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mrpokemonawesome411
19th March 2012, 10:13 PM
NOTE: This is supposed to be funny, and I don't own any of the people in this 'cause that would be weird. And also the writing is meant to be bad because it's kind of a parody of stuff that I'm not sure of. *shrug*
Also, this is mystery-dungeon-ish. http://www.serebiiforums.com/images/smilies2/218.gif

Chapter Uno


The Extremely Cliché Adventures of Team Maroon 5

Once upon a time, there existed three Pokémon descended from the PokéGods – Angelina Jolie the Chikorita, Kelly Clarkson the Piplup, and Tom Cruise the Charmander.

The PokéGods were the wise ancestors of most Pokémon today, with the exception that they are extremely powerful and difficult at best to defeat. However, defeating all forty-five of them warrants the champion everlasting glory, a lifetime supply of Reviver Seeds, and superhero powers!

It was Team Maroon 5’s wish to become PokéGods. But unfortunately, they were only level 5 and needed a lot of training to do so. However, Team Maroon 5 was special – they had powers passed down to them from the three eldest PokéGods – Rayquaza, Dialga, and Celebi.

Angelina Jolie the Chikorita had the power of laser vision, allowing her to disintegrate Ice-type Pokémon on contact. Her family was direct descendants of Rayquaza.

Kelly Clarkson the Piplup had the power of super strength, allowing her to move boulders with her mind! She was a direct descendant of Dialga.

And finally, Tom Cruise the Charmander had the power of sonic burps, acting as sonar to guide Team Maroon 5 wherever they needed to go at any one time. His mother was Celebi.

Well, now that I have given the exposition, it is time for our story to begin!

GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL

One morning I (Angelina Jolie the Chikorita) woke up and decided to train in a very hard dungeon. My name is Angelina Jolie. I am a level 5 Chikorita, descendant of Rayquaza, most beautiful Chikorita in all of the Pokéworld. I have laser vision that allows me to disintegrate Ice Pokémon. Most people fear me on sight.

But this morning I had to work for my guild (the Tangrove guild) to go and find some rubbishy nonsense named Mr. Piggy-Oink-Oink-Face, a Spoink who was too lazy to rescue himself.

I gathered the rest of my team, Kelly Clarkson the Piplup and Tom Cruise the Charmander.

“SO,” I said importantly. “We have to go rescue Mr. Piggy-Oink-Oink-Face. He’s in the Extremely Hard Dungeon Nobody Survives, on floor 287.”

“Why are we doing this?” asked Kelly Clarkson the Piplup.

“Exactly! We could do so much better, I know,” I said understandingly.

“No, Angelina Jolie, I meant why are we going to the Extremely Hard Dungeon Nobody Survives when we are only level 5? Won’t we die immediately?”

“It is called the Extremely Hard Dungeon Nobody Survives,” Tom Cruise the Charmander pointed out. “Won’t we die too?”

“FORGET THE FACT THAT WE’LL DIE,” I insisted angrily. “This is so annoying. Why are we rescuing some dude who’s too lazy to rescue himself, anyway? We are descendants of the PokéGods, and we should be travelling through The Gauntlet of Infinite Despair right now! We are powerful and amazing and I’m beautiful and we all have super amazing superpowers! Our talents are wasted on this annoying lump of space!”

Kelly Clarkson the Piplup looked at me as if I’d grown a third head – which I didn’t, because then I’d be ugly. Kelly Clarkson the Piplup said, “Angelina Jolie! We’re only Level 5. The Gauntlet of Infinite Despair is excruciatingly difficult for Level 99’s to master! And also, we’re helping this Spoink because it’s the right thing to do. Now let’s go!”

Tom Cruise the Charmander was about to say something, but my amazing beauty silenced him.

I didn’t feel like arguing with these poo-poo heads, so I followed Kelly Clarkson the Piplup out the Tangrove Guild exit, Tom Cruise the Charmander trailing behind me.

“It’ll most definitely be a trek,” said Kelly Clarkson the Piplup. “40 days to reach the Extremely Hard Dungeon Nobody Survives. But it’ll be worth it, don’t you think?”

I snorted. “No. There’s no toilets on the road.”

“There aren’t any toilets,” Tom Cruise the Charmander corrected.

“Shut your pie hole,” I growled amazingly.

Tom Cruise the Charmander obeyed my commands.

Kelly Clarkson the Piplup continued, “And once we get there, we’ll most certainly be defeated by other Pokémon. Rumor has it that a giant Rampardos lives there that snacks on babies and Salamences. Also, there are 312 floors filled with toxic smoke.”

“SHUT UP, KELLY CLARKSON THE PIPLUP. NOBODY CARES,” I said loudly.

Kelly Clarkson the Piplup glared at me. “I’m educating you,” she said. “That isn’t a bad thing.”

“SHUT UP, KELLY CLARKSON THE PIPLUP. NOBODY CARES,” I said loudly.

We started walking through giant sand dunes the size of airplanes, with nothing but more sand marching out towards the horizon.

Kelly Clarkson the Piplup glared at me. “You’re very annoying, Angelina Jolie.”

“SHUT UP, KELLY CLARKSON THE PIPLUP. NOBODY CARES,” I said loudly.

Tom Cruise the Charmander said nothing, still in awe because of my amazing beauty.

“Well, it seems I’ll have to endure 40 days of this nonsense,” said Kelly Clarkson the Piplup. “I just hope that you get tired of being so witchy!”

“SHUT UP, KELLY CLARKSON THE PIPLUP. NOBODY CARES,” I said loudly.

“Will you stop that!” said Tom Cruise the Charmander.

“SHUT UP, TOM CRUISE THE CHARMANDER. NOBODY CARES,” I said loudly.

After 12 days of this, Tom Cruise the Charmander and Kelly Clarkson the Piplup took the hint and stopped talking. But after 18 days in awkward silence and lots of Zubats in the Cave of Suckishness (and leveling up 14 times), Kelly Clarkson the Piplup began to lecture me again.

“Did you know, Angelina Jolie, that the Gauntlet of Infinite Despair is 519 floors, all filled with traps of Level 94 Skarmories? There’s also a 1 in 2 chance that you will die over 500 times, and Reviver Seeds aren’t allowed.”

“Then how do you keep going?” inquired Tom Cruise the Charmander, nearly tripping over a rock because of my amazing beauty.

“You – I don’t know, actually. I suppose you just keep trying.”

“And all forty-five PokéGods, they made it past the Gauntlet of Infinite Despair?” I asked curiously. “How does that work, unless they’re on steroids?”

“Angelina Jolie, there are forty-two PokéGods that made it past the Gauntlet of Infinite Despair ten times. The other three are the Elder PokéGods, who constructed the labyrinth and went through it upwards of fifty times and passed with flying colors,” said Kelly Clarkson the Piplup.

“I feel stupid for not knowing this,” said Tom Cruise the Charmander.

“You should, you are stupid,” I told Tom Cruise the Charmander nicely.

Kelly Clarkson the Piplup glared at me. “It’s not very well-known information,” she went on. “A lot of it is kept in the Archive That Nobody’s Allowed in Except for PokéGods and A Few Curious People Who like Reading for Some Reason.”

“That’s a good name for an archive,” I said wisely. “Nobody will want to visit it except for people like you that are losers and enjoy reading crap that no one cares for.”

“This ‘crap that no one cares for’ will save your life eventually,” said Kelly Clarkson the Piplup. ”Arrogance is the leading cause of death in Pokémon, I’ll have you know.”

“I thought that was poisoned mushroom soup,” said Tom Cruise the Charmander.

“That’s second,” said Kelly Clarkson the Piplup.

We had arrived at a giant forest, guarded by Patrats. The Patrats were all in heavy golden armor, brandishing polished spears tipped in poison. One Patrat had muscles the size of hubcaps, and was grinning wickedly at us.

“Hullo,” said Tom Cruise the Charmander.

“GO DIE,” said the head Patrat.

“What?” asked Kelly Clarkson the Piplup. “That’s not very nice.”

“Neither is your mom or your face, but that’s the rules, stupidhead,” the Patrat snarled. “Nobody under Level 48,000 allowed.”

“48,000?” I scoffed rudely. “That’s not possible!”

“It is. Ask your mommy,” said the Patrat. “Either way, you’re not allowed past here.”

“Say, you’re not an Ice type, are you?” I said suspiciously.

“NO. NOW GO DIE, YOU LOSER. GO EAT A SQUIRREL.”

“I thought you guys were squirrels,” said Tom Cruise the Charmander.

“WE’RE CHIPMUNKS. NOW LEAVE,” said the Patrat, growing increasingly annoyed.

“Oh no,” I said confusedly. “What will we do?”

TO BE CONTINUED