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Nightfall_
14th April 2012, 8:06 PM
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Fanfic, shows the events after the special episode In The Future Of Darkness (http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/In_the_Future_of_Darkness). Rated PG-13, Tragedy.


Prologue

“We’re… we’re alive!”

The sun was arching over the mountain that 4 pokémon stood on. It seemed to be sunrise, as the sun’s glory came upon the land, spreading beams of light wherever the light could reach. The clouds that were once stuck in space began to float past the sky, creating a sight that was ordinary, but extraordinary to those three pokémon. That was because seconds ago the world was in a standstill, or better known as the paralysis of the planet. When the planet is paralyzed, time is at a standstill. No winds blow… day never comes… seasons never pass… it would be no exaggeration to call it complete ruin of the world. It had been going on for years now, and these 4 pokémon helped stop it.

The first pokémon, who towered over them all, had steel covering its entire body. It’s metallic flesh shined with the sun’s rays. It was particurly at least twice the size of the second largest pokémon. It looked very regal of sorts, and all of it’s metal was a dark blue. No mistaking it, this was the legendary pokémon Dialga.

The second was quite odd. It had a single eye and a rip in its body on it’s stomach, that looked oddly like a mouth. It was brown and seemed to levitate. It was second-largest out of the group, pretty big for one pokémon. This seemed to be the pokémon Dusknoir.

The third was the smallest, and also the prettiest. She was pink, a bright pink, and her head looked a bit like an onion. Two antennae sprouted on her forehead, creating a bug-like appearance. She had no nose, but two cheerful little eyes and mouth. Her body was much smaller then her head, she had stubby little feet with small wings that resembled a pixies. This too was a legendary, known as Celebi.

The last was medium in size, and had a very energetic green on it. A leaf sprouted apon it’s head, creating an arch over its body. On it’s hands two short, but sharp leaves were found, that could easily cut steel in half. It was wearing a leather band that had a brown pouch on it. Clearly this was the pokémon Grovyle.

The four looked across the horizon, and saw the sun rise. Celebi was in tears, Grovyle was smiling happily. Dusknoir was expressionless while Dialga remained still. Finally, he spoke.

"Yes, you are alive." Dialga boomed, and the trio turned.

"But then why are we?" Celebi asked, her voice curious. "Shouldn't we have dissapered? We pokémon of the future are not supposed to live, right?"

"Good question." Grovyle admitted, and then turned to Dialga. "Did you use some of your hocus-pocus?"

"No." Dialga answered, and then turned out to the sun rising. "A being higher then me has let you live, I am sure."

"Who-" Celebi began, but was interrupted.

"Was it Giratina?" Dusknoir asked. Dialga looked stunned for a second, but then it was gone.

"No." Dialga repeated. "It was someone higher then Giratina, higher then any."

They all began trying to think of somebody higher than everybody, but then Dialga spoke.

"I shall go." Dialga announced, but Grovyle ran up to try to stop him.

"Wait-!"

But he was gone.

"Shall we go and find Dialga?" Grovyle asked. Dusknoir and Celebi were hesitant, but nodded. They headed down the mountain and toward the Sableye.

"We are alive, yeh heh heh!" The Sableye chanted, as they began to go past Dusk Forest and into a Cavern that was known as Old Ruins.

"Well, now we know what this inscription means." Grovyle muttered as he looked apon the painting of Dialga and another being, battling it out. "But we don't know why they're battling in the first place..."

"Hey, guys, come here! Rainbow Stoneship's working!" Celebi cheered, showing them the part of the floor that was glowing.

PhantomDragon
15th April 2012, 12:38 PM
Following on from In the Future Of Darkness? You have me interested.
Seems a bit odd to me that Dialga left and is then just letting them follow him anyway, but hey.
Also, the transition through Dusk Forest to Old Ruins feels a bit too fast for my liking. Padding that journey out a bit would feel more realistic, imo.
Now, typos...


but extrodary to those three pokémon.
Should be extraordinary.


it’s[/B] entire body]
You don't need the apostrophe in this case. You constantly put "it's" through the description of Dialga, but you should be using "its" as "it's" stands for "it is". "...had steel covering it is entire body" makes no sense.


and her head looked a bit like a onion
Should be "a bit like an onion". And I love that description. :)


Two antennas
I thought the plural for this was antennae?


A leaf sprouted apon it’s head
Should be upon.


Dusknoir was expressionless, because he has no mouth except for the one of his stomach
Couple of things here. One, you say he has no mouth, which is tense switching. This is a bad thing. Please make sure tenses stay consistent. Secondly, shouldn't the second part of the sentence read, "except for the one on his stomach"?


While Dialga remained still. Finnaly, he spoke.
That capital in "while" shouldn't be there. "Finnaly" should read "Finally".


"Shouldn't we have dissapered?
Should be disappeared.


but was interuptted
Should be interrupted.


somebody higher then everybody
Should be than.


"Shall we go and find Dialga?" Grovyle asked, and Dusknoir and Celebi were hesitant, but nodded.
This is a bit of a run-on sentence, in my opinion. I think it would work better if you took out the ", and".


they began to go past Dusk Forest
This is a tad unclear. Past as in through, or past as in actually not going through it at all?


why their battling
Should be they're.

I recommend proofreading carefully and using something with a good spellcheck. For example, Microsoft Word, if you can install it, should pick up on grammar mistakes as well, but check through yourself as well. I'm pretty interested to see where this goes, hope the next chapter will be up soon!

Nightfall_
15th April 2012, 1:48 PM
Following on from In the Future Of Darkness? You have me interested.
Seems a bit odd to me that Dialga left and is then just letting them follow him anyway, but hey.
Also, the transition through Dusk Forest to Old Ruins feels a bit too fast for my liking. Padding that journey out a bit would feel more realistic, imo.
Now, typos...


Should be extraordinary.


had steel covering it’s entire body]
You don't need the apostrophe in this case. You constantly put "it's" through the description of Dialga, but you should be using "its" as "it's" stands for "it is". "...had steel covering it is entire body" makes no sense.


Should be "a bit like an onion". And I love that description. :)


I thought the plural for this was antennae?


Should be upon.


Couple of things here. One, you say he has no mouth, which is tense switching. This is a bad thing. Please make sure tenses stay consistent. Secondly, shouldn't the second part of the sentence read, "except for the one on his stomach"?


That capital in "while" shouldn't be there. "Finnaly" should read "Finally".


Should be disappeared.


Should be interrupted.


Should be than.


This is a bit of a run-on sentence, in my opinion. I think it would work better if you took out the ", and".


This is a tad unclear. Past as in through, or past as in actually not going through it at all?


Should be they're.

I recommend proofreading carefully and using something with a good spellcheck. For example, Microsoft Word, if you can install it, should pick up on grammar mistakes as well, but check through yourself as well. I'm pretty interested to see where this goes, hope the next chapter will be up soon!
Thanks for the review, I was doing this on Microsoft, just I guess they missed a couple of things. We have a old version, maybe that's why....

Anyway, I'll fix what you said. And the "Going Past Dusk Forest" was as in going through.

And why Dialga dissapered in the middle of them talking, I have that for a reason.