View Full Version : Titans of Kanto

18th June 2012, 10:39 PM
So after almost a two-year long hiatus (College will do that) I've returned to the world of fan fiction. I can honestly say I haven't been this excited to write in a long time. This is a journey/OT fic of sorts so if you're violently opposed to that I apologize! Hopefully you guys enjoy my fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it! I'll be starting a PM list so let me know if you're interested. I'm also going to say this PG-15 just to be safe (violence, suggestive themes).

PM List:
Ninja Bulbasaur;

And without further ado...

Titans of Kanto


Ch.1) A Less Than Stellar Start

Jack’s alarm on his phone went off for the fourth time that morning. Naturally, he hit snooze again.

“I can afford ten more minutes.” He thought to himself before rolling over, face-first, into his pillow.

No, Jack wasn’t pulling the stereotypical “new-trainer-sleeps-through-his-first-morning-of-being-a-Pokémon-trainer” routine. In fact, Jack had been rather diligent and responsible on his first day, showing up three hours too early.

In actuality, Jack had only set his alarm to keep on his Dad’s good side. His Dad was a teacher at the Pokémon academy in Viridian City and was out for summer break. During the school year, it was a rarity for Jack to be up and out of bed even a second before noon. However, with his Dad home he felt obligated to be out of bed at a semi-decent hour.

His alarm went off again. Jack rolled over onto his back and checked his phone’s display for the time. 10:30.

“Guess it’s that time, huh?” Jack looked down at the little orange lizard sitting at his feet. The Charmander smiled a pointy toothed grin and twitched his flamed-tipped tail. There’s no telling how long the fire Pokémon had been awake, waiting for its trainer to finish his daily battle with the snooze button.

Jack got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. His thick black hair was unkempt as always, sticking out at every possible angle. The 5 o’clock shadow on his face further added to his general disheveled look. The only part about him that hinted that he might actually care about his appearance was his slender, runner’s build. While Jack never had a knack for the so-called “spectator-sports”, he was always a good runner which kept him in fairly good shape. He pulled an orange v-neck on over the gym shorts he had slept in the night before and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

Along the way, he passed his Dad who was watching the daily news in the living room. Jack’s good-morning was greeted by a non-committal grunt. His parents’ frustration with his latency was becoming glaringly obvious, particularly his Dad’s. Jack was 20 after all and still hadn’t left home. His Dad had gotten sick just before he was set to go on his Pokémon journey at ten years of age and Jack used that as an excuse to not leave Pallet Town. He had since made a full recovery but Jack had always found a reason not to continue with his journey. He had been free-riding on his parents ever since.

Jack looked around the kitchen. His Mom had left for work without making any sort of breakfast. Perhaps this was a hint. He opened up the refrigerator and squinted into the light. Charmander came up behind up and peeked into the refrigerator from between his legs.

“Well we’ve got some slim pickings today, buddy…” Jack reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a cold pork chop. He gave the left-overs to his companion and then pulled out a gallon of milk, drinking directly from the container. He wiped the milk from his upper lip, replaced the jug, and closed the door. He looked down at his Charmander who had just finished eating and was now inspecting the vent at the bottom of the refrigerator. Despite his lack of aspiration as a trainer, he loved his Charmander dearly. Charmander and Jack were best friends. Like Jack, Charmander had grown content with their life of mediocrity and didn’t resent his trainer for not pushing him. It was probably a good thing as Jack hadn’t battled a Pokémon with Charmander in years.

“I’m going into Viridian today,” Jack’s Dad said as he came into the kitchen, snapping Jack out of his reverie. Jack’s Dad was a tall man with broad shoulders and white hair. His green eyes studied Jack disapprovingly. “I don’t know if you needed anything.”

“Nah…I think me and Charmander are just going to hang around today.” Charmander beamed at Jack. He loved lazy days. Most of Jack’s days were lazy days.

His Dad became irritated and with an exasperated sigh said “Are you planning on getting a new job anytime soon?”

Jack had formerly worked as the announcer at the Viridian City gym before being laid off when the gym closed. His parents’ impatience had picked up considerably now that he was unemployed.

‘I’ll get one eventually, Dad. Come on, Charmander.” Jack didn’t want to look at his Dad anymore. He knew he was letting him down. After he backed out of his trainer journey, he had enrolled in his Dad’s school and gotten nearly perfect marks. He graduated with honors and appeared to be on the fast track to becoming a stellar trainer. Instead, he opted for a brief stint as Professor Oak’s lab aide. Just one of his many excuses for not leaving home. Needless to say, he had never lived up to his potential.

“Son, you’ve got to do something with your life eventually.”

Rather than acknowledge his Dad’s pointed advice, Jack walked out of the front door with Charmander following at his heels. “Some fresh air would do me some good,” He thought to himself.

As he walked down his driveway he could see some new trainers leaving Professor Oak’s lab. Undoubtedly, they had just received their first Pokémon and were on the verge of starting their respective journeys as trainers. Jack smiled to himself, thinking fondly of his first day with Charmander. They had spent the entire day fighting wild Pidgey and Rattata until the sun finally set.

Suddenly, one of the new trainers came up to him with a brand new red and white Pokéball in his hand and a hungry look in his eye.

“I’ve got a Charmander too! Let’s battle!” Without waiting for a reply, the kid threw his Pokéball on the ground and in a flash of white light, a Charmander exactly like Jack’s erupted onto the grass. “C’mon Scorch! Let’s show this guy what we’ve got!”

Being somewhat of a veteran trainer, Jack wasn’t looking to demoralize a young trainer on the first day of his journey. After all, he had been with Charmander for over ten years. They had conquered the trainers’ school together. It wouldn’t be fair to the new trainer, no matter how naďve and cocky he may have been so far. “I don’t think it would be fair to you to battle me at this point. I’m pretty experienced, kid.”

“Oh come on! It’s Charmander versus Charmander! It’s fair!”

“You have a lot to learn. My Charmander is pretty experienced. You’re still a brand new trainer. Go train up a bit and then I’ll be glad to battle you!” Jack hoped this would diffuse the situation. It didn’t. Instead of taking up Jack’s offer of a future battle, the kid instead switched his focus to Jack’s Charmander.

“Scorch! Use Scratch!” The kid’s Charmander took off at a sprint at Jack’s Charmander. Scorch jumped into the air, claws raised, ready to rake them along Jack’s Charmander unprotected body. However, Jack’s Charmander’s experience came into play and the tiny orange lizard deftly rolled out of the way, finishing smoothly on his feet, ready to return an attack.

“Alright, well I guess our hand has been forced,” Jack thought to himself. “Charmander! Use Fire Fang!”

Jack’s Charmander took off at Scorch. As he opened his mouth prepared to bite, flames flared around his fangs. Scorch attempted a dodge but couldn’t quite avoid the attack. Charmander bit into Scorch’s unprotected side, causing the young Charmander to cry out in pain. Scorch was hurt but not out of the battle yet.

“Scorch! We can’t take another hit like that! Keep him at bay with Growl!” Scorch let out the most ferocious possible growl that could come from such a small fire type. Jack’s Charmander receded slightly. “Good! Now use Scratch again!”

Scorch swiped at Charmander’s face again. Charmander ducked under the claws but not quite as smoothly as his first dodge. The attack passed overhead and Charmander stumbled before regaining his footing. Jack’s Charmander was already becoming winded from the battle.

“Hang in there, buddy. I know it’s been a while!” Jack’s Charmander nodded at him but he couldn’t mask the fatigue in his eyes. “Use Ember!”

Charmander grabbed his tail and blew into the flames sending tiny plumes of fire flying into Scorch’s direction. This time, however, Scorch was fast enough to dodge Charmander’s attack. Scorch quickly sidestepped the flames and without taking direction from his trainer jumped in the air to attack Charmander.

“Charmander! You’re gonna have to dodge this one!” Scorch’s claws had begun glowing and his entire paw had turned silver. Unfortunately for Jack, Charmander didn’t have the energy to duck this time. The fire-type took the full brunt of Scorch’s attack and fell to the ground unconscious.

“No way! You learned Metal Claw, Scorch? That’s awesome!” The boy ran up and hugged his victorious Pokémon while Jack watched in slight shock. “I win!”

Jack couldn’t believe he had lost. Jack pointed a Pokéball at his defeated Charmander. A red beam of light came from the Pokéball, engulfed Charmander and sucked it back into the Pokéball.

“Good battle. You’re really talented for someone as young as yourself.” Jack extended a hand to the boy. If he was going to lose, he might as well lose graciously.

“It was mostly Scorch,” The boy shrugged and returned Scorch, not fully able to hide his excitement at winning. “My name is Colin, by the way.”

“It’s good to meet you, Colin. I expect to see you doing big things down the road.” And with that, Colin was on his way. There was no telling what adventures he would face. As for Jack, he was still facing mediocrity. He couldn’t help but be envious of Colin. Colin had the entire world in front of him, ready to be seized. Meanwhile, even Jack’s Charmander had sunk to a level of sub-par.

“This isn’t right…” Jack looked off to the southern horizon at the huge expanse of sea that separated Pallet Town and Cinnabar Island to the south. He realized he wasn’t happy with his lot in life. Mediocrity was easy but not rewarding. He owed it to himself, his Pokémon, and his parents to make something of himself. It was time. In the morning, he would finally leave Pallet and live up to his potential.

18th June 2012, 10:48 PM
Nice. I never, EVER read fanfics, but I saw this pop up in New Posts and gave it a read. Really stellar start. Look forward to the rest.

20th June 2012, 1:52 PM
Thanks Moog! I'll have a PM list (as does every fic) for anyone who's interested. I'm also going to try to update every Monday. That gives me the weekend to fully revise and edit

20th June 2012, 7:55 PM
Do you mind if I request to be added to the PM list? Thanks! :D

30th June 2012, 7:39 AM
Ch. 2) The First Addition

It was only natural that the deepest chamber of the Seafoam Islands was this wet. A loan figure, guided only by a solitary flashlight, was walking down a desolate stone hallway. His features were difficult to distinguish, as he was wearing what appeared to be a black cloak which concealed the majority of his face, save for his ice blue eyes. He looked down at the cave floor, taking careful note not to accidently step into one of the many pools of water that had been created due to runoff from the cave walls. Suddenly, the hallway appeared to come to a dead end.

“Hmmmm…” The man ran a slender, pale hand along the wall. His fingertips gingerly ran over every bump and crevice before coming to a stop over a large rounded outcropping. The man placed his palm over the outcropping and smiled slightly to himself. “Perfect…”

With a surprising amount of strength, the man closed his fist around the outcropping, shattering it. In its place was a glowing green spike.

“Such a juvenile measure.” The man looked knowingly at the spike and then rammed his palm into it, causing the spike to rip through the back of his hand. Blood gushed from his palm, coating the spike. The man gave a small grimace which quickly faded to a dark smile as the spike began to glow bright white. Suddenly, the wall around the spike melted away revealing a glowing blue antechamber.

The man looked down at his hand, which was now unscathed, showing no indication of the spike that had been ran through it not thirty seconds earlier.

“This is indeed some mysterious magic…” he said as he looked at his white palm and knuckles, unmarred.

The man proceeded into the chamber, looking at the massive glowing blue crystals which covered the room. The water runoff which had been so prevalent in the previous chamber was gone now. Frankly, there didn’t appear to be anything in this chamber. Aside from the blue crystals, the circular room was completely empty. The man frowned and pulled what appeared to be an ancient piece of paper from within his cloak.

“This can’t be right…” His blue eyes ran over the yellowed parchment, searching for answers. It was an overhead map of the crystal chamber, showing a circular room with a raised pedestal in the center of the room. Along the edges of the map was some sort of archaic writing. For whatever reason, the room was now missing the center platform that the map so clearly showed.

The man tucked the map back underneath his cloak and walked into the center of the room where the pedestal should have been. His soft footfalls didn’t even echo as he reached the center of the chamber. Finally he came to a stop and looked around the room carefully. Without warning, a red force field erupted from the ground and launched the man a clean ten feet before he slammed into the chamber floor. From within the field, the pedestal rose from below the ground with a dark black stone resting at its top. The force field rose to reach the ceiling and runes that looked exactly like the lettering on the man’s map appeared in the force field itself almost like a warning sign.

The man’s eyes flicked to the symbols, as his lips moved while reading them.

“Now this is more like it.” The man pulled a necklace from underneath his cloak and held it between his fingers. Attached to the string was a small silver socket inlaid with a glowing turquoise crystal. The man touched the crystal to the force field. The red field began to surround the crystal and then worked its way up the man’s arm before enveloping his hooded body. With a satisfied the smile, the man threw the crystal to the ground, its function now apparently unnecessary.

“I never thought I would actually see the Primeval Stone with my own two eyes.” The man said as he strode forward and attempted to grab the black stone. As he got within reaching distance, however, the stone lit up with blood red energy. The energy pulsed through every crack and flaw on the stone’s surface and a violent screeching filled the chamber.

The man quietly answered the noise with his own sentiment of “This can’t be good…” before attempting to back pedal. Before he could put any distance between himself and the stone, however, black energy strands erupted from the floor of the chamber. They looked almost like a demonic Octillery’s tentacles. The tentacles then wound their way around the man, creating a pitch-black cocoon around him.

The man’s first instinct was to lash out and attempt to break out of his black energy prison. Surprisingly, he found that as he kicked and punched, the energy moved with him. It was a dynamic prison that didn’t appear to have any set boundaries. With this in mind, the man took a knife off of his belt and slashed forward in hopes of cutting himself free. This was a mistake.

The instant the man’s knife made contact with the cocoon, the black energy took on a different tone. Malevolent sparks began to course over the cocoon’s surface. A tentacle erupted from within and wrapped its way around the man’s neck. When he opened his mouth because of the potential asphyxiation, a second tentacle shot down his mouth. The man could feel the life being sucked from him.

In a last ditch effort to free himself, he grabbed one of his six Pokéballs from within his cloak, and pressed the release button in the middle of the sphere. For a split second he saw the explosion of white light and then everything changed. The black energy instantly became one single tentacle, causing the man to crash to the cave floor. Before the man’s Pinsir could emerge from the Pokéball, the tentacle shot into the Pokéball, seeming to devour the white light and slamming the Pokéball shut behind it. The Pokéball shook a few times like the man had just caught a new Pokémon and then came to be eerily still and quiet.

The man remained on all fours, panting from the near death experience. Just across the chamber from him, the force field and the pedestal had disappeared. All that was the left was the Primeval Stone lying on the chamber floor. It was now quiet and unassuming. It just looked like a rather large chunk of charcoal. Boring and black. The man strode over, this time with an air of caution, and picked up the stone. Once he had it in his hands, a look of both relief and triumph crossed his face. The man then produced a small canvas bag from under his coat. He dropped the stone into it and then cinched the bag tight.

With his treasure in hand, the man strode back over to his Pokéball and picked it up. The Pokéball was radiating cold energy. The man looked at the Pokéball with a sense of knowing.

“So you must be the first Primeval…”


Jack stood out in front of his modest house in Pallet Town facing his two parents. For the first time in several years, they looked proud of him. His Mom had already shared a tear-filled goodbye with him. Despite her misgivings about Jack lingering around the house instead of doing things with his life, she would miss her son. His Dad was taking longer to find the words.

“Son…I don’t really know how to say this…I’m really…”, his Dad stopped and sighed then looked at Jack with resigned happiness in his eyes. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I’m proud of you.”

Jack gave a crooked smile and hugged his Dad. There was no telling how long it would be until he saw his parents again. But for now, all the words had been said, all the tears had been shed, and now it was time to go. Jack gave his parents one last “I love you” and then left, taking the one dusty road out of town toward Route 1.

He looked around at all the quaint houses and the low reaching trees. He was going to miss the town. After all, it had been his home for twenty years. As he looked ahead and saw the thick grasses, however, he knew his destiny was elsewhere.

Jack pulled his Pokédex out of the cargo pocket on his shorts. He had obtained this valuable piece of technology from Professor Oak when he first started his journey. As a result he had an incredibly outdated model. He knew sleeker, more advanced versions had been released but his was still the original red rectangle which largely resembled a Gameboy with a large green sensor in the upper right hand corner. Although it had only catalogued information on his Charmander, he was immensely grateful that he hadn’t lost it. He was already so behind the curve as is, every bit of information that the Pokédex could offer would be indispensable. Suddenly, the Pokédex came to life.

“Rattata. The Mouse Pokémon. Rattata is cautious in the extreme. Even while it is asleep, it constantly listens by moving its ears around. It is not picky about where it lives - it will make its nest anywhere.”

Jack looked down and saw what the Pokédex was talking about. In front of him was a small purple mouse Pokémon. It had a white underbelly, complete with a curled tail. It did not look like a menacing Pokémon, however. It was cautiously studying Jack. It cocked its head slightly to this side and twitched its whiskers.

Jack put the Pokédex away and slowly pulled a Pokéball off of his belt so as to not scare this Pokémon away. Jack then quickly flung the Pokéball at the Rattata. The Pokémon was too quick and jumped away from him.


Jack’s shout scared the Rattata and it took off running. Jack was determined though so he scooped up his Pokéball and took off after the mouse Pokémon. As he was running he released his Charmander to aide in catching the Rattata.

“Come on Charmander! Cut him off with an ember!”

Charmander shot a tiny plume of fire from its mouth but didn’t judge the mouse Pokémon’s movement correctly and shot behind it. The tiny orange lizard got frustrated and fired again. This time he over shot the Rattata and diverted it left. Jack took this opportunity to cut the mouse off, locking it in between himself and his Charmander. The Rattata growled at Jake but then turned to face his Charmander. Apparently, the mouse Pokémon felt that he had a better shot of getting past the little fire type than a trainer.

“Charmander! Use Metal Claw!” Charmander’s claws glossed over with a silver sheen and it swung at Rattata. Rattata jumped backwards, taking the blow just off the forehead. Rattata attempted a tackle and missed as Charmander deflected the attack by parrying with his tail.

“Nice defensive move! Now use Fire Fang!”

Charmander’s mouth filled with flame as it bit down hard on Rattata’s tail while the mouse attempted to flee. The Rattata's fur was left singed, indicating that Charmander had left a lasting burn. Rattata was just hanging on to consciousness.

Jack took this opportunity to pull a Pokéball back off his belt and flung it at Rattata. This time there was no dodge. The Pokéball collided with Rattata and in a flash of white light, sucked up the mouse Pokémon.

The ball rocked once, twice, and then…PING!

The Rattata was captured.

“AWESOME! My first Pokémon!” Charmander looked angrily at Jack. “You know what I meant.”

With that, Jack returned his still slightly offended Charmander and held both Pokéballs in each hand. He was only a matter of hours into his journey and was already off to a great start. This was truly the start of something big.

30th June 2012, 4:24 PM
This is really cool. I'm really digging the idea of the story and can't wait for the next chapter. Could you add me to the pm list?

1st July 2012, 1:14 AM
I'm really enjoying this so far. Kudos for making Jack so relatable and realistic I'm really looking forwards to the next chapter and please could you put me on the PM list.

1st July 2012, 9:51 PM
Thanks for the positive reviews Codeepfly and DMerle. You've both been added to the PM list and I hope you continue reading

6th July 2012, 1:53 AM
So when is the next installment coming . I'm just excited for it!

9th July 2012, 8:41 PM
Ch. 3) Blind Luck

The Pidgey careened into the grass and struggled back to its feet.

“Alright, good Rattata! Now finish it with Hyper Fang!”

Jack’s Rattata jumped into the air and then brought its sharp front teeth down into Pidgey’s vulnerable side. The Pidgey collapsed, eyes spinning.

“Awesome job! I think that’s about enough training for now, though!” Jack returned his mouse Pokémon to its Pokéball and continued up the road. As he walked, his stomach began to growl. He realized he hadn’t eaten all day. Jack walked over to a large oak tree and rolled a mat out underneath it.

“Come on out you two!” Jack pressed the button on his two occupied Pokéballs and in an explosion of white light his Charmander and Rattata appeared on the grass in front of their trainer. Jack plucked a handful of berries from a nearby bush and handed them to his Pokémon. Both ate eagerly.

Jack looked north to what he assumed could only be Viridian City. Dusk was beginning to set in. It could potentially be a long journey so perhaps it would be better if he stopped for the night. He looked down at his two Pokémon who were preoccupied with playing with another. Charmander was swinging his tail through the air, sending small sparks at Rattata. Rattata was eagerly dodging the small sparks, chirping happily as the grass harmlessly singed around its white feet.

Jack rolled out a black sleeping bag and returned his two Pokémon for the night. He needed to get some sleep before the big day tomorrow. He crossed his two hands behind his head and laid back, watching the stars begin to creep out. The last thought he had before falling off to sleep was how close the clouds seemed to be…


Jack found himself walking down a golden pathway in the sky. A large circular fountain lay at the end of the pathway with glorious cerulean waters cascading and dancing from its golden fixture. Jack wasn’t sure why but for some reason he knew it was imperative that he get to that fountain. As he approached the fountain, the sky became brighter and brighter, eventually growing to a near blinding white light once he finally reached the fountain itself.

Standing at the fountain were two dominating figures, one male and one female. They didn’t appear to be fully human, however. They were both roughly eight feet tall. Their clothing looked like a cloak made of golden machinery. There was pulsating blue energy coming from every crease and fold of their cloaks. They each had large headdresses, with an arc of spikes fanning out from the crown of their head culminating in the nape of their neck. Their skin was silver but unlike their robes did not appear to be machine based. Both looked at Jack fondly.

“We’ve been expecting you, Aesgar” said the woman and she reached out a silvery hand to touch Jack on the chest, just over his heart. Before it could make contact, however, the woman appeared to turn to solid stone. Jack worriedly looked at the man and he too had turned to stone. Jack didn’t know why but he started to panic. The woman’s extended finger began to chip and crumble away to dust like a burnt tree branch. As the two people became dust, the sky too melted into a blood red dusk. Jack was starting to feel sick.

Suddenly, Jack found himself on warm rocks and there in front of him was a monstrosity. It was a man with pale skin, racked with scars. He was bald but had ice blue eyes. His lower body was that of an emerald green snake Pokémon and his tail was whipping violently through the air. His mouth was agape in a hideous snarl and a pointed tongue thrashed about. His muscles pulsated underneath his skin and his eyes glowed with a sinister yellow.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Sky Puppet!” The serpent-man hissed as he lunged for Jack. Jack backpedaled and fell backwards over a small stone outcropping skidding just at the edge of a bubbling pool of lava behind him. The monster thrashed back around to face Jack, its tail pulverizing nearby rocks to dust. Jack attempted to get back to his feet but found his body glued to the ground. The monster opened its mouth and a bright gold beam of light stretched between its teeth. With a bellow, the man released the beam of light at Jack.

Jack was only dimly aware that he was screaming when he awoke.


By the next morning, Jack had all but forgotten about his nightmare and was now happily trudging through the wilderness toward Viridian City with Charmander skipping along at his side. Jack was just about to turn onto the main road that led directly into the city when he noticed a large clearing immediately to his right.

“Come on Charmander! Let’s go check it out!” Eager as always, Charmander ran ahead of Jack into the clearing. As Jack chased after him he caught sight of numerous brown and white Pokémon flitting in and around the trees at the edge of the clearing. They appeared to be small foxes with the majority of their bodies covered in brown fur and a white tipped bushy tail. Jack pulled out his Pokédex and scanned the playful Pokémon.

“Eevee. The Evolution Pokémon. Its ability to evolve into many forms allows it to adapt smoothly and perfectly to any environment.”

Awesome!” Jack said as he pocketed the Pokédex. “You’ll make an excellent addition to my team!”

Not wanting to scare off the tiny Pokémon, Jack silently pulled a Pokéball off of his belt and held it in his hand. Suddenly he saw one small Eevee with beautiful silvery-white fur separate itself from the rest of its pack.

“So that must be what a shiny Pokémon looks like…” Jack thought to himself. Something inside him was screaming that this was the Eevee to go after. He gauged the distance, reared back, threw, and…

PHOOSH! A huge arc of fire ripped through the air sending Jack’s Pokéball flying away from Eevee before landing harmlessly in the grass nearby. With all the commotion going on around them, the Eevee vanished into the woods. Jack had missed his shot at his rare Eevee. Jack wheeled to look at the source of the flames.

His eyes landed upon a tall man with stark white hair that fell neatly around his forehead and ears. He was wearing thick black glasses and a bright blue button up shirt with a pair of thick khaki shorts. At his side was a small black dog Pokémon with a skull on its forehead. Jack pulled the Pokédex back out.

“Houndour. The Dark Pokémon. Houndour hunt as a coordinated pack. They communicate with each other using a variety of cries to corner their prey. This Pokémon's remarkable teamwork is unparalleled.”

Satisfied with logging the Pokémon’s data in his Pokédex, Jack walked over to the man and said with a hint of frustration in his voice, “Why did you knock my Pokéball away?”

The man smiled but did not tilt his head to meet Jack’s eyes. “Well that was for your own good.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you see, those particular Eevee are a protected group. They’re one of the few wild groups of Eevee in all of Kanto. Twenty years ago, the breed was almost nonexistent. I come and check on them occasionally. With Houndour’s help, of course.” The man affectionately stroked the Pokémon’s black ears. It was then that Jack noticed the man was using a cane and came to a realization. The man was blind.

“So…I’m honestly not trying to be rude when I say this…but how do you manage to travel around if you’re blind?” Jack sheepishly looked at the ground afraid of the man’s answer. Instead he was greeted with laughter.

“Well, to be honest with you, in my younger days, I didn’t get around much. I was so angry at the world for taking away my vision that I stayed in my hometown of Vermillion City and didn’t ever leave. Once I reached my thirties, however, I became tired of being latent. I wanted to return to studying ancient Pokémon history so I had a close friend catch me this Houndour. These Pokémon are quite literally the perfect companion for me. They are loyal, highly adept at communication, and incredibly protective. I’ve been traveling Kanto ever since.”

Jack couldn’t help but admire the man. Like Jack he had also given up on a Pokémon journey but unlike Jack he had overcome insurmountable odds to get to this point.

“That’s incredible!” Jack grasped the man’s hand and shook it firmly. “My name’s Jack, by the way!”

“Nice to meet you Jack! I’m Maxwell.” The man smiled and then stroked his Houndour’s jet-black coat. “Y’know…as good of a companion as Houndour may be, I could desperately use a human traveling partner if I want to fully explore the history of our world. If it wouldn’t put you out, would you mind letting me tag along? At least until we reach Pewter City?”

Jack, for the majority of his life, had been happier doing things on his own. He was social but preferred to have his own space. However, something drew Jack to Maxwell. Perhaps it was that they had both become inexplicably latent. Maybe it was the inner strength that Maxwell exuded. Either way, Jack knew he wanted Maxwell to come along.

“Absolutely! It’d be awesome to have some company!” and with that, Jack and Maxwell left the thicket and headed back toward the main road.

Along the way, Jack began to see how Maxwell and Houndour worked in tandem. Maxwell would move the cane along the road’s bumpy service while Houndour trotted two steps in front of him. What Maxwell’s cane didn’t catch, Houndour would and would then relay that information back to its trainer with various cries. Maxwell seemed to have pretty well mastered the art of navigating in the dark.

After roughly an hour of travel, Maxwell and Jack finally reached the Viridian City limits and, consequently, the Pokémon Center. Both trainers needed to heal their Pokémon and since it was getting dark out both opted to spend the night in the Pokécenter.

As the two sliding glass doors parted for the two trainers, Jack got his first look at the insides of the Pokécenter. Inside there was a bright red counter in which a pretty nurse with pink hair stood operating a glowing machine with six Pokéball slots. Just to Jack’s left was a full cafeteria complete with tables which were jam packed full of trainers. To his right was a staircase which ascended to what Jack could only assume were a series of rooms reserved for trainers.

Jack and Maxwell approached the nurse and handed over their Pokéballs. The nurse placed Jack’s two Pokéballs on a tray and placed Maxwell’s three on another tray.

“They’ll be ready in about an hour” the Nurse said and with that moved on to the next trainers in line.

“Do you wanna go sit down?” Jack asked Maxwell. “Since we’re waiting, we might as well eat.”

Maxwell nodded and he and Jack made their way over to the tables albeit more slowly now that Houndour was no longer present. Before they could sit down, however, a loud explosion came from outdoors. The resulting shockwave rattled the windows in their panes. A man in a sweeping black cloak strode through the doors with two men in black jumpsuits and black R’s on their chests flanking him on each side. This was a Team Rocket strike team.

“Nobody move!” The man in the overcoat snarled. “I want you to all slowly throw your Pokéballs into my associate’s bags and no one will get hurt.”

Jack looked around at the bewildered trainers and had some confidence. Surely such a multitude of trainers could easily handle three Rockets. Jack then turned back to the man and noticed something he hadn’t noticed before.

The man had ice blue eyes.

9th July 2012, 8:55 PM
I enjoyed this chapter a lot, well-written and leaves it on a nice cliffhanger, keep up the good work Jake.

9th July 2012, 9:38 PM
This is good. Please add me to the PM list

10th July 2012, 5:17 AM
Loved it!!! I really liked this chapter and love the new character introduction. Interesting idea on the team rocket incorporation to the story. I wonder if jack will try to be a hero or maxwell will surprise us all. Can't wait until the next chapter.

11th July 2012, 5:21 PM
Thanks for coming back and reading you guys! It makes it a lot easier to be motivated to write when you know people are enjoying it. Jeffdavid, I have formally added you to the PM list. Ch. 4 should be up either this weekend or early next week.

Ninja Bulbasaur
23rd July 2012, 2:43 AM
I was told about this fanfiction by friend. He highly suggested it, and I really like it! May I go on the PM list? Kana Kanaa?

I'm starting to see where this is going to. It's really good. I want to seriously see what was that guy was doing in the cave, and what was Jack's dream about. You're a pretty good writer, and no that isn't a sugarcoat. Kihihihihi! Anyways, I hope you can find time to continue working on this wonderful fanfiction.

Ja ne,


23rd July 2012, 4:12 AM
Ch. 4) Proving Grounds

Jack was carefully testing the waters of the situation. As of right now, he was an unarmed trainer. Several of the trainers within the lobby had Pokéballs. However, the vast majority were too scared to actually make a move. It wasn’t surprising, though. Aside from Jack and Maxwell, the rest of the trainers were somewhere around ten years old. It was going to be up to Jack to stop Team Rocket.

“You heard me! Hand them over!” The man in the trench coat pulled a black Pokéball off of his belt threateningly. A handful of the more nervous looking trainers started to step forward to hand over their meager collection of Pokémon.

Unfortunately for Jack, he had turned his Pokémon in and had none to battle with. He realized if he couldn’t use his own Pokémon against Team Rocket he would have to resort to physical confrontation to save his fellow trainer’s companions. Jack ran forward and threw a right cross at trench coat man’s face. Before it could connect, however, one of the Grunts delivered a hard elbow to Jack’s temple sending him sprawling into the tile floor. His teeth crashed together and the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth.

“Go Zubat!” Maxwell’s voice rang out.

“Thank Arceus that he didn’t turn all of his Pokémon in…” thought Jack as he struggled back to his feet. He had a split second to notice a small blue bat streaking toward the Rockets before the second Grunt’s foot collided with Jack’s stomach, knocking the breath from his lungs. Jack fell back to the ground.

“Zubat, use Supersonic on them!” Maxwell’s gruff voice was the last thing that Jack heard before a horrendous screeching filled the air. Jack vaguely remembered Supersonic’s effects from his time at the trainer school. He quickly rammed his index fingers into his ears to cut out the attack’s potency. Given that Zubat’s target was standing directly over Jack, he was in danger of receiving the full blast. A matter of seconds later, a Grunt collapsed to the ground in a heap of disorientation.

The other two Rockets were smart enough to also block out the Supersonic. Jack used the temporary distraction to scramble back to his feet and attempted to tackle the other grunt. However, before he could make solid contact, he felt a fist that seemed to be made of steel connect with the back of his head. His vision went dark and a violent ringing filled his ears. The leader of the Rockets must have sucker punched him.

“Zubat! Try an Air Cutter!” Maxwell’s voice came in garbled as Jack tried to gather his bearings. He felt air whipping around his head and looked up in time to see Zubat’s wings flapping furiously, causing stinging winds to tear at his exposed skin.

Unfortunately, the leader was just a step too fast. As Zubat’s winds picked up speed and began to take shape into razor sharp blasts of energy, the leader quickly grabbed his minion and flung him forward as a human shield. The wind made a solid connection with the grunt’s chest and he slumped to the ground, unconscious. In the same instant, the leader flung forward a jet black Pokéball. In an explosion of white light, an enormous brown bird with a jagged, pointed beak and a large plume emerged.

“Fearow, get rid of that little blue bat with a Hyper Beam.”

The large bird opened its beak and with a thunderous crack, a golden beam ripped across the Pokécenter, dropping the Zubat into a crumpled heap. The leader gave a smirk and turned on Jack.

“Now , Fearow…Get rid of the pest! Drill P-” before he could finish that statement, however, Jack had sprang up and threw another punch. The leader dodged and grabbed Jack by the shoulders. With little to no effort the man flung Jack headlong into a panel of glass windows. Jack’s body cleanly shattered the glass and he was sent sprawling into the grass outside of the center.

“How is he so strong?” Jack wondered as he attempted to gain his footing. He looked down and noticed several gashes along his arms where he had fallen on glass shards. He fell back to his hands and knees as pain racked up and down his shins and shoulders. Jack groaned from a combination of effort and intense pain. He realized his situation was about to become infinitely worse, however, when he heard the sound of glass crunching under heavy boots.

“Why do you keep trying?” said the man in a cool voice with just an edge of malice. “You have been so thoroughly beaten today.”

Jack attempted to turn and look at his attacker but before he could get his head completely turned around, a heavy boot collided with his stomach. The air exploded from his lungs and Jack lay on his back, gasping for air.
The man kneeled down and came face to face with Jack. His eyes were a piercing blue and there was a light minty hint to his breath. He had a high collar underneath his cloak which was adorned with the red Team Rocket insignia. The very edges of a silver chain dangled just underneath the collar.

“What are you?” wheezed Jack. No normal human could possibly be that strong or fast. The man’s eyes narrowed.

“I am Kanto’s judgment.” He placed a slender hand on each of Jack’s temples and lifted his head off the ground so he could look more evenly into the man’s ice blue eyes. “You are the first to resist. You will all succumb.”

Jack attempted to buck his hips and toss the man. He was impossibly heavy. Jack flailed wildly and the man’s eyes narrowed.

“Why are you still fighting me? You haven’t even landed a punch. I would figure you are tired of getting crushed.”

“Because I know that if I don’t fight you, no one else will.”

“So be it. Fight away.” The man took Jack’s head and slammed it into the ground as hard as he could. It felt like Jack’s neck had broken and his skull had been reduced to splinters. Jack’s vision began to fade and it felt like he was staring down a long dark tunnel. He thought he heard some muffled screams when his head hit the ground.

The tunnel was starting to narrow.

He was dimly aware of the man stepping over him and returning his Fearow. The man threw out another Pokéball. Some large, spike covered Pokémon landed on the ground and let out a thunderous roar.

The tunnel tightened. It was almost completely black.

A large orange Pokémon covered in black stripes bounded over him, with a glorious arc of fire spinning around it. There was a flash and he heard the man shout.

“This must be a hallucination…” Jack thought to himself as the tunnel disappeared completely.

Then there was nothing.


Jack awoke to an explosion of pain in his head which was immediately joined by intense confusion at his surroundings. He was surrounded by bright lights and was lying in some sort of bed with high side railings. With a massive effort he turned his head to the side and his eyes fell upon Maxwell and Houndour.

“Where am I?” He croaked through cracked lips.

“Well you’ve been hospitalized, son! And I’m glad to hear that you’re finally awake!” Maxwell gave Jack a wry smile. “Gary Oak just informed me of what happened since obviously I wasn’t privy.”

All his life, Jack had heard stories of the legendary Gary Oak, seeing as they had originated from the same hometown. Gary had shown immense promise, becoming even the Champion for a brief stint before losing his crown to Kanto’s current champion. Rumor had it that he was now the most powerful gym leader in Kanto. Jack craned his neck and after some significant wincing, his eyes fell upon a man likely in his early 30s with messy, graying brown hair and a confident look in his eyes.

“I didn’t know if you were ever gonna wake up!” said Gary in his notoriously nasally voice. “Tyre gave you quite the beating. Definitely not a guy I would screw around with.”


“Oh yea…I guess people outside of the Viridian-Pewter City area probably don’t know what’s going on with all this “New” Team Rocket business.”

“Wait…Team Rocket’s back?” Jack looked over at Maxwell to see if he was aware of any of this. Maxwell’s demeanor remained unchanged providing Jack with no certain answers. “I thought they disbanded 20 years ago?”

“Well yes…and no. Giovanni, the leader of the Rockets disappeared 20 years ago but small factions of his most loyal followers continued to exist underground, pulling off small-scale heists and what not. Sometime in the last year, however, a particularly ruthless criminal mastermind named Tyre was able to unite all of the disjointed, little cult cells and now has a reasonably large syndicate."

“But the police are working to stop him, right?”

“They’re doing their best. Tyre has been impossibly cunning and fast up to this point. Any time the police seem to get a lead he disappears. I’ve dealt with him a few times but no luck so far.”

The air was quiet for a while as Jack let this sink in. Apparently the Rockets were back and their leader was impossible to find, even for one of Kanto’s most powerful trainers. Finally, Maxwell spoke up.

“What’s he after?”

“Well that’s the weirdest thing of all…” Gary scratched the back of his head. “No one is sure what Tyre wants exactly. He does steal Pokémon….but it’s not like back in the days of Giovanni. He doesn’t seem to discriminate between rare and common Pokémon. He takes them all.”

“So Tyre is a thief that doesn’t discriminate, “piped Jack, failing to see why this was so curious. “I figure most thieves don’t.”

“You didn’t let me finish. Several trainers have been reporting that their missing Pokémon eventually returned home, totally unharmed aside from occasional small puncture wounds. Tyre doesn’t seem to be keeping the Pokémon.”

“Puncture wounds?” Maxwell looked extremely curious at this concept. “That would indicate some sort of testing right?”

“Well that’s been one popular guess. I personally believe it’s anesthesia to calm the Pokémon.”

“But why would he need to calm them if it wasn’t testing?” Jack thought back to Tyre’s powerful Fearow. “He was clearly an adept enough trainer to handle anything. If he wanted to subdue them, wouldn’t he just faint them?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Gary shrugged slightly, an understanding smile adorning his face. “I’ve given you the extent of my knowledge. Everything else is purely guessing.”

Jack nodded and thought back to his fight with Tyre. He remembered the glowing orange Pokémon that bounded over him which he could only assume must have been one of Gary’s powerful Pokémon.

“So how did you go about saving me? Tyre doesn’t seem like the type who could be caught off guard by one trainer…no offense.”

“None taken!” Gary said amidst a laugh. “In all reality, my only plan was to keep Tyre busy until the cops showed up. All of the trainers inside the Pokécenter were still frozen with fear. I had my Arcanine attack and his Nidoking almost dropped it without any effort. Luckily for me, he said he respected and admired my Arcanine and left…I’m not sure why. He was gone before I even had a chance to pursue him. I’m not gonna complain though. Anyways, I’ve got Gym Leader stuff to attend to and must be off. When you get seven badges come find me. I’ll decide if you’re ready to advance to the Pokémon league.”

And with that, Gary made his way out of the room. Jack was left having to wonder just how powerful Tyre was. It was hard to focus with the pain racking his body, however. He felt Maxwell’s broad hand on his shoulder.

“I’ve gotta get going, Jack. I want you to get some sleep and we’ll continue in the morning.”

Jack nodded and wriggled to get comfortable in his hospital bed. Satisfied that Jack was comfortable and would soon be resting, Maxwell patted his leg signaling for Houndour to lead the way. A few cane taps and Houndour grunts later, the blind man had exited the room.

Jack was left with only his thoughts on Tyre. His eyes glanced to a white board on the opposing wall with various medical jargon written upon it in black dry erase marker. SEVERE CONCUSSION stood out to him. He must have been out for hours seeing as it was early evening. How could one man be that strong? It was unsettling to say the least.

That night Jack barely slept, his dreams racked with visions of Tyre incessantly chasing him interspersed with a green serpent erupting from a stone chamber and crushing a great bird.

He finally awoke in a cold sweat and couldn’t get back to sleep. His whiteboard had been erased and a note read “Please come to the front desk to check out.” He noticed his two Pokéballs and his clothing from the other day laid on his bedside table.

“Excellent!” Jack practically jumped out of bed, much to the chagrin of his aching legs and pulled his black shorts and his blue v-neck on as fast as humanly possible. He quickly clipped his two Pokéballs to a black belt and rushed out of the door.

It was a brand new day and Jack couldn’t wait to find Maxwell to get his journey back on track.

23rd July 2012, 5:48 AM
Once again awesome chapter. Nice to see that jack is not the type to back down. Also the fight was played out very well. I wonder what's in store next?

23rd July 2012, 4:17 PM
Iliked the old name better. I see you are using Team Rocket, but going at a different angle with them. That's better than doing what they do in the games and the anime

Ninja Bulbasaur
23rd July 2012, 6:28 PM
Team Rocket! Man, they're more evil than I thought they were!No errors as far as I could see. I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, thank you. Kihihihihi!

;001; Ninja out!

25th July 2012, 8:19 AM
To answer why I made a title change, it was because as the story develops, Jack's age and late start are going to become less and less relevant to the actual story. Better Late than Never was a reference to that but then I realized the story needed a title that accurately captures the entire plot. Thus, we have Titans of Kanto. As for Team Rocket, I hate how the anime portrays Rockets as bumbling, inept and sloppy. I feel like in order for a criminal organization to pose a legitimate threat to Kanto as a whole they have to be well organized and ruthless. Not repeatedly outsmarted by 10 year olds. Also, Giovanni liked for Team Rocket to stay relatively underground. Tyre opts to flaunt power.

On another note, next chapter should be up in the next week or so! Stay tuned loyal readers!

25th July 2012, 5:38 PM
Great chapter, nice to see it developing.

10th August 2012, 5:36 AM
Ch. 5) A Shocking Encounter

The man poured over a black leather-bound book’s contents. Ever since he had acquired the Primeval Stone he had become obsessed with this book.

“Where are you…?” He ran his slender fingers over the yellowed pages, frustration becoming visible on his usually stoic face. In his frustration he began to flip the pages wildly, passing over page after page. Various runes, diagrams of buildings, and crude sketches passed his eyes.

“This is beyond me!” The man flung the book across the room, where it skidded along the tile before coming to a stop against the dark wall. Its pages were barely visible in the low light of the room.

The man sat in his chair and glared at the floor before something within the book caught his eye. When the book finally came to a stop one of its exposed pages had flipped an additional time revealing a hidden centerfold. On the page was a detailed sketch of what appeared to be a floating dais hovering just above a key shaped lake.

It was as if a bolt of lightning hit the man. He erupted from his chair and into a squat next to the book. He held the book vertically as opposed to the traditional horizontal and his eyes greedily took in the map of the lake.

“Of course…it all makes sense now!” He strode back to his chair and flipped to the next page. What was on the page brought a foreboding smile to his face.

He sat the book down and walked out of the door chuckling.
On the page was yet another crude drawing. This one of an older man and a young man standing in an opening of a cave, overlooking a lake.

The pair bore a striking resemblance to Jack and Maxwell.


In an astounding display of both his goofiness and his general klutziness, Jack nearly fell over the bottom stair of the Pokécenter. Upon catching his balance, he quickly scanned the Pokécenter before his eyes fell upon his companion. Maxwell was sitting in a bench near the exit, gently petting Houndour. Jack half-jogged, half-walked over to the older man and Houndour chuffed to announce his arrival to his blind owner.

“Well you must be feeling better, Jack!” Maxwell chortled at the youth’s exuberance.

“Yep! They told me I was good to go this morning!” Jack’s eyes involuntarily twitched to the glass doors and to the road beyond Viridian City. “Would you maybe want to leave like…now?”

Maxwell flashed a toothy grin and stood up.

“Well I’ve been waiting half the day for you to get around!” And with that, Maxwell walked past a grinning Jack and through the sliding glass doors.

“Hey! Wait up!” called Jack as he tore after his companion. By the time he caught up with his companion, he found Maxwell standing at the side of the road, facing some sort of monument. It was a simple marble slab, with a Pokéball adorning the top and a Weedle at the base. On it was written, “In Memoriam: Old Man Ralph. His guidance educated many young trainers in the art of Pokémon capture.”

Jack looked at Maxwell. “How did you know this was here?”

“I used to visit here when I was younger. When I first became a trainer he taught me how to catch Pokémon. Just before I lost my eyesight, he passed away. I still visit him regularly.”

Jack stared at the gravestone and then just beyond it at what appeared to a ticket booth in front of a forest.

“What’s that?” He asked curiously. He didn’t remember his Dad ever mentioning anything about a resort or any place along those lines.

“Without being able to see what you are referring to, I can only assume you are asking about The Sanctuary. Just after Ralph died, his family erected a sanctuary where new trainers could catch young Pokémon from other parts of the world, not just Kanto. Ralph would have been proud to see this.”

“Awesome!” Jack ran off toward the window, excited to catch a foreign Pokémon leaving Maxwell behind with his thoughts. “One please!”

The lady at the window looked up from her crossword puzzle with a frustrated look. “Are you aware of the rules of the resort, sir?”

“Uhhhh…no….sorry…” Jack said with a sheepish grin.

The woman sighed and then gave Jack a speech which she had clearly said far too many times.

“Only one Pokémon allowed. You may only catch one Pokémon per session. Your session may not exceed one hour. You must catch the Pokémon with a Kanto-sanctioned Pokéball. Do not interfere with another trainer’s session. No battling inside the resort. Are there any further questions, sir?”


Jack grabbed Rattata’s Pokéball, handed Charmander’s Pokéball to the woman, and received a card key in return. He walked forward to a large wooden door and swiped his card key. There was a quick beep, the sound of mechanical clicking, and then the door swung open for Jack.

Once inside, Jack couldn’t believe his eyes. The entire resort appeared to be a self-sustained forest all enclosed within a glass done that was obscured from the outside by the thick foliage. Dark green conifers and tall oaks were everywhere and in between their thick trunks, Jack could just make out trainers running after Pokémon.

Jack immediately took off to his left, toward a clearing which seemed to be devoid of trainers. This would eliminate any possible competition for potential Pokémon.

“Come on out, Rattata!” The little purple rat appeared in a flash of white and trotted alongside Jack toward the clearing, happy to be free from its Pokéball. Once they reached the clearing, Jack understood why there were no trainers here. There was not a single Pokémon anywhere near the clearing.

Jack looked down at Rattata who was enjoying the sun warming its purple fur and then looked around the clearing for any discernible sign of wild Pokémon. He looked up into the trees and all he could see were tiny little tufts of pollen floating in between the thick green leaves of the tree.

Upon closer inspection, however, Jack realized these weren’t tufts of pollen. Amidst the white fluff of the pollen was a pair of golden eyes. These were Pokémon. Jack whipped out his Pokédex and trained it up at the fluff.

“Cottonee, the Cotton Puff Pokémon. Cottonee go wherever the wind takes them. On rainy days, their bodies are heavier, so they take shelter beneath big trees.”

“Awesome….a grass type would be excellent addition to my team!” Jack carefully waited for one of the tiny spores to drift down to Rattata's level. As if by command, a large gust of wind blew through the clearing and knocked a handful of Cottonee down to ground level.

“Excellent! Rattata use Tail Whip!”

The mouse Pokémon jumped in the air and swung its curled tail at the Cottonee. Its tail connected with one and while causing minimal damage, still sent the grass Pokémon sprawling causing its defenses to lower.

“Good job! Now use Quick Attack!”

Rattata streaked across the clearing before colliding forehead first, sending Cottonee slumping into the dirt. Rattata snapped back into an attack stance ready to finish the grass type.

“Alright, Rattata! Use one more Tackle!”

Rattata jumped into the air but not before Cottonee spun its tiny body around to face its attacker. Cottonee’s fluffy body swelled and then quickly exploded with a cloud of yellow spores. The wind caught the spores and covered Rattata’s fur in them. Rattata attempted to escape but couldn’t bring itself to move before the Stun Spore caused complete paralysis.

Jack ran over to his felled Pokémon and pulled a yellow vial of Full Heal from his backpack. He sprayed the healing mist over his Rattata’s fur and looked up just in time to see Cottonee carried off by the wind.

“Dang…Oh well, how are you feeling buddy?”

Rattata chattered at its owner and then jumped out of Jack’s lap, stretching its rejuvenated legs. It then looked back at its owner and clicked its teeth together signifying it was ready to go.

Jack looked around the landscape and tried to decide where his best shot at catching a Pokémon would be. He looked in the sky and saw what appeared to be clouds with a blue bird heads sticking out of them. He pointed his Pokédex at the birds but was too far away to actually get a reading.

“Let’s go get them Rattata!” and with that, Jack and Rattata tore through the forest toward what appeared to be a large cave system just on the horizon. As they disappeared into the trees, Jack lost sight of the birds.

“Crud…let’s keep going toward those caves though, Rattata. Something has to live in there.”

Jack and Rattata slowed their run to a walk and he took in the sights. However, the forest was oddly quiet in this area. Not only did he not hear other trainers or Pokémon, but he couldn’t even hear the wind or the babble of a river. Jack began to feel uneasy realizing that whatever lived in those caves seemed to repel any form of life.

“Keep on your toes, Rattata.” Jack looked down at his Pokémon which returned a curt nod.

They made their way over gnarled roots, between the trunks before they finally came to the edge of the forest. Where grass formerly lay, there was now finely ground gravel and next to no vegetation between Jack and the caves. Just as he was about to set foot on the gravel, however, a large white feline-looking Pokémon stepped out from behind one of the tree trunks and blocked Jack’s path.

It had a dark face, black claws on each foot, and a long jagged scythe slicing just down the side of its face. Jack knew this was an Absol from a previous encounter. It had showed up at the trainer school one day, perhaps escaped from this very resort, and Jack’s Dad forced all of the students back into the school while he held the wild Pokémon at bay. Jack knew this battle was no joke.

Before he even had a chance to react, however, the Absol swiped its face scythe at the ground and a scimitar of purple energy exploded into the rocks. Jack went flying and was showered with gravel pellets. The Absol descended upon him. It stood over him with unblinking, stoic eyes.

Without warning, Rattata came flying through the air and collided with Absol’s ribs sending the white Pokémon flying into a nearby tree while Rattata growled menacingly.

Absol got back to its feet and looked more irritated than harmed. It quickly flipped its head again, sending pulsing black energy at Rattata. There was a slight whirring and then the energy collided with the mouse Pokémon causing it to instantly faint. Absol was about to turn back on Jack when there was a loud chattering from above and suddenly a circular bolt of energy came crashing from the trees upper limbs and crashed into Absol.

Absol was sent careening into the gavel several feet away while Jack used whatever this distraction was to return his Rattata to safety.

Jack then looked around for whatever had attacked the Absol. His eyes fell upon a small rodent with black and white fur teetering back and forth, clearly dizzy. Jack quickly turned his Pokédex on the little creature before Absol could regain his footing.

“Emolga, the Sky Squirrel Pokémon. Emolga lives in trees and uses its cape-like membrane to glide through the air.”

Jack quickly pocketed his Pokédex and silently thanked the tiny Pokémon. This moment of gratitude was short-lived, however, as Absol was back on its feet and charging full-bore at Jack and Emolga. Before Jack could react, Emolga crackled with electricity and flew headlong at Absol. Immediately upon impact, Emolga returned back to the tree it had originally came from.

“Holy cow…what was that?” Jack looked down incredulously at the spunky little Pokémon. Absol got back to its feet and let out an angry roar before whipping its head through the air, causing a purple wave of energy to rip across the rocks toward Jack and Emolga.

Jack dove out of the way while Emolga turned back into the ball of energy, deftly zipped past Absol’s attack and collided yet again with Absol.
This sort of attack continued for several minutes, with Emolga bouncing around like an electric pinball until Absol was looking rather battered and fatigued.

Finally, it became clear that Absol had had enough of Emolga’s antics as the white Pokémon opened its mouth to reveal a glowing ball of golden energy. This was a hyper beam just like Tyre’s Fearow had used. Jack knew he had no shot at dodging this attack, with or without Emolga’s help.

Without warning, a giant silver, metallic looking bird descended from the sky, spread its wings and let the hyper beam harmlessly reflect off of its metal back. Jack had never seen a Pokémon like this before but for some reason the word “Skarmory” instantly jumped to the front of his mind.

As soon as the incredibly powerful beam ceased, Skarmory reared its head and let loose with an earth shattering roar at Absol. Absol cautiously slunk back to the caves and Skarmory turned to face Jack. As their eyes met, Jack felt the inside of his body heating up. He could see his body beginning to get surrounded with a red aura. He looked down to see the imprint of what appeared to be a wing on his forearm. When he looked back up, Skarmory gave him a curt nod and then exploded into the sky, out of sight. Jack looked back down at his forearm to see that the mark had faded.

“What the heck was that…” Jack then looked down and saw Emolga looking at him quizzically. Upon realizing Jack was looking at him, Emolga chirped and ran up to him and pointed to one of the red and white Pokéballs on his belt. This caused Jack to temporarily forget about the entire episode with the Skarmory.

“OH! You wanna come with me?”

Emolga nodded vigorously. Jack pulled the Pokéball off his belt and extended it to the tiny electric type. Emolga head-butted the release and was sucked into the ball. The ball rocked twice and then came to a standstill.

“Awesome! A new Pok-”

Jack’s celebration was quickly interrupted by Emolga’s Pokéball exploding back open and Emolga emerging onto the grass. It then deftly climbed up Jack’s leg and perched itself on his shoulder.

“Oh…well okay then! On we go!”

And with that Jack and a chattering Emolga set off to find Maxwell.

10th August 2012, 1:20 PM
This is probably my favorite chapter. I love how you incorporated old man Ralph into the story. Funny how in game we hate him because he slows us down, but now we actually care about him. Also your idea on allowing new Pokemon into the region was cool. Thank you for letting cottonee get away. Also great to see personality for each new Pokemon. Keep up the good work.

10th August 2012, 4:19 PM
Well, I feel like I can see what you're starting to do.Jack seems to have some power over flying type Pokemon. Skarmory and Emolga saved him from Absol and he had that wing imprint. I think he's eventually going to catch Rayquaza, while Tyre and Maxwell catch Groudon and Kyogre, though I don't know who catches who yet

Ninja Bulbasaur
10th August 2012, 10:16 PM
There's one part where you forget to double space the paragraphs but other than that good work. You managed to put Unova Pokémon in there without actually screwing up the storyline. Never woulda thunk of that :D I'm getting exited for the next chapter! Good luck.


11th August 2012, 6:21 PM
Glad to see everyone enjoyed the chapter! It also mildly humored that you thanked me for letting Cottonee get away...apparently it's not that popular of a Pokemon I guess!

As for Jeffdavid's speculation, without giving away too much of the story, I'll just say you'll have to stay tuned to see how some supernatural forces factor in.

Hopefully this next chapter doesn't take nearly as long as to turn out! Expect it to be out in no more than two weeks! See you soon and as always, thanks for reading.

12th August 2012, 6:25 PM
Can I please be added to the PM list?I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story so far. I like the fact that you went with an older protagonist than most other fics.

I must compliment you on your Description and detail. You in just enough to flesh everything out fully without cluttering up the reading experience.

I'm excited for the next chapter.

16th August 2012, 8:03 PM
Thanks for the read! You've been added to the list, SamuraiDragon

27th August 2012, 5:43 PM
I'll admit, upon the initial reading of the first chapter and the realisation this was about the beginnings of a journey I sighed. And immediately you flipped the stereotype on its head and I couldn't stop reading from there. Read all of it so far in one go. Somehow, and I'm putting this down to the excellent characterisation and dynamics between Maxwell and Jack, you've managed to refresh my adoration for Kanto despite its age. You haven't altered it too much so far so it still feels familiar and yet it simultaneously feels new. I think this is also helped by the inclusion of other generation Pokemon, which were added in a very natural way might I add. Your descriptions of the battles so far are particularly engaging, not your standard 'Charmander used Ember' writing style that drives me crazy and so I look forward to those too. But by far the mystery of the man with the book is what has me hooked. I wonder how it's gonna fit in with the rest of the story. Kudos my friend.

Please may I be added to the PM list so I can keep track, pretty por favor?

28th August 2012, 12:46 AM
Ch. 6) Rivalry Renewed

Jack finally found Maxwell outside the resort playing with his Zubat and Houndour. Zubat was flying in circles while Houndour giddily barked at the bat Pokémon.

“Hey Maxwell! I’m back!”

“Well how’d it go in there? I trust you made it out of there with a new Pokémon?”

“I sure did! I caught an Emolga!” Jack beamed at his new electric Pokémon perched on his shoulder. Upon hearing its name, Emolga chattered happily.

“Well I’m sure it will end up being a great companion for you! However, I think we need to get a move-on. I don’t really cotton to the idea of spending the night in Viridian Forest and if we leave now, we might make it to Pewter before nightfall.”

“Yea…you’re probably right…there’s nothing exactly inviting about having a Weedle in my sleeping bag.”

Maxwell laughed at the thought and the two began the journey north to Pewter City. As they walked, Emolga happily chattered to itself as they passed wild Pidgey and the occasional Rattata. Eventually, the pair came to a path that marked the entrance to Viridian Forest.

“Now, Jack we need to be careful in here. Many a young trainer find themselves in quite the bind in the forest because of all the poison-type Pokémon. Let’s just be careful.”

“Right! Better safe than sorry!”

As Jack and Maxwell entered the forest, the sun quickly became a distant memory. Almost like in the resort, the canopy of the trees was so unbelievably thick that any sort of sunlight quickly vanished. Looking around, Jack could see various Metapod and Kakuna clinging to trees waiting to evolve from their static states. Just above were the noises of Pokémon flitting throughout the trees.

“Jack, I can’t find it myself but trainers have been coming through Viridian Forest for decades. There’s going to be trails left behind.”

Sure enough, as Jack glanced at the ground he found worn down areas where grass and trees didn’t grow.

“You’re right! It looks like there’s a trail that cuts right through the center of the forest!”

Jack and Maxwell got on to the trail and for the next half hour ran into neither a trainer nor a Pokémon. Jack was beginning to think that rumors of the Viridian Forest and its consequent trials had been greatly exaggerated when he heard a familiar voice coming from behind him.

“Hey Jack! Wait up!”

Jack turned around to see Colin, the young trainer from Pallet Town chasing him down. Judging by his dirty face and tired eyes, he had spent the vast majority of the day in this forest.

“What’s going on, Colin?” Jack then looked over at a confused Maxwell.

“Oh sorry…Maxwell this is another trainer from Pallet Town who began his journey the same day as me. His name is Colin. Colin, Maxwell.”

“Pleasure!” said Maxwell which Houndour reciprocated with a grunt.

“So why’re you out here Colin?”

Colin gave a sheepish smile. “I just got absolutely crushed by Brock, the first gym leader…I came out to the woods to train. He’s brutally strong.”

“Oh…well, would it help if you battled me for training?”

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea…2 on 2?”

“You’re on!”

Jack and Colin took their places on opposite sides of a small clearing and readied themselves for the exhibition. Colin made the first move.

“Go, Spearow!”

A tiny orange bird plopped onto the grass before it lifted itself into the air by fluttering its small red wings. A crown of unkempt, ragged orange feathers surrounded leering eyes which culminated in a sharp beak. Jack turned his Pokédex on the bird Pokémon.

“Spearow, the Tiny Bird Pokémon. Eats bugs in grassy areas. It has to flap its short wings at high speed to stay airborne.”

“Alright, well this seems like a job for you, Charmander!” Jack tossed the red and white Pokéball out onto the field. After an explosion of white light, Jack’s oldest friend emerged onto the forest floor.

“Spearow, use Fury Attack!”

The tiny bird Pokémon took off on a dive bomb at Charmander. Before Jack could give his fire lizard a command, The Spearow crashed broadside with Charmander, knocking the fire Pokémon into the dirt. Spearow quickly banked and collided with Charmander again before it could get back to its feet.

“Charmander, it’s going to keep hitting you if you don’t disrupt it!”

Charmander didn’t need telling twice. It swung its flaming tail through the air just as Spearow was closing in for another attack. The heat from the tail caused Spearow to spin out of its dive and Charmander used the temporary reprieve to jump back to its feet.

“Good! Now use Ember!”

Charmander opened its mouth and spewed a shower of flames in the bird’s direction.

“Spearow! Counter with Tackle!”

Spearow did a barrel roll in mid-air, its tiny body doing a cork screw motion as it jettisoned toward Charmander. The speed of Spearow’s spin caused the Ember to ricochet off the bird’s body, causing minimal damage to Spearow. Spearow collided full speed with Charmander, knocking the fire Pokémon back several feet.

“Speed kills Jack! Surely you know that by now!”

Jack grimaced. Colin was right. Spearow’s speed was making it impossible for Charmander to keep up. Jack watched carefully as Spearow fluttered about, waiting for another possible moment to strike. Jack looked around at his surroundings hoping something would speak to him. They were in a clearing…but the trees were incredibly dense if you diverted from the path.

That’s when Jack got an idea.

“Charmander try Ember again!”

Charmander again shot the tiny flames at the bird Pokémon. Predictably, Colin called for the same counter and Spearow shot through the air like a Pokémon torpedo.

“Charmander, jump backwards!”

Charmander deftly bounded backwards, taking it off of the path and into the dense forested area. Spearow nearly collided with a tree forcing the tiny bird to let up its assault.

“Alright Charmander, use Ember again!”

Charmander fired embers at the Spearow but this time from the cover of the trees.

“Spearow, dodge those flames and then use Quick Attack!”

Spearow flew past the embers with little to no effort but hitting Charmander was another matter entirely. Spearow used Quick Attack to dart in Charmander’s direction but had to quickly give up the assault as the trees were simply too dense to fly efficiently.

“Alright Charmander we’ve curbed his speed! Now use Scratch!”

Charmander jumped in the air and raked its sharp claws down the inhibited bird’s side. Spearow fell to the ground in a heap of feathers.

“Awesome job, Charmander!” Charmander beamed with pride at its owner before shooting some sparks from its mouth.

“Whoa! This isn’t over yet! Give Spearow some credit!” Colin was still looking at what Jack thought was an unconscious Spearow. Jack quickly turned and saw that Spearow, while a little battered, was still capable of fighting.

“Spearow, you’re gonna have to keep this on the ground from now on! Use Peck and don’t let up!”

Spearow came after Charmander, thrusting its beak faster than Charmander could react. The little fire type was doing its best to both block and avoid Spearow’s all-out assault but was having difficulty. For some reason, however, Jack was now smiling victoriously.

“You fell right into that one, Colin! Charmander use Rage!”

With every strike of Spearow’s beak, Charmander seemed become faster and stronger. Finally, Charmander seemed to reach a breaking point. It quickly uppercut the bird, sending it flying into the air. In a flash of orange, Charmander bounded into the air and did a somersault so that its tail collided cleanly with Spearow’s head. The impact of Charmander’s tail sent Spearow careening into the forest floor. As Spearow shakily tried to get back to its feet, Charmander brutally jump kicked it, sending it flying back into the clearing. When Spearow finally came to a stop in a cloud of dust and feathers, it was unconscious.

“Good job Spearow…” Colin extended a Pokéball and sucked Spearow from the battlefield. “I guess your Charmander has a healthy amount of attack power. Well let’s see how he handles this! Go, Nidorino!”

A large pink mammalian Pokémon erupted onto the field. Two large, jagged ears jutted from its body and it was covered in what appeared to be razor sharp spines. It looked formidable, indeed. Jack quickly turned his Pokédex on the Pokémon.

“Nidorino, the Poison Pin Pokémon. It has a violent disposition and stabs foes with its horn, which oozes poison upon impact.”

“This is gonna be fun…” Jack muttered to himself. Emolga chattered nervously from his shoulder.

“Nidorino, Horn Attack!”

Nidorino took off sprinting with its head lowered, in a full on collision course with Charmander.

“Charmander counter with Scratch!”

Charmander side-stepped the attack like a matador and raked his claws along Nidorino’s flank. Nidorino cried out in pain and then came to a screeching halt.

“Like you said Colin, ‘speed kills’!” Jack said with a laugh. That is, until he noticed Charmander worriedly looking down at its paw. There was a bright red scratch crossing the paw and tiny purple veins were snaking away from it.

“Come on, Jack! Surely you knew about Nidorino’s poison pins! Now you went and got your Charmander poisoned! Rookie mistake!”

Jack grimaced. He should’ve known. The Pokédex even warned him. He would have to attack from a distance. “Charmander, use Ember!”

Charmander gave forth a lackluster ember, clearly depleted of strength from a combination of the poison and its earlier battle with Spearow. A smattering of sparks came from its mouth and fell short of even hitting Nidorino.

“Alright Nidorino, give it a Double Kick!”

As Charmander teetered back and forth from exhaustion, Nidorino galloped over to the exhausted Pokémon, planted its two front paws into the ground, spun, and kicked Charmander with all of its might. Charmander fell to the ground, breathing heavily. Just off to the side, Jack could hear Houndour whimper for Charmander.

“Jack I don’t know if it’s truly unconscious yet, but for Charmander’s sake you ought to return him,” called Maxwell from the sidelines, “he’ll be safe in his Pokéball and he’s not going to last in this battle anyways.”

Jack frowned because he knew Maxwell was right. He also knew that neither Emolga nor Rattata were capable of attacking from a distance and would therefore be in range of those poison pins.

“Get some rest, Charmander. You did amazing,” Jack turned his head to look at Emolga. “You ready to fight buddy?”

Emolga cast its black eyes to the Nidorino on the battle field. Instantaneously, a look of doubt crossed its tiny white face and it vehemently shook its head no.

“Oh come on, buddy! I need your speed!”

Yet again, Emolga refused. Jack then attempted to fling Emolga onto the battlefield but instead Emolga clung to his shirt, refusing to let go. After a few minor obscenities, Jack finally conceded and threw Rattata’s Pokéball into the arena.

“Alright, Rattata let’s show them what you can do! Just watch out for Nidorino’s poison spikes.”

Rattata nodded at Jack’s command and then growled at Nidorino.

“Nidorino, drop that rat with your Poison Sting!”

Nidorino bellowed and then took off running toward Rattata. Its horn was lowered and dripping with a thick, pink venom.

“Rattata use Quick Attack and strike it from behind!”

Rattata jumped to Nidorino’s right so quickly that it seemed to vanish. The mouse Pokémon then quickly about faced and slammed into Nidorino from behind, knocking the Poison Pin Pokémon face-first into the ground.

“Nidorino, you can’t be so haphazard! Hone in on Rattata with Focus Energy!”

Nidorino dug its feet into the ground and snarled. After a few moments, a wave of energy exploded from Nidorino.

“Excellent! Now get after that Rattata with a Horn Attack!”

Nidorino took off after Rattata with enhanced speed and precision. As it bore down, Jack frantically tried to come up with a plan.

“Uhhhh…try the Quick Attack, again?”

Rattata tried to jump out of the way again but was too slow. Nidorino’s horn caught it just behind the leg and left a nasty purple cut just down Rattata’s side. Jack’s heart plummeted when he saw the familiar purple spider veins making their way from the cut.

“Rattata, are you okay?”

Rattata looked at Jack, wincing, but with a determined look in its eye. Jack knew how fast the poison could weaken a Pokémon but he also knew that Nidorino had taken a slight pounding from a combination of Charmander and Rattata. Perhaps he could knock it out before the poison took Rattata out.

“Rattata, use Hyper Fang! I need everything you’ve got!”

Rattata jumped into the air, razor sharp teeth gleaming in the sun.

“Nidorino, counter with Poison Sting!”

Nidorino bristled, bracing for the attack. Yet again, its points oozed the lethal poison but Rattata was too quick for Nidorino to get on the offensive. Rattata bit into the Poison Pokémon full force, causing Nidorino to screech in pain before falling to its side, unconscious. Rattata, exhausted from the effort took two steps backward and then also succumbed to its injuries.

“Wow…can’t say I saw that one coming,” Colin said as he returned his Nidorino “I think you must’ve won that one.”

“Good job Rattata!” Jack then looked up at Colin and smiled. “I can’t claim victory on that one. Your Nidorino knocked my Rattata out. It’s obviously a tie.”

“Sounds good to me!” Colin then gave Jack a serious look. “Unfortunately, your team has no shot against the Pewter City gym. You have all the wrong types…”

Jack rubbed the back of his head and thought hard. “Really? Crap…well do you have any ideas?”

“It’s funny you say that…it’s really the main reason I’m out here. As you know, Charmander is fully capable of learning Metal Claw. I was out here training mine because, like you, Charmander's really my only hope. if you can grind it out with your Charmander, you may have a shot.”

“No way? That’s awesome! Thanks for the tip! But why are you telling me this?”

Colin shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t do me much good if my rival is stuck trying to get his first badge. I need to be tested somehow.”

And with that, Colin was off. Jack looked at him just like he had after their battle in Pallet. And once again, he and Charmander had training to do.

28th August 2012, 1:21 AM
good writing but I think you forgot something important. Colin's charmander learned metal claw when Jack faced him in the first chapter

“Charmander! You’re gonna have to dodge this one!” Scorch’s claws had begun glowing and his entire paw had turned silver. Unfortunately for Jack, Charmander didn’t have the energy to duck this time. The fire-type took the full brunt of Scorch’s attack and fell to the ground unconscious.

“No way! You learned Metal Claw, Scorch? That’s awesome!” The boy ran up and hugged his victorious Pokémon while Jack watched in slight shock. “I win!”

Ninja Bulbasaur
28th August 2012, 1:23 AM
Great Chapter! This felt a bit like a filler but i enjoyed reading it!

“Like you said Colin, ‘speed kills’!” Jack said with a laugh. That is, until he noticed Charmander worriedly looking down at its paw. There was a bright red scratch crossing the paw and tiny purple veins were snaking away from it. the most badass way to describe the poison status problem :D

Nidorino bellowed and then took off running toward Rattata. Its horn was lowered and dripping with a think, pink venom.

You mean thick

Rattata tried to jump out of the way again but was too slow. Nidorino’s horn caught it just behind the leg and left a nasty purple cut just down Rattata’s side. Jack’s heart plummeted when he saw the familiar purple spider veins making their way from the cut.

“Rattata, are you okay?”
Rattata looked at Jack, wincing, but with a determined look in its eye. Jack knew how fast the poison could weaken a Pokémon but he also knew that Nidorino had taken a slight pounding from a combination of Charmander and Rattata. Perhaps he could knock it out before the poison took Rattata out.

You forgot to double enter this.

“It’s funny you say that…it’s really the main reason I’m out here. Apparently, Charmander can learn a move that is capable of taking out rock types after enough training.” Tis Metal Claw but some n00bs took the move out in generation 4 :(

I really liked the battle scene here. It was incredibly well written and descriptive, I could imagine it perfectly in my head. I'm getting excited for the next chapter already! XD So your following this up with gen 3, right (cuz of the n00bs and Metal Claw lol)?

Good luck on the next chapter!*

;026; Ninja

28th August 2012, 1:48 AM
And this is why I love my readers! I hadn't actually forgotten that Colin's Charmander learned Metal Claw in the first chapter. I was actually going for Colin dropping a cryptic hint along the lines of "Yo...I don't know if this is helpful but there MAY OR MAY NOT BE a move which could help you." Kinda like he was saying it, without saying it if you know what I mean. I think the effect was lost on you guys so I rewrote it accordingly.

Anyways, thanks for reading as always! I always appreciate the reviews

28th August 2012, 2:40 AM
Poop, I just went off the page before sending my message. Sigh.

I can tell already any edits are going to be of the minor insignificant kind:
1. Before Jack could give his fire lizard a command, The Spearow
2. Two large, jagged ears jutted from its body and it was covered in what appeared to be jagged spines. [I think it would be more interesting if there wasn't the repetition. Perhaps serrated?]
3. The mouse Pokémon then quickly [?] about faced... [I don't know if this is me being an idiot but I don't think it reads right? Is there a word missing?]

As for the writing itself, who knew a battle between a Rattata and a Nidorino could be so engaging. God knows how epic your later battles will be.
Also loving the Colin's tone and attitude despite the age difference, as if it doesn't matter to him that Jack is considerably older.

28th August 2012, 11:45 AM
Nice one! Can i be on PM List?

28th August 2012, 7:09 PM
I figured I'd give this story a look-over, as I've seen it floating around the forum for a while. Hope you don't mind he random review encounter. :)

I've read the first four chapters (everything on the first page), and here's my thoughts:

-There are no noteworthy grammar/spelling/punctuation errors that don't seem like anything worse than typos, so that's good. It reads pretty well without anything like that interrupting the flow.

-The dream sequences/subplot about Aesgar and the people in the headdresses, and the green serpent is quite interesting, and I'm curious as to where that is going. It's been hinted at twice, but not very well-developed (which is good because it leaves a LOT of mystery, which I want).

-The narration is good and consistent. It's attached to Jack and doesn't tend to wander off to show us what multiple people in any one scene are thinking. It did leave Jack to show Icy Eyes meeting a Primeval, which is fine since that was ts own scene. I enjoy consistent, attached narration, so good work here, too.

-The thing that stuck out to me the most is that stuff happens REALLY fast without much development or care. Jack's at home being listless, then he gets challenged to a battle by a kid, then he loses, then all-of-the-sudden he wants to go on a journey. What? In ten years, nothing else as simple as that ever came a long to motivate him? It seemed way too easy. We didn't get any real development on his home life, just that he got good grades while his dad was sick, had some minor jobs, but was mostly a layabout. And then, like I said, over basically nothing at all, he finds the motivation to go on a journey? I need more here. I need to know more about what his last ten years was like. Did he always secretly want to journey? Who are his parents, really? They might not end up being important, but we just glossed over them like they were just place-holders in his life. Why was that ONE battle against a new trainer so important that he made Jack realize his last ten years have been in error? What was his dad's sickness that led to his staying at home? How long was dad sick? Why didn't Jack go after his dad got better if he was ready to go before he got sick? I feel a lot like I want answers as to why things are happening, but the story wants to grab me by the wrist and take me elsewhere.

-That ends up being a theme of the story. Suddenly Jack is out training. Then he catches a Rattata, then he meets Maxwell, and suddenly they are friends and companions. Then Team Rocket attacks them and Jake gets beat up. Then suddenly Gary is there and we got some exposition about Team Rocket stealing and returning pokemon. But nothing FEELS important because it's just all coming in such rapid fire. I feel like I can't get attached to any one scene or moment because if I hold my breath, everything will have moved on at least once before I need a new breath. Even something as mundane as Jack catching Rattata should have been shown more. Make it a scene worth reading; make me CARE whether or not he catches the Rattata. As it was, it was a completely emotionless moment. There's a Rattata. There's a short fight. Rattata is caught. It wasn't enough to get the reader invested. If you are going to include a scene in your story, make it feel important!

-The description feels a little generic, too. I'll see if I can find some examples:

Jack got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. His thick black hair was unkempt as always, sticking out at every possible angle. The 5 o’clock shadow on his face further added to his general disheveled look. The only part about him that hinted that he might actually care about his appearance was his slender, runner’s build.

Okay, main-character-looks-in-a-mirror-to-allow-narrator-describe-him is overplayed as it is. It just smacks of being an obvious attempt to do just what i said. But it happens and it IS an easy way to do it. I've seen even really good stories here fall into it. I might have even done it in my story (I can't recall). But it's just...obvious. Anyway, what is NOT obvious is Jack's body. It is noteworthy enough to narrate, but...why? Is the narrator just showing Jack off? Why is he do fit when he seems lazy. It's an intriguing contradiction, but the reader is given no reason for it.

-Aside from that, I guess your narration wasn't as bad on the second read-through; it's just...unremarkable. The best job you did was during interlude with Icy Eyes in Seafoam. But you tend to give us a lot of easy "It was [character]. He had [descriptions]." Like this:

All his life, Jack had heard stories of the legendary Gary Oak, seeing as they had originated from the same hometown. Gary had shown immense promise, becoming even the Champion for a brief stint before losing his crown to Kanto’s current champion. Rumor had it that he was now the most powerful gym leader in Kanto. Jack craned his neck and after some significant wincing, his eyes fell upon a man likely in his early 30s with messy, graying brown hair and a confident look in his eyes.

Jack looked down and saw what the Pokédex was talking about. In front of him was a small purple mouse Pokémon. It had a white underbelly, complete with a curled tail.

As Jack chased after him he caught sight of numerous brown and white Pokémon flitting in and around the trees at the edge of the clearing. They appeared to be small foxes with the majority of their bodies covered in brown fur and a white tipped bushy tail.

His eyes landed upon a tall man with stark white hair that fell neatly around his forehead and ears. He was wearing thick black glasses and a bright blue button up shirt with a pair of thick khaki shorts. At his side was a small black dog Pokémon with a skull on its forehead.

You should find more ways to subtly throw the descriptions into narrations of their movement or speech rather than just ticking them off like a list. It's just not very exciting to read them like that. I'm not saying to NEVER describe things that easily--sometimes you certainly can, and I know I overdo it a lot, too--but it is so much more fun for the reader if you drop the details in during action rather than just as a short info-dump.

-The description and the pacing are my two key problems; they really don't allow Jack or any of the characters or pokemon feel "real" to me, because everything is so rushed. Don't be afraid to slow things down and let the reader savor some scenes. It will really allow us to enjoy the story more and become more invested in what is going on. You obviously have some writing chops since your grammar and your narration are both in good order, so I'm sure you can work on your weak points to polish them up.

I think that might be all I have. I hope what I brought up helps you along a little bit. :)

29th August 2012, 6:26 AM
Wow! Disappeared for a day to come back to a plethora of replies!

Energo- Once again, thanks for the kind words! I went through and tweaked what you suggested and I'm glad you enjoyed the battle (I'm not gonna lie, I rewrote it twice).

Brendan-Consider yourself added. Thanks for stopping by!

Sid87- First of all, thanks for the review! I don;t know if you've noticed but my fic is noticeably lacking anything in depth. Firstly, i'm glad to know that the mystery of Aesgar is seeming cryptic without interrupting Jack's journey too much at the moment. The two will eventually intertwine but right now I'd prefer for them to be viewed as separate entities on a crash course. Secondly, i didn't even realize how quick the pace was as I writing it. The problem I'm running into as an author, is with school and work, I'm only publishing about once every three weeks so it seems like things are moving slow. However, when I read my chapters back to back to back (like you did) I see what you mean about the pacing being extremely fast. Definitely something I will consider as I continue writing.

Anyways, thanks to everyone! As always, expect a new chapter in about a week and a half or so (but dont panic if it's longer)