View Full Version : The Island Chronicles
4th September 2005, 8:53 PM
This fanfic is written by myself and P2W. The events in this take place after the RPG "PokeMon: Battle Frontier". RPG is owned by unholylssj. Here it is:
The Island Chronicles
Chapter 1: The ferry home
The bright morning sun shone down on the sparkling blue water and on a white ferry heading towards the Hoenn region. White smoke slowly rose out of the black and red striped smokestacks. The ships horn cut through the morning air. Seth Hawkin laid in his cabin's bed as the horn woke him up. He was awake, but kept his eyes shut, thinking of the terrible and exciting ordeal he had just been through. As he laid there thinking, Seth felt something walk on his legs and then made its way to his chest. Seth slowly opened his eyes and saw Scorch, his Bagon, standing over him.
"Good morning, Sunshine. Wake up! Ryan all ready took his PokeMon to the galley for breakfast and I'm hungry!" Scorch spoke in a loud voice.
Seth sat up out of bed slowly and looked over at the other bed in his cabin. It belonged to Ryan Matthews, Seth's best friend. The bed was currently empty and all the sheets were bunched up together. Ryan's belt containing his PokeMon was gone. Seth got up and put on his vest. He reached over and put on his belt, which had four out of his five PokeMon in it, since Scorch got out. The little Bagon then hopped off the bed and onto Seth's shoulders.
He walked out into the sunlight and let it beat down on him. Seth took in a big breath of the salt air and stretched out. He turned around and made his way to the galley for some breakfast. As he walked by the other cabins, he heard people stirring awake and starting to move. A few other Trainers were coming out of their cabin's and looked out across the sea. Seth then came to a set of stairs which led down into the lower decks, and also to the kitchens and galley. At this point, Scorch jumped off of Seth's shoulder and ran towards the galley.
"You know, if your so hungry, you could have asked Ry to take you. I'm sure if you asked nicely and didn't offend him, he would have taken you. You could have just left me a note," Seth called after Scorch.
"First off, I can't write. Second, you know how hard it is for me to not offend someone," Scorch yelled back from the bottom of the stairs.
Seth laughed at this as he made his way down the stairs. He looked at the double doors, and saw the one swinging, so he knew Scorch had ran in ahead of him. He walked forward and pushed open the door. He was now in the galley, and Seth looked around. At one table, two ladies were drinking tea and telling each other spice garden recipes. At another table, two old men were drinking coffee and telling tales of their adventures as young Trainers. In the very back corner of the room was Ryan, watching as Scorch started to scarf down the bacon from his plate. Seth ran over to the table.
"Scorch! Don't eat Ryan's food! That's his! Now sit down and be a good little Bagon while I talk to Ryan. Maybe if your good, I share some of my food with you. Hey, Ryan, where's all your PokeMon? Aren't you going to feed them?" Seth inquired.
"I took the liberty of feeding my PokeMon and yours, including this one," Ryan said as he pointed at Scorch, "He ate a lot of food, and tried to steal some from my Rattata. I don't think you have a Bagon here. I think you have a Gulpin disguised as a Bagon."
Seth laughed again and walked over to where the buffet was located. He decided on getting eggs, bacon, and some toast. He walked back to the table and set his plate down. As soon as he sat down, Scorch jumped up and tried to grab some of Seth's food. Scorch had managed to grab some more bacon and sat down to eat. After finishing their breakfast, Ryan, Seth, and Scorch decided to try and find Cassi and Annette. Annette was Ryan's unofficial girlfriend, and Cassi was Seth's. They went to the upper deck and found the two girls lying by the pool, sunbathing. The two girls looked up as the boys walked towards them. Out of no where, two guys ran over and started flirting with Cassi and Annette.
"Hey, you two creeps! Back away from the ladies. They're all ready taken!" Ryan yelled out to the two guys.
"I've got an idea. Why don't we battle to see who gets this two fine ladies," the one man challenged. He wore dark sunglasses and a black bandana.
"Yeah, a two on two battle!" the other man joined in. He was wearing a blue hat backwards and had a toothpick in his mouth.
"Fine by us," Seth accepted.
The four of them made their way to the battle area. Annette and Cassi jumped up and followed, with Scorch trailing along behind them. They reached the battle place, and went to their sides of the field. The two men pulled out one PokeBall each and threw them to the middle of the arena. The bandana guy sent out Quagsire, while the one with the hat sent out Roselia. Ryan sent out Friar, which was his Blaziken and Seth sent out Bermuda, his Tropius. Seth stopped and smiled to himself. Before this trip, if Bermuda met someone new she would hide until she got used to them. Now she was one of the most fearless PokeMon Seth owned. Ryan decided to get the battle started.
"Friar, use your Blaze Kick on Roselia!" he called out.
"Roselia, dodge and use Magical Leaf!"
Friar went running towards Roselia, and lifted it's leg which had caught on fire, waiting to hit the little grass PokeMon. Roselia jumped out of the way and shot colorful leaves at Friar, which was a direct hit. Friar stumbled a bit, but regained himself and turned around.
"Friar, quickly use Flamethrower!" Ryan yelled out.
Friar shot a burst of flames out of his mouth that hit Roselia head-on. The Roselia stood there for a moment, then fell over and fainted. From the side, Quagsire shot a Hydro Pump at Friar and hit him in the back. Friar fell over. He tried to pick himself up, but fell right back down and fainted. The two men cheered, and Seth realized they used Roselia as a distraction.
"Quickly, Bermuda, use Razor Leaf on Quagsire!" Seth said to her.
Bermuda turned to Quagsire and shot many leaves out of her back tail. The man and his Quagsire were caught completely off guard and took the attack. Quagsire shot a mud ball out of its mouth at Bermuda. It hit her, but nothing happened. Bermuda took flight and hit Quagsire with a powerful Body Slam. The Quagsire fainted and all trainers returned their PokeMon. Annette and Cassi cheered from the sidelines when a voice came on over the intercom.
"We have arrived at Slateport City. Please exit in an orderly manner. Thank you for riding with us," the voice said. It was a woman's and sounded dear.
The four friends and Scorch walked to the gangway and went down it, setting foot in Slateport City. They looked around. Slateport was a bustling city with many street shops and ship ports.
"Where shall we go from here?" Annette asked the four of them.
"How about Mauville City? I want to talk to my grandfather," Seth said.
"The best way to get there is on Cycling Road, but we need bikes to get on there," Ryan informed them.
"That's okay. I know somebody here who can lend us four bikes. We can ride them there, and leave them at Seth's grandpa's house," Cassi said.
"All right, Mauville it is!" Seth yelled.
Please read and review. You'll see why it's called the Island Chronicles later.
4th September 2005, 8:56 PM
good i like it hope to see moe
4th September 2005, 10:42 PM
Thank you, the next chapter will be posted by P2W after he writes it and we look over it.
8th September 2005, 3:25 PM
Chapter 2: An Old Friend
Cassi lead them to a big house, owned by a Vince Derrek according to the sign. She didn't waste any time knocking the door but just went straight in. Annette, Ryan and Seth stayed in the hallway while Cassi went into another room without hesitation. She obviously knew who lived here and had been here atleast once before. They could hear loud yells and shouts - Cassi didn't seem to like this person. They both came out of the other room yelling at eachother.
"I thought you said that you owed me a favor! Why can't you pay it back now?!" Cassi was screaming at the top of her voice.
"I can't just give you 4 bikes, I have a bussiness to run here!" The other person, a man, was yelling back at her. "Just because we once used to hang out..." He noticed Ryan and Seth standing beside him. "Oh... hi..."
"Oh, I haven't introduced you to eachother. Ryan, Annette, meet Vince, an old friend." Annette noticed her voice tone on the word "friend". She replied with a "Oh...". Cassi continued.
"And this, is Seth. Another friend." Seth and Vince was glaring at eachother. He noticed how tall Vince was. He had to be atleast 18 years old. But Seth, recently turned 15, didn't back.
"Vince here owns a Bike shop and he'll gladly loan us 4 bikes, right?" She pushed her elbow into Vinces stomach.
"Oh, well... Allright fine! Take 'em. But Cassi, " He took her by the arm "We need to talk..." They walked in to the other room again.
Ryan was exploring the shop, wondering to himself why he didn't notice all the bikes on the walls. He told Annette and Seth that he was just going to go to the bathroom, but it was seomthing deeper, much deeper. During the time on the island, Ryan had become very suspicious towards everything around him. He always checked everything in any new house they arrived in. He also had a very short temper and could lash out at the closest person if he was angered. Seth was on the other side of the room, talking to Annette.
"What can they be doing in there? They've been there for 10 minutes. Why does he want to talk to her?" He was frustrated and grinding his teeth.
"Relax Seth, don't you get it? Cassi and Vince has obviously been a pair."
"A pair? A pair? He's like 18 years old!"
"So, I'm just 16 and Ryan's 18" She replied with a smile at Ryan over the room. He smiled back, looking under the counter. "I'm telling you, don't worry. You know Cassi, with her temper, she might just kick him in the... You know..."
"Oh... That hurts... Well, I hope you're right." Annette raised an eyebrow "No not literaly. Or perhaps..." Annette laughed so much that she tipped of her chair.
On the other side of the room, Ryan was looking at her. He remembered when he first met her. In the waiting hall in the Battle Factory. Seth was about to meet her in the next match and she was sitting there, basicly shaking. He tried to comfort her but somehow, ended up with her as his girlfriend.
He stood there, thinking:
"...Atleast something good came out of that forsaken place..."
10th September 2005, 7:24 PM
Update: Thinking of ideas for chapter three. will post it maybe tomorrow.
King of the Munchlax
11th September 2005, 2:55 AM
Great! Good Fan Fic yuo two. Its alright if each chapter will be slightly different in style. I how ever found it a little short and just a little under descripitive. Other than that... This Fic is Awesome!!!
11th September 2005, 9:55 AM
Its alright if each chapter will be slightly different in style.
Makes it alot more fun to read, since you never know what to expect. (TMM and I think very differently. We might twist the plot 5 times in one single post :D)
I how ever found it a little short and just a little under descripitive.
It's our first one after all :D
12th September 2005, 3:50 AM
Reviewing as was requested.
Now, this fic has potential, but it lacks one vital thing. DIRECTION. As far as I can see, it's a story about four trainers, and their various love lives. What the both of you need to do it open up the story a bit more in your chapters. Have a solid plotline that the both of you will follow. Otherwise you'll end up having this fic all over the place.
Also, make sure you show each other the chapters before you post them, so you don't have any disagreements. Make sure each chapter is worthy of posting.
And for god's sake, don't let it turn into another trainer fic. That's like, major reader turn-off number one.
You both seem to be capable writers, so I hope you heed my advice. Like I said, this fic does have the potential. Just add a bit more descripition. I'm not trying to be cruel or anything, I actually enjoyed reading this.
So keep it up. Just heed my advice.
18th September 2005, 6:52 PM
Well, the wait is over.
Bikes and Ribbons
Cassi came storming out of the back room were she had been fighting with Vince. She walked over and plomped down on the couch beside Seth.
"I guess we'll have to walk. Vince is being his usual jerkiness and won't lend me some. He claims I used my favor when I went to the Frontier. But I got there myself by being really good at contests," Cassi said in a mopey voice.
She laid down and put her head on Seth's lap with her feet in the air. Seth started to stroke her hair when Vince walked into the room.
"Okay, I've come up with a deal. We participate in the contest hall right here in Slateport. If your little boyfriend can beat me, you can get the four bikes. But if the little punk loses, you have to go on a date with me," Vince told them.
"Hey, shut-up. Seth's a better person then you are and he's five years younger than you. He's done more, saved people's lives, and has befriended two of the strongest trainers around. So why don't you shut your trap or I'll have Jukain chop you into little itty bitty pieces of JERK chicken," Ryan yelled as he re-entered the room.
"All right, I accept your challenge," Cassi told him instantly.
"Don't I have a say in this?" Seth asked her.
"Why don't you just sit there and look pretty?" she told him.
"Oo, burn," Ryan said.
"Fine, the contest will be tomorrow morning. I suggest the three of you rest while punky here worries all night about what he's going to do. Ciao," Vince said as he walked out of the room.
It was the morning of the big contest. It seemed like every coordinator in the Hoenn region was there. Seth sat by himself in the back room, going over the strategy he thought of last night. He watched all the other appeals. Some had great success, like when a Growlithe some how pulled off a backflip while catching a Frisbee. Others weren't so succesfull, like when a mysterious red-headed woman's Dustox lost control of it's Psybeam and nearly took out the audience. Finally, it was Seth's turn.
"Now entering the arena is the last contestant, Seth Hawkin of Fallarbor Town!" the announcer spoke into her microphone.
"Go, Wendy!" Seth called as he threw his PokeBall into the air. Wendy popped out and struck the same pose as Seth, with one arm and their chest and the other sticking out.
"What an amazing entrance! Let's see what Seth can do with this Sneasel," The announcer said.
"All right Wendy, use Shadow Ball into the air and then Icy Wind to freeze it!" Seth called out.
Wendy charged a Shadow Ball in her mouth and shot it out towards the ceiling. She then sent and icy cold Icy Wind at it and it froze.
"Now combine Quick Attack with Metal Claw to blast it into pieces." Seth commanded.
She shot off the ground right at the blob and hit it with her glowing claw. Wendy fell to the ground and started to use Quick Attack in circles to gather up the pieces.
"The finishing touch, use Sunny Day!"
Wendy made a bright glow in the contest area and made all the ice glow and sparkle. The audience was amazed and clapped for the two.
"All right, let's see what the judges had to say about this," the announcer said.
The scores apperead before the judges. Seth looked and he got a 8.7, 8.3, and a 9.1, for a final score of 26.1.
On the screen, the pictures of the four contestants who made it to the next round appeared. First was Vince, then a old looking lady, Seth, and a young boy. The battles were underway. Vince easily took down the young boy's Treecko with his Weezing, and Seth barely same on top with Wendy beating the old ladies Donphan. Now was the time for the final battle.
Seth and Vince were on opposite sides of the field, with Wendy and Weezing on the field. Vince turned to one of the judges.
"Oh daddy, can we have a Trainerless battle with our PokeMon?" Vince asked.
"Of course son, I'll allow it," the judge said.
Up in the stands, Annette turned to Ryan.
"What's a Trainerless battle?" she asked him.
"It's were the trainers do nothing and the PokeMon battle for themselves," he replied.
Back on the field, the battle was underway. Weezing had fired a Sludge Bomb at Wendy but she dodged and hit Weezing with a Slash attack. Weezing tried a Sludge and hit her with it. Wendy charged up a Shadow Ball and hit Weezing hard too. Weezing used Smokescreen to hide from Wendy. She darted into the smoke and hit Weezing with Metal Claw as the two of them went charging from the smoke.
"What? How did that happen?" Vince cried out.
"Wendy's Keen Eye ability. It makes it so she can see and her accuracy to stay the same," Seth told him.
Wendy decided to end the battle and hit Weezing with Ice Beam. It became frozen solid and x's appeared on the panel in front of the judge's, showing that the battle was over. Seth and Wendy received their ribbons and went back to Vince's back shop.
"Here are the bikes, just like I promised. There's one with a basket so that Seth's Bagon can ride in it. Oh, and kid," Vince said to Seth as Seth turned around, "You're all right. I suppose I could let you go out with my sister."
22nd September 2005, 2:38 AM
WOW, I like it.
I agree with Typhlgirl, it does need some direction and I got the strange him of
journisim, but it be not very big so, stay away form the trainer journy-isim.
I really like it and can see it go very far. I suggest you two get a nice solid plot and work from there.
Again, I really like this.
As always, be kind to the mime
22nd September 2005, 9:25 PM
Well, we do have a plot. This is mainly like filler to get from the ship to Slateport, then to Mauville and then from there we head to the Trapoka region of islands on a specific quest from Wattson. Also, since we use nicknames for our PokeMon, here are Seth's and Cassi's:
23rd September 2005, 9:39 AM
And here it comes, Chapter 4 in our fabulous fic.
NOTE: I do know that it has ALOT of dialogues.
Chapter 4: Leaving the Port
"Now what the hell was that?"
Seth was yelling at Cassi. He had been offended by this little joke that Vince and Cassi pulled.
"Relax Seth. It was just a joke." Cassi tried to calm him down.
"Just a joke... Just a fricking joke?! Don't you know how scared I was..."
"That you might..." Seth stopped in the middle of his sentence. Cassi raised her eyebrow, replying:
"... Leave me... for him!"
Cassi started to laugh.
"Hahahaha... Would I... Hahaha.. Leave any of you guys... for him? Hahahaha."
"What's so funny about it?" Seth snapped at her.
"Can't you see that? Vince is a guy that everyone hates. Besides, his charm isn't one that appeals to me. Right, Nette?"
"Yeah, I'm easily drawn to most people..." Annette started. Ryan turned around.
"...But not to that guy. I could see that he was a total jerk."
"You see? Not even Ryan liked him." Cassi replied, still laughing.
"Well... Ryan doesn't like anyone." Seth replied, now looking out the window.
"That of course..."
Ryan was standing in his corner, looking out at the group. Seth was right in one way. Ryan didn't like a person he didn't know but still, Vince wasn't a person that he
disliked as the first impression. He said to himself:
The next day, the little gang prepared to leave Slateport. Vince had his bikes ready and clear. Though one problem still existed.
"Where the hell is Ryan?!" Annette was screaming at the top of her voice.
"I think he's still in bed." Seth replied, rumaging through all his stuff. Scorch was on the side, trying to help. Though the little dragon only made things worse.
"In bed?! Christ, I woke him up ages ago."
"Well... You know Ryan... Scorch get out of here." Seth was obviously still angry over the joke last day.
Annette stormed into the rom that she and Ryan were sleeping in. He was there, necklace and shirt hanging in his hand.
Ryan flew up, looking straight at Annette.
"Oh...Hi Nette. Good morning..?"
"All of us are ready to go and you're still asleep?!"
"You could've woken me up?" Ryan was dressing in a rush now.
"I did!!! But appearently, you decided to go straight back in bed again!"
"Well, sorry. I had a hard time sleeping." Ryan was talking as fast as he could, trying to avoid a fight.
"Oh... Were you thinking of me?" She asked. Ryan answered, with a smile.
"Yes, your snores were the thing that kept me up."
"You *******!" Annette started chasing him, swinging a pillow.
"Hahaha... You're to slow." He said trying to avoid being hit.
"Too slow, eh? What about this?" She took a swing, hitting his face with the pillow. He stumbled back, fell on the chair and landed hard on his back.
"Oh... I'm so sorry. How did it go?"
"I'm fine, except the headache I just got." He looked at her. "I know what cures headaches the best though." He took her in his arms, approaching her face with his and they joined in a kiss. Ryan could see her eyes very close to his own. When they stopped Ryan said:
"Hmm... Didn't work."
"You..." She hit him on the arm as she went out to help Seth with his packing.
As the clock hit 11, all of them went to get their bikes. Annette prepared to open the door when Vince came in.
"Hey guys... We have a... slight problem. The thing is... The bikes... Well..."
"Just say it Vinnie." Cassi said behind Annette.
"Ok, here it goes. The bikes have been stolen."
"How are we.."
"Quiet please. Now I had to push my boss to even give you all four bikes and I'll probably lose my job when he finds out about this. So..."
Vince stopped, looking straight down.
"What Vince? Don't say that we can't get to Mauville."
Vince's smile changed to a half-happy, half-evil one.
"Course you can, because I've just been ordered to ship a few bikes to Rydels in Mauville. That means that I'll be able to give you a ride there with the truck. And it also gives me time to run away because those bikes that were stolen, were the ones that were supposed to be delivered to Rydel." Cassi looked slightly worried.
"You'll lose your job Vince."
"Nah, I hate the manager anyway."
"The manager is our father!"
"That's what I meant. He's been picking on me forever, saying that you were the kid that succeeded and I'm just a loser..." He stopped, turning his back agains't them. "... And that's also why I'm leaving Slateport today."
"Oh, Vince." She hugged him. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've talked dad out of it."
"Nah, You should pursue your own goals. You know that I will be fine."
A pretty long silence followed. Ryan interupted it.
"Well, I'll... just carry these bags out then."
"Yeah, I'll help you." Seth replied.
"Me too." Annette said, looking at Cassi.
Cassi was left with Vince and they were still hugging eachother.
Ryan and Seth was loading the truck with their bags as Vince and Cassi came out. She had been crying. Seth went up to her and gave her a hug. Vince looked at them before he said:
"Well, youngsters..." Ryan interupted.
"I'm as old as you are."
"..Let's go then." Vince continued. He started the engine, turning around.
"Everybody on? Bags, Pokéballs, other pokémon?" At his words, Scorch popped out of the bag. "Good, then hit the highway."
The sun shined through the windows of the truck as they left Slateport.
28th September 2005, 8:33 PM
Update: Just got an awesome idea for chapter five. I'll write it up this week-end and post it maybe come Monday.
10th October 2005, 7:42 AM
As you've noticed, neither TMM or me has logged on for several days. This is because as many others, we've lost the interrest of writing int hese forums. Do not expect a new chapter coming soon. But by all means, don't give up hope.
1st November 2005, 8:54 PM
Sorry for not posting a new chapter in a while. Been quite busy with Marching band. but I'm back and am posting it now.
Chapter 5: Missing!
The four friends sat in the back of the truck on their way to Mauville City. Annette was huddled closely by Ryan to prevent moving around to much. Cassi was in the front seat with her brother, so Seth was left all alone. the back of the truck was open so the "stow-aways" could have some air and sunlight. Scorch was trying to stand up as the truck was moving but was having extreme difficulty.
"Hey Muk for brains, what on earth are you doing?" Seth asked the little Bagon.
"I'm trying to stand up. It's really hard for me for some reason," Scorch replied while still having difficulty.
Seth stared out of the back of the truck. Cycling road was to their left. Seth watched as all the trainers on bikes sped along to their destination or were taking a leisurely ride with their partners. He sighed with a longing to be with them. The truck then hit a huge bump and sent Scorch flying. He fell out of the truck and rolled as the went away.
"STOP THE TRUCK! SCORCH FELL OUT!" Seth yelled. He realized this was useless since his voice was naturally quiet. Ryan started to pound on the window to get their attention.
"STOP THE TRUCK YOU MORON! SCORCH WENT FLYING OUT BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T MISS THAT BUMP!" Ryan screamed.
The truck came to a screeching halt. Seth didn't even wait for the truck to some to a complete stop before dashing out of it. He ran towards the place were Scorch fell out.
Please, let him be okay. Seth thought.
He made a bend and saw a little girl holding a dazed Scorch in her arms. Seth ran up to her and stopped. He bent over to catch his breath and talked to the little girl.
"May I . . . please have . . . my Bagon back?" Seth panted.
"No! Ba-ba is mine! I found him lying on the ground. You just want to try and take my first PokeMon away from me. Well, you can't have him!" the little girl said in the most high-pitched voice Seth had ever heard.
"No, Scorch is mine. We were in a truck and hit a bump and he fell out. I'm so glad he has a thick head. Otherwise, he might be dead. If you want more proof I'll even return him into his PokeBall," Seth told the girl.
She looked down at Scorch and then Seth in concentration. Seth hoped the little girl would give back Scorch. If she didn't, then he might have to start getting nasty. It was at this point that Ryan, Annette, Cassi, and Vince showed up.
"All right, you can have your Bagon back under one condition. You have to catch me a Poochyena," the little girl said.
Seth groaned. It would be hard to track down a Poochyena, then battle it and catch it. But he needed his Bagon back. So Seth called out Wendy and headed off.
After half an hour of searching, the pair finally found a Poochyena in a clearing. Seth nodded to Wendy and she walked out into the clearing. She started to talk to the PokeMon. Seth could only understand what Wendy was saying, so the conversation sounded like this.
"Listen, my trainer's Bagon is being held captive. There's a way that you can help out."
"The little girl requested that he catch a Poochyena for her own PokeMon. He doesn't want to hurt you, but he does need you to come with us so he can get his PokeMon back. What do you say?"
Wendy led Poochyena back to were Seth was and the trio set off. They finally arrived at the site with the girl still holding Scorch in a death grip. The Poochyena went running to the girl and she dropped Scorch to catch her PokeMon. Seth caught him and waved good-bye to the girl. The five-some walked back to the truck and got in. The truck started off and they sat in silence. After five minutes, Vince yelled through the window.
"There she is, boys and girls. Mauville City!"
The four friends got out of the truck. Cassi ran up and hugged Vince good-bye as he drove off. They turned and looked at the beautiful city. They set off in search of the gym, and Seth's grandfather.
28th November 2005, 4:59 PM
Well, since T.Z is MIA, I guess I will be writing chapter 6.
Chapter 6: Hello, Wattson
The four friends set off from teh gates of Mauville to search for the gym. They wandered aimlessly for an hour trying to find it's location. Seth had tried to ask people where the gym was located, but they all ignored him, some muttering about no respect.
"Seth, I thought you were here before! We've been walking for an hour and we still haven't found it. You have some explaining to do!" Annette yelled as they sat down on a park bench.
"I wasn't technically in the city. I was on the outskirts of it when the Salamence Clan walked up to me and offered me membership. Since I joined them, they took me away and I never got into the actually city," Seth replied.
"Well, that's just great. We're in a huge city, we have no idea where the gym is, and I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" Annette said, slightly louder than she intended.
The foursome sat there, pondering on what to do next. Then they saw a man running by with an Ampharos hot on his tail.
"Come on Ampharos. We need to get these tools back to the gym before Wattson gets too angry with us," the said.
"Amp, amp-amp ampharos!" the PokeMon said as she pointed to where Seth and his friends were sitting. The man turned at laid eyes on Seth. He then stopped dead in his tracks and ran back to them.
"You're Seth, right? Seth Hawkin? Of course you are, you look just like your grandfather described you. And there's little Scorch! You have to come with me; you all have to come with me. I'm Watt, by the way," Watt said as he dragged Seth out of the seat and raced with him back to the gym. Annette, Cassi, and Ryan looked at each other, and then decided to follow.
After five minutes of running, they stopped outside a big building. On the front was the Dynamo badge that could be won if you beat Wattson. Seth then walked up to the doors.
"Come on, guys. Let's go in," he said.
Everybody except Watt gathered at the door. Seth then pushed it open.
"NO! Don't go in that way!" he shouted as he saw the doors turn into a cart and the four friends fell on and went speeding off.
They all looked forward and saw that they were going up a hill. The cart reached the top and everyone saw that there was a sharp drop down. As the cart sped down the track, the foursome let out a scream of terror. Then they stopped at a door and saw Raikou on the other side.
"Raikou!!!!" Ryan screamed.
"And there's three of them!" Cassi yelled.
A voice was then heard over a PA system.
"Stop the simulation. If you would please, get off the cart and go into the little door on your right," the voice said.
They got off and walked into the door. After walking down a long hallway, they reached another door. Upon entering, they saw Watt and an old man standing there. The old man spoke.
"Hello, Seth. It's a pleasure to see my grandson again. Why, the last time I saw you was when your mother died. You didn't even have PokeMon yet. My, you've grown up a lot," Wattson said.
"I can't believe I'm actually meeting you. I have so many questions to ask you," Seth said.
"Those will all be answered, in time. Meanwhile, why don't we have a nice battle to get the blood flowin'?" Wattson asked.
"Sounds good to me," Seth answered.
12th December 2005, 1:30 PM
Finally got around to reading this...
For a first fanfiction, it is very good! It is good length, and there isn't a major difference in the chapters when you swap from one person to the other. The characters aren't mary sues, and it has pretty much good grammer and spelling.
Well, their are some things that need a bit of work. Did you run this through word before posting it? It is always a good idea, it corrects all sorts of typos that always appear in a good piece of writing.
Description. It could use a bit more. What do their surroundings look like? A little more info could help. It also increases the size of chappies, always a bonus. ;)
Thats all for now. Like I said before, a very good story so far. Well done! :)
12th December 2005, 5:27 PM
Great fic, I'm enjoying keep up the good your guys
16th December 2005, 10:31 AM
Nice surprise, eh?
Yes, TMM, I'm back ftm. I don't know if I will stay forever but I will try as long as my will to write exists.
Don't I get a welcome? :D
17th December 2005, 2:05 AM
You're finally back!! I thought I would have to write the whole thing myself.
23rd December 2005, 5:45 PM
To inform the public: Both TMM and I have very little time to spare for writing so don't expect any updates or chapters to come at the moment. My birthday is also coming up January first so I will have my hands full preparing this party with a couple of friends of mine (booze, babes, you know... the usual).
20th January 2006, 2:00 AM
Well, it appears that T.Z has taken another long absence *sighs*. I guess I'll be writing chapter 7 for now.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2016 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.