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View Full Version : Once More for Glory (PG-14)



SoulMuse
30th June 2012, 2:28 AM
A warning: This One-Shot, and possible future ones, will contain some profanity, and possible voilence.

With that out of the way, in my spare time, I often write random scenes about various things. I figures that I could instead just use these scenes for writing One-Shot fanfiction and well, here I am. Each One-Shot will just be a random snapshot of something in the life of a Trainer named Ian Blackwood.

Once More for Glory

A.N. This story was inspired by a battle I had on Pokemon Online.

I stared across the field at my opponent, trying to keep the cocky smirk off my face. By all rights I was expecting to sweep this guy under the table and move on with my day. This battle was all that stood between me and the semifinals of the League Tournament, and I was eager to get it under way. I had more glorious things to do than stomp on this guy.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the final match of the Quarterfinals of the Unova League Tournament!” The announcer’s voice boomed out over the arena. I paid him no mind, instead going over my team in my head, plotting an effective strategy. “In the red corner we have Ian Blackwood who is here from Twinleaf Town of Sinnoh, and in the green corner, we have Marley from Striation City here in Unova!” With that the referee stepped out onto the field, and the big screen flipped back and forth between red and green to determine who would send out a Pokémon first.

“And Ian will choose his Pokémon first!” The announcer boomed, seconds before the ref looked at me.

I smirked, unclipping a Pokéball from my belt. “Alright then: Tyranitar!” I called out the massive Pokémon, who landed and roared threateningly, before settling his armored bulk into a comfortable stance. Not a second later a film of sand began to form in the air as Tyrantitar’s Sand Stream kicked in. Marley didn’t even flinch, instead, hurling his own Pokéball.

“Let do this! Breloom!” He called out. A flash of white revealed a Pokémon I personally felt looked like a crossbreed of a monkey and a mushroom. I frowned, Breloom could tear right threw Tyranitar as though the massive Pokémon was paper.

“And Ian goes for his now signature strategy, sending out his mighty Tyranitar, while Marley counters with his Breloom!” The announcer began to perform his regular function.

“Tyranitar, get back here!” I barked out, opting to recall the massive Pokémon. While I disliked handing the momentum of the battle to my opponent, leaving Tyranitar on the field was asking for a quick defeat. I pulled a second Pokéball off of my belt. “Stand for battle, Alakazam!” With a snarl, the strange wizard like Pokémon took the field, replacing Tyranitar’s bulk with his much slimmer frame.

“Breloom, Force Palm!” Marley called out. I hardly blinked before Breloom was in Alakazam’s face, and delivered what amounted to a glorified *****slap to the Psychic Pokémon. Alakazam stumbled back, cringing in pain. Thinking fast, I realized that despite the type advantage my Pokémon wouldn’t last long.

“Hidden Power! Follow that up with a Psychic!” I ordered, and Alakazam grunted in acknowledgement.

“Dodge the Hidden Power, and then hit it hard with another Force Palm!” Marley called out. Breloom stepped back, preparing to dodge.

With visible effort, Alakazam created a number of strange looking, slightly translucent red orbs, which floated in the air for a moment, before leaping for Breloom. Nimbly the Grass type hopped, ducked, and wove around the barrage, and when the orbs continued they hit the ground in small explosions of flames. Successfully avoiding the attack, Breloom closed in to finish Alakazam off. The creature’s small palm drew back, and the Psychic Pokémon raised his spoon, concentrating hard. I could see the stress causing sweat to form on Alakazam’s brow, as Breloom’s hand drew closer and closer. Mere milliseconds before the attack would have hit, Breloom was thrown into the air, tumbling he over heels to land next to Marley. Seemingly exhausted, Alakazam sank to its knees, panting, and I could tell the attack hadn’t damaged the Breloom at all.

“Damn it…” I mumbled. While not knocked out, the powerful Psychic type might as well have been. He was in no shape to fight, and was now effectively dead weight for my entire team. I could see the Sandstorm had hurt Marley’s Breloom, although not enough to even come close to evening the odds.

“And in the opening exchange of the battle, Marley’s Breloom lands a powerful hit on Ian’s Alakazam, which seems to be on its last legs!” The announcer called out.

“Congrats for that observation.” I mumbled at the announcer’s remark. “Alakazam, one more Hidden Power!” I snapped. Straining, the Pokémon raised his spoon, and strained to summon up the strange translucent orbs. Marley smirked at me across the field.

“Breloom, return.” He ordered calmly. In a flash of red light, the strange monkey mushroom Pokémon vanished, and Marley tossed up a new Pokéball. “Chansey, let’s go!” The egg shaped Pokémon, which often served as a nurse, landed smiling at Alakazam who hurled the Hidden Power at it.

“No! Focus Blast!” I shouted knowing that Marley’s Pokémon would take pitiful damage from Hidden Power. My shout came to late however, when Alakazam launched four orbs, which constituted a quarter his typical Hidden Power. The orbs hit Chansey square on, but the little Pokémon hardly seemed to have been damaged. I had not choice but switch Alakazam out now, in his weakened state, the Psychic was in no state to damage Chansey. Sighing I pulled out a Pokéball, and in a beam of red, recalled Alakazam. “Good job…Excadrill, show this egg how we do things!” I snapped.

The steel headed mole Pokémon appeared with a cry, raising his arms, and flexing his claws menacingly, amidst roars from the crowd. Marley simply looked on impassively.

“And now Ian’s Excadrill makes an entrance! After wisely choosing to withdraw his weakened Alakazam, can Ian use his powerful Pokémon to even the odds?” The announcer was nearly giddy with anticipation. “And I remind our fans that this Excadrill’s ability, Sand Rush makes him much fast when Sandstorm is in affect, as it is right now!” The mole Pokémon snarled looking at me for orders in response to that speech.

“Give away my secrets why don’t you…” I grumbled. “Still, Excadrill, start this off with a bang, Earthquake!” I announced. “But first, Swords Dance!” The mole nodded, and prepared to execute Swords Dance when I suddenly noticed Marley’s Chansey was closing in. “Scratch that, Earthquake!” I barked. The change surprised my Pokémon, and Excadrill hesitated for a few seconds to long.

“Chansey Seismic Toss!” Marley’s command echoed in my ears. “Let him Earthquake and then Counter!”

My eyes widened in horror, Excadrill’s Earthquake stood some chance of knocking Chansey right out of the game, but if it didn’t my trusty mole was toast. This guy was certainly thinking ahead of me, something I had to change.

With a cheerful cry that didn’t suit the battle at all, Chansey jumped up into the air, performed a flip and landed squarely atop Excadrill delivering a devastating blow to the mole, who stumbled in surprise. The Pokémon then hopped back, and smiled.

“Chansey!” It exclaimed, and then winced from the Sandstorm’s residential damage. With a titanic roar of rage, Excadrill stepped back, and prepared to unleash Earthquake.

“****….Excadrill stop!” I shouted, if my Pokémon heard me, it gave no sign, instead opting to begin stomping the ground with incredible force, sending shock waves across the battlefield. I stumbled, and lost sight of the combat for an instant.

“Chansey!” I heard rather than saw the blow that Counter dealt, and the crowd drew a collective breath. I looked up in time to see Excadrill stumble back in pain, before toppling forwards, unconscious. The ref raised a hand.

“Excadrill is unable to battle.” I narrowed my eyes, unable to believe that one of my strongest had just gone down so quickly. I had to regain control of this battle, and quickly.

“Well, I don’t think anyone was expecting that one folks.” The announcer remarked. “Ian’s Excadrill, which had seen copious use this entire Tournament, and wracked up numerous victories, has just been eliminated without a second thought!”

I removed Excadrill’s Pokéball, and recalled the fallen mole, before unclipping the first Pokéball from my belt once again. “Tyranitar, Superpower!” I snarled, calling out the massive Pokémon, who landed, and promptly began to glow blue, while running towards Chansey, a violent snarl on his lips. The armored behemoth’s eyes smoldered with rage, all of which was focused on the pink blob before me.

“Chansey Softboiled to take the hit, and then Counter again!” Marley called out, although I though I heard panic in his voice.

“Far too late to try that.” I mumbled scornfully. With an earth shaking roar, Tyranitar brought his armored right arm back, and punched Chansey squarely in the face, sending the egg shaped Pokémon flying, before it landed with a crash in front of its startled trainer. A moment passed, but the Chansey didn’t move. Tyranitar looked smugly at the fallen form, seeming quite proud of the attack.

“Chansey is unable to battle!” The ref called out. While Marley was recalling his Pokémon, the announcer continued speaking.

“And in a single blow, Ian’s mighty Tyranitar evens the odds of the battle!” I said nothing as Marley called out his Pokémon.

“Breloom, finish this lug!” He barked. The mushroom Pokémon appeared, and I frowned deeply.

Logically, Tyranitar could stay in, and battle using Fire Blast, or Fire Fang, although I had little doubt that he would be defeated in the process. However, I wasn’t sure what else this guy had, and because of that, I wasn’t willing to let the mighty titan like Pokémon go down just yet.

“Genesect, stand for battle.” I didn’t even acknowledge my withdrawal of Tyranitar, instead, simply calling out my replacement while removing the other Pokémon from the field. In a flash of white light, Genesect took the field. I had no good way of describing the Pokémon, which looked like a metallic bug, with a huge cannon over its shoulder.

“Breloom, Spore!” Marley called out. Even as Genesect appeared, the metallic bug’s head dropped into sleep. I hadn’t even seen the attack happen, which was going to be a problem. The smirk on Marley’s face was palpable without even looking his direction..

“Damn it all.” I growled. Now, not only was my most powerful Pokémon down for the count, but my second best was incapacitated. With Tyranitar unable to fight Breloom, I was beginning to think this battle might be over soon.

“Breloom, Good. Let’s go, Nidoking!” Marley called out. Earthquake was likely to be coming Genesect’s way, and I couldn’t allow that. “Use an Earth Power.”

“Gliscor, stand ready!” I withdrew the now sleeping metallic bug in favor of the bat like Pokémon. As Gliscor appeared, fangs bared in snarl, Earth Power harmlessly going off beneath her, I quickly plotted my moves. “Earthquake, followed by Protect!” I barked. Marley smiled indulgently.

“Nidoking….Ice Beam.” Gliscor floated down, raising her tail to use Earthquake, Nidoking formed a ball of ice in his mouth. The winner of this battle would be decided by whoever got their move off first.

Sadly for me, it wasn’t Gliscor. A bolt of ice shot across the arena, and smote Gliscor in the chest, sending the bat like Pokémon tumbling head over tail towards me. The move was four times more effective that usual, meaning that odds of Gliscor taking more that one hit were fairly slim. She landed in a cloud of dust, which obscured view for a moment. When smoke cleared, Gliscor was out cold.

This time I didn’t wait for the ref to call it. I simply recalled my Pokémon, and hurled my next Pokéball upwards. I was now losing again, and I had no choice about my next Pokémon.

“Suicune, Surf this bastard into oblivion!” I snarled. Marley didn’t seem phased by my second legendary, instead calling out his own attacks.

“Nidoking, Thunderbolt!” Marley countered. Suicune roared, tails flaring out behind it, and mane streaming as the massive tidal wave rose up, carrying the Legendary dog with it. Nidoking stood firm, electricity crackling around it.

Marley was obviously having second thoughts about his choice of tactics, a fact I could barely see on his face. However, before he could do anything the tidal wave was hovering over Nidoking who simply stared it at Suicune and unleashed a blast of powerful lighting right at the dog; the tidal wave connected, blowing Nidoking over. However I could also see that Suicune had been hit by the Thunderbolt, and was struggling to get up. My eyes narrowed, that Thunderbolt had done more damage than I expected it to.

Covered in small electrical sparks, Suicune rose to its feet, and limped back to stand in front of me; I looked the dog over, concerned at the damage Thunderbolt had done, however Suicune seemed to be fine, so I decided to leave it in the battle.

Across the field, Nidoking was plastered in the mud, and didn’t seem to be getting up. I smirked, finally, a solid knockout. Some might have counted Chansey, but I wasn’t willing to call that a clean defeat, due to the violent defeat of Excadrill moments earlier. Marley’s smirk from Gliscor’s rapid defeat was gone now, scowling he recalled Nidoking.

“Breloom.” This time, no fanfare accompanied the mushroom’s appearance, only a cold and unrelenting stare. I kept my face blank, nothing about this battle was worthy celebrating yet.

“Suicune, Ice Beam, and keep it up!” I ordered. In response, Suicune formed a ball of ice in its mouth, and without further ado began to hurl bolts of frozen water across the field towards Breloom.

“Breloom, dodge and then get in close with Mach Punch!” Marley called out. Breloom, nodded, and jumped left, and then right, expertly avoiding the unending barrage of attacks that Suicune was sending its way. I couldn’t help but be impressed by the acrobatics that Breloom was capable of, although I could also see the dodges leaving less and less room between Breloom and the Ice Beam attacks.

When Breloom was perhaps ten feet away from Suicune, the Mushroom Pokémon was straining to weave between the now highly concentrated volleys of Ice Beams. At last, Breloom lunged forwards to deliver the knockout blow, and Suicune’s head shot up, eyes gleaming with triumph.

I could not see exactly what happened, as Suicune’s billowing mane blocked my view, but I could see Breloom get sent flying upwards, a beam of ice following its ascent, and then hear Suicune howling in victory. With a vicious crunch, Breloom was reunited with the earth, and did not rise.

“Man, Pokémon are flying around here like pinballs!” the announcer called out. “In the short span of barely a minute we have seen Ian swap his Genesect out for Gliscor, which was promptly defeated in one attack, and then his Suicune take the field. Marley meanwhile, swapped his Breloom for Nidoking, which defeated Ian’s Gliscor with one attack, before Suicune defeated it in nearly the same fashion. Marley’s Breloom then took the field, and after some incredible acrobatics, was resoundingly defeated by Ian’s Suicune as well!” The recap was accurate, but I wasn’t aware so little time had passed during the rapid fire exchange. However, I was fairly sure that I was now leading the battle, or at least tying the score.

“Scizor.” Marley growled, and without further ado the steel plated bug fluttered into existence, buzzing angrily. This put my in a quandary, with Genesect asleep, I could not really on my own metallic bug to win this battle, and I knew from past experience that Scizor versus Tyranitar never ended well for Tyranitar. Combined with Alakazam being out of the game, I had no choice but to use Suicune.

“Damn it…Suicune Surf.” I ordered. The dog nodded, and threw back its head letting out a second howl, which precluded the appearance of a massive tidal wave, which bore down on Scizor.

“Bullet Punch.” Marley ordered. As the tidal wave rolled over Scizor, the Pokémon shot up, and effectively sucker punched Suicune right in the face, before being carried away by the wall of water.

Scizor rose up quickly, its small wings buzzing angrily, while Suicune took a moment to get back to its feet. This time both of us spoke at the same time. “Again” was all that was said.

However, the results were very different. Instead of a massive tidal waving rising from behind Suicune, who looked almost done in, Scizor darted again the field and drawing his claw back, punched Suicune hard enough to throw the dog a dozen feet straight back, out cold. I sighed, another powerful Pokémon down for the count, and I had no idea what waited in the wings from my opponent.

“And with that powerful punch, Scizor stops Ian’s Suicune’s sweep dead in its tracks!” The announcer called out. I ignored the rest of what was said to strategize in my head. Alakazam wouldn’t last a second out here, not with Bullet Punch going around, Tyranitar might be able to win, but would take huge damage in the process, and Genesect was asleep.

“Genesect.” I spat, aware that my chances of victory had just dwindled massively. With Genesect asleep, my fastest Pokémon down, my last ditch attacker virtually defeated, and my best defensive Pokémon out for the count, I didn’t have much that could win this battle. I could only hope that Genesect woke up quick enough to dish out some damage.

“Swords Dance!” I winced; Marley was going for pure power over rapid victory, which wasn’t going to do me any favors.

“Flamethrower!” Not much hope, but I had to try. However, Genesect remained stubbornly asleep. “Damn it, Flamethrower!” I snarled. This time, it worked, and Genesect’s eyes blinked open, and a flame kindled in the cannon on its back.

“Swords Dance.” Marley ordered his Scizor to power up once again. I smirked; I was back in the game. A low hiss came from Genesect, which oriented its cannon to bear down on Scizor.

Genesect unleashed a massive wave of flames from its cannon, which quickly raced across the field in a wall of blazing red, engulfing Scizor. The fire burned hot enough I could feel the heat rolling off of Genesect, despite standing a good distance behind the metallic bug.

When the conflagration died down, Scizor was laying, charred black on the ground, unmoving. I couldn’t help but smirk; I had a chance of winning this thing.

“Scizor is unable to battle.” The ref spoke up, and I flinched in surprise, having been completely engrossed in planning, I had forgotten that the referee even existed.

“Donphan.” All around the arena the crowd was completely silent, simply watching the battle. I figured he would try for Earthquake or something like that.

“Genesect, stop him cold, Ice Beam.” I growled. Genesect hummed, sounding like a computer hard drive, before wisps of cold air came floating out it the cannon on its back.

“Donphan, Earthquake.” Marley said calmly. The elephant-esque Pokémon reared back, preparing to slam down and create earth shattering tremors. However, at the exact moment Donphan slammed down, sending powerful tremors across the field, Genesect unleashed a solid beam of ice, which I figured to be about the size of my head. This beam slammed into Donphan, pushing it back, and doing massive damage. However the Earthquake knocked Genesect off its feet, doing some fair damage as well. I winced; I didn’t need more damage to my bet of victory.

“Genesect, Ice Beam again.” I ordered. Marley took a look at his Donphan and changed his plans.

“Donphan, use Ice Shard!” I blinked, not sure why he was using such an ineffective move. Still Donphan closes its eyes, and focused, creating dozens of thin slivers of ice that hung in the air.

“Genesect dodge, and finish this.” I ordered. As Donphan sent the barrage of thin ice slivers flying across the arena, Genesect rolled to the right, landing on one knee, and taking aim, before firing the powerful Ice Beam once again, while avoiding most of the Ice Shards.

The Ice Beam slammed into Donphan, and knocked it out cold on the spot. No flying, explosions, or any of that, the Pokémon just collapsed out cold. I cracked a smile. Maybe, just maybe, I could win. My opponent had one Pokémon left, and while Genesect looked ready to fall over, I was confident that Tyranitar could end this before Alakazam had to take the field, baring a miracle, or a seriously powerful Pokémon

“And with that rapid victory, Ian seems to have sealed the deal on his win, unless Marley can pull a serious miracle off.” The announcer boomed. I wasn’t as confident in my win, yes I expected victory, but I didn’t think I had sealed the deal just yet, having pulled off victories in this situation before.

“Latias.” Marley murmured, sending out the female Eon Dragon. I frowned. That put a serious wrench in the plans. While all three of my current Pokémon had a move with advantages over Latias, I could see three potential problems. First off, Tyranitar didn’t know Crunch or Ice Fang, so his power was limited; Alakazam was ready to fall over, as was Genesect.

“Well that is certainly a surprise folks, not one, not two, but three Legendary Pokémon have shown themselves in this battle! I think we can expect this upcoming clash to be one of titanic proportions!” The announcer boomed. I spared a single second to mentally curse him, before I focused on the battle.

“Genesect, Ice Beam! We need to end this quickly!” I called out. The metallic bug nodded tiredly, and took aim with its cannon. Across the field Marley was not sitting idle however.

“Latias, dodge, and then attack with Dragon Pulse.” His voice was cool and confident, almost as though he wasn’t losing this battle. Although, with the state of my team, he wasn’t really losing by much.

Latias floated upwards, rising quickly, while a ball of green energy formed in her mouth. Genesect calmly reoriented the cannon, and with a grunt of pain, fired yet another massive Ice Beam. At the same instant Latias released her Dragon Pulse, which blasted down to meet the bolt of frigid air.

Much to my astonishment, the Ice Beam punched a solid hole in the middle of the Dragon Pulse, with both attacks continuing to slam into their targets. Latias went flipping upwards, before righting herself, almost a hundred feet above the battle arena.

Meanwhile the remnants of the Dragon Pulse impacted Genesect, knocking it over. I waited for a long moment, but the metallic bug did not rise, instead it simply remained spread eagle in the center a small crater.

“Genesect is unable to battle!” the referee called out. I sighed; this battle was as good as over.

“Tyranitar, stand ready.” I sent out the armored Pokémon, while frantically trying to establish a tactic that might have a chance of working. Nothing came to mind however, meaning I was at my opponent’s mercy.

“Tyranitar use Pursuit until I say otherwise.” I ordered. The Pokémon growled in agreement. I then zoned out the battle, frantically thinking of plans, counters to my own plans, and after a very long time, concluding that I had lost. Tyranitar was simply unable to win, and I couldn’t manage to delude myself into thinking Alakazam could win.

“And after nearly twenty repetitions of similar cycle, Ian’s Tyranitar looks to be on its last legs. Despite landing numerous attacks, Latias has always healed itself with Recover, and boosted her own offensive power with Calm Mind, and defending with Protect. Now, after two Dragon Pulses Tyranitar appears to be just about finished.” I narrowed my eyes, a final last ditch tactic forming.

“Tyranitar, Fire Blast, followed up by Super Power!” It was a long shot, but if I burned the dragon, I might be able to win. Tyranitar roared tiredly, building up the flames in his mouth.

“No deal, Latias, end this with Dragon Pulse.” Marley called out. I sighed, Tyranitar was not in shape to dodge, and instead stood proud, arms crossed defiantly glaring at the Eon Dragon. Just as the Dragon Pulse struck home, bowling him over, Tyranitar unleashed Fire Blast, a ball of flames the several times the size of a basketball, which howled across the arena slamming into Latias with a hollow boom, sending a massive cloud of fire upwards.

Tyranitar collapsed face first into the dirt, looking completely defeated. I sighed, withdrawing the unconscious Pokémon from the battle. Across the field, Latias was still hovering looking almost not worse for the wear.

“And with that, the score is tied, Ian having only his battered Alakazam remaining, while Marley’s Latias still seems raring to go!” The announcer shouted. All sound had ceased, and I could hear the wind ruffling my jacket as I raised Alakazam’s Pokéball.

“Once more, for glory.” I whispered, before hurling the small orb skywards. I was under no illusions that I would win this battle, but if I was going down, by damn, I would make a hell of a show out of it.

Alakazam’s appearance did little to instill hope that I might win, The psychic Pokémon still looked nearly dead, and was barely standing. I closed my eyes, shutting out all outside influence.

The roar of the crowd, anticipating a rapid, but decisive result, dulled in my ears: the announcer’s voice, filled with giddy anticipation faded to white noise. Everything was eliminated from my perceptions, everything except for me, Marley’s smirk, Latias, and Alakazam.

“Once more for glory.” I whispered to myself. I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince though. “Alakazam, Shadow Ball!” I could barely hear myself speak the words but my Pokémon obviously did.

With an uncharacteristic snarl, Alakazam began to gather ghostly energy, which slowly condensed into a cohesive blob, which slowly grew bigger. At first this blob was about this size of a golf ball, then a tennis ball, before swelling further to the uninspiring size of a large apple.

“Latias, Dragon Pulse!” Marley shouted, “Finish him off.” The dragon quickly formed a Dragon Pulse and sent it flying towards Alakazam, who was barely holding Shadow Ball together. I didn’t even bother to order Alakazam to dodge, knowing that this was it. Either I got a double knock out from this one attack, or I lost.

Time seemed to slow as I watched the attack approached the unstable Shadow Ball. When the pulse got within ten feet, Alakazam threw the ball, which, despite having little power behind it, simply bowled right through the Dragon Pulse.

My eyes widened in shock as the attack continued, spinning faster and faster across the grassy expanse of the field before slamming into Latias.

A massive explosion of shadows engulfed the Eon Dragon, until she came flying out the dust, flipping *** over teakettle, before landing with an unceremonious thud. Just for a second I had to wonder why I had picked the phrased *** over teakettle to describe the dragon’s flight path, before I realized what had happened.

With a resound crack, Latias hit the ground, throwing up a cloud of dust, which obscured the view of the mighty dragon. When the dust cleared, I clapped eyes on a sight I had never expected.

Latias lay unmoving on the earth, eyes closed, and I was unable to see both her wings.

The whole arena fell deathly silent once again, and I had to wonder if what I had just seen was true. Marley was staring at his Latias, as if staring would will the Pokémon to get up faster.

Ten seconds passed, and Latias did not stir, simply remaining collapsed in a crater. Alakazam was kneeling, having dropped his spoon, unable to fight anymore.

“Latias is unable to battle! Ian Blackwood is the winner!” The referee called out. I froze, unable to believe what I had just heard.

I had won, by some twisted miracle I had won. Despite the mistakes I had made I had won.

“And against impossible odds, it seems Ian Blackwood is the winner and now advancing to the Semifinals!” The announcer sounded awed, the entire crowd was silent, as if they, like me, could not believe what they had seen.

Across the field, Marley sank to his knees seemingly unable to comprehend what had jus occurred. I simply stood numb with shock for a very long time, before a small smile graced my lips.

“Once more for glory indeed.” I mumbled, before withdrawing Alakazam.



Well, there you have it. I appreciate feedback one what I did well, and what needs some work, so any thoughts you have would be appreciated, and welcomed.

If you have an idea for a scene I could write, feel free to let me know.

I hope to write more of these, and post them here.

Kutie Pie
30th June 2012, 8:08 PM
Well, that was certainly entertaining. That must've been one hell of a battle you had on Pokémon Online.

I don't normally read stories that deal with mainly Pokémon battles, but the details on the battle was good enough in the middle of "too little" and "too excessive" for me to understand. So I was able to see the battle play out without problems. Another reason why I don't usually read battle-centric stories like this one is usually because I learn almost nothing from the characters involved. Usually the Pokémon have more character than the trainers, and that is unbalanced, in my opinion.

And yet, you mention in your author's note that you are planning on making this a one-shot compilation on this trainer, Ian Blackwood. Well then, I hope to learn more about his character. I can see in this one he is determined and knowledgeable about Pokémon, but he also seemed a little pushy to me. It could be because it was like he growled out every sentence he made (according to what you put), and thus I was "meh" about him.

Of course, since this was in his own words, this made me smirk:


The armored behemoth’s eyes smoldered with rage, all of which was focused on the pink blob before me.

He really hated that Chansey XD.

Back to what I was saying, I did wonder who was going to win in the end anyway, and though I figured it was going to be Ian, you sure kept that tension throughout the one-shot--even though it felt a little cliché. But if that was how your actual online battle turned out, then I can understand. It was very entertaining, after all. Sure was intense by the end.

A few little mistakes I noticed.


In a flash of red light, the strange money mushroom Pokémon vanished

You had quite a few of these slip-ups in spelling throughout the one-shot. Here, you forgot the "k", so it turned from being a monkey to money xD.


“Excadrill in unable to battle.”

"Is".


Marley was obviously having second thoughts about his choice of tactics, a fact I could barley see on his face.

He's got barley on his face xD? It's "barely".

Overall, I liked it visually, so I expect some character development with Ian like you promised. I don't want to keep imaging him as someone who just growls orders at his Pokémon.

Aura Of Twilight
3rd July 2012, 1:30 AM
Well, here I am as promised! :)

Overall, that was excellent. You described the battle scene effectively and how unpredictable battles between trainers can be. There's always surprises lying in wait, so its impossible to see who's going to win until the end. I can understand Ian's furstration throughout the battle though, since more than once it seemed that he was about to win.


“Give away my secrets why don’t you…” I grumbled. “Still, Excadrill, start this off with a bang, Earthquake!” I announced. “But first, Swords Dance!” The mole nodded, and prepared to execute Swords Dance when I suddenly noticed Marley’s Chansey was closing in. “Scratch that, Earthquake!” I barked. The change surprised my Pokémon, and Excadrill hesitated for a few seconds to long.

“Chansey Seismic Toss!” Marley’s command echoed in my ears. “Let him Earthquake and then Counter!”

My eyes widened in horror, Excadrill’s Earthquake stood some chance of knocking Chansey right out of the game, but if it didn’t my trusty mole was toast. This guy was certainly thinking ahead of me, something I had to change.

With a cheerful cry that didn’t suit the battle at all, Chansey jumped up into the air, performed a flip and landed squarely atop Excadrill delivering a devastating blow to the mole, who stumbled in surprise. The Pokémon then hopped back, and smiled.

“Chansey!” It exclaimed, and then winced from the Sandstorm’s residential damage. With a titanic roar of rage, Excadrill stepped back, and prepared to unleash Earthquake.

“****….Excadrill stop!” I shouted, if my Pokémon heard me, it gave no sign, instead opting to begin stomping the ground with incredible force, sending shock waves across the battlefield. I stumbled, and lost sight of the combat for an instant.

“Chansey!” I heard rather than saw the blow that Counter dealt, and the crowd drew a collective breath. I looked up in time to see Excadrill stumble back in pain, before toppling forwards, unconscious. The ref raised a hand.

Ouch! Talk about rough. I definetly dont want to meet that Chansey in a dark alley. The fact that it was smiling after knocking out Excadrill I found so creepy for some reason. lol

This was the only mistake I noticed:


With an uncharacteristic snarl, Alakazam began to gather ghostly energy, which slowly condensed into a cohesive blob, which slowly grew bigger. At first this blob was about this size of a golf ball, then a tennis ball, before swelling further to the uninspiring size of a large apple.

As you can see, you used the phrase "which slowly" twice in the same sentence. Since the sentence is in past tense and you've already begun to describe the blob, you really don't need the second one.

That aside, great job. I'm looking forward to reading more of Ian's life.