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View Full Version : Quest to become a Dragon Trainer; Angel vs Team Magma!?



Yami Ryu
1st November 2005, 6:24 PM
Alright, decided to finally post my serious fic, as I'm tired of the dragon trainer fics where newbies to the pokemon worled start automatically/right off the bat with a Bagon, Larvitar or Dratini. Or some uuber powered Magikarp.

Even a fic I read about Lance becoming a Dragon Master, didn't have him have Dratini from the start, he found it around 10 chapters into the story.

So yeah. If you are offended by my little rant, please flame. I need reviewers :D

Also; Team Rocket does not appear in this fic. The Gym Leaders are different. Team Magma appears in this fic, as the title MIGHT SUGGEST. And the rating might smidge up higher for scenes of violence, with or without the reason it's rated PG-13 now. It is also set in Kanto. And I cry when I'll have Caim evolve, ;; cause then what will Angel pwn stuff with then? .. You'll see what I mean about that...

Rating: PG-13
For Violence Using a Fish Pkmn





Chapter One
Magikarp vs Mightyena




“This is the way we train the ‘karp, train the ‘karp, this is the way we train the ‘Karp as it knows nothing,” Angel muttered to herself as she held the large light orange and grey finned pokemon at the base of the tail and swung the hapless fish. A yelp of pain escaped into the air, but it wasn't from the Magikarp that just blinked it's blank eyes, letting out a monotone ‘Magi?’ as a Geodude tumbled across the graveled surface of the cave floor and only came a stop when it rolled into a pile of sand a ways off from Angel.

Snorting, Angel let her left hand fall away from helping hold the Magikarp like a bat and rested it against her hip. “Pathetic. Even without a water attack, this thing still is better than half the pokemon here.” Grumbled the auburn haired, grey eyed teenager as she glared about the cavern.

“Char. Charmeleon char.” Hades said from Angels’ side.

Glancing down at the blood red pokemon, Angel sighed, “No Hades, we are not going catch one of these weaklings. You do not have to worry about having a pathetic partner.”

“Meleo mel char.”

Angel growled and glared at Hades before focusing her attention on Caim and finally held him the right way, and not like a blunt object to bludgeon things to death with. “Caim is not weak. He's defeated a trainer, several Geodudes and some Zubats. Does this look like something weak?” Angel almost cooed out, and scratched Caim on the head.

“Magikarp, Magikarp. Karp magikarp.” Was all she recived and Hades snickered and said something equivalent to ‘No but he is stupid’, only the remark got Hades a crack upside the head, but he was used to the pops by now, they weren't painfull, and it showed his trainer wasn't weak or afraid of his kind like the other trainers were.

Muttering to herself about mostly non important things, Angel brushed a reddish-brown strand of hair out of her eyes while tapping a shoe protected foot lightly against the cave floor. With her free hand Angel pulled the map out of a pocket, and snapped it open. “Lets see...” Angel grumbled as she skimmed over it. “If we continue this way... go down next the tunnel we come across, and take it all the way to the end.. we'll be out of here by nightfall. Or daybreak. Whichever is about to happen in a few hours.”

“Char.”

“Oh stop complaining. The longer we're here, the more you get to stay out.” Angel snapped out at the dry remark from the Charmeleon, as she stuffed the map back into her pocket with out a hint of grace or care about the whole process.

After placing the map back into her pocket, and made sure the lump of paper was going to stay, or rather more of a scroll, but it was the same thing to Angel, she started walking forwards, Hades by her side. Both (Magikarp really aren't smart enough usually to be included most of the time in a ‘group’) ignored the chittering of Zubat's as the bat pokemon wisely avoided the light. They might not be able to see it, but the warmth was enough to warn them away.

Lost in their own thoughts, they continued on, and it seemed they'd have an uneventfull trip through the rest of the moutain.

But then again, things don't always go as planned.

“Arg! Halt! I can't let you pass!” A masculine voice yelled out from the darkness, before the patter of footsteps against stone filled the air. Angel quirked an eyebrow and paused, turning a bit to the left, the way the sound was, and the yell had come from. For a moment, nothing came out of the darkness.

Then a red booted foot appeared in the ringlet of light cast by Charmeleon's tail, followed by another booted foot, and Angel raised her gaze a bit. And then a bit more, and whistled slightly, he might look a bit dorky in the get up the man was in, red shorts, a black under shirt and a red jacket, and it seemed a red/black hat over his head with one of the old symbols for Earth on it. But Angel admited he was a looker.

She just got the feeling that beneath those baby blues and blonde hair, he was going to bring a surprise she didn't want. Especially with that shout he had seemingly done.

“I can't let you pass, Team Magma have already taken over Mt Moon, and it'd be best to turn back, before you're forced!”

Angel hated when those feelings were right, and sighed lightly before regaining her composure. “This isn't owned property, and it's a bit early for halloween, isn't it? Why don't you and your friends go play dress up somewhere else.” Angel snapped out with a toss of her hand, motioning for him to leave her presence now.

Evidently this man in a get up she would normally have laughed at, didn't understand the simple motion or her words. As Angel basically dismissed him as an annoyance and not a threat, by turning around and heading for the tunnel again, the ‘Magma Grunt’ grabbed a pokeball and with a flick of his wrist to send it forward, released a medium sized, black and grey furred pokemon to the world.

The wolf like pokemon was around three and a half feet high at the head, and around a foot longer with the bristle like coal colored tail swishing back and forth slightly, as if the owner was joyed to be let loose upon the world. Twin dusky grey ears pricked up while the blood red eyes narrowed as a light growl started to rumble the pokemon's chest.

Thick, coarse black fur sprang up fron the back of the pokemon's neck, all the way down it's back to the base of the tail, and hung over it's sides almost like a fur coat some human would wear, and unlike the grey fur covering most of the rest of it's body, this fur gave it protection from attacks to it's back and neck. The three clawed paws were socked in black fur, like it's back, and the grey chest continued to vibrate slightly as the rumbled growl from the Mightyena got louder.

Angel blinked as Hades suddenly snorted, and let out a loud bark of ‘Meleon!’, whirling around so fast his tail flame sputtered for a few seconds then flared back to life once more, almost burning the shadows away from himself and Angel that had tried to overcome them when his tailflame had dimmed. “Charmeleon!” He yelled again, and Angel looked over her shoulder, wondering what had gotten into Hades, only to see she'd looked just in time to see a large grey and black form slam into Hades, sending him flying backwards with a pained cry.

“Hades!” Exclaimed Angel as she started to move towards the fallen, and seemingly knocked out fire type, to check Hades and make sure he was alright. But the trainer was blocked from doing this by the ‘Magma Grunt’ releasing his second pokemon, a Zubat, into the air before Angel.

The auburn haired teen let out a slight shriek from startlement and flailed with her Magikarp, scoring a direct hit upon the bat, as it had not been expecting that, and it happened so fast it's ecolocation abilities hadn't picked up the movement.

The Zubat let out a sharp pitched cry as the orange fish pokemon thunked into it's body soundly. The Magikarp let out a confused ‘Magi?’ at the sudden motion, but it was already too late for the Zubat. The cerulean skinned creature went tumbling through the air much as its wild counter parts had, and slammed harshly into a stone wall a few feet from where Angel's own pokemon had landed in a heap.

The bat pokemon hung almost cartoon-like against the wall before slowly peeling away and dropped like a stone to the floor in a twitching, knocked out lump of pokemon.

Angel's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly, showing off the first hint of agression she was feeling as the teenager slowly turned to her left, where the wolf pokemon that had assaulted her Charmeleon stood. The Mightyena looked at its fallen partner, then back up at this human, and its tail tucked between its rear legs.

But Angel did not care about that as she ducked her head slightly, reddish brown bangs casting her eyes under shadow and the Mightyena took a step back as if the dark type was suddenly afraid of this human.

The wolf pokemons' ears went flat against his skull and he started to whine, and Mandy the still nameless grunt to Angel, had finally caught on to something being wrong here. “What did you do to my Zubat... and why are you holding that Magikarp like a bludgeon?”

Angel didn't reply to the idiot, as she now dubbed him. Just shifted her stance, raised the fish, and with an almighty yell of rage; swung the orange fish and caught the Mightyena upside the head! The wolf pokemon yelped like a kicked puppy as he was nearly sent airborn from the hit, and never saw the Magikarp be shifted and land another ‘Tackle’ to the underside of his jaw, sending the dark type head over heels nearly and onto the floor.

The Mightyena whimpered loudly in pain and did not move from where he'd fallen, knowing he was beaten by this mad, insane trainer that held a Magikarp in such a way.

“Hey now! You can't abuse pokemon like that!” Mandy exclaimed, causing Angel to turn towards him. She stared at him coldly for a moment then started to advance towards the Magma Grunt. Mandy's eyes went wide and he stumbled back, suddenly hit with the reality that she wasn't going to listen to him. But it was too late, even if he had run, he wouldn't get very far.

With a yelp, Mandy tripped over a rock and fell outside the weak circle of light provided by the fallen Charmeleon. Angel took this opportunity much like a predator would; all but taking a running leap towards Mandy, bearing down with the Magikarp.

For a second there was just silence.

Then a horrible sound of near bone hard scale striking flesh and a pained cry of ‘mercy’ that went unheard of by what beat at him soundly with the fish. For what seemed like an eternity, Mandy was struck with the fish pokemon untill he was a whimpering puddle of magma grunt, and finally Angel relented; Leaving the man a mewling, pained form on the ground.

Quickly hurrying back into the light, and towards her pokemon (and also ignoring the fact that she'd just beaten the crap out of two pokemon and a human), Angel kneeled down by her first pokemon, tentively resting a hand on the Charmeleon's side. Her eyes narrowed slightly, she could feel the labored breathing with the hand, and hear it as the breath rasped in and out of the slightly open mouth.

“Oh Hades,” Angel whispered as she drew her hand away from the fire lizard's side and pulled a pokeball off of her belt, double pressing the button on the red and white sphere before carefully tapping it onto the Charmeleon, withdrawing him into the stasis of the pokeball. He wouldn't become more injured in there, thankfully.

Gulping slightly, as the cave had been sent into darkness now with her Charmeleon out of comission, Angel kept a firm grip on Caim's tail with her left hand, and started forward, knowing the general direction she must walk in to get to the tunnel, and just hoped she found the right one and did not run into anymore crazy people like that last person had been.




To Be Continued in Chapter Two;
Angel vs Maxie

Tale
1st November 2005, 10:47 PM
First to review! In everyone's face! =d

...

Well! That was fantastic! So far this plot seems really entertaining, I am greatly looking forward to future chapters.
The main character, Angel (I'm at a loss with the name, it sounds so cringey yet I adore it ;_; ) is fantastic! I love her dry humour, and that song at the beginning was amusing XP. I like the fact she has a Magikarp - not only that but I love the fact you didn't actually make it eveolve after thrashing the Pokemon and Magma member (that was hilarious as well by the way XD). I love how she used the Magikarp like some kind of 'bludgeon' as the Magma meber called it; so quirky and funny!

The description, brilliant, perfectly described and I didn't need any more info on what you were trying to describe.
The grammar, for that matter, was excellent as well - well laid out and overall lovely to read (easy to read).

Sorry Ren, but I never do the typo bit, not only am I crap at it but because I only pick out those that stand out - nothing stood out here.

My one and only concern (though it is a picky one) is the language of Pokemon. I dont know, but I feel it will be annoying if the story is full of "Char meleon, char char,"

"What's that, Hades? You want to fight?" *deliberately avoids comedic scenario - though it was tempting to quote Toy Story* *is sad - in the no life way*
o.o yeah. Yeah, so I think that will be annoying/confusing unless you've figured some way to get around it or whatever. Though I don't really mind too much - it isnt that important I was just being picky =P.

So then, I really enjoyed it, as afforementioned, and I believe that this was a strong and intriguing beginning - really hooked me in, it did.

Well done, Ren, can't wait for Chapter Two!

Yami Ryu
2nd November 2005, 8:51 AM
Wah Tale I <3 you so much. ;;

okay, foolishness to teh side XD

For the Bludgeon-Karp scenes; Well you won't have to worry about that part of the story being taken out anytime soon, the earliest I had roughly planned for Caim to evolve is chapter 15, though it might be 20, maybe later. .. I'm scaring people aren't I?


My one and only concern (though it is a picky one) is the language of Pokemon. I dont know, but I feel it will be annoying if the story is full of "Char meleon, char char,"

"What's that, Hades? You want to fight?" *deliberately avoids comedic scenario - though it was tempting to quote Toy Story* *is sad - in the no life way*
o.o yeah. Yeah, so I think that will be annoying/confusing unless you've figured some way to get around it or whatever. Though I don't really mind too much - it isnt that important I was just being picky =P

XD don't worry, I'll explain that in a few chapters, probably around the time Angel fights the Cerulean Gym leader, but I could give a hint if you want one, if you don't want to wait for the chapter it's explained in, that is.

And again, thanks for the review.

Typhlogirl
2nd November 2005, 10:46 AM
Hey, this is interesting! I am a bit of a Team Magma fan, so I was instantly attracted to the title.

While I must agree with Tale about the name Angel (O_o), I really do like the way her character is fleshed out, even in just the first chapter.


“This isn't owned property, and it's a bit early for halloween, isn't it? Why don't you and your friends go play dress up somewhere else.” Angel snapped out with a toss of her hand, motioning for him to leave her presence now.

OMFG, I have been waiting so long for a character in a fic to say that to TM. Thankyou.

Points for the 'Magikarp Bludgeon'. Lovely. Can't really say I like the pokemon talk, though you seem to be on top of it.

All in all, this fic seems to be going somewhere, with a seemingly quick start. So good luck! I'll be reading!

Regards,

-;157;

Yami Ryu
10th November 2005, 2:15 PM
Well, Angel was the first name that came to mind as I was writing this, and thought it'd be a neat thing to use a 'sterorypical name', as most of the characters I've seen dubbed Angel are Mary Sue's, or border it badly, and stick the name onto a character that, well, ain't exactly an angel XD

And glad to know more people like this fic, Angel's character and how she uses Caim 'in battle' XD


Rating: PG-13
For Violence & Swearing





Chapter Two
Angel Vs Maxie


‘How long have I been walking for?’ Angel thought to herself as she struggled to keep from flinching at the sounds of the Zubat that fluttered overhead. So far so good, it seemed, aslong as she kept aware of her surroundings, the wild pokemon seemed unable to catch a weakspot and attack her. Meaning for now, Angel was safe.

‘If only that idiot hadn't attacked Hades, we'd be out of here by now...’

As if sensing her thoughts, Caim weakly ‘Karped’ from her left hand, even if he wasn't really attacking pokemon, he was still getting weary from the near flight feeling he was getting as he was flailed about like some sort of medival weapon against other pokemon. That and he had been out of the water, or damp areas for awhile. And whild Magikarp could survive a damn long time with little moister, using them to bash in the skulls of pokemon (or rather beat them to a bloody pulp) was not what Magikarp were intended for.

Though knowing she was safe and being safe, atleast for now, Angel still was not a happy trainer. Especially as she crashed, seemingly once again into why she did not like caves anymore, and if possible would avoid them forever more. Swearing under her breath, she back tracked quickly, only to end up slamming mercilessly into another stalagmite. Or stalactite. She didn't know which nor cared as she all but doubled over, one arm clutching her middle, while the other, magikarp filled, tried to rub her poor back and lightly bleeding nose.

“This is hell.” Angel grumbled out, only it came out more along the lines of; ‘theff ef heef,’ as the young woman slowly pulled herself upright while tilting her head back and after a few moments of fumbling, pressed her hand against her nose, trying to staunch the bleeding that was occuring, even if slight.

Weary, battered and tired, Angel wished she never had run into that damn Magma whatever, lacky, or something. She hadn't brought any other sources of light because she had assumed Hades would be to high in experience in battling to be knocked out by some Zubat and Geodude. Well, she was half right. It'd been some sort of dog pokemon she'd never seen before that had done it.

Sighing to herself, shoulders dropping from defeat, Angel fumbled about in the darkness for Caim's pokeball to recall him. As if sensing what his trainer was about to do, the large fish started to struggle, letting out ‘Magi’ and ‘Karp’ every few seconds. Another sigh escaping her, Angel once again fumbled to return the pokeball to her belt without dropping it, then made sure Hades' pokeball was still there.

“Alright you silly fish, you can stay out.” The teenager muttered, and it seemed to appease the fish pokemon as he stopped struggling and trying to escape from her hand. “You are a stupid thing. Loyal, but stupid.”

The Magikarp seemed to take her comment as a compliment and started to let out another round of ‘Magi’, which caused Angel to roll her eyes at whatever the `Karp was saying. Or thinking it was saying. She doubted even another Magikarp would understand what Caim was ‘Magi’ abouting, or vice versa, anyways.

Slowly moving forward again, this time, she tried to keep from walking into anything now, even going so far as to let her free hand slide over the cave walls; which wasn't a pleasent experience given the fact there was slime growing on the walls as it wasn't the driest of places. Shuddering, Angel muttered an ‘Ew’ as she forced herself to keep her hand there and not shift it.

And the effort of will power on her part may have kept her from running into anything, but it didn't mean Angel was exactly thrilled about earning a slime and mold covered hand, or god forbid what else could be on the wall.

A bitter ‘Next time, I am bringing a flash light’ escaped Angel as hind-sight showed that this was her fault, not the guy playing dress up. Though Angel marked it off as the romantic part of herself trying to give the guy a second chance.

She wasn't worried about being lost... all the tunnels led out of Mt. Moon, eventually... though Angel wasn't looking forward to the possibility of spending another minute down here, let alone a whole other day. As that thought zipped past, the rock wall at her hand suddenly pulled away, leaving a wide gap of nothingness. Gulping while trying to stiffle the urge to try and backtrack, Angel turned slightly and after a few breath taking moments of shuffling about in the darkness; the trainer found herself in another tunnel. And prayed this one got her out of here faster then a days travel. She didn't know how much longer her body could take the strain it was being forced to take: no sleep in over twenty four hours. Various injuries, slight to minor, and having to flail wildly in the dark with the Magikarp to keep dangerous Zubat's away.

The soft dropping of water from above into small puddles filled the air as Angel continued to step as lightly as she could, not wanting to alarm anything into attacking. Her breathing sounded harsh and ragged in her own ears, and the young woman was fearing her thundering heart could be heard by everything; alerting to the world she was at her weakest. Alone and scared.

“Magikarp.”

Starting, Angel almost dropped the cause of the break in the errie silence. Fumbling and nearly dropping the Magikarp, the auburn haired teenager flinched as the slime was moved from one hand to her other and the Karp. But an interesting thing happened upon that happening, it started to glow faintly, giving a weak outline of her hands and the pokemon she held.

Blinking a few times to make sure she wasn't seeing things, Angel held the Magikarp up and shook him slightly, and the crushed mold and slime mixture seemed to brighten a bit, and didn't dim when she stopped. And Angel shook Caim again and again untill she had a brightly glowing chartruse and dizzy ‘karp.

Shifting the hold she had on him, Angel now took in the surroundings she could see. The light wasn't bright enough to read a map by, but it was enough to see. And as the young trainer turned, she was once again almost startled

Skeletons of pokemon. Long extinct pokemon. Bones littered the floor too, and other various things. Awed slightly, Angel freed a hand from the Magikarp flashlight, wiped it off on her shorts and ignored a disgusted feeling as the slime was stubborn to come off, then reached out with a now less glowy finger. Running it over the nasal ridge of the pokemon's bones that had scared her, she could only imagine what had happened to the flying pokemon before it died.

Wonders upon wonders, she could only guess as she let her hand drop away from the Aerodactyl's remains. She was about to walk away when her eyes spotted what could have been the reason for the creatures death. It almost looked like part of the wall, and she would have guessed it was, if it wasn't for the fact there seemed to be several ridges like it coming from the wall, at the same level. Wait, not several, that was too few. There were hundreds of bumps.

A bit confused, and curious, she crouched down; holding Caim closer to the wall after muttering to him to stop moving, she reached out again, letting questing fingertips brush over the rocky surface. "... holy ****," Angel swore, showing off how startled she was at her discovery. It was one thing to find an Aerodactly, but it was another thing to find something other trainers had over looked! It wasn't uncommon knowledge that fossiles could now be ‘revived’, in fact it was free! ... it's just finding a fossile that was complete was not free, or easy. As museums held contracts over the bones, amber everything. Meaning only the rich; such as Lance, could afford to have them ressurected.

Grinning near evilly, she had stumbled onto something few seemed to know was hear.

Eggs. Aerodactly Eggs. A whole nest site of Aerodactyls.

Giggling as she was filled with giddish delight, Angel set Caim down near her chosen egg and looked around before settling onto using fallen and loose bones to help her escivate the egg the rest of the way.

Seconds burned into minutes, minutes slowly turned into hours, and those inched by into an eternity. And after that, with a final tap-tap of her make shift pick; the fossilised egg came free, and into her hands. Flooded with a sense of victory, Angel almost hugged the egg to her chest, she had done it. She might be sweaty and bloodied; her hands were sore and raw from the work she'd been doing without gloves of any sort. But she had done it.

Near trembling from the rush of excitement that flooded her, the young teenager shifted enough to grab a pokeball from her belt and tap it onto the egg she held. Enveloped in a bright red light, the fossil was pulled into the red and white sphere.

Relaxing a little as she watched the pokeball change ever so slightly, turning into one showing it held an item instead of a pokemon, Angel looked like she was the queen of the earth, from her expression.

Returning the now item-ball to her belt, Angel picked herself up off the cool rock floor, then dusted herself off. Still a bit giddy at her achievement, Angel scooped Caim up, and ignored the weariness her body now held.

‘I just did something no one else probably has... When I battle the elite four, they and Lance will have to accept another Dragon user has arisen!’

Flying high on her dreams, Angel probably would have made it out of the cave and it's maze like tunnels without further incident. But it seemed fate wouldn't have that, as it seemed, barely five minutes into her walk down the tunnel, a small light started to shine at the end. At first, Angel shook it off as an illusion. Then as it got brighter and larger the closer she came, and her eyes slowly adjusted to the slow change from a dark enviroment to that of a light filled one, or getting there anyways, Angel thought that she had made it outside.

Forcing her tired body into a sprint, the teenager thought she was going to burst outside, admist sweet air and a clear blue sky. And she was close .. to her target atleast. If what she didn't run into wasn't there.

Crying out from shock, she slammed into a figure and they both tumbled down, Angel was aware of a sudden intake of breath or gasps from many people, and slowly she pulled herself up off whomever she had run into.

Blinking a few times, Angel's first view of what or who she had run into, was red. Then black. And a sense of dread came over her. And it wasn't let down as her eyes caught sight of a burning red emblem on the black part of the shirt she was looking at. And suddenly Angel realised how bad this was.

People had always feared Team Rocket would somehow make a comeback from the sound thrashing a Trainer named Satoshi Red had delivered unto them. But now, now Angel grasped at a straw that maybe a more dangerous foe had come. A more deadly opponent-

The red haired man seemed to have a temper as short as the fire his hair was colored after, “You fools! Our hide out was supposed to be secure!”

Then again, Angel thought, maybe they weren't such a deadly foe...

Pushing herself up, Angel backed away from the man as he seemed to have a harder time getting up, and it seemed a cape was the reason for that, but Angel was taking all the chances given to her. Even if this guy was a moron too, he was larger then herself, in hieght and wieght. And if he went at her outside of a pokemon battle...

“Maxie! Sir!” Someone called out from above, and this was when Angel took note of her surroundings; she, and ‘Maxie’ were in a crater of some sort, that was a good fifteen feet deep, and in a slightly deeper depression in the middle of the crater, that was atleast three times as wide as it was deep, a large bulge of rock jutted up from the stone. Ragged and pock-marked, the stone appeared worn and abused from years of weathering. Looking up, Angel squinted at the sight of bright baby blue sky greeting her before a small cloud scudded past high above.

Blinking repeatedly and squinting a bit more now, Angel returned her gaze to the one dubbed ‘Maxie’, he appeared to be thirty, at the most, short and well kept crimson hair was the first thing that seemed to stick out on this guy. Outside of the get up he wore. Scowling, the man litterally looked down at the intruder that had dared slammed into him, and grabbed a pokeball and maximised it.

“You girl, are going to regret ever running into my orginisation, let alone myself.” Maxie growled as he threw the pokeball forward. It burst open in a flash of gold and red energy a few feet from Angel; causing the young trainer to back up as she did not know what was being released.

The red and gold energy quickly started to take form, four legs, a barrel of a torso, a gracefull neck and a horned head. Ears pricked up and the nostrils flared as a tail of pure fire waved behind it slightly while a mane of flames billowed almost gracefully as the Rapidash tossed its cream furred head a little, violet-black eyes bright with intelligence and something else in their depths.

Backing up again, and not stopping, Angel was about ready to try and run for it when Maxie snapped out orders to the Rapidash; “Rapidash, Horn Attack!”

“Oh my god are you insane!?” Angel near screamed as the horse whickered loudly, reared up and charged her. A real scream escaped her as fear gripped her heart as the flame horse pokemon tore over the rock straight for her. She didn't hear Maxie reply, if he even said anything, all she could see and hear was the Rapidash as it bore down on her.

Almost snarling, the horse pokemon threw it's head to the side and then tried to sweep it across Angel. Crying out in fear, she just managed to deflect the blow with the Magikarp, though Caim cried out loudly in pain as the more experienced Rapidash was able to still deal damage even with the fish pokemon's bone like scales. Rearing up again, the Rapidash lashed out with its front hooves, catching both Angel and her pokemon off guard for such a maunuver.

Another sharp cry escaped Angel as she was sent tumbling backwards, vision realing and slowly everything started to fade...

“Quick! Get that meteorite out of that damn crater! What are you all staring at!? MOVE IT NOW!”

Angel heard a weak utterance of ‘Karp’ from Caim as her eyes closed, and as the darkness took her under, she didn't hear the ‘And someone finish that trash off,’



To Be Continued in Chapter Three;
Surprise Rescue? Battle aftermath!

Tale
10th November 2005, 6:55 PM
Wow! Amazing, Renegade.

It's so great how you've taken a fic that is so commonly used in such unoriginal ways and completely made it your own with events that brimmed with originality and excitement.

For instance, I like the fact you allowed Angel to stumble upon the egg accidentally and actually recieved it through hours of really hard work. You made it seem as if it were destiny instead of an event to aid the plot, which is great to behold in a story.

The maliciousness of Maxie was surprising, attacking a girl like that with no remorse strengthened by the fact he ordered a finishing attack really made Maxie retain the evil that he would otherwise be rather bare of, in my opinion anyway -_-. So great job on that.

The characters here are really developing, I'm getting to love Caim more and more as the story progresses; your sig says it all, Magikarp pwns. Angel herself is also developing well, her character is really shining through in your descriptions such as her giddy attitude when she found the egg and how that causes her little dream to take form within her mind.
Without plain, flat out descritpion, you're describing really well by adding small bits at a time.

Great cliffhanger, my only twinge with this chapter is how you displayed the title of the next, revealing that Angel is in fact rescued, unless thats just to mislead in which case, my concerns are all but vacant.

Great job with this chapter, I'm really getting into this and I'm greatly looking forward to the next chappy! ^_^

Yami Ryu
10th November 2005, 7:44 PM
ty Tale, just ty.

I thought people would be annoyed that Angel recived the Aero egg even after the hard work she went through to get it, but there was really no other way to recive it, as I really doubt it'd be loaned to her to revived.

And about Maxie; well it's kinda hard to see someone as nice and soft speaking or something when in Emerald, well if you get as far as Mossdeep city, you'll understand. I mean there's just nothing sane or nice about a guy wanting to steal rocket fuel and chuck it into Mt. Chimeny XD so I sort of wtf at those that make him well, a bumbling fool. That's Team Rocket's job XD *runs*

And I am loving how the characters are being developed too, cause seriously, people underestimate the simple pokemon, or underuse possible great ones. Even I remember Misty mentioning about why Magikarp are near inedible, and how James kicked it. And it didn't get a concusion. It just got ****** and evolved XD

Ah, the cliffy. The ? is there for a reason, because of well, you'll have to see it when it happens XD

And then everyone will come to love another under used/rated pokemon!

*pokes at Maxie* *gets bit* ... *threatens Maxie with Archie and Maxie cowers* Anyways, the next chapter will be out soon

Brinstar
11th November 2005, 3:27 AM
Very interesting Yami, and well written. It kept my interest all the way through. My favorite part was the scenes depicting the inner workings of Mt. Moon; You described Angel's distate for the place quite well and I could picture each scene perfectly. The discovery of the Aerodactly egg was well written as well. Good work.

Typhlogirl
11th November 2005, 8:37 AM
OMFG EVIL MAXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!*fangirl scream*

AHEM. O_o

Very good chapter! I sighted some spelling and grammar mistakes but they were minor and can be easily over looked. I love your chapter length, not too short, but not so long as to make you wish the damn thing would just end already. ^_^

The Aerodactyl egg was a very nice effect, I liked the way you made Angel have to work at getting it out, as opposed to her just magically tripping over it or something. Ya know. It adds a whole nother layer to the plot cake! (Plot cake? O_o XD)

OMFG MAXIE. I love him so much. He's one of my favourite pokemon characters of all time. And you portrayed him beautifully. *give cookies* I'm sick of seeing Maxie portrayed as a bumbling, hair flicking idiot, (though I am guilty of this in one of my fics -_-) so seeing him as an ACTUALLY EVIL boss was very refreshing. That gives you many, many brownie points in my books! XDD

All in all, very nice chapter, and I await the next installment!

Regards,

-;157;

Yami Ryu
11th November 2005, 7:20 PM
wow I didn't have anything to really worry about, with the Aerodactly egg scene it seems. And that was my main worry for this chapter XD and I've heard of plot holes, plot bunnies, plot loops, but never plot cakes XD

Should have waited to reply to my reviews to when my mind is a little more awake and a bit less ZOMG MONTY PYTHON MARATHON, so I'll just give you three a heads-up, that the third chapter is about 1/3 or 1/4 of the way done, so hopefully it'll be up sooner then chapter two was XD

Kiyohime
13th November 2005, 3:33 AM
xDDDDD MAGIKARP BLUDGEON! I instantly love you for thinking up that idea, and now I wish I had thought of that first. It's pure genius.

The action moves at a good pace, and I like your description; you have absolutely no problems there. I saw a few typos but they aren't worth nitpicking as it's clear you're a good writer. I've never read your work before, so it was a pleasant surprise (and to clear things up, I got here by clicking on the Karp in your sig. XD)

Usually, in fanfictions about trainers who want to become dragon trainers, they become horrible Gary-Stus or Mary-Sues, and I don't really think Angel is a Mary-Sue (what Mary-Sue uses a Pokemon as a bludgeon?) though her personality's very likable, and your writing is good, so you avoided that pitfall.

And...yeh, Magikarp's my favorite character now. 8D

Yami Ryu
14th November 2005, 11:22 AM
Alright first off; to whatever ****tard I reviewed and critisied, to try and make get better. Thanks for downing the stars on my fic. Guess why?It means I am better than you. Or atleast my fic > You.

NOW ONTO THE REAL REASON FOR THE POST!

Yay to the fact everyone here aknowledges the power of the karp! ^_~ and to the fact Caim will be pwning stuff for awhile to come whenever Angel uses him. *pets teh karp* and yeah the reason I went for the name Angel was .. well I'd seen it abused so much by mary sues I thought it needed a chance for reedeming, and .. I couldn't think of anything else at the time, and it seems to fit her perfectly XD

Rating: PG-13
For Violence with a Muk and a kick to the butt





Chapter Three
Surprise Rescue? Battle aftermath!


A few hours before...




‘Going to be late, again! Gah, this is not good!’

The young mans thoughts were interupted as he turned the corner, and just about ran into someone's fist. A near pathetic sound escaped him as he tottered back before collapsing into a boneless heap. Though the owner of the fist wasn't in much better condition.

Flinching, Mandy nursed his wounded pride as he cradled the hand that had just pulverised, or almost, anyways, the man that now lay at his feet. Glaring at the man as if he was the cause of this, Mandy tried to ignore the knowledge of who had really done this.

But like a troublesome stain, it kept coming back. And not going away. So it seemed to continually haunt Mandy. Though this was normal, he had never liked being with Team Magma; but he was basically stuck in the role he now found himself in.

And forced to come to the terms that yet again he had failed, and ...

Mandy didn't want to dwell on that.

But it seemed the blonde haired man wouldn't be rescued from his thoughts anytime soon as a memory flickered too life. The first trainer Mandy had faced had been stronger then his Poochyena and Nidoran gang up, and had gotten past him. The screams would haunt him for the rest of his life, Mandy guessed.

And now another one would be added to that...

Shaking himself mentally, Mandy slapped himself outwardly. He could not fall into that state. If he did, he'd be seen as weak, and .. Mandy didn't want to be seen as weak. Not untill he could get far, far away and allow himself to cry into his pillow for the vicious crimes he had witnessed and heard.

And like the man he had just taken down, he was rudely shaken from his thoughts as his cellphone blared out with some sort of rap music tone. He hadn't really bothered to change it when he'd gotten it, but now wasn't a time to try, either. Muttering loudly after the startlement he had recived, Mandy all but yanked the phone from the pocket, flicked it open and put the hand held device to his ear.

“What!?” He snapped out, stress aiding to the fierce tone he tried to have going for him. Mandy could just about see the roll of the eyes from whomever was speaking.

“The Boss has found what we came here for originally. So move your *** and get over here!”

Muttering an “Alright,” at that, Mandy took down the directions and snapped the phone shut with a sharp metalic ‘clink’. Though a small part of him was glad. There had been no snide remarks about him letting another trainer slip past.

Shoving the mobile phone back into his pocket, he started off.

Present Time

Mandy could only stare in complete and utter horror that was hard to keep hidden, as he watched that Rapidash attempted to gore the human. If only she had been stalled for another hour. If only she had wandered down another path.

Mandy wasn't the only one to flinch as the girl was knocked for a loop by one of the horse pokemon's hooves. But he was the only one wishing the girl hadn't been there. He didn't like this, he had only joined because he had thought it was about stealing pokemon, and maybe terrorising a few elderly people out of their money.

Never had he thought it'd actually be about life and death, or forcing an ancient pokemon to wake from it's eternal slumber.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as Maxie shot out orders, and finished up with; ‘And someone finish that trash off,’

There was a small chance. Impossibly small, but, still he had to try!

Grabbing a pokeball quickly, he threw it forward, not caring that an Admin had already summoned a Muk onto the scene. Ignoring the startled exclimation from the more experienced member to somewhere off his right, he snapped out a command to his pokemon as it formed.

Energy colored a deep stain of red formed and shifted into a near mushroom esque shape at first, then the ‘Stalk’ split; branching off into thirty smaller ‘stems’ that were a dark brown-grey in color, and they waved fiercly as the creature heard his master's commands, and would obey to the death, as most starters seemed to form a bond so deep, it was beyond anything found in life itself...

Or it could be the fact a Tentacruel had a brain probably the size of a walnut.

The giant dark blue, red jemmed cap glistened as light reflected off it's slimy body. Eyes narrowed in the darkness past it's tentacles and twin pincer like mandibles jutted out from the darkness and sunk into the earth as an extra balance of sorts.

The admin snarled out an order to the Muk, before throwing his gaze at the offending grunt. “What is the meaning of this Mandy!?” The Admin demanded, and the Magma members between himself and the offending grunt coward, but were unable to move as that'd be abandoning their positions, and none of them wanted to anger Maxie now. Not like their crazy partner in this trough of insanity.

Mandy ignored him, just having a gut feeling if he looked away now, he'd loose his nerve to actually attempt to do the right thing, just snapped out; “My Tentacruel hasn't had anything to eat lately!”

The Admin seemed to be taken aback a bit by the outburst from Mandy, but he didn't believe this blonde haired fool. But he backed off, and called the Muk away from the Tentacruel; which had been beating the Muk up with ten of it's tentacles, easily dealing damage and fending the living sludge monster off without a second thought.

The Muk let out a terrible, graiting moan of it's name as it oozed over the rock; leaving a trail of vicious green slime that gave off a terrible odor behind it. A Magma grunt too near the Muk's master muttered just loud enough to be heard, ‘Looks like it's not potty trained.’ He was cut off from any further remarks when the Admin, a terrible brute as it is, kicked the grunt square in the behind, sending him flailing and squawking into the crater below.

The foul smelling purple and black sludge creature let out a groan of ‘Muuuu-uuku’ and started to advance on the human. The Magma grunt wasn't mocked as he screamed like a pansy and scrambled to get up, making it out of reach as a slimey three fingered hand swiped the area his leg had been a moment ago.

“George over here over here!” A voice cried out and a pair of grunts waved their hands to the grunt stuck in the pit, already one was summoning a long snake like creature of purple skin and rattled tail as ‘George’ fled the pursuing Muk.

Mandy, taking the advantage of this distraction as the admin and everyone else was watching the plight of poor George, made several swift motions with his hands, and the Tentacruel gave a small and soft ‘Tenta’ as he shifted slightly, and one tentacle snapped around the Magikarp and with a light toss, sent the dazed thing flying to Mandy, who caught it swiftly, and stuffed it into his shirt, hoping no one asked where the bulge came from as the Tentacruel snapped the young woman's prone form up with a dozen of it's limbs, and pulled her up into the ebony darkness at the heart of the tentacles.

Shuddering and sighing lightly, now all Mandy had to do was wait, and hope.

Time seemed to want to inch by as he now sat by his Tentacruel as it ‘digested’ it's meal, eyes half closed and almost listless. Except for nudging a shoe towards Mandy, somehow or other the shoe had come off, and joined its fellow by Mandy. Seemingly further proof the girl was ‘taken care of’ as the giant meteorite was hauled out of the pit it'd created. After an hour of hard labour. Or atleast for the rock and ground types the grunts had.

And finally, when the last stone chip holding the meteroite in place was turned to dust at the claws of a sandshrew, several Rhydon were forced to pull it free and haul it out of the pit with the help of a Steelix, and Mandy just watched this all unfold from where he sat near his loyal jellyfish. Though they broke the stoic look they had a few times when the real idiots nearly got themselves run over by the near sphere shaped space rock.

Only when the last footstep faded into nothingness. When not even a Zubat could have heard a swear from a magma member that had his foot trodden upon, when all was silent and nothing stirred it seemed; did Mandy turn to the water/poison dual type and slowly shift onto his knees, reaching into the mess of tentacles.

“Easy Tenta, easy,” Mandy murmured, not even flinching at a rush of water hit his hands, and stung slightly, or the fact his arms were being numbed by the toxic limbs of the jellyfish. But after years of handling ‘Tenta’, Mandy had developed an immunity to the poisons of the Tentacool line.

More water came, and finally the Tentacruel let the human he had been hiding in a pocket of sorts, fall into his masters arms. Mandy grunted as he caught her, and slowly pulled the nameless trainer out, trying to be carefull and not jostle her too much, least she become even more injured. Shifting her with caution evident in his actions, he circled an arm around her waist and squeazed slightly- then jerked his arm tight and in one motion caused the girls lungs to clear themselves of water. A ragged sounding breath was heard as the young woman, now consious, a bit, sputtered, spilling more water from her mouth and pulled in another breath.

“Easy, easy, you're safe.. ish..” Mandy muttered. The damp haired girl muttered something as her head drooped slightly, and Mandy sighed. “Amazed you survived this long in there,” he softly spoke while scooping the girl up as if she wieghed like a twig. Looking at Tenta, he nodded, and the Tentacruel uttered it's name softly again, eyes focused on the young female human for a moment; he had wished no ill to her. For he hadn't been told to attack her, so had no reason to want to harm her.

The Tentacruel then reached out with a apendage and tapped the pokeball that he called home, and disappeared into it on his masters belt. It was around this time Caim had ‘woken’ up, and began thrashing, uttering Magikarps like no tomorrow before finally freeing himself from his prison, and landed on his trainer.

Swearing lightly at the orange fish, even knowing it was useless as the fish stared up mindlessly and blankly at him, Mandy started forward. Atleast something wasn't affected by the knowledge of how badly the trainer in Mandy's arms could be off thanks to the double beating her body had recived; a hoof to the head and poison to her body.

“This isn't a game anymore, you brat,” Mandy muttered suddenly, but didn't take his gaze off of the slight flicker of light at the end of this tunnel. “This is life. It's not fair, and to ‘lose’ means to die. .. and there's no second chances. And I won't be there to save you again.”

Mandy didn't say anything else, knowing it was useless to speak to the girl in her condition. Half dead and not getting any better. But atleast he could say he had warned the kid. So his ‘shoulder angel’ couldn't nag at him or try to make him feel guilty.

And as Mandy sought to get the girl to the pokemon center or better yet; a hospital in Cerulean city, Maxie was already plotting his next move now that he had gotten the meteorite from Mt Moon, and it lay in the Radio Tower that had been put up recently just outside of Lavender town, and then in Saffron, for the head opperations of Silph Co. Then his dastardly plans could be set into action. And it did not help he was still on a rush for getting away with murder. Again.

Or atleast, so he thought.


-

Angel didn't know how long she was out. All she could remember was .. fighting an idiot... and Hades being hurt! .. then .. finding the fossil egg... and .. and a flash of something, something blurred, being struck, and .. and nothing.

Snapping upright, or trying to get into a seated position, even if she was prevented by doing that for being tied to the bed to prevent herself from getting out of bed untill she was fully healed, Angel struggled. Weakly, but she kept struggling. ‘It isn't fair!’ Angel thought acidly before slumping bonelessly into the hospital bed. She hated it here.

It stunk of cleanliness; antibacterials and bleach. And another thing.

Defeat. To be here she had to have been defeated. Her pokemon had been defeated. She was weak. They were weak.

Clenching her eyes shut, Angel tried to keep the tears from coming. She couldn't cry, weaklings didn't achieve their dreams. She couldn't be weak. But still, pushing past her struggles and denials, the tears leaked past. Seconds trickled by and seemed to turn into minutes, when it was only maybe the span of one, and Angel slumped again, weary, tired, and just let herself cry.

It didn't help words echoed inside her mind, words she didn't want to aknowledge for it meant to come to terms she'd be dead, that she was weak. That she didn't belong here, or belong on the path of her dreams.

Once again shutting her eyes fiercely, Angel pushed those thoughts away. She couldn't think those thoughts, she really would be defeated and pathetic like those Geodudes and Zubat's had been that she'd defeated using Caim. She was strong. Her pokemon were strong. She'd just been cheated by a stupid blonde halloween trick or treater.

Opening her eyes, the lost look that they had held for a brief time was gone, lost in the seas of a boiling surge of raw emotion. She would get better. Her pokemon would heal. She'd defeat the next gym and be one step closer to her goals. Nothing would stop her.

Nothing.

Or atleast so she thought.


To Be Continued in Chapter Four;
Recovery and the fierce battle of Fire and Ice! [Part 1!]

PsiUmbreon
14th November 2005, 8:31 PM
The auburn haired teen let out a slight shriek from startlement and flailed with her Magikarp, scoring a direct hit upon the bat, as it had not been expecting that, and it happened so fast it's ecolocation abilities hadn't picked up the movement.
whoops, forgot the h in "echolocation"


Starting, Angel almost dropped the cause of the break in the errie silence. Fumbling and nearly dropping the Magikarp, the auburn haired teenager flinched as the slime was moved from one hand to her other and the Karp. But an interesting thing happened upon that happening, it started to glow faintly, giving a weak outline of her hands and the pokemon she held.
Supposed to be "eerie".

Anywho, I came over here because I saw your rant and was disappointed that someone abused the rating system like that. It's happened to me too, just not in the fics section. So I was going to give your fic a good rating just because, but then I thought I should read it and be able to give a good explanation as to WHY it deserves a good rating. And, well, the answer is simple: MAGIKARP PWNS. *pictures the trainer smacking things with the karp*

On a more serious note, I like the originality in your fic. Proof that it's not the fact that the fic is of an overly used genre in the Pok&#233;mon fic universe that makes the fic inherently bad, it's the skill of the writer.

Confused by what I just said? Well, me too. :D

Sike Saner
14th November 2005, 11:11 PM
Ah, boss. Points for originality and cleverness: this resembles nothing I have ever read before. Love those characters, especially Mandy - you avoid the trap of characters on the "bad guy" team being one-dimensional thugs, so big points for you there. The grammar and diction are good and clear, too; I can understand clearly everything depicted here.

A couple of highlights; just some things that I particularly liked:


“This is the way we train the ‘karp, train the ‘karp, this is the way we train the ‘Karp as it knows nothing,” Angel muttered to herself as she held the large light orange and grey finned pokemon at the base of the tail and swung the hapless fish.

Best intro EVER. Yeah, that was definitely worth a good laugh.


A bitter ‘Next time, I am bringing a flash light’ escaped Angel as hind-sight showed that this was her fault, not the guy playing dress up. Though Angel marked it off as the romantic part of herself trying to give the guy a second chance.

Ah, yes. Now, that's what I like to see - nice, little humanizing touches like that.


And like the man he had just taken down, he was rudely shaken from his thoughts as his cellphone blared out with some sort of rap music tone. He hadn't really bothered to change it when he'd gotten it, but now wasn't a time to try, either.

See above quote.


Energy colored a deep stain of red formed and shifted into a near mushroom esque shape at first, then the ‘Stalk’ split; branching off into thirty smaller ‘stems’ that were a dark brown-grey in color, and they waved fiercly as the creature heard his master's commands, and would obey to the death, as most starters seemed to form a bond so deep, it was beyond anything found in life itself...

Or it could be the fact a Tentacruel had a brain probably the size of a walnut.

Yet another great, unexpected laugh.


The Muk let out a terrible, graiting moan of it's name as it oozed over the rock; leaving a trail of vicious green slime that gave off a terrible odor behind it. A Magma grunt too near the Muk's master muttered just loud enough to be heard, ‘Looks like it's not potty trained.’

And another. Some lines in this are just simply priceless...

Bah, I'm a crap reviewer. XD Anyway, I'm feeling what you're doing so far, both as a fan of unconventional stories and a fan of blunt instrument usage. ^_^ Hail the Karp!

Yami Ryu
15th November 2005, 12:23 AM
Psi: I get what your saying; Magikarp pwns and deserves the stars. End of story. XD and thanks for the review and the rate most likely.

Sike; And happy to see another person converted to the 'Magikarp Pwnsism' thing going on XD and glad you got a laugh at the humorous parts of the RP.

And happy to see the stars are back to four, I'm happy with four, and happy at the fact people helped me when the lameraters attacked. TY to all that helped me, and ty to all my reviewers.

And as Sike said, Hail to the Karp! For it pwns many things XD

Lady Myuu
18th November 2005, 7:45 PM
I did it, yay I got off my lazy butt and read it all.

Sooo happy..

anyway.

I love the plot devolpment and story so far, yes secretly I always did like trainer stories but since lately I havn't had many that spoke to me. (yes they speak to me!) I had given up.

But you always write great trainer stories... o.o please keep writing this one.

magikarp do pwn :P

I love Mandy, I want to add him to the man hord.

Typhlogirl
18th November 2005, 9:28 PM
Gah, lateness. X_X

Anyway, another good chapter! I did notice a small amount of error's here and there, but they can be overlooked.

I like how Mandy's character was fleshed out more in this chapter; he seem's to have a kind heart deep down. Unlike Maxie. Two+ murder's? EXCELLENT! Now that's what the real Maxie should be like! ^_^

Angel truly isn't an Angel, is she? But I like her, her personality is original and a pleasure to read about. I also like how she was....well I guess you could say I like how she was injured. I've never seen that happened to anyone in fanfiction. Well, not a character being kicked by a Rapidash then in constant contact with Tentacruel slime! ^_^;

Just one thing:

Or atleast so she thought.

Remember to put a space beteen at and least.


Anyway, very enjoyable chapter, and good luck with the next one!

-;157;

Tale
19th November 2005, 12:24 AM
Gah, lateness. X_X

Ditto @.@.

Sorry for being so late, Ren, read the chapter ages ago and completely forgot to reveiw X.X.

Anyway, I found this chapter to be highly intriguing; especially Mandy's character who I'm growing to like more and more as chapters progress. The way you've developed him is very well done, for example, I love how you made him intend to actually commit crimes such as steal Pokemon and terrorize old people (XD) out of their money - and you didn't lean too far to the side so he was wishing he'd never joined Magma because crimes make him sick, or he only joined to spy on them or something - which is a trait that you're really great at in this fic, meaning you steer well away from any form of Mary/ Gary-Stuish personalities and actions (the name of Angel has to be put aside, such inclinations from a mere name should be forgotten completely as long as the character is developed well).

I loved how you described the Tentacruel and the actions it performed - you managed to keep facts that would otherwise somewhat complicate the story for a writer, such as the present poison within his body. I may be wrong, but I'm sure that would have been worked around/ left out to avoid any more damage to Angle, but you kept it in and concequently made the situation far more realistic.

One qualm about the Tentacruel though, I'm sure I must have missed something within the text, but I'm not sure of how it moved, did it float or use its tentacles? If I did miss/ forget the answer to my question within the text, I'm sorry for asking <.<;

Very enjoyable chapter, lots of developement and a storyline is taking shape. Well done!

Saffire Persian
19th November 2005, 3:27 AM
Well, Magikarp does have another use to add to its small list. Kudos to you for that one. It does strike me as an apt bludgeoning tool. And, the first line of this story really caught my attention, and I like it:


This is the way we train the ‘karp, train the ‘karp, this is the way we train the ‘Karp as it knows nothing,”

That makes a very nice sort of mantra, y'know.

I also like Angel's attitude, it's about time someone told Magma their uniforms were dorky.

You show a wonderful ability with characterization, and I'm quite enjoying this story, even if I'm only one the first chapter. However, there was one sentence I feel I need to point out.


“Hades!” Exclaimed Angel as she started to move towards the fallen, and seemingly knocked out fire type, to check Hades and make sure he was alright.

The commas are misplaced. It should be: "towards the fallen, and seemingly knocked out, fire type..."

Yami Ryu
19th November 2005, 4:06 AM
Wow four reviews in one day. I feel loved XD

Myuu; No you may not steal Mandy. But you can have this Mandy plush. Even comes with a little cellphone that blares out rap music. *throws it at Myuu*

Typlogirl: It's alright for being a bit late for reviewing, all that matters is you reviewed it :p so don't worry about being late like that. And you're right about that, yet to see any Mary Sue go through normal, everyday strife. Or plausible actions from encounters that doesn't leave them looking pathetic and always a victim, or have them escaping unscathed and undefeated. And yeah, I like how Mandy is developing quiet nicely, and am happy everyone likes how his character is too.

Tale: Same goes for you, don't worry about reviewing late. Just means my fic gets bumped to the first page randomly XD to clear the Tenta thing up, I see Tentacool as a water only going pokemon, like Horsea, but Tentacruel has more tentacles, plus the twin jaw like spikes- I see it as able to fare over land, so, I should have described it more, but it balanced itself with the spikes, and uses it's tentacles to keep it upright. And this is the first trainer fic, that I've wrote, in a long while, with original characters, that I am having fun with. And isn't Mary Sue-ish, like I had feared it would turn up, but you- and the other reviewers, and my skills seem to be keeping me clear of that bump and the fear of it XD

Saffire Persian: Glad to see another person likes/can stand the thought of a Magikarp as a blunt object of force/harm/whatever, and I thought I had all the comma's done right O.o ah well, like my 'Atleasts' that have stuck to me like glue to be wrote that way, the comma seems to be just as elusive to get right XD

Anyways; Story wise, the next chapter will be a bit slow in coming, as some stuff has come up and while I know what'll happen for the story, I just dun have the will to write. So I'm sorry to say there will be a delay of sorts.

Taoist
24th November 2005, 7:40 PM
Brill Fic, Love It Uberishly!

Cirrus
25th November 2005, 4:35 AM
Aww! I feel so sorry for that poor little Magikarp! :( I love my cute, little Magikarp so much, so this made me a bit sad.

But, then I realized that it was kinda funny, too! ^^ I like reading this! Even though that poor Magikarp get swung around like a club....

It gets the Absol of Approval!^^ (http://www.home.no/hanslam/Pokemon/absol.gif)

Yami Ryu
26th November 2005, 3:50 PM
To those still, evidently, trying to down my fic's rating; please stop. Your lameassness is retarded. Have a nice day.

Anyways...

Here's the next chapter, a bit late, and probably not up to snuff, but as I said before, I haven't really been able to focus on writing. Even though I wanted to write, stuff has kept me from really writing.

Originally, I was going to just have Hades battle. Then I was going to have a double battle. But both ideas were scrapped, and in this battle, I was originally going to have the other pokemon win, but then thought against it, as that would be a bad idea. So, draft four; is this.

Enjoy.

Side note; the understanding of the Charmeleon's speech is revealed in this, and I'll go into it farther in later chapters, when it becomes important to the plot. Oooh, is this a spoiler? .. most likely no, as it won't matter for awhile yet to come.

Rating: PG-13
For suggestions of cursing and mild battle violence





Chapter Four
Recovery and the fierce battle of Fire and Ice! [Part 1!]




“Ow.”

“Miss Wolfe, stop touching that.”

Angel ignored the nurses orders, and continued to poke the large angry welt on her arm. Owing every few seconds. She found it hard to resist, even with the pain factor, and the poking continued. The Nurse shook her head and quickly tried to go about changing the bandages before the girl could do serious damage.

But Angel was in her own world, and it wasn't just because she was poking something and causing herself pain and an occasional soft ‘ow’, it was because there was something off. She couldn't remember how this wound and the others had come about. And was clueless to their inquries about self injection of toxins from poisonous pokemon, (some people do it as a sort of new age drug) as she was about the rather nasty gash to the side of her head she'd somehow aquired too while in Mt Moon.

Her wrist was grabbed before she could jab at another welt and the nurse started to take care of the captured hand, leaving Angel left to scowl up at the woman. Eventhough it seemed the older, and much more mature female ignored this with practice obtained over the years.

Huffing, Angel turned her gaze elsewhere, and became the ‘good little paitient’ that the nurse wanted.

As the young woman's gaze drifted to the window, a frown marred her face as something itched at the back of her mind. Like she should know, or remember something. Something very important.

Brows bunching up as Angel lost herself in thought, the Nurse took this quiet and unstruggling reprive to quickly wrap up, pun intended or no, the job of taking care of the teenager's wounds.

So lost was she in thought from trying to figure out what it was she was trying to remember, she didn't see the news report on the television as it was turned on by one of the other paitiens in the room. A special news bulletin about Mt. Moon; That the Moon Stone Meteor had somehow been stolen from its rocky bed, while several critically injured, or worse, trainers had been located.

An hour later (and most of it wasted in trying to remember whatever it had that bothered her), Angel found herself outside of the hospital and reunited with her pokemon once more. Though she was regreting letting them out for one reason...

“CHAR!”

Ah yes, there it was. Eardrums in pain.

“Charmeleon, CHAR!” The fire lizard snapped out, tail snapping back and forth as he sat on his trainer's back, much to the amusment of some onlookers, for all the world looking like a scolding mother to a child. And in effect, he was. Scolding that is.

Angel flinched, the yell had been right in her ear. And more importantly, the one with the trans-unitTwo was on the fritz again and needed to be repaired once more. So Angel, for the moment, had been allowed to hear it as senseless gibberish in one ear, and what the Char was saying in the other when the unit was working.

“Hades-”

“Meleon!”

Angel ground her teeth, and silently wished Caim would flop mindlessly within reach so she could smite Hades, and get up; even with painkillers she had recived before leaving, her body was starting to protest this activity of being sat upon very much.

“Char chaa mele back, why did you let yourself go unguarded!?” The Charmeleon demanded as he waved his arms a bit to express his point. “We are supposed to ke-eon Char!”

Letting out a strained sigh, Angel moved a hand to rub at the bridge of her nose. Atleast she could do that as the Charmeleon continued to rant and rave about his point.

Then finally, after an eternity (but really only ten minutes,) Hades got off of Angel's back and the human was able to pull herself upright. She recalled Caim and was about to recall Hades when the fire lizard pokemon growled deeply in the back of his throat while narrowing dark blue-violet eyes at his trainer. “Char. Charmeleon.” Hades growled out between clenched teeth.

Taken aback by this open threat, Angel took a step back before holding the pokeball out again. “I said Return.” The girl said as she tried to keep the sudden spark of fear from entering her clouded grey eyes.

Hades let out a snarl of meaningless sound as he dodged the red beam, glaring harshly at his trainer as she tried again, and again. Wasting even more time to try and call back the fire type.

“Return!” Angel shouted as she finally landed a red beam on the Charmeleon from his pokeball. Hades let out a now silenced snarl before disappearing into that red blast of energy as he was sucked back into the red and white sphere.

Breathing harshly, Angel allowed her shoulders to slump a fraction. It had been bad enough when she had started to doubt her abilities, now her own partner was rebeling against her?

‘Is there no end to this madness?’ The trainer thought to herself as she tried to once more collect her composure; trying to ignore the small seed of doubt that was trying to take root. Nor did she see the fact it was starting to slowly sprout...


-

Mindless wandering. That had been what she was doing. Or had been anyways, before she stumbled upon the Cerulean Gym ... or the sign post anyways.

Cursing lightly under her breath, Angel picked up the knocked over sign and tried to fix the damage it seemed she had caused; never knowing it'd been ready to topple over at the first sign of a distressed trainer.

Giving up when it seemed to not be working, Angel went for the ‘I don't see any sign’ approach and would claim it was like this when she got here as she headed for the entrance to the large building. Like the first Gym she'd fought in, the building gave off the distinct hints as to what type the leader would train; Snow white painted walls. Harsh and wild blue designs here and there, same went for the roof. Small windows of that expensive frosted glass.

The doorknob chilled her hand upon contact. Shivering as it seemed to chill her to the bone, Angel opened the door and quickly slipped into the, she guessed; Ice Gym.

It was a bit dim as she shut the door, but not gloomy like the Steel gym had been, or like Mt Moon. Allowing her eyes time to adjust, Angel stood there, feeling for all the world like she was in a giant freezer of sorts as her breath puffed out in small white clouds infront of her face from the chill.

“Brrrr,” Angel muttered, not exagerating a shiver that went through her body. “Damn it's cold,” the auburn haired youth grumbled as she started to walk down a short hallway; walls the same as they were outside. White with harsh, near blinding blue here and there.

The short walk ended with Angel appearing in the doorway of a much larger room, and outside of the color and chill; this gym was exactly like the first.

Except for the fact the arena looked like a giant frozen pool.

As she cautiously entered the room, Angel didn't notice that she was being watched as she made her way over to the simple battle arena. And it was as her first observation said; a frozen pool. Though there were a few things to keep it from being a plain arena field of ice. A few rocks and boulders were placed halfway into the ice while frozen mounds looking like bad attempts of ice sculpters littered the arena too.

Then, from behind; “So another one tries for my badge?”

It was like the voice of a child, only Angel thought she caught a hint of something else in that ‘innocent’ tone as she whirled around, near slipping on the marble floor, but instantly forgot about that as she caught sight of the speaker.

A young kid, maybe ten at the most, stood a few feet away from her; dressed in an outfit more suited for a hot island get away; flowered shirt, khaki shorts, sandles and a straw hat.

Angel eyed the kid warily, after that run in with an idiot, she remembered that atleast, she wasn't about to let herself be defeated in such a manor again.

“So does it speak? Or are you mute? Or did the ice freeze your lips together? You don't look stupid enough to not know how to speak,” the ten year old taunted Angel as she came closer, hands behind her back.

Narrowing flint like grey eyes at the near white haired child. Though Angel wasn't far into being her senior, but atleast couldn't herself be called a child. Or so she thought, as most adults don't follow the reasoning of those younger than them.

“I didn't come here for insults,” Angel snapped out. “I came here for a battle.”

The nameless gym leader let out an ‘ooooh,’ and started to head over to the other side of the frozen arena. “Double battle or two battles of one on one?” She questioned.

Angel hesitated a moment to answer, Hades earlier antics still fresh in her mind, and forced her to answer with a ‘One on One,’ and just hoping this wasn't going to end badly. As this meant it was going to be just as hard to pull off.

She didn't see the grin the young gym leader had, as the girls back was to her. But she could feel a shift in the air, it seemed. A bit more doom and gloom to the cold that was numbing her body. “Oh goody, I was hoping to let Shark out to have some fun.” She told the trainer near absentmindedly while pulling a pokeball out of a pocket. The black and white sphere with gold marks on the top glistened as it was maximized to the size of a soft ball before being tossed out onto the arena.

The large Ultraball bounced once, twice, three times before being rocketed up into the air by the beam of energy escaping it. The red and golden light seemed to explode outwards a second before contracting into a compact and small form of a bright pink pokemon that stood on its hind legs. Large, golden brown eyes blinked a bit as a golden feather stood out behind an ear, and the same went for where a tail should have been; three golden feathers. A gold jewel also marked a spot above its eyes as the creature pulled itself to its full hieght of around two feet, paws curled and nestled a little bit infront of its chest.

“Sneeeesaaa,” the Sneasel hissed out, his gaze locking onto the opponent trainer as he awaited his masters orders, and his master just stood where she was; arms crossed infront of her and a smirk on her face.

Angel hesitated a moment before grabbing a pokeball, maximizing the red and white sphere and threw it out onto the field. It didn't take as long to release the pokemon it held; one bounce, a flash of red. And her chosen warrior was sent out to face off with the Sneasel.

Which, like his owner, stared a moment before breaking out in laughter.

“Shark, destroy it with Metal Claw!”

“Sne!” ‘Shark’ cried out as he drew a paw up and back, twin claws jutting out of his paw suddenly. Both were a good five inches in length and seemed to scream pain and death before they started to glow a dull silver and the Sneasel was off, charging his opponent, that just watched him with disinterest. Closer and closer the pink pokemon came... Untill he was almost upon the pokemon...

.. and then Angel acted.

“Caim, SPLASH!”

“Karp!” The Magikarp let out before it seemed he had a siezure as his body suddenly jerked before the tail slammed into the ice; sending up a few small shards as his own ‘attack’ launched him into the air and above the Sneasel as the claws struck the ice where Caim had been moments ago. Shark let out a Sneasel version of ‘What!?’ as even his own trainer was taken aback.

Then the large orange fish landed on the Sneasel's head and bounced off as the pink dark type was sent crashing into the ice much like his claws had been.

Growling fiercely as he pulled himself free, he didn't even wait for his trainer to command him; lunging at the Magikarp again with a slash attack; but it just bounced harmlessly off of Caim's scales. Though a confused sounding ‘Karp?’ escaped him.

“Caim, splash again! Splash for all you are worth you mindless thing!”

“Shark, don't let it!”

Caim tried to obey his trainer; even if he didn't exactly know what splash was and was just flailing about mindlessly, but the Sneasel was quicker this time; catching Caim with an underhanded sweep of his claws and sent the fish into the air.

“No!” Angel cried out, but it was too late; Caim had already been struck and sent flying. Forcing Angel to recall him or else he would slam into a wall and mose certianly die.

The smirking leader of ice grew even more smug as she won the round. Even if it had been by a dirty trick, and recalled her Sneasel.

“So are you going to continue, or admit defeat?”

Angel glanced up from the pokeball she clutched in both hands, and if she could growl, she would have been doing so as she rehooked the ball to her belt, and grabbed the one containing Hades without a second thought. “I'll defeat you!”

“Bring it,” the ten year old threw out as she let fly a second pokeball as Angel threw hers out onto the field also...



To Be Continued in Chapter Five;
Fierce battle of Fire and Ice! [The conclusion!]

Silver Ryu
26th November 2005, 6:15 PM
I love this fic! It's just...I like the way you've made Angel and Mandy and everyone else. It's just really creative, and I like it.

Tale
27th November 2005, 10:33 AM
Gym Battle!!

Very impressive, yet again, Ren. I loved everything about this chapter; the personality of all the characters was amazing, you've really made each one unique. I especially enjoyed the character of the Gym Leader, not just her personality, but her age and appearance - very intriguing...

You've really advanced well on the character of Hades as well, very fiery (very apt) and protective over Angel - so much so that Angel is reluctant to use him even within a Gym Battle.

As always, Caim was fantastic; you allowed him to pull off a successful Splash, which really helps the story, makes it far more realistic. And still, you stuck with the obvious outcome and let Caim faint - which was great. If he beat a shiny Sneasel, then that would have been amusing, but a bit off-putting; so I'm glad you did let him faint, and quite quickly too, as that prevented a farfetched outcome.

That small bit where we actually understood Hades was very interesting. I'm thinking you're taking a leaf out of Indigo's book, and letting the comprehension between the trainer and Pokemon grow as the relationship strengthens. I might be wrong, but it's a guess D=.

The only thing that slightly bothered me in this chapter was its length. A bit short in my opinion, though beggers can't be choosers. Anyway, its easier to read with shorter chapters =D I'm just picking out things to complain about...

Loved the chapter, can't wait for the next!

Brinstar
30th November 2005, 12:43 AM
Aside from a few spelling errors and being a tad short, this was a nice chapter. I enjoy reading Pokemon battles in fics so this was a treat. I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

One thing that bothered me: Was there a reason you withheld the Gym Leader's name?

Typhlogirl
30th November 2005, 4:36 AM
Yay, new chapter! *shame I'm so LATE.*

I must give you brownie points for the scene with Hades; it is not often in fanfiction that you see a pokemon properly rebelling against its trainer like that. I found that very interesting and rather enlightening. I wonder how far this apparent rebellion against his trainer is going to go? Well, I found it to be great, a nice change from the norm! *thumbs up*

I also liked this new gym leader. Heh, the mix of hawaiian clothing and white hair...made a very nice picture in my mind XD. I liked the fact the leader was so young, that was interesting. I presume Shark the Sneasel is shiny? Otherwise I'll point out that Sneasel is black. But you know that. So he must be shiny. [/rambling] Anyway, I liked the strategy with Caim!


"Caim, splash again! Splash for all you are worth you mindless thing!”

ROFLMAO. That was classic.


“Ow.”

“Miss Wolfe, stop touching that.”

*snickers* It's just so impossible not to touch wounds...X_x

Well, I found this chapter very enjoyable! I wish you luck with the next one!

-;157;

P.S. I liked the thing with Angel and the Gym sign....XDDD

Yami Ryu
1st December 2005, 8:20 PM
Well, here it is, a bit late but done finally.

Tale; No, Angel doesn't understand Hades that way, I took a leaflet out of RSE and XD for a translating device for pokemon, Angel has one of the two devices that have been made, prototypes really, and as you can see, Angel got the faulty one XD, but you did a good guess anyways Tale *throws a cookie at Tale*

Brinstar; Yep, it's revealed near the end of the chapter.

Typhlogirl; Yeah, I know that was a shiny Sneasel. Belle's two pokemon are both shiny, and it's revealed why later on in the story.

And so glad everyone else that reviewed liked the chapter as much as you three did, anyways, without much further adu, (or however it's spelt) I present the next chapter!

Rating: PG-13
For Battle Violence and a trainer's wandering mind





Chapter Five
Fierce battle of Fire and Ice! [The conclusion!]


The pokemon the Gym Leader had thrown out, formed first. Looking like a giant body-less head of some ghoul or demon. Bright blood red eyes stared emotionlessly at the enemy as it formed, while near ear like black spikes jutted out near the top of its white skin like ice covering, and equally black patches of rock showed in a few places that ice seemed unable to cover, while a demon-esque mouth pulled into a grin.

And at that, Angel wondered when rocks got mouths. Maybe Glalie's were really ghost enchanted rocks thanks to poor souls lost in a winter wasteland where Glalie's were said to appear.

“Glaaaaie,” the ice type rasped out, voice sounding like gravel being scraped against a chalkboard and caused everyone but the gym leader to flinch from the berating sound.

“Hades, quickly, use Metal Claw!”

The Charmeleon seemed to have not heard the comand as he drew a deep intake of breath; tail flaring and seemed to grow even brighter as he got ready to attack with an elemental blast of flame, against his trainers orders.

The Gym Leader, whos name is Belle, let her head dip slightly, near white hair covering her sunglass hidden eyes, and she smirked. “Do your thing, Shadow,” she told the ball of frozen water and gathered minerals.

The Glalie gave another harsh cry before starting to spin around quickly, tilting in an axis and sending its horns crashing into nearby ice and splintering it quiet nicely, before it seemed to get caught up in the rushing wind surrounding the pokemon.

As the Charmeleon let off a powerfull rush of sparks from his mouth towards the Glalie, the ice type unleashed the fury it had been gathering. The Icy Wind attack was suddenly hurled off from the Glalie and towards the Charmeleon. Arrogantly the fire type thought his flames would overcome the ice...

And Angel hoped it would...

But both were wrong.

Ice and Fire met. The fire melted the ice, but the wind continued to drive forward, and while the melted ice, now water, vanquished some of the flames, not all were doused as they were swept up too; bringing home a shattering rain of water, ice and fire back onto the Charmeleon.

Hades screamed in pain as the water struck his skin and seemed to burn it, steam started to rise up where it wasn't able to roll off his scaled skin quick enough. Angel cried out the name of her pokemon, but it was drowned out by Belle's own voice as she comanded the Glalie to attack again.

And it did so without mercy and with relish at causing even more pain to the fire type. The Glalie glew slightly as its mouth opened, and a ball of ice cold energy started to form between its scerated fang like teeth.

“Hades I know you're hurting, but you have to use Ember!”

The Charmeleon still continued to seem deaf to her words, instead snapping out of the pained stupor long enough to rush headlong at the powering up Glalie, left arm drawn back as his claws started to glow silver; showing he was powering up a Metal Claw slashing and not an Ember attack. “Hades, no!” Angel cried out in desperation, not understanding why Hades was disobeying her now of all times.

But her protests were useless as five feet from the Glalie, Hades had a full throttled Ice Beam unleashed full force onto him. A shriek of pain clawed and tore at the air as it fled the Charmeleon's mouth, and Angel was near tears as the pained cries seemed to lash at her soul. But the Glalie only seemed to feed off the pain of the Charmeleon and continued the relentless assault on the fire type.

When the chilly beam finally started to wear off, a paler Hades slumped to the ground a bit; steam rising off of his body as he panted harshly while bracing himself from complete collapse by the aid of his hands against the ice.

Angel went to grab Hades' pokeball from her belt to recall him, but Belle wasn't about to let a second forfit like that happen; “Shadow, finish it off! Skull Bash!”

“No! Stop!” Angel yelled out, her demeanor taking a one eighty as she had decided this had gone on long enough; she needed to become stronger to overcome this challenge in her journey to her goal. “This isn't fair!”

“Life never is fair, weakling!” Belle yelled out as the Glalie hurtled through the air. Time seemed to slow to a near standstill, and then Angel felt as if time itself stopped as the words echoed in her mind, before it restarted with a blood chilling crunch. Breath caught in her throat, all Angel could do was watch as Hades was struck and sent flying; blood and scales scattered into the air before dropping onto the Glalie and ice with soft plinks.

Then with a sickening thud, Hades himself hit the ice, and was still.

And with cold cruelty, Belle said; “And the winner, once again, is me.”

Angel didn't seem to hear what the gym leader said as she rushed across the icy field and to her fallen pokemon; heart in her throat the whole time as she didn't notice her left leg had struck one of the ice mounds and was sliced, or her hands as she used a rock to stop herself from striking the fire type as there was no other way to halt her hectic sliding spree.

“Hades! Hades wake up!” Angel cried out, going through this once before had been more than enough, and now, again; she'd been defeated and her pokemon were both hurt. Near tears, Angel recalled her Charmeleon, and left the gym with as much haste as her body would allow.


-

Watching from behind the glass as the Poke`nurse attended to her Charmeleon in the emergency room, Angel was filled with trepidation that she had thought was already done and gone with. But it seems that it had only lulled into a sleep when she was recovering in the hospital. And the sickening doubt returned once more.

‘Am I really weak?’ Angel thought to herself as she rested her forhead against the glass, eyes focused on Hades as she let a hand move to lay on the glass also, outwardly pushing her own injuries to the back of being taken care of as her worry revolved around Hades now while inwardly the tormoil was focused on what had happened recently, ‘... and if I am, do I deserve to become a dragon trainer?’

Moving away from the view into the operation going on in the room, Angel let her shoulders slump and gaze drop to the glaring white tile at her feet. It didn't help she didn't fully understand what Hades had been ranting over after the trans-unitTwo had finally broken, leaving her with un answered questions as to why he had rebled against her guidance in battle.

Glancing back up and over at the window, she watched the operation for a moment more before leaving the room. It was all too much, she had to focus on something else before her poor mind started to do more than ache a little.

With a sigh, she entered the reception room, or the main room, whichever it would or could be dubbed; where the small time healings usually were taken care of by the nurse at the desk. While thoses afflicted by more serious wounds, ailments and the ilk were whisked off and away by a Chansey, Blissey or another stand by human nurse. But she wasn't alone in the room like she had been when she first rushed into the building; a young man, around a few years her senior maybe, stood at the desk chatting with the pink haired woman while reciving back a couple of red and white pokeballs from her.

The nurse momentairly glanced over at Angel when she was done attending to the man, flashed her a smile and a wave before going through a door behind the desk, into another room, for suplise or something Angel could only guess. When she glanced away from the desk, the young trainer found it blocked by that of a chest. Quirking an eyebrow she glanced up, and grey met black. Now Angel, maybe wanting to hide the fact she found some guys attractive, as it could be a threat to her goal, or the chance she may have had brothers or an over protective father, and had been told stories of what guys really are like, but when that little heart flutter came up; it was stomped upon so well, it didn't even have a chance to live a second.

But she couldn't deny the fact, unlike 'costume boy', this guy was built better, seemed more like liquid steel than someone looking like they were made for blunt and brute force. He wore a tight fitting black shirt that really would leave nothing to the imagination on how trim he was, though a small part of Angel whined about the fact his matching pants sweats and not tights.

That whining voice was also quickly dealt with. Smited before another traitorous thought could be uttered. I am no bleeding heart romantic! she delcared inwardly to her body, wanting it to know for sure who ran the works here.

Though Angel didn't seem to hear it whine about the guys long hair, as black as his eyes, that was tied into a loose ponyta tail, it looked like silk, and unknowingly her hands twitched a little, wanting to find out if it was silk or really hair.

Finally going to speak, she'd been about to ask, or tell, the guy to get out of her way, but he beat her to the punch, “So, another one defeated by Belle?”

“... who?”

“Belle, she's the gym leader here. Not one for introductions, finds them ‘wastefull’ before a battle. She's the one I take it that is the reason you're here, if she defeated you.”

Angel twitched slightly and muttered darkly under her breath before answering; “It's a minor set back.” She told the man flatly, not liking how he was poking into her buisness, or seemingly trying to become her friend. “And stay outta my buisness,” she snapped at him, side stepping around the man and heading for the door.

“Hey! Slow down there miss, I don't even know your name,”

Angel paused in her storm out of the center. She knew this type, he'd follow her untill she threw him a bone ... or beat him with it. Or a Magikarp ... that didn't sound so bad though, she just happened to have a willing bludgeon...

“Angel.” She responded with after a moment as she turned around slightly.

Quirking an eyebrow slightly, and if Angel would admit it to herself, elegantly, he spoke again with a hint of humor on the tone, “Does the Angel have a last name?”

Angel scowled at the man, and he only laughed, taking that as a ‘no’ even if Angel was sending him a ‘go crawl under a Muk and die’ look. “The name's Embront, Embront Flare,”

“Who're you trying to be, James Bond?” Angel grumbled as she eyed the man warily as he shook his head.

“No, just a helpfull bystander to a trainer.” Embront said with a soft chuckle.

Speaking before thinking, or thinking deeply, as a thought of ‘maybe if I ask him one thing he'll go away’, she said; “Do you know of any electritions then?”

“Hmm...” Embront mused over the request with a thoughtfull look before nodding his head one sharply, “Yes, there's none in Cerulean, but Bill, he lives by Cerulean Cove, is a wonderfull electrition. Should know, fixes my Poke`gear every other week.” Embront gave a smile that held no guilt or shame at such mistreatment to his electronics.

Angel hadn't really been expecting an answer, but hid her gratitude with a gruff demand of the directions to get to Cerulean Cove.

Embront Hmm'd again, looking Angel up and down slightly as he ‘thought’, “First you have to head north to ‘Nugget Bridge’, and after a few scuffles, or not, depends on if any trainers are milling about there, you head to ‘Pine Pass’ and take a right, going left leads to a dead end. Continue going that way, take anoter right, and after a few more minutes of walking, you'll be on the sandy beach of the cove, Bill's is the only place there. And it's not hard to miss,”

Angel hesitated a moment, just making sure she got it all down, before muttering a thankyou out to Embront, and quickly left. Embront watched her leave, before a slight smile toyed with his mouth, “She has spark that one...”

The girl that had caught his interest though, had thought he was already in the past now as she quickly headed to the north of town at a ground eating pace, not worried about trainers as she was armed with something no one would expect to be dangerous; a Magikarp, and the knowledge now that Caim could really battle on his own... though she'd still ‘help’ him fight.

She would get to Bill's, get him to fix the Trans-unitTwo, and find out why Hades was acting like he was. ... then she would take .. Belle .. on again. And win this time.

Narrowing her eyes, Angel felt determination burn through her blood once more, searing the doubt and fear away. Atleast for now, anyways.



To Be Continued in Chapter Six;
Nugget Bridge! The Road to Bill's!

Lady Myuu
2nd December 2005, 6:34 AM
You know, reading your writing is like watching a movie o.o but better!

anyway, good character devolpment, bad Hades for not obeying. But Hades seems to be the type to have a strong trainer and nothing else and if he sees Angel of showing a sign of weakness then thats my guess at why he wont listen. SHe isn't worthy to listen to atm.

... shesh Hades lighten up! >> and I don't mean your tail... *bad pun dies*

anyway...

<< >> *steals teh other hot guy now*

Sike Saner
3rd December 2005, 3:16 AM
Bah, I was late for more than one chapter! *cringes in shame*

Tasty gym action, and oh frell - Hades semi-comprehensibly chewing Angel out = priceless. I just love seeing a Pokémon chewing out a human. Gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling. ^^

ANDHOLYFREAKINGCRAPAGLALIEANDIT'SFRICKINGSHINY! *breathes* Sorry, Hades, but I cheered when the frosty little pretty won. *hugs Shadow* Oh, come on, look at my avatar! You know where my loyalties lie! *sighs, starry-eyed*

Anyway. Couple of highlights for you:


“Ow.”

“Miss Wolfe, stop touching that.”

Angel ignored the nurses orders, and continued to poke the large angry welt on her arm. Owing every few seconds.

Funny stuff. Made me think of Bart: "Ow! Quit it." Only Angel was doing her own bothering. XD


Cursing lightly under her breath, Angel picked up the knocked over sign and tried to fix the damage it seemed she had caused; never knowing it'd been ready to topple over at the first sign of a distressed trainer.

Giving up when it seemed to not be working, Angel went for the ‘I don't see any sign’ approach and would claim it was like this when she got here as she headed for the entrance to the large building.

*snort* Sounds like something I would do, actually...


“Karp!” The Magikarp let out before it seemed he had a siezure as his body suddenly jerked before the tail slammed into the ice; sending up a few small shards as his own ‘attack’ launched him into the air and above the Sneasel as the claws struck the ice where Caim had been moments ago. Shark let out a Sneasel version of ‘What!?’ as even his own trainer was taken aback.

Then the large orange fish landed on the Sneasel's head and bounced off as the pink dark type was sent crashing into the ice much like his claws had been.

What's the point of Splashing?

Well, now we know.


And at that, Angel wondered when rocks got mouths.

O_O *dies* I may never be able to look at Glalie quite the same now...


“Glaaaaie,” the ice type rasped out, voice sounding like gravel being scraped against a chalkboard and caused everyone but the gym leader to flinch from the berating sound.

OOH, COOL! Love that description. Creepy voices rule. *hugs Shadow again*


Still enjoying this, big time. Once again, kudos for using Glalie. ^____^ *hugs you...then hugs Shadow again, p*ssing him off*

Typhlogirl
4th December 2005, 11:07 PM
Wazoo!!

'nother good chapter. I found some minor mistakes:


The pokemon the Gym Leader had thrown out, formed first.

No need for a comma.


The Gym Leader, whos name is Belle

Should be 'was Belle'.

Now, quotes!!


“Life never is fair, weakling!” Belle yelled out as the Glalie hurtled through the air. Time seemed to slow to a near standstill, and then Angel felt as if time itself stopped as the words echoed in her mind, before it restarted with a blood chilling crunch. Breath caught in her throat, all Angel could do was watch as Hades was struck and sent flying; blood and scales scattered into the air before dropping onto the Glalie and ice with soft plinks.

Then with a sickening thud, Hades himself hit the ice, and was still.

My absolute favourite part in the WHOLE CHAPTER, I found that really beautiful. The description was perfect, and I could truly imagine Hades crashing down onto the ground after his blood and scales rained down on the Glalie. Nice. :) Plus the fact that Hades seems really serious about the 'rebellion' of his. Yummy. [rebellion freak/]


Narrowing her eyes, Angel felt determination burn through her blood once more, searing the doubt and fear away. Atleast for now, anyways.

Very good wording there, an appropriate end. But it should be 'at least'.

All in all, another good chapter. My favourite part, as I said, was the battle. That was very well described and carried out. Did I mention Belle rocks? Cuz she does. Awesome about her not wanting to waste time on intros. Argh, Belle is love. ^_~

Awaiting your next chapter eagerly! It should be great!

-;157;

Tale
9th December 2005, 4:23 PM
Reeeen!!

Told you I'd review ;D


Loved this chapter for such similar reasons to my other reviews. Developement was at a high, as usual, and I loved Embront and his intro.

Usually, it would take ages for a writer to admit their character's love for a guy, but you let it out straight away, really letting us delve deep into the mind of Angel - which really sticks to the way you've written the story.

I just love your battles! They are so much more real - shorter, but more intense and far more believable. I just loved the description during the battle with Glalie, and the injuries Hades suffered were so much more realistic.

I think you definately improved on description in this chapter, the battle was far more effective than usual - but then again, that could be because it was the most extreme so far.

Wll done with this, Ren, this fic's hold on me is impossible to break through o.o.

Yami Ryu
13th December 2005, 1:42 PM
Well, to let my reviewers know I live; I LIVE. REALLY.

And thanks a bunch for the reviews everyone, and don't worry, I haven't quit this or gone on hiatus. Inspiration just ran away and it's only now that I've finally caught the bugger, as I wasn't sure how to start chapter six, IE to battle or not to battle, or something like that. So I've started writing it now, already have a paragraph of it up, so it should be done, at the latest, this friday. Soonest could be later today or tomorrow.

And it's nice to know everyone is still so happy with my story XD or atleast bits and pieces appeal more than other parts, lets me know I didn't have to change anything of my style or story to get readers.

Yami Ryu
15th December 2005, 1:11 PM
And just like I promised everyone, here's the nect chapter! Rejoice!

Rating: PG-13
For Violence Using a Fish Pkmn, hints at swearing and Psychotic Mankey's named Bob





Chapter Six
Nugget Bridge! The Road to Bill's!




“Ow,” Angel murmured as her injuries still plauged her. She'd forgotten about them when she was in the pokemon center dealing with that guy after leaving Hades to be taken care of in the emergency room. But atleast the pain wasn't that bad now, just a dull aching throb that seemed to go right to the core of herself. Wincing a bit, she ran a hand over an arm, wishing the aches and pain would go away now; hadn't it been a bother long enough?

The gentle and hollow sound of her footsteps were the only things to reach her ears outside of the soft sound of waves splashing against the large, sturdy timber that seemed to sprout like deformed trees from the water and in which supported the bridge Angel walked upon to get to the other side. Most people would have trailed their hands on the railing or maybe stopped to turn and look out into the far off distance that could be a slight speck of the bay from this distance; but Angel didn't. Afraid of splinters or getting spotted by another trainer. For even though she wouldn't mind a battle, that didn't mean Angel wanted to get into a battle so soon.

Her last defeat still burned bitterly in her mind, and while she wasn't fearing another loss, Angel didn't want to wear down Caim in a battle so early in her journey to this ‘Bill’, who, silently she hoped, would fix her trans-unitTwo so she could get to the bottom of things as in; why was Hades disobeying her?

Closing her dark grey eyes, the young woman let the next salt laden breeze toy with her hair and clothing as she walked, choosing to try and enjoy the rest of her journey. And thus she failed to see the trainer that had spotted her untill a cry of “Hey, you, stop!” and a rock to the back of her alerted that someone was well, throwing rocks at her.

Yelping more from startlement then any real pain as the rock wasn't that big, Angel turned around; eyes narrowed and a hand on a pokeball already. And then Angel found herself eye to eye, or almost anyways, with a younger boy, his hands were on his hips as he glared at Angel, like she had just done the worst thing possible. “Oh this is great, I'm five minutes later to my shift and someone thinks they can sneak by me. Well that ain't happening old lady!”

Angel twitched.

“So old hag, are you going to apologize?!”

Angel felt her eye start to tick and she released Caim from his pokeball silently. The young lad didn't seem to notice something was up as he let his blonde haired head tilt to the side, “A Magikarp? You expect to defeat my pokemon with a- Hey, what are you doing?” He demanded, sounding as confused as he was on the inside. Angel just grinned a little as she swung the ‘Karp’ing Caim up and then down swiftly. Earning a pained cry from the nameless lad as he was sent spinning around nearly from the blow. “Old. Hag. THIS!” Snarled a slightly ticked off Angel as she swung again, sending the kid into the air and over the protective railing. “I hope you can swim!” She called down as he splashed into the water below.

Evidently he could not, as his frantic sputtering showed; but not to worry it seemed, as he managed to release a pokemon from a blue and white pokeball. And the shape of Angel's worst nightmare formed in it. A Squirtle. Angel Hated Squirtles. Even before choosing a Charmander, and having that bumbling idiot challenge her to a pokemon battle, thinking to win with a type... advantage...

Angel paused. And then almost slapped herself with Caim, “Oh I've been stupid. Stupid, stupid!” Angel snarled out under her breath as she moved away from the railing, recalling Caim as she did so. With a burst of red light the pokemon was sucked back into the ball. “How could I forget something like that so easily!” The auburn haired teen started to stomp about a bit, in the process of fuming for several moments before finally calming down. Though the teenager still retained the look that she'd bite someone's head off, or bash it in with her Magikarp, for a few more minutes as she started down the bridge once more.

The rest of the trip seemed to be turning into an uneventfull trek as she continued walking, slowly getting rid of the pent up rage in her system. Also occassionally yelling, that helped release the stress too. And scare a few Spearow that had settled onto the railing a few dozen yards from her; the brown feathered, pink winged flying types cawed harshly as they took off.

“Yeah, better run.” Angel grumbled as she slightly took notice of the activity, still lost in her own world for the moment.

The hollow thump/thud of her shoes striking the wood filled the air once again as she continued walking at a near lazy pace down the bridge. Sighing, Angel tilted her head back, looking up at the cloudless light blue sky. This was just a hurdle, she kept telling herself. A very long, annoying hurdle that had something at the finish line she desperately needed to continue her quest.

Yet again, getting distracted seemed to cause Angel to get into trouble as out of nowhere, seemingly, a trainer had appeared. And Angel walked into him. Sending herself and the other trainer tumbling down. Landing harshly on the wood, Angel grunted a bit as she slowly picked herself up; trying to ignored how her jarred body complained about pain and discomfort.

“What are you, blind?” The male trainer snapped out, wincing a little as he picked himself up. Only thankfull that he'd worn jeans today as atleast they had protected his legs from the un sanded timber.

“Maybe you should ask yourself that,” grumbled Angel as she started to dust herself off before glancing up, “so what do you want, a battle?”

He eyed Angel a moment before muttering a bit and moved to the side, and started back for Cerulean. “If you're smart you won't go that way. There's a really tough trainer ... he wiped the floor with my team with one pokemon.”

It was meant as a warning, but Angel didn't take it as one as she watched the brown haired teenaged male hurry towards the city. A small smirk played with her features. A strong trainer? This would be perfect for her to prove she wasn't a weakling or that her destiny really did lay in victory and not defeat... and especially now since she wouldn't let Belle take her down so easily again when she would re-battle the gym leader. ... if only Hades would listen to her...

With a sigh Angel started walking again, just keeping in mind now that once this was over, she'd find out what Hades was upset about and why he was disobeying her.


-

The sun was high in the clear blue sky when Angel finally came to the other side of the bridge. She hadn't seen, or run into, anyone else during the near hour long walk over the bridge. And it had been starting to creep Angel out, mostly as there was seemingly nothing alive out here. Aside from a few Spearow, and the absolute quiet that seemed to settle into the place was a little disturbing to Angel evidently, but she really didn't let it show much outside of a bit of relief shining in her grey eyes.

And for once it looked like, and appeared that she would get to do something without any sort of challenge. But Angel remembered the words of the nameless trainer. There was someone here with a powerfull pokemon. And when he did show up, as she stepped off the bridge, Angel didn't run into him, didn't get hit by a stone.

Nope. Not at all.

Angel just recived something very different.

“Bob! Another victim!”

“Maaaaaaaaankey!”

“What the fudging hell!?” Angel yelped as a chestnut haired man stepped out of the long grass and sicked a Mankey on her, the duo's eyes were the same black and glinted with something akin to insanity, or extreme mischief. The Mankey charged Angel and the young woman was forced to bolt back onto the bridge, feet pounding on the lumber as she ran for her life from the screeching, insane little monkey that chased after her. Beady eyes locked onto the human's form as its pig like snout twitched as it ran along on all fours, a furless tail (much like its arms, paws, legs and feet) swung behind a near cotton puff ball biege furred body.

“Man mankey!” It called out while chasing down Angel.

She'd barely made it thirty feet when she realised the Mankey was catching up, and her injured body wasn't going to be able to continue this for much longer; black spots already threatened to overthrow her vision. Half gasping, half panting for air as her lungs strained to supply the demand that was being put forth.

Grabbing Caim's pokeball, she maximized it and as she whirled around, chucked it forward with a sharp cry. “Come forth Caim!” Angel yelled out as the pokeball flew through the air. The Mankey didn't even have time to dodge as the red and white sphere slammed into its face, right between the eyes before pinging off and cracking open.

“Karp. Magi karp karp.” Caim announced stupidly as he stared about blankly, oblivious to any danger to him or his trainer as Angel hurriedly limped up to the fish pokemon, snagged him up by his tail and proceded to pound the stunned Mankey over the head. The monkey fighting type squeaked and squealed in surprise more than fear before bolting back to his stunned trainer, screeching all the way. This distracted Steven long enough for Angel to come up and smite him also, brandishing the Magikarp like a medival weapon.

“Wah! Mercy!”

“I. Don't. Think. So!” Angel growled out between gritted teeth as she smote the young man before her repeatedly untill with a wailing trail of ‘ow's’ and another yelp from ‘Bob’ the Mankey, he was gone. Leaving Angel half doubled over, holding Caim by the tail still, and panted heavily as she recovered from the bout of bashing. After several more minutes of recovering, Angel pulled herself up, bracing her back with one hand and letting Caim hang from the other, ‘Karping’ occasionally.

“This Bill better be able to fix this damn translation unit,” Angel grumbled to herself, and Caim (if he could understand her anyways) as she started to half walk, half limp in the direction of Bill's house. “Or he's going to get a Magikarp to the face.”




To Be Continued in Chapter Seven;
Pine Pass! The road to Bill's!

Sike Saner
15th December 2005, 7:59 PM
“So old hag, are you going to apologize?!”

Angel felt her eye start to tick and she released Caim from his pokeball silently. The young lad didn't seem to notice something was up as he let his blonde haired head tilt to the side, “A Magikarp? You expect to defeat my pokemon with a- Hey, what are you doing?” He demanded, sounding as confused as he was on the inside. Angel just grinned a little as she swung the ‘Karp’ing Caim up and then down swiftly. Earning a pained cry from the nameless lad as he was sent spinning around nearly from the blow. “Old. Hag. THIS!” Snarled a slightly ticked off Angel as she swung again, sending the kid into the air and over the protective railing. “I hope you can swim!” She called down as he splashed into the water below.

That got a cheer from me. Magikarp > All other blunt instruments.


“Bob! Another victim!”

“Maaaaaaaaankey!”

“What the fudging hell!?” Angel yelped as a chestnut haired man stepped out of the long grass and sicked a Mankey on her, the duo's eyes were the same black and glinted with something akin to insanity, or extreme mischief.

XD I just love Angel's response there. I think that's probably exactly what I'd say if someone just unleashed a weird, freaky monkey on me out of nowhere.

Angel's bad mood through much of the chapter put me in a good mood. Good things happen when people make the mistake of messing with her. ^_^ I sympathize with her, though - why does it seem like you can't get from one place in the Pok&#233;mon world to another without being accosted by some snot-nosed trainer? XD They should make a Repel that deters approaching humans...

Anyway, yeah, nifty chapter, there. ^_^

Lady Myuu
15th December 2005, 8:17 PM
.... I want to pwn with magikarp ;;

Man, caim is just BAM BAM BAM undeafetable. If she used him that way in the gym battle Belle would not have a chance.

:P made me giggle. wish I could give more of a review other then, woot magikarp sword.

... o.o Bob the mankey woot.

Psychic
17th December 2005, 11:56 PM
Sorry it took me so long to review. I know I promised I'd review it, and I’d been meaning to get to it sooner. >.<
Anyways:


I really like this fic. Really like it. Love it, really.

First of all, OHMIGAWD MAGIKARP PWNS! I absolutely LOVE the approach you’ve taken with Caim-unexpected and totally hilarious. And the way he has literally no idea what’s going on is like the icing on the ‘Karp cake. (Try saying that ten times.)

Angel is awesome. She really is. Her personality is wonderful, especially for her name. She is very well-developed (…NOT IN THAT WAY) and has a realistic personality. Her reactions are just like those of any other person her age, also being really funny at the same time. For instance:

Giving up when it seemed to not be working, Angel went for the ‘I don't see any sign’ approach and would claim it was like this when she got here as she headed for the entrance to the large building.
How many people DON’T do that sort of thing?

But what I really loved was:

Angel ignored the nurses orders, and continued to poke the large angry welt on her arm. Owing every few seconds. She found it hard to resist, even with the pain factor, and the poking continued.
That just took the cake! It’s like me and Angel share the same mind. POKING FOR THE SAKE OF POKING! *gets out pokey stick* POKE!

You do a good job making her react to situations and show that as strong and outgoing as she is, she can’t always stop things from spinning out of control.
It’s also great that she achieves her goals through hard work and not in a Mary-Sue-ish fashion, like when she gets the Aerodactyl egg. (I think my heart forgot to beat a few times during that scene-well done!)

And lol for Bob the insane Mankey.


This fic is really great, but I think that you need to proofread it more carefully, especially because you said the program you use isn’t very effective. So, here’s what I found:


And whild Magikarp could survive a damn long time with little moister,
I have no idea why you spelled ‘wild’ with an ‘h’. Really, I don’t.
Usually you don’t say ‘a damn long time’. Usually, it’s ‘a helluva/hell of a long time’. :P



Angel turned slightly and after a few breath taking moments of shuffling about in the darkness; the trainer found herself in another tunnel. And prayed this one got her out of here faster then a days travel.
‘Breathtaking’; one word, not two.
Semicolon should be a comma.
Never start a sentence with ‘and’. Either way, it doesn’t make much sense. Try to reword the sentence.



It was one thing to find an Aerodactly, but it was another thing to find something other trainers had over looked! It wasn't uncommon knowledge that fossiles could now be ‘revived’,
The ‘y’ comes before the ‘l’ in ‘Aerodactyl’.
‘Overlooked’. One word.
It’s spelt ‘fossils’, no ‘e’.



But it seemed the blonde haired man wouldn't be rescued from his thoughts anytime soon as a memory flickered too life.
It should be ‘to’, not ‘too’.



“What is the meaning of this Mandy!?”
Comma before ‘Mandy’.



“George over here over here!”
It ought to be ‘’George, over here, over here!” but I think it’s a pretty crappy sentence. I think “Over here, George, over here!” would be better.



It didn't help words echoed inside her mind,
Should be ‘It didn't help THAT words echoed inside her mind,’



‘Am I really weak?’ Angel thought to herself as she rested her forhead against the glass,
‘Forehead’, with an ‘e’.



flashed her a smile and a wave before going through a door behind the desk, into another room, for suplise or something Angel could only guess.
It’s spelt ‘supplies’, actually.
COMMA ABUSE! All those commas aren't needed.



But atleast the pain wasn't that bad now, just a dull aching throb that seemed to go right to the core of herself.
Split ‘atleast’ into two words.
Try ‘the core of her very being’ instead. It sounds better and more impressive.


(And one more thing. If Angel thinks in her head, either CONSTANTLY use Italics or don't use them at all. Just be constant with your choice.)



Anyways, this is a really amazing fic. I can not wait to see what happens, especially with the Aerodactyl egg, which is apparently missing in action. I can not wait to see how things turn out for Angel, and I sincerely wish that Caim could stay the way he is forever.

Keep up the awesome work, Ren!

~Psychic

Saffire Persian
20th December 2005, 12:27 AM
Mmm.. up to chapter five now! XD.. Decided to skip on the 'review every chapter part' as with my reading habits, I'd NEVER get it done.. I'm also not in a criticizing mood. 0_o.. One day, I'll give you some semblance of a good review.

Right now, I'm shot. XD


Angel ground her teeth, and silently wished Caim would flop mindlessly within reach so she could smite Hades, and get up; even with painkillers she had recived before leaving, her body was starting to protest this activity of being sat upon very much.

Smite is such a lovely word - I loved that very paragraph for that reason - besides the fact I got to imagine the Magikarp being used as a bludgeoning object again.

Props to you for using Sneasel - one of my favorite Pokémon to grace the earth.. 0_o... but bigger props for pulling out a successful Splash attack.. XD... Got a kick out of it.

Many is also turning out to be an interesting character - it's also nice that a writer actually thinks of the hazards of training some types of Pokemon - Tentacruel for instance, and put it in the narrative.

Bleh - substandard review, I know.. But yeah... Nice job! I'm enjoying it.

Typhlogirl
7th January 2006, 6:32 AM
Arghblargh I'm late.

Another fine, if yet short, chapter! The fact that Angel went all out with the pwnage on that little kid made me feel very happy. There are SO many little kids I want to hit with blunt objects...stupid brats....*rants*

Speaking of that Magikarp, is he getting battle experience from being used as a bludgeon? [/randomquestion]

Bob. That was one scary Mankey. Heh, if it had attacked me, I probably would have fallen off the bridge. Angel's reaction was much more dignified. However, I didn't understand this-


The monkey fighting type squeaked and squealed in surprise more than fear before bolting back to his stunned trainer, screeching all the way. This distracted Steven long enough for Angel to come up and smite him also, brandishing the Magikarp like a medival weapon.

Erm...who be Steven? O_o

All in all, a great sixth chapter, and seven is eagerly awaited!!

Regards,

-;157;

Manulya
10th January 2006, 12:53 AM
Ok Ive read almost all the fics on here and to be honest most suck. But yours, wow. Possibly the best one here or at least one of the best. Love the use of Magikarp-thats how a Magikarp should be used. Didnt really like the name at first but Im getting used to it. Just a guess but are the pokemon on your banner Angels final team? Cant wait til the next one.

Yami Ryu
13th January 2006, 4:06 PM
Yes I am a horrible person, I didn't reply to my reviews or update sooner ;;

and O__o wow 6 reviews. Which I will answer um, now with yes's, no's and most likely was the cause of me seeing it perfectly and forgetting that while my mind can see things perfectly, you the readers, can not.

Anyways, once again I am sorry for making you all wait for this chapter to come. I was trying to find insperation for this next chapter, as it was basically a filler chapter, and well, filler chapters suck and then when I was playing Leaf Green, there was a show on and I was all O_o hello Muse, thy name is TV!

Rating: PG-13
For Kicking and Kitten 'disposal'





Chapter Seven;
Pine Pass! The road to Bill's!

Angel was slowly begining to hate this place. That trainer with the Mankey, whom she later learned the name of (which was Steven) seemed to be part of a milita or gang of of people that didn't seem to take kindly to someone that really was ‘breaking’ the rules. Which was Angel using Caim as a blunt object of devistation and fear unto others.

Though Angel couldn't see that as such a bad thing...

Sighing, the young woman glanced to the large orange fish she held in one hand, “Well Caim, what do you think we should do now?”

“Karp?”

Rolling grey eyes, she turned her focus back to the path.

‘I am not hiding .. I am not. I'm strong, I don't need to hide… I'm just avoiding three psycho trainers.’ Angel grumbled to herself, and tried to ignore how the grass itched her legs, arms and face. But she and Caim were safe, that was the important thing.

Letting out a second sigh, Angel allowed her mind to roll back to how this began…

Angel had been grumbling about this Bill for a little longer as she left the bridge, then meandered about a little; trying to get the limp out of her system then remember which way she needed to go. Upon remembering the direction, she headed off in it.

For a few minutes, the walk seemed like it was going to be several things; long, boring and pretty much uneventfull. Though there was another element that was going to be added that Angel had no warning for, or knowledge of.

And that was the ‘Kanto Trio’, otherwise known as three very crazy trainers that cared less about the rules than Angel did when using her Magikarp. Though if someone did what they did back to them, well, the three could whine faster than you could say ‘Doduo’. Then snap back twice as nasty as before.

But Angel was unaware of this, and continued on; happily enough to get to her destination, get her item fixed, and get back to the pokemon center before Hades woke up and realised she wasn't there.

Angel did not want to be sat upon. Ever again.

So the humming Angel was unaware she was being stalked as she wandered down the (thankfully) clearly marked path, though if she had been aware she was being stalked, let lone by that crazy Mankey trainer, she would have split faster than you could say ‘Goldeen sticks’.

‘How do I defeat Belle… unless Hades listens to me, we'll be throughly and soundly thrashed again… if he would atleast listen a little, we could stand a chance..’ A sigh slipped past her lips as she let the thought trail off. Even if Hades wouldn't listen to her in battle, for however long, she'd have gotten this damn translation unit fixed finally, so she would know why he was ignoring her and acting rebelious.

So lost in her thoughts and ponderings, Angel never saw the three trainers that seemed to appear from thin air before her. But she did feel them as she bumped into the middle one.

“Oooow,” Angel muttered as she stumbled back, hands grasping at her throbbing nose as fingers tentively searched to make sure nothing was broken and that there was no blood. Which she found neither, it just hurt like hell.

“This pathetic thing is what beat you Steven!?” A harsh and nasal voice cut through Angels misery over a bruised nose and her battered body. “What did she do, flash you then hit you?”

Fury twitched in Angel's mind as her blood got heated. She didn't like the insulting she was reciving, not one bit. “Hey! How about I-” Angel faltered in her threat as she saw she was eye level with a chest. A bare chest. Well, it was bare save for the fact that there was a large tattoo of a dark type covering most of it. And what wasn't tattooed was hairy.

‘... ew.’

Craning her head back as she let one arm fall to her belt to grab Caim's pokeball; Angel (sorta) came face to face with the one that was acting as if she was a little flea that shouldn't be taken seriously, or just dealt with by flicking away with a single finger.

He looked like a giant, and was built like one too. A small part of Angel felt like this guy could squash her flat; and it took all of her will power to not back away a few steps in an attempt to get out of smashing range.

The guy didn't look that old, maybe in his late twenties; and sported shaggy blonde-white hair, bright yellow-green eyes, and Angel just happened to spot the necklace with a pokeball around the guys neck.

His strange colored eyes narrowed as he bent down a bit, more to Angel's eye level, and faintly she could hear the other two snickering in the back ground behind this giant of a man. “How about you what, little girl?” Still nameless guy snidely snapped out.

Dread filled Angel, making her think this was a bad, bad thing she had stumbled onto. But she wasn't about to back down from a fight; turn tail and run. She was going to face this brute down. Then make haste to Bill's. She wasn't being cowardly. Nope.

As quick as her body would allow, Angel shifted her hand and grabbed an empty pokeball with an exclimation of ‘This!’ and threw it at the guy, hitting him right between the eyes. He let out a half snarl half growl of ‘Stupid girl!’ right before Angel landed a kick between his legs, earning a sound akin to that of an injured Tauros before he doubled over and fell onto his side mewling like a newborn babe.

Snapping her gaze to the other two, she quickly released Caim and brandished him onto the other two with a “Boo!”

“Yaaaah!” The pair screamed at the same time and bolted off.

Allowing Angel time to get away from the scene of the crime.
-

So now, here she was, hiding out in the bushes and tall grass a way off from the path. Angel was also trying to ignore the Caterpie that had decided that her hair was a good hiding place from Spearow. While Angel normaly would have relocated the bug from her head as soon as possible, she was afraid to move, not wanting to be spotted.

Though if Angel had for-warning over what would happen with her being still, or staying here; she might have moved on .. might have. Well she probably wouldn't have, but still, Angel wouldn't have minded a bit of warning about what she was going to jump headfirst into.

Whistling was caught by her ears first, and she drew herself into as small a crouch as possible; Angel didn't want to have even the smallest possiblity of being seen. And to the casual observer it might have just been a wild pokemon rustling the brush.

It took a few moments for the whistler to catch up with the whistling. From her perch, Angel was able to make out the figure was a woman, and really didn't look like she belonged out walking about on a road in the middle of no-where. Not in a dress, high heels and a hat that looked like something out of an old horror movie. Or maybe a romance drama- Angel shook her head a bit to clear that train of wondering from her mind and the Caterpie gave a slight squeak as it was dislodged and sent off her head.

Caim just ‘Karp’ed softly from her hand.

Angel just ignored this and continued to watch silently as the woman stepped off the path, carefully making her way through the brush towards the water's edge. And it was now Angel took note of a large sack the woman held.

‘Maybe she's digging for shellder...’ Angel mused to herself. But something seemed off, the bag sort of wiggled a little. It just, didn't feel right.

As the woman unslung the sack from over her shoulder, and started to swing it a little to gain momentum, Angel knew it wasn't shellder the woman was hunting, but it still didn't explain why she was out here? ‘Why did I think she was hunting for shellder anyways? There's no 'beach'-’

Her thoughts were rudely interupted as a screamed chorus of “Meowth!” tore at the air in fright and desperation. It felt like her heart froze mid beat as the breath caught in her throat, leaving Angel hanging in shock. Had the woman just done what Angel thought she had done?

Another “Meowth! Meooow!” came crying from the sinking bag and then it was out of sight. And that seemed to cause Angel to get into action; not even thinking about it the girl flew from her hiding space and to the water. Not caring if the woman saw or not, not caring if those three dorks spotted her. All her instincts seemed to be awakened and they screamed the primal urge of motherly protection!

Which is why it was only when Angel splashed down into the water after one hell of a jump and dive; did she remember she could not swim.

Splashing and flailing about, and seemingly facing the same fate as the Meowth in that bag, it caught Angel by surprise when a strong and steadly tug from her left hand came and her sinking was halted. Coughing and sputtering as she reached the surface, she found her rescuer was Caim.

A lowly Magikarp had saved her. And all Angel could think about for the moment, was that Caim was the best five hundred bucks she spent. Yes, a five hundred dollar life saver. And Angel no longer would complain about the price of things.

Or atleast while she remembered this incident.

“Caim!” Angel shouted out before half sputtering and half gagging from seawater getting into her mouth. The Magikarp karp'ed again as he continued to putter along doing his own thing, but he was listening a little to his trainer. “Dive, fish, dive!” Angel got out before sucking in a deep lungfull of air as the Magikarp dove into the water, pulling his trainer with him.

Angel cracked her eyes open a little, trying to ignore the sting of the salt water in her eyes as she kept a firm grip on the Magikarp. She couldn't chicken out now, she had a bag of pokemon to save.

Scanning the water and pushing the building need for oxygene away, she continued the search- then spotted the sack. Managing to direct Caim towards the still slightly moving bag on the ocean floor. Snatching it as the Magikarp swum past, Angel moved her hand and arm down, pointing the orange fish pokemon towards the surface. And like a mini torpedo, the fish took off.

Seconds stretched into eternity and Angel felt blackness creeping into her vision, her lungs were burning, her eyes felt like sandpaper had been taken to them. And the various injuries she had obtained before were now a constant ache in the back of her mind.

The darkness ebbed closer, and her grip around Caim started to slip…

AIR. It was like a scream in her mind, just breath in, her body so badly wanted to breath- suddenly her head and shoulders came shooting out of the water. Coughing and gagging as a small breeze struck her face, Angel greedily sucked in air as the Magikarp deligently continued to swim, thankfully Caim was pointed to the shore; or what could be considered the shore, it was just a place that was shallower before the sudden and abrupt (but small) cliff.

Hacking and coughing still as Caim helped deposit her onto the ‘shore’, Angel attacked the sack that was just barely moving, a bit thankfull the sack had seemingly been woven so tightly, that maybe no water had gotten in… Angel just had gotten the sack open when she suddenly found herself faced with a problem.

A Fuzzy problem.

Many fuzzy problems.

Infact it seemed atleast fifteen fuzzy problems ranging in size, age, and coloration.

But all were loud.

And all the Meowth kittens, the single Meowth and a half grown one seemed to have felt the urge to have their claws become aquainted with Angel's already abused body.

“… ow.” Whimpered Angel as she tried to keep from screaming in pain.

It seemed Angel had gone from trainer to kitten rescuer in a moment. And was paying the price for it.



To Be Continued in Chapter Eight;
Of Kittens and Technitions! The road to Bill's!

Lady Myuu
13th January 2006, 9:26 PM
So now, here she was, hiding out in the bushes and tall grass a way off from the path. Angel was also trying to ignore the Caterpie that had decided that her hair was a good hiding place from Spearow. While Angel normaly would have relocated the bug from her head as soon as possible, she was afraid to move, not wanting to be spotted.


<< >> I love this one. I dun know I just like caterpie there so cooooooote. <3


Loved the chapter, your style is soo interesting XD You can be amusing and serious all in one chapter. o.o your chapters are kinda short though... ;; I want to read mooore.

anyway, um... keep it up yeah.

Kiyohime
13th January 2006, 10:13 PM
XD So you did use the kitty-tree idea! What a classic image. X3 *loves kitties...sadly*


Meowths just don't get enough attention. D:


A lowly Magikarp had saved her. And all Angel could think about for the moment, was that Caim was the best five hundred bucks she spent. Yes, a five hundred dollar life saver. And Angel no longer would complain about the price of things.

This part, I love.


Caterpie gave a slight squeak as it was dislodged and sent off her head.

Poor little feller. XP

I liked this chapter, but I couldn't believe that woman...how dare she throw a sack of Meowth kittens in the water. >_< Will the reason be explained later, or is it just an act of random, casual sadism?

Yami Ryu
13th January 2006, 10:29 PM
Myuu, I'm happy you liked the Caterpie bit, that was one of my fave parts too XD

Scrap, yeah, it'll be explained later, not in the next few chapters, but soon enough. Probably on the re-visit to Cerulean or when Angel gets to Celadon. And the Kittie-tree was a good idea, I just couldn't pass it up.

Or the chance to further torment poor Angel. She hates me so now XD

Kiyohime
13th January 2006, 10:37 PM
If Angel hates you so, imagine how much the Magikarp must hate you, then. X)

Sike Saner
14th January 2006, 3:19 AM
“This pathetic thing is what beat you Steven!?” A harsh and nasal voice cut through Angels misery over a bruised nose and her battered body. “What did she do, flash you then hit you?”

XD Oh, I shouldn't have laughed at that...but I did. XP

And KITTIES! Fwee, the kitties are saved....but uh-oh. XD There is no ferocity quite like KITTY-BRAND ferocity. Yep, that situation went from "OH MY GOD!!!!" to "....Ha ha ha ha, cute!" And I do so love emotional rollercoasters, so kudos. ^^

Saffire Persian
14th January 2006, 3:36 AM
Meowths don't get much attention... Never were truer words spoken. XD Ever. The Poor Meowth, though.. being an avid feline fan.. the very thought of somebody trying to drown one..

xD.. Agony, really. And it makes me happy Angel saved.. all fifteen of them 0_o... or I think I would be permanently scarred, here. Still, nothing beats Kitty ferocity.

Before I go on: oxygene .. um.. it's Oxygen.. 0_o.. Spellchecker should've picked up that one, but meh.

There were many moments that I enjoyed, mainly the "Dive, fish, dive!" XD.. And the flashing comment.

Priceless that.

Lady Myuu
14th January 2006, 3:53 AM
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y253/LollyMyuu/dontthrowthepie.jpg

looks like the pokemon rights group are onto Angel! quick hide the meowth!

erm. :P I also meant to point out, eew hairy chested man with tatoos << >> well nothing against tattoos its the hairy kind that get me.

bobert12345
14th January 2006, 4:13 AM
[QUOTE=Renegade]









[FONT="Lucida Console"]Chapter One
Magikarp vs Mightyena




“This is the way we train the ‘karp, train the ‘karp, this is the way we train the ‘Karp as it knows nothing,” Angel muttered to herself as she held the large light orange and grey finned pokemon at the base of the tail and swung the hapless fish. A yelp of pain escaped into the air, but it wasn't from the Magikarp that just blinked it's blank eyes, letting out a monotone ‘Magi?’ as a Geodude tumbled across the graveled surface of the cave floor and only came a stop when it rolled into a pile of sand a ways off from Angel.

Snorting, Angel let her left hand fall away from helping hold the Magikarp like a bat and rested it against her hip. “Pathetic. Even without a water attack, this thing still is better than half the pokemon here.” Grumbled the auburn haired, grey eyed teenager as she glared about the cavern.

“Char. Charmeleon char.” Hades said from Angels’ side.

Glancing down at the blood red pokemon, Angel sighed, “No Hades, we are not going catch one of these weaklings. You do not have to worry about having a pathetic partner.”

“Meleo mel char.”

Angel growled and glared at Hades before focusing her attention on Caim and finally held him the right way, and not like a blunt object to bludgeon things to death with. “Caim is not weak. He's defeated a trainer, several Geodudes and some Zubats. Does this look like something weak?” Angel almost cooed out, and scratched Caim on the head.

“Magikarp, Magikarp. Karp magikarp.” Was all she recived and Hades snickered and said something equivalent to ‘No but he is stupid’, only the remark got Hades a crack upside the head, but he was used to the pops by now, they weren't painfull, and it showed his trainer wasn't weak or afraid of his kind like the other trainers were.

Muttering to herself about mostly non important things, Angel brushed a reddish-brown strand of hair out of her eyes while tapping a shoe protected foot lightly against the cave floor. With her free hand Angel pulled the map out of a pocket, and snapped it open. “Lets see...” Angel grumbled as she skimmed over it. “If we continue this way... go down next the tunnel we come across, and take it all the way to the end.. we'll be out of here by nightfall. Or daybreak. Whichever is about to happen in a few hours.”

“Char.”

“Oh stop complaining. The longer we're here, the more you get to stay out.” Angel snapped out at the dry remark from the Charmeleon, as she stuffed the map back into her pocket with out a hint of grace or care about the whole process.

I'm not trying to be mean or anything but some of the compliments you received about description were spot-on about some aspects but this definitely disturbed me. You seem like someone who likes honesty and I'm being completely honest and not rude. Up until that point, I didn't even know Angel had pockets or for that matter, what she was wearing, or even how she looks. What color is her skin? What does her body figure look like, short or tall, fat or skinny? It almost seemed like the only physical trait you cared about was her grey eyes and her auburn hair, when really we don't know whether or not she has any imperfections or even what she is wearing.

Other than that, I love it so far. I love Angel's attitude, style, and the pokemon she uses. (Hehehe) So other than drawing a pair of grey eyes and auburn hair with a fierce attitude, I'd at least like to know what she is wearing or her other physical traits.


Really good job though :)

Yami Ryu
14th January 2006, 6:41 AM
bobert: maybe if you instead of quoting half a chapter and read all 8 of them, you'd start to get a better picture of what Angel looks like -_- But whenever she feels like posing infront of a Mirror and showing off her assets or something, I'll go into J.R.Tolkien style detail of giving a picture of what Angel looks like. As right now I focus on everything, not one thing Edit: *smacks bobert* bad star abuser, bad. Couldn't you have left well enough alone and went to vote on something else? >_> was just starting to think that problem had finally left.

Myuu: XD at that pic and yes ew. I think that's why Angel went ew. Or maybe it was just the tattoo

Saffire: Really, it's Oxygen? O_o I was told it was Oxygene .. hn, guess I was lied too, anyways I don't use a spellchecker, as well, dun have one XD but I made sure to try and catch/prevent typos this time around o.o

Sike: So glad you and others love this chapter XD as I really put alot of effort into it. And espeically since I made you all wait so long

Scrap: Maybe .. maybe he just has brain damage atm and won't remember. Cause if otherwise, he'd squish lil ol me XD

bobert12345
14th January 2006, 3:56 PM
I did read all 8 chapters. You're right though, as the chapters progress than you'll get a better idea of how she looks but really I think its important to at least know what she is wearing or her other important feautures.

The reason why I quoted only half was to prove that up untill that point the reader didn't even know she had pockets. I know, I know I'm a bad quoter *smack myself* so i'll work on that if you stick a mirror somewhere. Afterall, not alot of people like to imagine a pair of floating grey eyes and floating auburn hair (hehehe)

Thanks for listening though and I can't wait untill you review episode 2 of my fic (coming soon) *shudders in fear of a bad review*

p.s (I didn't give you a bad star, I didn't even vote but if you listen to me I'll give you 5/5:) ).

Yami Ryu
14th January 2006, 4:10 PM
Bobert: I don't care about the raitings, it's just I had thought finally the attack of stars would be over.

And if you can't imagine the basics of a female/woman/teenager of the feminine variaty without being told every little detail down to how the wind toys with her auburn locks and lashes, then you really have a weak imagination.

I am not going to bog down, in one monsterly long paragraph, how my character looks, how she dresses, what the color of everything she's dressed in, or etc. Because I don't like writing like J.R.Tolkien. And if you can't tell I was being sarcastic about the mirror comment -_- then go ahead and imagine Angel as floating eyes and hair.

Naraku_Diabolos
14th January 2006, 9:10 PM
I kinda find your fanfic a bit dull. You sound like Claire Cleary's boyfriend from Wedding Crashers, going on about how otters are so cute. Cats sicken me. I prefer the brave nature of a dog than a manipulating mind of a feline.

As much as I hate to say this, YOUR fanfic doesn't appeal to me. It's funny and charming, but I'm more of the hardcore, action-type. I thirst for violence and blood including plot twists (such as Tales of Symphonia, which keep you guessing) and tender moments like in drama movies such as A Walk To Remember. Even if it had teenager moments and then peaceful moments.

Pros: Comedy, drama, action. Needs some more serious comedy, but I find your comedy to be one hell of a good trip. I enjoy it.
Cons: Cutesy moments that are quite sickening. Like over-appreciation over a certain Pokemon.

On the other hand, I can't wait for it to get even better than it is. VERY good start, though. And I *really* do enjoy the plot. Good work. Even if it has some minor things that need improving, it's a great story so far.

Yami Ryu
14th January 2006, 9:22 PM
Naraku, I bet like Bobert, you are only even reading my story because of my review to yours so long ago. If you're gonna come here with a grudge, gtfo. I don't need `em. I might've said I didn't mind flames or whatnot (grudge posts included) in my first post, but I've changed my mind since the 'star rating war' my fic got into a few months ago.

Now, since I never watched wedding crashers, I won't take that to heart. Secondly, Angel never went on about anything, on how Meowth, Caim, Hades or Sneasel and Glaile, infact, she hasn't yet called ANY pokemon cute. Or maybe she has. But has she evidently prattled on about it like this character from the movie has?

No.

Have I?

No.

And over apriciation of a certian pokemon? What, Magikarp? What, Meowth? What, Charmelon? Atleast it's not a shiny right off the bat for a trainer. Now, please, as I've said before. You're only doing this most likely because of the review I gave you.

And I'm not gonna take your hints to make it 'better' 'faster'. The story already has enough drama moments like that in it's future. I'm intitled in taking my own leisurly pace in getting there. For need I remind, if you even read all the chapters, that there is a psychotic Maxie running around, and he has killed people before.

So as I suggested to Bobert, please read All eight chapters. And you should remember like I remember: You can't please everyone. No water off my back my story doesn't please you. Shouldn't be any water off your back your story didn't please me.

Naraku_Diabolos
14th January 2006, 10:19 PM
The Absol was never a shiny to begin with. It's a brown coloration. If you READ the little info stating about Adam and his characteristics in the Prologue, you would've read what the appearance of his father was. Brown hair and blue eyes.

And I don't give a rat's a** about an uuber Magikarp since they are only good for Fishermen Pokemon. Charmeleon, is a good choice. Meowth? I dislike cats but I admire feline prowess such as stealth and dexterity.

Maxie isn't psychotic unlike the anime, games and manga. He's more sly and cunning. He's cool in demeanor. Archie is the one who's psychotic because he wants domination over the planet while Maxie wants the same yet he wants the world to be better for humans and Pokemon. Archie wants to flood the lands in order to demolish everything humans and Pokemon stand for.

And lastly, I've talked with several mods about your harsh remarks. You're such a b*tch with the way you act. Dragonfree can't do anything about you because you aren't breaking any rules. However, if you continue to be a wretch to everyone on the FanFiction forums, laugh, mock, tease, and pull apart the minor things in other peoples' stories saying about how bad they are, you're a sorry b*tch who doesn't have any friends at all because of the way to you act towards others.

You need to get off your f*cking high horse and stop being a low life person. It's amazing how you survive in these forums without anyone in real life to hunt you down and beat you up for the way you treat others online. If I did that, I would go kung-fu on your a** and break your bones to dust. You disguss me.

GROW UP YOU LITTLE BRAT!

Yami Ryu
14th January 2006, 10:51 PM
And where does it say I have to make Maxie act like he does in the anime? I took it from Emerald for his personality. He was going to use Rocket Fuel to BLOW UP a VOLCANO.

Sane people, do not do that.

And I was right, you reviewed because of a grudge. And you call me the brat? I haven't flamed you, nor attacked you. Infact I left your fic alone because I was un interested in it the first time around, and this time around too.

Naraku, you call me the flamer yet you come here, bash me, bash how I review, bash my fic and pokemon choice, bash their personalities, bash the plot, everything, because it's not like your fic. Because it's not 'perfect' or something. And if you don't like me, then please, don't review my things, don't bother me, don't pm me like you did with that prolouge.

And while you may think you are high and mighty thinking you have Dragonfree on your side, I have friends. And they don't like it when I'm flamed -_-

So I'm reporting you to Sandra Dragon Eye aka Zephyr Flare. A Super mod that can Ban You.

Naraku, you disgust me. Surely as an author you know when there's a time to be harsh, a time to be curtious, and a time to not flame another author over their reviewing style. Thank you so much for spamming my thread.

Really.

Edit: And as you said, I'm not breaking the rules. But you are.

Zephyr Flare
15th January 2006, 12:09 AM
You however are rule rbeaking, swearing and flaming amongst them of course.

Grasp this concept, AU aka Author's Universe. If fanfictions were written to that utter trash that is the anime plot the writer's universe would quite simply die.


Naraku Diabolos, this is a warning, if you don't like a fic you don't read it, nor should you expect to revolve around you and your tastes as frankly we don't really care.

Sandra

Joshua - Shadow Brigadier
15th January 2006, 4:31 AM
I feel kinda scared, reviewing after the war. Oh well.

Ren, I have just finished reading all of the chapters, and have nothing to say but two words: LOVE IT!

Your use of the Bludge-karp is absolutely beautiful, and Hades is a fantastic character. Angel is fast becoming one of my favourite fic characters, and the bag o' Meowths was a fantastic touch.

AND YOU USED TENTACRUEL AND SNEASEL! *hugs you* I love those Pokemon, and I've never before seen a Tentacruel portrayed so well.

Mandy is, by far, my favourite character, and I can't wait to see more of him.

Description, Ren, is brilliant. I can actually picture Angel swinging Caim around. To be honest, when I first read it, I actually leapt out of my chair, cos I could actually see a Magikarp heading towards me. :)

Joshua

Typhlogirl
15th January 2006, 4:50 AM
Well, that was rather nasty. On to the chapter!!

Heh, very interesting. Especially the Kanto Trio, and Angel's run in with them. Classic!!

>:O Meowth killer! That was so cruel! Ugh...*imagines being sown into a bag and thrown into the sea* Disgusting. How could anyone do that? *rants and raves* But Angel saved them! Thank god! Very well done actually. I'm interested by the fact that Angel cannot swim.

...And that Caim saved her. Magikarp =/= useless. Haha! Very nice. As usual, loving the way she uses him as a club.

Well, not much else to say. But still a good, if a little short, chapter! Well done!

Awaiting the next one!

-;157;

P.S. Oh, one point.


And where does it say I have to make Maxie act like he does in the anime? I took it from Emerald for his personality. He was going to use Rocket Fuel to BLOW UP a VOLCANO.

Sane people do not do that.

I have not LAUGHED SO HARD since I read BF's interview. That is classic. I'm quoting that.

Yami Ryu
15th January 2006, 6:21 AM
Yeah, it was bad but now the flamewar is over, atleast you didn't have to read the posts I asked Jasmine to delete.

Anyways, thanks you two for the replies, and yeah, I know this chapter was short, but it was mostly a filler, but don't worry, this 'arc' of the story only has a couple more chapters left, then onto the next 'arc' XD

Typh, about Angel not swimming, well, she knows how to swim. Sorta. When the water is like five inches deep XD but most people can't really. Well they know the basics. Which Angel knows. Slightly. Which is you don't breathe in the water XD but to be honest, I wanted Angel portrayed as normal/average as possible without being 'too anti sue' or whatever. I remember I really only started to learn how to swim when I took lessons, and even then I had those little arm floating things. Hell, my whole class had them. We were the arm floaty batillia or whatever XD

Angel, I'm guessing from her personality, would have taken a few lessons. Then when boys started to oggle her, she would have fled. As over protective father and brother would have installed a strong 'Boys have cooties' sense into her XD

Slywing: Yeah, I noticed that too when I was doing the rough draft planning of the story and the main characters pokemon. Tenta and Sneasel never get the spotlight they deserve, even though they are good pokemon. Glad to have made another apriciater of the two happy

Yami Ryu
18th January 2006, 12:39 AM
Like my other fics, requesting this one to be closed also. Just a warning post to the fans so they understand that I really did request them to be closed.

~Renegade

now off to get a mod to close these.