UmbraFox
22nd June 2012, 3:12 AM
Hey guys. I wrote This a while ago, and decided to stick it here so you guys can give me some feedback. It's not exactly best-selling material, but I'm hoping you folks will enjoy.
Anyway, here it is.
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OUTCRY
Chapter One - No More
The sounds of my feet echo throughout the carpark as I tear through it. Footsteps mimic mine behind me, hostile footsteps, closer and closer. I sprint for the exit of the carpark and turn the corner and head down Market Street. I hear the shouts behind me, drawing nearer. I know what they'll do if they catch me. They'll clamp a GRC around my neck and that's it. I'm gone.
I should explain. As an Umbreon morph, I am a human with Umbreon DNA. Or, if you prefer, an Umbreon with human DNA, it's the same whichever way you look at it. A Genetic Restriction Collar, or GRC, nullifies the human DNA in a pokemorph, causing their pokemon DNA to take over, essentially turning them into a pokemon, both physically and intellectually. Their mental capacities are reduced to that of their half-species. That will happen to me, if I'm caught. The only way to reverse it's effects is to remove the collar, which the victim is no longer intelligent enough to do. There is no escape.
I turn the corner and head down an alley, which I know turns left and opens out on George street. The alley is very dim, a garbage can has been knocked over, it's contents spilling across my path. There is not much else here, apart from a rusted drainpipe on the right, reaching up to the roof. As I near the corner, I see something; something that could spell my defeat: Torchlight, around the corner.
"Oh crap" I breathe. I know what those lights belong to. Police. Police looking for me.
I know I cannot continue down this alley or I'm done for. I turn back, but the only other way is blocked by my original pursuers.
"Oh no. Nonononono".
In desperation, I run to the drainpipe and begin climbing, my hands bleeding from the sharp edges of the steel. Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. I glance over, and realise one thing: I'm done for...
It was a tranquiliser dart.
I continued climbing, but it was becoming more and more difficult, and eventually, I lost grip completely and fell to the ground. As I tried to pull myself to my feet, a strong arm slammed me to the ground again. I was unable to resist in my weakened state, and I heard the distinct click of a GRC being removed from the policeman's belt.
"Please no..."
It was too late. I felt the collar clamp around my neck, and my mind was overrun with one thing:
Fear.
Fear of these strange people, Fear of the bright lights. Primitive animal fear. I tried to escape, not out of wanting to save myself, not to escape the police, not to rid myself of the collar. Merely out of instinct. Pure Umbreon instinct.
I was an Umbreon, no more.
Eventually, I could no longer stand, and collapsed, unconcious, on the cold concrete. I vaguely felt my (now much smaller) body being scooped up and dumped in the boot of a car. But no more. I remembered no more.
-------///-------
Yes, I know it's short, but the chapters will get longer as the story progresses
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Cheers Guys
Umbra
Anyway, here it is.
-------///-------
OUTCRY
Chapter One - No More
The sounds of my feet echo throughout the carpark as I tear through it. Footsteps mimic mine behind me, hostile footsteps, closer and closer. I sprint for the exit of the carpark and turn the corner and head down Market Street. I hear the shouts behind me, drawing nearer. I know what they'll do if they catch me. They'll clamp a GRC around my neck and that's it. I'm gone.
I should explain. As an Umbreon morph, I am a human with Umbreon DNA. Or, if you prefer, an Umbreon with human DNA, it's the same whichever way you look at it. A Genetic Restriction Collar, or GRC, nullifies the human DNA in a pokemorph, causing their pokemon DNA to take over, essentially turning them into a pokemon, both physically and intellectually. Their mental capacities are reduced to that of their half-species. That will happen to me, if I'm caught. The only way to reverse it's effects is to remove the collar, which the victim is no longer intelligent enough to do. There is no escape.
I turn the corner and head down an alley, which I know turns left and opens out on George street. The alley is very dim, a garbage can has been knocked over, it's contents spilling across my path. There is not much else here, apart from a rusted drainpipe on the right, reaching up to the roof. As I near the corner, I see something; something that could spell my defeat: Torchlight, around the corner.
"Oh crap" I breathe. I know what those lights belong to. Police. Police looking for me.
I know I cannot continue down this alley or I'm done for. I turn back, but the only other way is blocked by my original pursuers.
"Oh no. Nonononono".
In desperation, I run to the drainpipe and begin climbing, my hands bleeding from the sharp edges of the steel. Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. I glance over, and realise one thing: I'm done for...
It was a tranquiliser dart.
I continued climbing, but it was becoming more and more difficult, and eventually, I lost grip completely and fell to the ground. As I tried to pull myself to my feet, a strong arm slammed me to the ground again. I was unable to resist in my weakened state, and I heard the distinct click of a GRC being removed from the policeman's belt.
"Please no..."
It was too late. I felt the collar clamp around my neck, and my mind was overrun with one thing:
Fear.
Fear of these strange people, Fear of the bright lights. Primitive animal fear. I tried to escape, not out of wanting to save myself, not to escape the police, not to rid myself of the collar. Merely out of instinct. Pure Umbreon instinct.
I was an Umbreon, no more.
Eventually, I could no longer stand, and collapsed, unconcious, on the cold concrete. I vaguely felt my (now much smaller) body being scooped up and dumped in the boot of a car. But no more. I remembered no more.
-------///-------
Yes, I know it's short, but the chapters will get longer as the story progresses
Constructive criticism is appreciated.
Cheers Guys
Umbra