View Full Version : From the Past to the Present
24th April 2012, 11:47 PM
Hi everyone! I'm new here at serebii, but my favourite part here was always the fanfictions. I've decided to finally post one of my own. Also, just to let you know, if my writing sucks, just tell me and I'll stop writing, going on in my life knowing I shouldn't pursue a career in writing(don't feel guilty for me; that's what I was going for ;D). This fic is rated PG for use of words such as "idiot." And so, without further ado, chapter one of From the Past to the Present!
Chapter 1: In the Beginning
Hilbert strode confidently through Chargestone Cave, with his Serperior out alongside him. His Archen was sitting atop Serperior's head, marvelling at the Electric types filling the cave. His Ferrothorn clung to the roof of the cave, using its spiked feelers to move along. His Boldore and Crustle were exchanging conversation with the other Rock and Steel types in the cave. His Frillish, the "black Mareep" of the group, hung back at least a metre behind the others, knocking out the occasional Klink or Tynamo who got too close.
Despite the darkness of the cave, Hilbert could see just fine, owing thanks to the multiple Eelektrik lighting up the cave with their electricity-making organs. The EleFish Pokemon seemed intrigued by him, though none of them dared get too close. Unbeknownst to Hilbert, the menacing glares his Ferrothorn was giving them was what was keeping them at a reasonably unreasonable distance. The fact that Frillish was taking out their pre-evolutions left and right didn't help much either.
Finally, sunlight appeared at the end of the cave. "Look, Serperior!" he called. Serperior quickly turned her head towards her trainer (making sure Archen didn't fall off). "We're almost out!" Serperior hissed happily and she, Hilbert, and the others raced out of the cave.
As he ran out of the cave, Hilbert accidentally bumped into a woman wearing a light blue outfit, with a blue bow in her red hair. "Oh, excuse me!" he said. He held out his hand to her. "You must be Skyla, the gym leader."
She smiled warmly. "No, no, it was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going," she responded. "And may I assume you're Hilbert, from Nuvema Town?"
"Nope. Actually, I'm Bob Smith."
When Skyla heard this, she looked confused. "I'm just kidding," Hilbert said with a laugh. "I am he of whom you speak, and I believe I made reservations at your gym for a 3:00 battle, correct?"
Skyla laughed. "Yes, of course. We have approximately half an hour to prepare. My gym is just around the corner, behind the airport. See you soon!"
Once he got to the Gym, Skyla revealed the four Pokemon she’d be using. She revealed a Swoobat, an Unfezant, a Swanna, and finally an Archeops. Archen, considering how young she was, saw her evolved form as a role model. Once Archeops noticed her, he welcomed her with open arms. Archen explained that she wanted to learn to fly, and Archeops told her he could help. After about five minutes of "Really? Really," Archeops managed to communicate with his trainer that he was going to give Archen some flying lessons, and they went into an empty training room. A few minutes later, they came out. Archen was still landbound. The battle was then about to begin. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Archen burst into tears.
“Archen! What’s wrong?” Hilbert cried. He gently picked up the young bird, still sobbing, and cradled her. Skyla immediately noticed and came over to comfort Archen, while the other Pokemon simply watched.
“Maybe Archen is disappointed that it didn’t learn to fly,” Skyla suggested.
“I doubt it,” Hilbert replied. “Archen’s tried-and failed-plenty of times to fly, and she’s never cried like this, not even once.”
“Hmm,” Skyla said. “Maybe we should postpone the battle until tomorrow.”
“Yeah, that’s probably the best idea. I should get Archen back to my room in the Pokemon Center.”
Back in the room, Hilbert was preparing dinner for the Pokemon. It had been nearly five hours since Archen had begun crying, and she hadn't let up at all. When Boldore stated he was worried that Archen’s hydration level was getting low, Frillish sarcastically suggested letting him soak her. Serperior shut down that idea quickly.
A few minutes later, all the Pokemon(save Archen) were enjoying dinner. Serperior, however, continuously glanced over at Archen. Boldore was the first to notice(or at least the first one to have the guts to say something).
“Serperior, what’s wrong?” he asked.
She was caught a bit off-guard by his inquisition, but quickly snapped herself back to normal. “Oh, I guess I’m just a bit worried about Archen. She’s the youngest member, so I have to wonder what could have hurt her so badly. Come on guys, let’s go ask her what’s wrong.”
Frillish objected. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. First off, me and Ferro ain’t going. We weren’t there, so it’d do us no good to talk to that crybaby.” Ferrothorn simply shook his head in agreement.
“Ugh. Fine then,” Serperior said. “Boldore? Crustle? You two coming?”
Boldore started. “Well, Serperior, you and Archen are both girls, right?”
“And me and Crustle are boys. See what I’m getting at?”
Serperior facepalmed with her tail. “Fine then, I’ll talk to her,” she said. “But for the record, you’re all wimps.” She slithered over to where Archen was crying, on the second bed provided. She gently wrapped her tail around the young bird.
“Archen, what’s wrong? You can tell me,” she said softly. Archen, little by little, let up on her crying. “Please, Archen. You need to tell someone what happened, and the others are too scared to talk to you.” Archen giggled a bit, and she almost stopped crying completely. “Come on, Archen, please,” she said gently.
Finally, Archen sniffed, and stopped crying. “Okay,” she said. “It was Archeops.” She sniffed again. “He’s a big meanie.”
Serperior brought her closer to eye level. “What did he do?”
Archen sniffed. “He said he would teach me how to fly, so I got really happy. So we went into the training room, and he started running, so I followed him, and then he started flying, so I tried to fly too, but I couldn’t, and then I crashed into a wall, and then he called me an idiot, but I don’t know what that means,” at this point her voice began to quaver, “so I thought it meant something good, but then, before we were going to start the battle, he spit at me, and I got really sad, and I started crying.”
Serperior was touched by her story, and began to feel sad herself. She gently wrapped herself tighter around Archen in a hug. “Oh, Archen,” she murmured. “It’s okay. Some people are just mean, and no one knows why. It’s going to get better.”
“Okay,” her soft voice replied. “Also, what does idiot mean?”
Serperior was a bit taken back by her question, and didn’t know how to answer it without causing her to cry more. “Uh, well, I guess…”
“Serperior!” Hilbert’s sudden voice surprised her. “You calmed Archen down! Thanks so much,” he said gratefully. Saved by the bell, she thought. “Archen, are you feeling better now?” Archen nodded slowly. “Good,” he said cheerfully. “Now come on, your dinner’s getting cold.”
Archen jumped over to where Hilbert had put her food dish, and began to eat. “Are you really feeling better, Archen?” Serperior asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. But I’m still sad I didn’t learn to fly. I really want to.” She looked down at her food sadly.
Suddenly, Serperior got an idea. “Archen,” she said, “what if I teach you how to fly?”
So, there you have it. My first chapter. Praise, bash, and review whenever you want. I'll most likely be updating weekly, so see you in a week!
29th April 2012, 2:01 AM
Okay, no reviews, but that's okay. It's fun just posting it.
Chapter 2: Spread Your Wings
Archen blinked. “Really? Do you think you can?”
Serperior smiled. “I promise, I will do whatever I can to help you learn to fly. And maybe I’ll be able to get some others to help too.”
“Yay!” Archen said. She then ate her food with a big smile.
Crustle, noticing how happy Archen was, came over. “Looks like someone’s feeling better,” he said, grinning. Archen just nodded happily(since Serperior had taught her not to talk with her mouth full). Crustle then crawled over to Serperior. “How did you get her to stop crying?”
Serperior shrugged, or at least she would have if she had shoulders. “I suppose just some talking managed to calm her down. And I doubt Frillish offering to soak her helped much,” she said.
Crustle was satisfied with that answer, and went back to eating, as did Serperior. However, both failed to notice Frillish sneaking up on Archen from behind. Only when Frillish shouted “Boo!” and Archen shrieked did they turn around to see. Frillish was lying on the ground, laughing his head off, and Archen was wide-eyed on the floor, turning blue. Serperior realized she was choking, and had to pull a quick Heimlich to revive her. The dislodged morsel ended up in Ferrothorn’s food bowl. (Ferrothorn sure as heck noticed, but that didn’t stop him from eating it anyway.)
Serperior suddenly wheeled on Frillish. “Frillish, what the HELL were you doing? You could have killed her!”
Frillish stopped laughing, but that wouldn’t last long. “You’re cute when you’re angry,” he said, smirking.
“Oh, shut up! Do you even care you could have KILLED poor Archen?”
“You’re right. Next time I’ll choke YOU!”
Everyone could tell things were about to get ugly, so Crustle grabbed Archen and pulled her closer to protect her from any crossfire damage.
“Frillish, I’m going to kill you!”
Frillish, though under amazing amounts of pressure, kept his cool. In fact, he said something no one would have guessed he would have said. Heck, no one had the guts to say it to her directly:
“Hey, Serperior, how’s your MOM doing?”
Everyone gasped other than Archen, even Ferrothorn, who was normally so silent, you could hold a rifle to his head and he would stay quiet. Everyone knew Serperior got sensitive when her mother was brought up. When Serperior was a Snivy, even before Professor Juniper caught her, she was raised by a single mother. She was very caring, and loved her more than anything. Then one day, a brainwashed Emboar destroyed the forest she lived in. She had gotten Serperior out safely, but her mother wasn’t as lucky. Once the Emboar stopped and left, she found her mother was dead. She couldn’t believe it. She was so heartbroken, words couldn’t describe it. She was very depressed for the first few weeks Professor Juniper had her, but eventually Hilbert picked her, and she had put the event behind her. Bringing it up again triggered feelings she had abandoned for years.
Frillish looked satisfied that she had been shut up. Then she suddenly slashed out at him with a Leaf Blade attack.
‘How… how dare you speak about my mother! I am going to DESTROY you!”
Frillish smirked. “It’s been a while since I’ve had a worthy opponent. Too bad you aren’t one!”
Serperior absolutely snapped. She blasted a Leaf Storm at him in rage. Frillish blocked it with Protect. Then a beam of freezing energy was blasted at Serperior. Her serpentine figure allowed her to dodge. She launched a Leaf Blade too quick to dodge, and she nailed Frillish. Frillish was one step ahead of her, however, and tossed her. She managed to turn in midair and smash Frillish into the ground.
Fortunately, before things could get worse, Hilbert came in. “That’s it! Serperior, Frillish, stop it, both of you!” Both of them stopped. “Serperior, I’ve already entered you in the gym battle, so I can’t change that. But mark my words, as soon as that battle is over, unless you two make up, neither of you will be in another battle.”
They both gasped. Hilbert had made punishments for misbehaving before(such as having to stay inside their Poke Ball for an hour), but he had never suspended battling. Hilbert then walked away, saying on his way out, “I’m sorry you others had to see that.”
As soon as Hilbert left, Frillish brought back his smart-alecky attitude. “Nice going, Serperior,” he said. “You got us suspended from battling.”
“WHAT? Frillish, it was your attitude that got us in this in the first place! If it weren’t for you, none of this would have happened! I hate you!”
Crustle figured this was a bad time to pull a joke, but he didn’t care. “You know, Serperior, it’s a fine line between hate and love!”
“You stay out of this!” Serperior shouted. Crustle then turned away, mumbling to himself something about Serperior having no sense of humor. Archen, however, jumped out of Crustle’s grip. She walked up to Serperior, worriedly.
“Serperior?” she asked. Serperior glanced down at her. “Please stop fighting. I don’t like it when people fight.”
Seeing Archen down there, asking her to stop fighting, struck a chord in Serperior’s heart. She stroked the fossil Pokemon’s head gently. “Okay, sweetie. Me and Frillish will stop fighting. Won’t we, Frillish?” Archen didn’t notice, but Serperior did a guillotine motion with her tail.
“Hmm? Oh, sure, whatever.”
Archen cheered. “Serperior, are you still going to teach me to fly? You promised,” she added.
Serperior nodded. “Of course I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you flying.”
“Night, guys,” Hilbert said as he clicked the light off.
Everyone was comfortable. Boldore was sitting near the balcony, sleeping peacefully. Crustle was holed up in his shell, sound asleep. Hilbert, of course, was in bed. Ferrothorn had grasped onto the ceiling, sleeping how Ferrothorn did in the wild. Serperior chuckled when she saw him. “You can take the Ferrothorn out of the cave, but you can’t take the cave out of the Ferrothorn,” she said quietly to herself. Frillish had grabbed the second pillow and was holding it like a teddy bear(that at least gave her something to hold over Frillish’s head later). And Archen…where was Archen? She got out her coiled position and looked around.
She turned the room upside-down looking for her. It seemed as though she had disappeared entirely. She was about to give up when she heard feathers fluttering. She turned to the balcony to see an avian figure leap off.
“ARCHEN!” she screamed. She leaped out of the top of the sliding door, which was an open window. Her Vine Whip barely managed to grab Archen as she leaped off.
Once she retrieved Archen, she became angry with her. “Archen, what were you doing? You could have killed yourself, and you scared me half to death!”
Archen started to cry. “I-I’m sorry, Serperior. I just really wanted to fly, and I saw the balcony, so I tried to jump off and… and…” At this point, Archen broke down completely.
Serperior felt sorry for poor Archen. It must have been scary enough jumping off a balcony at midnight, and then she had yelled at her. “A-Archen, it’s okay. I’m sorry I yelled at you,” she said softly. She felt like she was Archen’s mother, having to reassure her everything was fine. Archen calmed down quickly, and then she hugged onto Serperior’s tail. “But I have one more question. How did you get to the open window? It’s at least five feet off the ground.”
Archen sniffled, then responded. “Well, I jumped onto Boldore, then I jumped on top of Crustle, then Ferrothorn, and then I jumped on the window, and then I jumped on the balcony.”
“I see. So like a series,” Serperior said thoughtfully. Suddenly, she gasped. “Archen, I know how to teach you to fly!”
Archen widened her eyes. “Really? How?” she asked excitedly.
“I’ll tell you in the morning, okay?”
Archen nodded, and Serperior brought her inside. She watched as Archen jumped on the dresser and settled down on the cushion on it, and fell asleep immediately. Amazingly, no one had woken up. Finally, Serperior coiled up and fell asleep, knowing that everyone was safe and sound.
Hilbert woke up with his head on a flat mattress. “What the…” he said. Then he noticed Serperior and Archen were missing. He began to get worried. Without waking the others up, he quietly searched for his oldest and youngest Pokemon. Suddenly, he noticed the sound of feathers flapping, then a thump. He peered into the second room, only to see Archen running around to Serperior’s tail, while Serperior herself was in a slanted position. Hilbert also noticed his missing pillow. He decided to watch and see what they were doing.
Archen ran to the back of the room, and then she charged. She ran up Serperior’s tail, further up her body, until finally she got to her head, and she jumped. She flapped as hard as she could, nearly flying. Then, with a thump, she landed on the pillow. He decided to confront them.
“Well, well, well, what do we have here? Did you two steal my pillow?” They both suddenly noticed him, and hung their heads in sorrow. He laughed. “Don’t worry, I can see it’s for a good cause. Next time, though, ask first, okay?” They both vigorously nodded.
At this point, everyone else was waking up. They walked in and wondered what Serperior and Archen were doing. “Hey guys,” Hilbert said happily. “Serperior here is helping Archen learn to fly. You guys can help if you want. I’m going to go fix breakfast,” he said as he left. “Good luck!”
“Well? Any of you want to help?” Serperior asked. Boldore and Crustle said yes, and Ferrothorn nodded. They lined up. Boldore was first, going as flat as he could. Crustle was next, and he was residing in his shell. Ferrothorn raised himself with his feelers, and Serperior raised her head high. Archen jumped, jumped, jumped, and jumped again, and flapped her arms. And, for one miraculous second, she flew. She glided, and then landed safely on the pillow. “Serperior! Did you see me? I was flying! I really did it!”
“Archen, I’m really happy for you, but it seems like you need to launch yourself from up high to fly. You’ll need more practice,” said Boldore.
“Speaking of which,” said Serperior, “where’s that lazy Frillish? He should be helping. Boldore, go get him, please?”
Boldore saluted, then left. He came back empty-handed. “I told Frillish, and he said, and I quote, “Do I look like a trampoline?””
Serperior was furious. “That jerk! It’s okay, Boldore. I’ll get him myself.”
Serperior left and went up to Frillish, who was staring at the baby blue walls. “I’m watching the paint peel,” he said before Serperior had uttered a word. “It’s more entertaining than what you’re doing.”
Serperior grabbed Frillish. “You are coming to help us. NOW.”
Frillish strained against her grip. “No!” he exclaimed. He blasted a Water Pulse at Serperior’s face.
It shocked her long enough to let go of Frillish. She wiped the water from her face, then lashed out at Frillish. He dodged, and froze her tail to the floor. She managed to unstick it, and smack the Floating Pokemon upside the face with Leaf Blade. It looked as if a no-holds-barred battle was about to unfold, when Serperior heard a soft voice speak to her:
“No, Serperior! Don’t fight!”
She turned and saw Archen. It took a moment to notice, but Archen was at eye level. “Archen?” She looked down, and sure enough, Archen was flying. “Archen! You’re-You’re flying!”
“Huh?” Archen looked down, and saw she was off the ground. “I-I am! I’m flying! Wheeeeeeeee!” Archen glided over the room, out the window, and around the balcony.
“Archen!” Serperior called. Archen flew back, and came in. “Archen, go show Hilbert. He’ll be really happy!”
Sure enough, Hilbert hugged Archen and congratulated her. And finally, after those surprising events, they headed off for Skyla’s gym.
There's the second chapter. Hope you guys like it!
29th April 2012, 2:44 AM
Wow, great story. Keep it up! The gym battle should be interesting.
3rd May 2012, 12:06 AM
Thank you for the total of one reply! A new record! Anyway, for those of you following but not commenting, here's chapter three.
Chapter Three: An Unexpected Arrival
Hilbert and his Pokemon took in the beautiful scenery. The trees were blossoming, the Tranquill were chirping(of course, the Pokemon knew they were talking about which one was the strongest), and the air was filled with the sweet scent of the Persim berry bushes. Archen thought it was amazing, because it acted on all the senses at once(well, not taste, but the others). Frillish thought it was ugly(“Too much pink,” he said).
A Swoobat flew over them. It flew in front of them, as if directing them to follow. They followed it, and they arrived at Skyla’s gym. It had an image of a Poke Ball on it, and it blended in well with the airports around it. The Swoobat entered, and Skyla was waiting there for them.
“Hello, Hilbert. Are you ready for the battle?”
“Of course! Hey, and guess what? Serperior taught Archen to fly!”
Skyla smiled. “Well, if a Grass type can teach as Flying type to fly, your Pokemon must be very skilled. This should be an enjoyable battle.”
Hilbert walked in. He looked around. There were rings flying on balloons, and platforms high off the ground. He spied her Pokemon, and went over to them. “So your Pokemon are Swoobat, Unfezant, Swanna, and Archeops.” He petted them. “I look forward to battling them, and I’m sure Archen would love the thrill of battling her evolved form.”
Skyla and Hilbert chatted for a while. Serperior was waiting with Archen sitting on her head. “Serperior,” Archen said. She glanced up. “Is it okay if I battle Archeops? I want to show him how strong I am now.”
Serperior smiled. “Well, it’s not really my decision. If all of Skyla’s Pokemon are knocked out except for Archeops, and all of us are knocked out except for you, you’ll definitely face Archeops.”
“Oh,” she said quietly. “I hope you win, but then lose before Archeops comes out.”
She chuckled. “Don’t worry. Something tells me that will happen.”
Unbeknownst to Archen, Serperior had talked to Skyla’s Pokemon and her teammates beforehand, and they were going to make sure Archen and Archeops would battle.
“Trainers!” the announcer cried. “Reveal your Pokemon!”
Skyla went first. “Swoobat, go!”
Swoobat popped out in a blue beam of light. It was mostly blue with fur on its torso, but its wings and legs were pitch-black, and its nose and twisted tail were pink.
“Boldore, you’re up!” Hilbert cried as he tossed the Poke Ball. Boldore appeared, ready to battle.
“The challenger gets the first move!” the announcer said loudly. “Begin!”
“Boldore, Stone Edge!” Pointed stones arose from the ground, and shot themselves at Swoobat.
“Swoobat, up!” Swoobat launched itself up, into the sky. “Now, Acrobatics!”
Swoobat dived down, and sped around Boldore. Boldore, trying to keep up, frantically looked around. Finally, Swoobat landed a heavy hit from behind. “Boldore, use Sandstorm!” Hilbert commanded. Powerful streams of sand were shot from Boldore’s orange crystals, burying everything in sand. Swoobat countered with a Gust attack, blowing the sand away.
“Now, Swoobat!” Skyla commanded. “Attract!” Swoobat let out heart-shaped rays from its nose. They surrounded Boldore, and caught him. He became infatuated with Swoobat.
“Boldore, snap out of it and use Rock Blast!” Boldore danced around, unable to move due to falling in love with Swoobat.
“Swoobat, it’s time for Psychic!” A blue aura surrounded Boldore, and he was lifted into the air. He was at least fifty feet off the ground when the aura disappeared, and he fell.
“Boldore, come on! Snap out of it! Use Sandstorm! QUICK!” Suddenly, Boldore woke up. Noticing the predicament he was in, he obeyed. The sand blasted, and it performed two functions. It slowed Boldore down, and it buried Swoobat. Boldore landed in a puff of soft sand.
“Alright! Now, time to finish this up! Use Rock Blast!” Boldore’s crest glowed, and gray rocks were shot from it at rapid speed. They blew up on contact with Swoobat’s face. They also, however, blew Swoobat out of the ground.
“Swoobat, Roost! Go!” Swoobat glowed, and regained strength. This also left it wide open for an attack.
“Stone Edge!” Sharp stones shot out and slashed at Swoobat. It fell, rolled on the sand, and was defeated.
“Swoobat is unable to battle! Boldore wins!” Skyla returned Swoobat, and sent out a male Unfezant instead.
“Unfezant! Use Steel Wing!” Unfezant’s wings glowed a shining silver, and four feathers spun rapidly and slashed at Boldore.
Boldore wasn’t about to take it lying down. Stone Edge was launched. “Unfezant, Detect!” Unfezant’s eye gleamed, and then he shot out of sight too fast to see. “Gain speed!” Unfezant flew around the gym at supersonic speed. Then, it shot into the air. “Now, Sky Attack!” He shot into the air like bullet, and then accelerated downward so fast if you looked closely, you could see the air being displaced. He crashed headfirst into Boldore, and Hilbert knew there was no way Boldore could take that attack, especially when taking the Steel Wing damage and the former battle into consideration. He just hoped that some recoil was dropped on Unfezant from the power. Unfortunately, Unfezant turned out just fine, and Boldore was knocked out.
“Boldore is unable to continue! Unfezant wins!” the announcer cried. Hilbert recalled Boldore, thanking it for its effort, and then sent out Crustle. The Proud and Stone Home Pokemon were about to face off.
Crustle started by launching a powerful Slash attack at Unfezant. It couldn’t dodge in time, but it retaliated with an Aerial Ace. It continuously hit, although Crustle retreated into its shell to protect itself. Then, as another Aerial Ace blasted to Crustle, a Rock Wrecker countered it. It smashed Unfezant and brought it to the ground. Crustle used up so much energy, however, that it had to remain still for a few seconds. Unfezant took advantage by using Morning Sun. It healed all of its wounds.
Crustle attacked with Slash again, but Unfezant dodged. It gained speed again, and blasted into a new Sky Attack, just as fast as the first one. Crustle panicked, and jumped. The battlefield was suddenly covered in smoke. When it cleared, Unfezant was standing on Crustle’s rock.
“Looks like it’s all over,” Skyla said with a smirk.
Hilbert smirked back. “Don’t be so sure.”
Suddenly, a shell-less Crustle jumped out of the sand. “Shell Smash!” Hilbert called. Red cracks appeared on Crustle’s body, and blew up. The pieces glowed red, and surrounded Crustle. They joined together, and went into a super-powered X-Scissor. Unfezant dodged with Detect, and blasted into Sky Attack. Crustle countered with Rock Wrecker.
The two moves collided, and blew up. The battlefield clouded again with smoke. When it cleared, both Unfezant and Crustle were knocked out. In truth, Crustle had the strength to continue, but he remembered the promise he had made to Serperior. At first, he was against it, but when she strangled him, something persuaded him to agree.
After they were recalled, Swanna and Serperior were sent out. All they had to do was tie, and Archen and Archeops would battle. She just hoped Archen would win. Caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t notice a Brave Bird coming towards her until it collided. She shook it off, and retaliated with Vine Whip. Swanna dodged, but barely. She used Hurricane, and Serperior flew into the air. Suddenly, she got an idea. She stretched her Vine Whip and grasped Swanna. She brought the White Bird Pokemon up into the air with her. In one swift movement, she slammed Swanna into the ground. And at that point, something no one would have expected happened(and no, Swanna didn’t suddenly evolve into Goostrike or some other Fakemon).
Serperior was trapped in a Spider Web attack.
Both trainers and their Pokemon looked up. Through the skylight, they saw a single humanoid figure, along with a large spider, who seemed to have created the web.
So there you have, my third chapter. Wow, this is going by fast. If I get two more reviews(positive, of course) I may even write a sequel! Possibly! Time permitting! Maybe! If I don't forget!
3rd May 2012, 8:04 AM
This won't be much of a review since I am on my iPod. I'll edit it once I go to my grandmother's and use her computer. Anyway, so far this story reminds me of the show Rugrats. The Pokemon do all these things while Hilbert is away and he can't understand them. The battles are robotic in their description and aren't too entertaining to read. The story itself is well written, but there are just a few areas I have problems with. Also, there is no description of any characters or settings. That's a big part to not have. And I may be wrong, but it's to my understanding that Archen cannot fly under any circumstances. I'll look it up later. That's really all I can say for now. I'll be editing this later so expect it to be longer and more detailed. Until next time.
3rd May 2012, 10:08 AM
@ShadowLucario: Thank you, I've never really found descriptiveness as one of my strong points. I'll go back and try to add more, and make the battles more interesting. Can you give some examples where extra help could be useful?
EDIT: Oh, and is the fact it's similar to the Rugrats good or bad? (not very confident writer :P)
5th May 2012, 3:23 PM
The battles in the last chapter weren't interesting, and as Shadow Lucario said, you don't have much description. But other than that, not bad.
6th May 2012, 3:05 PM
Hey guys, sorry, but I'm not going to be updating this thread again. Something tragic happened to one of my close friends, and I've just kinda lost interest in fanfic writing. Sorry, and just for the record:
*Archen defeats Archeops by managing to bypass her Defeatist ability due to anger at her opponent.
*Archeops gets revenge on both her and Serperior by dropping them off a cliff, and while Archen ends up okay, Serperior lands in the hospital.
*The rest of the team avenge Serperior(even though she doesn't die) by attacking Archeops all at once.
*It is revealed that Archeops's brain was mutated by a computer microchip implanted by a Team Plasma member, so that Archeops would become superstrong and trainers would release their Pokemon because they would think they are weak.
*Archeops returns to normal thanks to the team(and more specifically Ferrothorn, because he Power Whipped the chip out of Archeops's head).
Sorry again that I won't be updating anymore, but there's the story in a nutshell. I'll remain on Serebii, but I've lost the will to write this story more because if I wrote the next chapter, I would break down crying and short out the keyboard.
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