PDA

View Full Version : Through the Thunder and the Lightning



Brutaka
26th June 2012, 1:20 AM
This a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Fan Fiction.

Ratings and Warnings
-This fic may contain mild language that may be unsuitable for small children who probably can't read.
-This fic is subject to non-graphic violence that maybe unsuitable for those who can't watch/play Pokemon. In which case, why are you reading this?
-This fic could contain non-graphic death, which may be unsuitable for those who can't hold in allofyourfeels.jpg very well.
-This fic may contain super adorable characters, which may be unsuitable for manly tough guys that don't understand the term "Cute".
-This fic features war between powerful monsters which may be unsuitable for hippies.
-This fic is subject to interactions with a deity, which may be unsuitable for die-hard religion fanatics.
-This fic can contain logical and critical thinking, which may be unsuitable for liberal arts majors.
-This fic contains sarcasm which may be unsuitable for those who think sarcasm is a language from the country "Sarca".

If you want me to PM you when each chapter is posted, tell me and I will put you on this list.
PM List
saphirapwns ; Knightfall ; ever ; Azurus ; Fire Aruseus ;
Rotomknight ; muchmula ; AceTrainerMohamed ; Trickster Zorua ; Grav ;
Shadow Lucario 50 ; Cometstarlight ; jireh the provider ; Meeker ; JFought ;
JX Valentine ;

Please keep in mind that this is my very first Fan Fiction ever, so please feel free to post tips/critiques/reviews/hints, etc. I try to catch all my errors, but I'm not perfect, so mention those too.

And, with that out of the way, let's get this thing started!


~~~~~~~~
Watching myself when I'm taking strides but here comes the moon and it feels and it feels like an informer quick run away hide before they see you, you know it is all, all a glow
-Tyrant, One Republic
~~~~~~~~

Prologue
re:Danger Above

The panting. The pounding. The stomping. The roaring.

These were the only things that I could hear.

What did this beast want with me? I was a nobody - just a small town teen, too scared of change to leave on Pokemon journey like the rest of my friends. I was just out for a walk under the moonlight, despite my mother’s warnings. She, much like the rest of the town, had superstitions that a monster would eat them if they were out at night. I guess the legends were true. I always assumed they had been silly stories by those with less knowledge of the world than us. Although, silly stories don't chase you around the woods.

There was nowhere to run, I knew. I could hide in this cave ahead of me. I knew that it probably wouldn’t save me, but I had something I needed to do before the beast got me. I heard the black monster begin to charge an attack. It sounded as if the very air was being split. That clap of thunder I was so accustomed to hearing above Lacunosa Town in the stormy months. It wasn't a storm though. If only it was just a storm.

And why was nobody around to help? I knew the residents of my own town were inside and would be of no help. But even at night, the forest was usually crawling with Rangers.

I ran with all of my might and ducked into the small opening in the cliff side. I used to come here when I was small. It was a safe place - a haven from the school yard bullies who pestered me day in and day out. I hoped it wouldn’t be my grave.

I crawled as far back into the cave as I could go, but the gouged out hole wasn't very deep. Another rumble of thunder sounded. The beast was getting closer.

Swallowing my fear, I pulled out a pencil and the small sketch journal that I kept inside my jacket pocket and hurriedly opened it to the last page. It was the only page left blank. I had drawn on all the others. I knew I wasn’t going to make it out of here, so I thought that I might as well finish one last promise in this world. She probably didn’t even remember what that promise was, but it didn’t matter. I remembered it. A friend had bought this for me on my last birthday. I vowed to her that I would fill every page of this book with meaningful memories and art. I told her I would finish it, even if it took my whole life. I had been holding off from the last page; I wanted to save it for something important. I hadn’t taken into account that my deadline might be coming up faster than I had originally thought.

The mouth of the cave was suddenly illuminated with the fury of a lightning bolt. I shielded my eyes with my arm and squinted away. When the blast dissipated, I seen that the mouth of the cave had been charred by the attack. I wasn't harmed, but I knew the electric beast wouldn’t miss a second time. I quickly tried to think of something to sketch for my last journal. Anything, really. It didn’t matter what; the journal just need to be finished. A white squirrel came to my mind's eye, and I quickly started drawing it. The Pokemon was a common sight in the trees of my hometown. It was reassuring and felt like home. It was a good last feeling to have.

I heard a growl and then a sort of guttural laugh from outside the mouth of the cave. A quick glance revealed that the beast was looking me over with its massive red eye. The living nightmare was too large to fit in through the opening, but that didn’t matter. I tried to hurriedly finish my drawing, but my fear was now suppressing my will. My hand was shaking too much to draw anything comprehensible.

I didn't want to die.

There was another roar of thunder - so close and loud that it nearly burst my eardrums. Through the ringing left in my ears, I heard the crackling of electricity. It sounded like a short circuit.

And suddenly everything went white.

~~~~~~~~
Author's Note
All right, so how was that? Know who the Pokemon in the clouds are? What happened to the kid? Who saved him? Why am I asking you these questions? I guess we'll just have to wait for Chapter One...
And that was the Chapter 0 rewrite! reChapter 1's release is on the horizon, so stay tuned!

Anyway, like I just mentioned, TTL is in the process of being rewritten. If you are a new reader, welcome! But keep in mind that going from rewritten chapters to the original chapters will be quite jarring, as the writing style is fairly different. The canon of the fic is also different, so that would probably make a bigger difference on your reading experience.

How do you know whether or not a chapter has been rewritten? It's fairly easy. If the chapter name is preceded by "re:" than it has been rewritten. (Makes sense if you like Kingdom Hearts). For instance, The original name of this Prologue is "Danger Above". But since it's been rewritten, it's now called "re:Danger Above".

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 2:14 AM
I liked the way your foreshadowing the next chapter with the questions! Also good dialog :).

7/10

thanks saph! Though just keep in mind, some of those questions wont be answered to the veeeeeeeery end of the whole story. But thanks for the comment! (Though mods dont like number ratings too much, Im sure its fine since you gave other feedback as well)

Knightfall
26th June 2012, 3:00 AM
Hello, remember me? Still using the banner you made me.
Well I must say, this is very good.
I didn't see any obvious errors in spelling and the grammar looked alright.
For a prologue it's pretty good; it introduced us to the main character and the antagonists of the fic without giving away too much of their plans.
And I must say that the prologue is one of the hardest chapters to write, believe me I know from experience.

All I can say is that I can't wait to see what happens next, and put me on the PM list.
Knightfall signing off...;005;

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 3:11 AM
Hello, remember me? Still using the banner you made me.
Well I must say, this is very good.
I didn't see any obvious errors in spelling and the grammar looked alright.
For a prologue it's pretty good; it introduced us to the main character and the antagonists of the fic without giving away too much of their plans.
And I must say that the prologue is one of the hardest chapters to write, believe me I know from experience.

All I can say is that I can't wait to see what happens next, and put me on the PM list.
Knightfall signing off...;005;

Thanks! I tried really hard for this one. The next chapter is in the making. I'm switching to First Person in the next chapter, and for all the remaining ones. Third Person Omnipotent Narration was a Prologue exclusive thing. Just so you know what to expect. And by the way, I read part of your as well before I posted mine. Its pretty good. I just don't have time to read it ^_^'
And yeah, I see the banner. I remember making it. Since I've more or less mastered spriting, and I'm not too bad Pokemon Battling, I decided to try my hand at Fan Fictions!

Knightfall
26th June 2012, 3:57 AM
Thanks! I tried really hard for this one. The next chapter is in the making. I'm switching to First Person in the next chapter, and for all the remaining ones. Third Person Omnipotent Narration was a Prologue exclusive thing. Just so you know what to expect. And by the way, I read part of your as well before I posted mine. Its pretty good. I just don't have time to read it ^_^'
And yeah, I see the banner. I remember making it. Since I've more or less mastered spriting, and I'm not too bad Pokemon Battling, I decided to try my hand at Fan Fictions!

You're absolutely welcome, I love PMD and your story is really good for your first attempt at a fanfiction.
And thanks for looking at my fic, it means a lot to me that you even looked at it as an author.
And my Prologue was different as well, I guess they're meant to be different than everything else.
I am looking forward to seeing more of this.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Fire Aruseus
26th June 2012, 4:36 AM
This was really interesting, you did well not giving a lot away but making it interesting so that people want more! Can't wait for chapter one

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 4:47 AM
All right, time for Chapter One! You all excited? You should be!


Chapter One
Rude Awakening

“Where am I? Ugh. I can’t remember anything,” I tried to say. “No, its no use, I’m slipping again.” Then everything was black. Several minutes later, I awoke to the sound of something flying overhead. Then, a voice spoke.

“Hey! What’s wrong? It’s not everyday someone decides to take a nap in the middle of Foggy Woods,” the noticeably female voice said.

“Ugh, how, where, who are you?” I struggled to answer. I also attempted to lift my head, but the whole process felt weird. My body felt strange, alien.

“My, you have a lot of questions. And I just said that you’re in the middle of Foggy Woods. Don’t you remember coming here? You ask an odd question, actually.”

I attempted to get up, but I just couldn’t get my body to work. It was as if my arms and legs were much too short, and my head was way too big. There was also something stuck my lower back, and it felt quite large.

The girl spoke up again, “You’re silly! Can’t you even stand up? What happened, did you get dosed with a Stun Seed or something?”

I finally was able to get to my feet after the third try. I wobbled, and nearly fell backwards, but the weight on my lower back balanced me. “What, what’s wrong with me?”

“Well, it doesn’t look like there is anything wrong with you. But who knows, I’m not a doctor.” A thud sounded from behind, and I presume it was the girl. It almost sounded like a landing. Weird. I turned around, and I fell backwards again. It was some sort of creature! And it was as tall as me! It looked like some sort of squirrel, but it had skin webbing connecting her arms to her legs. I knew what she was, but I couldn’t remember the name. “Oops, did I scare you, Sparky?” she giggled.

“Sparky? My name is… my name is Shane. Not Sparky.” I said. The name fit, and it was all I could remember at the moment.

“That’s a weird name. Shane…I dunno, I like Sparky better. Because Shane is an awfully strange name for a Pachirisu, tee hee,” she said with a giggle.

Wow. She’s cute. Wait, what am I thinking? And what did she say? I thought to myself. “Pachirisu? I’m not a Pokemon! I’m a human, which begs the question, why are you talking? Pokemon don’t talk!”

“Well, sure we do! Your talking aren’t you! You’re funny!”

“But I’m not a Pokemon!”

“Um, ya you are, silly. Just look at your big bushy tail!” She giggled again, walked over and yanked the thing was stuck to my lower back. And it was true! It was the tail of a Pachirisu! And I can feel it! I looked myself over, which I had neglected to do previously.

“Oh my goodness! I am a Pachirisu! What on earth? But, what? Why? Oh, I can’t remember.”

“Are you messing with me? Because the humor is wearing off.”

“No, I’m serious! But I can’t remember anything. All I know, is that I woke up here, as a Pachirisu, and that my name is Shane, and that I’m, or at least was, a human. Honest.”

“Well, okay, I believe you.”

“Um, so what’s your name? I don’t think you’ve mentioned it yet.”

“My name is April,” she then jumped in the air, spread the webbing and glided around him for a few seconds before landing. “As in the month of the breeze that carries the scents of the flowers! And, I’m the only Shiny Emolga in all of Talmani!” And with that, she did a little curtsey and giggled.

Holy Arceus, she’s beautiful! I thought as I watched her. What am I doing thinking that again? I’m a human! People aren’t supposed to like Pokemon! That’s wrong! But still…No! Stop it!

“You okay there? You like your having an emotional crisis.” She said, tiling her head.

“Oh, uh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I gave a half hearted chuckle.

“Heh, I like you, Sparky! Come on; let’s get out of this forest. It isn’t wise to be here after dark. Even being here in the middle of the afternoon isn’t wise anymore.”

“Why? What’s happening? Is something wrong?” I was a little worried now.

“Wow, calm down there. I don’t actually know what’s happening, but there has been a lot of rogue Pokemon around lately. You know, Pokemon that have…gone feral? That’s the best way to explain it. They aren’t in control of themselves. It’s a sad thing to see. But it’s even more dangerous than it is sad.” She said, as we walked along a worn path. She sighed. “Things just aren’t what they used to.”

“Well, there has to be a reason for it. Just like there has to be a reason for my transformation into a Pachrisu. I know we’ll figure it out if we try.”

“That’s they way to think about it. Now, we’re pretty far into these woods, so we should hurry up,” she motioned a bit ahead of us and started to run. She spread her wings out, and she launched into the air. “Come on!”

“Wait! I can’t run that fast!” I said, trying to catch up, but my legs were too short.

“What on earth are you running like that for? Get down on four legs to run, like all the other Pachirsu!” she called out to me.

Four legs? Well, I’ll give it a shot. And so I lowered myself down so I was on all fours, and I ran. It felt pretty natural, and not at all what I expected! I caught up to her fairly quickly.

“That’s the way! Dang, I forgot how fast you little guys can be, hee hee!” she giggled again.

“This is actually...kinda fun!”

“Ya, just pay attention to where you’re going! Uh oh, what’s that noise?” Indeed, a buzzing sound had been growing, and I had been listening to it for the past couple minutes.

“Sounds like a bunch of bees.” I called out.

“Not just bees…Beedrill!” she screamed, as a whole swarm of them to jumped out. She managed to stop herself in time, while I promptly fell on my face. “Come on Sparky, let’s take care of them!”

“What do you mean? How am I supposed to do that?”

“Like this!” she yelled, and electricity began to cackle around her cheeks. Then, she shot a powerful Thundershock at the Beedrill. Half of them fell to her attack. “Come on, now it’s your turn!”

“Me? How do I do that?”

“Well, you’re an Electric type right? So use an electric attack!”

“But, but, I don’t know how to do that!”

She sighed. “Just, I dunno, focus on the pouches on your cheeks, and see if something happens.”

Well, all right. I concentrated for a little bit, and then I felt a rush of power in my cheeks. I tried to shoot it somewhere, but it wouldn’t go. So I did the next thing that came to my mind: I rammed them. I jumped off the group, electricity still cackling around me, and I slammed into a Beedrill. The charge transferred, and it fell to the ground.

“That was Spark! Good job!” April shouted out, right after finishing the rest of them off.

“Thanks, I guess. But why couldn’t I fire it like you did?”

“Different Pokemon learn to do different things at different times. No one knows why, it just happens. I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually. Now come on, let’s get out of here before they wake up.” She caught air again, and flew forwards. I dropped to all fours and ran after her. After much running/flying, we arrived at the edge of a cliff. A town lay below, and a path led down to it. April was obviously excited. “We’re here! We made it!”

“Where are we?”

“That, Sparky, is my hometown. Welcome to Salvage Springs!”
~~~~~~~~

All right, so how Ch. 1? Good, I hope. Um, tell me if you see anything wrong. Just remember, April and Shane(a.k.a Sparky) are in their late teens, they don't always make coherent sentences, or use proper grammar. So they used words like 'aren't' and 'dunno' a lot. Like any other teenager. And Shane is having a hard time not admiring April. It's kinda funny.

Fire Aruseus
26th June 2012, 4:58 AM
Nice, i am loving this fan fic so far, April seems to giggle a lot...

The only mistake i saw was this,

“That’s they way to think about it. Now, we’re pretty far into these woods, so we should hurry up,” she motioned a bit ahead of us and started to run. She spread her wings out, and she launched into the air. “Come on!”
“Wait! I can’t run that fast!” I said, trying to catch up, but my legs were to short.

Is there supposed to be another space between the two paragraphs? That was all i saw, but then again i don't pay that much attention to grammar

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 5:35 AM
Nice, i am loving this fan fic so far, April seems to giggle a lot...
Is there supposed to be another space between the two paragraphs? That was all i saw, but then again i don't pay that much attention to grammar

Yup, she's a giggler(is that a word, I dunno). And ya, thanks for catching that! It was a page division on my MS Word, so I didn't see that on my proofreading. Oh, and I fixed the italicization for the thoughts. I forgot that it doesnt transfer over from Word.

Azurus
26th June 2012, 8:07 AM
The paragraphs that the previous poster had quoted has a sentence stating that their legs were "to short" and it should be "too"

Other noticable errors are in the dialogue but you said they say things wrong anyway so it's good, just don't use it as an excuse for not knowing the right word to use.

Looking forward to more, the chapters are short but by the looks of it it, update quickly.

Add me to the PM list if you don't mind, please and thank you.

Knightfall
26th June 2012, 2:17 PM
New chapter? Wow, that was fast.

Aside from some of the spelling errors Azurus pointed out, I didn't see too much else that was wrong spelling-wise.

I do have some issues with the chapter though. The main problem is that I thought the problem flew by way too fast. I mean, Shane just woke up without any memories and in an alien body and world, and yet he barely has time to react before he meets up with April and races to this town.
My second issue is that within moments of him waking up, Shane uses a move. Something he couldn't have possibly done before, he does it his first try.
But this is somewhat my opinion ( My main character, Leo, didn't meet up with his partners until Chapter Two, and it's Chapter Three and he still hasn't used a true move. )
It just seemed really fast paced.

Anyways, other than what I pointed out, this chapter was pretty good.

Sorry if this post seemed negative, but I'm trying to be helpful.

Keep on going, I want to see more of this.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 5:41 PM
The paragraphs that the previous poster had quoted has a sentence stating that their legs were "to short" and it should be "too"

Other noticable errors are in the dialogue but you said they say things wrong anyway so it's good, just don't use it as an excuse for not knowing the right word to use.

Looking forward to more, the chapters are short but by the looks of it it, update quickly.

Add me to the PM list if you don't mind, please and thank you.

Thanks for catching the 'to short'. And don't worry, if you look at the Prologue, I can format sentences correctly ;) It will also be evident in the older Pokemon's dialogs as well.


New chapter? Wow, that was fast.

Aside from some of the spelling errors Azurus pointed out, I didn't see too much else that was wrong spelling-wise.

I do have some issues with the chapter though. The main problem is that I thought the problem flew by way too fast. I mean, Shane just woke up without any memories and in an alien body and world, and yet he barely has time to react before he meets up with April and races to this town.
My second issue is that within moments of him waking up, Shane uses a move. Something he couldn't have possibly done before, he does it his first try.
But this is somewhat my opinion ( My main character, Leo, didn't meet up with his partners until Chapter Two, and it's Chapter Three and he still hasn't used a true move. )
It just seemed really fast paced.

Anyways, other than what I pointed out, this chapter was pretty good.

Sorry if this post seemed negative, but I'm trying to be helpful.

Keep on going, I want to see more of this.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

I actually didn't notice how fast paced it was. Shane is a pretty level headed guy, and even though he did freak out somewhat, wouldn't have gone crazy as much as other less willful people would. As far as learning the move, he had a good teacher. Emolga and Pachirisu use their attacks in the exact same way, so it'd be easy to pass the knowledge off. Plus, the threat of being hurt by the Beedrill does help speed up the learning process. Also, in the PMD games, You learn how to attack almost immediately, going through Tiny Woods or Beach Cave. Think of Chapter 1 as the tutorial cave. Foggy Woods. I was trying to slow it down and make it more realistic, (it was a good 5 minutes until he could barely stand up, another 3 or 4 to realize he's a pokemon, another 2 to cope with it, and another 10-20 before the Beedrill attack)but I guess I didn't do that well, heh heh. And, I would like to point out that April was distracting him big time(though she didn't realize she was).

But, I very much thank you for your opinions. I will try to make use of them in the coming chapters. Chapter 1 was released quickly because I was very psyched after writing the Prologue, that I just had to keep writing!

Fire Aruseus
26th June 2012, 7:23 PM
I didn't notice this until now, that you have a PM list. Can you please add me to it.

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 7:28 PM
I didn't notice this until now, that you have a PM list. Can you please add me to it.

Absolutely!

Knightfall
26th June 2012, 9:01 PM
I see, I know how the games go, and you did say this would follow the game's format. So I guess the fast pacing is all right, at least for that chapter.

And trust me, I know how you feel. I was really excited to write after I posted the Prologue of my fic, though it took a while longer to write my chapter.

I hope Shane doesn't get a headache from April's giggling.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
26th June 2012, 10:03 PM
I see, I know how the games go, and you did say this would follow the game's format. So I guess the fast pacing is all right, at least for that chapter.

And trust me, I know how you feel. I was really excited to write after I posted the Prologue of my fic, though it took a while longer to write my chapter.

I hope Shane doesn't get a headache from April's giggling.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

The second chapter should be a little slower, though it isn't very eventful. And just between you and me, Shane actually loves her giggle.

Brutaka
27th June 2012, 12:02 AM
All right, here's another chapter. This one took me like seven hours, but it was totally worth it! Ya, its pretty soon after Chapter 1, but I'm still psyched for this story!


Chapter Two
A Confrontation in the Cafe

“Salvage Springs? Sounds rusty.” I said, staring at the town below.

“Hee hee! That’s funny! No, it’s named that due to all the Salvaging Teams that make the town their base.” April replied with a giggle. She started to walk down the path, so I followed behind her.

“Salvaging Teams? What are those?”

“Oh, of course you wouldn’t know that. Salvaging Teams go out into the world in search of things that people have left behind. And then finding someone who wants those things,” she stopped and turned to look at me, and with a smirk, she continued, “for the right price of course!” We continued down the path.

“Interesting. It sounds like you know a lot about this kind of stuff.”

“But of course! It’s been my life’s dream to be a Salvager! One Pokemon’s junk is another’s treasure, am I right? Going to all sorts of caves and forests to look for abandoned contraptions! There’s no place I won’t go! I’ll even go to the bottom of the ocean, if someone’s willing to pay for such a thing.”

“I’m starting to wonder what you like more, the actual salvaging, or the money involved,” I mentioned with a chuckle.

“Humph! I want to salvage, that’s what I’ve dreamt about for years. But the money doesn’t hurt you know.” April seemed a little offended by the statement.

“Of course not, I was just saying-“

“I know what you were saying.” She stopped again. She turned to face me. She looked sad. “Look, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gotten upset like that. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“Nothing. Let’s just keep moving.” It was relatively quiet for the rest of the trip down the slope. I felt bad, but it was obviously something she didn’t want to talk about, so I didn’t push it. She still helped me out when I needed a little assistance getting down certain parts where the road was in bad condition. I still had to get used to the idea that my legs were shorter then they were supposed to be. I actually started to think that I didn’t have legs, and that my feet were stuck to my torso just like that. But, not wanting to induce some crazy panic attack that nearly got me when I first woke up, I pushed the thought away. Soon enough, we arrived at the main gate into town.

The gate itself was merely an arch. It looked to be made of various odds and ends. Perhaps things teams had found that nobody else wanted. Or maybe the mayor or such had requested items to build this. It wasn’t important, so I didn’t worry about it.

“So, Sparky, what should I show you first?” April said, finally cheering up a bit.

“Well, I dunno. I don’t know anything around here. What does a town usually have?”

“Never mind that, we’ll look at each shop and area in turn then if you don’t know what’s here. But first, why not a bite to eat?” My stomach growled at the thought of food, and so I agreed. “Great! I’m a bit hungry to. There’s a wonderful place in town that offers up some great meals.”

As we walked through town, I noticed that some buildings were more colorful than others, and some had images denoting Pokemon, or wares. One building was half green and half purple. The whole thing was shaped like a lizard. A Kecleon, perhaps? The green side had pictures of different fruits and seeds, as well as sticks and rocks. The purple side had some strange orbs and discs. I had no idea what Pokemon used CD-ROM’s for, but I was sure I’d find out eventually.

On my left hand side was a building shaped like the head of some pink Pokemon. April told me it was shaped like an Audino. I decided to have her tell me what that place is for later. I wanted food first, and I didn’t want to distract my tour guide.

Further on, there was a building shaped like a large golden mask. A black Pokemon floated around inside. The whole place was rather creepy. There was also a small building reminiscent of a Pelipper. There were some of those inside, as well as a multitude of Pidgey. It looked like a Post Office. Perhaps that’s what it was.

We stopped in front a large strange building of sorts. It didn’t look like any Pokemon in particular. It was more or less a large dome made out of various pieces of wood, metal, and other such items. Above the door, there was a picture of a Spinda, and two other Pokemon that looked like garbage. I didn’t wan to be rude, but they really did look like it. That’s because the picture showed the heads of a Trubbish and a Garboder.

“This is where we’re gonna be eating?” I asked, giving her a confused look.

“Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?”

“Nothing, its just the Trubbish on the sign has me a touch worried.”

“Oh! Hee hee, they aren’t part of the Café! This place has two functions. It’s a place to eat, and a place to trade salvaged things with other teams! It’s a remarkable building actually. Come on; let’s go inside, I’m starving!” And with that, she pulled me into the Café.

The place was remarkable. It was brightly colored on the inside and there were numerous bits and bobbles hung all over the store. The whole effect made the place look larger on the inside than it really was. The left side of the Café had tables and chairs spread out everywhere. There were numerous Pokemon scarfing down fruits and other strange meals. Some had drinks, and they looked pretty good. That side also had a counter towards the back, where a Spinda was giving orders to some Pokemon through a hole in the wall. I couldn’t see who they were.

The right side of the store held only a stall. The Trubbish and Garboder from the sign were there talking to a couple of Pokemon. The Pokemon that they were talking to actually looked pretty cool. They had scarves on, and one of them had a scar. I couldn’t tell what the Pokemon were. It seems that so far I can only remember some of the Pokemon’s names. April pulled me out of my thoughts and led me to the counter and the Spinda in the back.

“Hey, Spinda, how’s it going with you?” April said, laying her arm on the short countertop.

“Oh, you know, going with the flow, dancing with the rhythm of the world,” the Spinda responded. It was clearly a female. And it didn’t seem to be able to keep still. It wandered back and forth like she was confused. And I couldn’t stare at her eyes for too long; the swirls in them were making me dizzy. “So, April, who’s your friend?” she asked, nodding at me.

“Right! This is Sparky. I met him out in the woods. He has no idea how he got there. The poor fellow seems to have come down with amnesia.”

“My name is Shane, not Sparky!” I said with a little edge to my voice.

“Oh ho! Interesting! A Pachirisu, alone and confused in the middle Foggy Woods. Apparently he remembers his name, but Shane is quite an odd name though. But your not here for pity are you? No, you two want food! And I have food! What d’ya want?” Spinda pulled out a pad and a piece of charcoal, eager to take our orders.

And she thinks my name is odd, if anyone’s the odd one here, its her. April gave her order to the hostess, and she quickly jotted it down on her pad.

“And what would you like?” The Spinda was staring at me, and her twirly eyes were making me uncomfortable.

“Uh-” I started.

“Just get him the same thing I got,” April told her. She looked at me, “Trust me, you’ll love it!”

And so with our orders in, Spinda turned and put the paper through the hole in the wall. A blue hand took it, and yelled out orders to two other Pokemon inside. Through the hole, I could tell that the three were some kind of monkey. The one doing the cooking was a Pansear. A Pansage was putting the finishing touches on some other dishes, and the blue one, a Panpour, was cleaning up some of the countertops. Spinda, still at the front counter, was now hurriedly making some drinks. Apparently, that’s what she was in charge of doing. April interrupted my observations.

“You gonna sit there and stare at them all day, or are we gonna find a table?” My face went red, which of course wasn’t visible, thanks to the fur, and I followed her to an empty table.

“So this place is supposed to be really good?” I asked, hoping to spark a conversation.

“Tee hee! The best in town! The food is great, but their Gummi smoothies are to die for!” April appeared to be lost in the thought of the food. The small talk continued for another fifteen minutes. Then Panpour came out, carrying two dishes which he set in front of us.

“Spinda will be right out with your drinks,” he said, and then returned to the kitchen. I looked down at the food. The dish was beautiful to look at. In the center was a neat little pile of seared Aspear Berries. Around that was some freshly sliced banana, and the whole thing was resting on a bed of chunky applesauce. My mouth was watering just looking at it. I looked over to April, who was already half way through her dish and hadn’t even noticed I wasn’t eating yet. She looked up for a second.

“Well don’t just stare it, eat it! You want your berries to get cold?” I looked down at it again. I picked up a berry chunk and plopped it into my mouth. It was bracingly sour, but the cooking of it had brought out sweetness in it. It was remarkably delicious, but I was hesitant to continue. In this form, I couldn’t exactly use utensils, and none had been provided anyways. I took a peek at April. She wasn’t using silverware either. She was hardly even using her paws. After a moment of thought, I followed her example and just ate however I could. A couple minutes later, Spinda brought out our smoothies.

“Two Yellow Gummi Smoothies for Emolga and company!” Spinda announced, giving a yellow drink to us both. “Will there be anything else that I can get you?”

“No, were good. Thanks again!”

“You are always welcome. Just pay up at the front counter when you’re done, kay?” Spinda then teetered her way back to the counter. I looked at the drink. It looked tasty, much like everything else that was served tonight. I took a sip, and I was blown away. This drink was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever tasted! Well, it probably was anyways.

“Holy Arceus above, this drink is magnificent!” I said, starry-eyed.

“Ya, they are. But you better appreciate that one. Those things are pricey, and I don’t need you getting hooked on ‘em.” April said after taking a swig of the smoothie. Ignoring the statement, I finished the rest of my food. Both April’s and mine's faces were covered in applesauce, so we spent the next ten minutes licking ourselves off.

This is how cats clean themselves, isn’t it? Well April is doing it too, so I suppose it isn’t weird for me then. I hope. After we were done and the applesauce was cleaned off our fur, we resumed some small talk. It was mostly me going on about how great the meal was. Unfortunately, a Raichu that had been staring at us for the past few minutes decided to interrupt. He rudely took a seat next to April.

“So April, who’s you new friend?” Raichu said, glaring at me.

“It’s none of your business, Raichu. Now buzz off.” April clearly didn’t like him. I glared back at that giant electric mouse.

“Oh, I’m hurt, sweety. I thought we had something.” Raichu tried to get closer to April, but she scooted closer to me.

“The only thing I’ve ever wanted with you is a restraining order. Now go away!”

He tried getting closer. “Don’t be like that! Come here y-”

“She said to go away. So I suggest you leave.” I growled at him.

“Oh, we got ourselves a tough guy here, now don’t we? Heh heh. Stay out of our business shorty!” He flicked his tail at me.

“No, because now it is my business. April is my friend, and she clearly doesn’t want you.” April looked at me warningly.

“Sparky, stop! We don’t need any fighting, and-” she tried to say.

“It’s too late for that now. Sparky, was it? You and I have something to settle. You need to learn to stay out of other people’s affairs.” He stood up and walked over to me. He picked me up by my tail, which not only hurt, but it was very demeaning.

“Put me down! Or I’ll...Or I’ll-”

“Or you’ll what, Sparky? Shout me to death?” Raichu gave a hardy laugh.

“My name is Shane. And I’ll do this!” I concentrated the electrical power in my cheeks, and tried to shock the ruffian as hard as I could. By now, the whole Café was watching us. Raichu laughed again.

“That actually tickled! Bwahaha!” He turned to April. “And, sweety? Get yourself a better bodyguard!” He laughed again, and chucked me over his shoulder. I hit the floor and skid a couple feet. Raichu and a couple other shady looking characters left the Café laughing. I got up to my feet, wincing as I held the arm I had landed on.

“Oh my gosh! Are you okay?” April said, as she ran over to me.

“Ya, I’m fine, but that guy was a real jerk.”

“Raichu. The guy’s been chasing me ever since he was a Pikachu. He thinks he’s all tough now that he’s bigger than everyone else, and thinks he can get everything he wants, including me. But I shouldn’t worry you about that; you need help with that arm.” She turned to Spinda and shouted “Hey, can I get an Oran berry over here?” Spinda nodded and pulled a blue berry out from under the counter. She tossed to April, who then shoved a piece into my mouth. It was pretty good, and I was feeling better already. She handed me the rest, which I ate as we talked.

“Why didn’t anyone else deal with him? I didn’t see any other Pokemon willing to help. Even Spinda stayed behind her counter.”

“Sparky, did you not just feel what he did to you? Nobody else in here can stand up to him. So he gets to do whatever he wants. But it isn’t just him.”

“What do you mean? Are there others that bully you?” I was concerned now. I had finished my berry, so I was able to stand unaided again.

“No, they don’t bully me. Just him. But there are certain problems with being the only Shiny Emolga around. I get bribe after bribe, gift after gift, all in attempts to win me over. But nobody sees anything but my pretty copper fur. Nobody likes me for who…for who I really am…” She was suddenly on the verge of tears now. I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.

“Hrm. Come on, let’s pay for the meal and get going. I think we’ve seen enough of the town for one day.” I led her to Spinda, and April paid the bill, a whopping 1795 Poke, with some coins she had hidden in a leather pouch under her left wing. Together, we left the restaurant after I made sure Raichu wasn’t waiting outside the door. She mostly led the way, but I tried to comfort her, as she was still very sad. After about a half an hour of our slow walk, we reach a humble house. It looked like a large wooden igloo. The paint was rather messy on the outside and consisted of a metallic red color and splotches of yellow. The door was just tall enough for me and April to walk through. On the inside, it was painted a cozy peach and white color, and wasn’t as messy. There was a bed of straw and hay on a raised wooden platform in the back, as well as small pool of water to the left of it. It seemed to be fed by a small spring. There was only that single bed in the house.

“I’ll sleep on the floor; the guest should have the bed,” April mumbled, obviously still upset.

“No, no, I’ll sleep on the floor. There’s no need for that.” I said, and sat on a soft patch of dirt at the base of the platform which held the bed.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose-”

“Don’t worry about! Seriously, it isn’t a problem.”

“Well, all right, if you say so. But it’s late, so we should get to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.” April jumped up to her bed, and plopped onto the hay. “Maybe the town elder will be able to tell what’s wrong with you. He knows everything, or so it’s told.”

“An elder? I can’t wait to meet him then, if you think he can help me.”

“Then it’s settled: we’ll visit him first thing to tomorrow.” She yawned. “But for now, we sleep.”

After saying good night, I laid on the ground and attempted to fall asleep. But the ground was hard, even though it was the softest part, and my mind was racing. Eventually, I thought to rest my head on my tail, and it was a very good pillow. After my brain had settled down and my exhaustion got the better of me, I fell asleep.

Suddenly, I was in a dark but colorful area. It was a dream, I was sure of it. I felt a presence, and I saw a dark shape, but I couldn’t make it out. Was it saying something? I couldn’t tell. Then, everything went black…
~~~~~~~~
Dun dun dun! Who's the person from Shane's dream? Heck, I don't even know! Just kidding. Similar to the first PMD game, but not entirely. Anyways, it looks like April has some issues after all. I guess it isn't all fun and giggles to be a shiny Emolga.

Anyways, this is a very long chapter, so I hope I don't bore you to death.

Saph~
27th June 2012, 12:44 AM
Wow, you fast at getting chapters out. Left out one letter but...
That's all i noticed, Good chapter too! Excited for the next one. ~saph

Azurus
27th June 2012, 1:42 AM
The letter or word that's missing is "a" in front of counter where you are defining spindas area.

This wasn't boring in the slightest, still had plenty going on, the descriptions weren't too cumbersome and gave me a good idea what the places were like, the encounter with Raichu was pretty neat with what him appearing to be some creep that won't take no for an aswer.

I am enjoying this a lot, can't wait for more and I would ask questions but I'm sure they will be answered and can wait till later if they aren't addressed.

Just one thing... why are there so many electric rodents? Don't have to answer, just something I noticed.

Brutaka
27th June 2012, 2:00 AM
Wow, you fast at getting chapters out. Left out one letter but...
That's all i noticed, Good chapter too! Excited for the next one. ~saph

Thanks, I'm just really into writing this story! And you'd tell me which one, I'd be glad to fix it!


The letter or word that's missing is "a" in front of counter where you are defining spindas area.

This wasn't boring in the slightest, still had plenty going on, the descriptions weren't too cumbersome and gave me a good idea what the places were like, the encounter with Raichu was pretty neat with what him appearing to be some creep that won't take no for an aswer.

I am enjoying this a lot, can't wait for more and I would ask questions but I'm sure they will be answered and can wait till later if they aren't addressed.

Just one thing... why are there so many electric rodents? Don't have to answer, just something I noticed.

Fixed. And I'm glad I didn't bore you! Raichu is a creep. Your questions probably have something to do when April got upset about the money question? It'll be answered. Maybe not in Chapter four, but I don't think you'll have to wait all that long. Not sure :/
As far as all the electric rodents, its actually rather simple. I like Pachirisu and Emolga, and I though they go good together. Raichu was because, well, I figured it would be more likely for an electric rodent to want an electric rodent than anything else. I don't there there are going to be any more electric types for now, unless I can slip Plusle and Minun in there. Oh, I have an idea for them! Hehehehe....

Knightfall
27th June 2012, 2:39 AM
Wow, I mean wow. This is got to be a record, two chapters in rapid sucession, nice job.
This is what a good chapter should look like. Decent pacing, good description of the town, the confrontation with Raichu, all great elements in the chapter.

Salvage teams, eh? Interesting concept, and it sounds like it's going to play a big part in the fic.
( Mind if I use mention it a little in my fic? I'll give credit of course. )

I fear what you have planned with Plusle and Minun.

All in all, great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
27th June 2012, 2:45 AM
Wow, I mean wow. This is got to be a record, two chapters in rapid sucession, nice job.
This is what a good chapter should look like. Decent pacing, good description of the town, the confrontation with Raichu, all great elements in the chapter.

Salvage teams, eh? Interesting concept, and it sounds like it's going to play a big part in the fic.
( Mind if I use mention it a little in my fic? I'll give credit of course. )

All in all, great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Thanks a lot! That means a lot to me! I always respect your input as well, considering your also doing a PMD story. And sure, go ahead. I was thinking all off yesterday on a good name for a new type of teams. I didn't want to copy the games, and they've already claimed Rescuing and Exploring. So I tried something new. Chapter 3 hasn't been started yet, but its on my to-do list.

Brutaka
27th June 2012, 5:59 AM
All right! I was worried I wouldn't get this finished today. I wont be around tomorrow, or much of Thursday. So, in the meantime, enjoy Chapter 3!


Chapter 3
Tour of the Town

“Aaah!” I yelled, as I came out of the dream.

“What? Sparky? What’s going on?” said April, who was now awake.

“Nothing, it was just a dream.” I looked down at myself. I was still a Pachirisu. I sighed, and I was taken by panic again. What if I never turn back? What if I’m stuck like this forever? Then, panic was replaced by sadness. What about my friends, my family? I’m sure had a family. They’ll be missing me so much. I don’t want to do that to them. That’s awful. And my friends! They’ll miss me too. Oh, what on earth will I do if I can’t turn back? I can’t stay like this, in a strange world. Well, April is here at least. But that isn’t right, is it? To have other people worried about me, and cry over my loss, while I’m still here, still alive? I snapped out of my despair for a moment. I looked up at April. She seemed to be caught in sadness as well. “You still sad about yesterday?”

“Yeah. It’s just, wherever I go, people want to be with me. But it’s not because they actually like me for who I am, they like me for my looks, and, recently, my money,” she mumbled, and buried her face into her paws again.

“Money? What do you mean?”

“It’s no secret that I’m loaded. My parents were never very rich, but when I moved out, I decided to do a little practice salvaging. That’s what I was doing in Foggy Woods yesterday. I apparently have a knack for finding things others want, so I ended up accumulating a decent pile of cash. You saw how I was able to pay off that meal like that last night. To most, 1795 Poke is a small fortune. For me, its pocket change. Don’t get me wrong, I love having money, but it complicates things, you know?” She hopped down to ground level with a light thud, and I stood up as well.

“If it makes you feel any better, I was your friend before I knew you had money. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you now. Money is just a number. And, don’t take this the wrong way, but you are very pretty. But it wouldn’t matter if you were uglier that a Feebas, I’d like you anyways. You’re a cool girl, and being your friend is a lot of fun. It’s strange to be able to say all this, seeing how I only met you yesterday.” I was blushing redder than an apple. I was secretly grateful for the fur at this moment.

April was smiling now. “Tee hee! Maybe that’s because it’s true! Have I told you that I like you yet, Sparky?”

“Yes, actually. And do you think that maybe you could call me Shane?”

As we walked over to the door, she said, “Not a chance, Sparky!” and she laughed. I laughed with her.

The sun was bright and high in the sky. We had to squint for a moment. April was even happier now. “This is my kinda weather!” she yelled, and she jumped up in the air and caught a sweet scented breeze that had just passed. She did a couple turns around the house, and then landed beside me again.

“Someone’s in a better mood,” I observed.

“Eh, sadness is over-rated. Now come on! We have a lot to do today!” She tugged on my arm, and we hurried into town square. “So, you’ve seen a few buildings yesterday, which one do you want to start at?”

“Um…That one,” I said, pointing at the green and the purple house.

“Perfect! That’s the Kecleon Shop. You can buy stuff there. Let’s go meet the owners!” And so we ran up to their front counter and rang a little bell that was resting on it.

“Customers? Quick, brother, customers!” The voice came out of the little shack. Then, two Kecleons emerged from behind some drapes. One was green, the other purple. “Oh, April, how good to see you! Are you here to buy some wares for the road?” the green one asked.

“Or maybe you’d like to buy some Orbs or TMs?” the purple one offered.

“Or perhaps you’d like to sell something? And, eh, who’s your friend?” the green one asked, now turning his gaze to me.

“Kecleon, Kecleon, allow me to introduce Shane. I call him Sparky. Tee hee! He’s my new friend!” April said, gesturing rather showily at me.

“Ooh! A new friend! That’s great! Er, is he here to buy something?” the purple one inquired.

“Um, I don’t have any money.” I said.

“Oh no, no money? You can’t buy anything without money, silly!” the green one said, putting a bit of unnecessary drama into it.

“No, I’m just giving him a tour of the town is all. But I promise we’ll by stuff later!” April said, and she was about to leave when something caught her eye in the display counter. “Um, hey, how much is that bag?”

“Oh, this Salvager’s Satchel? It’s on sale today! How does 2000 Poke sound?” the purple one said.

That’s on sale? I thought. But April seemed to agree to the price. She shelled out 2000 Poke, and took the bag. Then she turned to me.

“This would look great on you! Here, put it on!” she shoved my arm through the loop, and hung the bag from my shoulder. “Perfect!”

I want to say that she was just saying that so I’d carry all her stuff, but not wanting to be rude, I agreed. But it was the perfect size for my now one foot tall body. April insisted that I was taller than that, at least one foot four, but that wasn’t much better, relatively speaking.

“All right, where did you want to go next?” she asked me.

After a bit more of fidgeting with the bag, I decided that we’d go to the pink building I had seen coming into to town yesterday. So we walked across the street to the Audino-shaped hut. There was indeed an Audino inside.

“Hi, April!” the Audino greeted. It sounded female, so I went with that.

“Hey, Audino. I’m just leading my new friend through town. He’s, uh, new here.”

“Oh, a foreigner? It’s always good to meet new people!”

“My name is Shane. So, what exactly do you do here?” I asked her.

“I’m a nurse! Whenever salvaging teams come into town and they have been injured in their travels, I fix them right up with a Heal Pulse! My services are very cheap, and usually easy to afford, even to teams that aren’t the most successful.”

”Audino is the best nurse around here. Everyone knows of her,” April commented.

“Well, I couldn’t stand to watch people suffer!”

“Of course not. Well, Sparky, let’s move on. Lot’s of places to check out still.”

“Good bye, you two! If you’re ever hurt, don’t hesitate to ask!” Audino called out, waving good bye.

We waved and continued moving. I avoided the creepy mask building, and decided to visit the Pelipper place.

“This is a post office, isn’t it?” I asked April.

“Right indeed! Pelipper Post is not only a good place to send letters to people quickly, it’s also where I made most of my money.” She pointed at bulletin board near the entrance. “See that board on the wall? When people are in need of a certain item, they post it up there, along with information to where such an item can probably be found, and what the reward will be.”
“That’s convenient!” I said.

“It really is. Many teams when they start off come here, because they aren’t known enough for people to ask for them specifically. Now, where else should we go?”

I skipped over the mask building again, and went to a hut I hadn’t noticed before. The building was shaped like some sort of bunny head. Like the Kecleon Shop, it was divided in half by color. While the structure was mostly crème colored, the left half’s ear was red. Its pouch on its cheek was also red, and had a crème cross. The right hand side’s ear was blue, and its pouch had a crème bar. Its eyes were represented by windows. The shop keepers noticed us, and approached the counter. They looked nearly identical. They were Plusle and Minun. Plusle spoke first.

“Welcome to Plusle and Minun’s Link Shop! Would you like to have your move’s linked?” Plusle was female.

“Linked? What does that mean?” I asked.

“Linking a move means that in a battle, should it come along, you can use two moves or more at the same time. It comes in handy often. You could link a stat lowering move with an attack and do more damage as a result. Or, you could link a stat raising move with an attack to achieve a similar effect,” Minun answered. This one was male.

“500 Poke for a full linking session for you and your party,” Plusle offered.

“Um, no thanks, I don’t think we’d be able to make full use of your services at the moment. But if we do wish to have our moves linked in the future, you’ll be sure that we will come to you!” April said as we began to walk away.

“I’ll hold you to it!” Minun shouted back, as the two of them waved good bye.

“All right, where to next?”

“How about that brown building?”

“Good choice, as always.” And so we strolled over to the structure, which I could now recognize as being a Kangaskhan. There was one of them managing the counter as well.

“Hello Kangaskhan!” April said as we approached the counter.

“Why, if it isn’t little April! How you been lately? Oh, and who’s your buddy?” she said. She sounded a little older than the other Pokemon we’ve met today.

“Oh you know, same old, same old. And this is Sparky!”

“Ah-hem, my name is Shane,” I attempted to say.
“Anyways, Sparky, this is the storage unit of Salvage Springs. Put your items in here, and you’ll never lose them! Her service is even free of charge! She’s a very nice Pokemon.”

“Mmhmm,” Kangaskhan agreed, “Tell you what. Seeing as you’re new, I have a gift you!” She went back into her hut and searched through her hut. During the search, she muttered things like, “Is it in here? Nope,” and, “What about here? Nah.”

I whispered to April, “And we’ll never lose them? Are sure about that?”

“Hee hee. Oh, it’s in there, just don’t expect her to be fast about it!” After about five minutes of looking, she finally came back out.

“Here it is! It’s a Sky Scarf! Perfect for our little Pachirisu here,” She handed me a sky blue scarf with a winged lightning bolt depicted on it. I put it on like a bandana around my neck, and April helped me tie the knot. I, unfortunately, couldn’t reach back there.

“Wow, your lucky Sparky! Sky Scarves are both rare and powerful,” April said as she finished the knot.

“Really? What does it do?”

“A Sky Scarf makes you lighter. Not only does this make you more agile, but it makes Ground attacks do less damage to you, especially one’s involving, well, the ground. And, tee hee, it looks pretty nifty!” April explained.

“Thank you so much Kangaskhan!” I was immediately able to appreciate why such a scarf would be useful.

“Not a problem at all, little buddy! Good luck on your travels, should you have any!”

“Well, Sparky, the only place left in the square is that one right there.” April nodded at the mask building.

“What is that place? It’s creepy!”

“That,” April started as we walked towards it, “is the Yamask Bank. You can store money there. Most of my small fortune is actually in that building. I’ll need to get some more Poke, I’ve spent a lot lately.”

“Oh, sorry about that.”

“No, don’t be! It isn’t your fault, and remember, I’m loaded.” When we approached the counter, the black Pokemon holding a mask greeted us.

“Weeelcome to Yaaamask’s Bank. Stooore your money heeeeeere and it will stay here. Fooorever, if you wish…” the Pokemon said. It actually frightened me. The way his talking sounded like breathing unnerved me. “Ooooh, its you Aaaapril. Here to store more moneeey?”

“Hee hee! No, I’m here to actually restore my spending cash. Can I withdraw another 3000 Poke?”

“But of coooourse.” Yamask retreated into the hut, and came back out levitating a pile of coins. “Here you are Aaaaapril…”

“Thanks a ton, Yamask. And here, a coin for your trouble,” April said as she took the pile. After stowing it in her leather pouch, she tossed a coin at Yamask, who caught it with his Psychic power.

“Your chaaarity is much appreciaaated…” the Pokemon said, and retreated into the hut.

As we walked back into the center or town, I whispered to April, “That guy freaked me out.”

“Tee hee! Oh, you’ll get used to him. He’s actually a pretty cool dude. Now, we’ve gone to each shop, so I guess it’s time we meet the elder then isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to meet him, actually.”

“Well then, let’s go!” I followed April to the south of town. The path led to a small grove and had a pond in the center. “Well that’s odd.”

“What’s odd?”

“He’s usually there, floating above the pond. But he doesn’t seem to be around.”

A familiar voice from behind caught our attention. “Ya, he probably got scared off. Figures, the coward. April, sweety, are you finally gonna confess your true feelings for me? Or will I have to beat up the shorty instead?”
~~~~~~~~
Oh no, look it is...
I said it once, I'll say it again, DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! Lol. Another long chapter, a little dull, but it was necessary, and it was fun to think up all the personalities. Chapter 2 was longer, but only by about a page.

Azurus
27th June 2012, 10:33 AM
Hmmm.... linking seems out of place, I wouldn't think of them actually referring to techniques as status or damage types, maybe it's just me.

Yamask stole duskulls line! I smell a lawsuit if duskull ever finds out XD

All in all a decent chapter, like you said, it was necesarry but the moment of tension at the end made it all worth it.

Knightfall
27th June 2012, 4:40 PM
I can't help but be impressed at the rate you're getting these chapters written.
Well, this was a good chapter.
Not many issues with it, except when Duskull finds out about Yanmask stealing his lines.

You went into nice detail with each shop, I didn't have any problem visualizing the town.
And the cliffhanger with the Elder going missing and our least favorite creep Raichu showing up adds to the tension.

As always, I'm looking forward to chapter four.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
27th June 2012, 4:41 PM
Hmmm.... linking seems out of place, I wouldn't think of them actually referring to techniques as status or damage types, maybe it's just me.

They know what stat boosting moves, status, and attacks. Pokemon are smart enough to know the difference. They may not know anything about IV and EV and such, but they can figure out that certain moves boost their power or lower an opponents at time. And the Link Shop is another part of town that they'd obviously visit during a tour. I just decided that they shopkeepers would actually be there in the beginning. But since Shane only knows one move, the couldn't make use of the service anyways.


Yamask stole duskulls line! I smell a lawsuit if duskull ever finds out XD

I dunno. I think he'd be cool with it. They're both pretty laid back pokemon.



All in all a decent chapter, like you said, it was necesarry but the moment of tension at the end made it all worth it.

I had to spice it up somewhat. I knew it was getting a tad dull. But I did try to spice the story somewhat here and there. The beginning was good enough(maybe Shane wanting to admit his feelings?). Then I tried to give each shop keeper its own feel. The Kecleon's are to over-anxious salesmen, Audino is a kind nurse, Pulse and Minun are happy go lucky(though they don't talk much in that ch.), Kangaskhan is like a kind old lady, maybe sharing a speech pattern of Lenora? Yamask, is like I said before, generally laid back.


I can't help but be impressed at the rate you're getting these chapters written.
Well, this was a good chapter.
Not many issues with it, except when Duskull finds out about Yanmask stealing his lines.

I don't think he'll mind. Or ever find out, hehe



You went into nice detail with each shop, I didn't have any problem visualizing the town.
And the cliffhanger with the Elder going missing and our least favorite creep Raichu showing up adds to the tension.
Yup, least favorite scumbag comes to the rescue lighten up the story. What a hero. Not.


As always, I'm looking forward to chapter four.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;
Late evening Thursday, or maybe Friday morning at the latest.

Brutaka
29th June 2012, 3:39 AM
lol, sorry for the wait you all! Not that it was that long. But here's Chapter Four!


Chapter Four
Story Time with an Elder
“Raichu,” April and I growled. And there he was, standing at the entrance to the grove. “Don’t you ever let up? April all ready said that she doesn’t like you. And she never will!” I was yelling at this point. Power was slowly accumulating inside of me, but I didn’t need it cackling right now, so I suppressed it.

“Go away Raichu. Don’t make me call on the elder, because I will do it.” April had her paws clenched, and she was about as angry as me.

“The elder? He’s a wuss. A coward. He’ll never do anything to me, nobody can beat me!” As Raichu started to gather electricity in his own cheeks, a small voice interrupted him. The voice itself didn’t seem to originate from anywhere.

“Call me a coward again….I…DARE…you.” The voice seemed young, but it also had wisdom behind it.

“About time you spoke up. Ya, I’ll say it! Coward! You still haven’t shown yourself!”

“You want me to show myself? Very well, approach the water’s edge, if you think your man enough,” the voice sneered. This time the sound was centered above the lake.

“Man enough? I’ll show you man enough!” Raichu approached the pond, and stood on the shore. The pond itself was no more than a foot deep, and it was clear and calm. But then the water began to bubble. Raichu looked on and awaited the elder. April then took a step closer to me, and motioned for me to back up to the tree line.

“You may want to cover your eyes and ears,” she whispered softly to me.

“What? Why?”

“Just trust me. I guess you can watch if you want, but don’t say anything!”

I was now anxiously waiting for what was going to happen. Raichu was still staring at the water when suddenly, a huge, fifteen-foot tall, jet black monster sprang from the shallow pond! It had menacing red eyes, and huge wings with spiky tips that matched its eye color. And it made the most awful screech that seemed to pierce your very soul. I would have screamed in terror, but April had clamped her paw on my mouth. Raichu was paralyzed by fear. He stared at it, completely numb for nearly ten seconds. Then he took a step back, turned around, and ran out of the grove screaming. I would have made a similar reaction, but April’s nonchalance about the whole thing seemed to reassure me.

The screeching stopped as Raichu left, and the monster began to shrink. It then turned golden, and slowly assumed a spherical shape. When the sphere was about a foot tall, it stopped shrinking. It grew two dolphin gray tails with small rubies in them and, as if it were some sort of Sandshrew, it uncurled itself. Its body was mostly a gray-blue tone. On its head was a golden part that looked much like hair. It wore a larger red ruby on its forehead, over the gold piece. Its eyes were completely shut.

“And you call me the coward,” the small creature said in a bitter tone. Then he saw us and smiled. “April! Glad to see you again! I hope I didn’t scare you!”

“Nah, I knew what you were doing. You pulled the same thing on me once! But, uh, I think you may have given my friend here a heart attack, tee hee!” April then slowly let me go. My heart was racing and my eyes were still wide.

“What…in Arceus’s name…WAS THAT?” I yelled, perhaps a tad too loudly.

“That, friend, was my representation of the Renegade Pokemon, Giratina. It’s pretty useful for scaring unwanted visitors,” the being replied.

“It scared me all right. That was awful! I thought I would have died just from how scared I was! Puts a whole new spin on ‘being scared to death’…But anyways, you’re the elder aren’t you?” I had to put that whole event behind me. I just hoped it wouldn’t haunt my nightmares.

“Oh! Yes, I completely forgot to introduce you! Sparky, this is Uxie, elder of Salvage Spring, and also the spirit of wisdom.” April interjected.

“Much obliged, Shane,” Uxie said with a small bow and a smirk.

“But wait, how did you know my name? April called me Sparky like all ways, and I didn’t tell you…”

“Haha, I’m Uxie, being of wisdom! I know everything! It’s my job to.”

“Which is why we need to talk to you about something. I don’t know if you’d know the answer or not, but I thought it’d be worth a shot.” April started to explain. “So take a look at Sparky here. He looks like a totally normal Pachirisu right? He’s got the tail, the buck teeth, the electric pouches, the whole nine yards, right? Well get this, he’s a human! How is this even possible, Uxie?”

“Hmm. I knew that Shane had been a human. But I have no idea how he became a Pachirisu. It hurts to admit this, but the reason is outside my knowledge.”

“But I though you said you knew everything. How could you not know?” I wondered.

“I know what I said. But the knowledge is being kept from me. Someone of higher power isn’t letting me find the answer.”

“But who could that be?” I was getting impatient

“I know of one, but that isn’t important.”

“But has this sort of thing ever happened before? A human turning into a Pokemon?” April asked.

“Actually, there has. Twice, by my knowledge.”

“Really? How? What happened? Tell us!” I was elated at the fact that we might be getting somewhere.

“Well, it was quite a long time ago, before this town was even here. But I’ll tell you of the first event…” Uxie then began his tale.


The Elder Recounts the Day of the Meteor

“A long time ago, a disaster loomed on the horizon. This disaster had sparked smaller calamities around the globe, and caused many Pokemon to go feral, much like they have now. A shooting start was crashing to the planet. One day a Pokemon had woken up in the middle of the woods. It was disoriented, and rightly so, as he had been a human who turned into a Pokemon, like you. It soon met a partner Pokemon, and together they rescued a lost Caterpie. Until they could find out why the transformation had occurred, they formed a Rescue Team together. On their journey, they saved the lives of hundreds of Pokemon whose lives had been changed by the impending meteor.

“They sought many different Pokemon, thinking that they could find the answer to their puzzle. They found a Xatu, who stares unblinkingly into the sun in order to see all things. But he turned them away. He didn’t have the answers they sought. They talked to their own town elder, a kind Whiscash. But he didn’t know either. However, he told them of a Ninetales that had the power to curse people who touched her tails by turning them into Pokemon. This would also bring disaster to the world. But when they thought they had good standing in their village, a cruel Gengar had revealed to the whole town that the ex-human had not always been a Pokemon, as they had kept that a secret, and that that transformation would destroy the world. The two partners had to flee the town as fugitives. In the dead of night, they escaped and went on a journey to find this Ninetales.

“After many hours and long nights, they reached a place that knew no life, only harsh snow and ice. But in the middle of the frozen wasteland, they found a mountain. In this mountain was a hollow. They went inside in search of Ninetales. But instead, they were cornered by one of the best teams in the world that had been tracking them. And just when they thought it was over, Ninetales revealed herself. She said that the hero was not the human of the myth. That Pokemon was elsewhere. Regrettably, Ninetales did not know the reason of this one’s transformation. But at least now they could return to town. They disproved all the rumors, and revealed Gengar as being a fraud.

“The answer to the hero’s dilemma came to him in his recurring dreams. A Gardevoir that had appeared to him in those dreams told him that he was turned into a Pokemon to save the world from a coming disaster. She neglected to tell him what that was exactly. Xatu had provided that answer. He revealed that a star was falling to the planet. The smartest Pokemon in the region, an Alakazam, had told them that they had to go to Rayquaza, and ask him to destroy it. With the combined powers of Xatu, Alakazam, and another unknown Pokemon, they created a gem that sent the team to Sky Tower, Rayquaza’s home. After climbing the structure, and defeating the mighty beast in battle, he destroyed the meteor. With his quest complete, the hero began to fade. He was to return to his home land. But he didn’t want to. By using his sheer will power, he commanded to be brought back to his partner. The cosmos agreed, and he was taken to his friend. And together, they became the best Rescue Team known to Pokemon…”

“Wow, what a happy ending, tee hee!”

“It was quite a story, wasn’t it?” Uxie said, tired from his long tale.

After a few minutes to digest the information, I spoke up. “So, do you think that the world is in danger, and I’ve been sent here to save it? That’s a lot of responsibility!”

“Maybe, maybe not. The other story was a little different. The hero in that one wasn’t sent by divine power, and the whole thing was a big accident. But I’m much too tired after that tale, and I don’t want to bore you to death with another long speech.”

“It wasn’t boring. It was a good story. But if you don’t want to tell us the second one today, we’ll come back later,” April, stretching. “Besides, I have things I want to discuss with Sparky here.”

“Thank you and I appreciate your time. Feel free to visit again someday!” And with that, Uxie vanished. April motioned for me to start walking back with her.

“So, what did you think of the story, Sparky?”

“Well, it was both troubling and exciting. First, it could be that I was sent here like this for a specific purpose. And last night, I had this weird dream. I felt like someone was watching. It was strange. But one of the biggest things was, was that if I was sent here for a reason, then after I do what I’m supposed to do, I’ll get to go back! Simple as that.”

“Woah there, Sparky! Those are some big ‘If’s, and if you’re supposed to stop some big calamity or something, how on earth do you propose do that? You can barely knock out a Beedrill!”

“Well, you don’t have to be so negative about it. I was just saying…”

“I know. But we have to think rationally about this. And that’s not all I wanted to talk to you about. Remember how I said that I’ve always wanted to be in a Salvaging Team? Well, going alone isn’t very safe anymore, and I think that--what I mean is--do you think that--Oh bother, would you like to start a team together?” April finally managed to spit out.

“Oh! A Salvaging Team? Uh-” Just as I was about to answer, I heard a large commotion in some trees to my right. “What is that, April?”

“I dunno. Wanna check it out?” And so we walked over to where we heard the noise. It was some Mankey. It seemed like they were arguing over a small golden object. They were trying to steal it from each other, and then hide it from the others. They noticed us watching. They didn’t like that.

“Why are they mad at us?” I asked,

“I don’t think these are in control of themselves. I think they’re like the Beedrill!”

“Which means we’re gonna have to fight them, right?”

“Yup. So get ready! It’s two on three!” And with that, April shocked a Mankey. However unlike the Beedrill, it didn’t fall. The blast hurt, but now the Mankey was even angrier! It jumped down from the tree, along with the others. The angriest one charged at April, its fists glowing. April tried to jump out of the way, but the pig-monkey was too fast. Mankey’s Karate Chop hit April hard in the side. She went flying back a couple feet. But she got back on her feet in no time. “You’re gonna pay that!” She yelled.

As the other two Mankey joined the fight, I did as well. I charged electricity around me, and delivered a powerful Spark attack to the closet one. But like April’s attack, it didn’t knock it out. I noticed that with April fighting one Mankey already, I had to fend off two of them at once. As soon as I dodged one attack, I tried to unleash mine, but the other had already recovered and was in the battle again. April finally knocked her opponent out. Now the battle was evened out, two on two. But both April and I were tired, and only one of the remaining Mankey showed signs of injury. As I charged another Spark attack, and April readied hers, the two Mankey all of a sudden tackled April full-force at the same time. She moaned, and tried to get up, but then she lost consciousness.

What happened next was a bit of a blur. I remember that I got really angry. Power had built up inside of me, and then harsh blue lightning fired from my body, shocking both Mankey at once. They dropped the object they had been keeping, and ran off. The first Mankey woke up and did the same. After stowing the object in my bag, I walked over to April, but she wouldn’t awaken. Knowing exactly what to do, I picked her up over my shoulder, and started to run into town. I was so worried that I could barely feel her weight.

Thankfully it wasn’t too much farther into town square. Upon reaching the Audino there, I set April in front of her and laid some of April’s Poke on the counter.

“Oh my, what happened?” Audino asked.

“Some Mankey, just outside of town to the south. We beat them, but they knocked out April,” I explained. “Can you revive her?”

“Yes., just stand back.” When I was far enough away, Audino’s palms glowed pink. “All right, here we go! Heal Pulse!” A soft ray of pink light came from her paws and into April. When the light faded, April stirred.

“What, what happened? Sparky, did I let those pig monkeys beat me?” she said, as soon as she could sit up.

“Yes. But you’re okay now. Audino helped you.”

“Thanks, Audino!”

“Don’t thank me. Thank your friend here. He carried you all the way from the outskirts of town with you on his back.” Audino replied, waving it off.

“Really, Sparky? You did that for me?”

“It was nothing, really. Now come on, it’s getting late and we both need rest.” I said, helping April to her feet. The sky was red-orange now. It would be night soon. “Thanks again, Audino!” I called back.

“Anytime!” Audino waved goodbye as we walked back home. The trip was quiet for the most part. Every time I looked at April and our eyes met, she looked away with a tiny smile. It wasn’t normal for April to be shy. I wonder what’s gotten into her.

You don’t suppose…you don’t suppose she likes me? Like, in that way? Nah, that’s crazy talk. It isn’t like her. And what on earth am I doing thinking these thoughts again? I shook the ponderings away. When we arrived at April’s house, I stopped her as well we were about to walk inside.

“April? Right before we were attacked by the Mankey, you had asked me a question. You wanted to know if I would like to form a Salvaging Team with you. Well, I think that would be a wonderful idea!”

April’s face lit up with a big grin.

~~~~Meawhile, at the Elder Pond~~~~

Uxie was deep in thought as he floated above the water.
It’s strange that I really couldn’t help them. I was truthful for the most part. But I had all ready known that Shane was human. But April knew his secret, and so I did as well. But someone on this planet HAS to know the reason for his transformation. Hmm. I know who to ask then. It’s Him that knows. But I don’t, because His knowledge is shielded from my power. And I can’t touch the knowledge of a select few others, including Shane himself. The One's will must be doing it. And if that’s true, then there’s nothing I can do for the poor kid…
~~~~~~~~

So, how was that? Nice opening, a little dry with the elder (but come on, what town elder isnt a little dull at story time?), good battle scene, tiny bit more into the romance that'll be in the background for the most part, and mysterious ponderings of the elder. And mods, this IS all one chapter. the story has its own Sub heading is all. Just wanted to clear that up in case trouble brews...

Knightfall
29th June 2012, 4:16 AM
Nice chapter, you're doing pretty well with this fic. Four chapters in under a week, I'm still impressed.

The scene with Uxie the Elder and Raichu was amusing if anything else.
Uxie's story was alittle dry considering I know the story, but for someone who doesn't, it explains the plot of the first game clearly.

The battle with the Mankey group was pretty good considering that it's your first battle scene you've written.
It was still a bit fast paced, and a bit more description could be used, but it's good.

I wonder who the Pokemon Uxie is thinking about.
Can't wait until the next chapter.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
29th June 2012, 4:25 AM
Nice chapter, you're doing pretty well with this fic. Four chapters in under a week, I'm still impressed.
Yup. I'm fast at what I do. For now anyways. Five to be started tonight, to be finished...I dunno. Tomorrow if not tonight.


The scene with Uxie the Elder and Raichu was amusing if anything else.
I was going for some humor for a nice change of pace. Plus, I like messing with Raichu. MUHAHAHAHAHa. Eh, the guy had it coming.

Uxie's story was alittle dry considering I know the story, but for someone who doesn't, it explains the plot of the first game clearly.
I'm trying to find a balance in how much overview I give here and there. I have viewers that both are Pokemon die-hards and some that don't know anything more than Pikachu and Bulbasaur.


The battle with the Mankey group was pretty good considering that it's your first battle scene you've written.
It was still a bit fast paced, and a bit more description could be used, but it's good.
Think so? Yes, I see where your coming from. It probably could do with more description. Though small battles like this tend to be over fast. The first dungeons in the game have Pokemon that fall in two hits :/ Weaklings. Anyways, Shane ended it the way he did do to something special about him. He wont go Hulk-angry like that again for a while, but it will happen again.



I wonder who the Pokemon Uxie is thinking about.
Can't wait until the next chapter.
You mean that you couldn't tell? Huh. I thought I was obvious. But the longer the secret's kept, the better the stories ending will be I guess.

Brutaka
29th June 2012, 6:30 AM
oh yeah, i'm on a roll tonight! Here's Chapter 5! Slightly shorter, but shouldn't be so dull. Though I think I rushed the battle scene again. I really need to get better at that. :/


Chapter Five
The First Salvage

It’s that dream again. It’s so weird. And who is that? I can see a shape. It’s big. But I can’t make it out. Oh, it’s no use, its fading.

I awoke from my sleep slowly. I was still a little groggy. But then I heard a strange knocking sound. This house doesn’t have a door. And it doesn’t sound like they’re knocking on the wall…

“Hey, April, what’s that noise?” No answer. “April?” I checked her bed. She wasn’t there. I decided to go outside to look. And there she was. April had some sort of hammer-like object and she was using it nail a wooden box to a post. “April? What are you doing?”

“Sparky? Oh good morning! Tee hee, what does it look like? I’m installing a mailbox!”

“A mailbox? Why didn’t you have one before? And why all the rush now?”

“Because, silly, before, I didn’t need to receive messages from far away people. But now we’re going to be a Salvage Team! That means we can receive requests from people who don’t even live here! Isn’t that great?”

“Oh, that makes sense. So, April, what are we doing today?”

“First thing’s first: we need to register our team. We can do that at the Post, as well as confirm our address on their mailing logs. But, back to the team, we’re going to need a name.”

“Our name? Well, it should fit us. Let’s both think for a moment.”

Okay, so what should our name be? PokePals? No...Thunder? Good, but a bit cliché and obvious. Lightning isn’t much better. Tea Weavile? No, that’s stupid...This is harder than I thought.

“I can’t think of any,” I admitted.

“Let’s call it Sparky! In honor of you!” April seemed to like it. I was taken aback.

“After me? Why me?”

“You saved me yesterday! And I’d never have been able to make the team without you!”

“Well, well, um, I dunno...” I was stuttering. For what seemed to be the umpteenth time, I was very glad for fur.

“Come on, it’ll be great! Now let’s go!” And so we left for Pelipper Post. The journey there was short and uneventful. Once we were inside the building, a Pelipper handed April some type of form. After filling it out, he informed us that we’d have to wait for the Salvaging Master’s approval. The Pelipper left to find him.

“So, once we talk to this Master, then we’ll be a Salvaging Team for real?” I asked.

“Tee hee! That’s the gist of it!”

“What’s he like? The Salvaging Master, I mean.”

“Oh, you’ll see soon enough.” Indeed, only a few seconds later, we were called into a separate room. It was bare, save for a couple rusty metal contraptions hanging around, and a multitude of shiny objects stuck to the wall. Standing in the middle of the room was not one, but two Pokemon. One was blue, and looked like a weird blob with a tail and two arms. The other was a dark black, red, and white bird. It looked like a giant crow with a weird hat on. The crow, known as Honchkrow, spoke first.

“So you two wish to be Salvagers, eh? What makes you qualified? You’re both electric types. You share similar weaknesses. Not smart.” The Honchkrow was male, going against what I had though originally.

“Don’t be so hard on them. After all, the Emolga, April, it says here? April doesn’t share the Pachirisu’s only weakness, which is Ground. And the Pachirisu, Shane, doesn’t share April’s weaknesses either. The same types resist them, sure, but that’s all in the name of salvaging! And besides, they make an absolutely adorable team, don’t they?” That was the Quagsire. It was female, also going against my presumption. I decided I’m not good at guessing genders.

“However cute you two may be, I ask again, what makes you qualified?” The question was directed at us.

“We’ve survived a swarm of Beedrill in Foggy Woods!” Honchkrow scoffed at April’s reason. She continued. “We’ve beaten a trio of angry Mankey!”

“I heard rumors around town that you fainted in the middle of that battle, is that true?” Honchkrow asked with a smirk.

“Irk. I’ve been salvaging all of my life!”

“I need proof, hard proof! Do you have it? It doesn’t appear that way.” Honchkrow continued. Quagsire was silent through all of this. I spoke up finally.

“Well, I, uh, salvaged this. Is that good enough?” I reached into my bag and pulled out the golden object from yesterday.

“Ooooh! Shiny!” Quagsire muttered. She appeared to be in a trance.

“That! That is a rare artifact! Only deities of high power or respect carry these! Where did you get it! You didn’t steal it did you?” Honchkrow gave us a dubious look.

“No, the Mankeys had it! They were playing with it. When we beat them, they dropped it. Honest!”

“Oh, Honchy, that’s good enough right?” Quagsire stared at her partner.

“But...Well all right, fine. It’s good enough.”

“Yay! Then, by my title as Salvaging Master, I declare Team Sparky to be formed! May your luck prosper, and may you find all the shiny things!” Quagsire put on a little dance, and took a box from the corner. “Here’s everything you’ll need.”

“It’s a starter kit, of course! Thanks Quagsire!” April said, accepting the gift.

“Well, open it!” the Quagsire urged. We opened the box. Inside was a map of the area, some badges, and a piece of ribbon.

“Wow! This ribbon! It’s so pretty!” April squealed. She pulled it out and tied it around her ear. It looked breathtaking on her. Stop that, brain!Originally it was white. But then it changed color! It turned red-copper, and displayed a lightning bolt on it. It had strange earthy patterns to it. It looked even better on her now. Really? Cut it out! I can’t like a Pokemon!My thanks go to the fur again.

“Not only is it fashionable, but it lowers the effectiveness of your biggest weakness. Judging by the markings, I’d say it lowers your Rock weakness,” Quagsire informed.

“Cool! It’s kinda like your Sky Scarf, Sparky!”

“The lightning bolt even matches. Now, what else is in here? Cool, a map,” I said, pulling out the Salvager’s Map. I stowed it in my bag. “And some badges. I’m guessing to signify we’re Salvagers?”

“And to show your rank. The gem in the middle will change color when you’ve ranked up. It’s a brilliant piece work,” Quagsire chimed in. Currently, the badge itself was circular, and appeared a little rusty. It had wing designs coming out of either side. They were made with gears and other pieces of metal. It looked rather steam punk. The gem in the middle was pasty white. “You start at Normal Rank, and go from there. The highest anyone has ever gone is Diamond. Try to shoot higher!”

“Awesome. Thanks you two!” April said, putting the finishing arranging on her bow. Then, after stowing everything away, we waved good bye and left the Post Office.

“Well, we have nearly all of our day left. What are we supposed to do now?” I asked April.

“I’m so psyched about Salvaging after all of that! Let’s go on a hunt!”

“Well, what do we do? Just walk around the forest and see if we can find something?”

“No, silly! Don’t you remember the Bulletin Board?” I really should have remembered. I was standing right in front of it.

“Oh, yeah, that. Well, what should we take? There’s bunches on here!”

“Well, we don’t want to take one that would involve too much traveling, as we have spent some of our day already. So a Foggy Woods quest would be the best. There’s a couple listed. Let’s see...one is asking to find a piece of metal, it looks like a silver cube, somewhere on the outskirts of Foggy Woods. Does that sound good?”

“Sure. Let’s go find that box!”

“Well, take down the notice, and put it on your bag. Then we can get going. It will take a while to get up the slope. After stowing the paper away, we started out.

After what seemed to be an hour of running, we arrived at the forest’s edge.

“So, do we know where to start?” I asked.

“The paper said it was on the outskirts of the forest. It also mentioned a sort of clearing. It didn’t say much else.”

“Than we better get looking.” So first we headed east. We searched around there for a while. Every so often we encountered a rogue Pokemon or two. We simply shocked them unconscious and kept on our way. After we were convinced it wasn’t over here, we took a break.

“Man, I’m beat. I need an Apple.” I grabbed an Apple that I had stowed in my bag before we left in case I got hungry.

“You got one of those for me too, Sparky?”

“Ya, here you go.” I tossed her an Apple. We rested for a few minutes while we ate, and then headed back to the path. “It’s a real let down that we haven’t found it yet.”

“Hey, these things take patience. I’m sure it’ll be on the eastern side.” So, we headed east. We didn’t have much luck until we heard a metallic ‘ting’. We turned to the direction of the sound. We heard birds in that direction too. We decided to follow it. Sure enough, we found a clearing. In the middle was a metal cube. It was being pecked by a Spearow. There were more around it. There must have been ten or more in all.

The center one noticed us, said something I didn’t understand, and then all of a sudden, the birds were trying to dive bomb us! Quickly, April launched a Thundershock at the closest one, and it fell. I caught one that came at me from the right, and shocked it as I made contact. April barely dodged another one, but I got hit on my back. It hurt, but I was still able to fight. We both ended up with plenty of scrapes. I grabbed another on its way to peck me, and I shocked it as well. April had also downed a couple. She looked like she’s taken a few hits like me, but she was still at it. Then, I saw one was going to dive bomb April. It looked really fast. I tried running, but I knew I was too slow. April couldn’t hear me either, she was too busy. So I willed myself to run faster. I knew I had to catch the bird before it hit April directly like that, or she could get really hurt, maybe even faint. And then all of a sudden, I felt contact with the bird, and it fell to the ground, out cold.

“Sparky? Since when could you do Quick Attack?”

“Uh, right now?”

“Sweet. Come on, let’s finish them off!” And so we picked off one more each quickly enough. April decided to fly around to get the one’s that were waiting for their friends to fall before rushing in. I sometimes climbed trees, which was easy in this form, to get at the ones that were higher. I didn’t get as many as April did, but I still couldn’t launch my electric attack like her. Quick Attack helped. It let me dodge the fast ones, and knock out others before they took off again.

After fifteen minutes of fighting the Spearow, only one was left. It was the first one that called the attack. Some of the others woke up, but they fled. When he saw that his friends were leaving, he got scared and flew off. I retrieved the cube that was left in the clearing, and stowed it in my bag.

“Mission Accomplished!” I yelled.

“Tee hee! Yup! Oh, and guess what? Our badges have another function. Watch this.” April got her badge ready. She pushed the gem on the badge. A bright light surrounded us, I felt light, then really dizzy, and then it was over. But we weren’t in Foggy Forest anymore. We were in the Post Office! And across from us was a bright faced Elgyem. It was our client.

“Neat! We’re in the Post Office. But why didn’t we do that to get there?” I asked.

“Because, silly, it only goes here. And it only works when you successfully complete a mission. And, look, it’s our requester.”

“Do you have my cube?” the Elgyem asked. Its voice was strange and metallic.

“Uh, ya, here you go!” I took the metal box from the bag and handed it over.

“Oh, thank you, thank you! And for you, your reward!” Elgyem took the cube and handed us a pile of Poke. He also gave us a Luminous Orb, which I stowed in my bag. “I’m gonna tell all my friends about you guys!” And with that, he left.

“Isn’t that nice? Doesn’t it feel good to help people? But we should get going ourselves. It’s late.” April suggested.

“Yeah. Come on, we can do more tomorrow!” April and I walked home after that. As I walked inside, I noticed something was different. Rather than April’s single bed on the platform, there were now two beds together on a larger platform.

“When did this happen?” I asked.

“I had someone fix up another bed while we were away, so you wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor.” April jumped up to her bed, and invited me to do the same. I hopped up to my bed. It felt very soft.

“This is awesome April! Thanks!”

“Well, I figured you’re gonna be around for a while, probably, so you need a proper place to sleep. Now we should get some shut eye.” She laid down on here bed of hay, and I did the same. I ended up curling up and sleeping on my tail like before. But it was much more comfortable than the floor. I stretched, and I promptly fell asleep.

In my dreams, I was confronted by the same presence as always. It attempted to speak, but I couldn’t hear it.

“Y...rg....w...l....fi...gr...t...s...ww...”

~~~~~~~~

Yeah, I botched the battle scene. Any tips besides 'Slow down!' and 'moar descriptions' and 'you suck' ? Those tips help, but you've kinda said them already. If you could specifically help me in how to not go so fast, then please, tell me. That's why I hate 8 page research papers: I always get to each point too quickly. In other news, there's one non-pokemon reference in here. you get 1 internetz if you find it!

Azurus
29th June 2012, 8:08 AM
Honchcrow has a musketeer/gangster hat, mismagius has a witch hat.

The elder scene was interesting but the story I've read/heard several times before, but like it was mentioned before, some people haven't played the games before.

I can't really picture the spearow battle but the mankey one was good enough.

You might want reread chapter 5 out loud, you accidently a lot of words there one of them being "you will pay that" and I'm sure no matter how you speak, you will never say that phrase like that (unless the person saying that lost a lot of intelligence)

Also I was busy at work and didn't catch this update, I swear I wasn't sleeping.

Anyway, decent chapters but like you said, was a little rushed. Maybe add a few more events in the chapters but minor ones, maybe encounter other novice teams along the way. (No way are they the only ones actively doing something around here.

Looking forward to more and I don't think anyone ever said you suck.

Knightfall
29th June 2012, 2:33 PM
Like Azurus said, there were a lot of words missing. It would help to just give the chapter a good read before you post it.
Don't think that I'm berating you, I have so spend a couple days editing my chapters, and a few mistakes still get through.

Besides the fact that the overall chapter seemed rushed, it was a decent chapter.
Tons of events happening, registering as a Salvage Team, their first mission, and the battle to get the cube.

So my advice, aside from "slow down!" is do a bit of proofreading before you post the chapter.
You'll catch a lot of your mistakes that way, and you can see what can be written better, too.
You and your work are far from " you suck! ", we're just trying to help.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
29th June 2012, 6:38 PM
Honchcrow has a musketeer/gangster hat, mismagius has a witch hat.
My bad. It looked witchey to me. Meh.


The elder scene was interesting but the story I've read/heard several times before, but like it was mentioned before, some people haven't played the games before.
Yup yup. Quite necessary for those who haven't played.


I can't really picture the spearow battle but the mankey one was good enough.
The Spearow one was tough to think of a way to work it out. There was like 10 of them, and they were all called 'Spearow'. :/


might want reread chapter 5 out loud, you accidently a lot of words there one of them being "you will pay that" and I'm sure no matter how you speak, you will never say that phrase like that (unless the person saying that lost a lot of intelligence)
Wow, really? I proofread it in the same way that I did the last four. Huh :/


Also I was busy at work and didn't catch this update, I swear I wasn't sleeping.
Twas a joke.


Anyway, decent chapters but like you said, was a little rushed. Maybe add a few more events in the chapters but minor ones, maybe encounter other novice teams along the way. (No way are they the only ones actively doing something around here.)
Hmm. True. But it was already part of the way through the day. Other teams would have been to farther dungeons with missions that are harder. April and Shane are the newest, and the newest team before them are already at least at the second dungeon. But I see your point.


Looking forward to more and I don't think anyone ever said you suck.
Twas another joke ;)


Like Azurus said, there were a lot of words missing. It would help to just give the chapter a good read before you post it.
Don't think that I'm berating you, I have so spend a couple days editing my chapters, and a few mistakes still get through.
When I write, I usually don't make many mistakes anyways, but I always proofread, including this time. I guess I was tired or something. I'll have to check it through again. And my brain auto corrects my page sometimes without me even knowing, so thats another thing.


Besides the fact that the overall chapter seemed rushed, it was a decent chapter.
Tons of events happening, registering as a Salvage Team, their first mission, and the battle to get the cube.
It was quite eventful. Registering as a Salvage team wasn't long enough, so I decided to send them to their first mission. Their first boss battle should be epic. I'm planning on saving a whole chapter for that alone, so it'll be quite good.


So my advice, aside from "slow down!" is do a bit of proofreading before you post the chapter.
You'll catch a lot of your mistakes that way, and you can see what can be written better, too.
Believe me, I always proofread. I guess I didn't do as well this time.


You and your work are far from " you suck! ", we're just trying to help.
Twas a joke. You know, 'haha'


UPDATE: Okay guys, I fixed quite a few errors, changed some word choice, and I redid the battle scene a little. I added about a paragraph to it. Its still not the most descriptive in the world, but there's only so many times you can have two squirrels shock a bird until it gets repetitive.

Azurus
29th June 2012, 10:37 PM
Well the battle seen was definately better and I didn't notice anything missing for words.

Good job and can't wait to see what happens later.

I wonder if Shane/Sparky will decide he likes April more than the idea of going back home...

Brutaka
30th June 2012, 12:14 AM
Well the battle seen was definately better and I didn't notice anything missing for words.
Thanks. And there WAS two mistakes I noticed. So i just now fixed them.



Good job and can't wait to see what happens later.

I wonder if Shane/Sparky will decide he likes April more than the idea of going back home...

Yes, you will see later...and maybe. he's really intent on going home...but he always? will this be the one time where the hero ACTUALLY choose to return? or will him and April fall in love and stay with it each other? why am i asking you all these questions?

Azurus
30th June 2012, 2:12 AM
Because you haven't thought ahead that far and want me write your story? I'm kidding of course but one tip, keep a few ideas flexible, nothings worse than a forced outcome especially when it's noticed. Not saying you are doing this but if you have a romance thrown in there, make sure it makes sense to the plot. So far you have a couple of realistic love flags activated so keep it up.

Brutaka
30th June 2012, 2:39 AM
Because you haven't thought ahead that far and want me write your story? I'm kidding of course
Lol. Yes, write my story!


but one tip, keep a few ideas flexible, nothings worse than a forced outcome especially when it's noticed.
Don't i know it. I wont, I promise.


Not saying you are doing this but if you have a romance thrown in there, make sure it makes sense to the plot. So far you have a couple of realistic love flags activated so keep it up.

it actually plays a big part later, so ya.

Brutaka
30th June 2012, 7:17 AM
Hehe. I was busy today. But I got done with one! Shorter than the rest, at only four pages in length, but I had to cut it off there.


Chapter Six
The Mud Caverns

I was still sleepy as usual when I woke up. It tried speaking to me last night. I couldn’t hear what it said. The thing sounded big and powerful though. Could it the creature that did this to me? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I looked over to April’s bed. She was still sleeping. Careful not to wake her, I hopped down to ground level. As I was about to head outside, the whole house rattled. What on earth? I decided to get a look from outside. It turns out that it was wind. A storm had all of a sudden turned up, and it was shaking the house.

“Hey Sparky, what’s going on?” I heard from coming inside.

“A storm. A big one. It came out of nowhere,” I replied, and I ran back inside. “It’s real windy out there, and it looks like it’s gonna rain.”

“Well that’s a big let down. I really wanted to go Salvaging again today. But we can’t in this weather.” April was disappointed. Then, the house rattled badly again.

“Can this building even hold up against this wind?”

“It always has before. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

But I was worried. April reassured me though, and it helped a little. Seeing as we couldn’t go outside, we had to think of something to do. We decided to practice learning some new moves.

“What, in here?” I asked. “Aren’t we gonna break something?”

“No, I’ve practiced in here before. The walls can take electricity fairly well.”

“Well, whose gonna go first?”

“Well, I know for a fact that Pachirisu can use ThunderPunch. So let’s see if we can’t get you to do it.”

“Um, all right, cool. So, what do I do?”

“From what I’ve seen, you just sorta build up your energy like with Spark, but instead of focusing on your cheeks, you concentrate on your paw.” April pulled out a sandbag from the corner. “Here, try it on this.”

And so I did. I clenched my paw in to a fist of sorts, focused all my power on it, and punched the sandbag. And nothing happened. I tried it again, then a third time. Still nothing.

“Why isn’t it working?” I fumed.

“Just keep calm. You have to focus. This would be easier if I knew how to do it, but we’re trying to learn it from scratch here.”

So I punched the bag and then again and again until my paws were sore. “I can’t keep this up, April. It’s no use.”

“Well, we can stop for now. Would you mind if I tried learning a new move?”

“Oh, um, ya, no problem.”

“Um, do you think you can teach me Quick Attack?”

“Quick Attack? Well, sure I guess.”

“Great! So, uh, just show me how it’s done then.”

“Okay. Well, I just learned the technique yesterday, by accident really. I guess what I do is I focus on moving really fast. Like, I put all of my attention into moving faster. And then, when your focusing your willpower on that, this happens,” I finished up saying. Then I unleashed a Quick Attack and rammed the sandbag.

“Okay, got it. Let me try.” April thought for a moment, and then she tried it. She ended up tripping. She got up, and did it again. She still couldn’t do it. She tried a third and then a fourth time. But, on the fifth time, she burst forward with a trail of white light. She ended up crashing into the wall, but it was a Quick Attack. “Ow...But look! I did it! It was a Quick Attack!”

“That’s a great job April! Can you do it again?”

And so she performed another Quick Attack. She managed to ram into the sandbag this time.

“Good job! I think you have the hang of it now!” I exclaimed.

“It’s only because I have an awesome teacher!”

“Oh, it was no-” I was interrupted by April quickly hugging me. It felt good. I’m not even gonna yell at myself this time. I’m just gonna enjoy it.

When she released me, she said, “Shush. You talk too much.”

“Er-hem. Uh, uh, thanks I guess. It was nice,” I stuttered out.

“Tee hee! Hugs feel good don’t they?” She had that shy look to her face again.

“Yes, they really do. Oh, hey, look! The storm has stopped.”

“Huh?” She looked outside. “Oh, yes, I suppose it has. We should go see if Pelliper’s Post has any jobs for us. It’s still early enough.” Outside, everything was wet. Twigs and other sorts of objects were thrown around. It was mess. As we walked to town square, it was no different. However, we noticed a commotion once we managed to get to the center of town. April asked a Charmeleon that was there, “Hey, what’s all this about?”

“Didn’t you know? The storm caused some sort of mudslide to the east of town.”

“Oh my gosh, was anyone hurt?”

“No. But it revealed a new dungeon!”

“Really? That’s neat!”

“Ya. They’re calling it the Mud Caverns. I’m gonna go explore it!” He seemed confident. April left him and came back over to me.

“Did ya here that? A new dungeon! The Mud Caverns...”

“Sounds like a muddy place. You want to go there?”

“Of course! A new dungeon so close to town! We have to! In fact, let’s go right now!”

“Well, okay. I just hope there isn’t any ground types. It is called Mud Caverns after all.”

“It just opened, so there shouldn’t be too many other Pokemon in there really.” She ended up dragging me through town, but she stopped at the Kecleon Shop. “Oh, Kecleon, you got a Reviver Seed for sale?”

“Oh, yes! I have one for the reasonable price of 800 Poke!” the green one responded.

“Great, I’ll take it,” she handed him the money, and gave me the seed. It was emitting an odd light. It looked sort of mystical. I put it in my bag, and we went on our way after saying good bye to the Kecleons.

The cave was east of town. As we walked, the grass began to thin out, and it became rocky. The valley walls came closer together here, and were now sheer cliffs. Every so often, a team passed us. The first was a team of Riolu, Vulpix, and Magnemite. The second one was a Mukrow, a Misdreavus, and a Gulpin. We also passed a Bulbasaur and a Torchic on the way up. Charmeleon had also met up with us on the path, but he kept going.

And after about an hour and a half of walking and running, we arrived at the cave mouth. A couple of the Pokemon that we’d seen on the way here were talking to each other outside the cave. The opening was huge, and a pile of rubble led up to it. We scaled the hill of rocks, and journeyed into the cave.

“My, its dark in here,” I muttered.

“Yes. Hey, I bet we can light up the place a bit with our electricity,” April suggested. She then charged her electric pouches, and the cackling of sparks illuminated a portion of the cave. I followed her example, and the place was decently lit. Though I have to say, we probably look pretty silly.

Throughout the cave, we met little resistance. All the teams we encountered were friendly, and wished us luck. There were a couple of wild Pokemon that strayed in, but we didn’t have too many problems with them. Once, I found a pile of stones. April told me to stow them in my bag.

“Why?”

“Well, you can throw them at other Pokemon, duh.” I obviously still had much to learn. The cavern itself was huge, and seemed to go on forever. But, we reached the very back after almost two hours of walking. We saw a small tunnel that lead further into the rock. It seemed to have been dug by something. We debated going on, but we decided to rest first. We got out a couple of Apples, and we relaxed for a while. None of the other teams seemed to have made it this far, which is odd, since there had to be better teams than us in here. Unless they’ve already gone into the tunnel.

“Hey, you ready to check out what’s back there?” I asked.

“Yup, let’s go.” The tunnel was low, but we weren’t exactly the tallest of Pokemon, so it didn’t bother us. The path went on for a while. It was a steady downhill decline, and we didn’t have to fight anything on the way down. Soon, the tunnel opened to another cavern. It was more of a room really, as we could easily see all the walls, even in the dim light. The cavern looked empty, but I felt like I was being watched. Then a voice sounded.

“Who goes there?”

“Uh, just some friendly travelers, I guess. Who are you? Er, where are you?” April asked, looking around.

“We are here. We are many. We are one. We are SPIRITOMB!” The voice was coming from the center of the cave. Then, I noticed a small craggy rock with what looked like a face on it from where the voice was coming from. It began to glow, and then purple gas was emitted from it. It surrounded the top of the stone in a circular shape. It had a crazy looking face, and the purple gas was dotted with green circles. “You have trespassed upon our territory. We have had decades of blissful tranquility, and now teams left and right are coming and invading our space. It’s DEFILEMENT! General Z promised us that if we didn’t join General R’s side, we’d be safe. We’d be left in peace. IT’S TREASON! Now, we must be rid of you, just like all the other ‘teams’ that have disturbed us. ATTACK!” the Sprirtomb yelled. Then the room turned a shade of purple, and everything began to hurt...
~~~~~~~~
Can't wait till next time can you? Tee hee!

Azurus
30th June 2012, 8:35 AM
""You can throw them at pokemon, duh" I obviously had much to learn."

Best line ever. I think I will put it in my randomness section if I have room, or my fic related if you don't mind.

Spiritomb huh... at least it takes neutral damage from their lightning attacks unless they decide to use quick attack...
Looking forward to this encounter, good thing they came semi prepared, maybe those rocks they picked up will be handy. Inb4 trips and ends up throwing 20 gravelerocks for 400 damage, lol
when I go dungeoning I take (2)4 (big) apples, 4 oran berries and 2-4 reviver seeds (1 for each party member) and a stack of sticks/thorns/spikes (Atk bonus is awesome instead of a flat 20 damage)

Something slightly related but not really, Why does mud bomb miss flying types? It's a projectile and all flying creatures in any game are weak to projectiles.

I should have stopped typing ages ago.

Knightfall
30th June 2012, 1:12 PM
Well since this chapter had a Charmeleon in it, it's perfect.
Seriously, great chapter. Short, but very good.

One issue though, when they buy the Reviver Seed and put it in their bag, the paragraph connected to that describing the different teams could be separated into two, or three smaller paragraphs.
It makes it easier to read.

Other than that small issue, this chapter is great.

I can't wait to see the Spiritomb battle, and perhaps learn more about the mysterious General R and General Z.

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
30th June 2012, 4:53 PM
""You can throw them at pokemon, duh" I obviously had much to learn."

Best line ever. I think I will put it in my randomness section if I have room, or my fic related if you don't mind.

lol, glad you liked it. I always wondered what a newbie thought of Gravelerocks. 'Dude, its just a rock.' 'Well, ya, but you can throw them at Pokemon!' 'Oh....'
And sure, you can sig it. I have no problem with that.


Spiritomb huh... at least it takes neutral damage from their lightning attacks unless they decide to use quick attack...
Yup. I briefly thought of a Ground type, but they would have no chance with that. But that Ominous Wind is gonna be horrid.


Looking forward to this encounter, good thing they came semi prepared, maybe those rocks they picked up will be handy. Inb4 trips and ends up throwing 20 gravelerocks for 400 damage, lol
I don't think they'd have or need that many. Putting 20 rocks in a relatively small bag seems kinda silly, don't you think? Maybe not in games, but for practical reasons.


when I go dungeoning I take (2)4 (big) apples, 4 oran berries and 2-4 reviver seeds (1 for each party member) and a stack of sticks/thorns/spikes (Atk bonus is awesome instead of a flat 20 damage)
I end up with a scarf/bow for each party member, 4 huge apples, two stacks of 99 sticks/spikes, 4 Oran Berries, 10-12 reviver seeds, two-four Max Elixers, an Escape Orb, a Petrify Orb, a Spurn Orb, and whatever other orbs I have that I think would be useful, such as Drought, Luminous, etc. Of course, this all late game. The Petrify and Spurn Orbs are for those pesky Monster Houses.


Something slightly related but not really, Why does mud bomb miss flying types? It's a projectile and all flying creatures in any game are weak to projectiles.
I don't have the foggiest idea either. I should incorporate that some time. Something like 'Hiipowdon: 'Taste my Earthquake!' 'Ah!' I yelled. It hurt. I looked at April, who was just standing there. 'Hey, why isn't it doing anything to you?' 'Because Im part Flying of course!' 'But it still hit you...' 'I know, strange isn't?' Or something to that effect.


I should have stopped typing ages ago.
Heh, its all good. Bring the randomness!


Well since this chapter had a Charmeleon in it, it's perfect.
Hehe, I thought you'd like it. It was, in a way, a nod to you.


Seriously, great chapter. Short, but very good.
Thanks! You understand why I had to cut it off there though, right?


One issue though, when they buy the Reviver Seed and put it in their bag, the paragraph connected to that describing the different teams could be separated into two, or three smaller paragraphs.
It makes it easier to read.
You think so? All right, I'll look at it.


Other than that small issue, this chapter is great.
Yup yup, glad you like it.


I can't wait to see the Spiritomb battle, and perhaps learn more about the mysterious General R and General Z.
Battle next, obviously, but you wont learn much on the Generals for a little while.

Cometstarlight
30th June 2012, 6:12 PM
The reason why mud bomb wouldn't hit a flying type is b/c mud bomb is a ground move and it has no effect

Brutaka
30th June 2012, 6:17 PM
The reason why mud bomb wouldn't hit a flying type is b/c mud bomb is a ground move and it has no effect

Thank you sir obvious. I know perfectly well the technical reason, but in all practical applications, you would assume that mud bomb and mud shot could indeed hit flying types. The rational behind Flying types immunity to ground types is that the flying types would be, well, flying, and things like earthquake, magnitude, or even earth power wouldnt do anything to it. But Mud Bomb and Mud Shot or fired moves, they are shot out. Which means if it SHOULD hit them.

Azurus
30th June 2012, 8:51 PM
Which is why I'm in favor of dual typed moves, like the move inflicts damage of the first type but hits based on both types.

EX. Mud bomb ground/water, hits steel,rock,fire supereffectively, hits everything else neutrally or resistant because nothings immune to water save waterabsorb. Water won't add additional damage or lessen the effect of the move, just determine what additional types are hit.

Tri attack, while being normal type could be sub typed as fire,ice, or electricity based on what status it could have inflicted, there is no reason it would not hit a ghost.

I wonder if I could have worded that better.

Cometstarlight
1st July 2012, 4:49 AM
Sorry, I didn't get the context of your conversation but wow, way to with being a jerk there.

Anyway dual type moves and my lack of support for them aside; I do like the story. It has a simple beginning and an increasingly peculiar plot to why and what will happen. I'll be sure to check back on this one :)

Brutaka
1st July 2012, 5:00 AM
Sorry, I didn't get the context of your conversation but wow, way to with being a jerk there.
Was I being jerkish? My bad.


Anyway dual type moves and my lack of support for them aside; I do like the story. It has a simple beginning and an increasingly peculiar plot to why and what will happen. I'll be sure to check back on this one :) Glad you like the story

Brutaka
1st July 2012, 6:29 AM
Sorry for the wait! Here's Chapter Seven! Kinda short, but once you reach the end, you wont be concerned about that ;)


Chapter Seven
Spiritomb Attacks

I tried to take cover from the purple gale, but there was nothing to hide behind. The pain was slow but gnawing. Then, all of a sudden, it was gone. I saw April shocking the Spiritomb with her Thundershock. Thankfully this canceled his attack. However, when April called the electricity off, Spiritomb hadn’t seemed to have taken any damage.

“Silly Pokemon, you cannot harm us!” the Spiritomb bellowed. He then emitted a deep black wave. April managed to jump over it, but I wasn’t fast enough. My mind exploded with pain. I felt dizzy. April rushed over and propped me up.

“Hey, you okay? You have to be me careful! We’re not dealing with some insane pest, this is a highly intelligent Pokemon who we’ve upset,” April said. I got back to my feet. I shook of the nausea.

“Yeah, I forgot. He’s going to be hard. Can we even beat him?”

“We can do anything that we put our minds too. Now, quickly, before he comes after us again! We need to get a few hits on him.”

As April was done talking, we spread out. Quick Attack wouldn’t do anything, so that was out. All I had was Spark. Which meant I had to touch it. I began to dash towards the angry Spiritomb. He noticed, and focused an Ominous Wind on me, and I flew backwards. April got a Thundershock in, halting his attack again, but Spritomb knocked her down with Dark Pulse as she flew over head.

I had to get close to it. Hey, maybe I can use Quick Attack. So I focused on moving fast, and burst into a Quick Attack. Then, I charged my electricity. Spiritomb was still focused on April, and I managed to stop within reach of him. After I concentrated all of my electrical power, I bear hugged the small keystone. Like I had expected, the charged transferred. I had to hold my breath, as the gas surrounding the stone was smelly. I ran out of charge for the moment, so I let go and used Quick Attack to distance myself from him.

“Impressive! But you’re going to have to better than that!” the Spiritomb called out. Then with a nasty cackle, he shot Dark Pulse at me again. I used Quick Attack to jump and bounce off the wall, resulting in me barely dodging the attack. April zapped Spiritomb from behind like before.

April was continuously moving, making sure not to get hit by stray attacks. I decided to follow her example. Spiritomb fired off another Ominous Wind, but I dodged it with Quick Attack. April struck him again. He nailed her with a Dark Pulse before she could dodge it, and she fell to the ground like before. But she was okay.

Using the distraction, I unleashed Quick Attack, grabbed Spiritomb, and gave it another round of shocking. Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to take that again for long. He formed a Shadow Ball, and it struck me in the back. It hurt like crazy. I crawled away from him, but I felt light-headed. I heard another shock. It must have been April giving Spiritomb a Thundershock. Then I was hit by Dark Pulse as I was crawling away. It was too much. Everything hurt. Dizziness over whelmed me, and I fell to the ground. I heard April yell my name, then nothing. But then, I felt warm all over. Light filled my eyes, and all my pain seemed to just fade away. I stood up, and I have to admit, I was very confused. I looked in my paw. It was the Reviver Seed. Or it used to be anyways. It no longer glowed or felt warm. I’m guessing it was a one time use. That meant I couldn’t screw up again like that.

“Are you okay?” April called out. She landed next to me.

“Um, ya, I guess. I think I used your seed though.”

“Oh, that’s what it was for. I got it in case one of us got in a bind.”

“We will not be ignored while you two chat!” Spiritomb shouted. Then he did something I hadn’t seen him do yet. His form turned black, melted into the ground, and flowed across the ground! He popped up between me and April, and sent us both flying. I was able to stand back up easily, but April seemed to have some trouble. She was obviously getting tired. And we only had one of those Reviver Seeds.

Turning my focus back to the boss, I knew I had to think of a different approach. Maybe I can trap him some how? I Quick Attacked around him in a big loop. I just continued to run circles around him. It seemed to confuse him, which was the desired effect. “April! Do something!” I yelled as I passed by her.

“Uh, got it!” She charged up some lighting, and struck it into my path. It didn’t hurt, and the electricity ended up spinning around Spiritomb with me. However, the funnel was too wide, and wasn’t doing much. April used her own Quick Attack in flight above me, and closed in the top of the tornado-esque attack. I tightened my circle, and I could see Spiritomb was in now in pain. I was relieved that it was working, but then my hopes were smashed. His form suddenly turned black, and he used his Shadow Sneak attack to escape the funnel. April and I canceled the attack, and stood across from Spiritomb.

“Gack! You two are turning out to be quite the pests. All of the other teams just blindly attacked without thinking, but you two, urk!” Spiritomb remarked. His admiration stopped there though. He whipped up another Ominous Wind, but he was noticeably slowing down. April and I dodged the force with Quick Attack. April shocked Spiritomb from behind. It proved enough of distraction, so I ran in and did one last round of Spark on him. He used Dark Pulse to blast me off, but I used the momentum and landed on my feet. April performed another fly-by Thundershock directly on the stone. Spiritomb’s gaseous began to look unstable. He threw another Dark Pulse, but it only managed to get a few feet in front of him before falling onto the ground.

“Gasp, er, you win! We concede defeat! You-you may leave...” Spiritomb mumbled. He faded into black, and slowly slid across the floor through a crack in one of the walls. April and I both fell to our backs onto the floor.

“Phew! That was a tough battle right there,” I said, exhaling.

“Yeah. But, tee hee, we won, didn’t we? You were brilliant!”

“Oh, well, I guess. But I had to use the Reviver Seed.”

“That doesn’t mean anything! It happens to everyone sometimes. You were really brave there, Sparky, and I know I couldn’t have done it without you.” She stood up, and so I did the same.

“Erm, uh, you too. You were amazing. I-” I was cut off by April hugging me. I liked it, so I shut up and hugged back. When we parted, she gave me a wink, and led the way out of the room. I, of course, followed her. The walk through the tunnel was quiet. We couldn’t find anything to say after that apparently. When we exited the tunnel, the caverns seemed darker than before. We sparked up our cheeks for some light, and traveled through the cave. The place was also strangely devoid of Pokemon. No feral Pokemon, and none from the teams either.

“Hey, Sparky, notice anything odd?”

“Ya. Where’s all the Pokemon?”

“They couldn’t have gone home already. And where’s all the wild Pokemon? Something is really wrong here.”

“And the air is really stale. I don’t like this.”

“Me neither. Come on, let’s get out of here.” April walk ahead, and I did the same. We walked around for a while. But oddly enough, we couldn’t find our way out of there. We walked through various halls of stone, and various caves and openings along the way. But no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t seem to find the exit.

“Um, April, are we lost?”

“Sparky! Don’t say that! We are going to find our way out of here. We just have to believe in ourselves!” However inspirational the speech was, we still couldn’t find our way out. Don’t get me wrong, I believed, I really did, but it didn’t seem to help. April was getting frustrated. “Arg! It has to be around here somewhere! So where...is...it?” She was fuming.

“Getting angry isn’t going to help. Like you said, we just have to trust ourselves.” We looked for another good thirty minutes. Finally, I thought of something. “Hey, I have something in our bag that might help. I don’t know what it does exactly, but judging by its name...shouldn’t this Luminous Orb help us?” I pulled the small blue sphere from my bag. Our first mission had offered this as a reward. I remember receiving it fondly.

“Oh! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Here, hand it over.” I gave the orb to her. She held it up and cried, “Illuminate!” The orb glowed, and then it vanished. The cave grew harshly bright, and we could now see the farthest reaches of the cavern. We took a quick look around. There wasn’t a single Pokemon here. And, as it turns out, we were already in the room with the exit. We just didn’t notice it. The reason for that made my heart sink. April fell to the floor in tears.

“No...” I whispered in disbelief. The exit, which was right across from us, was no longer there. It was completely shut my rocks! “No, no, no, no!” I cried out.

“Sparky...how, what are we...going to do now?” April said between sobs.

“I...I don’t know...”
~~~~~~~~

OMG! What's going to happen next? lol, I know of course, but you don't! I give you permission to temporarily hate me for doing this to you.

Azurus
1st July 2012, 7:18 AM
"Scotty, beam me up." That is all.

The answer is obvious.

Anyways, decent chapter but too many attack names being thrown around, just describing the effects should be fine.

The escape being blocked is a rather interesting twist but why was there no sound when the rocks fell? Ground was muddy and absorbed the shock/sound?

Looking forward to the next chapter, I can't hate you because I find out quick enough anyways.

Also I didn't see your comment as jerkish, just sarcastic or annoyed. Atleast you got another reader.

Brutaka
1st July 2012, 7:23 AM
"Scotty, beam me up." That is all.

The answer is obvious.
TROLOL. Thats funny.


Anyways, decent chapter but too many attack names being thrown around, just describing the effects should be fine.
Unfortunately I can only come up with so many descriptions for attacks without inducing the same repetition :/


The escape being blocked is a rather interesting twist but why was there no sound when the rocks fell? Ground was muddy and absorbed the shock/sound?
The mud absorbed most of the sound and vibration, yes, but they were also in a heated battle. And the cavern they were in was far from the exit.


Looking forward to the next chapter, I can't hate you because I find out quick enough anyways.
True that.


Also I didn't see your comment as jerkish, just sarcastic or annoyed. Atleast you got another reader.
I didnt think so I either. I was sarcastic, but w/e

Knightfall
1st July 2012, 3:22 PM
Another great chapter. Aside from the move names being said a lot, nothing else seemed to be remotely wrong.

The battle was great, well paced, the the scene with the Reviver Seed was dramatic, because I completely forgot they even had one.
And then the cliffhanger at the end.

Azurus, you couldn't have worded that reply better.
EDIT: Rank Up!

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Rotomknight
1st July 2012, 6:18 PM
This is funny, witty and very... um... teenage!
Please add me. To the PM list that is.

Brutaka
1st July 2012, 7:41 PM
Another great chapter. Aside from the move names being said a lot, nothing else seemed to be remotely wrong.
Thanks

The battle was great, well paced, the the scene with the Reviver Seed was dramatic, because I completely forgot they even had one.
And then the cliffhanger at the end.
I had intended on using it. Why did you think I had them buy it?
And dat cliffhanger. I love doing cliffhangers, can't you tell?


Azurus, you couldn't have worded that reply better.
EDIT: Rank Up!
It was a good reply. And rank up? in my fic? Eh, the Spiritomb thing was an actual quest. Otherwise, they would be able to escape with their badges.


This is funny, witty and very... um... teenage!
Please add me. To the PM list that is.
They are teenagers after. And so am I. So yeah. And sure, I'll add you.

Rotomknight
1st July 2012, 8:06 PM
I am also a teenager with CF. THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!

Cometstarlight
2nd July 2012, 3:51 PM
Sorry about calling you a jerk, that was uncalled for, given I misread what you wrote in a different tone of voice.

Anyway, about the chapter: Spiritomb battle? Pretty good. Although like other people have said, I kinda felt like too many attack names were used, but it doesn't really matter since you already made an epic sounding battle with twists and turns and a surprise ending :0

JX Valentine
2nd July 2012, 5:20 PM
Quick review to start things off. I might come back to the rest later, but we'll see.


A storm is brewing high above Lacunosa Town. The storm came largely out of no where, and even though it was before nightfall, most everyone was inside.

A few things to note concerning grammar here.

1. You switch from present tense ("is brewing") to past ("came largely"). Be careful about tense changes like that. Choose one tense and make sure you stick with it throughout your scene so as to be consistent and avoid creating awkward moments.

2. Nowhere is one word.

3. I would suggest changing "most" to "almost." The reason why is because "most everyone" is slang. Think about it. You can't literally divide everyone and still have it be everyone. That's what you're doing when you say "most everyone." You're saying that it's not everyone; it's just a piece of everyone, like you have an everyone-flavored pie and are taking slices out of it. Almost everyone, meanwhile, refers to the idea that it's not everyone as well, but because "almost" is an adverb (not a possible adjective like "most" is), it's clearer that you mean an amount, not a section of a group. You're saying that it's nearly but not quite everyone, not that you're taking everyone and splitting them up.

…Or for a clearer explanation, there's this essay (http://www.englishessaywritingtips.com/2011/09/common-errors-in-spoken-english-most-everyone/).


A boy, sixteen years of age, was strolling back to his house, after a visit to the local library.

There's a lot of commas here, and as a result, this sentence has a very jerky, abrupt feel. Imagine every comma as a separate pause and read the sentence aloud. Do you notice that it seems like you're pausing a little too frequently?

To solve this, all you need to do is take out the unnecessary comma: the one before "after." The reason why this one in particular is unnecessary is because you simply don't use commas before most prepositional phrases (this one included). They're attached to the main body – the main clause – of the sentence because they still add meaning to the main idea. The only time you'll want to add in a comma to separate a prepositional phrase is if it's also functioning as a parenthetical – a phrase that can be taken out of the sentence without changing the meaning of the main clause.


He kept his notepad under his coat to keep it from getting water damage should it rain.

There's a lot of repetition in your language as well. In this example, you use the word "keep" or a variation of it twice. The effect is subtle, but it basically causes the sentence to sound as if it's dry – as if it's repeating itself unnecessarily. Whenever possible, you'll want to avoid using the same word more than once in a sentence to avoid that redundant air. In this case, you could use "held his notepad under his coat to keep it" or even "kept his notepad under his coat to prevent it." Those are only two suggestions, too. Try using different combinations of words to find the kind of effect you're trying to achieve.


His over-protective mother kept him from going on a journey, though he wishes he could.

Tense-switching again.

Also, to comment on the story a bit (finally), I feel like this could be expanded upon. See, the thing is that so far – and as I'm skimming through the rest as well – I notice that there's not much in the way of character establishment for this guy. Yes, yes, I know. It's the prologue, but the thing is, you nearly start establishing something to connect to here, but you don't really follow through with it. It would be great if we knew what his reaction to being denied a journey was (beyond just wishing for it, of course). Did he develop rebellious feelings (that may or may not be his reason for being out when a storm's brewing)? Is he depressed now? Is he constantly bored? Does he wish with every step he takes at this point that something would whisk him away to some strange land? None of these questions are answered; instead, the story just talks about his father, the trainer in Opelucid City.

Speaking of which, there's a whole separate set of questions about that. If his father is a trainer in Opelucid City, for example, does this mean he's rarely home? How does this affect Shane? Is our protagonist pissed off about the fact that his mother won't let him be a trainer for some reason despite the fact that she married one? Is he pissed off at his father for not convincing his mother to let him become a trainer?

…Does he even matter in the long-run? That's probably the biggest question. You spend a paragraph establishing both the mother and the father's backgrounds, and you pay particularly close attention to the father's. Yet, we're not really given any indication whatsoever that this is going to be important information later on (especially because, given that this is a PMD fic, the main character will probably not remember any of this anyway).

Here's a little secret when it comes to storytelling: never include details that won't contribute to a story later. If it's not important for us to know, it's fat, and it needs to be trimmed off so that the story sticks to the point. Otherwise, the reader will be left wondering either: A) if that detail will actually be important, which will lead to disappointment when it doesn't or B) why they just wasted time reading over a paragraph that has no bearing on the rest of the story.

So with that said, because it's the beginning of your story, I would recommend finding a way to talk about the character himself, not his parents. You're still free to talk about his background and life at home, but it needs to say something about the character that will transition over to his life as a Pokémon in the rest of the story. For example, don't bring up his overprotective (yes, it's not hyphenated, by the way) mother unless you also say that this had some effect on his personality. (Hence the questions about whether or not he became rebellious and so forth.) That way, the details are still relevant, but it's clear how they're being relevant and add to the story by creating a character we can connect to.

That's the other and last thing I'll bring up. We get so little about this character himself that we just can't connect to him. This doesn't mean that we can't relate to him or whatnot. It means that we can't get a bead on his personality – even a tiny inkling – so it's difficult to tell whether or not he'll be likable or if we should even care about him. Yes, it's the prologue, but the thing is, even in the very first installment of a fic, you should be establishing your character. After all, the first installment is the hook that reels readers into your fic, so the last thing you want is a stagnant character who doesn't even show a shred of personality. That's unfortunately what's going on here: all your protagonist is doing is walking down a street. He nearly gets hit by lightning, but most of the chapter is just talking about circumstances around him. You talk about his parents, not him, and you talk about the legendaries debating whether or not he's the one, still not him. So technically, you don't have him do anything, and you don't really even talk about him. He's just… there. So it's hard to connect to him because it just looks like he's flat.



Well, that is because there was someone,

Tense switching again. I would also suggest dropping the "well" at the beginning of the sentence. Starting a sentence that way is very casual and conversational, but that doesn't match the tone you're using in this chapter (which seems to be serious, with a narrator who's not necessarily Lemony (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LemonyNarrator). (Warning: Tropes link, but hey.)


a large black monster

I would suggest putting a comma between "large" and "black." The reason why is because you're using adjectives to describe the same thing: the way an object looks physically. So separating the adjectives makes it clear that you mean it's large and black, not that you're saying the color is large (or that it's a large black dragon in the same way you can have a large black coffee).


One was gray and light blue with golden eyes, the other was a light cobalt and silver color.

This is actually a comma splice. Try this trick: replace the comma with a period. How many complete sentences do you get? If your answer is "two," then we're on the same page. See, a comma can't be used to separate two complete thoughts (i.e., complete ideas that can stand on their own as sentences that make sense grammatically). It needs a conjunction – and, but, or, for, nor, yet, so – in order to separate the two ideas. Alternatively, you could use a semicolon, but honestly, semicolons tend to confuse even experienced writers. So I'd say stick with comma-conjunction combinations unless you've memorized the rules for semicolons first.


The black one was speaking to his partners, and was obviously the one in charge of the other two.

This, meanwhile, is not a compound sentence. Try the period trick again, but replace both the comma and conjunction with it. Notice how you don't get two separate sentences as a result? That's your cue that the comma shouldn't be in the sentence because it's not functioning as anything. (The comma in a compound sentence functions as a replacement period; the conjunction, meanwhile, signals that the two ideas are going to be tied together. That's why you need a comma and a conjunction between two complete thoughts, but you can't really use a comma and conjunction between one independent clause and one dependent.)


“And you’re sure that this is the boy? I don’t want any mistakes.” He growled.

Is "he growled" describing the way the quote is being said? If so, then it's a dialogue tag, and you should drop the period after "mistakes" in favor of a comma and replace the capital in "he growled" with a lowercase H. If not, then I'd suggest rewording it so that it's clear it's not a dialogue tag.


“Oi! Just get rid of him already! I’m tired of just watching him!” The light blue one exclaimed impatiently.

You punctuate and capitalize the dialogue tag of the line before this one correctly, so I feel like this is just a sign that you'll want to proofread a bit more carefully. In any case, if you notice the word "exclaimed," you'll see that what this bit is doing is describing how the quote is being said: it's telling us who said the quote and what tone they were using. As such, it needs to be punctuated and capitalized (or not capitalized) as if it was a dialogue tag. That means the "the" before "light" needs to be lowercase. You can still keep the exclamation point, however; I'm just saying that an exclamation point (or question mark, for that matter) doesn't mean that the tag should start off with a capital letter.

To put it in a non-confusing manner, let's put it this way. If the bit of writing outside of the quotation marks is actually describing how everything inside the quote is being said, it doesn't matter whether or not that quote ends with a question mark, an exclamation point, or what-have-you. It's still a tag, and it should still be treated the same way as you would if you put a comma in front of it.


“I’m really sorry about this, but I cannot have my plans messed with by a mere child”

You're missing a mark of punctuation here. I can't quite tell if I should suggest an exclamation point or a period. It really depends on whether or not Zekrom is being particularly excited here. Personally, I think it'd be cooler if he was unnervingly calm as he released his attack, but that's just me.


He just vanished.

Maybe end this one with an exclamation point too? It seems just a touch out-of-place, considering the amount of excitement the rest of the quote has.


Miles below, on the ground, where the boy once stood, was nothing.

You actually already establish this with the conversation between the legendaries. So it feels like you end the prologue on a repetitive note.


Anyway, to be fair, it's not bad for a first fic. It feels like your biggest issue is proofreading, but that can be fixed with practice or the liberal application of a beta reader (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?574523-The-Beta-House). Note: There is no shame in getting a beta reader. Professional writers work with editors and book doctors all the time, and the best writers in the fandom have betas of their own. In fact, I'd honestly highly recommend getting one because I guarantee that no matter how hard you proofread by yourself, you won't catch everything, in part thanks to writer's bias. (Writer's bias = every writer thinks their work is better or worse than it actually is, and this affects their ability to proofread.) It takes another set of objective eyes to work out all the kinks.

However, what might help is letting your work cool after you write it. Each time you finish a chapter, do not proofread it right then. Instead, wait twenty-four hours and then go tackle it again, preferably by reading it aloud. The twenty-four hours gives you time to separate a little from your work. You'll still have writer's bias, but you'll be closer to seeing things from the audience's perspective. As for reading things aloud, this forces you to slow down in your proofreading, which allows you to pick out errors more frequently. That and, as others have implied, it allows you to listen to the exact words you've written to figure out whether or not they're repetitive, awkward, or outright missing words.

It should be noted that this method can't replace working with a beta. You still should, just because writer's bias will still keep you from seeing issues in your work before you post it. Also, yes, even if this is a fanfic community, you should still work hard to remove all those issues before posting to allow your story to be more enjoyable to your readers. (Fewer errors = fewer distractions.)

In terms of storyline, I'll be frank. Every decent story starts out with mystery of some kind; it's the depth of the mystery that matters. There's two main issues here. First off, as I've said, it's difficult to connect to the protagonist. He's not really doing anything but walking along. We don't get any kinds of vibes from him in terms of personality, and even if this is a prologue, we should be getting something. It's a bad thing if we get to the end of the prologue and can't tell the basics about a character. (Is he nice? Is he not nice? Is he a slacker? Is he apathetic about everything? Is he good? Is he evil?) He doesn't show us any sort of reaction or emotion whatsoever. (He's walking around outside when everyone else is inside. But is he doing this out of rebelliousness? Boredom? Depression? What's the expression on his face right now? What's he thinking about?) All we get about him are details about his parents and the fact that he's going to be interfering with legendaries. That's… pretty much it. So we end the first chapter with absolutely nothing about the main character, which means he feels a bit flat and robotic. As in, we can't really anticipate a reaction from him when he crosses over to the Pokémon world because we can't entirely tell what he thinks of his life right now.

Meanwhile, there's the other part of the chapter: the plot. Because this is a prologue, I don't want to touch too much on it right now. After all, there's hundreds of different ways that this can go down. However, I will say that god-like beings attempting to kill mortals (or otherwise hating them) because they'll interfere with plans is sort of a generic idea. The concept is pretty much older than television outside of this fandom, and inside, it's not exactly new either. So while this is a prologue and while anything can happen from here on out, I hesitate a little about saying this is a new way to bring intrigue and mysteriousness into your story. On the other hand, like I said, you can take this any number of ways from here.

Overall, it's not a terrible beginning, and it's not a bad first fanfic. It's just that, to put it nicely, it looks like you've got room for improvement. However, it also looks like you have the potential to improve if you're careful about it.

Also, as a side note, even if you didn't mean to be jerkish to your reviewers, it's terrible publicity (not to mention manners) to be sarcastic to one for any reason on any writing community. It makes you come off as arrogant, regardless of how you actually meant it, and not that many people respect an arrogant writer. Those are the ones that get passed off as Suethors who can't take concrit. Not saying that you are. Just saying that you'll always want to be careful about what you say to the people giving you feedback.

Brutaka
2nd July 2012, 6:33 PM
Quick review to start things off. I might come back to the rest later, but we'll see.
You call that quick? I'd love to see along review from you! But seriously, thanks for this!



1. You switch from present tense ("is brewing") to past ("came largely"). Be careful about tense changes like that. Choose one tense and make sure you stick with it throughout your scene so as to be consistent and avoid creating awkward moments.

2. Nowhere is one word.

3. I would suggest changing "most" to "almost." The reason why is because "most everyone" is slang. Think about it. You can't literally divide everyone and still have it be everyone. That's what you're doing when you say "most everyone." You're saying that it's not everyone; it's just a piece of everyone, like you have an everyone-flavored pie and are taking slices out of it. Almost everyone, meanwhile, refers to the idea that it's not everyone as well, but because "almost" is an adverb (not a possible adjective like "most" is), it's clearer that you mean an amount, not a section of a group. You're saying that it's nearly but not quite everyone, not that you're taking everyone and splitting them up.

…Or for a clearer explanation, there's this essay (http://www.englishessaywritingtips.com/2011/09/common-errors-in-spoken-english-most-everyone/).
Wow. I did not know that thing about the 'most' and the 'almost'. Thanks, it helped. And the tense-switching was merely a mistake.



There's a lot of commas here, and as a result, this sentence has a very jerky, abrupt feel. Imagine every comma as a separate pause and read the sentence aloud. Do you notice that it seems like you're pausing a little too frequently?

To solve this, all you need to do is take out the unnecessary comma: the one before "after." The reason why this one in particular is unnecessary is because you simply don't use commas before most prepositional phrases (this one included). They're attached to the main body – the main clause – of the sentence because they still add meaning to the main idea. The only time you'll want to add in a comma to separate a prepositional phrase is if it's also functioning as a parenthetical – a phrase that can be taken out of the sentence without changing the meaning of the main clause.

I suck at commas...



There's a lot of repetition in your language as well. In this example, you use the word "keep" or a variation of it twice. The effect is subtle, but it basically causes the sentence to sound as if it's dry – as if it's repeating itself unnecessarily. Whenever possible, you'll want to avoid using the same word more than once in a sentence to avoid that redundant air. In this case, you could use "held his notepad under his coat to keep it" or even "kept his notepad under his coat to prevent it." Those are only two suggestions, too. Try using different combinations of words to find the kind of effect you're trying to achieve.
Dang, there was one there too? I end up doing that a lot in my writing, but my read through catches them all. At least it did in later chapters :/




Tense-switching again.
Oops. Fixed



Also, to comment on the story a bit (finally), I feel like this could be expanded upon. See, the thing is that so far – and as I'm skimming through the rest as well – I notice that there's not much in the way of character establishment for this guy. Yes, yes, I know. It's the prologue, but the thing is, you nearly start establishing something to connect to here, but you don't really follow through with it. It would be great if we knew what his reaction to being denied a journey was (beyond just wishing for it, of course). Did he develop rebellious feelings (that may or may not be his reason for being out when a storm's brewing)? Is he depressed now? Is he constantly bored? Does he wish with every step he takes at this point that something would whisk him away to some strange land? None of these questions are answered; instead, the story just talks about his father, the trainer in Opelucid City.

Speaking of which, there's a whole separate set of questions about that. If his father is a trainer in Opelucid City, for example, does this mean he's rarely home? How does this affect Shane? Is our protagonist pissed off about the fact that his mother won't let him be a trainer for some reason despite the fact that she married one? Is he pissed off at his father for not convincing his mother to let him become a trainer?

…Does he even matter in the long-run? That's probably the biggest question. You spend a paragraph establishing both the mother and the father's backgrounds, and you pay particularly close attention to the father's. Yet, we're not really given any indication whatsoever that this is going to be important information later on (especially because, given that this is a PMD fic, the main character will probably not remember any of this anyway).

Here's a little secret when it comes to storytelling: never include details that won't contribute to a story later. If it's not important for us to know, it's fat, and it needs to be trimmed off so that the story sticks to the point. Otherwise, the reader will be left wondering either: A) if that detail will actually be important, which will lead to disappointment when it doesn't or B) why they just wasted time reading over a paragraph that has no bearing on the rest of the story.

So with that said, because it's the beginning of your story, I would recommend finding a way to talk about the character himself, not his parents. You're still free to talk about his background and life at home, but it needs to say something about the character that will transition over to his life as a Pokémon in the rest of the story. For example, don't bring up his overprotective (yes, it's not hyphenated, by the way) mother unless you also say that this had some effect on his personality. (Hence the questions about whether or not he became rebellious and so forth.) That way, the details are still relevant, but it's clear how they're being relevant and add to the story by creating a character we can connect to.

That's the other and last thing I'll bring up. We get so little about this character himself that we just can't connect to him. This doesn't mean that we can't relate to him or whatnot. It means that we can't get a bead on his personality – even a tiny inkling – so it's difficult to tell whether or not he'll be likable or if we should even care about him. Yes, it's the prologue, but the thing is, even in the very first installment of a fic, you should be establishing your character. After all, the first installment is the hook that reels readers into your fic, so the last thing you want is a stagnant character who doesn't even show a shred of personality. That's unfortunately what's going on here: all your protagonist is doing is walking down a street. He nearly gets hit by lightning, but most of the chapter is just talking about circumstances around him. You talk about his parents, not him, and you talk about the legendaries debating whether or not he's the one, still not him. So technically, you don't have him do anything, and you don't really even talk about him. He's just… there. So it's hard to connect to him because it just looks like he's flat.

See, I was just so bent on this one idea that you could learn about the main character, nearly as he does. Because in all PMD games, the main character wakes up with a name, and thats it. They have no recollection of anything at all. So, I felt much of that was unnecessary. Though if you want to get really technical, the entire Prologue unneeded! Chapter One starts in a similar manner as PMD and PMD 2 starts, and so the Prologue, in all honest, was completely extra. But I didn't want to get into the Protagonist all that much since it isn't what I meant to have as the focus. I wanted him to look as pointless as possible, but I don't much like stories about fantastic people doing fantastic things. I seem to bend more towards normal people, due to circumstance, doing amazing things.





Tense switching again. I would also suggest dropping the "well" at the beginning of the sentence. Starting a sentence that way is very casual and conversational, but that doesn't match the tone you're using in this chapter (which seems to be serious, with a narrator who's not necessarily Lemony (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LemonyNarrator). (Warning: Tropes link, but hey.)
Well gosh darn it. Didn't know the prologue was had that this many times. Fixed.




I would suggest putting a comma between "large" and "black." The reason why is because you're using adjectives to describe the same thing: the way an object looks physically. So separating the adjectives makes it clear that you mean it's large and black, not that you're saying the color is large (or that it's a large black dragon in the same way you can have a large black coffee).

My nemesis the comma strikes again.



This is actually a comma splice. Try this trick: replace the comma with a period. How many complete sentences do you get? If your answer is "two," then we're on the same page. See, a comma can't be used to separate two complete thoughts (i.e., complete ideas that can stand on their own as sentences that make sense grammatically). It needs a conjunction – and, but, or, for, nor, yet, so – in order to separate the two ideas. Alternatively, you could use a semicolon, but honestly, semicolons tend to confuse even experienced writers. So I'd say stick with comma-conjunction combinations unless you've memorized the rules for semicolons first.
And again.




This, meanwhile, is not a compound sentence. Try the period trick again, but replace both the comma and conjunction with it. Notice how you don't get two separate sentences as a result? That's your cue that the comma shouldn't be in the sentence because it's not functioning as anything. (The comma in a compound sentence functions as a replacement period; the conjunction, meanwhile, signals that the two ideas are going to be tied together. That's why you need a comma and a conjunction between two complete thoughts, but you can't really use a comma and conjunction between one independent clause and one dependent.)
Need I repeat myself? Darn commas...*kicks a can across the street*




Is "he growled" describing the way the quote is being said? If so, then it's a dialogue tag, and you should drop the period after "mistakes" in favor of a comma and replace the capital in "he growled" with a lowercase H. If not, then I'd suggest rewording it so that it's clear it's not a dialogue tag.
Fixed.




You punctuate and capitalize the dialogue tag of the line before this one correctly, so I feel like this is just a sign that you'll want to proofread a bit more carefully. In any case, if you notice the word "exclaimed," you'll see that what this bit is doing is describing how the quote is being said: it's telling us who said the quote and what tone they were using. As such, it needs to be punctuated and capitalized (or not capitalized) as if it was a dialogue tag. That means the "the" before "light" needs to be lowercase. You can still keep the exclamation point, however; I'm just saying that an exclamation point (or question mark, for that matter) doesn't mean that the tag should start off with a capital letter.

To put it in a non-confusing manner, let's put it this way. If the bit of writing outside of the quotation marks is actually describing how everything inside the quote is being said, it doesn't matter whether or not that quote ends with a question mark, an exclamation point, or what-have-you. It's still a tag, and it should still be treated the same way as you would if you put a comma in front of it.
I know why its needed, I just didnt catch it. Fixed.




You're missing a mark of punctuation here. I can't quite tell if I should suggest an exclamation point or a period. It really depends on whether or not Zekrom is being particularly excited here. Personally, I think it'd be cooler if he was unnervingly calm as he released his attack, but that's just me.
Corrected.




Maybe end this one with an exclamation point too? It seems just a touch out-of-place, considering the amount of excitement the rest of the quote has.
Ya, that might be a good idea.




You actually already establish this with the conversation between the legendaries. So it feels like you end the prologue on a repetitive note.

I was going for dramatic repetition. Apparently that didnt work. I took one out.



Anyway, to be fair, it's not bad for a first fic. It feels like your biggest issue is proofreading, but that can be fixed with practice or the liberal application of a beta reader (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?574523-The-Beta-House). Note: There is no shame in getting a beta reader. Professional writers work with editors and book doctors all the time, and the best writers in the fandom have betas of their own. In fact, I'd honestly highly recommend getting one because I guarantee that no matter how hard you proofread by yourself, you won't catch everything, in part thanks to writer's bias. (Writer's bias = every writer thinks their work is better or worse than it actually is, and this affects their ability to proofread.) It takes another set of objective eyes to work out all the kinks.
Hrm. I never actually thought about it. I guess I could use one, huh?



However, what might help is letting your work cool after you write it. Each time you finish a chapter, do not proofread it right then. Instead, wait twenty-four hours and then go tackle it again, preferably by reading it aloud. The twenty-four hours gives you time to separate a little from your work. You'll still have writer's bias, but you'll be closer to seeing things from the audience's perspective. As for reading things aloud, this forces you to slow down in your proofreading, which allows you to pick out errors more frequently. That and, as others have implied, it allows you to listen to the exact words you've written to figure out whether or not they're repetitive, awkward, or outright missing words.
That was something I didn't know. I've never had too much trouble about it, seeing as I never thought very highly about anything I do, except maybe my art. I brag about that quite a bit. But when it comes to writing, I don't, because I've seen stories that are better myself. And I try to read aloud nearly all my chapters. When I don't, its only because my current situation prevents me to do so.



In terms of storyline, I'll be frank. Every decent story starts out with mystery of some kind; it's the depth of the mystery that matters. There's two main issues here. First off, as I've said, it's difficult to connect to the protagonist. He's not really doing anything but walking along. We don't get any kinds of vibes from him in terms of personality, and even if this is a prologue, we should be getting something. It's a bad thing if we get to the end of the prologue and can't tell the basics about a character. (Is he nice? Is he not nice? Is he a slacker? Is he apathetic about everything? Is he good? Is he evil?) He doesn't show us any sort of reaction or emotion whatsoever. (He's walking around outside when everyone else is inside. But is he doing this out of rebelliousness? Boredom? Depression? What's the expression on his face right now? What's he thinking about?) All we get about him are details about his parents and the fact that he's going to be interfering with legendaries. That's… pretty much it. So we end the first chapter with absolutely nothing about the main character, which means he feels a bit flat and robotic. As in, we can't really anticipate a reaction from him when he crosses over to the Pokémon world because we can't entirely tell what he thinks of his life right now.
I had always intended to have Ch. 1 be the the start of the character descriptions. See, I wanted the audience to learn who he is at the same time he himself does. Unfortunately, this leaves my story with a bit of a delayed narrative hook, but I had hoped the confrontation with the legendaries would keep people reading.



Meanwhile, there's the other part of the chapter: the plot. Because this is a prologue, I don't want to touch too much on it right now. After all, there's hundreds of different ways that this can go down. However, I will say that god-like beings attempting to kill mortals (or otherwise hating them) because they'll interfere with plans is sort of a generic idea. The concept is pretty much older than television outside of this fandom, and inside, it's not exactly new either. So while this is a prologue and while anything can happen from here on out, I hesitate a little about saying this is a new way to bring intrigue and mysteriousness into your story. On the other hand, like I said, you can take this any number of ways from here.
I had three options here. Use PMD 1's plot beginning and have him put as a Pokemon to save the world. Use PMD 2's plot and have him put into a pokemon as an accidental side effect of Darkrai trying to be rid of his foes before they're actually a problem. Or, make my own. Failing to come up with something for Option 3 that didn't sound cliche or half retard, I went with Option 4. I mixed the reasons of PMD and PMD2. It made a slightly generic plot, but I was going to take it in a generic direction, as you will all see for the end (which isn't completely set in stone, but I know how i want to finish it. But I'm going to try to make the story as interesting as possible along the way. I put action, mystery, romance, humor...and hopefully all in the right place.



Overall, it's not a terrible beginning, and it's not a bad first fanfic. It's just that, to put it nicely, it looks like you've got room for improvement. However, it also looks like you have the potential to improve if you're careful about it.
Well thanks for the awesome review. You're great. And don't worry about being harsh in your critiques, I dish out brutal ones to other people, so I need to be able to take them.



Also, as a side note, even if you didn't mean to be jerkish to your reviewers, it's terrible publicity (not to mention manners) to be sarcastic to one for any reason on any writing community. It makes you come off as arrogant, regardless of how you actually meant it, and not that many people respect an arrogant writer. Those are the ones that get passed off as Suethors who can't take concrit. Not saying that you are. Just saying that you'll always want to be careful about what you say to the people giving you feedback.
Eh-heh, yeah, i found that out the hard way.


As far as not updating yesterday, I'll let my characters explain that.

April: "Tee hee, our esteemed narrator had bought a new video game. He stayed up until 5 in the morning playing it!"
Shane: "Yeah, and all that time we were stuck in this cave."
April: "And we still are. He really needs to get to work."
Me: "Well, sorry you two, you know how I am with new games..."

So did that help explain it? Heheh.

Azurus
2nd July 2012, 7:03 PM
When I saw my descriptions, I saw Brutaka with a last message posted today at 11:23 I think it was, then I click on thread page 3, it doubled in size from last time so I thought it updated before you PMed everyone. Sadly this was not case, however that was a rather lengthy review and I managed to take something from that as well, mainly cool down thing which I, like you, didn't know about.

So what game did you get that you'd abandon your creations for? It also broke your update record.

Azurus
2nd July 2012, 7:20 PM
Until I get to a computer, this will have to be a douple post.

About that comment as coming off jerkish, that only applies if there wasn't any context before hand. If someone takes offence at something they read when no offence was intended and nobody else took offence or thought it was rude then it's really the readers fault in reading it in such a way as to take offence from it. I'll admit the response here had nothing building up to it but the comment that incited such a response came from not reading prior posts properly. Also any time someone says something like captain obvious or Mr (insert title here) it will always be sarcastic. I felt the whole exchange felt more like an antijoke chicken (a meme) from my point of view.

This may or may not make sense but I hope it enlightens somebody.

I do agree that you have to be careful in what you say but almost anyone can take offence to any thing regardless of how it's worded.

JX Valentine
2nd July 2012, 8:31 PM
You call that quick? I'd love to see along review from you! But seriously, thanks for this!

Haha, I've written reviews that topped ten pages. It really depends on how much of a chunk I take out of the fic and whether or not it makes me want to punch something.


Wow. I did not know that thing about the 'most' and the 'almost'. Thanks, it helped. And the tense-switching was merely a mistake.

No problem. As for the mistake, it happens. I got the feeling that you could catch those errors but just didn't give yourself a cool-down period in order to tackle the chapter with a fresh mind. So hopefully the twenty-four-hour trick will help you.


I suck at commas...

To be fair, everyone does at first. ;) It's really one of those things you have to memorize and practice in order to get down, and sometimes, even that's not a 100% guarantee that you'll be error-free.


Dang, there was one there too? I end up doing that a lot in my writing, but my read through catches them all. At least it did in later chapters :/

I'll have to check out the later chapters (beyond skimming, anyway) to see how you've been doing, but sure.


See, I was just so bent on this one idea that you could learn about the main character, nearly as he does. Because in all PMD games, the main character wakes up with a name, and thats it. They have no recollection of anything at all.

Keep in mind that while PMD has a great beginning, it also starts with the character waking up. There's no real prologue that introduces us to the protagonist as a human, and there's no build-up involving the legendaries attacking him out of nowhere (from his perspective). So it's actually a cold beginning, and that's a lot of the reason why it works. It starts off with the basic question of, "Okay, so who's this character," but that's a good thing because in that case, the question feels like a mystery for the players to solve. On the flip side, the reason why I wrote that comment to this story is because while you ask the same question, it doesn't produce the same sense of mystery. We're given a glimpse of this character and his life as a human, but the narration doesn't get into it. So it's a lot like asking someone a question, only for that person to start talking about a completely different topic without answering you.

Granted, having a PMD story that starts off with the character waking up tends to be cliché in its own right, but on the other hand, I really do think that the first chapter is a stronger beginning than the prologue.

Alternatively, you could take a third option and start the prologue with the conversation between the legendaries. Sure, you don't show us the character, but then again... you also don't show us the character. Which means that'd be a rather sneaky way of creating a stronger opening while at the same time achieving that "let's let the reader find out about the character as he does" feel you were trying to create. The downside is that it loses the ability to capture Shane's complete normalcy, but on the other hand, you might be able to pull that off via the proper introduction of the character in the first chapter anyway. It might even end up being funnier in that you'd have this whole build-up involving legendaries wanting to stop Shane from thwarting them, only to introduce a perfectly ordinary guy stuck in a Pokémon's body in the next chapter. Still, it's completely up to you. I'm just offering another way of looking at things that can let you keep the most amount of material and create a beginning that might actually be seen as unique.

But I do agree that watching normal people doing amazing things is pretty awesome.


I was going for dramatic repetition. Apparently that didnt work. I took one out.

Yeah, dramatic repetition's a tough bit to master. Generally, in order to do it, you have to push the drama a bit more, if that makes sense. As in, you'd actually need more action so that it doesn't feel as if you're summarizing something you just said a few lines before it.


That was something I didn't know.

Yeah, it's something that's surprisingly not that well-known, despite the fact that it's actually a very useful tip. I'm not really sure why writing classes don't cover it; I only learned it from someone else online.

Also, fair enough when it comes to reading out loud. Admittedly, sometimes I don't either, but in those cases, I find even mouthing the words can help.


I had three options here. Use PMD 1's plot beginning and have him put as a Pokemon to save the world. Use PMD 2's plot and have him put into a pokemon as an accidental side effect of Darkrai trying to be rid of his foes before they're actually a problem. Or, make my own. Failing to come up with something for Option 3 that didn't sound cliche or half retard, I went with Option 4. I mixed the reasons of PMD and PMD2. It made a slightly generic plot, but I was going to take it in a generic direction, as you will all see for the end (which isn't completely set in stone, but I know how i want to finish it. But I'm going to try to make the story as interesting as possible along the way. I put action, mystery, romance, humor...and hopefully all in the right place.

Good luck with it. I have to say that it's not impossible to work with a plot canon's already given you, especially given that a lot of fan-authors do that with varying success. However, it will be a challenge to keep readers' attentions, so it will be interesting to see what you do with it, knowing that.


Well thanks for the awesome review. You're great. And don't worry about being harsh in your critiques, I dish out brutal ones to other people, so I need to be able to take them.

No problem, and it'd be interesting to see you review around the forum. I don't think I've seen you besides in this thread, and we could use all the reviewers we can get.


April: "Tee hee, our esteemed narrator had bought a new video game. He stayed up until 5 in the morning playing it!"

Pfft, I know how that feels all too well.


About that comment as coming off jerkish, that only applies if there wasn't any context before hand. If someone takes offence at something they read when no offence was intended and nobody else took offence or thought it was rude then it's really the readers fault in reading it in such a way as to take offence from it. I'll admit the response here had nothing building up to it but the comment that incited such a response came from not reading prior posts properly. Also any time someone says something like captain obvious or Mr (insert title here) it will always be sarcastic. I felt the whole exchange felt more like an antijoke chicken (a meme) from my point of view.

This may or may not make sense but I hope it enlightens somebody.

I do agree that you have to be careful in what you say but almost anyone can take offence to any thing regardless of how it's worded.

Actually, no, you still don't have an excuse to be sarcastic towards anyone. An eye for an eye makes the world blind, after all, and if it was an honest mistake, congrats, you've just shamed someone who made an honest mistake.

See, here's the thing. Even if Comet missed the point, he's still a new reader with something to say. That's why you treat him with respect if he treats you with respect (which he basically did). You don't want to come off sounding like you're willing to call someone stupid (which is what calling someone "Sir Obvious" would do) just because they made a mistake. If they failed to read your work, explain that to them civilly. Don't shame a reader for any reason because, frankly, that makes you look bad. Why? Because drama is more obvious than civility. If you try to be a drama llama (by doing things like mocking your readers to their faces), it doesn't matter how much anyone else reads. People who drop by the thread will just see you as the jerk (because you did call someone oblivious), and that reputation will spread by word-of-mouth to others. Or end with you receiving punishment from mods, depending on the community.

Therefore, you need to have patience with your readers and respond to them civilly or appropriately. (Appropriately in this case means "if you're being trolled or flamed, use the report button.") There is literally no excuse for responding sarcastically to a reader (e.g., by calling them Sir Obvious), even if you think they deserve it. Moreover, "everything is offensive to someone" is frankly not the best defense. By that logic, I have every right to call all of my readers idiots straight-out if I wanted to because why should I bother censoring myself if you're going to take offense to something I say anyway? No, that's silly; human decency still applies to online communication.

Cometstarlight
2nd July 2012, 8:48 PM
Just for the record, I'm a she XD lol

Brutaka
3rd July 2012, 7:18 AM
So what game did you get that you'd abandon your creations for? It also broke your update record.
Terraria. I just spent 14 hours straight on there...



No problem, and it'd be interesting to see you review around the forum. I don't think I've seen you besides in this thread, and we could use all the reviewers we can get.

Oh, my critiques are mostly for mostly sketches and drawings. And my grammar and stuff isn't good enough to correct on that basis, as you can tell :/
But I suppose I could critique on plot flow and direction.

muchmula
7th July 2012, 5:02 PM
New reader here, I like the story so far, but is it abandoned? If I'm reviving, sorry. If not put me on the PM list.

Brutaka
7th July 2012, 6:16 PM
New reader here, I like the story so far, but is it abandoned? If I'm reviving, sorry. If not put me on the PM list.

No! Of course it isn't abandoned! I have a guest over this week, and part of next week, and while she's here we're doing tons of stuff and going lots of places. So I dont have much time to write. But when she leaves I will try to get Ch. 8 out. And yes, you can go on the PM List.


EDIT: I'm EXTREMELY sorry I haven't updated in so long...seriously guys. But I promise I'm still gonna work on it. There's a contest going on for art and literature that I'm taking place in. My short story is almost done and when its done, I'll submit it. Once the contest is over, I'll post it as a One-Shot, regardless if I win or not. So you'll have that.

So thats why not only my fic is delayed, but also my shop has been paused for the moment as well...

But the submission period ends today, so...

EDIT II (08/04/12 12:29AM): Chapter 8 is finished as of now. However, I'm gonna give it a 24-hour cool down as was recommended. Only a little bit more guys!

Brutaka
4th August 2012, 8:45 PM
Drum roll please! *a drum rolls past me* *facepalm* "That was a bit too literal..." Anyway...I now present...Chapter 8! The Fracture!


Chapter 8
The Fracture

"Ah!" I cried as I gave everything I had into my Quick Attack. I smashed right into the boulders. "Ow! That...ow...really didn't feel good..." The rocks didn't even budge. "No, I can't give up," I said, dusting myself off. I dashed into the boulders again. Electricity flew everywhere as it was released from my cheeks in my attack. I was thrown backwards. I slowly got up and held my head. "Okay, no more of that..."

Teary-eyed April watched with dismay. "Sparky, stop it before you kill yourself. Its no use." She turned and walked over to the wall. She dropped to the floor and sat against the stone behind her. "Oh, I hope we don't get stuck down here forever..."

"No! Don't say that! We'll find a way out! We're a team, the best there is!" I took a seat next to her. In a calmer tone, I say, "Seriously, we'll get out."

"I hope your right..."

"Hey now, where's all that spirit I'm so used to hearing?"

"But look, the wall's solid; we can't get out. What's the point?"

"Hm. You know what? Let's talk about something else. Because maybe someone will realize we're gone, and they'll come save us. Too bad we can't get a rescue letter out...Anyway, like I said: we should talk about something to take our minds off of this."

"Good idea," April said with a nod. She wiped her eyes. "So. What do you want to talk about?"

"I knew you were going to ask that...I suppose we could, I dunno, talk about ourselves. Get to know each other more, you know?"

"Okay, I guess. Um, you go first?"

I looked down at the floor. "Well...I really don't know much about myself. The amnesia took all my memories. I was left with a name. Nothing else. I'm sorry, I really can't contribute then..."

"Hm. How about you tell me what's been going inside your head since you woke up? Maybe that will tell me more about you."

Do I tell her? Tell her that I...like her? No, not yet. It wouldn't be right. She's clearly still upset about the possibility of us not making it out...Maybe later would be better. I looked back at her. "There isn't much to tell. Obviously, waking up as Pokemon is terrifying."

April gave me an odd look. "What's so bad about being a Pokemon?"

"Er, that's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that I know I'm supposed to be a human. Randomly waking up as a different species would be scary, wouldn't it? Not to mention not being able to remember anything. Imagine if you woke up as a human and couldn't remember anything. You'd be freaked out, wouldn't you?"

April nodded. "I guess I see your point. Go on."

"So while I attempted to even just stand up in my strange new form, you showed up. At first, you actually kinda scared me, haha." I let out a small chuckle.

"What do you mean?" April was giving me that odd look again.

"Well, I suppose I'm used to being taller. And when I saw you, I thought you were some sort of giant squirrel monster or something. But then-but then I-" I was stumbling at that point. I couldn't decide whether to tell her my feelings or not.

"But you what?"

"Um, then I realized I wasn't so tall and that you were only as tall as me. I hadn't remembered all the Pokemon names at once, but I knew you were one of them."

"Uh-huh. I know there's more than that..." She looked at me with a serious gaze.

What!? Am I really that transparent? Oh no, now what? I fumbled for words. "Er, um, well you see, when I saw you...a-and that sparkle that you had on your coat...it-it"

"Oh boy...why does this always happen? I had suspected as much. You like me, don't you? Like, you know, like me, like me?"

"Wha!? Er, um, uh, no, not at all! Well, uh, yeah. Yeah, I do..." I was looking at the ground again. This isn't when I wanted to bring this up!

April sighed. "I knew it...I've caught you just randomly staring at me. It looked like you were daydreaming. But you weren't. You were staring at me. Well, I suppose its to be expected. I am incredibly good-looking after all, teehee!" She seemed happier. I thought that was odd.

She looked as if finding out made her upset. But...she's all giggly again. Could that mean? No, don't get your hopes. Arg! I can't believe it! What am I thinking!? How could I have let that feeling go crazy again? People...humans...aren't supposed to like Pokemon! But denying this feeling is getting harder and harder. I've got to turn back soon!

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. "Look, April, it doesn't matter how I feel. That's the Pachirisu talking. I'm really a human. It would...it would never work out..."

"What do you mean? You are the Pachirisu! At least, you are now!"

"I just don't want to get all attached to you. In fact, it'd be worse for you if you became that way towards me. I'm still trying to turn back, remember? If I were to go back, this Pachirisu would be gone. I wouldn't be here. I'd be back with my friends, my family. As a human. And if you grew to like me...in that way...then imagine how hurt you'd be? I couldn't stand to do that to anyone. I just couldn't."

April was silent for a while. Then she put her paw on mine. "Then don't. Stay with me instead. Imagine the adventures we could have together! Doesn't...doesn't that sound like fun?" She was giving me a shy, sideways glance.

I took my paw away. All of this was getting way too touchy-feely for my taste. "No, please, don't do that to me. Just, stop. Stop it...Don't make me choose!" What am I saying, of course I'd go home. I can't like a Pokemon!

"Shane! You're gonna have to decide eventually!"

I looked at her suddenly, confused. "You...you called me Shane."

"What? Oh, I, uh-"
BOOOM!
April was interrupted with a huge sound that resembled an earthquake combined with something big hitting something hard. The ceiling began to crack. Small rocks started falling and they became bigger with time. Then I saw a large boulder falling from the cavern roof directly towards us!

"Move!" I yelled as I shoved us both out of the way with Quick Attack.

"Shane, I-"

"Not now! Come on, before something else falls on us!" I pulled her up off the floor and lead her away from the falling rocks. They seemed to be relatively isolated to a small area.

As the rumbling stopped, I noticed light shining down from the ceiling. An exit!

"Oh thank Arceus, look! Light! It could be a way out!" April said with a leap of joy.

"Its very likely to be. Come on!" As soon as we were about to make the first step however, a huge beam of ice froze the hole and left a huge pillar of ice blocking the exit. Before we could even be sorry for ourselves, the ice was shattered and melted by a red hot inferno.

"...Is it over?" I asked tentatively.

"I-I think so. Maybe we should go check." And so we slowly walked to the hole in the ceiling. Through the hole, we could see that it was roughly twilight, as the sky was cast with an orange hue. "I'll fly up and see what's going on."

"Be careful," I warned. With a smile and a nod, she flew through the gap and landed on the edge.

"By all that is mighty, what on Earth is going on!?" April yelled with fear in her voice.

"What? What's happening?" I was anxious to see what she was riled up about. Without a word, she hopped down and told me to hold onto her tail. I did, and then she hopped up into the air, lifting me off the ground. She wasn't strong enough to get me all the way up, but with a flash we were launched upwards. Her Quick Attack barely got us above the gap, and she glided us both to the ground near the hole.

The next thing I noticed was what I presumed had April in such a fuss. It wasn't twilight. In fact, it was the middle of the night. The sky was red with the embers of a huge fire that blazed all around us for miles!

Oh no! What about Salvage Springs? We're really close to town! But I looked to where the town was. It was safe and encased in huge dome. Towards the top, directly under the surface of the shield was Uxie. He seemed to be using his power to shield the town. On the side of town closest to us, on the ground, were two other Pokemon that were strengthening the barrier with their Protect attacks. They were Quagsire and Honchrow, the Salvaging Co-Guildmasters. A purple and black, pig-like Pokemon was strengthening the barrier on the other side of town with his powers.

A large explosion to our left, however, drew my attention. An epic battle was taking place. Well, it would have been epic had it not been completely one-sided. Three large birds were fighting a group of rock and steel snakes. And the snakes were losing badly. One of the birds, an orange one covered in flames, shot off a multitude of Fire Blasts at the steel-clad snakes. They fell hard. The blue bird, which sported a large navy-colored tail, froze the rock snakes solid with a beam of ice. The yellow bird was somehow whipping gusts of fire-hot wind that helped in downing the steel snakes. It would be a safe bet to say that a few stray shots from the birds it what made the hole in the cavern roof.

As the last snake fell, the three birds landed on a grass hill, looking at their defeated opponents.

"Ha! Weaklings," the yellow one spat.

"Yes...I would have expected General R to send stronger opponents. I'm quite disappointed," the blue one added.

"It was a necessary win though. Uxie didn't want to join with Master Z, so we attacked. General R was at least smart enough to send in opposition," the orange one said. He looked at the fallen snakes, "but I was surprised with these pathetic excuses of soldiers."

"But come on, who could stand up to us?" the yellow bird retorted.

"Mehehehe, true," the blue one laughed arrogantly.

"Come. We have much more work that needs to be done," the red bird reminded.

"But, Moltres, what of the town? The fire will surely burn it to the ground." the blue bird asked.

"Leave it. If Uxie doesn't want to cooperate, then fine. He'll just have to watch his pathetic excuse of village turn to ashes..." Moltres said with an evil chuckle. The three birds then spread their wings and flew south, right over us. They were a powerful force.

"Hey, April, who were those three?" I asked.

"Moltres, Articuno, and Zapdos. They aren't deities, but they're legendary in their own right. Those three are among the most powerful in existence. And they burned down Foggy Woods!" April yelled with anger.

"Yeah, and the fire's about to take Salvage Spring with it!"

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! How could this happen? Why? Why were those birds even here? They're supposed to be tucked away, asleep on Element Island! What are they doing here? What are we going to do?"

"I don't know. Uxie's shield isn't going to last forever," I said grimly.

"No it isn't. But there isn't anything we can do. The fire has the whole town surrounded. We can't even get to it."

I took a glance at the purple shield surrounding the town. It flickered and a crack began to force near the base. A horrible splintering sound was emitted by it.

"Oh no, its already happening! The shield is failing!" April cried. The cracking noise sounded again, and fractures appeared all over the force field. Then, with a mighty crashing noise, the dome imploded on itself and hundreds of purple shards rained over the Salvage Springs...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Muhahahahaha! Time for some serious plot developments and more twists and turns than a water slide! Shane's feelings for April finally come out, April attempts to convince him to stay, and April finally called him 'Shane'! General Z's forces win the Battle of Salvage Springs, and the town is about to consumed in flames. What will they do!? Why am I asking you this again? You guys don't know. I do! Mehehehehe. Okay guys, see you in a month! Just kidding ;)

Azurus
4th August 2012, 9:16 PM
Well well well, it seems Shane is conflicted in where he wants to be and the town is in peril.
Who exactly are General Z and General R and what could they possibly want.

I'll stay tuned to find out next time and thanks for updating, it was worth the wait. Looking forward to more.

Brutaka
4th August 2012, 9:23 PM
Well well well, it seems Shane is conflicted in where he wants to be and the town is in peril.
Who exactly are General Z and General R and what could they possibly want.

I'll stay tuned to find out next time and thanks for updating, it was worth the wait. Looking forward to more.

Yes...Shane's human thoughts and the Pokemon's instincts are started to conflict...
Oh...you mean you don't know who Z and R are yet? Hm....And who knows what they want? God-like beings are very fickle in that regard.

Your welcome as always. And there will be more, promise!

Knightfall
4th August 2012, 9:36 PM
Definitely worth the wait!

Wow, there's a lot going on in this chapter.

The legendary Elemental Birds working for General Z, who wants to recruit Uxie to his cause.
In their failure to persuade Uxie they leave fire that will lay waste to a protection less Salvage Springs, so yeah, the next chapter better be out soon!


What will they do!? Why am I asking you this again? You guys don't know. I do! Mehehehehe. Okay guys, see you in a month! Just kidding ;)

Because, you enjoy hearing our theories on what happens next. That's why!
And you know that it's me who takes a month to write a chapter, so don't take my sign off! (I'm kidding, seriously, glad to have you writing again)

Knightfall signing off ...;005;

Brutaka
4th August 2012, 9:55 PM
Definitely worth the wait!

Wow, there's a lot going on in this chapter.
Yes, quite a bit considering its one of my shorter chapters. Longer than the last two, but shorter than 1-5.



The legendary Elemental Birds working for General Z, who wants to recruit Uxie to his cause.
In their failure to persuade Uxie they leave fire that will lay waste to a protection less Salvage Springs, so yeah, the next chapter better be out soon!
And what about Shane and April? They're stuck on a grassy hilltop surrounded in flames after all.



And you know that it's me who takes a month to write a chapter, so don't take my sign off! (I'm kidding, seriously, glad to have you writing again)
lol. Yea, I hope I dont do that again :/ You know, take forever for one chapter.

Knightfall
4th August 2012, 10:12 PM
And what about Shane and April? They're stuck on a grassy hilltop surrounded in flames after all.


You think I forgot them? I was just thinking about the fact that the entire town is about to go up in flames.

lol. Yea, I hope I dont do that again :/ You know, take forever for one chapter.[/QUOTE]

Same here.

Knightfall signing off ..;005;

Cometstarlight
5th August 2012, 4:13 AM
I presume that General Z and R are Zekrom and Reshiram respectively, correct? Nice twist to bring April and Shane's relationship to light as well as bringing in the bird trio.

Brutaka
5th August 2012, 4:55 AM
I presume that General Z and R are Zekrom and Reshiram respectively, correct? Nice twist to bring April and Shane's relationship to light as well as bringing in the bird trio.
SHH! Don't tell every one the secret <_< >_> Just kidding. But yes, you'd be correct in that presumption.
Shane's and April's relationship had been underlying thing going on during the entire fic, and they did have some alone time. Don't let two teens that have a crush on each other have alone time. In a cave. By themselves. And that totally doesnt have perverted underlying meanings >_> Because remember folks, this is a G rated fic. No sexual innuendos here <_<
Anyway, about the birds, ya, I plan on having most, if not all, the legendaries make a showing here. Not the Black/White Kyurem though, I wont have a place for them.

Azurus
5th August 2012, 7:15 AM
I feel like an idiot? How was that not obvious...

I'll go shoot myself now, don't try to stop me.

"But it was just a mistake, you have so much to live for, don't do i.... oh."

"What did you think I was doing?" As he lifts a shot of alchohol up to his lips. "Just gonna shoot myself with shots"

*edit* yeah that was bad, but it was funny at the time. *edit*

Brutaka
5th August 2012, 5:32 PM
I feel like an idiot? How was that not obvious...

I'll go shoot myself now, don't try to stop me.

"But it was just a mistake, you have so much to live for, don't do i.... oh."

"What did you think I was doing?" As he lifts a shot of alchohol up to his lips. "Just gonna shoot myself with shots"

*edit* yeah that was bad, but it was funny at the time. *edit*

You mean...you really didn't know? Neat. I had actually thought between Zekrom's appearance in the Prologue along with the consent mention of Z(whose the only legend whose name starts with Z and was already mentioned) and R(which 'R' legend goes with the 'Z' legend?) people would have figured it out. But as you stated, even you thought that was obvious. But when some of the people had troubles figuring out who they were, I didnt help them because it would make for a slightly bigger surprise later.

However, figuring it out now wont effect your reaction to much of anything later on.

Azurus
5th August 2012, 9:09 PM
For some reason, browsing around my brain for legendaries that begin with R and Z only turned up the regis and Zerobii from a different fic, and they aren't even Legendary. I have even been playing pokemon black/white recently and didn't even think of them.

Brutaka
5th August 2012, 10:48 PM
For some reason, browsing around my brain for legendaries that begin with R and Z only turned up the regis and Zerobii from a different fic, and they aren't even Legendary. I have even been playing pokemon black/white recently and didn't even think of them.

Well, its all good. You know now. And trust me, Im the same way with other fics ;)

Saph~
11th August 2012, 5:56 PM
Once again another great chapter ^_^ cant wait for the next one, Nice use of dialogue also :)

Brutaka
11th August 2012, 6:17 PM
Once again another great chapter ^_^ cant wait for the next one, Nice use of dialogue also :)

Yup yup, dialogue is a key part and many stories. Thanks.

Brutaka
21st August 2012, 7:06 PM
Sorry for the wait. Least it was as long as last time. This is the first chapter to go through a beta reader. Though they only caught like three things, so...Well, I know there's more mistakes than that. With that out of the way, here's the next chapter!


Chapter 9
Exodus
April and I sat against the stone wall, not only completely depressed, but tired from all the stress the day had given us. My eyelids felt heavy, and I nearly dozed off multiple times.

After witnessing the dome crash in on itself, the fire that was about to consume the town had crept in on us quickly. The hill we were on was grassy, so we knew we had to find safety from the inferno. The only thing we thought of was to jump back into the Mud Caverns. That's what we ended up doing. The Luminous Orb had faded into a dull glow and now the moonlight shining through the hole was the only source of light.

"Heh, trapped again in this same cave..." I muttered.

"Don't even start." April looked just as tired as me.

"Sorry. Well, I suppose if we're gonna wait for the fire to burn itself out, we should get some rest. The cave is made of rock and mud; we'll be safe from the flames down here."

"A good idea, I guess. See you in the morning," April said. She laid down on a dry patch of loose dirt and I did the same. April didn't look very comfortable though.

"Uh, hey, if you want, I guess you could use my tail as pillow or something," I suggested weakly.

April gave me a sideways glance. "You know, Sparky, I just don't get you. You say you like me. Then you say that you don't want to like me. When I admit my feelings to you, what do you do? You tell me not bother. And now this? You just don't make any sense!" She was yelling at end.

I was silent for a moment. "It was just a friendly gesture. I'm sorry I even bothered." She could tell I was hurt. Her expression softened.

"Oh, Sparky, I'm sorry. I just...I was confused. And your like the first guy I've ever liked before, and then-"

"No, don't. Just...just try and get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow."

"Sparky..."

"I said that I didn't want to talk about it. Good night." I curled up on my tail and buried my face into my tail.

April laid on the floor again. Before closing her eyes, she whispered, "...I'm sorry..."

...Me too... I thought before I fell asleep.

That night, I had the dream again. The surrounding landscape was much clearer now. I seemed to be sitting on a stone floor. Perhaps the roof of a tower? I couldn't tell. It was windy though. In front of me was an indescribable creature. It was speaking a powerful, all-knowing voice, but I couldn't quite make out the words.

"Yo... a...... the ......y t... t......s la...d's su......er.........g..."

The ground beneath me shook and crumbled and I fell into the darkness.

Then I was back in the cave. Awake now, I looked around. Sunlight was streaming in through the roof. April was still sleeping, though she seemed to be having a nightmare or something. I jostled her.

"Hey, April, you okay?"

"Hunh? What? Sparky? Is that you? Oh, sorry, I was having bad dream."

"Hm. What about?" I knew there was still tension from the previous night, but I wanted to see if I could avoid talking about it.

"Um...sorry, I can't remember." She looked at the hole in the ceiling. "Oh, hey, its light out. Looks like the fire is gone too."

"Yeah, I was about to say that. I guess we should go see, should we?"

"Oh, I hope the town is all right..." April motioned for me to hold onto her tail. I did, and together we blasted out of the cave.

The grass was all burnt up now. The forest was mostly flattened and the surrounding area was black for miles and miles. We laid eyes on Salvage Springs, or what was left of it, together.

"No! The town...my home! It's gone, its all gone!" April cried. Indeed, where the small town of Salvage Springs used to be now lies a blackened ruin. Some of the more metallic structures were somewhat intact, such as the Cafe and the gate into town, but nearly everything was just a pile of ash.

"This isn't good. Not good at all. I'm sorry, April."

"What happened to everyone? They didn't....you don't think they...?"

"April. They're fine. I'm sure they all escaped. Also, I'm sorry your town burned down and all, but we need to keep moving. We don't have much food and we should probably find where everyone went." I was speaking with much less emotion than would be expected. Last night had numbed most of my feelings, at least for a little while.

April sniffled and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. But where should we look? I don't know where Uxie would take everyone."

"Me neither. But," I started. I squinted at the far end of town. "I'd image they went that way." Near that side of the town there was a trail that wasn't covered in black ash. Once our minds were made up, we began to make our way to the path. The hill we were on was only about an hours walk from the town gate.

It was noon when we reached the remains of Salvage Springs. Walking through the place was very depressing. We didn't talk much, though April cried to herself occasionally. She would see an old hang-out or a friends house and cry a bit, muttering incoherently. I kept walking in an attempt to keep her moving as well. I felt bad for not feeling the way she does, but I only lived in the town for a few days. I didn't know it that well. April, on the other hand, grew up here.

The main street was blocked by some fallen, burned-out tree trunks, so we had to take a side street I had wanted to avoid. At the end of the street was April's house. Or what was left of it. The new mailbox that was out front was a pile of ash. Both beds were completely gone. The house itself was mostly flattened, as it was completely made out of wood. The small bubbling spring was black with ash and now made a slow gurgling noise. The place was sickening, and I truly felt the pain this time. April was in heavy tears and was collapsed on the ground.

"I worked...so hard on it...my, my dad helped me with it...it's-it's all I had left from him. And now...now its gone..." April muttered through her fit of sobbing.

What's that? It sounds her like her dad is gone. Something to ask about later, I guess. I put a paw on April's crying frame. She stopped her muttering for a moment and looked up at me. Her eyes were puffy from all the crying. She looked at the ground for a moment, gave a small nod, then managed to find the power to stand up again. With a paw on her shoulder, I pushed her along. She didn't offer much resistance, but I knew it was what kept her going all the same.

After making it out onto the main road again, I noticed that there weren't any other obstructions to hamper our progress. So I was thankful for that. We passed the Yamask Bank after a little ways. The place was actually fairly intact but the burned-out look and the piling ash everywhere made the place look even more creepy than it already was.

The Kangaskan Storage was completely flattened. I hoped they had already taken all the stuff when they evacuated. The Link Shop was equally burned up.

We didn't stop at the Cafe. I tugged April along and she didn't stop. She had been mostly looking at the ground that entire time so she may not of even noticed that we had passed her favorite place besides her house. Maybe she didn't want to notice.

At the edge of town, a question struck me. "Hey, April, do you know what's weird? The fire burned too quickly. There's ash and wasteland for miles, but its only been one night. How could the fire burn that quickly?"
She sniffled and cleared her throat. "I'm-I'm not sure....but rumor says that Moltres fire burns hotter and faster than any other fire in the world..."

"Hm. That must be it. Oh, and is there any other town nearby? Maybe one that everyone would escape to?"

"No, not really. The closest city is that way, I guess," she said softly then pointed in the direction that we were going. The unburned path led that way as well.

"Well, that's a good a way as any. Let's go. I hope we don't have to go that far."

I shouldn't have said that. I wish I could go back and time and slap myself. The trip was long. It was very, very long. The ash and black went on for miles and miles in front of us. April decided it would be much faster for her to fly and I ran on the unburned grass below her. I suppose that's one good thing about being a Pachirisu: I was fast as lightning. The electricity that coursed through me must of been stimulating my muscles in a way that boosted my running because I couldn't think of any other way to explain how fast I was going.

The exercise was good for us. It let us both focus on only one thing: moving forward. It pushed any thoughts of the burned out town, the fighting birds, the missing people, and the awkward things spoken the night before.

After many miles and quite a bit of time later, we stopped for a rest. We didn't talk. I took two apples out from my bag and we ate. After a short while, we went back to running or flying, respectively.

After dozens of more miles, we noticed something in the distance. It was greenery! Apparently the fire wore out after a while, and we were leaving the wasteland. Invigorated by the sight, we pushed ourselves harder to get the forest. Though once we got there, April lit up like a light, figuratively speaking. Just inside the edge of the forest was a large gathering of Pokemon. And not just any Pokemon. It was the entire population of Salvage Springs!

"Sparky! Sparky, Sparky! Look! Oh, thank Arceus!" April squealed, hopping about.

"Hm. How did everyone get this far out? That's what I'm wondering. Look how long it took us to get here, and we were going really fast." I was happy, sure, but it confused me.

"Well, they did it somehow. I'm just happy they're all alive!"

"Sure, sure. I suppose its a question best left unanswered anyhow. Well, let's go meet up with them." And so we slowly walked up to the group. Everyone was mostly talking amongst themselves and many were sad about the loss of their home. Spinda, who had been conversing with her three chefs, noticed us first.

"April? You're alive? Oh, that's wonderful!" Spinda made her way over to us in her characteristic swaying movements. "Happy day, happy day!"

"Spinda! Did everyone make it?" April asked after a quick hug with her friend.

"Yes, yes! After the Elder's shield broke, the only thing he could do was make a smaller one with some other Psychic Pokemon. He called everyone together and he contained us all. Then him and the rest of the Psychics moved the shield with us, protecting us from the fire. The Elder is a powerful Pokemon indeed."

"Well I'm glad everyone's fine. Um, where is the Elder? I don't see Uxie around." I asked, looking around.

"Oh, he's talking with the other town Elder."

"Other Elder? What other Elder?" I was confused.

"No, no, the Elder for our new town. We're all going to be living in Treasure City! Won't that be exciting?"

"Treasure City? I've always wanted to go there!" April exclaimed.

"Well, want no more. Look!" Spinda pointed in the distance ahead of us. There, between the trees, was a metallic gate.

"Oh my Arceus! Sparky, let's go! Nice seeing you Spinda!"

"Anytime. See you on the inside!" Spinda finished with a wave. We took off after that and ran straight to the metal gate. It was an impressive sight. The gate was dozens time taller than us. It wasn't really a fortified entrance or anything, rather, it was a greeting arch. It was improved version of the rusty old gate that stood in front of what used to Salvage Springs. A grouping of paw prints was displayed on the top piece.

"Welcome to Treasure City! Where bounty is-" April started to read.

"-Right around the corner..." I finished. April turned to me, surprised.

"Sparky? You could read that?"

"Um, yeah. What language is that written in?"

"PokePrint, like normal. Have you always been able to read that?"

"No. This...this is new...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So you may think "Oh, Shane can read Pokemon now. Isn't that good? Why is he worried?" Its a good question actually. But he has a reason to be worried.
Anyways, another shorter chapter. I hope I can get back into writing longer chapters, I dont know whats with me lately.
Earlier in the chapter, Shane and April are at each other again. Shane's still unsure of himself and what he really wants, as he grapples between the morals of a forgotten life and the feelings of an alien body. And being a guy alone with a girl he likes, he's not exactly, well, comfortable. I'm a guy too, you know, I get it.
And yes, there are two time inconsistencies in this chapter. The first, the lightning-quick fire, was sort of explained. The second, the lightning-fast town people, will be explained some-what later. So. Yup.

Azurus
21st August 2012, 11:12 PM
They didn't actually escape at all, bwahahaha! Just kidding.

I noticed quite a few but they are simple spelling ones. I'll list them below.

"Sorry for the wait. Least it was as long as last time. This is the first chapter to go through a beat reader." should be "wasn't", should be "beta" (this line doesn't really count, but it's there)
"Oh, Sparkly, I'm sorry. I just...I was confused. And your like the first guy I've ever liked before, and then-" is it supposed to be "sparky" or "sparkly"?
"I said that I didn't want to talk about. Good night." I know it's dialogue but he should have said "talk about it" you were missing a word there.
"April? You're alive? Oh, that wonderful!" Again, dialogue but it should be "that's" unless that is just a quirk that spinda has.

That's all I could find on my second glance through, I didn't notice anything particularly off for regular description and it was mostly talking anyway.

Well, it seems Shane is discovering other abilities he didn't know he had, how will this affect him later I wonder? What of April? Is all her wealth destroyed and will she have to start all over from scratch?
Definitely looking forward to more from you, keep it up, it is getting quite interesting.

Brutaka
21st August 2012, 11:26 PM
They didn't actually escape at all, bwahahaha! Just kidding.
This isn't LOST okay? lol, god I hate those kind of endings.


I noticed quite a few but they are simple spelling ones. I'll list them below.

"Sorry for the wait. Least it was as long as last time. This is the first chapter to go through a beat reader." should be "wasn't", should be "beta" (this line doesn't really count, but it's there)
"Oh, Sparkly, I'm sorry. I just...I was confused. And your like the first guy I've ever liked before, and then-" is it supposed to be "sparky" or "sparkly"?
"I said that I didn't want to talk about. Good night." I know it's dialogue but he should have said "talk about it" you were missing a word there.
"April? You're alive? Oh, that wonderful!" Again, dialogue but it should be "that's" unless that is just a quirk that spinda has.
All fixed. Wow, those are embarrassing...

Well, it seems Shane is discovering other abilities he didn't know he had, how will this affect him later I wonder?
Oh no, he meant what he said. He didn't have that ability before. When he first got to Salvage Spring, he couldn't read the sign. But now he can read PokePrint. So what's happening to him...?


What of April? Is all her wealth destroyed and will she have to start all over from scratch?
I guess we'll have to wait and see...


Definitely looking forward to more from you, keep it up, it is getting quite interesting.
Yes, Yes ^_^

Knightfall
21st August 2012, 11:45 PM
A fitting name for the chapter I must say. Short, simple, and really drives in the point.

Moving on, I figured they'd have to retreat to Mud Caverns once more, it seemed the only sensable place to go when everything else was burning up.
Though seeing the burnt-out town was horrible, it was great character building for April, seeing her sadness at her multiple losses, and the apparent loss of her father, all great facets to add to her.

The finding of the survivors and the explanation for their survival seemed a little rushed in my opinion, but it turned out fine.
Though I didn't notice most of the ones Azurus pointed out, I did see some of the mispellings.

Overall, great chapter. Leaving Shane, April, and the survivors at Treaure City (Town) awaiting an uncertain future and Shane's sudden ability to read the launguage (A matter I haven't touched upon in my own story it seems), it makes me want more.

Knightfall signing off ...;005;

Brutaka
21st August 2012, 11:54 PM
A fitting name for the chapter I must say. Short, simple, and really drives in the point.
Exodus does mean mass escape, or something to that effect. I thought it was good too.


Moving on, I figured they'd have to retreat to Mud Caverns once more, it seemed the only sensable place to go when everything else was burning up.
Ya. Some people I talked to didnt like the idea, but its pretty much the only place they could go.


Though seeing the burnt-out town was horrible, it was great character building for April, seeing her sadness at her multiple losses, and the apparent loss of her father, all great facets to add to her.
Ya, April has some serious baggage. Being a Shiny Pokemon doesn't mean all sparkles and happy times.


The finding of the survivors and the explanation for their survival seemed a little rushed in my opinion, but it turned out fine.
I noticed the quickness too actually.


Leaving Shane, April, and the survivors at Treaure City (Town) awaiting an uncertain future and Shane's sudden ability to read the language (A matter I haven't touched upon in my own story it seems), it makes me want more.
Always got to have a cliffhanger, lol.

Darkened_Kingdra
12th September 2012, 2:16 AM
Loving it so far. I like how you incorporated Unova pkmn. into it and the Gravelrock line was "LOL forever". PM list?

Brutaka
12th September 2012, 2:29 AM
Loving it so far. I like how you incorporated Unova pkmn. into it and the Gravelrock line was "LOL forever". PM list?

Glad you like it! And of course, Unova pokemon exist, so why not? I added more than usual since Unova hasnt had a PMD game yet. POKEMON! Y U NO MAKE UNOVA PMD GAME!? lol

And yeah, i loved that line. And many of you did too.
And of course, putting you on now.

Darkened_Kingdra
13th September 2012, 10:09 PM
Glad you like it! And of course, Unova pokemon exist, so why not? I added more than usual since Unova hasnt had a PMD game yet. POKEMON! Y U NO MAKE UNOVA PMD GAME!? lol

And yeah, i loved that line. And many of you did too.
And of course, putting you on now.Definitely need to make PMD unova at the point where every region has one. EXCEPT UNOVA!!

Brutaka
13th September 2012, 11:30 PM
Definitely need to make PMD unova at the point where every region has one. EXCEPT UNOVA!!

You know what? Serebii just released info saying that we ARE getting a Unova PMD game to tie into B/W2! I'm really excited!

Also, I just posted a one-off. I did it for a contest. It didn't win, it took second, but its good nonetheless, so be sure to check it out: The Gift (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?584371-The-Gift)

Darkened_Kingdra
14th September 2012, 11:42 AM
You know what? Serebii just released info saying that we ARE getting a Unova PMD game to tie into B/W2! I'm really excited!

Also, I just posted a one-off. I did it for a contest. It didn't win, it took second, but its good nonetheless, so be sure to check it out: The Gift (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?584371-The-Gift)
YES YES YES YES YESSSSS! I've been waiting for this since I got PMD Sky!

Brutaka
23rd September 2012, 11:16 PM
Hey, sorry about the wait, but it's time for a new chapter! Its full of adventure, intrigue, and most importantly, stuff! Gotta have that stuff. Plenty of stuff...Anyways, just read it ^_^'

Also, for any of you that haven't all ready, please read my one-shot. It's all right. But it needs more comments, so please, help a guy out? The Gift (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?584371-The-Gift)


Chapter 10
All that Glitters is not Gold


April looked at me, confused. "But, isn't that a good thing? Why do you sound so worried?"

"Well, I wasn't able to before but I can now. It means something...something still happening with me. It's as if whatever changed me into this isn't finished." I was staring at my paws.

"You look like a normal Pachirisu to me though."

"No, not physically. It's messing with my head. If it can change how I read, who knows what else it could change. And that...scares me."

"Oh, I get it. Don't worry, Sparky. I'm sure everything is gonna work out fine. I promise!"

"Thanks, I guess. Hey, you really perked up, what's gotten into you?"

"Er...Well, I was mostly upset before because I had truly thought that everyone was gone. But seeing Spinda and the others made me happy again."

"And your house?"

"I guess I just let myself get carried away before. Truth be told, I had always planned on moving eventually. To Treasure City, in fact. It's the biggest city for hundreds and hundreds of miles. Salvage Springs was actually formed from adventurers from Treasure City that wanted to make a name for themselves without having to worry about competition. Anyway, it's really late, so we should find a place to stay. We're already at city gate, so maybe we can find an inn or something."

"I see." We started walking down the main street looking for an inn. "It's kind of neat that you've always wanted to live here. It's almost as if...it was always meant to happen."

"It really is something...Oh! Look, over there on the left!" April pointed at a tall white-washed building. It had a sign that glowed somehow with words written in PokePrint.

"'Treasure Hotel,'" I read. "Well, at least it's obvious. Not a very creative name though."

"Teehee! Sparky, it's the main hotel in town. Why need anything fancy in its name?"

Her giggle's back! "Well, I dunno. Eh, forget it. By the way...do we have any money?"

"Eep! Shoot, I have some with me, but I left the rest...in the bank. Which no longer exists..."

"Oh no. I wonder if they'll transfer the funds or something."

"Sparky, it doesn't work that way. It's not like it's insured or anything. Where'd you come out with that thought?"

"Um...I dunno. I don't even know why I suggested it. Maybe human banks work that way?"

"Maybe, but not Pokemon banks. We've never had to really worry about it, and there's no real way to transfer Poke easily. Once the money is gone, it's gone. Anyway, I should have enough on me for a room for us."

"It's going to suck having to make all that money up again."

"Yeah. It'll be rough for a while. But come on, we're a Salvaging Team! We'll make more money than I ever had!"

"That's the spirit, I guess. Well, there's no point in hanging outside the inn. The idea is to be in it, yes?"

"Teehee, Sparky, you make me laugh. Come on!"

There's that laugh again...Gosh dang it! Not again. This feeling is getting harder to ignore... April pulled me closer to the door and pushed it open. Inside was a building like I had never seen, or at least, from what I could remember.

The walls were solid and not made out of the thrown-together wood that I was used to seeing. Bright stones were set at intervals in the ceiling making the inside seem like daylight. The walls held some of these crystals as well as some carved statue decorations made to look like various Pokemon. The floor had some sort of red furry material covering it. My subconscious pulled up the word carpet and I figured that must have been what it was called, though I'd have no idea how they would have made it.

To our left was a archway leading into another room. It had many tables and its own strange wall decorations. A restaurant maybe? A sign above the arch confirmed it. On the right side was another archway. The walls and floor in there had some sort of padding. Various stone, wooden, and metal objects littered the place. The sign for that arch read 'Gym'.

Directly across from us was a sort of desk with various papers thrown across it. Behind the desk was a black and white female Pokemon. She was smiling at us.

"Welcome to Treasure Hotel! I'm Gothitelle, how may I help you?" she spoke.

"Um, we were hoping to get a room for the night," April replied.

"Well, of course!" She wrote some things down with a black stick-like object. "Er, how tall are you?"

"About a foot, I guess," April answered.

That's an odd question, I thought.

"All right. You look about three or four inches taller than that, but it'd be the same size room anyways...and your friend is the same height, it seems." Gothitelle scribbled some more things down. "All right, that's that. Your room is down the hallway to the right, up the stairs, and it will be the third door on your left. Here is your key." Gothitelle handed April a small metallic rod with a groove on the end.

"Thanks! Come on Sparky, let's go check it out." We rounded the staircase and found our room. The door was flush with the wall and it had a small hole in the side of it, just off the ground. April inserted the key into the opening, jiggled it, and pulled it out. A small clicking noise sounded as she did that, and the door creaked open.

"Wow. All of this is very different than Salvage Springs. This is amazing!" This whole hotel had amazed me. I couldn't remember if I had seen something like this before, but it was certainly different than April's hometown.

"Oh yeah. See, Salvage Springs really isn't, er, wasn't the most advanced city. Anyways, what do you think of the room?"

I had thought April's house was nice. This, on the other hand, was just beautiful. The walls and the ceiling are styled just like the rest of the hotel, that is to say, wall decor, pretty light crystals, and red carpet. There were two small beds to the right of the room, at least, I thought they were beds. They were almost like a wooden boxes with a light furry material inside. They weren't anything like the piles of hay that we were used to sleeping on. There was even a small fireplace opposite the beds. The wood and fire rocks were even provided. Directly across from us was a nearly bare wall with a single window. It was open and the cool night air flowed through it.

"Wow...This room is really nice! And it's the perfect size for us too." I walked over and sat on the bed, which was only slightly longer than me with my tail stretched out.

"Um, of course it is. All Pokemon inns and hotels have different sized rooms for their customers. It only makes sense really."

That doesmake sense. That's why Gothitelle had asked our height before. Why didn't I think of that? I stretched out over the covers and yawned. The bed was very comfy, almost like my tail. "Ah, this is much better than hay..."

April hopped onto her bed as well. "Mhmm. I've been in a few hotels like this. Now, don't get used to it, because I don't exactly have a lot of money left and this room a little pricey."

"Oh, that's right. So what are we going to do?"

"Well, we're a Salvaging team, remember? So we'll Salvage, teehee!"

"That's as a good idea as any. We've only ever done one Salvage, what kinda team would we be with only one under our belt?"

"Exactly. And if that's the case, we'd best get to sleep. We'll need our rest."

"Right. Okay then, good night, see you in the morning."

" 'Night," April yawned. She laid down flat on her front and quickly fell asleep. She must have been tired. I flattened myself out and tried to sleep, but I just couldn't get comfortable. I curled up on my tail like normal, and then I could finally sleep.

The dream I had that night was different than my normal dream. Everything was dark except two subjects. On the right was a Pachirisu. It was me, and yet, it wasn't me. On the left was a slightly tall teenage human. Was that me? When I was a human? He looks very familiar. But I can't remember. The boy and the Pachirisu were arguing about something. I couldn't remember what they said though, because I forgot the words when I woke up. Just then, as soon as the Pachirisu began to growl in frustration, something woke me up quickly.

It was still night time, though the sky showed hints of orange at the horizon. A strong wind was blowing through the open window. Standing in the window was the silhouette of a slender humanoid Pokemon, only slightly taller than us, with a feather sticking out of its head. In it's claw was the Uxie's gold pin that I had rescued from the Mankey a while back! The Pokemon then jumped out of the window. I ran over and saw it hoping from rooftop to rooftop until it was out of view.

"Sparky? What's wrong?" a dreary April said.

"We've been robbed! A Pokemon came into our room and stole Uxie's gold thing! They took off and jumped out this window."

"Well, did you see who it was?"

"No, it was too dark. But I saw the shape. If I saw them again, I'd know who it was."

"That really stinks. But I guess we'll have to report it to the police tomorrow. It's still too early, and I'm still sleepy."

"Don't you even care?"

"Of course I do, Sparky, but I'm tired and the police aren't going to take a case this early."

"Grr, fine."

"I'm sorry Sparky, it's only until tomorrow." She laid back down.

I walked back to my bed and tried to go to sleep. After a little while I managed to, but I didn't dream anything.

When morning came, April was up before me and she was checking her purse. Apparently none of money was stolen, thankfully. She kept the purse on her at all times, so that's probably why. I slung the item bag over my shoulder, April closed the window and locked the door, and we left the hotel.

It was early morning and the sun was still hidden by the taller buildings. We didn't know where we were going, so we stopped a rather impatient Zigzagoon and asked him where the police station was. He directed us and hurried on his way.

We navigated wide, busy streets full of Pokemon rushing to work or other such places. We rushed through dark alleys home to less honorable Pokemon that, thankfully, left us alone. We passed empty lots that displayed various signs about construction. Treasure City was vast indeed.

After making all the winding turns, we arrived at a dull, gray building whose open doors were guarded by two short humanoid Pokemon. Pawniard, they were called. They nodded as we passed them. Inside was no more colorful then the outside. There were desks with a variety of Pokemon rummaging through papers. I was able to name off a Bisharp, some Riolu, Simisages and Simipours, as well as a dozen other Pokemon I couldn't name. Magnemite floated to and fro. The place was bustling.

In the center of the room ahead of us was a Lucario behind a large counter. He was having a serious conversation to a strange group of three Magnemite, all stuck together. April said it was called a Magneton. Huh.

Next to the desk was a board full of dark posters displaying cool looking Pokemon.

"That's the Wanted Board. It shows all the current un-captured criminals and their respective bounties. Teams of Pokemon, be them Rescue teams, Exploration teams, or even Salvaging teams, can go out and arrest the criminals and earn a reward from the Sheriff. Handling outlaws is tough, but the pay is good," April explained.

"Oh, maybe that Pokemon that robbed us will be on the board. I might be able to pick them out if I can see a picture." So April and I navigated over to the poster. I caught the Lucario eyeing us from behind the desk while we walked, but he soon returned his attention to the Magneton.

The board was full of nasty characters. There was a Metang, a Servine, a Zorua, and a couple others. But on the bottom right was a poster of a dark purple, almost black, humanoid Pokemon. She had a feather sticking out of her head and her glare was piercing, even if it was just a poster.

"That's it! Sneasel. She's the thief!" I exclaimed.

"Hm. The poster says to give any information concerning her straight to the Sheriff. It doesn't say anything else."

"All right, I'll do just that." I walked over the counter, which was several inches taller than me. I frowned. Then I saw a little bell and rang it, figuring that's what I was supposed to do.

"Hm?" Lucario mumbled as he leaned over the counter to peer at us. "Oh, sorry, I realize the counter is a tad too high, heh heh. Come around the back if you need to speak with me."

We rounded the corner of the counter, then another and found an opening in the desk. Lucario finished his conversation with the Magneton, who floated over us and went on his(?) way. Lucario gave a friendly smile. "So, I am Sheriff Lucario. What is it that you need?"

"Um, I was kinda robbed by Sneasel. I was hoping you could help," I admitted.

"Sneasel? That shaky devil has been thieving things all over the city. She's strange though, she never takes any money, just some random object, usually gold or silver looking."

"Yeah, she took my gold pen thing. It belongs to a friend of ours. I was going to return it, but then it was stolen."

"I see. Well, think you can tell me anything about the robbery?"

"Not really, I was half awake at the time. It happened just before the crack of dawn. I barely caught sight of her as she jumped to another building's roof. She hopped from rooftop to rooftop for a while, then disappeared. She probably jumped into an alley or something."

"Uh-huh...And where did that all happen at?" Lucario was printing things on a page in a messy PokePrint scrawl.

"Treasure Hotel, just inside of town."

"Hm. Most of the sightings have been around the hotel. She must be staying somewhere near there. Well, it's not much to go off of, but if we see her or the pen, we'll let you know. Is that all right? I'm sorry I couldn't help you further."

"No, that's okay. Thanks anyways. I'll tell you if I see her again." We said our goodbyes and April and I left the building.

"Think I'll ever get the pen back? It was Uxie's..." I asked April.

"You should have more faith in the police force. Lucario may be nice, but he's no pushover."

"I know, it's just that--hey, wait a minute! Look, up there, on the roof across the street!" Across the street from us was Sneasel, smirking at us. I motioned to the Pawniard and they ran inside to get Lucario. Sneasel took off on the rooftops and April and I gave the chase. We didn't want to lose her, even if it was sure to be a trap. I followed on the ground, not taking my eyes off of the criminal. April was flying above her, in hot pursuit. It may not be her fight, necessarily, but April was determined to help.

In the process of trying to not lose my target, I ended up running into a poor Squirtle and knocked him right over. I quickly apologized, but the Sneasel was no where to be seen. I saw April rush into an alley from above, however, and so I followed.

"Eey-yaa!" April screamed. I grew wide-eyed and I turned the corner into the gap between the buildings.

In the darkness, three figures glared at me, including Sneasel. April was squirming while she was trapped by a long black tail that belonged to the figure in the middle. He spoke, and I was suddenly very angry.

"Hey Sparky, you don't mind if I take your sweetheart around town with me for a while, do ya? What, are you surprised to see me? Heh heh heh..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sooooo, whats gonna happen? Whose the bad Pokemon? Do you think that I don't think that you think that it's you-know-who? Did you follow that at all? Why do I always ask you stupid questions after every chapter? Guess we'll just have to wait until Chapter 11, right?

Azurus
24th September 2012, 12:21 AM
Raichu? You smirking sneak thieving evil bastard. I thought it was a gold pin not a gold pen, why would Uxie have a pen?

Anyway when you're describing the scene where Sparky and April are looking at the wanted poster, it should be "April and I" and not "me and April" though I use the latter all the time.
Also, multiple misspellings of the word "It's" near the beginning you have at least 2 of them wrong and spelled without the apostraphe.

Anyway, I always look forward to more and I wonder how Shane is gonna resolve this one.

Darkened_Kingdra
24th September 2012, 12:23 AM
Oho…… I thinkn i know who Tail Guy is
Otherwise i love th chapter as always. Will Sparky and april get a new teammate with the Pickup ability? That would make up their stolen money real fast

Knightfall
24th September 2012, 1:27 AM
Is that a new chapter I see? Well then, let's review!




"Well, I wasn't able to before but I can now. It means something...something still happening with me. Its as if whatever changed me into this isn't finished." I was staring at my paws.

"You look like a normal Pachirisu to me though."

"No, not physically. Its messing with my head. If it can change how I read, who knows what else it could change. And that...scares me."


Oh stop complaining, Shane. If that's all that's wrong with your head, you should be grateful.



"Teehee! Sparky, its the main hotel in town. Why need anything fancy in it's name?"

Her giggle's back! "Well, I dunno. Eh, forget it. By the way...do we have any money?"


It seems a rather quick rebound in her attitude, but I suppose the relief of everyone being alive and well would make her feel better.



"Oh no. I wonder if they'll transfer the funds or something."

"Sparky, it doesn't work that way. Its not like its insured or anything. Where'd you come out with that thought?"

"Um...I dunno. I don't even know why I suggested it. Maybe human banks work that way?"


Ah, the odd and meanless pieces of memory that occasionally float up. They're amusing. Which reminds me, I should probably write some into my story at some point...



The walls were solid and not made out of the thrown-together wood that I was used to seeing. Bright stones were set at intervals in the ceiling making the inside seem like daylight. The walls held some of these crystals as well as some carved statue decorations made to look like various Pokemon. The floor had some sort of red furry material covering it. My subconscious pulled up the word carpet and I figured that must have been what it was called, though I'd have no idea how they would have made it.


Wow, I know you mentioned this to me before in our discusions, but you did really well with the description here.



"Well, of course!" She wrote some things down with a black stick-like object. "Er, how tall are you?"

"About a foot, I guess," April answered.

That's an odd question, I thought.

You're not alone Shane, when I first read it I was confused as well. But then I got it. It's actually pretty creative.



The dream I had that night was different than my normal dream. Everything was dark except two subjects. On the right was a Pachirisu. It was me, and yet, it wasn't me. On the left was a slightly tall teenage human. Was that me? When I was a human? He looks very familiar. But I can't remember. The boy and the Pachirisu were arguing about something. I couldn't remember what they said though, because I forgot the words when I woke up. Just then, as soon as the Pachirisu began to growl in frustration, something woke me up quickly.

It's never good when the odd dreams start. Trust me on this one.



"Sparky? What's wrong?" a dreary April said.

"We've been robbed! A Pokemon came into our room and stole Uxie's gold thing! They took off and jumped out this window."


Kind of abrupt, but otherwise nothing wrong.



We navigated wide, busy streets full of Pokemon rushing to work or other such places. We rushed through dark alleys home to less honorable Pokemon that, thankfully, left us alone. We passed empty lots that displayed various signs about construction. Treasure City was vast indeed.


Man, your Treasure Town and mine are vastly different. It's almost like they're in alternate universes. As for how different ... let's just say that I chose the background pic for my sig for a specific reason....



"You should have more faith in the police force. Lucario may be nice, but he's no pushover."

I have no doubts now, our stories are in alternate universes. I mean, a competent police force? That's about as opposite as you can get from my story. :)



In the darkness, three figures glared at me, including Sneasel. April was squirming while she was trapped by a long black tail that belonged to the figure in the middle. He spoke, and I was suddenly very angry.

"Hey Sparky, you don't mind if I take your sweetheart around town with me for a while, do ya? What, are you surprised to see me? Heh heh heh..."


Oh, now that's a good cliffhanger. I'm pretty sure who it is, but I'll keep my opinions reserved for now.

Anyways, great chapter, I noticed a few misspelled words and some that were missing (When they said they were at the city gate, "the" wasn't there).

Hope to see Chapter Evelen soon,

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Brutaka
24th September 2012, 3:56 AM
I thought it was a gold pin not a gold pen, why would Uxie have a pen?
Pin, pen, bah. I alternate between both because its not really either, if that makes sense at all :/ Its kinda like pen, but decorative.


Anyway when you're describing the scene where Sparky and April are looking at the wanted poster, it should be "April and I" and not "me and April" though I use the latter all the time.
I had to use 'April and I' quite a bit in the chapter and messed up nearly every time and put 'me and April' instead. I figured I'd miss one eventually. Fixed.


Also, multiple misspellings of the word "It's" near the beginning you have at least 2 of them wrong and spelled without the apostraphe.
Yeah, i hate those. I know the rule, and but they're so hard to catch. If you'll point them out specifically, i'll fix 'em.[/QUOTE]


Oho…… I thinkn i know who Tail Guy is
Don't we all? ;)


Will Sparky and april get a new teammate with the Pickup ability? That would make up their stolen money real fast
I don't think April and Shane will pick up a team mate at all, at least not permanently. They'll just make the money the old fashioned way.


Oh stop complaining, Shane. If that's all that's wrong with your head, you should be grateful.
Haha, true, but he's more worried about what else could happen.


It seems a rather quick rebound in her attitude, but I suppose the relief of everyone being alive and well would make her feel better.
Yes, April is very topsy-turby with her emotions. I wouldn't go as far as calling her bipolar, but let's leave it at saying her emotions are...easily influenced.


Ah, the odd and meaningless pieces of memory that occasionally float up. They're amusing. Which reminds me, I should probably write some into my story at some point...
I still remember the pen and pencil thought Leo had, lol.


Wow, I know you mentioned this to me before in our discusions, but you did really well with the description here.
Thanks, that description were hard.


You're not alone Shane, when I first read it I was confused as well. But then I got it. It's actually pretty creative.
It would make sense to have different room sizes. Its not a problem for humans: we're all about the same size/shape. I mean, their hotels should be able to comfortably fit any Pokemon from Sunkern to Mamoswine, or they risk losing revenue or potential customers.


It's never good when the odd dreams start. Trust me on this one.
Heh...heh.....heheheheHEHEHEH. *ahem* Where was I?


Kind of abrupt, but otherwise nothing wrong.
Er, it was a bit. Hm.


Man, your Treasure Town and mine are vastly different. It's almost like they're in alternate universes. As for how different ... let's just say that I chose the background pic for my sig for a specific reason....
I have no doubts now, our stories are in alternate universes. I mean, a competent police force? That's about as opposite as you can get from my story. :)
Reminds me of Salvage Springs... Which reminds, the Battle for Treasure City should happening soon. 12? Yeah, 12.
Its probably because your story is dark, and mine is light. Like two sides of the same coin...Woah, I went all Grimsley on ya there, sorry about that, lol.


Oh, now that's a good cliffhanger. I'm pretty sure who it is, but I'll keep my opinions reserved for now.
The cliffhanger is actually relatively similar to Chapter 3's cliffhanger, did you know that?


Anyways, great chapter, I noticed a few mispelled words and some that were missing (When they said they were at the city gate, "the" wasn't there).
Just like you misspelled 'misspelled'? ;) lol, yeah, the chapter didnt go through my beta since they were sick and busy. Eh.


Hope to see Chapter Eleven soon,
Yeah, I'll start writing once I'm not so addicted to Black Mesa. You know, the Half-Life(2?) fan-remake? Its basically the original, just with better graphics and a slightly tweaked story progression.

Azurus
24th September 2012, 4:18 AM
3 instances of its.
2 instances in the paragraph when they are looking for an inn, (It is right near the beginning, maybe a couple paragraphs down)and then there's another 1 in the paragraph after it.

I'd quote them but my 3DS doesn't do that too well.

Brutaka
24th September 2012, 4:54 AM
3 instances of its.
2 instances in the paragraph when they are looking for an inn, (It is right near the beginning, maybe a couple paragraphs down)and then there's another 1 in the paragraph after it.

Hm. All the ones I see in the beginning at least are correct.
If I'm not mistaken,
Its = it is
It's = belonging to 'it'
That is correct, yes? Im still a little shaky on such things.

jireh the provider
24th September 2012, 7:46 AM
Normally, the Kind of reviewer I am is a general reviewer. Only at times I want to point the key highlights of the chapter I'm reviewing.

First to notice was Treasure City. Sure for me, I am thinking that it maybe an upgrade to the "Explorers Saga" of treasure town. i find it to be nice in all honesty.

But it has that kind of enigma the way do mechanized the hotel. By height? Now that's effectively written well. Hopefully it ain't expensive.

And Someone pulp out the life of that Raichu. Unless that Sneasel and Raichu are dating, then it's trouble for our Pachirisu and Emolga.

And about the alleyways of the city, something tells me that Treasure city has some architectural styles found in Brazil (sort of).

Very nice approach on describing the music.

If you were to give this story a theme, what would it be?

Knightfall
24th September 2012, 11:12 AM
Hm. All the ones I see in the beginning at least are correct.
If I'm not mistaken,
Its = it is
It's = belonging to 'it'
That is correct, yes? Im still a little shaky on such things.

Actually, you've got it backwards.
It's=it is
Its= possessive to it

Believe me, I look at that rule on a poster everyday in my English class. I know what I'm talking about. :)

Knightfall signing off... ;005;

Rotomknight
24th September 2012, 12:07 PM
ice jobrcu,
what is he,
team dark, you know form mystery red version.

Azurus
24th September 2012, 6:46 PM
Hm. All the ones I see in the beginning at least are correct.
If I'm not mistaken,
Its = it is
It's = belonging to 'it'
That is correct, yes? Im still a little shaky on such things.

That is backwards.
Also here all the examples you have wrong, I'll bold and underline them



Hey, sorry about the wait, but its time for a new chapter!

Its all right. But it needs more comments,

"Well, I wasn't able to before but I can now. It means something...something still happening with me. Its as if whatever changed me into this isn't finished." I was staring at my paws.

"No, not physically. Its messing with my head. If it can change how I read, who knows what else it could change. And that...scares me."

"I guess I just let myself get carried away before. Truth be told, I had always planned on moving eventually. To Treasure City, in fact. Its the biggest city for hundreds and hundreds of miles. Salvage Springs was actually formed from adventurers from Treasure City that wanted to make a name for themselves without having to worry about competition. Anyway, its really late, so we should find a place to stay. We're already at city gate, so maybe we can find an inn or something."

"I see." We started walking down the main street looking for an inn. "Its kind of neat that you've always wanted to live here. Its almost as if...it was always meant to happen."

"'Treasure Hotel,'" I read. "Well, at least its obvious. Not a very creative name though."

"Teehee! Sparky, its the main hotel in town. Why need anything fancy in it's name?"

"Sparky, it doesn't work that way. Its not like its insured or anything. Where'd you come out with that thought?"

"Maybe, but not Pokemon banks. We've never had to really worry about it, and there's no real way to transfer Poke easily. Once the money is gone, its gone. Anyway, I should have enough on me for a room for us."

"Its going to suck having to make all that money up again."

"Wow...This room is really nice! And its the perfect size for us too." I walked over and sat on the bed, which was only slightly longer than me with my tail stretched out.

"That really stinks. But I guess we'll have to report it to the police tomorrow. Its still too early, and I'm still sleepy."

"I'm sorry Sparky, its only until tomorrow." She laid back down.

"Hm. Most of the sightings have been around the hotel. She must be staying somewhere near there. Well, its not much to go off of, but if we see her or the pen, we'll let you know. Is that all right? I'm sorry I couldn't help you further."

"I know, its just that--hey, wait a minute! Look, up there, on the roof across the street!"

Do you think that I dont think that you think that its you-know-who?

Btw, a good way to tell is if it makes sense is by expanding the words, all the underlined bolded examples can still work when typed out "It is" but if that does not make sense, then "Its" is the correct way to spell it, and you only had 1 correct usage of the word "its"

(I used ctrl f to find all the errors so I know that is all the words that are used incorrectly)

Brutaka
24th September 2012, 11:21 PM
First to notice was Treasure City. Sure for me, I am thinking that it maybe an upgrade to the "Explorers Saga" of treasure town. i find it to be nice in all honesty.
Yeah, of course, it's the future version for Treasure Town, from those games.


But it has that kind of enigma the way do mechanized the hotel. By height? Now that's effectively written well. Hopefully it ain't expensive. Sadly, it's very expensive.


And Someone pulp out the life of that Raichu. Unless that Sneasel and Raichu are dating, then it's trouble for our Pachirisu and Emolga.
Oh, Raichu will get what's coming to him eventually.


And about the alleyways of the city, something tells me that Treasure city has some architectural styles found in Brazil (sort of).
Alleyways are common features of large cities found across the globe.


Very nice approach on describing the music.
...music?


If you were to give this story a theme, what would it be?
Adventure, discovery, light, i dunno.


Actually, you've got it backwards.
It's=it is
Its= possessive to it

Believe me, I look at that rule on a poster everyday in my English class. I know what I'm talking about. :)
Gosh dang it. Every time. I hate its and it's. In fact, I hate English. It's so confusing. And it's the only language I know... :/


Nice job bru,
what is he team dark, you know form mystery red version.
No, no, this story takes place hundreds of years after PMD Red & Blue Rescue Team.


That is backwards.
Also here all the examples you have wrong, I'll bold and underline them
Yeeeeaaaaah, see my response to Knightfall :/


Btw, a good way to tell is if it makes sense is by expanding the words, all the underlined bolded examples can still work when typed out "It is" but if that does not make sense, then "Its" is the correct way to spell it, and you only had 1 correct usage of the word "its"
See, everyone tells me to do that, but that doesn't work. In fact, thats a stupid thing for me to think. And pointless. The thing is, is that I don't know what each version means or stands for, so if you tell me to expand it, i wouldn't know what its or it's to expand, see what I mean? I confuse the two. But I think I got it now. Fixed.

Azurus
25th September 2012, 12:20 AM
See, everyone tells me to do that, but that doesn't work. In fact, thats a stupid thing for me to think. And pointless. The thing is, is that I don't know what each version means or stands for, so if you tell me to expand it, i wouldn't know what its or it's to expand, see what I mean? I confuse the two. But I think I got it now. Fixed.

Well it is rather simple, really.
"Its" regardless of where you place it cannot be expanded, so if you cannot expand it because it wouldn't make sense, then that is the correct word.

An example: (Its tail) if you tried to expand "Its" to It is, it wouldn't sound right, it would sound like this: (It is tail) which you can see, is wrong.
Another example: (It's time) if you tried to expand "It's" to It is, it would make sense as it would sound like: (It is time) which you can see, is correct.

That's basically all you have to know for the usage of the words Its and It's. So if you run that little test every time you use those words, you can check to see if it is correct. Or if you want to avoid it all together, just use It is and Its and don't worry about the contractions.

I am just trying to help here, so hopefully I don't come off as a know it all or something and generally unpleasant because that is not what I'm going for at all.


Also, English does suck and it's my only language too.

Brutaka
25th September 2012, 12:52 AM
Well it is rather simple, really.
"Its" regardless of where you place it cannot be expanded, so if you cannot expand it because it wouldn't make sense, then that is the correct word.

An example: (Its tail) if you tried to expand "Its" to It is, it wouldn't sound right, it would sound like this: (It is tail) which you can see, is wrong.
Another example: (It's time) if you tried to expand "It's" to It is, it would make sense as it would sound like: (It is time) which you can see, is correct.

That's basically all you have to know for the usage of the words Its and It's. So if you run that little test every time you use those words, you can check to see if it is correct. Or if you want to avoid it all together, just use It is and Its and don't worry about the contractions.

I am just trying to help here, so hopefully I don't come off as a know it all or something and generally unpleasant because that is not what I'm going for at all.


Also, English does suck and it's my only language too.

No, no, your fine. But the reason I can't think that is because I can't remember which version of 'its' is supposed to have the apostrophe, since they both have equal tight to have it. Understand what I mean yet?

Azurus
25th September 2012, 1:44 AM
The one with the apostraphe is the one where it can be 2 words, since it signifies missing letters, that's the case with almost all uses of apostraphes. But I do know what you mean.

Brutaka
25th September 2012, 1:57 AM
The one with the apostrophe is the one where it can be 2 words, since it signifies missing letters, that's the case with almost all uses of apostrophes. But I do know what you mean.

Well, I know that now, but I always forget. Because possessive words have an apostrophe, and so does contractions. Maybe its because it is a possessive pronoun? He and She become His and Hers, so I guess that warrants 'its' strangeness. Ugh, English is such a stupid language.

Brutaka
19th December 2012, 1:14 AM
Sorry for making you for so long, I had AVT to get through and tests and home work and blah blah blah blah...


Chapter 11
Spirit

"Raichu..." I growled, "put her down!"

April struggled against Raichu's tail, but her arms couldn’t gain the leverage to overcome its strength.

"What's the matter? Are you jealous, Sparky? No? Well, regardless, this isn't about you." Raichu turned his focus to April, still struggling to free herself. "You know, I've always liked you. I've shown my affection for you. And what do I get? Denial! A slap to the face! Well, no more. See, I got a new girl. One that appreciates all the care I give her."

"Aw, Raichu, no need to get sentimental over me," the Sneasel said with a sly grin.

"It's true, sweetie," Raichu said, winking at her.

"Can we get to the point already? I'm waiting for the part where you let April go," I said rudely.

"Hey! I'm being perfectly polite with you. April, on the other hand, has some justice coming to her. Well, maybe not justice. Revenge would a better word."

"Let...me...go!" April muttered with emotion.

"Always the impatient one. Won’t even let me monologue. But I'll get to my point. For the past five years, I longed for you. But you never showed anything back. It hurt. It hurt a lot. You'll never be able to feel the pain like I did, but I can try!" With that last line, my eyes grew wide as a current of electricity burst down his tail and into April.

"Gyaaah!" April screamed. Normally, Electric-type attacks wouldn't harm other Electric-types much. April's partial Flying affinity, however, caused the attack to hurt much more.

"April! Raichu, let her go now!" I tried running up to Raichu, but Sneasel and Raichu's other partner, a Houndour, stepped in the way.

"No you don't! We have explicit orders not to let you through," Sneasel said.

"Out of my way!" I cried. I charged up some electricity, cheeks cackling, and grabbed the Sneasel's arms. The charge carried, but it didn't faze her. She threw me backwards.

"You're gonna have to do better than that, Sparky!" she cackled.

I got to my feet just in time to dodge Houndour’s burst of fire.

"Ayeeh!" April screamed again as the charge was increased. I could do nothing but watch, as my attacks did nothing to harm Sneasel or Houndour. April had the worst look of anguish on her face. It tore me up to watch her like that and not being able to do anything about it. Then, with one final silent scream, she passed out.

Raichu stopped the attack and tossed her over his partners. "Ha! Weakling. You can have her back now." She landed - painfully - next to me. I ran over to her and tried to wake her. She was very much alive but she was unresponsive.

"Raichu!" Hot tears stung my eyes. "How dare you hurt her!"

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?" he mocked.

"I...I...I'll destroy you!"

He simply laughed.. His partners followed his example.

Tears made my sight blurry. I noticed shortly however, that my vision was tinged an electric shade of blue. Power surged from some unknown recess of energy. A blue aura of electricity was visible around me. It felt really good, but I wasn't focused on that. I was also able to remember most of this clearly, unlike my first time back in the forest near Uxie's pond against the Mankey.

Raichu and company had stopped laughing. They had focus in their eyes and a battle stance ready. They also looked slightly confused, as if they hadn't expected someone like me to appear to be so powerful.

Sneasel took the first step towards me, claws brandished. I launched a huge bolt of blue lightning that threw Sneasel back nearly ten feet. She was unconscious before she hit the ground. The long-range lightning attack was odd, in retrospect, because the only Electric-typed move I knew was Spark. Spark was a contact-only technique.

Houndour was surprised by my attack, but he then breathed in so as to prepare for a move of his own. As he blew fire at me, I launched another lightning bolt at him. It canceled out the fire and hit him square in the chest. He was also blasted backwards and landed near Sneasel. He struggled to get up and he fell back down in the end.

Raichu look worried for a moment, but then he smirked. "Heh, at least you're not the weakling I seen back in the cafe. But I'm an Electric-type; what are you going to do to me? I've got this in the bag."

He launched a large bolt of lightning at me, though not as large as mine. As soon it hit me, it simply was absorbed into my electrical aura. His eyes went wide with shock.

"No! That's not possible!" Raichu uttered in disbelief.

I ignored his comment and launched a continuous beam of lightning at Raichu. It struck him and the stream of electrical energy poured over him. He winced, but he didn't appear to be getting hurt.

"I-Is that all you got? Weak," Raichu murmured, though he couldn't launch his own attack that way.

I increased the voltage and he took a step back. He spread his legs and lowered his body. His stance kept him from getting launched backwards, but his face showed that his stamina was diminishing.

"I...won't be beaten...by you!" It was all talk though. He couldn't fight the stream of pure electricity that was pouring over him.

I dumped all of my power into electric beam. His stance faltered and with a look of agony he was launched backwards. He joined the two of his partners in being collapsed on the ground.

"S-Sparky...? Ungh..." April moaned from behind me. Instantly, my electrical aura vanished, the mysterious power withdrew, and my vision returned to normal. I ran over to her and helped her up. She had to lean on me to even stand though.

"What was...all that, Sparky? You were...all blue. You...were shooting...attacks! I've never heard of a Pachirisu that could suddenly...erk..be that powerful out of nowhere. Other Pokemon, maybe...but not... " April still had an air of disbelief as she struggled to speak.

"I don't know how I do it. But whenever I...I see you get hurt, this power just sprouts from seemingly nothing. My actions are all being guided, I guess you could say, by some other thing. I don't know what."

"Wait, so this happened before?"

"Yeah, back when we got attacked by those Mankey. When you were knocked out, the power came over me like it did this time. I didn't have as much control that time though. In fact, I largely had no idea what I was doing. This time it was a lot clearer. Still, I was largely fueled by rage from what Raichu did to you."

"Sparky--" April was about to say something, but she was cut off.

"Hello? Is everyone all right?" a voice said from outside the alley. It was Lucario and the two Pawniards. "Oh, good heavens, what happened?"

"It was a set-up. Sneasel was working with Raichu. Sneasel stole my item and then taunted me into following her," I explained.

"But, who is this Raichu? I've never seen him before," Lucario asked.

"A slime-ball that keeps following me around. He keeps trying to win me over. As if I'd ever go out with him." April squinted her eyes at Raichu while she spoke.

"I see...So, Raichu was one of the Salvage Springs refugees, like you two? That makes sense. But how did he get into touch with Sneasel, a criminal who was already wanted before he arrived? Not only that, but why? And who's this Houndour? And why are they hurt? Did you two beat them? And why are you so injured?" Lucario directed the last of the rapidly fired questions at April.

"Well, from what I've seen, Raichu and Sneasel are a couple now. Raichu lured us here to give my friend...revenge, I guess. She was severely injured and knocked out. I guess I went a little crazy and zapped them. And then they ended up like that," I tried to answer.

"Wait, you attacked them? And then they just fell like that? But how did you beat Raichu? I wouldn't imagine that...someone of your stature...could be so...powerful." Lucario was trying his hardest to keep from offending me, that much was easy to see.

I squinted at him, but I shook it off. "I'm not sure. I don't know how it works."

"How does what work?"

"The...power. I dunno. All I know is that when either me or my friend here are in trouble, I get way stronger. No idea why."

"I see. That's very strange, I've never heard of that before." Lucario looked at Raichu, who was being tied up by a Pawniard and a Pansage that had shown up recently. Sneasel and Houndour were already bound. Lucario turned to his fellow police Pokemon. "All right, take them back to the office for questioning."

As the three still semi-conscious Pokemon were lead out of the alley, Lucario noticed something where Sneasel had landed. "Oh!" he exclaimed as he picked it up. "Pachirisu, is this yours?"

Lucario handed me a shiny object. It was Uxie's pin! "This is it! That's incredible. She must have still had it on her. Oh, but Lucario, my name is Shane."

"Shane, huh? Name's aren't too common, seeing as they're usually reserved for special Pokemon. Like your friend there. I bet she's got a name."

"April! My name is April." She had finally been able to stand on her feet, but she still looked in pain. I handed her another Oran Berry, which she nibbled on.

"It's her coloring. Seeing a copper-furred Emolga is a once in a lifetime chance."

"Oh, Lucario, I know I'm awesome, but come on." April grinned, her regular attitude cutting through her pain.

"The point is Shane, why do you have a name? You don't look any different than other Pachirisu. No offense, of course."

"Er, I can't really tell you...It isn't that I want to keep it a secret, but you would never believe me anyways."

"I believed you..." April whispered. I swallowed and gave a small nod.

Lucario frowned. "How do you know I wouldn't believe you? I've seen a lot of crazy things."

"Well..." I took a look around. No one else was still in the alley. "Okay, I'll tell you. Though I know I said I don't care to keep it a secret, b-but don't tell anyone. Please?"

"Shane, I'm the Sheriff - you can trust me."

And so, I told Sheriff Lucario my story. I left out any...complications between April and I, but I made sure to cover everything else. He frowned at the beginning, but it softened out towards the end. There was still that spark of disbelief in his eyes; I could see it.

"And so that's it. You don't believe me, do you."

"Well, um, it's not that I don't believe you, it's just...okay, I'm skeptical, sorry. It just sounds so far out there..."

"I understand. I wouldn't believe me either." I was disappointed, of course. If the Sheriff wouldn't believe me, who would?

Lucario sighed. Then his eyes grew wide and he blinked a few times, as if he suddenly had a revelation.

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing...It's just that...There are legends about two times that human had been turned into a Pokemon. In both stories, that hero had saved the world."

"I heard about that. Uxie told me the story about the falling star."

"Oh, so you've heard it? That was the first legend. The second legend spoke of when time was threatened. A hero had been turned into a Pokemon, collected all the time gears, and restored Temporal Tower."

"Interesting...but what does that have to do with me?"

"Well, in both events, a human had been turned into a Pokemon. They each had a native Pokemon partner, much like you do, Shane. Both of them appeared in the time of great need as well. The first one saved the world from a meteor -- what they called a falling star. The second one saved the world from an eternal darkness that would have been caused by the paralysis of time."

"Meteor...paralysis of time..." I muttered. "Wait! Are you implying that the world is danger right now? What's happening?"

"Perhaps. I don't know much about it. Uxie would be able to tell you better. His siblings as well. Come on, I'll take you to them." He waved for us to follow him, and we left the alley. Uxie has siblings? Huh. I assisted April as we walked since she was still drained. The Oran Berries she was eating were helping, but the process was slow.

Outside the alley, the world continued on as if nothing had happen. Perhaps it’s because to them, nothing truly had happened. To them, no one was brutally shocked into unconsciousness before their eyes. They did, however, notice Sheriff Lucario and they abruptly moved out of his path. He nodded to people who made eye contact and continued on his way. Before us, in the distance, loomed a large dome-shaped building.

“Is that where we’re going?” April wondered.

“That’s right. That’s the council building. It’s where our Elder resides. He’s meeting with Uxie in there,” Lucario explained.

Up close, the building only had a dome-shaped roof. The building itself was cylindrical, with columns circling the outer wall. The huge door was wide open and the darkness inside loomed before us. The whispers of discussion leaked out.

“Quiet as we enter the chambers. I suspect they are in a heated session,” Lucario warned. We nodded.

Inside the building was only a single room. It was large and was capable of seating many Pokemon around a huge, wooden central table. The inside walls of the chamber were inset with columns at regular intervals, just as the outside had been. The columns were made of a stark white stone that sharply contrasted the deep wood that the rest of the wall was made of. The columns also sported square lamps that lit the room similarly to the crystals from the hotel. The roof had a skylight that let the midday sun pour over the table.

Currently, only three Pokemon were present. On the very left of us was Uxie, who held his arms crossed and wore the look of perpetual thought that he always seemed to have. On the very right was a Pokemon who looked very similar to Uxie. The only main differences were that it’s eyes were open and instead of a gold, bowl-shaped hair design on it’s head, it sported four long, pink tendrils coming from the top of it’s head. Directly across from us was another Pokemon that appeared similar to Uxie. This was also had open eyes, which had a passionate fire in them. It’s hair-like pattern was blue, and looked like a triangular hat that extended past the sides of it’s face.

“Uxie, we have enough wards. Treasure City is hundreds of years old,” said the blue, masculine-voiced one, gesturing towards Uxie.

“But something like this hasn’t happened since the Time Crisis! Salvage Springs was...flattened! And I couldn’t stop it. Mesprit,” he pointed to the pink Pokemon, “you couldn’t stop your town from being destroyed either, could you?”

“N-no. I tried to put a barrier up, I really did, but it wasn’t powerful enough. Tornadus...and Thundurus...they blew Medarn Falls apart.” Mesprit sounded female and very emotional, like she was on the verge of tears.

“But why would Z be trying to destroy these pointless towns? Not to offend either of you, but they’re tiny.” Azelf sounded suspicious.

Uxie, on the other hand, made it seem like it was obvious. “Sure, they’re tiny. But they are incredibly strategic. Those are Treasure City’s closest neighbors! And they’ve been swept aside. Now the path is wide open and Z can smash us into oblivion.”

“He has a point...” Mesprit said gently.

Azelf blinked. He rested his mouth on his hand in thought. “That makes a lot of sense actually. We need to contact General R.”

“I know it seems bleak, but do we really need to ally ourselves in this? Being...His children...doesn’t that mean we should be neutral?” Uxie spoke the words, but he didn’t seem entirely committed.

“Oh, come on! We all know Dialga is allied to Z! If anyone shouldn’t be taking sides, it’s those three.”

“And if R is going to have any hope of winning, we’ll have to help, Uxie. We can offset Dialga, you know that.”

“Does that mean we should though? Father typically doesn’t like us to intervene in much...” Uxie’s argument was falling apart.

“Oh, forget about Him! Are we going to live the rest of eternity fearing His watch? Now’s the time to act! Now...Uxie. Are you onboard yet?”

Uxie stared at the center of the table long and hard. Finally: “Fine. I’m in.”

Azelf smirked. “Good. Now, brother,” he looked at Uxie, “sister,” he looked at Mesprit, “let us call General R. We will tell him that we have decided to join his cause. But he has to help us. Treasure City will be targeted before too long, if what you two say is correct.” He then looked directly at me for the first time in the whole meeting. “And who might you be?”

Uxie look at us as if he didn’t even realise we were here. “Oh, that’s Shane. And April. It looks like you’re hurt, April. Are you alright? And Sheriff Lucario. I wasn’t expecting you either.”

Lucario started. “These two say they have something for you. They went through quite a bit of trouble to get it back. In fact, they were attacked in an alleyway in an attempt to retrieve the stolen object.”

“For me?” Azelf wondered.

“No, for me, is that right?” Uxie asked.

I nodded. “May I...?” Uxie motioned for me to come up to him. I made sure April wouldn’t fall over before I left her and I approached Uxie. I rummaged through the salvage bag and pulled out the golden artifact. Azelf and Mesprit gasped collectively.

“Uxie!? You lost that!? Do you know what could have happened?” Azelf was clearly flustered. His eyebrows were furrowed and he held a snarl.

“I can’t even...” Mesprit mumbled.

Uxie frowned. “Yes, yes, I misplaced it. Important thing is, is that it’s here. No harm done.”

“‘No harm done’...bah, sometimes, I just have no idea where your head is Uxie.” Azelf mumbled, touching his hand to his forehead.

“Uxie, what exactly is this?” I asked, handing it over to him. He took it, turning it over in his grasp.

“Just an item. Every...er, legendary being has it.” Uxie used his psychic powers to levitate it out in front of him, and with a flash, it was gone.

“Wah! Where’d it go?” I uttered abruptly.

“Relax. I still have it. I can get it whenever I want, I just don’t have to carry it this way.”

“So all of you have one too?” I asked Azelf and Mesprit.

Mesprit nodded. Azelf added, “Yes, though typically we don’t lose them...” He glared at Uxie.

Uxie threw his hands up. “Okay, okay, we get it. Can we at least get to the matter at hand?”

“Yeah, what were you guys talking about when I came in?” I asked.

Azelf hesitated. Then he looked at me. “Tell me, what do you know of the war?”

“War?”

“Oh, I see. Have you heard the terms ‘Master Z’ or ‘General R’ anywhere?” Azelf questioned.

Spiritomb’s voice echoed inside my mind, It’s DEFILEMENT! General Z promised us that if we didn’t join General R’s side, we’d be safe. We’d be left in peace. IT’S TREASON!. And then to Moltres, It was a necessary win though. Uxie didn't want to join with Master Z, so we attacked. General R was at least smart enough to send in opposition...

“A couple times,” I admitted. “We had found and defeated a Spiritomb in a cave near Salvage Springs. It had apparently been promised that if it did not associate with General R, he would be left in peace. You can imagine how angry he’d been when his cave opened up and Salvage teams started invading.”

“Moltres mentioned something too.” April muttered.

“Moltres? Were you there when Salvage Springs was attacked?” Azelf looked intrigued now.

Uxie answered for us. “Shane and April were residents. I assumed they had fled with the rest of the population, but they couldn’t have if they were close enough to hear the birds conversing.”

“We got trapped inside that cave with the Spiritomb. The opening had closed again. Apparently, the birds had blasted a hole in the ceiling of the cave and we escaped. Moltres was gloating with the other birds. He commented on how they were going to let the whole city burn since Uxie didn’t join them. Them being Master Z and company, I would assume,” I explained thoroughly.

“I see. Well, as you should have probably pieced together now, we are in the middle of war. Most of the region follows General R, otherwise known as Reshiram, and a smaller group follows Master Z, who is Zekrom. Not many remain neutral.” Azelf crossed his arms as he finished speaking.

“A war? Why? What are they fighting over?” Could this be the calamity Lucario was hinting about earlier?

Azelf waved it off. “Reshiram and Zekrom are always warring. Usually they do it with a human companion. Apparently they realised that neither ever won that way. So they fled here and decided to continue the fight without a human partner.”

A large questioned surfaced in my mind. “Why does anyone join them then? If it’s just a personal conflict, then how did they get any followers?”

Uxie grimaced. “Power...protection, who knows?”

“Well that’s just-” I was cut off mid-sentence by a loud, high pitched wail in the distance.

Lucario stood tall. “The siren!”

Mesprit buried her face into her hands. “Oh no, it’s already starting...” she moaned.

Azelf looked wide-eyed at Uxie. “Hurry! Patch Reshiram through! We can’t hold them off alone...”

Uxie placed his fingertips on his temples. Then he glowed with a purple hue. Once it faded, he nodded at Azelf.

“Alright, R got our message. Now we have to hold the opposition until his forces can get through.” Uxie seemed worried despite the incoming help.

“Well, come on, let’s go!” Azelf yelled. The three sprites rushed out of their places a left the council room. Lucario followed.

I looked at April. “You’re still tired. Don’t you think you should stay here?”

“What? I’m not gonna sit around while you go battle some awesome Pokemon!” She shoved me off. She grimaced as she took a step. A few steps later, she looked dizzy and tipped over. I rushed to catch her.

“You can’t possibly go further. Just wait here, please?”

She made a pouty face, lips pursed. “Fine.” I lead her over to one of the council chairs and helped her in it. I gave her an Oran berry. She took it reluctantly.

“I’ll be back before you know it!” I promised, then ran out the door.

Outside, Pokemon were running every which way, and they all look frantic. Lucario was talking to a terrified Lombre. He was wringing his hands as he spoke.

“...just terrible! Three large Pokemon are approaching the city. The north, east, and south gates...” The Pokemon trembled. Without another word, the Lombre ran off in a seemingly random direction.

“I wonder what could have spooked him so much.” Lucario pondered aloud.

“Dunno. Should we find out?” I asked.

“Might as well. The Northern gate is the closest.” Lucario pointed north, and we proceeded. Uxie and the others were nowhere nearby. They must be at the gates already.

Even in a panicked state, the citizens knew to clear the way for Sheriff Lucario when he was running. He was fast, but I could keep up. The northern gate was near identical to the eastern gate that I had arrived through originally. Past the gate was a dense forest. The city Pokemon had apparently cleared away from the gate, so it was deserted besides Lucario and I. Then I noticed Mesprit, who was floating under the gate.

Faintly, I was aware of a rather annoying sound. It was reminiscent to stone grinding away at another stone. I squinted at the dense part of the vegetation. A large humanoid creature appeared to be skating( or something like that) towards the front gate. With a burst of speed it jumped and landed in front of Mesprit.

The Pokemon was easily as tall as the gate and appeared to be made of stone. Many stones, actually. Rather than a head, it sported an angular rock of a different shade between his shoulders. That rock had a number of holes in the shape of a “H”. The dots glowed red, but flickered to yellow every so often.

“Regirock...” Mesprit growled. Instantly, she held her hands out in front of her. They glowed pink, like her head, and with a dramatic flair, she created a pink sphere between her palms. She twirled and flung the sphere at high speed towards the Regirock. The entire time, the rock golem remained expressionless. I wasn’t even sure if it could show emotion.

The sphere connected with the body of Regirock, and began to expand. Soon, Regirock was surrounded by a pink bubble. “Yes!” Mesprit cheered. Then she gasped as a large shape approached behind Regirock.

The shape was easily two to three times taller the rock humanoid. It was mostly white and it was very slow. This one was similar to Regirock in shape, but it had hands (with three fingers), and a different pattern of dots.

Mesprit shuttered. “Oh no...R-R-Regigigas!”

The Regigigas stood motionless behind Regirock. Then, it’s dots glowed orange and a similarly colored sphere appeared in front of it. The suddenly shot a burst of orange light into the city. It struck a building which exploded into flames and collapsed.

Mesprit charged green spheres between her hands and launched them at the behemoth, but appeared to do nothing.

Regigigas gathered the orange sphere together again, the light from his facial dots feeding the attack, and launched another huge beam of energy. It hurled, straight and true, at one of the largest buildings in Treasure City: the council hall!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Gotta love them cliffhangers.
Thankfully, this might very well be the last we'll see of Raichu. Maybe. Eh, who am I kidding?
Though, something to note:

And Someone pulp out the life of that Raichu. Unless that Sneasel and Raichu are dating, then it's trouble for our Pachirisu and Emolga.
The writer of this post gets to have the pride to know that they influenced the beginnings of this chapter, however slightly. That post is what actually led to having Raichu and Sneasel be a couple. Not even joking. I looked up their egg groups, seen that they were compatible, and away I went.

Definitely my best chapter, I have to say. Then again, it did go through three excellent beta readers. My thanks to you three, you know who you are!

Cometstarlight
19th December 2012, 4:31 AM
Amazing. Absolutely amazing and a great note to come back to writing on : )

The only 'mistake' if you can even call it that was this line here-



“I’ll back before you know it!” I promised, then ran out the door.



I'm sure you meant, "I'll be back before you know it!" But seriously, that's my only nitpicking spelling/grammar issue I have. The rest of the chapter had a great amount of character development and a little window of who Reshiram and Zekrom are in this story. Can't wait to see your next entry.
Speaking of which...if you could put me on the notification list for when you post new chapters, I would appreciate it

jireh the provider
19th December 2012, 6:36 AM
Oh Shane. get ready to lose your future love life! save her fast! May as well PM me too. I just like your story, especially the involvement to reshiram and zekrom.

Brutaka
19th December 2012, 2:13 PM
Amazing. Absolutely amazing and a great note to come back to writing on : )
Yeah. It wasn't a break, moreorless, I've just been busy and since I had to write two chapters of AVT to get that one kickstarted...
But Im glad you like it.


The only 'mistake' if you can even call it that was this line here-
I'm sure you meant, "I'll be back before you know it!" But seriously, that's my only nitpicking spelling/grammar issue I have. The rest of the chapter had a great amount of character development and a little window of who Reshiram and Zekrom are in this story. Can't wait to see your next entry.
Fixed. And yes, I needed to start integrating R and Z into. I was planning this bit for a little while...


Speaking of which...if you could put me on the notification list for when you post new chapters, I would appreciate it
Will do!


May as well PM me too. I just like your story, especially the involvement to reshiram and zekrom.
Sure, Ill put you on the pm list.

Brutaka
29th December 2012, 10:54 PM
Sorry for the double post guys, but I need to make a notice to my readers:

2012 is almost over. This story has been amazing and getting better everyday. I hope it keeps getting better.
But I'll get to the point. The Fan Fiction Awards are about to start. To all of my readers, even the silent ones, I encourage you to vote.
It would be self-centered to tell you to vote for me, so instead, just go and vote. We need as many of you as we can to nominate and vote. That will make these awards successful. So once the Nomination thread is made, go for it.
We as writers put out these stories for you to read, and so all we ask of you is this one thing.
Happy voting!

Meeker
9th January 2013, 12:44 AM
Not bad, not bad. I saw very few errors, and I must say, the fact that you used your readers' crazy ideas is a nice thing to do. It gives those who may have no impact on it have at least a small input to your story.


Are onboard yet?

I assume that you meant to put the word "you" in there.

I look forward to more from you man, keep up the good work!

Brutaka
9th January 2013, 3:30 AM
Not bad, not bad. I saw very few errors, and I must say, the fact that you used your readers' crazy ideas is a nice thing to do. It gives those who may have no impact on it have at least a small input to your story.
Well, of course I READ everyone's responses. And it was a cool idea, I have to admit.


I assume that you meant to put the word "you" in there.
Fixed.


I look forward to more from you man, keep up the good work!
Will do.


Also, the nominations thread is up everybody, link is in my sig. GO NOMINATE YOUR FAVORITE FICS! DO IT! DO IT NAO!

Dormant
12th February 2013, 4:26 AM
Why is it that Master Z has almost all the legendary Pokemon on his side? I mean first The Legendary Birds then the Creation trio then The two Kamis and now the Regis! I think he has a Major advantage since he has only Legendaries on his side while Reshiram only has Azelf, Uxie and Mesprit. But I guess the two main characters have to fight Master Z's army in some ways. I mean a Skitty could beat Dialga. Why couldn't they as well?

But enough about me. I like the story so far. I am excited to see the next chapter.

ME WANTS NEW CHAPTER!!

But yeah.........

So Dormant;429; signing off..

Brutaka
12th February 2013, 4:35 AM
Why is it that Master Z has almost all the legendary Pokemon on his side?
Here's a secret: He doesn't.


I mean first The Legendary Birds then the Creation trio then The two Kamis and now the Regis! I think he has a Major advantage since he has only Legendaries on his side while Reshiram only has Azelf, Uxie and Mesprit.
Teehee. Well, Z has most of the Legendaries that have shown up so far...
Oh, and he doesn't have the Creation trio. He just has Dialga.
So far, it's:
Master Z
Kyurem
Dialga
Tornados
Thundurus
Moltres
Zapdos
Articuno
Regirock
Registeel
Regice
Regigigas

and

General R
Azelf
Uxie
Mesprit


So yeah, it seems bad now, but don't worry too much about it.


But I guess the two main characters have to fight Master Z's army in some ways. I mean a Skitty could beat Dialga. Why couldn't they as well?
Thats a very good point. Though a Pachi and an Emolga wouldnt be that good against an Electric/Dragon. Just saying. Though thats no different than Skitty v Dialga, but still.


But enough about me. I like the story so far. I am excited to see the next chapter.

ME WANTS NEW CHAPTER!!
It's coming! Eventually...
But I'm glad you like it!

Brutaka
22nd March 2013, 6:35 PM
Sorry for the wait. The really, really, really long wait. But enough babble, read the chapter!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Chapter 12

Battle of Treasure City

Foggy Woods seemed like eons ago. In all actuality, it had only been a couple of days - a week at most. But time and memory are so subjective that none of that makes any difference. So many events happened between then and now. Sure, there were happy times. But there were so many more sad times. And frightening times. And times where I just wanted to go away and give up. Game over; I lose. Better luck next time. The whole misadventure made me wonder if there really wasn't some omnipotent being out there. If there was, he obviously had no care for me. Either way, I was on my own.

It's times like this - times where the only thing you rely on is about to be completely and utterly obliterated and there's nothing you can do about it - where your senses dull, time seems to slow, and you're left thinking this melodramatic babble.

I should have let her come. April was still in the building. Dear Arceus, why did I leave her? That building was about to be destroyed in a blazing energy blast. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I turned away. I couldn't watch. My fault...always my fault... A strange metallic noise sounded in the distance, but I paid no attention to it. As much as I tried to ignore everything, I was still listening for that explosion. I didn’t care for whatever that was. Raw energy coursed through my body for the third time in only a few days and it felt like I could bend the universe to my whim. It’s a shame that I could only make slightly bigger lightning bolts with it, though.

It's amazing how many thoughts you can squeeze into a few seconds.

The distant explosion that I was waiting for never came. Instead, a considerably less distant explosion burst in the middle of the forest path before me. The white light seared my eyes and I shut them quickly. I opened them again a few moments later, but all I could see was the same, frightening white. Am I dead? Did I die?

No, I hadn't died. My vision started to recover as I blinked several times. Through the remaining white dots that clouded my vision, I saw Regigigas down on one of his massive knees. He held himself up with a single arm and was eerily still. I turned to look at his target. Atop the still-intact Council Hall's roof stood a small, glowing figure that wasn't there before, though from this distance I couldn't make out who the savior was. The four-legged creature began hopping atop the city structures and was apparently heading this way.

A female voice cried out and pulled my attention back to the battle. Mesprit threw her arms out defensively as she was shoved a few feet backwards. It seemed that Regirock had broken his magenta prison. Unfortunately, my pent-up power had drained back to wherever it came from after seeing that April wasn't in immediate danger anymore. Because of that, I was absolutely no help whatsoever. As if I ever was.

Mesprit, however, was determined to make a difference. She formed green spheres in her palms as energy leaked out of her small fingertips to fuel the attack. With a sudden palm thrust outward, the quartet of Energy Balls blasted Regirock in the face. While a huge cloud of dust had emerged where they hit, the golem seemed unfazed by the seemingly powerful attack.

"W-what!? No way!" Mesprit was extremely worried now; her eyes were wide with shock. She grimaced for a moment, then set her gaze with a fiery determination. "No," she uttered in defiance. She put her palms together as her hands glowed with a bright light. As she pulled them apart, an orb of brown energy formed between her fingers. "I will not let another town be destroyed!" The sphere glowed brilliantly and grew rapidly. "Not now!" Her face grimaced with pain from the expenditure of the large amount of energy. The sphere was now larger than she was and lit up the forest more than the present noonday sun. The energy was blowing dust everywhere and roared like thunder. It hurt my sensitive ears, but I was so caught up in the moment that I didn't care. "Not ever!" She released the Focus Blast with a shove forward. It struck Regirock dead-on, and I was blasted into a nearby tree. I crumpled to the ground - hurt, but awake. I painfully lifted my head to see Mesprit bite the dust, utterly exhausted.

Regirock had different ideas. He had fallen onto a single knee, much like his master had done, but he was still conscious.

"No..." Mesprit moaned softly before blacking out.

Regigigas and Regirock both stood back up. Sheriff Lucario, who had been standing among the trees as I had, was scared stiff. It looked like he was muttering something, but I was too far away to hear it. His eyebrows turned down in determination, shook off the fear, and ran onto the path. He dragged Mesprit to the sidelines before staring down his opponents.

Lucario threw his arms out as if he were holding a staff. And then suddenly he was, as a translucent, blue, bone-like stick appeared in his grip. He charged Regirock and struck his head with the staff's right end. Keeping up the momentum, Lucario expertly beat Regirock down with a volley of furious blows. The rock golem held his ground well and slammed the ground with his fist when the Sheriff had let up the attack for a few moments. A crack snaked its way across the battlefield and fractured the ground below Lucario's feet. Yellow energy proceeded flowed through the cracks and exploded beneath him. Lucario cried in pain and collapsed.

Behind the rock golem, Regigigas charged up his orange beam again. My veins turned icy as I realized he was probably going to attack the hall again. No! Oh, please let that guy- My ramblings of thought were cut short by a prideful, male voice.

"Tsk, tsk. General R sure isn't gonna be happy about this." The four-legged creature from before stood atop the gate leading into town. As the beam from the behemoth was fired, the cream and blue colored pony deflected it with a glowing horn that sprouted from his head. Regigigas fell to his knees again as the burst hit his body. "Leaving Idealis was a bad idea."

Unwilling to lose, the master golem picked himself up and launched a huge, white sphere from his palm. The heroic horse deflected it just like he did with the beams. Regigigas bounced it back with a quick flick of his wrist. He was somehow much more agile than he was a few moments ago. The quadruped smirked and sent the sphere back again, his red mane flowing with his movements. The fight quickly escalated into an impressive game of dead man’s volley. Neither side was giving an inch, but the horse frowned when Regirock readied an attack. His eye pattern glowed white and small orange sphere formed before them. Mesprit and Lucario were still out cold, and what was I supposed to do? Luckily, I didn’t have to do anything because a blur of green rushed by Regirock. In the same instance, the orange ball dissipated as the golem fell abruptly. Standing over him was a large, green and cream, deer-like Pokemon. He raised his head proudly, as if it was only natural that’d he won so easily.

"Keldeo! How are you doing up there?" the green Pokemon asked. He had a male voice, regardless of the fact that he looked quite feminine.

"Just fine! This guy-" Keldeo paused to deflect the ball again. "Virizion! Can you - ngh - distract him? I can’t - agh - keep this up forever!"

"But of course!" Virizion smiled playfully at the behemoth. Regigigas was so busy concentrating on the his game of volleyball that he didn't notice Virizion running up to him. Or even if he did, he didn't react. The green deer’s horns which extended out of the sides of his face glowed white as he neared his target. With a graceful, passing slash, Regigigas was brought down to a single knee again. Unable to reflect the blast, the golem took the full force of his own power for a third and final time. Regigigas, king of the Regis, fell flat on his front.

I gave a sigh of relief as Keldeo jumped to ground. Virizion decided to formally greet Keldeo now that the danger was temporarily nullified. The two four-legged creatures bowed their necks to each other. Virizion lifted his head first.

"Nice battling back there. Not everyday that we get to fight another legend. And we got to take on the King of the Golems. A full blown Praetor! It was... magnificent!" Virizion spoke with flamboyance and vigor.

"It was pretty cool. Oh, hey, what’s news on Cobalion and Terrakion?" Keldeo sounded much younger than Virizion and spoke casually.

"They had a much easier time of things, actually. What with them facing only Registeel or Regice and all. In fact, Regice had already been defeated by the time we showed up!"

"What, really?"

"Yes, that Azelf is strong. Took it down himself. Not sure how." Virizion shook his head slightly. They glanced at the two golems lying motionless at the ground, then back to the city. Together, the slowly walked toward the Council Hall. "Another victory to add to the pile. I just hope it was the right thing to do."

"Hey! Of course it was!" Keldeo hopped in front of Virizion and stared at him fiercely. "These enemy Pokemon were sent by Zekrom to capture, even destroy, this huge, awesome city! We stopped them. So we must be the good guys!"

Verizion smiled at him, but even from around the tree I was standing near I could tell his mind was leagues away. "Keldeo, someday..." he began. After a brief sigh, he continued. "Someday, you’ll learn the world is never quite so... evenly divided. There's no real good guys and bad guys. We’re all just Pokemon fighting for a reason. We may fight for truth, but who's to say that we shouldn't be fighting for ideals? Or maybe we should have just stayed out of it entirely."

"But, but..." Keldeo’s gaze dropped. His brow was furrowed and his mouth was a frown. "I mean, this feels right to me. So we're okay, right?"

"Heh, I dunno kid. But if it feels right to you, then I guess it’s okay. Now come on, into the city. These two will be out for a good long while, so I wouldn’t worry about them." Virizion nodded towards the city and the two quadrupeds continued on their way.

My gaze wandered from the heroes and saw Mesprit leaning against a tree on the other side of the beaten path where Lucario left her. Her eyes were closed, but she didn’t look too bad. I stretched a bit, since I was fairly sore from being thrown into a tree, and walked over to Mesprit.

"Hey, Mesprit, you okay?" I asked, nudging her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered beneath their lids and she opened them after a short while.

"Shane? Yeah, I think so. Where did - Oh." She looked at Regirock, then to Regigigas. "What happened to them?"

"Two Pokemon - Keldeo and Virizion, I think they were called - helped out. They beat him. Virizion took out Regirock in one blow and then helped Keldeo beat the bigger one. Lucario tried to beat Regirock after you fell, but he didn't do much," I explained and finished with a gesture towards the unconscious Sheriff in the middle of the path.

"Oh! I hope he's okay. We'll have to send someone out here." Her demeanor changed to one of frustration. "I still can’t believe I couldn’t even scratch the thing! How could I be so weak!?" She still had the energy to express herself thoroughly, it seemed.

"Hey, you didn’t seem weak to me! Your last attack sent me flying and I wasn’t even your target!"

"Yeah. Oh, and sorry about that. Still didn’t do a thing to that hunk of rock though." She pounded her small fist against the ground in frustration.

"Don’t feel bad. I didn’t do anything either!"

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"Sorry." I scratched an area under my right cheek pouch awkwardly.

"At least they're down now. Well..." Mesprit paused, grunted, and managed to levitate herself into the air. "Grr, let’s go. We should meet up with my brothers." I noticed she was having a tough time of just floating around, but she was determined to hold herself up.

"Are you sure you’re fine?"

"Yes!" Mesprit said defensively. "I’m just tired. They didn’t even attack me."

I frowned but decided that I couldn’t help her anymore than I’ve already tried. I walked slowly to make sure I didn’t leave her behind (I was sore anyways). We were just outside the gates of the city, so we didn’t have very far to go.

There was a large commotion in front of the Council Hall when we arrived. Standing before them were Azelf and Uxie who attempting to calm the crowd down. Virizion and Keldeo stood behind them. There were also three figures I didn't recognize. One was a blue and gray, goat-like Pokemon with pointed, yellow horns. He looked aged and wise. The one next to him was shorter and looked like a bull with brown horns pointing down with the angle of his face. He smirked confidently. The last stranger was floating behind him. The small, pink, cat-like Pokemon was apparently bored and had decided to keep itself busy by creating small, magenta-colored bubbles on its fingers and then playfully popping them.

The crowd was mostly upset because Regigigas had knocked over that tall building earlier. Not only did this destroy many Pokemon's homes, but it also injured many citizens. No one was killed, thankfully. Azelf assured that the town was going to fine and that General R had agreed to cover the costs to have the tower and houses rebuilt. After much urging, the mob dispersed and the citizens mostly went on with their lives.

I followed Mesprit over to the elders and the other Pokemon I didn't know. Uxie looked tired but healthy. "Are you okay, Mesprit?" Uxie asked as he floated over to help her.

"I'm fine. Just tired. I put all my energy into fighting those golems. Didn't work though. They beat me." She whispered the last bit, ashamed of her defeat.

"So I heard. Good thing we joined Verum, huh?" Azelf said smugly and nudged Uxie with his elbow.

Uxie made an exasperated sigh. "Yes, yes. Honestly, you are such a child."

"You're one to talk, Mr. I-scare-innocent-citizens-to-get-payback-for-taunting-me." Azelf teased in rebuttal.

Uxie paled. "You know about that?"

"Yes, I know about that. Impressive rendition of the Renegade though."

"Who told you I used Giratina's illusion?"

Azelf chuckled. "You just did! For someone who knows everything, you sure are gullible."

"Would you two stop it!" Mesprit floated between them and pushed them apart. "Not with The Swords of Justice watching!"

"Oh yeah, they're still here," Azelf muttered and turned to face the Swords. Mesprit rolled her eyes and took her place next to him.

Uxie shrugged and addressed their saviors. "Thank you for your assistance on such short notice. It was remarkable that you got here so fast."

The blue goat spoke first. "You are welcome. We are always happy to help. As for how we responded so quickly..." He gave a small nod towards the pink cat floating behind them. "Colonel Mew was able to help with that. Her teleportation powers are proving to be quite useful."

The cat inattentively waved the formal compliment away with her paw. "Just doing my job, General." She went back to haphazardly manipulating a small bubble with psychic powers. It raced around her body and she smiled as it passed by her vision. Squinting, she aimed for the energy sphere and popped it with a quick swipe of her claws.

"Yes, well, we are all grateful nonetheless." Cobalion paused as if he remembered something. "Oh, yes, didn't you have something Keldeo needed to know?"

Mew went blank for a moment. Then she must of realized what she had forgotten and all her bubbles popped simultaneously. "Oh yeah! That’s what I came back for, duh." She cleared her throat. In her most professional voice, she announced, "Lieutenant Colonel Keldeo, General of the Army Reshiram has decided to recognize your rapidly growing skill and talent. Your actions here today benefit all of Verum, no, all of Telmani. It is for this reason that he has decided to promote you. Congratulations, Colonel Keldeo!"

As the rest of the Swords of Justice cheered, I suddenly realized that I was still standing here listening to their entire conversation. It was a little rude and out of line, but all this talk of Verum and Colonels and things had aroused my curiosity. I silently excused myself and ran into the Council Hall to do what I should have done originally: find April.

The copper-furred Emolga was still sitting where I left her, drumming her fingers against the table. April raised her head when she noticed me.

"Oh, you’re back. I was-" April was cut off when I suddenly hugged her very tightly. "Ugh! This is nice and all, but I'm still bruised and in pain here!"

I released her and muttered, "Sorry."

"Did something happen out there? Did I miss a good fight?"

I recounted the exciting tale that took place mere minutes ago, conveniently leaving out the bit about how my entire reality seemed to break apart when the Hall (more specifically, April) was threatened.

"They knocked out Mesprit? Wow. And if it wasn't for Keldeo... I might not be here. See! This is why I should have gone with you!" April pounded her small fist on the table. "I always miss out on everything!"

"As if going in your condition would have been any better. The backlash from Mesprit's last attack would have knocked you out."

"Nu-uh! You survived it, so why wouldn't I?" She crossed her arms and stared angrily at me. Despite myself, I found the pose quite cute. Dang it, not this again.

I sighed. "Look, you were injured and I didn't want anything to happen to you. I don't entirely know how this power burst works yet, and I was afraid that-"

"That, what? That you couldn't protect me? I can protect myself! I'm not some defenseless artifact that needs saving all the time. I was actually born a Pokemon, unlike you." April jumped off her chair with a huff. She walked outside and I hurried after her. She continued talking, knowing I would follow her. "And you know, that's still something I'm having a hard time believing. I know I said I believed you earlier, but I was only saying that to..." She looked conflicted, as if she didn't know whether to continue or not.

Matching her pace, I calmly replied, "To not offend me? Why? I don't think I'd be offended. I mean, if I were anyone else, I wouldn't believe me either."

"Because I like you, okay? You already know that. But honestly, a human waking up as a Pokemon? It sounds a little crazy." She rounded a sharp corner and hurried down another street.

"It's happened before. Uxie and Lucario said it's happened twice. And where are we going anyways?"

"Yeah, but that was over a hundred years ago. We have statues dedicated to those heroes! They're really nice, actually. But I'm sorry to say, you don't fit the bill."

"What do you mean? I can be impressive. As impressive as an foot-tall squirrel can be anyways."

"So, basically, not at all." From her calmer expression, I could tell that her temper was beginning to diffuse. Despite the fact that she ignored my question about our destination, I now knew where we were going.

As I followed April through the front doors of the Treasure Hotel, I asked, "What's with all anger, anyways? What did I do?"

She was about to answer when Gothitelle interrupted her. "Excuse me, Miss?"

April blinked. "Yes?"

"You only paid for a single night, so you will have to pay again for another night. The room doesn't expire for another few hours, but I thought you should know." The receptionist gave a curt nod and a generic smile.

"Ugh." April pulled out her small purse from under her wing and searched through the coins. "Shoot. I don't have enough money, Sparky."

"What are we supposed to do now?"

"Normally, I'd suggest that we go do a salvage job. But we're too tired to do that. Maybe we could ask Uxie?" She put her purse back under her wing.

"It's worth a shot, I guess. We did find that thing for him, so maybe he'll help us out." I shrugged.

~~~~~~

After making the trek all the way back to the Council Hall, the sky was starting to darken. Keldeo and his buddies were gone, presumably to fight for justice elsewhere. Pawniard were now stationed at the Hall doors, but they simply nodded as we approached the building. The three pixies were making casual conversation as we walked in. Uxie noticed us immediately.

"Oh, Shane and April. I'm glad you showed up again."

"You are?" I asked.

"Well, I'm always glad to see you, but yes. I need to thank you more appropriately for retrieving my item for me. And since we're friends, I'll give you each a favor."

"I didn't think Legendary Pokemon could hand out wishes like a genie," April said with a small giggle.

Azelf frowned. "We don't. Uxie is being nice."

Uxie scratched his chin. "They aren't wishes. Just if you ever need anything, then let me know. We may be small, but we can do a lot."

"'We'? What's this 'we' you speak of? They didn't help me." Azelf crossed his arms leaned back in his chair.

Mesprit sighed. "I can help you, if you want."

"Thank you, Mesprit, for not being a jerk." Uxie directed that last bit at Azelf, who threw his arms out as if to say 'What? I didn't do anything'. The golden-haired sprite, annoyed with his brother, looked back at us. "So. What did you two come in here for?"

"Actually, we were planning on asking for some help anyways."

"Alright, tell me what you need, Shane."

"Well, the fire that burned down Salvage Springs also ruined most of our, er, April's money and the stuff she had in the storage too. So now we can't afford the hotel room we were staying at anymore. We were kinda hoping that you had somewhere for us to stay while we get back on our feet."

"Oh my. You know, I actually have a spare room out back if you want. You'd be sharing the house with me, though."

"Well, if you're sure that we won’t be a bother, then that'd be fine."

"It's no trouble, really. So I suppose that's settled." Uxie paused for a moment. "April, do have a favor you'd like to ask of me?"

The Emolga, who had been silent for most of this time, responded, "Well, I kinda do. But I don't know if Sparky here will be okay with."

"Just say it. I don't think I'll mind," I said reassuringly.

"Well, okay. See, for the past few days, Sparky and I have been arguing on and off. I think it's because we don't quite... get each other, you know? There's something we're both hiding from each other, but neither of us want to say it out loud. Since you three are the embodiment for spirit, I figure you could help. Do you think you could help us understand each other better?"

I swallowed. "I didn't realize there was a problem... Why didn’t you say anything?"

“I didn’t want to say it out loud. But I gave you plenty of hints. That’s what all the fights were about. See what I mean? We’re never on the same page.”

Uxie thought for a moment. "Well, from experience, I found that the best way to get through this is with talking. But that's boring and will end up with a lot of awkward sentences and half-truths. So I take it that you don't want a simply therapy session, do you?"

April shook her head. I wonder where this is going. It doesn't sound very good... I thought.

"In that case, I have an idea." He looked at his sister. "Hey, Mesprit! Care to come over here? I need you for something." Once Mesprit floated her way across the room, Uxie addressed April again. "So what I'm planning on doing is taking both of your spirits and let them, um, mingle, I guess you could say. It'll only be for a few moments, but it will get across most of your defining memories and ideals."

That sounds horrifying! My thoughts must of made it onto my face because Uxie gave a chuckle. "It's really not that bad. It will feel like a dream, albeit it a vivid one. It won’t hurt a bit either. Besides, we know what we're doing. This our element. The chances of any negative side-effects are very slim."

"Why does that not comfort me?" I muttered.

April grabbed paw and whispered, "I think we should do it."

"Why? Is it really that important?" As I finished my question, I looked at April directly in the eyes. That was a mistake. There was no point refusing anything after seeing the sadness mixed with hope swirling in her gray-brown eyes. After a sigh of resignation, I turned to Uxie. "Alright, alright, I'll do it."

He laughed. "Okay then. Here, sit down. We'll have to put you to sleep first."

We both took our seats and I felt cold with the kind of irrational fear you get when waiting for your doctor appointment. Doctor appointment? Oh, whatever.

Mesprit floated in front of us and clear her throat. "If I could get you two to look me directly in the eye, that'd be great.” We obliged and suddenly her iris's turned florescent blue. I tried to maintain eye contact, but it was becoming harder and harder to keep my eyelids open. The last thought I had before succumbing to the sleep was, I should have asked if they’ve done this before. At first, it was completely black.

Then the dreams started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Again, sorry for the wait. It was hard to get it past the halfway point, but thanks to some random line of motivation, I managed to keep going.

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of TTL! Ch 13, To Understand Another is on it’s way!

JFought
23rd March 2013, 3:09 PM
New reader! *thumbs up*

Interesting story. I like how the rivalry in between Reshiram and Zekrom is shown more deeply. Not even their rivalry in the games, anime, and manga combined could amount to the level of intensity in between the two shown here. Not to mention that Shane's powers are very interesting. I think I know where they came from, as it is semi-obvious, but I'm not gonna say.

When it comes to grammer, early on I can still find mistakes. Chapter 12 was the only chapter so far that didn't have a too noticible mistake in it. You also greatly improved on battle scenes as you went on. So far, Chapter 12 is the best since grammer was near perfect (as far as I could see at first glance) and the battle scene felt real smooth.

Long story short, I like this fan-fic and am excited to see more.

Brutaka
23rd March 2013, 4:35 PM
New reader! *thumbs up*
Awesome! Hi!


Not to mention that Shane's powers are very interesting. I think I know where they came from, as it is semi-obvious, but I'm not gonna say.
Do you now? That's cool, reader theories are cool. d(^_^d)


When it comes to grammer, early on I can still find mistakes. Chapter 12 was the only chapter so far that didn't have a too noticible mistake in it. You also greatly improved on battle scenes as you went on. So far, Chapter 12 is the best since grammer was near perfect (as far as I could see at first glance) and the battle scene felt real smooth.
Oh yeah. I didn't get beta readers until Chapter... 10 I think. Anything before that wasn't that great either. It makes me uncomfortable every time I think about it, but Im not going to go back and fixing it until I finish fixing The Gift and AVT.
Chapter 12 had the most scrutiny by my own eyes, as I was staring at the half-finished doc whenever I wanted inspiration. So the first half was rewrittten many times until I liked it. It also had three Beta Readers, one of which is a new beta reader for me.


Long story short, I like this fan-fic and am excited to see more.
Thanks! In that case, would you like to go on the PM list?

JFought
23rd March 2013, 6:35 PM
Thanks! In that case, would you like to go on the PM list?

Sure, why not. I don't mind.

jireh the provider
24th March 2013, 2:24 PM
Whew. Its been a really long while since I've been reading here. I mean, I only got like 10% of the next chapter, of my main story on my banner, finished no thanks to Adobe Photoshop projects and more ... ugh ... Calculus. I hate that latter subject. Anyways:



"In that case, I have an idea." He looked at his sister. "Hey, Mesprit! Care to come over here? I need you for something." Once Mesprit floated her way across the room, Uxie addressed April again. "So what I'm planning on doing is taking both of your spirits and let them, um, mingle, I guess you could say. It'll only be for a few moments, but it will get across most of your defining memories and ideals."

That sounds horrifying! My thoughts must of made it onto my face because Uxie gave a chuckle. "It's really not that bad. It will feel like a dream, albeit it a vivid one. It won’t hurt a bit either. Besides, we know what we're doing. This our element. The chances of any negative side-effects are very slim."

"Why does that not comfort me?" I muttered.

April grabbed paw and whispered, "I think we should do it."

"Why? Is it really that important?" As I finished my question, I looked at April directly in the eyes. That was a mistake. There was no point refusing anything after seeing the sadness mixed with hope swirling in her gray-brown eyes. After a sigh of resignation, I turned to Uxie. "Alright, alright, I'll do it."

You know the fun thing about the PMD series? It's in fact that you can actually make the hero/ine and the partner a couple. The way Uxie triggered Sparky's attention and panic. For one, I think the relationship between the two electric mice after the treatment will become ... complicated. This is why I actually like the PMD series since I can imagine both protagonists getting married in the end. Doesn't it feel like this series has a "The Sims" like theme in a small degree?

I mean ... ask yourself every now and then, why did the protagonists of the series never wanted to return to their human lives? It's because they love their partner the most, the one who helped you the most. From acquaintanceship, to friendship, to best friends, and at last, to an official couple.

Brutaka
24th March 2013, 6:55 PM
You know the fun thing about the PMD series? It's in fact that you can actually make the hero/ine and the partner a couple.
Well, of course you could. But you could do that with any video game ever, because fan fiction sorta stretches the story to fit your needs.


The way Uxie triggered Sparky's attention and panic. For one, I think the relationship between the two electric mice after the treatment will become ... complicated.
Well, they're squirrels, actually. Not mice. And yes, there will be some interesting implications of what theyre about to do.
Although Shane is only worried in the way people are worried before, say surgery. He's worried that it's too risky or unnecessary.


This is why I actually like the PMD series since I can imagine both protagonists getting married in the end.
While I dont believe Pokemon have an official marriage system besides announcing that they are each other's "mates", I could easily see this being the case. Especially in PMD2, if not PMD1.


I mean ... ask yourself every now and then, why did the protagonists of the series never wanted to return to their human lives? It's because they love their partner the most, the one who helped you the most. From acquaintanceship, to friendship, to best friends, and at last, to an official couple.
Well, keep in mind that it's only in PMD1 that the player character actually chooses to stay. He begins to return, but on the journey back he wills himself back to the PMD world.

In PMD2, your hero character dies. More or less, anyways, as you are completely wiped from existence as the world that you came from is erased. Dialga brought you back when your partner still kept the great sadness over a few months. He owed you a favor anyways.
When you're brought back, you are brought back as a Pokemon, because thats form your partner wants. Not only that, but with the dark future never have existing, there'd be no world for him to return as a human anyways.

Often times, I imagine PMD fics would often allow their main characters the choice to stay or go, and I'd assume that they'd always choose to stay.
Shane will be offered that choice, but because of a lot of stuff that happens later, either choice would seem rational to us. So I guess you'll have to wait and see for that one.
I'm actually waiting for a fic one day that actually has the main character return home. I'm actually looking at Knightfall right now, as Leo has been through so much crud and surely will continue to be thrown in more crud that I wouldnt blame him for leaving.

jireh the provider
27th March 2013, 10:00 AM
Well, of course you could. But you could do that with any video game ever, because fan fiction sorta stretches the story to fit your needs.


Well, they're squirrels, actually. Not mice. And yes, there will be some interesting implications of what theyre about to do.
Although Shane is only worried in the way people are worried before, say surgery. He's worried that it's too risky or unnecessary.


While I dont believe Pokemon have an official marriage system besides announcing that they are each other's "mates", I could easily see this being the case. Especially in PMD2, if not PMD1.


Well, keep in mind that it's only in PMD1 that the player character actually chooses to stay. He begins to return, but on the journey back he wills himself back to the PMD world.

In PMD2, your hero character dies. More or less, anyways, as you are completely wiped from existence as the world that you came from is erased. Dialga brought you back when your partner still kept the great sadness over a few months. He owed you a favor anyways.
When you're brought back, you are brought back as a Pokemon, because thats form your partner wants. Not only that, but with the dark future never have existing, there'd be no world for him to return as a human anyways.

Often times, I imagine PMD fics would often allow their main characters the choice to stay or go, and I'd assume that they'd always choose to stay.
Shane will be offered that choice, but because of a lot of stuff that happens later, either choice would seem rational to us. So I guess you'll have to wait and see for that one.
I'm actually waiting for a fic one day that actually has the main character return home. I'm actually looking at Knightfall right now, as Leo has been through so much crud and surely will continue to be thrown in more crud that I wouldnt blame him for leaving.

Well, I DID read one PMD fanfic where the Heroine returns to a human. It also fits given the right conditions to the planned plot. A good ending one perhaps. For me, on my own understanding, if the protagonit ever wanted to become a human, it has to be very rational. It would normally have a conflict between its human mind and pokemon instincts

By the way, I bet you're aware of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Gates to Infinity's release. I will be buying that and a 3ds when I got the savings for it.

Yes, time has been crud for me for the past 3 to 5 weeks too. I couldn't do fast progress in my works too like you guys. but now, I got a 4 day vacation thanks to the Lenten Season.

Brutaka
26th June 2013, 4:02 AM
Guess what!? Is it Chapter 13, you ask? No, sadly. ;_;

Instead, I have an announcement! It's TTL's 1 year anniversary!

Yay!

Coincidentally, I'm rewriting TTL! And on this day, 1 year from when it was originally posted, I am posting the new Prologue! I'll be editing it into the first post so please, go and read it! It is drastically different than the original. In fact, most of the chapters following will be changed dramatically, so reading them is highly advisable.

I'll also be sending a PM out to everyone on the PM List each time a chapter is rewritten.

So away we go!