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Zibdas
20th April 2012, 11:28 PM
Zub: The Adventure of Stuff
a fanfic by Zibdas
"My mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say to someone, don't blow your nose in their hands."
-our motto and inspiration
Now withe a TVtropes page. Any help that can be provided would be appreciated! (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/ZubTheAdventuresOfStuff)

Set Purple Missingno. Master; PhantomDragon; Kutie Pie; Z-nogyroP; GalladeofSpades;
Set Orange RotomKnight;


Now with a Character List (spoilers) (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14848725#post14848725)

Zub: The Adventures of Stuff is the story of a misfortunate boy named Zub, who was given that name for no particular reason. He is set out with the impossible task of defeating Them, even though no one seems to know what They are. He is also tasked to save and protect the world indirectly, which is really quite the bother as it probably isn't even a very good world to begin with. Along the way he meets a variety of cast, being friend or foe, who interact with him and blah blah blah blah blah.
You get it, right? If no, stop wasting your time here and read the story.


Chapter List: (click on the chapter titles)
The Bilingual Beginning
Chapter 0: Teehee. (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14447805#post14447805)
Chapter 1: What?
Chapter 2: First Battle (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14453297#post14453297)
Chapter 3: Communism Ahoy! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14485938#post14485938)
Chapter 4: The Post-Collateral Engima of the Paradoxical Fault (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14497706#post14497706)

Eff Ecks' Short and Anticlimatic Reign
Chapter 5: Bovinal Meanie (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14507485#post14507485)
Chapter 6: In Which Ran Takes Over the Story and Stuff Goes Down (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14510596#post14510596)
Chapter 7: Return of the Non-Collateral Fruit Basket (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14512887#post14512887)

The *first* Miror B. Saga
Chapter 8: The Curious Case of Mirorenza Bartholomew (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14523810#post14523810)
Chapter 9: Mirakle Worker (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14560392#post14560392)
Chapter 10: The Tenth Chapter (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14646213#post14646213)
Chapter 11:The Midget Prelude (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14672944#post14672944)
Chapter 12:The End to the First Miror B. Saga (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14707287#post14707287)

Mary Sue Mustn't Die
Chapter 13: Reunion (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14717587&highlight=#post14717587)
Chapter 14: Gordon's Picnic (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14743268#post14743268)
Chapter 15: Chapter 1 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14758157#post14758157)
Chapter 16: Normal (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14766710#post14766710)
Chapter 17: Normality (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14775147#post14775147)

Magna Excipe
Chapter 18: Settling Down... Kinda (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14787026#post14787026)
Chapter 19: Death Toll (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14792037#post14792037)
Chapter 20: Eff Ecks Pretty Much Sucks (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14811777#post14811777)

Terrible Things
Chapter 21: THE SERIOUS CHAPTER (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14854472#post14854472)
Chapter 22: Happy Explosion Day (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14867519#post14867519)
Chapter 23: Suckish Sucks (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14887799#post14887799)
Chapter 24: Aristotle's Demeanor (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14903366#post14903366)
Chapter 25: Something Else (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14923896#post14923896)

The *second* Miror B. Saga
Chapter 26: Musicular Assault (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14956424#post14956424)
Chapter 27: The Reveal (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14994327#post14994327)
Chapter 28: More Bad News (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=15065005#post15065005)
Chapter 29: The Author's Descent (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=15217650#post15217650)

Finale
Chapter 30: Looming Nearer (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=15269202#post15269202)
Chapter 31: The Invasion (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=15301001#post15301001)
Chapter 32: The Culmination (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=15313875#post15313875)

Bonus Chapters
Chapter 1: Aqua/Magma Crisis! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?569394-PG-13-Zub-The-Adventure-of-Stuff&p=14731011#post14731011)

Chapter 0: Prologue, and some stuff consequently happens

Zub looked in horror at what he had done.

He had killed their hero.

Well, to be perfectly fair, it had started innocently enough. That hardly justified murdering viciously, though however unintentionally, their one and only hope for their kind.
The way he looked at it, Zub was pretty much screwed.

“You just decide to go flying out of lump knows where, and you decide to lumpin’ crash into our lumpin’ hero?!” cried out his father in anger beyond that of which even a Voltorb could perform when it finds out its spouse has been cheating on it for a Magnemite and left the casserole in the oven for too long while doing so.

He could only give a sheepish smile and rub his neck endearingly.

Not everyone was this mad; they just sat there in shocked silence and stared at him. A few died of heart attacks, or so he though. It was hard to tell.

And still he said nothing.

As a young child he was diagnosed with asthma, cancer, leukemia, and death, making his life expectancy about three minutes. And yet he survived. He was then diagnosed with Clichedprotaganitis, which not only made him follow a series of prefabricated clichés but also made him inexplicably mute.

He was not a happy fellow. Not that anyone could tell, of course.

“What have yee…. person got too say fer yerself!” cried out the village elder, Montgomery Montgomery Montgomery III, an interestingly matching name. “You killed Galidor!”

Zub made a helpless expression towards the now-empty trebuchet he had been in moments early. It was promptly ignored, not to anyone’s surprise.

“Those… uh, things gonna be killing us!” cried the elder. “Unless you’re like… uh, Stink, or whatever he's called, where you’re both mute AND useful to the kingdom!”

Zub merely stared blankly, clearly not understanding the reference at all, much to the Elder’s sheer disappointment.

“Ehh…. Anyone got any ideas for his punishment? It should be something… truly redundant!”

“That word…” piped up another elder. “I don’t believe it means what you believe it means.”

“Soggy applesauce,” replied Montgomery Montgomery Montgomery III, waving the statement off. “Anyone?”

“oo! Oo!” cried someone in the far back row. “We could give him a suicide adventure! An adventure in suicide!” When the entire crowd shifted uneasily to gawk at him, he couldn’t respond. To his mixed pleasure, the elder took over.

“Excellent ideer, young ‘un! We will send him in Galidor’s place with his own Pokemon! And, well, if he dies along the way,” he said, producing a fake tear behind his mask of joy. “So be it! We will fight off Them ourselves!”

The crowd reached a joyous proclamation not incomparable to when someone discovers they’re not dead when they really should be, or when you find a right sock in a sea of left socks. The intense mutterings and idea-barings did not bode well for our hero, who was not entirely comfortable with the thought of fighting Them.

“What about a companion?!” cried out a random villager whose relevance to the story was debatable. “Should he not go alone? That is too clichéd!” he shouted.

“What about Debbie?” asked another.

“Eh… no. He ran off proclaiming that the very prospect of leaving filled his heart with rainbows.”

“Anyone else available?”

“What about no companion!” cried the elder, who had had enough. "If he truly wants one, he’ll get it. For now, he has his sole Pokemon. Is everyone clear?!” yelled the elder to a mixed garble of “yes”es.

“Good. Then I believe you best be on your way, Zub. Be ready as early as tomorrow,” he said, eyes gleaming with wicked contempt. “They are waiting for you. They are prepared. So kill Them,” he said, a huge toothy grin climbing over his face. “Or They kill you.”

After turning to an area I didn't want to go in my last fic, I tried writing a new one some months later, and you're looking at the result. It has a more freeform style and an undefined plotline, allowing more freedom on my part and hopefully more enjoyment on yours. Enjoy!

Missingno. Master
21st April 2012, 1:13 AM
I like this so far. Looks like there's not much of a fourth wall to this, is there?

Zibdas
21st April 2012, 5:38 AM
Forth wall? You mean that thing sitting smashed over in the corner?

Jokes aside, it is an honour to be complimented by someone of your esteem.

PhantomDragon
21st April 2012, 1:46 PM
I spotted a few typos, so I've corrected them in bold for you.




A few died of heart attacks, or so he thought. It was hard to tell.

“Unless you’re like… uh, Stink, or whatever he's called, where you’re both mute AND useful to the kingdom!”

“Excellent idea, young ‘un!

We will fight off Them ourselves!”



I assume I can see a Legend of Zelda reference here? If so, huzzah. And huzzah for destroying the fourth wall as well!
This looks like a pretty interesting fic. Well, it's nicely written and it destroys the fourth wall, so that qualifies as interesting. Plus, you've put in a couple of mysteries, which is intriguing. It reminds me of The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy as well, for some odd reason. :/

Knightfall
21st April 2012, 2:18 PM
Very interesting, it's different from a lot of things I've read recently.

It seems Zub has gotten himself into soem deep trouble, and I want to know what happens next.

Can't wait for the next chapter,

Knightfall signing off...;005;

Zibdas
21st April 2012, 3:03 PM
I spotted a few typos, so I've corrected them in bold for you.



I assume I can see a Legend of Zelda reference here? If so, huzzah. And huzzah for destroying the fourth wall as well!
This looks like a pretty interesting fic. Well, it's nicely written and it destroys the fourth wall, so that qualifies as interesting. Plus, you've put in a couple of mysteries, which is intriguing. It reminds me of The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy as well, for some odd reason. :/
The first one was intentional, to highlight his slightly.... off pattern of speech.
I counted at least four Zelda reference and one The Princess Bride reference, so bravo for finding at least one. ;)
And to be fair, I've been reading The Hitchhiker's Guide a good amount recently, so that may be subliminally influencing me.

Very interesting, it's different from a lot of things I've read recently.

It seems Zub has gotten himself into soem deep trouble, and I want to know what happens next.

Can't wait for the next chapter,

Knightfall signing off...;005;
I try to follow as many cliches as possible while differentiating myself from all cliches to make a non-cliched cliched work packed with broken cliches, if that makes any sense.

I thanks you for all the positive comments! Hope my next chapter doesn't disappoint... *self esteem dropped by 2 points!*

Zibdas
22nd April 2012, 12:34 AM
And now....
Chapter 2: First Battle
because chapter 1s are too mainstream
Zub looked around him in the pit he was stranded in, Death rather literally looming over him.

If he could, he would tell Death to knock it off, as he was trying to feel miserable while reading a book, The New New New Standard Manual for Escaping Pits. Of course, Death, being the jerk he was, knew what he was thinking, yet didn’t leave.

“You can’t make me, and you know you can’t, and I know you know you know you can’t,” he chattered cheerfully. For the most part, he was your stereotypical Death; a skull suspended in midair, cloak floating around it giving it the shape of a humanoid with a skull for a head. Two skeletal hands poked out of either sleeve, one carrying a clichéd scythe, the other, a deck of cards.

Glowering at Death, Zub resumed reading his book. Now on Chapter 2: The Post-Assessment of Post-Survival Gear, he suddenly felt that this was going to take a while to escape the pit. Flipping back to table of contents, he facepalmed. It read:

Chapter : Prologue Thing and the History of Pit Escapees
Chapter 1: Assessment of Pre-Survival Gear
Chapter 2: Post Assessment of Post-Survival Gear
Chapter 3: Assessing Your Pit
Chapter 4: Comforting your Pit
Chapter 5: Telling Your Pit what a Good Little Pit You Think It Is
Chapter 6: Explaining To Your Pit Why You Have To Escape It

Zub read no further, realizing what rubbish the majority of the book was. Skipping ahead to Chapter 72: Escaping Your Pit, he scanned the page and braced himself.

Step One: Stand up.

“You’re doing it wrong,” murmured Death, whom Zub promptly ignored.

Step Two: Reach your hands up, which he did.

Step Three: Grab the edge of your pit. An easy task easily done by our… hero.

Step Four: Pull yourself out of the pit. Zub did so and realized how simple it was and wondered why he ever bothered with the book.

And then he wondered why he bothered with the pit, and realized it wasn’t his fault. It started fairly simply.

FLASHBACK FROM ABOUT THREE DAYS BEFORE
It had been many years since he was last out after he was banned from them after he accidentally stopped the mafia, defeated a king turtle by jumping everywhere, found the sword of evil’s bane and killed a pig-man thing, blew up his village unintentionally, and destroyed the ultimate evil.

He was a very busy cliché-abiding mortal.

Regardless, it had been many years since he last left the gate, and the air now reeked with the distant promise of Them, of which he still knew nothing about and hadn’t the foggiest about why he was supposed to destroy them all. He merely recognized the scent, and with the vicious smell as his sole companion, he took his first step forward.

He never made it.

He tripped before he could even realize that he had tripped, causing a small temporal paradox in which millions of petunias died at the hands of Cheez-It crackers every year.

Rolling down the mountain of which his village was founded on, he eventually found himself crashed in a freezing, out-of place snowbank.

Death came to him. It was not fun.

“You seem to be in a pickle!” he cackled and then stopped. “Wait… that could have worked out better. Hmm…” he said, and with a snap of his bony fingers, the snowbank transformed into a giant cucumber, of which did not help Zub’s position at all.

With another snap, baggy overalls and a straw hat appeared over Death’s cloak as he said “Hyuck hyuck hyuck,” causing them to disappear once more. Zub merely rolled his eyes and made an offensive gesture for Death to leave.

“Hey hey hey whoa whoa,” said Death sadly. "You can’t! I’m your buddy! …I would clasp your shoulder and gesture off into the distance, but if I touch you, you quite literally die.” Zub struggled and indicated that Death should release him “from his pickle”.

“Ugh… Fine. But I’m warning you, pit.” Ignoring Zub’s bewildered stare, the pickle disappeared and dropped Zub into a pit.

“I warned ya,” said Death nonchalantly.

Back to present day, now out of the pit, Zub was completely lost when someone approached him.

“HEY YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAAAAAINEEEEEER!” squealed the man, who was wearing a karate robe thing. “I SAW YOU, SO WE GOTTA HAVE A POGEYMAN BATTLE!”

Zub made a gesture at his empty belt loop to indicate he had no Pokémon.

The man’s eyes narrowed, dangerously so. “I see. I win through forfeit,” he whispered. “Now I, as required by the League, have to mug you.”

“Wait wait wait wait!” exclaimed Death, reappearing in front of Zub, donning a pair of what appeared to be Pikachu ears.. “I’m a Pokémon! I’m Pikachu!” Realizing his mistake, he changed his brilliantly balck robe into an outfit resembling a Pikachu. “Pika pika,” he added helpfully.

The man’s eyes lit up once more. “A POGEYMAN! AND IT IS CUUU~UTE!” groping his belt for his Pokéball, he promptly threw it, releasing a Magikarp.

“Oo, this’ll be fun!” exclaimed Zub’s ‘Pikachu’. “Especially after he called me ‘cute’.”

“EXCELLENT!” said their opponent giddily. “MAGIKARP, USE YOUR ♥FANTABULOUS♥ SPLASH ATTACK!”

The Magikarp’s eyes narrowed. Lightning and thunder struck from a distance. The fish Pokémon rose up into the sky, blue streams of light flowing over it. More lightning.

Death whistled. “Our special effects guy better not blow the budget on this fish.”

Magikarp, faster than a speeding Remoraid, sped to Death, unleashing its ultimate attack….

Magikarp flailed a little bit, then fell over on the ground, gasping for air. Death gave a confused glance over to Zub, then punted Magikarp away, instantly defeating it.

“HYOOOOOOOI!” screamed their opponent, doubling over as if he was hit in the groin with something heavy. “MY POGEYMAN!”

“Do we win?” asked Death in a nonchalant manner.

“NO!” screamed the man. “I HAVE FIVE MORE OF THESE THINGS!”

Death frowned. After a moment of thinking, he came up with a solution. “Would you like a hug from this ADOWABLE Pikachu?”
“Boy howdy!” shouted the man, and ran up to hug Death, where he dropped dead.

“There we go,” said Death , grabbing the man’s remaining Pokeballs. “Who’s up for grilled fish for dinner?”

PhantomDragon
22nd April 2012, 12:39 PM
This chapter was excellent. Normally I would consider this amount of randomness to feel forced, but it didn't.
Is Death just going to be tagging along with Zub then? And is there a particular reason for this? And will Zub get any actual Pokémon? And am I asking too many questions? Probably.
Anyway, can I be on the PM list please?

Zibdas
22nd April 2012, 3:09 PM
This chapter was excellent. Normally I would consider this amount of randomness to feel forced, but it didn't.
Is Death just going to be tagging along with Zub then? And is there a particular reason for this? And will Zub get any actual Pokémon? And am I asking too many questions? Probably.
Anyway, can I be on the PM list please?

Death just tags along because he can. And as much as he would love to kill everything ever, Zub has an immunity (for now) being a titular character.

A PM list? I'm never good at keeping track of those, but alright.

Missingno. Master
22nd April 2012, 3:35 PM
Chapter : Prologue Thing and the History of Pit Escapees
Chapter 1: Assessment of Pre-Survival Gear
Chapter 2: Post Assessment of Post-Survival Gear
Chapter 3: Assessing Your Pit
Chapter 4: Comforting your Pit
Chapter 5: Telling Your Pit what a Good Little Pit You Think It Is
Chapter 6: Explaining To Your Pit Why You Have To Escape It
Sweet crap, that book is useless.



Step One: Stand up.

“You’re doing it wrong,” murmured Death, whom Zub promptly ignored.
How do you even do that wrong?



Death came to him. It was not fun.
I would imagine not.



“You seem to be in a pickle!” he cackled and then stopped. “Wait… that could have worked out better. Hmm…” he said, and with a snap of his bony fingers, the snowbank transformed into a giant cucumber, of which did not help Zub’s position at all.
...OK, I'm starting to like this guy.



The man’s eyes narrowed, dangerously so. “I see. I win through forfeit,” he whispered. “Now I, as required by the League, have to mug you.”
Well, that explains the concept of prize money.



“Wait wait wait wait!” exclaimed Death, reappearing in front of Zub, donning a pair of what appeared to be Pikachu ears.. “I’m a Pokémon! I’m Pikachu!” Realizing his mistake, he changed his brilliantly balck robe into an outfit resembling a Pikachu. “Pika pika,” he added helpfully.
I'm really starting to like this guy.



“EXCELLENT!” said their opponent giddily. “MAGIKARP, USE YOUR ♥FANTABULOUS♥ SPLASH ATTACK!”

The Magikarp’s eyes narrowed. Lightning and thunder struck from a distance. The fish Pokémon rose up into the sky, blue streams of light flowing over it. More lightning.

Death whistled. “Our special effects guy better not blow the budget on this fish.”
Incredible special effects, a dumb as all hell trainer, all while pulverizing the sad remnants of the fourth wall into a fine powder.



“NO!” screamed the man. “I HAVE FIVE MORE OF THESE THINGS!”
Oh, geez, I HATE trainers like that!


Death frowned. After a moment of thinking, he came up with a solution. “Would you like a hug from this ADOWABLE Pikachu?”
“Boy howdy!” shouted the man, and ran up to hug Death, where he dropped dead.

“There we go,” said Death , grabbing the man’s remaining Pokeballs. “Who’s up for grilled fish for dinner?”
Death is now officially my favorite character.

Great chapter. I'd like to be on the PM list!

Zibdas
23rd April 2012, 12:01 AM
Sweet crap, that book is useless.


How do you even do that wrong?


I would imagine not.


...OK, I'm starting to like this guy.


Well, that explains the concept of prize money.


I'm really starting to like this guy.


Incredible special effects, a dumb as all hell trainer, all while pulverizing the sad remnants of the fourth wall into a fine powder.


Oh, geez, I HATE trainers like that!


Death is now officially my favorite character.

Great chapter. I'd like to be on the PM list!

Wow, I'm honoured. You're on it too, then. ^.^

Zibdas
29th April 2012, 6:51 AM
I've noticed an overall lack of real characters, so without further ado, here is
Chapter 3: Communism Ahoy!

Warning: This chapter contains offensive communist and capitalist portrayals. If you are offended by this, go back to watching Dora, as it is clearly more age-appropriate.

Zub was feeling pretty proud of himself. Already, today alone, he had not only escaped the pit he was stranded in, but also, thanks to the help of Pikadeath… (or is it Deathachu? No one cares…) he was able to win his first Pokémon battle. As per League rules, he had to pummel the man to a bleeding pulp and grab his wallet.

It’s a wonder the League still ponders over their many trainer’s eccentricities.

“Where to next?” wondered Death for the fourteenth time. “I suppose, coming from your village we should go to… Comet Rises, or whatever it is called.” Zub had no opportunity to interrupt him. Not that he could, of course.

Continuing southward, it occurred to Death how bored, he, as someone who was practically a god, was. “I’m going to sing you a song that hasn’t been passed down through my family for generations!” With a snap of his fingers, his scythe transfigured into a banjo. Beginning to strum, several rocks and other natural instruments picked themselves up before beginning to play alongside him.

“I call this one the Travelin’ Song.

“Let’s gather round the travelers and sing our Travelin’ Song!
“Our T-R-A-V-E-L-I-N-G S-O-N-G Song!
“Our-“ he stopped as he realized that all the rocks at smashed themselves to pieces, the reeds providing the flutist sounds now lying, snapping in half of their own accord. Zub lay in the corner, having a fierce seizure.

“…on the bright side, we’re here at the cave!” he said gleefully, and merrily skipped inside.



Somewhere amongst the surrounding foothills and mountains a single red figure stood, watching his prey.

He was short; about the size of a small boy, though twice as energetic. His oversized red helmet was almost a foot tall and inconveniently triangularly shaped over his face, yellow ring encompassing the perimeter. His red body suit itched, though being what he was he didn’t notice.

Silently, he followed his prey inside.

Zub was happy to resume walking normally after Death’s unfortunate recital. Looking ahead, he realized he had no idea where he was going. Luckily, his thoughts were interrupted.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED he thought. That’s weird, he thought after. I didn’t know I thought in an Australian accent, whoever Australia may be.

The Zubat flew in front of them, malevolent fangs glistening in the pale yellow light filtering in through the small crevices splattered throughout the cavern. Wings beating fiercely, in a blur he was upon Death, dying upon making contact with the bright yellow fur of said god’s cloak.

“Sheesh,” complained Death. “If the special effects guy doesn’t cut it out on these little Pokémon, we’re not going to have any money left for my ice cream social with the folks over in the Shipping communities! They’re so crazy!”

After a pause, Death murmured, “I feel a great disturbance in the fanfiction, as if millions of fourth walls fragments suddenly cried out and were suddenly silenced. I fear something exquisite has happened.” He beat out a classic buh-dum-tsh! on a miniature drum set and then played a laugh track.

Shaking his head, Zub walked forward, or at least he did until he didn’t.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED he thought again, as another blue bat flew out, soulless lack of eyes menacingly glaring at his foes, as well as you could glare without eyes. That is to say, it made a rather humorous face that would have been great for the Internet had Zub brought his camera.

Once more, it charged, once more it died.

“Phew,” said Death, whipping his forehead to parody popular artists doing similar acts.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED thought Zub. Another death. He stepped forward.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED. Another death. Another step.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED

Zub turned sharply towards Death, a wild look in his eyes that would cause even Sharpedo to back away in terror. Death got the message.

“I think I can kill them all… what am I saying. I’m meant to kill stuff. Killing a few Zubats wouldn’t hurt.” With another snap of his fingers, several thousand pounds of Zubat corpses crashed down on them.

“Gross,” said Death.



After removing themselves from the rather unfortunate situation, the two looked around. Much to their surprise, a red figure crashed down from the ceiling into a kneeling position, and, rather dramatically, stood up, opening its eyes.

“Prepare to be assimilated, Capitalist dogs!”

The duo stared at him.

“I’m Socialist, actually,” explained Death. “And who are you?”

The figure blinked. “Uh. I mean, Ran, commie bot extraordinaire!” he exclaimed, throwing his gloved hands in the air, revealing a blue symbol for communism on his chest and large white boots.

“Commie bot?” intoned Death.

“Yes!” shouted Ran, charging forward, preparing a gun. “Ran Cossack, commi-IEEE!” he shouted, tripping suddenly and dying.

“Uh,” said Death stupidly. “Was that supposed to happen?”

Suddenly, with a red flash of light, a new Ran appeared lying next to the old one’s corpse.

“What just happened?” asked Death. “Death is my job. And I don’t want people ruining it.”

“You see,” explained Ran in a voice indicating he’s told it countless times before. “I’m made of cheap, Communist brand parts. So I die easily. Rather than to make me of better parts, my creator decided to make a machine that will teleport a copy of me to where the previous one had died.”

“Seems inefficient,” muttered Death.

“Did you not hear the part about how I’m a Communist? Sensibility is not the Commie way.”

“Oh, right. I have to kill you guys now. But it seems my Cossack Blaster is malfunctioning…” Ran muttered. Uneasily, he picked up his own corpse by the legs and prepared to run at his enemies.

“Wait,” exclaimed Death, “You’re going to bludgeon us to death with your own corpse? Seems morbid.”

“The Great Head of Josef Stalin requires it," said Ran, before charging at Death when Zub intervened.

Stepping into the fray, Zub poked Ran, who instantly fell over. A flash of red, and a new Ran was there.

“He-!” shouted Ran, as it was all he could before dying. A flash of red, and a new Ran. Poke. A flash of red. A new Ran. Poke. Rinse and repeat several times.

“Camper!” yelled Ran, standing next to a large mountain of his own corpses. “You have truly shown your skills. I won’t kill you. Instead, I will follow you around and help you.”

“That seems convenient, as if almost a plot device,” hummed Death, as the three marched on.



A WILD BAGON HAS APPEARED thought Zub, eager for something that wasn’t Zubat.

A small, puny-looking blue dragon Pokmon came running through the cave, shouting “BAG BAG BAG BAG BAG BAG” ludicrously. A horrid grey helmet lay lopsided on its head, and between that and its oversized nose he could hardly see. His tiny forelimbs were flailing madly to try to get an attack in, and his massive head weighed so much in comparison it was apparently difficult for him to stand up. Whenever it tilted to the side, he either fell over or ran that way to prevent the inevitable fall. It was amusingly pathetic.

Zub sat and glowered at it, trying to get the hint across to Death.

Ran threw his hands in the air again. “You! Boney! Kill them!”

“Oh! You want me to kill EVERYTHING in here?” he chattered. “Me gusta.”

With another snap, everything died.

Everything.

“Oh snickerdoodle!” shouted Death. “I left the oven on at ho- WHOAMAIGAWSH” he screamed as he noticed Zub laying on the ground unmoving. “Mom’s gonna KILL ME!”

“Boney, you monster!” cried out Ran. “You… you killed him!”

“He’s not even supposed to DIE!” whined Death “He’s a TITULAR character after all….” he groaned.

“Nobody must know about this,” he whispered to himself. “I have a plan…. a stupid plan, yeah, but a plan.”

He snapped his fingers. He looked down at himself, now donning Zub’s clothes. “Solution number one, check. Solution two… hmm….” he muttered aloud. Coming up with a plan, he kicked Zub’s corpse, waited a second, then nodded at satisfaction with the splash it made below.

“Let’s do this,” he said, walking out of the cave before he was stopped by a man on a white karate gi.

“I AM BLACK BELT… NOB!” roared the man. “I SAW YOU. TIME TO FIGHT POGEYMANZ!”

Panicking, Death shouted, “I AM ZUB” and sucker punched Nob, leaving him crumpled on the floor.

Realizing that probably didn’t help his case, he ran away, screaming “I AM ZUB!” to assert everyone around him of who he apparently was, Ran running after him, arms flailing and shouting.

PhantomDragon
29th April 2012, 9:28 AM
Chapter 3: Communism Ahoy!
Oh boy. This is really going to be interesting.


thanks to the help of Pikadeath… (or is it Deathachu? No one cares…)
A floating skull...carrying a scythe...dressed up as a Pikachu. That is so morbidly adorable.


I didn’t know I thought in an Australian accent, whoever Australia may be.

Australian accents FTW!


“If the special effects guy doesn’t cut it out on these little Pokémon, we’re not going to have any money left for my ice cream social with the folks over in the Shipping communities! They’re so crazy!”
The folks in the Shipping communities? Or the FX guy?


“ think I can kill them all… what am I saying. I’m meant to kill stuff. Killing a few Zubats wouldn’t hurt.” With another snap of his fingers, several thousand pounds of Zubat corpses crashed down on them.
You can't win against the Zubat, can you?


“Prepare to be assimilated, Capitalist dogs!”
Urrrrrrk...my knowledge of science fiction has conveniently decided to abandon me. Is this a reference to the Cybermen?


“Yes!” shouted Ran, charging forward, preparing a gun. “Ran Cossack, commi-IEEE!”he shouted, tripping suddenly and dying.

So anticlimatic it's FRICKING HILARIOUS.


Panicking, Death shouted, “I AM ZUB”
I have a feeling this is a reference of some kind, but I'm not sure what. As you may have notices, I'm not great with references. :)

I spotted a few small mistakes as well,so I stuck them in the spoiler. Should be obvious what the issues are.

Anyway, another great chapter, and I heartily look forward to seeing the fourth wall get pulverized even more.


“The Great Head of Josef Stalin” requires it, said Ran,


I’m going to sing you a song that hasn’t been passed down through my family for generations/”


A WILD ZUBAT APPEAREDhe thought.


and suckered punched Nob, leaving him crumpled

Zibdas
29th April 2012, 3:04 PM
The folks in the Shipping communities? Or the FX guy?
Death wanted to have an ice cream social with the folks in Shipping, because, according to him, they're crazy. *withheld opinion*
But he can't if he has no money, aye? That's where the accursed FX guy comes in.



You can't win against the Zubat, can you?
They alsways sneak around and get you when you're not expecting.



Urrrrrrk...my knowledge of science fiction has conveniently decided to abandon me. Is this a reference to the Cybermen?

Oh wow... I made a reference to the borg of Star Trek without realizing it.



I have a feeling this is a reference of some kind, but I'm not sure what. As you may have notices, I'm not great with references. :)

I's a small parody of a chapter of a webcomic from way back in 04.


I spotted a few small mistakes as well,so I stuck them in the spoiler. Should be obvious what the issues are.

Anyway, another great chapter, and I heartily look forward to seeing the fourth wall get pulverized even more.

Thanks for the help! My beta-reader is off for personal reasons, so I've had to be doing correcting on my own.
I suck at correctingf/

Missingno. Master
29th April 2012, 9:02 PM
“Let’s gather round the travelers and sing our Travelin’ Song!
“Our T-R-A-V-E-L-I-N-G S-O-N-G Song!
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song!



He was short; about the size of a small boy, though twice as energetic. His oversized red helmet was almost a foot tall and inconveniently triangularly shaped over his face, yellow ring encompassing the perimeter. His red body suit itched, though being what he was he didn’t notice.
My first thought was a Pawniard. And your avatar didn't help.



A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
Oh, boy.



The Zubat flew in front of them, malevolent fangs glistening in the plae yellow light filtering in through the small crevices splattered throughout the cavern. Wings beating fiercely, in a blur he was upon Death, dying upon making contact with the bright yellow fur of said god’s cloak.
Now I'm imagining a Dusknoir with an ability that KOs the opponent if it uses a contact move. Broken as all hell.



He beat out a classic buh-dum-tsh!
I believe the technical term is a rimshot.



A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED he thought again, as another blue bat flew out, soulless lack of eyes menacingly glaring at his foes, as well as you could glare without eyes. That is to say, it made a rather humorous face that would have been great for the Internet had Zub brought his camera.
It does create an amusing mental image.



Once more, it charged, once more it died.

“Phew,” said Death, whipping his forehead to parody popular artists doing similar acts.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED thought Zub. Another death. He stepped forward.

A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED. Another death. Another step.
You'd think they'd learn.


A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
A WILD ZUBAT APPEARED
Oh lord, Mt. Moon flashback.



“ think I can kill them all… what am I saying. I’m meant to kill stuff. Killing a few Zubats wouldn’t hurt.” With another snap of his fingers, several thousand pounds of Zubat corpses crashed down on them.

“Gross,” said Death.
Gross indeed.



“Yes!” shouted Ran, charging forward, preparing a gun. “Ran Cossack, commi-IEEE!”he shouted, tripping suddenly and dying.

“Uh.” said Death stupidly. “Was that supposed to happen?”
He ought to know whether that was supposed to happen. Fatality is supposed to kinda be his area of expertise.



“Death is my job. And I don’t want people ruining it.”
I like that quote. I don't know why, I just do.



A WILD BAGON HAS APPEARED
Now we're talking!



A small, puny-looking blue dragon Pokmon came running through the cave, shouting “BAG BAG BAG BAG BAG BAG” ludicrously. A horrid grey helmet lay lopsided on its head, and between that and its oversized nose he could hardly see. His tiny forelimbs were flailing madly to try to get an attack in, and his massive head weighed so much in comparison it was apparently difficult for him to stand up. Whenever it tilted to the side, he either fell over or ran that way to prevent the inevitable fall. It was amusingly pathetic.
Wow. Way to suck all the drama out of encountering a Dragon-type. Not that I'm complaining, though.



“Oh! You want me to kill EVERYTHING in here?” he chattered. “Me gusta.”
Someone loves his job.



With another snap, everything died.

Everything.
I don't know if it's just me or what, but that doesn't sound very good.



“Oh snickerdoodle!” shouted Death. “I left the oven on at ho- WHOAMAIGAWSH” he screamed as he noticed Zub laying on the ground unmoving. “Mom’s gonna KILL ME!”
Kill Death?

Can she even do that?



Panicking, Death shouted, “I AM ZUB” and sucker punched Nob, leaving him crumpled on the floor.
Death's not exactly the best at coping with emergencies, I've noticed.



Realizing that probably didn’t help his case, he ran away, screaming “I AM ZUB!” to assert everyone around him of who he apparently was, Ran running after him, arms flailing and shouting.
Yeah, like that's gonna work so much better.

Nice chapter overall. Didn't expect Zub dying, but given how random everything here is, I have a feeling he'll get better.

PhantomDragon
29th April 2012, 9:51 PM
Heya, sorry but there's another typo you missed:


on a miniature dtrum set

Figured you'd want that pointed out as well.

Zibdas
29th April 2012, 10:36 PM
Heya, sorry but there's another typo you missed:



Figured you'd want that pointed out as well.
Fixed, thanks.


My first thought was a Pawniard. And your avatar didn't help.

My suspense trap worked! Mwahaha!



Now I'm imagining a Dusknoir with an ability that KOs the opponent if it uses a contact move. Broken as all hell.

If that's how he need roll, that's how he shalt roll. With style.


I believe the technical term is a rimshot.

Sure, but I don't get the opportunity to write out tsh all that much, so I have to include it in every way I can.



You'd think they'd learn.
They probably would if I didn't want to drill this joke to death later on, too.



Oh lord, Mt. Moon flashback.
Don't remind me.



He ought to know whether that was supposed to happen. Fatality is supposed to kinda be his area of expertise.

Well, it's a robot. This brings up the whole "Do robots have souls or is that just me" debate thing that I really don't want to go in to. So, for simplicity, robots don't have souls, which is sorta just over the border for Death, I guess.


I like that quote. I don't know why, I just do.

It's very true. If you were in control of all fatalities, would you want anyone screwing it up?


Now we're talking!


Wow. Way to suck all the drama out of encountering a Dragon-type. Not that I'm complaining, though.

I'm going to have to write an even more anticlimactic Dragon encounter then, just for you.


Someone loves his job.
If you were him, wouldn't you?




Kill Death?

Can she even do that?
I guess it depends on who his mom is. And besides, it gives more of a reason to panic for him then saying "Mom's going to put me in time-out for fifteen... SIXTEEN minutes!"



Death's not exactly the best at coping with emergencies, I've noticed.
He's not a people person, giving him less time to learn to cope.



Yeah, like that's gonna work so much better.

Nice chapter overall. Didn't expect Zub dying, but given how random everything here is, I have a feeling he'll get better.
I didn't expect him to either, but it made sense, so I went with it. Besides, it gives me plot points to work out later.

Zibdas
2nd May 2012, 2:57 PM
Chapter 4: The Post-Collateral Engima of the Paradoxical Fault


It was an unusual experience, being dead, as you might imagine. At the same rate, what kind of sick person imagines what being dead feels like?

Being mute, Zub had a lot of time to think. Too much time.

He’d reckoned he’d thought about everything. But not what being dead was like. It was an odd tingly sensation, as though the nice woman he had picked up from the pub down the street had shoved a decently sized grapefruit down his throat while gently rubbing a feather duster against his legs.

It wasn’t a sensation he was terribly accustomed to, but having experienced it three times he thought nothing weirder could happen.

He was wrong. Terribly, blisteringly, you’re-a-fat-LOOZAH kind of wrong.

“So, why are you rescuing me from the dead again?” said Zub, as apparently he could speak provided he was not living.

“Because I remember me doing it, so I have to save you,” replied Zub to Zub.

Zub looked at himself for a good few minutes before responding. “Alright, Zub. How do you imagine we escape?”

Zub thought for a moment. “Through the Exit door,” he said, pointing at a blatantly obvious neon sign proclaiming “EXIT” vividly just down the hall of which they were standing.

They went through the exit, to find that they had not exited. They tried again.

“The afterlife sure is confusing,” muttered Zub. Zub agreed.

This time, they traveled down the ceiling to the floor and left through the lower esophagus to the right wall, where they entered through a hatch to the ceiling of space.

“I have a headache,” said Zub. Zub also agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Just look at these stunning features! Smooth, albino hair! Lusciously golden-brown arms! A dimple of delectably delicate demeanor! It is me, the great and FABULOUOS Debbie! And you, Zub, proclaim not to have me in thy memory?” the man asked Death with a flourish of streamers.

“I AM ZUB,” cried Death helplessly, glancing sidelong guiltily. Ran sighed.

“Then I, DEBBIE, challenge you to… a battle!” giggled Debbie, hunched over. “Of wits! Of brawn! Of skill! Demeanor! Flourish! Resource! Fabulousness! I challenge you to… A POGEYMAN BATTLE!”

Death meeped. “A Pokémon battle? I… uh… oh, sure, Debbie… whatever you say…”

“Excellent!” cried Debbie, pumping his fists among other things in a flame of excitement. “I choose you… my precious, ZUBAT!”

Ran facepalmed.

“And I, choose you, uh..” Death helplessly searched his cloak before recalling he hadn’t currently a Pokémon. “I choose you, Ran!” he shouted, grabbing the unsuspecting robot and tossing him into the battle arena, where he died, only to be replaced.

Debbie gasped. “I’ve never herd of it! I will use my POGEYDEX and discover what it is!” Debbie pulled out a small red mechanical box from within unknown recesses in his clothing.

“Ran, the Communist Pokémon. It is renowned for its extremist ways and overall hatred of its rival species, the Capitalists Pokémon.”

“Zubat! Prepare to crush this commie!” cried Debbie with renewed excitement.

“Ugh. After being buried in three tons-worth of these guys’ corpses, I’m really thinking I hate them,” muttered Death as the bat pokmon dropped dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Door’s locked!” yelled Zub to himself, who merely shook his head and pulled out the Lightspeed Lugnet (new name to avoid copyright issues) and smashed open the door, to which Zub and Zub both ran out, falling several hundred feet up before coming into contact with a wall. Upon moving the wall, they found themselves in a void.

It was a nice void, if not blank.

A blank void.

It was White Space, all the way through and under, below and to the adjacent spaces of.

It was terribly dull.

“It’s terribly dull,” said Zub.

“Terribly dull,” agreed Zub.

Terribly dull agreed the void.

“Did you say something?” asked Zub. Zub shook his head.

I believe it was I who said I was dull, the Void added in a delightfully British accent. Now if you please, get out of me. I am hardly a woman to allow such frivolous men to jump in and out of me as they please, usually.

Then everything exploded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ran! Use… uh… COMMIE ATTACK!” shouted Death to attack Debbie’s final Pokémon, a Camerupt. An odd choice by any means, but the shaggy volcano camel was managing to hold its own. So far.

Ran picked up one of his corpses and hurled it at the Camerupt with all his might, landing with a small thunk as it bounced off the Fire-Pokémon’s nose.

“RAZZOFRAZZ*” shouted the Camerupt in pain.

*Razzofrazz is the ambiguous onomatopoeia used to dictate any Pokémon’s cry without coming up with a more reasonable term.

Debbie shook his head. “You’ll have to do more than that to stop my Camerupt, sweetheart,” he said with a wink. “Now! Cammie! ERUPTION!”

Cammie the Camerupt put its head down, then rolled over. Its two crater-humps began to shake analogously. With a loud bang! fire and magma careened out of the craters at mach speed, flinging the upside-down Pokémon into the air, where it crashed down with such intensity it created a shockwave powerful enough to kill Ran three times over.

Ran threw his corpses once more in retaliation.

“Oh, come on!” whined Death. “The FX guy must really hate us.”

Death shook his head and got back on focus. “Ran! Use your… uh, Cossack Buster!”

The commie-bot’s arm expanded until it was in the shape of a cannon, golden communist insignia embedded over the top. He fired.

“So close to getting an actual description for the protagonists…” muttered Death.

Cammie toppled over regardless of an adequate descriptor for the attack he just witnessed, ending the match.

An alarm went off suddenly, as a loud male robotic announcer voice thundered an introduction. “GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES AND GENTLESTUFF, IT’S TIME FOR THE GABBY-n-TY SHOW FEATUREING YOUR FAVOURITE REPORTERS, GABBY…. and Ty!”

With that, a blue haired woman sporting short shorts and a baby blue tank top burst in through a bush, followed by a gruff-looking cameraman boasting a rather oversized camera and common pedestrian clothing. “I told you it was a good idea to hide in that bush until a trainer passed by,” said Gabby to Ty, in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s all the same to me,” muttered Ty, looking sheepish and relieved his camera wasn’t focused on his minute blush.

“So today we have here two excellent Trainers!” continued Gabby talking so rapidly it fit her name all too well. “To what do you owe your success?”

“Communism,” Ran said simply.

“Dead stuff,” Death said simplier.

"WOW!” exclaimed Gabby, eyes watering up with sheer admiration at the three word response. “Ty! Write this down! This is… beautiful! Exquisite! All of the above!”

“Uh, yes sir! Ma’am! Sira’am!” said Ty, furiously scribbling it down on a yellow notebook.

“We really must be off now!” said Gabby, biting back tears. “I’m sure we’ll be catching your exploits around later, yes, si, non? Ciao!” With that, she and Ty leaped back into the brush and hid from sight.

“Uh,” said Ran, which, in Death’s opinion, suited the moment very well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub remained unscathed, despite all the explosions. He looked over his shoulder and found Zub unscathed too.

He found that he could not talk. He was alive again. He looked over his shoulder and saw Zub take out a whiteboard, furiously writing on it.

“I suppose you’re wondering who I am, and why I saved you from dying,” the whiteboard read. Zub nodded and Zub kept writing.

“I come from the future. Why did I save you? Solely because I remember me doing it when I was you.” Zub rubbed his temples.

“Your friends are down that cliffside, and I really must be going. Ciao!” said the Whiteboard, and Zub and the whiteboard both vanished, leaving Zub to slide down the hill by himself.

“Yay! I found our friend again!” said Ran, happy to see Zub. Death nodded.

“Oh, none too fast!” an omnipresent voice boomed over the trio, who looked around, confused.

“You seem to be hating me… so it is none too soon. I am required by my Masters to destroy you, as that may seem.” The threesome still looked around, bewildered.

“You do not recognize me? Perhaps this will remind you…” A Zub appeared, a lavish mix of blue and purple tiniting its luscious flesh devoid of any fur nor scales. Its gaping maw was packed ferociously with fangs and other sharp objects meant solely for killing, and-

“I recognize that…” Death said slowly as realization dawned on his face.

“Yes! I am the first of Their commanders, a member of the Authors Five! I am Eff Ecks, the special effects guy!”

Missingno. Master
2nd May 2012, 3:25 PM
I am Eff Ecks, the special effects guy!”

OK, definitely didn't see that coming.

PhantomDragon
2nd May 2012, 6:28 PM
OK, I went through and found all the typos I could. Sorry if I corrected anything that was supposed to be there.


said Zub


the great and FABULOUS Debbie!


“I’ve never heard of it!


to which Zub and Zub both ran out,


below and to the adjacent spaces of.
This is supposed to cut off right?


landing with a small thunk


“Oh, come on!”


IT’S TIME FOR THE GABBY-n-TY SHOW FEATURING


continued Gabby
I noticed after the "bursting out of the bush" scene you constantly spell Gabby's name with an -ie, despite using -y before then.


Ty! Write this down!


other sharp objects meant solely for killing, and-
There was an unneccessary speech mark after the "and-".

This time, they traveled down the ceiling to the floor and left through the lower esophagus to the right wall, where they entered through a hatch to the ceiling of space.

This is so, so...not even random. I don't know how to describe it, but it's awesome, whatever it is.


“Communism,” Ran said simply.

“Dead stuff,” Death said simplier.

Those must be some of the best responses to Gabby ever.


A Zub appeared, a lavish mix of blue and purple tiniting its luscious flesh devoid of any fur nor scales. Its gaping maw was packed ferociously with fangs and other sharp objects meant solely for killing, and-


Eff Ecks is selfish. He must really want to go and have ice cream.


I am the first of Their commanders, a member of the Authors Five!

I sense the fourth wall is about to be eliminated. Utterly eliminated.

And I ranked up! YAY!

Zibdas
5th May 2012, 6:06 AM
Thanks for all the comments, reviews, and corrections guys. So, without further ado...
Chapter 5: Bovinal Meany

“Eff Ecks?!” exclaimed Death incredulously. “Isn’t the fanfic a little young to be resorting to lame puns already?”

“But of course. But it could be much worse,” said Eff Ecks, waving off Death.

Death wouldn’t let it drop. “Like what?!”

There was a bright flash of white. “Well, originally my name was Spessul Eff Ecks Gai, but the Beta Readers died of so much terrible pun-ness, so Author and his Assistant had to remove it.” Eff Ecks shrugged as if that was a simple explanation.

Zub was pretty sure his brain committed suicide from all the fourth wall smashings.

The fourth wall, however, remained unharmed as it was never there. It was lying dead at the bottom of a ditch in a Albuquerque landfill long before the story even began.

“Well, I must bid you adieu now,” said Eff Ecks with a slight wave. “I have things to do. But before you get any ideas, you should probably die and stay dead,“ he said, glaring at Zub.

Death growled an ominous, dead growl. Typically speaking, dead things cannot growl, with the sole exception of the Third Graveller from Sol, which has been reportedly dead for thirteen years, despite growling at all who comes near it. This only made Death’s growl worse.

Zub attempted to run to try to catch Eff Ecks, to no avail. Being an author granted not only flight, but also diplomatic immunity and free sodas every Friday. Eff Ecks gave a sinister wave, imperatively evil, and disappeared into the Void.

“Welp,” said Death simply. “This sucks.” No one could agree more as the three started walking in the general direction where Eff Ecks had gone.




“This is stupid,” said Ran, kicking aside a pebble. “If this country was of the proud communistic Soviet Union, we wouldn’t have to hunt down this stupid maniac.”

“Could be worse,” said Death, shrugging. Zub looked on.

A WILD MILTANK APPEARED Zub thought suddenly. He looked around wildly, to find no such Pokémon. He had no beef. Zub was beefless.

Death paused and listened. “I hear meat!” he yelled victoriously. Zub signaled for him to back down, as he tensed and prepared himself.

There was a flash of pink, and Zub was gone.

“What the-“ Death said.

“Rogue cow! LEVEL 10 COW ALERT!”

“Not just any cow… the cow that has caused so many players grief. It’s a Miltank!” cried out Death, tearing up with nostalgia at his painful memories back in 2000.

“IT’S WORSE!” Ran gasped in horror. “A LEVEL 10 MILTANK ALERT!”

“Pray tell,” Death muttered thoughtfully, “Is there such thing as anything under a level ten alert?”

“Nope.”

“Why, exactly?”

“Makes it more dramatic,” Ran said simply and carried on walking, leaving Death to catch up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub gripped the fat creature’s horns wildly as it sped through the forest, weaving nimbly through the leaves as though it weren’t the two hundred pound meatbrick it was.

That is to say, Zub was hanging on for dear life.

Palms sweaty with nervousness at the thought that even the slightest turn could throw him off, G-force in his face, Zub was not a happy hero.

Which isn’t to say he was a hero; he hadn’t done anything heroic, ever. Well, not intentionally, anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miltank hated life at that moment. Here she was, minding her own business, when she decided to start running insanely fast. She never thought a mud-child was going to hitch a ride.

Not that he was a nuisance; he really wasn’t. He was just so… sweaty. It was gross.

Narrowly dodging another tree, she crashed through a variety of Shroomish lying around, which poured spores over her. Luckily, her cargo seemed to take most of the spores for her.

To her horror, she found her passenger nearly unconscious upon her back. At least it wasn’t dead, not yet; having a dead mud-child on her back would be so gross.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where am I? Zub thought in wonder.

Somewhere off in the distance a low chant rumbled over the hills of this blank Void.
“One Zub to rule Them all,
One Zub to find Them all,
One Zub to bind Them all
and in the darkness bind Them.”

After an intimate pause, Zub finally thought. Sounds familiar.

“You are in a drug induced coma, my dear. And I am your spirit guide, Nob, karate Master."

Didn’t you already die?

“Didn’t you?” he asked with a wink. Zub winked back.

“Oh crap, you’re about to die.” said Nob, glancing at his watch. “So, uh, since I forgot what I was supposed to tell you, you better get out into the real world.” A sudden flash, and the Void was gone. All that remained was Zub riding a fat cow about to ram into a tree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“This is stupid,” said Ran again. “Why do I have to interrupt the scene when I contribute nothing?" Death shrugged.

“THESE THREE LINES WERE A WASTE OF YOUR TIME” roared Ran.

“Three?” asked Death, confused. But I tho-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub jumped off the rampaging bovine just as it rammed full force into the tree. Taking out his single Pokéball, he prepared to aim it when the Miltank whipped around and whipped him fiercely with her tail.

“MOO!” it roared in as ferocious of a manner as a cow can muster as it charged him once more.

It is most appropriate to here tell a story that is *entirely* relevant to the topic at hand.

A long time ago, there was a boy. No ordinary boy, either; he was a nerd. A jerk, too; a real kneebiter.

Now one day a group of rival jerks decided to be a jerk.

“Go away,” they said, which made the boy cry.

He was then rammed in the stomach by a two hundred pound cow that had decided to rampage.

Now, imagine that same feeling of being rammed by a two hundred pound cow while being recently drugged, disorientated, mute, and alive.

That pretty much summed up Zub’s day for him.

Hearing a rib snap, Zub looked at the bloody mass that he vaguely identified as his body.

He officially hated cows now.

Scraping himself off the ground with a spatula he had many arguments among his parents about whether or not it was truly practical to carry around with him, he braced himself for another impact.

The Miltank was glad to oblige, but having no idea why it was rampaging to begin with, it was much less sure why it was ramming a Mud-Child.

Just because Zub braced himself did not make it hurt any less.

He heard more snapping, and he was pretty sure his foot couldn’t be backwards at the same time as behind his head.

Readying his Pokéball in one final, last-ditch effort, he hurled it lamely.

It snapped shut around the Miltank.

One wobble.

Two wobbles.

Zub dared get his hopes up.

Another shake…

The final required shake, and then…

The Pokéball snapped open, releasing Miltank to once again try to annihilate the Mud-Child.

Zub prepared to die, just as Ran burst in to the woods, died a few times, then shot the Miltank just before it hit Zub, veering it off course.

Zub got off the ground, half limped, half carried himself over to his previous Pokéball. Throwing it gingerly with his apparently nearly severed arm, it absorbed the Miltank.

One shake-a.

Two shake-as.

Three.

The final, and with an explosion of fanfare, confetti, and stars, the Pokéball announced that it had successfully caught a Pokémon.

Releasing his new Miltank from within, he gave it a quick look-see.

It was an average Miltank, if not slightly heavier. The only notable feature was its crossed eyes.

With a face of realization he quickly typed into the Pokéball. “The newly caught MILTANK will be named Derpy Moos!” the Pokéball announced.

“Sounds almost cruel,” Death said.

Missingno. Master
5th May 2012, 3:56 PM
“Eff Ecks?!” exclaimed Death incredulously. “Isn’t the fanfic a little young to be resorting to lame puns already?”
It's never too early for bad puns.



The fourth wall, however, remained unharmed as it was never there. It was lying dead at the bottom of a ditch in a Albuquerque landfill long before the story even began.
Well, at least this story's fourth wall is intact. The fourth wall for The Adventure of Adventureness series was crushed into a fine powder in chapter 1.



Death growled an ominous, dead growl. Typically speaking, dead things cannot growl, with the sole exception of the Third Graveller from Sol, which has been reportedly dead for thirteen years, despite growling at all who comes near it. This only made Death’s growl worse.
Which begs the question, is Death dead? Alive? Somewhere in between? And you misspelled Graveler.



Zub attempted to run to try to catch Eff Ecks, to no avail. Being an author granted not only flight, but also diplomatic immunity and sodas free sodas every Friday. Eff Ecks gave a sinister wave, imperatively evil, and disappeared into the Void.

“Welp,” said Death simply. “This sucks.”
Why, yes, Death. Yes, it does.



“Not just any cow… the cow that has caused so amny players grief. It’s a Miltank!” cried out Death, tearing up with nostalgia at his painful memories back in 2000.
The Miltank that- OH GOD NO THIS IS WORSE THAN THE MT. MOON FLASHBACKS! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!! ENEMY MILTANK USED ROLLOUT! ENEMY MILTANK USED STOMP! THEY FLINCHED! THEY ALL FLINCHED! THE HORROR!


The final, and with an explosion of fanfare, confetti, and stars, the Pokéball announced that it had successfully caught a Pokémon.
Zub caught a Miltank!


“The newly caught MILTANK will be named Derpy Moos!” the Pokéball announced.
Wow, and I thought I sucked at nicknames.

Zibdas
5th May 2012, 4:02 PM
It's never too early for bad puns.
Not in Death's opinion.


Well, at least this story's fourth wall is intact. The fourth wall for The Adventure of Adventureness series was crushed into a fine powder in chapter 1.
Intact, by the loosest definition of the word. I'm not sure how intact one can be if you're dead in a ditch.



Which begs the question, is Death dead? Alive? Somewhere in between? And you misspelled Graveler.
One can ask the same questions about anything. As for Graveler, it was intentional.
yeah that sounds reasonable let's stick with that



Why, yes, Death. Yes, it does.


The Miltank that- OH GOD NO THIS IS WORSE THAN THE MT. MOON FLASHBACKS! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!! ENEMY MILTANK USED ROLLOUT! ENEMY MILTANK USED STOMP! THEY FLINCHED! THEY ALL FLINCHED! THE HORROR!
G/S/C were the most painful games.



Zub caught a Miltank!
Doo doo doo da doo!



Wow, and I thought I sucked at nicknames.
Zub doesn't get the chance to speak much, or name anything for that matter, so he tries to *shine*! ...too bad he sucks at it though.

Zibdas
6th May 2012, 2:38 AM
Chapter 6:In Which Ran Takes Over the Story and Stuff Goes Down

Ran sat sullen by a campfire, many similar robots and humans gathering near him. He was preparing to tell a part of the story he swore he’d never tell, in the sixth installment. Clearing his vocal box, he prepared himself.

“And now,” he announced boldly, “The sixth installment of the first part of how communism saved the Earth.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub saluted proudly, emblem of communism branded proudly over all his clothes. “Communist Master Ran, I report for duty!” Derpy Moos, Zub’s loyal cow Pokémon stood at attention. Ran nodded and glanced over at Death, whose red robes blazed with exquisite finesse. Death merely grunted.

“We are in no shape to combat the capitalist dog they call Eff Ecks,” Ran said aggressively, turning sharply to his audience, each in turn. “We need to shape up our team. I believe we need to start with none other than our bovine friend.” He pointed at Derpy Moos. “Derpy, we need to train you in the sacred art of sheer annoyances and terror that only the most infamous Miltank have mastered… Kung Moo.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran paused in his, in his very Communistic opinion, epic story to note that one of the smallest human children was frantically waving his hand around.

“Yes?” he asked, lacking to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“Well, uh, so, did that really happen?” the child asked. “Because, uh, that’s a really lame pun. The second so far, I think.”

Ran said nothing, but instead walked over to the child. Scooping it up in his arms, he gently shoved it underneath the sofa it was previously standing on.

“Now then, where was I?” he asked pleasantly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kung Moo,” Ran repeated, in an excellent recap.

“So you’ve mentioned,” grumbled Death.

Ignoring the comment, the Commie-Bot continued. “We must do a montage to Eye of the Tiger in a classic Rocky format.”

“For your convenience, we have provided a link to listen to said soundtrack. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4&ob=av3e”

“How does one say a link?” Zub asked in sheer admiration.




this montage has been cut due to unprecedented and wholly nonexistent copyright claims. plus the Author is too lazy to come up with a good way to showcase the effect of a montage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait, what?!” exclaimed the child, having surfaced from the depths of the sofa.

“Hm?” asked Ran, still annoyed.

“Well, I mean, you do this whole buildup of a montage, you even provide a link! And you don’t even give us the montage?”

Again Ran said nothing. He instead punted the child far, far away.

“As I was saying… Fine. I’ll rectify it and give a series of moments from the Communistic Training.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Faster! Faster!” cried out Zub, waving many Soviet flags at once as Derpy attempted to climb an escalator heading down. This only distracted his Pokémon, who then tripped and smashed her beefy face into the ground, where it was then pummeled by stair after stair. “Uh,” said Zub.

The Miltank donned two boxing gloves, and was furiously punching at several thousand trash bags in the recycling center as the came around on suspended bolts. The Pokémon thought it had the system down, between punching at regular intervals. Noticing this, Death noted that it had to be more of a challenge, and increased the speed tenfold. The bags all crashed into Derpy, rendering it unconscious.

Ran fired shots at the Milk Cow Pokémon, forcing it to move quickly dodge and evade the onslaught. The Pokémon was doing fantabulously until Ran actually tried to aim, in which the Pokémon collapsed.




“Well, that failed,” said Ran miserably. No one could agree more.

And then, through the power of Communism, Miltank was trained in the art of Kung Moo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran cleared his throat once more and stood up, preparing to leave.

“Wait, that’s it?” asked the same kid, who apparently kept coming back. Ran hummed.

“Well, I suppose there was the moment when some guy Zub killed came back as a zombie, but that’s unimportant.”

“So, is this chapter over then? Usually they’re about two pages longer.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is why the future of the alternate universe sucks;

Ran sucks at storytelling.

And lives in his parent’s basement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death looked about him. “Well, what do we do now? The chapter isn’t done yet.”

Ran shrugged. “Well, we could always go in the general direction of Eff Ecks’ supposed base and hope a poorly contrived plot device gives us something to make this last half more interesting.”

That poorly contrived plot device came.

“Hey!” shouted Author. The Narrator apologized.

The three crossed over a hill to find a thrashed sign that seemed to proclaim “R -tb r _ City”. If that was bad, the sight below them was far worse.

It was once a proud, gleaming city filled with towering skyscrapers. It had a well-renowned Trainer’s Academy that was world famous. And here it was.

Slightly abandoned.

And on fire.

Also destroyed.

While still in the process of being destroyed. A mass of Pokémon, too distant to be identified, teamed up with a swarm of what appeared to be spheres, all devastating the town.

“Once again,” said Death woefully, “We just HAD to get a suckish plot device?”

The sound of distant explosions rocked the hill they were standing on. They watched in helplessness as the city and surrounding landmasses were ravaged.

As part of his disease, Zub, of course, had to rush into the fray like an idiot.

His friends, like the idiots they are, followed him.

Missingno. Master
6th May 2012, 2:59 AM
Chapter 6:In Which Ran Takes Over the Story and Stuff Goes Down
Oh, boy.


He pointed at Derpy Moos. “Derpy, we need to train you in the sacred art of sheer annoyances and terror that only the most infamous Miltank have mastered… Kung Moo.”
Does Kung Moo, by any chance, involve gratuitous usage of Attract, Milk Drink, Stomp, and Rollout- OH GOD THE FLASHBACKS AGAIN! ROLLOUT! MILK DRINK! STOMP! SO... MUCH... FLINCHING!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Ran paused in his, in his very Communistic opinion, epic story to note that one of the smallest human children was frantically waving his hand around.

“Yes?” he asked, lacking to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“Well, uh, so, did that really happen?” the child asked. “Because, uh, that’s a really lame pun. The second so far, I think.”

Ran said nothing, but instead walked over to the child. Scooping it up in his arms, he gently shoved it underneath the sofa it was previously standing on.

“Now then, where was I?” he asked pleasantly.
I'm starting to like Ran.


“For your convenience, we have provided a link to listen to said soundtrack. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4&ob=av3e”
Convenient indeed.


“How does one say a link?” Zub asked in sheer admiration.
Probably by sounding it out; h-t-t-p colon slash slash w-w-w dot youtube dot com slash watch question mark v equals b-t-P-J-P-F-n-e-s-V-4 and o-b equals a-v-3-e.


this montage has been cut due to unprecedented and wholly nonexistent copyright claims. plus the Author is too lazy to come up with a god way to showcase the effect of a montage.
Well, at least you're honest about it.



“So, is this chapter over then? Usually they’re about two pages longer.”
That line took me back to some of the later chapters of The Adventure of Adventureness.


This is why the future of the alternate universe sucks;

Ran sucks at storytelling.
That he does. That he does.


The three crossed over a hill to find a thrashed sign that seemed to proclaim “R -tb r _ City”. If that was bad, the sight below them was far worse.

It was once a proud, gleaming city filled with towering skyscrapers. It had a well-renowned Trainer’s Academy that was world famous. And here it was.

Slightly abandoned.

And on fire.

Also destroyed.
So Rustboro City is on fire, destroyed, and only slightly abandoned? That doesn't sound too good.


While still in the process of being destroyed. A mass of Pokémon, too distant to be identified, teamed up with a swarm of what appeared to be spheres, all devastating the town.
So we got some unidentified Pokémon and a bunch of either Voltorb or Electrode devastating Rustboro City.

Nice chapter. Short, yes, but eventful and funny.

PhantomDragon
6th May 2012, 1:10 PM
The fourth wall, however, remained unharmed as it was never there. It was lying dead at the bottom of a ditch in a Albuquerque landfill long before the story even began.

That...is a pretty good way of getting the fourth wall out of the way.


Being an author granted not only flight, but also diplomatic immunity and free sodas

the cow that has caused so many players grief.

as though it weren’t the two hundred pound meatbrick it was.”

“Why do I have to interrupt the scene when I contribute nothing?

“Three?” asked Death, confused."But I tho-

A jerk, too; a real kneebiter.

Just because Zub braced himself did not make it hurt any less.

Zibdas
6th May 2012, 5:27 PM
To end this weekend's storm of chapters, i present to thee...
Chapter 7: Return of the Non-Collateral Fruit Basket

Eff Ecks stood over a balcony of a tiny, undefined blimp lingering over the remains of a city beneath him. Far below, he saw three figures running to the remains. He chuckled.

“How shall they help, I wonder?” he mused to himself. “All my troops are using their Pokémon for top marks.”

He turned to a small mechanical orb floating beside him. It was made of two hemispheres conjoined by a short cylinder slightly thinner than the other two sides. A propeller protruded from its back, enabling it to fly. A red, glowing eye was the only blemish on its surface.

It was truly a marvel of science. There were thousands, probably more, down far below him, but they were battle hardened with many a scratch and most used jet propulsion. Aside from the multitude of weapons stored away on the ones below, they were nearly identical.

Turning to his commandant drone, he decided to propose a question. “How do you think they’ll fare? I give them about five minutes. Regardless, set all Them to attacking them.” The commandant gave what seemed to be a sharp nod and hovered just off the balcony. Unable to endure the cold for much longer, he walked back into his chambers.

There was an assortment of broken drones lying around. He had been ordered to scrap them, but so far as he was concerned that was unnecessary. Surely, it would be a waste.

Thinking back to his first day here, how he marveled at these, he had fallen in love with the job. These machines, these drones, were half Pokéball, and half soul. When They died, their souls were left to linger about. Someone finally put this to use by combining it with a Pokéball, which effectively poisoned the Pokémon’s mind, giving complete control to said spirit. A risky business, but a great one.

His thoughts were soon interrupted, however, as a thunderous crash came from outside. The commandant drone was nowhere to be seen. Another quake shook the blimp.

Then another blimp came shooting through his, where it parked.

A man in a sharp white suit, topped with a matching white fedora with green jewel, stepped off the ship. Curly hair hidden beyond his hat, he gave a gleeful smirk.

“My name’s Rick. I see you’re having yourself a little adventure here,” he said, teeth shining unwholesomely. “What a shame I have to stop that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The three ran as fast as their heroic legs could take them as Pokémon, as well as their carnage, came into view more closely. As they passed through the outskirts of the city, many Pokémon they could care less to remember their names passed by. A rhinoceros made of earth. A bell of Psychic ingenuity. Those crappy shiny Graveler. All spooky, though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.

They still had no idea where they were trying to go, or why, much less what they were going to do once they got there, but Zub’s Clichedprotaganitis prevented them from using common sense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How do you suppose,” sneered Eff Ecks, “I should kill you then?” Priming a Pokball behind his back, he instantly thought through several thousand directions this battle could go. Being not the True Author, but rather merely an FX guy, he was limited to his control over this battle. He could, however, make attacks hurt more with vividness, he supposed. He now had a plan.

But his plan didn’t prepare him for Rick’s next action.

Using a pile of discarded springs for momentum, he made an enormous leap…. right into Eff Ecks’ chest.

Think back to Chapter 6, where the thought of having a bovine crash into you was proposed.

Now think of having an adult male, weighing in just under that amount, using all the forces of momentum and G-force to crash into you, a defenseless human.

That would hurt too, as Eff Ecks would say upon being asked.

Eff Ecks was running out of options. All his thoughts were lost in a flurry of pain and emotion. Then he remembered his coup de grace, his trump card.

Each commander and admin of Their Army was entrusted with a single sacred Pokémon that would be carried by their commandant that suited their personality. Though it hadn’t made much sense at the time, he now knew why he was given what he was. Finding his commandant lying on the floor, he picked it up and hurled it at the ground.

It was beautiful.

A hulking behemoth of iron spawned in a flash of red. Its smooth, perfect, armoured flesh was only marked by six red dots in a strategic pattern. All of its limbs were coated in an extra coating of shiny, pure iron.

Registeel was awakened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub and crew ran hard. They were almost at the heart of the ruined city now. Many of the spheres had flown off by now, taking a multitude of Pokémon with them. People were beginning to leave the safety of their homes. It was only then when horror truly entered their hearts.

A large serpentine, emerald-coloured dragon occupied much of the sky. Its brilliant green scales reflected the light in a multitude of colours, giving its appearance bathed in a rainbow of fury.

“Mr. Mm,” muttered Death, “If you can hear me, this is not that anticlimactic dragon. This is something else entirely, therefore not counting.”

It was then that the Pokémon dived and Zub slipped into a coma.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait, what?” asked Zub. “I just randomly fall into a coma? That seems more of a contrived plot device then stumbling onto a ruined city.”

“Hey!” the Author shouted, materializing next to him. “You made me feel sad.”

He was wearing a purple and blue bodysuit, and while looking rather fresh and sheen it still emanated pure power. His blue eyes seemed incredibly perceptive, as though nothing could hide from them. Wild auburn hair topped off his appearance.

“Erngh, where’s that Nob? He was supposed to tell you something useful.” The Author shook his head. “Anyway, I’m the Author, and my assistant Rock Rickrick, has gone in search of Nob.” Shaking his head once more, he finally decided on something. “I suppose I have to tell you it myself. But first…. Cliffhanger!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The metal monstrosity charged at the suited avenger, who nimbly leapt away to a small overhang overlooking the area. Smiling with sheer joy, he leapt off to face off his hulking opponent. Picking up a chair, he swung with all his might straight at the golem’s face…

Only to no avail. Dismayed, he did a backflip as the titan swung at his face.

SHOCK WAVE INITIALIZING, Registeel said with a short hum. INITIALIZATION COMPLETE. A wave of electrical current spread throughout the air, of which Rick was only to barely avoid. Good thing his suit was made of plastic.

Gritting his teeth, he drew a broadsword and attempted to rush his opponent. The golem, however, realized what he was doing and swung at just the right moment to parry and throw him to the ground.

“If you had underwear,” Rick said angrily, scooping himself off the ground, “And a butt, I’d pull your underwear… right up your butt.” Registeel, ignoring the comment, slowly marched towards him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You,” said the Author dramtically, “are the-“ he was soon interrupted by a lanky man with a top hat, who marched in.

“No such luck, sir.”

“Are you kidding me? That lazy slouch as been gone all week!”

“A week hasn’t passed since his last appearance, sir.”

“You sure?”

“Can we just get on with it?” groaned Zub.

“Nope,” said both of the two Authors simultaneously.

“Well, will you at least tell me what’s so important?” asked Zub grumpily.

“Oh, right. Well, the moment’s gone…” The Author sighed. “Fine. You are a Dragon Warrior, a race of people with Clichedprotaganitis that are good with dragons and blah blah blah.”

“Oh, and sir…” Rick muttered unhappily.

Yes?”

“There’s been a plot hole found.”

“Gasp!”

“Yup, You know what that means, right?”

Ignoring that, the Author turned to Zub. “It appears someone has breached the plot, and I’m afraid I know who it is. He just would never leave me alone after I rejected him as a character.” The Author shook his head sadly. “Now go, before you become mincemeat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub reappeared in the real world as all drama was lifted away. Somewhere, a boombox blasted loud cha-cha music. “Oh no,” groaned Death.

Rayquaza rushed ever closer.

So did the music.

As did Rayquaza’s rider, a man in a zest yellow disco suit with an overbearing wig designed to look almost like a Pokéball.

“Oh no,” agreed Ran.

Missingno. Master
7th May 2012, 4:29 AM
A rhinoceros made of earth.
OK, that's either Rhyhorn, Rhydon, or Rhyperior.


A bell of Psychic ingenuity.
Chimecho.


Those crappy shiny Graveler.
Grav- oh wait you said it.


They still had no idea where they were trying to go, or why, much elss what they were going to do once they got there, but Zub’s Clichedprotaganitis prevented them from using common sense.
I would not want to contract Clichedprotaganitis.


Think back to Chapter 6, where the thought of having a bovine crash into you was proposed.

Now think of having an adult male, weighing in just under that amount, using all the forces of momentum and G-force to crash into you, a defenseless human.
Ouch.


Each commander and admin of Their Army was entrusted with a single sacred Pokémon that would be carried by their commandant that suited their personality. Though it hadn’t made much sense at the time, he now knew why he was given what he was. Finding his commandant lying on the floor, he picked it up and hurled it at the ground.

It was beautiful.

A hulking behemoth of iron spawned in a flash of red. Its smooth, perfect, armoured flesh was only marked by six red dots in a strategic pattern. All of its limbs were coated in an extra coating of shiny, pure iron.

Registeel was awakened.
Oh, boy.


“If you had underwear,” Rick said angrily, scooping himself off the ground, “And a butt, I’d pull your underwear… right up your butt.” Registeel, ignoring the comment, slowly marched towards him.
Snappy remarks aren't Rick's strong suit, are they?


Zub reappeared in the real world as all drama was lifted away. Somewhere, a boombox blasted loud cha-cha music. “Oh no,” groaned Death.
Yes.


As did Rayquaza’s rider, a man in a zest yellow disco suit
Yes!


with an overbearing wig designed to look almost like a Pokéball.
;272; ;272; YES!!! ;272; ;272;

Good chapter, though I'm sure the next one is going to be tens of thousands of times better.

Zibdas
9th May 2012, 6:27 AM
Chapter 8: The Curious Case of Mirorenza Bartholomew

Ran watched in muted horror as he watched the zestily dressed tall man leap off the emerald-shaded dragon.

Death watched in muted horror as said man turned off his boom box and gave a smile of teeth shining pure white.

Zub watched in confusion as the man hummed his own apparent theme song and broke out into dance with another smile.

The trio watched in mixed emotions as he did an odd swaying of hips that made his torso go around vertically, like a clock. When his enormous afro touched the dragon Rayquaza, it disappeared in a flash of red light. His afro shook three times before spraying out an array of stars.

“No way,” inhaled Death, “His afro is a built in Master Ball?!”

With a mock salute, Miror B flashed another smile. Just in case, he brought another one, followed by another in case his point wasn’t made ambiguously clear.

“Ladies, Gentlemen, … and Death,” he said with a slight nod to the crowd. “Your party has arrived!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick, meanwhile, was having less of a party then he was used to. He had hummed himself an adventuring tune, and thought it was a good one. “DUN-DUN-DUN-DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DUN-DUN-PLAYING BY OUR OWN RUUULES DUN-NA-DUN-DUN FIGHTING GOLEMS OF METAAAAAL DUN-DUN-DA-DUN-NA”

It was really good when conveyed into musical format. However, due to the excess budget used up on wicked ice cream socials, we do not have time nor money to give the readers proper enjoyment and full entertainment.

Rick hurled his fourth chair against the monster’s shiny body. For the fourth time, it bounced off. Somewhere he heard the hum of… something.

He looked at the mechanical behemoth hulking towards him, swinging arms with rage. Cold, calculating eyes-spots pierced through him.

That wasn’t it.

Something hummed again.

He looked over at Eff Ecks, triumphantly shouting unintelligible commands at the golem.

That wasn’t it either.

Something hummed once more.

It grew steadily louder as what appeared to be the hull of a rather large pirate ship crashed through the blimp’s hole.

That, guessed Rick, is probably it.

“Sorry!” called out the Author from the Crow’s Nest, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “We’ve had a bit of a breach in the plotline, and Rick and I are having trouble making it nonexistent.”

Rick Rickrick, donning a complete pirate captain’s garb, appeared from behind the wheel. “I think we’re making it worse, too, sir.”

“Sh! They’re not supposed to know about that!” hissed the Author, a faint touch of colour tapping his face.

“I mean, uh, just kidding!” shouted Rick Rickrick unhelpfully.

“So you’ve lost control of the storyline?!’ roared Rick, the adventurer.

“Momentarily, yes. By the way, your blimp seems to be falling at a speed of….” He paused and licked his lips. “Three hundred millimeters a third of a second,” he noted to Eff Ecks, who had been strangely quiet the whole time.

“Well, sh-“

“CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED THINK OF THE KIDS, MATE!” yelled a stove who had been inconspicuously following Eff Ecks ever since the plot was torn open.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

While you were distracted with pirate ships and stalker ovens, you, my dear reader, have seemed to miss quite a bit of fun.

Zub, Derpy Moos, and Ran lay piled in a heap, barely conscious, Death sulking in a corner.

“Hur-RAH!’ yelled Miror B., “For off-screen takeovers!”

He triumphantly strutted over to the pile of his now half-dead enemies. “Tsk, tsk. You’ve met a terrible fate, haven’t you?” he laughed maniacally, realizing he quoted nightmare fuel. “T-tropes will hate me for all these references,” he tutted to himself.

“Woth you heap ‘o’ failsacks out of the way, I shall just have to… uh, do something.” He thought, confused, to himself for a moment on what he would do. Nothing came to him. “Ah well,” he sighed, as a long pole extended out of the top of his afro. Two helicopter rotor blades began to poke out of it, when the whole thing began to spin.

“I bid you farewell,” he said airily (bad pun bad pun get it out auuugh) as he slowly rose into the air, guffawing with still a vicious dance cycle.

Flying through the air, a thought came to him. “This author sucks,” he said, an evil scheme formulating in his massive afro.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Rick, Rick, the Author, and a very perturbed golem and master combo were combating an army of ninjas.

“Why, oh why,” moaned Eff Ecks, “Does this story have to be clichéd even after the main character is defeated?”

The army of ninjas fought fiercely, but they were quickly disintegrated faster than a paper in the middle of a meat grinder on fire. However, there were still an overwhelming horde of ninjas left.

“This sucks,” said the Author. “Hey! That should be the story’s catchphrase, since it’s not only apparently accurate but quoted so many times as well!” A live studio audience laughed to a rimshot. The Author bowed in gratitude before being sucked back into the fray.

Then, everything as they knew it exploded.

Quite literally this time.

To a metaphorical degree that’s literally metaphorical.

It creates quite the watermelon, aye?

Okay, what the author is trying to poorly convey is that the entirety of a blimp, an airship, a pirate ship, a metal golem, some people, a horde of ninjas, and a putted fern all exploded upon making contact.

With the heroes.

“Oh SNAP!” yelled out Miror B. with a slight wave over his shoulder. This was quite the fun day for him. First, he actually managed to break into the story. Then he caught a shiny snake thing. He also apparently killed three of the Authors Five and the three maincharacters, an-

He stopped.

He killed, apparently, three authors.

This meant there were three positions open.

Grinning evilly, he realized this sent his plans into fruition much earlier than anticipated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dead for the second time, are we?” asked Karate Guy Nob aimlessly as he sharpened his fingernails with a battle axe with only a dismissive glance to his new dead friend.

“Apparently,” groaned Zub, aching all over. He stretched tentatively, realized nothing was broken, then resumed stretching with more vigor. It did nothing contributive.

“Well, looks like you’re stuck here until another stupid plot device co- oh, speak of the devil,” he muttered as Death burst into the room of nothing.

“Zub, my living friend now deceased! How you holding up?” he asked, apparently aware of Zub’s sores. He nodded apprehensively, looking Zub over critically. “You’re sort of beat up,” he noted.

“Well, gee, I’m only dead!”

“We can fix that. Right now we just need to fix that-” he said, gesturing absently towards a large, evil looking vortex. “And save the authors.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Don’t worry, it won’t be. You see, authors don’t die; it’s a rule of thumb that they respawn somewhere else. We just have to track them down…”

“Sure, not like I got anything better to do anyway,” muttered Zub.

“…and defeat Them and Miror B. Also, save the world, of course… but I suppose that’s a given?”

“Might as well be,” groaned Zub as he prepared himself. “All right. Let’s go grab Ran and skedaddle out of deadness.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking critically at the two replicas he had created, Miror B realized something was wrong.

He multiplied them by fifty each.

That solved that problem, he thought.

The original two began to stir. They looked and acted like his original incompetent minions, which, he supposed, was a mixed blessing.

“So, anyway, Miror B was all, ’Hey look at my afro there’s a chipmunk in it’ and I’m all ‘No way brah that’s pretty sweet’ and he goes ’Yeah an-‘” Trudley began until he was cut off by the sudden realization that a) he was not in the Choo-Choo Diner where he last was and b)his employer was right next to him.

“Miror B.!” cried out Folly happily. “Before we begin, I have a question…”

“Yes?”

“What does Miror B. mean?”

“Well, actually,” he admitted, embarrassed. It’s short … something, but Miror B. looks and sounds like Mirror Ball, so it’s all cool." He watched as his minion’s jaws dropped. Looking them over severely, it was interesting to note how little they had changed.

Trudley wore his iconic beanie with two oddly placed hemispheres protruding from it, almost as if to mimic midget, fat bunny ears. Green, messy hair poked out from underneath, and copper goggles protected his eyes from view and a vibrant orange vest covered a blue sweater.

Folly had a pair of luminescent blue goggles on, and spiky fiery hair that jutted out of his head. He too wore a blue sweater, though the sleeves had long since been torn off. The two made quite an interesting sight, but no more so than fifty of each.

Miror B. flashed an infamous smile at his army. It filled his heart with rainbows.

Now all he needed was something to do with them.

“Sir,’ asked a Folly in the back. “What should we do?”

“Uh,” he said wisely. “Um. Well.”

His afro shook, and then a disco ball rotating on a long stick came out of the centre.

“Dance, of course!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

Suddenly Zub had the most inexplicable thought to dance. He tried to ignore it, but it bested him and he started doing the worm. Glancing over he caught Death doing the Sprinkler and Ran the Robot.

“What’s happening?!” screamed Ran, mechanically moving.

“Well,” said Death simply. “The author’s an idiot.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

Somewhere, somehow, amongst his amazing dance party, Miror B. felt a disturbance.

Someone…. Someone had insulted his choice to dance. His shades began drooping into a more mischievous glare as the ends burst into flames. His suit slowly but surely devanced into a purple, open-chested type suite that seemed much more evil.

He was, officially, angry.

He thought it was about time to test his true powers, but then he felt another disturbance.

A much worse one.

This disturbance seemed to slap him in the face, to spit right in his eye. It laughed and then suck a horribly off-key song and danced on the wrong notes to the song.

He realized what it was, and loathed it.

Surely it had followed him, though he thought he escaped it long ago. But this… was terrible.

Something had to be done.

“Minions!” roared Miror B., still dancing. “Execute Order sixty-s- I mean, Mirakle Extermination!”

PhantomDragon
16th May 2012, 6:31 PM
I'm really sorry I haven't been reviewing this for a while, my exams have just started so I was getting caught up in revision. ;_; If I get behind with chapters again, sorry and I'll catch up when I have a bit less revision to do.

I really enjoyed the last three chapters, but I'll just do grammar/typo corrections for now. YAY MIROR B!!




you should probably die and stay dead “
You missed the full stop.


“Well,” said Death simply.


though it weren’t the two hundred pound meatbrick it was."

Misplaced speech marks.


“Why do I have to interrupt the scene when I contribute nothing?" Death shrugged.



asked Death, confused. But I tho-
Missed speech marks there.


Scraping himself off the ground with a spatula he had had many arguments among his parents about


Zub prepared to die, just as Ran burst in the woods,
I'm not sure what you were trying to say here.





Ran sat sullen by a campfire


the Author is too lazy to come up with a good way


you even provide a link! And you don’t even give us the montage?"


The Pokémon thought it had the system down





Eff Ecks stood over a balcony


three figures running to the remains. He chuckled.



“All my troops are uing their Pokémon for top marks.”

I think this is supposed to be using. However, it may also be sueing.


It was made of two hemispheres


as fast as their heroic legs could take them as Pokémon


they were trying to go, or why, much less what they were going to do


Dismayed, he did a backflip as the titan swung at his face.

As this isn't capitalized, I assume you're not telling us that Registeel chucked the Titanic at him. Although I wouldn't put it past you. :)

Good thing his suit was made of plastic.






The trio watched in mixed emotions


Cold, calculating eyes pierced through him.

I thought Registeel only had spots....


“We’ve had a bit of a breach in the plotline


“I think we’re making it worse, too, sir.”




roared Rick, the adventurer


and a very perturbed golem and master combo


but they were quickly disintegrated


“Well, gee, I’m only dead!”


he said, gesturing absently towards a large, evil looking vortex


looks and sounds like Mirror Ball, so it’s all cool."


Now all he needed was something to do with them.




and he started doing the worm.


amongst his amazing dance party,

Zibdas
17th May 2012, 4:13 AM
Alright, thanks! I'll get to those when I'm not... uh, busy. Yes, let's go with that.

Chapter 9: Mirakle Worker

A carboard cut-out of an explosion stood there as a small wooden sign saying “BAM” was dangled in front of it on a fishing line.

The Author facepalmed. “What happened here?”

He looked through his hair. There were a few grizzly bears and some Mexican immigrants,

That wasn’t it.

He checked his underwear, and found a tagline rating them as M for nudity. Nothing out of the ordinary there.

He checked his body suit’s chest pocket. In it, the Animation Guy was siting quietly, bong in his lap.

That was it.

“Yo, animation guy!” he sighed with the absence of a response. “Annie May Shion! Annie!” he yelled like this for several minutes until finally Annie turned around.

“Hey broseph, the broster, broskillini, the big… banana!” he giggled himself quietly to sleep.

“Yeah, uh… What happened to the animation?!” roared the Author.

“I thought it would be better suited for better suited things…” Annie giggled to himself. “Suits,” he said philosophically before howling with laughter.

“So, you mean, you wasted our animation budget on drugs?!”

“Heh heh… ‘Drugs’ is ‘Fillymandellaforzealousfrancaistomanjalasgur d’, minus the ‘Fillymandellaforzealousfrancaistomanjala’,.. heh heh”

“Frustrated, the Author realized the fic had spent almost half a page on a completely irrelevant basis, which he knew was abd.

And then he realized he was supposed to be hidden away and barely alive after being reincarnated, so he resolved to let the matter drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elsewhere, a man in a flexible yellow body suit ran furiously. His white helmet and dazzling visor obscured his face as his scarf flew out behind him as he ran.

“It’s time to rightfully success!” he said, hoping that made sense even if you didn’t put to much thought to it.

Suddenly he found himself face to face with what seemed to be a skyscraper with a Pokéball shaped afro, and then he was in what seemed to be the topmost floor of said skyscraper.

“Come to success me, eh?” asked his once employer skeptically.

“Success you I have come,” confirmed the newcomer.

“Good.,” said Miror B. “Then I am justified.” With one last puzzled look, the newcomer flew out the window as though an invisible gale cannoned him out, where he then spontaneously combusted.

“Good,” clapping his hands together, Miror B turned around and flashed a smile. Now we can dance!”

This was not to be, as Mirakle B. crashed back through the window and unignited.

“This is more trippy than the time I fell asleep with my head stuck in a toilet and krpt flushing it,” recalled Miror B.

Doing a backflip back onto his hands, Mirakle B. readjusted his visor. “Ow,” he said wisely.

“You okay?”

“No.”

“Good,” said Miror B as the process repeated itself.

“…ow?” asked Mirakle B, not used to being lit on fire more than five times in a day. Having being lit on fire four times earlier from reasons irrelevant, this was quite the day for him.

“So uh,” asked Miror B, not used to using Author powers to kill someone who doesn’t die, “Now what?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death grinned. He wasn’t sure why, but he did.

Zub grinned. Since he cannot speak, we shall never know why.

Ran grinned as well, because the Head of Stalin had called him ‘red’ the night previously.

“You guys look stupid,” called out the Author, who then had a brick thrown at him because no one cared what he thought.

“Rick,” said Rick Rickrick.

“Why are we grinning as we walk down this dangerous mountain of where the Author is imprisoned?” asked Death suddenly. No one knew as they progressed forward.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick rubbed his head and stood up, rubble cascading around him. As a child, he had adored this city. Now it was little more than ash and ruins.

“I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.” It was only then that no pretty lady was around to hear him, much to his dismay.

Drawing out a grappling hook, he prepared to launch himself. But then he didn’t.

Realizing he wasn’t breathing, he looked down and noticed that a large metal hand was clutching his waste. Following the hand up the arm, to the shoulder, and to the body, six red dots glowered at him.

“Oh, come ON!” he yelled angrily, reaching for a makeshift weapon,. Finding none, he realized he had to resort to his grappling hook.

“Alright,” he grinned with an insane primal look in his eye. “Let’s play fun.” Taking a moment to prime, he launched the hook at a nearby building. Within a moment, he and his assailant were being rapidly yanked toward the source. Releasing at perfect timing, Registeel was flung off him into the rather odd steel wall.

“Oh no,” he muttered, beginning to run.

Behind him, Registeel had apparently absorbed the lot of the iron wall and fused himself into an even larger version of itself.

“REGISTEEL SMASH,” it electronically laughed.

“What a terrible impersonation,” Rick noted, having barely dodged another incoming attack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And then I was all, ‘Sharp bits welded onto… FLAT BITS!’” Miror B exclaimed as both he and Mirakle B fell into laughter.

“I don’t get it!” said Mirakle B, wiping away tears from the epiphany of laughter.

Miror B stopped laughing and straightened up. “Neither do I,” he said.

“So uh,” Mirakle B said. “I’m supposed to try to usurp you?”

“Apparently. You want to end my ‘reign of terror’ and become an author, yes?”

“Author? You mean you write books?”

“Uh, no? Author of this fanfiction?’

“Fanfiction?”

Miror B facepalmed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick picked himself and stood wide-eyed at the massive golem standing far behind him, though quickly gaining ground. He knew he had to stop it, because without a trainer commanding it, it would most likely go on a rampage.

And that would interrupt his 5:30 Canasta recital. And that’s just messed up.

He looked around for some kind of leverage to stop the beast. He found one, realized it was stupid, and did it anyway.

Firing his trusty grappling hook at the top of a nearby skyscraper, with a sharp tug he brought it crashing down on top of the golem Pokémon.
Giving a sigh of relief, Rick rturned around and began the long walk home.

His mistake.

It was then that a large piece of skyscraper narrowly missed him by 3.14 inches, although irrelevant, it is an interesting coincidence that this created a large circle-based dimension the began to plight against all who wasn’t Rick, including themselves.

It was also then when he realized he had no hope.

Refusing to let that deter him, he ran straight for Registeel, allowing all six red eyes to glare emotionlessly at him.

It was a horrible sight, truly.

Buildings were beginning to light fire, explosions in the wake as Registeel recklessly hurled shrapnel and buildings across the area.

Recklessly.

Particularly for a large machine, recklessness was hardly a helpful attribute.

Rick officially had a plan.

Well, not so much of a plan, but a detailed outline of a plan.

Not so much of a detailed outline as a basic outline of a plan.



Okay, he had a basic concept, which, while not being terribly helpful, was still a terribly good thing to have, especially when you’re fighting a 200-foot tall robot that had been sealed away for its tremendous power.

Well, at least it’s not Regigigas. THEN we would have a problem. Rick thought merrily.

His merriness was slightly deterred by another strew about skyscraper. “What a magnificent city,” he said to himself, then laughed. “Looks like anything can go right to the Houndoom!” Using his grappling hook to access the roof of one of the rapidly decreasing number of skyscrapers left standing.

Turning to face his opponent, Rick realized something.

It wasn’t there.

“That went impeccably well!” he said, laughing to himself and walking while whistling a little ditty he made up.

Then Registeel slowly put its hand on its head, and Rick realized where it had gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So here we are,” whistled Ran. “Granite Cave.”

“So much for being across the ocean.” Death muttered as he transformed several Krabby’s arms into various flavours of churros.

“Plotholes that will be filled later, maybe. For now, we need to focus on saving Rick Rickrick, who has been reincarnated here.”

“Well,” said Death. “I HAVE been meaning to catch a Pokémon. Then I will name it Squishy and it will be my squishy.” Ignoring the disturbed stares of his teammates, he plunged into the darkness.

Right away Death used his powers to kill all the Zubats. Narrowly avoiding the large pile of corpses, they trudged onward through the dim light.

“I see… shiny!” Death exclaimed, running after the apparent shiny object. Ran and Zub followed close behind, determined not to lose him.

Running through the oppressive darkness, they encountered a groge. That would be problematic for all except Death, who merely walked across it as though it were solidified.

“Shucks.” said Ran miserably.

Death, on the other hand, was far too focused on the floating gems he had seen. Not only were they very nostalgiac for him, being one of his frist games, but he also adored the colour blue.

Holding up the ends of his robe so as to prevent them from getting holes or something, he chased after the creature, until finally the two were in a well-lit chamber at the back of the cave.

“Ping ping ping!” shouted Death hurriedly and the creature disappeared with a red flash into his stomach.


Opening his mouth with another flash of red, his Squishy was released back into the world. Taking out his gothic-themed Pokédex, he examined the creature.

SABLEYE, THE BEJEWELED POKMON. IT EATS JEWELS. IT ALSO HAS NO WEAKNESSES, MAKING IT AN EFFECTIVE FIGHTER.

Licking his lips, Death reabsorbed the Pokémon and turned around to come face-to-face with just about the prettiest mortal lady he’d ever seen.

“Hey there,” she said nonchalantly, priming a gun, a Pokéball, and a missile launcher at the same time. “Come die now.”

Missingno. Master
2nd June 2012, 4:02 PM
Licking his lips, Death reabsorbed the Pokémon and turned around to come face-to-face with just about the prettiest mortal lady he’d ever seen.

“Hey there,” she said nonchalantly, priming a gun, a Pokéball, and a missile launcher at the same time. “Come die now.”

She does realize this is Death she's talking to, right?

Zibdas
4th June 2012, 8:07 PM
Chapter 10: The Tenth Chapter
now in extended afro edition


“So… what did you say this was again?” asked Rick Rickrickrick nervously.

“A nun cage-fight with tanks,” explained the phantom simply.

“…And I can’t just, say, not watch?”

“If you do that we’ll have to call another author to replace you.”

“Hm…. which one?” Rick asked nonchalantly, trying to hide his terror.

“’Prolly Mr…. ah, Doubke-M, if memory serves.” Rick squeaked.

“Okay, I’ll watch…” he muttered. Once the shadow had left, he muttered, “Please get here soon, protagonists!”

This is an ideal time to take a break from reading, in your case, or writing, in mine, to explain a few things.

Properly known as Nun Witch Hunt Spectacular Smack-down-tacular Tanking Nun Duel to the Nun Death, nun cage-matches are an ancient sport typically used for torture, to prove how good your nuns are, or as a common college prank/bet.

The rules are simple; just have two nuns fight to the death, as their tanks, which are in this case giant robot nun avatars, do the second round during the first round. The final round consists of nuns actually controlling these tanks, provided the nun or the tank is still alive.

Due to this being a game of high sophistication played in the upper dimensions, the rules are constantly changed. There are three rules that remain untouched, however.
1. Do not talk about Nun Witch Hunt Spectacular Smack-down-tacular Tanking Nun Duel to the Nun Death
2. Do NOT talk about Nun Witch Hunt Spectacular Smack-down-tacular Tanking Nun Duel to the Nun Death
3. Consolation Prizes include death, old bananas, wharrgarbling lessons, death, consumption en masse, deaux ex machine, death, flabbergastion, and death.

Hence, one can find it rather easy to follow Rick’s distress.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Risck Schah, our friendly neighborhood adventurer, was also having a bit of a problem.

“Am I now?” he asked, confused.

He then looked behind him and noticed once more the hulking titan of machinery that was staring intently at him.

“Ah yes. We’ve been inactive so long I’d forgotten,” he laughed hollowly.

Warning! an unperceived plot point that is wholly irrelevant and shall not be explained for a long time is approaching. If this gives you nausea, queasiness, exploding diarrhea, loss of spines, mental injuries, transmutation, liquefaction, Aspirin, or any combination of the above, the following is not advised. Ask your doctor if this fic is right for you.

Registeel exploded, taking out much of the now-ruined Rustboro and surrounding areas out with it.

“Uh,” Rick asked.

Yes.

“Oh, okay.” Rick replied, still confused though now feeling much better at yhe premise of not having to combat a giant monster of machines.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ho hum,” Ashleigh said fitfully. “Go fish.”

Death beamed at her. “I told you, you can’t alwaaays cheat Death. That one time being the one exception.”

“Oh contraire,” she said, long, lanky arms reaching over the table to reveal that all the cards were Gyarados. “I win.”

“Darn tootin’,” whistled Death. “And if I may ask, who’s the sluggish beast over there? He reminds me of a Machamp mixed with a Primeape sans any intelligence… on steroids.”

“Oh, Rath? He was damned, so he traded his soul to be the most primitive, effective, adaptable wall of muscle known to meat. You can call him Rath or Rog; bot are abbreviated titles.”

“And his full name?”

“Rath of God. He was only allowed to live once his soul was gone to condemn us all one day. He’s absolutely ferocious, and only I control him,” Ashleigh smiled serenely, exposing her features that struck her even further as a small girl, eight perhaps at most. This was all just an illusion; in truth she was ageless, having cheated Death in a game of Connect-4-ur-Life, a favourite pastime of Death in which people can get their souls back if they’re dead or die if they’re not.

Regardless, this new man was a mystery to him. So far as he knew, he was the only non-author that could exchange soul. And he was tight with the authors; not literally, of course. This did not make sense. Not that anything else did, of course, but this was his domain to screw around with, not some half-meated filly-man.

“Oh, right. Almost forgot,” said Ashleigh absently. “We need to kill you.”

Rath leaped up and charged toward Death, fists waving with such terrible power it caused the cave they were in to tremble slightly. Upon making contact, Death was sent backwards, flying.

“Ow,” he said, shocked. Most things that would touch him would die, which is why he would never become a gardener, much to his mother’s complaints.

Raising itself from the ground, a small chair protruded, rather painfully from the looks of it, out of its right shoulder. The unnaturally buff human seemed undeterred as Ashleigh jumped onto it, riding it like some kind of equine.

“Oh fiddlesticks,” Death said in a huff as he began to run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub and Ran walked cheerily through the despairing cave.

“I’m still disappointed that you couldn’t catch your Beldum after the hiatus,” Ran said, bored. “That was most disappointing.”

Zub nodded.

“I mean really wh- AAAAAWHARRGARBL,” Ran cried after falling down a pit.

Zub nodded and followed.

Inside the pit, there was a horrible noise.

Also nun cage-matches.

“AiiiEEEEEEE!” shrieked Death as he ran past his cohorts, being followed by what appeared to Zub and Ran as a walking wall of flesh with a child controlling it.

They decided they would forget this little memory.

Stepping forward, it was a horrible site. One giant underground Colosseum, littered with various bones and robes, as well as half-dead nuns and tanks lying around. On the opposite side of the grandstands was Rick Rickrickrick, whom presumably could help them with finding the Author and ending this little myriad.

“CAN’T LET YOU DO THAT RAN ZUB, ” cried a familiar voice as a man in a swaying trench coat appeared before them.

“I cannot leave you too alone, always wandering around with each other… heh heh. But no more! I shall end you! Fufufufufu…” laughed Eff Ecks evilly.

“Why does he pronounce it like ‘eff-you-eff-you-eff-you’? Everyone knows it’s more of ‘foo-foo-foo-foo,’” Ran muttered as Zub prepared his Pokéballs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… how are we going to destroy each other? My Pokémon are dancing, and yours are on vacation,” muttered Miror B.

“Let’s play a game,” Mirakle B. said as mysteriously as though he were a wooden figure.

“How about… Afro Mousetrap? You roll your dice, you move your mice, nobody gets hurt.”

“You’re so on. I rock at this game.”

Mirakle scooped up the dice that had appeared before him and slipped it under his helmet into his afro. Having what would appear to an innocent bystander as a seizure, the die was catapulted out, landing of 24.

Mirakle B. moved forward twenty-four spaces on the simulated giant board, knowing that a wrong move could cost him his life, though the correct one could lend him the entire world at his palms.

Miror B. plopped the die confidently into his own afro, and did several rounds of the Macarena, where it shot out the speed of a bullet, landing on 37. Dancing triumphantly forward, his success was impeded as a bird cage fell over him.

“This certainly put a damper on the mood,” Miror B. said thoughtfully, still vaguely shaking his hips.

Once more, Mirakle B. rolled the die, this time landing just one space in front of his former master. Doing a little victory taunt, he handed the die over.

Depositing the die into his afro and shaking it around, it came out as 16. “Enough of this! Afro Ch-ch-ch-ch-chop-CHOPPER!” With that, a large chainsaw came out of his afro and roared to life, savagely obliterating the cage before withdrawing back to the confines of the afro. Miror B. walked onward as though nothing happened.

Mirakle B., on the other hand, was thoroughly shocked and accepted the die with his mouth gaping. Popping it into his hidden hair once more, he had a sneaky plan of his own. “Afro Meaga-Launch, go!” A small hatchway opened up on the tip of his helmet, where a large esteem of fire with accompanying fireworks came out, unprecedented. The die flew out with them, touching ground with a solid 50. He smirked.

Undaunted, Miror B. picked up the die and twirled it around his ingers as an afro grew over it. “Weeee!” he exclaimed jovially as he hurled it with astounding might at his opponent’s head.

“Ow!” yelled Mirakle B., glaring at his rival. The afro slowly fell off, revealing that it had been rolled just the right number for them to be on the same space. Dancing with glee, Miror B. marched over to this spot.

“Afro…. SHOWDOWN!” exclaimed a bodiless voice originating from seemingly no where. The board dissolved into a large coliseum. Somewhere above them, they could hear two people screaming in horror, and a Pokémon fight. Around them, nuns disappeared into thin air and large robots were swallowed up into the ether.

“It ends here,” said Miror B. slyly, drawing a Pokéball.

“Yee- haw.” Mirakle B., drawing his own Pokéballs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

“Metang, use Scary Face to cripple it!” yelled Ran for Zub, who was pumped up on more than just action.

“Meta yang!” cried out the robotic Pokemon, pulling off a horrible face that one would think impossible with no facial features. Instantly, the jittery bug Pokmon was slowed down to a much more manageable speed.

It worked fine, master, commented the Metang’s powerful psychic ability.

“AHhhhhhh!” screamed Death, running through the middle of the battle.

“Vibrava, refuse to be deterred! Use Earthquake!” shouted Eff Ecks.

The earth rumbled.

Metang stared blankly at his offender, floating on the spot.

In a moment of sheer epiphany, logic finally came forward.

“Excellent!” shouted Ran in his partner’s place. “Now use Psychic and finish it off!” The poor bug Pokémon was enveloped by a purplish, foggy glow. Suddenly, all its limbs convulsed with sheer agony before the entire creature was slammed into a wall, crippling the surrounding wall and rending the Vibrava unconscious.

“Darn tootin’” whistled Eff Ecks, visibly impressed, face flush with slight embarrassment to the thought of having lost to such a minor kid. He brushed a hair out of his way and scratched the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. Holstering another Pokéball, he did a small, wholly unnecessary victory taunt and threw the Pokéball.

Within an illustrious spark of red light, Eff Ecks’ third and currently final Pokémon came out.

“Yes, Woot! Finish them off!” the evil author cried wickedly.

The golden Magikarp flopped uselessly to one side.

At that moment, Eff Ecks’ poker face was one for the history books.

“I knew being a super noob wouldn’t help me…” he muttered inconsolably.

“Does that mean we win by default?” asked Ran.

“Karp karp?” asked Magikarp.

“Anyone intend to help me?!” cried out Death, still not giving up.

“No, yes, and no,” replied Eff Ecks after a moment of thought. “My Pokémon is still fully capable of fighting; watch this! Woot, use… uh… Splash!” In reply to this command, the golden fish flew up into the air.

It hummed with such an incomprehensible intensity Zub covered his ears in pain.

It shined with such brilliance Ran had to look away.

Death kept running.

It then began to appear as though it were everywhere at once, to which Eff Ecks had to huddle on the ground to avoid.

Suddenly, with a massive explosion of pure energy and light…

…Magikarp fell to the ground and flailed numbly. “Karp karp!” it said merrily.

That was rather anticlimactic, commented Metang telepathically.

Then Metang exploded, leaving no trace.

“Karp….? Karp karp! Karp!” cried out Magikarp, absolutely ecstatic with uncanny, oblivious happiness as it still had no idea what was going on.

Several moments later, Metang’s fainted body touched back down to earth at terminal velocity.

Zub made a rather constipated face and returned Metang back to the Pokéball it originated from. Expanding another one to full size, he threw it onto the battlefield, evaporating within a shower of sparks to reveal his beloved Derpy Moos.

Making a long scene of complex signs in ASL*, Zub commanded for Derpy to use its infamous Rollout attack. Obliging, the bovine Pokémon curled into a ball, slight rock crust forming around it, then charged full speed at the poor fish.

At the last second, Woot the Magikarp leaped into the air, then forced itself rather forcefully into Miltank, causing a great deal of damage to Zub’s Pokémon.

“Yeah! Woohoo! That’s MY fish, right there!” cried out Eff Ecks jubilantly.

Miltank, refusing to give up, plucked the fish from the ground, threw it back, then jumped on it several times.

Zub signed several synonyms for jubilant outcries through signing in sign language as congradulations. Or at least he did until Woot rose up from the rubble and flopped around again.

“Karp karp!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

“Audino, finish him! Use Last Resort!” shouted Miror B. with a skip in his step, as the boom box hidden deep within his afro blared out his popular (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVBEMqJvcns) theme ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvc0OizYs4c) as Mirakle B’s helmet gadgets played out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QywXbUQejw4]his ( [url) own[/url].

“Sudowoodo, use your ~groovy~ Rock Throw to counter it!” shouted Mirakle B. giddily with a sharp hip-sway.

As Miror B.’s Audino coated itself in a swirling drill of light and threw itself towards Sudowoodo, the feaux tree uprooted part of its body and hurled it at Audino. The two attacks collided and, for whatever reason, exploded.


“Didn’t think that happened in real life,” whistled Mirakle B.

“So glad I quit being a gym leader for this,” agreed Miror B.

Taking the chance of distraction, Audino renewed her attack and charged at Sudowoodo while it was watching the ice cream truck that inexplicably drove by.

“Cheap shot!” called out Mirakle B. “You planted that ice cream truck there, didn’t you?!”

“Maybe,” said Miror B. as hail the size of a minivan fell upon his (late) rival’s face.

“Somebody better get that reference,” he muttered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derpy punched Woot. He punched it again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

The point that we’re trying to get across here? This fish would not die.

“This fish won’t die!” cried out Eff Ecks maniacally.

:This fish won’t die….” muttered ran, astounded.

“Karp karp karp!” shouted the Magikarp itself, which translates roughly to ‘I had the most amazing burrito the other day…’ which is wholly irrelevant but still interesting to note.

Finally the Miltank took a hard enough punch to send the jumping carp backwards into the wall.

“Ow,” cried out Magikarp. “I mean, uh, karp?”

“yaykarp,” said Eff Ecks numbly.

“He can talk?” asked Ran. “Seems like everyone can talk but you, Zu- I mean… uh… where’d he go?!”

As everyone’s attention was sifted back to the fish embedded into the wall, they noticed it glowing, where it then floated away.

“I’ll be back,” it cried ominously. “Just you wait!”

~~~

*ASL stands for American Sign Language, the sign language that is used in the United States.

Missingno. Master
4th June 2012, 10:01 PM
“Audino, finish him! Use Last Resort!” shouted Miror B. with a skip in his step, as the boom box hidden deep within his afro blared out his popular (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVBEMqJvcns) theme ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvc0OizYs4c) as Mirakle B’s helmet gadgets played out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QywXbUQejw4]his ( [url) own[/url].

“Sudowoodo, use your ~groovy~ Rock Throw to counter it!” shouted Mirakle B. giddily with a sharp hip-sway.

As Miror B.’s Audino coated itself in a swirling drill of light and threw itself towards Sudowoodo, the feaux tree uprooted part of its body and hurled it at Audino. The two attacks collided and, for whatever reason, exploded.


“Didn’t think that happened in real life,” whistled Mirakle B.

“So glad I quit being a gym leader for this,” agreed Miror B.


I thought you didn't read The Adventure of Adventureness?

Z-nogyroP
8th June 2012, 1:33 AM
Hi there! I've been a closet reader to this for a while, and may I tell you, it's awesome. Seriously. It is just so random in the best way possible(like Zub meeting himself, or the random Miltank). I especially liked the Miltank one, because I did not actually have that problem because I had a female Lv. 28 Bayleef, who I did not cheat to get. Seriously. It evolved before I beat Falkner. So, yeah. I don't have any horrible encounters with Whitney. Or Miltank. Although Stomp almost ran me out of Super Potions. Well, anyways, awesome job, and keep it up! I'm surprised more people aren't responding to this.

Oh, and for the record. Eff Ecks. It is NEVER too early for cheesy puns.

Plus, no one knows this, and I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but I am a master of Kung Moo. No questions asked.

Zibdas
11th June 2012, 12:06 AM
Chapter 11: The Midget Prelude to the Next Chapter Which Won't Be As Short But Rather Long and Good, I Hope
Story Update time.

Miror B. and Mirakle B., two fabulous afro’d…. strike that, we have no idea what’s under Mirakle’s helmet. Regardless, they fought and Miror B. threw a minivan on his counterpart. Zub also freed one of the authors, defeating a mysterious passive-aggressive shiny Magikarp in the process. ‘Beating’ being the punchline here.

Having rescued Rick Rickrickrick, the Author’s assistant, Zub and his friends decided to goof off until they figure out where the Author is imprisoned.

“Hey guys I found out whe-“

“SHUT UP, MILHOUSE,” Ran said, making a horribly constipated face and writhing his arms around.

“Aren’t you supposed to be chased by a wall of flesh or something?” asked Rick, who had joined the party and was now relaxing on the beach they were sitting on. Nearby a town burned and citizens panicked. Zub was probably helping them, his stupid, inconvenient disease kicking in.

“No, they gave up after the thirty-seventh hour.”

“Pity.”

“Who’s up for a game of Mousetrap?” asked Ran. “You roll your di,-“

“We get it and we know,” said Rick, hiccupping up the faintest smell of beer. “The Author clearly doesn’t know how to play, as seen last chapter.”

“Then what should we do?” asked Death. “We still apparently have a filletr chapter to cover.”

“Maybe we should all let our Pokémon free to have wacky adventures? We could-“ implored Ran.

“No,” said Death. “It didn’t work for the anime, won’t work here.”

“Huh,” commented Ran thoughtfully. “We should have an intellectual conversation on politics to pass the time.”

~~~~~~~10 Minutes Later~~~~~~

“DEATH NO,” screamed Ran. “PUT DOWN THAT BLOWTORCH.”

Death, whom was running while lighting several tourists on the beach on fire, broke his own skeletal neck and turned it all the way around just to look at Ran. His eyes filled with pure fire, and as if just to be rather anticlimactic, he ran into a sign promoting watching where you’re going.

Ran glanced by and noticed another, extremely square sign. “Warning,” he read aloud. “’This sign has sharp edges. Do not touch them.’ That seems rather… ah, what’s the word? I’m in a state of lethologica here! Oh, and Death…. Stop lighting the tourists on fire.”

Death made a face and destroyed a part of Lesser Sevii. Serves them right for being in only one game.


Rick, meanwhile, was lounging mercilessly in Zub’s hair. Being an author’s assistant granted him two freedoms; Free soda on weekends and the ability to be able to shrink to the size that would comfortably fit him in a pickle jar. Don’t ask why the second one is helpful; it comes in handy more times than one would care to admit.

Using this to his advantage, Rick sat atop Zub’s crown and yanked wildly at the meat-sack’s hair.

“No more soda for you!” cried out Ran desperately.

Meanwhile Zub was doing what appeared to be cupping water in his hands to attempt to douse out the fire. Rick was no help.

“Ugh,” muttered Ran. “Why am I the only sane one right now?”

The truth of the matter is that Ran is powered by Communism. The more Communism there is, the more powerful and crazy he is. As this was a strictly Capitalistic island, he was seriously toned down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miror B. twirled his fingers into his afro and pulled out a bootleg copy of Pokémon Colosseum, his own first true appearance. After booting it up in his Nintendo AfroCube, he purposely caused Wes to jump down a cliff and die.

He giggled in merry delight.

After attempting this as many times as it took to score him a game over, he shut off the console and moaned in boredom.

Take over the world without anyone noticing? Check.

Take over the fic without anyone noticing? Check.

Have the most deliciously scrutinizing afro in all of existence? Major check.

He got up and strutted his way to another corner of the round room he currently presided in.

“I’m booooored!” he cried, reaching for the book that mysteriously appeared before him. He scrambled everything around, hoping for some fun.

“OBJECTION!” cried out a man with what appeared to be a hedgehog for hair, as he stepped in from the roof. “That was…. objectional!”

“Who are you?” he asked, bewildered.

“Non-specific Wholly-Original Stereotypical Lawyer-Man,” he said proudly, waving around a flower-shaped badge.

“Hold it!” pronounced a deeper, more refined voice as a man in a dapper suit with matching cravat broke in through the floor and landed on the wall. He then pointed at the lawyer, who pointed back.

“OBJECTION!” cried the lawyer.

“OBJECTION…. ER!” replied the newcomer, who seemed to be a prosecutor, smugly.

“OBJECTION TIMES INFINITY!” exclaimed the lawyer, jumping on a desk that appeared from nowhere.

“OBJECTION TIMES INFINITY…. PLUS ONE!” yelled the prosecutor.

“Mooommmmmy! Non-specific Wholly-Original Stereotypical Prosecutor Ma- I mean, THING-“

“Hey!” cried the prosecutor.

“Wait a second! OBEJECTION TIMES INFINITY… SQUARED!” called the lawyer triumphantly.

“Oh no!” cried the prosecutor in horror.

“I’m baaa~aack~” cried an unfortunately familiar voice.

“Oh bother…” muttered Miror B., smacking his face.

“I am what I is,” said Mirakle B. simply. “Who are these people?”

Miror B. waved around dejectedly. “Your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, how are you still alive? Not to be rude, but still….”

“Future me went back in time to stop present me, but past me foresaw this and went forward in time to sto future me from damagaing present me. So, I stopped myself from killing me and so I gave myself a lollipop but then I tried to kill myself again so I had to stop myself but then I came and helped me beat me to the point of death, where I escaped to here.”

“If Miror B. had been blowing a bubble gum bubble, it would have popped in confusion.

“Anyway, I had to promise myself not to almost die again, and to use my ultimate attack on you.”

“Which is…?”

“OBJECTIONABLE!” cried the prosecutor from across the room.

“OBJECTIONABLY OBJECTIONABLE!” came the reply.

Mirakle B. gripped his helmet firmly. “AFRO-AFRO SECRET AFRO ATTACK…. AFRO-AFRO AFRO REDEMTPION!” with the misleading battle cry, he removed his helmet, exposing a gigantic afro concealed in, patterned to look like a Master Ball.

Before he had any time to react, the afro suddenly began to rapidly expand, throwing him into the wall, and pressing him into it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Author appeared before Zub and his crew, of which Ran, in a fit of sheer rage, had tied them all together and deposited them on a pirate ship.

“…where did you even get a pirate ship, much less a kraken, I wonder?” mused the floating Author. Ran shrugged.

“It was just there.”

The Author snapped his fingers, and it all disappeared. Rick ran forward and leaped into the Author’s coat pocket.

“Seems like someone got bored,” he said, looking far away into the distance.

With another snap of his fingers, a luxury cruiser appeared before them. They all clambered in for no apparent reason.

“You have to get to the Miror Battleship,” he said anxiously. “I myself must go now and do random stuff, but you! You must go and stop Miror B.!”

“Sadface,” said Death mournfully.

Adding to even the Author’s amazement, the entire boat transformed into a large mechanical human enigma of a large robot.

“Happy day!” said Death, running to the pilot’s seat with a skip in his step.





Hi there! I've been a closet reader to this for a while, and may I tell you, it's awesome. Seriously. It is just so random in the best way possible(like Zub meeting himself, or the random Miltank). I especially liked the Miltank one, because I did not actually have that problem because I had a female Lv. 28 Bayleef, who I did not cheat to get. Seriously. It evolved before I beat Falkner. So, yeah. I don't have any horrible encounters with Whitney. Or Miltank. Although Stomp almost ran me out of Super Potions. Well, anyways, awesome job, and keep it up! I'm surprised more people aren't responding to this.

Oh, and for the record. Eff Ecks. It is NEVER too early for cheesy puns.

Plus, no one knows this, and I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but I am a master of Kung Moo. No questions asked.
Hurray, more reader!
And I'm used to low amounts of feedback; I can't seem to attract posts, in any of my fics, haha. ^.^;;

I thought you didn't read The Adventure of Adventureness?
Mwahaha.

Z-nogyroP
11th June 2012, 12:20 AM
“Maybe we should all let our Pokémon free to have wacky adventures? We could-“ implored Ran.

“No,” said Death. “It didn’t work for the anime, won’t work here.”

Poor fourth wall, dead in a ditch in Albaquerque. I'll be surprised if Bugs Bunny hasn't run in to it once or twice. I'll save you, fourth wall!

*accidentally drops an anvil that randomly appeared out of nowhere, that smashes fourth wall*

Oh... Uh... *whistles inconspicuously*

Oh, and hooray for lawyers yelling "OBJECTION!"

Zibdas
12th June 2012, 5:45 AM
Poor fourth wall, dead in a ditch in Albaquerque. I'll be surprised if Bugs Bunny hasn't run in to it once or twice. I'll save you, fourth wall!

*accidentally drops an anvil that randomly appeared out of nowhere, that smashes fourth wall*

Oh... Uh... *whistles inconspicuously*

Oh, and hooray for lawyers yelling "OBJECTION!"
Inconspicuously betitled so no lawsuits would suspect a thing.

Zibdas
18th June 2012, 9:39 PM
Chapter 12- The End to the First Miror B. Saga
THIS ONE'S LONGISH I SWEAR

“♫Communism, communism, weee!♪
♪Communist housing, communist… flower…uh…♫
♪♫Oh flower, commie flower, show your face, and I’ll… uh… sting you!♫♪”

Ran finished his song sadly. He realized that he wasn’t good at songwriting and frowned.

Seeing this, Death walked voer and decided to cheer him up. They couldn’t have a depressed member on their cruise-robot anyway; that would be stupid and a poor plothole.

“Why did Sally fall of the swing?” he asked, stifling a giggle.

“I don’t know, why?” asked Ran mopily.

“She had no arms!” Death and a nearby Derpy Moos broke into laughter. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Death decided to try again. “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?” mumbled Ran.

“NOT SALLY!” exploded Death as he, the Sableye he accidentally released, Derpy Moos, and Tango the Metang fell over in laughter.

Unsurprisingly unintelligent, but will hear again. 10/10 Metang intoned gleefully.

Ran was saddened still.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You can’t just throw me off the roboat for being sad by the lack of communism!” shouted Ran. Death sighed.

“I guess…” he mumbled, tossing Ran a life preserver. Leaving behind a trail of corpses in the ocean, Ran climbed in.

“I’m going to so kill you,” he muttered.

Death generically threw a hand in the air. “People keep saying that!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Any idea when we’re going to get out of this?” asked Mirr B. “We’ve only been here, oh I don’t know, FOUR DAYS!”

“Dawn of the new day,” came the muffled reply dreamily.

Insanely bored, Miror B. decided to make small talk after an unbearable passage of time had passed. “So, is this why you wear the helmet?”

“Mmhmm.”

“You know, I could beat it.”

“Oh?” Mirakle B. seemed genuinely curious.

“Yeah. I used to work in a resort, gorgeous, vegetation and wildlife everywhere, bustling cities… Then I used my Afro-Afro Inflation, decimated it all. It’s now a big desert…. small forest and mountain up north, and a canyon, but that’s it,” reminisced Miror B.

Mirakle B. whistled. “And that’s when I began creepily mirroring everything you did to follow in your footsteps and ultimately usurp your afroness.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

After another long pause, Miror B. had a brilliant idea. “Let’s team up!”

“What do you figure how-afro?” asked Mirakle B. confused.

“You’ll see. Mwahaha!”

“I’m in,” said Mirakle B.

“Alright, retract your afro and I’ll prepare the Miror Balbriggens whilst activating the Miror Belipotent!”

“Balbriggens? Belipotent?”

“Yes. Belipotent is to have military prowess, and it’s the name of my battleship. Balbriggens are a type of knitted cloth fabric that I love.”

“Why the Miror- prefix and the obscure B-words?”

“Goes with the motif my name creates, duh,” said Miror B. as Mirakle B’s afro slowly started deflating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub, as much as he hated to, had to note that all was going unsurprisingly well. This was unprecedented by the fact that he, as the titular character, tended to get good luck, but so far, nothing happened.

This highly concerned him.

That was when he heard an explosion in the lower decks, which put him to ease as it was normality by now. Then it occurred to him, “I heard an explosion in the lower decks.” It was only then that he realized he heard an explosion in the lower decks, which could only mean one thing;

An explosion in the lower decks.

An explosion in the lower decks was terrible news. An explosion was bad enough, but in the lower decks was… ‘low’, so to speak. An explosion in the lower decks meant another thing; something exploded in the lower decks. It was therefore that the explosion in the lower decks could actually mean two things; a) an explosion in the lower decks, or b), the more likely one, Ran and Death were involved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Tango and Derpy, who were sent to the lower decks to see what exploded in the lower decks to cause the explosion in the lower decks discovered, their master was very much correct. Death had summoned various Capitalists and made them explode.

Lying around in a dazed blossom of unconscious business men whose names shalt not be named for fear of copyrighting their names was Ran, who was giddily giggling inaudibly.

Is he going to be alright? pondered Tango, who was immediately concerned.

“He will now!” said Death, who was inexplicably stuck to the ceiling. Noticing that he was inexplicably stuck to the ceiling, he tried and failed to pry himself off, then burst into another giggling fit.

Tango and Derpy looked at each other and nodded. They were surrounded by idiots, to quote a certain lion they had never heard of in a movie they had never seen in a parallel universe they had never subjectively clarified to the point of substantial existence eyond the parameter of moral discontent and digital watches.

They joined in on the fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, how are things going, boss?” inquired Mirakle B., who was, despite protests, excited for this, even if it did mean sacrifices.

“Fan-TABULOUSLY!” exclaimed Miror B., who twirled around on the spot. “The Miror Battleship is almost fully prepared!”

“Almost? What’s preventing it from finishing it?”

“The hostages,” Miror B. said casually, waving in the vicinity of five characters tied up and dangling from the back wall in the control ship.

“Since when did we have hostages?!” exclaimed Mirakle B., who was thoroughly surprised. Miror B. waved off the question.

“They came with the place when I bought it,” he shrugged.

“And you find nothing wrong with this?”

“They seem to be fine with it.”

“Mmhmm,” agreed the very relaxed looking quintet; one appeared to be a post-modernism punk, complete with dyed Mohawk, leather vest, and shady smirk; another, a girl of a darker complexion with flowers in her hair, sported only a wrap and a lengthened skirt; the next was a blonde, in a gorgeous aqua blue dress; there was what appeared to be a sailor, but he was apparently indignant about being tied up and had his back to the rest. The final, a man with silver hair and dapper clothing, smiled brightly and attempted to wave to Mirakle B.

“Any idea who these people are?” whispered Mirakle B.

“Should I honestly care? All I know is they pay for the electricity, bring their own beer, have health benefits, and have a vintage collection of Paul Baribeau vinyl records.”

“Who?”

“Exactly.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub heard another explosion in the lower decks, which is really rather unfortunate as I hate typing “explosion in the lower decks” over and over again.

He tried to shrug it off, but after the fifth explosion in the lower decks he began to grow worrisome. Both Tango and Derpy had gone missing. Also Death and Ran might be in trouble but eh.

Zub kept steering, hoping for some new distraction, when a conveniently placed plot device in a dream came in knocked him out.

At least I can forget about the explosions in the lower decks, he thought merrily as he awoke to the world of his subconscious, of which he was now accustomed to.

Then life decided, “Hey. I thought we hated this guy. Why are we allowing him to get accustomed to something?!” and warped the dimension beyond all recognition. It became horribly dank, with bioluminescent gelatinous shapes embedded into the ‘walls’ being the only sources of illumination.

It was infinite darkness, everywhere. Except for the light, of course. To his shock, Zub realized he qualified for being part of the ‘light’. Also surprisingly, he realized he could talk.

“…whoa,” he said, something he never thought he would do. He took a deep breath.

“ohemgeethisissocoollikeijustwanttotalkforeversinc eicantyouknowthatjustmakesmesadnowtomuyimportantes tufflikehowdeathreallyshouldntbewearingskinnyjeans andhowranisannyinglydepressedandhowmirorbtotallyst olemylookandialmostforgot-“ he was ever so rudely interrupted.

“Shut. Up. Already!” cried another voice.

“Who are you?” said Zub extremely fast.

“Dubious. I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully. It was only then that Zub realized the newcomer looked impeccably like him, albeit wearing three ski jackets and a headlamp, not to even mention that he was covered in Christmas lights.

“I guess you could call this case rather Zubious!” crackled Zub as he realized instantaneously why Death liked making terrible jokes.

“Good idea,” the stranger pointed out. “Henceforth I shall go as Dr. Zubious.”

“That was sarcasm and a terrible pun,” pointed out Zub with melancholy. “After Eff Ecks, I’m just glad this one didn’t even try and top it.”

Dr. Zubious tensed. “Was that an explosion in the lower decks I hear?” he asked, grinning sinisterly.

Sure enough, another explosion exploded in the lower decks. Again.

“I should go,” mentioned Zub, making a series of complicated, empty hand gestures directing the general direction of darkness. Given that this was everywhere, it was rather complicated.

“Miksi pitää mennä? Emme ole koskaan nähneet toisiaan. Ollenkaan. Ever. Koska tämä on ensimmäinen kerta, kun tapasimme, se on melko lohdutonta, ei sanot?” asked Dr. Zubious, tearing up.

Surprisingly enough, Zub subconsciously understood him. “Así es como debe ser. Caray, que suena como una telenovela mi madre siempre vigilados.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon,” winked the doctor as he faded out of existence and Zub woke up.



Rushing to the lower decks to see what caused the explosion in the lower decks to explode in the lower decks, Zub found all his cohorts and Pokmon embedded into various parts of a room. In the center of the room, in a large bonfire, were the bodies of a great deal of many capitalists, who, as Zub recognized, were all victims of explosions.

He gave them a blank look.

They gave them a blank look.

The alarm that gave off an unbearably loud screech screeched blankly.

They blinked.

It was then that it occurred to them to do something about the alarm.

“Hey,” said Death. “Wanna splode Capitalists with us?”

Zub agreed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And then there was the time me and the Space Pirates defeated the SPACE TENTAFOOL with our lasers! It was all PEW PEW and YIP YIP and then everything went BLAMMO and I was all WHOOOOOOA and then I-“

“Mirakle!” called Miror B. “Stop listening to the old sea-kelp spin his yarn and help me!

Reluctantly but obediently, the protégé went over to his boss. “Yo.”

“Yo.”

“Yo.”

“Yo.”

“Yo.”

“SHUT UP!” cried out Mirakle B. in horror as he turned to face an army of his exact duplicates.

“Put them in the giant jelly jars!” commanded Miror B. Obediently, Mirakle B. obliged.

Once locked in a glass jar, they removed their helmets and their afros began to swell enamorously.

“What.” said Mirakle B. simply.

“No, not what. Why.”

“When? How?”

“Nom!” cried out the sailor.

“Yes,” agreed Mirakle B.

“No!”

“Yes, no?”

“No. No yes.”

“My brain hurts.”

“Ugh, for goodness’ sake.”

“So, uh, what exactly was the plan again? I’m afraid I didn’t quite catch why we were doing this. And why are my duplicates’ afros shaped like standard Pokéballs?”

Miror b. tapped his foot. “Well, DUH,” he said. “We’re dropping these jars in specific locations across the region. Then, they smash open, and the afros swell up, encompassing the area and reofriming it in the FABULOUS afro-image!” he finished merrily.

“I see. And where did you get this plan from?”

“Days of Our Lives.”

“We’ve only known each other directly for two weeks now.”

“No, the Days.”

“Wrong. You’re putting me in a daze.”

“Not daze, idiot! Days!”

“Days Days Daze?”

“Right!”

“I’m confused.”

“Ugghugh,” moaned Miror B., facepalming.

“One more question. Where’s this Miror Battleship you keep mentioning?”

“Oh, that,” said Miror B. nonchalantly. With a wave of his hand to match the tempo of the groovy music he had playing in his afro, he clicked a button.

The island of Ever Grande City, the location they presided at, rose up into the air, curls of ocean still dripping off in monstrous tides. On the top of the island and the bottom equators, two very long poles made their wake snakily out, until they reached their maximum length. They then shot out a hemisphere of canvas each, which began unfolding more and more until it fully encompassed the island, making it appear like Mirpr B.’s afro. Then, from the confines of the borders shot out an array of cords, chords, electrical outlets, walls, rooms of varying use, and many more to that particular effect until the entirety of the innards were fully used. The control room they were in rose to the very top, where it poked out to see the outside world.

Mirakle B. was understandably gaping.

“To the… people… who, uh, want to stop us… if only I knew their names,” Miror B. said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub and company had returned to the controle center of their robot… boat cruise-liner thing. The author cannot and will not say what happened below decks, as they threatened to sue.

“What is that,” asked Ran breathlessly.

“Looks like A GIANT MEATBALL!” exclaimed Death on his apparent epiphany. “Can we eat it please oh please Zub?”

Zub shook his head and pointed wordlessly at some semi-transparent object that the large floating sphere dropped. As it made contact with the ground, it exploded.

As the crew looked away, it began growing. As they turned back, where the Republic of Mossdeep last lay was a giant afro in the vague shape of a Pokéball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“-and then we went to RAINBOW ISLAND to go to the end of the rainbow! Guess what was there?! BUDWEISER! SO me and the space pirates drink it and then SPACE KRAKEN came back with SPACE RIDLE-“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Zub and his battleship-robot-cruise ship-thing arrived near the floating orb, a large bar appeared near the top of his peripheral vision. On one end, a bubble hosting a picture of the large battle station appeared, with the words BOSS: MIROR BATTLESHIP floated over the bar itself. The bar filled itself with a red light, reaching from one way to the other. Way to break the fourth wall, Tango noted.

“Like that helps,” pointed out Ran.

“Is anyone else seeing this?! It’s obscuring my vision!” cried out Death as he ran around aimlessly, apparently blinded, until he fell off the side of the boat.

The sphere hummed ominously towards their feeble battlerobot cruise.

“We have to go in and destroy the internal… stuffs! cried out Tango.

“What?! Why?!” asked Ran dejectedly. Tango shrugged.

Works in the movies .

Everyone agreed that this was a good point and went along with the plan.

“Alright, Team A; being Tango and Zub; wil fly into a small hatchway and do… I don’t know, destruction,” decided Ran. “Team B, the rest of us, will distract it with a full-on assault with our giant robot! go team go!”

As Zub sat, legs crossed, on Tango’s head as they prepared to lift off, Ran went over the controls in the user’s manual for the robot. “’To turn on the large robot mode, press the lever next to the quantum physique drive, which should reverse the magnesium porogitive flow that unsettles Mareep. Doing so will accomplish Step A in the thirty-six step plan to turn on the controls. For more information, please consult the The New New New New Super Standard Manual for Escaping Pits New Edition; Now With Added in-depth Information on Escaping YOUR Pit!,” read Ran aloud. “Well, this is rather useless, isn’t it?” he asked to no one in particular.

“Better question; how do I get that sphere to put away its guns and stop shooting at me?”

Sure enough, many hatches had opened from the floating orb and were now firing its entire artillery at the poor cruise ship.

If it could talk, I would have no doubt in my mind that it would say something along the likes of “”, which is a perfectly acceptable and morally requited thing to do in this sort of situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tango and Zub had managed to slip in through a panel while some guns were extended or something. They didn’t particularly care how they got in; they just did.

Sneaking through a multitude of long corridor and rooms to ambiguously similar (or the author is withholding description for fear of work), the duo made it to a control room.

Another contrived plot deivce brought us here? asked Tango. Zub nodded sadly.

“AND IT WAS TOTES-RAD!” cried out a shirtless sailor in the back. “Cause they was all, ROOOOOOAR but we went mew and they were ALLERGIC TO ADORABLE so they went and ate a turnip and they turned into SUPER WARI-“

Please shut up, begged Tango. [/i] I can feel brain cells dying… and I don’t even have a brain! I am a supercomputer![/i]

“…” said the sailor sadly.

On the far end of the room, Miror B. looked up suddenly. “He shut up!” he rejoiced. Then he noticed the intrders. “It’s… those people… uh… their names, what were their names? Uh…. Ran and Death, yes?!” he said with an epiphany of excitement.

…Wrong.

“Intruders! Intruding intruders who intruded on our non-intrusive intrusion of the intrusion of the world! Intruders right there!” cried out Mirakle B., waving jaggedly.

“How do you wave jaggedly?” noted Miror B. curiously.

“What?”

Can we get on with this? asked Tango, reading Zub’s mind.

“No,” said Miror B.

“No,” agreed Mirakle B.

“Prototype Pancake Gate!” screamed the sailor.

I use my veto power to automatically win! screamed Tang, using telepathic powers to press the Self-Destruct Button.

“We had a self-Destruct Button?!” exclaimed Miror B.

“I personally always thought it said Sell F Destru CT BUTT on,” said Mirakle B> stupidly.

“How in the name of…?!”

All throughout this Zub stared blankly at them, and seemed to be the only one who took note of the fact that the entire station was going to explode.

If this is the end, he thought. [/i]My life pretty much sucked.[/i]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So far, so good!” called out Ran to Death, who was below decks, firing exploding capitalists from the floating robot. Ran pressed the button to fire some more lasers and did a loop-de-loop.

Ran was having more fun than probably necessary.

“Ka-BLOOEY! Ka-BLAMMO!” he cried, sending in the robot t strike with a giant sword that appeared.

“Weeeeee!” exclaimed Death from down below.

Just then a large chunk of the floating sphere exploded and came cascading down into the ocean below.

“What just happened?” asked Ran nervously to Death, who merely vocally shrugged.

Another explosion, another chunk gone.

“I think it’s self-destructing!” called up Death.

“Did we do that?”

“Probably.”

“Oops… hey, wanna go grab some pizza?”

“Are you kidding me?! …Of course I do!”

“Let’s go~!” Ran said merrily as they went to Papa Monz’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How could this mission go any worse? moaned Tango. It’s not possible.; we’re surrounded by idiots and a delusional sailor, are on an exploding afro, not for the first time, mind you, and now we’re all going to die.

Tango broke the Number One rule of any situation; saying that things can’t get worse is only a beckoning for fate to make things worse.

Saying things can’t get worse is line the fine cheese for the rodent of fate, the wine and milk for the old creepy person of fate, the cage to the person who likes to be captured… of fate.

And so, Fate, the jerk it is, made things worse.

A man fell from the ceiling, stood u and brushed off his tuxedo, straightened his fedora, and waved apologetically.

“Sorry for breaking your ceiling,” Rick laughed with gusto. “It’s just that I have a little problem on my hands.”

“Oh?” asked Miror B. “Where is it?”

Just then a million small spheres caressed their way through the torn ceiling, each the approximate size of a baseball, or a Pokéball, or a very small grapefruit.

These thing again? moaned Tango for Zub.

“By the way, it’s right there,” pointed out Rick redundantly.

“I noticed,” replied Miror B> sarcastically. “What are they?”

“They are Them. An It is one of Them, and They are They.”

To paraphrase a certain redhead, Miror B. had but one thing to say. “It feels like my brain is imploding!”

It was then that They released from each of them, an Electrode.

WE HAVE BEEN SENT TO ELIMANTE THIS, WHGO KNOWS WHY. WHY IS THE TWENTY-FIFTH LETTER OF THE ALPHABET. ALPHABET SOUP, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, IS NOT ALPHABETICAL. SOUP, CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, IS NOT SOUPY. 3…2…1…

“Haha!” cried out the sailor, clapping his hands. “Spheries go… boom-boom!”

With one last look from the other contenders, everything exploded.

~~~~~~~~~


“Hey, this pizza is really good!” commented Ran with a mouthful of cheese.

“Did you hear something?” asked Death, looking out the window to see the entire sphere, with their friends inside, exploding.

“Nah, if we don’t acknowledge it, we don’t have any guilt!” said Ran happily, plowing through another slice.

Z-nogyroP
19th June 2012, 12:46 AM
Zub, as much as he hated to, had to note that all was going unsurprisingly well. This was unprecedented by the fact that he, as the titular character, tended to get good luck, but so far, nothing happened.

This highly concerned him.

That was when he heard an explosion in the lower decks, which put him to ease as it was normality by now. Then it occurred to him, “I heard an explosion in the lower decks.” It was only then that he realized he heard an explosion in the lower decks, which could only mean one thing;

An explosion in the lower decks.

An explosion in the lower decks was terrible news. An explosion was bad enough, but in the lower decks was… ‘low’, so to speak. An explosion in the lower decks meant another thing; something exploded in the lower decks. It was therefore that the explosion in the lower decks could actually mean two things; a) an explosion in the lower decks, or b), the more likely one, Ran and Death were involved.

Best. Paragraph. Ever.

I'm really getting into this now.
Also, I noticed an ASDF movie reference here(but we went mew and they were ALLERGIC TO ADORABLE)

And that just makes it even more awesome.


And I'm used to low amounts of feedback; I can't seem to attract posts, in any of my fics, haha. ^.^;;

I feel your pain, man. I can't either. :P

Zibdas
21st June 2012, 1:03 AM
Chapter 13: Reunion
back to the shorter ish
I've been really stressed and bored lately, so I've been writing more. It doesn't help that writing keeps this fic on the front page of the Fanfiction Section, so ha
Also, the OP has been updated to be significantly better, if anyone cares.


“Zub would want a pointless act of violence in his name,” sniffed Death, holding back tears. He then poked Ran. As a new Ran appeared, he bludgeoned several more with the original corpse.

“Yea. Yeah he would,” cried Ran, punching Death only to drop dead and respawn.

“Who would?” asked a voice that sounded vocal.

Turning around, the two were shocked to discover Zub standing there, talking to them.

“Daboblabosmellyalateroronyub,” said Death, dumbfoundedly

“Razzosmchmazzollyitty,” agreed Ran, equally confused.

“Let’s play a game,” said Zub, grinning sinisterly.

~~~~~~Time passes~~~~~~~~~~

“Wow, this is fun!” exclaimed Death.

“Told you1”

“What’s it called?” gaped Ran.

“This is a fun game called "STUFF YOUR FURNITURE DOWN THE DRAIN"!” exclaimed Zub merrily, jumping on a sink to force it down.

Ran, jumping on an ornate chiffonier, paused in thought. “How did you learn to speak suddenly?” he asked, growing suddenly suspicious for no reason of his own accord.

“Uh…uh… England!” he said. Sweating nervously, he continued. “The English of England taught me English so I could go to England and speak English with the English of English England…. and uh…”

Ran lifted an eyebrow.

“Death, execute operation 66-Alpha-Delta-Quadrilateral-Suspiciosly-Beueno-Taco!” he yelled.

A large, lush oak tree appeared behind them. Large leafy leaves swayed back and forth in the accompanying wind. Then in the tallest branch spawned the most adorable SKitty anyone had ever seen, albeit with no legs.

“That’s a nice tree,” commented Zub.

“Well….?” asked Ran.

“Timmy’s in one?”

“No, what are you going to do about that poor trapped Skitty?” exclaimed Ran, exasperated.

“Oooooohhh, I know. Let me be right back,” said Zub, who began to run off in search of something.

“So, with his… disease, what do you suppose he’ll get?” asked Ran, mildly curious.

“I don’t know. A ladder, some chains, a chainsaw, something,” replied Death casually. “He’s pretty creative.

Then Zub came back, huddled behind the tree for a bit, then stepped back for them to admire his handiwork.


“…what is that?” Ran asked, mildly mortified.

“Uh… a bear trap?” asked Zub.

“What,” said Death.

“I thought it would be funny!”

Death had to stifle a giggle. “I’m sorry,” he apologized to Ran’s death glare.

“Wait,” said Ran, suddenly astonished. “This means that Zub is cured of his Clichedprotaganitis!

Death released a flurry of confetti from his chest. “Yay!”

Zub looked confused. “Gesundheit?” he asked.

“Exactly!” cried Death amidst tears of joy. “If I ever have to impersonate you again, I won’t have to be a goody-goody! I can kill… EVERYONE!”

“You… impersonated me?” asked Zub, suddenly suspicious.

“Yeah, after I accidentally killed you.”

“I’m glad I can trust in my friends,” Zub said thoughtfully unsure of what he was doing with his life.

Then, inexplicably amongst the summer heat they were in, Zub was surrounded by shade. It was cool and refreshing and steadily growing larger.

“This is some nice shade,” he complimented the universe. Than something fell on him. Something very, VERY heavy.

“It’s a land whale! Run for your lives!” Death screamed like a little girl, hiding behind a nearby hill.

Ran facepalmed and greeted the aging woman warmly. “Who are you?” he asked, shaking her hand.

“I’m Mrs. Pants, of course!” she yelled with a sort of gluttonous merry that Ran found both horribly unattractive yet so… jiggly at the same time

“That’s an unusual name,” he pointed out.

“Before I moved, it was Pantsenfurherbinladen, but that did not bode well with the customs officials, so it was abbreviated to just ‘Pants’,” she reminisced sadly. Regaining her composure, she sat up and laughed heartily. “Now go bring back Mr. Bone! I made him a sweater accidentally after scaring him off,” she added sheepishly, holding up a sweater in his exact size. Embroidered across the front was the words, “Mrs. Pants’ Favourite Death God”.

Ran beckoned to Death to come over. “Get over here! She made you a sweater!”

Peeking over the landmass, Death asked worriedly, “Are you sure she’s not a land whale? Those things rustle my jimmies.”

“I brought cookies!” she called excitedly. Death could resist it no more and ran over, grabbed the sweater and put it on, stuffing his face full of chocolate chip cookies all the while.

“It’s so warm and comfortable!” he gushed. “And the cookies are superb! May I ask for the recipe?”

“Of course, I’ll give it to you on my way out. Now, where’s my little Zub?” I didn’t fly all the way out here just to meet his friends, you know!”

Death looked sad but pointed to beneath her regardless.

She loked down and squealed in fixated horror. “My poor widdle Zub!” she cried, pulling him out of the dirt. She brushed off her beehive hairdo and straightened out her Hawaiian dress afterwards.

“My, how you’ve grown!” she couldn’t help but admire his complexion, tan, every little detail.

“Wait,” said Ran, trying his very best to withhold laughter. “Does this mean his full name is… Zub Pants?”

“His middle name is Button because I thought it was cute!” smiled Mrs. Pants proudly.


“Thanks mom,” muttered Zub, flush with embarrassment.

“WHOA!” she screamed. “WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOOOOOOA! You don’t talk!” SH then proceeded thrashing her son with her handbag, a lovely little pink and floral addition that really complimented her outfit.

“It’s okay, ma’am!” protested Death. “We think we cured him after”

She turned around on her heel. “DON’T YOU BACK-TALK TO ME!” She then took it as a go-ahead to began savagely attacking him, too. Ran took out his video recorder.

“Mom, please! Cut it out!” pleaded Zub.

“YOU’RE NOT MY BABY BUTTON!” she screamed. “AND I BET YOU DIDN’T MURDER GALIDOR, DID YOU? OR-“

“No, I did not murder anyone… I think” he said.

Mama Pants paused for a minute to pat his head. “Good sweetie. BUT YOU STILL LIED TO YOUR MAMA! AND I BET YOU DIDN’T GET SENT ON A QUEST BY MONTGOMERY MONTGOMERY MONTGOMER III, DID YOU?! AND I BET YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR NAME STITCHED IN 37 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES ON YOUR UNDERWEAR LIKE THE REAL ONE, DO YOU?!”

It took all Ran’s willpower not to burst out and die of laughter.

“Mom, please! I’m Zub!” he cried.

She’s right; you aren’t. said Tango, strangely breathless and emerging from an ocean.

“Was that ocean there before?” asked Death.

Zub emerged shortly thereafter, ran up and hugged his mother, then glared at Zub.

“Zub!” yelled Zub, pointing at Zub. Zub nodded and glared.

“Wait, what?” asked Ran.

This is… an imposter! translated Tango for Zub. Derpy Moos nodded.

“Oh no!” gasped Mama Pants.

“When did Derpy get here?” asked Death in bewilderment.

Derpy borrowed Mama Pants’ purse.

She then went over and slapped Death with it and returned the handbag.

“It was just a question!” protested Death, rubbing his shoulder. “Also, OW!”

But really, who are you, not-Zub.

Zub looked up.

So did Zub.

Zub had an idea and slapped Zub. Zub, realizing this, counter-slapped Zub.

Zub slapped Ran, picked up the spawning corpse, and attacked Zub with it. This would not stand, and Zub beat up Zub with Ran’s corpse.

[i]Finally Tango deciphered which one was which and read aloud the thoughts. [i]This is Dr. Zubious, Zub’s doppelganger. He can talk.

“I can not! I mean, uh, AWKWARD SILENCE!” he yelled, realizing his mistake, and covered his mouth. The real Zub smiled in satisfaction and went over and hugged his mother.

“Oh my! I thought I would never see you again! The real you that isn’t you, which is the fake you, I mean, I think!” she wept, squeezing the breath out of Zub in the process.

Ran stepped away from his handiwork, which was, at the moment, a newly tied up doctor. “So, how do you do, Mr. Zub Button Pants?” he snickered.

You’re a bad knot-tier” said Tango testily.

“Why do you bring that up?” asked Ran.

Tango gave a generic wave in the general direction of the direction in which Dr. Zubious was running.

“Oh.” said Ran, embarrassed. “I suppose we should go stop him?”

“But Mrs Pants makes the most delicious tea!” whined Death, drinking out of a small cup.

“More cookies, dear?” she asked s Death nodded enthusiastically.

“Ugh. Fine, I’ll go alone,” said Ran crossly. “Commi-Commi Powers Activate Communist… Landsurfer!”

Upon saying Ran’s magical words, a wind surfer made for the land emerged from the sand. Ran jumped onto the prow, and it took off.

[i]Is it really wise to do this? Tango wondered, bemused. No one noticed amidst all the cookie-eating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran rode his land surfer as he approached the fleeing doctor.

“I have you now!” he called.

Suddenly, Dr. Zubious turned around and looked at Ran. The background music changed and suddenly a bar showing two Pokéballs appeared.

“What’s happening,” said Ran.

“I looked at you and somehow challenged you to a Pokémon battle, duh.”

“But I don’t have a Pokémon!”

“Then what’s that?” Dr. Zubious asked suspiciously, pointing to a small red Pokémon with some severe hat hair standing near Ran.

“Mag?” it asked.

RAN WHITED OU- “Noooope! It’s, uh, my Pokémon, named…. Ranshao,” he said after perusing his knowledge of the Chinese language.

“Mag!” the Pokémon dubiously agreed.

“Plus it’s red! ♥” gushed Ran.

“Well, lovely Magby,” complimented Dr. Zubious. “Too bad it will be no match against my cunning Pokémon!” Seeing Ran’s unimpressed stare, he sighed. “Fine. But you’ll regret it! Go, Sewaddle!”

A small worm Pokémon with an adorable leaf bonnet spawned. It gave Ranshao a long, big-eyed stare in bewilderment. “Sew?” it asked.

“Mag!” cried Ranshao joyously.

“That’s your deviously cunning Pokémon?” asked Ran.

“Yes! Now, Sewaddle, Endure!”

Sewaddle sat their and began violently shaking. Its eyes widened and nearly bugged out, if you will pardon the terrible pun.

“Right. So, um, Mini-Ran, use… I don’t know, a good attack!” yelled Ran, pointing objectively.

Ranshao jumped into the air, inhaled deeply, and shot a volcanic wabe of fire at the poor bug Pokmon down below, where it spread out into a star formation.

“That seems like a hidden reference,” noted Ran. “But if it was, the meaning probably would have been lost in translation anyway.”

Dr. Zubious was speechfully speechless. “Isn’t that a tad overpowered?”

“Apparently not,” replied Ran, annoyed. “Your flower worm is still alive.

Dr. Zubious produced a pair of sunglasses from within his coat and put them on. “That’s endure. It leaves the Pokémon alive with at least one HP.”

The poor bug nodded in agreement, horribly burnt.

“Now, Sewaddle, use Flail!” Sewaddle threw itself at Ranshao and began horrifically beating every inch of its body against the Magby, in one last final gambit to gain the upper hand. Ranshao, not one to be deterred, slapped it as it fell down onto the ground, unconscious.

“Heh heh heh.”

“Why are you laughing?”

“This was all my trap. I severely weakened your Pokémon so I could unleash my trump card without verdict. And you, my communist foe, have fallen right into my trap. Therefore, I shall release my final Pokémon for you to deal with, and make my dastardly escape… Heh heh heh- ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!” he yelled as he suddenly realized that Ran was playing a video game.

“Yeah yeah, ‘final trump card’, blah blah blah, whatever dude. Hey, do you know which warp pad brings me to Cyrus’ room? I’m doing a speed run and am terribly confused.”

“No one cares! Regardless, have fun-“

“Thanks!” Ran said cheerily, appreciating the offer.

“I MEANT WITH MY MONSTER! HNNNG!” the Doctor yelled while running away, dropping a Pokéball.

There was a flash of red, one that Ran was so used to by now, but still enjoyed.

He, however, was not fond at all of the large earthy dinosaur that appeared.

Trainer RAN fled the battle!

Z-nogyroP
21st June 2012, 1:39 AM
Wow, that was an awesome chapter. Magby is just so awesome. In fact, after reading this, I literally found a shiny Magby on HeartGold, and caught it. I named it Ranshao. :)

Let me guess, the dinosaur was Bastiodon?

And how dare you type Pokemon in white to make us click it! That is truly evil.

Zibdas
21st June 2012, 1:48 AM
Wow, that was an awesome chapter. Magby is just so awesome. In fact, after reading this, I literally found a shiny Magby on HeartGold, and caught it. I named it Ranshao. :)
That is so extremely coincidental it is my dity to insist I had no undertaking in this.
It's not my fault, honest!


Let me guess, the dinosaur was Bastiodon?
Yes... and no. I'm no spoiler. ;)


And how dare you type Pokemon in white to make us click it! That is truly evil.
I didn't even realize I did it. But regardless, mandatory evil laugh time!

Zibdas
22nd June 2012, 9:16 PM
Bonus Chapter 1! Aqua/Magma Crisis!
i got so bored this is what happened

A lone teenage boy continued up the sandstorm-buffeted route he was walking on. He was here to investigate some strange ruins everyone had been talking about after a whale and an ancient fish were dropped on them, cracking them open.

Slipping on his Go-Goggles, he trudged forward through more, deeper sand. It sunk him to his thighs, which was highly unusual for someone so tall. He decided he needed a Pokémon to help him cross. A few of them, actually.

And he had many just for this explicit purpose.

He threw a bag far into the sky, shouting as he obscured the sun’s rays from his eyes. “Go, Jerry! Terry, you too! Oh, and Larry! Mary and Merry, don’t slack off! Same for you, Fairy, I know how you love to be a burden! “Canary, Berry, Barry, and Cherry, you too!” he called and panted, out of breath.

A multitude of several dozen Magikarp spawned and landed on the sand, flopping about on the surface sadly. He clambered onto one.

“Thanks guys!” he called, hopping across them towards the ruins.

Laughing at his triumph, he realized there was an obstacle. Other people. The teenager frowned. He had a solution, put to pull it off….? Would it work? He shrugged off his dilemma and got to work releasing his Pokémon. When they were all assembled he pointed subtly towards the ruins.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chief Sherles had always enjoyed rock finding, rock eating, rock tomfoolery, anything to do with rocks. As he was on leave from policing for a while, having hired a team of ten year olds, he decided to check out some rocks with his buddy Steven, who was also on leave after being mind-controlled and forced to wear a stone gauntlet.

“Igneous. Definitely igneous,” sia dSteven, adjusting his Go-Goggles, as Sherles looked on. “Seems to have a metamorphic mutation in the atomic particle-grains of the ulterior format. Man, geology rocks,” he giggled.

“What’s that?” asked Sherles, pointing. “Never seen that.”

“I don’t know. It looks like Koffing, but what would they be doing here, unless if… someone wanted… to clear the place out,” Steven said thoughtfully. The colour drained from Sherles’ face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“They’re clearing out much earlier than I’d have thought,” mused the boy. “No matter. My Pokémon will clear them out.” he watched them envelop the area with poisonous smog.

Stepping forward onto normal sand, he smiled at the cluster of unconscious people and returned the Koffing to their Pokéballs.

“A shame you can’t see what I’m going to do here,” he said with ironic sympathy. “C’est la vie.”

He drew one last Pokéball, the final one required to meet his goal, and summoned a mysterious L-shaped Pokémon from the red flash. Holding it above his head, he plunged it into the wall topfirst, where it embedded itself in. The boy then used all of his might and turned it clockwise, creating a cavity in the wall. Smirking, he discarded the unconscious Missingno. to the side.

What lay there, however, was not what he expected.

It was as expected initially; a large, cavernous chamber constructed murky brown stone, which was utterly and terribly distasteful. On the opposite side, there were some flat Braille, great if you had a translator. Even if you were blind, it was constructed in such a way that you could not feel it, forcing only the seeing to enter the cavern.

However, none of this was out of the ordinary. What was, however, was the rather enormous gaping hole in the center of the room, leaving very little room to even sidle against the walls.

This was what was not expected.

It was rather ominous, too; instead of being just a gaping hole, or even an abyss, it seemed like some sort of portal. Its dark mists swirled and stormed, like an abyss of eternally-black soup. He hated soup.

He was considering ways to cross when he was suddenly pushed in. “Allons-y!” he heard a voice shout behind him.

“I’ll get you for this!” the teen screamed as he fell into the portal.

“I’m okay with that!” came the reply as he fell. “You know, #YOLO!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You think he’s coming to?”

“Impossible to say. He ttok a nasty fall.”

“…you idiot…”

“Hey, like he was going down any other way! And… it was fun, I might add.”

A pair of royal purple eyes shot open.

“Hi!’ waved a large carrot.

“Good morning!” said a small boy, dressed in an odd red, white, and blue outfit.

“You’re very patriotic,” the teen couldn’t help commenting.

“Welcome and good morning,” said man with horribly messy hair and a purple and dark blue body suit. “I am The Author of this little thing here, and we need your help.”

“Why me?”

“Because, Buz, the other guy is currently busy doing… whatever it is he does.

“So I was chosen because the normal guy is busy and you couldn’t bother finding a different replacement?” Buz asked suspiciously.

“In a nutshell.”

“That’s it, I’m out of here,” Buz muttered, leaping to his feet. It was only then that he realized he was in the cavern, though now it lacked the hole.

“Which way brings me back?” he asked, looking round.

“Helping me,” replied the Author smugly, which earned him a lovely punch in the face.

“Eurgh, you’re so annoying,” growled Buz. “So, you just chose me at random?”

“Not quite. You look impeccably similar to the other guy, too.”

“Great. And who are these people?”

“These are Thumbquack and 1-Up, respectively.”

“What’s with the stupid names?”

“Aww…. I was wondering if I could get away with that. No, this is Nar and that’s Life.”

“C’est la vie.”

“Lavie is a better sounding name than ‘Life’!” said the carrot.

“Fine, whatever. Do as you please.”

“Remind me why you’re a giant carrot?”

“Something wrong with yo’ veggies… punk?!” threatened Lavie as he made an array of gang signs. “Cross me again and I’ll kill you! …not literally of course, as I am inable to kill things. You touch me, you actually could get healed. Do it too much and you die, which could count I suppose.”

“Nerr herr,” laughed Buz in mocking. “And what’s with the other one’s costume?”

“He’s a Capitalist Robot. Hates Communism and throws capitalizing in everyone’s faces.”

“Right. So, who are we stopping again?”

“Capitalists!” yelled Nar.

“For the last time, no. Two evil syndicates, Team Aqua and Team Magma, are escalating up the top of Mt. Chimney to do… who knows what, but I bet it’s evil.”

“So, you have no conclusive proof that what they’re doing is actually wrong in any form of the word?” Buz glared.

“Yes, now get going. I’ll give you a handsome reward when you return, if that’s any motivation.”

~~~~~~~~TIME LAPSE~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, so we’re at the base of Mt. Chimney. How do we get to the top?” wondered Lavie.

“I’d imagine through the cable car,” said Buz. “Excuse me, pirate and emo kid, we need to get through.”

The two dozing grunts suddenly leapt to attention. One seemed to be a scurvy pirate, dressed in a a sleeveless striped shirt and ripped jeans, as well as a ripped bandana sporting a stylized ‘A’. The other seemed to be a girl wearing dark red hoods, obscuring most of her body but her arms, legs and face, and her hood was adorned with not only a stylized ‘M’ but also what appeared to be some imitation of a small mammal’s ears.

The pirate nudged his companion. “Terryn! Major trouble here!”

I know that, Sean!” the girl apparently named Terryn whispered back. “But it’s okay. I have a plan!”

She and Sean stood rigid, absolutely motionless in the only opening of the fence surrounding the cable car.

“Excuse me, we need to get through here,” said Buz testily.

“Aha! See?! We have already foiled your plan to stop us!” cried out Sean in jubilee.

“It’s okay,” reasoned Nar. “This means we’re probably not supposed to go here now. We probably need more gym badges and then they’ll move, so-“

“Or…” cut off Buz from behind the fence. “We could just hop over the fence?”

“That’s cheating!” protested Lavie.

“Plus, that would never work in a video game,” pointed out Nar.

“What sort of stupid video game doesn’t allow you to jump over waist-high fences?”

“Do you really need to ask?” asked Nar, raising an eyebrow.

“Fine, whatever. Let’s just keep going. I’ve a schedule to keep.”



“This cable car is fun. Weee!” exclaimed Nar. The large carrot standing near him nodded.

“I like the snow,” Lavie commented serenely.

“It’s ash,” pointed out Nar. “Why would there be snow on a volcano?”

“To psyche us out, obviously.”



“So, we’re at the pinnacle.” Buz looked around. ”Well this is awfully convenient.

“They’re all fighting each other,” gasped Lavie.

Sure enough, all around them Aqua and Magma grunts were facing it off by seemingly using Poocheyena on Poocheyena.

Nar walked up to one. “Excuse me, can you point me to the Atmospheric Weather Distortion Device? We’re hear to break it.”

“The grunt looked down in surprise. “I’m busy here! Can’t you tell I’m trying to look like I’m doing stuff so my boss won’t get mad?!” the Aqua grunt across from him shouted an agreement.

“Yeah!” she roared.

“So, uh, if you don’t mind, beat it!” cried the rather muscular grunt before Nar, who stood up, scoffed, and went back to the group.

“Scoff!” he shouted in dismay.

“So, what now?” asked Lavie in sorrow. “We’ll never find it in time!”

“Same thing as I always do. Beat something up. Yolo,” said Buz as he slugged the muscle-bound grunt from earlier.

“Hey, meatbrick! You’re like one, gushing, sweltering wall of flesh!” he called recklessly.

“Shut up!” whispered Lavie hoarsely.

The grunt slowly turned around. “What did you say?” he said, strangely calm despite the fact that he was seething and giving Buz the Evil Eye.

“You’re so fat, if you were a Poochyena, you’d have to wear a hula hoop for a collar!” he yelled.

The ‘sweltering, gushing wall of flesh’ punched Zub full-force in the stomach and launched him backward. Opening his eyes after sealing them shut, he found he was right beneath the Atmospheric Distortion Device.

“Hey guys!” he yelled, waving his arms. I found it!”

“Found what, I wonder?” asked a man hiding behind the machine. As he stepped into the light, his slicked-back red hair was revealed, as well as his sharp suit and matching cunning eyes.

“The way to the bathroom?” replied Buz nervously. They were at the very top of the rim of the volcano, with a large bubbling pool of magma just behind the Deice and the newcomer.

“My name is Maximus Engardé deAequivalere.” he said in a whimsical Latin accent. “But you may call me Maxie; or at least, you will before your death. At any rate, I’m much afraid I will have to destroy you so soon after making your acquaintance. You see, I simply cannot allow you to touch this machine. It is my prime invention for my heroic plot to-“

“Wait a second there, Maxi…ne!” cried out a gruff voice as what could be assumed to be the leader of Team Aqua came bounding up the stairs to the peak. His nice suit was only impeded by the fact that it was savagely ripped, exposing a glimpse of his apparently strong muscles. Around his neck was a solid gold chain, and he had a well-trimmed beard and pencil moustache that still gave off an ominous wave that tells you not to mess with him. He stared angrily at Maxie. “This was MY plan, and you… you KNOW IT!”

Maxie released a small chuckle as he approached. It soon became very apparent that Maxie was dwarfed by not only the muscular build of the Aqua Leader, but also by his sheer height. “Archie, my dear brother, if this is your plot, pray tell; what do you intend to do with the Atmospheric Distortion Device, and what will it accomplish?”

Archie snorted. “You tell me. I don’t want you to copy anything we did.”

His brother gave a thin smile, allowing it to show that this was at the peak of his nerves. “We, the idolized Team Magma are going to use this Device to supercharge the volcano. Upon maximum completion, it will gush out an unlimited supply of magma, which will eventually reach the seas. When it does, there will be new land, for Pokémon, people, and everyone to prosper on! Plus we’ll make a killing on Real Estate; we’ll sell it all and get rich!”

Archie glared at him. “That was OUR plan! Except, um, you know, replace land with water, and uh… Team Magma with Team Aqua, and that that water is the source of life… and maybe I should just write my own speeches from now o…”

“Dear brother, this simply will not do! I’m going to tell dear Mother about how you’re always stealing our plans!”

“Am not!”

“Would everyone just SHUT UP?!” roared Buz, who was rather fed up. “Can’t I just beat you with my Pokémon and get on my way?”

“Well, according to League regulations, I suppose…” mumbled Maxie, taken aback that someone would challenge him.

“YEAH! AND WE’LL KNOCK YOU DOWN!” shouted Archie. Buz couldn’t help but smile.

“I’d be okay with that; I can just get back up. You, on the other hand…” he gave a wave to the lava behind him.

“I don’t suppose we could move the battle?” asked Maxie.

“No, I’m fine!” assured Buz, laughing. “Go, Cacnea, Lairon!” he shouted, throwing two identical, unidentifiable Pokéballs onto the field.

Cacnea, a small sphere of greenery mashed with several spikes and eyes and a crown, woke up with a jolt and extended its arms from its body. Lairon, a small reptilian covered in metal plates, howled ferociously.

Maxie smiled confidently. “We’ll see about your fate… Go, Mightyena!”

A large, vicious canine appeared, black-and-silver fur ruffling in the wind and ash. It growled at Buz’ two Pokémon.

“My turn!” said Archie, throwing a Pokéball. “Go, Mightyena!”

“You don’t even have the dignity to use your own Pokémon, you have to copy my team?” asked Maxie indignantly.

“I chose mine WAY before YOU did!” protested Archie. As the two turned back around, it occurred to them that one Mightyena was already knocked out and the other was being thrashed on by the Cacnea.

“I blame you,” said Maxie distastefully. Realizing they had no other option, they watched the last canine be mercilessly defeated.

“No matter. I’ll still crush you!” he called, throwing another Pokéball. “Go, Golbat!”

“SERIOUSLY man?! You stole my second teammate idea?! SERIOUSLY MAN,” said Archie, releasing a Golbat.

“Ugh. Golbat, Poison Fang, go!” yelled Maxie, pointing at Cacnea. It landed a critical hit, severely wounding the cactus Pokémon.

“MY turn!” said Archie. “Go, Golbat, use-“

“Lairon, Rock Thow!” yelled Buz. His Lairon dug out a very sizable boulder and hurled it at the Golbat.

“OKAY, NOW GOLBAT USE-“

“Oh, and Cacnea,” cut in Buz. “Use Thunderpunch!”
The cactus Pokémon obliged, curling a small bolt of lightning around one of its feeble arms. Flexing its arm with power, he flew up towards the Golbat and struck them both down.”

“Oh, COME ON!” cried out Archie.

Maxie shook his head. “It’s an opportunity. One to use my final and best Pokémon! Go, Camerupt!”

“You too, Sharpedo!” mumbled Archie.

“At least you didn’t copy my last Pokémon.”

“Believe me, I tried. It didn’t go well for Team Aqua though, so…”

“No matter! Camerupt, Eruption!” His Pokémon immediately obliged. Its long, shaggy orange hair swayed as it grew in power, and the two craggy humps on its back grew white-hot. A stream of magma shot out, directed itself at the two Pokémon below, and let loose, damaging all but the trainers.

Buz’ Pokémon were now badly hurt.

“FINISH IT, SHARPEDO!” yelled Archie. “Surf, now!” the shark agreed, nodding angrily as its luminescent eyes looked everywhere. It then held its breath for moments, then let loose, loosing an enormously powerful jey of water that doused everything, leaving only Cacnea alive.

“Swimming anyone?” said Archie, giving everyone a rather mischievous, yet unnecessarily creepy look.

“It’s that guy again!” cried out Buz in horror.

“You idiot!” cried out Maxie, smacking his taller sibling. “You destroyed my PokΘmon!”

“Eh. I’ll just finish this on my own, then!” he roared happily.

“No need!” said Buz, eager to wrap up the match. “Cacnea, Bullet Seed!”

The small cactus fired a small barrage of razor sharp, extremely fast seeds at Sharpedo, which surprisingly significantly damaged it.

“Aha! Now, finish it Sharpedo, with Ice-“

Cacnea shot more seeds at Sharpedo, interrupting Archie’s thought.

“Yes, well, now, Sharpedo, use-“

Cacnea shot out more seeds as Sharpedo began to whimper with pain.

“STOP! …Okay, fine. You did. Yay. Now Sharpedo, use Ice-“

Cacnea shot more seeds and brought Sharpedo to the verge of fainting.

“Finally, you stopped for good! Now-“

“Cacnea’s BULLET SEED hit 4 times!” said a bodiless voice emanating from nowhere.

“WE GET IT!” said Archie, on the verge of tears from frustration. “SHARPEDO, JUST USE-“

Sharpedo lay on the ground, unconscious not from the seed pelting but rather from straying out of water for so long.

Cacnea began flashing as it grew legs and its crown turned into a hat. no one noticed, though, and it became sad.

“You’re kidding me,” moaned Archie, slapping his own face.

“Troops! Retreat! We need a new plan!” called Maxie to his grunts, most of which were sleeping, lounging about, or playing video games with the Aqua grunts.

“Same here, Aqua grunts” yelled Archie. “Oh, Matt! Take this machine too!” Archie pointed to the Atmospheric Distortion Device.

“Hey! That’s my Device!” protested Maxie.

“Quit your whining!”

“Watermelons!” the overly-buff Aqua Admin stated, picking up the machine and effortlessly wrenching it from the ground.

“I told you before, ENOUGH WITH THE WATERMELONS!” sobbed Archie before fleeing with the rest of his team.

Lavie and Nar came up to Buz.

“Hurray! You did it!” cheered Nar.

“Where were you guys?!” demanded Buz. “Some help would have been appreciated!”

“Oh. Well, some grunts had a copy of i]Melee[/i] and we were totally owning as Link and Kirby, respectively, and…” Lavie feebly defended.

“Don’t care. But why didn’t you invite me?!” cried out Buz exasperatedly.

“You were saving the world.”

“Save the world? Please, I was only in it for the free meals and reward. It was like prison but with better food and more work."

“The Author is giving you free food for this?!” demanded Lavie.

“Gourmet.”

“HNNNG!” she yelled to the sky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were all back in the cave now after a holly uninteresting journey back, and no one would particularly like to hear what happened.

“So, can I go home now?”

“I suppose you should,” said The Author sadly. “I paid you and gave you a hearty reward, and UNLESS YOU WANT MORE BY SAVING THE WORLD MORE,” he called without subtlety. “I wil send you back.”

“More, huh?”

“Yes, and they get better as time goes on. Plus you get paid for royalties, insurance, keeping you here until then…”

“Fine, you have a deal.”

“Oh goody-goody gumdrop.”

Missingno. Master
22nd June 2012, 9:22 PM
“This was all my trap. I severely weakened your Pokémon so I could unleash my trump card without verdict.

So you made the word "Pokémon" look like a link to trick us into clicking it.

That's just cruel.

And evil.

And diabolical.

I like it.

Z-nogyroP
23rd June 2012, 6:24 PM
That last chapter was pretty good. I've always liked Cacnea, and I've always hated Sharpedo. Oh, and you mentioned Cacnea "grew legs." Cacnea already has legs, albeit short and stubby.

Zibdas
23rd June 2012, 9:44 PM
That last chapter was pretty good. I've always liked Cacnea, and I've always hated Sharpedo. Oh, and you mentioned Cacnea "grew legs." Cacnea already has legs, albeit short and stubby.

I prefer to think of them as hydranges.
Or am i thinking of something else? Either way, they never really struck me as legs.

AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M BORED OKAY
DONT JUDGE ME

Zibdas
25th June 2012, 4:28 AM
Chapter 14: Gordon's Picnic
oh and it occurs to me that I don't explain half of everything. So, if you want something explained, let me know by posting and I'll try to write it as an extra chapter that answers your question. Yay.


“…NOT SALLY!” finished Death with a roar of laughter. Everyone around him but Mama Pants and Zub burst into extreme amounts of laughter.

Wiping a tear from his eye, Tango realized something. Should we check on that little robot?

Death waved him off as he lounged on the beach they were on. Behind him some mountains loomed, with a city perched high in them.

So, where are we, anyway? asked Tango. Death could only shrug.

“As amazing as I am, I’m not certain. I’d think somewhere near the city of Mossdeep. Though I can’t say I quite remember that little valley being there…” he pointed in the direction Ran went off in.

Is that a problem, would you say?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ugh,” muttered Ran, running for his life down the valley he had come down. It suddenly seemed a lot longer, even if its scenic mountains and streams were amazingly breathtaking. “This is very problematic.” The Pokémon behind him roared ferociously, as if agreeing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hmm….” thought Death out loud. “No. Knowing Ran he’ll be fine.”

Are you sure you’re talking about Ran?

Death lounged back even more, accidentally killing a nearby tourist. “Ran rhymes with pan. As in, pancake. And pancakes are flexible, delicious, and awesome. Therefore a Rancake is Rexible, Relicious, and Rawesome. By my logic, he will be better than fine. He will be… Rine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran screamed as loud as he can as he tripped over a shrub. “I really need to get a more manly scream,” he said, scrambling to get up. The Pokémon behind him roared once more, its dark red hide shimmering with absolute heat. Several spikes jutted out from the side, and its tail reminded Ran strangely of ribs.

“I’m so hungry…” he muttered, rubbing the blue panel on his stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now for something different.

Groudon moaned in agony. It had been sleeping so soundly at the end of this valley, then some nob came and woke him up. And that noob smelled strongly of his great grandmother’s chocolate chip Corsola melts.

And poor Gordon the Groudon realized how terribly hungry he was, and found a delicious, if small, red Tinkleberry, just like he used to pick from the fields surrounding his farmhouse when he was a child.

And when it began running, just as they did back home, he knew he had to give chase and roar viciously. It was in the codec for legendary dinosaurs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hurray!” cried a strangely feminine voice, leaping out from behind a bush.

“Who’re you?” asked Death suspiciously.

“Mary Sue!” cried out the girl apparently known as Mary Sue. “And I’m not being hunted here!”

“That’s it, I’m out of here. Bye, Zub-honey, and enjoy the cookies!” she cried out as she flew away.”

What do you mean, ‘here’? asked Tango.

Mary Sue shrugged. “In some other placed, everyone claimed I ‘must die’. Lame, innit?” she whipped back some of her voracious, multicolored hair.

Zub blinked slowly and sipped his lemonade.

“Please go away,” moaned Death. “We really are quite busy, our friend is probably dead-“

Knew it!

“-and we can’t put up with any more characters showing up randomly.”

“Just this once? Please, for me?” asked a deceptively sweet girl’s voice that Death instantly recognized.

“No no no no no no no no-“

“That’s right! I’m back!” cried out Ashleigh, leaping from behind another bush. Pausing a moment to straighten out her odd, metallic dress, she grinned wickedly at Death. “I knew I was relevant to the plot!”

We have a plot? asked Tango, now more confused than ever.

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-“ repeated Death.

“Awwww, what’s wrong, Mr. Death? Is somgod a widdle scawed of the BIG BAD WALL OF FLESH, RATH? CUZ YOU SHOULD BE!”

Death shook his head. “No, it’s just that every time I see you, you always cheat me out of something. Like last time, when every card in Go Fish, except mine, were mysteriously all the pufferfish…”

“Awww, are you blaming me?” Ashleigh asked in mock sweetness. “That stings, you know.”

“It’s times like this when I wish we had a theme song…” muttered Mary Sue.

Oh, I always thought we did. Someone told me it was this. (rhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI_fgwbmJg0&feature=relmfu)said Tango.

“No no no no. It’s always been this, always will be.”

That’s… that’s a blnk link. Plus we’ve already done that before.

“Exactly! also, exactly!”

“Moo!” agreed Derpy Moos.

“STOP DOING THAT[/I]” roared Death.

You know what would be great right now? Pizza bagels! said Tango gleefully.

“As good as that does sound, you don’t even have a mouth,” pointed out Death.

Yes I do! It’s right…. AHHHH! MY MOUTH! panicked Tango, horrified. He searched his entire face for one, to no luck.

“Ahem… am I allowed to go back to killing you yet?” asked Ashleigh, annoyed.

“If I say no?”

“…I’ll kill you anyway,” finished Ashleigh, nodding.

“And if I say yes?”

Zub sipped his lemonade.

“I’ll be your best friend forever.”

“How long will that be?” asked Death suspiciously.

“Depends on how long you can bleed until you die.”

“I don’t bleed.”

“Never mind then; I’ll finish you on the spot.”

“Wait one second!” Death yelled, and sat down, cross-legged. “I need a poorly derived plot device!”

We need a smurf, offered Tango helpfully. Be more useful than this Mary Sue girl.

“I forbid you!” she protested.

“Can I kill you now?” asked Ashleigh impatiently.

“Just wait one more minute,” Death promised. “Say, why do you want to kill me so badly?”

“Oh, don’t you re-AAAH!” she screamed as she was suddenly crushed by a falling clown.

“I finally got my Moe Solo!’ shouted the clown in jubilee, who disappeared before anyone got a good look at him.

“You owe me one!” cried the author from above.

“Sadface,” said Death. “Anyway, let’s see what’s taking Ran so long.”

What about our vacation? complained Tango.

“CRACKERS TO THE VACATION!” shouted Death. “Let’s bominos!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Enjoying your Tinkleberries?” Ran asked. “I picked them fresh from some bushes over the in the woods.

“Groooroaroorooroarmeow!” nodded Gordon happily, excited at the fact at having a friend at last.


“Just wait until you meet my friends. They should be coming soon. You’ll probably hate them, but a friend is a friend, huh?”

Hurray! Yay! We found you!” pronounced Death as he merrily skipped through the meadow Gordon and Ran were picnicking in, leaving a trail of dead grass.

“This is Death. Don’t touch him,” warned Ran.

“It’s okay; if you hugged me I’d probably… not die, but kill you… eh,” said Death, shrugging.

Zub waved and helped himself to a sandwich. Tango followed Zub’s lead, though he cried at his inability to eat the food due to an absence of a mouth, and Derpy Moos gave everyone a nice, cold glass of milk.

Finally Mary Sue, who had been following the group from a respectable distance showed up. Her cheerful, childish fearful face twisted into an evil smirk.

“Uh… are you okay?” asked Ran. His attention was caught off guard, as Groudon turned a lustrous golden colour.

He turned into a shiny Pokémon! gasped Tango.

“MEOW?” asked Gordon worriedly.

Mary Sue held out her hand as a Master Ball formed into it.

Walking a little bit down the road, Gordon realized what she was doing too late.

The shiny Groudon, Gordon was all hers.

“Now where have I seen this before?” pondered Death.

“Ahahaha… ohoho. You guys are idiots. I knew it would be easy, but this easy? The other guys were right. You people are probably the worst characters a fanfiction could hope to offer.”

“At least we are having gooder grammar?” shouted Death. Mary Sue pointed and Death couldn’t help but facepalm.

“So, uh… how do I get out of here again?” she asked, scratching her head.

“If we knew, we probably wouldn’t be here…” muttered Ran, still in shock over the loss of his friend.

“Right. Well then, uh.” she turned around and found an elevator labeled ‘To… Somewhere Else’. “That’s rather convenient,” she gloated.

“Any chance we get Gordon back, at least?” asked Ran.

“Nope! The whole reason I came here was for him. No where else would be stupid enough to give me it!” she yelled triumphantly, hopping into the elevator.

“We have to get into that elevator!” yelled Death, which somehow urged everyone else to g clamber to get inside. Right as they gotnear, the doors mysteriously slammed shut.

“How annoying,” drawled Death.

“Ugh, Ranshao, I hate to do this so soon after using you, but I need you. Use Fire Blast!” he shouted, opening up the blue plate on his chest, releasing his Pokémon. Jumping out, Ranshao fired a stream of intensely hot blasts of pure heated energy at the top of the elevator, which was mysteriously going up into the sky. He managed to pierce the solid steel, of which the elevator car shot out.

“When did you get a Magby?” asked Death, eying the small Pokémon carefully.

“Never mind that. Did I kill her?” Ran asked excitedly.

Tango searched around the area. Nope, I’m still detecting life…. can you guess where she is?

“On top of the mindless, evil, giant Groudon that seems to be attacking Mossdeep,” asked Death, which was a very lucky guess, as he was currently turned the other way.

You take all the fun out of this… whined Tango as the group headed in the direction of destruction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh, my little Georgia,” Mary Sue cooed to the colossal ancient Pokémon she was riding. "Kick that man into the water." Obeying, the Groudon tapped a man who looked similar to Zub's back with a razor claw, throwing him into the ocean below.

“You lift my heart up. Stop here, I wish to make an announcement.” Obeying, Gordon/Georgia halted on the outskirts of Mossdeep.

“Oh, feeble town of peons and voidless souls seeking refuge from not! I am Mary Sue, and I wish… to be your friend. Ever since I was a young girl, all I did was pretend to have friends. My dad….” she sniffed here. “…he ran tem all over, ‘accidentally’! then lied and said they all ran off to a Butterfree farm… but now, I can have friends! So if you sympathyse and wish to be my friend hold still and let my Pokémon step on you and wreck your city.”

“Hey, I like her! She seems very well constructed and totally not contrived!” shouted one cityfolk.

“Yeah! Let’s do whatever she says!” shouted another, who promptly sat very still, as did the others.

“Ahaha! Right into my trap!” giggled Mary Sue evilly. “Once this place is destroyed, I’ll…. destroy another place! And then I’ll destroy some more! And then I’ll go home and rule a good planet!”

“That seems a very good planned, Madam Mary Sue!” someone shouted.

“Quiet you,” she growled.

“MAKE ME!” screamed a voice she thought she lost. as the owner flew into her.

“Get off of me, you idiot!” she screamed, pushing Death off of Georgia with no ill effects.

“Oi! Its name is Gordon!” yelled Ran.

“I thought I lost you losers!” she yelled angrily.

“As Miror B., Eff Ecks, and… whoever else we’ve fought will tell you, we’re hard to get rid of,” mumbled Death, who was all tangled in his robes.

“And, those guys were all authors,” added Ran.

“And I’m a contrived plot device used exponentially by novice writers. But I’ve never been able to be topped. So, how did you beat the authors, anyway?”

“We have a cripple,” said Ran, pointing to Zub, who was still silently sipping his lemonade. “He’s diseased and litrally cannot lose.”

“Well, neither can I, so… hm. Guess we’ll have to see~♪♫” Mary Sue said merrily. “Georgia, demolish that town. It’s an eyesore.” Nodding, Gordon/Georgia ran forward and kicked over a building.

“Zub, Ran and I will stop that thing! you take care of that thing!” Death yelled, pointing at Mary Sue, as he and Ran ran towards the monstrous Pokémon destroying the town.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So. You new here?” asked a distant and faded voice Miror B. knew could only be Eff Ecks, from watching history tapes. He slowly sat up and looked around the ethereal plane of nothngness he sat at.

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Yes,” replied Eff Ecks matter-of-factly. “Now let’s bail.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, uh,” wondered Ran aloud, looking up at the hulking titan before them. “How did you intend we stop it again?”

“I thought you were in charge of that,” protested Death.

“Nope.”

“Oh, well….” said Death. “I’m sure we’ll think of something before it obliterates the island and all its inhabitants.”

“…Got anything yet?”

“I was hoping you would.”

Nearby, Zub and Mary Sue were staring each other down… to the death.

“You can’t win, you know,” she taunted.

“…”

“The silent type I see. Like a rock.”

Zub sipped his lemonade more, wondering why it hasn’t run dry yet.

“Good thing I trained under Karate King Kiyo. HI-YAH!” she screeched before punching Zub with all her might.

She recoiled and rubbed her fist, which was clearly in pain.

“What… what are you?” she screamed.

Zub looked down on her, his pale flesh glistening with slight beads of sweat upon the unique backdrop of a monstrous Pokémon destroying a sprawling, beautiful city against a gorgeous bloodred sunset. ub’s pupils met hers, and for the briefest moment, the locked, not only with eyes, but with souls, with hearts. Their two intertwining shines of beauty were only matched by one thing;

“AFRO AFRO AFRO AFRO AFRO AFRO AFRO,” yelled Zub, who suddenly sported one.

“Wh-what the hell?!” she screamed, now frightened, which isn’t typically easy.

She glanced over at Death, Ran, and Georgia, who all grew afros. “AFRO AFRO AFRO AFRO AFRO” they all yelled.

“This is only the beginning,” promised Eff Ecks. Miror B. nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She’s out cold,” pointed out Ran.

“Ever since she punched you, she;s been lying here unconscious?” Death whistled.

Suddenly her eyes burst open.

“Oh good. Now we can get back to stoping Gordon,” said Ran as he and Detah turned back around and Groudon continued attacking.

Zub just stared at her.

“Afro?” she asked.

Zub shook his head as he caught on fire.

Z-nogyroP
25th June 2012, 5:13 PM
Yay, a Mary Sue! I hate Mary Sues, so I hope she gets killed. I like how you described Mary Sue, as the generic Mary Sue who is overpowered and gets whatever she wants. Nice job, and why exactly did Zub catch fire?

Zibdas
25th June 2012, 6:14 PM
Yay, a Mary Sue! I hate Mary Sues, so I hope she gets killed. I like how you described Mary Sue, as the generic Mary Sue who is overpowered and gets whatever she wants. Nice job, and why exactly did Zub catch fire?

I don't see what's wrong with lighting my characters on fire.
As I reread it, I found four references to other fics I didn't initially catch. Huh.

Zibdas
28th June 2012, 9:34 AM
So, after taking a forced vacation, I now present...
Chapter 15: Chapter 1
Don't forget I'm still open for requests for bonus chapters


“That’s enough of the Flamethrower, shiny Charizard with perfect IVs that I got in three Soft Resets only,” called a masculine voice from somewhere behind Zub as the flames died down.

“Soft reset?” asked Death.

“Your simple, NPC-centric minds could never understand well enough. But think of it like Braid.”

“Whoa,” gasped Death. “How do you do it?!”

“Left trigger, Right Trigger, Start and Select.”

Death leaned towards Ran. “What is he talking about?”

Ran shook his head. “I think he’s insane.”

“Gary Stu!” cried Mary Sue triumphantly, running up and hugging the newcomer. “I missed winning without you!”

He winked and affectionately rubbed the top of her head. “What’s with these losers and the dinosaur?” Gary Stu asked.

“The losers are losing and the dinosaur is mine. Her name is Georgia-“

“Gordon!” yelled Ran.

“Whatever. Anyway, this is so FUN! You should try it!”

Gary Stu nodded. Good thing my Shiny Charizard has max IVs and maximum friendship. “Use Return on that small charred boy!” Charizard nodded and returned to the Pokéball.

“Charizard, darling, I believe he meant the attack.”

With another red flash, Charizard reappeared, black scales looking lovely with the reflection of a city burning reflecting on them. Summoning a storm of fiery hearts, he forced them down upon Zub, who lay motionless.

Death came to him.

Death frowned.

“We already did that pun before,” he recalled.

“Losers!” yelled Gary Stu, who was now riding Groudon with Mary Stu. “Now, I need a weapon of mass destruction too…” he muttered. Another Master Ball appeared in his hands as the earth rumbled. Out of the sky rocketed a large… I’m sorry, that doesn’t do it justice. It seemed to be far larger than even Groudon, being almost twice that. Keep in mind that Groudon is about the size of a skyscraper. And then this thing…. this thing was enormous. ‘Massive’ doesn’t even do it justice and dvhld; cvfm;sdncsknfjc;nbmmmmmmmmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sorry. Rick here. The Author just exploded with incomprehension. Let’s put it this way; say you had a refrigerator. One that was large enough to hold all those limes, and a few thousand watermelon, and several thousand pounds of bacon. Then you’d have the rough estimate of the creature’s head.

It had an odd posture too; like a chicken. I’m sorry, bad Rick. I’m so not used to this and… it’s just this large chicken-dragon thing that’s just enormous. Okay, this is overwhelming. I’m going back to cutting off all the leaves of all the trees and rearranging them into a more appealing shape like the Author told me to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyurem; the AHHH GIANT ICE DRAGON THING IT WILL FREEZE YOU Pokémon
It likes to destroy things. It likes to ruin people’s lives. It does nothing but this. You want proof? Here, we have Mary, a five year old from Undella, who had an encounter with the beast three years ago.
“AH was walkin’ down da beach, an’ den dis.... dis DRAGHUN comes outta nowhere an’ swoops down like FSHOOOOOOOM an’ he popped mah floatee. ”
As you can see, this thing is terrible. Never go near it, finished the Pokédex built into Ran.

“I’d say we’re screwed,” said Death.

A lob of flesh landed near Death, with only a nose, whiskers, legs, and a sinlge hair being its only features. Two small black eyes blinked up at him.

“ZooM?” it asked. Death walked slowly toward it, taking in its every feature.

He then punted it.

“We don’t need any more characters, jerk!” he yelled, angrily shaking his fist.

“So, about the giant dragon that is about to obliterate the city? Also, Gordon?” nudged Ran.

“”I thought the plan was to lose and die,” said Death. “Let’s ask Zub.”

The two ran over and discovered that their friend was unconscious.

“What now?” asked Ran worriedly.

Death never got to respond, as the two were struck in awe as what appeared to be a large black shadow moved through the air and fused with the chicken-dragon to form…jgnkdfjlvnjkbh

Hi. Rick’s back.

They made an even larger, bipedal dragon.

The dragon was two vividly different colours. On one half, he was black and sort of melted into the original form’s shell. The other side seemed more akin to the original, just more vicious and less chicken-like.

Also, it was far larger, if that’s possible.

Roughly the size of one-eighth the island of Mossdeep, whifch, mind you, has grown much larger of the years and especially now, it was a sight to behold.

And by behold, I mean piss-your-pants-and-run. I would have thought that’d be obvious, but no matter.

By this point, I, Rick, am now scared. I shall continue whipping the dead horse out back as the author instructed me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is my flower to pluck vigorously and then light aflame!” cried out an unfortunately familiar voice as an unfortunately familiar groove kicked in.

“And who might you be, loser, and how dare you challenge my Kyurem?!” demanded Gary Stu. The newcomer paused.

“The world is ours to devour, like a small shred of grass of the universe! AND WE ARE THE RABBIT!” yelled another, different voice that was regrettable remarkable.

“Oh no,” moaned Death. “If we had to get a plot device, why was it them?!”

Miror B. walked over and stared at him sadly. “This makes me sad,” he mock-whimpered, slapping Ran in Death’s place.

“Ow, whimpered Ran, staring at the corpse Miror B. created.

“Where’s the party?!” yelled Eff Ecks, flying in a small hovercraft that was designed to look like a clown. It seemed suspiciously familiar. “Or is this just all of it? You know, giant Pokémon? Been there, done that!” he taunted.

“He’s right, you know,” pointed out The Author, who came onto the scene.

“Fine! I’ll…. I’ll become the author!” Gary Stu screamed in protest, afraid of being shown up.

“Yawn… done that,” said Miror B. stiffly.

“I’ll… uh… THROW THE PROTAGANIST IN A PICKLE!”

“Done that,” sniffed Death.

“Oh, fine,” moaned Gary Stu in defeat. “Mary Sue, got any ideas?”

“I can’t think of any, being what is best described as a one-time minor antagonist,” she said sadly.

“Great idea!” said Gary Stu. “Why should we be secondary?! We’re cool! People like us!”

“What are you saying?” gasped Mary Sue.

“Yes… enlighten us. You’re not sticking with the script,” said the author.

“Kyurem, eat him.”

The colossal dragon nodded hungrily and swept down, scooping the author into his jaws in the process, and swallowed him whole before the author was given a chance to react.

Then, Kyurem shifted to the size and form of what could easily be mistaken as a human. He glared at Gary Stu in protest, who promptly ignored him.

“Why SHOULD we be subjected to secondary status?” he demanded. “We deserve better!”

“That’s desperate lunacy,” pointed out Ran.

“We could fix the fic, Mary Sue… you and I. N more communism, no more stupidity, no more foreboding golden Magikarp who alludes to future, unforeseen events…”

“Gary Stu, you’re scaring me!” she said, breathless at the sight of his power hungry eyes.

“No matter. I can replace you.”

“What?!” she protested, but it was useless. He had ignored her.

Then everything was gone.

There was nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Nothing.











Gary Stu: The Adventure of a Proper Fanfiction
a fanfic by Black Kyurem

Gary Stu sat up and rubbed his head. Looking down, his former fancy clothes were replaced with what could be described accurately as clothes commoners would wear. He jumped up suddenly and gaped in horror.

He killed his beautiful clothes.

Well, to be perfectly fair, it had started innocently enough. That hardly justifies murdering viciously, though however unintentionally, a great wardrobe. Oh, and he was standing on a dead body, one that had been a jerkwad enough to soil his new jeans.

No matter what way he looked at it, Gary Stu realized his clothes were pretty much screwed. Oh well. Sacrifices had to be made.

“You there, Gary Stu!” called out an old man, walking towards him angrily. “You just come flyin’ on your dang-spangly flyin’ thing, an’ den you crash into our HERO?! You’re in some deep flirtatious carrots now, young man!”

“Who are you,” Gary Stu asked. “And why are you here?”

Of the assembled crowd, not everyone was this mad. Of those that were, however, were veritably going to kill him.

And still he glared at each one. “What’s with all these old guys who probably have cooties and why are they near me?!” he shouted.

As a young child, Gary Stu… was, well, a Gary Stu. That’s pretty much it.

He was a very angry fellow at that moment. Everyone could tell and no one cared, of course.

“Dem flyin’ spheres gonna come kill us now!” roared the first old man.

“Good riddance.”

“We must punish him!” roared the elderly, sifting into deep thought. “It needs to be something realistically… translucent!” he said.

“No!” someone called randomly.

“Flyin’ fishticks!” cried out the elder in response, waving it off.

“Oo!” yelled someone in the back/. “Let’s throw him out on an adventure!”

“No,” responded Gary Stu.

“YESH,” said the elder. He then picked up Gary Stu, who had to admire his apparent remarkable strength despite age, and threw him over the wall, when the gate slammed shut.


“This sucks,” he pouted, sitting in a pile of ash. “Kyu- I mean, AUUUTHOOOOR! Help me!”

He heard a series of low growls and affectionate snarls. Having not the foggiest of what this could mean, he decided to venture forth.

“Hey,” protested a voice. “I was told you’d fall in a hole so I could mess with you.”

Gary Stu looked up and smiled. “Dear lad, there is no-“ suddenly a hole spawned, of which he fell through. “I hate you,” he snarled.

“Get in line,” said the cloaked figure as it laid back on a pile of nearby corpses.

“Who are you, anyway?”

“Me? I’m…” suddenly the figure’s personality, accent, and charm all died off. “Undesignated NPC #1138.”

“Get me out of this pit,” commanded Gary Stu.

“I was commanded not to, central protagonist”

“Wh-what?!”

“The New Author has instructed me to keep you in that pit.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where the hell am I?!” yelled Ran, sitting up suddenly. He realized a large crowd of beachwear-clad tourists had clustered around him.

“You’re at the checkpoint-island resort of Magna Excipe,” said one of the locals with a heavy accent. “You’re about a hundred paces away from Hotel Excipe.”

Ran straightened up. “Resort you say? I could get used to this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub sat up as well, and came to his surprise that he was not a resort, nor the central protagonist any longer. Looking around, he came to discover he was actually in a shoddy motel room. He also realized now that he was a tertiary character, he’d probably get evn less screentime, and

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miror B. woke up surrounded by six vividly-dressed men, each sporting a different colour motif.

“Are you the Power Rangers?” he asked, still groggy.

“No way!” shouted the red ranger.

“We are, the magnificent-“ shouted the blue ranger.

“-Terrific!-“ added the green ranger.

“-Magnificent-“ threw in the purple ranger.

“-Eye-stabbingly gorgeous!” shouted the purple ranger.

“-Cool-“ nodded the Yellow Ranger.

“HEXAGON BROTHERS!” they all yelled together.

“Hexagon Brothers, count off! State your name, number and title to Master B.!
I’m Resix, number one, Capitol Red!”

“I’m Blusix, number two, Violent Blue!”

“Browsix, number four, Sticky Brown!”

“Purpsix at your service, number six, Feminine Purple!”

“Greesix here, number ten, Leafy Green!”

“Yellow Ranger, pleased to make your acquaintance. Number eleven, New Guy.”

“Wait!” shouted Resix. “Thirteen?! Men (and woman), I believe there are spies among us!”

“Egads!” yelled Greesix. “They must be… one us thirteen!”

“We’ll fuse, and then they’ll show up. Rainbow formation, everyone!” shouted out Blusix.

“Red!”

“Blue!”

“Green!”

“Purple!”

“Brown!”

“New guy!”

Together, the six jumped at each other at the same time and fused into one, much taller, man.

“Rainbow Six, reporting for duty!” he yelled with a deep voice.

“Are we going to get sued for this?” asked Miror B., shaking his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Eff Ecks landed in a small ditch in a landfill near Albuquerque.

“Oh, hey 4th wall. You seem… smashed.”

The 4th wall cried softly on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, I’ll still love you,” he said, patting its back.


~~~~END OF GARY STU: THE ADVENTURES OF A PROPER FANFISCTION: ~~~
CHAPTER 1

Z-nogyroP
28th June 2012, 10:13 PM
Well, that was... different. It's not often you see a fic within a fic. I'd also like to see a story about Mary, the girl whose floatee was popped by Kyurem. The monster.

EDIT: Rank up! Awesome!

Zibdas
30th June 2012, 6:16 AM
Gary Stu: The Adventure of a Proper Fanfiction
a fanfic by Black Kyurem
Chapter 2
no title needed now that the fic is better

“Can I get out now?!” begged Gary Stu. “I’ve been here for three freakin’ days!”

NPC #1138 shook his head slowly and emotionlessly, causing his robes to billow about. “I have been instructed to keep you in there.”

“Yeah yeah,” waved off Gary Stu, growing impatient. “Did he say why?”

“No. He said it would… ‘add a humorous undertone scathing the surface of post-modernism in the current century within New Hoenn.”

“That’s awfully intelligent for a dragon who only just learned to type.”

“Oh, and this arrived in the mail for you,” said the NPC emotionlessly as he tossed a book at Gary Stu.

“’ The New Modern Pre-Procedure Standard-Issue Manual for Escaping Pits, volume II.,’” Gary Stu read aloud. “Is he serious?”

The NPC stared blankly off into space and nodded. Rolling his eyes, Gary Stu opened the book.

“Prologue: Assessing and Understanding the History of the Pit
Chapter 1: Analysis of Pit Gear
Chapter 2: Estimation of your Pit’s Depth
Chapter 3: Documenting your Pit
Chapter 4: Pre-Assessment of Pit-Escaping Gear
Chapter 5: Assessment of Pit-Escape Gear
Chapter 6: Post-Assessment of Pit-Escape Gear
Chapter 7: Pre-Assessment of Pit…
This book is rubbish!” protested Gary Stu.

“It was just a distraction anyway,” said the NPC. Look at your feet.”

On the ground near Gary Stu were some fliers, one of which took his notice immediately.

“’Notice!
Your services are no longer needed. You are being replaced.
Thank you for your dedicated service and enjoy this complimentary bathrobe.’
“I’m being replaced?!” he shouted upon finishing reading. “What could replace ME! And I only just took charge!”

“Yes, but you’re very low in popularity, according to statistics. one reader even wished you dead,” said the NPC, devoid of emotion still.

“Who’s gonna replace me, then?!”

“Nob, of course. According to statistics, he is immensely popular.”

“What.”


Karate Guy Nob: The AWESOME Adventure of AWESOME KARATE things
a fanfic by Black Kyurem within a fanfic by Black Kyurem
Chapter 1

“HELLO!” shouted a fairly generic Black belt. “I am NOB! How do you DO?!”

A small girl wearing an inner tube came out from behind him. “And I’m Mary the Tuber♀!” she said sweetly. “Oh Master Nob, what miraculous adventure shall we have today?”

“TODAY?! Today we are going to… I DON’T KNOW! What say YOU, Tuber♀ Mary?!”

“Well-“ Mary started, but then she was stopped.

A massive, three-hundred foot tall dragon landed near them. Its yellow, pupil-less eyes seemed to bore right through her very mind. Several fangs jutted out painfully from its mouth, even when closed, and each oozed saliva and venom, indicating its hunger. Its large, oversized claws and chicken-esque posture did nothing to ease the fear the two were facing.

The dragon hung its mouth over Tuber♀ Mary, and it seemed to glare starvedly at her.

It reached down with its overbearing fangs….

And bit all her floaties in half, popping them instantly.

Laughing evilly, it flew away.

“WAAAA! MY FLOATIES!” screamed Mary.

“I know what WE WILL DO!” roared Nob. “We will find that dragon, and beat the crap otta him!”

“Yay!” sniffled Mary.

Then Nob grew an afro and collapsed.

Mary soon followed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wh-what?!” roared Black Kyurem from its typewriter. “What just happened?!”

“Afro!” shouted Miror B., stepping into the dimly lit room with Rainbow Six.

Then Black Kyurem grew an afro, which started viciously snarling and biting the dragon Pokémon.

“Noooo!” screamed the dragon, falling to its knees in pain.

“Now give up!” cried Miror B. triumphantly. “End this tomfoolery with statistics and Nob! Also-“

“Is this the part where we stop you?” moaned Eff Ecks. “I’m hungry.

Kyurem straightened out his notes and reorganized his papers. “Wanna go grab some burgers at McDiglett’s?” he asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dr. Gauss! The patient seems to have… no spine!” said a lovely nurse nearby.

Death slowly stood up and rubbed his head. “Where am I…?” he muttered.

The nurse rolled her eyes. “Stop goofing off, doctor! Of course you’re in Lilycove Hospital Service, where else would you be?”

“Not here?” suggested Death as he stood up and got his first view of his apparent assistant. Her… ‘tight’ figure was one that was appealing to his sore eye sockets, and her skin seemed so soft. And her eyes….

“Dr. Gauss! Come ON!” she said testily, dragging him down a clean, almost sterile-looking white hallway. Yanking on his robes, she forced him into a small room where a patient was sitting on a bed with her innards exposed.

“Gross,” gagged Death.

“No time for jokes, doctor!” shouted the nurse, slapping him. “She woke up with no skeleton! What do we DO?!”

Death thought to himself for a little while. I haven’t gotten to mess around with anyone since, like, Chapter 3…. he mused. “I found out what the problem is!” he exclaimed.

His nurse clapped her hands together jovially. “I knew you would come through for us!”

“Yes, well…. patient, how are you feeling?”

“Like a person with no skeleton.”

“Can you see?”

“Yes.”

“Does it hurt to pee?”

“No.”

“Can you regurgitate A Very Model of a Modern Major General backwards while spinning and eating a nugget in a biscuit?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve discovered what the problem is. You have no skeleton!”

“Amazing!” praised the nurse.

“Also, I’m diagnosing you with mononucleosis, hailitosis, scolilosis, rabies, herpes, scolipediosos, Weezing Disease, hepatitis B, and that’s just surfacing the surface. Do you recall what happened?”

“I…. I ate a Max Revive, and then some people came and stole my skeleton and kidney.”

“I have the cure! Of course, they say laughter is the best medicine, so…” Death paused and examined his patient. He then shoved her off the bed. “Haha! You fell! I bet you’re feeling better already!”

“Actually, yes…” the patient replied nervously as the nurse helped her back up.

“Fill her lungs with bleach, pump several pounds of liquid pepperoni sticks into her heart, supercharge it with electricity, then see what happens,” commanded Death to his assistant, who nodded and immediately ran off to fetch the goods.

Upon fulfilling Death’s request, the nurse stood back in awe. Slowly, a new skeleton appeared.

“Wh-wha-?” he asked.

“Oh, Dr. Gauss, you’re a miracle worker! Now, if you come with me, we have a mute lunatic in the psychiatry ward that desperately needs your assistance. His room is designed like a motel, and he’s… well, he’s badly burnt, looks like he was smashed into the ground several times but is now recovering, and he desperately needs you.”

“Alright, I’m on it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ll take one Happy Meal!” roared Kyurem to the receptionist.

“Apples or fries?” she asked.

“I WILL TAKE APPLES PLEASE. I AM ON A DIET,” said Kyurem politely.

“And for you, sir?” she asked, motioning to Miror B.

“Ah, yes, I’ll take a groovy wild berry smoothie, and one of your new Disco Burgers,” said Miror B., working the order into his custom dance.

“And I’ll have a salad,” said Eff Ecks. “I need to keep my slender figure.”

The other three present people stared at him.

“Going to McDiglett’s to order a salad is like… like putting on music just to listen to it,” pointed out Miror B.

“I don’t care. My hair gets greasy when I eat burgers anyway,” replied Eff Ecks testily.

“It already is greasy.”

“Oh, shut up. How much will that be, receptionist?”

“Fifteen dollars and eighty-three cents,” she replied politely.

“Why are we paying in American dollars?” asked Kyurem. The others shrugged and went along with it, grabbing their meals and heading to a booth.

“So,” Kyurem asked in between mouthfuls of Torchic McNuggets and apples. “How have your guys’ lives been lately?”

“Oh, I can’t complain,” said Eff Ecks nonchalantly. “Ever since I revealed my status as a commander of Them, I have been allowed to slack off much more than before. Nothing really gets described these days.”

Miror B. nodded. “Same. Other than being trapped in a blank void for a few days, life is pretty lax.” He paused and looked around the restaurant. “Has anyone seen Rainbow Six?”

“Can’t say I have,” replied Eff Ecks, looking around him nervously. “Should we be worried?”

“I don’t know, which is just the problem,” said Miror B., growing concerned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Zub?!” Death asked incredulously. “What are you doing in my hospital?”

Zub shrugged and wrote the words “Gauss?” on a nearby chalkboard.

“It’s… it’s, uh, my middle name,” Death replied sheepishly.

“Doctor! This patient has a concussion!” shouted the nurse.

“Um, what?” asked Death, confused. “He’s fine. He’s a mute lunatic, but fine otherwise.”

The nurse produced a metal baseball bat from behind her back, and swung it with deadly aim and power at Zub.

“Oh my gersh, you’re right!” gasped Deaqth. “How did I not see it before?!”

“I don’t know, it’s sorta… obvious,” said the nurse sarcasticvally.

“I guess I’m just out of it today,” said Death sadly. “Fetch me a sock full of butter, and light it on fire. I’m hungry.”

“Right away sir!” she saluted before running off again. Upon returning, Death swiped the sock from her grasp and ate it in two bites.

“Right. Now onto this near-dead guy. His blood is totally ruining the carpet…” Death trailed off. “I know! Can I see your baseball bat?”

“Um…. sure?”

Death took the bat and bludgeoned Zub several times with it.

“That’s for soiling my carpet, jerk.” He hit Zub with it a few more times, just in case.

“So…. how do we help him, doctor?” the nurse asked.

“Help him?”

“Yes. That’s sorta why we have you two here.”

“Oh yes. Ahhhh….” Death trailed off in thought. “And I can’t smash him a little more?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well…. we could always…. Medicine is hard,” Death said grumpily. “Fill his mouth with Super Potions!”

“But what about the side effects?!” the nurse protested.

Death laughed maniacally. “So far as we know, they don’t exist in this continuity!”

“It lists them on the package!”

“WHO IS THE DOCTOR HERE,” Death yelled.

“You.”

“WHO HAS A MEDICAL DEGREE.”

“Also you.”

“THEN FEED HIM THE SUPPPPAAAAAAAHS!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran sipped his piña colada cheerfully, enjoying the all-inclusive vacation in Magna Excipe.

Then his head began ringing.

He really wished it wouldn’t, as he was trying to enjoy a vacation.

Ring-ring-ring, phone call, phone call! Ran now wished he hadn’t downloaded the ringtone from classicanimetones.communism.

But it wouldn’t shut up, so he had no choice.

He had to answer it.

“Hello, yes?” he sighed impatiently into the speaker. On the other end was a series of heavy breathing.

“Hi. This is… this is Youngster Joey,” the caller breathed. “Is this… Ran Cossack?”

“Unfortunately…” muttered Ran.

“Yes! I must tell you, my Rattata is in the top percentage of Rattata, for sure! I mean, I’m totally sure of it by now, he’s so strong! I measured his…. fang, and it’s 2.73 centimeters now! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT OHMAIGAWSH and I was all ‘WHOOOOOA-“

Ran hung up.

A hotel staff member walked up to him, holding a cellular phone. She handed it to ran, whispering, “It’s for you.”

Ran begrudgingly put the phone to his hear.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!’ AND SO ME AND RATTATA WERE ALL WE’RE GONNA GET SOME MUCH STRONGER NOW AND-“

“Shut up!” groaned Ran.

“E-excuse me?” Joey stammered.

“Please shut up,” Ran repeated. “You’d do us all a favor.”

“Don’t… don’t do this to me!” sobbed Joey. “O-or else!”

“Or else what?” Ran asked, clearly not believeing Joey was a threat.

Joey leaned over to Ran. “Or else I will find you, and ruin your life!” he hissed.

Ran couldn’t help but jump so much he completely fell out of his lounge cair. Picking himself out of the hot beach sand, he looked up, alarmed. “W-weren’t you just in Johto?!”

“Of course not!” replied Joey, bursting with happiness. “I was watching you from the shrubs over there!”

“Then why call me?!”

“I was afraid you’d think I’m a stalker if you knew I followed you here.”

“You FOLLOWED me here?!” exclaimed Ran.

“Of course. After that mute lunatic guy left Johto, I needed a new passion besides Rattata! And then you came, and set my heart ABLAZEwith your fury, your motives, your everything!”

“So you followed me here,” Ran repeated dryly.

“Of course.”

“Get out of my life!” screamed Ran shrilly as he took off running into the metropolis. Joey chuckled and engaged a pursuit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Will he live?” asked the nurse, tears beginning to fill her eyes.

Death stopped jumping on Zub’s chest for a moment. “I have not finished taking the X-ray!” he proclaimed and jumped a few more times. Finally halting, he looked down.

Zub shot up, knocking Death off balance, and began to heavily hyperventilate.

“See?” said Death, kicking Zub in the face one more time. Nothing to worry about.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

“Mmph, I’m stuffed,” burped Miror B., rubbing his stomach. “Thanks for the lunch Kyurem.”

Kyurem nodded. “It was my pleasure. So… what do?”

“We could go back to killing each other,” said Eff Ecks, toying with his Void Cube.

“I suppose... but where’s the fun in that?” asked Kyurem sadly.

“You could just give up.”

Kyurem never had a chance to respond as the McDiglett’s began exploding.

“Why does every chapter end with explosions, or fire, or something?" asked Miror B.

Z-nogyroP
30th June 2012, 2:14 PM
This was a good chapter. I love Ran's interactions with Joey, although I never pictured him to be a stalker. :/

I can't believe they serve Torchic McNuggets. I suppose it makes sense, though, because the Torchic can light the oil on fire, and then be cooked. It actually sounds good.

Kyurem on a diet XD

Miror B. is right. Every chapter somehow ends with something exploding, setting on fire, or something. It's funny, especially when it happens for no particular reason. Hmm, maybe you could do a chapter about why everything explodes so easily!

Also, at the very end, you accidentally called McDiglett's McDonald's. Only mistake I caught.

...

Kyurem on a diet XD

Zibdas
2nd July 2012, 8:30 AM
Too Much Freetime presents....
Chapter 17: Normality


“Doctor Gemini, fetch me the status report…. incoherently!” yelled Death, getting into the swing of things, to his faithful but sadly underused Sableye. “I hope you realize I meant immediately because I wouldn’t have caught it if I wasn’t reading the German subtitles!” he added.

Gemini nodded, saluting. “Tak, śmierć mistrz! Od razu, Śmierć Mistrzu! Czy mogę odebrać reaktor jądrowy, a ja jestem obecnie?”

“Why you’re smart enough to talk, but not in English escapes me,” sighed Death, rubbing his temple. “But yes, go ahead.” The Sableye nodded and bounded off.

“So, nurse…” Death continued, now looking at his assistant, of whom he had grown a sudden lust…. to kill. “Wanna… hug me?”

“No.”

“Step on that chainsaw I left running in the gym?”

“No.”

“Dang nabbit,” he swore.

“Anyway, doctor,” she said, trying to get him back on track. “We have another patient. He saw ‘a giant purple bird swoop down and steal his boat’, which gave him a heart attack.”

“Ugh. Fine, I’ll do it,” Death muttered, reaching for his vice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran turned down an alley and hid behind a dumpster, hoping he was safe. All morning he had been running from this lunatic who wanted to tell him EVERY detail about his stupid purple rat.

Ran was wrong. About the safe part; the second part was very true.

Joey peeked out of the dumpster and giggled. “Hello again,” he whispered softly.

“Commie Blaster!” Ran yelled, obliterating the dumpster. Admiring his handwork, he took off again.

Joey just stood up, brushed the ash and debris off his shorts and skipped after Ran.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miror B. sat up and rubbed his afro. Looking around, he noticed that Kyurem was struggling for consciousness and Eff Ecks was having a seizure. Since you can’t be dead if you’re having a seizure, he figured that both of them are probably alright.

Then he turned to Rainbow Six.

“Seriously dude, what the hell?!” he asked, gesturing behind him. “This was my third favourite Diglett-themed restaurant with a clown mascot!”

Rainbow Six rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’m sorry boss, but the golden fish told me to…”

Miror B. scowled. “But seriously, why does everything here blow up so easily anyway?”

“Oh, the golden fish told me a very interesting fact about that.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Apparently, he’s too poor to afford either ink or somewhere online to put us…”

“So?”

“So… he types the fic out of Explodium,” finished Rainbow Six.

“So… because our author is too cheap to use real methods, he creates our world out of an easily exploding material,” Miror B. repeated hollowly.

“Yup.”

“Well, that’s good to know. I’m certain it won’t be used for evil purposes in the future,” Miror B. stated merrily. “Anyway, let’s save Eff Ecks. Poor guy. And while we’re at it, let’s all go to a movie.”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know. Have you seen Bra*beep* yet?”

“Nope. Nice censorship, by the way,” complimented Rainbow Six.

“Thank you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death continued impatiently beating his patient’s lungs with a rubber mallet as Zub and his unnamed nurse hovered uncomfortably close by. “Weee,” he said sarcastically as the patient began recovering.

“Sometimes…. sometimes I like to lie on the floor and pretend I’m a carrot,” moaned his patient contentedly.

“Yeah yeah, that’s nice,” said Death, who began poking the small intestine. “Say, do you think you’ll need this?”

“Yes.”

“Oh well,” Death said and threw it in the rubbish bin. “You’re better now.”

“Oh, thank you doctor!” the patient cried as he ran out of the room.

I am such a hero,” Death noted.

The nurse nodded as Zub rolled his eyes.

“Maybe they should call it… Death: The Adventures of Autopsy.”

The nurse stomped on his foot.

Zub released a Pokéball from his betl.

Ah yes, quite so, murmured Tango, getting up and mopping up the spilled tea off the floor. Terribly sorry, just dropped my spot ‘o tea…

“…Robot in the hospital! It’s nightmare #487 come true… again!” screamed the nurse as she fainted.

Oh, dear. Terribly sorry, missus, but I come to deliver a message from young Zub. ‘Shouldn’t we be going?’ he asks..

“Ugh, fine. I think Ran is in some metropolitan paradise anyway. We should go there.”

And so, Death, forgetting all about the other patients he was somehow curing even though no one knew how, left the building and left them all to an unconscious nurse and a staff gone for the assistant head executive janitor’s wedding.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We can’t go to the movies,” Eff Ecks whined. “We need to wrap up this sub-plot and stop Kyurem!”

“I knew we should have left him in the seizure,” Miror B. whispered to Rainbow Six, who agreed wholly.

“Mortal fools!” bellowed Kyurem, losing his former demeanor. “I shall consume you! …metaphorically, of course. I’m still on my diet,” he added hastily.

“And how do we kill you?”: asked Miror B.

“You cannot! The 4th Wall is providing my existence! And no one is near the 4th wall! NO ONE!”

“Actually, come to think of it, there WAS one guy… but he left…” glared Miror B. Eff Ecks teleported away.

“So… how many carbs do you have?” Kyurem awkwardly asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m so sorry it had to end this way,” Eff Ecks cooed to the sobbing 4th Wall. “But I must, I really must, you know that, yeah? I hate to do it, even after all the time we’ve spent together as forgotten characters in this ditch…” his voice trailed off. “But I must,” he finally concluded.

The 4th Wall sniffled and attempted to stifle a sob.

Eff Ecks turned to you.

Yes, you, dear reader. You.

“Did you know,” he stated calmly, “that, according to recent, metafictional surveys we took, three out of ten people find this story at least three percent more interesting than the leading brand of instant noodles?”

“It’s not working!” cried the 4th Wall desperately.

“Um…. er…” panicked Eff Ecks, now having to rush. “Hello…. Reader. I am SO glad you managed to read all the way here. This might be the point where I insult you, or make a metafictional comment, but I’m a little uncomfortable with that. It would seem like a cheap trick, no?

So… I thought I could use this space to find some of the most wonderful things about YOU. In fact, some of the things I would use to describe you best.

‘That’s a lovely skirt you may or may not be wearing. It goes majestically with the plot of this fanfiction.’

‘I adore the way you look at your monitor like that! It’s like you were made to look at it!’

‘You know what I love most about you, Reader? That we work so well together. Also your skirt.’

‘I simply HAVE to know where you got your haricut, it looks so cute!’” Eff Ecks looked at the 4th Wall, who was starting to shatter and was shivering uncontrollably.

“I didn’t want to do this,” he sighed. “But you, Reader, are my favourite reader, as in, ever! Of all time. But be quiet. I don’t want the other readers getting jealous.” He glanced over and noticed the 4th wall somewhat intact.

“Oh, for Death’s sake,” he mumbled. “How else can I smash this poor, miserable guy?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

“Wow,” whistled Kyurem. “I could eat, like, five of you and still maintain my figure.”

“I know, right? I try to keep myself in the best dancing form possible in case a dragon on a diet attempts to eat me.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

“No. It was disco sarcasm.”

“How could I have been so blind?!” Kyurem gasped, smacking itself.

“You… never asked the broom?” asked Miror B., pointing to a broom.

“So, broom….” Kyurem began awkwardly. “How are you?”

“Em pleh!” the broom screamed. “Moorb denrut otni a mroob!”

“What kind of broom is this?” asked Kyurem.

Miror B. pushed the broom over. “There!” he cried triumphantly.

“¡lɐnpıʌıpuı pǝpɐǝɥ-snoqlnq 'ɯooɹq ɐ llıʇs ɯ,I” the broom yelled.

“Ah, yes. That is quite the problem,” he replied.

“Do you have any idea of what it’s whispering?” asked Kyurem to Miror B.

“Not a clue. I think he’s speaking Dutch or Amish or something.”

“Everyone seems to be fluent in some foreign language,” sighed Kyurem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

“…I swear, I’m very well-read!” pleaded Eff Ecks to the reader as the 4th Wall cried to itself. “I mean, there was that one where the afro-man whose name I’ve never bothered to learn was a gym leader, andf that one with the drunk that everyone loved, and…. and… I can’t take it any more!” screamed Eff Ecks. “I can’t do this alone!”

“Then I shall help you,” said the Author wisely, his slick black hair pulled into a wave of gorgeous flying hair in the wind-

“Cut it out,” snapped Eff Ecks. “That’s my job. And you couldn’t have come any sooner? I mean, two authors talking is the perfect way to smash this wall to oblivion!”

“Ah…. I was busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Important stuff, like…. like exactly not having Rick turn all the pebbles in my garden exactly thirty-five point eight degrees to their slightly more attractive side, definitely not!”

“That’s an oddly specific detail.”

“But wholly irrelevant!”

Eff Ecks took a moment to rub his face after slapping it too hard. “Okay. So we have to break he fourth wall as much as possible. Tell me about the Authors Five you’ve mentioned previously, though only in passing.”

“Well, they consist of five authors, that are all fictional-“

“WHAT!”

“Personas of real personifications!” The Author concluded.

“How come I’ve never met them?”

“Remember that one time?” The Author had to struggle to contain his laughter.

“You said you would never tell!”

“And you said that chocolate cows laughed out chocolate milk. I guess we can’t all have what we want.”

“Fine. Whatever. But who else is in the group?”

“You, me, Machiavelli-“

“Machyiavelli is in our staff?!” Eff Ecks exclaimed. “This is so am-“

“Machiavelli is the name of my goldfish.”

“I…er… wha?”

“I named my goldfish Machiavelli.”

“And you entrusted it with the sacred position of ‘author’.”

“Yes,” the Author confirmed.

“What does ‘Machiavelli’ do?”

“He’s the Stunt Double for… everyone.”

“Alright… I’ll buy it. Who are the last two?”

The Author thought for a moment/ “Next up is Glitter.”

“’Glitter?’ What does…. ‘Glitter’ do?” Eff Ecks was by now very curious.

“She comes up with what all the characters do.”

The FX guy scratched his chin. “Why have I never met her?”

“She’s in a straight jacket, in a room made entirely out of mattresses, and she’s a psychotic murderer.”

“You know, oddly enough, so much of this fic is starting to make sense. anyway, who’s the last guy?”

“The Editor-in-Chief. I’ve never actually met him, but I think he’s a fish too. I call him Fishlips but it’s not very polite and he doesn’t like it.”

“You don’t even know who your Editor-in-Chief is?”

“Not a clue!” the Author confirmed merrily.

Glancing over his shoulder, Eff Ecks was relieved. “The 4th Wall is almost dead!” he yelled jovially.

“Oh, you wanted to smash it?” asked The Author curiously. “That’s easy.” He took in a deep breath.

“AAAAUTHOR…. PAWNCH!” screamed the Author, hitting the wall and smashing it completey and entirely, as well as some surrounding fabric of the space-time continuum,

“Because that’s never been done before,” muttered Eff Ecks. “Reghardless, thanks for the help.”

“No problemo. See you at next week’s ice cream social!” cried the Author as he disappeared once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

“All right, 4th wall’s dead!” Miror B. chanted happily. “NOW TO END YOUR LIFE, KYUREM.”

Kyurem whimpered.

“Afro Afro…. ABSORPTION!” Miror B yelled as his afro grew to a tremendous size, leaned towards Kyurem, and devoured him whole.

“Well, that was an anticlimactic end,” muttered Miror B. unhappily. “Oh well. At least I got lunch.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Somewhere very distant, an evil voice chuckled softly to himself in the sinister Dark Room. “Right into my trap,” he mused to himself. “I thank thee for ridding me of my first bothersome lock; the 4th wall.”

“Sir, why is it so dark?” asked an intern.

“To be more ominous. And you couldn’t have waited until the chapter’s end to ask that?” he replied grumpily.

“Oh! I think I found the problem!” he said happily as the lights flicked back on. “There you go, boss!”

The golden Magikarp glared at his new hire from across the room. “Fetch me some coffee, Intern Paco, and take the rest of the day off,” he moaned unhappily

Z-nogyroP
2nd July 2012, 4:00 PM
That was probably one of your best chapters. No more 4th wall, so that should create more humor. This also did explain so much of the story. Why everything explodes, why it's so crazy and random(what was he thinking?), yeah. I hope we see more of Joey! The thing I'm wondering is, if everyone hates his phone calls, why does everyone accept his number? Or even answer?

Kyurem was eaten. I wonder how that'll affect BW2...

GalladeofSpades
2nd July 2012, 8:36 PM
Here for the review game. And let me say...

omg u suck nevr rit agein

nah. This is awesome. I'm still a bit behind chapters(finished reading chapter 9), but I'll catch up... eventually. xD

On to the review:

Let me start with this: SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. THE RANDOM. I LUV IT. It reminds me of better days. ;.;
You execute the randomness and overuse of clichés astonishingly well. The multiple references you made to other series, PLUS the copyright infrigement jokes were my favourite.

On to the characters. Death. I love him. Let me kidnap him and make him my slave. >8D I just love the way you portray him as a giddy, over-enthusiastic, non people... spirit that loves shiny stuff. Ran is probably who I like the least, but that's probably because I don't get the comunism jokes. <--- Does not understand politics
My fave is probably Miror B. A certain user I know would probably LOVE this fic just because of him.

Your description, from what I've read, CAN get a bit confusing. For me at least. But, most of the time, you portray what you want us to imagine quite well. A bit of advice: Don't put too many jokes in a single chappie. Trust me, I've done it on That Show and now I can't seem to have many ideas. Then again, I've only read until Chapter 9, so you might have actually stopped doing this.

Grammar is probably your weakest point here. As some users point out, you have alot of flaws in your writing, that can be noticed after proofreading calmly. You might want to slow down a bit after writing the chapter and read it calmly, as if you're a reviewer. (so sorry if I'm pretty much insinuating you post things without proofreading them; not my intention, I swear)

Honestly, keep on at it. This fic has promise. LOTS OF IT.

Review End

PS:
He had no beef. Zub was beefless.

OMIGOD DID YOU JUST REFERENCE FAWFUL? 8D

Zibdas
2nd July 2012, 9:01 PM
That was probably one of your best chapters. No more 4th wall, so that should create more humor. This also did explain so much of the story. Why everything explodes, why it's so crazy and random(what was he thinking?), yeah. I hope we see more of Joey! The thing I'm wondering is, if everyone hates his phone calls, why does everyone accept his number? Or even answer?
you say that like they have a choice


Kyurem was eaten. I wonder how that'll affect BW2...
I'd like to think this occurs a few years after all the games, when the world has gone to rubbish. And besides, he wasn't eaten; he was consumed within the afro.

Yay big review

Here for the review game. And let me say...

omg u suck nevr rit agein
Never Ritz again? But I love those crackers! :'c


nah. This is awesome. I'm still a bit behind chapters(finished reading chapter 9), but I'll catch up... eventually. xD[/qupte]
It doesn't help that they're all so short... like a bunch of midgets. Midget chapters. Yeeeah.

[QUOTE=GalladeofSpades;14776826]On to the review:

Let me start with this: SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. THE RANDOM. I LUV IT. It reminds me of better days. ;.;
You execute the randomness and overuse of clichés astonishingly well. The multiple references you made to other series, PLUS the copyright infrigement jokes were my favourite.
Better days? I wish I was older then. ;-;
I have no idea how many other series I've referenced.... I have a list somewhere, it's big.


On to the characters. Death. I love him. Let me kidnap him and make him my slave. >8D I just love the way you portray him as a giddy, over-enthusiastic, non people... spirit that loves shiny stuff. Ran is probably who I like the least, but that's probably because I don't get the comunism jokes. <--- Does not understand politics
My fave is probably Miror B. A certain user I know would probably LOVE this fic just because of him.
well what are you waiting for introduce this to him
If you don't understand communism you will not understand Ran. Just pretend he's not there. Like a cactus, sitting in the middle of your kitchen. Totally inconspicuous.


Your description, from what I've read, CAN get a bit confusing. For me at least. But, most of the time, you portray what you want us to imagine quite well. A bit of advice: Don't put too many jokes in a single chappie. Trust me, I've done it on That Show and now I can't seem to have many ideas. Then again, I've only read until Chapter 9, so you might have actually stopped doing this.
Given that most, if not all, of my jokes, references, and jabs are either accidental or made up on the spot, I'm not sure how this could apply. But I'll be wary.
As for descriptions; I make it confusing on purpose. Forces you to take control of the imaginative narrative.


Grammar is probably your weakest point here. As some users point out, you have alot of flaws in your writing, that can be noticed after proofreading calmly. You might want to slow down a bit after writing the chapter and read it calmly, as if you're a reviewer. (so sorry if I'm pretty much insinuating you post things without proofreading them; not my intention, I swear)
It's not? Because, to be very honest, I hate reading my own work, especially after writing it. this is probably why I fail at essays and the like
I mostly just correct myself as I go, if I notice it. If not, the people here usually catch it for me.


Honestly, keep on at it. This fic has promise. LOTS OF IT.

Review End
Hurray for an unexpected ending on your part!


PS:

OMIGOD DID YOU JUST REFERENCE FAWFUL? 8D
Yes. Yes I did.
i really need to find that list I've been keeping track of

Kutie Pie
3rd July 2012, 2:54 AM
I'm here as thanks for the review and so not for the review game.

I must say... I clicked on this story expecting some kind of adventure.

What I found... is hilarity.

A previous one-shot of mine is godawful while this story is godly. Seriously.

Though I will admit that while I was snickering my guts out (if I guffawed, my grandmother would want to know what I was laughing at), I was mind-blown all the same. I should've worn a helmet from the start. Thankfully, things started to fall into place for me around the time of Gordon's introduction, so it's been rather smooth thus far. The crazy randomness is still there, but not as ubiquitous as it was.

Wait...

It's hard to choose a character I enjoy, especially now that you're making connections with all of these characters. But as of recent, I'll have to say Death. Not that he wasn't awesome to begin with, he was rather charming from the start. And that's just it, he's charming, but I don't know why it is I'm loving this character. It could be the puns, the way he interacts with this crazy world around him... the way he puts up with Zub and Ran, I don't know. I just love him. Though Miror B. is really funny himself. You made his afro more awesome. Why isn't bobandbill all over this story by now?

I know there's a plot in here, but I think it's starting to go 'splodey on us again from the looks of it. And after all that time and energy putting it back together again, too. They can just never get a break, can they?

And despite all of this randomness and clichés that are going on (though admittedly, I don't know a whole lot of clichés to identify them from memory), it... it fits. I don't know how to describe it, but for whatever reason, this story works. I haven't read your other story for comparison, but I can tell you're having fun with this, and (kinda) running with it to the ends of the universe. And then some. (And of course, you have TV Tropes within reach.) Your references are clever, the ones I was able to get, anyway. (Currently, it's still the reference to The Lion King.)

Oh yeah, speaking about the style, I had gotten this Lemony Snicket vibe for the first few chapters, and then a new style came into play. Though I'm also getting another vibe, I just can't for the life of me pin-point it out. But you have an inspiration, I know you do, and it shows, whatever it is.

The only issue I have is your grammar, which is easily fixable.

Slap me on that PM list, Zibdas. I'd do it myself, but the monitor's not letting me for some odd reason.

Z-nogyroP
3rd July 2012, 3:00 AM
Wait, what? There's a PM list? Why was I not informed of this earlier? I want on, please. I've almost missed at least three chapters.

Zibdas
3rd July 2012, 3:41 AM
I'm here as thanks for the review and so not for the review game.
Hurray for deceptive honesty!


I must say... I clicked on this story expecting some kind of adventure.

What I found... is hilarity.
poor adventure. He was replaced with Hillary.


A previous one-shot of mine is godawful while this story is godly. Seriously.
I wouldn't say that. i mean, they're similar. Both involve psychopaths though yours only briefly) whose ultimate goal is to get everyone to have a bath.


Though I will admit that while I was snickering my guts out (if I guffawed, my grandmother would want to know what I was laughing at), I was mind-blown all the same. I should've worn a helmet from the start. Thankfully, things started to fall into place for me around the time of Gordon's introduction, so it's been rather smooth thus far. The crazy randomness is still there, but not as ubiquitous as it was.
None of this makes sense to me! :D
Seriously what is a guffaw



It's hard to choose a character I enjoy, especially now that you're making connections with all of these characters. But as of recent, I'll have to say Death. Not that he wasn't awesome to begin with, he was rather charming from the start. And that's just it, he's charming, but I don't know why it is I'm loving this character. It could be the puns, the way he interacts with this crazy world around him... the way he puts up with Zub and Ran, I don't know. I just love him. Though Miror B. is really funny himself. You made his afro more awesome. Why isn't bobandbill all over this story by now?
I think part of the reason is I accidentally offened him with something. Oh well.


I know there's a plot in here, but I think it's starting to go 'splodey on us again from the looks of it. And after all that time and energy putting it back together again, too. They can just never get a break, can they?
There's a plot. I (and everyone else, I should think) are still figuring it out though. Me to a lesser extent.


And despite all of this randomness and clichés that are going on (though admittedly, I don't know a whole lot of clichés to identify them from memory), it... it fits. I don't know how to describe it, but for whatever reason, this story works. I haven't read your other story for comparison, but I can tell you're having fun with this, and (kinda) running with it to the ends of the universe. And then some. (And of course, you have TV Tropes within reach.) Your references are clever, the ones I was able to get, anyway. (Currently, it's still the reference to The Lion King.)
The Lion King? I really need to find that list...



Oh yeah, speaking about the style, I had gotten this Lemony Snicket vibe for the first few chapters, and then a new style came into play. Though I'm also getting another vibe, I just can't for the life of me pin-point it out. But you have an inspiration, I know you do, and it shows, whatever it is.
lemony is the most delicious name i have ever heard My inspiration is to not suck. These reviews seem to indicate that I'm doing okay.


The only issue I have is your grammar, which is easily fixable.
My proofreader is on leave indefinitely. If he ever finds the time to get back to it, that's my solution. Until then... I don't know. I will have my sock puppet to do it.


Slap me on that PM list, Zibdas. I'd do it myself, but the monitor's not letting me for some odd reason.
Be nice to your monitor. It secretly has a crush on you.
Anyway, added. Hoorah!


Wait, what? There's a PM list? Why was I not informed of this earlier? I want on, please. I've almost missed at least three chapters.
Well, geez, I mean, it's only in the OP! Silly Gyro. YOu so silly.
Added as well.

Kutie Pie
3rd July 2012, 3:49 AM
I wouldn't say that. i mean, they're similar. Both involve psychopaths though yours only briefly) whose ultimate goal is to get everyone to have a bath.

Not that one, no. The one-shot I was referring to is old. Six years, I believe it has been.


None of this makes sense to me! :D
Seriously what is a guffaw

xD Guffaw is a guttural laugh of sorts. Think "BWAH HA HA".


There's a plot. I (and everyone else, I should think) are still figuring it out though. Me to a lesser extent.

And that's fine with me.


lemony is the most delicious name i have ever heard My inspiration is to not suck. These reviews seem to indicate that I'm doing okay.

Can't argue.


My proofreader is on leave indefinitely. If he ever finds the time to get back to it, that's my solution. Until then... I don't know. I will have my sock puppet to do it.

xD Maybe your sock puppet will be a good proofreader.


Be nice to your monitor. It secretly has a crush on you.

Oh gosh, is that why it keeps getting dirty o_O?

It's also fragile. Macs are fragile.

Zibdas
3rd July 2012, 3:57 AM
Not that one, no. The one-shot I was referring to is old. Six years, I believe it has been.
I tried searching and couldn't find it, since you have several threads that are six years old. One of which was good enough to apparently get a sticky. And maybe I have an inferiority complex, but my las attempt was rubbish.


xD Guffaw is a guttural laugh of sorts. Think "BWAH HA HA".
So... like a sheep


And that's fine with me.
Less work now; more thoughts later




Can't argue.
unless... you were all paid to like it?! :o



xD Maybe your sock puppet will be a good proofreader.
Never mind that. He's sooooo fired. I cannot believe he just tried to bite me.




Oh gosh, is that why it keeps getting dirty o_O?

It's also fragile. Macs are fragile.
oo, so scandalous

Anyway, thank you for the reviews people, it was very motivating and uplifting. If anyone cares, Chapter.... whichever comes next is in the works. (starting now... i mean in ten minutes) I swear, less openly-psychopathic characters this one!

GalladeofSpades
3rd July 2012, 8:42 PM
Be nice to your monitor. It secretly has a crush on you.



Oh gosh, is that why it keeps getting dirty o_O?


Sigged. SO HARD.

Anyway, I've finally finished reading these chapters, and... holy god, you're a god at this. Again, apart from the grammar issues, this is awesome. keep at it.

There's a PM list? ADD ME ZIBBEH.

Zibdas
5th July 2012, 5:08 AM
Don't forget, I'm still open for suggestions to what Pokémon characters should catch/bonus chapter ideas
Chapter 18: Settling Down... Kinda


“Well, this is certainly new,” commented Death as he and Zub walked down the main street of Magna Excipe’s sprawling metropolitan area. “Nobody trying to steal the story, no one trying to kill us, no giant Pokémon trying to destroy everything we love… No creepy, underage, rodent-obsessed children following us around.”

Death paused and thought for a moment.

“Yep, this is the good life,” he announced.

Suddenly a bunch of police came running by.

“Whoa,” he said stunned. “Since when does the world have police that do anything? I’ve been to countless dimensions, video games, read other people’s fics… there were no police!”

One of the officers turned to him. “Oh, us? We’re not really doing anything. But we’re all really thirsty so we’re going to Kanto to con people into feeding us.?”

“How corrupt,” mused Death. “I love it.”

The officers went on their way as Death turned to Zub. “You know what we need?”

Zub stopped sipping his lemonade and looked at Death.

“We need to con some rich guy into giving us stuff!” Death announced proudly. “Come now, there’s a tall building over there, that means there’s at least one rich guy there…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran looked down at Joey. As he slowly gained consciousness, he realized he was duct-taped to the ceiling.

“Um, hello?” he called. “Yes, hello, I seem to be stuck…!”

Joey slowly woke up and looked up at his victim. “So you are!” he called back.

“Do you suppose you could let me down?!” asked Ran. He realized there was a ton of noise going on everywhere.

“Muppet Fu should set keys down?!” repeated Joey, confused.

“No. Let me down!”

“Set your crown?”

“Let me down!”

“Fret pee frown?!” asked Joey, more confused than ever.

“You’re hopeless!” cried out Ran in frustration.

“No, I don’t eat fish!” replied Joey.

“You’re Jewish?” Ran asked.

“Bless you!”

“Oh, this is impossible…” moaned Ran.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is a lot of stairs,” wheezed Death. “I’m glad I can’t sweat, else my Hawaiian shirt would be SOAKED!” he laughed, rubbing the floral print on his polo shirt.

Zub, meanwhile, was using the elevator.

“Oh man, if only there was an elevator!” coughed Death. I’ve been running, and I’m only on the 151st floor! There’s like ninety more!”

Zub tapped his foot to the elevator music. He couldn’t help but wonder how terrible of a gym theme (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ydpBBi6gAs&feature=relmfu) it would be.

“We’re almost there!” Death cried out to the Zub that wasn’t following him. “Then… we scam!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now…. a special, NEVER BEFORE SEEN (by mortals) LOOK INTO THE WORLD OF ZUB’S VILLAGE
WOOOOOOOO

“-And then I was like, ‘jiggly moon biscuits!’ and she was all ‘WOWBAGGER ZOIDBERG MUFFIN’ and of course I HAD to repeat-“ continued on Mama Pants before her audience, the elder, slapped her.

“Please shut up,” he begged.

“Why, I never! I’m going to tell Leather about this!”

“Jean, please, just…. Hey, what is that?” the elder asked, pointing to a shaking mound of earth.

Then, an overly buff teenager burst out of it, unusually well kept for being under there for several weeks now.

And for being dead. But this doesn’t matter. He was covered in dirt, man.

“WHERE’S THAT PUNK?!” Galidor roared, pulling himself out of the earth.

“G-Galidor… is that really you?!” gasped the elder, for once not being able to blame something on senility.

“FLEGMON! Hell yeah I’m back!” he yelled angrily. “Now where did you send that idiot?!”

“Oh… we, uh, sent him in your place,” the elder said nervously, twiddling his thumbs.

“WHAT?!” Galidor roared, enraged. “But I wanted to kill stuff! He’s just a mute lunatic!”

“We thought you were dead!” protested Mrs. Pants.

“Do I look dead to you?”

“Yes,” replied the elder earnestly.

“Whatever, Flegmon. just get my posse.” unhitching a Pokéball from his belt, he released a small, spherical Pokémon that seemed to be emitting puffs of noxious gas. “Let’s party, Dogars.”

The Koffing scowled. “Pardon me, mademoiselle, but I am most indubitably a Koffing, old chap. I didn’t even get any tea or crumpets while you were dead!” Mrs. Pants couldn’t help but notice that he drew out and rolled his ‘r’s’, giving it a luscious, foreign sound.

“Shut up Dogars,” replied Galidor as he stormed off, Dogars following unhappily along.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death heaved himself out of the stairwell and into the office on the top floor of the enormous building, where Zub and the person in charge were awkwardly staring at each other.

“I’ve noticed your friend doesn’t talk,” the man pointed out uneasily. “Wait, so first we have this silent guy… and now we have Death. Is this weird to anyone else?”

“Finally someone notices!” cheered Death.

“Yes,” the man stated. “Why are you here?”

Death frowned. “Who says I’m here?”

“I can see you right here, in my office.”

Nope, I’m definitely not here.”

“But you’re right there!” the man protested loudly.

Zub quietly sipped his lemonade.

“What if…. what if I’m not here, and only you can see me?”

“But, I-“

“What if NOTHING exists, and only you can see it?” gasped Death. The man looked flabbergasted.

“I’m kidding, duh. Anyway, we need money.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… what brings you here?” asked Miror B. to the two newcomers to the small, pristine-yet-posh room the four of them were now in.

“Take over the world, they said,” Gary Stu grumpily mumbled.

“It will be fun, they said,” continued Mary Sue.

Eff Ecks adjusted the glasses on his nose. “Well, welcome to the Reformation Society for Ex-Villains,” he said, warmly smiling. “RSEV, for short.”

Miror B. handed them a decently-sized book.

“”How to be Bad at Bad- Or, Stop Being Evil, What Are You Doing with Your Life?’” Gary Stu read aloud.

“It’s what we live by!” said Miror B., patting his afro.

Gary Stu hesitantly opened the book. ‘Chapter 1: How to Read This Book,’” he said, confused.

“Oh, look. That’s helpful,” Mary Sue mumbled sarcastically. “’If you’re reading this first sentence, you’re probably doing a good job. If not, you may want to try kindergarten again.’”

“Glad we don’t have to go to kindergarten, yay!” said Gary Stu, similarly sarcastic.

“Say, where’s Kyurem?” asked Mary Sue, looking around. “He said he’d be here?”

“Oh, I am,” mumbled Miror B.’s afro embarrassedly. “Believe me.”

“Does it always do that?” asked Mary Sue.

“Not usually, but Kyurem is trapped in there,” explained Eff Ecks patiently.

“I see.”

“So, uh…”

“Yeah…”

“Hey, guys! Wanna make some kids cry before we start our official meeting?!” asked Miror B. jovially.

“Yeah, okay,” shrugged Mary Sue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran continued to lay, attached to the ceiling of a back alley and wondered.

He wondered why this kid was following him.

He wondered if everyone else had similar experiences with him.

He also wondered, most importantly, how Youngster Joey had managed to duct tape himself to the ceiling too.

“You’re embarrassing yourself,” Ran pointed out in a matter-of-fact voice.

“BUT RATTY, MY TOP-PERCENTAGE RATTATA’S BEST FRIEND SAYS I’M AWE_”

Ran glared at him to shut him up. “Do your parents even love you?”

“My Rattata’s parents do.”

“What about your real parents?”

“Dunno. I was raised by Raticate.”

“That explains so much.”

“So…. I’m bored,” moaned Joey. “I can’t reach my phone to call anyone obsessively…”

That answers the second question noted Ran.

“Hey! We should have a Pokémon battle!”

“What?”

Joey grinned insanely. “You have a Pokémon, don’t you? Well, let’s battle to pass the time!”

Ran had to admit this was a decent point and he unhinged the blue lunchbox from his chest to release Ranshao.

Joey smiled ecstatically. “Weeee!” he cried out. “Go, my adorable Ratta!”

“Shocker,” said Ran. “Anyway, Ranshao, let’s show him who’s boss! Use-” Ran was interrupted by Joey yelling.

“Rattata, use Super Fang!”

Rattata’s fangs grew exceptionally before glowing blue, when he leapt at Ranshao and began gnawing at the poor Magby’s foot. Ranshao looked at Ran for suggestions.

“Okay, now use Flamethrower!” yelled Ran.

Ranshao looked confused and tilted its head appropriately.

“You know… fire. Like, flame. Burn. Die,” Ran explained patiently. “Now throw it.”

Ranshao nodded knowingly and inhaled sharply. Exhaling, it sent out a flurry of flames that took the shape of an arm as it was spewed. Joey’s Rattata frowned at the intense heat and attempted to escape to no avail.

“Skull Bash!” Joey cried out desperately. “And… Bubblebeam at the same time!”

“Oi!” protested Ran. “Those are Generation I-exclusive TM moves!”

“That’s before my time,” pointed out Joey. “Besides, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“It’s illegal now. You used… an Action Replay!” yelled Ran.

“MAN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” replied Joey.

Meanwhile, Rattata coated itself in bubbles and threw itself at Ranshao, headfirst. I won’t go into details over Skull Bash, due to a copyright infringement of a movie no one has seen in the last three decades and no one will care about except the director.

The director who sued us.

Anyway, the point is, Ranshao took some serious damage,

Ran’s attention was shifted thanks to his injured Pokémon. “Oh, right the battle…” he mumbled embarrassedly. “Oh, um, Ranshao, use…. Hidden Power.”

Ranshao unhinged its jaw.

Everyone was disturbed.

Then a swarm of evil demons and angry spirits flew out of it and at Joey’s Rattata, damaging it.

Ranshao burped and smiled sweetly as Rattata shivered in fear.

“On the bright side,” said Ran serenely. “At least I know what its Hidden Power is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The man leaned forward and positioned his head into his palm. “So, what you mean to tell me is that you want money so you can spend it all on lemonade, a morgue, some communism hats, a leaf blower, a blowtorch, several explosives, and whatever else comes to mind,” he repeated.

“Yes sir,” affirmed Death, nodding.

“How about…. no?” suggested the man.

Death frowned. “I don’t believe that was one of the options.”

The man leaned back and laughed. “Do you talk a lot?”

“All the time!”

“Well, I have a challenge. I will give you five bucks for every minute you manage to shut up.”

“May a member of my party do it for me?”

“Sure.”

Detah thrust Zub in front of him and ran out of the office, laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youngster Ian walked happily away from his school on the last day of the semester.

“Life is so good once I realized standing in one spot all my life was stupid,” he said, whistling a tune. “Though I will admit I miss Goldenrod, I love it here. And Dad will love that I got all A’s this term instead of all C’s like last year!”

“Oh, but he won’t see.”

Youngster Ian looked around, surprised. “What?” he asked.

“He won’t see,” reaffirmed the voice. “Because I’m taking it!” Suddenly, Gary Stu ran from around the corner, grabbed Youngster Ian’s report card, and took off.

Ian began to cry. “Oh no! Now Dad won’t believe this happened! He’ll think I got a bad report card and I’m afraid to show him after last time!”

“Heehee!” giggled Gary Stu, running at full-force. “I made someone cry!”

=====================================

Miror B. saw a child by the bay and laughed. He pretended to see him and casually walked over.

“HELLO KID I ARE GENERIC TRAINER MAN. I SAW YOU. BATTLE ME!” he said, releasing a Sudowoodo.

“Suuuuuudowoodo!” chanted the Pokémon happily.

The kid turned around. “Go! Magikarp!” he yelled. “It was a present from my father!” he said happily.

“Bad news; your father never loved you,” sad Miror B.

“At least he didn’t name me ‘Generic Pokémon Trainer,’” pouted the child.

“Karp karp,” agreed the Magikarp.

Miror B. punted the Pokémon into the ocean.

“Take that, punk!” he roared triumphantly.

“Wait,” gasped the boy. “This is the moment! Whenever this happens, it means it will evolve into Gyarados! It always happens in works of fiction, the animé… everything!”

The two sat and stared at the spot where the Magikarp had fallen into.

“Sudowoodo?” asked Sudowoodo nervously.

They continued to stare at it.

“Give it a moment…” said the boy, reassuring only himself. And even then, by only a small amount.

Some bubbles rose to the surface.

“Hey, kid?” asked Miror B. “Did your Magikarp even know how to swim?”

“Nope. I had to give it an inner tube.”

“Uh.”

=====================================

Mary Sue stared at her target and was curious as to what it was. It looked almost like an unwrapped bar of chocolate, yet it has limbs and a face.

A very mopey face. It was crying and stuff.

She approached it. “Battle me!” she exclaimed, throwing herself in front of it.

It shook its head. “There’s no way I can win,” he sobbed.

“Not with that attitude,” she pointed out as suddenly the man seemed familiar.

“Just get rid of me now…” he moaned. Then it struck her.

“You’re Negative Man! From that one game…. I don’t know, something relating to being stuck on a planet,” she said with recognition.

He threw himself to the ground and began wailing. “I’m nothing but a worthless protoplasm.”

“So… does this count as today’s act of evi from me?” she asked.

“Everything hates me!” he cried as she began backing away slowly.

=====================================

“Eff Ecks?” the old man asked. “Is that really you?”

Eff Ecks really did not want to talk to this guy. He put on a sombrero and a very foreign moustache he had been keeping in his pocket for three years now. Excited to finally use them, he said in a deep, foreign accent, “No. No Mister Eff Ecks here.”

“Oh, okay,” the old man shrugged as he walked away/

Eff Ecks snickered.

Then a buff guy stepped in front of him.

“You want to mess with men?!” he yelled. “Mess with real men!” his shirt flew off, exposing his large pecs.

“Oh yeaH?” Eff Ecks taunted. “Real men cry beards. Can you do this?”

The buff guy ran away crying. “It was the only thing at The Manly Academy of Manliness, founded by Hubert J. Mann that I couldn’t do!” he wept.

=====================================

Eff Ecks unfolded his legs as he finished speaking. Everyone else clapped appreciatively.

“Well, I’m glad that everyone put in a hard day’s work!”aid Miror B., smiling gleefully. “Except you, Kyurem, you’ll have to try harder!”

“So sue me.”

Miror B. shrugged and nodded. “If you insist. Anyway, so after this, tomorrow we stop!”

“But it’s so much fuuuuuuun,” complained Gary Stu.

“Point noted,” said Miror B., frowning.

Eff Ecks leaned forward. “Wasn’t the point of creating this society to make ex-villains of the series… well, good?”

“Point also noted,” nodded Miror B. “We even got a mascot. for that.”
“How come we never got to see it?” asked Mary Sue.

“It’s battery powered,” explained Eff Ecks.

“Oh.”

“And with one bite it will instantly kill you. And even by looking at you it constantly drains your life. And it has a stupid bird that won’t let us kill it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Gary Stu leaned back. “So, what’re we going to do tomorrow then?”

Eff Ecks shrugged. “We could mug someone, or blow up a mall, or something.”

“Eff Ecks!” Miror B. exclaimed, slapping his wrist.

“We could start an evil organization,” suggested Gary Stu. “But disguise it as a good one!”

“Splendid!” cried Miror B. “We came to a middle ground!

Kutie Pie
5th July 2012, 6:10 AM
Oh good Lord, so much loony xD. Because there's so much, I'll highlight the parts I liked.



Suddenly a bunch of police came running by.

“Whoa,” he said stunned. “Since when does the world have police that do anything? I’ve been to countless dimensions, video games, read other people’s fics… there were no police!”

One of the officers turned to him. “Oh, us? We’re not really doing anything. But we’re all really thirsty so we’re going to Kanto to con people into feeding us.?”

“How corrupt,” mused Death. “I love it.”

Awesome.


“This is a lot of stairs,” wheezed Death. “I’m glad I can’t sweat, else my Hawaiian shirt would be SOAKED!” he laughed, rubbing the floral print on his polo shirt.

Zub, meanwhile, was using the elevator.

“Oh man, if only there was an elevator!” coughed Death. I’ve been running, and I’m only on the 151st floor! There’s like ninety more!”

Zub tapped his foot to the elevator music. He couldn’t help but wonder how terrible of a gym theme (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ydpBBi6gAs&feature=relmfu) it would be.

“We’re almost there!” Death cried out to the Zub that wasn’t following him. “Then… we scam!”

Genius.


Then, an overly buff teenager burst out of it, unusually well kept for being under there for several weeks now.

And for being dead. But this doesn’t matter. He was covered in dirt, man.

“WHERE’S THAT PUNK?!” Galidor roared, pulling himself out of the earth.

DUN DUN DUN

After eighteen chapters, he arrives. And to think I nearly forgot about him, even if he was alluded to quite a bit.


Death heaved himself out of the stairwell and into the office on the top floor of the enormous building, where Zub and the person in charge were awkwardly staring at each other.

I just noticed this XD. I guess the winner of the staring contest is Zub since the man would speak to Death in the next paragraph?



Miror B. handed them a decently-sized book.

“”How to be Bad at Bad- Or, Stop Being Evil, What Are You Doing with Your Life?’” Gary Stu read aloud.

“It’s what we live by!” said Miror B., patting his afro.

Gary Stu hesitantly opened the book. ‘Chapter 1: How to Read This Book,’” he said, confused.

“Oh, look. That’s helpful,” Mary Sue mumbled sarcastically. “’If you’re reading this first sentence, you’re probably doing a good job. If not, you may want to try kindergarten again.’”

“Glad we don’t have to go to kindergarten, yay!” said Gary Stu, similarly sarcastic.

Who keeps writing these books and why isn't he a millionaire yet?



Ranshao unhinged its jaw.

Everyone was disturbed.

The reader enjoyed the visual.



The man leaned back and laughed. “Do you talk a lot?”

“All the time!”

“Well, I have a challenge. I will give you five bucks for every minute you manage to shut up.”

“May a member of my party do it for me?”

“Sure.”

Detah thrust Zub in front of him and ran out of the office, laughing.

Best loophole ever.


“HELLO KID I ARE GENERIC TRAINER MAN. I SAW YOU. BATTLE ME!”

That needs to be a shirt.


Miror B. punted the Pokémon into the ocean.

“Take that, punk!” he roared triumphantly.

“Wait,” gasped the boy. “This is the moment! Whenever this happens, it means it will evolve into Gyarados! It always happens in works of fiction, the animé… everything!”

The two sat and stared at the spot where the Magikarp had fallen into.

“Sudowoodo?” asked Sudowoodo nervously.

They continued to stare at it.

“Give it a moment…” said the boy, reassuring only himself. And even then, by only a small amount.

Some bubbles rose to the surface.

“Hey, kid?” asked Miror B. “Did your Magikarp even know how to swim?”

“Nope. I had to give it an inner tube.”

“Uh.”

*jots this as "possible brick joke moment"*


“Eff Ecks?” the old man asked. “Is that really you?”

Eff Ecks really did not want to talk to this guy. He put on a sombrero and a very foreign moustache he had been keeping in his pocket for three years now. Excited to finally use them, he said in a deep, foreign accent, “No. No Mister Eff Ecks here.”

“Oh, okay,” the old man shrugged as he walked away/

Eff Ecks snickered.

Then a buff guy stepped in front of him.

“You want to mess with men?!” he yelled. “Mess with real men!” his shirt flew off, exposing his large pecs.

“Oh yeaH?” Eff Ecks taunted. “Real men cry beards. Can you do this?”

The buff guy ran away crying. “It was the only thing at The Manly Academy of Manliness, founded by Hubert J. Mann that I couldn’t do!” he wept.

This is the most random moment to date. I have no idea what this was about, but I love it.

So yeah, aside from the grammar mistakes, that was enjoyable. Looking forward to more madness.

Z-nogyroP
5th July 2012, 2:10 PM
"Well, this is certainly new,” commented Death as he and Zub walked down the main street of Magna Excipe’s sprawling metropolitan area. “Nobody trying to steal the story, no one trying to kill us, no giant Pokémon trying to destroy everything we love… No creepy, underage, rodent-obsessed children following us around.”

At least Ran is suffering Joey's wrath, not Death or Zub. Oh, is Zub in any way a reference to Zubat? Just wondering.


Suddenly a bunch of police came running by.

“Whoa,” he said stunned. “Since when does the world have police that do anything? I’ve been to countless dimensions, video games, read other people’s fics… there were no police!”

One of the officers turned to him. “Oh, us? We’re not really doing anything. But we’re all really thirsty so we’re going to Kanto to con people into feeding us.?”

“How corrupt,” mused Death. “I love it.”

Well, that explains that.


Zub stopped sipping his lemonade and looked at Death.

Why has he not run out of lemonade yet?


“Do you suppose you could let me down?!” asked Ran. He realized there was a ton of noise going on everywhere.

“Muppet Fu should set keys down?!” repeated Joey, confused.

“No. Let me down!”

“Set your crown?”

“Let me down!”

“Fret pee frown?!” asked Joey, more confused than ever.

“You’re hopeless!” cried out Ran in frustration.

“No, I don’t eat fish!” replied Joey.

“You’re Jewish?” Ran asked.

“Bless you!”

Oh gosh, now Joey's an idiot too as if he wasn't before.


“This is a lot of stairs,” wheezed Death. “I’m glad I can’t sweat, else my Hawaiian shirt would be SOAKED!” he laughed, rubbing the floral print on his polo shirt.

Zub, meanwhile, was using the elevator.

“Oh man, if only there was an elevator!” coughed Death. I’ve been running, and I’m only on the 151st floor! There’s like ninety more!”

That was pure genius, right there.


Gary Stu hesitantly opened the book. ‘Chapter 1: How to Read This Book,’” he said, confused.

“Oh, look. That’s helpful,” Mary Sue mumbled sarcastically. “’If you’re reading this first sentence, you’re probably doing a good job. If not, you may want to try kindergarten again.’”

“Glad we don’t have to go to kindergarten, yay!” said Gary Stu, similarly sarcastic.

I agree, this guy should be millionaire.


Ran glared at him to shut him up. “Do your parents even love you?”

“My Rattata’s parents do.”

“What about your real parents?”

“Dunno. I was raised by Raticate.”

“That explains so much.”

“So…. I’m bored,” moaned Joey. “I can’t reach my phone to call anyone obsessively…”

That answers the second question noted Ran.

That explains so much, seriously.


“Well, I have a challenge. I will give you five bucks for every minute you manage to shut up.”

“May a member of my party do it for me?”

“Sure.”

Detah thrust Zub in front of him and ran out of the office, laughing.

Loopholes are awesome. Oh, and you misspelled "Death."

All in all, awesome chapter, keep it up! Let's see... How about a chapter on the inner tube Magikarp? Oh, and maybe Zub could capture a Castform!

GalladeofSpades
5th July 2012, 5:24 PM
Mary Sue stared at her target and was curious as to what it was. It looked almost like an unwrapped bar of chocolate, yet it has limbs and a face.

A very mopey face. It was crying and stuff.

She approached it. “Battle me!” she exclaimed, throwing herself in front of it.

It shook its head. “There’s no way I can win,” he sobbed.

“Not with that attitude,” she pointed out as suddenly the man seemed familiar.

“Just get rid of me now…” he moaned. Then it struck her.

“You’re Negative Man! From that one game…. I don’t know, something relating to being stuck on a planet,” she said with recognition.

He threw himself to the ground and began wailing. “I’m nothing but a worthless protoplasm.”

“So… does this count as today’s act of evi from me?” she asked.

“Everything hates me!” he cried as she began backing away slowly.

Favourite part right here. And get the hell out of here- *AFFECTED WITH SUE POWERS* Of course Mary Sue! Has anyone told you how wonderful and perfect you are?

Great Chapter Zibbeh.

PS:
“Point also noted,” nodded Miror B. “We even got a mascot. for that.”
“How come we never got to see it?” asked Mary Sue.

“It’s battery powered,” explained Eff Ecks.

“Oh.”

“And with one bite it will instantly kill you. And even by looking at you it constantly drains your life. And it has a stupid bird that won’t let us kill it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Oh God no.

NO. THAT GAVE ME NIGHTMARES FOR MONTHS.

HELL NO. NOT THAT THING. HOW DID THEY EVEN GET THEIR HANDS ON IT?!

Oh, and you added a period to many when Miror B. said "We even got a mascot for that."

Zibdas
5th July 2012, 6:44 PM
EDIT: In case anyone was wondering, what Galidor called the Elder was actually 'Slowpoke' in German.
Now that I think about it, all my characters seem to be fluent in some language or another.

Review response time!

Oh, forgot to mention. I made a map (http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120629035910/zub/images/thumb/2/2c/NewHoennMap.jpg/250px-NewHoennMap.jpg) portraying the world of New Hoenn.


Oh good Lord, so much loony xD. Because there's so much, I'll highlight the parts I liked.
Wait 'til the next chapter. Kicks it up to an eleven.



DUN DUN DUN

After eighteen chapters, he arrives. And to think I nearly forgot about him, even if he was alluded to quite a bit.
Given that you were supposed to forget him, that's intentional. Oh, and unless you count the prologue, it's only been 17 chapters. There's no Chapter 1 and there never will be.



I just noticed this XD. I guess the winner of the staring contest is Zub since the man would speak to Death in the next paragraph?
Fun fact; Clichedprotaganitis also prevents its victim from blinking. He can't lose.


Who keeps writing these books and why isn't he a millionaire yet?
They appear to be useless on the outside.... but in reality, they're SUPER USELESS!


The reader enjoyed the visual.
The writer didn't want to think about the thought


Best loophole ever.
Hurray for silence! On a side note, this further proves what a GREAT friend Death is to Zub.


That needs to be a shirt.
I could probably make it if I could bother getting off my lazy bum for an hour


*jots this as "possible brick joke moment"*
I recognize the term from TVtropes but am yet to figure out what it is.


This is the most random moment to date. I have no idea what this was about, but I love it.
It's okay buff guy, We forgive your inability to cry beards.


So yeah, aside from the grammar mistakes, that was enjoyable. Looking forward to more madness.
Grammar; worst villain since Ran was evil 2012


At least Ran is suffering Joey's wrath, not Death or Zub. Oh, is Zub in any way a reference to Zubat? Just wondering.
No, actually. I just wanted a random, gibberish name that works for a mute lunatic who lives in that world. I think it was based off my username if anything; though I won't admit to remember.
Interestingly enough, according to Urban Dictionary, it's a generic word that can take the meaning of any word, used mostly in awkward silences. How fitting.


Well, that explains that.
"What?! You expect us to do work?!"


Why has he not run out of lemonade yet?
Guy loves his lemonade enough to always keep a few cans with him at all times. Miror B. also has several barrels in his afro for an emergancy.


Oh gosh, now Joey's an idiot too as if he wasn't before.
Or he couldn't hear.
Or he was playing along.
Alternately, you could take the canon explanation of 'everyone in the story is an idiot' I've given before.

[QUOTE=Z-nogyroP;14788347]That was pure genius, right there.
As opposed to... tainted genius?


I agree, this guy should be millionaire.
I'll keep in mind to include him later on then.


That explains so much, seriously.
On a side note, he does have real parents. They're locked up in cells near Glitter.


Loopholes are awesome. Oh, and you misspelled "Death."
I... er.... DETAH IS THE SURPRISE NEW CHARACTER YAAAAY


All in all, awesome chapter, keep it up! Let's see... How about a chapter on the inner tube Magikarp? Oh, and maybe Zub could capture a Castform!
I don't know about you, but I find it hard to write about things that are one-off jokes. Especially if they die in the process. Sad day. But the Castform, I'll keep in mind.
Or maybe one day I'll have all the one-time characters join forces and make the worst chapter ever since they stole all the jokes.


Favourite part right here. And get the hell out of here- *AFFECTED WITH SUE POWERS* Of course Mary Sue! Has anyone told you how wonderful and perfect you are?
"Only every day! But from you, your voice is sweet like Nutella, so tell me it more!"


Great Chapter Zibbeh.
Hurray!

PS:

Oh God no.

NO. THAT GAVE ME NIGHTMARES FOR MONTHS.

HELL NO. NOT THAT THING. HOW DID THEY EVEN GET THEIR HANDS ON IT?!

No one wanted it so it came particularly cheap.

Zibdas
6th July 2012, 6:14 AM
i've had so much free time
so with some minor firther ado, heeeeere's
Chapter 18: Death Toll

“It has come to our attention that no character has developed yet,” Death maintained earnestly.

“Yeah,” agreed Ran.

“And I’d like to point out, many of them have.”

“I would too,” nodded Ran.

Death kicked him, killing him instantly. “For example. Galidor. Everyone thought he was dead. But noooooo, that wasn’t good enough for the refined tastes of the upper-lower-middle classmen such as yourself! So we brought him back to life. Plenty of development there, obviously.”

“Dying doesn’t develop, De-“ Ran started before Death punted him across the room with a mighty kick.

“Dying develops everything,” reasoned Death simply. “You’d be surprised at how much a character’s personality changes if they can’t move or talk. Henceforth I believe there should be more of it.”

“But De-“ Ran stated before Death blew him over with a gentle breeze. Ran crashed into the ground with a soundly FFP.

“Anyway,” continued Death. “Um, wait. ‘FFP?’” he asked.

“I’m not in charge of sound effects,” said Ran.

Zub sipped his lemonade contentedly as he watched his friends. Derpy Moos sat with him, drinking… milk.

“Eff Ecks!” Death yelled in the general direction of up. “Get down here!”?

Suddenly, the tall, lanky man commonly referred to as Eff Ecks by now appeared from thin air. “Yes?” he asked.

“’FFP’? Really?”

“The best part of being in charge of sound effects is that you get to make up your own,” he said before disappearing.

“Author!” Death cried out in the general direction of down.

“Yo?” asked the author who also appeared from seemingly nowhere.


“First off, you and I BOTH know you came from somewhere!” exclaimed Death. “Second, I believe a new compensation is in order!”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember Chapter 6?” asked Death, eyes narrowing.

“You’re not supposed to know of that.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?! You’re the author, we’ve all interacted, and I’m not SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN CHAPTERS?!”

“In normal fics, people don’t,” the Author pointed out.

“Yeah, well we do.”

“I ignore your statement and inject it with my own!” yelled the author.

“We most certainly do not know of this, O Glorious and Wickedly Handsome Author.” Realizing what he just said, Death stopped. “You’re making me sound like the narrator from… that one thing. Except about you instead of me.”

“Yeah. Go on with what you were talking about, though.”

“I find it unfair that you let the commie-bot, of all people, narrate.”

“Hey!” protested Ran. “That’s, like, racism! I AM OFFENDED! HEAR ME!”

“It was supposed to be some sort of thing where it showed the horrible future and how Ran remembers the past, which was horrible!” the author attempted to justify himself.

“HEY!” protested Ran. “I haven’t read that far in yet! SPOILER ALERT!”

Death continued on. “I think I deserve a chance to write today’s chapter.”

“No way! I‘d rather let Zub narrate it!”

“…He can’t, though,” pointed out Death.

“Exactly.”

“Look, just let me narrate one day, pleeeeease?” begged Death, throwing himself to his knees.

“Fine, whatever,” muttered the Author. “I’m done babysitting this group of… things. Seriously, you guys are like giant, idiotic babies.”

This has been a PSA from your loyal attendees from Zub: The Adventures of Stuff.

We feel as though it was helpful to all audiences of all ages to better understand… everything.

And now back to your randomly updating program.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death burst in through the doors of the CEO’s office.

“I’m here for our money!” he announced before looking around, noticing something very strange was going on.

Looking around, he noticed several strange things.

On the CEO’s desk, it revealed that the man was named Larry deLohb Starr.

In one corner, there was an open closet with several used legwarmers that could very well have come straight from the 70’s hanging out of it.

In another corner, Zub was tied to the ceiling like a piñata, where several sock puppets were beating him senseless with large, stuffed fork plushies.

In the center of the room was a horribly obvious wine stain.

“I’ve figured out what’s wrong!” Death announced in a horrified tone. I’m just saying, this guy was HOT when he said it. Totes full of swag. “Legwarmers! I mean, SERIOUSLY, that’s DISGUSTING, man!” he yelled, using capitalization to express the horror.

Note to self; narrating is FUN! Note also to self; caps for emphasis. ♥-, Death

Larry looked up, stunned. ”My legwarmers!” he cried with a token flush of embarrassment. “They were a present from my ex!”

Looking around, Death noticed Zub and waved. “Hello friend!” he called out.

Zub’s unconscious body hung there.

Larry got off the floor and headed tot Death, handing him a crate filled with money. “Here. Take it,” he muttered.

“Awwww, is someone grumpy?” he asked sweetly before skipping away. “Send Zub back before dinner!”

Larry threw a bucket of ice-cold water onto Zub. “Wake up,” he said. “Your friend went full insanity level. Like, taking it up to an eleven or something. Wait, do dials even go that high?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Miror B.’s reformation group was undergoing… a reformation.

Death laughed out loud, realized he did, then posted images of himself on the internet with subtitles such as “LOL!”

Anyway, the quartet of villains sat around a campfire Miror B. had retrieved from his afro. It was cozy and made the chocolate more delicious.

“Hey, where’d you get this?” asked Gary Stu to Mary Sue, mouths full of gooey, delicious chocolate.

“Uh… let’s just say I knew a guy,” she said sheepishly.

Miror B. sat up. “Oo la la!” he said teasingly before setting himself back into focus. “Anyway, we need a new acronym to better represent us.”

Eff Ecks slumped down further, allowing the chocolate to run down his pristine attire. “Let’s name it the Acronymic Foreign Rebuttal Organization, so people think we’re okay,” he said.

“Perfect!” purred Miror B. ”The acronym is even AFRO!”

Next, we’ll need transportation,” murmured Gary Stu.

Miror B. winked. “I wouldn’t say that.”

=====================================

Miror B. ran down through the streets extremely fast.

Out of each side of his afro (left, top, and other left) protruded a person; Eff Ecks on top and the two others on either side.

“Swag!” cried out Gary Stu zealously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Ran was still upside down.

“Hey, Death?” he asked. “Could you let me down, since you’re temporarily omnipotent and all?”

“Okay,” Death shrugged. Positioning himself directly below Ran, he lit a firecracker and ran.

AHAHAHAHAHHA HGET IT RAN? CUZ HIS NAME IS RAN AND I RAN
IT’S FUNNY, OKAY?! LAUGH!

Ran rubbed his head. “That pun hurt more than the fall,” he moaned. “Seriously, I think half my brain is ruined.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The author glanced at Eff Ecks nervously. Eff Ecks returned the glance. The two had been pulled away from their usual positions to handle an emergency.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” asked Eff Ecks.

“Not at all,” responded The Author. “But he’s gone insane with power…. off-screen, of course.”

The opened the door to the vault and stepped into a padded, cushiony room. In the center a girl sat, bound tightly.

“Her hair is a MESS!” exclaimed Eff Ecks. The Author elbowed him.

“Hey Glitter,” the Author said nervously, thought it caught her attention from sitting on the floor, heaving. “We need your help.”

“Where’s Fishlips and Machiavelli?” she grunted.

“Wait, is this implying that she’s met both?”

“Yes, idiot,” Glitter replied, staring at him emotionlessly. “What, have you not?”

“They couldn’t make it,” apologized the Author as Eff Ecks glared at a wall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death sat upon his throne made of platinum proudly.

“So, Death City is going to replace Lilycove, and then…” he trailed off. “I need a theme song!” he exclaimed. “It would be extra special since the fic itself doesn’t even got one! And I’ll play it with my pyrorchestra… Assuming they’re not dead from being on fire. In which case, it would be a NECRORCHESTRA!”

He giggled to himself.

“I love this!” he yelled to no one. Then he realized something.

He was alone.

“I need friends!” he announced. “I will introduce characters!”

A robot that appeared to be strikingly familiar materialized before him.

“Welcome… ah, Zibbot Steelpants!” he announced happily.

“Computing,” answered the robot. “Is this a reference to that one great Spongebob game?”

“I see you have been tailored to my exact specifications. Also, duh!” said Death. “Now, onto busi- WHOA WHO’S THAT CHICK!” he exclaimed as a girl, who was definitely insane burst into his court.

She was very attractive; a nice, slender figure that fit well into the jeans and sparkly top she was wearing. Her hair was neatly brushed into a ponytail, and her shoes seemed light and easy to wear.

Oh, and she was holding a sniper rifle loaded with tranquilizer darts.

“Your bony butt will be mine!” she shrieked, leaping at him. Realizing what was happening, he took off running. Glitter followed, laughing the sort of laugh that would get most people locked up in an absolutely safe capsule for several hundred years.

“She’s freakin’ insane,” commented Eff Ecks, still a little upset over her earlier comment.

The Author nodded. “Why do you think we released her from the asylum and then sent her after Death?”

“Because Machiavelli was at the Pokémon Contest Master Hall, watching… I don’t know, contests or something.”

“…what else would she honestly watch there?” asked the Author.

Eff Ecks decidedly decided to decidedly ignore the question. “Hey, wanna grab a bite to eat? I’m famished.” The Author shrugged and they walked off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Galidor stormed out of the town limits without his posse. They were too afraid.

They knew something about Zub that he didn’t. Something happened while he was dead.

Something… lively. Get it?

“Let’s go, Dogars,” he grunted as the gaseous Pokémon followed from a respectable distance.

“Tally ho!” exclaimed the Koffing. “I’ve always wanted to say that, I’ll have you know!”

“Shut up!” moaned Galidor. “We need some sort of way to travel quickly, and I need to think!”

“We could always have a poorly contrived plot device,” suggested Dogars distastefully. “Wouldn’t be the first time in this story.”

“Excellent idea!” applauded Galidor. “Now, how do we get one?”

The Koffing had no idea.

“Maybe only they occur to solely main characters?” Dogars coughed.

“That’s dumb,” scoffed Galidor.

“Dumb, dumb like a moose! Dumb like a MOOSE!” screamed a voice somewhere in the general describable vicinity of the obscenely vacant direction of left. Looking in the aforementioned direction, the found a teenager in lucratively modern clothes and a baseball hat playing with a Void Cube. His most notable feature was definitely his long, unkempt green ponytail.

“Who are you?” Galidor grunted.

The stranger did a bit of a spin and finished with a bow. “I have no idea!” he grinned.

“What?” Dogars politely interrupted.

The man shrugged. “I have no clue. I remember flying on some white, large fire thing… then I slipped off, no more memory for me!” he said merrily, with a hint of sadness in his voice. “Maybe it’s for the better, I guess.”

Galidor came up with a self-proclaimed ‘great idea’. “We’ll name you!”

“Wh-what?” the stranger asked/

“We’ll create a name for you, since you don’t have one. How about… Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon?” After pausing for a moment, he thought. “Or just Corn, for short.”

The man perked up at the idea. “I like it!” he then ran around in corners, yelling “I AM CORN! I AM CORN!” akin to a character many chapters earlier.

“Okay, Dogars, Corn, let’s go!” announced Galidor with an essence of finality. “Let’s go find a plot device!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know! exclaimed the author Death, forgetting (to the embarrassment of the real Author) to put quotation marks around that last sentence. “I’ll write a cover up scene to hide!”

=====================================

Wild Palkia is exerting its pressure!

“What does that even meeeeean!” screamed the Mew. “-Hic, I don’t understaaaand!”

“Drink the beer! Drink the beer!” chanted the pantheon of assembled Legendary Pokémon, led by the Palkia.

Mew panicked and chugged down the entire industrial-sized container of alcohol as the crowd cheered.

Then Arceus burst in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” it asked sweetly. “YOU ARE ALL OUT OF BED AFTER I TUCKED YOU IN.”

“But daaaaad,” whined Dialga. “We’re having fuuuuun.

“NO EXCUSES.” said Arceus patiently. “UNLESS…. UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME IN A DANCE-OFF!”

The crowd exchanged nervous glances. None of them could dance, and Arceus was world-renowned for all the dancing competitions he had one. Maybe it was because he ended up accidentally stepping on the other contestants, which wasn’t very appealing either.

“I’ll do it!” announced Reshiram bravely.

“WAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Arceus mechanically. “I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”

“Isn’t that what I just offered to do?”

“AHEM. YES. WELL, LET’S GO… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT!” roared the Arceus, laughing, as it began to lay down wicked dance moves.

“I’m sure I’ll manage,” sneered the Reshiram, not even making a move.

“OH? I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY,” scoffed Arceus.

“Oh, I will…” promised Reshiram, reaching to pull his face. After doing so, it revealed that all was not as it seemed. “Because I am actually Miror B.!” he announced proudly, stepping out of the remains of the costume and onto the legendary dance floor.

“NOOOOOOOO!” ROARED Arceus as a familiar groove (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvc0OizYs4c) kicked in.

Arceus regained its composure quickly, however. “I SHALL NOT LOSE, REGARDLESS!” it announced, beginning to dance harder and with more passion. Miror B. effortlessly kept up.

“Is that all you got, O Un-Great Space Llama that Lays Eggs?” taunted Miror B., legs flailing with sheer dancing prowess.

“OH, IT IS ON,” stated Arceus, shrill with calm calamity. “WHEN YOU WERE BORN, YOU WERE… BALD!”

Miror B. gasped, refusing to lose his tempo and temper all the same. “You take that back right now!”

“NO.”

“Well, at least I have a mother, instead of just coming from nothing!”

Arceus stamped his foot. “SHUT YO MOUTH!”

The crowd of legendary Pokémon were by now rooting and cheering with immense exhilaration.

“Shake what yo’ momma gave you- OH WAIT!” said Miror B., doing a taunting, yet strangely giddy dance.

“ARGH! I DO TOO HAVE A MOTHER!”

“Oh? Then where is she?”

“YOU WOULD KNOW.”

Right on time, an Arceus whose size surpassed even the previous one leaped out of Miror B’s afro.

“MOMMY!” exclaimed Arceus.

“OH, MY BABY BOY! I’VE MISSED YOU!” wailed the Mother Arceus, weeping tears of joy.

“…How long were you in my afro?” Miror B. asked tensely.

“ABOUT THREE YEARS,” shrugged Mother Arceus as casually as she could.

“And you DIDN’T EVEN PAY RENT?!” exploded Miror B. with a sudden burst of anger.

“TAKE THAT BACK NOW!” cried Arceus. “MY FAMILY IS STILL MISSING!”

Then, right on cue, a familial herd of Arceus leapt out of Miror B.’s afro all at once.

“MY BROTHERS! MY SISTERS! DADDY!” screamed Arceus with immeasurable joy. “ALRIGHT, FINE! WE NEED A FAMILY PICNIC! LEGENADRIES, YOU CAN STAY HERE AND PARTY WHILE I REUNITE!” he exclaimed as the whole herd flew off.

Ran climbed out of Miror B.’s afro. “I have no idea what just happened,” he said, confused.

=====================================

“That was… terrible,” gagged Eff Ecks. “Why did you let him do this?!”

Ignoring the question, the Author consulted his walkie-talkie. “Any progress on capturing Death?” he asked into it.

On the other hand, Glitter grinned with an insane twist. “I’m hot on his heels, rifle fully loaded.”

The Author clapped his hands gleefully. ”Excellent!” he cried out.

Glitter turned off the walkie talkie and leaned over the stack of businessmen she was hiding behind. She carefully aimed at Death’s head with deadly precision, then steadied her finger on the trigger….


“Your bony butt is mine, Death!” she screamed fiercely as she pulled the trigger.

Death turned toward her direction, an expression of boundless shock on his face. “Zubbot Steelpants, attack!” he screamed as he took off running.

“Lumpin’ diversions!” she screamed. “here’s that robot?! I want to beat the crap out of him!”

“Computing,” stated Zubbot Steelpants, slowly approaching her from the back. “Error! ERROR! ERROR! NO CRAP FOUND TO RID BODY OF VIA KICKING!” the robot screamed.

Throwing her rifle down, she prepared herself to fisticuff. “Come on, your move,” taunted Glitter.

Zubbot Steelpants nodded. “Affirmative.” It positioned either of its fists tro where her fists were.

His chest slid open, revealing a boxing glove.

It flew out and punched her in the gut, giving him enough time to escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran and a badly scorched Joey (as well as Ran’s corpse) at around a campfire they had made in a trashcan.

Then a man dressed in a wondrously elegant blue-and-royal-purple suit approached them Ran waved pleasantly.

“Hello Author,” he said, watching his marshmallow roast. “First time I’ve seen you out of your usual bodysuit.”

The author shrugged. “I need to be dapper,” he said. “Anyway, we need your help. If you agree, I’ll even… uh… EVOLVE RANSHAO!”

Ran’s interest was piqued, as he loved his little Magby oh so much.

“Done deal!” he proclaimed, sending out Ranshao. “Get ready to evolve, little guy!”

Upon release, Ranshao was bathed in a blinding white light.

“Guess it’s evolving,” muttered Joey groggily, who was still sore from being set ablaze then falling several dozen feet to the ground.

As the glow slowly subsided, Ranshao was replaced with a tall, muscular yellow Pokémon.

“YELOW?!” exclaimed Ran in angst. “You can’t be yellow! You were red a minute ago, and red are good! Plus, yellow is the colour of my second worst enemy; DANDELIONS!”

Ranshao the Electabuzz chirped sadly.

“Evolve again, and evolve right, please!” begged Ran as Ranshao was covered in another glow.

“Jynx?” he asked when the process was done.

“ARGH!” screamed Ran, storming off.

GalladeofSpades
6th July 2012, 4:20 PM
“Dying develops everything,” reasoned Death simply. “You’d be surprised at how much a character’s personality changes if they can’t move or talk. Henceforth I believe there should be more of it.”

Good enough reason for me.


“Do you remember Chapter 6?” asked Death, eyes narrowing.

“You’re not supposed to know of that.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?! You’re the author, we’ve all interacted, and I’m not SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN CHAPTERS?!”

“In normal fics, people don’t,” the Author pointed out.

WELL THIS AIN'T A NORMAL FIC.


“I ignore your statement and inject it with my own!” yelled the author.

“We most certainly do not know of this, O Glorious and Wickedly Handsome Author.” Realizing what he just said, Death stopped. “You’re making me sound like the narrator from… that one thing. Except about you instead of me.”


Oh god, I found that fic once, but I can't really find it again. What was it's name?


“I find it unfair that you let the commie-bot, of all people, narrate.”

“Hey!” protested Ran. “That’s, like, racism! I AM OFFENDED! HEAR ME!”

Actually, it's more of an opinion Ran.


“It was supposed to be some sort of thing where it showed the horrible future and how Ran remembers the past, which was horrible!” the author attempted to justify himself.

“HEY!” protested Ran. “I haven’t read that far in yet! SPOILER ALERT!”

*sounds the alarm*


Death continued on. “I think I deserve a chance to write today’s chapter.”

“No way! I‘d rather let Zub narrate it!”

“…He can’t, though,” pointed out Death.

“Exactly.”

“Look, just let me narrate one day, pleeeeease?” begged Death, throwing himself to his knees.

“Fine, whatever,” muttered the Author. “I’m done babysitting this group of… things. Seriously, you guys are like giant, idiotic babies.”


OH CRAP.


This has been a PSA from your loyal attendees from Zub: The Adventures of Stuff.

We feel as though it was helpful to all audiences of all ages to better understand… everything.

And now back to your randomly updating program.

What's a PSA?


Death burst in through the doors of the CEO’s office.

“I’m here for our money!” he announced before looking around, noticing something very strange was going on.

Looking around, he noticed several strange things.

On the CEO’s desk, it revealed that the man was named Larry deLohb Starr.

In one corner, there was an open closet with several used legwarmers that could very well have come straight from the 70’s hanging out of it.

In another corner, Zub was tied to the ceiling like a piñata, where several sock puppets were beating him senseless with large, stuffed fork plushies.

In the center of the room was a horribly obvious wine stain.


Would one of those sock puppets be your proofreader?

Also, i c wat u did dar, Larry deLohb Starr.


“I’ve figured out what’s wrong!” Death announced in a horrified tone. I’m just saying, this guy was HOT when he said it. Totes full of swag. “Legwarmers! I mean, SERIOUSLY, that’s DISGUSTING, man!” he yelled, using capitalization to express the horror.

Note to self; narrating is FUN! Note also to self; caps for emphasis. ♥-, Death

This sounds like something I would do. And oh Death... You're just getting a hell of a lot of Rabid Fangirls. I wish you luck.

I actually was betting he was going to notice the wine stain.


Looking around, Death noticed Zub and waved. “Hello friend!” he called out.

Zub’s unconscious body hung there.

Larry got off the floor and headed tot Death, handing him a crate filled with money. “Here. Take it,” he muttered.

“Awwww, is someone grumpy?” he asked sweetly before skipping away. “Send Zub back before dinner!”

Larry threw a bucket of ice-cold water onto Zub. “Wake up,” he said. “Your friend went full insanity level. Like, taking it up to an eleven or something. Wait, do dials even go that high?”

Should be to. And yes they do Larry. Yes they do.


Death laughed out loud, realized he did, then posted images of himself on the internet with subtitles such as “LOL!”

Sadly, this actually happens. <- guilty of doing it once.


Anyway, the quartet of villains sat around a campfire Miror B. had retrieved from his afro. It was cozy and made the chocolate more delicious.

“Hey, where’d you get this?” asked Gary Stu to Mary Sue, mouths full of gooey, delicious chocolate.

“Uh… let’s just say I knew a guy,” she said sheepishly.

O_O


Eff Ecks slumped down further, allowing the chocolate to run down his pristine attire. “Let’s name it the Acronymic Foreign Rebuttal Organization, so people think we’re okay,” he said.

“Perfect!” purred Miror B. ”The acronym is even AFRO!”


OWCA is going to be jealous.


Next, we’ll need transportation,” murmured Gary Stu.

Miror B. winked. “I wouldn’t say that.”

=====================================

Miror B. ran down through the streets extremely fast.

Out of each side of his afro (left, top, and other left) protruded a person; Eff Ecks on top and the two others on either side.

“Swag!” cried out Gary Stu zealously.

This was a pure win.


Meanwhile, Ran was still upside down.

“Hey, Death?” he asked. “Could you let me down, since you’re temporarily omnipotent and all?”

“Okay,” Death shrugged. Positioning himself directly below Ran, he lit a firecracker and ran.

AHAHAHAHAHHA HGET IT RAN? CUZ HIS NAME IS RAN AND I RAN
IT’S FUNNY, OKAY?! LAUGH!

Ran rubbed his head. “That pun hurt more than the fall,” he moaned. “Seriously, I think half my brain is ruined.”


Silly Ran, you have no brain.



The author glanced at Eff Ecks nervously. Eff Ecks returned the glance. The two had been pulled away from their usual positions to handle an emergency.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” asked Eff Ecks.

“Not at all,” responded The Author. “But he’s gone insane with power…. off-screen, of course.”

The opened the door to the vault and stepped into a padded, cushiony room. In the center a girl sat, bound tightly.

“Her hair is a MESS!” exclaimed Eff Ecks. The Author elbowed him.

“Hey Glitter,” the Author said nervously, thought it caught her attention from sitting on the floor, heaving. “We need your help.”

“Where’s Fishlips and Machiavelli?” she grunted.

“Wait, is this implying that she’s met both?”

“Yes, idiot,” Glitter replied, staring at him emotionlessly. “What, have you not?”

“They couldn’t make it,” apologized the Author as Eff Ecks glared at a wall.


This might bite them in the ***** later.


“I love this!” he yelled to no one. Then he realized something.

He was alone.

“I need friends!” he announced.

I DO TOO! *shotshotshot*


A robot that appeared to be strikingly familiar materialized before him.

“Welcome… ah, Zibbot Steelpants!” he announced happily.

“Computing,” answered the robot. “Is this a reference to that one great Spongebob game?”

Wow, two references of the same franchise in one chapter? Must be a new record.


She was very attractive; a nice, slender figure that fit well into the jeans and sparkly top she was wearing. Her hair was neatly brushed into a ponytail, and her shoes seemed light and easy to wear.

Oh, and she was holding a sniper rifle loaded with tranquilizer darts.

“Your bony butt will be mine!” she shrieked, leaping at him. Realizing what was happening, he took off running. Glitter followed, laughing the sort of laugh that would get most people locked up in an absolutely safe capsule for several hundred years.


Can you believe I misread 'bony' as 'brony'? Also, what Glitter said would sound great out of context.


“She’s freakin’ insane,” commented Eff Ecks, still a little upset over her earlier comment.

The Author nodded. “Why do you think we released her from the asylum and then sent her after Death?”

“Because Machiavelli was at the Pokémon Contest Master Hall, watching… I don’t know, contests or something.”

“…what else would she honestly watch there?” asked the Author.

Eff Ecks decidedly decided to decidedly ignore the question. “Hey, wanna grab a bite to eat? I’m famished.” The Author shrugged and they walked off.

TO MCDIGGLETS.


“Wh-what?” the stranger asked/

Should be ?.



“We’ll create a name for you, since you don’t have one. How about… Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon?” After pausing for a moment, he thought. “Or just Corn, for short.”

Remind me to never ask Galidor for advice on names to name my children.


The man perked up at the idea. “I like it!” he then ran around in corners, yelling “I AM CORN! I AM CORN!” akin to a character many chapters earlier.

“Okay, Dogars, Corn, let’s go!” announced Galidor with an essence of finality. “Let’s go find a plot device!”


Something normal, but made me giggle.


I know! exclaimed the author Death, forgetting (to the embarrassment of the real Author) to put quotation marks around that last sentence. “I’ll write a cover up scene to hide!”

That is genius.


Wild Palkia is exerting its pressure!

“What does that even meeeeean!” screamed the Mew. “-Hic, I don’t understaaaand!”

“Drink the beer! Drink the beer!” chanted the pantheon of assembled Legendary Pokémon, led by the Palkia.

Mew panicked and chugged down the entire industrial-sized container of alcohol as the crowd cheered.

Then Arceus burst in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” it asked sweetly. “YOU ARE ALL OUT OF BED AFTER I TUCKED YOU IN.”

“But daaaaad,” whined Dialga. “We’re having fuuuuun.


everyone knows arceus is a female


“NO EXCUSES.” said Arceus patiently. “UNLESS…. UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME IN A DANCE-OFF!”

The crowd exchanged nervous glances. None of them could dance, and Arceus was world-renowned for all the dancing competitions he had one. Maybe it was because he ended up accidentally stepping on the other contestants, which wasn’t very appealing either.


This sounds like something I would put on That Show.


“I’ll do it!” announced Reshiram bravely.

“WAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Arceus mechanically. “I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”

“Isn’t that what I just offered to do?”

“AHEM. YES. WELL, LET’S GO… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT!” roared the Arceus, laughing, as it began to lay down wicked dance moves.


excuse me for a minute. *leaves thread. howling laughter can be heard* *comes back* Okay I'm done.


“Oh, I will…” promised Reshiram, reaching to pull his face. After doing so, it revealed that all was not as it seemed. “Because I am actually Miror B.!” he announced proudly, stepping out of the remains of the costume and onto the legendary dance floor.

“NOOOOOOOO!” ROARED Arceus as a familiar groove (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvc0OizYs4c) kicked in.

Arceus regained its composure quickly, however. “I SHALL NOT LOSE, REGARDLESS!” it announced, beginning to dance harder and with more passion. Miror B. effortlessly kept up.

This scene amuses me.


“Is that all you got, O Un-Great Space Llama that Lays Eggs?” taunted Miror B., legs flailing with sheer dancing prowess.

Hey don't call Arceus that.

It's obvious she's a Jurassic Horse.


“OH, IT IS ON,” stated Arceus, shrill with calm calamity. “WHEN YOU WERE BORN, YOU WERE… BALD!”

Miror B. gasped, refusing to lose his tempo and temper all the same. “You take that back right now!”

“NO.”

“Well, at least I have a mother, instead of just coming from nothing!”

Arceus stamped his foot. “SHUT YO MOUTH!”

The crowd of legendary Pokémon were by now rooting and cheering with immense exhilaration.

“Shake what yo’ momma gave you- OH WAIT!” said Miror B., doing a taunting, yet strangely giddy dance.

“ARGH! I DO TOO HAVE A MOTHER!”

“Oh? Then where is she?”

“YOU WOULD KNOW.”

Ooh BURN.


Right on time, an Arceus whose size surpassed even the previous one leaped out of Miror B’s afro.

“MOMMY!” exclaimed Arceus.

“OH, MY BABY BOY! I’VE MISSED YOU!” wailed the Mother Arceus, weeping tears of joy.

“…How long were you in my afro?” Miror B. asked tensely.

“ABOUT THREE YEARS,” shrugged Mother Arceus as casually as she could.

“And you DIDN’T EVEN PAY RENT?!” exploded Miror B. with a sudden burst of anger.

“TAKE THAT BACK NOW!” cried Arceus. “MY FAMILY IS STILL MISSING!”

Then, right on cue, a familial herd of Arceus leapt out of Miror B.’s afro all at once.

“MY BROTHERS! MY SISTERS! DADDY!” screamed Arceus with immeasurable joy. “ALRIGHT, FINE! WE NEED A FAMILY PICNIC! LEGENADRIES, YOU CAN STAY HERE AND PARTY WHILE I REUNITE!” he exclaimed as the whole herd flew off.

This reminds me of an RP I was in. One of the users had a Bouffalant, lived in his afro and discovered Unova was in it. Yeah.


Zubbot Steelpants nodded. “Affirmative.” It positioned either of its fists tro where her fists were.

His chest slid open, revealing a boxing glove.

It flew out and punched her in the gut, giving him enough time to escape.


You mispelled Zibbot and to. In fact, I don't think you even NEED the to.

Ah, the third hand trick. A classic.


“Done deal!” he proclaimed, sending out Ranshao. “Get ready to evolve, little guy!”

Upon release, Ranshao was bathed in a blinding white light.

“Guess it’s evolving,” muttered Joey groggily, who was still sore from being set ablaze then falling several dozen feet to the ground.

As the glow slowly subsided, Ranshao was replaced with a tall, muscular yellow Pokémon.

“YELOW?!” exclaimed Ran in angst. “You can’t be yellow! You were red a minute ago, and red are good! Plus, yellow is the colour of my second worst enemy; DANDELIONS!”

Ranshao the Electabuzz chirped sadly.

Wrong baby, Author.


“Evolve again, and evolve right, please!” begged Ran as Ranshao was covered in another glow.

“Jynx?” he asked when the process was done.

“ARGH!” screamed Ran, storming off.

I am severly disturbed. O_O

---

Great chapter Zibbeh. In fact, this one is the best one yet. Congrats. Keep at it.

Zibdas
6th July 2012, 10:50 PM
Good enough reason for me.
Reason enough for everyone.
Except Ran. Go away, Ran.


WELL THIS AIN'T A NORMAL FIC.
Unless all the other fics are abnormal and this is the only regular one.


Oh god, I found that fic once, but I can't really find it again. What was it's name?
The Adventure of Adventureness (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?410132-The-Adventure-of-Adventureness&highlight=) by Missingno. Master


Actually, it's more of an opinion Ran.
Even then, a bad one.


*sounds the alarm*
It's just terrible


OH CRAP.
Death: :|


What's a PSA?
Public Service Announcement


Would one of those sock puppets be your proofreader?
Of course. As shown in the later half of the chapter, it slacks off.


Also, i c wat u did dar, Larry deLohb Starr.
I couldn't resist.


This sounds like something I would do. And oh Death... You're just getting a hell of a lot of Rabid Fangirls. I wish you luck.
It was all part of his horrific plan all along!


I actually was betting he was going to notice the wine stain.
He's not the connoisseur he used to be.


Should be to. And yes they do Larry. Yes they do.
This news to me.


O_O
There are many implications that re implied by this.


OWCA is going to be jealous.
That sounds familiar. Not sure why.


This was a pure win.
His afro is probably the most helpful and useful character yet.


Silly Ran, you have no brain.
Motherboard.


This might bite them in the ***** later.In heindsight, letting a homicidal maniac loose is hardly a good idea.


I DO TOO! *shotshotshot*
Maybe you should become an author, write yourself some happy.


Wow, two references of the same franchise in one chapter? Must be a new record.
Last chapter had two Earthbound references.
And for the record, Larry's name was an afterthought. Ever since writing this fic, I knew I wanted an evil robot clone. Having Zub's last name be Pants was just a setup for this moment.


Also, what Glitter said would sound great out of context.
....Uh.


TO MCDIGGLETS.
I'm in the mood for Burger Seaking


Should be ?.
Should be ..


Remind me to never ask Galidor for advice on names to name my children.
>implying it was a good idea even before the chapter


Something normal, but made me giggle.
...Normal. Yes, having N renamed as Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon is normal.



That is genius.
Genius; n. The exact opposite of anyone on this fic.


everyone knows arceus is a female
You're thinking of its mother.


This sounds like something I would put on That Show.
That Show?


excuse me for a minute. *leaves thread. howling laughter can be heard* *comes back* Okay I'm done.
Welcome back.


This scene amuses me.
Came to me in a dream.


Hey don't call Arceus that.

It's obvious she's a Jurassic Horse.
Which makes the insult more insulting.


Ooh BURN.


This reminds me of an RP I was in. One of the users had a Bouffalant, lived in his afro and discovered Unova was in it. Yeah.
I have no trouble believing this after one thread a year ago saying that all of Unova is in Ghetsis' snuggy.


You mispelled Zibbot and to. In fact, I don't think you even NEED the to.[/qupte]
I knew something about that was weird to me.

[QUOTE=GalladeofSpades;14793250]Ah, the third hand trick. A classic.[/quote[
Overused if you ask me, but reliable.

[QUOTE=GalladeofSpades;14793250]Wrong baby, Author.

I am severly disturbed. O_O
The author is a confused, sick man. Sick and horrifying.

Great chapter Zibbeh. In fact, this one is the best one yet. Congrats. Keep at it.
Hurray!

GalladeofSpades
7th July 2012, 11:53 AM
Unless all the other fics are abnormal and this is the only regular one.

But since abmormality is normal, this one is normal, which would make it... normal? I think I created a paradox.



The Adventure of Adventureness (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?410132-The-Adventure-of-Adventureness&highlight=) by Missingno. Master


Yup! That's it.


There are many implications that re implied by this.

And not a single one is pleasant.



That sounds familiar. Not sure why.

Phineas and Ferb. It stands for Organization Without Cool Acronym.


Last chapter had two Earthbound references.

It did? Wait, DOES THAT MEAN YOU FOUND THE LIST?


...Normal. Yes, having N renamed as Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon is normal.

By this fic's standards it is.


Genius; n. The exact opposite of anyone on this fic.

Which dictionary did you find that in?


That Show?

See signature and click banner.


Came to me in a dream.

I wish I had dreams like those. Mine are boring.



I have no trouble believing this after one thread a year ago saying that all of Unova is in Ghetsis' snuggy.

Meh, I prefer a Boufallant. If I recall, there was also an entire shopping district and two cinemas.

Zibdas
7th July 2012, 7:05 PM
But since abmormality is normal, this one is normal, which would make it... normal? I think I created a paradox.


Yup! That's it.
Hurray!


And not a single one is pleasant.
Or we could be thinking in the wrong mindset.


Phineas and Ferb. It stands for Organization Without Cool Acronym.
That would be it; my sister loves that show.


It did? Wait, DOES THAT MEAN YOU FOUND THE LIST?
No, it's just recent enough I knew them off the top of my head. And neither were particularly subtle; Negative Man was mentioned by name and I made the Ultimate Chimera fairly obvious


By this fic's standards it is.
Poor N.


Which dictionary did you find that in?
The Author's. He so kind he lent me his.


See signature and click banner.
Oh, you wrote that? Neat.


I wish I had dreams like those. Mine are boring.
They're sometimes rather frightening.


Meh, I prefer a Boufallant. If I recall, there was also an entire shopping district and two cinemas.
Add in the fact that Ghetsis was in a Tangela that was in a Tangrowth.

Kutie Pie
7th July 2012, 7:09 PM
Oh good Lord, I'm in tears right now. (And then I wept a beautiful waterfall upon seeing Miror B. in your signature. It was as though it was meant to be.)

Anyhoo, let us see which scenes amused me, shall we?



“It has come to our attention that no character has developed yet,” Death maintained earnestly.

“Yeah,” agreed Ran.

“And I’d like to point out, many of them have.”

“I would too,” nodded Ran.

Death kicked him, killing him instantly. “For example. Galidor. Everyone thought he was dead. But noooooo, that wasn’t good enough for the refined tastes of the upper-lower-middle classmen such as yourself! So we brought him back to life. Plenty of development there, obviously.”

“Dying doesn’t develop, De-“ Ran started before Death punted him across the room with a mighty kick.

Ran truly is our poor Butt Monkey of the story. But it's been a while since Death punted him, so I welcomed it.



“But De-“ Ran stated before Death blew him over with a gentle breeze. Ran crashed into the ground with a soundly FFP.

“Anyway,” continued Death. “Um, wait. ‘FFP?’” he asked.

“I’m not in charge of sound effects,” said Ran.

Zub sipped his lemonade contentedly as he watched his friends. Derpy Moos sat with him, drinking… milk.

“Eff Ecks!” Death yelled in the general direction of up. “Get down here!”?

Suddenly, the tall, lanky man commonly referred to as Eff Ecks by now appeared from thin air. “Yes?” he asked.

“’FFP’? Really?”

“The best part of being in charge of sound effects is that you get to make up your own,” he said before disappearing.

*places "FFP" on list of great sound effects* I may need that later. Eff Ecks is so inspiring.


“Do you remember Chapter 6?” asked Death, eyes narrowing.

“You’re not supposed to know of that.”

“Are you freaking kidding me?! You’re the author, we’ve all interacted, and I’m not SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN CHAPTERS?!”

“In normal fics, people don’t,” the Author pointed out.

“Yeah, well we do.”

“I ignore your statement and inject it with my own!” yelled the author.

I always love this sort of lampshade hanging.

Nice placement of a Mythbusters reference.



“Look, just let me narrate one day, pleeeeease?” begged Death, throwing himself to his knees.

Wait, Death had knees this entire time?



On the CEO’s desk, it revealed that the man was named Larry deLohb Starr.

In one corner, there was an open closet with several used legwarmers that could very well have come straight from the 70’s hanging out of it.

In another corner, Zub was tied to the ceiling like a piñata, where several sock puppets were beating him senseless with large, stuffed fork plushies.

In the center of the room was a horribly obvious wine stain.

I'd make a reference to any drama cop show if I knew what I was talking about. Bloody brilliant.



Larry threw a bucket of ice-cold water onto Zub. “Wake up,” he said. “Your friend went full insanity level. Like, taking it up to an eleven or something. Wait, do dials even go that high?”

He's never seen Spinal Tap, poor fool.


Death laughed out loud, realized he did, then posted images of himself on the internet with subtitles such as “LOL!”

One of them's probably "LOL YOU DEAD". That's my favorite.



Miror B. ran down through the streets extremely fast.

Out of each side of his afro (left, top, and other left) protruded a person; Eff Ecks on top and the two others on either side.

“Swag!” cried out Gary Stu zealously.

Haters gonna hate.


Meanwhile, Ran was still upside down.

“Hey, Death?” he asked. “Could you let me down, since you’re temporarily omnipotent and all?”

“Okay,” Death shrugged. Positioning himself directly below Ran, he lit a firecracker and ran.

AHAHAHAHAHHA HGET IT RAN? CUZ HIS NAME IS RAN AND I RAN
IT’S FUNNY, OKAY?! LAUGH!

I get it!



Death sat upon his throne made of platinum proudly.

Guess his throne of skulls and bones was...

*puts on sunglasses*

...repossessed.



Galidor stormed out of the town limits without his posse. They were too afraid.

They knew something about Zub that he didn’t. Something happened while he was dead.

Something… lively. Get it?

I get i-- *SHOT*



“That’s dumb,” scoffed Galidor.

“Dumb, dumb like a moose! Dumb like a MOOSE!” screamed a voice somewhere in the general describable vicinity of the obscenely vacant direction of left. Looking in the aforementioned direction, the found a teenager in lucratively modern clothes and a baseball hat playing with a Void Cube. His most notable feature was definitely his long, unkempt green ponytail.

“Who are you?” Galidor grunted.

The stranger did a bit of a spin and finished with a bow. “I have no idea!” he grinned.

I imagined Invader Zim in there for a moment.


“What?” Dogars politely interrupted.

The man shrugged. “I have no clue. I remember flying on some white, large fire thing… then I slipped off, no more memory for me!” he said merrily, with a hint of sadness in his voice. “Maybe it’s for the better, I guess.”

Galidor came up with a self-proclaimed ‘great idea’. “We’ll name you!”

“Wh-what?” the stranger asked/

“We’ll create a name for you, since you don’t have one. How about… Corn Ostrich Omnomnomagon?” After pausing for a moment, he thought. “Or just Corn, for short.”

The man perked up at the idea. “I like it!” he then ran around in corners, yelling “I AM CORN! I AM CORN!” akin to a character many chapters earlier.

“Okay, Dogars, Corn, let’s go!” announced Galidor with an essence of finality. “Let’s go find a plot device!”

Yesssssss, this is gonna be awesome. The Adventures of Galidor and N--I mean Corn begin.


Wild Palkia is exerting its pressure!

“What does that even meeeeean!” screamed the Mew. “-Hic, I don’t understaaaand!”

And here is where I started laughing and crying the longest. It's almost like the story reached inside my head and brought a scene to li--


“Drink the beer! Drink the beer!” chanted the pantheon of assembled Legendary Pokémon, led by the Palkia.

Mew panicked and chugged down the entire industrial-sized container of alcohol as the crowd cheered.

--ffffff...

That's scary, man.


Then Arceus burst in.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” it asked sweetly. “YOU ARE ALL OUT OF BED AFTER I TUCKED YOU IN.”

I imagine bad things happening to the universe if Arceus ever had a conniption.


“But daaaaad,” whined Dialga. “We’re having fuuuuun.

"IT'S ALWAYS FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS HURT OR GETS DRUNK TO THE POINT THEY GET HURT."

Mew set a world-record, heart-stopping belch and passed out in mid-float.

"CASE IN POINT."


“NO EXCUSES.” said Arceus patiently. “UNLESS…. UNLESS YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME IN A DANCE-OFF!”

The crowd exchanged nervous glances. None of them could dance, and Arceus was world-renowned for all the dancing competitions he had one. Maybe it was because he ended up accidentally stepping on the other contestants, which wasn’t very appealing either.

I'd give anything to see Arceus dance.


“I’ll do it!” announced Reshiram bravely.

“WAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Arceus mechanically. “I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”

“Isn’t that what I just offered to do?”

“AHEM. YES. WELL, LET’S GO… IF YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT!” roared the Arceus, laughing, as it began to lay down wicked dance moves.

*swoons*


“I’m sure I’ll manage,” sneered the Reshiram, not even making a move.

“OH? I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY,” scoffed Arceus.

“Oh, I will…” promised Reshiram, reaching to pull his face. After doing so, it revealed that all was not as it seemed. “Because I am actually Miror B.!” he announced proudly, stepping out of the remains of the costume and onto the legendary dance floor.

“NOOOOOOOO!” ROARED Arceus as a familiar groove (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvc0OizYs4c) kicked in.

OH MY GOD THE UNIVERSE JUST IMPLODED IN ON ITSELF


Arceus regained its composure quickly, however. “I SHALL NOT LOSE, REGARDLESS!” it announced, beginning to dance harder and with more passion. Miror B. effortlessly kept up.

“Is that all you got, O Un-Great Space Llama that Lays Eggs?” taunted Miror B., legs flailing with sheer dancing prowess.

“OH, IT IS ON,” stated Arceus, shrill with calm calamity. “WHEN YOU WERE BORN, YOU WERE… BALD!”

Miror B. gasped, refusing to lose his tempo and temper all the same. “You take that back right now!”

“NO.”

“Well, at least I have a mother, instead of just coming from nothing!”

Arceus stamped his foot. “SHUT YO MOUTH!”

The crowd of legendary Pokémon were by now rooting and cheering with immense exhilaration.

“Shake what yo’ momma gave you- OH WAIT!” said Miror B., doing a taunting, yet strangely giddy dance.

“ARGH! I DO TOO HAVE A MOTHER!”

“Oh? Then where is she?”

“YOU WOULD KNOW.”

That's the best thing I have ever read. I love you now.


Right on time, an Arceus whose size surpassed even the previous one leaped out of Miror B’s afro.

“MOMMY!” exclaimed Arceus.

“OH, MY BABY BOY! I’VE MISSED YOU!” wailed the Mother Arceus, weeping tears of joy.

“…How long were you in my afro?” Miror B. asked tensely.

“ABOUT THREE YEARS,” shrugged Mother Arceus as casually as she could.

“And you DIDN’T EVEN PAY RENT?!” exploded Miror B. with a sudden burst of anger.

“TAKE THAT BACK NOW!” cried Arceus. “MY FAMILY IS STILL MISSING!”

Then, right on cue, a familial herd of Arceus leapt out of Miror B.’s afro all at once.

“MY BROTHERS! MY SISTERS! DADDY!” screamed Arceus with immeasurable joy. “ALRIGHT, FINE! WE NEED A FAMILY PICNIC! LEGENADRIES, YOU CAN STAY HERE AND PARTY WHILE I REUNITE!” he exclaimed as the whole herd flew off.

Ran climbed out of Miror B.’s afro. “I have no idea what just happened,” he said, confused.

http://www.lolroflmao.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/and-i-will-always-love-you-whitney-lion.jpg


“That was… terrible,” gagged Eff Ecks.

I'm sorry... *hangs head*


“Your bony butt is mine, Death!” she screamed fiercely as she pulled the trigger.

Death turned toward her direction, an expression of boundless shock on his face. “Zubbot Steelpants, attack!” he screamed as he took off running.

“Lumpin’ diversions!” she screamed. “here’s that robot?! I want to beat the crap out of him!”

“Computing,” stated Zubbot Steelpants, slowly approaching her from the back. “Error! ERROR! ERROR! NO CRAP FOUND TO RID BODY OF VIA KICKING!” the robot screamed.

XD And now I have Short Circuit in my head.


Throwing her rifle down, she prepared herself to fisticuff. “Come on, your move,” taunted Glitter.

Zubbot Steelpants nodded. “Affirmative.” It positioned either of its fists tro where her fists were.

His chest slid open, revealing a boxing glove.

It flew out and punched her in the gut, giving him enough time to escape.

Slapstick Knows No Gender



“Done deal!” he proclaimed, sending out Ranshao. “Get ready to evolve, little guy!”

Upon release, Ranshao was bathed in a blinding white light.

“Guess it’s evolving,” muttered Joey groggily, who was still sore from being set ablaze then falling several dozen feet to the ground.

As the glow slowly subsided, Ranshao was replaced with a tall, muscular yellow Pokémon.

“YELOW?!” exclaimed Ran in angst. “You can’t be yellow! You were red a minute ago, and red are good! Plus, yellow is the colour of my second worst enemy; DANDELIONS!”

Ranshao the Electabuzz chirped sadly.

“Evolve again, and evolve right, please!” begged Ran as Ranshao was covered in another glow.

“Jynx?” he asked when the process was done.

“ARGH!” screamed Ran, storming off.

Awesome. Pure awesomeness.

And now that I'm all out of jokes to praise this piece... *runs and hops in your lap, hugs tightly* LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

Z-nogyroP
8th July 2012, 7:31 PM
Zibdas, once again, your awesomeness appears in words. Yay for Spongebob reference(Zubbot Steelpants)!

Epic mother Arceus is epic. Why is it that they always talk in caps?

I noticed you have two chapter 18's. Are chapter 19's too mainstream too?

Zibdas
8th July 2012, 10:26 PM
Zibdas, once again, your awesomeness appears in words. Yay for Spongebob reference(Zubbot Steelpants)!
That was my first game, loved it so much.

Epic mother Arceus is epic. Why is it that they always talk in caps?

Same reason Palkia and Dialga speak in allcaps in PMD2, cuz they're legendaries (and they're really really grumpy I guess)


I noticed you have two chapter 18's. Are chapter 19's too mainstream too?
uhhhhh

Oh good Lord, I'm in tears right now. (And then I wept a beautiful waterfall upon seeing Miror B. in your signature. It was as though it was meant to be.)
Except apparently it's too big. Sad day


Ran truly is our poor Butt Monkey of the story. But it's been a while since Death punted him, so I welcomed it.
You sick mind you


*places "FFP" on list of great sound effects* I may need that later. Eff Ecks is so inspiring.
He's had worse sound effects before that I ended up taking out. I'll have to bring them back


I always love this sort of lampshade hanging.

Nice placement of a Mythbusters reference.
It's always a good place to put a Mythbusters reference. Also, lamps?



Wait, Death had knees this entire time?
Death, I would assume, likes to think he's normal and completely ignores the fact that he;s a) A god of death, b) dead for several years now, and b), has no normal structure under his cloak. As such, he describes himself a kneeling when really he just sorta goes into the shape of it.


He's never seen Spinal Tap, poor fool.
Neither have I, so fair's fair.



One of them's probably "LOL YOU DEAD". That's my favorite.
He's so crazy


I get it!
Death is such a funny guy I wish I knew him irl an-
GET OFF MY COMPUTER DEATH


Guess his throne of skulls and bones was...

*puts on sunglasses*

...repossessed.
Oooo, I see what you did there


I get i-- *SHOT*
Bad gun! No! We do not shoot the readers!


I imagined Invader Zim in there for a moment.
I'll readily admit my love for that show. It was one of the central memories of my childhood. It's actually where I got the inspiration of Them from (though come to think of it, no one seems to think about Them at the moment...)


Yesssssss, this is gonna be awesome. The Adventures of Galidor and N--I mean Corn begin.
This gave me an idea for a terrible pun.


And here is where I started laughing and crying the longest. It's almost like the story reached inside my head and brought a scene to li--



--ffffff...

That's scary, man.

You just can't get rid of him. He's like... a hair on your tongue


I imagine bad things happening to the universe if Arceus ever had a conniption.
And this is one of his happy days.


"IT'S ALWAYS FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS HURT OR GETS DRUNK TO THE POINT THEY GET HURT."

Mew set a world-record, heart-stopping belch and passed out in mid-float.
Wow, impresisve, Mew! Good job![/quote]


"CASE IN POINT."
I-, uh, mean... Bad Mew!



I'd give anything to see Arceus dance.[/quote[
The original disco king


[QUOTE=Kutie Pie;14798715]*swoons*[/quote[
That's an odd mentaql image, especially if yuo are still referring to Arceus


[QUOTE=Kutie Pie;14798715]OH MY GOD THE UNIVERSE JUST IMPLODED IN ON ITSELF
Could be worse.



That's the best thing I have ever read. I love you now.
I'm flattered! Truly, I am.



http://www.lolroflmao.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/and-i-will-always-love-you-whitney-lion.jpg



I'm sorry... *hangs head*
Eff Ecks' quote was unfortunately timed


XD And now I have Short Circuit in my head.
Is that a bad thing?


Slapstick Knows No Gender
Hurray for non-sexism!

Kutie Pie
8th July 2012, 11:49 PM
Except apparently it's too big. Sad day

Miror B. is not pleased.


You sick mind you

I've had it for a while now. I think it's contagious.


He's had worse sound effects before that I ended up taking out. I'll have to bring them back

Huzzah!


It's always a good place to put a Mythbusters reference. Also, lamps?

Always.

"Lampshade hanging" is a phrase used when a character calls brief attention to something in the story, but then moves right along. It's really fun to do, especially when the readers could plainly see it, and it just gives them a nod.

I think I defined it right.


Death, I would assume, likes to think he's normal and completely ignores the fact that he;s a) A god of death, b) dead for several years now, and b), has no normal structure under his cloak. As such, he describes himself a kneeling when really he just sorta goes into the shape of it.

Ah, okay then. I had the vision of Count Bleck, so I figured that's what it was.

You must like "b"s.


Neither have I, so fair's fair.

I haven't either! That's fairs fairly fairness!


Death is such a funny guy I wish I knew him irl an-
GET OFF MY COMPUTER DEATH

Not even the fourth wall exists in reviews. AWESOME


Bad gun! No! We do not shoot the readers!

Gun: *whimpers*


I'll readily admit my love for that show. It was one of the central memories of my childhood. It's actually where I got the inspiration of Them from (though come to think of it, no one seems to think about Them at the moment...)

I like Invader Zim as well, it's just not as big as it was a few years ago.

When I think of "Them", I think of... "Them". You know, the giant ant movie.


This gave me an idea for a terrible pun.

Yay reader inspiration!


You just can't get rid of him. He's like... a hair on your tongue

I had a hair on my tongue once! It took forever to find and get rid of.


And this is one of his happy days.

I can see that.


Wow, impresisve, Mew! Good job!

I-, uh, mean... Bad Mew!

Mew: Q^Q


That's an odd mentaql image, especially if yuo are still referring to Arceus

Well if it was Mewtwo dancing, I would've*SHOT*

Gun: Trust me, it was for the best.


Eff Ecks' quote was unfortunately timed

I danced a giddy dance to find out it worked, so it wasn't unfortunate. The stars just happened to line up.


Is that a bad thing?

Nope, I love Short Circuit. Johnny Five is cuuuuuuute.


Hurray for non-sexism!

Huzzah! Now, I gotta head for the kitchen! *pause* Lunch is ready.

Zibdas
9th July 2012, 3:38 AM
Miror B. is not pleased.
Believe me, neither am I


I've had it for a while now. I think it's contagious.
Don't sneeze on me! D:


"Lampshade hanging" is a phrase used when a character calls brief attention to something in the story, but then moves right along. It's really fun to do, especially when the readers could plainly see it, and it just gives them a nod.

I think I defined it right.
Ah, that explains quite a bit. Thank you.


Ah, okay then. I had the vision of Count Bleck, so I figured that's what it was.
Except Count Bleck is much more... well dressed.


You must like "b"s.
Nope. It's just b > c


I haven't either! That's fairs fairly fairness!
Fantastically fair!


Not even the fourth wall exists in reviews. AWESOME
To be fair, they did actually murder it in one of the chapters...


Gun: *whimpers*
Sh-h-h-h-h, It'll be alright. Mostly.


I like Invader Zim as well, it's just not as big as it was a few years ago.
Stupid Nickelodeon, cancelling one of the greatest animated shows I've ever seen


When I think of "Them", I think of... "Them". You know, the giant ant movie.
I realized that as I was typing last post. No, they're more hive-minded/organized like... the Irkens, or bees. You have the Big Supreme(called 'It'; it's already been introduced but no one knows who it is (I think)), then you have the little Field Commanders/Admins, three of which have been introduced. Not sure if I made it clear that Rath and Ashleigh are two of them, but eh. And then you have drones; i.e., those spheres that destroyed what remained of Rustboro.


Yay reader inspiration!
And, for future reference, it's terrible.


I had a hair on my tongue once! It took forever to find and get rid of.
Exactly!


Mew: Q^Q
Sorry Mew, but Space Llama scare me more than pink fuzzy hairless cats


Well if it was Mewtwo dancing, I would've*SHOT*
He can dance? I thought he was an arrogant, self-obsessed well-read Pokémon. Actually, if I brought him into the story, he'd probably be one of the few characters I'd never call an idiot. Hmm.


Gun: Trust me, it was for the best.
If you say so..


I danced a giddy dance to find out it worked, so it wasn't unfortunate. The stars just happened to line up.
That, or I"m Psychic-typed


Huzzah! Now, I gotta head for the kitchen! *pause* Lunch is ready.
Oh, goody! So late though. :<

Missingno. Master
9th July 2012, 4:14 AM
“We most certainly do not know of this, O Glorious and Wickedly Handsome Author.” Realizing what he just said, Death stopped. “You’re making me sound like the narrator from… that one thing. Except about you instead of me.”

Just the special chapters, huh? Riiiiiight.

Zibdas
10th July 2012, 4:38 AM
Just the special chapters, huh? Riiiiiight.

What can I say? I like to see what all the buzz is about on popular things, I suppose

Zibdas
10th July 2012, 9:04 PM
20 chapters! woooo! to celebrate, I extended this chapter so that we could chack in on all the people you love or hate! It’s now twice the size of a normal chapter!
That said, I proudly present...
Chapter 20: DEATH ARE A SEXY STUD <3

“Oh no! He’s taken control of the chapter titles too! What is this madness?!” screamed the Author upon seeing the title above him.

“That’s just sadism, right here,” spat Eff Ecks. “What happened to the normal chapter guy?”

“Right here!” called a short man as he walked onto the area that the authors were present. He was badly injured, with bruises everywhere. His clothes were ripped. “I’m Rectangle,” he introduced himself.

“Rectangle? What kind of name is THAT?” asked Eff Ecks incredulously.

“The name of the Chapter Title Guy. And surely you’re not serious, being named ‘Eff Ecks’ and all…” Rectangle retorted. After a moment, he sheepishly admitted, “I knew it was a mistake letting Galidor name me…”

“Prove it,” said Eff Ecks challengingly. “Prove you are who you claim.”

Chapter 20: Eff Ecks Pretty Much Sucks. A Ton.

“Proof enough?” asked Rectangle, smiling innocently.

“Whoa,” gasped the author. “He even got the random font down.”

“I’ve done every font,” said Rectangle proudly. “Except Comic Sans, which sucks. Just like Eff Ecks!”

Eff Ecks nodded begrudgingly. “What, is it ‘Pick on SFX Guy Day?’” he mumbled.

Behind his back, the Author nodded to Rectangle, who smiled mischievously.

As Eff Ecks turned to walk away and back into the story, the author couldn’t help but giggle immaturely at the sign taped to Eff Ecks’ suit’s back, which read, “I SUCK LOL U SHUD KIK ME.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran came out from around a corner in the labyrinth-like structure I, the lucrative Death, could not find the time to describe, mostly due to the fact that Ran was coming down it. Basically, think a massive structure just a little ways northwest from Magna Excipe’s main city.

“Stop there, fiend!” Ran yelled, uncharacteristically heroically. “Relinquish control of the fic!”

Death turned to reveal… his face, among other features. I wish I could describe how lusciously insane it looked, but being a skeleton, alas, I cannot.

Instead, I made a rather obscene gesture at Ran.

“How un-posh!” exclaimed Ran. “I will fight you!” Drawing out his lunchbox, he released the Pokémon contained within. “Ranshao, the proper Magmar, go!”

“Boober!” cried out Ranshao upon release.

“FOR THE LAST TIME MAGMAR, YOU ARE NOT JAPANESE!” roared Ran in high-definition, Blu-Ray-esque loudness.

“Very well then,” mused Death, parting his robes enough for a Pokémon’s essence to fly out and transform into its physical form. “Gemini, let’s roll.”

“Zabij! ZABIĆ! Śmiejąc się, że to co robię.Myśl o śmierci sprawia, że łaskotki! Zabij, mówię!” Gemini howled ominously, licking its mineral-crusted lips.

“Gemini,” scowled Death. “Don’t do that. It’s creepy. Plus, no one can understand a word you’re saying, which I imagine to be rather annoying.”

“Och, Mistrzu. Gdybym nie byli zobowiązani do Ciebie, to mam tak dużo więcej zabawy,” sighed Gemini.

Now then, Gemini, use Shadow Claw!” yelled Death as soon as Ran’s attention was successfully drawn away from-

“Ahem,” Ran VERY rudely interrupted. “I was not distracted.” Suddenly his head turned at an unnatural angle to some point away from the battle.

“Now you are,” giggled Death as Gemini successfully landed the attack, dealing significant damage.

“Hey!” exclaimed Ran. “That’s abuse of power!” Death came over and punted him out of intolerance.

“Magmaaar,” whined Ranshao as it was knocked back from the force. Once it recovered its stance, it looked questioningly at Ran.

“Uh,” Ran said in a thoroughly thoughtful way. “Use… Mimic!”

The twin horn-like structure’s upon Magmar’s duckish head began to glow and sharpened themselves dangerously. They were then coated in a purplish aura as it swung its head in a similar manner as a rock star would at the Sableye.

“Boo- Magmar,” Magmar taunted as the structures returned to normal size and structure.

Gemini the Sableye, without warning, hissed and leapt at Ranshao. Coating its hand in a slick mud, it stared Ranshao down before beginning to slap it. Hard.

“…Nice one, Gemini,” shrugged Death. “Way to fight like a sissy.”

Gemini twisted around and growled unhappily.

“It’s not over yet!” wailed Ran in such a way that reminded me of a ten year old boy who’s been travelling for fourteen years while remaining eleven, picking up chicks and Pokémon along the way and yet making no progress to train his Pokémon and no effort to learn from his stupidity.

Fourteen years. And he’s still eleven.

I need to go lie down.

“Ranshao, Substitute!” Ran yelled confidently.

Nodding, Ranshao took out a large wooden mallet and beat himself half to death with it. After this, its flesh began packing itself tighter until it resembled a small stuffed chibi, hornless Rhydon plush.

“Never mind that!” roared Death, feeling somehow enraged by this. “Gemini, Shadow Force!”

The Sableye disappeared into its own shadow, reappearing instantly behind Ranshao, where it then proceeded to use another Shadow Claw.

“I’ll be right back,” mumbled Death, storming off as Gemini continued to beat the plush Magmar decoy, though the maneuver was in vain. “Gemini, take over the narration.”

"Tak, Panie, od razu, Mistrzu!" Gemini syknął przez cienką uśmiechem, choć nikt nie mógł zrozumieć.

"Ranshao, use Flame Blast! Finish this!" Ran krzyknął wskazując bez wyraźnego powodu.

Ranshao uśmiechnął się ponuro, jak wdychane ostro. Kąciki jego głupiej twarzy kaczki skręcone w szalonym uśmiechem, jak zdmuchnął ogień w kształcie gwiazdy, pieczenie w złym Bliźniąt.

"Aw przystawki," Gemini narzekał.

Death came back moments later, holding a piece of paper. He dropped the paper in shock as he saw what happened.

Upon seeing the narration, his eyes widened. “Gemini! What have I told you?!”

Gemini shrugged, nonchalant.

“So, anyway guys, take this!” Death exclaimed as he pointed to the door of which he came from.

Then Shaquille O'Neal appeared from said door.

“Shaquille O'Neal!” exclaimed Ran.

“You, are, by far, the worst author I have ever heard of,” confirmed Shaquille O'Neal, nodding with a disgruntled air about him.

“Ah,” pointed out Death. “So you’ve heard of me. The great Shaq, knowing me! That must count for something!”

Shaq shook his head as he left the building.

“So… are we going to resume the fight?” Ran asked.

Death shook his head. “I’m afraid not, now that my diversion worked immaculately.” He recalled Sableye into the void confined to his robes.

Sadly, Ran returned Ranshao to its bright crimson Pokéball. “What do you mean?”

Death snapped his fingers, and everything around them disappeared, revealing instead a large stage. Upon the stage, Miror B. was tied up.

“I’ll return your friend…” Death smiled. “…as well as my author powers… if you give me one million Pokémonies!” he finished, cackling.

“Miror B. isn’t our friend though,” pointed out Ran.

“Yes he is!” Miror B. called out desperately.

“I’ll need a new form of persuasion…” Death muttered.

Just then, almost uncannily on time, a girl ( http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/thumb/4/40/Black_2_White_2_Elesa.png/240px-Black_2_White_2_Elesa.png) walked up to the stage.

“What, you can’t be bothered to even describe new characters?!” asked Ran incredulously.

“Where am I?” Elesa asked, as though she was in a daze. Quickly, Death tied her to a chair matching Miror B.’s, careful not to touch her flesh.

“Is that enough incentive now?” Death asked, clearly bored. “A model, normal life… sorta, and Miror B.”

“So… good things, and then Miror B.” repeated Ran.

“Yup.”

“Hey!” protested Miror B. “I find this discriminative against afros!”

“Oh, and one more thing,” Death grinned slyly before pausing to think. “Slash that, two more things. Actually, three.”

“Get on with it,” moaned Ran.

“One! You must get all one million Pokémonies in a single day!”

“Oh no.”

“Two!” continued Death. “I’m going to make it more time-bound…” with another finger snap, Elesa’s hair colour and style changed to mimic Miror B.’s.

“NO!” Ran shouted in horror.

Noticing this, Elesa groggily turned to Miror B., and moaned. “You’re kinda cute,” she giggled.

Miror B. shrugged. “Maybe it’s the hair.”

“Three!” Death continued, slightly annoyed at all the disruptions. “All the Pokémonies must be earned… through bake sale!”

“WHAT?!” Ran exclaimed.

“All the Pokémonies must be earned thro-“

“I heard you!” snapped Ran. “But why would you do that?!”

“Abuse of power.”

Seeing that there were no counters to that, Ran stormed off to save his the world, a hot model… and Miror B.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So it was settled. Larry agreed to help Zub and Ran because he was rich and wanted to get revenge on Death, and the AFRO League decided to help to win back the model Elesa.

…And their leader too, but he was more of an afterthought. No hard feelings, Miror B.

Zub, Larry, and the Author who appeared out of nowhere were on baking duty, while the AFRO League went to promote sales. Ran was in charge of it all.

“Are you guys good with people?” Ran asked to the AFROs.

“Uh… have you not read Chapter, what was it, 18?” asked Eff Ecks.

“No.”

Gary Stu laughed while reminiscing. “We all went separate ways and made people sad.”

“…You guys are terrible people!” declared Ran.

“Why thank you,” blushed Mary Sue sweetly.

“Actually, come to think of it, Mary Sue didn’t make her target sad. It already hated life,” recalled Eff Ecks. “Say, Mary, what happened to him?”

“He was… consumed.”

“By what?!” exclaimed everyone else participating in the conversation.

“Love~” answered Mary Sue serenely to the others, while under her breath she added, “Of chocolate.”

On the other side of the ground floor of Larry’s building, Larry and the Author were furiously sorting through cookbooks as Zub began baking, donning an adorable little apron and hat in the process.

“So…. what is this place?” The Author asked as he sorted through a cake cookbook, tore out a recipe, and tossed it to Zub.

“The Empire Excipe Building!” cried out Larry with gusto as he handed a cupcake recipe to Zub. “Some may say it’s corrupt, especially the large building across the building across the way, the Capitol Building, but hey! I love it!” After a moment, he shrugged. “You know, it probably is corrupt. But I bet the Capitol Build is… moreso!” he cried out upon finding a recipe for cookies.

“That’s nice,” replied the Author, tossing another recipe before realizing Zub hadn’t picked up the last few. Glancing over, he realized Zub had been buried alive in chocolate cakes.

“What are we going to do with all these cakes he made?” asked Larry. “He is… stuck in them.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And thus, after a heated debate about albino waffles, Ran and the Afro Leaguers set out to sell all the foods they supposed the others were making.

“Hello sir,” Eff Ecks said as he forced himself before him. He then resumed speaking elegantly. “Would you like to buy… a cookie pie?”

The man rubbed his beard and contemplated how good a cookie pie would taste. “I’m a woman,” she finally said.

“I-is that a yes?” asked Eff Ecks, desperate to change the subject.

The buff woman slugged him in the chest, throwing him back several meters. “I’ll take three,” she grunted before handing him a wad of cash and storming off.

=====================================

Gary Stu and Mary Sue strolled down a sidewalk holding hands. They were looking for victims to con-

“No way!” interrupted Gary Stu angrily. “We’re looking for customers!”

Ha ha. It’s funny because she was looking for customers, as she claims.

“I’m a guy you know!” howled Gar Stu.

Whatever. Anyway, they were looking for people to buy food.

They walked up to a couple of children. “Hello, would you like to purchase some Volcano Bakemeat Cakes?” Mary Sue asked sweetly.

Youngster Ian turned around, a look of familiarity on his face. “You made me cry!” he screamed, holding back tears, as Gary Stu stifled a giggle.

Arnold looked upset too. “And Afro Friend stole my Magikarp!”

Ian turned to his friend. “’Stole?’”

Arnold crossed his arms. “I swear, he’s still alive! I CAN FEEL HIS BREATHING!”

“Then where is he now?” taunted Ian, who is now officially a jerk.

“We don’t need your commentary, Death!” snarled Arnold. “Also, at the bottom of the ocean. He can’t swim, remember?”

“What kind of fish can’t swim?”

“YOUR MOM!” laughed Arnold.

“Maybe we should find a different customer,” whispered Mary Sue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gordon nervously looked at the slip of paper he was holding. He then cautiously looked at the apartment.

On the way there, he noticed that the building was shrouded by what could be defined as an eternal downpour. Upon reaching the apartment complex, however, the eternal sun that followed him around couldn’t even seem to counteract this.

Extending a shaking claw, he gradually brought himself to tap the doorbell. Immediately a distraught-looking woman answered the door. Looking Gordon up and down, she seemed to come to a conclusion.

“Kyler! It’s for you!” she yelled to the space behind her. After realizing it was going to take “Kyler” a moment, she began conversing. “I’m giving you a fair warning; she’s the WORST roommate EVER! She didn’t take out the garbage, she ATE MY CAKE, and with her around, it never stops raining!” Glancing behind her, the girl sighed. “Here she comes…” she mumbled.

A large blue Pokémon that seemed to be some kind of whale burst through the front wall of the complex. The first girl sighed and went off on her own.

“Groooou, DON DON GROOOOOU! Grou… Don,” Gordon said, nodding confidently, which translates roughly to, “Look, Kyler, I know we’ve had problems in the past… but I believe this is meant to be. Will you forgive me?”

Kyler the Kyogre appeared to think for a moment. “KYOGRE!” she shouted, which roughly translates to, “LOL IMMA WHALE!”

Gordon scratched its tail awkwardly, trying to figure out what his ex was saying. “Groooou…do do don?” This means,. “Is that… a… yes?”

Kyler made a big goofy grin. “KYOOOOOOOGRE!” she roared happily. This translates exactly to “IMMA WHALE NARWHAAAAAAAL!”

Suddenly Gordon remembered why they broke up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure this is safe?!” bellowed Galidor over the gih winds.

Corn merely shrugged.

Dogars continued to spin midair over the flying Pokémon’s back. “Weee!” it cried out in a childish manner.

Using Corn’s uncanny ability to… as he sugarcoated it, “speak to Pokémon,” he had managed to persuade a passing Lugia to give them a ride.

“You make it sound naughty,” whimpered Corn.

Lugia, enraged at the word “it,” threw them to the ground where they landed painlessly on their legs.

“You’re a terrible author,” pointed out Dogars, who exploded several times as a result of this act of rebelliousness.

“Don’t make me pull a poorly contrived plot device!” threatened Death.

“But that’s the author’s gag!” exclaimed Corn.

“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW,” demanded Death.

“I-I don’t know!” Corn panicked in response.

“That’s it…” hissed Death as he hit a button on his robe. “Plot device!” With an aura of mysteriousness, Death disappeared.

“It’s not mysterious if you’re the author,” groaned Galidor, tending to Dogars’ wounds. “Plus, you misspelled ‘disappeared’, making it even MORE anticlimactic!”

As a result of treachery, Galidor caught on fire.

Somewhere off to the distance, a middle-aged man wearing a castle-shaped Snuggie stepped out of the bush, sporting hair to match Corn’s and an odd eyepiece.

“Your storytelling still sucks,” spluttered Galidor, sitting in a nearby stream to prevent further fires.

A lightning bolt struck him.

“N?” the man asked stupefied.

Corn turned around. “My name is Corn,” he said earnestly.

The man decided to seize the moment.

“My name is… uh… Schnitzel!” he cried out triumphantly. “And you, N- I mean, err, Corn, were in my past!”

Galidor and Dogars gasped. Corn just scratched his head.

“Do I know you?” he asked.

“Err, yes, I’m evil,” Schnitzel readily admitted.

Corn punched his gut.

“I mean, er,” spluttered Schnitzel, gasping for breath. “You were evil too.”

“Oh, sorry,” Corn apologized with a non-committing tone.

Sitting up, Schnitzel rubbed his hands maliciously together. “Yes, together we ruled evilly! As evil Pokémon activists. You were my son in evil! …I think. You know, I can’t quite recall if it was you or Wally….”

“Thanks, Dad,” Corn moaned sarcastically.

Ignoring this, the man trailed on. “Yup, we set up the most evil syndicate ever! The PETA!”

Dogars gasped in horror. “That explains so much, you sick fiend!”

Schnitzel laughed. “Anyway, N- CORN, join me and we can rule this region too!”

Corn shrugged. “I kinda like just hanging out. You know, like a normal person.”

This did not please his father. “Fine. How about we have a Pokémon battle? One on one,
just to decide your fate?”

Turning his back to the group, Schnitzel began murmuring. “Once I beat poor little N with my OP Hydreigon, I will have that meat puppet under my control! Mwahahaha!”

“You know we can hear you, right?” asked Dogars.

“I don’t have a Pok-“ Corn stammered.

“NO MATTER!” interrupted Schnitzel rather rudely. “THEN YOU FORFEIT!”

Galidor leaned over to Corn. “Why don’t you borrow one of mine for now?” he whispered.

Corn nodded thankfully as he randomly selected a Pokéball and threw it. “Go…. something!”

Immediately, a sleek, bipedal fox-inspired Pokémon appeared, with sharp black fir and a red ponytail to match N’s green one.

“Interesting choice,” mused Schnitzel. “However, I believe mine is so interesting, it…uh… BELONGS IN AN ANCIENT POST-MODERNISTIC MODERN HISTORY MUSEUM! GO, Hydreigon!”

“Nice to see you!” winked one head of the three-headed monstrosity that appeared before Zoroark.

“What a tender little morsel!” another one exclaimed as it licked its lips in anticipation.

“Can we go back to the castle?” the third one groaned. “I wish to watch TV!”

“They can talk?” Dogars asked sadly. “But… I thought I was unique in that aspect!”

Schnitzel waved a dismissive hand. “I genetically modified them so they could tell me what a great father I am when I’m home alone and depressed.”

TMI.

“Zoroark, let’s get this going!” N called, doing a dramatic point with his finger. “Use… U-Turn!”

Zoroark snickered for no discernible reason then lunged at Hydreigon. As soon as it made impact, it turned right around mid-air and ran off in the opposite direction.

“What just happened?” asked Hydreigon.

“Food got away!” it complained. The other head had fallen asleep by now.

Schnitzel merely offered an evil grunt, followed by a laugh. “Is that all you got?! En guarde! Hydreigon, use Focus Blast!”

The head that remained sound asleep let out a loud snore that accumulated in mid-air to form a large, brown cloud. The cloud then threw itself at Zoroark, who too massive damage.

“I guess you could say,” chuckled Corn softly while donning a pair of sunglasses. “…that Corn got creamed.”

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” wooted Hydreigon.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” protested Death, appearing from no where. “Ghe- I mean, Schnitzel wasn’t supposed to win! He was supposed to lose! HORRIBLY!”

Schnitzel feigned a hurt face.

“Don’t even,” grumbled Death.

“Though,” taunted Schnitzel. “I still wi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Death reached out and slapped Hydreigon, killing it instantly, which therefore means that Corn one.

“WHAT!” exclaimed Schnitzel as he fled. “I will enact revenge!”

“That was…. easy?” asked Corn as he handed Galidor his Pokéballs back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THIS IS WHERE CHAPTER 20 WAS GOING TO END
AND ABOUT A FEW PAGES LONGER THAN THE AVERAGE CHAPTER
THEN I REALIZED, THIS IS A KILOMETERSTONE, AND MADE IT BIG

ENJOY

Also milestones are overrated

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WE RETURN TO EVERYONE’S FAVOURITE CHARACTER
THE TOTAL CHICK MAGNET
THE VERDE GUY
MR. AWESOME
THE TALLEST DEAD GUY
HEEEEEERE’S…. DEATH-Y!

“So, uh, Death,” Miror B. awkwardly began. “Why me?”

Elesa began curiously playing with his afro, to which he was completely oblivious to.

“Everyone unconditionally loves you,” Death said as he dusted off a shelf of dated kick-knacks in his evil lair, where Miror B. was now being held.

“So… I’m like a mary sue,” Death said glumly.

“Not at all! You have a way more defined personality!”

Elesa dug through Miror B.’s hair and pulled out a stray Arceus, who began chasing her as she screamed.

“I’m not?”

“Of course not!” Death laughed. “Watch; what’s two plus two?”

“Dance,” Miror B. replied.

“Another example why this cast is so idiotic, but anyway, a mary sue would have said ‘4’. Thus, you’re not one.”

Miror B. had to admit this was pretty sound logic.

After stuffing the space llama back into his afro, Elesa rummaged around some more and giggled upon retrieving a battering ram from the confines of hair.

“Of course it is, dear boy! I’m the author; I’m supposed to be right!” Death said huskily.

“Something’s different about you,” Miror B> muttered. Death instantly excused himself.

“Wow, Mr. Miror, it’s like a whole ‘nother world in here!” gasped Elesa.

Miror B. blushed. “Awwww. And to be fair, it’s actually three regions.”

Elesa looked around sadly. “With that guy gone, we don’t have anyone bt ourselves. Do you have anything in there to entertain me?” she asked sweetly, bouncing her hair in a serene manner.

Miror B. grinned and pulled out life-sized plush models of everyone on the fic, which creeped Elsa out. Luckily she liked it and played.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The author scru… he sco…. HE MADE HIS EYEBROWS GO TOFETHER IN WORRIMENT AND KINDA ANGER OK? OKAY moo

The author… frowned. “His narration is getting worse,” he muttered.

Larry shrugged as he readied another cake into the oven. “Seeing what the other characters were doing was a nice change of pace. No Nob though,” he added sadly.

Karate Guy Nob, right on cue, burst through a nearby wall. “I AM NOB,” he said, as if to clear up any remaining doubts that he was Nob.

“Hey Nob,” the Author smiled warmly. “Wanna help us bake cakes?”

Nob frowned and shook his head.

“It’s what all the Karate Guys are doing~” sung out Larry as the Author shook his head.

“Clearly cake baking is too good for Nob,” he mourned softly. “After all, his name IS only one letter away from ‘noob’…”

Nob thought about this for a moment, realized it was an insult, and went into a berserk, cake-baking rampage.

“I see what you did there,” Larry laughed airily.

Then Ran burst into the room. “We need more cakes!” he declared.

Zub stopped eating his lemonade-flavoured cake and looked up.

“Why?” asked Larry.

“They’ve been selling phenomenally well!” Ran cried out in relief. “We might be able to save the day before the end of the chapter!”

“Huh, it occurs to me that I’ve never really described a passage of time,” sighed the Author. “Also, I refuse to give you anymore cakes until you do something for us.”

Nob bellowed in agreement, which he is forcing me to say he looked very manly despite his frilly pink apron and his lavender beret.

“Like what?”

The author grinned. “Take off your headpiece! I want to know what it looks underneath!”

“Wh-why?!” exclaimed Ran, defensively holding onto his helmet… thing.

“I’ve always wanted to know what was underneath.”

“But you’re the author!”

“Yes, and you’re Ran. Your point?”

Ran had to admit he lacked one, so he took off his helmet.

A long mane of untamed, hot pink bishie hair began flowing out in a gorgeous flow behind him as sun streamed into it, despite the complex lacking windows.

It was the most beautiful sight ever,

Sadly, Ran put his headgear back on. “Happy?” he grumbled. Nob threw several hundred cakes and assorted baked goods at him in response.

“Very,” nodded Ran as he skipped away to the others awaiting their baked goods.

“Wow,” the Author noted. “I guess at times the trio of friends aren’t total jerks and care for each other. Except you, Zub. You’ve died too much for anyone to care.” Frowning, Zub went back to work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran ran (teehee) into Death’s throne chamber clutching the remains of what seemed to be a bake sale stand that was clearly a victim of the now popular Bake Sale Stand Explosion Disease and a cash register.

“I have it,” he panted. “I have all $1 million Pokémonies.”

Death grinned as he took the money from Ran. Suddenly, his head twisted suddenly to look straight up as his jaw fell open. A glowing orb of mesmerizing emerald popped out of his mouth, shortly followed by a golden fish Pokémon.

“It’s… you?!” Ran asked with doubt as the shiny Magikarp stared him down. Shortly after, the Author burst in and ingested the orb, regaining control of the story.

YEAH
TAKE THAT, READERS WHO LIKED DEATH NARRATING
ANYWAY

“Fishlips?!” the Author exclaimed incredulously.

The Magikarp hissed in frustration. “I’m… I’m not Fishlips.”

The Author shrugged. “Good enough for me. Anyway, Author’s out! Peace!” He then disappeared.

“So, we meet again,” Not-Fishlips laughed evilly.

“Am I supposed to know you?” Ran asked innocently.

The Magikarp scowled. “Chapter Ten,” he said angrily.

“Oh, right,” Ran said. “You were that fish that was impossibly trollish.”

“The one and only.”

Death slowly gained consciousness. “Filet,” he remarked drearily upon seeing the golden Pokémon before him.

Randomly, Zub walked into Death’s former fortress. Upon recognizing the Magikarp, he began gritting his teeth as he drew a Pokéball.

“A battle, eh?” taunted the fish brazenly. “If you insists upon being destroyed, then sure.”

Releasing a Pokéball, Derpy Moos appeared and wagged a hoof threateningly, which was very hard to pull off given its cute demeanor. Somehow, it pulled it off exceptionally well.

The Magikarp activated a stereo. lying around, and an absurdly epic theme began blaring.

“Uhh,” the fish said awkwardly. Everyone stared at him.

“Never mind then.”

Returning to the battle, Derpy looked at Zub, who nodded. Pulling back a fi- err, hoof, her arm steadily began to cackle with electricity. After a moment or two of this, Derpy thrust it forward violently as it hit the fish Pokémon’s side.

Magikarp went flying, and when it slammed into the ground with such velocity, it fell still.

Just kidding, it flew up and slammed into Derpy Moos in retaliation.

In an instant, Magikarp was swallowed up by a bubble as it flew into the sky.

“Do we win?” asked Ran hesitantly.

They gave it a few more seconds and OH MY GAWSH MAGIKARP JUST CAME BACK FROM FLYING INTO ORBIT COVERED IN FIRE AND SMASHED INTO DERPY WHOA

Sorry. I got overwhelmed. Anyway…. actually I pretty much just said it so, yeah.

“Mooooo…” groaned the poor bovine as it slipped into unconsciousness.

“Mwhahaha!” laughed the fish laughably, swishing his tail with a plernk in victory. “Send out my next victim!”

Ran stared at it. “’Plernk?!’ How do you even pronounce that?!”

Magikarp shrugged. I think. It’s hard to tell.

Note from Rick; The Author is still getting into the swing of things. Give him time.

“Eff Ecks! Get down here!” Ran demanded as the tall, lanky man appeared before them.

“Yo?”

Ran glowered at him while waving his hands openly. “What the hell are you doing?! I mean, ‘plernk.’ What is wrong with you?”

Eff Ecks shrugged as a smile snaked onto his face. “Does this… bother you?”

“Yes. Very.”

Eff Ecks dug out a pair of sunglasses and slid them on. “It’s always sunny in Jerkguysville,” he said, as his shoe tapped on the ground with a solid temmenoid.

“How did your shoe even make that noise?” asked Ran, whose limbs were now flailing incomprehensibly.

Eff Ecks leaned in close. “I’m the SFX Guy. It’s even in my name.” His glove gripped itself, making a tight noise that resembled someone screaming Ran is a chump.

“Prove it!” roared Ran in frustration.

Eff Ecks shrugged. “Okay. Now that the 4th wall is gone, I can finally do this!” reached out of the fic and grabbed his own name, then wielded it like a sword. “Check and mate,” he sneered.

Ran stomped the ground and randomly withdrew a word. He began to put on his War Face as he swung his Ransword at .

“You’ll never win!” psychotically announced, swinging his own name. The blunt of the blade made contact, leaving a significant impression onto ’s flesh-like robotic face.

“Oh contraire,” said ‘s opponent smoothly. “I shall win with… COMMUNISM!”

On the other side of the throne room, Tango and the Magikarp were now engaged in deep combat. Every move the golden Pokémon made, Tango mirrored flawlessly, and vice versa.

“How tedious is it that you cannot create new attacks?” laughed the fish.

Zub had had enough of this. But he could not speak.

Nodding to Tango to translate, he ran forward.

ZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUB…. PUUUUUUUUUNCH! roared Tango in a metallic version of… its own voice.

Zub stopped as he was right next to the Magikarp, then handed him a glass of a delicious-looking purple juice.

“For me?” it asked as it grasped the cup with its fins and chugged it down.

Tango turned around to face the monitor. “What, were you expecting him to do something else?”

Once the fish had finished slurping down the berry-flavoured juices, Zub nodded appreciatively.

Then Zub slugged his scaly gut very hard as revenge for the previous matches and walked out of the building.

“You’ll…. regret this,” gasped the fish as it struggled for air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TIME PASSES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was evening now as Zub, Ran, and Death were sitting on Magna Excipe’s sole beach. To their right, the could see a large peninsula of land headed by a rather enormous dam. Far to their left was a small mountain. In the distance, they could vaguely see the northern beach of Mossdeep, which was still recovering from the damage Gordon had brought.

And behind them, the great city of Magna Excipe was ablaze. Even beyond that, the ocean on the other side of the thin island glistened.

Between them and AFRO, the city was now a wreck as people scrambled to recover from the havoc.

Ran sighed peacefully. “We never got this kind of wanton destruction where I’m from.”

Death shook his head. “Never again. I had not only a green ball of energy by a live fish crammed down my throat!” he yelled as he began to shudder at the memory.

“Do you even have a throat?”

“Of course not, but the effect is still there.”

The three sat on the beach as the sun began to fade. Nearby, a man dressed as a sponge hiding behind a brick wall began blowing exploding bubbles, which freaked out his Octillery for some odd reason.

“You know,” said Ran, suddenly sitting up. “I’ve come to hate this island.”

Zub and Death both nodded in agreement.

“How do we leave? Actually, how did we even get here?”

The author stepped out from a cloud. “My bad,” he said, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.

“Are you going to answer his question?!” asked Death in horror.

“Umm…. you got here by boat. Yeah. And, uh, it’s that boat that’s leaving now!” he yelled as a boat suddenly materialized in the docks, preparing to take off.

The three rushed to board as the Author chuckled to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Will we see each other again?” Miror B. dramatically yelled as Elsa turned on the helicopter she had gotten from Miror B.’s afro.

“What?!” she yelled over the now massive wind.

“I said, will we see-“

“What?!”

“Will-“

“What?!”

“Wi-“

Elesa smiled sweetly as Miror B> realized what she was doing. With a sad wave, Miror B. prepared his afro as her helicopter flew into it and back to Unova.

Then, the AFRO Leaguers burst into the room. “Miror B.!” they all cried out jubiously as they saw him.

“You guys!” Miror B. said, not bothering to say their names as pretty much everyone should know who they are.

“So glad you’re safe! We were all so worried!” Mary Sue shouted as she hugged her superior, to Gary Stu’s discomfort.

“Everyone?” he asked, looking at Eff Ecks.

“I admit, though dubious it may sound, I did miss you a bit,” he admitted.

“Dubious… Hey, what about that Dr. Guy that never joined us? Dr. Zubiousity or something?”

Miror B> thought about this. “We shall recruit him later. But for now, we celebrate! Tonight, we dance!”

As speakers extended out from his afro, vibrant salsa music began blaring as the four began to dance vigorously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, I suppose you all wonder why I brought you here?”

Gigasteel, Eff Ecks’ Registeel, Mirakle B., Dr. Zubious, Karate Guy Nob, Kooky the Klown and Rick Shaw all nodded.

“And I bet- wait, Kooky the Klown?” he asked as he scanned his victims. “Who are you?”

“I’m Kooky the Klown!” he announced in such a way that would get him into the Clown Hall of Fame. “They ca;; me that because I’m KOOOKY!”

“You’re a cookie?” Rick asked, drool forming along the corners of his mouth.

Kooky the Klown fished around in his pants and brought out a cookie, handing it to Rick.

“Yay for sharing!” declared the Klown as everyone else burst into happiness.

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!” cried out the Magikarp, losing its sinister demeanor as everyone began partying.

Z-nogyroP
10th July 2012, 9:33 PM
I would not eat the cookie Kooky handed to Rick.

Hooray for extra-long chapter! And for sharing! And for evil shiny Magikarps!

Missingno. Master
10th July 2012, 9:35 PM
“I’ve done every font,” said Rectangle proudly. “Except Comic Sans, which sucks. Just like Eff Ecks!”

You dare besmirch the good name of Comic Sans?! *rage*

Kutie Pie
11th July 2012, 1:42 AM
All righty. *cracks knuckles* It wasn't that big a chapter, honestly. Felt like a few of the other chapters.


Chapter 20: DEATH ARE A SEXY STUD <3

That sounds very promising.

Sadly... I did not get the stud I wanted. *turns to Eff Ecks* You were the only stud in this part.


Death turned to reveal… his face, among other features. I wish I could describe how lusciously insane it looked, but being a skeleton, alas, I cannot.

All I know is it looked like this. (http://www.memetshirts.org/product_images/uploaded_images/handsomefaceblank.gif)


“I will fight you!” Drawing out his lunchbox, he released the Pokémon contained within. “Ranshao, the proper Magmar, go!”

“Boober!” cried out Ranshao upon release.

“FOR THE LAST TIME MAGMAR, YOU ARE NOT JAPANESE!” roared Ran in high-definition, Blu-Ray-esque loudness.

...

“Boo- Magmar,” Magmar taunted as the structures returned to normal size and structure.

Awesomesauce.


Gemini the Sableye, without warning, hissed and leapt at Ranshao. Coating its hand in a slick mud, it stared Ranshao down before beginning to slap it. Hard.

“…Nice one, Gemini,” shrugged Death. “Way to fight like a sissy.”

Gemini twisted around and growled unhappily.

It'd be hilarious if Gemini turned out to be a girl all along. Or a girly-boy.


Then Shaquille O'Neal appeared from said door.

“Shaquille O'Neal!” exclaimed Ran.

“You, are, by far, the worst author I have ever heard of,” confirmed Shaquille O'Neal, nodding with a disgruntled air about him.

“Ah,” pointed out Death. “So you’ve heard of me. The great Shaq, knowing me! That must count for something!”

Shaq shook his head as he left the building.

That would've been so much better if he was a rapping genie. Or advertising for food.

Aw well.


Death snapped his fingers, and everything around them disappeared, revealing instead a large stage. Upon the stage, Miror B. was tied up.

“I’ll return your friend…” Death smiled. “…as well as my author powers… if you give me one million Pokémonies!” he finished, cackling.

“Miror B. isn’t our friend though,” pointed out Ran.

“Yes he is!” Miror B. called out desperately.

“I’ll need a new form of persuasion…” Death muttered.

Just then, almost uncannily on time, a girl ( http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/thumb/4/40/Black_2_White_2_Elesa.png/240px-Black_2_White_2_Elesa.png) walked up to the stage.

“What, you can’t be bothered to even describe new characters?!” asked Ran incredulously.

“Where am I?” Elesa asked, as though she was in a daze. Quickly, Death tied her to a chair matching Miror B.’s, careful not to touch her flesh.

“Is that enough incentive now?” Death asked, clearly bored. “A model, normal life… sorta, and Miror B.”

“So… good things, and then Miror B.” repeated Ran.

“Yup.”

“Hey!” protested Miror B. “I find this discriminative against afros!”

Death is either just making this up as he narrates along, or he planned this out from the start.

Miror B. is so in love with his afro XD. But it's understandable. *pats poofy hair* |D Hauuu...



So it was settled. Larry agreed to help Zub and Ran because he was rich and wanted to get revenge on Death, and the AFRO League decided to help to win back the model Elesa.

…And their leader too, but he was more of an afterthought. No hard feelings, Miror B.

Now that's discriminatory.


“Are you guys good with people?” Ran asked to the AFROs.

“Uh… have you not read Chapter, what was it, 18?” asked Eff Ecks.

“No.”

Gary Stu laughed while reminiscing. “We all went separate ways and made people sad.”

“…You guys are terrible people!” declared Ran.

“Why thank you,” blushed Mary Sue sweetly.

“Actually, come to think of it, Mary Sue didn’t make her target sad. It already hated life,” recalled Eff Ecks. “Say, Mary, what happened to him?”

“He was… consumed.”

“By what?!” exclaimed everyone else participating in the conversation.

“Love~” answered Mary Sue serenely to the others, while under her breath she added, “Of chocolate.”

They sure didn't beat around the bush. Guess even evil has standards. Talking about you, Ran.


On the other side of the ground floor of Larry’s building, Larry and the Author were furiously sorting through cookbooks as Zub began baking, donning an adorable little apron and hat in the process.

http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/1600/rename4.jpg

HAAUUU ZUB IS SO ADOWABLE IN HIS APRON AND HAT I'M GONNA TAKE HIM HOME WITH MEEEEEEEEEE



“Hello sir,” Eff Ecks said as he forced himself before him. He then resumed speaking elegantly. “Would you like to buy… a cookie pie?”

The man rubbed his beard and contemplated how good a cookie pie would taste. “I’m a woman,” she finally said.

“I-is that a yes?” asked Eff Ecks, desperate to change the subject.

The buff woman slugged him in the chest, throwing him back several meters. “I’ll take three,” she grunted before handing him a wad of cash and storming off.

Awesomeness. Reminds me of something... that HAS to be a reference.


Gary Stu and Mary Sue strolled down a sidewalk holding hands. They were looking for victims to con-

“No way!” interrupted Gary Stu angrily. “We’re looking for customers!”

Ha ha. It’s funny because she was looking for customers, as she claims.

“I’m a guy you know!” howled Gar Stu.

Whatever. Anyway, they were looking for people to buy food.

They walked up to a couple of children. “Hello, would you like to purchase some Volcano Bakemeat Cakes?” Mary Sue asked sweetly.

Youngster Ian turned around, a look of familiarity on his face. “You made me cry!” he screamed, holding back tears, as Gary Stu stifled a giggle.

Arnold looked upset too. “And Afro Friend stole my Magikarp!”

Ian turned to his friend. “’Stole?’”

Arnold crossed his arms. “I swear, he’s still alive! I CAN FEEL HIS BREATHING!”

“Then where is he now?” taunted Ian, who is now officially a jerk.

“We don’t need your commentary, Death!” snarled Arnold. “Also, at the bottom of the ocean. He can’t swim, remember?”

“What kind of fish can’t swim?”

“YOUR MOM!” laughed Arnold.

“Maybe we should find a different customer,” whispered Mary Sue.

This whole part is awesome like always. I think I sense a bit of Invader Zim in here. “I CAN FEEL HIS BREATHING” indeed.


Gordon nervously looked at the slip of paper he was holding. He then cautiously looked at the apartment.

On the way there, he noticed that the building was shrouded by what could be defined as an eternal downpour. Upon reaching the apartment complex, however, the eternal sun that followed him around couldn’t even seem to counteract this.

Extending a shaking claw, he gradually brought himself to tap the doorbell. Immediately a distraught-looking woman answered the door. Looking Gordon up and down, she seemed to come to a conclusion.

“Kyler! It’s for you!” she yelled to the space behind her. After realizing it was going to take “Kyler” a moment, she began conversing. “I’m giving you a fair warning; she’s the WORST roommate EVER! She didn’t take out the garbage, she ATE MY CAKE, and with her around, it never stops raining!” Glancing behind her, the girl sighed. “Here she comes…” she mumbled.

A large blue Pokémon that seemed to be some kind of whale burst through the front wall of the complex. The first girl sighed and went off on her own.

“Groooou, DON DON GROOOOOU! Grou… Don,” Gordon said, nodding confidently, which translates roughly to, “Look, Kyler, I know we’ve had problems in the past… but I believe this is meant to be. Will you forgive me?”

Kyler the Kyogre appeared to think for a moment. “KYOGRE!” she shouted, which roughly translates to, “LOL IMMA WHALE!”

Gordon scratched its tail awkwardly, trying to figure out what his ex was saying. “Groooou…do do don?” This means,. “Is that… a… yes?”

Kyler made a big goofy grin. “KYOOOOOOOGRE!” she roared happily. This translates exactly to “IMMA WHALE NARWHAAAAAAAL!”

Suddenly Gordon remembered why they broke up.

THIS. INGENIOUS. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE

Though Kyler could take lessons from Dory.


“Are you sure this is safe?!” bellowed Galidor over the gih winds.

Corn merely shrugged.

Dogars continued to spin midair over the flying Pokémon’s back. “Weee!” it cried out in a childish manner.

Using Corn’s uncanny ability to… as he sugarcoated it, “speak to Pokémon,” he had managed to persuade a passing Lugia to give them a ride.

“You make it sound naughty,” whimpered Corn.

Lugia, enraged at the word “it,” threw them to the ground where they landed painlessly on their legs.

“You’re a terrible author,” pointed out Dogars, who exploded several times as a result of this act of rebelliousness.

Words cannot describe this feeling.


“Don’t make me pull a poorly contrived plot device!” threatened Death.

“But that’s the author’s gag!” exclaimed Corn.

“HOW WOULD YOU KNOW,” demanded Death.

“I-I don’t know!” Corn panicked in response.

“That’s it…” hissed Death as he hit a button on his robe. “Plot device!” With an aura of mysteriousness, Death disappeared.

“It’s not mysterious if you’re the author,” groaned Galidor, tending to Dogars’ wounds. “Plus, you misspelled ‘disappeared’, making it even MORE anticlimactic!”

As a result of treachery, Galidor caught on fire.

Wow XD.

And Galidor's an idiot, Death spelt “disappeared” correctly. Then again, I think we established this earlier.


Somewhere off to the distance, a middle-aged man wearing a castle-shaped Snuggie stepped out of the bush, sporting hair to match Corn’s and an odd eyepiece.

“Your storytelling still sucks,” spluttered Galidor, sitting in a nearby stream to prevent further fires.

A lightning bolt struck him.

Pffft, I just got it XD.

The entire scene with Ghe—I mean, Schnitzel, Corn and the others is awesome like the other scenes. Hydreigon may be the funnier character, though, due to its split personalities... kinda... they really like their food.

I was confuzzled with this, though:


TMI.

Death, what does that mean?


Schnitzel merely offered an evil grunt, followed by a laugh. “Is that all you got?! En guarde! Hydreigon, use Focus Blast!”

The head that remained sound asleep let out a loud snore that accumulated in mid-air to form a large, brown cloud. The cloud then threw itself at Zoroark, who too massive damage.

“I guess you could say,” chuckled Corn softly while donning a pair of sunglasses. “…that Corn got creamed.”

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” wooted Hydreigon.

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=50162693


“Whoa whoa whoa,” protested Death, appearing from no where. “Ghe- I mean, Schnitzel wasn’t supposed to win! He was supposed to lose! HORRIBLY!”

Schnitzel feigned a hurt face.

“Don’t even,” grumbled Death.

“Though,” taunted Schnitzel. “I still wi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Death reached out and slapped Hydreigon, killing it instantly, which therefore means that Corn one.

Win. Lots and lots of win.


“Wow, Mr. Miror, it’s like a whole ‘nother world in here!” gasped Elesa.

Miror B. blushed. “Awwww. And to be fair, it’s actually three regions.”

Elesa looked around sadly. “With that guy gone, we don’t have anyone bt ourselves. Do you have anything in there to entertain me?” she asked sweetly, bouncing her hair in a serene manner.

Miror B. grinned and pulled out life-sized plush models of everyone on the fic, which creeped Elsa out. Luckily she liked it and played.

xD That's adorable in some odd way.

*creates a crack pairing*


Karate Guy Nob, right on cue, burst through a nearby wall. “I AM NOB,” he said, as if to clear up any remaining doubts that he was Nob.

*falls at feet* YOU ARE NOB.


Ran had to admit he lacked one, so he took off his helmet.

A long mane of untamed, hot pink bishie hair began flowing out in a gorgeous flow behind him as sun streamed into it, despite the complex lacking windows.

It was the most beautiful sight ever,

So beautiful, that mortal eyes can't comprehend i—OH GOD MY EYES WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EYES


“Wow,” the Author noted. “I guess at times the trio of friends aren’t total jerks and care for each other. Except you, Zub. You’ve died too much for anyone to care.” Frowning, Zub went back to work.

I still wub you, Zub.

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/4mKb8RqCJCQ/mqdefault.jpg Forever and ever.


Death grinned as he took the money from Ran. Suddenly, his head twisted suddenly to look straight up as his jaw fell open. A glowing orb of mesmerizing emerald popped out of his mouth, shortly followed by a golden fish Pokémon.

“It’s… you?!” Ran asked with doubt as the shiny Magikarp stared him down. Shortly after, the Author burst in and ingested the orb, regaining control of the story.

YEAH
TAKE THAT, READERS WHO LIKED DEATH NARRATING
ANYWAY

I'm gonna miss Death's narration.



“Mwhahaha!” laughed the fish laughably, swishing his tail with a plernk in victory. “Send out my next victim!”

Ran stared at it. “’Plernk?!’ How do you even pronounce that?!”

Magikarp shrugged. I think. It’s hard to tell.

I believe you pronounce it “ploor-unk”. It's my new favorite sound-effect now.


Eff Ecks shrugged. “Okay. Now that the 4th wall is gone, I can finally do this!” reached out of the fic and grabbed his own name, then wielded it like a sword. “Check and mate,” he sneered.

Ran stomped the ground and randomly withdrew a word. He began to put on his War Face as he swung his Ransword at .

Oh hell yes.


On the other side of the throne room, Tango and the Magikarp were now engaged in deep combat. Every move the golden Pokémon made, Tango mirrored flawlessly, and vice versa.

“How tedious is it that you cannot create new attacks?” laughed the fish.

Zub had had enough of this. But he could not speak.

Nodding to Tango to translate, he ran forward.

ZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUB…. PUUUUUUUUUNCH! roared Tango in a metallic version of… its own voice.

Zub stopped as he was right next to the Magikarp, then handed him a glass of a delicious-looking purple juice.

“For me?” it asked as it grasped the cup with its fins and chugged it down.

Tango turned around to face the monitor. “What, were you expecting him to do something else?”

Once the fish had finished slurping down the berry-flavoured juices, Zub nodded appreciatively.

Then Zub slugged his scaly gut very hard as revenge for the previous matches and walked out of the building.

“You’ll…. regret this,” gasped the fish as it struggled for air.

That was awesome timing.


he three sat on the beach as the sun began to fade. Nearby, a man dressed as a sponge hiding behind a brick wall began blowing exploding bubbles, which freaked out his Octillery for some odd reason.

LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE


“You know,” said Ran, suddenly sitting up. “I’ve come to hate this island.”

Zub and Death both nodded in agreement.

“How do we leave? Actually, how did we even get here?”

The author stepped out from a cloud. “My bad,” he said, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.

“Are you going to answer his question?!” asked Death in horror.

“Umm…. you got here by boat. Yeah. And, uh, it’s that boat that’s leaving now!” he yelled as a boat suddenly materialized in the docks, preparing to take off.

The three rushed to board as the Author chuckled to himself.

You're mean, Author. You're mean.




LOVELOVELOVELOVE—


“Will we see each other again?” Miror B. dramatically yelled as Elsa turned on the helicopter she had gotten from Miror B.’s afro.

“What?!” she yelled over the now massive wind.

“I said, will we see-“

“What?!”

“Will-“

“What?!”

“Wi-“

Elesa smiled sweetly as Miror B> realized what she was doing. With a sad wave, Miror B. prepared his afro as her helicopter flew into it and back to Unova.

XD


Then, the AFRO Leaguers burst into the room. “Miror B.!” they all cried out jubiously as they saw him.

“You guys!” Miror B. said, not bothering to say their names as pretty much everyone should know who they are.

I died. That was hilarious.



“So, I suppose you all wonder why I brought you here?”

Gigasteel, Eff Ecks’ Registeel, Mirakle B., Dr. Zubious, Karate Guy Nob, Kooky the Klown and Rick Shaw all nodded.

“And I bet- wait, Kooky the Klown?” he asked as he scanned his victims. “Who are you?”

“I’m Kooky the Klown!” he announced in such a way that would get him into the Clown Hall of Fame. “They ca;; me that because I’m KOOOKY!”

“You’re a cookie?” Rick asked, drool forming along the corners of his mouth.

Kooky the Klown fished around in his pants and brought out a cookie, handing it to Rick.

“Yay for sharing!” declared the Klown as everyone else burst into happiness.

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!” cried out the Magikarp, losing its sinister demeanor as everyone began partying.

The chapter ended on a happy note, you silly evil overlord, you.

Thanks for cheering me up a bit today. Looking forward to more.

Zibdas
11th July 2012, 2:26 AM
You dare besmirch the good name of Comic Sans?! *rage*
To be perfectly fair, Comic Sans is to fonts as IE is to browsers.


I would not eat the cookie Kooky handed to Rick.
What's not to trust?


Hooray for extra-long chapter! And for sharing! And for evil shiny Magikarps!
Hurray hurray!



All righty. *cracks knuckles* It wasn't that big a chapter, honestly. Felt like a few of the other chapters.
On a Word document, this one just barely makes it to the 21st page. No other chapter has made it past 13.


That sounds very promising.

Sadly... I did not get the stud I wanted. *turns to Eff Ecks* You were the only stud in this part.
Even if Death was your sexy stud, I'm not sure how well it would work, given that he's a dead guy that's been resurrected as a god of death who reaps souls out of boredom. Not to mention that he has no veritible body, just some hands, feet, skull, and cloak.


All I know is it looked like this. (http://www.memetshirts.org/product_images/uploaded_images/handsomefaceblank.gif)
Can skulls even look that good?


Awesomesauce.
Though I'm sure the joke has been done many, MANY times before, I was not directly inspired from anything. That, or my subconscious is trying to tell me something.


It'd be hilarious if Gemini turned out to be a girl all along. Or a girly-boy.
Gemini is a girl. It's just that no one can get close to it without being ferociously scratched, and Death has never really bothered to check. Plus the name doesn't really sound so feminine.


That would've been so much better if he was a rapping genie. Or advertising for food.
Aw well.
Sadly, I know nothing of Shaq. That's my excuse.


Death is either just making this up as he narrates along, or he planned this out from the start.
Given who it is... probably both. Or neither. Maybe it was all the Magikarp's doing. Who can say?


Miror B. is so in love with his afro XD. But it's understandable. *pats poofy hair* |D Hauuu...
When you put it like that it makes him seem like he's egocentric.


Now that's discriminatory.
Even evil doesn't have stand-


They sure didn't beat around the bush. Guess even evil has standards. Talking about you, Ran.
YOU'RE WRONG see above


http://img295.imageshack.us/img295/1600/rename4.jpg

HAAUUU ZUB IS SO ADOWABLE IN HIS APRON AND HAT I'M GONNA TAKE HIM HOME WITH MEEEEEEEEEE
Given that he can't protest... Have fun Zub ;D
Zub: ...


Awesomeness. Reminds me of something... that HAS to be a reference.
Though I'm sure the joke's been done before, it wasn't directly inspired by anything.


This whole part is awesome like always. I think I sense a bit of Invader Zim in here. “I CAN FEEL HIS BREATHING” indeed.
It does seem inspired. Huh.


THIS. INGENIOUS. LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
woohoo!

Though Kyler could take lessons from Dory.
Maybe Kyler is Dory evolved.


Words cannot describe this feeling.
The exploding part or the rebelliousness?


And Galidor's an idiot, Death spelt “disappeared” correctly. Then again, I think we established this earlier.
OH MY GARSH
When proofreading this (first time, yay!) I ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED THE JOKE
NOOOOOOO


Pffft, I just got it XD.
Fight fire with fire, and water with lightning. Ye Olde Saying.

The entire scene with Ghe—I mean, Schnitzel, Corn and the others is awesome like the other scenes. Hydreigon may be the funnier character, though, due to its split personalities... kinda... they really like their food.
One head is sophistocated, one is eternally hungry, and the last is the fun-loving one who gets bored easily if not readily engaged in fun.


I was confuzzled with this, though:


Death, what does that mean?
TMI means Too Much Information. Death was uncomfortable and a tad disturbed by Ghetsis' explanation.



http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=50162693
that pun wouldn't exist if not for you YOU'RE A HERO


Win. Lots and lots of win.
Death: The original Jerktrainer



xD That's adorable in some odd way.

*creates a crack pairing*
I felt the same way. Sadly, there's no shipping name for it.


*falls at feet* YOU ARE NOB.
"NOB NOB I AM NOB KARATE NOB"


So beautiful, that mortal eyes can't comprehend i—OH GOD MY EYES WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EYES
Might wanna go see a doctor about that.


I still wub you, Zub.

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/4mKb8RqCJCQ/mqdefault.jpg Forever and ever.
I think everyone does, to an extent. (even if thast extent is in the negatives)


I'm gonna miss Death's narration.
So will Death.



I believe you pronounce it “ploor-unk”. It's my new favorite sound-effect now.
See? Eff Ecks sometimes is maybe useful kinda uh...


Oh hell yes.
See? All kinds of fun to be had when you murder viciously the 4th wall


That was awesome timing.
The question still stands. What were you expecting?


You're mean, Author. You're mean.




LOVELOVELOVELOVE—
Just to clear this up; I am not the Author. The Author is the Author. Actually, does he even have a real name? Maybe his name is Arthur. WOuldn't that be something (cuz, you know it sounds like author and yeah)


I died. That was hilarious.
Honestly, if you don;t know their names by now... Either they have confusing names or you're Dory.


The chapter ended on a happy note, you silly evil overlord, you.

Thanks for cheering me up a bit today. Looking forward to more.

Believe me, it was my pleasure.

Kutie Pie
11th July 2012, 3:14 AM
On a Word document, this one just barely makes it to the 21st page. No other chapter has made it past 13.

It was 18 on mine (opened it on OpenOffice). I see, then. But that's why I saw no problem with the long chapter, since I love long chapters myself.

40+ Pages of a Chapter: *reach out through the screen* FINISH UUUUUUUUUSSSSSS.

Q_Q I know, my babies! Just hang on!


Even if Death was your sexy stud, I'm not sure how well it would work, given that he's a dead guy that's been resurrected as a god of death who reaps souls out of boredom. Not to mention that he has no veritible body, just some hands, feet, skull, and cloak.

I would've found a way.


Can skulls even look that good?

With enough PhotoShop, I'm sure they can.


Though I'm sure the joke has been done many, MANY times before, I was not directly inspired from anything. That, or my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Probably the latter.


Gemini is a girl. It's just that no one can get close to it without being ferociously scratched, and Death has never really bothered to check. Plus the name doesn't really sound so feminine.

Makes sense why Gemini glared at him.


Sadly, I know nothing of Shaq. That's my excuse.

At least you don't know the horrors of green egg and hamming it. Be proud.


When you put it like that it makes him seem like he's egocentric.

That's one reason why I love him 8D.


Given that he can't protest... Have fun Zub ;D
Zub: ...

YOU WILL HAVE FUN, ZUB



Maybe Kyler is Dory evolved.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


The exploding part or the rebelliousness?

Everything.


OH MY GARSH
When proofreading this (first time, yay!) I ACCIDENTALLY DESTROYED THE JOKE
NOOOOOOO

But it's a happy accident, because you made a new joke! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!


One head is sophistocated, one is eternally hungry, and the last is the fun-loving one who gets bored easily if not readily engaged in fun.

I hope to see more.


TMI means Too Much Information. Death was uncomfortable and a tad disturbed by Ghetsis' explanation.

Ah, okay then.


that pun wouldn't exist if not for you YOU'RE A HERO

http://www.scancrit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/excellent-4689_preview.png


I felt the same way. Sadly, there's no shipping name for it.

Afroshipping. It shall be dubbed Afroshipping.


Just to clear this up; I am not the Author. The Author is the Author. Actually, does he even have a real name? Maybe his name is Arthur. WOuldn't that be something (cuz, you know it sounds like author and yeah)

XD

If his name IS Arthur, then I'm going to have Arthur the Aardvark in my head for the rest of the story. It's inevitable.


Honestly, if you don;t know their names by now... Either they have confusing names or you're Dory.

That's why I died laughing.

Rotomknight
11th July 2012, 6:19 PM
I am caught up.
Will you please put me on the pm list.
I hope a large AFRO battle decides everything.

Scaldaver
13th July 2012, 9:31 PM
He killed their hero.

He had killed their hero. This makes it in the past tense, rather than present.


Well, to be perfectly fair, it started innocently enough. That hardly justifies murdering viciously, though however unintentionally, their one and only hope for their kind.

'It had started innocently enough' and '...hardly justified being murdered viciously, though, however...' These changes make it sound more past tense and the bit in italics just makes it flow better and keeps a past event in the past.


“What about no companion!” cried the elder, who had enough. If he truly wants one, he’ll get it. For now, he has his sole Pokemon. Is everyone clear?!” yelled the elder to a mixed garble of “yes”es.[/I]

Should be 'who had had enough', then speech marks after the full stop.

[QUOTE]The man’s eyes lit up once more. “A POGEYMAN! AND IT IS CUUU~UTE!” groping his belt for his Pokéball, he promptly threw it. releasing a Magikarp.

The start of a sentence always starts with a capital letter, so it should be 'Releasing'.


“Oo, this’ll be fun!” exclaimed Zub’s ‘Pikachu’. “Especially after he called me ‘cute’.”


The word is usually 'Ooh,' but it doesn't really matter.


The Zubat flew in front of them, malevolent fangs glistening in the plae yellow light filtering in through the small crevices splattered throughout the cavern.

I believe 'Pale' is spelt incorrectly.


“ think I can kill them all… what am I saying. I’m meant to kill stuff. Killing a few Zubats wouldn’t hurt.”

I believe 'I' should be at the beginning there.


“Uh.” said Death stupidly. “Was that supposed to happen?”

Once again, there should be a capital letter after a full-stop, so there should be a comma instead of a full stop.


“So, why are you rescuing me from the dead again?” aid Zub, as apparently he could speak provided he was not living.

You forgot the S in said.


WOW!” exclaimed Gabby, eyes watering up with sheer admiration at the three word response. “Ty! Write this down! This is… beautiful! Exquisite! All of the above!”

“uh, yes sir! Ma’am! Sira’am!” said Ty, furiously scribbling it down on a yellow notebook.

Ok, so here there should be a speech mark at the beginning and a capital letter at the beginning of the second paragraph.


“I come from the future. Why did I save you? Solely because I remember me doing it when I was you.” Zub rubbed his temples.

“Your friends are down that cliffside, and I really must be going. Ciao!” said the Whiteboard, and Zub and the whiteboard both vanished, leaving Zub to slide down the hill by himself.

Yay, bootstrap paradox!


“You do not recognize me? Perhaps this will remind you…” A Zub appeared, a lavish mix of blue and purple tiniting its luscious flesh devoid of any fur nor scales. Its gaping maw was packed ferociously with fangs and other sharp objects meant solely for killing, and-“

There shouldn't be speech marks at the end there.


Zub gripped the fat creature’s horns wildly as it sped through the forest, weaving nimbly through the leaves as though it weren’t the two hundred pound meatbrick it was.”

Same here.


“You are in a drug induced coma, my dear. And I am your spirit guide, Nob, karate Master.

The opposite here.


“Three?” asked Death, confused. But I tho-

Ok, this isn't really a mistake, but I think the last bit should be 'thou-', as a 'tho' sound isn't present in 'thought'.


His friends, like the idiots they are, followed him.

Ok, so here the word 'are' should be 'were' as it is meant to be past tense.


He turned to a small mechanical orb floating beside him. It was made of two hemispheres conjoined by a short cylinder slightly thinner than the other two sides. A propeller protruded from its back, enabling it to fly. A red, glowing eye was the only blemish on its surface.

Calling something an orb (i.e, a sphere) then describing it as not an orb, seems a bit contradictory.



“Good.,” said Miror B. “Thn I am justified.”

Mis-spelling of 'Then' and there shouldn't be that first full stop.


“And then I was all, ‘Sharp bits welded onto… FLAT BITS!’”1 Miror B exclaimed as both he and Mirakle B fell into laughter.

That 1 shouldn't be there - just another typo.


There are three rules tha remain untouched, however.

't' at the beginning of 'that'.


“AmI now?” he asked, confused.

Space between Am and I.


“Ow,” he said, shocked. Most things that would touch him would die, which is why he would never become a gardener, much to his mother’s complaints.

Loved this part - made me laugh out loud.


Well, that's as far as I got until the typos began to end, so I stopped being so critical.

Straight from the get-go I was entranced by the imaginiveness of the corrupt and illogical plot, and loved all the randomeness and plot ideas. The cliffhangers, however crazy and intentionally outrageous, actually gripped me into reading more. The openings had the same effect, setting up running jokes for the chapter and as such.

The characters were a bit plain, but that was expected, I suppose, considering the context. Death I love in particular, mostly because of his power and general outlook on things.

The only major problem I suppose I have is that it's a bit hard to keep what's happening straight, as so much happens. But I suppose making it less random would ruin the crux of the story.

Overall, I found this a really enjoyable, random, quirky piece of fiction which really tickled my funny bone - the best bit I found was the opening in which the character's silence was explained, the reason for his adventure and the personification of Death. ALL. PURE. GENIUS.

Zibdas
13th July 2012, 10:58 PM
It was 18 on mine (opened it on OpenOffice). I see, then. But that's why I saw no problem with the long chapter, since I love long chapters myself.
OpenOffice? People use that?


40+ Pages of a Chapter: *reach out through the screen* FINISH UUUUUUUUUSSSSSS.

Q_Q I know, my babies! Just hang on!
You might want to check your prescription. Or hire an exorcist.


I would've found a way.
Love trumps all. Love's name is secretly Donald.


With enough PhotoShop, I'm sure they can.
Death: I'm a sexy stud even without computer editing, so-
GET OUT OF MY REPLIES DEATH


Makes sense why Gemini glared at him.
Maybe, in a sudden plot twist, Death is female! Egads! Death stop approaching me slowly with that glare it's freaking me out


At least you don't know the horrors of green egg and hamming it. Be proud.
Dr. Seuess; The naughty version?


That's one reason why I love him 8D.
Maybe he's attracted only to his hairstyle. Not egocentric, just reflects his dancing mindset.


YOU WILL HAVE FUN, ZUB
I'll pack his colouring book!


Everything.
Even Ran?


But it's a happy accident, because you made a new joke! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Yay happy fun oops yay!


I hope to see more.
I wouldn't let something that is so fun to write get off the hook so easily.


http://www.scancrit.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/excellent-4689_preview.png
HERO


XD

If his name IS Arthur, then I'm going to have Arthur the Aardvark in my head for the rest of the story. It's inevitable.
ohmaigawsh that thing
Maybe the reader should be a character then! Hnng! Like... uh... I got nothing.



I am caught up.
Will you please put me on the pm list.
I hope a large AFRO battle decides everything.
You're on! Yay!
And if you'll recall, the main antagonists are... er... Them. Though admittedly they're not very main right now. That'll have to be fixed.


The word is usually 'Ooh,' but it doesn't really matter.
'Oo' gives it less of a posh sound, in my opinion.


Yay, bootstrap paradox!
Hurray for boots!


Ok, this isn't really a mistake, but I think the last bit should be 'thou-', as a 'tho' sound isn't present in 'thought'.
I guess it depends on your accent, but oh well.


Ok, so here the word 'are' should be 'were' as it is meant to be past tense.
While that may be true, they still ARE idiots. They don't grow out of it; they're idiots. End of story.


Calling something an orb (i.e, a sphere) then describing it as not an orb, seems a bit contradictory.
It's still an orb, just has a small break in the center. Picture a grey Pokéball, but where the stripe is indented.


Loved this part - made me laugh out loud.


Straight from the get-go I was entranced by the imaginiveness of the corrupt and illogical plot, and loved all the randomeness and plot ideas. The cliffhangers, however crazy and intentionally outrageous, actually gripped me into reading more. The openings had the same effect, setting up running jokes for the chapter and as such.
I was going to try to argue that the plot made perfect sense, then I realized it probably doesn't so I sat back down.


The characters were a bit plain, but that was expected, I suppose, considering the context. Death I love in particular, mostly because of his power and general outlook on things.
Plain, huh? I suppose I'm going to have to give them more life. That's a bit hard for some of them (I'M LOOKING AT YOU ZUB)


The only major problem I suppose I have is that it's a bit hard to keep what's happening straight, as so much happens. But I suppose making it less random would ruin the crux of the story.
Really? I have no problem, and you're the first to note this. Maybe... maybe you're trying to hard? *gasp*


Overall, I found this a really enjoyable, random, quirky piece of fiction which really tickled my funny bone - the best bit I found was the opening in which the character's silence was explained, the reason for his adventure and the personification of Death. ALL. PURE. GENIUS.
Hurray for happy end!

Zibdas
19th July 2012, 9:47 AM
Character List & their Pokémon
WARNING: THERE ARE DEFINITELY SPOILERS HERE
Team Zub
Zub

Zub is everyone's favourite mute protagonist in a fan fiction. Why? I have no idea. He sure does love his lemonade, though.
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/62/MDP241.png
Derpy Moos, Miltank ♀
Known Moves;
Milk Drink
Body SLam
Captivate
Rollout
Stomp
Iron Head
Quick Attack

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/37/MDP374.png → http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/53/MDP375.png
Tango the Metang
Known moves;
Psychic
Iron Defense
Metal Claw
Bullet Punch

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/c/cc/MDP320.png
Wombo the Wailmer ♂
Known Moves;
Surf
Waterfall
Heavy Slam
Ice Beam


Death

Death
Death came to Zub to kill him. But he didn't. Now Zub is stuck with him. Yay?
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/7/75/MDP302.png
Gemini the Sableye ♀
Known Moves;
Shadow Claw
Mud Slap
Shadow Force
Mean Look

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/64/MDP124.png
Suckish the Jynx ♀


Ran

Ran, originating in a sprite comic series, has since gone job hunting after that comic ended. He ended up being hired as an assassin to kill Zub, but after realizing Zub was okay, joined his group instead. Known to be very communistic, though he's lost his touch after spending so much time with Zub.
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/d8/MDP240.png → http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/8/88/MDP126.png
Ranshao the Magmar ♂
Known Moves;
Flame Blast
Flamethrower
Mimic
Substitute
Clear Smog
Dual Chop

http://www.virtuadopt.com/images/content/headshots/622.png
Kalinka the red Golett ♀
Known Moves;


AFRO League
Miror B.

Miror B. Need I say more?
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/de/MDP384.png
[Raymond] the Shiny Rayquaza
Known Moves;
Fly

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/64/MDP270.png
Salsa the Lotad


Eff Ecks

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/2/24/MDP379.png
[Gigasteel] the Registeel
Known Moves;
Shock Wave


Gary Stu

Black Kyurem
Known Moves;

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/b/b6/MDP006.png
Shiny Charizard ♂
Known Moves;
Flamethrower
Return


Mary Sue

FORMERLY OWNED
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/0/0c/MDP383.png
Gordon the Groudon♂
Known Moves;


Team Dogars
Galidor

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/51/MDP109.png
Dogars the Koffing♂
Known Moves;

http://www.virtuadopt.com/images/content/headshots/543.png
Vidi Vici the Venipede


Corn

http://www.virtuadopt.com/images/content/headshots/571.png
Zoroark ♀
Known Moves;
U-Turn
Focus Blast
Dig


Them

Asleigh

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/1/13/MDP378.png
Regice
Known Moves;
Ice Beam

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/d3/MDP178.png
Xatu♀
Known Moves;
Future Sight

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/d1/MDP428.png
Lopunny ♀
Known Moves;
Strength
ThunderPunch



http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/0/0a/MDP133.png → http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/0/02/MDP134.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/f/f9/MDP135.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/dd/MDP136.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/51/MDP196.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/d9/MDP197.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/34/MDP470.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/67/MDP471.png
Tantum the Modified Eevee ♀
Known Moves;
As Vaporeon: Dive
As Jolteon:
As Flareon:
As Espeon: Psychic, Iron Tail
As Umbreon:
As Leafeon:
As Glaceon :

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/32/MDP486.png
Regigas ♀
Known Moves;
Hammer Arm


Matrin

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/d/d4/MDP380.png
Latias ♀
Known Moves;
Mist Ball

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/7/73/MDP352.png
Kecleon ♀
Trick Room
Trick
Fire Blast
Double Team

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/67/MDP471.png
Glaceon
Barrier
Charm


Bel

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/37/MDP381.png
Latios ♂
Known Moves;
Luster Purge
Psychic
Dragon Pulse

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/b/b7/MDP475.png
[Gallade]♂
Known Moves;
Psycho Cut
Leaf Blade


Rath

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/c/c1/MDP377.png
Regirock
Known Moves;
Stone Edge
Hammer Arm

Rectangle East


Germaine East




http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/9/91/MDP464.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/e/e6/MDP358.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/3/3e/MDP075.pnghttp://www.virtuadopt.com/images/content/headshots/530.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/5c/MDP019.png
http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/c/cb/MDP003.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/e/e5/MDP224.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/7/76/MDP082.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/5/53/MDP295.pnghttp://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/6/65/MDP476.png


Other Characters

Team Hippy



Rick Shaw

http://cdn.bulbagarden.net/upload/f/fb/MDP101.png
Electrode x100 [various genders]
Known Moves;
Explosion


Schnitzel

http://www.virtuadopt.com/images/content/headshots/635.png
Dingle, Linga, and Loo the Hydreigon ♂, ♂, ♀, respectively.
Known Moves;
Focus Blast



note; unova mugshots are not my own. they are from virtuadopt

Zibdas
20th July 2012, 6:31 PM
Chapter 21: THE SERIOUS CHAPTER

“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” said Death, who was bored as the boat was taking forever to do anything.

Ran and Zub stared at him.

Then, Ran reached over and patted his head. “That’s nice,” he said.

Death punted him off the boat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, uh, Schnitzel,” Corn awkwardly began. “If you’re going to be travelling with us, I’m going to need to know some things about my, uh, past life.”

“What need you know?” asked Schnitzel as he rode atop his Hydreigon, which Death had the decency to un-kill.

“Unfortunately, yes,” sighed one of the heads. “Schnitzel weighs a ton.”

The other two heads vigorously nodded in agreement.

“This is confusing,” scowled Schnitzel. “Each head needs a name, as I shall declare them!”

“But Master, why-“

“Your name is Dingle!”

“Can we just get some foo-“

“And you’re Linga!”

The other had fell asleep of boredome.

“And… loo!”

It woke up with a start. “Loo?! Why did you name me after a toilet, of all things?”

“Pure coincidence,” said Schnitzel airily, waving the question off. “Anyway, what did you need to know?”

“Um… well… what was my favourite luulaby as a kid?”

Schnitzel coughed. “Lullaby?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Corn. Dogars and Galidor watched with mild interest.

“We should really get back to hunting Zub,” commented Dogars.

“Next chapter,” shrugged Galidor, eager to hear Schnitzel’s lullaby.

“Well, uh…” Schnitzel began nervously. “Here we go…

“Go to sleep, little N- I mean Cooooorn,
Humans are suckish but Pokémon are gooood
Pokémon have been with you since you were…. born!
And I sing to you since humans SUCK

“NO no no, this song is not propaganda,
This song is truth, not to deceive
La la la la and a panda
This song is incognito, now I leave!”

Schnitzel finished to the applause of his co-travelers.

Schnitzel bowed. “It was my pleasure. Corn, what did you think?”

Corn shrugged and smiled. “I think this universe is pretty jacked up.”


End Chapter 21
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________


http://i.imgur.com/Lhzm3.gif
#swag














“Whoa whoa whoa whoa,” stuttered Death. “It can’t be over yet! We’re not even past the two page minimum!”

The Author appeared on their boat. “Hmmm, yes. That’s right,” he frowned.

“I was such a paragon,” smiled Death. The Author rolled his eyes.

“A paragon of idiocy, maybe.”

“That wasn’t nice,” pouted Death glumly. “Isn’t it Dead Guy Appreciation Week, anyway?”

“Oh yeah!” exclaimed Ran in surprise. “I forgot to give you this!”

Death greedily ripped open the small parcel Ran had given him as ub stared determinedly at the sea passing beneath the boat.

Death glared at Ran. “Shin Guards?! How insensitive!”

Ran smiled jokingly. “You described yourself as having knees, so I couldn’t resist.

Death frowned grumpily as he kicked Ran off to his watery demise… again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub, meanwhile, had detected some movement along the ripples in the water the ship was producing. By any rate, he figured it had most likely been a Pokémon. Zub probably had to catch it, given the utter lack of wild normal Pokémon, meaning that it was probably put there for plot reasons and someone had to catch it. Logic.

He was that someone. Gripping two Pokéballs, he made his way to the lower decks, one full and the other empty and ready to capture.

He wanted to yell out something to draw it out, but alas, as he wandered down the sterile iron walls of the lower decks, he could not. He had a better plan. Unleashing his beloved Derpy Moos, he nodded evilly.

“[i]Derpy is using Captivate,” Tango noted upon releasing itself from its Pokéball, making an internal noise comparable to a yawn and stretching its arms. It looked at Zub drowsily. I think you might want to look… elsewhere.

The Milk Cow Pokémon grinned sweetly. Putting on a innocent guise, she then began dancing around in a way that would be seductive to Pokémon. I won’t describe it for your sake, ad Zub just barely managed to look away before the process began.

“Loatad?” asked the lily pad Pokémon as it peered out from behind a crate.

Zub turned sharply and grinned demonically.

“Looootaaaaad,” the Lotad whimpered.

Throwing a Pokéball, Zub smiled triumphantly.

The Pokéball snapped shut with a subtle zthenk. This disturbed Ran.

As the Pokéball retreated to his hand, it misturned and smacked him in the head.

He looked around and tried to remember where he was, but then he remembered he didn’t know how to remember that and that he didn’t remember how to remember how to remember that, so instead of remembering remembering how to remember remembering, he sat down.

Suddenly he had had a headache.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So here it is, the magnificent island of Lilycove, the Cove Lily!” exclaimed the ship’s captain, chuckling.

“So clever of you,” remarked Death. “Want a high-five?”

Before the captain even had a chance to respond, Ran pushed Death off the gangplank and onto the solid earth. The ship had landed on a small peninsula just southeast of Lilycove. TO their left was a winding path that lead up mountainous cliffs to the city. On their right were more cliffs. Directly in front of them was the rest of the sandlot they were on, which had a small path to the other cliffs.

Zub stumbled out of the boat after them, attempting to recall how to walk. Something in his head told him to just hold down a button on the D-Pad, whatever that was.

“So glad you could join us,” Death commented. “Which way should we go, Hero?”

Zub shrugged and struggled up the center path, apparently attempting to go up the cliffs. Shrugging, his comrades followed him to the plateau above.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if this place was indigo?” Ran commented randomly.

Suddenly, on the other side of the cliffside plateau, they noticed two figures overlooking the ocean.

“Hey, you!” Death rudely called. “Knucklehead McSpazitrons! What are you doing, standing over there so ominously positioned so we can see nothing but a dark silhouette?!”

Seeing as they did not respond, the trio walked cautiously over to them.

“Seriously, who are you guys?!” demanded Ran upon getting to an oddly specific 37.58 feet away from the figures, who turned around.

The most striking thing about them was how very different they were, in contrast to each other.

One, a tall girl, donned a sharp black dress that made her look absolutely magnificent to all but Zub, who was trying to remember how to feel attracted to someone. And I mean sharp; her dress was intricately laced, and some ends jutted out and strongly resembled blades.

The other wore a purple tuxedo with matching purple top hat, and had an overall more charming demeanor. He actually smiled and waved at the approaching trio, stopping only momentarily to adjust his bow tie and tip his had, revealing shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair.

“I am the great and powerful Bel, admin of Them,” the girl introduced herself in a mighty, controlling tone.

The other one shrugged. “I’m her companion, her yang, her jelly for her peanut butter. You may call me Matrin, Magician of Dimensions!”

The trio stared at them. “So…. were you guys making out, or were we interrupting nothing at all?” Death asked bluntly, causing a furious blush to appear over Bel’s face. A lighter, sillier blush appeared over Matrin’s who was grinning.

“Despite what his stupid face might suggest, we were doing nothing of that sort!” Bel denied angrily.

Matrin pulled out a violin, shrugged it over his shoulder, and then began playing it at a furious, melodious pace.

“Since when can you play the cello?!” demanded Bel.

Matrin shrugged and playfully poked her with the violin’s bow. “En garde,” he said teasingly.

Bel stared him down and then shoved him off the cliff. Once that was done, she drew an Luxury Ball as Matrin slowly materialized beside her, toting what seemed to be a green chestnut.

“Stupid apricots,” he mumbled, once more digging through his hat and pulling out an Ultra Ball as well.

“Um, what?” asked Death.

“I recognize you!” Bel shouted. “You’re the people that sucked Eff Ecks and Amiss Anima away from Them, so we could get hired! We’re supposed to destroy you if we see you!”

“Ah,” said Death. “So long as that’s reasonable.”

“Destroy them all, Latios!” Bel yelled ferociously, drawing a katana from a previously unseen holster on her waist and pointing it skyward, where a white, if not a really light tone of grey with blue armour was spawned from a shimmer of red light.

Likewise, Matrin begrudgingly released a very similar looking dragon, although it was wearing red armour. It was smaller and altogether had a more playful demeanor.

“Oh my corpse,” gasped Death. “It’s Latios and Latias! They’ve been the center of my dreams since I was young!”

“But wait. Aren’t Latios and Latias male and female, respectively? So wouldn’t it make sense if you two had the one you didn’t have?” asked Ran, rubbing his head in confusion.

Matrin shrugged grumpily. “Oh, believe me. We did. But Bel couldn’t stand not having the bigger one so she forced me to trade.”

Bel grinned evilly and did a small twirl. “It comes naturally,” she explained.

Not one to be deterred, Zub instinctively drew a Pokéball, though he had no idea why he wanted to fight these people. Probably because they looked at him, though that hardly makes sense.

Mostly probably because they really didn’t have anything better to do, Ran and Death unleashed their own Pokémon.

With Ranshao the Magmar, Derpy Moos the Miltank, and Gemini the Sableye staring down the legendary Pokémon Latios and Latias, this battle could work out in epic proportions.

Or not.

“Luster Purge, Latios, and KILL THEM!” Bel laughed in an evil, feminine way.

“Latias, use Mist Ball or something, I guess,” shrugged Matrin.

“Counter one of them with Mean Look, Gemini!” Death called as Gemini began, smiling deceptively cute.

“Ranshao, Clear Smog!” Ran shouted communistically. Obliging, the Magmar made an action as though it were simply holding its mouth in an “O” shape.

Derpy Moos stared at expectantly at Zub, who had no idea and just gave a shrug, commending it to do whatever it felt like.

Latios, meanwhile, had shrouded itself in a thick veil of light as it rushed towards Deroy Moos. At the last moment (of the attack, not of the world, mind you), Gemini jumped in front of the attack, taking no damage due to its typing. Grinning maliciously, it stared at Latios.

“Uh, guys, I think something is wrong,” lamented Latios as he struggled in mid-air.

“What are you doing?!” screeched Bel.

Death smirked haphazardly. “It’s Gemini’s Mean Look. Prevents the foe from escaping, be it the battle or Gemini’s wrath.”

“Sounds… mean.” commented Matrin dangerously as he straightened his bowtie.

“No doi,” Death said, attempting in vain to roll his eye… sockets.

On the other side of the makeshift arena, Latias was merrily launching a bal of illustrious mist at Ranshao, who launched a wave of dense, soupy fog as retaliation. The impact then proceeded to explode.

“Bo- Maaaar!” roared Ranshao, attempting to shrug off its injuries.

“Owwww….” moaned Latias in direct contrast.

Matrin turned and looked sharply at the collision. “Since when do mist and smog explode randomly?”

“I had a talk with the masses,” grinned the Author, appearing from within a bush. “They all unanimously agree that explosions? They make everything better. Everythiiiiing,” he finished with a hiss.

“Where did you come from?!” exclaimed Bel, choking on her own gloating in shock.

“I apologize,” sighed Matrin. “She’s new here.”

After a painful jab to Matrinm’s side, Bel continued to glare at the Author. “Why have you come here, and from where?!”

“This bush,” shrugged the Author.

“How do you even fit in it?!” she demanded, drawing both katana in a blink of an eye and pointing them towards the Author.

“This? Oh, this is just my Secret Base,” the Author said as casually as he could as Rick popped up from the bush.

“Sir! I’ve finished counting all the words in the German dictionary, just like you asked!” he exclaimed happily.

“Podoba mi się,” moaned Gemini, who continued to target its gaze onto poor Latios.

“Someone… I’m serious here, please help,” whimpered Latios.

“Do you honestly expect us to believe your secret base is in a bush?” Bel asked sternly, prepared to strike at any moment.

“Yes,” replied the Author, unwavering.

“And how, per se, did you manage to fit a whole base in there?” she said, voice positively oozing skepticism.

“Secret Power.”

“I demand that you tell me!”

“I did. It’s Secret Power!”

Infuriated, Bel ran after him to hack the Author to pieces if need be.

Returning focus to the battle, Matrin realized his poor Latias probably wouldn’t do much after that catastrophic battle. “Return,” he sighed.

“What are you going to do now?” smirked Death, skull grinding obnoxiously to get the desired facial expression. “We’ve never encountered someone with more than one Pokémon… well, excluding that one guy, of course.”

Zub shrugged and nodded his agreement halfheartedly.

Meanwhile Derpy was repeatedly attacking Latios with dedicated ferocity, using Iron Head over and over as Latios could only flinch from every impact.

Matrin shrugged. “I’m not most people,” he reinstated, as if his demeanor, occupation, and clothes would dare suggest otherwise. “Kecleon, let’s roll!”

Throwing a Quick Ball, a lizard Pokémon that was nearly as tall as Ran formed and began looking around nervously, tail furiously coiling and uncoiling. Its eyes, notably, were always looking at different things.

“A Kecleon?” guffawed Death. “Is that all? Its speed and power are lackluster at best!”

“Dude,” growled Ran. “You sound like a Smogon.”

“Kecleon, use Trick Room!” declared Matrin triumphantly, ignoring Death and Ran’s comments.

Kecleon frowned as it began wagging its arms randomly. Finally, once it stopped, it looked extremely pained before expelling a large cube from its hind quarters, which expanded enough to cover the entire battle field.

“Should’ve seen it coming,” said Death, snapping his fingers in frustration. “Ran, it’s up to you as Derpy and Gemini are currently….” he cast a sidelong glance at the two, who were taking turns kicking Latios’ unconscious body. “….busy.”

“Fine by me,” smiled Ran. “Ranshao, use Fire Blast!” Nodding in an epiphany of joy, Ranshao did a sharp intake of air, before exhaling an inferno of star-shaped embers.

Kecleon just grinned and took the blaze with a jubilant smile. When the assault finally ended, Kecleon was smiling with an aura of serenity.

Plus, it was on fire.

“Kecleon, give it a taste of its own PILLZ! Fire Blast!” Matrin called out, utilizing a melodramatic point.

Kecleon was only too happy to oblige, scooping up a fist full of fire and hurling it at the Magmar. As the ball of flames caught more and more air, it readily grew until it matched the size of Ranshao’s own blast.

Grunting in watching his Pokémon go through such an ordeal, Ranshao double checked to make sure his Pokémon was okay. Confirming this, he smiled. “Ranshao, Dual Chop!”

Ranshao positioned its hands until they were in classic formation for a well-timed karate chop. He then held them out and gently blew embers onto them until indigo imprints of dragons appeared on his wrists, which steadily grew to phantom dragon boxing gloves.

As he rushed forward to meet his opponent, he suddenly slammed both hands into the poor chameleon Pokémon, who took quite the bashing. At the end of the assault, however, Kecleon was covered in a deep aura matching Ranshao’s move.

“Oh no,” groaned Matrin in despair. He quickly resumed his composure, however, and ordered an attack once more. “Double Team, let’s do it!”

Kecleon, upon hearing the urgency detected in his master’s voice, began to shuffle itself around the battlefield, making illusions of itself as it went, which were all sucked into itself at the end.

“No matter! Ranshao, use Dual Chop again, let’s finish this!”

“Magber… Magmar,” Magmar growled after correcting itself, preparing to attack the Kecleon once more. Rushing at the Pokémon, it unleashed its attack, which somehow missed by a few inches. Scratching its head in confusion, Ranshao prepared another frenzy, only to have the same result.

And again.

And again.

And again.

“Gemini,” Death sighed. “Please take a break from literally beating the dead horse and use Hypnosis on Kecleon, would you?” Gemini nodded its affirmation and launched what seemed to be golden hula hoops from its eyes in the general direction of the Kecleon, which made it fall asleep instantly.

“Oh dear,” muttered Matrin.

Ranshao, now in full confidence, launched another Dual Chop.

And missed.

“THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!” screamed Ran in exasperation. “Even by our standards!”

Latios, struggling to regain consciousness, attempted everything in its arsenal. Psychic, Dragon Pulse, anything or everything. Nothing was able to shake off his opponents, however, as Bel returned and recalled him.

“Ugh. Go, Galla-“

She was interrupted rudely by two other people.

“These guys are our orders to kill!” yelled Ashleigh, now sporting a tie-dyed pink-and-yellow sundress.

Behind her, Rath roared, his exposed chest muscles looking more finely tuned for destruction than ever,

“Se found them, so fair’s fair,” retorted Bel. “Besides, as two admins, we outrank you, as one admin and a wall of flesh.”

“I swear, he should be an admin,” grumbled Ashleigh, rubbing her arm. “Can we at least kill the dead one? I still need to make things… fair.”

Everyone unsurely recalled their Pokémon, watching everyone’s next moves.

“I want to kill them all,” snapped Bel. “Or we could, you know, Execute Order 67…”

“Order 67?” asked Death dubiously.

“OHDUH SISSY SE-EN?!” roared Rath in a semi-questioning tone, apparently curious as well.

Ashleigh glared at Matrin and Bel. “Fine,” she submitted, beginning the chant as the other two chimed in.

“Hero, Villain, woo woo woo!
Villain, Hero, Poo poo poo!
AIIIIIREBA!” they finished together, as a tall, muscular figure began forming in front of them.

Suddenly, before the trio materialized a man. His chest was exposed through a rift in his dark purple suit, revealing very developed biceps, though not as excruciating as Rath’s, they were good for someone who seemed to be middle-aged. He donned odd black combat boots with green highlights that went well with his dark green cape flowing behind him. His platinum-blue hair flowed in a shoulder-length tangle behind him as he began grinning with an insane tone.

“Whho are you?” asked Ran.

“I? I are BRYCENMAN!” the newcomer laughed triumphantly, brandishing an oddly crystalline sword and staff.

“What?” asked Death.

“Ahahaha!” Brycenman laughed, swinging around a sword made of ice with no any rhyme nor reason. “Ahahahaha!”

“This guy is nuts,” whispered Death.

“Even by our standards,” whispered Ran.

Zub stared stupidly at all of them.

“What’s that look for, Hero?” laughed Brycenman. “You think you can fight ME, the GREAT! The ALMIGHTY! The HERO! The… BRYCENMAN?!” he declared as he composed himself dangerously.

Zub shrugged and began drawing pictures in the sand.

“What are we going to do?!” exclaimed Ran to Death, who had both began running away from Brycenman, who was putting forth a furious chase despite his age.

“You’re going to LOSE!” cried out their pursuer, which was of no help to anyone.

“Let’s blow bubbles!” Ran said tearfully as Brycenman came unfortunately close.

“Yeah, like that one episode where Spongebob was going to die,” Death agreed, taking a canister of bubble soap and a wand out of Ran’s chest plate.

“I… I never learned how to blow a bubble,” Brycenman said sadly, hanging his head in shame as he stopped laughing for once.

“What if we show you how?” coaxed Ran. “Would you stop attacking us?”

“No, you fool!” exclaimed Matrin, waving around a cane produced from nowhere..

Brycenman smiled. “Sure! Ahahahha!”

“Noooooo!” cried out Bel in protest.

Watch carefully. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two three. Then pelvic thrust. Whooooooo, whooooooo. Yay. Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, then this, then that, then this and that, and then...” with that, Death pulled a bubble wand out of Ran’s lunchbox and blew a Butterfree-shaped bubble, which lazily floated to Brycenman and popped.

“Ahahaha!” giggled Brycenman. “Bubble!”

Death smiled and handed him the wand and a canister of bubble soap.


Matrin glared at the trio. Drawing out his violin once more, he played a furious, long tone expressing his anger.

“What is this, the Go-Rock Squad?” asked Death sarcastically.

“Such an insult had never been dared breathed!” Matrin roared as he rushed forward. Upon reaching his opponents, he struck out with the bow, leaving a rather large gash on Zub’s side.

Zub toppled over instantly, clutching his side in taking in shocked, heavy breaths and attempting to maintain consciousness.

“You sicken me!” Miror B. cried out.

“Wait, what?” asked Matrin, noticing who had cried that out on the script.

Slowly but surely, Miror B. climbed out of Matrin’s hat, much to said hat owner’s discomfort, as the hat was still on his head. Upon touching the ground, Miror B. gave everyone a big smile.

“I heard Zub got a Lotad,” he said, as if that explained everything. “I wanted to see if hed be interested in trading for my Wailmer; it’s so flabbishly un-groovy.”

Zub shrugged and they exchanged Pokéballs.

“Well, that came out of nowhere,” muttered Death.

“No,” exclaimed Ashleigh giddily. “That came out of nowhere!” She pointed to the skies, where a familiar swarm of flying spheres was steadily approaching the cliffs they were on from somewhere down south.

“Oh, poopy,” squeaked Death.

Kutie Pie
20th July 2012, 7:52 PM
Lucky you broke your writer's block... *sadly gazes at own signature*

Well, let's get started.


Chapter 21: THE SERIOUS CHAPTER

That... can't be good...


“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” said Death, who was bored as the boat was taking forever to do anything.

Ran and Zub stared at him.

Then, Ran reached over and patted his head. “That’s nice,” he said.

Death punted him off the boat.

Never fails to put a smile on my face.



“[i]Go to sleep, little N- I mean Cooooorn,
Humans are suckish but Pokémon are gooood
Pokémon have been with you since you were…. born!
And I sing to you since humans SUCK

“NO no no, this song is not propaganda,
This song is truth, not to deceive
La la la la and a panda
This song is incognito, now I leave!”

I demand sheet music.


“Whoa whoa whoa whoa,” stuttered Death. “It can’t be over yet! We’re not even past the two page minimum!”

The Author appeared on their boat. “Hmmm, yes. That’s right,” he frowned.

X3 Pfft.


“Oh yeah!” exclaimed Ran in surprise. “I forgot to give you this!”

Death greedily ripped open the small parcel Ran had given him as ub stared determinedly at the sea passing beneath the boat.

Death glared at Ran. “Shin Guards?! How insensitive!”

Ran smiled jokingly. “You described yourself as having knees, so I couldn’t resist.

Death frowned grumpily as he kicked Ran off to his watery demise… again.

XD Great callback there, that's my biggest laugh this chapter, even though I did laugh hard at another part.


Gripping two Pokéballs

I accidentally read that as “groping two Pokéballs”. Just... saying...


The Milk Cow Pokémon grinned sweetly. Putting on a innocent guise, she then began dancing around in a way that would be seductive to Pokémon. I won’t describe it for your sake, ad Zub just barely managed to look away before the process began.

Thanks, Author. I appreciate it a lot, but I still have an artist's rendition of a Miltank using Milk Drink still in my head, so a seductive Pokémon dance may or may not have pushed it out of my mind.


As the Pokéball retreated to his hand, it misturned and smacked him in the head.

XD


Before the captain even had a chance to respond, Death pushed Death off the gangplank and onto the solid earth.

Wait, Death pushed himself off o_O?


One, a tall girl, donned a sharp black dress that made her look absolutely magnificent to all but Zub, who was trying to remember how to feel attracted to someone. And I mean sharp; her dress was intricately laced, and some ends jutted out and strongly resembled blades.

The other wore a purple tuxedo with matching purple top hat, and had an overall more charming demeanor. He actually smiled and waved at the approaching trio, stopping only momentarily to adjust his bow tie and tip his had, revealing shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair.

Why was I remembered of Esmé Gigi Genevieve Squalor from Series of Unfortunate Events and Willy Wonka?


“I am the great and powerful Bel, admin of Them,” the girl introduced herself in a mighty, controlling tone.

Matrin shrugged. “I’m her companion, her yang, her jelly for her peanut butter. You may call me Matrin, Magician of Dimensions!”

Oh, okay then xD. And uh, why was Matrin's name given before he introduced himself? I don't think I remember being introduced to him.


The trio stared at them. “So…. were you guys making out, or were we interrupting nothing at all?” Death asked bluntly, causing a furious blush to appear over Bel’s face. A lighter, sillier blush appeared over Matrin’s who was grinning.

“Despite what his stupid face might suggest, we were doing nothing of that sort!” Bel denied angrily.

I lol'd. Hard.


“Oh my corpse,” gasped Death. “It’s Latios and Latias! They’ve been the center of my dreams since I was young!”

Thanks for telling us this, Death, from out of no where xD. I'm intrigued.


“No doi,” Death said, attempting in vain to roll his eye… sockets.

*squee*


“I had a talk with the masses,” grinned the Author, appearing from within a bush. “They all unanimously agree that explosions? They make everything better. Everythiiiiing,” he finished with a hiss.

YESSSSSSSSSSS


After a painful jab to Matrinm’s side, Bel continued to glare at the Author. “Why have you come here, and from where?!”

“This bush,” shrugged the Author.

“How do you even fit in it?!” she demanded, drawing both katana in a blink of an eye and pointing them towards the Author.

“This? Oh, this is just my Secret Base,” the Author said as casually as he could as Rick popped up from the bush.

“Sir! I’ve finished counting all the words in the German dictionary, just like you asked!” he exclaimed happily.

“Podoba mi się,” moaned Gemini, who continued to target its gaze onto poor Latios.

“Someone… I’m serious here, please help,” whimpered Latios.

“Do you honestly expect us to believe your secret base is in a bush?” Bel asked sternly, prepared to strike at any moment.

“Yes,” replied the Author, unwavering.

“And how, per se, did you manage to fit a whole base in there?” she said, voice positively oozing skepticism.

“Secret Power.”

“I demand that you tell me!”

“I did. It’s Secret Power!”

Infuriated, Bel ran after him to hack the Author to pieces if need be.

I love this scene. It's so stupid, but it's freakin' hilarious and genuine.


Kecleon frowned as it began wagging its arms randomly. Finally, once it stopped, it looked extremely pained before expelling a large cube from its hind quarters, which expanded enough to cover the entire battle field.

*faints laughing*


“Oh no,” groaned Matrin in despair. He quickly resumed his composure, however, and ordered an attack once more. “Double Team, let’s do it!”

Kecleon, upon hearing the urgency detected in his master’s voice, began to shuffle itself around the battlefield, making illusions of itself as it went, which were all sucked into itself at the end.

“No matter! Ranshao, use Dual Chop again, let’s finish this!”

“Magber… Magmar,” Magmar growled after correcting itself, preparing to attack the Kecleon once more. Rushing at the Pokémon, it unleashed its attack, which somehow missed by a few inches. Scratching its head in confusion, Ranshao prepared another frenzy, only to have the same result.

And again.

And again.

And again.

“Gemini,” Death sighed. “Please take a break from literally beating the dead horse and use Hypnosis on Kecleon, would you?” Gemini nodded its affirmation and launched what seemed to be golden hula hoops from its eyes in the general direction of the Kecleon, which made it fall asleep instantly.

“Oh dear,” muttered Matrin.

Ranshao, now in full confidence, launched another Dual Chop.

And missed.

“THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!” screamed Ran in exasperation. “Even by our standards!”

More genius.


“I want to kill them all,” snapped Bel. “Or we could, you know, Execute Order 67…”

“Order 67?” asked Death dubiously.

“OHDUH SISSY SE-EN?!” roared Rath in a semi-questioning tone, apparently curious as well.

Ashleigh glared at Matrin and Bel. “Fine,” she submitted, beginning the chant as the other two chimed in.

“Hero, Villain, woo woo woo!
Villain, Hero, Poo poo poo!
AIIIIIREBA!” they finished together, as a tall, muscular figure began forming in front of them.

Suddenly, before the trio materialized a man. His chest was exposed through a rift in his dark purple suit, revealing very developed biceps, though not as excruciating as Rath’s, they were good for someone who seemed to be middle-aged. He donned odd black combat boots with green highlights that went well with his dark green cape flowing behind him. His platinum-blue hair flowed in a shoulder-length tangle behind him as he began grinning with an insane tone.

“Whho are you?” asked Ran.

“I? I are BRYCENMAN!” the newcomer laughed triumphantly, brandishing an oddly crystalline sword and staff.

“What?” asked Death.

“Ahahaha!” Brycenman laughed, swinging around a sword made of ice with no any rhyme nor reason. “Ahahahaha!”

“This guy is nuts,” whispered Death.

“Even by our standards,” whispered Ran.

Zub stared stupidly at all of them.

What I would give for this to actually be animated.


Matrin glared at the trio. Drawing out his violin once more, he played a furious, long tone expressing his anger.

“What is this, the Go-Rock Squad?” asked Death sarcastically.

“Such an insult had never been dared breathed!” Matrin roared as he rushed forward. Upon reaching his opponents, he struck out with the bow, leaving a rather large gash on Zub’s side.

Zub toppled over instantly, clutching his side in taking in shocked, heavy breaths and attempting to maintain consciousness.

ZUB MY LOVE NOOOOOOOOOOOO


“You sicken me!” Miror B. cried out.

“Wait, what?” asked Matrin, noticing who had cried that out on the script.

Slowly but surely, Miror B. climbed out of Matrin’s hat, much to said hat owner’s discomfort, as the hat was still on his head. Upon touching the ground, Miror B. gave everyone a big smile.

“I heard Zub got a Lotad,” he said, as if that explained everything. “I wanted to see if hed be interested in trading for my Wailmer; it’s so flabbishly un-groovy.”

Zub shrugged and they exchanged Pokéballs.

“Well, that came out of nowhere,” muttered Death.

Yaaaay, Miror B. saved the day! *frolics with Miror B., leaving Zub behind*

But it looks like the world's screwed. Or at least Lilycove. You know, it's weird how it's a cliffhanger while they're battling on a cliff. Had someone been hanging off of the cliff, it would've been the perfect cliffhanger.

Oh well. *sits and waits patiently for next chapter*

GalladeofSpades
20th July 2012, 8:49 PM
Sorry for not reviewing the last chapter. Family issues. :/

Anyway, onto reviewing.


Chapter 21: THE SERIOUS CHAPTER

“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” said Death, who was bored as the boat was taking forever to do anything.

*claps slowly*


“Unfortunately, yes,” sighed one of the heads. “Schnitzel weighs a ton.”

I feel bad for them (him? her? I dunno). Having to carry the entire Unova region plus Schnitzel must be painful.


“[i]Go to sleep, little N- I mean Cooooorn,
Humans are suckish but Pokémon are gooood
Pokémon have been with you since you were…. born!
And I sing to you since humans SUCK

“NO no no, this song is not propaganda,
This song is truth, not to deceive
La la la la and a panda
This song is incognito, now I leave!”

I've seen worse, really.


“I was such a paragon,”

What's a paragon?


The Milk Cow Pokémon grinned sweetly. Putting on a innocent guise, she then began dancing around in a way that would be seductive to Pokémon. I won’t describe it for your sake, ad Zub just barely managed to look away before the process began.

*didn't look away in time* Well, hello~...


The Pokéball snapped shut with a subtle zthenk. This disturbed Ran.

I think you mean Zub. xD


Before the captain even had a chance to respond, Death pushed Death off the gangplank and onto the solid earth. The ship had landed on a small peninsula just southeast of Lilycove. TO their left was a winding path that lead up mountainous cliffs to the city. On their right were more cliffs. Directly in front of them was the rest of the sandlot they were on, which had a small path to the other cliffs.

How did Death push himself of the gangplank? Unless... IT'S DEATH'S TWIN BROTHER DEATH *LE GASP*


One, a tall girl, donned a sharp black dress that made her look absolutely magnificent to all but Zub, who was trying to remember how to feel attracted to someone. And I mean sharp; her dress was intricately laced, and some ends jutted out and strongly resembled blades.

The other wore a purple tuxedo with matching purple top hat, and had an overall more charming demeanor. He actually smiled and waved at the approaching trio, stopping only momentarily to adjust his bow tie and tip his had, revealing shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair.


... I'm liking them already.


“I am the great and powerful Bel, admin of Them,” the girl introduced herself in a mighty, controlling tone.


And after millions of chapters, They come back into the picture!


Matrin shrugged. “I’m her companion, her yang, her jelly for her peanut butter. You may call me Matrin, Magician of Dimensions!”

OH GOD IS MATRIN AN EXPY OF DIMENTIO?! 8D


The trio stared at them. “So…. were you guys making out, or were we interrupting nothing at all?” Death asked bluntly, causing a furious blush to appear over Bel’s face. A lighter, sillier blush appeared over Matrin’s who was grinning.

“Despite what his stupid face might suggest, we were doing nothing of that sort!” Bel denied angrily.

Oh crap.

MatrinxBel shippers: THEMADMINSHPPING IS CANON WOOO
MatrinxCello shippers: LIEZ. MUSICSHIPPING 4EVA.

*both sides proceed to Ship-To-Ship Combat. With actual ships.*


“Destroy them all, Latios!” Bel yelled ferociously, drawing a katana from a previously unseen holster on her waist and pointing it skyward, where a white, if not a really light tone of grey with blue armour was spawned from a shimmer of red light.

Likewise, Matrin begrudgingly released a very similar looking dragon, although it was wearing red armour. It was smaller and altogether had a more playful demeanor.

“Oh my corpse,” gasped Death. “It’s Latios and Latias! They’ve been the center of my dreams since I was young!”

That's going to be a very interesting story, I'm certain.


Matrin shrugged grumpily. “Oh, believe me. We did. But Bel couldn’t stand not having the bigger one so she forced me to trade.”

That's what she said. *shot*


On the other side of the makeshift arena, Latias was merrily launching a bal of illustrious mist at Ranshao, who launched a wave of dense, soupy fog as retaliation. The impact then proceeded to explode.

“Bo- Maaaar!” roared Ranshao, attempting to shrug off its injuries.

“Owwww….” moaned Latias in direct contrast.

Matrin turned and looked sharply at the collision. “Since when do mist and smog explode randomly?”

“I had a talk with the masses,” grinned the Author, appearing from within a bush. “They all unanimously agree that explosions? They make everything better. Everythiiiiing,” he finished with a hiss.


Agreed. *blows up random lady*


“Where did you come from?!” exclaimed Bel, choking on her own gloating in shock.

“I apologize,” sighed Matrin. “She’s new here.”

After a painful jab to Matrinm’s side, Bel continued to glare at the Author. “Why have you come here, and from where?!”

“This bush,” shrugged the Author.

“How do you even fit in it?!” she demanded, drawing both katana in a blink of an eye and pointing them towards the Author.

“This? Oh, this is just my Secret Base,” the Author said as casually as he could as Rick popped up from the bush.

“Sir! I’ve finished counting all the words in the German dictionary, just like you asked!” he exclaimed happily.

“Podoba mi się,” moaned Gemini, who continued to target its gaze onto poor Latios.

“Someone… I’m serious here, please help,” whimpered Latios.

“Do you honestly expect us to believe your secret base is in a bush?” Bel asked sternly, prepared to strike at any moment.

“Yes,” replied the Author, unwavering.

“And how, per se, did you manage to fit a whole base in there?” she said, voice positively oozing skepticism.

“Secret Power.”

“I demand that you tell me!”

“I did. It’s Secret Power!”

Infuriated, Bel ran after him to hack the Author to pieces if need be.


I never understood how a simple tree could hold on to numerous tables, chairs and tents without breaking. xD


Matrin shrugged. “I’m not most people,” he reinstated, as if his demeanor, occupation, and clothes would dare suggest otherwise. “Kecleon, let’s roll!”

Throwing a Quick Ball, a lizard Pokémon that was nearly as tall as Ran formed and began looking around nervously, tail furiously coiling and uncoiling. Its eyes, notably, were always looking at different things.

“A Kecleon?” guffawed Death. “Is that all? Its speed and power are lackluster at best!”

“Dude,” growled Ran. “You sound like a Smogon.”

YES BECAUSE KECKLEON IS AMAZING AND NOBODY SHOULD EVEN DARE SAY OTHERWISE. OR ELSE.


“Kecleon, use Trick Room!” declared Matrin triumphantly, ignoring Death and Ran’s comments.

Kecleon frowned as it began wagging its arms randomly. Finally, once it stopped, it looked extremely pained before expelling a large cube from its hind quarters, which expanded enough to cover the entire battle field.

“Should’ve seen it coming,” said Death, snapping his fingers in frustration. “Ran, it’s up to you as Derpy and Gemini are currently….” he cast a sidelong glance at the two, who were taking turns kicking Latios’ unconscious body. “….busy.”


That must be painful. o.o


“Gemini,” Death sighed. “Please take a break from literally beating the dead horse and use Hypnosis on Kecleon, would you?” Gemini nodded its affirmation and launched what seemed to be golden hula hoops from its eyes in the general direction of the Kecleon, which made it fall asleep instantly.

actually the Latis are racoon jet dragons.


Latios, struggling to regain consciousness, attempted everything in its arsenal. Psychic, Dragon Pulse, anything or everything. Nothing was able to shake off his opponents, however, as Bel returned and recalled him.

“Ugh. Go, Galla-“

Wait, wasn't Mean Look still in effect?

Also, GALLADE. PUT THE GALLADE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. GALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE... *starts moaning like a zombie*


“I want to kill them all,” snapped Bel. “Or we could, you know, Execute Order 67…”

“Order 67?” asked Death dubiously.

“OHDUH SISSY SE-EN?!” roared Rath in a semi-questioning tone, apparently curious as well.

Ashleigh glared at Matrin and Bel. “Fine,” she submitted, beginning the chant as the other two chimed in.

“Hero, Villain, woo woo woo!
Villain, Hero, Poo poo poo!
AIIIIIREBA!” they finished together, as a tall, muscular figure began forming in front of them.

... Oh god, Rath made me fall from the chair. xD


Suddenly, before the trio materialized a man. His chest was exposed through a rift in his dark purple suit, revealing very developed biceps, though not as excruciating as Rath’s, they were good for someone who seemed to be middle-aged. He donned odd black combat boots with green highlights that went well with his dark green cape flowing behind him. His platinum-blue hair flowed in a shoulder-length tangle behind him as he began grinning with an insane tone.

“Whho are you?” asked Ran.

“I? I are BRYCENMAN!” the newcomer laughed triumphantly, brandishing an oddly crystalline sword and staff.

“What?” asked Death.

“Ahahaha!” Brycenman laughed, swinging around a sword made of ice with no any rhyme nor reason. “Ahahahaha!”

“This guy is nuts,” whispered Death.

“Even by our standards,” whispered Ran.

Zub stared stupidly at all of them.

“What’s that look for, Hero?” laughed Brycenman. “You think you can fight ME, the GREAT! The ALMIGHTY! The HERO! The… BRYCENMAN?!” he declared as he composed himself dangerously.

Zub shrugged and began drawing pictures in the sand.

“What are we going to do?!” exclaimed Ran to Death, who had both began running away from Brycenman, who was putting forth a furious chase despite his age.

“You’re going to LOSE!” cried out their pursuer, which was of no help to anyone.

Wait, PedoBrycen is in the story? Crap. xD


“Let’s blow bubbles!” Ran said tearfully as Brycenman came unfortunately close.

“Yeah, like that one episode where Spongebob was going to die,” Death agreed, taking a canister of bubble soap and a wand out of Ran’s chest plate.

... Spongebob nearly died in an episode? Which one? Oh wait it's a joke. *FAIL*


Watch carefully. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two three. Then pelvic thrust. Whooooooo, whooooooo. Yay. Stop on your right foot, don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring-it-a-round-town. Then you do this, then this, and this, then this, then that, then this and that, and then...” with that, Death pulled a bubble wand out of Ran’s lunchbox and blew a Butterfree-shaped bubble, which lazily floated to Brycenman and popped.

“Ahahaha!” giggled Brycenman. “Bubble!”

Death smiled and handed him the wand and a canister of bubble soap.

Nooo, now he has a way of attracting little childrennn...


Matrin glared at the trio. Drawing out his violin once more, he played a furious, long tone expressing his anger.

“What is this, the Go-Rock Squad?” asked Death sarcastically.

“Such an insult had never been dared breathed!” Matrin roared as he rushed forward. Upon reaching his opponents, he struck out with the bow, leaving a rather large gash on Zub’s side.

Zub toppled over instantly, clutching his side in taking in shocked, heavy breaths and attempting to maintain consciousness.

Aw... But they're awesome... D: Unless I'm actually misinterpreting the scene and you love them as much as I do. xD

And will Zub survive? Will he die? Will Death take over as main character? Why am I asking all these questions when Zibbeh should be asking them? Find out next time, on- *shotshotshot*


“You sicken me!” Miror B. cried out.

“Wait, what?” asked Matrin, noticing who had cried that out on the script.

Slowly but surely, Miror B. climbed out of Matrin’s hat, much to said hat owner’s discomfort, as the hat was still on his head. Upon touching the ground, Miror B. gave everyone a big smile.

“I heard Zub got a Lotad,” he said, as if that explained everything. “I wanted to see if hed be interested in trading for my Wailmer; it’s so flabbishly un-groovy.”

Zub shrugged and they exchanged Pokéballs.

I was wondering why no AFRO leaguers weren't in this chapter. And dang, Matrin's hat must have a lot of space. Mind if I borrow it so I can stuff the region of Hoenn inside it, creating a paradox?


“Well, that came out of nowhere,” muttered Death.

“No,” exclaimed Ashleigh giddily. “That came out of nowhere!” She pointed to the skies, where a familiar swarm of flying spheres was steadily approaching the cliffs they were on from somewhere down south.

“Oh, poopy,” squeaked Death.

... Death's squeaks have gathered a large amount of fangirls.

Overall, great chapter as always. Love how, even though the first line of the chapter and the title contradict eachother, you created a serious story setting.

*Acheivement unlocked*

Keep on rockin'.

Z-nogyroP
20th July 2012, 10:09 PM
Chapter 21: THE SERIOUS CHAPTER

Uh oh.


“I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” said Death, who was bored as the boat was taking forever to do anything.

Ran and Zub stared at him.

Then, Ran reached over and patted his head. “That’s nice,” he said.

Death punted him off the boat.

This has to be a reference. And it's awesome.


“This is confusing,” scowled Schnitzel. “Each head needs a name, as I shall declare them!”

“But Master, why-“

“Your name is Dingle!”

“Can we just get some foo-“

“And you’re Linga!”

The other had fell asleep of boredome.

“And… loo!”

It woke up with a start. “Loo?! Why did you name me after a toilet, of all things?”

XD


“Go to sleep, little N- I mean Cooooorn,
Humans are suckish but Pokémon are gooood
Pokémon have been with you since you were…. born!
And I sing to you since humans SUCK

“NO no no, this song is not propaganda,
This song is truth, not to deceive
La la la la and a panda
This song is incognito, now I leave!”

This is better than anything Justin Bieber has ever written.


“Whoa whoa whoa whoa,” stuttered Death. “It can’t be over yet! We’re not even past the two page minimum!”

The Author appeared on their boat. “Hmmm, yes. That’s right,” he frowned.

They're correct, you know.


Zub, meanwhile, had detected some movement along the ripples in the water the ship was producing. By any rate, he figured it had most likely been a Pokémon. Zub probably had to catch it, given the utter lack of wild normal Pokémon, meaning that it was probably put there for plot reasons and someone had to catch it. Logic.

That does seem to happen, doesn't it? And what is this "logic" of which you speak?


The Pokéball snapped shut with a subtle zthenk. This disturbed Ran.

My new favourite sound effect, after "badum-tsh" and, uh, that sound a garbage disposal makes. Like, zhzhzhzhzhzhzhzhzh or something like that.


As the Pokéball retreated to his hand, it misturned and smacked him in the head.

Ooooooo...


He looked around and tried to remember where he was, but then he remembered he didn’t know how to remember that and that he didn’t remember how to remember how to remember that, so instead of remembering remembering how to remember remembering, he sat down.

LOL

Great chapter as always, Zib. I'll have to stop there because I'm going to a cousin's house.

Zibdas
21st July 2012, 4:59 AM
Lucky you broke your writer's block... *sadly gazes at own signature*
Awwww... :< Hope you get over it soon~


That... can't be good...
srsly


Never fails to put a smile on my face.
I'll be sure to let Ran know that his pain and death cheer you up.


I demand sheet music.
I am musically inept. I could make it on Mario Paint or something, but that's about as far as it goes.


XD Great callback there, that's my biggest laugh this chapter, even though I did laugh hard at another part.
Hurray!


I accidentally read that as “groping two Pokéballs”. Just... saying...
Zub: e.o


Thanks, Author. I appreciate it a lot, but I still have an artist's rendition of a Miltank using Milk Drink still in my head, so a seductive Pokémon dance may or may not have pushed it out of my mind.
Miltank.... why are you so messed up?


Wait, Death pushed himself off o_O?
Whoops, that's some typo. Ran pushed Death, silly me.


Why was I remembered of Esmé Gigi Genevieve Squalor from Series of Unfortunate Events and Willy Wonka?
The more I think about it, the more I realize how strangely true that is. In actuality, they bth came from a past fic of mine, were their clothing was similar. I really need to get Colours! 3D so I can finish the character's designs (sans Zub, Dr. Zubious, Buz, and Zubbot)


Oh, okay then xD. And uh, why was Matrin's name given before he introduced himself? I don't think I remember being introduced to him.
more typo hnnng


I lol'd. Hard.
Hurray for awkward situations!


Thanks for telling us this, Death, from out of no where xD. I'm intrigued.
It's relevant, later... maybe.


YESSSSSSSSSSS
THE MASSES HAVE SPOKEN


I love this scene. It's so stupid, but it's freakin' hilarious and genuine.
Writing little interactions like that are my favorite part of writing this.


*faints laughing*
It's not easy being Kecleon


More genius.
Even by their standards.


What I would give for this to actually be animated.
This is one of the few upsettingly few parts that would work animated.


ZUB MY LOVE NOOOOOOOOOOOO
It's non-fatal. Just... yeah can't think of any music puns sorry


Yaaaay, Miror B. saved the day! *frolics with Miror B., leaving Zub behind*
Saving the day by someone's standards counts as three hours of community service. Good job, Miror B.! The rest of you, stop slacking off.

But it looks like the world's screwed. Or at least Lilycove. You know, it's weird how it's a cliffhanger while they're battling on a cliff. Had someone been hanging off of the cliff, it would've been the perfect cliffhanger. [/QUOTE] I thought of that, just couldn't get it to work.


Sorry for not reviewing the last chapter. Family issues. :/
It's fine, no worries. Better late than never, yanno?


*claps slowly*
spoiler alert; there is hypocrisy in the first two lines of text.


I feel bad for them (him? her? I dunno). Having to carry the entire Unova region plus Schnitzel must be painful.
Two heads are male, one is female. But yeah, it's a tough life.


I've seen worse, really.
Not sure if this is a compliment or an insult. Hmmm....


What's a paragon?
Like... a good model or something.


*didn't look away in time* Well, hello~...
Derpy: ;)


I think you mean Zub. xD
I meant Ran, as the sound effects still continue to bother him.


How did Death push himself of the gangplank? Unless... IT'S DEATH'S TWIN BROTHER DEATH *LE GASP*
Or... a typo. *ANTICLIMATIC FINISH*


... I'm liking them already.
apparel means EVERYTHIIIING


And after millions of chapters, They come back into the picture!
To be quite honest I almost forgot completely about Them.


OH GOD IS MATRIN AN EXPY OF DIMENTIO?! 8D
Wh- oh, didn't realize how similar their titles were until now. Hmm.


Oh crap.

MatrinxBel shippers: THEMADMINSHPPING IS CANON WOOO
MatrinxCello shippers: LIEZ. MUSICSHIPPING 4EVA.

*both sides proceed to Ship-To-Ship Combat. With actual ships.*
And either way, I don't win. <.>


That's what she said. *shot*
GUN I'M SERIOUS HERE STOP SHOOTING MY READERS


Agreed. *blows up random lady*
Hurray for the mass' support!


I never understood how a simple tree could hold on to numerous tables, chairs and tents without breaking. xD
I was paranoid about that when I was little, so I made sure to make Secret Bases only in bushes or caves.


YES BECAUSE KECKLEON IS AMAZING AND NOBODY SHOULD EVEN DARE SAY OTHERWISE. OR ELSE.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUN


That must be painful. o.o
The unconsciousness removes some pain, at least.


actually the Latis are racoon jet dragons.
Never said what they were, I was just referencing a metaphor.


Wait, wasn't Mean Look still in effect?
No,Gemini stopped to attack more instead of just holding it down, alloting Latios an opportunity to thrash about.

Also, GALLADE. PUT THE GALLADE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. GALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE... *starts moaning like a zombie*
I wanted it in this chapter, but couldn't. SO, yeah, it's on my list.



... Oh god, Rath made me fall from the chair. xD
He's like a baby. A big muscular, destructive, mindless baby, but still a baby.


... Spongebob nearly died in an episode? Which one? Oh wait it's a joke. *FAIL*
The explosive pie one.


Aw... But they're awesome... D: Unless I'm actually misinterpreting the scene and you love them as much as I do. xD
I loved the original Ranger; Matrin did not.


And will Zub survive? Will he die? Will Death take over as main character? Why am I asking all these questions when Zibbeh should be asking them? Find out next time, on- *shotshotshot*
He has to survive, or I have to change the title. Title sounds like too much work, so...


I was wondering why no AFRO leaguers weren't in this chapter. And dang, Matrin's hat must have a lot of space. Mind if I borrow it so I can stuff the region of Hoenn inside it, creating a paradox?
He's a magician IT MAKES SENSE


Overall, great chapter as always. Love how, even though the first line of the chapter and the title contradict eachother, you created a serious story setting.
Hurray!


This has to be a reference. And it's awesome.
You know, I'm not actually sure.


They're correct, you know.
Which why there is more after all. Galidor thought he was getting a chapter all to him and his team? NOPE.


That does seem to happen, doesn't it? And what is this "logic" of which you speak?
Zub's logic.


My new favourite sound effect, after "badum-tsh" and, uh, that sound a garbage disposal makes. Like, zhzhzhzhzhzhzhzhzh or something like that.
I'm going to play with my garbage disposal just to hear that sound now



Great chapter as always, Zib. I'll have to stop there because I'm going to a cousin's house.
No worries, and thank you.

Zibdas
23rd July 2012, 10:20 PM
Remember, if you have questions, just ask
Chapter 22: Happy Explosion Day

“So then I realized the old bald guy had actually bitten me and I was all, ‘EW guy get off of me!’ and he turned out to be a radioactive Gary Oak so I got Gary Oak powers, and then-“

“Ahem.”

The woman turned around to face her director and jumped. She had not realized the camera was rolling.

As two crewmates were sent to retrieve the camera, which was now rolling rather rapidly towards the exit, a new camera was poised at the woman, who smiled charmingly.

Straightening her dress one final time, the woman smiled again and spoke. “I’m the illustrious reporter Gabby… uh… something. Today, we have received numerous reports of ‘flying balls’. We are not sure what this means, but given the universe live in, it’s probably something, or nothing at all.

“We are also informed that a ninja, a muscular baby thing, a Willy Wonka impersonator, the Grim Reaper, a mute lunatic, and Ran have been seen gathering on a cliff southeast of Lilycove. We’re pretty sure anyone who could dream up these characters together are insane.”

“Okay, who narrated that?!” shouted the Author, freezing time for a moment. “I demand to see the narrator!”

Rick lightly and politely tapped on the author’s shoulder. “Uh, sir, we don’t have one.”

The Author crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, spawning a mustache to twirl while he thought. “Rick! Hire for us a narrator!”

Suddenly Rick disappeared and reappeared shortly after, though this time accompanied by a British guy.

“Hello, I’m the narrator,” said the narrator.

“Yeah, I think we got that,” said the Author.

It’s fun to narrate.

“I know, right?” asked the narrator to the narration he was narrating excitedly.

Oh, yes, indeed.

“This is the most fun I’ve had since that angel destroyed my moon prison,” the narrator laughed.

I remember that. Ahahaha.

“Dude, you can’t talk to the narration,” said the Author. “We’re firing you.”

“Noooooooo!” screamed the narrator as he exploded.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and Eff Ecks, finished hitting the rocket with pickaxes. “There,” said Eff Ecks, clapping his hands together. “Now that were done-“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matrin grinned wickedly at the swarm of spheres flying overhead, all headed toward Lilycove… and beyond. All around him, Pokémon began appearing from them, ready to move on.

“Do we win yet?” he asked to Bel, who shrugged. As villains, winning wasn’t something anybody got used to easily.

“This isn’t good…” Death trailed off, watching as they were surrounded by ever increasing amounts of Their infantry. “What do we do?”

“Lose?” suggested Ran, preparing his chestplate in case he needed to send out Ranshao.

“That’s a bad idea,” Death said as he attempted to position his skull in a sour face. Tearing open a hole in his cloak, he unleashed Gemini once more as the cloak resealed itself.

Zub stopped blowing humming and drew out both of his Pokémon, prepared for battle.

Bel laughed evilly and then turned to address the swarm of oncoming Pokémon that were prepared to demolish our… heroes, for lack of a better term. “You! keep going towards the Industrial Wasteland! We wish to demolish these children ourselves!”

A commanding-class drone gave a short buzz that sounded like an affirmation, then turned to the others, who flew away with their Pokémon.

Bel slipped away a katana. “Prepare to meet your... what did It call it?” she stood there, furrowing her brow, racking her brain. “Dormant Opocolyptic Overseen eMancipation, I think.”

“You spelled ‘apocalyptic’ wrong,” noted Matrin.

“It was for the sake of the acronym!” yelled Bel, slugging Matrin in the stomach.

“Worth it,” he groaned in agony.

Ashleigh grinned at the sight of them. “Hey, are you two… you know, uh…”

“NO!” roared Bel defensively, quickly drawing both katana.

“…gonna finish our enemies?” Ashleigh finished with a smirk as Bel’s attention was averted back to her opponents.

Drawing an Ultra Ball, she once more glared at Rath and Ashleigh. “Don’t you two need to oversee the Wasteland and Lilycove or something?”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ashleigh muttered, making a face. “My Regice and his Regirock will be itching to destroy. Come on, Rath,” she sighed, clambering onto his back as she spoke. Suddenly, a large bird Pokémon hopped out of her back pocket in a flash of… green.

“Oh, Xatu,” she grinned. “Keep an eye on them while we’re here, okay?” Seeing Xatu’s nod, she and Rath ran off.

“Well, let’s finish this,” grunted Bel. “Go, Gallade!”

“Glaceon, let’s end this!” Matrin grinned, sending out a blue feline Pokémon with luscious, ice-cold fur.

Hurriedly, Death sent out Gemini, Ran with Ranshao, and Zub ended up choosing Tango.

“Leaf Blade, Gallade!” Bel yelled, unintentionally unceremoniously rhyming.

“Glaceon, execute a Barrier!”

“Ranshao, use a Dual Chop and chop through those defenses!” Ran called, as Gemini leapt forward to use Shadow Claw. Thick, vine-y tendrils grew out of Gallade’s wristblades, which it then used to slice at Gemini, preventing it from attacking. As Ranshao prepared to chop the preoccupied Gallade, Glaceon shot out a thick wall of concrete, impeding its path.

“Well, this is going well,” remarked Matrin happily. “Glaceon, Charm, go!”

“And Gallade, finish them with a Psycho Cut,” Bel grinned.

Suddenly Xatu’s eyes shot open and it began freaking out.

“Xa xa xaaaaatuuuuu!” it screamed, which made all people and Pokémon stare at it.

“Xa xa xa, tut u tu!” it screamed, flapping its wings wildly before running away.

“That was certainly something,” remarked Matrin. “It’s not like a rocket or anything is going to fall on us, right? And then explode? Ahahaha.”

A rocket fell on them.

Oh, and it exploded.

“What irony,” came the muffled voice of Matrin, who was forced several feet into the ground by the impact.

As the AFRO Leaguers jumped off their rocket, they began pulling Zub, Death, Miror B., and Ran out of the ground and straightening them out. “Note to self,” noted Eff Ecks. “Learn to fly the rocket before piloting it.”

The group began running towards Lilycove.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What? How did we get to Lilycove before Zub?” Galidor asked, furrowing his brow. “I mean, we were walking from way over at Fortree, and now… I’m confused.”

“This is worse than the time you at all those Fauxmatoes,” giggled Dogars.

“Fauxmatoes?” asked Corn.

“Don’t ask,” Galidor grumbled.

“No, seriously, what are Fauxmatoes?”

Galidor chose to ignore the question. “So, what now? Wait for Zub?”

Dogars giggled. So, N, there were these tomatoes, and then-“

“I said shut up!” roared Galidor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How did we get to Lilycove so fast?” asked Death in bewilderment.

“Shhh,” shushed Gary Stu. “Anyway, by the looks of things, Lilycove is under major attack. The AFRO League can handle that. I’m guessing that they’re attacking here, to gain control of the Industrial Wasteland just a walk west from here. You can’t miss it.”

“Is that a challenge?” grinned Death.

Miror B. shrugged and pointed off in the distance. Off where supposedly a prestigious Safari Zone was once located now stood what seemed to be a towering fortress of junk. Livid green liquid could be seen from even here, spouting from several unusual sources.

Death closed his eye…. sockets…. somehow and shook his head, arms folding. “I don’t believe it, and therefore, you owe me thirty bucks.”

“We never agreed to that,” pointed out Eff Ecks.

“Dag nabbit,” Death grunted, snapping his fingers in frustration.

The trio formed together once more and headed in the direction indicated by the indicator of indicated directions, being AFRO.

“Well, this is boring,” sighed Ran as they walked along the nondescript dirt path.

“If only we could explode our way there,” Death muttered.

Because, you know, explosions are kewlz.

Ran seemed to have an epiphany in answer to this. “Would you like a large or a small crater?”

“What?”

“Would you like a laaarge,” Ran stopped to spread his arms far apart, “or a small crater?” he held two fingers apart, though barely.

“I’ll go large,” said Death thoughtfully.

Ran nodded and his left arm transformed into a large, grey cannon. Grabbing Death’s arm, or lack thereof, as well as Zub’s, he pointed the cannon at the ground. “COSSACK BLASTER!” Ran yelled, launching a pellet comparable to the sun, which exploded.

As the trio skyrocketed towards the Wasteland, even the Author had to admit this was an extremely contrived plot progression ticket.

After a short flying sequence, they arrived in a courtyard-like area of the Wasteland and their jaws gaped.

Some kind of vile green liquid oozed from many different cracks in the junk walls or floors, creating more of a archipelago of wayward junk to stand on within a myriad of deadly gunk than a normal courtyard. However, that wasn’t all that was so surprising;

It seemed to have been converted to be some sort of factory made specifically for creating spheres.

Specifically, spheres that no one liked.

“Aw man, it’s like a giant factory just for creating Their drones” exclaimed Death.

Affirmative, clicked a mechanical, yet somehow cold voice.
AHAHAAHAHAHAH

It’s Regice, by the way. Now the pun will make more sense.

Abomination detected its internal systems clicked. It then pointed its arms at the trio In a way that would probably get its sprite edited for the third version.

Then it shot out a blast of ice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Seriously, when are we going to meet them?” growled Galidor, who was impatient at having to wait and stop Corn from learning that one story.

“Is it safe to assume we won’t meet them after all?” asked Dogars, still enjoying his master’s loathing.

They looked around. They had snuck into the highest point of the Industrial Park, the lookout tower, and knew Zub would be here. Eventually.

Then the wall beneath them exploded.

“Happy Explosion Day,” Rick Shaw grinned, tipping his fedora.

Galidor collided with a lever as a result of the catastrophic explosion that rocked the entire building. The floor opened up and swallowed him down, where he ended up in the same room as Zub and co, which overlooked a lake that was blocked from access to the ocean by a large dam. They all seemed to be in a dungeon.

“Huh,” he noted. “What are the odds of that trapdoor leading me here?”

Death palmed his face. “Explosion Day was today?! I completely forgot!”

“How do we get out of here?” moaned Ran. “I’m hungry.”

“We could try the redneck way,” Rick shrugged.

“How do we do that?” Corn asked.

A horse appeared, and Rick got on it. The horse then somehow leaped out of the ruined tower.

“I don’t know about you,” Rick grinned. “But I have a hundred Electrode and I want to make stuff explode. And since this is Their factory, it works. See ya!”

Galidor watched him go. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he muttered quietly.

“What is it?” asked Ran.

“I FLIPPIN’ HATE YOUR GUTS!” ROARED Galidor as he punched Zub painfully square in the jaw.

“Can’t we settle this peacefully?” moaned Ran.

“Define…. ‘Peacefull,’” Galidor said calmly.

“The act of brutally destroying everyone for desperate need of your crisps?” Dogars suggested.

“PETA?” asked Corn.

“No!” cried out Ran in desperation. “It’s the exact opposite of those… especially PETA,” he added with a disapproving glance in Corn’s direction. “Who are you, anyway? Zub has shown me pictures to get acquainted with Galidor and the flying wheezeball, but you’re new.”

“I’m Corn,” Corn redundantly said. “Oh, and my name is Corn, too.”

“Well, I’ll cream you!” yelled Death.

“We’ve already made that pun,” frowned Corn.

“Dag nabbit,” cursed Death.

“Can we just kill them yet?” the exasperated Galidor called.

“No,” called Ran back.

“And you’re one to order me around, because…?”

“Because if I die I instantly regenerate.”

“Handy.”

“Very.”

Zub randomly sent out Wombo the Wailmer. Why? HE’S ZUB HE AIN’T NEED NO REASON

Suddenly everyone felt very space conscious, having to press against the walls. This was due to Wombo’s large size, even in comparison to other Wailmer.

“I really need more Pokémon,” grumbled Death. “Poor Gemini is really quite pooped.”

“Same with Ranshao,” Ran frowned.

“I guess I could rely on more than Dogars, since I left my others back home…” Galidor mused.

Corn shrugged. “An alternative to Zoroark would be nice.”

“So it’s settled!” Ran declared suddenly. “We don’t kill each other until we all have new Pokémon. Deal?”

“Fine by me,” Galidor reluctantly sighed.

“Or…” Death grinned evilly. “I could be someone’s Pokémon.”

“How would that be accomplished by someone of your stature?” asked Dogars.

Suddenly, Death’s Pikachu costume appeared in his arms. He quickly put it on, grinning in the process. “Pika,” he said simply.

Galidor, also smiling though for a completely different reason, reached towards Death’s suit’s zipper, gave it a sharp turn, and snapped it off in one move.

“I’m going to kill you,” growled Death, attempting to slap Gaidor. Once he did, however, he realized the suit’s furry padding impeded his death curse.

“So,” Ran started, ignoring Galidor and Death’s scuffle. “How shall we progress out of this tower?”

Zub happily clambered onto Wombo and gestured for the others to get on as well. Wombo giggled and put up a little struggle as though he were being tickled, but overall seemed okay with it.

Zub grinned stupidly. Wombo grinned stupidly. Ran looked around as the tower began flooding with water.

“So… you’re trying to drown us?” asked Galidor. “Not the most effective route for saving us.”

Death grinned. “Hey, on the bright side, you all could join me!” he grinned. “We’ll be the... the Ray-Team! ‘Cuz I’ll give us all laser super powers upon dying!”

“I want the explodey vision!” called out Galidor.

Dogars sniffed. “I have dibs on Tea-and-Biscuit Ray.”

Ran smiled. “I want Communism Beams!”

Zub sighed and pointed down. Everyone realized they weren’t rowning, but rather, Wailmer had floated on the increasing water, bring them almost as high as the wall itself. They could easily climb out onto the dock below.

“I was so looking forward to dying… kinda,” sighed Galidor.

Death made a rude gesture. “You could if I weren’t wearing this ridiculous costume.”

They looked around where they landed. It was on a bluff, far above the secluded section of ocean. There was a rickety, well-worn staircase leading down to an old dock. The air around it was inexplicably stormy.

“Now what?” asked Death. “What do we do now?”

Down below them, they heard a metal clatter, and part of the rock’s surface slid open, to which two individuals walked out and onto the dock.

“So then I told Justy, ‘No, I’m not going there in this dress! It’s mint green for a reason!’ and he was soooo sweet, he just accepted it, and-“ Rath interrupted Ashleigh’s rant by politely taping on her shoulder (almost sending her through the dock in the process) and pointed towards the top of the hillside.

“Ohmaigwash, it’s… those guys again!” she exclaimed in genuine surprise. She leaned over to Rath. “I’m serious; what were their names again?”

Rath shrugged. “RUB, DERTH AND… COMMUNISM,” he guessed.

“Close!” called down Death. “But still no cigar!”

Rath sat down and took out a pair of reading glasses and a pamphlet. “Each year, approximately 419,000 people die in this country from causes related to smoking cigarettes, cigars or pipes, or using smokeless or “spit” tobacco. In fact, more people die each year from tobacco-related causes than from alcohol and other drug use, murders, suicides, drownings, car crashes, fires and AIDS combined. Even nonsmokers are at risk, as constant exposure to secondhand smoke accounts for more than 50,000 deaths each year and-“ he read before he was interrupted by Ashleigh.

“That’s nice,” she cut in. “But we really need to destroy these guys. Rath, you and your Regirock, destroy!”

Rath nodded in confirmation. “SMASH DEATHACHU’S PUNY FACE!” he bellowed primitively, and haphazardly threw a Pokéball in the opposite direction before beginning to chase Death.

Ashleigh shrugged and took charge of his Regirock. “Go, Lopunny! Regirock, use Stone Edge! Lopunny, Strength, now!”

A large, feminine-looking rabbit Pokémon appeared in a ray of red light, gave a wink to Zub, and launched itself at them. Meanwhile, the rock golem Regirock had smashed its own hand and was now firing the shards and rubble at our heroes like it was using a machine gun.

Zub recovered over his initial panic over the assault of rabbit punches and golem hand pieces and sent out Wombo. He gave a short indication with his hands, which the Wailmer understood immediately as it threw itself at Lopunny, absorbing most of its attacks and still hurting it quite bountifully.

“That was Wailmer’s Heavy Slam,” gaped Ran. “Looks like it worked, too!”

“Zoroark, please assist me!” yelled Corn as he too threw a Pokéball into the air. The mischievous bipedal black fox appeared instantly, readjusting its air’s ponytail before snarling. “Use Focus Blast on that Regirock!”

Zoroark leapt up into the air and barked viciously as it formed a large brown sphere above its head. As soon as it reached the highest point in its jump, it thrust the sphere down onto Regirock’s head. The rock golem stumbled quite a bit and struggled to remain standing before regaining its composure.

“No!” screamed Ashleigh, realizing the tides were quickly turning. “Regirock, use Hammer Arm on that abominable fox! Lopunny, ThunderPunch, now! Murder that beach ball!”

Lopunny chirped a merry confirmation as it coated its arm in a thick, hazardous stream of lightning. Regirock said nothing but rather leapt up into the air, met Zoroark there, and slammed its arms into the fox Pokémon’s black hide, smashing it into the ground.

After checking to see how well Regirock had done, Ashleigh moved to see how Lopunny was doing until she realized that the Pokémon was treating a severely burned arm.

“You fool! Ignore the pain and hit the Pokémon, channel the electricity into the whale!” Ashleigh commanded. Lopunny tried once more, this time making unfortunate contact. “Excellent! Now do it again! You too, Regirock!” applauded Ashleigh.

“No, Zoroark!” Corn cried out in a pained voice. “Dig and escape!”

As soon as Regirock got near enough to Zoroark, eh slammed down his fists. However, Zoroark began digging immediately and managed to escape before shooting out of the ground behind Regirock and attacking it for massive damage.

Wombo had meanwhile begun an Ice Beam attack and fired it as soon as Lopunny’s electrified fist drew near. This froze Lopunny, preventing any notion of escape, and containing the electricity inside the ice. Lopunny’s face changed to a state of panic as the electricity began taking its toll for not being transferred immediately.

“No!” screamed Ashleigh in protest as Lopunny’s own power knocked it out. Meanwhile, Regirock was faring no better with dealing with Zoroark, who was now continually using Dig to its advantage. “This cannot be happening!” she said through gritted teeth.

“I wish it wasn’t!” groaned Death, who was still being viciously chased by Rath.

“Shut up,” Ashleigh snapped. “You deserve it.”

Zub took hold of Ran’s arm and pointed upward. Seeing what it was immediately, the two forced everyone down onto the docks. Although at first questioning the command, the rest soon hurried onto the wooden platforms. Doing a headcount, Ran realized everyone but one was present.

“Hey guys, what’s wrong?” Galidor asked from the cliffside, which then exploded with the force of twenty max-leveled, overpowered, highly volatile Electrode. Rick followed soon after from a parachute, expertly landing on the docks.

“Happy Explosion Day, Gorgeous,” he smiled with a tip of his hat to Ashleigh.

“You just blew up… our friend? no… that guy!” protested Ran.

“It’s okay, I’m okay!” shouted Galidor from the now utterly ruined bluff.

“How are you alive?!” asked Ran, incredulous. Galidor grinned.

“I have one of those instant teleport things like you,” he said.

Dogars floated over to him. “Actually, uh, no you don’t.”

Galidor frowned. “Really? That information would have been nice to know beforehand.”

As the eight accumulated persons continued as such in banter, a hand reached out of the churning water and grabbed hold of the dock.

Z-nogyroP
23rd July 2012, 11:02 PM
Chapter 22: Happy Explosion Day[/center]

Well, this should be interesting.


“So then I realized the old bald guy had actually bitten me and I was all, ‘EW guy get off of me!’ and he turned out to be a radioactive Gary Oak so I got Gary Oak powers, and then-“

“Ahem.”

The woman turned around to face her director and jumped. She had not realized the camera was rolling.

Cue duck sound, like "wah wah waaaaaaah."


“We are also informed that a ninja, a muscular baby thing, a Willy Wonka impersonator, the Grim Reaper, a mute lunatic, and Ran have been seen gathering on a cliff southeast of Lilycove. We’re pretty sure anyone who could dream up these characters together are insane.”

YES YES YES YES YES

That Ran line was hilarious. And am I the only one who cares about Ran's wellbeing?!


“Okay, who narrated that?!” shouted the Author, freezing time for a moment. “I demand to see the narrator!”

Rick lightly and politely tapped on the author’s shoulder. “Uh, sir, we don’t have one.”

The Author crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, spawning a mustache to twirl while he thought. “Rick! Hire for us a narrator!”

Suddenly Rick disappeared and reappeared shortly after, though this time accompanied by a British guy.

“Hello, I’m the narrator,” said the narrator.

“Yeah, I think we got that,” said the Author.

It’s fun to narrate.

“I know, right?” asked the narrator to the narration he was narrating excitedly.

Oh, yes, indeed.

“This is the most fun I’ve had since that angel destroyed my moon prison,” the narrator laughed.

I remember that. Ahahaha.

“Dude, you can’t talk to the narration,” said the Author. “We’re firing you.”

“Noooooooo!” screamed the narrator as he exploded.

Yay for exploding narrators!


Bel slipped away a katana. “Prepare to meet your... what did It call it?” she stood there, furrowing her brow, racking her brain. “Dormant Opocolyptic Overseen eMancipation, I think.”

“You spelled ‘apocalyptic’ wrong,” noted Matrin.

“It was for the sake of the acronym!” yelled Bel, slugging Matrin in the stomach.

“Worth it,” he groaned in agony.

I fell out of my chair while reading this. Luckily, my injuries were minor.


“Oh, Xatu,” she grinned. “Keep an eye on them while we’re here, okay?” Seeing Xatu’s nod, she and Rath ran off.

NOOO WHY MUST TEH CLEARLY SUPERIOR MAGIC BOUNCER AND GENERALLY AWESOMAZING BIRD WITH WEIRD EYES BELONG TO A BAD GUY


“Leaf Blade, Gallade!” Bel yelled, unintentionally unceremoniously rhyming.

Poison Sting, Nidoking!
Flash Cannon, Bastiodon!
Bullet Seed, Cheru- *shot*


“That was certainly something,” remarked Matrin. “It’s not like a rocket or anything is going to fall on us, right? And then explode? Ahahaha.”

A rocket fell on them.

Oh, and it exploded.

*gasp*


Miror B. shrugged and pointed off in the distance. Off where supposedly a prestigious Safari Zone was once located now stood what seemed to be a towering fortress of junk. Livid green liquid could be seen from even here, spouting from several unusual sources.

Death closed his eye…. sockets…. somehow and shook his head, arms folding. “I don’t believe it, and therefore, you owe me thirty bucks.”

“We never agreed to that,” pointed out Eff Ecks.

“Dag nabbit,” Death grunted, snapping his fingers in frustration.

Thank you for making my day 78.2826381083% better.


Abomination detected its internal systems clicked. It then pointed its arms at the trio In a way that would probably get its sprite edited for the third version.

http://www.google.ca/imgres?num=10&hl=en&biw=1440&bih=772&tbm=isch&tbnid=EjXDYcFMWOJJ-M:&imgrefurl=http://www.polyvore.com/spongebob_face_see_what_you/thing%3Fid%3D31489685&docid=cml7HNFawxIaPM&imgurl=http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing%253F.out%253Djpg%2526size%253Dl%2526tid%253D 31489685&w=300&h=300&ei=MroNUJuJEYbe0gGCo_ztAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=609&vpy=220&dur=1579&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=117&ty=129&sig=101459355806787838658&page=2&tbnh=141&tbnw=141&start=29&ndsp=38&ved=1t:429,r:25,s:29,i:244


Zub randomly sent out Wombo the Wailmer. Why? HE’S ZUB HE AIN’T NEED NO REASON

No. No he doesn't.


“So… you’re trying to drown us?” asked Galidor. “Not the most effective route for saving us.”

Death grinned. “Hey, on the bright side, you all could join me!” he grinned. “We’ll be the... the Ray-Team! ‘Cuz I’ll give us all laser super powers upon dying!”

“I want the explodey vision!” called out Galidor.

Dogars sniffed. “I have dibs on Tea-and-Biscuit Ray.”

Ran smiled. “I want Communism Beams!”

Zub sighed and pointed down. Everyone realized they weren’t rowning, but rather, Wailmer had floated on the increasing water, bring them almost as high as the wall itself. They could easily climb out onto the dock below.

“I was so looking forward to dying… kinda,” sighed Galidor.

XD


“Ohmaigwash, it’s… those guys again!” she exclaimed in genuine surprise. She leaned over to Rath. “I’m serious; what were their names again?”

Rath shrugged. “RUB, DERTH AND… COMMUNISM,” he guessed.

Hilarity.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are awesome. And I have a question, where did Rath come from? I can't remember. (Oh, and that's a thing to elaborate in a chapter, if you haven't already done so.)

Kutie Pie
23rd July 2012, 11:39 PM
Checked at random and found the update. So yay!




Chapter 22: Happy Explosion Day

Sounds like so much fun.


“So then I realized the old bald guy had actually bitten me and I was all, ‘EW guy get off of me!’ and he turned out to be a radioactive Gary Oak so I got Gary Oak powers, and then-“

Uh... okay... xD?


“Okay, who narrated that?!” shouted the Author, freezing time for a moment. “I demand to see the narrator!”

Rick lightly and politely tapped on the author’s shoulder. “Uh, sir, we don’t have one.”

The Author crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, spawning a mustache to twirl while he thought. “Rick! Hire for us a narrator!”

Suddenly Rick disappeared and reappeared shortly after, though this time accompanied by a British guy.

“Hello, I’m the narrator,” said the narrator.

“Yeah, I think we got that,” said the Author.

It’s fun to narrate.

“I know, right?” asked the narrator to the narration he was narrating excitedly.

Oh, yes, indeed.

“This is the most fun I’ve had since that angel destroyed my moon prison,” the narrator laughed.

I remember that. Ahahaha.

“Dude, you can’t talk to the narration,” said the Author. “We’re firing you.”

“Noooooooo!” screamed the narrator as he exploded.

That was great, man. Though I swear there was a previous chapter that had a narrator narrating (wasn't Death), though.


Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and Eff Ecks, finished hitting the rocket with pickaxes. “There,” said Eff Ecks, clapping his hands together. “Now that were done-“

The moment I read "pickaxes", I immediately thought back to the mine scene in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs...


“Do we win yet?” he asked to Bel, who shrugged. As villains, winning wasn’t something anybody got used to easily.

XD Nice lampshading there.


Bel slipped away a katana. “Prepare to meet your... what did It call it?” she stood there, furrowing her brow, racking her brain. “Dormant Opocolyptic Overseen eMancipation, I think.”

“You spelled ‘apocalyptic’ wrong,” noted Matrin.

“It was for the sake of the acronym!” yelled Bel, slugging Matrin in the stomach.

“Worth it,” he groaned in agony.

XD Fun with acronyms.


Suddenly Xatu’s eyes shot open and it began freaking out.

“Xa xa xaaaaatuuuuu!” it screamed, which made all people and Pokémon stare at it.

“Xa xa xa, tut u tu!” it screamed, flapping its wings wildly before running away.

“That was certainly something,” remarked Matrin. “It’s not like a rocket or anything is going to fall on us, right? And then explode? Ahahaha.”

A rocket fell on them.

Oh, and it exploded.

Xatu's translation: "Things are coming" repeated.

*gonna be the only one who knows that reference and is ashamed*


As the AFRO Leaguers jumped off their rocket, they began pulling Zub, Death, Miror B., and Ran out of the ground and straightening them out. “Note to self,” noted Eff Ecks. “Learn to fly the rocket before piloting it.”

Then once they learn to fly a rocket at the cost of many innocent lives, they'll make a manual on how to pilot the rocket for future aspiring pilots, and safety classes will be created.


“What? How did we get to Lilycove before Zub?” Galidor asked, furrowing his brow. “I mean, we were walking from way over at Fortree, and now… I’m confused.”

“This is worse than the time you at all those Fauxmatoes,” giggled Dogars.

“Fauxmatoes?” asked Corn.

“Don’t ask,” Galidor grumbled.

“No, seriously, what are Fauxmatoes?”

Galidor chose to ignore the question. “So, what now? Wait for Zub?”

Dogars giggled. So, N, there were these tomatoes, and then-“

“I said shut up!” roared Galidor.

I'm curious. Please, go on, Dogars.


The trio formed together once more and headed in the direction indicated by the indicator of indicated directions, being AFRO.

“Well, this is boring,” sighed Ran as they walked along the nondescript dirt path.

“If only we could explode our way there,” Death muttered.

Because, you know, explosions are kewlz.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTyjNkPlcHlWXIGgCgeI3lkfTEEoNwJS qEJPNMOD-pMeehZFOqnNw1qcNX2gg


Some kind of vile green liquid oozed from many different cracks in the junk walls or floors

TGRI? Is that you?


Abomination detected its internal systems clicked. It then pointed its arms at the trio In a way that would probably get its sprite edited for the third version.

Pfffffft X3.


They looked around. They had snuck into the highest point of the Industrial Park, the lookout tower, and knew Zub would be here. Eventually.

Then the wall beneath them exploded.

“Happy Explosion Day,” Rick Shaw grinned, tipping his fedora.

I keep getting "Happy Leif Ericson Day" and "Happy Winds Day" in my head. Is that normal?


Galidor collided with a lever as a result of the catastrophic explosion that rocked the entire building. The floor opened up and swallowed him down, where he ended up in the same room as Zub and co, which overlooked a lake that was blocked from access to the ocean by a large dam. They all seemed to be in a dungeon.

“Huh,” he noted. “What are the odds of that trapdoor leading me here?”

*hugs your legs* LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE--I LOVE THAT MOVIE!--LOVELOVELOVELOVE


“How do we get out of here?” moaned Ran. “I’m hungry.”

“We could try the redneck way,” Rick shrugged.

“How do we do that?” Corn asked.

A horse appeared, and Rick got on it. The horse then somehow leaped out of the ruined tower.

I thought the redneck way was duct tape. It fixes everything.


“Can’t we settle this peacefully?” moaned Ran.

“Define…. ‘Peacefull,’” Galidor said calmly.

“The act of brutally destroying everyone for desperate need of your crisps?” Dogars suggested.

“PETA?” asked Corn.

“No!” cried out Ran in desperation. “It’s the exact opposite of those… especially PETA,” he added with a disapproving glance in Corn’s direction.

Refer back to the brofist picture.


Zub randomly sent out Wombo the Wailmer. Why? HE’S ZUB HE AIN’T NEED NO REASON

Wait, where did Wombo come from? (And shouldn't it be "Wumbo"?)


“So it’s settled!” Ran declared suddenly. “We don’t kill each other until we all have new Pokémon. Deal?”

“Fine by me,” Galidor reluctantly sighed.

“Or…” Death grinned evilly. “I could be someone’s Pokémon.”

“How would that be accomplished by someone of your stature?” asked Dogars.

Suddenly, Death’s Pikachu costume appeared in his arms. He quickly put it on, grinning in the process. “Pika,” he said simply.

Great callback there (b' ')b.


Galidor, also smiling though for a completely different reason, reached towards Death’s suit’s zipper, gave it a sharp turn, and snapped it off in one move.

“I’m going to kill you,” growled Death, attempting to slap Gaidor. Once he did, however, he realized the suit’s furry padding impeded his death curse.

*faints from laughter*


“Ohmaigwash, it’s… those guys again!” she exclaimed in genuine surprise. She leaned over to Rath. “I’m serious; what were their names again?”

Rath shrugged. “RUB, DERTH AND… COMMUNISM,” he guessed.

“Close!” called down Death. “But still no cigar!”

Rath sat down and took out a pair of reading glasses and a pamphlet. “Each year, approximately 419,000 people die in this country from causes related to smoking cigarettes, cigars or pipes, or using smokeless or “spit” tobacco. In fact, more people die each year from tobacco-related causes than from alcohol and other drug use, murders, suicides, drownings, car crashes, fires and AIDS combined. Even nonsmokers are at risk, as constant exposure to secondhand smoke accounts for more than 50,000 deaths each year and-“ he read before he was interrupted by Ashleigh.

Rath is literate o_o? Did not see that coming.


“Hey guys, what’s wrong?” Galidor asked from the cliffside, which then exploded with the force of twenty max-leveled, overpowered, highly volatile Electrode. Rick followed soon after from a parachute, expertly landing on the docks.

“Happy Explosion Day, Gorgeous,” he smiled with a tip of his hat to Ashleigh.

“You just blew up… our friend? no… that guy!” protested Ran.

“It’s okay, I’m okay!” shouted Galidor from the now utterly ruined bluff.

“How are you alive?!” asked Ran, incredulous. Galidor grinned.

“I have one of those instant teleport things like you,” he said.

Dogars floated over to him. “Actually, uh, no you don’t.”

Galidor frowned. “Really? That information would have been nice to know beforehand.”

So... guess this counts as Achievements in Ignorance. Nice.


As the eight accumulated persons continued as such in banter, a hand reached out of the churning water and grabbed hold of the dock.

*DUN DUN DUN*

Great job this time around. Keep it up, the giggles are always welcome.

Z-nogyroP
24th July 2012, 6:36 PM
Wait, where did Wombo come from? (And shouldn't it be "Wumbo"?)

If you recall the previous chapter, Zub captured a Lotad, who he traded to Miror. B. for Wombo.

EDIT: Yes, I got the 100th post!

Zibdas
24th July 2012, 7:41 PM
Cue duck sound, like "wah wah waaaaaaah."
I did not know that ducks made that sound. I'll have to go back to Kindergarten. :'c


YES YES YES YES YES

That Ran line was hilarious. And am I the only one who cares about Ran's wellbeing?!
Apparently. Given how often he dies and then regenerates, I doubt it's much of a priority.



Yay for exploding narrators!
What else are they good for? Narrating you say? Well, apparently not!


I fell out of my chair while reading this. Luckily, my injuries were minor.
I will send carnations to the hospital.



NOOO WHY MUST TEH CLEARLY SUPERIOR MAGIC BOUNCER AND GENERALLY AWESOMAZING BIRD WITH WEIRD EYES BELONG TO A BAD GUY
On the bright side, the villains are mostly bad at being bad, so there's still hope yet.


Poison Sting, Nidoking!
Flash Cannon, Bastiodon!
Bullet Seed, Cheru- *shot*
gun srsly stop
Gun: T-T


Thank you for making my day 78.2826381083% better.
It was my pleasure.


http://www.google.ca/imgres?num=10&hl=en&biw=1440&bih=772&tbm=isch&tbnid=EjXDYcFMWOJJ-M:&imgrefurl=http://www.polyvore.com/spongebob_face_see_what_you/thing%3Fid%3D31489685&docid=cml7HNFawxIaPM&imgurl=http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing%253F.out%253Djpg%2526size%253Dl%2526tid%253D 31489685&w=300&h=300&ei=MroNUJuJEYbe0gGCo_ztAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=609&vpy=220&dur=1579&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=117&ty=129&sig=101459355806787838658&page=2&tbnh=141&tbnw=141&start=29&ndsp=38&ved=1t:429,r:25,s:29,i:244
Teehee.


No. No he doesn't.
Zub, good news! You don't need a reason!


Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are awesome. And I have a question, where did Rath come from? I can't remember. (Oh, and that's a thing to elaborate in a chapter, if you haven't already done so.)
I'll see what I can do.


Checked at random and found the update. So yay!
Did your PM not go through? :T


Sounds like so much fun.
'Tis my favorite holiday.


That was great, man. Though I swear there was a previous chapter that had a narrator narrating (wasn't Death), though.
Maybe Eff Ecks? I'm not sure. There isn't a formal one and most of the time the Author just wings it, often giving pretty poor descriptions.


The moment I read "pickaxes", I immediately thought back to the mine scene in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs...
Hi ho?


XD Fun with acronyms.
Poor grammar justifies nothing, but acronyms ARE LAW


Xatu's translation: "Things are coming" repeated.

*gonna be the only one who knows that reference and is ashamed*
There, there. *pats your back*


Then once they learn to fly a rocket at the cost of many innocent lives, they'll make a manual on how to pilot the rocket for future aspiring pilots, and safety classes will be created.
And thus, a new life has been created at the expense of many others.


I'm curious. Please, go on, Dogars.
Galidor: NO NO NO NO NO NO
GALIDOR GET OUT OF MY POST TOO


http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTyjNkPlcHlWXIGgCgeI3lkfTEEoNwJS qEJPNMOD-pMeehZFOqnNw1qcNX2gg
Hehehehe.


TGRI? Is that you?
I can't answer this question without the New Hoenn Suspicious Liquid Defibrillators finding out, so...


I keep getting "Happy Leif Ericson Day" and "Happy Winds Day" in my head. Is that normal?
Depends. Is your blood made out of gasoline?
If yes) Go see a doctor. It is likely you are a car.
If no) Yes, it is normal.


*hugs your legs* LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE--I LOVE THAT MOVIE!--LOVELOVELOVELOVE
If you'll notice, I also referenced it with Galidor.


I thought the redneck way was duct tape. It fixes everything.
If it works and is modern, it ain't redneck.


Refer back to the brofist picture.
*refers back*


Great callback there (b' ')b.
Deathachu isn't dead yet.. yet.


Rath is literate o_o? Did not see that coming.
Only with his reading glasses. Without them, he's a mindless destructive force.


So... guess this counts as Achievements in Ignorance. Nice.
Hurra!


Great job this time around. Keep it up, the giggles are always welcome.
It was my pleasure.


If you recall the previous chapter, Zub captured a Lotad, who he traded to Miror. B. for Wombo.
Yup, an-


EDIT: Yes, I got the 100th post!
NOOOOOOOOOO
THE WHOLE REASON I HELD OFF RESPONDING TO YOU PEOPLE WAS SO I COULD GET IT
I THOUGHT THE REPLIES WAS LIST OF POSTS
NOOOOOOOOOO
You win this round *squinty face*

Kutie Pie
24th July 2012, 8:05 PM
Did your PM not go through? :T

No, it went through. I just checked randomly offline.


'Tis my favorite holiday.

Once it goes national, it'll be everyone's favorite holiday.


Maybe Eff Ecks? I'm not sure. There isn't a formal one and most of the time the Author just wings it, often giving pretty poor descriptions.

Possible. Though is Eff Ecks ever narrates, it'd be full of sound effects.


Hi ho?

Heigh-ho, it's home from work we go!


Poor grammar justifies nothing, but acronyms ARE LAW

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6cyDsuNx_U

(Had to do it.)


There, there. *pats your back*

*sadness* I like the Electrode flash trilogy...


And thus, a new life has been created at the expense of many others.

It's the circle of life.


Galidor: NO NO NO NO NO NO
GALIDOR GET OUT OF MY POST TOO

He has the right to because there's no fourth wall. *looks over shoulder nervously*


I can't answer this question without the New Hoenn Suspicious Liquid Defibrillators finding out, so...

No matter. I'll continue to believe in it.


Depends. Is your blood made out of gasoline?
If yes) Go see a doctor. It is likely you are a car.
If no) Yes, it is normal.

XD


If you'll notice, I also referenced it with Galidor.

But as there is no fourth wall, I temporarily replaced him with Kronk for that very moment. So... I hardly noticed.


If it works and is modern, it ain't redneck.

Not until a redneck gets to it. It'll still be modern, but it won't work without duct tape.


Deathachu isn't dead yet.. yet.

O_O Did you just give away a spoiler?


Only with his reading glasses. Without them, he's a mindless destructive force.

Kinda like how a Machoke needs the belt? Or how Clark needs his glasses to not be Superman?


NOOOOOOOOOO
THE WHOLE REASON I HELD OFF RESPONDING TO YOU PEOPLE WAS SO I COULD GET IT
I THOUGHT THE REPLIES WAS LIST OF POSTS
NOOOOOOOOOO
You win this round *squinty face*

Zibdas... you ARE the 100th post! Though it's actually the 100th reply... it still counts.

(Yes, I made a Maury Show reference.)

Skiyomi
25th July 2012, 10:24 PM
And here I am, from the review game! Here are my thoughts on Chapters 0, 2, and 3:

Overall, I'm really impressed with your writing style throughout most of this. It has a unique oddness about it that really works for you. Plus it's always a good time poking fun at video game tropes.

I think you have a really great opening here. If fact, of the three chapters I've read, the Prologue is definitely my favorite. The vagueness of the opening, the way we're just thrown into the action, and the matter-of-factness of the narrator make the intro both interesting and very funny.


“You just decide to go flying out of lump knows where, and you decide to lumpin’ crash into our lumpin’ hero?!” cried out his father in anger beyond that of which even a Voltorb could perform when it finds out its spouse has been cheating on it for a Magnemite and left the casserole in the oven for too long while doing so.

You have a lot of jokes like this, and I do see what you're doing with them. Long list jokes and overextended metaphors are a "thing" in humor, I know, but honestly I think you're much funnier when you're being concise and punchy. There are a lot of these long-style jokes in this piece and, at least to me, they often come across as overdone to the point that they lose some of their comedy. I think part of this is just that the sentences get a little unweildy and the fact that they don't always flow forces the reader to read them multiple times, which leeches away the comedy. The other part, I think, comes from the fact that they feel like they're trying very hard to be random. I think your more "effortless" sounding jokes come off better--and you do have a lot of great jokes in this. A great deal of this reminds me of Lemony Snicket's writing style in its casual, elevated and mild-manneredly weird way, and that's a huge compliment.


A few died of heart attacks, or so he though.

Should be thought.

I like the poking at the video game trope of the mute protagonist. Nice work.


Trebucjet

...? Trebuchet?


or whatever he;s called

he’s


Zub looked around him in the pit he was stranded on, Death rather literally looming over him.

Unless he’s stranded on top of the pit, I’d say “in” would be the better word here than “on.” But then again, I’m not sure where you’re from and prepositions don’t always match up from place to place, even in English.


It had been many years since he was last out, being banned from them after accidentally stopping the mafia, defeating a king turtle by jumping everywhere, found the sword of evil’s bane and killed a pig-man thing, blew up his village unintentionally, and destroyed the ultimate evil.

This sentence seems rather inconsistent to me. I think it would make more grammatical sense either as:

A:

It had been many years since he was last out after he was banned from them after he accidentally stopped the mafia, defeated a king turtle by jumping everywhere, found the sword of evil’s bane and killed a pig-man thing, blew up his village unintentionally, and destroyed the ultimate evil.

Or B:

It had been many years since he was last out, being banned from them after accidentally stopping the mafia, defeating a king turtle by jumping everywhere, finding the sword of evil’s bane and killing a pig-man thing, blowing up his village unintentionally, and destroying the ultimate evil.


“Hey hey hey whoa whoa,” said Death sadly. You can’t! I’m your buddy! …I would clasp your shoulder and gesture off into the distance, but if I touch you, you quite literally die.”

Missing a quotation mark here.

Glad you included a Pokemon battle at the end of chapter 2. This was starting to feel like it didn’t even need to be a Pokemon fic. Also mugging! Glorious, league-sanctioned mugging!


“Sheesh,” complained Death. “If the special effects guy doesn’t cut it out on these little Pokémon, we’re not going to have any money left for my ice cream social with the folks over in the Shipping communities! They’re so crazy!”

Omigawd! I was so looking forward to that ice cream social too! Also, we’re eccentric, not crazy.


“Ran Cossack, commi-IEEE!”he shouted, tripping suddenly and dying.

You’re missing a space there.

I've pointed out a few grammar/spelling/punctuation errors here. They seem more like revision problems for the most part than anything. I mentioned the preposition thing before and I'm still not sure about it. Some of your prepositions seem off to me, but might be the standard where you're from.

For your characters... well, the disembodied narrator actually seems like the best character of all to me. You really have a strong voice as a writer, and that comes through brilliantly. The other characters seem a little scant so far, but I'm okay with that for Zub. It's so clear that he's a game protagonists that his mute, relative simpleness works in his favor. I like some of Death's lines, but I don't feel like I get at this point who he is or why he's hanging around Zub (maybe this is some sort of "Death was his constant companion" kind of thing? I don't know, maybe I missed it.) Didn't get much out of Ran, to be honest, but he was just introduced in the last chapter I read.

The thing that most makes me want to read more: Your humor. The dry, pithy bits are awesome, as are the parts that make fun of video game tropes.

The thing that most makes me not want to read more: I don't have a great sense of the arc of this thing right now. I think part of that's intentional, what with the vagueness of "Them" and all, but at this point I don't feel completely confident as to whether or not there's going to be a legitimate overarching plot to this thing, or if it's mostly going to be running around making random jokes with the journey as a simple framework for their shenanigans. The latter honestly would not interest me as much as the former would, even though your comedy is a lot of fun. Then again, at chapter 3, there's still plenty of time for the plot to take a more definite shape in the future.

All in all, an interesting read with a lot of laughs. I think some of the jokes could stand be refined, but you've got that sardonic voice down pat and there are some real gems in here. I may be back. *is easily sidetracked and apologizes for it*

Zibdas
25th July 2012, 11:12 PM
No, it went through. I just checked randomly offline.
PSYCHIC PERSON


Once it goes national, it'll be everyone's favorite holiday.
Assuming they live THROUGH ALL THE AWESOME


Possible. Though is Eff Ecks ever narrates, it'd be full of sound effects.
Ran would put a stop to it right quick.


Heigh-ho, it's home from work we go!
Work? I have to work now? NOOOOOOO-


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6cyDsuNx_U

(Had to do it.)
Can't say I blame ya.


It's the circle of life.
I always thought life was more of a rhombus shape.


He has the right to because there's no fourth wall. *looks over shoulder nervously*
No worries! I'll beat them back with this oar!


No matter. I'll continue to believe in it.
CUZ I BELIEEEEVE WE CAAAAAN



But as there is no fourth wall, I temporarily replaced him with Kronk for that very moment. So... I hardly noticed.
That would explain a bit.


Not until a redneck gets to it. It'll still be modern, but it won't work without duct tape.
I'll have to beat back the rednecks with this other oar then!


O_O Did you just give away a spoiler?
No, ahaha. I'm just messin' with you.


Kinda like how a Machoke needs the belt? Or how Clark needs his glasses to not be Superman?
That to a T.


Zibdas... you ARE the 100th post! Though it's actually the 100th reply... it still counts.

(Yes, I made a Maury Show reference.)
Someday I'll understand all the references you make... someday.



All in all, an interesting read with a lot of laughs. I think some of the jokes could stand be refined, but you've got that sardonic voice down pat and there are some real gems in here. I may be back. *is easily sidetracked and apologizes for it*

I, for once, don't really have much to comment on towards your review, but the grammatical help is greatly appreciated. I can assure you that the plot is slightly more defined as it progresses and I would like to think I give the characters more personality. And I forget most of the time that these are Pokémon fics, which is why battles are more uncommon for me, but especcially in the later chapters (starting around Chapter...

Zibdas
27th July 2012, 10:03 PM
I apologize for the relative shortness of today's, but I could not find a way to extend it without it seeming runon

Chapter 23: Suckish Sucks

Zub pulled himself out of the water and flopped, chest up, onto the dock and panted heavily, trying to regain, air oxygen, and life.

Zub walked over to Zub with a puzzled look on his face.

Then the wet Zub gave the dry Zub a nice, big hug… and plunged into the ocean.

“…should we go after them?” Galidor asked after a few minutes.

“Nah,” said Death. “There’s a good chance he’ll be okay. Probably.”

Ran shrugged. “He’s made it through worse. Let’s look for POGEYMANZ while we wait.”

Galidor shrugged and went along with the idea.

Ashleigh made a strained face. “You can’t just leave like that…” she grumbled.

Corn turned to her and beamed. “Ma’am, which way to get out of here?”

Ashleigh shrugged. “Do you want the booby-trapped way or the non-booby trapped way?”

“Non-booby trapped way please.”

“Take a left as soon as you get into the walls of the wasteland,” she sighed reluctantly.

Corn merrily trotted in and took a left. Screams could be heard shortly after.

“Or maybe it was that way…” Ashleigh wondered, making an absent gesture in the entirely opposite direction.

“Thanks,” groaned Corn as he made his way in the other direction, his accompaniment cautiously following from a relatively safe distance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr. Zubious and Zub grappled beneath the churning waters of the secret dock.

“Tantum, assist me!” called out the now-bubbly voice of the doctor, who was stuffing golden coins in his mouth which somehow allowed him to breathe. “Evolve into Vaporeon!”

A small, adorable brown fox Pokémon emerged from a Pokéball, only to evolve immediately upon release. “Vapor!” it shouted and straightened itself enough so that the doctor could clamber onto its back.

“Prepare to lose, Zub!” growled Dr. Zubious as his Vaporeon launched a Dive attack at him. The sailing Bubble Jet Pokémon shot towards Zub like a torpedo.

Panicking, Zub threw out the first Pokéball he could find, unleashing Wombo the Wailmer. Wombo giggled and capped as Vaporeon sailed into him, reverberated off and was sent flying out of the water and into the air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran glared at the Golett. “It’s blue,” he said dejectedly.

Death smiled and shrugged. “Then I’ll catch it.”

Ran’s face declined. “No! There’s got to be a way around it…”

Death’s face was visibly smug. “Sorry, little buddy, but-“ he was interrupted as a man and a Vaporeon crashed into a large canister, releasing a large quantity of red spray onto Golett.

“Get…. Golt!” exclaimed Golett… as she noticed a Dustox flutter past before spontaneously combusting.

“It’s a bit… oblivious, wouldn’t you say?” asked Death.

“I don’t care, it’s red!” skittered Ran gleefully before glaring at the noise he apparently made.

“Tantum, devolve into Eevee then go into Espeon mode. We can kill these guys with fun,” whispered Dr. Zubious. He turned to the nothing. “Stop narrating what is supposed to be a secret!” he demanded.

“Make me!” cried the disembodied narrator.

“Did you hear something?” asked Ran. Death shrugged and poked him for good measure.

“Psychic, Tantum,” whispered the doctor.

“Pokéball, go!” cried out Ran, throwing a Premier Ball he had obtained FREE ABSOLUTELY FREEE WITH THE PURCHASE OF TEN POKéBALLS OR MORE AT YOUR LOCAL POKéMART ABSOLUTELY FREEE

THIS WAS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY DEVON

“That was weird,” commented Ran as the Premier Ball snapped shut.

“Sorry guys, we’re making budget cuts,” sighed the author as he climbed out of some nearby toxic waste. “It’s expensive.”

“Is that sanitary, sitting in that goo?” wondered Corn.

“It’s expensive to run a fic?” asked Death skeptically. The Author ignored these questions.

“We’re going to have to make some changes. First of all; all action will now be done by unpaid stunt doubles.”

“Which are…?” asked Ran anxiously.

“Machiavelli an’ his clones!” declared the Author.

“Who now?” frowned Galidor.

“Just watch,” smiled the author, pointing to a movie screen that had appeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ran, Death, Galidor and Corn hopped into the monster truck. All of their details were greatly exaggerated; each had blossoming muscles, vivid facial expressions, and extremely highly detailed eyes.

“Hurry up, they are gaining on us!” Galidor called from the trunk to Ran, who was driving in a decidedly Japanese accent.

“I am accelerating!” cried out Ran, slamming his foot down on the pedal.

“Espeon!” cried out a pink, two-tailed kitsune with a ruby encrusted between its eyes as it leaped out from behind a wall of smashed auto parts and used its Psychic abilities to fling shrapnel at the quartet.

“Cossacka!” Death yelled. “Speed up, and I will charge up my abilities!” yelled Galidor.

The monster truck took on a purge of speed and sped onwards.

“Charging!” roared Galidor in power.

“This fic is so stupid,” muttered Corn offhandedly.

Espeon, upon noticing that her shrapnel were doing no harm, she focused and made her tail blow with a brilliant, metallic hue.

“Now would be a great time to activate,” Corn growled to Galidor, who was happy to oblige.

“Powering up to SUPER SHAMAN!” he yelled as he rose up in a brilliant sphere of golden light.

“Where’d his shirt go?” Corn asked in bewilderment as the light faded away, revealing Galidor’s very pulled up pants and his abnormally buff biceps. Espeon’s Iron Tail made contact but bounced off with a dull paonk.

Ran twitched at the helm of the car.

“SUPER SHAMAN LASER!” cried out Galidor as the light returned, though it was now heavily focused towards the front. Espeon barely had time to throw up a feeble Light Screen before the light concentrated so heavily it shot a powerful blast at Espeon, knocking it out.

The monster truck exploded.

Fin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But that was all CGI!” protested Ran.

“My pants are not that pulled up!” yelled Galidor.

“We’re in a fic?” Corn asked. “What’s a fic?”

“Yes,” the Author affirmed. “We’re now also switching to randomly generated… everything, for better effects.”

“That’s not how it works!” yelled Ran.

“Is it like a type of fish?” wondered Corn.

“Even humour!”

“Humour?” asked Death skeptically.

“Yes. Why did the Torchic cross the road?”

“Why?” asked Ran.

CALCULATING… ANSWER: A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF ZE SEA

A laugh track was cued.

“Our laugh track and automated answering systems are French?” asked the Author. “Well, that’s new.”

“What’s a French? And what’s a fic? My head is so confused…” moaned Corn, rubbing his temples.

“If I wasn’t wearing this costume I’d kill you,” commented Death.

“Welcome to the world of the future!” grinned the Author. “Good job, Machiavelli.”

A goldfish in a small glass bowl nearby did absolutely nothing to acknowledge his acknowledgement.

“That’s my fish,” sighed the Author, wiping a tear from his eyes before disappearing.

“I think it’s time I, too, caught a new Pokémon!” cried out Death as they began searching for more Pokémon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub pulled himself onto the dock, gasping for air. His instincts told him he had to destroy this faculty. First, he needed a way to transport himself with ease.

He threw a Pokéball and immediately Tango understood what he wanted.

‘Motorized Pogo Stick form activating, sir,” he hummed. He stretched his two arms out to the either side and positioned his body so he was looking down. His face slid down and elongated down a pole trailed by his nose, until he resembled a rather strange pogo stick.

“Transition complete” Tango hummed. “Go on, get on.”

Zub shrugged and clambered onto his Pokémon. Getting into the swing of things, he began bouncing around merrily. His next step; to further destroy this place. It was already in ruins from not only its age and discrepancy, but Rick’s bomb run helped no further. He had to figure out how to shut of the Drone production lines….

As he leaped over the tall walls separating the main area from the dock, a drone few past him, did a double take, and grew arms. The taloned limbs of machinery attempted to do either what seemed to be moving to drill his eyes out or to do the classic “Got your nose!” gambit.

Eventually growing tired of the situation, the drone gave up and released a large, bladed mole Pokémon.

“Excadrill, the Large Bladed Mole Pokémon,[i]” confirmed Tango helpfully. “[i]Excadrill uses its claws to viciously dig holes. No one knows why it digs so many holes or why it does so with such passion, but it is a frightening sight.”

Right on cue, the Excadrill bent over and began digging with an enormous fervor. The drone starting buzzing and humming angrily, but as it was not set to Attack or Protect mode, the Excadrill had no intention of obeying.

Suddenly, two more drones heard all the racket and flew over. Immediately they spotted Zub, who had by now dismounted his pogo stick. One immediately released a purple Rattata and the other a large, blue toad Pokémon with a flower sprouting from its back.

“Rattata and Venusaur,” sung Tango. “Rattata are known for their purple hue and are known to taste amazing when flambéed over a low fire for a half hour. Venusaur are typically lazy, but when the time calls, they still do not fight. Rather, they abandon their homes and play poker and drink until late at night.”

Zub shrugged and sent Derpy Moos forward while Tango returned itself to its battling state. Zub gave a series of short hand gestures and both knew what to do immediately. Tango flew over to the duo of vicious Pokémon, where it assaulted Venusaur with a series of rapid, vicious punches making up Bullet Punch.

Derpy Moos curled up into a ball, where a steady crust formed over her, making her indistinguishable from any boulder. She then proceeded to ram into Rattata with a sharp “Moo!” Rattata took considerable damage and was flung into a wall, but still somehow managed to feebly stand up.

The first security drone whirred for a moment in thought, and Rattata glared at Derpy, who suddenly seemed to have the same amount of hit points as Rattata.

“Look out Zub, it’s a FEAR Rattata!” warned Tango without missing a beat. Zub nodded and told Derpy to unleash a Quick Attack, knocking out Rattata instantly.

Zub nodded to Tango, who finished his assault with a final Meteor Mash before knocking out Venusaur. Both of the controlling drones exploded immediately and the third one fled on sight.

“How random,” noted Tango as the he transformed back into a pogo stick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What’s this one called?” Death asked as he peered at a barking, striped wolf or something.

“Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon,” clarified Ran’s Pokédex data banks.

“Wait, TinyRaccoon?” asked Death in surprise. “No spaces?”

“None,” shrugged Ran.

“Lame,” sighed Death as he punted the Zigzagoon.

“I found one!” called out Galidor. Everyone went to see what it was.
“I know that one,” noted Ran. “It’s Jynx.”

“It’s an abomination,” corrected Death.

“Jynx,” Jynx countered icily.

A laugh track was cued for that terrible, terrible pun.

The Jynx rushed forward and smacked Death’s chest. Being a Pikachu, instead of being killed, she was involuntarily sucked in.

“Oh no,” he groaned in despair. “Seriously?!”

“Seriously,” affirmed Ran. “My Pokédex confirms it’s yours now.”

“Guess that means we’ll look for a Pokémon for me then!” grinned Corn as he merrily skipped away.

“I’ll nickname you Suckish,” Death muttered angrily to where his stomach should be. “Because you suck.”

Z-nogyroP
27th July 2012, 10:31 PM
“Pokéball, go!” cried out Ran, throwing a Premier Ball he had obtained FREE ABSOLUTELY FREEE WITH THE PURCHASE OF TEN POKéBALLS OR MORE AT YOUR LOCAL POKéMART ABSOLUTELY FREEE

THIS WAS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY DEVON

This was the kilometrestone of the whole chapter.


“We’re in a fic?” Corn asked. “What’s a fic?”

If they told you, they'd have to kill you.


“Yes. Why did the Torchic cross the road?”

To get away from the bagpipe recital!


“Excadrill, the Large Bladed Mole Pokémon,” confirmed Tango helpfully.

Heeeeey, I thought it was the Subterrene Pokemon!


“Rattata and Venusaur,” sung Tango. “Rattata are known for their purple hue and are known to taste amazing when flambéed over a low fire for a half hour. Venusaur are typically lazy, but when the time calls, they still do not fight. Rather, they abandon their homes and play poker and drink until late at night.”

I'd eat a Rattata. Oh no. Bumper sticker vision coming on! HEEEEELP-Lower the rodent population. Eat a Rattata. NOOOOO


“Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon,” clarified Ran’s Pokédex data banks.

“Wait, TinyRaccoon?” asked Death in surprise. “No spaces?”

I've always wondered about that.


“I’ll nickname you Suckish,” Death muttered angrily to where his stomach should be. “Because you suck.”

My new Jynx nickname.

I suppose it was a bit shorter, but somehow, the shorter it is, the better. :)

GalladeofSpades
28th July 2012, 10:25 PM
Reviewing Twenty-Two, since I didn't review it earlier due to travelling issues. I'll head on to Twenty-Three later. *procrastination powers, ACTIVATE!!!*


Chapter 22: Happy Explosion Day


And now for some history:

Explosion day was created in 1979, when Geoffrey Explosius Jr the Third accidentally blew up the village bell. The man was ent to jail with the death sentence. While he was in jail, he blew up a wall and saved a kitten, that blew up. Seeing that his little explosion might make other prisoners of the death sentence escape, he decided to blow'em all up, making the village save a fortune in killing people.

On Explosion Day, people blow up everything they see, with whatever they got, being protected from the law. That means you can blow up your neighbour with some illegal dynamite, receiving a handwave in response. Families have the tradition of stuffing explosive turkeys down chimneys, making them blow up.

TL;DR: Explosion Day is fun.


“So then I realized the old bald guy had actually bitten me and I was all, ‘EW guy get off of me!’ and he turned out to be a radioactive Gary Oak so I got Gary Oak powers, and then-“


OAKWOMEN. SHE CAN SMELL YOU. EVEN IF YOU ARE IN THE FUTURE. SMELL YA LATER HAS NEVER BEEN SO LITERAL.


Straightening her dress one final time, the woman smiled again and spoke. “I’m the illustrious reporter Gabby… uh… something. Today, we have received numerous reports of ‘flying balls’. We are not sure what this means, but given the universe live in, it’s probably something, or nothing at all.


I had to stop for a moment after I read flying balls. xD


“We are also informed that a ninja, a muscular baby thing, a Willy Wonka impersonator, the Grim Reaper, a mute lunatic, and Ran have been seen gathering on a cliff southeast of Lilycove. We’re pretty sure anyone who could dream up these characters together are insane.”

Eh, a world without insanity is boring.


“Okay, who narrated that?!” shouted the Author, freezing time for a moment. “I demand to see the narrator!”

Rick lightly and politely tapped on the author’s shoulder. “Uh, sir, we don’t have one.”


Wait, if they don't have a narrator... Where is all the narrating coming from?


The Author crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, spawning a mustache to twirl while he thought. “Rick! Hire for us a narrator!”

Suddenly Rick disappeared and reappeared shortly after, though this time accompanied by a British guy.

“Hello, I’m the narrator,” said the narrator.

“Yeah, I think we got that,” said the Author.

It’s fun to narrate.

“I know, right?” asked the narrator to the narration he was narrating excitedly.

Oh, yes, indeed.

“This is the most fun I’ve had since that angel destroyed my moon prison,” the narrator laughed.

I remember that. Ahahaha.

“Dude, you can’t talk to the narration,” said the Author. “We’re firing you.”

“Noooooooo!” screamed the narrator as he exploded.

Happy Explosion Day.


Mary Sue, Gary Stu, and Eff Ecks, finished hitting the rocket with pickaxes. “There,” said Eff Ecks, clapping his hands together. “Now that were done-“

Eh, who cares. *sees what 's happening in Lilycove with a remote.


Matrin grinned wickedly at the swarm of spheres flying overhead, all headed toward Lilycove… and beyond. All around him, Pokémon began appearing from them, ready to move on.

“Do we win yet?” he asked to Bel, who shrugged. As villains, winning wasn’t something anybody got used to easily.

“This isn’t good…” Death trailed off, watching as they were surrounded by ever increasing amounts of Their infantry. “What do we do?”

“Lose?” suggested Ran, preparing his chestplate in case he needed to send out Ranshao.

“That’s a bad idea,” Death said as he attempted to position his skull in a sour face. Tearing open a hole in his cloak, he unleashed Gemini once more as the cloak resealed itself.

Yes, I'd hate to see this story end like this.


Bel laughed evilly and then turned to address the swarm of oncoming Pokémon that were prepared to demolish our… heroes, for lack of a better term. “You! keep going towards the Industrial Wasteland! We wish to demolish these children ourselves!”

A commanding-class drone gave a short buzz that sounded like an affirmation, then turned to the others, who flew away with their Pokémon.

Bel slipped away a katana. “Prepare to meet your... what did It call it?” she stood there, furrowing her brow, racking her brain. “Dormant Opocolyptic Overseen eMancipation, I think.”

“You spelled ‘apocalyptic’ wrong,” noted Matrin.

Bel is the nightmare of a Grammar Nazi.


“It was for the sake of the acronym!” yelled Bel, slugging Matrin in the stomach.

“Worth it,” he groaned in agony.

Ashleigh grinned at the sight of them. “Hey, are you two… you know, uh…”

“NO!” roared Bel defensively, quickly drawing both katana.

“…gonna finish our enemies?” Ashleigh finished with a smirk as Bel’s attention was averted back to her opponents.

Ooh, good one. *sees that MatrinxBel shippers are winning the Ship-to-Ship Combat*


Drawing an Ultra Ball, she once more glared at Rath and Ashleigh. “Don’t you two need to oversee the Wasteland and Lilycove or something?”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ashleigh muttered, making a face. “My Regice and his Regirock will be itching to destroy. Come on, Rath,” she sighed, clambering onto his back as she spoke. Suddenly, a large bird Pokémon hopped out of her back pocket in a flash of… green.

“Oh, Xatu,” she grinned. “Keep an eye on them while we’re here, okay?” Seeing Xatu’s nod, she and Rath ran off.

I always liked Xatu, if only for it's originality.


“Well, let’s finish this,” grunted Bel. “Go, Gallade!”


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES


“Ranshao, use a Dual Chop and chop through those defenses!” Ran called, as Gemini leapt forward to use Shadow Claw. Thick, vine-y tendrils grew out of Gallade’s wristblades, which it then used to slice at Gemini, preventing it from attacking. As Ranshao prepared to chop the preoccupied Gallade, Glaceon shot out a thick wall of concrete, impeding its path.


... That's an original way of thinking how Leaf Blade looks.


Suddenly Xatu’s eyes shot open and it began freaking out.

“Xa xa xaaaaatuuuuu!” it screamed, which made all people and Pokémon stare at it.

“Xa xa xa, tut u tu!” it screamed, flapping its wings wildly before running away.

“That was certainly something,” remarked Matrin. “It’s not like a rocket or anything is going to fall on us, right? And then explode? Ahahaha.”

A rocket fell on them.

Oh, and it exploded.


Ya gotta love Matrin.


As the AFRO Leaguers jumped off their rocket, they began pulling Zub, Death, Miror B., and Ran out of the ground and straightening them out. “Note to self,” noted Eff Ecks. “Learn to fly the rocket before piloting it.”

The group began running towards Lilycove.

LE GASP THE AFRO LEAGUERS ARE HELPING THE HEROES.


“This is worse than the time you at all those Fauxmatoes,” giggled Dogars.

“Fauxmatoes?” asked Corn.

“Don’t ask,” Galidor grumbled.

“No, seriously, what are Fauxmatoes?”

Galidor chose to ignore the question. “So, what now? Wait for Zub?”

Dogars giggled. So, N, there were these tomatoes, and then-“

“I said shut up!” roared Galidor.


DO NOT SHUT UP DOGGARS WHAT DID HE DO WITH THE FAUXMATOES.


“How did we get to Lilycove so fast?” asked Death in bewilderment.

“Shhh,” shushed Gary Stu. “Anyway, by the looks of things, Lilycove is under major attack. The AFRO League can handle that. I’m guessing that they’re attacking here, to gain control of the Industrial Wasteland just a walk west from here. You can’t miss it.”

“Is that a challenge?” grinned Death.
... Technically, yes. It's a horrible one, but it still is.


Miror B. shrugged and pointed off in the distance. Off where supposedly a prestigious Safari Zone was once located now stood what seemed to be a towering fortress of junk. Livid green liquid could be seen from even here, spouting from several unusual sources.


What the heck happened to the Safari Zone?


Death closed his eye…. sockets…. somehow and shook his head, arms folding. “I don’t believe it, and therefore, you owe me thirty bucks.”

“We never agreed to that,” pointed out Eff Ecks.

“Dag nabbit,” Death grunted, snapping his fingers in frustration.


Is it even possible to snap your fingers when they are pretty much bones?


Because, you know, explosions are kewlz.

As said by Geoffrey Explosius Jr the Third, "EXPLUDING THINGZ IZ FUUUUN!!"


Ran seemed to have an epiphany in answer to this. “Would you like a large or a small crater?”

“What?”

“Would you like a laaarge,” Ran stopped to spread his arms far apart, “or a small crater?” he held two fingers apart, though barely.

“I’ll go large,” said Death thoughtfully.

Ran nodded and his left arm transformed into a large, grey cannon. Grabbing Death’s arm, or lack thereof, as well as Zub’s, he pointed the cannon at the ground. “COSSACK BLASTER!” Ran yelled, launching a pellet comparable to the sun, which exploded.

As the trio skyrocketed towards the Wasteland, even the Author had to admit this was an extremely contrived plot progression ticket.

After a short flying sequence, they arrived in a courtyard-like area of the Wasteland and their jaws gaped.

Hory shiz.


Some kind of vile green liquid oozed from many different cracks in the junk walls or floors, creating more of a archipelago of wayward junk to stand on within a myriad of deadly gunk than a normal courtyard. However, that wasn’t all that was so surprising;

It seemed to have been converted to be some sort of factory made specifically for creating spheres.

Specifically, spheres that no one liked.

... i did not c wat u did thar.


Affirmative, clicked a mechanical, yet somehow cold voice.
AHAHAAHAHAHAH

It’s Regice, by the way. Now the pun will make more sense.


Don't Explain the joke.


“Seriously, when are we going to meet them?” growled Galidor, who was impatient at having to wait and stop Corn from learning that one story.

“Is it safe to assume we won’t meet them after all?” asked Dogars, still enjoying his master’s loathing.

They looked around. They had snuck into the highest point of the Industrial Park, the lookout tower, and knew Zub would be here. Eventually.

Then the wall beneath them exploded.

“Happy Explosion Day,” Rick Shaw grinned, tipping his fedora.


You too, Rick. *about to blow the fedora up, but stops*

Wait. Don't you mean the floor beneath them? I'm pretty sure they weren't standing on a wall.


Galidor collided with a lever as a result of the catastrophic explosion that rocked the entire building. The floor opened up and swallowed him down, where he ended up in the same room as Zub and co, which overlooked a lake that was blocked from access to the ocean by a large dam. They all seemed to be in a dungeon.

“Huh,” he noted. “What are the odds of that trapdoor leading me here?”


In this Universe? 100 to 100.


Death palmed his face. “Explosion Day was today?! I completely forgot!”


HOW COULD YOU DEATH I EVEN BOUGHT DYNAMITE FOR YOU- *stabbed*


“How do we get out of here?” moaned Ran. “I’m hungry.”

“We could try the redneck way,” Rick shrugged.

“How do we do that?” Corn asked.

A horse appeared, and Rick got on it. The horse then somehow leaped out of the ruined tower.

“I don’t know about you,” Rick grinned. “But I have a hundred Electrode and I want to make stuff explode. And since this is Their factory, it works. See ya!”

... What.


Galidor watched him go. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he muttered quietly.

“What is it?” asked Ran.

“I FLIPPIN’ HATE YOUR GUTS!” ROARED Galidor as he punched Zub painfully square in the jaw.

“Can’t we settle this peacefully?” moaned Ran.

“Define…. ‘Peacefull,’” Galidor said calmly.

“The act of brutally destroying everyone for desperate need of your crisps?” Dogars suggested.

“PETA?” asked Corn.

“No!” cried out Ran in desperation. “It’s the exact opposite of those… especially PETA,” he added with a disapproving glance in Corn’s direction. “Who are you, anyway? Zub has shown me pictures to get acquainted with Galidor and the flying wheezeball, but you’re new.”


Agreed. PETA is the root of all evil.


“I’m Corn,” Corn redundantly said. “Oh, and my name is Corn, too.”

“Well, I’ll cream you!” yelled Death.

“We’ve already made that pun,” frowned Corn.

“Dag nabbit,” cursed Death.

“Can we just kill them yet?” the exasperated Galidor called.

“No,” called Ran back.

“And you’re one to order me around, because…?”

“Because if I die I instantly regenerate.”

“Handy.”

“Very.”

It'll be a wonderful failure if you try to kill Ran, though.


Zub randomly sent out Wombo the Wailmer. Why? HE’S ZUB HE AIN’T NEED NO REASON

Suddenly everyone felt very space conscious, having to press against the walls. This was due to Wombo’s large size, even in comparison to other Wailmer.


It'll get worse when wombo becomes a Wailord.


“I really need more Pokémon,” grumbled Death. “Poor Gemini is really quite pooped.”

“Same with Ranshao,” Ran frowned.

“I guess I could rely on more than Dogars, since I left my others back home…” Galidor mused.

Corn shrugged. “An alternative to Zoroark would be nice.”

“So it’s settled!” Ran declared suddenly. “We don’t kill each other until we all have new Pokémon. Deal?”


Oh yeah, only Zub has 3.


“Fine by me,” Galidor reluctantly sighed.

“Or…” Death grinned evilly. “I could be someone’s Pokémon.”

“How would that be accomplished by someone of your stature?” asked Dogars.

Suddenly, Death’s Pikachu costume appeared in his arms. He quickly put it on, grinning in the process. “Pika,” he said simply.

Galidor, also smiling though for a completely different reason, reached towards Death’s suit’s zipper, gave it a sharp turn, and snapped it off in one move.

“I’m going to kill you,” growled Death, attempting to slap Gaidor. Once he did, however, he realized the suit’s furry padding impeded his death curse.


DEATHACHU, I MISSED U.

And, correct me if I'm wrong, I thought that his curse worked even if he was in his Pika costume?


“So,” Ran started, ignoring Galidor and Death’s scuffle. “How shall we progress out of this tower?”

Zub happily clambered onto Wombo and gestured for the others to get on as well. Wombo giggled and put up a little struggle as though he were being tickled, but overall seemed okay with it.

Zub grinned stupidly. Wombo grinned stupidly. Ran looked around as the tower began flooding with water.

“So… you’re trying to drown us?” asked Galidor. “Not the most effective route for saving us.”

Death grinned. “Hey, on the bright side, you all could join me!” he grinned. “We’ll be the... the Ray-Team! ‘Cuz I’ll give us all laser super powers upon dying!”

“I want the explodey vision!” called out Galidor.

Dogars sniffed. “I have dibs on Tea-and-Biscuit Ray.”

Ran smiled. “I want Communism Beams!”


I want the meat vision.


Zub sighed and pointed down. Everyone realized they weren’t rowning, but rather, Wailmer had floated on the increasing water, bring them almost as high as the wall itself. They could easily climb out onto the dock below.

“I was so looking forward to dying… kinda,” sighed Galidor.

Death made a rude gesture. “You could if I weren’t wearing this ridiculous costume.”

They looked around where they landed. It was on a bluff, far above the secluded section of ocean. There was a rickety, well-worn staircase leading down to an old dock. The air around it was inexplicably stormy.

“Now what?” asked Death. “What do we do now?”

Down below them, they heard a metal clatter, and part of the rock’s surface slid open, to which two individuals walked out and onto the dock.

“So then I told Justy, ‘No, I’m not going there in this dress! It’s mint green for a reason!’ and he was soooo sweet, he just accepted it, and-“ Rath interrupted Ashleigh’s rant by politely taping on her shoulder (almost sending her through the dock in the process) and pointed towards the top of the hillside.


Second Best Moment.


“Ohmaigwash, it’s… those guys again!” she exclaimed in genuine surprise. She leaned over to Rath. “I’m serious; what were their names again?”

Rath shrugged. “RUB, DERTH AND… COMMUNISM,” he guessed.

“Close!” called down Death. “But still no cigar!”

Rath sat down and took out a pair of reading glasses and a pamphlet. “Each year, approximately 419,000 people die in this country from causes related to smoking cigarettes, cigars or pipes, or using smokeless or “spit” tobacco. In fact, more people die each year from tobacco-related causes than from alcohol and other drug use, murders, suicides, drownings, car crashes, fires and AIDS combined. Even nonsmokers are at risk, as constant exposure to secondhand smoke accounts for more than 50,000 deaths each year and-“ he read before he was interrupted by Ashleigh.

“That’s nice,” she cut in. “But we really need to destroy these guys. Rath, you and your Regirock, destroy!”

Rath nodded in confirmation. “SMASH DEATHACHU’S PUNY FACE!” he bellowed primitively, and haphazardly threw a Pokéball in the opposite direction before beginning to chase Death.

LET ME BORROW RATH. PLEASE. Also, best moment.

Ashleigh shrugged and took charge of his Regirock. “Go, Lopunny! Regirock, use Stone Edge! Lopunny, Strength, now!”


A large, feminine-looking rabbit Pokémon appeared in a ray of red light, gave a wink to Zub, and launched itself at them. Meanwhile, the rock golem Regirock had smashed its own hand and was now firing the shards and rubble at our heroes like it was using a machine gun.

Zub recovered over his initial panic over the assault of rabbit punches and golem hand pieces and sent out Wombo. He gave a short indication with his hands, which the Wailmer understood immediately as it threw itself at Lopunny, absorbing most of its attacks and still hurting it quite bountifully.

“That was Wailmer’s Heavy Slam,” gaped Ran. “Looks like it worked, too!”

Yes, because a fat whale slamming it's body at full force into a frail rabbit would definetley not work.


“No!” screamed Ashleigh, realizing the tides were quickly turning. “Regirock, use Hammer Arm on that abominable fox! Lopunny, ThunderPunch, now! Murder that beach ball!”


Wow. It actually DOES look like a beachoball, now that I notice it.


After checking to see how well Regirock had done, Ashleigh moved to see how Lopunny was doing until she realized that the Pokémon was treating a severely burned arm.


U sissy.
and since I don't really have much to say about the next few paragraphs, other than I can picture the battle clearly, lemme skip a bit.


Zub took hold of Ran’s arm and pointed upward. Seeing what it was immediately, the two forced everyone down onto the docks. Although at first questioning the command, the rest soon hurried onto the wooden platforms. Doing a headcount, Ran realized everyone but one was present.

“Hey guys, what’s wrong?” Galidor asked from the cliffside, which then exploded with the force of twenty max-leveled, overpowered, highly volatile Electrode. Rick followed soon after from a parachute, expertly landing on the docks.

“Happy Explosion Day, Gorgeous,” he smiled with a tip of his hat to Ashleigh.

“You just blew up… our friend? no… that guy!” protested Ran.

STOP CREATING SHIP-TO-SHIP COMBATS, DAMMIT. YOU CREATED A RICKXASHLEIGH VS RATHXASHLEIGH VS DEATHXASHLEIGH ONE NOW.

and Galidor is the Zoideberg.


“It’s okay, I’m okay!” shouted Galidor from the now utterly ruined bluff.

“How are you alive?!” asked Ran, incredulous. Galidor grinned.

“I have one of those instant teleport things like you,” he said.

Dogars floated over to him. “Actually, uh, no you don’t.”

Galidor frowned. “Really? That information would have been nice to know beforehand.”


Ignorance saves lives.


As the eight accumulated persons continued as such in banter, a hand reached out of the churning water and grabbed hold of the dock.

HORROR MOVIE THINGY.

Anyway, great chapter as always, will review 23 later.

Zibdas
31st July 2012, 10:35 AM
Chapter 24: Aristotle’s Demeanor

“Well, this sucks,” muttered Dr. Zubious to Tantem. “Tantem, return.”

He looked around. His genetically modified destroyer of doom was not working for once… he’d have to fix that later.

But right now those insolent brats were doing nothing to help him.

He held a Pokéball aloft and studied it.

“Go, Regigas!” he yelled as a white golem with yellow armour and ancient moss growing on it materialized. “Destroy them,” he commanded to it.

“Carry me,” the Regigigas moaned.

“Stop being so lazy,” scowled the doctor.

“I’ll get there when I feel like it!” the Pokémon yelled defiantly as it began to begrudgingly drag itself over to where the heroes were standing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub bounced on his transformed robot motorized pogo stick happily, looking for the wasteland’s control system. Why?

So he could blow it up.

He sang a little song as he bounced. It went to the tune of “Jingle Chingling”.

It went as follows;

“… … …
… … …
… … … …
… … … … … … … …”

And so on, as Zub is mute.

Eventually, he made his way to a large inconspicuous building with a poster in the front. It read


WARNING
THERE IS NOTHING BEHIND THE POSTER
THE BUILDING IS A PURSE
AND ALL THAT IS BEHIND POSTER
IS A FERALIGATR PIT

Zub recognized the trick from when he stopped the Mafia. There was a lever behind the poster, he knew. He jumped through the poster to reach the lever…

…and promptly fell in a Feraligatr pit. “Why do they even have this? In a purse, no less,” grumbled Tango as they entered into a room marked “Control Room” in the pit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regigas lazily swung a fist. “En garde,” it drawled.

“This is it!” snapped Dr. Zubious. “Why won’t any of my Pokémon just kill you heroes already?!”

Death turned around in surprise. “You were trying to kill us?”

“Maybe you’re failing because you spend too much time dancing?” asked Regigigas with a laugh.

“Wait, what?” asked Ran.

Regigigas turned to him. “Yup. He wanted his official title to be DDR. Zubious.”

“Shut up!” cried out the doctor in protest.

“OH MAI ARCEUS YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE!” Regigas cried.

“Fine. You’re not seeing that by on Friday the,” Dr. Zubious glared, turning his back.

Regigas turned around with a huff, visibly tearing up.

“So… do we win?” asked Galidor with a smile. “If not, I have the perfect weapon!”

“Me?” Dogars asked in surprise.

“No!” laughed Galidor, smacking Dogars away like a dodgeball, its purple figure bouncing away. “I meant my new Venipede, Vidi Vici!”

Death raised an eyebrow… skull area… thing. “Is that a reference to what I think it is?”

Ran burst into tears.

“Poor guy,” Corn sighed.

“No matter!” exclaimed Dr. Zubious. “I still have my secret weapon! Caffeininator, go!” He pulled out a large Medigun, and primed it at Regigigas.

“No… no no no no NOOOOOOOOOOO” Regigas creamed as the pulses emitted by the Medigun struck her. After a moment, it ended, and she collapsed.

Her head perked up.

“Co…. co…” she mumbled.

“What’s that?” Ran asked.

She got to her knees and began shaking. “COFFEEE!” she screamed maniacally, breaking through her robotic monotone.

“Ooo, this’ll be fun,” Dr. Zubious decided as he clapped his hands together. “Like that time I disguised myself as a Rent-a-Clown, infiltrated that kid’s birthday party, popped his balloons, ate his cake, and then made off with all the doorknobs in his house!”

“Coffee!” screamed Regigigas.

“Wait!” screamed Corn in protest, halting both attackers. “We needed money, so I hooked us up with a sponsor that’s due to air any minute now!”

The Author came in. “You got us money?” he asked perkily.

“Yup,” grinned Corn, handing the Author a large wad of cash. “Their ratings were huge, and they wanted to expand their broadcast.”

“Well, I just hope it’s not-“


Confessions of a Gym Leader
With our host, all the way from Sinnoh, Kinsey!!

“Hello folks, and welcome back to Confessions of a Gym Leader, where we interview various gym leaders from all around the world! First off, we have Skyla, from… who cares! And here she is!” Kinsey smiled warmly in a fake, plastic manner.

A woman with long, auburn hair stepped onto the stage and bowed, revealing her rather tight pilot’s uniform. She sat in the plush recliner provided for her.

“Hello Skyla!” Kinsey said, shaking the woman’s hand. “How nice it is to see you today! What is your problem?” Kinsey asked, never once stopping smiling.

Skyla gulped. “Well, the doctors said I have a fixation with watching trainers be hurled into walls…” she mumbled.

Kinsey made a ssch, ssch, noise while shaking her head (much to Ran’s chagrin), never once ceasing to smile. “And what makes him say that?” she finally asked.

Skyla smiled guiltily. “The cannons and fans in my gym are aimed just so that the trainers would collide into walls. It makes me laugh. Like this, watch,” she stood up and inhaled sharply. Her eyes glowed red as she threw her arms into the air. “MWAHAHAHAHA!” she laughed, lightning flashing.

“My, my,” noted Kinsey, never losing a beat. “That is quite the problem. Anyway, before we continue, let’s meet our next gym leaders! Leaders, come on up and say your problem!”

A tall, attractive-looking male with spiky brown hair and a leather jacket walked onto the scene. “Hi, my name is Blue and people always get my name wrong with some horrid rubbish a new trainer thrust onto me,” he shrugged before sitting down on a recliner.

A tall, gruff-looking man wearing lederhosen, sporting a wicked beard walked in. “Hello. My name is Drayden, and I think my beard is trying to take over my mind and the world.”

“Don’t listen to him!” his beard hissed.

The fouth and final person walked onstage. “I’m Whitney!” she smiled. “My Psychiatrist sent me here after making too many terainers cry WITH THE UNHOLY POWER OF MY DEVESTATING MILTANK MOOHAHAHAHA! Oh, and thanks for having me here.”

“Excellent to see you all!” Kinsey grinned. “First question; how many fanfiction can you name?”

“The Journey of Journeyness!” called Blue.

“The Jirachi Battalion,” noted Drayden.

“Wendistop,” added Skyla.

“Operation COG,” said Whitney.

“Very good,” nodded Kinsey. “That is the first step to accepting.”

“Accepting what?” asked Blue.

“YOUR DEMISE,” hissed Drayden’s beard, tentacles whipping the air.

“Shut up, beard!” Drayden cried in angst.

“My cow will crush you all!” Whitney proclaimed.

“I swear to Arceus if I don’t smash you all into walls…” Skyla growled.

“I’ll rummage through your dead meat-parcels and consume your bones, feasting on their delighted marrow!” cackled Drayden’s beard.

“Beard!” Drayden whined in desperation.

“♫♪Sooooooaring through the skiiiiiiies, smashing into waaaaaals♫♪” sang Skyla.

“What’s up, Che-“ began Whitney.

“That’s not my name!” screamed Blue.

“SHUT UP!” yelled Kinsey, finally breaking her smile. “You’re all INSANE! I can’t handle you all! Just shut up, go home, and leap off a bridge or something!”

“Unova has a lot of bridges,” noted Skyla.

“Malfunction detected.” screamed a robotic voice as Kinsey spontaneously combusted. “Malfunction ceased.”


And thus Ends Confessions of a Gym Leader. We will probably never air again after this, being the third time this has happened.

“Coffee!” screamed Regigigas, twitching nervously.

Galidor smoothed his hair. “Vidi Vici, Venoshock!”

“Veni!” Venipede growled as it glowed with purple intensity, which was then fired at Regigas.

Regigigas stumbled for a moment, then ran around in circles screaming.

“You take care of that, Regigigas!” yelled Dr. Zubious. “I’ll be… uh… elsewhere!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Deploying Surprise Defense in 10…

The monotonous timer had gone off. Zub was smashing buttons with Tango’s pogo stick form.

It wasn’t working as well as he had hoped.

9…

As the time rushed past his ears, he beat all the cntrols harder, damaging them far beyond repair.

8…

That didn’t work either. Time for a new plan.

7…

“Go fish,” sighed Tango as he tossed down a playing card. This wasn’t working wither.

6…

Tango was using Psychic to smash Zub into various pieces of electronic equipment to no avail.

5…

“And then Justy whispered…” Ashleigh stopped as she noticed the two people in the room. “Hey, you two!”

4…

“Do you suppose you could help us turn off the surprise?” Tango asked.

3…

“Sure, if we had controls to turn them off,” said Ashleigh as she rolled her eyes.

“KILL THEM?” asked Rath.

2….

“No! We need to leave before the surprise is deployed!” Ashleigh yelled, but it was too late.

Deploying surprise.

Several thousand pounds of yogurt was dropped on all present in the Control Room.

“NOOOOOOO!” screamed Ashleigh. “It’s so low in fat!”

“MY WEEKNEH!” roared Rath as he thrashed about before disappearing in the tsunami of low-fat creamy treat.

Zub sat there and blinked as his face was covered in the yogurt.

“This is just like that horror film we watched last night.”sighed Tango.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death pushed Regigigas over. “This may not kill it but it’s down at last!” he panted.

Then Dr. Zubious came back, this time wearing a mask. “Wow, look at this neat mask!” he exclaimed. “Anyway, where were we-“

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” Corn calmly screamed.

Ran turned around. “What is i- AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” he placidly shrieked.

Death yawned.

“What’s wrong?” Galidor asked.

Ran and Corn whimpered and pointed at the doctor’s mask.

“That’s terrible!”

“I have to hide before he eats me!” Corn said.

“What?” Dr. Zubious asked in confusion.

The watchtower behind them exploded.

Nearby, several platforms above the goo exploded. The goo exploded too, but it doesn’t have feelings, so we won’t worry about that.

The tower, on the other hand, was mentally screaming, “WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIIIIIS.”

Beneath the now-holes, yogurt began oozing out and mixing into the goo with a hiss. Zub’s head poked out of the torrent momentarily before being sucked back in.

“Zub’s in there!” yelled Death. Everyone could see him struggling to surface.

“I’ll get him!” called Galidor, diving straight into the yogurt-goo mix.

“Way to be sanitary, Master!” called out Dogars, who had not moved since his master had kicked him into the corner of the platform they were standing on.

“Always a pleasure,” replied Galidor before plunging deeper into the mess.

The group waited several minutes before Galidor and Zub both surfaced and began making their way to the platform.

Rath also appeared, and seemed to be preparing to drag them both under. However, he was stopped by Ashleigh.

“Ghetsis, destroy!” she panted before clambering onto Rath’s back for safety.

“Ghetsis?” Corn asked. “Who’s that?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I meant….” she cleared her throat before spitting out a hairball. “Rath, you should do this.”

“SCHNITZEL DESTOY DEM!” Rath roared.

“Schnitzel?” Galidor asked. H turned around in a circle. “Say, where’s Schnitzel been? He hasn’t been interacting with us at all these last few chapters.”

“I’m right here.”

“Who said that?” Corn asked, looking around.

The goo encompassing the courtyard exploded as a giant, mutated figure exploded from it. “Right here,” it snarled before batting at the platform they were standing on. As soon as his giant hand made contact with the platform, it was sent careening into a wall, taking its occupants with it.

“Ow,” Death said, rubbing his head. Luckily they had managed to land on another platform instead of in the goo.

“Father!” protested Corn.

“You don’t have to die,” cooed Schnitzel. “You could join me.”

“And live my life as a yogurt mutant? NO thanks,” said Corn.

“THEN DIE!” roared Schnitzel as he body slammed the platform they were on.

“We need to leave sir,” said Tango as soon as they all resurfaced. “The entire compound is flooding with yogurt.”

“Escape you won’t!” snarled Schnitzel as he smashed a hand into the vile mix of yogurt and ooze, creating a tsunami that went both ways.

Once everyone was recovered, they began brainstorming.

“Pole vaulting!” suggested Death.

“Communism!” suggested Ran.

“Tunneling!” suggested Corn.

“Escaping on the risen yogurt!” suggested Corn.

“YOU MUST DIE!” decided Schnitzel, swinging another fist. “JOIN ME, <corn>, AND I’LL MAKE YOUR FACE THE GREATEST IN KORODAI!”

“OH no,” gasped Death.

“This is bad,” agreed Ran.

“Why? I’d rather like being the greatest face in… Korodai.”

“It’s not that,” gasped Ran. “It’s far worse! He’s got… THE CD-IRUS!”

“What?” asked Galidor.

“That goo must have infected him with CD-i,” said Death.

“Butt hose games were terrible!” Corn yelled.

“SQUADALA!” agreed Schnitzel.

“It can only get worse,” said Death grimly. “But on the bright side, he’ll die.”

“How is that the bright side?!” exclaimed Corn.

“He started PETA.”

“Good point.

“TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER!” yelled Schnitzel as he attempted to eat the heroes.

Zub sipped some lemonade, still thinking.

“This is horrid!” exclaimed Corn.

“I WONDER WHAT’S FOR DINNER?” wondered Schnitzel as he continued to attempt to eat the group.

Zub finally seemed to come up with an idea.

He grabbed Ran’s shoulders and made some gestures.

Ran nodded.

“What was he saying?” Death whispered to Ran.

“I have no idea!” Ran said honestly. Zub frowned.

AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT EXPLODEY

KAPSHROOOOOM
SHAMPOW
KABLIDDLYBABABBLEBOOM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub, Ran, Death, Galidor, and Corn all woke up on a beach and rubbed their heads.

“I feel like I should be mad at Eff Ecks for something,” moaned Ran.

“I just realized something,” frowned Galidor.

Death pulled his head out of the sand. :What is it?”

“We all have a new Pokémon, right?”

“Riiight….” confirmed the group, unsure of where this could be going.

Galidor walked over to Zub and punched his stupid face. “That’s for a week ago, bub!”

“Has it really been a week already?” wondered Ran.

“Yup,” confirmed Death. “And we’ve been wearing the same outfits the whole time….”

“Time for a wardrobe change,” said Corn. Everyone stared at him. “What? What is this, a video game or something?! This is real life!”

“When will he learn?” Ran wondered.
“It’s best not to let him know,” sighed Death.

Rotomknight
31st July 2012, 2:48 PM
I loved the iCarly reference.
*SPOiLER ALERT*
shampow
End alert.
I want corn to learn.

GalladeofSpades
31st July 2012, 6:39 PM
Zub pulled himself out of the water and flopped, chest up, onto the dock and panted heavily, trying to regain, air oxygen, and life.

Zub walked over to Zub with a puzzled look on his face.

Then the wet Zub gave the dry Zub a nice, big hug… and plunged into the ocean.

You're fueling the fangirls. The irrational yaoi ones.


Ashleigh made a strained face. “You can’t just leave like that…” she grumbled.

Corn turned to her and beamed. “Ma’am, which way to get out of here?”

Ashleigh shrugged. “Do you want the booby-trapped way or the non-booby trapped way?”

“Non-booby trapped way please.”

“Take a left as soon as you get into the walls of the wasteland,” she sighed reluctantly.

Corn merrily trotted in and took a left. Screams could be heard shortly after.

“Or maybe it was that way…” Ashleigh wondered, making an absent gesture in the entirely opposite direction.

“Thanks,” groaned Corn as he made his way in the other direction, his accompaniment cautiously following from a relatively safe distance.



Ran glared at the Golett. “It’s blue,” he said dejectedly.

Death smiled and shrugged. “Then I’ll catch it.”

Ran’s face declined. “No! There’s got to be a way around it…”

Death’s face was visibly smug. “Sorry, little buddy, but-“ he was interrupted as a man and a Vaporeon crashed into a large canister, releasing a large quantity of red spray onto Golett.

“Get…. Golt!” exclaimed Golett… as she noticed a Dustox flutter past before spontaneously combusting.

*slowly claps* Aren't Golett's genderless?


“It’s a bit… oblivious, wouldn’t you say?” asked Death.

“I don’t care, it’s red!” skittered Ran gleefully before glaring at the noise he apparently made.

“Tantum, devolve into Eevee then go into Espeon mode. We can kill these guys with fun,” whispered Dr. Zubious. He turned to the nothing. “Stop narrating what is supposed to be a secret!” he demanded.


Zubious is a cheating bastard!


“Pokéball, go!” cried out Ran, throwing a Premier Ball he had obtained FREE ABSOLUTELY FREEE WITH THE PURCHASE OF TEN POKéBALLS OR MORE AT YOUR LOCAL POKéMART ABSOLUTELY FREEE

THIS WAS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT BY DEVON

Devon co-owns the world with Silph.


Ran, Death, Galidor and Corn hopped into the monster truck. All of their details were greatly exaggerated; each had blossoming muscles, vivid facial expressions, and extremely highly detailed eyes.

“Hurry up, they are gaining on us!” Galidor called from the trunk to Ran, who was driving in a decidedly Japanese accent.

“I am accelerating!” cried out Ran, slamming his foot down on the pedal.

“Espeon!” cried out a pink, two-tailed kitsune with a ruby encrusted between its eyes as it leaped out from behind a wall of smashed auto parts and used its Psychic abilities to fling shrapnel at the quartet.

“Cossacka!” Death yelled. “Speed up, and I will charge up my abilities!” yelled Galidor.

The monster truck took on a purge of speed and sped onwards.

“Charging!” roared Galidor in power.

“This fic is so stupid,” muttered Corn offhandedly.

Espeon, upon noticing that her shrapnel were doing no harm, she focused and made her tail blow with a brilliant, metallic hue.

“Now would be a great time to activate,” Corn growled to Galidor, who was happy to oblige.

“Powering up to SUPER SHAMAN!” he yelled as he rose up in a brilliant sphere of golden light.

“Where’d his shirt go?” Corn asked in bewilderment as the light faded away, revealing Galidor’s very pulled up pants and his abnormally buff biceps. Espeon’s Iron Tail made contact but bounced off with a dull paonk.

Ran twitched at the helm of the car.

“SUPER SHAMAN LASER!” cried out Galidor as the light returned, though it was now heavily focused towards the front. Espeon barely had time to throw up a feeble Light Screen before the light concentrated so heavily it shot a powerful blast at Espeon, knocking it out.

The monster truck exploded.

Fin.

Crap.


“Even humour!”

“Humour?” asked Death skeptically.

“Yes. Why did the Torchic cross the road?”

“Why?” asked Ran.

CALCULATING… ANSWER: A HOLE IN THE BOTTOM OF ZE SEA

A laugh track was cued.

“Our laugh track and automated answering systems are French?” asked the Author. “Well, that’s new.”

Honhonhonhon~! <--- laughing like a french person. <----- doing it horribly wrong


“What’s a French? And what’s a fic? My head is so confused…” moaned Corn, rubbing his temples.

“If I wasn’t wearing this costume I’d kill you,” commented Death.

“Welcome to the world of the future!” grinned the Author. “Good job, Machiavelli.”

A goldfish in a small glass bowl nearby did absolutely nothing to acknowledge his acknowledgement.

“That’s my fish,” sighed the Author, wiping a tear from his eyes before disappearing.

Pffft. xD


Zub pulled himself onto the dock, gasping for air. His instincts told him he had to destroy this faculty. First, he needed a way to transport himself with ease.

He threw a Pokéball and immediately Tango understood what he wanted.

‘Motorized Pogo Stick form activating, sir,” he hummed. He stretched his two arms out to the either side and positioned his body so he was looking down. His face slid down and elongated down a pole trailed by his nose, until he resembled a rather strange pogo stick.

“Transition complete” Tango hummed. “Go on, get on.”


transformers, YEAAAAAAAAAAAA *stabbed*


Zub shrugged and clambered onto his Pokémon. Getting into the swing of things, he began bouncing around merrily. His next step; to further destroy this place. It was already in ruins from not only its age and discrepancy, but Rick’s bomb run helped no further. He had to figure out how to shut of the Drone production lines….

As he leaped over the tall walls separating the main area from the dock, a drone few past him, did a double take, and grew arms. The taloned limbs of machinery attempted to do either what seemed to be moving to drill his eyes out or to do the classic “Got your nose!” gambit.

Eventually growing tired of the situation, the drone gave up and released a large, bladed mole Pokémon.

“Excadrill, the Large Bladed Mole Pokémon,[i]” confirmed Tango helpfully. “[i]Excadrill uses its claws to viciously dig holes. No one knows why it digs so many holes or why it does so with such passion, but it is a frightening sight.”

Right on cue, the Excadrill bent over and began digging with an enormous fervor. The drone starting buzzing and humming angrily, but as it was not set to Attack or Protect mode, the Excadrill had no intention of obeying.

Suddenly, two more drones heard all the racket and flew over. Immediately they spotted Zub, who had by now dismounted his pogo stick. One immediately released a purple Rattata and the other a large, blue toad Pokémon with a flower sprouting from its back.

“Rattata and Venusaur,” sung Tango. “Rattata are known for their purple hue and are known to taste amazing when flambéed over a low fire for a half hour. Venusaur are typically lazy, but when the time calls, they still do not fight. Rather, they abandon their homes and play poker and drink until late at night.”

Zub shrugged and sent Derpy Moos forward while Tango returned itself to its battling state. Zub gave a series of short hand gestures and both knew what to do immediately. Tango flew over to the duo of vicious Pokémon, where it assaulted Venusaur with a series of rapid, vicious punches making up Bullet Punch.

Derpy Moos curled up into a ball, where a steady crust formed over her, making her indistinguishable from any boulder. She then proceeded to ram into Rattata with a sharp “Moo!” Rattata took considerable damage and was flung into a wall, but still somehow managed to feebly stand up.

The first security drone whirred for a moment in thought, and Rattata glared at Derpy, who suddenly seemed to have the same amount of hit points as Rattata.

“Look out Zub, it’s a FEAR Rattata!” warned Tango without missing a beat. Zub nodded and told Derpy to unleash a Quick Attack, knocking out Rattata instantly.

Zub nodded to Tango, who finished his assault with a final Meteor Mash before knocking out Venusaur. Both of the controlling drones exploded immediately and the third one fled on sight.

“How random,” noted Tango as the he transformed back into a pogo stick.

I must commend you for writing this very serious setting. Lilycove sounds apocalyptic, plus, aside the pokédex entries, the entire battle scene left me without giggles.


“What’s this one called?” Death asked as he peered at a barking, striped wolf or something.

“Zigzagoon, the TinyRaccoon Pokémon,” clarified Ran’s Pokédex data banks.

“Wait, TinyRaccoon?” asked Death in surprise. “No spaces?”

“None,” shrugged Ran.

“Lame,” sighed Death as he punted the Zigzagoon.

“I found one!” called out Galidor. Everyone went to see what it was.
“I know that one,” noted Ran. “It’s Jynx.”

“It’s an abomination,” corrected Death.

“Jynx,” Jynx countered icily.

A laugh track was cued for that terrible, terrible pun.


Honhonhon~!


The Jynx rushed forward and smacked Death’s chest. Being a Pikachu, instead of being killed, she was involuntarily sucked in.

“Oh no,” he groaned in despair. “Seriously?!”

“Seriously,” affirmed Ran. “My Pokédex confirms it’s yours now.”

“Guess that means we’ll look for a Pokémon for me then!” grinned Corn as he merrily skipped away.

“I’ll nickname you Suckish,” Death muttered angrily to where his stomach should be. “Because you suck.”

Liez. Jynx be awesome.


“Well, this sucks,” muttered Dr. Zubious to Tantem. “Tantem, return.”

He looked around. His genetically modified destroyer of doom was not working for once… he’d have to fix that later.

But right now those insolent brats were doing nothing to help him.

He held a Pokéball aloft and studied it.

“Go, Regigas!” he yelled as a white golem with yellow armour and ancient moss growing on it materialized. “Destroy them,” he commanded to it.

“Carry me,” the Regigigas moaned.

“Stop being so lazy,” scowled the doctor.

... That's an interesting way of how Slow Start works.


Zub bounced on his transformed robot motorized pogo stick happily, looking for the wasteland’s control system. Why?

So he could blow it up.

He sang a little song as he bounced. It went to the tune of “Jingle Chingling”.

It went as follows;

“… … …
… … …
… … … …
… … … … … … … …”

And so on, as Zub is mute.

He still sings better than Bieber.


Eventually, he made his way to a large inconspicuous building with a poster in the front. It read


WARNING
THERE IS NOTHING BEHIND THE POSTER
THE BUILDING IS A PURSE
AND ALL THAT IS BEHIND POSTER
IS A FERALIGATR PIT

Zub recognized the trick from when he stopped the Mafia. There was a lever behind the poster, he knew. He jumped through the poster to reach the lever…

…and promptly fell in a Feraligatr pit. “Why do they even have this? In a purse, no less,” grumbled Tango as they entered into a room marked “Control Room” in the pit.

*slowly claps. again.*


Regigas lazily swung a fist. “En garde,” it drawled.

“This is it!” snapped Dr. Zubious. “Why won’t any of my Pokémon just kill you heroes already?!”

Death turned around in surprise. “You were trying to kill us?”

“Maybe you’re failing because you spend too much time dancing?” asked Regigigas with a laugh.

“Wait, what?” asked Ran.

Regigigas turned to him. “Yup. He wanted his official title to be DDR. Zubious.”

“Shut up!” cried out the doctor in protest.

“OH MAI ARCEUS YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE!” Regigas cried.

“Fine. You’re not seeing that by on Friday the,” Dr. Zubious glared, turning his back.

Regigas turned around with a huff, visibly tearing up.

“So… do we win?” asked Galidor with a smile. “If not, I have the perfect weapon!”


I'm... not sure what just happened here.


“No!” laughed Galidor, smacking Dogars away like a dodgeball, its purple figure bouncing away. “I meant my new Venipede, Vidi Vici!”

Death raised an eyebrow… skull area… thing. “Is that a reference to what I think it is?”

Ran burst into tears.

“Poor guy,” Corn sighed.


Is it a good thing I don't get the reference?


“No matter!” exclaimed Dr. Zubious. “I still have my secret weapon! Caffeininator, go!” He pulled out a large Medigun, and primed it at Regigigas.

“No… no no no no NOOOOOOOOOOO” Regigas creamed as the pulses emitted by the Medigun struck her. After a moment, it ended, and she collapsed.

Her head perked up.

“Co…. co…” she mumbled.

“What’s that?” Ran asked.

She got to her knees and began shaking. “COFFEEE!” she screamed maniacally, breaking through her robotic monotone.


REGIGIGAS ON CAFFEINE. YOU SHALL NEVER SURVIVE.


“Ooo, this’ll be fun,” Dr. Zubious decided as he clapped his hands together. “Like that time I disguised myself as a Rent-a-Clown, infiltrated that kid’s birthday party, popped his balloons, ate his cake, and then made off with all the doorknobs in his house!”


This is a reference, I'm sure of it. I just can't remember where it's from.


“Wait!” screamed Corn in protest, halting both attackers. “We needed money, so I hooked us up with a sponsor that’s due to air any minute now!”

The Author came in. “You got us money?” he asked perkily.

“Yup,” grinned Corn, handing the Author a large wad of cash. “Their ratings were huge, and they wanted to expand their broadcast.”

“Well, I just hope it’s not-“


Confessions of a Gym Leader
With our host, all the way from Sinnoh, Kinsey!!

IT'S OPRAH.


“Hello folks, and welcome back to Confessions of a Gym Leader, where we interview various gym leaders from all around the world! First off, we have Skyla, from… who cares! And here she is!” Kinsey smiled warmly in a fake, plastic manner.

A woman with long, auburn hair stepped onto the stage and bowed, revealing her rather tight pilot’s uniform. She sat in the plush recliner provided for her.

“Hello Skyla!” Kinsey said, shaking the woman’s hand. “How nice it is to see you today! What is your problem?” Kinsey asked, never once stopping smiling.

Skyla gulped. “Well, the doctors said I have a fixation with watching trainers be hurled into walls…” she mumbled.

Kinsey made a ssch, ssch, noise while shaking her head (much to Ran’s chagrin), never once ceasing to smile. “And what makes him say that?” she finally asked.

Skyla smiled guiltily. “The cannons and fans in my gym are aimed just so that the trainers would collide into walls. It makes me laugh. Like this, watch,” she stood up and inhaled sharply. Her eyes glowed red as she threw her arms into the air. “MWAHAHAHAHA!” she laughed, lightning flashing.

“My, my,” noted Kinsey, never losing a beat. “That is quite the problem. Anyway, before we continue, let’s meet our next gym leaders! Leaders, come on up and say your problem!”

A tall, attractive-looking male with spiky brown hair and a leather jacket walked onto the scene. “Hi, my name is Blue and people always get my name wrong with some horrid rubbish a new trainer thrust onto me,” he shrugged before sitting down on a recliner.

A tall, gruff-looking man wearing lederhosen, sporting a wicked beard walked in. “Hello. My name is Drayden, and I think my beard is trying to take over my mind and the world.”

“Don’t listen to him!” his beard hissed.

The fouth and final person walked onstage. “I’m Whitney!” she smiled. “My Psychiatrist sent me here after making too many terainers cry WITH THE UNHOLY POWER OF MY DEVESTATING MILTANK MOOHAHAHAHA! Oh, and thanks for having me here.”

“Excellent to see you all!” Kinsey grinned. “First question; how many fanfiction can you name?”

“The Journey of Journeyness!” called Blue.

“The Jirachi Battalion,” noted Drayden.

“Wendistop,” added Skyla.

“Operation COG,” said Whitney.

“Very good,” nodded Kinsey. “That is the first step to accepting.”

“Accepting what?” asked Blue.

“YOUR DEMISE,” hissed Drayden’s beard, tentacles whipping the air.

“Shut up, beard!” Drayden cried in angst.

“My cow will crush you all!” Whitney proclaimed.

“I swear to Arceus if I don’t smash you all into walls…” Skyla growled.

“I’ll rummage through your dead meat-parcels and consume your bones, feasting on their delighted marrow!” cackled Drayden’s beard.

“Beard!” Drayden whined in desperation.

“♫♪Sooooooaring through the skiiiiiiies, smashing into waaaaaals♫♪” sang Skyla.

“What’s up, Che-“ began Whitney.

“That’s not my name!” screamed Blue.

“SHUT UP!” yelled Kinsey, finally breaking her smile. “You’re all INSANE! I can’t handle you all! Just shut up, go home, and leap off a bridge or something!”

“Unova has a lot of bridges,” noted Skyla.

“Malfunction detected.” screamed a robotic voice as Kinsey spontaneously combusted. “Malfunction ceased.”


And thus Ends Confessions of a Gym Leader. We will probably never air again after this, being the third time this has happened.


Again, this sounds like something I'd put on That Show.


Deploying Surprise Defense in 10…

The monotonous timer had gone off. Zub was smashing buttons with Tango’s pogo stick form.

It wasn’t working as well as he had hoped.

9…

As the time rushed past his ears, he beat all the cntrols harder, damaging them far beyond repair.

8…

That didn’t work either. Time for a new plan.

7…

“Go fish,” sighed Tango as he tossed down a playing card. This wasn’t working wither.

6…

Tango was using Psychic to smash Zub into various pieces of electronic equipment to no avail.

5…

“And then Justy whispered…” Ashleigh stopped as she noticed the two people in the room. “Hey, you two!”

4…

“Do you suppose you could help us turn off the surprise?” Tango asked.

3…

“Sure, if we had controls to turn them off,” said Ashleigh as she rolled her eyes.

“KILL THEM?” asked Rath.

2….

“No! We need to leave before the surprise is deployed!” Ashleigh yelled, but it was too late.

Deploying surprise.

Several thousand pounds of yogurt was dropped on all present in the Control Room.

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting that. Was expecting something like confetti, but not yogurt.


“NOOOOOOO!” screamed Ashleigh. “It’s so low in fat!”

“MY WEEKNEH!” roared Rath as he thrashed about before disappearing in the tsunami of low-fat creamy treat.

Zub sat there and blinked as his face was covered in the yogurt.

“This is just like that horror film we watched last night.”sighed Tango.



What did Rath say?


Death pushed Regigigas over. “This may not kill it but it’s down at last!” he panted.

Then Dr. Zubious came back, this time wearing a mask. “Wow, look at this neat mask!” he exclaimed. “Anyway, where were we-“

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” Corn calmly screamed.

Ran turned around. “What is i- AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” he placidly shrieked.

Death yawned.

“What’s wrong?” Galidor asked.

Ran and Corn whimpered and pointed at the doctor’s mask.

“That’s terrible!”

“I have to hide before he eats me!” Corn said.

“What?” Dr. Zubious asked in confusion.

The watchtower behind them exploded.

Nearby, several platforms above the goo exploded. The goo exploded too, but it doesn’t have feelings, so we won’t worry about that.

The tower, on the other hand, was mentally screaming, “WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIIIIIS.”


You shall be missed, Tower.


“Ghetsis, destroy!” she panted before clambering onto Rath’s back for safety.

“Ghetsis?” Corn asked. “Who’s that?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I meant….” she cleared her throat before spitting out a hairball. “Rath, you should do this.”

“SCHNITZEL DESTOY DEM!” Rath roared.

“Schnitzel?” Galidor asked. H turned around in a circle. “Say, where’s Schnitzel been? He hasn’t been interacting with us at all these last few chapters.”

“I’m right here.”

I was wondering where he was.

“Who said that?” Corn asked, looking around.


The goo encompassing the courtyard exploded as a giant, mutated figure exploded from it. “Right here,” it snarled before batting at the platform they were standing on. As soon as his giant hand made contact with the platform, it was sent careening into a wall, taking its occupants with it.

Final Boss: Ghestis- I mean Schnitzel- I mean Goo monster.


“Ow,” Death said, rubbing his head. Luckily they had managed to land on another platform instead of in the goo.

“Father!” protested Corn.

“You don’t have to die,” cooed Schnitzel. “You could join me.”

“And live my life as a yogurt mutant? NO thanks,” said Corn.

“THEN DIE!” roared Schnitzel as he body slammed the platform they were on.

“We need to leave sir,” said Tango as soon as they all resurfaced. “The entire compound is flooding with yogurt.”

“Escape you won’t!” snarled Schnitzel as he smashed a hand into the vile mix of yogurt and ooze, creating a tsunami that went both ways.


Is that even possible?


Once everyone was recovered, they began brainstorming.

“Pole vaulting!” suggested Death.

“Communism!” suggested Ran.

“Tunneling!” suggested Corn.

“Escaping on the risen yogurt!” suggested Corn.


FIRE THE GUNS TEXAS STYLE!... No? Fine.


“YOU MUST DIE!” decided Schnitzel, swinging another fist. “JOIN ME, <corn>, AND I’LL MAKE YOUR FACE THE GREATEST IN KORODAI!”

“OH no,” gasped Death.

“This is bad,” agreed Ran.

“Why? I’d rather like being the greatest face in… Korodai.”

“It’s not that,” gasped Ran. “It’s far worse! He’s got… THE CD-IRUS!”

“What?” asked Galidor.

“That goo must have infected him with CD-i,” said Death.

“Butt hose games were terrible!” Corn yelled.

“SQUADALA!” agreed Schnitzel.

“It can only get worse,” said Death grimly. “But on the bright side, he’ll die.”

“How is that the bright side?!” exclaimed Corn.

“He started PETA.”

“Good point.


YAY MORE PETA BASHING


“TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER TOASTER!” yelled Schnitzel as he attempted to eat the heroes.

Zub sipped some lemonade, still thinking.

“This is horrid!” exclaimed Corn.

“I WONDER WHAT’S FOR DINNER?” wondered Schnitzel as he continued to attempt to eat the group.


If you managed to eat them, Raw Heroes.


Zub finally seemed to come up with an idea.

He grabbed Ran’s shoulders and made some gestures.

Ran nodded.

“What was he saying?” Death whispered to Ran.

“I have no idea!” Ran said honestly. Zub frowned.

AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT EXPLODEY

KAPSHROOOOOM
SHAMPOW
KABLIDDLYBABABBLEBOOM

*pressed a button* Oops.


Death pulled his head out of the sand. :What is it?”

Needs quotation mark before the 'what'.


“We all have a new Pokémon, right?”

“Riiight….” confirmed the group, unsure of where this could be going.

Galidor walked over to Zub and punched his stupid face. “That’s for a week ago, bub!”

“Has it really been a week already?” wondered Ran.

“Yup,” confirmed Death. “And we’ve been wearing the same outfits the whole time….”

“Time for a wardrobe change,” said Corn. Everyone stared at him. “What? What is this, a video game or something?! This is real life!”

“When will he learn?” Ran wondered.
“It’s best not to let him know,” sighed Death.

... Dang, Galidor has issues.

Suuuuuuuure, Corn..... It's real life...

Great chapters as always.

Z-nogyroP
1st August 2012, 2:34 AM
Aaaaand, I can't respond, because you blew up my mind with the awesomeness.

KABOOM
EXPLODIEDODIE
BOOMSHAKALAKA

Well, keep up the good work, I guess. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, so see ya later, I guess.

Zibdas
2nd August 2012, 8:01 AM
I loved the iCarly reference.
*SPOiLER ALERT*
shampow
End alert.
I want corn to learn.
I knew that sound effect was too good to be original. Also, Corn will never learn. HE IS MY IGNORANT MONKEY


You're fueling the fangirls. The irrational yaoi ones.
Those are the only fans I wouldn't mind Gun shooting.
Gun: How do I shot gun
YOU'RE DEAD TO ME


*slowly claps* Aren't Golett's genderless?
Ah.... *thinks of reasonable excuse for ignorance* This Golett, Kalinka, is so ignorant and blissful she didn't know that.


Zubious is a cheating bastard!
"What did you expect?"
GET OUT OF HERE


Devon co-owns the world with Silph.
A beautiful world.


Honhonhonhon~! <--- laughing like a french person. <----- doing it horribly wrong
Could be worse?


Pffft. xD
I waited for you to all forget, then I pounced!C Rawr!


transformers, YEAAAAAAAAAAAA *stabbed*
Kniiiiife, not you too! >:u


I must commend you for writing this very serious setting. Lilycove sounds apocalyptic, plus, aside the pokédex entries, the entire battle scene left me without giggles.
Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, but thanks.


Liez. Jynx be awesome.
*cough*


... That's an interesting way of how Slow Start works.
Turns Regigigas into a defiant, lazy teenage girl? How else would it work?


He still sings better than Bieber.
That's a given.


*slowly claps. again.*
sloooow mooooooo


I'm... not sure what just happened here.
Neither am I.


Is it a good thing I don't get the reference?
Nothing wrong either way; it's from a great game with one impossibly hard level.


REGIGIGAS ON CAFFEINE. YOU SHALL NEVER SURVIVE.
I tremble to think what coke or something would do...


This is a reference, I'm sure of it. I just can't remember where it's from.
Not that I'm aware, though the doorknob bit did come from a friend of mine.



IT'S OPRAH.
POKéPRAH


Again, this sounds like something I'd put on That Show.
I'll take that as a compliment, so... thanks! Always wanted to write a talk show, and I'll probably write more in the future.



I'll admit, I wasn't expecting that. Was expecting something like confetti, but not yogurt.
Confetti is not low in fat. That could be problematic for anyone who wants to eat anything that is dropped on their face.


What did Rath say?
Weakness. It's one of his very few weaknesses; low-fat yogurt dwindles away his strength.


You shall be missed, Tower.
*salute*


I was wondering where he was.

“Who said that?” Corn asked, looking around.
That was intentional. Also, GO AWAY CORN


Final Boss: Ghestis- I mean Schnitzel- I mean Goo monster.
http://t.qkme.me/3q1j8s.jpg


Is that even possible?
What?


FIRE THE GUNS TEXAS STYLE!... No? Fine.
There is no Texas in Pogeyland


YAY MORE PETA BASHING
With a mallet!


If you managed to eat them, Raw Heroes.
So unsanitary.


*pressed a button* Oops.
No one can blame you.


Needs quotation mark before the 'what'.
Thanks.



... Dang, Galidor has issues.

Suuuuuuuure, Corn..... It's real life...

Great chapters as always.
To be fair, Zub did kill him.


Aaaaand, I can't respond, because you blew up my mind with the awesomeness.

KABOOM
EXPLODIEDODIE
BOOMSHAKALAKA

Well, keep up the good work, I guess. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, so see ya later, I guess.
Some is better than none~

Zibdas
5th August 2012, 4:34 AM
Chapter 25: Something Else
“What dooooo?” groaned Gary Stu, bored.

“We could listen around,” mused Miror B. “And look for ways to commit evil!”

The group admitted there was no better plan so they followed along.

Somewhere an explosion rocked the ground.

“From the sounds of it, a Cossack Blaster,” said Eff Ecks. “They must have made it to that… place.”

“Say, why did we help them again?” asked Mary Sue, who was promptly ignored.

“Shhh,” prompted Miror B. “I hear something.”

The four leaned over.

Down on the base of the cliff they were standing on, they heard two voices.

“So the new drones will arrive soon, if Ashleigh doesn’t screw up,” Matrin said pleasantly. Bel grinned beside him.

Suddenly a phone rang.

Matrin lifted up his hat, revealing his strawberry-blonde, pulled back hair once more as he sheepishly smiled. “One moment,” he said apologetically, as h4e pulled a banana out of his hat. “Yello,” he said, answering the phone while peeling the banana somewhat.

A voice recognizable to no one but Mary Sue, Matrin, and Bel came off the other line. “Cut the chatter, Matrin,” it snapped.

Matrin rolled his eyes and pulled a Pidove out of his hat in frustration. “What do you need, doctor?”

“There are reports from the television set that a woman named Gabby has been infected with Gary Oak powers.”

“Your point being?” Matrin sighed as he twirled a cane, unintentionally obliterating all Pikachu in an alternate dimension.

“I need you to assassinate her and recover her powers. It could be a useful asset to us.”

Matrin gave a reluctant nod. “We’ll be right on it.”

“Did you hear that?” Miror B. giddily whispered to the other AFROs. “We need to stop them! New Hoenn is our turf to destroy!”

Mary Sue looked around. “I thought he was dead,” she whispered hoarsely.

No one heard her. Obviously.

Eff Ecks smashed a fist into his palm. “I’ve got the boombox,” he grinned, reaching into Miror B.’s afro.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe he would give us work on our day off,” scowled Matrin. Bel slugged him in the gut.

“At least we’ll get to destroy stuff this time,” she shrugged.

Suddenly music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IA0w5YOw1s) began blaring as the valley they were walking down began to be filled with smoke.

“You dare trespass our turf?!” boomed a disembodied voice.

“Oh, cool,” grinned Matrin. “I bet this is like West Side Story. Turf wars, fighting, happy! The mafia!” he practically sung.

“Prepare to be disintegrated!” a new voice chanted in tune with the music.

“Oh, joy,” grumbled Bel, drawing out both katana.

“Prepare to meat…” commanded a notably more feminine voice.

“There’s a typo,” Matrin noted. The Author is so lazy he’d rather write this sentence explaining how lazy he is than to fix it, though.

“TEAM AFRO!” bellowed another voice.

Bel blinked. Matrin thrinked.

Miror B. burst out of a trapdoor in the ground.

“How did we not notice that trap door in the middle of the path?” Matrin whispered t6o Bel.

Miror B. ceased his actionate pose and starting rubbing his afro. “Am I…. uh…. was I interrupting something between you two? If so, I’ll just leave now, because if I ever saw her again and we were inter-“

Bel smacked Matrin with the blunt of her sword. “What are you talking about?!”

Miror B. shrugged. “A boy… a girl… alone…” he trailed off serendipitously.

“What is wrong with you?!” Bel demanded as her magician friend struggled to scrape himself off the pathway.

Miror B. whistled, tapping his toe to the music. “Nothing to hide if it’s not hidden.”

Bel’s face turned an enraged shade of plum as she rushed towards him, abandoning thought for once. Right as she got close, she lashed out with her blades, though Miror B. was able to jump out of the way.

Mostly.

A single, crimson, curly hair released itself from Miror B.’s afro, swaying gently in the light breeze until it hit the ground.

Miror B. stared at it.

“Oh no,” gasped the collective gasp of the other AFROs.

“Ha! You cannot stand to the might of my katana!” Bel laughed. Matrin had disappeared.

“Yo, evil lady!” Gary Stu called to her. Run!”

“Why would I, the grea-“ she began before Miror B.’s head shot up and stared her right in the eye. Even with his sunglasses she could feel his gaze drilling into her.

The boom box broke. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjXjV4Wa5Z8)

“You….” Miror B. began. Bel noticed that his zesty disco, studded suit was now a dangerous hue of royal purple. Wasn’t it yellow before?

“Me?” she stammered. His sunglasses morphed into a wrathful, glaring position.

“Yes,” confirmed Miror B., who was straightening out.

“Run!” Eff Ecks practically screamed, attempting to urge Bel onwards.

“It’s Miror Boogie Fervor forme!” cried out Gary Stu.

“Suddenly Miror Boogie Fervor grew to several times its original size as its afro inflated to several times the size of his body.

“Prepare to meet your demise at the hands of disco…. a DISCO DEMISE!” Miror B. roared, Afro taking full control over his body.

“Dag nabbit,” whimpered Bel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ty looked at Gabby. “Please stop sniffing me,” he moaned as she went up and down his arm with her nose.

Gabby looked up and scoffed. “Well, I better bolt before I catch loser-it is” she taunted before fleeing.

“Wait, Gabby!” Ty protested as she ran off.

“Go, Arcanine!” she laughed, tying a rope into its mouth. She strapped on some roller blades and grabbed the other end of the rope. “Let’s roll!” she yelled as the Arcanine took off, ruining the hallway of Hoenn TV.

Mary Sue and Gary Stu suddenly appeared

“Stop, Gabby!” Mary Sue called. “We’re hetre to protect you!”

“I’m not convinced,” said Gabby, waving them off. “Maybe you should let your stomach do the talking!”

“That… doesn’t make sense,” squinted Gary Stu.

“Smell ya later!” Gabby yelled as she took off once more, the AFRO duo giving pursuit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“38 seconds so far!” Eff Ecks called to Bel, who was frantically weaving through Miror Boogie Fervor’s legs in an attempt not to die.

“Longer than I survived in the Super Gravitron,” she grunted, rolling in between a particularly tight space. “Time for my secret weapon!” she cried out. “Even with Matrin gone to assassinate, I’ll win!”

“How do you figure?” Eff Ecks asked in blatant curiosity, tilting his head.

“My secret weapon,” came the response as she grinned. She dug through a satchel and withdrew a Master Ball. “Go, Waluigi!’

“Waa,” pronounced a tall, lanky purple plumber. (as in, his clothes were purple, not he –the Author)

“Waluigi, destroy!” Bel declared victoriously as she made her escape./

“Waa!” yelled Waluigi as he threw himself at Miror Boogie Fervor. Eff Ecks made a last-minute decision to pursue Bel.

“You won’t catch me,” she taunted as she ran, holding both katana and her arms out behind her, leaping expertly around the canyon like a ninja.

“If I had my Typewriter than I could make some annoying sound effects,” he swore.

“Typewriter, you say?” Bel asked in mild interest, slowing down her pace. “Tell me more.”

“I’m not sure that would be appropriate, seeing as how-“ he stopped as a katana landed right in front of him, just barely missing his flesh. He changed his mind.

“Each author has a Typewriter that enables them to well… type out their designated duty.”

“Is that it?”

“Pretty much.”

Bel rubbed her palms together. “Excellent. I’m going to require one, however.”

“No need,” Eff Ecks said, giving a rather charming smile to emblazon his point.

“How do you figure?”

“I was only a distraction,” Eff Ecks shrugged. “Lady, meet the wonderful Glitter!”

Nothing happened.

Bel glanced around. “Is that it?”

Then they heard screaming as Glitter jumped over a cliff wall, firing from a rather large crossbow at Bel’s position.

“Aiiiieeeeee!” she shrieked as she approached rapidly, firing all the while. Bel had to leap around non-stop to evade the onslaught.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where’d she run off to now?” scowled Gary Stu as they surveyed the damage.

“I’m going to have to ask you guys to leave,” said Matrin, approaching from behind.

“Or what?!” demanded Mary Sue strangely defiant despite her powers still missing.

Matrin turned to her and smoothed back his longish hair. “Or I’m going to have to call up Jack Black, and he’ll look for octagons,” he said suggestively.

Mary Sue slapped him across the face while Gary Stu advanced menacingly. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he growled.

“Exactly as it does,” said Matrin smoothly, shuffling a pack of cards idly. Randomly, he stuck his hand out to the side.

He raised an eyebrow and gave a two-fingered salute as an Arcanine came running by, right into Matrin’s hand where he was able to hitch a ride.

“Smell ya later!” he taunted as Arcanine took off.

“Dag nabbit,” swore Gary Stu. “Where are all the workers in the station though? Surely they could help us…”

A producer past them. “Meh….” he drawled, spiffy suit almost sparkly clean. “We launched a brick into space, so everyone’s all concerned about that.”

Eff Ecks ran up. “Where are they?” he asked, panting.

“They smelt us later,” sniveled Mary Sue.

“They went that way,” said Gary Stu, pointing off in a corner.

Eff Ecks pulled a small yellow star with eyes out of his coat. “Yu know, some day, we’re going to stop relying on things we didn’t create to do stuff,” he sighed as he ate it. His body began glowing purple and his eyes shne a malicious yellow.

“A Starman? Really?” the Author asked Rick.

“Some day, we’ll stop relying on things like these,” Rick sighed dreamily.

“I AM BULLETPROOOOOOF!” roared Eff Ecks as he headed after Matrin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bel ran as fast as she could through the Lilycovian outskirts, aiming t catch up to and assist Matrin, when she bumped into a woman dressed in long, maroon robes.

“I know you!” she yelled. “You’re Amisa Anima!”

The woman named Amisa Anima paused. “Do I know you?” she asked with a blank look.

“I’m your successor,” Bel said proudly.

“They finally found someone else to hunt after the lost Houndoom?” Amisa asked dreamily.

“Don’t be stupid,” scowled Bel. “I work for It since you quite after Eff Ecks abandoned our cause.”

Amisa forced her eyes into focus without much success “Our cause, of what? Destruction?”

Bel shrugged. “I mostly do it because it’s fun.”

Amisa stared intently into her eyes. After a long pause, she finally quietly murmured, “This is why I quit working for It. I fund something that could benefit everyone.”

“Don’t tell me you joined those hipster cultists….!” Bel gasped. Amisa merely shrugged and skipped away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We have you now!” Eff Ecks laughed as he approached Matrin, doo-dee-ee-dee-dooing all the while.

“Smell ya… now!” yelled Gabby as she leapt ff of her Arcanine.

…and onto Eff Ecks’ face.

“Argh get her off!” yelled Eff Ecks as she attempted to peel her off.

“Lavender… orange… fruitcake!” Gabby declared triumphantly as Eff Ecks collided into a wall, slumping into unconsciousness.

Now’s my chance!” yelled Matrin, who made a mad dash for Gabby, drawing out his violin bow once more. Gabby, somehow detecting this, leapt out f the way.

“A true Oak,” whistled Mary Sue. “Always one step ahead.”

“Come with us, Gabby!” called Gary Stu. “We’ll protect you!”

“I would never g anywhere with you losers,” scoffed Gabby.

“It’ll bring you even farther ahead of Ash,” Mary Sue suggested.

“We’ll bring your cheerleading squad,” offered Gary Stu.

“Ugh, fine. I’m in,” submitted Gabby as she took off with the two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is nice,” said Miror B., who had calmed down substantially as he sipped his tea.

“Waa,” Waluigi agreed as he lit an ant on fire via magnifying glass.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bearded mentor walked up to the group randomly.

“It’s dangerous to go alo-“ he began before looking around. “Where’s the mute guy?”

Elsewhere, Galidor was sitting on Zub’s chest, repeatedly punching Zub’s face.

“No matter,” waved the old guy. “I’m Mentor Matatatatamatatmamata.”

Death paused a beat. “You’re a mentor…”

“Yes,” confirmed Mentor.

“…And your name is Mentor?”

“What else would it be?” Mentor mused. “I’m exactly what it says on the tin.”

“You could have, you know, a real name…” Death trailed off.

Mentor ceased there. “They are preparing a big assault!”

“But we just destroyed their factory…” mumbled Ran.

“That was a diversion to keep you away while they prepared their secret weapon and made extra drones.”

“What are they planning?” asked Death.

“I don’t know, but they made a large war machine.”

“Then we’ll need transportation. We’ll mount a huge assault,” grinned Ran.

“We’ll need weapons! You can do anything with weapons!” exclaimed Death, grin broadening every second.

“So we’ll need an assault ship with lots of weapons…. know any?” Ran asked Mentor.

“Hey guys? Did you forget about me?” asked Corn. Everyone ignored him.

“Now that I think about it…” Death started slowly. “Whatever happened to the Miror Battleship?”

Ran shrugged. “It crashed near Ever Grande City, why woul- ooohhhh.” Realization crept onto Ran’s face like a spider would were he asleep, since spiders are naturally attracted to Ran.

“And I bet we could use Eff Ecks’ blimp for more fun,” said Death, who was swarming in possibility. “Maybe we should split up temporarily. I’ll get weapons, Ran gets the Battleship, and Zub does….” he glanced behind him to see Zub getting pummeled. “He’ll be Zub,” Death finished.

“What time do they unleash the war machine?” asked Ran. “And where?”

“The Titanic Tower, just south of here,” said the Mentor. “And they launch in three days.”

“Titanic Tower? That’s a bit… uncreative,” noted Death.

“This just seems like an easy way for the Author to progress the plot with no hassle,” scowled Ran. “At least we get to break stuff this time.”

Rotomknight
8th August 2012, 12:25 AM
This is good as always.
However you need to make this a little moreflent.
It's hard to read with the abrupt changes.

Zibdas
11th August 2012, 8:29 PM
ACT II

Sorry about the lack of chapters, it’s just that the absence of comments last chapter was…. discouraging
Chapter 26: Musicular Assault

“Okay,” said Death, drawing out a map of Lilycove. “I’ll get…. weapons…” he spoke the last word as though he were in ecstasy. “And maybe have some fun along the way. Right now we’re outside of Lilycove Arcade, and there’s a surprisingly large number of weapon shops in Lilycove….” Death scratched his head.

“I’ll go do…. something,” muttered Ran.

“What’s up?” asked Death.

“Nothing,” sighed Ran as he was punted to death.

“Alright, so, Zub, you do…. something,” shrugged Death. Let’s move!”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub stared at the ground, both ‘friends’ gone separate ways. They had left their Pokéballs with him just in case, and he was surrounded by Pokémon of varying origin, having let them all out.

He casually wandered into the arcade and looked around, the Pokémon following his gaze.

Personal Space Invaders. Nah.

Super Niccolo Sisters. Definitely not.

Then his gaze wandered overt to a skill crane and everyone flocked over to it.

There were all kinds of amazing plushies in there. But the one that caught everyone’s attention was beautiful.

And it talked.

“I pity the foo!” the Mr. T. doll said.

Everyone felt in love immediately.

“Z drogi również mario trzech był najlepszy Mario!” exclaimed Gemini as she shoved people out of the way to get to the claw machine.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two men stood staring at… something.

That something was of a complete and utter distinct lack of nothing, and altogether was a very thing like…. thing. The thinginess of this particular thing was overwhelming and the two stared at it.

“Uh… why are we staring at that thing?”

The other man looked at the first man quizzically. “I’m supposed to know?” he asked quizzically.

The first man folded his arms, wrinkling his tasteful black suit. “What is the Author’s fixation with suits?” he spat.

The second man looked down and noticed he was wearing a ball gown. “This makes me feel pretty,” he swooned.

The first guy slapped the second one. “Shut up! We’re supposed to be… undetected!”

The ceiling exploded.

The Author fell through th
e gaping hole, wrinkling ever-so-slightly his purple and dark blue suit.

“Who are you people?!” he demanded. “We aren’t scheduled to have any more characters until… I was at least trying to go one chapter without any new ones….”

The first man straightened his tie nervously. “We’re not… uh… who you think you are… not… because we’re not you…”

The second man smiled eagerly. “We’re…. street performers!”

The Author raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Prove it. Dance for me, monkeys! DANCE!”

The first man donned a square yellow mask with buck teeth. “I’m Sponge….Steve Rectangletrousers,” he said, maintaining the mask’s position in front of his face.

The second man jumped onto a table. “Call me… Psionics!” he shouted as a third eye appeared on his forehead.

SpongeSteve turned to face Psionics. “What now…?” he asked.

“Destroy the world!” hissed the mask.

“That’s a bit harsh,” pointed out Psionics. “I know! I’ll make popcorn… with my mind!”

He stared down at a bag of kernels lying on the ground.

The Author didn’t buy a thing. “Seriously, who are you blokes?”

The first man straightened up and threw away his mask. “You don’t recognize us?” he grinned an evil, slanted, crazed smile.

“Not at all,” affirmed the Author casually.

“I’m Rectangle East. Ring a bell?” growled the man. His partner continued to glare at the popcorn.

“Noooooope,” said the Author.

“I’m the narrator?” said Rectangle, raising an eyebrow.

“We don’t have a narrator,” sighed the Author.

“I was the one you tried to kill,” Rectangle reminded him. The Author nodded. “And this is Germaine. Germaine, say hello.”

“Hello,” said Germaine, who was apparently a girl all along. Oops.

“So why are you back on my fic?” demanded the Author. “There’s a reason why I tried to kill you!”

“Yes, there is,” smiled Rectangle. “But we’ve come to repossess your fic!”

“Impossible!”

Germaine smiled. “We heard you were having…. issues, so we boughted it!”

The Author’s jaw dropped. “You… bought my fic?!”

“It’s not like you could afford it,” countered Rectangle, waving his hand in glee.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-“


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” said the Author as Ran stared at him.

Ran smacked him. “Get a hold of yourself, Cappie!”

“We’re doomed,” the Author groaned in response.

Ran slapped him again. “We’ll find a way out in the name of Mother Russia!”

“But I’m not Russian,” the Author scowled.

“Racist Capitalistic monster?! What is wrong with you?!” Ran gasped. “Anyway, we’ll broaden the audience of the fic and have some kind of fundraiser!”

“How will we broaden?”

“We can… we can get a reward!”

The Author raised an eyebrow happily. “For what?” he smiled.

“What about Best Plot?”

“We have a plot?”

“Best graphics?”

“We’re based off of letters.”

“Best heroism?”

“Sounds like a drug.”

“Best…. suckiness?”

“Yes, we could for that! Though it’s not flattering… wait, what were the things we said before that?” the Author asked, getting onto something.

“Heroism and drugs. Two very good things. What about robots or samurai?”

“Both!,” grinned the Author.

“So… we’ll need a villain and drugs, and maybe samurai robots,” noted Ran. “Neither of which we have.”

“Oh, we do…. we do,” the Author smiled maliciously. “We’ll show those two blockheads what we’re made of!”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death walked down the third street dedicated to stores selling weapons and noticed that it was the third street dedicated to stores selling weapons, which was odd considering how normal cities barely had a single street dedicated to stores selling weapons, much less three streets dedicated to selling weapons.

“Excise me,” Death asked the first man he happened across. “Why are there at least three streets dedicated to stores selling weapons here?”

“I have a better question than answering why there are so many streets dedicated to stores selling weapons. Why are you wearing a Pikachu suit?”

Death sifted the weapons he was carrying from one ‘shoulder’ to the other.

“I am a hero and all and I save the world and stuff and this is what happened.”

“Saved the world?” the man spat. “Psh. I can top that.”

“Prove it,” Death challenged.

The man took out a jar of pickles and twisted the cap off. “See this open jar of pickles?”

“Yeah.”

“I opened it.”

“So?”

“With my bear hands. No help,” the man grinned a toothy smile as Detah applauded, impressed.

Death stopped applauding and looked around. “Detah he asked?”

“What?”

“Nothing,” replied Death rather quickly. “So… I understand why you don’t care, but what about everyone else?”

“Why should they care?”

“Well, what else are they supposed to do?” Death scowled.

“Stand in one spot, occasionally move a block or two, and repeat the same thing over and over again. I mean, seriously, what else?” the man asked quizzically.

“Everything?”

The man laughed heartily for a while before resuming his serious exposition. “Are you high?”

Death shrugged. “Maaaaybe,” he said.

There was a sudden flash of black.

“How inappropriate!” exclaimed the man, dignified.

It happened again, though this time Death could see the source. A slender black snake was flying through the sky.

That could mean one of two things. Either the tiki gods had won, or there was finally going to be some action.

Death ingested the weapons into his void body and took off after it until he reached the City Square, where Zub and Ran just so happened to be standing in through sheer coincidence.

“What a coincidence it is that you two would just so happen to be standing here!” Death exclaimed.

“My, it is such a coincidence that us two would just so happen to be standing here!” Ran confirmed.

Miror B. danced merrily atop his Rayquaza as his theme blared from deep within his afro. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TysjYEVUmPA) “Helooooo~ooo Lilycove!” he jubilantly shouted. His Rayquaza adjusted so everyone could see the five Ludicolo behind Miror B., who gestured at them. “Meet my Ludicolo! Chimi, Chonga, Maca, Rena, and Bert!”

The crowd that had gathered. whistled and roared with applause and appreciation. Some began dancing. Miror B. and his troop of Ldicolo hopped off of the Rayquaza and continued dancing.

“Raymond, go destroy something,” Miror B. said, waving his hand. Raymond the Rayquaza immediately took off.

The Author came out of nowhere. “Good, we have a villain. We can probably add two more….”

Ran turned on him. “This is your fault?!”

“Of course.”

“It’s better than unleashing Them on us again, I guess….” Death muttered.

“Them? Them who?” the Author asked, obviously confused.

Everyone stared at him.

The Authoe blinked. “….what?”

“Nevermind,” snapped Ran as he attempted to shoo the Author away.

The Author shrugged and smiled. “Anyway, I need to borrow Zub for a bit,” he said airily as he picked up Zub and took off before anyone could protest, though no one would as they were all soon distracted.

An aged, balded man was shoving his way to the front of the crowd, angrily yelling something that was absorbed by the crowd and lost to the ears of only those near him.

He finally reached the front of the crowd, causing the dancing and jubilee to die down. “I, the self-proclaimed governor of Lilycove, the great Gatsby Snattle, hereby demand that you shut down this initiative…. Afro Boy!”

Miror B. stared at him through his festive, bejeweled sunglasses. “You look familiar,” he noted mid-dance after a long silence.

Snattle struck his trademark pose, allowing his majestic cape to flow in the distance, his trimmed blue hair holding steady. “I, Gatsby Snattle, recognize you as the fop of Orre!”

“’Fop’?” Ran whispered to Death, who shrugged.

Once again…. she? He? It? Snattle stepped forward, this time more menacing. “Preparer to be undancified, Afroctavio!” he yelled, preparing a Pokéball.

“Now, Eff Ecks!” Miror B. called as Eff Ecks appeared inside the crows, rushing towards Snattle. Taking a dramatic leap into the air, he came down just behind Snattle, thrusting a large, flamboyant afro wig onto his head on the process.

“Success!” Eff Ecks declared, giving a thumbs up as Snattle screamed in agony.

Struggling up, Snattle regained his breath before walking behind Miror B. and his Ludicolo and began to dance along.

“It’s some kind of dance-wig!” gasped Ran in horror to Detah.

Death squinted. “There it is again!”

Ran ignored him. “People! That’s some seriously wacked out stuff! Run!”

One denizen of Lilycove scratched his goatee. “I dunno…. I rather like dancing.”

A woman paused her screaming and began thinking. “That’s a good point. I like afros,” she said as a Ludicolo jumped up and planted one on her.

The more Death, Ran, and Detah looked around, the more people being assimilated into the dance troop they saw.

“there it is again! Detah is here! I know it!” exclaimed Death as he began frantically searching around. Detah began whistling and strutted away.

“The text is giving me clues!” Death announced. “I have you now, Detah!”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“East, I demand that you give me my fic back!” the Author demanded in a demanding tone indicating he was giving a demanding demandment that demanded demands.

Rectangle smoothed out his suit. “I’m sorry, but your fic is wrong. You said there would be drugs, villains, and robots. I see none.”

The Author shrugged. “The robots just arrived, Miror B. is a villain, and I couldn’t put in drugs without the soccer moms killing me.”

“Excellent point, even if you suck,” Rectangle noted.

“That was uncalled for,” pouted the Author.

“Just like you writing this fic,” sneered Rectangle in response.

“Oo, BURN!” exclaimed Germaine.

“I see you’re still upset over when I exploded you,” noted the Author.

“Very,” affirmed Rectangle.

“Look, can’t we just settle this like gents? Or else…”

Rectangle began laughing. “Or else what?”

A large robot crashed through the ceiling of the nowhere they were all in. It was very clearly designed to be modeled after a samurai, something it pulled off very well. Its muscular, robot exterior clanked and whirred as it hefted its sword and slashed at the two fic owners.

“I think the samurai robots came in,” noted the Author.

“No Shinx, Sherlock!” yelled Rectangle as he narrowly rolled to the right to avoid the incoming attack. “What was your first clue?”

“Probably the giant samurai mech that crashed through the ceiling, I’d assume,” said Germaine.

“Mech?” Rectangle raised an eyebrow. “As in, not self-piloted?”

Zub popped out of a hatch on the top of the mech’s large helmet and waved, took another sip of lemonade, and smiled before disappearing back into the machine.

“Yay Zub! I might have to try not to kill you sometime!” the Author cheered.

Zub nodded appreciatively from the confines of the mechanical monstrosity before swinging his sword once again.

“Ha, is that really all you have?” mocked the foolish Rectangle. A cannon appeared on the shoulder of the samurai robot. The wick at the end automatically lit itself as it fired a barrage of cannonballs at Germaine and Rectangle.

“This is totally cheating,” growled Rectangle before a cannonball hit him in the face, sending him flying backwards into a wall of nothing.

“How does that even make sense?” Germaine asked, scratching her chin.

“I don’t know,” replied the Author, just as confused. “You own the fic, not me.”

Instantly Rectangle stood up. “You’re right!”

“I am? That’s a first.”

“Extremely a first,” Germaine agreed. agreed, before turning to Rectangle. “I’ll be right back, mmkay? I need to make some of my famous haggis.” She merrily skipped away as everyone realized they needed to act fast before they all died.

“Wait, I can save us! I own the fic!” Rectangle proclaimed as a typewriter appeared in front of him.

“Don’t do it, East!” the Author cried out before everything turned into a flash of white.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dance! Dance! REVOLUTION!” Miror B. declared. Everything was a wreck.

Raymond the Rayquaza flew around, Hyper Beaming or simply crashing through any tall building. Chimi, Changa, Maca, Rena, and Bert the Ludicolo, as well as Eff Ecks, were all slipping afros onto people, forming a literal dance revolution.

Death decided to take charge upon the absence of Zub. “Ran, you go find our ship and load it with weapons! I know how to stop Miror B.!”

Ran shrugged and took off.

Death took out a bone-shaped cell phone and began dialing a number. “Hello? Why, yes he is here. And we need you to make chaos.”

Suddenly a man in a sequin-studded business suit fell out of the sky. Red scarf and white helmet coupled with a thick visor obscured his face. “Helooooo Miror B.!”

Miror B. turned to him. “Do I know you?” he asked.

Mirakle B. was taken aback. “I beg your oh-so groovy pardon! I am the illustrious dancicidal maniac, Mirakle B.!”

Miror B. scratched his afro, thinking. “Rings a bell,” he said lamely.

Mirakle B. ran forward, prepared to punch Miror B. right in the afro.

Zibdas
19th August 2012, 5:40 AM
this is just a short chapter but ive had writer's block due to discouragement but here you go
Chapter 27: The Reveal


“I’d like some of that fancy tuna,” grinned Death to the nonchalant cashier, who apparently couldn’t care less that a skull in a Pikachu costume was ordering fancy tuna, of all things.

“Why? Too bad you can’t stomach it, you know?” prodded Ran.

“That will be sixteen Pokémonies,” drawled the cashier as he handed Death a small basket of fancy tuna.

“So expensive…” Ran moaned.

“Shut up,” scowled Death. “It’s fancy. Tuna!”

“Aren’t we supposed to be stopping Miror B. anyway, let alone Mirakle B.?”

“I doubt they’ll be a problem,” offered death.

“They both intend to turn the world into a giant afro and all its inhabitants into dance-obsessed, afro-wearing minions.”

“Touché. And besides, I’ve decided it shall be our day off.” Detah paid the cashier and walked off, devouring the fancy tuna.

“Our day off…. from saving Mother Russia?” Ran asked in disbelief, pausing as people began staring at him. “And…. some other places too, of course.”

Death laughed and threw his hands up into the air. “I know a guy who can let us have some major fun! He’s known in his home dimension as…. Party Voodoo or something….”

“Sounds dangerous,” Ran remarked.

“Not to us,” Death grinned as he slipped on a pair of sunglasses and lipped into his trademark Hawaiian shirt over his costume. “What is a Hawaiian anyway?”

“Sounds delicious, whatever it is,” Ran said.

“Reminds me of pineapple.”

“What is a pineapple?”

“Think… the look of Ludicolo with the taste of…”

“An apple and a tree?”

“Not even close.”

Elsewhere, Miror B. and Mirakle B. were arguing. “Where did those little idiots go?! We should kill them before we kill each other!” Mirakle B. barked.

“Hey, they’re talking about me!”

“We better not let those little idiots get in our way this time,” Miror B. mewed slickly, slicking his afro with a wetted hand.

“Oooh, those little idiots will get in their plans all right!” Ran barked, coursing with energy.

“All right, game plan,” Death announced. “We’re going to go up there, to the main courtyard, and they’re probably going to kill us because-“

“BECAUSE I’M A POTATO,” said a potato.

“Yes,” said Death, pointing at the potato. “Because… he? She? BECAUSE YOU, MY STARCHY FRIEND, ARE A POTATO!”

“Potato!” cried out the potato as the crowd cheered.

“Why are the crowd cheering,” Ran said.

“Because we are going to die what is undoubtedly a horrific and painful death!”

“But I can regenerate and you can’t die.”

“IS THAT A CHALLENGE?!” the potato demanded.

“IS THAT A TALKING STARCH?!” Ran counter demanded.

“YES, I DO BELIEVE SO, MADAM,” the potato counter-counter demanded as a top hat appeared at one of its end and a pencil moustache and monocle appeared on one of its sides.

“WROND CHOICE,” Ran counter-counter-counter demanded.

“WHY ARE WE COUNTER DEMANDING?!” the potato counter-counter-counter-counter demanded.

“You started it!” Ran counter-counter-counter-counter-counter demanded, even though his statement lacked countering in any form.

Miror B. crashed into the pavement. “Dare it! Dare iiiit! Shoot for da stars!” he whooped.

“Why are you whooping?” Death asked.

“Because,” Miror B. adjusted his sunglasses. “You are going to die!”

Death grinned. “What makes you say that?”

Mirakle B. appeared in a flying afro large enough to comfortably seat four. Upon further inspection it seemed to be metal. “We are going to make you explode if you move forward at all! And since you hate that, we also positioned our switch to end the shenanigans in front of you!”

“If we’re going to explode,” Death paused to put on a pair of sunglasses. “Let’s explode with some dignity.”

The two marched on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, what now?” the Author said infectively as he glanced around at the people attempting to avoid being killed by a large robotic samurai robot.

“You don’t have to be redundant about it,” scowled Rectangle.

“Ain’t no way none ah y’all ain’t gonna not do nothin’ ‘bout no one, no how! None ah y’all ain’t gonna get no brains sucked out if none ah y’all ain’t got none to not show!” she yelled grumpily.

“That’s scary,” the Author whispered to Rectangle.

“What, her voice?”

“No, all the contradicting double negatives.” The Author shuddered in fear. “What is she talking about, anyway?”

Then a golden Magikarp appeared. “Hello, you two. I see you brought guests.”

“Howdeedo, Mr. Bossman,” Germaine nodded, with Rectangle giving a subtle wave.

“Fishlips!” the Author exclaimed happily. “These two work for you?”

“Uh…. yes? Yes,” it affirmed, finally recognizing the Author.

“Are you evil or something? Cuz these guys are jerks.”

The Golden Magikarp turned on the Author. “And what makes you say that, naïve little lamb?”

The Author leaned in close to the Magikarp’s face. “Wha… Wh-Who are you, really?!”

“Oo! Is this the part where you two kiss and the shippers go nuts?” Germaine swooned.

“It’s not that kind of fanfic,” he growled.

The Magikarp expertly flopped back in the air. “Damn straight,” he said. “Anyway, you don’t recognize me, Monsieur?”

The Author scratched his head. “No… not really, but you kinda remind me of…. Fishlips?!”

“I now go by It these days.”

“By what?”

“By It.”

“I don’t follow,” the Author said stupidly.

“Do you recall the evil syndicate called Them?” It impatiently growled.

“Not really, no.”

It felt its patience declining, anger seeding to take its place. “They’re the main antagonists!”

The Author scratched his head. “Are they? I kinda stopped following along after Miror B. broke in.”

“You are an IDIOT!”

The Author laughed. “Funny, because that’s what my mother said to me too…”

Rectangle stood there, somber, watching the events unfold. Zub sipped some lemonade and resumed watching Oprah.

“I think today should be your demise,” It spat.

“What could you possibly gain from my death? the Author asked, smirking. “I don’t doubt that I’ll be back next chapter anyway.”

“I only need that long,” It cackled. “First, I wish to destroy New Hoenn. That is well on its way, and should be done in three days. After that, I shall unleash my horde of brainwashed Pokémon onto the entire metafictional universe! Nothing anyone could write will ever be safe!”

“Wow,” the Author marveled. “And to think that I thought we would never have a villain with a developed plan.”

“That’s a good point. Everyone else’s were lackluster at best,” Rectangle recalled. The Author snarled at him.

“You weren’t even introduced until a few chapters ago!”

“PREPARE FOR MY ULTIMATE WEAPON…. PART ONE!” It yelled as it flew into the air.

“Fishlips, no!” screamed the Author. “This is such a random turn of events, I rather liked idly chatting!”

“TOTAL TASTE ANNIHILATION!” It yelled in a big flash of multicoloured Armageddon.

“Nooooo- at,” the Author screamed before stopping in confusion..

“Mr. Bossman, what is that?” asked Rectangle, peering at It, who was now holding a small tray.

“This, my friend, is called a cheesecake,” It glowered back.

“Gee, Bossman, that doesn’t seem too productive,” Germaine noted.

“But it is ever so delicious and ridiculously low in carbohydrates!” It cackled.

“For a golden fish, you’re awfully well-knowledged in the art of maintaining health,” noted Rectangle.

“Just because I’m a fish does not mean I always was,” It sighed.

“Oo, backstory time!” gasped Germaine excitedly.

It shyly smiled his blubbery, fish lips. “Well, if I must… wait, where did that buffoon and his monkey go?!”

The Author and the other guy were not there.

Zibdas
3rd September 2012, 11:08 PM
Chapter 28: More Bad News
More shortness for you guys.



The Author sat up slowly. The explosion that had occurred upon It and the twins’ departure was disastrous.

“I don’t even remember an explosion and it was disastrous,” he remarked in awe.

Zub got off the ceiling, where he had been duct taped into place with bubble gum. He fell over upon hitting the floor. The expression on his face asked all the questions he needed to ask but couldn’t.

“He let me stay if I give him a cheesecake launcher,” the Author grinned.

This probably will never come up again, you should probably forget it, just like you did the first three seasons of Glee.

“Well, I’m back, but they’re still narrating,” the Author said glumly. “Anyway, you can’t do… whatever it was you wanted to do before… anyway, you can’t do it alone!”

For an omnipresent Author he sure is unaware. That hypocrite.

“It’s not hypocrisy if I’m unpaid! I think that’s how business ethics work anyway….” The Author stopped and scratched his chin. “This is going absolutely nowhere. My point is, you can’t go alone, so I found you accompaniment!”

A girl with lusciously kept blonde hair and a slightly darker, almost mocha, skin tone appeared from within a blast of light. She was wearing a long, flowing white dress and matching shoes.

“I’m Mongol… I think? It starts with An-, I think…. Anyway, my name is Lavie, and my clan is hugely popular in France!” she winked, introducing herself.

“And heeeeere’s…” the Author trailed off as a generic-looking guy in some generic-looking clothes for a karate guy appeared generically in a generic flash of generic-brand light.

“I AM NOB!” Nob yelled.

“Yes…. yes you are,” the Author chuckled nonchalantly as he diappeared.

“You’re probably going to die,” Lavie shrugged.

“Yes sir!” Nob saluted.

“Good, now… wait, yes sir what?”

“ALL OF THE ABOVE!”

“This won’t end well,” Lavie groaned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“HEY LOOK!” NOB YELLED IN FEROCIOUSLY CAPITALIZED LETTERS. “A GENERIC GOON OF A GENERIC VILLAIN OR ANOTHER!”

The goon turned sharply, revealing his black trench coat that oddly lacked sleeves. He sported fingerless black gloves and toeless socks. “I take offense to this!” he yelled whilst indignantly removing his beret.

“Why are you wearing toeless socks?” Lavie asked.

“Because they’re dorky, and I am of the Dorkness Highess Corporation!” the goon yelled.

Nob ran over and beat the snot out of him.

In response to Zub’s curious look, Lavie smiled slyly and shrugged. “His grandmother’s maiden name was Tölész Zokk.”

Zub shrugged.

“Worst Labor Day ever!” the grunt groaned as he rolled in pain.

Another Grunt came. “Wow, this chapter is progressing unfortunately quickly,” noted Lavie, who casually threw a Pokéball.

“Diglett, Scratch attack on the generic nameless goon!” sheyelled.

“Scratch? With what?” sneered the goon.

A low rumbling was heard as the earth shook, throwing everyone off balance.

Somewhere, a cup filled with water shook, scaring some parkgoers.

“What the-“ began the guard before he was engulfed.

In love.

I am kidding, sadly. Two large jaws burst forth from the ground on either side of him, revealing horribly kept gums securing teeth that could easily pass for primitive broadswords any day.

The possessor of the mouth seemed to be a large serpentine abomination, with horribly frightening scales kept in the most grimy way possible. A pair of dull, gray eyes that had clearly been used only rarely slowly opened on either side of its head and growled.

On top of its head lay what we know as Diglett, who was clearly just a decoy, pitifully miniscule in comparison to the monster before them.

“Diglett, for the last time, I said Scratch, not KILL DEATH BLOOD DESTROY!” groaned Lavie.

A rather non-gruntish figure appeared. “I am not gruntish, and I will make you fall! I shall be your demise

“Larry? Weren’t you in an earlier chapter?” Lavie asked.

“I’m so glad someone remembers me!” Larry cried. “But alas, that was merely a guise! My name is actually the despicable Levil Leviathan Larry Lobringdian Lobstarr!”

“That must be painful to put on wedding invitations,” Lavie noticed.

“Can I punch him yet?” grunted Nob.

“No you cannot,” Larry smugly said. “If you do, I shall increase punchjing tax tenfold!”

Nob gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

“Try me,” Larry snarled.

“I thought you were a good guy though?” Lavie asked.

“I was never. That was a ruse. Plus, I wish to have a showdown with the Author!” he roared.

“What if we tell you a joke so funny you die?”

“Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. So, a Cucumber is making cookies for Santa, when a bank robber, a norseman, and an IRS agent barge in, and-“ began Nob before he was cut off.

“No! There is nothing you can do to make me stop doing it! I will duel the Author, and I will kill him! You know why?! Because I was written into this stupid fic! I was going to be in CaH: The Series, but nooooo, they needed me here! This is one of the most terrible fics that I’ve ever had the sheer mispleasure to lay my eyes on! Do you realize that?!

“Nothing gets done around here, you’re all idiots, nobody does anything, and it’s taking way too long for anything to happen! But now! Now I shall kick the Author’s as-… rasta cap, and there is nothing you can do!” Larry laughed evilly.

Lavie attempted to hide a yawn to no avail. “Are you done yet?” When Larry grumpily nodded, she nudged Zub and Nob awake.

“Whatever!” he scowled, stalking off. “You’ll see me later!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lavie, Nob, and Zub walked down a nondescript dirt path that was wholly devoid of any deviation that could possibly set it aprt from any other. Lavie looked troubled.

“This is bad,” she muttered. “The Author is really stupid, and he’s not even the Author any more, so Larry is probably going to kill him….”

Zub and Nob stopped and stared at her.

“Yes, that would be bad,” she scowled, answering their unasked question. “It is trying to ban punching and lemonade!”

Zub and Nob simultaneously gasped.

“Exactly, I’m glad you understand how dire the situation is.”

Zibdas
11th October 2012, 4:42 AM
Chapter 29: The Author's Descent

Hello. It is I, the Author.

Yes, me. Even though I am no long authoring, I am still addressed by my title. Mostly because I could never tell anyone my real name. It would be just like the high school Christmas party all over again.

And then I would have to kill you for knowing my name. And then it would be like the New Year Party.

And then I’d have your blood all over my shoes. I just got these yesterday.

Ignore those last two paragraphs, any or all who are associated with the police department.

Ah yes, while rambling I remembered why I came here. It is to explain why Zub has had such a large absence as of late, in a metauniversal point of view.

Zub and I have had an argument.

Now you may be thinking, “But Author, that’s awfully one sided!” or “But Author, he’s golly-gee-awful quiet!” or even “AUTHOR I HATE YOUR GUTS” but those are all perfectly acceptable questions.

Now, while it may seem as though Zub cannot talk, that is true. I often just stare at him and pretend to know what he would say. Our arguments are very thorough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Remove the pillow tag!” announced Larry.

“But isn’t that illegal?” Lavie asked. Nob ignored her and ran forward, ripping it off.

Suddenly the room was filled with police. Zub ducked for cover behind an explosive sofa.

“If only the readers knew what happened, then this would make more sense and seem more evil!” Larry whined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our arguments go something like this;

“Author, I demand more pay raise!”

“Zub, how high are you right now? Get off the ceiling!” I would demand, to which he would respond,

“No officer, it’s ‘Hi, how are you?’”

“What do you call one of Santa’s helpers with a low perspective on themselves?”

“Someone with low elf esteem?”

“… confound it!”

And why watermelons are round. Except in Japan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Weedle, use Bite!” Larry commanded as his Weedle lunged forward.

“Does it even have a mouth?” Lavie asked.

To answer her question, Weedle paused midair, looked at her, and smiled. What she assumed to be a nose was apparently a large, gaping mouth.

“Oh my lump what the hell is that thing?!” Lavie asked as she jumped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They say a bungalow can hold two hundred pounds, but clearly that is a lie!

“Witchcraft!” declared Rectangle.

“It was an imposter!” the Author protested. Germaine came by wearing an astonishing wig and holding a gavel.

“This is insane, even by our standards,” the Author moaned.

Let’s take a step backwards and go somewhere else, shall we?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It sat in Its luxurious leather chair as It dramatically stared out into the window of the top of Its tower.

“Once I’m ruler,” he decided. “I’m changing my name so It doesn’t have to be a sentence so much.”

His three Commanders walked up behind him, Rath in tow. “You wanted to see us?” Bel asked innocently.

The golden fish flopped so violently he managed to turn the swivel chair away from the window and facing the spacious, if empty, oval office. “Yes. Unfortunately, due to recent… circumstances, we are going to havbe to move plans far ahead of schedule.”

“How far?” Ashleigh asked. Matrin sat, twirling a deck of cards.

“We’re pushing the Invasion to the day after tomorrow.”

“You’re kidding!”

“I am not,” It confirmed. “And you all are going to have to help with the advanced preparation.”

“Preparation?” Bel asked doubtfully. It stared at her hard.

“But of course. Matrin, you will need to disguise yourself and find out about Zub and crew. Help them. Bel, you mount an assault on them with the broken drones.”

“The broken ones, sir?”

“Yes. We know that they will counter everything we throw at them. This is just our way of having fun with it.”

“I see you’ve done some reading on the genre, sire.”

He flopped uselessly for no apparent reason. “Yes,” he confirmed to no one at all. After a long period of awkward and wholly unremarkable silence, It spoke up once more. “Well, go on then.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the Author’s mansion, the Author had a lot on his plate.

“How am I supposed to finish all this turkey?!” he cried uot as his plate continually filled itself with auspicious turkey slices.

“How did we even get here?” asked Lavie nonchalantly.

“I don’t know,” the Author shrugged. “There’s a possibility I might be going mad.”

“Well, you’re not chasing any Chesterfields yet…”

“Yet,” the Author pointed out.

“That’s true,” Lavie admitted as she played with an action figure depicting [NAME AND AGE CENSORED] of the infamous fanfiction [NAME AND DATE CENSORED] of [NAME AND URL CENSORED] fame.

“That was dumb,” Nob grunted as he ate living gingerbread.

The action figures came alive, enraged at the lack of advertising. One got out a shotgun. “FOR [NAME AND NAME CENSORED], DINGOES!”

“Now remember kids, don’t play with action figures! EXCEPT FOR THE BRAND NEW ZUB: THE ADVENTURES OF STUFF ACTION FIGURES!”

“Uh, Cap’n?” Lavie asked. “We don’t have action figures. Plus, someone has tried that gambit before.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This isn’t going well,” Ran said in between sips of coconut juice.

“Sure isn’t,” Death shrugged as he creepily watched women play beach volleyball. “But I told you we could get a day off.”

“You’re a jerkhole.”

“One who has an all paid expense paid trip to Explosion Island.”

“…Less of a jerkhole. Let’s roll.”

Zibdas
23rd October 2012, 5:12 AM
Chapter 30: Looming Near

Tonight’s edition of Zub: The Adventures of Stuff has such an unprecedented horror, it can only be described with one adjective.

Unprecedented.

Also horrific.

For this edition covers something so dark, were it not already rated PG-13, it would be rated PG-13, presuming it wasn’t a higher rating before.

This topic is a dark one, one that few manage to cover before going mad and writing about it again.

Death.

... The topic, not the character.

A character so beloved, everyone who has encountered him throughout the series will weep with tonight’s special chapter, will face death.

Yes, once again, we have a special chapter commemorating another 10 chapters completed.

Brace thineself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What is that thing?!” exclaimed Verve, a main character since chapter 2, in case you forgot.

“That’s the button that gives someone in the world an afro,” Death sighed patiently, twirling the scorched fragments of the Hawaiian t-shirt covering his dark robes with one finger.

Verve repeatedly pressed it intensely, causing unfavorable events to occur throughout the world.

Through the windshield of the massive Miror Battleship, Death saw Ran, who was now smothered in afros, fall off the roof and tumble into the abyss.

“When will you learn not to press that button?” Death sighed, a hint of impatience creeping into his voice.

Verve had somehow gotten himself bound in flypaper attached to the ceiling. “I found out what the sticky stuff does!” he beamed joyfully a moment prior to it the ceiling crumbling and the entire solution, ceiling and body included, landed on him in a grueling position.

Death had to wonder why he of all people was stuck watching the kid. Sure, his powers were gone upon the new management, but does that make him useless? Heavens no. He is a vital character and without him nothing would have been possible. Zub would never feel the insides of a pickle. Ran would never find out that Death’s tastes in clothing is tacky. Suckish would have never found out that no one likes Jynx.

>full disclosure; Death did NOT force me to write that, or blackmail, or any other illegal activities. Seriously. So serious. So um, don’t come save me! Thanks!<

Death stood up and gripped the newcomer by the shoulders. “Listen to me. Are you listening?” he rasped, watching Verve’s eyes follow a miniscule Butterfree flutter free behind Death.

“Yes!” Verve jubilantly exclaimed, before donning an expression of confusion. “I mean. No. Maybe? False. What was the question again?”

Death shook his head slowly and reaffirmed his group. “Listen to me now, Verve, you idiot.”

“We’re all idiots here! We. We. We are…. friends! It had ten seasons. Ran for ten years. Man, do I miss it-“

“Do me a favor?”

Verve beamed in giddy delight. “Yeees?” he asked, just beckoning to be punched.

Death answered that call with his robed fist.

He missed.

“Look, it’s a penny!” Verve squealed in absolute delight as he examined it on the otherwise pristine floor of the expansive cockpit. “Aww, what a shame. It’s George Washing Machine-forme Rotom side up, so it’s unlucky.”

Death sighed and turned towards the red side of the room. To go along with the theme of the entire vehicle of destruction, the room was divided evenly and painted according to whichever half the side was closest to; one was a blazing red, the other a holy white. Searching through a crimson barrel, Death found what he wanted and smiled at Verve once more.

“Hey, Verve, would you mind standing that ladder onto the wall over there, and standing on it?”

Verve frowned. “It’s a stepladder,” he mumbled as he obeyed. Death applied the duct tape generously, coating him to the side of the chamber that would be unmatchable.

“Happy!” he exclaimed in triumph.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zub watched Ran tumble off the top of the vessel for the umpteenth time.

Having fully recovered his team and safely restored the Miror Battleship, Zub thought he was fully ready for everything.

BUT LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT HE IS A HUGE IDIOT. And so is everyone else. Full disclosure; I might be a tad bit biased.

Of course, my comment may be a bit accurate, given what fic you are reading, but that’s fine by me.

Then he saw the first sphere.

He thought it as cute; a small sphere with an indented middle, a small rotor propped onto a protruding stick being its only locomotion of flight.

Zub was tempted to laugh. This he could take. This was normal in the eyes of the days he had spent fighting the absurd.

Then it lurched, and Zub’s stomach followed suit. A legion soon came into view, all behaving correspondingly erratic.

Growling slightly, he made a motion and Ran caught what he was pointing at.

“Kalinka!” he shouted, happy to finally give his little rock monster a comeback fight.

Before even the first of the swarm of Them could ignite Their own Pokémon, one veered far off course and hurtled alarmingly fast into the side of the battleship, leaving a sizable dent in the armour of titanium.

“We’re screwed!” Ran cried out, lusting with homicidal joy. “Kalinka, use… ah, I don’t know, Fly!” The red Golett gave a sharp salute before leaping into the air, folding its limbs into its body, and chirping. A large engine slid out of its back as she took off. Ran triumphantly clapped his hands together, a metallic sound that caused all the drones to erratically fly around.

“The metallic sound of me clapping my hands together has caused all the drones to erratically fly around!” Ran reiterated to Zub in a over redundant fashion. Zub had taken the opportunity of momentary distraction to release Tango, who stretched its arms in a metallic fashion and wearily blinked its hazy red eyes.

“Master, it feel like it’s been three months since I’ve last seen combat,” Tango yawned drearily as it lazily punched a drone square in the face, shattering it to pieces. “Man, do I miss hitting stuff.”

“I know how you feel!” Ran smiled as Kalinka took down another small platoon of drones. “Quick refresher course; we secured the Miror Battleship, we’re going to launch a full assault on Its hideout, but It shot out these… elite? drones at us.” Ran paused and gestured at the small square of flattened metal atop the pinnacle of the ship. “Try to keep them distanced; if They release Their Pokémon, we might have a bad time.”

Tango nodded a solemn agreement and used its Psychic prowess to hurl several more of the spheres into the water. “I forgot how much I honestly ejoy this.”

“Surely this won’t come up later as you turn to absolute bloodlust, while also declaring machines’ superiority and attempt to kill us all?”

“…Not gonna happen.

“Dang.”

Tango let out a low whirring sound from the inside of his body that was vaguely similar to a laugh. “You want me to crush you like a bug?”

“Well, actually, I’m not a-“ Ran was interrupted by a Venusaur before he could finish the thought. “We failed to keep them at bay,” he noticed with a shrug. “Ranshao, assist me!”

“Maaaar,” Ranshao said as it exhaled a large wad of smoke. Noticing Venusaur, it casually blew a small infernal solar flare at it, leaving it merely knocked out.

“It amuses me how they can never be killed, just knocked out.” noted the metallic blue Pokémon as it joined the newly released Wombo the overexcited Wailmer. in a combo attack on a Octillery.

“I can’t help but notice Wombo is even more hyperactive than usual as of late,” Ran said casually as he ordered his Pokémon into an assault on a Magneton.

“Oh, I got bored while we were gone. So, every day, I steadily fed him more and more Jelly Babies.*”

Ran glanced over at ombo, who despite staying still, was reverberating uncontrollably. “Is he… okay?”

Tango held the Exploud he had been assaulting in mid-air with a Psychic attack, allowing a look of worry to cross over his limited facial options. “I do ever so hope so. He’s quite fun at parties.”

Ranshao drop-kicked the Probopass he had been wrestling and gave a cheerful “Moo!” in agreement.

Suddenly several drones grew afros and spazzed out dangerously before exploding. After a short pause, all of the drones received the same treatment.

“Well, that was convenient.” Ran noticed after a lengthy pause. He then continued to put away his Pokémon.

“I’m not complaining,” shrugged Tango before being recalled into his Pokéball.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Verve, stop.”

Verve paused a moment and frowned. He then stuck his finger into Death’s eye socket again, giggling “Boop!” as he progressed.

Death grabbed him by the shoulders once more and flipped the boy over his robed shoulders, spilling his sandy blonde hair into his face. Groaning cheerily, Verve managed to stand back up and brush the dust off his t-shirt and matching shorts. He pointed a shaking finger wearily in Death’s direction.

“You can’t tell me what to do!” he screamed amidst tears.

“Wanna bet?”

“YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!” he roared as tears poured down his face in a cascade, rushing out of the room.

Death stared. Had he really caused the kid so much pain? Sure, he was a nuisance, and hopelessly useless, consumed too much spaces, and he kept eating all the crackers… but he wasn’t so bad in the end. Death was really starting to like him. After picking him up while making a pitstop for fuel, he truly felt like they made a bond together. Now he felt so bad, if there was he was a Greek god, he’d be Jerkules.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” inquired a small voice from the ceiling, before it fell onto Death.

“Gah! Verve? What the-? How the-?” Death sputtered heroically, crushed beneath Verve’s impact. The swivel chair he had been previously stationed in was now little more than a pile of timber.

Instead of giving an answer, Verve ran to the other side of the room and pressed more buttons randomly.

“I give up, young weasel boy,” Death gorlwed. Picking up the boy by the scruff of his neck, he toted him into the elevator and descended five floors into the conference chamber.

“What an odd blue pulsating wall,” Verve noticed as he was forced into a chair.

Death shrugged. “It’s odd, but nothing to scoff at. Now, stay here.”

As Death stalked off back to the elevator, he was soon replaced by a new figure.

An impossibly tall, thin man strutted into the room. He was wearing what was clearly a blast from the past, a freshly ironed gold suit entirely coated with nothing but glittering sequins. To rectify a previous statement, ‘strutting’ in was merely an understatement. The timing of the swaying of his hips, his blazing smile, hot pink shades, and the way he moonwalked in…

He was doing nothing short of dancing in.

Or, at any rate, he was, until his afro became impeding and knocked him sideways as he attempted to enter the doorway, which was several feet too short to house the spool of hair.

“Remind me later, Effie, old pal, when I resume control of this vessel, I need to make taller doorways.”

An equally tall man wearing a blue labcoat with silver shades masking his face walked in after the first man, ite hair blazing behind him. “Yes, Dance King.”

The Dance King paused mid-dance and tapped a tentative finger to his chin. “Huh. Dance King. I like it, it’s ever-so funky fresh and fills my disco vibes with the Tabasco sauce of fiesta. Kick in the music!”

Funky fresh music began blaring (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI96NNfcCk4) as two more people, a man and a woman, clearly twins, danced in after the original two incomers.

“And look, a small child!” swooned the Dance King, noticing Verve. “This could be like that one movie… Yes! I shall kidnap this fresh mind of funky innocence and taint it with my musical bliss to become my Disco Prince!”

“I’ll pass,” Verve squeaked, in both awe and raw fear of the man’s large afro.

The Dance King frowned and took a step back. His small posse, who had began dancing to the music on the other side of the room, stopped in awe.

“How wholesomely un-fresh. Not cool, little dude,” he said. “Eff Ecks, remove him from the disco scene!”

Verve tilted his head to one side. “The what now?”

Eff Ecks sighed. Clearly he had been asked to do this a lot recently. “O Lord of Funk, he is most likely with Zub’s crew. To remove him might hurt our chances of winninb back the Miror Battleship.”

The “Lord of Funk” did a backflip and began twirling around on his afro, humming his own theme, seemingly oblivious of the elongated hexagonal table that he threatened to crash into. ”Hm, yes. I suppose so. Child of Salsa, call your friends! We want to… talk!”

Right on cue, Death burst into the room, followed by Zub and Ran shortly thereafter. “Miror B.!” he exclaimed dramatically.

Miror B. stopped spinning and picked himself off the floor leisurely. “I see you’ve heard of me. Are you part of my fanclub?”

“No, so shut u-“

Miror B. wagged a disapproving finger, making a tsk, tsk, tsk noise with hjis tongue. “How funkily disappointing! Join today and you can receive a 10% off bonus for all purchases through the club’s merchandise until next Tuesday!”

Ran made to eagerly snatch up the brochure Miror B. offered up before being cut off by Death. “What are you doing here?” he asked, killing Ran several times in the process.

The King of Dance looked like he was sincerely hurt. “Wittle ole me?” he asked innocently. “Why, I was here only to bargain!”

“Bargain?”

Making a wide gesture to the vehicle around him, Miror B. leaned forward and smiled. “But of course. You allow me and my… er…” he paused and looked at the people accompanying him. “My ‘colleagues’ to fashion the bottommost floor into our own dance fiesta of freshness, we’ll assist you in taking down those horribly distasteful flying machines.” He paused to look at Zub, Ran, and Verve. “I mean oh-no offense, but you look like you could use some help.”

Death sighed and swallowed his pride. “I suppose so.”

Miror B. did an all-out grin and clapped his hands together merrily. “Oh, and before I forget,” he said as he strutted back out. “Someone in the hangar wishes to see you. Shall I send her up?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Lavie?” Death asked as he eyes (quite curiously, I must add) the white robed figure of what he considered sheer beauty before him. “Why have I not met you before? You seem pivotal.”

She scowled in response. “You would have, had you not been vacationing all this time.”

“Oh,” Death said weakly, slinking back further in his chair. Lavie turned her gaze away from him.

“So, Zub, any good news?”

Zub shrugged, Ran picking up for him. “We found this boy Verve begging for adventure and got this Miror Battleship. So far, to face off against Them we have you, me, Zub, Death, and the AFRO… Am I missing anyone?”

“None that I know of,” Lavie said, as though she were keeping something back.

“Nob?” squeaked Death smally from under the table. He began to become self-conscious and noticed to his dismay that he was still wearing the Pikachu costume.

Immediately, a manly voice filled the room. “Lavie?!” exclaimed Nob in happiness as he burst into the conference chamber.

“And I brought reinforcements,” Lavie grinned as she spread her arms broadly. Her heavenly white cloak billowed as she did so, catching Death’s attention, which he discreetly attempted to mask.

Ran perked up at the idea. “Reinforcements? Who could you have-“

“Everyone!” exclaimed Lavie as she cut off Ran rudely. “I brought everyone I could find. Filled quite a good amount of space in your ship, too.”

“I’m heeeeeere~” yelled a voice only Zub recognized, a voice that echoed mellifluously throughout the battleship as it rang through the hallway.

His face filled with dread.

Debbie burst into the conference chamber, twirling his strawberry-blonde hair and gleaming at everyone.

“How ever[/i] did you find us?[/i]” translated Tango for Zub.

“Tracking device,” he shrugged.

“You’re pretty smart for a blonde girl,” Ran said. “What was it, something so discreet it could escape our vision for who knows how long?”

“I sent my pretty Wailord here for spy duty~!” she beamed, gesturing at the pulsating wall, which right on cue, slipped off to reveal itself to have been a Wailord attached to the ordinarily red wall all along.

“Clap clap clap,” said everyone congregated simultaneously, all reveling at his intelligence. Zub scowled and stalked off.

Debbie sighed and watched him go. “What’s with him?” he asked.

Ran turned and saw him slam the door behind him, a feat that was quite impressive considering he was using a revolving door. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s jealous.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in Debbie’s Memory~~~~~~~~~~

“Hi Zub!” Debbie said jubilantly to Zub, who just waved and continued playing with his Magnemite.

Debbie frowned. “Are you going to talk to me?” he asked mournfully.

Zub’s mother stepped out of his house. “Zub, are you talking to that sweet girl again? You lucky Psyduck!” she exclaimed before going inside.

Zub looked like there was some part in that sentence he wanted to protest.

Debbie tilted his head at Zub. “What’s the matter?” he asked.

Zub stared at her and drew a little ♂ in the sandbox he and Magnemite were playing in, then gestured furiously between Debbie and the strange symbol.

“I don’t understand,” Debbie said simply, before Zub stormed off, exasperated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Present Day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Debbie shrugged. “It must be something to do with Mars. Or iron, I guess.”

“He’s an odd case, that one,” Ran agreed. Death mumbled something from under the table.

Zub, meanwhile, was randomly wandering through the labyrinth of corridors that composed the Miror Battleship.

Realizing he was dreadfully hungry, he made his way to the dining hall, when he noticed an entire task force of police sitting around a table, inhaling donuts and coffee. “See? Look! We’re useful for once!” yelled the chief upon noticing Zub.

Being unable to protest, Zub continued on to the next room marked occupied, being the rec room and indoor field. This ship was clearly far more massive than previously imagined. Here was a larger cluster of people, many of which he did not recognize.

“Hello!” smiled an enigmatic young, sharply-dressed man who approached Zub. “I’m Zelo, pronounced Zeh-lo.”

Zub smiled back and tentatively shook the outstretched hand.

Zelo looked solemnly out the window at a passing cloud. “This ship is magnificent, almost as magnificent as Pokémon.” He looked back at Zub, tilted his head and smiled more warmly. “I’m sure we’ll meet again,” he grinned before excusing himself.

Along the way, Zub met with many of his other support, of which were doing a variety of things in the massive chamber. There was a seemingly charming old lady who was smashing slabs of concrete with her glare alone, a generic Black Belt training his Rattata, a guru of mystical prowess, a wholly remarkable bowl of petunias, and many others that would consume too much space trying to list them all adequately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It failed, m’lord,” Bel said as she entered through the large oaken double doors and into the long dark chamber.

“How could this be?” asked It.

“They all grew afros and exploded, m’lord.”

Of all the answers he foresaw, It never thought of this one. “What?” It asked, slightly taken aback.

“They blew up after growing afros. I do not know the specifcs.”

It flopped around mildly to swivel Its chair towards facing the closed window, where It shut Its eyes. “And Matrin’s mission?”

“He has boarded their vessel and has their protection, m’lord.”

“Excellent!” It cackled. “At least part of the plan is succeeding. We will overcome these setbacks. Prepare to execute Operative 67.”

“M’lord?!” exclaimed Bel. “So soon?”

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” It shrugged. “And this is that time.”

And then, by a wholly unrelated chain of events, Ran dropped dead, but promptly got back again “Weird,” he said.




*Note: Zub: The Adventures of Stuff is not affiliated at all with Jelly Babies and does not condone the consumption of any infants in real life, regardless of their chemical makeup.

Zibdas
30th October 2012, 3:16 AM
Chapter 31: The Invasion
Finale Part I

Love.

Love is an abstract concept; we cannot verify its existence, nor can we deny its reality.

It is for this reason that love is horrifying.

Many are afraid to love; will they be rejected? Will they die alone, with only 72 cats to keep them company? Will they never meet The One?

They will be rejected. They will die alone with 72 cats, of which only one is The One.

This is why love is such a strange concept to many a carbon-based lifeform. Wee cannot measure it, yet are sure of its existence. We cannot show it truly, yet we know we feel it. How does this work?

Nobody knows.

This chapter is focused on said abstract concept to such a minimal degree that one could say this introduction is a waste of time and is only designed to make the entire chapter seem longer. To those who say this, we say; “Stop spoiling our secrets.”

Regardless, this chapter mentions love on at least three and a half occasions. [full disclosure; we are not sure where the other half went.] Thus, this episode in the… for back of a better word, interesting fanfiction, can function as either a Halloween or a Valentine’s Special. This is up to the reader’s discretion. Or they might not discreet whatsoever, in which case we are forced to ask if you have your receipt to do said action.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hello Lavie,” said Death, somewhat embarrassed at having a greeting as the opening and thus the introductory impression of the chapter’s fleshy meatness.

“Hi, Death,” she sighed as she sifted through papers in her work. “You can come in, you know. I’ve just been sorting through these papers sent to me, asking for reviews. I rather like this one, it’s called-“

“We can’t mention a Fanfic’s title in our own original work without getting sued, as I’m sure you’ll recall the time we didn’t…”

“I was only introduced to the main story a few chapters ago.” She paused for a moment. “Does this have no 4th wall? I mean, I’m used to the occasional reference, but….”

“Oh, that,” noted Death nonchalantly. “Well, we had to kill it at one point. It was kinda fun, though, if I’m being honest.” He awkwardly shuffled into the smallish room.

Lavie removed her reading glasses and stared at Death, brushing her blonde hair out of her face as she did so. “Is that even possible? It’s never been attempted, and that just makes no sense!”

“We attempted it, we did it, and I think everyone regrets it.”

“Everybody,” affirmed Lavie as she returned to her work. “So, did you need something, or did you just drop by to say hello?”

Death stopped, realizing he never came up with an excuse to talk to Lavie. “I, err… just wanted to ask….” He knew he could never ask hat he really wanted to, so his brain furiously searched for an alternative. “DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS?!”

“Goodness, no. But if this fic is anything to go by, he’s quite the trainer.”

“You avoided my question.”

“I answered it outright,” Lavie said simply, flipping a page.

“Um… what would you do if you could choose any job?” Death stuttered stupidly.

Lavie tapped a pen to her chin and thought for a moment. “A walrus,” she answered simply. “Que diriez-vous?”

“I’ve always wanted to be Santa Claus, admittedly,” Death said as casually as he could. Out of the corner of his eye socket, he noticed Lavie was trying to refrain from smiling. “You think it’s funny.”

Lavie caught herself. “I assuredly do not. I just think it’s neat that you have such…. ah, unique aspirations.”

Death stared at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

To save Lavie from having to contemplate a answer that hurts no one, Verve ran into the office at that moment. “Hello, Lavie!” he grinned as she waved. “Anyway, Death, we’re under attack, so I thought you might want to try something!” he beamed pleasantly.

“Under attack?! By who?!” Death demanded.

“By whom,” Lavie helpfully corrected.

“Everything!” Verve grinned. “Everything is attacking us with the express intent of horribly disfiguring our body with pain and grim death!” he sang out jubilantly.

“You seem excited,” noted Death. “I’ll pretend I never saw that. Lavie, can you go wake the others? I’ll go check out what’s wrong.”

“Aye aye,” Lavie said before bolting out the door and down the corridor.

Lavie burst into Zub’s chambers to find that the room was auspiciously empty. There was a bed in the middle of the far side of the room, and a few generic furniture pieces lying around, but no indication Zub had slept in here. Glancing at a conveniently placed clock, she found that it was morning, and thus could conclude that it didn’t make sense that he had not slept.

Somehwere in the room, something gave off a sound of ripping.

Glancing to the ceiling overhead, she saw Zub duct-taped to the ceiling far above her, his sticky holds slowly weakening.

Lavie barely managed to leap to her left as his body finally ripped free, crashing to the floor with such force he broke through it to the floor below, which was, by another series of meaninglessly convenient coincidences, was Ran’s chamber. Weakly, Zub gave her a thumbs up, indicating he was alive to some extent.

“Hello!” Lavie called down pleasantly. “There’s a good chance we will all die horribly soon!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death exploded into the control room/cockpit. Literally. As he neared the doors, the ship rocked from an attack of such ferocity it flung him into the room.

“Ow,” he sent absently as he scraped himself off the floor and met with the team of operating that were, well, operating the vessel.

“What’s attacking us?!” he demanded calmly with rage.

“Drones,” grinned one whose facial expression betrayed hints of insanity. “Loads and loads of drones.”

“Fun,” said Death. “Do we not have cannons?”

“Offline,” replied another operator grimly. “And we will be unable to activate it until they cease fire long enough for us to charge it up.”

Death nodded in a silence. “I have no choice but to use the secret weapon.”

“Secret weapon?”

“But of course, I installed it myself. Remember when Snattle made a brief appearance?”

“Yes,” said Ran, who ran in with Zub and Lavie.

“Turns out there’s a hole in the continuity that allows him to be replicated to a maximum of an infinite number of times,” grinned Death. “So deploy the Snattle Launcher!”

The operators all pressed a button simultaneously. On the exterior of the massive ship, the very pinnacle slid open as a large cannon silently rose out of the now-exposed hull. It was very elaborate; wires and pipes ran all over it, giving it the appearance of deadly, despite the fact that most of it was simply for aesthetics.

“Fire when ready!” Death yelled as Verve unsteadily climbed atop his shoulders.

The massive cannon positioned itself to where the barrel was aimed directly at a largish cluster of Them.

As all the pipes hissed, tubes glowed with semitransparent, Technicolor energy. After a brief pause, a figure was launched out of the barrel and the cannon reset itself, ready to fire another.

As Snattle shot through the air, Morph Suit clinging firmly to his body, his cape was thrown off and his hair whipped around wildly. His glasses shot off, revealing some very odd eyes. “I EILL BE GOVERNOR OF ORRE!” he declared prominently. “MY AMBITION DECLARES IT AS A STATEMENT OF PRETENTIOUS FACT!”

He collided with Them, and exploded, leaving nothing but ashes, scrap metal, and a wild cape.

“Fire again!” exclaimed Death, delighted.

“We might live! We might live!” chanted Verve, Lavie, and Ran as they danced around in circles.

“Sir, there’s a problem!” reported one of the operators. “Apparently a small pod has decked on the starboard valve, and has boarded the ship!”

Death glanced at his comerades as they came to a silent agreement. The fice raced out of the chamber and headed toward the elevator shaft.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, Rath, here we are, the last defense between the headquarters and Zub.” Rath smiled like he wanted desperately to smash somebody’s skeletal structure. “Justy would be so proud of us right now.”

Ashleigh was silent apart from the previous statement as she rode her chair atop Rath’s shoulders through the long hallway. She was told to meet up with Matrin [she had no idea how she would find him], escape [she had no idea how to do this], then destroy the battleship [this too she hadn’t the foggiest idea on how to do].

Foolproof plan.

Then she heard voices and indicated for Rath to duck behind a pile of Trubbish.

“I see you brought a lady friend,” Death noted teasingly to Ran, who had brought along Minka, who was definitely a preexisting character, along with the group.

Ran shrugged and blushed. “We’re engaged!” he exclaimed suddenly.

“That was sudden,” Death said in reference to how sudden the sudden proclamation was.

“Very sudden,” Lavie agreed.

“Did ‘sudden’ suddenly stop sounding like a real word to anyone else just now?” Verve asked.

Zub walked along in silence, being unable to talk and all. He noticed something behind a pile of Trubbish, but figured it as nothing.

“There’s no one here,” Death said.

“Aww, look. Everyone has a love interest now! How cute!” swooned Ashleigh as she stepped out from behind the Trubbish, with Rath following suit. She glanced over at Zub. “Oh, except Zub. But that, I suppose, is because no one likes you.” She made a broad gesture. “No one likes any of you guys either, but you make some really cute couples!” she offered helpfully.

“That did nothing to help my low self esteem,” Minka sighed.

Ran patted her. “There, there, my sweet Russain android. Maybe we should slow down,” he said, realized there was a pun there, and fell over laughing, and promptly died.

“We’re not a couple!” Lavie said defensively.

Ashleigh shrugged. “You two look like a couple.”

“And you look like a-“ Death growled before being cut off by Lavie, who yelled “Language!”

“And you two act like a couple,” Ashleigh continued.

“And you act like a-“ began Lavie, before she was cut off by Death.

Ashleigh smiled at this. “You two are so cute together!”

“Death rubbed the back of his neck and blushed, something very difficult for a skull. “I guess I wouldn’t mind being a couple….”

Lavie stared at him.

Sheepishly he shrugged. “What? For all you know, we could belong together like jelly, and…. more jelly!”

This time everyone stared at him.

“I’m allergic to peanuts,” he said shamefully.

“RAUAURGH RAWOOORGA WOO!” Rath grunted.

Ashleigh frowned. “Rath is right. We have to pummel you all now.”

Rath raised his fists and let out an unholy snarl as he charged at the group. Verve ducked between his legs and ran to Ashleigh.

“Hello, Ashleigh,” he said as he began playing a violin. “How’ve you been holding up?”

“Matrin?” she asked.

Verve absently pulled a top hat out of nowhere and put it on over his curly blonde hair. Before him, Death punched straight through a wall as he attempted to smash our heroes.

“The one and theoretically only,” he grinned.

“Wanna do a magic trick and spice things up for us?” Ashleigh asked, broadly grinning.

Matrin took off his hat, shook it so that a few hundred Lopunny poured out, then put it on again. “My pleasure.”

Suddenly all the combatants disappeared. A Regirock, Togekiss, Jynx, and Miltank had all been summoned out to engage in the fighting as well, though they too disappeared inexplicably.

“Where’d they go?” Ashleigh asked.

“They’re still there,” shrugged Matrin as he reached a crescendo on his violin. “I just made them invisible.”

“INFIDEL! REVEAL YOURSELF!” roared a bodiless voice as a massive dent appeared unfortunately close to Ashleigh.

“Can they not see each other?” she asked worriedly.

“No, Regirock’s just stupid,” sighed Matrin.

“This is the cheapest fight scene, ever,” sighed Ashleigh.

“Rath! Try to think!” exclaimed the voice of Death. “Use reason! Be free!”

“PHREH?!” he asked.

“Free!” Ran said. “Normally, I’d be against it, but in this case, think about it! Why do you do what you do?”

“AUDUNO” Rath shouted as a very audible crunch was heard.

“Think! Try to use imagination!” urged Death.

Rath could be heard stopping in his tracks. “UHM…. EURGH…” he muttered before he crashed into a wall, leaving a sizable dent in it.

“AAAAAURGH!” he screamed. Suddenly his footsteps were filled with much more force and frenzy.

“Oh no, he’s angry again! We’re back where we started!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s much worse now!”

Upon closer inspection, Ran saw that Death was indeed correct. “I see that you are indeed correct,” he said. “My bad.”

“I feel like such a Ford,” scowled Death. The ‘scowled’ bit is just a guess; honestly, I’ve not the faintest idea about what he presently looks like.

“Ashleigh, I have a question,” squeaked Minka from somewhere within the fray. “Why do you guys do what you do?”

Ashleigh stopped and considered. “Well, Rath just likes smashing things. I’m here for the decent hours and good pay, I think Bel just does it because it’s fun, and Matrin…. why do you do this, Matrin?”

“It gives me hats on TF2 in exchange for my service,” Matrin shrugged.

“He gives you hats on TF2 for your service?” asked Ashleigh in disbelief.

“Wait, where did Matrin come from?” asked Death.

“How’s the battle going?” asked Ashleigh. “I’ll be honest; I’ve no idea.”

Little did Ashleigh know, a panel in the ceiling over her head slid open.

“Well, let’s just put it this way; if we were all potatoes, we would all be very damaged potatoes, with the exception of Minka.”

“I do so ever like literary devices,” said Matrin nonchalantly.

“This is so un-fabulous! I command that you dance!”

Ashleigh leaned up against a nearby wall. “Did you say something, Matrin?”

“That would be my funky-fresh words!” proclaimed Miror B. as he slipped out of the ceiling and onto Ashleigh’s shoulders, forcing her to give him a Grumpiggyback ride.

“Get off me, you freak!” she screech as she blindly stumbled into walls, his hands obscuring her vision.

“Dance for me, Charlie!” Miror B. cackled.

Finally, Matrin’s spell wore off, and everyone remained in full sight once more. Derpy Moos, battered and beaten, lied dazed in a corner, softly humming ‘The Imperial March’. Lavie’s Togekiss was attacking the Regirock as Suckish was taking it head on against Rath.

“Suckish, you might not suck that much a little bit maybe after all,” said Death approvingly. Suckish turned at him and blew a kiss.

Lavie frowned. “Does Suckish do that to everything?”

A chef ran down the corridor to supply food and supplies. Suckish curiously checked out a large slab of steak with a passion burning in her eyes.

“Suckish, stop flirting with the meat,” Death growled.

The Jynx pulled itself away from the meat glumly and tackled Rath once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nob patrolled up and down his office. “If we’re going to smash all their faces in with only a maximum of four hammers, we’ll definitely need some string, several dozen llamas, and a lot of paddles. But the paddles aren’t for us.”

Debbie stared at him. “What else would the paddles be used for? ….Oh.” suddenly his look if curiosity dissolved into a look of mild interest and also disturbance.

“And from there, we crush them good and even!” Nob declared.

Debbie adjusted his blouse. “Do you have a role model~”

Nob smiled. “Sun Tzu. My mentor told me he invented fighting, and beat up lots of animals.”

Debbie smiled. “Mighty impressive, for someone so dead~

Nob shrugged as an operator burst in. “More intruders that need to be taken care of!” he panted, having apparently run all the way to his destination.

“CAN WE KILL THEM?!” asked Nob excitedly.

The operator nodded. “They’re a trio of new characters. What has eben out of work for seven years, and the other two are… interesting.”

“Interesting~?” winked Debbie.

“Go see for yourself.”


TIME PASSES
AND WE DO NOT HAVE THE FUNDS TO PROPERLY EXPRESS IT
SO ALL YOU HAVE IS THIS LOUSY NOTE
-Germaine and Rectangle

Debbie and Nob marched through a listless solid metal corridor, humming the spectacular Zub: The Adventures of Stuff theme song.

“Gee, I sure do wish we had a theme song so that we would be humming an actual tune instead of a low resonance of impeding terror~” commented Debbie offhandedly.

Nob greed, clearly not understanding what Debbie just said. He continued the resonance.

Suddenly, a large green man appeared before them, wearing nothing but a cape and a regal kilt. His green complexion appeared almost scaly in a fearsome fashion, but not overbearingly so. His pale yellow eyes were full of distate and anger, his red pupils completing the look. He also had a large serpentine tail in the place of legs, but that’s not that important.

But worst of all, he had a hideous combover.

“I am Quozmir, the Fanfician god of…. OVERUSED PUNCTUATION!!!!” bellowed his rasping voice.

“Don’t I know you?” Nob asked hesitantly.

“No,” replied Quozmir rather quickly.

“I do! I remember you from my childhood! You were in that one show, [CONTENT REMOVED; LEGAL INFORMATION CONTAINED]!”

Quozmir sheepishly rubbed his neck. “I was…. what’s the term?”

“Ingested?” offered Nob.

“Drunk~?” added Debbie.

“Yes! I was DRUNK!” Quozmir declared, before realizing what he said. “No, wait…”

“Laid off?” Nob tried.

“Ah, yes! I was laid off! One of these days, I really will have to get a dictionary….” he mumbled.

“Can I call you Herbert?” Nob asked, interrupting the god’s train of thoughts.

“No.”

“Whatever you say…. Herbert.”

“I said NO!” Herbert exclaimed, nostrils mysteriously flaming. “And don’t you start on me, narrator!”

The narrator takes this opportunity to wonder what Herbert could possibly do!!!!!!

The narrator then takes this moment to see what he has done!!!!

“TAKE THAT!!!!” Herbert announced in a decretory fashion.

“Anyway, I’ll need to stall you before my reinforcements arrive… You’re quite troublesome.” intoned Herbert.

“We are NOT!” protested Nob.

“Go, the infamous Hypocrisy Hippowdon!” cried Herbert as he threw a Pokémon. A large yellow flesh monster appeared, with bits of grey armour covering it. Its hazy red eyes seemed to glare at everything as sand poured out its back.

“Prepositions are not something to end sentences with,” he snarled at Debbie ferociously.

“Aurgh~! This is HORRIBLE~!” he exclaimed.

They Hypocrisy Hippowdon turned to Nob.

“I respect your opinion, but your opinion is unrespectable.”

Nob clutched his face in his hands. “THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!” he roared.

The Hypocrisy Hippowdon got an evil grin and turned to Herbert. “You are such a hypocrite,” it said smoothly.

“You monster!” Herbert screamed as he swayed on his table, which was now trembling.

“Hypocrite,” the Hypocritical Hippowdon glowered.

“I know! I’ll use an idea totally not taken from my nemsis!” Herbert decided. Ingeniously, Herbert fashioned a high pressure water cannon using nothing but duct tape, an Emolga, and a high pressure water cannon. Securing the Emolga into place atop the water cannon via duct tape, Herbert took aim and fired water rat the Hippowdon, reducing it to little more than sand.

“We make a great team,” he sighed contentedly. “Well, I bet you’re all wondering why I did that.”

“Yes, we are,” Nob agreed as he began recovering from the onslaught.

“Good to know,” Herbert nodded.

“I hope you realize we can no longer trust you~” Debbie cried out happily.

“Did the narration say ‘happily’? What could make you say that happily?!” demanded Herbert.

“We will have to confine you,” Debbie gtrinned maliciously as he threw a Pok 33ball at Herbert, imprisoning him instantly.

“That seemed easy,” Nob shrugged.

“Apparently, the next invaders we need to take care of are criminals. How exciting~” Debbie said with mild amusement as he took out a sheet of paper with a list of offenses on it.

A man and a woman slowly stalked down a neighboring hallway toward them with an air of regality.

“I’m Debbie, and this is No~” Debbie began before getting cut off by Nob.

“Noah,” Nob said hurriedly. To Debbie, he harshly whispered, “This isn’t some stupid video game! Don’t just be throwing my name around like that!”

Debbie shot back a simple, “No, it’s not a stupid video game, it’s a stupid fanfiction~!” before returning to their guests. “And who might you be~?”

“I am Baron von Majestic!” exclaimed the woman in her regal robes. “Vice Commander of your demise!”

“And I’m Marco!” her husband waved merrily.

Baron von Majestic shook her head. “My husband is an idiot. He’s a liar. His real name is Baron von Awesome Death Bringer of Lack of Adequate Descriptions Describing His Deathliness de Smith. Or just Baron von Awesome for short.”

Baron von Awesome blushed. “You give me too much credit,” he said modestly.”

“Either way, your list of criminal offenses are astounding, sir,” said Debby as he donned a pair of reading glasses to further investigate the list. “Manslaughter, severe bombing of multiple cities, countless massacres, hijacking airplanes, terrorism, and an extremely poor taste in music.”

“I told you that would be our downfall one day,” Baron von Majestic glowered. “I mean, country[/]?! Really now!”

“It was a good idea back in the eighteenth century. Remember that Lincoln fellow? He didn’t believe us, said he was too busy inventing some ridiculous invention called ‘stairs’. We showed him!”

“Stairs became a vital instrument to society throughout the years~” Debbie said. “Your music taste is horrible and has no excuse though, so we’ll have to annihilate you~!”

“Seems harsh,” noted Baron von Awesome.

“Very,” agreed his wife.

“Extremely~!” agreed Debbie. “But still, it’s a necessity~!”

“Except, there’s one small thing.” Baron von Majestic grinned. “You can’t kill us, missy!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the ship, Lavie, Zub, Ran, Minka, Death, Lavie, and Zub were still fighting Matrin, Ashleigh, and Rath. Matrin had unleashed his ultimate weapon; the Growlithe of Many Distractions.

“That Growlithe is so…. Growlithe shaped, it’s uncanny!” gaped Ran.

“Wouldn’t that just make it a Growlithe-shaped Growlithe?” mused Death. “Which is then just a Growlithe, no?”

Lavie scowled. “You guys are both idiots. The Growlithe is clearly Arcanine shaped.”

Ran shook his head in wonder. “Nature is amazing.”

“Should we be focused on something now?” Death asked as he admired the adorability of the Growlithe that was now scratching itself.

“I don’t know; should we?” asked Lavie.

“You’re all idiots!” exclaimed a voice as a Gallade swooped in and defeated the Growlithe with a single swipe. Its bladed hands reached behind it to pull on a zipper, revealing it was, in fact, Bel herself. She then shot out a Pokéball containing Gallade, making one wonder what the thought process behind her entrance was in the first place.

“Why hasn’t he let go?!” demanded Ashleiogh as she desperately attempted to wrench Miror B. off her face. Eff Ecks had also leapt onto Matrin’s head, but somehow the magician seemed not to notice, idly shuffling cards in his hands.

“Hey Bel,” he said in an easygoing voice. “What brings you here?”

Bel stared him down. “Just the simple fact that you should have destroyed this place and escaped by now!”

“Technical difficulties,” Matrin said simply, gesturing bleakly to the man covering his head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We’ve been cursed,” admitted Baron von Majestic. “In exchange for a handsome sum of money and immortality, whenever we are lit on fire someone in the world writes a horrible country-hip-hop-folk song about our accolades.”

Debbie’s mouth flew open! “That’s horrible~!” she sympathized.

Baron von Awesome walked over and patted him lightly. “It is indeed, little lady.”

Nob sighed. “So, are you going to intrude or what?”

The Barons simultaneously waved the question aside. “We already did!” Baron von Majestic smiled. “So with that, I bid you, adieu!”

The two walked off and jumped into the airlock.

“That’s a tad disappointing,” noted Debbie sadly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“A little shabbier than I recall. A lot more fires, and a hella lotta holes,” noted a voice in calm as it slowly boarded the central hatch.

“If I recall, this is the result of your plan[/i].”

“Well, Mewtwo, there’s a good reason fpr that, and that is-“

“Shut up with your idiocy, doctor. I am here to find Mew, and to find Mew only.”

Dr. Zubious stared hard. “No one else is this rude on this fic,” he grumbled dejectedly as he led Mewtwo on board.

“No one else is a giant muscular purple cat. Also everyone else on this fic is an idiot.”

“Moot point,” ceded the doctor. “But [i]I have a PhD!”

“In stupidity, no doubt.”

Dr. Zubious frowned at him. “That was supposed to be revealed later.”

“I’m sure,” Mewtwo said in a voice that revealed he was not at all.

“Just do your job,” scowled Dr. Zubious. “And you get Mew back.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Pretend it’s a taco,” Death said irritably.

“For the last time, no!” exclaimed Lavie. “Just open the hatch so we can all go back to bed!”

Death tried the doorknob, an unusual site amongst hatches. “It’s locked,” he said resolutely. “How do you open locked doors?”

“With a [i]key?” asked Lavie.

“A what now?” asked Ran and Death simultaneously. Zub and Minka also expressed similar confusion.

Lavie tried her key. “It won’t work,” she noted. “Just keep calm, and breathe steadily, don’t hyperventilate…”

“Breathe?” asked Minka, Ran, and Death. Zub stared at her in perplexion.

“I thought they were joking when the job application said you guys were all idiots!” she said in exasperation.

An operator ran into the airlock. “Altitude is dropping critically! We’re crash-landing into that hill on the island below!”

“Hill?” asked Death.

“Island?” inquired Ran.

“Below?” wondered Minka. “Gravity is so silly here!”

“We’re going to die!” Ran exclaimed. “Well, I will come back, and Death and Lavie are immortal, and Minka is made out of titanium, so I guess it’s just Zub that will die, but still….”

This is because the universe hates Zub.

The ship crashed as it blew into flaming debris.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey guys, guess what? BADABOOM!” exclaimed the author as the ship suddenly was extinguished and landed normally.

“How the-?!” demanded all present.

“I used my authorly powers, duh,” said the Author.

“They were taken away, weren’t they?!” demanded Death.

“Naw. I just forgot about them.”

Ran’s eye twitched. “So all this time, you could have done a snap of your fingers and saved us, while we’ve been risking everything for you?!”

“Yup, pretty much. You guys are idiots. You’re lucky I’m doing this for community service, or else no one would take you in.”

Death sniffled. “That stung.”

“You’re doing this for community service?” she asked imploringly.

“Tell you about it later,” he promised, then pointed to the bleak and ashen landscape around them. The island had clearly seen heavy war, and probably once harboured a great city, judging by the ruinous shapes surrounding them. Far from them, a very large wooden bridge connected the island to a much smaller one. Atop the other island was a massive grey tower that loomed beyond the sky.

“Welcome to Isla de Fallecimiento, home to the mysterious Titanic Tower, Their headquarters.” the Author said solemnly.











“I’m still mad about that whole forgotten powers thing,” Death said crossly, completely ruining the cliffhanger’s desired mood.

Zibdas
2nd November 2012, 7:49 AM
Chapter 32: The Culmination
Finale Part II

In the middle of a large, smoking field surrounded by smoldering ruins sat a rabbit.

The rain made the smoldering ruins hiss.

The rabbit was also very sad. A sad, sad, sad little rabbit.

You may have heard this scenario before, but this was not an emperor rabbit.

This rabbit was a sad little rabbit, stating it redundantly.

This rabbit was also Zub.

But before we can tell you that story, first we must tell you this story.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What a dramatically long and ominous pathway to our doom,” the Author mused as they marched.

“Oh yes, so dramatic. We’ve been walking for two hours now and are only now reaching the bridge,” Death said irritably.

“And it’s been so dramatic!” insisted the author.

It is here that we at Zub: The Adventures of Stuff welcome you to the last chapter, the grand finale.
Unless we decide to divide it into more parts.

“It really is quite tedious,” said Lavie supportively.

“And that’s my fault how?” the Author demanded.

“No one insinuated that it was your fault.”

Throughout its entirety, Zub has been fun to narrate. And today will be the day it all ends

“Oh, yes you did.”

Ran sighed. “You’re oddly paranoid.”

Whether everyone dies horribly, or they succeed, or it turns out to all have been a dream, will all be revealed today.

Dramatic, isn’t it?

The Author scowled. “Can you blame me? I want to kill this jerk that stole my spotlight!”

This is the part where you agree with the narrator and say, “Yes, it is.”
Or else.

Zub was oddly silent throughout all this. Or at least that’s what I would say, were he to be able to speak. As this is the final chapter, I feel inclined to reiterate the fact that he has Clichedprotaganitis, a horribly ailment that causes him to not only follow an excessive amount of overused clichés, but also causes him to be mute.

“You were really more of a minor character before,” drawled Death listlessly. “You really didn’t affect the plot nor did you help us at all, really.”

The Author made an offending gesture that we could not reproduce due to not only its offensiveness but also its poor taste, but said nothing in his defense.

“And you left a lot of things go in lack of memory,” Death continued. “Like Miror B.’s shiny Rayquaza, Eff Ecks’ giant Registeel-“

“I get the point,” the Author said icily.

“I’m sure,” agreed Lavie. They had conversed so long they were now at the far island, the end of the bridge. Before them sat a massive grey tower, size easily being triple of Unova’s infamous Unity Tower.

“Who’s ready to hopefully not die?” the Author asked reassuringly.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bel, Matrin, Ashleigh and Rath stood on a balcony overlooking the front of the stormy, grey island, having escaped the exploding Miror Battleship offscreen.

“This is it,” whistled Bel cheerfully. “Either they die or we do.”

“Man, I love the smell of the potential to be maimed horribly in the mid-afternoon,” Matrin said pleasantly.

Ashleigh climbed onto Rath’s shoulder-mounted command chair. “I wonder how Justy is doing now?” she swooned.

“Auuurghabbbadabbs,” Rath said poetically, somewhat ruining the moment.

Matrin peered through his spyglass. “It looks like they’re doing a dramatic recap of the story thus far. It might take a while,” he noted dejectedly before slumping against the cold metallic railing lining the balcony.

“Anyone up for a game of Scrabble while we wait?” Ashleigh asked, kicking out a Scrabble board and resting it on Rath’s back, who was apparently now on all fours.

“Don’t you dare play ‘philanthropy’ again,” Bel growled as she drew out her lucky Scrabble tile stand.

“Don’t hate the playah, hate the game!” grinned Ashleigh cheekily, eyeing her tiles.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I hate the player,” Ran snarled. “If we were in a video game or something, I mean.” He pointed to a stack of crates. “He’d probably make me break all those!”

“I know what you mean,” rumbled a voidless voice that rumbled like the strum of an acoustic guitar.

“Who’s there?” asked the Author nervously.

“I am - - -.” stated - - - with majestic grace. “Another of Its hired meat and lord of video game antagonist clichés.”

“Shouldn’t your title be capitalized?” asked Lavie.

“Hold up a sec,” said Death. “Is that pronounced hyphen-hyphen-hyphen or dash-dash-dash or-“

“You are overthinking it,” said - - -. “It is pronounced just as - - -.”

“- - -,” repeated Death. “Huh. You think the readers will have any trouble announciating that?”

Ran and Lavie glanced at you before simultaneously saying, “Nah.”

“Well alright then,” said Death. “To the stairs!”

As they reached the stairs however, the stairs all exploded. Zub drew a Pokéball and stared at - - -, who shrugged. “It’s all in the script,” he said pointedly in his defense.

Zub squinted suspiciously.

Death, however, was incredulous. “A script?! We once tried reading that junk once before, and it didn’t work!”

- - - shrugged. “It did for me, it seems.”

Death was now furious. “Gemini, destroy this creep!” he yelled before Zub could throw his own Pokéball. Zub instead went and sat in a corner.

“Czy zabicie czasu? Oh, mam więc nadzieję, że tak jest! Mój krwiożerczy wąsów ból do morderstwa!” Gemini shrieked in delight.

“You said you would stop doing that,” scowled Death. “Regardless, Shadow Claw, now, on that fool!” The Sableye grinned deviously, extending a claw. The talons emanated a hellish purple aura as they grew out. In a second, he leapt at - - - and struck.

- - - seemed to take the attack rather well, however. “Is that all you have?” he asked, picking up the Gem Pokémon by the scruff of its neck. “Begone!” it cackled as it hurled Gemini into Death.

Scrambling back to his feet, Death garbled a drunken slur, something that translated vaguely to “That all you got, chicken lad?”

“No,” shrugged - - -. “Ultimate Attack That Involves Shouting Names With Many Capitals That is Super Awesome Mega Death-Defying Death-Bringing Flaming Awesome Mega Radical Heartbreaking Damaging Doom-Bringing Armageddon-Sounding Punch With an Excessive Amount of Adjectives!” cried out - - - as his fist was coated in a pristine coat of white flame. With great force, he brought it forward into Zub, the only mortal character left, who was still moping in the corner.

“Overkill and out to kill,” muttered Ran.

“The narration is right; we have an oddly wide range of immortal protagonists….” the Author took to note.

“Is that so wrong?” groaned Death as he attempted to nurse his aching side. Lavie watched tentatively from a distance.

“I’d help, but you know….” she shrugged. Death gave a crooked smile before collapsing.

Zub raised a shaking arm dramatically into the air before collapsing. This was a very insignificant event, and in fact nobody paid it any attention, but I just thought you might find it interesting. Or maybe you don’t. Nothing can be helped.

“Oh, a quick idea I saw while reading your origin,” the Author smiled as he picked u Ran, creating a corpse or two in the process. With a few tweaks to Ran’s Cossack Blaster on his arm, he threw Ran towards - - -.

Ran exploded in a fiery inferno if imminent destruction and chaos.

At this, - - -‘s eyes turned a brilliant hue of crimson as they were enveloped in flame. His previously pale skin turned a shade of red so bright it almost glowed. His muscles began rippling as he let out an infernal roar.

“I’ve seen this before!” exclaimed Death, rising steadily. “This means he’ll either explode, become twice as hard to beat, or restore health points!” Deciding the last one was most likely, Death ran forward and bit the newborn monstrosity, which I will now refer to as ‘Muscle - - - of Doom’ for clarity’s sake.

Upon noticing there was now a pair of teeth now firmly clamped to his upper bicep, Muscle - - - of Doom picked up Death and hurled him into the stone wall hard enough to smash through it.

“Ow….” he moaned as he checked for broken bones. “What is this wall made of, antimatter?”

“Ebonstone,” grunted Muscle - - - of Doom as he charged to his death.



Oh, I see. Ha ha. Stop laughing Germaine, it’s not funny.

Regardless, Muscle - - - collided into Death with such force, some of the fire spilled out of his eye socked and onto his flesh.

“Remember when I mentioned that everything was made of Explodium?” the Author chuckled. “This is what I meant.”

- - -, whom had returned to normal state, was thrown into the air, convulsing and hideously twitching.

Then he exploded in a shower of food, missiles, ammo, and small bouncing yellow triangles.

“Why did he have food and missiles inside him?” asked Lavie in disgust. “Even a pristine roast beef dinner?”

“He did say he was Lord of Video Game Antagonist Clichés…” muttered Ran.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She played ‘philanthropy’ again!” screamed Bel in rage.

“Not my fault,” pouted Ashleigh. “I only had the letters to play this and this only.”

“You could’ve easily played ‘phil’ or ‘ant’ or ‘happily’ or even just the word “I!” came the harsh reply.

“I seriously doubt those are even words,” Ashleigh said condescendingly.

“And Rath, please stop playing the word ‘grah,’ it’s not even in the dictionary,” asked Matrin politely.

“GRAH!” roared Rath in an effort to show he understood one word of that sentence.

“No grah!” Matrin shouted hopefully.

“GRAAAAH!” came the reply.

“NO GRAAAAH EITHER!” Matrin said in exasperation. “Adding extra letters does not make it a new word!”

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” disagreed Rath very politely. “GRAH GRAH grah GRAAAH!”

“That was uncalled for!” the magician pointed out in an upset tone.

“Grah,” replied the dumb muscle smugly.

“Would you both please shut up?” asked Bel sincerely. “That way I won’t have to kill you.”

“Grah,” said Rath in disappointed sadness. Matrin merely shrugged and played ‘lemon’ for one-hundred and eighty points.

“I despise you,” Ashleigh threw out helpfully.

“The feeling is mutual,” Matrin replied sincerely. “I’m here for only the hats.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Death, Lavie, Ran, and the Author sped up the stairs.

“We’re not forgetting anything, are we?” panted the Author.

Death thought for a moment, then replied as he gasped for air. “I highly doubt it,” he gasped.

Somewhere, at the bottom of the tower, an unconscious Zub shed an unconscious tear that was promptly rushed to the emergency room and treated for many months until it was relieved of its coma. Zub, however, remained forgotten.

“Yup,” Death corrected. “Definitely not.”

The Author shrugged and continued running.

Slowly but steadily, they reached the second floor, which was, inconveniently, a massive three hundred feet above the base floor. The chamber was unmarked save for a small doorway cut into the rock; no stairs nor decoration were present in any form.

“Tricky,” said Lavie. “Clearly there is some kind of puzzle to unlock the stairs.”

The Author nodded. “Could it be some sort of hidden lever that would cause them to slide out of the wall?”

Ran glanced around. “If there is, it seems like it will be a lot of effort to find,” he sighed.

Lavie began to interject when she was cut off by Death. “Or we can go see what’s out there.”

The rest of the party shrugged and followed him out, where they came face-to-face with a ragtag group of rugged mercenaries. The first one seemed like an ordinary teenager, sporting the latest in fashion trends and long, blended pink hair She had two straps bound over her adorable blouse, one holstering a variety of mysterious poisons and elixirs, the other carrying potent Pokéballs and grenades.

The one next to her was a living wall of meaty muscle, each rippling with sheer strength. His face displayed only stupidity and also pure lust for destruction. He moved with aggression and swiftness, the intent to kill.

Across the table from him, another was decked out in a luxurious suit, piercing blue eyes complementing his sandy blonde hair perfectly while also reflecting a sinister disposition from within. He hid his inner motivations and deep inclinations behind a façade of fake emotions, most notably the warm, broad smile he held.

The last toted twin swords and had platinum blonde that was alluringly dangerous. Her cold, calculating eyes seemed to pierce right through any soul contemplating your weaknesses and how to easily destroy you.

They all sat threateningly, all completely enveloped in their ultimate challenge…

A game of Scrabble.



To make this far more intimidating I will call it…. Scrabble.
TO THE DEATH!

“What should we do?!” gasped Lavie in despair.

“Stall them. I have a plan,” whispered Death as he slunk into the shadows.

Bel finally noticed the newcomers. “You again!” she spat.

“You’re trying to distract us,” Ashleigh said edgily as she played ‘philanthropy’ again.

“Us again!” confirmed Lavie happily.

“You’re missing some people,” noted Matrin, not looking up.

“Says you!” countered Ran ecstatically.

“Says me,” agreed Matrin.

“I don’t believe you,” Ran said simply, crossing his arms.

Matrin sighed a resigned “You wouldn’t,” and played ‘enharmonics’.

Then the balcony exploded, sending the four tumbling below.

“I was about to win!” cursed Ashleigh as she fell.

“How convenient,” Ran said. “What are the odds of that happening?”

Death suddenly appeared. “Not high,” he admitted.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time passes as they climb more stairs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/center[

The four of our heroes cascaded to the top floor, a spacious and air chamber. On the far side a hallway extended, presumably to Its chamber. The hall they were currently in looped around the chamber, forming a donut.

“Wait,” noted Lavie. “Whatever happened to Nob and all those who said they would help us?”

“Oh, they are,” promised the Author, coming up with something that totally wasn’t a lie made up on the spot at all. “They are laying waste to Lilycome again, so our army is defending it.”

“Oh, good.”

With that out of the way, the heroes burst into Its chamber.

A large velvet chair on the far side of the room looked into a big TV screen made to look like a window. It had a frame around it, something rather stupid for a TV dressed as a window. Slowly, the chair spun around to set the mood for drama, and a fish with scales of solid gold gleamed in the chair.

“Hello darlings,” It said suavely. “Here to stop me, are you?”

“Yes,” Death said bluntly, avoiding the pre-battle battle of wits that would accompany the final duel in any work of fiction but this one.

It glared at him. “I like the battle of wits,” he growled.

“That’s nice,” said Ran nonchalantly. “Look, can we get this over soon? I have a date at nine.”

It glared at them all before sighing. “Whatever. I have been working on a way to resurrect me in my true form; something impossible were it not for all the seals placed on highly powerful creatures.”

“Highly powerful creatures….?” asked Lavie.

“But of course. The same ones you defeated for me.”

“Dog gonnit,” swore Death.

It somehow managed to draw a Pokéball and throw it at the heroes. Death attempted to smoothly dodge it, and succeeded, but was promptly blasted in the face, forcing him into a wall. “Gotcha,” It hissed evilly.

“Now where did It get a cheesecake launcher from?” Death wondered dazedly.

The Author blinked guiltily.

Lavie had meanwhile drawn a Pokéball and thrown it to counter whatever It had thrown at them. Ran, doing likewise, summoned Ranshao the Magmar to assist Lavie’s Togekiss.

Dear reader, if I were you, I’d put on some coolio music, because we saved the entire budget of the series for this fight. THIS IS WHY WE’VE BEEN SO POOR, RIGHT HERE FOLKS.

Togekiss and Ranshao stood in opposition of the newly called forth Salamence and the Hydreigon that had previously only been alluded to. The Hydreigon let out a shrill call of a roar, sharp and high but still powerful. The Salamence leaned forward and let forth a barrage of Dragonbreath, not taking the time to even introduce itself. How uncouth.

Togekiss swiftly dodged this, gallantly gliding into the spacious chamber. A simple finger wag beckoned Salamence forth. Salamence, who could not simply ignore a taunt, took off flying after Togekiss.

Meanwhile, Ranshao was dealing with Hydreigon, who was repeatedly spamming Surf. As they were in high elevation, the water he summoned did not arrive, but still somehow Ranshao took damage.

“Ranshao, what are you doing?” cried Ran in desperation.

Ranshao quacked and shrugged.

Meanwhile, Death and the Author were not faring so well against Its cheesecake bonanza. Creamy desserts flew in every direction as the two nimbly attempted to avoid the incoming cheesecake.

“This seriously sucks and is kinda embarrassing,” wept Death.

“I know!” exclaimed the Author. “Why don’t we take out his cannon? Then he can’t shoot anymore?”

Death admitted this was a god idea, and charged at the golden fish, who, upon realizing what was happening, fired more rapidly. Death and the Author endured, however, and finally captured the fish, punting him away from the launcher just as his two dragons were inexplicably defeated. In a final gambit, It pulled out a small greyn box with a single button, pressed it, and grinned.

“I have extracted that essence to return me to full power fully and deposited it into the bottom of the pit that’s opening behind me,” It smiled warmly, full of confidence.

The floor of the middle of the round chamber finished silently sliding open, and at the very bottom Death could vaguely see a misty purple substance.

“Not on my watch,” Lavie said heroically as she withdrew a stapler from her fanny pack and stapled It to the ground.

It smiled. “Is this all?” It laughed. It flopped around for a bit. “Kinda snug, come to think of it…. but it won’t be enough.”

“Says you!” exclaimed Lavie as she ran down the stairs, confident of having won.

“Says me,” smiled It.

Suddenly, Zub flew out of no where, and in a triumphant return, kicked It directly in the face with the base of his shoe, instantly defeating It and catapulting It….


…Right into the pit.

“Oops,” gasped Death.

“Oops,” agreed Ran with beef.

“How do you agree with beef?” Death wondered. Nobody knows, Death.

The Author had fallen silent, agape.

Then it happened. Or, more precisely, It happened.

A single organic blade shot out of the abyss, connected into a fattened, fleshy tentacle. The blade itself was adorned with smaller spikes and curved to resemble a scythe or scimitar.

Another bladed tentacle propelled itself into the chamber, embedded itself into a wall as the first one had, and inhuman noises could be heard. Two more tentacles shot out, until they could be visibly seen flexing, desperately trying to pull something out.

And they succeeded.

They strained themselves to oblivion, and just when it seemed they would be shaken loose of their footing (so to speak), a titanic fleshy monster rose out of the abyss. Its entire was too horrible to speak of, so I won’t mention it. However, it did have a multitude of smaller tentacles, and two large hands that ended in what seemed to be crab claws. Small beady eyes and a large toothy mouth grinned down on the heroes. “Hullo,” It said pleasantly.

Everyone stood solemnly, agape and in horror.

“I’ll be quite honest, I think you definitely should not have gotten this far,” It said in a distinct British accent (of which no one had heard of) as It donned a monocle and top hat.

“I’m not quite sure what you’re getting at,” admitted Ran.

“Don’t you see?” asked Its true form. “You weren’t supposed to work! You could not have worked!”

“What do you mean?” Ran asked, slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst.

It rounded on him. “You fail to realize, Cossack, that I was the one who sent you here to kill them, knowing that it wouldn’t work. You failed, like I planned. And you joined them, as I suspected. But to have gotten along with them? It was impossible!”

“But-“ Death interrupted before befalling the same fate himself.

“And, Death. Poor old fellow,” It snarled. “You were supposed to have killed Zub. But it seems I did not count on you forgetting what happened before you died… your bottled anger would have made you kill him on the spot.”

“What do you mean?”

“Does the name… oh, what was it again? Alyx Pulchra? Does that name ring a bell?”

Death collapsed. “What… how did you… who is she?” he practically screamed. It ignored him and moved to Zub, his mirrored figure moving elegantly. “And Zub… have you ever wondered why you’ve never met anyone else with your… ah, unfortunate disease?”

Zub stared into his eyes, for once not even drinking any lemonade.

“Perhaps because it was, maybe, all destroyed long ago. Making it the disease that no longer exists…”

Zub continued to stare, unsure where this was going.

“…The kind of disease that could only be acquired if it was manually injected into you upon birth?”

Zub stared at him. Emotion didn’t come to him. He was numb.

“You see now, why this was doomed to fail!” It roared at the three gathered. “I sent countless things your way! I tore holes in the fabric of this fanfiction itself! But it didn’t work! Do you know why it didn’t work?!”

Everyone gathered watched his next words.

“Because you were all failures. You couldn’t even do what you didn’t realize you were supposed to do right” It said in barely more than a whisper. “The only reason you made it this far is because you could never do anything right!”

It used a claw to hastily rip open a wall. Down, far below the tower laid scenes of destruction; the admins of Them were collapsed and strewn about; dozens of drones and their Pokémon were either destroyed or unconscious beyond help, despite the fact they were not present in this chapter nor area until now. Buildings from a once beautiful city were in wreckage.

It turned around and gave them all a surprisingly warm smile. “But I must thank you,” It said earnestly.

“For what?” asked Death, trying with all his might to hold a straight face.

“For destroying the only three things that prevented me from escaping sooner,” It grinned.

“What are you talking about?” Death began before he was cut off by a wave of Its hand.

“This is oddly serious,” noted the Author.

“That is not important,” It grinned as it gained in size. “Do you know what is important though?! Do you yet realize you’ve come this far just to die?! Your demise is here, imbeciles! This is the moment your entire life has been leading up to, your destruction! What matters to me now is nothing but your lives ending. And end they shall.”

It, now a constantly growing monster, had by now cascaded out of the roof. Its eyes morphed into one as the top of its fishy head grew out long spiked tentacles. Layers upon layer of grotesque fat oozed out of its body as It roared.

“Gross,” Death said pointedly.

That was when the moment ws interrupted. Zubbot Steelpants came to the ir rescue in the form of a flaming meteor that smashed into Its side.

“Owie,” complained It.

Zubbot landed neatly and cracked a metallic grin. “New target acquired, Infidel” it said steely.

Dr. Zubious appeared next to Zubbot. “Excellent work, my metallic machine of metal,” he grinned.

It smiled. “Oh, I was waiting for this,” It grinned as it stumbled to get up, destroying a wall of they grey tower in the process. “I thought you might be a bit late, but this is ridiculous.”

The two newcomers stared at him. “What-“ was all they managed to say before a large swollen tentacle shot out of It, grabbed the to, and retreated to the recesses of flesh of the monstrosity.

Immediately It began to change. It seemed better built all of a sudden, flesh taking on a metallic sheen. It was sharper now, more streamlined, more sleek. It also seemed an infinite amount wiser, so prominent it was a physical change.

It had successfully absorbed Zubbot Steelpants and Doctor Zubious.



“Initiating laughter application; Initialization complete. HA. HA. HA. HA.” cackled the robotoicized It.

Death, acute senses of a dead person, noticed a small heating duct by some miracle. “We need to seal that up,” he muttered. “Some kind of cloth….?”

“How do you know?” Ran whispered back in skepticism.

“Saw it in a movie.”

“Works for me,” Ran shrugged.” Anyway, I’m a robot, so no clothes here.

Zub shook his head, as nudity, especially for the main character, is frowned upon in all 48 of the contiguous United States and Canada.

“I will make a sacrifice,” said Death solemnly, withdrawing his favourite Pikachu suit from within his robes. Taking careful aim, he through it at the duct.

The cloth was sucked into the intense heat and sparked a fire immediately. This blew off most of the Its armour, revealing a pristine, yel much weaker shell underneath.

“AHAHAHAHA!” Robo-It cackled. “Nothing can stop me now, now that I have my shell of no flaws, not even your best Dues Ex Machina!”

“Is that a challenge or a threat?” Death asked, raising something kind of like an eyebrow… maybe? I think?

“BOTH!” It cackled.

Death reacted strongly. “NEEEEEEEEEVVEEEEEEER!” he screamed.

Then he exploded and everything turned to mist around Zub.

Zub was also now a rabbit.

The entire Ebonstone tower had been decimated in the explosion, even the flooring, leaving nothing visible but Zub the very sad bunny surrounded by a smoldering, if not pleasant, meadow.

Zub wasn’t sure why he was sad, though. He just was.

Then It formed itself again. “Ow,” It admitted as It rubbed its head with a bladed tentacle.

Zub frowned and took the chance to throw a rock at it in vengeance for the terrible inconvenience and ultimate waste of two weeks of his life.

The previous explosion was not Its baited Deus Ex Machina; the fact that Zub had somehow managed to hit the monster’s one and only very specific weak spot that would revert it back to its fish form and render it immobile for an oddly specific 1,123,581,321 hours.

It groaned and hazily flopped about in the ruins of Its once great tower. Dr. Zubious and Zubbot were nowhere to be seen, mysterious as that is. It definitely won’t come up later as a plot point, so don’t count on that, of all things.

“How should we dispose of it?” Death asked, glowering at the thing, who had taken up its fish form again. Having inexplicably disappeared to give Zub a chance to be awesome, he was a bit disorientated.

“Let’s seal it in a rock or something,” Ran suggested,

“We don’t have a rock. But I found this tomato.”

“That could work just as well,” Ran pondered a bit. “It’ll rot and then release him in a few weeks though. Let’s give it to someone everyone hates, and be done with this once and for all!”




[center]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Epilogue (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkcaUPcxtdw&feature=related) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[now in full sound and colour]

Zub had returned to his mountain village of Fallabor, to commemorate his victory with friends and family.

Just kidding.

They all had no idea of what he did, and he will never be able to convey what exactly he did, for he is mute. But they do, however, assume he did something vaguely important, as he was gone for several weeks.

And now, as everyone is always looking for an excuse to have a fiesta-carnival, they held a fiesta-carnival in commemoration.

“Thanks for this really neat tomato, guys!” the Author said merrily as he received his prize.

“It was…. our pleasure,” Death grinned, not untruthfully.

Ran shrugged. “Me and Minka have a little date, so if you’ll excuse me….” he excused himself, as Death and Zub watched him go.

“Oh, it’s so nice to see you again Zub!” Mama Pants said as she embraced her son in a vivid hold.

He waved a timid helo, then resumed drinking lemonade and eating cake. Spying a piñata, he went after that to go pummel something for a while.

“So, Death, your powers all back now?” asked the Author as he cradled his tomato.

Death sighed, then slapped a daisy. The small flower instantly withered away and died. “I suppose so,” he said casually.

“Good, good,” the Author said awkwardly. “Wanna put Zub in a Seat of Honour?”

“Don’t I get a seat of honour too?”

“Your name’s not in the title.

Death swore but assisted very delicately in putting Zub in the seat of honour.

“Celebratory catapult!” cried Montgomery Montgomery Montgomery III as he swung the hatchet, revealing that Zub’s chair was actually a catapult. As Zub soared through the air, on a completely unrelated note, Galidor was enjoying a nice walk through a park.

Zub landed on him, killing him instantly.

“Grah!” cried the elder, for no apparent reason. “He killed our hero! I thus punish you with…. COMMUNIY SERVICE! ….AGAIN!”

The gathered townspeople gasped and began to collectively murmur amongst themselves.

“Boy, do you have anything to say for yourself?!”

“Yes.”

Z-nogyroP
11th November 2012, 6:19 PM
I haven't reviewed since... like... forever.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?! *punches self*

I'm very sorry, Zibdas. But my computer broke and stuff, but I'm back even though it's over.

In the time I spent not reading here, I'm sorry to say, I forgot how funny this fic is. Your comedy skills haven't deteriorated at all. This is honestly one of the funniest, most nonsensical fanfiction I've read ever.

Highlight of the chapter!


“Hello darlings,” It said suavely. “Here to stop me, are you?”

“Yes,” Death said bluntly, avoiding the pre-battle battle of wits that would accompany the final duel in any work of fiction but this one.

XD

Sad to see a good fic go, and sadder to say that I wasn't here for every chapter ever.

NO CHAPTER ONES FOREVER!

Zibdas
12th November 2012, 3:54 AM
I haven't reviewed since... like... forever.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!?! *punches self*

I'm very sorry, Zibdas. But my computer broke and stuff, but I'm back even though it's over.

In the time I spent not reading here, I'm sorry to say, I forgot how funny this fic is. Your comedy skills haven't deteriorated at all. This is honestly one of the funniest, most nonsensical fanfiction I've read ever.

Highlight of the chapter!



XD

Sad to see a good fic go, and sadder to say that I wasn't here for every chapter ever.

NO CHAPTER ONES FOREVER!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have an idea rolling around in my brain for a sequel, but I want to refine it. And hey, better late than never, no?

Rotomknight
16th November 2012, 5:56 PM
If anyone cares futurama did a spongebob parody/ refence character of
Zubbot steelpants! instead of spongebob
I got hail the size of minivans refernce!
When timmy's mom got magic always got the weather right powers she mentioned hail the size of mini-vans!
Then it landed on wanda and she said fully loaded minivans.