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Codeepfly
29th June 2012, 9:26 PM
Hello everyone and welcome to my story Blood Type P. I've been knocking this around in my head for about two years and finally found the courage to try and write it. I am rating this pg-14. So be cautious its not all cute and humour for this story. Please comment on it if you like it and what I can improve on, I always appreciate it. Hopefully if this turns out well I will continue to post chapters.


Blood Type P
Prologue As the title states this story revolves around a specific blood type. This is no ordinary blood type. It is a rare find that comes around once every generation. Some say it’s a gift from the gods, others would say that it’s a medical phenomenon. No one knows for sure how it comes into being but it has always left an impact on society.

The reason it’s so famous is what the bloods capabilities are. One who possesses this blood type is of extreme pure health and longevity. They can run farther and hit harder than the average person, and never seem to become ill to any disease or sickness. As well as they can heal quite rapidly. A person of this blood type can live well past 110 years and seem to carry the age of 65 by that time. Yet this bloods true potential comes from its effect on others.

It’s universal to any individual for donation, as well as it can reach out to any Pokémon. Hence the proper blood type name of “P”. Not only is this truly phenomenal but this blood has nearly god like healing capabilities. It’s what one could call a medicine for any problem. It’s been used to successfully wipe out known diseases such as the swine flu and now is being used to cure cancer. In which the results have been quite successful.

With all of its powers though, blood type P can also be considered a curse. Since it seems to only come around once every 100 years, society nearly attacks and destroys the individual that possesses it. Everyone wants to be cured and live happy lives and that just what this blood can offer. Yet, people become animals and want it all for themselves. Wars have been waged over who can even claim the blood. Many have died just trying to obtain it. It does not last long though. With the last two generations of blood type P owners, they sadly did not live past 50 years of age Oddly enough though the blood is very fragile and will not last long when it’s left its host. After a mere twelve hours the blood transforms into another blood type that is useless. Society destroys the person physically and mentally. The price for such a fine gift comes at a great cost for the owner.

Fifteen years ago, the next host of blood type P was born to Alex and Christina Coverly. Two petty thieves that were just lucky enough to catch a break. The baby boy was named Trenton. This couple was able to converge a deal with the medical corporation owning the hospital where the birth took place. The deal they made provided them with money to ensure the corporation would have free will to test and take as many blood samples as possible.

The Coverly’s became a world sensation and were approached by many people such as the corporation to make deals and ask for favors. They became rich as kings in a matter of a week. Although the demand for the blood was too high and was overwhelming the young couple. They requested that they could be escorted away and live in extreme privacy. Their request was answered and they were moved to the deepest recess of the Hoenn regions forest to live. They took on the mansion of a retired professor and remodeled it to fit the needs of a medical operation. Since they forced society away they would have to carry on medical work and science within the home.The story now proceeds too Trenton’s childhood beginning at the age of 12.

Ninja Bulbasaur
29th June 2012, 11:35 PM
Hello everyone and welcome to my story Blood Type P. I've been knocking this around in my head for about two years and finally found the courage to try and write it. I am rating this pg-14. So be cautious its not all cute and humour for this story. Please comment on it if you like it and what I can improve on, I always appreciate it. Hopefully if this turns out well I will continue to post chapters.


Blood Type P
Prologue As the title states this story revolves around a specific blood type. This is no ordinary blood type. It is a rare find that comes around once every generation. Some say it’s a gift from the gods, others would say that it’s a medical phenomenon. No one knows for sure how it comes into being but it has always left an impact on society.

The reason it’s so famous is what the bloods capabilities are. One who possesses this blood type is of extreme pure health and longevity. They can run farther and hit harder than the average person,and They never seem to become ill to any disease or sickness , as well as they can heal recover from either quite rapidly. A person of this blood type can live well past 110 years, and seem to carry the age of 65 by that time. Yet this bloods true potential comes from its effect on others.

It’s universal to any individual for donation;as well as it can reach out to any Pokémon, hence the proper blood type name of “P”. Not only is this truly phenomenal, but this blood has nearly god-like healing capabilities. It’s what one could call a medicine for any problem disease or illness. It’s been used to successfully wipe out known diseases such as the swine flu, and now is being used to cure cancer. This has been quite sucessful. In which the results have been quite successful.

With all of its powers though, blood type P can also be considered a curse. Since it seems to only come around once every 100 years, society nearly attacks and destroys the individual that possesses it. Everyone wants to be cured and live happy lives, and that just what this blood can offer. Yet, people become animals and want it all for themselves. Wars have been waged over who can even claim the blood, and many have died just trying to obtain it. It does not doesn't last long though; With the last two generations of blood type P owners, they sadly did not live past 50 years of age. Oddly enough though, the blood is very fragile and will not won't last long when its has it’s left its host. After a mere twelve hours, the blood transforms into another blood type, deeming it useless that is useless. Society destroys the person physically and mentally; The price for such a fine gift comes at a great cost for the owner.

Fifteen years ago, the next host of blood type P was born to a married couple named Alex and Christina Coverly; Two petty thieves that were just lucky enough to catch a break. -The baby boy was named Trenton -maybe you should place this sentence somewhere else?). This couple was able to converge a deal with the medical corporation, which owneding the hospital where the birth took place. The deal they made provided them with money to ensure the corporation would have free will to test and take as many blood samples as possible.

The Coverly’s became a world sensation, and were approached by many people, such as the corporation, to make deals and ask for favors. They became as rich as kings in a matter of a week. Although the demand for the blood was too high and was overwhelming the young couple, they requested that they could be escorted away from cities and crowds, and live in extreme privacy. Their request was answered, and they were moved to the deepest recess parts of the Hoenn region's forest to live. They took on the mansion of a retired professor, and remodeled it to fit the needs of a medical operation. Since they forced society away, they would have to carry on medical work and science within the home.The story now proceeds too Trenton’s childhood beginning at the age of 12.

Corrections are in bold.

I like the strength of the chapter but you missed a lot of commas and started sentence fragements. Are you using Microsoft Word to spellcheck it? I always type up my stories on those. And it's more of an introduction than a prologue. You should probably change it to that instead.

Krazy95
30th June 2012, 12:23 AM
Ninja Bulbasaur:

If you are saying changes are in bold, you may want to place comments such as "I'm feeling sorry for Trenton already" and "that stinks" outside of the box - they can be interpreted as changes to be made if that is what you state them to be.


Codeepfly:

I have some questions - firstly, this is in the Fan-Fiction section of the Forum - is this a fiction based around Pokemon? If not, this needs to go into the Non-Pokemon fic area of Serebii.

Secondly, with grammar, you need to line it up in one of two ways - either won't, it's, can't, don't, and so on, OR do not, will not, can not, does not.

As Ninja Bulbasaur mentioned - you need to sort out grammar and correct placement of full stops, commas and other types of grammar.

You could try to expand on the details - the parents being petty thieves with a lucky break - what happened? Why did they become thieves? Or Blood Type P itself - what makes it appear? What in it causes these god-like healing effects?

Finally - you need to ensure each post is at least two pages long on a Word Processing document such as Microsoft Word or OpenOffice.

It seems interesting, just lacks depth and quantity - good luck with this.

Codeepfly
30th June 2012, 3:22 AM
Thankyou I appreciate the feed back. Its still going to be a pokemon fan fiction but for how I want to have it set up will take a chapter or two to get into it. Secondly I only had one page because I thought I could only have a page for a prologue. That sounds stupid for me to think that way but I did. I'm honestly not a master at grammar but I will try to improve. Thank you again and this will help me out a lot.