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Kiyohime
4th May 2005, 6:08 AM
If you're a Christian/Catholic/whatever who gets offended by everything from Spongebob to me calling Jesus Christ "Old Man Christ" then get the hell out of here. This isn't something you want to read. If you read this warning and read the story and still got offended, then you're a idiot. Enjoy the story. A free banner made by me goes to anyone who can guess what inspired this. :P

And no, I'm not religious. I also know this isn't my best work. But what I was most interesed in was the idea, so it's my fault. XP



Resumption


“She is dead!”

The triumphant cry spread among the frenzied throngs of people in the street like a tidal wave, hands thrust upwards and hats being hurled into the air as the people roared and stamped their feet.

“She is dead!”

The cry was repeated again and again, thundering through the city in its blaze of glory.

She is dead

Trumpets bugled, and drums beat furiously, celebrating a glorious victory.

She is dead

Confetti exploded from the windows of upper-story skyscrapers, swirling down to the crowds far below like vibrantly colorful snow. The city was reverberating in its revelry.

The Interloper is dead

Towering high above the exulting masses, thrusting into the sky was a vast wooden cross, its surface pitted and greasy with age.

Splayed out at the junction of the cross was a frail, broken body. Its clear eyes, so blue as to reflect the sky. Once, they had been bright and lively; but now they were glazed over in the misty shrouds of death. The tiny, pink body was lashed to the cross by taut, twined rope, its tiny arms grotesquely nailed to the wood. Its legs drooped awkwardly, intertwined together. A thin stream of blood flowed from both wounds in its paws when iron spikes had been driven through; staining the wood red.

She is dead

She is dead

The Interloper is dead.

The last of the cheers died away, and the crowd’s eyes and ears attentively turned to the podium that had been constructed at the base of the cross.

A gaunt man stood at the podium, his eyes bright and wild; and he was clad in nought but tattered rags. The man cleared his throat and raised his hands in an evocative gesture.

“My dear little brothers and sisters in Christ.”

The audience was dead silent now. All eyes and ears were on the speaker.

“I feel,” the man said reflectively, “that I know almost everyone in the Good Book personally. I love the story, and I love the players in that story. I have walked arm in arm with Old Man Christ.”

A small rustle ran through the audience.

“I knew Old Man Christ. I knew all the players in the story. I have known and loved them. There is only one”-he held up a finger-”only one player in the greatest of all dramas that I do not know.

“Only one who stands outside with her face in the shadows.

“Only one who makes my body tremble and my spirit quail.

“I fear her. I don’t know her mind, and I fear her.

“I fear the Interloper.”

A soft sigh in the crowds. One of the women had put a hand over her mouth as if to stop a sound and was rocking, rocking.

“The Interloper who came to Eve as a Seviper on its belly in the dust, grinning and writhing. The Interloper who walked among the Children of Israel while Moses was up on the Mount, and whispered to them to make a golden idol, a golden Miltank calf, and to worship it with foulness and fornication.”

Moans, nods.

“The Interloper!

“She hovered and laughed as Babel fell into ruin. She who is foul and evil. Oh, my little brothers and sisters, watch thou for the Interloper.”

The crowd’s silent faces all looked as one to the sad, broken corpse hanging from the cross.

“Yes. O Jesus-” A man moaned, and drew a cross in the air.

“But now she is dead! The Interloper is dead, dead. Who could understand the awful darkness that swirls there, the madness! The gibbering madness that walks and crawls and wriggles through man’s most awful wants and desires?”

“O Jesus Savior-”

“It was her that whispered to Jesus and took him up on the mountain-”

“Yes-”

“It was her that tempted him and showed him all the world and the world’s pleasures-”

”Yesss-”

“It was her that had Man worship the foulest beasts of Creations-to catch them and battle them raise them and to profit from their pain-”

”Yesss-”

Rocking and sobbing, the audience became a sea; the man seemed to point at all of them and none of them.

“Ahhhhhh-”

“Ah, God-”

“Gawwwwwwwwwwwww-”

“It is her that stands for the evil that still lies among us today! The unnatural creatures of fire and sea, wind and thunder, stone and wood. Her! The Interloper!”

“Yes, Lord!” The audience was screaming. A man fell his knees, holding his head and braying.

“When you throw a capture-ball, who carries it aloft?”

”The Interloper!”

“When you capture the foul beasts and train them to fight, who looks upon you and laughs?”

”The Interloper!”

“When you profit from the unnatural bond between the foul beasts and man, when you pollute yourself with them, to whom do you sell your soul?”

”In-”

“ter-”

“Oh, Jesus...Oh-”

”-loper-”

”Aw...Aw....Aw....”

“What is this?” The man roared, and thrust a finger at Mew’s corpse. The wailing crowd answered in a single raw, oozing whisper.

“Foulness! An abomination to God! She is dead! She is dead! Long live the Christ! She is dead!”

Silence came back in, filling jagged spaces.

The man slammed his fist down, and the bang was heard throughout the silent, full streets.

“We have gone into perdition,” the man whispered, his voice hoarse, “but we can change. We can cleanse ourselves, we can be purified.”

A single voice shot at him from the crowd.

“How?”

The voice was eager and frenzied, lusting for the answer. The man’s face split into a grin, one of utter malevolent glee.

“We must go and cleanse the land of its sins. We must bestow the judgment of Christ upon the wretched souls of the abominations. We must go now. Judgment Day has come, and the streets will run with the blood of sinners. We must erase the Interloper’s children.”

Judgment Day has come

High above them, the broken body of Mew continued to stare lifelessly at the sky.

Twilight Absol
4th May 2005, 6:18 AM
Wow....why is mew always evil in your fic, but it seems as if mankind is even crueler...
I like this tangled up bunch of Pokemon and the Bible...it gives it a weird sensation...

BTW, are you back? and....I thought your banners were always free >.>


As for what its based off of, I'm guessing the Hatred some chrsitians has against pokemon, saying it is truly evil and leading the children astray...

Kiyohime
4th May 2005, 6:20 AM
My banners are always free, but for the moment I don't make them unless on specific request. XD I am just waving a carrot. And I never said Mew was evil; it was mankind that regards her as evil. Like how uneducated people who watched The Passion of the Christ thought "OMGWTFBBQQ JEWISH PEOPLE ARE EVIL111!!1111!!"

EDIT: I'm not quite back, sadly. :<

purple_drake
4th May 2005, 6:30 AM
Wow... this is interesting on a lot of levels.
The title of 'Interloper', I'm guessing was given to Mew because so many people consider Mew to be the 'Creator' of the pokemon world, thus usurping God's rightful position as the one true God. Which is why mankind wanted to kill her, and thus destroy the pokemon.
And I never saw Mew as evil; I saw her as... misrepresented.
^.^ great!

Flaming Lip
4th May 2005, 9:57 PM
I guess you gave it away... Was it 'The Passion of Christ' that inspried it? I never watched it (Heard it sucked, besides Me=Agnostic).

Anyways twas good, in honesty it was (by your standerds) sub-par, but in more general standerds it was good.


A man fell his knees, holding his head and braying.

I think you mean praying... Edit: Sorry no that is a word, just a very uncommon one, (atleast in America it is...)

Well it was nice to read some of your work for a change... Twas getting bored of the other stuff that I am a reviewer for.

Negrek
5th May 2005, 1:37 AM
Well, this was certainly an interesting read. I've never read a fanfic where the bible and pokémon collide in this way before. It certainly makes sense, however, and I think that you worked very well with the idea.

I especially liked the section where you juxtaposed the crowd's response with the leader-prophet-dude's speech, as I thought that it was an excellent way to build tension as you worked up to the climax. One phrase sorta threw me, though...the part where the crowd goes "Gawww..." It just seems like a sorta weird onomatopoeic thing, like those strange people in the games who go "Kukukuku" and stuff. I thought maybe that they were saying "God" but really long and drawn-out-like, but...dunno. Bleh, I just think that maybe something else would be better there.

In general, I think you did well in sentence construction; artful use of syntax was very well done in the second section of your story, and I believe it's very important to a successful one-shot, as you have to compress a lot of tone into a small package, generally.

Despite this, commas seemed to not like you as much during the first section...there were a couple of errors I noticed in this vein...


Trumpets bulged, and drums beat furiously, celebrating a glorious victory.

Well, trumpets don't bulge (if our trumpet section bulged, it would be funny, though. Maybe their playing would improve XD), normally...I think you mean "bugled," yes? Also, the comma directly after the word is incorrect...it turns the sentence into a comma splice.


Its clear eyes, so blue as to reflect the sky.

Fragment. Its clear eyes, so blue as to reflect the sky, did *what*?



A gaunt man stood at the podium, his eyes bright and wild; and he was clad in nought but tattered rags.

Here we have overpunctuation. Either remove the "and" conjunction or chop the semicolon down to a comma.

So, yeah, on the whole pretty clean and well-portrayed. It's interesting that the bible actually exists in this story while the characters more or less act out one of its scenes; it's a sort of "history repeats" sort of thing, only since the history in this world is slightly different, it's almost not. A sort of metaphor, but only half-so. Very interesting...

lilbluecorsola
5th May 2005, 1:45 AM
Interesting...

I'm not religious at all, I've never even read a story directly from the Bible, only heard of them. The only one I know to some extent is the story of Noah's Ark. o.o

Therefore, I really don't understand the concept of the story at all. (Goodness, why is everyone making allusions in their fics nowadays? I don't know what you people are talking about! T.T)

Still, it was nice. Description was good for a semi-short fic.

Eh, yeah. Not much else I can say...

Kiyohime
5th May 2005, 2:30 AM
Bulged was another term for blaring, or so I thought...it is very uncommon, but I am positive that was the correct term.

As for "Gaaaw", I imagined the entire crowd sighing 'God' in one long drawn-out moan, and the sound gets distorted, I imagine.

Thank you for your review, Negrek. ^^ It was very appreciated.

Also, thank you to Purple Drake, Lilbluecorsola and the lucky little sonovabyatch who has a signed CD by Pink Floyd. Scrap hates you. T_T

PsiUmbreon
5th May 2005, 2:42 AM
umm... wow? O_O so... violent... *is speechless and has nothing more to say*

Scratch that... ya know that Mew is neutral gender right? sorry just had to point that out, I get tired of people calling legendaries male or female, when they don't have a gender. Just because something's cute and pink doesn't automatically make it female ya know...

well, actually I guess you had to since "She is dead" gives more emotion, more personification, than "It is dead" so aah forget it.

Negrek
5th May 2005, 2:43 AM
Nope, mah dictionary agrees with me. It stands thus...


bulged, bulging, bulge--(vt) to cause to curve outward. --(vi) to grow larger: SWELL

Or, as I like to put it, "to get fatter."

As opposed to bugling...


bu-gled, -gling, -gles: 1. To play a bugle. 2. To give forth a deep, prolonged sound similar to the bay of a hound.

I agree, "bugling" is not commonly seen. Probably wherever you read it before you mentally mixed up the "l" and "g"...I've done that before...*stabs "chagrinned"*

indigestible_wad
5th May 2005, 2:50 AM
Stupid idiot religious peoples. How dare you. Yeah, that's all I got.

I really enjoyed reading this, as I haven't read anything from you in a while. I find it interesting how you put christianity against pokemon in a story. It reminds me how blatantly people will follow another if he waves the religious flag in their faces.

The god versus mew theory was interesting as well, two creators in one world, both contradict each other, so one must go. Although if you think about it, if mew is considered the creator in the pokemon world, wouldn't the idea of god never have occurred to people?

Flaming Lip
5th May 2005, 2:50 AM
*sniff* you hate me? *sniff* it was a book not a C.D. Nick Mason signed a copy of the book he wrote. I'd be in a hospital due to a heart attack if all of Pink Floyd (including my hero, Roger Waters, ex- Pink Floyd bassist) signed it...

Anyways sorry for thinking this one-shot was sub-par, I just think it was not as good as Malice or your other works, tis still good.


*sniff* I thought we was friends, but you hate me?! *snif* PORKUA!!!666(tis very fitting)763732!!!

Kiyohime
5th May 2005, 3:35 AM
Maybe if you gave me an autograph...*coughpokenudge* PINK FLOYD fan here. X3

PsiUmbreon, thank you for commenting, I haven't spoken to you in a while! I must disagree with your comment; however. Mew was genderless in the games, true, but authors should be free to use creative application.

Negrek: THANK YOU. *murderizes spelling error* Spellcheck didn't catch that, apparently. XP

Flaming Lip
5th May 2005, 3:48 AM
You know consirding Nick Mason was doing signings in Britin first you could have gotten it signed somewhere... I think...

Yeah, I always pictured Mew as a girl, and since Scrap is the Godess of what she writes, you can't complain...

Isis
28th July 2005, 2:49 AM
Wow, that was amazing. I love the pokemon-our world mixes that you do ^^

Can I guess that this is based off of the DaVinci Code? =B

IceKing
28th July 2005, 3:08 AM
I've been scared to read this fic since I am somewhat religous, but I decided heck why not and just read it, clutching the arm of my chair tightly. In the end, I didn't mind too much since This one shot has done something that no other fic ever had done and that is too truly terrify me. I was scared to my wits when you described the bloody corpse of Mew and when I heard the audience respond to the preacher (those types of christians always frightened me...) I really loved how you mixed pokemon and the bible (funny thing is that if pokemon realyl existed, im sure extreme religous people would be against them), but poor poor Mew. I'm using as much of my brain as possible, but I cant really think of critisim. Thats a great thing! Only thing is that the seperated dialogue kinda turned me off. I wonder if the fear Im fearing right now is a fraction of the fear that Jesus's followers felt when he was crucified...

Eso
14th November 2005, 10:09 PM
Scratch that... ya know that Mew is neutral gender right? sorry just had to point that out, I get tired of people calling legendaries male or female, when they don't have a gender. Just because something's cute and pink doesn't automatically make it female ya know...

Technically, Angels are genderless. However, in the Bible they are represented as males. Thus falling out of heaven to go off with human women was "unnatural" and considered evil.
Reasoning: Angels have life eternal. Their numbers never decrease, and thus reproduction isn't needed. The only thing genders are needed for is reproduction, making it kind of pointless for them.

I would suppose it's something similiar with legendaries. Most wouldn't have a real gender, but would be represented as either male or female. If they need to I guess they would reproduce asexually. I dunno, though. Maybe I'm reading into this too much.

ACTUAL comment: smhfdjagfejgyAWESOME. I love stories that deal with religion. One shots are no exeption. Sorry I can't be of real use. I'm not very good at reviews.

PS: I go to Church occasionally, but I'm pretty close to being an atheist.

El hariyamer
15th November 2005, 3:29 PM
Lucifer is male, I know. So are many of the evil ones. And technically most of the archangels have male names. Generally, male is the preferred gender up there, since females were supposed to be an afterthought.

Also, many of the legendaries already have an established gender by most. The game never said they were genderless, just that they couldn't reproduce so as to prevent people from legendary overusage.

As for the story, I am religious and read religious stories sometimes and this is pretty good for a one shot. Some obscure words inside though.