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Dilasc
13th November 2005, 5:22 AM
Huzza! Surprised to see me write a one shot... again? Does anybody even read anything I write? Meh, whatever, here’s a bit about a resurrected fossil, and it’s thoughts about its life. Meh, I’m not much a single shooter, but here’s an attempt to anyway. Let’s just hope I can get some constructive feedback, hmm? Hmm? Please? Pretty Please?

Fossil Fool

I gasp, as I open my eyes in a snap. I must have been dreaming! I could have sworn the giant sea beast had bitten into my exoskeleton, and ripped my shell to pieces with its sharp jaws before feasting on my remains. Yet, I am oddly still alive. It must have been a nightmare... a horrible nightmare that felt all so painful and all so real. Still, it was just a bad dream... wasn’t it?

As I glance about, I am suddenly scared. A strange white rock, both flat and hollow, surrounds me on all side, and... there is no water. I have been moved from the water, yet I am still alive. How odd this room is, with the strange stars on the rock walls, that seem to flicker into and out of existence every second. Perhaps I have gone to an afterlife, perhaps I am in another dimension... I honestly have no idea. All I know is that I just want to go home.

My feelers cannot reach the ground though. I am feeling oddly groggy for having been out for what feels like not even a second of time having passed me by. Yet... I am somewhere very new and very strange.

My blue tentacles feel around frantically as I search for any form of stable ground, yet they’re so stubby, and my shell appears to be stuck somehow, as though it’s wedged between a rock. Then, I hear a voice, and see something strange. A weird creature, with... long fins that seem to be able to grasp things expertly as he holds a strange red and white sphere in his hand. I don’t even know how to describe the strange yellow grass growing on this being’s head.

I hear a voice as well. “Your Omanyte has been resurrected successfully.” I feel myself shake slightly at the touch. Resurrected... wait a second! Have I... have I been dead? No, I couldn’t have been dead! It only felt like a second has passed since the sea lizard took its fatal bite out of me... could that have actually happened? Have I been granted a second chance at life?

Whatever the case, I am... scared, yet oddly curious at the exact same time. It’s only even now that I notice how chilly the room is, and I shiver slightly.

“Looks good!” said the beast with the yellow grass on its head. “Thanks doc! I’ll take good care of it.”

The words this creature speaks are funny. What does he mean by take care of me? Why did he call me an it? Predators often referred to us as its. Oh no! I gotta get away! Why is that strange creature pointing the ball at me? It’s... well, I feel funny. I see lots of bright red light, and... I’m tingling. I don’t want to explore this strange world now!

All I want now, is to just go home! It is too late though. As I seem to turn into light itself, I feel a strange tug at my exoskeleton and my innards. I feel... bound... to this strange beast with yellow grass on its head. I can never return to my simple life under the water... I can never go home again!

Yami Ryu
13th November 2005, 9:42 AM
Hmm ... I have to give you points for originality, and getting into the pokemon's mind, and I loved how you pulled off this first person one shot, as I doubt I'd ever be this good XD My only irritation is the Omanyte understood the word 'Ressurected', as I'm sure no ancient pokemon would understand a human term for raising the dead. But other than that, I found nothing else that bothered me, and I loved the pokemon's thoughts of the human, especially the 'yellow grass on its head', almost saw a human/Exeggutor crossin my minds eye XD

Sorta sad to see this is a one shot, but to each his/her own. Though I am now reminded I have another fanfic I need to read/review XD

Dilasc
14th November 2005, 3:11 AM
I figured the word resurrection may have been a bit odd... but I guess I like to think Pokemon are smart enough to know words such as it. Well, glad to know I don't suck at one shots though.

Kiyohime
14th November 2005, 5:37 AM
Ooooh, 'tis was an original one-shot. ^^ Description was good and concise, and that was clever with the "yellow grass" part. XD I sort of feel pity for the little guy, though. *pats the nautilus* >:

I'm wondering, why did you decide to name it the Fossil Fool?

Dilasc
14th November 2005, 5:40 AM
Why Fossil Fool? Eh, well... I dunno. I figured it'd be a play on the words Fossil Fuel, and I enjoy making plays on words. Seriously, that's the real reason why the Fool part is there.

Burnt Flower
14th November 2005, 7:53 PM
The description of this one-shot's plot caught my attention, so I just had to click the link. xD

Nice to see an underused Pokemon featured so prominently in a story; I think this is the first fic I've seen where an Omanyte as the main character. :P It was pretty neat to see his/her POV and how s/he described the laboratory - especially the scientist (like everyone else, I loved that 'yellow grass' part). ;D It also has a nice adequate amount of description - just perfect to get an overall picture in your mind.

I think I only saw two errors:

It only felt like a second has past since the sea lizard took its fatal bite out of me... could that have actually happened.
That bolded period should be a question mark and 'past' should be 'passed'. ;3

Good job, Dilasc! 'Tis the first fic I've read from you. =)

IceKing
14th November 2005, 8:00 PM
As part of my planned return to serebii I'm planning on reviewing as many speeches. I read this fic in two minutes and I thought it was a nice little piece of writing. You managed to pull off first person without screwing it up so good job on that! Although, toward the end I felt the first person speech kind of getting more awkward and rushed. I dont want to be all praising in a review so if you really wanted to improve perhaps you could have made a nice description of his return to life, especailly with defrosting and added some other descriptions elsewhere. And try to slow the pace down a bit toward the end,I felt it was getting a bit rushed. Oh and I liked the ending

So overall...3.8/5

Scrap once said one shots are like candy while chaptered fanfiction is like cake and I felt this was a nice little bit of candy


Edit: WOAH! We reviewed at the same time Patty :P

Sike Saner
14th November 2005, 10:15 PM
There is a lot about this to like...Pokémon POV...use of the woefully UU Omanyte...good portrayal of fear, bewilderment and an almost childlike innocence...good description that is also true to the character's perspective...and as for errors, Burnt Flower already found the only one.

All around, a good, solid, interesting piece. Boss work. ^_^

Ash_Junior
15th November 2005, 12:34 AM
nice job, Dilasc...

someday I'm gonna review Dust to Deceit...when I have more time, lol

but this is good. took me a little while to figure out it was an Omanyte (those things rule!). I don't have a problem with it being able to understand ressurection....I kind of have a problem with it understanding human speech if it had never run into humans before, though...

*shrugs*

I like the fins thign better than the grass thing, though both were great.

I didn'tr eally see any errors besides the speech thing above.

:D

Dilasc
15th November 2005, 3:05 AM
Gosh and bloody heck! I'm almost speechless by the onslaught of reviews. It's almost overwhelming.

Really, I don't know what much to say, except thanks to you all for reading, and that I'm glad I was able to entertain with this short works. It feels good to be read.

Kawaii Kyuubi Kitsune
18th November 2005, 7:02 PM
This is an interesting one shot, with the grammar and spelling being perfect as far as I can tell. You do seem to suffer the same problem of overusing ‘…’ as I do in my fic, but I can’t blame you for that, as it’s impossible to know when not to use it.

I do have to comment on two other little problems:
*Fossilisation doesn’t just occur to everything that dies, it requires very strict conditions, which does include protection from scavengers so as the remains don’t get eaten before it can occur.
*It isn’t very logical that Omanyte could understand human language at all. No creature can spontaneously understand a language upon first hearing it and it is certain the Omanyte species became extinct before human turned up, thus it shouldn’t of understood a word… It is even debatable whether it would of even able to learn how to understand humans (I’m of the school of thought that most pokemon can’t understand human language fully, less intelligent pokemon understand less, but all are capable of being trained to obey a limited range of commands even if they don’t understand. This may or may not conflict with your view, but there is no need to argue about it).

Still I know of only two fic writers that write better one shots, and neither of them are intrested in fossil pokemon, so I guess you did quite well. I’ll start reading Dust to Deceit tomorrow.

Jerichi
19th November 2005, 5:11 PM
Wow, that was really good. One of the best one shots I've read. I agree with Kawaii Kyuubi Kitsune common sencealy(whatever). I like "..." to and will probably over use it in the new Fan-fic I'm planning on writing after I'm done with our school's production of "Oliver!".


*Fossilisation doesn’t just occur to everything that dies, it requires very strict conditions, which does include protection from scavengers so as the remains don’t get eaten before it can occur.

You make a good point, Kawaii Kyuubi Kitsune, but you are over anylizing it in my opinion. Fossilisation may be specific but in the case of the story it is completly possible. The Omanyte could of been unconscious and could have been barried in mud or sand in the pretator's retreat. It would of suffacated in some fasion and died, being burried in sand or mud, starting the fossilisation prosses.The Omanyte's account of it's own "death" dose not counterdict the fosilisation prosses, from my knowlege of it.

*It isn’t very logical that Omanyte could understand human language at all. No creature can spontaneously understand a language upon first hearing it and it is certain the Omanyte species became extinct before human turned up, thus it shouldn’t of understood a word… It is even debatable whether it would of even able to learn how to understand humans (I’m of the school of thought that most pokemon can’t understand human language fully, less intelligent pokemon understand less, but all are capable of being trained to obey a limited range of commands even if they don’t understand. This may or may not conflict with your view, but there is no need to argue about it).
I agree with you here completly. I was thinking that, too, when I saw that it comprehended the trainer.

Kijuna
28th November 2005, 8:44 PM
woahmg its dilasc.

I thought your account purged. Nice work, one day I'll get around to reading the rest of your other fic. ^_^

And it's perfectly plausible that Pokémon are able to understand a language with little information beforehand. You can't tell me Jynx and Sandshrew languages are exactly the same.

mindripper
29th November 2005, 3:19 PM
I gasp, as I open my eyes in a snap. I must have been dreaming! I could have sworn the giant sea beast had bitten into my exoskeleton, and ripped my shell to pieces with its sharp jaws before feasting on my remains.

I do not know if this line does good or harm. There is a need to explain happenings, but is it logical that the fossil is still intact after being savaged? It is not a plot problem, or a device problem, but is more of a logical problem, for when I read about dinosaur remains I tend to agree a lot with Kawaii Kitsune on the fact that fossilisation is a very rare occurence. Which is why finds of entire skeletons are usually greeted by spots on newspapers and the like. Those remains are likely intact due to immediate embalming by the surroundings, which compact and protect the skeleton. Not plausible here with the amount of damage suffered. Another thing about remains that I have learnt is that while bones retain their hardness, they become brittle, due to the inability to build the exostructure due to lack of assimilation of calcium. In fact, bones that are not intact often degrade much faster than intact skeletons, due to increased surface area. I could go on for a bit more, but I think you have heard enough of the scientific jargon.

I like the take on a pokemon's thoughts and feelings using first-person point of view, but it did see as though you were in a little of a hurry at certain points. Also, I am not too sure about the understanding of the human language, as IMO all that it would probably understand is the tone, which only accounts for approximately 30% of communication. Also, would a life under the sea seem simple to you, because I do not think it is. It seems weird that an Omanyte should react that way immediately after ressurection. The very first thing that should have happened would be reflexive spasms, followed by an inability to draw breath.

Otherwise, I agree with mose that it was an original take on things, and I do like the fic's name as well.

Dilasc
30th November 2005, 12:36 AM
I have an old fan from the archaic version of Dust to Deceit?

Wow! The sad part is, I don't even know or remember who you were, guiltily enough. Regardless, I am thrilled, nonetheless, that I have managed such a strange feat.

IrkenAdolescent
16th January 2006, 6:53 PM
*claps*. Awsome One-shot. I liked how you did the Omanyte's POV, and how you described the humans with their fins and grass-heads :P.

Wynd
28th February 2006, 5:37 PM
That's so sad!! I'm tearing up over here.... *grumbles about fanfics pulling out deep-buried sensitivity and maternal instincts*

Great job... Not many writings evoke this kind of emotional response. Keep it up! ^_^