View Full Version : The Price of Freedom (rated pg)
5th July 2005, 10:25 PM
Well, here is my first attempt at a fic, I do hope it is well liked...
One thing first though, I dont claim the rights to Pokemon or anything, but I do claim the rights to my story plot, my characters, and my idea. So dont steal it or I shall have to bite your head off! *bares teeth*
Glad I got that out of the way... whew *wipes brow* I really do hate that. Now, on to the story. Hope you like it!
Intro rating = pg... nothing, zip, nada bad in this one...
“What should we do?”
Sitting in the living room of a small house were two men, one much older, and a woman, obviously pregnant.
“I don’t know. We said we would put a stop to all of this!” the younger man replied to his wife.
“This child may be granted powers beyond your wildest dreams and you’re trying to stop it,” ranted the old man, “You know it skips a generation and that’s why you’re worrying. Why my grandfather, he could...”
“Quiet father, we’re thinking,” interrupted the younger man. Turning to his wife, he said in a much gentler voice, “Is it a boy?”
“No,” she answered, with hope in her eyes, “Maybe...” She trailed off, barely daring to hope.
The young man turned to his father, “Has there ever been a woman in our family with the power?” he inquired.
“No,” answered the old man, suddenly looking much older as his expression turned sad, “and I had hoped for a grandchild able to do this.” He suddenly raised his hand, concentrating hard, as an ice cube started to form in midair. The son and his wife gasped as it fell to the floor with a clatter.
“How do you do that?” asked the son curiously.
“I compacted the water vapor in the air then froze it,” he answered crankily. “You do know I have the ice...”
“Shhh!” The woman looked toward the window, scared of being overheard.
“Its okay, no one heard.” The husband reached over and fondly patted his wife’s round stomach. “Now we have nothing to worry about.” The husband and his wife smiled happily, but the old man continued to look sad.
“She could still have the power you know! Maybe I’ve forgotten a girl ancestor or something...”
The young man laughed, “Face it, Dad, we’re going to have a nice, normal kid.”
...If only they knew...
I know, I know, cliche last line but it really sets everything off... There has been no mention of Pokemon yet but dont worry, there will be next chapter! Let me know how you like it and tell me if there are any mistakes I missed... Cant wait to hear replys, so please post!
6th July 2005, 11:46 PM
Please don't double post, and.. :P It isn't really nessecary to put in those smileys at the begenning and end of your posts.
Well, it was really short. O_o; It fit in my browser page. Er.. I don't really see where the plot is going right now, but it's obvious what's going to happen. Girl is born, girl is psychic, something happens, she can read pokemons' minds, etc... :/ Giving people special powers have always been a pet-peeve of mine... description was lackluster, as well. :/ Where are they again?.. a warehouse? a hospital? team rocket headquarters? Hm. Well, since I have Alzheimers, I forgot... you'd best describe better, or I may forget someones' name... D:"
Um... ya, I really did not mean to do that, I pressed stop because I had made a mistake then tried again and it accidentally double posted. Yes, the introduction is short, because it is, well, an introduction... Also, The introduction was supposed to leave a lot unsaid... so I didnt describe everything as normal...Oh, and whatever you think is going to happen is completely wrong, so please just be patient ;) The smilies are just for fun you know, just because I have a sense of humor. Glad I have someone replying... Keep reading!!
;196; ~ Chareon
7th July 2005, 2:32 AM
It is terribly short. It needs more description. It's good for a first try though.
7th July 2005, 11:50 PM
It is terribly short. It needs more description. It's good for a first try though.
Yes, its short, but once again, its only the introduction, here's (the much awaited) Chapter 1... Thanks for the replies, hope you like this Chapter!
Rating: Pg... nothing bad...
A young girl, possibly six in age, was walking in a forest. It was impossible to tell who she was because she was walking with her back turned. Suddenly, a pink, flying, cat-like Pokčmon flew out of the trees and confronted her, giggling. As the awed girl reached out with her hand to touch her, Mew took her by surprise by reaching out with her short, stubby arm and poking her in the middle of her forehead. As Mew flew away, giggling again, the words echoed around in her mind: “You are marked. We will meet again someday”. Suddenly the girl became frightened, and as she turned around to run away...
I awakened with a start, sweating and breathing heavily. It was the same way I had awakened on every birthday since I was seven, but this time my dream was different. Every birthday, I had gotten progressively further in my dream, and last time I had ended with Mew’s words. But this time...
“Happy Birthday, Miyah!” I nearly fell out of bed as I was ‘awakened’ by my parents, my grandpa, and my best friend. My thoughts shattered, I yelled happily as I saw Jaymi. Being 6 months older than me, she had left on a quest on her 14 birthday. I had not seen her since. She brushed a strand of her wispy blond hair out of her face and laughed at my surprise. One of the things I had always loved about Jaymi was her laugh. People say yawns are the most contagious thing there is, and I agree, but Jaymi’s laugh is a definite runner-up.
I jumped out of bed and hugged her, commenting, “Wow, you look different! Have you caught any Pokčmon yet?”
“Yeah, I've caught a few!”
I was about to ask what they were when my dad interrupted, “Hey, how come we don’t get a hug?” He gestured to himself and to my mom and grandpa, who were trying there best to look depressed. They weren’t doing a very good job though, because they were overjoyed at how happy I was to see Jaymi. I rushed over and gave them each a big hug in turn.
“So,” my grandpa said when I hugged him, “are you ready for some big adventures?”
“Yeah,” my mom agreed, “what starter Pokčmon are you gonna get?”
My parents had never been very over-protective, actually quite the opposite. They always wanted me to be happy, and when I asked for something, they obliged, although not to the point where I was spoiled. When, on my twelfth birthday, I couldn't go on a quest because of the new law, they were as depressed as I was. But now, on my fourteenth birthday, they were happy, even though I was leaving. As I reflected on it, my parents were the best a kid could ask for. I was sad to be leaving them, but not sad enough to keep me from leaving.
“Do you still wanna get a Squirtle, like me?” Jaymi asked. We had both decided at twelve that, even though in Hoenn, a Squirtle wasn’t a traditional starter, we would both get one when we came of age.
“Sure do!” I answered. I had always been fascinated with water Pokčmon, and the bluish turtle seemed like fun.
“Like my Squirtle?” Jaymi took out one of her four pokčballs and released her Squirtle, “Come on out, Splash!”
When the water Pokčmon materialized from the red energy that had just shot out of the pokčball, I was slightly disappointed. It was way smaller than I had imagined it, with an absurdly round head and a hooked beak.
“Wow, it’s cute!” I commented in a strained voice. Luckily Jaymi didn’t notice my lack of enthusiasm because she was pulling out her other three Pokčballs.
“Go: Skitty, Wingull, Murkrow!” she called as the corresponding Pokčmon burst out of their balls in red flashes of light.
A cute pink and cream kitten popped out of one of the balls, soon followed by a flat-looking seagull and a pitch black crow with an odd looking feather formation on its head like a witches hat.
As soon as Murkrow came out of its ball, I had a strange feeling... almost like hatred combined with fear. It was almost like I had hidden instincts which decided to come forth at that moment. Then, a shroud of red mist blinded me, and I knew no more, except for an intense fury, and a strange burning sensation in my eyes...
O_o cliffhanger... Please reply !
EDIT: Sooo sorry, this chapter came out way shorter than it was supposed to, it's a couple pages in MW, but dont worry, the next chapter is much longer... Sorry!
8th July 2005, 3:36 AM
Please put your little afternotes after the chappie or before...
anywayz i liek <3 ur story !!!1111one11one!
JK, I love it, I really do. Don't push yourself over the edge when comes to length, you're doing fine. Would you mind PMing for the next chappie?
-Pichu gurl ;172;
8th July 2005, 8:28 AM
Eepage, teh double postage willz get yous in twouble, 'couzin! X[
Okay, random lack-of-grammar-moment aside, I am here, after already sending that big long advice PM of doom when you already seem to have everything figured out. >>
Well, well, not bad, the first chapter certainly was a step up from the intro and you've got the characters set up. Two pages actually meets the limit, but peopel tend to complain if it's any less than four (I'm not, I like short chappies. I have a short attention span. XP)
Can't comment much on the storyline since it's just starting, although I can see that the journey won't end being another run-of-the-mill badge hunt. Lookin forward to the next chappie, and feel free to PM for any questions or advice.
30th July 2005, 3:18 AM
Like I said (or did I?) it was a total accident that I double posted, I really didnt mean to, or want to... Well anyways, thanks for reviewing and I will try to make the chapters longer... Thanks alot for the helpful PM Chibi Pika! It was helpful (<--case of minor writer's block)!!
Oh, and I know this doesnt apply to all of you, but if you come to critisize, please leave, if you come to edit and enjoy, then YAY! Sorry, had to get that off of my chest...
Well, here's Chapter 2, yay, a long one at last!! I combine a couple of Chapters so I won't have such a problem anymore :) Anyone who can find where they were combined gets a smile ;) And an extra smile if you can help with the transition :P
Rating: lalalaa nothing really bad...
When I next became conscious, I couldn't see, or move. I didn’t know what happened, but strangely enough, I didn’t care. All I could think about was my dream. The thing that had startled me the most about it was that I was that girl. I realized, in my semi-conscious state, that my dream wasn’t a dream at all, but a memory. Everything started to come back as though a strange force was pulling the thoughts from the farthest regions of my brain and putting them in front of me to see.
I had been six years old, and had awakened in the middle of the night in a thickly wooded area. I figured that I had been sleepwalking, so I decided to go home as quickly as possible so my parents wouldn’t worry. As I turned to leave, I thought I had heard something, sort of... a giggle. I turned back to investigate, and that’s where my dream came in.
I stopped to think of what Mew had said. I could understand the part about meeting again; perhaps she would come see me some day. But what I just didn’t get was that I was marked. How was I marked?
Suddenly, I realized I could see slightly through the all enveloping blackness, though it was just a slit at the top of my face. I could also move. I was about to reach up and remove the blindfold when I heard voices.
I had never really eavesdropped before but I figured these circumstances could warrant a little bit of it.
I heard Grandpa laughing fit to burst, and this stood out to me considering my parents tones of voice.
“She has the power!” said Dad.
“What are we going to do?” said Mom.
“There’s nothing we can do except have grandpa explain everything to her.”
I just couldn't take the suspense any more. I ripped off my blindfold and sat up, at which time everyone gasped in surprise that I was awake. “Explain what?” I demanded, “What’s going on here?!”
“Honey, just let Grandpa explain okay? Everything will make sense in a little while.”
I turned to Grandpa. “Well?”
Grandpa wiped the tears of joy from his face and smiled at her. “This will take a while, so you might as well sit back and relax.”
I obliged. I was too curious to do anything else.
“Long ago...” My grandpa started to tell his tale with these exact words; the same he had started every other story he told me with. “...a group of scientists got together and figured that they could make a race of super humans by implanting Pokčmon DNA in them. Everything failed, until one scientist mentioned that perhaps they should use the DNA of all Pokčmon and inject it into humans. Everyone scorned the idea because if you went and put too much DNA that wasn’t a human’s into a human, they would develop traits undesired for humans to have. The scientist who proposed this left the others in search of the one Pokčmon who could fulfill his wish. Can you guess which that one was Miyah?”
“Mew,” I breathed, finally understanding. They say Mew is the mother of all Pokčmon, holding all of the different Pokčmons’ DNA within her small body.
“Yes,” my grandpa smiled, proud I had worked it out so fast. “The scientist succeeded in getting a bit of Mew’s DNA and injecting it into three unrelated embryos. But the scientist’s work failed you see, or so he thought. The three embryos turned out to be normal humans, and the scientist died thinking his life was a failure. But, the three people’s children, on the other hand, each had an element that they had a sort of control over, just like Pokčmon.”
“Oh, I see, so I am one of the people who has Pokčmon powers? That means...” I thought hard. “... so do you! What element did you get?”
He smiled, raised his hand, concentrated hard, formed an ice cube in midair, caught it in his hand and handed it to me.
“Ice, I assume? What type am I then?”
“You, my dear, are the one and only Psychic-type human!” he responded, grinning.
“What’s so special about Psychic anyways?” I asked. “And how come I am the only one?”
“You have already answered your first question.”
It was then that I realized how stupid my first question was, and although didn’t show how embarrassed I felt as I asked, “Well then what about my second question?”
“Alas,” came his answer, “I have no idea.” Such a helpful answer!
I thought for a second about what I had forgotten to think about earlier, and then asked, “What happened earlier? I can't remember.”
“You went berserk,” he said simply. “All Pokčmon of one type will always have a deep-rooted hatred for any Pokčmon whose type is stronger than its own, such as fire hating water. Your instincts were aroused by the feeling of a dark-type Pokčmon weaker than you, so you tried to attack it. Your parents are explaining everything to Jaymi as we speak so she shouldn’t be that mad at you for nearly savaging her Murkrow.”
“I see,” I said, “but what exactly happened? What could I have done to a Pokčmon?”
“Well,” said her grandpa, chewing on his shirt collar, just like he always does when he’s agitated. Whatever I had done, must have been really bad. “Your eyes started to glow, first the blue glow of a psychic Pokčmon powering up, then, the light turned red, and everything in the room was lifted up and started swirling around the room in a vortex around you and Murkrow, then you kind of...” He trailer off, swallowed, then said, “... directed all of the furniture and such at Murkrow, burying it, then you turned on us and the same thing would have happened to us if your quick thinking mom hadn’t snuck up behind you and blindfolded you. Then you just kind of... fainted, just like an overworked Pokčmon, so we brought you back here, to your room.”
“I'm sorry.” I said pathetically.
“Don’t worry,” said my grandpa with a grin, “when I first encountered a low leveled fire Pokčmon, I froze everyone and everything around in a twenty foot radius.”
“So it’s normal?” I asked, relieved.
“That part is!” said grandpa, “Here's the catch though: some scientists would kill to experiment on us, which we can't let happen. You must never tell anyone about or show anyone your powers.”
I sat there, kind of just thinking about everything, until I realized my Grandpa was staring at me expectantly, although I didn’t quite know what he expected.
“Okay, enough with the boring story-telling; let’s boogie down to the Professor’s and get you started on your journey!” said my dad, barging in, always the awkward silence saver.
“Yay!” I said, happy once again, “but where’s Jaymi? I want to apologize.”
I found Jaymi in the wrecked living room, perched on the edge of an overturned sofa. I approached her cautiously, suddenly afraid.
The moment she turned around and saw me, I burst into uncontrollable tears and rushed over to her and hugged her, sobbing and apologizing over and over again. I could never remember feeling so embarrassed in front of Jaymi in my life. We had always accepted each others mistakes with a laugh and a smile, although this time I wasn’t too sure. I had almost killed her Murkrow.
“Hey, Miyah, it’s okay, I forgive you!”
I gave a start and looked at her. “Really?”
“That’s what friends are for!” she replied, smiling. “Now let’s go get your Pokčmon!”
Like it? Please reply!!
30th July 2005, 12:27 PM
Yes I like it! Length was mcuh better. ^^
I also like the hating Pokemon with type advantages. In Chapter One at it first I didn't know what was happening. And the injected DNA idea was interesting too. I would like to how this relates to "Price of Freedom" in the future, I am liking this better and better. ^^
Thanks for the PM!
31st July 2005, 10:08 PM
Yes I like it! Length was mcuh better. ^^
I also like the hating Pokemon with type advantages. In Chapter One at it first I didn't know what was happening. And the injected DNA idea was interesting too. I would like to how this relates to "Price of Freedom" in the future, I am liking this better and better. ^^
Thanks for the PM!
Yay! I'm glad you like it! The Price of Freedom Title is related to the last line of the story (Yes, I know it but I haven't actually gotten there yet) although it will make sense before then.
Well, here's Chapter 3, I thought this one was amusing, but that was just my opinion, I will wait for replies later.
Rating: PG, as always
As we drove north to see the Professor, I was still trying to decide which starter I wanted. I knew that Squirtle would be one of my top choices, along with Cyndaquil. Although I didn’t much like Cyndaquil, I loved its evolution, Quilava.
Most Professors only have three choices for starting Pokčmon, but I was lucky enough to have parents that would drive me to the only one that has all nine. The drive was long, but at least we didn’t have to fly to another continent.
“Aren't we there yet?” Ever the impatient one, my grandfather complained for what seemed the hundredth time.
“Actually, yes,” our navigator, Jaymi, surprised us by saying. “His driveway is just a couple miles away to the right.”
“Finally!” I said, excited to be one step closer to leaving on my journey.
A couple of minutes later, we had pulled up to the professor’s house after his long, winding driveway.
As soon as I jumped out of the car, I ran up to the Professors door and knocked excitedly three times.
“Yes?” He said as he opened the door. “Ah yes, Miyah, I presume? Come on in.”
I grinned at my parents as we walked into a foyer-like room.
“Miyah, come with me. The rest of you are free to make yourself at home right here,” the Professor said, beckoning me to follow him into an adjoining room.
“Sit right there,” he ordered, “while I release the pokčballs in front of you.”
“Okay,” I said, smiling at him.
He returned the smile before turning and taking some pokčballs out of a box. His smile immediately disappeared as he counted them. “Um, I believe I'm missing Cyndaquil, is that okay? If you want, I can reorder one but it will take me a couple of weeks.”
“That’s okay, Professor,” I said, because even though Cyndaquil was one of my top choices, I didn’t want to have to postpone my journey for one.
“Oh, good,” the professor said, releasing the eight pokčballs at once, “Well, take your time!”
The first Pokčmon to emerge was a Chicorita, a light-green colored dinosaur Pokčmon with a leaf on its head and a necklace of flower buds sprouting on its neck.
Next to emerge was a blue bipedal crocodile Pokčmon. As soon as the Totodile came out, the Chicorita turned and whacked Totodile harshly on the head with its leaf. After blinking a couple of times to clear its head, the Totodile turned and clamped its sharp teeth on Chicorita’s leg.
While this was happening, the three Hoenn starters had emerged from their Pokčballs and also started fighting; the Torchic used Ember on Treeko, Treeko used Bullet Seed on Mudkip, and Mudkip used Water Gun on Torchic.
Since these attacks were all super-affective on the Pokčmon they were used on, all three Hoenn starters winded up fainting.
“Oh, dear!” exclaimed the Professor, “I'm so sorry! I forgot to send this batch out one at a time!” As the Professor said this, he dropped the last three Pokčballs on the ground, and cursed as they popped open.
Out of one of the Pokčballs came Bulbasaur, a blue frog with a bulb on its back. The Bulbasaur immediately sent out long vines and started to try to pull the Totodile and Chicorita apart.
Out of the next, finally, was the Squirtle. To my disappointment, it turned its back on the melee, curled up, and started sleeping.
Last to come out was a bipedal orange lizard with large expressive eyes and a small fire on the end of its tail. Unlike the rest of the Pokčmon, the Charmander turned its attention to me. Its expression seemed to say, “Please pick me! Just get me away from them, and I promise I will do anything for you! I will love you, and if it is your wish, I will fight for you until my last breath leaves my dying body!”
I gasped as I heard this, for I realized that the Charmander really had said that. I was just wondering why I understood, because I had never taken any Pokčspeech lessons, but some loud laughing behind me interrupted my thoughts.
I turned around to behold that my family and Jaymi had heard the ruckus and come to see what was happening.
I tried my best to make myself heard over their laughter as I called, “Professor!” then louder, “PROFESSOR!!”
At which point he stopped chasing Chicorita around the room and panted, “Yes?”
“I’ll take the Charmander,” I said, deciding on the spur of the moment.
“Phew,” he sighed, recalling the other Pokčmon. “Now I can get you your license and your Pokčdex. Come on, you two, follow me.” He beckoned to Charmander and me.
Charmander shot me a look of pure happiness and gratitude as we made our way into the next room, which contained boxes of Pokčdexes along with two computer-like machines. The Professor walked over to one of the machines and started typing.
“How do you spell your name?” he asked, still typing.
“M-i-y-a-h,” I said, then, as an afterthought, “A-s-e-n-t-i”
“Okay,” he said, “What is your birthday?”
“March 1st, 2021”
“Hold on,” The Professor had been typing this information down on the computer as I spoke. A whirring sound was emitted from the machine, and then a disk popped out of it. The Professor took the disk, grabbed one of the many Pokčdex lying on the table, and proceeded to scan the disk into the Pokčdex.
“Here you go, Miyah,” he said, handing me my Pokčdex. “Your pin number is 030121130047.”
I stared at the number on the screen for a moment before I realized that the first part of the number was my birthday. The Professor noticed me staring blankly at the rest of it.
“You are the thirteenth person (13) to get a Charmander (004) from me (7).” He explained, pointing to each part in turn.
He then recalled the Charmander to its Pokčball and held it out in front of the Pokčdex. The Pokčdex made a beeping noise as the Charmander’s stats were shown. A strange female mechanical voice read them off, “Charmander, male, level 5, moves known: Scratch, Growl, and Tackle. Charmander is the Lizard Pokčmon. Obviously prefers hot places. When it rains, steam is said to sprout from the tip of its tail.”
“Could you turn the voice off for me before we go please? It’s quite annoying.”
The Professor laughed as he turned a switch at the back of the Pokčdex. “Sure thing. Come now, its time for you to go. I have another appointment in a couple of minutes.” He escorted me back into the foyer-like room, which now seemed to me to be a cleverly disguised waiting room. My family and Jaymi had evidently come back in after seeing the ‘incident’ and were now standing up and shaking the Professor’s hand.
“Bye!” We called, as we got into the car and drove off towards home, so I could gather the rest of my stuff and leave on my Pokčmon journey.
End Chapter 3
Yes, I realize that I put level 5 in there, and I implore you to understand that levels are like your age in my story. For instance: Charmander evolves at level 16, just as we grow up a bit at age 13, get my point?
Getting past that, please reply all of you loyal readers *snorts* er... well, anyways, please reply and point out any mistakes that I may have made.
2nd August 2005, 2:25 AM
Can't say much, I loved it. But when the professor sighed it should be "Phew" and not "few", but no biggie. ^^
Yay! charmander! I love all the fire starters. Funny how all the Hoenn starters popped out and BOOM! just went dead after attacking. ^^
2nd August 2005, 10:17 PM
Thanks for reviewing, and thanks for the edit; I must have had a minor case of 'forgot how to spell disease' for a moment, I suppose... I really did have fun with that part; Each of the Hoenn starters was hit by their weakness, and thats why they fainted.
Charmander is my favourite starter (obviously, thats why I picked him for Miyah) and I'm glad you approve :)
Thanks again for reviewing, authors (or in my case authoresses) always love to know at least someone likes their story!
Next chappie will come out as soon as possible!
3rd August 2005, 6:58 PM
oooh! this is good! i cant wait for the next chappie! i have this pleace bookmarked! pm me when you update, ok?
4th August 2005, 8:55 PM
I've got two readers! I've got two readers!! *dances around maniacally to retarded chant* *regains composure* I'm (obviously) very glad you like it, deoxysmaster8000, I have spent a long time on this... And of course I will PM you, my pleasure!
And, without further ado.... Chapter 4!!
Fooled you huh? I have to give the rating first...
Rating: PG........... (duh)
Ha ha... Here it is!
By the time we had driven home, it was dusk was beginning to fall. I was especially glad to get out of the car, because, although like the others, I wanted to stretch my legs, my mom wouldn’t let me take Charmander out of his Pokčball in the car.
“His tail flame will set the car on fire!” she had said.
So now that I was home, I released him into the newly cleaned living room.
“Charr!” he said, popping out of his Pokčball. Then, he said in real words, “I wonder where I am?”
“You’re at my house er... Charmander,” I answered, not knowing exactly what to call him.
Charmander gave me a surprised look. “You took Pokčspeech lessons?” he asked. “You were supposed to tell the Professor if you had. He’s taking a poll of all of the people who have, you know.”
“I know,” I said, “Its part of the registration process. It is the trainer’s responsibility to inform the Pokčmon Professor that you get your first Pokčmon from if you have taken any introductory Pokčspeech or Pokčspeech courses.” I had memorized this information way back when I was twelve. “I didn’t do my duty because I really never have taken any lessons.”
Charmander looked even more surprised at this, although he looked slightly relieved at the same time. “Oh. Well then, why do you know Pokčspeech?”
I then related to Charmander all that had happened today, and what my Grandfather had explained to me.
“Wow, I had always hoped for a special trainer, but I had never imagined anything like this! Although,” he added as an afterthought, “for a second there I thought I had gotten a lying trainer!”
I laughed, which must have wiped away any remaining doubt he had left, for he grinned, a broad grin which exposed his pointy Charmander teeth.
“So,” I said, suddenly curious, “what about you? Now you know some stuff about me, so I want to know some stuff about you!”
“Well,” he told me, “I'm just a normal Charmander from a normal family. Nothing special like you. I was the eldest of three other siblings, two males and a female. They and I used to talk a lot at night when we should have been sleeping about what an ideal trainer should be. Our ideas got wilder and wilder, (such as being trained by a legendary Pokčmon) until our mother, who by then obviously knew of our discussions told us to ‘shut up and go to bed’. Once I got to level 5, my mommy flew me to the Professor’s (that was fun!). There I waited with those other tyrannical Pokčmon (excluding Bulbasaur of course) until you came. I'm guessing you know the rest,” he finished with a laugh.
“Charmander,” I said, struck by a sudden thought, “what’s your name? I'm not sure I want to call you Charmander all the time. It gets kind of old, hearing other people calling their Pokčmon by their breed all the time, know what I mean?”
“Glad you mentioned it, I don’t much like the thought of that either. My names Blaze.”
“Cool!” I said.
Throughout the time that I was talking with Blaze, My parents and Jaymi apparently had set out all of the stuff for my journey that was to be the next day, and now came filing into the living room, collapsing on the other sofa.
“Thanks guys!” I said, upon hearing of their accomplishment.
“Oops!” said my Mom randomly, smacking herself with her hand, “Miyah, dear, the only thing we forgot is the money for you. Could you go get it?”
“Of course Mom,” I said, “Where is it?”
“In the dresser in my room that’s the same as the one you have, top shelf.”
I got up and walked into my parent’s room, closely followed by a curious Blaze. I spotted the dresser in question almost immediately. As it was dark in the room, even with the small table lamp on, I couldn't see into the drawer. Reaching in confidently, (having reached the same way into my own dresser for years) I was surprised when my hand hit the bottom much earlier than expected.
“Ouch!” I exclaimed sucking on my jammed fingers. “Hey Blaze, could you jump up here and use your flame as a light for a second for me?”
He obliged, and with the newly added light, I saw the money almost immediately. I grabbed the many bills, and as I did, I saw a small finger-sized hole in the bottom of the drawer under the spot where the money had been.
“Look!” I said excitedly to Blaze. I removed the rest of the junk that had also been in the drawer, stuck my finger into the hole, and lifted. There, in the real bottom of the drawer, was a yellowed scrap of paper, which upon closer inspection was revealed to be a newspaper article, dated three years ago:
Scientists discover a way to merge people with Pokčmon!
For a long time, writes Lisa Carson, people have been wondering what the scientists in Kounei forest have been up to. Now, at last, we know! “We've been working on this for years,” one scientist explains. “Although we know exactly how to merge people with Pokčmon, it will take a couple of years for us to find someone who is enough like a certain Pokčmon that we can merge them.” The scientist further explained that the Pokčmon and human who are to merge have to have similar characteristics and both have to agree to the merging. None of the scientists, however, would tell exactly how they could achieve this, for fear of their idea being stolen by their rivals in...
Continued on B4
And that was all there was. I flipped it over, but there was only an advertisement for a coin laundry.
“Miyah? What happened, did you get lost?” my mom shouted from the living room, while everyone else laughed.
“Coming!” I yelled, quickly replacing the article, the false bottom, and all of the junk. Blaze followed me as I quickly walked back to the living room.
“Sorry,” I said, knowing that even if I didn’t want to, I had to lie, “I was just astonished by the amount of money you guys are giving me! There’s like...” I started to count the Pokčdollars in my hand but my mom interrupted.
“... Twenty-five hundred,” She finished, “We know that you have five hundred saved so you can start off with three thousand.”
“Wow,” Jaymi remarked, “I only had two! Look,” She pulled out her Pokčdex, “There's a compartment on the back for your money!” she pulled it open, revealing some money. “And your Pokčdex will keep track of the money in there for you.”
“Cool,” I said, pulling out my own Pokčdex and adding the money my parents gave me, before dashing off to retrieve my own from my room, followed by Blaze.
“Is this your room?” he asked, looking surprised.
“Yeah,” I said, “why?”
“It’s just that,” he paused, then continued, “you didn’t seem like a very smart trainer, yet you have so many encyclopedias and such.”
“Oh,” I said, slightly abashed, “After they changed the age limit for beginning trainers, I decided to try and become the best trainer ever. I studied for almost a year before my dad gave me a talk about how ‘a good trainer isn’t made from books’. I haven’t really studied since.” I walked to my dresser, grabbed my Sproink bank, smashed it on the ground and grabbed the Pokčbucks that were scattered amongst the shards.
“Hmm...” Blaze looked at the shards of ceramic on the ground.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you think you could fix that with, you know, your powers?”
I frowned. “Lemme try.” I concentrated as hard as I could, but nothing happened.
“Maybe if you imagine the pieces reassembling?” Blaze suggested.
This time, I concentrated hard while imagining the pieces floating in midair. Suddenly, the spectrum took on a very bluish tinge as the pieces floated into the air. I reassembled them in midair, holding them there, while asking Blaze, “Could you sort of melt this back together?”
Blaze nodded, and by grabbing his tail and blowing the flames towards the held together pieces of ceramic, he welded the pieces back together.
I laughed, grabbing the newly fixed Sproink bank and putting back on my dresser. “We did it!” I exclaimed. Then I looked up at the clock. “We should get some sleep,” I said. Blaze and I walked out into the living room to say good night to my parents and Jaymi, explaining that we wanted to get an early start the next morning.
As I got into bed, I heard a “Good night!” from Blaze. I smiled, replying, “Good night!” as I recalled him to his Pokčball.
End Chapter 4...
So, there it is! Chapter 4! Please reply with edits, opinions, predictions (blacked out please), and praise... Tee hee!
4th August 2005, 9:47 PM
oooh, i like it, nice trick with the bank ^_^ very origionall (i know i didnt spell that right) i just wish i had your writing talents, im an inventor, not an author, yet im trying to write a story with sweet may, its not going very well, any who, thanx 4 pm'ing me about the fic ^_^
4th August 2005, 10:14 PM
;330; Yep, it's me. Anyway it's very original. Although Blaze? Couldn't you think of a more original name for a Charmander? Mine's called Blaine, although my second one will be Lance. I have to say I do like the thing overall. Also your banner indicates she get's a Houndoom, but I thought she couldn't stand Houndoom since it's a dark type?
;359; My Amidamaru wouldn't want to meet her, even though he's level 67.
;373; I agree with S.F. again, but I would like to add that it is a little dull at the moment, mostly talk. By the third chapter of S.F.'s we had had three battles.
;307; Deoxysmaster8000, you spell original like this.
Jack is still strapped to Suicune.
Actual;245;:He just won't come off, even at 20'000 leagues.
4th August 2005, 11:03 PM
It's getting better and better yet! the fixing of the bank was interesting, and the length was much better! I laugh at the littlest things, even if it makes sense that Charmander might "accidentally set the car on fire". You can always get a chuckle outta me. ^^ See ya laterz!
5th August 2005, 1:06 PM
what do you guys/gals here in the audiance(not you chareion, becuz you know what will happen next, and if you dont well give you some ideas) think she will do next with her powers? i think she'll use them to catch her 2nd pokemon, like a pidgy or something, or maybe the eevee that that espyon evolved from in your banner charion, eh only the author will know that, for now whowever, im goin off to read another fic ^_^
5th August 2005, 4:16 PM
you now have 3 readers this story is kool im goin to keep readin it and book mark it!!
5th August 2005, 9:38 PM
*sigh* did any one even read my last post?
anywho, i cant wait 4 da next chappie!
6th August 2005, 5:30 AM
Hiyahs, everyone! The next chappies not quite done yet, but soon, depending on how long my parents let me use the computer tomorrow...
Now, to answer all the posts...
Shiny Flygon: I like the name Blaze a lot, it was the name of my very first Pokemon in Pokemon Blue (<-- how I got hooked), I got a Charmander (i know I'm wierd, getting one in BLUE, but I dont like Squirtle) and named it that, then it grew to level 91... Then the game data got erased... its sortof a tribute to him... Also, dont worry, there will be about 1 (or more) battle(s) a chapter from now on... ;)
Mizu Gal: :)
deoxysmaster8000: I read your post, dont worry, but it kindof doesn't apply to me because I already know...
blaziken92: Glad you like it!
There! If any of you have any more questions, feel free to ask! *dances around* They love me, they really love me! *smiles happily* Laterz!
~Dragon in the Shadows~
6th August 2005, 7:27 AM
meh, i'll read this fic. sounds sorta interesting
6th August 2005, 6:17 PM
hooray, more battles! ^_^
i wonder what her next pokemon will be...........hmmmmmm........
6th August 2005, 8:39 PM
;330; You didn't answer my question about the Houndoom.
6th August 2005, 10:22 PM
Shiny Flygon: Her Houndoom's level is higher than hers so she has no reaction.
Well, anyways, here is Chapter 5, at last... Hope you like it!
Chapter rating: Pg, even though there is a battle...
The next morning, I woke up very early, grabbed my new belt (with Blaze’s Pokčball on it) and backpack (with all of the new stuff in it), put on my bandana, and left while my family was still sleeping. I had never been one for goodbyes, so I avoided them at all costs.
I had decided last night, after viewing the newspaper clipping, that I would seek out the scientists and see if I qualified to be merged with a Pokčmon.
I set out into the woods near my home; they were a branch of the Kounei forest, and followed a trail that had been cut through the forest from years of forest Pokčmon following it. I knew it had to lead somewhere, so I followed it, calling Blaze out of his Pokčball to keep me company.
We walked along in silence for a while, savoring the quiet of the deep woods. Suddenly, as we stepped into a clearing, we saw what looked to be a Stantler chewing on a clump of sage. As soon as it looked up, though, I could tell that it wasn’t one, so I whipped out my Pokčdex and scanned it. ‘Fawneer, the fawn Pokčmon. Fawneer is a pre-evolved form of Stantler. Fawneer are reclusive Pokčmon who like to live in deep forests.’
When the Fawneer saw me, it turned and started to run away.
“Wait!” I called, “Want to battle me?”
The Fawneer stopped running and turned, shaking its head before bounding off into the forest.
“Darn,” I said, “I was hoping to have our first Pokčmon battle.”
“Next time,” Blaze laughed, “challenge it to a battle before it starts to run away.”
“Oh,” I said, “I forgot about that.” Then, I laughed, “I wasn’t thinking, I guess I was too excited.”
We continued to walk along the path, sometimes encountering wild Pokčmon, but no others that I might want to try and catch.
Then, as we rounded a bend in the path, a wild Eevee leapt out of the bushes and stood right in the middle of the path. The Eevee was a small, fox-like creature with tan fur and a lighter tan ruff around its neck.
“Battle me!” it said, although I figured that it didn’t know I could understand.
“Sure thing,” I replied, “Go! Blaze!”
Blaze leaped out in front of me, saying, “Charrrr!!”
“Blaze, use Tackle!” I shouted, as Blaze charged at the Eevee. As Blaze got close, the Eevee jumped out of the way, and used its own Headbutt attack, hitting Blaze squarely in the side. Although the attack winded him, I could tell that he wasn’t hurt too badly.
“Er,” I said not entirely sure what to do next, “Use scratch while its close!” I yelled, hoping that Blaze wouldn’t miss.
Sure enough, Blaze scored a direct hit on Eevee’s back leg as it tried to get away from the attack.
The Eevee limped away quickly so Blaze couldn't get a chance to scratch it again. It turned and with surprising speed launched a Quick Attack towards Blaze.
“Blaze, step aside and use Scratch again when it gets close!”
Yet again, Blaze scored a direct hit on the Eevee, this time on its face. Purely by accident, the Eevee’s momentum after the Quick Attack was so much so that, even skidding along, it ran straight into a tree. As the Eevee was staggering along, trying to clear its head, I grabbed an empty Pokčball from my belt and tossed it at the Eevee. The ball rocked as the Eevee tried to escape, once, twice, thrice! Then, it was still.
“YES!” I shouted, “I caught my first wild Pokčmon! Nice work Blaze!” I said as I let out the Eevee.
“You did all the work,” he said modestly, but he was interrupted by a loud wail.
“NOO!!” another Pokčmon came running into the clearing, obviously distraught. “After all of the warnings I gave you, you just had to battle someone, didn’t you Kara, and now look what happened! You got caught!” By now I recognized the cream colored, flamey cat that was yelling at the Eevee, who was obviously its pup. It was a Flareon, the fiery evolution of Eevee.
“I'm sorry, mom,” said the Eevee in an obviously female voice, “But the only reason I did run off and fight a battle was because you never let me do anything. I have no regrets that I got caught, because now I can get away from you and all of your stupid rules!” The Eevee turned to me, “Thank you for capturing me, now, can we go?” it asked.
“Of course,” I said, “But only after you apologize to your mom, and say goodbye.” Eevee glowered, but did as I ordered.
“Sorry mom, see you around,” it said before turning away.
“Thank you,” said the Flareon, and as it said this, I heard a sizzling noise. The noise turned out to be Flareon’s tears evaporating as they hit her fiery fur.
“No, thank you,” I corrected, "for allowing me to take your daughter."
“J-just take good care of her,” she said, before bounding off, crying harder than ever.
“Sorry I made you do that, Eevee, but I didn’t want you to have any regrets later, you know what I mean?”
“I know,” said Eevee, “But please do call me Kara. By the way, how did you learn Pokčspeech?”
“I’ll explain while we eat lunch,” I said, setting out a picnic blanket that my parents had given me.
After explaining everything to Kara (who had a very good appetite and ate all of her own food plus half of Blaze’s) she said, “Prove it, put away all of the picnic supplies.” I did, resulting in a very happy Kara when I picked her up too.
“Whee!” she cried happily, “I’m flying!”
“Me too,” shouted Blaze, holding his arms up, so I picked them both up and flew them around for a while.
“I can’t wait until I'm a Charizard and can do that on my own!” said Blaze, when I set them back down.
“Oh, yeah, that reminds me,” I turned to Kara, “What do you want to evolve into? I know Eevees can evolve into Jolteon, Flareon, Vaporeon, Espeon, and Umbreon, and I was wondering which you liked.”
“I think I like Vaporeon, but I guess we’ll see. I don’t want you to have to spend money on me, you know, for a water stone.”
“Don’t worry, Kara, I’ll spend the money if that’s what you want, but for now, I don’t quite think you're ready to do anything other than think about it.”
“I guess,” she said, thinking hard, before turning and limping towards the path.
“Hey Kara, get back here,” I said, picking her up and floating her back. I reached into my backpack and pulled out a potion, squirting some on both her and Blaze. “There,” I said, before walking out onto the path with both of them walking happily after me.
Here's a picture of Fawneer (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v245/gymkitten1077/Fawneer.jpg), its my made up Pokemon so dont steal it!
6th August 2005, 10:32 PM
ooh.......this is good ^_^ yay, i new that shed be getting her eevee in this chappie ^_^ hooray me, hooary fic, hooray charion! ohh.......i cant wait 4 the next chappie!
6th August 2005, 10:49 PM
;330; Superb, I really like it! And thanks for explaining the Houndoom thing. Fawneer looks dopey.
;359; I'm glad Amidamaru's in the clear.
;373; Describe your new pokemon a little better. All other description was great. I really like this.
Jack is still being punished.
7th August 2005, 2:10 AM
very good im quite enjoying this fan fic keep up the good work
8th August 2005, 2:38 AM
Hey , everyone, sorry for not PMing if you asked me to (deoxysmaster8000 and Mizu Gal) but my parents booted me off the computer...
Parent: Are you done yet?
Me: Yes, but...
Parent: Oh, good, I just wanted to get on and *insert action here*
Parent: No buts! The computer is a privilage!
So sorry... Well, anyways, next chappie will be out soon... Thanks Shiny Flygon, I do need to descibe the Eevee a bit more *scurries off to edit* I'll fix that soon!
Thanks for reading!
8th August 2005, 3:10 AM
man.....parents ruin evrythig, huh? they spend my munny, they kick me off my computer, *sigh* i cant wait 4 da next chappie ^_^
~Dragon in the Shadows~
9th August 2005, 1:08 AM
Nice chapie! ^_^
11th August 2005, 4:03 PM
yea, next chappie whohaha, next cahppie whohaha!!!!
21st August 2005, 7:34 PM
Woot! Told ya I'd show up here eventually!
Silverwing;249;: Eventually is right, that was months ago.
Whatever, at least I got here.
Well, this is coming along nicely, and I'm guessing that if she looks for the scientists who can merge Pokemon that'll be where the story strays from the journey path.
I think maybe you should have had her have more trouble with her powers (not during the first rection, but when she actally started trying to do it.) Like in this one book I read, the main characcter learns magic with words from an ancient language, but it takes him a lot of time and effort just to lift a amall stone in the beginning. Oh well.
Eevee already, eh? That's fine, I have no problem with overused Pokemon, but IMO, Eevee, are pretty rare...maybe you could put in a line eventually saying something like how Eevee used to be endangered but then the league raised and released a lot of them or something.
I'll be interested to see what happens if and when Houndour comes in *points at banner* Still, as I'm assuming Mew and Entei have significance in the fic, I think (and hope) she doesn't capture them. Back before I changed my trainer card, everyone kept asking "when's Jade gonna catch Lugia until I got so irritated I changed it :p
Good luck with future chapters, and feel free to PM if you need anything.
22nd August 2005, 4:35 AM
yea, that would be nice, sorry, i just got into a fight with someone on another forum, so yea, im kinda tired, oh, well, just pm me when the next chappie is up ^_^
25th August 2005, 8:18 PM
Well, this is coming along nicely, and I'm guessing that if she looks for the scientists who can merge Pokemon that'll be where the story strays from the journey path.
I was hoping for everyone to assume that without me having to type it... Thanks for reviewing, everyone, I know it has been a while but the computer I type on (no internet but no restrictions) is being evil and keeps resetting in the middle of my typing... And I'm not allowed to type on the one with internet... *sighs* Well, anyways, I know Eevee is rare, but the "league reasing and releasing a bunch" deal is kindof overused... I'm trying to think of something though...
Chibi Pika: With Mew, you are right, and you'll just have to wait and see about Entei though... ;)
Sorry its taking so long but I will try my best to get the next chappie out as soon as possible!
28th August 2005, 5:39 AM
its ok ^_^ jsut pm me whe the next chappie is up ^_^
28th August 2005, 3:07 PM
^^ Nice chapter, although wouldn't Kara's mother have a more angry reaction? Never mind, I'll shut up, it's just me. ^^
I'm hoping since she hopes to become a Vaporeon that she won't because those fics with perfect futuresness (or whatever) kinda get on my nerves. -_-
28th August 2005, 3:12 PM
;330; Have you seen the story's banner? Eevee is gonna become Espeon..
28th August 2005, 4:07 PM
yea, it becomes an espyon, like in the baner
1st September 2005, 11:14 PM
A slightly misleading title: I'm not done with the next chapter, but my computer is done being fixed! Yay! Now I can type! Plus, I type more when school starts (cant do anything else)! *smiles*
Hmm... on the banner topic... dont always trust banners...
One of those Pokemon isnt quite in Miyahs team...
*remark causes more depate* Anyways... Soon, next chappie very soon...
3rd September 2005, 3:14 AM
its gotta be mew, shes teh most powerfull pokemon ever, theres no way she could catch it
3rd September 2005, 12:55 PM
its gotta be mew, shes teh most powerfull pokemon ever, theres no way she could catch it
Just because Mew is powerful, remember that it is a playful and friendly, and childlike Pokemon. I'd think Entei, because of his importance in Ho-oh's watch over the world.
3rd September 2005, 8:15 PM
;330; I have to agree with Mizu gal. In the game, when I cheated to catch Mew it wasn't very hard, but Entei wouldn't go down without a fight! Neither did Suicune or Raikou.(It took me three months to catch Suicune, four for Raikou and Entei was five) And don't get me started on Latias(6 MONTHS!!!!! 6 *censored* MONTHS!)
4th September 2005, 3:58 PM
whoa, i cought latias 3 days after it appeared in my emerald, i used the masterball ^_^
i havent cought entei, suicune, or riako on my gold, but then agian, im gona get them last, after i fill my pokedex with the other pokemon, i already have theses legendarys data:(everything isn thses-->() means i have them in my box, and how many)
are those all of em.......yea, thats it ^_^ i got mew and celebi from my cuz, i got mewtwo from my yellow
anywho, back on topic:
i cant wait 4 your next chappie!!!!!! horray!!!!!!! i lufff this fic!!!!!!!!!
5th September 2005, 5:18 PM
Really cool fic!! very fun interesting plot!! ;330;
i cant wait to see more. pm me when the new chappies are up!!
Yet again... Cool!!!
Your new reader,
14th September 2005, 12:56 AM
And she'd better NOT catch Mew...*growls a warning*
14th September 2005, 1:52 AM
Well, it IS Chareon's fic, he/she can do anything he/she (I don't wanna offend you, are you a boy or a girl?) wants with this fic.
14th September 2005, 11:12 PM
yea, dont judge, and that counts as spam, right?
anywho, nice fic ^_^ pm me when teh next chappie is up :D
17th September 2005, 9:12 AM
Im a she, and no offence taken... ;) Next chappie comes out: *drumroll* tomorrow!
If my parents let me on the computer I will post it... Im done, I just need to make a few minor adjustments. And You'll see about Mew....
The reason (other than dead computer and stupid parents) is that I am working on two fics at once, and have been since the beginning of this fic, so dont complain i ditched you guys... AND, I have lots ofHomework, seeing as its my Freshman year of High School....
Hasta Manana! (I'm taking Spanish)
17th September 2005, 2:57 PM
its ok, were not mad, were just wondering where you were :D anywho, im gald your back, as usual, pm me :D
18th September 2005, 2:15 AM
See? I told you it'd be tomorrow! My parents took pity on me because I'm so sore from Friday (I ran a frippin mile after not running all summer, did 99 sit ups, and 33 push ups!!! Ow!) and let me go on the computer!! Yay!
Anyways, this is Chapter six, 'tis rated pg, although there is some language (does butt count?) in it, as well as a Pokemon battle... :) New character introduced too *laughs maniacally, starts to dance around the room then falls to the floor in agony, twitching, as muscles tear even more* Ow...
We walked for another day before anything happened. Kara pointed out that the trees seemed to be thinning slightly, and when we rounded a bend in the trail, the three of us stopped dead, too astounded to speak.
There, before us was the most beautiful lake I had ever seen. The surface of the lake was so still it reflected the trees on the other side.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” said a voice from behind us. We whipped around, ready to fight, but it was only a guy that was perhaps a smidgeon older than me, smiling disarmingly.
“Er, yeah,” I said hesitantly, then, in a much more confident voice, “Who are you?”
“I'm Rick,” he stated simply. “And you are...”
“Miyah, and this Blaze and Kara.”
“Cool,” he grinned devilishly, “fancy a battle?”
“Two on two?” I asked.
“Sure!” he took out two Pokèballs. “Go, Chikorita and Metapod!”
“Go and kick some butt, Blaze and Kara!”
“Metapod, Harden, Chikorita, use Vine Whip and throw that Eevee for a loop!”
“Kara, avoid the Vine Whip and Headbutt the Metapod! Blaze, Tackle the Chicorita and then while its stunned try an Ember!” I yelled, praying that the Ember would work; it was our only advantage that could lead to victory.
Kara meanwhile was avoiding one of the Vine Whips very well until the other one snaked around behind her and grabbed her, hauling her straight up into the air. Chicorita had just started to twirl Kara in circles when Blaze Tackled her. Kara was dropped, rather than thrown; therefore she immediately ran up to the Metapod and Headbutted it, looking at me for more instruction when nothing happened.
“Keep Headbutting!” I shouted.
Blaze, while this was happening, was trying to figure out Ember as Chicorita tried to regain her wind.
“Imagine yourself doing it Blaze!” I shouted, feeding his words back at him.
Once more, he tried, and succeeded magnificently, burning the Chicorita with a cluster of flamey embers that he spewed from his mouth. To his astonishment, the Chicorita got back up.
“Good job Chicorita!” Rick yelled, “Keep it up! Pick up Metapod and hit that annoying Eevee with him!”
Eevee stopped Headbutting Metapod as it was suddenly picked up by Chicorita’s vines. Chicorita swung Metapod along the ground at a high speed.
“Jump Kara!” I shouted, and Kara obeyed with alacrity, jumping over the Metapod, regaining her feet as Chicorita swung Metapod around again.
“Keep jumping!” I shouted, and would have laughed at the strange jump-rope game if I didn’t have more pressing matters on my mind.
“Blaze, burn the vines!”
Timing it just right, Blaze shot out more Embers at the swinging Metapod, which, although they didn’t really hurt the Metapod, snapped the vines holding it. The Metapod went sailing through the air majestically, only to be stopped by a tree.
“Metapod, return!” Rick called, as his Chicorita drew its vines back in, panting.
“Kara, Headbutt, Blaze, use Ember while it’s distracted.”
Kara ran towards the seemingly done for Chicorita, excited by her first Pokèmon battle and the upcoming win. But the Chicorita had one more trick up her sleeve. It swung its head around and released a Razor Leaf, right into Kara’s face. Although Kara fainted, her distraction proved a winner as Blaze caught Chicorita in another devastating Ember attack.
Rick and I recalled our fainted Pokèmon at the same time, congratulating each other on the well played battle.
“Good job, Blaze!” I said as I called Kara back out of her Pokèball to heal her. When she came out, she looked utterly depressed.
“Kara,” said Blaze, ever the one to cheer someone up, “You do realize that I couldn't have won the battle if you hadn’t distracted the Chicorita, right?”
“I know,” she replied, “but I still wish I hadn’t fainted.” She still looked sad.
“I know what will cheer you up!” I said, “A picnic lunch! Want to join us Rick?”
“Sure,” he replied, releasing his three Pokèmon (Chicorita, Metapod and Pikachu) to join in, as the ever hungry Eevee perked up.
“So,” I asked Rick while we cleaned up after the picnic (conventionally of course), “How far is it to the nearest town?”
“Only about a day and a bit journey on the same path you’re traveling on now. The towns a small one, not on any maps or anything; it’s called Brookdale.”
“Cool,” I said, happy at the idea that we could refresh our supplies and get cleaned up. “Are you headed that way?” I asked him, “You’re welcome to join us if you want.”
“Sure, I guess. I wasn’t originally headed that direction, but its not too far out of the way to escort a pretty trainer like yourself.”
“If you think I’m pretty you must be a cross-eyed Politoad!” I replied. I had never been too good with compliments. “So what’s this lake called anyways,” I asked, changing the subject abruptly.
“The Lake of Reflection,” he said, still smiling slightly at comeback.
“Wow,” I said sarcastically, “I wonder how it got that name?”
“I dunno,” he said, playing along, “maybe some old guy who likes to think a lot named it.”
We laughed as the two of us and our Pokèmon set off towards Brookdale.
Tra la laa!! There it is, Read, review and correct it por favor! (I'm taking spanish 1)
And as for the PM list, I have
If anyone else wants me to PM when the next chappie is done just let me know!
18th September 2005, 2:43 AM
It was short...
But I don't mind really, she met a boy! :o
And since when were chapters the best on the world during the school year? (No offence, my last chapter sucked in Beyond the Desert Sands. Real badly.) I hope to see more of her powers, they are just so cool! ^^
18th September 2005, 5:16 AM
yea, they are :D well, tahnks for pm'in me, and im glad you did, this is a good story :D
18th September 2005, 3:47 PM
;330; Read, and done. I CLAIM COPYRIGHT ON MY NAME!! Rick's my character. Lay off. Or at least give him a Flygon and back him up with Ho-oh or Suicune. And give him Blaziken. And Swampert. And possibly replace Chicorita with Sceptile.
;359; Sorry 'bout SF, but technically, Rick is his character. Anyway, Rick and Miyah sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
;373; No award yet, but lining up as a Salamence if you work on length a little bit. Plot, superb, Length, needs work, Description, fine, grammar, fine.
3rd October 2005, 1:30 AM
Err... sorry Shiny Flygon... I didnt know that that was your character's name... I only read the first chappie... Do you want me to fix it?
3rd October 2005, 7:12 PM
Don't worry, I pulled an edit, due to reasons I cannot reveal, and Rick's now Sieg. Just don't use the name Sieg(fried) without a Flygon.
EDIT: I just realised all your Pokemon are going to be either Psycic or Fire types.
16th October 2005, 7:13 AM
Ha ha yeah... I have a fetish for those types... And Miyah = Me you know...
Anyways... school is gobbling up my life but im still here... Yay! Anyways... I can only type on weekends now... (parents) so the going's slow... Anyways... post predictions please... They're really fun to read considering I know all the answers... And you might even get some hints... ;)
16th October 2005, 5:22 PM
This is a great fic so far. Add me to the Pm list please. Keep up the good work. Try to add some more Pokemon description. Even though we all know what Chickorita and Metapod look like, it makes it look more professional. Same with attacks describe what is happening with the attack rather than just saying the attack's name. Other than that another great chapter.
16th October 2005, 6:04 PM
Hullo ^^ School's been eating my life too, which is why it took me awhile to show up. XP
Well, not a bad chapter, you spelled some Pokemon wrong a couple times (ChiKorita and PolitoEd) but not bad. I agree with the reviewer before me--breif battle description would be nice as well and occasionally referring to Blaze and Kara as what they look like (Y'know, kinda like how I often refer to Aros as "a verdant/emerald dragon" in LC.) That would spoof the battles up. Oh, and in the first paragraph, you said "the three stopped dead" when it should be "we" since it's first person.
Nice job, keep it up ;)
Nooooo!!! Spanish!!! *dies* (I'm taking Spanish 3)
7th November 2005, 1:29 AM
I did it!! Even with school + major writer's block, I did it! Anyways, Here you go, its rated pg (not that I want your parents reading over your shoulder or anything...) *makes face*
Sorry, off track, aren't I? Here:
“How much further is it?” asked Clover, Rick’s Chikorita. “We’re way off course you know! It’s almost morning again! You said it would be less than a day!”
“Hush, Chikorita,” responded Rick in Pokèspeech, figuring I couldn't understand, “We’ll be there soon. Besides, we still have a week to get there.”
Chikorita snorted, turning and muttering under her voice to Pikachu.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, remembering my grandpa’s words about not revealing my powers, which included Pokèspeech without studies.
“Don’t you know?” he asked, looking surprised, yet strangely relieved, “You work so well with your Pokèmon; I'm surprised you can’t understand.”
“I understand mine fairly well, just not other people’s. Besides,” I added with a look at Clover, “you don’t seem to get along very well with your Pokèmon even with Pokèspeech.”
“Oh, her? She’s just jealous that you get more attention than she does.”
“Why don’t you tell her the truth?” said Clover harshly in Pokèspeech, “That I'm not actually your Pokèmon and that if it wasn’t my master’s wish I wouldn’t be within ten miles of you!”
“Shut it!” hissed Rick through his teeth, in Pokèspeech of course, “I don’t trust her, and I'm sure you don’t either. I just want to see her safely through these woods. When she gets to Brookdale and hears about the ‘guardian’ from those superstitious villagers, she won't be coming back this way. We can't let her discover either of the labs!”
“We should just let the guardian get her!” responded Clover.
“You know the guardian is a fake just as well as I do!” he laughed.
“What's up?” I inserted, feeling wary of my ‘new’ traveling companions, though I did my best not to show it. We had been walking this whole time, throughout Rick and Clover’s conversation, and I had just started to feel uncomfortable eavesdropping. Besides, I would be lost without Rick and couldn't risk a confrontation now.
“Clover just has a bit of a stomach ache,” he replied, while the Chikorita attempted a pained face. Knowing what actually occurred, the grimace seemed to be very fake; although I probably would have believed them in other circumstances.
“That sucks,” I said, then, “Where are we?”
“Um,” Rick stopped and looked around. “We’re a bit off course, but if we just walk through this thicket over here...” he turned and walked off the right.
“Wouldn’t it be smarter to go around the thicket?” asked Chikorita incredulously.
“Shouldn’t we go around the thicket?” I asked to save Rick 'translating'.
“No,” he said, “Its easier to get off course if you don’t go in a straight li—aaaaaaaaaaaahhh...!”
All the Pokèmon and I gaped in astonishment at the place where Rick had just disappeared.
“Rick!?” I called out, moving forward to investigate.
“Careful,” said Kara, looking worried.
When I got to the spot where Rick had vanished, there suddenly wasn’t any ground beneath me anymore!
“Eeeeekk!” I screamed, falling off of the edge of the cliff. My only thoughts were to grab on to something, anything, when suddenly, I did. The most wonderful, beautiful, best placed tree root I had ever seen in my life was suddenly in my hands, stopping my descent.
After a moments pause, my head had cleared enough to take in the situation. I was hanging from a tree root coming out of a small ledge about fifty feet down the side of a cliff, with a hundred or so more feet between me and the ground below. To my surprise, when I looked down, I could see Rick hanging in the same fashion as I from a tree root about ten feet below me and ten feet to my left.
“A little assistance please?” he called plaintively.
“Hold on,” I said, swinging up onto the ledge. As soon as I had secured myself onto the branch, I desperately tried to use my powers, but to no avail. I opened my pack and started digging around frantically for my rope. I had just gotten my hands on it when I hear a loud CRACK! From below me.
“HURRY!” shouted Rick in a panic as his tree root snapped and he was left suspended from the fraying bark.
I hurriedly pulled out the rope and fastened it to my far more secure tree root. I then threw the rope down to him. Unfortunately, his tree root was about ten feet to the side of me, so the rope didn’t get remotely near him.
“Oh no!” I moaned, quickly pulling the rope back up.
* * * * *
All throughout this ordeal, I could hear our Pokèmon’s voices drifting down to us from above, although I tuned them out because there were more pressing matters at hand.
After the first moments of panic before I caught hold of the tree branch, they were discussing how to get us back up.
“Clover, use your Vine Whip!” shouted Pikachu, “We’ve got to get them back up here!”
“Do you seriously think my Vine Whip is that long!?” she said, “I couldn't reach them even if I wanted to!”
“Can anyone evolve into anything useful?” Blaze, ever the sensible one, asked.
“As a Bayleef my vines wouldn’t be any longer,” said Clover; then speaking for the mute Metapod, “A Butterfree wouldn’t be of much help either, seeing as they can't lift anything heavier than a toothpick...”
“Raichu?” said Pikachu, “Wouldn’t be any more helpful. Besides, I’d need a thunderstone...”
“If I could skip Charmeleon, Charizard would be helpful, but, seeing as I can't...”
All of the Pokèmon turned to look at Kara, an Eevee.
“I’d need a stone to evolve,” she said, looking utterly depressed. “Darn it!” she wailed suddenly, “my master’s life depends on me and I can't do anything!! AARGH!”
Suddenly, she started to glow with a shimmery light, which at first the other Pokèmon contributed to the sun, casting the first rays of dawn into the sky, before they realized that she was evolving.
“She’s evolving with friendship!” exclaimed Blaze, “she’ll either turn into an Espeon or an Umbreon, depending whether it’s night or day, but with it being like this, she probably gets to choose for herself!”
The Pokèmon gasped as, a few moments later, Kara reappeared into the sun-bathed morning, in all the glory of an Espeon.
* * * * *
I tied the rope around my waist, cinching it as tight as I could before jumping off of my branch. I rappelled down to just about the same height as where Rick was.
“Hold out your hand!” I called as I started swinging back and forth, getting closer and closer to Rick each time. The branch above me groaned and swayed, but not nearly as loud as Rick’s tree root.
The root he was clinging to had snapped, then frayed, down to it’s last miniscule fibers. As I swung towards him on my last swing, almost there, the root broke. Rick seemed to hang there, in midair, for an hour, a millisecond, I wasn’t sure. With my last ounce of strength, I dove towards him, reaching out for his outstretched hand as he started to fall...
Mwahahahahahahahahahaaaa! I love cliffhangers!! (get it? Cliff hangers??) hahahahahahahahaa! *dances around retardedly at stupid pun*
Anyways, I actually went on a splurge when I wrote this, I'm already halfway done with eight too, so as soon as I get replies, I'll be able to post it...
EDIT: Yes, in my fic, Pokespeech is like a whole other language that people learn... It's actually quite rare because you have to take six years of it in school to even remotely understand your Pokemon...
7th November 2005, 3:03 AM
I really hate it when you can't show off our powers or anything, but I understand why it's a good idea too. And you're already almost don'e with the next chapter? Great! I'm in a rush so I'm post a more complete review later. For now: great job!
7th November 2005, 3:16 AM
wow, this is good, wish i could say teh same for your puns, worse than numbah 2, i give your pun a 1/1000000, i give this story a 9.9/10
7th November 2005, 3:22 AM
Wow, you both responded to that fast!
I really hate it when you can't show off our powers or anything, but I understand why it's a good idea too.
Huh? Oh, you mean when she couldn't get her powers to work? Weren't you the one who said I should make it so she isn't perfect? I thought it was a good thought, so I added it in here (it adds to the suspence too).
See? When you reply, I take it to heart. This is why I really need your guyses replies! *makes a cute puppy dog face* Yay!
Don't worry though, she gets to show off her powers a lot in the next chappie!!
*makes hurt face over pun comment* Oh, really? And here I thought it was a good one... Whatever though, your story rating outshines your pun one by far, you just made my day! *grins broadly* I love compliments! *smile makes the moon shine brighter*
Over and out!
She really has one now>>;196;~ Chareon
EDIT: Chapter 9 is done now, I'm just waiting for some more replies... ^^
EDIT AGAIN: How come when you have nothing written, your readers review a lot, and when you have the next chapter ready but dont want to double post nobody reviews :( *sniffles then retreats into corner, hugging Mew stuffed animal depressedly*
14th November 2005, 2:20 AM
Umm, can't wait for next chapter! ^^
3rd December 2005, 8:11 PM
Well... here it is, Chapter 8! It's more of a filler chapter (I hate that) but you readers would be awful confused if I didn't put it in there... *coughs* I've been sick, that's why it has taken me so long to get this up, yes, I have been done for a while... There is a funny part if I do say so myself *laughs**starts coughing* Gah... *makes odd face* Cant even laugh without coughing, it sucks!
Onward and upward...
Rating: pg 11? *snorts* blech, I hate rating my chappies but... anyways!
“Gotcha!” I shouted triumphantly as I caught Rick by the hand. Laughing (somewhat hysterically) I pulled him up to where he could reach the rope. He then proceeded to climb up to the stable tree branch. I climbed up after him, and when I got close to the top, he reached down and offered me his hand. He pulled me up, and we sat there on the small ledge with our arms wrapped around each other for safety, grateful to be alive.
After a few minutes of just enjoying life, Rick turned to me. “You saved me!” he said, with awe in his voice, “Thank you.”
“I-it was nothing,” I said, faltering as I realized how close he was and how intimate it was with just the two of us stranded on a small ledge.
“But it was something! I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you,” he said gazing into my eyes, “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” he asked.
“Um, yeah, I-I'm pretty sure...”
We both started and looked up. It was Blaze. “We have a way to get you up!” he shouted, grinning slightly as he realized that he’d interrupted.
“What's that?” I called.
“Kara,” he said simply as a dainty purple cat-like face peeked over the edge of the abyss. With long, silky ears and long, elegant whiskers, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“Oh, wow,” I whispered softly to myself, then I shouted up, “Kara, I'm glad you evolved and all, but you still can't use Psychic or anything helpful like that. You aren’t a high enough level.”
“Oh, really?” she said, sounding amused. Even her voice was different, more of a tinkley sound rather than rough like it was. “You never scanned me into your Pokčdex, Miyah, how would you have any idea what level I am?”
She was right, I never did scan her in. “What level are you then?”
“You'll just have to fly up here and find out!” she said as her eyes started to glow blue. Suddenly, we were both lifted up into the air, as if there was no more gravity in our little area. Pulling a pocketknife out of my sock, I severed to rope and we drifted freely upwards to come to rest on the patch of clear ground the Pokčmon had found not too far away from the edge of the cliff. As soon as she released us, I pulled out my Pokčdex and scanned her ball into it.
“Twenty-four!” I exclaimed, “How, how...”
“When Pokčmon evolve, they gain ten levels,” she explained.
“But Blaze is only five!”
“Twelve,” coughed Blaze.
“Oh!” I was astonished. I never thought Pokčmon could gain levels so fast.
“I need to go home...” said Rick suddenly. “I almost died back there. Miyah, the trail is due east, you can't miss it.” He recalled his Pokčmon. “Well, see you around!”
He turned and started to walk away, but then he stopped. He turned, walked back and threw his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. “Thanks again for saving me,” he said before disappearing into the woods.
* * *
Blaze giggled. “Shut it,” I said blushing.
“But it’s so funny,” said Kara, giggling as well.
“Miyah’s got a boyfriend,” they both chanted, squealing as I started chasing them along the path. “When I catch up to you guys, I swear I’ll bash both of your heads together,” I yelled, but then even I started laughing as Blaze tripped over a tree root, skidding along the ground, with the ‘graceful’ Espeon crashing full on into his backside.
“HA!” I shouted, tackling them both in one pounce, getting grass stains all down my front, not to mention a mouthful of dirt.
“Is that any way for a young lady to be acting in the Mayor of Brookdale’s back yard?”
The three of us froze, looking to see where the voice had come from.
An old man, perhaps seventy-five years old was standing nearby. Despite his stern tone of voice, he had a smile on his face.
I got up, dusting myself off (spitting out some dirt and grass blades too) before apologizing, “Sorry, sir, I didn’t realized the trail ended. I don’t normally tackle my Pokčmon on people’s back lawns,”
“Don’t worry, it happens all the time,” he said reassuringly. “Wait,” he said, realizing his mistake as Blaze, Kara and I started laughing. “I don’t normally have people tackling Pokčmon on my back lawn, but people walk right into my backyard all the time.”
“Oh,” I said, still laughing slightly.
“Here, you look like you’ve been traveling for a while. Why don’t you come into my house and freshen up? I don’t normally have visitors, but I love it when I do,” he said, gesturing for us to follow before turning and walking off.
“Sure,” I said without hesitating.
Blaze gave me a stern look. “Seriously, you are way too trusting.”
“He seems nice enough,” I said, following him.
Blaze rolled his eyes before following Kara (who was also quite trusting) and I after the man.
To our surprise, the man led us right into the adjoining house. “Oh,” I exclaimed, surprised, “You’re the mayor!”
“Nice, Miyah,” said Kara sarcastically, waving her long forked tail in amusement.
“Heh,” I said, laughing at my own stupidity.
As soon as we had entered the house, a mouthwatering aroma greeted our noses. “Mmm... What’s that smell?” I asked.
“I bet your hungry. It’s pizza, do you want some?”
“Yes, please!” the three of us chorused at the same time.
* * *
“So,” asked the mayor, watching us stuff ourselves, (he had already eaten) “What brings you into our neck of the wood?”
“Well,” I said, after a considerable amount of chewing to finish my bite enough to speak, “It was my birthday, and my friend Jaymi brought out her Murkrow and I went berserk and my grandpa told me I had this special power...” I randomly decided to spill my guts to a perfect stranger, (much to Blaze’s dismay) but to his surprise, the Mayor was quite understanding,
“And you clearly overheard the boy say that the guardian is a fake?” he asked.
“Of course,” I affirmed before starting to stuff my face again.
“You see,” he said, explaining everything, “there are two labs around here, and both work on the same thing; genetics. Ever since I can remember, they have been rivals, racing each other to come up with the better ideas first. I read the article you mentioned; as soon as it came out, people flocked from all over to see if they could be merged with Pokčmon. No one fit the right description until one boy came along. Soon after, both of the labs refused visitors, as they were too delighted with the discovery of the boy to deal with anyone else. To discourage anyone who might try to spy on them, the two labs joined together for the first time in centuries and selected a guardian. The guardian’s job was to keep all travelers off of the path leading to the labs, and to keep the rivals away from each other. Now I guess they have replaced the guardian with a fake.”
“So both of the labs got to share the boy?” I asked.
“No,” said the mayor, “The lab known as Lab-S got the boy, the other lab, Lab-that-isn’t-S, were only kept happy because of some top-secret information the boy imparted on them as an ‘I'm sorry’ for choosing the other lab sort-of-thing.”
“What did the ‘S’ stand for?” I asked, smiling slightly at the name of the other lab.
“Scyther, the Pokčmon the boy merged with.”
“Oh.” I said, before asking, “What was the ‘top-secret’ information?”
“That there are two other people out there who could definitely qualify to be merged with other Pokčmon.”
“That makes sense!” I exclaimed, “My grandfather told me that there were three unrelated embryos with the power. That means... I’m one of the other ones!!”
There *sighs* Dont worry, the next chapter is way more exciting! *cowers behind pillow, waiting for criticisms to be thrown* AAK!
3rd December 2005, 8:38 PM
HULLO!!!! *Crashes into thread on giant mystic Lugia plushy.*
*Walks in, dusting self off and shrinking plushy to smaller size.* Yeah, I'm here, and right at the right time it looks like! ^^ Okyday, two new chapters, so I'll do two separate reviews.
Yeah, the scene where both of them fell of the cliff seemed rather awkward and out of place, but it seems like it's just the way you worded it is all. Like maybe at the end of the line where he screams, you could could add: he said, screaming suddenly as he fell through the underbrush and disappeared from sight. I liked the way you handled Kara's evolution, that was an interesting idea.
They grow ten levels when they evolve. So...when blaze reaches level 16, he'll jump to 26 as Charmeleon. Wooshie. oO; Oh yeah, and wouldn't Rick realize that she could fully understand Pokespeech with that big in-dpth conversation she holds with her Pokes?
Ah...so the whole lab story thickens! The guardian concept has me lost, however...why would they replace the guardian? Was the original one a Pokemon/experiment/whatever, and how could the new one be a fake?
Now...some technicality questions. The boy was merged with Scyther, and there were supposedly two other people. Now, her grandfather has a Pokemon power, and so does Miyah. She inherited her powers from her heritage, so how could she have been one of the "three unrelated embryos" becasue that makes it sould like the scientists created the three people that were able to be merged with a Pokemon. And the Scyther boy wouldn't be an embryo if they found him during the search for someone of the right description. @.@;
Or am I just totally misinterpreting everything? oO;
3rd December 2005, 11:21 PM
Chibi Pika covered everything I, erm, would see. :p
But overall, it wasn't so bad, just concentrate on beefing up some of the paragraphs, like telling us how the old man guy looked like. I've never seen anybody who was older than 65 before, so I don't have the slightest clue what he would look like.
Other than that and the gain ten levels when evolving thing, this pretty much lived up to me expectations. Of course me means me last sentence. ^^
11th December 2005, 5:52 PM
wow... yay! big reviews... love that!
chibi pika: with the guardian thing... it was a financial problemo... ill put that in there... major spoilers ahoy: (well just for the next chapter)
um the origonal guardian was just a powerful battler... well, he was also dressed up to look intimidating (<-sp??) well... you aren't supposed to know that yet because she meets the new guardian and he's supposed to look like the old one so he fools the people of the village... the people of the village are ultra superstitious as you'll soon see...
oh and shes a descendant of the three unrelated embryos... ill put that in too, thank you... three in every generation...
ratiasu: um.. i've never seen anyone either... oh, wait... okay, i'll make him look like my grandpa! ;)
thanks for the reviews... next chappie will be here soon as i finish... probly within a couple weeks...!
okay, well... later!
oh, and you aren't crazy, i'm going through a no capitolization phase i can't seem to see the point of it...
17th December 2005, 7:27 PM
Sorry for not replying or a while but i've been busy with exams and things like that in school. The last two chapters are interesting and I'm really gettin into this fic.
Only thing I don't get is why she would randomly tell her story to an old man she just met?
17th December 2005, 8:55 PM
Argh don't remind me, I hate school with all of the projects and such... Eew... Anyways, I'm really glad you like it! I'm not really sure myself why she tells him, it's just supposed to be random. Miyah is very trusting, to the point of stupidity, (which will be shown more and more in chappies to come) while Blaze is exactly the opposite. I put it in there to add a bit of character conflict.
Well, I have done about one line of the next chappie (sorry) but theres a reason. I'm going back and re-editing all of my chapters so they will be a bit better, it was really starting to bother me. I haven't changed them here yet, only on mw, but I'll get there soon. Meanwhile, I will still be working on my next chappie; I have more free time now that winter break has started (YAY!)
Maybe I'll put the next chappie up as a Winter (used to say Christmas, not anymore) gift... *gets good idea* yeah.. cool! Well, anyways, thanks for the reviews and the next chapppie will be done shortly.
18th December 2005, 12:30 PM
;330; Can't be bothered to check the other posts. Overall it's OK, but you could describe people better.
;359; It's bittersweet when you're prediction only takes two chapters to come true. I was mocking Saber and Kai for easily over 10.
;373; Just shut up Cina. Length average, characters, rather plain to be blunt, Pokemon, alright, if overpowered, description, s'alright, but could be better, plot, ever turning, the key redeeming feature. Overall it's about a Vibrava award fic, but it has plenty of time to improve and reach Salalmence or Flygon(Flygon is the top award).
22nd December 2005, 10:08 PM
any idea when the next chappie will be up?
26th December 2005, 2:59 AM
Don't post just to ask when the next chapter will be up.
8th January 2006, 8:24 AM
Don't post just to ask when the next chapter will be up.
how long will it take you to put up next chapter Chareon ?
i want to know because i can not wait to keep read your story.
8th January 2006, 8:28 AM
I like the orginality of your idea Chea of poeple have pokemon DNA in then.
i will keep reading your fic at the monment I am reading about 3 fics at one time so if i get a bit mixed bit up in facts please forgive me.
8th January 2006, 2:31 PM
Don't double post, dear, there's an edit button. I would think that homework= slow down and school= writer's block, in which I'm also suffering.
9th January 2006, 4:09 AM
Ur, right sorry there i still have not really got this posting thing yet Ratiasu ):
i will to remeber to edit when i need to.
Thanks for telling me ^_^
21st January 2006, 4:35 AM
To answer all of the questions... The new chappie is coming up NOW!! *celebrates* I am soooo sorry about the huge wait guys, I really am! *conscience twinges*
Yes, Ratiasu, you are absolutely right, school is eating my life. *groans* Why do the teachers pile everything up like this?!?
It's bittersweet when you're prediction only takes two chapters to come true. I was mocking Saber and Kai for easily over 10.
^^There is more to this that meets the eye... A lot of things like this that you guys are commenting on come back later in the story as a plot twist. Just wait it out.
plot, ever turning, the key redeeming feature.
O_o yeah, I guess I need to work on the other things you mentioned... But at least theres one good thing! *looks hopeful*
I like the orginality of your idea Chea of poeple have pokemon DNA in then.
i will keep reading your fic at the monment I am reading about 3 fics at one time so if i get a bit mixed bit up in facts please forgive me.
Yay! Welcome, Demy! I'm glad you like it! Er, what's Chea?
Well, here it is. I will need a lot of patience from you guys on this one, in my opinion it isn't very good, but it does start to strengthen characters a bit. Feel free to edit/constructively critisize!
Rating: the usual, PG
I woke up the next morning to the sounds of the Tailows chirping and the Pidgeys cooing. Soft morning sunlight streamed in through the window of the spare bedroom the mayor had lent us for the night. I yawned and stretched, lying down, too comfy to get up. With my movement, Kara also awoke. She had been sleeping curled up at the foot of the bed, and now she stretched as well. Standing up, she stretched, daintily and gracefully, fore and aft.
Finally done, she turned to me. “Good morning!” she exclaimed brightly.
“Same to you!” I said, grabbing Blaze’s Pokèball off of the bedside table, releasing him from within.
“Gah, stupid tail flame!” he said grumpily, emerging in a flash of blue light, “I wish I could sleep on the bed like you, Kara!”
“Isn't it comfy inside the Pokèball, Blaze?” I asked, always figuring Pokèmon didn’t mind them.
“Not as comfortable as that bed looks,” he said longingly.
“It’s like suspended reality,” Kara explained, “you remember coming in, then you come out as if no time passed, healed to whatever degree depending on how long you ‘slept’.”
“Oh,” I replied, just as a knock sounded at the bedroom door.
“Come in!” I called.
“Ah, I see you’re all awake,” said the mayor, walking in. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, wonderfully,” I answered gratefully as Blaze snorted.
“Great,” he said, smiling. “I'm guessing you'll want to stock up on supplies before you set off for the labs? There’s a great Mart down the street that’s got everything you'll need. I’m just warning you though, it might be a little bit crowded, with it being Sunday and all.”
“Thank you,” I said, getting up out of bed as he smiled and walked away.
“So you are going to one of the labs then?” asked Blaze.
“Yes, if you guys don’t mind that is,” I answered.
“So you’re going to try to merge with Kara then?” he asked, catching me completely off guard.
“Um,” I looked at him uncomfortably. “I never really thought of that.”
“Well, it makes sense now that Kara evolved and all. She’s Psychic now too. Of course,” he said, looking at Kara, “if you had any objections, then...”
“Blaze,” said Kara, “you know I wouldn’t have a problem with that. It’s you who might!”
“Why would I?” he asked incredulously.
I now realized where Kara was heading with this.
“Well,” said Kara hesitantly, “you were her first Pokèmon and I was hoping you wouldn’t feel jealous or left out or anything...”
“I...” Blaze cut himself off and paused for a moment. “I’ll be fine. I know you weren’t thinking of this when you evolved, Kara, and I know that I will be able to continue to be Miyah’s friend and companion no matter what happens.”
After a hearty breakfast (pancakes), the three of us meandered down the road to the Mart. As soon as we walked through the sliding doors, we were stunned by the number of people there in such a small town.
“The whole village is here, huh?” said Blaze.
“Looks like it,” I said, raising my voice slowly over the hubbub.
“What’s on the list?” asked Kara. “We are getting some of those squishy white thing-a-ma-bobbers, right?”
“You mean the marshmallows? Of course they’re on there. You’ve been badgering me to get more since we ran out two days ago.”
“Good,” said Kara, a look of rapture in her eyes.
“We aren’t going to last long in the woods on just marshmallow, Kara,” said Blaze, slightly accusingly. “We need things slightly more substantial.”
“Like what?” Kara replied as I grabbed a shopping cart. “Just because you burn the marshmallows into ashes before eating them doesn’t mean they aren’t yummy. I bet you can't even taste them!”
“We Charmanders always like our food well done. You barely even get it warm!”
“Guys, guys, rather than arguing over how to properly roast a marshmallow, let’s go restock on supplies, okay?” I turned and walked off, pushing the cart in front of me. Blaze and Kara shot each other quizzical looks before turning and following suit. After making an exaggerated show of not seeing the marshmallows (over which Kara started to get frantic because she couldn’t reach), I proceeded to grab some staple foods, along with matches, water, evaporated milk, toothpaste, a brush for Kara’s silky fur, and some ointment to keep Blaze’s scales from getting flakey.
“Anything else?” I asked, checking the list. “I think that’s all.”
“No,” said Blaze thoughtfully, “that’s not all. You ought to get yourself something special. You already got Kara and me something, so why not treat yourself?” He gestured to the brush and the salve.
“Ooh, yes, great idea Blaze! Get something cool, Miyah!” Kara bounced up and down in quite an unseemly way for an Espeon.
“Hmm, okay, I guess I could do that, if you guys insist. But what should I get?” I looked around thoughtfully. My eyes came to rest on a display of reading material.
“Hey, you know what? I had forgotten, the next book in the series I like just came out...” I wandered over and started looking through the books.
“What is it called?” asked Kara curiously.
“Umm, let’s see, I thing the last one was number twenty or so, called The Prophesy... no wait, the last one was called The Revival...”
“Yes, but what is this one called?” Kara asked impatiently.
I strained my memory, trying to remember. Finally it came to me. “The Guardian!”
Suddenly, the silence was absolute. The ruckus of everyone doing their Sunday shopping of half of a second before was gone. All of the shoppers had stopped in their tracks, looking at me with a sudden fear in their eyes.
“What did you say?” asked the clerk in a hushed voice.
“Er, The Guardian? Do you have that book? It’s supposed to be quite goo...”
“Shh!” said a man standing near me, while a woman nearby covered her young daughter’s ears. Realization suddenly dawned on me.
“What’s wrong with me saying guardian?”
“DON’T say it!” said the man who had shushed me previously, his eyes widening in fear. “They say he has ears everywhere, the sound of that word draws his attention, spies, spies, he’ll kill our young ones!!” The man’s eyes now had a maniacal glint to them. “Leave, leave our town! Don’t come back! Maybe he’ll just take you. Maybe he’ll spare us over this sacrifice! SACRIFICE!”
I suddenly began to be afraid as I noticed that most of the other villagers looked like they agreed with him, the same maniacal look in their eyes. “Can’t I just finish buying my stuff first?” I asked warily. “I’m just about to leave anyways...”
I started as I heard the clerk’s voice in my ear, “Just take the stuff, leave. This isn’t the first time this has happened. Leave the cart at the second turn in the path in the woods, I’ll get it later.”
He had scarcely finished speaking when Kara, Blaze and I were out the door, the shopping cart making a loud, clattering noise over the cobblestones as we sprinted away like mad creatures, out of the fear-tainted town.
****** (*'s inspired by Ratiasu ;))
Well? Does it pass muster? Please reply!
Oh, and Demy, would you like for me to PM you in the future when the next chapter is up?
Okey dokeys then, later!
21st January 2006, 7:40 PM
Okay, the rest of me's out to lunch. Anyway, one bit felt rushed, you could've explained merging a little more. The paranoia was well done, and the description is getting better. Overall it's improved, but you are rushing too much in some places. Just, pace yourself and don't worry about 'deadlines'. This is your fic, and we'll wait, so always put the most you can into parts instead of rushing them.
22nd January 2006, 2:50 PM
A bit of sage- wel not sage, but advice. Separate your ending snipits with a line or some dashes, because I read your ending notes and went "that's not a part of the story!" XB I'm so gullible.
The ending brings a cliffhanger goodness! Can't wait to find out! Now onto the criticism.
I don't have much this time.But it needs more emotion.Of course, the end was suspenseful and frightening, but you could describe how the character is feeling, and add to your description with purty metaphors. I like metaphors, and I often use them in fanfiction mainly for emotional or descriptive purposes without realizing it, or the fact that I sometimes come up with my own. You could use:
I felt my heart beating at a pace at which made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle, for the beating seemed to whisper "leave." The eyes of the people agreed, with a threatening glint that showed fear.
Or something like that.
Anyways, more compliments. This time you choose a right place to end the chapter, and you had quite a lot of humor in it. Your characters are real (at least to me), and they're not flat robots with half a brain. :D
23rd January 2006, 5:53 AM
Hi! Yeah.... ditto to you, Ratiasu.... I think. Whatever happend to my PM for chapter nine? Whatever. Anyways, keep up the good work!
25th January 2006, 6:08 PM
I agree with Nylf in that I thought the chapter was a bit rushed. The descripton was decent but I did think that by adding a bit more in a few locations could have really got the mood of the chapter across better. Good cliffhanger at the end!
I can't wait for the next chappie. Any idea when it will be up?
27th January 2006, 4:15 AM
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry blazerman3000!!! I felt like I was forgetting somebody! Dang... Well, you read the chapter, so I guess it's okay... Wow, the cliffhanger was better recieved than I thought! Coolio! I realized that it did sound a bit rushed, but I had only one page of it done on Microsoft Word up until the day before I posted it... Then I had a consience twang so I posted it before I could read it myself...!
I've already started on chapter 10, (about 2 1/2 pages) but I think I will go back and work on Chapter 9 for a bit... It does needs more dialouge, emotion and description... I'll keep that in mind when I edit.
ARGH!! Why is it that according to physics it should only take 15 miutes to boil two quarts of water and it takes me a bleeping hour!!!!!
Ahem, sorry for the random outburst, but I have just discovered the truth of the proverb, "a watched pot never boils". Never a truer word was spoken!!
Er.. the next chappie will be up soon... considering I can only go on the computer weekends and the only reson I'm on today is that I really shouldn't be on.
Um, well, I will continue to look foreward to replies... Got to go check to see if the water is boiling yet...!
28th January 2006, 10:55 PM
Doesn't seem rushed so much as short...still, not bad. The shopping was simple, but somehow satisfying just the same. Nice way of bringing in the guardian. Admittedly however, I still don't get merging. So the person and the Pokemon get mixed? How would their individual personalities be affected by that? oO; Anywho, I like the ending.
29th January 2006, 4:56 AM
Put me on the PM list as well i try to review but as everyone knows PRENATS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so times to might only get to read and not review until some other time. ):
but i will try my hardest .
i love you writing keep it up
i think i have spell something wrong ?
12th February 2006, 2:58 AM
Hi! *smiles brightly*
Admittedly however, I still don't get merging. So the person and the Pokemon get mixed? How would their individual personalities be affected by that? oO;
Um... it's explained better later on... it would be out of character for Miyah just to know exactly what happens... because she has no idea herself, just basically.
Well, anyways, sorry about how late this is... but heres the new chappie! I finisjed so long ago it's embarassing... 1st i was banned... then the day i could go back on i sat down and typed all 10 pages of this chappie in one setting (yes, 10 pages it just seemed sacrilige to cut it in half) but then my computer broke! i accidentally kicked it... (it seems to be quite sensitive to that) and it wouldnt turn on... so finally in the middle of the week we fixed it, but im not allowed on the computer weekdays!!! OMG! Well, anyways, heres the new chappie... hope ten pages isnt too long, just tell me and I'll split it somehow...
Rating: PGish, when people cuss in my writing i just write "he cursed" or sumfin like that so I dont think the ratings will ever go up.
Finally, we slowed down, panting hoarsely after our run.
“Any idea where the second turn in the path was guys?” We looked around. We were still on a trail, a dirt trail, a little like the one we had taken to get into Brookdale, although this one was much less trodden upon. The noon sun spilled through the canopy, creating waterfalls of sweltering heat.
“I dunno,” said Blaze. “I forgot to count them. If I had to make a guess though, I’d say we passed it already.”
Kara hopped up into the shopping cart, landing in the part where you put little kids, and began grooming her face. “Yuck, I'm all sweaty! Don’t worry guys, we haven’t gotten there yet.”
Blaze gave her a curious look. “And how exactly do you know that?”
“I’m psychic. Of course I know.” Kara looked primly down at Blaze from her perch in the cart’s basket.
“Well, it doesn’t really matter how she knows, Blaze, as long as she does. Here, let’s pack away all of this stuff.” The three of us stuffed all of the cans and such into my backpack. “Oof!” I said as I hoisted it up onto my back. “This is heavy!”
“Sorry I can’t help, Miyah,” said Blaze.
“It’s okay, its not that bad. About half as light as my school backpack was!” I joked. “And if you really want to help, the two of you can push the cart!”
We continued walking, me, trudging along with the heavy backpack, Kara and Blaze both pushing the cart by the bar at the very bottom. The clattering of the cart broke the stillness of the forest. I looked over at it, worried.
“I bet every creature in the entire forest can hear that. I hope we can drop it off soon.”
“You’re worried about the guardian, huh?” asked Blaze perceptively.
“A little,” I admitted. “Even though Rick said the guardian was a fake, what if we can't get past him? Then what will we do?”
“We’ll try again later, when we’re even stronger, that’s what we’ll do. Don’t worry Miyah, we’ll do our best.” Kara nodded fervently in agreement to Blaze’s statement.
“All right,” I said, shaking off my fears, “Let's keep moving.”
We dropped off the cart in the woods as the path made a second turn, altering its course more westward. We followed the trail, glad to be rid of the noisy cart, but slightly unnerved at the stillness of this part of the forest. The sounds of our feet made crunching noises on the dead leaves that litter the ground, while there was an occasional ping of Blaze’s claws striking a rock. The canopy above us became thicker as we continued northwest, with only occasional patches of sunlight to be seen, pillars of light holding the woodland temple up.
Finally, we came to the edge of a clearing in the trees, a lake of sunlight amidst the shade.
“Can we eat, please? Lunchtime was three hours ago!” I could hear Kara’s stomach gurgle, reminding me that I was hungry too.
“Sorry, Kara, since you weren’t complaining as usual, I figured you weren’t hungry yet. Sure, we can eat.” I smiled as the irrepressible Kara bounded into the center of the clearing, stopping near a nice sized rock.
“Here, we can use this as a table!”
“Cool!” I walked into the clearing, with Blaze following close behind me. When I reached the rock, I set down the pack with a groan, rotating my shoulders to relieve the ache. Almost as an echo of my groan, a hugely magnified growl shook the clearing around us, shattering the tranquility of the dell.
“WHO DARES AWAKEN THE WRATH OF THE GUARDIAN!?” The sound seemed to coming from all around us.
My eyes widened with fright, and I could feel my pulse quickening. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Kara shaking like a leaf in the breeze. Gathering up my courage, I shouted, “Uh, Mr. Guardian sir, we just um, wanted to get to the labs. Is that all right? Please?”
“NONE SHALL PASS!”
As the next rumbling proclamation occurred, I noticed that Blaze was no longer behind me. Looking around, I saw him creeping out of the clearing towards a large oak tree. When he saw my puzzled glance, he held a clawed finger to his lips and winked. My fear dissipated immediately. Understanding that he wanted me to distract the guardian, I turned back and shouted, “Well, that’s just great, Mr. Guardian dude, because to answer your first question, my name is None. May I go now?”
As I watched, Blaze reached the tree and started scaling it. As he reached the lowest branch, he reached into the leafy foliage and pulled out a small black box with cords hanging out of it. As the guardian shouted again, I realized it was a speaker!
“NO!!” Blaze winced and rubbed his ear, or the place where his ear should be, considering he doesn’t have any. Frantically, I gestured to him that he should pull the cord out. He shook his head and hopped out of the tree, still holding the speaker. Then, he started following the cord, signaling me to follow. With Kara following behind me, I crept after him, out of the clearing and towards a thicket of tall bushes. Blaze grinned at me, exposing his small pointed canines. I mimed us jumping into the clearing and started counting down on my fingers: three, two... one! We leapt into the thicket, shouting, only to stop in surprise at whom we saw there.
“How... what... why...?” I stuttered, shocked. Blaze and Kara looked as shocked as I was.
Looking slightly ridiculous sitting in a swivel chair at a desk with a computer and stereo equipment on it in the middle of a forest was the Mayor. He cursed loudly when he saw us, leaping up from his chair, sending it rolling to the edge of the concrete slab that the small sound studio was sitting on.
“You’re the guardian?” I asked incredulously.
“Did you listen to anything I told you? I’m a fake! A fake! The point of all of this scam is to keep people away from the labs!”
“Well, you know why we want to go there, and I'm sure we’d be welcomed at the labs. Aren’t I exactly what they’ve been looking for this whole time?” I queried.
“Well, you see, there’s a problem. Lab-that-isn’t-S wants you, but Lab-S doesn’t want Lab-that-isn’t-S to have you. I just so happen to get paid more by Lab-s, a little bonus if I can keep people like you away from Lab-that-isn’t-S... So you see, I just can’t let you pass.” The light of greed danced in his eyes, so different from what I remembered of him before.
“And how’s that? And old geezer like you couldn’t stop all three of us!” Blaze clenched his paw into a fist in from of him, his threatening pose conveying his meaning perfectly, even if the Mayor couldn't understand.
Surprisingly enough, he could. “I think it’s more like three on three!” He reached down and opened a drawer to his desk, and as he did, I could hear a rolling sound. He reached in and pulled out two Pokčballs, shouting, “Go, Bayleef, Houndoom!”
In twin flashes of light, a green, leafy dinosaur popped out, the evolved form of a Chikorita, the main difference being size; and a large, dog-like Pokčmon. It was black, with a tan muzzle and belly flattering its pelt. The most shocking part of its form was the twin horns sprouting from the top of his head, in place of his ears. Matching off-white bands striped its back, like ribs. It also had a necklace type bone coming around the back of its neck, meeting in the center of its chest with a skull, which complimented the double bone bracelets on each of its four paws.
I felt a familiar rage in my stomach, like when I had first seen Murkrow, I closed my eyes, hoping not to lose control, but surprisingly, nothing happened. I remembered that Grandpa had said it only happened if the Pokčmon’s level was lower than mine was, so I inferred it was a rather high-leveled Pokčmon.
The Houndoom looked around, slowly acquiring a morose look as it took in its surroundings, putting its thin spaded tail between its legs as it saw the Mayor, whimpering. “Shut up, pathetic thing!” snapped the Mayor, kicking out at it harshly.
It leaped back, yelping, barely avoiding the tip of his boot. The Bayleef looked at him scornfully, saying, “I agree!” in a voice I recognized with a jolt, though it was deeper than I remembered.
“Clover!? It’s you! Where’s Rick?” Kara looked up at me, shocked, before turning to scrutinize the Bayleef, looking more and more surprised when she began to recognize her.
“He returned me to my real owner, thankfully. Although, he was an unpleasant surprise when I returned.” She nodded her leaf topped head towards the Houndoom.
“Oh, so that’s who you guys were talking about that one day! The Mayor is your owner?”
“You can understand me? You know Pokčspeech?” Clover looked scandalized. She cursed. “You heard all that about the guardian? And that’s why you’re here, to see if it’s true?”
“Not exactly, Clover,” said the Mayor, “but I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to explain after we kick their butts! Houndoom, use Shadow ball on that Espeon!”
I belatedly remembered that Espeon was at a huge disadvantage to the dark type Houndoom. Kara obviously had known that from the start, for she immediately looked to me for instructions. “Um, Kara, use Reflect, Blaze, get behind it too.”
The Houndoom meanwhile rose its muzzle to the sky, letting loose an earth-shattering howl as an orb of darkness formed over his snout. His howl trailed off, and he brought the sphere down, aimed for Espeon and blew it towards her.
The pulsating black globe floated towards her like a dandelion seed while she concentrated her powers and created an invisible glass-like wall about four feet in front of her.
Blaze meanwhile hadn’t gotten behind the shield. He looked at me, panicked. Quickly he ran towards Kara. The shadow ball had just reached the shield and rather than being deflected as I thought it would, it floated right through. “Kara, dodge it!”
Kara stepped a few feet to the side as if to let it float past, but it altered course and continued drifting towards her. By now, I had panicked. Clover was lying on the ground, rolling around laughing fit to burst at our attempts.
The ball was about to hit Kara when Blaze jumped in front of her, his back to Houndoom and pushed her away, taking the attack in the back for her. I watched him convulse, horror registering on Kara’s face as she realized he was taking this for her. “Blaze! NO!” I yelled, distraught. He shrieked in pain as the darkness ate away at him. Suddenly though, a bright light seemed to radiate from within him, causing the blackness to shrivel away into wisps of smoke.
“Wha...?” Then I realized what was happening as his form, now completely engulfed in light, grew larger. The light faded, revealing my new Charmeleon.
Now he was just a bit shorter than me, with bigger claws and teeth than he used to have. His large expressive Charmander eyes had been replaced with smaller and more angular ones, giving him a perpetually angry look. He also had a new horn sprouting on the back of his head, the same burn orange color as the rest of him still was.
“Oh,” I said in wonder, as he looked at me and said, “Now I can carry the backpack!” his eyes radiated pride before he closed them and fell over in a faint. “Blaze, return.” His new Charmeleon body dematerialized as I wondered what to do. Kara wasn’t going to last long with the Houndoom there, and my only hope had just blacked out.
Suddenly, the bushes to my left rustled and a small teal and cream colored figure bounded out in front of me and started speaking to me, so fast I couldn’t understand it. “Wait, wait, speak more slowly please! I can’t understand you!” I said, quite loudly to make myself heard over its jabbering.
“Oh, sorry sorry didn’t mean it just wanted to fight for you gotta get that Houndoom. Ooh, gotta get’im gotta git’im he killed my little brother he did, killed him dead dead as a doornail, didn’t even think twice oh no please please lemme fight?” This was still delivered at a blistering speed, but it was at least understandable. The little Quilava looked up at me, his burgundy eyes begging me as he clasped his ferrety paws in front of him.
I looked to Kara, and she nodded vigorously, realizing we desperately needed the help. I turned back to the Quilava. “If you want to, go right ahead!”
The Quilava squealed in happiness, jabbering a bunch of what I guessed were thank yous as he bounded out onto the battlefield, loathing in his eyes as he looked at the Houndoom. He stomped his foot and fire suddenly flared up like quills on top of his head and on his rump.
“Er, Kara, use Psychic on Clover, Quilava, use, um...” I realized I didn’t know any of his moves but I could only hope he had what I read he should have. “Use dig on Houndoom!”
Kara’s eyes glowed blue as Quilava jumped up and dove into the earth as if it were water. The Bayleef, who had probably broken a rib from laughing so hard earlier was lifted into the air, the spectrum around her going blue. She thrashed about, yelling. Meanwhile, the Houndoom was looking uneasy, looking at the ground to see where Quilava went.
Quilava popped up out of the ground and up into the air. “Flamethrower!” I called, as Quilava heard and let loose a stream of fire from his mouth, which engulfed the Houndoom from behind. He yelped as the flames washed over him in waves of burning pain. The acrid stench of burnt fur reached my nose as Quilava dove back underground. “Keep doing that, Quilava!” I called as I redirected my attention to Kara and Clover.
Kara was bashing the Bayleef against a tree with Psychic while doing an odd tap dace to avoid the razor sharp leaves Clover was hurling at her from her head-leaf at high speeds. “Bash her against the ground too!” I encouraged. I looked at Kara, and realized that her eyes were blazing with something more than just the blue that accompanies a Psychic attack. Loathing was etched onto her features, contorted into a snarl of hatred, directed at Clover. I briefly wondered why before I realized that all was not going according to plan in Quilava’s half of the battle.
Instead of continuing to wear down at Houndoom as I had directed, Quilava had jumped out of the ground right in front of Houndoom and giving him a piece of his mind. He was speaking too fast for me to understand, but Houndoom obviously did, by the look of horror on his face. He looked like he was on the verge of apologizing when the Mayor shouted, “Use Flamethrower!” With a look of regret, he took a deep breath and (“Quilava, you too!” I shouted) blasted a torrent of flames towards Quilava who responded with his own version. The twin streams of flame met between them, spewing out sideways as they connected in the middle. Kara fore saw this, and, dropping the long since unconscious Clover, set up another Reflect.
Quilava and Houndoom continued to fight it out, the place where the two flamethrowers met fluctuating back and forth as one of the other renewed their efforts. “You can do it Quilava!” I cried, willing him to push himself just a little bit harder...
The flames coming from Quilava’s mouth suddenly widened and shot towards Houndoom’s now wimpy looking Flamethrower, pushing it back, slowly at first, then faster and faster until it engulfed Houndoom, throwing him backwards, end over end where he smacked into a tree and the flames cut around either side before slowly reducing in strength. Houndoom slowly slid down the tree, flopping limply on the ground at his master’s feet.
“Stupid dog! Stupid, stupid thing, and to think I spent so much time training you! Take that, and that!” The Mayor kicked the already half dead Houndoom, viciously, over and over again. “Worthless fool!” he half screamed, spittle flying from his mouth in his rage.
“Stop, stop it, please, it’s not his fault!” I cried, but the mayor kept on kicking. I snapped. I ran over to them, pushing to old man with all the strength I had, causing him to fall back and crack his head painfully on the tree. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around the Houndoom, comforting it. “Oh, poor baby, my poor baby, are you okay?” I cradled his head on my lap and glared up at the Mayor accusingly. He took the Pokčball out of his pocket, throwing it on the ground and stomping on it furiously, breaking it.
“Worthless scum!” he spat before recalling the half savaged Bayleef and storming off in the direction of Brookdale.
I gathered up the Pokčmon, all of them fainted except for Kara, and healed them all. Blaze’s damage was immaterial, but it still needed a potion to fix it, Quilava was just exhausted, and Kara’s feet were cut up. Houndoom took two potions and some salve made for burns to fix, but he turned out okay, except for being mentally scarred from being beaten. At first, Quilava wouldn’t even sit next to Houndoom, but then, after he apologized, Quilava and him eventually fell into a deep discussion about the pros and cons of being fire type. Kara’s bond with Blaze seemed to have strengthened as well, I thought, they rarely left each other’s sides while I was setting up camp for the night. I filled in Quilava and Houndoom about our adventures so far. It was unanimous that we should rest up before Kara, Blaze and I set off for the lab the next day.
“Hey Kara! I’ve got marshmallows!” I called as I got the fire going. “Kara?”
“Huh, oh, coming!” Kara bounded up, along with the rest of them. I handed them all sticks that I had previously cleaned and put marshmallows on, except Houndoom and Kara, for whom I put them into their mouths to wield.
Blaze and Kara rediscovered their squabble over how to cook the marshmallows and were arguing happily, but Houndoom and Quilava were both just sitting morosely, gazing into the fire, their marshmallows untouched. “What’s wrong, Quilava, Houndoom?”
“Please call me Scrap,” said Quilava, looking up.
“Please call me anything but Houndoom!” said Houndoom pleadingly. “That’s what the... he called me. Anything else will do, just not that.”
“Hmm...” I thought for a second. “Ill call you Cael.” I had remembered my Latin lessons. I had thought of calling him Umbra, or shadow, but people would just think I was talking about an Umbreon, so I decided on just the opposite, heaven. Heaven was caelo in Latin, so Cael seem perfect.
“Good enough for me!” he grinned, but his grin soon faded, and he continued to look morose, as did Scrap. Scrap threw him a look, so he stood up and looked up at me. “Do, do you think...” he trailed off, looking to Scrap for assistance.
“We were wondering if we could go with you tomorrow, you know, to the labs,” Scrap spilled out rapidly.
“It sounds like fun!” Cael interjected. “And then you could be my new master! I'm sure you would never kick me or...”
“Please please?” begged Scrap, looking up at me with his cute ferrety face.
“Sure!” I answered, beaming.
“Yay!” Kara left off eating for a moment to put in.
Everyone grinned broadly as I pulled out two pokčballs. “This’ll just take a second...” I said, touching the Pokčball gently to Cael’s nose as he dematerialized the ball held still for three counts before the light glowed on the front. I took my Pokčdex out of my pocket and scanned him in. Quickly I read through his details while releasing him from the ball. He was level twenty, and his moves were Shadow ball, Flamethrower, Bite and Confuse Ray. As I looked into the information I realized my mistake in the battle earlier. Shadow ball was a ghost move, not a dark move, as I had guessed. That’s why the reflect didn’t do anything.
I picked out another Pokčball and touched it to Scrap’s nose in the same fashion. Surprisingly, the ball rocked once while I waited, before stopping and sitting still for two more counts. I scanned him into my Pokčdex as well, his level being twenty-one and his moves being Flamethrower, Dig, Smokescreen, and Sunny Day. I let him back out.
“What happened? You struggled.” I asked, curious.
“Sorry, I’ve just never been in a Pokčball before. I didn’t mean to, I just sorta freaked out.”
“Its fine, it doesn’t matter.” I “picked” up the marshmallow bag and floated it slowly past Kara’s nose. She swatted at it with her paw, just like a kitten. When she realized she missed, she pounced on it, lashing her tail and glaring around as though daring anyone to take it from her. I took up the challenge. By the time I had gotten the bag from her, everyone was laughing, including me. I counted the marshmallows. Five! Perfect!
I unrolled one of the sleeping bags, spreading it out so the Pokčmon could sleep out of their pokčballs, and clambered into my own. I called out goodnight and received four replies. I smiled to myself in the partial light of the half-dead fire. Soon, I would be at the labs. Soon I would know if I was truly special to the world. Soon. Plus, I had just made two new friends. All was good.
Well, how was it? I hope it wasn't too rushed or anything... I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to PM everyone right now but I'll try! Bye!
12th February 2006, 10:30 AM
I really liked this chapter. It was a twist I wasn't expectin with the mayor being the guardian but I suppose it is logical if you think about it. The description was very good and I think you really got the idea of them trying to sneek through the forest with a shopping cart claterring loudly after them.
I thought the battle was well done with Blaze sacrificing himself for Kara and evolving at the same time. It looks like Scrap could be an amusing addition to the team with Cael bringing some power into the squad.
Only down side was scrap instantly becoming friends with the person who killed his brother. If someone killed your brother would you go and sit down with them and toast marshmallows? I hope this will be explained more later.
Anyways great chapter setting up the labs very well.
13th February 2006, 2:53 AM
Yay! thanks! Yes, the conflict isnt completely resolved between Scrap and Cael yet, it will be adressed later...
Glad you liked it!!
*dances around* Ouch!
Brr... I just went swimming in the coldest pool in the world!! Now I'm all stiff... *teeth chatter*
Anyways, I hope for more reviews... You just made my day RLC! *grins*
16th February 2006, 12:32 AM
Sorry I haven't written for so long!
Not rushed at all!
Yay for Chareon!
16th February 2006, 10:23 PM
I like this chapter. Likes it a lot, yes me does. ^^;;; You get brownie points for tons of humor without compromising the plotline or the seriousness of the chapter. (I nearly died upon reading the "my name is None" quote XD) Also some nice desciptions, (lake of sunshine got a wow from me) and for using a few of my favorite words (incredulously) and forcing me to look up some XP (perpetually.) I'm also a sucker for Pokemon evolving in perilous situations *coughbothofFirestorm'sevolutionscough.*
Now then, nice twist on the guardian, it certainly was a surprise, although I don't think you needed that divider between the two sections, y'know, with the asterisks. Also interesting to see how the mayor fits in to the two labs. I think Miyah should go to the not-S lab just because Lab S didn't want her to go there. Dey's hiding something, methinks.
I like Scrap, he's cool, and I like how he talks. ^^; Brownie points for Cael's name, BTW. Even I'm guilty of basing Dark-Pokemon's names off of darkish-words. (Stygian)
Nice chappie *cookie*
18th February 2006, 1:19 AM
Yay! Reviews!! O.o awesome! Can I trade in brownie points for brownies? *munches cookie* on second thought, if I had a brownie and a cookie I think I would die from milk deprivation!
Thanks for the wonderful reviews, and thanks especially, cuz, for writing a full one... the shorter "good job" ones are great, but your's made my day!
...Yes, I liked Cael's name too! I was having fun with the "foreign words and phrases" section of my dictionary. ^^
parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus... (The mountains are in labour, and a ridiculous mouse will be brought forth) Whatever that means...!
Hee hee I was having fun! *dances* And the reviews are fun too!
The next chappie is um... I can't give a percentage but it's a page and a bit so far... So so so me's a gonna see ya 'round yep yep cuz me's a gotta go and work, work real hard then next chappie be's posted, posted much much sooner yup!
20th February 2006, 6:22 PM
i know its been a while, but, IM BACK!!!!!!WH00T!!!! *hears several screams and complains* oh shut up....*mutters darkly*
this is actually turning out pretty good :D i cant wait to read the next chapter :D, again, pm me when its done :D
19th March 2006, 4:40 AM
I need to write more. Wonderful, wonderful. I apologize, I have been addicted to Neopets recently.
And the missing PM's?
- Blazerman3000 (Blazer for short- named after my Blaziken in my emerald game...)
3rd April 2006, 2:00 AM
Here I am!
Hmm... Chapter update, let's see...
Three pages and a half pages. As you can see, I haven't gotten much further... But I'm finding it quite hard to get the descriptions just right... Plus, a scool grading period just ended, with all of the teachers desperately cramming in as many reports as they can. AND, with track practice going until five after school, then homework taking up like three more hours, plus dinner and shower, I have a grand total of fifteen minutes to type on school nights. Urg. Real life got the better of me for a while. But I'm back now, and ready for anything!
Er... I can post the first half of Chapter 11 if ya'all please, but if ya'all'd rather wait for me to finish, then... Uh, just respond:
a) post now, please! -or-
b) I'm patient, I can wait.
There. That makes things easier, huh?
And if I finish the chapter before anyone responds, (most likely) I'll just post it as soon as possible.
3rd April 2006, 10:57 AM
I'm back sorry i hsbr not replyed for so long. Time after school is as bad wehdn you are at school beveil me.
Well i had to re-read the atory but are all up todate. i will try and do a review weekly. can you put me on your PM list as well.
20th April 2006, 5:34 AM
Yet again, after a long period of inactiveness....
Yeah. Keep up the good work.
24th June 2006, 8:43 PM
Okay, this question is important!!
Unlike the last question, which nobody bothered to answer, answer me this:
Should I or shouldn't I do a revision of Price of Freedom. I have completely redone the introduction, the first three chapters, and have edited all the rest beyond recognition. I find it will be EASIER for ME if I were to start up a Price of Freedom, revision 2 thread. Is that okay with everyone?
Hope so, because summer is my up time for writing, and it wouldn't be too long before I was caught up. I might just do that anyways, if nobody answers my question.
If you do answer my question, I will take into account your answer. If enough people are against me doing a revision, I won't. But the revision is already written, so it would take all of my readers being against me to change my mind.
Sorry about the amount of time it took me to post this.
4th July 2006, 5:59 PM
Ook! How did I miss this!
Silverwing;249;: Maybe because you never check the ficcy forum anymore and only see LC posts in your subscribed thread list.
But yeah, you're looking at the master of revisions, whaddya think I'm gonna say? xP Now, starting a new thread...well, I dunno, it's your call, it might help you grab some new readers (even though I've gone through four revisions in a single thread.) Just be sure not to post the chappies too fast if you do start a new one. Nothing repels new readers more. ;)
<Insert SPAZZ here> Yeh got your PM, BTW, I've been hyper-insane about you coming to visit for like the past month. X)
7th July 2006, 5:08 AM
Heh. I'm leaving for the east coast, like, in a half hour. Ahhhhh!!! *cowers* Flying... Blech... AND! I'm leaving right before the big debut of the new PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN MOVIE!!!! AAAArrrrrgggghhhhhH! *calms slightly* Pardon.
Anyways... The url for the revision is in my signature. Please, ignore the stuff erin wrote. And what I wrote, for that matter. She tried to mark HER territory on MY siggy! *fumes*
Well, anyways... The introduction is up for the revision and Chapter one will be there in about a week or two.
Also, if you so please, seeing as this thread is over... If you wish to read more writings by yours truly, check out my two shot (yes, TWO shot), Change of Fate (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=128416)!! There isn't any correlation between that and Price of Freedom, although the titles have the same ring, but... I like my two shot, and that's what matter. *nods*
Voila. Done. Finito. Fin. This is the end of this Price of Freedom thread. Hope to see you in the new one, and if not... No, scratch the last bit. I'll see you in the revision thread!
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