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Heymamma22
26th November 2005, 4:09 PM
The Dark Days

This is my first fic so don't be expecting much. Iwill update every monday wendsay and friday.hER WE GO.

It Begins
It was a dark night, a tall figure stood on the cliff. The harsh sea raged beneath him, bashing into the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. The man was dressed up in black leather trousers and a black jacket. In addition to that he was wearing a black cloak with a hood, making it quite hard to see his face. He opened up his cloak and pulled out something. It was a child in a basket with a pokeball laid beside it. It soon started to rain and the man whispered in the child’s ear,
“I’ll come back to get you sis. Together, you and I shall rule the world!!”
And with that the man was gone whilst the basket wiggled on the cliff. The ferocious wind blew the basket off the cliff and it landed with a small ‘plop’ into the sea. The baby was still alive and the basket was still afloat. It sailed and sailed until it reached a small island. The island was called ‘Cianwood Island’. A couple soon found the baby and its pokeball and took it to care for. The man was called Brock and his wife was called Joy. She was a nurse at the local pokemon centre and he was now a retired gym leader. They took the child into the warm comfort of their house and took it out the basket. They unwrapped the shoals of her and then saw her face. As soon as Joy had saw this she screamed and told her husband that this child was evil, but he would not listen to her. The child’s face was pale and it had a huge scar down its left eye. It could still open and see with the eye but this one fact made the child so evil. They looked on the child’s arm and there was a tattoo, which said ‘Maxi’. The couple later found out that this was just marker pen so they washed it off. Lucy grew up very quickly and the pokeball that she came with was stored in a safe in the basement. At five she started to learn about and like pokemon. So she asked Brock if she could have one. He said she could when she was a bit older.
When she was 11 she started helping out at the centre when one day a man walked in and asked if he could talk to Brock. He was wearing a waistcoat on his bare chest and some denim jean shorts. It looked like he was exploring. In the back of the centre he waited for Brock and as soon as Brock came they started talking- about Lucy.
“She looks just like Misty doesn’t she? Except she has a huge scar on her face.” The man (who revealed himself as Ash) said.
“Yes I know but it couldn’t possibly mean-”
“No of course not, Maxi lives in Hoenn and couldn’t possibly know about Johto unless Misty informed him about it…”

*FLASHBACK*
Misty, Brock and Ash are all around 25 years old and are sitting on the edge of a cliff when Misty announces that she is joining team Magma. They ask her why and she says she is pregnant with the leader’s child so she must marry the leader and join up before she gives birth. As Ash fancies Misty hasn’t take it and pushes her off the cliff. Just in time Maxi comes on a Charizard and rescues her and they fly off in the distance hugging and kissing each other. Ash really gets angry and says he will never forgive himself. He and Brock part and go their separate ways…
*END FLASHBACK*

Kamia_Jay
4th December 2005, 11:26 PM
OKay. First of all you should doub;e space when you introduce a new character or just talking in general. This seems like its just going to be a regulat Misty and Ash fic and no originality what so ever. Also when typing numbers, write the word instead of just typing it; for example, one instead of 1. The story seems like it isn't going anywhere and I suggest that you should read the help threads around here.

Xiang
4th December 2005, 11:43 PM
Not too shabby. Description's OK. Just read the stickies, rules, and listen to the criticsim, and you'll do fine.

Ratiasu