PDA

View Full Version : Pokemon Power



Zero Kiryu
29th March 2012, 12:57 AM
This is my second Fan Fiction, the first one sucked....

So here is my second go at it


The battle field was quiet. Bodies lay eveywhere, dried blood near their lifeless forms, humans and pokemon alike. A charizard walked down the the field, body splattered with blood and limping. He strolled, absent-mindedly kicking a few bodies here and there. Then he stopped, as if he was convinced, and declared with a deafening roar,


"WE WON!"


The pokemon army roared back in triumph, their voices echoing around the mountains surrounding them.


In the future, there is a savage war going on between Humans and pokemon. If the war is not stopped, the world will be destroyed.


It started in the year 2895, a time when pokemon were mistreated and used as slaves,and when a researcher in Hoenn created a bacterium which he thought would accelerate the growth of pokemon; an advanced form of PokeRus. He thought that with his new invention, he would become rich and famous. He believed that trainers would line up and buy samples of the virus for their pokemon. He thought that the virus was completely safe.


He was wrong.


The researcher tested some on certain pokemon, but he failed to realize that along with physical development the virus also accelerated mental growth. Pokemon became smarter. Unfortuneatly, many pokemon began to see their position in the world. They began to see themselves as pets or tools used to accomplish things which humans couldn’t, made to battle each other for their trainer’s entertainment. The researcher’s pokemon attacked him and his colleagues and escaped.


Unfortunately, the virus spread fast, faster than PokeRus. Soon many pokemon were infected. Another unseen side-effect was that they became stronger, much stronger than the had been. Ordinary pokeballs failed to hold them and the badge clause was broken. They all attacked their trainers and any other humans whom they saw or met. These attacks were small scale and since the researcher’s experiments were secret, the Hoenn government paid no attention to them. The attacks were passed off as mishandling of pokemon.



Oblivious to everyone, the pokemon were forming a secret society: The Resistance; aimed at eliminating humans and creating a world where pokemon could live freely. Most of the pokemon willingly joined the society but some were forced to.


In the beginning of 2896, the Resistance launched an attack from their base in Mt. Pyre. Not all pokemon were part of the revolt. Some were against it, but those that resisted were punished by the leaders who still thought that humans were evil. They took over Lilycove city. The attack was so sudden that people failed to realise what was going on. They took control of resources and readied themselves to attack the other cities. Most of the people were killed but a few escaped and managed to warn then others. By this time the number of pokemon affected by the virus had become about five-hundred thousand and as they moved on, the virus spread and their numbers increased. The Resistance moved quickly, mercilessly killing every human who stood before them. The Hoenn government, realizing how big the threat was, ordered an immediate evacuation. The people were taken to Johto and Kanto which were nearest. A part of the army stayed back hoping to intercept and defeat the resistance. But they were not prepared. The soldiers had no experience, as the last war took place over a milennia ago. They were easily defeated.


Meanwhile, in Kanto and Johto, a massive operation was taking place to kill all the pokemon. The people tried to protect them but Grizlo Mortenza, head of the government, was well known for his cruelty. All the pokemon were killed, and anyone who tried to intervene was kill also, during the month that came to be known as Bloody March.


The Resistance took over Sinnoh, Orre and Fiore in the year. A few of the people living there had been transported to Kanto and Johto but the majority perished. The humans sent peace treaties to negotiate with the pokemon but they were all rejected. And so the war began.



The war carried on for a long time. Unexpectedly, the virus evolved and became stronger over time. So, as the human technology got more advanced, pokemon grew stronger to match it.



The humans, eventually, created bombs so powerful that they could blow up an entire region. But these were not used because it was calculated that it would cause irreparable damage to the environment.


As the war went on society changed. Children were sent to schools when they were five years old to learn basic education, namely that pokemon were evil and had to be destroyed, until they were sixteen. Then the students were classified into groups. The smartest were sent to join the government training centers, and the fittest were sent to join the army. The rest were allowed to stay and took up other various jobs.

The war raged on for another century and our story begins in the year 3005 in the city of Saffron in Kanto…

Shadow Lucario
29th March 2012, 1:29 PM
This is a prologue I presume. It's way too short for a chapter. Just so you know, you only need to hit enter twice when starting a new paragraph. It looks as if you hit enter three times.

There were no spelling errors that I saw, but a few grammar errors.


a few escaped and managed to warn then others.

Then should be the.


The rest were allowed to stay and took up other various other jobs.

Wasn't needed.


'WE WON!'

Instead of using apostrophes you should use quotations. They indicate speech while apostrophes indicate ownership or a contraction.

I really couldn't see anything. The description was mediocre. It started off as a prologue with the Charizard, but then it turned into an explanation. You need to show us instead of telling us. Also, you never described Charizard. Most people will know what a Charizard is, but you need to write as if they've never seen a Pokemon in their life. Is there something different about this Charizard? Is part of his wing missing? Is he shiny?


In the future, there is a war going on between Humans and pokemon.

That's just lazy writing and won't cut it. You could write so much more with this sentence than you have. "War ravaged the Pokemon world. It wasn't humans senselessly killing each other. The Pokemon had launched a full scale assault on the humans, completely destroying their defenses." It's not great, but you could have done something like that. I'll check back in once you have your first chapter.

Zero Kiryu
29th March 2012, 3:49 PM
This is a prologue I presume. It's way too short for a chapter. Just so you know, you only need to hit enter twice when starting a new paragraph. It looks as if you hit enter three times.

There were no spelling errors that I saw, but a few grammar errors.



Then should be the.



Wasn't needed.



Instead of using apostrophes you should use quotations. They indicate speech while apostrophes indicate ownership or a contraction.

I really couldn't see anything. The description was mediocre. It started off as a prologue with the Charizard, but then it turned into an explanation. You need to show us instead of telling us. Also, you never described Charizard. Most people will know what a Charizard is, but you need to write as if they've never seen a Pokemon in their life. Is there something different about this Charizard? Is part of his wing missing? Is he shiny?



That's just lazy writing and won't cut it. You could write so much more with this sentence than you have. "War ravaged the Pokemon world. It wasn't humans senselessly killing each other. The Pokemon had launched a full scale assault on the humans, completely destroying their defenses." It's not great, but you could have done something like that. I'll check back in once you have your first chapter.


Thanks that really helped.

Shadow Lucario
29th March 2012, 4:13 PM
Thanks that really helped.

If you're in need of any help then feel free to PM me. I can't really judge the fic based on a prologue so I'll just have to wait until the first chapter comes out.

Zero Kiryu
29th March 2012, 11:11 PM
It will come out monday :P

Zero Kiryu
4th April 2012, 3:36 AM
Chapter 1: Escape


Bedroom, Draven Residence. 200th floor, Platinum Plaza, 1:30



The city was quiet. Unnatural shadows of the skyscrapers fell onto the street far below, a few cars flying through the city. Only one building, one floor was illuminated. The building itself was comparatively larger then the rest, sleeked with slivery metal and glass glistening in the moonlight You could tell by looking at it that rich people lived there. The light in a windoow of the building flickered on and off, but the people slept on, unaware...


Ron hurriedly stuffed his clothes into his Fuld’s sphere, pausing once in a while to make sure his parents were asleep. He took out his shoes from his cupboard, held it in front of the mechanical eye of the sphere and waited as it was converted into data and stored in the 45000000 GB hard drive. He paused for a moment and admired it. It was a perfect sphere, as big as a base ball with an LCD touch screen at the center. It could be shrunken down to the size of a grape when one pressed a little button at the side. Pokeballs disappeared a hundred years ago, but a scientist named Jonathan Fuld took the concept of the pokeball and created this small wonder.


Ron sighed. Technology was an amazing thing. It was too bad that it was being used for the wrong reasons. He shook his head and returned to earth. He had to concentrate on what he was doing, running away. For the next day, he was being sent to join the army.


Ron was sixteen, the age of manhood. His father was the war minister. So even though Ron wasn’t good at sports or any other thing involving physical activity, he was being made to join the army. He was taught to believe that pokemon were evil but he didn’t. He had heard the old stories about pokemon and people living in harmony. He had often asked his parents about legendary pokemon, trainers and breeders but they refused to tell him. He was a bookish and his frequent visits to the library helped him to uncover what had happened 1000 years ago. Yes there were many books written by pro-pokemon groups. They uncovered the history of pokemon and recorded their findings even though the government declared it illiegal. Soon all the copies were deleted from the original folders in the library and stored in a special file which no one was allowed to access; but Ron knew his way around the codes very well. People called them crazy but Ron didn't. He read about many pokemon legends, stories of pokemon and their trainers, but one interested him the most…


He heard something behind him, something like grunting. He turned around to see the metal wall dividing his and his parent’s room. He frowned. Taking the Fuld’s sphere in his hand, he hastily began scrolling through the contents in it. When he had found what he wanted, he pointed the tip of the sphere towards his table. There was a flash of light and a pair of OptiXray sunglasses appeared on his table, one of the latest inventions of Silph Co. At the lowest range they could see through clothes and at the highest, through metals. He had received them as a gift on his 13th birthday. He had used them on many occasions but mainly on attractive females. He put them on and adjusted them to a high frequency. Then he turned to the wall again. He could see the figure of his father curled up in bed mouth wide open. Then grunting sound came again, softer than before. Ron’s body relaxed. His father was still sleeping. He put the OptiXray back into the Fuld’s sphere and looked around his room.


It was quite large by the normal standards. He was the son of one of the most important people in the government, after all. He glanced at his possessions, his hover bed, his table, the virtual screen built into the wall and his bathroom. All the remaining items were inside the Fuld’s sphere. He looked at his clothes; a fully black Gravi branded anti-tear shirt covered with a rayon cloak since it was November and a skintight pair of pants. His pale hand ran through his Flaming-red hair.


Well, he thought, I’d better go. No reason for me to stick around any longer.


But he didn’t move. Running away was harder than it looked on T.V.


After what seemed like hours, he realized that he had to get going. He went to his door and punched in a code onto the keypad next to it. He stepped out as the door opened and quietly moved through the corridor and, with all the delicacy and grace of a drunken man, knocked down a vase. Futuristic material had prevented the vase from breaking, but that didn’t stop it from making a hell of a noise.


CLANG CLANG CLANG, went the vase and instantly a loud and deep sound pierced the darkness.


‘RON? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW YOU IDIOT?’


‘Shit…’Ron muttered. He ran down the corridor, past the living room and towards the main door. He could hear his father’s footsteps behind him. He typed in the code and stepped out into the hallway.


‘RON!’


He looked around for a quick exit. He scanned the long hallway, glanced at the synthetic, 28th century, and beautifully designed carpet, the hydro-lifts in the middle, and at the end of the hallway… a window. An idea popped into his head, an idiotic one. Hovwever, idiocy would have to be risked, for now. He decided that he had no choice but to his extreme dissatisfaction, his house was at the other end of the corridor. He ran, adrenalin pumping into his brain, past the numerous doors, opened the window and ran back. He took out the Fuld’s sphere and materialized a hover-bike. He got on it and hesitated for a second which gave enough time for his father to poke his bald head and toothbrush moustache out of the door.


‘What do you think you’re…?’


It was then that Ron’s adrenaline filled brain went into overdrive. Using all his strength, he stamped his foot on the accelerator and whether because of sheer luck or prodigious skill, he flew straight through the window.


‘RONALD!’ cried his father as Ron tried to straighten his hover-bike while zooming away from the apartment at an incredible speed. He slowed down and flew on past buildings with no idea to where he was going. He looked around and glanced at the gigantic Silph Co. at the heart of the city which cast shadows on all the smaller buildings close to it. Slowly, his brain began to work again and he thought about what had just happened.


He had performed the worst runaway in the history of runaways. He had woken up his father, a government official, who would have the police on his trail faster than the speed of light and he was out in the city at midnight with no clue as to where to go. He looked around at the few cars flying further away. Since he was just a kid on a hover-bike in the middle of the night he would arouse suspicion. He sighed and decided to head down to G-level.


Since the buildings were so tall in Saffron and other major cities, the whole city was divided into altitude levels: Ground level, Ruby level, Sapphire level, Emerald level, Pearl level, Diamond level and at the top with a height of 5000 meters, Azure level. Only a few of the most important buildings, like Silph Co. reached Azure level. The names were shortened to G-level, R-level, etcetera.


Ron pressed a button near the handlebars and a holographic screen popped up. It told him that he was in P-level, about 2500 meters above sea level. It would take him a while to get down to G-level. He flew next to a nearby building and descended parallel to its height with his chest pressed on the handlebars hoping that nobody would notice him. Now he needed a plan


His brain started criticizing him, you run away in the middle of the night while waking up the entire building you lived in, and you don't have a plan?


A smaller, squeekier part of his brain countered, Well he couldn't have possibly forseen what had happened now.


The argument in Ron's brain didn't last for long and soon subsided, only to be replaced by a growing worry.


He wondered what he would do in G-level. The place was very filthy and littered with beggars or people who had lost their families in the war and couldn’t afford to purchase a higher flat. There were many empty houses and Ron thought that he could stay in one of them for the night and decide what he was going to do the next day. But the thought had barely crossed his mind when he heard a magnified voice.


Ronald Draven. Stop the hover-bike and turn around.’


Ron turned around in panic. He saw five or six men in navy-blue uniforms and jetpacks. The police. He couldn’t believe that his father had called them so fast. He didn’t care about subtlety anymore. It was time to get the heck out of there. He jammed his foot on the accelerator again and flew with a burst of speed to the ground below. The sudden change in acceleration almost knocked him out of his seat. He steadied himself and tightly gripped the handle bars with his hair flying and his cloak flapping behind him. The ground was getting closer by the second.


‘Wait for it,’ he thought to himself.


He could hear the whooshing sounds of the jetpacks behind him. He checked the altitude meter. He was in S-level now, 500 meters and descending rapidly. He heard a high pitched ‘fheew’ sound and saw a beam of light narrowly missing him and proceeding to darken the surface of the ground below.


Ron yelled and almost lost control of his bike but straightened it just in time.


‘Great,’ he thought frantically, ‘now they’re shooting at me.’


He heard someone shouting behind him. ‘Don’t shoot you idiot. We’re not here to kill the boy.’


Ron checked the altitude meter again. 210 meters. 205 meters. 200 meters. He had entered G-level.


‘Almost there…’


He felt something his back. He turned around and saw one of the officers had gotten close to him and was trying to catch hold of him. Ron’s heart went up to his throat. He was a 100 meters from ground now.


‘Just a little more…’


He could feel the officer’s hand scraping his back. He raised his leg and aimed a kick at the officer but the officer caught it. Panicking, he started thrashing his leg about. The officer let go of the leg but caught his cloak instead.


‘You won’t get away that easily, kid.’


20 meters. 15 meters. 10 meters.


‘Now…’


Ron took of his cloak and straightened the hover-bike mere seconds before crashing. The officer who was holding his cloak smashed into the ground but the others were still behind him. He was flying parallel to the ground now, past the huge bases of the buildings. A smell like garbage filled the air and the whole street was a mess. Litter was strewn about everywhere. The lampposts and the buildings were covered with rust. Ron saw an open metallic door outside one of the buildings. He turned his hover-bike towards it and flew towards it.


One of the police shot again at the hover-bike. It missed but it startled Ron who lost control of the bike for a second and crashed into one of the corners of the door. The bike flew, into the building spinning wildly and throwing Ron off it. He fell hard onto the floor as the bike crashed into a corner of the room. He sat dazed for a second and then got up and observed the dark room.


It had a low ceiling and had four pillars in each of the four corners with a staircase in the center. His hover-bike was near one of the pillars apparently undamaged. He ran over to it, took out his Fuld’s sphere and returned the bike into it. He heard the whooshing sound of the jetpacks and ran towards the staircase. As he climbed up he heard a deep voice


‘Don’t run kid. We won’t hurt you; just take you back to your father.’


He reached the top of the staircase and entered a small floor with three door ways and a hydro-lift. He went to the lift but there was an ‘Out Of Order’ sign on it. The sounds of the police climbing the staircase could be heard as Ron started trying all the doors. They were all locked with codes. It was then that he became aware of a wet sensation at the back of his head. He ran his hand through his hair, looked at it and gasped. Blood. He became dizzy, maybe it was because of the sight of the blood or maybe it wasn’t. Then, Ron couldn’t tell whether it was a hallucination or not, a door appeared in front of him. Purely out of instinct, he jammed his hand on the button next to it. The door opened and he ran inside. As the door closed behind him, the pain in his head got to him. He gasped and fell down. The muffled voices of the police could be heard through the door. He lay slumped on the floor until…


‘This is rather an unpleasant intrusion.’


Ron looked up and saw a middle aged man, probably in his early forties, sitting on a chair in the centre of the room. He was wearing plain white pants and a shirt with a high collar that made him look younger. The room was really small, or at least small to Ron who had lived his life in large, magnificent rooms. There was a small V-tv in one of the walls and a few sofas around it, one of which the man was sitting on. The kitchen was in the same room with an old Omni-cooler, a worn out heater and a metallic dining table which hover-chairs around it. Behind the kitchen was a hallway that probably led to other rooms.


Ron groaned and stood up. He shook his head and walked towards the man.


‘Look, I’m sorry but…’


BOOM


The explosion knocked Ron of his feet. The police had apparently decided that blowing the door would be more appropriate to opening it manually. Three officers came through the doorway, still wearing backpacks, with Silph. X209 Blasters in their hands. The fourth officer was probably tending to the fifth who had crashed.


Ron got to his feet, stumbled, straightened himself and walked slowly towards the man, who had now gotten up.


‘Dismiss my earlier statement,’ he whispered in Ron’s ear. ‘This is a real intrusion.’


One of the officers stepped forward with a blaster in his hand and smug look on his face. ‘Alright kid. You’ve led us in a magnificent chase so far but you should have known you had no chance. Now come quietly and no one will get hurt.’


Ron whispered to the man. ‘Is there any other way out?’


‘Back entrance.’ the man replied.


The officer’s expression changed into irritation. ‘You planning to escape? If you try anything I’ll shoot.’ He turned the gun towards the man. ‘And if you try to help him, you both are screwed.’


Ron was moving backwards towards the miniature kitchen where the utensils were kept. He hurriedly whispered, ‘When I say now, run towards the back entrance.’


‘But he’ll shoot.’ the man replied in the same tone.


‘He won’t.’


The officer stepped forward. ‘You listening to me, kid? Come here now.’ When Ron still didn’t step forward, he grunted, ‘Hopeless. I have to get him myself.’


He started walking forward just when Ron’s hand closed around a steel glass. He picked it up and threw it with all his might. It ricocheted of the officer’s head with a dull clunk as Ron shouted, ‘NOW!’


Both Ron and the man ran past the kitchen and into the hallway as the two other officers leaped over their motionless comrade and pursued them.


‘This way.’ the man cried and ran into a smaller hallway with another door at the end of it.


‘The door?’ cried Ron running wildly ahead of the man


‘It’s open.’


Ron reached the door first and pressed the button to open it. They both rushed out of the door but the man stayed back, closed the door and entered a key code to lock it. The hallway outside was similar to the first one with three more doors, a hydro-lift and a staircase. They both headed down the staircase and when they reach the ground Ron stopped to catch his breath.


‘What do we do now?’ he asked the man while panting heavily.


‘I don’t know. You tell me.’ he replied, panting but still surprisingly calm.


A loud sound, like an explosion, came from somewhere above them. ‘They’ve blown the door.’ Ron said. He took out his Fuld’s sphere, fiddled with it, and materialized his hover-bike. He sat on it and beckoned the man to sit with him. The man sat behind him and gripped his back tightly.


‘Hang on.’ Ron said as the hover-bike levitated and flew through an open window at the same time that a voice yelled ‘HEY! COME BACK HERE!’


The familiar stench filled Ron’s nostrils as he flew away from the building. He heard high pitched sounds again and realized that the other two officers were shooting at him. He swerved around to dodge them. His head started pounding and he found it hard to concentrate.


‘Are you okay, son?’ asked the man. Ron didn’t have time to reply. One of the laser beams hit the motor of the bike. Ron shouted in pain as the searing heat of the burst engine burnt his leg. Teh pain shot through him, his nerve endings were frying. He tried to control the bike but to no avail. The pounding in his head became greater. He was losing consciousness.


‘Son…’


Ron slumped onto the handle bars unable to bear the pain. A strong arm grabbed his body and lifted him out of the bike. He opened his eyes and saw blearily as the hover-bike fell down, smoke rising from it. A bead of blood dripped from his hair and fell after the bike. He became dimly aware that he was flying. The pain in his head and legs was awesome.


‘Don’t worry.’ said a voice but Ron didn’t know who's it was or to whom it was talking to. The last thing he remembered before he passed out was the pain in his head and his leg and the wind whipping in his face.