PDA

View Full Version : The Elite four Chronicles: Vs Flint (Part 1)



lakooki
9th July 2012, 7:35 AM
After winning the sinnoh league on his second attempt, Ash is now primed to face the Elite four in his bid to win the champions league and become a pokemon master.

Announcer: Today we bring you a sizzling battle between a promising challenger from Pallet town, Ash Ketchum and the fiery Elite four member Flint. Ketchum must tread carefully to avoid being scorched by Flint's flaming hot pokemon.


Judge: This a 6 on 6 battle, the battle will end when one trainer loses all 6 pokemon. Begin!

Flint: I'll start with my best, you're up Infernape!

Ash: Then I'll start with Swellow, go! Use aerial ace!

Announcer: It's a direct hit! An impressive start from the trainer from Pallet!

Flint: Hmph! Not bad.

Ash: There's more where that came from! Time for a quick attack!

Flint: Use Flamethrower!

Ash: Heh! Swellow's too fast for that to work! And we have the aerial advantage!

Announcer: Swellow effortlessly evades Infernape's flamethrower and wounds it with a swift quick attack! Infernape has taken considerable damage, could this be the end for it?

(Infernape is kneeling down and panting heavily whilst Swellow looks unharmed)

Flint: Don't give up Infernape! Our burning passion will win us this battle!

Ash: Not if I can help it! Swellow, finish this with brave bird!

Flint: Infernape, just stay calm and wait for my signal.

(Swellow charges in fast with Brave bird as Infernape stays stationary)

Announcer: It looks like this is it! Swellow is homing in on a statuesque Infernape! Has Flint given up on issuing Infernape commands?

(Just before Swellow connects with Infernape flint commands it to dodge using a spinning flame wheel)

Flint: Dodge using flame wheel!

(Ash and Swellow are both shocked)

Flint: Now stun it with a mach punch!

Ash: Swellow!

Announcer: That was a powerful hit! Swellow surely felt that!

(Swellow is on the floor in pain)

Ash: Swellow, get up and fly away from Infernape! As long as you keep your distance we will win this!

(Swellow gets up and attempts to fly away)

Flint: You really think I'm going to let you have it your way? Infernape, grab it by the feet before it can fly away!

Ash: Get away Swellow!

(Infernape grabs Swellow by the feet and pulls it down to the ground)

Flint: Don't let go of it Infernape! It's our turn now! Use Close combat!

Announcer: Infernape has brutalised Swellow with a viscious close combat!

Ash: Damn it!

Flint: Now finish it up with mach punch!

Ash: Swellow, no!

Judge: Swellow is unable to battle to battle, the victory goes to infernape!

Announcer: So that's the first pokemon down! After a strong start from Swellow, Infernape proved too strong and now Ash the challenger only has 5 pokemon remaining whilst Flint still has all his 6 pokemon intact.

Ash: ...

Flint: What's the matter Ash, has your spirit burned out?

Ash: Heh! No, I just needed to cool down! Squirtle, I choose you!

Flint: A water type huh? How predictable. You won't beat me with ordinary methods!

Ash: You never know until you try!

Flint: Heh! Looks like the fire in your belly has returned. Interesting...Infernape return!

Ash: What the?

Flint: I'll save my best for later! Magmortar, you're up!

Announcer: Flint's second pokemon is a Magmortar, a suprise choice from the Elite four member.

Ash: We have the advantage Squirtle, if we keep calm this battle is our for the taking.

Squirtle: Squirtle, Squirtle!

Ash: We will use that advantage! Squirtle use Hydro pump!

Flint: Didn't I tell you that type advantage alone is not enough to beat me? Magmortar use thunderbolt!

Ash: What the?

Flint: Don't get complacent and think that because you have an advantage your victory is assured otherwise your opponent will end up using your advantage to their advantage. Got that?

(Magmortar's thunderbolt is powered up by Squirtle's Hydro pump and is swiftly approaching Squirtle)

Announcer: Squirtle's in trouble if this hits! Flint baited Ash in to using a water type move before countering with an electric move, knowing that water conducts electricity. I would expect nothing less from an Elite four member!

(Ash Smirks)

Ash: Heh! I have a few tricks up my sleeve too you know! Squirtle, time to show them the counter shield! Rapid spin, followed by muddy water!

(Squirtle repels the thunderbolt, sending it back to Magmortar)

Flint: Magmortar!!!

Announcer: Incredible! What an innovative way to counter thunderbolt! And not only did he counter it, he used the move to inflict damage on the opponents pokemon! Spectacular stuff from the challenger!

Ash: We have him on the ropes! Finish this with skull bash!

(Squirtle tucks its head in and launches a powerful skull bash on the wounded Magmortar)

Judge: Magmortar is unable to battle! The victory goes to Squirtle!

Flint: ...I must say I'm impressed. I underestimated your power, I was the one being overconfident not you. Heh! But I won't make the same mistake again, Typhlosion it's your turn!

Ash: Another fire type, huh?

Announcer: This battle is in the balance, both trainers have five pokemon remaining. This is both a compelling and fascinating battle.

Ash: In that case, Squirtle use Hydro pump!

Flint: Heh!Typhlosion use sunny day!

Ash: What? Why?

Announcer: Yowza! That's hot! The sunlight has become harsh, the power of fire type moves will increase whilst the power of water type moves will decrease!

(Hydro pump hits Typhlosion but it shrugs off the damage)

Announcer: It's a direct, super effective hit but it doesn't seem to have hurt Typhlosion.

(Typhlosion grins)

Flint: It's our turn now, time to turn the heat up! Overheat!

Ash: Counter it with Rapid spin and muddy water!

Flint: That won't work this time!

Announcer: The counter shield has failed! It's a direct hit on Squirtle and despite it not normally being very effective against water types, it seems to have done some heavy damage to Squirtle.

Squirtle:... (Squirtle is panting heavily, its shell is charred and it looks in bad condition)

Ash: We only have one option left then...Skull bash!

Flint: I've backed you into a corner, time to finish this. Typhlosion, use dig to dodge!

Ash: What the?

Squirtle: Squirtle?

Flint: Now end this!

(Typhlosion burrows his way up behind Squirtle)

Ash: Behind you!

Flint: Solarbeam!

Ash: Squirtle no!

Judge: Squirtle is unable to battle! The victory goes to Typhlosion!

Announcer: An excellent response from Flint after losing a pokemon. Flint currently has 5 pokemon, whereas the challenger Ash has 4.

Ash: (inner thoughts) How can I stop that Typhlosion? I can't use that guy yet, I need him for THAT battle...How about that other guy? Yeah! That's perfect! Donphan, I choose you!

Flint: (inner thoughts) Donphan eh? I wonder what he's planning.

Ash: Donphan, Stone edge!

Flint: Heh! How naive, use dig to dodge it!

Ash: He fell for it!

Flint: ? Sh-

Ash: Time to try out your new move Donphan! Earthquake!

Announcer: A fierce earthquake! The move doubles in power when the opposing pokemon is underground. Is this the end for Typhlosion?

(Typhlosion emerges from the ground with x's in its eyes)

Judge: Typhlosion is unable to battle.

Flint: Why you...

Ash: Heh heh! You should expect the unexpected when you're fighting me and my pokemon.

Announcer: Amazing! Both trainers now have 4 pokemon each! Yet again, the battle is equally weighted.

Flint: Ash, it's trainers like you who ignite my passion for battling. You truly are an exciting trainer. But...Your hot streak will end here, Infernape time to incinerate them!

Announcer: Infernape vs Donphan...Ash has the advantage but will he get it all his own way?

To be continued... ;)

jrizza88
9th July 2012, 8:28 AM
After winning the sinnoh league on his second attempt, Ash is now primed to face the Elite four in his bid to win the champions league and become a pokemon master.

Announcer: Today we bring you a sizzling battle between a promising challenger from Pallet town, Ash Ketchum and the fiery Elite four member Flint. Ketchum must tread carefully to avoid being scorched by Flint's flaming hot pokemon.


Judge: This a 6 on 6 battle, the battle will end when one trainer loses all 6 pokemon. Begin!

Flint: I'll start with my best, you're up Infernape!

Ash: Then I'll start with Swellow, go! Use aerial ace!

Announcer: It's a direct hit! An impressive start from the trainer from Pallet!

Flint: Hmph! Not bad.

Ash: There's more where that came from! Time for a quick attack!

Flint: Use Flamethrower!

Ash: Heh! Swellow's too fast for that to work! And we have the aerial advantage!

Announcer: Swellow effortlessly evades Infernape's flamethrower and wounds it with a swift quick attack! Infernape has taken considerable damage, could this be the end for it?

(Infernape is kneeling down and panting heavily whilst Swellow looks unharmed)

Flint: Don't give up Infernape! Our burning passion will win us this battle!

Ash: Not if I can help it! Swellow, finish this with brave bird!

Flint: Infernape, just stay calm and wait for my signal.

(Swellow charges in fast with Brave bird as Infernape stays stationary)

Announcer: It looks like this is it! Swellow is homing in on a statuesque Infernape! Has Flint given up on issuing Infernape commands?

(Just before Swellow connects with Infernape flint commands it to dodge using a spinning flame wheel)

Flint: Dodge using flame wheel!

(Ash and Swellow are both shocked)

Flint: Now stun it with a mach punch!

Ash: Swellow!

Announcer: That was a powerful hit! Swellow surely felt that!

(Swellow is on the floor in pain)

Ash: Swellow, get up and fly away from Infernape! As long as you keep your distance we will win this!

(Swellow gets up and attempts to fly away)

Flint: You really think I'm going to let you have it your way? Infernape, grab it by the feet before it can fly away!

Ash: Get away Swellow!

(Infernape grabs Swellow by the feet and pulls it down to the ground)

Flint: Don't let go of it Infernape! It's our turn now! Use Close combat!

Announcer: Infernape has brutalised Swellow with a viscious close combat!

Ash: Damn it!

Flint: Now finish it up with mach punch!

Ash: Swellow, no!

Judge: Swellow is unable to battle to battle, the victory goes to infernape!

Announcer: So that's the first pokemon down! After a strong start from Swellow, Infernape proved too strong and now Ash the challenger only has 5 pokemon remaining whilst Flint still has all his 6 pokemon intact.

Ash: ...

Flint: What's the matter Ash, has your spirit burned out?

Ash: Heh! No, I just needed to cool down! Squirtle, I choose you!

Flint: A water type huh? How predictable. You won't beat me with ordinary methods!

Ash: You never know until you try!

Flint: Heh! Looks like the fire in your belly has returned. Interesting...Infernape return!

Ash: What the?

Flint: I'll save my best for later! Magmortar, you're up!

Announcer: Flint's second pokemon is a Magmortar, a suprise choice from the Elite four member.

Ash: We have the advantage Squirtle, if we keep calm this battle is our for the taking.

Squirtle: Squirtle, Squirtle!

Ash: We will use that advantage! Squirtle use Hydro pump!

Flint: Didn't I tell you that type advantage alone is not enough to beat me? Magmortar use thunderbolt!

Ash: What the?

Flint: Don't get complacent and think that because you have an advantage your victory is assured otherwise your opponent will end up using your advantage to their advantage. Got that?

(Magmortar's thunderbolt is powered up by Squirtle's Hydro pump and is swiftly approaching Squirtle)

Announcer: Squirtle's in trouble if this hits! Flint baited Ash in to using a water type move before countering with an electric move, knowing that water conducts electricity. I would expect nothing less from an Elite four member!

(Ash Smirks)

Ash: Heh! I have a few tricks up my sleeve too you know! Squirtle, time to show them the counter shield! Rapid spin, followed by muddy water!

(Squirtle repels the thunderbolt, sending it back to Magmortar)

Flint: Magmortar!!!

Announcer: Incredible! What an innovative way to counter thunderbolt! And not only did he counter it, he used the move to inflict damage on the opponents pokemon! Spectacular stuff from the challenger!

Ash: We have him on the ropes! Finish this with skull bash!

(Squirtle tucks its head in and launches a powerful skull bash on the wounded Magmortar)

Judge: Magmortar is unable to battle! The victory goes to Squirtle!

Flint: ...I must say I'm impressed. I underestimated your power, I was the one being overconfident not you. Heh! But I won't make the same mistake again, Typhlosion it's your turn!

Ash: Another fire type, huh?

Announcer: This battle is in the balance, both trainers have five pokemon remaining. This is both a compelling and fascinating battle.

Ash: In that case, Squirtle use Hydro pump!

Flint: Heh!Typhlosion use sunny day!

Ash: What? Why?

Announcer: Yowza! That's hot! The sunlight has become harsh, the power of fire type moves will increase whilst the power of water type moves will decrease!

(Hydro pump hits Typhlosion but it shrugs off the damage)

Announcer: It's a direct, super effective hit but it doesn't seem to have hurt Typhlosion.

(Typhlosion grins)

Flint: It's our turn now, time to turn the heat up! Overheat!

Ash: Counter it with Rapid spin and muddy water!

Flint: That won't work this time!

Announcer: The counter shield has failed! It's a direct hit on Squirtle and despite it not normally being very effective against water types, it seems to have done some heavy damage to Squirtle.

Squirtle:... (Squirtle is panting heavily, its shell is charred and it looks in bad condition)

Ash: We only have one option left then...Skull bash!

Flint: I've backed you into a corner, time to finish this. Typhlosion, use dig to dodge!

Ash: What the?

Squirtle: Squirtle?

Flint: Now end this!

(Typhlosion burrows his way up behind Squirtle)

Ash: Behind you!

Flint: Solarbeam!

Ash: Squirtle no!

Judge: Squirtle is unable to battle! The victory goes to Typhlosion!

Announcer: An excellent response from Flint after losing a pokemon. Flint currently has 5 pokemon, whereas the challenger Ash has 4.

Ash: (inner thoughts) How can I stop that Typhlosion? I can't use that guy yet, I need him for THAT battle...How about that other guy? Yeah! That's perfect! Donphan, I choose you!

Flint: (inner thoughts) Donphan eh? I wonder what he's planning.

Ash: Donphan, Stone edge!

Flint: Heh! How naive, use dig to dodge it!

Ash: He fell for it!

Flint: ? Sh-

Ash: Time to try out your new move Donphan! Earthquake!

Announcer: A fierce earthquake! The move doubles in power when the opposing pokemon is underground. Is this the end for Typhlosion?

(Typhlosion emerges from the ground with x's in its eyes)

Judge: Typhlosion is unable to battle.

Flint: Why you...

Ash: Heh heh! You should expect the unexpected when you're fighting me and my pokemon.

Announcer: Amazing! Both trainers now have 4 pokemon each! Yet again, the battle is equally weighted.

Flint: Ash, it's trainers like you who ignite my passion for battling. You truly are an exciting trainer. But...Your hot streak will end here, Infernape time to incinerate them!

Announcer: Infernape vs Donphan...Ash has the advantage but will he get it all his own way?

To be continued... ;)
I love this so far! I look forward to reading about the rest of this battle. I'm hoping Pikachu stars or takes down Infernape since their last battle was one sided...

lakooki
9th July 2012, 8:36 AM
I love this so far! I look forward to reading about the rest of this battle. I'm hoping Pikachu stars or takes down Infernape since their last battle was one sided...

Stay tuned to find out ;)

Psychic
9th July 2012, 8:39 AM
Please read the rules of a section before posting in it. The Fan Fiction Rules explain that scripts are generally not allowed, unless written properly. This means describing the setting, the characters, their emotions/tone of voice, actions and other stage direction. You can not write a fic entirely through dialogue, especially not a battle where exciting things are supposed to be happening. Half the fun comes from seeing the Pokemon in action as well, and just saying "Pokemon used attack" over and over is boring and tells us very little about what's happening. Show the Pokemon's thoughts and emotions, from when it emerges from its Pokeball with a cry to when it powers up an attack to when it gets badly hurt and struggles to keep from fainting. Seeing both trainers' reactions throughout the battle would also up the excitement and engage the reader more.

It doesn't really make sense that Ash wouldn't use the Pokemon he was currently training in the Snnoh region and abandon them for older ones. Even though the type advantages would help, Ash generally just uses whatever he has on him, so his decision seemed a little out-of-place.

Anyhow, aside from that, this looks decent. Your grammar is pretty good and you write fun, snappy dialogue. Unfortunately, a bunch of battles on their own with no real plot or driving force can be pretty dull, especially if the battles themselves aren't very descriptive or exciting. You don't say why Ash is battling the Elite Four so it doesn't feel like there's much of a point to it, so your story will need to draw in readers through just being so well-written they'll be dying for more, and unfortunately you're just not there with this quality of writing.

You definitely have potential to write some exciting battles, but you'll have to work at it. Read the Rules, read Advice for Aspiring Authors, and read some of the other fics around here to get an idea of what other people do and how. Save your work on your computer and go over it a few times, looking for ways to improve before posting it. Good writing requires time and effort, so just put some in and I think you'll go far. I'm closing this for now, but I hope you'll read some threads and try again! Good luck to you. :)

~Psychic