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Elyon
3rd April 2012, 8:40 AM
Okay,I posted this in another forum,only one person commented it on there,so please comment on this!I think this should be G.
Okay,this is a new fanfic.I hope my skills are better...
Prologue: The Legend
The Origin of the Region: Koenohva's Tale
221 years ago, in 1791, A company named Strikestars began, created by the most Intelligent beings in the Pokemon world that time. People began to buy every single Pokemon merchandise from there, and soon the company began to be in all 5 regions: Kanto, Jotho, Hoen, Sinnoh and Unova. The owner,Govan, got greedy by this and decided to put even Pokemon sale. The heart of the land became greedy, until two step-siblings saw the light. These children were named Gazpar and Liza and were distantly French. Soon they learned of an unforgivable plot to get 3 legendary Pokemon, Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos. Bravely they faced of Govan and won, but the Pokemon became so enraged that they were ready to destroy every single region.
To solve this, Gazpar and Liza used up all of their energy to make a force field and calm the Birds down,which made duplicates of the Regions and combined them to make Koenohva. This was placed in a separate world,and later some people came to in habitat the original regions. In protecting everyone's lives except those of Strikestars,Gazpar and Liza had used up all of their lives.The last words heard were "In around 200 years our children will stop this.The field will have been weakened by then. "
200 years have come and gone,and experts have a hard time interpreting these words of the two heroes,so brave,so kind,so strong.
Gozie was fascinated at the article. She was going to ask the librarian where she saw this. She grabbed her towel and wiped her tears. She hardly noticed one of them fell on her pictures.

Shadow Lucario
3rd April 2012, 9:34 AM
Did you type this in the new thread box? You are supposed to space after every period, comma, semicolon, colon, and just about any type of punctuation. After every paragraph you're supposed to hit enter twice.


by the most Intelligent beings in the Pokemon World

Neither of these words should be capitalized.

This entire thing is a jumbled up mess. There are many misspellings and grammar errors. I suggest you go to the Advice for Aspiring Authors thread and check out some fan fictions around here to see what is expected out of a fic. I'd also suggest that you rewrite this and try again some other time, but this time in a word processing program like Word. Following the format is also very important so that it doesn't hurt the eyes. Right now it just looks like a block of words that I don't want to take the time to read. You have an interesting concept, but it's ruined by poor formatting and grammar. Until next time.

Elyon
4th April 2012, 3:00 AM
...Okay,didn't know.It wasn't like that on Marriland.Also,that book was written like 19 something,so that's why it's spelled wrong.Someone on another forum rated it 8/10 tough.