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Blue Aurora
22nd March 2005, 9:50 AM
Crap. Just crap. By neglecting my story for too long, it has been deleted.
But no matter: I'm posted Chapter 1 all over again!

Chapter 1: Reincarnated



There was a lean, tanned figure sitting in the dining hall, reading a book. Sunlight was traveling through the glass of the window, pouring itself like paint onto the book, which was a documentary on history. The figure posed a masculine outline, only his bronze-colored hands were in the light. His fingernails were light-pink.


The figure was a boy in his early teens, thirteen to be precise. He was wearing a plain T-shirt that was plainly green, and pants that were as dark as the night sky. His body, along with his hands, was a bronze color. His name was Harold Falcon; a suiting name as his sapphire-blue eyes were as keen as the bird-of-prey’s….but in this world, creatures like that did not exist.


This world was an alternate timeline, a reality that contained creatures known as Pokemon. Harold was reading a book on the history of human-Pokémon ties, how has humankind served Pokémon and Pokémon in return serving them. Harold suffered from Poképhobia, a fear of Pokémon, and he was lucky that the school he went to didn’t make Pokemon battles compulsory.


He lived in a land called Hoenn, filled with Pokemon that were hundreds of times more amazing than the ones from Kanto and Johto. To be more specific, he lived in Littleroot Town, a town where two legendary trainers: Brendan and May, the niece and nephew of Professor Birch and the relative of Petalberg Gym Leader Norman’s spouse. Though small, it was a quiet neighborhood, with the occasional thieves coming to town and new kiddies moving in town.


Harold was a decent person; athletic, handsome and intelligent, he was the type of boy nearly every parent wanted. But little did he know that he would be a champion…not of the Hoenn Pokémon League, but of the wild.


It happened quickly.


There was a sound of two girls playing tag, gleeful laughter filling the air. There was no one else outside. But then screams drowned them out.


“Strange…” Harold wondered, calmly walking out to the front door. He had the athlete’s ability to cover a lot of distance without much effort.


He opened the oak door, in time to see a pair of frozen 6-year-old girls rooted to the spot. They were immobile; fear had captured their attention, gluing their eyes to the semi-trailer that was at a high velocity. It wasn’t that the driver was intending to flatten the girls. It was that the driver had lost control, and it was crashing through lampposts and flattening fences.


The driver’s face was twisted, his pearly-white teeth in a mangled snarl. The semi-trailer was very close. Harold bravely hurled himself, his head acting as a battering-ram, pushing both girls out of the way. But he didn’t have time to save himself.


The wheels drove over his masculine body, a sick crunching of bone was heard as each pair rolled over him. A streak of red landed on the nearby girls’ faces and dresses. Screams poured out from their gaping mouths. By the time the man managed to bring the uncontrollable vehicle to a stop, it was too late: Harold was dead.


A man in a greenish-blue coat and a surgical mask was walking out of the a room with a white square containing a pair of thick red lines interconnecting with each other was on top. He was walking to a sobbing woman in a lavishly expensive, pink-colored silk dress. She had a handbag made of cow-hide. A 6’3 tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed man with tanned skin was sitting beside her. He was wearing a plain white sleeveless shirt and jet-black pants. He was the sobbing woman’s husband. A fat man with a face torn by guilt and sadness sat by him, along with a dozen other people.


The doctor stopped directly in front of him. “I’m sorry to say that…” he sucked up the saliva in his mouth, and took a deep breath. “…your son is dead.”
“NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” she wailed, the sound echoing throughout the entire hospital. She jammed her hands into her face, tears seeping through the gaps.


“Dear, we all have to be…” her husband began,


“No!” She repeated, her face tainted with hatred. She pointed a long, condemning finger at the plump man, who was the truck-driver. “You monster! You took my poor baby away!!!!” She raised the cow-hide-made handbag, and slammed it repeatedly over the truck-driver’s face.


Her husband, the doctor and some of the anxious people immediately got up and were struggling to pull the enraged lady back. Cursing and swearing, her mouth was spewing out threats of suing him and having him spending the rest of his life in prison.


But as all this commotion was going on, a white aura rose up from the dead boy’s body, which had been moved to the hospital morgue. It rose up and up, higher and higher, all the way to Sootopolis City’s Cave of Origin.


Meanwhile, in the Forest between Petalberg and Rustboro, two Blazikens were watching at an egg. It was going to hatch any second now.


“Yes!” said the male Blaziken (in the Pokémon language, of course :-P), which was about a few inches taller than the female, as he saw a crack on the egg forming. More crackling was forming as quickly as the parent Blazikens’ smiles. Then a great “POP!” was heard as the pieces of the egg shot off like missiles in every direction. A crying Torchic was sitting in the middle. The female Blaziken hugged the taller male.


In some trees not too far away…


An old Noctowl was in its home, a great hole in the tree. It’s head was looking down, talking to a Xatu and an Alakazam.


“Something tells me that a great being will come...” said the Xatu.


“He will be the unlikely one to bring down the great shadows.” continued the Alakazam.


“He will be the one.” finished the Noctowl.

metagrossEX
22nd March 2005, 3:35 PM
OOOOHHHHHH...... its okay for a first chapter, but this fic is a bit weird. Harold's a champ of the wild, but he brings shadows?! Some length wouldn't kill you. Is Harold the torchic?

Kiyohime
23rd March 2005, 3:33 AM
Hmmmm, it's better than most I've seen, but it could stand to use a LOT more description, but what you have isn't bad.

Don't overuse punctuation marks, it tends to make phrases look silly. But you don't seem to have any spelling or grammar errors, which is good.

Interesing idea though, having a human being recarninated as a pokemon. ^^

..::Scrap::..

Chibi Pika
23rd March 2005, 3:44 AM
Yay, 'tis back!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol, okay, anyways,I like this ficcy, I really do. I remember when I first read it I was completely caught off gurad when he was ran over, wasn't really expecting it. XP

Okay, now, as Scrap said, could use some more description. That and also, you only need to double space, not triple after every paragraph. Triple is only for scene switching, in my opinion. And the A/N in the middle was a no-no, you could have just "'Yes!' said the male Blaziken in Pokémon Languge, =-P need not be added ^^;;;

~Chibi~;249;

Blue Aurora
23rd March 2005, 9:26 AM
OOOOHHHHHH...... its okay for a first chapter, but this fic is a bit weird. Harold's a champ of the wild, but he brings shadows?! Some length wouldn't kill you. Is Harold the torchic?
Yes he is.

Joshua - Shadow Brigadier
23rd March 2005, 9:52 AM
Not bad. An interesting start, but could have used more length and detail.

Keep up the good work,
Joshua

Blue Aurora
27th March 2005, 12:53 PM
My main computer's down and it has the files containing my story. Sorry people, but my story may be a bit delayed....

Elemental Charizam
7th April 2005, 6:48 PM
Agrhh! It's double-spaced! >_<

My hate of double-spacing aside it's an intresting fic; original and rather weird so far. I liked the way you incorporated the Cave of Origin myth into it as well, it'll be intresting to see how the re-incarnation goes :)

Taking into account the double-spacing then it could use a bit more length, though it acts as a Prologue as far as I can see so it isn't much of a problem. It could use a bit more description, like what the Blaziken den looked like and such, and you could have created a good atmosphere at the end too with a little description. All in all though this is a pretty intresting fic, I think I might become a permanant reader.

~EC

Mimori Kiryu
10th April 2005, 4:38 AM
Hey, Blue Aurora! Not a bad start and I didn't see any grammar mistakes...that's good. I like the fact of a human reincarnated into a pokemon^^

The Big Al
11th April 2005, 12:20 PM
Hm. I don't really know. It's kind of confusing. Maybe you should have gone a little longer with this first chapter as I feel a little confused. A great idea I guess. When you post more I'll check in. This one might have to do some growing on me.

Torrence
14th April 2005, 11:00 AM
Hey Blue Aurora, nice fic! Human reincarnation into Pokemon interesting indeed

Zimmy
21st July 2005, 12:53 PM
Well, nice to see it's come back... Have you re-written it? *jumps excitedly*


To be more specific, he lived in Littleroot Town, a town where two legendary trainers: Brendan and May, the niece and nephew of Professor Birch and the relative of Petalberg Gym Leader Norman’s spouse.This grammer error really annoyed me the most out of the errors I spotted. What the first sentence is basicly saying is 'He lived in Littleroot town, where two legendary trainers.' That makes no sense, and the bit after the colon is excessivly long and confusing. So you're saying Brendan and May are siblings, and the kids of a mysterious sibling of Prof Birch. You also say they're relatives of Norman's spouse... To prevent any dirty thoughts, I'd've put 'wife', not 'spouse'. ;)

The scene with the hospital also confused me a bit. First, when Harold died, the two girls he saved were splattered with blood. Obviously, he had fatal injuries, and was probably squashed flat. So why was he sent to the hospital? It would be obvious just looking at him that he was dead.

Um... There was a third thing I wanted to mention, but I forgot it. o.o Darnit! *slaps self*

~Zimmy ;151;

Blue Aurora
22nd July 2005, 4:44 AM
Well, nice to see it's come back... Have you re-written it? *jumps excitedly*

This grammer error really annoyed me the most out of the errors I spotted. What the first sentence is basicly saying is 'He lived in Littleroot town, where two legendary trainers.' That makes no sense, and the bit after the colon is excessivly long and confusing. So you're saying Brendan and May are siblings, and the kids of a mysterious sibling of Prof Birch. You also say they're relatives of Norman's spouse... To prevent any dirty thoughts, I'd've put 'wife', not 'spouse'. ;)

The scene with the hospital also confused me a bit. First, when Harold died, the two girls he saved were splattered with blood. Obviously, he had fatal injuries, and was probably squashed flat. So why was he sent to the hospital? It would be obvious just looking at him that he was dead.

Um... There was a third thing I wanted to mention, but I forgot it. o.o Darnit! *slaps self*

~Zimmy ;151;
Thank you!

Blue Aurora
18th August 2005, 5:33 AM
***=bump=***

Blue Aurora
11th October 2005, 3:28 PM
bump...so lazy.

Blue Aurora
7th April 2006, 5:15 AM
Bring
Up
My
Post

Demy
10th April 2006, 9:19 AM
um, Blue Auroar when is Chapter 2 coming up ?
4/5 score

indigestible_wad
10th April 2006, 5:04 PM
I remember this story from before. I believe this was the one about the humans who turned into beldum and one took over and became a metang. I'm glad to see that you're attemting to remake this.

Blue Aurora
2nd September 2006, 1:58 PM
um, Blue Auroar when is Chapter 2 coming up ?
4/5 score
When I get time, and when I'm not in a lazy mood.