View Full Version : Breeze (One-Shot)

Seijiro Mafuné
4th November 2005, 1:37 AM
Yep. A one-shot. Mine. Find any flaws and tell me, please.



By Sou&Sei


The sun was going down in the mountains hiding the fairly-known Union Cave in the Johto region, mostly on the Violet area. The sky was tinged with tones varying from dark blue to crimson and orange, and many people were finishing up their affairs and heading to their houses to dine with their familiars.

There was one person who wasn’t doing this, however; he was sitting on the top of a large tower, watching the sunset.

Blue hair covering one eye, wearing a white and blue kimono and sandals, was Falkner, the Gym Leader of Violet City. He was sitting near his Pidgeot, admiring the final lights of the day.

He stood there, reflecting on the sun, when he heard a noise coming from behind him. Turning his head around, he saw the doors to the elevator open and a young man come out. He was wearing a bandanna over his head, a white sleeveless shirt, and blue pants, with shoes as well.

Falkner recognized him; he was Jim, one of his students. He smiled pleasantly, and made a motion for him to approach. “Come over here,” he added. Jim bowed lightly and walked towards his mentor. “You wanted to tell me something?”

Jim nodded. “I just wanted to thank you for letting me study with you, master. You have helped me learn so much, and I can’t express my gratitude about it.”

“There is no need for thanks, Jim. I was just doing what I do best,” Falkner replied. Jim shook his head.

“No, that isn’t what you do best. It is flying. Flying is a part of you. There’s nothing you love more than to flow in the morning breeze, in your Pidgeot,” Jim told him, truthful. Falkner smiled, and moved a hand towards said Pokémon, even as he shifted himself to sit better.

“So it is… so it is,” he replied. He moved his head towards Pidgeot. “Flying is a magical thing, don’t you think? The freedom of being aloft, just you and the sky… sometimes, I wish that I wasn’t a Gym Leader, but just a trainer, flying across the skies with my Pidgeot.”

Jim nodded. “I agree very much.” Falkner turned towards him.

“You know… I have been thinking of taking a training journey… I’ve been slacking recently. Some hard training might be good for us,” he told Jim. The Bird Catcher nodded.

“I suppose so. Have you thought on whom to leave as the substitute?” he asked, and Falkner stood up and approached him.
“You. I have been watching you, and, sincerely, I doubt that you’d be a disappointment. I put my trust on you in this matter.” Jim felt him put his hand on his shoulder, and beamed.

“T-thank you, master! I will not disappoint you! I promise!” he told him, excitedly. Falkner closed his eyes and smiled deeper.

“I trust you in this… Jim,” he said, before heading towards the elevator. Jim stood there, just turning around. “Remember to keep everything in order. And don’t worry… I’ll be fine. I’ll try not to worry much about the Gym.” The elevator doors opened and he stepped inside, pressing a button.

“Actually, you would do better to worry about it… it might be good!” Jim told him, as the elevator doors closed.


Psychic Umbreon
1st November 2006, 1:47 AM
Seijiro, there aren't any mistakes that I could find. You've done well.

1st November 2006, 3:15 AM
just one thing I thought a tad worrying, when you had Jim talking about how Falkner liked flowing in the breeze with his Pidgeot? well you had him say '... in your Pidgeot...' , and in technical terms, that would mean that he was literally inside the Pidgeot as if the bird ate him. that kinda made me feel a little wierd other than that couldn't find anything wrong.

Sike Saner
1st November 2006, 4:19 AM
…Who in the frell monostarred this? o.o

Anyway. Falkner’s love of flight, friendship with Pidgeot, and all-around synergy with the Flying-type came across quite nicely. So did Jim’s elation upon being left in charge of the gym while Falkner’s away. Another thing I really like is that this makes me wonder what sort of experiences Falkner would encounter out there on a journey like that, and how Jim would fare with the gym in his hands—reading is a more entertaining experience when it makes you think, imo; it’s more interactive that way. Nicely done. ^^

1st November 2006, 4:35 AM
It's the attack of the Phantom Monostar again. Halloween is his time to shine.


Anyhow, Seijiro, I enjoyed this. As Sike said, it makes you think at the end. What will Faulkner's journey be like? What will Jim do in his master's absence? You also managed to capture the essence of Faulkner's character in this little piece.

A nice job. I enjoyed it. (And I still haven't gotten around to reading your other fics you told me about.)