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Burnt Flower
15th August 2005, 4:00 AM
Two of a Kind
Part One of the Water and Fire Trilogy

Story Info: Well, here I am, finally posting this story after such a long wait. I consider this my most important piece of fiction along with Part Two and Three that will hopefully be posted someday in the future. I got the idea for the plot in the year 2002, just when everybody was freaking out or cheering because of the first Advance picture ever posted (May was featured there and there wasn't any single trace of Misty). I was snooping around the forums of UPN, and a particular thread caught my full attention - it was a wacked out theory, though many desperate people wanted to believe in it. I can't post it now in fear of ruining a crucial part of the story, but I'll reveal it after I posted a certain amount of chapters.

Additional Notes: I consider the first chapter the most boring one, and the second chapter where the story really starts, so take that into consideration. Hopefully, this fic - trilogy, will become an epic and remembered for times to come. Maybe my goal is too high, but I am sure going to try my hardest.

I hope new and old readers alike enjoy it.

Notification List:
intergalactic platypus
Serpent Syra
Sike Saner
Misty's Kyogre
Scrap
Byzantium
Infinite Master Sceptile
.:Pyroken Serafoculus:.

If you want to be on this list, just post or PM me.

Rating: R. I'm going all out on violence and gore. This also contains many swear words and disturbing imagery not suited for small children.

Genre: Horror/Sci-Fi/Action/Drama/AU (Another Universe). Also contains some Romance, though it isn't too prominent in the story.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Pokemon, only this story. An obvious statement to say the least…


Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Blackthorn (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=1881228#post1881228)
Posted: 08/14/05


Chapter 2: Flames of Hatred (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2032142#post2032142)
Posted: 09/08/05

Burnt Flower
15th August 2005, 4:01 AM
Chapter 1: Blackthorn

The massive, slumbering beast needed to get out.

It moved slowly, tremulously, though it had a determined and purposeful gleam in its six drowsy eyes. It stretched out a dark, shadowy hand and frantically tried to take hold of one of the stalactites that gleamed in such a way that it almost resembled a brilliant silver in the dim light of the deathly cold cave. The beautiful, slick ice slipped past its fingers and crashed against the snow-covered floor, echoing almost painfully off the frosty walls. With a groan, one of the many limbs of the somnolent creature groped blindly for a way out, though the impenetrable darkness that smothered it from all sides made this task impossible. It was eerily quiet except for the creature’s frenzied pants - its breath was like white smoke that made the cool air of the cavern heavy and foul.

A brilliant light attracted its attention, and made the whole cave glow with an unreal resplendent luminance. Feeling immense satisfaction and relief, the creature edged its way forward to the bright light and was willingly trying to drown in its radiant splendor. After what felt like many long hours of longing anticipation, the creature finally came out of the dreaded, cursed cavern and faced the bright sun. Its happiness was short lived as a huge violent tremor, coming right from its very own core, shook it, until -

“Ash…you’re poking my eye.”

The ‘creature’ untangled itself with great difficulty, their heavy backpacks and winter clothing proving to be just as annoying as their elbows and knees that were jabbing uncomfortably and involuntarily at the nearest companion. Ash had the hardest time disentangling himself away from Brock, who had the great misfortune of having Ash’s dirty finger stuck inside his apparently non-existent eye.

Misty, who barely had any sleep since she had been sandwiched between her two friends during their whole excursion of the Ice Cave, was staring moodily at her two dull-witted friends. They were now even more tightly wrapped around each other (“Brock! Watch where you put that knee!") than when they had to walk through the narrow passageways of that damned cave.

With the last of her patience, she placed down both Togepi and Pikachu, who were snoozing placidly atop her head, and stormed her way towards her two best friends.

“Okay, enough of this!” she cried impatiently, and took hold of Ash’s snow-covered jacket, yanking him away forcefully from Brock, the finger coming out with a sickening pop. Brock sighed in relief and rubbed his sore eye with his green mitten-clad hands.

“Thanks, Misty. Thought I was never getting out of that –” he stopped abruptly once he saw Misty’s infuriated expression. “…What?”

Misty took a furious step forward and Brock backed away in reflex. “I’ll tell you exactly what! ‘Stick together, guys, it’s freezing cold here,’ that’s the worst plan you’ve ever come up with! I barely got any sleep…” Misty yawned sleepily to state her point, and closed her eyes momentarily. Brock, seeing that the immediate danger was over for now, went over to Ash, who was sitting cross-legged on the springy grass with a very strange grimace on his face.

“What’s up, Ash?” Brock whispered, giving Misty a furtive glance in case she woke up.

A loud growling noise coming from Ash’s stomach answered the question perfectly. “So hungry – I haven’t eaten in two hours!” he whined and patted his protesting tummy in a soothing manner.

Brock rummaged inside one of the large pockets of his humongous blue jacket, and found a lint-covered chocolate bar that was melting because of the scorching sun. Ash took it without hesitance, and gobbled it up hungrily, spitting out the red wrapper that he had chewed in his haste.

Ash smiled delightedly, bits of chocolate rolling down his chin and laid down on the green spongy grass. He took off his yellow, lightning bolt-patterned jacket and placed it beside him, preparing himself for a midday snooze.

“Bet he won’t wash his teeth afterwards,” Brock chuckled staring at his brown teeth and then cringed when he remembered breathing in Ash’s horrible breath inside the cave.

It was at that precise moment Misty jumped to her feet, startling Pikachu and Togepi, who both woke up with a loud squeak.

<“What a way to wake up…”> Pikachu mumbled sarcastically to Togepi, who only replied with a cheery chirp.

“Like I was saying…” Misty continued as though she hadn’t dozed off with the Pokemon. Whatever she was about to say died away as she stared open-mouthed at Ash’s sleeping spread-eagled form. She curled her hands into fists, and was just about to rant about people who were so inconsiderate as to take a nap when she was so sleep-deprived, until Brock steered her around with a placating hand on her shoulder.

“Why don’t we check out the map and see where Blackthorn City is, okay Misty?” Brock said in a pacifying voice, taking out what looked to be a stiff, blue and white piece of ice. He stared in horror at it, and then waved his hands frantically in front of Misty who was on the verge of exploding. “D-don’t worry!” he stuttered agitatedly, “I can still make out the lines and stuff!” Misty calmed down considerably though she gave him an expectant gaze. “See? This is where we are right now,” Brock said triumphantly, thrusting a finger directly at the center of the map. Slowly, thin, web-like cracks appeared all over its once clear surface and then shattered into dozens of jutted fragments that landed on top of Brock’s shoes.

He barely managed to look very alarmed for a split-second before he felt a tremendous force crashing down on his skull. Misty pocketed the impossibly immense, brown mallet back into the strange, invisible space right behind her back with a grumpy sigh. She gave a disgruntled glare at Ash, and with the same strength she had used to lift up the heavy mallet, she hauled the peacefully oblivious Ash and threw him unceremoniously over to where the unconscious Brock lay. He happily slept on.

<“Guess Ash got off easy,”> Pikachu laughed nervously and stopped when he saw Misty staring directly at him.

Togepi, who saw his mother in such a bad mood, tried to cheer her up by begging her for food. When Misty saw the eager little egg’s face, she took out what was left of yesterday’s stale Poke Chow from her small backpack. Togepi yanked out the crushed can forcefully from her grasp with astonishing strength and enthusiastically devoured his lunch, while Pikachu ate the cold scraps.

“We have to get going now so you have to get inside, Togepi,” she cooed at her baby Pokemon, and didn’t pay the slightest attention to the dejected countenance of Pikachu, who was still sniffing hopefully the empty, rusted can. Misty gently lowered Togepi back into her dark, damp backpack and to Pikachu’s good fortune, he got a free ride on her shoulder. She was just about to go when she remembered her two companions who were still in the same immobile, pathetic pile as they were before. Effortlessly, Misty grudgingly dragged them off by their necks.

After several minutes of uneventful walking, Togepi popped out of her red, stuffy bag and proceeded to run away, knowing full well that the overly worried Pikachu was right behind him. Pikachu cried out in triumph once he managed to get his furry paws on Togepi, but the maniac egg got away again, roaring with drunken laughter the whole way. The egg chase lasted for quite some time (Togepi screaming out in glee all the while) until they noticed a boy coming their direction. Both Pikachu and Togepi stopped in their tracks out of curiosity, causing Misty to perk up. Hey, maybe he knows where Blackthorn City is! she thought happily and dropped her two friends to the ground.

The boy was inspecting a very complicated-looking graph and was clearly not paying attention to anything other than his calculations. He was a thin kid, not much smaller than when Ash had been a ten-year old, and he looked decidedly out of place in the outdoor wildness. His thick, black glasses were perched precariously on top of his small nose, and then slid off when the boy tripped on an overly large pebble. Blinded for several moments, the boy stumbled around and stepped on his own pair of glasses, cracking it in the middle.

“Excuse me, but do you know where Blackthorn City is? We’ve been lost for quite a while,” Misty asked cautiously, very aware that the boy was still mourning the loss of his glasses.

“Huh? Who’s there?” the boy asked, and stretched out both of his scrawny arms in front of him, groping the air all the while.

“Uh, well, if it isn’t too much trouble, we’d like to know where Blackthorn is,” Misty repeated a bit nervously, noticing that one of the kid’s hands was way too close to her for her liking.

He squinted his hazel eyes at her, carefully inspecting her features for many long seconds while Misty studied her white shoelaces in feigned fascination.

“Hmm, I think I’ve seen you before,” the boy commented, a slight frown forming between his puzzled eyes. Before Misty could respond to this, the boy then talked as though he never said that last comment, “But sure, I know the way to Blackthorn; I’ve just been there approximately two hours ago. If you check the lower right pocket of my bag, you will find quite the detailed map of this area.”

Shrugging, Misty found the perfectly folded map inside one of the clean pockets of the bulging backpack. She didn’t have the time to even glance at the map, when Brock returned to consciousness with a groan; he had some slimy drool hanging down the side of his head since Ash had been sleeping snugly on top of him.

“Uh, where are we?” Brock asked, loud enough to wake Ash up, who had his black hair sticking wetly against his cheek.

“And who’re you?” Ash mumbled drowsily at the boy, before falling asleep again.

Meanwhile, Brock’s full attention was on the map Misty was holding. Ignoring her protests, he ripped the map away from her grasp and stared at it as though a miracle happened before his very own eyes.

The kid and Brock’s eyes met and they were soon discussing directions avidly, and looked like a pair of friends who had just been reunited after a long period of time.

<“Sometimes, I think they never pay me any attention,”> Pikachu complained, who was still in the same exact position that he had been before they met the boy.

“See here? You have to make a right turn on a peculiar mountain formation that looks like a Dugtrio until you reach some irregular trees. Keep going straight on that particular road and make a left swerve,” the kid said to Brock, his finger trailing along a brown squiggly line on the map.

“It’s a bit of a rocky walk, but please do not make a right turn around the mossy rock; it’s a bit of a short-cut to Blackthorn, but some mutated Pokemon were reported in that area. There are rumors about a lab in there where illegal experiments were performed. Some folks say that they used humans as lab specimens and did atrocious things to them…” He shuddered. “Nobody knows the real reason as to why it was shut down – or abandoned. People are scared to go there, though I’ve heard that it’s almost impossible to enter that place.”

Misty, who had been just about to snatch the map away from them, heard most of the conversation and stopped in her tracks. She was very appalled at the notion of human experimentation, and was very horrified to hear that that type of things had been probably happening near them.

“Hey guys, let’s get a move on! We don’t want to camp out yet another night, do we?” Brock shouted, breaking Misty’s silent reverie immediately.

The boy folded the map neatly once more, before dusting his blue t-shirt off and rolling back the cuffs of his long jeans.

“I wish you well.” The kid walked off in the opposite direction without any other word.

“Hey, you never told us your name!” Ash exclaimed, who had woken coincidentally at the same time the boy left, but the boy didn’t even give him a backward glance.

Misty scooped up Togepi, who had fallen asleep out of pure boredom, and placed Pikachu on top of Ash’s head.

They walked for some hours, all the while Misty was pointing out all the remarkable land formations like the three rounded mountains that looked like an exact replica of a Dugtrio and the two bizarre, greenish-blue trees that formed what looked like a rectangular doorway. They followed the boy’s instructions perfectly until they arrived at a fork on the road; one route zigzagging its way around countless harmonious meadows and the other one was partially blocked by an enormous, moss-covered boulder.

Togepi awoke at that moment and rubbed his eyes with his fingerless paws. When his sleep-filled eyes finally cleared, he saw something move past the bushes which caught his full attention. It finally revealed itself after pushing several dead leaves aside; it was some kind of small, living fur ball, that was covered completely in fuzzy, tangled lavender hair and it had two enormous, blank blue eyes. The creature squeaked in a high-pitched voice once it knew it had been spotted, and swiftly ran away.

Togepi giggled madly and tore out of Misty’s arms with extraordinary strength. He followed the strange creature, still cackling like a lunatic. He disappeared into the shadowy bushes.

“Togepi!” Misty yelled in surprise, and ran after Togepi without any other thought. The two others tried to keep up with her frantic form, even when Misty took a decisive turn on the right, almost colliding with the large stone in her haste.

“Misty! We’re turning right!” panted Brock in desperation, but Misty paid him no heed. Ash also forgot about the kid’s warning, and ran even faster in an attempt to keep up with them.

The forest seemed to lure them in with their cold, bare branches, casting nebulous shadows around the area. The trees gave an evil, caged feeling around them and their thick trunks were oozing yellow liquid that looked repulsively similar to pus. Blood-stained bones of small animals were scattered across the contrasting blackened ground, giving an aura of pure rotting decay. The group was too absorbed in catching Togepi to observe their surroundings carefully.

“Togepiiiiiii! Where are you?” Misty kept on calling worriedly, Pikachu also crying out to the wind. After running for an unknown amount of time, the grim trees weren’t so close together and lessened considerably. However, the trunks were all bended in an obedient, bowed position as though they worshipped the nearby clearing. Ash, Misty, and Brock halted in their tracks, their mouths falling open simultaneously.

The grass was a sickening yellow, sticking out of the hard surface in odd clumps; mutated, grotesque Rattatas were covered in hungry insects that were tearing away their mangled, green flesh. And there, in the middle of the clearing, stood a crumbling deteriorating structure that was surrounded by a cheap broken wire, and seemed to only remain upright and whole by sheer will power. Its flaky, white paint was peeling off and leaving a dark brown color beneath it. There was a putrid smell in the air that was stinging their eyes and making them water; they quickly covered their faces with handkerchiefs. Large, oxidized barrels were overturned, which still contained some sort of nasty, purple liquid that was being absorbed slowly by the ground.

Ash was the first to react and took over Misty’s motherly role, as Togepi went under an opening in the fence along with the scrambling, puffy creature. She snapped out of her stunned trance and went after them; being the skinniest of the three, she went under the fence with almost no problem. Ash, after much struggle, came to the other side relatively unscratched. Brock was covered in long red gashes – he had been a bit too big to fit in completely under the opening though he managed to squeeze in after several minutes.

The lavender fur ball screeched loudly and entered the building when it saw a crazed Togepi that was guffawing loudly and waving his glowing blue paws. When he noticed his target was out of sight because it entered the building, Togepi followed it with an indignant huff. Ash soon followed him afterwards.

“Wait up, guys!” Brock wheezed, holding a stitch by his side.

“Hurry up, Brock!” Misty retorted, jumping over a gurgling, glutinous brown puddle that was formed because of the chemicals out of one particular yellow barrel. She went inside.

“Misty – whoa!” he tripped on his own, long shoelace and lost his balance so rapidly he didn’t have time to grab onto anything. Brock landed headfirst into the strange puddle, and coughed roughly when he felt the viscous, acrid liquid inside his mouth. He felt the painful, burning acid going down his throat, causing him to throw up the abhorrent, mucous liquid all over the floor; his eyes instantly clouded over, slimy trails of the burning chemical sliding down his open mouth.

The last thing Brock saw before fainting was his own yellow vomit.


***

It was dark inside.

Mysterious green pinpoints of light were flickering on the walls, daring them to enter further into the obscure shadows. About a thousand pieces of broken glass littered the old marble hall and the same putrid smell still lingered inside but with less sweltering intensity. Ash and Misty took a cautious step forward, wondering if something would come and take them away into the indistinct darkness. Misty unconsciously shivered and wrapped her thin arms around herself as she felt invisible coils of madness surrounding them. She imagined the excruciating pain of the victims, their howling pleas for mercy followed by mirthless laughter from their ruthless aggressors.

Togepi wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“Let’s split up. We can find Togepi faster this way,” Ash whispered, oblivious to her plight.

Misty made an affirmative noise that sounded more like a scared whine to her ears. They gave assuring nods to each other and then they went into opposite directions. Ash headed upstairs on a rickety wooden ladder, while she ran straight ahead into the awaiting gloom.

Misty soon regretted this decision. The artificial lights made the hallway look oddly distorted as though this was straight from another person’s nightmare; there were many doors that seemed to stretch into the black, eternal ceiling and they too were casting a tenebrous twilight; Misty didn’t know which door to open. In the end, she decided to start of from the furthest menacing door.

It was a door made out of pure corroded steel and an equally rusted keypad was beside it – its square buttons having long ago gone out from flashing continuously. Misty noticed the heavy door was a bit ajar so she opened it further with trembling, sweaty hands.

Misty decided at that moment that hell had manifested itself in the pestilential room. Dusty, scientific machinery that hung from the gloomy ceiling like a large, metallic spider, made the already ominous shadows contort into dangerous-looking monsters. There was even more broken glass here; they glowed a brilliant white by the light of a single moonlight beam that peeked from a boarded window. Misty took a hesitant step forward, an almost morbid curiosity pushing her onwards.

Large, grimy jars stored embryos of newborn Pokemon that were trapped in a phosphorescent yellow liquid, all staring at Misty with unmoving and lifeless eyes. Misty approached a shelf that had a blazing red sign with a picture of a skull in the middle to warn foolish people to stay away; she soon knew why as the chemicals she saw earlier were all displayed in fragile-looking test tubes. She backed away from it and her pale thigh bumped a large oak table with syringes filled with the same fatal purple chemical, and to her horror – Knives. They came in many different sizes, and their glinting edges were stained black from blood that had been spilled long ago.

Misty was shuddering violently by now and she placed a quivering hand to her mouth as she felt a sudden urge to puke overwhelm her. She turned around quickly to run for the exit, when she saw the most abominable thing in the whole infernal room.

It was an oval machine that had an empty interior large enough for a large adult to fit inside comfortably; the back of it was made out of a shiny metal that wasn’t tainted by age. There was also a very sophisticated looking control panel (even more so than the one she saw outside), while the front was covered in a very resistant, thick glass. A light, green liquid that was still glowing after so many years, was partly filled inside the ghastly machinery. Many thin, gray cables were inside it and were attached to the upper part of the compartment, while the lower parts of the cables were floating around serenely and moving around as though they were hungry, venomous snakes awaiting their prey. Two devices that had a sharp point each were on each side haunting, liquescent suspension center.

Torture devices… Misty thought, feeling even sicker than before and she unconsciously pressed her damp hand even closer to her mouth. That’s when it hit her - this was where the humans had been kept, like some sort of freak show aquarium for everyone to enjoy.

There was another machine similar to the one she saw but unlike that one, this one was shattered at the top. Torture devices laid ruined on the floor along with impossibly bent pieces of metal. The lower part still had green liquid and also some cables, but to her complete amazement, a journal was floating facedown, its simple cover almost blending perfectly with the fluids. She didn’t know what made her do it, but she dipped her hands to the very murky bottom and was relieved that the liquid wasn’t harmful. Misty picked up the journal, which was drenched completely, and she carefully opened its pages. Black smudges of ink ran down the dripping pages and made it completely illegible. Misty took out an old cloth from her red backpack and wrapped it around the wet journal; she shoved the journal back inside and headed for the door, baffled by her own bold actions.

She was just about to close the door and head out when she saw something that made her blood run cold.

Hidden in the deepest shadows, the carcass of a deformed man stared at her through gouged out, empty eyes with a panicked expression that would be forever etched on his taut, clammy face. His blood-spattered lab coat was pooled down his bony waist and ripped apart. Throbbing maggots still spilled out of his bloody mouth and stomach, and slowly devoured his juicy intestines that were now just mere strands of purplish flesh that were coming out from gaping, crimson orifices.

Misty let out a blood-curling scream that made all the windows rattle.


***

“TOGEPI! Where are you?” Ash shouted loudly, hoping that Togepi would come out from whatever evil corner he was hiding in.

<“Ash, I don’t think you should call out so loudly…”> Pikachu whimpered quietly, grasping the back of Ash’s red cap as if it were his lifeline.

Ash had opened the door hoping Togepi was inside, but then remembered almost immediately that Togepi wasn’t tall enough to reach the handle. Feeling oddly dumb, he was about to close the door to continue his search elsewhere, until some pictures on the wall caught his attention.

There were a hundred portraits in total; twenty dusty pictures were aligned perfectly in five neat rows, though there was one picture standing prominently alone and above the rest of them. The picture frame was much bigger than the other ones and looked like it was made out of some beautiful, polished wood. As Ash got even closer, he could make out that each photo contained one employee including his name and status. With each passing name that he read (Lagalant, Mane, Diaz, Forest, Toob…) he became even more uneasy and apprehensive. What happened to all of them? Did they just quit or did something horrible happen to them? But Ash faintly remembered something that the kid said when he was in the realm between sleep and awakening. His anger soon replaced his anxiety; whatever happened to those employees, they deserved it.

A long piercing shriek made his heart stop and with a sense of dread he recognized the scream as –

“MISTY!” he shouted.

Without any other thought, Ash was out the door running as fast as he could, jumping the stairs three at a time, and hoping that Misty was fine.


***

Brock awoke with a pounding headache.

With a moan, he lifted his head from the goopy pile of fetid chemicals and felt his whole face covered in mucky liquid. His eyes not fully focusing, he managed to get out his handkerchief and wipe the muddy chemicals off, though he still felt the lingering pain that had consumed him before.

Once his eyes fully cleared, Brock was more than startled by Togepi, who was beating him on the head with a small twig. He snatched him up before he caused any more problems to them all; Togepi wasn’t happy with this new predicament and screeched an ear-piercing cry. Brock cringed, but otherwise ignored him.

Feeling his face still a little bit sore, Brock reached out for his handkerchief again and was bewildered to only feel air; he looked down at his hands. Brock's eyes grew large with incredulity.

There only remained a single magenta thread where the handkerchief had been before.


***

Ash reached Misty, completely out of breath and almost whooped with relief when he saw her unharmed. His smile slid off from his face just as rapidly once he saw her expression; Misty was ghostly pale, her eyes were wide open and staring at some unknown place only she could see. She was breathing hard as though she were suffocating and didn’t take note of Ash’s presence.

“C-c-orpse,” she said in a strangled sort of voice that didn’t sound like her at all, finally acknowledging his existence. Ash placed a gentle hand on top of her fist in an attempt to calm her down.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.” He steered her outside by her elbow.

Once outside, they saw Brock holding a lively Togepi, who was still shrilly protesting against this injustice, and when he saw both of his friends, he let out a long breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Here’s Togepi, Misty. He’s all right, see?” Brock said, and placed him in her unresponsive arms.

Misty twisted her mouth into what she considered a smile, though, in reality, it made her look like a demented zombie. She picked him up at an arms’ length and didn’t seem to be excited to see him at all. Togepi unfazed by her mother’s reaction, was still full of energy, kicking his small legs in the air and struggling to escape once more. Pikachu unzipped her bag and placed Togepi inside its dark interior without Misty’s permission, fearing for his egg friend’s safety.

“Let’s go.” It wasn’t a question.

Ash, Misty, and Brock left without another word.

They never noticed that the hairy lavender creature was laughing cruelly at their retreating backs.


***

They reached Blackthorn City by nightfall.

They walked the whole way in absolute silence, the only sound breaking the tranquility was Togepi’s loud snores, until they reached Blackthorn. The city resembled more a small cozy village than the major, imperious city they had expected. It was surrounded on all sides by grandiose, colossal mountains that shrunk the already small city into an insignificant dot that just happened to stain their glorious surface.

The Pokemon Center was quite easy to spot since it was one of the few buildings that didn’t look like a run-down hut. When they entered past the clear moving doors, they almost collapsed in relief.

“Hello, how may I help you?” said Nurse Joy politely in a falsely sweet voice, once she spotted them.

“We’d like a room, please. More than three beds if it’s possible,” Brock said to Nurse Joy in a droning, emotionless voice. Ash stared at him in disbelief, while Misty was just looking at him blankly, though it was merely from the shock she received earlier.

“Oh, staying for the night then?” Nurse Joy gave them another strained smile and gave him an antique-looking key. Brock nodded, not even staring at her; Ash seemed close to fainting.

“Ring-Ring, Ring-Ring, Phone Call! Phone Call!” repeated the video phone in a very annoying robotic voice. Nurse Joy picked it up, and nodded to the screen. “Are any of you Ash Ketchum?” she questioned.

“That’s me.” With a puzzled shrug at Brock, he picked up the receiver. His mother’s face appeared on the screen, still as young as ever and with a big smile on her face.

“Honey, I’m so glad to see you! Guess who’s here at home…” she finished in a sing-song voice.

“Er…dunno mom…” Ash said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Grandma and Grandpa! They can’t wait to see you again!” she squealed loudly, her whole face glowing with happiness.

Ash didn’t expect this answer at all; he hadn’t seen his grandparents since he was eight, and guiltily forgot about them since then. He wanted to see them, too, now that he pondered more about it, but the gym badge… He needed only one more to compete in the Johto League.

“Mom, how am I going to get to Pallet Town?” he asked.

“Don’t worry, dear! I’ve got it all worked out; you’ll take the twelve-thirty flight to Pallet.” Ash was a bit surprised; he didn’t know there was an airport in such a small, shabby city. “Here’s your ticket!” A small official-looking piece of paper appeared in a tiny slot below the screen.

Ash frowned. “Mom there’s only one ticket here.”

Delia stared at him with a blank expression and then positively screamed. “I’m so sorry, honey! I forgot to buy your friends some tickets, but don’t worry! You’ll only stay here for only one day; I know how much Pokemon Training means to you,” she said soothingly, her face getting too close to the screen. Ash checked his watch and to his alarm, it was twelve o’ clock.

“Mom, I’ve gotta run! Talk to you later!” he said hurriedly and cut the connection.

“Don’t worry Ash! We’ll stay at the Pokemon Center ‘till you get back,” Brock said with a small smile and patted his back.

He scooped Pikachu roughly (<“Hey, be a bit more gentle will you?”>) and then skidded against the shiny floor as he made a sharp turn for the doors.

“Bye guys!” Ash waved them good-bye and he was gone in a flash.

Misty was preparing to go to their rooms when Brock stopped her.

“What is it Brock?” Misty said plainly, staring at the floor all the while.

“I don’t know what kind of milk Togepi drinks…” Brock said cautiously, shocked at Misty’s lack of emotion. “Err…shall we go out?” he said awkwardly and motioned the sliding door with the back of his hand.

Misty nodded and then went outside, Brock giving her a worried glance all the while.


***

“Here, Torchic. That’s the last of our food.”

Haruka, a deplorable and dirty girl, was huddled behind some smelly trash cans in an attempt to warm herself. Her hopeless, blue eyes stared down at her Torchic - a cute, orange chick-like Pokemon, who was shivering underneath her red bandanna that she was using as a small blanket. She took out a dusty radish from inside her yellow pouch bag that was around her hip, and tossed it towards her hungry Pokemon; Torchic gave her a miserable look before pecking at it.

Haruka shivered even more roughly - her tight, red shirt and small, blue shorts weren’t exactly suited for the cold weather, and to add to her troubles, she was very hungry. Having nothing better to do, she ran her white-gloved fingers through her brown hair and untangled all the knots as she did so.

But what Haruka saw made her forget her drowsiness and hunger – in fact, the whole world faded away except for the person in front of her own two, amazed eyes.

It was her.

Kasumi.

It was as if life returned once more into her soulless, broken body. Her eyes lit up with a deranged, exhilarated look and she felt all the energy she lost over the passing years returning to her full-force. The sheer, intoxicating power made her dizzy with overpowering happiness.

Haruka cried out in glorious triumph.

Finally…Finally.

With a savage grin, she went towards her.


***

They were heading back to the Pokemon Center when a girl came towards them.

She was shaking like a tiny leaf trapped in the fiercest of hurricanes, and her Torchic was following her close behind, though the poor thing wasn’t in a better state. After a particularly strong gust of wind, her frayed, red bandanna blocked her eyesight and because of this, she crashed directly at Brock, who had a baby bottle in his hand filled with a white liquid. The bottle shattered on the ground.

“I’m so sorry! I’ll try to pay you for the damages,” the girl said all this in a single breath, and then scooped all the broken bottle pieces, unaware that the milk was drenching her gloves.

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” Brock assured her briskly, once he noticed that the girl’s eyes got overly bright. “What’s your name?”

“My name’s Haruka…” the girl mumbled lowly, and Brock had to concentrate very hard on hearing her. When she spotted Misty, her eyes got a bit curious.

“Hello…is by any chance your name, Misty?” she said timidly, and then recoiled with her eyes tightly closed when she sensed Misty staring back at her.

“Yes, that’s me,” Misty replied in a mechanical voice that held absolutely no trace of her old, feisty self.

“Well, I know I just met you, but I was wondering… Could I join your group for a while? I have nowhere else to go…” she trailed off, her big blue eyes filling with tears, and then wiped them hastily when she thought no one was looking.

“You’re welcome to stay with us as long as you like!” Brock said kindly, and placed a friendly hand on her shoulder. She smiled widely.

“Thank you so much! I appreciate your kindness!” Haruka kissed his cheek lightly, and then turned away as she blushed furiously. Brock stood immobile for a full minute as though he were an ancient statue, and then broke out into a humongous smile that looked dangerously close to breaking his face in two.

Misty and Torchic just stared.

They entered the Pokemon Center two minutes before closing time, Nurse Joy sending them a reproving stare as they tiptoed to one particular side of the Center.

Brock took out a key with an engraved ‘34’ on its brass surface from his green vest and then inserted it into the key hole. The door swung open with a long creak, and the three sleepy people didn’t even inspect their own room.

“Oh, you’re so generous!” Haruka said, while bowing so lowly that the tips of her bandanna touched the blue carpet. She placed a firm hand on her Torchic so she would copy her same position.

“No trouble at all – really!” Brock put more emphasis on the last word when Haruka remained in the same submissive stance.

Haruka beamed at Brock, as she took the lower right bunk bed (Torchic chirping in contentment at the sight of a real bed) and completely immersed herself into the soft covers.

“Good night Misty! Haruka!” Brock said loudly, with the same goofy smile on his face, and then he clicked the lights off. He fell asleep immediately on the upper-left bunk bed without even covering himself.

“Good night, Misty…” Haruka said cheerfully, popping from under the comfy duvets and giving Misty one of the biggest frights in her life.

“Yeah… ‘night,” Misty whispered once her heart finally calmed down. She fell asleep soon after.

When she felt everyone going to sleep, Haruka stayed awake, smiling amusedly under the covers. She swiftly removed them and cautiously stared up at Kasumi. Almost purring with contentment, Haruka lovingly grabbed an orange lock from Kasumi’s hair. It burned under her fingertips and her lungs filled with the refreshing, black smoke that was accompanied by her actions.

Bending her head forward so her mouth was close to Kasumi’s ear, she whispered one thing.

“Sweet dreams.”


*******

intergalactic platypus
15th August 2005, 5:09 AM
im in love. honestly. your description is just incredible, you can disturb the reader in the way a proffesional would. the description of the rotting corpse chilled me. and haruka...her character is really disturbing already. i cant wait to hear more, really, your a very very talented author. no wonder you call yourself the horror mistress

Burnt Flower
15th August 2005, 12:51 PM
Yay! My first review! Just for that, buttersgirl, you get a free candy skull! :D

And I'm really, really relieved my description doesn't suck - I haven't written anything since last February, I think. :p

Ah, yes, Haruka: I love her dearly, though only because I modified her personality, but still... XD She's one of the main characters in this story, and if you think she's disturbing now, just wait until later on. ;)

Heh, and the Horror Mistress title was actually given to me by LilyPichu. =D

Once again, thanks!

Elemental Charizam
15th August 2005, 2:21 PM
I knew this would b posted to late for me :p Ah well, I can review now anyways...


Highlights and Points Of Interest


Ash had the hardest time disentangling himself away from Brock, who had the great misfortune of having Ash’s dirty finger stuck inside his apparently non-existent eye.


A loud growling noise coming from Ash’s stomach answered the question perfectly. “So hungry – I haven’t eaten in two hours!” he whined and patted his protesting tummy in a soothing manner.

“Like I was saying…” Misty continued as though she hadn’t dozed off with the Pokemon. Whatever she was about to say died away as she stared open-mouthed at Ash’s sleeping spread-eagled form. She curled her hands into fists, and was just about to rant about people who were so inconsiderate as to take a nap when she was so sleep-deprived, until Brock steered her around with a placating hand on her shoulder.
I think the area you improved most was in capturing the animé characters, especially Ash and Misty :D


“Misty – whoa!” he tripped on his own, long shoelace and lost his balance so rapidly he didn’t have time to grab onto anything. Brock landed headfirst into the strange puddle, and coughed roughly when he felt the viscous, acrid liquid inside his mouth. He felt the painful, burning acid going down his throat, causing him to throw up the abhorrent, mucous liquid all over the floor; his eyes instantly clouded over, slimy trails of the burning chemical sliding down his open mouth.

The last thing Brock saw before fainting was his own warm vomit.

There only remained a single magenta thread where the handkerchief had been before.
I know that wasn't in the last version. Is it a plotline or a red herring? Hmm...


When she felt everyone going to sleep, Haruka stayed awake, smiling amusedly under the covers. She swiftly removed them and cautiously stared up at Kasumi. Almost purring with contentment, Haruka lovingly grabbed an orange lock from Kasumi’s hair. It burned under her fingertips and her lungs filled with the refreshing, black smoke that was accompanied by her actions.

Bending her head forward so her mouth was close to Kasumi’s ear, she whispered one thing.

“Sweet dreams.”
The ending was much more creepy this time, though it hasn't changed much. I'm suprised it could be improved myself :)

I agree with buttersgirl, the description in this chapter was great - creepy, powerful and gave better mental imagery than anything else I've read on the internet. Despite the fact that things were fairly simmilar it didn't feel like re-reading to me; there was enough change to make it exciting, as if I was reading it for the first time. Good luck on the next chapter, it should be hillarious :D

5: :snowlax:

^ I didn't forget them this time ;)

Scribe
15th August 2005, 2:29 PM
O.O *Jumps behind chair*

That was friggin scary...Haruka is freaking me out!

Although part of me is against it, I really wanna see what else is in that lab, and what that furball was, is it a mutated Venonat?
I only have two moans:


The ‘creature’ untangled itself with great difficult Was that supposed to be difficulty? I may have misread though...


proving to be just as annoying as their elbows and knees that were jabbing uncomfortably and involuntarily the nearest companion.

I think that should have been jabbing at the nearest companion but again I might be wrong.

I cant wait to read more and solve whats going on, great job!

Kaizer
15th August 2005, 3:22 PM
I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood to do an actual reply, but after reading the preview, this has more than met what I expected from it. I was very well described and made sense. So I know this review sucks, but I'm just not in the mood right now.
I'll reply again next chapter.
;245;

Ryano Ra
15th August 2005, 7:14 PM
Magnificent - just magnificent. You are definitely worthy of your title, because your writing shows it deeply. Like EC said, it had the perfect amount of power and gave such a fantastic mental imagery, and you had chills running through my body, shivering down my spine. I must say, you are a beautiful-writing author who has such a splendid talent with the worlds of Horror. I will definitely be reading this and continue, because I can tell so many bloody scenes are bond to happen. Although I'm not a true fan of Ash and Brock (Haruka = May, right?), Misty is definitely a wonderful character to use in stories like this. You capture their hardcore personalities, in which adds to your mightyness in writing. I'm too envious right now. ;o; Again, magnificent job.

striker
15th August 2005, 7:17 PM
it is great. If u made it any longer it could be a book(joke)(dont take it offensively)

striker
15th August 2005, 7:18 PM
plus this could make a good series

Sike Saner
15th August 2005, 7:49 PM
Wow...wow...wow...*shakes head vigorously* Okay, hang on...this is the "most boring" chapter? Good holy god in a can...what will the most exciting chapter look like?! I'm kind of scared...

Anyway. If you ask me, there was not a dull moment there. Not one. You've put forth wordcraft of a nature that is at times intoxicating. Examples:


The forest seemed to lure them in with their cold, bare branches, casting nebulous shadows around the area. The trees gave an evil, caged feeling around them and their thick trunks were oozing yellow liquid that looked repulsively similar to pus. Blood-stained bones of small animals were scattered across the contrasting blackened ground, giving an aura of pure rotting decay.


Misty unconsciously shivered and wrapped her thins arms around herself as she felt invisible coils of madness surrounding them. She imagined the excruciating pain of the victims, their howling pleads for mercy followed by mirthless laughter from their ruthless aggressors.

But the ultimate winner is:


Hidden in the deepest shadows, the carcass of a deformed man stared at her through gouged out, empty eyes with a panicked expression that would be forever etched on his taut, clammy face. His blood-spattered lab coat was pooled down his bony waist and ripped apart. Throbbing maggots still spilled out of his bloody mouth and stomach, and slowly devoured his juicy intestines that were now just mere strands of purplish flesh that were coming out from gaping, crimson orifices.

Fwee, gross! :D *giggles unwholesomely* My inner sadist loves you, and offers you a cookie.

I had high expectations just from the preview, and yet, you've already exceeded even those - with just one chapter. Wow...wow...wow...

Burnt Flower
15th August 2005, 10:00 PM
I just got back from school and almost fell off my seat by all the positive feedback. You guys are the greatest!!!!!!! :D *gives chocolate eyeballs to everybody* :p

EC: I'm so sorry I took such a long time! I was revising it as fast as I could, but in the end, I only managed to finish it at 11 PM, ;_; And yeah, I tried really hard to get their real personalities right (though they'll have major personality changes by the end), though anything could be an improvement from the extremely crappy first copy. >_< Yeah, the Brock thing was the biggest change in the first chapter - you'll see if it's a red herring or not. ;) I actually thought you'd get mad that I completely cut off the battle. :p And I'm glad you posted your favorite parts, that way I know what I'm doing right. :) Thank you so much for reviewing!!! *mega glomps*

Scribe: Haruka is one of the creepiest characters I created (well, she exists in the anime though she has no resemblance to my Haruka) so I'm glad she freaked you out. ;) I'll correct my mistakes as fast I can, but thanks for pointing them out! And the furry creature is something that's even worse than a mutated Venonat - and that's all I'm saying. ;D As for the lab...maybe they'll return there someday. *mysterious voice*

kaizer63: It's okay if you're not in the mood for reviewing. ^^; Thanks anyways. =)

Serpent Syra: *blush* Thanks Ra, though I still say you kick my arse in description as always. :p I was really worried that everybody would complain about my description since I haven't written too much lately *major understatement*. Yeah, I know I'm aware that not many people aren't fans of the anime characters (and Haruka=May) but hopefully it'll be overcome by my plot! :D Thanks again Ra! *gives special maggot-covered cookie* ;)

striker: Believe it or not, this chapter was actually shorter than the original copy. =P But thanks for the kind review anyway! =)

Sike Saner: Yeah, I thought people were going to die from boredom (*phew* glad that's not the case) by Ash, Misty and Brock's interactions so I completely scrapped off a battle that the kid with the glasses was supposed to have with Ash, and some minor Pikachu gags. XD I really enjoyed writing the scenes inside the lab, and I rushed to get there. :p But your review actually erased some of my major worries, so you get a nice, blood slushie! XP Thanks Sike (can I call you that?). :D


Anyway, people the second chapter will most likely be posted Saturday/Sunday so stay tuned until then. ;)

Just one question, do you want me to PM you guys or not?

Ryano Ra
15th August 2005, 10:35 PM
Serpent Syra: *blush* Thanks Ra, though I still say you kick my arse in description as always. :p I was really worried that everybody would complain about my description since I haven't written too much lately *major understatement*. Yeah, I know I'm aware that not many people aren't fans of the anime characters (and Haruka=May) but hopefully it'll be overcome by my plot! :D Thanks again Ra! *gives special maggot-covered cookie* ;)

Anyway, people the second chapter will most likely be posted Saturday/Sunday so stay tuned until then. ;)

Just one question, do you want me to PM you guys or not?Oh no, not anymore, Horror Mistress. You are definitely better in writing description than I am, and everyone here knows me. Perhaps we are both equally great in describing. Your plot will absolutely overshadow from the dislikes of Ash (even though he's an awesome character, if you make him a beast, that is. ^^), but it seems as though people will be starting to use anime characters. (I'm fumbling with grand ideas about a Lance Fanfiction, probably the grand revision of Bloodstained Swords with a new, fresh title. I honestly think I can do a fantastic job with that story, if I rewrite the Prologue to a more horrific one. ^.^). Okay, let me stop rambling about my story.

And thank you very much for the maggot-covered cookie, I'll devour it with my worm-swimming milk. ^^ *takes cookie ravenously and scurries off* Yes, I'd love a PM, seeing that I'll be reading a few fics here and there at times to put up thousands of choice up for the Summer Fiction Awards, and I'll be writing my story. Just one question, in your banner, on Misty's face, did somebody chew at her cheek or something? *_* I don't know what that is, and please excuse me if I sound very pathetic. *_*;

intergalactic platypus
15th August 2005, 10:36 PM
PM me. i only review usually if im PMed about ti (which is happening a lot these days). this is only my second time being really really excited to read a fic, the first being sike saners the origin of storms. this is definitely going to be on my all time favorites list if it keeps up being good

jirachiman876
15th August 2005, 10:51 PM
OMFG!!! That was so freaking creepy. I thought your one-shots were creepy but your fics are scart as hell. That was the creepiest thing I've ever read ever. My dog just now scared me, and she's not even scary in the least,that's how much I'm freaked out. I guess you get how creeped out I am so I'll just get to my other part of the review. The mistakes!!! Actually there are none that I found. Damn. Well I am so staying with this. May is creepy. Also I would have thought it boring if you put the battles in there. Though I'm not that fond of the anime characters I love this. I'm sticking with this. I don't need a PM I got my e-mail. *subscribes*
jirachiman out ;385;

Elemental Charizam
15th August 2005, 11:52 PM
EC: I'm so sorry I took such a long time! I was revising it as fast as I could, but in the end, I only managed to finish it at 11 PM, ;_; And yeah, I tried really hard to get their real personalities right (though they'll have major personality changes by the end), though anything could be an improvement from the extremely crappy first copy. >_< Yeah, the Brock thing was the biggest change in the first chapter - you'll see if it's a red herring or not. ;) I actually thought you'd get mad that I completely cut off the battle. :p And I'm glad you posted your favorite parts, that way I know what I'm doing right. :) Thank you so much for reviewing!!! *mega glomps*
*returns mega glomp* It's probably best that you did post it late - or early for me - so my review was coherent ;) The characters were the only thing I could fault in the original, though they were still pretty good. Along with everything else, they're awesome :D How could I be mad at such a great author/person (and fic too, for that matter)? Besides, I think it might be better for cutting off the battle - more room for cool horror lab...

IceKing
16th August 2005, 12:02 AM
Burnt Flower, Burnt Flower, Burnt Flower.

All the years of barbie torturing has finally led to this!

Here are a few qoutes I liked/foudn mistakes


Ash had the hardest time disentangling himself away from Brock, who had the great misfortune of having Ash’s dirty finger stuck inside his apparently non-existent eye.

LOL! Non-existent eye... See? Your not too horrible with humor


she cried impatiently, and took hold of Ash’s snow-covered jacket and yanked him away forcefully from Brock,

Hmm, I dont think its good to have the too ands, I think it would be better if you had it as "Yanking"


Ash smiled delightedly, bits of chocolate rolling down his chin, and laid down on the green spongy grass.

Im not Mr. "Should be installed as a grammar/spell checker" like you, but Im not sure if your doign it right if you have the commas when theirs no subjects in the second part.



Misty pocketed the impossibly immense, brown mallet back into the strange, invisible space right behind her back with a grumpy sigh.

THE MALLET! W00t w00t! Im so glad your using Misty in her crazy form, its my favorite form!



Some folks say that they used humans as lab specimens and did atrocious things to them…” He shuddered. “Nobody knows the real reason as to why it was shut down – or abandoned. People are scared to go there, though I’ve heard that it’s almost impossible to enter that place.”

Thats some clear foreshadowing there, maybe this is why Harukas all pyscho?


The forest seemed to lure them in with their cold, bare branches, casting nebulous shadows around the area. The trees gave an evil, caged feeling around them and their thick trunks were oozing yellow liquid that looked repulsively similar to pus. Blood-stained bones of small animals were scattered across the contrasting blackened ground, giving an aura of pure rotting decay.

Ok, the horrific descriptions in this fic are nothign short of pure BRILLIANCE. It is amazing how you can make the temperature in the room grow colder with your story tellling, the one with the corpse was definetely the best. The whole wrong path thing is kind of cliche, but hey if it leads to some good wriitng, I couldnt care less.


nightmare; There were many doors that seemed to stretch into the black, eternal ceiling and they too were casting a tenebrous twilight; Misty didn’t know which door to open.

Uncaptilize there



There only remained a single magenta thread where the handkerchief had been before.

Please for the love of God, if Brock ends up getting super powers then I swear I am goign to throw somethign. But if you write it well enough, then ill just throw something at IceKign Jr, such a good sport...


“Thank you so much! I appreciate your kindness!” Haruka kissed his cheek lightly, and then turned away as she blushed furiously. Brock stood immobile for a full minute as though he were an ancient statue, and then broke out into a humongous smile that looked dangerously close to breaking his face in two.

Brock finally gets some I see. Go PervertedPedophileshipping!:) I felt the Haruka joining was rather sudden but Im not complaining if it means mroe burning flesh scenes.


while bowing so lowly that thetips of her bandanna touched the blue carpet.




Ok, with that aside heres my overall thoughts. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful. As of this moment, you are officially my favorite pokemon fanfic author (not horror author) but overall (If anyone thinks they deserve this status, please PM me!) and trsut me, concidering how picky I am, thats a good position to hold.

To be honest, I felt the beginning was kind of boring and had quite a few awkward wording places but I didnt mind too much since I knew who the author was and what to expect later on. As soon as the entered the evil side of the forest, things became much much better. The tone changed completely to a very dark form, I could actually feel it being parallel with the setting (that is the ONE thing that I know about fancy writing. Using settings and tones for deeper meanings)

I am very glad you had Misty be her usual loveable self whiel still being motherly to Togepi, I dont like it when people flame her. Ash and Brock were the typical same old, but I felt Pikachu and Togepi were kinda OOC (eh, guffawing and drunken laughter dont seem to fit Togepie in my opinion) It is so hilarious how you predicted Haruka completely wrong, but this Haruka is much better than the one we see on the anime anyways.

I know Ash leaving to Pallet is going to play a huge role, yeesh, I cant believe this kid puts a stupid gym battle he could do any day before his grandparents! HIs grandparents dang it! Without them, he wouldnt even be alive! *goes to slur him more in own fic*

What else to discuss, this laboratory scene was one of the best scenes Ive ever seen written, and Im guesssing Haruka's little insanity originated here or soemthign else. I feel like a Harry Potter fan trying to deduce whats going to happen next! Ive basically covered everything (Btw, it took me 40 minutes to review this. I am so sorry of what you must go through reviewing those long whirl island chapters) so I suppose this is it!

Your blood brilliant Pattanola, keep up the good work!


*note to self. Next tiem someone wants to be your friend, throw them into a lake to make sure their not an evil fire demon.

Burnt Flower
16th August 2005, 2:43 AM
Serpent Syra: I'm a million light years times a thousand and three to reach your level - Seriously. :D Something happens to Misty's cheek in the future, but that wasn't portrayed in the banner - I tried to make it look sunken. Damn you, Paint!!!! >:O lol. And I'll add you to the PM list. ;)

buttersgirl: Okay then, I shall PM you! And Sike Saner's story is excellent (though I never managed to review it in time because it went to the Completed section ;_;). And I'll do my very best to make this fic as good as usual - though to tell you the truth I'm getting a bit nervous by all the expectations I have to meet! :p

jirachiman: Heya, thanks for stopping by! And yaaaay, you subcribed to my fic!!!! :D Though you better hang on tight because this is the least scariest chapter in the whole story, IMO, at least. And I hope anime character haters alike can give this story a chance. ;)

EC: Lol, I got pretty scared when you posted that mad smiley at the beggining of your post. I feel so relieved now. XD And yeah, the characters sucked *** in the original - well, everything did but that was the suckiest thing. :p And you receive a nice cup of flies for being one of the only people who read the original version! YAYYY! :D

IceKing: Shhh! It's supposed to be a secret! And don't you dare tell people I threw my friends' toy ponies when I was seven out the window and told them they commited suicide! ....Oh crap. :p Anyway....

Thank you! Though I think I finally know how you felt when I used to criticize every aspect of your story, I'm still very glad for the constructive criticism! :D I'll correct all my grammatical mistakes now (and BTW, my inner spellchecker has rusted a long time ago - yours is still functioning normally, I see! ;)) Oh Pikachu and Togepi I've made purposefully OOC like Haruka, because I felt Pikachu's personality needed to be a bit more tuned, and about Togepi....well, because Pokemopolis brainwashed me! :p Nah, in fact I have no idea why I made Togepi like that ROFL. About the Brock thing, tsk, tsk, tsk, you'll know what it really meant in the future, but I know you won't be dissaponited. And sorry for the wrong road cliche! :p PervertedPedophileshipping rules dammit!

And I'm your favorite Pokemon writer now? It is a great honor. *bows*

P.S: Tell me your real name NOW! lol XD

Sike Saner
16th August 2005, 3:01 AM
Thanks Sike (can I call you that?). :D

You absolutely may. :)



Just one question, do you want me to PM you guys or not?

How extraordinarily thoughtful of you. :) By all means, absolutely. I am ruthlessly busy these days; I would hate to miss out on an update due to having my mind scattered to the winds by work, and PM notification would definitely help to deter that.


And Sike Saner's story is excellent (though I never managed to review it in time because it went to the Completed section ;_;).

*blinks...bursts into insane giggles* Oh, how sweet! Thanks! :D Here, have this. *offers a pouch of chicken fetus-shaped fruit snacks*

Burnt Flower
16th August 2005, 8:50 PM
Thanks, Sike! Nothing like a a pouch of chicken fetus-shaped fruit snacks to keep my energy going! XD

Anyway, people I added a new section in the introduction bit. 'Tis my Notification List and if anyone wants to be there just PM me or post here, so don't be shy. ;)

And don't worry I don't bite...too hard! :D

Chapter Progress: Since watching ep 6 of Full Metal Alchemist, one of the most disturbing, animated things I've seen since Saikano, I have lots of inspiration!

Lily
18th August 2005, 5:55 AM
Poor Nina, yes? She reminds me of Molly, from the 3rd movie, in a way.


Wow...wow...wow...*shakes head vigorously* Okay, hang on...this is the "most boring" chapter? Good holy god in a can...what will the most exciting chapter look like?! I'm kind of scared...

rofl~ That sums up my review, basically.

But I'll extol it anyway. 8D

It's like...you have ESP to the world of horror. 8DD I read this before, as I reiterated countless times, but as I reread it, it just...;o; Gah. Your talent never ceases to amaze us all.

I'm really hesitant if thisi s a mistake or not, but


Togepi who saw his mother in such a bad mood, ...

Isn't there supposed to be a comma after Togepi? o.o; Same with this one:


didn’t pay the slightest attention to the dejected countenance of Pikachu who was still sniffing hopefully the empty, rusted can.

Same with Pikachu. I might be wrong, but it sounded a bit awkward. In fact, I probably am wrong. Wait, forget about it. @@;

You somehow manage to enlighten us all with..well..different aspects of Ash & co. than what one would normally expect. What else can I say except to post chapter 2 soon? =D!!


;172;

Kaizer
18th August 2005, 2:22 PM
PI'm really hesitant if thisi s a mistake or not, but:


Isn't there supposed to be a comma after Togepi? o.o; Same with this one:



Same with Pikachu. I might be wrong, but it sounded a bit awkward. In fact, I probably am wrong. Wait, forget about it. @@;

You somehow manage to enlighten us all with..well..different aspects of Ash & co. than what one would normally expect. What else can I say except to post chapter 2 soon? =D!!
;172;

I can answer that one lily...
There should be one after Togepi, but not after Pikachu. Putting one after Pikachu would be creating an appositive, but without that part that would be in commas, the sentence makes no sense; so no comma there.[/endenglislesson]
;245;


offtopic- Ok, I know the Dark Lugia sprite is cool and all, but ever since it's creation it HASN'T left the smilies box in the reply window. I'm getting tired of it stalking me.

Burnt Flower
19th August 2005, 2:30 AM
...Nina. *sniffles for her* ;_;

Thank you Lily!!! I'm going to fix my mistake(s); I seem to be making a lot of them lately. :P I'm very happy that you reviewed since it means a lot since it's coming from you, one of my favorite authors here. ;) I'm a bit surprised that my horror-writing skills are still a bit good, though I know I need way more practice to become a much better wiriter. :p *gives jar filled with chocolate eyeballs* *bows*

Additional thanks to you also Kaizer, since you cleared up why my mistakes were wrong and such. XD

Misty's Kyogre
19th August 2005, 2:43 AM
If I'd only been here on Sunday...
I would liek to liek, be... on teh notee list.
(I had to do that)

---
Anyway, that was absolutely fabulous. I was amazed by Haruka's description, especially the dingy-ish part. In my fanfic, I made her refined and Pegasus(yugioh)-like.
Loved it!
5/5
If that's the most boring, I'll be dead before the story is done!
---
Me wants free candy skull; I would'a been here on Sunday if I hadn't been away...
:P

Burnt Flower
19th August 2005, 9:29 PM
Oy, Misty's Kyogre thanks for the review and of course I'll add you to the PM list! :D And yeah, my Haruka is very far from ever being refined and lady-like. :p And sorry, nobody else but buttersgirl can get Free Candy Skulls because she was the first reviewer. ;) But you can have this instead *hands rotten stuffed frog* - see that isn't so bad! XP Thanks again!

Chapter Progress: Cutting down most of the crap and I'm re-writing bits. Should most likely be posted Saturday night/Sunday.

Misty's Kyogre
23rd August 2005, 1:47 AM
You're late? Waaaaaaaaaah! Not.
How long will the second two books be, do you think?

Burnt Flower
23rd August 2005, 12:31 PM
How long will the second two books be, do you think?
Well, I don't even know how long Two of a Kind is going to be. :p But calculate thirty chapters or so.

Chapter Progress: URGH! Because I wasn't on all Saturday and my brother had to use the computer on Sunday, the second chapter was majorly delayed. X_x I'm really sorry people but expect the chapter no less than next Sunday - if not, just say I truly suck. =P

Kiyohime
25th August 2005, 8:13 AM
OMG. I missed so much. o_O I can't say anything because everyone else has said them already. *huddles in corner and sulks* Would you add me to your notification list?

My favorite part was when you described the laboratory, with the embryos and the knives...that was so beautifully horrifying. <3

Burnt Flower
25th August 2005, 11:43 PM
Wow, I'm glad you read and reviewed this story Scrap, since it's from one of my fellow horror writers which means a lot. :D And of course I'll add you to the notification list! ;) Yeah the laboratory description was my favorite part in this chapter, though I know it still needs some work...

Chapter Progress: Still writing chapter 2. Unfortunately, I'm actually *GASP!* really busy this week and the next so it's going to be quite difficult to post the next chapter. I hopefully will have it by Sunday, like I promised some days ago. *kicks procrastination* ;_;

SnoringFrog
27th August 2005, 2:46 AM
This sounds like an interesting fic. I can't wait for the next chap to be posted.

BTW. Since I reviwed your fic, would you please consider reviewing mine sometime?

Blue Aurora
27th August 2005, 5:01 PM
Two words: I haven't read the other chapters (gotta sleep), but the first one was good.

Flaming Lip
27th August 2005, 5:15 PM
That was great!

Description was top notch, and dialouge was realistic. It did take me a while to get into the story though...

The humor is debatable, some of it is funny, but parts seemed a little forced... Nontheless you did a good job with it.

I will not be late to review the next chapter, PM me when you post it.

Infinite Master Sceptile
29th August 2005, 8:57 AM
This is absolutely great stuff. Since reading Sike Saner's The Origin of Storms, I've decided I really like true horror. I never thought written words could ever scare me before. I hope this gets really gruesome. Could you put me on your PM list? I really enjoyed it.

Burnt Flower
3rd September 2005, 6:40 AM
SnoringFrog: Um, thanks for the review! And I'm overloaded with review requests at the moment, sorry.... ;_;

Blue Aurora: Lol, there are no other chapters other than the first one! XD
Thank you for the review!...And it was fourteen words. :p

NiGHTS: Yes, I know it takes a while to get into the story though the original one was even worse. =P About the humor, well I wasn't much of a comedy writer but I really did try my best! Thank you so much, though! *gives bloody flan* :D

Infinite Master Sceptile: *puts in notification list* Ah yes, Sike's story is absolutely brilliant isn't it? :) And this fic will get quite bloody, if people found the first chapter horrifying be prepared! :p Thanks!!!


Chapter Progress: Okay no more excuses, the 2nd chapter is out by late Sunday!

Ryano Ra
4th September 2005, 11:32 PM
Well, while patiently waiting for the next chapter to come, perhaps the Horror Mistress shall answer my very few questions. One, will you be incorporating the anime character's Japanese names as well as their English ones, or stick to either one? Because if you do, I would need to learn the anime character's Japanese names, for I'm completely stupid when it comes to that. Two, for the trilogy, will they be having the same amount of chapters? For example, you said that this part will have 25-35 chapters, so what about the other two? And, have you planned their story titles?

Burnt Flower
8th September 2005, 2:34 AM
Ra, you don't have to learn Japanese names for the characters at all since I'm only going to use very, very few names (I also suck at knowing each character's Japanese name by the way :p). Also, Haruka is the only one who uses them; everything will be a bit clearer later on hopefully. :) Also the length for each part of the trilogy is still undecided and Two of a Kind may have even more chapters than I previously planned. Or maybe not. Nothing's definite now.


Chapter Progress: Second chapter will come out in an hour (more or less) Sorry for the looooooooong delay, people!

Jo-Jo
8th September 2005, 2:55 AM
Hi, I just stumbled across this fic and - *gasp* - it's AWESOME! Genuinely creepy and really leaves you wanting to find out what's going on, and the characters are all spot on, too. But I gather everyone else has already told you that. :D My quibble would probably be an overuse of adverbs and adjectives - the description is good but it can be a bit too dense at times. I remember one part where you wrote Misty as 'very agitated' and 'very worried' or something in the same sentence, and there was a line which said that she 'yawned sleepily'. 'Sleepily' is already implicit in 'yawning', so there's no need to put it in. But apart from that I didn't notice anything to fuss over. Kudos! :D

Burnt Flower
8th September 2005, 5:08 AM
Author's Notes: Okay people, just make believe that I posted this chapter when I promised...the first time. =P And Jo-Jo, it's an honor you read my story and I'll take your advice on the third chapter since I didn't have time to use that helpful advice with the second...;_; Thank you so much for the last minute review!

Hope this chapter is worth the wait!


Chapter 2: Flames of Hatred

Ash sprinted at break-neck speed past the poverty-stricken buildings, a dozen of dark, shabby shops, and a rock-seller who looked on the verge of passing out from lack of sleep as he hurried to get to his flight on time. Pikachu, who was clinging to his friend’s red cap desperately, was squeaking in terror the whole way as he was almost flung over the ledge of a particularly rocky cliff when Ash made a sharp right turn.

“Need a ride, buddy?” a disheveled, grumpy-looking guy asked and with a thick, grubby hand, he motioned Ash to get inside his ramshackle taxi.

“No time! Almost there… Almost there…!” Ash almost screamed out stubbornly, a manic, determined glint sparkling brightly in his eyes as he ran.

“Suit yourself, kid,” the cab driver said while shrugging, and his almost broken-down taxi turned the opposite way around.

<“Ash, I think it would’ve been a really, really good idea to get inside the cab!”> hissed Pikachu, who was now grabbing onto Ash’s ear for dear life.

“Why? We’re here already!” Ash said, abruptly stopping in his tracks which caused Pikachu to finally let go of Ash’s hearing appendage. With a shrill scream, Pikachu was hurled straight into a decrepit, mossy-looking door, the cap also flying off Ash’s head from the momentum and landing on top of the dazed Pikachu.

“YES, WE DID IT!” Ash shouted loudly, punching the air triumphantly while being utterly oblivious of Pikachu, who was suffocating under his sweat-stinking hat. A muffled ‘Pika’ was what finally caught Ash’s attention.

“Pikachu, this is no time to sleep!” Ash yelled exasperatedly, with a stupidity that would’ve earned him an electric shock from his rodent companion if he’d been able to. He took hold of the cap, and with a quick flick of his wrist, it landed right on top of his head in the same position it had been before, somehow ignoring all the laws of modern physics.

Readjusting the straps of his backpack and putting a barely conscious Pikachu beneath his sweaty armpit, he went inside the small, deteriorating building.

This airport didn’t have the usual gift shops, magazine kiosks, and snack bars (to his complete and utter disappointment) that he had expected, in fact, it didn’t look like an airport at all. The floor was made of splintered wood that hadn’t been bothered to be polished in the least and was covered in something that disturbingly resembled Miltank manure. Worn out chairs with different kinds of grease stains and were ripped open in different places where the stuffing was coming out, lined the walls. There was also a single window in the room, but it was too dusty and grimy to be able to see outside properly.

A female police officer, whose appearance was too mundane to give a second glance, was painting her nails a bright magenta. Ash was about to go through the antiquated metal detector, when the woman called him over.

“Passport?” she asked tonelessly, wrapping her bright orange bubblegum around her tongue.

“Wha…?” he mumbled, obviously having forgotten one of the most important, personal documents he could ever have.

She slowly put her nail polish down and stared at Ash with dull, bored eyes.

“I’ll let you pass this time, as you can see, I can’t do anything with my hands. Can’t ruin these perfectly painted nails, now can I?” the policewoman droned. She showed him her bitten nails, the slimy nail polish dripping down her spidery fingers and covering her blue pants with magenta spots.

He muttered a quick, off-hand ‘Thanks,’ though he tried to hide the huge relief in his voice. He went through the tumble-down metal detector and was glad not to hear any beeping noises though he was carrying a pocket full of coins. He was just about to point this out to the police officer, but Pikachu smacked the back of his head in an attempt to give him some common sense. Ash opened the door that was on the other side, rubbing his head all the while.

There, in front of his eyes was the most run-down airplane that he had ever seen; one of the wings was bent in an odd angle and the shabby rudders were oddly deformed as though someone with a metal crowbar made sure they were in their worst possible state. But the most preoccupying thing was something that was hovering over the derelict engines that looked suspiciously like smoke.

Ash hoped he could reach Pallet Town in one piece.

He was wondering what to do next when he heard a soft cough behind him, making him turn around in expectation. Ash’s and Pikachu’s mouths fell open simultaneously.

The old woman looked like a revived clown corpse that had been unburied by some unlucky gravediggers; she wore a tacky, multicolored shirt that was tucked inside some brown biker pants that seemed ready to burst out from all the accumulated fat under them. The old woman wore a thick layer of makeup that didn’t quite hide her ancient age in the least nor the cheap blonde dye that didn’t completely cover the real white hair beneath. She took another step forward, making her black combat boots gleam in the sun importantly.

“Well, what’re you waitin’ for, sonny? Get in or you’ll catch a cold!” she pushed Ash up a rickety ladder that appeared from nowhere and led to an opening in the plane he didn’t notice before. Ash groaned inwardly when he got inside - the plane was worse inside than the outside, if that was even humanly possible. Moth eaten seats that were on the verge of falling apart completely were ordered haphazardly against the wall; the grungy, broken windows were held together with transparent tape and they rattled loudly at the slightest breeze. The floor had gaping holes and at the very back, a bunch of stinky boxes, its contents hidden from view, were amassed close together. The cockpit was undeniably more spacious than the passenger area, so the old lady was sitting comfortably in her seat while Ash and Pikachu were pressed together incommodiously against one of the plane’s sides.

“Sit down, now! Don’t want you fallin’ off the plane now.” Ash nervously sat down on one of the chairs and felt a spring uncomfortably shifting underneath him.

“Flight Number 234, en route to Celadon City, now heading off. All passengers are to fasten their seat belts and dispose of their cigarettes before take-off!” the old lady screamed into her megaphone right next to Pikachu’s ear, leaving him temporarily deaf.

Wait a moment…did she say…Ash’s eyes widened in horror. Celadon City?

“Uh, excuse me, miss?” Ash said politely, trying not to panic when he felt the plane moving. “Isn’t this the flight to Pallet Town?” he asked lamely.

“Pallet Town doesn’t have an airport, sonny,” chuckled the old lady in glee. “Got on the wrong plane, eh?”

“Please, I need to go to Pallet Town! Couldn’t you make an exception?” he pleaded and his eyes grew overly large as he tried to imitate, and failed miserably, a cute puppy-dog eyed look.

She mused it over for various seconds before replying. “Well…I wanted to see Pallet Town again for a while now. That’s where –” her eyes filled up with unexpected tears.

“I had to leave Shashooka, my lovely Meowth,” she sobbed, blowing her overly large, crooked nose with the end of her yellow handkerchief. Ash patted her hand awkwardly, knowing full well the feeling of leaving a beloved Pokemon behind.

“Thank goodness I have twenty-eight other Meowths or I would’ve been so lonely!” she cackled, and swatted Ash’s hand away with her mucky handkerchief, showering him with pieces of disgusting mucus.

“Oh, how I adore those little balls of fur but the best thing is that every single one of them is so different from the other! For example, Stacie likes her milk colder than Koro and loves to play with her yarn ball for hours at times. She is so precious, but let’s not forget good ol’ Mango! He’s a quiet one, he is. He’s also the only one that likes to have second servings of the fruit-flavored cat chow – he’s got quite an appetite…”

Ash’s brown, bored eyes instantly glazed over and his thoughts were soon overwhelmed with images of bottles of warm milk and dancing Meowths.


***

Misty awoke, feeling as though a part of herself was forever broken.

Peculiarly, the first thing she felt was a faint trace of sultry smoke in the air that smelled wonderfully fragrant in her strange, unstable state of mind. Her watery, aquamarine eyes opened unwillingly though she almost immediately closed them shut again as a blazing sliver of brilliant sunlight pierced through her tranquil and pacific darkness. With a tired groan, she rubbed her exhausted eyes with a pale calloused hand, her vision clearing just enough to see the sleeping inhabitants of the peaceful room.

Her thin, cracked lips almost curved upwards in an imperceptible smile as she saw Togepi, who was making contented cooing noises all the while, happily nuzzled together with her favorite Tentacool doll; Misty unconsciously brought the slumbering baby Pokemon closer to her stuffed toy and tucked him even more securely with the sheets. Brock, who had not bothered to even get out of yesterday’s clothing, was hugging what looked like an abused pillow (the feathers were coming out at the seams) to his chest; he was mumbling incoherencies, but he would grin in a satisfied, unnerving manner when he brought the pillow close to his drowsing self.

Misty’s tired eyes opened entirely with a snap when Brock muttered a muffled ‘Haruka’ from his own bed; her drowsiness magically disappearing, Misty desperately sprinted toward the bathroom that was on one end of the room, with an urgency and speed she didn’t know she had.

Letting out a sigh of relief as she closed the thick door behind her, Misty barely inspected the bland bathroom before looking at her bedraggled image in the large, cracked mirror. Her once healthy, flushed face had now an uncanny resemblance she couldn’t deny to the cadaverous, pallid dead body that had haunted her dreams just a night ago. With a hoarse cry, she turned on the taps and splashed her sickly, colorless face in icy cold water; her head bowed lowly in what looked like a defeated stance, she shook her short mane of orange hair and stared at her beaten reflection once more. Her haunted eyes looked back at her but then her blank gaze diverted onto her orange hair; she noted absently that a lock of her hair that used to cover her aquamarine eyes was now gone. She shrugged it off and left the monotonous bathroom.

Seeing the room clearly once more, she noticed that the girl Brock got quite fond of the previous day wasn’t sleeping in her bed like the rest of them; her Torchic was also unsurprisingly absent. Misty left the room without a backward glance

Misty arrived at the sunlit lobby, expecting the overly-cheerful Nurse Joy to greet her as she passed the front desk. However, the Nurse Joy barely gave her a fleeting glance since she was so completely enraptured by the suave man who was actually making her laugh coquettishly. The man would’ve been handsome if he didn’t have that underfed, pinched look on his face that made him look incredibly thin; his shoddy long shirt and pants actually bunched around his scrawny body frame. Nurse Joy finally noticed her.

“Good morning! This is Andrew Di – Ouch!” Nurse Joy was cut off mid-sentence by a greenish mosquito who had taken a greedy bite from her smooth neck.

“Are you alright, Joy?” the man said alarmingly, and took one of her delicate hands in his, rubbing the palm soothingly. “But don’t worry, such precious beauty you possess can never be marred by such an insignificant being like that,” Andrew whispered seductively in her ear while trying to swat the mosquito away, who was annoyingly circling around his head.

Nurse Joy blushed a dark shade of deepest magenta. “He’s a poet who I know will one day become a marvelous one,” she continued, and determinedly avoided Misty’s shocked eyes.

“Your kindness knows no bounds Joy, but the truth is my true genius will never be acknowledged by anyone other than you.” Andrew gently kissed her hand that was tightly enveloped inside his larger one; Nurse Joy actually giggled.

Misty, feeling that she was just being an unwanted intruder, left the Pokemon Center as silently as she could.

It was a beautiful sunny day, though the glorious, good weather didn’t reflect in any way Misty’s current mood. A snide small voice in her head pointed out that if she merely smiled, her current depressive attitude would rapidly disappear; Misty completely ignored that bit of advice.

As she walked further off and arrived at a large clearing of green grass, she saw Haruka and her insignificant Torchic, who both looked frail and unprotected enough to topple right over by a strong gust of wind. Haruka was adoringly holding a small, faded photograph Misty couldn’t see clearly from her range of vision. Misty was just about to say hi and run over to her, when she actually felt something different in Haruka’s downcast eyes.

“…Forever leaving me behind…” Haruka was talking to the photograph in a subdued whisper, and Misty hid furtively behind a convenient, overly large rock to hear her better. Unfortunately, the wind was whipping severely all around them, but if her eyes weren’t deceiving her, it was growing stronger and swirling around Haruka’s rambling form.

When her deceptive innocent blue eyes turned into a diabolical red, the world exploded into blistering flames. It was as if hell had finally manifested itself right in front of her panicked eyes as the fire spread itself all over the blades of grass, instantly igniting them for a split-second before they were burnt away into colorless ashes. The columns of smoke rose to the clear sky, blocking the sun’s bright rays and casting all of Blackthorn in pitch-dark shadows.

Misty enlarged her Staryu’s Pokeball after several faltering attempts but she couldn’t find the strength to release her Pokemon. In her agitation, she bit her lip hard enough so a stream of her blood dripped down sickeningly inside her partly open mouth.

Please…someone help me. Anybody…just please…come, she thought, teetering on the precipice of insanity. Her silent imploration was suddenly answered as loud sirens suddenly filled the quiet air; Haruka watched the police officers and the firefighters, who were taking out their fire hoses and connecting them to nearby fire hydrants, with mild interest before entirely disregarding them.

“Come out, Kasumi! You have nothing to fear!”

Haruka clenched her hands, letting out an earsplitting laugh that was filled with uncontainable and unfathomable rage and hilarity. Her amusement soon died away as Misty still remained frozen in dread, making her incandescent red eyes narrow in barely controlled abhorrence.

“Only the weak remain hidden,” Haruka whispered threateningly, her features seemingly warping and distorting in the radiating heat of her luminous coils of power.

She stared at the sky once again as though transfixed by the smoke veiling it before placing a gentle hand on her Torchic’s head and lifting the other fair hand right into the burning flames.

“There you are.” Haruka smiled evilly as her despicable form, along with her Torchic, somehow materialized right next to the fire beside Misty; she couldn’t even open her mouth to scream.

Haruka’s eyes dimmed to her natural blue color, as she softly cupped Misty’s battered, grimy face with one gracious white-gloved hand. Haruka absentmindedly rubbed Misty’s dirty cheek, spreading the soot and ash around until her previous pallor color was now just a mere lost memory. Misty watched on in an almost paralyzed horror at her aggressor, who was calmly inspecting her own abominable, wretched inferno and the people fighting to control it with an almost detached interest.

“Won’t you say anything, Kasumi?” Haruka questioned mildly; Misty’s only response was a scared, distressed whimper. Sighing in disappointment, she stood up, wiping the dirt off her knees and surveying the chaos she unleashed with disinterest.

“Then let these people wallow in your own hypocrisy.”

Before Misty could even comprehend what she meant, Haruka rose entrancingly from her seated position and indifferently raised both of her hands in front of her. It was just barely a split-second before Misty understood completely; she tried to warn them in any way she could but Haruka’s hands had already began to glow an intense demonic red before erupting into pure, unstoppable fire. With a casual wave of her arms, the ardent flames expanded like a violent, smoldering beast at the small group of valiant firefighters that were battling uselessly against the searing blazes.

Misty was too paralyzed with absolute fear to close her terror-filled eyes. The fire callously devoured their skin and clothes away, leaving only strands of gory flesh that clung to their blood-soaked bones. Their screams were deafening howls full of intolerable pain that begged in unison for a sweet, desired end. She tried to cover her nose when the pungent, rotting smell of a dozen corpses hit her with putrefying clarity. Misty’s sweat mixed with her carmine blood that was slowly dripping down her cut lip, intermingling down her face to form a despairing concoction that was the result of her mental torture.

“Don’t worry, Kasumi. This is not over,” Haruka assured her with a manic smile that returned her red, fervent ardor back into her vindictive eyes. “Just watch.”

It started as an easily ignored giggle from far away, but as it grew into boisterous guffaws that echoed disturbingly and out of place in the silent lament that enveloped the area into its depressing claws, Misty soon paid attention. One of the fireman giggled maddeningly as he carried a large, red gasoline container, earning shocked glances from the rest of his companions. With a psychotic guffaw that made his eyes pop in a deranged manner, he sprayed the malodorous gasoline all over his startled partners in evident delirious contentment; he took out a yellow lighter from one of the pockets of his uniform with an ecstatic s****** and was just about to light it, when a loud shout rang in the air.

“He’s the bastard who did this!” one of the survivors exclaimed in a wild, high pitched voice, and soon many angry voices joined into a chorus of indignant and anguished cries of affirmation. Policemen swiftly took the half-empty container away from the fireman’s grasp, and proceeded to cuff his hands together without a word.

It wasn’t him! Misty wanted to say, but the only sound she could make was a long sob that seemed to blossom from her demented mind. She tried to reach the crazed man with a shaking, slick hand but her tears blurred her eyesight until it all became an orange endless flickering mass of undiluted color. Finally accepting her impending damnable fate, Misty willingly let her head fall to the filthy, ash-covered ground, not even caring that her face was begrimed with the impurity of the dead; she simply stared with distant eyes at the fireman as he was taken away, still laughing crazily at the blackened sky.

“I’ll have my revenge, I swear I will,” Haruka whispered softly at the wreck Misty had become, and gingerly touched her bloody bottom lip with a curious finger that soon got soaked in crimson blood; her smirk widening at the sight of her spiritless enemy, she lapped up the salty, scarlet liquid from her red finger with her wet tongue in euphoric pleasure. She wiped the excess of the blissfully sanguine fluid on Misty’s cheek before casually walking back to the Pokemon Center without any other preamble. Her silhouette along with her Torchic’s soon disappeared amongst all the obscuring, black smoke that seemed to absorb their very essence.

Misty’s miserable, despairing wails that were filled with the remnants of her crushed soul were drowned out by the roaring fire.


***

“…And Uncle Puss loves to go outside to rest in the sun! Laziest Meowth I have, but he’s the closest one to my age so we get along splendidly!”

Ash's mouth hung open as his unfocused eyes made him apparently fascinated at the old lady’s tales of the various misadventures of all her Meowths.

“He accidentally scratched her tail! Almost took out his eyes in return - Why, would you look at that! We talked so much about my Meowths that we didn’t even notice that we arrived! Guess time sure flies by when you’re having fun!” she laughed loudly, successfully snapping Ash out of the Meowth nightmare he was having.

“Well, we better land this thing right away, shall we?” she asked, flicking her fake blonde hair behind her ear.

The plane went to an abrupt nose-dive, throwing Ash to the very back of the plane where all the smelly boxes were piled; Pikachu fortunately managed to clutch the back of the old lady’s polyester chair as the ground dangerously came closer, the once bug-sized trees and houses growing alarmingly in size. Just when they thought they were done for, the old woman made an impossibly hard turn that shook the plane harshly for several long seconds before landing smoothly on the ground.

“Flight Number 234 has now landed in Pallet Town. I hope you had a comfortable and enjoyable journey!” the old lady boomed into her megaphone, causing Pikachu to lose his hearing ability for a short while once more.

“Argh!” Ash, who had crashed on top of the mysterious boxes, yelled, feeling something slimy and clammy covering him.

“Mmmm-mm! All these great Magikarp just for those lucky rascals! The finest Magikarp in Johto, freshly caught from the Dragon’s Den. Imagine, I caught them two weeks ago and they still are the best around!” she stated proudly with a toothy smile.

Ash didn’t say anything but flung one of the dead, wet Magikarp as far away from him as he could in disgust.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go outside!” she ordered, shoving Ash roughly out the door, forgetting to get the ladder out first. Luckily, Ash landed on top of a bush and Pikachu took the opportunity to daintily hop on top his head.

“Ah, there’s nothing like Pallet Town!” the old lady chortled heartily. “Well, I’ll be on my way! Don’t want to leave Shashooka waiting!” she stated contentedly, marching off in some random direction.

“Wait!” Ash called, straightening himself up and spat a piece of grass that was in his mouth; the old lady turned around.

“Um…could you bring me back later? I really need to get back to Blackthorn before nighttime tomorrow…” Ash pleaded, a picture of the sparkling eighth badge still fresh on his mind.

She scratched the white stubble that was on her chin in apparently deep thought. “Well, I suppose you can! But you have to be here tomorrow by seven ‘o clock in the morning!” she demanded and strode purposefully away from him once more.

Ash smiled once he fully saw his beautiful, peaceful hometown before his eyes. Spotting the red, plain roof of his house in the distance, he ran towards it.

He reached the door after several minutes, excited to see his grandparents after so many years. He was about to ring the doorbell, when the door flew open, almost breaking the hinges in two.

“ASH!” Three beaming people grinned madly before enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug. Ash was smothered in loving kisses, until he was able to escape from their crushing grip.

“Oh, Ash, Grandpa and I have been waiting here since midnight to see you arrive – well your grandfather actually slept throughout most of the night, but you know how he is…” his grandmother, a plump old lady with a cherubic face, said in a dismissing voice. His grandfather, a tall old man with a permanent worn and tired expression, rolled his eyes while he muttered something incomprehensible.

Grandma surveyed him up and down and then tutted disapprovingly, with an air of true regret. “Delia, the boy is just skin and bones! I do hope you have sent enough food to the poor boy in this reckless journey of his – ”

“Carmen, stop fussing. Ash is fine, aren’t you, son?” Grandpa sent a pleading glance towards Ash’s direction, when his wife wasn’t looking.

“Uh…I guess so…” Ash mumbled lowly, not too sure to what exactly he was answering.

“Hmph! Don’t you worry dear, I’ll give you all the food you can eat so you can fill up your tummy wummy!” Grandma cooed and pinched both of Ash’s dirty cheeks, causing him to wince in pain. She gave Delia a nasty glare before going to the kitchen with a huff.

Delia was grumbling under her breath, while Ash’s grandfather just shook his head in exasperation.

“And please sleep as long as you like dear, you look simply exhausted!” his grandmother said in a sing-song voice from the kitchen.

Ash ran up the stairs to his room, not needing to be told twice; Pikachu was sleeping on his shoulder, unaware that he just arrived at his best friend’s home. Ash looked at the door that was still covered in his old, half-peeled Pokemon stickers of one hundred fifty species – he made a mental note to add many more to them someday.

His room almost appeared the same except for the fact that it was immaculately clean. Ash silently took out his smelly gray socks and shoes, tossed his jacket aside without looking and laid his Pokemon League hat carefully on his night table. He slid under the warm, lightning bolt-shaped covers and sighed joyfully; he could almost smell the delicious meal that awaited him when he woke up.

Ash immediately went to sleep, his happy and peaceful dreams a stark, brutal contrast to what would be his real future.


***

Stumbling forward and blinded by her own dirty tears, Misty staggered determinedly to the Pokemon Center. Her legs wobbled tremulously and her whole face twitched in involuntarily spasms, but her worry for Brock and Togepi drove her forward even though her body asked her to just surrender to the pain.

As Misty numbly entered the automatic, sliding doors, she saw Brock anxiously pacing around the lobby and messing up his brown, spiky hair with a quivery hand while Haruka tried to placate him.

“Brock, I’m sure Misty is fine,” Haruka said reassuringly, having trouble to keep up with Brock’s nervous, long strides.

“If she isn’t, I don’t know what I’d - MISTY!” Brock’s worry-creased face noticeably relaxed once he caught sight of her.

“Misty, we’re so glad you’re alive and well,” Haruka said with enthusiastic relief in her voice, but then hastily lowered her tone when she felt Misty’s eyes on her. “Here, I made you these when you were gone. I hope you like them,” she smiled gently and presented Misty with a glorious plate stuffed with the most scrumptious-looking and appetizing muffins that she had ever seen. Haruka’s timid eyes searched for Misty’s approval as the delicious, enticing scent wafted over to her direction.

With a furious cry that came out from the most torn depths of her heart, Misty grabbed the plate from a very surprised Haruka and threw it as hard as she could to the marble floor, shattering into hundreds of pieces upon contact. Haruka stood in a stunned trance for several seconds before falling to her knees with a lost whimper. Her eye filling with pitiful tears, she held one of the now dirty muffins she made and stared at Misty with teary, perplexed eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you hated muffins so much,” Haruka sniffled, trying to hide a stray tear drop that was running down her porcelain cheek.

“Misty!” Brock shouted appalled, and he helped an overly upset Haruka to her feet. “Why did you do that?” His voice held no anger or malice, yet the profoundly intense disappointment in his tone hurt her more than if he had been screaming at her.

“That monster…” Misty whispered in a choked voice that seemed dangerously close to her breaking point; she swayed dangerously on the same spot, before her emotionless eyes caught sight of the crying Haruka. She lunged aggressively at her with a cry of pure disconsolate hatred, and if a passing Chansey didn’t take a firm hold on both of her weakened arms, she would’ve definitely attacked her. “SHE KILLED THEM ALL!” Misty screamed hysterically, her wild arms frantically trying to tear apart that cursed demon until she could feel that same depraved pain she had inflicted.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Brock grunted.

“You… don’t believe me?” Misty asked in a tiny hopeless voice, as she felt the last traces of her precious sanity slipping away before her own two defeated eyes. The Chansey loosened her tight grip once she felt Misty lose most of her will and strength.

Brock stared at her seriously, before shaking his head sadly.

“I believe this,” he said gravely and resolutely handed her a folded newspaper; she shakily grabbed it from his hands, dreading to see what it said.


The Blackthorn Post

Fire Kills 12 People and Leaves 20 injured! Criminal Caught!
At 7:15 in the morning, no one suspected that the quiet city of Blackthorn would be consumed by an immense fire that covered more than a hundred meters of land. The humongous flames that reached over fifty meters in altitude, killed twelve people and left over twenty injured. The culprit of this tragedy, Mark Stevens, was caught with a gasoline container, a box of matches and a lighter. Police arrived at 8:20 and arrested this dangerous criminal. More information on pages: A12-A18.

A large picture covered half the front page of the fireman that was consumed in Haruka’s own wretched madness, the fire acting as a dramatic background behind him.

“I know what I saw out there Brock. Haruka did it, I can swear it on anything!” she cried out furiously.

Brock shook his head sympathetically and placed a consoling hand on her frenzied form. “Misty, Haruka was here since I woke up and never left the Pokemon Center – didn’t she, Nurse Joy?” he asked.

“Of course she never left; I would’ve seen! You should be ashamed of yourself for telling such horrid lies, young lady!” Nurse Joy admonished sternly.

Brock dangled a bronze key. “Here. Take a shower, change and then come back here and eat. You’ve seen something truly horrible and traumatic…” Misty opened her mouth to protest, “…You’ll feel better after you eat and then you can apologize to Haruka after you think it over.”

Misty never wanted to hit Brock so badly as that moment but then such a bright idea occurred to her that it even illuminated her ghastly eyes; Haruka had left her yellow pouch bag at their room, and maybe inside its apparently normal exterior, there lay hidden all the answers she greatly needed.

She nodded at a stunned Brock before taking the slightly big key from his grasp; she went to a slightly deserted side of the Pokemon Center where their room was.

Opening the door, she stormed inside, searching for Haruka’s bag so intensely to fully examine her own room carefully. Her eyes lit up happily once she spotted it partially hidden under some of the bed sheets. Mentally rejoicing, she stretched her hand to the top bunk bed.

<“Don’t you even dare.”>

Haruka’s Torchic, who was now perched on the very edge of the bed, hissed malevolently with the same red glow in her eyes that her master had.


***

Ash woke up to the most heavenly and tantalizing aroma in the whole wide world.

Waffles.

He jumped out of bed rapidly and wildly searched for his jacket which was hanging crookedly on his blue chair. He took a quick glance at his Voltorb-shaped clock which was flashing a bright, bold red 10:39 AM on its electronic surface before going outside his bedroom. He almost slipped on some dirty socks in his haste to get downstairs hurriedly and he leaped the last three steps.

He opened the kitchen door…

And thought he entered paradise.

There on his kitchen table, was assorted the most delicious collection of breakfast delicacies his young eyes could ever hope to see. On a large plate were stacked about thirty waffles, and besides it was another equally high pile of toasts. But that wasn’t the greatest thing of all; blueberry, cherry, apple, lemon, and strawberry pies were organized neatly in a line and seemed to lure him in with their luscious creamy surfaces. Ash almost felt like crying out in joy.

Pikachu, who had woken up before him, was currently squirting large amounts of ketchup on a small pancake (<“This is great!”> he said between gooey bites). Grandma was humming pleasantly, and her mood brightened even more when he came in. Grandpa was reading the newspaper with a morose expression on his old face.

“Oh, there’s my Ashy! Come here and have a seat; a growing boy needs his vitamins!” Grandma chirped joyfully and handed him a slightly larger slice of apple pie than the one she gave to her cross daughter.

“Thanks!” Ash replied happily, grinning goofily and being fortunately unaware of the smug look his grandmother was sending to his irate mother.

“So how did my little boy sleep? If you’re still tired you can go back to bed, dear,” Grandma said sweetly and blocked her daughter’s hand, who had been attempting to give Ash a generous amount of buttered bagels.

In reality, Ash was still tired - rundown airplanes didn’t make good sleeping places and he slept on his bed for barely five hours or so, but he wanted to see what was on the newspaper; his grandfather was looking very grim.

“No thanks, Grandma,” Ash said politely, and was once again too ignorant to notice his mom, who was smiling superiorly at her own mother. He went over to his grandfather and being obnoxiously like himself, he nosily tried to look at what he was reading; Grandpa noticed his grandson’s meddlesome presence and with a exhausted sigh, he handed him the newspaper.

All color drained from Ash’s face by just looking at the headline; he read the rest of the article as rapidly as he could and then threw the newspaper down at the table. He grabbed Pikachu who had a worried expression on his face.

<“This is bad, Ash,”> Pikachu said solemnly, who had read the paper from Ash’s shoulder.

“I have to go,” Ash said to his family, leaving most of his breakfast untouched.

“What? Ash, you just got here!” Delia exclaimed. She read the newspaper quickly before heading towards the direction of her son.

“Mom, I have to go. My friends are in Blackthorn right now and I don’t know how they are!” he cried out in an alarmed voice. He was halfway up the stairs, when his grandmother’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Ash, can you bring the old family album? I’d like to see it again, please,” his grandmother said, saying the first excuse that popped into her mind.

Ash looked at her exasperatedly but said nothing. The sooner he gave her that photo album, the sooner he could find that old lady pilot so he could return to Blackthorn and see if his friends were all right. They had to be - he didn’t know how he’d react if something happened to either of them. He motioned Pikachu to stay downstairs with a nod.

Ash entered his mom’s room; it was a small space that had a delicate and flowery fragrance in the air since she had large pink vases filled with different, multi-colored flowers in every nook and cranny. He passed her beige bed which had a large collection of fluffy honey-colored pillows, and headed towards a vanity table where all her tiny, crystalline perfumes were ordered on top of it.

Ash barely remembered that the old family album was on the third drawer; he opened it and found its covers dusty and all its thick, maroon edges bent. He was just about to leave and shut the drawer when he noticed one of the pictures crumpled up and concealed behind one of his mother’s lacy nightgowns.

He picked it up curiously and straightened it out.

It was a picture of an elegant man who was wearing a crisp, black suit and posing in front of the camera in a refined, dignified manner.

Ash was more perplexed than usual. Who was he? His mom usually told him each and every person in every photo; she usually rambled about every relative, friend or acquaintance, telling him exactly every detail of the person she was speaking about but she most certainly never spoke about the man in the photograph. And… why was the photo in such a state in the first place?

He picked all his belongings he had forgotten from his room and went downstairs.

“Oh, there you are, sweetie. Now would you mind handing Grandma the album? You know how sentimental she is over pictures,” his mom said with a small smile.

“Sure,” he said, handing the old photo album to his grandmother, “But can you tell me who he is? You never mentioned him before.”

Delia looked confused for several seconds before her face lost all her color, and she closed her hazel eyes, looking as if she was about to faint.

“Who is he? Why are you so scared of that photo?” Ash yelled, instantly alarmed at his mother’s reaction.

“Honey…I think it’s best if you leave,” she stuttered, covering her face with her hand.

Ash gaped at her.

“Your mother’s right, dear. You don’t want to miss that plane of yours,” Grandma murmured, trying to hide his visibly shaken mother from view as she went to the kitchen; she returned with a plastic bag.

“Here’s something for the trip,” she said lowly, giving him a rather small piece of blueberry pie and didn’t even stare at him as she did so.

“Yeah – well…bye, I guess…” Ash mumbled sadly, Pikachu following indignantly, and giving them a resentful, dejected look before closing the main door reluctantly.

When all three of them were sure that Ash and Pikachu were both out of eavesdropping distance, the old couple started to feverishly argue.

“You should’ve told the boy by now!”

“He’s happy not knowing!”

“…Please stop fighting, my mind is made up; I’ll never tell him.”

Her father was just about to protest more when she cut him off.

“He’d never forgive me if I told him the whole truth. And I-I don’t know if-” Delia’s mask finally crumbled under the thought of her son’s possible reaction, and wept freely on her mother’s shoulder, who was calming her down by rubbing her back.

Her crying subsided abruptly. “Mr. Mime, could you please come here? I need you to do something for me.” Mr. Mime, who had been cleaning all the house and was wearing his usual green apron, walked over to her cheerfully.

<“Yeah?”> he questioned animatedly.

“Please light the fire for me.”

“Delia…please be reasonable -”

She ignored her father.

Delia stared through red-rimmed eyes at the only occupant in the photo with utmost loathing before forever ripping its rumpled, glossy surface; her resolution replaced the sadness in her eyes each time she fiercely shredded the photograph into even smaller pieces. She threw it all at the fireplace that Mr. Mime had finally lit while he cowered at her irate expression.

As the three somberly stared at the fire that was consuming the reminders of the past, Delia clung desperately to one last stray thought.

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.


*****

Sike Saner
8th September 2005, 7:06 PM
Oh, yes, that was more than worth the wait. Most delectable. Highlights:


He took hold of the cap, and with a quick flick of his wrist, it landed right on top of his head in the same position it had been before, somehow ignoring all the laws of modern physics.

That made me laugh. "Somehow ignoring all the laws of modern physics" - I love that.


Before Misty could even comprehend what she meant, Haruka rose entrancingly from her seated position and indifferently raised both of her hands in front of her. It was just a barely a split-second before Misty understood completely; she tried to warn them in any way she could but Haruka’s hands had already began to glow an intense demoniac red before erupting into pure, unstoppable fire. With a casual wave of her arms, the ardent flames expanded like a violent, smoldering beast at the small group of valiant firefighters that were battling uselessly against the searing blazes.

Misty was too paralyzed with absolute fear to close her terror-filled eyes. The fire callously devoured their skin and clothes away, leaving only strands of gory flesh that clung to their blood-soaked bones. Their screams were deafening howls full of intolerable pain that begged in unison for a sweet, desired end. She tried to cover her nose when the pungent, rotting smell of a dozen corpses hit her with putrefying clarity. Misty’s sweat mixed with her carmine blood that was slowly dripping down her cut lip, intermingling down her face to form a despairing concoction that was the result of her mental torture.

Huzzah! *grins derangedly* Simply delicious description, with a happymaking level of gory goodness. Yes, I said happymaking! *giggles unwholesomely* That's the great thing about pyrokinesis: The things it does to flesh can look so very nice in print...

Yes, I like Haruka. She's fun.


begrimed with the impurity of the dead

I had to single out that phrase. I just adore it, it's so lyrically morbid.

Ew, though, that nasty old pilot lady just made me cringe. *laughs* Especially when she inflicted that vile booger-rag on Ash. Bleahhh...Hah, yeah. Talk all you want about dripping blood, disemboweled corpses, writhing maggots, anything of that nature...and it's some old bat's nasty snot-rag that finally gets to me. Go figure...*laughs again*

Misty's Kyogre
8th September 2005, 10:32 PM
Now you post it, now that I have homework! ><
Well, I've gotta type my culture outline, but I'll read the rest when I get back...

Kaizer
8th September 2005, 10:34 PM
Stacie likes her milk colder that Koro
That should be than.


began to glow an intense demoniac red before erupting into pure,
It's spelled demonic


I have, but he’s the closest one my age so we get along splendidly!”
It would sound better with a "to" after my.

Now, for the real review....
It was good. It was very, very, very good. So morbid and I could actually see the firefighters turning to ash. I love how Misty is already starting to fall apart. And mostly, I love the grim foreshadowing and the chaos, pain, and suffering I've seen so far.
Chapter two was simply brilliant and I look forward to three whenever you can get it done.
;245;

Burnt Flower
8th September 2005, 10:39 PM
Sike Saner: Yay, a review! Thank you, Sike!!!! *throws confetti in the air* XD

I love it when people post out the good in my chapters since it actually makes me feel as if I'm doing something right. :p My favorite scene was where Haruka burned everybody/ the clearing scene since I love describing all the horrific aspects about it and since it has some important things in there. I'm quite fond of the old lady, though it's only because she's so fun to write about; she's just so wickedly disgusting it's kinda funny. ;3

And I <3 Haruka. XP

*gives chopped fish heads*

Misty's Kyogre: Don't worry, lots of people are busy nowadays so I'll just wait patiently. =)

kaizer63: Lol, I didn't notice you guys posting until I actually checked my thread again. :P

Well, thank you for correcting my mistakes (I'll go fix them soon) though demoniac actually appeared in my dictionary. O.O; I'll go change it though, since some people complained about it! XD I liked the second chapter a lot because of that particular scene too, and I could actually visualize what happened when I was writing. And pity Misty - really, really, really pity her... Thanks for reviewing though!!!! *gives chocolate worm shake*


Chapter Progress: Just rereading some parts of Chapter 3, but I just hate this next chapter so much. x_x I want to get to Chapter 4 as fast as I can.....

Ryano Ra
8th September 2005, 10:47 PM
;__; I don't know where you obtained such fantastic skills in writing, but this chapter displayed your great abilities. I'm starting to become fond and envious of Haruka, she's so powerful and wonderful. I'm starting to feel so sorry for Misty, she seemed to regular until she encountered Haruka. Misty must be probably experiencing torture in the future. Anyways, the flaming scene was spectacular, I could perfectly visualize it and feel the magnificent pain crawl up my skin. Outstanding job.

Flaming Lip
9th September 2005, 12:18 AM
Magnificant. Really.

The fire scene was so incredibly emotional, I could perfectly imagine the scene unfolding, with the delicious chaos unfolding.

My pet peeve is that, Misty, is losing her sanity quickly, perhaps to much so.

Anyway, I have a few guesses, does Hakura have some sort of alter ego? Is she possesed? Or... does she have a clone? (I haven't read the orignal so I don't know, but I have a hunch that I hit the nail on the head with that last one)

Burnt Flower
9th September 2005, 1:25 AM
Serpent Syra: Heya Ra! Thanks for reviewing! Haruka is one of my favorite characters that I created (well, at least I created her personality :p) Misty still has some horrible things to experience in the future, though she's fefinitely not the only one. And yeah, one of the reasons I expanded so much on their normal personality on the first chapter was to compare how they change over time. *hands a maggot cookie submerged in green vomit*

NiGHTS: Yeah, there was a great change of my Misty in this version with my Misty in the old version; in the first version, she remained totally normal throughout the whole thing just a bit overly mad. But she completely forgot about the traumatic things she saw and that seemed a bit unrealistic. I think I should've toned down how rapidly she's losing her sanity a bit, though she's just seen many people die.

Hehe, so I finally have some speculation from my readers!!! :D All those guesses were actually quite good, though I can't say anything with only 2 chapters up. However, the mystery might not seem what it really is...*shuts up and hands him a yoghurt-covered organ* ;)

Thanks!



Chapter Progress: Not doing much to Chapter 3 though I know I must (how I hate that next chapter... x_x) I have the whole week off next week so I'll probably make a lot of progress.

Flaming Lip
9th September 2005, 1:44 AM
Well, I think I can saftly say, the lab has some conection with the ebil Hakura thing, otherwise the entire lab scene in the first Chapter would be lacking in point (unless I am missing somethin). I wonder, what the other parts of the the trilogy will be about...

jirachiman876
9th September 2005, 3:56 AM
Finally I get to this. I had to endure band practice and the imenent threat of my dad killing me if he knew I haven't even started my hw yet. Anyway great chappie Love the Haruka scene. For a wierd reason I'm playing my ruby over again for the third time and decided to finally be May and now I'm regretting the desicion. I can't see her acting so demonic. Anyway I found no mistakes. You are alos the grammar mistress so I know why. I did have two things I want to point out though.

with a cherubic face

Are you sure you don't go to my school??? Cherubic is a word in our vocab in my synergy lit class.

was currently squirting large amounts of ketchup on a small pancake

How can you not put in Pikachu's obsession over ketchup. Great episode and great insert here.
jirachiman out ;385;

Burnt Flower
9th September 2005, 1:00 PM
NiGHTS: Yes, indeed the laboratory is an important part of the storyline. :) And the other parts of the trilogy...well, I can't say it now in fear of completely ruining the story, but it's going to be quite cool. :p

jirachiman876: I hope you didn't get in trouble just for reviewing my story... And if you can't picture Haruka as a demonic person, well the rest of the story is going to be a bit difficult for you... ;_; Thanks for reviewing! *gives rotten eyeball*

And yeah I go to your school; I'm actually three seats behind you. ;D *sly wink*

XD


Chapter Progress: Just tweaking a bit of the first part. Chapter 3 is actually the longest chapter I've ever written in its original form (with 23 pages) but since it's 90% crap, it's going to be much shorter. :3

Elemental Charizam
9th September 2005, 8:05 PM
Wow, this changed a lot. Haruka knows Misty knows she's evil... lucky Misty didn't eat those muffins, if you know what I mean X_X

That was a great chappie, you're a good comedy writer as well as a horror writer, though of course the highlight was the blaze. I've always loved that scene; it's dramatic, emotional and I think you captured Misty's reaction better this time. The only fault I found was that you repeated words occasionally, though I'm not sure I should mention it as I didn't notice on the first read :D

Certainly worth the wait - but don't change demoniac... its an awesome word (even if I didn't know it before :p ). I can't actually remember three very well, but I *THINK* it was asome. The end bit at least...

Burnt Flower
10th September 2005, 1:00 AM
Elemental Charizam: Thank you for reviewing!!! I repeated fire and flames a couple of times in that scene, but I tried really, really hard not to repeat words...

That was a great chappie, you're a good comedy writer as well as a horror writer
T-that was one of the biggest praises I've ever received. ;_; *cries tears of joy*

...Even though I know it's not true. :p

And sorry, EC, I already changed demoniac... >_<

And I was actually quite surprised you didn't mention a single thing about the Meowths or the old lady. o.o!

Chapter 3 is the chapter I least like, so I forgot about it too, don't worry. ;D

*gives one of Haruka's muffins*

Lily
10th September 2005, 1:21 AM
T-that was one of the biggest praises I've ever received. ;_; *cries tears of joy*

Oh YEAH?!?!!11 You're the best freakin' horror/comedy writer to EXIST.

How's that for a praise?!

IAdgiagciqcbfh8i4wbhiheutfhseiuf

Sorry.

Overwhelmed. Overdid it, actually.

Anyway-

As usual, I am stupefied...I know I read it already, but either way, it's like..better, I guess. I can't review for my life. My apologies. So, what else can I say? Great vocab. Great plot, and I absolutely loved the characterization. Especially Haruka, 'cause evil Haruka rules. Also Kasumi, plainly because you showed her so...er..nicely in your banner. 8)


;172;

Misty's Kyogre
10th September 2005, 2:32 AM
Woot! Now that I've read it, I can do a proper review!
Hmmm... much different than the first version... Yes, the Meowth lady's good...
5/5 *****...
Well, that part where Haruka pretends she's innocent, that makes me want to pull my hair out. (that's a good thing)

So, great job again and

Blue Aurora
10th September 2005, 3:36 AM
[QUOTE=Burnt Flower]Blue Aurora: Lol, there are no other chapters other than the first one! XDQUOTE]
That's because I was tired and confused.

Elemental Charizam
10th September 2005, 9:40 PM
Well, I didn't want to make it sound like that was my favourite bit like I did last time ;p ;) Gotta love those Meowth jokes though XD And you are a great comedy writer, even if my praise was smaller than Lily's... ;_;

*eats muffin* Mmmm,, tastes like charcoal, or maybe griddled flesh, it's hard to be sure.

Ryano Ra
11th September 2005, 12:30 AM
Peculiarly, the first thing she felt was a faint trace of sultry smoke in the air that smelled wonderfully fragrant in her strange, unstable state of mind. Her watery, aquamarine eyes opened unwillingly though she almost immediately closed them shut again as a blazing sliver of brilliant sunlight pierced through her tranquil and pacific darkness. With a tired groan, she rubbed her exhausted eyes with a pale calloused hand, her vision clearing just enough to see the sleeping inhabitants of the peaceful room.This was particularly one of my favorites bits of description. That was so clear and so wonderful to image from Misty, I felt like I was actually there, standing next to her and witnessing the same thing. Again, magnificent job. You're turning the common journey friends into a frightening tale, especially with what you have done to Haruka. I can't even refer to her as 'May' anymore, because the name Haruka seems to twinkle in the twilight of darkness and malevolence.

SnoringFrog
13th September 2005, 11:47 PM
Wow, that last chapter was great. I need to try and write more like this, vocabularywise. This is one of the best things I've ever read.

Burnt Flower
14th September 2005, 12:43 AM
LilyPichu:
Oh YEAH?!?!!11 You're the best freakin' horror/comedy writer to EXIST.

How's that for a praise?!

ROTFL. That made my day. XD

And you're definitely NOT a bad reviewer - I repeat, not a bad reviewer!!!! Yeah, there was enough change so the people who read this won't find as if they're reading the same thing again (at least hopefully). And yes, my Haruka is one of my favorite characters that I er, sorta created. Thanks for the review!!!

*gives caramel-covered hamster* XP

Misty's Kyogre: Ah, yes, it's quite different from the original version and you're officially the third person in SPPF who've read/skimmed the original version!!! :D *gives golden worm-infested nugget*

Blue Aurora: Yeah, I know you were a bit tired about it, though now there's a second chapter. =P Thanks for popping in!

ElementalCharizam: lol, yeah but I still scratched my head in confusion when you didn't ramble on and on about those Meowths, though you know the old lady will appear later on. ;)

*takes away EC's muffin and gives jar of rats* You know that thing is not good for your health. ;D

Serpent Syra: I liked that bit of description too, even though nothing remotely exciting was happening, it came out quite well so I'm a teensy bit proud. :p Never thought about this story as a journey friends type of thing (I always thought the beginning of it as a deceiving common anime scenario) - hmm, something to ponder on. :3 Yeah, I also can't name 'Haruka' May for plot reasons and because my May/Haruka is completely different to the one in the anime. *gives the usual maggot cookie*

SnoringFrog: Whoa, this was an unexpected review. o.o! But I'm really grateful for that great compliment. :3 And yeah, I liked writing the 2nd chapter, t'was one of my faves.

Thanks!!!! =D *gives Absol meat*


Chapter Progress: Since I have the whole week off *gives satisfied smile* hopefully the third chapter will be out this Sunday. *crosses fingers*

Kiyohime
14th September 2005, 2:31 AM
Buaaaa-hahahahahahaha! Cat ladies, explosive infernos, and hats that defy the laws of physics. I like this chapter. :D You've got me quite intrigued now, with that tasty bit at the end. o.o;; I'm sorry for being so late...I don't really have a excuse, except for "I had work." :P *hides behind a pebble*

This is really spurring me to increase my work on Sin...all those stories here make me want to jump in. ;_;

Keep up the wonderful writing, fellow horror fan. ^.^

Burnt Flower
15th September 2005, 2:57 AM
Scrap: Yeah I liked writing this chapter too (which is more that I can say for the third chapter...) And hooray! You're the only one who commented on the last bit, which is actually quite important! :D And don't worry about being late, I usually procrastinate my reviews for weeks. *hangs head in shame*

I want to read Sin when it comes out! *cracks whip at Scrap to hurry* :3

Thanks for the review!

*bows and gives a rat's tail*


Chapter Progress: All these review requests are really pulling me down (though I will complete them). x_x I haven't done too much other than change some words around, but I still hope that the chapter will come out this Sunday. ;3

IceKing
17th September 2005, 10:15 PM
PATTONALA!!!!! I finally read chapter two and here are my comments.

Overall, this was a pretty good chapter and its a major turn for Misty since she learned Harukas secret. I was expectign it later since your preview was from chapter 6. How many fire scenes are we gonna see anyway? Pattonala....are you a pyromaniac????

Anyways, Ill talk about what I felt abotu the fic from scene to scene. Alright, so the fic started off with Ash rushign to the airport. I dont remember an urgency for him to get there in chapter 1 but that doesnt matter. I coudl picture the city pretty well (is it supposed to be somewhat like New York City?) but it has no resemblance to the way I picture Blackthorn and other anime cities that I know of. Not a problem, poetic liscence I suppose. You defintely portrayed the feeling of hecticness (sp?) and rushing very well.

I was a bit confused with the airport though. I coudl tell it was very run down but wasnt sure how large it was, and small airports arent really fitting with the image of the city im imagining. Also, where does the door lead? It was kinda vague. I really <3ed the ugly guard and ugly pilot. They were described well and had good personalities (especially the pilot with her whole meowths stories, that was just plain hilarious). The plane was also a really good description, you'd think Mrs. Ketchum would want her son to have at least a 75% chance of getting to her alive tho...

Then came the misty's awakening scene, that scene was just written very beautifully.I thought she would take Togepi with her though. It was interesting to see Andrew's introduction (assumign he does return, or else that scene was kidna pointless) as an anorexic flirtatious guy, as I told you before, he really really reminds me of Norman... Chansey coudl have been used in this scene for soem comic relief, but the mosquito works too.


Then came the most infamous scene in this chapter, the burning scene. I think you should have built up with more peaceful tranquil scenes before Haruka went all fire demon on us, it was kind of sudden. You showed Mistys trepidation adn fear very well, I was wondering why she didnt run when the field caught on fire but realized how her fear was paralyzing her. The firemen got there pretty quickly, I guess they must have drills or something. Again, you show Haruka as the demonic psychopathic ***** she really is as she talks to Misty and makes the fire erupt and kill all those people.

One of the most important things abotu that scene I suppose is how all teh action happened in the background, while the main focus is Mistys fear. What I really didnt understand is what was up with that firefighter, did Haruka control him or what? It was rather daring how Haruka just walked away like that, knowing Misty saw everything. Makes you realyl wonder why Haruka hates MIsty so much, perhaps HARUKA IS REALLY MISTYS EVIL FRATERNAL TWIN! Either that, or misty is really a giant hot dog in disguise.


So the next scene was Ash meeting his grandparents. I thought sometimes it was a little emotionless and at other times it was good. Did his grandfather even say anything to him? It was kind of weird how they immediately told him to go to sleep without even having a proper welcome back. Then again, I almost immediately went to sleep when I went to see my grandparents too... Grandma Ketchum is definetely very grandmaish but I wanted to see more from Grandpa

Next scene, Misty goes back after everything that happened. Newspapers came out rather quickly wouldnt you say. How long was the fire and Mistys return apart? Mistys shock adn rage both came into great play as she nearly attacked Haruka (though I thought it would be funny if it did happen) and Brock is clearly under Harukas spell, probably going to be important later on. Wonder if that waste had anything to do with it... I loved the Haruka beign there and everyone thinkign Misty was crazy, that scene is so common in movies and it makes you feel so mad, forgetting that obviously the peopel will eventualyl realize that shes not crazy. Now what is in that bag....

Next thign I only have one major thing to say:WAFFLES! I am so exhausted by now so im just gonna say that this part was ok with Ashs reaction, but why did Grandma suddenly go "get me the photo album" when he said he had to leave. This guy is so selfish, he could have just called his friends who he sees every day but nooo, he chooses to ditch his grandparents who he barely got too see for ten minutes. The guy in the suit is OBVIOUSLY Ash's dad, but Im wondering how hell come to play. Perhaps he brings Misty back to life?


EDIT: HAHA! I HAVE THE LOGNEST REVIEW! I PAWN YALL!

Elemental Charizam
17th September 2005, 10:50 PM
Yah, but mine has better grammar and spelling, so... yeah... Also, Ash was in a rush to get to the airport, it must just be your reviewing brain going rusty! *shot*

Okay, about the Meowth, I noticed that changed a bit too. No mention of the caves, or of evoloution, but I guess that'll happen in chapter three. Though it felt like Meowth scenes were shortened, the description of the rotting fish was sweeter ^_^ The comedic genius of Ash being shown the equivilent of baby pictures was pretty hillarious, especially when he spaced out as she described them all XD I <3 that this lady is a permanent character...

See what you made me do? ;)

indigestible_wad
17th September 2005, 11:41 PM
Well I was bored so I decided to read this. No offence.

Simply amazing. It was hard for me to take my eyes off it. I might suggest to the reviewers to listen to music while reading. Flawless description and wording. There were a few instances where I thought you might have said something wrong, but a quick look over it again brought it back into contrast. Other than that, the story and description is very simple.

On to characters. You have done an excelent job on the characterization. They just seem a little bit oh what's the word, exagerated. The fact that ash is too sleepy and pikachu always seems to be sweatdroping. I will guess that this takes place before the jhoto leaugue and that Haruka is there by some freak accident in the time-space continuum. I will guess that that boy who gave them directions is max.


And it's fine if you don't add me to the contact list. I'll most likely find it regardless. If you feel that you should notify me then by all means do so, but if it's not in your best interest or takes too much time then don't. I can usually find things myself.

billy5772
28th September 2005, 10:46 PM
Sorry my review is so late. And sorry that it's half done. I couldn't wait to reply, though! Billy wants in on the Horror-Fest! I really like this fic. I mean, really like this fic.

I finished chapter one and a lot of the stuff caught me off-guard. I guess I'm just not used to seeing blood/gore/graphic stuff in fics. Definitely living up to your title so far, Horror Mistress:), and this is only the first chapter (that I've read)!!

I did find some mistakeos, though:


Ash smiled delightedly, bits of chocolate rolling down his chin and laid down on the green spongy grass.

Here, it’s unclear at first that Ash is the one who “laid”. Maybe a reorganization of this sentence? ‘cause, as it is, it seems that the chocolate is rolling down his chin and then laying down on the grass. In fact, I almost called you on parallelism when I first read the line up to that point.


Misty took a furious step forward and Brock backed away in reflex. “I’ll tell you exactly what! ‘Stick together, guys, it’s freezing cold here,’ that’s the worst plan you’ve ever come up with! I barely got any sleep…” Misty yawned sleepily to state her point, and closed her eyes momentarily. Brock, seeing that the immediate danger was over for now, went over to Ash, who was sitting cross-legged on the springy grass with a very strange grimace on his face.

The setting seems to change rather abruptly. First there’s emphasis put on how cold it is in the ice cave and then all of a sudden, Ash is sitting on “springy grass” and eating a chocolate bar that had been melted by the sun. A transition explaining that they walked out of the cave (I’m assuming) is in order.

Overall the transition from setting to setting was pretty abrupt. You don’t put anything in there about where Misty dragged Ash and Brock to before she saw the boy from which she thought she could acquire directions to Blackthorne. Everything from the beginning scene on to this point seems like actions just happening in a void somewhere.


the boy stumbled around and stepped on his own glasses, cracking it in the middle.

Cracking “them”. If you had said “The boy stumbled around and stepped on his own pair of glasses, cracking it in the middle.” It would’ve been okay. ‘cause then it’s:

Stepped on the pair, cracking it

And not

Stepped on the glasses, cracking it.


Misty asked cautiously, very aware that the boy was still mourning the loss of his glasses.

That was pretty funny: Being tactful because someone is mourning the loss of their glasses. XD


The kid and Brock’s eyes met and they were soon discussing directions avidly, and looked like a pair of

I think this is a mistake. It struck me as odd, anyway. I’m not sure if I’m right, though. Seems like it should be discussing…looking, but I don’t know.


<“Sometimes, I think they never pay me any attention,”> Pikachu complained, who was still in the same exact position that he had been before they met the boy.

Hahahahaha, that was funny.


“See here? You have to make a right turn on a peculiar mountain formation that looks like a Dugtrio, until you reach some irregular trees. Keep going straight on that particular road and make a left swerve.” The kid said to Brock,

I’m not sure why the comma after “Dugtrio” needs to be there. Also, there should be a comma instead of a period after swerve,” and thus, “The” shouldn’t be capitalized.


and was very horrified to hear that that type of things had been probably happening near them.


Ash exclaimed, who had woken coincidentally at the same time the boy left, but he didn’t even give him a backward glance.

Just seems like you should replace the last “he” with “the boy” because the antecedent is a little unclear as you have it now.

I love how you describe togepi’s laughing, though. Crackling like a maniac and such. You got a smile out of me with that.

You said “nebulous darkness” at one point…I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem like the best word to use to describe darkness. Nebulous is all hazy and unclear, though, so I can see what you mean. Ah, whatever.


And there, in the middle of the clearing, stood a crumbling deteriorating structure that was surrounded by a cheap broken wire, and seemed to only remain upright and whole only by sheer will power.


The last thing Brock saw before fainting was his own warm vomit.

OMG at that scene! Horror mistress! The whole him falling into the acid seemed like a comic thing at first, but then it turned out to have the effects it should’ve. Gross! Anyway, with this line; you say he “saw” his own “warm” vomit. Maybe you should have matched the vomit description with the sense that he was using. Like, “his own yellow vomit” since he couldn’t actually see warm.


their howling pleads for mercy

shouldn’t it be “pleas”?

Some of the sentences overall just flow very awkwardly. Like, they make you feel like you’re reading a run-on. i.e.


There was even more broken glass here that glowed a brilliant white because of a single moonlight beam that peeked from a boarded window.


After running for an unknown amount of time, the grim trees weren’t so close together and lessened considerably though the trunks were all bended in an obedient, bowed position as though they worshipped the nearby clearing.


She didn’t know what made her do it, but she dipped her hands to the very murky bottom and was relieved that the liquid wasn’t harmful.

Ah! Really? She’s in some kind of abandoned lab with glowing liquids and cross-bone warning signs and she sticks her hand into the liquid!? Ah!


in five neat rows, though there one picture standing prominently alone and above the rest of them.

maybe you meant “though there was”?


Brock eyes grew large with incredulity

Brock’s


It was surrounded by all sides by grandiose, colossal mountains that

Maybe change the first “by” to “on”.


I have nowhere else to go…” she trailed off, her big blue eyes filling with tears and then wiped them hastily when she thought no one was looking.

this part sounds incorrect. Maybe a comma between “tears” and “and”

There were a few others, but they were of the same order as the aforementioned.

Keep up the great work with the story! I can't wait to read 2 & 3!

Ari Rockefeller
6th October 2005, 9:08 AM
Looks pretty cool. Let me know when you update this again.

Burnt Flower
23rd October 2005, 6:47 PM
I think it's time I stopped ignoring my own story. ^^;

IceKing: FENITTTT, I loved your review!!!!! =D Yeah, this is one of my chapters I liked to write the most; it has some important parts and there were some subtle hints that almost nobody caught. =) How many fire scenes are there gonna be? Hmm, tough question since I've only gotten up to chapter 7, but I think there'll be more than four main fire scenes in the first part. It's all a guess though. Like EC said, I mentioned at the end of chapter 1 that Ash was hurrying to get to the airport on time. =P


(is it supposed to be somewhat like New York City?)
Actually, it's supposed to be the opposite. XP When I first played my Silver game, and entered Blackthorn for the first time, I noticed that it looked like a small, decrepit-looking, unremarkable city that the rest of the world ignores. I based Blackthorn on where I live; it's a tiny city, we're surrounded by mountains on all sides, and it looks extremely run-down. I will work on redoing the airport scene so it's a bit clearer, don't worry.

The old pilot will be making some more reappearances. ;) And congrats on being so perceptive - you're the only one who mentioned Andrew! :) And yeah, I need to give the Chanseys some screentime. =P

Yup, in the original version, Misty wanders a lot more in the peacefulness of Blackthorn before noticing Haruka, but it was just so bland and boring that I decided to cut most of it out - Guess it was a bad decision... The firefighter's fate actually will play a big part on the story and will be revealed in later chapters what exactly happened to him. And Haruka is a very fun character to write about. <3

And how did you know Misty was a hot dog in disguise??!! :O You ruined the whole plot!!! XD

The whole Misty attacking Haruka was another scene that completely changed from the original - she originally used Staryu to soak everyone. XP The bag is also important since its contents, or the lack of it, will be mentioned later on...

Yeah, I know what you mean about the whole grandparent's scene; it was actually the part I liked to write the least, and I guess it shows... *laughs nervously* Well, in the chapter, grandma asks Ash to get the photo album as a desperate excuse for him to stay longer, but it produces the opposite effect on her. :p

And for that last thing, let's just say it was a really good guess but it's still wrong in some ways. ;P

Thank you for writing the longest review!!! :D *gives chocolate gold star*

Elemental Charizam: Don't worry EC, that's all in the third chapter like you said. ;3 I didn't even know I changed the description of the rotting fish. XP Up till now, the old lady appears in two future chapters, so it's all good. XD

*gives burning flesh sandwich* o.o

Indigestable Wad: No offense taken. XD I was constantly hearing music while I wrote this, so it might help people to listen to some music when you guys read fanfics. ;)

Other than that, the story and description is very simple.
Actually, the plot is going to get a lot more complex, with lots of surprises on the way. Can't say anything positive about my description though. :P

Heh, I know I was overdoing it a bit, though they'll change by the end of the story. Getting the personalities of the canon characters right was harder than I thought. o_o;

Time-space continuum? Hmm, incredibly interesting theory. Could you elaborate more on that? =)

Actually, it's no problem at all to PM the people on the notification list. I just think they're secretly annoyed when I PM them. :p It's entirely your call if you want to be on the notification list or not.

Thanks for the review, I_W!!! =3 *gives chewed-up gum*

Billy: Whoa, lots of errors! O_O I guess my inner grammar detector is officially broken. ;P I really have no objections on any of the errors you pointed out to me, I completely agreed with almost everything and I'm editing the first chapter as I write this.

The first chapter should die, simple as that. X_x I disliked it, but now I completely hate it. I think a total rewrite is in order...again. I was aware of the sudden scene changes, but now it just makes me want to close the thread and start over. ^^; Too many errors for my liking and maybe I should concentrate on writing one-shots for the moment instead of continuing with my most important work. Well, at least until my skills get better. Just a thought, though.

And I'm not doing a good work - at all. *dies*

Thank you for the great review, Billy! =D I really needed a reality check. ^^;

*gives worm pie*

Ari Rockefeller: Okay, I shall add you to the notification list. Thanks for stopping by!



Chapter Progress: Sorry for the extremely long delay!!! ;-; Expect the third chapter next Sunday... hopefully. x_x

Woohoo! Over 2000 views. :3

indigestible_wad
23rd October 2005, 11:18 PM
No, don't stop! THis is a really great story. Feel free to edit the story though. Plenty of writers eften change their story around when they've already started and just inform their readers of the changes.

What I mean is that you either changed the storyline of the anime (which obviously you did), or you had haruka come back in time. But I'm getting to tehnical with all that and people change the storyline all the time. I guess it's not that big of a deal.

And, yes, gum...

Burnt Flower
26th October 2005, 11:27 PM
Nope, I've decided I won't stop just yet because it would've been a personal let-down for myself as a writer. However, I'm still concentrating on writing a particular one-shot, so I can improve my writing skills at the same time. Fixed all the mistakes Billy pointed out, though it'll take me a much longer time to make subtler scene changes.

Oh, and another thing:

Haruka hasn't come back in time.

...And that's all I'm saying. ;)

*gives blueberry flavored goop* XD


Chapter Progress: ...I do hope you guys will find the third chapter somewhat decent because this thing is taking me ages. x_x Hopefully it'll be out by Sunday.

intergalactic platypus
23rd November 2005, 1:10 AM
WOW! sorry ive been gone for so long, but now that im back im SO happy this stories still up cause its amazing. you and sike saner are honestly like my second favorite horror writers ever (sorry for second but im a stephen king fangirl). i love horror, and since so much of it is utter crap im so glad to see authors like you who actually know how to write. plus ash and the old lady was very very funny, with the meowths. good to have some comic relief. im looking forward to seeing what happens when misty discovers harukas secrets, and what haruka *really* is. and of course what misty really is too. so much to unfold. keep it up! *prances off to read sikes fic*

EagleFox
30th November 2005, 2:40 AM
Hm... I remember this story from Fanfiction.net. I always wondered what the picture that Haruka was holding was and still am wondering.

Chibi Pika
3rd December 2005, 9:12 PM
*Flies into thread on giant mystic Lugia plushy* Make way for Teh Chibi who is actually reviewing something other than a one-shot (teh gasp)
Silverwing;249;: *Rolls Eyes* Oi...and lemme ask why you're reviewing this when you still have five fics left to read that were requested in MARCH.
Because I'm helping judge in teh awards and this was nominated, that's why.

*Cough* oookay, momentary psychotic moment aside. ^^;;;;;;

Yipe! I have to make this short, my parents just got home!!! oO; Grr...so much to say, so little time...Needless to say, your description continues to captivate me. I loved the lab scene and the super-deadly fire death :D I've got tons of plot theories floating around, a lot of them similar to things that have already been said. Haruka really stands out to me, as well as the whole lab concept, particularly what significance it could have.

Bleh, I gotta go...>>

*Pulls out stamp* This thread hath been Chibified! *Flies away fast.*

~Chibi~;249;<?>;rukario;

Burnt Flower
28th February 2006, 12:23 AM
Okay, that's it! No more procrastination, ignoring my only multi-chaptered story and almost having my thread deleted due to inactivity! >=(

Now to answer my awesome reviewers:

intergalactic platypus: Don't worry, being considered second to Stephen King is one hell of a compliment. XD And yes, my twinneh is a literary genius. ^^ Heh, I'm glad more people found the Meowth scenes amusing, since my humor needs a looooot of work. :P Oh you'll see about Haruka's secret a lot sooner than most people think (hopefully). Thank you for that lovely review! *hands her a platypus-shaped cake*

EagleFox: Yes, I remember you from FF.net. ;) You'll discover that in Chapter 7. Hope you'll continue reading the revised version! *gives tail of hippogriff*

Chibi Pika: Hey Chibi! Glad to see you again. :3 Yeah those two scenes were also my favorite and I had lots of fun describing them. And Haruka is indeed my favorite character. I reaaaaaally need to review The Legendarian Chronicles someday. >3 Thanks for stopping by! *gives Lugia-shaped cookie*

Chapter Update: STUPID LAZINESS RUINS EVERYTHING! SOMEONE STAB ME WITH A RUSTY SPOON NOW!!! Argh, chapter 3 WILL come soon (to the few that still care for this story)....please, at least I hope so....

Woohooo! Over 3000 views! That's damn good for a fic that has only two chapters and hasn't been updated since September. ^^;;

Kutie Pie
28th February 2006, 1:43 AM
Originally posted by Burnt Flower
Chapter Update: STUPID LAZINESS RUINS EVERYTHING! SOMEONE STAB ME WITH A RUSTY SPOON NOW!!!

No, I don't want to be a murderer...

Anyway, this is a GREAT STORY! So much description...so much horror...so much evil and intensity...I JUST LOVE IT! ^^

Even though it is a bit gory in my opinion, I still love it (though it's R and I should be punished for reading it *gets struck by lighting*). And I'm sorry you haven't been updating :(. It happens, don't worry. FIGHT WRITER'S BLOCK! FIGHT IT! THAT'S WHAT I DID! *shoots poison darts at writer's block disease*

Hopefully you'll get over it and update again SINCE SEPTEMBER?! OH MY GOSH, THAT'S LIKE FIVE MONTHS!!! Well, at least you're back! Good luck with your chapters, Burnt Flower! I'm rooting for ya!

(WOO! FIRST POSTER TO POST IN MONTHS!)

~~~~~~~~~
♥Kutie Pie♥ Please be kind to midgets!

Timid Kyogre
28th February 2006, 2:02 PM
Chapter Update: STUPID LAZINESS RUINS EVERYTHING! SOMEONE STAB ME WITH A RUSTY SPOON NOW!!! Argh, chapter 3 WILL come soon (to the few that still care for this story)....please, at least I hope so....

*Laughing insanely while stabs Burnt Flower with a rusty spoon* :D

You need to post it soon. Take your time yet try to post it as soon as possible ^_^

Good luck!

~Timid Kyogre

Brian Powell
23rd March 2006, 12:13 PM
Read the first chapter and I have to say this... it wasn’t good...

It was fantastic.

I’ve been in a bad mood recently because I’ve been checking out some bad fics and not getting enough time to make my own. But because of your fic, it cheered me up.

The descriptions has got a great flow with the scary parts and such, the characters are great and almost anime-like (Brock could’ve forgotten all about the parts down at the science place when he got to Nurse Joy), and the scary parts themselves... they’re great and I can tell that you’re going to show some better ones.

Overall score: 5/5

Praxiteles
18th April 2006, 4:08 PM
I stumbled upon this just today, trying out some button in my browser that I didn't know about. No, I don't even know my own browser. All hail the peak of ignorance...

Anyways, I got instantly hooked onto this. I seem to have a strange fascination for horror (it runs in us authors, eh?), so I naturally savored every bit of it. I can tell how fitting your User Title is. You truly are the "Mistress of Horror". *bows to thee*

On to the review. I loved your description; the very 'necro'-ness of it pleased me. I can see you're a seasoned horror writer; all of your descriptions and adjectives oozed with deathly grace. You set the whole atmosphere to just how they should be. Just because I love this so much, I'll go on a quoting spree.


It was an oval machine that had an empty interior large enough for a large adult to fit inside comfortably; the back of it was made out of a shiny metal that wasn’t tainted by age. There was also a very sophisticated looking control panel (even more so than the one she saw outside), while the front was covered in a very resistant, thick glass. A light, green liquid that was still glowing after so many years, was partly filled inside the ghastly machinery. Many thin, gray cables were inside it and were attached to the upper part of the compartment, while the lower parts of the cables were floating around serenely and moving around as though they were hungry, venomous snakes awaiting their prey. Two devices that had a sharp point each were on each side haunting, liquescent suspension center.

Torture devices… Misty thought, feeling even sicker than before and she unconsciously pressed her damp hand even closer to her mouth. That’s when it hit her - this was where the humans had been kept, like some sort of freak show aquarium for everyone to enjoy.

I just love this stuff.


Hidden in the deepest shadows, the carcass of a deformed man stared at her through gouged out, empty eyes with a panicked expression that would be forever etched on his taut, clammy face. His blood-spattered lab coat was pooled down his bony waist and ripped apart. Throbbing maggots still spilled out of his bloody mouth and stomach, and slowly devoured his juicy intestines that were now just mere strands of purplish flesh that were coming out from gaping, crimson orifices.

Misty let out a blood-curling scream that made all the windows rattle.

I love every single part of this. It's just heartening to see something like this. I found my sadistic side today...


“Here, Torchic. That’s the last of our food.”

Haruka, a deplorable and dirty girl, was huddled behind some smelly trash cans in an attempt to warm herself. Her hopeless, blue eyes stared down at her Torchic - a cute, orange chick-like Pokemon, who was shivering underneath her red bandanna that she was using as a small blanket. She took out a dusty radish from inside her yellow pouch bag that was around her hip, and tossed it towards her hungry Pokemon; Torchic gave her a miserable look before pecking at it.

Haruka shivered even more roughly - her tight, red shirt and small, blue shorts weren’t exactly suited for the cold weather, and to add to her troubles, she was very hungry. Having nothing better to do, she ran her white-gloved fingers through her brown hair and untangled all the knots as she did so.

But what Haruka saw made her forget her drowsiness and hunger – in fact, the whole world faded away except for the person in front of her own two, amazed eyes.

It was her.

Kasumi.

It was as if life returned once more into her soulless, broken body. Her eyes lit up with a deranged, exhilarated look and she felt all the energy she lost over the passing years returning to her full-force. The sheer, intoxicating power made her dizzy with overpowering happiness.

Haruka cried out in glorious triumph.

Finally…Finally.

With a savage grin, she went towards her.

Hugest quote I ever posted. But I just had to do it. This is excellent. I'm just... speechless. *bows again, this time pressing three gold coins into your hand inconspicuously*


The old woman looked like a revived clown corpse that had been unburied by some unlucky gravediggers; she wore a tacky, multicolored shirt that was tucked inside some brown biker pants that seemed ready to burst out from all the accumulated fat under them. The old woman wore a thick layer of makeup that didn’t quite hide her ancient age in the least nor the cheap blonde dye that didn’t completely cover the real white hair beneath. She took another step forward, making her black combat boots gleam in the sun importantly.

Wow. Horror and comedy, all rolled into one. Never thought a living creature could do it. *presses whole bag of gold coins inconspicuously into your hand*


Before Misty could even comprehend what she meant, Haruka rose entrancingly from her seated position and indifferently raised both of her hands in front of her. It was just barely a split-second before Misty understood completely; she tried to warn them in any way she could but Haruka’s hands had already began to glow an intense demonic red before erupting into pure, unstoppable fire. With a casual wave of her arms, the ardent flames expanded like a violent, smoldering beast at the small group of valiant firefighters that were battling uselessly against the searing blazes.

Misty was too paralyzed with absolute fear to close her terror-filled eyes. The fire callously devoured their skin and clothes away, leaving only strands of gory flesh that clung to their blood-soaked bones. Their screams were deafening howls full of intolerable pain that begged in unison for a sweet, desired end. She tried to cover her nose when the pungent, rotting smell of a dozen corpses hit her with putrefying clarity. Misty’s sweat mixed with her carmine blood that was slowly dripping down her cut lip, intermingling down her face to form a despairing concoction that was the result of her mental torture.

Pyromaniacs. Just have to love 'em, don't you? I just adored this part. *gives two bags of gold*


“Misty, we’re so glad you’re alive and well,” Haruka said with enthusiastic relief in her voice, but then hastily lowered her tone when she felt Misty’s eyes on her. “Here, I made you these when you were gone. I hope you like them,” she smiled gently and presented Misty with a glorious plate stuffed with the most scrumptious-looking and appetizing muffins that she had ever seen. Haruka’s timid eyes searched for Misty’s approval as the delicious, enticing scent wafted over to her direction.

With a furious cry that came out from the most torn depths of her heart, Misty grabbed the plate from a very surprised Haruka and threw it as hard as she could to the marble floor, shattering into hundreds of pieces upon contact. Haruka stood in a stunned trance for several seconds before falling to her knees with a lost whimper. Her eye filling with pitiful tears, she held one of the now dirty muffins she made and stared at Misty with teary, perplexed eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you hated muffins so much,” Haruka sniffled, trying to hide a stray tear drop that was running down her porcelain cheek.

“Misty!” Brock’s shouted appalled, and he helped an overly upset Haruka to her feet. “Why did you do that?” His voice held no anger or malice, yet the profoundly intense disappointment in his tone hurt her more than if he had been screaming at her.

“That monster…” Misty whispered in a choked voice that seemed dangerously close to her breaking point; she swayed dangerously on the same spot, before her emotionless eyes caught sight of the crying Haruka. She lunged aggressively at her with a cry of pure disconsolate hatred, and if a passing Chansey didn’t take a firm hold on both of her weakened arms, she would’ve definitely attacked her. “SHE KILLED THEM ALL!” Misty screamed hysterically, her wild arms frantically trying to tear apart that cursed demon until she could feel that same depraved pain she had inflicted.

And drama, too. And I mean last-part-of-Harry-Potter-OotP-style. You. Are. Good. I'd give more gold if I had any left...

Well, see you later!

EDIT: About the PM notifications, yes, I do want to be PMed whenever you get a chapter up, please.