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Flaming Lip
4th November 2005, 2:04 AM
This poem in a sense is universial (albeit corny). I am sure sometime in our life you lose someone, whether to death or just the passage of time. In most of my poems I have covered the psyche of a trainer leaving their homes. But this time I tried to write about how that trainer's younger sibling might react, espesically one that hasn't realized the meaning of 'gone' or 'forever.' Thus Forever:


Forever

The air is thick with finality

Descending at your goodbye

You step from fantasy to reality

And the world behind is a lie

And I will wait forever

ĎCause forever isnít long


Through the sheets of rain

To the waves of the sun

Requiems of sadness and pain

To the bandís happiest song

And I will wait forever

ĎCause forever isnít long


And if you grow too weary

And if the clouds close in

And if youíre denied at the gates

And if youíre full of sin

And if the sun goes out

And if the moon casts doubt

And if the North Star donít shine

And if the poetís words donít rhyme

And if all your hope is gone

I will wait forever

ĎCause forever isnít long


And if I never hear your voice

And If I never see your face

I will surely go insane

And if God granted no choice

And if the earth floats in space

You will surely lose the Game


Now days are a triviality

I stop watching the roads

Fantasy is now reality

And the other world is gone

And I will wait forever

ĎCause for ever isnít long


And if I grow too weary

And if the clouds close in

And if Iím denied at the gates

And if Iím full of sin

And if the sun goes out

And if the moon casts doubt

And if Iíve lost this game

And if Iíve gone insane

And if all my faith is gone

I will wait forever

ĎCause forever isnít long


Through the crazy voices

To the sun thatís still the same

To the one-way choices

To the soul thatís just a name

I will wait forever

ĎTill forever gets too long

Kiyohime
4th November 2005, 2:38 AM
T_T That makes me think of my little sister...man. You kind of pulled some strings there (in my heart) so I'm a little saddened right now. But it was beautiful...you're so underrated, you know? This was really....wow...well, I guess it affected me so much because I've experienced that. o.o;; I even printed it out. Yes, I'm a nerd. *glares at everyone else*

What else can I say? Beautiful rhyming, and the flow fits. ^^

Flaming Lip
4th November 2005, 3:12 AM
T_T That makes me think of my little sister...man. You kind of pulled some strings there (in my heart) so I'm a little saddened right now. But it was beautiful...you're so underrated, you know? This was really....wow...well, I guess it affected me so much because I've experienced that. o.o;; I even printed it out. Yes, I'm a nerd. *glares at everyone else*

What else can I say? Beautiful rhyming, and the flow fits. ^^
Come off it. I am not underrated. In fact I deserve less attention..

Nonetheless thanks for the review. *gives Halloween Candy*

xXSaberXx
4th November 2005, 7:02 AM
D: NiGHTS=secks.

YOU MAKE LITTLE BABY SABER CRY!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously this was beautiful. Scrap needs to STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL! ;-; *finally breaks down and crys with*

Very symbolic there. Lots of yummy -Y ending words. It fit. The ands were spaced as well, and in a strategic way. That's good, cause otherwise ANDS GET SO ANNOYING IN POEMS! >.< I can't poerty worth shitake mushrooms. I like to call them DRABBLES instead. D:

So you made me le sad. So sad and pretty this poem was. *gives underrated sticker*

=O 'grats. You made me cry.

Dilasc
4th November 2005, 7:16 AM
Now, this is an awesome poem. As the girls said (or rather, sobbed), it's very good. Heck I shed a tear reading it myself. Seriously, great flow and the line Forever isn't long... it's so very true!

mindripper
4th November 2005, 5:26 PM
Nicely done. I like the slow but sure build-up to the finale. I see a lot of truth in it as well. Sigh, been a long day here, so I will not be saying too much. Will edit my post next time, promise.

Saber, those four lines of poetry in your sig inspired four lines in my first poem here, though I guess I killed them. How coincidental.

lilbluecorsola
4th November 2005, 11:13 PM
Dude, what more can I say that hasn't already been said? =P That was just beautiful. I loved the words you used. A very unique topic too, especially for you.

Flaming Lip
5th November 2005, 4:56 PM
Oh Reviews...


D: NiGHTS=secks.

YOU MAKE LITTLE BABY SABER CRY!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously this was beautiful. Scrap needs to STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL! ;-; *finally breaks down and crys with*

Very symbolic there. Lots of yummy -Y ending words. It fit. The ands were spaced as well, and in a strategic way. That's good, cause otherwise ANDS GET SO ANNOYING IN POEMS! >.< I can't poerty worth shitake mushrooms. I like to call them DRABBLES instead. D:

So you made me le sad. So sad and pretty this poem was. *gives underrated sticker*

=O 'grats. You made me cry.


Thanks, though I was under the inpression that if you made someone cry your an evil basterd. If I am that, then I am fufilling my dream in life. XD Anyway thank you again. Here be's some candy *gives candy*


Now, this is an awesome poem. As the girls said (or rather, sobbed), it's very good. Heck I shed a tear reading it myself. Seriously, great flow and the line Forever isn't long... it's so very true!

Thanks. I got no more candy so here's flan. Just don't tell Burnt Flower I gave you some. *gives flan*


Nicely done. I like the slow but sure build-up to the finale. I see a lot of truth in it as well. Sigh, been a long day here, so I will not be saying too much. Will edit my post next time, promise.

Saber, those four lines of poetry in your sig inspired four lines in my first poem here, though I guess I killed them. How coincidental.


Thankies... nice to see you like it. *flan*



Dude, what more can I say that hasn't already been said? =P That was just beautiful. I loved the words you used. A very unique topic too, especially for you.

Thanks! Is the topic really unique for me? I could of sworn I've used this idea before.

Any way, if any one noticed the very last line, I did leave a little dark note there. And I quote:


Through the crazy voices

To the sun that’s still the same

To the one-way choices

To the soul that’s just a name

I will wait forever

‘Till forever gets too long

As opposed to, "'Cause Forever isn't long." Its about, if anyone noticed, naivity if anyone noticed. The boy, or girl, thinks that he/she can wait forever for his/her brother/sister to return. But eventually he/she grows older and realizes he/she can't, and loses faith. So he/she waited until the prospect of waiting forever, and how naive the idea was, sets in. And her, the girl/boy realizes that, he/she could have done something: perhaps go on a journey of his/herself, instead the boy/girl has wasted his/her childhood, and any faith he/she had about anything.

Sike Saner
6th November 2005, 12:43 AM
Another strong, solid, lovely piece to make me hear the voice of David Gilmour. ^_^ This one ranks high among your works, being of good, sound structure and persuasive, consistent language. It's got good re-read value, too.



Through the sheets of rain

To the waves of the sun

Requiems of sadness and pain

To the band’s happiest song

And I will wait forever

‘Cause forever isn’t long

^ Boss, and you know it.

Your work continues to be extraordinarily easy to like. Good show. ^_^

Burnt Flower
6th November 2005, 8:19 PM
Whoa...this is just as good as your other poem 'Ebb and Flow of Reason' which I considered your best work yet. Kudos for that! :D

Though I haven't cried when I read this, I still felt the emotions you wanted your readers to feel emanating from ever verse. Yet another poem from you that is exceptional. ^^

My favorite part (which was also the first one):

Forever

The air is thick with finality

Descending at your goodbye

You step from fantasy to reality

And the world behind is a lie

And I will wait forever

‘Cause forever isn’t long


...........Flan, please? *puppy-dog eyes*

Flaming Lip
8th November 2005, 2:24 AM
Another strong, solid, lovely piece to make me hear the voice of David Gilmour. ^_^ This one ranks high among your works, being of good, sound structure and persuasive, consistent language. It's got good re-read value, too.


Quote:
Through the sheets of rain

To the waves of the sun

Requiems of sadness and pain

To the bandís happiest song

And I will wait forever

ĎCause forever isnít long


^ Boss, and you know it.

Your work continues to be extraordinarily easy to like. Good show. ^_^

Really I thought that was a weaker stanza... *flan*


Whoa...this is just as good as your other poem 'Ebb and Flow of Reason' which I considered your best work yet. Kudos for that!

Though I haven't cried when I read this, I still felt the emotions you wanted your readers to feel emanating from ever verse. Yet another poem from you that is exceptional. ^^

My favorite part (which was also the first one):

Quote:
Forever

The air is thick with finality

Descending at your goodbye

You step from fantasy to reality

And the world behind is a lie

And I will wait forever

ĎCause forever isnít long



...........Flan, please? *puppy-dog eyes*

Me thinks thou hath no heart.... Your a flower for Constantinople's sake (< Lookie! New line thing!) XD

And silly flower, Flan Flakes are for fauna!

*looks at book titled Reverse Psychology*

^ Don't Quote

Quackerdrill
11th November 2005, 4:35 AM
Ahhh yes, perfection. NiGHTS, this is exactly the thing I needed, a calm, reflective piece.... just wonderful. Though I lack a younger sibling, I kept thinking about how the absence of someone does affect their mind... such a great topic and such a touching message. This one had the same intangible thing about it, the thing that makes me mutter "awesome" throughout the poem. I don't know how to say it further, this just brought such a strong reaction and that feeling of... I dunno, something. Thanks for this, I must say this made my (otherwise dismal) day!

EDIT: No, I'm not exaggerating, birthday boy, now scarf up that birthday cake with pride!! ^_^

Flaming Lip
11th November 2005, 4:08 PM
Ahhh yes, perfection. NiGHTS, this is exactly the thing I needed, a calm, reflective piece.... just wonderful. Though I lack a younger sibling, I kept thinking about how the absence of someone does affect their mind... such a great topic and such a touching message. This one had the same intangible thing about it, the thing that makes me mutter "awesome" throughout the poem. I don't know how to say it further, this just brought such a strong reaction and that feeling of... I dunno, something. Thanks for this, I must say this made my (otherwise dismal) day!

Oh my God...

I really think your exagerating right now.... Come now... Its not that good.

*flan*

0-0 *Walks away from thread and squeals loudly*