View Full Version : Genetics, A One-Shot by S.D.

9th November 2005, 3:27 PM
Hello everyone. I have been working on this one shot for about a week now. I wanted to write a better story on the origin of one of our favorite pokemon and then post it here on serebii.net. Anyway, please take the time to read it and possibly review it. It is rated PG-13 for some violence. Without further ado, I give you Genetics.

A small breeze blew through the leaves of the overhanging broadleaved trees. The sun could barely penetrate the canopy, and gave a luster of dusk to objects below. Other than the monotonous hum of insects, the forest was relatively quiet. The breeze turned over a few leaves before passing on its way. All of a sudden, an ever so quiet whisper was heard through the silence.

“Doctor! Doctor! Are you sure of what you are doing?” a young man asked his companion. Two men sat hunched in a small gulley of ferns. One of these was an older man, looking like he was about sixty years old. His hair was silver, and eyes were blue. He wore thick glasses which gave him a look of intelligence. He was hunch-backed, obviously from slouching over desktops over his many years of research. He had an air about him that demanded respect.

His companion was nothing like him at all. Tall and blonde, the young man was very spirited and emotional. He had both ears pierced and a tattoo on the back of his neck. He wore a furry black coat like his older teammate, yet it was unorganized and unprofessional. They were both watching the entrance to a small cavern which was but ten yards from where they were perched.

The older man was carrying some sort of weapon. It had a large round barrel big enough to stuff a baseball in, but it was only as long as a pistol. The man gripped it firmly, for he knew that they couldn’t let anything go wrong with their project. He cocked it slightly and it began to hum with an electrical current.

“Doctor! She probably knows we are here anyway! I don’t feel too sure about this,” the young man repeated. His stomach was churning. Intellectually he knew that there was nothing wrong with his actions, but his conscience was telling him otherwise. He was about to stand up when the older man grabbed him firmly by the arm and sat him down.

“She can not sense our presence,” the older man whispered harshly. “We are wearing suits made from Houndoom hide, and she can not sense anything beneath it. We are safe so long as you don’t make yourself visible.” The young man, shaking from his chastisement, firmly gripped the small object in his hand. He handled it delicately as it was fragile and easy to loose.

“Besides,” the old man said, “I have waited an entire lifetime for this moment. I am not going to let anything get in my way.” The man pulled a second item from his cloak, a small revolver and aimed it at his assistant. “Even if it’s you.”

The young man gulped. He now knew the seriousness of what was about to transpire. He knew that he wanted to protect the creature they were here to hunt, but he valued his life more, as most humans do.

Half an hour of silence followed. The older man gazed at the hole as if it were a bomb. He was anxious, and his apprehension with waiting became so thick that one could cut it with a knife. The young man watched his partner with fear in his eyes. He was not used to being out in the woods, for he was a city boy. He was beginning to wonder if he should have accepted the offer for the special project that he had been presented with five months ago.

He could remember back then, when he had a normal life. He had a girlfriend and a job that was working out great for him. Then one day his genetics teacher had stopped him after class and asked him if he would be interested in leaving town for a few weeks in order to work in a genetic research project that was being sponsored by some billionaire. He eagerly took the job, feeling that it would prove whether or not he could survive on his own in the real world.

Now however, as he was shuddering from the cold that was setting in, he realized that he had foolishly thrown his life away. It turned out that this project he was working with was top-secret, and he never got a chance to say goodbye to his family or his girlfriend. It was as if he fell of the face of the earth. He was forced to work long hours and rarely got a good nights sleep. He was miserable, and he was about to emotionally crack.

He was about to express his feelings to his partner when all of the sudden his partner perked up. The young man quickly turned to look at the hole but saw nothing. He saw his partner move special heat-seeking glasses over his regular glasses, and the young man did the same. However, as the infrared screen became apparent on the lenses of his glasses, he still could not see anything.

He kept staring at the entrance to the cave waiting for something to happen. After a while he began to think it was a false alarm when all of a sudden, something appeared on his glasses. It looked like a small shape was beginning to urge out of the cavern. The shape was curved perfectly with a long tail. Its head was cat-like, and its body was like that of a mouse. It did not seem to be walking, but rather it was gliding through the air ever so slowly and quietly. The young man stared in unbelief. The rumors are true! He thought. Mew does exist!

Slowly the pokemon inched out of the cavern. She seemed to smell the air. The young man dropped his infrared glasses and beheld the pokemon with his two true eyes. It was truly a majestic sight, the most rare and beautiful pokemon on earth just a few yards away.
Mew was searching the area curiously, as if she suspected something. However, as she flew towards a certain clump of bushes, she realized that there was something not right. Quickly, she tried to fly away, but it was too late. The trigger was squeezed on the large gun and a large black canister began to fly towards Mew. She turned and tried focusing her powers on the object approaching her, but it had no effect. It had been coated with the blood of a dark pokemon, protecting it from any psychic powers.

The canister broke open to reveal a large net. It grasped itself around Mew and held fast. Mew began to shake and fly away, but the net immediately sent an electrical shock through the web of wires powerful enough to kill a normal pokemon. However, because Mew had an evolved to be particularly strong, it only knocked her out. With a thud, the net and its prize fell to the ground in a heap of flesh and metal.

The two men rushed towards their prey. She was still twitching from the electrical current running through her, but she was unconscious. The electrical system was still buzzing with fury. The older man walked up to the contraption and pushed a small button that turned the electricity off. Mew gave was seemed to be a faint cry, and then slumped over.

“Quickly, administer the sedative!” the older man yelled at his partner. The young man rushed to the small pokemon’s side, holding a small syringe that was filled with a heavy neurotic that was capable of putting even the strongest psychic beast into an induced coma. Slowly, he knelt by the side of the fallen Mew. He pulled the net off her body and saw small burns on her arms and legs. One particularly bad one was across her face. The young man felt tears come to his eyes.

“I can’t do it,” the blonde haired man said. “I can’t. It just seems so wrong. Can’t you feel that this is just bad?” The young man turned to his partner and looked him in the eyes.

The older man was hardened by many years of science, and the young man’s plea for pity did not amuse him. The gray haired man lifted his revolver towards his assistant and warned, “I told you that I was not going to let anything stand in my way from succeeding in this project,” he pulled back the hammer. “I’ll give you one last chance to administer the sedative, or I will be forced to kill you.”

The man who had never stood for anything in his life wavered at this point. He had his emotions running one way and his logic running a different way. He had to decide fast what he was going to do.

In his time of complete confusion, it seemed as if something began to warm his heart. He felt peace flood his soul. It was the spirit of Mew calming him and telling him that everything would be all right. The blonde haired man quietly turned to his partner, taking the syringe in his right hand, and threw it on the ground next to Mew.

The smoke from the revolver settled and another body joined Mew on the ground. The man who stood up for his emotional beliefs now rested next to the one that he tried to save. The older man walked up to his fallen assistant and kicked his arm twice. There was no reaction, for all that was left was the empty shell of a hero. The gray haired man bent down and grabbed the syringe from the ground and approached Mew.

Grabbing Mew’s head, he tilted her chin upward and inserted the small needle into the large jugular vein. Slowly he emptied the contents of the syringe into the fallen pokemon. Mew’s eye began to twitch ever so slightly as her brain was seduced by the powerful drugs. The man picked up the small pokemon and began to head towards his slightly old truck that he would use to ride to the genetics laboratory.

Eyes began to come out of nowhere in the woods. Pokemon of all shapes and sizes that had witnessed the scene came from their hiding places to look upon the one who had tried to save their caretaker, their friend. The hero’s face did not bear a look of fear or anger, but rather bore a look of satisfaction. The pokemon of the woods raised him up and took him to a special place in the forest, and there they buried him. In his life he amounted to hardly anything, but his death changed the course of history forever. Isn't it ironic that the first time this man stood for something, he fell?
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The murmur of the trucks engine was shut off immediately as the gray haired man exited his vehicle, carrying over his shoulder a large burlap sack holding a small lumpy object. He walked up to the laboratory that he had stopped at. It was a large concrete building that was shaped like a pyramid, and had four pillars at the corners. It had once been an ancient temple in this part of the jungle, but it had been excavated and turned into a laboratory recently.

The old wooden doors of the temple had been removed and replaced with heavy steel doors. To the left of these was a small electrical keypad. The old man walked up to it and typed in a six digit code on the pad, 3-4-3-6-3-9. The lights on the keypad turned green and a small compartment opened up above it. A small retinal scanner elongated from the opening. The old man lowered his glasses and held his right eye up to the scanner. He saw a laser sweep from one side to the other, measuring his eye to recognize who was entering. The machine chirped loudly and a loud grinding sound was heard. The metal doors were opening.

The doors opened inward, revealing the entrance to the laboratory. Two people were standing behind the doors, a tall man in a lab coat with dark hair and clear blue eyes and a woman in similar attire with brunette hair with blonde highlights. They both had a nametag on their chest, the man’s reading, “Eric Newman” and the woman’s reading “Brittany Stevens”. Eric Newman ran up to the old man that was entering.

“Did you,” he stuttered. “Did you find her?” The old man brought the sack out from behind his back and jiggled it in front of his face.

“Let’s get one thing straight,” the old man told Newman with his raspy voice, “I am doing this to get you back on track. Now that you have the specimen, how long will it be before you are able to complete the project?”

The young woman named Brittany Stevens stepped forward and said, “It is hard to tell. The genetic layout itself will take several weeks, plus the enhancements you asked us to make will take at least a year to...” but she was cut off by a terrible stare given by the old man. She shrank back to her former position.

“I will give you two years to complete the project. For every day that the project goes overdue, I will begin to withdraw my funding and you will be left without a leg to stand on.” Eric Newman stood up straight, trying not to break down. This man was asking for the impossible, and yet if he was not able to fund his workers it would mean he would be out of work.

Eric Newman began to plea again, “Sir, I beg that you please give us at least three more years to complete this. Cloning is not as easy as it sounds. I can promise you that if you wait an extra year your pokemon will be completely unstoppable.” This seemed to do the trick. The old man he was talking to wanted power, and Eric was offering a way for him to have almost unlimited power.

The old man thought about it for a minute, and then he nodded. “You have three years,” he held out the sack to Eric, but as he went to grab it, the old man pulled it back just a little and said, “Do not fail, or I will be forced to withdrawal all of the funds that I had promised you.” He then held out the sack again and Eric took it.

A young man dressed in a black suit came from behind the old man. Quietly, the black dressed boy touched the old man on the shoulder and said, “Giovonni, your helicopter is ready for take off.”

The old man turned to Eric and Brittany once again and said, “My apologies, but it is time that I leave.” He looked Eric in the eyes again and repeated, “Do not fail me.”

Eric shuddered as he heard the words. When Giovonni had left the building, the doors grinded back into place.

The tall man known as Eric Newman quietly reached into the bag and beheld what he himself had believed not to exist. It was Mew; the legend was in his hands. Her breathing was short and irregular and there were some heavy burns on her, but other than that she was perfectly fine.

Eric handed the burlap sack to Brittany and said, “Take this immediately to Whitney in the hospital wing. Tell her I want Mew constantly on narcotics so that she can not escape. Also, hook her up to an I.V. so she can have energy to live. And I also want a D.N.A. analysis on my desk as soon as possible.”

Brittany nodded and ran off towards the hospital wing. Eric Newman sat down in a metal chair, one of many that lined the entrance to the laboratory. He raised his hands to his hair and ran his fingers through the fine dark curls. He was starting to have doubts about the things he was about to do. Somewhere inside of him he could feel something dark. He felt wicked, absolutely wicked, and if he could see into the future he would realize just what his actions would do to determine the future of the world.
Eric was truly shaken.
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“What do you mean the cloning process is impossible?” Eric half questioned, half yelled at the lab assistant Cameron Reece. Cameron was a short but lean man with brown hair and eyes that matched perfectly. To make up for his size however, he was a brilliant philosopher and genetic scientist. Rumors around the plant said that he didn’t like the spotlight, and that that was the only reason he was not heading this project.

Cameron’s assessment of Eric that morning was that he was under a lot of pressure. He looked like he hadn’t had sleep in days and was also looking very pale. He also had bandages wrapped around his hands. Cameron had inquired about this, but Eric waved him off saying that it was none of his business. However, had just discovered a major difficulty in the cloning procedure and he had to explain this to Eric so that they could get things fixed as soon as possible.

The scientist Cameron produced two colored photographs of something that looked like bizarre gibberish, but seemed to make sense to him and Eric. In a deep base voice Cameron explained his reasoning. “If you look here at chromosome X on the genome, the D.N.A. that we are trying to enhance is blocked by the alternate X chromosome. We experimented with one embryo that was enhanced in one chromosome and another with both chromosomes enhanced. The first embryo was successful in deleting the altered D.N.A., and thereby was useless to us, while the second embryo had its X chromosomes react with each other, and through the reaction it killed the embryo.”

Eric Newman clasped his hands together and held them up to his chin, clearly in deep thought. After about a minute of thinking, he asked, “Could we perhaps make a Y chromosome for the new embryo? That would be large enough to keep the embryo alive while small enough not to react with the X chromosome in any way.”

Cameron closed his eyes, doing calculations in his mind. He opened them after a few second sand said, “Yes, that should work, but you will have to add six extra months on to the cloning process as we synthesize some in the chemical laboratory.”

“Fine!” Eric said. He was starting not to care about the deadline that Giovonni had set for him. He was obsessed with the project now, and no matter how many set backs he came across he was going to finish it.

Cameron, noticing Eric’s frustration, turned to leave. However, when he was at the door, he turned back around and said, “Also, I finished doing some calculations on what these enhancements we are going to be doing to this embryo and I tell you that the powers that this clone will wield will be more powerful than we now can control. What shall we do about this problem?”

Eric sighed aloud. “I’ll see to it personally. I minored in chemical engineering, so by the time you have fully constructed a Y chromosome I will be able to have synthesized a new mind controlling agent in the laboratory.” Cameron nodded, but looked doubtful. He left Eric to his loneliness, and continued towards the genetics lab.

As he walked down the hall, he was thinking to himself. I wonder what has gotten into him, he thought. I have never seen him like this in the five years that I have known him. He continued walking to the end of the hall and took an abrupt turn around the corner, running right into a nurse that was also coming around the corner.

She was holding a glass bottle, and the bump knocked it out of her hands and it fell to the floor and shattered into hundreds of pieces. “I am so sorry!” Cameron said to the young nurse. He bent down to help clean things up and realized that the lady wasn’t talking to him. He looked up and saw her eagerly signing to him with her hands. “Oh!” he said, “Whitney! I didn’t know it was you.”

She signed to him, ‘It’s all right. It was only rubbing alcohol. I was taking it Eric’s office. He has been gnawing on his knuckles and wrists in his sleep. That’s why he is so tired, he doesn’t want to end up hurting himself as badly.’

Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Why has he been doing this? It seems to me like he is the last of all of us that would go crazy. I mean, do you think this could really get to someone such as him?”

Whitney nodded. She signed, ‘I did a full examination on him this morning. High blood pressure, heart problems, and bloody wrists were some of his many conditions. It seems like stress to me, but at such an enormous amount. In fact, I have only seen it this bad in one other patient ever.’

“Who?” Cameron asked. He was surprised to think that anyone else had gone through such stress in their life.

Whitney looked at Cameron with a disappointed look. ‘Who is the only other patient that I have had since I have worked here?’ she signed, and then to Cameron’s surprise began to run back to the medical wing, tears in her eyes.

Cameron knew very well who the one patient was. He shook his head, himself not believing what she had just told him. It was too far-fetched. He walked away, leaving the broken glass and spilled alcohol on the ground. The janitor will clean it up he thought and he headed toward the genetics department. Cameron had some serious work that needed to be done.
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“As you can see by this chart, the clone is progressing exceptionally well,” said Brittany as she pointed a laser beam at a large chart on a wall. She was at the front of a large circular room with a desk in front of her piled high with papers and text books. For the last three hours she had been explaining in detail the progress of the embryo. Almost everyone in the building already knew what she was talking about. All but one man, and this meeting was being held for that man. Giovonni. It was Brittany’s job to explain to him the extra year it was going to take to make this clone controllable. She was merely detailing facts about the process and its progress so far.

Brittany began by explaining the procedure that they were using in the lab. She explained how a team of scientists were able to alter Mew’s D.N.A. to form a strain of super powered genetic material. They then operated on Mew and removed several hundred egg cells from her, and then they inserted the hyper D.N.A. into the cells. Of these, five began to grow normally while the rest died off. After two weeks of watching these cells grow they chose the healthiest embryo and implanted it into Mew’s uterus.

She also explained some of the various operations that they had preformed on the clone while it was in the womb. Brittany herself had worked on the body of the small clone when it was not getting enough oxygen to its head. She personally attached a small vein from Mew’s leg onto the clone, leading from the heart to the brain. The mind power of this small pokemon had astonished her because the brain required large amounts of oxygen to attain its enormous psychic abilities.

Currently Brittany was explaining the growth and development of the clone in the mother’s womb. Already they were monitoring small traces of psychic activity in the small pokemon, though its brain wasn’t fully developed yet. She was using this evidence as proof that the clone would be just what Giovonni had ordered, an unstoppable pokemon. Brittany finally ended her speech and asked the group of scientists and Giovonni if they had any questions. When no one responded, she quietly took a seat.

Giovonni was evidently pleased with what he had heard. He leaned over to Eric and said, “If the clone is as powerful as she just said it will be, I will forgive six months of your experimentation.” Then, as quickly as he had entered the building, Giovonni left.
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Mechanical instruments spat off sparks of electricity until they shorted and burned themselves out. There were broken heart monitors and other medical equipment strung across the floor. Beakers of chemicals lay broken and spilled along countertops and the ground. But the worst of all these things were hidden behind the doors of the room in the dark.

Slowly the gray haired man approached the building. With one look at it he smiled. He didn’t need to worry about security any longer, for the two metal doors had been ripped from their hinges. The scientists had succeeded in their ultimate goal; they had created the unstoppable pokemon. He entered the heavy concrete building through the entrance, which was charred with deep black marks of what looked to be a very powerful fire.

The old man carried a flashlight with him, and he saw the glass and the chemicals spilled across the floors. The electrical equipment everywhere had also been crushed, as if an enormous weight had been pressed on it. As he took in this scene of destruction, he began to wonder where his workers had gone. They probably fled from the power of the infant clone thought Giovonni as he continued on through the laboratory.

He began to stop avoiding the glass on the ground and just let it shatter beneath his feet. Each crunching of glass echoed off the concrete walls, giving Giovonni a sense of loneliness. He shuttered as he wondered if the clone could still be in the laboratory. Yet he continued on as if an unseen power was aiding him on.

He entered into a room which he had only seen once before, when the scientists were showing him Mew and how she was progressing with the baby clone. This door had also been blown away by some powerful force. He entered, keeping a lookout for his prize, his clone.

As he entered he noticed something that he hadn’t before. The room was circular and a large number of doors lined the perimeter. Each door was completely intact and had no sign of damage on it at all. Also, all of the glass in this room seemed to be covered with a sticky red liquid, yet there was still no sign of the scientists. In the center of the room was the operating table where Mew gave birth. The scientists had told Giovonni that the birth had been too much for Mew, and that she died of toxemia right after the birth of her child. They had been able to save the clone, but not the legendary Mew. She was cremated the next day in the laboratory furnace.

Giovonni was about to turn and leave when a small glint of metal reflected off of the light from his flashlight. He walked slowly to it to find out what it was. As he neared it, he couldn’t believe his eyes. It was a tape recorder, and it had not been destroyed by the powers of the clone. Quickly, Giovonni picked it up and pressed the play button. He easily recognized Eric’s voice speaking in a quick and hushed voice.

It said, “I am the only one left I think, and it will not be long until it is my time to go. I have maybe a few minutes to explain what has transpired in the last half an hour. It seems as if the drug that I synthesized was not powerful enough for the clone, although the potency of it was strong enough to kill Mew. Randomly, this clone began to destroy all of our equipment with its psychic powers. Then, one by one, I saw it slaughter each member of my staff with the fragments of the glass. I still can not believe the terrible things that I saw the clone do yet I know that they will be imprinted in my mind as clear as day until the beast finds me. After my employees were brutally murdered they were haplessly stuffed into the storage closets surrounding this room. If you are listening to this I must ask you not to open the closets, or you will behold an image which you will truly regret seeing.” There was a short pause on the tape, and then it continued, “He sees me. Don’t look in the closets! Beware what you do not under…” and then the tape cut off. Static noise filled the room from the tape recorder.

Giovonni looked up towards the doors around the room. Upon closer inspection he could see small specks of red smeared across them. He shuddered to think of what was lying right behind them. He placed his hand across his eyes and asked aloud, “What have I done?”

Then from behind he heard a voice in his head answering him. It was deep and robust, and truly horrific to hear. “You let your pride blind your morals. Your lust for dominance and your greed for power have become personified in me.” Giovonni gasped and he turned around. Behind him were two glowing blue eyes, all that he could see in the darkness. He dropped his flashlight on the ground and it shattered. He was paralyzed with fear from his head to his toes.

The psychic clone rushed towards the man and lifted him up with his psychic power. “Look!” it yelled. “Look at what your passions have become.” The clone focused its arms together and thrust Giovonni against the wall. Giovonni felt his ribs crack under the pressure, and the wind was knocked out of him. The clone released him from his powers and let him fall to the floor. “I, the world’s most powerful pokemon in the world, was created by you and your terrible passions. I know that I should kill you and rid the world of your presence, but if I did your suffering would be over. Therefore I will let you live so that when I take control of this world, you will know that it is your fault. You will forever wallow in your misery. Suffer, for it is the only way you will feel good about your pitiful life.” The clone began to use its psychic power on the man so that his skin began to burn. He screamed out loud because of the pain.

After a minute of this torture the clone left the man on the ground to suffer. Exiting through the entrance of the laboratory, he journeyed to a place that he knew he could rest until the time for his world conquest had come.

The man that was left alone in the lab slowly got to his feet, clutching his ribs with is hands. He slowly pushed a small button on his belt. A dial tone was heard for a few moments until a voice came on the other line. “Yes sir, what is the matter?”

“Get me a paramedic in here as quickly as possible,” he choked through the phone. “And also announce to the rest of Team Rocket has succeeded.” He coughed softly for it hurt him badly. He tasted blood in his mouth, but he still said, “This world’s destruction is imminent. Soon the world will pay for their sins against me. It is finished.” Quietly, he turned off the phone and remained standing. He chuckled again to himself, and ignored the taste of blood in his mouth. It had been a truly fulfilling day.

9th November 2005, 11:44 PM
Wow. This was excellant. I read your last one shot and it was all right, but this was just spectacular. i can see why it took you a week to write it. Are you going to be writing a sequel to it?

10th November 2005, 1:49 AM
Wow nice this is awsome I cannot wait for a sequal!

10th November 2005, 3:36 AM
Hey, I decided to review this one shot. Normally I would give a much more detailed and qouted review, but I really dont have enough time; maybe sometime later I will edit this to make it larger.

Overall, I think its ok, but could step it up a few notches. Your description's good for know, to make it better, you could use some more vivid language/imagery. The charachter emotion is done alright as well, though I advice you to use less direct characterization. I didn't pick up on any noticeable grammar mistakes, so kudos for that, and overall this language is pretty simple

So overall, I'd give your writing a "little better than ok"

The plot, however, has some holes in it. First off, Mew, being one of the most powerful pokemon in the world was subdued rather easily. If dark protections could so easily bring it down, why isn't it that Absol or Houndoom have overcomed Mew? Also, the biggest problem was with Giovanni. Since when in Earth was Giovanni a genetics teacher and an old man?? I dont think fics have to be 100% cannon, but in therem you're just completely changing him. Also, this storyline itself is kinda unoriginal since there are a million other fics like it, and there are already stories of this in the real pokemon games. Try doing an offshoot of Mewtwos story rather than a new version of it.

So be sure to work on the plot holes and make sure to know what your writing about next time.

Overall, I give it 3.3/5. It could use improvement but is alright for now

10th November 2005, 4:01 AM
Thank you all for reviewing my one-shot. Expecially Ice King. I like getting reviews that help me improve. However, I do have some things to mention about what Ice King said.

First off, Mew, being one of the most powerful pokemon in the world was subdued rather easily. If dark protections coudl so easily bring it down, why isnt it that Absol or Houndoom have overcomed Mew?

If you recall in Pokemon 4 Ever, a Houndoom was used to attack Celebi. Celebi is about the equivilent of Mew, so I can see it as being believable.

Since when in Earth was Giovanni a genetics teacher and an old man??

I never said in the story that Giovonni was a genetics teacher. He is merely a man seeking for greater power. As for being an old man, I can see where you might have a problem with it. I just pictured Giovonni from the game as being older, and getting closer to the end of his life, so he wants to get revenge on the world for the sins they committed against him, which I might elaborate more on in a later fic. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and I'll be sure to work on my charactorization and description. I just wanted to elaborate more about what happened in the burned down building on Cinnabar, not really be completely original. Thanks again.

10th November 2005, 4:20 AM
Well, here is my review!

Well... I don't want to sound mean... but despite the one-shot being quite long and the grammar being good, and me being a fan of both Mewtwo and Mew, this story came off as awfully cliched in execution and frankly boring.

Note that while it is quite rare to see stories that use the "Mew actually gave birth to Mewtwo" theory, it was pulled in such a way that it seemed incredibly uninteresting.

In fact... the more I read it... the more I actually HATE the story.

Your final score: 2/5 (good grammar doesn't make good story)

12th November 2005, 3:49 PM
This is good for some Mewtwo one-shoys I have read, but I hate to this I expected more. I read your previous two chaptered fics and am reading the re-write of your first one, and they kinda overwhelm this one in terms of goodness. BUT it still hd some appeal, like how each character mentioned had a story. Even if you didn't get a full picture, if they were mentioned by name they weren't just faceless names, they were someone. Definitly an achievement, so this manages to make Mobius give this a Salamence award. Not a Flygon though like the rest of your fics, but a Salamence is still good.

12th November 2005, 9:55 PM
It was an ok work. Have not been around for a long time, but this one is pretty normal. Nothing to set it apart, and nothing which really caught my excitement. Was it realistic that a Legendary lost so easy? The other pokemon practically blasted it outta sky.