View Full Version : Love and Loyalty
2nd August 2005, 12:27 AM
PG-13 for violence and some later swearing. Wondering why I rasied the rating? (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=1942463&postcount=41)
Hooray! After an unnessicarily long wait (sorry about that ^^; ) Love and Loyalty is being rewritten! Chapter 1 is finished! As of the day I'm wririting this (August 1, 2005), Chapter 2 isn't done, but I really couldn't wait to get it up, because I know that several people are looking forward to reading this (and others have read the origional), so here it is!
Whoops, I almost forgot--The account I used to have, Puchiko Girl, was deleted because I was unable to log on. I tried getting new passwords, but it said they were invalid. Just wanted to confirm that so I didn't get accused of plagerism or whatever. O__o;;
I shall rate the chapters individually. :o
Table of Contents
Chapter I: White Rabbit (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=77984)
Chapter II: Painful Discoveries (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=1830033#post1830033)
Chapter III: Code Red (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=1935445#post1935445)
Chapter IV: Threes (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=1968265#post1968265)
Chapter V: Twin Blades (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2197061#post2197061)
Interlude: Prophecy (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2225214#post2225214)
Chapter VI: Song of a Bloodstained Mirror (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2517488#post2517488)
Key | Red - PG-10 or PG-13/White - PG or under
Newest Update (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=4102789&postcount=117)
Love and Loyalty
Chapter I: White Rabbit (PG)
Rosoku looked around him. He couldn't help but marvel at the overwhelming goings-on around him. The whole of Lilycove City, it seemed, was packed to the square inch with people. He expected no less, though--This was the Ho-oh Festival, after all. The celebration for the legendary Pokemoh Ho-oh, who had (according to legend, of course) reincarnated three Pokemon killed in a fire into Suicune, Raikou and Entei. It was also said that Ho-oh watched over humankind and Pokemon, only to reveal itself when Pokemon and man lived in harmony...
Not that Rosoku believed in any of this junk. No, he was too serious of a man to idle himself with fairytales and the like. He had only come here because he had some free time, and he hadn't been to the Festival since he was very small.
He surveyed the area quickly, then made a desicion that he knew he'd probably regret later and headed towards Lilycove Square. It seemed to be more crowded than the other areas; Rosoku had to lift himself onto his toes just to be able to see. The enormous crowd was like an ocean, the current pushing in all directions. There was an island, though--a small, unpopulated table. After a while of worming his way through the tightly packed mass of people, he finally reached his destination.
He had just begun to go into a daze, wondering what to do next, when he noticed someone standing next to him at the table. It was a woman; she had long, blond hair and soft blue eyes, which both blended well with here pale skin. Rosoku stood still for a moment, transfixed, when she too turned to look at him. Much to both of their surprise, both of them flushed and turned away quickly.
Rosoku's face was still quite red. What...Was that? he thought, holding his hand to his chest. This had never happened before. He managed to muster up enough courage to turn to the woman and say:
The woman turned to him; she was blushing also. "Oh. Um...Hello."
Rosoku let out his breath and attempted to start a conversation. "My name is Rosoku. You...You are?"
The woman smiled and bowed slightly. "Umi. It's nice...To meet you, Rosuku-san."
The two conversed for a while, and the longer they talked the more smoothly it went. Eventually, neither of them were aware of the world around them, they were so wrapped up in the conversation...Or was it each other they were lost in?
Despite this, of course, Rosoku never blew his cover. He couldn't afford anyone finding out that he was in Team Magma, expecially not her. Sure, when he was working he wasn't afraid to reaveal it (not like he could hide it with the uniform on). But if anyone outside the Team added two and two and linked his identities...Well, he didn't want to think of the possibilities.
Suddenly Rosoku was caught off guard. "Rosoku-san," Umi said quietly, "Well, would you like to...Go around the festival? You know, to get to know eachother better. Becuase...I'd really like to meet again, sometime."
Rosoku blinked, feeling the rush of emotions return. The two had become fast friends, but he had never expected this. All the same, he accepted and allowed her to take his hand as they headed towards the middle of Lilycove's Town Square.
At first the two started out shyly; occasionally there would be an embarrasing silence, broken even more awkwardly. Eventually, though, the two became more synchronized. Rosoku felt as if he had left Earth, and was in a secluded wonderland of pure happiness...
"Hey, are you two listening?"
Rosoku and Umi looked up, startled. A very irritated-looking salesman was glaring at them, tapping his foot angrily, his hands akimbo. "It's about time," he snapped. "The festival ended five minutes ago!"
The newly-formed duo gasped. Rosoku checked his watch. Surely enough, it read 4:49 AM. He quickly and reluctantly said good-bye to Umi, who nodded in response. The two dashed off frantically.
Normally, her hurriedness would have been suspicious to Rosoku, but now was not the time. When he was sure she was out of sight, he ripped off his overcoat, revealing his Team Magma uniform, and pulled on his hood. He released a Charizard, the mark of the Team branded onto its forehead. "The Hideout. Now," he commanded tersely as he boared the enormous winged fire lizard.
Rosoku was too nervous about being late to think about it now, but he really wanted to see Umi once again. He would; but it wouldn't be in the way he expected...
2nd August 2005, 1:00 AM
TWOOT! o.o I must say, bravo, BRAVO! *insert standing ovation here*
>P A short chapter, but all in all, exceedingly well done. Your descriptions lacked nothing and yet gave no excess in the way of wordy length. >3 Unlike meh! Haha, much loves to Umi......I have a sneaking suspicions she is.....In team Aqua. o-o;;;
I don't think I was here to read the orignal version, so kudos to the new (and hopefully better) one! :3
2nd August 2005, 2:08 AM
Hooray, my first reader! ^__^ I'm glad you like it. Yeah, I've changed it a lot since the origional version, and I think it's improved a lot. I'm glad you like the characters! I changed the names since the origional version. Rosoku used to be Pheonix, and Umi used to be Lily. Also, I stayed with the tradition of name definitions--Rosoku means 'candle' in Japanese, and Umi's name means 'sea' or 'ocean'. BTW, you'll meet Umi's brother Ame in the next chapter. His name means 'rain'. >:3
And I can't tell you if your suspicion is correct, 'cuz there are always people who look at spoiler tags that aren't directed towards them. *glares at them* xD Anyways, thanks for the input!
2nd August 2005, 3:23 AM
... I looked...
Oh well! So far, this is going great! -_- Short yes, but that's to be expected for a prologue and all...
2nd August 2005, 5:03 AM
she is in team aqua
Faerie goes to my school and is friends with me and she told me
2nd August 2005, 5:52 AM
Koimura: Thanks for the input! ^__^ Yeah, I know the chapter's short. It was longer on lined paper though. I'll try to make Chapter II longer.
Franklin: Yeah, but please don't tell them what's happening...Oh well, I guess now they know. They would have found out in the next chapter anyways. ^^;;
3rd August 2005, 1:06 AM
I put it in spoil/\ _ /\
3rd August 2005, 1:40 AM
its great!!!I usually hate stories but that story was actually worth reading (probably because it was about pokemon). I just think it could use a little more humor.
3rd August 2005, 2:38 AM
Again, thanks a lot for the input. ^__^ The next chapter is almost finished, so expect it up by Friday at the latest.
3rd August 2005, 3:15 AM
yay!(10 more characters)
4th August 2005, 2:32 AM
PROGRESS UPDATE: Wewt. Chapter 2 is coming along smoothly, and I think I'm about halfway done with it. It's going to be a heck of a lot longer than Chapter 1, which was almost 3 pages on paper, but was barely over 1 on Word. Go figure. Guess the computer is rather picky when it comes to typing up things. :rolleyes: Anyways, the second chapter will cover two or three events, most likely spread out over the course of...Oh, I don't know, seven pages or so. You can bet, though, that this chapter will be completley different than the other chapter, in all terms. Not only will we be learning several new things about familiar characters and meeting new ones, but as new plot twists unravel, new mysteries yet to be solved reveal themselves!
...God, this sounds like a book review. xD
4th August 2005, 2:36 AM
(to self) please have humor please have humor please have humor...
4th August 2005, 2:40 AM
(to self) please have humor please have humor please have humor...Don't worry, there'll be some o' that too. xD
5th August 2005, 4:25 AM
good(need 10 letters...um...why not!capture a wynaut!)
5th August 2005, 10:44 PM
PROGRESS UPDATE: Still workin' hard on Chapter 2. Sadly, it won't be up today (Friday) as promised, but it will be up on either Saturday or Sunday, you have my word. ;) Additionally, I'm trying to decide on a better name for the second chapter. I might use the one I currently have (Laugh While you Can), but I'm pretty sure a better one will come to me. Eventually. Coming up with names is harder than it looks...;__; Meh. Chapter 2 will have several more genre-elements than Chapter 1, which pretty much focused on introducing the main characters. Chapter 2 introduces you to Umi a little more thuroughly, and Chapter 3/4 will center around Rosoku.
5th August 2005, 11:32 PM
will there be wynauts singing the wynaut song?
~Dragon in the Shadows~
6th August 2005, 4:06 AM
I liked. Looking forward to read more.
7th August 2005, 6:19 AM
Team Magma and Aqua!!! YAYNESS!!! *dances*
There should be more fics about deez two. ANYWAY. Sounds very good so far. Well written. I am looking forward to more of this fic!! ^_^
7th August 2005, 6:42 AM
Good start, though I have my gripes:
-Sorta short, but I am not exactly one to say that, am I?
-The two of them bonded... um, pretty fast. Kinda unrealistic, but it definitely helps move the story along. XD
-Wish that there was a tad bit more insight on the character's minds, I would have liked to hear what was going on in there. I mean, you have a ton of stuff about the situation going on (i.e. not giving away that he's Magma-fied)but it would have been interesting to hear their thoughts about each other, ya know?
Otherwise, I liked the characters and the overall flow. I am definitely looking forward to reading some more! Don't worry, I'm not rushing you! XD
7th August 2005, 8:15 PM
:D Thanks for the input, guys. xD And you don't have to worry about rushing me for more, because Chapter Two's already finished. xDD So, I'll just get on with it and post the next chapter! And yeah, I changed the name...
NOTE: I will be gone for six days, until Saturday or Sunday of next week, and I expect to get the third chapter done by then. So here's the next chappy:
Love and Loyalty
Chapter II: Painful Discoveries (PG)
Umi sighed boredly, drumming her fingers on the table she sat at. Ever since she had been accepted as a grunt leader of Team Aqua, her job had gotten more and more tedious. The war between them and Team Magma had rapidly become worse; this meant more missions for the admins and the SSS--and, consiquently, less and less for her and the other Grunt Leaders.
She opened her eyes, just wide enough to see the screen in front of her, Still nothing. Umi knew well that her chance of survival was significantly lower while on a mission, expecially since she was only at the second rank...Still, she would like to be on missions more often than she already was.
"Hey, Umi," a familiar voice called, "Come see this!"
Umi turned around to see Ame, her brother, waving to her from his seat across the room. He was grinning broadly, clearly in a very good mood. "Check this, Umi," he called again. "It's hilarious!"
She walked over to him, wondering why he was in such high spirits on a dull day like this one. Ame, seeing her expression, laughed and brandished a sheet of paper in her face. "See this?" he asked happily.
Umi squinted at the paper, wondering how he could expect her to read text on a moving target. "Bannai? You mean the guy Izumi took on at the Weather Institute? What about 'im?"
Ame stopped waving the paper, however maintaining his grin. "Well, it turns out the person he disguised as to sneak in to the Institute was a woman. Crazy, I know, but completley true!
"As if that wasn't enough," he continued, "Both of the information discs were fake, so he got about as much of the information as anyone: none."
Umi unsucsessfully tried to hide a snicker. "Is that the best they can do? Honestly, Team Magma is going awfully low nowadays."
Ame nodded in agreement, now smiling so widely that Umi could almost count his teeth. Today was turning out not to be as bad as it had started.
Suddenly Umi noticed someone standing behind her. She whirled around, and when she noticed who it was, reddened with embarrasment. "Oh! Sh-Shizuku-san! You're back already?"
"Well, I'm standing right here, so you'd think I would be," Shizuku commented airily, taking the paper from Ame withought cracking a smile. "What's this we have here? Something about that Bannai idiot?" Now he looked up at Ame, clearly amused. "When did you find this out?"
Ame inclined his head to one of the highest-ranking members of the Team. "Just about an hour ago, sir."
Shizuku handed the paper back to Ame, who took it shakily. "This is great! I sure picked the wrong day to be gone." And with that, Shizuku turned and walked away.
Umi worriedly turned to her brother. "Did you see that? Shizuku-san's pant leg was ripped, and he was limping. Are you sure he's..." she trailed off nervously.
Ame shrugged it off lightly. "You worry too much, sis. He didn't look to badly injured; besides, he's one of the SSS trio. There's nothing to get into such a tizzy about."
Umi agreed reluctantly and walked slowly back to her chair. As she sat down, she wondered if, maybe, Ame was mistaken. With the war at hand, Team Aqua needed all the fighters possible. If Shizuku wasn't able to recover fully by the next battle, the results could be disastrous.
Still, she thought, Team Magma had no more data on the two Titans than they'd had months before. In that sense, we're still in the lead.
Additionally, the SSS trio was a force to be reckoned with. Shizuku was able to keep a cool head in almost any situation, making him a skilled fighter and schemer. Izumi had very strong legs, enabling her to jump great heights and deal powerful kicks. Ushio specialized in arm strength, and so accordingly had deadly throwing aim. With these three on their side, victory wasn't just a remote possibility.
Now feeling more confident, Umi let her mind wander. Naturally, the memory of the Festival floated back to her. I wonder if I'll be able to see Rosoku again, she thought. It's not like it'll be any time soon, but it would really be nice just to talk to him one more time...
* * *
The next day, Umi's worries had returned. Shizuku really had been in bad shape yesterday, and she was sure something terrible would come of it...
Suddenly she remembered something. Wait a minute, she thought. Wasn't I supposed to go on a mission today? Oh, that's right; Ushio had found out about the use of some sort of scanner, and we were going to retrieve it from an old shipwreck.
At that moment, Umi heard voices coming from the hallway.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to follow through with this withought Shizuku?" a female voice asked.
"Don't worry," another voice replied, which was clearly a male's. "It is likely that you'll run into Team Magma while you're there, but there's no doubt that you, some admins and a few grunt leaders can handle 'em."
The woman sighed. "Yes...But if they know about the Scanner, they'll know we're also after it; that means they will obviously send two of the Fireheads to retrieve it. We can't have any more serious injuries; with the war going on, it's too dangerous of a risk to take."
"Well, at least one of the three of us has to be at the hideout unless there is an absolute emergency, and Shizuki still hasn't woken up, so my going is out of the question. Besides, we've kept the information as confidential as possible; not even the admins know about it."
"I suppose you're right. Still, if the Scanner works, we will obtain the Red Orb soon. What if Shizuku hasn't woken up by then...?"
"It will take a while for the orbs to reveal themselves. Doubtless Shizuku'll have woken up by then. Besides, he's only been in this coma--or whatever it is--for a day," the male replied. Then he added slyly, "You really have too much of a sort spot for him."
"Oh, just shut up!" cried the woman's voice, causing the other person to erupt with laughter.
The female cleared her throat indignantly. "Anyway, you do have a point. There is nothing to get so worried over."
After that, there was silence. Umi reflected on what she had just heard: Did something happen to Shizuku? Had he collapsed like they said? Did the Scanner have something to do with the Orbs? Her mind was reeling.
Suddenly she realized that she had been overhearing two of the SSS trio, Izumi and Ushio. It was strictly against the Team's code of conduct to eavesdrop on those higher-ranking than you; what would happen to her if someone found out?
7th August 2005, 9:26 PM
Unique and interesting fic. There's going to be a lot of trouble with Umi and Rosoku battle... which I'm guessing is going to happen. Me likey.
7th August 2005, 11:38 PM
Ah, excellent chapter. Great improvement on length, and I love the way your characters interact with each other. But I did notice that there were a bunch of new characters introduced here; that could lead to confusion and having to re-read it a few times... Well, at least that's what it did to me. XD Anydangway, the plot about war between the teams is a very good idea, and it will surely give you a lot of opportunities for twists and what not... So, great job! I'll be back next chapter!
~Dragon in the Shadows~
9th August 2005, 1:19 AM
Aye, not bad! (but i did like the first chapter more)
9th August 2005, 2:28 AM
... I like it. But i'd really prefer if the chappys were longer
14th August 2005, 2:10 AM
^__^ Thanks for the input, guys. It's sorta hard to get chapters the right length, but the next few chapters will be longer, hopefully withought unneccisarily dragging them out. I was gone for a week at camp, so I only got two pages of the third chapter written in the past six days. T__T
14th August 2005, 3:00 AM
its on my site now and has its own page
15th August 2005, 8:36 PM
Thanks for the comments. Chapter 3 should be up by the end of the week. I only have about two and a half pages so far, but I was really busy with camp and all last week, so I didn't get much of a chance to write. Sorry for the long wait, guys. ^^;;
Oh, Shiny Spoink: I can't find it on your website. Can you send me the link?
17th August 2005, 2:17 AM
I love Team magma/Aqua fics!! Don't worry about the lenght because its never good when your first chapter is super long!^_^ its a unique story but i sometimes forget the japenese names>_< Anyway keep going!
;197;- you get the Umbreon of approval!
17th August 2005, 8:13 PM
:3 Hooray! Another reader! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the story. And yeah, I'm not suprised that some people'll have trouble with the Japanese names.
Aha, found 'em!
Hopefully this will be of some use to you; I'll put up more as new characters are introduced. ^__^
18th August 2005, 5:34 AM
Love & Loyalty (http://www.freewebs.com/pikamario/loveloyalty.htm) theres also a link on the story page. You should sign my guestbook or do the art contest, they are fun.
18th August 2005, 6:01 AM
Thanks for the link; I couldn't find it on the Stories page when I looked. o__O;;
21st August 2005, 5:29 PM
thats because i forgot to put it up, i put it up now
24th August 2005, 2:25 AM
Ehehe, sorry for making you guys wait so long for this chapter, I've just been really busy, and this chapter is much longer than all the others. ^^;; Well, I hope you enjoy Chapter 3, which is...Uh...Oh, forget it! Just read the chapter so I don't have to embarras myself. xD
Love and Loyalty
Chapter III: Code Red (PG-10)
Not once on the trip did Izumi mention the happenings of the previous day, meaning that Umi had not been caught. She knew well that ignorance was no excuse for her crime, but it really hadn't been intentional. Umi sighed, knowing that it was useless to dwell over what the past held. As long as no none found out, she would be safe from false accusations--or true ones, for that matter.
She was brought back to reality as precipitously as she had left. "Alright," she heard Izumi call. "We've arrived."
The woman jumped gracefully from her Vibrava, stepping forward onto the deck of the old ship. She narrowed her eyes, scanning the deck apprehensively. Large, dark holes scattered the deck; they looked like silhouetted bodies, giving the ship an eerie disposition. Izumi rolled her eyes as if to say, 'Like this is going to stop me.' Grabbing Umi and a abashed-looking male admin by the arm, she retreated a few steps, then performed a running leap, clearing two of the gaping cavities in a single bounding leap.
She landed cleanly on the other side. Letting go of Umi and the admin, she turned to the rest of the members, telling them to go the long way. "We'll mmeet you down there," she instructed hurriedly, and turned towards the two doors leading to the inside cabins.
As the three of them walked through the hallway, Umi furrowed her brow, puzzled. Why had Izumi chosen to bring her along rather than another admin? Was there something Izumi wanted from her? Hopefully Izumi hadn't found out about what had happened yesterday and...Well, Umi just hoped that wasn't the situation. She shook her head, either not seeing the admin's antics to catch Izumi's eye or pretending not to notice.
Suddenly Umi saw something out of the corner of her eye. A young adolescent girl was trotting along elatedly, twirling a key on her white gloved finger. Izumi alluded this also, and a split second later, was clutching the key in one hand and the girl's neck in the other. "How convinient," she laughed maliciously. "Two birds with one stone..."
The girl struggled in her grip, thrashing her legs about desperatley "Let go...of...me!"
"You really think I sould just becasue you asked?" Izumi grinned, watching sweat drip onto the girl's crimson shirt. "What a fool. A weakling, too--you're so cute, it's disgusting."
Reaching for a Pokeball in her belt, the girl managed to whisper "Leaf Blade!" indistinctly as she released a Grovyle, who promptly lashed out with its arm at Izumi. The aerodynamic emerald scythe whistled through the air as it hit it's target straight-on.
"Damn it!" schreeched the admin, staggering backward and releasing the girl. Warm blood slid down her normally pale and immaculate face. "If that's how you're gonna play, then fine!" Instantly Izumi's foot shot up, striking the girl's chin and slamming her into the wall.
Izumi watched as the child shakily tried to stand. "Next time," she hissed, "Consider who you're aiming at before you strike."
As the three of them left the room, Umi couldn't help but steal a glance at the girl. Her Grovyle knelt distraughtly by her side as she lay motionless. Umi knew that the girl wasn't dead; Izumi had only done what she felt neccesary. If the girl had continued to fight, who knows what would have arisen.
The male admin hastened his pace; now he was walking adjacent to Izumi. "Um...Excuse..."
By now, the woman had lost her patience. She turned to the admin, glaring at him venomously. "What do you want?"
The admin froze, his mouth open in a demoralized smile. "I, er...I think I might know where the Scanner is."
Izumi turned her full attention to the admin, her eyebrows raised in suspicious engrossment. "Really now," she asked, "Do you?"
Now slightly more intrepid, the young man nodded. "Yes. I came here--to the Abandoned Ship--shortly before I joined the Team. It's in a locked room down the stairs in the right corner of this room-" he pointed manifestly "-and I'm pretty sure that key goes to the door."
"Alright, then. Follow me," Izumi instructed the two of them. She didn't seem any less tumultuous about the girl, but she at least wasn't having to waste any time ransacking the entirety of the ship, which seemed to put her in a healthier mood.
Umi nodded, then removed a small white disc from her pocket. She pressed a button on the back disquisitively; a long baton-like rod extended from it. She gripped the handle, quickly reckognizing the object. It was an Itemfinder, a sort of all-purpose metal detector. It could pinpoint any hidden object, hence its name. This could come in handy, Umi thought.
As they decended onto the lower level of the vessel, Umi retracted the handle of the Itemfinder and pocketed it. As she looked around, she saw trainers running amok and battles to and fro. The Abandoned Ship really was anything but, when you thought about it. However, it took on a dissipated air when they entered the room: some trainers fled in fear, while others pressed their backs against the walls submissively. Izumi simply snorted and continued walking.
The admin indicated a small room in the corner. "That's the one," he informed the orange-haired woman vanward of him, who nodded and wondered why Ushio hadn't bothered to tell her any of this.
Meanwhile, Umi saw a horned, blood-red commodity standing against the wall near her. She turned, gasping with suprise as she managed to register the blur of color before it vanished from sight. "Izumi-san," she cried urgently, "Team Magma is here!"
Izumi abruptly whirled around, startling the admin. "They're here?!"
"Yes; I just saw one of them now! He saw us, and then ran off."
Izumi cursed angrily. "He must have been reporting our location to an admin, or one of the Fireheads," she snarled through her teeth. "They wouldn't be here if they didn't know we were in the first place, so I wouldn't be suprised if they came prepared." Withdrawing her Pokegear from her pocket, she spoke quickly, "This is Izumi. A member of Team Magma has been sighted in sector B-2. Scour the entire area; bring three other admins and five grunt leaders with you. Send the rest to search sector B-1. If you encounter any admins, grunts or grunt leaders, take them down, but if you see one or more of the Fireheads, retreat and inform me immediatley."
Repocketing the Pokegear, she turned to Umi and the admin. "Despite the situation," she said cooly, "We're continuing the original mission. Follow me."
* * *
"So, how'd it go?"
Once again, Umi sat at her desk in the Team's base of operations. Her brother was loitering beside her, putting his weight upon one arm which was resting on the table in front of the two siblings. Umi snorted, and showed Ame her heavily bandaged arm. "How d'you think it went?"
Ame inspected the bloodstained cloth. "Come on," he said, "You knew I was asking if you'd gotten the Scanner or not."
Umi set down her pencil, kneading her forehead. "Yes, we got the Scanner. You'd know if we hadn't. Now will you let me finish my paperwork?"
Ame hoisted himself up, turning to face the opposite side of the room. Before he left, he said, "Whatever. Just wanted to know."
Glad he was finally leaving her alone, Umi recommenced filling out the sheets that sat in front of her. Ame was older than her, but he was profoundly immature. She suspected that it was only his combat abilities that had gotten him a position as a grunt leader; conceivably, his entire membership in the Team rested only on that trait.
Umi laid her pencil on her desk again, done with her work, and leaned back on her chair. Closing her eyes, she focused on the fleeting image she had of the Magma associate she had seen prior to finding the Scanner. He had looked strangely familiar; she hadn't been able to fully descry his face, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she had seen him somewhere before. Deciding that she had probably encountered him on a previous mission, she convened her papers and went to turn them in.
As she walked down the corridor, a question was trying to fight its way out of Umi's mind. This irked her, so as she handed her papers to the admin she had worked with earlier, she asked, "Do you know what happened to Shizuku-san yesterday?"
He shrugged. "Not really. I asked Izumi-san, but all I got from her was 'They say bad luck comes in threes'."
"Not much, but you can get an idea of what went on from that," Umi mused thoughtfully.
As she sat back down at her desk, Umi pondered over Izumi's strange words: "Bad luck comes in threes." What did it mean? For sure, it correlated with Shizuku's mysterious injuries, but how? Did it have to do with what had happened? She looked over her puzzlings.
What, exactly, had happened?
How had it come about?
Why had it happened?
Umi blinked. Maybe she was onto something. Maybe if she looked over the basic words used to start questions, she could compile a list of what she did and didn't know. Possibly this could help her figure out something paramount.
What had happened? She knew Shizuku had been injured, but the exact details were missing.
When had it happened? Yesterday while Shizuku had been on his mission. That wasn't anything to get into a tizzy over.
Where had it come about? Another easy one: he had been at Mt. Pyre collecting information about the twin Orbs.
Why had it happened? Maybe Shizuku had been injured in battle? She wasn't sure about this.
Umi laughed aloud at her triumph. Of course! When she had lucubrated the situation, she had skipped over the most important and yet most obvious piece of information of all: Team Magma. They, too, harboured an elite trio of admins: Hokage, Kagari and Homura, known to most as the Fireheads. When Izumi had said that bad luck came in threes, she had been reffering to them.
Suddenly a frightening truth occured to Umi, semblancing any sense of accomplishment she had previously had in a dark, ominous shadow. Shizuku hadn't been alone when he had left; like the most recent mission, he had brought several of the Team's most skilled admins with him--besides Ushio and Izumi--along with him.
However, he had returned alone.
Umi's soft blue eyes took on a tint of fear. The amassed power of all of those admins and Shizuku was equal to the power of two of the SSS trio, if not more. If the Fireheads were able to slay all the admins and severely wound Shizuku withought taking much of a beating themselves would mean that the power of Team Magma had clearly skyrocketed. Not only had the battle so far been lost, the war, too, was slowly slipping from their grasp. And, she thought, horror-struck, There really isn't much we can do...
Umi bit her lip as she told herself, Calm down. Don't do anything rash. Their ranks still weren't that low, and they had the Scanner, which clearly had something to do with the Red and Blue Orbs, judging by Izumi and Ushio's conversation.
Still, as Umi stared at the deep scarlet stain on her makeshift bandage, she couldn't supress a chilling sense of dread inside her.
24th August 2005, 3:25 AM
Hoorah *dancedance* ^_^;;; I'm finally caught up!
And just as I suspected..... I felt excited during the whole chapter ^_^ Glad I got to read it today! Good job!
*Hands you Hoka plushie*
24th August 2005, 3:31 AM
Kai! x3 *dances also* Good to see you like it! Yeah, this chapter was sorta longish, but I think that's a good thing. *takes Hokage plushie and hugs it* Speaking of Hokage, he'll be heavily mentioned at the absolute least in the next chapter. Something to look forward to, eh? ;)
24th August 2005, 3:42 AM
Speaking of Hokage, he'll be heavily mentioned at the absolute least in the next chapter. Something to look forward to, eh? ;)
O_o OMFG *Dies*
I think my heart just gave out XD A good story with good characters is..... well, good XDDD
24th August 2005, 3:54 AM
interesting chapter and its quete oobvious who the magma person was... How did she get hurt anyway? It would be better if you told us how it happened. oh well it was a good chapter>_<
Kai has left the thread
24th August 2005, 7:00 AM
I'm back... this chapter was pretty good, and don't worry about length; that was nothing! I've never been one for long fics, so this was an easily digestable length for me. But getting back on track, you have quite the writing skill; you fit in well with the other fic giants on these forums. The plot is getting pretty thick (and it's only the third chapter? GAH!), and there is a ton of stuff that I'm trying to figure out... but that's what more chapters are for, huh? *sighs from writing this crappy review* Oh well. Some days ya just can't do it...
*scurries off to play more Sigma Star Saga*
24th August 2005, 11:51 PM
^__^ Once again, thanks for the input! I'm glad you like the newest chapter. I personally think that this is my best chapter yet, and if you wanted to know, the fourth chapter should be up by the end of the week or sooner, depending on the length I choose to make it. I currently have a little less than three pages written, and I'm making some considerable probress. Look forward to it!
~Dragon in the Shadows~
24th August 2005, 11:58 PM
It was good.^_^
25th August 2005, 5:52 AM
Thanks! ^^ I see that you guys really like it. New things are to come that you probably won't expect though. O__o;
By the way...Anyone notice that I raised the rating to PG-13? Well, I have a lot of the later (much later) chapters written in my mind, and I decided that I'd raise the rating. PG-10 is suitable for what's happened so far, but in the future a higher rating might be neccesary.
Thank you for your time. *slithers away*
29th August 2005, 6:07 AM
Yeh, Chapter Four is finally up. I know, it's only been a week, but the last few days have seemed really, really looong. X__x Well, the last chapter was a longer wait, so I suppose it's not that bad. And, we hit over 1,000 views! Thanks to everyone who helped this fanfic grow and supported it on its way! ^__^
Love and Loyalty
Chapter IV: Threes (PG-10)
A golden sun shone brightly, illuminating calling birds as they streaked across the cloudless sky. The perfect weather was enough to put almost anyone in high spirits; however, yet unsurprisingly, this had nothing to do with Team Magma's good mood, partially because their base was deep underground.
Rosoku leaned casually against the back of his chair, grinning with satisfaction. Everything seemed to be going their way: The last few battles had been surprisingly successful, and while they had distracted Team Aqua at the Abandoned Ship, Hokage had retrieved the real information disc from the Weather Institute. To top it off, Shizuku and several admins from Team Aqua had been taken down very quickly, meaning that with all three Fireheads now in action and only two of the SSS, they had gained the upper hand.
"The Team's doing pretty well for itself, don't you think?" Rosoku asked the figure standing beside him.
The man's eye twitched angrily, seeming to bring life to the green marking on his cheek. "Whatever."
Rosoku smiled at him slyly. "Come on, admit it: you're jealous of Hokage, aren't you?"
"I'm not jealous!" The admin cried. "I'm just ticked at him because he's always rubbing it in my face how he can do anything I can't do!"
“You can’t get too confident just because you’re an admin,” Rosoku reminded him. “There’s always going to be someone better than you.”
“Same goes for you—you’re just a grunt leader,” the admin muttered disdainfully.
Rosoku continued to smile. “I know. I’m not saying that I’m better than you, just a lot more level-headed.”
His face contorted with rage, the admin had to clench his teeth to keep from shouting. “Moving on,” he growled, “There’s something more important that I came to speak to you about. As you know, Team Aqua has managed to get their grubby paws on the Scanner, which gives them the power to locate any object no matter how far away it may be; it can also copy data and translate documents or speech. It’s likely that they’re going to use it to locate the Orbs and gain control over the two Titans. We’re going to have to find the Red and Blue Orbs before they do.”
“And if we don’t find them in time?” Rosoku already knew the answer to this question.
The admin laughed. “Well, then we’ll just have to take it by force, won’t we?” He drew a dagger from his belt and licked the blade fondly.
As the admin turned to leave, Rosoku grinned, saying, “Now that’s the Bannai I know.”
There was silence after that. Rosoku savored it, knowing that he wasn’t going to get very much of it in the days, perhaps weeks to come. Judging by what Bannai had told him, there was a lot of work to be done. Who knows, maybe the Fireheads were already preparing?
And, in a way, they were. Flames crackled in a large stone room, empty but for two slightly rusted chains hanging from the wall and its occupants. The chamber’s floor was decorated with dried bloodstains, adding to its foreboding aura. Two men and a woman stood in the room allowing the white-hot flames to caress them.
One of them, a man with wispy purple hair, spoke up. “Getting the Orbs is really gonna be a pain without the Scanner, especially if we have to deal with Team Aqua while we’re at it.”
“Well, even in a worst-case scenario, Shizuku’s out of the way,” the female responded, blowing a large pink bubble with the gum she seemed to consistently chew. The fire danced like starlight in her yellow, catlike eyes.
A second man joined the conversation; he had long, blond hair that constantly hid his left eye. “Not that it is that much of a worst-case scenario,” he commented in a calm, smooth voice.
“Still, we wouldn’t be in this situation if someone hadn’t let those people at Mt. Pyre live,” the short-haired one muttered dryly. “We might even have the Orbs right now if you hadn’t totally screwed the plan.”
“That is enough!” the second man shouted angrily. “You know well that Shizuku would still be a problem if he had not gone to Mt. Pyre, and that would not have happened if—“
The woman popped her bubble and grabbed the two males by the scruff of their necks. “Hokage! Homura! Get a hold of yourselves! Looking back on our failures—and, yes, even our accomplishments—isn’t going to help us with the task at hand. So would you try to focus on what’s really important now?”
Hokage’s voice showed no remorse, but his visible eye had averted its vision to his shoes. “Whatever. Kagari, what do you think our plan of action should be?”
Kagari shrugged, absentmindedly twirling a strand of night-colored hair around her finger. “I think it would be more helpful if we got the scanner first before going for the orbs, don’t you? That way we could translate the context of…”
“The Final Resting Place!” Homura said loudly, startled by this abrupt reminder. “I’d almost forgotten about that. The information there written of the tombs is crucial to us: it’s said to have all sorts of information on the Orbs, Kyogre, Groudon, the and the true legend of how the two Orb-holders put the two Titans to rest thousands of years ago.”
“I have heard that it has a prophecy about the two future holders and a ‘repeat of history’. Perhaps it has something to do with us,” Hokage mused silkily.
Kagari frowned. “By ‘us’, you mean…”
Hokage pulled down his hood, running his fingers through his hair. “I mean Team Magma and Team Aqua. We all know that Matsubusa and Aogiri are the Orb-holders of the future—or present, to be more precise—so it is clear that the ‘repeat of history’ must be speaking of the clash between the Titans so long ago. But what we want to know most is this: Will the Orb-holders play as important of a role as they did in the past? Will they be nothing but pawns, simply awakening the Titans and ending their role there? Or maybe they will be solo artists and we will be completely unimportant? If there is a prophecy written at the Final Resting Place, likely our questions will be answered.”
“I still don’t get,” Homura said as he leaned against the wall, “Why you two get so worked up about some prophecy. I mean, how do they know what’s going to happen until it happens?”
Kagari simply smiled at him. “I don’t believe in coincidences.”
* * *
Rosoku stared at the textured, clay-colored ceiling, distractedly stroking his Quilava. The last two days had been oddly uneventful, but a lot had happened at once earlier that week, with the Abandoned Ship, the Weather Institute and whatnot. He suspected that the Fireheads and the Leader were planning for things to come. Bannai had talked about future goals, and they probably were going to be attempted not too long from now.
“It is time to go.”
Rosoku looked up at the tall man standing beside him. “But I thought we were still preparing…” He trailed off, not exactly sure what the preparations were being made for.
Hokage laughed; if it wasn’t for his uniform, he would have looked like an average young adult. “Exactly! That is why we are leaving. Come with me.”
Rosoku nodded quickly, following behind Hokage like a dog as they exited the room. He couldn’t suppress a childish rush of excitement whenever he thought about how he was one of the very few grunt leaders selected to go on the upcoming mission—in fact, there were only two besides him. Even though he hadn’t the slightest idea what kind of ‘preparations’ were going to be made, he felt as if there were doors of possibility waiting for him in the sky, and he had just sprouted wings.
Indeed, doors waiting to be opened stood before him, but they weren’t exactly hovering like clouds in an endless blue heaven. Hokage took off one of his gloves and pressed a gaunt, long-fingered hand onto a black rectangle. The material shone red for a moment, then the light faded and a chrome door slid open, revealing what lay inside.
Rosoku’s eyes widened, taking in the vast expanses of the room—if you would even call it that. The black and grey marble tiled walls and floor reflected the bright, fluorescent crimson lights on the ceiling so far above them. Nearest to them, a small island floated in the middle of a moat of sluggishly bubbling magma. Rosoku could have sworn he saw a flicker of movement beneath the surface before it vanished from sight. On their other side, strange rock formations protruded from and indented the floor. The room’s eerie illumination gave them the hue of dried lava. Upside-down cone-shaped boulders hovered in midair; they were placed infrequently, and Rosoku wasn’t even sure if he could make it across some of the gaps.
“Welcome,” Hokage said, speaking so that his voice rang out throughout the entire room, “To the Elite Training Utilities!”
Rosoku laughed aloud, awed by the Utility’s immensity. “It’s so…so huge!”
“From now on, you will be training here,” Hokage instructed him. “Today we are going to test your abilities before the real training begins. Cross that moat of lava, to start out.”
Rosoku frowned. “That’s all?”
“You will see,” Hokage said quietly, a mysterious smile curling his lips.
Still a little confused, Rosoku took a few hesitant steps forward, and then broke into a run. He waited until he was almost touching the edge of the thick molten liquid, and then flung himself into the air. His hands hit the sand first; however, his momentum continued to move his lower body, so before he knew it he was lying on his back in the torrid sand. He hoisted himself onto his feet, but immediately he felt a clawed hand piercing his shoulder in its iron grip. Slowly, he turned his head around, only to see a hellish-red snouted face, with flames spurting from its head where ears would normally have grown.
Before the demon-like creature could attack, Rosoku focused all of his strength and slugged it zealously between the eyes. The creature let out another agonized yell and plummeted into the crimson depths from whence it came. No sooner had he defeated it, however, than more monstrosities rose from the lava and began to advance. Rosoku desperately derived a crossbow from his belt. As a Magmar lunged at him, baring its teeth like a fiery behemoth, he quickly slung an arrow to his bow, pulled it back, then released it. The magma-born fiend crashed to the ground, the arrowtip sticking out of its neck, glistening red.
Just as Rosoku fixed another arrow to his crossbow, Hokage called out, and the rest of the Magmar slid inaudibly back into the volcanic moat. The blond man jumped lightly onto the miniature isle, a laudatory smile on his face. “Good job,” he said. “Come with me.”
There was a blinding flash of light, and once again the two men stood outside the Utility. “You did very well,” Hokage told Rosoku. “Much better than I expected from you, Rosoku.”
Rosoku grinned incredulously. “Really? I did?!”
Hokage nodded. “Indeed you did. Those were genetically enhanced Magmar, created for training purposes. I did not suspect that you could so much as injure one of them and not retain damage yourself. I even use them to practice before missions.”
“Wow!” A simple exclamation of ecstatic surprise was all Rosoku could bring himself to say.
“You are very easy to please,” Hokage said with a laugh. “Now that I know what you are capable of, you will begin your real training tomorrow. You may return to your quarters.”
Rosoku nodded hastily, then turned and ran back to the main base, not believing his great luck. To think that Hokage, one of the greatest members of Team Magma, was impressed by him! Just thinking about it sent a shudder of excitement up and down his spine.
He looked up at the layers of rock and dirt that separated the Team’s main headquarters from the surface world, imagining that he could see the illimitable blue heavens above him, and wondered what the future would hold.
29th August 2005, 5:59 PM
Wow, still great... why isn't this getting the respect it deserves? Hm. Well, this chapter was better, and this fic is going at a pretty good speed. You know, not too fast, not too slow. Um, that last scene with the "training excercise" was kinda confusing though: Why would they practice... with weapons? I suppose the war could get out of hand, but still...? And Hokage said that he uses genetically altered Magmar... er, Magmaar for practice before every mission. Isn't that a waste of good Magmaar?? >_<;; Eh, don't listen to me. I'm just crazy. (Waste of good Magmaar?? I need some sleep. XD)
30th August 2005, 2:29 AM
Thanks for the compliments! ^__^ Yeah, it's turning out a lot better than the origional, and better still than I ever expected from it. I just didn't know that anyone would think it's this good! O__o; I didn't spend as much time working before I started rewriting it than I should have, but it's coming along pretty well. And I left some things unexplained on purpose, to see if anyone noticed them. xD
And Hokage said that he uses genetically altered Magmar... er, Magmaar for practice before every mission. Isn't that a waste of good Magmaar?? >_<;; Eh, don't listen to me. I'm just crazy. (Waste of good Magmaar?? I need some sleep. XD)Ahh, I thought about that too, when I was writing it down. The Magmar are bred inside...Uh, whazzitsname...Cinnibar Island. Or teh volcano in which Blaine used to live...X__x;; Anyways, if they're injured and not killed, they're able to heal extremely fast while in the lava. And I mean extremely fast. And when Hokage says 'genetically altered', they're altered in a way that not only makes them stronger, it gives them the ability to regenerate limbs. I'm crazier than j00! x3
But seriously, I need sleep too. I only got about five or six hours of sleep last night, and I'm so tired I'm not up to soccer practice. And I'm goalie...*falls asleep*
30th August 2005, 2:54 AM
Gah! I forgot to review the chapter after i read it!
I like how you showed more about team magma's side of the story! I kind of lost interest when you talked about the magmar because i was confused what was happing:p Very good description in the first paragraph and a hreat chapter!
30th August 2005, 3:19 AM
Again, glad you liked it! The Magmar scene may not be that easy to understand, but it's supposed to be abrupt and not as direct as I could have written it. So, yeah. ^__^
If you were interested in a little trivia about Love and Loyalty, you can check it here (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=1974382#post1974382). I personally like giving trivia and small details about my fics.
~Dragon in the Shadows~
31st August 2005, 7:56 AM
genetically altered Magmar, sound totally awsome! I want one!
31st August 2005, 10:33 AM
I'm sorry Faerie!! I should have been here ages ago!! *kicks self*
Anyway, I ADORED the last chapter. FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC. Great description, great character depth. Lovely. Especially liked the description of the Fireheads. Dried bloodstains? Oh dear. O_O
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter of this fic. Don't keep me in suspense!! ^_^
31st August 2005, 5:30 PM
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I've been working on my description, which was sort of inspired by the preview of Symphatic Stilletos. It made me want to make mine as good as I possibly can! *punches the air* xD And yeah, I've been trying to go into the character's minds more too. So, ehh...Yeah.
Uhah, so you noticed the room? It's a reference to a fanfic that I haven't written yet, where that room is going to be used heavily. You'll see what it means when I get the other one up. >:3 Suuu.
1st September 2005, 1:41 AM
Hi new reviewer here, Nice fic, a bit confusing at times but me likes it. looking forward to next chapter, btw, what does SSS mean? O.o totally forgot or I've never seen it b4
1st September 2005, 3:38 AM
SSS reffers to the names of the trio's members. Shizuku's name starts with 'S', so that's easy. Ushio also contains the letter S. Izumi is a little tricky, though: In Japanese, the character 'su' is read as 'zu' when it's dotted. Here, I'll explain more thuroughly:
http://www.kanjisite.com/images/tabular/k/ksu.gifThis character is 'su'. When dots appear on the top right corner...
http://www.kanjisite.com/images/tabular/k/kzu.gif...Like this, it becomes 'zu'.
Hope that made it easier to understand. ^__^
10th September 2005, 6:32 AM
ok, um, i was told to come here, so...yeah, good story!should be on my site in 5 minutes
10th September 2005, 5:19 PM
I have some news for you guys, but I can't gurantee that it's very good. Since school is started for me, and I'm in 5th grade, I won't have much time to write, due to the fact that the bus gets me home at 4:15 PM and I already have a big project to work on. Not to mention soccer. X__x So, I probably won't get Chapter V up until sometime next week. I know this is going to be a dissappointment to some of you, but I really can't do anything about it. Just keep in mind, though, that I haven't given up on this story and I will keep writing no matter what! >__<
10th September 2005, 8:05 PM
Thats ok! It's even harder for me since i'm in grade 7-_-;; Anyway just dont rush yourself!
11th September 2005, 2:52 AM
meh, oh well
11th September 2005, 6:53 PM
Yeah. I still will be able to write, and Chapter 5 should be up in a week, give or take a few days. I feel bad for making you guys wait so long, but I can't post what I haven't written. ^__^;;
17th September 2005, 5:41 AM
I know how much longer it will take, i see you on the bus
17th September 2005, 6:13 AM
5th grade??? You have no idea how lucky you are.
*points at myself*
Freshman in Poway High.
Sucks for me, I hardly have anymore time except Fri. sat. and sun.
So cherish the time while you can!
18th September 2005, 12:20 AM
xD Again, thanks. I'll try to get as much writing done as I can! I'm sick today, so I have a lot of free time. Don't worry though, it's just a cold. Nothing serious. ^__^
18th September 2005, 12:32 AM
GET BETTER SOON! I hope that you update soon too. I also have freetime that I'm not using. Just dont rush yourself EDIT: Your in 5th grade! Man your to lucky. once you get in grade 7 everything is hard! You'll have no time to work!
;197;- Lone Wolf
18th September 2005, 4:25 AM
Yeah. In fifth grade, you have more homework than you're used to at that point, but sometimes it's just stuff like writing advertisements and skits. xD
19th September 2005, 3:43 AM
tell me about it...
24th September 2005, 4:01 AM
Sorry guys, but Chapter V won't be up for at least a week. I'm not done with it and it's already quite long (10 pages O__o) and when I'm finished it'll take me years to type up, so don't expect it too soon. Don't worry though, all this work will pay off in the end. ^__^
24th September 2005, 4:02 AM
Glad to hear things are progressing nicely ^_^ Hope you don't get too much trouble with it.
25th September 2005, 11:02 PM
EULALIAAAAA!! Everybody cheer!
Chapter V is finally finished! I'm going to be typing it up over the next few days, so expect it by this coming Sunday. It's probably not going to be up much sooner than that, though, because it is the longest one so far, totalling up to be ten and a half pages long.
26th September 2005, 1:41 AM
I'm going to be typing it up over the next few days, so expect it by this coming Sunday.
Congrats! *Hands orange of completion over* At least you haven't any more writing to worry about for the next couple of days :) As always, I'll be waiting.
26th September 2005, 11:36 AM
Originally posted by Faerie
O_o Faerie are you a Brian Jacques Fan?
Gud news bout the chappie!
26th September 2005, 4:17 PM
O_o Faerie are you a Brian Jacques Fan?
Yup! How'd you guess? xD
27th September 2005, 10:49 AM
ARGH!! ANOTHER BJ FAN!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
..Awaiting the next chapter...XD
29th September 2005, 12:44 AM
Um, that last scene with the "training excercise" was kinda confusing though: Why would they practice... with weapons? I suppose the war could get out of hand, but still...?Hmm. Well, that's the difference between the Team Magma and Aqua in the video games, manga and anime and the teams I write about. They're willing to do anything they can to do to accomplish their goal, even if it means having to spill blood. There's not going to be many Pokemon battles in this fanfic. *shifty eyes*
No, I'm not a Cosfortingham. *runs off*
29th September 2005, 4:05 AM
Hmm. Well, that's the difference between the Team Magma and Aqua in the video games, manga and anime and the teams I write about. They're willing to do anything they can to do to accomplish their goal, even if it means having to spill blood. There's not going to be many Pokemon battles in this fanfic. *shifty eyes*
No, I'm not a Cosfortingham. *runs off*Ah, okay. Hurrah for referencing a quote literally from a month ago! Whoo! XD That seems to be a good explanation- but not many Pokemon battles? Hm. I guess that would qualify to be a new addition to my list of Differentiating Elements in Fics: Usually the style of battling is determined by the theme of the fic- either by mainly using traditional battles or by the utilization of modern weapons; the former for a lighter atmosphere and the latter for a slightly darker one. I've seen both be sucessful, so don't worry too much about possible use of cliches... it'll be fine. ^_^ Good luck with the next chapter!
29th September 2005, 5:17 AM
Thanks for the advice, Quackerdrill. There will be one Pokemon battle in the next chapter, but that's not the main focus of the chapter. I'm not telling you what the main focus is, though: that would give away too much. >:3 It'll most likley be the last Pokemon battle you'll see, too...*cackles evilly*
Ugh. One month later, and I find a typo in the first chapter...X__x;;
30th September 2005, 4:03 AM
Weet! I haven't been around here to post for a while... Well, not like I have much time anymore. Writing has basically become a side thing for me now, in spare time instead of just getting on and typing away... Oh well, I'll always be around to check on this story every now and then.
2nd October 2005, 7:45 PM
ugh, some punk deleted your story from the site...
3rd October 2005, 2:47 AM
ugh, some punk deleted your story from the site...:x Sorry to her that. I hope you can get it back up soon or find out who deleted it.
5th October 2005, 1:46 AM
8th October 2005, 4:53 AM
PROGRESS UPDATE: ...Six...And a half...More pages...*faints*
Don't worry, I'll live. Hopefully. ;__;
13th October 2005, 6:01 AM
I'm so sorry I made all you guys wait so long, but I finally finished typing up the fifth chapter! I hope you guys like it. It has more violence than the previous chapter(s), but I think it's my best so far.
Love and Loyalty
Chapter V: Twin Blades (PG-13)
Rosoku continued his arduous training throughout the next few weeks, finding that he was required to confront mind-over-matter situations as well as trials of physical strength. At the end of nearly twenty days of nonstop drills, Rosoku was completely exhausted; Hokage, of course, pushed him to go on.
“You must continue your training,” Hokage said, sounding more forceful than urging. “Very important missions are coming up, and we need your combat skills.”
Rosoku nodded, sighing ruefully. He knew that there was no point in arguing, even if he could. Hokage was one of the Fireheads, meaning that his word was law. There would be no objections, and Rosoku was obliged to do what he was told.
“However,” Hokage continued unexpectedly, “Training today will be different than what you have been working on so far. We—Kagari, Homura, the Leader and I—have noticed some hidden talents in you that would make you a valuable member of the team. If you are interested, sign this form.”
Wordlessly, Rosoku took the piece of paper from Hokage. Upon reading the words at the top of the page, his eyes widened with excitement:
PROMOTION ACCEPTANCE CONTRACT
Rosoku could still remember colorfully the first time he had these three words presented to him. It was five hears ago that, after three years of toiling as a grunt, he had finally climbed to the rank of a grunt leader. He had then toiled for fourteen more seasons to achieve what he now had: the position of an admin of Team Magma. Fervently, he uncapped a pen and wrote his signature at the bottom of the page. Hokage then took the contract, scanning the page over.
“Have you read the whole thing?” he asked, looking over the paper at Rosoku.
Rosoku nodded, his face a picture of solemnity. “Yes, and I will follow it to the word.”
“Good,” Hokage said, standing up. “I will be back with your new uniform.”
That’s right, Rosoku thought. The uniform admins wore had a short cape with an unevenly cut end. But Rosoku didn’t care much about that: he was really enthralled by the Memory Fire Lighter he would obtain shortly. Memory Fire Lighters could store events that the wearer witnessed; if you looked into the flame it produced, you would regain the memory, and if you held it beneath a sheet of blank paper, an image of that event will appear. So, if you forgot something or lost your memory altogether, you could use it, and you always had solid proof of an event or image. It really was an expedient item.
Soon, Hokage returned to the room. “Here is your uniform. Put it on and we will begin your training. However, as I said earlier, your training will not be what you are used to. Make sure that you are prepared for anything.”
Hokage was not lying—in fact, not only was that day’s training “different” than the previous weeks’, but Rosoku was forced to exert himself as if his life depended on it just to complete a task. His first task was to defeat the Magmar like he had last time.
“There is a twist—I will not hold them back this time,” Hokage instructed. “It is up to you to defeat them on your own, no matter how many attack you at once. You are limited to a maximum of ten arrows.”
His teeth clenched in concentration, Rosoku ran towards the thick crimson moat where the demonic Magmar awaited him. Once you were an admin, the world was a game of kill-or-be-killed where you had to be prepared for anything that could be thrown at you. Rosoku felt as if he had just woken up from a dream, and was now to face the cold, harsh reality that childhood had ended long ago.
There’s no turning back.
* * *
Hours later, Rosoku stood outside of the Elite Training Utilities, his chest heaving. Cold sweat and blood trickled down his lurid face as he leaned back against the metallic wall, allowing his eyes to close defeatedly. Hokage looked down at him and smiled a look in his eyes as if he was reminded of his own past.
“Once again, I congratulate your efforts,” Hokage said. “Your endurance is impressive for one of your rank.”
Rosoku didn’t reply; instead, he wiped his damp forehead and uttered a quavering sigh. It was all he could muster, for he had taken an enormous amount of damage considering the time period he had fought within. If this was his training, he’d hate to see what the missions were like as an admin—of course, he’d have to either way.
The blond man surveyed Rosoku’s mangled, half-conscious form, cocking an eyebrow at his impairments. He drew a long sheet of cloth from his pocket and, lowering Rosoku’s hood, wrapped it around his brow. Ignoring the blood seeping into his glove from it, Hokage grasped Rosoku’s arm and raised him onto his feet. As he turned around, Hokage said in a low tone, “Come. We are done.”
Rosoku followed, glad to finally get some time to recover, yet something still puzzled him. What was that look he had seen in Hokage’s eye when he had looked at him? Had he been thought the same thing? Could it have been that the controlled, powerful man he saw in front of him been through this same suffering, so weak that he was, albeit temporarily, unable to fend for himself? He tried, but could not picture Hokage in such helplessness. Sighing again, he looked down at his hands and arms. They were covered in gashes and injuries, and when he tried to move his left arm brought a sharp pain shooting from his elbow up. His life had been taking a roller-coaster crash course up and downhill ever since…
Rosoku’s eyes snapped wide open as the thought struck him. The Ho-oh Festival! He hadn’t thought about that for weeks. It had completely slipped his mind in the chaotic franchise of training and the Abandoned Ship mission. The memory of Umi, for some reason, gave him a sense of solace; the eye of a raging storm.
As the two of them returned to the main area of the hideout, Rosoku remembered the person he had seen on the Abandoned Ship. He was tired, and it had been almost a month since then, but the girl had looked a lot like Umi. She’s had the same hair and eyes, and her face looked similar also. Rosoku held a shuddering hand to his face as he realized the frightening possibility: could Umi be a member of Team Aqua?
Now back at his desk, he slumped exhaustedly into his chair, ignoring the astonished whispers of several younger members at the sight of him. No, it couldn’t be true! But, even as hard as it was to accept, he knew it had to be. He couldn’t lie to himself—it would only make things worse. He had even heard a voice that sounded exactly like Umi’s when he had left to report the members of Team Aqua to Kagari. There was no escaping it: Umi was in Team Aqua, which meant that he could never…
Rosoku stopped himself from completing the thought. He was wrong; there was still hope. Nothing was impossible if he tried, and that’s exactly what he would do.
He wasn’t about to give up just yet.
* * *
A harsh wind whipped at three lone figures as they trudged through the desert. Pieces of sand were picked up in the gale, making it hard for the travelers to keep their eyes open.
Izumi, the only woman out of the three, shielded her eyes from the sandstorm as she shouted, “I can’t believe it took this long just to find the location of the Final Resting Place.”
“To tell you the truth, I’m not really surprised. The Echo Crossroads are huge, and the Resting Place is guarded by the spirits of all eleven Legends,” a tall, slender man called over the raging wind.
A male named Ushio joined the conversation. “Shizuku has a point. Besides, our base is on the southwest border and Team Magma’s is on the east. The only way for mapmakers to enter is from the north or south, and that’s where the sandstorms are at their peak of brutality.”
Izumi nodded. “Yes, but what’s really gnawing at my temper is the fact that our taking so long gave Team Magma time to figure out what we’re up to, find a way to track us and prepare. Sure, we don’t have any proof of that, but knowing them it’s possible and, unfortunately, very likely.”
“Shizuku, you’ve been training harder than usual the past week. Any specific reason?” Ushio asked. It was clear he wanted to leave the topic of their situation.
Shizuku laughed dryly, a laugh completely free of humor or amusement. “Of course there is. You think I’d let the Fireheads get away with what they did to me? I’ll teach them to mess with me.”
“I see,” Izumi said, smiling at Shizuku’s inexorable attitude. “So now defeating them is more personal than before?”
Either Shizuku could not hear over the raging sandstorm or felt no need to reply, for he wordlessly drew a long curved sword and tested the edge with his fingertip. A blade as cold as its master’s heart, the scimitar seemed to be encased in a layer of ice that somehow never cracked or melted. Shizuku twirled the frozen scimitar in his fingers expertly, his eyes fixed on the glinting blade. Izumi couldn’t help but be drawn to his fearless determination.
“I think I see it up ahead,” Ushio shouted, pointing at a rock formation in the distance.
Sheathing the icy sword, Shizuku shielded his eyes and followed Ushio’s indication. “So do I. Those rocks are aligned in a pattern that looks like the Final Resting Place. Either that, or our eyes are deceiving us.”
“I see it, too,” Izumi called. “All three of us seeing the exact same mirage? Not likely; it has to be our destination.”
Naturally, Izumi was correct. After about fifteen minutes of wordlessly fighting the sandstorm, the trio reached the Final Resting Place. An altar with eleven circular indentations stood in the middle of a ring of eleven stone tomb-shaped rocks. Each of the small caverns had a marking above the entryway and hieroglyphic-like carvings on the back outside wall. The storm swirled around them but did not enter the sacred zone, giving them the feeling of being in the calm of a hurricane.
Shizuku pulled a slender metal object from his pocket and observed it, careful not to miss any details. The scanner had a sleek, gray surface that reflected the sunlight blindingly. On one end, a rhombus-like shape protruded from the handle; it had a screen on the top which showed a black and green grid. Several buttons were placed below the screen; they were all different shapes, but none were labeled. Izumi and Ushio followed Shizuku as he approached one of the tombs. He lifted the Scanner’s sensor to face the writing inscribed in the ancient stone and pressed a few of the buttons. A red light emanated from it, gliding up and down the wall. After a few moments of silence, Shizuku let out a cry of shock, causing the two other admins to start.
“That can’t be right! What the—why won’t it…”
Izumi tentatively took a step towards Shizuku, asking, “What happened? The scanner is working, isn’t it?”
Shizuku didn’t turn to face Izumi; he gripped the scanner so violently, his knuckles began to turn white. “Oh, it’s working, we don’t have to worry about that. The Scanner just can’t translate the language the inscriptions are written in.
“What?” Ushio stared at Shizuku unbelievingly. “So you’re saying we came here for nothing?!”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case,” Shizuku said, seething inwardly as he shook his head.
Izumi took another step forward, removing her pale blue gloves, and lifted her hand to the ancient runes. “Wait…These look familiar. I studied something like this when I was very small. I might be able to decipher some of it; not all of it, but it might be enough…”
Shizuku’s eyes darted to and fro restlessly, looking for something out of place. “Do it quickly,” he said. “I can feel it; something’s not right here.”
Izumi nodded; it seemed the moment she turned back to the tomb, there was the shout and the sound of metal striking metal behind her. She whirled around to see Shizuku holding his scimitar before him, using it to parry that of a red-and-black clothed figure.
The man smiled malevolently at Shizuku, the flames that engulfed his blade exaggerating a blood-colored tone in his eyes. “So, have you still not given up?”
Izumi didn’t hesitate to react, or to watch the swordplay before her. She threw a Pokéball into the air, not waiting for the rhombus-winged dragon to fully solidify before she ran towards it. As she mounted the green Pokémon known as the ‘Spirit of the Desert’, she pulled a Pokénav from her belt and shouted a few words into its receiver. As much as she resented the mere idea of having to call for backup, they were outnumbered two to one: the sky above the Final Resting Place was dotted with members of Team Magma, most of them riding the fire-spitting red lizards known as Charizards. Assuring herself that Shizuku could handle Hokage on his own (for Ushio had busied himself with several admins), Izumi barked a command to the Flygon, which veered upwards at a steep vertical angle.
On instructions from the other two Fireheads, several admins darted forward towards the ascending woman. Rosoku was the first to advance. He instructed his Charizard to attack; the crimson winged lizard opened its mouth as glowing embers of energy gathered in front of it. Suddenly a pillar of flames erupted from the aura, spiraling around itself at it shot towards its target.
“Hyper Beam, at the rider!” Izumi shouted. The Flygon released a shining beam of light from its mouth. There was a blinding flash as the attack collided with the Flamethrower; most of the flames were swallowed by the Hyper Beam, which released a few rays of discharge that knocked some of the riders off of their Charizards. Rosoku gritted his teeth, determined to carry on the fight no matter what, and ordered the Charizard to continue the attack. It opened its mouth wider, and the flames shot forth with a renewed intensity.
Izumi wouldn’t be taken down that easily, though. The Flygon swerved expertly to the side and streaked downwards towards Rosoku at a breakneck speed. Immediately the Charizard ended its Flamethrower assault, and this time shot a spiraling blast of flames towards the Flygon and its rider. Again, Izumi commanded the Flygon to shoot forth a beam of energy, but it was too late to deflect the attack. The Flygon screeched in pain as the flames engulfed it, simultaneous to the Charizard’s roar as it was hit by the Flygon’s attack. Unable to keep themselves in the air, the dragon and the lizard plummeted towards the ground, helpless to break the fall of their owners.
Rosoku gasped aloud as he struck the grounds. Pain surged through him like an electrical shock, paralyzing him for a few seconds before he was able to, albeit shakily, raise himself to his feet. Several feet away from him, Izumi stood beside her Flygon. She looks like she can carry on fighting to no end, Rosoku thought bitterly. My Charizard’s knocked out, and after that fall, I’m not in any condition to stand a chance against her…
“Good; you’ve worn her down. I’ll take it from here.”
Rosoku looked up at the woman standing beside him. Kagari had her eyes fixed on Izumi, but it couldn’t have been clearer who she was speaking to. “More members of Team Aqua will be arriving shortly; from what I hear, armed to the teeth. Tell the other admins that on my orders be ready to fight when they get here. Homura will fight also.”
Nodding swiftly but carefully enough not to seem curt, Rosoku turned and ran towards the other admins, secretly glad he didn’t have to carry through with the battle. After all, trying to defeat Izumi on his own, with or without a Pokemon to fight with (although the Pokemon would become nearly obsolete in the end, he was sure of it), was like getting Bannai to stop pestering Hokage: not impossible, but highly difficult to accomplish. He laughed softly to himself at the though; it was the last time he would be able to laugh in a long time, so he savored the opportunity.
Shortly thereafter, he reached the place where all the other admins were. Before he could relay Kagari’s instructions, though, he caught sight of something in the corner of his eye. He turned around and saw that Shizuku had somehow broken through Hokage’s defenses and slashed deep into his left shoulder. Rosoku began to turn back around, knowing that Hokage could easily return the blow, but stopped when he saw it.
For a split second, as Hokage was thrust backwards with the momentum of the attack, Rosoku caught a glimpse of his left eye. Normally concealed behind a section of long blond hair, it was closed tightly. Three deep, long-healed scars ran down horizontally over the eye.
Rosoku stood completely still. Hokage had been blind in his left eye the whole time? But how was that possible? He was one of the most powerful members of Team Magma, and he was on the receiving end of utmost respect and admiration from grunts, grunt leaders and even most admins alike. If he only had vision in one of his eyes, how was he able to do it all?
Suddenly remembering what he was supposed to be doing and, shaking off the still incomprehensible thought, Rosoku turned to convey Kagari’s message to the other admins. It was a good thing that he’d remembered, too, for not long after the admins had prepared themselves for battle when the supporting ranks of Team Aqua arrived at the Final Resting Place.
Almost instantaneously, the two Teams’ forces hurtled themselves at each other. Arrows whizzed through the air on beeline paths, accompanied by the clang of metal against metal and even gunfire echoed through the vast desert. Rosoku, completely engrossed in the heat of the battle, charged like a frenzied beast into the opposing ranks, firing arrows every which way. For sure, the war was on.
Umi flung herself to the side just in time to dodge an arrow, which whizzed past her and lodged itself firmly in the forehead of another fighter behind her. Clenching her teeth resolutely, she drew a throwing dagger from her belt, fingering the hilt deftly. The blade was made from a clean, bluish-silver metal, with the Team’s insignia carved into its flat. The hilt was fashioned from a sturdy leather-like black material. Umi inhaled, and then threw the dagger into the opposing ranks. Hearing a stifled shout, she chuckled softly and drew another knife. “Come and get me,” she whispered; fro the first time in a long time, she was in her element.
In the midst of all this, however, something was out of order. Kagari, whose battle with Izumi had been somewhat interrupted by the arrival of Team Aqua’s secondary forces, pulled Homura aside from the battle.
“Something’s not right here,” she told him in a low, quiet tone. “I’ve been feeling it since the battle started, but it’s getting stronger now.”
Homura frowned. “Do you have any idea what it is?”
“No, but I don’t want to stay and find out. Our only choice may be to leave the fight.”
At that time, they might not have known it, but the choice Kagari made was a wise one indeed.
15th October 2005, 1:20 AM
I'm finally doing this :).
Rosoku looked around him. He couldn't help but marvel at the overwhelming goings-on around him.
You end both sentences with 'around him'... be careful to not repeat words and phrases.
'This' should not be capatalized.
The celebration for the legendary Pokemoh Ho-oh, who had (according to legend, of course) reincarnated three Pokemon killed in a fire into Suicune, Raikou and Entei.
Even though it doesn't seem it, this is a sentence fragment. Reword.
Alright, at this point I'm four paragraphs in. You definitely need some details, especially since this event isn't canon. He went toward an empty table... but you never mention that there were tables.
The pace is also a tad fast for my liking. You try to introduce Rosoku, but I didn't really connect with it. Maybe a little more introspection, like what he thought about everything? He's there, and suddenly he meets a woman.
She just randomly asks him out? I don't know... it still feels a little fast for me. She... eh.
his hands akimbo.
Well, I can tell you right now what happens... I'm not sure that's a good thing.
This felt very fast to me. Not rushed-- your grammar was good, and I didn't pick up any blatant spelling errors-- just fast. Like suddenly, here's Rosoku, he's on team magma BTW, and he likes this girl he randomly meets, and she's on team aqua!
This chapter was also short, so I can't say too much about meh, but... I don't know, it feels like a skelton to me. Flesh it out?
Nonetheless, when I get through my other reviews, I'll come back adn do chapter two. You get the seal of "You-know-what-you're-doing''.
15th October 2005, 1:23 AM
Yay! ^__^ I'm glad you like it. Yeah, the first chapter could use a bit of working on, but the rest are, in my opinion, much better. Just a question: have you read the rest of the chapters? :/
You end both sentences with 'around him'... be careful to not repeat words and phrases.Geh. The one thing I try not to do the most ends up right there...X__x
EDIT: Never mind the 'rest of the chapters' thing. I guess I didn't notice the last line. xD
17th October 2005, 2:37 AM
I would have told my feedback to you in person, Faerie, but I didn't want to wait to schedule playdate.
I'm not really good at advice but this is a bit that I have:
“You must continue your training,” Hokage said
“Have you read the whole thing?” he asked
“Good,” Hokage said
That’s right, Rosoku thought.
“Once again, I congratulate your efforts,” Hokage said.
Hokage said in a low tone
and when he tried
if that was the case,” Shizuku said
“Hyper Beam, at the rider!” Izumi shouted.
Try to avoid using actions that have been over used.
There was a blinding flash as the attack collided with the Flamethrower; most of the flames were swallowed by the Hyper Beam, which released a few rays of discharge that knocked some of the riders off of their Charizards.
Umi flung herself to the side just in time to dodge an arrow, which whizzed past her and lodged itself firmly in the forehead of another fighter behind her. Clenching her teeth resolutely, she drew a throwing dagger from her belt, fingering the hilt deftly.
These are run on sentences.
Had he been thought the same thin?
Just a misspelling.
17th October 2005, 2:42 AM
Yay! Hello Bawooga. *hugs* Nice to see you on the forums. ^__^
Thanks for the feedback! Yeah, sometimes it's hard to avoid repeating things, expecially when what you're writing is fairly long. X__x I'm sure you understand.
...GAH! Misspelling! *fixes*
EDIT: Woo! 3 pages and over 2k views! xD
19th October 2005, 2:40 AM
I finished the next part in the story. It's not the next chapter, but it is part of the story, so I've entitled it 'Interlude'. :3
Love and Loyalty
Interlude: Prophecy (PG)
When one is all alone,
Can no one know their pain?
A bell tolls in the silence
When the darkness falls again.
So gather ‘round, my children
And listen to this lore;
Stories of what is to come
To remember evermore.
Many years ago—
I’m sure you know this tale—
The legends woke from dormancy
To let chaos prevail.
They were put back to sleep,
The world was thought at peace,
But history repeats itself
And serenity will cease.
Two opposing forces,
Born of fire and sea,
A part of these are forced apart
By love and loyalty.
Yet this is not so simple,
For something will go wrong
The titans will awaken, then
And death will be their song.
But our two young heroes,
What will be their fate?
Alas, this I do not know
So all of us must wait.
Wait, until the time
Will come for you to see
My kin, I will be gone by then
But heed my words to thee.
What kind of things will happen,
What stories will unfold?
I know, someday, that you will see
What the future will hold.
20th October 2005, 5:28 AM
It seems I'm going on a reading spree for the past two weeks. And I just thought you'd like to know before you go any further, your banner, which i assume you wanted to link to this story, links to another one of your stories: Untamed Serenity. (I WILL review that one later.)
Anyway, very nice beginning of the story, I'm currently two chapters in. I'm interested on the relationship how it will develop between them being on different teams - one of the reasons I was attracted to the story. However, the description is nice, and the characters are realistic, so that is definitely another plus.
Umi - I could've guessed from the start she was in Team Aqua... since Umi means sea in Japanese, right? Or some other language. Does Rosoku mean something as well?
When I read the second chapter, I liked how you spun some of the game boy/anime events into it, through, truthfully, I don't watch the show all that much, but it was a nice touch. And Shizuku is a character I actually like at the moment, with his stern, crisp personality - definitely Higher-up material. And the banter that went on between the two Magma personnel who I assume, put Shizuku in a "one day" coma, seemed very realistic, considering the amount of corruption that goes on from day to day.
I'll continue to review this as I read on. Nice job.
20th October 2005, 4:23 PM
I'm glad you liked it! I've been working hard on this fanfic, and it's clearly paying off. ^__^ All of the Trio-peoples are from the Pokemon Special manga, but I wanted each of them to have more of a standout personality, so I did that. Rosoku and Umi are, of course, origional characters. xD
Does Rosoku mean something as well?Rosoku means Candle in Japanese.
who I assume, put Shizuku in a "one day" comaYurr? It was supposed to seem more like a week. O__o
20th October 2005, 9:04 PM
XD... Yeah, what I meant by that statement was, that I thought it was going to be a one day coma.. if Umi somehow or other figures out how to reverse the comatic state (if she even dares)... But yeah.. confusing sentence of mine. Sorry.
21st October 2005, 3:22 AM
Yeah, everyone gets confused once in a while. Although sometimes there are days when I'm almost constantly mixed up and tounge-tied. xD
26th October 2005, 11:21 PM
Im only doing this once
She threw a Pokéball into the air, not waiting for the rhombus-winged dragon to fully solidify before she ran towards it.
I think Rhombus is a dumb word!
27th October 2005, 6:15 AM
Well, I like it. And Flygons' wings are shaped like rhombuses anyways. :x
28th October 2005, 12:02 AM
Yes, I review rather sporadically. Anyway, I'm here for a review of Chapter 3.
Umi's point of view again. I thought it'd be opposite, since you started out switching point of views. Of course, it's of little consequence.
The scene aboard the ship didn't go like I was expecting it to, as I believed it would be going along with what happened in the game. However, I'm glad to see my ideas weren't followed.
(Out of curiosity, was the girl that appeared on the ship somehow or other based on your character in the games, by chance? Or was it just a character not really based on anyone. If not, will this girl be appearing again? I rather liked that Grovyle's loyalty.)
The rest of the chapter went by smoothly, and the relationship between Umi and her brother is developing a little bit more, which I'm glad to see. I'm a fan of brother/sister relationships as a whole, for some odd reason.
Now, I spotted a few mistakes I feel obligated to point out:
but if you see one or more of the Fireheads, retreat and imform me immediatley."
Isn't it inform ?
"We're continuing the origional mission. Follow me."
team's most skilled admins with him--besides Ushio and Izumi--along with him.
You needlessly repeat yourself there. You already said he brought the team's most skilled admins with him, then, after the dashes, you put 'along with him', which you have already stated.
if the Fireheads were able to slay all the admins and severely Shizuku withought taking much of a beating themselves would mean that the power of Team Magma
And severely Shizuku? Severely what? I'm guessing you meant to put something after it, like: "severely decimated the ranks" or something.
Overall, nice job. Once I finish your current chapters, do you think you could bother to PM me when a new chapter is posted? If not, I'll just keep my eye out.
28th October 2005, 3:40 AM
Thanks for the review! ^__^ Yeah, I only typed chapters IV, V, and the Interlude in MS Word, so I didn't have spell-check. I fixed the errors now.
Yes, the girl was based on the character you play as in RS. I just wanted to put her in because I thought it would be fun. And there had to be some way for them to get the key without the Dive thing, I think. >3
I'll PM you when I get something new up. I don't think it'll be up until sometime at the end of next month, since typing it up takes a long time (X__x). So...Yeah.
28th October 2005, 10:45 PM
I finally got around to reading this...
It is very good so far! I really enjoyed the battle scene, and the story has a good plot. My only problems with it are that it seems to go a little fast. Although I am enjoying reading it, the story seems to zoom along. Also, I noticed a few spelling mistakes and typos. But thats only to be expected.
Apart from that, pretty good! I liked the last chapter and I think rhombus is a good way to describe the flygons wings. I liked the way you're setting out your paragraphs, spread out. I might try thatwith my story, for blocks of text tends to put of readers, I believe.
*thumbs up* :)
4th November 2005, 2:58 AM
Thanks for the comments! Yeah, it'll still be a few more chapters, about three or four, until the big climax-end-thingy. Don't think I'll tell you anything about it though! >3
Sorry about the absence. I was gone at camp for a few days and I didn't have a chance to write or anything. I'll work on LaL over tomorrow and the weekend, and if I don't accomplish much then, I'll do an extra lot of work over the week if I have time. >__> I hear my teacher is giving us another Roman project tomorrow.
5th November 2005, 3:01 AM
You could have done it during solo time>_<
The fifth one is way better then the others
And it wouldnt hurt to put in one joke
6th November 2005, 7:47 PM
I didn't bring my writing notebook tae th' camp. xP
YES IT WOULD FRICKIN' HURT to put in a joke. X__x; That's not what the story's about.
6th November 2005, 8:38 PM
Oh, and you got an A++++++++++++ or A to the 13th power on your gothic story
6th November 2005, 8:48 PM
*stares at you for a very long time* ...Are you exxagerating?
15th November 2005, 4:46 AM
Guilty, guilty, guilty... *walks into thread with face o' shame* Quacka be guilty over his long away time from reviews, but will try making it up to you with a concise look at Ch. 5 and that, um, interlude thingy. Yeeeaah.
Let's start at the very beginning ('cause that's a very good place to start, ya know XP): That Memory Fire Lighter is pretty CRAZY-AWESOME. And probably really helpful, too... so very forgetful. ^^ The transition in Rosoku's character as he faces the reality is a great way to make him believable and to add conflict; though such a coming-of-age thingy maybe would have worked more effectively closer to the climax. But who knows. Anyways, I really like your use of the explanation of his pains after the fighting- as it both represents honor and dedication, yet may also hint that his practice is taking away from his happiness. Great, even if I am reading into it too much. XD
This was a really great line, right here:
The memory of Umi, for some reason, gave him a sense of solace; the eye of a raging storm.I felt exactly what you meant through this, wonderful job. I was really pleased to see that the mysterious ruins in the desert area in Hoenn (Route 111... how the heck do I know that? XD) are being worked into here... and as this Final Resting Place... very interesting. I always hated that the game never gives a real reason for it being there.
The whole battle sequence was awesome, and I for one love the description of a Flygon's wings being rhombuses. I never thought about that before... you are so right! ^_^ I guess the only thing left to say on this chap. was the excellent foreshadowing at the end there, although it wasn't exactly subtle. >_<; But who cares. Great chapter, nonetheless.
Now, for this interlude thingy: This is great- this would have worked perfectly at the beginning as a sort of addition to the prologue, IMO. Great rythym and theme, but the first person narrative sort of bugged me and made it feel slightly... I dunno, something. But it is very Shakespearean and compliments the whole Romeo and Juliet parallel pretty well with its style.
In other words, you're still doing a wonderful job. I would hate to see this get lost in the shuffle, most definitely. (And hopefully next time I won't take like a month to get here. XD)
15th November 2005, 6:13 AM
OMG! Hi Quacky! *hugs* xD I HAVE HAD A COLD FOR ALMOST NINE DAYS NOW. 8DDD
*cough* Erm...Well, nice to see you around. It's been a while since you've been here...Not like I'm blaming you or anything. *shifty eyes* I guess I'll just respond to some of ze stuff you wrote 'cause I've got nothin' better to do. ^__^
Hyes, aren't the Memory Fire Lighters tew-tally awesome? I got them from the Pokemon Special manga. Ze Fireheads have them in the manga, so I thought the admins should too. Although Matsubusa dosen't have one 'cause of his uniform...Unless it's his HAIR. xDDD *is crazy*
DING DING DIIING! We have a winneeeer! Yesh, you got exactly what I was trying to bring out in Rosoku in that chapter. I guess I sorta got it in there how I wanted it, but it's still nice to have readers that understand the intentions of the author. It happens a lot in the real world, but SOME of my readers *coughPikamariocough* don't. >__>
Sorry, but looks you haven't gotten the prize for guessing the desert location place. ;__; O'course, only two other people know about that location besides me, daddio301 and Whisper (those are their SPP usernames, of course). It's called the Echo Crossroads, and it's not in Hoenn. It's a crossroads that links all of the reigons, hence the name, and most of it's a desert except for a mountain range or two and the Tentacrool Bay. Team Magma's base is in the east beneath a volcano, and Team Aqua's is in the Tentacool Bay. Underwater. O__o; Yesh, you'll be hearing a lot more about the Echo Crossroads in my upcoming fic, Reality's Crossroads. *is blown backwards by cheers* O______O;; I'll tell you something else too...There's a place near the Final Resting Place called the Rest House, and it's a shelter for weary travelers. Daigo (Steven), Adan (Juan), and Mikuri (Wallace) live there. xD
Yay. RHOMBUSES. 8D
Erm..The interlude thing seemed Shakesperian to you? Interesting...That wasn't exactly my intention, but I suppose you're right. The first-person view thingy might be taken different ways, I guess, but 'twas just a random impulse to write it that way. My mom says it's reflective of other poetry I've read, and I guess she's right.
Hoorah, hoorah! I'm doing pretty well as far as Chapter VI. I've already written three and a half pages, and I hope to get it finished soon. ^__^ UMI-NESS.
21st November 2005, 1:19 AM
OMG,this is sooo good!!is totally differrent from what i expected,but is cool anyway...and-and...REAL BATTLES!! no more pkmn battles,but between humans(sorry,but the anime is getting annoying ¬¬)
22nd November 2005, 4:28 PM
Thanks! Glad you like the story. Yeah, I agree, the anime was too kid-oriented. The villians weren't even evil. >__<
And, good news! I've finished writing Chapter VI, which I've entitled Song of a Bloodstained Mirror. Don't ask about the title. I'll start typing it up this afternoon, so expect it up sometime soon! ^__^
21st December 2005, 4:48 AM
Well, it's almost been a month since the last post here, so I just barely dodged getting in trouble for posting this chapter. *sighs* Sorry for making you all wait so long; I'm so sorry. I cut out about a half of a page so I could get it on here in time...Well, here it is!
Love and Loyalty
Chapter VI: Song of a Bloodstained Mirror (PG-10)
“So what was that about?”
Once again, the three Fireheads stood in the dark room. The rusty chains still hung from the stone wall, and the floor was still dotted with gruesome stains. The shadows of flames no longer danced along the walls, but the air was tepid and stuffy, like all the other rooms in Team Magma’s base.
Kagari raised her head to look at the speaker, her dark eyes shrouded with mist. “Are you addressing me?”
“Yes, I’m addressing you,” Homura said sharply. “Why did you want us to retread back there? We could’ve won the fight!”
“Maybe so. But we picked the wrong area for a battle,” replied Kagari, staring Homura straight in the eye.
Homura snorted. “Well, it was where Team Aqua was. We didn’t pick the battlefield, y’know.”
“We may have angered the Legendaries, Homura. If that’s the case, when Kyogre and Groudon are awakened, they will be uncontrollable. Even with the orbs, we may—”
Kagari was cut off abruptly. “Why do we care if the Legendaries are angry? They’re Pokémon, for God’s sake!” cried Homura.
“Yes, they’re Pokémon. But they’re so powerful…” Kagari trailed off, then reworded her sentence. “Why else would the Leader and Aogiri be trying so hard to obtain the Orbs?”
“I don’t know why we’re after them in the first place,” muttered Homura. Then he whirled on Hokage, who had been silent the whole time, and asked, “What about you, Hokage?”
Hokage didn’t respond. It was clear that he either didn’t have an opinion on the matter or felt no need to discuss it.
“Do not question the actions of the Leader,” Kagari told Homura. “You have been raised to join Team Magma, have you not? Up until now you have followed the words of the Leader without question.” Not receiving an answer, she continued, “Our sole purpose is not to defeat Team Aqua, you know. We have…other objectives.”
“I understand that,” growled Homura; however, he said nothing more.
Finally, Hokage spoke. He turned to Kagari, inquiring, “Are you sure that we could not control Groudon, even with the Blue Orb?”
“I said it was a possibility,” Kagari corrected him. “We might not have corrupted anything, but I can’t be sure.”
Hokage nodded. “I hope that turns out not to be the case.”
* * *
Umi leaned back in her chair, staring blankly at the expressionless metallic ceiling above her head. Her long blond hair hung loosely about her shoulders, wavering as she sighed.
“It’s really bugging me.”
Ame turned in his chair, giving Umi a questioning look. “What’s really bugging you?”
“The fact that Team Magma suddenly just left like that,” she said, more to herself than to her brother. “They wouldn’t do that without good reason.”
“I know what you mean,” responded Ame. “But what will happen if we find out? It just can’t be something we’d want to get involved with, I’m sure of it.”
“You’re right. They do say curiosity killed the cat,” Umi agreed, frowning pensively. “And, on the other hand, what if we don’t find out? D’you think that would be beneficial, either?”
“I guess there’s only one way to find out which way is right and which isn’t,” Ame hypothesized portentously.
Umi laughed. “Of course, it’s not like it’s up to us whether we investigate or not.”
“Speaking of which, you reminded me of something,” intoned Ame suddenly. “Did you notice that Izumi actually fought in a Pokémon battle back there? ‘S not like her to do that. She didn’t even try to directly attack the members of Team Magma until the rest of our Team’s fighters appeared. No bloodshed from her side for…What, like, six minutes? Scary, huh?”
“Yeah,” Umi mused distractedly. Her mind was focused on the one thing that had been weighing on her. When Izumi had been fighting at the Final Resting Place, it looked like her opponent was Rosoku. If it had been him, he had seemed as if he was having a horrid time trying to keep up with her, even though he had been fighting with Pokémon. Sure, it was Izumi he had been fighting, but that had made her realize that it was possible for Rosoku to die in battle.
Umi shook the thought from her conscience irately. It shouldn’t matter to her; Rosoku was a member of Team Magma, and he was the enemy. But yet…
“Um, okay,” she heard Ame say. Apparently he had noticed her absence of mind. “Disregarding your sudden lack of interest…”
“It’s nothing,” muttered Umi. “I’m just thinking about what you said earlier.”
Ame shrugged and smiled quizzically at his sibling. “No worries; point taken. I’ll shut up now.” With that, he whirled around in his seat and returned to work.
Nodding to herself, Umi stood up and left the room. She drew a dagger from her bag and observed the blade. She could see her face mirrored on the carefully polished metal. Her own sapphire eyes stared upwards, reflecting her own confusion back at her. I know this is me, she thought, but I’ve felt…Different ever since I met Rosoku at the Ho-oh Festival. And now that I know he’s on Team Magma, why do I still care about him?
Umi stared at the dagger for a moment, then closed her eyes. Her grip on the leathery hilt loosened, and the blade dropped to the floor. As the metal of the dagger struck the floor, a clanging sound echoed throughout the hallway and the endless hollows of Umi’s mind. As the sound resounded in her head, thoughts were freed from her subconscious; questions that she could not answer asked themselves. One abruptly shoved its way pats the mix of tangled emotions and meaningless questions, filling her thoughts immediately.
So, does Rosoku still love you?
Suddenly she was jerked back to the present, as quickly as if she was waking in a bed of flames. She retrieved a dagger from the floor, twirling the blade in her hand dexterously to rouse herself and set it back in her bag. Well, if I’m losing my mind, at least I’m not losing my touch.
She walked down a long, steel-walled corridor, at the end of which lay what appeared to be a completely vacant steel wall. Umi drew another dagger, this one with and extremely thin blade and the insignia of her Team imprinted in the hilt, and thrust it into a narrow indentation in the wall. An entryway opened before her, and she wordlessly stepped through.
Before her was a room whose floor, ceiling and walls were incased in a glasslike ice that marvelously enhanced the bluish-white glow illuminating them. Umi took a deep breath and held it, tightening her hold of the dagger and preparing herself for anything that could be thrown at her.
21st December 2005, 11:43 PM
I'm sure you don't need me to say I love this awesome story to know that it's true ^_^ I'm glad to see another chapter added!
22nd December 2005, 7:14 AM
Woot! Woot! ...Meh, either I have tired eyes and do not see any typos... Or, You didn't have any!! Well, I don't really spot anything at the moment, but I do have one question: What does tepid mean?
22nd December 2005, 8:13 PM
Hey CoNsPiRaToR! Nice to see you online again. It seems like you haven't posted anywhere for ages. O__o; That's right, you had the glitch that stopped you from posting, didn't you? Well, I'm glad you like it. I hope I won't take this long on Chapter VII, but I have a serious case of Holiday Writer's Block. >__<
And Bawooga, the lack of typos is probably because I'm using MS Word now. I love Spell-Check and I use it a whole lot. The grammar check is often wrong though. Don't ask me why.
Oh, and tepid means hot. Usually very hot...And maybe humid.
*humming Nutcracker music*
9th January 2006, 7:34 AM
Ugh, sorry 'bout the supremely late reviewing, I just got caught up in stuffs and such. Er, whatever tha means. Now I can really tell that there was a "half of a page" missing here- this was a very well written chapter, but not much really occured. However, one of the most interesting portions of this entire fic happened at the end here, with Umi contemplating her relationship with Rosoku in her dagger. Being that the dagger is a very symbollic object, especially in R+J, it drew up some really great imagery and foreshadowing. Great job with that.
Well, this was an interesting, albeit short, chapter. I apologize for the long wait! Still! Gah!
P.S. I seem awfully boring in this review. LAWNMOWER! There, that's better. XD
18th January 2006, 5:54 AM
Whee, bordering on 4,000 views! Hoorah! ^__^
Y halo thar, Quackerdrill. Glad you liked the chapter. The scene I cut out was just a bit of foreshadowing, but I can replace it in the next chapter. It'll probably work out, neh? It wasn't supposed to be an earthshattering chapter, because the last chapter is going to be very big. Not long big, but eventyful and climatic big. So I decided that this chapter should foreshadow a bit and be a sort of break in the action before the climax.
Ohh right...The dagger was in Romeo and Juliet. I forgot that, yet put it in anyhow? *points to head* These things must be in my subconcious and are just coming out randomly without telling me. How strange.
SUPER LANWMOWER! >D
26th February 2006, 5:34 AM
So, is this fanfiction going to be continued? I am very interested to see what will be 'thrown' at Umi...
28th February 2006, 2:30 AM
Yeah, I'll certainly continue LaL...But it's on hiatus for now because I'm so behind...I had writer's block for two months; it's gone now, but it really hindered my progression. I won't be posting any more chapters until much later, but I'll still be working on the story, so don't worry. I'll also be posting updates regularly (if I can do it without double posting).
Current Progress | Chapter VII : Part II : Paragraph 0
Sometime early this year - about March or April - I'll be going on vacation. As in, leaving the continent. So don't expect anything from me at that time for at least a week and a half, maybe more...
1st July 2006, 2:56 AM
I LIVE!! >D Yes, I'm finally back. And no, as you can see I didn't die/dissappear off the face of the earth/forget about LaL/do whatever you thought I did. I've still been working on the story and I've actually finished Chapter VII! Hooray! I haven't started typing it up yet and I won't start until I finish Chapter IX at least.
Also, I posted another thread about why I haven't been updating, but then I found out that I could bump my old thread in order to post this here. So here's the news, quoted from the aforementioned thread:
...My hiatus is finally coming to an end. As you know I haven't updated LaL...and I believe that's [due to] bad planning on my part. I posted the thread as soon as I finished the first chapter and that didn't give me enough time to finish the chapters before a month was over. Way back in December 2005 I had a huge writer's block and when it finally lifted in late January I meant to get started writing again. However, I just didn't really get around to it and after that it started falling apart. It's not that I've had a lot of obstacles, just that the obstacles were big ones - projects, the trip to Central America...And when I had free time I guess I just didn't get to it.
Now I'm planning to get back to work on it and I have been adding to it irregularly throughout the month. I plan to get back up to speed on it in a few months, but for the moment I won't be putting up new chapters...
Etc., etc. Thanks for paying attention, and I hope you're not too impatient with me. *ducks from tomatoes thrown from reviewers*
1st July 2006, 3:02 AM
Yay! *does a boogie* =D
1st July 2006, 7:42 PM
Yay! *does a boogie* =D*dances also* Glad you still read it. 8D
11th July 2006, 1:02 AM
Wow, you live! :o
Glad to hear there's a new chapter somewhere in the future! :D Can hardly wait.
16th July 2006, 7:31 PM
Wow, YOU live. O_o I haven't seen you on the forums at all latley. Good to see you still visit.
Yeah, I've got about a page done on Chapter VIII and I don't think it'll be too long before I finish it. Only a few chapters to go until I can get to work on posting again. ^__^;
5th August 2006, 1:31 AM
Woot! I've been watching this thread for forever... (and almost forgot about it as well) can't wait to see the next update!!!
5th August 2006, 11:20 PM
I just love these fics they are perfect for practicing my Shelly and my portrayal of Courtney's voice I'm glad your hiatus will be over and don't stop writing even the best authors need a break sometime
30th August 2006, 4:05 AM
Hooray! As of the first of this month, Love and Loyalty is now one year old! Isn't that awesome?! I'm so excited. *hops up and down* I don't have any more chapters typed up to post but I'm making good progress in chapter VIII. Or is it IX? I forget...>__> Well, here's a teaser: expect some new backstory for the characters! Some important shiny round objects might appear too. Ooh...
Well, see you later! Bye for now~!
19th September 2006, 12:35 AM
I havn't read it in detail, but so far, I think it's great. Suspensful plot, action, romance, and pretty beleivible dialouge.It's a remake of Romeo and Juliet.
(This is my first post, yay!)
10th October 2008, 7:27 AM
Yes, this thread is back on the front page of the Fan Fiction section, if only temporarily. I apologize for any disappointment you may be feeling on seeing that a new post in this thread is not, as you may have suspected, an update.
Love and Loyalty has been officially discontinued. I'm very sorry about this, but I have looked back and reread all of what is here so far. I no longer like what I have written, and I have to go back and rewrite it to be satisfied. That is simply more work than I can handle, considering how many non-fanfiction responsibilities I have. I also started another chaptered fic, which I won't post here until it's finished, and that demands most of my writing attention.
I did write a few chapters of the story before I canceled the fic, and if anyone is interested, I can post them, but I will not write any new chapters from this point on. Again, I'm very sorry.
If anyone is still interested in reading my fanfiction, I have an account on FanFiction.net (http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1647792/). Feel free to check it out if you're interested. :D
Finally, I would like to thank everyone here for supporting me throughout this project. You were wonderful motivation for me to write, and I appreciate your support more than I can say. Thank you so much, and happy writing!
11th October 2008, 5:43 AM
Lol... I'm sorry to hear that- I've still been tracing this fanfiction even though its been years already. (Do you remember me???????)
It's actually been a while since I've logged on though, until I just recently started writing again. I would like to see the extra chapters though.
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