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lewdon12no2
24th May 2005, 9:42 AM
Episode 1: The Pidgtek Chaos.

So finally, the team: May, Brock Max and of course Ash.
They were all on a ship on their way to Sabatoa, an island that holds many Pokemon, that only appear in this region.
"So this ship takes us to Bellocca Town on the south coast," Said Brock.
"I cant wait, there are so many more pokemon and badges," Reminded Ash.
"Are there any Pokemon contests?" asked May.
"Yes, but it's different, if you want to get in, you have to do somthing," Told Brock.
"What?" Said May.
"Thats the thing, you have to go there to find out," Remarked Brock.

Just then a bird hit their cabin window and fell to the ground, the team ran outside and saw the bird was a pokemon, but not one they had seen before.
It's wings curved inwards and ended sticking up in the air to a tail, its head shaped like the Popes hat and it was competely white with blue scars coming out of it's eyes.
"Oh no, i dont have a Pokedex, how do i know what this pokemon is?" Said Ash.
Just then, the Captain came up.
"Thats a Pidgtek the white Pidgen Pokemon, it can swim, fly and stand, but cannot walk," He Said.

"Oh no, it's feet are bent backwards," Screamed May.
"Dont worry, thats what their feet are ment to do, to make them swim better," the Sailor said.
It's feet were orange and triangle pointing in the wrong direction.
Just then, a whole flock of Pidgtek's came focking in, and a giant one at the front only with a long neck.
"Oh no a Swandle!" Screamed the Captain.
The Swandle then wrapped it's legs all the way around it's body just like it's legs were elastic.
"Swandle can walk, walk on water," Said the captain.
"Wow!" Sighed the team.
Just then Swandle dropped the Pidgtek and trew feathers at it.
"Featherdance!" Yelled Brock.
Just then a net tightened around the Swandle and Team Rocket came out and did their motto.
"Hey let it go!" Yelled Ash.
"I'll hanle this, go Magnebot," And a pokeball went flying out of the captains hand.
A pokemon that looked like Magnemites, robot form came out with 3 magnet like hands, Magnemites magnets sticking out of it's head like horns and one eye.
"Magnebot, Electric Blast now!" Yelled the captain, and a huge solid cylynder of electricity came out of it's head struck the balloon and came down the Swandle.

Team roket left and Swandle left, without the Pidgtek.
"Swandle only leaves a pidgtek if it thinks the Pidgtek is ready to find a trainer," Commented the Captain.
And for some reason it came to Ash, he didn't have a Pokeball so it just hovered above Ashes head.

"Thanks today," Said Ash to the captain.
"Don't mention, and by the way, the ship will dock at 4.30am tomorrow," Replied the captain.
"4.30AM!" Yelled May, she got over it.

So Ash has his first Pokemon, What is the thing behind the Pokemon Contest, and what favourite Pokemon will die before Ash in the series (Its not Pikachu or Pidgtek).

Korimura
25th May 2005, 2:17 AM
New pokemon? Well so far, I'm not getting where this is going, and you need more description. Quit the capatalizations after the second quotaion, You have to describe the new pokemon. Remember, none of the readers are know what you are thinking when you write about a Pidgtek or a Swandle.

lewdon12no2
25th May 2005, 1:40 PM
New pokemon? Well so far, I'm not getting where this is going, and you need more description. Quit the capatalizations after the second quotaion, You have to describe the new pokemon. Remember, none of the readers are know what you are thinking when you write about a Pidgtek or a Swandle.
Well ok i'll try but really, i looked into my head and described the pokemon as best i can, i mean if you want me to describe the pokemon better, what else did you want to know?

lewdon12no2
25th May 2005, 2:27 PM
Episode 2: Cal of the Bellocca.
The ship docked in Port Bellocca.
The town was bigger than expected, not many tall buildings, but was very spread out.
The thing was that really strange was that there was no Pokemon.
"We need to get to the Observatory Hill Laboratory," said Brock.
"And where's that?" asked Ash.
"Well i don't know, but that hill over their looks like the perfect place to hold a laboratory," said Brock.
A huge hill stuck out above the buildings so it was easy to follow.
Once they got there they were flabogasted, the whole complex was made of glass with 4 metallic bars all meeting at the top like the Australian Parliment house and at the top, a huge metallic Pokeball bearing the words "OBSERVATORY HILL POKECOMPLEX".
The complex was huge like a small town, made out of glass.
"Should we go in?" asked May.
"Sure!" said Ash.
They went in and asked for directions from the help desk.
"Through the doors down there and through Cellar 1," said the lady.
"Thankyou Ma'am" said Ash.
Not knowing what Cellar 1 was, the team just kept walking untill they saw an electrical door in the centre of the building.
They walked through and found 3 greenhouses all marked 1, 2 and 3.
"The one with the 1 on it looks like it," said Max.
They walked in and there was Professor Cal.
"You must be Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town right" he said.
"Yeah, and these are my friends May, Max and Brock" said Ash.
But as they all were saying their hi's, a man knocks over Ash and knocks him out.
TO BE CONTINUED..........
(Unfortunatley i cannot continue this story tonight because it's 10.00pm ACST (Australian Central Standard Time) so i have to watch Law & Order: SVU (Family time) so seeya

lewdon12no2
27th May 2005, 11:31 AM
...
Ash woke up and a man with Gary's hair only blue was rambling through a shelf marked "Cirplash", it was full of Pokeball's.
"Where's a good one?" the man said.
"They're all the same," said Prof. Cal.
He rummaged through the shelves until he knocked a Pokeball off and a Pokemon came out.
It was round blue with a thing around it's body like Lotads leaf, and 2 flowers one red and one blue sticking out on a stem out of his head.
"Cirplash" it said.
"I'll take it" the man said, putting the Pokemon in the Pokeball.
The man was about to run off until Ash stopped him.
"Hey, you need to pay for that," said Ash.
"Hey kid get out of the way" said the man.
"Who are you anyway?" asked Max.
"My name is Trey," he said.
He then struggled and got away.
Just then Team Rocket entered the Complex.
"So this is where you get the Pokemon," said Jessie.
"We could be on a gold mine Jessie!" blurted James.
By then Cal was about to show the Pokemon but first had given Ash 6 Pokeballs one going towards Pidgtek.
"Here are the Pokemon," he said.
He realeased a Pokemon that was made entirely of leaves, face, ears, legs, feet, claws, body and tail.
"This is Fleaf, the flat leaf Pokemon it is a grass type," he said.
He let out another Pokemon, it was a cat with asterix like whiskers and tail tip, other than them, it was red.
"This is the Spark Kitten, Sparkitty, it is a fire type," Cal said.
The last Pokemon was a Cirplash.
After a while the team came to a conclusion of who will have what Pokemon.

Ash got the Fleaf, May the Sparkitty and Brock the Cirplash.
As they walked out Team Rocket did their motto and started chaos.
"What do you want?" asked Ash.
"What we alway's want, Pokemon," said Jessie.
"Pikachu, this should be easy, they dont have any pokemon" said Ash.
"Oh, no, Meowth use Scrach" said Jessie.
But before Meowth could strike Pikachu blasted them out of the door.
Everyone looked at him.
"Uh, sorry," said May and they ran.

"Now where do we go Brock?" asked Max.
"We head towards Leeloop Town and the best way is through Cockle Forest," said Brock.
"Oh, no a forest," said May.
And they walked off.
TO BE CONTINUED.....

lewdon12no2
28th May 2005, 5:14 AM
It was 4 hours sinse Ash and the team got out of Bellocca Town when Ash realised somthing.
"Hey, Prof. Cal didn't give us our Pokedex's," said Ash.
"Well, according to this book, we get them from the Technolodge which is just down the road," said Brock.
And it was.
It was more like a lab with a lodge door.
"I guess this is it," said Max.
"Yeah, lets go in," said May.
They knocked and a man came out.
"Hello, my names Ty, what can i do you for?" said the man.
"Hi, were here--," said Ash.
But before he could finish the man finished the sentence.
"For a Pokedex, sure come on in," said Ty.
"Gostapilar, go lead my friends here to some Pokedex's," he then said.
A small white streamer came out of the table, it was a Pokemon, a ghost caterpillar with a small 'ghosttail' at the end.
"This here" said Ty, whilst walking down a row of electronics, "is a Gostapilar, see, if you touch it your hands will fall right through!" he said.
Ash tried and his hand fell right through.
"Wow, cool," he said.
"If it fly's through a gravestone it evolves to a," he stoped as a Pokemon came screaming down the isle.
It looked like a Metapod crossed with The Thing on the fantastic 4.
"Rockcoon," said the Pokemon.
"That is a Rockoon," said Ty.
Ash tried to put his hand through the Rockcoon but failed.
"That Pokemon however is a solid, with a crusty outside and an inside made out of granite" said Ty.
Team rocket was listening.
"Made out of granite huh!" said Meowth.
"That could be a fortune and the boss will pay us heaps," said James.
"We must steal it," said Jessie.
And they all agreed.
"Hey what does Rockcoon evolve into?" asked May.
"Well, if it evolves in the nightime it evolves into Spiritry" he said as he unleashed Spiritry.
It was all purple, with ears reaching to its tail and ghostly wings and a Haunter- like face.
"But if it evolves in the daytime it evolves into Angelye,"
And Pokemon came out.
It was yellow and had a halo, a face like Venemoth and and wings like harps.
"Hey, it has harps as wings," said Ash.
"Yeah," said Ty.
Just then Spiritry and Angelye got into a fight.
Spiritry launched Shadow Ball and then Angelye's harp strings started to glow and replica's of them went speeding to Spiritry and blew up once they hit him.
"The Harp String Attack," said Max.
Just then Spiritry formed a grey substance in it's mouth and blew it out like a Flamethrower and as it passed the isle went comletely dark on one side.
And then Angelye formed the same substance as Spiritry in front of it's mouth but only it was glowing white and illuminating the other side of the isle with a blinding force.
"Oh, no Daytime Blast and Nightime blast, two very powerful attacks and only Spiritry and Angelye know's them," said brock.
......

Aldrai
28th May 2005, 6:20 AM
New pokemon? Well so far, I'm not getting where this is going, and you need more description. Quit the capatalizations after the second quotaion, You have to describe the new pokemon. Remember, none of the readers are know what you are thinking when you write about a Pidgtek or a Swandle.

Er... I agree. Aside from the fact that your entire story is abysmally short, composed almost entirely of full-stops (ie. Ash ran away. He was crying. Pikachu ran after him.), it's in a new region -- nothing new, really. People think of a word and a tree and there you are, a particularly lousy fanfiction with little to no description. I noticed some spelling errors as well, just to make you feel better.

The guy jumping in and knocking him out was... really random and annoying. u_u; There was also no reason for Ash and Co. to start a new journey, without mention of the Hoenn region. And obviously the professor wasn't that upset that his laboratory was broken into, because nearly directly afterwards he gave the trio their pokemon. o _o;

lewdon12no2
28th May 2005, 10:05 AM
Er... I agree. Aside from the fact that your entire story is abysmally short, composed almost entirely of full-stops (ie. Ash ran away. He was crying. Pikachu ran after him.), it's in a new region -- nothing new, really. People think of a word and a tree and there you are, a particularly lousy fanfiction with little to no description. I noticed some spelling errors as well, just to make you feel better.

The guy jumping in and knocking him out was... really random and annoying. u_u; There was also no reason for Ash and Co. to start a new journey, without mention of the Hoenn region. And obviously the professor wasn't that upset that his laboratory was broken into, because nearly directly afterwards he gave the trio their pokemon. o _o;

LETS SEE YOU DO BETTER!!!

Torkoal Stu
28th May 2005, 10:12 AM
Calm down. :@ But it is kinda short. and it need description and Ash or anybody would say Professor not Prof.

But you obvisously hate constructive critisum so i'll just go now *leaves* but its ok. And everythign else that has been said is kinda true.

Trinx
28th May 2005, 1:18 PM
Vague Description, alot of dialouge, short chapters, and everything else everyone said above incase I missed anything. And mostly the dialogue was for nearly 2/3 of the chapters, and mostly it had "Said [Name]." Boring.
Try to use other words than said, maybe exclaim, announce, stated, etc.
I dunno what happened though, in the first chapter you was using alot of variations other then said, Remark, Told, etc, but when you started the second chapter it went mostly to said.

lewdon12no2
30th May 2005, 10:23 AM
Vague Description, alot of dialouge, short chapters, and everything else everyone said above incase I missed anything. And mostly the dialogue was for nearly 2/3 of the chapters, and mostly it had "Said [Name]." Boring.
Try to use other words than said, maybe exclaim, announce, stated, etc.
I dunno what happened though, in the first chapter you was using alot of variations other then said, Remark, Told, etc, but when you started the second chapter it went mostly to said.

Sorry, i'll try!

lewdon12no2
30th May 2005, 10:25 AM
Calm down. :@ But it is kinda short. and it need description and Ash or anybody would say Professor not Prof.

But you obvisously hate constructive critisum so i'll just go now *leaves* but its ok. And everythign else that has been said is kinda true.

I think i can do that.

lewdon12no2
30th May 2005, 10:51 AM
I'm sorry for losing my cool, but could you limit your 'sugesstions' please.
Anyway, I'm going to try the new sugestions in this part.

Suddenly, the attacks collided.
"Look, their starting to tire out," shouted Ash.
"So, the attacks have a mind of their own, they are still effective at least 2 hours after," explained Ty.
The attacks just sat there in mid- air.
"I know, Rockcoon, use Strength," yelled Ty.
Rockcoon, then picked up an empty shelf and threw it at the ball.
It exploded, throwing Ty, May, Max, Brock and Ash out into the gloomy office, also throwing Rockoon and Gostapilla into a shelf at the back of the isle and throwing Spiritry through the wall and Angelye fell on one of the shelves.
Just at that moment, Team Rocket came and stole the Rockcoon.
"Hey what are you doing, leave that Rockcoon alone, what do you want him for?" blurted Ash.
"We heared it was made of granite!" explained Jessie.
"Hey Gostapilla, use Solid Cut" told Ty.
At that moment Gostipillar sliced through the net and Rockcoon was free!
"Hey hang on, if Gostapillar cannot be touched, how can it slice rope?" asked Ash.
"Well when you cut bread you cut it with a knife right!" explained Ty.
"Right," replied Ash.
"Well for some reason, Gostapillar can just act that way for some reason, it must have somthing to do with the attack," explained Ty.
"Hey, were waiting," said James.
And at that moment Rockcoon used Rock Throw.
"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!!" screamed Team Rocket.

Afterwards Gostapilla was praised and ran through a grave stone that Ash didn't notice before.
At that moment, Gostapillar grew white, then changed shape.
Gostapilla was evolving.
Gostapilla evolved into Rockcoon!
"Wow, we actually saw a Gostipilla evol--" but before Ash finished the Gostapilla that is now a Rockcoon, evolved again into an Angelye.
And then came evening, and Rockcoon evolved into Spiritry.
For some reason, unlike the tradition, Angelye and Spiritry were actually playing together.
"Hang on, how can a Spiritry and an Angelye be friends, it's not natural," Pointed out Ash.
"I don't know but my best guess was it was because Rockcoon evolved in the evening and not night," said Brock.
"Yeah, that has to be it," agreed Max and May.

Afterwards, Ty returned the 'original' Spiritry and Angelye and Ash and May got their Pokedex's, which looked like a 3 mobile and when activated a small metallic popsick- like stick comes out and spreads into a semi- circle with a screen in the middle.
Ash locked in Fleaf, Pidgtek, Sparkatty, Cirplash, Angelye and Spiritry.

It was then time to go.
"Nice meeting you Ty," explained Ash and co.
"Why thankyou, i hope to see you again," said Ty gleefully.
And they left.

Team Rocket landed and found 2 new friends, one was a Pokemon that looked like a Venus Flytrap with flower bulbs for hands and as fat as Sunflora.
"What is it Jessie?" Asked James scared.
"It lookes like a Trappora," replied Jessie.
Just then a lizzard with a purple frill neck and a purple tail that spikes up into 2 spikes.
"A Lizenom," said Jessie.
Jessie caught the Lizenom and James the Trappora.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Trinx
30th May 2005, 11:30 AM
That's better, now you're starting to take constructive critisim, =).
Let's patch that up, shall we?


Suddenly, the attacks collided.

No after-effects, smoke? :P.



Suddenly, the attacks collided together, creating a mass of smoke, filling the area around them.

That could be a good start. Sometimes describing the after effects of a attack helps the reader understand the power of the attack, =).



"Look, their starting to tire out," shouted Ash.

hmm, maybe have Ash 'see' the tiredness of the pokemon, like this?



"Look, they're(they are) starting to tire out," shouted Ash, noticing the slight exhaustion of the two Pokemon.

Yes, that would do, =D.

lewdon12no2
31st May 2005, 9:04 AM
That's better, now you're starting to take constructive critisim, =).
Let's patch that up, shall we?

No after-effects, smoke? :P.


That could be a good start. Sometimes describing the after effects of a attack helps the reader understand the power of the attack, =).


hmm, maybe have Ash 'see' the tiredness of the pokemon, like this?


Yes, that would do, =D.

Thankyou for correcting me, and i hope to do better in the future.

lewdon12no2
1st June 2005, 11:46 AM
Hi,

I thought, before someone gives me unwanted critisism, i thought i might clear up that "..." after an ending means that the episode is not done and to Trinx, i have to write "Said ..." some of the time!

Thats all for me, oh! And while im here i'll tell you what i'll next 2 Episodes are called and what they are about.

A DOLPHA TAIL.
After Ash and co. get attacked by a family of Nintree's, an ingured Dolpha helps them out so Ash desides to heal the Dolpha's tail.
Will Ash and Dolpha get too attached?

THE TRAPPORA ATTACK
After an episode free from Team Rocket they finally meet Team Rocket, with new Pokemon (with T.R that is!).

Lewdon12no2
Thread Manager

lewdon12no2
4th June 2005, 4:33 AM
Ash and the gang finally reaches the Cockle Forest, trying to get through it as fast as possble.
Then from out of nowhere a small green and brown blur shot across Ash's face.
"What was that?" asked Ash stunned.
"I don't know it was to fast," pointed May.
Then it happened again behind them but this time there was 2 blurs.
"What keeps doing that?" asked Ash.
"I'm guessing it's a Pokemon," guessed Max.
"Well, if we keep walking, maybe it will stop bothering us," exclaimed May.
But they kept coming and the numbers of blurs were starting to grow.
Then, Ash couldn't take it.
"WHAT ARE YOU?" shouted Ash.
And then one of the blurs fell to the ground and the Pokemon was revealed.
It was a small tree- like Pokemon with 3 branches on it's head meeting at the top and spreading out a little bit afterwards into 3 3-d leaves, its arm was made of a branch and fingers was made out of 2 3-d leaves, and virtually the rest was plain branches.
Ash decided to look it up in the Pokedex.

"Nintree, the fighting tree Pokemon, it is a grass type Pokemon but the toughness in it's leaves are able to chop through 2cm of concrete in one go."
With this log, Ash felt a bif freaked, and to make matter's worse a whole more jumped out of the trees.
"Huh, this isn't scary, it's just a chance to train Pokemon," thought Ash, gaining confidence.
He then sent out Fleaf.
"Fleaf, Razor Leaf," shouted Ash.
"Fleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," yelled the Fleaf as it was commencing the attack.
The Razor Leaf but just sprung off it and the Nintree's leaves started to glow and before they knew it, the leaves sprang off and new ones grew in their place.
The leaves hit and knocked out Fleaf.
"Flea, Flea," muttered Fleaf.
"Oh, no," said Ash.
He was angry at the Nintree's, so as they stated to run off, hen ran off with them, Pikachu and the rest following.
"Ash, no we have to get out of the forest as fast as possible!" reminded May.
But Ash wouldn't stop, until he tripped.
Ash was angry for a second because he let them get away, but to his suprise the Nintree's were gathered around a lake with their leaves lit up.
"Now Pikachu, Thunder," yelled Ash.
A huge bolt of light came out of Pikachu and onto the Nintree's, but nothing happened.
Just then a small shadow in the water came quickly near the shore.
The Nintree's subsided and looked around apon the lake.
All of a sudden, a small, dolphin- like creature came out of the water.
It was oval shaped, no bigger than a portable TV, blue, a green pattern going from his eye's and halfway up it's body.
The Pokemon then used a tremendous Hydro Pump, making the Nintree's scatter.
Ash was suprised how powerful that Hydo Pump was coming out of such a small creature, which comes to Ash's next question...
"What is that?" said a confused Ash.
He pulled out the Pokedex:
"Dolpha, the Dolphin Pokemon, despite it's size, Dolpha can cause large amounts of water to come out of it's mouth because it's body generate's 5 litre's of water per second. Because of that, Dolpha may unintentionaly gush out water at any given moment."
"Wow,fascinating" Said Ash.
"Yeah but what the Pokedex didn't tell you is that Dolpha stands on it's tail," pointed out Brock.
Ash looked at the Dolpha which was sitting on it's stomach.
"But it's not standing on it's tail so it's alright," said Ash.
"Yes, but it's ment too!" informed Brock.
So the team went to check on it.
"Dolpha's tail is badly bruised," told May.
"Maybe it's a Pokemon, trying to weaken the tail, after all the tail is the strongest part on a Dolpha's body" informed Brock again.
"Yeah, but another Pokemon wouldn't know that," corrected Ash. "It must have been a person."
Ash put the Dolpha back into the water so it could swim to the cave back at the other side of the lake, Ash figured that was it's home.

When they got to the cave, Brock immidiatly tried to heal it and Ash tried to think who hurt the Dolpha.
"Who would be so cruel?" questioned Ash.
"Maybe it was Team Rocket," suggested Max.
"No, they're always following us not skipping ahead," replied Ash.
Just then a huge crashing noise was heard, and then another, and another, and another, then a small brown rock pokemon with a peble sticking out of it's head and fangs like Granbulls only a little smaller appeared after a few stalagmites came crashing down.
"What the?" questioned Ash.
Then a boy walked out, it was Trey!
"You like my new Pebloy?" asked Trey.
Ash looked it up:
"Pebloy, the Pebble Boy being a rock it is very strong, it can throw a small boulder half the distance a bullet can go and can crush through 10cm thick rock at a time," said the Pokedex.
"I asked you a question, and i expect an answer!" warned Trey.
Ash was impressed.
"It may be cool, but can it win to a Pokemon battle?" threatened Ash.
"We'll see about that," replied Trey.
"Go Pidgtek," yelled Ash.
And Pidgtek came out.
"Pah, we'll beat your bird, hasn't anyone told you about Type Matchups," said Trey.
"Hey Ash, maybe Trey was the one who injured this Dolpha," alarmed May.
Ash was mortified as Trey smiled.
"Well, it's my technique, harm it's strong points then go for the kill!" smirked Trey.
"How dare you!" yelled Ash angered.
He then let out his Fleaf.
"Oh, you want a double battle, fine, go CIRPLASH!" shouted Trey and Cirplash came out.
Pidgtek used Featherdance on Cirplash, Pebloy used Pebble throw and it struck Pidgtek so Fleaf used Vine Whip on Pebloy but when it recovered it used Peble Trow again on Pidgtek, that knocked Pidgtek out.
"Well, we're down to 1 Pokemon eh, now it's just downhill from here," teased Trey.
"Hey this ain't over" yelled May, "Go SPARKITTY!"
"Hey!" yelled Trey mortified!
"Well we're on 1 and you on 2, it's only fair," explained May.
"No, this battle is between me and Ash, i've knocked out one Pokemon, now he's down to 1," complained Trey.
"Well, if you're so strong, you should be able to take on both of us," told May.
"Fine, have it your way, your going down!" smirked Trey.
Pebloy used Pebble Throw at Sparkitty and Fleaf used Razor Leaf, knocking the 2 pokemon into the corner.
"This is the part where you go down," laughed Ash.
"NO!" yelled Trey.
"Fleaf use Vine Whip on Cirplash," yelled Ash.
"Sparkitty, you use Ember on Pebloy," yelled May.
Despite the types, Pebloy faintes and so does Cirplash.
"No!" yelled Trey as he put the Pokemon back inside their Pokeball's.
"You'll pay Ketchum, you can keep the Dolpha," cried Trey.
"Yeah," screamed Ash and May.

Ash caught the Dolpha and they continued their journey.
TO BE CONTINUED......

lewdon12no2
25th June 2005, 8:29 AM
Could the people that view this thread please reply, i really don't want to start the next chapter without a reply.
Thanks,

Lewdon12no2
Thread Manager

lewdon12no2
26th June 2005, 12:52 PM
It looks like no one is coming to my thread so i may as well start the next chapter.

Ash and co. are walking down down the track when they ran into a sign.
"It say's 'Welcome to Leeloop Town," Called out Ash.
"Whaaaa...." they all gasped.
The town was small and looked depressing, it only had 2 houses in the front corners of the forest bald a small brocken down hut as a P.C and 2 small stalls in the back corners, in the middle a dried up pond and up a hill at the back of the town...
"A Restraunt!" they all shouted, they ran up the mountain, to the restraunt, and when they got in it, it looked just like the town, small and depressing.
As the team walked pass the drunk- like people, they hearded coments like-
"Have you challenged Cassidy of Rosenfurt City, she totally wiped me out,"
and-
"She's to impossible, they shouldn't allow people that strong to be the first,"

First of what? Who was Cassidy? In what way was she strong? Ash had heaps of questions so he went up to the counter to answer them until--
CCRRRAAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!

T.R came crashing through the wall with their Pokemon, Lizenom and Trappora and May and Ash looked it up on their Pokedex:
"Lizenom, the Poison Lizard Pokemon, if attacked, this Pokemon would usually run, very rarely does it stay to fight, Trappora, the Baby Venus Pokemon, the leave like teeth are very sharp and can severely damage a small Pokemon" said the Pokedex.
"Shut that thing up and hand over all the Pokemon in this place!" demanded James.
All the costomers were quite intimidated and ready to hand over their Pokemon, when Ash stepped forward.
"Try and make us!" warned Ash.
"Why, when we have a Super- Sucker!" laughed Jessie.
They bought out a machine with 2 tubes, turned it on and all the Pokeballs in the room were sucked up into the tube.
Ash was outraged and took action.
"Go Fleaf!" he yelled throwing out Fleaf.
"Fleaf, use Razor Leaf!" yelled Ash.
The Razor Leaf knocked Lizenom out, but Trappora was still going, and it was getting out of control.
"Trappora, c'mon, use Solarbeam!" yelled James, but the Trappora just ran around the restraunt, using Bite on peoples drinking glasses sending glass everywhere.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" everyone went chaos and started to run everywhere.
"Please, everyone sit down-- AAAHHH!" yelled the bargirl as Trappora knocked over a pyramid of wine glasses and jumped onto the oppisite bench and destroyed it by throwing all the wine bottles everywhere, knocking the signs off and breaking the table.
"Go Fleaf, used Razor Leaf!" orded Ash.
But as the leaves got closer Trappora uses Solarbeam and knocked the leaves out of the way and continued the Solarbeam along the windows destroying them and the tables.
The Trappora saw the bargirl go into her office and followed her.
"Oh no !" everyone yelled as they ran to the room.
The Trappora used Bite on all the objects in the room, sending small debris everywhere.
"Go, Pidgtek," screamed Ash, throwing the Pokeball.
"Pidgtek, use Gust!" ordered Ash, but that just caused more debris, and Traporra just used Solarbeam at the wall, creating a crack, and it squeezed through.
"Oh no, it's getting away!" alarmed Brock.
"Go Onix!" Brock screamed.
Earlier that year, Brock had traded his Foretress for his Onix.
"Onix, use Dig and try to stop that Traporra!" ordered Brock.
Onix went underground and followed the Trappora.
But the Trappora was up to something, it stopped and as Onix came out of the ground in front of the Trappora.
But the Trappora just used Solarbeam (GRASS-type being super effective against ROCK-type) knocking Onix out.
"Oh no, it's still on the loose," explained May.
"Someone has to stop it!" shouted Ash.
So they all ran, Ash, Max, May, Brock the Barlady and TR.
"Oh, Trappora, please stop! I'll give you chocolate!" yelled James.
"Stop it, your acting like my mother," Meowth exclamed.
"You don't have a mother," smirked Jessie.
"Oh, yeah, then where did i come from, i surely didn't come from my fathers -"
"Please, i didn't mean it that way," said a disgusted Jessie.
It started raining and the team had lost track of the Trappora.
"Hey, where did it go?" asked Ash.
But before anyone answered, they all slipped down a cliff.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed.
THUD!
They landed at the bottom, only to stare right into the face of the Trappora's face.
"Why is it standing like that?" asked Ash.
"I think Pokemon stand like that if they want a 1-1 battle!" explained Max.
"Well, if it wants a fight, BRING IT ON!!!" said a determined Ash.
"Go Fleaf," screamed Ash.
Even though the types were the same, Ash was certain he would win.
"Fleaf, use Razor Leaf," ordered Ash, but the Traporra just ate it.
"Oh no!" yelled May.
"Ok, that didn't work, use Vine Whip!" yelled Ash.
Trappora just chomped on the vines and ate them.
"Nothing's affective!" spluttered Brock.
"Hey, i've got an idea! Fleaf, use Solarbeam!" ordered Ash.
Fleaf used Solarbeam but one again, the Traporra ate it, but it looked like Ash had a plan.
The Trappora looked like it was going to attack, but then it froze, and some soot came out of it's ears and mouth, then fainted.
"What happened?" questioned Brock.
"When Traporra swallowed the Solarbeam, it scolded it from the inside," told Max.
"Traporra return!" demanded James as he took out a Pokeball.
"So, I think i get a thankyou?" asked Ash.
"Ok, fine, thankyou- for a twerp your not so- NOW!!" yelled James, and T.R grabbed Pikachu and ran.
"You are so lame," chuckled Ash.
And Pikachu gave them a zapping and they blasted off (again).
The barlady thanked them for their help restoring the restraunt, now looking more happier.
She revealed that they were building a new Leeloop Town over the hill and that Cassidy was the leader of the RosenfurtCity Gym.
And so they left.

TO BE CONTINUED...

lj07
16th July 2005, 9:31 AM
Good work
could of done better

lj07
17th July 2005, 4:44 AM
Im out to find the best trainer on emerald?

My team on Emerald is?

Gyerados lv46
Metagross lv63
Groudon lv70
Sceptile lv73
Kyogre lv74
Rayquaza lv76

Tell me your team?

By Lj07

PS: I will update any changes to my pokemon that includes lv cange, ok.

lewdon12no2
24th July 2005, 12:06 PM
Ok, that last Post could have been left to P.M or Signature but moving on- in this next segmant- May catches her second Pokemon of the Sabatoa Nation, Trietopps.

Ash and co. are continuing down the path still re- cooping from the chase of Trappora, calmly making their way towards Rosenfurt City.
"How far is it now Brock?" asked Ash.
"Hard to tell, there is still a few winds up ahead, approximatly 5km's!" answered Brock.
Everyone drooped anime style at the news.
But then they heard a distant rumbling.
And then from nowhere a whole herd of Purple Pokemon with 3 eyes (2 in the normal place and 1 above them), ears with 3 orbs in a triangle shape mounted on top of each other and an orb on it's tail.
"What are they?" asked May.
"I'll check," said Ash, pulling out his pokedex.
"Trietopps, the 4 legged pokemon, although cyclops are meant to stand on 2 legs, this little cyclops cross dog actually is stronger on it's 4 legs" the pokedex explained.
They then heard a scream.
"No, Trietopps- STOP!!" screamed out a boy as he came past.
"Should we help?" asked Brock.
"Yeah, lets go!" ordered Ash.
So the team ran after the boy and finally caught up to him and grabbed a net each.
"Here, just swing it around the Trietopps, they don't care," said the boy.
So the team started capturing the Trietopps 1 by 1, puting them in a pokeball that the boy gave them time after time.
After a huge battle the Trietopps were caught and returned to their original spot, which turned out to be a big paddocky farm with heaps of pens.
Ash wasn't surprised that the Trietopps got out, their pen was near the road and their fence was only 1 plank high.
"Have i introduced myself, i'm Allen, my dad's just going to train his Cytripple, would you like--" explained the boy, but was rudely interupted by Ash.
"Can we go see his Cytripple," demanded Ash.
"Sorry, I don't know where he went," replied the boy.
Brock, avoiding the bumbed out Ash who was arogantly bashing the tabe with his fist, was looking at May, who was eating her cookie alone on a blue chair.
Brock went over to her.
"Hey, whats wrong?" asked Brock.
"Oh, it's nothing you'll be intrested in," said May sulkily.
"No, i usually like to hear stories that are different to Ashes complaints," explained Brock as Ash started to make faces at him.
"Ok, when i saw that Trietopps, it looked so cute and so, well, protective, and now i find out it's a trainers Pokemon, i'm so upset!" sulked May.
Allen, who seemed to be overhearing it laughed.
"WHATS SO FUNNY!!!" screamed May.
"You can't honestly think that I and my dad could capture all of the Trietopps let alone all the Pokemon in the Paddocks could you?" joked Allen.
"What do you mean?" asked May more politer now.
"This is Allen and Aaron Foster Farm for Pokemon, if a trainer doesn't want his Pokemon but doesn't want to abandon it, you can take it here and another trainer can pick it up," explained Allen.
Once again, TR is eavesdropping.
'Hey why do we need to buy one, how about we steal one,' suggested James.
'Good thinking James, but how?' asked Meowth.
So they thought.
Meanwhile, May was picking her Trietopps.
'That one looks good, oh but this ones nice and big, but this one is cute,' she went.
'She's allways like this,' quoted Max.
'HEY SHUT UP!!!' spitted May.
Just then, Trappora came down and Solarbeamed the crew and Allen out of the way and TR stole all the Trietopps.
'AHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAH' laughed TR.
"You'll never get these back' snickered Meowth.
'We'll see about that!' said Ash and let out his Dolpha and Fleaf, Brock let out his Cirplash and May let out her Sparkitty.
'Fleaf use Razor Leaf and Dolpha use Water Gun' yelled Ash, but both attacks miss.
'Cirplash, use your Water Gun!' ordered Brock, again the attack missed.
'Sparkitty, use Ember!' screamed May, but you know, the attack missed.
'Yeah, seeya LOSERS!' yelled Jessie.
The team and Allen chased them down the road, the Pokemon using attacks that miss and holding hope that runs away.
'Ha, were unstoppable, no one can stop us now, not eve--' said and interuppted James.
A huge beam destroys the balloon and a huge, purple object goes and hurls the smoky comet down to Earth.
'What's that?' asked Ash, astounded.
'What you alway's wanted to see, my dads Cytripple.
'Woah!' exclaimed Ash.
'CYTRIPPLE, Finish them off with SOLARBEAM!' yelled Aaron.
The Cytripple let out a massive Beam and TR went blasting off!

'That was awesome, what a great Pokemon!' said an excited Ash.
'Thank You, took alot of training!' said Aaron.
May was playing with her all new Trietopps, also with her was her Sparkitty, which was successfully learning Fire Blast in the corner of the room.
'Whoa! Watch that Pokemon, it'll burn the place down!' laughed Allen.
'The key for great training' Aaron told Ash 'is to think, find your strategies and concentrate on winning. Don't let losing get your spirit down- it HAS to happen, it's nature, no ones perfect.'
'Hey, thanks for the advice- i'll try my best!' promised Ash.
'No problem,' replied Aaron.

The team left for their destination in Rosenfurt City, May got another Pokemon, and new friends were made.

TO BE CONTINUED.............

lewdon12no2
18th December 2005, 9:54 AM
Sorry about the lateness of episodes, lot of stuff going on!
School is over now so i can get some episodes out.

Lewdon12no2
Thread Manager

lewdon12no2
21st December 2005, 7:13 AM
It is now the 7th episode of the Sabatoa League- on the 12th episode we will find out what Pokemon that Ash loved so much die!
So the team is heading for Rosenfurt City, little do they know that they will be ambushed by the most strangest creature yet.

'Man, that place stank,' blurted Max.
'What place?' asked May, confused.
'That petting zoo where you got your Trietopps from!' shouted Max.
'Don't be so RUDE! It is not a petting zoo, it is a well respected orphanage, and it did not smell- it was just the food that the Pokemon got!' blurted May, just on the brink of exploding!
'Now guy's were almost at Rosenfurt, so don't start th--' said Ash, who was interrupted by leaves rustling.
'Whats that?' asked Brock.
'I have no idea!' replied Ash.
Just then a small creature came out- it had a round yellow stomach, it's hands and legs were just pink flower petals.
'Whats that?' asked Ash.
The creature let out a small whimper that sounded like 'Talance, talance'.
'Let me check!' said Ash, and got out his Pokedex.
'Petalance, the Small Bud Pokemon, it's petals are 10 times stronger than real ones and it gives it the ability to balance on them, they are also 20 times sharper,'
'Whoa! a Petalance, I heard they grow into a really strong breed!' informed Brock.
'I should catch it,' said Ash who was stopped by May.
'Wait, he might belong to a trainer to!' alarmed May.
'Yeah, you're right,' agreed Ash.
'Aah, guy's i dont think they do belong to a trainer,' said an alarmed Max, and he was telling the truth- just then, Petalances came out of everywhere- holes, tree's, long grass and even fell from the sky.
'AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH' the group screamed.

The Petalance's were only friendly, they wanted to show them to some water that the team desperatley needed.
'Wow! This water is the best i've ever tasted!' said May, she was sounding very refreshed and greatful.
Just then, Brock came out of the bushes, screaming.
'Whats wrong?' asked Ash.
'YEAH! YEAH!' he screamed.
'He seems happy,' said May, very confused, she was wondering why he was so happy, what could of sparked him?
'Whats going on Brock, did you find something?' asked Ash.
'I sure did, i caught a Petalance!' he said.
'Really, lets see,' ordered Max.
Brock sent out the Petalance that he caught, unfortunatly sparking the attention of his brothers and sisters.
'Um, Brock, the other Petalance's don't look very happy,' informed Ash.
Just then, all the Petalances dropped to the ground, scattering leaves everywhere.
'I think we should go now,' ushered May, very frightened of what may happen next.
The thing that did happen next was the cloud of smoke that uplifted from the ground as the group ran from the stampede of Petalances that was heading their way.
'HURRY UP ASH,' yelled Max, as Ash was pulling behind.
'I'm trying, these things won't stop though,' answered Ash, and he was right, the Petalances had a plan, to wait untill the team finally tired out and then grab them.
Ash tripped on a stone, the Petalance's went for him.
'HELLLPPP!,' screamed Ash, with almighty fear.
But then, a net fell right over the Petalances and Ash, and dragged them and him upwards.
'AAARRGH! What's going on?' yelled Ash, he was now higher than the trees.
'Hang on Ash!' yelled back Brock.
'Isn't that Team Rocket?' asked Max.
...

Dilasc
21st December 2005, 7:58 AM
After taking all of five minutes to read every single chapter, I look at the delay between this chpter and the previous one, and I say... you didn't even try!

In three months time, you could have taken the time to try and better yourself as a person and writer and improve upon your faults. Instead, this is practically half a page worth of bump the script-fic. The descriptions are tacky, and the created Pokemon are not inspiring.

I'm going to recommend you read 'Advice for Aspiring Authors', and also that you read some of the best fics here written by some of the better author's out here. Just look for a fic rated over 4 stars. I dunno who rated you high, as I don't see too much potential in this, seriously.

lewdon12no2
21st December 2005, 12:27 PM
Oh really- well, i can see you think alot about yourself, the fact that you've just written that and you've only been in the forum for 3 fricken months- i havent had time to put stuff in, because of a busy life that i have had- assignments, social life and relative's coming, all that you dont have to do.

Dont you dare say stuff like that without the facts!

Stay the hell away from my threads.

Dilasc
21st December 2005, 6:48 PM
If you're going to flame me, at least use proper punctuation.

Maybe you don't remember, I was here a year ago, but I left, then came back, so technically, no, I haven't been here for three months. Besides, the amount of time someone has been at a place does not give them any more or any less rights than anyone else.

You ma wish to read over your old chapters and fix any errors you may come across. I know it's *gasp* work, but its an important step to take on the road to becoming a good author.

Unlike you, I know how to write properly. Or better yet, go ahead and report me to the mods for flaming (lol) because that's apparently what I'm doing, now isn't it. Look, I'm not even going to bother to argue. I'm going to be the better man and just walk away.

Let's take a look at what you have done:
You created a new region - Well, so have I in my story, and other people have created new regions too.
You've created new Pokemon - Again, been there, doing that, and so are plenty of other people.
A plot - Eh, it's the Anime. This is debatable. I'd say making your own characters is a bigger challenge, as the characters you make can be taken with much more pride. Besides, I can think of many authors with better writing skills.
Excuses - You come up with a lot of those. It's best to accept your constructive critisism as best ya can and fix errors that are presented to you.

Before I leave you, I have one tip... when making a new paragraph, hit the enter key TWICE! Use that edit button and make sure you fix it up.

Dragonfree
22nd December 2005, 12:19 AM
-_- That was not a flame, it was constructive criticism, and frankly, we don't approve of authors who can't take that. I joined more than a year before you, so you'll listen to me, I hope, since you seem to value the time everybody has been on here so much? Well, I say this: Dilasc knows what he's talking about, and now listen to people who try to help you or I'm closing this thread.

lewdon12no2
22nd December 2005, 9:55 AM
I dont mean to be rude, but i know whats constructive critisism and whats having a pointless go at me!
I'll fix my stupid punctuation-- from now on- i aint goin' back and changing it now i don't do stupid labour around X- mas and New year- and i need to re- coop from 2005 in 2006 which will take half a year!

Oh and by the way, i shouldn't be doing your job, but if someone cant handle constructive critisism- dont kick them off- there are other ways to help them instead of constructive critisism.

Lewdon12no2
Thread Manager

Aquadragon
16th August 2006, 1:34 PM
Your story is bit boring, and you could make your own characters instead of using Ash and May and so on.