PDA

View Full Version : Wanzewald Pokemon Contest! The Anime Parody!



IceKing
29th July 2005, 6:52 PM
I finalyl finished the second chapter of this parody fic only to find that it took me so long to update the thread that it has been deleted <_< The second chapter was extremely difficult to write and I had to redo about three times, but its finally finished and will be posted late tonight!

For those of you who never read this fic, its a parody of the pokemon anime makign fun of all its faults and shortcomings (especialyl when it comes to the charachters). Its rated Pg 13 because of the innuendo (there will be warnings in the fic when it happens)!

First chapter will be posted now and then chapter two shall come out tonight after seven long months!


Chapter One-Talks and Apples

Ash and co. walked along a thick bushy forest path infested with thick oak trees and tall grass scratching at their legs. It was like the Ilex forest where the treetops were so thick; one could not see the sky. As usual, it wasn't long before the usual griping and complaining was heard.

"OWW! That grass makes my legs itch badly!" May whined as she furiously tore at the skin of her legs.

"Are you sure this is a shortcut?" Max asked, glaring at Brock through his black glasses.

Brock retrieved the pokemon handbook he so often looked at from his pocket and examined a map of the area they were in carefully. His eyebrows flew into his spiky hair, and he turned around to his friends looking rather guilty. "Heh heh. Uh sorry guys, I think I was reading the map sideways. This forest is actually leading us away from Fortree City!"

Everyone fell over anime style. "At this rate we'll get to Fortree City by the time I'm married to Misty," Ash groaned.

"What! I know you don't have the hots for that girl!" May yelled enraged, with the face of an Ursaring about to tear a baby Seel to shreds.

"Calm down! It's just a random joke to please the Pokeshippers! And it can also please the Advancedshippers if you think about it…” Ash pleaded nervously as May towered over him, cracking her fists.

"Pokeshippers? Advancedshippers? What the heck are those?" Max asked curiously.

"Never mind, it's too complicated," Ash sighed.

They dropped the subject and turned around to head out of the forest when they saw a tiny, lone Caterpie on the pathway. It released a distant aura of cuteness, albeit it looked like a crack addicted worm. The worm had a mix of green and white skin and large, adorable black eyes. May, however, found it to be quite repulsive.

"EWWW! Get that thing away from me!" May shrieked as the pokemon began to crawl toward her. She hid behind her brother Max, even though it could still obviously see her.

"Pika?" Pikachu murmured. He looked at the Caterpie and noticed it looked vaguely similar. He jumped off of Ash's shoulder and began questioning it.

"Pika Pika Pika Chu (I think I remember you from somewhere. Have we met)?" the yellow mouse pokemon asked.

"Caterpie pie (How should I know? I have a memory span of two days)!" the bug pokemon responded.

Pikachu nodded; he was probably just imagining things. As he turned to hop back onto Ash's shoulder, something caught his eye. There was a birthmark that resembled a blue smudge on the back of the Caterpie's head. Where had he seen it from?


;012;

Meanwhile, halfway across the forest was none other than Jessie, James, and Meowth, the pitiful members of Team Rocket. As usual, they were weak and deprived of food. They dragged themselves across the treacherous path, hoping to find rare pokemon, food, or even better, both!

"You know guys, I have an idea. Why don't we just quit this whole Team Rocket thing? We've been at this for nearly seven years, and instead of fame and riches, we have famine and poverty! Not to mention being shocked countless times! Last, time Meowth nearly got brain damage!" James cried out to his fellow members of Team Rocket, Jessie and Meowth.

Jessie turned to James slowly, with the signature vein in her temple pounding. "WHAT! So we're supposed to live nice honest lives? Tauros Crap! We'll still be struggling with our minimum wage jobs! Trust me, one day we'll hit big, and then we can get out of Team Rocket! We’ll have more money than a stupid McDonald’s job would ever give us!" Jessie hollered to a cowering James.

Meowth sighed and decided not to intervene into their argument. The fact they argued nonstop was getting very annoying. He rubbed his bandaged head painfully; Jessie and James may have claimed his injury came from the six hundredth time he got shocked by Pikachu, but he knew that it came from the brutal pounding he received when he suggested that Jessie and James get together.

The pain from his shallow stomach suddenly overtook the pain in his head. Meowth clutched his stomach with his clawed hands and looked up ahead and gasped. "Is that what I think it is?"

Jessie and James stopped their bickering and whipped around to face Meowth. "What are you talking about?" Jessie said greedily.

"Please let it not be the twerps. Please let it not be the twerps," James mumbled silently, crossing his fingers.

Meowth tried to keep his face as casual as possible since he had to think of a response quickly. "Errm...I think...it was...the...legendary...pokemon....uh...mew...quaz a! The legendary pokemon Mewquaza! It headed that away!" Meowth responded incoherently.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!" Jessie screeched. She grabbed James by the back of his shirt and sprinted like a speeding Rapidash in the opposite direction.

Meowth sighed; he was alone now. What he really saw was a tall and majestic apple tree! The brown bark called forth Meowth while the long, leaf covered branches beckoned him. The bramble of green leaves full of round, succulent apples were the final pleas to Meowth that had him running toward the tree with his arms flying all around the air.

When Meowth reached the tree, his eyes shone like pennies as he reached up to grab one of the apples. Then, it occurred to him that he was not tall enough. “Why have you forsaken me Nature?” Meowth cried.

He tried to knock some apples off the tree by slamming into it, but only ended up with a bruised shoulder. As he rubbed his shoulder and cried out of self pity, a light buzzing sound came from overhead. “Oh no! Is it Beedrill?” Meowth whimpered, too frightened to look up.

“Ledyba Ba,” The pokemon called from overhead. It was a round ladybug pokemon with six small arms she was rubbing together. She descended upon Meowth and stared at him with her large black eyes. “Ba Ledy Ledy”

“Phew, for a minute there I thought it was Beedrill. I guess it’s only a puny Ledyba,” Meowth sighed out of relief. Ledyba frowned and repeated what it said earlier. “What? Or course I was listening. Wait a second…what do you mean I can’t take any of the apples!”

“Ledyba ba ba Ledyba,” The ladybug pokemon said in a rather businesslike tone.

“So, your tribe planted this tree to feed itself? Well, I’m sure you guys can find other food! Besides…umm…uhh… I don’t see your name on it!” Meowth roared back.

Ledyba smiled and pointed at a small inscription on the tallest tree. It read “Property of the Ledian and Ledyba”. Meowth reread it five times and fell over anime style.

“I guess I’ll never get food. Ever since I joined Team Rocket, I’ve been starving as far back as I can remember. We survive on old food bits we find in trash cans! And whenever we find wild food, this horrid woman named Jessie always eats it!” Meowth wailed with tears running down his tan fur.

Ledyba felt great pity at this story and flew up to get one apple. She held it with four of her small arms and with another arm she covered her mouth saying “Sshh!” and handed Meowth the apple, smiling broadly.

Meowth gazed at the generous Ledyba in appreciation. His eyes were filling up with tears of joy, but then he suddenly shook them out and went back to his normal nasty disposition. “I don’t need your pity! I’ll get these apples on my own!” Meowth declared. He took his sharp claws and began to hack violently at Ledyba’s face.

When he was done, red scratch marks popped up all around Ledyba’s face. Her arms went limp, and she dropped the apple. Her black eyes began to fill up with potential waterfalls of tears.

“Oh no! Now don’t cry! I’m really sorry!” Meowth pleaded with Ledyba as the tears began to drip out and she began to whimper. Meowth went in to give her a hug, but she swatted Meowth away with one of the arms she wasn’t using to cover her eyes.

“WAAAAAH! WAAAAAH! WAAAAH!” Ledyba howled at the top of her lungs. Meowth covered his ears as the cries pierced his ears and sliced the quiet forest air. Over the horrid cries, Meowth could hear massive buzzing.

He began to run wildly, with his eyes screwed shut tightly and his fingers plugged into his ears. He was safe for a few seconds until he collided into something. As he unplugged his ears, he noticed there was an eerie silence.

His brain said no, but his fear said yes as he slowly opened his eyes one at a time. In front of him was a very livid Ledian. Ledian were the evolved and more powerful version of Ledyba. They were more human shaped and had a narrow face with smaller black eyes. There red wings were split and they only had two arms, but those two arms had more power than all six of a Ledyba’s arms combined.

The Ledian in front of him was cracking his knuckles silently, never removing his gaze from Meowth. Meowth gulped and looked around, more frightened then if he saw a Gengar. As he predicted, there were more bloodthirsty Ledian along with Ledyba staring at him from every single angle including above him! One Ledian was holding the Ledyba, who gave Meowth the darkest look.

Meowth sighed and pulled out a morphine injection out of nowhere. “What would I do without you?” the doomed pokemon said to the injection. Meowth stabbed the needle into his arm and looked dazed for a few seconds “All right! Now take your best shot!”


;166;

“You know? I think Beautifly would love this forest setting,” May said. She threw out a red and white pokeball which released her butterfly like pokemon, Beautifly. She flapped her wings gently and flew around the four humans in circles.

Pikachu’s eyes followed Beautifly around. The pokemon reminded him so much of Ash’s second pokemon, Butterfree. Suddenly, something sparked in Pikachu’s mind. He called back Butterfree in his memories and then looked at the Caterpie that was crawling away. Butterfree had the same birthmark that the Caterpie did which meant…

“PIKA PIKA!” Pikachu screeched in victory, making everyone jump.

“Woah! What was that about Pikachu,” Ash asked. Pikachu jumped off of Ash’s shoulder and in front of the Caterpie. He began to interrogate the bug pokemon again who nodded at every one of Pikachu’s questions.

Pikachu looked positively gleeful as he asked Caterpie his last question. When Caterpie nodded one last time, Pikachu let out thousands of volts of electricity in to the air out of happiness. He had to tell Ash the good news, but how would he do it?

“Pika!” Pikachu said to the four.

“I think Pikachu is trying to tell us something,” Max commented.

Pikachu nodded. He held up two fingers and let everyone see it. “Okay, so that means two,” Brock guessed. Pikachu nodded furiously. He then leaped in front of Ash and began touching Ash’s balls.

“Eww! Who just said that?” May squealed. Everyone looked around in confusion. On top of a tree, they saw me, the strange man who narrates this story.

“Oh him! That guy’s been following me around since I first started my journey. You never noticed him talking?” Ash said.

“Well yeah, but I figured I was just crazy,” May replied.

“Me too. I thought May was crazy and I caught her disease!” added Max.

“Doesn’t it annoy you having someone narrate everything you do?” May asked.

“At first, but then I got used it,” Ash replied.

“Anyway, I think you meant Pokeballs Fred,” Brock said to me.

“The name’s Frank! Yes, it is Pokeballs; I’m sorry about that confusion. Anyway can you guys continue your journey, so I can narrate it?” I asked them. They shrugged and continued watching Pikachu.

“Second pokeball?” Max pondered. Pikachu twisted his hand around saying it was kinda sorta like that. “Ash, what did you do with your second pokeball?”

“Uh, I think I used it to try and capture a Pidgey. Are you saying something about a Pidgey?” Ash asked.

Pikachu shook his head violently. He turned to think of a new idea, and noticed the Caterpie was leaving. Pikachu ran toward the Caterpie and asked it to stay. The bug pokemon looked annoyed, but nevertheless, it stayed.

Pikachu turned back to face the humans and put up one finger and then touched one of Ash’s POKEballs. “What did you do with your first pokeball Ash?” Brock asked.

“I used it to catch Caterpie. Are you talking about Butterfree Pikachu?” Ash said. Pikachu jumped in triumph; the idiots finally understood.

“Hey! Who are you calling an idiot?” May screamed.

“That’s a funny thing coming out of the mouth of a man who follows around kids for a living!” Max growled.

“I was just kidding! Come on can’t you guys take a joke?” I asked with a feeble smile.

“Oh that’s it! Beautifly, get him!” May ordered. Beautifly stopped flying around and then looked at me dangerously.

“Crap,” I said as I tried to hide myself in the leaves, but it turned useless as Beautifly sent a Silver Wind attack at me which blew away the leaves and OUCH! Hey, that attack hurts. OUCH! Get away from me you stupid bug! AHHH! We’ll be back after these messages!

Are you a narrator in trouble? Constantly being attacked by the people whose lives you narrate? Then you need this invisibility potion! Now for a limited time you can buy this potion that makes you completely invisible after two drops! It works up to six hours and only takes thirty seconds to work! It comes at the cheap price of $1930.32. Other companies will charge you $1932.33, but you save tons of money when you call us! Call us now at 1 888 627 7283 (Narrate). Note: invisibility potion only has a 2% chance of working since it really is only vinegar and Arbok venom.

We now return to the fan fiction.

Stupid scammers…$1930.32!?!? Oh, the woes of narrating. Oh hi, anyway let me continue with my story now that I’m invisible. After being tackled into the ground by that crack ***** of a pokemon, I have three broken ribs, but I can still narrate the story with this invisibility potion!

Anyway, Pikachu was pointing at May’s stomach and everyone let out a sigh of relief. May, Max, and Brock all knew that this Caterpie was Butterfree’s baby except for Ash who stood dumbfounded.

“So, what was Pikachu saying?” Ash asked nervously. Everyone suppressed their laughs and turned to Ash.

“Ash, do you know where babies come from?” May asked.

“Ummm…Pellipers?” Ash answered in a quiet voice.

Max rolled his eyes, “Even I know!”

Brock and the Petalburg siblings huddled and whispered to each other. When they came out of their huddle, they nodded. Brock turned to Ash and said, “I think we need to have a little talk”

Ash and Brock sat down on the mushy forest floor, and Brock began to whisper into Ash’s ear. Ash quickly began shuddering and icy cold sweat trickled down his face. He occasionally let out small yelps as Brock continued to whisper.

Brock pulled his mouth out of Ash’s ear and said “And then the man….”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!” Ash screamed. His cry woke up hundreds of Pidgey in the treetops and sent them flying away.

Brock remained calm and continued to speak “And then the woman…”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!” Ash screamed again. The remaining Pidgey flew away from the forest. Ash clutched his knees and rocked back and forth silently. “Is that how I was created?” he muttered silently.

Brock nodded. Ash’s eyes rolled back into his head, and he passed out. Brock stood up and turned to May and Max. “If he can’t handle the fake explanation of a man and woman making out for more than five minutes, I don’t he can handle the real explanation.”

Right then, Ash came back into consciousness and pretended like he never heard what Brock told him. “So that Caterpie is my old Butterfree’s kid!”

Pikachu nodded, relieved to know that his master finally got it. Ash walked toward to the Caterpie to say hi.

“I knew your father! He was a great guy, and I miss him so much. It’s too bad you’ll never miss him, since Butterfree die after they mate…” Ash said with his eyes streaming. He walked away so no one would see him crying.

Brock and Max began to pat Ash on his back. May, however, began eyeing the Caterpie greedily. “You mean to tell me this hideous thing evolves into a beautiful Butterfree?” May said.

“Duh,” Max answered. May’s eyes lit up, and she grabbed one her Pokeballs.

“I’m going to catch me that Caterpie! Go Combusken!”

A large red and cream colored foul pokemon that stood on two legs came out of the pokeball. It had muscular arms and legs and was ready to fight. “Combusken, use Ember!” May ordered.

Combusken opened his small beak and let out a flurry of small fireballs that all struck the caterpillar pokemon. When the attack was finished, the poor bug pokemon remained in its spot even though it was completely charred black. Its right eye began to twitch, and it let out a mighty roar. “CATERPIE!!!!!”

“May, I don’t think it was a good idea to try and capture it,” Max said in his usual smart alec voice.

May stood frozen as if hit by an Ice Beam. In the distance, they heard the light flapping of wings. The sound grew louder and louder until finally at least one hundred Butterfree bursted out of the trees. They eyed the Caterpie, then Combusken, and then May.

Sweat formed on May’s horrified face. “Umm, I love you?” The Butterfree responded by flapping their wings again, and this time yellowish spores appeared near their wings. “Stu-Stu-Stun Spore?”

“I think this would be a good time to run,” Brock commented nervously.

“I agree,” Ash added

“RUN!!!” Max screamed. The three humans and Beautifly sprinted as fast as they could, while Combusken pleaded with May to run. The unintelligent girl was too horrified to move, and she just stood transfixed by the massive cloud of Stun Spore that drew closer and closer. Finally, Combusken just hauled May onto his shoulders and ran for it.



Please review!

IceKing
30th July 2005, 3:04 AM
FINALLY! SEVEN MONTHS OF HARD WORK AND THIS DARN CHAPTERS FINALLY DONE!

Its twice as large and twice as racy (but youll be given warnings)

And without further ado...

Chapter 2- Vicious Ledian and Bloodthirsty Butterfree

“OWWW!” Meowth cried as the first Ledian gave a sharp uppercut to his soft chin.

“LEDIAN! LEDIAN (NOW YOU KNOW WHAT LEDYBA FELT)!” another Ledian declared as he kicked Meowth’s chest fiercely.

“Why isn’t the morphine working?” Meowth cried as more powerful punches and kicks made their impact on his ruffled, tan fur.


Magic Mary’s Straight Formula- Imported Straight from Alabama!

One full injection of this magical formula every night will keep the man of your dreams from finding his own man of his dreams! While this formula will nullify any feelings toward the same sex, side effects will include an unnaturally feminine voice, absolutely no sense of masculinity, and a strong urge to cross-dress.

“No! This is that stuff Jessie injects into James while he sleeps!” Meowth cried as he read the label of the injector.

“Ledian Ledi (Ha! Your sissy medicine won’t work)!” one of the bulky Ledian taunted as he blew dust off of his massive fist, preparing to knock out a few of Meowth’s teeth.

“You know what; I don’t care! I’ve been burned, frozen, shocked, crushed, and even thrown into a giant blender, and I handled it all damn it! I still have two lives remaining, so take your best shot you stupid ladies! Get it, ladybug? Lady? Ha Ha!” Meowth guffawed as he shut his eyes tightly and extended his neck, ready for the blow.

“Ledian (With pleasure).” The bulky Ledian grinned and drove his fist Meowth’s clamped mouth, sending him hurtling back into the trunk of the majestic tree.

“Ledyba ba ba Ledyba(If you’re going to crack a dumb joke, at least make up your own instead of using A Bugs Life)!” a female Ledyba scolded.

“Ouch,” Meowth groaned as he slid down from the tree and watched three more Ledian fly toward him.

The next five minutes were the most painful minutes of Meowth’s second life. He winced painfully as at least a hundred fists and feet ranging from small to massive struck him in every place possible on his body from his ears to his balls—his poor, poor eyeballs. When they were finally finished with their assault, Meowth was no longer recognizable.

His fur was torn out of his skin in many places, and his eyes were a dark navy and swelled to the size of saucers, open only by a tiny slit. The bones in his arms and legs had cracked while over fifteen of his pointy teeth had fallen out or dangled in place.

“What about my nose? Isn’t it bleeding badly?”

“Alright buddy! You need to learn something and learn it fast. YOU DON’T HAVE A NOSE! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE A NOSE! The games didn’t give you a nose, the anime didn’t give you a nose, the manga didn’t give you a nose, and IceKing isn’t about to give you a nose either damn it!”

As soon as I finished speaking, two tiny holes appeared flat in between Meowth’s black eyes and bloody mouth. The three bulkiest Ledian sighed in exhaustion and buzzed toward Meowth’s newly created nose to make sure it suffered as well. Six punches, four kicks, and ten cries of pain later, Meowth’s nose began to drip with tiny creeks of blood that stained his face red. Well what do you know; I guess IceKing was willing to give Meowth a nose.

“Eh, now that I actually have a nose, I realize that it ain’t that great! I can smell better and all, but it’s just another place for me to get beat up,” Meowth griped as he felt around his very first bloody nose.

“WHAT ! After all this complaining for all these years, and you don’t want a nose! And to think I was beginning to feel bad for you…”

Meowth’s nose faded away into nothingness, but the blood that flowed out still remained stained on his face. All the Ledian and Ledyba parted toward the side of the tree, leaving a path open to Meowth. “Could it be? They’re letting me leave! And to think I nearly lost my eight life…”

As Meowth struggled in vain to get up, the Ledyba who he attacked flew in the path in the arms of her Ledian brother. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she was no longer crying. Her face was contorted in rage stronger than the anger of all the other Ledian’s put together. She growled menacingly as she fluttered closer and closer towards Meowth.

The cornered cat pokemon began whimpering and shivering as the bug pokemon drew nearer and nearer. He was shocked that at one time he was relieved to see the little Ledyba’s face. Now he was terrified to see the malevolent face of the ladybug pokemon. He had experienced the most excruciating pain of his full eight lives, it couldn’t possibly get worse!

It got worst.

Ledyba and Ledian stopped about seven feet away from Meowth, and Ledyba signaled for her elder brother to leave. Meowth sighed out of relief; half of the problem was gone. But it didn’t seem to matter with the horrible look of resentment on the Ledyba’s face. She slowly fluttered down to meet face to face with the cat pokemon, who was practicing the ancient belief of “you can’t see me if I can’t see you!” Hearing and smelling her ragged, sour breath, Meowth realized that there was no escape. He slowly opened the slit of one eye to see the glint of a giant white fist hurtling through the air.

“F***!”

“Ledyba Ledy Ledy (How do you like some of that! Or some of that)!” Ledyba exclaimed as she began assaulting Meowth with every single fist at her disposal. Nearby Ledian and Ledyba were laughing at the funny, yet sad sight.

“Ledian an (This is fun)!” one Ledian chortled to her little brother.

“Ledyba ba Ledyba (Better than that time we attacked that bug gym leader who tried to capture Linda)?”

“Ledian Ledi (Eh, I say it’s a tie).”

After nearly thirty seconds of punching, slapping, and cussing, Ledyba finished her attack, panting heavily, glaring down on the moaning cat pokemon. “Oww. This is really starting to get stale and repetitive ya know…”

Ledyba gave Meowth’s shoulder one final kick before fluttering up into the bramble of emerald leaves and ruby apples, picking the plumpest, ripest fruit she could find. Meowth didn’t bother to shudder, whimper, or even yelp as the angry bug pokemon came down to him face to face yet again with an apple in hand; their was absolutely nothing she could do to match his agony. Nothing at all!

“SHUT UP! YOU’RE JINXING ME DAMN IT!”

“Ledyba ba, LEDYBA (You want a freaking apple? HERE’S YOUR FREAKING APPLE!)!”

Ledyba held the apple with four fists as she shut her eyes tight and swung back, releasing the fruit in a forty five mile per hour pitch straight into the doomed pokemon’s groin. For the first time in the entire attack, several male Ledian and Ledyba groaned along with Meowth as his eyes bulged out and his pupils rolled into the back of his head.

“And there goes life number eight…” Meowth mumbled before finally plopping unconscious.

The forest clearing burst into the applause of the bug pokemon who were proud of their work. They turned around to finally leave when the entire clearing began to fill with hazy black smoke. As the smoke began to engulf the Ledian and Ledyba, coughs and cries of confusion started up. Four shining red eyes appeared in the darkness and began releasing strange sounds.


;166;

“MAY…I swear…next time…you….do…something like…this…we’re going to…abandon you…in the next shopping mall,” Brock huffed and puffed as he sprinted as fast as he could away from the cloud of yellow spores.

Ash was in the lead with Beautifly, dashing forward so fast that there was no way Pikachu could balance on his shoulder. The poor mouse pokemon was stuck with running besides Max, who was lagging nearly fifteen feet behind. Combusken was barely keeping up with Brock since he was still carrying a blubbering May on his shoulders.

“Bluh-bleh-moooo?”

“May, if we don’t die here, I swear that I will tell Mom about the time I caught you mouth to mouth with that Brendan kid!” Max hollered as he struggled to increase the speed of his sprint.

“What! Was she giving him CPR?” Ash exclaimed with a look of horror at the frightened face of Max.

“Yes Ash, she was giving him CPR,” Max moaned sarcastically. “I bet you’d love to give my sis CPR…”

WARNING! REALLY INAPPRORIATE COMMENTS AHEAD THAT CAN BE SKIPPED! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Brock turned his head toward the child with knowledge rather freaky for an eight year old boy to know. “Now Max, just because Ash is at the special age and your sister is rather voluptuous for a ten year does not mean Ash likes her!”

“Sure it doesn’t! I know how freaky guys get when they turn thirteen! I’ve watched ALL three American Pie movies you know…”

“Umm guys, what does voluptuous mean?” Ash asked confused at Max and Brock’s conversation.

Brock and Max chose to ignore Ash and his stupid questions again and focused their energy on running as fast as they could. May was serenely unaware of being insulted (or complimented if you look at it from that angle) as the shock of seeing nearly a hundred Butterfree ready to kill her still remained imprinted on her brain. Combusken frowned at the insults his trainer received, but knew it wasn’t right time to pick a fight.

“GUYS! WE’RE BEING CHASED BY AN ANGRY HORD OF BUTTERFREE!” May squealed as she finally returned to reality.

“Thank you Captain Obvious!” Max mumbled with his traditional rolling of his eyes.

“Captain Obvious? Is he going to save us?” Ash yelled looking up into the treetop infested sky with hope glimmering in his dumbfounded brown eyes. A ten second silence followed as everyone gaped at Ash, appalled at the length of his stupidity.

“*******,” Max mumbled breaking the silence.

“MAX!” Brock and May cried unanimously in shock of the horridness of Max’s word choice.

“PIKA!” the mouse pokemon cried as he electrified the boy with the potty mouth.

“Where do you learn all these things Max?” May asked her younger brother sternly, who still somehow managed to sprint with the horrible pain of nearly five hundred volts of electricity surging through his skin.

“AAAH! I l-learned i-i-t f-from c-cable t-t-tv!” Max responded as his hair began to puff up into a small afro.

After what seemed to be hours (when it was only five minutes), the gang finally noticed a large forest clearing about six yards ahead, just waiting to hide the unfortunate children. Although the Butterfree were out of sight, the cloud of paralyzing powder was gaining speed with the power of an additional Gust attack. Before long, it was only ten feet behind Max. “There are bushes over there! Jump into one!” Brock cried as he leaped into a large, emerald berry bush in the side of the forest clearing.

Ash followed in Brock’s lead and leaped into a jade bush right besides the berry bush with Beautifly at his side. “AAAH! THE LEAVES ARE ALL THORNY!” he cried as he landed into the jagged leaves of the bush. Combusken followed after Ash as he hurled May behind another large bush full of jagged leaves before leaping behind of Ash’s bush.

“Behind the bush! Why didn’t I think of that?” Brock exclaimed

“OWW! Combusken, why did you throw me like that? I hit my head you know!” May whined as she began caressing her sore head.

“Good! Maybe you’re brain damage will be reversed now!” Max cried, attempting to force in another sarcastic comment.

Pikachu and Max were still yet to enter the forest clearing, and the great cloud of Stun Spore was about to engulf them. Pikachu looked up at the boy, whose every hair stood on its end, and quickly formed a plan in his head. “PIKACHU!” the mouse pokemon declared as he sent two identical bolts of lightning from his cheeks into Max’s legs.

“WHOA! Thanks Pikachu!” Max said as his legs filled with electricity, boosting the power in all of his muscles temporarily. His legs started to work faster, and Max’s sprint reached the speed of an average Dodrio. Shocking everyone with his eye blurring speed, Max leaped behind one of the three bushes and fell straight on top of May.

“OUCH! That’s it, no more chocolate cookies for you!”

Pikachu followed Max with his tiny body rocketing itself forward and a ray of white light flowing from behind him. The Stun Spore was about to engulf him, but Pikachu had gained enough speed from his Quick Attack to be able to leap into a bush and avoid the attack. Unfortunately, little Mr. I-think-making out-is-CPR decided to play the hero.

“PIKACHU!” Ash shouted as he leaped out of his bush with many small cuts on his face and arms. He ran toward the speedy pokemon with his arms extended forward.

“PIKA chu chu Pikachu (NO YOU MORON! GET AWAY)!” Pikachu screamed as he saw his idiot of a trainer run toward him, ready to push him out of the way.

Right when the first of the golden spores were about to attach themselves onto Pikachu’s hind legs, Ash shoved his pokemon out of the way toward the other side of the forest clearing while he took the blow of the Stun Spore. “That has got to hurt,” May mumbled as she peeked over her bush to see Ash paying the price of love.

We’ll return to seeing Ash get attacked after this commercial….

[A man with his face concealed in shadow, dressed in an orange Armani suit with a large Persian sitting by his left side and a butler with his face also concealed in shadow standing by his right appears on the screen]

Giovanni: Greetings healthy, strong bodied adolescent children! I have an opportunity of a lifetime waiting for you! I am Giovanni Cartobellota, the leader of the legendary Team Rocket! Now I’m sure most of you are tired of your dead beat minimum wage jobs…

Butler: Errm sir, most of these children are too young to have jobs!

Giovanni: Shut up! Last time I checked you were supposed to be polishing my shoes and not putting your own input.

Butler: Sorry Sir [Kneels down and begins polishing Giovanni’s black Gucci shoes with a rag and spit]

Giovanni: If you want to live a luxurious life with weekends full of shopping malls and remotely good looking lovers, then Team Rocket is the job for you! We pay $100 for every medium rarity pokemon that you capture for our organization and over $500 for every medium rarity pokemon you steal! Imagine all the things you can do with all the money you make!

Butler [raising his head up]: Sir, with all do respect, over 70% of our workers live off of garbage and sewage water.

Giovanni [tossing fifty dollar bill on the floor]: Here’s fifty bucks. Now shut up damn it! Anyway, if my word isn’t convincing enough to how great the life of a Team Rocket member is, then here’s one of my workers to let you know the pleasures he lives every day.

[A short man wearing a custom Team Rocket uniform that is ripped and torn in several places with extremely dirty, shaggy hair and a thick stubble walks in]

Team Rocket Grunt: Errm, hi kids! My name is William Jackson, and my life has never been better since I joined Team Rocket. I have a sexy blonde girlfriend as well as lots of cool and rare pokemon. So join Team Rocket today!

Giovanni [staring at William flustered]: Errm yes, do what William says and join Team Rocket. Call 1 800 IMA MORON to receive a free pamphlet or even better join without question! Join within the next 24 hours and you shall receive this complementary Team Rocket hat!

[The butler stands up and puts on a large, black ten gallon hat with a large red R painted on walking around Giovanni’s chair, stopping occasionally to turn]

Giovanni [turning to William furiously]: AND CUT! William, what the hell is wrong with you! I gave you a two thousand dollar tuxedo and shoes to wear for this commercial damn it! You’re not going to convince children that working for me is luxurious with that ripped uniform! They might realize that they will be doomed to shitty lives you know?

William [hanging his head down]: I’m sorry sir, but I needed to eat something besides wild berries and garbage for once! I sold the clothes you gave me so that all the other starving Team Rocket members and I could get something from Red Lobster! And I used the remaining money for a nice hooker. A guy has needs you know! NEEDS!

Giovanni [blowing whistle]: GUARDS! Take him to be fed to the Houndoom! [Two giant, burly guards with their faces also concealed in the dark rush into the room and take a thrashing William by his arms to another room.]

William: NOOO! Whatever you do children, don’t join this bastard in his quest for world domination! You’ll be selling your soul to the devil damn it! THE DEVIL!!!!

Giovanni [watching as the guards and William leave the room]: What was that all about? Didn’t he realize that the commercial is over?

Butler: I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this sir, but the cameraman left to go to the bathroom when William first appeared.

Giovanni (eyes bulging): So you mean…

Butler: Yes, the camera is still rolling and this is a live broadcast.

We now return to the fanfiction

What the hell was that! These commercials get stranger and stranger… Anyway, Ash had shielded most of his tan face from the spores with his arms, but the rest of his body pretty much got paralyzed on the spot. After the first spores attached themselves onto Ash’s arms, the twitching began. The “loving” trainer began to shudder as he felt his nerves and muscles move about attempting to escape the wrath of paralysis. Unfortunately, the split second with the first spores felt like a gentle poke compared to getting engulfed by the entire cloud of Stun Spore.

The slightly more intelligent members of the gang cringed in horror as Ash became no longer visible inside the golden horror. Ash tried to open his mouth to scream in horror, but the spores attached onto his lips and prevented them from moving. After fifteen seconds of rushing through the forest, the Stun Spore finally subsided, leaving a statue of a golden boy covering his head with his arms.

The Butterfree came into the edge of the forest clearing and surveyed the paralyzed boy covered head to toe in golden spores. At first they nodded among themselves, content with their work, until one Butterfree pointed out how they were chasing four humans and two pokemon. The vicious bug pokemon began to scan the area with their large eyes and noticed the shapes of the somewhat more intelligent members of the gang behind a few bushes.

“Free (Attack)!!!” The first fifteen butterfly pokemon immediately dive bombed into the bushes while the poor prey could do nothing but stare up at their doom with one pupil.

When all hope seemed to be lost, many thin rays of rainbow light bolted from the other side of the clearing and knocking the charging pokemon out unconscious onto the floor below. In spite of their situation, the remaining members of the gang peeked up to look at their saviors. It turned out to be another hundred something Butterfree who looked equally murderous.

“Butterfree Free Butterfree (Stay out of this Darunia! We found these humans first and will have the pleasure of disposing of them from this sacred forest)!” the largest pokemon from the first group of Butterfree exclaimed.

“Free Butterfree (They’re in our territory now Nabooru! We’ll torture them the way WE see fit)!” the leader of the other Butterfree replied with a brutal look on his face. The two leaders flew from their swarms and faced each other over Ash’s paralyzed body, attempting to terrify each other with their most frightening growls while their underlings cheered them on.

Brock crawled out of his bush began to slowly walk backwards into the trees behind the bushes until about fifty Butterfree whipped their murderous gazes from the battle of their leaders to the dumbfounded young adult, giving him more than enough incentive to stay put. Out of nowhere, the Butterfree named Darunia whipped his head to the right while a few members of the first Butterfree group were distracted. His underlings immediately began to flap their wings violently, releasing tiny violet spores toward the gang. Beautifly fluttered up out of the bushes and began to slap her wings together in a Gust attack while Combusken stood up and released another barrage of tiny fireballs, which together would hopefully counter the Poison Powder attack. The venomous cloud was barely phased by the feeble attacks and continued to float toward the unprotected members of the gang.

“Oh no guys! We’ve escaped many pokemon attacks, but it looks like we’re doomed once and for all! Max, you annoy me very much but just remember that I still love you like a Volbeat loves an Illumise!” May sobbed, wrapping her arms around her younger brother in a dangerously tight hug.

“Ugg, Petalburgshipping…” Brock mumbled staring at the two in disgust.

“WHAT THE HECK IS SHIPPING!”

Max’s outburst attracted more than a “you’d rather not know” from Brock as they heard more flapping wings from the side of the forest clearing behind them. The three humans simply sighed and ducked down in the bushes yet again as two powerful gales erupted from the trees, splitting the poisonous attack in two parts that went to empty parts of the forest. The Butterfree watched the trees carefully for the source of the great gale when a single bright pink Butterfree that seemed awfully familiar to Brock came flying out to speak with the other leaders.

“Butterfree Butterfree (Saria, you decided to join us? Then you should know this is my territory and my kill)!”

“Butterfree Free (I’m sorry Saria, but I was the one who discovered them first)!”

“Free Free Butterfree (The Caterpie the humans attack was MY child and therefore they will be MY prey)!” the pink butterfly pokemon declared, glaring furiously at the two other Butterfree. She let out a low whistle, and her own tribe of Butterfree came bolting out of the same trees she came out of and charged toward the two Butterfree leaders.

Instinctively, all the other Butterfree swooped down toward their leaders for the chance to slaughter the gang once and for all; resulting in a huge crash as nearly all one hundred and fifty bug pokemon collided into each other. Thirty of the malevolent pokemon collapsed onto the ground, knocked out after the collision while the others continued to tackle and batter each other till the death.

In spite of themselves, Max, Brock, and May all peered over the top of the bushes once again to watch the huge melee of hundreds of what they once thought were gentle bug pokemon brutally assaulting each other in hopes of bathing in the human’s blood. One by one the Butterfree plunged from the melee into the ground slowly covering the forest floor with twitching pokemon. Out of nowhere, a cold hand grabbed the back of Brock’s shirt; he immediately looked back to see whose hand it was and yelled as if he had seen a corpse.

“What was tha—AAH!” May turned around to look at the source of Brock’s fright to see a beautiful woman approximately Brock’s age with a shockingly beautiful cascade of mauve hair that fell to her waist and the creamiest skin May had ever seen holding a handful of Brock’s shirt. One finger covered her scarlet lips as she signaled for them to follow her.

“We must escape before any of them notice! Hurry!” She grabbed Brock and Max by their arms and pulled them back into the tiny spaces between the lofty trees, leaving May and her pokemon behind without giving them a single glance.

“Well, that was rude. Come in without even telling us who she is and then taking us away, for all we know she could be a convicted female rapist who…”

“Combusken Busken (Shut up and let’s go)!” the black belt chicken mumbled as he hoisted May onto his shoulders once more and ran off toward the mysterious girl and the boys with Beautifly by his side.

“LET ME GO! I CAN RUN MYSELF!” May cried pounding her fists into the small of Combusken’s back, who ignored her as he caught site of the three humans several yards in front f him.

Five minutes of running later, the girl finally stopped running when she reached another forest clearing (luckily devoid of any Butterfree) and leaned against a rock as she wiped a thick layer of sweat from her forehead and began to pant heavily before taking a swig of water from a canteen. She was wearing a green and auburn uniform consisting of a long sleeved shirt and long pants ending in trainers. As she drank from her canteen, she glared viciously at Brock, who took a sudden interest on the fingernails on his right hand.

Max and May looked back and forth between the two curiously wondering why the girl was so angry and why Brock wasn’t bothering to flirt with her. Things were very mysterious indeed, and they got much more exciting when she stood up, walked toward Brock, and socked him as hard as she could in his stomach. Brock groaned in pain and collapsed to the floor, leaving him defenseless as she spat in his face and kicked him in the back repeatedly.

“Leave him alone!”

May marched over to the girl who was over a decade older than her and slapped her rosy cheeks silly, taking her by surprise. Even though the mauve haired girl released a powerful aura of girly girliness, she proved to be no weakling as she knocked May into a nearby puddle of mud with one elbow blow to the chest. Max guffawed at the sight of his sister covered head to toe in dirty mud until his enraged sister let out a roar of fury that awakened many slumbering pokemon from miles around.

A mud covered May lunged toward her attacker (who turned around and began kicking Brock once more), grabbed her by her cascade of silky mauve hair, and pushed her down into the mud, covering the back of her entire uniform in grime. Max and Brock gasped as they saw the extents of May’s anger. The beautiful girl sat up clutching strands of her muddy hair with her right eye twitching madly. May looked at her work in pride before she was pulled back into muddy puddle. Max stared blankly as he witnessed the two soiled females rolling around in the mud pulling each others hair and clawing and biting each other. He had a feeling he should be feeling something somewhere in his body…

The eight year old boy turned to see Brock who was in a state of dangerous ecstasy. His eyes opened in the first time for months and were shining like miniature brown stars; his grin stretched all the way across his face while his hands were in a certain place. Yep, you guessed it. They were on top of his head attempting to pull his spiky hair out of his scalp. Something clicked in Max’s mind, and he realized what he must do.

“BAD BROCKY! LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY!” Max ordered as he attempted to twist a struggling Brock’s ear off. After being slapped several times, Brock returned to normal and registered the seriousness of the situation in front of him in the corner of his mind.

He reached for a red and white Pokeball in his belt and released a cyan and white mudfish pokemon with a large fin protruding from his scalp and orange flaps extending from his cheeks. The pokemon caught site of his white fin like tail and began to chase it in circles.

“What the heck? When did you catch a Mudkip?”

“Oh, I got it since the writers wanted to advertise the three Hoenn starters, but that’s pretty much all he is, an advertisement. Frank told me last night that if he didn’t see me using Mudkip in a battle that I would be castrated by the supreme author who controls our every move!”

“WHAT?”

“I was kidding! Geeze, just stop asking questions.”

“Anyway, you know what you must do with Mudkip!”

“Ok, Mudkip, use… I can’t do it Max; I just—OWW—okay, can’t I—OWW—FINE, MUDKIP USE WATER GUN!”

Mudkip stopped running in circles and opened his mouth wide and sprayed the two brawling girls with a stream of water. The force of the attack separated them and cleansed their clothes of the mud. May glared at the girl she despised within five minutes of eyeing, who returned an equally nasty look. Brock quickly returned to his state of ecstasy seeing the two girls completely wet with their damp hair falling straight to their backs while their eyes were gazing rather seductively at each other, but one slap to the back of the head from Max later, he returned to normal.

“Okay, now what is going on, who are you, and how do you know Brock?” Max interrogated with his glassed eyes staring down at the beautiful, wet girl.

“Yeah! You see, we protect our friends fiercely and will never abandon them no matter what! No matter wha—hey where’s Ash?”


*********************

Pikachu shocked the last of the lingering Butterfree away, finally leaving the clearing completely empty. The pink Butterfree’s tribe had won the battle and managed to drive away the other vicious pokemon and then explained to Pikachu that they protected humans in the forest and to get his master away before a pack of Scyther eats him.

The mouse pokemon walked up to the paralyzed form of his master who was knocked face down in the soil, still covered head to toe in thick yellow dust. The poor child was so blinded by clichéd love he tended to make stupid mistakes. He scanned the forest to see if any rest of the idiots remained, but of course they had escaped and left both him and his trainer behind. Pikachu knew it wouldn’t be long before they noticed the lack of stupid comments and decided to just kill time until they came.

He pulled out a safely hidden cigarette from behind his ear and lit it on the embers of Combusken’s fire attack that lingered on one of the bushes. One puff of the chemical stuffed stick and his mind immediately went clear. He regretted that he had no “special pokemon leaf” which he needed to deal with the pain of being trained by Ash.


*********************

“Your brother clearly doesn’t know how to talk to a girl. I suppose that’s what can be expected when traveling around with that jerk Brock,” The beautiful girl looked scathingly at Brock before continuing her speech, “My name is Maura Charflora and I am currently a trooper of the sacred Wanzewald Forest. The bug pokemon here are extremely territorial, and it is our job to make sure filthy trespassers like you don’t get killed! I happen to own that pink Butterfree who distracts other Butterfree when humans are attacked. I also happen to be that filthy Brock’s ex-girlfriend!”


;012;

“ooooooo!”

“aaaaaaah!”

“oooo—Jessie, this outfit is too loose and not girly enough!”

“Shut up and continue scaring them—aaaaah!”

But the ladybug pokemon weren’t scared at all. Instead, they just stared blankly at the red eyes, some of them looking angry. Jessie and James realized it too with the absence of any sort of scared noise and cranked up the oos and aahs.

“Ledian Ledian Ledian (Blow the haze away with Silver Wind)!” one of the Ledian ordered.

The Ledian and Ledyba began to gently flap their tiny wings, releasing a gale of bright wind full of a strange silver powder. The attack blew away the black haze easily revealing two figures wearing large white bed sheets with red eyes painted on. Apparently, Team Rocket was having budget problems.

Even in the face of defeat, Team Rocket continued their futile attempt to terrify the ladybug pokemon, who were growing angrier by the moment. Another cloud of black haze began to seep through a bush, attempting to mask the oh-so-terrifying ghosts.

Ledyba and her brother flew into the bush and pulled out a large black snake pokemon with long, red fangs, purple and gold markings all over its long body, and a fierce looking crimson scythe of a tail.

“Seviper Seviper (NOO! I’m too beautiful to die)!” The snake pokemon cried as Ledyba and Ledian pulled her by her fangs up into the air, dropping her down on the other members of Team Rocket.

“OWW!” Jessie and James yelled as the nearly hundred and twenty pound pokemon crashed down onto their heads.

“Ledyba Ledyba (Do you think we’re idiots)?” the violent ladybug pokemon screeched as she began to kick James in his ghost costume fiercely.

“Let’s get out of here!” Jessie yelped as she removed her bed sheet costume and began to scurry away, leaving everyone behind.

“STOP HER!”

The ladybug pokemon extended their fists forward and tiny sharp gleaming stars began to materialize in front of them and immediately rocketed toward Jessie. The poor woman who tried her best to thrash and dodge her way out of the Swift attacks found herself outnumbered as tiny stars scraped her skin and tore her uniform.

“Oh, why me!” Jessie cried with her head inside her knees as a particularly large star ripped off a piece of her scarlet hair.

Both she and the limp corpse of Meowth were thrown back into the pile of idiotic criminals by a few Ledian and were surveyed by the murderous bug pokemon, who looked exhausted from all of their attacks. Seviper shrieked in horror and smashed the button in the center of her pokeball to return to its refuge as a newborn Ledyba growled at her from her mother’s arms.

Jessie and James turned to each other with their eyes filling with pearly tears. “Oh Jessie! This is it! We’re finally going to get finished off and our pathetic lives are going to draw to a close!” James bawled as he sobbed into his eyes.

More inappropriate comments ahead that can be skipped! You have been warned…

“And we’re going to die virgins!” Jessie wailed, blowing her nose fiercely into her pink handkerchief, casting an oddly furtive look at James with one eye.

“Errm, yes. Virgins…” James looked away from Jessie and became immensely interested in a cluster of leaves on the forest floor.

“What did you say?” Jessie asked in a quite, dangerous voice, raising her red eyes from the handkerchief to the cowering girly man.

“Nothing! Of course nothing…”

“WAS IT THAT MAGIKARP SALESMAN? OR THAT **** BUTCH? I CAN SEE ONE OF THEIR UGLY FACES IN YOUR EYES!” Jessie grabbed a handful of James’ uniform and pulled him toward her, staring intently into his beady, frightened eyes.

“N-n-ot them! I-I was just joking!” James whimpered as Jessie’s sharp nails dug into the skin in his chest. The Ledyba and Ledian didn’t bother to attack yet since it seemed one of the intruders was about to be killed.

“PERHAPS I HAVEN’T BEEN DOING MY JOB ENOUGH!”

Jessie pulled out a needle dripping with a clear fluid from her pocket and stabbed it straight into James’ right leg. His eyes immediately bulged out of their sockets and his mouth opened in a tiny “oh.” When the insane woman pulled the thick needle out, James began to wander around in a small circle giggling quietly with his eyes rolling around their sockets.


[b]MORPHINE

This powerful painkiller will immediately resolves some of the most painful aches and boo boos for people of all ages. Side effects include intense drowsiness, deliration, and inability to focus or concentrate. Control dosage carefully for it is easy to get addicted!

“Hmm, so this is the secret to Meowth’s pain relief! I suppose a little taste wouldn’t hurt,” Jessie mumbled as she stabbed her own leg with the needle.

The Ledyba and Ledian stared at the duo in awe as they walked with horrible balance in circles letting out moans of pleasures and occasionally running into each other. In case those of you at home haven’t realized it yet, James was, of course, kidding. Even if the people Jessie mentioned swung that way, I’m sure they could get someone much better than that sissy James. Like the Fat Bastard from Austin Powers for instance!

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SISSY JERK!” James roared as he snapped out of his temporary high and glared at me with the biggest look of fierce masculinity he could muster (which of course, was not that fierce or masculine).

“YEAH! ONLY I GET TO EMOTIONALLY HURT HIM!” Jessie shrieked with her fury replacing her giddiness in a split second.

“Oh shut up! I’ll insult anyone I want (except for those stupid twerps…)! Need I remind you who keeps you alive with the scraps of his meals?” I riposted, safe from retaliation in the bramble of the great apple tree which the Ledian and Ledyba surrounded.

“I’ll show you who’s a sissy! Would a sissy do this?” To the shock of every single being in the vicinity, James did the unthinkable. He grabbed Jessie by the back of flowing scarlet hair to her shock, dipped her down to his stomach, and kissed her as fiercely as he could, cramming his tongue down her mouth.

Silence insured for five awkward minutes as everyone gawked in horror at the horridness of Rocketshipping. The Ledyba and Ledian gagged in unison and looked away while I vomited nearly five times into the emerald leaves of the tree, dwelling on the thought of the act against nature that had just occurred. I only wished Ash was there to wonder when Jessie would have a baby…

At last, James unglued his lips from Jessie’s and stared down at his victim, who had a curious expressionless look on her face. For a split second her lips seemed to curl slightly at the edges into a smile, but she returned to her normal expression of pure annoyance and fury that seemed rather feigned. With her normally peachy skin shining bright red, she grabbed James by his lipstick stained lips and slammed his face into the dirt and kicked his side several times.

“HOW—DARE—YOU DO THAT! I—SWEAR—I’LL DISEMBOWEL YOU!” she cried, repeatedly smashing his foot into his side and occasionally punching his azure crown and finally driving her shoe into the worst place possible. Just like Meowth, James’ eyes bulged out their sockets, and he slowly let out tiny yelps of pain before shielding the area with his hands.

“Aww, how Kabali! Rocketshipping, so cute!” I replied watching the crazy, panting woman glaring down at the man rolling down on the forest floor who she clearly loved in a dangerous Helga-Arnold relationship.

Immediately after I finished speaking, Jessie turned her murderous gaze from James toward me. Her fury was worse than the anger of both the Ledian and Butterfree combined; her mouth began to foam and her skin reached a burgundy shade as she sprinted toward me with her arms flailing in the air, and her howls of a mad woman’s wrath sending the hairs on the back of my neck sticking up. Unfortunately for her, in her blind rage she seemed to have forgotten she was charging toward a swarm of dangerous ladybug pokemon hellbent on turning her into slush.

The original brother and sister Ledyba and Ledian clamped their white fists together in the air in front of them and began to mutter in Pokescript as a large, bright orange sphere began to form in front of them, growing larger as more tiny particles from all over the forest rushed inside of it. When the sphere had approximately reached the size of a basketball and Jessie was only seven feet away from the tree, the two bug pokemon released their fists into the air with their eyes shining brightly, and a large pillar of orange energy shot from the sphere and straight into Jessie’s chest.

One cry of pain later, Jessie found herself sprawled face down on James’ back with her legs resting on the unconscious cat pokemon. The Ladybug pokemon grinned maliciously and began to high five each other as they all followed in Ledian and Ledyba’s footsteps and prepared to release an entire barrage of Hyper Beam attacks as they joined their fists and began to chant the curse once more.

James, the only conscious member of Team Rocket, could only stare in horror as he saw about twenty of the photon like spheres forming in front of him getting ready to send him blasting off again. He wriggled and thrashed under Jessie’s full body weight in attempt to escape the attacks, but only found another reason to hit the gym as he watched many shafts of luminous energy rocketing toward him…

BOOM!

With a sickening explosion, Team Rocket zoomed straight up into the cloudy sky, disappearing with a twinkle as James half-heartedly cried out, “Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!!!”

And so the murderous Ledian and Ledyba showed how powerful their love to the members of their tribe was by eliminating the ones who attacked a simple Ledyba. Their apple trees were protected once more from filthy humans or grimy pokemon—

“Ledyba Ledy (SHUT UP)!”

“Ledian Ledian (You’re so annoying! Stop narrating)!”

“Ledyba Ledyba Ba (I say we get him out of here too)!”

To my dismay, it seemed that the Ledyba and Ledian who did not mind my presence for the past fifteen minutes have now turned against me. I swear; I should have just followed Mom’s advice and become a dude who just does junk with computers, much easier than this crap! Well, at least I get to meet all those sexy anime babes which I suppose makes up for—

“LEDIAN!”

“LEDYBA!”

“AHH! PLEASE NOT SILVER WIND ATTACK! NO! PLEASE NOT HYPER BEAM! OH DEAR GOD NOO! LOOKS LIKE THE NARRATOR FRANK IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!”

Seijiro Mafuné
3rd August 2005, 10:09 PM
Ioy. Really cool, and I love the random other stuff references.

Add more sweet stuff! Ioy!

xXSaberXx
3rd August 2005, 10:23 PM
HLARIOUS! >D I espically liked the Giovanni cut in there.

*gives one billion thumbs up* You're humor is something look forward to. I'm glad you stuck a Ledian in there> (God only knows how many times it's been ignored. >P) GOOD FIC, AND KEEP WRITING! ^__^b

jirachiman876
7th August 2005, 11:51 PM
Well, I'm surprised I stoped reading this. It's so freaking hilarious. I swear I am going to start reading this again. My god it's funny. Well great work. I was too busy laughing to find mistakes so I'm done now I guess.
jirachiman out ;385;

Riaf
9th August 2005, 11:22 AM
I remember this. Ash is still the hilarous retard. "CAPTAIN OBVIOUS? WHERE?!" XD

intergalactic platypus
15th August 2005, 3:13 AM
good
-stupid ash jokes rule. i love them keep em up
-the shipping references are very clever and would make a good running joke
-brocks ex will turn into a very funny plot point...
-the thing with the narrator was hilarious

bad
-i didnt like the giovanni commercial break
-the pokemon chasing people joke will get old if you keep using it

overall your a very clever author. im impressed

IceKing
25th August 2005, 11:15 PM
Thanks a lot for the reviews guys! Apart from Buttergirls, every single review I've gotten for this has been on the same lines of "this is really funny keep it up!" Im shocked out how so many people think that. Im concidering PMing one of the deadly critics so I can know that this fic is raelyl crap. Anyway, im getting started on chapter three and it will be up in 2-3 weeks hopefully. This chapter in my opinion will be the funniest out of all of them, with more shipping references, more Team Rocket hilarity, and the revelation of Maura and Brock's story.

I noitced theres been a lot of mixed feeligns about giovannis commercial (some love it, others including myself dont) and dont worry Buttergirl, there will onl be one mroe bug pokemon attack in this fic and it will be very short and toward the end. BTW, if I get anymore reviewers, I want to know waht you guys think about the true plot with teh sacred wanzewald forest and Maura, cus this fic was oirginally supposed to be centered aroudn those, not the parodies, but I suppose all the humor naturally came.

And one final note, if you have any suggestions for gags/thigns to parody I will be more than happy to take them into concideration (because I need some ideas as well). If flaming ruby ever reads this I KNOW she is going to want to suggest some brock fliritng gags

Elemental Charizam
26th August 2005, 1:17 PM
OMGOXORZ! I'm finally reviewing this, in your face IK! :p ;)

I assumed the bug chasings were parodies of the great deal of times the gang manages to screw the natural syste and ends running from something. I assume the ranger was why you wanted a girl that actually liked Brock once?

The comercial cracked me up XD The butler acting like the 'sexy' assistant usually does on that kind of thing...

5/5: :snowlax:

sk0rp10n
10th September 2005, 11:18 AM
Firstly, I would like to say that I am extremely objective when I review. You may have B#tched about T&T, and somehow dragged me into the picture, and we may have taken potshots at each other, but i put that aside when I review. If I do not like it, you will know about that. If I do like it, you will find out just as well. Seeing that no one has reviewed for so long, I decided to see what I could make of your work. On with the show.


"Calm down! It's just a random joke to please the Pokeshippers! And it can also please the Advancedshippers if you think about it…” Ash pleaded nervously as May towered over him, cracking her fists.

"Pokeshippers? Advancedshippers? What the heck are those?" Max asked curiously.

Danger, danger! Shippers are very fanatical and not the best people to poke fun at, but I enjoyed it all the same.


released a distant aura of cuteness, albeit it looked like a crack addicted worm.

I do not reall like "cuteness". ou should change it. "Crack" does not have a place here, IM, but I do not mind in honesty.



Ledyba smiled and pointed at a small inscription on the tallest tree. It read “Property of the Ledian and Ledyba”.

Nice funny line, but a little corny huh.

Ok, the narrator part was not really well done, although I could see why poeple would feel that is funny.


“Ummm…Pellipers?” Ash answered in a quiet voice.

Nice, classy humour there. Very nice indeed. Any writer would be glad to have that in his/her fanfic.


Sweat formed on May’s horrified face. “Umm, I love you?”

Now, this is what I am talking about! Best damn line thus far, and one of the funniest one-liners I have ever seen on these boards. ROFL.


And to think I nearly lost my eight life…”

Eighth life? Never mind, does not take anything away.

Some people do not like the advert? I like it. I think it breaks away from the flow and adds a quirky twist to things. Nice touch there.

The second chapter was inferior to the first, though. There was too much toilet humour there, not that I mind, but I can see how some would be offended. Still, I found this grossly amusing, no pun intended. I would like to see this continue. If I am asked o, I could sock the fic left right centre for errors, but tis is a damn comedy fic, and I cannot enjoy comedy fics if I am looking for missing fullstops and spelling errors.

Again, as much as I have slammed you. I do appreciate a good joke when I see one, and I believe you have found your niche. You may not be as equipped as some to right grandiose fics, but comedy is your cup of tea. Do look out for a nomination or two in the summer fics from me. I am realistic enough to feel that this fic deserves it. Good work.

Shadowcat
10th September 2005, 4:16 PM
Awesome and funny, Iceking! You are really good! And May and Max don't know what is shipping and Ash seems like an idiot here. Anyways, good chapters Iceking! *Gives Iceking a jar of Cookies containing 100 000 Cookies.*

Burnt Flower
19th October 2005, 3:01 AM
*Laughs evilly*

Oh, poor, poor, poor Fenit, what have you done?

I haven't really reviewed anything in more than half a year (or even more actually) but you have finally awakened that long-forgotten part of me. Be very, very scared. :)

Prepare to have your second chapter ripped into pieces. >=)


“No! This is that stuff Jessie injects into James while he sleeps!” Meowth cried as he read the label of the injector.

“You know what; I don’t care! I’ve been burned, frozen, shocked, crushed, and even thrown into a giant blender, and I handled it all damn it! I still have two lives remaining, so take your best shot you stupid ladies! Get it, ladybug? Lady? Ha Ha!” Meowth guffawed as he shut his eyes tightly and extended his neck, ready for the blow.

“What about my nose? Isn’t it bleeding badly?”

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to hear/imagine Meowth's real accent in these dialogues. He usually doesn't speak correctly and it doesn't matter to misspell words in the dialogue if you advice in time (in the Author's Note of course). He has a significant accent that is an essential part of his character in order to get his personality right.


As soon as I finished speaking, two tiny holes appeared flat in between Meowth’s black eyes and bloody mouth. The three bulkiest Ledian sighed in exhaustion and buzzed toward Meowth’s newly created nose to make sure it suffered as well. Six punches, four kicks, and ten cries of pain later, Meowth’s nose began to drip with tiny creeks of blood that stained his face red. Well what do you know; I guess IceKing was willing to give Meowth a nose.

I really started feeling sorry for Meowth by now, instead of seeing the situation funny. Just a random comment from my part.


“Ledyba ba ba Ledyba(If you’re going to crack a dumb joke, at least make up your own instead of using A Bugs Life)!” a female Ledyba scolded.

There needs to be a space before the bolded parenthesis mark.


“WHAT ! After all this complaining for all these years, and you don’t want a nose! And to think I was beginning to feel bad for you…”

Take out the space before the bolded exclamation mark.


“Could it be? They’re letting me leave! And to think I nearly lost my eight life…”

It's eighth.


He was shocked that at one time he was relieved to see the little Ledyba’s face.

Were you trying to say 'at the same time'? This sentence is a bit confusing.


“F***!”

Yeah, I've said it numerous times before, but I really hate those asterisks when there's an actual way to get around it (if you don't know, I'll tell you). You could just warn that there'll be some swear words in the second chapter in advance.


Nearby Ledian and Ledyba were laughing at the funny, yet sad sight.

Never had I wanted to hurt so much a pair of fictional Pokemon as much as this time.


their was absolutely nothing she could do to match his agony.

It's there.


Four shining red eyes appeared in the darkness and began releasing strange sounds.

How can sounds be released? Were they restrained in the first place? Some other word would fit much better.


“Behind the bush! Why didn’t I think of that?” Brock exclaimed

Needs a period at the end.


Call 1 800 IMA MORON to receive a free pamphlet or even better join without question!

If Giovanni didn't want anyone to know about the real conditions that working for him would bring, then why did he say to the camera an obvious telephone number that would prove the idiocy of the potential callers?


The slightly more intelligent members of the gang cringed in horror as Ash became no longer visible inside the golden horror.

Repetitive usage of horror.


When all hope seemed to be lost, many thin rays of rainbow light bolted from the other side of the clearing and knocking the charging pokemon out unconscious onto the floor below.

It's knocked.


Ash’s paralyzed body, attempting to terrify each other with their most frightening growls while their underlings cheered them on.

The first part of the sentence begins with Ash's condition yet it describes the Butterfrees' actions.


Brock crawled out of his bush began to slowly walk backwards into the trees behind the bushes until about fifty Butterfree whipped their murderous gazes from the battle of their leaders to the dumbfounded young adult, giving him more than enough incentive to stay put.

There needs to be a comma after 'Brock' and 'bush'. You also need to add 'who' after you add the first comma.


Even though the mauve haired girl released a powerful aura of girly girliness, she proved to be no weakling as she knocked May into a nearby puddle of mud with one elbow blow to the chest.

The bolded part could easily be replaced with 'femininity'.

The spoiler tags really ruined the comedic mood in certain scenes and they were really annoying. Either post a warning at the top of the chapter, or take out the spoiler tags altogether. Use the bypass censor thing on swear words since if you have the right warning at the top of each chapter, the stupid rule on censoring won't affect you.

Also, I felt the whole 'bugs chasing after the whole group' scene to be very drawn-out when it could've been easily shortened. I also commented about working on Meowth's accent - maybe hearing him speak in the anime can help (he pronounces 'twerps' as 'twoips', just an idea of how he speaks). I also felt really bad on Meowth's behalf and I swear I wanted to rip all the Butterfrees' and Ledybas' wings apart and then throw them into the nearest volcano so they could all die a very painful, fiery death while I happily poured gasoline all over them. Don't know if that's what you wanted your readers to feel. Oh and by the way, why doesn't the pink Butterfree remember Ash? You also need to add more descriptions in certain parts of the forest since no two parts of any natural envirnment are exactly alike in any shape or form. I also think this fic would work best as a parody since it's starting to shape up as one.

*gets out of evil mode*

So, where was I? =)

Oh, the parts that made me laugh really hard! =D


“SHUT UP! YOU’RE JINXING ME DAMN IT!”
Poor Meowth. *laughs*

Ledyba held the apple with four fists as she shut her eyes tight and swung back, releasing the fruit in a forty five mile per hour pitch straight into the doomed pokemon’s groin. For the first time in the entire attack, several male Ledian and Ledyba groaned along with Meowth as his eyes bulged out and his pupils rolled into the back of his head.
That's gotta hurt...

“May, if we don’t die here, I swear that I will tell Mom about the time I caught you mouth to mouth with that Brendan kid!” Max hollered as he struggled to increase the speed of his sprint.
Heh. =P

“What! Was she giving him CPR?” Ash exclaimed with a look of horror at the frightened face of Max.
More Ash comedy!

“Sure it doesn’t! I know how freaky guys get when they turn thirteen! I’ve watched ALL three American Pie movies you know…”
The parts hidden in spoilers were definitely some of my favorite parts.

“Captain Obvious? Is he going to save us?” Ash yelled looking up into the treetop infested sky with hope glimmering in his dumbfounded brown eyes.
Ash's idiocy is pure comedy gold.

“AAAH! I l-learned i-i-t f-from c-cable t-t-tv!” Max responded as his hair began to puff up into a small afro.
Loved that afro part. XP

“PIKA chu chu Pikachu (NO YOU MORON! GET AWAY)!” Pikachu screamed as he saw his idiot of a trainer run toward him, ready to push him out of the way.
There's something great about Pikachu calling Ash a moron. XD

I am Giovanni Cartobellota
His last name is hilarious.

And I used the remaining money for a nice hooker. A guy has needs you know! NEEDS!
LOL.

“Ugg, Petalburgshipping…” Brock mumbled staring at the two in disgust
I love the comedy that pokes fun of shippers. *giggles*

“Leave him alone!”

May marched over to the girl who was over a decade older than her and slapped her rosy cheeks silly, taking her by surprise.
Nothing like May protecting her man. :p

He had a feeling he should be feeling something somewhere in his body…
Priceless!

The eight year old boy turned to see Brock who was in a state of dangerous ecstasy. His eyes opened in the first time for months and were shining like miniature brown stars; his grin stretched all the way across his face while his hands were in a certain place. Yep, you guessed it. They were on top of his head attempting to pull his spiky hair out of his scalp. Something clicked in Max’s mind, and he realized what he must do.
Brock's descriptions of his eyes was so disturbing I just had to laugh.

“Oh, I got it since the writers wanted to advertise the three Hoenn starters, but that’s pretty much all he is, an advertisement. Frank told me last night that if he didn’t see me using Mudkip in a battle that I would be castrated by the supreme author who controls our every move!”
ROTFL.

“Yeah! You see, we protect our friends fiercely and will never abandon them no matter what! No matter wha—hey where’s Ash?”
With friends like that, who needs enemies? XD

“oooo—Jessie, this outfit is too loose and not girly enough!”
Spot on James' characterization!

“Seviper Seviper (NOO! I’m too beautiful to die)!”
Didn't know Seviper was vain. :P

Silence insured for five awkward minutes as everyone gawked in horror at the horridness of Rocketshipping.
How I agree... *pukes* :x

I swear; I should have just followed Mom’s advice and become a dude who just does junk with computers, much easier than this crap! Well, at least I get to meet all those sexy anime babes which I suppose makes up for—
Heh, the narrator wants some. =P

Fenit, I've noticed that you significantly and immensely improved on your grammar and spelling. There were almost no comma mistakes that I could find (my greatest weakness is comma misuse) and the sentence structure is done very well. It was also entertaining and easy to read and I honestly and truly enjoyed reading this. I was at hysterics at one point and I felt extremely bad (before I entred my evil mode, heh) to critisize something that made me roll around laughing.

And I actually liked the Giovanni commercial. :3

You really have a gift for comedy and I'm not exaggerating either - you're the funniest author here and you always manage to get at least a chuckle from me. Excellent job, Fenit!!!!! ;)

W00t! I actually finished a review request! :D

IceKing
20th October 2005, 1:44 AM
THANK YOU SO MUCH PATTY FOR YOUR CRUEL REVIEW! I AM SO HAPPY THAT I GOT YOU BACK TO YOUR EVIL REVIEWING SELF! Im thankful that you still remain the nice patty as well who always gets very upset when I leave AIM and is always looking out for me. You are a great pair up!


No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to hear/imagine Meowth's real accent in these dialogues. He usually doesn't speak correctly and it doesn't matter to misspell words in the dialogue if you advice in time (in the Author's Note of course). He has a significant accent that is an essential part of his character in order to get his personality right.


Thank you so much for this advice, it is really important but I suppose I kinda forgot about it. I gotta watch up on me pokemon episodes!


I really started feeling sorry for Meowth by now, instead of seeing the situation funny. Just a random comment from my part.


Dont worry it was morbid humor, the type you like.


Were you trying to say 'at the same time'? This sentence is a bit confusing.

When Meowth first saw Ledian, he was relieved it was not a Beedrill


How can sounds be released? Were they restrained in the first place? Some other word would fit much better.

Hmm, I dont see what you find wrong in the sentnece but Ill still find a better word


[If Giovanni didn't want anyone to know about the real conditions that working for him would bring, then why did he say to the camera an obvious telephone number that would prove the idiocy of the potential callers?/QUOTE]

Only a complete idiot and moron would join Team Rocket :)

[QUOTE]The first part of the sentence begins with Ash's condition yet it describes the Butterfrees' actions.

Wasnt there a part where they were hovering OVER first? Ill check that out


Also, I felt the whole 'bugs chasing after the whole group' scene to be very drawn-out when it could've been easily shortened.

Hmm, I felt that too. The purpose of the length was to make fun of the usaul bug chases and add a bit more morbidness into it.


I also felt really bad on Meowth's behalf and I swear I wanted to rip all the Butterfrees' and Ledybas' wings apart and then throw them into the nearest volcano so they could all die a very painful, fiery death while I happily poured gasoline all over them.

You know how evil those bug pokemon realyl are :) I will say that one group gets there connupenance in the end. That remidns me I have to write that "A Sunny Day" one shot...



The spoiler tags really ruined the comedic mood in certain scenes and they were really annoying. Either post a warning at the top of the chapter, or take out the spoiler tags altogether. Use the bypass censor thing on swear words since if you have the right warning at the top of each chapter, the stupid rule on censoring won't affect you.

Yes, I suppose what you say is true. The fact is if you cant handle those scenes you really wont handle this fic


[QUOTE][Oh and by the way, why doesn't the pink Butterfree remember Ash? You also need to add more descriptions in certain parts of the forest since no two parts of any natural envirnment are exactly alike in any shape or form. I also think this fic would work best as a parody since it's starting to shape up as one.
/QUOTE]

SSSH! YOUR GIVING AWAY A PLOT SPOILER! Ill be sure to work up on my descriptiosn and isnt this already a parody?


Again tahnk you so much for your review, the evil part and the benevolent one! I love you!

Ouallada
22nd October 2005, 8:38 AM
It has its funny moments, but your delivery is poor.


Four shining red eyes appeared in the darkness and began releasing strange sounds.

You mind telling me what that was about? Flow is terrible, and you do NOT release sounds.


three American Pie movies

Way to go, use a trademark, do read up on copyright a little. If it did boost your story, I would not complain so much. It did as much as the little ice cube who wanted hell to snow over.

I am not going to carry on with your mistakes, as by glossing over randomly I can already see many more such mistakes. Do proofread a little more, no, a lot more.

Oh I can handle drugs and sexual connotations. However, you handle them like they were cheap pops, all power to you. I have closet read some older fics since April, and I can see some elements that you recycled. Deny it if you want to, it is just a statement.

Your flow is simply not there throughout the work. Too much speech, too little description. Saying a Ledyba has six legs and looks like a ladybird is akin to saying that a Sharpedo has a dorsal fin and looks like a shark. You do have some comedic flair, but it relies too much on crassness. I would like to see some classy humour as well. You should stick to comedy, as writing flaws are less obvious in comedy compared to other genres of work.

2.5/5.

alyssa
2nd July 2006, 8:02 AM
i liked this story it is pretty funny and ash things liked he is retared. lol

IceKing
3rd July 2006, 1:19 AM
...uhh...I don't know how you found this fic, but it's long dead, and you didn't need to bump it up with a one-line post.

I'm getting this fic closed. *Shudders* I highly dislike it now and would rather it be removed from my memory forever