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ChaosMage
8th October 2005, 12:45 PM
OK, let me explain. This here is the true rewrite of my old fic "Elite 4 Challenge and Gym Leader Tournament! Double Adventure!". I decided to rename it and start off fresh. This will be entirely rewritten, and the rewrites I did in the old thread are now even more adapted. The chapters, to make updating easier, will be shorter and only contain one part of the story. This also makes the progress of the story much more exciting. I hope you enjoy this, as I much prefer this fresh start on a story that has become increasingly hard to write.

Here is the first chapter, but I suggest you read these notes first:

This fic contains spoilers for Pokemon Advanced Battle
This fic starts the day after Ash loses to Tyson in the Hoenn League, and will continue from that point
The Battle Frontier saga and anything else connected to it is non-existent in this fic
This fic is just the first part of a very long story arc of my own creation- the
"Battle of the Pokegods" arc. This part will be followed by "Quest for the Pokegods!", " Devine Challenge" and "Devine Championship!".
This fic will foreshadow many events in BOTP, and the conclusion is specially hidden in this story. So, if some things go in one ear and out the other, iit may be a major clue for the climax
The significance of BOTP will not become clear until this fic ends, and this fic is simply a prequel to the main story

That's about it! Enjoy the new version of Chapter 1. Keep in mind that this chapter, although it has the same name, is only the first part of the original Chapter 1. It is only 3 pages long and only introduces the main characters in the story. But it's still one of the funnier and light-hearted chapters in what will become a very dark and threatening story.

Chapter 1- Different Directions!


“OK, so I lost! No biggie!” Ash said, running excitedly out of the Hoenn League stadium. The dust was flying behind him, he couldn’t wait to leave. “I’ll just have to win the next league I enter!”

“Ash, don’t you think you should stick around here for a couple more days,” Brock said, stopping Ash in his tracks, giving his little pokemon, Pikachu, some time to catch up. “Tyson’s battling again in twenty minutes for a place in the final match. You could at least see how he gets on in the rest of the league.”

Ash suddenly paused and thought to himself: Should he go back and support the person that had only the day before defeated him? Should he go and cheer on the pokemon that had humiliated his own in battle? Morrison had done the same for him, he thought. It was only fair to give his newest friend some support, Tyson would surely have come to watch him, Ash, had he been the victor in their battle.

“Yeah, I guess it’s only right to cheer him on. He is a really good friend,” Ash finally said, starting to stroll back in, his right hand held up in front of his face in a fist. “And a good battle is exactly what I need right now to get me pumped and ready!”

“Ready for what? Do you even know where you’re going next?” Brock asked, as Ash stared blankly back, his mouth agape in some strange kind of thought, scratching his head gently. “Fine, I’ll check,” Brock sighed, as he produced his trusty trainer’s guidebook and started flicking through the pages. “Well, there’s the Battle Frontier not far from Hoenn, that’s where Maorrison’s headed. Oh, and there’s that Battle Tower in the Sevii Islands.”

Although both sounded like good destinations for doing a lot of battling, Ash didn’t really feel like going to a single place just to fight one battle after another. He had just done that. He was the type who needed adventure; he needed to challenge the best of the best to get his self-esteem back up.

“Well, I’d like to go home for a while before we go anywhere else,” Ash said, facing the Pikachu, now gasping on his shoulder. “You wanna go and see Mom and Professor Oak, Pikachu?”

As Pikachu answered positively in its own pokemon language, it had also regained its confidence and energy as Ash had done. Brock had put the guidebook away and was explaining his own plans; “I’d like to go home to see my family, too. Forest has been exploring the Kanto region and I’d like to see how he’s doing. He may even be ready to take over the gym!”

“Sure, I’d really like to see your family again, Brock! So it looks like we’re going home!” Ash said, running inside with newfound energy. “Right after the league ends, of course! Now, we just need to get some kick-butt seats, eh, Pikachu?”

“Ash, Tyson’s reserved us some great seats anyway!” Brock called after Ash as he disappeared into the crowd, before eventually shrugging and following his young friend in.

************************************************** ************

“So, where are we headed next?” May asked her little brother Max, while feeding her Skitty, a small and adorable pink cat pokemon, in the stadium café. “Are there any cool contest venues in the other regions?”

Max, staring at his PokeNav map, shrugged. “Well, I’ll need an upgrade for my PokeNav, the map only works in Hoenn at the moment.

“Maybe you can download an upgraded version from Mr. Stone, I’m sure he’ll have map versions for every region.” Her voice became more strained, as she finally decided to say what she really had her mind set on. “But I just want to get going and enter more contests!” May said, getting a bit agitated and looking like she was about to burst. “Wouldn’t you like to enter some more, Skitty?”

Skitty meowed back in its usual happy mood, swallowing the food in its mouth. It jumped down onto May’s lap, rubbing its head against her chest, showing that it agreed with her.

“Well, I’ve heard rumours that some of the Kanto Gyms are starting their own contests. Even Misty’s gym has a Cuteness Contest.” Max said. “Sounds like Skitty would be perfect for that.”

“Cuteness Contest? So you can only get points for using really cute pokemon?” May asked, feeding yet another piece of pokemon food to Skitty, who took it greedily.

“Yeah, there are five categories in five different venues; cuteness, coolness, toughness, smartness and beauty. You need one pokemon for each to compete in the Kanto Grand Festival.” Max explained.

“Sounds great! So I guess we’re going to Kanto!” May said, getting up as Skitty jumped down to her feet. “Alright, Skitty, we’re gonna show them how to really do it, right?” The two struck the same pose with their fist in front of their face, much like Ash had done not long before. But Skitty struggled to keep the balance and fell comically onto its face. It sheepishly clambered back up.

Suddenly, they heard someone calling their names, and saw a large arm waving over the crowds. Eventually, a familiar and friendly face appeared through all the people, running towards them. A heavily built fellow in traditional Japanese dress came to greet them, his red robes looking very odd against everyone else’s regular clothes.

“Hey, Morrison!” May said excitedly, waving to him. “Are you watching Tyson’s battle in a few minutes?”

“Yeah, how could I miss it? But guess what- he’s only gone and booked the five of us an entire row!” Morrison said, panting. “He wanted our pokemon to see the battle too!”

“Really? How cool!” Max said, getting to his feet. “So he organised all that for us?”

“Yeah, and my pokemon can’t wait!” Morrison said excitedly. “They haven’t seen a proper live battle this whole league and it’s a good moral boost after the battle with Ash.” This thought made Morrison pause and look down at the ground in disappointment. But he seemed to have coped better than Ash was doing. “So, shall we go now? We can’t miss this battle! I hear his opponent’s the favourite to win the league!”

“Sure!” May said, releasing her pokemon from their pokeballs. Combusken, the fiery chicken pokemon appeared, as did the graceful Beautifly, the adorable Bulbasaur, and Munchlax, the sleepy unevolved form of the behemoth Snorlax. “Come on, guys! Let’s go watch the battle!” she called. The pokemon cheered excitedly, except Munchlax, who appeared to be asleep on his feet. It instead snuck over to the table, opening its mouth wide as if to swallow Skitty’s remaining food in one bite. May quickly pulled it back, and it went into a more definite slumber.

As they all ran into the stadium (with May carrying the loudly snoring Munchlax upside-down), three menus that had been standing upright behind them were lowered onto the table, revealing three peculiar-looking men with dark suits and rather large brown moustaches.

“Well, sounds like another battle is starting,” said one of them, in a disturbingly feminine voice. His hair was long and a bizarre shade of red, almost looking purple. He was wearing, oddly, some thick red lipstick that had rubbed off on his bushy moustache, which was the largest of the three men, and had dark, glaring eyes that showed to all who saw him that this man was not to be messed with, whether he wore make-up or not.

“Yes, I know. And all their pokemon will be out of their pokeballs!” another gleeful voice said from behind a much lighter moustache. This one sounded quite effeminate, but definitely male. He had shorter hair, in a very unusual shade of blue, or was it purple?

“And that Tyson kid’s in the battle, too!” said a considerably shorter person with what sounded like a New York accent. He was wearing a small brown hat that was mostly being used to conceal his large, pale forehead, but he may have been trying to conceal some kind of gold medallion sitting on his head, that could be seen sticking out of the hat at the bottom. His ears were also completely inhuman, sticking up in a triangular shape, like those of a cat. “With his super-strong Meowth- it even beat Pikachu in the last battle!” he continued, grinning with a mouth far larger than that of any real person. It surely couldn’t be human. But how could a pokemon talk?

“Why are you so obsessed with that kid’s stupid Meowth?” said the feminine voice again from behind his bushy moustache. “That mangy feline’s just like you apart from that silly cowboy hat.”

The Brooklyn accent replied, “Except it’s a lot stronger and knows tougher attacks! And if I can learn Iron Tail and Thunderbolt off it, I’ll be able to match up even to Pikachu!”

“Good,” The effeminate-sounding one said, smiling behind his moustache. “Very good. Those twerps’ll never defeat us again!”

A large, red-nosed man came over to their table holding a small notebook. “So, you three ready to order yet? You’ve been sitting there staring at the menus for about an hour!”

“Sure,” said the long haired man, in a much gruffer voice, as if trying to conceal his womanly tone. “I’ll have the cheeseburger and…”

“Hey, you three look very familiar,” said the large man, leaning in closer to them, looking very threatening with his intimidating size. The three men giggled nervously, trying to cover their hairy faces.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next Chapter: Chapter 2: Tyson's Test!

Tetsuya's semi-final match begins, against his toughest opponent yet
The first appearance of Ash, Brock and Morrison's pokemon
The first of many epic battles of the saga!

I hope you guys enjoy this fic as much as me!

DANdotW
8th October 2005, 1:02 PM
Great stuff, Chaosmage. I loved reading that story, and now this chapter is better and easier to read with the shortened part. Hope the whole fic continues to have this much of an improvement. Good job,

Hunter

ChaosMage
8th October 2005, 7:27 PM
It feels so good to post the shorter chapters. It makes the quality of the fic so much higher. Here I have the second installment, Tetsuya's Test. For the more experienced readers, you will know this as the first two rounds of Tetsuya's smi-final match. There are some cool character moments here, for two characters who won't appear much in BOTP until "Devine Championsip", so it's cool that I can foreshadow some nice moments of their future, as well as develop the personalities of some characters other than the main group. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Tetsuya's Test!

“So where do we sit?” Ash asked Brock, as they came down the steps of the rake in the enormous Pokemon League stadium. He was trying desperately to find a decent seat in the full stadium. Not this many people had come to see him before, he thought to himself. But he kept this thought to himself. What’s done is done, he thought.

“We’re meant to be at the front on Tetsuya’s side with May, Max and Masemune.” Brock said, looking at his ticket. “Hey, wait a minute! This ticket gets me four seats! I only need one!”

“Mine has seven seats reserved!” Ash exclaimed, looking down at his lower back. “Do you think he’s implying something?”

“I hope not…Hey, there they are!” Brock said, forgetting his confusion and pointing at the front row. “And I guess that explains the tickets.”

May sat with her pokemon and Max, while Masemune sat next to his pokemon; Swampert, Gligar, Growlithe and Metang, while his Girafarig lay on the ground, watching intently. They were all waving and beckoning to them, encouraging the pair to join them.

“He got a whole row for our pokemon to watch?” Ash said, pleased to no end at this, and suddenly starting to think differently about Tetsuya’s position as a good friend. “Come on out, guys!”

He threw his pokeballs onto the seats, as his five pokemon emerged one-by-one to join Ash and Pikachu. Corphish, the feisty crab pokemon, jumped onto the first seat and sat next to Combusken, who looked down on it with a sarcastic smile. Corphish jumped up instinctively (or was it just being its usual excitable self?), trying to start a fight with its long-term rival, only to be held back by Grovyle, an equally feisty grass type.

Also sitting with Ash were Glalie, Swellow and Torkoal, who were luckily a bit calmer than Corphish. Glalie, a large hail-stone pokemon, was grinning excitedly, bouncing up and down on its seat, while Swellow stood up straight, its feathery blue wings flapping in excitement. Torkoal, an orange turtle pokemon, suddenly burst into a fountain of tears out of what Ash could only guess was excitement, since all of Torkoal’s emotions seemed to look exactly the same.

They were joined by Brock’s pokemon, Ludicolo, Mudkip and Forretress. Obviously, Ludicolo was feeling its usual jolly self, creating a sort of one-man cheerleading squad. Mudkip, a small, but reliable and strong water pokemon, was trying to avoid Ludicolo’s rabid hands as it danced around in glee. Forretress, a very mellow and calm steel-type pokemon, was sitting well away from Ludicolo, also trying to avoid it.

“Well, pokemon fans!” the announcer said, in the same excited tone as the audience. “The semi-final round between Tetsuya of Mauville City and Will of Goldenrod City will now commence!”

Tetsuya, his long coat waving behind him, and his hat and boots-clad Meowth entered the stadium, as the fans erupted with cheers and chants. But it wasn’t long at all before the cheers got louder. Much louder. And they weren’t aimed at him.

On the other side of the vast arena, Tetsuya could see a young, domineering man dressed entirely in dark purple robes. Even his hair and his half-face mask were a powerful shade of purple. This man was powerful- it was clear- and very handsome, making him an obvious choice for the league favourite. Will drew his first pokeball, and Tetsuya did the same.

“Go, Hariyama!” Tetsuya called, as the large fighting pokemon appeared, giving a deep roar of energy.

“Bad choice,” Will said, doing a full turn on his feet as he threw his pokeball into the air. “For I choose Xatu!”

Hariyama’s opponent was a powerful bird pokemon with strong psychic powers- giving it a double advantage over fighting pokemon.

“Use Aerial Ace, Xatu!” Will commanded, as Xatu flew straight at Hariyama, its wings glowing.

“Dodge that attack and use Seismic Toss, Hariyama!” Tetsuya called to Hariyama, and it bent down to prepare for the move. Xatu glided through the air, about to slash right into Hariyama. Could it take such a fierce attack? If Xatu’s physical strength was like this, what were its psychic powers like? Suddenly, Hariyama moved to the side and grabbed Xatu’s long beak only inches away from the attack. It jumped high into the air and slammed Xatu hard into the ground, crushing one of its wings completely.

Will cried to his pokemon, while Tetsuya gulped deeply. What had he done?

Xatu struggled feebly to get off the ground, but it simply couldn’t get more than a few inches up with only one good wing. It collapsed onto the hard earth, but still seemed capable of fighting from ground level.

“Well, fans, it looks like the air advantage for Xatu is vanquished before it could even use it! Did you see that attack!?!” The announcer called, while chants of Tetsuya’s name could be heard in the background. “It doesn’t look like Xatu’s gonna be flying much right now, and Tetsuya’s role as the underdog has been eliminated with it!”

“Xatu, you have to get back up!” Will called out to his weakened pokemon, who was desperately trying to get back into the air. “Don’t try flying now, use Psychic!”

“Body Slam, Hariyama! Finish it off!” Tetsuya commanded, as Hariyama bounded with surprising speed to Xatu, jumping into the air. But Xatu’s attack managed to hit home first, blasting Hariyama into the sky with a huge ray of glowing purple energy. Hariyama hit the ground, struggling to get back up. But it simply lay on its back, too large to get anywhere.

Unexpectedly, Ash’s Corphish suddenly started jumping up and down in fury, calling out to Hariyama as it lay on the ground, shivering. Torkoal also got up to cheer it on, as did Swellow. Black smoke and blue feathers flew everywhere as they lost control of their dignity. Combusken looked down at Corphish, a smug grin on its face.

“What are they doing, Ash?” Max asked, watching this strange behaviour in shock.

“I think it’s because they’ve all battled Hariyama before, and they know how powerful it is. If it doesn’t beat anything in this round, it makes those guys look weak as well as itself,” Ash explained, standing up with his pokemon, and Pikachu also jumped onto his shoulder. “Hariyama, Hariyama, Hariyama!” he said, repeating the fallen pokemon’s name in a driving chant. Brock, Max, May and Masemune soon joined in. Even their pokemon were speaking in chant. Soon they were all calling out with the same energy as Torkoal, Corphish and Swellow. They filled the entire stadium with their cries of support for their weakened rival. The word “Hariyama” filled the stadium in a continuous anthem, getting louder each time it was said.


Hariyama heard this and felt a surge of power flowing through it. It rose to its feet with great energy, roaring with a cry that all could hear.

Tetsuya saw Hariyama do this, heard the chants of the audience, and felt the same force flowing through every bone in his body. “Body Slam!” He ordered at the top of his lungs, as Hariyama bounded over to Xatu far faster than something of that size ever had before, jumping into the air, seeming to fly as easily as Xatu had done. It landed mightily on top of the limp and weakened Xatu, smashing the pokemon to pieces with a loud smash.

Hariyama stumbled up, looking down on the shredded pieces of Xatu. The people watching couldn’t believe it. Xatu had been a china doll the whole time.


“You can’t use a fake pokemon to battle!” May shouted angrily at Will, who didn’t seem to care. She wasn’t the only one yelling at the dynamic and attractive trainer. Everyone seemed to be demanding that Will be disqualified. Surely he couldn’t be allowed to carry on with the battle!

“May, it’s not fake!” Max said, realizing what had happened. He seemed to be one of the few people in the stadium who had figured out what Will’s plan was. “Xatu used Substitute to make a dummy version of itself! The real Xatu’s hiding somewhere!”


As Hariyama rooted through the shattered pieces, as if trying to put Xatu back together, it failed to realise that just behind him, Xatu had appeared from thin air, firing another Psychic attack at Hariyama's back. Hariyama fell forward onto its stomach, defeated. All the attempts on Tetsuya’s part had come to nothing. The first round was decided.

“How did that happen?” Tetsuya asked Will, shocked, returning his fainted Hariyama.

“My psychic pokemon can take orders without me needing to say them aloud,” Will said confidently. “That’s what makes us all so powerful. I ordered a Substitute attack without having to say a word.”

“Fine. I can defeat you anyway, Will! Go, Donphan!” Tetsuya said, sending out his Donphan. The powerful elephant pokemon stood before Xatu, who unusually started to glow a light blue for a few moments. When its original colour returned, Xatu stumbled towards Donphan, its wing still severely damaged.

“Rollout!” Tetsuya commanded, sending Donphan into a rolling tackle. It struck Xatu, knocking it out completely. The bird lay there, not moving a muscle. Ash had a brief feeling of superiority- at least Swellow had beaten Donphan, unlike that Xatu!

Will drew his pokeball, returning Xatu in a flash of red light. He then threw out another pokeball, revealing a shiny purple star-shaped pokemon- a Starmie.

Donphan rolled around the bend, about to smash into Starmie, when the mysterious pokemon released a powerful ray of psychic energy from its central jewel, which shone a magnificent red in the sunlight. Donphan kept rolling in Starmie’s direction, incapable of stopping at such a speed. Donphan was hit by the mighty blast, and catapulted into the air. But it wasn’t a good move on Will’s part. Donphan fell down from several feet in the air and crashed directly into Starmie, cracking its central jewel quite severely.

“Starmie, are you alright? What have you done!?!” Will called to Tetsuya, trying to run to his damaged pokemon.

“May we remind the challengers at this point that leaving battle for any purpose means instant disqualification,” The announcer warned Will, enraging the worried trainer even more.

“But it’s hurt! I need to see to it now!” Will demanded, looking down on Starmie, its cracked jewel faintly glowing on and off. “It can’t battle in this condition!”

“Yeah, it’s only fair!” Tetsuya yelled out, causing many gasps and whispers. “I would do the same for my pokemon if it was that badly hurt, and I’m sure Will would want to help my pokemon too!”


“He’s such a great guy,” May said, staring with admiration at Tetsuya.

“Yeah,” Ash said quietly. “And he’s a great trainer too.” He was wrong about Tetsuya. He realised now that winning isn’t everything, and that your opponent is your equal, not your enemy. He stayed quiet for the rest of the round.


Suddenly, Starmie started to get up, its jewel still flickering. It stood upright, letting out a huge blast of water from its top spike. The water surge fired at Donphan, who had been circulating the stadium through all of this and building up quite a lot of momentum in the process. Donohan was struck by the blast, rolling into the side of the stadium. It rebounded off the wall, landing on its back.

“Starmie, use Recover!” Will ordered, as Starmie returned with a great white glow to its undamaged self.

“Earthquake!” Tetsuya commanded, as Donphan rolled onto its front, stamping all its feet at once. A colossal earthquake shook the entire arena, knocking Starmie to the ground. The earth rumbled with an immeasurable magnitude. Starmie surely couldn’t endure that attack. “Now, Body Slam!”

“What is that? The move of the day? Hydro Pump, Starmie!” Will shouted, having to think on his feet for once. Donphan jumped onto Starmie’s middle, only to be jetted back into the air by a huge fountain of water. Donphan flinched and twitched for a long while atop the fountain before eventually losing consciousness. It lay atop the fierce geyser, showing no signs of energy or endurance, and no doubt defeated, before the blast finally stopped. Starmie had also lost all its energy, and the attack couldn’t continue. Donphan collapsed onto Starmie, crushing it under its great weight. Both pokemon could have easily been dead and the audience wouldn’t have known for sure.

Starmie shone a bright blue for a brief moment, before Will returned it into its pokeball. Tetsuya also returned his Donphan, a sparkling tear falling from his eyes. Will looked at him as if to comfort him, and to apologise to his Donphan. A small smile appeared on both young faces. A burning passion danced in their eyes. Tetsuya’s tears were gone. There was nothing left to do but battle.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next Chapter- Chapter 3: A Jynx in the Chain!

Tetsuya's Shiftry takes on Will's Jynx, as the third round begins. Will is getting more powerful with every new pokemon, and Tetsuya is starting to struggle. And when Will commands a Sheer Cold attack, Tetsuya starts to realise the magnitude of the battle. Can Shiftry, one of his few pokemon with an advantage over psychic types, prevail?

ChaosMage
9th October 2005, 12:49 PM
OK, her's something I've always wanted to do, but have never got round to because of the length of the chapters in the original version. As a treat, I will be going through the chapters as I gradually update the story and giving a sort of running commentary on the fine details. I'll let you decide if this is a good idea or not. All comments are in bold, by the way.




Chapter 1- Different Directions!


“OK, so I lost! No biggie!” Ash said, running excitedly out of the Hoenn League stadium. The dust was flying behind him, he couldn’t wait to leave. “I’ll just have to win the next league I enter!”

This was the toughest thing to get right. Should I start off with just Ash, or the whole gang? I felt that, since the original idea was always going to be a return to Kanto, it was batter to have the characters who were familiar or new to Kanto discussing it seperately. And I thought that opening a story with four characters at one time felt a bit much and that some precious early development would be lost. And I saw this as the best way to go, opening it with Ash as he should be at the start of a story- determined and energetic.

“Ash, don’t you think you should stick around here for a couple more days,” Brock said, stopping Ash in his tracks, giving his little pokemon, Pikachu, some time to catch up. “Tetsuya’s battling again in twenty minutes for a place in the final match. You could at least see how he gets on in the rest of the league.”

This was one thing I was unsure about. I always intended on this story starting after the league ended. But I wanted Ash to be in a mindset that would make him more determined to defeat the Elite 4, so seeing him having just lost a major battle was better than after he's thought about it and Tetsuya has become champion.

Ash suddenly paused and thought to himself: Should he go back and support the person that had only the day before defeated him? Should he go and cheer on the pokemon that had humiliated his own in battle? Masemune had done the same for him, he thought. It was only fair to give his newest friend some support, Tetsuya would surely have come to watch him, Ash, had he been the victor in their battle.

After reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I started to reconsider some aspects of the story. What is Ash really thinking after a major loss? We are only told what he says about it in the cartoon, whereas here I can show what I believe his feelings are. And Ash will have many of these mind battles throughout this rewrite.

“Yeah, I guess it’s only right to cheer him on. He is a really good friend,” Ash finally said, starting to stroll back in, his right hand held up in front of his face in a fist. “And a good battle is exactly what I need right now to get me pumped and ready!”

“Ready for what? Do you even know where you’re going next?” Brock asked, as Ash stared blankly back, his mouth agape in some strange kind of thought, scratching his head gently. “Fine, I’ll check,” Brock sighed, as he produced his trusty trainer’s guidebook and started flicking through the pages. “Well, there’s the Battle Frontier not far from Hoenn, that’s where Masemune’s headed. Oh, and there’s that Battle Tower in the Sevii Islands.”

Ash doesn't know it yet, but both of these locations will become much more than just friendly battle arenas later on in the story (quite a bit later on, really). And, yes, the Battle Frontier is where it should be in my version. "Devine Challenge" will show you my more game-friendly version.

Although both sounded like good destinations for doing a lot of battling, Ash didn’t really feel like going to a single place just to fight one battle after another. He had just done that. He was the type who needed adventure; he needed to challenge the best of the best to get his self-esteem back up.

Again, Ash doesn't know what I know. And neither do you! But it is true that he will soon spend a week doing exactly what he swore not to in this passage. I made him tske this vow for development reasons, as he will soon start to regret ever thinking this.

“Well, I’d like to go home for a while before we go anywhere else,” Ash said, facing the Pikachu, now gasping on his shoulder. “You wanna go and see Mom and Professor Oak, Pikachu?”

This is where the resemblence to the real Kanto BF journey ends.Seriously, they bear no similarities as of now!

As Pikachu answered positively in its own pokemon language, it had also regained its confidence and energy as Ash had done. Brock had put the guidebook away and was explaining his own plans; “I’d like to go home to see my family, too. Forest has been exploring the Kanto region and I’d like to see how he’s doing. He may even be ready to take over the gym!”

Oh, did I hear some foreshadowing there? No, wait, <cough>, I didn't. Sorry! Of course, I originally believed that Jiroo took over the gym completely as of that Hosou episode. But I'm trying to make this resemble the dub, as I'm more familiar with it.

“Sure, I’d really like to see your family again, Brock! So it looks like we’re going home!” Ash said, running inside with newfound energy. “Right after the league ends, of course! Now, we just need to get some kick-butt seats, eh, Pikachu?”

“Ash, Tetsuya’s reserved us some great seats anyway!” Brock called after Ash as he disappeared into the crowd, before eventually shrugging and following his young friend in.

This bit was always a bit edgy in my opinion. But Ash's mood swings are quite funny to write.

************************************************** ************
Oh, I love that bit! So original!

“So, where are we headed next?” May asked her little brother Max, while feeding her Skitty, a small and adorable pink cat pokemon, in the stadium café. “Are there any cool contest venues in the other regions?”

Again, I didn't know there were contests in anime-Kanto at the time I planned out "Quest for the Pokegods". May will visit these areas in that saga.

Max, staring at his PokeNav map, shrugged. “Well, I’ll need an upgrade for my PokeNav, the map only works in Hoenn at the moment."

Again, I didn't know where the anime was going.

“Maybe you can download an upgraded version from Mr. Stone, I’m sure he’ll have map versions for every region.” Her voice became more strained, as she finally decided to say what she really had her mind set on. “But I just want to get going and enter more contests!” May said, getting a bit agitated and looking like she was about to burst. “Wouldn’t you like to enter some more, Skitty?”

Skitty meowed back in its usual happy mood, swallowing the food in its mouth. It jumped down onto May’s lap, rubbing its head against her chest, showing that it agreed with her.

Dirty, dirty Skitty! I actually didn't realise untilo I reread this bit, and just kept it in!

“Well, I’ve heard rumours that some of the Kanto Gyms are starting their own contests. Even Misty’s gym has a Cuteness Contest.” Max said. “Sounds like Skitty would be perfect for that.”

Yes, I know. Why did I do this? For future reference, the other venues are in Vermillion, Saffron, Lavender and Celadon. Try and guess which is in which!

“Cuteness Contest? So you can only get points for using really cute pokemon?” May asked, feeding yet another piece of pokemon food to Skitty, who took it greedily.

“Yeah, there are five categories in five different venues; cuteness, coolness, toughness, smartness and beauty. You need one pokemon for each to compete in the Kanto Grand Festival.” Max explained.

And May, conveniently, has one pokemon in each category, and does, indeed, enter the Kanto Grand Festival in "Quest for the Pokegods"

“Sounds great! So I guess we’re going to Kanto!” May said, getting up as Skitty jumped down to her feet. “Alright, Skitty, we’re gonna show them how to really do it, right?” The two struck the same pose with their fist in front of their face, much like Ash had done not long before. But Skitty struggled to keep the balance and fell comically onto its face. It sheepishly clambered back up.

Physical comedy isn't easy to write, which is why I'm not keen on writing characters like Munchlax, Totodile, Skitty, Psyduck, Corphish and Wobbuffet. This is why I evolve nearly all of them, to give them an excuse to grow up.

Suddenly, they heard someone calling their names, and saw a large arm waving over the crowds. Eventually, a familiar and friendly face appeared through all the people, running towards them. A heavily built fellow in traditional Japanese dress came to greet them, his red robes looking very odd against everyone else’s regular clothes.

God, I hate how Masemune looks. I find it really hard to call him fat in a constructive way!

“Hey, Masemune!” May said excitedly, waving to him. “Are you watching Tetsuya’s battle in a few minutes?”

“Yeah, how could I miss it? But guess what- he’s only gone and booked the five of us an entire row!” Masemune said, panting. “He wanted our pokemon to see the battle too!”

You'll see the significance of this later on. I also wanted to show all the pokemon together as soon as possible, as I like writing about their interactions.

“Really? How cool!” Max said, getting to his feet. “So he organised all that for us?”

“Yeah, and my pokemon can’t wait!” Masemune said excitedly. “They haven’t seen a proper live battle this whole league and it’s a good moral boost after the battle with Ash.” This thought made Masemune pause and look down at the ground in disappointment. But he seemed to have coped better than Ash was doing. “So, shall we go now? We can’t miss this battle! I hear his opponent’s the favourite to win the league!”

To stop Ash looking selfish, I showed that all trainers hate to lose in such a big competition. Don't worry, we'll see everyone gets just as upset as Ash throughout the saga.

“Sure!” May said, releasing her pokemon from their pokeballs. Combusken, the fiery chicken pokemon appeared, as did the graceful Beautifly, the adorable Bulbasaur, and Munchlax, the sleepy unevolved form of the behemoth Snorlax. “Come on, guys! Let’s go watch the battle!” she called. The pokemon cheered excitedly, except Munchlax, who appeared to be asleep on his feet. It instead snuck over to the table, opening its mouth wide as if to swallow Skitty’s remaining food in one bite. May quickly pulled it back, and it went into a more definite slumber.

I love May's pokemon, and I'm making my best efforts to give them some screentime in a saga where she mostly just sits and watches the others with Tracey, Gary and Max. "Quest for the Pokegods" will fix this.

As they all ran into the stadium (with May carrying the loudly snoring Munchlax upside-down), three menus that had been standing upright behind them were lowered onto the table, revealing three peculiar-looking men with dark suits and rather large brown moustaches.

I don't know why I say half of the things in this section, but it's mostly for comedic irony, making fun of how people on the show genuinely do fall for the costumes.

“Well, sounds like another battle is starting,” said one of them, in a disturbingly feminine voice. His hair was long and a bizarre shade of red, almost looking purple. He was wearing, oddly, some thick red lipstick that had rubbed off on his bushy moustache, which was the largest of the three men, and had dark, glaring eyes that showed to all who saw him that this man was not to be messed with, whether he wore make-up or not.

“Yes, I know. And all their pokemon will be out of their pokeballs!” another gleeful voice said from behind a much lighter moustache. This one sounded quite effeminate, but definitely male. He had shorter hair, in a very unusual shade of blue, or was it purple?

“And that Tetsuya kid’s in the battle, too!” said a considerably shorter person with what sounded like a New York accent. He was wearing a small brown hat that was mostly being used to conceal his large, pale forehead, but he may have been trying to conceal some kind of gold medallion sitting on his head, that could be seen sticking out of the hat at the bottom. His ears were also completely inhuman, sticking up in a triangular shape, like those of a cat. “With his super-strong Meowth- it even beat Pikachu in the last battle!” he continued, grinning with a mouth far larger than that of any real person. It surely couldn’t be human. But how could a pokemon talk?

This was a cool way of introducing these guys. Since this is their last ever attempt to capture Pikachu before getting caught up in Giovanni's plans, I thought I'd make them their usual old self rather than go for an epic plot. You'll be glad these little schemes existed when Giovanni gets going!

“Why are you so obsessed with that kid’s stupid Meowth?” said the feminine voice again from behind his bushy moustache. “That mangy feline’s just like you apart from that silly cowboy hat.”

The Brooklyn accent replied, “Except it’s a lot stronger and knows tougher attacks! And if I can learn Iron Tail and Thunderbolt off it, I’ll be able to match up even to Pikachu!”

I hated describing Meowth's voice SO much! And I liked seeing the interaction between the two Meowths, as it brings upon some cool little character moments later on.

“Good,” The effeminate-sounding one said, smiling behind his moustache. “Very good. Those twerps’ll never defeat us again!”

Originally, I said James was "camp". Bad choice of words, so I went for the bigger word. ALWAYS go with the bigger word! And he says "twerps", a word we don't hear enough anymore!

A large, red-nosed man came over to their table holding a small notebook. “So, you three ready to order yet? You’ve been sitting there staring at the menus for about an hour!”

If you don't know, this is their former boss at the cafe, who sacked them shortly after Ash lost.

“Sure,” said the long haired man, in a much gruffer voice, as if trying to conceal his womanly tone. “I’ll have the cheeseburger and…”

“Hey, you three look very familiar,” said the large man, leaning in closer to them, looking very threatening with his intimidating size. The three men giggled nervously, trying to cover their hairy faces.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Was this a good place to end? I thought so, since a lighthearted chapter like this needs a lighthearted ending before the serious part kicks in.



More of these will follow, as will chapter 3! These really take up some time, so please tell me if they're worth doing. Be honest.

ChaosMage
9th October 2005, 7:56 PM
This is my chapter 2 analysis, and chapter 3 will be up tonight. I liked this chapter, simply because it has some good character development, and the battles touch upon many factors that haven't been covered yet in the cartoon. I'll say more throughout the commentary, obviously.



Chapter 2: Tetsuya's Test!

“So where do we sit?” Ash asked Brock, as they came down the steps of the rake in the enormous Pokemon League stadium. He was trying desperately to find a decent seat in the full stadium. Not this many people had come to see him before, he thought to himself. But he kept this thought to himself. What’s done is done, he thought.

This is something I want to always do. Go straight into dialogue, as that always makes a story better at first glance, and put some character development in the first paragraph. As you will see, this is Ash's mindset for the entire league section, and will carry on until he defeats a couple of elites. I wanted Ash to be like Joey Wheeler from Yu-Gi-Oh in this section, and be an underdog throughout the Elite 4 Challenge. But I'll get to that when the bloody challenge starts!

“We’re meant to be at the front on Tetsuya’s side with May, Max and Masemune.” Brock said, looking at his ticket. “Hey, wait a minute! This ticket gets me four seats! I only need one!”

“Mine has seven seats reserved!” Ash exclaimed, looking down at his lower back. “Do you think he’s implying something?”

Why did I think this would be funny? But it fits in with Ash's dimness,and it's good for the characters to have all their traits featured early on. I just need Brock's girl obsession to kick in soon, as he takes the tournament too seriously for that kind of messing around. As I have said, this little prologue in the league is one of the few chances for the gang to be relaxed and act like themselves.

“I hope not…Hey, there they are!” Brock said, forgetting his confusion and pointing at the front row. “And I guess that explains the tickets.”

May sat with her pokemon and Max, while Masemune sat next to his pokemon; Swampert, Gligar, Growlithe and Metang, while his Girafarig lay on the ground, watching intently. They were all waving and beckoning to them, encouraging the pair to join them.

“He got a whole row for our pokemon to watch?” Ash said, pleased to no end at this, and suddenly starting to think differently about Tetsuya’s position as a good friend. “Come on out, guys!”

The line about Tetsuya is a throwback to the loss to Richie, where he stopped thinking of him as a friend for a short while. This attitude changes very quickly when Ash starts to appreciate Tetsuya more.

He threw his pokeballs onto the seats, as his five pokemon emerged one-by-one to join Ash and Pikachu. Corphish, the feisty crab pokemon, jumped onto the first seat and sat next to Combusken, who looked down on it with a sarcastic smile. Corphish jumped up instinctively (or was it just being its usual excitable self?), trying to start a fight with its long-term rival, only to be held back by Grovyle, an equally feisty grass type.

This theme was reintroduced for a reason. I'll say no more on the subject.

Also sitting with Ash were Glalie, Swellow and Torkoal, who were luckily a bit calmer than Corphish. Glalie, a large hail-stone pokemon, was grinning excitedly, bouncing up and down on its seat, while Swellow stood up straight, its feathery blue wings flapping in excitement. Torkoal, an orange turtle pokemon, suddenly burst into a fountain of tears out of what Ash could only guess was excitement, since all of Torkoal’s emotions seemed to look exactly the same.

They were joined by Brock’s pokemon, Ludicolo, Mudkip and Forretress. Obviously, Ludicolo was feeling its usual jolly self, creating a sort of one-man cheerleading squad. Mudkip, a small, but reliable and strong water pokemon, was trying to avoid Ludicolo’s rabid hands as it danced around in glee. Forretress, a very mellow and calm steel-type pokemon, was sitting well away from Ludicolo, also trying to avoid it.

I liked writing some of these bits, as with the Team Rocket scene. It has a sarcastic charm to it, as if the readers don't know what is going on, while introducing some cool pokemon's personalities to the reader in a humerous and attractive way.

“Well, pokemon fans!” the announcer said, in the same excited tone as the audience. “The semi-final round between Tetsuya of Mauville City and Will of Goldenrod City will now commence!”

I hate writing for the announcers. It gets very repetitive using nthem in every tournament battle, but it feels wrong without them.

Tetsuya, his long coat waving behind him, and his hat and boots-clad Meowth entered the stadium, as the fans erupted with cheers and chants. But it wasn’t long at all before the cheers got louder. Much louder. And they weren’t aimed at him.

I wanted to show Tetsuya as being popular, yet still the underdog, before meeting his opponent, as it certainly surprised a lot of people in the original rewrite when Will was revealed.

On the other side of the vast arena, Tetsuya could see a young, domineering man dressed entirely in dark purple robes. Even his hair and his half-face mask were a powerful shade of purple. This man was powerful- it was clear- and very handsome, making him an obvious choice for the league favourite. Will drew his first pokeball, and Tetsuya did the same.

Will is a cool character, and I wish I had thought of him before completely plotting out the rest of the story. But he has reasons for being out of the picture, even though his work up until "Devine Chamionship" goes unnoticed. And, for further reference, the Johto Elite 4 from GSC is not yet fully formed, even though all the members are established trainers. The group will fully exist once Koga joins after the gym leader tournament.

“Go, Hariyama!” Tetsuya called, as the large fighting pokemon appeared, giving a deep roar of energy.

“Bad choice,” Will said, doing a full turn on his feet as he threw his pokeball into the air. “For I choose Xatu!”

Hariyama’s opponent was a powerful bird pokemon with strong psychic powers- giving it a double advantage over fighting pokemon.

I wanted Will to have a certain elegence about him, and have him do a pirouette when he sends out a pokemon. Although I do not mention it every time, he does this with every pokeball when he's in a good mood. He may act really cool, but he is a very weak-tempered person who puts on a show because of his status. Despite all this, he is certainly a very talented trainer. Also, the better a trainer is, I find, the harder they are to write, as I have to think outside the box a lot more to make the battles fulfill their potential. I also make the really famous trainers a bit more unbalanced like real celebrities, as Glacia will prove to you all.

“Use Aerial Ace, Xatu!” Will commanded, as Xatu flew straight at Hariyama, its wings glowing.

Why does Aerial Ace now glow? Only because the psychic aura of Xatu sends off a bit of surplus energy. Swellow and other normal birds just fly. Other elemental birds will have extra things like this when using fast attacks in my story.

“Dodge that attack and use Seismic Toss, Hariyama!” Tetsuya called to Hariyama, and it bent down to prepare for the move. Xatu glided through the air, about to slash right into Hariyama. Could it take such a fierce attack? If Xatu’s physical strength was like this, what were its psychic powers like? Suddenly, Hariyama moved to the side and grabbed Xatu’s long beak only inches away from the attack. It jumped high into the air and slammed Xatu hard into the ground, crushing one of its wings completely.

I had one reader of the original rewrite who didn't like this paragraph. But I think I've made it flow better now. And this is one of the more violent battles. Will's pokemon all seem to get some serious permanent damage, which we'll see the aftermath of in later chapters.

Will cried to his pokemon, while Tetsuya gulped deeply. What had he done?

This was a new addition. Since Tetsuya is the hero in this particular situation, I thought the odd bit of silent thought on his part would make the quality of the writing better.

Xatu struggled feebly to get off the ground, but it simply couldn’t get more than a few inches up with only one good wing. It collapsed onto the hard earth, but still seemed capable of fighting from ground level.

“Well, fans, it looks like the air advantage for Xatu is vanquished before it could even use it! Did you see that attack!?!” The announcer called, while chants of Tetsuya’s name could be heard in the background. “It doesn’t look like Xatu’s gonna be flying much right now, and Tetsuya’s role as the underdog has been eliminated with it!”

One thing you'll notice- all my announcers are complete arseholes!

“Xatu, you have to get back up!” Will called out to his weakened pokemon, who was desperately trying to get back into the air. “Don’t try flying now, use Psychic!”

“Body Slam, Hariyama! Finish it off!” Tetsuya commanded, as Hariyama bounded with surprising speed to Xatu, jumping into the air. But Xatu’s attack managed to hit home first, blasting Hariyama into the sky with a huge ray of glowing purple energy. Hariyama hit the ground, struggling to get back up. But it simply lay on its back, too large to get anywhere.

I think of Hariyama as the pokemon equivilent of Masemune, and I always thought he'd have one. I chose the word "large", to resist slagging it off. This also shows the endurance of Will's pokemon, as they all keep going with serious injuries. This is often uncommanded, and Will believes, as an unused character devise that I decided to leave out, that the strong psychic bond makes he and his pokemon able to give each other power. Looks like Xatu is really using five other pokemon's psychic energy to attack Hariyama. That can't be legal!

Unexpectedly, Ash’s Corphish suddenly started jumping up and down in fury, calling out to Hariyama as it lay on the ground, shivering. Torkoal also got up to cheer it on, as did Swellow. Black smoke and blue feathers flew everywhere as they lost all control of their dignity. Combusken looked down at Corphish, a smug grin on its face.

Combusken is very out of character here. You'll learn why he is acting tougher like this when Gary appears (at least in my new version). And he's not the only one who shows this teenager-like attitude. It's something that, although it has appeared in some form in the anime, is by no means a main theme.

“What are they doing, Ash?” Max asked, watching this strange behaviour in shock.

“I think it’s because they’ve all battled Hariyama before, and they know how powerful it is. If it doesn’t beat anything in this round, it makes those guys look weak as well as itself,” Ash explained, standing up with his pokemon, and Pikachu also jumped onto his shoulder. “Hariyama, Hariyama, Hariyama!” he said, repeating the fallen pokemon’s name in a driving chant. Brock, Max, May and Masemune soon joined in. Even their pokemon were speaking in chant. Soon they were all calling out with the same energy as Torkoal, Corphish and Swellow. They filled the entire stadium with their cries of support for their weakened rival. The word “Hariyama” filled the stadium in a continuous anthem, getting louder each time it was said.

Yeah... this is just a big anticlimax waiting to happen!


Hariyama heard this and felt a surge of power flowing through it. It rose to its feet with great energy, roaring with a cry that all could hear.

Tetsuya saw Hariyama do this, heard the chants of the audience, and felt the same force flowing through every bone in his body. “Body Slam!” He ordered at the top of his lungs, as Hariyama bounded over to Xatu far faster than something of that size ever had before, jumping into the air, seeming to fly as easily as Xatu had done. It landed mightily on top of the limp and weakened Xatu, smashing the pokemon to pieces with a loud smash.

Hariyama stumbled up, looking down on the shredded pieces of Xatu. The people watching couldn’t believe it. Xatu had been a china doll the whole time.

I hope you guys didn't see this coming, because I wanted the build-up to make it become the complete shock it is meant to be. This is the main reason that I had the telepathic commands, as the future Sight bit was added later.


“You can’t use a fake pokemon to battle!” May shouted angrily at Will, who didn’t seem to care. She wasn’t the only one yelling at the dynamic and attractive trainer. Everyone seemed to be demanding that Will be disqualified. Surely he couldn’t be allowed to carry on with the battle!

I like acting like I don't know what's coming. It makes the author-reader connection so much stronger.

“May, it’s not fake!” Max said, realizing what had happened. He seemed to be one of the few people in the stadium who had figured out what Will’s plan was. “Xatu used Substitute to make a dummy version of itself! The real Xatu’s hiding somewhere!”

Although they don't say anything about it, Brock and Masemune also understand the situation. Brock's knowledge of attacks goes far beyond even Max's, and he is more familiar with Will than any of the rest. He knew this was coming, but I kept him quiet to make it less obvious. Many of Brock's lines have been removed at the last minute to preserve the atmosphere.


As Hariyama rooted through the shattered pieces, as if trying to put Xatu back together, it failed to realise that just behind him, Xatu had appeared from thin air, firing another Psychic attack at Hariyama's back. Hariyama fell forward onto its stomach, defeated. All the attempts on Tetsuya’s part had come to nothing. The first round was decided.

Nearly every round ends in a single short sentence in my stories. They make it sound like a definite ending. Originally, I used referees, but they took away the excitement of the situation.

“How did that happen?” Tetsuya asked Will, shocked, returning his fainted Hariyama.

“My psychic pokemon can take orders without me needing to say them aloud,” Will said confidently. “That’s what makes us all so powerful. I ordered a Substitute attack without having to say a word.”

Nearly everything I say in this commentary is confirmed about a page later anyway. What's the point?

“Fine. I can defeat you anyway, Will! Go, Donphan!” Tetsuya said, sending out his Donphan. The powerful elephant pokemon stood before Xatu, who unusually started to glow a light blue for a few moments. When its original colour returned, Xatu stumbled towards Donphan, its wing still severely damaged.

This is the exact moment when Future Sight is used. Starmie repeats the process later on.

“Rollout!” Tetsuya commanded, sending Donphan into a rolling tackle. It struck Xatu, knocking it out completely. The bird lay there, not moving a muscle. Ash had a brief feeling of superiority- at least Swellow had beaten Donphan, unlike that Xatu!

Yes. But Swellow could still fly. This is one of Ash's cocky moments that he really shouldn't be feeling. Then again, he's just a kid who feels jealous of a friend and is desperate to feel superior for something.

Will drew his pokeball, returning Xatu in a flash of red light. He then threw out another pokeball, revealing a shiny purple star-shaped pokemon- a Starmie.

Donphan rolled around the bend, about to smash into Starmie, when the mysterious pokemon released a powerful ray of psychic energy from its central jewel, which shone a magnificent red in the sunlight. Donphan kept rolling in Starmie’s direction, incapable of stopping at such a speed. Donphan was hit by the mighty blast, and catapulted into the air. But it wasn’t a good move on Will’s part. Donphan fell down from several feet in the air and crashed directly into Starmie, cracking its central jewel quite severely.

I was desperate for Will to mess up this move, and I wanted Starmie's damaged jewel to be part of Will's mistake, to show how Will isn't as amazing as you would think. When he appears later, as a fully fledged elite, you will see his improvement in thinking moves over. And the attack was uncommanded, too, so Starmie may not have known to keep it going.
“Starmie, are you alright? What have you done!?!” Will called to Tetsuya, trying to run to his damaged pokemon.

“May we remind the challengers at this point that leaving battle for any purpose means instant disqualification,” The announcer warned Will, enraging the worried trainer even more.

Again, the announcer's an arse. He should be sacked, really.

“But it’s hurt! I need to see to it now!” Will demanded, looking down on Starmie, its cracked jewel faintly glowing on and off. “It can’t battle in this condition!”

Exactly why that's usually a sign it's fainted. Why did they expect it to keep going when every other Starmie really cannot battle like this. I put it down to them knowing how Will's pokemon are, and predicting that Starmie would carry on battling.

“Yeah, it’s only fair!” Tetsuya yelled out, causing many gasps and whispers. “I would do the same for my pokemon if it was that badly hurt, and I’m sure Will would want to help my pokemon too!”

Would Will do that? I haven't looked into that in any of Will's appearances.

“He’s such a great guy,” May said, staring with admiration at Tetsuya.

I make up for lack of screentime by making May fancy every fella she sees in the story. Wait until she meets Gary and Tracey!

“Yeah,” Ash said quietly. “And he’s a great trainer too.” He was wrong about Tetsuya. He realised now that winning isn’t everything, and that your opponent is your equal, not your enemy. He stayed quiet for the rest of the round.

You know what... Tetsuya deserves to win the Devine Championship. I'm gonna have to think that ending over...

Suddenly, Starmie started to get up, its jewel still flickering. It stood upright, letting out a huge blast of water from its top spike. The water surge fired at Donphan, who had been circulating the stadium through all of this and building up quite a lot of momentum in the process. Donohan was struck by the blast, rolling into the side of the stadium. It rebounded off the wall, landing on its back.

Believe it or not, Starmie only does this out of instinct. It was not told to, telepathically or otherwise. For future reference, only psychic attacks can be commanded telepathically by Will (at least for now).

“Starmie, use Recover!” Will ordered, as Starmie returned with a great white glow to its undamaged self.

“Earthquake!” Tetsuya commanded, as Donphan rolled onto its front, stamping all its feet at once. A colossal earthquake shook the entire arena, knocking Starmie to the ground. The earth rumbled with an immeasurable magnitude. Starmie surely couldn’t endure that attack. “Now, Body Slam!”

“What is that? The move of the day? Hydro Pump, Starmie!” Will shouted, having to think on his feet for once. Donphan jumped onto Starmie’s middle, only to be jetted back into the air by a huge fountain of water. Donphan flinched and twitched for a long while atop the fountain before eventually losing consciousness. It lay atop the fierce geyser, showing no signs of energy or endurance, and no doubt defeated, before the blast finally stopped. Starmie had also lost all its energy, and the attack couldn’t continue. Donphan collapsed onto Starmie, crushing it under its great weight. Both pokemon could have easily been dead and the audience wouldn’t have known for sure.

Bloody hell, that's dark! What was I thinking? I seem to have made battling far too serious in this story, mostly since most of them are in the middle of a life or death situation.

Starmie shone a bright blue for a brief moment, before Will returned it into its pokeball. Tetsuya also returned his Donphan, a sparkling tear falling from his eyes. Will looked at him as if to comfort him, and to apologise to his Donphan. A small smile appeared on both young faces. A burning passion danced in their eyes. Tetsuya’s tears were gone. There was nothing left to do but battle.

They're a nice pair of boys, aren't they? I liked this ending I added in, and saw it as a better place to stop than after the next round, which is intense enough to deserve its own chapter.
TO BE CONTINUED...



Seriously, should I keep this theme up? And review me, please! I'm desperate to get a few more readers!

Saya
9th October 2005, 10:42 PM
Chapter one was very good in my opinion, and very much improved from the original version. I liked it, though I really dislike May and Max, and don't particualrly care for fics about Ash and co. Your idea is very good, and the length and description were absolutely perfect in my opinion. You had a few comma mess ups, and a few run-on sentances, but otherwise punctuation was pretty fluent. Sometimes I got the feeling that you used 'said' too much as well. Maybe try changing some of your 'said's to something more descriptive? Other than those two miniscule mistakes I thoroughly enjoyed it, and thought it was quite good!

Keep up the great writing!

~Saya~

ChaosMage
10th October 2005, 12:04 AM
OK, this is where the story gets very dark and intense. The mood of this chapter is very similar to the mood of the dramatic parts of the overall story. This chapter has been set aside from all others as a taster of what the climax will feel like to read. I hope you appreciate that this chapter was necessary for me as a writer, because I wanted all the aspects of the arc to be featured nice and early. At least for a good while, this is about as far as the drama will extend. It goes back to being lighthearted and kid-friendly after this. So please forgive me if this makes you go off the story, it just has to be done.

Chapter 3: A Jynx in the Chain!

“Wow! That battle rocked!” Max shouted, prompting a shush from an older woman behind him.

“I can’t believe it, Ash, even an elite trainer like Will is tied with Tetsuya,” Brock said, also enjoying the match.

“Elite? As in the Elite 4?” Ash said in surprise, losing his thoughts on Tetsuya completely.

“Yeah, in Johto anyway. He’s a real tough cookie, too,” Brock explained, watching in surprise. “Look, they’re sending out their next pokemon!”


“I choose you, Jynx!” Will called out, in synchronisation with the release of Tetsuya’s Shiftry. “Use Ice Punch!”

“Dodge, Shiftry!” Tetsuya called out, as Shiftry jumped into the air. This last-minute action caused Jynx to trip and smash into the ground, its Ice Punch having failed, and fall flat on its face beneath the speedy grass-type. “Now, Shadow Ball!” Tetsuya commanded, seizing a valuable opportunity. A huge ball of dark energy appeared in Shiftry’s mouth, and was fired down onto Jynx’s back. Jynx flinched from a pain that everyone around could feel. She squealed weakly, and lay quietly shivering as the last sparks of darkness died out and the ruthless attack ended.

Shiftry shook its thick white hair and bounced back, landing perfectly on Tetsuya’s side of the field. It struck a dramatic pose, before running at Tetsuya’s command to Jynx’s limp form, getting ready for a Faint Attack.

“Ice Beam, Jynx!” Will commanded desperately, and Jynx clumsily turned over onto its side and fired a strong blast of ice at Shiftry. Shiftry simply ducked, only slightly skimmed across the head by the frosty attack. Although this slowed it down by a fraction of a second, it shook off the minimal damage and slashed right through Jynx at spectacular speed. It once again landed on the far side of the field, next to its trainer, in a perfect fighting position. Could Shiftry actually win?

Suddenly, the sky opened, revealing two huge rays of energy. Tetsuya and Shiftry looked up in shock. What had happened? Was it Team Rocket again? Was this battle a trap? (No, that was stupid, how could an official league battle be a trap?) The two beams, which combined into one enormous psychic blast, shot down like a giant bomb. Even if the psychic energy didn’t defeat Shiftry, the physical force would! But what could Tetsuya do? The attacks had come from nowhere. Shiftry had no time to escape. He had to think fast.

"Protect!" Tetsuya ordered, and Shiftry created an enormous silver blockade around it from nowhere, nullifying the blast. The bright blue explosion shook the arena, rebounding in all directions. A large chunk of the wall below Ash crumbled from the force. This couldn’t be an attack, could it? What had Jynx done?

"What was that? Was that your Jynx’s attack?" he asked, as Shiftry broke the shield. Shiftry flinched slightly, the barricade had also taken a lot of power to deflect such a magnificent flood of energy.

”Not quite, Tetsuya,” Will said. “That was my unbeatable Future Sight attack," Will explained, fighting back how annoyed he was at his failed strategy. "I telepathically ordered my other two pokemon to use it, when I knew they couldn’t battle for themselves any longer."

"Well, your plan backfired!" Tetsuya said confidently. "This battle's been going on long enough! Finish Jynx off, Shiftry!"

"Get up, Jynx!" Will shouted to Jynx, who was still lying feebly on its face. "You need to use an ice attack!"

“Let’s end this round, Shiftry!” Tetsuya ordered. “Shadow Ball!”

“Sheer Cold Jynx!” Will commanded, and Jynx’s shivering body began to glow. It was not a stunning blue like with the Future Sight attacks, or a powerful dark purple like Shadow Ball. It was white. Not a pure, angelic, shining white. It was a cold, icy white. The colour that can end lives in a blizzard, or freeze a man where he stood. Something felt weird. Something felt wrong. Something felt deadly. This was how death felt. This was what death looked like.


A painful breeze filled the stadium, and the audience began to shiver increasingly, and the gang had taken notice. Did they feel what Tetsuya felt?

“What is that?” May asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

Her pokemon seemed to follow suit, shivering and holding each other. Even Munchlax was showing its first signs of life, as it clung to Bulbasaur’s faintly glowing bulb. Combusken, who had a much higher body temperature thanks to its fire abilities, was not as strongly affected. Beautifly and Skitty clung desperately to its heated feathers. Bulbasaur took care not to, as adding fire to the mixture would not make the icy cold any better for a plant pokemon.

“I don’t know, May!” said Max, hugging Masemune’s Growlithe for warmth. Masemune’s other pokemon were also feeling the sting of the cold, except Metang, who seemed quite indifferent thanks to its steel body. Masemune himself was determined to not crack under the freezing pressure, and his clenched teeth and red faced showed that he was certainly making an effort.

Mudkip clung to Ludicolo’s thick fur, as Forretress and Torkoal hid inside their hard shells. Grovyle kept sitting in a casual manner, as if trying to show off its toughness no matter what. It seemed Swellow was also trying to resist shivering. The tiny, relentless Corphish tried its hardest to match their endurance, but eventually fell back into a limp faint with a pathetic and lifeless cry. Glalie, however, seemed to be quite enjoying it. Its joyful grin was wider than ever. It hadn’t been in conditions this cold and breezy since its younger days as a Snorunt before finding and joining Ash.

“It’s OK, Pikachu,” Ash said, holding Pikachu in his arms like a small child. “I’ll keep you warm. We’ll be fine.” Ash was also unsure of just what was happening, but Brock was willing to explain.

“This is Sheer Cold attack, Ash,” Brock told him, with a glimmer of terror in his eyes. “It creates a blizzard that constantly gains power. Some pokemon are so powerful, they can completely encase their opponent in ice! The attack doesn’t stop until the user’s foe is completely unable to battle!”

This was the most sick thing Ash had ever heard. He had admired Will until now, but this was unbelievable. If Will’s bond with his pokemon was that strong, then surely Will was as determined to hurt Shiftry as he was to merely win a battle. How could anyone use such a vicious attack? But the sharp chill wasn’t the last of it. There was more to this attack than a painful breeze. The more disastrous and deadly side of this attack was still to become evident.


Tiny flakes of snow materialised across the field, one by one. Please let this be it, Ash thought. But soon, the flakes became icicles, the breeze became a snowstorm, the Shadow Ball attack was turned into a piece of transparent black ice in mid air. How was that even possible? The frozen attack fell to the ground with a large bang, useless to Shiftry now. Jynx slowly floated into the air, turning upright to face Shiftry and glowing to a blinding extent. It screeched at the top of its lungs, its eyes shining a powerful red and looking even more terrifying against Jynx’s piercing white aura. Its white hair and red dress flapped around in the blowing wind. Ash wanted to stop it. All it would take was an Overheat attack from Torkoal. That was all it would take.

The ice slowly enveloped around Shiftry, as it stood still, confused and paralysed by the deadly chill. It was soon rendered completely immobile by the terrible attack, turned to an iceberg in mere seconds. The blizzard abruptly stopped, as if creating an ice sculpture from an opponent was enough to turn the power off.

Tetsuya stared at the sculpture that had been his Shiftry. The crowd gasped, but nobody was more shocked than Tetsuya himself, who seemed close to tears. Ash timidly touched his own cheek. It was cold and damp. He had been crying. Out of coldness, perhaps. But out of concern for Tetsuya? No, it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

“Let Shiftry go!” Tetsuya shouted at Will, his voice dry and dark from the mixture of coldness and anger. “Let him go!”

“Of course I will. Jynx, break the ice!” Will commanded, as Jynx slowly lowered down to the ground, no longer glowing or screeching. Its eyes shone once again for just one split second, lifting the frozen Shadow Ball with its mental powers. Tetsuya looked furious, whereas Ash was more perplexed than concerned. If he kept telling himself that, it would become true, he thought.

“What are you doing?” Tetsuya asked angrily.

“Releasing your Shiftry,” Will answered casually, but with an icy-cold tone. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

The black ball slowly moved back at Jynx’s control, before flinging like a catapult at tremendous speed into the Shiftry-iceberg. The ball shattered to pieces, cracking the icy over-layer. But that wasn’t the worst part. Within a split second, the Shadow ball underneath the layer of ice burst into an explosion of black energy, obliterating Shiftry’s frozen prison and sending the poor pokemon flying across the field. It lay still on the ground, as Tetsuya silently returned it. There had been no sound through all of this, except the terrible explosion and the loud thud that accompanied Shiftry’s downfall. The silence was not broken immediately. The audience was still in shock. Let it end, thought Tetsuya, as he fell to his knees in agony.

Ash felt another tear emerging. He had to hold it back. But then there were more tears forming. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He dropped his head into his hands in a weak sob. He cried out that he couldn’t take it. Brock put his arm around Ash, but was quickly batted away. After what felt to Ash like an hour, the arena was filled with applause and cheers. Chants of Will’s name far outnumbered those, if any, of Tetsuya’s. Ash couldn’t decide which was better- silence or ravenous applause? He couldn’t look up. He had to escape the world. He had to get away from what he was hearing.

Tetsuya looked up at Will, who was also wordless as he returned his Jynx to its pokeball. Both trainers turned around at the same time to leave the stadium, to prepare for the deciding second half of the battle.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next Chapter- Chapter 4: Swampert Training!

May takes some time to think over her future in the Kanto contests, and challenges Masemune to a battle. Can Skitty defeat the mighty Swampert?
And Corphish and Combusken's relationship goes over the edge, with hilarious consequences!

ChaosMage
10th October 2005, 1:14 AM
Here goes, then. The review of the most intense piece of writing I've ever produced. I'm very worried about how this chapter will be taken by some readers.



Chapter 3: A Jynx in the Chain!

First off, the title. It is obviouly a pun on "chink in the chain", and took a long while to get right. Puns often take away the seriousness of a moment, and I hope I got this one right.

“Wow! That battle rocked!” Max shouted, prompting a shush from an older woman behind him.

“I can’t believe it, Ash, even an elite trainer like Will is tied with Tetsuya,” Brock said, also enjoying the match.

“Elite? As in the Elite 4?” Ash said in surprise, losing his thoughts on Tetsuya completely.

“Yeah, in Johto anyway. He’s a real tough cookie, too,” Brock explained, watching in surprise. “Look, they’re sending out their next pokemon!”

As I've already mentioned, Will is a well established trainer and has an Elite 4 status. But the Johto group is not like the Hoenn ones we meet later on, they are more of an antagonist operation. We'll hear more on this in the coming chapters (rewrite only)

“I choose you, Jynx!” Will called out, in synchronisation with the release of Tetsuya’s Shiftry. “Use Ice Punch!”

I was unsure about who should send out a pokemon first, so I had them released at the exact same time. If Will had released Jynx first, Tetsuya would have instinctively used Metagross. This is why both releases aren't mentioned in seperate paragraphs, as usual.

“Dodge, Shiftry!” Tetsuya called out, as Shiftry jumped into the air. This last-minute action caused Jynx to trip and smash into the ground, its Ice Punch having failed, and fall flat on its face beneath the speedy grass-type. “Now, Shadow Ball!” Tetsuya commanded, seizing a valuable opportunity. A huge ball of dark energy appeared in Shiftry’s mouth, and was fired down onto Jynx’s back. Jynx flinched from a pain that everyone around could feel. She squealed weakly, and lay quietly shivering as the last sparks of darkness died out and the ruthless attack ended.

I very much contradict the anime on the intensity of certain attacks. Shadow Ball is a lot darker here than in the anime, where it is seriously overused. Attacks like Destiny Bond, Perish Song, and indeed Sheer Cold are just some others that are far crueller in my version, and the anime versions have always surprised me by being quite innocent.

Shiftry shook its thick white hair and bounced back, landing perfectly on Tetsuya’s side of the field. It struck a dramatic pose, before running at Tetsuya’s command to Jynx’s limp form, getting ready for a Faint Attack.

I don't know why, but most of Shiftry's commands aren't shown being said by Tetsuya in this round. There genuinely is no reason other than trying to avoid showing all commands. They get a bit tedious after a while, especially when they're the same attacks.

“Ice Beam, Jynx!” Will commanded desperately, and Jynx clumsily turned over onto its side and fired a strong blast of ice at Shiftry. Shiftry simply ducked, only slightly skimmed across the head by the frosty attack. Although this slowed it down by a fraction of a second, it shook off the minimal damage and slashed right through Jynx at spectacular speed. It once again landed on the far side of the field, next to its trainer, in a perfect fighting position. Could Shiftry actually win?

I wanted to show off Shiftry's agility, which saved its arse for a short while in the cartoon. I also wanted to show how Jynx's pure power isn't enough to beat this speed.

Suddenly, the sky opened, revealing two huge rays of energy. Tetsuya and Shiftry looked up in shock. What had happened? Was it Team Rocket again? Was this battle a trap? (No, that was stupid, how could an official league battle be a trap?) The two beams, which combined into one enormous psychic blast, shot down like a giant bomb. Even if the psychic energy didn’t defeat Shiftry, the physical force would! But what could Tetsuya do? The attacks had come from nowhere. Shiftry had no time to escape. He had to think fast.

There are two questions to ask- why do two seperately ordered attacks come at the same time? And why did I waste your time like this? Even if it isn't clear thanks to Will's psychic abilities not fully showcased yet, he can use his own powers to decide when the attack is fired. He was saving both blasts for this emergency. I also wanted to show that some highly calculated strategies are often unsuccessful. Life's a *****, basically.

"Protect!" Tetsuya ordered, and Shiftry created an enormous silver blockade around it from nowhere, nullifying the blast. The bright blue explosion shook the arena, rebounding in all directions. A large chunk of the wall below Ash crumbled from the force. This couldn’t be an attack, could it? What had Jynx done?

I wanted the attacks in this round to take a leap into being potentially dangerous for the audience themselves. And the walls collapsing from under them sounds like a good way to show this.

"What was that? Was that your Jynx’s attack?" he asked, as Shiftry broke the shield. Shiftry flinched slightly, the barricade had obviously taken a lot of power to deflect such a magnificent flood of energy.

This is my explanation for Protect rarely suceeding twice in a row.

”Not quite, Tetsuya,” Will said. “That was my unbeatable Future Sight attack," Will explained, fighting back how annoyed he was at his failed strategy. "I telepathically ordered my other two pokemon to use it, when I knew they couldn’t battle for themselves any longer."

"Well, your plan backfired!" Tetsuya said confidently. "This battle's been going on long enough! Finish Jynx off, Shiftry!"

"Get up, Jynx!" Will shouted to Jynx, who was still lying feebly on its face. "You need to use an ice attack!"

I wanted Sheer Cold to be a last resort for Will, and he's not the only character who winds up resorting to using it. Very few people or pokemon can use an attack like Sheer Cold without knowing they have no choice. It is also an attack strengthened by personal anguish, as shown by Glacia later on.

“Let’s end this round, Shiftry!” Tetsuya ordered. “Shadow Ball!”

“Sheer Cold Jynx!” Will commanded, and Jynx’s shivering body began to glow. It was not a stunning blue like with the Future Sight attacks, or a powerful dark purple like Shadow Ball. It was white. Not a pure, angelic, shining white. It was a cold, icy white. The colour that can end lives in a blizzard, or freeze a man where he stood. Something felt weird. Something felt wrong. Something felt deadly. This was how death felt. This was what death looked like.

This does sound like Harry Potter, actually. I need to read a wider range of books. But I thought that this description was necessary in order to show the intensity of the attack. And, since death is rarely touched upon in any aspect of Pokemon, it felt like something else I need to add into early chapters, because deaths will occur. Not saying anymore on the subject.

A painful breeze filled the stadium, and the audience began to shiver increasingly. The gang had also taken notice. Did they feel what Tetsuya felt?

I wanted to only show how Tetsuya and Ash actually felt, so I thought I'd pull a Boggart-like move and raise the question of how an attack like this makes people really feel. To be honest, I really don't know mysef.

“What is that?” May asked, wrapping her arms around herself.

Her pokemon seemed to follow suit, shivering and holding each other. Even Munchlax was showing its first signs of life, as it clung to Bulbasaur’s faintly glowing bulb. Combusken, who had a much higher body temperature thanks to its fire abilities, was not as strongly affected. Beautifly and Skitty clung desperately to its heated feathers. Bulbasaur took care not to, as adding fire to the mixture would not make the icy cold any better for a plant pokemon.

Oh, I hope you see what I want you to see...

“I don’t know, May!” said Max, hugging Masemune’s Growlithe for warmth. Masemune’s other pokemon were also feeling the sting of the cold, except Metang, who seemed quite indifferent thanks to its steel body. Masemune himself was determined to not crack under the freezing pressure, and his clenched teeth and red faced showed that he was certainly making an effort.

Mudkip clung to Ludicolo’s thick fur, as Forretress and Torkoal hid inside their hard shells. Grovyle kept sitting in a casual manner, as if trying to show off its toughness no matter what. It seemed Swellow was also trying to resist shivering. The tiny, relentless Corphish tried its hardest to match their endurance, but eventually fell back into a limp faint with a pathetic and lifeless cry. Glalie, however, seemed to be quite enjoying it. Its joyful grin was wider than ever. It hadn’t been in conditions this cold and breezy since its younger days as a Snorunt before finding and joining Ash.

This is what Glalie always needed- character development! And Grovyle, Swellow and Corphish also get some nice moments. Again, the attempt at physical comedy is rendered useless. Typical.

“It’s OK, Pikachu,” Ash said, holding Pikachu in his arms like a small child. “I’ll keep you warm. We’ll be fine.” Ash was also unsure of just what was happening, but Brock was willing to explain.

“This is Sheer Cold attack, Ash,” Brock told him, with a glimmer of terror in his eyes. “It creates a blizzard that constantly gains power. Some pokemon are so powerful, they can completely encase their opponent in ice! The attack doesn’t stop until the user’s foe is completely unable to battle!”

This was the most sick thing Ash had ever heard. He had admired Will until now, but this was unbelievable. If Will’s bond with his pokemon was that strong, then surely Will was as determined to hurt Shiftry as he was to merely win a battle. How could anyone use such a vicious attack? But the sharp chill wasn’t the last of it. There was more to this attack than a painful breeze. The more disastrous and deadly side of this attack was still to become evident.

I'd just like to clear this up- Will is not evil. Ash is being very irrational at the moment, and misjudges nearly every character he'll meet in these early stories. This attitude will die down soon, I swear!

Tiny flakes of snow materialised across the field, one by one. Please let this be it, Ash thought. But soon, the flakes became icicles, the breeze became a snowstorm, the Shadow Ball attack was turned into a piece of transparent black ice in mid air. How was that even possible? The frozen attack fell to the ground with a large bang, useless to Shiftry now. Jynx slowly floated into the air, turning upright to face Shiftry and glowing to a blinding extent. It screeched at the top of its lungs, its eyes shining a powerful red and looking even more terrifying against Jynx’s piercing white aura. Its white hair and red dress flapped around in the blowing wind. Ash wanted to stop it. All it would take was an Overheat attack from Torkoal. That was all it would take.

It's wierd that Ash could possibly count on Torkoal after that league performance!

The ice slowly enveloped around Shiftry, as it stood still, confused and paralysed by the deadly chill. It was soon rendered completely immobile by the terrible attack, turned to an iceberg in mere seconds. The blizzard abruptly stopped, as if creating an ice sculpture from an opponent was enough to turn the power off.

I seriously ran out of words for iceberg-Shiftry and cut the scene down because of this.

Tetsuya stared at the sculpture that had been his Shiftry. The crowd gasped, but nobody was more shocked than Tetsuya himself, who seemed close to tears. Ash timidly touched his own cheek. It was cold and damp. He had been crying. Out of coldness, perhaps. But out of concern for Tetsuya? No, it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be.

He's a bit of a miserable little git, isn't he? He'll be having scar pains next!

“Let Shiftry go!” Tetsuya shouted at Will, his voice dry and dark from the mixture of coldness and anger. “Let him go!”

“Of course I will. Jynx, break the ice!” Will commanded, as Jynx slowly lowered down to the ground, no longer glowing or screeching. Its eyes shone once again for just one split second, lifting the frozen Shadow Ball with its mental powers. Tetsuya looked furious, whereas Ash was more perplexed than concerned. If he kept telling himself that, it would become true, he thought.

Again, Ash is determined to not feel sad for Tetsuya in this situation. The two are both highly affected by this battle, and don't see each other's pain. Ash has many moments like this in the story, as he is a growing teenager in my eyes, even though the writers don't feel the same way.

“What are you doing?” Tetsuya asked angrily.

“Releasing your Shiftry,” Will answered casually, but with an icy-cold tone. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

The black ball slowly moved back at Jynx’s control, before flinging like a catapult at tremendous speed into the Shiftry-iceberg. The ball shattered to pieces, cracking the icy over-layer. But that wasn’t the worst part. Within a split second, the Shadow ball underneath the layer of ice burst into an explosion of black energy, obliterating Shiftry’s frozen prison and sending the poor pokemon flying across the field. It lay still on the ground, as Tetsuya silently returned it. There had been no sound through all of this, except the terrible explosion and the loud thud that accompanied Shiftry’s downfall. The silence was not broken immediately. The audience was still in shock. Let it end, thought Tetsuya, as he fell to his knees in agony.

This is a running theme in my battles that the anime rarely uses, attacks backfiring or being used against the perpetrator. It just makes for interesting reading, and feels more unique from a writing point of view.

Ash felt another tear emerging. He had to hold it back. But then there were more tears forming. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He dropped his head into his hands in a weak sob. He cried out that he couldn’t take it. Brock put his arm around Ash, but was quickly batted away. After what felt to Ash like an hour, the arena was filled with applause and cheers. Chants of Will’s name far outnumbered those, if any, of Tetsuya’s. Ash couldn’t decide which was better- silence or ravenous applause? He couldn’t look up. He had to escape the world. He had to get away from what he was hearing.

This felt like the best way to end Ash's experience. He has been too greatly affected by this battle and I thought that I would end it at its peak. He starts to cheer up, as this is part of the emotional effects of Sheer Cold. We'll see other darker attacks affecting him in similar ways, as well as other characters.

Tetsuya looked up at Will, who was also wordless as he returned his Jynx to its pokeball. Both trainers turned around at the same time to leave the stadium, to prepare for the deciding second half of the battle.

This was where chapter 2 had once ended, but I wanted the most emotional and intense round to be seperate from the others, as it felt wierd when mixed with the first two rounds, which were too generic and natural to work alongside this match. It works well as its own chapter, and the extra description extends it for long enough to make it stand on its own two feet.
TO BE CONTINUED...
The rest of the league section will be completely different from this chapter, and resemble the first two a lot more. So, if you didn't like this chapter, it hopefully won't affect your feelings on the whole. Remember, don't judge a book by its prologue!


Enjoy.

ChaosMage
15th October 2005, 12:46 PM
Sorry for the delay, but I can only really update much at weekends, at least while I've got so much coursework to do. Anyway, here's what you've been waiting for!

Chapter 4: Swampert Training!

May sat quietly, looking around at the applauding audience. She had a sick feeling deep inside. She didn’t know where these feelings were coming from. She glanced down at Ash, who seemed to be in a state of despair. She turned to look at Masemune, whose face had lost all colour and life. She couldn’t handle this anymore. She had to say something, anything.

“Great battle, huh?” she said nervously. She didn’t mean it, and didn’t expect them to believe she did. She looked down at Munchlax, who was sleeping loudly, and Bulbasaur, who was still shivering, but whose bulb had finally settled down and returned to normal. Combusken whispered to Bulbasaur in its own language, and Bulbasaur seemed to agree. It scattered a Razor Leaf attack on the ground, and Combusken quickly used a powerful Ember attack to light them. The pokemon around the fire quickly ran to it and started to enjoy the new warmth. Corphish attempted to squeeze past Combusken and get to the front, but was quickly pushed aside by its larger rival.

“Calm down, Combusken!” May said, angrily. “Ash, return your Corphish! It’s getting so annoying!”

Ash wiped a tear off and stood up, his head bowed. “Guys, watch my seat for me. I gotta go see Tetsuya before the battle restarts,” he said quietly, walking slowly away. Within seconds, he was desperately running off across the arena and into Tetsuya’s preparation room. Pikachu followed after, leaping onto his shoulder. Ash took little notice; he didn’t seem to want to acknowledge anyone.

“Bye, Ash!” May called after him, but he was out of sight in seconds, lost in the crowd. She turned to face Max and Brock, but they were lost in the intense discussion of the match. She thought to herself about what Max had told her earlier- Misty’s gym was hosting cuteness contests. That meant that she would be battling on a water field with Skitty. And, since Ash and Brock were bound to want to visit Misty as soon as possible when they went home to Kanto, she would have to be prepared for the contest as soon as the league was over.

She would need to practise Skitty’s cutest moves. Blizzard and most of its Assist moves weren’t quite right for a category based on cute attacks. Luckily, Skitty had an advantage already because of its appearance, but what other moves did Skitty know? She took out her pokedex, to try and find the answers.

“Skitty, the Kitten Pokemon. Skitty is a rare pokemon known for…” the pokedex said, and May pressed a button for its attacks, not wanting to hear the rest. “Skitty can learn the following attacks; Growl, Tackle, Tail Whip, Attract, Sing, Doubleslap, Assist, Charm, Faint Attack, Covet, Heal Bell and Double-Edge.”

May went through them in her head- Growl and Tail Whip were both cute moves, and so were moves like Sing, Attract and Charm. So she had to focus on those moves for now.

Her second problem was the idea of battling on water- Skitty had never done so before. It couldn’t swim, so it would be confined to a tiny piece of ice or rock in the middle of the pool. So practise was needed in battling pokemon in the water without actually going in the pool itself. So she needed to battle some water pokemon.

“Corphish!” she said aloud, turning to face Ash’s remaining pokemon. But she was shocked to see Grovyle holding Corphish in its arms, as the little crab pokemon struggled and shrieked. It seemed to be trying to attack Combusken, who was egging the angry little crab on. Bulbasaur and Beautifly were both trying to calm down Combusken, a difficult task when the chicken pokemon was twice their size. Bulbasaur’s bulb had gone back to a fierce glow. Glalie and Torkoal were trying to prevent Corphish causing further insanity, but it desperately carried on trying to attack Combusken. Mudkip, Forretress and Ludicolo were trying to avoid getting involved, as were Masemune’s pokemon. Max and Brock were also making no effort to stop the brawl. Men, May thought. She would have to take care of this herself.

“Combusken, return!” she said, returning the agitated chicken to its pokeball. Grovyle lowered Corphish onto its seat, holding its claws down. Glalie took the chance to fire an Ice Beam on its limbs, freezing the struggling crab onto the chair. “Great job, guys,” she said, smiling. Grovyle and Glalie grinned at each other before returning to their seats, ignoring Corphish’s protests, and resuming a conversation with Torkoal.

Swellow, who had been watching these events quietly, suddenly took to the air, flying to Beautifly and invitingly speaking to it. Beautifly nodded and the two flew up into the bright summer sky. Clearly they were planning to go for a fly around during the interval. Suddenly, Swellow stopped in mid-air and flew back down to Masemune’s Gligar. The two briefly spoke, before both flying off with Beautifly away from the stadium.

This made May and Masemune smile, and May turned to look at Masemune’s pokemon. She had a sudden thought- Swampert! That would be a better opponent than either of Brock’s water pokemon, and Corphish was better off avoided at the moment.

“Masemune,” she said nervously, “do you think I could battle your Swampert, just quickly before the match restarts?”

Masemune looked at her, surprised. “Why?” he asked.

“Because I need practise battling water pokemon so I can challenge the Cerulean Gym Contest,” she explained, “and your Swampert would be a great opponent!”

“Sure!” Masemune said, getting up with Swampert and running out of the stadium. He turned around again, a heated expression on his round face. “Let’s go! We need to get back into practise if we’re going to storm the Battle Frontier!”

“Just a sec’,” May said, shadily returning Bulbasaur and Munchlax to their pokeballs. “OK, I’m ready now!” She also got up, Skitty in her arms, and ran after Masemune.

************************************************** ************************************************** ***********

“OK, so it’s a one-on-one battle between your Swampert and my Skitty!” May called to Masemune, as Skitty walked forward into the mini-arena outside the very same caf&#233; they had been eating in before.

“And, let’s say, the loser buys dinner for the victor tonight,” Masemune said, as Swampert also entered the arena.

“OK, sounds good!” May said, pointing at Swampert. “I say ladies first, use Assist, Skitty!”

Skitty meowed happily, raising its glowing paw. A great ring of fire surrounded Swampert, causing little damage on the water creature.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Masemune said, almost laughing. “Use your Muddy Water attack, Swampert!”

Swampert raised its arms up so that they were in-line with its shoulders, and a great rumble filled the arena. Out of nowhere, a huge waterfall of mucky brown water struck Skitty, sticking it to the ground and covering it in foul-smelling mud.

“Skitty!” May called out, watching Skitty struggle and fail to escape its filthy prison.

“And for my next attack…” Masemune said, when a small purple pokemon appeared out of the sky in a matter of seconds, landing on his head. It playfully covered Masemune’s eyes with its claws, and hugged its trainer lovingly. “Gligar!” the shocked trainer called out, “This isn’t the time! Go back on your little flight! I’ve got this battle in the bag, you’re not needed here!”

Gligar released him, looking upset and insulted. It cross its arms in mid-air, sticking its tongue out. “Don’t be like that, Gligar,” Masemune said, sorry for insulting his good friend. “It’s just that I’m battling at the moment, and this really isn’t the time to play around.” Gligar happily nodded, and resumed flight.

As Gligar flew off into the sky again and out of sight, May took her chance at another attack (and hopefully a more successful one). “Skitty, use Assist again!” she cried out desperately, and Skitty’s paw started glowing again. This had to work, she thought.

“Focus Punch, Swampert!” Masemune ordered, as Swampert held back its fist for a powerful punch. Skitty couldn’t survive one of the strongest physical attacks ever known. And it couldn’t escape! But, just as it seemed hopeless, Skitty’s Assist finally took the form of several long, gooey strings of liquid. May couldn’t believe it, it was impossible! The strands of goo materialised around Swampert’s poised fist, as it tried to shake the sticky gloop off. “Attack anyway!” Masemune commanded, and the punch came down despite May’s attempts.

“Charm, Skitty!” May commanded desperately, knowing that her loss was imminent. Skitty smiled at Swampert in the sweetest manner it could. The big, blue brute stopped in its tracks, blushing, and lowering to its knees and dropping its hands down to the ground.

May suddenly started laughing, and Masemune gasped in horror. Swampert’s string-covered hand was stuck in the mud it had created. It struggled and pulled, but fell down on its backside, realising it was no use.

“Nice to see we’re playing a little game of Stuck-in-the-Mud, eh Masemune? Assist, Skitty!” May ordered, smiling cheekily.

And, for the second time, Assist came through for Skitty. It shot a Razor Leaf attack straight at Masemune, striking it several times with the sharpened leaves. It tried to block itself with its free arm, but was certainly feeling the strength of the attack.

“You may have prevented the use of Swampert’s hands, but you can’t stop this!” Masemune said, aggressively. “Use Hydro Pump, Swampert!”

A large jet of water emerged from Swampert’s mouth, when May suddenly remembered something from Tetsuya’s last battle that she could use to her advantage- “Blizzard!” she ordered.

Skitty also used its strongest attack, Blizzard. A great snowstorm fired out of the tiny pokemon. Masemune and Swampert both stumbled, as the icy onslaught threw them back in shock.

The blast of water was frozen in mid-air by Skitty’s attack, hitting the ground as a huge ball of ice, just as Shiftry’s Shadow Ball had not long before. Swampert and Masemune both gasped in surprise. It couldn’t be possible! How could it be true?

“Assist!” May commanded, and Skitty started building up what appeared to be a Solar Beam attack. May looked just as surprised as Masemune and Swampert at this. This strange attack had appeared not long ago at the Grand Festival, and her mother had believed that Munchlax was the source of the attack.

“Quick, use Rain Dance, Swampert!” Masemune commanded, as Swampert started dancing (which wasn’t easy with one of its hands stuck to the ground). Suddenly, torrential rain started pouring from the sky from nowhere. With the sun, the source of Solar Beam’s power, blocked out, the attack building in Skitty’s mouth got smaller and less shiny by the second.

The attack finally left Skitty, striking Swampert, but it wasn’t strong enough to knock it out due to the immense weakening of the blast, and simply knocked it back, its trapped hand now free from the muddy puddle. It also shock off the soaked gloop from its hand.

“Looks like the rain not only weakened your pokemon’s attack, but freed my Swampert from your other attack!” Masemune said cockily, before suddenly stopping in his tracks. “Wait a minute! I just realised something- how did your Skitty use all those attacks? Munchlax and Bulbasaur were left at the stadium and Beautifly’s flying around with Swellow and Gligar! They have to be nearby for the attacks to work, don’t they?”

“OK, I’ll admit that I returned Bulbasaur and Munchlax to their pokeballs so Skitty could use those attacks, but you’ve got me on Beautifly’s String Shot attack. I don’t have any other pokemon that can even learn that attack, so I can’t think how it could have happened,” she said, also confused. “Anyway, use Blizzard, Skitty!”

Skitty fired another Blizzard attack, which froze several raindrops on the way before striking and freezing Swampert. The attack was actually strong enough to freeze a pokemon the size of an adult man into an iceberg! Just like Shiftry, May thought quietly. And the frozen rain also stayed perfectly in place through some miracle. Skitty was now facing a small bridge of ice leading up to Swampert.

“Climb up that bridge, Skitty!” May ordered, and Skitty clambered up the icy path and stopped on top of Swampert’s frozen sculpture. “Now, use Assist!”

Skitty raised its glowing paw once again, before punching Swampert’s sculpture, flames erupting from its fist and circling the frozen pokemon, melting the ice completely.

“Not Fire Spin!” May cried in shock. “I wish I’d left Combusken with that stupid Corphish!”

Swampert shook Skitty off its head, knocking it into the mud that remained from Swampert’s first attack. Swampert slowly walked up to Skitty, drawing back its fist for a final Focus Punch. With its glowing fist, angry face and heavy breaths as it stood in the pouring rain, it looked quite terrifying and threatening. May knew then that it was pointless even trying, since Razor Leaf was the only move that could save her, and there was a very small chance of that being used in Assist. But she had to try.

“Assist” she said, weakly and hopelessly. The tiny paw began glowing for what they all knew was the last time. It was never going to happen. Solar Beam would take too long, Silver Wind wouldn’t cut it, String Shot would delay it, but wouldn’t win the match, Fire Spin would be completely useless, but what else did her pokemon know that could win the match for her?

Skitty drew back its glowing paw, just like Swampert had, and quickly jumped up and smacked it across the face, knocking it back and preventing the attack from being able to hit. However, it still stumbled forward, to attack again. Combusken’s Sky Uppercut had saved her after all, and also bought Skitty some time to regain its energy.

“Try again, you have to!” May called out, her hair and face soaking and her voice cracking. “Assist again, you have to do this!”

Skitty meowed weakly, raising its glowing paw for a final attempt. Even more surprisingly, another new attack emerged! A spiral of Petals flew at Swampert, attacking it all over its body. Bulbasaur’s Petal Dance danced around Swampert, until it finally fell. The rain stopped as quickly as it had come. May looked on in shock, as did Masemune. Skitty sat back, sighing.

“You did it, Skitty!” May cried in disbelief, before repeating herself much more loudly. “You did it!”

Skitty turned and jumped into her arms, as she hugged it and looked up at Masemune, who returned his Swampert, giving her a thumbs-up. He seemed satisfied with the battle, and it certainly hadn’t been easy for May to win.

“Good battle, May,” he said, smiling and turning to walk back.

“Yeah, good battle, May!” said a sarcastic young voice behind her.

She turned to the source of this voice, with a shocked look on her face.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Next Chapter- Chapter 5: Unsuitable Confrontation!

In a completely rewritten scene, Ash visits Tetsuya during the battle recess. The two rivals have their first meeting since Ash's defeat, and the result is not what Ash would have liked it to be.

Shadowcat
15th October 2005, 1:54 PM
This is great ChaosMage. I like this new writing style. You've got me engrossed into this fic.

ChaosMage
15th October 2005, 2:19 PM
From now on, these will be done immediately after a chapter is posted, but I really suggest you read the chapter first, because these will ruin a first reading completely.



Chapter 4: Swampert Training!

May sat quietly, looking around at the applauding audience. She had a sick feeling deep inside. She didn’t know where these feelings were coming from. She glanced down at Ash, who seemed to be in a state of despair. She turned to look at Masemune, whose face had lost all colour and life. She couldn’t handle this anymore. She had to say something, anything.

This entire chapter is written from May's perspective, and I wanted her reaction to Sheer Cold to be the first thing shown. This was never in my original plans, as the emotional effects of Sheer Cold weren't originally there either. And, in case you might by some chance be wondering, Masemune's reaction is an importnat character point.

“Great battle, huh?” she said nervously. She didn’t mean it, and didn’t expect them to believe she did. She looked down at Munchlax, who was sleeping loudly, and Bulbasaur, who was still shivering, but whose bulb had finally settled down and returned to normal. Combusken whispered to Bulbasaur in its own language, and Bulbasaur seemed to agree. It scattered a Razor Leaf attack on the ground, and Combusken quickly used a powerful Ember attack to light them. The pokemon around the fire quickly ran to it and started to enjoy the new warmth. Corphish attempted to squeeze past Combusken and get to the front, but was quickly pushed aside by its larger rival.

It's right there- see it?

“Calm down, Combusken!” May said, angrily. “Ash, return your Corphish! It’s getting so annoying!”

Ash wiped a tear off and stood up, his head bowed. “Guys, watch my seat for me. I gotta go see Tetsuya before the battle restarts,” he said quietly, walking slowly away. Within seconds, he was desperately running off across the arena and into Tetsuya’s preparation room. Pikachu followed after, leaping onto his shoulder. Ash took little notice; he didn’t seem to want to acknowledge anyone.

I can't wait for the happy chapters- can't you?

“Bye, Ash!” May called after him, but he was out of sight in seconds, lost in the crowd. She turned to face Max and Brock, but they were lost in the intense discussion of the match. She thought to herself about what Max had told her earlier- Misty’s gym was hosting cuteness contests. That meant that she would be battling on a water field with Skitty. And, since Ash and Brock were bound to want to visit Misty as soon as possible when they went home to Kanto, she would have to be prepared for the contest as soon as the league was over.

Bugger me, May's thinking! What was I on when I wrote that?

She would need to practise Skitty’s cutest moves. Blizzard and most of its Assist moves weren’t quite right for a category based on cute attacks. Luckily, Skitty had an advantage already because of its appearance, but what other moves did Skitty know? She took out her pokedex, to try and find the answers.

“Skitty, the Kitten Pokemon. Skitty is a rare pokemon known for…” the pokedex said, and May pressed a button for its attacks, not wanting to hear the rest. “Skitty can learn the following attacks; Growl, Tackle, Tail Whip, Attract, Sing, Doubleslap, Assist, Charm, Faint Attack, Covet, Heal Bell and Double-Edge.”

This is one of the few Pokedex appearances in this story. It proves very little usefulness in the plot.

May went through them in her head- Growl and Tail Whip were both cute moves, and so were moves like Sing, Attract and Charm. So she had to focus on those moves for now.

The Attackdex is your friend! It is surprisingly useful in writing these stories!

Her second problem was the idea of battling on water- Skitty had never done so before. It couldn’t swim, so it would be confined to a tiny piece of ice or rock in the middle of the pool. So practise was needed in battling pokemon in the water without actually going in the pool itself. So she needed to battle some water pokemon.

I'm sure this made perfect sense when I wrote it.

“Corphish!” she said aloud, turning to face Ash’s remaining pokemon. But she was shocked to see Grovyle holding Corphish in its arms, as the little crab pokemon struggled and shrieked. It seemed to be trying to attack Combusken, who was egging the angry little crab on. Bulbasaur and Beautifly were both trying to calm down Combusken, a difficult task when the chicken pokemon was twice their size. Bulbasaur’s bulb had gone back to a fierce glow. Glalie and Torkoal were trying to prevent Corphish causing further insanity, but it desperately carried on trying to attack Combusken. Mudkip, Forretress and Ludicolo were trying to avoid getting involved, as were Masemune’s pokemon. Max and Brock were also making no effort to stop the brawl. Men, May thought, she would have to take care of this herself.

It's there again! See it? You have to see it!!!

“Combusken, return!” she said, returning the agitated chicken to its pokeball. Grovyle lowered Corphish onto its seat, holding its claws down. Glalie took the chance to fire an Ice Beam on its limbs, freezing the struggling crab onto the chair. “Great job, guys,” she said, smiling. Grovyle and Glalie grinned at each other before returning to their seats, ignoring Corphish’s protests, and resuming a conversation with Torkoal.

I liked writing this, as Corphish is a really hilarious pokemon in general.

Swellow, who had been watching these events quietly, suddenly took to the air, flying to Beautifly and invitingly speaking to it. Beautifly nodded and the two flew up into the bright summer sky. Clearly they were planning to go for a fly around during the interval. Suddenly, Swellow stopped in mid-air and flew back down to Masemune’s Gligar. The two briefly spoke, before both flying off with Beautifly away from the stadium.

This was rewritten many times, as it never quite read well.

This made May and Masemune smile, and May turned to look at Masemune’s pokemon. She had a sudden thought- Swampert! That would be a better opponent than either of Brock’s water pokemon, and Corphish was better off avoided at the moment.

“Masemune,” she said nervously, “do you think I could battle your Swampert, just quickly before the match restarts?”

Masemune looked at her, surprised. “Why?” he asked.

“Because I need practise battling water pokemon so I can challenge the Cerulean Gym Contest,” she explained, “and your Swampert would be a great opponent!”

“Sure!” Masemune said, getting up with Swampert and running out of the stadium. He turned around again, a heated expression on his round face. “Let’s go! We need to get back into practise if we’re going to storm the Battle Frontier!”

“Just a sec’,” May said, shadily returning Bulbasaur and Munchlax to their pokeballs. “OK, I’m ready now!” She also got up, Skitty in her arms, and ran after Masemune.

The idea that Assisted pokemon need to be close is first referred to here.
************************************************** ************************************************** ***********

“OK, so it’s a one-on-one battle between your Swampert and my Skitty!” May called to Masemune, as Skitty walked forward into the mini-arena outside the very same café they had been eating in before.

For a good reason, I swear.

“And, let’s say, the loser buys dinner for the victor tonight,” Masemune said, as Swampert also entered the arena.

Why did I write that? You'll soon see!

“OK, sounds good!” May said, pointing at Swampert. “I say ladies first, use Assist, Skitty!”

Skitty meowed happily, raising its glowing paw. A great ring of fire surrounded Swampert, causing little damage on the water creature.

You really have to be familiar with May's team to understand this battle, as I don't directly refer to all the attacks and their source.

“Is that all you’ve got?” Masemune said, almost laughing. “Use your Muddy Water attack, Swampert!”

Swampert raised its arms up so that they were in-line with its shoulders, and a great rumble filled the arena. Out of nowhere, a huge waterfall of mucky brown water struck Skitty, sticking it to the ground and covering it in foul-smelling mud.

I'm interested to know how Muddy Water really looks. It was either this or a muddy Hyydro Pump.

“Skitty!” May called out, watching Skitty struggle and fail to escape its filthy prison.

“And for my next attack…” Masemune said, when a small purple pokemon appeared out of the sky in a matter of seconds, landing on his head. It playfully covered Masemune’s eyes with its claws, and hugged its trainer lovingly. “Gligar!” the shocked trainer called out, “This isn’t the time! Go back on your little flight! I’ve got this battle in the bag, you’re not needed here!”

This bit was added very late in the process, to give a good clue of how Skitty uses... oops! Said too much!

Gligar released him, looking upset and insulted. It cross its arms in mid-air, sticking its tongue out. “Don’t be like that, Gligar,” Masemune said, sorry for insulting his good friend. “It’s just that I’m battling at the moment, and this really isn’t the time to play around.” Gligar happily nodded, and resumed flight.

This paragraph was new, and shows the basic message of Pokemon quite well. I'm trying to use anime themes as much as possible, especially in early chapters.

As Gligar flew off into the sky again and out of sight, May took her chance at another attack (and hopefully a more successful one). “Skitty, use Assist again!” she cried out desperately, and Skitty’s paw started glowing again. This had to work, she thought.

“Focus Punch, Swampert!” Masemune ordered, as Swampert held back its fist for a powerful punch. Skitty couldn’t survive one of the strongest physical attacks ever known. And it couldn’t escape! But, just as it seemed hopeless, Skitty’s Assist finally took the form of several long, gooey strings of liquid. May couldn’t believe it, it was impossible! The strands of goo materialised around Swampert’s poised fist, as it tried to shake the sticky gloop off. “Attack anyway!” Masemune commanded, and the punch came down despite May’s attempts.

I tried to include as many of May's pokemon's attacks as possible, and the majority do appear, actually.

“Charm, Skitty!” May commanded desperately, knowing that her loss was imminent. Skitty smiled at Swampert in the sweetest manner it could. The big, blue brute stopped in its tracks, blushing, and lowering to its knees and dropping its hands down to the ground.

I also wanted at least one of Skitty's "cute" attacks to be used, to meet the original purpose of the challenge.

May suddenly started laughing, and Masemune gasped in horror. Swampert’s string-covered hand was stuck in the mud it had created. It struggled and pulled, but fell down on its backside, realising it was no use.

“Nice to see we’re playing a little game of Stuck-in-the-Mud, eh Masemune? Assist, Skitty!” May ordered, smiling cheekily.

Does that game exist in America? Basically, it's like Tig, or Tag, or whatever it's called. When caught, someone has to stand still with their legs open. Someone else who is free has to run through their legs to free them. It's a fun little kid's game and a popular favourite in Britain.

And, for the second time, Assist came through for Skitty. It shot a Razor Leaf attack straight at Masemune, striking it several times with the sharpened leaves. It tried to block itself with its free arm, but was certainly feeling the strength of the attack.

Swampert seems too tough here. It doesn't make sense compared to the anime version, where it was OHKO'ed by Corphish after ANOTHER random explosion.

“You may have prevented the use of Swampert’s hands, but you can’t stop this!” Masemune said, aggressively. “Use Hydro Pump, Swampert!”

A large jet of water emerged from Swampert’s mouth, when May suddenly remembered something from Tetsuya’s last battle that she could use to her advantage- “Blizzard!” she ordered.

Skitty also used its strongest attack, Blizzard. A great snowstorm fired out of the tiny pokemon. Masemune and Swampert both stumbled, as the icy onslaught threw them back in shock.

The blast of water was frozen in mid-air by Skitty’s attack, hitting the ground as a huge ball of ice, just as Shiftry’s Shadow Ball had not long before. Swampert and Masemune both gasped in surprise. It couldn’t be possible! How could it be true?

The frozen attack theme will appear quite a few times. It's one of my original favourites.

“Assist!” May commanded, and Skitty started building up what appeared to be a Solar Beam attack. May looked just as surprised as Masemune and Swampert at this. This strange attack had appeared not long ago at the Grand Festival, and her mother had believed that Munchlax was the source of the attack.

That's an anime reference right there!!!

“Quick, use Rain Dance, Swampert!” Masemune commanded, as Swampert started dancing (which wasn’t easy with one of its hands stuck to the ground). Suddenly, torrential rain started pouring from the sky from nowhere. With the sun, the source of Solar Beam’s power, blocked out, the attack building in Skitty’s mouth got smaller and less shiny by the second.

I also use the weather attacks a bit too much, and they seem to be learned by the gang's pokemon with no explanation. But I'll fix that in my own way, as you'll see.

The attack finally left Skitty, striking Swampert, but it wasn’t strong enough to knock it out due to the immense weakening of the blast, and simply knocked it back, its trapped hand now free from the muddy puddle. It also shock off the soaked gloop from its hand.

“Looks like the rain not only weakened your pokemon’s attack, but freed my Swampert from your other attack!” Masemune said cockily, before suddenly stopping in his tracks. “Wait a minute! I just realised something- how did your Skitty use all those attacks? Munchlax and Bulbasaur were left at the stadium and Beautifly’s flying around with Swellow and Gligar! They have to be nearby for the attacks to work, don’t they?”

I just thought I'd confuse you all even more!

“OK, I’ll admit that I returned Bulbasaur and Munchlax to their pokeballs so Skitty could use those attacks, but you’ve got me on Beautifly’s String Shot attack. I don’t have any other pokemon that can even learn that attack, so I can’t think how it could have happened,” she said, also confused. “Anyway, use Blizzard, Skitty!”

Skitty fired another Blizzard attack, which froze several raindrops on the way before striking and freezing Swampert. The attack was actually strong enough to freeze a pokemon the size of an adult man into an iceberg! Just like Shiftry, May thought quietly. And the frozen rain also stayed perfectly in place through some miracle. Skitty was now facing a small bridge of ice leading up to Swampert.

Super Skitty is not freakishly strong in this battle, as some of my readers have claimed, and Swampert is by no means weak. Swampert takes many strong hits, including three grass attacks, while Skitty is just lucky. This luck will be put to test in Kanto, however.

“Climb up that bridge, Skitty!” May ordered, and Skitty clambered up the icy path and stopped on top of Swampert’s frozen sculpture. “Now, use Assist!”

Skitty raised its glowing paw once again, before punching Swampert’s sculpture, flames erupting from its fist and circling the frozen pokemon, melting the ice completely.

“Not Fire Spin!” May cried in shock. “I wish I’d left Combusken with that stupid Corphish!”

May will wonder why she thought this not long from now.

Swampert shook Skitty off its head, knocking it into the mud that remained from Swampert’s first attack. Swampert slowly walked up to Skitty, drawing back its fist for a final Focus Punch. With its glowing fist, angry face and heavy breaths as it stood in the pouring rain, it looked quite terrifying and threatening. May knew then that it was pointless even trying, since Razor Leaf was the only move that could save her, and there was a very small chance of that being used in Assist. But she had to try.

One attack that I fixed was Focus Punch. As in the games, it is extremely powerful, but takes some time to aim correctly, and fails if hit by an attack.

“Assist” she said, weakly and hopelessly. The tiny paw began glowing for what they all knew was the last time. It was never going to happen. Solar Beam would take too long, Silver Wind wouldn’t cut it, String Shot would delay it, but wouldn’t win the match, Fire Spin would be completely useless, but what else did her pokemon know that could win the match for her?

Yes, Petal Dance is obvious, but Skitty has never used it as an Assist, so this should be forgivable.

Skitty drew back its glowing paw, just like Swampert had, and quickly jumped up and smacked it across the face, knocking it back and preventing the attack from being able to hit. However, it still stumbled forward, to attack again. Combusken’s Sky Uppercut had saved her after all, and also bought Skitty some time to regain its energy.

“Try again, you have to!” May called out, her hair and face soaking and her voice cracking. “Assist again, you have to do this!”

How many "final" Assists are used in this battle? And this battle has gotten pretty intense, actually.

Skitty meowed weakly, raising its glowing paw for a final attempt. Even more surprisingly, another new attack emerged! A spiral of Petals flew at Swampert, attacking it all over its body. Bulbasaur’s Petal Dance danced around Swampert, until it finally fell. The rain stopped as quickly as it had come. May looked on in shock, as did Masemune. Skitty sat back, sighing.

In my version, when a battle ends, the weather immediately resumes normality. All in all, I liked this battle, and it really tested May and Skitty's abilities. To be fair, May really had this a bit too easy due to the grass attack advantage. Alone, Skitty would have lost to the first Focus Punch.

“You did it, Skitty!” May cried in disbelief, before repeating herself much more loudly. “You did it!”

Skitty turned and jumped into her arms, as she hugged it and looked up at Masemune, who returned his Swampert, giving her a thumbs-up. He seemed satisfied with the battle, and it certainly hadn’t been easy for May to win.

“Good battle, May,” he said, smiling and turning to walk back.

“Yeah, good battle, May!” said a sarcastic young voice behind her.

She turned to the source of this voice, with a shocked look on her face.

Who is it? I want to know!!!

TO BE CONTINUED…

I was satisfied with this battle, and I think it was one of the better new additions to the rewrite. This is my favourite chapter so far, but some later chapters will be even batter!

Magi of all
15th October 2005, 8:18 PM
Very good job. I like the new title aswell. Your last one was to long. The comentary is really fun to hear, although you reviel a bit to much in it. BTW, that game is still played, just not that often.

Matt Silver
16th October 2005, 1:47 AM
Nice to see you rewrite it. thanks for the PM i would not have been alerted any other way. Keep at it.

DANdotW
16th October 2005, 10:35 AM
Great rewrites, CM. Loved every bit, especially the new annotations on the chapters. I think you've outdone yourself on these, your older chapters were good, but at the start of the story, they were, in the nicest way possible, a load of crap. I know you agree with me there, else you wouldn't have rewritten them, so I know you can understand what is going on. I love the character thing going on too, how May is turning into a right Ash and Ash is actually starting to think and becoming a little bit quieter and a little more modest. Keep up the excellent work, CM, look forward to getting onto the Elite 4 chapters.

Hunter

Raito
18th October 2005, 12:21 AM
I really like it. Better than original, and that was excellent! keep it up

ChaosMage
25th October 2005, 2:35 PM
OK, dudes, I will have a few chapters up this week. Unfortunately, Chapter 5 will take a while because, unlike the others, it is a completely new piece of writing. I refuse to rush it and I am determined to get it right. So bear with me, because it'll become easier after this.

ChaosMage
12th November 2005, 2:03 PM
Sorry for the delay, but this chapter needed to be entirely rewritten, and that is no easy task with all the coursework I've got nowadays.

OK, here it is, Chapter 5. I like this chapter, as there are some nice character moments, as well as some MAJOR foreshadowing. Here it comes!

Chapter 5: Unsuitable Confrontation!

Ash ran. He ran as fast as he could. He ran so fast that his legs ached and his stomach cramped. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. But something had to be done, or said, in order to fix this feeling. That Sheer Cold attack- he had seen things he had never wanted to see. Memories he wasn’t sure he remembered, visions that he could never have imagined, and voices that he was scared to find the face of. A bright purple light in the fog- a shining figure atop a tall mountain, with eyes that looked warm despite the cold sting of the ice around him. There was a great winged beast flying high above it, roaring victoriously. There was a deep voice, of a man Ash was sure he knew. He heard his own name, but he couldn’t decipher the rest. Was this the past, something yet to come, or his own wild imagination? Frankly, he didn’t want to know.

Pikachu was saying something (in English would have been nice!), but Ash could barely hear it. He didn’t want to hear anyone say anything, in whatever language. He just wanted to look Tetsuya in the eye and… something would happen. He didn’t know what. Maybe they should have a rematch? No- he had no pokemon with him except Pikachu. Maybe he should challenge him for later? Yes, that was a good idea! But would it really be worth it? He couldn’t decide! He didn’t know what to do, or think.

After a few hours, or seconds (he didn’t really care, but it certainly felt like hours), he reached the door and held out his arm. He wasn’t close enough. He took a small step forward, but still couldn’t reach the door handle. He refused to step any further forward. He couldn’t do this. Suddenly, Pikachu had run up Ash’s arm, and leapt onto the door handle. It slowly came down, and the door creaked open.

Tetsuya was sitting with his Meowth, both of which looked very depressed. Since both had looked Sheer Cold in the face, they must have been even more affected than Ash had been. Tetsuya looked up, and stared Ash in the eye. His eyes had lost the brown colour that had made him look so friendly, and his hair was no longer as messy and spiky, more wet and sloppy. He was soaked from head to toe, and was shivering through his teeth. Ash couldn’t remember anymore- why had he even come here?

“Ash?” Tetsuya said nervously. “What are you doing here? I was just getting ready for the rest of the battle.”

Ash suddenly noticed something. A bright orange light was shining from the other side of the room. He looked to the source of it, and saw Tetsuya’s Shiftry lying on the floor, shivering wildly. It’s large yellow eyes were set, bulging out of its face. It’s messy white hair was soaked, and its arms seemed to be frozen stiff. Then again, Ash thought, being frozen solid by such a horrific attack as Sheer Cold couldn’t have been very pleasant for a pokemon with such a strong ice weakness.

Standing above Shiftry was one of Tetsuya’s strongest pokemon, Sceptile. Sceptile was the evolved form of Grovyle, and considering the power of Ash’s grass lizard, this one must be far stronger. If anything, Glalie tying with Sceptile in their battle was just a fluke- that explosion could have knocked virtually any pokemon out. Sceptile’s body seemed to be glowing, and there were orange streaks of light emerging from its long, sleek body, and they appeared to be helping Shiftry, who was starting to calm down.

Tetsuya suddenly stood up, and slowly walked up to Ash. “What did you think of the battle?” he asked.

“Well,” said Ash, nervously. What could he say? “Your pokemon were really great, I had no idea they were that strong.”

“Well, we’ve really had to up our game this time,” said Tetsuya, looking at the ground. “Will’s the toughest trainer I’ve ever faced, by far.”

“What do you mean?” Ash shouted, without realising this leap in volume. “Wasn’t I just as tough? Just because I’m not ‘elite 4 standard’ doesn’t mean I’m not just as good!”

“Ash, have you ever beaten an Elite 4 trainer?” Tetsuya said, trying to keep Ash as calm as possible. “Will’s a step above both of us- I’ve only been lucky so far. If Starmie and Xatu hadn’t been so badly hurt by accident, I would never have beaten either of them- and that Jynx is no laughing matter, I’ve never seen an attack that strong!”

“Well, my Swellow was good enough to take down Donphan and Hariyama, and Torkoal beat Shiftry pretty easily! I’m just as good as you AND Will, admit it!” Ash roared, not even thinking of what he was saying. “I came so close to being the one facing Will, and I bet I could beat him!”

“Then why don’t you just prove it?” Tetsuya shouted, having given up on controlling his friend. “Challenge Will to a battle, and see if you can win!”

“Fine! I will!” Ash yelled, going for the door.

“And when you win, you can take on the Hoenn Elite 4, and we can see how that turns out!” Tetsuya said, quieter, but still with a painful venom. “If you had beaten me you’d have been given that opportunity anyway!”

“What?” Ash said, also calming down. “What do you mean by that?”

“The Top 4 trainers in the league get to challenge the Elite 4, and so do the champions from the other leagues,” Tetsuya explained. “I’ve already been given the Gauntlet Pass.” He held up a silver and gold ticket, which reflected off of Sceptile’s shining light.

“And only Top 4 trainers can challenge them?” Ash asked.

“That’s not the only way, but you have to defeat another qualified trainer to get their pass,” Tetsuya explained. “When you defeat all four on four consecutive days, playing by their chosen rules, you get the chance to battle the Hoenn Champion.”

“Has anyone ever won it before?” Ash asked, his eyes beaming.

Tetsuya also seemed to be lighting up at the thought of winning the championship. “Well, the current champion won only two years ago. There was another trainer who came really close, and he’s even partaking in this league- he was a gym leader until recently. He’s in the Top 4, but he already has a pass to battle the champion, so I don’t think he’ll bother battling the Elite 4 all over again.”

“And who is this champion?” Ash asked.

“You’ll just have to find out- won’t you, Ash?” Tetsuya said, raising his eyebrow. “But you don’t have a pass, you can’t challenge them anyway.”

“Tell you what, I’ll challenge Will to a battle, and make him bet his pass on it!” Ash said, triumphantly. “And then we’ll see who the real champion of Hoenn is! This league was just the preliminaries- we’re battling with the big boys now!”

“Well, we only have about five minutes left, so I guess you should go and challenge Will now,” said Tetsuya, heading to his Shiftry, who was now almost fully recovered. “He’s in the opposite prep room; I’d hurry if I were you!”

“Sure, and you’d better watch out, because Ash Ketchum- Pokemon Master- is ready to roll!” Ash shouted, punching the air on his way out.

The door closed, and Tetsuya returned to his seat, staring at the glimmering Gauntlet Pass.

“Oh, and Tetsuya,” Ash’s voice said from behind the door. “Good luck in the battle!”

“Thanks, Ash,” Tetsuya said, smiling and suddenly feeling dry, warm and confident. “Good luck to you, too.”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next Chapter: Chapter 6: You Son of a Birch!

May and Masemune encounter the most arrogant trainer since Gary, Brendan Birch. Unlike his kind-natured father, Professor Birch, Brendan forces his pokemon to battle their hardest, training their attacks to be the strongest they can and neglecting everything else. How will this confrontation turn out? Well, if you've read the original, you already know!

ChaosMage
12th November 2005, 2:38 PM
And, you know what's next. Here's the running commentary on Chapter 5. Overall, I did really enjoy writing this chapter, and I wanted it to be just right. That's why it took so long! I hope you all liked it, because it is the most important chapter for a while. This commentary is awkward for me, as I can't give too much away. Anyhoo...


Chapter 5: Unsuitable Confrontation!

Ash ran. He ran as fast as he could. He ran so fast that his legs ached and his stomach cramped. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. But something had to be done, or said, in order to fix this feeling. That Sheer Cold attack- he had seen things he had never wanted to see. Memories he wasn’t sure he remembered, visions that he could never have imagined, and voices that he was scared to find the face of. A bright purple light in the fog- a shining figure atop a tall mountain, with eyes that looked warm despite the cold sting of the ice around him. There was a great winged beast flying high above it, roaring victoriously. There was a deep voice, of a man Ash was sure he knew. He heard his own name, but he couldn’t decipher the rest. Was this the past, something yet to come, or his own wild imagination? Frankly, he didn’t want to know.

Yes, this paragraph is important! This is the most important bit to the story you will read in this entire league storyline- it is vital!

Pikachu was saying something (in English would have been nice!), but Ash could barely hear it. He didn’t want to hear anyone say anything, in whatever language. He just wanted to look Tetsuya in the eye and… something would happen. He didn’t know what. Maybe they should have a rematch? No- he had no pokemon with him except Pikachu. Maybe he should challenge him for later? Yes, that was a good idea! But would it really be worth it? He couldn’t decide! He didn’t know what to do, or think.

I wanted Ash's conflicted thoughts to be done just right, as this is the last chapter where he really has these stroppy feelings. I wanted the overload of hormones to seem really final.

After a few hours, or seconds (he didn’t really care, but it certainly felt like hours), he reached the door and held out his arm. He wasn’t close enough. He took a small step forward, but still couldn’t reach the door handle. He refused to step any further forward. He couldn’t do this. Suddenly, Pikachu had run up Ash’s arm, and leapt onto the door handle. It slowly came down, and the door creaked open.

I hate making that rat useful! I'm trying to use it as much as possible, as it is always there doing very little in these stories, and sometimes I need to remind you guys that they are there.

Tetsuya was sitting with his Meowth, both of which looked very depressed. Since both had looked Sheer Cold in the face, they must have been even more affected than Ash had been. Tetsuya looked up, and stared Ash in the eye. His eyes had lost the brown colour that had made him look so friendly, and his hair was no longer as messy and spiky, more wet and sloppy. He was soaked from head to toe, and was shivering through his teeth. Ash couldn’t remember anymore- why had he even come here?

I was unsure how to describe Tetsuya, and then describe him looking dishevelled like this. He's a good-looking guy, so this discription plays off of this.

“Ash?” Tetsuya said nervously. “What are you doing here? I was just getting ready for the rest of the battle.”

Ash suddenly noticed something. A bright orange light was shining from the other side of the room. He looked to the source of it, and saw Tetsuya’s Shiftry lying on the floor, shivering wildly. It’s large yellow eyes were set, bulging out of its face. It’s messy white hair was soaked, and its arms seemed to be frozen stiff. Then again, Ash thought, being frozen solid by such a horrific attack as Sheer Cold couldn’t have been very pleasant for a pokemon with such a strong ice weakness.

The physical effects of Sheer Cold will become even more terrifying to Ash when he enters the Gauntlet- as old readers will know.

Standing above Shiftry was one of Tetsuya’s strongest pokemon, Sceptile. Sceptile was the evolved form of Grovyle, and considering the power of Ash’s grass lizard, this one must be far stronger. If anything, Glalie tying with Sceptile in their battle was just a fluke- that explosion could have knocked virtually any pokemon out. Sceptile’s body seemed to be glowing, and there were orange streaks of light emerging from its long, sleek body, and they appeared to be helping Shiftry, who was starting to calm down.

This throwback to the battle was necessary, in my opinion, as the explosion really was just a fluke. There are many pokemon that lost by this rather cheap way, and I have repented them in these early chapters. The other example is Swampert. Also, I wanted Ash to really have to think again about his previous losses and wins and the reasonings behind them, which we'll see more of later.

Tetsuya suddenly stood up, and slowly walked up to Ash. “What did you think of the battle?” he asked.

“Well,” said Ash, nervously. What could he say? “Your pokemon were really great, I had no idea they were that strong.”

“Well, we’ve really had to up our game this time,” said Tetsuya, looking at the ground. “Will’s the toughest trainer I’ve ever faced, by far.”

This conversation was pretty much the only conversation in the original, but I reworked and expaned it, as you will know if you were smart and read the chapter first!

“What do you mean?” Ash shouted, without realising this leap in volume. “Wasn’t I just as tough? Just because I’m not ‘elite 4 standard’ doesn’t mean I’m not just as good!”

“Ash, have you ever beaten an Elite 4 trainer?” Tetsuya said, trying to keep Ash as calm as possible. “Will’s a step above both of us- I’ve only been lucky so far. If Starmie and Xatu hadn’t been so badly hurt by accident, I would never have beaten either of them- and that Jynx is no laughing matter, I’ve never seen an attack that strong!”

Again, the idea of "fluke victories" are visited in this chapter.

“Well, my Swellow was good enough to take down Donphan and Hariyama, and Torkoal beat Shiftry pretty easily! I’m just as good as you AND Will, admit it!” Ash roared, not even thinking of what he was saying. “I came so close to being the one facing Will, and I bet I could beat him!”

“Then why don’t you just prove it?” Tetsuya shouted, having given up on controlling his friend. “Challenge Will to a battle, and see if you can win!”

Guess what Ash does a couple of chapters from now!

“Fine! I will!” Ash yelled, going for the door.

“And when you win, you can take on the Hoenn Elite 4, and we can see how that turns out!” Tetsuya said, quieter, but still with a painful venom. “If you had beaten me you’d have been given that opportunity anyway!”

“What?” Ash said, also calming down. “What do you mean by that?”

“The Top 4 trainers in the league get to challenge the Elite 4, and so do the champions from the other leagues,” Tetsuya explained. “I’ve already been given the Gauntlet Pass.” He held up a silver and gold ticket, which reflected off of Sceptile’s shining light.

The Gauntlet Pass is new to this rewrite, and is essentially just the ticket for entry to the challenge. You'll see soon how Ash gets his!

“And only Top 4 trainers can challenge them?” Ash asked.

“That’s not the only way, but you have to defeat another qualified trainer to get their pass,” Tetsuya explained. “When you defeat all four on four consecutive days, playing by their chosen rules, you get the chance to battle the Hoenn Champion.”

“Has anyone ever won it before?” Ash asked, his eyes beaming.

Tetsuya also seemed to be lighting up at the thought of winning the championship. “Well, the current champion won only two years ago. There was another trainer who came really close, and he’s even partaking in this league- he was a gym leader until recently. He’s in the Top 4, but he already has a pass to battle the champion, so I don’t think he’ll bother battling the Elite 4 all over again.”

In case anyone here hasn't figured it out, I won't say who it is. But I can reveal that he will become an important character in future chapters.

“And who is this champion?” Ash asked.

“You’ll just have to find out- won’t you, Ash?” Tetsuya said, raising his eyebrow. “But you don’t have a pass, you can’t challenge them anyway.”

“Tell you what, I’ll challenge Will to a battle, and make him bet his pass on it!” Ash said, triumphantly. “And then we’ll see who the real champion of Hoenn is! This league was just the preliminaries- we’re battling with the big boys now!”

“Well, we only have about five minutes left, so I guess you should go and challenge Will now,” said Tetsuya, heading to his Shiftry, who was now almost fully recovered. “He’s in the opposite prep room; I’d hurry if I were you!”

“Sure, and you’d better watch out, because Ash Ketchum- Pokemon Master- is ready to roll!” Ash shouted, punching the air on his way out.

Now, that's the Ash we know!

The door closed, and Tetsuya returned to his seat, staring at the glimmering Gauntlet Pass.

“Oh, and Tetsuya,” Ash’s voice said from behind the door. “Good luck in the battle!”

“Thanks, Ash,” Tetsuya said, smiling and suddenly feeling dry, warm and confident. “Good luck to you, too.”

I kept adding and removing endings, but this original choice was always the best option. I really liked it.

TO BE CONTINUED...

ChaosMage
12th November 2005, 5:03 PM
OK, I've got the next chapter here. I have hardly made any changes, since I think that expanding anything here would drag it out too much. Enjoy, as this is one of my favourite early chapters, even if it is a bit short.

Chapter 6: You Son of a Birch!

“Brendan!” May said in shock, as she stared angrily at the white-haired, cocky-looking individual in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

Brendan stood before her, running his fingers through his thick hair, and smiling cheekily. “I’m in the league- haven’t you seen me?”

“No, and I wouldn’t want to!” May growled, with an obvious detest for this person.

“What, May? I thought you were one of my many adoring fans!” Brendan said, every word sounding like venom, striking a dagger in each of May’s ears. May heard a s******, and noticed for the first time that a roughened and strong-looking Manectric was standing by Brendan, grinning sarcastically. Great, May thought, his pokemon are as bad as him!

“Adoring fans? Do you actually have any?” May said, a large vein slowly inflating on her forehead.

“Well, you don’t become a Top 4 trainer in your first ever league without gaining a few disciples, do you?”

“Disciples? Are you kidding?” May said, laughing. “Everyone I know who’s ever met you despises you!”

“That’s because everyone you know, whether they’ve met me or not, is a loser!” Brendan said, glaring with a toxic glint in his eyes. “Which reminds me, how long have you been tagging along with Ash Ketchum?”

“Don’t you dare say anything about Ash- he’s twice the trainer you are!” May shouted through grinding teeth.

“Well, I guess he’s a Top 8 trainer and I’m a Top 4 trainer, he is in a mathematical sense twice what I am,” he turned to face Masemune, who had wisely avoided joining the conversation. “But, by that logic, your pudgy little friend here is four times the trainer that I am.”

“Hey, shut up!” Masemune shouted. “What makes you feel so superior to everyone else? You haven’t won the league yet, Brendan!”

“Ahem, that’s Mr. Birch to you, Porky. Either that or “Sir”. Although “Your Majesty” would also be a nice little title. But those are all old, I’m a bit sick of them, maybe you can think of an original one, as much as I doubt it. I’ll bet that if you can avoid thinking about Twinkies for a couple of hours you’ll think of something vaguely good eventually.”

“That’s it!” Masemune said, lunging at Brendan. Unfortunately, May stopped him and held him back just inches away from the young trainer.

“He’s not worth it, Masemune,” she said, as he struggled and roared at Brendan. The young trainer turned around to leave, and Manectric followed, s******ing happily at its master’s cheek and the huge lump’s infuriation. “You’re just as bad as Corphish,” May growled, before he finally managed to break out.

“OK, Mr. Birch, if you won’t fight me with fists, how about with pokemon?”

“Fine, Tubby.” Brendan said, drawing two pokeballs. “I’ll take you both on!”

“What?” May said, shocked. “As in, me and Masemune battle you?”

“Yes, aren’t you the smart one today, cutie pie?” Brendan said, winking at a snarling May.

“Fine!” May roared. “Go, Combusken!”

“I choose Steelix!” Masemune called out, sending the huge Iron Snake pokemon into battle.

“OK, I choose these two!” Brendan called out, sending out his two pokeballs. “Prepare for the easiest battle of my life!”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Next Chapter: Chapter 7- An Interval With A Campfire!

Max and Brock discuss the future around Torkoal's campfire, and excitedly await Max's imminent tenth birthday. Max is excited about his first pokemon, while Brock is keen to go home and visit his family. We also get to see the hilarious antics of Ash, May and Masemune's pokemon when their trainers aren't around...

ChaosMage
12th November 2005, 5:26 PM
I liked Chapter 6 a lot, and I feel that it is one of the far more lighthearted and enjoyable chapters, after the previous ones were so intense. Brendan is a great character to write, and all of the characters give some very funny moments. There are few comdey chapters, so enjoy this one!



Chapter 6: You Son of a Birch!

What was I thinking with that title? It fits, but that is REALLY unsuitable!

“Brendan!” May said in shock, as she stared angrily at the white-haired, cocky-looking individual in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

Brendan stood before her, running his fingers through his thick hair, and smiling cheekily. “I’m in the league- haven’t you seen me?”

Brendan, as well as Will and another unconfirmed character, were added to the league simply so they could have a reason to feature later on. He was always in the original, but this rewrite does a lot more with the character.

“No, and I wouldn’t want to!” May growled, with an obvious detest for this person.

“What, May? I thought you were one of my many adoring fans!” Brendan said, every word sounding like venom, striking a dagger in each of May’s ears. May heard a s******, and noticed for the first time that a roughened and strong-looking Manectric was standing by Brendan, grinning sarcastically. Great, May thought, his pokemon are as bad as him!

Manectric, like all of Brendan's pokemon, is specifically trained to deal OHKOs, and only knows one attack. This is something that will change later on with Brendan's maturity. He will soon realise that better trained pokemon will be able to take down his undefensive ones. This unsuitable raising technique truly gives him the sort of "villain" status, and is similar to how Giovanni trains. You'll see more of this in future chapters.

“Adoring fans? Do you actually have any?” May said, a large vein slowly inflating on her forehead.

This is the stereotypical "angry face" in the anime, and it was a cool little reference.

“Well, you don’t become a Top 4 trainer in your first ever league without gaining a few disciples, do you?”

“Disciples? Are you kidding?” May said, laughing. “Everyone I know who’s ever met you despises you!”

“That’s because everyone you know, whether they’ve met me or not, is a loser!” Brendan said, glaring with a toxic glint in his eyes. “Which reminds me, how long have you been tagging along with Ash Ketchum?”

I realise that there are contiunuity issues here, but not many characters in the anime would know or mention him anyway.

“Don’t you dare say anything about Ash- he’s twice the trainer you are!” May shouted through grinding teeth.

“Well, I guess he’s a Top 8 trainer and I’m a Top 4 trainer, he is in a mathematical sense twice what I am,” he turned to face Masemune, who had wisely avoided joining the conversation. “But, by that logic, your pudgy little friend here is four times the trainer that I am.”

I also wanted Brendan to have his father's intelligence to make him even more dislikable.

“Hey, shut up!” Masemune shouted. “What makes you feel so superior to everyone else? You haven’t won the league yet, Brendan!”

“Ahem, that’s Mr. Birch to you, Porky. Either that or “Sir”. Although “Your Majesty” would also be a nice little title. But those are all old, I’m a bit sick of them, maybe you can think of an original one, as much as I doubt it. I’ll bet that if you can avoid thinking about Twinkies for a couple of hours you’ll think of something vaguely good eventually.”

NOT A PRODUCT PLACEMENT... I SWEAR!!! And Brendan's remarks about Masemune's size were very fun to write. I hope you guys liked this.

“That’s it!” Masemune said, lunging at Brendan. Unfortunately, May stopped him and held him back just inches away from the young trainer.

“He’s not worth it, Masemune,” she said, as he struggled and roared at Brendan. The young trainer turned around to leave, and Manectric followed, s******ing happily at its master’s cheek and the huge lump’s infuriation. “You’re just as bad as Corphish,” May growled, before he finally managed to break out.

Brendan and Manectric should hopefully remind you of Dick Dastardly and Muttley, which is what I was going for. And Masemune's aggressive side is a funny thing to write, I'm not sure why.

“OK, Mr. Birch, if you won’t fight me with fists, how about with pokemon?”

“Fine, Tubby.” Brendan said, drawing two pokeballs. “I’ll take you both on!”

“What?” May said, shocked. “As in, me and Masemune battle you?”

That's May's bad grammar, not mine!

“Yes, aren’t you the smart one today, cutie pie?” Brendan said, winking at a snarling May.

I'm not sure if Brendan fancies May, but I'll probably keep that as a Drew thing only.

“Fine!” May roared. “Go, Combusken!”

“I choose Steelix!” Masemune called out, sending the huge Iron Snake pokemon into battle.

I'd like to remind you that Steelix wasn't out during the Will VS Tetsuya battle for obvious reasons, and I added Masemune to what would have been a one-on-one with May simply because of this last-minute observation.

“OK, I choose these two!” Brendan called out, sending out his two pokeballs. “Prepare for the easiest battle of my life!”

This chapter could easily have gone into the battle, but I chose not to because I love this line as a closer so damn much! And the battle needs finetuning, while this bit was OK to release. So the battle will appear as chapter 9 (I think)

TO BE CONTINUED...

Magi of all
12th November 2005, 7:31 PM
That seems rushed at best. I really think that you could combine those last two into one single chapter. You could also merge this and the chapter where the battle begins. It's not a very good idea to release a chapter thats less than one and a half pages long. No one minds if we have a long wait if it means longer chapters. Don't write fast just to please the fans, write because you want to.

I suggest revision, because this chapter seems very rushed and could use some fine tuneing.

Dark_Scyther
21st November 2005, 2:06 PM
I don't want to see this story stopped please continue. I eagerly await the appearence of Wally, and May and Masasume should kick Brendan all the way back to Littleroot.

ChaosMage
21st November 2005, 7:51 PM
I don't want to see this story stopped please continue. I eagerly await the appearence of Wally, and May and Masasume should kick Brendan all the way back to Littleroot.

Wally will appear in chapters 8 and 10, just so you know. And Brendan may or may not defeat May and Masemune- I am rewriting it!

ChaosMage
27th December 2005, 1:22 PM
OK, I am REALLY sorry for neglecting this fic. I've been on holiday, and was really overworked before Christmas. I am working on chapter 7 right now, which I've had a lot of trouble with getting right. Expect it by new year, but It's probably the toughest chapter I'll ever have. I've added and removed a lot in the various versions, and have made many decisions that seem almost pointless to anyone else. I hope you guys are still going to read despite this hiatus.

Just so there's something to read, here's a few titles for you. I'd like to see what you think of them.

Chapter 8- Elite Meet!
Chapter 9- Brendan and Dusted!
Chapter 10- Corphish Punishment!
Chapter 11- Medicham Alert!
Chapter 12- Last of Will and Tetsuya!
Chapter 13- All Caught Up!

The Doctor
27th January 2006, 8:25 PM
Well, with Brendan & Wally's double battle, hopefully you won't just do a big chunk of writing as a chapter. This story improves greatly on the previous!

Amadeus Windfall
7th March 2006, 9:01 PM
This is a good story, your writing style is very smooth, and the characters seem real. The only problem I have is that Sheer Cold seems a bit too dark, but that's probably just the angle New Horizons is taking. I hope your next chapter's done soon- I'm eager to read more, and the plot seems to be heading in a good direction. This is better than the fics I've read before with Ash and company, though that's not many.

ChaosMage
18th March 2006, 9:48 PM
Holy crap, I'm so ashamed that I've let this slide! Trust me, once I get into study leave I'll do some major updates and when my exams are out of the way I'll have plenty of time. But I promise this story is not dead, and I've been taking occassional opportunities to tweak my plans and whatnot. But what I have done is updated the old chapters to change names and all the rest.

ChaosMage
6th July 2006, 3:18 PM
My internet's been down for weeks now, and I've been able to really work hard on this fic. BUT I can't get it up here until my own computer has internet again. But this fic will be up and running again soon.

DANdotW
6th July 2006, 7:31 PM
That's excellent. I really can't wait to see what happens furhter into the story than we got last time. Or to see the follow up. Good luck.

Hunter

Air Dragon
8th July 2006, 3:17 AM
u evil, u just is plain evil...

totally loved this fic's beta version (i saved it and everything) so when i saw your name in your thread i thought a new chappie was in....phooey. keep me posted on the new arrivals and don't, whatever you do, let this fic die! Later!

DANdotW
18th December 2006, 1:09 AM
Is this still waiting to be returned? Or is it actually dead? Be a shame if it is gone.

Iota