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Doryuzu
28th April 2012, 3:48 AM
Table of Contents

1.The Spartan Mayor (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?570408-Opelucid-s-Investments&p=14481686#post14481686)
2.The Girl Who Knows The Hearts of Dragons (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?570408-Opelucid-s-Investments&p=14486709#post14486709)
3.Trust (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?570408-Opelucid-s-Investments&p=14512744#post14512744)
4.Opelucid In Flames (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?570408-Opelucid-s-Investments&p=14575969#post14575969)
5.How to Train Your Dragon-type (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?570408-Opelucid-s-Investments&p=14622061#post14622061)


A/N:My first really serious Fanfic is this one. Iris is a pretty fun and interesting character with a nice design to me, so I just have had the strong urge to write a sort of story about her and her future. How she came to be and how things have been for her. It's a Fanfiction on GAME Iris, the Gym Leader of White Version's Opelucid Gym. I'm still not really happy with this introduction chapter, I just look at it and think about all the things I think may have been badly done or attempted. But, I just went with this since I've been wanting to post this chapter for quite some time now, I'll try to do better in the future. As always any and all constructive criticism is appreciated, it can only make me better!



Chapter 1 The Spartan Mayor


Unova's very own Opelucid City was certainly a site to behold. So modern, yet so old. The city was almost like a vintage wine, aged to perfection. The city of the old and the new, truly a nostalgic treasure for many. Life in Opelucid was always calm and yet so exciting. Many people traversed the city daily with the latest Castelia City designed cellphones and the most up to date computers. The roads and sidewalks held the most nature-efficient streetlights. People put nature and technology in high regard in Opelucid, appreciating the grace and life of nature and the convenience and helpfulness of technology was Opelucid's unofficial law by many. The city gave off a certain air about it, accustomed to itself and few other places in Unova. There was a certain man in particular who truly supported and worked hard toward Opelucid and what it is today.

"Hurry up!" a young man yelled as he carried a box.

"I'm just a girl, chill out!" the young lady said with a clear heavy animosity in her voice lugging the rather medium sized crate.

"We have other things to do you know," he said in a clear spiteful tone as the two kept walking. A small bump on the ground drew Ed's attention.

"Molly you dropped one."

"It's just one forget it," she said as the Pecha stayed on the ground rolling near a rough dark purple boot that looked as if it had been put through quite some use over the years.

"What a shame..." the man bent over picking up the pink fruit. "You two!" the man boomed in a gruff professional voice that sent shivers down Ed and Molly's spines. The man walked calmly over to the children. Ed kept a clear face and tried his best to not look nervous, even though it came off as clearly forced, a small bead of sweat leapt off Ed's head. As the man came toward the two, Ed stared at the man's face full of white crisp facial hair that almost completely covered the area around his mouth, his head had the same hair, and the rather aged yellow brownish eyes spelled clear annoyance being contained under a cap. The man's arms and muscles were rather big, truly a walking testament to all his hard work over the years. "You dropped something," he said as he pointed the Pecha at Molly.

"O-Oh, thank you sir," she said as she walked over as Drayden sat the Pecha on top of the crate of other Poison healing fruit.

"Children today truly don't realize what they have, where exactly did those Pecha Berries come from?" the man asked.

"Ordered them from manu-," Ed was cut off.

"No, they came from nature. Never take even the smallest thing for granted, even if it may be a small Pecha Berry. Nature works hard to give us all our food in a way, show the tiniest bit of respect," he answered back. "Good day," Drayden said walking away as the children relaxed themselves a bit.

"God that was stressful, I thought we were going to get chewed out or in trouble or something. Eh, Edmond?"

"I guess..." Ed answered.

Nature works hard to give us all our food... he replayed Drayden's words in his head.

"Let's go Molly," he said carrying their luggage down the sidewalk.

"Humph, children these days," Drayden said grunting as he walked through the city streets.

"Keeping Opelucid's youth in-line I see..." a rather elderly aged woman said as she walked near Drayden.

"I expect the best of Opelucid City, that includes the people Ms.Maryann."

"I expect nothing less from someone who has worked hard since childhood. Any challengers lately?" the woman said as she and Drayden walked toward a large building that gave off the shape of a reptilian creature, scale-like bricks shaped the surface of the establishment.

"Yes, quite a few. Not many have managed to show the same spirit and respect that I truly cherish, there have only been a choice few."

"Things really have changed since the day of your grandfather," Maryann said earnestly. "Take care," the woman walked away.

Drayden walked through the door of the Dragon shaped structure. The inside of the Gym gave off a thin air and vibe about it, and the field was worn away quite a bit. The area was rather large and opened with distinct Dragon crafted statues and patterns decorated all around. Drayden left the area walking to the end of the gym into a back room. Besides the weight set and barbells, it was a relatively normal office. He sat down staring at the pictures of his various family and friends, eying one picture in particular of a young brown haired boy holding a green Dragon, tusk protruding its jaws, and rather large innocent eyes. The same could be said for the young child.


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With the construction of the Driftveil Gym finished, we hope to see a lot more activity in the city as well as tourism.

"Keep going!" a tenacious sixteen year-old said to a fourteen year-old adolescent huffing and puffing as sweat poured from his face. "You two have got to pick up the slack!" he said as he and a Flaaffy continued to physical push and rotate a rather large wheel with much might. Opposite the large electricity generating wheel was a small green Pokemon with a youthful Drayden. Deed always liked to have the radio on as he worked, his father's radio he borrowed occasionally.

Drayden breathed heavily as sweat popped from his forehead, his whole shirt nearly drenched in his own perspiration. "Continue forward Axew!" he encouraged his Pokemon alongside him and they both put much force and strength into their work.

"Okay that's just enough speed! Quickly Dray!" as he stopped pushing, he took a step back as did Drayden. "Thundershock!"

"Fwwwaff!" the pink and white sheep let loose a large circuit of electricity as it struck the wheel speeding it up even further until it was moving by itself.

"Now Dray! Get it right this time!" he lectured his younger sibling.

"Dragon Rage!" Drayden commanded as the Tusk Pokemon opened its mouth shooting a large flare of bluish fiery electricity toward the generator wheel, its rotation was sent into hyper drive as it moved alone.

"That's it!" Deed said relieved as the wheel finally was moving alone. The Flaaffy and Axew walked over giving each other a respective high five.

"Good work Dray," Deed said as he shook his brother's hand. Deed and Drayden always worked to support their family, doing their part always in an attempt to keep their family stable and healthy. "I'll go get our last assignment, just chill there," he said scampering off down the metal covered area, making sure not to get in the way of other workers and Pokemon.

"Only one job left today guys, then we can relax for a while," Drayden said in a glad tone as he listened in on the portable radio.

There is even a new Opelucid Gym construction plan in the making, bringing more tourism to Opelucid will only strengthen the future of the city and its development, Drayden's ears perked up.

How will that help anything? he thought.

"Dray! Get in gear! We're on the backyard chopping wood!" Deed snapped Drayden back into reality. "Hustle!" Deed said as Drayden followed him, Axew and Flaaffy following closely behind.

"So, Deed how is a gym going to help anything?" Drayden asked curiously.

"Well, for one with a Gym around the city. We'll get more visitors and tourist and that will make more money for our city. More money equals better living conditions," he answered his curious sibling as he eyed a rather large chested fatigued woman walking by.

"God, you're a perv at times," Drayden taunted his older brother.

"Wait?! You don't think I was looking do you?" Deed said guilty as he had been caught in the act once again.

"Forget it. What do Gyms do anyway?" he questioned Deed.

"Gyms are designed to test the strength of trainers, trainers who are strong and live in the city are the Gym Leaders. It takes a lot of skill, so I've heard." Deed answered clearly as they reached the backyard of the electricity generation factory. Drayden and Deed jogged over picking up the pic axes as Flaaffy and Axew sat cylinder shaped pieces of wood in front of their respective owners.

"1...2....3!" Deed and Drayden simultaneously sent the axes through the pieces of wood as they sliced cleanly in half. The two brotherly Pokemon gathered up the sliced pieces and threw them into a large green bin. Reloading the two young men with two new cylinder shaped wood pieces. "1...2...3," Deed counted down once more as they cut the wood pieces once more in that same process.

"70 pieces and we will have reached our quota," Drayden said gladly as he chopped the wood once more. "So Deed, you wanna go pick up some berries later?"

"I guess Dray, remember that we also have to go pick up our payments," Deed said as he cut the timber.

Drayden and Deed gradually finished cutting all the timber, finishing their work for the day. They went to see their boss in his office.

"Mr.Saint we've finished our task for the day," Deed said as he stood in the office in front of his and Drayden's employer. Sporting a big gut with suspenders and gray business pants as well as a cranium more naked than a Palpitoad's body.

"Nice job boys, nice job," he said as he counted bills of money into two separate piles. "You've done nicely for this being your first year Drayden, I'll throw a little extra your way for that," Mr.Saint said generously as he sealed the money into envelopes for the two boys.

"Thank you," they said as they both tentatively stretched out an arm and hand to retrieve the hard worked for currency.

"Don't spend it all in one place," Mr.Sant said as the boys bolted out of the office.

"So, let's hurry up and get home so we can go ahead and pay the bills and buy the food for the week."

These are what Drayden's childhood days typically consisted of, hard work and seldom time to play and lolly gag. But, work in an attempt to support his family and their future, especially alongside his closest brother in age. Truly a very disciplined life in comparison to the youth of Opelucid today.





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A vicious scream ripped through Drayden's ears, he got up and dashed toward the outside. A rather large crowd had formed around what looked to be a very angry brown dog like Pokemon. Everyone watched insight as the Pokemon growled, looking as if it was going to tear them to shreds. Everyone was on high alert, all sweating bullets.

"Dammit! Don't agitate it anymore, it looks angry!" a young male yelled.

"Thank you captain obvious!" a female voice from the crowd screamed.

The large brown furry canine Pokemon growled as its fangs shook viciously the Pokemon came charging toward the crowd, the people panicked as the Pokemon barely missed them, hitting a light pole. The pole shuddered and shook as it began to gradually lean back and forth and soon gave way to gravity. A child looked on from the ground in utter shock as it was about to fall on her. This truly was a gruesome sight.

"Hellllp!" the girl yelled in fear, she was lucky to find a man had gotten in her way. The Spartan Mayor man handled the pole before it hit the child. Drayden struggled with the rather large object. The girl looked on in utter shock and bewilderment at the scene, her life could have potentially come to an end, but..he saved her. Her large petite brown youthful eyes shined with fear and gratitude, she was so shook up from the near death experience she couldn't stop herself from shivering which caused her long purple black locks to sway back and forth in the wind, still paralyzed her dark skin almost looked as if it would turn white like a ghost's body.

"Run damn child!" Drayden snapped the young girl back from under her terrified state, she found it within herself to jolt away from the scene. Drayden soon moved out of the way letting the pole fall to the ground.

The Pokemon barked now training its rage at Drayden, he pulled out a small Poke Ball. Slightly tapping the white button in the middle with his purple gloved finger and tossing it an array of white light spilled from the metallic red and white sphere as a rather large green and black Pokemon materialized from the ball.

The Pokemon glared angrily and clearly was ready to do combat. Its large axe shaped and fined tusk making it look threatening, with its long tail and bulging muscles in its body pumping. Its height truly being something threatening alongside its sharp claws and teeth and the very exterior, tone, and look of the Pokemon showed it truly had been put through slavery over the years.

"Our mayor's going to handle it!" a voice said from the crowd as everyone got a tad more calm from Drayden's presence. The little girl stared in anticipation of what would happen next.

"Laaaannnd!" the Pokemon barked as it charged in with its body glowing a purple and orange aura, truly intent on not just injuring but possibly killing Drayden and his Dragon-type.

"You've caused quite a lot of chaos, there's no point in showing any mercy. Haxorus, Dragon Claw!" The Pokemon in no time quickly delivered a violent bluish slash to the canine Pokemon as it hit the dirt, slightly bloody, silent. Everyone clapped in respect of Drayden and his Haxorus, Drayden calmly took out a Poke Ball dropping it onto the Stoutland's unconscious body.

Oog. Oog. Ogg. Bing, a small spring of sparkles emitted from the sphere. Drayden breathed a sigh of relief as the Pokemon was secured in the Poke ball.

"Does anyone know whom is responsible for this?!" Drayden boomed.

"'Scuse me, scuse me. Pardon me!" a teenage woman attempted to muscle her way through the crowd. "It's mine! Sir, please! I'm sorry," she said as tears ran down her face.

"Do you not realize that violent Pokemon should be kept in their Poke Balls? Your irresponsible behavior endangered the lives of many people today," Drayden lectured.

"Please sir, I'm sorry," the young woman pleaded once again with the Spartan Mayor. "Let me explain myself, Stoutland got away while I was training him! I just got him from my father as a gift!" she said hoping to win the Dragon specialist over."He really means a lot to me," she said with a crack in her voice as snot began to bubble from her nose slightly.

"If you don't have full control of it, keep it in a Poke Ball," he said bluntly to the young woman as he handed her the Pokeball. "You have no more excuses," he gave her the Poke Ball not in the mood to deal with any whiny teenagers.

"Thank you for understanding," she said as she walked away with the newly caught Stoutland, the large crowd slowly dispersed.

Who the hell gives a mere child such a strong and evolved Pokemon? he thought to himself as he walked away back into his gym. Sometimes I wonder how kids these days could be so reckless. If these are the future of Opelucid, what does that mean for my gym?

Yes, these were the typical days of Drayden. Keeping peace within Opelucid City, the city he thought of as a gem itself. He truly cared for the city and the people with in it, he could be blunt at times but he continued to work toward a better future for the city. But, he always had the thought of what would happen to his Pokemon Gym at the back of his head, what would happen when he had to retire? Who would take helm of the gym and in turn challenge the trainers of the future as well as the trainers of the day. Drayden was no where near ready to retire certainly, but this is the type of thing he always thought about. Is there one trainer or child who could show Drayden the bright future of Opelucid and Unova?


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"That was so scary, Druddigon," a young female voice said vibrantly. "I didn't think I could move at all. I'm so thankful that man saved me though," she said smiling joyfully as the wind swept through her long purple locks, and bright eyes looked toward the sky. The tree's bark didn't bother her as the leaves provided a nice cushion for her, the forest was her hangout in a way, she had gotten used to the feel of it.

"Druddi?" the Pokemon answered back.

"Yeah and he had a really cute and strong Dragon Pokemon, just like you," she said blissfully. "I wish we could have met it," she said as her and the Pokemon looked toward the sky and the future.










PM LIST

Sid87; Sidewinder; diamondpearl876;

Doryuzu
29th April 2012, 2:44 PM
A/N:The second part of chapter 1 is here. Iris's introduction chapter, hopefully I did the Dragon Girl justice. I tried my best to give her some nice characterization as well as start characterizing the Pokemon more, hopefully you enjoy it. I also tried to show a bit of a more warm side to Drayden. Again, any and all criticism is very much appreciated. The introductions for these two are out of the way.


Chapter 2 The Girl Who Knows The Hearts of Dragons

"I'll grab a few Orans too," said a girl with long smooth dark purple hair, her bustling brown eyes almost more adoring than a Lillipup's. "Here we go!" she said grabbing a vine as she swung to a tree adjacent the one she was already on top of, quickly picking the juicy ripened Oran Berries with quickness.

"That nice man will like these. Don't you think Druddigon?" she beamed. "That Dragon-type will love these too hopefully," she added as she continued to pick the fruit tucking it into a blue pouch. "I didn't get a chance to get close to it, so I don't really know it too well. But, it just looked very strong, cool, and cute."

"Druddi," the crimson and blue Pokemon answered back slightly uncaring.

"Something wrong?" Iris asked as she climbed down the tree with a brisk speed and pace, almost like an acrobat, striding over to the cold-blooded beast, she put her hand in the middle of the Dragon's chest and closed her eyes focusing on the lone Cave Pokemon, almost as if she were concentrating all on Druddigon and no other being existed. "Jealously, really?" Druddigon stayed quiet as he poked two fingers on his rough skinned claws together, Iris couldn't help but smirk comically at the situation.

"It's so cute you're jealous of the other Dragon, of course you're used to not having any competition." Iris said smiling snarkishly. "I'm just joking, but you really don't have to act like that. The other Dragon is awesome, that doesn't mean you're not."

"Digon, Digon," the Pokemon slightly embarrassed while blushing pretended not to care as he stared on into the rest of the lush green forested area, listening as he seemed to hear a small explosion as Iris picked more Orans, the sound intensified more and more as they both got quieter.

"Let's go check it out," Iris said to Druddigon.


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"Fraxure this time! With all the power you can muster, Dragon Pulse! I want hard work, you'll never get anywhere giving it a half effort! You've been with me for how long?! You should know this very well!" Drayden barked.

"Frax-Fraxu," the Dragon-type said panting and sweating viciously as a powerful charge of green and red energy was let loose from its mouth at a very rapid speed. Drayden quickly held up a shield, it looked as if it came from the Spartan Era itself, hiding behind it as Drayden was slightly pushed back by the powerful blast.

"Cool," Iris said looking on from a distant tree. "It's not the same Dragon from before, but still looks great," Druddigon watched as well standing behind the tree, slightly intimidated despite Fraxure being much smaller then itself, a much larger Dragon. "Let's approach him." Iris said as a slightly nervous Druddigon followed suit as well.

"Frax, Frax," Fraxure said happily hoping to have pleased its trainer.

"A very acceptable attack," Drayden complimented the middle staged Pokemon fulfilling its wishes, as Fraxure offered a high five to Drayden.

"Mister!" Iris said approaching Drayden. Drayden looked over almost confused at who she was, until she came closer, he realized she was the same child that he had saved from the violent Stoutland owned by that irresponsible teenager. Drayden fell silent as the girl approached him, his eyes trained on the Druddigon behind her. Druddigon got even more nervous with Drayden looking at him. "Sir, thank you for before. I went and picked you and your Pokemon some Berries, if you'll accept them, freshly ripened. Druddigon thinks so too," Iris held out the pouch full of various Berries. Drayden looked on, slightly surprised Iris would go to the trouble of not just picking, but finding the freshly ripened fruit and washing it.

"Thank you, young miss," Drayden answered back in his usual mature and manly gruff tone accepting the pouch of Berries, his eyes were back to being glued on Druddigon.

Does this Dragon actually belong to her? he thought.

"Druddi, Druddi," the Pokemon worried Iris, clearly uncomfortable.

"So, where are your family right now?" Drayden said as he returned Fraxure to its Poke Ball, making Druddigon a little less nervous.

"Well Druddigon's here," Iris answered back happily.

"I actually meant in regard to your parents?" Drayden further questioned her.

"I was raised by Dragons," Drayden slightly gasped at the idea of a human being raised by a Pokemon. Never in his life had he heard of such a fable as a Pokemon raising a human, let alone Dragon beast. He continued to humor Iris obviously unbelieving of it.

"Okay, well thank you young miss," Drayden said to the girl clearly thinking she was simply playing as children often would. His eyes turned away from Druddigon swiftly and became lined against a small figure, hanging from what seemed to be a very large tree. Iris took noticed to Drayden's look and stare.

"What are you looking at, sir?" Iris asked curiously.

"Nothing, I was just hoping it would possibly survive," Drayden said pointing toward the large tree. A very tiny green figure climbed and scaled branches with ease, it slowly moved on a much slender branch in an attempt to grab a loose Pecha Berry hanging at the very end. Unknown to the Axew, below it stood a wild Druddigon. Looking very angry and very violent. Looking especially hungry, starring daggers at the Axew. "Of course if it survives the fall, I'm not sure what it would do about that Druddigon."

"Oh, no," Iris said quietly, eyes captured in utter suspense.

"Indeed," Drayden added.

"Druddigon let's go!" Iris said as she hopped on the Cave Pokemon's back, as he sped toward the tree. "Sorry Mister! I have to go!" Iris gave a farewell to Drayden.

"Don't tell me she's going to?! The child's going to end up killing herself!" Drayden said worried as can be, sweat somersaulted off his forehead vibrantly as he gave chase after the duo.



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"Right here Druddigon!" Iris yelled as she stopped a few trees away from the large one, first scaling the tree next to it and gradually climbing from that branch to another, until she was on a branch of the massive tree itself trying her best to stay out of the temperamental Druddigon's sight as her own Druddigon stayed near by, out of its sight as well. The Axew continued to crawl to the thinner part of the branch in an attempt to retrieve the food. Meanwhile, Drayden had finally caught up, he scanned for Iris on the tree. The wild Druddigon's mouth took on a hot burning smell as fire engulfed its mouth, Drayden quickly took notice to this.

"Fraxure, keep it busy!" The Pokemon was released from its Poke Ball, Drayden worried about Fraxure battling a wild Druddigon, especially in its tired state from the amount of training it did, knowing it would be very risky or a potentially dangerous battle if having to deal with a hungry angry Pokemon for too long. An emission of blazing hot fire flew out Druddigon's mouth toward the tree, toward Iris and the Axew. "Block it with Dragon Pulse!" Drayden shrieked as the same green and red energy smacked the Flamethrower, a magnificent explosion erupted from the collision. The Druddigon roared and looked over, its razor sharp yellow eyes looking at Drayden's Fraxure now, Fraxure looked back. Druddigon charged Fraxure, with its claws glowing a menacing white red color as they locked with Fraxure's claws, which glowed a victorious strong bluish color, the Dragons pushed each other trying to overpower the other in a bout of pure strength. Meanwhile, Iris continued up the tree and had finally made it to the branch with the Axew, the Axew reached out its tiny hand wrapping it around the stem of the Pecha Berry and giving it a short yank, Iris made her way over to the thin end of the branch, grabbing the Axew's hand.

A crunching noise drew Iris's attention, the sound of bark splitting in half. Iris looked over worried, she slowly edged her way to the Axew, each edging the bark would crack a little more, it was like nails on a chalkboard to Iris's ears. She could only continue forward and hope for the best. In a split second however the limb was broken off.

"AAWWWWWWHHHHH!" Iris yelled petrified with the Axew falling next to her.

"XEEWWWW!" The Axew screamed in utter frantic fear as well.

"Distract it, Fraxure!" Drayden said as he bolted toward the falling Iris, Iris's Druddigon quickly came out of hiding as well frantically running for the falling duo, almost tripping in the process. Drayden's arms extended as far as they could, with Druddigon doing the same as the dark skinned girl's body hit his arms and chest like a sack of potato and Druddigon caught the Axew easily. Iris opened her eyes, looking up at Drayden's tough stern yellow eyes.

"You saved me again," Iris opened her eyes slowly as she hugged the warm Gym Leader. Drayden got slightly embarrassed, a happy embarrassment. "The Axew!?" Iris yelled as her eyes looked around catching her Druddigon's sight, he was holding the Axew. She jumped out of Drayden's arms and ran toward him. "I'm so glad you're safe," she beamed.

"Axew," the Pokemon said, wondering who the girl was. Iris quickly embraced the small Dragon-type.

"Awww, that's it. That's really cute," Iris said calmly as Drayden looked at Iris examining the interaction between her and the Axew. Drayden turned his attention to the wild Druddigon and Fraxure brawl going on before his eyes. Druddigon's eyes continued to lock on Fraxure's eyes in a stare down between the two, Druddigon and Fraxure backed up from each other a bit as Druddigon continued to glare Fraxure down.

"Frax," Fraxure tried to move its body. "Fraxu!" the middle staged Dragon Type cried out for help as the Druddigon walked slowly over, clearly more angry then ever. One arm glowed the same menacing red color, Druddigon was ready to finish the job.

"Damn it!" Drayden yelled worried, his body feeling like it was filled with lead as his limbs couldn't move at all.

"STOP!" Iris walked between the Druddigon and Fraxure as the Druddigon continued to approach Fraxure. "Stop it Druddigon!"

"Get out of the way, you little fool!" Drayden yelled.

"Listen Druddigon! Calm down!"

"Drudd!"

"Axe-Axe!" Iris became joined by the Axew and her own Druddigon.

"Axxxxeee!" Axew got hotheaded the Dragon's stomach showed off a transparent blue electric and fiery energy that it seemed to be concocting within. The energy gradually moved toward Axew's mouth. "Axx!" Axew opened his mouth but only a small burp of energy came out, the Cave Pokemon took the attack full force and only seemed to be more bothered and annoyed at the retaliation.

"Stop it, Axew!" Iris lectured the small Dragon as she ran up to Druddigon.

"Dammit," Drayden continued to curse under his breath, paralyzed. He helplessly glared at the situation.

"Listen to me, let me understand you, Druddigon," Iris said as she calmly locked eyes with the Druddigon, the very same caring eyes her own Druddigon loved about her. She slightly and slowly placed her hand on Druddigon's forehead closing her eyes. "You're going to be just alright, I know your heart. Axew was getting the Pecha Berry for you, he only attacked out of fear. I'm sorry if he trespassed on your usual tree," Iris said endearingly.

"This child!? Can understand it?!" Drayden thought amazed at what he was seeing.

"Please forgive us Druddigon," Iris said as Axew offered Druddigon the Pecha Berry. The once angry and raging Pokemon quickly turned less anxious as Iris continued to talk and cox it. Drayden continued to look on in pure bewilderment at the sight of it all.

"Druddi..." the Pokemon said as it walked away calmly.

"Thank you, Axew," The Pokemon still continued to look at Iris, the girl who he only knew for saving his life. "Druddigon can you get that pouch. I picked the perfect Berry to deal with paralysis. Let's fix up Fraxure and that man," Iris said cheerfully.


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After about twenty minutes Drayden and his Fraxure were finally mobile again, and Iris and Druddigon were resting soundly. The Axew Iris had risked her life for, hung around as well. Lying near Druddigon who watched over them both.

"Humph, is it possible she really was raised by Dragons?" Drayden speculated. "The child not only knew what Berry would specifically heal my paralysis, but she knew just how to calm down the Druddigon, without strife or force," Drayden said warmly. "She may just be what I'm looking for in a future of Opelucid," he walked over to Druddigon, Druddigon was still a tad nervous around Drayden, both of their yellow eyes stared at each other. "Tell her when she wakes up to come and visit this address," Drayden told the Pokemon handing him a small white card. "Tell her Drayden asked her to come. She should be able to understand that coming from you," Drayden said smiling weakly under his beard as him and his Fraxure walked away with the sun setting on Opelucid Forest.

Doryuzu
6th May 2012, 4:33 PM
A/N:Three chapters in nearly two weeks. That rounds out nicely, right guys? Well, this chapters sort of ends the whole "set-up" phase. Character introductions, and a flaws are finally touched upon. There's some Clay in this chapter, so yeah, just wanted to let you know if you're somebody who's crazy about him. The first official story arc. begins, and I think this chapter overtook the first two as the longest. As always, any and all criticism, comments, and thoughts are appreciated. It can only make me better, and make the fic more interesting and fun for you.



Chapter 3 Trust

"Stop everyone!" Drayden ordered.

The Opelucid courtroom and city hall ranted with many voices. It was a place for the discussion of many subjects, problems, and business regarding Opelucid City. Attending a meeting is the always responsible and wise Drayden. Nicknamed and called the "Spartan Mayor" by many.

"I worry more and more as times go on," a middle aged woman said. "My sister in Castelia City told me they've become more and more active as time goes on."

"Yeah it's really worrying, I especially am concerned for my children. I don't want them to feel pressured to release or get rid of their Pokemon. What if they show more of a presence here in Opelucid? I perish the thought," another woman answered back.

"Yeah, I even heard the sickos steal Pokemon from kids," a man butted in.

"Well, it's not like they're hurting anyone," a college girl came to the group's defense.

"Yeah, and we don't even know if the rumors about them are true. I say let them do what they want until we have some hard facts," a man cut in.

"How could you say that?!" the woman boomed.

"Calm down everyone!" Drayden commanded silence. "Team Plasma at the moment are being treated like a protest group. We don't have confirmation on any of Team Plasma's actions and whether they are factual or fictional. They are very much free to continue what they do, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. They have rights and opinions that we must respect, however if anyone sees Team Plasma committing any of these supposed actions I ask you report it with the utmost importance," Drayden negotiated. "What are your thoughts on this Clay?" Drayden said as he looked toward a heavy set man, sporting brown fluffy hair that peaked from under his rather large white cowboy hat. A face full of stern behavior and a tough demeanor showed through very clearly.

"My thoughts? If I had the chance those vermin would've already high tailed it out of my city. That bein' said Team Plasma's little ol' protest are Bouffalant ****. But, it ain't like I can do jack about it now can I? I can guarantee ya somethin', it ain't gonna be perty if I find out what has been said about them is true."

"As you can see nothing more can really be said or done regarding Team Plasma at the moment," Drayden announced to the crowd. The crowd soon turned into a insufferable amount of debating, bickering, and squabbling, Clay looked on very angry.

"Shut yer damn traps!" Clay barked out of anger. "Like yer Mayor said, nothin' can be done, drop it now," Clay said with a clearly quaky temper.

"That ends this meeting," Drayden proclaimed as people began to disperse from city hall.

"Thank you for your attention and involvement in the meeting today," Drayden thanked Clay.

"Ehhh, don't mention it. Those wranglers, Team Plasma, managed to whip this here region up into a frenzy. I'm gonna head to the inn for the day, I'm worn out, this business week here in Opelucid's really gonna be a chore, I can tell alread'."

"Yes, when do you think we can talk about the business regarding this girl," Drayden asked sternly.

"We'll cross that there bridge when we get there, I'm more focused on Team Plasma," Clay said. "The most irritating thing about this situation with those vermin is they're gaining more support and followers."

"Indeed," Drayden gave a grim farewell to Clay as he began to leave also. Team Plasma's Pokemon "liberation" plot and speeches didn't bother him, it more so bothered him to know Team Plasma was actually threatening people into getting what they wanted, and they were actually succeeding in some areas. In some places even, trainers who didn't follow Team Plasma were looked down upon and pressured into releasing their Pokemon. The fact Team Plasma were threatening violence and getting what they wanted was something Drayden couldn't tolerate. To an extent, Team Plasma were terrorists in the Spartan Mayor's eyes.

His gym soon came into view, he grabbed his jangling keys out of his pocket opening the gym's doors. Drayden walked around the gym, he was never ceased at how nostalgic his gym was. The worn out battlefield gave image to just how many battles had been had there, despite the field being built specifically for Pokemon battles. The most prominent decoration of Drayden's gym were defiantly the many Dragon statues that stood tall in few areas in the gym, the most noticeable was surely the long serpent that trailed around the gym in one complete rotation. His Opelucid Gym was one of the main reasons Opelucid became so popular for trainers, grown and fined until it truly was developed into not just a city, but a historic treasurous place for many. His nostalgic mood was interrupted by a knocking at the door.

He sprinted over, opening it. Standing before him was a rather typical girl, long fiery locks of red, rather slick eyes, and a petite nose decorated her face. She took a deep breath, locking eyes with the Spartan Mayor.

"Can...I help you?" Drayden asked as the girl remained silent.

"You sure can!" the girl beamed. "I need a battle!" she said holding out a Poke Ball.


***********

"Woah! Woah!" children fawned over the sight. Not everyday you see a girl riding atop a Dragon walking down the street. Iris was on her way to Drayden's gym after receiving news of him wanting to see her from Druddigon. She of course accepted with no problem.

"Hey everyone!" Iris said as she continued to wave and smile from her living scaly parade float. "I feel like a celebrity. Don't you like this too Druddigon?" Druddigon remained quiet however, being the Pokemon he is, he never really cared for getting too much attention. It was especially nerve raking when he got attention that he didn't even want, he was at least happy that Iris was enjoying herself. However, a certain man rained on Iris's parade.

"S'cuse me, miss," Clay walked in front of the young girl and Dragon, running into them on his way to his hotel. "That there Pokemon should be in a Poke Ball," Iris somersaulted off Druddigon and in front of Clay.

"Oh, sorry," Iris said embarrassingly. "I've just never gotten so much attention, plus Druddigon just doesn't have a Poke Ball," Iris explained to a clearly annoyed Clay.

"Yea' that's may be all fine and dandy to ya'. But, what would you do if this big ol' behemoth started rampagin' or stirring up somethin'?" Clay lectured.

"No, I'm here for some business I have to take care of," Iris said clearly getting defensive. "I know Druddigon, and know he wouldn't pull anything."

"Well, little girl, ya might think ya know yer Pokemon. But things happen, out of yer control, and if that there Pokemon ended up hurting someone. I'm pretty sure yer parents or ya couldn't pay any hospital bills or pay for any funerals now could ya?"

"Listen, mister. I didn't come to start any trouble, I'll leave when I see Mister um....." Iris's mind danced slightly. She never actually learned the man with the Fraxure's name.

"Uh, yeah. Lyin' ain't gettin' ya no where," Clay said clearly getting more temperamental at the older child as time went on.

"Druddigon, let's go," Iris ordered Druddigon as it began to walk away. Clay looked on from a distance as it walked away, frowning at the girl.

"The nerve of that guy!" Iris continued to walk alongside Druddigon. Iris soon came to the establisments front door, she tentatively stuck out her hand and took it upon herself to enter, alongside her Druddigon. She was sure it was the right address judging from the business card she got from Druddigon. She was met with a clash of force and pressure between Drayden and a challenger.

"Heat Wave!" Vierra commanded a large red Pokemon with a long snout, its predator eyes leering down Fraxure maliciously. Heatmor began to look on menacingly its mouth conjuring up a large ripple of fire mixed air, that was blasted at Fraxure, striking the Pokemon right on his red-dotted chest.

"Fraxure, stand tall!" Drayden ordered as Fraxure took the attack head on, a magnificent explosion of fire enveloped the area around Fraxure as well as a large cloud of smoke. Vierra looked at the dirt clouded area, pleased.

"Great! Now, send out your next Pokemon Drayden!" Vierra yelled victoriously. "Only two more to go!"

"Who said you had even defeated my first Pokemon yet?" Drayden said calmly as the smoke cleared from around the area, revealing a freshly shoveled hole in the ground. Vierra was shocked, she was so sure Fraxure was struck by the Heat Wave, Fraxure even told his Fraxure to stay put. She scanned the area around looking for the Axe Jaw Pokemon.

"Crap! Where is it?!" Vierra and Heatmor looked around, unknown to them the area behind Heatmor slowly cracked and shook, with each crack the hole dirt seemed to be pushing up. Vierra caught the hole, but she was too little too late.

"Show yourself Fraxure and use Dragon Tail!" Drayden screamed, the Pokemon quickly unearthed himself and jumped in the air behind the Heatmor, confidently smiling at the game of hide and seek. His tail soon began to give off a virulent sky blue as it shaped what looked to be dragon teeth around it. Fraxure soon, still in midair, delivered a point blank smack to Heatmor's back causing his tail to rebound off of of the Anteater Pokemon.

"Heeattt!" the Pokemon called out in pain as it fell forward clearly fatigued and unable to continue.

"You gave a great effort, but your Pokemon still need quite a bit more training," Drayden commended Vierra as he walked over to his tired Fraxure returning him to his Poke Ball. Vierra took a deep breath as her Heatmor was broken down to red light and returned to its Pokeball. "I gave it a great effort, yet I couldn't even beat one of your Pokemon?" Vierra said sarcastically.

"No you were great!" Iris boomed as her and Druddigon ran over. "I mean, he was stronger and won. But, that doesn't change the fact you battled hard too."

"Thanks a lot, it really does mean a lot to me," Vierra answered back. "Thanks, Drayden, well I'm leaving now. Let's battle again soon," Vierra said to Drayden walking away.

"Oh, so your name's Drayden," Iris said energetically. "Druddigon gave me your card, and you wanted to see me?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm glad you came. We have quite a bit to discuss," Drayden said causing Vierra to turn her head slightly in curiosity.

"Drayden's interested in her?" Vierra thought.

"What is your name young miss?" Drayden asked.

"I'm Iris," she answered.

"Well, Ms.Iris, being completely blunt, I would like you to help me out. I believe you have a lot of potential, I would like to offer you a scholarship. You'll learn a lot and become stronger," Drayden proposed the idea to Iris.

"I'm not sure. What's a scholarship?" Iris said unsure of herself.

"Well, what I mean is, I want you to become a prominent part of this gym," Drayden said blatant. "I'm the mayor and gym leader of this city, a gym is a facility meant to challenge trainers. I'm busy with mayor work a bit of the time, so you could work excellently as a co-gym leader. A person who will challenge challengers and such."

"Hm...Druddigon what do you think," Iris said as she embraced her Druddigon and put her head on his chest. Drayden once again observed and slightly smiled at the site. "If I accept..can Druddigon come too?"

"Indeed, there's more then enough room for your Druddigon."

Iris still looked on unsure,"Can I think about it for a while?" Iris asked.

"You may, in the meantime, I have to ask, did you really ride that Druddigon all the way to my gym?" Drayden asked.

"How did you know?"

"I got multiple calls about a child riding a Druddigon through town. Please don't do that again," Drayden said handing Iris a Poke Ball. "Simply tap it to your Druddigon's body. Using a Poke Ball will make your Druddigon more easy to travel with and carry, and it-"

"Him, he's a boy," Iris corrected Drayden.

"He," Drayden corrected himself, "will not get in trouble for not having a Poke Ball."

"Isn't it cramped and uncomfortable in there?" Iris asked.

"I'm not sure how to answer that, my Pokemon don't seem bothered by i,." Drayden answered the question to the best of his ability.

"Okay, Druddigon?" she said as she felt Druddigon's heart.

"....If..it...means...I..can....be...with...you...y es," Druddigon's heart answered back.

"Awesome! Druddigon's okay with that," Iris said as she gave Druddigon a light tap on the head as he was sucked inside the red and white metallic sphere, the ball's center button glowed three times in a row and soon emitted a surge of sparkles. Iris smiled, "Now we won't get in trouble Druddigon. Hey Drayden how do I let Druddigon out?" she asked.

"Simply press the button in the middle and throw the ball or just press the button," Drayden answered.

"Okay! Druddigon come on out!" Iris said as she threw the Pokeball in the air, her Dragon materialized in front of her face. "I hope you were comfy in there," she said to Druddigon.

"Maybe being with Drayden will be fun," Iris thought.

"Shall we talk more about this in my office?" Drayden said as him and Iris walked toward his office. She held the door open for his young soon-to-be apprentice.

"Hey!" Vierra said walking over to Iris.

"Huh?" Iris asked.

"You think we could hang out sometime, you seem really cool. Vierra's the name," Vierra asked curiously. Iris was a tad taken back by the offer, she barely knew who Vierra was and yet she wanted to be Iris's friend.

"Um...sure," Iris said slightly embarrassed.

"Great! I'll be back in a little while, we'll do some exploring in Opelucid!"

"Sure, thanks for the offer," Iris said smiling as Vierra walked out of the gym.


*********************

"Have you always been able to understand Dragons' hearts?" Drayden continued his questions to Iris.

"Well, no, it's sort of something I learned. I really love Dragons and I guess I got really really attached, since I was raised by Dragons," Iris said slightly blushing as she looked at Druddigon's Poke Ball. "I never forget the past, but I'm always looking toward the future." Drayden couldn't help but grin warmly at the phrase.

"Opelucid is my home, I truly cherish this city for everything it's worth. I'm proud to be able to support and develop it more alongside my Pokemon," Drayden said holding out Fraxure's Poke Ball to show Iris. Iris beamed at Drayden's regard and opinion of Opelucid.

"So, is that Druddigon all you have?"

"Well, yeah, Druddigon is my only Pokemon. I love him a lot though," Drayden continued to lecture Iris with questions, trying to find out more and more about the girl who could supposedly understand the hearts of Dragons and his new apprentice. "Um...Drayden. Can we please battle that other Dragon of yours?" Iris asked anxiously ending the Spartan's Mayor's little interview.

"Other Dragon?"

"Well, I noticed you had a bigger Dragon than that Fraxure."

"Haxorus? Okay, but on one condition," Drayden proposed. "If I win you accept to be my apprentice." Drayden said slightly grinning, playing with Iris.

"Alrighty oh!" Iris said with Druddigon's Pokeball in hand, as if it was a jewel itself.


********************
Opelucid Forest Area

"Axeww," the young Dragon yawned waking up from a sleep. Axew looked around, surely there was a girl and a Druddigon here. He was sure, the same girl who saved Axew's life, had he dreamed it? Axew heard something, some talking in the distance. He eavesdropped from a more slender branch on the tree.

"We invade soon," said a eerily adult male voice. "Opelucid's future will be in our hands, we'll make them open their eyes and see."

"But, what about the Spartan Mayor?" said a female voice.

"If the girl gets her job done, he'll be nothing to worry about," said the male voice.

"Yeah, he'll be a cakewalk," Axew listened harder, hearing a new voice enter the scene. He continued to get an ear full, he gasped and his eyes widened at what he had further heard.



***********************

"Don't expect for me to go easy on you just because we're friends," Iris roared.

"I wouldn't want anything less," Drayden exclaimed.

"Okay Druddigon come out!" Iris yelled as she hurled Druddigon's Poke Ball onto the battlefield, the Dragon-type came out standing tall, his crimson and blue body gave off the look of a proud Pokemon.

"Haxorus!" Drayden boomed as his Poke Ball exploded with a flash of intense light, a monstrous creature appeared, large muscles, razor sharp claws, a rough build, and a body covered in primarily black, red, and green looked menacingly at Druddigon. Probably the most intimidating thing about the Pokemon, its bloody red eyes that looked as if they would pierce through one's soul if looked at for too long, almost as sharp as the Pokemon's jaws itself. The Pokemon continued to eyeball Druddigon with those same paralyzing hellish eyes. Druddigon couldn't move, his soul and heart were sliced cleanly through by the Axe Jaw Pokemon's simple gaze.

"Druddi?" Druddigon said looking at Iris, beginning to sweat out of nervousness.

"Checkmate already?" Drayden said to himself. "You may have the first move Iris," Drayden offered.

"Okay! Druddigon! Use Scratch!" Druddigon remained motionless. "Druddigon! I made a call for a Scratch!" Iris yelled once more which caused no reaction, Druddigon was stuck in Haxorus's withering eyes.

"If your Druddigon won't attack, Haxorus will! Dragon Claw!" Haxorus sped toward Druddigon clearly ready to do battle.

"Druddigon! Do something!" Iris ordered as her Druddigon recoiled in fear covering his face with his arms as Haxorus delivered a welly placed strike to his scale covered body causing, Druddigon was sent into the dirt in pain, Haxorus showed a sign of small anguish after the attack.

"Druddigon! Quick use your Dragon Claw!" Iris ordered but, Druddigon simply remained stationary.

"Why Druddigon, why? Iris thought. This certainly something that had never happened before to Iris's Druddigon, was it because of Haxorus? Facing off against such a strong opponent? Was it because Druddigon was battling a Pokemon much bigger than him? Iris didn't have a clue or know what to think in the futile situation she was in.

"Really, I expected more. Draco Meteor!" the Spartan Mayor ordered as Haxorus's inner body took on a yellow glow, it slowly built up until the Axe Jaw's Pokemon's stomach was almost completely consumed in the magnificent energy, Haxorus looked up and spat a large blast of yellow power toward the roof. The energy soon broke into multiple charges and landed in random places around the gym, Iris was wary herself of the attack. Not many hit Druddigon, but the ones that did rocked the Cave Pokemon's world, each beating from the charges feeling as if the Pokemon was being struck by a meteor shower itself. The Pokemon bruised and fatigued gave into his tired nature and fell down. "Well that was short," Drayden said as his Haxorus returned back into its Poke Ball. "That Druddigon clearly needs a lot of work," he said to himself.

"Druddigon!" Iris said running up to the beaten and battered Pokemon concerned. "Are you okay?" she asked caring.

"Druddigon," the Pokemon said calmly confirming his safety. Iris's concern quickly turned into a scolding.

"Why didn't you attack?!" Iris yelled. "I mean! I thought you had that for sure, you're already big and strong but you didn't attack or move!"

"Druddi," the Pokemon silently humbled retreated into his Poke Ball.

"Hmmm..that's never happened before. Why?" Iris asked herself.

"Well, that was interesting," Drayden said walking over to Iris. "Hm...I would think you would at least notice your Druddigon was paralyzed with fear, given you can understand Dragons," Drayden lectured.

"Druddigon doesn't have a reason to be scared though," A swift knock at the door stole Drayden's attention from Iris. He continued to talk and walk toward the door.

"Making choices on what you should do for and with your Pokemon is something only a trainer can make themselves, if you don't understand your Pokemon well enough, can you really expect them to trust you? Your problem is, you didn't listen and understand your Pokemon in battle, your the girl who knows the hearts of Dragons, listen to your Dragon," Drayden said as he walked over to answer the door.

"Listen..." Iris repeated the words in her mind, staring at Druddigon's Poke Ball. Drayden opened the door all the way, enough for Iris to see who was knocking and vice versa.

"Iris!" Vierra boomed as she ran over to Iris. "So, are you ready to hangout?"

"Iris you still have a lot to discuss with me," Drayden said.

"I'll just be gone for a little bit Drayden," Iris said as Vierra pulled her out the door. Drayden sighed.

"So, I was thinking we could go try some White ancient tea, shipped in from White Forest itself," Vierra said.

"Something is wrong with my Druddigon right now, you think we could do this another time?" Iris asked.

"What's wrong?" Vierra asked curiously.

"Druddigon seemed to be afraid to attack during a battle I just had against Drayden, wouldn't even tell me why. I'm more focused on that right now, sorry about blowing you off like this," Iris apologized.

"Oh, well, that sucks," Vierra said in a bubbly tone. "Must have been very humiliating for you," Vierra reminded Iris of the painful view.

"Yeah..whatever," Iris said slightly annoyed. "Well here, come here, tonight. Bring Drayden too, the Opelucid Park is just beautiful with all the stars and natural light and life at nighttime. We can all have a small picnic to make up for you not being able to hangout right now," Vierra said smiling wonderfully.

"Thanks, we'll come at around nine o'clock," said Iris.

"See ya later! Hope you find out Druddigon's problem!" Vierra said as she scampered away.

"She certainly is a bubble head," Iris said scratching her head. She took another look at Druddigon's Poke Ball, taking Drayden's past words to heart.


------------------------------------
Nine O' Clock

"I guess it's nice you're making friends," Drayden said to Iris as they both walked toward the entrance of Opelucid Park.

"Yeah, I guess. Druddigon didn't even come out of his Poke Ball, I want him to come out when he's ready. I wonder if I was too insensitive?" Iris wondered.

"In these situations, it's best for the trainer to take initiative and approach the Pokemon first," Drayden taught Iris. "While it can be hard for you to do, realizing your mistakes and own shortcoming will make you stronger for the future," Drayden said in a mentoring tone.

"Oh, Iris, Iris!" Vierra jumped up and down, to indicate her spot on a picnic blanket.

"Hey Vierra," Iris said as Vierra hopped over to her, smiling a very large grin. As she pointed her and Drayden to a blanket on the ground, with quite a bit of food on it ready to be eaten. Complete with napkins and utensils, Iris and Drayden sat down on the dotted sheet.

"Thank you for the invite," Drayden spoke.

"It's no problem, thank you for my new friend and the gym battle," she said handing Drayden and Iris small plates with slices of cake on them. Iris took a bite of the delectable pastry.

"This is good," Iris said.

"I hope so, I did make it myself," she said as she dug into the cake and laid out more food.

"So, the humiliating defeat because of Druddigon being a scaredy Purrloin. Have you figured out why?" Vierra asked not minding her language as she poured a cup of tea for Iris and lemonade for Drayden.

"No, I just wish I knew, I gotta go for a second. I'll be right back," Iris said distantly, she got up and walked away with Druddigon's Poke Ball in hand toward the far end of the park. She sighed, once again gazing at Druddigon's Poke Ball. "I just wish you could make me understand," Iris said sadly as she was taken back to what Druddigon's heart felt before.


"....If..it...means...I..can....be...with...you...y es." Iris felt a wave of guilt fall over her. She couldn't help but feel bad, however she soon took a look at Druddigon's Poke Ball and a determined aura fell over her, she wasn't going to let a simple battle get in the way of her and her Pokemon. She let Druddigon out of his Poke Ball and he stood tall and looked around curiously at the new scenery, and at Iris.

"Listen Druddigon, I'm sorry about pitting you against a stronger and more experienced opponent like Haxorus. It wasn't fair and I wasn't taking your feelings into account," she explained sheepishly. "I should have given you more time, to train to become more confident in your power before using you against Haxorus, since you're new to gyms and challenging trainers, just like I am. So, I'm sorry and I just wanna say, if you'll work with me, I'll work harder to be a better trainer. Drayden said a trainer should take the initiative and be responsible in situations like this, so what do you say?" Iris held out her hand. Druddigon looked at the Iris and at the ground, he ran over and picked up the Dragon loving girl and began to hug her joyfully.

"That's a yes I hope," Iris giggled as Druddigon hugged her tightly as he often would when they played in the forest at times. "You don't have to worry at all about your confidence, we'll work on that together!" Iris said gleefully, happy to be back on good terms with Druddigon. The two took a seat on the ground and began reminiscing about the times they had together since they were both younger. Druddigon and Iris both giggled, making joyful noise at the past times they had made together. However, a whiny voice broke the nostalgic mood.

"AXXXXEWW!" Iris turned her head to see a screaming Axew running toward her. "AXX! AXX!" the Pokemon said frantic, Iris recognized the Pokemon as the same one from Opelucid Forest.

"You again? What's the matter?" Iris said calmly as she picked up the yelling Dragon. Axew pointed toward the right, Iris peered out through the lush bush next to her that made a natural barrier between the street and the park, she listened through Axew's whining and heard the distant sound of feet moving in unison down the street, it grew larger with every step. She saw mysterious people dressed in white making there way down the street, "who are they?" she continuously asked herself.


******************

"Did I say something wrong?" Vierra asked.

"Yes, you did, please try not to bring up Iris's Druddigon's battling problem. It brings up unfond feelings for her."

"Oh, I see. I'm sorry," she said handing Drayden the cup of lemonade.

"Iris is going to be something great for Opelucid's gym, I hope so, so I really am concerned about her," he said picking up the lemonade.

"Well she is under your mentorship...." Vierra said sharply. "Too bad...I don't think she'll get far though."

"Why?" Drayden said sipping the lemonade.

"Because..Opelucid belongs to Team Plasma now," Drayden's eyes slammed shut as he fell out, dropping the lemonade on the ground.

diamondpearl876
14th May 2012, 6:09 AM
Hi, I finally got to this. I pointed out parts from each chapter and put general thoughts/comments at the very end.


The city of the old and the new, truly a nostalgic treasure for many. Life in Opelucid was always calm and yet so exciting, many people traversed the city daily with the latest Castelia City designed cellphones, the most up to date computers, the roads and sidewalks held the most nature efficient streetlights, that went for all of Opelucid's technology. People put nature and technology in high regard in Opelucid, appreciating the grace and life of nature and the convenience and helpfulness of technology was Opelucid's unofficial law by many. The city gave off a certain air about it, accustomed to itself and few other places in Unova.

Here, you emphasize an awful lot about technology, but you don't really describe the city's nature aspect, which you say is equally important. When it comes to description, you could emphasize everything that's important, otherwise you might be unintentionally misleading readers into thinking something's especially important when it's not.



"You dropped something." He said as he pointed the Pecha at Molly.

Grammar is especially important in fics, so I'd like to point out the correct way to format grammar regarding dialogue and spech tags.

When a character says something, there should be a comma after their speech, and following the comma should be the speech tag (like "he said" or "she said"). Since the speech tag is a continuation of the sentence, it does not need to be capitalized. So, this part should be corrected and look like this:

"You dropped something," he said as he pointed the Pecha at Molly.

I hope you understand and see the difference. You make this mistake a lot throughout the fic, and I only pointed it out here. I'd watch out for it in the future. The less grammatical errors there are, the more engaged a reader can become in a story since they aren't being distracted.


"You two have got to pick up the slack!" he said as he and an a Flaaffy continued to physical push rotate a rather large wheel with much might.
Should just be "a Flaaffy"



Drayden and Deed gradually finished cutting all the timber, finishing their work for the day. They went to see Mr.Saint in his office.

Not sure why this part is italicized. It seems like something you'd put in a script, not regular prose. Watch out for that.


"Stouu" a large brown furry canine Pokemon growled as it's fangs shook viciously the Pokemon came charging toward the crowd, the people panicked as the Pokemon barely missed them, hitting a light pole. The pole shuddered and shuck as it began to gradually lean back and forth and soon gave way to gravity. A child looked on from the ground in utter shock as it was about to fall on her. This truly was a gruesome site.

"it's" should be "its". "It's" is a contraction for "it is," which doesn't make sense here..

"Site" should be "sight."

Pretty sure you meant "shook" not "shuck," since shuck makes me think of corn.

Anyway, I pointed this section out in particular to show you that it might be a good idea to get a beta or to try proof reading your fic more before you post it. :O

Anyway, I don't normally follow pokemon fics that follow non-original characters, but I do like how you're expanding on two characters that we know little about, especially gym leaders. They get little screen time and development despite being considered important to the pokemon world, so it's good to see.

Your dialogue is also pretty good and realistic. You portray the characters' personalities pretty well through dialogue, which is important. An older lady talking about nostalgic days or an older gym leader thinking about the younger generation that way is very realistic, so good job there.

Description is fine, though it could be more detailed in some places. Remember to describe what's important to the story. Also, variety in your description would help. You use an awful lot of sentences that say something along the lines of "he did this as she did this" or "he talked as she ran". The constant use of "as" kind of makes your sentence structure repetitive.

As part of description, I would consider adding genders to pokemon, since dragon pokemon seem important. Calling them "it" all the time can be a bit jarring.

I find it interesting how Iris might have been raised by dragons. It would certainly be an exciting concept to add to the fic. I don't know if that's canon or not, though, since I don't watch the anime. Either way, I'll be eager to see what you do with it. Also, I like Drayden's teacher role and his seemingly wise personality, as it seems to fit him since he is the last gym leader, after all. Am also curious as to why Druddigon suddenly stopped attacking. Wonder if it has anything to do with actually being caught in a pokeball now? Iris is no longer just family, she's his trainer. Finally, there's Vierra, who seemed suspicious from the beginning. I mean, why else would she want to be so interested in Iris when she just came for a simple battle? lol. Nice cliffhanger.

All in all, the fic needs work, particularly with grammar and description, but it has potential because of your characters and plot. Keep it up!

Sidewinder
14th May 2012, 4:47 PM
Sorry it took me awhile to get here, but let the exchanging commence!


So modern, yet so old. The city was almost like a vintage wine itself, aged to perfection. The city of the old and the new, truly a nostalgic treasure for many. Life in Opelucid was always calm and yet so exciting

I get what you're trying to say here, however, the similar two words used to describe the city so close together makes me think that you're sliding past trying to tell us what the city is all about and its more like you're trying to convince yourself of how you're describing it.


muscles were rather big truly a walking testament to all his hard work over the years.

Could use a comma after the word 'big'


generator wheel. Sending it's

Comma after wheel instead of a period.


"Forget it. What do Gyms do anyway?" he questioned Deed.

"Gyms are designed to test the strength of trainers, trainers who are strong and live in the city are the Gym Leaders. It takes a lot of skill, so I've heard." Deed answered clearly as they reached the backyard of the electricity generation factory. Drayden and Deed walked over picking up the pic axes as Flaaffy and Axew sat cylinder shaped pieces of wood in front of their respective owners.

I found it hard to believe that he wouldn't know what A Gym is used for. If he's had a sheltered upbringing, that might explain some of it, but even then, it's somewhat odd. Pokemon encompass every aspect of this world. From living, fun, training, building, etc, and it doesnt make sense to me that this fourteen year old wouldnt know something as basic as this. If you're trying to show his ignorance because of his youth I can understand it, just be careful not to make central characters unrelateable. I hope that makes sense lol


"Mr.Saint we've finished our task for the day." Deed said

Comma instead of a period again. When you follow speech with an action, you can use a comma to continue.


Bustling Brown eyes almost more adoring then a Lillipup's. "

brown does not to be capitalized


"So were are your family right now?" Drayden said as he returned Fraxure to it's Poke Ball, making Druddigon a little less nervous.

were should be where

Besides the portions I mentioned, I only found a few more grammar mistakes as I was reading. Mostly comma related errors (which is something I struggle with in my own fic lol) As I'm sure you know, grammar is very important to a story, as it allows a reader to breeze through a story with ease instead of tripping over silly mistakes. That was one thing that kinda bothered me as I was reading, I kept having to stop and examine different portions because of grammatical errors. Other than those though, I had a fun time reading it, and I'm glad I did it all in one sitting.

Drayden is interesting to me. From his beginnings to becoming mayor, he is an oddity that I can't quite put my finger on. He seems to run the city with an iron fist, and the portion with Clay telling Iris to keep her Druddigon in a ball while in the city was a testament to this. He certainly has the makings of a stern dictator in him. From his portions in the story I can tell that he means well, and he really does care about his city, but at the same time to keep the peace he has to act in a way that could be construed as totalitarianistic. Which is a very weird line to toe because it opens up alot of possible paths for this character to take. I really wouldn't be surprised to see him turn out as a villian when all of this is said and done.

Iris is another mystery to me so far. Being raised by dragons is an exciting start to the story, and just like Drayden opens up alot of different ways you can tell her story. BTW, I like that she has a Druddigon, as from my limited time with Gen 5, it was always one of my favorites. Like diamondpearl said above, you may consider adding genders. It helps readers get more connected with the pokemon, plus you open up the realm on gender issues of each specie. Anyway, Iris's casual and 'girly' attitude is usually a turn off for me in most fics, but for some reason I keep finding myself wanting to connect with her. Her backstory was revealed a little too quickly for my taste, and her being so casual about it. At the same time though, someone raised by dragons might not think that its a big deal (insert Tarzan situation here). I'm sure her experiences with them is likely to affect her behavoir in different situations, along with what I'm hoping will be odd habits that only dragons have (eating raw meat being a theory haha) I look forward to where you take her from here

All in all, I like what you have put out so far. It does need work, especially when it comes to grammar, but you have a nice start and I'm eager to see where you take this. Nice job!

Doryuzu
15th May 2012, 3:42 AM
Here, you emphasize an awful lot about technology, but you don't really describe the city's nature aspect, which you say is equally important. When it comes to description, you could emphasize everything that's important, otherwise you might be unintentionally misleading readers into thinking something's especially important when it's not. Thanks, I didn't notice. I guess the emphasizing could be more balanced ^^;;




Grammar is especially important in fics, so I'd like to point out the correct way to format grammar regarding dialogue and spech tags.

When a character says something, there should be a comma after their speech, and following the comma should be the speech tag (like "he said" or "she said"). Since the speech tag is a continuation of the sentence, it does not need to be capitalized. So, this part should be corrected and look like this:

"You dropped something," he said as he pointed the Pecha at Molly.

I hope you understand and see the difference. You make this mistake a lot throughout the fic, and I only pointed it out here. I'd watch out for it in the future. The less grammatical errors there are, the more engaged a reader can become in a story since they aren't being distracted.Thanks so much, that was a problem I struggled with before and have been pretty inconsistent about. Thanks for giving me a definite answer and solution.



Should just be "a Flaaffy"

Fix'd :P


Not sure why this part is italicized. It seems like something you'd put in a script, not regular prose. Watch out for that.
Italicized to say what they did specifically. Just something I went with ^^;;



"it's" should be "its". "It's" is a contraction for "it is," which doesn't make sense here..

"Site" should be "sight."

Pretty sure you meant "shook" not "shuck," since shuck makes me think of corn.
All fixed and noted for in future chapters to watch out for.



Anyway, I pointed this section out in particular to show you that it might be a good idea to get a beta or to try proof reading your fic more before you post it. :O
True true. I'll be more careful in the future, I didn't notice all those grammatical errors XD



Anyway, I don't normally follow pokemon fics that follow non-original characters, but I do like how you're expanding on two characters that we know little about, especially gym leaders. They get little screen time and development despite being considered important to the pokemon world, so it's good to see. Iris & Drayden are characters in particular I've had the strong urge and want to write for, so that means a lot to me. I wanna expand on them and explain things for them. I'm glad to see you think it's okay/good. XD


Description is fine, though it could be more detailed in some places. Remember to describe what's important to the story. Also, variety in your description would help. You use an awful lot of sentences that say something along the lines of "he did this as she did this" or "he talked as she ran". The constant use of "as" kind of makes your sentence structure repetitive.
Yeah, I noticed that. Do you have any other sentence variations in particular? I'm so used to using these so I've never really seen too many others, truth be told
. At least I think not.


As part of description, I would consider adding genders to pokemon, since dragon pokemon seem important. Calling them "it" all the time can be a bit jarring.Yeah, I was pretty inconsistent about that. Referred to some Pokemon as "him" some scenes and "it" other scenes. But, I do agree genders make them feel more like characters in their own right.


I find it interesting how Iris might have been raised by dragons. It would certainly be an exciting concept to add to the fic. I don't know if that's canon or not, though, since I don't watch the anime. Nice cliffhanger. It's more so an expansion on Game Iris and not really based on Anime Iris. It's not canon in the anime and I think not game either, though I'm unsure. Haha, I'm surprised you liked the cliffhanger. Thank you.





I get what you're trying to say here, however, the similar two words used to describe the city so close together makes me think that you're sliding past trying to tell us what the city is all about and its more like you're trying to convince yourself of how you're describing it.Excellent observation. Now that I reread it, it certainly does need work and does come off as that way.




Could use a comma after the word 'big'



Comma after wheel instead of a period.
How the heck did I not notice those.



I found it hard to believe that he wouldn't know what A Gym is used for. If he's had a sheltered upbringing, that might explain some of it, but even then, it's somewhat odd. Pokemon encompass every aspect of this world. From living, fun, training, building, etc, and it doesnt make sense to me that this fourteen year old wouldnt know something as basic as this. If you're trying to show his ignorance because of his youth I can understand it, just be careful not to make central characters unrelateable. I hope that makes sense lol

True, I was trying to show off his ignorance as a child and youth. I'll work more on relateable behavior in the future. The whole not knowing what a gym is for, might be a tad too "overly ignorant" like you said. This is during a time where the gym industry and Pokemon League was just expanding and growing larger in Unova, and this is Opelucid's first gym ever in history. But, that certainly does make me think a lot so thanks for pointing it out :0



Comma instead of a period again. When you follow speech with an action, you can use a comma to continue.


brown does not to be capitalized



were should be whereI need glasses 0_o


Besides the portions I mentioned, I only found a few more grammar mistakes as I was reading. Mostly comma related errors (which is something I struggle with in my own fic lol) As I'm sure you know, grammar is very important to a story, as it allows a reader to breeze through a story with ease instead of tripping over silly mistakes. That was one thing that kinda bothered me as I was reading, I kept having to stop and examine different portions because of grammatical errors. Other than those though, I had a fun time reading it, and I'm glad I did it all in one sitting.Thanks, I'm quite lazy with my grammar, I really need to be more careful about this in the future. I didn't notice all those errors and mistakes.


Iris is another mystery to me so far. Being raised by dragons is an exciting start to the story, and just like Drayden opens up alot of different ways you can tell her story. BTW, I like that she has a Druddigon, as from my limited time with Gen 5, it was always one of my favorites. Like diamondpearl said above, you may consider adding genders. It helps readers get more connected with the pokemon, plus you open up the realm on gender issues of each specie. Anyway, Iris's casual and 'girly' attitude is usually a turn off for me in most fics, but for some reason I keep finding myself wanting to connect with her. Her backstory was revealed a little too quickly for my taste, and her being so casual about it. At the same time though, someone raised by dragons might not think that its a big deal (insert Tarzan situation here). I'm sure her experiences with them is likely to affect her behavoir in different situations, along with what I'm hoping will be odd habits that only dragons have (eating raw meat being a theory haha) I look forward to where you take her from here
Thank you so much, I actually do have a bit planned in regards to that. I didn't really expect anyone to pick up on it, I'll have things all said and shown in the future. Trust me, Iris doesn't seem to think being raised by Dragons is a big deal ^^ And again I agree to much on the gender thing.



All in all, I like what you have put out so far. It does need work, especially when it comes to grammar, but you have a nice start and I'm eager to see where you take this. Nice job!Thanks, I hope I can do these characters justice.

Doryuzu
20th May 2012, 4:49 PM
A/N:Longest update period to date is this one. This chapter has back story, explains a lot, and introduces the villains. We learn more about some people, and some new characters who will play a nicely sized role in the story from here on out or later are featured here as well, Looker enters the fray. I hope you enjoy this chapter, once again any and all comments or criticisms are appreciated. Credits to Misheard Whisper (Author of the very intriguing, interesting, and fun Champion Game) for my nice new banner. I feel like the transitions and pacing this chapter could have been much better. Also this chapter, word wise is officially the longest chapter of all my chapters so far. How many words you may ask? Exactly, 7,350 words. This mama's nice and fat, hope you enjoy. Also, a bit of foreshadowing in this chapter. Can you guess what specifically it is?


Chapter 4 Opelucid in Flames

"Haha!" a young girl chased a fleeing Pidove that flied frantically around the large free meadow, the sun nearly almost down as the light was dimming and ready to welcome the nightlife.

"You go!" she said throwing a Poke Ball as a Heatmor materialized in front of her. "Heatmor, let's try Incinerate!" she said giggling happily as the Anteater Pokemon shot a blast of red hot blaze in pursuit of the bird, the Pokemon simply careened out of the way fleeing into the sky.

"Shoot! Not again," she sighed. "Well, I didn't want that one badly anyway," she snarled looking at Heatmor slightly annoyed at the failed attempt at capture."We'll get one next time," the girl pointed the Poke Ball at Heatmor ready to return it. A rustle to her right quickly drew her attention though.

"What's that?" she looked shocked as she turned her vision toward the tall grass in the meadow.

"Daruma! Darumaka," a red round egg shaped figure with yellow curly eyebrows popped out of the grass dancing cheerfully.

"D'awwww how cute," Vierra marveled at the Zen Charm Pokemon. Darumaka playfully looked at Heatmor, its fist pumped with fire, as it jammed Heatmor square in the chest sending it flying nearly two yards backwards sliding against the ground.

"Daruma~" the Pokemon continued to dance playfully.

"Oh, I see. You do pack a punch, no pun intended, we'll play with you then! Incinerate, Heatmor," the same fire power as before was sent toward Darumaka, who stood its ground, taking the fire move head-on and continuing to dance even after wards.

"Daruuuumaaa," the Pokemon turned into a wheel of blazing heat and fire as it rocketed toward the Anteater Pokemon, engulfing Heatmor in flames as the Anteater Pokemon slammed into the ground burned and battered. Darumaka looked mischievously at the sight of it all.

"Not only is it fast and resilient but, it has Fire Punch and Flame Wheel? That only makes me want it more!" Vierra fawned.

"You've got to hit it Heatmor! Fury Swipes!" Heatmor raced toward the Zen Charm Pokemon slashing its hands at its opponent with rapid speed, Darumaka however easily evaded each attack from the much slower adversary. Heatmor looked at the Darumaka with clear anger and frustration as it delivered a sneaky jab to the enemy's midsection.

"Nice Sucker Punch," Vierra said gleefully as she held out a Pokeball to make the Zen Charm Pokemon her own. "Lick!" Heatmor's long strong slimy tongue appeared from its snout and smacked Darumaka in the face, Darumaka, not dancing anymore, looked on appearing to be mentally traumatized by the attack. "Poke Ball, go!" Vierra tossed the metallic sphere at Darumaka, watching as it was quickly forced inside the small spherical capsule. A small spring of sparkles danced off the Poke Ball. She ran over picking up the sphere, smiling happily as she pointed the newly caught toward Heatmor. "Job well done."


--------------------------------

"The premiere fire specialist is here, I'm Vierra," an older Vierra said as she spun around with two Poke Balls in her hands, showing off to her father as she wore her backpack.

"Vierra how many times have I told you. Your Fire-types just aren't strong enough, I doubt you would be recognized as a professional fire specialist by anyone," the man said bluntly.

"Annnnd that's why I'll prove you wrong on my journey," she said winking.

"Vierra...I don't wanna see you get hurt, it takes a lot to specialize in one type of Pokemon. That's one of the reasons Gym Leaders are so popular and strong, they've trained and become attuned to it. Not to mention the many many disadvantages that will be exploited when people find out you only work with one type. I also have a position to vouch for, it won't look good on my behalf if you fail," the man said holding out the bills of currency. "I'd rather we return it and send you in the future, when money's better."

"No worries, I'll see ya in a few months and I'll be a star fire user," Vierra said walking out the front door as her father looked on sadly.

Vierra traveled to many cities and many places in an attempt to get stronger and become a true fire specialist. She battled many challengers and opponents, things for her Pokemon usually ended in defeat though. She tried her luck against Electric Star and Shining Beauty, Elesa, however by the end of the battle she ended up dizzy, shocked, and dazzled. She tried to take on The HighFlying Girl and Flying-type specialist, Skyla but was fondly blasted away by Skyla's potent, "Walking on Air" battling style. She even tried to take on an unofficial Water-type gym, but was drenched by one simple Pokemon. Her time was ticking away. It almost seemed like Vierra's Pokemon never improved.

"Hydro Pump," the ghost water jellyfish sent a long blast of high pressure water at Darumaka knocking it out. "We won! We won," the trainer jumped up and down as she hugged her Frillish. "Thanks for the sparring match."

"Well, we lost," Vierra said as she helped up the Zen Charm Pokemon after its loss to the traveling trainer. "Another loss...my last chance...dad's last chance," she said as tears welled up in her eyes.


-----------------

"I'm so embarrassed of my daughter, please forgive me," Vierra's father apologized in front of two men. They wore rather dark attire and stood tall, while sporting various watches and rings, his suit gave off the scent of expensive cologne. Their shades, commonly seen among wealthy Black City men, hid their untrustworthy eyes. Their snake-like accents and venomous tones was especially leery.

"We understand sir, but we expect to at least be payed back this amount by two months," one man answered.

"Besides Harry, it's not your fault your daughter has weak Pokemon with no potential. But, if you want continued protection it would be wise not to be late this time."

"I'll try to be on time, just please understand I have bills to pay and a family to feed too," the man pleaded.

"We hate late payers," the man hissed.

"I'm sorry, please my daughter just wanted to start her Pokemon journey and I've been delaying it for a long while now. I just didn't have the money and only borrowed it with good intentions," the man continued to negotiate.

"That brat right there!" the man's tone turned temperamental, "We invested our money in her!" he boomed as he stared daggers at Harry and his daughter.

"Black City men hate being tricked, Harry," the other man said venomously. "You should know that very well..."

"Please, please. Just please understand my situation and give me the chance to pay you back."

"You were once a member with us, you're practically like family," the man said deceitfully. "Of course, the easiest way to fix your daughter's mistake would be to come back. Good day, Harry. Remember, if you return, we'll welcome you back with open arms," the man grinned vilely.

"Thank you.." Vierra's father said as the men walked out the door.

"Dad..."

"This is why I wanted to wait Vierra! Now I've been put in some more serious debt! We already struggle enough with money as it is!" the man yelled having no sympathy for his daughter.

"I didn't know it would be that hard!" Vierra said with a waterfall streaming down her face.

"Your mother and sister are apart of this family too! They've taken up more hours to help out, and now this happens!" the man put his hands on his head as it continued to throb.

"Dad..."

"What you don't understand is those Fire-types can never become stronger then they already are! They just don't have the correct training and potential to, they could learn a million new powerful moves and never be good enough," the man said bluntly. "Just go to your room, I have to think."

Vierra walked out of the living room disappointed. She sat on her bed looking at the walls, the cracked walls the rather empty room only filled with her bed, some clothes, and a dresser. She never had much, yet she chose to borrow money and take a gamble that put her family in even more debt, more debt to Black City men at that. On top of that her father had told her the truth, her Fire-type Pokemon just don't have the potential to become as strong as she hoped.

"Am I really a bad trainer with weak Pokemon?"

"Heatmoor."

"Darumaaa," the two Pokemon comforted the sad crying girl as tears streamed down her feminine face. Heatmor in particular looked very torn up at its crying trainer. Vierra had finally accepted she was truly a failure. Humbling and harsh words were the only way to get it into her.


***********************

Present Day Opelucid

"Axewwww," the small Dragon jumped for Iris's attention as she picked him up, embracing him. Her eyes widened and her body began to shutter as she listened to Axew's heart. She began to speed off to the picnic site with Axew along with her. All she knew, from listening to Axew's heart, is something had or was going to happen to Drayden.

"Drayden! Vierra!" Iris ran up to the picnic area nearly out of breath. "Draaaydeeen!" Iris huffed in between each syllable. She was in complete astonishment as she looked at the unconscious mayor, lying there. She bent over, noticing the dropped lemonade as well as a missing Vierra. "Drayden," Iris once again repeated herself in hopes she would get a response, she got closer. "Please wake up!" she worried. While in close proximity of Drayden's face, she smelled the scent of something very puzzling, very tangy yet cringe worthy in Drayden's breath.

"Stun-Powder?" Iris said to Axew in a bewildered way. Stun Powder was an extremely saturated mixture of Stun Spore and Sleep Powder, this combination is commonly used to sedate people and Pokemon, usually in times of danger, or being used as a medicine to calm the nerves of anxious Pokemon or people. However taking this mixture in high amounts could be dangerous to one's system, it also could really throw someone in a bit of a deep unconsciousness. Iris wondered and wandered aimlessly, she then put two and two together and figured the latter happened.

"Axew..." the Pokemon said concerned quietly.

"Axew! Go to the forest and pick some Chesto and Cheri berries," Iris yelled. Axew simply looked on, unknowingly. "Berries that are colored red with greenish roots coming from them and another one that is blue and brown," Iris figured the description of the berries wouldn't be too hard to match, both were very common fruit among the forest, Axew darted off. Iris listened and looked, waiting over Drayden until Axew returned. She heard a stomping as she sat next to the knocked out Gym Leader, almost like a parade.


--------------------

Opelucid Hotel & Inn

"What in," Clay grunted as he looked out the window at the streets. Many many people dressed in white-bluish uniforms that made them take on the appearance of knights stomped down the street. Civilians, the ones out at night, all looked on, some in fear, others not caring, some concerned, and many wondering.

"The hell?" Clay said shaking his head in annoyance, anger, and disappointment at the sight. "Either way I'm obligated to do somethin' 'bout this," he stared at the Poke Balls sitting next to his hat on the table.


---------------------

Vierra waited in anticipation as a group of the same knight looking people walked toward her, she stood still on the street. Her eyes focused on the group of mysterious invaders who she only knew as, Team Plasma. A single man stood behind them, his clothes looked much different. He sported a robe and hat, the robe had the same marking as the knight looking members' uniforms.

"When will I get what I want?" Vierra asked coldly.

"Not right now," the man answered back equally as cold.

"I took care of the Spartan Mayor! What more do you want?"

"And you've done well. Just one more task and you'll get what you desire. Trust me."

"What is this?! I'm not your damn slave!"

"Now, now there," one grunt spoke up against the yelling girl, getting cautious.

"Maybe it would be better if you knew exactly who I am," the man said, trying to calm down Vierra. "I am Ryoku of the Seven Sages, some of Team Plasma's higher ranked members. I am assisted by powerful Fire-type Pokemon in Team Plasma's pursuit of a new world, a world of liberation, a world of freedom, a world where Pokemon are free from the hands of selfish human beings like, Drayden. Since I am assisted by these Pokemon and you desire strength and power from them, doesn't that make us similar in a way? Help burn Opelucid City, the city of distrust and disgust, to the ground and I'll reward you with a powerful rare Fire-type Pokemon with quite a lot of potential," the sage offered.

"First off, I don't give two shits about your 'Pokemon Liberation' or whatever but, that offer of a powerful Fire-type was promised to me before by you, don't give me any more task after this one is done," Vierra said as she walked away. Ryoku grinned under his thick facial hair.


----------------------

A woman wailed as she paced down the street.

"Move faster," a teenage boy behind her said with much hurry.

"Everyon' this way now now! Quit the panickin' and git," Clay said as he evacuated the area to the best of his ability.

"You would think the supposed Gym Leader of Driftveil City would care about Pokemon," a Plasma grunt said from a distance. "I'll make you and those people release their Pokemon," he said as he tossed a Poke Ball toward the country businessman as a Patrat came out.

"Really? Is that all ya' got?" Clay said mocking the grunt. "Lenora has one of those, yours on the other hand is lookin' mighty sorry," Clay said as he threw a Poke Ball at the ground, a rather strong looking crocodile like Pokemon appeared looking very vicious.

"Bite," the Patrat jumped toward Clay's Krokorok ready to crunch down on the Pokemon's rough body, and so it did. Krokorok seemed hardly bothered though as Patrat bit down on its rough sandy reptilian flesh with its minuscule teeth.

"Humph, sad sorry bunch you are. Show that there Patrat what a real bite is, Crunch!" the Krokork's teeth were embraced by a white shine as they smashed into Patrat's flesh knocking it out in one hit. "I was expectin' somethin' more, at least, now git outta this city!" he said as the grunt scrambled away from the scene, Clay couldn't help but grin confidently.


--------------------------

"Axew," the Pokemon ran back to the unconscious man and young girl, Cheri and Chesto Berries in arms.

"Great," Iris said as she accepted the fruit. "Axew, please mash this up with your claws," Iris said handing the Pokemon a Chesto Berry, grabbing a empty bowl from Vierra's picnic basket as she got another bowl for her own Cheri and a fork and knife to peel and crush the berry. She did the task with the best of speed she could muster at the moment.

"Axe," the Pokemon worked.



"Either way, Drayden's going to take a while to regain consciousness after eating this," Iris thought. Her nose huffed, she smelled the distinct scent of something burning, char, something scorching. She looked up and saw smoke coming from the main area of the city.

"Fire?" Iris said in surprise. "Axew! The mash up," the Dragon-type got up strutting over to Iris, handing her the bowl. Iris began to pour the Cheri mash into the Chesto mash, she walked over to Drayden silently, her nose still whiffing the scent of smoke and char, and spoon feed a small bit of the mush to the unconscious Dragon specialist. Vierra, fire, and an unconscious Drayden, Iris didn't know what to think.

"It's no substitute for actual medicine, but Berries can do a lot," she said getting more comfy.

"I'm gonna go check that out in the meanwhile," Iris said as she jolted off toward fire. "Stay here with Drayden."


----------------------

"More fire Heatmor, Darumaka," Vierra said sternly. She watched as her Heatmor and Darumaka spat fire at the area around them, joined by other Pokemon whom were all marked by cold and bitter eyes.

"Excellent, excellent. The Team Plasma official fire squad is doing quite a nice job," one of the grunts said with slime in his voice as he snickered at the sight of the burning city.

"What do you expect? Fire is a natural way of cleansing the world of its impurities, especially this disgusting city with people who don't liberate their Pokemon, vile human beings not deserving of life itself."

Vierra simply continued to look on in silence, feeling slightly bad about her contribution to things, she was no murder, no pyromaniac, no killer. "I just want my payoff in the end, I don't associate myself with criminals like you."

"In due time you will, and we are not criminals. We're heroes, there is a difference," the grunt explained. "Our future is supported by a man who truly wants the best for the world, if people are too blind to realize this, we're going force them to face the truth and open their eyes."

"Yeah, yeah whatever," Vierra said uncaring.

"We're almost done anyway," the grunt remarked. "We just need to head to the next area, it only requires one fire."

"Whatever, let's go. Darumaka take care of it when we get there," she ordered to the small circular-bodied Pokemon.

"Daru~"


---------------------

"Err," Clay said annoyed. "Fire and Team Plasma, dealin' with both. Where in tar nation is Drayden?" he wondered. "Hydro Pump, Sandstorm," he ordered as his Krokorok sent a funnel of dust and dirt toward a fire that was running near a house and his Palpitoad finished ridding Opelucid of one less fire embraced building.

"Flamethrower, again! Reignite it," the grunt yelled to his Watchog as it launched another flame.

"Hydro Pump," Clay's Palpitoad's jet of water intercepted the fire. "Bulldoze, Krokorok," the Pokemon began to violently stomp its foot into the ground and rushed toward the Watchog impacting it.

"Super Fang!" the Watchog bounded toward Watchog with its strong teeth growing by twelve inches.

"Again with puny lil' attacks like that. Punish it with Hydro Pump!" the toad aimed its blast of water at the Watchog, sending it careering into the grunt, who fell from the impact. "I guess the ol' savin' grace about you Plasma wranglers is you're pretty weak."

CITIZENS OF OPELUCID IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. STAY CALM. A STATE OF EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED! FIREFIGHTERS FROM NEARBY ICCIRUS AND UNDELLA BAY HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED IN AN EFFORT TO HELP CONTAIN THE BLAZES! OUR OWN OPELUCID FIRESTATION IS DOING IT'S BEST!

"Errrh," Clay grunted once more as he heard the P.A. system announcement.


---------------------

Iris ran down the streets wildly, doing her best to get a grip on the situation. "Vierra! Vierra," Iris yelled loudly as she ran by a group of Plasma members.

"Hold on little girl," one of them stopped her. "Where are you headed?" the grunt said eying the Poke Ball that peaked slightly out of Iris's pocket. Iris didn't respond. "All Pokemon will be liberated," he said as he released a Watchog. "Don't be difficult, and you can save us both a lot of grief," Iris looked at the situation feeling very nervous, she grabbed toward the Pokeball in her pocket and reluctantly looked at it and was about to toss it. She however made a wild dash around the grunt in an attempt to get away, she had succeeded and gotten past him, so she thought.

"Flamethrower," the grunt said calmly, continuing to stand in place as his Watchog sent a flame spiraling toward Iris's path, effectively stopping her with a wall of fire.

"Now, give me that Poke Ball," the man and his Pokemon approached her holding out one hand. Soon a jet of water assaulted the grunt and his Pokemon drenching them and pushing them back into a street pole. Iris looked over seeing Clay, the man she didn't really have a fond first interaction with, and his Palpitoad being her salvation.

"Mud Shot! Sandstorm," the two Ground-type Pokemon sent a mixture of dirt, dust, and mud flinging toward the fire wall in front of Iris, expelling it.

"Thank you," Iris said graciously.

"Well I don't know why yer in a hurry, but it mus' be for a good reason. Ya looked lik' ya needed a hand. Speakin' of which where are ya headed?"

"My friend! She's somewhere and I have to find her and make sure she's okay. I can't just leave her here," Iris said concerned. "I just helped fix up Drayden cause he was knocked out," Clay looked on grinning in surprise.

"So yer the new firecracker Drayden's taken a shine to? In that case keep going, name's Clay by the way," Clay said approving. He didn't even want to know why Drayden was knocked out, Clay wasn't in the mood for a surely lengthy excuse.

"Thanks," Iris said as she darted past Clay with a strong pace. Iris kept running getting to the far end of the city in around forty or so minutes, that part of the city wasn't really much ablaze barely at all and much more evacuated than the other parts. Iris soon made out a figure walking with one other Pokemon. She recognized the feminine shape of the body and height as her friend.

"Vierra! I'm so glad you're safe, I was really concerned," Iris said sincerely.

"Humph," Vierra said as her Darumaka somersaulted off a nearby building that burned heavily with fresh small flames. Iris soon put two and two together.

"Vierra, please don't tell me."

"It's exactly what it looks like Iris," she said slyly. Iris quickly back flipped back and grabbed at her pocket pulling out a Poke Ball.

"Vierra! You're working with Team Plasma," Iris yelled at the top of her lungs.

"But, of course. Team Plasma made me a nice offer I couldn't refuse," Vierra said jokingly.

"Vierra! Stop this now and turn yourself in," Iris protested, not in the mood for any playful behavior.

"I'm not doing that," she responded coldly.

"Vierra! Do what I say or I'll be forced to take you on! Drayden loves this city, it's his home, how dare yo?!," she said with a strain in her voice pointing a Poke Ball toward Vierra. "I knew you were too nice for someone I just met!"

"So I'm the bad guy, is that right?"

"Do what I say, or else I'll take you in myself..." Iris threatened knowing very well it would be risky with Druddigon's current situation going on.

"Go ahead," Vierra called her bluff as she lazily grabbed Heatmor's Poke Ball and simply enlarged and dropped it on the ground. The Anteater Pokemon materialized in front of Iris, staring her down with those predator eyes.

"Druddigon," Iris reluctantly sent the Poke Ball sailing toward the skies. Druddigon came out looking at the current situation and its opponent. "Druddigon, you have to beat that Heatmor! It's very very important, trust me!" Iris said in support. The Cave Pokemon couldn't help but be intimidated by the Fire-type's malicious appearance. "Dragon Claw!" the Pokemon's claws glowed a slight bluish-white color as he reluctantly walked over, nervous.

"Ha! Sucker Punch!" the Heatmor quickly sent a series of jabs toward the nervous Druddigon causing the Cave Pokemon's face to hit the dirt. "Pathetic Iris! That Druddigon's a coward, I already know, remember?" Iris began to sweat bullets.

"Come on Druddigon, I know you're scared. But please stay strong!" Iris said in her head.

"Dragon Cla-!"

"Sucker Punch, more," Heatmor began to punch Druddigon's face a multitude of times. "This isn't even worth it anymore, I'm getting tired," Vierra said sadisticly. "Darumaka," the fire ape leaped in next to Heatmor.

"It's all over," Iris thought in despair.

"Heatwave and Overheat," Heatmor launched a large burning hot blaze of fiery oxygen, while Darumaka jetted a large blast of orange and yellow fire, both moves struck Druddigon enveloping him in complete heat. The Druddigon fell down to the ground, cooked from the intense Fire-types' double assault, Iris quickly returned the Cave Pokemon to its Poke Ball.

"So, that's that I guess," Vierra said as she began to walk away from the scene.

"Wait! Vierra! I'm not done with you yet!"

"Oh, really," Vierra said as her Darumaka and Heatmor confidently stood behind her. The situation was looking very hopeless for a Pokemon-less Iris. She looked up at the other girl with a face full of struggle. "Your Druddigon was weak anyway, nothing but a potiental-less lameass."

"Axew," the small Dragon showed up, running from a distance toward Iris. "Axew, Axew," the Pokemon continuously shouted and pointed at Vierra, giving her a sharp look as did Iris. Iris quickly grabbed and embraced the Dragon, closing her eyes and focusing on him.


***************

Flashback

Axew starred from a distance on a tree nearby. "Just leave the Spartan Mayor to me. I'll take care of him, his little protegè shouldn't be much of a problem either. Some big haired girl with a fondness for Dragons."

"Axxxxx," the Pokemon yelled but quickly contained its voice by putting both hands on its mouth, causing Vierra to look up at the tree alongside her Heatmor.

"Well, have the Spartan Mayor either knocked out or dead before we start to invade."

"That won't be a problem, I can at least use that girl to get close to him."

"Axxxeee," the Pokemon gasped again and covered its mouth. Vierra looked up clearly agitated.

"Heatwave!" Heatmor shot a blast of fire mixed air at the tree that was the source of the sound, Axew quickly had a reflex and evaded the fire by jumping to another branch, however a flock of Pidove scattered from under the tree, fleeing into the skies. "Annoying pest..." she screamed angrily. "In any case, the job will be done. Just make sure I get what I want."

"You will in due time," the grunt said as he and another walked off. Axew quickly climbed down the tree and bolted toward the city.


***************

"So. Vierra you had this planned out from the start," Iris said getting angry.

"But of course," Vierra taunted.

"All the more reason for me to bring you down myself!"

"With what? You have no Pokemon," Vierra said snobbishly. Iris had forgotten she had no Pokemon to use, thus couldn't battle back. Axew quickly broke into the scene.

"Axew!" the Pokemon began to scream once again. Iris picked him up and felt his heart beat. "I...want...to..help...you...because..you..helped.. .me," the Axew's heart said loudly. Iris couldn't help but smile at the bravery of the Pokemon.

"Okay! Axew, if your heart says so," the Axew smiled as he jumped out in front of the dual Fire-types, more then ready to battle.

"You're gonna battle me with that? Really?" Vierra said. "I'm just gonna be fair since you're battling me with a pipsqueak with no potential," she continued to taunt as her Darumaka was sucked back inside its Poke Ball.

"Dragon Rage!" the pint-sized Dragon's stomach glowed a translucent bluish aura as he shot a blast of anger charged energy at Heatmor.

"Heatwave!" the two moves collided, Heatwave however quickly began to overtake Dragon Rage. "Just like I thought," the trail of fire began to close in on Axew, pushing back the Dragon-type's move as if it was simple child's play.

"Forget it," Iris yelled as Axew quickly gave up the strength game and jumped out of the way, the fire slightly caught the evading Pokemon.

"I told you that Axew has no potential, none of your Pokemon do! Put it out of its misery with Heatwave!"

"Let's try Scratch," Iris ordered ignoring Vierra's taunting as Axew ran toward Heatmor, the Pokemon stood tall spitting fire in the Axew's direction. "Axew's got nice bounce," the Pokemon jumped out of the way and evaded the fire and jumped in range of Heatmor's face and raked the Anteater Pokemon's face viciously. "Nice Axew! You've got a lot of potential!" Vierra looked at Iris, looking vile.

"Oh shut up!" Vierra yelled. "What do you know about potential anyway!?" Vierra snapped at Iris.

"Vierra just stop! It isn't worth it," Iris yelled back.

"Iris, shut up!"

"Axew does have a lot of potential," Iris yelled once more in spite.

"That's a laugh! Coming from someone like you! Drayden saw your potential! He's giving you a chance and trying to make you successful! You have someone helping you become a success! You could never recognize the true potential within someone when you've never gone it alone you pathetic joke!" Vierra boomed. Iris couldn't help but think a bit of her words, and simply sigh, part of her anger turning into sympathy.

"Vierra..." Iris looked at the girl, "Is it possible underneath it all, you're just a sad person," Iris looked at the girl sympathetically.

"I said shut it! Team Plasma, however, will make me successful by giving me a powerful rare Fire-type and I'll become the Fire star I was destined to be!"

"So you are being used."

"Shut up!" Vierra said as Heatmor spat a blaze at Axew once again, this time it hit Axew dead-on causing the Pokemon to fall to one knee in fatigue. Vierra sadistically took in the sight of a concerned Iris running up to Axew to tend to him, tears welled down Iris's face. Vierra was actually getting a bit of a joy out of it, until she was interrupted. Two Plasma grunts and Ryoku walked toward Vierra's direction as they appeared from down the dark light of the street.

"Humph, I was wondering when you would show up," Vierra attempted to compose herself for her meeting. Iris looked on, the situation was even more hopeless for her, especially with four possible opponents to contend with.

"So, did you accomplish your job?" Ryoku asked.

"I did," Vierra said anxiously. "So where's my payoff?" this caused the Team Plasma members to look at her very hard, truly wondering what was going through her head.

"You actually thought you were gonna get what you wanted?" a grunt said.

"Haha," the second grunt laughed.

"You dirty conniving double crossers! You owe me!" Vierra yelled.

"Why would we even give you such a rare Fire-type?" Ryoku asked. "Selfish child, you pursue strength for your own selfish benefit. It's because of trainers like you that Pokemon are forced to fight these battles daily, trainers like you who want Pokemon for money or glory. Simply despicable."

"Heatmor! Forget her for now," the Heatmor turned its attention to the grunts and Ryoku. "Darumaka," Vierra let the Pokemon out of its Poke Ball. "I'll take all three of you out then!"

"What a sore loser," one grunt said as he and the other silently released two Pokemon from their Poke Balls. A rather unattractive Pokemon, its body and hands seemed to be the shape of mushrooms appeared. A rather small Pokemon that looked as if it was cocooned inside a small green leaf suit stood in front of Vierra's dual Fire-types as well.

"Really? You're going to take on my Fire-types with those? You dug your own grave using Pokemon weak to both of mine!"

"We have no time to deal with you. We'll leave it to your Pokemon," Ryoku said slickly. "Rage Powder!" the Amoonguss quickly shook its arms as a thick red hot dust appeared from its body and slowly moved toward Darumaka and Heatmor, embracing both Pokemon's body's heavily.

"That didn't hurt them at all," Vierra said feeling invincible.

"That wasn't the idea," the grunt said. Iris wondered what the effects of the powder were.

"Return," the grunt said as Amoonguss was sucked back inside its metallic home. Heatmor and Darumaka quickly looked at each other looking angry and violent, sharp imposing predator eyes leered each other down. It was as if the Pokemon had a feud that had been going on for years, the knife staring game continued. Each got more and more uncontrollably temperamental with each second.

"The heck?" Vierra wondered what was wrong with her Pokemon as they continued eying down each other angrily. "Crap!" Vierra said as she pulled out two Poke Balls. "Return Darumaka!" the fire monkey returned to its Poke ball. "Retur-" before Vierra could finish her word a small sticky thread snatched her empty Poke Ball and reeled it in.

"And so you can't smooth return your way out of this situation," the grunt said as he detached the Poke Ball from the thread and threw it on the ground. Ryoku quickly lifted his foot and stomped it down on the Poke Ball with the best of his force multiple times until it was effectively crushed, a million shiny particles were scattered on the ground.

"Liberation of a Pokemon from disgusting human beings like you is key for the future of Unova and Team Plasma, consider whatever you get from this point to be rightful punishment for your actions of your selfish behavior for your Pokemon. Your Pokemon have potential, you on the other hand don't," Ryoku said coldly.

"Good night, Princess," the grunts and Ryoku walked away silently. Heatmor turned its attention to Vierra looking very angry. "Everyone may retreat, we have what we want," Ryoku talked into a small device on the collar of his robe, as he walked away with the grunts.

"Heatmor, don't you remember the times we had together?" the Heatmor simply walked toward Vierra looking even more mad as time went on. "Remember how we caught Darumaka?" Vierra tried to appeal to the memories in her Pokemon futiley. "Heatmor?" the Pokemon took a quick swipe at Vierra, ripping her shirt slightly and sending her flying. Tears spilled out of her eyes.

"Heatmor," Vierra hit the ground rather harshly, she laid there a broken sobbing mess. Her friend and fire Pokemon, had just hurt her. Iris watched in shock at all that had just transpired. Vierra continued to lay there, she looked out the corner of her eye noticing a purple worn out boot approaching her.

"Well, I can't say I'm not embarrassed for falling for your rouse," Drayden bent down to Vierra lying on the ground picking her up slightly so she can at least see what was going on and sitting her near a building out of the way. "But, I do admit you did pull that one rather slyly," he said as he looked into Vierra's eyes. A large hopeful smile ran across Iris's face. A sense of bliss and okay behavior encircled her mind.

"Drayden," Iris looked happily. "That berry mix mush did the trick!"

"That it did, that it did." the Spartan Mayor smiled roughly.

"Don't you dare hurt him..." Vierra muttered.

"Iris has no ill intentions in regard to your Pokemon, that's obvious. I'm letting her mainly handle it, I personally would rather subdue that Pokemon before anyone got seriously hurt," Drayden said annoyed as he headed toward Iris.

"Drayden! Drayden! Heatmor's being effected by some type of red powder, one of the Team Plasma guy's Pokemon used it."

"Sounds like a douse of Rage Powder," Drayden speculated. "In any case," Drayden said as he held out a Poke Ball.


--------------------

"Sandstorm and Hydro Pump, again!" Clay ordered another round of fire killing attacks as they quickly doused another blaze. His Pokemon appearing very fatigued, being worked into the beginning late hours of the night didn't help, putting out fires especially. "Continu' the work," Clay encouraged his Pokemon. A Team Plasma aligned Venipede quickly jerked in Clay's Krokorok's direction. However a small jet of water knocked the Pokemon out with ease. Clay peered behind him.

"You looked like you needed some help," a rather masculine man stood, brown hair and dark eyes with a long jacket on. He was joined by a group of Pokemon and firefighters, specifically a Blastoise, Swanna, Jellicent, Sandile, Samurott, and Drilbur. "Agent Looker, of the International Police," he held out his hand to Clay.

"International Police Agent, eh? Tad late ain't ya?" Clay said from tired annoyance. One firefighter took the lead.

"Everyone, converge on all fires within the city! Ground and Water formation," the firefighter boomed as all the Pokemon followed his word and quickly sprung into action. The Ground-types whipping up large amounts of dirt and earth to do away with the blaze and Water-types putting out the fires with ease, alongside Clay's Krokorok and Palpitoad.

"The Team Plasma grunts as well," Looker ordered as some of the firefighters let out their non-firefighting Pokemon in an effort to rid the city of the remaining Plasma members. Clay simply looked at Looker and the amount of control he had, how quickly things were being handled. "I'll do my part as well," Looker said as he released a Croagunk from its Poke Ball. The poisonous frog's cheeks croaked causing them to inflate every few seconds, the Croagunk sported an International Police hat. Clay breathed a slight sigh of relief.


****************

Fraxure looked on, very enervated from all the punishment he had taken. Axew sat back near Iris, who still was feeling the effects of the dead-on Heatwave from before. Vierra just sat back, sleeping against a building stressed out, worn out, and wrung out.

"Dragon Claw!" the Fraxure attempted to land another hit on Heatmor, but a slick jab was sent his way. The onslaught of Fire moves didn't help matters either, Heatmor indeed was putting all his anger and hate into his attacks.

"What are we gonna do?" Iris wondered. "At least it's just Heatmor and not Darumaka too."

"Vierra's Darumaka was hit by the Rage Powder too?"

"Yep, but Vierra returned her to her Poke Ball before she could do any serious damage. Reminds me of what Clay said."

"Well, little girl, ya might think ya know yer Pokemon. But things happen, out of yer control," Iris thought.

"Not like we can do it now, Heatmor has no Poke Ball anymore. The Plasma guy smashed it," Iris said. An idea popped in her head however, causing her eyes to light up. "Maybe we could catch him?!"

"Hm...it's possible. It technically is wild now," Drayden agreed with the idea. "Many Pokemon have been known to calm down and become less angry or agitated after being contained in a Poke Ball." Drayden dug in his pocket for one giving it to Iris, "You catch it at the right time," Heatmor came in for another Sucker Punch that darted the Axe Jaw Pokemon in the face, he resiliently got up however. "It just needs to be weakened," Drayden said. "Dragon Claw!" the Pokemon raked viciously at Heatmor.

"Dragon Rage!" Axew spat another burst of raged Dragon energy at the enraged Heatmor as he hardly took too much damage but fell back slightly.

"Scratch!"

"Dragon Claw again," the Pokemon both began to claw at the Anteater in unison, teaming up with one another was clearly too much for the Heatmor to take, especially with his slower speed.

"Okay! Poke Ball, go!" Iris tossed the sphere at the Heatmor as he was sucked inside. Drayden, Iris, Fraxure, and Axew looked on at the Poke Ball. The lone Poke Ball on the ground. It began to sway back and forth, anticipation fell on everybody around it. The Poke Ball broke open and the Heatmor appeared once more, even more angry as he kicked the Poke Ball in Iris's direction, it missed and she proceeded to grab it.

"Still needs more weakening," Drayden muttered. "Dig!" Fraxure shoveled away at the earth underneath himself and dug toward Heatmor. Heatmor glared at his opponent, and was smart enough to get away in time as Fraxure attempted to unearth himself and uppercut the Anteater Pokemon. Iris looked at the hole, causing her eyes to light up again. Drayden continued to do battle with the Heatmor as Iris whispered to Axew. The Tusk Pokemon silently sunk down into one of Fraxure's holes.

"Drayden..." Iris whispered, motioning to the hole. Drayden couldn't help but smile weakly at the cunning of Iris. "Dragon Claw!" Fraxure swiped at Heatmor, which caused him to back back a few steps to avoid the attack. This process was repeated for a while until Heatmor was nearly behind the hole.

"NOW! DRAGON RAGE!"

"DRAGON CLAW!" the two Dragon specialist had their Pokemon attack in unison. Axew jumped out of the hole and blasted Heatmor's backside, Fraxure slashed Heatmor's chest. The Anteater Pokemon had a grim look his face.

"Poke Ball!" Iris hurled the sphere at the Fire-type, who was trapped inside it. Everyone, once again, had their sight fixated on the lone Poke Ball. The ball struggled but ultimately gave up as small amounts of light bounced off of it. T

"Wooaah," Iris breathed a sigh of relief as Axew smiled at her, and went to talk to Fraxure happily. Fraxure gave Iris a high five and attempted once again with Drayden, but got no response as Drayden was uncaring. Iris joyfully hugged the Spartan Mayor.


-------------

"And git!" Clay yelled as his Excadrill used Metal Claw and Looker's Croagunk used Poison Jab on a pair of Watchog, driving out the final Team Plasma grunt. Clay grunted roughly. "Finally over," he said as Palpitoad's Hydro Pump put out the final flame that was a monstrous blaze. The firefighters and firefighter Pokemon all looked on gladly and relieved.

"So, how did this all happen?"

"Err..it's a long story," Clay said earnestly as the sun began to shine and come up, signaling the morning had finally come.


--------------------------

7AM

"Clayyyyy," Iris said relieved to find out the once mean man from before was alright.

"Iris, Drayden, this is Looker of the International Police," Clay introduced the man. Drayden carried on his back an extremely tired and still sleeping Vierra.

"So she's partly behind this, I'm assuming," Looker questioned them.

"You assume correct," Drayden answered.

"Listen! Vierra isn't that bad a person! She really was just being used the whole time."

"True, she seems to have been a pawn in all this atleast," Drayden agreed with Iris.

"We'll talk about it some more later, but if Drayden himself, the mayor of this city is vouching for her. Her case looks good. Right now, I suggest you take her to the nearby clinic, those wounds aren't too bad but she's extremely exhausted and might need care."

"Right," Iris agreed as she and Drayden walked away. Clay couldn't help but grimace.

Next Few Days

"Good morning, Iris," Drayden commented as Iris had just made it back from a good night's rest in Opelucid Forest, leaving Druddigon at the Pokemon Center for some care over the last few days. The two walked toward the city exit together.

"Morning," Iris said energetically.

"Axew," the Axew followed closely behind her.

"I hope you've enjoyed these two days of rest, because we're getting to training soon. Thankfully the city wasn't too damaged and is on the road to recovery."

"So, what's the news on Vierra? Is she gonna be okay?"

"She's going to be just fine. However her actions aren't going to be ignored, she will be punished to some extent. She's being forced to go back to her hometown and will be under strict watch. They even wanted to send her to prison, I however decided not to press charges. But, she will be punished more than this as well, it's not going to look too good when she's supposedly aligned herself with Team Plasma. She's on her way now, give this to her. Looker confiscated it," Drayden handed Iris Darumaka's Poke Ball.

"Oh, I see. Good I have something to say before she leaves," Iris and Drayden waited for Vierra to arrive until she finally did. Vierra stood there, silent watched by International Policeofficers, being considered a threat somewhat to the wellbeing of many. "I hope you do okay and get yourself together," Vierra remained silent and ashamed as the International Policeofficers eyeballed her hard.

"Well, I hope you don't forget these guys," Iris said holding out Heatmor's and Darumaka's Poke Balls. Vierra looked down at the Poke Balls, completely shocked and overjoyed as Iris handed them to her, especially at Heatmor's Poke Ball. Tears began to sprinkle down her face. "Luckily we managed to catch him."

"Thank...you...Iris," Vierra's watery eyes gazed into Iris's eyes, almost looking into her soul. Soon both Pokemon appeared from their Pokeballs on their own, causing the International Policeofficers to get a tad cautious. Heatmor smiled at Vierra. Vierra looked at Darumaka, noticing she was much bigger then before. Surely this wasn't the same Pokemon now was it?

"Hm, look at that, she evolved into a Darmanitan at some point," Drayden explained. Vierra was completely astounded.

"If your Pokemon have no potential, would Darumaka have evolved?" Iris said.

"Thank you..." Vierra started once again, feeling grateful to an extent.

"No problem."

"You..think..we..can..be..friends? In the future? Actual friends this time?"

"I don't see why not," Iris exclaimed happily. "Remember, you make your own potential, don't let anyone tell you you can never be good enough dreams are important," Iris watched as Vierra was soon escorted away by the International Policemen and bidded a silent farewell to Drayden. Iris sadly looked on as Vierra walked away.

"Now that that situation is out of the way, we can finally focus on the training. I bet you're getting hungry and are a still tired too?" Drayden said happily.

"Sure am," Iris agreed as she and Drayden began to walk away.

"Good, we'll head to my house for some food and rest," Drayden exclaimed which made Iris realize she had never visited Drayden's house, she had assumed his gym was his house. Either way she wondered what it would be like. Axew silently followed behind smiling.

"Can't wait," Iris said as she thought about Vierra over and over again, truly hoping she would learn from her actions.

"Well, I maybe the Spartan Mayor, but I need rest and food like you do," Drayden smiled under his thick mature beard. "In the meantime, we can talk about something important. Not to mention we have to get you ready for the meeting..."


-----------------

"Well, I certainly didn't count on Clay," Ryoku said earnestly. "We still obtained what we wanted though," he said holding out a rather old looking book. "While everyone was concerned with the outside, they completely neglected what might be going on in the inside of their precious city."

"Excellent, excellent," a man with rather long green hair and a rob congratulated Ryoku. "At the very least, we can finally get more information on what we need."

"Drayden's little apprentice however, she somehow revived him after he should have been unconscious for hours. One of my men reported that she stated those words as we walked away."

"She's no immediate concern anyway, simply an immature absent minded child."

"If she gets in my way again, I'll do away with her accordingly," Ryoku said coldly. "Or rather, I'll let one of the others handle it," he said as he looked on in the darkness of the castle. "Just like I would with any other foe of Team Plasma."

Sidewinder
22nd May 2012, 6:03 PM
"Rustle, rustle."

That read weird to me. Putting the " tag implies speech. It would be better if you put:

A rustle to her right quickly drew her attention


She ran over picking up the Pokeball smiling happily as she pointed the newly caught toward Heatmor. "Job well done."


Did you mean the newly caught Darumaka? I thought she already owned the Heatmor.


"You will in do time,"

due time


The on slot of Fire moves didn't help matters either, Heatmor indeed was putting all it's anger and hate into it's attacks.

Onslaught

There are alot of silly mistakes like that in this chapter. Proper spelling goes a long way in helping a reader feel more involved with a story, especially one with as many moving parts as this one. You're posting this story here because you want feedback on it, which is exactly why I post mine, however I also want to grow as a writer, mainly because I feel like I owe it to my characters. You have potential, and I know first hand that it's very easy to get caught up in a story and forget to proofread properly. All of these issues that are happening can be fized quite easily with a careful proofread.

Another portion that irked me was the constant POV switching. Vierra's backstory was nice, but I felt like it would have been better if you introduced it more gradually instead of just dumping the whole thing on us at once. The scenes were happening so fast that I found myself skimming a few times. I went back and carefully read each piece, but I still got somewhat lost in what I was reading because I felt like I couldn't keep up. Be careful when planning out a chapter this way, as it can lead to some slight confusion.

As the story goes, I think you've set up Iris and Drayden pretty well, and I like the unconventional relationship you've set up between her and the older man. They both bring different elements to the story in terms of his experience and her free-thinking. It's an interesting dynamic, one that can go badly if you're not careful. You definitely seem to know where you're heading with this so I'll shut-up, just be aware. Vierra is fun for me as well, as it's nice to see the departure from the usual 'even though I'm weak now, if I just try my best, I'll eventually get stronger'...Maybe she is just a horrible trainer, and the promise of a shortcut to a quick strength is too much for her to resist.

Doryuzu
22nd May 2012, 10:21 PM
A rustle to her right quickly drew her attentionSorry, about that. I italicized it and put tags because I thought it would imply sound, rather then someone actually talking.




Did you mean the newly caught Darumaka? I thought she already owned the Heatmor.


She ran over picking up the Pokeball smiling happily as she pointed the newly caught toward Heatmor.
"The newly caught" is Darumaka XD She walked over and got the Pokeball and pointed the Pokeball(newly caught Darumaka) toward her Heatmor. My bad, I should have probably made that much more clearer.


There are alot of silly mistakes like that in this chapter. Proper spelling goes a long way in helping a reader feel more involved with a story, especially one with as many moving parts as this one. You're posting this story here because you want feedback on it, which is exactly why I post mine, however I also want to grow as a writer, mainly because I feel like I owe it to my characters. You have potential, and I know first hand that it's very easy to get caught up in a story and forget to proofread properly. All of these issues that are happening can be fized quite easily with a careful proofread.
I was focused so much on atoning for my comma sins and spelling, while proofreading this chapter, I accidentally got a bit lazy with my word use :/ I'll try to devote for more time to proofreading. True, true. It was a bit too lazy on my part.


Another portion that irked me was the constant POV switching. Vierra's backstory was nice, but I felt like it would have been better if you introduced it more gradually instead of just dumping the whole thing on us at once. The scenes were happening so fast that I found myself skimming a few times. I went back and carefully read each piece, but I still got somewhat lost in what I was reading because I felt like I couldn't keep up. Be careful when planning out a chapter this way, as it can lead to some slight confusion.
Oh, yeah sorry about that. ^^;; I guess having three point of views and changing them around a bit,(Iris's, Clay's, Vierra's) can be quite irritating. In the future I will keep that in mind, I feel bad about that part. How so introduced more gradually? I guess the pacing was a tad too speedy, next chapter I'll defiantly be slowing down a bit.



As the story goes, I think you've set up Iris and Drayden pretty well, and I like the unconventional relationship you've set up between her and the older man. They both bring different elements to the story in terms of his experience and her free-thinking. It's an interesting dynamic, one that can go badly if you're not careful. You definitely seem to know where you're heading with this so I'll shut-up, just be aware. Vierra is fun for me as well, as it's nice to see the departure from the usual 'even though I'm weak now, if I just try my best, I'll eventually get stronger'...Maybe she is just a horrible trainer, and the promise of a shortcut to a quick strength is too much for her to resist.Thank you so much for this review, comments like this really do help me understand what specifically I can improve on and be aware of for the future. I'll go through and clean up the grammar a bit later.

diamondpearl876
23rd May 2012, 9:28 PM
"Shoot! Not again," she sighed. "Well, I didn't want that one badly anyway," she snarled looking at Heatmor slightly annoyed at the failed attempt at capture."We'll get one next time," the girl pointed the Pokeball at Heatmor ready to return it.

This was an issue in the first 3 chapters as well, but I thought fixing dialogue was more important at the time since it makes the fic look more appealing for newer readers. It looks like you've gotten a lot better at that, though there were still some mistakes. Anyway, another major issue I noticed was your lack of use of commas. Commas could make your writing a lot easier to read and it helps convey your ideas better. For example, this part should read like this:

...she snarled, looking at Heatmor, slightly annoyed at the failed attempt at capture.

It reads a lot better because, well, it's grammatically correct. The commas also force the reader to pause and think for a moment. They get to think about her snarling (which tells the reader she's angry), that she's looking at Heatmor (which tells the reader that she's snarling at Heatmor), and then goes on to tie all those actions up by saying that she's annoyed and why she's annoyed. I hope that makes sense. This is present throughout all of the chapters so far, but I only pointed out this part. I would look up the rules of commas and then try to find mistakes in past chapters, and/or try to work on it for future writing.

Another way to help this is by reading out loud. When you read out loud, you can see when you're speaking too much and when you need to add commas. You can also experiment with where commas should go this way. What sounds best? What sounds correct? It's something to work on.


Darumaka playfully looked at Heatmor, it's fist pumped with fire, as it jammed Heatmor square in the chest sending it flying nearly two yards backwards sliding against the ground.

"it's" should be "its" since "its" shows possession.


"Oh, I see. You do pack a punch, no pun intended, we'll play with you then! Incinerate, Heatmor," the same fire power as before was sent toward Darumaka, who stood it's ground, taking the fire move head-on and continuing to dance even after wards.

Should be "its" again. Also, for continuation of fixing dialogue, it should read like this:

"Incinerate, Heatmor." The same fire power as before was sent...

The comma and lack of capitalization following the dialogue is only used for speech tags like "he said" or "she snarled."

Anyway, I liked the battle to capture Darumaka. You did a good job of showing the Darumaka's personality through the type of attacks it used, which is great characterization. I'm hoping he'll be used in the future since you elaborated on his personality so early. We also got to see some of Vierra's mysterious self revealed, which was good.


"What you don't understand is those Fire-types can never become stronger then they already are! They just don't have the correct training and potential to, they could learn a million new powerful moves and never be good enough," the man said bluntly. "Just go to your room, I have to think."

He said it bluntly indeed. I like this piece of dialogue since its hows how... misguided her dad seems to be. Yes, of course her pokemon can get stronger--under the right circumstances. But he's not convinced.

I also like how you expand on the idea of trainer specializing in one type of pokemon, it's not something that I usually see. There are a lot of hardships that could come with specalizing, and you really show those hardships--and you even go beyond the usual expectations of these hardships but adding in the money issue. Nice touch.


Iris listened and looked, waiting over Drayden until Axew returned. She heard a stomping as she sat next to the knocked out Gym Leader, almost like a parade.

Like the last bit of imagery there. Very fitting and sad.


"When will I get what I want," Vierra asked coldly.

Would put a question mark instead of a comma. She is asking a question, after all. Sorry if that sounds dumb. I think you were trying to make it look like she was saying this matter-of-factly, almost demanding what she wants. Though I don't think she's really in a position to do that in front of a high-ranked Team Plasma member.

I'm also gonna stop here and say I like the constant switching of various scenes. I liked it because the scenes were short, suspenseful, and hectic, and the constant switching only adds to this fast pace you were trying to convey. By contrast, Iris's scenes with Drayden seem very slow moving... which shows how helpless her and Drayden seem to be during this hectic situation. I like it.


"Liberation of a Pokemon from disgusting human beings like you is key for the future of Unova and Team Plasma, consider whatever you get from this point to be rightful punishment for your actions of your selfish behavior for your Pokemon. Your Pokemon have potential, you on the other hand don't," Ryoku said coldly.

Situations like these make me think that Team Plasma was actually right in their thoughts. Not in their actions, but their ideas of what's right and what's wrong.


"Clayyyyy," Iris said relieved to find out the once mean before man was alright.

Would remove "before". Saying both "once" and "before" seems kind of redundant.

Overall, it was a chapter with a lot of action and a lot of character development for more than just 1 main character. I look forward to seeing what happens with Vierra and how Iris continues to grow from here. Keep it up!

Doryuzu
30th May 2012, 6:16 PM
This was an issue in the first 3 chapters as well, but I thought fixing dialogue was more important at the time since it makes the fic look more appealing for newer readers. It looks like you've gotten a lot better at that, though there were still some mistakes. Anyway, another major issue I noticed was your lack of use of commas. Commas could make your writing a lot easier to read and it helps convey your ideas better. For example, this part should read like this:

...she snarled, looking at Heatmor, slightly annoyed at the failed attempt at capture.

It reads a lot better because, well, it's grammatically correct. The commas also force the reader to pause and think for a moment. They get to think about her snarling (which tells the reader she's angry), that she's looking at Heatmor (which tells the reader that she's snarling at Heatmor), and then goes on to tie all those actions up by saying that she's annoyed and why she's annoyed. I hope that makes sense. This is present throughout all of the chapters so far, but I only pointed out this part. I would look up the rules of commas and then try to find mistakes in past chapters, and/or try to work on it for future writing.

Another way to help this is by reading out loud. When you read out loud, you can see when you're speaking too much and when you need to add commas. You can also experiment with where commas should go this way. What sounds best? What sounds correct? It's something to work on.Thank you for that in depth comma correcting, I appreciate that a lot. Commas probably are my weaker point in my writing, I'm working on it and have worked on it a lot in my latest chapter. Hopefully they aren't nearly as present in the new one. I'm planning to fix the grammatical errors present in 2-4 later on in the week.




"it's" should be "its" since "its" shows possession.

I've corrected myself on that mistake :) Thanks, I went through my latest chapter and found this mistake a lot and fixed it. I never knew.

Should be "its" again. Also, for continuation of fixing dialogue, it should read like this:

"Incinerate, Heatmor." The same fire power as before was sent...

The comma and lack of capitalization following the dialogue is only used for speech tags like "he said" or "she snarled."
I never knew that, I thought you always lower cased in that situation fixing this later and have corrected myself in the writing of my current chapter.




I'm also gonna stop here and say I like the constant switching of various scenes. I liked it because the scenes were short, suspenseful, and hectic, and the constant switching only adds to this fast pace you were trying to convey. By contrast, Iris's scenes with Drayden seem very slow moving... which shows how helpless her and Drayden seem to be during this hectic situation. I like it.
It seems the constant switching was half and half for a lot of people. Most seemed to dislike it though, I was trying give a sense of urgency, but that may have backfired to an extent.



Would remove "before". Saying both "once" and "before" seems kind of redundant.
Fixing, thanks for pointing it out.



Overall, it was a chapter with a lot of action and a lot of character development for more than just 1 main character. I look forward to seeing what happens with Vierra and how Iris continues to grow from here. Keep it up!Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. This defiantly ain't the last we've seen of Vierra.

A/N:This chapter right here, if it wasn't obvious from the title, is where Iris finally does some serious training with Drayden, also we see the guy's house for the first time, hopefully I did it justice. This chapter ain't nearly as long as the last chapter, just under/over 6000 words, didn't take nearly as long to get done as I thought, though that's probably because I'm on Summer Break. I've taken a lot of the criticism I've gotten from you guys and I've worked with it, especially the pacing, description, word variation, POV switching, and grammar and I appreciate that. Also, I went back and did a mass clean up of Chapter 1, I'll be doing the same for the rest of the chapters in due time, thank you for pointing out the grammatical errors. I hope you guys enjoy, as always any and all criticism, comments, reviews, and/or critique is appreciated.



Chapter 5 How to Train Your Dragon-type


Iris walked down the slightly burned street alongside the fatherly Drayden, after the incident that had taken place a few days ago they had both taken some time to relax. Clay had left Opelucid, finishing his business but would be back soon for the trial. Looker had left with Clay as well discussing important matters with the Ground-type specialist. Iris naturally left her Druddigon at the Pokemon Center for some much needed healing after suffering the full force of a combined Heatwave and Overheat from Vierra's Fire-type Pokemon, not to mention taking quite a bit of damage from various other assaults, but she was joined by another familiar young Dragon, an adoring Axew. Drayden took the time to help get the city back up to snuff after the minor fire damage that was dealt to it, not only that but also to train Iris and take more gym challenges, but right now he had other things to attend to.

"So what does your house look like?" Iris asked as it occurred to her she had never actually seen Drayden's home, always for some reason assuming the Opelucid Gym to be his shelter.

"Axew," the Pokemon added.

"Why don't you wait and see rather than ask?" Drayden said to the child, she didn't know what to expect. As a young girl who would often spend her nights sleeping in the wild alongside her Druddigon she wasn't exactly one to know the decor and style of homes enough to even guess what Drayden's taste would be. It might be hard for Iris to adjust if she would have to live in Drayden's residence but, she would try to not complain too much since the very same man had helped her numerous times out of the goodness of his own heart, not only that, he would help her become stronger and help her in her goal of becoming the aspiring co-Gym Leader of Opelucid alongside him. If there's one thing for sure she hypothesized, it was that his house wouldn't be anything too extravagant.

"When will we make it? How far is your house?" Iris complained slightly.

"It's a bit far away, just near the far end of the city."

Despite Iris's prediction about the home of Drayden not being too expensive, Iris was proven wrong when both of them came upon the rather nicely sized residence, the lawn looked to be freshly cut and healthy, giving off the aroma the young girl often only associated from an abundance of Grass-type Pokemon. Lite by the clear blue sky it was something elegant, sporting a clear stone path right to the doorstep.

"What a pretty yard," the girl took a whiff of the grass. "It smells and reminds me just like a lot of areas in the forest."

"Ax," the Axe Tusk Pokemon nodded in agreement. Drayden took a look at the lawn and looked at Iris and Axew.

"The Pokemon always did prefer the lawn's smell, not to mention many of the adults in my family liked seeing lawn grass cut freshly when I was a young boy, just the same as they liked seeing my siblings and I being well kept and neat, something I never really did too much of," The Spartan Mayor's words were truer then ever, he couldn't always be concerned with being tidy given how much physical labor he endured as a child.

Iris looked at the house itself, it pretty much confirmed her previous speculation about the Spartan Mayor not living in anything too extravagant or upper crust. She, Axew, and the man walked toward the home, Drayden took out his keys and proceeded to unlock the home as they all walked in, Iris's previous thoughts were however shattered. Iris peered into the serpent like hallway, the carpet simply looked soft and heavy duty, the walls were adorned by few things, including family photos from the past evenly spaced between. As Iris kept going down the hallway she passed several small side tables. As Drayden and Iris neared the end of the hallway they took to the right and entered the kitchen, the biggest thing that stood out to Iris immediately was the rather nicely sized crystalline chandelier that floated on top of Drayden's kitchen roof.

"Let's get something to eat," Drayden stated as he walked toward the kitchen. The flooring certainly didn't look cheap at all as it was simply clean, clear, and beautiful being made out of marble itself. The kitchen also had a clean air about it that felt welcoming even the dishes looked to be very expensive as a lot of them looked to be fine china. It almost seemed too extravagant for someone like Drayden. Iris and Axew fell silent as they just looked on, not responding to Drayden's previous statement. "Iris," he snapped her and Axew back into reality.

"Your house is so big and beautiful," Iris didn't hesitate to immediately show her amazement at the structure as Axew remained silent, "It didn't look that big when you first walk in."

"It really isn't anything special, simply something to live in," Drayden said plainly as he walked over to the large technological energy efficient refrigerator and took out a pack of sliced, what looked to be, turkey meat.

"I mean, I had no idea. I thought it wouldn't be this big and luxurious," The girl continued to marvel at the house.

"I personally didn't decorate or have much to do with this house myself, members of my family did the decorating and picking it out for me. I've never been one to care too much for looks or put too much attention to things in that regard," he said as he took out two medium sized plates and a stainless steel skillet. Drayden sat the meat on the well-fixed table that Iris had taken a seat at, after getting a few pieces out out of the pack, he walked over to the stove and turned it to medium as he let the skillet sit on the top of the warm stove with the pieces of meat on it slightly sizzling.


"So, do any of your family live here?" Iris changed up the conversation.

"Not here in Opelucid," Drayden explained as he flipped the sizzling meat.

"Cheeemun, interesting must get lonely," Iris said with her mouth full, causing Drayden to turn his head to find the precocious Dragon-type specialist with a piece of uncooked turkey meat in her hand, she had eaten away at the meat and popped the last piece in her mouth. Drayden was in a bit of an astonishment at her not having a problem eating raw meat.

"Guess that's to be expected from someone who was raised by Dragons," Drayden thought.

"What about you?" Drayden asked. "Being taken care of by Dragons and all."

"I don't know, I've never really felt too lonely because Dragons have always been my family," Iris explained. "I've never really had parents, at least I never knew them too well," Iris said looking confidently toward Drayden. "You're kinda like someone I would picture as being sort of like a father."

"Thank you, but I haven't any children," Drayden said as he looked at Iris while turning off the stove and placing the cooked turkey pieces on dual slices of bread on the plates, he then went and got two cups and proceeded to grab some Oran Juice from the fridge and fill the cups. He walked over and sat the plate and juice near Iris. He poured Axew a Pokemon bowl of pellet looking objects and some Oran Juice, sitting them down in front of the Dragon. Iris curiously looked at the cup of juice picking it up and taking a sip. Her eyes lite up.

"Wow this is good! It's like Oran Berries only liquid!" Iris said in happiness.

"Well, it's Oran Juice. It always was my brother's, Deed's, favorite type of juice as a child," Drayden said as he put on his best smile at the young girl's happiness over the simple liquid. He looked down at Axew sipping it also and saw the same results in the Dragon's eyes. Iris and Axew thunderously gobbled down the food that was once present in front of them. Drayden couldn't help be happy at both of their healthy appetites. "Still hungry?"

"Not much but a little bit," Iris said embarrassed as Axew followed her lead. Drayden went and got two cones from the cabinet and grabbed a pint of ice cream, filling both with a sizable amount of the frozen desert as he handed one to Iris and one to Axew.

"Casteliacones were another one of my siblings' favorites, of course these aren't the same but they're quite similar," Axew and Iris touched the desert with their tongues sheepishly and went mad, quickly licking away the ice cream in hyper speed, Axew even started eating the waffle cone, Iris saw this and copied the young Dragon and it ended with them both looking satisfied and full. "Now that that's out of the way, I have to talk to you about something important," the Spartan Mayor said taking on a serious tone.

"In about twelve or ten days there is going to be a meeting, a meeting of which some important figures will talk, it's about all the current matters going on in Unova. I'm going to take this time to talk about you and introduce you to some important people and discuss the idea of you officially becoming a gym leader," Drayden said.

"Aren't I already a gym leader though, sorta?" Iris asked ignorantly.

"I hope you weren't serious with that question," Drayden said roughly. "Not when you only have one Dragon-type Pokemon, one whom is afraid to battle larger opponents no less," Drayden said which elicited a small annoyance from the girl.

"It's not Druddigon's fault," Iris was quick to come to the Cave Pokemon's defense.

"I realize that, but I'm going to tell you now these people aren't going to be impressed with you with one Dragon-type Pokemon with decent strength and a bit of a handicap."

"Well, I just don't know...." Iris said quietly. "I don't know how to overcome something like this or help my Pokemon overcome it, I've just decided that maybe this is something Druddigon needs to work out himself."

"Druddigon is no longer your family," Drayden said in a voice many would associate with a respected father. "You're his trainer also Iris. It's completely irresponsible to expect a Pokemon to 'work it out himself', you take responsibility for you and your Pokemon's actions, that's an important rule as a gym leader. In the meantime I suggest you catch more Dragon-types," Drayden said as he gave a sharp look toward Axew, obviously he wasn't expecting the Pokemon to follow around Iris forever.

"Axew!" The Pokemon jumped up and down shaking his head in approval.

"Thank you so much Axew, we'll get stronger together," Iris reassured the Pokemon, Drayden handed Iris a Poke Ball as she pelted it toward Axew who was broken down to a red light and sapped inside, after a few wobbles the Poke Ball spat out a spring of light sparkles. Iris gingerly picked up the Poke Ball glad to have made the Axe Tusk Pokemon apart of her team.

"In the meantime I think some training could do you some good," Drayden said as he finished off the last of his turkey sandwich and Oran Juice. "Let's head to the gym, I also have a few challengers scheduled for today."



-----------------------------

On the way to the gym Iris couldn't help but think about the events of that night, Team Plasma, Vierra, Druddigon, she couldn't shake the feeling of mystery behind it all, especially Team Plasma. Remembering how she had connected to Axew's heart, and was able to see the young Dragon's memories. That's never happened before with any Dragon. Was it because of the circumstances? What exactly did Team Plasma mean by their words? She decided in the meanwhile to pick Druddigon up from the Pokemon Center while she and Drayden made their way to the gym, she diverged from Drayden and made a beeline for the Pokemon Center. Noticing the ground was slightly charred near the entrance, reminding her of Team Plasma's handiwork.

"Hello," She walked into the Pokemon made hospital nonchalantly.

"Oh, Iris. Your Druddigon is in excellent condition," The pink-haired elegant nurse walked out with a tray of Poke Balls, the tray labeled "D-types".

"I'm glad to know," Iris said as she was handed a Poke Ball. She gazed over toward the waiting area discovering a group of people with their eyes glued the TV screen. The sound was pumped up to a level that couldn't be ignored even by earplugs.

"Dragon Breath!" the young woman ordered vibrantly as a serpent looking creature sent a magnificent blast of green fire energy at a big jawed blue and red Water-type. The Pokemon was hit directly by the speedy attack, almost being knocked off the platform as a result.

"Into the water," Dragonair's long scaled body took into the large area of liquid.

"You too, and use Ice Fang when you find Dragonair," the young challenger ordered his Pokemon.

"Now that was just silly," Clair said. "Thunderbolt!" No one could see what was going on under water, but the water's surface coursed with electricity. Dragonair appeared at the surface of the water looking calm, elegant, and serene, the same could not be said for Croconaw as its electricity sizzling body floated to the top.

"Battle over, the winner is the gym leader from Johto, Clair," the man announced as the young trainer returned his Croconaw to its Poke Ball.

"Thank you, thank you," the woman thanked the many people who roared her name. Dragonair laced itself around the young woman happy about the win it earned.

"So, Clair are you thinking about staying here in Unova a bit longer?" an interviewer asked.

"I'm only here for business. These are just extra days."

"Many are happy to have such a big time Gym Leader from Johto here in Unova, you and your Dragonair do seem to have a deep bond," the interviewer noted.

"I've had this Dragonair for a long while, and if the Dragon's Den Challenge taught me anything, it's that the connection with my Dragon Pokemon is important and to never take them for granted and always understand them. It's one of the reasons that me and my Dragons are in sync so well, not only that but it did wonders for my training, strategies, and prowess as a Dragon specialist. A strong Dragon is nothing without a strong Dragon trainer beside them."

"How much longer are you going to be here in Undella Bay?"

"Undella Bay is beautiful and I wish I could stay longer, but I have to return to Johto in around a week or so. I really thank everyone who has been kind to me and my Pokemon during our stay, I'll be enjoying the last week here in a villa nearby,"

"Well, everyone that wraps up an interview and battling session with Blackthorn Gym Leader, Clair."

"How cool," Iris fawned over Clair. "Dragonair and Clair's bond is unmatched, not only that but she's so strong." Iris couldn't help to think back to Clair's words about being a strong trainer for your Dragon's sake and vice versa. Reminding her of Drayden's strong masculine figure and powerful persona. She took out Druddigon's Poke Ball and stared at it.

"I haven't been very strong for Druddigon's sake, but there's still a lot of time to make good on that," Her motivation felt reignited by Clair's words. She also took a look at Axew's Poke Ball, she had two Dragons she had to train them hard and make them into true formidable Pokemon. She was going to accomplish it, it was one of her goals. Her promise to Drayden. She strutted out of the Pokemon Center and headed toward the Opelucid Gym.


---------------------

The Opelucid Gym was always a home to powerful battles of Opelucid. Today was no different, with a challenger taking on Drayden. Drayden's Fraxure had substained quite a bit of damage already but so had the young challenger's Drilbur who only had a small advantage in speed. Many holes covered the battle field due to the constant digging by Fraxure and Drilbur.

"Let's try to get it with one high power Dig!" Drilbur began to pummel away at the ground like a drill itself charging toward Fraxure underground.

"Dragon Pulse," Drayden ordered as his Fraxure spat a blast of power and energy into one of the many holes which sent Drilbur flinging out of a nearby hole clearly unable to take more.

"Nice job, I know when I've lost," The young man returned the Pokemon to it's Poke Ball. Drayden heard the sound of the gym's front door opening and saw Iris had finally made her way back from the Pokemon Center.

"Iris, glad you could finally join us."

"Sorry, sorry, I was just at the Pokemon Center a little longer than I thought," she said as she held out Druddigon's Poke Ball. "I'm ready to train!"

"That's a good thing."

"Drayden I'm heading out, thanks for the match," the young man said as he began to walk out the gym. "Oh, wait. I was told to give you this, special delivery from Undella Bay, Nurse Joy told me to drop it off to you since I was heading your direction," the boy cut back to Drayden and handed him an envelope. Drayden stuffed the message in his pocket, ignoring it for now as he was focused on Iris's current training.

"Iris release your Axew," Drayden ordered. Iris tossed the sphere, Axew made an appearance, inspecting the new terrain and unfamiliar environment. "Now-" Drayden was cut off.

"Drayden before we begin, can you tell me, what's the Dragon's Den Challenge?" Drayden raised an eyebrow at the seemingly random question.

"The Dragon's Den Challenge, not sure why you would be interested in that but, it's a test administrated in the Johto Region for strong trainers. It can be mentally and physically draining but is something that is a right of passage for many young trainers, some trainers even earn the 'Rising Badge' for completing this challenge. The Dragon's Den is also home to many different species of Dragon-type Pokemon. It teaches many different things in-regard to Dragon-type Pokemon, understanding them, training them, and learning about them."

"So, it's that important and hard?"

"Yes, some have even died while trying to accomplish the Dragon's Den Challenge. It's nothing to joke around with. But, we should get started on some training," Drayden ended the conversation abruptly as he held out a frisbee. "Let's work on your aim, when I throw this give Axew the order to hit it at the right time with an attack."

"Okay, you hear Axew?"

"Ax," Drayden sent the disk sailing toward the roof of the large gym arena, Iris kept her eyes glued to the disk with Axew doing the same, watching it twirl and sore and just at a split second....

"Dragon Rage!" Iris boomed as Axew shot a blast of rage charged energy at the flying object, however it simply missed and the frisbee came careening toward Axew, impacting on the Pokemon, causing Axew to rub the spot on it's forehead in discomfort.

"See how important aim is? What if that had been an Aerial Ace?"

"Again," Iris said wanting to get it right. Drayden once again repeated the process which elicited the same results as before. They kept repeating this for about thirty or so minutes until finally.

"Dragon Rage, now!" Axew sent the temperamental blast upward as it crashed into the frisbee knocking it down to the earth.

"We finally got it!" Iris and Axew celebrated.

"Now work on doing that more consistently in the future, accuracy in battle can mean the difference between a win and a loss," The Spartan Mayor was happy to see that Axew was at least improving somewhat, it gave him something to look forward to in Iris's goal of becoming stronger. Now, he hoped he could do the same with Iris's other Pokemon. "Let out your Druddigon," Drayden demanded, Iris flung Druddigon's Poke Ball, clearly a bit more worried about the behemoth then Axew. The Pokemon entered the scene, his body looking to be in high spirits from the medical attention and healing he received from the Pokemon Center. Drayden wafted the frisbee once again.

"When it gets close, get it with Dragon Claw!"

"Druddi," the Pokemon replied as his claws took on a bluish-white glow. The frisbee came down toward Druddigon, who prematurely swiped, completely missing the disc. Iris shrugged and Druddigon sighed.

"Let's go again!" Drayden drove the frisbee in the air once again.

"Keep your eyes on it, try to sense where it's coming from," Iris coached the Cave Pokemon, the flying object danced in the sky, spinning and spinning gracefully and flying happily like an elegant Swanna.

"Now! Dragon Claw!" The Druddigon tried to swat and punch at the disc clearly getting agitated as it evaded it's grasp and hit the floor.

"More," Drayden told Iris.

"Druddigon really hone in on it and pay attention to it. When it gets close hit it," The disc once again danced in the air gracefully. It hurtled toward Druddigon, whom focused it's eyes completely on it. Druddigon immediately sent a bluish slash toward the frisbee, the identified flying object avoided the attack however. It was almost as if it the frisbee was causing its actions on purpose, meanwhile Drayden was getting a good understanding of both Pokemon's skills, in-regard to accuracy mostly. Druddigon never did hit the frisbee, much to Iris's disappointment. The two took a break, getting clearly to irritable.

"Don't get flustered, things like this take time," Drayden explained. "Let's give it one more go."

"Okay, Druddigon! All your frustration and anger! Focus on that frisbee!" Iris yelled energetically. Druddigon looked at the frisbee as it sharply curved toward the Cave Pokemon. Taunting him, laughing at him. He was intent on hitting that pest. His arms became enveloped in a dark aura, the disc got and range and Druddigon gave a sharp punch to the frisbee, it broke in two pieces and hit the earth. Drayden picked up the halved frisbee in slight surprise.

"Now, look at that. Sucker Punch," Drayden remarked.

"Druddigon can use Sucker Punch?!" Iris yelled in happiness as she ran over to embrace her Dragon. "Vierra's Heatmor eh? Weird, you never trained with that Pokemon."

"I take it as being more so that Druddigon learned Sucker Punch from being roughed up by Heatmor's own Sucker Punch, in a way Druddigon probably emulated that. Sucker Punch is quite useful for hitting an opponent before they hit you, works especially well for faster opponents. However it fails to work if your opponent doesn't attack at all, that's the downside to such a strong Dark-type move." Drayden explained. Iris continued to swoon over Druddigon as a door opening was heard.

"Hey, I've come for my gym battle," A young woman walked into the gym. Iris and Drayden were a bit surprised to see what looked like a rookie challenging Drayden, one of the appointments Drayden scheduled for the day.

"I take it this is your first gym?" Drayden asked.

"Yep, my first one ever. Battling has quickly become a hobby of mine and I thought I might try my luck at a gym and this one was closest, so do you accept?"

"You do know this gym is regarded as one of Unova's more challenging ones right?"

"Is it a yes or no?" The young woman ignored Drayden's warning.

"If you insist," Drayden began to grab a Poke Ball from his pocket, but paused and took a look at Iris. "Actually Iris, you should battle Ms...."

"Carol," the girl announced her name.

"Be sure to give her a challenging battle," Drayden thought it might as well be a chance for Iris to get to know what an actual gym battle is like hands on, so he simply put Iris up to challenging the obviously novice trainer, and it was a chance for some training for her Pokemon.

"Okay the battle will be two on two. It starts now," Iris took her place opposite the field as Carol.

"You're up, Cubchoo!" A small bear came forth out of Carol's Poke Ball, sitting on it's butt as it playfully looked at Iris with a rather large drop of mucus sticking out of it's nose. Despite it's cold look, it gave off a warm personality and demeanor.

"Dragon-types are weak to Ice-types, be expected to face challengers with Pokemon strong to yours, it doesn't happen often due to there not being many Ice-types to be caught here in Unova, but either way expect it," Drayden lectured.

"But, none of my Pokemon know any move that are any good against Ice-types," Iris said worried.

"No matter, you'll simply have to do without."

"Okay Druddigon," Iris looked toward the bulky Dragon as she wanted it to step up and battle, the Pokemon nervously stepped up to the plate. "It's much smaller, you can take it," Iris encouraged the Pokemon.

"Let's try an Icy Wind!" Cubchoo puckered it's lips and blew a stream of steady cold wind toward the Cave Pokemon. Druddigon was struck by the stream of cold air, crossing his arms to fend of the attack to an extent.

"Dragon Claw!" Druddigon easily ripped out of the way of the cold stream and made his way toward the infant ice bear, he brought his arm down in an attempt to swat the Cubchoo who at a split second evaded it, causing Druddigon to send his claw into the ground.

"Icy Wind at close range!" The booger bear blew the same ice cold wind toward Druddigon's face, which caused him to take a few steps back in pain.

"Ice Punch!" The Cubchoo's fist became surrounded by ice energy as it made a beeline for Druddigon.

"Sucker Punch!" Druddigon's fist became enveloped in a black light as he raced toward Cubchoo and gave one powerful punch to the Cubchoo's chest, before the Ice Punch could hit its mark. The Pokemon obviously couldn't take much punishment since the one hit seemed to put it in a sense of fatigue. Meanwhile Druddigon was celebrating to an extent, still nervous but feeling confident in fighting such a smaller opponent, despite the disadvantage. Not to mention learning Sucker Punch prior.

"Ice Punch, again!"

"Sucker Punch!" Druddigon gave another unique beating to the Cubchoo as it hit the gym floor hard. Iris couldn't help but wonder why Carol would try such a thing twice when Druddigon easily came through the first time. Carol looked on clearly getting worried as a grin crossed her face, she wanted Iris to get comfy.

"Get close and use Sucker Punch and wrap it up!"

"Encore," The young woman's Cubchoo began to clap its hands happily as both of Cubchoo's white arms were surrounded by an orange like color, even whistling which slightly caused it's snot bubble to fly. Iris couldn't help but find Cubchoo to be cute as it cheered on her Druddigon in battle like that, she thought nothing of the attack much to Drayden's annoyance. Sucker Punch began to fail.

"It didn't do anything anyway, finish it with Dragon Claw!" Druddigon charged toward Cubchoo, it's bared with the same dark aura as before.

"Wait, that's Sucker Punch! I made a call for Dragon Claw!" Cubchoo and Carol both just looked, waiting to strike. Direct confrontation obviously wasn't going to win Carol the battle, so it took tricks. Druddigon finally made it's way to Cubchoo ready to crush the ice cub as Sucker Punch began to fade away.

"Yawn!" The Cubchoo spat a small bubble at Druddigon. It floated nonchalantly in the air, and lightly made it's way to Druddigon's face popping on contact, causing Druddigon to go drowsy and pass-out like a light. Iris was dumbfounded a simple bubble seemed to put Druddigon in a state of unconsciousness, if Druddigon woke up she wasn't going to let her guard down against such an attack again, she saw no point in being wary of what she thought was a damaging attack, especially a weak looking one.

"Wake up Druddigon!" Iris ordered futiley.

"Hm...." Drayden watched. "Yawn has the ability to put an opponent to sleep, Encore forces an opponent to only use the same move it preformed last, but you probably already know that by now.

"Tell me something I don't know," Iris muttered under her breath.

"Ice Punch!" The Cubchoo ran up to the sleeping foe and began to punch him with it's icy fist over and over violently. Iris could only watch as her companion and first Pokemon was beaten to a pulp in it's sleep. "Make the last one a good one!" Carol yelled as the Pokemon sent a last critical punch into the Pokemon's chest which woke it up, too late though, as the ice then began to slowly spread and freeze the Dragon beast with ease, effectively taking it out of play as it couldn't continue.

"Return!" Iris said as Druddigon was returned to his Poke Ball. "You did nicely Druddigon, you just got to battle like that against more bigger and stronger opponents like Haxorus."

"So, if I beat your last Pokemon I win this gym's badge. My boyfriend's gift is coming in handy," Carol cheered as her Cubchoo cheered with it's snot bubble swaying back and forth.

"Axew, your turn!" The Pokemon sprinted over toward the battle field taking Druddigon's place.

"Okay Cubchoo, Yawn!" The same bubble was lightly spat at Axew's direction.

"I'm not falling for that again! Dragon Rage!" The Pokemon's blast shot through the bubble bursting it.

"Cubchoo, jump and dodge it!" Cubchoo took a leap upward dodging the blast in the knick of time, unknown to Carol thanks to Axew's training her Cubchoo's chances of getting away where little more then a pipe dream.

"Follow it!" Iris ordered causing Axew to keep his eyes on the fleeing foe and moving his head up, Dragon Rage slammed into Cubchoo viciously. Cubchoo smacked the gym floor, as it had made it's last move.

"Nice Axew!" Iris congratulated the Pokemon's relatively easy win over Cubchoo. Drayden was partially impressed at the Pokemon's improvement and strive, going so far as to take out Cubchoo like that. The gym challenge however wasn't over with Carol having one Pokemon left to utilize.

"Okay! Pidove your up!" Carol boomed as a small bird came out of the Poke Ball and did a loop-a-loop after coming out. The most distinctive marking on the gray and black pigeon being its hard shape that sat on top of its chest. "I just caught this little guy, this is his first battle in fact," Drayden couldn't help but shake his head at the young woman's choices. Iris took one look at the bird and smirked.

"Scratch!" Axew jumped up and attempted to claw the Pidove, it however flew out of the way.

"Iris, Axew won't be hitting or catching a flying opponent with such a move at it's current skill," Drayden explained. "Remember the frisbee training?"

"Okay, Dragon Rage!" Axew shot an angry blast of energy at the Pidove, the Dragon Rage strayed off course a bit and barely missed the Pidove. Carol took full advantage of this.

"Quick Attack!" the Pidove was surrounded in a bright light and raced toward Axew slamming him in his chest and pushing him back.

"Dragon Rage while it's close!" Iris ordered getting flustered.

"Gust!" Carol ordered as the small pigeon's wings glowed light blue and began to flap hard whipping up a large blast of wind and dirt that sent the Dragon Rage off course. "Let's try to take it out with Quick Attack!" The Pidove flew into the sky once again.

"Axew, really concentrate this time. Keep your eyes on Pidove. Focus," Pidove came charging down to Axew. "Dragon Rage!" Axew sent a blast railing toward the Pidove which surprisingly hit that time bringing the Flying-type down to the earth. "Cool! Now finish it with Scratch!" Axew ran up to the Pokemon and clawed away at it over and over and it simply couldn't take anymore, the newly caught was knocked out.

"Oh, no I lost!" Carol said as she returned Pidove to it's Poke Ball.

"Job well done Iris, not a bad showing for your first gym challenge," Drayden congratulated Iris.

"How did I lose?" Carol muttered stubbornly as she began to leave the gym. Drayden didn't even want to say anything, clearly annoyed at someone who would attempt to face one of the most challenging gyms in Unova with a Pidove, a newly caught at that, knowing very well his Haxorus would have done away with Cubchoo and Pidove easily with no problem.

"We were great," Iris said as she threw Druddigon's Poke Ball, causing the Pokemon to make another appearance.

"Axew," the Dragon said to the dotting young girl, as she smiled back as well.

"As I suspected they're a perfect match." Drayden thought to himself.

"Druddi," the Pokemon said to Iris.

"You did well too, but you should have been there to see Axew battling," Iris congratulated and informed Druddigon.

"Iris doesn't exactly know how to use that Druddigon too well though. What a pity, he seemed like her best shot at making an impression at the meeting. This child's ability to read the hearts of Dragons may be appealing to them though, her battling skills and Pokemon do have quite a lot to be desired though. It doesn't help that Druddigon seems to be afraid to battle larger opponents, being caught inside a Poke Ball defiantly might have not helped the situation either," Drayden was lost in his thoughts for a few moments until a familiar sound snapped him back into reality.

"What's up next, Drayden?"

"Hum?" He was slightly taken off guard. "That ends the training for today, you're free to do whatever you please until tonight."

"Awesome, I'm gonna go hang around the city for a while. Be back later!" The young girl returned both Dragons to their respective Poke Balls and ran out the door.

"Be home before nightfall," Drayden said with a bit of a strain in voice. "That child right there," Drayden sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter he received before. He proceeded to open the envelope and read the message aloud to himself, wondering what it was, he skimmed over the message summarizing it. "Drayden, you have to be in Undella Bay in a few days, it is important you come here to represent the Opelucid Pokemon Gym for this meeting. No exceptions, sincerely, the Pokemon League council."

"Figures this would come up right when I have a meeting regarding Team Plasma in a few days," Drayden knew he had to be here in Opelucid for the upcoming court hearing regarding Team Plasma. It's something that couldn't be ignored, especially since this was going to be the official judgement regarding Team Plasma members that were captured during the invasion, it was his duty as a mayor to be there, it was his promise to his people of Opelucid. At the same time the Pokemon League seemed pretty stern in their ruling of Drayden being at Undella Bay for God knows whatever. The door of the gym soon swung open as Iris came in. "You were hardly gone," Drayden remarked.

"I forgot a bit of the city is closed off due to repairs from the fires," Iris said slightly embarrassed at her forgetful behavior.

An idea pinged Drayden's interest as he looked at Iris. "Iris, mind going on a business trip?" Drayden asked. Iris's eyes glowed with curiosity.

"A trip?" she parroted back at Drayden.

"Ever heard of Undella Bay?" Drayden said with a smile under his thick beard.

diamondpearl876
2nd June 2012, 3:47 AM
Iris walked down the slightly burned street alongside the fatherly Drayden, after the incident that had taken place a few days ago they had both taken some time to relax. Clay had left Opelucid, finishing his business but would be back soon for the trial. Looker had left with Clay as well discussing important matters with the Ground-type specialist. Iris naturally left her Druddigon at the Pokemon Center for some much needed healing after suffering the full force of a combined Heatwave and Overheat from Vierra's Fire-type Pokemon, not to mention taking quite a bit of damage from various other assaults, but she was joined by another familiar young Dragon, an adoring Axew. Drayden took the time to help get the city back up to snuff after the minor fire damage that was dealt to it, not only that but also to train Iris and take more gym challenges, but right now he had other things to attend to.

Really like this opening paragraph, it gives a nice summary of what happened in the previous chapter and you give a calming view of what happened after. Also, i see correct use of commas. I like it.



"Why don't you wait and see rather then ask?"

Should be "than". "Than" is a comparison, "then" is a notion of time.



"What a pretty yard," The girl took a whiff of the grass. "It smells and reminds me just like a lot of areas in the forest."

"Ax," The Axe Tusk Pokemon nodded in agreement. Drayden took a look at the lawn and looked at Iris and Axew.

Some issues with speech tags again, but you've been doing better at them.



"Druddigon is no longer your family," Drayden said in a voice many would associate with a respected father. "You're his trainer also Iris, it's completely irresponsible to expect a Pokemon to 'work it out himself', you take responsibility for you and your Pokemon's actions, that's an important rule as a gym leader. In the meantime I suggest you catch more Dragon-types," Drayden said as he gave a sharp look toward Axew, obviously he wasn't expecting the Pokemon to follow around Iris forever.

"Axew!" The Pokemon jumped up and down shaking his head in approval.

Is Axew not officially Iris's? I forget. It seems odd that Drayden says she only has one pokemon, when I always thought she had two. Either way, I like the father/daughter relationship you have going on here, and I like how strict Drayden is. Druddigon isn't her family anymore? Ouch.


Many holes covered the battle field due to the constant Digging by Fraxure and Drilbur.

Unless you're directly referring to the move "Dig" I wouldn't capitalize digging.


"Sorry, sorry, I was just at the Pokemon Center a little longer then I then I thought," she said as she held out Druddigon's Poke Ball. "I'm ready to train!"

You typed "then I" twice. Should be "than" anyway


"The Dragon's Den Challenge, not sure why you would be interested in that but, it's a test administrated in the Johto Region for strong trainers.

Since she is a dragon-type trainer and was raised by dragons, I'm not sure why he's started by her question.
It seems like you were focusing on commas this chapter, which you did much better at, but then you forgot to focus on speech tags as well. I'd look over the chapter one more time and fix those errors, but nonetheless, you're getting better. Your writing is a lot easier and more enjoyable to read like this. Your characters are also growing and that's enojyable to read. I have a feeling that Iris will be going to Undella Bay and will see Clair there, which will even help her character more. Keep it up!

Sidewinder
4th June 2012, 5:34 PM
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you


"What a pretty yard," the girl took a whiff of the grass. "It smells and reminds me just like a lot of areas in the forest."

The bolded portion isn't correctly formatted. It would be correct if you put,

"What a pretty yard," the girl said as she took a whiff of the grass. "It smells and reminds me just like a lot of areas in the forest."


stronger and help her in her goal of becoming the aspiring co-Gym Leader of Opelucid alongside him

Sorry if I'm being a bit thick, but when was it said that that her coal was to be a co-gym leader?


crystalline chandelier that floated on top of Drayden's kitchen roof.

The bolded portion would sound better as 'ceiling'


she had eaten away at the meat and popped the last piece in her mouth. Drayden was in a bit of an astonishment at her not having a problem eating raw meat.

That was what I was talking about earlier when I was hoping for some dragonish tendencies that bled off of her. It's nice that you're keeping to her backstory by showing little moments like this. You've set up a hard character in Iris, and you have to be careful and make sure that you stick to what you've laid out for her so far. Portions like the ones I quoted are an example that you are actually on top of it. That's the only real issue when writing original characters. Readers get hooked on them, and because their traits are so genuine and original, that if you do something uncharacteristic, people will pick up on it in an instant. So keep that in mind. Good job


"Oh, Iris. Your Druddigon is in excellent condition," The pink-haired elegant nurse walked out with a tray of Poke Balls, the tray labeled "D-types".

incorrect sentence

"Oh, Iris. Your Druddigon is in excellent condition," The pink-haired elegant nurse said as she walked out with a tray of Poke Balls, the tray labeled "D-types".

Other than those little nitpicks, I liked the chapter. The training with the frisbee was realistic, and I liked the inventiveness there. Iris seems to be growing under Drayden's watchful eye, which is good because she obviously has alot of potential and drive to do better. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why Drayden has taken such an interest in her. Obviously her ability to see the hearts of dragons is one portion of it, along with maybe him seeing a bit of himself in her, but for some reason I keep thinking he has more motivers that havent been revealed. Anyway, PM me when the next chapter is up

Sid87
7th June 2012, 5:57 PM
Here's my review of the opening!



My first really serious Fanfic is this one. Iris is a pretty fun and interesting character with a nice design to me, so I just have had the strong urge to write a sort of story about her and her future. How she came to be and how things have been for her. It's a Fanfiction on GAME Iris, the Gym Leader of White Version's Opelucid Gym. I'm still not really happy with this introduction chapter, I just look at it and think about all the things I think may have been badly done or attempted. But, I just went with this since I've been wanting to post this chapter for quite some time now, I'll try to do better in the future. As always any and all constructive criticism is appreciated, it can only make me better!

I like the expanding upon established game characters and their backstory or lives. I'm sure I will enjoy this. :)


The city was almost like a vintage wine itself, aged to perfection.

Drop the "itself". It's unneeded.


Life in Opelucid was always calm and yet so exciting, many people traversed the city daily with the latest Castelia City designed cellphones, the most up to date computers, the roads and sidewalks held the most nature efficient streetlights, that went for all of Opelucid's technology.

Just some punctuation errors here to clean up. Turn the comma after exciting into almost anything but a comma. A period, a semicolon, or a colon would all serve the purpose better. Turn the comma after "cellphones" into an "and", and then put a period after "computers". "nature-efficient" should be hyphenated. And I don't know what to do with that last participle about Opelucid's tech. Just drop it, maybe?


"I'm just a girl, chill out!" the girl said with a clear heavy animosity in her voice lugging the rather medium sized crate.

Replace the second "girl" with "young lady" or "child". Using "girl" twice in a row reads awkwardly.


Bong, a Pecha Berry fell from the crate the girl was carrying.

"BONG"? What is this berry made out of? ;)


""What a shame..." the man bent over picking up the pink fruit. "You two!" the man boomed in a gruff professional voice that sent shivers down Ed and Molly's spines. The man walked calmly over to the children. Ed kept a clear face and tried his best to not look nervous, even though it came off as clearly forced, a small bead of sweat leapt off Ed's head. As the man came toward the two, Ed stared at the man's face full of white crisp facial hair that almost completely covered the area around his mouth, his head had the same hair, and the rather aged yellow brownish eyes spelled clear annoyance being contained under a cap. The man's arms and muscles were rather big, truly a walking testament to all his hard work over the years. "You dropped something," he said as he pointed the Pecha at Molly.

I'm not generally a big fan of omniscient narrator (which I'm assuming this is considering in one paragraph, I'm told what Drayden said under his breath, that Molly AND Ed had chills, and I'm told what Ed's perception of Drayden is. I'm not saying it's bad, but it's not optimal. I'm either affix the narration to one person for good or I would shift the narrator by chapter. But giving a few different perspectives in one chapter (much less, one PARAGRAPH!) is jarring, and it makes it feel more like writing than like an experience. If that makes sense.


"No, they came from nature. Never take even the smallest thing for granted, even if it may be a small Pecha Berry. Nature works hard to give us all our food in a way, show the tiniest bit of respect," he answered back. "Good day," Drayden said walking away as the children relaxed themselves a bit.

I like Drayden here. He is old and cranky, but wise and polite. He disapproves of "kids today", but he's polite and respectful to them while imparting his wisdom.


"I've expect the best of Opelucid City, that includes the people Ms.Maryann."

Just a typo. Should be "I" and mot "I've".


"I expect nothing less from someone who has worked hard since childhood. Any challengers lately?" the woman said as her and Drayden walked toward a large building that gave off the shape of a reptilian creature, scale like bricks shaped the surface of the establishment.

"Her" should be "she". And "scale-like" should be hyphenated.


Drayden left the area walking to the end of the gym into a back room. The room was sized up to that of around a normal office room, a desk, pictures, computer, and business papers all around the room.

Should be "Drayden left the area and walked to the..." Also, if the office is normal-sized and has normal office things in it, you don't need to describe that. Just talk about what makes it different. "Besides the __________, it was a relatively normal office."


With a weight set and barbells in the corner. He sat down staring at the pictures of his various family and friends, eying one picture in particular of a young brown haired boy holding a green Dragon, tusk protruding its jaws, and rather large innocent eyes as the same could be said for the young child.

I really like this reminiscence. But Eyeing has both eyes left in, and the last sentence might read better if you Put a period after "innocent eyes" and left out the "as" to start [what would then become] the new last sentence.


-I'm going to be brief on the rest because I'm going out to lunch with my co-workers. It's not a bad story at all. There's just some grammatical mistakes that having people review it will help you clean up. Some of the sentences could be worded better, and the punctuation needs to be improved, but that's it.

-I like the characters as they are portrayed so far, Drayden in particular. I'm certainly looking forward to reading more, and I might try to do so after work tonight since I'll have a few hours to myself before the fiancee comes home. I'll try to leave a bit more in the way of my thoughts then when I'm less in a rush. :)


Chapter 2 The Girl Who Knows The Hearts of Dragons

-Obviously there's still some punctuation and grammar errors, but I did notice them less often, so perhaps you'd improved on them by this point. :) If you want/need, I can continue going over them in more depth in the future.

-I like the image of Fraxure offering Drayden a high-five, but Drayden seemingly leaving him hanging. It doesn't seem very Drayden-like to high-five, but I can picture a mid-evolution pokemon (essentially the teens of the pokemon world) going for something like that. It's a cute visual. It was also interesting to see Druddigon displaying such a human emotion as jealousy.

- I had a problem with the visual of "sweat somersaulted" off of Drayden's brow. That seems a bit out of the range of what I think sweat can do. It's perfectly fine to say something smaller like "fell" or "dripped". Not everything has to be so flowery. :)

-Iris is a lot of fun. Innocent and naive, but very adept in her own way. I like her recklessness in rushing out to save the Axew. She is an intriguing character. And raised by dragons, eh? That certainly gives a lot of credence to how such a young girl became a respected gym leader. I'm quite curious as to how she ended up raised by dragons and why the dragons elected to raise her. Questions abound!

-I am not a huge fan of random italicized narration. I see you've been using it to both narrate the past and narrate time skips. I'd just decide against it. It's very distracting and pulls the eye away from other paragraphs. I know a lot of people use italics for a lot of reasons, but it almost never comes across well in my opinion. Just go regular. :)


Chapter 3 Trust

-Drayden may [will] end up being proven wrong, but I like and respect his level-headedness at the town meeting in regards to Team Plasma. It's just realistic: people rush to judgment and want things done, and those in power need to keep their heads and overreact. I just feel bad he's going to [almost certainly] end up being proven wrong.

-The big paragraph of the beginning section (after Drayden talks with Clay) is very good. There are some grammar errors (most words that should have been plural but weren't, and vice versa), but it gives a solid, accurate representation of Team Plasma. And it internalizes Drayden's anger at HEARING these rumors, but not being able to substantiate anything. But let me show you:


The fact Team Plasma were threatening violence and getting what they wanted was something Drayden couldn't tolerate. To an extent, Team Plasma were terrorist in the Spartan Mayor's eyes.

The "were" should be "was" and "terrorist" should be plural. Just an example of what I mentioned at first there.


Iris was on her way to Drayden's gym after receiving news of him wanting to see her from Druddigon, she of course accepted with no problem.

Just another quick correction: That last comma should be a semicolon or a period. Those are two complete thoughts, not separated by a conjunction. :)

-I like more development of Druddigon's personality. :) He is kind of shy; that's cute.

-When you show Vierra's battle, you just expect us all to know what a Heatmor is. And that's reasonable on a pokemon website, obviously, but as far as it being a STORY goes, you should pretend Iris doesn't know. Or at least DESCRIBE the Heatmor in narration so that the reader gets an image of. Plus, is it just like all other Heatmor? Is it distinguishable? Just stuff to keep in mind going forward. :)

-I was initially upset by the Drayden/Iris conversation in that there is no set up, and it goes immediately into Drayden offering her a scholarship, but the rest of their interaction is really sweet. Iris defending Druddigon against being called "it", the concept of being cooped in a pokeball, and Drayden asking her not to ride on Druddigon in public. All nice touches on the characters.

-More inconsistent narration, with the reader getting a glimpse into Vierra's thoughts. Just keep in mind what I said earlier and work on establishing a character for the narration to be attached to.

Doryuzu
8th June 2012, 3:39 AM
All Chapter 1 errors, have been fixed. Thank you for pointing them out.



Chapter 2 The Girl Who Knows The Hearts of Dragons

-Obviously there's still some punctuation and grammar errors, but I did notice them less often, so perhaps you'd improved on them by this point. :) If you want/need, I can continue going over them in more depth in the future. Thank you, I would appreciate it. Having more depth grammatical checking is always appreciated.


-I like the image of Fraxure offering Drayden a high-five, but Drayden seemingly leaving him hanging. It doesn't seem very Drayden-like to high-five, but I can picture a mid-evolution pokemon (essentially the teens of the pokemon world) going for something like that. It's a cute visual. It was also interesting to see Druddigon displaying such a human emotion as jealousy.Thank you, I try to give them personalities so they feel more like characters than animals.


- I had a problem with the visual of "sweat somersaulted" off of Drayden's brow. That seems a bit out of the range of what I think sweat can do. It's perfectly fine to say something smaller like "fell" or "dripped". Not everything has to be so flowery. :)Thank you, I'll keep that in mind in the future. : )


-Iris is a lot of fun. Innocent and naive, but very adept in her own way. I like her recklessness in rushing out to save the Axew. She is an intriguing character. And raised by dragons, eh? That certainly gives a lot of credence to how such a young girl became a respected gym leader. I'm quite curious as to how she ended up raised by dragons and why the dragons elected to raise her. Questions abound!Thank you, I'm glad you like her personality. Her being raised by Dragons is something I'll be expanding on quite some time later in the fic, it's going to be one of the central focal points of the fic, but we won't get to understand why for a while and it's really going to have quite the arc. around it.


-I am not a huge fan of random italicized narration. I see you've been using it to both narrate the past and narrate time skips. I'd just decide against it. It's very distracting and pulls the eye away from other paragraphs. I know a lot of people use italics for a lot of reasons, but it almost never comes across well in my opinion. Just go regular. :)
Sorry about that, I mainly italicized some words to make them stand out and show some significance to them. I'll be aware of how often i do that in the future.





The "were" should be "was" and "terrorist" should be plural. Just an example of what I mentioned at first there.



Just another quick correction: That last comma should be a semicolon or a period. Those are two complete thoughts, not separated by a conjunction. :)Thanks, I'll fix those.



-I like more development of Druddigon's personality. :) He is kind of shy; that's cute.
Thanks, I'm glad you like him. It's kinda fun to make a big brute like Pokemon, shy and such.



-When you show Vierra's battle, you just expect us all to know what a Heatmor is. And that's reasonable on a pokemon website, obviously, but as far as it being a STORY goes, you should pretend Iris doesn't know. Or at least DESCRIBE the Heatmor in narration so that the reader gets an image of. Plus, is it just like all other Heatmor? Is it distinguishable? Just stuff to keep in mind going forward. :)Oh, thank you. I'll fix that.


-I was initially upset by the Drayden/Iris conversation in that there is no set up, and it goes immediately into Drayden offering her a scholarship, but the rest of their interaction is really sweet. Iris defending Druddigon against being called "it", the concept of being cooped in a pokeball, and Drayden asking her not to ride on Druddigon in public. All nice touches on the characters.
Yes, I thought was a too sudden too. In the future, I'll try to do things like that with more set-up to them so they don't come off as forced or sudden.



-More inconsistent narration, with the reader getting a glimpse into Vierra's thoughts. Just keep in mind what I said earlier and work on establishing a character for the narration to be attached to.
Thank you for pointing that out, I'll work on that later as well.

Sid87
8th June 2012, 5:01 PM
Chapter 4 Opelucid in Flames

Wow, so...this chapter is huge. Without having read it yet, I'd think it could have been split into two separate chapters. It's an imposing chapter to look at and think "Well, I can thoroughly read and review this in my half-hour break". ;)

The opening scene with the young girl Vierra is cute. It certainly makes the reader want to know how she eventually became so nefarious. I do agree with DP876 and Sidewinder that the "Rustle, rustle" should go. That's more of something you'd write in script format.


"The premiere fire specialist is here, I'm Vierra," an older Vierra said as she spun around with two Pokeballs in her hands showing off to her father as she wore her backpack.

Just some more comma advice: there should be one after "her hands".


She tried her luck against Electric Star and Shining Beauty, Elesa, however by the end of the battle she ended up dizzy, shocked, and dazzled. She tried to take on The HighFlying Girl and Flying-type specialist, Skyla but was fondly blasted away by Skyla's potent, "Walking on Air" battling style.

No corrections; I just really enjoyed that brief sequence.


"Of course, the easiest way to fix your daughter's mistake would be to come back. We'll be back, good day Harry."

Should be a period after "We'll be back". Two separate sentences at the end would be best.

This scene with the cryptic guys and Vierra's dad is a bit too rushed for me. I get that we're not SUPPOSED to have the answers because it's a mysterious event, but it seems to come out of nowhere. Worse than having questions about the mystery of it all, I just have NO IDEA what is going on. You should give us a little more than this bit here. Tease out some minor answers just to explain why dad is getting money from these guys. What's vierra need it for? How do they have money to loan out? Those kinds of minor details make the scene seem more sensible.


"Drayden! Vierra," Iris ran up to the picnic area nearly out of breath.

this will seem contradictory to what DP876 already told you, but you don't ALWAYS have to end quotations with a comma. Especially if the dialogue tag does not describe the actual speech (as here, Iris is RUNNING. Not speaking). You could go with --"Drayden! Vierra!" Iris called out-- since commas aren't used to replace exclamation points (just periods). Or --"Drayden. Vierra." Iris ran as she called out to the two of them-- Those are both still right. Does that make sense?

-The Stun Powder description and use as a sedative is incredibly creative. Good job.


"When will I get what I want," Vierra asked coldly.

Commas don't replace question marks, either. :) That should just be --"...what I want?" Vierra asked coldly--.


"Waaaa," the woman wailed.

Might be a "me" thing, but I don't like the writing out of sound effects. I'd just say "The woman wailed" and be done with it.

-I actually REALLY ENJOY the flashes from scene-to-scene. Instead of just overloading us on "Here's Vierra's bit. Then here's Iris' bit", we are zipping rapidly between them all. It is fun to read, and it actually lends a sense of urgency to everything by leaving me wanting more each time I see a character.


"Err," Clay said annoyed. "Fire and Team Plasma, dealin' with both. Where in tar nation is Drayden?" he wondered. "Hydro Pump, Sandstorm," he ordered as his Krokorok sent a funnel of dust and dirt toward a fire that was running near a house and his Palpitoad finished ridding Opelucid of one less fire embraced building.

"Flamethrower, again! Reignite it," the grunt yelled to his Watchog as it launched another flame.

"Hydro Pump," Clay's Palpitoad's jet of water intercepted the fire. "Bulldoze, Krokorok," the Pokemon began to violently stomp it's foot into the ground and rushed toward the Watchog impacting it.

CITIZENS OF OPELUCID IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, PLEASE EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. STAY CALM. A STATE OF EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED! FIREFIGHTERS FROM NEARBY ICCIRUS AND UNDELLA BAY HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED IN AN EFFORT TO HELP CONTAIN THE BLAZES! OUR OWN OPELUCID FIRESTATION IS DOING IT'S BEST!

"Errrh," Clay grunted once more.

This whole section could be cleaned up. The "battle" between Clay and the Plasma grunt seems a little lazy (not in that you were lazy, but just in that neither guy really seems to be giving it his all. It reads like they're just going through the motions. It needs more intensity!). And the bold part in the middle...I'm assuming that is a P.A. system announcement? That could be stated more clearly, if so.

-The scene between Iris and Vierra could use some work. Vierra says some childish things there for someone her age (like the line about Tirtougas or Iris not being her mom or dad). I imagine Vierra would be a little more harried and frustrated, and less petty and insulting. That's a pretty serious moment with the city burning around them, and her dealing with the lack of wanting to even associate with "murderers" like Team Plasma. I just don't get ANY depth of character from her at all, and even Iris isn't her usual full-of-life self there. It seems like you were writing the latter parts of this chapter in a hurry just to get them done. I might be wrong, though. But stuff like Vierra just spilling beans on her past unprompted ("My father disowned me!") seemed too easy and done just to advance to the next part. Don't be afraid to draw things out and let them develop.

-I actually think this chapter could have been split up into 3 chapters. A Clay-based version of the events, a Vierra-based version, and an Iris-based version. It would have been great fun to get all three characters' perspectives on what happened, and then you could have gone into appropriate detail of things without having it all feel rushed. You could gloss over (or just omit) things in one version and let a different character expand on them later. I think that might have been a better option. :)

Doryuzu
22nd June 2012, 2:51 PM
A/N: So, this chapter right here is where Iris finally departs on her journey to Undella Town. She also meets up with a certain character. We get some foreshadowing for a future plot line I have had planned for a long while. So, enjoy. This chapter didn't feel like it took long to write as the other chapters. But, then again I haven't really compared it previous chapters, but I seriously doubt it's as long as the last batch. It's a bit daunting to me that the chapter lengths are so...erratic. Hopefully you all enjoy what I brought to the table though. Also, I have a very interesting way to write an upcoming plot line involving the new character that ties in nicely with all the Team Plasma shenanigans and Dragon crap. Also, I've had quite a few comments and messages from people saying they enjoy my story, so that's always cool to hear. Comments, critique, criticism, and reviews are appreciated as always. I also did a clean up of the grammar in previous chapters, much appreciation to those who pointed those mistakes out. If you wanna be PMed for future chapters, just let me know.



Chapter 6 Agent Whitlea, Case Closed!


"Ember!"

Small flares of heat bursted angrily en route toward the Tusk Pokemon. Engaging in a fierce match of pure will, that Iris considered training, was a young man with a Darumaka. The hotheaded Pokemon couldn't have been anymore tense, facing off against Axew in a battle, and that showed with its red hot circular body dripping with sweat. The two Pokemon were on par with each other for the most part of the battle, though the young Dragon's fatigue from two other previous battles was getting to him, despite the fact Axew and Druddigon only battled in the morning and had a bit of a break since then, it now was noon. Even if they were fairly rookie trainers who unknowingly tried to do battle with one of the strongest gyms in Unova. Drayden couldn't be bothered with easily knocking out novice trainers, having other matters to attend to. Though it provided Iris with some nice experience, so he didn't complain and simply sent them her way.

"Dodge it!" a vibrant command from the girl caused Axew to backpedal hastily as the fiery attack trailed the ground. The Tusk Pokemon naturally had become more accustomed to his new main battling environment, thus he navigated the aged terrain to the best of his ability. The Zen Charm Pokemon abruptly stopped its assault in an attempt to catch its breath, Iris took full advantage of this moment of rest. "Scratch!" the young Dragon used his speed, which Iris cherished so much, and made a beeline toward the recovering Darumaka, delivering a point blank slashing to his adversary.

The trainer grunted at the Pokemon's evasive nature. "Catch it and smash it with Headbutt!" Iris nodded to Axew, determined to use her Pokemon's most honed asset with the best of her ability. The Tusk Pokemon squatted and waited for his opponent to get closer and closer.

"Jump!" Iris ordered, the young Dragon bounded out of the way of the Fire-type. Not being able to stop itself in time, the Zen Charm Pokemon crashed into the bitter terrain of the field. Iris couldn't help but shudder at the collision.

"Quit running away dammit!" the young man got frustrated. "Flamethrower!" Iris was too late to order her Pokemon to dodge, as he took the powerful blaze head-on. Iris watched in slight awe at such a powerful flame. She knew very well Axew was done for after one more attack, she had to end things then and there.

"Okay, your Dragon Rage!" Axew's body pulsed with a powerful, translucent, lustrous, blue energy, the Tusk Pokemon slowly opened his mouth. An angry raging blast of draconic energy rushed toward the Zen Charm Pokemon, the boy was quick to react though.

"Flamethrower!" Darumaka was expressive, blasting a vicious storm of mighty heat toward the Tusk Pokemon. The attacks continued to travel in unison, paralleling each other, and the violent magnificent blasts both struck their intended targets. Smoke enveloped the areas around each opponent, slowly but surely clearing as seconds passed. The smoke revealed both Pokemon barely on their toes, Axew wobbled back and forth like a Daruma doll. Gravity was the Zen Charm Pokemon's worst enemy, as it felt like the simple force was especially trying to bring it down. The fighters did their best to stay afloat and strong but with time, both Pokemon gave into exhaustion and smacked the field, it was a match of willpower but ultimately.

"Axew cannot continue, the victor is Darumaka! Meaning the winner is Chase!" the referee shouted.

"Return, Darumaka!" the young man said victoriously.

"Nice job Axew, you're getting stronger everyday." Iris picked up the tired young hero after his hard work. She could only be satisfied with the budding Dragon-type's growth since they first met back in the forest. Axew smiled while being cradled by the young girl. Chase took this time to attempt to get what he came for.

"You owe me a badge," he said smugly. Iris stared at him blankly.

"Sorry, I can't give out badges," she smirked.

"I challenged you for a badge! You are the gym leader of Opelucid, so you owe it to me for beating you!"

"Well, it's not like that. You see, I'm just an apprentice. Drayden told me to battle you guys and to only move you on to him if you could win."

"The hell?! Is this some type of joke? Nice job wasting my time!" the boy dug through his pocket and pulled out a small object. It was green and gave off a slight sparkle, three green ovals seemed to overlap each other. "You see? I'm no rookie, I have one badge!"

"I'm not sure what to say," Iris said confused. "Clyde?" A man with sunglasses walked over, his crispy light blond hair slightly shined with sweat. Refereeing wasn't nearly as easy as it looked, at least in his opinion.

"Yeah, sorry bud. Gyms and their leaders can make up any rules they want, if Drayden said you had to beat Iris to battle him. You gotta follow his rule like law," the experienced man was quick to enforce the conduct of Drayden that he had set on the challengers of the day.

"Fine, where's Drayden?" Chase said defeated.

"He's away and not taking anymore challengers for the day," Clyde explained. "You're free to come back though when he's here."

The boy grunted. "Fine, I'll come back and beat Drayden." the boy started off toward the gym's doors.

"Thanks, Clyde."

"Don't mention it Iris, that's my job," he said kindly. Refereeing was something Clyde had learned to do exceptionally, it was also partly his responsibility to enforce the laws of each individual gym. He was a help toward Iris quite a bit since she started fighting opponents. "Did Drayden tell you where he was going specifically?"

"Well, he said he was gonna take care of some business and grab some items for later."

"Don't you have some business soon also?"

Oh, yeah that's right. Iris had nearly forgotten she had to visit Undella Town, a beautiful summer retreat of sorts. Apparently a duty regarding the Opelucid Gym stated specifically to be attended by the Pokemon League Council themselves. Iris still didn't quite understand why Drayden didn't visit it himself if it was so important, but she wasn't complaining. It gave her some time to travel for a bit and do some Gym Leader business, which could only give her more experience, though she couldn't help but think how much of a drag it might be.

"Yeah, I'll be leaving tomorrow."

"Best of luck to ya, I'm heading home, lil' Dragon girl." Clyde made his way out of the gym's doors. Iris did the same, ready to take her Pokemon to the Pokemon Center for some much needed tender love and care after all the abuse they had taken that day.


*************

Drayden waited patiently in line, the Poke Mart's delivery man had finally made it back from Castelia City after the order he had made. After a long day in the office taking care of work, having to wait in line for his order was tedious as could be. But, he stayed calm and mature as always. Doubling as a Pokemon Center and Poke Mart, Opelcuid's Pokemon Center was always a buzz with many characters and people.

"It finally arrived? The latest version, correct?" Drayden asked.

"Yes, it came in a little later than usual." the fairly green-clothed delivery man handed Drayden a small brown package.

"Good, the child can depart soon then," Drayden muttered under his breath. "This makes me feel better, with Team Plasma running around Unova." He began to walk away, until a voice drew his attention.

"You'll be happy to know they're in good health," Nurse Joy handed Iris two Poke Balls.

"Thank you," Iris took the metallic red and white balls in hand. "We've been through a long day of battles."

"While training is nice, remember to not overdo it," the young elegant woman lectured things all adults said.

"I promise I won't, I gotta go now though," Iris cut away from the woman.

She began to walk away, however a melody was quick to steal her attention. A soothing fluffy noise was heard in a nearby corner, the only person who sat there was an older male dressed in rather casual inexpensive clothing, whose azure innocent eyes sat lazily on his face. Rings around them told a bit of a story, they told a calm tale but also had a remembrance about them. He kept his mouth on the harmonica, blowing into it with little force and moving it slowing which elicited a small change in sound and tone. Next to him flapping small cottony wings was a tiny bird, blue with two feather like hairs on her head. Her small beak when opened unleashed a fresh warm nostalgic song. The man continued to play and the small bird continued to sing.

Iris stood there, she smiled warmly at the joyful noise being made by the unknowing performers. Taking in every little note of sound that gracefully flew out of the Swablu's mouth and the man's harmonica. It wasn't just music, it reminded her of something more.

Her past.

It reminded her how Dragons had changed her life. How she wasn't the same child from before, the young helpless girl from that place. That awful place, she could look forward to the future, because of people like Drayden as well as Dragons. It was her past, no one would know and in a way she would just prefer to keep it that way. She continued to listen in to the beautiful sound, closing her eyes and taking in each note, trying to get as much out of it as she could.

"Harmonious, isn't it?" Drayden chimed in from behind Iris. She turned her head to find the Spartan Mayor standing, listening to it as well.

"Sure is, 'cause it's so beautiful."

"Well, Swablu are Pokemon known for their exceptional singing abilities. They evolve into a Dragon-type Pokemon, known as Altaria. It isn't very common in Unova though."

"Altaria...." Iris smiled gleefully.

"Yes, indeed. Many call Altaria 'Angels of the Dragons' because of their graceful appearances and soothing voices. They transverse the skies like angels themselves."

"Yeah, plus they're big and fluffy," Iris described the Angelic Dragon, which caused Drayden to smile weakly at her innocence.

"Well, we have to go now, I have something to give you, a gift," he walked away toward the exit of the Pokemon Center, Iris gave one last soulful glare toward the Swablu and man and took in their music once more before leaving also.

The two headed back to the gym, both feeling refreshed and serene. They both went inside as Drayden unvealed his "gift".

"Iris, you'll be traveling to Undella Town soon. I thought it would only be fitting you got one of these," Drayden opened the box and handed Iris a small watch-like device. The young girl looked at the item curiously before asking Drayden. "What is it?"

"That's a 'Cross-Transceiver', you can use it for communicating and making calls. It didn't come cheap, so take care of it," Drayden explained. Iris took another stare at the red and black watch, she poked around with the device for a minute in order to get a feel for it.

"Cool, thanks Drayden!" Iris jumped up ecstatically.

"There's one feature in particular I want you to see," Drayden took the watch from Iris and pressed a few buttons.


"Axew, the Tusk Pokemon. They're fairly rare Dragons throughout most of Unova, the first form of a three-stage evolutionary line. They aren't very strong from the very beginning, but can be made into extremely formidable Pokemon after quite a bit of training because, like all Dragons, they're a bit difficult to train. They also are known for their powerful tusk, which can be used to crush berries, mark territory, and scare away predators. They grow back fairly swiftly if they break and the repeated regrowth makes them very sharp and tough. Axew has a thick stomach and powerful internal energy that grows and generates with every bit of work and training it does, making it a strong opponent to be reckoned with.

"Wow!" Iris fawned over the simple machine's information as well as the data on Axew. When Iris heard of the internal energy, the first thing that came to her mind was Drayden's Haxorus's Draco Meteor. She also thought about the idea of an Axew using its tusk to scare away anything and giggled.

"Quite the useful item to have when you need information about certain Pokemon, though it mainly has data on Dragon Pokemon."

"It is cool, so I'm gonna test it. Axew and Druddigon, come on out!" Iris tossed two Poke Balls.

"Axew?"

"Druddig?"

"Okay! Axew! Use your tusk to scare away Druddigon!" Drayden couldn't help but look weirdly at Iris's order, but he observed closely and carefully. Axew walked up to Druddigon while puffing up his chest and showing off his tusk. Druddigon simply stared at the young Pokemon and shrugged while yawning. Axew continued to show off his muscles and tusk while trying to make an intimidating face, even roaring a few times the roars sounded like a newborn Lillipup's upset whine though. Druddigon looked at the much smaller Dragon and simply began to giggle. Drayden raised an eyebrow at both Pokemon. An annoyed Axew shot Druddigon a dirty look.

"Uh, Axew, that's enoug..." Iris couldn't finish her sentence as Druddigon's laughing continued and Axew continued to look more and more temperamental. Axew hopped up to Druddigon's face and let out a horrific screech which snatched the Cave Pokemon's attention, the Tusk Pokemon gave off a bloodcurdling roar! An unnerving spine-chilling appearance replaced Axew's normal innocent image. Druddigon's laughing ceased and turned into a terrified shriek, Axew continued the wail and look on his face, his tusk almost seemed like butcher knives themselves to the other Dragon. Druddigon only had one way to escape his current situation. The Pokemon turned into a red light and retreated to his Poke Ball. Axew grinned, feeling achieved at scaring off the bigger Pokemon. Iris was puzzled.

"Looks like a classic version of Scary Face if I every saw one."

"Scary Face? It works on such bigger opponents? Wow!"

"Axeeew." the Pokemon showed off his muscles again, proud about impressing Iris.

"That's enough for now so return." Axew was broken down and forced back into his portable home.

"I still can't get over how awesome that was," Iris repeated those words. Drayden ignored her swooning and attempted to move on to the next subject.

"Well, now that you know how the Xtransceiver works, give it back to me. I'm going to update it with Undella Town's directions."

"Uh...sure," Iris handed the piece of technology to Drayden with care.

"That's just what I wanted to show you, you'll be leaving tomorrow morning."

With that, Iris was all settled and set to begin her trek to Undella Town the next day. She and her adoring Pokemon, Axew and Druddigon were mixed with emotions for their first real gym leader business travel. But, Iris was at least optimistic toward what would happen the next day. With her backpack in hand, as well as her Pokemon, she began to bid a temporary farewell to her mentor and teacher at the Opelucid City exit that led to Route 11.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I can do it!" She was pumped. "You won't be disappointed!"

"Iris, I have my reasons besides just sending you on an errand for giving this trip to you. I really believe that you traveling will help you become stronger, while you can do that here in Opelucid. I think traveling a little bit will help you understand just what hard work is."

"Thank you for believing in me, I know I can get the job done. "

"Well, with that. Your business trip begins now."

"I'll do good Drayden!" Iris yelled as she ran down the path smiling and waving to Drayden. Drayden gave one last weak smile to the fleeing girl before reentering Opelucid City. Iris's excited running soon turned into steady striding as she paced down Route 11.


**********

Later that day, Iris continued her journey toward Undella Town. The blue wide sky stretched on an eternal path. The trees and grass being greener than ever, not to mention the wild Pokemon in the area all running around wildly, as Pokemon typically did. She took this opportunity to check her Xtransceiver for how much longer she had, not to mention scanning many wild Pokemon she passed by.

"Okay," Iris muttered as she fondled the buttons on the watch, pulling up the map to Undella Town. "Uh....I think I'm on the right track. Wait, no. I should have passed by Village Bridge a while back, but...I'm in this forest area. So, that means I went around it when I should have gone through it? Or should I have gone around it?" Iris scratched her head. "Wait, I went north when I should have gone east? Or did I go west?" Iris got frustrated.

"How did I get myself lost!" Iris boomed causing a small group of Pidove to flee from a nearby tree. "I can't call Drayden and say I'm lost already. That'd be too embarrassing, oh man," Iris grunted.

A rumble in her stomach was a noise she was all too familiar with. "Plus, I'm starting to get hungry." Iris scanned the area around the trees. "Not one berry in sight either," she gabbed. The sound of a Poke Ball opening in Iris's pocket drew her attention away from her hungry stomach, if only for a second.

"Axe," the Pokemon grumbled.

"You too?" Iris asked sympathetically. "Well, we have some packed food in my backpack, but we're technically not suppose to eat it until dinner time." Axew growled hungrily as Iris did the same.

"We've got other problems on our hands, we're lost." Iris whined. "We can't make it to Undella Town if we don't even know where we are or what direction to go. I didn't know reading a map would be that hard, it's my first time so please don't be mad at me getting us lost."

Axew ignored Iris's setback, having other things on his mind or perhaps nose. His face was dragged to the ground, an aroma that only Axew could trace permeated the air. The Tusk Pokemon happily closed his eyes and followed his nose, making a steady jog, intent on finding the source of the delicious scent. Iris followed alongside him.

"Wait, Axew?" Iris kept up with the Tusk Pokemon as he continued to move with admirable speed. "Where are you going?" Axew didn't speak simply following the joyfully fumed path that his nose could only understand. "Now, Axew. You know I trust you but-" Axew's walking turned into a dead rush as he repeated his name and pointed straight, continuing around a tree.

"What is it?" Iris asked as she turned around the tree as well. She noticed a campsite, a tent, sleeping bag, and various other trinkets. All placed around a clear area shrouded by a circle of trees, but most importantly her eye lite up like the glow on an Ampharos's tail. It was food! Genuine food! Berries, sandwiches, and bread! It all sat on a picnic sheet. It all gave off a hopeful air, temptation was calling Iris and Axew. They both made a beeline for the berries, Iris proceeded to dig into the fruit at rapid pace alongside her young Dragon-type friend who indulged himself in the Oran Berries. She let the juicy ripe taste fill her mouth in large amounts, each bite of the fruit causing her to get small bits of it on her face. Axew stuck Berries in his mouth whole, feasting unrelenting. A sharp yell knocked her and the Tusk Pokemon off of Cloud Nine.

"Who do you think you are?!" a brown-haired girl screeched. Her feminine face, azure eyes, and clear skin showed her age very clearly, Iris figured she was around fourteen, fifteen, or sixteen. A fresh feminine smell lingered in Axew's nose from the girl's simple appearance. Poking out of the back of her white and pink cap was a long ponytail that Iris admired, she began to wonder slightly if pink, black, and white were the girl's favorite colors, as those comprised most of what she wore, including her pink Xtransceiver.

"Oh, uhhhh sorry! I didn't," Iris stumbled with her mouth full, attempting to explain herself.

"Ughhhhh! I don't have time for this, I got to find that thief! Once I return, you're under arrest! Under the authority of Agent Whitlea!" the girl sped off.

Arrest? Drayden certainly wouldn't be happy about that, much worse than getting lost. The last thing the young girl needed was a prison record. Her mind was filled with many images of sitting behind caged bars of a penitentiary. Would she ever become the Opelucid Gym Leader? What about Druddigon? What about Drayden? Her appetite and hunger vanished as quickly as it had came.

"Quit eating and let's go Axew!" Iris and the Tusk Pokemon arose. "Where's that girl at?!" she gave a surveillance to the area around her.

"Axew!" the Pokemon mimed sniffing the air to get Iris's attention.

"You remember her scent? Take the lead!" Axew darted off. "We cannot go to jail, we cannot go to jail!" Iris replayed the words aloud. They transversed the forest with hyper speed, stomping near every leaf that dared sit in their path. Until a clearing came into view, there stood the girl. Gazing up a usual tree with a solid anger in her demeanor.

"Give them back now!" the girl hollered. Iris paced over.

"Hey, I'm sorry about before, me and Axew saw the food and couldn't resist, you see we were hungry and-"

"I don't care, I got other stuff on my mind right now!" she peered up into the tree. "Come out you thief! Give me back my Poke Balls!" Iris stared curiously and tried to understand the girl's current situation. "Damn thief!" Hilda hissed. A purple-bodied Pokemon peaked its head out of the tree. Its mischievous eyes and predator stinger showed how threatening it was, despite it not being a very large Pokemon. The Pokemon pointed its pincer at the young woman and taunted her with a giggle. It lingered upside down from the branch of the tree, holding three Poke Balls in its arms.

"If I had my Poke Balls, I would take you out so fast!" she grunted.

"Doesn't look like a Pokemon you typically see often. Oh, yeah! Drayden's gift." Iris pointed her Xtransceiver at Gligar, getting a nice shot of the Pokemon, and fiddled with a few buttons.


Gligar, the FlyScorpion Pokemon. Gligar is known to be a very versatile Pokemon. It has many powerful attacking traits, may it be its strong fangs, razor sharp pincers, or its venomous stinger-like tail. They glide using their membrane that is attached to their arms and legs.

"That jerk has some nerve, even worse I can't do anything about it!" the girl shrieked. An idea then struck Iris's attention.

"I'll help you out then, let's call this our repayment for the food! Axew, go!" the Pokemon began to scale the trunk of the tree in pursuit of Gligar. Gligar glared at its oncoming opponent, thin poisonous objects fired from Gligar's mouth.

"Dragon Rage!" Axew's blast easily mowed down the attack.

"You're good! Now tell Axew to get my Poke Balls!" Whitlea cheered on Iris. Axew continued up the tree, Gligar sat down all three of the Poke Balls on a nearby branch. The FlyScorpion Pokemon let out an awful ear piercing shriek, Axew yelled in anguish at the high volume sound as he did his best to stay his ground.

"Axew get away from it!" Axew attempted to get away from the retching sound, the Tusk Pokemon rushed up a branch into the leaves. Gligar scanned the tree for its enemy, a rustle to the right drew its attention as a cluster of Poison Sting were shot that way, smacking Axew and sending the Pokemon flying out of the tree, much to Iris's fear, the Pokemon careened into the ground hard. Gligar cheered in its success in ridding the tree of Axew.

"Wow, that Gligar's one tough cookie," Iris admitted as she helped her Axew gain his composure. "Let's try again, okay Axew!" Iris certainly looked ready to fight.

"No, no point in doing the same thing twice. Gligar will just drive Axew out of the tree like it did before," Whitlea said strategically. "We'll figure out a plan or my name isn't 'Agent Whitlea'."

"Okay, what's the plan?" Iris asked curiously.

"I've got it all figured out and it's called, 'Agent Whitlea's Super Duper Strategic Undefeated Successful Gligar Victory Plan!' of course I'm gonna need your Axew's full cooperation."

"Um.....wha?" Iris raised an eyebrow at the girl.

"First and foremost, I'm assuming that Gligar is here because of a Pokemon Swarm in the area."

"Swarm?"

"On certain days in many areas in Unova, some Pokemon will become more active. I'm guessing that Gligar is from a Swarm, since Gligar isn't common at all around these parts."

"Wouldn't that make a Gligar really rare then?" the idea of catching the Gligar surfaced in Iris's mind, but was quickly diminished.

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, let's put 'Agent Whitlea's Super Duper Strategic Undefeated Successful Gligar Victory Plan!' to work and get to discussing!" Iris once again was taken off guard by the girl's plan, but decided to cooperate.

"Well, sure. They're your Poke Balls after all." Iris smirked.


-----------------------

Whitlea and Iris approached the tree cautiously carrying a small plate of Berries.

"Hey, Gligar!" Iris bellowed.

"Gli?" the Pokemon stuck its head out.

"Ya hungry? We just wanna show this as a sign of us being sorry for trying to take back Whitlea's Poke Balls. You should keep them." Gligar was wary of Iris and Whitlea's sudden change of heart, but like any Pokemon, food was put in high regard so it certainly didn't want to turn a meal down. The FlyScorpion Pokemon glided over toward the two girls, grabbing a Berry and chowing down on it.

"Come on Axew," Iris thought. The Tusk Pokemon climbed up the tree from the backside with the intentions of retrieving Whitlea's purloined Poke Balls. Meanwhile, Gligar continued to snack on the Berries to its heart's content. Axew looked curiously around each branch, Gligar chewed on one last piece of Berry before patting its stomach and flying off back to its tree. Axew spotted Whitlea's Poke Balls, unfortunately he also saw the FlyScorpion Pokemon approaching and did his best to hide up in the upper part of the tree. Iris hoped for her Pokemon's safety, as he tried his best to stay undetected by Gligar. The young girl couldn't take the waiting any further, she truly feared the possible consequences of her choice in sending Axew on a mission like this. She had to do something.

"Axew!" the Pokemon lingered from above an upper branch as Gligar looked up, its eyes were met with a pair of red bloody demonic circular eyeballs. The Pokemon was startled causing it to panic, slamming the branch and sending a heavy vibration through the tree. One of the Poke Balls in its possession was sent rocketing toward the earth. Whitlea's gleeful eyes were glued on the grounded Poke Ball, she dashed toward it and secured it.

"Finally I can get my payback! Okay, Servine action!" a snake-like creature appeared, its body was lush and leafy. It hissed at Gligar viciously, and kept those knife-like eyes trained on the FlyScorpion. Gligar hid inside the tree further, completely consoled by the leaves. Axew was one thing, but Servine. "You get out of that tree now!" Whitlea boomed, Gligar broke sweat while staying stationary under the leaves.

"Okay! Fish it out with Vine Whip!" Whitlea roared. Two slender vines appeared from inside Servine's yellow collar around her neck, and darted toward the tree violently, the vines crept on the inside of the tree's shrouded internal greenery, until they found their target and wrapped themselves around the body of Gligar, this made Whitlea grin, as the vines became locked. "Perfect! Now reel it in!" the FlyScorpion Pokemon resisted, doing everything in its power to free itself from Servine's grip. However it was all futile as the strong vine pulled the Pokemon closer and closer with each second. Axew and Iris simply watched, seeing how quickly the young woman gained control of the situation.

"Now, attack!" The Grass Snake Pokemon let its prey go for a second as it quickly socked the Gligar violently with its lush thin boxing gloves-like vines. Each punch sent the Gligar's face into a fearful frenzy, before Whitlea called for the assault to cease.

"Now, give me back my Poke Balls and you can go!" the Gligar got up to its feet, it wasn't going to let Whitlea get away without a scratch. It spat a spiteful glare at her, opening its mouth and sending a shower of Poison Sting bolting her way.

"Dragon Rage!" Iris's Axew intervened, breaking down the attack before it could hurt Whitlea. "Scratch!" Axew trailed toward the grounded FlyScorpion and clawed away at the Pokemon's face.

"Thanks!" Whitlea said.

"No problem, I owe you."

"Okay, Gligar I tried to give you a chance to return my Poke Balls and leave peacefully," Whitlea said grimly as her voice took on a playfully evil tone. "But, I'm afraid I can't let you go after that...." Whitlea dug in her pocket, slowly pulling out a small sphere and began to approach the FlyScorpion Pokemon. "The best way to make sure you never pull that again....."

"Gliga? Gli? Gliggggar" the Pokemon muttered horrified as Whitlea approached.


------------

Whitlea, Iris, and their Pokemon sat at her campsite that they were at prior to the Gligar encounter. Whitlea had her tent sat out, with a picnic blanket on the ground that she and Iris conversed on.

"Hey, thanks for helping me get my Poke Balls back."

"It's no problem, I mean me and Axew did eat some of your food. Axew noticed your other two Poke Balls in the tree and grabbed them."

"That's nice of Axew, not to mention I got a new member of my team. Right, Gligar?" Whitlea motioned down to the FlyScorpion Pokemon as he pouted on the ground next to Axew who grinned.

"So...Iris where are you on your way to?"

"Well you see, before I met up with you, I was on my way to Undella Town. But, I sorta got lost," Iris admitted.

"You can come with me, I'm heading that way. I'm on business that way, so I say we travel together. I'll be your escort!"

"Business?"

"It's more like a mission though, after all a agent's job is never done. I'm not allowed to tell you."

"Well, okay."

"Buuuuuuuut, since you seem like you're dying to know," Whitlea said hastily. "I'm an agent of the International Police. InterPol for short."

"Woah, really? But, you're so young!" Iris fawned over Whitlea.

"Well, actually I'm more like an agent in-training," she admitted. "I'll be a help to the InterPol someday! But, for now I'm simply a Pokemon Trainer. Buuuuuuut, you can call me 'Agent Whitlea' if you want." she winked.

"I actually met Looker of the International Police," Iris bragged.

"You met Looker?!" Whitlea boomed. "Oh my God! You met Looker in the flesh?!" Whitlea grabbed Iris happily.

"Yep, sure did. He was in Opelucid for a while."

"Oh. My. God. Looker was near Opelucid and I didn't get to meet him!" she whined. "Looker is so cool."

"Yeah, he sure is."

"Iris. Iris. Iris. You don't even know how cool Looker is, as a true fan of Looker, I've done my research and do you know that Looker was one of the people responsible for a crime bust in the Sinnoh Region? Supposedly helping take down an evil crime syndicate? Him and his partner, Croagunk, have battled hard and become quite the dynamic agent duo, they always solve the case. Did you know Looker's case percentage achievement rate is up near seventy-nine percent?! Not only that but, he and his Croagunk have trained just specifically to solve hardcore cases! His Croagunk and him are so cool!" Axew, Iris, and Gligar glared at Whitlea, surprised by her energy as she and Servine both made the same body movements, attempting to emulate the known agent from Sinnoh.

"Haha, well that's good to know." Iris shrugged.

"That's why my Pokemon and I will one day gain fame just like Looker and become strong battlers! But, for now we're just working on little cases." Gligar couldn't help but be annoyed at the dotty attitude by his new "owner". He playfully slapped a small amount of sand in the girl's face, causing her to shake her face in disgust. "What was the Sand-Attack for?!"

"Gli," the Pokemon giggled at his mischievousness.

"Keep that up and you'll be disciplined! I caught you, so I'm responsible for you!" she pointed her finger at the FlyScorpion Pokemon.

"Gligar! Gli!" the Pokemon motioned toward Axew and Iris.

"What?! I could have so done it without their help, if that's what you're implying."

"Gliiiiiiigar," the Pokemon taunted. Iris watched as the two bickered continuously.

"Oh, well at least we have a person to take us to Undella Town. No having to deal with stupid maps," Iris conversed with Axew as Whitlea and Gligar's little scuffle ended.

"Well, who cares? Either way Gligar, you're a case closed!" she returned the Pokemon to its ball.

"It's getting late, and I'm getting tired and hungry. So, I'm calling it a day for now," Whitlea said nonchalantly to Iris. "We'll start fresh tomorrow, we should be able to make it there by then." Whitlea went over to her tent alongside Servine.

"This girl's gonna be a hand full," she sighed.

"But, I bet you and your Pokemon are hungry!" Whitlea came back with a plate full of Berries and various other packaged treats. Axew and Iris's eye gleamed.

"Or...maybe not." Iris giggled.

"Oh, yeah I almost forgot to formally introduce myself, nice to meet you, I'm Hilda Whitlea!"

Sid87
22nd June 2012, 11:26 PM
Chapter 5


"So what does your house look like?" Iris asked curiously as it occurred to her she had never actually seen Drayden's home, always for some reason assuming the Opelucid Gym to be his shelter.

"Axew," the Pokemon added.

"Why don't you wait and see rather than ask?" Drayden said to the curious child,

You used "curious" twice there when I wouldn't have used it either time. The fact that she is asking lets the reader know she is curious.


The flooring certainly didn't look cheap at all as it was simply clean, clear, and beautiful being made out of marvel itself.

Is that supposed to be "marble"?


"It really isn't anything special, simply something to live in," Drayden said uncaring

Another case where it would be better to just leave that out. Say "Drayden said plainly" or "Drayden shrugged as he replied". That lets the reader knows he is indifferent to his own lifestyle without outright SAYING it.


Iris said looking confidently toward Drayden. "You're kinda like someone I would picture as being sort of like a father."

I like that line. It says a lot in a few words.


Drayden couldn't help be happy at both of the young beings' healthy appetites.

Saying "beings" there makes Iris and Axew feel alien. Just say "happy at both their healthy appetites".


"You're his trainer also Iris, it's completely irresponsible to expect a Pokemon to 'work it out himself',

Should be a period after "trainer" and "also" should be capitalized to start the new sentence.


Noticing the ground was slightly charred near the entrance, reminding her of Team Plasma's handy work

Nice detail and a good touch. It should be "handiwork", though. :)


Dragonair laced itself around the young woman happy about the win it earned.

Nice imagery there. Also, I liked the "interview with Claire" angle that is a take-off of the interviews you always see on the TV sets when you playthrough the games.

-Another thing I like is seeing gym trainers actually being strong and kicking trainers' butts. So often they are just used as fodder for another protagonist.


"Your up, Cubchoo!"

*You're


Drayden couldn't help but shake his head at the young woman's newbie choices.

That doesn't sound like something Drayden would say or think. Be careful to stay in character if you are going to give us glimpses into the characters' thoughts.

-It seems weird after what happened in chapter 4 to have had such a breezy, light chapter as this. Are we done with Vierra? Or will she be back? I am sure Team Plasama will. Is there more to Carol than we have seen so far? Why else would she have challenged such a powerful gym with an unworthy team. I want to know more about why she did what she did; hopefully she's not just a one-off character.



All right...chapter 6 is up now, too. I'll get to that later. Whew!

diamondpearl876
23rd June 2012, 12:33 AM
The Tusk Pokemon naturally had become more accustomed to his new main battling environment, thus navigated the aged terrain to the best of his ability.

Would say “thus he navigated” to make it a bit more clear.


"Scratch!" the young Dragon used his speed, which Iris cherished so much, and made a beeline toward the recovering Darumaka, delivering a point blank slashing to the his adversary.
“to his adversary”—you added an extra word in there

I will say though that you do a good job at describing the battles and even simple attacks such as scratch. Nice job.


Axew's body pulsed with a powerful translucent lustrous blue energy, Axew slowly opened his mouth.

When listing adjectives or nouns you should put commas in between the words on the list. So it should be: Axew’s body pulsed with a powerful, translucent, lustrous blue energy…


"The hell?! Is this some type of joke? Nice job wasting my time!" the boy dug through his pocket and pulled out a small object. It was green and gave off a slight sparkle, three green ovals seemed to overlap each other. "You see? I'm no rookie, I have one badge!"

LOL. I wonder how this kid won at all (though Iris is still training) since this is supposed to be the last gym in the circuit.


"This makes me feel better, with Team Plasma running around Unova." he began to walk away, until a voice drew his attention.

Forgot to capitalize “he”


A soothing fluffy noise was heard in a nearby corner, the only person who sat there was a older male dressed in rather casual inexpensive clothing, whose azure innocent eyes sat lazily on his face.

“an older male”

Also like the “azure innocent eyes sat lazily on his face” imagery.


She continued to listen in to the beautiful sound, closing her eyes and taking in each note, trying to get as much out of it as she could.

It seems a bit odd that she’s be taking in the sound as calmly as she is when it reminds her of her terrible past.


"Plus, I'm starting to get hungry." the young girl scanned the area around the trees. "Not one berry in sight either." she gabbed. The sound of a Poke Ball opening in Iris's pocket drew her attention away from her hungry stomach, if only for a second.

Just a couple mistakes here similar to ones I’ve pointed out in the past. There are other instances like this that I didn’t point out so I’d go back and proofread again if you have the time! You’re definitely getting better though.


"Buuuuuuuut, since you seem like you're dying to know," Whitlea said hastily. "I'm an agent of the International Police. InterPol for short."

Lol, she would just tell Iris anyway. Her personality seems very flighty and kind of dumb, and you show this pretty well through her actions and especially the dialogue. I suspect she’ll be around again, considering the amount of time you put into their meeting and her catching a Gligar. Will be looking forward to more, overall it seemed like a good chapter to introduce a character and to fill in the gap between Opelucid and Undella. :)

Sid87
23rd June 2012, 1:58 PM
-I'm still having trouble with narration shifts within even a single segment (in the opening battle scene, we get both Iris and Clyde's inner thoughts, and that's a bit weird to me still). I would try to work on just attaching the narrator to one person per segment, as third-person omniscient is almost never an optimal narration.


the fairly green-clothed delivery man handed Drayden a small brown package.

...how is one "fairly" green-clothed? Seems he is either wearing green or he isn't. :-p


"Yeah, plus they're big and fluffy," Iris described the Angelic Dragon, which caused Drayden to smile weakly at her innocence.

I chuckled. Funny line.

-Incidentally, here's a problem for me: all of the sudden, we are getting an insight into Iris' past as there being some kind of terror or horrific ordeal? Why hasn't that been alluded to before? If it has, it was brief and I just missed it, so I apologize if I did. But with an omniscient narrator, it seems like this would have come up before now. Why so late in the game for this revelation?


"Uh, Axew, that's enoug..." Iris couldn't finish her sentence as Druddigon's laughing continued and Axew continued to look more and more temperamental. Axew hopped up to Druddigon's face and let out a horrific screech which snatched the Cave Pokemon's attention, the Tusk Pokemon gave off a bloodcurdling roar! An unnerving spine-chilling appearance replaced Axew's normal innocent image. Druddigon's laughing ceased and turned into a terrified shriek, Axew continued the wail and look on his face, his tusk almost seemed like butcher knives themselves to the other Dragon. Druddigon only had one way to escape his current situation. The Pokemon turned into a red light and retreated to his Poke Ball. Axew grinned, feeling achieved at scaring off the bigger Pokemon. Iris was puzzled.

"Looks like a classic version of Scary Face if I every saw one."

Oh? I'd have guessed Roar. Huh.


Her feminine face, azure eyes,

You've described a few things as having "azure eyes". At least twice this chapter. Watch out for that.


"Iris. Iris. Iris. You don't even know how cool Looker is, as a true fan of Looker, I've done my research and do you know that Looker was one of the people responsible for a crime bust in the Sinnoh Region? Supposedly helping take down an evil crime syndicate? Him and his partner, Croagunk, have battled hard and become quite the dynamic agent duo, they always solve the case. Did you know Looker's case percentage achievement rate is up near seventy-nine percent?! Not only that but, he and his Croagunk have trained just specifically to solve hardcore cases! His Croagunk and him are so cool!" Axew, Iris, and Gligar glared at Whitlea, surprised by her energy as she and Servine both made the same body movements, attempting to emulate the known agent from Sinnoh.

I got a kick out of this, as well. Nice fangirl type of attitude.

-I'm STILL left wondering what the point of the Vierra scenes and battle were, other than to set up that Team Plasma is up to something. Everything's been so easy-going since then...how much time has passed? It seems everybody's gotten over the ravaging of the city pretty easily.

Chibi Pika
27th June 2012, 6:29 AM
This is a review exchange review.
Fic: The Legendarian Chronicles (www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?543597)

Chapter 1:



"I'm just a girl, chill out!" the young lady said with a clear heavy animosity in her voice lugging the rather medium sized crate.
The way this line is written makes it sound like her voice is lugging the crate. :P I'd suggest a comma after voice.


"We have other things to do you know," he said in a clear spiteful tone as the two kept walking. A small bump on the ground drew Ed's attention.
The dialogue tag in this sentence has the same exact structure as the previous sentence, and the repetition threw off the flow of my reading for a second.

"What a shame..." the man bent over picking up the pink fruit. "You two!" the man boomed in a gruff professional voice that sent shivers down Ed and Molly's spines.
Wait, wait...when you say "the man" I think you're referring to Ed because he's the only one we've been introduced to so far. But then in the next sentence it becomes clear that it is someone yelling at Ed and Molly. Maybe something like: "What a shame," said a man bending over to pick up the pink fruit. It makes it more clear that we do not yet know who this is.

Ed kept a clear face and tried his best to not look nervous, even though it came off as clearly forced, a small bead of sweat leapt off Ed's head.
So far you seem to have a bit of trouble with run-ons. The part of the sentence after the second comma is a complete idea on its own, and should be either split from this sentence or separated by a semicolon.



"No, they came from nature. Never take even the smallest thing for granted, even if it may be a small Pecha Berry. Nature works hard to give us all our food in a way, show the tiniest bit of respect," he answered back. "Good day," Drayden said walking away as the children relaxed themselves a bit.

"God that was stressful, I thought we were going to get chewed out or in trouble or something. Eh, Edmond?"
I like the overall feeling of Drayden's line. Molly's line afterwards gives her a bit of flavor as a character too.

Drayden walked through the door of the Dragon shaped structure.
Not so sure on dragon being capitalized here. Some writers capitalize Pokemon types because they're a formal category, so-to-speak, but here, "dragon" is just being used as a generic noun.

"Keep going!" a tenacious sixteen year-old said to a fourteen year-old adolescent huffing and puffing as sweat poured from his face. "You two have got to pick up the slack!" he said as he and a Flaaffy continued to physical push and rotate a rather large wheel with much might. Opposite the large electricity generating wheel was a small green Pokemon with a youthful Drayden. Deed always liked to have the radio on as he worked, his father's radio he borrowed occasionally.
"Youthful Drayden" feels like kind of a cheap/silly way to introduce the fact that this is taking place in Drayden's past. I would just describe the boy as normal before then going on to refer to his as Drayden, so the reader will still get the idea without the narrative going right out and identifying him as a young Drayden.

"Good work Dray," Deed said as he shook his brother's hand. Deed and Drayden always worked to support their family, doing their part always in an attempt to keep their family stable and healthy. "I'll go get our last assignment, just chill there," he said, scampering off down the metal-covered area, making sure not to get in the way of other workers and Pokemon.
Couple things here."Always" is repeated twice in one sentence, which feels a bit off. A comma is required after "said"--you generally always need a comma if a sentence goes [Noun] [verbed], [verbing] like it does here, if that makes sense. Also a hyphen is needed for compound adjectives like -covered.

Reloading the two young men with two new cylinder shaped wood pieces.
This here is a fragment. I'm not sure what the best way to reword it would be, however.

The large brown furry canine Pokemon growled as its fangs shook viciously the Pokemon came charging toward the crowd, the people panicked as the Pokemon barely missed them, hitting a light pole.
We already know that it's large, brown, furry, and a dog Pokemon from the previous sentence. No need to repeat the long adjective chain here. it would work fine just as "the canine growled."

A child looked on from the ground in utter shock as it was about to fall on her. This truly was a gruesome sight.
Tacking that sentence on the end doesn't really strengthen the tone of the scene, it just makes it feel like the narrative wants to tell us it is being dramatic.

Its large axe shaped and fined tusk making it look threatening, with its long tail and bulging muscles in its body pumping. Its height truly being something threatening alongside its sharp claws and teeth and the very exterior, tone, and look of the Pokemon showed it truly had been put through slavery over the years.
Most of these are fragments. If the main verb of a sentence ends in "-ing" it isn't a complete thought, and has to rely on another part of the sentence. Also, referring to it as slavery seems a bit harsh, unless that's the angle on Pokemon training that you're going for in this fic.

"If you don't have full control of it, keep it in a Poke Ball," he said bluntly to the young woman as he handed her the Pokeball.
Try to be consistent with spellings and spacing--decide on how you want "Poke Ball" to be written and stick with it.

Overall advice I have to give is watch out for using too many adjectives all in a row. Keep an eye out for sentences getting too long and frequently run-on. Your descriptions sometimes tend to wander, and their purpose toward the scene isn't always readily apparent.

I like the idea of expanding on game characters, and going into more detail as to how and why they think the way they do. The story of how Iris came to be Gym Leader certainly has the potential to be interesting, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you handle her interactions with Drayden, since I imagine those two could play off each other nicely.


Chapter 2:


"Digon, Digon," the Pokemon slightly embarrassed while blushing pretended not to care as he stared on into the rest of the lush green forested area, listening as he seemed to hear a small explosion as Iris picked more Orans, the sound intensified more and more as they both got quieter.


Whoa, that sentence is waaayy too long. And we've got a line from Druddigon, but no dialogue verb (said, replied, ect). I'd reword it to be something more along the lines of: Digon, Digon," the Pokemon replied, blushing slightly with embarrassment while pretending not to care as he stared on into the rest of the lush green forested area. A small explosion seemed to reach his ears as Iris picked more Orans; the sound intensified more and more, causing the two of them to quiet.


"So, where are your family right now?" Drayden said as he returned Fraxure to its Poke Ball, making Druddigon a little less nervous.
It feels kind of odd just having the narration tell us Druddigon became less nervous at this. Maybe if it just noted that Druddigon relaxed a bit, or let some of the tension go from its muscles.

"Okay, well thank you young miss," Drayden said to the girl clearly thinking she was simply playing as children often would. His eyes turned away from Druddigon swiftly and became lined against a small figure, hanging from what seemed to be a very large tree. Iris took noticed to Drayden's look and stare.

"What are you looking at, sir?" Iris asked curiously.

"Nothing, I was just hoping it would possibly survive," Drayden said pointing toward the large tree. A very tiny green figure climbed and scaled branches with ease, it slowly moved on a much slender branch in an attempt to grab a loose Pecha Berry hanging at the very end. Unknown to the Axew, below it stood a wild Druddigon. Looking very angry and very violent. Looking especially hungry, starring daggers at the Axew. "Of course if it survives the fall, I'm not sure what it would do about that Druddigon."

"Oh, no," Iris said quietly, eyes captured in utter suspense.
This passage feels too matter-of-fact. Of course, it quickly turns into a tense, desperate situation once Iris leaps into action, but as it's described here, there's no real tone, and could really do with more emotion from the characters, as well as the narration.


A crunching noise drew Iris's attention, the sound of bark splitting in half. Iris looked over worried, she slowly edged her way to the Axew, each edging the bark would crack a little more, it was like nails on a chalkboard to Iris's ears. She could only continue forward and hope for the best. In a split second however the limb was broken off.
This paragraph in particular has a few issues. The comma in the first sentence ouught to be a color or a dash or something to set aside the following phrase as being directly related to the first. The second sentence is run-on, and should be split into two.

"Thank you, Axew," The Pokemon still continued to look at Iris, the girl who he only knew for saving his life. "Druddigon can you get that pouch. I picked the perfect Berry to deal with paralysis. Let's fix up Fraxure and that man," Iris said cheerfully.
I quite like this line as the conclusion of that scene. Her bright tone and completely straightforward manner of having just saved Drayden and then proceeding to heal him and his Pokemon.


Chapter 3:


"Calm down everyone!" Drayden commanded silence. "Team Plasma at the moment are being treated like a protest group. We don't have confirmation on any of Team Plasma's actions and whether they are factual or fictional. They are very much free to continue what they do, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. They have rights and opinions that we must respect, however if anyone sees Team Plasma committing any of these supposed actions I ask you report it with the utmost importance," Drayden negotiated. "What are your thoughts on this Clay?"
I like the way you set up the courtroom with everyone debating about how much is known about Plasma before having Drayden lay things down in a reasonable manner. Also it's neat to see Clay in the scene, and his personality comes through very strong.

His gym soon came into view, he grabbed his jangling keys out of his pocket opening the gym's doors. Drayden walked around the gym, he was never ceased at how nostalgic his gym was. The worn out battlefield gave image to just how many battles had been had there, despite the field being built specifically for Pokemon battles. The most prominent decoration of Drayden's gym were defiantly the many Dragon statues that stood tall in few areas in the gym, the most noticeable was surely the long serpent that trailed around the gym in one complete rotation. His Opelucid Gym was one of the main reasons Opelucid became so popular for trainers, grown and fined until it truly was developed into not just a city, but a historic treasurous place for many.
First of all, the bolded "were" should be "was" because it reads as "decoration was" and defiantly should be definitely (I type that wrong all the time.) Secondly, sentence two and four are run-on, simply because they basically consist of two sentences put together. Also "treasurous" isn't a word, and ought to be "treacherous."

Iris's interactions with Clay were amusing to read. x3

She was met with a clash of force and pressure between Drayden and a challenger.
It occurred to me here that it'd be cool to see Iris react to this. Either jumping back in surprise, or maybe even the opposite--being completely unfazed by such a huge clash. Depending on how you want to characterize her (although I think right now she's meant to come off as more young/cheerful/naive than she would be once she becomes an ace trainer/gym leader.)

"Heat Wave!" Vierra commanded a large red Pokemon with a long snout, its predator eyes leering down Fraxure maliciously. Heatmor began to look on menacingly its mouth conjuring up a large ripple of fire mixed air, that was blasted at Fraxure, striking the Pokemon right on his red-dotted chest.
Couple things here. "Predator" feels like it would flow better as an adjective (so, "predatory") and the comma after air is unnecessary (commas are generally not needed before phrases that start with "that".)

"Well, yeah, Druddigon is my only Pokemon. I love him a lot though," Drayden continued to lecture Iris with questions, trying to find out more and more about the girl who could supposedly understand the hearts of Dragons and his new apprentice.
This is an example of something I've seen you do a couple times. You don't need to end dialogue with a comma when the following bit of text is not a dialogue tag like he/she/it said/asked/yelled/ect. And actually, since the subject of the following sentence is Drayden, but the previous line was said by Iris, I would go ahead and move it to a new paragraph, since it implies a passing of time as he's interviewing her.


"Don't expect for me to go easy on you just because we're friends," Iris roared.
I have a hard time imagining Iris roaring. Even if she's using a loud, tough, belligerent voice, it just wouldn't sound like a roar, imo. Don't be afraid to use generic dialogue verbs. You can use little bits of description to color how people are saying things.

It was interesting to see Iris's reaction to being in a situation where she didn't know what to do or how to react.

"Well she is under your mentorship...." Vierra said sharply. "Too bad...I don't think she'll get far though."

"Why?" Drayden said sipping the lemonade.

"Because..Opelucid belongs to Team Plasma now," Drayden's eyes slammed shut as he fell out, dropping the lemonade on the ground.
Heh, cliffhanger time. I kind of suspected there was something up with that girl.


I didn't quote all of the grammatical hiccups, but there were definitely less of them in this chapter as compared to the previous ones. You still have a lot of run-on sentences throughout. If a sentence has a subject and a verb in a complete thought, you can't have another one in the same sentence without a semicolon or a comma+ conjunction (and, but, for, ect...)

Your character interactions have charm and are the main reason for someone to read, so be sure to use that strength. And as of this chapter we've got some antagonists and the start of the fic's conflict--that's always nice. I sense the plot is about to heat up.

This review is getting to be quite long, so I'll end it here, but rest assured I will review up to your most recent chapter soon enough. :)

~Chibi~;249;;448;

Edit: Oh, hey--I didn't even see the thread where you said you were tempted to start over. If you do, all the more power to ya. Starting a fic over can sometimes be really helpful. I'll be sure to stop by your new thread if/when you do.