View Full Version : Enternily Bonded Book I of III

10th November 2005, 6:05 PM
Ok, this was also started on pe2k. It isn't done either. So be ready for updates. ENJOY.
Enterinaly Bonded
Book I in a III book series
Catuion: Brief PG-13 material

Proulauge: My name is Zach. I'm 13 years old and in 8th grade. For the past two years I've been dating a fellow 8th grader named Carly, behind my parents back. I havn't got a pokemon yet but when i do, I wish to become a trainer like my father. My parents have agreed with me that on my 14th b-day they will present me a pokemon, pokedex, and other valuble items to become a trainer. Recently I have been having odd dreams about a dark figure battling another dark figure with an odd pokemon. The first dark figure is being horably tourtured. But the worst part is, i can't do anything to stop it.

Chapter 1 Birthday Bashed

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. My annoying alarm clock sounded as it tried to wake me up. I tried to drone it out of my head, but to no avail. I finally gave up and turned of. I hit the OFF button on the clock and threw on a blue shirt with a white trim and some black jeans. As I made my way out of my dimly lit room into the hallway, the fresh smell of waffles filled my nose. I thought to myself I better get down there before dad eats all the waffles. Then a chuckled to myself a little and rushed down the stairs. I was so happy today October 1st because it was my 14th birthday. Today I would get my pokemon and get off on my journey. "Mmmm. Something smells good mom." I said.

"Here you are birthday boy. Waffles and a glass of oj" She said. My mom alwways treated me like I was a 5 year old.

"Mom, I'm 14 now. I'm not your little boy. I protested.

"I know I know. It's just so hard to let go sometimes." She said with a tear in her eye.

"Don't be so over-dramatic." I said with a mouthful of waffles. Within 15 minutes the waffles and the orange juice had been consumed. "So when do I get my presents?" I said happilly.

"After your party with your family." She said.

"Well, honey I'm off to work. See you at the party Zach. I hope you'll like your present." said my dad. And with that the door shut.

"Mom, since I get the day off from school today I'm gonna on a walk. I said, but secretly Carly and I were gonna meet up.

"Ok be back by lunch." Said mom with a worried sound in her voice. She's always been a worry type person. So I shut the kitchen door and headed over to the big oak tree behind the pool where Carly told me to meet her. There she was. Her chesnut brown hair and green eyes. Wearing tight Denim jeans with a white blouse. "Hi Carly!" I said as she greeted me with a kiss.

"Happy birthday." she said holding a white box with a red ribbon ties on it. As I opened the box I couldn't belive what I saw inside. It was a DVD of the pokemon trainer finals from this year. She knew I would love it since I was a pokemon freak. "I thought you might like to see some of the stratagies and pokemon that got the trainers into the finals." she said.

"Wow Carly, you know me so well. Thanks al." But she cut me off and kissed me.

"Well Zach, I better get going. Call me before you go off on your journey." She said. Carly then turned and walked away. We both were thinking something before she left, but said nothing. We were thinking when will I see you again? The question burned in my mind all the way home. I was so anxious for my clock to turn to 8:00 because thats when my party would begin. It was 2:00 and my mom made me some homemade pizza. I went to our fridge and got a Coke and started to eat. As I was munching on a peice of crust I heard a horrific scream. I dashed up the stairs to my parents room and found a Rattata on the floor next to my mom.

"Ahhhh it's a mouse" She screamed in a high pitched voice.

"Mom it's just a harmless Rattata." I said calmly as I opened the window to the roof as the young Rattata scampered off. After the Rattata incidenti decided to rest the day away as I popped the DVD of the finals into my DVD player. 8:00 came soon and I got ready and walked calmly to my living room where my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and my family sat. Once I got there my non imediate family mostly gave me money and clothes. Then came the moment I had been waiting for for 14 long years. First my dad gave me 5 pokeballs, 10 potions, 1 revive, 1 awakining, 1 poison heal, 1burn heal, 1 pokedex, 1pokenav, and 1 frozen heal. Then a plane brown box with holes cut out all over it came out. I took the lid off and found a small baby Houndour. I decided to name him Smoke. Then all of a suddon a brick crashed through my window. It was some evil Team Ultimate members that did this to anyone who got their first pokemon. They stormed inside and tore the place up. My dad and I werent going to take this. Smoke woke up with all the noise and i decided to use him in a battle. My dad sent out his Tyranitar and Crash and he said:

"Crash hyperbeam attack now!" I then said:

"Smoke, take down attack!" The attacks hit the riders and the fled. They were proboply scared off by Crash and not Smoke. But I said to Smoke "Good job for a first time Smoke." He growled with pride.

Chapter 2 The Journey Begins

That night after Team Ultimate came and ruined my birthday party we all cleaned up the mess. I slept with Smoke next to me in my bed. The dream happened again but now i could make out more detail. It was Smoke and I verse the dark figure and it's pokmon. I was caught in a net and Smoke was helpless battling this other pokemon. He was getting all kinds of attacks connecting on him. Some I could make out as tackles, hydro pumps, and takedowns. But the others were fuzzy. I was in a lumpy state inside the net and i could feel what Smoke felt. Then I woke up with a rasping sound on my bedroom window. It was Carly and her pokemon Meowth. I quietly stepped out the window with Smoke wide awake and talked to her on my roof. "Carly I wasn't expecting you this late." I said.

" I had to make sure you and your pokemon were alright after the Team Ultimate incident. He's so cute whats his name?" She asked as he and her Meowth inspected eachother.

"His name is Smoke." I said.

"That name suits him. Listen Zach my parents found out about our secret affair and they are o.k with it. They have even let me go on a journey of my own as long as your there." She said softly.

"My parents still don't know and I don't think they are ready to know yet. but if you want to accompany me on my journey I won't stop you. In fact, it might be good to have a little peice of home with me." I said. There was a long silence and then she spoke.

"Of course I will acompany you Zach, but it'll be my journey to so we can't do everything that you wanna do. We'll have to do some of the stuff I wanna do to ok."

"I wouldn't dream of it anyway else." I said. Then she gave me a peck on the cheek and left with her Meowth. The next morning I said my final goodbye's to my parents. Dad spoke first:

"Goodbye son. Be safe, strong, and have fun. Then mom added in:

"And call us every week." So I turned out the door and shouted :

"Bye mom and dad." Then good old worry type mom chipped in:

"Put on clean underwear and socks everyday." I met up with Carly by the big oak tree behind the pool and we set off. All of us were about to begin the most important journey of our lives so far.

Yami Ryu
10th November 2005, 6:07 PM
And another work just as crappy as the other 'book' so, to quote myself;

For ****s sake doesn't anyone read the rules anymore?

-_- too short, and multiple chapters in one post.

Lacking description, lacking depth of characters and plot, lacking everything. Bah, wtf should I bother, you won't listen to anything I say. No noobs/newbs/whatevers ever listens to attempts to help them get better. So I'll just tell you where to go, save myself 10 minutes trying to completely dechipher the mockery you call a story and crit it by saying; Go read the Advice and Rules stickies. Because this will most likely end up being closed.

Kyle of Pallet
10th November 2005, 6:58 PM
Now this is one I can fix. You only posted two chapters, not twelve.

Okay, create the backround for the love between Zach and Carly. And don't forget to describe the Poke'Mon like you are the only person that knows what they look like. Just don't describe mystery Poke'Mon too early.

This story is looking good to me. Just work on description and length and this will go far.

12th November 2005, 11:34 PM
ok if u have suggestions tell me.