of revivng it. I must now get a completely new laptop and until then I cannot write. Luckily I hadn't started the next chapter and I was only three pages into my next project that ties in with this fan fiction. I hope to have a new computer by the end of this month. Until then I will try to use my grandmother's computer so that you guys aren't without your favorite Cyndaquil and trainer. Until next time.

3D992
17th April 2012, 6:54 PM
That's too bad... Hope you like your new laptop!

Shadow Lucario
2nd May 2012, 9:04 AM
I've decided to take to pen and paper so that I can keep this story rolling. Chapter 17 is about 50% complete so once that is up the updates will hopefully be just as fast as they were when I started this thing. I'll have to go to my grandmother's and hope she'll let me use her computer of course. Good thing my job doesn't involve a computer. I'd like to have chapter 17 up before the end of the week. Until next time.

Shadow Lucario
2nd May 2012, 11:39 PM
Finally! Perhaps the longest wait for a chapter yet! The final chapter of the Black Organization arc is finished and ready for your viewing pleasure. In this chapter we see something we haven't seen in a while involving a certain character. I'm happy to see this arc wrapped up so nicely. It will make the plot easier to flow in the next arc. Now enjoy!

Chapter 17: Nightfall Part 2

“Let’s hurry this up.”

“Do they always take this long?”

“You can’t rush perfection!”

In their room at the Pokémon Center, Lorin and Jayden stood outside in the hallway while Kaylie and Hope got dressed. Instead of taking half an hour, Jayden and Lorin quickly changed into black button down shirts, keeping their jeans on. Finally exiting the room, Hope was wearing a white dress, sparkles all over it while Kaylie had chosen a blue dress, both very form fitting. Jayden and Lorin looked away, slightly blushing.

“What do you think boys?” Kaylie asked.

“Uh, you look, um,” stammered Jayden.

“I-I uh think what he’s, um, trying to say,” Lorin stuttered.

“We look good,” Hope finished.

Leading the boys, Hope and Kaylie started towards the elevator. Lorin and Jayden followed, still looking around the hallway. A loud ding was heard, signaling the elevator reaching the floor. The group stood outside the doors as they slowly slid open. A large man dressed in black stepped out, staring down on them.

“Kaylie Janson,” the man said, his voice rough and raspy, “sister of Alexander Janson. I believe it’s time for my revenge…”

“Do you know this guy Kaylie?” Jayden asked, a chill running up his spine as he looked at the man.

“I’ve never seen him in my life,” Kaylie said, shocked.

The man pulled a Poké Ball from his belt, enlarging it. Once he launched it, the four trainers jumped back. From the white light came a large bear. It towered over all the trainers, its head nearly hitting the ceiling. A large tan circle was on the middle of its stomach, matching the color of its muzzle. Letting out a roar, the Pokémon shook the entire room, the four kids nearly falling to the ground.

“We need to get out of here!” shouted Jayden as he reached for a Poké Ball. “I’ll try and hold him off!”

“Show them Hyper Beam,” said the man.

With another roar, the bear began to charge a large yellow and orange sphere in his mouth. As the energy slowly began to gather, Jayden pulled a Poké Ball from his belt. The energy fired from the Pokémon’s mouth towards the trainers, hitting the wall and floor behind them. The wooden floor began to crack under the pressure of the combined weight of the trainers. Soon it gave way, dumping them into the street outside the Pokémon Center. All four hit the ground with a hard thud, rolling on their sides.

“Is everyone okay?” Jayden asked, groaning as he clutched his ribs.

“I’m fine,” Hope replied, shakily standing. “If I knew we would be attacked I would have worn something more suitable.”

“Same here,” groaned Kaylie, sitting up with her hand clasped to her head.

“The only thing hurt is my dignity,” Lorin told him, standing as well and wiping dirt off his pants.

From the opening in the Center, the man jumped, landing a few feet away from the trainers, his Pokémon doing the same. “Kaylie…you will pay for what your brother did…Ursaring, fire another Hyper Beam.”

Just as he had done before, Ursaring began to charge orange and yellow energy in his mouth. Anticipating it, the four trainers jumped to different sides when the attack was fired. The beam completely destroyed the ground, the concrete shattering under the pressure. All the Goldenrod citizens began to panic, running all over the place or into buildings to hide. Lorin quickly drew a Poké Ball and tossed it, releasing Charmeleon.

“Hit Ursaring with Flamethrower!” Lorin shouted.

A stream of flames shot from Charmeleon’s mouth, engulfing the bear. The normal type screamed in pain as the fire surrounded his body. With a loud roar the flames vanished; little scorch marks present in Ursaring’s fur.

“Get rid of Charmeleon with Slash,” the man commanded.

With a quick swipe of Ursaring’s claws, Charmeleon was knocked aside, crashing into a building. With the panicked cries of the people, it was hard to hear Charmeleon’s heavy breathing. Recalling his Pokémon, Lorin glared at the man.

“We need to get out of here,” Jayden told them. “We won’t stand much of a chance against this man.”

“You’re right,” Hope agreed. “We need to think of a plan.”

As they turned to run, five men all dressed in black appeared behind them, blocking their path. Arrogant smiles had been placed on all their faces. The man that had attacked them began to laugh, taking a step towards them.

“Don’t think that you can run,” he said. “I’m going to get my revenge right here.”

“Why me?” Kaylie asked, tears filling her eyes. “If you have problems with my brother take it up with him!”

“You don’t seem to understand little girl,” the man said, balling his hands into fists. “What your brother did to me is unforgivable! He led a Team Lustrous unit into my hometown and killed my little brother!”

“Alexander wouldn’t do something like that!” Kaylie cried, trying to defend her brother.

“Now I’m going to do the same to him and kill his only younger sibling! Ursaring, Hyper Beam!”

This time Ursaring fired the beam straight at Kaylie. For some reason she was rooted to the ground, unable to move. Seconds before the beam destroyed her, Kaylie felt a pressure ram into her, taking her to the ground. The devastating attack hit a building in the distance, more screams filling the air. Finally coming back to her senses, Kaylie looked up and saw Jayden lying next to her, blood covering his arm.

“Damn beam caught my arm,” he muttered, sweat dripping down his forehead.

“Noctowl, use Air Slash!” Hope shouted.

“Hope…why is she fighting? She doesn’t need to fight for me!” Kaylie cried.

“Yes we do,” Jayden said as he stood. “You’re our friend and we’ll protect you. Lorin, stay with Kaylie. I need to back Hope up.”

With a nod, Lorin ran over to Kaylie, kneeling by her side. Pushing through the pain, Jayden drew a Poké Ball, launching it towards the battlefield. Kakuna emerged from his Poké Ball with the same look on his face.

“Tie up Ursaring with String Shot!” Jayden called.

Ursaring began to charge Noctowl, his claws glowing. Before he could slash at the bird, a white string shot out from Kakuna’s tiny mouth, wrapping itself around Ursaring’s arms. After a few seconds, his arms were bound together.

“Hit him with Take Down!” commanded Hope.

Diving down towards Ursaring, Noctowl crashed into the bear with all his might. The tackle caused Ursaring to stumble backwards, slightly growling.

“Get that string off you Ursaring!” the man shouted.

With a quick pull and loud roar, Ursaring ripped the string off his arms. Another quick swipe hit Noctowl, knocking him into the ground. Noctowl rolled a bit before trying to stand. Ursaring’s foot stopped him from getting up as the bear stomped on him.

“Kakuna, hit him with Poison Sting!” Jayden yelled.

Small purple barbs emitted from Kakuna’s mouth, hitting Ursaring in the arm. Without moving, Ursaring fired a beam of energy in Kakuna’s direction. On instinct, Kakuna’s body shined before appearing glossy. The force from the beam pushed Kakuna back.

“Cyndaquil, standby!” Jayden shouted as he threw another Poké Ball, recalling Kakuna.

Cyndaquil appeared with an angry look on her face. Squawks could be heard from Noctowl as Ursaring put more and more weight on him. Cyndaquil charged towards the bear, releasing a barrage of fireballs. The fireballs hit Ursaring in the back, shocking him enough to push him forward. Following up, Cyndaquil tackled him in the gut, pushing him back more. Ursaring rubbed his stomach before snarling at the little fire type.

“The police are on their way!” Hope yelled to Jayden, sirens approaching them. “If we can hold on until they get here then they’ll finish up with him.”

Off in the distance, a squad car rocketed towards them. People began to cheer as the car passed them. With a scoff, the man pointed to the squad car. Ursaring fired an orange beam at it. Before the cop had a chance to stop, the beam hit the car. Jayden watched in horror as the car exploded, smoke and flames filling the sky. Scowling at the man, Jayden gritted his teeth.

“Cyndaquil, use Flame Wheel!” he yelled.

Charging Ursaring, Cyndaquil became engulfed in flames before tackling him. Grabbing hold, Ursaring tossed Cyndaquil into the sky, preparing another beam. Blindsiding him, Noctowl tackled Ursaring from the side, causing the beam to fire into a building.

“Use another Flame Wheel!” called Jayden.

As she began to fall back towards the ground, flames appeared around Cyndaquil’s body. Preoccupied with Noctowl, Ursaring didn’t notice the fire type until it was too late. Cyndaquil crashed into Ursaring, causing him to fall to one knee. All three Pokémon were breathing heavily, not one making a move.

“Slash them both, Ursaring!” the man yelled.

With a deep breath, Ursaring pushed himself forward. Both Cyndaquil and Noctowl were hit, the latter falling to the ground while the former slid back a few feet. A red beam hit Noctowl as Hope recalled him. Ursaring fell to one knee again once he stopped, his breath even heavier.

“Get up Ursaring!” shouted the man.

Ursaring smirked, knowing that he couldn’t get up. He stared Jayden in the eye, waiting for him to call his last attack.

“Cyndaquil, finish him with Flamethrower!” Jayden yelled.

Cyndaquil took a deep breath in, releasing a large stream of flames. The flames hit Ursaring in the chest, pushing him back to his trainer. Not moving, the smirk stayed on Ursaring’s face. The man recalled his Pokémon with a scowl on his face.

“Don’t think I’m done yet!” he shouted, pulling out another Poké Ball. A small stone hit the Poké Ball, knocking it out of his hands.

“Yes you are,” a voice said from behind him.

The man turned and behind him stood Alexander, his Tyranitar right next to him. Jumping back, the man quickly picked up his Poké Ball, all of his men drawing Poké Balls as well. Alexander began to chuckle to which Tyranitar sighed.

“If you and your men so much as get ready to throw those Poké Balls, it will be the last thing you do.” A flare in Alexander’s eyes told them he was serious.

“Why you…” the man said through gritted teeth. “Fall back men!”

“I don’t think so,” another voice said, this time from behind the Black Organization grunts. The voice belonged to a woman who appeared to be in her twenties. She wore a white button up shirt that had red stripes on the sleeves. Reaching into the pocket of her blue shorts, she pulled out a Poké Ball, tossing it in the air. “You Team Lustrous and Black Organization scum won’t get away that easily!”

“Whitney…” said Alexander. “Don’t you remember me? I challenged your gym years ago.”

“Regardless of my relation to you I will make sure that you are put in prison for your involvement of the attack on Goldenrod today.”

“That’s where you’re wrong gym leader. I did not partake in this attack. Now that the situation is in your capable hands, I’ll be taking my leave.”

Whitney stepped towards Alexander, but before she could do anything Tyranitar threw a ball of black energy at the ground. A dust cloud covered the group, blocking their vision. Using the cloud as cover as well, the Black Organization members darted out of the city, vanishing from sight. Once the dust settled, the five people left looked around them, shocked at the sudden disappearance of the men.

“Damn!” cursed Whitney. “I rush back from Ecruteak on an emergency call and I don’t even get one arrest! Not only that, but the city council is going to be on my *** about the damages!”

“It could have been worse,” said Kaylie standing up. “If it wasn’t for Hope and Jayden they would have destroyed the entire city just to find us.”

“Then rewards are in order! That was Stavros, a captain in the Black Organization. Now who are Hope and Jayden?”

Stepping forward, Jayden and Hope looked at each other, both of them shrugging. Cyndaquil jumped onto her trainer’s shoulder, rubbing her head against his as if to say good job. Whitney reached into her back pocket, pulling out two badges that resembled simple gold diamonds. Both trainers took them, holding them up, the moonlight reflecting off them.

“You just…carry these with you?” Jayden asked.

“…Don’t question it,” Whitney replied. “With that you are one step closer to competing in the Silver Conference!”

“One more thing,” started Kaylie. “I was wondering if I could challenge your gym tomorrow. I, too, am shooting for the Silver Conference.”

“After an event like that you’re only thinking about challenging my gym?”

“You get used to it,” Hope said simply.

“Alright then,” Whitney said as she turned. “I expect to see you bright and early tomorrow. I’m warning you now; I’m good!”

As the gym leader took her leave, Kaylie pulled out one of her Poké Balls and turned to Jayden. With a smile he instantly knew what was going through her head. Without a word, the two took off towards Route 34.

“Where are you guys going?” Hope asked, yelling.

“Time for some training!” Jayden yelled back. “Special training that is!”

“I’ve made some interesting friends,” Lorin said with a chuckle. “This journey just got more interesting.”

---------------------------------

“This battle will be two on two with the challenger being the only one who can substitute. The battle is over when both Pokémon on one side are unable to battle. Let the match begin!”

“Clefairy, go!”

“Aipom, dance!”

Just as she said she would, Kaylie showed up at the Goldenrod Gym the next morning, ready to battle. Hope, Jayden, and Lorin sat in the stands, waiting to see their friend prove herself in battle. The battlefield looked much like the one in the Violet Gym. From Kaylie’s Poké Ball emerged her Aipom, swinging his tail with the hand balled into a fist. On Whitney’s side appeared a pink cubby creature. A large smile had been plastered on its face as it held up its stubby arms.

“Aipom, use Swift!” Kaylie started.

Jumping into the air, Aipom swung his tail, multiple stars shooting out. Clefairy didn’t make an attempt to dodge, instead taking the attack head on. Even after the damage was done, Clefairy had a smile on her face, no visible damage seen.

“You should know that a normal attack won’t do too much against a normal Pokémon,” lectured Whitney. “Clefairy show them Metronome!”

Waving her hands back and forth, Clefairy began a rhythmic chant as the tips of her fingers began to glow. Aipom cautiously backed up, waiting for the attack to be unleashed. With one final wave, a bolt of lightning shot out from Clefairy’s hands. Shocked by the speed of it, Aipom failed to dodge, getting hit all over.

“Aipom, try a Brick Break attack!” cried Kaylie.

Pushing himself up, Aipom shook off the damage. Charging his opponent, the hand on Aipom’s tail began to glow. With a quick swing, Clefairy was hit in the stomach. The force from the hit pushed Clefairy back towards Whitney, both of them shocked at the power. Clefairy stood, her entire body shaking. The smile she once wore was replaced with a look of anger.

“Respond with a DoubleSlap!” countered Whitney.

Clefairy dashed to Aipom, her hand raised. Once she swung, Aipom ducked, the Fairy Pokemon caught off guard. Swinging his tail under her feet, Aipom knocked Clefairy to the ground.

“Now Brick Break!” shouted Kaylie.

Bringing his tail around, Aipom slammed it into Clefairy once more, the latter no longer moving. The referee held up a green flag, declaring Aipom as the victor. Recalling her Clefairy, Whitney began to laugh, a smirk on her face.

“Great job on beating Clefairy, but this is where I win,” she said, confidence ringing in her voice. “Miltank, let’s rock!”

Whitney’s next Pokémon was more than double the size of Clefairy. Bigger than any Miltank she ever saw, Kaylie swallowed the fear and commanded her Aipom to use another Brick Break. Not trying to dodge, Miltank let the attack hit, laughing when the tail collided with her abdomen. The cow grabbed onto Aipom’s tail and slammed him into the ground.

“Now use Rollout!” ordered Whitney.

Before Aipom had a chance to get up, Miltank curled herself into a ball, rolling right over him. Turning around when she reached the opposite side of the battlefield, Miltank ran over him again and again. Aipom stood, swaying back and forth before falling to the ground.

“Aipom is unable to battle!” the referee declared. “Miltank is the winner!”

“Aipom you were awesome,” Kaylie said as she recalled him. “Now it’s all up to you. Please let our training show here! It’s time to dance! Ledian!”

Bursting from the Poké Ball emerged a large ladybug. It resembled Ledyba, the only differences being a slimmer body and large blue eyes. Flying around, Ledian punched the air, ready to fight.

“Is that Ledian…” Hope started.

“That’s right,” Jayden answered before she could ask. “That is the Ledyba that she caught on the first day of our journey. It evolved yesterday when we were training.”

“So that’s why she wanted to wait a day,” observed Lorin. “She wanted to evolve her Pokémon!”

“Start with Mach Punch!” ordered Kaylie.

Flying towards Miltank, Ledian appeared next to her in the blink of an eye. Throwing a punch, Ledian followed with a second right after. Taking the hits, Miltank slightly stumbled backwards. A smile spread across her face.

“Miltank, Body Slam!” Whitney called.

To everyone’s surprise, Miltank jumped into the air, above Ledian. Pushing the shock aside, Ledian darted back towards Kaylie. Miltank hit the ground with such force that the floor began to crack. Zipping back to her opponent, Ledian threw a few more punches, all of them connecting. Before she could fly away, Miltank grabbed onto Ledian, slamming her into the ground.

“It’s going to be a repeat of what happened to Aipom!” Lorin shouted.

“Not on my watch!” yelled Kaylie.

“Rollout time Miltank!” Whitney ordered.

“Ledian, use Reflect!” Kaylie countered.

Just before Miltank could run over Ledian, a barrier appeared over her, stopping Miltank in her tracks. After a few seconds the barrier began to crack, unable to hold back Miltank’s weight.

“Fly away Ledian!” commanded Kaylie.

Ledian took to the air as the barrier shattered, Miltank rolling to the opposite end. Both Pokémon were breathing heavily. They smiled at each other, knowing that the battle would be coming to an end soon. Ledian dived down towards Miltank while Miltank began to charge towards Ledian. They both threw a punch, their fists colliding. Using her extra hands, Ledian punched Miltank in the face, knocking her back. The cow responded with a heavy punch that pushed Ledian to the ground.

“Finish this with Rollout!” Whitney called, a confident smirk on her face.

Rolling towards Ledian, Miltank let out a loud moo, also confident that it had won this battle. Trying to think of a counterattack, Kaylie shouted the first thing that came to her mind.

“Use Silver Wind with all you’ve got!”

Flapping her wings as hard as she could, silver crescents shot out of her wings. When the attack hit Miltank, the cow began to slow down. Soon, Miltank was continuously hit by the crescents, unable to do anything. Stopping right before Ledian, Miltank fell to her side, not moving a muscle.

“Miltank is unable to battle!” the referee shouted. “Ledian is the winner! That means that Kaylie is the victor of this match!”

With a shocked look on her face, Whitney recalled Miltank, her entire body shaking. Falling to her knees she looked down at the Poké Ball in her hands. Tears slowly began to form in her eyes as she stood.

“No, I said I would get over this,” she said to herself, wiping her face. Now with a smile, she pulled out another badge from her pocket, walking over to Kaylie. “You deserve this Plain Badge! Congratulations!”

Taking the badge in hand, Kaylie couldn’t help but smile. She had earned her second Johto badge and was that much closer to realizing her dream.

“Great job Kaylie!” Jayden yelled from the stands. “You were awesome!”

Slightly blushing, she recalled Ledian. Whitney patted her on the back, bending down to her level. “You’ll be wanting to head to Ecruteak after this. It’s the closest city with a gym. But of course you can’t leave before the Goldenrod festival! I hear that many people fall in love when they go to the festival so it won’t be all bad.”

With a wink, Whitney turned and retreated farther into the gym. As Kaylie walked to the stands what Whitney had said about the festival stuck in her head. Looking over at Jayden, she couldn’t help but smile.

Fall in love huh?

Sidewinder
14th May 2012, 3:45 PM
Nicely done.

I knew as they were getting dressed up that the night would end sourly for them. BTW, I really salute your dedication to keeping this going even though you're without a laptop. Hah, black organization got smoked. Alexander made another appearence with his Tyranitar, which was unexpected. That was something I forgot to mention to you before. Make sure you're putting real limitations on some of the Pokemon in your story. I know its really easy to give them too much power, which begs the question as to why they would listen to a trainer at all. I feel like Alexander's Tyranitar really toes that line. An old injury, mental inadequecy, fumbling with attacks, etc, are all things you can do to make a point to somewhat 'humanize' the Pokemon. Its hard to connect with something that has all the givings of being completely invulnerable. Make sense?

My favorite part of this chapter has to be the Gym Battle ith Whitney. It was decently described, and the length was perfect. As soon as it started, I found myself hoping you would include Milktank, which has always been one of my favorite Pokemon. Ledian is as well, and I think you played on his power and capability very well. Nice job too displaying a quick flash of anger/disappointment from Whitney instead of the usual 'GREAT JOB' that Gym Leaders usually give to trainers that beat them. Keep up the good work!

Sid87
15th May 2012, 5:20 PM
Okay, I FINALLY read chapter 1. Whew! That's a lot of characters at once. Let's see if I remember...Jayden took Cynadquil, Burton took Abra, Kaycie took Totodile, and Marshall took Chikorita (and, oops, apparently her name is Kaylie). How did I do?

The air of chapter one is immature and hopeful, which is in stark contrast to your signature banner which seems to imply violence and a sense of cynicism. So my interest is definitely piqued there.

I liked the dad character; will we be seeing more of him and his past life? I hope so.

So am I getting that Professor Elm is like a title that gets handed down (kind of like the accepted theory that "James Bond" is a title, and not a single person, hence why there have been so many diffeent physical appearances and decades he's lived in)? That's an interesting theory I can't say I've ever seen before. Will we be finding out anything else about that history or the current Elm?

Off to read more; I probably won't do a chapter-by-chapter break (even a short one like this) since 17 chapters is a LOT to get through, but I'll stop to post thoughts when I do have them!

Sid87
16th May 2012, 7:21 PM
Chapter 2:

No action? No worries. It's only chapter 2! I still just want to know who everybody is at this point! :)

What I will say is that the incredibly brief summary of how Jayden's parents met left me wanting more. I know it might have seemed weird for him to launch into a spoken backstory, but you could have had "After he told her that, he thought of the story as his dad had explained it to him...", and we could have had a flashback scene. It wouldn't just be filler, either, if you use it to establish something about Jayden's parents that reflects back on him. Just, unless it's done more later, something I felt was a missed opportunity.

You are right in there not being much action; I feel like what happened here could have been truncated and put in chapter 1 (Jayden talks with Kaylie; decides to register for Silver Conference). But that's okay. It's still just an introduction, and it worked for getting Kaylie stuck in my head better.


Chapter 3:


instead focusing on when they can cross the street.

That should be COULD, not can. Your grammar has been good up to this point, but I figured I'd note this one.


but was hit in the gut by Ledyba’s head. Cyndaquil rolled over in pain, clutching her gut

I wouldn't say "gut" twice in succession: you could have said "midsection" the second time.


I like that you had Cyndaquil lose its first battle. It's too often that fic trainers are just prodigies from the get-go, so it was interesting to see Jayden lose his match with Kaylie. I wonder how this will imact his already-delicate decision-making skills.

I think the biggest thing I'd say so far is I'd like to see more description. I loved the dance battle thing in the middle of chapter 3 because it was well described and I got the best sense of Jayden's feelings towards Kaylie, but I still would like to see more done about these segments. You could have given this "night in Cherrygrove City" scene with the dance battle its own entire chapter. I would have enjoyed that.

Shadow Lucario
17th May 2012, 9:35 AM
Many thanks for the reviews Sid. With the banner and feel of the fix, it picks up later on. You'll see what I mean. ;) As for character backstories I plan on elaborating on everyone. There's an air of mystery around them all and I want to clear it up before this fic is over. I really appreciate you reviewing. It's only going to get better from here on out.

Sid87
17th May 2012, 6:57 PM
Okay, so I caught up on chapters 4 and 5.

-I hope you don't rush/aren't rushing the Kaylie/Jayden relationship. I was hoping for a drawn-out "will they/won't they" kind of ordeal. Those can be tedious if done poorly, but they are highly rewarding if done properly. Where I left off, it seems like they're about to get together, and it all seems a little too easy for Jayden. I was looking for more strife to come between them before they expressed themselves to each other. But...maybe it is a dream or something and didn't actually happen that easily.

-I hope you're taking my advice of stretching some scenes out where you are now, because there are still details I wish you'd done more with. Who were Stephanie or Phil? Why were they there? Are they coming back? What's their story? I would liked to have seen more about them.

Shadow Lucario
17th May 2012, 8:15 PM
-I hope you're taking my advice of stretching some scenes out where you are now, because there are still details I wish you'd done more with. Who were Stephanie or Phil? Why were they there? Are they coming back? What's their story? I would liked to have seen more about them.

I think I had plans for them, but they didn't work out. I can't remember what I was going to do with them exactly, but I do remember that while writing that chapter they felt more like a passerby character than important plot oriented characters.

Sid87
20th May 2012, 7:43 PM
Just read chapters 6 and 7. I wasn't enamored with how Burn was portrayed, it seemed a little unrealistic and cartoonish. That said, I enjoyed the gym battle, and I thought it was very well written for a drawn-out battle scene. Good job there.

I got a little confused at the end of chapter 7 as to who Bianca and Hope were; they just seemed to come out of nowhere and I got a little lost. If you ever go back to edit or re-write, I'd clear that up a little bit if you.

Still enjoying it and looking forward to moving on to page 2!

Bulba the Great!
30th May 2012, 2:29 AM
You're gonna hate me, but...crawling my way to Chapter Two...

I like that the shiny Hoothoot not only doesn't faze Jayden, but he lets it run away. Little does he know...


“Don’t remind me! That was a long time ago anyway!”

Kaylie scratched the side of her face. “That was last week…”

Hahaha, that made me chuckle.



“Height, about 5’ 10”. Weight, around 120 lbs,” Jayden whispered to himself.

Jeeeze Jayden's skinny.

Like you said, not much of an action chapter. I know you're a bajillion lightyears ahead of me but I will catch up, I swear. I can't wait for my next read!

Shadow Lucario
2nd June 2012, 11:17 AM
New computer coming in next week! Finally after all this time I'll be able to get a new computer next week. That means more Hero's Bond! By next Friday chapter 18 will be up and I'll be back and better than ever. Look forward to it.

Shadow Lucario
7th July 2012, 11:26 PM
The long awaited chapter 18 is here! I thought it would have been longer than it actually is, but it's relatively short. I get the point across though so that's always good! Plot mode, activate! If you want to get a feel of the mood of the chapter before reading then you can check out this song here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfEhQsRnesQ).

Chapter 18: Burning Passion

Loud explosions filled the air as lights appearing in the sky in the form of different shapes. Bright reds and greens flashed across the sky, reflecting off the water in various fountains above Goldenrod. Sitting in front of a large crowd, Jayden, Kaylie, Lorin, and Hope all watched the show in awe. Once the lights slowly started to fade, a familiar woman with pink hair jumped onto a stage that had been constructed in the middle of Goldenrod not long after the attack from the Black Organization.

“I hope you all enjoyed the fireworks!” Whitney exclaimed into a microphone. The crowd responded with thunderous applause, whistles and cheers accompanying it. “This festival might not have been possible without the help of two very brave trainers! I’d like to introduce Jayden and Hope to everyone! Come on up to the stage guys!”

Hope jumped out of her seat and ran to the stage, a large smile on her face. Jayden on the other hand stood from his spot sheepishly, slightly blushing. Once he was on stage his legs began to shake nervously. His friend was completely fine, waving at the crowd and even taking bows.

“These two protected Goldenrod from the Black Organization,” Whitney explained. “With their help, they pushed that crime syndicate out of our city and back to the sewers where they belong!”

At the last word the crowd began to cheer even louder. Everyone began to jump out of their seats, some walking to the stage to shake Jayden and Hope’s hand while others snapped pictures. Motioning towards the streets, Whitney winked at Kaylie, glancing at Jayden quickly. The lights in the streets quickly lit up, showing different stands stationed around the city.

“Uh, hey Jay,” Kaylie called nervously.

“Yeah?” Jayden replied, jumping down from the stage quickly, still blushing a little bit.

“Wanna go check out the festival?” she asked, not able to look at him, her face beginning to turn pink.

“Sure thing. Anything to get the attention off of me.”

Grabbing his arm, Kaylie pulled Jayden off into the city, disappearing from Hope and Lorin’s sight. “So I guess we have to go off by ourselves too,” Lorin said seductively. “Maybe we’ll fall in love like them.”

“Dream on lover boy,” Hope said with a laugh, pushing Lorin lightly.

Chuckling, Lorin placed his hands into his pockets as he watched Hope walk off. “Yeah, she wants me.”

---------------------------------------

“You did really well in your gym battle against Whitney. I always heard she was super strong. I guess that makes you that much stronger.”

“Thanks. The only reason I won was because of the extra training you helped me with.”

Sitting by a fountain, Jayden took a coin out of his pocket and tossed it, a small splash sounding when it hit the water. Kaylie smiled at the ground, slightly leaning on him. With a sigh, she wrapped her arm around his, the boy starting to blush slightly.

“I’m glad we decided to take this journey together,” she told him. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this with anyone else or by myself. Thanks Jay.”

“No problem,” he replied, looking at the sky, his face still red.

Many people passed by in front of them, a majority holding hands. Looking down at Kaylie, a strange feeling began to blossom in his stomach, one he thought he felt before. Somehow having her right by his side seemed like it was supposed to be. Returning the gaze, Kaylie looked directly into Jayden’s eyes, neither of them blinking. Just as they had before, their faces seemed to attract, inching together ever so slowly. Jayden’s heart increased its beating, his pulse almost deafening him. Just as their lips were about to touch, the sound of a clearing throat made them jump, their heads banging into each other.

“Ow!” they exclaimed in unison.

Not too far from where they were sitting stood a boy, slightly taller than Jayden. His eyes were as blue as the daytime sky, if not lighter. Dropping his backpack on the ground, he flipped his hair before holding his arms out for a hug, a large smile on his face. After taking a good look at him, Kaylie jumped up, a gasp barely escaping her lips.

“Johnie? Is that you?”

“You know it is!”

A shocked look on his face, Jayden watched as the two embraced, tightly holding on to each other for a minute. Standing up, Jayden walked over to them looking slightly confused. The boy known as Johnie held out his hand the same smile on his face.

“The name’s Johnie!” he introduced himself happily.

“Jayden. Kaylie, how do you know this guy? He’s not from New Bark.”

“He actually is,” Kaylie corrected him. “Before I started talking to you, I hung out with Johnie here. Then he moved before we were old enough to get our Pokémon. It’s been years!”

Johnie smiled at Kaylie, putting his arm around her and pulling her towards the fountain. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen you and I have to say that you look great.”

Kaylie could only smile as she began to turn bright pink. Jayden plopped back on the edge of the fountain, his head falling into his hands. Pulling out a Poké Ball, Jayden began to turn it over in his hand, trying to keep his mind off of Kaylie.

What do I care? thought Jayden. It’s not like I’m in love with her or anything. Why should I care if she drops me like a newborn Girafarig because this tool showed up? I don’t care at all!

“Jay you’re so funny,” Kaylie said with a chuckle.

Jayden looked up, his eyebrow raising. “I didn’t say anything though.”

Without even looking back, Kaylie said, “I was talking to Johnie.”

I’m the only one she calls Jay! Jayden shook his head, placing both hands into his pockets before starting to walk off.

“Hey, Jayden was it?” Johnie called. “Don’t go just yet. I want to know what kind of people Kaylie is associating with now. Come, tell me about yourself!”

“Where do I begin?” Jayden put his hand to his chin as he began to think. “I’m nice, caring, thoughtful, and a darn good battler if I do say so myself.”

“Oh so you’re a Pokémon trainer as well?”

“I’m going to participate in the Silver Conference when I’ve earned eight badges, so I guess you can call me that.”

Johnie’s eyes narrowed, a smirk slowly spreading across his face. “How many badges do you have?”

“I have two.” Pulling his badge case from his back pocket, Jayden flipped it open to reveal the two badges that were bestowed upon him. With a chuckle, Johnie pulled out a badge case as well, but when he opened his there were five badges. “Fi-five…”

“That’s right, five.” Johnie snapped the case shut a cocky smirk still on his face. Kaylie jumped in between them, telling Johnie about how she only had two badges as well and how amazing he was for being so far ahead of them. Slightly shaking, Jayden began to walk off, his head beginning to feel hot.

Not even thinking, he began to quickly walk back towards the Pokémon Center, pushing through any crowd on his way. Kaylie looked after him worriedly, sighing as she turned to Johnie.

“I’m sorry Johnie, but I have to go see what’s wrong with him,” she told Johnie.

“No problem. I’ll be in town for the next few days. I’m sure I’ll see you at the Pokémon Center.” With a quick hug, Kaylie turned and ran after Jayden. Meanwhile, Johnie put his right hand to his ear, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple. “It’s done. I know where Kayli- I mean the target is. She’s in Goldenrod City for the festival and should be here for the duration of it. I’ve done what you asked; now you hold up your end and let me go.”

“In due time young Johnie,” a voice said in his ear. It was soft and smooth, almost alluring. There was a hint of malice in the undertone as they spoke. It was obvious the voice belonged to a woman by the sultry nature, the pitch being too high for a man. “We still need you for one last assignment.”

“And what is that?” Johnie asked irritated, trying to keep his voice down.

“Oh you know a fun little mission.”

“Tell me the details right now!”

“Now that’s rude. If you ask nicely I will.”

Johnie looked around, groaning a bit before finally giving in. “…will you please tell me the details?”

-------------------------------------------

Speed walking down an alley, Jayden smashed his hand into the wall, shouting a curse as he did so. Kaylie stumbled into the alley soon after, a look of bewilderment on her face. Not looking at her, Jayden pushed himself against the wall, looking down at the ground instead.

“What was that?” she asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Your dramatic exit from our, well, for lack of a better word, date.”

“I don’t think I was being dramatic considering you were fawning over your friend, ‘Jayyyyy’!” Jayden used air-quotes and put much emphasis on the Jay. “I thought I was the only Jay. I thought WE were hanging out and spending time together.”

“Okay first of all, you’re not the only person I know whose name begins with the letter J! Secondly, I hadn’t seen him in years so it’s only natural that I react the way I did! You’re being worse than a girl right now!”

Without so much as a word, Jayden continued to walk down the alley, his eyes focused on the ground. “Kaylie, I have very strange feelings for you and I’m not exactly sure what they are yet. Maybe we shouldn’t push anything past being friends.”

“Fine Jayden,” she said, a tear starting to travel down her face. Breaking off her chin, the small droplet of water hit the ground with a tiny splash. That small splash seemed to signal the clouds above to release the enormous amounts of water that composed them. First it was slow and a few drops of rain fell, but a few seconds later it became a downpour. Running off, Kaylie covered her face, trying to hide the fact that she was crying even though the rain did just that. Jayden looked up into the sky, letting the rain hit his face. A single tear fell out of his eye as well, falling into a small puddle beneath him.

“I think I’m just afraid to admit it to myself,” Jayden said with a chuckle, talking to no one. “I might be in love with you. Crazy right?”

Walking off, Jayden put his hands into his pocket once more, wandering through the streets of Goldenrod with no direction. Above, on the rooftops, a man with binoculars spotted him. With a large grin he showed off one gold tooth, a raspy chuckle following.

“Jayden Sector, you’ve been found by CLOUD...”

ThisIsPatrick
20th July 2012, 1:24 PM
Great chapter!, it was short BUT because it was short it made me fell so anticipated for the next. The ending left me in sooo much suspense!! Can't wait for the next :)

Pat.

5221A
11th August 2012, 4:10 AM
Hi, I have been reading your fic and decide to make a few comments.
Your battels are in-depth, i can almost see the battel in front of me. I also nottecid that your stroy slowed down witch is great (I noticed it was a littel faster in the begining). I did not notice any grammer errors in the newest chapter(didn't look for any). Great fic and chapter by the way.

Shadow Lucario
20th September 2012, 11:50 AM
Finally! Chapter 19 is here! After this chapter I should get back into the regular swing of things and have a consistent release schedule. This chapter here was very emotional and somewhat saddening for me to write. You'll see why. Review when you can. Enjoy!


Chapter 19: Broken

“Where’s Jayden?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Maybe we should look for him. It looks like a storm is rolling in. It’s not safe to be outside.”

“Once again, I don’t care.”

Slamming her face into a pillow, Kaylie flopped onto a bed in their room in the Pokémon Center, groaning as she lay there. From the doorway Hope shook her head, quietly shutting the door behind her. Trainers crammed the hall making it difficult for her to maneuver towards the elevator. All of them had been drenched from the rain, taking refuge inside the center. Finally reaching the elevator, Hope pushed the down button, tapping her fingers on her leg as she waited. When the doors finally opened, a large crowd of about ten exited. One man stood out to Hope. He smiled at her, a single gold tooth shining in his mouth. As he passed her time seemed to slow, her eyes fixed on the man.

“Hey wait,” Hope called out, taking a step towards him. Before she could reach out and stop him, the crowd pushed her onto the elevator. The doors slowly shut, the man disappearing into the hall.

Once the doors opened again, Hope had no choice but to follow the crowd into the lobby. The Pokémon Center was dark, no light escaping through the dark storm clouds. Heavy rain came down on Goldenrod, making it near impossible to see what was in front of you. After a deep breath, Hope ran out through the sliding glass doors. The second she stepped out, she was drenched. People and Pokémon alike rushed passed her in search of some kind of shelter. Running up to a man, Hope grabbed him by the arm and pulled him close.

“Have you seen a boy about my age?” she asked. “He’s about a head taller than me with black hair. Really skinny.”

The man simply shook his head before hurrying off into a nearby building. Looking all around her, Hope tried to make out her surroundings, but the rain made the task difficult. All the younger trainers looked like Jayden in the hard rain. Continuing on, the young woman checked the stage area they were at just a few hours before. Even in the rain the construction crew was hard at work taking everything down.

“Hey there! Young lady!” a man called out. Turning around, Hope saw one of the construction workers running up to her with a long object in his hand. “You can catch a cold being out here in the rain. Take this umbrella.”

“But don’t you need it?” she asked, not sure if she should take it.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll just share one with my buddies.”

The man smiled wide, his teeth gleaming, even in the dark, gloomy rain. Hope smiled back as she took the umbrella. Something about the man’s kind gesture warmed her up. The cold feeling the rain gave her was instantly gone. With their goodbyes said, Hope popped open the umbrella, smiling still. Traversing towards the downtown area, people became even scarcer than they already were.

“Where are you Jayden?” Hope whispered.

A figure in an alleyway caught her attention. She could make out the figure of a young man sitting against a wall, staring into the clouds. A look of sorrow covered his face, the black hair he possessed now coming down to his chin. His green eyes seemed empty, no life behind them. Hope rushed over, confirming her suspicions.

“What are you doing all the way out here Jayden?” Without a word, Jayden just looked up at Hope. She could feel the sadness that overwhelmed him. Holding the umbrella above his head as well, Hope offered her hand, a smile on her face. “Let’s get you out of this rain okay?”

Jayden pushed her hand away, standing up on his own. “I’m fine.” Turning away, he placed his hands in his pockets. Looking back at the sky he sighed. Closing his eyes, Jayden let the raindrops hit his face. “It’s as if the heavens weep for me.”

“We need to get out of the rain before we get sick. Let’s go back to our room.”

“I can’t go back there just yet, especially if Kaylie is there.”

Hope rolled her eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. “You two need to just kiss already. I can feel the tension building up and it gets really awkward when only Lorin and I are talking.”

Jayden chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s far too complicated to be settled with a simple kiss.”

“That’s because you’ve been friends since you were kids right?”

Staying silent, Jayden just looked into the clouds, a single ray of light breaking through as the rain began to let up. Memories began to pour into his mind; memories of Kaylie and his friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

“Have a great first day of school son. I’ll be here to pick you up when you get out.”

Nervously turning towards the schoolhouse, a boy of around six slowly began to walk through small crowds of other children, making his way to the front door. Clutching his small bag tightly, the boy gulped down the pool of saliva in his mouth. The school was fairly large, having three floors in total. As the boy looked up he felt a tap on his shoulder, slightly flinching.

“Hiya,” said the boy who tapped him, oddly cheerful. “My names Burton! What’s yours?”

“Um, Jayden,” the other whispered, looking at the ground.

“How old are you Jayden?” Burton asked, his cheerfulness still present.

“I’m…um, six.”

“Then you’re going to be in the same class with me and Marshall! You’ll meet him later. He’s been my bestest friend for as long as I can remember.”

A loud bell sounded through the entire schoolyard, signaling that class was about to start. All the kids began to migrate into the school, going into their respective classrooms. Burton dragged Jayden down the hall by his jacket collar to a classroom at the end.

The wooden door had a glass window that wasn’t completely translucent, warping the appearance of anything inside. When the boys entered, Jayden saw they were the only ones there. Fifteen desks took up most of the space in the room with a larger one on the opposite side of the room.

“Sit with me right there!” Burton pointed to two desks in the middle of the room, a pen and notebook already on one. “I came here earlier and the teacher let me in. I don’t know where she went though.”

Jayden quietly walked to the desk next to Burton’s and set his bag on the floor next to him, taking his seat. Jumping into his seat, Burton just smiled at Jayden, no words being exchanged. A few minutes after they arrived, more people began to show, the room slowly filling up, all desks but a few being taken. Burton’s friend, Marshall was the last to show, taking his seat next to them.

A small chatter started once all the kids realized the teacher was not around. Not very long after the kids started to talk a tall woman opened the door, placing on foot in the classroom. Her very presence instantly shut them up. Her appearance wasn’t threatening in the slightest. She wore her black hair back in a tight ponytail, not a single hair askew. Her heels made next to no noise as she walked to the front. Straightening her glasses, she looked down at a paper on her desk, a smile appearing on her face.

“Tell me…”she started. The kids all leaned forward, anticipating her next words. “Who’s ready for a great year?!”

Most of the kids cheered while the rest were slightly confused. The chatter returned as the teacher beamed at them, scanning over the crowd. Jayden felt that she was looking for someone to call on and decided to try and hide his face with his hands.

“Please not me…anyone but me…” Jayden whispered to himself.

“You!” the teacher called over everyone else, the noise dying down. Jayden could feel her finger pointing at him. He KNEW she picked him. “You in the green jacket. Come to the front.”

Shocked, Jayden took a look at his jacket and saw that it wasn’t green. Was she color blind? His jacket was red. Looking up, Jayden saw that she didn’t point at him, but Burton’s friend instead. With a sigh of relief, Jayden slouched back in his chair, wiping a small part of his black hair out of his face.

“I want you to introduce yourself to your classmates with a little bit about yourself, such as where you were born and then tell us what you want to do when you grow up,” the teacher instructed. “Then you can pick someone else to do the same. Once we get through everyone we’ll start a new activity.”

“I don’t know how I should start though,” Marshall told her.

“You always want to start with your name. I’ll go first. I am Miss Edwards, your teacher. I’m already a grown up, but I want to travel to the Unova region someday. They have many exotic Pokémon there that I’d love to get a picture of! Now it’s your turn.”

“My name is Marshall Port!” he said happily. “I was born in Fuchsia City in the Kanto region. I want to become a coordinator when I’m older, but I also want to catch super strong Pokémon for my team so we win everything!”

“It seems like your dream is going to be a tough one to achieve, but still very possible,” Miss Edwards commented. “Now choose who goes next.”

“My best buddy Burton!” he said.

Burton darted towards the front of the room, straightening his jacket in the process. “My name is Burton Avery! I was born here in New Bark Town and just like Marshall I want to be a coordinator. But I know that you need pretty Pokémon to win. I want to be able to groom my Pokémon until they look their very best!”

At the end of his sentence he simply pointed at Jayden. The boy’s heart sank when he saw Burton pick him out. He instantly turned red, slowly making his way to the front. Looking down at his feet, Jayden began to mumble, his words inaudible to the rest of the class.

“Sorry,” Miss Edwards said, cutting him off, “but you’ll have to speak up. We can’t hear you.”

Taking a deep breath, Jayden looked up at the class, determined to get through his first day without looking like a fool. “My name is Jayden Sector. I was born in New Bark. Uh, I, um. I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, but I know I want to be around Pokémon.”

“It’s okay to not have a goal right now Jayden,” Miss Edwards said. “You have quite a while to think about it. Who’s next?”

Without really looking, Jayden pointed, hurrying back to his seat. Burton patted him on the back, whispering something to him that didn’t register in his mind. Over the course of the next ten minutes the rest of class began to introduce themselves, all with different aspirations of becoming doctors, professors, breeders, and even dancers. Finally, one person was left to go. It was a girl in the front. Her long brown hair trailed behind her as she walked to the center by Miss Edwards. For some reason Jayden wanted to hear what she had to say.

“My name is Kaylie Janson,” she said. “I was born here just like most of you. When I grow up I will have beaten all the gym leaders in the Johto region, beaten all my opponents in the Silver Conference, and then become Champion.”

Jayden was slightly taken aback. She spoke as if she knew for a fact that there would be no one to contest what she said. Everyone stared in awe, the sheer arrogance taking their words away.

“Determination and confidence is one thing,” Miss Edwards informed the class, “but arrogance and a big ego can result from it. When you start towards your goals do not lose hope because you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Now onto the next activity.”

“Man that girl is something else right?” Burton whispered to Jayden and Marshall.

“At least she has a goal,” Marshall whispered back.

Jayden looked away, trying to listen to the teacher, but now his attention was drawn to Kaylie. There was something about her that attracted his mind. Kaylie looked back at Jayden, a smile drawing itself across her face. She waved, but Jayden quickly looked away. A little saddened, Kaylie slowly lowered her hand.

I wonder why he didn’t wave back, she thought. He’s probably just nervous. I’ll catch him after school then.

The rest of the day seemed to fly by. All they did that day was learn more about one another. Jayden had the misfortune of being paired up with Marshall for an activity in which they had to figure out what Pokémon they were with only gestures. Marshall kept yapping, “No goal.” Once the bell rang, Jayden grabbed his bag and hurried out the door. Kaylie quickly followed, trying to catch up.

“Hey,” she called after him.

Jayden turned, his heart beating faster when he saw that she was smiling again. “Uh, h-hi.”

“Jayden right?” she asked. Reaching down she grabbed his hand and shook it. “My name is Kaylie just in case you didn’t remember.”

“I didn’t,” Jayden said coldly, pulling his hand back before running off.

Kaylie just stood there, watching as he ran off. Kicking the ground she sat against the wall, letting out a sigh. “Boys are dumb.”

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

“Mine got way farther than yours did!”

“Then watch this!”

Soon the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months and so. Before Jayden realized it, six years had passed by. Sticking with the people he met on the first day of school proved to be a wise choice. Not only were they still friends, but they remained loyal the entire duration.

“Sorry Marshall, but skipping rocks isn’t exactly something you’re good at.” Jayden chuckled slightly as he picked up a small stone.

Marshall sighed, wiping his forearm across his brow. “I’ll beat you someday. You’ll see.”

There had been no clouds in the sky that day, the sun harshly beaming down on them. A soft breeze blew over them every now and again, offering a tiny amount of relief. Taking a seat on the ground at the edge of the small pond Jayden looked across the water, a small humming noise reaching his ears.

“What the hell is that?” Marshall asked, trying to find the source.

“It sounds like some bug Pokémon,” Jayden guessed. “Either that or a large ship.”

Coming out from the trees on the opposite side of the pond was a large group of creatures that resembled enlarged dragonflies. Their wings beat so fast it was impossible to see them actually moving. They flew right over the two boys, a large cloud of dust picking up.

“Talk about some rude Yanma!” Marshall said between coughs.

“Hey guys!” a voice called from behind them.

Both of them turned their heads to see Burton and Kaylie walking towards them. Kaylie instantly smiled when she saw Jayden, trying to tuck some of her hair behind her ear. Jayden groaned, standing once they reached them.

“What are you guys doing all the way out here?” Burton asked.

“Marshall thought he was better at skipping rocks so I had to prove him wrong,” explained Jayden.

With a quick flick of his wrist, Jayden launched the stone he had across the lake. After skipping about seven times it sank. Frustrated, Marshall picked up a small stone and chucked it at the pond. With one bounce, it sank faster than Jayden’s.

“Looks like Jayden was right,” Kaylie said with a chuckle.

“So are we still on for the plan?” Burton asked with excitement in his eyes.

“Wait, what plan?” asked Kaylie, slightly confused.

“Nothing that concerns you,” Jayden said coolly. “I say we go for it. We won’t get another chance like it.”

Both Burton and Marshall nodded their heads in agreement. Still unaware of what they were talking about, Kaylie stayed silent, waiting for them to explain. When no one said anything to her, Kaylie let out an exasperated sigh, storming off in the direction of the living district.

“Good riddance. I didn’t think that would actually work.” Jayden smiled, watching Kaylie as she walked off angrily.

“You should really give her a chance man,” Burton told him. There was a look of concern on his face, possibly due to the fact that Kaylie’s treatment from Jayden had gotten worse over the years. “She’s a really nice girl and actually super cool. I’m surprised you don’t like her. She’s almost just like you.”

Jayden scoffed, launching another stone across the lake. Marshall smirked, chuckling a bit. “Maybe he really likes her and doesn’t want her to know,” he said. “So he treats her like crap to hide it.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong Marshall,” said Jayden. He is wrong isn’t he?

“Let’s get out of here guys,” suggested Burton. “We’ve got an exam in the morning to study for.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

“Now try to be civil. If you’re lucky she’ll be asleep.”

Pushing the door open to their room at the Pokémon Center, Hope poked her head in, scanning for any sign of Kaylie. A large red poof was on the top bunk of one of the beds, a slight moaning noise emanating from it.

“Well Lorin is here,” Hope observed as she took a step in. “And Kaylie is…”

Just as she spoke, the door to the next room opened. Kaylie stood in the doorway, fixed in place. When Jayden stepped in their eyes instantly met, neither one uttering a single word. Hope quickly walked to the bed under Lorin’s and took a seat.

“…Can I talk to you?” Kaylie asked after an entire minute of silence.

“…Of course,” replied Jayden.

The door quietly shut behind them, the lock clicking in place. The next room was very much like the first minus the beds. In their place were desks. Kaylie leaned up against one of the desks, staring at the ground, trying to find a place to start.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Jayden started, putting his hand by Kaylie’s mouth to silence her. “I’m sorry Kaylie. I should have told you before about how confused I was. I mean we weren’t the best of friends growing up, but now we’re traveling across Johto together and occasionally running into your psychotic brother who tried to kill me.”

Kaylie chuckled, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Wiping it away, Jayden placed his hand on her cheek, lightly rubbing it.

“Now you’ve become more than a friend and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. At times I tell myself that I definitely am and I summon the guts to tell you, but then once we’re face to face I lose all those guts and feel like I did the first day I met you.”

“Jayden…I’ve been in love with you ever since the day I saw you gather the courage to introduce yourself to the class,” said Kaylie, her breath shaky. “I knew that it was completely out of your comfort zone, but you still did it and without any fear of being judged. I was always drawn to you and couldn’t stop smiling when I was around you. Soon, you became the reason I went to school. You’re the reason I want to get stronger. Then I can protect you like you did with me when Alexander attacked you.”

Jayden slowly withdrew his hand. Before he knew it, Kaylie wrapped her arms around his neck, her face in his chest. Even though it was silent, he knew she was crying. And he knew the reason she was sobbing.

I can’t be with you. I have to leave, go my own way.

It was in the back of his mind the entire time. A single tear rolled down his cheek, breaking off his chin and hitting the ground, going unnoticed. When Kaylie finally let go, Jayden opened the door, silently grabbed his bag, and walked out of the room. Unable to hold herself up anymore, Kaylie fell to the floor, her breathing unstable and shallow. Tears still flowed out of her eyes as memories of her journey with Jayden came flooding back; all the good times as well as the bad, all of her feelings, and all of their experiences. They hit her like a ton of bricks. Closing her eyes, she only saw Jayden’s fading image before darkness enveloped everything.

5221A
21st September 2012, 4:33 AM
Nice chapter. Good leght and all. But it was just a filler.
Evrey one hates flashbacks, but they are cool :D
Thanks for the PM!

3D992
21st September 2012, 4:40 AM
Well, romance... It reminds me of a joke I heard from a comedian. Another time maybe. In real life I've never really been one for lovey-dovey guy/girl drama. It's funny when my friends go head- over-heels for a girl and she's not impressed. I just try to be gentlemanly and go out of my way for girls. It seems to be working so far.
As for the chapter it's good that you're back. Why is Jayden leaving? Sorry, I forgot why.

Shadow Lucario
22nd September 2012, 6:31 PM
Well, romance... It reminds me of a joke I heard from a comedian. Another time maybe. In real life I've never really been one for lovey-dovey guy/girl drama. It's funny when my friends go head- over-heels for a girl and she's not impressed. I just try to be gentlemanly and go out of my way for girls. It seems to be working so far.
As for the chapter it's good that you're back. Why is Jayden leaving? Sorry, I forgot why.

It's because of the complications that are caused when they are together. First they're fine, then they're fighting. This time it escalated to the point where she ran away crying. Now do you understand?

Sidewinder
30th September 2012, 11:09 PM
Sorry it took me so long buddy


One man stood out to Hope. He smiled at her, a single gold tooth shining in his mouth. As he passed her time seemed to slow, her eyes fixed on the man.

I like little physical tidbits like that, and I totally know what Hope meany by time seemed to slow. I see people with odd and distinct characteristics like that sometimes, and the more I stare they longer they seem to take to walk by me lol


Something about the man’s kind gesture warmed her up. The cold feeling the rain gave her was instantly gone.

I liked that portion quite a bit too. I don't think enough people write about transference of emotions through physical actions and I for one experience them a lot. Nicely done


“It’s as if the heavens weep for me.”

I'm not really sure what you could replace that with, but I did feel like that line was a bit too overly theatrical



As the boy looked up he felt a tap on his shoulder, slightly flinching.

I would say that this reads better if you put flinching slightly, instead of the other


“So he treats her like crap to hide it.”

Lmao, once again I liked that you called in the reality of that very real situation. I grew out of doing that around thirteen but some of my friends have yet to follow me. I liked it, and you seem to have a pretty good handle on the speech/reaction between Jayden and Kaylie at that age.


“Jayden…I’ve been in love with you ever since the day I saw you gather the courage to introduce yourself to the class,” said Kaylie

SHE FINALLY SAYS IT!!

All in all, I enjoyed the chapter very much. The flashback was a nice touch, and I enjoyed seeing Marshall less confident in his speaking than I usually do. Anyway, I'm somewhat surprised at how fast Jayden is coming into his own but I suppose it's to be expected after what's he's been through. My only suggestion would be to try drawing these kind of extreme emotional changes out just a tad bit slower. Other than that I enjoyed myself and I look forward to the next installment

Shadow Lucario
19th November 2012, 11:23 AM
Back from the dead! Shadow Lucario is here with the twentieth chapter of Hero's Bond! I consider this a milestone because I feel most journey fics don't make it this far and here I am at twenty chapters with a great reviewing team. I thank you guys. Here it is the twentieth installment! Enjoy!

Chapter 20: Dedication through Light and Darkness

The sky, so full of clouds had not been visible for quite some time. Anytime Kaylie looked up she would remember the rain from the day Jayden left. She would remember how cold she felt. The sky looked exactly the same in Ecruteak as it did in Goldenrod. It was as if the sun had decided to disappear. All warmth slowly began to be drained from her body, leaving only the cold emptiness that left her nearly emotionless.

“We’ll run into him,” Hope said nearly every day. Her efforts in trying to cheer Kaylie up had somewhat worked, the belief that Jayden would someday turn up instilled in her mind.

“We’ll stay with you all the way,” Lorin assured her just as much. The comfort Kaylie’s friends offered her made the separation bearable, constantly putting a smile on her face.

“Jayden…” Kaylie would whisper. “Please be safe…”

Wiping her brow, Kaylie exited a large wooden building, a Gastly sitting atop the structure. The word, “Gym” was scrawled on a sign next to the Pokémon. Looking at her Poké Ball, she let out a sigh.

“Morty was tougher than I thought, but we still beat him guys.” Tossing her ball in the air, Kaylie slowly began to stroll around the small city.

Compared to Goldenrod, Ecruteak was much smaller, being only a third of the size. All the buildings were made of wood, showing how long they had been there. Only the Pokémon Center was made of stone, being built much later than all the other buildings. Even the roads were all cobblestone, cement sidewalks on both sides.

Running into the Pokémon Center, Kaylie went straight to the elevator, pushing the up button as much as possible. Once she reached the third floor, she sprinted down the hallway to the last room, throwing the door open.

“Morty is defeated,” she exclaimed once she entered.

“Great job,” Hope congratulated, jumping up from one of the beds.

“He was a great challenge though,” Kaylie admitted. “When he sent in Gengar I thought I was done for, but Croconaw really pulled through. Where’s Lorin at?”

Hope made a motion towards the bathroom at the opposite end of the entrance. Without even asking Kaylie knew exactly what was going on. With a chuckle, she walked to the bed Hope was sitting on, laying back with her hands covering her eyes.

“Did those Miltank burgers from that restaurant give you the runs?” Kaylie asked loudly. Hope tried her best to stifle a laugh, but she couldn’t hold it all in.

“Don’t you make fun of me!” they heard from the other side of the door. “I told you guys there was something weird about that place!”

Busting out laughing, Kaylie quickly sat upright, clenching her stomach. “I didn’t know your stomach was so weak! If I knew that then I would have suggested somewhere else!”

After five minutes the sound of the toilet flushing was heard, the door swinging open soon after. Lorin stepped out, a relieved look on his face. Without a word, Lorin climbed into the other bed, hiding under the blankets.

“So I did as you asked,” Hope said, sitting next to Kaylie. The latter simply nodded, waiting for what she had to say next. “The sages at the Brass Tower said that a person that looked a lot like what I described WAS here a few days ago. Thing is we don’t know which way he went.”

“He could have gone either east or west right?” Kaylie asked.

“Exactly. Olivine City is to the southwest of here and Mahogany Town is east. They both have Pokémon gyms, but Olivine is a port city so I would say that’s our best bet. People like him tend to gravitate towards more populated areas.”

“Tomorrow we set out,” Kaylie told her friends. “That’s when we start our search for him. I will find you. Just you wait…Alexander!”

----------------------------------------------------------------

With the city once again on their backs, the three young trainers started their trek towards Olivine City. With a farewell kiss, Lorin tightened the straps on his backpack. Hope constantly rolled a Poké Ball over in her hand as if she were expecting something to happen. A focused look on her face, Kaylie stared straight ahead, looking for any sign of her brother having traveled on the road. A few trainers passed them here and there, but none of them set off any alarms.

“Let’s stop at that center ahead,” Lorin suggested, a large building a few hundred feet away.

As they approached the door, Hope stopped, looking it over for a brief second. Kaylie and Lorin turned, waiting for Hope. “Everything okay?” Kaylie asked.

“Yeah…” Hope replied. “I just got this off feeling. It’s probably nothing.”

When they entered the center, Hope received another off feeling. The overall atmosphere threw her senses out of whack. Nearly every person in the center was sitting at a table by themselves with a hood up. Behind the counter where a Joy normally stood was a man, a cigarette in his mouth. He had his hairy forearms rested on the counter, a smile appearing on his face when the three trainers entered.

“How may I help you?” he asked, taking a puff of his cigarette. His voice was deep and booming, easily echoing to them at the entrance.

“We’re just trying to find someone,” Kaylie replied, her eyes darting all around the room.

“And who are you looking for?” the man asked. “My friends and I may be able to help.”

A few men stood up, wicked grins on their faces. The three friends backed into each other, each one keeping an eye on a different person. Their shared nervousness hung over them like a rain cloud. Lorin reached for his belt, his fingertips barely touching the top of a Poké Ball. The men moved even closer, each one of them wearing a depraved expression. Kaylie snatched a Poké Ball from her belt, holding it up for them to show.

“There’s no need for that Kaylie,” a voice said from a nearby table.

The man stood, taking down his hood. A shocked look took over Kaylie’s face once she saw the dirty blond hair. Even though it had been styled in a spiky fashion this time, she knew exactly who it was.

“None of these chumps are going to lay a hand on my sister!”

The group of advancing men slowly returned to their tables, grunting and cursing under their breath. The man at the counter let out a wheezy laugh before taking another puff of his cigarette. “So this is the little sister you were talking about Alex? I should have known. You look exactly alike!”

“Hardly,” Alexander scoffed. “So what are you doing here little sis?”

“We came looking for you!” Kaylie spat, all three of the trainers drawing a Poké Ball.

“And why would you need me for?” Alexander grinned. Confidence was written all over his expression, a single Poké Ball between his fingertips.

All eyes had been placed on the four trainers at the entrance. The tension was so high one could see the fumes coming from Lorin’s head. The red head jumped forward, launching his Poké Ball. His Charmeleon emerged, releasing a barrage of fireballs towards Alexander. The man quickly jumped back, tossing his own ball. With a loud thud, Tyranitar appeared, the floorboards beneath him cracking. Swinging his tail, Tyranitar pushed Charmeleon back to his trainer, an uninterested look on the Dark type’s face.

“You can’t act on your own Lorin!” Kaylie scolded.

“She’s right,” Hope agreed. “He’d tear you apart. Noctowl!”

Two more streams of light hit the ground, taking the form of Noctowl and a blue Pokémon that resembled Totodile. It was much larger than Totodile, its jaw nearly double the size. Running a quick hand across his red mohawk, the Pokémon smirked.

“Croconaw, hit Tyranitar with Water Gun!” Kaylie shouted.

With a wink at Tyranitar, Croconaw charged forward, his head low. Tyranitar swiped at the Water type, but he was too fast. A spurt of water hit Tyranitar in the face, causing him to stumble backwards. Shaking it off, the Dark type slammed his tail on the ground. Taking off, Noctowl flew up, rocketing towards Tyranitar. Swinging his arms as if he were swatting flies, Tyranitar continuously missed Noctowl as the bird Pokémon flew around his head.

“Now Aqua Tail!” yelled Kaylie.

“Sorry little sister,” Alexander said with a chuckle. “Cheap tricks like that won’t work.”

A small amount of water swirled around Croconoaw’s tail as he jumped towards Alexander’s Pokémon. With two swift movements, Tyranitar grabbed both Noctowl and Croconaw, shocking both of them. An orb of orange energy began to charge in his mouth, both of the opposite Pokémon struggling to get free. Before they could wriggle lose, Tyranitar unleashed the energy, blasting both of them into the opposite wall. The Pokémon hit the ground, slowly getting up. Noctowl shook the pain off and flew back to Hope’s side while Croconaw limped forward, holding his right arm.

“Damn!” Kaylie cursed under her breath. “His Tyranitar is too strong! The three of us can’t take him!”

“There must be some way,” said Lorin. “No one is without a weakness. We just need to find out his.”

“He’s fast, strong, and equally calculating,” Hope observed. “If we do find out what that weakness is then he’ll just find a way to cover that weakness.”

Tyranitar let out a small roar, telling them how impatient he was getting. Alexander chuckled, his arms crossed. He stared across at them, an unflinching look in his eye. Kaylie grunted, shouting a command at Croconaw. Alexander simple nodded at Tyranitar. The Dark type swung his tail at Croconaw in an attempt to trip him. Being small and nimble, Croconaw simply leapt over it. A jet of water shot out from his mouth, hitting Tyranitar square in the chest. Taking a few steps back, Tyranitar growled in pain. Small stones appeared around Tyranitar in the form of an X, rocketing towards Croconaw. Just before they could connect, the stones stopped in midair, a blue aura surrounding them. With a screech, Noctowl flapped his wings towards Tyranitar, his eyes glowing blue as well. The stones collided with Tyranitar, making the Rock type stumble backwards.

“Interesting…” Alexander mumbled, his face taking on a serious look.

“You never take us seriously because you can take us out in one hit,” Kaylie shouted, “but if we can change the pattern of our attacks there is no way you can beat us!”

“Congrats, little sister, on being able to do significant damage to Tyranitar,” Alexander said as he clapped his hands. “This is the second time he’s taken anything more than a scratch. So it looks like we’ll have to end this little battle before it goes too far. Tyranitar! Fire the Hyper Beam!”

Regaining his balance, Tyranitar began to charge a ball of orange energy in his mouth. Croconaw retreated back to Noctowl and Charmeleon, a bead of sweat hanging off his jaw. Looking around frantically, Kaylie tried to figure out a way to counter Tyranitar’s attack. Alexander turned around as the ball fired into a beam, heading straight for the opposing team.

“Charmeleon, Flamethrower!” Lorin shouted.

“Croconaw, Water Gun!” Kaylie commanded.

In a last ditch effort, both Charmeleon and Croconaw launched streams of their respective elements. The attacks collided with great force, a loud bang exploding through the building when they hit. Inch by inch, Tyranitar’s energy began to overpower the starter Pokémons’. A smirk slowly appeared on Alexander’s face, confidence written all over it.

“Noctowl, Air Slash!” Hope yelled.

Flying above the clash, Noctowl shot out a barrage of shockwaves, each one hitting Tyranitar in the back. Slightly flinching from the attack, Tyranitar’s control over the struggle lessened. Seeing this opening, Croconaw and Charmeleon pushed the rest of their energy into their attacks, the water and fire smashing into Tyranitar’s chest. The large Pokémon was thrown into the back wall, the entire building shaking. Slowly sliding down to the ground, Tyranitar lay unconscious. Alexander looked over in shock, his hands trembling. Running to his Pokémon, Alexander picked up Tyranitar’s head.

“A second…time?” Alexander said, slightly confused.

Kaylie high fived Lorin, squealing as they recalled their Pokémon. Hope wiped her brow as she sighed. Recalling Tyranitar, Alexander scoffed as he turned towards the back door.

“Hey wait!” Hope shouted, reaching for him.

A few men jumped in between her and the man, but Alexander turned around, a fierce look in his eye.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“What did you do with my brother?” she asked, a slight tremor in her voice. A tear came to her eye, not daring to roll down her cheek.

“He’ll be in West City for the battle tournament,” Alexander told her, his attention now on the back door once again. “If you wish to save him then you better head there. You may not like what you find.”

With those last words, Alexander ran out the back door, not saying a word to Kaylie. Once he was gone, the men smirked as they approached the three trainers. Each one had a grin filled with malice, their intentions ill. The friends’ backs hit each other as the men circled them.

“No more big brother to protect you,” one of the men said. “You might as well just do as we say so we can avoid doing something we both don’t want to do.”

“Don’t count on it,” said a familiar voice.

A quick flash of red appeared in the middle of the circle, a Poké Ball flying out. From the ball emerged a Gastly, small rings shooting from his eyes. When the rings hit the men they all fell asleep instantly, dropping to the floor like flies. Kaylie gasped while Lorin and Hope jumped on their savior.

“Jayden!” they both cried.

“I…can’t believe…it,” stuttered Kaylie.

“Well, believe it! No one is going to harm my friends!”

Shadow Lucario
30th November 2012, 11:00 PM
Rolling right into chapter 21, this is where the plot starts to go into overdrive. This chapter brings back an old group that you may have forgotten about.

Chapter 21: The Nine

“So just where have you been?”

“I’ve been around Ecruteak mostly. I never left the area. I had a feeling that Alexander would come back and my suspicions were right. Good thing you guys handled it without me.”

“You could have at least tried to back us up! My Charmeleon had nearly passed out from exhaustion!”

After leaving the makeshift Pokémon Center, the group of, now, four trainers began to walk down the road. Not many trainers were out. The only form of life they passed was the occasional Pokémon and a few trees. Jayden had been pestered by Hope and Lorin to explain just what happened after he left Goldenrod. He simply pushed their questions off, opting to take an occasional glance at Kaylie who had remained quiet the entire time. She couldn’t even bring herself to look in his direction. With a sigh, Jayden looked ahead, a sign only a few feet in front of them. Stopping to read it, Jayden looked back at his friends.

“This sign says that West City is a few miles away,” he told them. “We’ll be there in about two hours then. Are you ready?” Even though it was a general question, he tried to direct it more towards Hope in a subtle way.

“My brother is there,” said Hope. “I need to go and rescue him from Team Lustrous!”

“I’m with you on that Hope!” Lorin added.

Kaylie stayed silent, staring at the ground. Jayden gritted his teeth, feeling the tension between them. It was obvious to him that Lorin and Hope did not know, but Jayden knew that Kaylie felt the same thing. They hadn’t seen each other in over a month and here he just shows up like it’s nothing. If she had done the same to him, he would probably feel how she does.

“Listen,” Jayden whispered to Kaylie as Lorin and Hope walked ahead. “I know that my showing up is sudden and all, but we have to work past this for Hope right now. Can we put our eventual talk on hold for a while?”

“You just don’t understand,” was all Kaylie said before quickening her pace, joining Lorin and Hope ahead of Jayden with tears in her eyes. When asked she said her allergies were causing her eyes to run.

You’re wrong, Jayden thought. I understand perfectly…

With many thoughts racing through his head, the next hour and a half seemed like seconds to Jayden. The next time he looked up, he could see skyscrapers in the near distance, the sun shining off the windows. Helicopters circled the city, planes flew in from all over, and large buzzing was heard from the streets even a mile away. It resembled Goldenrod in any ways, being both very large and populated, and the difference in West City being that it was much more modern.

Walking into the city gave both a familiar and strange vibe. Large and small crowds passed the trainers, every person rushing to a different place with a different colored suit or briefcase. In the rare moment when they weren’t caught in a crowd Lorin dramatically took in a deep breath as if he had been suffocating. When they finally caught sight of the red roof that belonged to the Pokémon Center, they made a beeline towards it.

“Hold it right there,” a voice said.

Turning around, they saw a girl of about their age in a black blouse and orange skirt holding her hand out. Her orange eyes pierced their souls, the boys flinching at the sight of them.

“What do you want?” Hope asked, looking the girl up and down. “And isn’t it a little late for Halloween? Orange and black stockings only look good on October 31st.”

“Very funny tomboy,” the girl said coldly. “You guys are trainers right? Well you’re going to have to pay to get into the Pokémon Center.”

“Pay to get in,” Jayden repeated, not believing what he heard. “That’s ridiculous.”

“If you don’t want to pay then you’ll have to battle me! West Gate Park in an hour. Be there or be a loser. Well I guess you can’t help that.”

The girl walked right by them into the Pokémon Center, her black hair whipping Lorin in the face, the orange tips nearly touching his eyes. All Lorin could do was stare, his jaw hanging wide open. Jayden scoffed, taking a seat on a bench not too far from the Pokémon Center’s doors. Peering through the glass doors he could see the girl talking to the Nurse Joy, pointing out him and his friends, probably telling her to not let them enter.

“That was almost annoying,” said Kaylie as they joined Jayden. “I wouldn’t mind giving her the beat down she is asking for.”

“Ugh!” Hope grunted, a passerby nearly knocking her over as he rushed by. “The faster we beat her, the faster we can find my brother and the faster we can get out of this crowded city.”

“She was somethin’ eh Jay?” Lorin asked Jayden, his thoughts still on the girl they just met.

“Something is right,” he replied. “I think I might volunteer to give her that beat down.”

After asking a few people, the four figured out that the park wasn’t too far from the Pokémon Center. It had been a half mile behind it in the more natural area of the city. The grass was green and the trees’ leaves were the same color. A small group of people were at the park, all waiting on a small hill, carefully watching their every move.

“Looks like you’re not as big of losers as I thought,” a voice said from behind a tree. The girl from the Pokémon Center stepped out, her orange and black attire easily visible in the green setting. A Poké Ball had been in her hand, her thumb rubbing against it slightly.

“I’m going to take her,” Hope said, stepping up. She quickly drew her Poké Ball, her eyes narrowing. Her friends took a step back, standing behind a bench a few feet away.

Hope’s opponent stood in front of another bench about thirty feet from her position. Even with the distance, Hope could see the smirk on her face. With a scowl, Hope tossed her ball into the air, releasing Noctowl.

“My name is Piper,” she finally introduced herself before tossing her Poké Ball. “And this is my wonderful Lampent!”

From Piper’s Poké Ball came a creature that resembled a lamp of sorts. Its wavy arms possessed no fingers. The small blue flame in its head flickered as it moved. Noctowl eyed the Pokémon carefully, not exactly sure of what it was.

“What in the world is that?” Jayden asked, pointing at the Pokémon Piper sent out.

“No idea,” said Kaylie.

“Beats me,” added Lorin.

“This is my Lampent,” Piper repeated. “He’s a Pokémon from a far off land. A land that isn’t for losers. I’ll start off with Ember!”

Slowly looking upwards, the creature known as Lampent secured Noctowl in his vision, small fireballs shooting from the point in the top of his hat-like extremity. The blue fireballs nearly missed Noctowl. Diving down, Noctowl flapped his wings to stop himself and begin hovering above the ground.

“Wing Attack,” commanded Hope.

With his wings glowing, Noctowl shot forwards towards the Fire type. Simply spinning on his pointy bottom, Lampent avoided the attack, more fireballs shooting from the blue flame, this barrage hitting the owl on his back. Noctowl was knocked out of the air, slowly falling. Just before he hit the ground, Noctowl quickly flapped his wings, regaining altitude above Lampent.

“Don’t let up Lampent!” shouted Piper. “Hit that bird with Fire Spin!”

“Don’t let it, Noctowl!” yelled Hope.

The flame inside Lampent began to flicker as a small flame began to form at the tip of his head. Slowly the flame began to grow, becoming much more intense. Noctowl began furiously flapping his wings, shockwaves shooting out towards the Fire type. Each one connected, but did seemingly no damage. With a smirk, Piper pointed at Noctowl, chuckling as she turned her hand upside down, her thumb pointing to the ground. A large spiraling flame shot out from Lampent’s tip, surrounding Noctowl. Anywhere he went, Noctowl was hit by fire.

“What can she do now?” Kaylie asked worriedly. Lorin and Jayden didn’t reply, both watching the battle with their eyebrows arched.

“Noctowl use…” Hope choked out, not able to come up with a command.

“Finish this battle Lampent! Flame Burst!” Piper busted out into laughter as a large, compact ball of fire rocketed towards Noctowl.

The ball of fire split into multiple streams when it neared Noctowl, the flames raining onto him. The Flying type hit the ground, barely moving. Hope gritted her teeth, watching as her Pokémon attempted to stand, scorch marks all over his body.

“This battle is over,” Jayden said, stepping up and placing a hand on Hope’s shoulder. “Don’t worry; I’ll take care of this.”

Hope recalled Noctowl, nodding at Jayden. “Then I leave it to you.”

“Ready to beat down another one Lampent?” Piper asked her partner. Lampent nodded, a weird jingling noise coming from him.

“Gastly, stand by for battle!” Jayden shouted as he launched a Poké Ball from his hand. Gastly emerged from the ball, an even larger grin on his face.

“Lampent show them Flame Burst!” Piper started.

“Dodge it Gastly,” Jayden said, crossing his arms.

Once again the ball of fire flew out towards Gastly, separating into individual streams. Before the fire could hit him, Gastly quickly disappeared and reappeared on the other side of the flame, cackling at his opponent.

“Fire Spin,” commanded Piper.

“Shadow Ball,” Jayden ordered.

The spiraling flame once again shot out of Lampent’s hat tip, making its way towards Gastly. In Gastly’s mouth, a small black orb formed. Once it reached the size of a beach ball, it fired, hitting Lampent square in the “chest”. Instantly, the flames vanished. Lampent was unable to hold the attack up any longer. The small Ghost type spun backwards, shocked by the damage of the attack.

“Now Dark Pulse,” shouted Jayden.

Once again, a black orb began to form in Gastly’s mouth. The floating Pokémon began to cackle, watching as Lampent attempted to regain composure. Once enough energy had been charged, the ball turned into a beam, rocketing at Lampent. Trying to stop the attack, Lampent fired off a barrage of fireballs, but the beam went right through, hitting him in the chest. Lampent fell to the ground, the chiming coming from him much weaker than before.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Piper.

“You must’ve been doing some serious training,” observed Lorin. “Gastly is wicked strong now!”

Recalling his Pokémon, Jayden rejoined his friends, nodding to Hope who had been sulking. “Now let’s heal our Pokémon and find Hope’s brother.”

“Not so fast,” said Piper, putting her hand out. “Now that you’ve beaten me, you’re ready to meet him.”

“What are you talking about?” Kaylie questioned.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that I wouldn’t let you use the Pokémon Center?” Piper asked, as she recalled Lampent, approaching the group.

“No, I just thought you were a *****,” Jayden said bluntly. “But go on.”

“I’ll ignore that.” Piper cracked her neck, letting out a sigh. “It’s come to our attention that you guys become a top interest in both Team Lustrous and the Black Organization. You’ve done something to rub them the wrong way and it looks as if they’re mobilizing.”

Jayden put his hand to his chin, several thoughts running through his mind. “You say we. What does that mean? Are you with some group?”
“I am affiliated with a group that exists to annihilate both Team Lustrous and the Black Organization,” Piper explained. “Team Lustrous wants to rid the world of those they deem unfit and the Black Organization wants to rule the world by covering people’s eyes in darkness. Both claim it is for peace.”

“They only want to ruin people’s lives!” Hope spat, the thought of her brother running through her mind.

“So that’s why I joined CLOUD. We do whatever possible to break the hold they have on people and destroy that hold with whatever necessary.”

Kaylie balled her hands into fists, her arms shaking. Looking down at the ground, all she could think of was Alexander. She knew he was different. He is HER brother. She knows him better than anyone. Alexander wouldn’t join people that had a goal like that. Shaking her head, Kaylie looked up, her face feeling hot.

“Not all of them are like that though,” she said. “There may be some with a different opinion. You can’t just go around killing them all.”

Piper chuckled as she patted Kaylie on the shoulder, waving off what she just said. “If they have a different opinion then Team Lustrous kills them. They’re very exclusive.”

“Who do we have to meet?” Lorin asked as a sort of reminder to them that they were off track.

“It’s time for you to meet with the officers of CLOUD,” Piper told them as she turned back towards the city. “It’s time for you to meet the Nine.”

Shadow Lucario
20th December 2012, 4:01 AM
This chapter is one of the longer ones. With that it contains a lot of plot. How? I can't tell you that. Read, review, and enjoy.


Chapter 22: City of Lights

“The…Nine?”

“They’re the top executives of CLOUD. They’ve been around the longest or have the most amount of skill. Like I said before, they’ve noticed that Team Lustrous and the Black Organization have their eyes on you.”

Back in the Pokémon Center, Piper began to question the four trainers and their connections to the two syndicates. All had told their story except Kaylie. She had been hesitant, not sure if she should let Piper know that her brother was a high ranking officer in Team Lustrous.

“So then Kaylie, were you just along for the ride?” Piper asked. “Is your connection simply because you travel with others that actually have a connection?”

“No…” Kaylie replied. “My…my…”

“Her brother infiltrated Team Lustrous before,” Jayden quickly finished, lying for her.

“Then maybe he has some intel that we can use,” Piper said. “We’ve mostly been taking stabs in the dark.”

“…he died a long time ago.” Kaylie looked down at her hands, fiddling with them above the table. A single tear fell out of her eye, hitting her palm. “My brother can’t help me anymore.”

With a sigh, Piper stood up, nodding to the trainers. “Well if you would like to join us in our fight then you’ll have to meet with the Nine. They’ll be at the battle tournament tomorrow, observing and looking for anyone they think may be able to help. You won’t need to participate, but it might help so they’ll know where to place you.”

“We’ll be there,” said Lorin with a smile.

“Then I’ll see you guys there.” With a wave, Piper exited the Pokémon Center, carefully looking around her as she walked out.

All four trainers stood up, Jayden sighing as he approached the counter. Nurse Joy appeared from the back, the standard smile on her face.

“How do I sign up for that tournament?” Jayden asked.

“You can sign up right here,” Nurse Joy answered happily. “The tournament is being in the downtown district of the city. The line for the sign in will be ridiculous so we have entry forms here. You just need to write down your name and three Pokémon that you will be entering.”

Grabbing four sign up papers, Jayden walked back to the counter and passed them out. Both Jayden and Kaylie quickly began writing down the necessary information while Hope and Lorin looked at the paper confused.

“Why did you give me a signup sheet?” Hope asked. “I only have one Pokémon.”

“You find out a lot of things while you’re away,” Jayden said, still writing. “Isn’t that right Sinnoh Task Force agent Hope? I know you’ve been hiding some strong Pokémon from us.”

“Wha…what are you talking about?” Hope stuttered, shocked by Jayden’s claim. “Noctowl is my only Pokémon. You know that. How long have I been traveling with you?”

Looking up, Jayden chuckled and pointed at Hope’s belt. Five Poké Balls hung from her waist. With a chuckle he continued to write on his signup sheet, whistling as he finished it. He turned back to Hope, placing the pen in his pocket.

“You claim to have one Pokémon.” Jayden placed his piece of paper back on the counter, giving Nurse Joy a quick smile. “Yet you carry more than three Poké Balls on your waist. Now you could say that they’re empty, but why would you only have four extra Poké Balls? No one has carried empty Poké Balls on their waist for over fifty years. Now come clean.”

“…I…I have no idea what you’re saying.” Hope looked away, biting her lip.

Lorin sighed, shrugging his shoulders. Writing down his name on the paper, Lorin looked at Jayden and smiled. “Well Hope, I don’t know if you’re really a Task Force member, but Jayden seems pretty sure about it,” he said, “but that also means that Team Lustrous could have figured it out. Assuming that it’s true that is.”

Hope stayed silent, still staring at the ground. Her fingers lightly grazed the top of one of the Poké Balls at her waist. After a sigh, she finally looked up, staring into Jayden’s eyes.

“How did you find out?” Hope asked.

“Around Ecruteak there were a few Task Force members,” Jayden explained. “They couldn’t say much, but they let me know that the Task Force had been present in Johto for quite some time, carefully watching the Black Organization.”

“That doesn’t exactly say she’s one of them though,” said Kaylie, placing her sheet on the counter as well.

“That by itself doesn’t, but then they told me they ran into trouble when one of their members had been captured by Team Lustrous. They sent a member after them, to find out what happened. I lined the dates up and the day we met you in the café was about three days after they sent their person after them.”

Hope chuckled, filling out the entry form. “Well, you are right about one thing. I do have more than one Pokémon, but I am not a member of the Task Force. They asked me to join repeatedly after my brother had, but I had other plans. I was going to travel the world and capture so many Pokémon. After my brother disappeared they let me in on all their information. We’re only associates, not team members.”

After placing her sheet on the counter, Hope walked towards the elevator, pushing the up button. Looking back, she motioned for them to follow. Once they had a room checked out they headed up to the fifth floor, placing their bags on a bed before laying down to rest.

“…do you guys think we’ll be able to rescue my brother here?” Hope asked once she turned off the lights.

“For sure,” Jayden answered confidently. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“It’s just…last time didn’t go over so well,” Hope admitted.

“We’ve gotten stronger,” said Kaylie. “On top of that we have another person to help out. With the four of us there is no way we’ll lose to them.”

“It’ll be a cake walk,” Lorin told her. “Let’s just get some rest. The tournament is tomorrow after all.”

----------------------------------------------------------

“…aaannnnddddd welcome to the West City Annual battle tournament! This is the forty-seventh year in which this tournament has been held! Today we will see some amazing battles from trainers all over the region! The number one battler today will receive this wonderful ribbon!”

In the downtown district of West City was a large dome. Thunderous roars of applause erupted from the open top. Lines in front of the entrance stretched as far as three blocks, each person buzzing with excitement. Inside the dome was a large battlefield, appearing exactly the same as the ones located in the gyms. The spectator stands surrounded the field, going up to fourteen rows. A large screen hung over the middle of the arena, projecting the field so anyone high up could witness the battle.

“…and that’s two down!” the announcer shouted into his microphone. “Donny only has one Pokémon left while Celeste still has three!”

“Looks like I’m up next,” said Hope, standing in the doorway to the field. “Wish me luck.”

Walking past with his head hung was Donny, the boy who was swept in his match against a girl named Celeste. He made a groaning noise before slunking off to the bathroom. Celeste, a short girl with blonde hair, bounced to the group of four trainers, a large smile on her face. She saw Lorin and her eyes lit up, small giggles coming out.

“Did you see my battle?” she asked in her squeaky voice. “I was awesome right?”

“You were great,” Lorin said, giving her a thumb up.

Celeste suddenly turned a shade of pink, her words sputtering out as gibberish as she stared at Lorin. Hiding her face, she waved to them as she ran off, giggling all the way down the hall. Taking in a small breath, Hope walked out to the field, her opponent already on the opposite side. The announcer, wearing a bright orange suit and pink bowtie, suddenly appeared on the side of the field.

“Now it’s time for the third match!” he yelled, his voice echoing throughout the arena. “It’s Hope versus Serena! You know the rules; three on three! No substitutes! Battle begin!”

Serena, a girl of about Hope’s height, smiled confidently as she stared across the field. Both of the girls drew their Poké Balls, launching them onto the field.

“Quagsire appear!” Serena shouted.

“Noctowl, rise!” yelled Hope.

In a brilliant flash of light, Noctowl emerged from his Poké Ball, quickly circling the field, hovering above Hope. On Serena’s side appeared a light blue bipedal Pokémon. It had a broad head, its small eyes placed near the center. Thumping its tail, the creature smirked, carefully watching the flying Noctowl.

“Quagsire, Hydro Pump,” Serena commanded.

Jumping back, Quagsire took aim at Noctowl, sucking in a large amount of breath. When he blew out, a large stream of water shot out, rocketing towards Noctowl. Easily dodging it, Noctowl quickly flew towards the Water type. When he was a few inches away from Quagsire, he flapped his wings, shockwaves coming out and hitting Quagsire all over. The Water Fish Pokémon stumbled backwards, surprised by the attack.

“Looks like Hope is off to a good start,” commented Jayden as he entered the waiting room with Kaylie and Lorin. Inside the room were televisions displaying the current match as well as couches and tables for the waiting trainers to sit at. Besides the three that just entered, there were eleven other trainers in the room.

“You three must be with the four that signed up late right?” one of the trainers, a man of about twenty, asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” another man asked.

Both of the men wore black suits with black ties. Their shoes, also black, were so shiny that a reflection could be seen in them. Their brown hair was slightly slicked down, being spiky in the back.

“Yeah we are,” Jayden answered. “We didn’t even get into town until yesterday. A friend recommended that we check it out.”

“If you can call Alexander a friend,” Lorin said under his breath, a jab from Kaylie’s elbow soon following.

Two girls, a tall one and short one walked up to them, their hands held out. “We wish you luck in your fight,” the tall one said, shaking hands with Jayden.

“Everyone here is preparing for the Silver Conference so it’s bound to get ugly,” the short one told them, her hand left hanging.

“That’s good to know,” Kaylie said. “At least this won’t be a walk in the park.”

“Not after you find out what we have in store…” a man in a corner muttered, not audible to the others.

After a loud cheer, the trainers turned their attention to the television. On the display it showed Quagsire on the ground, Noctowl slowly descending above him. A red beam of light sucked Quagsire back to his trainer, the girl scowling. Tossing another ball into the air, a large rat emerged, landing with a loud thud.

“And next Serena sends in Raticate,” yelled the announcer. “How will Noctowl fare here?”

“Show them Confusion,” ordered Hope.

Noctowl’s eyes began to glow light blue, a light blue aura surrounding Raticate. The rodent was lifted into the air about ten feet before being dropped. Hitting the floor hard, the Normal Type jumped back up, shaking the damage off.

“She won’t be taken out by just a fall,” Serena told Hope. “Hyper Fang!”

Baring her fangs, Raticate charged Noctowl. Leaping into the air, the rat bit into Noctowl’s wing her teeth sinking into his feathers. The bird let out a screech, throwing Raticate off instantly. Landing on the field, Noctowl turned his head at Raticate, trying to figure out her next attack pattern.

“That Hyper Fang might have taken out all of Noctowl’s aerial moves!” the announcer shouted, saliva flying out of his mouth.

“Now use Take Down!” commanded Serena.

Once again, Raticate charged Noctowl, this time much faster. Crashing into the bird, Raticate threw her full force behind the tackle, sending Noctowl spiraling back to Hope. Her Pokémon lay at her feet unconscious. Another thunderous roar of applause came from the crowd, some even chanting Serena’s name. Hope quickly recalled Noctowl, swapping his Poké Ball for another.

“I haven’t used you in a while, but please work with me,” Hope whispered to the Poké Ball. “Empoleon, rise!”

“What the hell is that thing?!” Jayden asked, stunned by the large Pokémon that appeared from Hope’s Poké Ball.

Standing in front of Hope was what appeared to be a large penguin. A golden trident head was placed in front of its face, his feathers a dark blue. Lifting his fins in the air, he let out an ear splitting roar. Looking back at Hope, the Pokémon smirked. After looking across the field at his opponent, Empoleon began to laugh, taking a seat on the ground.

“That’s an Empoleon,” another trainer in the waiting room said, staring at it in awe. Walking to the television, she touched it softly, running her finger along Empoleon’s outline. “It’s the final form of a starter Pokémon from Sinnoh. It’s a dual Water/Steel Pokémon.”

“Show her a real Hydro Pump,” Hope told Empoleon, the same smirk her Pokémon had now on her face.

After a few seconds of sitting down, Empoleon jumped up nearly five feet in the air. Opening his beak, the same stream of water that Quagsire launched came from him. The only difference being that Empoleon’s was just about five times bigger. The impact from the water knocked Raticate off the field and into the wall just below the stands. Sliding down to the ground, Raticate didn’t move, her whiskers drooping.

“With just one attack Raticate has her world rocked by Empoleon!” the announcer commented, saliva now almost covering his hand. “How can Serena get past this powerhouse?!”

“I hope I don’t face Hope,” Jayden said, laughing nervously. “Her Empoleon is wicked strong.”

Suddenly, a loud explosion was heard in the distance, smoke rising into the sky. The cheering stopped, everyone turning their attention to the city. A few seconds after the explosion a low rumbling started, slowly getting louder. Soon, the whole arena was shaking as if an earthquake was tearing it apart. The hanging lights in the hallways shook back and forth, people screamed as they ran for their lives, people tripped and fell down the stairs or were trampled by the others.

“What’s going on?!” Jayden shouted as all the trainers in the waiting room fell to the ground.

“UGH! No idea,” Kaylie answered, narrowly avoiding a sliding couch.

“We’ve got to get out of here!” Lorin said, jumping towards the door.

Once he threw it open, all the trainers ran out, running to the nearest exit. Many people crowded the streets, screaming as they ran for their lives. Looking into the sky, Jayden pointed to the smoke, a large cloud heading up into the atmosphere.

“There,” he said. “It looks like Team Lustrous couldn’t wait for the end of the tournament.”

“We have to go there,” Kaylie told them. “What if they have Hope’s brother?”

“Alexander hasn’t lied to us before so I don’t see why he would now.” Jayden drew a Pokéball. Tossing it into the air, the ball cracked opening, releasing a large black and yellow wasp. Instead of having arms it had two large stingers. “Beedrill, we’re going to need your help. Fly to that smoke and make an L in it if you see guys in white.”

The wasp buzzed before flying off in the direction of the smoke. Lorin began to cough heavily, small amounts of liquid spilling out of his mouth. Wiping his chin, he nodded at his friends before they ran into the large crowd of people, trying to make their way to the smoke.

“Look!” Lorin shouted after they had been running for five minutes.

To the side of the smoke was a tiny flying Pokémon, diving in and out of the cloud. Slowly, the shape of an L was formed. Beedrill flew back down to his trainer, buzzing hard. Jayden recalled him, gritting his teeth.

“It’s time we get Hope’s brother back!” Jayden said, his eyebrows arching.

“You can’t go any farther,” a voice said from above.

Crashing down in front of them was a large man in a white robe, the classic Team Lustrous uniform. On his chest was a large medal with a star in the middle. His blonde Mohawk lay flat on one side. The trainers slid to a halt, the man towering over them.

“I can’t let you ruin Master Aeolus’ plan,” he told them, his voice deep and booming.

“What exactly is that?” Lorin asked, placing his hand on a Poké Ball.

“If I told you that it would ruin the surprise.” The man laughed at them, drawing his own Poké Ball. “Go on. Draw your Poké Balls! We fight!”

Emerging from the ball in his hand, a large bull appeared. Whipping its two tails, it lowered its head, its horns pointing straight at Lorin, Kaylie, and Jayden. Each one tossed a Poké Ball into the air, sending out Croconaw, Cyndaquil, and Charmeleon.

“Your puny Pokémon won’t stand a chance against my Tauros!” the man shouted. “Horn Attack!”

Charging the three opposing Pokémon, Tauros swung his head all over, attempting to hit one of his targets. Cyndaquil slid under him while Croconaw and Charmeleon jumped to the side. Once she was completely behind him, Cyndaquil released a barrage of fireballs, each hitting Tauros in the back. Turning around, Tauros snorted, seemingly taking no damage.

“Croconaw, Water Gun!” Kaylie shouted.

“Charmeleon, Metal Claw!” yelled Lorin.

Slowly backing up, Cyndaquil jumped away when Tauros charged her. Releasing a stream of water, Croconaw hit Tauros in the face, momentarily blinding him. Charmeleon slid in close, his claws a silver color. Slashing at his belly, Charmeleon flipped backwards, a smirk on his face. Tauros roared into the sky, shaking the water off.

“Did those attacks do anything?!” Jayden wondered.

“Crush these weaklings!” the man yelled. “Stomp each one of them!”

Jumping into the air, Tauros came down like a rock, landing on top of Charmeleon. The breath instantly left the Fire type, a shocked look on his face. Croconaw and Cyndaquil jumped back, each one firing another attack. Jumping back into the air, Tauros avoided the attack, causing the Pokémon to hit each other instead. Cyndaquil screamed as she rolled backwards, the water doing a significant amount of damage.

“Damn!” Jayden cursed. “We have to figure out some way to beat this guy. It doesn’t look like his Tauros is taking any damage at all!”

“I think I have an idea,” said Lorin. “It looks like he’s not taking any damage, but we all know that’s not the case. He’s trained his Pokémon to have a high pain tolerance. If we can damage him enough then his body will shut down and render him unable to battle.”

“We should go for the legs first,” Kaylie suggested.

“Cyndaquil, use Ember now!” Jayden shouted.

Slowly getting back up, Cyndaquil ignited the fire on her back once more, the flame burning much more intensely. Releasing a barrage of fireballs, Cyndaquil soon turned it into a stream of fire. Jumping above both attacks, Tauros landed on the street hard, slightly cracking it. Just as he landed, Charmeleon slid in front of him, slashing at his legs. Once he was cut, Tauros jumped back, shocked by the quick movement of Charmeleon. Not letting him breathe for a second, Croconaw unleashed a stream of water onto the bull. The water hit him in the knees, knocking him to the ground.

“That’s the way,” Jayden cheered.

“I don’t think so!” the man shouted.

Tauros jumped back to his feet just as he hit the ground, panting heavily. All three of the opposing Pokémon were breathing heavily as well, their movements slowed. Observing all three, the man’s eyes fell on Croconaw, noticing his breathing being the heaviest.

“Tauros, take out that Croconaw!” he said. “Hit him with Take Down!”

Tauros galloped towards Croconaw, full force behind him. Jumping at his opponent, Tauros lowered his head, his horns barely missing Croconaw as the latter jumped to the side, stumbling as he landed. As he fell, Charmeleon and Cyndaquil fired a stream of fire which covered the Normal type. Croconaw regained his balance and fired his own elemental stream. Tauros lay on the ground defeated, unable to move.

“Now hit him with Flame Wheel!” Jayden shouted as he pointed at the man.

“Take him down with Headbutt!” Kaylie yelled.

Both Croconaw and Cyndaquil regained their breath before dashing towards the man. Flipping in the air, the flame on Cyndaquil’s back engulfed her as she spun towards the man. With a side step he quickly avoided Cyndaquil, but was met with Croconaw’s skull in his gut. Saliva splattered out of his mouth as the man fell back to the ground, clenching his stomach.

“Let’s go,” Lorin said, dashing past the man.

Kaylie and Jayden soon followed with their Pokémon right behind them. An explosion sounded a few feet from them, rubble and dust flying everywhere. The force from it knocked Lorin off his feet, slamming him into a crumbled building. His two friends stopped abruptly, running to his side.

“I’m fine,” he told them, jumping back to his feet. Letting out a groan of pain, he spat on the ground before wiping his chin. “These fools think they can throw Lorin around? Well they’ve got another thing coming!”

Continuing toward the smoke, several figures came into view, all standing atop a small building in front of the smoke cloud. They all wore a different version of the Team Lustrous uniform, seeming much more classy and fancy. Some had chains connecting each side of the hood, the chain hanging on their chest. Coming to halt, Lorin, Kaylie, and Jayden looked up at them, scowling. Sticking close to their trainers, the Pokémon watched all of them carefully, ready to attack on command.

“This is the farthest you will go,” a woman said, stepping to the edge of the building. “Team Lustrous would like to ask you to please surrender.”

“You reckon they’ll just give up all easy like?” a man asked, a toothpick in his mouth. He bent over, peering at the trainers. “We’re gunna need to use force. There are seven of us an’ only three of them. It’ll be easy I reckon.”

Each one of them drew a Poké Ball before jumping down, all of them landing with a soft thud. The woman who spoke stepped forward, holding her Poké Ball as if she held a diamond in her white gloved hands. The three trainers backed up, but were soon surrounded. They all had a smirk on their face, some even chuckling.

“It’s time for you to battle,” the woman said.

“We can’t battle these people,” Kaylie whispered to the other two.

“Why not?” Jayden whispered back.

“Because you moron they’re Pokémon are going to be insanely strong!” Kaylie told him. “We have to figure a way out of here and fast.”

“But what about Hope’s brother?” Lorin asked quietly, carefully watching the Team Lustrous members.

“Yeah we can’t just leave him here.” Jayden gritted his teeth, tensing up as the woman approached them.

Cyndaquil jumped in between her and Jayden, her fire burning brightly. Laughing a little, the woman stepped around Cyndaquil, grabbing Jayden by the face, pulling him away from his friends. Unleashing a barrage of fireballs, Cyndaquil jumped at the woman. To her surprise, and dismay, the woman pulled Jayden in front of her, the fireballs hitting him in the back. The boy let out a scream of pain, his legs giving out. The woman grabbed his face once more, this time looking at him closely.

“Just as I thought,” she said.

“What is it Doris?” one of the men asked.

“This is Lillian’s boy,” Doris announced. “He looks just like her.”

Picking him up by the face, the woman named Doris tossed Jayden back to his friends like a rag doll, hardly exerting any strength. Scrambling to his feet, Jayden rubbed his face, slight red marks on it. Cyndaquil rubbed her head against his legs, whining a bit in an attempt to apologize for hitting him.

“I can’t have you hurt Cyndaquil. Sit this one out.” Recalling his starter, Jayden pulled out another Poké Ball, gripping it tightly. Soon, Kaylie and Lorin followed suit, deciding that their current Pokémon needed to rest. “The only choice we have is to fight. If we stick together than we can make it!”

“Don’t go makin’ death wishes boyo,” a voice said from behind them.

In the street not too far from them stood an old man with a wooden cane in his hand. He had the largest smile on his face, his gold tooth shining in the sunlight. Behind him were nine other figures, the rays of sunlight distorting their features. They were all clad in grey blazers, minus one of them. The one in different attire rushed forward, an orb like object in hand. When they got close enough, Kaylie’s face lit up.

“It’s Hope!” she yelled as the girl skidded to a stop in front of the circle Team Lustrous had formed.

“Just you wait guys,” Hope told them. “I’m going to get you out of this mess and then we can save my brother!”

“Not just you girly,” the old man said. “You have CLOUD’s Nine backing you.”

“What has Team Lustrous done to deserve so much attention?” Doris asked, chuckling as she backed up. “First the Black Organization, then these children, and now CLOUD. I knew we were popular but this…”

“Team Lustrous, you have taken my brother Sam against his will and I’m here to tell you to release him!” Hope demanded.

“You mean Sam Prescott?” the man from earlier asked. “You reckon that we made ‘im come against his will?”

“That’s not how Team Lustrous works,” another woman said, laughing hysterically.

“You either want to join us or we blow you off the map,” Doris explained. “We approached Sam about joining us and let’s just say that he’s still walking this Earth.”

A look of terror took over Hope’s face, her once defiant and ambitious nature vanishing into thin air. Her arm fell to her side, the Poké Ball falling to the ground. “He wouldn’t…he’s not like that…YOU’RE LYING!”

“I’m not a liar,” Doris told her, shaking her head. “Your brother joined us of his own accord. He saw that we were going to be able to show him things he’d never have known if he stayed a simple researcher.”

Falling to her knees, tears came to Hope’s eyes. Her worst fear had been realized. The goal that she was dead set on accomplishing was a lie. Now she had nothing…now she was nothing…

“Get up Hope!” Jayden shouted. “Even if your brother did join with these guys we still have to stop them! They’ve hurt you, Lorin, Kaylie, me, and countless other people! We can’t just let them get away with that! Stand up and fight!”

Jayden’s words reverberated inside Hope’s head, shaking her feeling of uselessness off. Jumping back to her feet, Hope grabbed her Poké Ball and launched it, tears of sadness flowing out of her eyes. Empoleon emerged from the ball, roaring as he landed on the ground.

“That little girl has an Empoleon,” the man with a tooth pick said. “I wonder if she even knows how to handle a beast like that.”

“Now’s not the time Phil. It’s time to initiate the plan,” Doris said, enlarging a Poké Ball. “Let the light envelop this city!”

Each one of the Team Lustrous members drew a bright white Poké Ball tossing them into the air. Light spilled out of them, forming an assortment of creatures. One resembled a large grey dog while another appeared as a small black fox. Jayden launched his Poké Ball forward, Pidegeotto bursting from the light. Out from Kaylie’s Poké Ball came her Aipom while Lorin released a small pink sheep.

“It’s begun,” the old man whispered as he and the other eight from CLOUD drew their own Poké Balls. “Let the war begin…”

Aura Master
31st December 2012, 6:02 AM
Last time I was on this website, you were halfway done with Pokemon Academy.......Now you are halfway done with a new one. Haha. Anyway, sorry for the late review but I decided to visit Serebii again today for the first time in.... like a year. Looked for Academy and saw it was finished XD.

But I'm glad you took the ole journey fan fiction road. These are my favorites but nobody hardly ever does them anymore. I remember reading that "Sinnoh Adventure" story you had a long time ago and I gotta say, I remember that it was one of my favorites. Good to see you put out another journey fic. I was expecting the opposing organization and was curious to see what you had come up with, concerning the enemy side. I havent gotten to read every bit of this since today is my first time seeing this, but I thought id throw in some support.

I read the first few chapters, and I gotta say I really liked it. There is something about well written journey fics (with the plot twist) that really gets me hooked. I like Jayden and the fact that he cannot figure out what he wants to do with his life. I can totally relate. I am almost 17 and I'm still making some last decisions of what I am going to be doing after highschool. You have a nice and large character line up that keeps everything more interesting.

I really like the relationship Jayden and Kaylie have together. I thought it was a bit rushed, out of nowhere and cheesy. But they are young, and I can EASILY see where that fits in their age. I think you said in a response to a reviewer somewhere "they are just exploring interests", which makes perfect sense.

Im gonna keep this review short because I really cant review 23 chapters at once so I'm just gonna get caught up with my reading and the come back after future chapters. If you ever decide on a pm list/vm list, go ahead and put me on it. Wish you the best of luck. Just wanted to give you some support! and maybe a thread bump:3

Shadow Lucario
31st December 2012, 8:47 AM
Aura Master, you have made my absolutely horrible day better in two ways; the first is that you are back after such a long absence. It's good to see friends from the days of old pop up again. The second is you liked my fan fiction. After three chapters and no responses, I thought I had lost my touch, but here I am just checking Serebii and I see my fan fiction in my subscribed threads that has a new post. I was ecstatic. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. I don't know exactly where you're at so I won't go in to details, but you can trust me when I say it gets better as you go on. The beginning felt kinda goofy to me, but once the plot really picked up I feel that the quality of the story did as well. I thank you Aura Master and you are now added to the PM list.

Chapter
31st December 2012, 6:06 PM
“You mean Sam Prescott?” the man from earlier asked. “You reckon that we made ‘im come against his will?”

I think you meant 'em.

Trying to catch up and review this fic too, cause you're a great reviewer on mine and my friend's fics. I like it so far, but have not caught up entirely yet. I'm on chapter 18. Good luck with this, and I am excited for the next chapters!

Shadow Lucario
1st January 2013, 12:51 AM
I think you meant 'em.

Trying to catch up and review this fic too, cause you're a great reviewer on mine and my friend's fics. I like it so far, but have not caught up entirely yet. I'm on chapter 18. Good luck with this, and I am excited for the next chapters!

Many thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying it. And I meant 'im. It's the dialect he speaks in. The h's are dropped. I'll keep that in mind though.

Sidewinder
1st January 2013, 11:44 PM
Hey buddy, sorry I haven't responded in so long. Been hammered by family holiday stuff and kinda disinterested in fic stuff, even my own. However, I'm back to my usualy mindset and I'm excited to see what's happened since the last time I was here. I should be able to get back to reviewing regularly now. Sorry it took me so long.


“Her brother infiltrated Team Lustrous before,” Jayden quickly finished, lying for her

I feel like that sentence would work a bit better if you put something along the lines of ,"Jayden quickly lied...I feel like it just kinda moves smoother


“Around Ecruteak there were a few Task Force members,” Jayden explained. “They couldn’t say much, but they let me know that the Task Force had been present in Johto for quite some time, carefully watching the Black Organization.”

Surprisingly clever for Jayden. In no way is he dumb, I've never thought he was. But this air of confidence he's been steady developing has been quite pleasent and you've built it up nicely over the last few chapters.


No one has carried empty Poké Balls on their waist for over fifty years.

That confused me slightly. Care to elaborate?


In the downtown district of West City was a large dome. Thunderous roars of applause erupted from the open top. Lines in front of the entrance stretched as far as three blocks, each person buzzing with excitement. Inside the dome was a large battlefield, appearing exactly the same as the ones located in the gyms. The spectator stands surrounded the field, going up to fourteen rows. A large screen hung over the middle of the arena, projecting the field so anyone high up could witness the battle.

This is a situation where you would benefit greatly from a little more description. I get the picture you're trying to convey, and it sits in my mind like a half-finished sculpture. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in a rude way at all, so don't take it that way; but you have a real opportunity here to make it more than just a battleground, or sports complex. You have the opportunity to make it real. You dig?


“With just one attack Raticate has her world rocked by Empoleon!” the announcer commented, saliva now almost covering his hand. “How can Serena get past this powerhouse?!”

Nicely done on that one. Sounds like something a real commentator would say


Tossing it into the air, the ball cracked opening,

Opened


“It’s begun,” the old man whispered as he and the other eight from CLOUD drew their own Poké Balls. “Let the war begin…”

Hmm, cranking it up a notch. I like it :)

The most enjoyable part to me was the battle with the Taurous. I salute your inventiveness with the pain tolerance idea, and to be honest I've never thought of that or seen it before; so kudos to you on that. Other than a few missed chances for some description, I enjoyed myself and am confident that you'll find your way through it. CLOUD getting involved really up's my excitement level and I'm really excited for the next chapter. Good job

Shadow Lucario
2nd January 2013, 5:22 AM
Hey buddy, sorry I haven't responded in so long. Been hammered by family holiday stuff and kinda disinterested in fic stuff, even my own. However, I'm back to my usualy mindset and I'm excited to see what's happened since the last time I was here. I should be able to get back to reviewing regularly now. Sorry it took me so long.

No worries man! I understand all too well. I'm just glad you're still reading.



That confused me slightly. Care to elaborate?

Just a way for me to say the events of the anime took place a loooong time ago. :P Nothing too serious.

Shadow Lucario
8th January 2013, 7:45 AM
Hey guys. New chapter finally. This was probably one of the toughest chapters for me to write probably due to all the characters that are present. I tried my hardest to make it work and I hope I did a good job. Here's chapter 23! Why haven't Jayden/Kaylie been nominated in the Fan Fiction Awards?

Chapter 23: The Dark Day

A large pillar of light shot up into the sky, its brilliance shining across the city. All the shadows instantly vanished, light rushing through alleyways and backstreets. Far off in the distance, Doris began to cackle, her head reeling back. She pushed her hood down to reveal short black hair, nearly as short as Jayden’s.

“That’s the signal of Team Lustrous’ victory,” Doris explained, pointing at the light. “It means that the city is now under our control.”

“Why are you people doing this?!” Jayden asked, gritting his teeth.

“You children don’t understand anything,” Phil said as he shook his head. “This city is one of the most populated cities in the Johto region. If we can wipe out this one then no other city has a chance.”

“So you want to destroy your own country?!” Kaylie said, taken aback.

Doris approached Kaylie slowly, a smile on her face. The girl backed up once she got near, but the woman grabbed her, pulling her close. Jayden’s grip tightened on another Poké Ball as he raised his arm. Aipom placed his hand in front of Jayden, stopping him from interfering. Doris simply looked Kaylie over, laughing slightly.

“Our country, you say?” Doris asked. “This country has done nothing for us but cause us strife. We joined with Aeolus because he showed us the light. We must destroy the oppressors that refuse to see our light and anyone who wrongs us.”

“What is this light that you people keep talking about?!” shouted Jayden. “All I ever see you guys do is wreak havoc! You commit crimes and hurt people! This can’t be light! Light is supposed to be good, benevolent!”

“Foolish boy!” Doris spat at him. “The light isn’t something that acts for just one group of people. Even if you must dirty your hands, you must do what you need to survive.”

“Enough talk!” Phil shouted. “Mightyena, smash them!”

The large grey hound bounded towards Kaylie, his mouth wide open. Just in the nick of time, Aipom slammed the hand at the end of his tail into the dog’s face. Mightyena was sent spiraling into a large pile of rubble, crashing through it. Shaking the dust off, Mightyena let out a howl before dashing back towards Aipom.

“Umbreon,” Doris called, “show them Quick Attack.”

“Pidgeotto, stop that Umbreon with Wing Attack!” Jayden commanded.

In the blink of an eye, Umbreon appeared next to Aipom, the purple monkey hardly noticing the fox’s presence. Diving down towards the two, Pidgeotto folded his wings in, slightly picking up speed.

“Iron Tail, now!” Doris shouted.

Before Pidgeotto could reach them, Umbreon nailed Aipom with his glowing tail, pushing Aipom in Mightyena’s direction. The dog opened his mouth once more and bit down on Aipom’s midsection, the small monkey letting out a painful scream. With a quick toss, Mightyena threw Aipom into Pidgeotto, knocking the latter out of the air. Umbreon jumped above them, his tail glowing once more. The Dark type perfectly executed a front flip, using the momentum to bring more force down on Aipom and Pidgeotto. The small pink sheep Lorin released jumped in between Umbreon and the grounded Pokémon, a small green force field appearing around her. Umbreon’s tail collided with the field, a loud crash sounding. Flipping back to his trainer, Umbreon smirked, knowing they had the upper hand.

“Pidgeotto, come back here,” Jayden called.

The bird Pokémon stood, shaking himself furiously. With a fierce look in his eye, Pidgeotto took off again, racing towards Umbreon. With a flap of his wing, Pidgeotto launched a small tornado towards Umbreon. Jumping to the side, the small fox easily avoided the tornado. As he turned back to face the Flying type, a shadow came over him, Pidgeotto’s talons in his face. With a quick slash, Pidgeotto cut Umbreon across the muzzle, the latter stumbling backwards.

“Empoleon get in there!” Hope shouted, pointing towards Umbreon. “Hit them with Hydro Pump!”

Dashing forward, Empoleon raced towards the Dark Pokémon, an angry look in his eye. Umbreon quickly turned, snarling at the approaching Water type. A large ball of black energy began to form in Umbreon’s mouth, becoming the size of a large beach ball. The ball launched out of Umbreon’s mouth and rocketed towards Empoleon. Drawing in a deep breath, Empoleon released a large stream of water. The pressure behind the water pushed the energy ball back, crashing into Umbreon.

The small fox slid on the ground back to his trainer before rolling back onto his feet. Shaking all the water off, Umbreon stared Empoleon down, becoming uninterested in Pidgeotto. Flying in, Pidgeotto waved his wing towards Umbreon’s back. The Dark type disappeared in an instant, reappearing behind Pidgeotto. With a quick flip, Umbreon slammed his glowing tail into the bird, knocking him back to the ground.

“What?!” Jayden exclaimed.

“You think Umbreon has been serious at all?” Doris asked with a chuckle. “Oh no; he’s been testing you and you’ve failed. Now let’s see how your friend can do.”

“Mightyena, eat them whole!” Phil yelled.

“Aipom, stop him with Iron Tail!” Kaylie shouted.

Aipom jumped at the hound, his tail glowing. Swinging it around, the hand at the end bashed Mightyena in the face. The dog smirked, seemingly taking no damage from the attack. With a quick chomp, Aipom’s tail was in Mightyena’s mouth. The monkey screamed out in pain as he was slammed into the ground. Keeping a grip on Aipom, Mightyena jumped into the air, letting the Normal type go as he reached the peak of his jump at about ten feet. Just before Aipom hit the ground, the hound slammed his body into the monkey’s, sending Aipom crashing into a fallen building. No movement was seen from Aipom’s direction as a small cloud of smoke cleared.

“Aipom, no!” Kaylie cried.

“Empoleon, Hydro Pump!” Hope shouted.

With a deep breath, Empoleon dashed towards Umbreon, the latter crouching low. Empoleon swung one of his fins at Umbreon, but the fox was too quick. He swiftly jumped to the side, executing a barrel roll. The Water type turned his head and opened his beak, water rocketing out and slamming Umbreon into the ground. Skidding to a stop, Empoleon made his way back towards Umbreon who jumped back to his feet as soon as he hit the ground. The tip of Empoleon’s fin began to glow as the penguin began to slash at Umbreon, each attack barely missing.

“Shadow Ball,” Doris commanded.

With his back to a wall, Umbreon quickly charged a ball of black energy. Just before he could launch it, Empoleon slashed him in the side, pushing him through the concrete. Slightly coughing, Umbreon attempted to stand, struggling to get to his feet. With a look of determination, Umbreon sprinted back towards Empoleon, slamming his body into the penguin. The tackle moved Empoleon a few inches, hardly hurting him. Another quick swing sent Umbreon flipping backwards, landing on the ground with a thud.

“Umbreon!” Doris shouted. “Get up! We can’t lose here!”

“You got cocky and took too much damage battling the others,” Hope said, a smirk on her face. “It’s over.”

“Hit Mightyena with Thunderbolt!” Lorin yelled.

His small pink sheep jumped forward, her wool flashing yellow. A bolt of lightning shot out of her wool, hitting Mightyena head on. Small waves of electricity covered Mightyena’s body as the hound shook slightly. Growling at the sheep, Mightyena bared his teeth before dashing towards her.

“Flaaffy, show him your Iron Tail!” Lorin commanded.

With her tail glowing, Flaaffy waited until Mightyena was only inches in front of her. A quick spin slammed her tail into his jaw; the same exact spot Aipom had hit him. The dog was sent spiraling into a collapsed building, jumping out soon after.

“Does that thing not know how to stay down?!” Lorin exclaimed.

“My Mightyena does not know what defeat is and will not accept anything that is not victory,” Phil told him, laughing a bit. “There’s no way you can beat me. Give in now, kid.”

“Try a Fire Punch!” Lorin told her.

Mightyena raced towards Flaaffy, a menacing look in his eye. Readying herself, Flaaffy drew her fist back as it caught fire, waiting on the right moment to strike. Just as before, Flaaffy waited until Mightyena was inches away. Throwing her punch, Flaaffy closed her eyes, but to her surprise she hit nothing. Opening her eyes, Flaaffy saw Mightyena under her arm, mouth open.

“Fire Fang!” Phil yelled.

Every one of Mightyena’s teeth became engulfed in flames, the heat focused on Flaaffy’s midsection. At the very last second, Flaaffy attempted to jump back, but Mightyena took hold, shaking the Electric type all over the place. With a toss, Mightyena launched Flaaffy into the air.

“Finish it with Giga Impact!” Phil shouted.

As Flaaffy fell, Mightyena watched, waiting for the sheep to near the ground. Jumping above her, a purple sphere appeared around him as the hound fell on top of Flaaffy. The two Pokémon crashed into the ground making debris and dust clouds fill the air. Flaaffy rolled out of the dust, holding her side, struggling to get to her feet.

“Flaaffy!” Lorin cried.

Pulling out her Poké Ball, Lorin tried to recall her, but the dust made it difficult for him to aim the ball. When he finally got a good view of his Pokémon, a small rock blocked the red beam as it shot out. Before he could attempt it again, Mightyena jumped out of the small hole that was created, slightly panting. Flaaffy fell to her side, inching her way back to Lorin.

“I’ve got you Flaaffy!” Lorin called as he ran to his Pokémon.

Just as he reached her, he felt a pressure around his neck. His eyes traveled downwards to see Phil’s large arm, clotheslining him. The wind was knocked out of him as he fell to the ground. Phil placed his foot on the red haired teen’s chest, chuckling as he looked down.

“This is our power,” said Phil, a smile on his face. “You can’t beat us kid. Your pal and his little gal will learn that soon too. Doris will tear ‘im apart.”

“No!” Lorin gasped, struggling under the man’s boot.

“I can’t ‘ave you causin’ us trouble.”

From his sleeve, Phil pulled out a lead pipe, a malicious grin slowly drawing itself across his face. Tears formed in Lorin’s eyes as he desperately struggled to free himself. The Team Lustrous officer gave him a quick kick to the side before raising the pipe above his head.

“That’s one down,” Phil said. Laughing loudly, a dull thud soon followed. Red stained the concrete as blood spilled across it.

Chapter
13th January 2013, 4:34 AM
This is really amazing. I feel myself attach to the characters as the story goes on, and makes me want to keep reading. The idea that there will be more of this pure gold reinforces my want to read! I looooveeeeee this story! The description is incredible!

“That’s the signal of Team Lustrous’ victory,” Doris explained, pointing at the light. “It means that the city is now under our control.”

Every line is more important than the last.

“That’s one down,” Phil said. Laughing loudly, a dull thud soon followed. Red stained the concrete as blood spilled across it.
Perfect! I can't wait for the next chapter!

fixthe_fernback
14th January 2013, 12:31 AM
I just finished chapter 19. I have to say this story is moving a really great direction and is continuously getting better, chapter by chapter. I'll work on getting through the other chapters through out the week. Hopefully I'll be caught up before the next chapter is posted.

Sidewinder
14th January 2013, 6:50 AM
Sorry it took me awhile, buddy


“That’s the signal of Team Lustrous’ victory,” Doris explained, pointing at the light. “It means that the city is now under our control.”

Pretty inventive there. Goes well with 'Lustrous lol. Nicely done


All I ever see you guys do is wreak havoc! You commit crimes and hurt people! This can’t be light! Light is supposed to be good, benevolent!”

You're getting your point across, but for some reason I think that it comes off a bit too dramatic. Too much hero, if that makes sense. I know this is something that Jayden feel strongly about (and rightfully so), but it just read weird to me


The dog opened his mouth once more and bit down on Aipom’s midsection, the small monkey letting out a painful scream

Good, vivid imagery there. One question though, do actual animals exist in your approximation of the Pokemon world? or is the 'dog' classification just a genre of bipedal dog-like Pokemon. I feel like you haven't mentioned it one way or the other so I wanted to ask.


With a flap of his wing, Pidgeotto launched a small tornado towards Umbreon.

Like I said in the last chapter, description could make a passage like this even more real. Describe the effect the minuscule tornado had on the ground around it, the humans nearby, etc. I can envision a small tornado easily, but I would like to see you describe it a bit more. Cool?


With a fierce look in his eye, Pidgeotto took off again,


Empoleon raced towards the Dark Pokémon, an angry look in his eye.

That's twice you used in the eye pretty quickly. Be observant of stuff like that :)


Mightyena raced towards Flaaffy, a menacing look in his eye.

There it is again


Doris will tear ‘im apart.”

Why is that last portion in apostrophes then quotations?


Red stained the concrete as blood spilled across it.

Nicely done with that last line, gave me some chills. Really solid imagery there

All in all, you did a good job with the chapter (though, you'd be hard pressed to find write a chapter I don't like haha). The only things I would say would be beware of repeating yourself, like with the 'eyes' bits, and take the time to hammer in a little more description. You're chapters are a decent length, hell, they could even be longer; so taking a little more time for description would help greatly. As always, I'm floored for the next chapter :)

Shadow Lucario
14th January 2013, 7:18 AM
This is really amazing. I feel myself attach to the characters as the story goes on, and makes me want to keep reading. The idea that there will be more of this pure gold reinforces my want to read! I looooveeeeee this story! The description is incredible!

Every line is more important than the last.

Perfect! I can't wait for the next chapter!

Many thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Next chapter is being written as we type and I hope it's of the same quality. I feel that this chapter and the next connect in a way more than just taking place in the same day. You'll see what I mean.


I just finished chapter 19. I have to say this story is moving a really great direction and is continuously getting better, chapter by chapter. I'll work on getting through the other chapters through out the week. Hopefully I'll be caught up before the next chapter is posted.

No worries man. As I told you before, catch up at your own pace. I'm just happy that you're reading and enjoying it. You're nearly there and I think the rest is ~20 pages and that's a very large exaggeration. Not that much longer until you're caught up.


Sorry it took me awhile, buddy

Dude, give yourself credit. It was only about a week. :P That's relatively fast for the internet.


Pretty inventive there. Goes well with 'Lustrous lol. Nicely done

So you see what I did there? ;D


You're getting your point across, but for some reason I think that it comes off a bit too dramatic. Too much hero, if that makes sense. I know this is something that Jayden feel strongly about (and rightfully so), but it just read weird to me

I tried to tell Jayden to cut it out, but he doesn't listen to me anymore. Damn teenagers.


Good, vivid imagery there. One question though, do actual animals exist in your approximation of the Pokemon world? or is the 'dog' classification just a genre of bipedal dog-like Pokemon. I feel like you haven't mentioned it one way or the other so I wanted to ask.

The way I see it, the narrator is someone from our world informing us of the events going on in their world. So to better give the audience a picture of what's going on, the narrator uses things that will easily generate a picture. I think the narrator is female...Yeah.


Like I said in the last chapter, description could make a passage like this even more real. Describe the effect the minuscule tornado had on the ground around it, the humans nearby, etc. I can envision a small tornado easily, but I would like to see you describe it a bit more. Cool?


Gah! I failed you again! Won't let it continue captain!



That's twice you used in the eye pretty quickly. Be observant of stuff like that :)


See above. DX



There it is again


I think I may have a problem. O_O



Why is that last portion in apostrophes then quotations?

Since he drops the 'H' at the beginning of a word it would be improper to leave it as im. It's just like dropping the 'G' at the end of a word. Gunnin'. The apostrophe is only for 'im.



Nicely done with that last line, gave me some chills. Really solid imagery there

All in all, you did a good job with the chapter (though, you'd be hard pressed to find write a chapter I don't like haha). The only things I would say would be beware of repeating yourself, like with the 'eyes' bits, and take the time to hammer in a little more description. You're chapters are a decent length, hell, they could even be longer; so taking a little more time for description would help greatly. As always, I'm floored for the next chapter :)

Glad I could please. :) Just a quick heads up, I'm working on a one-shot that will act as a prequel to Hero's Bond. It will be a three part series that will tell three different narratives. So be on the lookout for those. Until next time.

Chapter
14th January 2013, 9:43 PM
Hey. Again. Sorry, these might go backwards or randomly through the story as I double-check.


Just as he reached her, he felt a pressure around his neck. His eyes traveled downwards to see Phil’s large arm, clotheslining him. The wind was knocked out of him as he fell to the ground. Phil placed his foot on the red haired teen’s chest, chuckling as he looked down.
Shouldn't this be hyphened? Red is acting as an adjective to the word, "haired."

“Iron Tail now!” Doris shouted.
Should be, -"Iron Tail, now!" Doris shouted.- Forgot the comma.

“Our country you say?” Doris asked.
-"Our country, you say?" Doris asked.- Again.

That's all I've got pretty much. People said a ton, and I didn't read them so thoroughly, so I'm hoping I didn't repeat anything. LOL. I love it so far though!

Shadow Lucario
15th January 2013, 10:27 PM
Hey. Again. Sorry, these might go backwards or randomly through the story as I double-check.


Shouldn't this be hyphened? Red is acting as an adjective to the word, "haired."

Should be, -"Iron Tail, now!" Doris shouted.- Forgot the comma.

-"Our country, you say?" Doris asked.- Again.

That's all I've got pretty much. People said a ton, and I didn't read them so thoroughly, so I'm hoping I didn't repeat anything. LOL. I love it so far though!

No, I enjoy your input. Thanks for the corrections. Editing them in now.

fixthe_fernback
17th January 2013, 1:54 AM
Wow. Just read chapter 23 and that final scene. Spectacular work, man, first-rate. I have to say though, if this is the end for Lorin, it feels a bit premature. I don't feel like we got to know him as well as we do the rest of the cast. On the other hand, if he pulls through, this could be the perfect opportunity to give a bit more backstory on him, maybe flesh out his personality more?

Regardless, it was a great chapter. I didn't see much in the way of grammar issues, however there were a few times where I feel like some sentences didn't flow very well. I don't remember anything specific though, just being distracted, so it's not a big deal.

Looking forward to the next chapter, SL!

5221A
19th January 2013, 11:07 PM
Hi .Sorry for not responding to the chapters, I was on vacation and I was to lazy to respond from my phone. But yeah I'm back.
On chapter 20 this caught my eye:

Shaking it off, the Dark type slammed his tail on the ground. Taking off, Noctowl flew up, rocketing towards Tyranitar. This just didn't flow well in my opinion. Maybe a paragraph after "slammed his tail on the ground." or maybe it was the "flew up,", they were inside a Pokemon center after all, and taking off already gives the idea of flying.
I think this flows better:

Shaking it off, the Dark type slammed his tail on the ground.

Taking off, Noctowl rocketed towards Tyranitar. But that isn't something big, just me being a bit picky.
And on chapter 21 another small part that felt weird:

“I need to go and rescue him from Team Lustrous!”
That was something a little unnatural to say, more of something that a childhood friend from the games would say. It was common knowledge that she wants to "rescue" him from Team Lustrous. But no need to think about changing that, again just me being picky.
I am on chapter 23 right now but the past 3 chapters were great and well done I saw no spelling errors and really like the way that the battles of chapter 22 flowed, despite the way that they overcame Tyranitar was a little old, but the Noctowl attacking him directly was new. I was also very surprised when it was revealed that Hope has a Empoleon, I always thought she was one of those characters that have no potential at battling at all. As always nice description and plot. I will read chapter 23 by the end of today, but I probable won't review it to avoid double posting.
Just asking if I am still on the PM list if not can you put me back on it. Thanks.
EDIT: Changed my mind I'll just post this comment on something strange I found:

The dog smirked,
I din't know dogs could smirk. But I liked the chapter a little short but I'm cool with that.
Waiting for more. I'm out

Shadow Lucario
7th March 2013, 10:45 AM
Finally! The conclusion to the Third Faction arc is here! This chapter also marks the end of the small scuffle with Team Lustrous. Speaking of, don't forget to check out Before the Bond (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?599736-Before-the-Bond-PG-15-(One-shot)). It tells the story of Alexander before he became the second in command of Team Lustrous. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 24: Parting the Clouds

Pulling out a cigarette, Doris quickly lit it before taking a long drag, exhaling a large cloud of smoke. Her Umbreon slowly stood, his legs quivering as he gritted his teeth, throwing a nasty look in Empoleon’s direction.

“Umbreon, continuously use Moonlight,” Doris commanded. “The sun is nearly down so the slowly rising moon should heal you enough to continue and end this battle.”

Hope instantly looked up, seeing a faint moon hanging in the sky. It was hard to make out entirely in the orange horizon, but it was apparent that the rock was there. Raising his head, lights began to surround Umbreon, all of his wounds slowly vanishing.

“Empoleon, stop him with Metal Claw!” Hope shouted.

“Combine Moonlight with Agility,” Doris said, after taking another long drag of her cigarette.

With a smirk, Umbreon vanished, reappearing behind Empoleon. The penguin turned on his heels, swiping at the small fox, but his fin hit the ground. Umbreon once again reappeared behind Empoleon, even more light surrounding the Dark type. Puffing out his chest, Empoleon started to swing at Umbreon, but quickly slashed behind him as the latter vanished. A loud crack sounded as Empoleon’s fin slammed into Umbreon’s jaw, sending Umbreon reeling to the side.

“Now, Hydro Pump!” Hope yelled.

Umbreon shook his head, the lights around him vanishing. With a snarl, his tail began to glow as he dashed back towards Empoleon. The Water type took in a deep breath, releasing a large stream of water. With a quick side step, Umbreon narrowly avoided the water. Flipping over the stream, Umbreon’s tail nailed Empoleon in the face, the larger Pokémon stumbling backwards.

“Don’t stop your assault!” Doris shouted. “Faint Attack!”

Slowly disappearing into the air, Umbreon once again reappeared behind Empoleon, tackling him in the back. Before the Water type could react, Umbreon appeared in front of him, crashing into him again. The process repeated a few times before Empoleon fell to one knee, breathing heavily. Umbreon began to circle Empoleon, lights beginning to appear on the Dark type’s body.

“Empoleon, no…” Hope whispered. “We have to…we have to save him…”

“Like I told you before, he joined us of his own free will,” Doris told her, flicking her cigarette on the ground after one final drag. “He doesn’t want to be saved. Your brother enjoys what Team Lustrous can offer. Umbreon, end that oversized bird with Dark Pulse.”

A malicious smile appeared on Umbreon’s face as Empoleon struggled to stand. Memories of Sam ran through Empoleon’s head, reminding him of how happy Hope was back then. Hope let out a cry as she fell to the ground, tears rolling down her face. Empoleon quickly looked over. Seeing his trainer weep started a fire in his gut, slowly building up. Umbreon’s cackles fueled the fire, finally pushing Empoleon over the edge. The small fox fired a beam of purple rings from his mouth, aiming for Empoleon’s head. Letting out an ear-splitting roar, Empoleon jumped to his feet. His fins began to glow as he split the beam in half.

“Why are you so much trouble?!” Doris yelled. “Go down and stay down!”

A slight blue aura began to radiate off of Empoleon, a fierce look in his eye. With much more speed than he showed before, Empoleon appeared right beside Umbreon just as the latter had done before. Looking up, Hope wiped her tears away, amazed at Empoleon’s determination. With a quick downward swing, Empoleon slammed Umbreon into the ground, crushing the Dark type. Retreating back to his trainer’s side, the Water type placed a wing on her back. Looking into her Pokémon’s eyes, Hope stood, tears staining her face.

“Empoleon…” she whispered. “…thank you.”

“Umbreon, no matter how strong that Empoleon’s willpower is, his body can’t keep battling like this,” Doris explained. “Wear it down and strike the final blow.”

Umbreon nodded, crouching low. Empoleon glared at Doris as the woman lit another cigarette. The edge of Empoleon’s wings began to glow. Pointing one at Umbreon, Empoleon let out another roar that caused Umbreon to flinch slightly. Dashing forward, Empoleon began to furiously swing at the Dark type, each one missing by inches. In an instant, Umbreon’s tail began to glow as he slammed it into Empoleon’s side when the latter pulled his wings up for another swing. Saliva spilled out of the Water type’s mouth, instinctively grabbing for the spot that had been hit. Opening his mouth, Umbreon released another beam of purple rings which connected this time, sending Empoleon reeling back, landing on the ground with a loud thud.

“Empoleon!” Hope cried, tears welling up in her eyes once more.

“Keep using Dark Pulse,” Doris commanded, little to no emotion in her voice.

One after another, Umbreon fired beam after beam at Empoleon, a cry of pain coming from the penguin each time one hit. Hope tried to jump in front of her friend, but she tripped over her own feet, falling to the ground, unable to shield Empoleon. Umbreon stopped firing to see Empoleon barely moving. With a smirk, the Dark type charged up one final beam, launching it much faster than any other. Empoleon lifted his head to see the beam approaching him. With a smile, Empoleon accepted his fate, his only regret being that he couldn’t protect Hope and Sam. Closing his eyes, the Water type waited for the pain, but it never came. Reopening them, he saw Jayden standing in between him and Umbreon. Jayden’s arms were held up in front of him, blood dripping from the forearms.

“You battle me now!” Jayden declared, drawing a Poké Ball.

“Outta the way old man,” one of the men in white shouted.

“Now then boyo, is that any way to speak to an elder?” the old man asked, wheezing out a laugh.

“No matter who you are, you’ll be toast in a second! Claire and I will mop the floor with you!”

“Why do you always involve me in your plans, Trent?” a woman asked, walking to Trent’s side. Her uniform complimented her figure, leaving very little to the imagination. A long blonde bang hung in front of her right eye, the green color still visible through some strands.

“Heracross, time to fight!” Trent shouted as he tossed a Poké Ball.

Bursting from the light, a large beetle appeared. Its most noticeable feature was the large horn that protruded from its head. Opening the back of its exoskeleton, Heracross revealed two large wings, flapping them furiously, showing he was ready for battle.

“Houndoom, enter the field!” yelled Claire, throwing her own Poké Ball.

The light from her ball took the shape of a large canine Pokémon. It had sleek black fur and two large, curled horns. Snarling at the old man, Houndoom showed off his razor sharp fangs, his pointed tail slowly waving back and forth.

“Kean versus Claire and Trent?” the old man asked with a wheezing chuckle. “That’s hardly fair boyo. You’ll need more than that. Shatter, Blaziken!”

From underneath his cloak came a Poké Ball, releasing a tall humanoid Pokémon. The red color of its feathers seemed to shine, almost as if they were on fire. Beige colored feathers came down to the middle of its back, covering most of its chest. Flames appeared around Blaziken’s wrists as he readied himself, placing one hand in front of him.

“Heracross, Brick Break!” Trent ordered.

Heracross took off, flying towards Blaziken. The Bug type’s hand began to glow as he raised it. Both Kean and Blaziken chuckled. The Fire type grabbed Heracross’ hand, effectively stopping the attack. Heracross tried to pull back, but Blaziken’s grip was too strong.

“Flamethrower,” the old man calmly said.

“Houndoom, get in there and help Heracross,” shouted Claire. “Crunch attack!”

Flames appeared in Blaziken’s beak as he opened it. A hint of fear flashed across Heracross’ eye when he saw the fire. Jumping forward, Houndoom placed herself between Heracross and Blaziken, opening her mouth wide.

“Nice try love, but you’ll have to be faster than that!” Kean wheezed out, laughing hysterically. “Blaze Kick now!”

Just before Houndoom could grab hold, Blaziken’s flame enveloped foot cracked her in the side of the head, sending her reeling. At the same time, Blaziken released the flames, covering Heracross completely. The Bug type screamed in pain, falling to one knee.

“Show Houndoom a real Brick Break!” Kean shouted, still laughing slightly.

Just like Heracross before him, Blaziken’s hand began to glow. Houndoom lowered her head, waiting for Blaziken to approach her. Disappearing in a split second, Blaziken appeared behind Houndoom, his hand raised.

“Houndoom, jump forward!” Claire yelled.

With a forward leap, Houndoom narrowly avoided Blaziken. The Fire type’s fist cracked the concrete, creating a small hole. Breathing heavily, Heracross flew back towards Blaziken, throwing a series of punches. Blaziken only slightly stepped to the side, grabbing his arm on the last punch. Pulling his head back, Blaziken headbutted Heracross hard, sending him back towards Trent.

“Heracross no!” Trent yelled, running to his Pokémon’s side.

“Give up this fight,” Kean told them, his laughter stopping. His voice took on a much more serious tone, his eyebrows arching. “Leave this place and go home. You have families I’m sure. Go back to them and live your lives without worry of never seeing them again.”

“Don’t you look down on us!” snarled Trent, helping his Heracross up.

“Maybe we should retreat Trent…” Claire said, her voice slightly trembling. “This guy…he’s much stronger than I thought. There’s just no way we can win.”

“We can’t back down! Not now!” Trent clenched his fist tightly, his jaw tightening as well. “I won’t let Aeolus down! Never again!”

“Blaziken,” said Kean, turning to his Pokémon. “Now is the time to end it.”

“Lorin!” yelled Kaylie, running to his side. Kneeling down, Kaylie reached for him, but pulled her hand back.

“Flaaffy…saved me,” Lorin said, breathing heavily. He held his Pokémon close as she slept. “That man was about to kill me, but she used Protect in the nick of time to bounce the pipe back into him.”

Looking over at the large man, Kaylie noticed that he had been knocked unconscious, blood pooling around his head. Helping him up, Kaylie led Lorin back behind a crumbling building. She gritted her teeth as she continuously peaked around the corner.

“I…can’t do anything!” she cried, falling to her knees. Tears began streaming out of her eyes, breaking off her cheeks and hitting the cold stone. “Jayden and Hope are out there battling to protect us and I can’t even help!”

Lorin recalled Flaaffy, a sorrowful look on his face. One tear welled up in his eye, slowly trickling down his face. Wiping it quickly, he held out his hand in front of Kaylie.

“I believe we can help,” he told her. “We’ll just need to be the backup for now.”

Looking up at her friend, Kaylie took his hand, a small smile slowly appearing on her face. Taking a stand, she wiped her face on her sleeve.

“There you go sis,” a voice said from above them.

Both of the trainers quickly looked up to see Alexander sitting on the building, a smirk on his face. Shocked, Kaylie couldn’t think of what to say. Jumping from the roof, Alexander landed softly, his eyes closed.

“What do you want?” Lorin asked, quickly drawing a Poké Ball.

“I just wanted to see how my favorite sister was doing,” said Alexander, holding his hands in the air. “That and to tell this division that we’ve begun to move out.”

“Move out? What do you mean move out?” asked Kaylie.

“We’ve captured with this city,” Alexander told her, putting his back against the building. “The remaining units, which include the one that your friends are locked in battle with, are to move out and onto the next objective.”

“And what exactly is that?” Lorin asked, hostility in his voice.

“You may be my sister’s friend, but I owe a debt to Team Lustrous. I can’t just give you that information. You’ll have to find out yourselves.”

Before any more questions could be asked, Alexander walked out from behind the building and shouted to his fellow Team Lustrous members that they were to move onto the next phase of the plan. Beams of red light shot out, pulling various Pokémon back to their trainers. Trent ran over to Phil and dragged him off, recalling his Mightyena for him. Soon, all the Team Lustrous operatives vanished into the destroyed city, leaving no trace behind.

“No!” Jayden shouted, punching the ground.

“We’ll get them soon boyo,” Kean said, placing a hand on Jayden’s shoulder.

Hope fell to her knees, muttering something inaudible. Kaylie walked over to her and sat next to her, pulling Hope’s head onto her shoulder. Lorin picked up a rock and tossed it in a random direction.

“It’d be best if you left this city,” Piper told them, running to the small group. “Team Lustrous will be everywhere.”

“You’re right,” Jayden said. Once he stood, he looked over at Kaylie, noticing a small tear in her eye. Kaylie looked at Jayden as well, their eyes locking. He could read the expression on her face and knew exactly what she wanted to say. “Today…we lost. The next time we meet Team Lustrous, my Pokémon and I will be ten times stronger!”

“I’m with you buddy,” Lorin added.

“I won’t let them get away next time!” Hope suddenly shouted, standing on her own. “I’ll save my brother and take him back home!”

What about you Alexander? Kaylie thought, another tear coming to her eye. Can I save you?

Chapter
23rd March 2013, 3:57 PM
Very good. I really like the way the story is headed, but, not your best chapter.


Empoleon appeared right beside Umbreon just as the latter had done before.

In an instant, Umbreon’s tail began to glow as he slammed it into Empoleon’s side when the latter pulled his wings up for another swing.

I think you said it a third time... but if not, I'm just pointing out your usade of, "latter."


“Outta the way * old man,” one of the men in white shouted.


Because you address the old man as the old man, there should be a comma where I placed the asterisk.


I'll probably end up posting again some time... I always reread stuff so. Yeah. Great work so far!

~Chapter

Shadow Lucario
4th April 2013, 11:19 AM
Here we are at chapter 25. I mark this as just about the halfway point. I'm not going to say that for sure, but we'll see where the story takes us. Anyway, a nice relaxed chapter this time. Don't forget to drop a review once you've finished reading. Character bios will be updated soon! I've been neglecting those.


Chapter 25: Translucence

For the first time in months, silence reigned over Jayden, Hope, Kaylie, and Lorin as they walked. Solemn expressions were worn by all four. Smoke could be seen behind them, the destroyed West City lying in shambles. Gripping his bag tightly, Jayden stared at the ground, a feeling of uselessness coming over him.

I couldn’t do anything, Jayden thought. Team Lustrous is on a whole other level. I have to make it there. Then I’ll find out the truth.

Stopping in the middle of the path, Jayden looked up at the sky, a few bird Pokémon flying over them. Many clouds began to gather, the sky now a slight grey color. Kaylie stopped at his side while Hope and Lorin continued walking, not even looking at Jayden.

“Is something up Jay?” Kaylie asked, slightly worried.

“Nothing,” he replied. “I just want to be able to make a difference. I should have been able to protect you.”

Kaylie chuckled, patting Jayden on the arm. “I’m a big girl. I can protect myself. Besides, I can’t leave you by yourself. What would I do if you got hurt?”

Jayden smiled, placing his hand on Kaylie’s arm. Hope slightly turned her head, a smile on her face as well. Lorin scoffed, a slight smirk drawing itself across his mouth. Not too far down the road lay a small town, the buildings visible above the trees. A large tower stood out from the rest, the large window panes reflecting the small amount of sunlight that was peeking through the clouds. For some reason, Jayden couldn’t stop staring at it.

“What’s the name of this town?” asked Kaylie. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a town near West City.”

“I have no idea,” Hope replied.

“Well we’ll find out soon enough,” said Lorin, pointing to a small group of people that had been walking in the opposite direction.

As the group of strangers began to pass, Jayden stopped them, a smile on his face. “Hello there. Can you guys tell us what town this is up here?”

“That’s Cimmerian Town,” one of them answered. “I wouldn’t recommend staying though.”

“Why not?” Hope asked.

“Rumor has it this is the town that the Black Organization originated in,” another explained. “Along with that, strange things happen to any visiting trainers like losing your money and possessions.”

“It sucks because there is a Pokémon Gym here so it’s almost necessary to stop by if you want to compete in the Silver Conference,” the other added.

Kaylie’s eyes lit up. Once she heard the word ‘Gym’, she could only focus on anything pertaining to that subject.

“What type of Gym is it?” she asked, her eyes still sparkling.

“No idea,” the strangers said in unison.

“Well, thanks anyway,” Lorin told them before they parted ways.

Kaylie stared over at the town, slightly giggling. Warm feelings traveled up her spine the more she thought about the Gym. Not able to hold it in any longer, Kaylie tightened the straps on her backpack before pointing at the horizon.

“We’re going to that Gym,” she told her friends. “If I can win there, then I’ll have four badges.”

“I think we have more things to worry about,” said Jayden. “This might be the base of operations for the Black Organization.”

Waving off any warning presented, Kaylie began to run towards the town, her three friends barely behind her. Running straight through the town’s gate, the group of four noticed that there weren’t many people out on the street. One person walked by, giving the outsiders a cautious look. Scurrying into a nearby house, the resident slammed the door loudly, peeking through their curtains.

“People here don’t seem too friendly,” Lorin pointed out.

“I say we skip this Gym,” Jayden suggested. “I’m sure we’ll find another one somewhere along the way.”

“I have a feeling about this one though!” Kaylie shouted as she ran towards the towering structure in the distance.

With a sigh, Jayden ran after her. Both Lorin and Hope shrugged, heading towards the Pokémon Center instead of following their friends. Finally catching up to Kaylie, Jayden placed a hand on her shoulder, his breathing heavy.

“Why did you run off like that?” Jayden asked between pants.

“I’m excited to see what type of Gym this is. That and I knew you would follow me.” Kaylie stuck her tongue out at him, slightly giggling. “We haven’t gotten to talk by ourselves in a while and I wanted to know something.”

Raising an eyebrow, Jayden asked, “What do you want to know?”

“How you feel…y’know, about…me.”

Opening his mouth, Jayden began to think about what he was going to say. Still not sure of how the female mind worked; he knew one wrong word could send her in a downward spiral towards depression. He noticed that she began to bite her lip, nervously waiting for his response. A sudden idea popped into Jayden’s head.

“If you can beat me in a battle, I’ll tell you how I feel,” answered Jayden, a smile on his face.

“You want to battle me?” Kaylie asked, slightly surprised.

“Sure. It will be a little training exercise before the Gym. There seems to be a park not too far from here so we can go there.”

Nodding her head, Kaylie continued walking straight down the road. To her left, she could hear a water running. A large fountain came into view, spewing water into the air and back into itself. Small children ran up and down the grass fields, laughing and playing with either other children or Pokémon. Kaylie could feel her heart began to beat faster as she approached the fountain.

Calm down Kaylie, she thought. All I have to do is beat him in a small battle. Then he’ll tell me how he feels. What if it’s bad? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?

“We’ll make it one on one,” suggested Jayden as he placed his bag by the fountain. Taking a spot in the field, he began to stretch. “Twenty feet should make a good field.”

Taking a deep breath, Kaylie placed her bag by Jayden’s. Walking to a spot opposite him, she pulled out a Poké Ball, her expression becoming serious. “I won’t hold back then!”

Performing a short set of squats, Jayden pulled out his own Poké Ball. “I never expected you to.”

The air around them changed, a few people in the park taking notice of it. Some of the children ran over, curious as to what was happening. Both of the trainers launched their Poké Balls, white light spilling from both of them. On Kaylie’s side stood her Croconaw, his mouth wide open. Busting forward on Jayden’s side was Cyndaquil, her flame igniting instantly.

“Looks like you’ll have a type advantage this time,” Jayden said with a smile.

“That won’t have anything to do with me winning. Croconaw, start off with Water Gun!”

A smirk drew itself across Croconaw’s face as the Water type spewed a jet of water across the field at Cyndaquil. The latter quickly jumped to the side, easily dodging the attack. As a counter, Cyndaquil launched a barrage of fireballs at him. Croconaw simply held up his arm, blocking each of them.

“Croconaw, Bite!” shouted Kaylie.

Backing up, Cyndaquil eyed Croconaw as the evolved Pokémon began to dash at her. Opening his mouth wide, Croconaw took a bite at Cyndaquil, narrowly missing as the Fire type jumped into the air.

“Flame Wheel now!” Jayden yelled.

Croconaw looked up just in time to see Cyndaquil start to roll in the air. Flames appeared all around her body. The fire licked Croconaw’s face before he jumped away, falling to the ground. Shaking his head, singe marks appeared on Croconaw’s cheek, a smirk still on his face.

“Quick Attack!” Jayden ordered.

Before the Water type could react, Cyndaquil threw her body into his, knocking him back even further. The small group of children that had gathered to watch began to cheer on both of the Pokémon. Even their parents took notice of the battle, but only cheered in their head. Jumping back up, Croconaw waved to the crowd, giving a little bow.

“Now’s not the time, Croconaw!” Kaylie told him, slapping her hand onto her head. “Hit Cyndaquil with Slash!”

Blowing a kiss at the small audience, Croconaw dashed back into the battle. His claws began to glow as he swung at Cyndaquil, slashing her across the face. The Fire type was sent flying to the side, letting out a small scream of pain. Shaking the pain off, Cyndaquil sprinted at Croconaw, running in a zig zag fashion.

“Water Gun!” shouted Kaylie.

“Quick Attack!” Jayden yelled.

Croconaw waited until Cyndaquil was a few inches from him before opening his mouth, a jet of water shooting out. Using all her strength Cyndaquil jumped forward, head butting Croconaw in the gut, a few water droplets hitting her hind legs. The wind was instantly knocked out of Croconaw, sending him stumbling backwards.

“Croconaw, you can do it!” a child yelled from the side.

A smile appeared on Jayden’s face. A few more of the children began to cheer on Croconaw. Regaining his balance, Croconaw heard the cheers of the children smiled at them as a way of telling them he won’t let them down.

“All right, Croconaw, we can’t let them down!” Kaylie shouted. “Time to use Crunch!”

Just as he did before, Croconaw ran towards Cyndaquil with his mouth wide open. Carefully watching her opponent, Cyndaquil tried to read Croconaw’s movements.

“Jump out of the way Cyndaquil!” yelled Jayden.

Cyndaquil jumped to the side, but Croconaw anticipated this. Quickly taking a step to the side, Croconaw now stood in Cyndaquil’s way. The Water type clamped his mouth down hard around Cyndaquil. The small Pokémon let out a small scream, struggling to get free.

“Now it’s time for Water Gun!” Kaylie shouted, pumping her fist.

Tossing Cyndaquil into the air, Croconaw fired a stream of water from his mouth, hitting Cyndaquil in her side. The Fire type fell to the ground, hardly moving. The kids cheered again, knowing the battle to be over soon.

“Damn…” Jayden cursed under his breath. “Looks like you wi-”

Before Jayden could finish, Cyndaquil stood again, her legs shaking uncontrollably. Shocked, Croconaw motioned for Cyndaquil to approach him, a cocky grin across his face. Cyndaquil took one step before falling back to the ground. Jayden walked to his Pokémon’s side, picking her up and cradling her in his arms.

“I know you’re tough,” Jayden told her with a smile. “You don’t need to hurt yourself to prove that.”

“You were awesome!”

“I want a Croconaw too! Mom, can I have one?!”

“Your Pokémon is really strong miss!”

Looking back towards Kaylie, Jayden saw that she had been surrounded by the group of kids that had been watching their battle. He smiled as he saw her talk to them. A certain feeling began radiating off her. A feeling of happiness. Recalling Cyndaquil, Jayden fell back onto the grass by the fountain, looking up at the sky. Not too long after, Kaylie’s face popped into his field of vision, obscuring the sky from his view.

“Remember our deal,” she said as she sat by him.

“I didn’t,” Jayden told her, placing his head in her lap. “How do I feel about you? I don’t even think I can express that in words.”

“Please try.” Swallowing her saliva, Kaylie began to play with Jayden’s hair, the nervous feeling coming back, now resting in her stomach.

“When we were kids, I thought you were annoying,” he began. “I thought you were just another girl looking for attention. Once we got older, those thoughts began to disappear and you became my friend. Then these weird feelings came out of nowhere and…I started to like you more than a friend.”

Kaylie’s breathing quickened, becoming light and shallow. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, it returned to normal, a tear welling up in her eye.

“When we left on our journeys, I never thought that I would be travelling with you,” Jayden continued. “Do you remember that night in Cherrygrove when you force me to go dancing with you? It was then that I knew for sure that I liked you more than a friend. As time went by, the feeling got stronger and stronger. Even after all we’ve been through, I know one thing.”

“What is that?” Kaylie asked, her voice cracking slightly as she choked back some tears.

“You’re my best friend.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek, stopping at her chin. She knew that no matter how hard she tried, she would end up crying.

Jayden grabbed a small blade of grass, pulling it out of the ground and twisting it between his fingers. “Not only that, but I’m in love with you.”

Tears began streaming down Kaylie’s face, breaking off and hitting Jayden’s. Sitting up, Jayden placed his arm around Kaylie’s neck, pulling her into his chest. Wrapping her arms around his torso, Kaylie wept into his shirt, squeezing him tight.

“I don’t want to lose you, Kaylie.”

Lifting her face from his chest, Kaylie pulled Jayden’s head down towards hers, pressing her lips against his, kissing him deeply.

“I feel the same,” she whispered, resting her head on his chest. “I love you too.”

Chapter
16th April 2013, 3:26 AM
Good chapter. Nice plot progression and- Get a room love birds! LOL

Interesting detail for the town. Shady: Stay too long and you'll be robbed. But, come here because you need this for the Silver Conference.

GTG cause I have a test tomorrow and need ma' sleep! XD

DarkSpace2012
21st April 2013, 3:55 AM
I'm gonna need the hookup on those PM's again bruh!

Shadow Lucario
10th June 2013, 1:19 PM
Finally, after so long of a wait, the 26th chapter of Hero's Bond is here. Small plot progression as we go back to the original plot. You know the deal. RnR when possible.



Chapter 26: Raging Storm

“Are they walking into the Gym?”

“Sure looks like it. And they’re holding hands!”

“They’ll get destroyed! Shade is too strong!”

Approaching the tower they saw in the distance, Kaylie and Jayden had locked their hands together, Kaylie blushing brilliantly. Unable to keep the smile off her face, Kaylie kept glancing at Jayden, giggling as she did so. Jayden simple shook his head, a grin on his face as well. Once they reached the glass doors at the front of the tower, they slid open, a small group of people exited, all dressed in black. Eyeing them nervously, Jayden looked them over, confirming it to be a uniform different from the Black Organization.

“We should go in,” Kaylie said, pulling Jayden with her.

The inside of the tower was just as impressive as the outside. Large flat screen televisions had been mounted on just about every wall, different news channels on each. A lady at a desk about a hundred feet from the entrance waved at the two, a large smile on her face.

“I wonder why those guys said the people here were unfriendly,” Jayden whispered to Kaylie. “All of them have been nice! Well, minus the few that we saw coming in.”

“Are you guys here for a Gym battle?” the woman at the desk asked, shouting to them.

“Yes,” replied Kaylie, running to the desk, still dragging Jayden behind her. “Both of us are.”

A screen appeared on the glass near her keyboard as she began to type. “Names?”

“Kaylie Janson and Jayden Sector,” said Kaylie, still giggling.

The woman motioned to the small waiting area as she finished typing in their names. The couple took a seat on a large couch, air hissing as it escaped from the spaces in between the cushions. Taking a look at one of the televisions, Jayden noticed a picture of New Bark Town on the screen, focusing his attention to the news anchor.

“…as well as the Pokémon lab,” the man said as he straightened the papers in front of him. Grabbing his tie, he slightly loosened it, taking a breath in. “The wreckage in some of the houses seems to have been there for quite some time. Reports say that a group of wandering bandits broke into the homes in search of food and valuables. Not only…”

Jayden’s mind began to travel. Thinking back to their time in Goldenrod City, he remembered that he had attempted to call his dad, but got no answer. …been there for quite some time reverberated in his head repeatedly, causing worry to sprout all over.

“What’s wrong Jay?” Kaylie asked worried, noticing the look of discomfort on his face.

“Nothing,” Jayden lied, his hand clasping his face. “Just thinking.”

Kaylie nodded, deciding not to question his answer. Jayden shook off the thoughts that started to pop in his head. My dad is fine, he thought. He would have gotten out of there as soon as he smelled danger. A small beep came from the desk they had checked in at. The woman smiled as she looked in their direction.

“Shade is ready for you,” she told them.

“Which one of us is first?” Kaylie asked, both of them standing.

“He’ll take both of you. It’ll be a double battle.” The smile seemed to be plastered on the woman’s face as if happiness was her only emotion.

Jayden nodded at Kaylie, Kaylie doing the same. They made their way across the room towards the elevator doors. Silently sliding open, the pair stepped on the vertical carriage to meet a large man with shoulder length hair. His eyes were hidden behind sunglasses that matched his black suit. He wore a blank expression, neither frowning nor smiling.

“Back in Violet City, I had a very awkward elevator ride with the attendant,” Jayden whispered to Kaylie.

“So you met my brother!” the man exclaimed, his expression changing suddenly.

“Oh, uh, I guess so,” said Jayden, nervously chuckling.

The man placed a hand on Jayden’s shoulder, taking his sunglasses off with the other. “I promise to not make our ride awkward.”

Silence reigned over the three as the man pressed the button with the number nineteen next to it. Sticking his tongue in his cheek, Jayden looked around the small elevator, opting to stare at the red carpet on the floor. Kaylie averted her gaze to the bronze colored railing, slightly tapping it with her finger. The large man in the back swayed back and forth, staring at the ceiling.

“So…,” the man started. “Is this your fifth gym battle?”

“Fourth for me,” Kaylie answered, still staring at the railing.

“This is my third.” Jayden began to tap his foot against the other, his gaze traveling from the floor to the doors and back to the floor. “Do you enjoy your job?”

“Oh yeah, yeah.” The large man began to twiddle his thumbs, watching as the floor number changed from eight to nine.

After a few minutes of an awkward silence, the elevator finally reached the nineteenth floor. The doors slid open to reveal a large, flat battlefield. Lighting had been poor as there were large areas of darkness scattered throughout. The opposite side of the battlefield was impossible to make out. Once they stepped off, Jayden had noticed that there were no bleachers by the battlefield. In place of the spectating stands were four large rings, one directly after the other.

“Good luck,” the man said as the elevator doors closed.

Footsteps sounded from the other side of the arena. A light flickered on, revealing a tall, slender man approaching the two. A smirk was placed on his face, eyeing the trainers carefully. His long black coat flowed behind him as he walked. Three slightly damaged Poké Balls hung from his waist. With one hand, he flipped his long red hair, brushing it from his face.

“You must be the challengers that Kelly just told me about,” said the man. He extended his hand to Jayden, firmly shaking it. Turning towards Kaylie, he gave her a shallow bow, his eyes never leaving her face. “I am Shade, the Gym Leader of Cimmerian Town.”

“I’m Jayden,” he introduced himself. “This here is Kaylie. We would like to have a battle with you.”

“Of course you want to battle me. Why else would you be here? For tea?” Shade chuckled as he quickly walked back to the other side of the battlefield. “No, no, no. Better idea; you battle each other for the badge. Obviously the winner gets it.”

Kaylie gave him a confused look. “The receptionist told us it would be a double battle.”

“I’m the Gym Leader,” Shade retorted. “I can change my mind whenever I want to.”

Jayden scowled at the man, and made his way to Shade’s side. Shade smiled at Jayden and patted him on the back. Retreating to the side, Shade began to twist his hair in between his fingers as Jayden and Kaylie each drew their Poké Balls. Just as they were about to toss them, Shade jumped in the middle of the field.

“Wait!” he shouted. “I have another idea.”

Jayden let out an exasperated sigh. “Now what?”

“How about a handicap match? You two versus me.” Kaylie and Jayden exchanged glances before agreeing to the match. A sly smile drew itself across Shade’s face. “But there will be a condition.” As he said this, the rings on the sides of the field spread apart, leaving a few feet between each ring. “Your Pokémon must jump or fly through the rings before attacking. If you fail to do so and attack anyway, you’ll be disqualified, leaving only your partner to win the match.”

“Seems fair enough,” said Kaylie. “We accept.”

“Let’s start now!” Shade launched one of his damaged Poké Balls onto the field, a beam of light exploding from it. The light quickly formed into a Pokémon that closely resembled a dog. Its tail ended in an arrowhead shape. The dark color of its fur would allow it to easily hide in the darkness. The beast growled at Kaylie and Jayden, showing off its sharp fangs.

“A Houndoom,” Kaylie whispered.

“With the conditions of the match, we’ll have to use a fast Pokémon,” Jayden told her. “Since Houndoom is also Fire type, Beedrill and Ledian are out.”

“I’m going with Aipom!” Kaylie tossed her Poké Ball into the air, releasing her Aipom.

“Pidgeotto, stand by!”

Bursting from the light, Pidgeotto let out a loud squawk as Aipom chattered, balancing on her tail. Houndoom eyed them carefully, keeping both opponents in his sight.

“Flamethrower,” Shade started off.

Pidgeotto flew around the outside of the arena as flames shot out from Houndoom’s mouth. Aipom dashed away on all fours, narrowly avoiding the fire. Going through all four rings on one side, Pidgeotto’s wings began to glow. Diving down towards Houndoom, Pidgeotto swung one wing and missed, the tip of his wing grazing the Dark type.

“Loop around and try again,” Jayden commanded.

“Aipom, leap through those rings and go for an Iron Tail!” Kaylie shouted.

Slowly backing up, Houndoom watched Pidgeotto fly straight through the rings opposite him while Aipom jumped through the rings nearest him. The monkey’s tail began to glow, the hand balled into a fist. Aipom brought her tail down, using a flip to push a little more power into the hit. Houndoom quickly jumped to the side, barely dodging Aipom’s attack. The Normal type’s tail smashed into the floor, slightly cracking it. While the Dark type was still focused on Aipom, Pidgeotto came up from behind, slamming his wing into Houndoom’s side. The canine fell to the ground, sliding back a few feet. Instantly jumping back up, Houndoom growled at Pidgeotto, flames gathering in his mouth.

“Attack Aipom with Flamethrower and don’t stop!” yelled Shade.

The flames rocketed out of Houndoom’s mouth, aimed directly at Aipom. Kaylie yelled for her Pokémon to dodge, but the fire caught Aipom too fast. Just as his trainer commanded, Houndoom continuously let out flames upon flames onto Aipom.

“Pidgeotto, circle back and hit Houndoom with Quick Attack!” Jayden shouted, the screams of Aipom filling his ears.

Pidgeotto flew back the way he came, successfully going through all the rings. Once they were behind him, Pidgeotto disappeared, instantly colliding into Houndoom’s side. The dog fell over once more, a yelp of pain emitting from him. Pidgeotto smirked at his opponent, puffing up his chest as he landed.

“I wouldn’t get such a big head if I were you,” Shade warned Pidgeotto. “Disappear…”

Houndoom slowly stood, and, just as Shade said, he disappeared. Shocked, Pidgeotto looked all around him, trying to figure out where Houndoom went. Shade began to cackle, pointing at Pidgeotto.

“You’ll never be able to find him! Thunder Fang!”

Quickly appearing at Pidgeotto’s side, electricity began to gather around Houndoom’s fangs. Before the Flying type could react, Houndoom clamped onto his wing. Pidgeotto let out a loud squawk before falling to the floor. Jumping through the rings again, Aipom collided into Houndoom’s side just as Pidgeotto had done before.

“Where did she come from?!” Shade asked, slightly startled.

“Aipom’s Quick Attack is even faster than Pidgeotto’s. You better watch out,” Jayden warned Shade. A smirk drew itself across Jayden’s mouth, an idea coming to him. “Pidegeotto, can you battle?”

Pidgeotto struggled to get to his feet, the pain from the electricity fresh in his memory. With a scoff, Pidgeotto screeched as he stretched out both of his wings, showing off his wingspan. When he attempted to fly again, a sharp pain shot through his wing, causing him to crash to the ground. A look of horror appeared on Pidgeotto’s face. Houndoom slowly approached the fallen Flying type, chuckling it seemed.

“Aipom, Focus Punch now!” ordered Kaylie.

The hand on Aipom’s tail began to glow. Dashing forward, Aipom slammed the fist into Houndoom’s face, sending the Dark type reeling to the side. Shade’s mouth dropped, unable to comprehend what just happened.

“Houndoom, can you get up?” Shade asked his Pokémon, worry in his voice. The canine stood slowly, shaking off the pain. He gave his trainer an affirmative nod. “Now let’s show them Crunch; both of them! Disappear!”

As if he were smoke, Houndoom disappeared into thin air. Aipom stood in front of his friend, waiting for the opportunity to strike back. Kaylie frantically looked around the field, searching for some sign of Houndoom.

“How in the world is he doing that?” Jayden asked, frustrated.

“I think I understand how,” Kaylie told him. “There is one move that Houndoom can learn that lets him appear invisible.”

“Appear invisible?”

“Remember that Houndoom is a Dark type Pokémon,” Kaylie started. “With his black fur it would be difficult to see him in the dark.”

Looking over the field, something caught Jayden’s eye that was near where Aipom and Pidgeotto were at. It was a large patch of darkness. A metaphorical light bulb illuminated in Jayden’s head, allowing him to see what was going on.

“He’s using that darkness as cover!” Jayden yelled.

Kaylie shook her head. “Not just the darkness. He’s combining the move Faint Attack with the field conditions. Nothing you wouldn’t expect from a Dark type trainer.”

“What can I say? I had to earn the title Gym Leader somehow,” Shade said with a laugh.

Houndoom leapt from the darkness, his fangs bared. Without thinking, Jayden blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Pidgeotto, Air Slash!”

With a swing of his good wing, Pidgeotto launched several spinning blades of wind at Houndoom. Before Houndoom could react, each one of the blades smashed into him, knocking him out of the air. A loud buzz went off, blaring through the entire arena.

“Looks like you’re disqualified,” Shade told Jayden with a smirk.

“Sorry, Kaylie,” he apologized as he recalled Pidgeotto. “I just reacted.”

“Don’t worry Jay. Leave everything to me.”

Slowly waving her tail back and forth, Aipom carefully watched Houndoom as the Dark type stood once more. His legs began to tremble slightly, a pained expression on his face. Shade took notice of this, his smirk vanishing instantly.

“Houndoom,” Shade called. “I think this battle is over. You’ve done well enough.”

Houndoom shook his head, taking a step forward. When his paw touched the ground, Houndoom let out a small whimper of pain, but kept the same focused expression on his face. Aipom noticed the pain he was in as well and looked back to Kaylie for a command.

“I think Houndoom is too proud to quit now,” Kaylie observed.

“Proud or not, I can’t have Houndoom continue battling,” said Shade. “Return Houndoom. Now.” Letting a breath out of his nose, Houndoom limped back to his trainer, sitting right by his side. “That last Air Slash did a real number on him. Even if it was an attack that was against the rules, I like your style. You guys win. I concede.”

“Alright!” Jayden exclaimed. “We’ve got our fourth badge!”

“Only four more to go!” cheered Kaylie as she recalled Aipom.

Shade cleared his throat, approaching the two trainers. “I said you guys won the battle. I never said anything about winning the badge.”

The couple’s cheering instantly stopped. They both looked at him incredulously, not believing what he just said.

“But we won,” started Jayden.

“Since we beat the gym leader we get the badge,” finished Kaylie.

“Yeah you won, but you attacked Houndoom before going through the rings,” Shade told them, shaking his head. “Don’t you remember the rules? Since you can’t follow the rules, I can’t give you a badge.”

“But you liked my style!” Jayden put his hands in his pocket and kicked the ground, slightly pouting and whining at the same time.

Shade patted Jayden on the shoulder, lightly laughing. “Don’t be so down, mate. Now you’ll be stronger for your next battle.”

Kaylie rolled her eyes. “Hopefully that next battle will include a badge.”

Sidewinder
9th July 2013, 4:20 AM
Sorry for the long wait buddy. Had some family stuff, but now I'm back.

Chapter 24


“The sun is nearly down so the slowly rising moon should heal you enough to continue and end this battle.”

That seemed a bit too long, I feel like you could shorten it up a bit and achieve the same effect.


Letting out an ear-splitting roar, Empoleon jumped to his feet. His fins began to glow as he split the beam in half.

That made my pulse jump up a few knotches


“Houndoom, jump forward!” Claire yelled.

Hmm, I love the pace and action of the battle so far, and it's working for me, however Claire telling Houndoom to jump felt a little pointless. Obviously if an attack is coming he isn't going to just stand there and take it. I know you know that and stuff, but it interrupted the flow for me a little bit. You dig?


What about you Alexander? Kaylie thought, another tear coming to her eye. Can I save you?

This was kind of a heart wrenching and very appropriate ending to the chapter. It actually summed up everything the characters were feeling quite well

ONWARDS!

Chapter 25


Jayden smiled, placing his hand on Kaylie’s arm. Hope slightly turned her head, a smile on her face as well. Lorin scoffed, a slight smirk drawing itself across his mouth

Hope and Lorin's reactions cracked me up haha


“I think we have more things to worry about,” said Jayden.

Dammit Kaylie listen to Jayden! The boy speaks sense!


To her left, she could hear a water running

Lose the 'a'


Calm down Kaylie, she thought. All I have to do is beat him in a small battle. Then he’ll tell me how he feels. What if it’s bad? What if he doesn’t feel the same way

That was an important addition that I liked very much. Mainly because it shows how young they actually are, which adds to the realisim of thoughts like that. Understanding/perception and confidence come with age. I wouldn't have liked this chapter so much if they were more confident than they are now. Nicely done!


Walking to a spot opposite him, she pulled out a Poké Ball, her expression becoming serious. “I won’t hold back then!”

Look, bearing my previous point in mind, her reaction that I quoted, and even the battle in general just seem a bit too out of place. I mean it seems like something that would happen organically in the anime. If that's what you're going for, then cool, but to me it just seems kind of pointless. Obviously they have bigger things to worry about. I can see how this would be a good way to blow off steam, but it just doesn't feel right. Does that make sense?


“I feel the same,” she whispered, resting her head on his chest. “I love you too.”

Damn ****ing perfect way to end the chapter. Loved it

Chapter 26


“Kaylie Janson and Jayden Sector,” said Kaylie, still giggling.

I ****ing love Jayden's last name haha



“So you met my brother!” the man exclaimed, his expression changing suddenly.

“Oh, uh, I guess so,” said Jayden, nervously chuckling.

The man placed a hand on Jayden’s shoulder, taking his sunglasses off with the other. “I promise to not make our ride awkward.”

LMAO that was funny. Reall well placed and realistically natural


. The light quickly formed into a Pokémon that closely resembled a dog. Its tail ended in an arrowhead shape. The dark color of its fur would allow it to easily hide in the darkness. The beast growled at Kaylie and Jayden, showing off its sharp fangs.

That was a decent description, and I could visualize the Pokemon fairly well. However, make sure when describing a new Pokemon to use every aspect of everything to describe it. Like how the floor sounded as it's claws ground against it, or how its curved hors changed colors subtly as the light hit it. Those are two basic ways to use description without making it feel like you're describing something. Make sense?


A metaphorical light bulb illuminated in Jayden’s head, allowing him to see what was going on.

That was actually an extremely clever way of showing his realization. I liked it

fixthe_fernback
27th July 2013, 8:48 PM
I believe I'm caught up now. I didn't spot any huge mistakes, at least nothing that jumped out to me. As always, you continue to put out great content worth reading. I particularly like where the story seems to be going. Shade was a cool character, but part of me wishes the indecisiveness he displayed in choosing the match type had played a part in the match.

Anyways, sorry it took me so long to get to this! I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Shadow Lucario
9th August 2013, 11:59 AM
Talk about a break! Well here we finally have the 27th chapter of Hero's Bond. It's a Lorin chapter. I've always wanted to expand on his character, but never got the chance to. So here we go. Enjoy.


Chapter 27: A Guiding Light

“…and that makes three. Is there anyone else who wants to challenge me?”

Behind the local Pokémon Center, Lorin had issued an open challenge to the trainers, trying to keep himself busy as he and Hope waited for Jayden and Kaylie to arrive. Three trainers had accepted his challenge and all three had lost to his Charmeleon. With a large grin, Charmeleon waved his flaming tail back and forth as if to say he was ready for any opponent.

“I think you scared any would be trainers off,” Hope told him, leaping off a small bench against the back wall of the Center. “How about we battle?”

Lorin quickly recalled Charmeleon, chuckling nervously. “Charmeleon against that beast, Empoleon? How about no?”

“What else are we going to do then?”

Lorin put one hand to his chin and began to think. Looking around at the few trainers that hung around and his surroundings, an idea began to form in his head. With a quick snap of his fingers, Lorin pulled Hope closer and began to whisper in her ear.

“WHAT?!” she exclaimed loudly, startling everyone nearby. “I would never…”

“Hear me out,” Lorin began to explain. “Jayden and Kaylie are obviously going to become an item sooner or later. Why don’t we try our hand at it? That way it will be less awkward on the road!”

Hope carefully eyed Lorin. Brushing his bangs out of his eye, Lorin attempted to give her the best puppy dog eyes he could. With a disgusted sigh, Hope nodded her head.

“But,” Hope said, interrupting Lorin’s victory dance. “We go on a date of my choice.”

--------------------------------------------------

“C’mon Lorin…can’t mess this up…”

A few minutes later, Lorin had retreated to the Pokémon Center, pacing in the lobby, whispering to himself. He had changed into the best clothes he had on him; a grey button down shirt with black slacks. Biting his nails nervously, Lorin looked towards the elevator in the hopes that he would see, well, Hope.

“Show her that you can be boyfriend material…not just a friend…”

When the elevator emitted a small ding, Lorin jumped. The doors slid apart to reveal a long blue dress. Sparkles adorned nearly the entire ensemble. With her hair in a bun, Hope looked just as a socialite would, even on a good day.

“It’s just Hope,” Lorin told himself as she approached him. “Nothing has changed. It’s only Hope.”

“Why hello there,” Hope said with a smirk. “I hope you’re ready for a great time.”

“I-I-I a-am,” he stammered. Clearing his throat, Lorin motioned for the door. “If we’re just going for a walk, what’s up with the fancy clothes?”

Hope laughed as they exited the center. “You’re one to talk. So what made you want to date me?”

“Ever since I saw you I thought you were beautiful. Then when I got to know you, I realized that you actually had the most amazing personality of any person I had the pleasure of knowing.”

Raising her eyebrows, Hope was at a loss for words. They walked in silence for a little bit as the path lead them into a small forest located on the opposite side of town. They both stole glances at each other, smiling and giggling as they did so. The sun quickly vanished as the amount of trees increased. Quickly stopping, Hope turned on her heel to face Lorin, surprising the latter.

“Why did we stop all of a sudden?” he asked.

“For some reason, I feel the most comfortable around you,” said Hope. “Even though I’ve known Kaylie and Jayden a lot longer, I feel right when you’re there.”

Lorin chuckled as he stepped closer to her. Hope could feel the heat coming from his body, hear his heartbeat. “It’s because I know how you feel.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rain splattered against the window as lightning lit up the dark room. Inside was a single bed, large enough for a few children. Toys had been scattered across the floor along with various plush Pokémon. The wooden panels that made up the floor began to creak. The small boy in the bed slight sat up and tried to look around, but the darkness combined with his adjusting eyes made it difficult for him to make anything out. A loud thunderclap sounded soon after, scaring the boy under his blankets. A large shadow crept up on the boy, reaching for the blanket. Yanking the blanket back, the shadow let out a low growl while the boy let out a shrill scream.

“I didn’t think you would scream Lorin!”

“Not funny, Lisa!” the boy named Lorin shouted, his breathing quick and shallow.

The shadow had belonged to his older sister, Lisa. She was of average height for her age. Just like Lorin, she had bright red hair that came down to the middle of her back. Throwing the blankets back over her little brother, Lisa hugged him tightly, much to Lorin’s dismay.

“Why don’t you go bother Marina?” Lorin asked, pushing her off, emerging from the blankets once more.

“Because she’s only seven and you’re ten,” Lisa explained. “Besides, I don’t get in as much trouble when I scare you because I know you won’t tell Mom.”

“What if I do?” Lorin threatened. “There’s nothing stopping me.”

“Besides me telling all your friends and having you branded as a tattle tale?”

Raising a hand, Lorin soon dropped it. He knew that his friends wouldn’t take too kindly to him being a tattle tale. His older sister kissed him on the forehead before prancing out of the room, smiling back at him as she closed the door. Tossing the blanket back over him, Lorin slowly drifted back to sleep. In his dream he could hear many screams and sirens. The sound that stuck out to him the most was that of a window shattering. It sounded close and if he didn’t know any better, he could swear that he felt the glass sticking into him.

“…rin! Lo…n! LORIN!”

Eyes flying open, the surroundings slowly came into view. Standing above him was Marina, his younger sister. Her brown hair was messy, as if she had just woken up. Her eyes were wide with fear, tears welling up in them. Sitting up, Lorin took a good look around, not sure of how he wound up in the middle of a forest. The moon was visible through the treetops, bright and full. Pulling his sister close, Lorin reassured her that everything would be okay.

“How did we end up out here?” he asked.

Marina busted into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. In between her sobs, she tried to offer some sort of explanation, but it all came out jumbled. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Lorin tried to calm her down before telling her to try again.

“These guys in white broke into our house,” Marina started. “They said they wanted Mommy’s necklace. But Lisa told them they couldn’t have it. Then…then…”

Once again, Marina started sobbing, unable to continue her story. Lorin just pulled her close, softly whispering that they would be okay.

“Don’t you worry, Marina. I’ll make those guys pay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I asked a policeman what happened and he told me that a robber broke into our house that night. He told me it was a common murder/robbery case.”

Hope stood in silence, a sad feeling coming over her. Listening to Lorin’s story made her remember her own brother and her promise to him.

“They claimed to have caught the man a few weeks later, but my sister claimed the men who did this wore white,” Lorin continued. “I know it was Team Lustrous.”

“Lorin, I’m so sorry…” Hope whispered.

He simply smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. Lightly touch his hand with hers, Hope felt a slight quiver. Looking back into Lorin’s eyes, she saw a small tear begin to roll down his cheek. The tear fell to the forest floor, disappearing as quickly as it came.

“You don’t need to be strong any longer. We’re here for you; me, Kaylie, and Jayden.” Hope pulled Lorin into an embrace, holding him tightly. “You don’t have to bear this alone anymore.”

Hesitatingly, Lorin wrapped his arms around Hope, quietly sobbing. Without saying a word, Hope softly kissed his forehead. Stepping away, Lorin wiped his face and smiled.

“I’ve never told anyone that story before.”

Hope smiled as well, offering her hand. “Just like you said, it’s because I know how you feel.”

fixthe_fernback
9th August 2013, 9:28 PM
Wow, we got some really nice insight into Lorin's character this chapter! It was short, but well worth a read to get to know Lorin a little better. No mistakes were spotted and I'm already looking forward to the next chapter! Good work, SL!

Sidewinder
11th August 2013, 6:22 PM
Brushing his bangs out of his eye, Lorin attempted to give her the best puppy dog eyes he could.

I liked the little physical description drop you put there. I was reading some of JX's how to's on writing and I picked up on dropping some descriptive reminders like that randomly. Not only does it put you more into the story but I had actually forgotten what my picture of Lorin looked like. That reminded me. Nice


Lorin looked towards the elevator in the hopes that he would see, well, Hope.

Hah, funny little wordplay there. I liked it


With her hair in a bun, Hope looked just as a socialite would, even on a good day.

That bit was slightly confusing to me, as a socialite would always look good, that's pretty much there mantra. So could you clarify?


“Don’t you worry, Marina. I’ll make those guys pay.”

MOTIVATION SUCH AN AGGREVATION!! If you like Sum41 you'll get that reference lol. If his sister died and that's how you're setting up his traveling, kudos! as that's exactly what I did. Kidnapping, murder, or really any other violent crime against family is an extremely potent motivator

Hmm, my only real gripe about the chapter was the length. I liked the semi-date between Lorin and Hope, and his nervousness that went along with it (very convincing), but it really felt like it ended way before it should have. Not sure what you could have done to extend it but it just felt like something was a little off. Anyway, I enjoyed myself and I look forward to the next installment

Shadow Lucario
21st August 2013, 11:17 AM
Here we are with the 28th chapter of Hero's Bond. A lot of this chapter deals with Lorin again. Geez, he wants that spotlight. We might have a new main character!


Chapter 28: Fist of Fury

“Where have you guys been?”

Stepping into the Pokémon Center room, Lorin and Hope were greeted by Jayden who had been lying on one of the bunk beds, thumbing through a magazine. Both Lorin and Hope tried to give a response, but it came out jumbled.

“We just went on a walk,” Lorin finally said.

Sitting up, Jayden looked them over, slightly confused. “You went on a walk looking like that? Must have been a short walk.”

The door to the bathroom swung open as Kaylie stepped out. Greeting her friends, she quickly stopped to look them over again.

“Hope, did you go on a date with Lorin?” Kaylie whispered, pulling Hope aside.

“Yeah, but I told him that I really only want to be friends at this point,” she explained. “A lot has happened to him and I felt that if we decided to try a relationship right now, it would jeopardize our goals.”

With a huge smile on her face, Kaylie nodded as she climbed into the bunk bed opposite Jayden. Lorin tried to hide the grin on his face before rushing into the bathroom. Throwing the magazine onto the bedside table, Jayden placed his hands behind his head.

“Well, we’ll need to get some sleep so we can hit the road tomorrow. No gym badge, no Team Lustrous, and no Black Organization; we have nothing to do in this town.”

Kaylie lay flat on her stomach, her chin resting on her hands. “Not unless we start a lemonade stand.”

----------------------------------------------

“Where exactly are we going?”

“Well, there is another gym in Olivine City right? We’ll head there.”

After departing from Cimmerian Town, Jayden had decided that it would be best for them to head towards Olivine City. Taking the lead, Jayden looked into the sky, using his hand to shade his face from the sun.

“No clouds,” he said. “And judging from the position of the sun, it’s only about noon.”

“Think we’ll be able to get there before night?” Kaylie asked, lightly jogging to catch up with Jayden.

“That’s doubtful,” Hope answered. “Olivine is roughly fifty miles from Cimmerian.”

“Well then we’ll get as far as we can and then continue in the morning,” said Jayden.

Kaylie smiled at him, grabbing his hand and holding onto it tightly. Lorin threw an ‘I told you so’ look at Hope, slightly shaking his head. Not too far ahead of the four trainers was a small stand on the edge of the road. A muscular man sat behind the stand, his head rested on his hand. He had long black hair that went to the middle of his back. His eyes had been closed, almost as if he were asleep. His chest rose and fell very quickly, but he seemed to be resting peacefully.

“Hello?” Jayden called, standing in front of the stand.

The man’s eyelids flew open, his steel grey eyes piercing Jayden. Swallowing his saliva, Jayden couldn’t look away as the man stood. He was at least two heads taller than Lorin who was already a bit taller than Jayden. A smile appeared on the man’s face as he sat back down.

“I can tell what hardships you’ve been through and help guide you in solving your current problems,” the man said, his voice very low and gruff. He stretched his arms out to Jayden, palms up.

“This I have to see,” Hope said, skepticism present in her tone.

“Place your palms on top of mine and I will read your past so your future is much brighter.” The man closed his eyes once more, humming slightly.

Looking back at Kaylie and Lorin, Jayden shrugged before placing his hands on top of the man’s. A warm feeling began to course through his body; the man’s humming growing in volume. Flinching, Jayden tried to pull back, but it seemed as if his hands were glued to the man’s. Unable to pull away, Jayden struggled, fear growing in him. The warm feeling had spread to his toes, sweat now rolling down his face. He could feel the sweat drenching his shirt, he could feel the sweat covering his face.

“The troubles you have faced are indeed of great magnitude,” the man said, releasing Jayden’s hands.

The feeling that had taken Jayden over vanished instantly. Looking at his collar, Jayden saw that it was dry. “But…I was just sweating like crazy. What happened?”

“I saw them.” The man’s eyes turned from grey to black and then to white. “Team Lustrous…The Black Organization…”

Silence hung over the group as they all stared off in different directions. Hope began to clench her fists, trying her hardest to not explode emotionally. Lorin began to kick at the ground while Kaylie grabbed Jayden’s arm.

“To have survived against such factions…I commend you,” the man told them. “But your fight with them will continue.”

“Damn right it will!” Hope shouted.

“Hope…” Lorin reached to touch her arm, but she quickly jerked away. Tears began to stream down her face as she stared at the man, eyes wide.

“Hope.” The man stood once more, placing his hand on the girl’s shoulder. “The pain you have endured and the pain you WILL endure…Live true to your name. Do not give up hope. I will show you, the path to your bright future.”

Hope looked up at the man, startled as he clenched her shoulder tightly. As if a movie were being streamed straight to her brain, images began to appear in front of her. The first thing she saw was an image of her as a child, bringing memories of her childhood with it. She saw her Piplup running with her in a forest, her brother not too far behind.

“Your brother…your family…you wish to bring them back together,” the man said, images still appearing in Hope’s mind. “To bring them back together as one, you must first see through the deceit and not waver.”

“…see through the deceit?” Hope repeated almost robotically.

Snapping back to reality, Hope took in a sharp breath, her breathing speeding up. Lorin had been standing in front of her, his mouth moving, but nothing coming out. Without so much as a word, Hope fell into Lorin’s arms, slowly slipping out of consciousness.

“Hope!” Lorin shouted, slightly shaking her.

“What did you do?!” Jayden asked, turning back to where the man should have been standing. Without so much as a sound, the man, and his stand, had vanished. “Is Hope okay?”

“She just passed out,” replied Lorin, putting one of her arms around his neck. “We’ll have to set up camp though. We can’t move much with her like this.”

“Lorin’s right,” agreed Kaylie. “We’ll have to stop for the night and just continue tomorrow.”

----------------------------------------------

“…so my dad told me that it wasn’t my fault after all. Turns out a stray Meowth knocked it down.”

Lying next to a small fire they built, Jayden, Lorin, and Kaylie decided it would be best to have Hope sleep in one of their tents while they waited for her to awake. They had begun to share embarrassing childhood stories, laughter filling the air. Lorin stood, opting to sit next to Hope’s tent, watching her shadow intently.

“I won’t go anywhere,” he whispered.

Lorin heard a very familiar giggle, a giggle he swore belonged to Hope. Peeking in the tent, he saw that she was still sound asleep. Shaking it off, the red head now took a seat next to the sleeping Hope. He took in a deep breath before leaning forward. Using one hand to brush his hair out of his face, and from possibly tickling Hope’s face, Lorin placed his lips on her forehead, softly kissing it.

What took you so long to admit your feelings for her?

A single tear rolled down Lorin’s cheek, much to his surprise. Wiping it away quickly, the boy went from a sitting position to lying next to Hope, staring at the tent ceiling.

By the time you told her how you felt, she only saw you as a friend. And that’s all you’ll ever be.

Closing his eyes, Lorin began to try and focus on something else, but his mind always came back to Hope. He could hear her breathing, feel it on his neck. Turning his head, he saw that she had been facing him as well, her lips pouting almost. Suddenly, her arm rose into the air, startling Lorin. A finger was instantly placed on his lips as if to tell him to not make a sound. Looking back at Hope, he saw her smile and wink, her arm now resting on his side, pulling him closer.

“When did you wake up?” Lorin whispered.

“About ten minutes ago,” she said.

“So what happened? Why did you pass out?”

Hope shook her head. “Not now. I just want us to lie here and not worry about anything like that.” Lorin nodded as Hope snuggled closer, wrapping his arms around her. “Maybe we can work together on how you’re going to properly ask me out next time.”

Lorin couldn’t help but smile. Outside the tent, Jayden also smiled, knowing exactly what happened. Kaylie looked up from her spot on his chest, slightly confused.

“What are you so smily about?” she asked, now smiling herself.

“Oh nothing,” he said. “It’s just that I know Hope is going to be okay.”

----------------------------------------------

“Cyndaquil, Flamethrower now!”

“Magneton, counter with Shock Wave!”

Igniting the flame on her back, Cyndaquil jumped to the side, releasing a stream of fire from her mouth. Her opponent, a creature that appeared as three orbs with two magnets each, shot a bolt of electricity out of one of its eyes. The electricity broke through the fire, striking the ground behind Cyndaquil.

“How were you able to beat her Steelix, Kaylie?” Jayden asked, turning back to a bench not too far from his box on the battlefield. “If Steelix is her strongest Pokémon, then why am I having trouble with this Magneton?”

“Steelix belonged to my aunt, so he’s old,” the girl across the field answered. “Magneton has been my Pokémon since my childhood. It’s my strongest!” The girl rolled up the sleeves of her red flannel, moving her arms in a circular motion. “Now hit them with Sonic Boom!”

“I don’t think so!” Jayden shouted. “Quick Attack!”

Before Magneton could release his attack, Cyndaquil dashed forward, crashing into it in the blink of an eye. The Electric type was mostly unharmed by the attack, shaking it off easily.

“What did you hope to accomplish with that?” the girl asked, slightly laughing. “Magneton hardly took any damage from that move.”

Jayden merely smiled, narrowing his eyes.

“Sonic Boom!”

“Quick Attack!”

Once again, Cyndaquil pushed Magneton back before the latter could attack. Lorin gave Hope a confused look and before he could ask, she shook her head.

“Don’t you see?” Hope asked. “Cyndaquil is striking Magneton before it can release the shockwave. That way she does a little damage AND stops her opponent’s attack.”

“Oh I see now,” Lorin said. “Killing two Pidgeys with one Rock Throw.”

“Flame Wheel!” shouted Jayden.

While Magneton was recovering from the second Quick Attack, Cyndaquil dashed forward again. Flames surrounded her just before crashing into Magneton. A small, metal screech pierced the air as Magneton fell to the ground. Still in midair, Cyndaquil flipped forwards, releasing a stream of fire. The flames hit the Electric type dead on, another metallic screech coming from the Magneton.

“Rats!” the girl said, rubbing the back of her head. “I hate to say it but you win, Jayden.”

Cyndaquil began to jump for joy, ecstatic that she had won. Jayden gave her a thumb up before recalling her. The girl walked over to Jayden and handed him a hexagonal badge. It was a simple grey color that didn’t stand out too much. Clutching the badge tightly, Jayden gave the girl a bow before scurrying back to his friends.

“Congrats man,” Lorin said, patting him on the back. “That makes four; halfway to the Silver Conference.”

A loud explosion sounded from outside the gym, vibrations shaking the building slightly. The loud noise drew the attention of all the trainers in the gym, not one saying a word. Another explosion was heard, this one much closer. Screams and shouts followed, the small tapping of rubble against the wall was heard. This time, the building shook much more violently, seeming as if it would fall apart.

“Hit the deck!” Jayden shouted.

Everyone in the gym fell to the ground. Another loud explosion, another violent shake of the building. Outside, people were panicking, running in all different directions. Flashes of light rained down from the sky. Anything the light touched exploded. A large beam rocketed from atop a tall skyscraper, crashing through the police station. The base of the building couldn’t hold the weight of the slowly collapsing building. Barks and shouts could be heard coming from inside, frightened faces pressed up against the glass. Flying overhead on what appeared to be some type of turquoise arachnid was a man with a white robe. A sinister smile etched its way across his face while he pointed at the police station again. Another white beam fired from the X on the creature’s face, quickly destroying the rest of the police station’s foundation. The building crashed into the ground, dust, screams, and blood filling the air. Floating back to the ground, the man hopped off his Pokémon, the latter’s legs extending to let it walk along the earth.

“Here we are, Metagross,” said the man. “Home sweet home.”

Sidewinder
22nd August 2013, 5:08 PM
Chapter 28: Fist of Fury

Awesome title. For some reason it reminded me of 'Kung Pao: Enter the fist'


“Yeah, but I told him that I really only want to be friends at this point,” she explained. “A lot has happened to him and I felt that if we decided to try a relationship right now, it would jeopardize our goals.”

I know they're all very close but it seems kinda odd for her to be that upfront about something that obviously was an emotional thing between her and Lorin


Kaylie lay flat on her stomach, her chin resting on her hands. “Not unless we start a lemonade stand.”

Hah! I love Kaylie



“Well, there is another gym in Olivine City right? We’ll head there.”

Don't they have more going on now that is more important than that. This is where trainer fics present a problem to me. You cant just have a badge quest because that's not exciting, but if you have something mega happening besides the quest you have to realize that its more pressing than challenging gyms. There's other ways to get stronger besides just taking on Gym Leaders. It's a weird balance you have to be aware of when writing, especially when its a team as crazy as Lustrous. I'm not playing down what you're doing, I just want to make sure you know where my mind is going


“…see through the deceit?” Hope repeated almost robotically.

omg is one of them evil? Because I'm going to punch your fic in the face if thats the case lol


By the time you told her how you felt, she only saw you as a friend. And that’s all you’ll ever be.

I hope this doesn't offend you when I ask, but is this something thats happened to you? I only ask because its happened to me and I know how bad it can suck


“Rats!” the girl said, rubbing the back of her head. “I hate to say it but you win, Jayden

Despite my complaining from earlier, I am pretty elated that he won the battle :D


Everyone in the gym fell to the ground. Another loud explosion, another violent shake of the building. Outside, people were panicking, running in all different directions. Flashes of light rained down from the sky. Anything the light touched exploded. A large beam rocketed from atop a tall skyscraper, crashing through the police station. The base of the building couldn’t hold the weight of the slowly collapsing building. Barks and shouts could be heard coming from inside, frightened faces pressed up against the glass. Flying overhead on what appeared to be some type of turquoise arachnid was a man with a white robe. A sinister smile etched its way across his face while he pointed at the police station again. Another white beam fired from the X on the creature’s face, quickly destroying the rest of the police station’s foundation. The building crashed into the ground, dust, screams, and blood filling the air. Floating back to the ground, the man hopped off his Pokémon, the latter’s legs extending to let it walk along the earth.

I should have known there would be something to ruin their good time. Please tell me the man is not Steven, as I really like him and dont want to have to punch him in the face. The description on the quoted portion was wonderful and it really put me into the mindset like I was experiencing it. Nicely done

fixthe_fernback
22nd August 2013, 9:08 PM
Another great chapter, I'm not surprised.

It felt a bit jarring to have them on the badge chase again so soon after all that's happened. Having them pursue Lustrous/the Black Organization, or just giving them some time to rest, makes more sense to me. That said, I enjoyed the battle between Jayden and...Jasmine's niece? You never stated her name, and you mentioned her aunt owning a Steelix. I'm just speculating, really, ignore me.

It hadn't occurred to me that the person at the end could be Steven until I read Sidewinder's post. If that turns out to be the case, then, y'know...wowza. Can't wait to read the next chapter and find out!

Shadow Lucario
22nd August 2013, 9:51 PM
Since both of your posts ask the same question I can address them at the same time. The reason I had them focus on the badges for now is that they just got stomped by Lustrous and running after them again so soon would be quite foolish. Besides that, they have no idea where they are. I suppose it's an escape to make their journey feel normal. Of course, this only applies to three of the four. Which three, I will not say. ;)


Hah! I love Kaylie

She tries her best. Haha.


omg is one of them evil? Because I'm going to punch your fic in the face if thats the case lol

You'll see next chapter. I can't say right now, but you'll find out soon. XD


I hope this doesn't offend you when I ask, but is this something thats happened to you? I only ask because its happened to me and I know how bad it can suck

It doesn't offend me at all! It has happened and that's why it hurt me when Lorin told himself that.


Despite my complaining from earlier, I am pretty elated that he won the battle

Jayden always pulls through! Well he has yet to beat Kaylie but you get my point. :P


I should have known there would be something to ruin their good time. Please tell me the man is not Steven, as I really like him and dont want to have to punch him in the face. The description on the quoted portion was wonderful and it really put me into the mindset like I was experiencing it. Nicely done

I'm glad you enjoyed it. But I can't say who it is yet. Just know that his Pokemon is a Metagross and he wears a white robe. I can't say anything else! XD


That said, I enjoyed the battle between Jayden and...Jasmine's niece? You never stated her name, and you mentioned her aunt owning a Steelix. I'm just speculating, really, ignore me.

It was Jasmine's niece. Why is it not Jasmine? Well that question was answered in The Beginning of Dedication, a one-shot prequel to my previous fic which details the origins of The Black Organization and Team Lustrous.


It hadn't occurred to me that the person at the end could be Steven until I read Sidewinder's post. If that turns out to be the case, then, y'know...wowza. Can't wait to read the next chapter and find out!

Once again, I'm not telling. :P You'll see.

As of the 29th chapter, this has become my longest fic. Huzzah! It's funny because it still has quite a while to go. We're maybe halfway through this thing. After this, it's time to kick things into overdrive!

Shadow Lucario
5th September 2013, 12:48 AM
No more Lorin chapters. He might force one pretty soon though. Mostly a Jayden chapter here. Let's see what those beams of light are and just who is the man on the Metagross? Hmmm.


Chapter 29: Legend

Hitting buildings from all directions, the beams of light seemed to come from nowhere. The groan of bending metal, along with the frightened cries and screams, filled the air. The crowds formed into a confused, scared mob, all trying to get away from something they couldn’t see. Appearing one by one, white cloaked figures riding atop many different Pokémon came down. Smirks lined their faces, all of them laughing at the chaos ensuing below. On the ground, a man in the same cloak walked from behind the gym, his hood up. He held a Poké Ball in hand, lightly tossing it up and down. Launching it into a crowd, a large, green dinosaur-like Pokémon appeared, emitting a loud roar. The crowd stopped, all trembling in fear. The creature raised its razor sharp claws, swinging downwards. The crowd scattered, achieving what the man had wanted.

“Great job, Tyranitar,” he said. “No one here is going to fight back.”

“Alexander!”

The man turned as soon as he heard his name. A few feet away he saw his sister, Kaylie exiting the gym, her friends in tow. Kaylie’s eyes began to water when she spotted her brother. Leaning against Tyranitar, Alexander chuckled, pointing at Hope, Lorin, and Jayden.

“You’re still hanging out with these losers?” he said condescendingly.

Jayden took a step towards Alexander, but Kaylie placed herself in front of him, shaking her head. “Alexander, why are you doing this?”

“They’re my orders,” Alexander explained. “I can’t go against them and essentially spit in Aeolus’ face.”

A beam of light rocketed past them, demolishing a building not too far away. The rubble flew into the air, small pebbles hitting the small group. Turning around in horror, Jayden saw a man he thought he would never see. Striding towards them with the largest smirk on his face, he wore the same white robes as Alexander. Many different medals hung from the left breast of his robes, each one possessing a different marking. The long black hair he had flowed behind him. His green eyes looked over the four trainers as he passed them, seemingly piercing straight to their hearts.

“Now Alexander, who do we have here?” Aeolus asked.

“My sister and her friends,” Alexander told his leader.

“Oh, a family reunion.” The man smiled, an eerie feeling coming over Jayden. The boy’s heart began to beat both faster and harder. “And who do we have here? You seem to resemble….Sam was it?”

Hope twitched when Aeolus said her brother’s name. Her hands balled into fists as she started to shake. Aeolus’ eyes narrowed, his lips pursed. He turned to Jayden, looking him over carefully. A strange feeling came over Jayden when Aeolus began to study him, almost as if he was being torn from the inside out.

“Sam has been a great help to our cause,” said Aeolus, turning back to Hope. “His talent has allowed me to make great strides on my plans.”

“…what?” Hope was lost for words.

“When I heard of Sam, he was a simple explorer, just going through caves for fun,” explained Aeolus. “But then I offered him a chance to use his talents for a greater purpose, for MY purpose, he was all in.”

Hope tried to speak, but no words came out. She wanted to cry, but no tears came. Her mind began to race, her thoughts clashing. Suddenly, she remembered what the strange man said en route to Olivine. See through the deceit.

“You’re lying,” she said.

“I don’t lie little girl,” Aeolus told her, bending to her level. “Now I tire of your presence. Metagross, come.”

Appearing from nowhere, Aeolus’ Metagross landed with a dull thud, a menacing look in his eye. The trainers slowly backed up, each clutching a Poké Ball. Aeolus smiled as energy began to gather on Metagross’ X.

“Aeolus, wait,” Alexander interjected. Aeolus waved his hand in front of Metagross, the energy disappearing. “Instead of offing them, how about we ask them to join our cause? We could always use more hands.”

“You make it sound like we’re an understaffed restaurant,” replied Aeolus. “But I trust your judgment. This is a one-time offer to join Team Lustrous. If you accept then I will spare you, if not, well then…”

The four looked at each other, a concerned look shared by all. Jayden stepped forward, raising his chin. “I would never join the likes of you.”

Stepping back, Kaylie grabbed his hand tightly, her breathing quick and shallow. Surprisingly, Lorin stepped forward, extending his hand. Jayden’s jaw dropped as Lorin passed him mouthing I’m sorry.

“Anyone else?” Aeolus asked, a wicked smile on his face.

“Kay, get over here,” Alexander told her.

Shaking her head vigorously, she wiped away the tears that began to fall from her eyes. Aeolus shook his head as well, waving his hand in front of Metagross once more. The energy began to charge, this time at a much quicker pace. Alexander tried to convince Aeolus to call off the attack again, but the latter feigned deafness, a wicked grin on his face. Hope dived in front of her friends, tossing her Poké Ball into the air. Noctowl burst forth, quickly hovering in front of his trainer. Just as the beam fired from Metagross, a green sphere engulfed Noctowl, causing the beam shooting off in a different direction.

“Now!” shouted Jayden.

The three trainers disappeared into the frenzy of people running wild not too far from them. The screams of both terror and sadness filled their ears. Grabbing both of his friend’s wrists, Jayden pulled them behind a small building with a falling sign above the entrance. The sign read General Goods and had a Sentret holding a Potion.

“We need to get out of here!” Kaylie shouted. “If we don’t then Team Lustrous is going to destroy us! Literally!”

“I agree with Kaylie,” Hope said quietly, almost drowned out by the screams.

“I’m not comfortable just leaving this city to Team Lustrous! And why did Lorin betray us like that?” Jayden slammed his fist on the side of the building, trying to come up with a plan. “One thing is clear; we can’t beat both Alexander AND Aeolus. If we could separate them, then we might stand a chance…”

“Last time we battled Alexander, it took three of our Pokémon to take out Tyranitar,” Kaylie told him. “There’s no way that we can beat him one on one. And there’s definitely not a chance of us beating Aeolus, even if all three of us took him on!”

“Our best option is to get out of here,” said Hope. “If we linger then we won’t have a chance.”

“Fine!” Finally submitting, Jayden drew a Poké Ball and motioned for the girls to do the same. “We better be ready to battle though. We’ll meet at the city limits in twenty minutes. If one of us is missing, the other two leave without them. Got it?”

The girls nodded, all three taking off in different directions. Running straight into the crowd, Jayden carefully weaved in and out of people, his eyes occasionally looking in the sky. A whistling sound came from behind him, getting louder and louder. Turning his head, Jayden drew a sharp breath in as a large beam of light struck the crowd he was in, missing him by a few feet. The resulting explosion threw him and thirty other people into the air. Hitting the ground shoulder first, the boy rolled over in pain, scrambling to his feet. Keeping his momentum, Jayden jumped over the many pieces of building strewn across the city. Almost reaching the Pokémon Center, the part of town Jayden had been in was completely deserted. He couldn’t see a trace of a single person. Many buildings caught fire while others had been thrown on their sides, completely demolished.

“Now what do we have here,” a familiar voice said, coming from seemingly nowhere.

Skidding to a halt, Jayden looked around, his breathing heavy. Standing behind a building not too far ahead of him was a girl. He couldn’t explain why her voice was familiar, but he swore that he had heard it somewhere before. The white robes she wore complimented her slender figure, her long skirt revealing her long legs. She brushed her blonde hair back, staring at Jayden with her cold blue eyes.

“Jayden,” she whispered. Her mouth had been covered by a white mask, obscuring her face, but the boy could hear her perfectly.

“Who are you?” Jayden demanded, clutching his Poké Ball tightly. Sweat dripped down his face, breaking off and hitting his knuckle. Trembling slightly, Jayden took a step back.

“I’m a former admirer of a Team Lustrous Executive. When they failed and became trash, I stopped following them. I’m talking about Lillian Sector.”

Jayden flinched at the sound of his mother’s name. His expression suddenly changed from fear to anger. Gripping the Poké Ball even tighter, Jayden took a step forward, holding the ball up. The girl drew a Poké Ball as well, tossing it into the air. Jayden launched his Poké Ball forward, Beedrill bursting forth. From the girl’s Poké Ball came a small canine Pokémon. It greatly resembled Houndoom greatly, having the same fur color and facial features, minus the horns. The small white rib-like bands on its back rose once it saw Beedrill.

“Houndour, destroy that bug with Ember!” the girl shouted.

“Beedrill, go in for a Twineedle!” Jayden countered.

Small flames began to gather in Houndour’s mouth, a smirk appearing on the pup’s face. Beedrill swiftly flew side to side towards his opponent, his movement hard to make out. Just before Houndour could unleash his blaze, Beedrill stabbed at him with one of his large barbs. Barely dodging, Houndour opened his mouth once more only to be met with the other barb. Sliding back, Houndour squealed in pain, growling at Beedrill. Unleashing a barrage of fireballs, Houndour leapt forward, pouncing at Beedrill, but the wasp was too quick. Swiftly dodging Houndour’s assault, Beedrill began his own, thrusting his stingers into Houndour’s side repeatedly.

“Poison Jab, now!” yelled Jayden.

Houndour began to retreat with Beedrill in close pursuit. One of Beedrill’s stingers suddenly began to glow a bright purple color, a sick bubbling noise coming from it. Houndour quickly dodged the first thrust, but was blindsided by the second stinger which started to glow purple just before contact. The Fire type slid back, struggling to get to his feet. Beedrill flew back to Jayden. His trainer had a smirk on his face. Above the crackling flames, there was the sound of someone clapping. Jayden’s head turned quickly, trying to locate the source of the applause. Walking from the same spot as the woman had was Aeolus. He placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder and whispered something inaudible to Jayden into her ear. A look of terror took over her face as she recalled Houndour. Walking back to the building, the girl slid to the ground, blankly staring at the wall.

“Well done,” complimented Aeolus. “You managed to defeat one of my grunts. Albeit, a new recruit, but still impressive nonetheless.”

“What do you want from me?” Jayden asked, carefully eyeing the man.

Beedrill flew in front of Jayden, separating his trainer from the leader of Team Lustrous. Aeolus laughed, placing his hands behind his back. “What is your name boy?”

“Jayden,” he answered. He nodded to Beedrill to assure him that everything was okay, recalling him back into his ball.

“Your surname, Jayden.”

“…Sector.”

A smile spread across Aeolus’ face. “I knew that you looked familiar. You look just like your mother, Lillian.”

Jayden’s hands began to tremble. Clenching his fists, he could feel the sweat on his palms slowly pool up by his fingers. Clenching his teeth, the young boy stopped himself from saying anything he might regret. Aeolus slowly approached Jayden, extending his arms out.

“Come and join Team Lustrous,” he said. “Follow in the footsteps of your mother. Work for me and push for a better future.”

What do I do? Jayden thought. If I don’t join him, then he’ll definitely kill me. But I can’t just join Team Lustrous. What about Kaylie? And Hope?

“I can’t join you,” Jayden finally answered.

“Well that’s too bad. I’ll give you a five second head start since your mother was one of my Executives.” Aeolus pulled out a Poké Ball which Jayden guessed contained his Metagross.

Taking off towards the city limits, something popped back into Jayden’s mind; the girl he had battled. Cursing under his breath, Jayden ran back to the side of the building the girl was sitting at and grabbed her hand.

“Three seconds left Jayden,” Aeolus reminded him.

“Come on!” Jayden urged. “He’ll kill you!”

“What’s the point?” the girl murmured. “Just leave me be.”

“I need to make up for letting all those other citizens get hurt,” Jayden yelled at her. “Saving you is a start!”

Throwing her over his shoulder, Jayden once again began his sprint towards the edge of town. Aeolus chuckled, placing his Poké Ball back into the inner pocket of his robes. With a wicked smile on his face, the leader of Team Lustrous turned back to Olivine City.

Sidewinder
7th September 2013, 2:53 AM
The crowds formed into a confused, scared mob, all trying to get away from something they couldn’t see.

I was able to visualize that really well. Treating the chaos like an unformed, shadowy monster. I liked it


Launching it into a crowd, a large, green dinosaur-like Pokémon appeared, emitting a loud roar

Felt like that was a big missed opportunity for some description. To me, Tyranitar has always been so ferocious and imposing that it deserves some real attention. I know this is the same Pokemon from earlier in the story, but as a reader you sometimes lose track of how in depth you get with descriptions and I feel like if you described it a bit more, it would go a long way


“You’re still hanging out with these losers?” he said condescendingly.

I don't know what you're feelings are on using swear words, but I felt like using a curse word of your choice could have added a little bit more power. You dig?


“I don’t lie little girl

I feel like that would flow better if there was a comma after 'lie'


“I’m a former admirer of a Team Lustrous Executive. When they failed and became trash, I stopped following them. I’m talking about Lillian Sector.”

I feel like that clears stuff up about the person, but that explanation seems a little bit too broad and revealing for a first time meet


It greatly resembled Houndoom greatly,

The word 'greatly' threw me off on the sentence since it was used so frequently in the same sentence


Small flames began to gather in Houndour’s mouth, a smirk appearing on the pup’s face. Beedrill swiftly flew side to side towards his opponent, his movement hard to make out. Just before Houndour could unleash his blaze, Beedrill stabbed at him with one of his large barbs. Barely dodging, Houndour opened his mouth once more only to be met with the other barb. Sliding back, Houndour squealed in pain, growling at Beedrill. Unleashing a barrage of fireballs, Houndour leapt forward, pouncing at Beedrill, but the wasp was too quick. Swiftly dodging Houndour’s assault, Beedrill began his own, thrusting his stingers into Houndour’s side repeatedly.

That, good sir, is a battle scene. It was to the point, quick paced, and very visual. That's the sort of stuff I want to see. Awesome job


You look just like your mother, Lillian.”

I feel like you could add a bit more power to that statement if you take the name lillian out. Obviously we know who he's talking about since he's addressing Jayden. Makes it sound more mysterious and dangerous if you leave it out. Make sense?

I enjoyed the fast pace of this chapter. Nicely done buddy. I'm eager for the next installment

fixthe_fernback
3rd October 2013, 5:53 AM
Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I've been...going through some stuff.

Sidewinder already pointed everything out that I noticed, so no need to reiterate any of that. Beyond that, another great chapter, buddy! Looking forward to the next chapter already!

Shadow Lucario
10th December 2013, 9:42 PM
I have returned! Since NaNoWriMo is finally over, I can get back to pleasing you guys with some Hero's Bond. I know it's been a while since the last chapter, but I'm hoping this one will kick it off right. Back with a vengeance, enjoy Chapter 30 of Hero's Bond!


Chapter 30: Return to Unity City

Silence reigned over the four trainers, the only noise coming from the crunching leaves underneath their shoes. Jayden stared at the ground while Kaylie and Hope looked off to different sides. The former Team Lustrous grunt, Grace, had decided it be best that she travel with them for a while, looking at each of them, a frown on her face.

“Thanks for saving me back there,” said Grace, finally breaking the silence. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if I stayed.”

There was no reply from Jayden. He simply stared at the ground as they walked his expression unchanging. Hope smiled at Grace and gave her a nod as if to say, “You’re welcome.”

“Where are we headed to?” Grace asked, trying her hardest to brighten everyone’s mood.

“Blackthorn City,” Jayden answered, not looking away from the ground. “It’s obvious we can’t handle Team Lustrous right now. There will be a lot of strong trainers and Pokémon on the way.”

“I’m from Blackthorn City!” Grace exclaimed. Looking up for the first time, Jayden raised an eyebrow at her. Kaylie and Hope looked at each other as well. “The fastest way to get there from here would be to go through both Ecruteak City and Mahogany Town. Then it’s a small trip through Ice Path and we’re there!”

“How strong are the trainers there?” Kaylie asked.

“Blackthorn City is known for being associated with Dragons,” Hope told Kaylie. “Even the gym leader uses Dragon type Pokémon. With them by their side, you can expect tough battles against a Dragon specialist.”

Jayden chuckled, stopping in his tracks. Taking a Poké Ball from his belt, he began to roll it over in his hand. Kissing it, he tossed the ball into the air, holding it high when he caught it.

“Maybe we’ll run into Lorin there,” he said. “Then I’ll make him explain why he betrayed us!”

“You’re forgetting about one thing,” a voice said from the trees.

Slowly walking from the forest came three men, all dressed in black suits. In fact, everything they wore was black; black tie, black shirt, black shoes, black sunglasses. They even had black hair. The four trainers all stood back to back, staring at the men as they surrounded them. A bead of sweat trickled down Jayden’s temple. He saw one of them men reach for his belt, about to draw a Poké Ball, but Jayden was quicker. Launching his Poké Ball forward, the ball cracked open to release Cyndaquil. The small, Fire type unleashed a barrage of fireballs onto the man. The man in black quickly jumped back, slapping a few embers off his cuff.

“Who are you guys?” Grace asked. Slowly backing up, she held up a Poké Ball, her hand trembling.

“My guess is they’re with the Black Organization,” Kaylie answered for them, sending out Aipom to back Cyndaquil up. “What could they want with us?”

“My name is John,” said the man who appeared to be the leader of the three. Taking off his sunglasses, he revealed light green eyes. Staring at Jayden, John smirked. “What we want with you is to help our organization fulfill our purpose.”

“Why would we want to help you?!” Jayden spat, gritting his teeth. “You’re no different from Team Lustrous!”

The two men behind John chuckled, shaking their heads. John carefully placed his sunglasses in his breast pocket, slowly approaching Jayden. Cyndaquil jumped in front of her trainer, the flames on her back burning brightly.

“That’s where you have us figured all wrong,” said John. “Team Lustrous seeks the eradication of any they deem unfit for their ideal society. What our organization seeks is immortality!”

“What?!” Hope gasped.

The four trainers were taken aback, the sudden revelation of the Black Organization’s goals surprising them. Jayden took a step back, unsure of how to process what he just heard.

“We want to help humanity! Protect them until the end of time! Join us in our quest and become a god!” John outstretched his hand, a maniacal smirk on his face, his eyes wide.

Taking a step forward, Jayden reached for John’s hand. Kaylie clasped her hand to her mouth, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. With a confident look on his face, John began to close his hand for a handshake when Jayden closed his into a fist, punching John in the stomach. The surprise attack knocked the wind out of John, pushing him back a few feet.

“I will never join you!” Jayden shouted, his hand still balled into a fist.

Spitting out a small amount of blood, John motioned for the other two to draw their Poké Balls. “Then it looks like we’ll have to get rid of you.”

Appearing on the Black Organization’s side were three Pokémon that Hope, Kaylie, and Jayden were already familiar with; Pidgeotto, Noctowl, and Ledian. Hope smiled as she tossed her Poké Ball into the air, Empoleon bursting forth, shaking the ground as he landed.

“Pidgeotto, hit them all with a Wing Attack!” one of the men commanded.

“Empoleon, block that Wing Attack with Steel Wing!” Hope countered.

Pidgeotto was the first one to move, her wings glowing bright. Heading straight for Cyndaquil, the bird didn’t flinch as Empoleon intercepted her, the edges of his wing glowing as well. Letting out a loud roar, Empoleon pushed Pidgeotto back, a barrage of bubbles shooting out from his beak. The bubbles crashed into Pidgeotto, knocking her out of the air.

“Cyndaquil, hit Pidgeotto with Flamethrower!” shouted Jayden.

“Ledian, stop that Flamethrower with Protect!” John yelled.

Zipping down to Pidgeotto’s side, a green sphere appeared around Ledian. The Bug type braced itself as the flames collided with the barrier. The flames nearly engulfed the shield, heat still getting through to Ledian. Taking back to the air, Pidgeotto flapped her wings furiously, small shockwaves of air rocketing towards Cyndaquil. Aipom leapt into action, the fist at the end of his tail glowing. As each shockwave neared, Aipom blocked them, not one getting through. Once Cyndaquil’s flames vanished, Ledian let down the barrier, breathing heavily.

“Noctowl, Air Slash now!” the last man called.

Just like Pidgeotto before him, Noctowl furiously flapped his wings to create much larger shockwaves than Pidgeotto had. Knowing that Aipom could protect them a second time, Empoleon jumped in front of the attack, his wings folded in front of himself. Each shockwave pushed Empoleon back slightly, hardly damaging it.

“Respond with a Hydro Cannon!” shouted Hope.

A large ball of water began to form in Empoleon’s beak, the ball glowing brilliantly. Each of the flying Pokémon dispersed in an attempt to throw Empoleon off. With a smirk, Hope pointed to all three of the opponents’ Pokémon.

“Not a problem,” she said. “Hydro Cannon Mach III!”

Turning his head in Noctowl’s direction, Empoleon let the ball loose. Before anyone could blink, Noctowl was hit, falling to the ground with a thud. Shocked, John tried to call out to Ledian to throw up another Protect, but Empoleon was too fast. Another ball of water crashed into Ledian, taking it out almost immediately. Pidgeotto attempted to fly out of range, but before he could move, the bird was struck, being pushed back into a tree.

“What?!” exclaimed John. “How is that possible?! Hydro Cannon leaves the user immobile! How could you possibly use it three times so quickly?!”

“The attack only renders you immobile once it has finished,” Hope explained. “That was all one attack!”

John gritted his teeth, his hands clenching as he stared Hope down. The three men recalled their Pokémon, retreating back into the trees, disappearing into the shadows. Cyndaquil snorted in their direction, releasing a small puff of smoke from her snout. Empoleon roared, shaking the trees in front of them, several bird Pokémon flying from the tops.

“We’ll need to be careful,” said Kaylie. “They might be back later on.”

Hope recalled her Empoleon, gripping the ball tightly. “Hopefully we can avoid them. I don’t know how many battles Empoleon can take.”

Placing Cyndaquil on his head, Jayden lead the way into the forest, his focus not on the surrounding area, but their destination. Grace followed behind them, occasionally looking around at the trees, eyeing the dark spots carefully. She had explained to them that the Black Organization members were exceptional at hiding in dark places, places you would never think someone would be able to hide. When they reached a clearing a few miles into the forest, they heard a small rustling noise. Cyndaquil jumped off Jayden’s head, her fire blazing. They expected a member of the Black Organization to jump out, but instead a little girl stumbled out, a small yellow rodent Pokémon behind her. She had a look of disgust on her face as she tried to rid her hair of the leaves and sticks. Her Pikachu possessed a similar look, picking at his tail.

“Dumb trees,” she whispered. “Dumb dirt, dumb leaves, dumb forest…”

“Hey,” Jayden said. The girl froze the instant he spoke. “I know you. You’re the little girl that posed as a Team Lustrous officer. Liz right?”

“That’s right,” said Liz, running up to the four trainers. “Thank goodness we ran into you guys! Pikachu and I got lost in this forest on our way to Olivine City. Can you help us?”

“Well, Olivine isn’t the place you want to be right now,” Hope told her. “Team Lustrous kind of took it over.”

“Olivine City too?!” Liz exclaimed.

“What do you mean too?” Jayden questioned, his eyes narrowing.

“Unity City was hit not too long ago,” she explained. “It’s like a ghost town.”

Jayden placed his hand to his forehead, trying to make sense of everything that had been happening. Team Lustrous had been attacking cities in an attempt to gain control of them, but to wipe it completely off the map? On the other hand, there was the Black Organization that had been involved in smaller scale things such as individual attacks or defense against Team Lustrous.

“We’re going to need to go to Unity City pronto,” Jayden told them.

“What about Blackthorn?” Kaylie asked.

“Unity City is a nerve center of Johto,” explained Jayden. “If Team Lustrous controls that, they’ll be able to control thirty percent of the region’s exports and imports. Control of that means they can control the distribution of the imports and in turn they will control the people.”

“This is going to be interesting,” said Hope.

“I know a shortcut there!” Liz exclaimed.

“Take us there!” Jayden shouted.

“It won’t be easy, but it will get you there faster.” Liz smirked at Jayden, nodding at her Pikachu. “I hope you guys are close cause your personal space is about to be violated.”


Taking them back from the way she came, Liz led the group to a small hole in the ground, big enough for one person to fit through at a time. She told them that it had been an underground railway that traveled all the way to the outskirts of Ilex Forest.

“If this is just underground, won’t it take the same amount of time?” Jayden asked.

“Jump in and figure out.” Liz smiled, stepping away from the hole.

Jayden shrugged and slid down into the hole. Darkness swallowed him, his eyes slowly adjusting. He could hardly see his own hand in front of his face. He called for Cyndaquil, catching her in his arms. Setting her down, she lit the fire on her back, illuminating the room. Not too far in front of him was a railroad car sitting upon train tracks. Now Jayden understood why Liz said their personal space would be violated. The car looked like it could sit two people comfortably, three people max.

“Did you die down there?” Jayden heard Hope call.

“No, but one of us might,” he shouted back. “Especially if you’re afraid of riding in unstable vehicles.”

Landing not too far from him was Hope followed by Kayle and Grace. Liz and her Pikachu jumped down as well.

“Apparently, this cart was used during a war a long time ago to get supplies to the troops without a chance of ambush,” said Liz. “Ever since then it’s been upgraded to travel quickly both ways instead of just one. Now get in!”

Without hesitation, Jayden hopped in the cart, Cyndaquil sitting in his lap. Kaylie followed, taking her seat next to Jayden. She grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. Letting out a sigh, Hope sat across from the other two, crossing her arms.

“How does it work exactly?” Grace wondered, looking around the cart for some sort of switch before climbing in.

“There’s a button just above Jayden’s head,” answered Liz, jumping into the cart as well. “Once he pushes that, we’ll be zipping through this tunnel and out by Ilex Forest in no time!”

Counting down from five, Jayden moved his hand closer to the small red button on the wall. When he got to one, he pressed the button as hard as he could. A few seconds passed and they hadn’t moved an inch. The trainers all stared at Liz, thinking she had made some mistake. Liz just smiled. A few seconds later, the cart began to make a whirring noise, the wheels beginning to spin. The cart took off down the tunnel, going at least forty miles per hour. Grace let out a small scream, trying to hold her hair down. The first turn was coming up, and boy was it a sharp one. Right before, Jayden pulled Kaylie with him into the others, shifting their weight into the turn. Kaylie nearly took out Liz while Jayden’s face landed on Hope’s chest. Jayden jumped back almost immediately, both him and Hope blushing. Kaylie hadn’t seen the awkward interaction between the two as she had been constantly apologizing to Liz and Pikachu.

“Here comes a dip!” Grace shouted.

The passengers all grabbed onto the edge, their hearts all racing. The cart began its descent on the rails, the steepness slightly increasing over time. Finally returning to flat ground, the cart picked up speed, now hitting an upward hill. They reached the top in no time, sun rays poking through small holes in the ground above. Peering ahead, Jayden could see the end of the tracks. Slowly, the cart lost its speed before coming to a complete stop at the end. Once everyone was out of the cart, Liz showed them a little further down the tunnel to a ladder. Leading them up back to the surface, the group saw the boundary to Ilex Forest behind them and the city limits of Azalea Town ahead of them. Unlike the last time they had been there, the town had been bustling, nearly crowding the small town. The smokestacks had been removed, the air beginning to clear up. Walking into the town felt much different than before. Instead of an empty, dead feeling, it felt alive and cheerful. Everyone was polite when they passed by, saying sorry if they bumped into somebody.

“Hey!” someone shouted to the group of trainers.

All of them turned to see a group of three kids around the same age as they were, approaching them. The boy in the middle smirked at them, flipping his long blonde hair. The girl to his left also wore a smirk, staring intently at Kaylie while the other boy looked off into the ground, his hands nervously fidgeting with the other.

“What do you want?” Jayden asked.

“Is that your Cyndaquil?” the boy asked, pointing to Cyndaquil who had still been sitting on Jayden’s head.

“Of course. Why do you ask?” Jayden’s eyes narrowed, not too sure what the boy was up to.

“My name is Thomas and I challenge you to a battle!” Just as the boy announced it, everyone who had been running about stopped, gasping when they heard the challenge. The crowds instantly formed a large circle around them, whispers rising.

“We don’t have time for this,” Jayden said to himself. He pulled out a Poké Ball and enlarged it. “You’re on then! But I won’t be humoring you for long!”

A smirk still on his face, Thomas launched his Poké Ball, light spilling out. The light slowly began to form, taking the shape of a Totodile. The Water type had the same smirk as his trainer, crossing his arms. Jayden tossed his Poké Ball into the air, releasing Beedrill.

“Totodile, Water Gun attack!” Thomas shouted.

“I don’t think so,” said Jayden.

Totodile reared his head back, water beginning to gather in the back of his mouth. Beedrill appeared in front of Totodile before he could even blink, jabbing him repeatedly in the chest with his stingers. The water slowly trickled out of Totodile’s mouth onto the ground as he fell back. Jumping back up, Totodile rapidly fired off streams of water, all of them missing Beedrill.

“Poison Jab,” Jayden shouted.

Swiftly dodging all the water streams, Beedrill flew in close again, startling Totodile. Before the water type could react, Beedrill began to jab him again, this time his stingers glowing a faint purple. Totodile fell to the ground, no longer moving. Thomas glared at Jayden, recalling Totodile.

“This battle is over,” Jayden announced, recalling his Beedrill.

“My turn with you girly,” shouted the girl, pointing at Kaylie. “I’ll show you how we battle in Azalea!”

The girl sent out a Sentret, the Normal type standing tall on her tail. Deciding it would be best to get this over with quickly, Kaylie released her Aipom, the small monkey more interested in the amount of people instead of Sentret. Sentret began to scratch at Aipom, the latter slapping the former away with one quick tail movement.

“Aipom just use Focus Punch,” Kaylie told him, not wanting this to continue much longer.

“Sentret, use Tackle before he can get the attack off,” the girl ordered.

Sentret dashed forward in an attempt to throw off Aipom’s focus. Instead, Aipom jumped on Sentret’s shoulders, using her as a boost. Launching himself straight up, Aipom came back down, slamming his tail into Sentret’s back, knocking her unconscious.

“What in the-?!” The girl gritted her teeth as she recalled Sentret. “Looks like you guys are better than we thought.”

“And what made you think they weren’t good?” Hope questioned.

“Time to go,” the quiet boy said suddenly, turning back towards the crowd. The other two followed, not saying a word. When the crowd surrounded Jayden and Kaylie, the boy smiled. “Perfect. Just perfect.”

“So what exactly was that plan?” Thomas asked. “Totodile could have been hurt y’know.”

“Sentret took a beating too,” the girl said, slightly stroking her Poké Ball.

“The plan was to delay them for a brief period,” the boy explained. “I’m sure Bugsy saw that battle and knowing him, he’ll be interested in both of them. That will give Aeolus all the time he needs.”

Shadow Lucario
28th January 2014, 10:06 AM
After another long break I have finally brought you the 31st chapter of Hero's Bond! I had a different plot planned for this chapter, but I had to scrap it and lost a few pages worth of story. Going back and hammering it out again, I finally figured out where everything was headed. Now here is the finished product. Don't forget to nominate your favorite fics in the awards. Seems like this year is kinda slow. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 31: The New Path

“Excellent battle skills. Both of you ended the battle before it dragged on too long. And you used a Bug type!”

When the crowd finally dispersed, Jayden and Kaylie had been confronted by a young man. He carried a net in one hand, a Poké Ball in his other. He had explained to them that he had been passing by when he came upon their battle. Seeing a Beedrill, he immediately became interested.

“Thanks,” said Jayden.

“Maybe you guys would like to battle with me,” the young man suggested. “I’m Bugsy and I’m this town’s Gym Leader.”

“We would love to Bugsy, but we have to get going to Unity City,” Kaylie told him.

“Then it’s a good thing I changed how I conduct my gym battles.” Bugsy motioned for the group to follow him.

The town of Azalea was the smallest town Jayden had been to, even smaller than New Bark. It took nearly five minutes to get across town to Bugsy’s gym. The front gate read Azalea Gym, but behind it was what appeared to be a large plane in the shape of a Butterfree. Pushing the gate open, Bugsy led them to the plane, pressing a small button on his net. Stairs jutted out from the side of the plane, a door swinging open at the top of the stairs.

“This is your gym?” Hope asked, her mouth hanging open.

“Ever since they opened that new gym in Unity City, I figured it would be best to recreate my gym. I give people a plane ride to Unity City so that challengers could get to the next one easier while challenging me.” Bugsy smiled, going up the stairs two at a time.

Liz was the first to follow him, Pikachu right behind her. The other four shrugged and entered the plane as well. The inside was much larger than the outside suggested. The back of the plane was a large battlefield, taking up the most space.

“We’ll have to take a seat while the plane takes off.” Bugsy pointed to the front where ten seats had been fixed at the edge of the battle field.

“Isn’t it a bit dangerous to battle in a flying plane?” Jayden asked as everyone took a seat.

“The plane has been built with Poké Shield technology,” Bugsy explained. “Any attack that flies off toward the walls or seats hits a force field that contains it so no damage is done to the actual plane.”

“Butterfree plane, use Protect,” Kaylie joked, buckling herself in.

“Now who will be battling me?”

Kaylie and Jayden raised their hands while Bugsy gave them a smile.

“This will give me an opportunity to test out this new battle type I have wanted to try.” Bugsy pressed a few buttons on a dashboard at the front of the plane and the engine roared into life. Slowly, they began to move. Quickly buckling himself in, Bugsy instructed them to wait until they reached maximum altitude to unbuckle. The plane began to pick up speed, the wheels leaving the ground. Liz squealed slightly when the plane took off, her eyes shut tightly. A few minutes after, they heard a slight DING. Bugsy jumped from his seat and pulled out a Poké Ball. Kaylie and Jayden did the same, following him to the battlefield in the back.

“So here’s how this will go,” Bugsy started. “This will be a two on one battle, but not a double battle. Each of you will only use one Pokémon and I will choose two. Whichever of you sends out a Pokémon first has to battle the one I send out first. If I switch out, then your partner must send their Pokémon out. Only I can substitute. Understand?”

“I think so,” Jayden answered. He turned to Kaylie and whispered to her, “I have the advantage here so I’ll send in Cyndaquil first.”

“No, we’ll save you for last just in case he knocks my Pokémon out,” Kaylie whispered back.

Launching their Poké Balls onto the field, Kaylie and Bugsy stared each other down, neither of them flinching as the blinding white light filled the room. On Kaylie’s side appeared her Ledian, quickly darting up and down, punching the air. Across from them came a Beedrill, identical to Jayden’s.

“A Ledian,” Bugsy gasped. “Too cool!”

“Ledian, start with Comet Punch!” Kaylie commanded.

Ledian flew in towards Beedrill, the latter buzzing back and forth. Ledian threw several punches with each of his arms, all of them connecting. Beedrill floated backwards, slightly stunned.

“Show them Pin Missile,” said Bugsy.

Several smaller needles shot off of Beedrill’s, a small amount hitting Ledian. Both Bug types hovered, not moving an inch.

“This won’t go anywhere if they keep throwing weak attacks at each other,” said Grace, one hand on her chin.

“What do you mean? It seemed like Ledian did more damage to Beedrill.” Liz grabbed her Pikachu and sat him down on her lap.

“While Ledian did indeed do more damage with its attack, the attack itself didn’t do much damage. It loses power in favor of speed.” Grace narrowed her eyes. “Maybe they’re trying to force Bugsy to show them his strongest attack first.”

“Ledian, continuous Comet Punch!” Kaylie shouted.

Flying up high, Beedrill avoided Ledian, traveling at the very edge of the barrier. Giving chase, Ledian tried to catch up, but couldn’t match the hornet’s speed. Beedrill did a complete 360, small needles raining upon Ledian again. Pushing through them, the ladybug began his assault on Beedrill, rapidly punching him all over. The hornet fell back, trying to escape the flurry of fists, but Ledian didn’t let up. Continuing in his attack, Ledian furiously jabbed his opponent all over, floating down to the ground after a full minute.

“Alright Beedrill, time to counterattack,” said Bugsy. “Poison Jab!”

His breathing heavy, Ledian could only watch as Beedrill swooped down on him. The hornet thrust his now purple stinger into Ledian’s gut, the latter being pushed back a few feet. Shaking off the pain, Ledian charged forward, his wings flapping slightly. Just before he could throw another round of punches, Beedrill turned into a red light, being sucked back into the Poké Ball in Bugsy’s hand.

“Time to switch it up.” Bugsy wore a smirk on his face as he changed Poké Balls.

Kaylie scoffed, recalling her Ledian. Good thing he substituted, she thought. I don’t think Ledian could handle much more of that.

“Looks like it’s our turn.” Jayden pulled out a Poké Ball, tossing it into the air.

Cyndaquil burst forth, igniting her flame immediately. Bugsy tossed his Poké Ball as well, a smile still on his face. When the light cleared, what stood in front of Cyndaquil was a large red creature. Its two giant claws hung at its side, swaying back and forth. Its eyes locked onto Cyndaquil’s, the latter slightly backing up.

“Don’t underestimate my Scizor,” Bugsy said with confidence. “Go, Metal Claw!

The Pokémon known as Scizor dashed forward, appearing in front of Cyndaquil before anyone could blink. One of its claws was raised above its head, glowing brightly. Jumping to the side, Cyndaquil narrowly dodged being crushed. Before Cyndaquil could land, Scizor turned, swinging his arm around as well. This time, Scizor’s large claw caught Cyndaquil in the stomach, pushing her to the opposite wall.

“Cyndaquil, you have to keep moving!” Jayden shouted when he saw Scizor continue his pursuit.

Cyndaquil rolled back to her feet, sliding under Scizor’s legs. With a front flip, Cyndaquil unleashed a barrage of fireballs on Scizor’s back, all of them connecting perfectly. The attack forced Scizor to one knee, the creature cringing in pain.

“Again!” Jayden yelled.

Just like before, Cyndaquil launched several fireballs at Scizor’s back, but to her surprise, the Bug type vanished. Looking all around, Cyndaquil tensed herself up, ready for Scizor where ever he appeared. The red creature suddenly appeared in front of her, disappearing just as quickly as he came. Now he was behind her, one of his claws rising.

“Cyndaquil, turn up your flame!” Jayden shouted.

The flames of Cyndaquil’s back flared up, jumping into Scizor’s face. The Bug type stumbled backward, temporarily blinded. Unleashing a round of fireballs, Cyndaquil dashed at her opponent. Scizor tried to dodge, but the burns from the previous attacks caused too much pain for much movement. Cyndaquil became engulfed in flames, colliding with Scizor. The latter fell to the ground, trying to push himself up.

“Scizor is done,” Jayden called to Bugsy. “Call this one or he will hurt himself.”

“Scizor, we lost this one buddy,” Bugsy told him as he pulled out his Poké Ball. “Now it’s up to Beedrill.”

Beedrill reappeared on the field, replacing Scizor while Ledian did the same with Cyndaquil. Jayden nodded at Kaylie, letting her know to do her best. Kaylie smiled, cracking her knuckles.

“Comet Punch!” shouted Kaylie.

“Twineedle!” yelled Bugsy.

The Bug types clashed, one throwing punches, the other throwing stabs. Neither one could hit their attack head on. Ledian threw a high punch, but Beedrill ducked it. Beedrill attempted to stab Ledian in the side, but the latter grabbed his stinger, much to Beedrill’s surprise. Pulling him in, Ledian finally landed a punch in Beedrill’s face, knocking him a few feet back.

“Pin Missile, go!” Bugsy ordered.

Beedrill circled Ledian, trying to confuse him as to where he was going. Just like they did before, tiny needles shot off of Beedrill’s stingers, hitting Ledian all over. The ladybug wavered in the air, nearly falling to the ground.

“Ledian,” Kaylie called. “Please, hang in there! Go for Mach Punch!”

The cries of his trainer pushed Ledian on. He knew this battle was important. And he knew that he couldn’t lose. Ledian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for that. Pushing through the needles, Ledian pulled back his glowing fist. Beedrill tried to move out of the way, but Ledian just picked up speed, slamming his fist into Beedrill’s back. The hornet crashed into the floor, no longer moving. Ledian wiped what would be his brow, landing on the ground as well.

“Wow, what an attack!” Bugsy exclaimed.

“Great job, Ledian,” Kaylie complimented her Pokémon. “You’re as strong as ever!”

Ledian flexed his tiny arms, falling over as soon as Bugsy recalled Beedrill. Kaylie rushed to his side, but Ledian sat up instantly, showing her that he was fine.

“He’s probably tired,” Bugsy said, both of his hands clenching something in them. “These are for you and Jayden.”

Now in Kaylie’s hand were two small badges that looked just like a ladybug’s back. When she showed Ledian, the Pokémon laughed, glancing at his own back to compare. Kaylie handed Jayden his badge, the latter planting a kiss on her cheek. She couldn’t help but blush. Bugsy let them know that they had been approaching Unity City and were to be landing in about five minutes.

“…What happened?” Hope gasped. She nudged Kaylie and Jayden, pointing out of the window.

“This…is Unity City?” Jayden whispered looking down on the large city.

“But…but…it was destroyed,” stammered Kaylie.

The last time they had been on this side of the region, the entire city had been demolished, not a soul in sight. Now, every building was shining as if it hadn’t been touched. People bustled about, appearing like ants from above. A large tower loomed in the center, rising above all the other buildings.

“Take your seats,” instructed Bugsy, buckling himself in.

All the trainers quickly buckled themselves. Hope stared out the window in disbelief, her palms sweating as they descended towards the airport. Exiting the plane, the three trainers walked towards the main building, their mouths agape.

“Guys, I have to jet now!” Liz said suddenly.

“Where are you going?” Hope asked.

“I told my mom that if I ever got back to Unity City that I would visit her and my grandma,” she explained.

Waving goodbye, Liz and Pikachu took off towards a gate leading to the street. Bugsy directed them to the terminal, letting them know that a cab to the Unity City gym would be waiting. With a simple wave, Bugsy returned to his plane, calling someone over to talk about refueling. Inside the airport, there seemed to be even more people than there were outside. Kaylie grabbed onto Jayden’s forearm, not wanting to lose him in the crowds. Hope grabbed onto Kaylie’s shirt and Grace grabbed onto Hope’s arm. They snaked their way to the entrance after being bumped into numerous times. A man stood by the doors, a sign in his hand that read Kaylie and Co.

“Oh it’s Kaylie and Co.,” she said with a sly smile on her face. “I’m like the main character in a movie or book.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Jayden told her with a laugh.

Greeting the man with the sign, he led them to his cab outside. The girls hopped in the back while Jayden took the front seat. Bringing the engine to life, the driver asked if everyone had been prepared. When they all confirmed, he took off, veering into traffic, narrowly avoiding three different cars.

“So how did your battle with Bugsy go?” the driver asked Jayden.

“Oh it went well,” he answered. “Got the win.”

“How many badges?”

“Uh, four.”

“Halfway there.” The driver looked over at Jayden, quickly looking back to the road.

“Yup.” Jayden began to tap his hands on his knees, avoiding eye contact with the man.

“I collected six badges myself when I was young,” the driver said. “Came down with an illness and had to stop travelling.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Jayden still did not look over at him, opting instead to look all over the front of the car. “It’s good that you got better though.”

“Yup.” The driver tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel. This time it was he who avoided eye contact, staring straight ahead instead.

Silence fell over them, an occasional yawn breaking it. The traffic had been just as bad as the crowds in the city, taking nearly ten minutes to get through one light. Jayden and the driver exchanged awkward glances every now and again, neither one saying a word.

Staring out the window, Hope looked in awe at the city before her. It looked as if nothing had actually happened there, as if it were perfect for years. The buildings all had that new look, but gave off an established feeling. Crowd after crowd crossed the streets, people pushing their way to work or their way home. Looking up at the clear blue sky, Hope recalled the day they passed through, the darkness that covered the sky, and the pain they could feel emanating from the ruins. All of it had been replaced with an overall happy feeling. People smiled as they walked, laughing even.

“Almost there,” the driver said, turning down a side street.

The road became narrow, the amount of people decreasing significantly. Soon they reached a large wall that had been placed between two large houses. Stepping out, the driver looked down the street, peering over the top of his car. He motioned for the others to get out of the car as well. Not wanting to question it, they all stepped outside, not too sure of what they were doing.

“Um, what’s going on?” Jayden questioned. “I thought we were going to the gym.”

“That would only be possible if I had a gym to take you to,” said the driver.

“Wait, Bugsy said that you would take us there,” Kaylie told him. “Are you saying that he lied?”

“Both yes and no.” Walking up to the wall, the driver put his ear to it, tapping it lightly after a few seconds. “The gym here is in many places. Right now, your gym battle will be to assist me.”

“Assist you in what?” Hope slowly asked, not too sure if she wanted to know.

The driver chuckled, leaning against the car. “Let me start by introducing myself. I am Glenn Farr, Unity City gym leader and Water type specialist. I don’t know if you’ve been to this city before, but not too long ago, there was nothing here. All that was here were the remains of a once prosperous city. My city.”

Glenn looked down; his hands had begun to tremble. A small tear formed in the corner of his eye, staying motionless as if it were stuck there. He took a deep breath, wiping the tear away.

“Now something happened between then and a few weeks ago,” Glenn went on. “The city sprung back to life.. Thing is, all the people here, they seem to not have any clue of a city not being here just a month ago. It struck me as odd so I started digging.”

Glenn took a cigarette pack out from his pocket. He quickly lit one, taking a long drag. Flicking off the excess embers, Glenn took a deep breath, the shaking of his hand slowly calming.

“Team Lustrous had been here not too long ago. I had found some people that were present just before they got here. They told me that Team Lustrous had come suddenly, without any kind of warning.”

“Maybe we could use their help in getting people to realize that something is wrong here,” Hope suggested.

Glenn laughed, taking another drag from his cigarette. “Too bad they all disappeared. Not a single trace of them is left.”

“That means that Team Lustrous is still here.” Jayden looked around carefully, keeping his voice low.

“What we need to do is somehow infiltrate their ranks and find out what is going on.” Glenn tossed his cigarette to the ground, crushing it with his foot.

“They know all of our faces,” Kaylie said. “It will be impossible for us.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

-------------------------------------------

“John, did you check the entire floor?”

“Yeah, for the trillionth time.”

The third floor of the large skyscraper had been silent, the only noise coming from the men’s’ footsteps and occasional bickering. What little light the evening sun offered shone through the windows, large shadows cast across the room.

The men wore the distinctive white robes of Team Lustrous. Their hoods had been up, obscuring their faces from anyone that saw them. They began to talk once more as they walked, this time discussing the faction they belonged to. The one named John thought they had deserved a higher rank for having been involved with them for nearly five years. The other told John that since they hadn’t taken part in any of the battles with the Black Organization that they were the last people to get promoted. Just as they rounded a corner, a shadow jumped out from behind a large plant, quickly chopping John on the back of the neck, knocking him out cold. With a quick punch to the chest followed by a knee to the stomach, the other was out as well.

“That makes five,” Glenn’s voice said. “Put the robes on and we’ll get going.”

Glenn quickly undressed the grunts, tossing the robes to Kaylie and Jayden who then replaced their current clothes. To his surprise, and joy, Jayden discovered that there had been a face mask in the clothes as well. Jayden gave Glenn a thumb up, pulling the mask over his mouth.

“If this building follows Unity City regulations, then the fourth floor will be the surveillance floor,” started Glenn. He pulled out a small pen like device, a rhythmic beeping emitting from it.

“What is that?” Grace carefully asked, pulling her hood up as well.

“It detects radio waves,” Glenn explained. “It will let us know when we’re near a computer.”

Jayden rolled the idea over in his head once, snorting shortly after. “Won’t it be telling us that a lot then? I thought you said the surveillance floor was above us. Computers must be on the surveillance floor.”

Glenn chuckled, holding his device high in the air. A smile drew its way across his face as the beeping began to speed up. Making their way down the hallway, the beeping slowed, eventually stopping. Placing the device back into his pocket, Glenn led them into another room. Jayden could hear the device begin its beeping again. The new room was set up like a conference room. There was a large table in the middle, chairs lining the sides. A stair case lined the back wall, wrapping up to the next floor. A computer sat in the middle of the table, a dim light coming from the screen. Glenn ignored it and went straight to the stairs, climbing them two at a time.

“Glenn, there’s a computer right there,” Jayden observed. “How come that thing isn’t going berserk?”

“That’s not the computer we’re looking for,” Glenn said simply, throwing the door at the top of the staircase open. “The one we are looking for emits a specific frequency. While that frequency has similarities to the ones that all computers emit, my device is designed to let me know exactly where the computer I want to find is.”

Just as Glenn had predicted, the fourth floor was the surveillance floor. Computer monitors and cameras had been placed everywhere. The screens where filled with shots from all over the building. A few more grunts had been placed here and there, watching the screens carefully. Jayden bit his lip, trying his best to control his anger. Hope began to tremble, an uneasy feeling building in her stomach. Grabbing her hand, Hope took a deep breath, remembering that acting out here could end very badly. Grace pulled her hood farther over her face, trying to hide from the other grunts. Beginning their walk, Glenn told them to act natural. Avoiding all eye contact, Kaylie’s breathing became shallow. She could feel their eyes travelling over her, watching her move, taking in every detail they could. Kaylie shook off her thoughts, trying to remain calm. Before she knew it, she found herself on the ground. Looking up quickly, she saw a hand. Not sure of who it was, Kaylie scrambled to her feet, ignoring the hand completely.

“Try to keep it together,” Glenn whispered to her furiously. Glenn looked over to the Team Lustrous grunts and smiled. “New recruits. Am I right?”

“I hear ya.” The grunts chuckled, going about their business.

Picking up the pace, Glenn took the device out of his pocket, raising it into the air once more. The beeping quickened as they neared the stairs. Just before they got there, a hand grabbed Grace’s arm, spinning her around. She came face to face with a man barely taller than she was. He brushed his red hair out of his face, taking a good look at her.

“I knew it was you, Grace!” he said excited. “I heard you were deployed to Olivine City though. What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um, Aeolus told me to return here before we even got there,” Grace lied. “I, uh, I r-ran into these new recruits on my way in and we were taking a tour.”

“A tour huh.” The man walked to the front of the group and spread his arms, a large smile on his face. “Then allow me, Ted, to welcome you to Team Lustrous. You’re standing in our main building of operations. This is where we compile all our data.”

“What kind of data?” Jayden asked, eyeing the man carefully.

“All kinds,” answered Ted. “Member information, mission history, available Pokémon.”

Jayden’s eye lit up, a burning feeling in his chest. He could feel a lump building in his throat, sweat beginning to build around his temple.

“How far back do you archive member information?” Hope looked back at Jayden and could read just what he was going to ask. “I met a Team Lustrous member a long time ago and I want to know everything I can about them.”

Ted led them up the stairs onto the fifth floor as if to let her question answer itself. The fifth floor looked much like the fourth. In the place of camera feeds was a large symbol that appeared to be globe that had been stripped of the countries and replaced with a grid. Bringing them over to one of the computers, Ted typed a few things into the keyboard and brought up a search screen.

“Did you know the name of that operative?” Ted asked.

Hope looked at Jayden again. He had been staring at the ground, not moving an inch. Hope swallowed the saliva that began to pool in her mouth and took a deep breath. “Lillian Sector was her name.”

“She was my idol for a long time as well.” Ted typed in her name and sure enough a picture of a woman bearing a striking resemblance to Jayden appeared.

She had light brown hair and deep green eyes that made you feel at peace. Jayden had to fight back the tears he knew were going to build up. Looking away, Jayden balled his fists, his fingernails digging into his palms. Kaylie wanted to console him, tell him that she was here, but any action that suggested they were not who they said they were, wasn’t best to make at the moment.

“She was a great operative,” said Ted. “Some say she was the best. Here it says that she had been part of the First Division. Until ten years ago, Team Lustrous had been separated into divisions. Anyone in the First, those were the Executives, the best. Her bio says she joined the team at age 12 and was promoted to First Division at age 19. She was the second youngest to be promoted there.”

“Where is she now?” Grace asked, trying to keep up the ruse.

“Sadly, she fell in combat.” Ted scrolled down on the page, reading ahead on her bio. “She was ambushed by a group from the Black Organization on a mission to take back Cherrygrove. It says here that she had a husband and a son. When the team approached her husband, he refused to join.”

Glenn took the time that Ted used to explain and began going around the room, holding his device close to his chest underneath his robes. He went over all the computers and screens with it, not missing a single one.

“These computers are at your disposal,” Ted told them. “This is the last floor that us grunts are allowed on. Above this is the executive department. Do your best and if you’re ever in the field, good luck. Nice seeing you again, Grace.”

The man returned to the fourth floor, leaving the group of five alone. Kaylie quickly walked to Jayden and wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair softly. She whispered into his ear that everything would be okay. Not wanting to hold it back any more, Jayden tightly grabbed onto Kaylie and began to sob into her shoulder. Hope pulled Grace forward, telling her that it would be best if they left them alone.

“Did you find it?” Hope asked Glenn. The man shook his head, tapping the device on his bottom lip. “You don’t think it’s upstairs do you?”

“It must be.” Glenn looked at the ceiling before holding the device in the air. The beeping picked up its pace slightly, becoming about half a beat faster.

“There’s no way to get to the other floors without authorization,” Grace told him. “And if we don’t have proper authorization we’ll be found out immediately.”

Glenn shook his head and headed across the room to the stairs anyway with Grace and Hope in tow. The stairs to the sixth floor had been much longer. At the top, they could see a type of keypad by the door handle. Just above that was what appeared to be a scanner, a blue light emitting from it.

“See? We can’t get any farther.” Grace turned back down the stairs and was about to head down when she heard a loud hiss coming from the door. Slowly turning her head, she saw the door begin to open. “How did you do that?”

Glenn’s mouth hung open. He had no idea of what the code could have been. He hadn’t even tried yet! “I didn’t do that.”

Just beyond the door, they could see the frame of a man, motioning for them to enter. Kaylie and Jayden ran up the stairs, reaching them in seconds.

“We heard the hiss,” Kaylie said. “What’s going on?”

“Your mission is almost complete,” said a voice from just beyond the door.

When he heard the voice, Jayden’s eyes widened, his expression quickly changing to shock. Kaylie wore a similar expression, sure she had heard that voice somewhere before. Pushing the door open and stepping out was a man with messy black hair. His clothes had been tattered, dark spots covering his skin. He smirked when he saw Jayden, scratching the back of his head.

“I guess you figured out what you wanted to do then,” the man said.

“…yeah,” Jayden said quietly. “At first I thought it was to challenge gyms and collect badges. But then I realized that the gyms were just for training me, honing my skills. What I really want to do is help people. And I can start by destroying Team Lustrous.”

The man chuckled. “I suppose that would make any parent proud. Great choice, son.”

Sidewinder
9th February 2014, 5:15 PM
First off, I'd like to apologize for my long absence from the forum and for my neglect of your fic. I was starting to feel burned out and I needed a break. I'm still very much interested in your story and I'm sorry it took me so long to get here buddy

Chapter 30


“Thanks for saving me back there,” said Grace, finally breaking the silence. “I don’t know what would have happened to me if I stayed.”

She'd probably have her neck broken lol


Then it’s a small trip through Ice Path and we’re there!

I really feel like it's not going to be that simple


but Jayden was too quick.

I think that would read better if you put 'but Jayden was quicker'


“We want to help humanity! Protect them until the end of time! Join us in our quest and become a god!”

Every team in your story has such a god complex lmao. Seriously though, one thing to watch for in your dialogue is to try and humanize the characters a bit. While the speech I quoted works on this instance, you need to make sure they dont sound so high and mighty all the time without purpose. You dig? There's nothing wrong with speaking richly and grandiosely, but if it comes out of every member of every team every time, it can get kind of annoying


Turning his head in Noctowl’s direction, Empoleon let the ball loose. Before anyone could blink, Noctowl was hit, falling to the ground with a thud. Shocked, John tried to call out to Ledian to throw up another Protect, but Empoleon was too fast. Another ball of water crashed into Ledian, taking it out almost immediately. Pidgeotto attempted to fly out of range, but before he could move, the bird was struck, being pushed back into a tree.

Hah! That was an exhilarating moment. I liked it. Adequate description and inventiveness with the attack. Good job!


“Did you die down there?” Jayden heard Hope call.

That made me laugh


“We don’t have time for this,” Jayden said to himself

Then why doesn't he just refuse?

Chapter 31


The plane has been built with Poké Shield technology

Glad someone else had the idea for a protective shield during Pokemon battles lol...very inventive. Kudos!


A Ledian,” Bugsy gasped. “Too cool!

I really liked how you captured a child-like demeanor in him and mixed it with the obviously adult version of him flying a plane and using shield tech. He's actually pretty fun and interesting. Good job!


When the light cleared, what stood in front of Cyndaquil was a large red creature. Its two giant claws hung at its side, swaying back and forth. Its eyes locked onto Cyndaquil’s, the latter slightly backing up.

I felt like you could have done better with the description of Scizor. While I liked that you made him intimidating enough that Cyndaquil jigged a little bit, the description was basically about two big claws, which makes me think of two claws being held together by an invisible body. It was odd



“Now something happened between then and a few weeks ago,” Glenn went on. “The city sprung back to life.. Thing is, all the people here, they seem to not have any clue of a city not being here just a month ago. It struck me as odd so I started digging.”

This is gonna be fun lol. I'm eager to see where you take this



“She was my idol for a long time as well.” Ted typed in her name and sure enough a picture of a woman bearing a striking resemblance to Jayden appeared.

She had light brown hair and deep green eyes that made you feel at peace. Jayden had to fight back the tears he knew were going to build up. Looking away, Jayden balled his fists, his fingernails digging into his palms. Kaylie wanted to console him, tell him that she was here, but any action that suggested they were not who they said they were, wasn’t best to make at the moment.

I could really feel the emotion from him there and his struggle to keep it contained. Good job


The man chuckled. “I suppose that would make any parent proud. Great choice, son.”

omg! WTF!? Haha that was unexpected and extremely intriguing. I'm excited for the next update

Shadow Lucario
22nd September 2014, 5:54 AM
For the first time in months, Hero's Bond has finally been updated. A lot has happened over the past months that have prevented me from updating this, but I have finally gotten everything settled and can hopefully get back into the swing of things. Here is chapter 32. Enjoy.


Chapter 32: In the Distance

Silence filled the room. Stepping aside to let them in, Daniel patted Jayden on the back.

“Dad, what happened to you,” Jayden asked once the door had closed.

“Team Lustrous came after me when I dropped your aunt off at home,” he explained. “They told me that I had to go with them. I tried to fight, but there was too many of them. They dragged me here and have been holding me for quite a while.”

“How did you escape?” asked Kaylie. “They wouldn’t have left you unguarded. They obviously want you for a reason.”

Glenn stepped in between them, smiling at both. “Sorry to interrupt, but can we find what I came here to find first?”

Daniel sighed, now turning to Glenn. “What is it that you’re looking for?”

“A computer. It is supposed to contain information about everything that Team Lustrous is planning. They have some agenda and I need to find out where Johto fits in there.”

Daniel placed a hand on his chin, scratching it slightly. He pointed across the room to a large desk. There was a large screen sitting on top of it, a dim light coming off it. Glenn walked over to it, his pen device in hand. Sure enough, the device went berserk, beeping faster than it ever had. Throwing his hands in the air, Glenn sat behind the desk and began typing. The screen lit up and various menus and codes popped up. Glenn’s fingers moved faster than anyone’s eyes could follow. Concentrating on the screen, he hardly blinked as he typed.

“And we are done here,” said Glenn. He hit a few more keys before standing up.

“Well?” Grace asked him.

Glenn looked around confused. “Well what?”

“What are they planning?” Hope asked, an agitated tone in her voice.

“The only thing I could pull off this computer is that they are going to strike Mahogany Town,” Glenn told them. “It’s where the Black Organization will be.”

“Why are they going to be there?” Jayden wondered.

“We need to go there,” Kaylie said. “I have a bad feeling about whatever it is they’re planning.”

A sudden clanking sounded from down the hall. Everyone stood completely still, waiting for the source of the noise to show itself. Jayden felt around his waist for a Poké Ball, grabbing the first one he touched. Daniel slowly made his way towards the corner, carefully peeking around. A small metal bowl had been rolling down the hall, clanking again when it hit the opposite wall. Picking it up, Daniel stared into it, wondering where it could have come from. To his surprise, and dismay, another object had been sitting in the bowl. It was a black sphere with a green blinking light on it. Tossing the bowl into the air, Daniel shouted for everyone to drop to the floor. The blinking green light turned red and not two seconds after, it exploded, shards from the bowl and wall flying everywhere. The force from the blast threw Daniel into Glenn, knocking both men out. Shrapnel flew past Jayden, cutting his cheek and all over his arms.

“Kaylie, Hope! Are you okay?!” Jayden shouted, running over to them.

Picking herself up, Kaylie said she was just fine, just shaken up. Grace, who had been completely covered in dust and chunks of the wall, slowly stood, dusting herself off. A look of terror covered Hope’s face, her eyes not blinking. She trembled, trying to back away. Not sure what she had been so terrified of, Jayden turned, coming face to face with Aeolus, a wicked smile on the man’s face.

“How wonderful of you to come visit me in my office,” he said, placing his hand on Jayden’s shoulder. “Did you maybe want to reconsider my offer? Is that why you’re wearing my robes?”

“I-I…uh…” Jayden couldn’t form any words as fear took hold of him. He saw what Aeolus was capable of doing. How he didn’t care who he killed.

“Well young Jayden, I’m afraid that I can’t accept you in Team Lustrous.” Aeolus faked a frown, rubbing at his eye as if he had been crying. “You see, you aren’t qualified. You can’t be when you’re dead.”

Grabbing him by the throat, Aeolus easily lifted Jayden off his feet. The boy grabbed at Aeolus’ hands, gasping for breath. Kaylie jumped at Aeolus, but the man easily swatted her aside. Kaylie jumped back up as soon as she hit the ground, hitting Aeolus in the back. The man winced, dropping Jayden. Turning quickly, Aeolus slammed the back of his fist into Kaylie’s cheek, pushing her into a wall.

“And who do we have here?” Aeolus asked, Grace entering his field of vision. “Weren’t you a former grunt? Now why are you here in our robes? I don’t remember saying you could join again. Maybe I’ll have to fire you one more time. Except I’ll be a little more literal.”

From under his robes, Aeolus pulled out a Poké Ball, a smirk on his face. Just before he tossed it into the air, he froze. He chuckled, turning his head towards the door.

“You always have the worst timing, Dimitrios.”

The large man laughed as well, a Poké Ball of his own in hand. “You know me, old friend. I’m always late for the party.”

The two leaders stared each other down, neither one blinking or moving an inch. From behind Dimitrios came a slender man. He pushed the glasses on his face up with his index finger, a Poké Ball in hand. He wore the standard black coat of the Black Organization, the rest of his clothes matching in color.

“I’ll pay you back for what you did to us in Blackthorn City,” the man snarled.

“Damien, that happened years ago,” Aeolus said, smiling wickedly. “You can’t hold me to something I did over three years ago.”

“But I will hold you, Damien, to something you did three months ago,” said a voice from down the hall.

The voice sent chills up Kaylie’s spine, causing her body to tense up. She knew exactly who the voice belonged to before she saw him. Turning her head, she saw Alexander striding towards Aeolus, tossing his own Poké Ball into the air, catching it as it fell. An eerie silence fell over them, the three groups looking from one to another. Slowly backing up, Jayden felt himself bump into someone. Looking up he saw it was his dad. Daniel grinded his teeth together, his fists clenched tightly. Placing a hand on Jayden’s shoulder, the man pulled his son back, stepping in between the two factions.

“You’re not the only one with a beef against Aeolus,” Daniel said to Dimitrios. “I have a score to settle with him that has gone on for too long.”

“You wouldn’t happen to be talking about your little wife would you,” Aeolus taunted. “She could have become the best agent in Team Lustrous. Shame that she had that accident.”

Aeolus cackled loudly, his eyes narrowing. Fuming, Daniel began to tremble, trying his best to keep his composure. Jayden could feel his grip tightening on his Poké Ball, his mouth clenching. Taking in a deep breath, Daniel began to approach Aeolus with a blank look. Alexander stepped in front of him with a stern look on his face.

“Don’t even think about it,” said Alexander.

“All I want to know is why,” Daniel told him through gritted teeth, fighting back tears. “If she was that good then why would you get rid of her?”

Aeolus pushed Alexander aside, his usual smirk placed on his face. “I could sense the hesitation in her. There is no room for people who second guess themselves on my executive staff.”

“I don’t mean to interrupt you ladies from bickering,” Dimitrios started, “but I think there are more pressing matters at hand than a woman who is no longer with us.”

Another silence fell over the room, all groups looking from one to the other. Daniel backed up to Jaden’s side, carefully eyeing Aeolus. A flash filled the room, causing all three groups to jump back, releasing their Pokémon. On Dimitrios’ side appeared his Lucario. Metagross materialized in front of Aeolus while Empoleon, Croconaw, and Cyndaquil stood in front of their trainers. None of the Pokémon made a move. They too eyed each other, waiting for someone to give a command. Alexander fell back, disappearing down the hall. Damien ran after him, Poké Ball in hand.

“Why didn’t you stop him?” Dimitrios asked.

“Alexander won’t lose to him,” Aeolus answered, confidence ringing in his voice. “Besides, I wouldn’t want you to get the jump on me, old friend.”

The two men stared each other down, smiles on each of their faces. Aeolus clicked his teeth together which Dimitrios responded to with a grunt. Both of their Pokémon began to fire off random beams of energy, narrowly missing Croconaw and Cyndaquil. Empoleon responded with a large ball of water, firing one at both Metagross and Lucario. The water soaked them, sure, but did no visible damage. Aeolus cackled loudly, slapping his hand to his face.

“Girl, don’t you know that water isn’t going to do much to a Steel type?”

“Then try this out! Hydro Cannon!” Hope shouted.

“Hope, wait!” Kaylie tried to stop her, but Empoleon began to charge the attack already.

“Cyndaquil, back Empoleon up! Flame Wheel!” Jayden yelled.

Dimitrios scoffed, snapping his fingers at Empoleon and Cyndaquil. Lucario simply nodded and vanished from their sight. Before Empoleon could launch his attack, the ball of water he began to gather burst as he fell to the floor. Cyndaquil’s flame ignited on her back, but she was struck as well, the flame going out just as quickly as it started. Lucario reappeared in front of Dimitrios on one knee, slowly getting back to two feet.

“Show off,” Aeolus muttered.

“I won’t let these children stand in the way of our battle.” Dimitrios turned to Aeolus, one finger pointed at him. “After we take care of them, I’ll deal with you.”

Aeolus began to tremble, but he still held the smile. He wasn’t trembling from fear, but from excitement. “Then you better bring your best. I won’t show any mercy this time.”

Copying Dimitrios, Aeolus snapped his fingers. Metagross turned to Croconaw, the latter backing up slightly. Kaylie’s jaw clenched, her hands balled into fists. A large beam shot out from the X on Metagross’ face. Jumping to the side, the beam narrowly missed Kaylie and Croconaw, punching through the wall behind them.

“Hydro Pump!” Kaylie shouted.

Dashing around the Metagross’ backside, Croconaw unleashed a large stream of water. The blast hit Metagross, but hardly made it flinch. Slowly turning around, Metagross stared Croconaw down, its eyes beginning to glow. A faint pink outline surrounded the Water type as it began to float in the air. Beginning to panic, Croconaw started to flail, trying his best to escape Metagross’ psychic grasp. A large fireball suddenly rocketed past Metagross, breaking its concentration. Croconaw fell to the ground, scrambling back to Kaylie. The fireball broke through the wall opposite Jayden, small flames scattered on the new hole in the building. Cyndaquil’s flame had been lit once more, burning with a higher intensity than a few moments ago.

“We need to get out of here,” Jayden mumbled to Hope. “If this keeps up, they’re going to destroy us.”

“Then we’ll need some cover,” Hope mumbled back. Empoleon looked back to his trainer, a stern look on his face. “Think you can help us, Empoleon?” The Water Pokémon nodded, letting out a load roar.

“You surprised me there,” said Aeolus. “You didn’t seem like the type to try a sneak attack.”

“Aeolus, if we don’t hurry then your building will be destroyed,” Dimitrios told him.

Chuckling, Aeolus pulled out another Poké Ball. “Then let’s crank it up a notch.”

Suddenly, a large explosion sounded from below them. The entire building began to tremble. Everyone in the room, minus Dimitrios, was thrown to the ground. Objects began to slide to one side as the room appeared to tilt.

“What’s happening?!” Kaylie yelled.

Another loud explosion was heard, this time even further below. All the trainers pulled out their own Poké Balls, letting out any of their Pokémon that could possibly fly them out of the building. Jayden grabbed onto his father’s arm before they crashed through the window. Pidgeotto struggled to hold both of them up, but was able to fly them over to the roof of the next building safely. Hope landed just after them with Kaylie and Grace coming up behind her. The group watched as the building crashed into the streets below, many sirens echoing throughout the city.

“We need to get out of here,” said Kaylie. “We won’t get another chance if they catch up to us.”

“She’s right. Dad, let’s go.” Jayden pulled at his father’s sleeve, but he wouldn’t budge, just staring at the chaos below.

“I can’t go, Jayden,” he said.

“Dad, we have to go. Now’s not the time.” Looking at his dad, Jayden instantly felt a feeling of sorrow. He remembered when he learned that his mom wasn’t coming home and how it burned in his chest. A similar feeling ignited, deep in his heart.

Daniel sighed, his hands twitching slightly. “The last time I let them do whatever they want, I lost my wife. I have to do something this time. You and your friends need to take advantage of the chaos the city is in right now. You’ll be able to slip out unnoticed.”

“Dad, no,” pleaded Jayden.

A small gasp escaped Hope. She was able to make out three figures on the street, one of them being her brother. Without so much as a word, she grabbed onto one of Noctowl’s feet, quickly flying down. Kaylie tried to call out to her, but Hope was already gone. Flying right past Hope, a beam of light struck the building they were on, blowing concrete everywhere.

“You’re wasting time!” Daniel shouted. “Get out of here now!”

Before Jayden could even argue, another beam hit the building, this time closer to their feet. The impact blew everyone on it in different directions. Kaylie and Grace were thrown off the side only to be saved by Ledian, barely holding them up while Daniel and Jayden were slammed into the wall of a connecting building. Just as the building was beginning to crumble, Jayden pulled his dad up and called on Pidgeotto to take them to the ground. Landing among the debris, Daniel pilled himself up, gripping his arm tight.

“You need to leave!” Daniel hobbled forward with a slight limp. Wincing in pain, he did not look back at his son as he kept moving, his mind set on Aeolus.

“Dad, I can’t lose you too!” shouted Jayden. “I need you!”

Daniel stopped in his tracks, turning his head slightly. “I can’t promise you that I will make it out of this, Jayden. But I will promise you that I won’t let them get away with what they did to Mom. And if her memory means anything to you, then you will get out of here.”

Jayden quickly wiped his face in an attempt to stop the tears before they started. Before he knew it, his entire face was drenched. Shaking his head, Jayden moved forward as well. “I can’t leave. Hope and Kaylie are here somewhere. I have to find them.”

“Once you find them, you get out of here. Got it?”

Off in the distance was a loud explosion, pebbles raining down on Jayden and Daniel. A scream followed and Jayden could’ve sworn that he knew that scream. Running in the direction of the explosion, Jayden quickly recalled Pidgeotto and drew another Poké Ball. He could make out the outline of a medium sized creature with a girl in its claw, holding her a few feet above the ground.

“Hope!” yelled Jayden.

“So this is your friend Jayden?” a man asked. Jayden felt like he had seen the man somewhere before. He wore glasses and had brown hair that stuck out to Jayden.

“Sam…” For some reason the name fell out of Jayden’s mouth. He remembered that this was Hope’s brother. She had been searching for him. “What’s going on here?”

“Well I just happened to run into my little sister trying to get out of our crumbling building,” Sam explained. “She instantly started babbling about saving me from Team Lustrous and how she had been looking for me for quite some time. I told her that I wasn’t in any danger. Team Lustrous never kidnapped me.”

Jayden was sure the first time he saw same he was being held against his will. He looked over to Hope and noticed the creature holding her was a Scizor. He only had one Pokémon that would do well against that typing. Tossing his Poké Ball into the air, Cyndaquil emerged in a burst of light. With a quick command, Cyndaquil launched a round of fireballs at Scizor. The latter was quick, dropping Hope and dodging the attack in a split second. Appearing behind the small rodent, Cyndaquil increased the intensity of her flames, warding off the Bug type. Jayden ran over to Hope to make sure she was alright, throwing a dirty look in Sam’s direction.

“Scizor, Bullet Seed,” commanded Sam.

Scizor moved quickly, nearly too fast for either Jayden or Cyndaquil to follow. When he disappeared, Jayden held his breath, waiting to react. Once he saw a flash of red Jayden shouted for Cyndaquil to jump to the side. Sure enough, Scizor shot off a round of yellow orbs, each narrowly missing Cyndaquil.

“Counter with Flame Wheel,” shouted Jayden.

Engulfing herself in flames, Cyndaquil charged Scizor. The Bug type let out a metallic laugh, dodging Cyndaquil with ease. Sam laughed as well, shaking his head.

“He’s just too quick. We’ll have to wait for him to try and strike,” Jayden told Cyndaquil.

Cyndaquil nervously stood still, checking her surroundings constantly. She heard a buzz right behind her and when she turned, Scizor was standing above her, his claw raised. Just before he could strike, Cyndaquil let out a second barrage of fireballs, all hitting Scizor at point blank range. The Bug type stumbled backwards stunned.

“Now, Flame Wheel!” Jayden ordered.

Slamming her flaming body into Scizor, Cyndaquil knocked him to the ground, the former hardly moving. Sam grunted, recalling his Pokémon.

“Why are you doing this, Sam?” Jayden asked, helping Hope to her feet. “She’s your sister.”

“I don’t owe you any answers.” Without so much as another word, Sam took off into the city, disappearing behind a building. More explosions were heard, this time much further away.

“Hope, are you all right?”

She didn’t respond. There was a blank stare in her eyes. Her mouth hung slightly open. Jayden knew trying to force something out of her right now would be useless. Telling Cyndaquil to follow, Jayden picked Hope up and carried her towards the city.

Kaylie…thought Jayden. Please be okay…