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Aurea
13th April 2012, 6:08 PM
Society



Chapter List:
Chapter 1: Alex Gardener
Chapter 2: Unhappy thoughts
Chapter 3:???

Sid87
doctorwho2010

Notes

This is a fictional story, but based off events that do happen in real life, I hope that all of you who read it will understand how and why stories like this happen due to society, bullying and misunderstandings. Although this Fan-fiction is rated PG-13, there are mature themes in it, overall it also could be quite upsetting, but there will be no major swearing, gore, or violence. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the story.


Prologue:

Society. That’s it. Just one single word. But that small word defines everyone and anything in it. You follow society, people are scared not to. People are scared to be different. They don’t want to be… an outsider. But what happens if you do? What happens if you break free of societies grasp? Let us say you are different, you do what you want. Let us say you wear different clothes, watch children’s TV programs, or speak out… or play a video game that is aimed at small children, Pokemon? So what does happen if you go against society? Do you get rewarded? Do people look up to with admiration? Or are you ignored? Talked about? Shunned? Maybe… beaten? Do you want to know what drives society? Lack of understanding. And when humans do not understand, we are fearful, and fear turns into hate. Hate for people who just do what they like, hate for people’s personal opinions, hate for people who are free when they themselves are stuck in society. We are free.

…………………………………………………………………..

Chapter 1: Alex Gardener

“Alex! Alex, are listening to me? Come out of your room! I told you five minutes ago, tea is ready! What are you doing up there?! Oh, you’re not playing that silly Pokeman-mon-thing game again, are you? You know it’s for small children! NOT sixteen year old boys! I’ve spoken to your father about this, and he agrees, we both feel that you need to stop playing computer games and……”

Stop. Stop it. STOP TALKING! I flinched at my mother’s words, I hated it when she mentioned that I played Pokemon, it made my gut twist up into knots and my face flush. I was curled up on a worn, brown leather bean-bag, DS clutched to my chest, eyes squeezed shut. My fists bunched up as I strained to ignore the taunting and nagging, I wouldn’t go down stairs, I wouldn’t give my mum the satisfaction, so instead I stayed where I was; in the warm, private comforts of my room. After a while the nagging stopped, my mother had ran out of words, I was safe again.

I stood up and stretched, my back muscles were twisted and knotted from having been hunched over for so long. I shook out my legs and wondered over to the bedroom mirror, on the way I placed my black DS softly onto the bedside table, faint tinkling music still coming from the speakers, battle music, I smiled; just thinking about Pokemon always made me break out into a grin. I stood in front of the small mirror and gazed at my reflection; a slightly worried Alex Gardener stared back at me. I was tall for my age, reaching just over six foot, my shoulders were broad, heavy set jaw and a rather attractive face when it was not hiding behind a mop of dark brown hair. My pale green eyes were almond shaped, and held a look of deep worry, as if I was always scared about what people thought about me. That was true enough. I sighed, and gently placed my forehead against the cool glass of the mirror; I hated how I looked.

It was not because I thought I was unattractive, it was because I was attractive that made me hate myself. Where ever I went I saw girls looking at me, I saw then eyeing me up, I saw them whispering to each other, I saw sly smiles and approving raised eyebrows. Everyday people, walking along the street, would cross the road to get away from me, or give me icy glares. When I walked into a shop, the shop keeper would follow me around the isles, just to make sure I did not steal something, and after a minute or two of just wandering around and looking at the goods; I would be told to buy something or leave. I was judged on my looks, my tall height made people scared or nervous around me, they made me feel like a thug, my heavy set jaw and attractive face meant that girls treated me as an item, rather than an actual person. I was not any of these things, yet I had to act like people expected me to, I did go around responding to the smiles and whispers from the girls by winking or smiling back. I did walk around the streets, with my mates and jeered at people walking by. I did all these things because I felt if I didn’t, people would turn on me and push me out of society. I didn’t want to be different.

After a minute or two of just leaning against the mirror, I sighed again and decided just to go to bed; I had nothing else to do. I changed into a pair of long, cotton trousers and lay on my bed, I could hear the soft murmuring of the TV downstairs, dad was probably watching the news, or some kind of soap. I turned around to look at the digital clock on the bedside table;

21:37

I yawned, it wasn’t late but I was tired, and I had school the next day. School, that’s going to be fun, another day of pretending to be a bad-*** chav with a load of swag, hanging out with my mates, talking about things I wasn’t interested in, like CoD or who we were going to beat up the next day. But there would be at least one good thing; I would get to see my girl, Nadine. A soft grin played across my lips as I thought about her, my heart swelled up to twice it’s size. Nadine was not the most attractive girl at school, or the most popular, but she had a feeling about her that pulled me towards her like a magnet.

Remember Alex, you’re meeting Nadine at one thirty in the library, and remember to take her birthday present with you!

I went over the mental note again, just to make sure I would remember it in the morning. After making sure the note was permanently stuck in my head, I reached over to my bedside table and grabbed my DS, flipped open the lid and grinned.

My Gardevoir was doing well, level ninety five and currently taking down a level five Togepi in the White Forest, Gardevoir was EV trained and flawless, she was my prized Pokemon. Just about to attack the Togepi with Psychic, I stopped; a Togekiss would make a great addition to my team, and I needed a flying type anyway. Using a Quick Ball, three seconds later the Togepi was mine, my heart started beating faster; I always felt a thrill when I caught a new Pokemon. Armed with an Exp. Share and the new Togepi on my team, I headed over to the league for some serious training, I wouldn’t EV train until Togepi reached level fifty, I don’t know why I wouldn’t EV train them when I first got them, I just didn’t. Forty or so minutes later, Togetic was level fifty seven and already slightly EV trained.

“Alex? Are you okay?” My mum’s voice drifted through the closed door, sounding slightly muffled, but by the tone of her voice I could tell she was annoyed. “I wasn’t pleased how you acted earlier, and I know you’re going through a difficult time; growing up is very hard.”

Thank God there was no one around to hear that! Thanks mum, just thanks!

“But you have to realise that I’m your mother, and I know best for you, and playing all of these children’s computer games really just isn’t normal.”

My breath stopped. My face flushed again; with embarrassment and anger. I mentally urged her to keep her voice down, even though there was no point; dad already knew and there was no one else in the house. My mind froze at her words, I felt ashamed, and if I hadn’t of known better, I swore I saw the dark shape of a small animal of some sort out of the corner of my eye.

“Anyway, I’m going to bed now, goodnight. Your father and I love you very much.”

‘I love you’? Did she really mean it? After saying I was abnormal? I didn’t know, I was confused and hurt, all I wanted was to go to sleep. I shivered slightly, even though the room was warm, pulled my duvet closer around me, reached out to turn off the light. Just before the light emptied from the room, again, I swore I saw some sort of animal out of the corner of my eye; it seemed to be the size of a small dog, and had huge, bright blue eyes. But I thought no more of it, went to sleep, and in the morning; I had completely forgotten about it.

PhantomDragon
13th April 2012, 7:06 PM
One issue I have is that you have a tendency to make your sentences run on quite a bit. For example...

My Gardevoir was doing well, level ninety five and currently taking down a level five Togepi in the White Forest, Gardevoir was EV trained and flawless, she was my prized Pokemon.
This would work better if you replaced the second or third comma with a full stop. The sentence overall would work better if it was broken up into a couple of sentences.
Also...

“I wasn’t please how you acted earlier
Should be "I wasn't pleased".
That's the only typo I found on a skim read. Love the fact that you're exploring how Pokémon is often viewed as a children's game. Really looking forward to seeing how you develop this idea!

Aurea
13th April 2012, 7:25 PM
One issue I have is that you have a tendency to make your sentences run on quite a bit. For example...

This would work better if you replaced the second or third comma with a full stop. The sentence overall would work better if it was broken up into a couple of sentences.
Also...

Should be "I wasn't pleased".
That's the only typo I found on a skim read. Love the fact that you're exploring how Pokémon is often viewed as a children's game. Really looking forward to seeing how you develop this idea!

Thank you! Yeah, I often run away with myself on sentences, will keep that in mind for future chapters. And thanks for that typo correction, I'll change it now.

That theme of 'Pokemon is a children's game' carries on throughout the whole story, as well as other things that are viewed as 'only acceptable for a specific audience'.

Sid87
13th April 2012, 7:34 PM
Okay, first of all, the sprite in your signature is hilarious. And kind of hypnotic.

Secondly, I, too, am curious as to where this goes from here. It's an interesting position seeing this character who sounds like a frat boy wanting to blend in a little better to his surroundings when the usual case (especially in stories like this) is that of a meeker individual who'd rather look like Alex. Also, it's interesting to see a male character who doesn't want to be viewed as a sex object. Which is not to say that we all DO want that, but it's less thought of that a male is even seen as such. And when they are, stereotypically, they're supposed to enjoy it (most of us do/would, anyway!).

If you are going to put together a PM list to let people know when you've updated, I think I'd like to be on it.

Aurea
13th April 2012, 7:52 PM
Okay, first of all, the sprite in your signature is hilarious. And kind of hypnotic.

Secondly, I, too, am curious as to where this goes from here. It's an interesting position seeing this character who sounds like a frat boy wanting to blend in a little better to his surroundings when the usual case (especially in stories like this) is that of a meeker individual who'd rather look like Alex. Also, it's interesting to see a male character who doesn't want to be viewed as a sex object. Which is not to say that we all DO want that, but it's less thought of that a male is even seen as such. And when they are, stereotypically, they're supposed to enjoy it (most of us do/would, anyway!).

If you are going to put together a PM list to let people know when you've updated, I think I'd like to be on it.

I don't know if I should take this as a compliment or what... but if it wasn't a compliment.... *sharpens knife*

Yes, as you said, most guys like being seen as a sex object, but not all. I'm trying to create a male character that is is different from the stereotypical teenage boy characters, because if the character is different from usual, he becomes unpredictable. And there was nothing to say he wasn't interested in sex, he already has a girlfriend, and I wanted Alex to seem faithful... (for good reason, as you will see in later chapters)

And I'll add a PM list, I hope you enjoy the story!

Aurea
16th April 2012, 10:35 PM
Chapter 2: Unhappy thoughts.

I was in a bad mood. My waking-up the next morning didn’t give me high hopes for the day; the curtains flew open, the sun filled the room with bright, painful light. “GHUURRR?” Was my first word of the day, as my brain tried to remember how to use the English language.

“Alex! Get up! Alex! You’re going to be late for school. Get up, Alex! You. Are. Going. To. Be. Late. For. School. ALEX!! Get up.” The sound of my mother’s screeching, nagging tone wasn’t the best thing to set me up for the morning, I mean, who likes to be woken up by a voice that sounds like a cross over of wailing cats and a parrot? After my eyes had stopped watering from the unwelcome light, I could see the vague shape of my mother leaning over me, her large nose barely inches away from my face.

“Wassatimesizet? Nimgettinup.” Was all I could manage with my brain half asleep, which earned me a disapproving look from the Hag. My mum wasn’t that old, early forties, but she already had grey streaks in her fuzzy blond hair, and deep lines and wrinkles on her face. Smoking and wearing two inches of make-up probably were a few causes to her early aging, or the fact that she was always stressed and a permanent frown was etched deep onto her forehead. Mum wasn’t the prettiest woman I knew, she had a large, hooked nose, watery-blue eyes, and over-sized earrings that stretched her ear-lobes so far, they almost touched her shoulders. She hardly ate, so she was stick thin and often ill, and she wore baggy clothes that seemed to drown her. My descriptions probably sound a bit harsh, but don’t worry; she insults me about my looks a lot more than I insult her.

“God! Just look at you hair! It’s too long and hangs in front of your eyes, makes you look like a kid with problems.” My stomach knotted up again. “And just look at you face! When was the last time you washed?!”

“Yesterday morning.” I said, my voice still slightly slurred, I rubbed my eyes and began stretching and standing up on unstable legs, I rolled my shoulders to try and get the stiffness out of them. Mother shot icy glares at my bare chest; she hated it when men didn’t wear tops.

“And put some decent clothes on! Would you like it if I waltzed around the house with no top on?” The words from the Hag nearly had me running for the bathroom to be sick, and I swear those mental images she put up in my head would scar me forever.

“Aghh! Mum! Don’t!” My cries of disgust seemed to prove mum’s point, see shot me a smug look. Of course; me being me meant that I couldn’t let her have the last say. “And technically lying in bed isn’t waltzing around the house, and no one’s in here to see me anyway.”

Oh, didn’t she give me the evils then! Her lips turned thin and white as she bit the insides of her cheeks, her eyes glaring daggers. “Don’t you answer back, young man. Unless you want to spend next week without your precious DS?” Those last lines were spoken in a mocking, childish tone, her eyes looking at me in an innocent, patronising way.

My hands balled into fists, a red flush entered my cheeks, my stomach knotted so tightly I thought I was going to be sick right then and there. My vision turned a hazy red and anger began pumping its way through my veins, I bit my lip so hard trying not to retaliate that I could taste warm, metallic blood beginning to pool in my mouth. By some miracle, I somehow managed to ignore her, and stormed over to my wardrobe. I pulled the handles so hard, I was surprized I didn’t snap them off and tear the door from its hinges. It swung open with a loud thud as it hit the wall, leaving a tiny chip in the paint, I knew later I would pay for that, but right at that moment I was too angry to care.

“I’ll be leaving you then.” Was the only thing my mother said as she left the room, she was clearly guilty about what she had said. I only had to look at her blushing face and clasped hands, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to give me decent apology, and I doubted if my pride would allow me to accept it.

After my mother had gone, I was left standing there, staring into my wardrobe but not really registering what I was looking at. Thoughts and picture of Pokemon bubbled to the boiling surface of my ashamed mind, random images and memories swirled around; one of me trading nearly every Pokemon I had for Gardevoir; one of me catching Togepi; one of me entering the Hall of Fame after the league; one of me hatching my male Zorua from an egg; one of me choosing my first starter from Professor Oak. So many. So many happy memories. So many happy memories of my Pokemon, yet I hate myself for loving them, should I love Pokemon? Or was I really just a kid with problems?

I was lost in my thoughts, and my hands gripped tighter and tighter on the cool, brass wardrobe handles. I could feel the metal digging deep grooves into my skin, my arms shaking from putting so much effort into squeezing the life out of an inanimate object. I finally released my grip, my vision returned to normal and I let out a deep sigh.

****ING HELL!!!

There!! Right there!! It was stood right there in the middle of my wardrobe!! I rubbed my eyes, but the-the-the…. thing before me was still standing there, giving me a sly grin.

“Well, Alex. Those were some pretty depressing thoughts you were having there, weren’t you? I spotted me in there somewhere, don’t you like Pokemon anymore? What? Oh Arceus, stop staring at me like that! C’mon! It’s not like you don’t know what a Zorua is, right?”

By the end of it’s little outburst, I was already halfway across the room. Crawling desperately on my back, I was practically ripping up the carpet trying to put as much distance between me and it as possible. “Wha’? You’re not? How is? Wha’?” Gibberish poured out of my mouth as my wide eyes never left it’s bright, blue ones.

I had to be hallucinating, I HAD to be! Logic cut through my jumbled up mind and reassured me that the Zorua wasn’t real; it was casting no shadow against the back of the wardrobe, and I could see through it slightly.

“HIM! You can see through HIM slightly!”

“S-s-sorry.” Him, not it. What?! Why was I bothered about what gender it was when I WAS GOING CRAZY?! The Zorua grinned, so it could read thoughts now? But that was impossible! Oh, why not? It might as well since it’s very existence here wasn’t possible either.

It, sorry he- I mean the Zorua stepped out of the wardrobe and began slowly pacing towards me, I couldn’t move as it slowly got closer and closer. He wasn’t that big, no bigger than a large cat, but his head size was so out of proportion with his body it was a wonder he could lift his head up. The Zorua’s coat was a dark, dusty grey and his fur was reasonably long, especially the slightly darker mane around his neck. Unlike the game, this Zorua had grey feet, but long red claws instead. His long tail swished to the side every time he took a step forward, and his ice-blue eyes got brighter and even more intense. The Zorua would have had a charming grin, if it wasn’t for the fact that his mouth was filled with needle like teeth.

I was scared out of my wits, I was shaking badly, and I let out a cry of panic as the Zorua placed one delicate paw on my shoulder as he reached up and looked me dead on in the eyes. “You know you said you were hallucinating?” That Cheshire Cat grin got even wider. “Well it’s absolutely true.” I blinked in shock and surprise; in that millisecond, the Zorua had vanished.

Sid87
16th April 2012, 11:03 PM
It was stood right there in the middle of my wardrobe!!

Might want to fix that. There were some other minor typos, but there are just that: typos. So I'm never overly concerned with them (nonsense like using too many periods in an ellipses or using a colon where you should have used a semi-colon or period).

I definitely didn't see that bit coming. The Zorua stuff, obviously. Not sure where that could be going, but it will be interesting to see. I guess this is what makes it a fan-fiction and not just a story of a kid who plays Pokemon. :)

The mother stuff was good, and it really makes me hate her. Very, very nice description in there and a lot of emotion from Alex' point-of-view. I mean, I kind of want to smack her just based on what was in the first few paragraphs there. Absolutely great dialogue from here, though:


Get up, Alex! You. Are. Going. To. Be. Late. For. School. ALEX!! Get up.


Just look at you hair! It’s too long and hangs in front of your eyes, makes you look like a kid with problems.

Both of those are really nice bits of dialogue. Really, really nice.

I'm curious as to whether or not she is as bad as Alex says, or if it's just a case of, you know, kids in their teens hate their parents. I'm hoping she just ends up being misguided or flawed, as parents that are flat-out evil (that doesn't seem like the correct word. Malicious, maybe) don't contribute a lot to a story. But I'm sure you've got that handled.


“GHUURRR?”

I go back-and-forth on whether I like those kinds of exclamation in prose writing. The part of my brain that loves comic books and is used to seeing those sorts of "words" in word balloons digs it, but another part of my brain thinks its better to just write something like "I groaned a mess of sound that formed no word familiar to the human ear". I think that's just a preference thing. :)

PhantomDragon
17th April 2012, 1:30 PM
That was one hell of a twist.
So he's going to start hallucinating that Pokémon are real now. *randomly imagines what would happen if he was walking around in town and saw a Dialga*
This fic just got even more interesting. Now he's got a real reason to doubt himself. 0_0

Aurea
17th April 2012, 6:25 PM
Might want to fix that. There were some other minor typos, but there are just that: typos. So I'm never overly concerned with them (nonsense like using too many periods in an ellipses or using a colon where you should have used a semi-colon or period).

I definitely didn't see that bit coming. The Zorua stuff, obviously. Not sure where that could be going, but it will be interesting to see. I guess this is what makes it a fan-fiction and not just a story of a kid who plays Pokemon. :)

The mother stuff was good, and it really makes me hate her. Very, very nice description in there and a lot of emotion from Alex' point-of-view. I mean, I kind of want to smack her just based on what was in the first few paragraphs there. Absolutely great dialogue from here, though:





Both of those are really nice bits of dialogue. Really, really nice.

I'm curious as to whether or not she is as bad as Alex says, or if it's just a case of, you know, kids in their teens hate their parents. I'm hoping she just ends up being misguided or flawed, as parents that are flat-out evil (that doesn't seem like the correct word. Malicious, maybe) don't contribute a lot to a story. But I'm sure you've got that handled.



I go back-and-forth on whether I like those kinds of exclamation in prose writing. The part of my brain that loves comic books and is used to seeing those sorts of "words" in word balloons digs it, but another part of my brain thinks its better to just write something like "I groaned a mess of sound that formed no word familiar to the human ear". I think that's just a preference thing. :)

Thank you!


1)The Zorua is a big part in the story, and it plays a major role. Also remember this is going on in Alex's head, so although it is impossible for a real Zorua to exist, all these events could happen to someone if they were having problems. And I actually got this idea from a friend who used to hallucinate talking animals (she is fine now).

2) The mum is meant to be a bit controlling, annoying and always unhappy with what she has, but she doesn't hate her son, and you'll see her loving side in the up-coming chapters. Also, as for her dialogue, thanks very much!


3) My personal preference is to put those kinds of things in speech, as I like to have quite a lot of dialogue when there is a large narrating part for Alex, otherwise I feel there is too much description and the paragraphs become too long when they are only meant to be short ones.

Anywho, thanks again for the review, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.



That was one hell of a twist.
So he's going to start hallucinating that Pokémon are real now. *randomly imagines what would happen if he was walking around in town and saw a Dialga*
This fic just got even more interesting. Now he's got a real reason to doubt himself. 0_0

Yes he is, and fortunately Dialga is not one of the characters in the story, but you have guessed something that's going to happen. (But not at town.) And there will be a lot of Alex doubting himself too. Thanks for the comment! :)