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Trickster Zorua
6th March 2012, 7:22 PM
The reviving of the Shadow Pokémon (I'm gonna make new chapters when I'm done rewriting/making the old chapters!)

PM List:
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Chapter List:
Chapter 1: The First Chapter.... (this post, rewrited/made by me)
Chapter 2: The First Babysitting time... (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564458-The-reviving-of-the-Shadow-Pokémon&p=14267167&highlight=#post14267167)
Chapter 3: Drama in the Evening! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564458-The-reviving-of-the-Shadow-Pokémon&p=14313444&highlight=#post14313444)
Chapter 4: The International Police Agent! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564458-The-reviving-of-the-Shadow-Pokémon&p=14370013&highlight=#post14355464)
Chapter 5: A Romantic Date with a Sad Twist! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564458-The-reviving-of-the-Shadow-Pokémon&p=14370013&highlight=#post14370013)
Chapter 6: Mareep's first battle! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564458-The-reviving-of-the-Shadow-Pokémon&p=14399740&highlight=#post14399740)
Chapter 7: The Rakki Fair! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564458-The-reviving-of-the-Shadow-Pokémon&p=14466096#14466096)


Characters:

Kevin
Gender: Male
Age: 12

Pokémon: ;179; Mareep
Gender: Female
Ability: Plus
Hold Item: Everstone (look in personality)
Moves: Tackle, Thundershock , Iron Tail, Charge
Personality: Mareep is Kevin's pokémon since they were born on the same moment. Mareep is already 12 years Kevin's pokémon. But she still not evolved, because she don't want to evolve. So she holds a Everstone in her fluffy coat. She like to sleep or sit on Kevin's head.

Pokémon: ;037; Vulpix
Gender: Male
Ability: Flash Fire
Hold Item: Rawst Berry
Moves: Ember, Tail Whip, Quick Attack, Roar
Personality: When he was born, he did everytime dragged by her Mother Ninetales' tails. That was his favorite place. But when he was 3 years old, came some Hunters and killed the parents of him. On that day Vulpix sworn to get revenge for his parents. He did met Kevin and Mareep when Mareep accidently neezed on Vulpix's tails. They were complety under the mucus.


Ella
Gender: Female
Age: 12

Pokémon: ;309; Electrike
Gender: Male
Ability: Minus
Hold Item: Everstone
Moves: Tackle, Thunder Wave, Leer, Howl
Personality: Electrike was found in the rain by Ella. She did hurried to her home, but she stopped when she saw a green and yellowish hairball on the ground, in the mud. She cleaned that hairball and it was a Electrike. From that day is Electrike and Ella best friends forever.

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Foreword: Dear readers, and the members or other people that watch this story of me:
It's my first English fanfic that I write, and also the first fanfic from me in this forum. Hopefully you all enjoy this. Ehm...to put it in it short: Hopefully you enjoy this! And rate it please! And DON'T STEAL IT! ^^

Chapter 1: The First Chapter…


On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, meaning “Peace”, did never appeared evil in the, peaceful, region, until today… A new team appeared, called Team Yami. They appeared in the Heiwa region, to do their secret evil plan…

It happened in midnight , there came strange vans to the Heiwa Region, with some people in dark clothes and some machines. The vans were all black, so they couldn’t be noticed in the dark easily. They were riding quiet and slow to an old abandoned factory. After the vans arrived at the big gate in front of the old factory, the people came out of the vans. One grunt of the whole team walked to the boss of them, the boss was wearing a black lab coat, with triangle sunglasses. “Mister Dark, the whole team has arrived. Shall I start with the operation?” Whispered the grunt, who was the boss’ assistant, to the boss.

“Yes assistant, but let me open the lock of the gate.” Answered the boss. Then he called his Houndoom out of his Dark Ball, a special Pokéball made by them to easily catch Pokémon, and the pokemon caught with that listen to their masters, with a evil heart... The Houndoom looked evil with the black glow he had. It was the last Shadow Pokemon from the time that all Shadow Pokemon had been purified in a another region.
“Houndoom, use Crunch to break that lock.” command the boss to the Dark Pokémon.

The Houndoom nodded. “Houn... HOUNDOOM!” did he said while using Crunch on the lock. What only was left from the lock, was the destroyed chain of it.

“Well done Houndoom.” His owner said and putted Houndoom back in his Dark Ball. “Let’s go.” commanded the boss, and the grunts followed him.

The whole team parked the vans before they followed their boss. But while they were walking, a trainer that lived 2 houses away of the factory, woke up with his Mareep. “Huh?" the trainer yawned with his Mareep, only did the female Mareep yawned a little bit quieter. "There’s something happening in the factory Mareep! Come with me, we going to check that out. I have a bad feeling about this…” whispered the trainer to his Mareep, she nodded because she have also a bad feeling about it.

“Mareep!” said his Mareep and helped her trainer with giving him his backpack.

“Thanks Mareep!” The trainer gave her a compliment. Mareep giggled. “Come, let’s go!” her trainer said and ran fast, with Mareep on his side, to the factory.

When they arrived at the big scary factory, the trainer looked secretly into the little hole in the door. “Mister Dark, we are ready. Shall I start the machine?” asked the assistant.

“Yes, but where’s the first pokémon to test the machine?” he replied. The trainer and his Mareep were shocked.

“M-M-Mareep?” she talked to her self, asking her self what they mean with that machine they mentioned, while she’s shivering by the fear she had. When they stared again at the boss and his assistant, a grunt came in the room holding a Bidoof that struggle and don’t want to be the experiment.

“Bi! Bidoof!” he cried, but the grunt slapped him and put him in a glass box. Then he closed the glass box by a metal plate. “BIDOOOOOOOF!” he cried out in pain, while dark thick purple smoke appeared in the box, covering the inside completely. After a few seconds, the smoke disappeared, and the Bidoof had a Shadow glow around him and other attacks.

“Bi-Bidoof!” the Bidoof laughed evilly. The Mareep and trainer was really scared and shocked by seeing it. Mister Dark, the boss of Team Yami, laughed evilly.

“It works! That Pokémon did changed to a Shadow Pokémon!”

The grunt that putted the Bidoof in that box, putted the same Bidoof out the glass box. Then Mister Dark petted the Bidoof, like it was the Persian of Giovanni, the boss from Team Rocket.

“So. A new weapon for us!” did he cheered, with the other grunts, and caught him in a Dark Ball. Two grunts filled the two empty orbs, what was filled first with the purple liquid, and put it in the storage of the machine, were more of such orbs were stored in.

Mareep was so shocked, that she used Thundershock, to attack the evil team. “Intruder!” yelled a grunt when he noticed Mareep.

Mister Dark called his Shadow Bidoof out. “Bidoof! Use Shadow Wave!” Bidoof did used Shadow Wave on Mareep. Mareep flew out of the trainer’s arms, knock out by the weird, but strong, attack of the Bidoof.

“Oh no! Mareep!” he screamed worried and ran to a Pokémon Center, with Mareep in his arms. But the team don’t do anything when he ran away.

“Hmm… a kid saw surely our plan. Well…if he come to stop us, then he will get problems, HUGE problems.” said the boss and closed the door, so nobody else could saw the machines. The boss walked to the machine and pulled a switch of it. The little machine transformed to a big machine with many cables and plugs. The machine plugged everywhere in the factory cables. Security camera’s appeared on the factory, but also electricity, water, gas and all. After the setup from the machine, a disguise was installed in the factory. It look like if the factory was a modern and luxury hotel with a swimming pool. The boss went to a room with the grunts, they built beds, and then they all went to sleep.

When Kevin finally arrived at the Pokémon Center, he rushed to the counter, where a nurse waited for somebody to help with.
“Nurse Joy! Can you please heal my Mareep!?” asked the trainer with Mareep fainted in his arms. Nurse Joy, with her cute voice and pink hair, replied.

“Sure mister…” “Kevin is the name. I must still get a Trainer Card.”

“Ah, okay. After healing your Mareep, I’m going then make your Trainer Card.”

“Okay Nurse Joy. That’s okay.” Kevin replied. After five minutes, Nurse Joy came back with his Mareep.

“Mareep!” said Mareep happy and hugged her trainer. “Your Pokémon is healed! Shall we make your Trainer Card?”

“Yes please.” did he replied, while hugging his Mareep. Then Kevin followed Nurse Joy, while Mareep was putted on his head, sleeping and snoring cute.

“Can you please write the needed information in this form please?” asked Nurse Joy and gave Kevin a form. He did written the information and gave it back. Nurse Joy did putted the form’s information in her computer, and a machine printed a Trainer Card for Kevin on special plastic, with his photo and the information and she gave it to him. “Your age is 12, your surname is Kibo, your Pokémon is Mareep right now, your length is 4 “92. Here is your card.” Nurse Joy said everything about him and gave the card to Kevin. “Don’t worry, if there’s something happened with your party, the card update it. It’s a digital card, so it’s handy if you don’t have to get a new card!”

“Thanks Nurse Joy!” did he replied and ran back to his house, then to his room, putted Mareep on her favorite pillow to sleep on, putted his card in his backpack and fell asleep on his soft bed, tired of the mysterious case from Team Yami.

Mrmuffin123
6th March 2012, 8:47 PM
Wow! That's pretty good! But the names are not really original. You have used the name yami countless times in rps! Other than that, 10 out of 10! I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Trickster Zorua
6th March 2012, 8:50 PM
^ Thanks! ^^ I had no idea how I must call the team, so did I translated Darkness in Google. :P But thanks! ^^ BTW, the next chapter get a title. Only it's not known. :P

Glover
7th March 2012, 7:52 AM
First off, Shadow Pokemon is a rarer thing to write about, so selcome aboard.

I'll beat the mods to the punch, but please do go back into the Fanfic rules. I think you'll be alright once spacing gets worked out, but chapters should be in the 2 page minimum. Which then leads me to the next section. Because the Serebii forums don't indent for us, every paragrapgh and every quote should be broken apart by a line break. This makes it easier to read on a computer screen. So for example, you're second section:


“Nurse Joy! Can you please heal my Mareep!?” Did asked the trainer with Mareep fainted in his arms. Nurse Joy, with her cute giggling and pink hair, did replied. “Sure mister…” “Kevin is the name. I must still get a Trainer Card.” “Ah, okay. After healing your Mareep, I’m going then make your Trainer Card.” “Okay Nurse Joy. That’s okay.” Did Kevin replied. After five minutes, Nurse Joy came back with his Mareep. “Mareep!” Did said Mareep happy and hug her trainer. “Your Pokémon is healed! Shall we make your Trainer Card?” “Yes please.” Did said Kevin and followed Nurse Joy, while Mareep is on his head, sleeping cute. “Can you please write the needed information in this form please” Did asked Nurse Joy and gave Kevin a form. He did writhed the information and give it back. Nurse Joy did putted the form in the computer, and a machine pressed a Trainer Card for Kevin, with his photo and the information and she gave it to him. “Your age is 12, your surname is Kibo, your Pokémon is Mareep right now, your length is 4 “92. Here is your card.” Did Nurse Joy said everything about him and give the card to Kevin. “Don’t worry, if there’s something happened with your party, the card update it. It’s a digital card, so it’s handy if you don’t have to get a new card!” “Thanks Nurse Joy!” Did Kevin replied and ran back to his room, putted Mareep on her favorite pillow to sleep on, putted his card in his backpack and going to sleep.


Should actually look like:


“Nurse Joy! Can you please heal my Mareep!?” Did asked the trainer with Mareep fainted in his arms.

Nurse Joy, with her cute giggling and pink hair, did replied. “Sure mister…” “Kevin is the name. I must still get a Trainer Card.” “Ah, okay. After healing your Mareep, I’m going then make your Trainer Card.”

“Okay Nurse Joy. That’s okay.” Did Kevin replied. After five minutes, Nurse Joy came back with his Mareep. “Mareep!” Did said Mareep happy and hug her trainer.

“Your Pokémon is healed! Shall we make your Trainer Card?” “Yes please.” Did said Kevin and followed Nurse Joy, while Mareep is on his head, sleeping cute.

“Can you please write the needed information in this form please” Did asked Nurse Joy and gave Kevin a form. He did writhed the information and give it back. Nurse Joy did putted the form in the computer, and a machine pressed a Trainer Card for Kevin, with his photo and the information and she gave it to him. “Your age is 12, your surname is Kibo, your Pokémon is Mareep right now, your length is 4 “92. Here is your card.” Did Nurse Joy said everything about him and give the card to Kevin. “Don’t worry, if there’s something happened with your party, the card update it. It’s a digital card, so it’s handy if you don’t have to get a new card!”\

“Thanks Nurse Joy!” Did Kevin replied and ran back to his room, putted Mareep on her favorite pillow to sleep on, putted his card in his backpack and going to sleep.


See the breaks there? The middel part is all coming from Nurse Joy, so I didn't neccesarily have to break that up into its individual quotes.

Ah, the English language. I applaud yo for trying it, that's more skill and patience than I was granted with foreign language. You're quite fond of the word Did, no? In english, our Subject is typically ahead of the verb, and the verb handles the action. In all of your cases, you can actually get rid of the "Did"s. For the most part, you've got the sentence structure fairly correct though. I've got some time, so I'll go ahead and pick through. I mean this only to be helpful, I don't mean to be condesending and I understand that there's a tiny language barrier, but let's see if we can't get that knocked down, shall we?


On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, what the name mean “Peace”. There was never something evil happened in the region, until today… A new team did appeared, Team Yami. They did came in the Heiwa region, to do the new plan of the leader of Team Yami….
May I?


On a day, Do you mean "One day"? Or On a day such as this, a [describe the scene]? On a day to me feels like half a sentence. Not a bad little intro, I'm certainly digging for more detail, but there isn't any there.


in the newly discovered Heiwa region, what the name meaning “Peace”.
There was never somethinghad anything evil happened in the region, until today. A new team did appeared, Team Yami. The joy of Verb tenses and actions. This might be why they say English is one of the harder languages. There was implies an immidiate past tense, such as there was a piece of pie on the counter. Probably, someone ate it shortly after the narrator set the pie out, but it was within a few moments of now that the pie was eaten. Happened on the other hand, while it is past tense, is implied to cover a much broader timeframe, best to leave it alone and let it do that without trying to modify the tense.

In the bold section, I added had anything, then struck out Something. "Had" is in this case a helper verb for the verb "happened", and is soley there to make the story more flowing and readable. I replaced Something in this section, because Something is a specific stand-in for a certain, though unknown, item or action. (She looked at the open peg on the shelf. Something, blonged there, something was missing that should have been on that peg, but se didn't know what) Anything on the other hand is generic, of all the things that happen in the Heiwa region, none of them were evil. So that's why that's the way that it is. ("What should I put on this peg?" She asked her manager. "Oh, just put anything there so the customer can see it" he replied.)

You don't need the did, the past tense is estblished by came. then it should be they came to the Heiwa Region, ot they came in. You probably should use a semi-colon (;) there instead of a comma, but I'm not the best with semi-colons. To do the new plan is not the best sentence structure. It works, but I might have gone with "To complete the new plan of..."


Midnight exactly, came strange vans to the Heiwa Region. They were all black, so they couldn’t be noticed in the dark, except for the car lights of course. They were riding quiet and slow to a old abandoned factory. After the vans arrived at the big factory gate, they all came out of the vans. One grunt of the whole team walked to the boss of them.

At the big gate from the factory means they came to the big gate after leaving the factory. They did not, they went to the factory gate. Also, wath your tenses, you're righting this slightly past tense, so it needs to all be past tense. Came on come, for example. Can't be noticed is a more relaxed English, proper english should be could not or couldn't be noticed. Also, it's came out of the vans. Of is in this case a preposition, and of the van is a prepositional phrase. Prep phrases are supposed to only be after the verb, and "the [noun]" is always going to be a prepositional phrase

“Mister Dark, the whole team has arrived. Shall I start with the plan of yours?” Whispered the grunt, who was the boss’s assistant, to the boss.

past tense, so it should be has and not is. It's Mister dark' plan, so you should show possessive as yours. Don't need the did, Just whisper in it's past tense like you have it, the grunt is a person and s is a who, not a what, tense again, and then an s on boss's It's one boss, so he get's the 's. Ownership by two bosses would be Bosses' plan, but it's just Mister Dark's.

“Yes assistant, but let me break that lock on the door.”

But very rarely starts a sentence, swap the period for a comma and you're golden.

Answered the boss. Then he called his Houndoom out of his Dark Ball, a special Pokéball made by then to easily catch Pokémon, make them listen to the owner and then change the pokémon to evil. The Houndoom looked evil with the black glow he had. It was the last Shadow Pokemon from the time that all Shadow Pokemon had been purified.

Alright, a lot of confusing stuff there. Did can go away, it's just answered, you don't use did to make a past tense the proper past tense of call is called, ypu need another of for out of his Dark Ball.

Now the hard stuff. "To catch easy", easy is modifying how you catch. 90% of the time, that goes before the verb. It also gets an "ly" ending to show that it is a modifer. Not every verb modifier (called an adverb) will get an ly ending, but if there is one, then it's an adverb. When listing thigs, on;y use and once. Occasionally, you will see it used in someone speaking as and, and, and, to signify that a person is rambling, but gramatically, it's not correct. Description of the Houndoom sh00ould als be past tense, I replaced something with with but I don't recall what even though I just did it, and had been are modifiers to the verb purified. I'm not much help in teaching that, I'm afraid, a grammar and english teacher will be needed for that.

“Houndoom, use Crunch to break that lock.” Did commanded the boss.

The Houndoom nodded. “Houn... HOUNDOOM!” Said he while he was using Crunch on the lock. What only was left from the lock, was the destroyed chain.

“Well done Houndoom.” His owner said and putted Houndoom back in his Dark Ball. “Let’s go.”

The whole team did parked the vans and followed the boss. But while they were walking, a trainer that lived 2 houses near the factory, woke up with his Mareep. “Huh?" he yawned. "There’s something happening in the factory! Mareep! Come with me!” Whispered he trainer to his Mareep.

More of the same, but don't out actuons like yawning or burping or wrse in a quote, those are actions, not spoken things. And even f he yawned loudly, say he yawned loudly. Also, if you're using an exclamtion point, most likely he's not whipering very softly.

Mareep nodded at what he said. “Mareep!” said his Mareep and helped her trainer. “Thanks Mareep!” The at is answering why Mareep is nodding specifically. And what's the mareep helping him with? You don't say, and inquiring minds want to know

The trainer gave her a compliment. Mareep giggled. “Come, let’s go!” Her trainer said and ran fast, with Mareep on his side, to the factory.

When they arrived, the trainer looked secretly into a hole in the door. “Mister Dark, we are ready. Shall I start the machine?” Asked the assistant.

“Yes, but where’s the first pokémon to test the machine?” he replied. The trainer and his Mareep were shocked. “M-M-Mareep?” She talked to her self, shivering by the fear she had. While they stared again to the boss and his assistant, a grunt came in holding a Bidoof that struggle and don’t want to be the experiment. “Bi! Bidoof!” he cried, but the grunt slapped him and put him in a glass box. Then he closed it.

changw was to wer shocked, as both of them are plural and both of them are shocked. Bidoof cried, Bdoof only made one action, and it reads as a frantic cry, not a conversation with another Pokemon, so Bidoof cried

“The Pokémon is ready.” Said the assistant to the boss. The boss nodded and pressed a button to start the machine. Two dark purple orb’s, that are putted on the machine, did glowed and slowly get the purple liquid out it. The Bidoof was crying and tried to get out, but he get only hurt by the bumping against the walls of the glass box. The purple liquid was stored in a bigger orb, and then the liquid changed to electric sparks and the Bidoof got hit by the sparks.

I must confess, I don't understand what the orbs are doing. Is Biddof trapped in a box that is filling with a strange liquid that was inside the orbs? Or just one orb and is the other the power supply?

“BIDOOOOOOOF!” He cried out in pain, while smoke appeared in the box. After a few seconds, the smoke disappeared, and the Bidoof had other colors and other attacks.

“Bi-Bidoof!” the Bidoof laughed evilly. The Mareep and trainer was in complete shock and fear. Mister Dark, the boss laughed evilly. “It works! That Pokémon did changed to a Shadow Pokémon!”

The grunt that put the Bidoof in that box, got the Bidoof out of the box again. Then Mister Dark petted the Bidoof.

“So. A new member of Team Yami!” Did he yelled and caught him in a Dark Ball. Two grunts filled the two empty orbs, what was filled first with the purple liquid, and put it in a storage in the machine.

Mareep was so shocked, that she used Thundershock. “Intruder!” Yelled a grunt.

Mister Dark called his Shadow Bidoof out. “Bidoof! Use Shadow Wave!” Bidoof did used Shadow Wave on Mareep. Mareep flew out of the trainer’s arms.

“Oh no! Mareep!” He yelled and ran to a Pokémon Center. But the team don’t do anything.

But the team can stay the same. In this case, the but can stand at the front of a sentence.

“Hmm… a kid saw surely our plan. Well…if he come to us to stop our plan again, then he will get problems with us.” said the boss and closed the door. He walked to the machine and pulled a switch on the machine. The little machine transformed to a big machine with many cables and plugs. The machine plugged everywhere in the factory cables. Security camera’s appeared on the factory, but also electricity, water, gas and all. After the setup from the machine, a disguise was installed in the factory. It like if the factory was a modern and luxury hotel with a swimming pool. The boss went to a room with the grunts, they built beds, and then they all went to sleep.

He will get. That's future tense. It will happen. Much and many confuses many. Much is used to compare a small number of items, usually two. (It doesn't cost that much) Many is used for a lot of items, in this case, cables. Also, the rule for using Etc. is after listing three items, so if you had said the Swimming Pool, a spa, and a hot tub, then you could use Etc. That's why in The King and I (Musical and a movie) the King says etc, etc, etc. Because of three items, also because of the british idiom "and so on and so on and so on"


Phew. I've thrown a lot of stuff at you, probably confusing. My apologies. You may want to seek help in the Author's Cafe sub forum in working all this out. All in all though, you've got an intriguing idea. I must confess, that I've been working much the same thought for a while now. In my own fic, "World Turns" (The family portraiot with three humans, a Gardevoir, the Espeon and the Umbreon, etc.) Team Rocket is experimenting with Shadow Pokemon (and Cipher) tech allegedly, and I'm exploring the possible connection with the Iron Mask and Cipher. The Iron Mask beiing the guy who used the Dark Balls in the Celebi movie. I have a feeling you will be moving through this much more quickly than I have been as I have a few other little side stories running as well, so I'm curiousto see how you do it. Not to steal, but you and I are thinking very similarly I supect, and I'm curious to see how far it goes. Best of luck!

Trickster Zorua
7th March 2012, 1:22 PM
Okay, thanks. And it was on a day, on that day that they did invade the factory. But I'm gonna today edit with your corrections. Still, thank you for the corrections. I'm not good at English, I'm more Dutch! ^^; But that's no excuse! But what I did wanted to say: Thank you. I'm gonna edit today with your corrections. And yeah, that Dark Ball idea was used from the Celebi movie! ^^;

Edit: New Chapter!

Chapter 2: The first babysitting time…
Kevin’s next day begins…. The morning start, a group Pidgey’s, Starly’s, Swablu’s, Pidove’s and other bird pokémon were singing. The sunshine did come through the window where Kevin sleep really close. He waked up. And did yawned and shook Mareep.
“Mareep, wake up. It’s morning.” Did he whispered to Mareep. The little sheep pokémon waked up with one eye, and then a moment later, also the other eye. She smiled to Kevin.
“Ma! Mareeeeeep!” She did hugged Kevin and did ran to the kitchen. Kevin giggled and followed her.
“So Mareep, what do you want?” Did he said with a happy voice and petted her head. Then Mareep point to her favorite pokémon food, Sitrus Berry salad with inside a couple Pokéblocks that make her wool beautiful and some Oran Berry Poffins. “So you do want your favorite breakfast? Sure Mareep!” He took out the fridge her salad and put it on the ground. Mareep drools and cheered and eat it slowly up. You saw that she enjoy of her breakfast. She did pushed with her head the salad bowl with her breakfast in, to a basket, where she always watch TV and eat. She did stepped on the basket, and lay, while she’s eating her food. Kevin did walked to the chair in the living room, next to Mareep and putted the TV on. He was on the good time to watch the news, that he watch everyday.

“Hello, I’m James Horse and this is the morning news of the Heiwa region. In Sunshine Town, on the place of a old factory from a old bankrupt car company, did a hotel appeared. It was build by a company called: “The Yami Company”. It’s the biggest hotel of the world. Today is a Grand Opening at the hotel, every pokémon, and his or her trainer are today welcome, to get for today a free room. The popular hotel inspector from the site TravelFeed is going today to sleep one night there. More will who bring, in the afternoon. I say, tune at 1’o clock again on the same channel!” After the news, Kevin was shocked.

“Th-that are the guys of that team Yami! This is not good… But why is there a odd satellite antenna?” He noticed when he looked in a window, that got the sight from the disguised factory, that yesterday transformed to Team Yami’s headquarter. Mareep noticed her trainer and heard what he said and walks cute to him and climb on his head to see the hotel. She shared the same thoughts as from Kevin.
Then did someone pressed on the doorbell button. Kevin did walked to the door, with Mareep on his head. He did opened the door. A girl with blonde hair like Kevin, only is it really long, and a cute giggle with red cheeks. Kevin knows her, she is a neighbor next to Kevin. They were good friends, and they are still good friends. Mareep knows her also, and is secretly in love with her Electrike.

“Hello Kevin! Long time not see right? I did wanted to ask you something. Can you babysit on my sick Electrike? He’s sick because he did fought with a Tentacool that used Poison Sting, so he got poisoned.” Did she asked.

“Sure Ella! Go shopping then or something else, I and Mareep shall care for him!” Did he answered. Mareep was worried and ran fast to Ella’s house, but the door was closed, and Mareep try to get in, but she was sad because she can’t come in. Ella gave Kevin her key from her house and Kevin walked to the door. “Silly Mareep! The door was closed!” Did Kevin said to Mareep and opened the door with the shiny key, that look gold, but it is it not. Mareep did ran worried in the house, searching for Electrike, but then after hearing groaning from him, she found him and go to him, rubbing her head on his belly. Electrike was happy that Mareep and Kevin there was.

“Elect…trike...” He has his eyes closed, while a purple poison like glow on his place between his eyes. Mareep did took from a vase on the table a bouquet of beautiful flowers. Electrike opened his eyes and hug her.

“Well Electrike, I’m here to make you better. Your nice trainer Ella did asked that to me.” Did Kevin explained to Electrike. Then Mareep try to say no to Kevin. Then she points to herself. “Huh? Mareep, do you want to care for Electrike?” Mareep nodded and on a table are Pecha Berries, they can cure the Poison status, so Mareep pushed it to Electrike.

“Ma! Mareep!” Did said Mareep, she did said in pokémonish that he must eat this berries. Electrike did followed the advice of Mareep and eat it. The purple poison glow is going slowly to disappear, after a couple hours. Electrike hopped and kissed secretly Mareep when Kevin doesn’t see it. Mareep blushed immediately after the kiss. “Ma-Mareep!” Did she said nervous and kissed him back. Then Kevin walk back to Electrike, because Kevin was in the meanwhile grocery shopping for himself.

“So Electrike, I see that you are healed. Well…you two may play for a while, until Ella come back. That’s about thirty minutes.” Did he said. Mareep and Electrike nods and play with each other. They were passing to each other a ball with their tails, by the move Iron Tail. It was actually sort of dodgeball later. After Ella arrives with some bags with toys, Electrike got a chew-ball.

“Kevin, thank you for caring for my Electrike.” Did Ella said.

“No problem, actually, Mareep did it. I did grocery shopping for myself! Hehe!” Did he replied.

“Well, if that’s true…then here Mareep, for you!” Did Ella said and then gave her a ball that can float by electricity from Mareep’s wool. Mareep did direct tried it, and she enjoyed it. She smiles and gave Electrike also that ball and when they cuddled their body on each others, some sparks formed a cute heart with a E and a M in it...
When the evening felt, had Ella a idea. “Guys listen, shall we eat dinner at my house right now? Then I make spaghetti! And for the pokémon poffins!” Everyone did agreed with her plan… And so did Ella and Kevin walked to her kitchen to make dinner…


Rates are welcome! :3

Mrmuffin123
8th March 2012, 8:34 PM
Awesome! It's just that it's takes a long time for a relationship to start. I think you should make it take a while for madero and elektrike to fall in lov. And my awesome prediction;Kevin and Alice will fall in love!
And you also stole the Alice name I always use.

Trickster Zorua
8th March 2012, 8:42 PM
Awesome! It's just that it's takes a long time for a relationship to start. I think you should make it take a while for madero and elektrike to fall in lov. And my awesome prediction;Kevin and Alice will fall in love!
And you also stole the Alice name I always use.
Thanks for the rating! And maybe later in the story, but I think of not. :/ And sorry. If you want I don't use that name on it, and say it. Then I change the name to Cindy.

bobandbill
11th March 2012, 2:32 PM
Only read the first chapter thus far, but I've a number of comments to make that seems to also be applicable to the second chapter from what I've skim-read.

Firstly, you still need to separate the paragraphs and lines of dialogue by a different person from the rest at the end of the first chapter. It's good to see you fixed that issue elsewhere but it's still too cluttered in a large block there which is hard to read.

Glover seemed to cover a lot with spelling and tenses, so I'll just mention a few other things. You have an established plot and some characterisation of Pokemon like the Mareep and all (although I do feel the people could be portrayed better), but on the whole I do feel the writing could be better.

On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, meaning “Peace”. Never had anything evil happened in the region, until today… A new team appeared, Team Yami. They did came in the Heiwa region, to do the new plan of the leader of Team Yami….A lot of it is basically awkward-worded and doesn't sound natural or is choppy in pacing. For instance in this starting paragraph, the first sentence begins 'On a day' which is a weird way to start a story. Of course it happens on 'a day' after all, so it's more unnecessary than anything. After that you stop to say what Heiwa means and end the sentence there. Reading 'On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, meaning “Peace”.' aloud you can tell it sounds unfinished. You say a time of sorts, a place but nothing else happens in the sentence after building up that something happens on that day by starting the sentence as so.

'They did came in the...' also sounds awkward when read, as to 'do the new plan' also doesn't quite fit - implement or start a plan is a more oft seen way of saying it, but not 'do a plan'. I suggest proofreading and reading things allowed as things like this came up often.

Midnight exactly, came strange vans to the Heiwa Region. They were all black, so they couldn’t be noticed in the dark, except for the car lights of course. They were riding quiet and slow to a old abandoned factory. After the vans arrived at the big factory gate, they all came out of the vans. One grunt of the whole team walked to the boss of them.The same issue as above occurs in the first sentence here. 'At midnight strange vans arrived.' is far simpler but doesn't have the awkward pause made by the comma around vans and came. You also established what the region was so repeating that fact here is unnecessary - watch out for that too. On that note, try showing rather than telling. Here you said 'they were black and so they couldn't be noticed in the dark bar the lights', but that's not too hard a thing for a reader to figure out by themselves. Describing the black vans and the bright lights the only sign they were there at all would be a better way to write the sentence for instance as you're showing a bit more rather than stating facts.

“Mister Dark, the whole team has arrived. Shall I start with the plan of yours?” Whispered the grunt, who was the boss’s assistant, to the boss. Another point I wanted to raise is with dialogue. If the part following the dialogue will not work as its own sentence but flows on from the dialogue (ie it tells us who said it and/or how it was said), then you can treat the two parts as one full sentence. Hence you shouldn't capitalise 'whispered' here as essentially you are capitalising a word in the Middle of the sentence (like so), which is incorrect.

“Yes assistant, but let me break that lock on the door.” Answered the boss.Same here - 'Answered the boss' doesn't work as its own sentence but it does say who said the dialogue before it, so treat the dialogue and it as one sentence. Although it doesn't apply to other punctuation marks (e.g. ! ? etc) you shouldn't use a full stop there but rather a comma. In other words it should look like this:
“Yes assistant, but let me break that lock on the door,” answered the boss.
I'd also suggest more description on what people look like and are like - I have little idea on the boss besides that he is evil - no details on looks or personality. On that note though, don't put in a lot of details - try to work in things about him during the story. (By that I mean don't say 'he had black hair.' but rather 'he scratched his black hair' - the latter has something happening while you describe and hence keeps the story moving. Showing personality also comes under that - don't say 'he was angry' but rather, say 'He stomped his foot and spat.' - that shows the reader he is angry without putting it bluntly). Only give relevant details too - the exact height of the trainer at the end for instance wasn't very important, and less so for a person not familiar with feet and inches as well.

But while they were walking, a trainer that lived 2 houses near the factory, woke up with his Mareep.Use letters for numbers smaller than 100, so two rather than 2 here. Watch your use of commas too - the one after 'factory' in particular is unnecessary and just creates an uncomfortable pause.

“Bi-Bidoof!” the Bidoof laughed evilly. The Mareep and trainer was in complete shock and fear. Mister Dark, the boss laughed evilly.A few points above cover this - 'laughed evilly' is repetitive, while 'was in complete shock and fear' is telling rather than showing and not that interesting to read. Rather than stating that show us they are in fear - e.g. trembling, mouth wide open, they feel their heart beating loudly, and so forth. There's a lot of ways you can go about it. You already did this well enough with the Mareep a paragraph or two before this quote; it just needs to be more the norm rather than the exception.

That'll do for now. Not a very positive review admittedly and this story does have potential, but I do feel there is a fair bit of work to be done for it to realise that - if the writing is awkward to read and has mistakes it distracts from the actual story no matter how good the plot may be. Take your time with writing and editing and consider checking out how other fics do it (or don't - one can learn from all sorts of stories, good and bad!). Good luck!

Trickster Zorua
11th March 2012, 5:19 PM
Okay, and thanks BB. ^^

Trickster Zorua
18th March 2012, 5:38 PM
New Chapter! <3:


Chapter 3: Drama in the Evening!
When they walked to the kitchen, they did direct started. Kevin did searched for dough so he can make for the pokémon Poffins. Ella did plucked fresh tomato’s of her garden, and for Kevin some berries. She put the berries on the cooking place were Kevin starts to make the poffins.

“Here Kevin. The berries you need for the Poffins.” Did she said with a high and cute voice. Kevin thanked her.

“Thank you Ella. I can start then with the poffins.” Did he answered and quickly did he chopped the berries and put them in the dough so he can bake it then. Ella did made from the tomato’s, tomato sauce for the spaghetti. She did called a pokémon out a Pokéball.

“Panpour! Can you please use Scald in the kettle? So I can put the spaghetti to the cook!” Did she asked to the pokémon that came out a pokéball. It was a Panpour, a Monkey-like pokémon that is a water type. He is always relaxed. But the Panpour nods.

“Pan! Panpour!” Did he said and used Scald, a move that shoot a beam of cooking water, that’s dangerous hot, what’s used much for people that cook, in the kettle. The spaghetti floats in the boiling water. Ella smiled and petted Panpour. It’s usual that Panpour help in the kitchen, like in this situation. Panpour did walked to Mareep and did greeted.

“Pan Pan! Panpour!~”

“Mar! Mareeep!” Did she said, but then when her wool did touched Panpour, it zapped him by the high voltage on the wool.

“PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” Did he yelled and cried. He had really pain by it. “Pan! Panpoouuuuur!”

Mareep field really guilty, and did said sorry.
“Mareep…” She did petted Panpour’s back, then he was happy.

“Panpoooour~” Did he singed and played with Mareep and Electrike dodgeball with the floating ball of Mareep. While they were playing, a hour later was the dinner ready. Ella and Kevin both yelled:

“DINNER!” Then the pokemon did heard that and ran to them. They were all begging.

“Well well Ella, they all are begging! Well…here you go!” Did said Kevin and gave the poffins to them. Ella walked with Kevin to the dinner table with the pokémon and start also with eating. They taste the food, it was really delicious for them. But later, at a moment…

“BOOOOOOM!” A sound near the house did sounded. Everyone ran to a window to see what happens. The disguise did disappeared and a sort of mega energy generator did appeared on the roof. It looked also like a Tractor-beam, aimed to the sky. Everyone was shocked.

“Look Ella! That’s Team Yami were I told about!” Did Kevin said to Ella and her pokémon. Everyone was scared. But then someone was on the top. Kevin focused on that person. It…like the boss from Team Yami. He recognized him from the last time. The whole group friends did ran to outside.
“YOU!” Did Kevin said angry, pointing to the boss. “What are you doing!?”

“Huh? That kid! With someone else… guys…take them!” Did commanded Mister Dark. Some Ninja grunts appear and surround them.

“Come with us. Or you all are going earlier die.” Did they said, and they came inside. The inside of the factory looks really weird. Everywhere computers and other electronics. While they are walking, they saw 2 shiny stones, and 3 shiny orbs. The stones are Black and White, and the orbs are Blue, Pink and Brown. Some researchers of other evil teams like Team Plasma and Team Galactic were researching some shiny objects. On a monitor of a gigantic computer, are there images of the legends and with objects that control them. After a couple minutes they arrive at Mister Dark’s room.

“Master Dark, here are the kids.” Did the ninja’s said and disappear, and the door is closed, but not locked.

“So, that are the kids. First, let me introduce me myself. I’m Peter Dark, the boss of Team Yami! We are trying to make the Shadow status of the Pokémon back, and the first test pokémon experiment was successful. You kid,’’ Did he said, pointed to Kevin. “you surely remember the Bidoof that now is in his Shadow status? That pokémon was the first experiment. Now we are trying to do the same thing with the Legendary Pokémons, for disappearing the light and the colors! So only Shadow Pokémon and Dark type Pokémon can live here, and of course we.”

“You did made one mistake! When we are free, we are saying it to the police! So you all get arrested for the horrible plan!” Did said Kevin, he did spoken that as a hero with a good heart.

“The police is not going to believe you! You two are kids of twelve! So they surely think you two are making a joke! Well, the reason I did wanted to talk with you both, is for giving a warning. Do one time stopping mine plan, then you two going earlier die then normal.”

The Ninja Grunts did took them again to outside and pushed them to the house of Ella.

“You did heard our boss, so, this is your last warning.” Did they said and disappeared.

“Oh my god, this is bad. I’m still try it to call the police, maybe someone believe us!” Did Kevin said angry.

“Yes, let’s go! Go Abra! Use Teleport to teleport us to the police office!” Did Ella said and called Abra, a other pokémon of her. Abra was a really little baby Abra. He smiled and nods.

“Abra! AAAABRAAAAAA!” Did Abra yelled and used Teleport. Mareep was scared and hided in Kevin’s backpack while they teleport…

Mrmuffin123
28th March 2012, 8:54 PM
Not really much of a cliff hanger

Trickster Zorua
29th March 2012, 7:22 PM
New chapter! ^^ Chapter 4: The International Police Agent! The switching from moments are really short, maybe I redo the chapter. But I don't know if I gonna do that.


Chapter 4: The International Police Agent!

Abra, Mareep, Electrike, Ella and Kevin did arrived at the street where the Police Office of Sunshine Town. Ella thanked her Abra.

“Thank you Abra. You get a cracker when we are home!” Did Ella said. Abra was happy and he did returned to his Pokéball. They all walked in and stopped at a nice lady. She had beautiful, long brown hair, with a tin, if she was on a beach.

“Hello there. What can I do for you two?” Did the lady asked.

“Hello, we want to say there’s a evil team called Team Yami here! In that new hotel!” Did Kevin said, and Ella replied on it.

“That’s true! Please believe us!”

“Well, it could be true, let me bring you all to our agent that stop teams like the old Team Galactic.” Did she replied, and they all nod. While they were walking to a little office, they all saw the training of the police agents, with the pokémon of them. The most ones all had a Houndour, or a Houndoom. And also a Stoutland or a other dog pokémon. The lady did opened the door of the office. “Mister Looker, two kids are reporting activity of a bad team called: “Team Yami”.” Did she said. The agent Looker did said:

“Okay, let them inside.” The lady nodded and walked the away, with Ella and Kevin in the office. “So, you two saw a bad team? Interesting… I’m going to research that. Thank you two to report it.”

“You welcome mister Looker, I think we see each other again, I want also to stop them.”

“Yeah, me too mister Looker! I’m with my Electrike ready!” Did they said.
“Okay, that’s fine. Well, I’m on the researching path, you two can go to home.” Did Looker replied. And it was 10 ‘o clock. They shocked when they saw the time and each other ran to the home of him and she and they did slept.

When it was midnight, something happened at Team Yami’s headquarters. A man came to a secret entrance, waiting on a grunt of Team Yami. When the grunt came, the mysterious man said: “Here’s the data for making the Shadow Pokémon more powerful. On the other night, I’m going to bring then the items to change the legendaries to Shadow.” He gave to the grunt a USB Flash drive with all the data on it. The grunt nodded and ran away to Mr. Dark’s office and put it in the computer of him. On the screen appeared a few maps. On the monitor saw he the names of it. “SP Data, Project DS, Pokémon Data, Database residents of Sunshine Town”. He did turned off the computer and ran away to the grunt sleep room and slept……

~The next morning~
Kevin had a digital timer clock that looked like a Voltorb. “Vol…vol…vol…TORB!” Did it said and made a sound to awake Kevin and Mareep. Mareep did waked up. She did snuggled up in Kevin’s bed. Kevin did opened his eyes and stroke Mareep’s fur. He smiled like always and hugged Mareep.

“Good morning Mareep! Whoa! You are still dirty from yesterday! Let me clean you!” Did Kevin said. Mareep cheered.

“Mareep~ Ma!” Did she said. Mareep love being washed by Kevin. And the reason is, because Mareep love the rubbing. It tickled her! She giggle when she get tickled!

“Okay Mareep! You look really excited, like every time when I’m going to wash you!” Did Kevin said. He took a sponge with soap and rubbed Mareep’s face. She giggled.

“Ma! Mare-e-eeep!” She smiled and blushed. And she did tried to blow the bubbles on her. Mareep enjoyed that. The little bubbles danced in the wind of Mareep’s mouth. When Kevin saw that, he remembered a hot spring in Heatblow City, a city close to Sunshine Town.

“Say Mareep, shall we go to the hot spring in Heatblow City? Then we can calm down about Team Yami!” Mareep did happy nodded. “Then we ask if Ella and Electrike and her other pokémon wants to come with us!” Mareep did smiled and thought about a romantic day with Electrike in the hot spring. She did hopped on Kevin’s back, and they ran to Ella’s house. Kevin knocked on the door. “Ella! Do you want to come with us to Heatblow City’s hot spring? And maybe later to the beach here?” Ella did replied before Mareep did wanted to knock on the door.

“Sure Kevin! Electrike and me do want that!” Mareep was happy! Ella did fast changed to her bikini. And she took a big beach ball that looked like a Drifloon. When they were ready, did Ella opened the door. “Here I am! With Electrike!” Did she said when she saw Kevin. Mareep saw Electrike.

“Ma! Mareep, reep?” She asked if Electrike does want to go with her alone in the hot spring. Electrike nodded. When everybody was ready, they took off to Route 1, the route what leaded to the city with the hot spring. Mareep and Electrike did putted each other’s head on the other’s body. It was so cute how they were walking as a couple. 15 minutes later did they arrived at the house that contain the entrance to Heatblow City. They walked in. A Police Agent did saw them.

“Hey Ella and Kevin! Are you two going to Heatblow City? Then good luck! It’s beautiful weather!” Did said the agent.

“Thanks for the info David!” Did Kevin replied and they walk further. Kevin and Ella now David. He’s a neighbor from the street where they live. He’s 45 years old, but really nice.

Kevin and Ella did walked strait the route with much windmills. The dandelions' seeds fly in the air. Mareep tried to blow them away. But every time when she try it, she get it in the nose and sneezed everytime it out. This time was it the same. Mareep did that and sneezed accidently on a wild Vulpix’s tails.

“Vuuuul!” Did the little Vulpix cried because the tails of the little Vulpix were under the mucus from Mareep. Mareep tried to say sorry.

“Ma…Mareep..” Did she said, the Vulpix accept the apology but did tried to clean his tails, but it didn’t worked. Then Mareep asked Kevin to try to clean it. “Ma! Mareep! Reep!” She pointed to the crying Vulpix and his tails.

“Sure Mareep! I do want to clean it for you!” Did Kevin replied and take some mucus-clearing soap and did rubbed the brown little tails, until they were clean. When they were clean, the little Vulpix thanked Kevin.

“Piiiix! Vulpix!” He did pointed to a empty pokéball of Kevin and himself.

“Wait Vulpix, do you want to be my pokémon? Great!” Did he said. He took the empty pokéball and tapped on his head, to catch him. Kevin dropped the pokéball on the ground. It did shook one time. Then two times, and then three times! And…a fourth time! Kevin grabbed the pokéball and hold it in the air. “Awesome! I have now a cute Vulpix! My second pokémon!

“That’s awesome Kevin!” Did Ella said, while she did congratulated Kevin with his new friend. Kevin put his new little Vulpix out the pokéball where he caught was a moment ago.

“Vul! Vulpix~” Did his new Vulpix said happy and high fived Mareep and Electrike and introduced himself to them.

“Well Mareep and Vulpix, I’m going to use this time my Pokédex! I got it when I was registered as a trainer!” Did he said and took his Pokédex out his backpack and scanned Mareep first.

“Mareep, the Wool Pokémon. Its fluffy coat swells to double when static electricity builds up. Touching it can be shocking. The gender is Female, her ability is Plus, and her moveset is: Tackle, Thundershock, Iron Tail and Charge. She is holding a Everstone, a Item that preventing evolving when the pokémon holds it.”
Then Kevin moved the camera of the Pokédex to his Vulpix.

“Vulpix, the Fox Pokémon. It controls balls of fire. As it grows, its six tails split from their tips to make more tails. It start as baby with one snow white tail, when it grows, the tails split to six tails. The gender is male, his ability is Flash Fire, His moveset is: Ember, Tail Whip, Quick Attack and Roar. He’s holding a Rawst Berry, a berry that a pokémon recover from his burn. ”

Then the last one, Ella’s Electrike. “Electrike, the Lightning Pokémon. Using electricity stored in its fur, it stimulates its muscles to heighten its reaction speed. The gender is Male, his ability is Minus, and his moveset is: Tackle, Thunder Wave, Leer and Howl. He’s holding a Everstone, a item that prevents a pokémon from evolving.”

ChloboShoka
31st March 2012, 10:33 AM
Decent chapters with an interesting plot. The other posters have made some good points as well. On the most recent chapter, I got confused with the overuse of did. Did Kevin said, Did Ella said. You don't really need all those dids. I'm not too keen on the descriptions and think they could be a bit better like on this line:


She is holding a Everstone, a Item that preventing evolving when the pokémon holds it.
I think this sentence could be better. Describing what the item looks like and why they're holding it.

PowerSpartanl99
1st April 2012, 6:56 AM
That was a great story! A very creative plotline. However, there were so many grammatical errors that I had to force myself to finish it. I suggest you go to a knowledgable person (ie an English teacher) and have them read over your next fanfic so people have a better reading experience.

Trickster Zorua
2nd April 2012, 4:44 PM
^thanks for the rates! ^^ But C.Gholy and PowerSpartanl99, I'm tryijng to use the tips, because I'm not English but Dutch, but I'm still on Elementary for some reason and can't really great English! ^^; But later do I edit this post with the new chapter! ^^


First before you read this, a moment is used from Angle's and AquaMilotic's Fanfic (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?564466-Aquatic-Passion-(PokeShipping-PG)&highlight= , got permission to use it from AquaMilotic!). The orginal moment was this: "In that fanfic, Ash and Misty are teasing Pikachu and Togetic because they are in a relationship, while Pikachu keeps denying that. Eventually, Ash and Misty apologize to them and stop teasing them."



Chapter 5: A Romantic Date with a Sad Twist!
“Cool! Mareep! You have a special ability! That’s a rare ability for you!” Said Kevin and scratched Mareep’s head. Mareep was happy and rubbed her head to Kevin’s leg.

“Ma! Mareeeeeep!” Did she said really cute.

“Well guys, shall we go? But first,” Did Kevin said and sit next to Vulpix. “Vulpix, we are going to a hot spring in a city, I did not told you about that when I caught you! So, now I said it. But don’t worry, if you don’t want to go in the water, it’s okay! There are fire pokémon to play with!” Vulpix was a little bit angry and annoyed, he did wanted to show he was not a wimp that is scared by water.

“Vulpiiix!” He yelled angry and calmed down. Kevin and Ella saw that he really wanted to go in the water.

“Well, okay then! I did not said anything then! He-he!” Did Kevin said nervous. The group continued with walking. While they were walking, Mareep and Electrike did watched in love to each other. Ella hugged her Electrike. “Electrike! I love you!” “Yeah, and for me the way around, I love you! Like Mareep loves Electrike! What cute!”
Mareep blushed and shook her head, in an attempt to deny what Kevin just said. Kevin and Ella laughed about that, which made Mareep feel annoyed and embarrassed. But when she and Electrike both got some Pokemon food, Mareep quickly forget his annoyance.

After Electrike got a hug from Ella, Mareep walked at her and gave her a hug as well. Kevin and Ella started hugging as well.
When they were walking, Ella did wanted to say Kevin something. “Kevin, I’ve been thinking. Maybe we teased Mareep and Ella a little bit too much on that moment.” Ella said to Kevin.

“What are you talking about?” he asked,

“When we were younger, we were so annoyed when people said we are a couple.” Ella answered. “Sure, we are a couple, but we still had to discover love. Mareep and Electrike are in the same phase now, and we should respect that.”

“I understand, you are right!” Kevin replied. “I feel so bad now, Mareep must be really angry with me. We’ll apologize to them, and not bother them with this again.” Ella agreed with that.

So they did, they apologized to Mareep and Electrike about the teasing comments about them being in love. They told their Pokemon they wouldn’t make teasing comments anymore, and let them discover themselves whether they are in love with each other or not. Mareep and Electrike looked happy and relieved, and hugged their trainers.
“So! Let’s go further! I see already the city!” Kevin noticed. He ran fast in the direction were he saw the city. Mareep and Electrike returned in their “Couple Walking” formation. After 5 minutes walking, they arrived at the hot spring. Kevin ran to the changing rooms, to put off his clothes and put his swimwear on and take a big jump in the water, and then a wave, that appeared by Kevin's big dive, did hit Ella, and made her so wet. Ella giggled a little bit but was also a little bit annoyed.

“Ha-ha Kevin! Now it’s your turn!” Did she said and came also in the water and splashed some water to each other in the hot spring.

While they were playing, Mareep and Electrike hided under a tree’s shadow, and hugged each other. Electrike did a sign for Mareep to wait on her spot. He did ran to a bush, with beautiful Gracidea’s, that are pink flowers that normal are plucked and putted in a bouquet for celebrations and it can also change a Shaymin’s form, he tried to pluck some and gave it to Mareep. Mareep was so happy when she saw it! She putted one in between her a ear and her head, and putted the other ones in her cute, and soft fluffy coat. She smiled. “Mareeeeee~” Did she said and hugged Electrike and secretly kissed him. He was happy and cheered when he received the kiss. He tried to use Thunder Wave, to make a little firework show for Mareep, his, maybe, new girlfriend. Mareep gave him a applause. When Mareep hugged him, while Electrike stopped with the show, did they fell asleep, and Mareep curled up with Electrike, what was really cute.

While they were sleeping, Kevin and Ella are still in the hot spring, stopped for a while with playing and relaxed in the warm water. “Ah, this is relaxing…” Did Kevin said and came secretly closer to Ella. “So … Ella…I have something to tell you…”

“What did you wanted to tell Kevin?” Replied Ella, with a big smile and blushed a little bit.

“I… I love you Ella!” Kevin blushed. But Ella did that more. Ella was happy and relieved.

“That was also my secret!” She said and hugged Kevin and slowly kissed him. “This… is my best day ever!” Did they both said, but then Vulpix felled in the water, and the water hurts him because he’s a fire type. He tried to swim to rescue himself, but it fails, because he never swam before.

“VUL! Piiiiiiiiiiiiix!” Did he cried really loud. He was crying because he thought he don’t survive it. He was trying to swim with his paws and his tails, but obviously it fails, he can’t even float on the water for one second! Kevin saw that and did swam to him.

“I’m going to save you Vulpix!” Did he said worried and swam faster and faster, until he reached him. Vulpix drowned in the water, but then Kevin dived a little bit to grab him and swam to back, to the ground around the Hot Spring, and putted him on it. Everyone that were in the area around the hot spring, surrounded them, watching in shock anf fear. Kevin tried to revive him with pushing his belly, to let him spit out the water, so he can breath. 3 minutes passed and nothing happened. Kevin cried a little bit on him. “Please Vulpix…survive it!” After a couple seconds later, a group Audino’s, Blissey’s and Chansey’s appeared with Nurse Joy and brought him to the nearest Pokémon Centre. Mareep and Electrike waked up when they heard Vulpix and the whole group hurries to the Pokémon Centre, with Ella, Kevin, Electrike and Mareep. When the kids with their pokémon arrive, Vulpix was connected to a Emergency Life-support computer, to try to make Vulpix alive again. His heartbeat was lower and lower…until….. the computer beeped long. That means his heartbeat is stopped… Kevin cried. “This cannot be! Please Vulpix! Be alive!” He cried more and putted his pokéball in his paws. Mareep gave him a Gracidea and putted it on a tail of him. Ella did cried also with the others….

cooloolcool
9th April 2012, 7:07 PM
Good fic. Shadow pokemon is interesting. I'm liking this. Grammar needs some work as mentionned above.

Trickster Zorua
9th April 2012, 7:24 PM
Yeah, but thanks that you are intrested! ^^

New chapter! ^^

Chapter 6: Mareep’s first battle!


Nurse Joy walked to Kevin, sad and petted on his back. “I’m sorry mister Kibo, but we can stay him a little longer, in that meanwhile we going to try to make him alive…”

“Yes!” Kevin said, while he was crying. “Please Nurse Joy! Do that! Then I think about him everyday. Until he’s restored, hopefully, we going to get all Gym Badges from this region, for him! We are then going to start with defeating the Gym Leader in Green Tree Town. That’s where Florina, the Grass Gym Leader lives.”

“That’s correct. Oh, and here’s a gift for your Vulpix if he get alive later. A Vulpix plushy and a “Get well” card.” Said Nurse Joy and gave Kevin the stuff and he put it in his backpack. Kevin looked one moment at Vulpix’s body, hug him and go with Ella to the map on the Pokémon Centre’s wall.

“Hmm… Green Tree Town is close to Heatblow City, just….30 minutes walking from here. But we can split the route in 2 days. On the road to Green Tree Town is a little Pokémon Centre. There can we rest. The road, that is a forest, is called the Time Forest, we must pass that forest, okay Ella?” Kevin asked to Ella. She was looking to Kevin, if she was ready. She nodded when Kevin asked if she was ready.

“Yes Kevin, I’m ready!” Did she yelled happy! If she was born to be ready! Electrike nodded and was also happy.

“Okay! Ella, Electrike and Mareep! Let’s go!” Kevin replied. Mareep climbed on his head, and sits on her favorite spot. The group kids walk with their pokémon to the direction of the town. While Kevin and Ella was walking like a couple, like Mareep and Electrike also do, did two trainers came out it nowhere, when they entered the route’s entrance.

“HALT! You all may not pass! Unless you two defeat us!” Did the two persons said, and they revealed their uniforms. It looked like ripped black clothes, with a purple sign on it, that looked like a purple ninja. “We want a tag battle! Is that okay?” Did the person said. The girl took 1 Pokéball out her pocket, and the boy also took 1 Pokéball out his pocket and were ready to battle.

“Wait Sister, what rude to don’t introduce ourselves. My name is Dracon, and my sister’s name is Roslina. We are students of the Black Ninja Pokémon school. We get learned by master ninja’s and samurai’s to train for pokémon battles.”

“Wow! Ninja kids! Okay, I want to battle! And you Ella?” Kevin asked to Ella, she was shocked by the appearance of them, but shook her head and nods. “Okay! Let’s go! Go Mareep!” He called Mareep to battle. Mareep was happy to finally battle, for the first time! She was happy to try for the first time.

“Go Electrike!” Did Ella yelled, while Electrike came to the battle field, and stay close to Mareep, to protect her.

“Go Nincada!” Did the girl yelled and sent her Nincada out his pokéball.

“Go Joltik!” Did the boy yelled and his Joltik appeared out spider web, that was made by him to block the exit and the entrance of the route, so they cannot escape for not battling.

Kevin did not recognized the pokémon and used his Pokédex to see the information about the pokémon.

“Nincada, the Trainee Pokémon. It grows underground, sensing its surroundings using antennae instead of its virtually blind eyes. It have a great defense, so it can take easily hits without getting really hurt bad. Joltik, the Attaching Pokémon. Joltik that live in cities have learned a technique for sucking electricity from the outlets in houses. They attach themselves to large-bodied Pokémon and absorb static electricity, which they store in an electric pouch.” Did the Pokédex said.

“Mareep! Use your Thundershock on Nincada!” Did Kevin commanded. Mareep hugged Electrike, and used Thundershock on Nincada, the little lightning of Mareep got hit by the lightning, but Nincada get not affected because his type is Electric and Ground.

“Use your Tackle Electrike!” Did Ella commanded to Electrike. Electrike nodded, kissed Mareep on her cheek and used Tackle on Joltik. He came fast to Joltik to give him pain with pounding him with his whole body. Joltik dodged it and listen to his trainer.

“Joltik! Use your Electroweb on Mareep!” Did the boy commanded to his Joltik and made a web with electricity on it and put it on Mareep, covering her whole body and her eyes. Mareep was crying because it hurt Mareep’s eyes. “Mareeeeeep!” Did she cried out.

“Nincada! Use your Secret Power on that Electrike!” Did the girl commanded. Nincada jumped on Electrike and release a glow of his body, to hit Electrike and he got asleep.

“Mareep! Use your Iron Tail to free yourself! Then use again Iron Tail on Nincada!” Did Kevin said to Mareep worried. Mareep stand up, her tail changed to iron for a moment, to break the web and jumped on Nincada and used Iron Tail on it. Nincada collapsed when he got hit. He was easily defeated. The girl returned her Nincada in her pokéball.

“Nincada! You did your best. Bro, defeat them!

“Yes sis! Joltik! Do now Bug Bite on Mareep!” Did the boy commanded, and Joltik jumped in the air, land on Mareep and tried to bite her. But Mareep shook her body and used on her own command without she known that she could that attack, she made a ball of electricity on her tail and launch it on Joltik, to make defeating him. “Oh no! Joltik! You did also a great job!” Did the boy said sad and he healed his Joltik, and the Joltik climbed on his head, and had fun in the battle.

“Mareep! What was that kind of attack!?” Did Kevin said shocked. Then his Pokédex zoomed. Kevin took the Pokédex and put it on.

“Mareep tried the move Electro Ball, she is still mastering the move, because she gained one level, so she’s at this moment Level 28.” Said the Pokédex. Mareep was happy and hugged her trainer.

“Well well, thank you for the battle. In exchange you two may train in our school’s training centre. To let Mareep master her Electro Ball.” Did offered the boy. Kevin and Ella accepted that.

“Thank you for giving us the offer! We accept it!”

“Alright, then follow us!” did the boy replied, walking with the whole group, including his sis, to his school, to let Ella and Kevin training the pokémon of them. The school building was a big dojo for ninja students. The big screen-door was closed. The boy and sister knocked on it. “Sensei, we are back. We have two new friends, they want to train their pokémon here in our trainings centre, may we permission for them?” did the brother said, but their sensei did not replied. The students were worried and opened the screen. It looked like a strong tornado crossed here, but nobody was there. But the whole group heard mumbling and quiet voices.

“Shut up you all! Give your pokémon to us! So that we can use that for our evil plans!” Did a deep male voice sounded. It came from the basement. Kevin, Ella, and the brother and sister ran to the basement, they saw a grunt from Team Yami, that tied up the students and the sensei from the school on a wall. He took the poké balls of the students.
“Hey! Stop you pokémon thief! Give the students’ pokémon back!” Kevin said angry. The grunt heard that and called a Throh from one pokéball he thieved from the students. Kevin used Mareep to battle the grunt.

“Throh! Use Seismic Toss on that Mareep!” commanded the grunt. Throh did received his command and throw Mareep high, then she felled to the ground, with heavy damage...

Survive Mareep that hit? Can Kevin rescue the kids and the sensei? To be continued!

From today, we get a PM list to follow my fic. If you are on that list, then the followers get a PM of me that says when a new chapter is released.

Interrupt
10th April 2012, 12:35 AM
Wow, this is really cool! Another Shadow Pokémon fic! I have on too, but it hasn't gotten to the Shadowmon part yet. *blush* It's well written, but it could use a Grammar Nazi concentration camp, if you ask me.

I agree. LOVIE TIEMS!! o3O

Trickster Zorua
10th April 2012, 4:26 PM
^Thank you! And lol. :p

Mrmuffin123
20th April 2012, 8:22 PM
I like the fifth chapter, the twist was really good!

Trickster Zorua
21st April 2012, 11:46 AM
^ Thanks dude! ^^

Trickster Zorua
24th April 2012, 12:25 PM
New Chapter! ^_^ 4 Pages long! 030 Only I had not much inspiration for this. ^^;


Chapter 7: The Rakki Fair!

Mareep tried to stand up, she whined of the pain she got by the Seismic Toss from that Throh. Kevin was really worried. “Mareep! Please stand up! You did never gave up in my eyes! Please! Stand up!” said Kevin worried, hugging Mareep. He gave also her a Potion. Mareep felt the Potion through her body. She stand happy up.

“MAREEEEP~” did Mareep yelled furious. She was angry about what Throh did to her cute, fluffy coat. It was all mixed-up and was under the dirt of the ground she fell on. Mareep sent a big thunder beam to the Throh. It was stronger then normal. Gigantic sparks surrounded Mareep’s fluffy coat when she was charging the attack. Until the Thunderbolt was released on Throh. The bolt hit the Judo Pokémon. Then some smoke appeared by the attack. Kevin’s Pokédex beeped when he detected the move. Kevin putted the Pokédex on and listed to it.

“Mareep just did Thunderbolt. A stronger version from Thundershock. She forgot Thundershock by it. She learned it by using Thundershock while she also did Charge.” said the Pokédex. Kevin was shocked. He was also happy. When the smoke cleared up, Throh was on the ground, fainted by Mareep’s new and strong attack.

“No! I did knew that the sensei’s pokémon was weak! Grrrr…here!” said the Grunt angry when he threw the Pokéballs of the kids and the Pokéball of the sensei and ran away. Kevin, Mareep, Electrike, Ella and the students of the school that walked with them, helped to cut the ropes that been used to tie the kids and the sensei to the wall.

“Thank you mister and young students of me. I’m the sensei of this school. Thank you for freeing us. That grunt wanted our pokémon. Again, thank you for stopping him.” said the sensei to the kids. He gave Ella and Kevin each other a egg. “This are special eggs. Care them good. You shall surprise which pokémon they are. But you two may train now in the trainings centre of us. Young student Keru, bring them to it.” The boy Keru, leaded Kevin and Ella, also their pokémon, to the trainings centre of the school. He explained everything about the centre. Then he leaved and let Kevin and Ella train their pokémon. After a hour training, did Mareep used Electro Ball. She did finally mastered the move she did once in a battle, and it replaced Tackle. Kevin and Mareep sheered when they saw that!

“Guys! We must celebrate this! But how?” Ella asked to the group. Then Keru came back.

“There’s a fair here behind our school. Every year Heatblow City organizes a fair, the Rakki fair. Rakki means lucky. It’s called so because the happy and lucky things are everytime happening around the time of the fair. So that’s why. You can celebrate it there! It’s starting right now!” Kevin, Ella, Mareep and Electrike nodded and ran to the fair.

They saw many Haunted Houses, Dart Games, Duck Fishing games and different other games and food stands. Ella and Kevin did immediately ran to a Cotton Candy stand, to buy a cotton candy, to share with each other. Kevin and Ella chewed both on it. It had a white color, that reminds Kevin of Mareep. On the top of it was, made from candy, a Mareep head. It was so cute, Kevin did offered to let Ella eat it. Ella did refused it because Kevin paid the cotton candy, so he ate the candy head.

Mareep and Electrike was walking around, also searching for some cotton candy. They saw then a Ambipom, making cotton candy for pokémon. When Mareep and Electrike was first in the line, Mareep asked a cotton candy that looked like a Mareep and a Electrike. On the left side Mareep and on the right side Electrike. When they got it, they went to a tree, relaxing in the shadow, eating the cotton candy. When Kevin and Ella, also Mareep and Electrike, ate the last bit of their cotton candies, then they did kissed each other.

Mareep blushed and hugged Electrike. After a long hug of Mareep and Electrike, they did walked around. Then Electrike saw a “Whack the Bell!” game and pulled Mareep to it. A Marowak explained how the game works and gave Electrike a hammer, specially to hit a button, so the bell can maybe rankle if he whack with much power. Electrike charged his up, grabbed the hammer and whacked the button. The bell-whacker reached only the first centimeters, while the bell is two meters high. Mareep gave Electrike a kiss, so he gets stronger. Electrike tried it again, and the bell-whacker hits the bell. He won a price for Mareep! There were toys, but also real big plushies. Mareep pointed to a Mareep plush, but the Marowak said you need more power for getting that. She was so sad, she started crying. Electrike was angry and said he did really wanted it for her. Then Marowak understand why he want it, so he gave it. While Mareep was still trying, did Electrike pushed it to Mareep. Mareep sniffed and saw it and hugged Electrike. They were so happy, so they walked to a tree’s shadow, and lay on the ground and slept…

While the Pokémon Couple were resting, did Kevin and Ella things that were fun! Kevin did walked with her, hand in hand, to a Merry-Go-Around. That was a exact copy of the one near Nimbasa City. Ella did really wanted to go to Nimbasa City when she’s 18. Kevin knew that and that’s why Kevin brought Ella to it. “Wow Kevin! This Merry-Go-Around look like that one in Nimbasa!” Complimented Ella and give him a kiss on his cheek. “I hope I can travel to Nimbasa City when I’m 18. Then I maybe going to live there, in the big city.” She had thoughts about walking in Nimbasa City, with her Panpour as a Simipour.

“I hope also it for you. But shall we Ella?” Kevin asked, when he grabbed softly Ella’s hand. Ella nods and walked in a door of the Ferry Wheel and are sitting in a cradle, watching the whole fair. “Ella, we are a cute couple, are we?” asked Kevin to Ella.

“Yeah. Like Mareep and Electrike. Oh look Kevin! I see them!” noticed Ella and point to a little green and a little white spot, near a tree. Kevin saw it and saw it really was Mareep and Electrike.

“What cute! They are so little from here! They look like little baby Joltik’s from here!” Kevin and Ella laughed about it. Then he blushed. “Eh…Ella, shall we…kiss?” he asked nervous. Ella nodded and come closer to Kevin, but then they were again on the ground. The man that controls the Ferry Wheel, said they must leave. They did so and did a walk around the whole fair. Then they saw a big blimp in the form of a Drifblim, the Blimp Pokémon. Ella did really wanted to go in with Electrike and Kevin.

“Mareep! Electrike! Come back!” called Kevin and Ella their pokémon. Mareep waked up, kissed Electrike, so he gets awake also and they run to their trainer.

“Shall we go to the blimp there?” asked Kevin to Mareep and Electrike. They were happy and nodded. The couples walked hand in hand to the man that do the rides. He said it was okay. He stepped in with Ella, Kevin, Electrike and the, cute little, Mareep. The man did started the blimp and they raise in the sky.

15 minutes later, they were at the highest point that was possible. Kevin and Ella, were watching happy to the group Swablu’s and Altaria’s that were flying in the sky. But one Swablu, had a weird color, it was not light blue, but gold! That Swablu greeted Mareep and Electrike and they introduced their self. Kevin and Ella saw that the Gold Swablu was there.

“Hello, nice to meet you Gold Swablu! My name’s Kevin!” introduced Kevin to the Gold Swablu. Then did Ella the same to the special Swablu.

“Hi, my name’s Ella! Nice to meet you Golden Swablu!” She smiled while she said that. The Swablu was happy, and flied circles around Ella and Kevin.

“Swab! Swablu~” did she singed when she landed on Ella. It was so cute when she sing. It was also beautiful. Ella petted her and gave her a cookie.

“Say little one, do you want to join me?” asked Ella. She nodded! The Gold Swablu was happy and hugged her.

“Awwww… congratulations with your Swablu! Or wait…Swa-gold! Ha-ha!” Everyone did laughed about that joke.

“Hmm… you know Swablu, I give you a name! What do you think about…Cloudy?” Swablu nodded when Ella gave her a cute name. Then took Kevin his Pokédex out his pocket and it scanned Cloudy.

“Swablu, the Cotton Bird Pokémon. It can’t relax when his or her surroundings are not clean. It wipes dirt and other trash off with the wings. This Swablu is a special one, because she’s Shiny. Shiny pokémon are really rare to get and to see. The difference is the colors of them. When they appear out their pokéballs, sometimes they shine sparkles. Her moveset is: Peck, Dragon Rush, Sing and Steel Wing. She holds a Swablu Doll. Her gender is Female.”

Ella looked happy when she heard all information of the Pokédex. Then the kids with their pokémon flied further in the blimp, to the beautiful sunset…

irock245
24th April 2012, 10:50 PM
This looks like a decent fic at first glance, but you really need english lessons. No time is writing "She stand happy up" ever acceptable. It should be, "She happily stood up."

And those" You did never gave up in my eyes!" This sentence shows two contradicting past words. It should be, "You haven't gave up yet! There's still hope in my eyes!" or something like that.

Just work on the grammer. also I think you should show some more descriptive scenes. If you don't give your readers a vgood understanding of what's gonig on, they might not understand what going on, and might be turned off from reading the fanfic. The first paragraph of your latest chapter was just, "X did this. Y was worried that Z did this to X.Y said this to X. etc. It's kinda been like that when ever I look at a few sentences.

Just work on those two points, and you could be on to something good.

My rate: 5.5/10 (Needs work)

Trickster Zorua
25th April 2012, 11:40 AM
^ OKay, thanks for the tips. I really apprentice it from you. I try to work on it, but I'm Dutch, so it's what hard for me. :P But thanks!

Trickster Zorua
14th May 2012, 4:04 PM
Chapter 8! ;) I did made this before I readed the tips, so it can be still the same errors like last time! ^^; (Hopefully it lures more people for reading this fic.)

Chapter 8: Meeting the Girl of the Nature!

When the blimp trip was over, reached the group the entrance of Time Forest. The leaves on the trees were bright green, like if they glow the whole time. Sunrays shining through the gaps of the trees, it was a beautiful forest.

“Ella, why do they call it the Time Forest?” asked Kevin.
“According to a legend, described in a cave’s wall, it says that Celebi, the Time Travel Pokémon, lives there in a old shrine, in the center of this forest. The forest live by her. She brings the plants, and the trees good energy, so they never die. She’s called by that task: “The Guardian of the Forest”. She only appear if the forest or the pokémon that lives there, are in danger.” Kevin thanked her for the information. Ella did as surprise for Mareep and Electrike, all of her pokémon out their Poké Balls. The Poké Balls let the pokémon out by a light blue, sparkling beam that hits the ground. Panpour and Abra came out their balls.

“Pan! Panpoooouuuuur~” did he singed happy. He hugged Electrike and Mareep, but then he saw the Shiny Swablu! He did wanted to meet her. Abra did the same, except the singing, he did just cheered a little bit. Ella said that Abra and Panpour are the other pokémon of her. She was happy she knows that they are also Ella’s pokemon. All pokémon, also Mareep and Electrike, walked with their trainers into the forest. Pansage’s, Simisage’s, and other Grass Pokémon lived in that forest. They all were building their nests, or collecting Berries, or singing when they work! It was a paradise for them! Panpour was scared of the Grass Pokémon. He was shivering, while he ,sort of, hugged Ella’s backpack really tight.

On a moment, when they arrive at a river, that split the whole forest in two, did they wanted to cross over. “How shall we cross over this river? We must cross over that, so we can reach Green Tree Town!” said Kevin. He wanted really to do reach the town, to defeat Florina, the Grass Gym Leader. “I will help you two!” said a girl voice loud, then a dead tree felt over the river, so it looks like a bridge. Then a girl appeared when the tree hit the ground. She had long purple hair, wearing a jeans and a long green shirt.

Kevin watched her shocked when he heard her voice. Panpour was more scared, and hided behind Ella’s legs. “Who are you?” asked Ella to that girl.

“My name’s Florina. I help trainers and travelers to cross this forest over. I protect this forest with my life since I was born here. No bad people are going to pass me and this forest! Or they must defeat me! And a little friend of me is protecting this also! I’m also the Gym Leader of Green Tree Town.” she introduced herself to them. Florina saw Panpour was scared, then she came closer to him, giving him a Oran Berry. “Here, your Panpour was scared of all grass pokémon.” said she to Ella, she was shocked.
“How can she understand my pokémon!?” Thought Kevin and Ella. Both were really shocked. Panpour was also shocked that she understand him, and nibble nervous on the berry…

“Nice to meet you. My name’s Kevin, and this is my Mareep! Thank you for putting the tree over the river, so we can pass it. But who is your little friend?” asked Kevin to Florina.

“Well…I can trust you both…my little friend is Celebi...” she said to Kevin and Ella. They were again shocked. “Let me show you her. She’s a little baby, so she’s extra cute.” she winked at Ella and Kevin, walking to a wooden house, in the forest. Kevin, Ella and their pokémon followed Florina. After 5 minutes walking, they arrived at the garden, behind the little wooden house. A gigantic pond were in the center, with trees that grows berries, apples and other fruit, that surrounded the pond. Then they saw a bright green light appearing. Out that light came Celebi, grabbing some apples and bananas, and gave them to the pokémon of Ella and Kevin. And gave a apple to Kevin, Ella and Florina. Everyone took a bite in the fruit. It had a perfect taste. “The taste is really great by Celebi’s power. She gave power to grow fruit perfectly.”

But when Celebi saw a black tail popping out a bush, she goes to it, and pull the tail. Out the bush came a Zorua. That Zorua giggled and changed to Celebi. Kevin heard that Zorua giggled, so he saw him in his Celebi form. Kevin was shocked, and walked to them. Ella and Florina talked to each other about how she can understand pokémon. Kevin looked Zorua really close, but he have still a Zorua tail. He pulled it, then Zorua did changed back, hanging in the air because Kevin still holds his tail! He was struggling to get his tail out Kevin’s hand.

Ella and Florina noticed it also and Ella giggled about it when that Zorua struggle.

“Hahaha! Kevin, you got Celebi’s friend, Zorua!” giggled Ella. She got all information about Celebi and Zorua by Florina. Celebi also giggled. Zorua did struggled more, then Kevin let him go. He did giggled again like the first time, and changed to Kevin. “Hey! Nobody imitate my boyfriend!” said she again and slapped Zorua and pulled his tail, so he changed back. Zorua rubbed at the place where he got slapped. Everyone except Zorua laughed about that. Then Zorua walks to Kevin, he had a little smile.

“Zor, Zorua?” did he asked with a cute, quiet voice. Kevin did not understand it.

“He said: “May I, be your pokémon mister?” translated Florina. Kevin thanked her for translating it, then Kevin crouched to Zorua, scratching his head.

“Sure little one! Welcome to my team!” welcomed Kevin Zorua to his team. Then he took a empty pokéball out his backpack. “Are you ready Zorua?” he asked to Zorua with a big smile. Zorua nodded and prepare to get caught. Then Kevin came closer to Zorua, and tap his head soft with the Pokéball, then he got caught about 3 shakes. Then Kevin was happy and yelled: “Yes! I have now a Zorua!” Kevin hold the Pokéball of Zorua high in the air. Ella, Florina and the pokémon that were on that moment cheered for Kevin! Then he let Zorua out his ball. He stretched and hugged Celebi, or atleast… he tried, but sadly he can’t reach her. Then she came closer, so Zorua reached her to hug. He did that to say a sort of “Good Bye!” to Celebi. He was still happy, to have Kevin as a good buddy. Mareep wanted to introduce herself to Zorua, but then he changed by illusions to her. She was shocked, it looked like if it was a clone of Mareep. Kevin laughed with the others. But then Mareep saw Zorua’s grey tail and pulled it, so he changed back.

Zorua, Mareep, Panpour and Swablu played with each other, while Kevin talks to Florina about Zorua. “So he’s sometimes nice? But does a Zorua don’t have to be naughty?” Florina replied with a nod.

“Yes, he’s nice because his real parents got killed by hunters… I saw that…that was the day I took care of him. He’s also learning English…he do sometimes say “Hello!” by trying. None of his chances worked…” Kevin smiled after hearing the information. He was also sad about Zorua’s parents… After hours the pokémon stopped with playing, because the dinner was ready. Celebi made a fruit salad for everyone. Zorua jumped in his bowl, acting like a monster of plants. Everyone laughed, but Panpour was scared, and ran away to a tree, crying of fear. Zorua walked to him and shook the salad of him off. He did tried to say sorry.

“Zorua…” said Zorua. Panpour forgave him, and returned to the rest, to eat… After the dinner, Kevin and Ella took their backpacks, putted them on their backs, ready to leave. Florina walked to the couple, want to shake their hands.

“Thank you for coming here. You brought Zorua a partner, a special partner... Hopefully I’m going to see you all tomorrow at my gym. Zorua, Celebi is coming then, so you don’t miss her then.” Zorua was happy to hear the news, and hugged Celebi, then jumped on Kevin’s head, ready for his new adventure. Florina and Celebi waved them, when they leaved to the end of Time Forest. When the sun was down, Kevin prepared with Zorua tents and a big campfire, that is roasting berries they all like. Mareep was singing for Electrike, and Ella did singed for Kevin. The mans of the couples listed to it, fell slowly asleep, like Ella and Mareep. Zorua and Swablu were also sleeping, like the Panpour of Ella…

cooloolcool
16th May 2012, 8:25 PM
Talking Zorua? Interesting. Can't wait to see where this is going!

Trickster Zorua
16th May 2012, 8:46 PM
Thank you! ^^ He's learning to talk though, he can't even say "Hello!". xD

Trickster Zorua
3rd June 2012, 1:48 PM
Finally a new chapter! ^^


Chapter 9: Mother Nature in Action! A Wonder of a Miracle!?

A new day began to rise! The sun beams through trees and holes of trees, so they can reach the ground. When one big sunshine shined on the group, they waked all up. Mareep yawned cute and walked to Kevin, giving his toothbrush, to brush his teeth. He petted her and then brushed his teeth, while Mareep walks to Electrike, trying to get him awake by snuggling. He hugged her, then waked up. He was surprised to see Mareep. They curled up on the ground and did a little nap. Then the rest wakes up, and eating breakfast. On 9 ‘o clock, they were preparing to travel to the Gym of Florina. Mareep and Electrike kissed each other, and walked as a couple to their trainers. Then the whole group started walking to the end.

Swablu was sitting on Ella’s head, enjoying the height. Mareep sit in Kevin’s backpack, secretly nibbling on her favorite berry. When Mareep, jumped out the backpack and was sitting on Kevin’s head, they all saw Green Tree Town. Ella noticed that as first.

“Look Kevin! There’s Green Tree Town!” she pointed at a couple of tree houses, made from wood and grass. Kevin ran faster with Ella and their pokémon. Then they arrived the town. It looked like a jungle and not a town! But then a young girl showed up, with short green hair in Hawaiian clothes.

“Hello! Welcome to Green Tree Town! The town from Mother Nature! Because it’s you two’s first time here, here’s a little tourist map about our little town!” said the girl, giving Kevin the stuff. He opened it and he saw everything on the map. He then saw the Gym on the map, and some information about it.

“The Gym Leader Florina is a young Gym Leader with much talent! Her mother and father trained her. She’s the first Gym Leader, but she’s harder then other normal first Gym Leaders in the other regions!” read Kevin. Everyone was listening. Then Mareep and Zorua was excited. Later everyone walked to a wooden building. It was covered by ivy’s and other plants. It was the Gym of Florina. Everyone entered the gym. When they arrived to the entrance, they saw Florina high in the sky, on a platform. Kevin could not reach it with his pokémon. Ella could also not reach the platform. It was surely a puzzle of her. Kevin was thinking deep. Mareep and Zorua also.

But suddenly… the X-Transciever ringed. He took the call. It was from Nurse Joy in the hospital of Heatblow City. “Hello Mister Kibo! I have good news! Vulpix is again alive! He woke up! I shall show him to you!” Kevin, Ella and the pokémon was shocked. Everyone did looked in the X-Transciever, so everybody can see Vulpix.

“Vul! Vulpiiix!” did Vulpix said in the hospital, waving to everybody. Kevin was happy, Ella did cheered with everyone.

“I’m going to send you him! Go to the nearest Pokémon Center, then I transfer him to you, in his pokéball!” Kevin nodded and the rest already leave to the Pokémon Center.

“Florina, our battle waits! I must pick up a old friend of me!” Florina understand what he said, and Kevin leaved also to the PC of the Pokémon Center of Green Tree Town. Kevin logged in the PC by his X-Transciever, and it opens a program to talk with Nurse Joy again.

“Hello Kevin! You are back! I send Vulpix now!” did she said when she saw Kevin and Ella, and the pokémon of them. Then Vulpix walked to the camera of Nurse Joy, waving to the group that watched him. Nurse Joy putted him in his pokéball, and put it in a transporter, to send him to Kevin. After a couple of seconds, a ball of light appeared in the PC’s teleporter. 3 seconds later it’s revealed that the Pokéball of Vulpix the light ball was! Kevin grabbed it, and let Vulpix out of the ball. He cheered! Swablu and Zorua introduced them self to Vulpix. He was so happy, he hugged Kevin, what cause Kevin to fall by Vulpix, because he’s a little bit heavy for him.

“Vul! Vulpix! Vul!” said he to his trainer, while he’s hugging and licking. Kevin missed Vulpix really much, and hugged him. Then Vulpix thanked Mareep for the Gracidea she gave while he was dead. Ella suggested to return to Florina to battle.

“Kevin! Let’s go to Florina! There can Vulpix hold his first battle! Then she have also a disadvantage! Because Grass is weak to Fire!” also noticed Ella when she thought about Florina’s Gym. Kevin nodded.

“Great idea Ella! Come on Mareep, Zorua and Vulpix! Let’s go to the Gym of Florina!” Everyone cheered and ran to Florina’s Gym again. But they still must solve the riddle, to reach the platform where Florina and her pokémon wait to battle. Kevin and Ella were thinking about how they reach her. Then they both had a idea. And their pokémon were already busy with the idea. The idea of them all was to build a bridge made of pokémon! It was 3.8 meters/around 12.5 feet high. Kevin and Ella used the “bridge” to reach the platform. When Kevin and Ella reached it, they pull their pokémon to the platform. Ella and her pokémon sat on the tribune. Ella was cheering for Kevin and his pokémon. Electrike did for Mareep!

“So Kevin, you reached this platform by your pokémon friends. You are ready for our battle. Hopefully you win this, but don’t think I’m a easy pullover!” said Florina before she called her first pokémon. That was a Sewaddle, the Sewing Pokémon. Kevin’s Pokédex beeped when he detected Sewaddle. He grabbed his Pokédex and listened to it.

“Sewaddle, the Sewing Pokémon. Leavanny dress it in clothes they made for it when it hatched. It hides its head in its hood while it is sleeping. Sewaddle can also make clothes for them self by chewing up leaves and sew them with String Shot. He have no item, his gender is Male, his ability is Swarm and have the following moves: Hidden Power, String Shot, Bug Bite and Energy Ball. His type is Bug/Grass.” Kevin putted the Pokédex in his pocket, and let Vulpix fight. He ran to his battle position.

“I start first! Sewaddle! Use immediately String Shot!” commanded Florina.

“SEEEEEEEEEE! WADDDDDLEEEE!” Sewaddle spitted a sticky white thread that “mummified” Vulpix completely. He can’t even move a inch!

“Vul! PIIIIIX!” did he cried out before he was “mummified”! He tried to scream it out when the thread was surrounding him, but his mouth was also stuck.

“VULPIX! Use Ember to burn that thread to ashes! Then use again Ember on Sewaddle!” commanded Kevin to the Fox Pokémon. He was still stuck, he tried to make the little flames, and used on the thread. It was burning, and after 2 seconds he was freed of Sewaddle’s String Shot! Then Vulpix ran quickly to Sewaddle, while he was preparing Ember. Sewaddle was a little bit scared, then Vulpix launched the little flames he stored for his attack! Sewaddle got hit, really heavy. He was almost completely Knock Out! But he have still a little bit energy left after that hit.

“Sewaddle! Use quickly our secret weapon! Hidden Power!” commanded Florina worried with a high voice to Sewaddle. He stood up, and charged quickly light balls, that turn light blue, then he launched it at Vulpix. It was Hidden Power Water! Vulpix forgot to dodge, so he got hit. He had almost no energy left for to battle..but he gave the last blow to Sewaddle.

“Vulpix! Do Quick Attack!” said Kevin worried. He saw in Vulpix’s eyes, tears of the pain. He knew that he couldn’t battle anymore after his last attack. Vulpix ran quickly in the direction of Sewaddle. Vulpix was faster then before! Sewaddle saw him only at the last moment, but it was too late to dodge. Sewaddle got smashed to the soft wall. Then he fell to the ground, not moving. So he was K.O. Vulpix fell also KO to the ground, both had no energy left. Florina returned Sewaddle. Kevin ran to Vulpix, he was worried. “Vulpix! Is everything okay!?” Vulpix opened his eyes, watched to Kevin.

“Vul…pix…” he nodded with a weakly voice to Kevin. Then he did closed his eyes. Kevin returned him in his pokéball.

“Vulpix, thank you. You deserve a nap, for resting after that such hard battle. Florina, you are good, but I’m going to win!” said Kevin with hope, pointing to Florina. Florina had also a smile.

“I feel your happiness, that’s a good sign!” said Florina wise.

“If you think that was my last pokémon, you have it wrong! Go Mareep!” Mareep jumped from her trainer’s head to her position to battle. Florina send her last pokémon. Out the pokéball appeared a light blue beam to form the pokémon. It was a… Roselia! The Pokédex beeped again, while Kevin was watching that Roselia.

“Roselia, the Thorn Pokémon. The more healthy the Roselia, the more pleasant its flowers' aroma. Its scent deeply relaxes people. The gender is Female, her moveset is Stun Spore, Mega Drain, Leech Seed and Poison Sting. She holds a Poison Barb, a item that boost Poison Attacks with 10 percent! Her ability is: Poison Point!” reported the Pokédex to Kevin. Kevin thought about Mareep.

“This is bad, Mareep’s electric attacks is cut to half because Florina is a Grass Type. This is going to be hard for her…… the only attacks that only work are Tackle and Iron Tail. And the two moves are surely not strong enough for it…” Mareep was worried about her trainer. He was so busy thinking about the battle, he wanted really to win… He stopped with thinking and commanded Mareep to battle.

“Mareep! Do quickly Iron Tail!” Mareep nodded, smiled and her long, cute tail, glow silver, like if it’s made from real iron and metal. Then she swing her tail at Roselia. Roselia was a little bit hurt. But she had still much energy left. But then…they all notice that Mareep had Poison by Roselia’s ability. Mareep whines of the pain by the poison she got from Roselia.

“Ma…reep…..” she had really pain, so much, she was almost crying. Kevin, Electrike of Ella, and the rest are really worried. Electrike was trying to cheer Mareep up. Later Mareep stood up, with a fiery flame in her eye! She was angry, rushed to Roselia. Her tail had a Silver Glow again at her tail, only much brighter, then she swing it at Roselia, making her KO.

Roselia was defeated by Mareep, Florina was shocked. Electrike was happy Mareep won. And Ella was happy for Kevin. Electrike hugged Mareep and Ella hugged Kevin. Everyone was happy, even the Gym Leader. “Kevin, that was a wonderful battle. Your Mareep is really strong. But without that cheering from her,” pointed she to Ella “pokémon Electrike, I won. Here’s your first Gym Ba- wait, do you have no Badge Case Kevin? Then you must go to Professor Violet! Her Lab is just next to the Pokémon Center here!” said Florina. Kevin hurried to the lab. Ella was staying in the Gym, to talk with Florina.

Kevin and Mareep was running fast to the lab. After they finally arrived, they entered the modern building. They saw a woman with light brown her, in a lab coat, feeding all starter pokémon she got there. “Hello? Are you Professor Violet? I need a Badge Case.” asked Kevin to her. The woman nodded.

“Yes I am. But you look like you have no starter pokémon, right? Only a Mareep and some other pokémon. Hmmm… follow me, you may choose first a Starter Pokémon from me.” Kevin and Mareep followed her to a big garden outside. Both saw a big farm filled with every starter pokémon of every region. Mudkips were sleeping into a little pond, Bulbasaurs, Chikoritas, Turtwigs and Snivys were sleeping the grass field, Chimchars and Tepigs were playing near the warm nests, Cyndaquils, Charmanders and Torchics were training their fire attacks in a area full of rocks, and Totodiles, Oshawotts, Piplups and Squirtles were playing into a big hot spring. There were so many pokémon there, he could not easy choose who’s he taking with for adventures!

Trickster Zorua
1st July 2012, 4:09 PM
New chapter again! But why is it not popular? :<


Chapter 10: Starter discussion and the team mission!

“There’s much choice her young trainer. We have every starter pokémon from every region here! So say which you want!” did Professor Violet said to Kevin with a bright smile. Kevin was searching for the perfect starter for him. Mareep was also looking high and low for a new friend for her trainer. It was hard for them, until they saw a little Squirtle spitting a little big water to Kevin and Mareep. They saw that and were happy and Kevin tried to ask him to be his partner, but Squirtle was scared of him and ran quickly away to the lab. Kevin and Mareep were running after it.

“Come back you little Squirtle! I just want to be partners with you!” Mareep was sitting on Kevin’s head, like always, and try to say Kevin can be trusted, but Squirtle hided away somewhere.

“Well, sorry mister, he’s just shy. He’s everytime so, so it’s not special that he ran away from you. I’m really sorry.” said Professor Violet to Kevin. He was sad when he heard the news. But Mareep saw his tail popping out a little hole in the wall, Mareep pulled Kevin’s leg and pointed to the tail.

“Ma! Mareep! Ma Mareep!” Kevin noticed Mareep’s voice and watched the direction that Mareep pointed to. Then he walked to it, pulled the tail a little bit. He felt struggling from the Squirtle.

“Squirt! Squirtle!” He had really fear, Kevin noticed that by his voice. Kevin pulled him out the hole. Then Squirtle did calmed down a little bit when Kevin gave a poffin to him. He smiled a little bit and nibbled on the blue, sweet poffin. “Squirt! Le!” he was happy and hugged Kevin. Both were laughing about the same moment.

“Well mister, maybe he wants to be your starter pokémon!” said Professor Violet with a smile. Kevin looked to Squirtle when he nods. He smiled and grabbed Squirtle and hugged him. Both were happy. Then Mareep walked next to Professor Violet, they both smiles. Then putted Kevin Squirtle down and walked to Professor Violet. “May I my badge case please?” Violet nodded and give his a brand-new badge case. He was happy. Squirtle and Mareep cheered. Then Kevin and his pokémon walked back to the gym. After 5 minutes walking, did they arrived back at the gym. Ella and Florina spotted him.

“Hi Kevin, are you now ready to get the Badge?” asked Florina while she giggled. Kevin nodded on that question. He gave the badge case to Florina and opened it. Then Florina putted the badge in the hole that fits with the badge. “And hereby I give you the Nature Badge, a badge that show that you fought hard against me.” Kevin smiled and putted his case back in his backpack. Ella and Electrike was cheering…..until………

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” A explosion appeared at the gym. Smoke covered the whole building, while something came out a hole from the wall, that was made by the explosion. Ella and Mareep was worried. Someone could be hear of the hole.

“Bwahahaha! It worked!” When the smoke lifted, everyone saw someone in a black cage-like robot, controlled by someone in dark clothes. “I, Commander Port of Team Yami, succeed phase one of my mission! Intruding the building!”

Kevin was angry, and yelled at Port. “Go away Team Yami! Or you get defeated by my team!” The Commander looked at him, but did not cared about him.

“Nobody can defeat me with this machine. I’m going to steal the Celebi of the Gym Leader Florina!” His robot’s left arm turned into a sucker to catch Celebi. Florina was mad and let Celebi out her pokeball.

“Celebi! Destroy that evil machine by your powers!” Celebi nodded and was charging up her powers, to control the trees in the building. The trees’ sticks trying to keep the machine on one place. But the robot used a flamethrower to burn it. Then the sucker sucked up Celebi, and putted her in a special cage, inside the robot. Celebi was knocking on the protected window inside it.

“Biiiii! Celebiiiiiiii!” Celebi tried to call for help. Then Kevin was angry and used his strong Mareep against the robot.

“Mareep! Use your Iron Tail!” Mareep listened to her trainer and nodded. Her tail glowed Silver like the color of metal and smacked it at the robot. The robot got a little bit damage, but not enough to stop the robot. The grunt of Team Yami laughed evil.

“Was that your attack? Hahaha! That was nothing!” Kevin was shocked with the rest. Then the robot used a smoke bomb to escape of the building, without left any trace…Florina was sad.

“Who was he? And what shall they do with my Celebi!?” she was also worried. Kevin replied on her questions, while Kevin don’t know the answer on her second question about Celebi.

“He’s from Team Yami, a bad organization that’s trying to disappear all light and colors, to let live Shadow Pokemon, evil pokemon, and Dark Pokemon, and the team self!” Florina was shocked. “Listen Florina, you may travel with us for a while, to stop Team Yami!” Florina accepted the offer, and Ella nodded to say it’s okay.

While they were discussing their route, Port brought Celebi to Mister Dark. Celebi was still in the cage, struggling to get out.

“Struggling is useless Celebi. Say Celebi, where’s Giratina? And Darkrai? We search for them to make our plan true.” Celebi shook her head to say no to his plan. “Then we have no choice. Port, put her in the box.” he said to Port with a smirk. He nodded and putted Celebi in that glass box that can turn every pokemon to a Shadow Pokemon. He hook the machine up to the box and putted it on. Purple smoke was filling the box completely. Celebi glowed light green and filtered the smoke to normal. Mister Dark shocked when he saw Celebi can resist it. “WHAT!? Impossible! Computer! Repeat the process!” The computer that control the whole headquarters from Team Yami tried to do it again.

“Celebi can resist the Shadow Smoke because she can filter it like filtering water. Changing her is hard to do. It’s only possible if she can’t do filter something. I’m researching her for finding a solution for it.” The computer’s scanner tried to scan Celebi inside the box. Celebi used Leaf Tornado on it, so the scanner broke. “Scanner is broken. Boot up repair program.” The computer started a program up to fix her scanner. “Repairing time is 2 minutes, 7,391206 seconds. What must I do now, Dark?” Asked the computer to mister Dark.

“Hook Celebi to you up, and search the location of Darkrai and Giratina. By Celebi’s connection with all things that live.” commanded mister Dark to the computer. Celebi was to weak to attack, so the computer putted some of her cables in the box and hook Celebi up it. The computer sucked for a while Celebi’s connection up to find Darkrai and Giratina.

“Darkrai and Giratina are not found in all regions. Asking permission to put me in my robot body and getting Team Galactic’s people that know where they are.”

“You got my permission computer!” The computer putted herself in a robot body. It was shaped to a metal lady. She flied by her rocket feet to Sinnoh’s prison, to release some Team Galactic people…

iMillenium
30th July 2012, 1:35 AM
First paragraph - Never had anything evil happened to it.
Correction - Never had anything evil happen to it.

Trickster Zorua
5th August 2012, 4:56 PM
I know, but please iMilleninum, give me next time a advanced rate, or you get a infraction of the mods/admins. But coming soon I check the chapters, before I start new chapters!

Trickster Zorua
10th August 2012, 1:21 PM
Guys! I rewrited the first chapter! Please rate it! It have better grammatica (I think!)

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Chapter 1: The First Chapter…


On a day, in the newly discovered Heiwa region, meaning “Peace”, did never appeared evil in the, peaceful, region, until today… A new team appeared, called Team Yami. They appeared in the Heiwa region, to do their secret evil plan…

It happened in midnight , there came strange vans to the Heiwa Region, with some people in dark clothes and some machines. The vans were all black, so they couldn’t be noticed in the dark easily. They were riding quiet and slow to an old abandoned factory. After the vans arrived at the big gate in front of the old factory, the people came out of the vans. One grunt of the whole team walked to the boss of them, the boss was wearing a black lab coat, with triangle sunglasses. “Mister Dark, the whole team has arrived. Shall I start with the operation?” Whispered the grunt, who was the boss’ assistant, to the boss.

“Yes assistant, but let me open the lock of the gate.” Answered the boss. Then he called his Houndoom out of his Dark Ball, a special Pokéball made by them to easily catch Pokémon, and the pokemon caught with that listen to their masters, with a evil heart... The Houndoom looked evil with the black glow he had. It was the last Shadow Pokemon from the time that all Shadow Pokemon had been purified in a another region.
“Houndoom, use Crunch to break that lock.” command the boss to the Dark Pokémon.

The Houndoom nodded. “Houn... HOUNDOOM!” did he said while using Crunch on the lock. What only was left from the lock, was the destroyed chain of it.

“Well done Houndoom.” His owner said and putted Houndoom back in his Dark Ball. “Let’s go.” commanded the boss, and the grunts followed him.

The whole team did parked the vans before they followed their boss. But while they were walking, a trainer that lived 2 houses away of the factory, woke up with his Mareep. “Huh?" the trainer yawned with his Mareep, only did the female Mareep yawned a little bit quieter. "There’s something happening in the factory Mareep! Come with me, we going to check that out. I have a bad feeling about this…” whispered the trainer to his Mareep, she nodded because she have also a bad feeling about it.
“Mareep!” said his Mareep and helped her trainer with giving him his backpack.
“Thanks Mareep!” The trainer gave her a compliment. Mareep giggled. “Come, let’s go!” her trainer said and ran fast, with Mareep on his side, to the factory.

When they arrived at the big scary factory, the trainer looked secretly into the little hole in the door. “Mister Dark, we are ready. Shall I start the machine?” asked the assistant.

“Yes, but where’s the first pokémon to test the machine?” he replied. The trainer and his Mareep were shocked. “M-M-Mareep?” she talked to her self, asking her self what they mean with that machine they mentioned, while she’s shivering by the fear she had. When they stared again at the boss and his assistant, a grunt came in the room holding a Bidoof that struggle and don’t want to be the experiment. “Bi! Bidoof!” he cried, but the grunt slapped him and put him in a glass box. Then he closed the glass box by a metal plate.
“BIDOOOOOOOF!” he cried out in pain, while dark thick purple smoke appeared in the box, covering the inside completely. After a few seconds, the smoke disappeared, and the Bidoof had a Shadow glow around him and other attacks.

“Bi-Bidoof!” the Bidoof laughed evilly. The Mareep and trainer was really scared and shocked by seeing it. Mister Dark, the boss of Team Yami, laughed evilly. “It works! That Pokémon did changed to a Shadow Pokémon!”

The grunt that putted the Bidoof in that box, putted the same Bidoof out the glass box. Then Mister Dark petted the Bidoof, like it was the Persian of Giovanni, the boss from Team Rocket.

“So. A new weapon for us!” did he cheered, with the other grunts, and caught him in a Dark Ball. Two grunts filled the two empty orbs, what was filled first with the purple liquid, and put it in the storage of the machine, were more of such orbs were stored in.

Mareep was so shocked, that she used Thundershock, to attack the evil team. “Intruder!” yelled a grunt when he noticed Mareep.

Mister Dark called his Shadow Bidoof out. “Bidoof! Use Shadow Wave!” Bidoof did used Shadow Wave on Mareep. Mareep flew out of the trainer’s arms, knock out by the weird, but strong, attack of the Bidoof.

“Oh no! Mareep!” he screamed worried and ran to a Pokémon Center, with Mareep in his arms. But the team don’t do anything when he ran away.
“Hmm… a kid saw surely our plan. Well…if he come to stop us, then he will get problems, HUGE problems.” said the boss and closed the door, so nobody else could saw the machines. The boss walked to the machine and pulled a switch of it. The little machine transformed to a big machine with many cables and plugs. The machine plugged everywhere in the factory cables. Security camera’s appeared on the factory, but also electricity, water, gas and all. After the setup from the machine, a disguise was installed in the factory. It look like if the factory was a modern and luxury hotel with a swimming pool. The boss went to a room with the grunts, they built beds, and then they all went to sleep.

When Kevin finally arrived at the Pokémon Center, he rushed to the counter, where a nurse waited for somebody to help with.
“Nurse Joy! Can you please heal my Mareep!?” asked the trainer with Mareep fainted in his arms. Nurse Joy, with her cute voice and pink hair, replied.

“Sure mister…” “Kevin is the name. I must still get a Trainer Card.”

“Ah, okay. After healing your Mareep, I’m going then make your Trainer Card.”

“Okay Nurse Joy. That’s okay.” Kevin replied. After five minutes, Nurse Joy came back with his Mareep.

“Mareep!” said Mareep happy and hugged her trainer. “Your Pokémon is healed! Shall we make your Trainer Card?”

“Yes please.” did he replied, while hugging his Mareep. Then Kevin followed Nurse Joy, while Mareep was putted on his head, sleeping and snoring cute.

“Can you please write the needed information in this form please?” asked Nurse Joy and gave Kevin a form. He did written the information and gave it back. Nurse Joy did putted the form’s information in her computer, and a machine printed a Trainer Card for Kevin on special plastic, with his photo and the information and she gave it to him. “Your age is 12, your surname is Kibo, your Pokémon is Mareep right now, your length is 4 “92. Here is your card.” Nurse Joy said everything about him and gave the card to Kevin. “Don’t worry, if there’s something happened with your party, the card update it. It’s a digital card, so it’s handy if you don’t have to get a new card!”

“Thanks Nurse Joy!” did he replied and ran back to his house, then to his room, putted Mareep on her favorite pillow to sleep on, putted his card in his backpack and fell asleep on his soft bed, tired of the mysterious case from Team Yami.

Trickster Zorua
12th February 2013, 4:29 PM
Guys, I have some (good I think) news about the fan-fic. First, it's not gonna end. But, it's gonna be rewritten by me! So this thread is gonna be locked as soon as possible. Don't be scared fans, when it's locked, I will post as fast as I can the rewritten first chapter!

Here are some things that are going to be changed:

- Ella will be switched with another girl
- Some details would be advanced/edited/deleted.
- The new Pokémon of the coming Generation 6 is gonna be in!
- There's coming filler chapters. (Mostly the characters go to an island or a little place of the region, or a flashback etc.)
- There are coming cameo's/referrences of my Serebii friends, or they can be just in the story as character!

Here are some things that are NOT going to be changed:

- The other characters (Kevin, the rivals etc.)
- The Region (Maybe more places, not sure about this)
- The Gym Leaders (So far, it can be changed afterall!)