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Xiang
8th November 2005, 2:21 AM
This idea came from the top of my head. It isn't a masterpiece, nor is it a scrap.

I do not mind nitpicking, criticism, or the like, but PLEASE keep in mind that I am only eleven and there is only SO MUCH I know. I'd like to say that it would be on the safe side to rate this PG-13, just have this feeling.


The Prologue is meant to leave some things untouched, everything will clear up later.

Enjoy, or at least try...

.:~*Prologue*~:.

Why must evil lose all the time? I racked my head with question over and over, as if it was a pancake. I turned it over. And over. But I would never get anything out of it. So much effort for a burnt flop. That's also the case for when I devise a plan to take over some weirdo part of the world.

I felt comfortable in my throne made out of solid ice. I wore a black dress, and a plain one too, but you could tell from the crescent moon mark on my forehead that I was somebody special.

My room was covered in plants and growth and the feeling of still life despite the fact that it was made entirely of nevermeltice.

Ice.

A chilling, slippery solid object that gave me a shiver as I touched it, a shiver pleasant enough to bring me a rare smile.

Do you see evil princesses smile? As in naturally? Not one of those "I have a wicked plan" smiles? Like the smile when a four-year-old girl in pigtails wins a doll or when a poor teenage boy is presented with a shiny, new bike for his birthday?

I loved ice. I loved plants. But most of all, I loved the darkness.

I loved its mystery, of when you stare into it and can't get anything out of it, of when you hide in it and it's like a blanket wraps around you and no one can see you, except the darkness itself. The dark was a beautiful eerie thing.

But nothing could comfort me after the loss of my brother, who favored the smokey stench of licking flames that ate away at everything it touched; fire was his power. And when his fire is gone, so is he. His entire warmth and brotherly understanding. His bravery and strength.

Some of my advisors think that the clan of rock-dwellers killed him in battle, but I believe differently. I just can't interpret my thoughts when they are all in a jumble like they are now, one atop another in a heap, or scattered in every which-way direction.

I remember the anger burning like a dragon inside me as I recalled seeing on television, the entire world rejoicing at the fact that a member of my family had died, like for them it was a special treat, a nuisance rid forever.

I am devising a plan of revenge. Sworn revenge. Against the mysterious murderer and the wasteful humans that relished my brother's death.

But mind you, I am no mastermind.

Let me restate that: Tsuki is no mastermind.

.:~*End Prologue*~:.

Evan Turner
8th November 2005, 7:00 AM
A little short, but it's enough to get me interested. Keep going with this. For an eleven year old, this is good work. I guess. I couldn't do this when I was eleven. It's good, mysterious, but I'm not sure if it's Pokemon or not. If it has fake Pokemon, I'm sorry, but I won't be here. But it's good, so keep going. Bye.

Spewy05
8th November 2005, 2:03 PM
A bit short, but it was ok. I lied it.

katiekitten
8th November 2005, 2:24 PM
Pretty good, catchy. Yes it is short, but that is to be expected. It is only a prologue, after all. :)

Xiang
8th November 2005, 11:49 PM
I got 3 reviews over night? w00t!

I'm being overexcited. ^^

Fallen Chrinocles: No, it won't have fake Pokemon, but it will include Pokemon! (That's for sure.) I'm estatic. And I know I didn't spell that right. -_-

Spewy05: Well, it was meant to be short. It's only the prologue, after all. But I glad you "lied" it?

katiekitten: Thanks.

Expect the next chapter around sometime this weekend, or Monday. I'm a busy person, after all.

Kaizer
9th November 2005, 2:18 AM
Hmm, some of Burraki's work... I do hope you'll finish this one. Anyways, while it was short, I liked the prologue. You've gotten much better since the last time I read one of your stories. I may not follow this very closely, but I'll keep an eye on it; when I don't have homework that is.
;245;

Chareon
13th November 2005, 3:30 AM
This is great! I've read other stuff by you, and this was even better than expected! This line:

the anger burning like a dragon inside me

Is awesome!
PM me when you post again...
;196; ~Chareon

Xiang
13th November 2005, 2:47 PM
kaizer63: Ah, good to be seeing you again. :) I suppose you set high expectations this time? XD

Chareon: Thank you! ^^ Alright, maybe a PM list won't be too much trouble, as long as it doesn't become so lengthy that I leave out some people. XD

I'm not so sure about this chapter. It's barely three pages long, and the quality is...hesitant, shall I say? But it goes with my idea of the plot, although it may move a bit slow and then too fast, but then again, I'm done. Whoopee! And I was almost on time! ^^

.:~*Chapter One*~:.

I stared down at my latest plan and one word, just one: stupid, popped into my mind as my eyes scanned the complicated mass of labels, lists, and figures, and I figured that when it came to plans, I was a complete failure.

I heard my bedroom door creak open. "Dear?" said the voice of my father. I turned in my chair with my back slumped and my teeth gritted.

My father, there he stood. If at some big meeting or show he would stand at his full pride and glory, gloating there in the sun or on TV or on the front cover of the daily newspaper, showing his famous smile and being a big dodo through my eyes.

But if he was near me, he would act like a mouse, meek and quiet. For one thing, his worst two fears were ice, and me. Of course, he loved me and all, but when we were there in the room, I could feel his fear like a spider could feel my wrath; it was as pure and daylight there before my eyes. He knew I knew. I knew that he knew that I knew. And if you think into it, it would go on forever.

I folded my arms across my chest. "Yes?" I said, as if he was my petty servant.

I could sense his exasperation over his fear, too. In fact, now that I think about it, I can feel everything about him, even his thoughts, as if they were written on his forehead.

"What are you doing?"

Less exasperation and fear. More family warmth. I could hear the rain banging mercilessly on my window. Plop. Pitter-patter. It was like they mixed their oh-so-lovely racket together and looked, or heard upon it like some big orchestra masterpiece.

"I'm making plans to take over the world." Ding. Plop. Pang pang.

I heard a strange sound, and it was coming from my father. He was wheezing and whooping and booming with laughter. It sounded unnatural to my ears. I never laughed and nobody laughed in front of me. Plop bang twitter-pang, the birds sang mournfully with the melancholy drops of gray rain. The laughing and plopping and singing sounded like a chorus.

Plop plop.

He stopped his awful laugh and put his hand on my shoulder. I had an instinct to pull away because of the warm touch, but I figured that it would only be polite to remain seated.

"Dear, there's no need for THAT. Unless you want us to go to war."

Plop. His smile faded.

I crumpled up my plan and added it to the lump of paper balls in my rubbish bin.

Plop.

I didn't sleep well that night. The rain ceased to plop on my window. As soon as the storm ended, the birds burst with song, as if they had been holding it in. I hated the sound for it meaning the end of winter, but I couldn't wait for spring.

My dream started like this: I was standing in darkness. Usually I would be pleased in a scene like this, but it was so eerie I couldn't help but be afraid. I could hear my father calling desperately to me. His urgent tone echoed throughout the darkness. I ran towards the source of the voice, and fell to my knees. I felt as if something was pressing and nudging me from every direction and I looked down. I saw the black, soft, and graceful paws of an Umbreon. I screamed and fled on four light and fast feet. Because I couldn't see three feet before me, I felt myself slip and fall as if I had teetered on the edge of a rocky cliff, and then the space below wanted to swallow me. My fear of heights welled up and I screamed.

I woke up nearly crying. I had never had such an awful dream before. The sunlight wasn't showing through my window, instead thunder rumbles and gray clouds glowed menacingly down on my bed.

I brushed my black hair. My bangs covered my left eye because I had one silver eye and one blue eye, and it was cooler to show one eye alone. The hair in the back were brushed to the sides of my head and curled up slightly. And I made careful notice to hide the purple crescent-moon shaped birthmark smack-dab in the middle of my forehead.

The day went on, with my boring and yawn-inducing lessons flew by and the sun had blown away the rain clouds with its mighty glory and shine. But my father was away at war, the servant told me. I felt as if a part of me has been dunked underwater. It felt cold, lonely, and miserable.

He had left without telling me.

I started to dread going to bed at night. My dream haunted me every night.

One morning I woke up, weary and disturbed. The servant with short green hair ran sobbing into my room as I was brushing my hair. She opened her black eyes.

"What is it, servant?" I questioned menacingly.

"Oh, your Majesty, your Highness, you must flee! Your father was killed! They are coming for you, your Grace, and they will kill you! You must flee!" she collapsed, sobbing to the floor.

I couldn't take it all in at once. I forgot my royal attitude and dropped onto my knees beside her. "Who is it? Who will go with me?"

"Tsuki, please listen to me." I flinched at hearing my servant call me by name, but I let her continue. "You will have to go alone and seek shelter and make sure, that no one will know who you are! Come here!"

My breath now came in short gasps of confusion. What was happening? This was too sudden. Much too sudden. I stepped forward, aware of the fact that my life was in immediate danger now. She removed the pins from my hair, letting it loose, long and trailing behind my back. Then she braided it tightly and neatly. It went down to my shoulderblades. My bangs stayed as they were. "No one can recognize you now. But you need a name!" she fussed unhappily.

A guard ran into the room. "Kira, the enemy has been sighted on castle grounds. We've no time! The Highness will have to flee now!"

My head was spinning. I prayed that I was dreaming another awful nightmare, that when I woke up it would be snowing outside and my father would appear in my room, smiling and telling me how much he loved me. I opened my eyes. Kira, the servant, held out a bulging handkerchief to me.

"Flee, Tsuki. It is for your safety."

I suddenly felt sad to leave them all behind. They were so loyal and innocent to me. Now they were giving themselves up to ensure my safety. I did not try to hide the tears that formed in my eyes. I refused the hankerchief, not knowing what it contained.

I went through the secret passage the servant children used. It led out back and then I crawled through a hole in the stone wall. I took a look back at the castle, my home, and ran like I had had never before. My bare feet slapped the earth and I could hear men shouting behind me. I looked back again and my home was now a great fire that lashed at the sky.

I ran like the wind, because the souls lost flew in it. The wind was like a breath, soft and moving in the atmosphere in swirls. I wasn't going to disappoint them just yet.

Life would never be the same again.
.:~*End Chapter One*~:.

I have a feeling there will be a lot of criticism for this. :/

Except the next chapter BY Thanksgiving. School's a big load these days, you know?

Kaizer
13th November 2005, 4:14 PM
I really do wish this chapter was longer, but as it's a fairly good job otherwise, we can let it slide this time.

I found a couple of mistakes too, but they're not a very big deal. I may not have noticed them if this was a later chapter that moved more plot along.


I scream and fled on four light and fast feet.
screamed


I took a look back at the castle, me home,
my

All in all, it wasn't a bad chapter, but you do know that if you wanted you could have just come on and said you wanted to revise it, so it might be a while. People get mad over bad chapters, not good chapters that take a long time.
;245;

Silver Ryu
13th November 2005, 4:41 PM
This is an interesting fic. I like how you're telling it from the perspective of someone who's pretty much a bad guy, but doesn't seem like one. I really like it, and I hope you can get the next chapter up soon.

Chareon
13th November 2005, 10:36 PM
Yes, I agree ^^ the perspective adds a lot to it... kaiser63 got all the mistakes that I noticed, and all in all I thought it was great! It didn't have as much trouble with speed as you claim it did, and you did a great job describing the main character (I find it hard to do in first person).
One thing though, you mentioned that she had a birthmark. When her servant put her hair in a braid, wouldn't it leave that open to the world? Or does she have bangs not in the braid?
Anywayz, in the scene with her father, the otomotopias add a nice touch...
Thanks for PM'in me!
'Till next time... *disappears with a flash of smoke*
;196; ~Chareon

Xiang
15th November 2005, 12:34 AM
Kaizer63: You're right, it was too short. It looked so big on TextEdit...and I made mistakes? I fix them shortly. Thank you for the erm, pointers. XD

Silver Ryu: Thank you! ^^ I enjoy how people point out the good things that I wouldn't have noticed...exactly. XD

Chareon: No problem! I'm going to edit the chap shortly, so perhaps I could clear it up. XD

The next chapter is two and a half pages long so far. Expect it completed and up by next Monday. ^^

Toodelsies! ^^

Xiang
17th November 2005, 1:35 AM
Well, no one reviewed for two days, so I'll post up the next chapter anyway.

Show some gratitude, I gave up homework time for this. I knew I could've waited, but I was sick of dividing mixed fractions. Don't point out anything about the length, it wasn't meant to be a novel. To me, the chapter is gigantic. To some of you, it's a shrimp. If I don't satisfy you, tell me why.

Oh, and don't thank me for PMs. That's what I supposed to do if you're a on the list. That means you, Chareon! ^^

Now onward!

.:~*Chapter Two*~:.

I was well enough aware that I had no destination, food, or water with an entire army on my tail. Why did they have to go after me? I was innocent, and I was just the daughter of their enemy. What did I have that they want?

And I really hated the wild. Loads of pests like mosquitoes and Rattatas, one even tore my dress, lots of mud, long hot days, and long chilly nights. The rough terrain left gashes in my feet and there was not one comfortable spot not taken by a Pokemon, so I slept on hard ground and woke up groggy. Why did they have to go after me? What do they want from me?

I glared at my wiggly reflection in the rushing river. The mirror told me, but I knew already, I just had to realize it. Maybe it had to do with my birthmark. But if my mark was something special, like it gave me powers, I would've known in the last fourteen years of my life.

If it was the birthmark that forced me to flee and suffer, I couldn't do anything about it. What could I do, carve it out of my head?

I cupped my hands and splashed water onto my face. So it wasn't a stain. That was obvious anyway, because I had it since birth. They don't call it a birthmark for nothing.

-One Mile Away-

-Enter Vaporeon's POV-

There was no other better place for a home than near a lake under the mountains, with plenty of prey and soft grass to rest in, wide open spaces without a dirty human disturbing us.

This was my home, my place to be.

Recently some cute Jolteon wandered near our group, and he was injured. We let him rest and heal, and he became a family member. I felt the empty gap inside me melt together and fold up. This newcomer closed up the hole that represented my lack of family. I was a loner and outsider.

I took a closer look at him from behind a patch of long grass that reached to the sun in thin, wavy fibers.

His fur lashed out in sharp spikes, like the rays of the sun on a summer day in the desert. His chin was sharp and his cheeks made his face look almost like the shape of a heart. His eyes were big and shiny. If you saw the sun reflected in it, you would be blinded. His paws weren't very big and his legs not too short. They were thin and long. His ear was torn, but to the older Pokemon they thought it meant toughness and strength. To me it meant ragged flesh.

When he first staggered into our territory, his fur drooped and he limped slowly. His ear was torn. Now he ran like lightning, darting here and there is less than a blink of an eye.

Weirdly enough, he was very quiet and often very cold. He did not seem to like to socialize, and when anyone tries to make friendly and casual everyday conversation with him, his eyes would give a steely glint and he would shrug them off. I haven't tried yet; no one has interest in speaking to a juvenile Vaporeon.

-Back to Tsuki's POV-

Where would I go now? I needed to hide somewhere until I could regain power. Or at least get a life. I couldn't run from a bunch of men forever. The sun was setting near the mountains. Should I head west, hoping to stumble upon a civilization? Or should I flee north until I reach the village Mura? Mura was a safe, peaceful village that wasn't under my father's rule. They couldn't care less about his daughter.

But I knew nothing of the west. Heading south or east would get me easily caught by the soldiers.

The sun had disappeared from the horizon, and the stars shone at their full glory with the full moon. The field exploded with cream-colored flowers.

I had never seen anything as marvelous as this, having been cooped up in the castle my whole life. The flowers were so beautiful, that they even looked...appetizing.

I knew that I was famished, but what I didn't know was that...

Are these flowers...edible?

I didn't necessarily think that people would eat flowers, I never heard of such nonsense, but with an empty stomach, no food, and a field of flowers that made your mouth water, what was the harm in eating a flower?

I plucked a couple of flowers from their stems. The petals were cool and soft on my hands, almost as if they were magical. I opened my mouth and the wind blew a petal in. I didn't want to taste it, so I tried swallowing it immediately. My tongue sensed its awful bitterness, forcing it out of my throat. Was it possibly poisonous?

Too late. I could feel it tickling my insides as it was squeezed down. My head went dizzy. I didn't want to die! The world around me became blurry and then sharper and brighter than before, but at the same time, I felt myself shrinking. I felt my body slip to the ground into sleep. The last thing I saw was the moon. I tried to reach up to it for help.

-Enter Vaporeon's POV-

"Mizu!" My friend, Pinku, an Espeon, said to me. "You wanna hunt together?"

I nodded happily. I couldn't wait to fill my stomach! What would I catch today? An easy Rattata, or a ferocious Spearow? I grinned at Pinku. She was faster and stronger than me, but she always let me have a bit of her latest prey, no matter how hard it was to catch. The harder the prey, the better tasting they are. Last time I had a few nibbles of Swablu. Swablu were slow, but they were very hard to find. You probably had to shimmy up a tree to catch one, but by the time you did, they were gone with the morning breeze.

Swablu was soft and tender, and sweet juice leaked out when you bit into it. Pinku said it tasted like canned tuna to her, but I didn't know what candy toe-na was, so I shrugged.

Pinku and I talked on our way to the Field of Night Flowers, which by day, was a great spot for prey. The grass provided a place for us to hide so we could sneak on our prey and it hid us from poachers. We were forbidden to enter the area at night. My mother told my sisters and I that there drifted a curse. That was enough for my little Eevee sisters. But not for me. I still avoided it after sundown, because I loved to be known as the Vaporeon who never disobeyed a rule. I had a reputation to uphold.

"Did you hear about the new fellow?" I asked, although I knew Pinku must have.

"Oh, yes I did. He's such a hot Jolteon! You can't find, like, Jolteon hotter than him in these areas? He's got, like, that fur, and like, those eyes! All my friends went ga-ga for him, including me!" She snorted.

"Well, does he have a name?" I said. I didn't think he was hot. Maybe because my hormones didn't take over yet. I was the shrimp of the pack. And the only one not into males.

"His name is Ryu!" she squealed. I rolled my eyes. That was what I expected of Pinku. If she saw a Pidgey she would squeal and exclaim and examine all over it. I could picture the surprised expression on the poor bird's face.

She ran laughing in front of me and then I saw her large ears sway as she suddenly stopped. I ran to her. "Pinku, is something wrong?"

My eyes met the answer before I even asked the question.

There was an Umbreon lying on the ground. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed and the pained look on her silent face told me that whatever she went through wasn't pleasant. However, the ring on her forehead was in the shape of a crescent moon. She must be unusual. Pinku nervously nudged her. No sign of consciousness.

"She must be a loner," Pinku said. I nodded in agreement. Her smell was unfamiliar. I realized that her smell was...blank. It didn't tell me her history or what she had encountered recently. It merely told me she was female, and about Ryu's age.

"Should we take her back?"

I shrugged.

Pinku narrowed her eyes. I followed the purple mystery of it and at the same time, we noticed a gash in her leg. Pinku jumped and sniffed around the area. "Hm, it's a Rattata bite. It'll get infected if we don't bring her back."

"But we came here for hunting!" I whined.

"Never mind, Mizu, we have to get her back!"

I shrunk, ashamed of my selfishness. I helped to drag her over the hill and into our territory. The sun was jagged behind the bumpy silhouette of the horizon. I was relieved that we made it home before the night sky shown at full glory. My stomach rumbled as we pushed and pulled her back to camp.

The pack leader, Takibi, glared at us as we appeared on the top of the hill. She was a radiant and fierce Flareon who many respected. When darkness passed over the sky like a wave, her fire shown like a bonfire, raging and glowing with lashing, hot tongues, yet the grass never burned.

"Why are you late, children?" she asked.

"Your Majesty," Pinku and I said simultaneously as we lowered ourselves to the ground.

Takibi snorted. "Please don't do that, it scares me."

We bolted upright and tried casually, "We won't."

I didn't know until now that Takibi was no older than Pinku. She was merely the niece of our former and deceased leader: Hoshi.

Hoshi didn't evolve because of her pride of being a discolored Eevee. Her coat was pure silver and white, and she took a lot of care to see to that she was strong for a leader yet that she never evolved. Enemies often tried to thwart her by chucking evolution stones at her, but they always missed and were punished.

"What was it that delayed you?" she questioned.

"We found an injured outsider. An Umbreon with an unusual ring on the forehead and a moderately deep bite from a Rattata," Pinku reported like a soldier.

Takibi's eyes scanned the body and screeched for Sada, the one in charge of medicine.

Unlike everyone else, Sada was a young yet experienced wild Blissey who was in charge of health and healing. She was undersized for her species, but underestimated much too often. She had master health-replenishing powers that made defeating her very hard, and her power was unusual. A quick jab with the foot in the side from her could send a Steelix rolling down a hill.

Her tiny feet practically flew her to the top of the field. Her speech came in either short bursts or quick speaking. "Yes m'am, yes m'am, coming righ' now, m'am," she gasped.

"Sada, could you please bring this outsider Umbreon to the Mother Sycamore?" Takibi requested. Her face seemed to strain to stay straight.

It seemed as if one was calling for another, and then another calling for others, for Sada curtsied, said a ,"right away, m'am," and screeched for the emergency team.

My ears twitched, and I grimaced. I could feel all three of them quiver. Must they keep yelling for each other? I glanced at Pinku. She didn't seem comfortable at all either. The same look was on Takibi. No one could screech louder than Sada.

A bunch of neighborly Butterfree and Beedrill carried a silken net woven by a Spinarak. They looked prepared every second of it. Humph, well they didn't really have acute hearing, to my tiny understanding of insects.

Sada was quite powerful for her size. She dragged the Umbreon onto the net. The bugs seemed to dip and rise with the new and sudden weight. They became minute dots in the distance as they approached the Mother Sycamore.

The Mother Sycamore was enormous. It towered over the other trees, yet never has a single danger come near it, providing protection for us and the other trees. It was almost as if there was a protective barrier or wall around our home.

The Mother Sycamore was also hollow, providing shelter as a hospital for the injured and ill. Inside it smelled of honey, and Volbeat and Illumise take shifts to provide light for the inside at night, when the sun couldn't glow through the windows. There was a lobby with no real solid ceiling. Their were stairs on the sides let spiraled up as they led to the hospital rooms. Because railing for the stairs didn't exist, spider Pokemon spent weeks weaving a net on every floor that was strong, not sticky, and could catch a Caterpie without it slipping through. They were built to prevent any falls from the stairs. The ceiling was a bunch of leaves, so when it rained, it was suggested you bring an extra large leaf-rain-shader. Pinku said humans called their strange leaf-rain-shaders "umbrellas." I never heard of more ridiculous names.

"Mizu," Pinku said softly. "We should go back to the den now. We'll see her tomorrow."

I nodded. The moon hid behind the clouds tonight. I prayed that tomorrow, the Umbreon would be up and about.

.:~*End of Chapter Two*~:.
Six pages! That almost made my record. :P

Aipika
18th November 2005, 9:52 PM
Ki the Aipom: Hey Burakki! I came! Whoopee! Yay! *throws streamers* anyway Aipika wants to comment and suggest and flame! Report her now! Alert! Aler-
*Whomp*
Hey Burakki! Sorry about that. But seeing as you even cared to read my fic I decided to do the favor of reading yours. I think the prolouge and chapter one is good. Chapter two is good too and original but the catch is that so many people are writing about Umbreons, it could be an earful. Other than that, your fic is fantastic! The good thing is that I think your story is cute with the Blissey and the way you described the hospital is great! I could actually picture it in my head! That's good!
Ki the Aipom: You're such a liar! You were going to say that her fic isn't original and that it lacks any real theme!
*WHOMP!*
That took care of that. Don't listen to Ki. He just loooves to get me in trouble.

Xiang
18th November 2005, 11:24 PM
Thank you Aipika, you have my respect.

ARRRHGH! Why must I act so formal! XD Loosen up, Burakki, you can be casual. XDDDDD

Sorry. Too much sugar. And it's the weekend! I'm dancing for joy! And I'm writing the next chapter.

*is relieved Kaizer isn't here to lecture me on my ignorance and immature self XP*

^---No offense. XD

Sike Saner
18th November 2005, 11:29 PM
I must say, you're doing quite a nice job, here. There are only a few errors, but only minor ones. No egregious spelling and punctuation mistakes to speak of, making it easy to read and not a mess. I love Pokémon POVs, and so I enjoy that you're using them. One character in particular just cracked me up; her personality was great. And that character would be Pinku.


"Oh, yes I did. He's such a hot Jolteon! You can't find, like, Jolteon hotter than him in these areas? He's got, like, that fur, and like, those eyes! All my friends went ga-ga for him, including me!" She snorted.

XD I love that valley-girl accent. That's just great.

I see a good deal of potential in this, and as long as you make sure the story moves in an interesting, creative direction, it should continue to be nice and enjoyable.

Xiang
19th November 2005, 12:01 AM
For some reason these compliments are kinda starting to scare me....

That doesn't mean you should stop them! *is so full of meself XD*

Xiang
20th November 2005, 4:04 PM
Alright, no one else reviewed. Guess the next chapter's going up.

This chapter has less of Tsuki's view and more of Mizu's. This is also where a new antagonist is introduced.

Oh yeah, death here. Grab a tissue if you're THAT sensitive.

And forget the fancy decoration around the Chapter Title. It's getting quite annoying.

Chapter Three

-Umbreon (Tsuki's) POV-
I felt as if my eyelids were made of metal as I felt life lift to my body. The sweet and strong fragrance of honey was wafting around the room, I could tell even with a blanket over my nose. What was I doing here?

A jolt struck me as I tried to regain my thoughts.

It was impossible! I had no memory, no flashbacks replaying themselves in my mind, and I could not recall anything! It was as if I was just born, with my mind new and fresh, and worst of all, empty. I groaned as I strained to travel back, back into my rich past, if I had any, but I ended up vomiting cream-colored flower petals. A image, perhaps a memory, flew past my imagination, and I was unable to grasp it and soak myself in its knowing. I did manage to figure that I probably had eaten something that upset me into unconsciousness and amnesia, and that I had woken up here, wherever this was.

The bitterness of the thing I had eaten lingered in my mouth. Then an image of the moon popped in my head, but it had no meaning to me.

I was frustrated. I didn't know my name, my origin, or even what I...

It was as if something was injecting facts into me. A vast knowledge of the Pokemon world and species appeared before me. I sat there to analyze it slowly. According to this new burst of memory, I gathered I was an Umbreon, black paws, rings, and all, and that I was in a hospital. That smelled of honey.

I stared at the wooden walls and snapped that the hospital must be a tree.

It took a moment to drink in the world, or room, around me. My blanket was made of leaves that were cool and caressed your fur, and my pillow smelled of feathers. I was getting the hang of this.

-Mizu's POV-

Mother scolded me for staying out late, but I could tell with that shimmer and glimmer in her eyes that she was proud of my caring deed. Hence her name: Kira-Kira.

She was a Vaporeon like me. I remember the wonderful times when we went to the lake together to bathe in its serene waves and dive to the bottom, which was daintily decorated with pink pebbles.

Mother was kind to give me part of her supper yesterday; too bad it was tough, leathery , and quite old Spearow meat, but the meal lasted all night, for my hunger was absent this morning.

I spent all night thinking and dreaming about the Umbreon. Where did she come from? What happened to her? What was her name?

Two purple ears started coming higher up from behind the hill, and the second they appeared I knew that Pinku was coming.

I ran to her, but actually just rammed right into her chest. I felt my nose dig into her warm fur and I bounced off sooner than I hit.

"Oof!" I skidded on my tail down the hill.

I could hear her footsteps trample the grass as she ran to me. "Mizu! I'm sorry, are you OK?"

I opened my eyes, and sure enough, my friendly friend was crouching over me. I stared up at her. "No, it was my fault," I stammered shakily. I heaved myself up onto four paws, lifted my tail, and felt safe with the ground right under me. Staring up at the vast, open sky made my stomach flip and tickle my insides in an uncomfortable way.

Pinku scoffed. "C'mon, Mizu, like, get an ego. You're, like, not going to, like, get any males with yourself, like, so low like that!"

My head started spinning with her outrageous number of "likes". I didn't want to sound like I was ignoring her, so I said, "sure thing, Pinku; I was just trying to be polite."

She scoffed again. Her teen-self now no longer cared for my feelings?

My mind flashed the times of when she was open-minded and kind, when she didn't care about males and she treated me like an equal. She was once the big sister I never had. Now, she was a complete monster.

"Will you stop being all impressive for the boys?" I burst in outrage. All of a sudden, I could fell the anger and exasperation that was stored for the past year billow out of my mouth, stunning Pinku.

"Your new attitude makes you ignore my feelings, what's true, and worst of all, who you really are, Pinku. What happened? Why did you change? Don't you remember the times of when we were truly happy together? Don't you care for those who pay attention to you?" I gasped. In addition to the anger, my sadness was now threatening to pour out of my eyes in the form of tears.

Pinku was appalled.

I could now feel a drop of my sorrow course down my face. Another one. And another.

Pinku froze. She near silently said,"I'm sorry, Mizu, but you don't understand."

I gritted my fangs together. "Yes I do! All you care about is yourself!" Then more quietly, I told her,"I guess I'm hunting alone today."

I took two steps past her astonished self and paused.

I couldn't help it, I wanted to cry. So I did.

It was little with every wail, my melancholiness was leaking out of me. Pinku nuzzled me as I quieted down. When the tears were empty from my heart and my eyes, I looked into the familiar sisterly lavender of her eyes.

We hugged, right there, for a long time.

-Much Farther Away-

-Narrator's POV-

The man seated in the quiet shadow of his room recalled the time when he was little, of when he told his father about his "morning stubble" to appear manly. He smirked and his heart filled with all sorts of feelings, with his sorrow the strongest. He rubbed his coarse beard in thought.

They were long dead; long gone up into the heavens, or sinking into the fiery torturous nightmare of hell. His family was gone from the face of the earth. His evil self cherished the moments of when he saw his family killed.

His father and mother were stabbed to death, although it was fun for the man here, he cherished the death of his sister the most. Part of him loved the moment of fire and the face covered in blood, the other wanted to cry at the thought of it.

His beloved sister, that was what he used to think of her. The young teen with dirty-straw-colored hair in braids named Jenny had taken care of him after he fell gravely ill. She stayed by his bed and fed him and soothed him. She remained strong when she wanted to cry.

He had recovered, unfortunately for Jenny. He started thinking evil thoughts and turned from his sister's hero, to her nightmare. In a meaningless plot to kill his parents, Jenny had found out his recent terrible doings and at first refused that her brother would ever kill and steal. The moment she caught her brother killing her kitten by suffocating it, her eyes blanked with anger and a bullet from his gun had sunk itself into her shoulder.

The man remembered her wince, a grimace out of pain and hurt. He recalled the utter confusion on her face and she blindly tried to run away. He chased after her, but she was much faster. However, she couldn't see where she was going and ran right into the fireplace. The man had escaped, but not before watching the flames devour her bloodied face.

He smoked his pipe casually to cover his upset feelings towards himself. He leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes.

His door creaked open and brightness flowed into the depths of his murky office. One of his henchmen, Bryan stomped into the room.

His bulky figure and unshaven face made him look intimidating and evil, but deep down, Bryan was a real coward. He didn't let his face or fists show it in public, but next to his boss's attitude, he was a mouse. He was a new member of the gang, of the gang that showed only malice and cruelty.

"Um, Rico?" the henchman addressed. He knew that he had made a wrong turn already, for Rico's face twisted into frustration.

"I am your master, and you will address me as 'boss', understand?" he bellowed. When talking back to his "employees", he made careful notice that he scared them into obeying. He smirked as he watched Bryan flinch.

"S-sorry, boss," he shrieked.

Rico leaned forward onto his desk. "What brings you here?"

"I'm ready for my first mission," he stated, then quickly added, "boss."

Rico rubbed his beard in thought. "Well, recently, a pack of Pokemon have been spotted near the mountains. Perfect for poaching, wouldn't you say?"

Bryan reluctantly nodded.

"Take the poaching group A with you and bring as many skins back with you as you can. Should you find an unusual one, bring it back alive. Imagine all the money we could earn! Your success determines your future, Bryan. Should you fail and return, my whip would be unleashed!" he cackled.

Bryan began to wonder why he joined this group in the first place. Sure, he was a high school drop-out and never got an complete education, and his peers, teachers, and family were all cruel to him, and his father abused him, but he didn't have to risk himself for some unworthy cause.

Rico dangled the Poacher room keys on his pinky for Bryan to take them. "Get some confidence, Bryan, you're doing the work of evil right now. Get on a face and move!"

Bryan struggled an evil grin and snatched the keys from Rico. Look out, here I come.

-Mizu's POV-

Pinku and I hunted together in suspenseful silence.

I was sorry I yelled at her. Truly sorry, so I told her, and she seemed convinced, and that moment on, she hasn't been the self she was hours ago. She was quiet and either nodded or shook her head to answer others. She was hurt, but she knew I was right; those who payed attention to her were almost neglected, and those who never noticed her, she tried to impress.

Her eyes were now blank, and empty of warmth. Gone were the glorious memories of triumph.

I tried to sense for other moving bodies in the area using my sharp hearing. I heard a yell in the distance of a...man.

Pinku looked at me, and we both ran for the mountains, shouting,"Men are approaching! Take cover! Take cover!"

I was frightened and my muscles grew tense, then I heard the startling pow! of a whizzing bullet come between us and Pinku.

Pinku gasped,"Mina! My sister is still back there!"

Mina's frightened brown ears moved about in the grass, confused and bewildered.

Pinku's eyes glowed with determination. "I've got to rescue her. Mizu, keep going."

"But-"

Pinku looked forlorn now. "Mizu, do remember that I love you, and this is for your safety."

I ran again, for another shot startled me.

Pinku grabbed her sister by the scruff of her neck and raced back. Mina dropped to the ground and ran.

Mina caught up with me, but then I heard a yelp and a thud! I looked back and saw my best friend Pinku, on the ground in a bloodied mess of grass. She said through gritted teeth,"Run Mizu! Forget about me!"

I stood there and stared. I heard the howl of the breeze lifting Pinku's soul from her body. Her eyes became lifeless and her body went limp. My eyes blinded with tears and rage, but then the men came into view.

I ran after the wind that carried my friend, towards the mountains. The danger slowed down behind me. I could hear her calling.

Pinku was gone.

End Chapter Three

Criticism welcomed, but nothing on length. This DID take me four nights.

Kaizer
20th November 2005, 6:49 PM
Why would anyone complain about the length? Six pages is just fine, longer may be better, but six pages is still alright. And I don't mind people being immature either... I'm only 15, being immature is fun sometimes.

Sorry for not getting to the most recent chapters right away- I've been busy with school work and stuff. I didn't find any errors in chapter two, but one in chapter three so:


and family were are cruel to him

Choose one or the other, but “were are” doesn’t make any sense. Maybe are is actually all?

Also, it's not a huge thing but how you change PoV kinda takes away from flow a little. Simply doing a little line between different speakers will normally do the trick. You don't even have to say who's speaking either, if you do a good job on the chapters then simply what you write should be enough to tell us who's speaking. The same thing for flow also applies to the part where you said "much farther away." It really wasn't even neccesary.

Anyways, good job on the recent chapters. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
;245;

Xiang
20th November 2005, 11:58 PM
It's alright Kaizer ^^

I never really plan my fics out, ever, I just come up with ideas at put them into writing. I read a ton of books (about two short books or one long one a day) each day, so I can conjure ideas from there. Or I'm talking to my load of friends and get a fic idea. Or something else. So, even I usually don't know how the chapters would turn out.

EDIT: I'll fix the one error. Didn't pay attention. XD

Aipika
22nd November 2005, 10:08 PM
Aww! *Sniff* Pinku is gone! Waaaaaa! Sorry. I get emotional even if its really small. I cry a lot. This chapter was great! I got a little confused at the end. Does Pinku have two sisters or one sister and a friend with her?
Ki the Aipom: I know you have a LOT of questions concerning how confused you are. Just spill 'em!
Whack!
Sparkle the Pikachu: Ki! Do you like getting whacked like that or what?
Ki the Aipom: I likey. I see pretty stars and rainbow teddy bears.
Ooookay... This fic is perfect. Perfect. Keep at it!
Untilz laterz

mindripper
23rd November 2005, 9:41 PM
I think that you have shown great improvement through the fic, and you are extremely willing to accept criticism, always a great sign. There are bursts of creativity and characterisation, like Sike Saner has said, and overall it has been good. Do make the chapters longer, though. Take care.

Xiang
24th November 2005, 3:20 AM
Thank you!

Aipika: It was sad, wasn't it? ;_;

mindripper: The great poet has come to review. I feel so honored! :3

I have kept the length in mind, and I'm planning to make the next chapter at least ten pages. Of sourse, that'll mean it will take longer, but I have a four-day weekend starting tomorrow. ^^ I don't know if I'm going to go anywhere, but either way, I'll get at least three pages done by Saturday.

AAAIIEEE! It's snowing for the first time this year outside!

See you!

Chareon
26th November 2005, 11:53 PM
oo it snows where you are? I haven't seen snow forever :( Anyways, I'm sorry it's been so long sice I reviewed, but I've been sick *coughs* but on to the review:
All of this is very well written... I wish i could write as well as you. No matter how hard I try, my chappies get worse and worse. Don't stress yourself over length, your doing fine, I find that people only complain if its less than three so the next chappie (ten pages) will be way good. It took my by surprise that the main character wasnt human; you ought to explain that better... I was thinking, did she get changed into an Umbreon? 'Cuz you said she had her hair tied back and Umbreons dont have hair *is confused* ugg.
Overall, good job! Thanks for the P-*gets clobbered over head by Burakki for thanking her* it just feels polite, you know?
Over and out!
;196;~Chareon

Anorith
28th November 2005, 12:47 AM
A little short, but it's enough to get me interested. Keep going with this. For an eleven year old, this is good work. I guess. I couldn't do this when I was eleven. It's good, mysterious, but I'm not sure if it's Pokemon or not. If it has fake Pokemon, I'm sorry, but I won't be here. But it's good, so keep going. Bye.
I agree with him.

Xiang
28th November 2005, 12:58 AM
Chareon: I'll look to that. ^^

CastformMANIA: Thank you for reviewing. ^^

The next chapter's going to take a while. I appreciate you guys and gals keeping this place alive. ^^

Ratiasu

Xiang
4th December 2005, 12:42 AM
Bu-bum! From now on I'm italicizing whatever's not in the chapter. Anyways, the next chapter is up!

Readers: Huzzah!

Others: Boo!

Oh shush, you. This took quite a deal of time and wrist-aching, but I believe that it was well worth the wait! On with it!

Chapter Four

-Mizu's POV-

She is gone, the wind mourned. My head was hung, and my ears drooped. Normally the males would torment my tears, but today, they joined in on my crying.

My six older brothers huddled in next to me to try and comfort me. I was grateful to their understanding and sympathy, after all the years that they teased me.

I couldn't believe it. Pinku died rescuing her little sister, Mina. I felt no hostility towards Mina, because it wasn't her fault, but a hatred for humans was brewing in my chest next to my depression. The men soon lost us after the horrifying encounter, but I could feel my heart thudding through my chest in unrest.

For certain now, I would hunt alone.

-Narrator's POV-

Bryan punched the poacher in the gut in frustration. "You do realize that if we fail, we get whipped half to death!" he yelled at his victim.

A woman named Katima smirked at him and blinked her eyes flirtatiously. "I can go search for you," she offered.

Her flirting made Bryan feel sick. Though she was good for looks. Her red hair was curly and long, but not frizzy. She always underdressed, for today she wore a cropped tank-top and a mini-skirt that was low on the waist. She had steely, cold, gray eyes and long eyelashes. Those mesmerizing eyes of hers would glare at you when she was offended.

Bryan scoffed. "Like a woman like you could do much." He ignored her chilly stare.

Katima gritted her teeth. She hated it when she comes across a person who knew her to drive her nuts, or did she? She was especially insulted when a cowardly man did that to her. If he was so cowardly, how come he didn't flinch under her gaze?

The poacher that was punched in the stomach snickered. He was bald, lanky, and tall with thick brown eyebrows and a small goatee on his chin. "You too would make a great couple," he teased, hoping Katima would give him some of her toughness.

Katima grinned instead. "You really think so, don't you, Langer?"

Langer felt his shoulders sag. The moments of fun he pictured never happen.

Bryan twitched. "I think it would be nice if we ended our dopey conversation here and get to poaching!"

-Mizu's POV-

Mina looked up at me with swirling eyes. She was clueless and was in shock, just as I was, but she was very young too. "Mizu, I'm sorry!"

"For what?" I choked out.

"It was my fault Pinku died. I'm real sorry."

"Don't say that. It wasn't your fault. It was scary for all of us and you didn't know what to do, so you needed help," I tried to reassure her. I stood up from the spot I had been sitting in for the last three hours. "Well, we're still alive, and we've got to do something. Sitting and moping isn't going to accomplish anything."

I gazed at the sky. It was sunny with dainty white clouds scattered here and there, and the wind made the grass stir and the petals fly from the flowers. The blueness of the sky swallowed me up. You understand, Pinku, don't you? As much as I love you, I've got to go on. I will never forget you though...

The message echoed in my head, and I felt that, somehow, Pinku could hear me, and she sent a cherry flower blossom.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I recalled the time that one of these beautiful flowers traveled by wind to us. Pinku said she knew the flower, and that it was very rare. There was a special garden where flowers grow and they get carried in the wind to the deceased's loved ones.

Pinku's oldest brother passed away after a hunting party that included him was sent into the forest to search for food after the winter famine years ago. None of the hunting members ever returned to this day.

I knew that she approved of my decision.

Mina's pupils followed the pink clump as it floated farther and farther away. She didn't understand what was so special.

"Well then, what should we do now?" She asked, looking up at me. "Oh, look, here comes Elsa."

Elsa was an Eevee that had very large eyes and very soft fur, but wasn't as vain as she would be with all that fur. She was Mina's playmate, very friendly and open-minded. Her big flaw was her clumsiness; if you put a tree in her path she would somehow trip over it.

"Do you want to hunt together today?" Elsa asked sweetly, and then tripping over a small stone in her path.

Mina rolled her eyes. "Sure, last one to the meadow is a rotten Eevee! See you, Mizu?"

I watched the two race into the distance, with Mina in the lead after Elsa had tripped over four times.

The sun started to burn my face. A swim in the lake wouldn't be bad. I sped past the Mother Sycamore and towards the mountains. The water was as calm and tranquil as ever. It glittered with the sun overhead, and I broke through the still surface and plunged into the container of coolness. I floated there for a moment, and then paddled up to the surface just for the fun of it. I wasn't alone.

I gulped. Ryu was here, and he approached the lake slowly, not noticing me yet.

I remembered that Pinku had tried to flirt with him many times. Would he recognize me from those flirting sessions (which failed)? They were very embarrassing. I ducked back into my little heaven to hide myself. I knew that that wouldn't hide my scent. Ryu sniffed the banks of wet soil and grinned.

My heart skipped a beat. I felt my paws go tingly after gazing into his face. What was going on? Was the water too cold? Ryu sat down and I remained underwater for the next few minutes. My lungs were going to burst from holding my breath for that long, I just knew it!

My body was forced to the surface as the pressure built up very high. Eh. I was embarrassed, because I had tried to hide from him, but from the smirk on his face, I could tell that he already knew.

"Um, hi," I said quietly. My face turned red. He was alone, and he was watching me. What was he up to?

"I knew you were there, Mizu," he told me.

"I knew that you knew that I was here. And how'd you know my name?"

Ryu chuckled. Oh, he was a year older than me. He probably would think I was immature. "You were Pinku's friend."

I cringed. "Hey, she's dead, you know!" I shot back.

It was his turned to blush. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Go talk to your friends. What business do have with a little female?" I yelled at him.

He got up. "You're right."

I was sorry I brushed him off. I was even more sorry when he walked away, slumped with his ears down.

"Hey, I didn't mean to-"

"You alone hunting today?" he asked hopefully.

"Why are you asking me that?" I was suspicious.

"Well, we could hunt together..." he hinted.

I didn't get it. "Why?"

"Well because you're cute, and-"

I fell backwards into the water. He thought I was cute? I must've blacked out underwater. I must have. Why would the most popular male in the group think I was cute? Well, I wasn't planning on hunting with anybody today, but it would be nice to get to know him.

I climbed out of the lake and shook my fur so fast that I was a blur. "Fine," I told him.

He nodded and I followed him back past the Mother Sycamore, past the burrows and dens, through the trees, and into the familiar meadow and its fresh scent.

I was afraid to look at him because I knew now that he liked me. Me. The only female not interested in boys. I could feel the heat emitting from his face glow. He was blushing madly. There was a silence except for the natural birds chirping, the wind howling, and our footsteps treading through the lengthy stalks of the grass concealing us from prey's view.

I couldn't help but close my eyes in content after enjoying the scenery. What I loved best about hunting was the beauty and bounty of nature: endless meadows and plains just waiting with prey with harmless wind and enormous sky with the occasional burst of seasonal smells. The humid and fairly warm soft wind gave me the message that for sure it was spring. I picked up a scent of a male Spearow nearby. So did Ryu, for he leaned forward and sniffed gently at the wind, which was blowing at us, as in straight through our faces.

The drum of danger reached the thudding of my heart, and my ears shot up in alarm. The air began to smell hasty and filled with fear and rush. Ryu's eyes widened. "Mizu, the humans are back!"

We both turned to run as the familiar menacing shouts from our greatest enemy roared and sailed towards us. "How did they manage to track us?"

"I don't know," Ryu answered, and panting quickly, he nudged me from behind to give me a boost of speed. I felt slightly insulted.

Then a POW! made its way through the atmosphere and frightened us both into scurrying for our lives even faster.

"Run! The humans are back!" a little Eevee squealed in disdain. She was then grabbed by her mother, then two heart-jolting POW!s later, they both fell to the ground.

Another bullet zipped between Ryu and me, just barely grazing my fins. Yet another one hit Ryu's paw just barely, but it damaged the ground more than his foot. The rhythm of his running was ruined and he stumbled.

"Ryu, are you alright?" I asked him in concern.

Ryu nodded and limped as fast as he could. Using a bit more effort, he tackled me in the right place (my behind, mind you) to push me of the end of the hill, which was next to a waterfall. To my great relief, the water was very deep-looking with its dark hue of blue and there were no jagged rocks at the bottom.

I could see the shadow of Ryu's body higher up than me, then a POW! seemed to have stricken his ear. Another one got lodged deeply into my shoulder, and I was helpless to move as my body broke the surface of the body of water and I dropped deep into the endless hole. The area around me started to blur and the colors melted together until I panicked into a state of unconsciousness.

-Narrator's POV-

The poaching group was less than successful so far. Three skins; that was all they collected. Each one was one of everyday wild Pokemon and bloodied to an extent were the Pokemon was hard to recognize.

Bryan was deeply frustrated. "Aim for a place that would kill them AND keep them clean! Good grief!"

A slumped poacher with poor posture and bad teeth scratched his head stupidly, which was covered in nothing but a tall and thin green Mohawk hairstyle. "But sir, they move so fast, and-"

Bryan grabbed the man by the neck and thrust him to the ground. "I don't care! We're sure not going to do any good by making excuses about your lousy aim!" He growled viciously to the others, and they stepped back in fear. The Mohawk poacher whimpered and scrambled back to the line. Bryan loved his power and control. He was starting to even maybe cherish the feel and menace of it.

Katima leaned on his shoulder. "I sure feel hot standing next to you," she flirted.

Bryan pushed her off, much to her surprise. "I've no time for jokes, you slimy worm of a woman. Let's get back to the base."

Katima held her shocked look on her face like a mask. It almost seemed to say,"is that any way to treat a woman?"

Bryan ignored her.

-Mizu's POV-

"There, there," I heard a voice say. I groaned. Something had numbed my shoulder, and it caused great discomfort. I tried to open my eyes, but they felt like they had been shut for a prolonged period of time, so it felt like swimming for the first time.

"Is she OK?" I heard another voice say. It was unfamiliar, but the scent was not as new. In fact, I remember smelling it recently.

The first voice told her," she's no better off than the other one."

Who was the other one? I tried to open my eyes, but it turned out that there were bandages over them.

"She mustn't find out," the first voice whispered. "I need to check on the male, he's not doing so well." Footsteps rustled to the other side of the room, and I heard Ryu moan," My feet..."

I abruptly bolted to sit up straight. "Ryu? Are you OK?" Oh, how I wish I could take these bandages off, I wanted to see him. I felt a paw rest on my shoulder. It was overwhelmingly familiar now.

"Stay calm," she said. The scent...I remember it...but the voice, I have never heard.

"Could you take these off?"

No audio response.

"If you're moving you head, I can't see you, so could you say something?"

"I'm sorry, I can't remove the bandages. Orders."

"Y-you smell familiar," I told her.

I heard her back away. "Really?"

"What's your name?" I asked her, hoping it would clarify her misty identity.

"I-I don't," she paused. "I don't remember."

"What do you mean? You're older than me, you must know your own name!" I yelled in surprise.

I felt the the wooden mattress of the bed jiggle, signaling that she had sat down. I fell silent, for I could smell her hurt.

She began. "You see, there was this glorious day I happened to awake in. I inspected my surroundings. I tried new foods and learned new things about the world I woke up in. But there was one thing that ruined my first day of feeling alive; I had no memory.

"No one would believe that I was a clueless fumbling idiot who remembered no past of hers. It was after I admitted that I did not know my own name that they considered throwing me out because they thought I was making up these stories in a hope to have a place to stay. However, I wasn't.

I knew I couldn't live off of their kindness forever, so I volunteered to help out. First I was taught the ways of a nurse, and they said that I was quite the right person for that job. Then they let me get into cleaning vomit, balancing food trays, dealing with blood (that part was hard, mind you), giving mouth-to-mouth, and helping with the birth of a baby. Then I got even deeper, as in how to treat wounds, calm patients, and how to diagnose pregnancy and some illnesses."

I couldn't help but interrupt with a "wow."

She continued. "And then we were attacked. My current training was how to call for the emergency team that carried patients away from danger. It was a very high-pitched squeal that made some of the sensitive-eared patients groan. We got all of the patients away safely, but then many well Pokemon were killed or injured like you and your soul mate."

I blushed and yelled,"he was not my soul mate!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized. "But you made such a cute couple. I don't mean to offend you, but the fall over the waterfall was romantic, too.

"Anyways, here I am now!"

There was a silence. I broke through it.

"I'm sorry I insulted you for not knowing your name. I never met someone like you before."

I could feel her appreciation hover in the air.

"I don't want to refer to you as 'you' anymore, so I shall name you. What would you like?" I offered.

I paused.

"You're that Umbreon I rescued in the field of flowers days ago."

"I am?"

"You smell familiar, but you were unconscious, so I didn't hear your voice until now."

"In that case, I thank you," she said gratefully.

"Would the name Kali be of interest to you?"

"'Dark Goddess?'" she giggled. "Ok, then."

"Man, I wish I could see, but with these bandages on, I..." I trailed off. "Wait, I was only wounded in my shoulder. How come my eyes are covered?" A fear began to grasp my heart. I wanted so badly to ignore it. But it dawned on me that really, it was possible.

"This may come of a shock to you," said the unfamiliar voice said.

-Kali's POV-

The doctor, who was Sada's older brother, a tall Togetic with feathery wings and a purely white body, returned from talking to the cute Jolteon patient. I said the name in my head over and over. Kali. My, what a nice name. And it was awfully nice compared to what the doctor would say next.

"This may come of a shock to you," he said grimly.

I felt like crying. The poor Vaporeon, who just told me her name was Mizu, was so innocent. She didn't deserve this. But what happened, has happened.

"Actually, THESE may come of a GREAT shock to you."

Great, now he's making it worse. She's beginning to panic now.

"I'm afraid your family, mother and all brothers, have been killed. Their bodies have not been found by us or the humans, but many witnessed their deaths. I am truly sorry."

Mizu was silent. The kind of silent when you suddenly feel depressed, but you are too depressed to react. In fact, you're in shock.

"Now let me remove these bandages. I do not wish to upset or corrupt you, but it's better to know now then later," he said.

He released the knot in the back with a strong tug, and the milky eyes of the Vaporeon blinked in confusion.

"Are you sure those are off, I..."

The white swirling in her eyes widened, and the horrible truth dawned on her.

She was now blind.

Sike Saner
5th December 2005, 3:01 AM
Aww...poor Pinku. And poor Mizu...I wonder how she'll handle being unable to see? Those jerk poachers...especially Bryan, that kitten-killing...no, I won't say the word I'm thinking of here. XD

Couple of things I liked:


Pinku scoffed. "C'mon, Mizu, like, get an ego. You're, like, not going to, like, get any males with yourself, like, so low like that!"

My head started spinning with her outrageous number of "likes".

XD


She is gone, the wind mourned.

Very lovely.


"Do you want to hunt together today?" Elsa asked sweetly, and then tripping over a small stone in her path.

XD Aw, that was cute.

One thing, though...you might not want to use that orange color for the text. It might be kind of harsh on the eyes depending on what skin the reader is using; it's generally preferred to just stick to the standard color for the text.

Anyway, I'm enjoying this nice, Pokémon-centered story, tragedy and all. (Yes, I love tragedy. I'm such a monster. XD ) Keep it up! ^^

Xiang
5th December 2005, 10:43 PM
Thanks Sike Saner, you made my day.

Sure, I'll keep that in mind.

Latias: Ooh, I told you the orange color wouldn't be a good idea!

Me:Hey! Since when did you exist?

Ratiasu

Saffire Persian
6th December 2005, 5:13 AM
Interesting "I'm making plans to take over the world" is definitely something you don't hear everyday. Though I found the beginning of the plot a bit cliche - as in "Your grace, your fathers been killed and now you must flee business" is something I find a tad overused. Not that it's bad, but I would've liked to see more exposition.

You do seem to be doing quite well in the first person POV, and only a few errors. My advice would be to try to "draw things" out a little more, build on characters through a few little scenes. ^_^.. Details are very good, yes?

Saffire Persian
9th December 2005, 11:21 PM
Pinku's a funny little character, I like her.. and her accent. One thing I'd do, however, is to legthen the narrative so POV switches don't seem to sudden. ^_^ Otherwise, not bad.. I spotted an error or too, but right now I"m too lazy to point them out. As Sike said, this story has potential.

Xiang
10th December 2005, 1:53 AM
Thank you Saffire Persian. It's nice to have someone that points out something you would've never noticed. The POV switches did seem quick, I keep that in mind.

Progress for next chapter: Slow, two pages. It'll come I don't know when.

Sweet May
10th December 2005, 2:03 AM
Dumb poachers...... >=(
Also poor Mizu. She's blind now. And because of them. >.>

Thing SM liked:

Pinku scoffed. "C'mon, Mizu, like, get an ego. You're, like, not going to, like, get any males with yourself, like, so low like that!"

My head started spinning with her outrageous number of "likes".
lol.......like, like, like,like, like, like, like......xD

Thing SM didn't like:
nothing. =)

i'm looking forward for the next chapter. ^^

Xiang
10th December 2005, 2:16 AM
Thank you Skitty. ^^

I'm rereading your reviews and looking at the chapter...

(looks at chapter) >.>

(looks at review) <.<

(gets out Warriors Forest of Secrets and starts reading)

Eheheh...can't blame me for getting a break! ^^;;

BlueAbsol
10th December 2005, 6:17 PM
I love it! I have now become your devoted reader, expecially considering the fact that, aside from mew, eevee and the eeveelutions are my favorite pokemon.
;196; : I'm not your favorite...?
Er....
Umbrion: You die...
*runs away screaming*

Xiang
11th December 2005, 3:40 AM
Thank you so much BlueAbsol, it makes me estatic to see a reviewer or two. Sorry if tis post has typoes, I'm really sleepy now and my eyes are hurting a litle, so it's hard for me to see what I'm typin. I was just so happy to see a review though. :)

Chareon
11th December 2005, 6:18 PM
wow, really great, good plot twists... i found a couple of mistakes:
you really need to watch your tenses, because sometimes you write in past tense and sometimes in present... i know its hard in first person but it really puts holes in the story...
oh, and i love your new banner ratiasu!
hope that help i really love this story...thanks for the Pm! *gets clobbered*
ouch...
;196;~ Chareon

Xiang
11th December 2005, 7:08 PM
Alright, Cynthia, think past tense, past tense, past tense, past tense...

Believe or not, I'm busier on the weekends, so usually I get my writing time on Fridays and Saturday mornings. I get booted off the computer very often, so sometimes the chapters get way sloooooowwed. Especially when I spend six minutes trying to beef up the paragraphs.

My spellchecker ain't that good either. I have TextEdit instead of Word, so I'll have to keep both eyes out for my tenses.

Anyways, thank you, Chapter Five still has only two pages (on TextEdit) so far. I'm aiming for at least eight pages. ^^

Amy Rin
12th December 2005, 10:13 PM
hey big sister i mean cynthia i like your fic

BlueAbsol
12th December 2005, 10:16 PM
I'm back! How cool, you have a sister! And I proud too read your fic! Glad to review!

Xiang
15th December 2005, 2:05 AM
Thank you, BlueAbsol

Progress: It quickened for a day, but now I'm at a block. Four-and-a-half pages so far. In other words, just more than halfway to my goal. I really need to get some more speed when it comes to getting new ideas...maybe I should stop reading on the bus and use that time for thinking.

EDIT One: Eheheheheheh....really beefy paragraphs coming! Everything just gets less beefy with the width of the page. ;; Progress is very slow again, since I'm REEAAAAALLLLYYYYY busy this weekend! (I have a recital, play, and orthodontist appointment! Then a best friend's birthday to celebrate!) I think I'm CLOSE to five pages (wheeeeeeeee hyper right now ^^) -December 16 05

Angelic Elf Ivy
16th December 2005, 11:51 PM
This is a great fic so far!

I feel so sorry for Mizu! Can't see now. :(

Anyway, I'd have to say that my favorite character is Ryu! He's so cute! Then again I like all Eevees but Jolteon happens to be one of my favorite Eevees.

Now you're good at how much description you include it's not too much and it's not too little. It's pretty much just right.

You do pretty good with your description as well. You have about the right amount. I can definetly see what you want me to anyway.

As for your grammer. . .it's not doing as well. You repeat some words and I've even seen you use the wrong word in some cases. Also you've used a bit too many commas in some areas.

There's also one thing I don't quit understand. How did Mizu lose her sight? I know it was because of the potures and all but how?

Also how did Tsuki become an Umbreon? Was it because of her scar?

Those are really the only two things that I didn't quit understand.

Now you can count on me comming back to read the next chapters in this fic! Just PM me when you get them done, or after each one is done.

*~*Ivy*~*

Xiang
17th December 2005, 2:17 AM
Aye, I see I left a confusing cliffhanger and I need to clear up something too. That'll be done in the next two or three chapters; I'm the kind of person who likes to write stuff that leaves something out for it to be revealed later. And you got part of the transforming thing right.

Burakki: You said too much.

Whatever. I'll watch my commas, though, that's for sure.

Mizu: I can't believe you used my name in ze fic and turned me blind! For goodness sake, leave my name be!

Pichu: It's your name, not you, foo'. Show some respect fo' this awesome work.

Burakki: Will you two stop fighting? Anyways, Ratiasu just came back from a piano recital, thus leading the fact that she has made no progress since Tuesday.

Shut up.

Burakki: *ignores me* She's working on it right now. Well, actually after she finished checking her internet stuff.

Kaizer
17th December 2005, 4:54 AM
Ok, I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this, I've just been really busy lately. I've read the chapter and I must say it's pretty nice. It seemed a bit forced in places and didn't entirely make sense to me, but it was a good job nonetheless. There weren't any mistakes that caught my attention so that's good too.
The parts where it seemed a bit forced- it's been a while, but the hospital scene seemed a bit forced to me, as did the scenes where she's asked to go hunting.

As for my actual comments- I'm guessing she's blind because she hit her head on the bottom or something when she fell.

That's actually the only thing I'm able to guess on there.

Once again, I'm sorry for being so late in getting to this. Until next time,
;245;

Chareon
17th December 2005, 9:17 PM
Okay, here I am! I cannot wait for the next chappie to come out!
To all of you people on the blindness thing... Have you ever fallen into water with your eyes open? Like, off a diving board or something? It is entirely possible to go blind from that, although Ratiasu, you ought to explain that more... (if I'm right, but if I'm not then you really need to explain it better)

Mmkay, well, anyways, I'll be here waiting loyally for the next chappie *twiddles thumbs**gets bored**wanders off* On second thought, Pm me!

;196;~Chareon

Xiang
18th December 2005, 2:11 AM
Hm okay, but just to make sure people read this,

I don't mean to sound stuck-up or anything, and I didn't want to confuse you that badly, but I prefer to leave mysteries untouched until the characters come across the topic later. Sooner or later Mizu'll want to know what happened, and she'll most likely find a witness or something and ask. For now, even I have to get a little witty here. ^^;;

EDIT One: Progress again. 6 and 1/2 pages ^^. 1.5 pages to go!

EDIT Two: Not much. A bit more than seven pages, but guess what? I have

WRITER'S BLOCK! :o

Welcome to the realm of where every second you spend is every idea for literature, sciences, or arts are sapped from your mind! This blanket of evil has an unsteady growth rate. It grows and shirnks randomly, sometimes giving the victim a total mind block! But fear not! This case is rare, yet even small cases are fatal. Some results maybe abandoning a fanfiction, throwing away anything that survives the black hold of WB, or neglecting promised duties that require creativity! Smaller cases go away in usually around a week full of entertainment, or two weeks of boredom. Bigger cases require peer treating. WB is impossible to block, so watch out for it!

Thank you, and this is Doctor Cynthia at your service.

Xiang
25th December 2005, 8:38 PM
For Christmas, it's here. I battled through boredom, sisters, Writer's Block, and a cold for this. Yay.

The next chapter will hopefully clear a few things up.

I have this faint feeling that I'm going to get lots of crit for this chapter. Whaddya know- I'm not perfect!

Chapter Five

-Kali's POV-

She kept unnaturally quiet for the rest of the day. My heart ached for the Vaporeon. Her mixed-up world of negative thoughts and feelings became clearer through the mess of white clouds in her eyes. Ryu, the Jolteon, attempted to conjure up a scheme to get Mizu going, but when the Doctor scolded him and called him mischievous and immature, his face contorted into a concoction of fury and distaste. Now I know that they would not get along that easily.

The room Mizu would stay in for a while was roomy and immaculate. When she had the strength to walk again, it would be safer and easier to move about with more room, as she wouldn't be able to see what lay before her. And all hospital chambers were to be spotlessly clean.

At first washing down the floors and furniture, bringing in bird Pokemon to dust the corners, and balancing hundreds of trays covered in food to the patients was a painful chore, an endless bore of the mind and body, but now, I see it as a duty. No- I see it as my duty.

I hadn't realized how important my job was until now. Many like Mizu counted on me, so I had lives weighed on my shoulders. If I failed, so would the vitality of their unfortunate souls.

Mizu was pretty much drained of any warmth left in her now. I took another sorrowful look at her before heading into the hallways of the hospital. The tree that sheltered us now was just like the Mother Sycamore, except younger, smaller, and less sacred, but I was grateful. It was the closest we had to home. The walls and floors smelled sweet. The light shining from the ceiling didn't appear as lustrous as it was in the Mother Sycamore.

"What was that, dear?" Doctor asked me. Oh no. Perhaps I have thought out loud without realizing it.

"Um, it's Kali now. Forgive me, doctor," I responded quickly while slowly bowing down.

He stood there, towering and serious. The top of his head was in the shape of a crown; his body was white and coated slightly with a strange combination of fur and feathers. His wings were long and protruded from his back like celery in peanut butter, except that it was soft and feathery, yet it looked very sturdy and powerful.

His narrowed eyes softened. Togetic were naturally gentle creatures, and somehow I kept bringing out that side of him.

"It's alright, you've been working very hard."

He and I walked outside. The scenery was gray and even a little desolate. The hospital tree was at the edge of a plain with a couple of shrubs that crackled with dehydration and clumps of grass that had long stalks that quivered as they reached for the scarce sunlight.

Doctor looked at me.

"I have a feeling that my end, too is nearing. The waiting danger has its scent lingering in the air around me.

"This is giving me the feeling that I am destined to die, like your friend's very family. And I feel that it is important that you know this, so you would be ready for when that happens."

I trembled at his words. Would I ever be ready to lose him?

"I know you have grown attached to me," he said, and my heart banged against my chest. "It would be hard for you to lose me.

There is one thing I want though," he continued. "When I am gone for good, you are to take over the hospital."

"But-" I started frantically. I didn't possess the knowledge or courage to run a place in which lives were at stake!

He seemed to have read my mind, because he said to me, "you have the wisdom, the bravery, and strength to do this, Kali. You just need to find it."

"But why m-me?" I asked.

He put his gentle, furry hand on my cheek. It was warm to the touch. The heat climbed up my bones and veins and I felt more at ease.

"I know, Kali, because I watch you work. You tend to many helpless patients endlessly and rarely complained. You performed your duties faithfully and had the strength to pull through all the tragic happenings. But best of all, you were passionate, had the traits, felt the triumph, and followed the goal of a true healer.

You have much hidden talent and mastery with this job," he finished.

The wind stirred in unease as we walked back to the hospital.

That night I tossed, flipped, and moaned in my bed, filled with worry for Doctor and pity for Mizu. Doctor seemed so calm even when he scented his own upcoming death, but Mizu would never again see the light of day or the face of Ryu. I could not think of anything worse than losing your ability to see (excluding death). Mizu could no longer marvel over colors, see where she was going, or embrace the image of her family.

I wondered if in her dreams she could still soak in variety and images. Eventually everything will fade away, but for the time being, would she still hold them somewhere? Would she still remember the glory of light and mystery of night? Or would she lose the eye inside the workings of her mind as well?

I once thought having no memory was bad enough. But memory isn't lost forever, just certain thoughts and events were lost, but with each passing second, you got a new bit of memory, but if you were blind, eventually you would forget everyone's faces, shapes, and colors, and never again will you get anymore than you had of it.

The moon was a pale, radiant, and white waning gibbous. Its rays penetrated the midnight sky as they made their way through the atmosphere. The image caused my mind to stir in turmoil as something was coming to me. I felt like I was lifted off my bed, signaling that I had fallen asleep.

I was in a field of flowers. The wind sighed and the moon was full. The flowers glowed with light aura covering their quaint, peach-colored petals. A small, female human with pitch-black hair, a ripped black garment, one blue eye, and one silver eye collapsed in the grass. I tiptoed closer for a look, staying hidden in the grass. Something was very familiar about this human, although I wasn't sure what. Could it be that she was part of my past?

She lay exhausted on the ground, and her chest rose and fell in a quick rhythm, as if she had been running. Her eyes looked tired and she reached for a flower. Then she ate a petal of it, swallowing gratefully.

"No!" I tried to scream, as I knew these flowers were fatal, in a way, to humans. The courage and sound of my voice was drowned by a combination of the breeze and my own fear. Her eyes flashed and she groaned in pain, falling to the ground like a dead bird. Her still body started to glow and the air around her started to ripple, and she transformed.

She was now...

Me.

I opened my eyes and saw the familiar walls of my room. That girl, she was my past. She was me.

This dream was too real, to dramatically familiar and believable, for anyone to see it as a plain nightmare. A thought sparked in my head, but the flashes were dim yet quick. I didn't have much time to interpret it.

I just plain couldn't interpret it. Now I knew that I was once human, and that the midnight flower had transformed me into my current state, but that told me nothing else. Who was she? No, who am I? What was it that happened to make me do something like that?

The room glowed with fresh sunlight now. Today we moved all the patients back to the Mother Sycamore. Takibi herself announced that, as she spent a whole day to check if it was safe. She reported that the scent of the humans that raided our territory was now stale and old, so it would be a good idea to go home.

Today was going to be a busy day, I thought as I cleaned up my room and reported to a hospital room where I was on duty.

The patient inside was a Gardevoir. She was a Psychic-type Pokemon that had a human-like hour-glass figure. Her hair was short and curved upwards, touching her cheek. A red fin-like flab of skin protruded from her chest, and although it seemed that the dress she wore was a garment, it actually was part of her body.

Her face was as white as the very sheets she lay on, and her forehead was speckled with beads of sweat. Her belly area bulged. Alright, she was pregnant. I was going to have to put the journey out of my mind for now and live up to Doctor's praise.

-Narrator's POV-

Bryan slumped at Rico's door, holding up a bundle of skins. Fortunately the poachers had gotten their act back together and caught several more pests on the way back so Bryan wouldn't have been skinned alive.

He rested his hand on the door. His muscles received the signal, he stretched his arm out to push the door open. The room was shadowy as usual, and only through a covered window did light seep through, looking unusual in the midst of the shadows. The chair Rico sat in had its back facing the door.

Rico's sneer cut the air like a shard of dry ice as he swerved around in his chair. Only his glinting, narrowed eye was visible in the darkness. "I've been expecting you."

The icy voice sent snakes of fear wiggling down Bryan's spine, forcing him to bow. Wow, Bryan thought, he's good.

"The skins?" Rico asked, holding a hand out.

Bryan was disgusted at the sight of the fragile structure of bones and skin Rico called a hand. However, his face remained straight as the white branches attached to knuckles clamped on the skins gratefully. The slit of a pupil slid downward to look at the skins. They rose back up to look at Bryan.

"You've done well," Rico said. "But, this is only satisfactory."

Bryan cringed. Okay, so maybe they didn't do so well at first. Would he live?

Rico threw the skins to Bryan's feet in disgust. "I do not want satisfactory from anyone working for me!" he hissed. "I need brilliance, surplus of effort, and performance that is outstanding! I will never need a dry amount like this!"

Bryan flinched. Now the shard of ice was slashing at his ears.

"Leave at once, and return when you think you've got what it takes to climb up the ladder of success!" Rico bellowed.

Bryan ran from the room, upset. First mission? A failure!

He sulked on the bed of his dormitory. The room itself provided even less comfort with its grey, drab walls covered in ragged and torn wallpapers. The windows made the pure sunshine look like artificial light, and they were coated in dust. The beds creaked under weight, and the room was always either extremely cold or really warm. The blankets were thin and small, and the floor was always littered with remains of food and tainted with the stale fume of liquor. If Bryan put his opinion in just three words, he would say,

"I hate it," he muttered. "I hate it!" he said in a risen voice.

"I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!" he screamed, each time getting louder. His face turned red with the effort to break through the barriers of his freedom. His voice merely bounced off the walls, provoking his anger further. His walls refused to let any sound pass.

"Why you," he threatened, jabbing his finger at the wall. He pictured himself ramming into the wall and crumbling both its interior and exterior into debris as the impact of his assault slammed against its surface. Then he realized how stupid he was acting. He was blaming his problems on the wall, and even threatening the lifeless, useless object.

"I gotta do somethin' 'bout that temper," he moaned.

Bryan wasn't the only one who felt, or was feeling, a chill in the breeze, which was the signal of terror and danger. Beyond the convolution of fences, and across a rough terrain, we come to a source of life and light. Among the dead shrubs, which were coated with gray dust and consisted of loose piles of twigs, a tree stood with glorious pride. Its light brown bark seemed to glow in contrast of the empty, lifeless tundra. Its leaves were plentiful and acted as a shield against evil.

But even the shield couldn't block that sickening drop of temperature whisked away and back in the winds. Everyone was either too busy, happy, or sleeping to feel the fangs of arctic gusts that felt like thorns of ice piercing the skin. Only one creature could sense it.

Doctor stared blankly out of the window. His room was airy and gloomy. There was no point in trying to tidy it up. Ghosts, otherwise known as messengers of misfortune, hovered in the room, concealed behind a blanket of invisibility. Doctor knew they were here, and he couldn't do anything about it.

The tip of his wing quivered. Aye, they were here, waiting for him. They knew he knew that they were there. It was like standing in a room with Death and pretending such a hideous creature didn't exist. He was coming closer, and with fangs and claws that oozed venom, he would pierce your inside and let the acids do their biting. Yet instead of tearing you out physically, he would rip out your soul from the container that held you all those years.

Doctor wasn't one to panic. He took everything as it came. That was really unusual in comparison to Mizu's situation. Mizu had a perfectly cheerful dormitory that had colors and light. Her room was pure and neat, but much more clear than her mood. It was a hurricane of fury and confusion and a shower of sorrow beating itself over and over in the small, furry, and blue body. She only moved to blink, breathe, and ate only enough to prevent the breath of her body from fading away. Ribs were starting to show, and pretty quickly did her face transform from bright, shining light, to a gaunt, hollow mask shielding others from the commotion inside her.

This particular day she choose to stare at whatever direction she first directed her face at when she woke. It was a matter of keeping almost completely still so a sightless one wouldn't go off track. The scent of Ryu was growing stronger, but her three ears (that resembled fins) couldn't detect another soul in the room.

The emptiness was spooky. It was so quiet that Mizu could almost hear the air moving through the air and then slapping against each other.

Or at least she believed that the room was very empty, but in truth, she couldn't tell. Then another thought came into mind: how did she become blind? It was like Kali and her memory; there was a gap in their minds where knowledge was missing.

A soft and unsteady tapping reached Mizu's worn ears and Ryu's scent overflowed her nostrils. Her other sensory body parts were even more sensitive now that she relied on them more.

"Ryu? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me. This is my room too," he replied flatly.

"Well excuse me, I couldn't tell," Mizu muttered.

"Sorry," Ryu said quickly. "It must be hard not being able to see anything."

Mizu snorted. "You don't share my pain, Ryu. Did anything cripple you?"

There was an intensely burning silence, and Mizu turned red after realizing how rashly she had stated that.

"As a matter of fact, yes," Ryu said slowly. "It isn't all that bad, but I have a nagging pain in my back paws, especially my right one, so walking is painful. That's why I limp around. Humans are so lucky, you know? They have all this technology to help them, but look at us! We're much worse off even if we are stronger."

There was another silence of uncertainty, but both their spirits were at ease and felt no tension.

Mizu shattered the quiet atmosphere like a rock through a glass window. "I really want to see your face, Ryu."

"Yeah, those days. Memories, memories. You know, this is the first time you've spoken since a while. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, I guess. Where are you right now? I can't really tell because your scent seems to be everywhere."

She felt a jab on her cheek and almost jumped with surprise.

"I'm right next to you," Ryu teased.

Mizu screamed. "Aaiieee! Ryu, don't do it!"

"Do what?"

Mizu felt her face glow warm as she blushed and said, "never mind."

Ryu laughed. "Oh, that. I wouldn't." Then he murmured playfully under his breath," at least not yet." He got off the bed as he heard footsteps down the hall.

Kali looked worried. You could tell by her eyes, even though one was partially shadowed by her long bangs. "I thought I heard a scream!" Her eyes usually couldn't grow any bigger, but nonetheless they widened further. "Mizu, you're up! Your face isn't so pale and expressionless! Rejoice, she has returned!" Kali cheered.

Mizu rolled her unclear eyes. "Kali, you only knew me for two minutes. Then it got quiet."

Kali ignored her flatness. "You are feeling better now, correct?"

"I guess, but how would you be able to tell?"

Kali was growing exasperated. "You're usually sweet, rash, and sometimes can get wishful."

"You're right about the 'rash' part, but 'sweet?'" Ryu asked, obviously teasing Mizu.

"Oh, stop that," Mizu scolded and giggled.

The conversation continued in the room. Doctor remained still at his window, staring out at the land and sky, searching for His signal.

Lightning flashed among the grey clouds and thunder boomed and rolled around like a snake lashing and thrashing towards the ground from smoky holds. Doctor moved, at last.

"That is the signal," he muttered.

---

Compare:
Kali: (formerly Tsuki) Kind, polite, modest.

Tsuki: (now Kali) Cold, cruel, haughty (well sorta XD)

Ratiasu

Aipika
26th December 2005, 5:50 AM
NOOOOO!!!! I'M SORRY I DIDN'T POST FOR SO LONG!!! *sniffle* please don't hate me. I love your fic and everything but it seems I've been caught up with stuff. Please just don't ignore me! WAHHH! I feel so bad! I have caught up again at least that's a good thing. As usual, your story is magnificent. I have to go now. I like fog. It's foggy right now. I like looking at fog. I'm not weird thank you.

Xiang
26th December 2005, 3:21 PM
It's OK...

*waits for crit*

I'm planning on making the next chapter shorter than this, so I can get it to you in around two weeks (busy busy busy). I don't know how some authors write, er, type so fast. I don't even have a spellcheck thing, so no grammar check either. (I don't have Word, that's why.)

Hamner
26th December 2005, 9:49 PM
I felt like i should use word and spell check... i didn't notice any major problems while i was reading it... because it was a really good chapter but here's what Word had to say:
-If I failed, so would [the the] vitality of their unfortunate souls. -2 the's?
-'He stood there, towering and serious. The top of his head was in the shape of a crown[,]' -that comma should be a semi colon... ;
-'You have much hidden talent and mastery with this [job,"]he finished... ' -you forgot a space...
-'tossed [and[ flipped and moaned ' -too many and's the bold one could be a comma...
-'Bryan cringed. Okay, so maybe they didn't do so [good] at first. Would he live?' -Should be well... but it doesn't really matter
-'"I gotta do somethin' 'bout that temper[,"he] moaned. -space
-'"[n]ever mind." -should be a captial

These are just nit picky things, i really like the story, and i'll keep reading it untill it's finished

Sike Saner
26th December 2005, 10:16 PM
the fangs of arctic gusts that felt like thorns of ice piercing the skin

^ Very cool. When I see coldness, ice, anything of that nature described in a really neat manner like that, it makes me very happy, indeed. ^_^

That was a very enjoyable chapter. Very clarifying with regards to Tsuki/Kali. Good and creepy, too. Brrr...something wicked this way comes, indeed...While looking through it, if there were errors about, they must have been quite few and minor because none come to my mind right now...not that I really have the eye for that, though, mind you. If it's that kind of crit you want, you'd do well to look elsewhere. :p

Anyway, great chapter there. ^_^

Xiang
26th December 2005, 10:39 PM
Hamner: Please stick around. I love nitpickers. *will fix errors ASAP.

Sike Saner: Glad- no- estatic (How the f do you spell that?) that you liked it. ^^

I'm recovering from a cold right now, so there will be slight delay. *cough*

Fire_Fairy
31st December 2005, 4:09 AM
Hey Ratiasu! Sorry. I've been reading but not reviewing! What I've read so far is so good! It's a little confusing but still great!

g2g,

FF

Xiang
1st January 2006, 3:27 PM
Guys, when I ask for reviews, I ask for posts that show me what's wrong instead of just saying so. I like it when you review and compliment, but I prefer it if your review show me you read it thoroughly and you didn't just skim the thing and pick up a few things from other reviews. Say what you liked, not if you like it. Say what was confusing, not if it was. I'd like to know WHY, not what.

Progress: one and a half pages done. My fingers....yow.

Flame Man
1st January 2006, 7:24 PM
Hi, I like how you have done the fic. Comparing Kali and Tsuki, They seem like two diffferent people. But, it does make sense. I have heard of some people that awhile having amnesia, they basically change personalities. I assume that this is one of those times.

Characters: 10/10 I like how much discription and personality that you gave all of the characters. They seem completley origional.

Plot: 10/10 You don't give too many hints about what is gonna happen. When you don't, it keeps people guessing.

Overall: 10/10 This has the potential to be a grate fic.

P.S. Expect a PM from me later.

Xiang
1st January 2006, 10:17 PM
Thank you, FM. Progress: Two pages and going on.

Xiang
3rd January 2006, 11:59 PM
Credit to Flame Man for editing this chapter. And yes, it's short. I know that. It was supposed to be.

Chapter 6

Thunder roared like lions in distress. People down below feared lightning, but not so much as the Pokemon. Pokemon only lived to eat, fight, reproduce, and live in their society in content, or so it seemed. Some Pokemon wanted to make a difference, like Doctor for example. He had a heart and passion for caring for others, so he started a Pokemon hospital.

But there are some things Pokemon don't understand. And when you don't know enough about a fear, you fear it even more. Cries droned all night and were lost with the morning wind. Doctor stared out at the shrub land. He thought to leave now, but he wasn't sure if the lightning was a warning for them to stay or a signal to go. They couldn't stay here forever; food and water were scarce and weather conditions were harsh, not to mention that there were powerful predator Pokemon out there.

Sada opened the room and shivered. "Brother, what is your decision?"

Doctor turned halfway to his sister and stared at the wall with empty, gray eyes. "We leave today before the winter chill, sister. All patients are to be protected at all times."

Sada curtsied and hustled out of the room. "Protection for patients, yep yep, coming right up!" She hustled to a room she visited many times before, the room with the blind patient and a limping one. Kali was the one who looked thin now; she was giving up her meals to feed the patients.

Mizu could sense Kali's thin body shaking in an effort to do her job as a nurse. "You eat, Kali, I'm not hungry. I'm sitting here day after day and filling myself up while you're turning into a raisin."

Kali croaked weakly. "Today we leave, Mizu. Do it for everyone's sake."

"Just eat some of it, Kali; you need your strength too."

"You're very kind," Kali laughed. When she had her share, her voice was restored quite a bit to its smooth sound again. "Ryu will protect you on the way back, as there are enemies, powerful enemies out there that may bring danger among us."

"But I would prefer to be a protector too, Kali. I could use my sense of smell and my hearing and I could manage."

"Managing isn't enough."

"I could protect the little ones," Mizu offered.

"We already have some patrols there."

"Please, can I do something?"

"Alright, you can help Ryu, but I have to get Doctor's approval."

Mizu muttered to herself as Kali went out the room to ask Doctor's consent. After a while, she came back. "He advises you to be very cautious."

"That is a yes?"

"Correct."

Mizu laughed with joy and stood up with her four legs on the floor. "I'll be careful, don't worry."

The buzzing of commotion echoed down the hallway, signaling the start. The bug Pokemon came hovering noisily down the hallway. Patients were transferred into carriages. You could infer that these man-made carriages were rescued from some dump, and then cleaned thoroughly because they seemed old with their creaking and whining squeaks. Ponyta were seen outside, waiting patiently as the wind tossed their fiery manes for them, and their black hooves remained still on the ground.

The carriages were hitched to them and as the patrols gathered outside, they started to move. Creaking of wheels sounded over and over and everything seemed to go fine. All warriors except Mizu looked straight forward at all times. Ryu guided his blind friend so she wouldn't go off-track.

Doctor led the front and Sada followed up in the back. It was a gray and dreary day again. The sun was trapped behind clouds that looked heavy with rain and had steely, venomous glares in place of sunlight. The ground soon was covered in a chilling mist that fogged the terrain and increased the danger. Soon even the Pokemon with perfect vision could only see two feet in front of them. Some Pokemon couldn't see their feet, but Mizu was unaffected. She felt nothing different, except that the once warm earth under her paws turned to smooth, cold stone. She could feel the lifelessness in the ground, as if the earth was a breathing spirit with pores on its surface that held life and the stone was like an inactive graveyard.

The ground began to slope downhill. Ryu found it harder to keep an eye on his friend with his hindered vision. They walked for hours without any disturbances, until a crackling and footsteps were heard ahead. The patrols lowered themselves in a ready-to-pounce stance with every muscle prepared to leap and every claw ready to rake.

A rattling was heard and then the area remained silent. Some loosened their tense grip, but then shadows cleared through the mist.

The stench of man and Pokemon wafted around, and a human voice, possibly female, growled, "Tear them to shreds, Lion."

And with that, yells of male humans roused the Pokemon. A snarling, greedy, and large rodent came barreling out of the fog like an angry dog. It thrashed and spat at the large group and tackled a patrol Mightyena. It scratched the Mightyena with its claws and the black wolf Pokemon knocked it over and bit into its white, but soiled fur.

Lion's army of enemies came out of the shadows, and the humans were laughing as if they were enjoying this. Every patrol had a match-up. Ryu was pinned to the ground by a vicious Raticate. The enormous rat bared its large fangs and Ryu pushed it off in fear. Mizu evaded the assaults as best as she could. A swiping paw came out of nowhere and struck her in the side. She rolled over and stood up next to Ryu.

"This is a massacre. You don't know if you're attacking your own side," Ryu hissed.

Kali fell at his feet and she got up. Her fur was stained in a couple of places, and she gasped for breath. The movements of the fighters blew the mist away, revealing who was fighting who. The opponents stared at each other for a second and some backed off because they had been swiping at a fellow teammate. After that, the Raticate pinned Mizu to the ground. She was already blinded and confused, and then wires of pain spiraled through her as the enormous rat used its hind leg claws to rip at her leg. Ryu, who knocked a scarlet-colored, big dog over, limped even worse as he tried to sink his teeth into the Raticate. Mizu squealed in pain and thrashed. The rat flew off her and earned an electric shock from Ryu.

Katima grinned as Lion, her Linoone, tore the Mightyena he fought to lifeless scraps of fur. Then Lion proceeded to the carriages, which were left wide open. Doctor spotted the approaching danger and wagged his fingers as they glowed. The Metronome technique filled him with burning energy and he released a bright, powerful beam from his mouth that hit the Linoone square on, pushing it over a gorge. It fell and fell until it could not be seen. Katima wailed in distress at the loss of her companion. The patrols saw this and remembered that they had more power than just brutal force. Water, leaves, vines, fire, smog, and everything else shot in different directions. Doctor, who had once been hovering, fell to the ground with a thud in exhaustion from his attack.

Kali rushed over and sat next to him. She raised her head to the cloudy sky and howled. A fake, but full moon shone over his body and sparkles engulfed him, ridding his bones of ache and stress. He nodded thanks to the nurse Umbreon before finding another opponent.

Screams and yelps rose from the battlefield like steam from a boiling water kettle. Some patrols chased after the humans mercilessly. Kali bared her teeth and growled. The humans flung some of the patrols into the gorge. Among them was Kali. She sailed through the air helplessly and disappeared beyond the cliff. Doctor and Ryu stopped their fighting and watched in horror as the black cat-like Pokemon fell in Lion's footsteps. Mizu sensed her disappearance and ran to the cliff, knowing that Kali had fallen off. However, her sightless eyes did not see that the edge of the cliff had came to her feet sooner than she thought, and she slipped and fell. A sadness overwhelmed Ryu like a drooping curtain. His friends were gone.
---
*waits for crit*

Aipika
5th January 2006, 12:27 AM
Will ya stop waiting for crits? Geez! Give yourself some credit! You did an awesome job! I like the battle though a bit bloody but still amazing. Description allowed me to see the battle like watching television :P

Ki the Aipom: Whoa. What happened? My head hurts like none before. I feel dizzy and-

*drops on the floor with swirls in his eyes.

Heh. Anyways, though this chapter may be short, the brilliance of it replaces it. 'Til next time.

-Aipika

Xiang
5th January 2006, 1:35 AM
Okay, so maybe I should loosen up, but my fic isn't perfect, that's for sure. I turned down advice once, and things got reaaaally ugly from there. And plus, I want to become of them great ones, but in order to do that, I'll have to practically ASK for advice. ^-^;;

Sike Saner
5th January 2006, 4:27 AM
THE ACTION! Fwee, I didn't see that coming. Very cool. Plus, there were no grammatical or spelling errors, at least none that I could find.

You've left us with a cliffhanger, quite literally. Makes me very curious about what comes next. ^_^

Xiang
6th January 2006, 2:24 AM
^thanks to Flame Man and his Microsoft Word!

Progress: Um...half a page. ._.;;

Flame Man
6th January 2006, 3:31 AM
Aw shuks, thanks for the credit. Anyway, the fic has very good potential. Some parts I think, were a little rushed. A little more detail, and this may be one of the best stories around.

Xiang
7th January 2006, 2:20 AM
Glad to hear that. I did notice that it was rushed, but I tried to slow the pace down, but then...it sounded REALLY corny. x_X;; I'm just too lazy...

A page now....you realize that since Winter Break's over for me, I think I'm going on a WB again....

Hamner
7th January 2006, 11:29 PM
I only noticed one really confusing sentence,

'You could infer that these man-made carriages were rescued from some dump, and then cleaned thoroughly [because of the sound of their age.]'

the blocked out part ([blah]) is what didn't really make sence to me... maybe it would make more sence if it was worded "because they sounded old"

I love your writing because you don't expect some things to happen like Mizu running off the cliff by mistake.

Xiang
8th January 2006, 2:31 AM
Thank you so much, and I'll get to that rightawayz.

Progress: One page and a line. At least I went somewhere! :D

Chareon
21st January 2006, 5:25 AM
Hi hi hi!! So sorry I haven't replied for such a long while, but, here i am, and, well, here is my review:

Plot: 9/10- great concept, I just can't see where it's going yet...
Characters: 8.5/10-You've got a good beginning, but you seem to be "killing off" main characters way too fast. I'm having trouble figuring out which one is the main one... The plot started with Kali, but she "died", then went to Mizu, but she went blind, and occasionally it flicks over to Brian... *is confused* I find that if I try to read my Fic from my readers perspective it helps clear such confusion...
Description: 100/10- awesome! The metaphors add a lot, as do the normal descriptions. Great job!
Overall: ...wait for it, I'm doing the math... *thinks* *gets out calculator* 39.16/10!! Congrats!

PM me!

;196;~ Chareon

Xiang
21st January 2006, 6:58 PM
Eheheheheheh. ^_^ Thanks for review. I tend to confuse people. so I'm taking that into consideration in the next chapter, which is one reason why I'm taking a Looooonnnnngg time. XB

Progress: I can't tell where I'm going. I'm changing things over and over until I start half of it over, then I edit something here, reread this, change it, add something here, get rid of that, making me edit this, and all that over and over. XB I don't know when I'll get it up at this rate.

Anyways, thank you all for reviewing.

Xiang
22nd January 2006, 8:07 PM
CREDIT TO FLAME MAN FOR BETA-ing (er, wha?) THIS CHAPTER! :D

Anyways, slight gore. Nothing over PG-13, though.

Chapter 7

Kali felt as if gravity was swallowing her. An image flashed in her mind, and she recognized it as one of her forgotten dreams. Was this a sign? The image was an Umbreon falling down a hole in the mist. Nothing else came together...

Her body hit the end of the ride. A thud was heard next to her, and the dusty scent of Mizu filled her nostrils. At least this one familiar scent gave some comfort to her.

But then with a prickling chill of horror, she caught the odor of Lion. Mizu sensed her friend nearby, but wandered, confused in the mist. Lion was weak and wobbly, but still much stronger than Mizu and Kali combined. He towered above the fog, giving him an advantage as he could see his enemies.

Lion grew tense and his fur stood on end. He lowered his body into the blanket of white dust, remembering where his prey stood. He leapt with a yowl, claws outstretched. Kali rolled over, frightened. Suspense floated in the air, taunting and torturing her as she expected a surprise attack from Lion in any second.

Lion emerged from the mist again and knocked Kali over. She yelped, which caught Mizu's attention. Mizu hustled to where her ears believed the sound came from, and she shot a rainbow-colored beam in a random direction.

Lion was captured by the attack's mysterious beauty. The colors wafted around inside the glowing beams as if they were just wisps of smoke. The beam hit him with a cruel, icy slash, and he felt like ice was tearing his shoulder in two. It pushed him back, and his paws scraped the ground.

His low, rumbling growl echoed through the gorge like a boomerang made of sound. Kali spotted him in a clearing in the fog and nudged to her sightless friend to signal, so Mizu kept her body close to Kali's, and they both crept up on him with their bodies low. Mizu shot the icy Aurora Beam at him again, freezing his feet to the rocky ground. Kali finished him with a bite, and he lay there, unconscious but not dead.

"Where are we?" Mizu asked.

Kali sniffed the ground in hope of finding an answer. "I don't know, although we did fall in here..." Her paws felt the ground for a sign of a way up. Her eye caught a ledge a couple of fox-lengths away. She breathed in excitement. "Mizu, come here! There's a ledge up high we can use to get up!"

Mizu nodded without a word. Kali set a paw on the steep bedrock and pushed upwards on it to jump onto the ledge. Mizu listened for the tapping of her friend's feet and sighed. If only she could see the ledge...

She leapt and felt her paws scrape a couple of pebbles as she slid back down.

"To your left a little more- that's it! Jump!"

Mizu got on her hind legs and pushed off the ground. She felt herself fly through the air before landing on flat ground. With a sigh of relief, they climbed back up the slope, but only ended up lost.

They kept low and quiet, and their feet were slow and light to keep the noise down. Mizu felt her partner's body heat flowing out next to her, so she felt safe.

Fear scent grew stronger as so did Lion's odor of blood. Lion climbed up from the ledge, his mouth foaming and bloodthirsty. He drank in the fear scent and could feel blood waiting for him to taste nearby. He lunged randomly and Mizu's fear scent became overpowering. She couldn't see the enemy.

Lion abruptly clamped his jaws around Mizu's neck and felt content as the sticky, scarlet liquid oozed into his mouth. Mizu panicked and thrashed, but Lion, being twice her size and strength lifted her off the ground and got ready to relish the salty flavor of blood. Mizu went limp.

Kali's eyes flashed, and they showed more than fury. She wanted to rip that animal to bits of fur. She felt a layer of ice slide over her heart, and her body chilled. She felt cold and cruel towards the opponent and her eyes glinted in preparation for revenge. She sprang onto his back and clawed into it, covering his back with scars. He yelped and jumped about, and she was sent flying through the air.

Kali twisted her flexible body and landed on her feet. The impact of the landing only traveled through her paw. Lion released his victim and slashed Kali in the side and rammed into her, sending her crashing into a boulder. She was knocked out.

Lion eyed the two victims. "Which one should I devour first?"

"You won't devour anything," said a voice.

Lion spun around and observed his surroundings. A spiky shadow appeared in the mist, and Ryu glared at him.

"Your evil will gain you nothing. You will pay and get what you deserve."

Lion snorted. "What can you do?"

Ryu didn't answer. He closed his eyes calmly and breathed. The wind started to stir in unrest. Lion stared at him, confused. The wind made his fur sway like grass, and after a tense moment, he opened his eyes. Lion jumped, startled.

Ryu then yowled to the sky. The clouds replied with a sword of lightning that branched down faster than Lion could see it. The Pokemon blinked and was struck by lightning. His body quivered as it was engulfed in flashing sparks. He was dead before he was released from the cage of electricity.

Kali awoke again, her mind frenzy. She eyed Lion's still body and Ryu. "You did it?"

Ryu ignored her and limped over to Mizu. Then he spoke. "I couldn't do a physical attack, not in my condition." He nudged Mizu with his nose. Her breathing almost seemed invisible. Kali, being a nurse, examined her. "I came in time...I got away from the fighting."

She nodded slowly and sniffed at the ragged wound that still leaked blood and gulped. "I don't think she's going to make it without care. I'll go look for the herbs, but I don't know if they'll be in this area." Tears of hopelessness coursed down her face and she sighed. "I'll do my best." Kali scampered off, leaving Ryu to look down at his friend.

He rubbed his face against her side and felt that her body was cooling, but she still was breathing softly. To keep her warm, the Jolteon sat down next to her. He caught Mizu's fear scent. "Don't worry, Mizu. I'm here."

Her body relaxed a little, and her fear scent faded slightly, but her fright of death still wafted in the air. Ryu licked the top of her head to calm her down. "I-I won't let you die, okay? Just hang on..."

Kali returned with some spicy-smelling dried leaves and set them down on the ground. She ground them to powder quickly and sprinkled it over Mizu. It slowed the blood.

"I'm afraid the herbs are extremely scarce here, so we'll have to rest and wait for nature to decide tonight." She hid her face, ashamed that she couldn't do any more for her friend.

The ground was as cold and silent as a calm ghost. Everything was completely dark during night, but the fog still remained as white as it would in day. Kali watched the fog fly around in darkness as if it was something hovering in nothing.

The night was like a message carrier. Kali felt a drop in temperature, and a part of her throat hollowed out. White feathers floated out of the fog, and Kali recognized them as Doctor's. That was a sign that he no longer lived in this world.

Her rest was, well hypocritically speaking, restless. She could trace out Doctor's form in the stars of the sky. She could see his shape dance in the mist. She could hear his voice rustling the bushes. She could feel the soft beating of his wings ruffle her fur. She could sense, somehow, his spiritual presence. In her mind, she could speak to him.

"Doctor, I have a favor to ask. Your spirit is with me, and my words will be carried with the wind. Clear my mind of sorrow and cold fog and protect my friends."

Like exhausted fighters of the dawn, she went to her sleep and waited for the energy of the sunrise that signaled a new day.
---
Ratiasu

Aipika
22nd January 2006, 11:47 PM
Hey Ratiasu! Hi hi hi. I just read your story (obviously) and I don't know what to say. That doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing its just that I used up all my words. I can't think of any words @_@ But can I ask you something? Is the doctor dead already? (I'm ashamed to say I forgot the name. I got to review.) Till next time!

-Aipika

Xiang
22nd January 2006, 11:51 PM
Doctor is his name. (I edited it, as I see I left something out. )

:D

Progress: About 10-15% done.

Sike Saner
31st January 2006, 1:40 AM
Ryu then yowled to the sky. The clouds replied with a sword of lightning that branched down faster than Lion could see it. The Pokemon blinked and was struck by lightning. His body quivered as it was engulfed in flashing sparks. He was dead before he was released from the cage of electricity.

That was cool. ^^


She could trace out Doctor's form in the stars of the sky. She could see his shape dance in the mist. She could hear his voice rustling the bushes. She could feel the soft beating of his wings ruffle her fur.

And so was that. The language right there was particularly lovely. ^^

Lion was...pretty unnerving. Still, I do kind of miss him already - I like being disturbed, you see. ;D But the lightning attack was very boss, absolutely. So that kind of evens out in a curious way. ^^

katiekitten
9th February 2006, 5:01 PM
*rushes in, carrying a sorry card*

Sorry for not being here since the Prologue! I got very busy, and then it was hard to catch up, but I am here now. :)

This is a lovely story, Ratiasu! I missed so much... I did get a little confused with what species Pinku was, but that doesn't really matter now, does it? Ah well.

I am really enjoying this, it is really well written. The story just grabs me by the neck and drags me in. I especially liked the last two chapters, the action was wonderful, I could see the entire battle. Interesting idea of having the Pokemon know how to use the carriages and the Ponyta actually agreeing with it, I would have thought that they would have to cut a bargain with the horses, as they might not be so willing. But what you have is fine. :)

Keep up the good work!

Xiang
9th February 2006, 10:54 PM
Thank you so much, katiekitten, you don't know how easily discouraged I can get. (As in lack of reviews, not harsh reviews. But I like positive reviews too, they make me feel lighter. :))

Xiang
26th February 2006, 4:53 PM
*pant* *pant* I finally got it done! It was short, but took a long time; so sorry! I myself wasn't really too pleased about the length, but meh. A lot of explaining is done here, I think I confuzzled myself along the way. Any mistakes or confusion, please point it out. I tried to proofread but I'm missing my typo eye right now...

Violence: None

Gore: None

Profanity: A bit

Good chapter: Not sure

On with it!

Chapter 8

The sky was in layers of color, yet only the natural yellow glow touched the Earth. Clouds filled with promise drifted slowly across the stretch of sky, birds racing among them. They brought no silent cheer, nor loud clash of happiness, just a calm air that all felt. The wind was like a warm breath, sending waves of leaves blowing from the south. There was a message that some waited for.

Ryu stirred, then Kali, and they both looked to Mizu for a sign of life. The morning was so silent, you could hear the heartbeat of more than one, but you weren't sure how many creatures were breathing. Mizu purred faintly as though even motioning that she was alive drained her, and Ryu smiled, relieved anyway. Nature had indeed run its course in the direction he wished for it to.

Joy tickled the three everywhere, and they helped the frail friend up. "I thought I lost you," Ryu sighed.

Mizu wobbled on her legs. She felt as if some of her limbs were missing and her legs lacked sufficient energy to stand up, but the happiness kept her blood running. "Thanks for staying by me," she croaked. "You're the best friends I could ever have."

Kali nodded, but felt slightly depressed anyway. "I have a feeling that everyone else isn't doing very well."

Ryu and Mizu stared at her. Ryu then spoke up. "We should get back with everyone else so Mizu can get some more care."

Kali nodded, but she had a sinking feeling that they may not stumble upon anything pleasant...

They walked through the rocky area, slowed by the heat and hunger. Their feet seemed to stick to the ground, lowering any chance of progress. It was like trudging through snow, except for the fact that there was no snow and the temperature seemed to boil any water they would've drank. The ground almost seemed to be melting, when Kali realized that what she was seeing was real.

Some red liquid trickled down in a tiny rivulet, and appeared to be a tributary of a tiny lava flow. The air smelled as if it itself had been charred by the warm aura of the cooling magma. The burning atmosphere made Kali's fur feel like its tips have been dipped in acid. They looked really unusual next to the brown earth and bits of vegetation.

Snakes of lava hissed at the passerby, not moving from their course. There was a momentary glare of anonymous light, then some frightening shaking, then another snake of lava hissed up ahead. Smoke concealed the clouds, and when the mist cleared, a mountain spewed lava. The volcano seemed alive as it groaned, and its spout jerked abruptly to the side as smoke and magma erupted from their hold.

"The volcano's erupting!" Kali yelled. Ryu fell over from another shaking of the ground. Mizu was sent flying after another, and Ryu caught her. His paws took the weight, and he started running with Kali.

Dragons of the hot liquid pursued them like angered bulls that saw only crimsom and hate.

"We've got to get out of here!" Kali yelled.

"As if I didn't already know!" Ryu shouted back. For a second all four of his paws would be in the air, then they directed the weight of both Mizu and Ryu himself to the ground through his paws. The territory they were running into was misty again, but Kali recognized something about it.

The lava flow's red glow pierced through the mist without the white barrier of fog hindering its speed. The farther you went, the faster it came, as if it was sliding downhill with jaws of acid-like liquid dripping from its fangs. Its rumbling voice chanted, making their hearts beat faster in fear, as if rain drops shot from inside their chests.

It was a race; their strength fueled only by the fact that death was behind them. Ryu didn't just run with the wind, he ran with a hurricane.

They could hear lava swallowing the baked ground behind them like a metal everyday fork and some jelly. Kali ran ahead, sped uphill, then downhill, and crashed into something. Ryu went around it, and the dazed Umbreon got up slowly.

"This... This is the carriages that were used to carry the hospitalized," Kali told her friend. "B-but it's deserted..."

Some mysterious wind blew in ripples from where the carriages stood. The wind whipped the mist away, and Kali then wanted to erase her memory again.

Bodies were strewn everywhere, some ripped into halves, thirds, anything. Kali shuddered and Ryu squeaked.

Kali closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, it was all a dream, she was laying in her sleeping spot...not. Her eyes opened, and the same horrid scene hung in front of her. Nothing was more pitiful and cruel as this sight; it sketched the great clash that brought lifelessness to those who either fought or did not. But among the death and gray shadows, a tear rolled down Mizu's face from her blank eyes.

"Whether I would've died or not," she began, "I wouldn't have been alone."

'You're not alone,' the air seemed to say.

Ryu shook angrily. "This fighting- it's doing nothing but taking others away from us."

'You're not alone,' the sky repeated as clouds started to part.

Only Kali seemed to hear. "You're not alone!"

"Kali, I know Doctor's gone, and I'm really sorry. But pull yourself together!" Ryu shouted over his friend's unusual yelling.

"I'm not going to give up," Kali snapped back. "I'm not going to let down all these Pokemon that have done me many good things! I'm not going to let the past fall like ancient ruins behind me! I won't let its mystifying text slow me!"

Her listeners, the two of them, merely sat there, not really getting the point.

"Not too bright are you?" Kali growled. Mizu whimpered softly.

"Kali, you're scaring me. You don't usually act this way!"

Kali's low rumbling in her throat paused, but then continued. "I'm not Kali! Idiots!"

Ryu stepped between the two like a barrier. Mizu broke out in sweat and twitched. She blinked, but couldn't see herself do so. Kali took a little bit of pity, reluctantly.

"Poor, poor, blind fool. Tell me, what is the point of living if you-"

"Stop." Ryu hissed.

"Stop my ***." Kali hissed back, and she scampered away on light feet, as if her conscience was clear after what happened.

"This is wrong!" Mizu wailed, but Ryu rubbed his cheek against hers, and she went into silent comfort. Then she blushed pure red. "Ryu, she's getting away!"

"She just needed to vent," Ryu lied calmly, but she shook her head.

"I'm sure something's wrong with her. I don't know what! Life is so confusing without light!"

Ryu stopped in answer to Mizu. "Let me explain." He tried to picture seeing only darkness and sensing only confusion. He tried to picture being trapped forever in a cage of fear and torture with no way out, and feeling as if your existence weighed down on others and you had no right to breathe. But over and over again, he had the same image of light in his head.

"It must be terrible, to be-"

"What do you know?! You can see, and you didn't nearly die! Your memory and thoughts are clear and pure, and they don't haunt you!"

"No. If I recall my past, it was deadly. I did almost die. But- I was spared on my own."

Mizu cried again. "You don't know what it's like! You don't know!"

"You no longer can gain more sight in your memory than what you already have, but trace back. Trace back to when you saw Kali. Then return to whatever you have of me. What is there that you can see?" Ryu said calmly. His tone was not changed.

"You... you had the same eyes and chin. It's-it's-it's... haunting how you are alike," Mizu answered. "But what are you trying to explain here?"

"Kali, she was my sister."

Mizu gasped, and did nothing else.

"We two are now living with a curse that is related to what they say in the legends. I know it's a little late to tell, but I needed the time. I acted like I had before...

"Your ancestors had a sacred garden in which no one must touch except for the tribe, for the touch of a human's skin would shatter every one of the flowers that grew there. Each flower represented a Pokemon of the tribe. When one died, the flower wilted. When birth came with life, a flower sprouted. They protected it for centuries until one day, a little girl stumbled upon the garden. The little girl reached for one plant of the sacred garden, and as soon as her finger met the petal, every one of the flowers wilted and fell to the ground, except two. Their petals have fallen, but they remained. These were the flowers of an Umbreon and Jolteon. Without the petals, they fell gravely ill and were told that they would die very soon. The Umbreon would fall by midnight while the Jolteon would pass away at dawn.

They each died next to the soil of their flower. Their bodies wasted away, but still the flower remained, for it trapped their souls. This way the tribe could've been saved. Eventually the souls were released into seeds, one into the mountains, the others near where your home was. They sprouted into the flowers, still with the soul within them. The other seeds sprouted into just flowers, but the two special flowers released more seeds containing the soul.

After a while of emptiness in the wild, one of the seeds fell into a waterfall, in fact, the one you fell over. Inside its waters were magical things. If you fell in, something would happen to you, but you never knew what. I fell in and regained my memory. You fell in and lost your ability to see. Kali fell in and her curse was beginning to wear away. But it would only work once. If you tried again, nothing would happen except that you would get wet.

But anyways, the seed fell in and it sprouted into two Eevees. Together they were the recreation of your tribe. So the tribe was recreated.

The flowers with the souls within them, if eaten by human, would transform into whatever the soul they had swallowed if at the correct time. Kali had swallowed the one with the Umbreon most likely under the full moon at midnight and I had with the Jolteon at sunrise. There is no reverse to the curse unless it happens to you if you drop into the magical waterfall."

Mizu stared with wide eyes near him. "You were a human?"

"A prince at that. Everyone, even my sister, believed that I was killed at war."

"What was your name?"

"I was Akira and Kali, she was Tsuki. I loved her very much, and she loved me as well. We were sister and brother."

"Will she regain her memory if the curse lifts?" Mizu asked.

Akira stared at his inquiring friend with sad eyes. "I don't know, but I do hope so..."

"Oh. It must be terrible not knowing how important your past was...your past is important. Because I can still remember, I can still see in my dreams."

Akira paused. "I'm glad you're alive, Mizu. I had a crush on you ever since I saw you, with Pinku."

Mizu was very flattered. She didn't think that he actually liked her all this time! The Vaporeon quickly tried to divert her attention to something else. "Don't you think we should catch up with Kal- er, Tsuki?"

Akira nodded and he slid himself under Mizu's belly, and stood up with her on his back. Mizu wasn't really bothered by his spiky yellow fur, but they tickled her body. He dashed off in the direction of Tsuki, or who was formerly Tsuki. Mizu soon caught a whiff of a familiar scent, except human.

"She's probably done transforming!" Mizu yelled. Oh how she wished she could see...

Akira just kept running, and Mizu then could smell trees and grass. The Jolteon jumped through a bush and fell down, unable to land safely. His eyes caught his sister's human face: pale with one blue eye and a silver eye. Black hair was draped over her silver eye, and she stared at Akira.

Please let her remember, Akira thought.
---
Ratiasu

P.S. Tried to make this seem worth it! D:

Kaizer
26th February 2006, 7:34 PM
Sorry I haven't been reviewing for a while. I've made sure to keep up in reading, just not responding.

Anyways, this was a really good chapter. I didn't go out looking for any mistakes, but nothing jumped out at me. I loved the description of the lava too, I'd never seen it described like that and it was awesome.

So umm... Good job on the chapter. I'm looking forward to where the plot goes next.

;245;

katiekitten
26th February 2006, 8:24 PM
Well done Ratiasu! A very nice new chapter, I enjoyed it greatly. So Ryu is Kalis brother? Interesting, very interesting... *gives cookie*

There is only one small part I got a little confused on. I'll post it below..


would transform into whatever the soul they had swallowed if at the correct.

At the correct what? O.o

Sike Saner
26th February 2006, 8:37 PM
Snakes of lava hissed at the passerby, not moving from their course.

That is really, really cool. ^^ There were several other instances of really cool language too, scattered all throught the chapter - very artful language. I like it. ^^

So, now we know more about the curse, AND Tsuki's back in her human form once more. Something's definitely stirring on the horizon, and I look forward to it. ^^

Xiang
27th February 2006, 12:43 AM
Thank you...the first part of the chapter I did half a month ago...then I found the file at last. ^-^;;

Katiekitten: I meant "the correct time." Thank you for pointing that out!

Aipika
27th February 2006, 5:45 AM
And I decide to post now. This chapter holds the answer to everything! I like how everything fits in so perfectly, like a puzzle or something else you can think of.

Now that Tsuki changed back, I can almost smell rotten eggs or maybe it could be something else. I don't know. It's your fic and I can't wait to see how things go. ^.^ b

Xiang
27th February 2006, 7:29 PM
Arigotou! I was planning to put all the answers in one piece, I just took a while to figure out how. ^-^ It not easy thinking up stuff that fit perfectly into puzzle. Working on chapter; three project have do! Busy Busy Shampoo- Cynthia!