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Shadowcat
22nd November 2005, 7:09 AM
Now, I finally am going to post a Chaptered Fic that I do not plan to discontinue. Anyway, here's the preview:


Hoenn Lights

“Now, we have our final contestant. Contestant Number thirty, Lisa!” A lady announced through a microphone. She wore a magenta dress and white gloves, and her hair was short and was curled up. She was Vivian.

A girl with brown hair, with a red bandanna over it and it had a shape of half a Pokeball on it. She had a red shirt and white pants on, she also had a pair of white gloves on. She had red sneakers to complete her outfit. She enlarged a Pokeball, which she took from her waist, and tossed it into the air.

“Chris, come on out!” She said, as a Pokemon popped out of the Pokeball. A chick with red and orange feathers appeared, and the Pokemon started jumping into the air, spinning around in a circle before landing on the ground with its two feet.

“Torchic!” The Pokemon cried happily. The female trainer took in a deep breath, trying not to be nervous at all as she did not want her Pokemon to fare badly.

“Chris, start of with a Focus Energy, and follow up by using Ember,” said the girl, giving her Pokemon a command. A golden aura surrounded Torchic, and the Pokemon continued by using an Ember attack on the air. Small fireballs came shooting out of its mouth, stopping mid-way in the air.

“Chris, use a Scratch attack,” The trainer said, giving a command quite softly. Her Pokemon heard her, and jumped into the air, using its feet to perform a Scratch attack, which sliced the many fireballs into pieces. The shattered remains of the fireballs had slowly dropped onto the stage, letting out steam.

“Chris, finish it off with a Growl,” said the trainer, giving a command with a soft voice. Torchic took a deep breath, before letting out a growl.

“Torchic! Torchic! Tor! Tor! Tor!” The Pokemon growled, cheering the spectators up a little. Lisa bowed and looked up at the screen to see what the judges gave her. She got twenty-seven points, which she thought was good for a beginner like her. She recalled her Torchic without making a sound, and entered backstage.

“The results are being finalized currently, and we shall see which four trainers proceed to the next round,” Vivian said impatiently, wanting the results this instant. The results were out, five minutes later, and a picture of a man with yellow hair, a white shirt with a purple jacket over it, and magenta jeans. The man also had black shoes on, and next to him was his Milotic. Milotic, who was almost completely white in color, also had red and blue scales to complete it’s beautiful features.

“Robert from Silver Rock Isle!” Vivian announced happily. It was expected. After all, he had won the grand festival before.

Next, a picture of a teenager with green hair who wore a long sleeved black shirt, a purple jacket over it, and emerald jeans. He also had black shoes, and a red rose in his right hand. Next to him was a Roselia, with a blue rose in its left hand, and a red rose in its right hand. It was mainly light green and emerald in color, except for the roses of course.

“Drew from Slateport City!” Vivian announced excitedly. Drew, the one who got second in the grand festival, was in the semi-finals of course. He too, was an expert coordinator.

Next, a teenage girl and her Torchic appeared on the screen. Apparently, she was the final contestant, and Vivian silently thought that the girl had potential to become a great coordinator. Vivian happily said, “Lisa from Littleroot Town!”

Next, a picture of a girl with red hair, and a yellow blouse over a sleeveless red shirt and yellow shorts appeared. She had a Starmie by her side. Starmie had no eyes apparently, but had a red jewel in the middle of its star shape structure. It had ten pointed edges, all purple in color. The ten pointed purple starfish appeared on the screen, with bubbles around it.

“And our last semi-finalist is Misty from Cerulean City,” said Vivian happily. Lisa and Robert would be in the first semi-finals, and Misty and Drew would be in the second semi-finals.

“Let the Contest Battle begin!” Vivian announced, calling the battle to a start. Lisa and Robert both enlarged a Pokeball each, and tossed them out. Milotic and Torchic appeared on the field. Both Robert and Lisa knew that Robert had the advantage here, as fire was weak against water. But Robert was curious with what stunt May could pull out.

“Torchic, start off with Focus Energy, and follow up with Scratch!” Lisa gave a command, and her Torchic nodded. A golden aura surrounded Torchic, and the chick Pokemon ran as fast as a Pikachu to scratch Milotic.

“Protect,” said Robert calmly, and a golden barrier appeared around Milotic. Torchic scratched the golden barrier, but it was no use. There was not even a scratch on the barrier.

“Torchic, Growl, then Peck,” Lisa said calmly. Torchic let out a growl, lowering Milotic’s attack power. Torchic then ran forwards, trying to peck Milotic with its beak.

“Milotic, Water Pulse,” Robert said, wanting to end the battle. A blue ball of energy appeared when Milotic opened its mouth.

“Milotic!” The Pokemon roared, causing the ball of energy to go straight for the Torchic running in for a Peck. The ball hit Torchic on the head, but Lisa was prepared for it. Torchic nodded, meaning that he was ready too.

“Use your Reversal attack,” Lisa said rather silently, but Torchic heard her. A blue aura surrounded Torchic as it charged right at his opponent, using a Reversal. Robert was a little stunned, so was Milotic, and the attack shook Milotic rather badly.

“Surf,” Robert said, giving a command. A blue aura surrounded Milotic, and a wave of water appeared, crashing into Torchic, causing it to faint.

“Torchic is unable to continue battling, so Robert wins the battle,” Vivian announced. Lisa and Robert recalled their Pokemon and left the stage.

“I lost, but still … I was against a top-notch coordinator. I knew from the start that I would lose to him,” Lisa said, after using a revive on her Torchic, who heard her, looked sad.

<Sorry Lisa. It was my fault that you lost,> Torchic said sadly. Lisa looked at her Pokemon, and smiled.

“It’s not entirely your fault that I lost. It was my fault that we lost. Well, what’s done is done. Let’s watch the battle, shall we?” Lisa asked her Pokemon.

<Why of course. We need to improve our battling skills, so this is a good experience for us, watching expert coordinators battle each other. Hurry! We have to go in! We probably missed half of the second semi-finals!> Torchic said, running into the contest hall. Lisa giggled, and ran after Torchic. She carried Torchic in her arms while looking for a seat. Finally, she found a seat, and quickly sat on it, as she was rather tired.

“Chris, we totally missed the second semi-finals!” Lisa whispered to her Pokemon.

<Yeah, all because of you!> Chris taunted Lisa.

“Hey! You’re one cheeky Torchic! Now, watch what you say!” Lisa whispered to her Pokemon angrily.

<All right,> Chris said, apologizing to his trainer.

“It’s all right. It seems that for the finals, it’s Robert against a girl called Misty Waterflower.” Lisa whispered, waiting to see the outcome of the match.

<Now, hush! We’re supposed to watch the contest!> Torchic hushed.

“Starmie, Thunderbolt!” Misty commanded her starfish Pokemon, who let out volts of electricity at her opponent.

“Milotic, Mirror Coat!” Robert shouted, giving Milotic a command. Milotic glowed blue, as she used her powers to create a mirror in front of her. The Thunderbolt attack hit the mirror and the jolts of electricity were reflected back at Starmie, who almost fainted.

“Milotic, Hydro Pump!” Robert said, giving his Milotic a final command. Milotic let out a blast of water, which knocked out the starfish Pokemon. The jewel of Misty’s Starmie started flashing seven colors of a rainbow, as it fainted.

“Starmie, Return!” Misty shouted, recalling her Starmie back into a Pokeball.

“And we have a winner! Robert!” Vivian said, as Misty left the stage. Lisa left the Contest Hall with her Torchic to the outskirts of Route 102.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Neptune, Tackle!” A boy with a white cap, red and black long sleeved shirt and pants shouted. He was wearing the Hoenn Colors, like many others called it, shouted.

“Forest, Pound!” A boy with bushy green hair, a white long sleeved shirt and green jeans shouted. Two Pokemon, one was the wood gecko Pokemon, Treecko. The male Treecko had yellow eyes, and had an emerald body. It had a dark green tail, and magenta covered his chest and belly. The other was the mudfish Pokemon, Mudkip. The male Mudkip had orange cheeks, black eyes, and had a white tail. His chest and body was white in color, while the rest were cerulean in color. Both Pokemon charged at their opponents, a small puppy like Pokemon who had silky gray fur, red, blood-shot eyes, and black paws. He was the Bite Pokemon, Poochyena. The other Pokemon had red horns over her green head, which hid her eyes from people and Pokemon alike. The rest of her body was a pale white, and she was kneeling down, preparing to launch a counter attack. She was the feeling Pokemon, Ralts. Mudkip ran straight towards the Ralts, but was blown back by a blue energy force. Ralts had used a Confusion attack, causing the Mudkip to be slammed into a nearby tree.

“Neptune!” The boy with the cap shouted, running towards his injured Pokemon.

“Leroy, Neptune’s going to be fine,” The other boy said, trying to comfort the boy named Leroy.

“Benjamin, he’s fine. If we want to catch those Pokemon, we had better do it now,” Leroy said, telling his friend what to do.

“You’re right,” Benjamin said, after seeing Treecko collide into a tree, as Poochyena used a strong Tackle on Treecko.

“Neptune, use Mud Slap on Poochyena!” Leroy commanded his Mudkip, who started digging the mud in front of him, slapping the mud at his opponent.


That's the end of the preview, hopefully, I can finish Chapter 1 by this week. I plan to do 10 Chapters ahead, so that if I'm busy, I still can post the next chapter. Till then, I'll read every single post. Ja ne!

Dilasc
23rd November 2005, 12:48 AM
It sounds nice. There are a few problems though, namely with description.


A girl with brown hair, with a red bandanna over it and it had a shape of half a Pokeball on it. She had a red shirt and white pants on, she also had a pair of white gloves on. She had red sneakers to complete her outfit.

Now, say this out loud a few times. Sounds kind of listy, and it is. Description should flow, and works best when it does not detract from the overall story. It happens for most of the descriptions as well.

Other than that it sounds good.

Shadowcat
24th November 2005, 5:26 AM
Dilasc: Yeah, I plainly suck at description. I'll try to pull off some edits, on Chapter 1, since I haven't even finished writing it yet. Thanks Dilasc! In return, I'll read your fic!