View Full Version : Two Ways --two friends story
24th November 2005, 6:38 PM
Well,this is my very first fanfic,so it wonīt be the best thing the world had ever seen....if you donīt like,I think you know where to go,now,if you have a worthy comment or help,please say it.for now,everybody can watch,but maybe it turns violent later...and I DONīT OWN POKEMON...I think thatīs all..
Two Ways -- two friendīs story
It was a beautiful day in Hoenn. On route 104,wild pokemon play happily,and trainers rest on the grass. However,something was breaking the peace in the heart of Petalburg woods.
"Mai, use falseswipe!" a voice said.
Immediately,a scyther take the order,and hit a Slakoth with an amazing speed.
"Okay,itīs done...now,pokeball,GO!" a girl said while throwing the red and white device.
The pokemon tried to break free,but finally gave up. The girl checked the pokedex,and the little "Slakie" was sent to the PC.
"Cool,this is the 10š pokemon I caught since I've been here," said the girl. She was tall, and her hair was long and dark. She had eyes that were brown and very bright.
Suddenly,she heard somebody asking for help,and she started running to the place the scream came from. When she finally reached there, she saw a man being attacked by a young man with a red cape and hood.
"Give me that!" said the red-caped man,while his Mightyena barked loudly.
"N-no!" The old man was scared, just when he saw the girl getting near. "Help me, please!"
This wasn't the first time she'd have to protect somebody. In her hometown, in the land of Johto, she had fight against some members of Team Rocket to save innocent people. She agreed happily the man's request, and released one of her pokemons.
"Go, Karsh!" A beautiful pidgeot popped out from the pokeball,and patiently waited for his master's orders.
"Karsh, use quick attack!"
"Mightyena, dodge it and use faint attack!"
The pidgeot's movements where quick, however the Mightyena managed to escape, then retaliate with an attack too quick to be seen.
The pidgeot had taken the damage, and just when the Mightyena was about to bite him, he quickly flew up, then strook back with fly,which had easily knocked out the Mightyena.
"You're not a normal girl...who are you?!" the young man with the red cape asked, shaking with fear.
"Me?..."the girl said while her Pidgeot gracefuly landed on her head. "I'm Sei, from Ecruteak, who is going to be the best Pokemon catcher and battler the world has ever seen!"
24th November 2005, 6:44 PM
Yay! I'm the first to post!
It's pretty good, tactless, and it seems kind of cool, but the plot seems a bit unoriginal, in my opinion. I hope that you'll put more excitement into the next chapters, I'll be sure to read and rate every single one!
24th November 2005, 6:59 PM
it will,my buddy,it will *evil grin*
if you donīt notice,itīs about me in the pkmn world,and itīll get some love further..and speaking of further...
The sun was shining brightly onto the small town of Verdanturf. In the Contest Hall, a contest based purely on coolness is taking place.
4 pokemon were participating in the contest:an aron, a wingull, a poochyena, and a taillow.
In the last round, the aron had almost won the contest, but the taillow was doing well also. The metal pokemon appeals with a take down, which gave it many points. However, the taillow used focus energy and startled the aron, making it lose all the points for that round, granting the victory for the young Tactless and his "Taily".
When he came out from the Contest Hall, a reporter walked near him.
"Hello, may I ask you a few questions?" the man asked the young man.
"Sure, why not," agreed Tactless. He was a tall, young man. His dark hair was collected in a ponytail, and his eyes were small and brown, with a warm look.
"Here we are with the young Tactless, a coordinator from Slateport, who has just started his career some weeks ago."
The reporter introduced the boy to the camera. "How do you feel about that last the contest?" the man asked him.
"It was kinda hard..." answered Tactless.
"There you have it, folks! This young man has spoken his opinion. We'll probably see him in an upcoming contest, where he will probably do just as well as he did today. Until next time!"
After the interview, Tactless started to walk towards route 117.
"Maybe I should go back home..." Tactless thought to himself.
I know itīs kinda lame now,but Tactīs life is gonna change,I swear
25th November 2005, 4:03 AM
I sure hope that it gets more exciting, the plot still seems unoriginal. But I'll still read 'em, cuz you're a friend, and like you siad, the plot will probably get more exciting. I'll be sure to read some more.
25th November 2005, 4:07 AM
Iīll send you another chapter if you donīt mind to correct it
25th November 2005, 4:22 AM
Sounds good to me. Can you tell us a little deacription of thae characters?
25th November 2005, 5:06 AM
Not bad. But a wee little more description would be nice... If you know what I mean.
25th November 2005, 2:14 PM
You need WAY more description. What does the Petalburg Woods look like? I don't know. You need to describe it to me. What is a Pidgeot? How is it beautiful. I need to be able to create a picture in my mind about what is happening, but there's not NEAR enough for me to visualize anything.
The vocabulary is that of a third grader. Instead of:
His dark hair was collected in a ponytail, and his eyes were small and brown, with a warm look., why not do
His lustrious dark hair was lengthy and wrapped into a ponytail and his eyes were practically squinted, but they carried a warm, chocolate color.
And there are some errors. Some Pokemon names need to be capitalized.
25th November 2005, 3:16 PM
yeah,you ALL are right,but Iīm not good to do descriptions neaither in panish,and I wonīt use a word wrong,so I do it simplish.
And thanks to mailman tongue for helping me with the spelling and grammar(word I didnīt know,BTW).
but Iīm writting 1,2 and 3 chapters,and they seems kinda nicer to me
25th November 2005, 3:54 PM
I sent you a PM, tactless, so go check your PM box.
BTW, I'm just doing this so you don't double-post. ^^
25th November 2005, 4:12 PM
You could use a thesaurus. At least find a way to show more effort.
25th November 2005, 7:40 PM
Wow. This needs a lot of work. The first thing I will say is description is like a heart. You cannot expect your fic to be succesful without it, the same with a person dying without a heart. I'm sure you could come up with words more exciting than:Object, colour. Your chapters are too short, make them longer. All pokemon names must be capitalized, as they are names. Overall this doesn't really want to make me read on.
26th November 2005, 2:22 AM
Well, as said before it's kind of unoriginal. But, it did sound ok. All
I must say is that you had quite a few errors but I was able to get over
it but other won't. All in all, it was ok, just put more
description in and it might just be a good one.
As always, be kind to the mime.
26th November 2005, 2:50 AM
wait,itīs YOU!*pointa at klaus*
err,well,itīs true,Iīm just starting,pease forgive my errors....and about the originality,believe me,itīs gonna get better(maybe) anyway,mailman is helping me to correct that description thing....hereīs another chapter,though
Chapter 1 - Seiīs begin
In the large city of Slateport, Sei was walking thru the streets. She had been buying some things for her Pokemon, and for herself, some dolls. She liked playing with dolls when she was a young girl. Right now, she loved to keep them in her room to make it look nicer.
Just then, she saw some people dressed like the man she meet in Petalburg woods, and decided to follow them into a large building to see what they were up to. Once there, she reconogized it as the famous Slateport museum, and in curiousity, started to walk around. While she was busy walking and taking glimpses of the exhibits, she quickly forgot why she was there, and talked with a man who was telling her about a project for a submarine.
Suddenly, two caped men entered the room, and with no warning whatsoever, sent a Mightyena and a Golbat to fight the girl. Sei thought that it's only fair if she sends two Pokemon to fight as well, and quickly released a Furret and an Umbreon.
"Kyra, body slam!" The Furret charged towards the Mightyena, but the Mightyena was quite fast, and was able to dodge the attack.
"Blackie, bite the Golbat!" As she said this, the Umbreon bit the Golbat like it was waiting for a meal, causing it to faint.
"Now, Blackie, use faint attack, and Kyra, use quick attack!" The fast Mightyena tried to dodge the attacks again, but the Umbreon was faster, and quickly pounded it with an extremely fast faint attack. While the Mightyena was stunned, the Furret used a quick attack on it, causing it to get knocked it out. The two men grunted in frustration, as they retrieved their Pokemon into their pokeballs.
"Fools!" said a voice aproaching from the stairs. A man with a long, red and black coat entered into the room.
"Why?" he asked. "Why must you get in our way? Our goals are pure and kind," he said, probably refering to Sei.
"Which goal?" Sei asked curiously.
"We aim to expand the land mass, but you're too young to understand it..." he answered. "I hope to don't see you again" he finished. That comment annoyed Sei. She hated being treated like a child, while she was already fourteen years old.
But then she started to think about what that man had just said. She runs toward him and the grunts. "What do you want, little girl?"
"Wait!" she said,almost breathlessly. "May I join you, sir?"
hope you like this more -__-
26th November 2005, 2:19 PM
Yeah, tact, I love it a lot more! ^^
It has more detail, and it's also a bit exciting as well. And I wonder what's gonna happen when Sei joins Team Magma? Good job. I'll be looking forward to reading the next chapters!
26th November 2005, 11:49 PM
lucky you,you read īem first |:3
27th November 2005, 2:35 AM
Wow! This is good!
29th November 2005, 3:52 AM
It sure is. And it will probably get better too. BTW, tactless, I changed my name, I was mailman_tongue32 now I'm ~♥Artemis♥~! ^^
Oh yeah, tact, check your PM box, I think I sent you one... I was finished proofreading the next chapter.
29th November 2005, 10:45 PM
yeah,I´ve noticed...how you did it??(bout your nick)
Well,here´s the chapter,hope you like them -the few you are still here,at least ¬¬; -
Chapter 2- Tactless' begin
After a long walk, Tactless reached the outside of Slateport, and decided to settle down for a break.
"Why must I ALWAYS go back home after contests?" he asked himself. "I have got to go on a real journey someday..."
He knew he wouldn't...he had always been a momma's boy, and he liked that. But on the other hand, maybe it'll be a bit fun...
"Hey, let's train a little bit, guys," said the young man, who energetically threw six pokeballs into the air.
The first was the Taillow from the contest, then a Beautifly, a Grovyle, a Poochyena, a Nincada and a Feebas.
"Let's try and look for some new movements for the next contest."
He looked at his pokemons for a while.
"Gecko, come here!" The Grovyle went near,and hugged Tactless. The boy pat him gently on the head.
"Now, let's see how to improve your Leer..."
The groovyle did his best, but the leer wasn't scary, but cute. Tactless sighed in frustation. "Maybe you'll learn to do it if you level up some more..."
He continued to try improving his other Pokemons' attacks. After the training, he and his Pokemon sat together under a tree, and quickly fell asleep.
"Mommy, I'm home!" the boy replied cheerfully to his mother.
"Hi, son!" His mother walked downstairs. "I saw your contest, I'm so proud of you!" said his mother, as she hugged him.
"Aww, thanks, mom..." as he tried to calm his mom down.
"With this ribbon, I can already pass to the next level!"
"That's wonderful, Will!"
Tactless didn't like the sound of that. The name "Will" hurt him as a burning dagger; he didn't like his real name, he was nicknamed after his lack of caring for each other's feelings.
"Yeah, thanks...um, mom?"
His mother looked at Tactless in the eye. "Yes dear?"
"I was thinking, maybe now I should leave home for a good time..." Tactless said, feeling kind of insecure of his words.
His mother looked at him. She didn't looked worried, neither sad. It was a strange expression the boy couldn't decipher.
"It's okay, I know you're not going to stay at home forever...you're already fourteen, a young man!" his mom answered.
"Thanks, mommy," Tactless said with teary eyes. He hugged his mother.
"Go, my boy, go and give your best!" She comforted him and sent him on his way. Tactless was finally on a real journey!
Not muhc,I know...but things needs to get going....I´ll send you next chapter from home if you´re not busy,Artemis
4th December 2005, 3:03 AM
Well tactless, I finally made it X-x
I did read this earlier, and despite my love for any story involving Magmas, I'm a bit confused on where you're going with your fic...
5th December 2005, 11:26 PM
I know it -_- ....I´ll want to post next chapters(I love 4),but I´m afraid I´ll have to post it without any correction on grammar...and it haven´t got title yet,so....
*edits*Well,here´s the nice version,now you can enjoy it properly ^_^
Chapter 3, The Encounter-
"Now I'm regreting that I left home..." complained Tactless. It had been weeks since he started his journey.
At the moment, he was walking heavily through route 110. And he didn't seem to be enjoying it, because
during the last three days the weather has been changing constantly.
"Damn weather," Tactless said, glaring at the rain above his head. Suddenly, as if the weather had heard the
boy's offense, the rain froze, and snow started falling from the sky.
"F***, what´s next?" the boy said bitterly. He hated the snow even more than the rain.
"I've got to look for shelter..." As he said this, he saw some guys with red capes trying to force an old man
to say something.
"WHERE IS IT?!" said one of the guys,grabbing the old man by the neck.
"It's none of your business, crap-geezer." the guy said as he threw the old man onto the ground.
When Tactless saw this, a feeling of pain pushed his heart. He walked towards the red caped people, and with
all of his bravery,he said, " Leave that poor man alone! "
As he said this, all of them turned around, and something shocked him. He recognized one of the girls as Sei,
his childhood friend.
"Sei?" he asked. He remembered clearly how they had met each other. Some years ago, he went to Johto to
visit his cousin in Azalea town. That day they played in the Ilex forest, which was a big mistake on their
part. When the night fell, they got lost, and couldn´t find they way back home.Just then, a girl was passing
by, nd after hearing their problem, decided to help them find the way out, since she was a more experienced
trainer. They quickly became friends, and when Tactless went back home to Hoenn, he and Sei started sending
letters to each other, back and forth.
"Numel, body slam!" he dodged the pokemon's attack just in time. Tactless then took out a Pokeball. Sei took
out one of her own as well.
"So, you've learned to do something else than suck?" she asked fiercely.
"You'll be amazed to see how much." answered Tactless with a grin, trying to intimidate her. He knew he
couldn't beat her, as most of his Pokemon's attacks were only for appealing...but he had to try, didn't he?
He couldn't give up. He had to show Sei just how much he had improved. So he sent out his best Pokemon.
"Go,Taily!" The bird, which had evolved into a Swellow since Tactless' last encounter with Sei, popped
gracefully out of her pokeball, then prepared to attack.
"Taily evolved?" she asked. "Anyway, let´s bring her some memories back...go, Anzu!" Sei released from her
Pokeball a Chikorita. Both Tactless and Taily remembered painfuly how that little thing had always beaten
them in the past.
"Taily, fly!" he commanded, kind of nervously. Just then, he gasped in shock, as the sun was shining bright.
"Anzu, use solar beam," Sei ordered, taking advantage with the sudden weather change. Tactless had lost all
his confidence, as the attack hit Taily directly, causing her to tremble in the air. However, she regained
control, as the boy sighed in relief.
"Keep on going, deary," the girl said, as her Chikorita continued firing light beams at the poor Swellow.
"Taily, try to dodge them!" Tactless advised his bird. The Swellow flying around in circles in the air, which
helped her to dodge the Chikorita's assaults.
"Taily, NOW!" the boy ordered. The bird obeyed, and swept down gracefuly, hiting Anzu and knocking her
down. Sei glared at him with some rage, and quickly retrieved her Pokemon. Just then, a voice came from
"We found it, let's go," called a tall man, with short and purple hair.
"Yes, commander Tabitha..." the girl answered "Don't get in our way, Tactless. It's for your own good," Sei
warned him as she followed the man.
"Oh my God," the boy said in shock. "This can't be true, not my best friend Sei..." Tactless just could not
believe a sweet girl like Sei was on Team Magma.
now you can continue your lifes
6th December 2005, 3:25 PM
Yay! I loved it, tact! It seemed to be more exciting than last time! I wonder what will happen to Tactless and Sei. Well, I'll be looking forward to reading the next chapters, and if you need me to revise 'em, I'll be there to help! ^^
7th December 2005, 8:38 PM
well,thanks...Iīll try to send you something. now Iīm wondering if I didnīt do it yet ;confused;
on the other hand,Iīll really love for someone else than me friends to catch an eyes on this fic -__-
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