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Missingno. Master
11th November 2005, 11:44 AM
The life of a Magikarp
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Many of the water Pokemon were playing around happily. I saw, for instance, a school of Lotads throwing a spherical object into each other's dishes. Farther away, there were some Remoraid swimming around an Octillery. But I knew I could never be invited to join in their games. I was not one of them. I was not a Lotad, a Remoraid, or an Octillery. I was a lone Magikarp.

I had been separated from my school long ago, due to the fact that I got my fin caught on some coral. That held me back, but I might've been able to still keep up with them if that accursed Chinchou didn't swim by, blinding me momentarily with those lights of his. When I regained eyesight, I saw that my school had gone. THe Chinchou, however, took pity on me, unsnagged my fin from the coral, and became my friend. My only friend. Now, however, Chinchou had left with his own school. He invited me along, but his father, the leader of the school, had forbidden me to come along.

I sat there in a small indentation in a rock, thinking about all this. Then, I smelled something. Something delicious! Following the smell, I swam away, eventually coming to a point where a dead Caterpie was floating in the sea. Happily, I closed my mouth over it. OW! Was that a hook? Oh, no! The Caterpie, delicious as it was, was speared on a hook, which had caught in my mouth! And it was going up!

With a loud splash, I surfaced. I, of course, had no problem out of water, as fish Pokemon have lungs as well as gills. The only problem, however, was the human standing before me! He bent down before me, keeping the line taut. Next to him sat a Weepinbel. He then took the hook out of my mouth! I was very relieved, and started to swim away, but he then pulled a spherical object out of his pocket. It was red on the top, white on the bottom, and had a white button in the middle. I had heard dreadful tales about these "Pokayballs" from Chinchou. They supposedly capture you inside and leave you there until your death! He threw it right at me, and I felt a horrible feeling of compression. When that subsided, I found myself in a beautiful lake! The water was so clear! I went to sleep right then and there in the water, thinking that a good night's sleep might help me absorb all of this.

Next thing I knew, everything was shaking! I felt a large impact, then was released into the outside world. THe man who had captured me held me in his hands, and was talking to another human. I assumed from the sign nearby that I was in someplace called Leaf Town. THe man was saying things like that Iwas an extraordinarily healthy Magikarp, and other things like that. It clicked; he was selling me! The blue-haired human my capturer was talking to then got very angry, and started chasing him. The man held me in his arms, and I was able to look back. The blue haired man smashed into a lady with long, red hair, who fell backwards. A sphere fell off her belt onto a machine. On a screen, two Pokemon shadows crossed over each other. I think they may have been those of Wobbuffet and Lickitung. That's all I could make out before we were too far away. THe man threw me into my Pokeball, and I resumed my nap within.

Again, everthing began to shake. I sighed, as I was released into the world again, not by that horrible salesman, but by a little boy with red hair. I flopped around on the ground before him, and he said to me "Alright, Magikarp, this is your first battle! Make me proud!"

He wanted me to battle? I had battled before in the sea, but had always lost, due to my inconvenient lack of good moves. Oh, sure, I could use Splash, Tackle, and Flail. But were they good enough? Then, I noticed another human. This one had brown hair and looked very muscular for his age. he had a Machop with him. I assumed I was to battle the Machop. The boy said out loud "Machop, start things off with a Karate Chop attack!" The Superpower Pokemon lunged at me in a karate stance. My trainer then gave me a command to dodge the attack with Splash. I had never used Splash for evasive purposes before; this was one smart human! Obediently, I flopped on the ground, going higher and higher with each flop. Then, I leapt high enough so that the MAchop crashed to the ground below. The redhead boy then commanded a gravity-fed Tackle. I shot like a bullet towards the MAchop below, who was struggling to get up. The sheer force of the impact got him back down again. The MAchop's trainer then commanded a Low Kick. Without even waiting for the command, I dodged it by Splashing to the left. The boy called out "That was great, Magikarp! Now use your Tackle!" I flopped along the ground, and smacked the Machop again. But this time he was ready. He grabbed me, and leapt into the air, as I heard the trainer command a Seismic Toss attack. High in the air, Machop threw me. I smashed into the ground. But I was still undefeated. The boy frantically called for a Splash. I flopped to my right, and just in time, for the Machop hit the ground where I was just laying! THe boy then told me to use my Flail attack. Smart choice, as I had been weakened by the attack, which only made my Flail stronger. I Flailed furiously into Machop, rendering it unconscious. The brown-haired kid recalled the Machop into a pokeball, and said

"You're good, lance, even with a weakling like Magikarp." Lance, my trainer replied with "Yeah, Bruno, and that Machop's not so bad either!" Then ,the unexpected happened. The Pokeball on Bruno's belt shook, releasing Machop. Then, it began to glow, as did I! I felt an odd tingly senesation. I was growing. I was evolving! I was blinded momentarily by my own glow. When my glowing finally ceased, I looked down at my.... blue, serpentine body?! I was a Gyarados! I then looked at Machop, only to find a muscular Machoke in his place! I roared happily. I had found a true friend at last. Lance, the greatest Pokemon trainer in the world.

Magi of all
13th November 2005, 1:57 AM
Its alright, but it really just seems bland. Sure, Lance being the trainer is an interesting twist and the Team Rocket reference was nice, but the fic does not really offer anything new other that life from the point of view of a pokemon. Keep writeing though, you could get better.

shinneymeowth001
13th November 2005, 2:03 AM
I loved it! nice reference to Team Rocket and lance.

Missingno. Master
16th November 2005, 9:10 PM
I loved it! nice reference to Team Rocket and lance.
Yeah, you liked it? I'm especially proud of the battle scene- I've always imagined that Magikarp could be able to use Splash to dodge moves.

Tazzari-san
18th December 2005, 5:18 AM
This story was pretty nice. I liked the whole thing. I especially liked the beggining and the end the best. Are you gonna make another part of this or something? Hmm? Like make a second part? (But obviously, it wouldn't be Life of a Magikarp but Life of a Gyarados XD) I hope you do 'cause this story rocked and I bet the next would be even better!

Yami Ryu
18th December 2005, 5:36 AM
First off;


The Superpower Pokemon lunged at me in a karate stance. My trainer then gave me a command to dodge the attack with Splash. I had never used Splash for evasive purposes before; this was one smart human!

I have to say this sounds a whole lot like from my fic where I had Angel fight a gym leader's Sneasel with her Magikarp. How it used Splash to avoid an attack then drop right back down onto the Sneasel to add injury to insult.

Secondly; you still humanise the pokemon too much. How would a Magikarp, at sea, know what a Caterpie is? How would a caterpie be small enough for a Magikarp to eat, unless it was a lure. But even then Magikarp wouldn't know what lure means. Then there's the fact like all of your one shots with trainers in them, end up with the main character winning. Which further adds to the bland cliche`ness of your fic writing. You don't write anything original it seems, and just rehash and rehash old stuff into 'new' stuff, and spam the forums up with one shots that show off the lack of any heart or soul put into them.

So what if you write well, you don't make the content original. You don't try and make the plot unique. Your characters, both human and pokemon are two dimensional things that don't deserve spotlight.

Maybe if you put some thought into your next one shot, you'd get more or better reviews. ... but untill then I expect you're gonna not get many people liking what you write.