View Full Version : The Life of a Hero, Pokemon Master (Revised)
30th October 2005, 10:33 PM
A few months ago I finished my first fanfic in this forum called, "The Life of a Hero, Pokemon Master". It had a ton of reviews and I had a lot of readers. However, as I was reading over it myself I found it to be short, lacking description, and overall shallow. It is with great pleasure that I now post the new and revised edition of The Life of a Hero, Pokemon Master. I would like to remind you that it is also owned by ERN Inc. like my other fics. Anyway, here is the first chapter, enjoy.
Chapter 1: Introduction:
Excerpt taken from Darren Diamond’s Journal
This is the tale of my life. I have been through everything a person can possibly imagine. I have seen creations and destructions of many nations and pokemon. Although my life’s story began to hit a streak of popularity when I was thirty, my adventure began when I was seven years old.
I had long brown hair when I was seven. I can still remember my mom telling me that I should cut it so that it would match my blue eyes, but I wanted to look like my friend Lance. I was a silly child. I used to take long walks in the mountains because we didn’t have television reception where we lived. Because of this I was very fit, and could beat up on the ten year olds because of my stature.
Growing up in the town of Blackthorn, I knew the legend of the many elusive dragon pokemon that lived in the lakes around us as well as everyone in the city. My best friend Lance and I used to hike up a part of Mount Silver that had a waterfall on it that was just north of Blackthorn almost every day because he swore that he saw a dragon in the lake above the waterfall. Lance was my best friend ever. He truly was a noble trainer.
After about six months of hiking, he devised a plan to capture this elusive dragon, for there was an unseen bond between the two, and he seemed possessed by the dragons' very existence. He told me that he must be left alone to capture it, so I left him alone overnight.
That night I sat in bed awake. I could not fall asleep. I kept worrying about Lance sitting on top of the mountain all alone. I wondered what he was doing and if he was going to be alright. Because I was seven, I didn’t worry for too long as sleep slowly took me.
Before the sun came up that next morning, I was awake. I snuck past my parent’s room, ate a quick breakfast, packed some food for Lance, and hurried to the top of the mountain.
When I arrived I saw the biggest smile on Lance’s face as he showed me one of the brand new pokeballs his dad had given him. He threw it in the air and out popped a small, worm-like creature, about five feet long and as blue as a summer sky. It had glossy black eyes that made a person feel happy just looking in them. It swam in the water, but never farther than 5 feet away from Lance.
Lance stared at the creature with his mouth shut. It was evident that he deeply loved his newly captured friend. He then broke the silence by saying, "He's such a small dragon, and I’ll call him Dratini." And so my friend Lance became the first known person to have captured a Dratini.
For a few minutes we just stared at the beautiful dragon, its silky scales and smooth features made it seem to glow. This glow made me want to touch it, to caress it, and to love it, but as I stepped into the lake I slipped and fell into the water. Struggling and gasping for breath, I tried swimming back to shore, but a strong current had me in its grasp. Even though I was in great shape, I was completely at the mercy of the raging water. It wasn’t until I saw what was causing the current that I had any feelings of panic. An enormous waterfall loomed before me, pulling me towards it.
I looked towards the waterfall and knew that my life was going to be over in a matter of seconds. My mind froze and I stopped paddling. It dawned on me that I was going to die. No more walks in the forest, no more of mom’s fresh baking, no more fun. As I was flung over the edge I saw the jagged rocks below me. They looked like black thorns, and they just so happened to be the same rocks that my hometown was named after. I shut my eyes. I suddenly felt the feeling of becoming weightless, because I was falling at the exact same speed as the water. For one brief moment I had absolute peace. I cringed, waiting for my body to impact at high speed into the jagged rocks.
I waited and waited for the crushing blow of the rocks but it didn't come. I slowly opened my eyes and found myself in what looked like a pink bubble of psychic energy. I had a neighbor that had a Kadabra that could make energy bubbles like this. I was but a foot from the pointy rocks. I let out an enormous sigh of relief. Then, the bubble unexpectedly shot upwards like a rocket. I watched my body fly upwards through the water that was falling down, but I did not get wet. When I was above the falls I could see Lance looking up at me, dumbstruck. The bubble I was in floated down beside him and melted away into thin air, and I landed on my butt on the ground with a thud.
It was then that I saw my rescuer. I looked into the sky and saw the legendary Mew, a small pink pokemon that flew without wings. It apparently held its frame up in the air with its psychic powers. Mew flew around Lance and me and seemed quite pleased with what he had done. It giggled as it somersaulted through the air as if it didn’t have a care in the world. I watched the little pokemon in awe.
After about a minute of watching the little display of affection, Mew turned and began to leave, but before it did, I yelled, "Thank you, Mew! I'll never forget you!"
Mew laughed once again and then flew away. That was my first encounter with a legendary pokemon. I didn’t know it then, but it was not to be the last time I would se one. This experience inspired me to become a trainer, that maybe one day in the future I would see my legendary friend again.
My training began on my eleventh birthday, the age that most children in my village were looked upon as adults. My father, who was a world renowned trainer himself, presented me with my very own dragon pokemon, a small Bagon. It was custom in Blackthorn for the father of a trainer to give their child a dragon as they came of age. I was so excited that I almost left the house without saying goodbye to my parents. Through the years, Bagon and I became the best of friends, and through the wins and the losses we learned to love each other deeply.
On the day that I left my home, Lance and I went our separate ways. We met at the southern gate of Blackthorn and Lance said, "When we are both famous one day we are going to have to battle sometime." I nodded, for I couldn't find any words leaving my best friend. He smiled and then headed north to the icy caves for endurance training with his dragons. I headed south, not knowing what I was to expect.
Lance went on to become the most powerful dragon trainer in the world. I still read about his accomplishments in newspapers and see him on the covers of magazines. I went on to master the art of battling; but I followed this path out of the spotlight unlike Lance. We had battled each other over the years, always in secret, underground arenas. Sometimes he'd win, sometimes I'd win, but no matter the outcome we were still great friends, but after we separated it had always felt as if there was a wall between us.
My pokemon grew quite well over the years. After long and careful training, my little Bagon became a full fledged Salamence, who quite enjoyed flying and didn't mind my frequent world vacations. I felt that I loved him better than my own parents because I was with him more. I mostly talked to my parents because I thought it was kind to them, and now I wish I had spoken with them longer.
When I was a beginning trainer I caught just four other pokemon and could never give them up for the world. I just didn’t like the feeling of placing my pokemon in cold storage, never to be used again. I had captured a Ghastly once in Lavender Tower because I believed it to be haunted and proved it with this ghost. Through rigorous training he became a Gengar, very skilled in interdimensional workings.
Also, when I was twelve, I encountered a Ralts through the Ilex forest. It was very odd to see one in this part of the world, but it was not unheard of. Ralts grew very close to me, as was her nature, and over time she became a beautiful Gardevoir, one who protected me from all types of danger. It seemed to me that I had a very spiritual bond with Gardevoir throughout my years as a trainer.
I had also been frustrated one day when an elusive Goldeen would not consent to being caught by me. In this frustration I threw one of my pokeballs into the river. After I calmed down I got into the river and began searching for my pokeball. I found it amidst some rocks and fished it out. It felt slightly heavier than when I had thrown it and I wondered if I had in fact caught the Goldeen after all. I threw the ball into the air and to my surprise out popped a Magikarp. I was shocked but slightly disappointed. All I heard about Magikarp as that they were completely useless. However, out of pity I kept him, and one day he evolved into a splendid Gyarados.
And the last of all my pokemon that I had captured was a Pupitar. In fact, Pupitar was a relatively recent addition to my team, as I had only had her for about three years when my adventure began. There were some miners that were digging for gold in Mt. Silver. One day they had found her and assumed that she was an odd shaped rock, so they threw her aside in a pile of rubble. I just so happened to be watching the miners at the time and quickly went and saved her. She was grateful for my goodness and has been faithful to my team ever since.
Each of these pokemon has a deep and significant meaning to me. I have only had five pokemon throughout my entire life because I never trusted the pokemon teleportation system. I had heard a rumor of a person capturing an oddly colored Tarous and that when he checked his computer later for it, it was gone. I loved the pokemon that I had, so I was sure to keep them with me at all times.
I believe that I have now given you enough information on the story of my past life and I am sure that you are eager to read what else I have done with my life. I would like to tell you that I am not writing this to brag or to boast, but to preserve a record of truth that we might all grow closer together.
There you go. Please reply and tell me what you think.
30th October 2005, 10:58 PM
Like a phoenix, this has returned in a blaze of glory! Fresher and better than ever, this ruled, and undoubtedly the rest of it will.
31st October 2005, 5:59 AM
Thanks SF for reading, and I'm glad you liked it. I spent the last few days going through it piece by piece pulling out irrelevant parts and adding in good ones. I'm almost done with the next one; it should be up in the next day or too. Anyone else out there like it?
31st October 2005, 6:53 AM
Blah ... don't you know how to double press enter? It makes a story go from looking like a big block of text, to having paragraphs. Overall and beyond that I didn't find anything to complain for description ... well except the fact that you didn't describe the pokemon really, you gave the character a Bagon when from what I remember, trainers trying to become dragon trainers are a whee bit forced to earn that title. As they were made to take tests to become one, you know with dragon like pokemon. Horsea or Charmander....
But to start right off the bat with a Bagon, then catch a Pupitar like that, and catching that Magikarp was a bit laughable. From the looks of it, so quickly. I really just see a Mary Sue in sheep's clothing here. I mean the pokemon don't sound like they have emotions, I mean from the looks of it they have the emotional quality of the pokemon from the anime. Always loyal. Always ready to do their trainers bidding. Etc etc etc.
31st October 2005, 6:57 AM
kool. cant wait for next chapter
31st October 2005, 7:17 AM
Well, thank you all for replying to my first chapter, mainly you Renegade. I do think that you made some honest and true points in your critisism and I have changed the paragraph structure for that. However, as every author does, we have to defend our work. Like when you said,
you didn't describe the pokemon really, you gave the character a Bagon when from what I remember, trainers trying to become dragon trainers are a whee bit forced to earn that title
I realized that it might seem odd to the average reader. I believe in writing about the pokemon world as I think of it. Firstly, Darren doesn't want to become a dragon tamer as was evident in his turn towards the south. Sure he has a dragon pokemon, but that was just his luck of being born to the city of Blackthorn, where dragons are praised.
Also, please realize that Darren is writing this when he is very old, after all his adventures have happened. This is why it was odd when you said
But to start right off the bat with a Bagon, then catch a Pupitar like that, and catching that Magikarp was a bit laughable
It has been many years and he has a big story to tell, of course he is going to lack description. For example, when you are at a party introducing someone to a friend, you don't say, "Hello, meet Joe Bob. He is 37 but he tells everyone he is 21. He suffers from bipolar depression and he is addicted to Home Star Runner." Plus, Darren is the narrator now, and his view is not omniscient because he is a character. It is only an introduction to his work, not the story itself. Besides, for clarification, he started off with a Bagon when he was 11, and he is now thirty, and caught the Pupitar three years ago. Hmm, doesn't sound like he caught it immediately to me, but whatever floats your boat.
And finally, you said
I really just see a Mary Sue in sheep's clothing here. I mean the pokemon don't sound like they have emotions, I mean from the looks of it they have the emotional quality of the pokemon from the anime. Always loyal. Always ready to do their trainers bidding
Once again, this is the writing of an old man introducing himself to a future reader. He is mentioning them now so that when he tells the rest of the story; the reader will be familiar with the pokemon and can see how their emotions work together. I believe that when you are writing a story that milk should come before the meat of the story, expecially the way that I'm writing it.
And yet now I see how the real reader looks at my work and it has made me think more about it. Please check on when my next chapter is posted and tell me what you think everybody. Oh, and Renegade, you can place me on your list for liking what you do.
31st October 2005, 7:37 AM
Hmm... I can't remember exactly what your original was like, but I have a vague feeling this is better. Standalone though, this is an excellent piece. Although I do have one small little gripe.
If it's his journal, why does he mention his "Story" and whatnot, I mean, journals are kinda like diaries right? Never to be read?
1st November 2005, 12:46 AM
This is new introduction sounds even better than the first. I loved your new background information on Darren's early life. It brings me back to how your first story began. I can't wait to see the next chapter.
Felix Feral Fezirix
2nd November 2005, 1:30 AM
skid00d, Darren wrote it expecting others to read and learn a lesson from his adventures. Journal is not meeant to be secret. Check your dictionary.
And Mr. Renegade, this is a flashback. Like Shiny_Deoxys said, Darren is now thirty(even though he neglected to type that in the intro), and thus he would have powerful pokemon. 2 years will be enough time to evolve all your pokemon at the slowest rate, let alone 19. And it's a flashback. He's skimming over the events in his life up to the point of time when he wrote. Yeah, you're right on some points, but others you're taking too far. All because you failed to notice that it's a journal and a flashback.
And Mr Renegade, if you are bored you may add me to your list. Of the like.
Nice edit to the intro Shiny_Deoxys, it's much better than the last. The last one it sounded like Darren was rushing, skimming the surface. This one's more in depth. Much better.
Graagh. It's time to go.
2nd November 2005, 8:42 AM
Thanks for your responses everyone. I'm glad I have had so many reviews in such a short time. Anyways, I'm kinda tired, so here is the next chapter.
Chapter 2: An Unrefusable Offer
Blackthorn City, March 5, 6:30
DING! DONG! The doorbell rang loudly and echoed throughout my house. I sighed. I really should buy more furniture or put down carpet to stop all that echoing, I thought to myself. I was in the living room with my Pupitar. She did not look very healthy at the moment. Her eyes had glazed over and her shell had turned deep brown in color. I could hear heavy breathing coming through some of the holes in her shell and it sounded like it was hurting her to inhale. These were all signs of imminent evolution; she was getting too heavy for her shell. Soon it would crack open, and as you can probably imagine, I was very excited to have a Tyranitar come into the family.
It was a gloomy day outside. Dark rain clouds hung over Blackthorn, but they refused to release their rain. Even though it was dry, there was loud thunder coming from the skies. Any other day I would have a soon-to-be Tyranitar outside in the yard so that the house wouldn’t suffer any damage, but little Pupitar was very nervous towards thunder and the dark.
I planned on ignoring the doorbell because I felt it was more important that I stay with my Pupitar. However, the doorbell kept ringing continuously. With a sigh of annoyance I hurried to answer it. However, if I had known the consequences of this simple action, I would have never opened up the door.
I opened the door to see a man standing patiently, as if he hadn't been ringing my doorbell like a maniac. He was dressed in a two-piece blue suit, a bizarre fashion that I have never seen in my days. It looked like a swimming suit, yet more stylish. There was a strange pattern of an A on the center of his chest. He also wore dark sunglasses and looked as calm as a sea before the storm. The man looked as if he had weathered many storms, and his face seemed to have been chiseled by the waves.
"Can I help you?" I asked in a voice that expressed my apprehension. I was straight forward and to the point so that I could get this conversation over as quickly as possible. The man just smiled at my reaction.
"Yes you can,” the man in blue replied. "More than you can possibly imagine at the moment. May I come in?"
“Why? What are you selling?” I asked him. I hated door to door salesmen, and this guy was beginning to get on my nerves. For some reason I couldn’t trust him. He looked familiar though; I couldn’t place where I had seen him before.
The man kept his smile as perfect as ever. “I’m not selling anything. I was instructed to come here by your friend Lance, the dragon tamer.
At the mention of Lance's name I immediately apologized and showed him into my home. Lance and I had promised not to make our friendship common knowledge to the public, so I thought the man in blue must have something very important to say.
The man was very friendly, commenting on the contents of my trophy room. However, I felt that he was putting on an act. He wanted something from me, but I could not tell what it was. When I brought him into the living room, he saw Pupitar and remarked, "Oh dear, he looks dreadfully sick. Are you taking care of him?"
"It’s a 'her', for one, and obviously you have never studied Pupitars." I said to him in an intelligent sounding voice. "They get very sick before they evolve because their body is creating special enzymes that will break through the shell. Also, her bloodstream is filled with steroids that are dormant right now, but when her shell cracks they will grow very intense muscle mass. Her eyes are glazed because fluids are spreading over them, changing them to smaller, sharper eyes. She has been getting worse for the last two weeks, so it has to be very soon now. However, it still could be a week or more."
I sat down in my lazy boy chair and leaned forward. “She had better evolve sooner than later because this transition makes her very hungry and it’s very expensive to keep her happy." The man nodded towards me and sat on the couch next to Pupitar. He leaned forward, took off his glasses, and looked me in the eyes.
Quietly he asked me, "What do you know about the cataclysm that happened in Hoenn ten years ago, Mr. Diamond? Regarding the cataclysm I mean.”
Why is he asking me this? I thought to myself. I decided to play his game and I told him all that I knew, but I was going to sound like it wasn’t that important. "Well, I know it had something to do with some idiotic gang that had upset the balance of nature or something by unleashing two ancient pokemon in Sootopolis. It must have been one of those crazy schemes by Team Rocket in another foolish attempt to take over the world.” As I mentioned the idiotic gang he twitched ever so slightly, as if something I said had offended him. However, when I blamed the infamous Team Rocket, he relaxed.
I took no note of it. I thought that he might have a tick or something, so I continued explaining what I knew. “The two titans clashed and reaped destruction on the city of Sootopolis. I can still remember seeing freak thunderstorms and enormous heat waves on the news that night. I also know that there was a man who knew some ancient magic or something and he stopped the titans from completely destroying the earth. I don't know much more than that, because that was all that they showed on TV. Why do you care if I know anything about this?"
Pupitar was getting nervous. She hopped over to me with a groaning sound. She didn't like to move about, but she didn't like this new person more. Panting, she rested against my leg and went to sleep.
The man looked me in the eyes again, and I noticed that they were the bluest eyes I had ever seen. "We have found the resting place of the great Groudon, the ultimate ground pokemon which fought for dominance in the city of Sootopolis." It took a second before I grasped what he said, and when I finally understood him, I didn’t believe him. "Groudon appears to be dormant; we have done numerous tests on it for about a year and can detect no signs of life at all. If we didn’t know better we would assume that Groudon was just a hunk of rock. I have come all this way to ask you if you would be interested in seeing such a beast, or the body of one anyway.”
I thought about it, and the feelings of suspicion came back to me. I was tired of playing his game, so I asked him straight out. “Why me?" I asked, "I don't even know your name, I don’t think I have ever fought you, and I don't make myself known to many people."
"To tell you the truth,” the man began, “we first went to Lance to ask him if he would like to see Groudon, but he said that he was to busy with the League starting up this summer. We tried for hours to convince him about this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but he again declined our offer. We were sorry that he couldn’t come and asked him if there was anyone else that we could offer this exclusive opportunity to and he recommended you in his place."
I then realized something that he was saying. He kept repeating the word “we” instead of mentioning himself. He had to be part of some organization, which explained the crazy blue clothes that he was wearing.
"Pupi, Pupitar!!!" screeched Pupitar. She had woken up from her sleep and was shaking terribly. Then I heard a bloodcurdling snap emanate from her. I looked at her and saw an enormous crack running down the outside of her shell, right along the spine. Without even thinking, I grabbed Pupitar. I tried my hardest to lift her so that I could get her outside on the yard but she was too heavy.
“Help!” I yelled at the man in blue. I just finished paying off my house, and I didn't want it to be destroyed. He hurried and together we lifted her off the carpet and out the back door. I noticed immediately that it had started to rain a little. Once outside, we placed her in the center of the yard and stood back. The shell cracked twice more, one across the belly and another across the face. Each crack was terribly loud, and sounded like the very earth was opening up. Gradually, the shell lost all movement and fell to the ground, opening up, and the soft body on the inside began to take form.
At first the body looked like a small pulsating lump of flesh and bone, lying in the wake of its cracked shell. However, the body reached out for the shell and with loud snaps of teeth and rock began to devour it. This seemed to renew its strength, and it stood on its two newly formed hind legs, a powerful tail swishing behind them. The steroids kicked in then, and the muscles of the forming Tyranitar began to bulge all over her body. The skin began to thicken considerably and locked in place. The shell was packed with nutrients that had been accumulated for years, and were aiding Tyranitar in this process.
The rock-hard hide of Tyranitar then smoothed out and dulled in color, giving her a look of a boulder. Her face had formed into the shape that gives Tyranitar’s an imitating look that makes weak pokemon flee. Last of all, her belly began to harden into a more blue colored stone which was useful in protecting her vital organs. I then beheld my Tyranitar for the first time.
The man in blue came up from behind me, gazing at Tyranitar. "You must be a powerful trainer, Mr. Diamond, to have trained a Pupitar so well. You have to take this job, not many other trainers are strong… I mean, as good as you."
I ignored him, and began speaking to my Tyranitar. "My, how you have grown. It seems as if only yesterday I was pulling you out of that old abandoned rock pile. Now you are probably strong enough to topple Mt. Silver.”
"Roooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr!" Tyranitar bellowed and she stomped a foot, shaking the ground around me.
"Whoa! That's enough excitement for today." I said as I held up a Great Ball, "We don’t want the new house to be destroyed now, do we? Return!" A red beam of light shot out of the ball, absorbed the beast of rock for a moment, and then brought Tyranitar back inside of it. "That was very exciting.” I said to the man in blue. “But not only do I get to deal with an ornery Tyranitar every day, but she is going to cost me a fortune to feed!” The man in blue did not seem to catch my sarcasm however. I sighed. One more ignorant fool in the world.
The man interrupted my thoughts, obviously in a hurry, "We will pay you one million Poke dollars for you to come and investigate, and I'll also give you this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ruby jewel, the same shape and size of a pokeball. The second that it was withdrawn, the rain that was falling immediately stopped. I couldn’t tell, but it also felt to me like the weather got warmer. "This is a valuable item in Hoenn, known as the Red Orb. I thought you'd like to take it with you when you see Groudon." I don’t know if it was the hypnotizing glow of the orb or its flawless shape, but there was something about it that made me have to accept this offer. It was as if the jewel was calling, persuading me to go.
"Alright,” I said, “I'll go.” I quickly took the Red Orb and stuffed it in my left pants pocket. It felt strangely warm against my leg. I looked at the blue suited man and asked with a smile, “What do I have to do?"
The man smiled. He had won; I was going to do what he asked of me. "You need to be in Sootopolis in two weeks. I have made the arrangements for you to take a plane from Goldenrod to Lilycove next Tuesday. When you arrive we will have a helicopter ready to take you into Sootopolis. Here is a list of instructions for you.” He extended a hand holding a manila envelope.
"Well," I replied, using my hand to turn away his envelope, "I must ask you please scrap your plans because I prefer to plan my own traveling arrangements. I will be in Sootopolis by tomorrow, is that okay?"
The man looked surprised, but not doubtful. "Well, sure, if you think you can make it that fast. I’ll let my contact in Sootopolis know that you are coming."
"I know I can make it by later tonight, I have the fastest flyer in all of Johto on my side.” I reached to my belt and called upon a very old and weathered pokeball. I threw it into the air and said, “Salamence, come on out!" The small pokeball bounced twice on the ground, and out came the giant Salamence of mine. The large dragon reared up on his hind and stretched.
His body was extremely toned compared to other Salamences that I had come across over the years. His head was sharp and truly scary to anything that did not get a chance to get to know him. He was a kind old brute, mostly because he knew he did not need to prove anything, being as strong as he was. His large axe-shaped wings beat back and forth a few times to get adequate blood flow through them. He knew that we were going flying, and he was as excited as a dog who was about to go driving in the back of its owner's truck.
"Well,” the blue suited man said, “I'll leave you on your word that you can be there tomorrow. I have to go. I probably won't see you for a while. Meet my coworker in Sootopolis and she will help you with the protocol of getting through the security to see the legendary beast." He handed me a small business card with an "A" on the top and a person's name and address on the back.
As he was leaving I realized again that I still didn't know his name. I had to find out now; maybe it would remind me where I had seen him before. "And who are you exactly; you haven't told me what name you go by."
The man turned slowly, looking me in the eyes again. "My name is Archie Mizu, at your service." I chuckled to myself as I realized that I was technically at his service, for a price of course. "I have to go catch a plane now; I'll hopefully see you later." He put a weird emphasis on the word “hopefully”, but I didn’t read too much into it.
After he left I went out to a shed in my backyard and pulled out an old leather harness that I had made custom for Salamence out of Tauros hide. Although I usually would ride bareback, Sootopolis was very far away, so naturally I didn't want to fall asleep and roll off Salamence’s back. After struggling to put it on, I finally made it fit. I went inside and grabbed some dried trail mix and a couple liters of water, stuffed them in an old backpack I had lying around, and locked the doors. After fastening my backpack, I walked up to my Salamence and stood in front of him.
Slowly, I lifted my right hand in the air. Salamence brought his head down and touched it with his nose, exhaling slightly. His breath smelled terrible, but I did not flinch. I then curved my arm and ran it down the blue scales of his neck. I could feel each individual one as I closed my eyes and concentrated on our secret ritual of friendship. Salamence rubbed his neck against my face ever so gently, and as I clutched both hands around his neck, he lifted me into the air. Slowly he let me down inside of the harness. I quickly strapped my legs down and reached up towards the front of the harness. There were no reins because I guided Salamence by placing my hands on certain points of his neck.
I smiled. I think I can feel an adventure beginning, I thought and I yelled out loud, "Salamence! To Sootopolis!" With a roar, he leaped into the air by leaning back onto his hind legs and thrusting his wings downward. To me it seemed as if he pushed the very ground away from us. We headed north for fifteen seconds when we reached the cliffs north of Blackthorn, the place where I had seen the elusive Mew. After a few minutes of searching we found a thermal and rode it to as high as it would take us, which was about three miles. Once we peaked out, we began our long journey towards the small ocean city of Sootopolis.
There you go. Anyway, I am going to bed. Feel free to reply so that I can make the chapter better in any way possible.
Felix Feral Fezirix
2nd November 2005, 1:21 PM
It's fine, Shiny_Deoxys. A few typos here and there though.
My, have you have grown.
I'd say it's either "My, have you grown" or "My, you have grown". Not both.
At the mention of Lances name
However, I felt that it was a fake act he was putting on.
I might say "However, I felt that he was putting on an act", but I'm not sure whether what you put in is grammatically correct or not.
“She had better evolve sooner than later because this transition makes her very hungry and it’s very expensive to keep her happy.
You forgot to add the closing thingy on the end.
“Why me?" I asked
Tch tch. Where's your period?
"Whoa! That enough excitement for today."
who was about to go driving in the back of its owners truck.
There were no reigns
Reins. Darren is no king.
Well, I think that's about all the typos. Good luck for the next chapter!
2nd November 2005, 4:34 PM
Ahh!!! Holy crap. *fixes all the typos as quickly as possible.* Ah, okay. Hopefully that helps. I wrote that when it was late at night. I have a big chemistry test I am studying for and I'm kinda stressed. Oh well, I hope that fixes it.
2nd November 2005, 7:36 PM
It was good. First couple chapters, so Im not too far behind. Will read some more once you post.
3rd November 2005, 1:19 AM
I thought that it was a great chapter. I could clearly picture Darren seeing his little Pupitar transforming into a huge Tyranitar. I could also feel the events as they happened when I read the story. Great work and I hope to read even more just as great as this soon.
5th November 2005, 12:21 AM
Both chapters are really good, I like your selection of pokemon.
5th November 2005, 9:50 PM
Sorry I'm late I was visiting my grandma. Anyway, this is fantastic. Hmm, I'm lost for words, so I'll just say keep it up!(Note: description definetly best)
13th November 2005, 7:04 PM
Here we go, chapter three. I'm sorry it took a while to get up, I have been writing other things. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think.
Chapter Three: Sootopolis
Somewhere in the Hoenn Ocean, March 6, 1:30 A.M.
Darkness, broken only by tiny specks of light, was all that I could see for miles. It was a very cloudy evening, so only in places where the clouds broke for just a moment the stars would shine through. It was a calm night in this part of the world, but the night had cooled the air and so Salamence was flapping his wings a lot more often to keep himself aloof. He was tired, but enjoying every moment that he had in the air.
He must be completely worn out I thought as his breathing got heavier. If we didn’t reach Sootopolis soon then I would land in the water and have my Gyarados ferry me into the city. However, according to the time that we had been in the air, I figured that we would be reaching Sootopolis within a few minutes.
I had taken a short nap on the way, and I felt a little refreshed. Yet, it was very hard to stay asleep while bumping up and down with every wing beat of a gigantic dragon. Mostly I spent my time just staring off into the darkness around me. It was very intriguing. Darkness lay all around, and I could barely see Salamence's neck in front of me. Many trainers didn’t fly with their pokemon anymore, because they thought flying in airplanes was more comfortable, but in my opinion flying bonded yourself with your pokemon. I was in the life of my Salamence’s hands, and he was protecting me with all of his power.
Suddenly, the harness started shaking softly but firmly. I heard Salamence roar, which meant that Sootopolis was in his sight. I soon began to make preparations for landing by adjusting the harness tighter for the rough riding ahead. Some clouds had opened up right above us, and I could see a faint reflection in the ocean of the stars. The ocean was about a mile down. Even though I was strapped in tightly, I leaned forward and clutched Salamence's neck tighter.
After about five minutes Salamence dropped a little, a signal that Sootopolis was just below us. I tapped the base of his neck with my index finger, which was a sign for him to dive. Salamence extended his wings fully, slowing his speed greatly. When he had stalled completely, he pulled his wings down across his body and fell like a block of lead. Though I had been a little bit sleepy before, all tiredness left my eyes as we plummeted towards the city. I looked down across Salamence’s neck toward the ocean and saw a cluster of lights sitting there like they didn't belong. Here was Sootopolis, the City of Origin.
Sootopolis had originally been an ancient holy city in which the few powerful trainers of the day would travel to. Based solely in the center of a dormant volcano, it was thought to be near impossible to enter because the slopes were almost vertical. A small village had been established in side of it, consisting of the toughest and most powerful trainers. However, when helicopters and other hovercraft were invented, it was colonized very quickly and now was a popular tourist destination. It also held some ancient ruins, the most popular was the famed Cave of Origin where it was rumored that life had began.
The lights jumped up to meet us as we fell towards them. The wind beat against me so furiously that my eyes started to water and my lips began to expand. The air was rushing at me so fast that it felt as if someone were pressing a hand to my face. I tried to keep my eyes on the city to brace myself for the landing process.
One red building grew larger in particular as we headed for the ground. The "P" on it clearly distinguished it as a Pokemon Center, an international pokemon resting hospital and a five-star hotel. I only stayed at Pokemon Centers whenever I went on a trip, mostly because I always got annoyed staying at people’s houses that I didn’t know.
Our landing was imminent, but Salamence held his dive. We were so close I could see the individual buildings. At the last possible moment, Salamence expanded his wings at full force to bring us to an abrupt but soft landing. With a gentle thud we hit the ground.
I reached backwards and felt for a small leather latch that held my body to my harness. With a small tug, I instantly became free of the harness. Slowly, I slid off of my Salamence’s back. Once I was off he curled up into a ball and went to sleep immediately. I proceeded to remove the harness from him, carefully unbuckling the straps along his belly and neck. When it was completely off, I called him softly into his pokeball and attached it to my belt.
I folded up the harness and packed it away into a large compartment in my backpack. After a big yawn, I entered the Pokemon Center. The doors were a clear thick plastic that were rumored to be bulletproof, and they slid open as I approached them. It had been fifteen years since I had last come to Sootopolis, and the Pokemon Center had been remodeled since then, having a larger lobby and an upgraded P.C. system embedded in the wall. I approached the front desk where a rather large Blissey was sleeping. I checked my watch. 1:45 A.M. it flashed. I felt bad about waking up the Blissey, but my desire to have my pokemon healed and to sleep in an actual room inclined me to do so. I walked up to the Blissey and shook her gently.
"Excuse me,” I asked. “Can you take my pokemon and heal them overnight?" I asked the sleepy pokemon. Blissey gave a yawn and took my belt with all five of my pokemon on it. She then waddled into the back room where the hospital was. She apparently didn’t want to deal with me anymore, because after about thirty seconds a nurse with long blonde hair came out. She had obviously just woken up because she didn’t have any make-up on, her hair wasn’t combed, and she looked really sleepy.
She looked at me and faked a smile. Nurses were required by the hospital to always be kind to their guests. Over the years I had seen some nurses crack because of the act they had to put on to some stubborn people. However, I wanted to cause the least amount of stress as possible. I decided to make things short and to the point.
"Would you like a room?" She asked in a low, monotone voice. I could tell that she wanted this conversation to be as short as possible too.
"Yes please. I've been flying all night. All the way from Blackthorn City." I replied.
She looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. "Blackthorn, eh? We don't get many visitors from there. What are you here for?" She seemed mildly interested, but I felt that I had to keep the real reason that I was here a secret. I didn’t think that she would have wanted to be reminded of the cataclysm that occurred ten years ago.
"I'm supposed to be meeting someone for business." I said. It was a small lie, and it pulled off its purpose. She lost whatever interest that she did have and she opened up a small drawer in her desk.
"Room 202,” she said as she produced a key from the confines of the desk. “One of our best. Have a good night."
I took the key and gave her a quick thank you, then hustled up to my room. It was on the second floor, but it was easy because the escalators worked at night. The hallway was lit just enough that I could maneuver down it and find my room. Once I discovered it, I opened it with the key, turned around and locked the door behind me. I stretched and let my backpack fall on the floor. I was so tired that I climbed right into bed with my clothes on. I can’t tell to this day, but I believe that I was asleep before my head actually hit the pillow.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The earth was shaking tremendously. I stood alone at the edge of a large cavern. Large rocks began to fall from the ceiling, plummeting to the ground. Every time one struck the floor, magma would seep up and gobble it up. I began to panic as red light began to flood the entire room with an eerie glow. The shaking of the ground knocked me to my feet. I beheld the spectacle whilst lying on my back. The earth seemed to be bent on destroying me.
Thoughts began racing through my head. I knew these were the last moments of my life. I was witnessing Hell as it reached up to snag another victim. Panic took control of my mind and I began to hyperventilate. I had to do something to save myself from this fire which would consume me.
I flipped over and started crawling away from the boiling magma as it began to fill the chamber. However, there was nothing but solid walls around me, and I was trapped. I heard a laugh somewhere in my head, and something impossible began to happen. The magma lifted from the floor and began to float in the air, as if being controlled by some psychic force. The magma began to expand and stretch to become large hands of bubbling liquid, and they clenched in the air. Suddenly, they rushed towards me with their fiery power. I raised my arm to protect myself.
Yet they didn’t impact. I opened my eyes to see myself sitting upright in my hotel room with my arm across my face. I lowered my arm and saw that it was only a dream. As I got up and looked out the window, I thought more on what I had seen in my dream. It seemed to be too real to have just been my imagination. I had had many dreams in my lifetime and only a few had ever affected me like this.
Deep in thought, I looked at the sky. It was dawn, but the sun would not be seen until about eleven o’clock because of the height of the volcano. The slopes of the crater were covered in thick jungle. It was amazing that trees had found a way to survive on the slopes inside this volcano with limited light and water, but somehow they did it and flourished. I then looked down on the small city of Sootopolis. It looked different then I remembered, mostly because in fifteen years technology had increased drastically. Some of the older houses had been replaced by newer stone houses and the water level had increased slightly. The old dirt pathways had been replaced with a cobblestone sidewalk, and the entire place looked more modern rather than the old village it used to be. I stretched, taking in a huge breath as I did, and then I headed downstairs for breakfast.
The breakfast at Pokecenters were always vegetarian, and were also very simple. Although I would have rather had some bacon and eggs for my meal, I settled on a bowl of cereal and a piece of toast instead. The cereal was some Hoenn brand that I had never heard of before and it was a little tangy. A Chansey came up to me as I was eating and handed me a tray that had my belt and pokeballs on it. She held out a medical release sheet which I signed quickly, and then she went on her way. What great service, I thought as I strapped my belt back around my waist.
When breakfast was over I began to head to my destination. Before I left, I stopped at the front desk to drop off my key. The same nurse that gave me my room was sitting at the desk. She had her hair combed and make-up on, and she looked much happier. I handed her my room key.
"Did you enjoy your stay here at the Sootopolis Pokemon Center?" she asked with a smile on her face. She sounded a little more sincere, but I thought that she was still faking it.
"Very much so," I replied in a happy tone so that she wouldn’t feel awkward. "Were my pokemon any hassle for you? I hope they weren't any trouble."
"Actually,” she said, “Now that you mention that, your Gardevoir was a little jumpy this morning, but it was nothing serious." I smiled and said goodbye, but something about Gardevoir’s behavior bothered me. As I was leaving I looked past the nurse and into the back room. I saw two Chanseys sitting in medical beds with blank, stupid looks on their faces. Large red burns were all over their bodies. I had seen those burns before and I knew that they weren’t caused by a fire pokemon, but rather from a psychic one. Right then I knew that Gardevoir's little struggle must have been major mayhem for the medical staff.
I soon began to question the motives for Gardevoir’s seemingly unprovoked attack on the doctors and nurses in the hospital. She was almost always passive. The only time she had ever been this anxious had been a day when I was almost tackled by a Rhyhorn. Something was coming up, and I knew it had something to do with Archie’s friend that I would find in Sootopolis.
The card that Archie gave me said 307 Golduck Lane. As I was trying to find it among the stairs and roads that were Sootopolis, I wondered why anyone would have wanted to live here in the first place, because the entire city was built on a slope and one false foot placement could send you falling down a flight of steep stairs. Nevertheless, I trudged on, hoping that I would find the address soon.
After climbing a few stairs I fortunately found Golduck Lane, and after some confusion found house 307. It was a new model, made of very nice stone with two pillars holding the front of the house up. There were large windows on the front, and I wondered how often a Swellow would smack into one of those. I chuckled at the thought of sitting at dinner and then hearing a large smack on the window.
I knocked on the wooden door and heard footsteps behind rushing quickly. When it opened I was face to face with a tall woman with black hair and a blue suit that slightly resembled Archie’s, having the large letter “A” on it. She looked like a Swellow herself with a sharp looking face. She reminded me of the teachers that you would seen in old movies; tall, ugly, and strict. I almost laughed at her appearance, but luckily I was able to hold it in.
"Darren Diamond, I presume?" she asked in a very proper but cold voice.
"That would be me," I said mimicking her proper style of voice. I was in a joking mood, but she didn’t seem to share my feelings. Her eyes narrowed at me and she scowled. She was not like the nurse at the hospital and had no problem with letting me know that she was annoyed.
“I wasn’t expecting you this early,” she said, dropping her hands to her sides, “I need to change before we head down to the cave. Please come in.” I entered the house and saw that it was just as elegant on the inside as it was on the outside. A large glass chandelier hung from the ceiling in the entryway and cast prismatic rainbows on the walls all around. The walls were completely blue, and the feeling of the house was like I had just stepped into the ocean.
“Wait here!” she said and she walked into a different room and out of sight. I obeyed and I sat down on a small bench that was by the door. I was still in awe at the immensity of the house. I looked through the door that the Swellow woman went through and saw an enormous mural on a wall. I got up and walked towards it, while minding my manners and stayed in the lobby. It was a large picture that must have taken a year to have painted, with hundreds of water pokemon all around. In the very center of the mural was a large whale-like pokemon that seemed to have red engravings on it. The pokemon looked familiar, but before I could examine it closer the Swellow woman came out of her room.
She had changed out of her blue uniform with the “A” on it and was now dressed in an orange suit that had a cryptic “M” on it. It was made of a thick material that I couldn’t recognize, and I thought to myself how strange this lady was. She quickly pushed past me and ordered me to follow.
"Wait! What's the hurry?" I asked her. She stopped and turned to me. I could sense that she was nervous about something, and I was determined to find out what it was.
"I, um, I'm just scared of the dark, that’s all." she replied. Her eyes shifted and there was a slight hint of a crack in her voice. It was so easy to see that she was lying. I hated being lied to, and I was going to get to the bottom of why she was. I tried to imagine what could be so important about a dormant pokemon in a cave in this town that required her to lie to me, but to no avail. I decided that I would just follow her and learn for myself what was going to happen.
We walked up the treacherous stairs for about five minutes. At the very top there was a large, circular entrance to a cave. It seemed that the entrance was man-made, more like a crypt than a cave. A man wearing a similar orange suit was standing guard over the entrance. The woman I was with marched up to him and said, “We are here, now let us in.” The man, obviously not wanting to cause any contention with this woman, stepped aside.
There was a plastic covering on the entrance to the cave. The woman I was with picked up the plastic and lifted it up for me to crawl under it. She soon followed afterward.
The cave was darker than I imagined. I pulled out my keychain and turned on a small electric light that I had attached to it. Looking up, I could see thousands of Zubat clinging onto the ceiling of the cavern. Every once in a while I'd see a Golbat fluttering around the Zubat; they were painfully obvious to point out. The woman I was with touched a few buttons on her watch and it began to glow and lit up the entire cave. It was one of the newer versions of a P.D.A, but I preferred to stick with the older technologies. We began to descend into the cavern. It was like a gigantic spiral staircase, going down and down. We reached a large steel door at the bottom, and I was confused. A door in a cave? I thought. The lady opened it with a great struggle and told me to step inside.
At first I was taken aback. I had an attack of Déjà vu as I saw the room that I had entered. It was exactly like the one in my dream, but it much greater detail. It was well lit with fluorescent lights that had been drilled into the ceiling of the cave. Another thing I noticed was a group of people were in the room, all dressed in orange. They looked up as I came in, but then turned back to their work. They seemed to be working on a large boulder about the size of a house in the middle of the room. There was one big difference between this cavern and my dream, however, and that was that I could see no magma.
Suddenly I heard the steel door slam behind me. I turned and tried to open it, but it was stuck fast. Two can play at this game, I thought as I felt for a certain pokeball on my belt. Throwing it into the air, I called my Tyranitar out and she gave a loud roar. The people over by the rock covered their ears.
I said, “Tear down thi-" but I was cut off. I felt my left pant pocket get really heavy. I reached for it and pulled out the Red Orb that Archie had given me just yesterday. It was being pulled towards the center of the room as if by some magnetic force. I held it back with all of my strength. All of a sudden, the pulling stopped. I sighed in relief. I thought I was safe, but all of sudden the strange orb began to glow very brightly and a red ray shot throughout the room. The people in red that were working on the rock started to panic and run towards me waving their hands. The ground started shaking and boulders began to fall from the ceiling. The lights that were on the ceiling immediately went out and the entire cavern was bathed in darkness.
I could hear the other people screaming, but I couldn’t see them. The boulders that fell from the ceiling fell down and crashed into the floor, breaking it open to reveal a river of molten lava. The only light came from the magma, and I could barely make out the figures of the people trying to escape. All of sudden, they were bathed in light.
Then, I looked towards the center of the room where the light was coming from. It appeared to be coming from the large rock. Two holes had appeared at the top and were shooting out beams of red light. I gasped as I realized that those two holes were eyes. Eyes of the legendary beast Groudon.
Felix Feral Fezirix
14th November 2005, 1:48 AM
All you who are reading this, I proofread that! That's right! Nyahaha-*Is knocked out by a falling Ditto Pika and a falling normal Pika*
;025; *Kicks Ditto Pika out of post* Hey, since when did Team Aqua people diguise as Team Magma people!? Oh well, never mind. I have a feeling of deja vu too. Darren takes the rap when he releases a legendary creature that squishes all. lol. Ookay, That's all for today! Pika disappears. *he really disappears*
14th November 2005, 6:03 AM
I thought I'd implore a bit of Aqua craftiness in this last chapter. If you think about what is coming up, for those of you who read the last chapter, you can see why Team Aqua would want to eliminate the people that would try to stop them. Also, it gets another threat out of their way, Darren Diamond. I thought that it would be cool for Aqua to seem like they were not quite as dumb as they are usually portrayed. If there are any more questions, concerns, reviews, or cookies(mmm, cookies) then post them here and I'll try to help answer them.
14th November 2005, 8:11 PM
That was another great chapter. I love the new details into everything. If I had a big, flying pokemon, I would never go on any other modes of transportation ever again. Anyway, the way Team Agua pretending to be Team Magma was really interesting. I look foreword to seeing the next chapter.
27th November 2005, 11:21 PM
Sorry guys for the long wait, but I have had a very VERY busy few weeks. Anyway, the next three weeks are going to be finals, so I might not get around to posting. Anyway I thought I would warn you. This next chapter is going to be PG-13 for violence. Here is the next chapter, Number 4. Enjoy.
Chapter 4: Groudon
The rock in which Groudon was encased began to crack violently. Shards of rock shot in all directions at high speeds. I ducked and covered my head with my arms as pieces of this hardened lava rushed past me. Suddenly pain began to course through my arms as the rock impacted my arms. I did not lower them, but I could tell that I had begun to bleed.
The ground suddenly stopped shaking and there was an odd calm. I dared to look up and gaze at the spectacle that stood in the middle of the room. I could now see the beast in its entirety. A tall creature the size of a house, it looked very much like the dinosaurs in movies that I had seen. Magma seeped up through the ground and formed itself on his body. All of the rock and dirt that was covering him fell off as the magma flowed over its body. When its entire body was enveloped in the magma, Groudon lifted back its head, opened up its arms, and gave an enormous roar that made the ground shake even harder. I looked to my side to see Tyranitar struggling to keep her balance.
Suddenly, the air started to get really hot. The ceiling began to glow with the intensity of noonday sun. Pieces of large rock began to lift from the floor and float in the air, orbiting Groudon. Groudon waved its enormous clawed hands in circles towards the group of people in red suits, and the rocks launched towards them at uncanny speeds. What have I done? I thought as I turned away from the carnage that was only yards away. Yet nothing I could do could stop me from hearing their screams pierce my ears. The time had come for the destruction of the world, and I realized that I was the only one who had a chance to stop it.
I turned to my friend Tyranitar and saw that she had finally regained her balance and was waiting for me to give her orders. Loudly I yelled, “Tyranitar! You need to stop this destruction! Use your hyper beam and send this foul creature to the abyss! Tyranitar’s mouth filled up with the white hot intensity of a hyper beam and then focused it towards the Groudon. The beam hit Groudon squarely on the chest.
However, it did not seem to hurt the beast, but rather Groudon looked very annoyed that something was interrupting his moment of triumph. It focused its eyes on my Tyranitar and the boulders that were floating in the air all rushed forward at her like a swarm of angry bees. With her mighty arms she was able to destroy a few of them, but after a few seconds of relentless attacks it was all she could do to hold them back.
“Hold on Tyranitar! Keep holding them back!” I yelled, but then I saw a mistake in my plan. A large fissure was opening up in the ground, shooting straight for my Tyranitar. “Run Tyranitar!” I yelled, but it was too late. The large crack opened up right under her and she fell in about five feet, and then the fissure began to close. I called her back into her Great Ball before she was completely crushed by the weight of the earth.
I looked up at my foe to see it staring back at me. I could literally feel the anger it possessed for me in the air as I looked into its eyes. It then seemed to me like Groudon was laughing at me and my pathetic attempt to stop it. However, I still had a few tricks of my sleeves before I would throw in the towel.
“Gengar, you’re the only one that can avoid these rocks,” I said as I pulled a small pokeball from my belt. “Go! Punish that legendary demon with your shadow punches!” A burst of light shot out as Gengar exited his pokeball. Groudon seemed confused for a moment at my choice of pokemon, but nonetheless it focused the rocks that were in the air towards my Gengar, but as they reached him, they fell right through his body and continued on before smashing themselves onto the walls around the cavern. Gengar then absorbed his body into his own shadow, and shot towards Groudon unseen, a strategy that had made us champions in the national Pokemon League. It was only a few moments before I could see Gengar punching Groudon all over its body.
Groudon was confused with this little ghost pokemon, but it eventually developed a new strategy. It lifted up its hands and two large globs of magma shaped like Groudon’s hands shot out of the ground. It swung them around his entire body, sweeping to knock Gengar away. I yelled out a warning to Gengar but I was one second too late. A boiling hand of lava struck him down and he flew through the air, knocked out. Gengar hit the ground and rolled, his body twitching with pain. I quickly called him into his pokeball.
Gyarados! I need a water pokemon to finish of this beast! I thought as I pulled another small pokeball off of my belt. When the enormous form of Gyarados was expelled from his pokeball, I yelled, “Do your rain dance, Gyarados! Cool this beast off with a little thunderstorm. Gyarados nodded its gigantic head and began to twist and turn in a thousand different ways. With each twist, small black rain clouds began to form at the top of the cavern. A slow drizzle began to proceed from them, falling lightly upon the legendary beast. Groudon lifted its ugly head when it felt a few drops on its head. It eyed the clouds with disgust and they disappeared without a trace.
“Gyarados, hydro pump!” I yelled. He gathered gallons of water in his mouth and spat two large torrents of water towards Groudon. By the time they reached the beast however, they had lessened in size, but were still enough to knock Groudon backwards a few feet. Groudon’s rage was evident, for its entire frame was shaking, and tons of rocked swarmed around it like a swarm of angry hornets. With one forward motion, all of the rocks flew towards Gyarados. With a cry of defeat, my precious Gyarados fell to the ground, broken and bruised by the tons of rocks.
I was about to call him back when some of the rocks that pierced my Gyarados flew against me and after being hit a few times I realized that my belt had been pulled off and pinned against the far wall of the cavern by the rocks. I turned to Groudon and realized that my fate was entirely in its hands. It looked at me with anger. It had been embarrassed by me and my pokemon, and now it was time for me to be taught an eternal lesson. One of death.
With and earthquake he rendered me helpless as I fell to the ground. I caught myself on the rock just in time to look up at the horrible figure of Groudon looming over me. I knew it was hopeless for me now. Death was inevitable. I saw it lift its magma hands from the earth and hold them above me. They plunged downward. I was about to close my eyes and wait for the inevitable doom which was about to befall me, but I saw a red light shoot from the far wall and form in front of me. It was my beloved Gardevoir.
Her eyes were blue with fury, and an intense blue shield of light was around her. The lava hands glanced off like a rubber ball to a rock. With anger equal to that of a hen guarding her chicks, my beloved Gardevoir fought the Groudon. The selfless love of Gardevoir and the power of her fury were combined into an attack force greater than I had ever seen in all my years of training pokemon. Groudon shrieked in pain, and I saw psychic energy build up around it and crush it. Intense blue psychic energy swarmed around the entire cave, manifesting the true power of Gardevoir. With a loud crash, Groudon fell to the ground and lay there twitching slightly. The magma that had filled the cave just moments before immediately hardened, and the cave was left as it had been before. As soon as the terrible beast was defeated, the light in my sweet Gardevoir’s eyes dimmed, and with a heavy sigh she fell to the ground.
I stood up and ran to my Gardevoir. I picked her up and tried to see if she was alive. I checked for some sign that she might be alive. I could not stand the thought of her leaving me. Then, to my astonishment, her eyes opened ever so slightly and she reached her arm up and touched my face. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched her take her final breath and slip away. The psychic powers that held her body upright left her, and she ceased to be anymore.
At that moment, I was wracked with emotional pain that was almost unbearable. “Why?!?” I screamed at the top of my lungs, echoing throughout the large cavern. “Why?” I repeated to myself quietly. I heard a small groan ahead of me. I looked up to see Groudon struggling and fighting to get up. With a scowl, I reached into my bag and pulled out an Ultra ball, one of a few that I had, and I threw it at him. The ball bounced of his rocky skin of the legendary beast once and then opened up, sucking Groudon inside. With anger I watched as the ball landed on the ground and began to twitch. I realized that, though weak, Groudon was trying everything he could to escape.
After a few agonizing seconds, the Ultra ball stopped twitching and I had captured a Groudon, though not for fame or even for power, but so I could learn to forgive it someday, though I felt it was practically impossible. It had just destroyed one of my most precious friends, and I was not about to forget that. I went to the far wall where my belt lay, no longer pinned down by the rocks that Groudon had used. I called my beloved Gardevoir back into her pokeball and put her in my jacket pocket, closest to my heart. I then walked up to the Ultra ball on the ground, picked it up, and attached it to my belt. This ball seemed to weigh a lot more than any other one I had ever owned before.
Just as I finished I heard the steel door behind me being pried open. I quickly called my Gyarados into her pokeball just before five men in blue suits rushed at me through the door. One, appearing to be the leader, said, “Where is the Groudon?”
“He has been vanquished. He dove under the magma to hide his defeat.” I lied. I didn’t want anyone to know that I had captured him, for I wasn’t the person that wanted fame. Also, I was trying to deal with the loss of my Gardevoir, and I wanted to leave as soon as possible so I could be alone. However, the man seemed to have different ideas than I.
“In that case,” he said, “You are under arrest for the awakening of Groudon and for almost destroying the city of Sootopolis!” the man said and the four other men grabbed me, took off my belt, and handcuffed me. They marched me out of the cave and into the city. Hundreds of people had gathered to see me march out, and I could feel their hatred upon me.
There was a video camera watching me with a reporter standing in front of it. I heard words such as “Groudon” and “evil man,” but I just closed my eyes as the men loaded me on a helicopter that was waiting outside the cave. I closed my eyes and brought my hands, cuffs and all, up to my eyes. As the helicopter lifted of the ground, I wept once again for the loss of my friend.
“Gardevoir,” I whispered to myself as I watched the ground fall away from me. “Why?”
Felix Feral Fezirix
28th November 2005, 2:42 AM
A few mistakes here and there, but I'm very lazy currently. Hehehe.
Nice chappie, those Aqua people ae really evil. Magma has gotten dumber. lol.
*Yawn* Damn I'm tired, I need my sleep now. I've been up since midnight. Yawn. Heh.
29th November 2005, 12:59 AM
Another great chapter. The detail was wonderful, once again. The battle was even better than the first time. I still felt sad when Gardevoir gave up her life to save Darren's life. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
29th November 2005, 4:35 PM
I never read your original fic, but am including this as part of my reviewing spree over the enxt few days. While I understand your character's seemingly rushed introduction of his own pokemon, I did not understand why Darren would so easily take up the "salesman" on his plea, even after you describe your character being suspicious of him. Is the mere evoking of a friend's name enough to make someone accede immediately? SOmething to think about right there.
ABout Tyranitar's evolution, is "steroids" the right word to use right there? I would say hormones, but steroids implies that they were artificially induced in the pokemon.
Other than that, a few niggling errors which I will not mention, and leave it up to your initiatieve to correct them, I found the fiction very compact, and your description is pretty good. You do not dwell too long on any point, and that can be a good thing in any fic, as some people do get too caught up tor ealise that the point has overstayed its welcome. Good work here.
29th November 2005, 10:25 PM
This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Mr.Diamond. D*** it people he saves yer f****** a**es and you arrest him! Here are some errors-
My named Archie Mizu, at your service.
My name is Archie Mizu.
"Hold on Tyranitar! Keep holding them back"
Forgot a period.
Sootopolis. No A's.
Sorry, I'm feeling picky today. :)
Overall, this is awesome-ness! Keep going!!!
13th January 2006, 6:19 AM
Here we are, chapter five. Thank Felix for making me put this up. I should update Gardevoir over the weekend. Have a great day.
Chapter 5: Cataclysm
It had been two hours. I hadn’t moved from my former position with my handcuffed hands on my face. Four of the men who arrested me pretended to ignore me, sitting in their seats and looking over their blue uniforms. However, their leader constantly tried to get a conversation between us to take wing. In a seemingly careless voice, he asked, “So, where do you live?”
“Blackthorn,” I said in a quiet voice. He had been asking me questions like this ever since we got into the helicopter, and I had been giving him one word answers every time. My mind could not focus on anything except for Gardevoir, and the loss was nearly unbearable. But there she sat in my pocket close to my heart. I gently lowered a hand and touched that spot on my jacket.
After about half an hour more, the man gave up talking to me and went to speak with the pilot. I looked up and saw one of the thugs carrying my pokeballs, and he was healing them with a large contraption that was on the wall of the helicopter, which looked sort of like a vending machine.
With a sigh I turned to the window and looked out. I felt the breath leave me as I saw that something was terribly, terribly wrong. We were still in the middle of the ocean, but given the time that we had been flying, we should at least been over the land by now. And according to the sun, we were heading south, not north-west. Anger welled up inside me, and I realized that was through with silly ideas of investigation. I wanted answers now.
The leader came back from the cockpit and told me, “5 minutes to Lilycove. I looked up at him with a look that could kill. The mixed emotions of my sudden loss only an hour before and the anger of being lied to came out all at once.
“Don’t give me that crap; I know we aren’t going to Lilycove!” I snapped back. My anger boiled up inside me, and I was ready to jump up and strangle him with my handcuffs. I could picture his worthless frame grasping his neck, tongue hanging out, trying to beg for mercy. Yet I was forced bat to reality when I saw him smile at me instead.
“Well done,” he said to me. “You are correct, we are not going to Lilycove, but I wasn’t lying that we are about to land.”
“Where are we going to land, we’re in the middle of the ocean?” I asked, not out of anger, but out of curiosity. For some reason the madness subsided, and I began to think clearly again. Questioning does that for me; enhances reasons and sharpens focus.
“Look out your window and see for yourself,” he said with a smirk. I quickly turned to look out the window. At first all I could see was ocean, but as the helicopter descended I saw a large platform with a building on it. As we descended I saw that it was an old oil rig which had been remodeled into some sort of luxurious hotel. With a small thump we landed on a helicopter pad on the roof of the hotel.
One of the four men came up to me and unlocked my handcuffs. “You no longer need these,” he said, and he cast them to the ground. They escorted me out of the helicopter into a small entrance that lead to an elevator. We filed into it and the leader pushed a button that took us to the lobby.
Slowly it descended. It was an old fashioned elevator with an arrow pointing to the floor number rather than a digital projection. I turned and viewed my captors. They seemed relieved for some reason. I couldn’t tell for certain, but it seemed as if they thought something exciting was going to happen.
With the small chime of an electric bell, the doors opened I found that we were in a large ballroom filled with people, many who were in elegant blue dresses or tuxedos. There were some people who did not seem to be a part of this elaborate blue club. In the center of the room, there was a large statue of a water pokemon. I had never seen it before, but it seemed to be flying through the water and have some of the same patterns on it as my Groudon did. It reminded me of some legendary whale I had seen pictures of long ago, but I shrugged it off, these people were a crazy pokemon cult, I was sure of it.
A waiter came to us and took us to a table. He said, “There have been quite a few people wearing blue tonight. Is it a special club or is it the latest fashion?”
The leader of our small group said, “It’s a special club. We are dedicated to the preservation and saving of water pokemon.” After he said that I swear he looked at me with a slight smirk on his face, but alas I will never know.
The waiter nodded, and then took our orders. Because I was still a little angry, I decided I’d be as ornery to my captors as possible, so not only did I order the most expensive thing on the menu, but I also made sure it was a water pokemon. When he arrived with my steamed Corphish, I was very excited. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning, so I gobbled it up, parsley and all. My captors watched me eat, barely touching their own meals. I could tell they were mad as well, but I didn’t care on bit because I wanted them to be mad at me. Maybe then they would let me go.
All of a sudden there was a hush throughout the crowd. A few of the non-blue people were confused, but held there peace. Quickly everybody sat down at the numerous tables all around. I turned to the stage that was in the ballroom and saw a man walking on. I immediately recognized him as Archie Mizu, the man that had tricked me into fighting Groudon. He was carrying a metal box, and I could hear something hard and round inside, clunking with every step he took. He reached at the podium and began speaking with a smile on his face.
“Hello, to all my personal friends and to the people who are joining us tonight,” he said into the microphone, and I swore he looked right at me, “Tonight we celebrate the return of the most powerful pokemon in the entire world.
“Many millennia ago, there was a cataclysmic battle between the pokemon of the land, and the pokemon of the sea. Of course all we know about this incident are merely legends and folk tales passed on from generation to generation. But from what we can assume, after many years of terror, the land pokemon of the land reincarnated the spirit of the earth into a living, breathing pokemon, with all control of the ground and magma. It created large mountains and landmasses with sheer thought. The pokemon of that era named the creature Groudon.
“With it, the pokemon of the land began to defeat all pokemon of the sea. In one final ditch effort, the pokemon of the sea reincarnated the spirit of the ocean in the same manner that Groudon had been created. This pokemon gathered the waters together and with force of unparalleled magnitude, it carved great oceans from the rock itself. In less than a year these pokemon had made enormous continents and oceans that the only way for more was to challenge the other to an epic dual.
“For years the two pokemon fought, and the sun and the rain were pulled in to join. This battling would have brought the entire world to complete destruction, but the pokemon of the land and the sea saw their great mistake. Together, they forged two orbs, one of ruby and one of sapphire from the very rock that Groudon and the water pokemon were created from, and enchanted them with ancient power. They presented the two orbs to the legendary pokemon as they were locked in combat, and they were both calmed. Their spirits left them and entered into the orbs. The two legends became the very rock that they were created from, and were stored away from the world by the pokemon of the land and the sea.” He finished his epic story with a pause, and looked out over the people. The people in the blue attire suddenly stood up and gave a thunderous applause, while the other people just looked at each other out of confusion, some clapping along with the crowd.
As the applause subsided there came a slight tapping noise from the back of the room, as if something were scratching hard on metal. All of a sudden, there was an explosion from where the scratching was taking place. A gaping hole appeared there, and hoards of people in red suits began poring through. One, bigger and stronger looking than the rest, yelled out, “Archie, your time here is over!” The man looked like the person that you would obey out of fear, with large muscles just rippling over his body.
“You betrayed and murdered my men like dogs!” the man in red yelled across towards Archie. “And I, Maxie Seika, swear upon my parent’s grave that you shall not get away with such a sin!”
Archie smirked, “What are you going to do about it?” Their eyes locked; the large red suited man in fury, and Archie in pleasure. “I have this!” And with his hands he ripped off the cover of the metal box which he was holding to reveal a glowing blue orb. I heard screams from the people that were there, but the blue suited people smiled as they looked up towards the incredible statue of the water pokemon. The blue light rested upon it and its eyes began to glow. “Behold! The legendary Kyogre is alive!”
The large statue began to move. There was a loud grinding sound as rock moved upon rock, so loud that I put my hands over my ears. The rock began absorbing more of the blue light and started to change color with it. Soon there was a living blue pokemon lying on the ballroom floor, seemingly weak.
The Kyogre twisted its body and began hovered in midair. It looked downward and two holes broke through the floor. Very quickly, water rushed in. This seemed to rejuvenate the Kyogre, and with an earth shattering roar it dove into the floor and broke it open. Archie had a crazed look on his face, like the child that gets a rifle for a birthday present.
Something had to be done fast. I only knew of one pokemon that had the slightest chance and defeating this monster. However, the fat ugly guy who was holding my pokeballs was on the other side of the room with his friends, all looking into the hole that Kyogre had made. With not much time to think, I did the first thing that came to my mind.
I began to sprint towards the four men that were gazing into the gap. The fat one was holding my belt to the side, but not very tightly. It would be his mistake. I stopped running and crept up behind them. Then, I quickly lipped my belt right out of his hands. The fat man turned just in time to see my foot catch him in the chest, and he went careening over the edge of the opening, screaming bloody murder.
The others quickly reached to their own belts for pokemon to fight me, but I was already gone. I sprinted for the doorway, hoping that it would lead outside to the oil rig platforms. There was a sliding glass door, and I could hear footsteps chasing me. The second that I had made it through, the power in the entire place went out and the doors snapped shut behind me. I almost laughed when I heard one of the blue thugs smack into the glass. I looked around and saw an exit sign, luckily powered with batteries, and I ran to it and exited thence.
The rain caught me unaware. I slipped to the ground and was pelted by the large drops which were falling at an enormous rate. It seemed I was in a hurricane; winds blowing so hard I was amazed that I could keep my balance. I struggled across the deck of the rig and looked out over the ocean. Through the torrents of rain I was able to see massive waves everywhere. The rig that I stood on seemed to rock back and forth, which was very bad because it was meant to be anchored to the bedrock.
I had no time to lose. I reached my belt and pulled off the ultra ball that contained Groudon. I threw it on the deck, amazed that the wind did not blow it away. The ball bounced twice and then opened, releasing a white beam of energy which took the shape of the enormous house-sized form of Groudon. It looked at the rain and grimaced. It lifted up its clawed hands and started making rotations with them. I looked upwards to see the clouds miles above open up, and the sun poured through. The beam of light rested upon Groudon and it looked as if he was gazing into heaven.
The ray of light grew bigger and hotter. It covered about one hundred meters on each side of the rig. My Groudon looked up and saw that it could not extend its light beyond a certain point. This angered it. It let out a roar that began shaking the oil rig violently.
“Groudon! Keep it focused!” I yelled. “We need to end this cataclysm before it begins. Call to Kyogre and make him fight you. You can win this! You have me!” It turned to me and looked me up and down. It was then it realized that I was a trainer worthy enough to command him. It let out an enormous roar, and a towering column of magma shot up from the ocean floor, just right of the platform. Groudon jumped into the air higher than I thought was possible, leaving two large indents in the floor of the rig, and it landed right in the middle of the lava. More and more magma came up and hardened. In less than fifteen seconds, Groudon had created an island. I looked towards the top of an enormous mountain that was on it and saw a speck of red which was Groudon.
My plan was in place. I heard Groudon emit an enormous roar that literally shook the earth. Magma swarmed around him, and it seemed to me that he was saying, ‘Bring it on!’ A gigantic tidal wave shot towards the island like a knife and took out a large portion of the island with a thundering crash. However, more magma bubbled up and replaced it just as quickly as it disappeared. I knew Groudon could hold its own for a while, so I rushed back inside to complete the last half of my plan. Archie had mistakenly told me how to beat these creatures, and I was going to make sure that I did.
I stepped inside the building and saw that a war had broken out between the reds and the blues. It paralleled the war that was going on outside. There were pokemon batting everywhere. Red versus blue. There were water and land pokemon engaged in combat. I saw the leader of the red team and Archie fighting on a stage. Two Mightyena were fighting to the death, biting and clawing each other ferociously.
While there were fighting and taunting each other, I jumped up onto the stage and grabbed the box that Archie had carried the blue orb in, but as I looked inside, it was no longer there. I looked around and saw it rolling away, still on the stage. I dove for it and barely grabbed it with the end of my fingertips. I gathered the orb into my hand and began to run outside. I reached to my left jacket pocket because I felt something hard there, but it was not the orb. It was Gardevoir’s pokeball. Yet, sadness didn’t come to me as I touched it, but rather joy and happiness did. It was almost as if she were there with me. But now, I had a mission to take care of. I found the orb in a different pocket and held them together in both hands.
However, as I was running, an earthquake hit, and shook everyone to the ground. I looked up and saw the building above the ballroom twist, and then rip from its foundation. The wind carried it off, and the battle between Groudon and Kyogre was fully visible to all. Many of the innocent people screamed as they realized that the story that they had been told by Archie was coming true.
I stood up, but checked my hands to realize that I only had the blue orb. The red one was rolling away. I rushed towards it, but a wave came over the deck and washed a ton of debris in front of me. Miraculously, the wave didn’t even touch me. I looked over the deck and saw Groudon and Kyogre both rearing up at each other, and I realized that soon they would hit each other with enough force to send a shock wave that would destroy the entire building. I saw one only one option.
With the skills of a pokemon trainer that I had gathered over the years, I threw the blue orb as accurately as I could. It bounced and then rolled next to the red orb. Once they touched, they both began to glow. The orbs rose into the air together and orbited around each other. The two legends stopped their fight and gazed at the orbs as if bound in a trance. Then, with one bright light, the orbs sucked in the life force from Groudon and Kyogre. With one last groan, my Groudon curled up into a ball and sunk into the island it had made. The Kyogre also turned back into rock and sunk into the ocean.
The two orbs, with their energy inside, stopped glowing and fell back onto the deck where I was. I collected them and put them into my pockets. I turned around, and I heard a thunderous applause. All of the people, excluding Maxie and Archie, were cheering. I had saved everyone from doom, and I was a hero.
I looked through the mists on the top of Mt. Pyre. Maxie and Archie had told me this is where I was supposed to return the orbs. I walked and saw two elderly people. Silently, I walked up to them and returned both of the orbs, so that they could stand next to each other for eternity. They seemed to understand, and no words were exchanged between us.
Five minutes later, I arrived at a funeral plot that I had purchased for my beloved Gardevoir. I let her out of her pokeball and beheld her lifeless form once again. The tears came back to me. I released all of my pokemon from their balls so that they could behold the funeral of their friend. I placed my friend in the grave and threw in a handful Gengar put in a small handful, Gyarados pushed some in with his jaw, and Tyranitar closed it with a gentle push. I placed Gardevoir’s pokeball on the headstone and read the inscription. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. I called my pokemon into their balls, and descended the mountain.
Thanks. Please review.
Felix Feral Fezirix
13th January 2006, 7:28 AM
Uhhh... One mistake to nitpick...I think it was a comma somewhere, but I forgot.
Anyway, the end seems rushed, since the rest hadn't had their go at putting in flowers. Go figure.
That's all for today!
14th January 2006, 11:22 PM
This chapter had some great detail. I could picture everything perfectly. I felt so sad for Darren towards the end with the funeral scene. At least everyone got a chance to say goodbye to her. I thought that this chapter was great and I'm looking foreword to reading the next one.
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