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View Full Version : Fullmetal Alchemist: Other Worlds [PG-14 for Language and Violence]



Bu†cH
9th October 2005, 8:21 AM
Welcome to the first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic in Serebii Forums.
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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, Jimmy Neutron, or any of it's related trades or inditica. Any song/lyrics/reference to companies/and/or/items solely related to that person or person(s), I do not own or claim ownership to.

THIS FIC IS NOT FOR STEALING! If I am notified of a stealing attempt, you know what will happen, do ya?
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Here are what critics are saying about Other Worlds so far:

BEST REVIEWS:
"Still funny. I love it."-[Cano], my best reviewer.
"Other Worlds is funny, serious, and descriptive all at the same time. Keep going, Butchimatic!" -~*Ratiosu*~
"Finally, a fanfic of FMA, my fav show. This story is a very good. Reminded me of my sis who pokes me a lot." -Meta-Master
"Your detail is great and the way you use their personalities from the show and manga is great." -Kei
"Hmm... It's an intresting concept, and kind of funny. I like it." -Medical Meccanica
"I'm not a big fan of FMA, but I still thought that was good." -Gutsman
"Pretty good...I like the way you're SO detailed....and ur descriptions are fine...I'm not much of a fic rater...x_x" -Rufinito18

OTHER REVIEWS:
"Kinda funny. Keep up the good work." -Dufort
"Really good!" -Deoxys Ribonuke
"It's okay." -Umbreon_Lover
"105/100." -G-Unit
"Very detailed." -Bashaamo
"Sounds just like the real characters (by their personality)" -Hydronus
"Love the story!" -Hikari_blaze
"Wow! That was so cool and funny." -Pegasus
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Firstly, if you wish to be notified whenever a new chapter is posted, simply state so and you'll be added to the list.

Notification List:
Darato ; Snorlax 360 ; Dufort ; [Cano] ; Deoxys Ribonuke
Bashaamo ; Hydronus ; meta-master ; Darkliger

Beta Testers:
[Cano] ; Darato ; Snorlax 360
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Here are chapters that are currently up:

All Chapters Edited-8/12/06

Episode One: Disapperance of the Elrics (Added 10/9/06)
1. Imprisoned (Added: 10/9/05)
2. Escape (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=2217602&postcount=7) (Added: 10/16/05)
3. Deep Dive (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=2239506&postcount=13) (Added: 10/22/05)

Episode Two: Realm of Science
4. Interruption (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=2395570&postcount=27) (Added Thanksgiving, 11/24/05)
5. Bar Fight (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=2605480&postcount=36) (Added 1/6/06)
6. Yoo Yee (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=2799339&postcount=43) (Added 2/19/06)

Episode Three: Fight to the Unconciousness
7. Golden-Eyed One (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showpost.php?p=2799339&postcount=43) (Added 8/21/06)
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REMEMBER TO REVIEW!
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EPISODE ONE: DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ELRICS
CHAPTER ONE: IMPRISONED
---------------------------------------

3 minutes after the end of Episode 10, The Other Brothers Elric Part 2. So if you didn't watch the episode, you might not know what they're talking about.
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Xenotime Countryside. 2:54PM.

A much-aged grey train was heading from the city of Xenotime and straight for the city of Central. Inside was a seemingly young five-and-a-half-foot teen in a red coat and black undershirt and pants, with blonde hair and golden eyes, alongside a seven-foot tall metal medieval suit with a long ribbon sticking out of the back of its helmet.

"I must find a way to be taller than him," The teen mumbled angrily as he stared through the window at the shrinking-looking city of Xenotime and the green pines trees they've passed through.
"Ed, don't let Russel get into you," The suit sighed, "at least we saved the town."
"Yeah, I guess...."
Edward Elric, the big brother of the suit, otehrwise known as Alphonse Elric, calmed down, lied back, and crossed his arms behind his head. "Plus, we got that imposter problem taken care of. Right, Al?"

Then a few seconds later, sitting in the seat behind his, a fat bald man and in nothing but brown jean shorts, petted Ed like a cat, saying, "Kitty, I thought you were dead."

Ed's smile turned upside-down and smacked the guy's petting arm away and growled, waving his arms around, "I AM NOT A CAT, YOU FAT-ASSED IDIOT!"

"AAAH! MUTANT CAT!"
The drunken man ran away to the next car, shouting over and over, "I WANNA LIVE!"

"What's his problem?"
"He's just drunk," A brown-haired young adult man with a white short-sleeved shirt and blue jean overalls sighed from the seat by the exit that the drunk used, "You should easily tell by the voice."

"Hey, nice knight suit, man," the teen smiled, not hearing Ed's comment, "Where did ya get it?"
"Uhhhh....." Al said, "At my house?"
"Holy crap! What's a kid doing in a suit anyway? Aren't ya gonna get heat stroke or somethin?"
"Uhhhhh......"

Just then, everybody in the same car as the three guys felt a massive bump.
"What the hell?" Ed said surprised as the train slowed down until half a minute later, when it stopped.
So everyone else, curious, wanted to see what that the problem was. They looked around to investigate until a minute later, when they saw that the front right-wheel in the cart before the guys' went off.
Ed jumped off and saw the problem. He smiled and said, "Hmmm...nothing that I can't fix."
So he clapped his hands and tried to create a new wheel for the train out of the dusty earth where he was standing on.

But then red sparks started swiftly coming out of the earth and became so big, it sucked Ed in.
He fell, feet first, onto the sandy ground and dug his right arm in it, trying to escape, but the portal kept dragging him in.
"BROTHER!" Al screamed, running to save Ed.
"NO, AL!" Ed shouted, "Don't do it!" Then Ed got completely sucked in.
"Brother, we can't go on without each other."
Then Al jumped into the shrinking 2.5-foot-wide portal.
Twenty-three seconds later, the portal disappeared, with the Elrics inside.
Witnesses gossiped about the recent happening.
The drunken man saw it and shouted, "YAY! THE CHAINS OF HELL PUT THE MUTANT CAT OUT OF HIS MISERY!"
"YOU *******!" The young man from before said, socking the man in the face with his right brown gloved hand, "He ain't a ****ing mutant! You are just drunk!"
"Oh yeah!?" The drunk man said, standing up with the bruise in his face and preparing to fight, "BITE ME!"
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The Portal. 2:59PM.

Inside the portal, the confused Elrics flew swiftly through a blinding light.
Is this it?, Ed thought, staring at the walls that sucked him and Al in.
Is this an expansion of our punishment for our past sins?
Will we die like this?
If so, I am sorry, Al, for what I've done.
Then the bright light suddenly faded into complete darkness.
---------------------------------------
Unknown Location. 3:13PM.

A while later, Ed woke up in an enviroment mixed with brown and red. His sight was really blurry at the time.
"Am I....in Hell?" Ed whispered, but he was not.
His vision clears up and sees that he was in a cell with red lasers for bars in a brown, metal, steaming room which had a scent of car gas.
He stood up, fully concious, and noticed Al is gone.
"AL!" Ed shouted, "Where are you!?"

"So you're awake," An unknown female voice said, "What was with that suit of armor of yours?"
Ed looked quickly at the one the second she started talking. A woman in a black latex suit with black hair and brown eyes, evilly grinning and by the cell and holding a pistol.
Angrily, he said, "None of your damn business."
"Fine. Either way, I'm going to annihilate you."
The woman pointed the pistol at Ed's head, giving him only one option.

Dufort
11th October 2005, 1:53 AM
not bad. i like it. i've never commented on a fic before though. O_o; 7/10

[Cano]
11th October 2005, 2:16 AM
I like that it's FMA...but it doesn't seem to portray the same qualities that I love about the show. Also, it seemed rushed...example, in the middle of the 'chapter' it cuts from Train Car 3's passengers becoming curious about the bump, to Ed trying to transmute a replacement wheel. A little more detail, or conversation between the Elrics and the conductor or something could have been put in to lengthen it and really delve into the characters. Also, you haven't described Ed and Al. You mustn't assume that everyone who reads this watches FMA. SO, from this perspective you must somewhere define your characters. There are many ways to do this:

1. Defining by the character's behavior - how he/she treats others, his/her mannerisms (little sayings and such, like Naruto's "Believe it!") and how he/she behaves (duh)
2. Defining by the character's thoughts/actions - how he/she talks to others or themselves (nutcases xP), how they view themselves, what they do when encountering a certain situation, etc.
3. Defining by other characters views on said character - how other people view this character, what they think of him, how they treat him, etc.
4. Defining by the character's appearance - how they look determines greatly what kind of person the audience views the character as, much like a first impression.

This is a literary element called...well that doesn't matter much. What I'm trying to get across is that mainly, you need to introduce Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric as individual people, like you are speaking to an eight year old.

So to recap, here's what you can do to improve:

1. Increase length using more description, character development, and seemingly meaningless chatter between characters.
2. Basic grammar issues that can be resolved upon reading what you've typed (I know, a pain in the *** but it helps...trust me.)
3. Having character development and description for the n00bs who don't know what FMA is.

Otherwise, you're off to a good start!! ^_^ Happy trails!
<SCM>

Bu†cH
11th October 2005, 2:44 AM
After reading your review, Sig, I've changed the first chapter a bit.
Now it's a bit better. :)

Chapter Two will be coming up around the time the new FMA episode "Sin" airs.

[Cano]
11th October 2005, 4:36 AM
Well it's gone. That ok?

Bu†cH
11th October 2005, 5:19 AM
Yep. Thanks. :)
I'm kinda new at this. And now that I'm in the right direction, Chapter 2 is going to be better than the first, hopefully.

Bu†cH
17th October 2005, 6:27 AM
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EPISODE ONE: DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ELRICS
CHAPTER TWO: ESCAPE
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Xenotime Countryside. 3:00PM.

The drunk man and the young man prepared to fight.
The drunk man charged head first at the teen.
The young man lifted and pointed his left foot at the drunk mans head, and kicked him there.
The drunk man was unconcious for eight seconds, then jumped on the young man, bringing him to the ground and punching him.
Then the young man kicked the drunk man in the testicles. The drunk man covered them while the young man kept beating him up.

Unknown Location. 3:14PM.

Quickly, Ed saw the fuse box behind the woman.
He had only one chance, so he rolled to the left, clapped his hands while he was rolling, and swiftly placed his right hand onto the floor.
The electricity from his hand crawled up the wall and blew up the box, causing the entire room to black out and the red bars to disappear.

"Hey! Who turned off the light!?" A deep voice said along with other ones complaining.

Then, Ed sneaked out of the cell, quietly bumping into the walls, and found himself in a huge, dark room with a huge window, showing the night sky.
Also in the room, he heard voices, complaining about the light.

"Hold on. I got it," The deep voice said as he turns on the emergency light.
It was activated, exposing Ed and everyone else.
The complaining voices were of the people sitting and looked like they were discussing something.

A hovering golden egg with green eyes inside and a crown on top of the egg, mechanical arms, and a big mouth with sharp teeth.
A baby with a rattle and a brownish-white diaper.
A really puny bald man (1/4 Ed's height) with beady eyes. He wore a lab coat, black gloves and pants, weird glasses things.
A kid with brown, smooth, swirly hair. He wore a red robe with a black shirt under it and black pants.
An fat old lady with glasses and a pink dress.
And Al.

"Al?" Ed said, frightened that Al might be under some kind of spell.
"Who's Al?" The deep voice of the one wearing Al asked.

Then, the power somehow went back on and the woman came back and pointed the pistol at Ed.
"Hold it right there," she said.

Al took control, grabbed a chair, and threw it at the woman.
She got hit in the torso and fell into the ground, dropping her pistol.

"Junkman," the egg said, "What the heck are you doing!?"
"It's not me," The man wearing Al, aka the Junkman said, "This suit is possessed."
Then Al opened his torso, grabbed the man out, and threw him at the brown metal table where the others sit.
"And I won't let you hurt my brother," he said.

Ed ran to the window, with Al following him.
"What's he doing?" The baby said, thinking the Elrics are being stupid.
Ed clapped his hands and bursted the entire window into sparkling oblivion and he and Al jumped out.
"Ho.....ly.....gua....ca....mole!" The old lady said.

Ed and Al thought that they were jumping out of a building. But instead, they jumped out of a brown rusted ship in space, falling towards a blue planet with clouds and what appears to have land on them. Could it be their world or another?

[Cano]
17th October 2005, 6:47 AM
Well, it was pretty interesting, and the description was good. Overall, I like it, but I have somethings to discuss over PM.

umbreon_lover
20th October 2005, 12:48 AM
it's okay but not as good as the show by the way was the lady lust?

Deoxys Ribonuke
20th October 2005, 1:31 AM
This is really good! Though I'm a little confuse, but taht's because I've never seen the show... (But I really want to! ^_^)

*****

But one suggestion... There were a few typos... When I write, I write on Microsoft Word first, THEN I post in on some forums that I want to show it to. That way, I can keep down on my typos...

Bu†cH
20th October 2005, 5:41 AM
it's okay but not as good as the show by the way was the lady lust?

No. If ya read carefully, you'll see that Ed and Al ended up in a spaceship full of people. One of them is named the Junkman. If anyone is not familiar with that name, the world the Elrics ended up in is the world of Jimmy Neutron.

Don't worry if the fanfic is going to be nothin but kid stuff. There will be sweet....delicious....blood.....WTH! NVM. But still, blood and drama!

It's gonna get alot hotter from the suspence, the drama, and the comedy.

Dufort
20th October 2005, 7:09 AM
that was kinda interesting.

Bu†cH
22nd October 2005, 9:03 AM
---------------------------------------
EPISODE ONE: DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ELRICS
CHAPTER THREE: DEEP DIVE
---------------------------------------

Xenotime Countryside. 3:14PM.

The fight between the drunk man and the young man went on until....

......a gunshot erupted from a hill by the train.
The fighting stopped and the people paniced.
Two people came down the hill. A blonde-ponytailed woman, wearing a blue military uniform and holding a pistol, along with a black, short, spiky haired man, wearing white gloves with a weird circle on his right one and also wearing a blue military uniform.

"Okay," the man said when he walked up to the scene where the Elrics disappeared, "What happened? I've heard that the Elrics have disappeared. Did he really?"
The man leaned over to one of the passengers.
"You mean the one with the coat, accompanied by another kid in a suit?" The teen behind the man said, "Then yes, the red coat tried to transmute a new wheel for us, then he disappeared."
"You're lying."
The passengers disagreed and told the man about the Elrics' disappearance.
"How wouldn't I know that you didn't hide him somewhere so we can't find him," he raised his right hand, "A snap of these fingers and everyone here will burn into a crisp."
"Screw you! You cause trouble anyway!" The teen yelled.
"Well allow me to show you an example of what I can do."
---------------------------------------
Outer Space. 3:17PM.

Ed and Al continued to fall towards the blue planet.
Ed looks at Al and gets an idea.
"Al," he said, "I'll have to use your limbs if we're both to survive."
He clapped his hands once and transmuted Al's limbs into a flat disc to protect them.

They went through the Earth's atmosphere with swift fire being covered by the shield.
Thrity-two seconds later, they passed completely through. But they have worse news right now.
"I wonder when we crash," Ed said staring at the sky below them.

"Brother, I see something!" Al spotted a little black dot, getting bigger.
"What!" Ed also saw the black dot and found out that it's a rocket.

A boy with brown swirly hair, riding on his mechanical robot dog........

A box-shaped torso.
Plastic tubed legs with flames erupting from their metal circular feet.
A metallic head with electricity inside the bowl on its head.
Flat metal ears for the boy to steer him with.
And eyes that looked like a flashlight with a bendable handle.

.......sailed up the great blue sky until they are in the same height as the Elrics.

"Don't worry," the boy said, digging into his pocket and pulled out a bright, purple cube and sucked the Elrics inside.

The Elrics, inside the cube, where curious about the things also inside.

"What is all this crap?" Ed said, looking at the many toys.
"I don't know," Al said, "But we shouldn't touch any of them."
"You're making me feel like wanting to touch them now."

Seventeen minutes later, the boy released the Elrics from the cube. They were by a brown shed made of wood and some high-tech gadget by the door.
Ed was wearing a sumbrero and carrying a guitar when he was released.
"Nice stuff," Ed said, smiling in guilt.
"I tried to stop him!" the annoyed Al said, "But he couldn't listen!"
"No worries," The smiling boy said, "I'm Jimmy Neutron."
"Hi," Ed said, shaking Jimmy's hand, "I'm Ed."
"I'm Al," Al said, waving.

"And this must be the Nerdtron Geek Fair," A blond-ponytailed girl, wearing green and white striped sleeveless shirt and short greenish brown pants, accompanied by a black-dredlocked black girl, wearing a pink shirt and blue jeans.
They were both laughing about the recently said sentence.

"That is not nice," Al sadly said.
"Yeah," Ed snarled, "Do you know who we are?"
"Uhhhhhh....." The black girl said, "Nerdos."
The girls laughed.
Then Ed walked up to them and yelled, "Who are you calling a nerd!"
People call him short, Al thought, and now they're calling him a nerd. I don't want what happened in Lior to happen here.

"Greetings, fellow Earthlings," A short-black-haired boy, wearing black pants and a blue shirt that said Ultra Lord, along side him an overweight freckled red-haired boy, wearing glasses, brown long shoes, and red and white striped shirt tucked into his green pants, appeared walking to the scene.
"Now the gang is all here," the blond girl said.
"The nerd gang," the black girl laughed.
The girls laughed again.

What will Ed do next?
More importantly, what will happen back at Ed's world, where the man is getting pissed off because he didn't believe the passengers' story about the Elrics' disapperance?

*Credit music*

Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist
Al: Episode Two: Realm of Science

*Mute Random Scenes of next episode*
*Ed fighting the blonde-ponytailed girl*
Al: Brother, where are we?
*Roy in a mean glare, talking*

REMEMBER TO REVIEW!
Reviews keep fanfics alive and authors feel important.
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Author's Note:

By now, you should know they are in the realm of Jimmy Neutron.

What happened in Lior, you say?
In the first episode of the entire Fullmetal Alchemist series, it was the first time in the series Ed was called short. Then when he did, he grabbed two men and spun them around and complaining about being called short.

"Shorty? Can a shorty do this?! What else you wanna call me? A half-pint bean-sprout midget? I'm still growing, you back-water desert idiots!"

LOL.

Dufort
22nd October 2005, 8:28 PM
that chapter was kinda funny. keep up the good work!

[Cano]
24th October 2005, 4:54 AM
Well I do believe it could be better. Here are my reasons (I'll keep it brief and general, k?):

1. Descriptions were really good, but ran on. Two words: run-on sentences.
2. Roy Mustang wouldn't act like that! He feels guilty for helping massacre the Ishbalans (SP?) and therefore I don't think he'd act that way towards these civilians. But maybe I'm wrong. Oh wells.
3. It seemed rushed, and Ed's true attitude wasn't truly captured in this chapter.

Anyways, keep it up. Twas mediocre, but you can and will do better. Can't wait for the next one.
<SCM>

Bu†cH
25th October 2005, 12:49 AM
that chapter was kinda funny. keep up the good work!
Thanks. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, which is gonna get a bit more suspenseful and funnier.


Well I do believe it could be better. Here are my reasons (I'll keep it brief and general, k?):

1. Descriptions were really good, but ran on. Two words: run-on sentences.
2. Roy Mustang wouldn't act like that! He feels guilty for helping massacre the Ishbalans (SP?) and therefore I don't think he'd act that way towards these civilians. But maybe I'm wrong. Oh wells.
3. It seemed rushed, and Ed's true attitude wasn't truly captured in this chapter.

Anyways, keep it up. That was mediocre, but you can and will do better. Can't wait for the next one.
<SCM>
*feels a bit guilty*
FMA Spoiler: You are right about Roy feeling guilty about the massacre, but he does hide it from some of the other troops. In Episode 11, Roy Vs. Mustang, Ed tried to get more info on the Philosopher's Stone, so he had to beat Roy to do that. In the end of the battle, Roy paused before he nearly finished off Ed, reminding him of the past, when he killed an Ishbalian.

Maybe I did change Ed's personality a bit too far, though.
But the next chapter will be alot better and I'll try to bring Ed and Al's personailities back to what it's supposed to be.

[Cano]
25th October 2005, 2:47 AM
Okie dokie then! ^-^ and after careful review of Mustang's personality, I do believe that it was pretty close, but I still don't think he'd threaten to kill someone. But maybe I'm wrong. And, correct me if I'm wrong, doesn't Mustang have two gloves w/ Transmutation Circles? One for each hand? I only bring this up because you just mentioned the right hand.

Bu†cH
25th October 2005, 4:19 AM
Roy thought that the people are hiding the Elrics, so he'd threaten them to get them back, but I don't think that he'd do that either.
The show didn't show too much of Roy's personaility yet.

Both of his pyrotex gloves do have a fire symbol on them. You're right.
Tell your sister you were right
*dies* JK. I saw that part from the ending of Return of the Jedi.

Message for everyone: REVIEW MY FANFIC, please. It's the source that keeps fanfics alive.

G-unit
26th October 2005, 12:42 AM
cool fanfic butch i like it so far what i read. so you get a
105%/100%

Bashaamo
26th October 2005, 5:22 AM
O_O Wow. Very detailed. I mean look, you even put the time! XD But yeah. I like it.
-;257;77-

umbreon_lover
26th October 2005, 11:58 PM
Are Ed and Al computer animated now?

Hydronus
27th October 2005, 5:51 AM
great job!!! it sounds just like the real characters (by their personality)

meta-master
27th October 2005, 6:07 PM
hora hora theres finally a fma fic my fav show i cant wait to hear what happens when Ed uses alchemy. this story is a very good one and i cant wait until the next epp.

Gutsman
9th November 2005, 5:21 AM
that was pretty good and im not a big fan of FMA but i still thought that was good. do you know what would be really cool? an inu-yasha fic.;249-d;

meta-master
9th November 2005, 11:20 PM
im wondering if Ed gets called short anytime soon? because thats the one of the best part of the real eppisodes.

Bu†cH
13th November 2005, 7:39 AM
That chapter was kinda funny. Keep up the good work!
Wait until the Gs in the FMA club read this!


Cool fanfic, Butch. I like it so far what I read. So you get a
10.5/10.0
That's nothing. What until you see the next episode and the finale.

The story's gonna be really long, and it's going to have like Duels of Fate, like in Star Wars: Episode I, when all of those people on Nabbo are battling.


O_O Wow. Very detailed. I mean look, you even put the time! XD But yeah. I like it.
The more detail, the better.


Are Ed and Al computer animated now?
The visuals don't matter in this fanfic. So you can imagine it in anime or CG.


Great job!!! It sounds just like the real characters (by their personality)
Well, except the part in the end of the first episode, when Ed was caught wearing a sumbrero.


That was pretty good and I'm not a big fan of FMA. But I still thought that was good. Do you know what would be really cool? An Inuyasha fic.
There might be an Inuyasha fic one day. But I'll not be making one. Ever. Sorry.


HORA! HORA! There's finally an FMA fic, my favorite show. I can't wait to hear what happens when Ed uses alchemy. This story is a very good one and I can't wait until the next episode.
Don't expect the next chapter to come until next week or so.


I'm wondering if Ed gets called short anytime soon? Because that's one of the best parts of the real episodes.
Uhhhh........I don't know about that. It does get kinda tiring hearing unmannered people calling the poor guy short all the time.

Note to everyone:
THANKS FOR REVIEWING! :)

Bu†cH
25th November 2005, 3:51 AM
*Praying* I am thankful for the fourth chapter of the first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic in Serebii Forums.

Sorry about the wait. I was stuck doing my comic. And so....I give you the forth installment!


---------------------------------------
EPISODE TWO: REALM OF SCIENCE
CHAPTER FOUR: INTERRUPTION
---------------------------------------

Xenotime Countryside. 3:18PM.

The guy in the military uniform raised his right hand and snapped his fingers. Then red spark of what looked like electricity hit the ground and high-speed, causing smoke to erupt from below.
When the smoke cleared, the hole made by the spark appeared on the ground. It was around three feet deep and two feet wide.
The passengers were astonished by the hole the spark from the guy's glove made.

"Now where are they?" The guy asked.
"Well," an old guy in a brown cloak, which is one of the passengers, said, "We're dead."

"Colonel Mustang!" shouted another black-haired guy in a military uniform, with gang full of military troops. They were staring at something on the ground. "Look at this!"
The guy who recently snapped his fingers a few second ago, who must be Colonel Mustang, walked up to where the troops are standing and was surprised of what he saw.
It was a reddish-brown spot by the train.
"This must be the so-called portal the passenger's were talking about," Mustang whispered.
"Dig it up," he raised his voice.

Unknown Location. 3:19PM.

"You girls think you're sooooo......cooool!" Ed angrily said to the girls and used his right index finger and pointed at them with it, "Especially in those ugly clothes." He laughed.
The girls looked down and believed Ed. Their eyes opened wider.
"You're gonna pay for insulting our clothes!" The blonde girl said, preparing for battle.
"We don't want to hurt you," Al said, waving his hands to signal her not to fight.

She ran up to Ed, charging up a punch with her left arm.
Ed kneeled down and shielded himself with his right arm.
Cindy threw the punch.
The punch impacted Ed's arm.
"OW!" The girl screamed, waving her hand, "Is your arm made of steel or something?"
"Correct," Ed smiled, pulling down his right sleeve and showing his steel arm.
"Cheater!" The girl yelled, getting ready to attack again.

Then Al ran between the girl and Ed and shouted, "That's enough! You two are going way too far! Let's just forget this ever ha-"

"Cool!" The black-spiked boy interrupted, staring at Ed, "Look at his golden eyes!"
"Huh?" Ed looked down to the boy and got poked in his right eye by him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!" Ed screamed in stinging pain and covering his eye.

"Sheen!" the fat boy snarled, waving his right index finger around, "How many times do we have to tell you not to poke other people's property."
The black-haired boy looked at the fat boy and asked, "Eyes are property?"
"YOU IDIOT!" Ed shouted, still covering his eye, "Have you no manners!?"
"I lost them a long time ago."
"How can you lose your manners?"
"I don't know. I just did."

Ed slowly lowered his hand that was covering his eye and said, "You're lucky you didn't poke my eye out."
"What's the difference?"
"Well," Jimmy started talking, "Poking an eye is just poking an eye, but poking his eye out is poking his eye and him losing it."
"How can he lose an eye?"
"Poking it too hard."
Al, the fat boy, and the girls were like "Ewwwwwww!!!!"

"So," Ed changed the topic, "Who built that mechanical dog of yours?"
"I did," Jimmy smiled with his shiny white teeth.
Ed gasped from the astonishment. "YOU!? Yeah right." Ed didn't believe him.
"Yeah!" said the black-spiked boy, also known as Sheen, "He's a genius!"

"Oh by the way," he continued, "I'm Sheen." He points to the fat boy, "And this is Carl." He points to the dog, "This is Goddard." He points to the girls, "Aaaannnnnddd....the nasty blonde hair girl is Cindy. And the beeaauutifu-"
"Name's Libby," the black girl interrupted.
"Yeeeaaaahhhhh..."

There was a pause for a few seconds until Carl suggested, "Let's go to the Candy Bar! I'm starved."
Everyone agreed, except the Elrics.
"What's the Candy Bar?" Al asked.
"We'll show you when we get there," Jimmy said.
"TO THE CANDY BAR!" Sheen shouted, pointing to the sky.
"Seriously, Sheen," Cindy said, "Do you have to do that every time we were going to go somewhere?"
"It makes life more exciting and more dramatic."
"More like OVER-dramatic."

And so the crew walked up the concrete streets and to this Candy Bar that they were talking about.

Dufort
25th November 2005, 4:30 AM
this chapter was pretty funny. keep it up. ^^

meta-master
26th November 2005, 3:48 AM
lol in this chapter sheen reminded me of my sis who pokes me a lot.

Kei
27th November 2005, 5:01 AM
I really like this alot. Second chapter was kinda funny, Ha-ha.
Your detail is great and the way you use their personalities from the show and manga is great.
Can't wait to see more!

-;143;

hikari_blaze
27th November 2005, 9:45 PM
Love the story! I'd give it a 101/10!! ^___________^

pegasus
16th December 2005, 5:25 PM
Wow that was so cool and funny. Maybe you should do this on pokemon where they fall through that hole and end up in Pallet Town or in Littleroot town. Just an idea.;384; ;249-d;

~*Ratiosu*~
16th December 2005, 5:54 PM
Too funny. Though I feel it could be a bit more descriptive. But still funny. One thing you did wrong...kept switching between past and present tense. But otherwise, hilarious! Can I be on your PM list? And I have a little quotey-quote-quote for you if you want (like for your review list)

"Other Worlds is funny, serious, and descriptive all at the same time. Keep going, Butchimatic!"-XKazemon

Unless you don't want to use that ^_^ but it doesn't matter. It's a suckish thing anyway ^_^ I just realized how kawaii Al is. *goes to make him her bishie*

meta-master
30th December 2005, 3:54 PM
I like the way he's swithching between worlds it reminds me of holes a lot and I liked that book.

Sono Nanatsu Heika
6th January 2006, 5:14 PM
Your fic is great and when al, carl, and cindy and libby went eeeewwwwww that was hilarious also when ed was wearing that sombrero. keep up the good work

Bu†cH
7th January 2006, 3:56 AM
I like the way he's switching between worlds it reminds me of holes a lot and I liked that book.
Yeah. I noticed that, too. They are kinda similar.


Your fic is great and when Al, Carl, Cindy, and Libby went "Eeeewwwwww!" That was hilarious like when Ed was wearing that sombrero. Keep up the good work!
Thanks to you and everyone for reviewing my fic!


Anyways, after one and a half months (Way too long for an update, I know. I was too busy.), I've finally finished the newest addition to the series. Enjoy.


---------------------------------------
EPISODE TWO: REALM OF SCIENCE
CHAPTER FIVE: BAR FIGHT
---------------------------------------

Street by the "Candy Bar". 3:24PM.

After a few minutes of walking, the kids were heading towards a weird looking building with red and white all over and has giant replicas of candy of the same color. And the green-colored words on it saying "Candy Bar".
"This is the Candy Bar?" Al asked.
"Yeah!" smiled Sheen.
"So far, it looked kinda weird to me," Ed said.
"Well," snarled Sheen, "Wait until you get in."

Inside, Ed looked around the black and white square patterned floors and peppermint patterned and shaped tables and the menu which only had dessert.
"You're right, Sheen," Ed said, still looking around, "This place is now alot weirder to me."
"Well," snarled Sheen, "I meant less weird."
"Oh."

A few minutes later, when the gang sat on a table, Ed was vigorously eating a vanilla ice cream sundae, and then stopped.
"Aaaahhhh....." Ed shouted, "My eyes and head are bursting!"
"Cool!" Sheen shouted also, "Brainfreeze!"
Al gasped, "HIS BRAIN IS FREEZING!?"
Cindy and Libby laughed hard, along with some kids who overheard from a few feet away.
"Not literally," Jimmy replied, "It just happens when he eats ice cream too fast."
Recovered from the brainfreeze, Ed asked, "Is it fatal?"
"No. It's just a 10-second headache."
"Okay."

"Hey, Al," said Carl, "You look hot in that suit. Are you sure you don't want anything?"
"Yeah," Al replied, "I'm sure."
"Alright, but you don't know what you're missing." Carl went back to finishing his banana sundae.

"Hey, Carl," said Sheen, "Aren't you allergic to bananas?"
Carl didn't say anything. He just ran as fast as he can to the restroom.

A few seconds later, everyone in the bar heard a shriek of a girl in the girl's restroom.
Then, Carl was kicked out before realizing he was in the wrong place.
"Oopsie," grinned Carl in guilt, and then threw up.

"Is he gonna be alright?" Al asked.
"He'll be fine," said Sheen, while Carl was still throwing up.
"You sure? Looks like he's gonna die."
"He always does."
---------------------------------------
Xenotime Countryside. 3:27PM.

The blue-uniformed guys were taking the soil where the portal which transported the Elrics to another world in a leather bag.
"Is that all of it?" the black, short-haired guy asked.
"Yes, Lieutenant Colonel," said a red-haired guy.
"Good."
"What are you going to do with the soil?" asked one of the passengers.
"Simple. We're going to find out how this might do anything about their disappearance. But that doesn't mean you're all off the hook."
---------------------------------------
Candy Bar. 3:24PM.

The ground started shaking, startling people all around the Elrics.
"What the hell is going on?" said Ed, startled also, ducking under a table like everyone else, except Alphonse, who couldn't fit under any table he could find.
"Hey!" yelled an old bald man in a white work uniform, ducking under one of the circular tables, pointing at Ed, "You with the red coat! Watch that mouth of-!"
Then, part of the roof broke down, and some black ninjas came falling from it.

"Ah! Crap!"
"What have I told you!"
"I can't say that either!?"
"Not here, not my business. Yeah!"

Ed leaped into action, "Come on, Al!"
"Oh yeah," replied Alphonse, as he ran up to the ninjas.

The ninjas tried to intimidate the Elrics, but Ed wasn't impressed.
"You guys suck," he said.
He clapped his hands and thrusted his righty onto the patterned floor, forming a huge hole under the confused ninjas. They fell right into it.

He walked up to the hole and said to the trapped and unconcious ninjas, 'Tell me that's not your best."
"No!" shouted a mysterious Chinese/English-mixed voice.
Ed turned to where the voice was coming from and saw a boy with a yellow sleeve-torn robe tied by a black belt, a yellow belt tied on his black-haired head, black pants, and bare feet.

Ed laughed, "So what are you? A-"
The boy dashed towards Ed and kicked him, sending him flying through a big glass window.

"Hey!" the old man shouted, "You have to pay for that!"
"Watch it, fat man!" the yellow-robed boy shouted back, "You don't know who you're messing with!"

Alphonse went behind the boy and tapped his right shoulder.
The boy turned back and saw Al as he said, "I was going to say the same thing."
"Fool!" the boy replied as he charged up a left-handed punch "I am an ultimate warrior!"
He threw his arm and punched Al in the chest.
He thrusted back his aching arm, screaming, "AAAHHHHHH! MOMMY!"

Al chuckled as the boy shouted, "You think that's funny, huh? Well...."
He snapped his fingers, summoning a black helicopter over the Candy Bar.
"What the?" said the confused Al as he looked up at the helicopter.
Some dynamite fell from the helicopter and to the floor by Al's feet and then exploded, sending him high in the sky.
Then, some ninjas with rope attached to copter swinged around Al and tied him up tight.
"Hey!" Al shouted, "What are you doing!? My brother will get you!"
After they were done tying him up, the copter left the scene with Al hanging from it.

InnerFlame
7th January 2006, 6:08 AM
ROFLOL I enjoy that so much I really like FMA though I haven't been able to see it recently. I'm going to quote some of my favorite parts.


She runs up to Ed, charging up a punch with her left arm.
Ed kneels down and shields himself with his right arm.
Cindy throws the punch.
The punch impacted Ed's arm.
"OW!" The girl screamed, waving her hand, "Is your arm made of steel or something?"
"Correct," Ed smiled, pulling down his right sleeve and showing his steel arm.

I can just imagine the look on Cindy face when she punches Al's arm. Priceless


He shifted back his aching arm, screaming, "AAAHHHHHH! MOMMY!"

:D Still laughing at this part. Man how I wish someone in real life would said that I will be cracking up about it forever.

I never really review any stories but... maybe you... um could describe better so anyone who read this can get an idea of what the places look like. I've seen Jimmy Neutron before so I have an idea of what the places look like.

Sorry if this isn't helpful but my English teacher told me that it the worst thing you can do to a writer is not giving her/him something that s/he can improve on.

meta-master
7th January 2006, 5:08 PM
A few minutes later, when the gang sat on a table, Ed was vigorously eating a vanilla ice cream sundae, and then stopped.
"Aaaahhhh....." Ed shouted, "My eyes and head are bursting!"
"Cool!" Sheen shouted also, "Brainfreeze!"
Al gasped, "HIS BRAIN IS FREEZING!?"
Cindy and Libby laughed hard, along with some kids who overheard from a few feet away.
"Not literally," Jimmy replied, "It just happens when he eats ice cream too fast."
Recovered from the brainfreeze, Ed asked, "Is it fatal?"
"No. It's just a 10-second headache."
"Okay."

"Hey, Carl," said Sheen, "Aren't you allergic to bananas?"
Carl didn't say anything. He just ran as fast as he can to the restroom.

A few seconds later, everyone in the bar heard a shriek of a girl in the girl's restroom.
Then, Carl got kicked out before realizing he was in the wrong place.
"Oopsie," grinned Carl in guilt, and then threw up.

"Is he gonna be alright?" Al asked.
"He'll be fine," said Sheen, while Carl is still throwing up.
"You sure? Looks like he's gonna die."
"He always does."


Alphonse went behind the boy and tapped his right shoulder.
The boy turned back and saw Al as he said, "I was going to say the same thing."
"Fool!" the boy replied as he charges up a left-handed punch "I am an ultimate warrior!"
He threw his arm and punched Al in the chest.
He shifted back his aching arm, screaming, "AAAHHHHHH! MOMMY!

ROFL the funniest parts.


.[/size]


Al laughed as the boy shouted
Al doesnt seem like the person to do that.


Man this is a great story so far this is the best part too lol i was laughing the entire time.The only problem is that i probably would be very confused if I didnt watch those shows almost regularly.

Lol this chapter was as funny as when I saw a guy holding this sign saying that he need tickets to this basketball game lol he was holding it upsidedown.

Bashaamo
7th January 2006, 6:23 PM
Yeah. I noticed that, too. They are kinda similar.


Thanks to you and everyone for reviewing my fic!


Anyways, after one and a half months (Way too long for an update, I know. I was too busy.), I've finally finished the newest addition to the series. Enjoy.


---------------------------------------
EPISODE TWO: REALM OF SCIENCE
CHAPTER FOUR: BAR FIGHT
---------------------------------------

Street by the "Candy Bar". 3:24PM.

After a few minutes of walking, the kids were heading towards a weird looking building with red and white all over and green-colored words on it saying "Candy Bar".
"This is the Candy Bar?" Al asked.
"Yeah!" smiled Sheen.
"So far, it's kinda weird to me," Ed said.
"Well," snorted Sheen, "wait until you actually get in."

Inside, Ed looked around the black and white square patterned floors and peppermint patterned and shaped tables and the menu which only had dessert.
"You're right, Sheen," Ed said, still looking around, "This place is now a lot weirder to me."
"Well," snorted Sheen, "I meant less weird."
"Oh."

A few minutes later, when the gang sat on a table, Ed was vigorously eating a vanilla ice cream sundae, and then stopped.
"Aaaahhhh....." Ed shouted, "My eyes and head are bursting!"
"Cool!" Sheen shouted also, "Brainfreeze!"
Al gasped, "HIS BRAIN IS FREEZING!?"
Cindy and Libby laughed hard, along with some kids who overheard from a few feet away.
"Not literally," Jimmy replied, "It just happens when he eats ice cream too fast."
Recovered from the brainfreeze, Ed asked, "Is it fatal?"
"No. It's just a 10-second headache."
"Okay."

"Hey, Al," said Carl, "You look hot in that suit. Are you sure you don't want any?"
"Yeah," Al replied, "I'm sure."
"Alright, but you don't know what you're missing." Carl went back to finishing his banana sundae.

"Hey, Carl," said Sheen, "Aren't you allergic to bananas?"
Carl didn't say anything. He just ran as fast as he can to the restroom.

A few seconds later, everyone in the bar heard a shriek of a girl in the girl's restroom.
Then, Carl got kicked out before realizing he was in the wrong place.
"Oopsie," grinned Carl in guilt, and then threw up.

"Is he gonna be alright?" Al asked.
"He'll be fine," said Sheen, while Carl is still throwing up.
"You sure? Looks like he's gonna die."
"He always does."
---------------------------------------
Xenotime Countryside. 3:27PM.

The blue-uniformed guys were taking the soil where the portal which transported the Elrics to another world in a leather bag.
"Is that all of it?" the black, short-haired guy asked.
"Yes, Lieutenant," said a red-haired guy.
"Good."
"What are you going to do with the soil?" asked one of the passengers.
"Simple. We're going to find out how this might do anything about their disappearance. But that doesn't mean you're off the hook."
---------------------------------------
Candy Bar. 3:24PM.

The ground starts shaking, startling people all around the Elrics.
"What the hell is going on?" said Ed, startled also, ducking under a table like everyone else, except Alphonse, who couldn't fit under any table he could find.
"Hey!" yelled an old bald man in a white work uniform, ducking under one of the circular tables, pointing at Ed, "You with the red coat! Watch that mouth of-!"
Then, the roof breaks, and down came some ninjas.

"Ah! Crap!"
"What have I told you!"
"I can't say that either!?"
"Not here, not my business. Yeah!"

Ed leaped into action, "Come on, Al!"
"Oh yeah," replied Alphonse, as he runs up to the ninjas.

The ninjas tried to intimidate the Elrics, but Ed wasn't impressed.
"You guys suck," he said.
He clapped his hands and thrusted his righty onto the patterned floor, forming a huge hole under the confused ninjas.

He walked up to the hole and said to the trapped and unconscious ninjas, 'Tell me that's not your best."
"No!" shouted a mysterious Chinese/English-mixed voice.
Ed turned to where the voice was coming from and saw a boy with a yellow sleeve-torn robe tied by a black belt, a yellow belt tied on his black-haired head, black pants, and bare feet.

Ed laughed, "So what are you? A-"
The boy dashed to Ed and kicked him, sending him flying through a big glass window.

"Hey!" the old man shouted, "You have to pay for that!"
"Watch it, fat man!" the yellow-robed boy shouted back, "You don't know who you're messing with!"

Alphonse went behind the boy and tapped his right shoulder.
The boy turned back and saw Al as he said, "I was going to say the same thing."
"Fool!" the boy replied as he charges up a left-handed punch "I am an ultimate warrior!"
He threw his arm and punched Al in the chest.
He shifted back his aching arm, screaming, "AAAHHHHHH! MOMMY!"

Al laughed as the boy shouted, "You think that's funny, huh? Well...."
He snapped his fingers, summoning a black helicopter over the Candy Bar.
"What the?" said the confused Al as he looked up at the helicopter.
Some dynamite fell from the helicopter and to the floor by Al's feet and then exploded, sending him high in the sky.
Then, some ninjas with rope attached to copter swung around Al and tied him up tight.
"Hey!" Al shouted, "What are you doing!? My brother will get you!"
After they were done tying him up, the copter left the scene with Al hanging from it.
Heheh, I liked that one. Never heard of Chinese-English mixed voice before, though... XD
-;257;77

Bu†cH
8th January 2006, 4:19 AM
Al doesn't seem like the person to do that.
Well the guy did send Ed through a window.
Plus, in the first episode, when Ed kicked Al and sand fell out of him and on Ed, Al laughed.

~*Ratiosu*~
9th January 2006, 8:03 PM
So funny...

Yeah, Al wouldn't laugh if someone was getting hurt, but whatever ^_^

meta-master
10th January 2006, 12:49 AM
Well the guy did send Ed through a window.
Plus, in the first episode, when Ed kicked Al and sand fell out of him and on Ed, Al laughed.

yeah i remember that that was funny but he just chuckled a little.

Bu†cH
19th February 2006, 10:30 AM
After one and one third months, I give you the newest addition with so far, the biggest twist.


---------------------------------------
EPISODE TWO: REALM OF SCIENCE
CHAPTER SIX: YOO YEE
---------------------------------------

Candy Bar. 3:26PM.
As Ed woke up a few seconds after he was knocked out of the Candy Bar, covered by glass shards piercing his skin, he saw Alphonse getting carried away by the helicopter.
"Alphonse!" Ed shouted as he immediately got up, ignoring his current state until a second later.

"Damn," he mumbled looking at the shards and blood all over him, "I can't move without making things worse."

"Hold on, Ed!" shouted Jimmy coming from the Bar and towards Ed with a device that looks like a huge magnet, "Don't move!"
Duh, Ed thought.

When Jimmy finally made it to Ed, he pointed the device at him.
The bloody shards came off as Jimmy rotated once around Ed.

Jimmy raised his left wrist and looked at his weird metal watch. "Goddard, come here right away."
After eleven seconds of blood still spilling, the mechanical dog, aka Goddard, came flying to the scene, using his ears as choppers.

As it came down to the ground, Jimmy said, "Don't worry, Ed. You'll be alright. Goddard, activate Mummification Mode."

The mechanical dog, which is Goddard, sprung out two mechanical hands with white bandages from its back and wrapped them around Ed's entire body.

After Ed had been mummified, he had his hands close to each other under the tight bandages. So he clapped his hands and blasted the bandages, speading his arms for more freedom, but yet still bleeding a bit.

"Hell no I'm gonna be under some crappy bandages while Al gets captured!" Ed angrily yelled.
Jimmy replied, "But you're-"
"I KNOW! I KNOW! I don't give a crap losing a bit of blood. It happens all the time. And would you excuse me. I gotta find a way to save him."
"I could help."
"How?"
"I got something in this cube."

Jimmy pulled out a purple glowing cube from his left pocket and a hovercraft-like vehicle popped out of it like magic.
"HOLY CRAP!" Ed was totally astonished by the magical appearance of the vehicle.
"It's my hovercar," Jimmy said, with the rest of the crew entering the hovercar also.

"You know where they're heading?" Ed asked.
"I know that guy who kidnapped your brother. His name is Yoo Yee," Jimmy replied.
"Yoo Yee....Yoo Yee...." Sheen thought out loud, "Never heard of him."
"He was that guy who kidnapped Libby and challenged you in a duel for the crown of the Chosen One in Shandri Llama."
"Nope. Still haven't known him."
"YOU'RE KIDDING ME!?" Libby shouted, "HOW COULD YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT!?"

The hovercar lifted off the ground, and then moved forward, going in high speed in about four seconds.

"I can't believe you built this, too," Ed said, "At least literally that is."
"It's true," Carl said, "He made lots of stuff that do amazing things."
"Like what?"
"Like this one time, he brought my goldfish back to life."

Ed's eyelids slightly widened and hesitated for a while.

Five years ago, Edward and Alphonse Elric, who were completely human at the time, tried to bring someone dear back from the dead also in the attic of their house in Resembool. That simple someone was their mother, who died from a disease a year before the attempted ressurection, which yet ended up as more than a failure, but near suicide.

"Helloooo...." Sheen said, waving his hand in front of Ed's face. "Earth to Ed!"
Ed regained his senses and shook his head.
"Huh?" Ed said, confused.

The moving hovercar was currently twenty feet above the dry desert countryside.

"Get ready, Ed," Jimmy said, still keeping his eyes on his path. "This'll be a bumpy ride."
Jimmy insterted a chip into the steering wheel, which made the hovercar shoot out a laser beam that turned into an orange portal.

"WHAT IS THAT!?" Ed excitedly shouted.
"We're going through hyperspace."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No."
"Good."
The hovercar immediately zoomed through the portal in 10,000/mph, over fifty times as fast as the vehicle was currently going.

Unknown Location. 3:30PM, or is it?

A minute later, in another place, it was nighttime. A definite number of small dark purple clouds peacefully fly under the star-filled, yet moonless dark blue sky. The place was full of mountains. And under those mountains were miles of grass and many, even yet a small number of trees and small hills.

Then, another orange portal appeared twenty feet over the surface. And out came the hovercar. It lost balance and crashed into the ground, spreading dust around them. As the dust cleared, the crew was all here, even though they were thrown out of the vehicle during impact.

"If you're gonna use something dangerous, you should at least test it first!" growled Cindy, lying headfirst on the ground.
"I did!" Jimmy said, getting up like everyone else.
"Well, it doesn't look like it," Ed said, who got shot off the farthest and currently standing. "Anyways, where's this Yoo Yee or whatever his name is?"
"Funny thing about that," Jimmy chuckled, "They're gonna be here in like....let's see....seven hours."
"So we would've caught the copter by now, but instead we'll have to wait here for a quarter of a day for it to get here and now the hovercar is broken. That was your plan?"
"Oops."
Ed sighed. "Crap. Hey wait a sec. How come it's nigh-"

"Welcome to Shandri Llama," a mysterious deep yet old voice said behind Ed, who immedately jumped.
Ed turned back to what he saw were three people with brown hooded cloaks. Two of them had their hood on and are behind the unhooded man, who was bald and wears glasses before his wide blue eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING," Ed shouted at the unhooded man's face. "SNEAKING UP ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT!?"

"We just said 'Hi'," said the man who took two steps back. "And would I suggest breath mints?"
He dug into his right cloak pocket and took out a small, yet wide metal can which said 'Antoids. Cinnamon Flavor'
"You do like Cinnamon flavor, do you?" The man asked.

*Credit music*

Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist
Al: Episode Three: Fight to the Unconsciousness

*Mute random scenes of next episode*
*Ed fighting Yoo Yee*
Ed: If Jimmy were older, I'd kick his *** by now.
*Winrey sleeping*

~*Ratiosu*~
19th February 2006, 2:46 PM
Too funny, though you're still switching between past and present tense, and you had a couple typos. But other than that it was hilarious. Nyah.

Bashaamo
19th February 2006, 5:07 PM
:D Not as funny, but funny enough to keep me laughing.
But yeah, I agree with the above- You had a couple of typos there. ACtually, I sight only one... ;>>

meta-master
19th February 2006, 6:26 PM
funny, funny, funny! :D ...thats all i have ... not that good with writing in this case typing long things but its very good.

Bu†cH
20th February 2006, 5:56 AM
I know that this isn't the funniest chapter you've ever read, but I'm glad you guys enjoyed it.
In the next chapter or so, you'll experience even more humor packed into one chapter at a time.
----------------
And where are the typos? I'll need to find those immediately before someone else notices them.

Bashaamo
20th February 2006, 6:52 AM
After one and one third months, I give you the newest addition with so far, the biggest twist.


---------------------------------------
EPISODE TWO: REALM OF SCIENCE
CHAPTER SIX: YOO YEE
---------------------------------------


"Welcome to Shandri Llama," a mysterious deep yet old voice said behind Ed, who immedately [Immediately] jumped.
Ed turned back to what he saw were three people with brown hooded cloaks. Two of them had their hood on and are behind the unhooded man, who was bald and wears glasses before his wide blue eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING," Ed shouted at the unhooded man's face. "SNEAKING UP ONE PEOPLE LIKE THAT!?"

"We just said 'Hi'," said the man who took two steps back. "And would I suggest breath mints?"
He digs into his right cloak pocket and took out a small, yet wide metal can which said 'Altoids. Cinnamon Flavor'
"You do like Cinnamon flavor, do you?" The man asked.

*Credit music*

Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist
Al: Episode Three: Fight to the Unconciousness [Unconsciousness]

*Mute random scenes of next episode*
*Ed fighting Yoo Yee*
Ed: If Jimmy were older, I'd kick his *** by now.
*Winrey sleeping*
The bolded and Dark Orange one, in the [] brackets. They're the only two I could find, though. ~*Ratiosu*~ can probably spot more, but I'm too lazy.

[Cano]
26th February 2006, 10:28 PM
:D:D:D:D:D

Still funny. I love it. However, the last three chapters seemed littered with grammatical errors...most of which are understandable, but still errors none the less. Might I suggest that I be allowed to beta your work? That way, I'd be able to get a first review of it (YAY!) and you'd be able to submit the best piece of work possible. Equivalency!

And if that's not enough, I'll even let you beta my upcoming chapters! Yeah, that sounds fair, and fun! WHEEE!

Keep on learning and progressing. By this fic's end, you will be infinitely better than it's start. Guaranteed. ;)
<SCM>

meta-master
27th February 2006, 4:20 PM
thanks for inviting me to be beta tester but im a little sick right now (i was snowboarding for the first time yesterday) and my head hurts so ill look for errors later, to tired.

Bu†cH
21st August 2006, 7:10 AM
Good news and bad news....

Good news is that I edited every chapter of the fanfic to make it more understandable and sound better. And after six months.....

THE NEWEST CHAPTER IS FINALLY HERE!

But the bad news is that none of my beta-testers are here anymore. So if you find any errors, please notify me.

Enjoy.
-------------

---------------------------------------
EPISODE THREE: FIGHT TO THE UNCONSCIOUSNESS
CHAPTER SEVEN: GOLDEN-EYED ONE
---------------------------------------

Shandri Llama. 3:31PM, or is it?

"You do like Cinnamon flavor, do you?" The unhooded man asked Ed, as he tried to open up the metal can. "Come on, you stupid thing! OPEN!"
"Uhhhhh....no thanks," replied Ed, confused.

When the man looked at Ed again, even though he was still struggling with the can, he gasped and dropped the can, which opened when it hit the ground, spreading out pink ant-shaped tablets.
"What?" Ed asked, looking around.
The man and the two cloaked men beside him huddled and whispered about something, leaving Ed and the crew guessing what they're talking about.

The men turned back facing Ed. Then, the unhooded man walked up to Ed and poked him in the left eye.
"AAAH!" Ed shouted. "What the hell's your problem!? First, I got this weird kid with me-" He pointed at Sheen for a second. "-who poked me a while back. And now you, too, especially in your age!?"

The men huddled, whispering about something and ignoring Ed's cries for attention. Then, they faced the enraged Ed and bowed down to him, chanting in unison, "All hail the Golden-Eyed One!"
"Me?" Ed asked, pointing at himself.
The unhooded man replied, "We monks are pretty stingy on how to pick our chosen ones. So we have more than one."
"There is more than one?" Sheen asked, "Sweet! Now I have a legendary cousin or cousins."
"As we were saying. He, one of the two chosen ones, is right."
"How's he a chosen one?" Ed asked, pointing at Sheen.
"Well, he is One Who Puts Foot Behind Head. And you are the Golden-Eyed One."
"Had there ever been a golden-eyed one?"
"Of course. He didn't have golden eyes and see at the same time unlike you. Three years ago, one of our monks was painting a llama statue gold and he had golden paint on his eyes. And we had praised him for as long as he lived or the paint faded off."
".....Why did you monks worship him for that?"
"Everybody loves gold, especially golden eyes."

"And what happened to him?"
"Well, a month or so later....we kinda lost count....It was raining and the gold paint on his eyes went away. He was happily dancing around the meadow. But, he got struck by lightning. Fortunately, we still have his ashes in the temple. Do you want to see?"
"No thanks......Well, we wasted like three minutes out of around seven hours. What else is there to do?"
"Well, it's 5:35am. So it's a half an hour 'til breakfast."
"It's 5:35am!? Did we travel in time or something?" Ed faced Jimmy suspiciously.
"No," Jimmy replied, "There are twenty-four time zones around the planet. So we passed through 15 time zones."
"So that means we went around halfway around the world to here. Oh yeah, I remember now."

Ed faced back at the unhooded monk. "Are there rooms that we can stay in for a while?"
"Sure," the monk replied, "But that'll be $200. But Chosen Ones get a 50% discount."
"YOU EVEN CHARGE ME AND SHEEN, THE CHOSEN ONES!? WE ARE NOT PLEASED!"
"Why didn't you say so before? You two are the chosen ones. We'll give you the rooms free of charge, at least for one stay."
"Deal."
---------------------------------------
Pacific Ocean. 1:36AM in Al's Location

In the middle of the ocean where very small or no traces of land are to be seen and 10,000 feet over the liquid surface, Yoo Yee and his copter still had a long way to go.

"Well, my knight in shining armor," he looked down at Al, still tangled in rope. "It seems that your brother and your stupid friends......ESPECIALLY THAT SO-CALLED CHOSEN ONE.....are not here to rescue you.
Al didn't look up at Yoo Yee. "What Chosen One?"
"SO-CALLED Chosen One! He and his friends cheated in our last battle."
"How did they?" Al was still looking down and finally got his right hand free, but not the rest of his arm.
"Well, where do I start? Oh yeah."

While he was telling his story in violent anger, Al drew a small transmutation circle on the rope. And when he was finished, he put his index finger on it to activate it, but nothing happened. He tried again, but the results are the same. Then, he vigorusly tapped on it.
"Come on, you stupid circle! Work!"
"A what?" Yoo Yee said and saw the circle, "Oh. You were trying to use a circle to defeat me?"
He streched down and peeled off the circle and, accidentally, part of the rope, which ended up with Al spinning as he gets untangled.
"Hmm...." Yoo Yee started to talk to himself, but didn't notice Al in a brink of demise. "Whatever this circle is will ruin my plans to become the Chosen One."
"Hey, you," Yoo Yee said as he faced Al, but he was gone.

Al crashed face-first onto a 30-foot island with only two coconut trees.
Yoo Yee looked down at the island and said, "Oh well. If I do lose, WHICH IS NOT POSSIBLE, at least everybody loses."
Then, Al got up, facing the copter leaving the scene.
"HEY! GET BACK HERE!" he yelled, trying to get their attention.
He grabbed a coconut from one of the trees and threw it far at the copter. But it ricocheted off the copter's top propeller and flew right back at Al. In high-speed, the coconut bounced off Al's crotch.
The impact affected him very little. In fact, he responded by saying, "If I were in my human body now, that would seriously hurt."
---------------------------------------
Central Town. 3:52PM.

In a big, red room with shelves of books in two opposite sides, a door in another side and in the opposite side, a big window with a great view of the big and bright town, a tan-skinned man with very short, black hair in a blue military uniform like the ones in Zenotime recently with an eyepatch and a pale-colored scar covering his left eye socket sat on a red leather chair with a wooden desk in front of him.

He was sipping his warm tea, when the phone on the right side of his desk rang.
He picked it up and answered it. "Hello. Fuhror Badley's office. How may I help you?"
It was Mustang calling him. He, along with the rest of his troops, were riding in the train which the Elrics previously took. He replied. "Hello. This is Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang, with bad news."
"Go on."
"It seems that the train going to Central and carrying the Elric brothers didn't reach our location in time and the Elrics weren't there when the train didn't come at the expected time, rumored that they have disappeared in a portal while Edward was trying to transmute a wheel for the train.
"Disappeared? Are you sure that they didn't take them for some reason?"
"That's what they said. But we found what must be reddish-brown soil affected by this portal they were talking about that took the Elrics."
"Hmmm....are you sure it's not blood?"
"It was a bit browner than blood. In fact, there's no scent in it."
"Well then, bring the soil back to Central and let me look at it."
"Yes, sir."
They hung up. Mustang sat down on a nearby chair and waited for the trip to Central to end.

Rufinito18
29th August 2006, 3:35 AM
Pretty good...I like the way you're SO detailed....and ur descriptions are fine...
I'm not much of a fic rater...x_x

meta-master
3rd September 2006, 6:22 PM
Still as great as ever, but since I last posted a while ago and you posted about a week ago, your bumping your thread so this is going to get closed :(

Bu†cH
4th September 2006, 9:43 AM
Not really.

It's a legal bump only by the creator AND he has an update. Thanks for warning me anyway.