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Kewlio-Fa'shoolio
23rd November 2005, 3:46 AM
A Trainer with Fire in his Eyes

By Kewlio-Fa’shoolio...

A/N: Whoa! This is a reeeeally old Pokemon fanfic that I am going to attempt to bring back from the grave. I’d tell you what it’s about, but that would ruin the part where you get to read it yourself and then give me a review. Heheheh! Anyway, read and enjoy!


Prologue...

Ash, Misty, and Pikachu sat in the kitchen of their house in Pallet town.

Ash and Misty were married now, though they never once forgot about Pokemon training. It was this mere thought that nearly brought Misty to tears when she finally spoke after a few moments in silence...

“Ash, do you know what today is?” she said faintly. Her crystal blue eyes glistened with tears that threatened to spill out onto her rosy cheeks.

Pikachu sat and watched, silently licking a bottle of ketchup.

Ash pondered this for a moment, “Oh no! It’s our anniversary isn’t it? I’m soooo sorry! I didn’t mean to forget! It won’t happen again I prom—”

“No you idiot!” Misty snapped. Her temper still remained after all these years, and with good reason too. “Sorry... Seven years ago, on this day, Jasper disappeared...”

“Oh yeah...” Ash said. He vaguely remembered his son. He was an eccentric child, and strange things always happened when he was upset. Once when they’d had a disagreement, Ash’s tie suddenly caught on fire... but there were no candles in the room.

“Do you think that, maybe, there is some way we could...” Misty started, but did not finish. She began to sob.

Ash went to her and held her close. “Yes, Misty. I believe there is some hope.”

BANG BANG BANG!!

“What was that?” Misty asked, alarmed.

“Open up Ketchum! We know you’re in there!” shouted a man’s voice.

“Misty, go to Professor Oak’s house and wait there! We’ll handle this...” Ash said as Pikachu leapt onto his shoulder.

“No, I’m staying here.” Misty said firmly.

“KETCHUM! Open the door now, before I do something I’m gonna regret!” shouted the voice.

Ash braced himself as the door began to give. The door suddenly exploded off its hinges and hit him in the chest, knocking the wind out of him. As he lay on the floor in a dizzied state, Misty called out to Pikachu to use thunderbolt. But before that could happen, the man who’d been banging on the door materialized from the smoke.

“Where’s the brat?” he asked harshly.

“He’s not here.” Misty said.

“Lies!” shouted the man. “No one, not a soul, lies to me!”

“I promise you he’s not here. We don’t ant any trouble, sir.” Misty said, quietly.

“Sir? Do you not know who I am?” shouted the man, “I’m Maxie, head of Team Magma and the man whose name strikes fear into the hearts of children!”

“I don’t care. Get out of my house.” Misty said, temper rising.

“Shall I take care of them, boss?” asked a woman appearing behind Maxie outside.

“You do that.” Maxie said. “I don’t care if I have to turn this house upside-down! I will find that kid...”

With that, the woman called a Houndoom from within its Pokeball. “Go, Shadowstar!”

Pikachu leapt forward to defend his family. “Pika!”

“Shadowstar! Use flamethrower!”

“Pikachu, thunderbolt!”

The two attacks clashed for a few minutes until finally, Shadowstar broke through. It was a powerful attack, and Pikachu was badly burned. The woman then proceeded to knock out the three occupants of the house and drag them to a van outside.

“Very well done, Adrienne.” Maxie said.

“Thanks boss.” she said. “Let’s go before that old man finds us...”

“You go on ahead. I have some unfinished business to attend to...”


* * *


High in the mountains in the most remote regions of Johto lies the Charizific Valley, home to several fire Pokemon and their training partners.

A boy stood next to a pool of lava, gazing into it with scarlet eyes. He wore regular training clothes and a red bandanna on his left ankle. He only stopped his gaze to look up at his companion, a Charizard named Bolt. He had blue lightning shapes all over his body, hence his name.

“Well, it’s been seven years, and here we are.” said the boy.

“Rrrrr...” growled Bolt.

Suddenly a young woman called to them from a cliff near a different pool of magma. She seemed to be upset. However, they did not hear her until she shouted a few more times.

“HEY!” she shouted, “You’re PokeGear is ringing and it’s interrupting Charla’s soaps!”

“Hold on!” he shouted back and leapt off of the cliff and scrambled down a rocky slope toward a rocky overhang. He climbed up about half way when Bolt flew up toward him and offered him a ride. They then proceeded to glide over the heads of several curious fire-type Pokemon, finally descending at the cliff where the Lodge was located.

The building was old and rickety, but it was home. Alyssa, now agitated by the PokeGear’s ringing, opened the door just long enough to shove the device into the younger boy’s face and then slam the door in it.


* * *


Ring! Ring! Riiiiiing!

He answered the PokeGear’s phone system, “Hello?”

“This is Professor Oak! Remember what I said when I gave you this PokeGear?”

“Yeah, it will only ring if there is an emergency at home.”

“Well, obviously it’s an emergency. You need to come back to Pallet Town as soon as you can!”

“Okay...”

“Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of people to help fix the damages.”

“Damages?”

‘I will explain when you arrive.” Then he hung up.

“Don’t people even say ‘good-bye’ anymore??” the boy wondered aloud.

“Charrr...” replied Bolt.

The boy strode back to the door and pounded on it loudly, “Alyssa! Alyssa!”

“What is it now?” she complained as she opened the door.

“That was Professor Oak. He said it was an emergency.”

“Oh. I suppose you’ve got to go home now, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I remember when your father came here all those years ago. My mother was in charge back then...”

“Oh... Just take care of everything while I’m gone, okay Alyssa??”

“Sure thing! Now get out of here!”

They laughed and then Alyssa and the boy shook hands as a gesture of friendship. He got on Bolt’s back and they flew off to Pallet Town...


* * *

A large group of people surrounded what remained of the Ketchum Household. Only moments before the explosion had caused the house to erupt in flames. A small group of teenagers stood off to the side, while a few gym leaders were attempting to clear the rubble in hopes of finding the bodies... if there were any.

The boy from the Charizific Valley landed a few moments later and ran up to the house. He could hardly keep from crying out. He just stood there, fists clenched and feet planted firmly in the dirt.

“I wonder what happened?” Said a short girl with blonde hair.

“I think that they’d had financial problems and got mixed up in a hoax of some sort.” replied a rather chunky boy with brown hair.

“Oh yeah? I heard they were looking for Ash and Misty’s son!” exclaimed another boy with spiky black hair.

At this point, Brock had to step in. “That’s impossible. Jasper went missing seven years ago when he was ten. All the found was a scorched fence and a fragment of clothing. He vanished. End of story.”

“Now, now!” said Professor Oak as he approached the group. He walked up to the teenagers and shook his head. “I happen to know that their son is still alive.”

“Prove it!” shouted someone.

Professor Oak looked at a tall boy with brown hair. “Would you be so kind as to introduce yourself, young man?”

“Don’t change the subject!” shouted the boy with black hair.

“Shhhh!” Brock said.

The boy that Oak had addressed turned to the group and said quietly, almost sadly, “My name is Jasper Ashton Ketchum...”

DKzM0mA
23rd November 2005, 12:39 PM
This isn't so bad...

The length is resonable and the description is pretty good. You didn't really tell us about why Maxie wanted Ash, unless he wanted revenge from all those years back O_O , and why was Jasper at the chariffic valley? Why did he leave his family and only Prof.Oak knew where he was? UNless this was intentional I am baffled -_-.

IceKing
23rd November 2005, 10:16 PM
Well, its not bad but it could definitely use improvement. Your writing level right now is what I expect of people in the adolescent age group but you can find that writing fanfiction will help you improve it. First as foremost, cut down on the dialogue. A fic with too much dialogue is easier to read but A LOT more bland and not as exciting to read. Have an eqaul balance of description/details and dialogue. Describe the settings, set the mood, give needed information (Jaspers dissapearance for example) there are so many things you can do without dialogue. And the Jasper dissapearnce thing just popped up out of nowhere, you should have added a prolouge with information about Jasper.

Also, work on your description. Give a little more than "Ash and Misty were sitting in the kitchen" and make it really picturable and try to get us to really get into the fic. Right now your fic is like a vanilla cake, but it would be really awesome if you added some chocolate frosting and sprinkles onto it.

As for the plot, I cant really say much about it now. Maxie coming in RIGHT when they mentioned Jasper was too coincidential. Instead, you should have had Maxie coming in and then them talking about Jasper or somethign like that, what you have is just too corny. And it surprises me than Oak wouldnt let Ash and Misty know there son isnt dead and would be so intent on convincing a bunch of teenagers that he is....

Overall:Its ok. Id give it a 4.5/10

Kewlio-Fa'shoolio
24th November 2005, 2:53 AM
To answer your questions about the plot, you'll find out in chapter two when I post it in a few minutes. XD

~Kewlio-Fa'shoolio