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PikaPika
13th November 2005, 11:31 AM
*Rated PG*
Well, this is looesly based opon my Return of Team Rocket RPG, but it is my first Fan Fic. Of course, the story will be a lot different, but here goes:
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Prologue
7 Years ago:
A mother was walking with her 3-year old son in the park. She sat down on a bench while her 3-year old son played on the jungle gym. Another mother sat down next to her.

“Hello.” The other mother said.

“Hi. Is that your daughter?” The first mother said, pointing.

“Yes. Her name is Nai. Is he yours?” Nai’s mom said, also pointing.

“Yes. He’s Yaj. Are you planning to let yours be a pokemon trainer like me?”

“Of course. My husband is Professor Palm, where young trainers get their Pokemon from. Trainers can choose between Dolphen, The dolphin Pokemon, which evolves into Orco, the Orca Pokemon, and then into Pengy, the penguin Pokemon. They can also choose between Seeder, the Seed Pokemon, which evolves into Sproutla, the sprout Pokemon, and then into Daisiea, the Daisy Pokemon. Last, but not least, is Firety, the fire kitten Pokemon. It evolves into Flameten, and then into Blazcat, all cats. I personally hope Nai chooses Seeder, but that’s her choice.”

“I hope mine chooses Firety, but like you said, that’s his choice. Let’s be friends. Here’s my phone number.” Yaj’s Mom said, jotting down a number and giving it to Nai’s Mom.

“Here’s mine.” Nai’s Mom said, doing the same.

Two years ago:
Rukairo looked out into the distance of the Pyramid. He knew that deep inside, Unown were using their psychic powers to keep the world in balance. Sometimes they were angered and caused a natural disaster, but at the moment, things were quiet. The only thing that he could sense was the sandstorm that was rushing outside. Nearby, his good buddy Sphinxiac, a large Sphinx, was guarding the entrance to the immense Pyramid of Mysteries. Suddenly, he heard a noise. He turned around, worried that the noise might have been caused by an intruder. He calmed down as he realized that it was just a Zubat. He knew that the Mummireds, Mummy-like pokemon, in the Sarcophaguses next to him were upset, and that was a bad sign. If something bad did occur, the prophecy ensured that a hero would rise. The question was, who?

Chapter 1
Last night:

A Pokemon Trainer named Yaj Snevets couldn't sleep. He was turning 10, and he could choose a Pokemon! He wanted to be the very best. The best there ever was. To catch them was his real Test. To train them was his cause! Still, he needed a Pokemon before that happened. He wondered if he would choose a Seeder, Dolphen, or Firety. He finally decided that he wanted Dolphen. It could evolve into Orco, and then into Pengy. He finally got his restless mind down to sleep.

"Professor Palm! Professor Palm!" Yaj said. He ran outside, only to find that his house was in the middle of a desert, in the middle of a sandstorm, instead of shady Palm Acres. He also wondered why the sand was not hurting his eyes. He looked back, but his house was gone. He could barely make out a image of a large triangle, but he had a bad feeling about it.

Just then, the sandstorm picked up the pace, and the triangle was the only shelter. He ran closer, and he noticed that it was a Pyramid! Yaj ran inside, and the entry closed shut. The Pyramid was now completely dark. He moved away from the
opening, but he bumped into the wall in the process. He fell, and noticed that the entry was glowing!

Light came in through the cracks. Yaj inched closer, curious. Suddenly, the entry burst open in a huge Beam of light! Rubble was everywhere. He looked outside and found himself face to face with a Rayquaza! The Legendary Pokemon came into the Pyramid, faced Yaj, and charged up a Hyper Beam. He fired it at Yaj, and then... Yaj woke up.
He jumped out of bed and got dressed. Yaj didn't bother with breakfast, he just raced outside and was relived that he was still in his town. He hurried to Professor Palm's lab.

"Ah, Yaj!" the Professor said. He was a kindly man, who knew almost everything about Pokemon. "Glad to see that you want to be a trainer."

"I sure am, professor. Do you have a Dolphen?" Yaj replied.

"I have just one left. You remember my daughter, Nai? She is going to be a trainer today, too. I know you and her are
the best of friends.” The professor said. Then in a low voice so only Yaj can hear, he said, “I think she’s taken a liking to you.”

"Wow! What did she pick?" Yaj said, knowing the first sentence he said had a double meaning.

"A Seeder."

"Well, I always knew she had the qualities of a trainer. After all, she's nice, smart, friendly, cute-" Yaj started.

"What was that last one?" the Professor interrupted.
"Ummm... friendly…" Yaj hastily replied.

"Here's your Dolphen."

"Thanks, Professor." Yaj said, and he left.

Yes! He had gotten a Pokemon. This was the first step on his way to Pokemon Master. He hoped to beat the Elite Four,
Capture all 500 Pokemon, and win the heart of Nai, Professor Palm’s beautiful daughter, who he hoped would finally admit that she loved him… Wait, you didn’t hear that last part.
Yaj stopped by his house to say goodbye to his Mom and Dad. After a very tearful goodbye, he left on his journey with a hat and a Pokenav his parents gave him.
He started to leave by means of Route 131, the route to Newtree Gym, when he was stopped by a trainer. Not just any Trainer. He was stopped by Nai.

“Hey, Yaj, wanna battle?” she asked.

“Sure.” Yaj replied.

Yaj felt like he was in a trance. He was just spellbound by her, he barely remembered to send out his new Pokemon in a nearby stream, forget about attacking. Dolphen used a water gun on Yaj to wake him from his daydream. He then realized what was happening.

“Seeder, use absorb!” Nai said.
A beam shot out of Seeder’s mouth, sapping Dolphen’s energy.

“Dolphen, dive under the water and stay there!”
Dolphen did so, causing the Absorb attack to be broken off.

“Dolphen, charge a tackle attack!”
Underwater and safe from attacks, Dolphen took aim at Seeder and started charging an attack.

“Seeder, keep moving!” Nai said.

“Ready… fire, now!” Yaj said.
Dolphen fired the tackle and scored a direct hit on the Seeder, causing Seeder to faint. Nai recalled it.

“Nice battle, Yaj. I need to give you this. My dad forgot to give you one.” Nai said as she handed him a Pokedex. “Now, I’m not easy to impress, and that battle impressed even me. Want to become rivals?”

“Sure!” Yaj said, going into his dreamlike, spellbound state.

“Okay, here’s my Pokenav number.” She said, taking Yaj’s Pokenav and programming her number into it. She gave Yaj her Pokenav. “Put your number in."
Yaj did so and gave her Pokenav back. She gave Yaj's back as well.

“Bye!” Nai said, and she walked off.

Yaj watched her until she disappeared in the distance. Finally he snapped out of his spellbound state and put the Pokedex in his pocket. He told himself that he would not go into that trance again. It was embarrassing.

A shape then jumped out of a bush and attacked Dolphen!

The shape was Munchlax, the eating Pokemon. The Pokedex in his pocket vibrated. He took it out and opened it.

It showed Snorlax’s pre-evolution’s picture and said, “Munchlax, the eating Pokemon. Munchlax goes on a rampage every hour unless fed every hour.”

Yaj threw a pokeball. Munchlax ate it. Yaj was threw another one, but Munchlax turned red. The Pokeball went right through and returned Dolphen.

It shook once… twice… three times… It stopped! Yaj had caught Munchlax. He continued on his merry way, only to find Nai being robbed by Team Rocket, infamous Pokemon thieves. They had no respect for pokemon, all they wanted was money, and lots of it.

“Now give me all your pokemon, and no one gets hurt.” The thief said.

“Never!” Nai said. She then noticed Yaj in the distance. “Help, Yaj!”

This was his chance, Yaj realized. He could beat the thief, win the heart of the girl, all that jazz. He ran up and helped her out.

“Oh, a boyfriend, eh? Well, I’ll just take your pokemon, too! Go, Pikachu!”

Yaj was swept into battle. His Pokedex was shaking, but he ignored it. He decided to send out Munchlax.

“Go, Munchlax! Hyper Beam!” He said. Munchlax was obedient and did so. It hit Pikachu square in the chest.

Without bothering to finish the battle, the thief took Nai’s Pokemon and drove off. With no fast pokemon to help, Yaj had to give up and continue on his journey. He comforted a crying Nai, notified the authorities, and got her a room in the Newtree Pokemon Center. At the Center, he noticed that sign-ups for the Pokemon League were being held there today.

“Hello, I would like to register for the Pokemon League.” Yaj said.

“Sure, just sign here and here.” Nurse Joy told him, pointing.

Yaj did so, and Nurse Joy took the sheet and gave him a case.

“What’s the case for?” Yaj asked.

“It’s so you can keep your badges safe. There are eight Gyms in the Daseno region, one here in Newtree city, one in Salebaro, one in Icy Peak, Another in Starville, one more in Niceville, and a few other towns, Violet town, Magby Island, and Victoryville. The Elite Four are on Champion Isle, A remote island due North, at the end of Victory Road, a long tunnel that tests a trainer’s ability.” She answered.

“Thanks. Where is the Gym?” Yaj asked.

Nurse Joy gave him directions, and he walked over there. When he got there, the gym was closed.

“Why is it closed?” he asked an Old Man nearby.

“Because the leader is having lunch.” He answered.

It was then that Yaj realized that he was hungry, too, so he thanked the man and went to go find something to eat himself. Afterwards, he came back, and the gym was open! He stepped opened the door, and stepped inside.

Bugs were everywhere. They were on the walls, on the floor, everywhere. Yaj didn’t see any people. He also now knew why they left when eating lunch. He walked forward, and heard giggling. Looking around, he still didn’t see anyone. He heard it again. Still no one. Again. Yaj was starting to get freaked out now. Then the wall moved downwards, and he saw a kid, using a camouflage cape crawling with bugs.

“Where’s the leader?” Yaj asked.

“I am the leader.” The kid said. “My name is Ozzie.”

“No you don’t, I saw a show once where a kid was claiming to be the leader of a gym, but he was a fake, and the real leader was an adult.” Yaj said.

“I am the leader. Watch. Go, Nincada!” Ozzie said.

Yaj’s Pokedex shook. He opened it.
“Nincada,” It said, “The beetle pokemon. Nincada burrows underground for three months for the long winter. If it is caught, it will stay in it’s pokeball for those months, and will not come out, no matter what.”

“Do you have a lake for me to put my pokemon in?” Yaj asked.

“Of course.” He said as he hit a button and a gaping hole opened in the floor, revealing a large lake.

“Go, Dolphen!” Yaj said.

“This is a one-on-one battle between Gym Leader Ozzie and Pokemon trainer Yaj. Two pokemon may be used on each side. There are no substitutions. If a Pokemon is substituted, it is considered unable to battle.” Said a kid on the side of the wall that had just removed his cape. “Let the battle begin!”

“Dolphen, Water Gun!” Yaj said. Dolphen let a jet of water out of it’s mouth, hitting Nincada and knocking it clear over to the wall, making it hit the wall and kill some innocent bugs. Nincada had little x’s on it’s eyes (It’s an anime, for goodness sake).

“Nincada is unable to battle.” The boy on the sidelines said.

“Nincada, return. Go, Shedninja!” Ozzie said.

Just then, a mysterious shape came through the door.

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Well, what do you think? It is the first of an unknown series of chapters, Probably at least 50. If you look closely, you might catch a few references to the Anime. Try to put a few of the sentances in the second paragaph to the first season of Pokemon's theme song. A bit shippy, yes. If you don't like how I handle the shippy parts, I have never been very good at romantic stuff (I'm more of a comedian), but I felt like those needed to be in there. Chapter two will be up soon.

Yami Ryu
13th November 2005, 11:37 AM
you're sig kills my computer like your 'chapter' kills my eyes

Okay, what do you think, that you can write **** fanfiction because your Role Play attempts, that were pathetic, got closed?

...

I don't think so.

You failed in following the basic rules, the chapter is way too short, too rushed, and lacks in a whole lot of other areas. I doubt you even wrote this up in a word writing program, but the reply box instead. And doubt you even put much of an effort/attempt into it too. You failed in describing anything, and would leave people wondering as to what the **** you're on about. So maybe you should take the time to write out the next chapter, unless you like seeing threads closed...

PikaPika
13th November 2005, 12:48 PM
you're sig kills my computer like your 'chapter' kills my eyes

Okay, what do you think, that you can write **** fanfiction because your Role Play attempts, that were pathetic, got closed?

...

I don't think so.

You failed in following the basic rules, the chapter is way too short, too rushed, and lacks in a whole lot of other areas. I doubt you even wrote this up in a word writing program, but the reply box instead. And doubt you even put much of an effort/attempt into it too. You failed in describing anything, and would leave people wondering as to what the **** you're on about. So maybe you should take the time to write out the next chapter, unless you like seeing threads closed...
Correction: one of my RPGs got closed. My other one, the one that this Fanfic is based on, is still going strong. And Yes, I did put this in Microsoft Word. It is 5 Pages, size 12, Times New Roman Font, single spaced. And Not all my stories are bad. I have gone to the Califorina State writing competition and gotten 3rd place! The rules say that It should take up at least a Page per chapter. This takes up five on Word. The reason why this was short originally was because I was saving from the battle on for chapter 2.

Yami Ryu
13th November 2005, 12:55 PM
Wow. Size 12 font.

What size are you using now? Probably size 3.

Your logic fails -_-

And what I said still stands. This is rushed, lacks depth, description, etc. I suggest you stop trying to script badly and try learning how to actually write a fan fic.

PikaPika
13th November 2005, 1:02 PM
Wow. Size 12 font.

What size are you using now? Probably size 3.

Your logic fails -_-

And what I said still stands. This is rushed, lacks depth, description, etc. I suggest you stop trying to script badly and try learning how to actually write a fan fic.
Size 12 font on Microsoft XP is diferent then the one here. Size 12 font is the same size as size 3, but size 3 translates to size 12 here in America. This site has it differently because it is an English site. Or maybe because it is a web site, and not a U.S. word processor.

Yami Ryu
13th November 2005, 1:06 PM
Fine. Whatever.

You're still ignoring what I pointed out about your fic. You lack description, you don't let anyone know what the **** a dolphen or Seeder look like, you don't attempt to describe anything outside of the craptacular basic, and you try to change the subject by going into a font size discussion.

You rushed something that easily could have taken three chapters to write up, used the basic crappy rival plot/trainer plot/etcetcetc plot, and it seems have not attempted to try and make it original or give the characters any character.

And as I said for another fic; Scripty. Tacky. Sucky. Lacky. -_- because if you won't take criting, maybe you'll understand what everyone would scream 'A flame a flame a wild flame!' at.

.Dan.S.2006.
13th November 2005, 1:27 PM
*Butts into conversation (or should I say flame war o.o)*

I must say that I agree with Renegade on some points. It does lack descriptions at many points and some character explanations would be nice. You could probably slip in a prologue to sort that out.

Also you're structure is not very good. Put lines between paragraph and maybe more than just one line speech. The length is a bit short. For instance my fic's chapter one took up 4 and a half pages on size 12 times new roman font, you may need to work on extending some of you ideas.

The concept is good but you just need to work on grammer and spelling and you'll be there. I can see a lot of imagination but don't rush it, take your time.

And BTW I am not flaming before you get out that fire extinguisher *ducks*

PikaPika
18th November 2005, 11:49 AM
I'm not taking that as flaming. That is being a critic. When SOME people are rude in their critisism, *Glares at Renegade and Psychic (She caused me trouble on my Return of Team Rocket RPG)* others, like you and Power Shot, give me pretty good advice. On a lighter Note, I got Chapter 2 up, and I am working on Chapter 3.
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Chapter 2

“Surrender your pokemon or suffer the consequences.” The figure said. He stepped into the light, and Yaj discovered that he was the same thief from before! He walked up to them, his boots making crunching sounds as he went. Yaj returned Dolphen before he could get the baby pokemon, but it was too late for Ozzie. The thief walked up to his Shedninja, and, quick as a whip, put it in a cage.

“I don’t believe I introduced myself. I am Team Rocket’s number one admin in the Daseno region, Slash. And this is my counterpart, Burn.”

He then sent out a Charmelion. It had a menacing look in it’s eyes, the look that wanted pain, and suffering. Yaj shuddered, and forced himself to look away. Burn set the gym on fire, and made his getaway with Slash. Thinking fast, Yaj sent out Dolphen and told it to use water gun. He used his Pokenav to call the fire department, and helped Ozzie out of the gym, leaving Dolphen inside. It’s strong resistance to fire attacks made it perfectly capable of staying inside the building to knock out the blaze’s heart. If the building came down, Dolphen could dive underwater to avoid getting hit.

Quickly, the fire department came, and sent out Squirtles, Wartortles, Blastoises, and Pengys. The Pengys used Ice beam and Blizzard to cool off the fire and leave the gym intact, while the other pokemon used Water Gun, Hydro Pump, and Blast Cannon, respectively.

Yaj saw Slash in the distance, and chased after him. He had stolen pokemon from two people, and he wasn’t going to get away with it. Yaj chased after him, and to Yaj’s surprise, Slash’s foot got caught in a tree root. He couldn’t get out, and Yaj was catching up fast. In his jeep, he saw Nai’s Seeder! He checked his Pokenav. Two minutes and counting. He checked to make sure he had plenty of berries in his pocket.

“Hey, you!” Yaj yelled. “Give back those Pokemon!”

Slash managed to free himself from the tree root and walk up to Yaj.

“So, it’s a battle you want, eh? Well, if it’s a battle you want, it’s a battle you’ll get. Go, Charmelion and Pikachu!”

Yaj was about to use Dolphen and Munchlax, but realized that Dolphen was still fighting the fire back at the gym. So, he said, “Go! Munchlax!” He then checked his Pokenav again. 30 seconds.

“Ha! You think you can beat me with that? Well, for your information, it’s two against one, so it looks like I will win and steal your pokemon!” Slash said.

“Six… Five… Four… Three… Two… One…” Yaj said. Then Munchlax went on a rampage and released a barrage of Hyper Beams, hitting both Charmelion and Pikachu until they fainted. He emptied his pockets of berries, and Munchlax happily stopped his fire and ate them.

Slash looked stunned. He couldn’t believe it. That kid had just beat him with a Munchlax that he never gave any orders to. When he was in shock, Yaj took the Pokemon’s cases from the jeep and the ground, and ran away, returning Munchlax. Slash chased him, but was faced by Officer Jenny. Knowing that he was a wanted man, he ran for his life, but was easily captured by the Officer.

Yaj went back to the gym, and found Ozzie on a park bench, crying. The fire was out at the gym, so he returned Dolphen and came back to Ozzie. He put Shedninja’s cage on Ozzie’s lap, and tapped his shoulder. Ozzie looked up, and saw Shedninja.

“Shedninja! I was so worried about you. Here Yaj, take this. It’s for saving the gym and getting my Pokemon back.” Ozzie said as he presented Yaj with the Crawly Badge.

Yaj took it and put it in his case. He then left to go to the Pokemon Center.

“Where are you going?” Ozzie asked.

“I have to deliver this to someone.” Yaj responded, indicating to the cage he carried in his right hand. “Bye!”

“See ya later!” Ozzie said as he opened his Shedninja’s cage.

Yaj hurried to the Pokemon Center. He had regretted not coming here first, but Ozzie was an eight-year-old in distress. He knocked on Nai’s door.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“It’s me, Yaj. I have a surprise for you. I know it is something you have wanted to see for a long time.”

Nai opened the door and saw Yaj carrying her Seeder.

“Thank you!” she said, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Yaj blushed.

“I’ve been wondering. The way you’ve protected me from harm and made it your number one priority to save my Seeder, plus the way you comforted me when it was stolen, can I follow you, so you can protect me from more harm?” She asked.

Yaj was taken aback at this. He knew he liked her, but he wasn’t expecting her to like him back, or be anything more than just rivals. He knew of a famous trainer that had a person who followed him around because of her bike he broke, and it was somewhat obvious that she liked him more than just friends. He answered her question the way everyone reading this would expect.

“Sure.” He said. “I’ll go get myself a room.”

“There’s no need. There are two different rooms in mine, with separate bathrooms and a door to separate them and everything. I don’t want you to spend more of your hard-earned money on another room when there is everything you need right here.” She said.

“Okay then. I’ll take that offer.” Yaj said, and Nai invited him in. She also told him which bed was his, ect.

The next day:

Yaj and Nai woke up to get breakfast, when they saw three people at a table nearby, two of them having an argument. One was tall, had black hair and a red hat, plus he had a Pikachu on his shoulder. The girl sitting across from him was a fiery redhead, with short, pale shirt and blue shorts, holding an Azurill. The third had brown clothes and tan skin, and looked like he had never opened his eyes before, but was clearly not blind, for the second Nurse Joy appeared, he ran up to her, leaving the other two, the ones that were arguing, behind. Apparently, he was madly in love with her, for the other two stopped their argument and pulled him away by his ear. (You know who I am talking about now, right?) As soon as they let go, he ran up to Nai.

“I was stunned by your beauty, and you penetrated into the deepest regions of my heart. I-Ow! Hey! Let me go!” he said before the redhead pulled him by the ear the same way she did before.

“Excuse Brock, he can be a pain when it comes to girls. I’m Misty, the gym leader of Cerulean city, and that’s Ash. Ash! Get over here!” she said.

“Okay, I’m coming Misty!” The boy with the Pikachu said.

“It’s a good thing you got here in time, because if Brock had done that for one more second…” Yaj trailed off, and Misty put a sly look on her face. As soon as Ash showed up, she said, “You know Ash, I think he’s jealous of the way Brock just treated her.”

Yaj turned red and denied everything.

“What’s your name?” Misty asked.

“I’m Yaj, and that’s Nai.” Yaj said.

Ash and Yaj then started to talk to each other about pokemon, giving Misty and Nai some time to distance themselves.

“So, you like him, don’t you?” Misty asked.

“Yeah, he can charm any girl. Do you like him?” Nai said, pointing to Ash.

“No.” Misty hastily replied.

“Come on, I was honest.” Nai said.

“Okay, I guess I do, sorta, love him. We’ve been through thick and thin together. But I’m scared to tell him.” Misty admitted.

“As am I. I’m afraid he doesn’t like me.” Nai said.

“From what I’ve seen, he does. He was jealous when Brock fell in love with you. Like every girl he’s ever seen…” Misty said.

"Hey, Misty! There's food here!" Ash interrupted.

Misty got up, picked up a mallet, and whacked Ash with it, saying, "Don't you see we were having a conversation?"

“Nai! Come on!” Yaj said.

Nai sighed. “I’ll see you later, Misty.” She said.

Yaj and Ash exchanged Pokenav numbers and decided to become rivals. Nai and Yaj walked into the distance, waving goodbye to their new-found friends.