21st November 2005, 8:39 PM
Well, following my less-than-well-known fanfic Electricity, I thought I would have another go. Its a Pokémon take on a well-known novel, but I'll let you figure out which one for yourself, and don't tell people which novel if you do figure it out, as I want to keep the ending as much of a suprise as I can. If your desperate for confirmation if you guessed right then PM me. By the way, if you do like it, tell your friends, rate the thread, help me get word out because I don't want another flop like Electricity. I'll also run a PM list so ask to be put on it.
Anyway, I haven't got much writing done yet, but here's the prologue to whet your appetites a little.
Rocky made his way through the mountainous countryside to the place he was looking for. Security was tight, he could tell, but Saint George had said they had someone on the inside. It was incredible to think that his organisation could penetrate such a tight group. He doubted Saint George was his real name, but the metaphor was obvious; Saint George slew the dragon. It seemed like weeks since he received that phone call, in fact it was more like hours. He had spoke with the man, but he had never seen his face.
“Are you James Black?”
“There’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. Most people call me Rocky.”
“I have a task for you.”
“What task would that be?”
“It is difficult. But we have someone on the inside.”
“On the inside? Of where?”
“We face a common enemy. You must know who I am talking about.”
“Not just Lance. The enemy of the Guild of Saint George is the entire Dragon Country community.”
“You have someone on the inside of the Dragon Shrine? But it takes years to become an elder!”
“Our organisation has had years. We are a community committed to the destruction of Dragon Pokémon. Finally we have a way.”
“But how? Who are you?”
“I am Saint George.”
“What would my task be?”
He told him.
“I will do it. I shall call you when I have finished.”
He was not surprised that this man knew of his hatred of Lance, almost every ex-member of Team Rocket had a grudge against him. He was the reason behind its disbanding. And for the acting leader, the grudge went deep. After Team Rocket’s disbanding, Rocky went freelance. He did jobs for people. Illegal jobs. But this was not just law breaking; it would change the world forever.
He reached the doorway to the shrine, and sure enough, it opened. This was going to be easy.
22nd November 2005, 6:04 PM
*Wakes up* Oh, it's over? Seriously though, you need to do better than this. The Description was non-exsistent. Tell us what Rocky looks like, what the shrine and the mountains look like. Description is your friend. It wants you to use it. It will be sad if you don't use it, etc. Also space your speech out like this.
"Get up slime, and fight me!"
It did not make any sence at all like BT said, And I was bored by the first paragraph to be honest. But your spelling was good.
22nd November 2005, 6:10 PM
Well, I see I have suceeded. The prologue was supposed to leave you wondering, its a shame you interpreted it badly. Its not one of my better efforts, I admit, but your questions will be answered by the end of chapter 2, simply because we don't meet Rocky again until then. Chapter one is coming along nicely, I hope you like it better than the prologue. *waits to be flamed*
EDIT: In fact, here is Chapter One. Its kinda... long; probably could have been split into two but I didn't want to break this bit up.
Roan climbed through the small gap in the cave wall that marked its end. He was glad to be back out in the warm summer air. The ice path had some beautiful rock and ice formations, and some very useful Pokémon, but he forgot to bring a coat and he was glad to be out. He’d had enough ice to last a lifetime throughout the past few days. Roan was a boy of fourteen, with messy blonde hair and dressed in a green hoodie and dark green tracksuit bottoms. Though he was proud of the Glacier badge now proudly placed in the carry box in his bag, he did not react well to cold weather, and an ice gym and an ice cave within days of each other was not his ideal week. But he was through the cave now, and was feeling ready for his next gym challenge, particularly as the floor of the gym was made of lava. He scrambled down the short rock face that followed the cave, and took in his new surroundings. Blackthorn City. It was a fairly small place, in a valley in the North East of the Johto region. To the North was the Pokémon gym, at the foot of a large mountain over which Roan knew was the Dragon country, a sacred place filled with the strongest kinds of Pokémon, where only elders of the Dragon Shrine are allowed. The Dragon Shrine is a monastery dedicated to the Dragon type and to the legendary Pokémon Rayquaza; not that any more than a few people believed in those fairy tales anymore. Roan was eager to mount his gym challenge, so he headed towards the Pokémon centre. Roan had seen many pictures of this town, it was known for its brilliant countryside. The town usually appeared sleepy and laid back. Today however there was a kind of spark in the air that made Roan feel that something important was going to happen. People were moving with a certain excitement. Most people who lived in this town were members of the Dragon Country, you could tell. This town was home to the Worlds greatest trainers, including the current Johto champion, Lance.
He reached the Pokémon centre. It was surprisingly empty considering the town was so busy. He walked up to the nurse behind the desk.
“Hello and welcome to our Pokémon centre,” she said with the customary greeting. “Would you like to restore your Pokémon?”
“Okay, please wait a few minutes,” she placed his Pokéballs on the nursing machine. Roan always thought they resembled pinball machines. He remembered the people outside.
“Is there some event happening today?”
“Of course there is, I’m surprised you don’t know. Actually, its tomorrow, it’s the green orb ritual.”
“The green orb ritual?”
“Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it.”
“I’m not from around here. I assume it takes place at the shrine?”
“Of course. The chief elder selects a member of the Dragon Country community and asks them to go on a pilgrimage to Mount Pyre, to collect the green orb so it can be offered to Rayquaza at the shrine.”
“Ah, I see.”
The machine behind the counter pinged.
“Well, your Pokémon are ready.”
“Thank you, goodbye!”
“We hope to see you again!” she said, again in the customary goodbye. He had always thought it an odd thing to say at a hospital. The gym was not too far from the centre. It was situated on the edge of a large pond, with a cave at the other side. The mountains around Blackthorn were known for having a large Lead content, so he thought he would stay out of the cave. He stepped into the gym. It was quite a sight. It was like walking into a volcano. The floor was indeed made of lava. He was stepping onto a metal platform suspended in it. It was not a straight path to the gym leader; in fact, there was no path at all, just a ladder to an upper floor. He climbed it. The new floor was much cooler. The first thing he noticed were some giant square boulders, and a hole in the floor of the same size.
“Of course,” Roan said exasperatedly. “Go, Rhydon!” He threw the Pokéball. Rhydon was a giant bipedal rhino of the Rock type. Its huge powerful limbs were ideal for moving these boulders.
“Rhydon, use Strength. Push one of these boulders into that hole.”
Rhydon obeyed. Roan peered down the hole, and sure enough, it had formed part of a path. From his experience with gyms, he expected it to be harder than this.
“Go Altaria!” he released the Pokémon. It was a giant bird of the Dragon type- though it did by no means resemble a Dragon. It looked like a bluebird, with wings made of brilliantly white cotton. It was about as tall as Roan.
“Fly up in the air and see if these boulders are arranged in some sort of a puzzle,” Roan commanded.
It flew upwards with remarkable agility, and hovered in one place for a moment. It looked back down at Roan, and gave an unmistakable nod.
“Can you think of a way to get one boulder down each hole?” asked Roan. He realised he might be asking too much, but Altaria are startlingly intelligent Pokémon. It flew higher up, to get a better view, and nodded to Roan again. His Altaria hadn’t failed him.
“Okay, try and work with Rhydon and get these boulders down the holes,” he commanded. His Pokémon were well trained, and he put particular emphasis on teamwork.
Sure enough, his two Pokémon communicated, and within minutes had solved the puzzle. He recalled his Pokémon and descended the ladder. They had been successful, and there was now a clear path along the floor, to the gym leader, Clair. Clair wore a blue, somewhat revealing outfit and a blue cape. Her hair was electric blue and tied back in a large ponytail. He walked up to her.
“Welcome to my Pokémon gym. I am sure you are aware that I use the Dragon type.”
“You handled my puzzles remarkably easily.”
“I train my Pokémon to work well together.”
“You look like a strong trainer. Lets see how you cope against me! Go Dragonair!” she released the Pokémon. It was a snake Dragon, blue in colour with black eyes and ears that looked like angels wings. It had a small blue orb underneath its chin. It looked well trained.
Roan had a plan, however. It happened that his strongest Pokémon was perfectly suited to deal with Dragons. “Go, Lapras!” The giant blue sea monster came out of its Pokéball. It was of the Water and Ice types. It was taller than Roan and Clair. It looked a lot like a turtle, at least up to its neck, which was very long and rose up into the air. Its stomach and shell were a light yellow colour.
“Dragonair, use Outrage!” Clair ordered. Her voice was full of fire. Dragonair shot a burst of purple flame from its mouth, aimed right at Lapras.
“Lapras, Ice Beam!” the two attacks met in midair. The Ice Beam was easily overpowered.
Clair laughed. “You can’t use Ice attacks in these temperatures!”
Roan considered this for a moment. She was right. Lapras’ only other attacks were of the Water type, which was ineffective against Dragons. Unless…
“Lapras! Use Surf!”
Clair laughed again. “And there I thought you were a strong trainer. Water moves don’t work on Dragons!”
“What if I wasn’t aiming at you?”
Clair stopped laughing. “What do you mean?”
“Lapras, direct your attack at the lava to cool it!”
“What? No! Dragonair, Outrage!”
“Too late!” Lapras launched its attack. The molten rock began to cool. “Now, use Blizzard! Give us the advantage!”
Lapras obeyed. The temperature cooled further, and mist filled the room. The Blizzard attack hit Dragonair hard.
“Yes!” Cheered Roan. “Well done Lapras!”
“Its not over yet. Go Dragonair!” she released her second of the snake-dragons.
“Another one? I thought you would have learned your lesson. Ice Beam it!”
“Thunderbolt!” ordered Clair.
Both attacks hit their target. Dragonair fainted from the Ice Beam, and Lapras was severely weakened by the Thunderbolt.
“Go Dragonair!” Clair released yet another of her Pokémon “Thunderbolt!”
This attack was enough to finish Lapras off. It fell to the floor.
“Lapras!” shouted Roan. He was relieved to see its eyes open. But there was no more battling for him this match.
“Lapras, return!” he recalled his Pokémon. “Go Rhydon!” his Rhino Pokémon was released from its Pokéball.
“Dragonair, Overheat! Warm this gym back up!” it obeyed. It sent out jets of Fire in all directions. The newly formed rock beneath them began to reliquify, and the mist left the room. Clair smiled. “Now lets see you beat my Dragons!”
“Ice Punch, Rhydon!” ordered Roan, “the room may be hot again, but Ice Punch is a contact move. The Ice doesn’t need to last long.”
Clair gritted her teeth. The last of her Dragonair fell to the floor. “Fine. Dragonair, return,” She recalled her Pokémon. “Well,” she said, “that’s the last of my Dragonair, but the worst is yet to come. Go Kingdra, Hydro Pump!”
The seahorse-dragon launched the attack as soon as it left its Pokéball, sending a huge jet of Water streaming at the Rock and Ground type. It stood no chance. The mighty Rhino fell to the floor.
“Rhydon, return,” said Roan, his voice bitter, “Well, I didn’t want it to come to this, but I’m going to fight you dragon on dragon. Go Altaria!”
Clair laughed. “Fool! I can use Ice attacks! You’re Altaria is as good as finished!”
“Altaria, Perish Song,” said Roan. Altaria let out a low hum, a tune filled with dread and despair filled the air of the gym. “I know, that’s the point. Thanks to my Altaria’s Perish Song, your Kingdra has only three turns to live.”
“The same goes for your Altaria!”
“Yes, but even if you defeat one of my Pokémon in each of your three remaining turns, I will still have one left. I’ve secured my win.”
“Not quite! I still have my attack for this turn! Kingdra, Ice Beam!” The Ice Beam left Kingdra, but it never reached Altaria.
Roan allowed himself a laugh. “Funny how you forget the gym’s temperature when it doesn’t work in your favour. That’s it, you can’t win. Give up now, I’d rather not see your Pokémon hurt.”
“No! I won’t accept this! I refuse to give you the badge. You must pass one further test. Go over the mountain to Dragon Country, and enter the Dragon Shrine. There, you will truly be tested.” It was not a request. She had made up her mind.
“Fine. And when I pass your test, I expect the badge I deserve!” Roan recalled his Altaria, and stormed out.
“We hope to see you again!” said the nurse. Roan walked out of the centre and looked up at the tall hill. He decided to fly over it.
“Go Altaria!” he shouted, “Fly me to the Dragon Shrine!” He jumped on its back, and took off.
Ten minutes later he arrived at the entrance to the Dragon Shrine. He pushed the door open a little. The room inside was lit dimly, by candlelight. “Hello?” he called. No answer. He went in.
“Trainer! You are not welcome here!” shouted a voice. He sounded old, learned.
“I was sent by Clair! She mentioned a test!”
“You defeated her?”
“Forgive her, she is stubborn. Nevertheless, she has requested that I test you, and therefore I will.” The man stepped out of the shadow at the end of the room. Roan recognised him at once.
“Chief elder!” he bowed. The chief elder was a well-known man; he was the leader of the Dragon country. Roan felt like he had come face to face with the Pope.
“Rise, I hate formalities,” he smiled, “And you are?”
“Roan, from New Bark Town. Forgive me, sir, but what is this test, a battle?”
“No. It is a test of heart. You need only answer my questions.”
Roan relaxed. “So the test is just a quiz?”
“You might call it that. First, what are Pokémon to you?”
“They are my friends. I help them become stronger, and they reward me in return. My Pokémon are not my underlings, we are a team, and that’s the way it should be.”
“Very good. Second; what helps you to win battles?”
“Above all, teamwork. My Pokémon are trained together and work together in battle. They help each other and they help me.”
“Excellent. Third; what kind of trainers do you wish to battle?”
“Anyone. I don’t battle for titles or glory, I battle for enjoyment, and my Pokémon feel that way too. You win some, you lose some, it doesn’t matter, the ends are meaningless compared to the means.”
“Well put. Fourth; what is most important thing for raising Pokémon?”
“Trust. My Pokémon trust me, and I trust them. They know I know what I’m doing, and even sometimes when I get it wrong, they don’t care, they know that I never mean them any harm.”
“Excellent! Lastly; strong Pokémon. Weak Pokémon. Which are more important.”
“There are no strong or weak Pokémon, just recognised and unrecognised talents.”
“Brilliant! You have passed the test with flying colours! I haven’t heard such good answers since Master Lance himself stood where you stand. You now stand qualified to enter the community of the Dragon Country; but that’s not what you want, what you want is with Clair; no doubt she will arrive soon, expecting to gloat.”
Roan couldn’t help laughing. “Thank you, sir.”
“No problem my dear boy. How would you like to come and watch our ceremony tomorrow?”
“I would be honoured.”
“Then please do, we will begin at midday. Ah, here is Clair.”
Roan spun around. Sure enough, the Blackthorn gym leader had entered the room.
“Well? How did you do? I need not ask. You failed, of course.”
“Actually Clair,” said the chief elder, “His score bettered yours. Now hand over what he deserves.”
Clair stood looking at the chief elder, mouth hanging open. Roan could not help grinning. “My badge, please.”
Clair looked up, as if she had just noticed him. Reluctantly, she reached into a pocket, and revealed the Rising badge. “Well done Roan. The rising badge enables you to use the HM move Waterfall and causes all Pokémon to obey your every command without question.”
“Thank you Clair,” said both the chief elder and Roan. The elder continued, “I shall be seeing you tomorrow then, Roan. You may bring a guest if you wish. The Pokémon centre should have lodgings to accommodate you. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye, elder, Clair.” He walked out, and headed for the Pokémon centre.
22nd November 2005, 11:24 PM
Dude, space out your paragraphs and when new ppl talk so it doesn't look so messy.Well, there's more description than before, but still not good enough. Like Blackemerald said, description is you best pal in fanfic writing/typing.
If this is going to take place on Mt.Prye, what was the point of calling it blackthorn?
YANKEE DON'T DOUBLE POST AND ADVERTISE IN SUMONE ELSE'S THREAD*REPORTS*
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2017 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.