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Shiny_deoxys
27th November 2005, 10:14 PM
Isn't it strange how dreams work? This story began one night after I had sprained my ankle. I was lying in bed and tossing and turning because of the pain shooting through my entire leg. However, after about an hour sleep finally came and took me. In the dream I saw the story that I am going to try and portray. It kind of reminded me of a poem that Robert Frost had written, so I titled this fic in honor of that poem. It will be rated PG-13 for violence. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story.

Here is the PM list for "Fire and Ice" so far.

Shiny_Mightyena
Klaus
Demy
Hidden_Mew
mindripper
Ivymoonrose
Sike Saner
Typhlogirl
~*Ratiosu*~
Black Emerald
Lady Myuu
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire.
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost
------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter One

It was dusk. The sun had just fallen beneath the horizon, letting the world fall into a state of darkness. It was as if life had been taken from the earth as every creature succumbed to the shadows. Slowly a cool breeze blew past the trees on an island that was many miles from any land whatsoever. As the sun left the island, the sounds of the native creatures began to subside as they went to sleep. However, this was no ordinary night.

The silence was suddenly broken by the panting of a small doglike pokemon who shot through the woods as fast as his little legs would carry him. This black dog was about a foot tall with a look of utter terror on its face. Some of the creatures in the trees looked down at the passing spectacle and wondered what could have frightened the beast to the point of madness. Foam was collecting at the pokemon’s mouth because of the intensity of its panting, and the dog looked truly insane.

The small canine was a Poochyena, a pokemon from the element of darkness. Energy was coming to him from the shadows, and that was the only thing that kept him running from his unseen foe, and he never looked back. Poochyena had seen something that was impossible, and yet what he had seen was pursuing him at this very moment. The dog began to taste blood in his mouth. He had been running at full speed for ten minutes straight, and his lungs were beginning to give out. Yet the black dog continued on diligently, for he would rather suffer death of exhaustion than the death that the beast pursuing him would bring.

As Poochyena sprinted down a forest path he began to feel the muscles in his leg start to give out. The dog slowed down to a trot so as to not exert too much energy. Even though he had to reach his destination as quickly as possible, he would not reach it at all if he overexerted himself and died. There was one small thought that kept the Poochyena moving:



I must tell the Master of the island.

I must tell the Master of the island.


Suddenly, the Poochyena tripped over the root of a large tree. Because he was running at a fairly fast rate, Poochyena fell head over heels before coming to a stop in a pile of weeds. The pokemon groaned in pain, feeling an aching stab in one of his front legs. Slowly he looked down and observed his leg bending at an odd angle and knew it was broken.

The Poochyena tried his hardest to limp onto his good feet, but almost all of his energy had been spent. After managing to get halfway up onto his feet he collapsed on the ground again. The small dog felt like giving up, so he lifted his head to look behind him. Out of the darkness of the woods began to glow a small flicker of orange, coming towards him at an incredible rate. Poochyena closed his eyes and once again tried to get to his feet, but it was too late.

Fire erupted all around the small canine in a spectacular burst of light. Every tree that surrounded Poochyena caught flame and started to emit immense heat. The small pokemon shielded his face from the heat with his unbroken paw. After what seemed like an eternity he forced his eyes open to face his enemy.

There it was, standing just beyond the tree line. It was a tall creature, silhouetted by the fire that surrounded it. The beast stood on two legs and had two arms which were outstretched. But the most horrifying thing about this creature was that its entire body was on fire. Shadows flickered everywhere, causing fear to be instilled in the small pokemon’s heart. The creature began to take small steps toward the Poochyena, its flaming body looking like a fiery demon from a nightmare. Although the small dog could not see it, there was a wicked smile on its face.

The creature raised its glowing hands above its head and gathered all the fire from around the forest into them. An enormous fireball formed in the beast’s hands and heat began to radiate immensely from it. There the creature stood over the small dog, about to deliver the most painful and ultimate destruction. Death by Fire.

Poochyena realized then that if he did not get the message to the Master of the island, there would be no hope for any of the pokemon in the entire world. Acting instinctively, Poochyena used his good legs to push him off the ground and towards his enemy. With all of his might the small dog bit his attacker on the leg. The creature screamed and the fire in its hands disappeared. By the time the fiery demon looked down at its leg, it realized that its prey had escaped.

Slowly Poochyena stumbled up a small hill, trying to remember where the entrance to the Master’s chamber was. After scraping along the rock covered ground, it finally found the small tunnel right next to a particularly large boulder. So as not to hurt his injured leg any more, Poochyena carefully walked through the cavern.

The air began to get colder the more that Poochyena descended into the ground. With every step the dog began to shiver. The Master’s chamber was not a pleasant place for any other pokemon in the world to go into, except for the Master himself. It was a place of calmness and solitude, and was therefore was the perfect place for the Master to hide himself.

After a long while of limping down the tunnel, Poochyena saw a light glowing around the corner. It was strange to see light down so far in the earth, but it comforted the small dog in the darkness and the extreme cold. As the pokemon turned the corner, his eyes beheld the Master, standing in his usual place; the center of the room.

The Master was Regice, the ruler of the island. Poochyena observed the Master from a distance because Regice was cold enough to freeze anything that got near it into a solid block of ice. The Master was six feet tall, and its entire body seemed to have been carved from the purest ice crystals in the world. It had seven yellow eyes crossing what appeared to be its face, and they brightened and dimmed in unison.

Slowly, Regice turned towards the small dog pokemon. Its large yellow eyes came in contact with the yellow eyes of the Poochyena. The dog felt thoughts in his mind coming from the Master.

What has made you approach my very throne this day?

The words sounded so pure to the Poochyena because they were not tainted by the language of the world. They reached his very soul and he felt his mind become more connected with his Master’s. Yet, Poochyena realized why he had come and what he had to tell the Master. Even though it was very cold, Poochyena began to sweat. Slowly, it focused its mind to the Master and bore the terrible tidings.

Master! I have learned terrible news. Poochyena hesitated, realizing the immensity of what he had to say. After swallowing once, he delivered his horrific message.

The Humans are Evolving!

katiekitten
27th November 2005, 10:53 PM
This is pretty good! *applaudes* Good idea putting a poem in, it is a good enticer and one of the things that encouraged me to read this. Good grammer, no spelling errors I could see, and the plot seems very interesting. A little short, and there was not much description, but then again, not much was needed. Good job! :)

Nylf
27th November 2005, 10:59 PM
Nice, very nice. I expected no less SD. Very deep as well. I kinda thought Rayquaza was going to be the master, but when it said Regice I remembered the title and it made more sense. Never had much respect for Regice, though this fic could change my mind. If what I am foreseeing from what I can read is going to happen.

YankeeFan2
28th November 2005, 1:25 AM
I really like this story so far. **smiles and starts to sing** Continue soon!

Shiny_deoxys
28th November 2005, 6:35 AM
Katiekitten: Thanks for replying. I don't think I have seen you reply to any of my other fics so it is nice to see some new readers. I hope I can up the description in the following chapters.

Nylf: So you changed your name! Fancy that! Anyway, its so nice to have you back. I don't know if I will make you respect Regice through this fic, but it just might happen.

YankeeFan2: Its nice to see you reading this as well, yet your post was very basic. I hope you continue to read however and I wish you luck on your fic writing adventures.

And to all that are out there, I hope that you reply. I know that this first chapter wasn't the best, so I would appreciate constructive critisism so that I can make it better. Thanks a bunch.

Hidden Mew
29th November 2005, 12:57 AM
That was a really good opening chapter. I liked how detailed everything was. The inspiration for this story also was really neat. It is always great when dreams inspire people. I felt so bad for the poor Poochyena when it broke its leg. I wonder who is the fire master is. I can't wait to see the next chapter.

Shiny anything
29th November 2005, 1:30 AM
Hey this sounds like a very intresting fic,sorry i havent replied in a while ive been so mixed up lately.

Klaus
29th November 2005, 5:54 AM
WOW! That was hott. I'm impressed actually because you had enough
detail to keep my mouth watering. I applaud you in your writing skills.

Keep me informed on this one.

As always, be kind to the mime.

Breezy
29th November 2005, 6:02 AM
Have I ever read one of your fics? :confused:

Ah well. If not, I'm glad I decided to take a gander at this one. *brownie points for using a Robert Frost poem*

Anyways, I liked the mood of the fic when it first started. It was slow, calming, smooth... then, smack, in your face comes Poochyena. I loved how there was a rush of energy and panic as Poochyena entered the picture and the intense heat and struggle to survive as he encounted the "creature".

Ah, the corruption of humans as they hunger for power...

Mmm, better review next chapter, I promise. =3

LaTeR dAyZ!

mindripper
29th November 2005, 4:50 PM
There the creature stood over the small dog, about to deliver the most painful and ultimate destruction

I can assure you that fire is way overrated as the most painful way to cause pain. If you know anything about the degrees of burns, it can be deduced that we will be looking at a third degree burn here, by which time nerve clusters below the epidermis would have been destroyed. Injury and death still beckon, but it is not that painful. Steam burns, for example, are known to be the most painful forms of burns, due to the higher latent heat.

Also, I wonder how a creature wreathed in fire can be bitten without the attacker suffering damage? I would have thought that the Poochyena would have suffered for biting that creature. By the way, reminds me a little of a Balrog, was that your inspiration?

Otherwise, you pretty much use the same formula here as in your other fic, which is the same compact manner of description, getting across your points without doig anything extra. This is a pretty good work, and if you improve, could be even better. Cheers.

Ice_Scyther
29th November 2005, 10:33 PM
This is awesome, SD! You're works are excellent!!! This is awesome, and my hawks' eye picked up no typos. *applaudes* Way to go!!! *gives cracker*

-I.S. ;212;

Shiny_deoxys
1st December 2005, 8:36 AM
Thank you everyone for your reviews. I am glad you all liked it. In response to mindrippers question, my inspiration for the evolved human was just imagination. I realized that the evil human would have to be either fire or ice, so I chose fire and described him like I thought a fiery human would look like. Anyway, you have all been waiting for this, here it is, chapter 2.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Chapter Two

Even though his heart and soul was frozen to the core, Regice felt a shiver run through his body. The statement had been quick and overbearing, but the more time rushed by the greater it impacted Regice. The large ice pokemon slunk to the floor as if an enormous weight had just been placed on his shoulders. Regice let out a sigh of despair. He never thought he would live to see the prophecy fulfilled.

Poochyena watched as the Master of the Island sank to the floor in depression. Tears came to its own eyes as he saw a creature so powerful and magnificent lay down in misery. Yet as he watched this scene, the pain in his leg began to stab even harder than before. Poochyena turned to his leg again and began to lick it caringly. Its sensitive tongue could feel small fragments of his bone that had broken through the skin and could taste a faint trace of blood. As he continued to care for it he did not see that Regice had begun to sit up.

Regice observed his companion hunched over treating an injury. Once again linking its mind to the small dog, it asked, what happened to your limb?

Poochyena, not wanting to focus anymore with his mind to send messages, simply barked three times between licks. (I was running away from one of the evolved humans and I tripped and broke it) he said nonchalantly. Even though the pain was terrible, Poochyena did not want to lose his honor in front of the Master by crying out and weeping because of pain.

Regice looked again at the wound and noticed that the break was not a clean cut, but rather it had shattered. He thought words into Poochyena’s mind. That leg of yours is very badly injured. I am afraid that it will have to be removed to prevent you more pain and suffering.

The small dog stopped mid-lick and looked up at the Master. The small dog whimpered slightly then barked hoarsely. (No. This injury can be easily treated. My trainer could take me to the…) The Poochyena then realized a terrible truth that he had not before. His days with his trainer were over now, and with that life went the miraculous healing power that the humans had. Slowly the pokemon eyed its leg again and knew that Regice was right.

Poochyena, after a long time in thought, looked up to his new Master and said (Let me do it. It will be less painful.) He lied of course, but Poochyena felt it was an honorable thing to do.

Regice directed his thoughts towards his small companion. I can freeze it so that it will be less painful for you to endure. The black canine looked up towards his Master with teary eyes, and then nodded in consent.

(My only request is that you do it fast, so that it I don’t have to feel the cold.) And with that Regice rose back to its feet. Slowly, all of Regice’s eyes began to dim slowly, as if he were focusing immensely on the carefulness of the procedure that he had to perform. Poochyena closed its eyes tightly as a blue mist began to form around his leg without touching it. The dog could only feel its arm throbbing in pain for an instant and then it all disappeared.

Poochyena’s eyes opened quickly and he beheld his leg, frozen underneath an inch of solid ice. The ice extended but to his shoulder with a small space reserved for his mouth to bite. The dog knew what he had to do at the moment. Slowly it raised its mouth to its arm and brought all of its teeth on its shoulder, right at the joint. It slightly applied pressure to get a good grip. The taste of singed fur filled his mouth, and almost caused him to vomit. Once again Poochyena closed his eyes, and with all of his might he bit down.

Pain immediately shot through Poochyena’s entire body. An uncontrollable twitch also came to his face as he tasted his own flesh and bone. He had expected for some reason to bite through his leg at once, but he had just left a bloody mark. Again he bit down and started to crunch the bone harder. Poochyena could feel his arteries and veins along with his muscle being torn in his teeth, and the taste of his own blood was in his mouth. The cracking sound of his bone almost forced him to loose his mind as he ground it back and forth in his teeth in an attempt to break it off sooner.

As Poochyena dug deeper into his own flesh he became accustomed to the pain. It was the only thing his mind could focus on, and for some strange reason was the only thing that kept him gnawing away at his leg. He felt the bone getting weaker and weaker with every grind, yet mentally he was dead from the pain.

Then with a loud and unsettling snap the bone broke free from Poochyena’s body, and hung at an odd angle by the skin and veins that had not been sliced. It was only a matter of moments before the dog clipped them off with his now dulled teeth. The dog would grow new ones, but he did not care. Blood was spattering against the floor of the icy cavern. The dog’s instincts took over and it began to lick the bloody stub which had been its leg just minutes before.

After about ten minutes the bleeding had lessened in intensity. The dog was still twitching because of the pain, and instead of licking its paw it had wrapped it up in its fluffy tail. Regice had beheld the entire incident, and saw that his companion was truly worthy of being his servant.

Well done my friend, the Regice whispered to his friend through his thoughts. Now rest and save your energy, we have big things to do on the morrow. Regice extended his hands towards the small dog and expelled a soft snow-like powder. It flew through the air as if forced by a faint breeze, and then it rested on the Poochyena. The dog’s eyelids soon sunk down over its eyes and it gave a big yawn. Slowly he rested his head on his other front paw and quickly fell asleep.

If Regice could physically express emotions there would be a small smile of satisfaction on his face. Sleep well, my friend. he thought as he turned away from the sleeping figure.

The time has come for me to alert my brethren. Regice thought to himself as he placed his large crystal arms on the wall that he now faced. Instantly it melted away, as if it were ice to the flame, revealing an entrance into another cavern that was much larger than the one he was in at the moment.

Regice glanced at the items that surrounded the edges of the cave. Although the chamber was where he spent most of his time, this cave was his domain. There were many books, all made out of ice that was perfectly clear. They sat on shelves that were also forged from ice so clear that only Regice could detect its presence. A normal being would see the cavern to be empty other than a large pedestal in the center that seemed to have been created from a combination of rock and steel.

The tall crystal-like pokemon first walked to a large shelf of ice-books and removed one. It was very small and light, almost like a snowflake. He carefully brought it to the pedestal that was in the center of the room. The top was perfectly smooth, and patterned with rock and steel so that it looked like an ice crystal. Ingenious, Regice thought as all nine eyes settled on the symbol. The harmony between the elements was perfect, and it brought peace to Regice’s soul.

Carefully, Regice laid the small book upon the top of the pedestal. It then began to twitch and bounce back and forth very slightly. A green light began to glow from the pedestal and it began to envelop the book. The book, now glowing with a dim green light began to rise into the air. Slowly the pages fell open, and then stopped on a page entitled “The Prophecy.” The light began to lessen again from the book and it settled down on the pedestal again, open at the page of the Prophecy.

Regice then placed his icy hands on the pedestal on either side of the book. Brothers! The time has come! The Prophesy which was predicted is now beginning to come true! The callings of Regice reached across the earth to different caves where its brothers resided.

The brother of Steel resided far away in a mountain range that was almost impossible for a human to reach. He was a large creature that was forged out of a metal that was harder than any known substance, even a Ponyta’s hoof. Though hard, it was very flexible, though the only pokemon strong enough to move it was he. His name was Registeel.

The brother of Rock also lived in a distant land, in the middle of a thick jungle that not many had entered. Though he seemed to be very distorted and uneven, he took particular pride in his appearance, saying that he was perfect in being imperfect. He could animate any rock on the planet and force it to obey his will. His name was Regirock.

The two brothers responded to their sibling’s call. Regice looked up into the air and saw circles appear in the air. They were the eyes of his brethren. There were seven that were red in a hexagonal shape with one eye in the center which was Registeel’s face, and there were seven brown eyes in the shape of an H, which was Regirock’s face. The thoughts came from Regirock first.
Can it possibly be true? he questioned Regice. There was an awkward silence as his thoughts faded. Regice looked upwards at his friend with a look of sadness that only his brothers could understand.
Yes, Regice said and he looked at the book that was resting on the pedestal in front of him. Then with slow and steady thoughts, he quoted it to his brothers, though they had heard it many times before.

The Prophecy Regarding the Future of Humanity, given through Celebi who has seen the future.


I have seen the world in the future where there will no longer be love between humans and pokemon. I have seen a time where people believe that pokemon have become obsolete to them. The humans will take upon themselves the elements so to eliminate pokemon from their lives.

Pokemon have been entrusted control over the elements from the beginning of time because of their kind spirits and their willingness to forgive. Yet as the humans evolve traits that will give them power they will keep with them their hatred and their will to dominate all. They shall turn against their former friends and shall attempt to destroy them from the face of the earth.

Yet the future is unclear past this point, but I can see shadows of what might happen. Either all pokemon will be purged from the face of the planet by the destruction of mankind or the pokemon will retaliate and eliminate humans from the world. I fear there can be no ground in between.

I wish that those in the future will choose the right decisions so that perhaps this prophesy might go on unfulfilled, yet my gut tells me there will be those who will suffer greatly because of this. I pray for those people in the future that they can be wise and do all that is good. Be strong and in time it will all work out, I hope.


Slowly the words sunk into the brothers. It was so deep and powerful that Regice began to shiver again. They all realized that it was now the time which Celebi had spoken of. Brothers, we must be strong Regice said to them, and they began to counsel with each other to determine on the action that must soon be taken.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Poochyena sat on his hind legs, extending his front paws in a playful begging position. His trainer smiled at him, then came over and patted him on the head. His trainer was about six feet tall, and was in his early twenties. Poochyena affectionately nuzzled his face in his trainer’s hand.

Yet something smelled different about his trainer. His hand felt hot and was a little sweaty. Poochyena thought he could smell something burning on his trainer’s hand, but the smell was so faint that he ignored it. Yet the stench of flesh on fire began to intensify and Poochyena began to be curious. However, his curiosity lasted but only a moment. He then playfully bit his trainer’s hand softly so that he would perhaps feed him.

What happened next was completely unexpected. Poochyena’s trainer used to play with him when he bit his hand, but today he looked down at the little dog with a look of intense anger. Poochyena quickly let go and cowered in front of its trainer, hiding its tail beneath its legs. His trainer’s eyes seemed to be on fire, and it scared him to the bone.

The trainer lifted up the arm which Poochyena had been playing with and held it high in the air. Poochyena looked up at it and began to whimper. As the arm shot towards him however, it erupted into flame. The small dog stared wide-eyed at the arm as it impacted with his body, scorching a small percentage of his hair and making the entire room smell awful.

Poochyena saw what a beast his trainer had become, something that he had never seen before. His skin had turned black and was covered in flame. The only feature Poochyena could still recognize were his eyes, except now they glowed with white fire. The small dog turned tail and bolted out of the building he had been in, pursued quickly by his former trainer. Fear clouded his senses as he ran faster and faster trying to keep himself alive.

Yet as he was running he felt a thought come to his head. He did not know where it came from, but he knew it wasn’t his original thought. Go to the Master of the Island. He will know what to do. With that in mind, most of the fear left him, and the thought carried him onwards.

Suddenly Poochyena woke up. He was panting hard. Because the air was cold, he could see his breath in the air. Slowly he looked down at his amputated limb. It had finally stopped bleeding, and instead of sharp pain there was a dull throb. Poochyena also felt stinging under the fur of his cheeks. He could not understand for a while what it was until he remembered his dream. Poochyena was crying for his trainer, and the tears were freezing to his face.

Poochyena felt alone.

katiekitten
1st December 2005, 1:57 PM
A very good next chapter, well done. :)

I enjoyed it greatly, it is a very good length, you added more description, and you are developing the plot well.

The only spelling error I noticed was Prophecy. It has a 'c' instead of an 's'. Apart from that, I look forward to the next chapter. :)

Hidden Mew
2nd December 2005, 12:48 AM
That was a great chapter. I feel so bad for that dear little Poochyena. Not only did it bite its own leg off, but that dream with his trainer made me feel bad for it. I would have taken the poor thing to the pokemon center, but this is me. Anyway, the whole prophesy sounds really interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Persian
2nd December 2005, 3:32 AM
Yeah, even though it's just a story, I feel bad for him too. Poochyenas are like, my second favorite pokemon. The poor thing bit off his own leg just to stop pain.

Zerodius
2nd December 2005, 5:35 AM
I despise the premise of this story... and so far, no matter how good the grammar may be, I cannot bring myself not to hate this story.

Anyway... I hate the beginning... but maybe this will turn out different from those common, awful "Humans Vs Pokemon" fics.

Well, at least, I'll give you the credit for
1: not making humans into total monsters (Jirachi's explanation for the beginning of the war is incorrect ; how could a human who used to be a loving trainer go and try to kill his Pokemon like that? Sounds more like the sound of a corruption, evil side-effect of the mutation. In short, I say that the transformation causes insanity. The humans' natural thirst for power cannot cause such a quick change of mind inside of people not consumed by it originally)

2: not making Pokemon into virtuous knights in shining armors (although the Poochyena seems to be the story's hero (or at least, main character) and although Regice was definitely not evil-sounding, the prologue seems to point out that sometimes through the story, the Pokemon may also be struck by the same insanity that plagues humanity).

Anyway... maybe I just got it wrong or something... but well, although I hate the premise, the story still turned out having potential after all. Maybe this story will have an interesting plot twist and end up interesting, unlike most of the other stories using the "Humans Vs Pokemon" premise?

Shiny_deoxys
3rd December 2005, 8:53 AM
katiekitten: Thanks for the spellcheck. I fixed it the second that I read your review.

HiddenMew and Persian: I am glad you could feel the emotions and pain that Poochyena went through. I was aiming for the reader to understand just a small bit of what a pokemon might have to go through.

Zerodius: Thank you for your review. Just so you know, I don't plan on making the pokemon the "heros" of this story. They are going to be flawed like the humans in their emotions. The point of view will switch from pokemon to humans and visa versa as the story progresses. I plan on originality, not for a simple "I'm a pokemon and that means I'm righteous" type of story.


how could a human who used to be a loving trainer go and try to kill his Pokemon like that?

I hope that you read the next chapter because it explains it in detail. Plus, the humans aren't permanently evolved, but they do change forms, much like a Jekyl/Hyde relationship. Anyway, I'm not asking you to like my story, but I hope you will continue to read and review so that I can understand more about what I need to fix. Thanks

Ice_Scyther
3rd December 2005, 5:05 PM
Time to bring out my notepad (of DOOM!!!!!)


prophesy

It's spelled 'prophecy'.


Sleep well my friend

It should be 'Sleep well, my friend.' You missed 2 punctuation marks.


The time has come for me to alert my brethren

Forgot a period.


in the middle of a thick jungle that not many had entered.

Hey! He moved. Dangit.

Ok, overall great story. Continue on and grow great!

-I.S. ;212;

Dilasc
5th December 2005, 11:07 PM
As you asked, I have read. Now, Youl'l have to excuse me if I'm not the best at judging good fics with errors, but I am here.

Anyway, let's see. This thing looks pretty good. Honestly, I still think it's a bit too early to make any finalizing judgements about the plot, but I think it looks as though it can get interesting. Other than that, I didn't notice any grammar errors that were not already mentioned before.

Felix Feral Fezirix
13th December 2005, 3:09 AM
Nice story. I'm neutral to the use of Poocheyena and the Regis n the fic, maybe because of my selective hate list and like list.

The plot is craptastic. I am beginning to like that Poochyena(might be just me, but I'm sadistic). And walking, talking, flaming humans that sorta have a Jekyll and Hyde relationship suits me. And when you ended Chapter 1 I nearly got a heart attack. Yes, heart attack of doom.

The description is great as usual. It flows seamlessly with the story and when under not very close scrutiny you don't even notice it. Of course under close scrutiny you notice the description, since you're looking out for it. lol.

The characters. Ahem. I like our honourable and noble Poochyena of course(sadism peaks), and the Regis don't really bother me, in fact they seem like the overlords, the commanders and generals. And as mentioned before, flaming humans with Jekyll/Hyde mood swings are great for me.

And if the next chapter takes real long(like mine) it is MY TURN to kill you.

Pika out.

;025; Out where?

*hits post button*

pisces_beedrill
13th December 2005, 11:03 AM
just commenting on chapter one.

amazing. great use of suspence, excellent description, i love it!

Shiny_deoxys
3rd January 2006, 10:04 PM
I am so sorry that this has taken forever. However, I have made a New Years Resolution to do a new chapter every week. I really hope you enjoy this and don't form a mob in anger to destroy me. Thanks for all your reviews and enjoy chapter three.
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Chapter Three

“The test subject appears to be in genetic hibernation,” a tall woman in a laboratory coat spoke as she glanced towards a large computer that had many numbers and charts on the screen. She stood perfectly straight and held her chin up high. She was extremely slender, insomuch that she did not look human. In fact, it seemed as if some outside force was holding her thin frame erect.

“I concur,” said another scientist, a short pudgy man with abnormally sized glasses hanging on the end of his nose. The man was old, evident by his many wrinkles and bald head. He was staring through a one way mirror into a room in which was filled with smoke. In the center of the room lay a man face down on a large metal table. This man appeared to be six feet tall, but was hunched over so it was impossible to tell. Steam was rising from his back and into the thick and smoky air. His attire was not the most beautiful either; he was adorned in charred cloth and melted plastic. The man was also panting, and anyone that was to look upon him could have seen that he was exhausted.

The entire room reflected his appearance. Charred walls, smoldering blankets, and ruined ashes were all over the room. The door seemed also to be a victim of the terrible fire, as it lay charred and twisted on the floor. Yet there was one odd thing about the scene. Even though everything in the room was destroyed, the man himself had not a single burn upon him. In fact he looked perfectly healthy other than his current exhaustion. After a while his breathing slowed and he drifted off to sleep.

Behind the mirror the two scientists stared at the scene. As they were gazing inward, a large metallic door slid open behind them with a swishing sound and the two scientists spun around quickly. The lights dimmed throughout the entire room, and the temperature felt as if it had dropped a few degrees. There were no footsteps, but the two scientists knew that someone was about to enter the room. It was The Messenger.

A thick fog of darkness seeped into the room behind the shrouded figure of The Messenger. The mist slowly flowed towards the two scientists and wrapped slowly around them. Because the fog was so dense, they could not clearly see the true details of The Messenger, but they also knew they didn’t want to see him, especially his face.

The hood of The Messenger moved ever so slightly, as if the face inside had just risen upwards to look at the scientists. Then, in a soft but piercing voice he asked out loud, “The Director is not pleased.” The tall woman cowered and the short man turned away. The Messenger spoke again in his same voice, “Give me a full report on the events of the experiment which took place last night so that he might have mercy on you.” The mist continued to wrap around the scientists, chilling them to the bone.

The tall woman was the first to speak, her frame drooping more as the mist wrapped around her. Through stuttered speech, it was evident that she was terrified, but she was more frightened of what would happen if she failed to report the exact truth.

“Th-the experiment was c-conducted p-perfectly,” she stated. “The s-serum was in-injected five weeks ago and our instruments d-detected that the test s-subjects cells had mutated p-perfectly. And, as p-predicted, as we applied stress on the individual, his b-body completed the c-combustion cycle which had also been predicted.”

She bowed her head and stepped backward, seemingly ashamed. The short pudgy man then stepped up, but it was easy to see he was terrified. He spoke clearly, but fear was in his voice as well.

“Then, something completely unexpected happened,” the man said, “Although we knew that the transformation creates high levels of aggression and hostility, we never could have predicted that the experiment would attack his own pokemon, a small Poochyena.” The man began sweating profusely. “The experiment pursued his pokemon into the woods behind the laboratory,” the man turned away, not in fear, but towards a large computer screen.

“Computer,” he said to the screen, “show satellite surveillance of the events which unfolded last night.” The computer beeped and the screen began to glow. The screen showed the entire world, but it was centered over the middle of the ocean. After a few seconds the computer began humming and the screen zoomed in. As the earth came closer a small island in the ocean appeared and began to grow larger. It was a long, thin island, with one large rocky mountain surrounded by a thick forest. The camera from the satellite continued to zoom in onto a small concrete building in the middle of a grassy field.

The building was seen only from the top, but because of the length of the shadow one could tell it was very tall. The camera stopped as the entire building filled up the screen. It had three smokestacks on the top that were spewing out a white fluffy smoke. There was a large chain-link fence that surrounded the entire building as well, with only one entrance in or out. At the top was an observation deck which sat above the entire complex.

Instantly the video footage began rolling. A small dog-like pokemon ran from out of the main entrance at an extremely fast pace. It shot into the woods like a bolt of lightning. Nearly two seconds after the Poochyena had disappeared into the woods, an enormous fireball exited the building in pursuit of the creature. Even though the satellite was miles above the earth, it focused in such great detail that every movement of the test subject was monitored.

The three watched as the fire creature caught up with his pet and prepared to destroy it. As a fireball was raised above the experiment’s head, the little dog bit the trainer on the leg and escaped. The dog then ran off and the experiment could no longer pursue. The flame around the experiment began to dim until it was completely extinguished. The man fell to the ground, exhausted. Even though he was fatigued, the computer showed the man was weeping.

The pudgy man, still shivering, turned the computer off. “As you can see,” he remarked, “we failed to keep the experiment under permanent combustion and control. We have no idea what went wrong. Our instruments have revealed that his cells are still mutated, and to turn him back we need only apply the same stress to his body as we did before, but whether the same thing will happen again we have no idea.”

The mist began to withdrawal from the two scientists and slipped behind the door, leaving The Messenger standing completely alone, devoid of the fog. His form was now easy to see, dark robes strung loosely over a tall body. However, the cloth did not touch the ground. Because the robes were so dark and thick, it was impossible to see his body.

“You fools,” The Messenger said, and he raised his head to gaze upon the two scientists, which made them both shudder as they looked upward. Just under his hood was a terrible mask where his face should have been. It was cruel looking, a mask depicting a terrible devil-looking creature that was completely black. Words came again from behind it, “The Director will not be pleased with this.” The two scientists began to shudder uncontrollably and then sunk to the floor.

The Messenger glided towards them, as if he didn’t touch the ground. “He has put up with your inadequacy until now, and has asked of me to give you punishment. However, I am more forgiving than The Director is, therefore I will give you one last chance. You remember the last punishment I gave to you, and as I recall you could not stand it.” The Messenger raised a gloved hand and touched his mask slightly. “You would not want to gaze upon this face again would you?”

“No!” the two scientists said in unison with terrified voices. They stared into the empty eye sockets of the devil mask, knowing well of what lie just under them.

The Messenger removed his gloved hand away from his mask. “Good,” he replied. “I will return in three days time. By then I trust you and your staff will have your experiment not only in complete combustion, but also under complete mental control. If you can not do these simple things, then I will have no choice but to reveal to you what you do not want to see. Until then, adieu.”

The Messenger turned and glided out the doorway, pulling the dark mist along with him. The two scientists, shaky but relieved, got to there feet slowly. The lights began to glow again and the room appeared exactly as it had before. The tall slender woman walked towards an intercom on the wall and said, “We need the entire staff to report to room 284 for more experimentation. And I also believe that Mister Thorpe is hungry, so bring a meal as well.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The charred room was soon full of people in white laboratory coats. They began sweeping the ashes and scrubbing the walls, trying to make it as clean as they could. The man on the table went completely ignored by most, but after a few minutes he was approached by the short pudgy man.

“Mister Thorpe,” he said while he aroused his sleeping frame. “Mister Thorpe! It’s time to wake up!” Slowly the sleeping man opened his eyes and rolled onto his back. He saw the scorch marks on the ceiling and the ashes on the floor. He sat up quickly and saw the door lying on the floor off its hinges. It was then that he began to remember the events that had unfolded last night.

Thorpe lay back down on the cold metal table that he had been laying on. Everything felt cold to him now, the air, the light, and even his emotions. He felt inner anguish for his soul, for he had betrayed his dearest and best friend.

Slowly his hands rose to his face, unable to stop the tears welling up beneath them. “Dear God,” he wept, “What have I become?”
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Tell me what you think guys. If you can forgive me for not posting forever. Sorry again and I'll post the next chapter in a week or less.

Nylf
3rd January 2006, 10:24 PM
Hmm, the hooded figure doesn't strike me as human. It doesn't even strike me as the evolved human. More something Zerodius and myself use a lot. One error caught my eye:


I am more forgiving that The Director

Should be " I am more forgiving than The Director,".

Still the plot is definetly intriging, and I wonder what other legendaries get involved. You can never just use one set of legendaries if they're shown this early. It's just one of those things, if you reveal a legendary early it means a better one is waiting later on. But as i said, this is a good story, and it's certainly original. Well done and keep it up.

katiekitten
3rd January 2006, 11:25 PM
Well done! This is very good. I have really enjoyed this next chapter, it had me hooked right the way through. There is one small error that I did notice...


and the sunk to the floor.

I think it should be "and sunk to the floor" or "and then sunk to the floor". Other than that, good! :)

Willow's Tara
4th January 2006, 4:23 AM
Interesting story, can't see much wrong with it so keep going, (I usually don't notice much when I am sucked into the story)

pisces_beedrill
4th January 2006, 10:59 AM
Thank you everyone for your reviews. I am glad you all liked it. In response to mindrippers question, my inspiration for the evolved human was just imagination. I realized that the evil human would have to be either fire or ice, so I chose fire and described him like I thought a fiery human would look like. Anyway, you have all been waiting for this, here it is, chapter 2.
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Chapter Two

Even though his heart and soul was frozen to the core, Regice felt a shiver run through his body. The statement had been quick and overbearing, but the more time rushed by the greater it impacted Regice. The large ice pokemon slunk to the floor as if an enormous weight had just been placed on his shoulders. Regice let out a sigh of despair. He never thought he would live to see the prophecy fulfilled.

Poochyena watched as the Master of the Island sank to the floor in depression. Tears came to its own eyes as he saw a creature so powerful and magnificent lay down in misery. Yet as he watched this scene, the pain in his leg began to stab even harder than before. Poochyena turned to his leg again and began to lick it caringly. Its sensitive tongue could feel small fragments of his bone that had broken through the skin and could taste a faint trace of blood. As he continued to care for it he did not see that Regice had begun to sit up.

Regice observed his companion hunched over treating an injury. Once again linking its mind to the small dog, it asked, what happened to your limb?

Poochyena, not wanting to focus anymore with his mind to send messages, simply barked three times between licks. (I was running away from one of the evolved humans and I tripped and broke it) he said nonchalantly. Even though the pain was terrible, Poochyena did not want to lose his honor in front of the Master by crying out and weeping because of pain.

Regice looked again at the wound and noticed that the break was not a clean cut, but rather it had shattered. He thought words into Poochyena’s mind. That leg of yours is very badly injured. I am afraid that it will have to be removed to prevent you more pain and suffering.

The small dog stopped mid-lick and looked up at the Master. The small dog whimpered slightly then barked hoarsely. (No. This injury can be easily treated. My trainer could take me to the…) The Poochyena then realized a terrible truth that he had not before. His days with his trainer were over now, and with that life went the miraculous healing power that the humans had. Slowly the pokemon eyed its leg again and knew that Regice was right.

Poochyena, after a long time in thought, looked up to his new Master and said (Let me do it. It will be less painful.) He lied of course, but Poochyena felt it was an honorable thing to do.

Regice directed his thoughts towards his small companion. I can freeze it so that it will be less painful for you to endure. The black canine looked up towards his Master with teary eyes, and then nodded in consent.

(My only request is that you do it fast, so that it I don’t have to feel the cold.) And with that Regice rose back to its feet. Slowly, all of Regice’s eyes began to dim slowly, as if he were focusing immensely on the carefulness of the procedure that he had to perform. Poochyena closed its eyes tightly as a blue mist began to form around his leg without touching it. The dog could only feel its arm throbbing in pain for an instant and then it all disappeared.

Poochyena’s eyes opened quickly and he beheld his leg, frozen underneath an inch of solid ice. The ice extended but to his shoulder with a small space reserved for his mouth to bite. The dog knew what he had to do at the moment. Slowly it raised its mouth to its arm and brought all of its teeth on its shoulder, right at the joint. It slightly applied pressure to get a good grip. The taste of singed fur filled his mouth, and almost caused him to vomit. Once again Poochyena closed his eyes, and with all of his might he bit down.

Pain immediately shot through Poochyena’s entire body. An uncontrollable twitch also came to his face as he tasted his own flesh and bone. He had expected for some reason to bite through his leg at once, but he had just left a bloody mark. Again he bit down and started to crunch the bone harder. Poochyena could feel his arteries and veins along with his muscle being torn in his teeth, and the taste of his own blood was in his mouth. The cracking sound of his bone almost forced him to loose his mind as he ground it back and forth in his teeth in an attempt to break it off sooner.

As Poochyena dug deeper into his own flesh he became accustomed to the pain. It was the only thing his mind could focus on, and for some strange reason was the only thing that kept him gnawing away at his leg. He felt the bone getting weaker and weaker with every grind, yet mentally he was dead from the pain.

Then with a loud and unsettling snap the bone broke free from Poochyena’s body, and hung at an odd angle by the skin and veins that had not been sliced. It was only a matter of moments before the dog clipped them off with his now dulled teeth. The dog would grow new ones, but he did not care. Blood was spattering against the floor of the icy cavern. The dog’s instincts took over and it began to lick the bloody stub which had been its leg just minutes before.

After about ten minutes the bleeding had lessened in intensity. The dog was still twitching because of the pain, and instead of licking its paw it had wrapped it up in its fluffy tail. Regice had beheld the entire incident, and saw that his companion was truly worthy of being his servant.

Well done my friend, the Regice whispered to his friend through his thoughts. Now rest and save your energy, we have big things to do on the morrow. Regice extended his hands towards the small dog and expelled a soft snow-like powder. It flew through the air as if forced by a faint breeze, and then it rested on the Poochyena. The dog’s eyelids soon sunk down over its eyes and it gave a big yawn. Slowly he rested his head on his other front paw and quickly fell asleep.

If Regice could physically express emotions there would be a small smile of satisfaction on his face. Sleep well, my friend. he thought as he turned away from the sleeping figure.

The time has come for me to alert my brethren. Regice thought to himself as he placed his large crystal arms on the wall that he now faced. Instantly it melted away, as if it were ice to the flame, revealing an entrance into another cavern that was much larger than the one he was in at the moment.

Regice glanced at the items that surrounded the edges of the cave. Although the chamber was where he spent most of his time, this cave was his domain. There were many books, all made out of ice that was perfectly clear. They sat on shelves that were also forged from ice so clear that only Regice could detect its presence. A normal being would see the cavern to be empty other than a large pedestal in the center that seemed to have been created from a combination of rock and steel.

The tall crystal-like pokemon first walked to a large shelf of ice-books and removed one. It was very small and light, almost like a snowflake. He carefully brought it to the pedestal that was in the center of the room. The top was perfectly smooth, and patterned with rock and steel so that it looked like an ice crystal. Ingenious, Regice thought as all nine eyes settled on the symbol. The harmony between the elements was perfect, and it brought peace to Regice’s soul.

Carefully, Regice laid the small book upon the top of the pedestal. It then began to twitch and bounce back and forth very slightly. A green light began to glow from the pedestal and it began to envelop the book. The book, now glowing with a dim green light began to rise into the air. Slowly the pages fell open, and then stopped on a page entitled “The Prophecy.” The light began to lessen again from the book and it settled down on the pedestal again, open at the page of the Prophecy.

Regice then placed his icy hands on the pedestal on either side of the book. Brothers! The time has come! The Prophesy which was predicted is now beginning to come true! The callings of Regice reached across the earth to different caves where its brothers resided.

The brother of Steel resided far away in a mountain range that was almost impossible for a human to reach. He was a large creature that was forged out of a metal that was harder than any known substance, even a Ponyta’s hoof. Though hard, it was very flexible, though the only pokemon strong enough to move it was he. His name was Registeel.

The brother of Rock also lived in a distant land, in the middle of a thick jungle that not many had entered. Though he seemed to be very distorted and uneven, he took particular pride in his appearance, saying that he was perfect in being imperfect. He could animate any rock on the planet and force it to obey his will. His name was Regirock.

The two brothers responded to their sibling’s call. Regice looked up into the air and saw circles appear in the air. They were the eyes of his brethren. There were seven that were red in a hexagonal shape with one eye in the center which was Registeel’s face, and there were seven brown eyes in the shape of an H, which was Regirock’s face. The thoughts came from Regirock first.
Can it possibly be true? he questioned Regice. There was an awkward silence as his thoughts faded. Regice looked upwards at his friend with a look of sadness that only his brothers could understand.
Yes, Regice said and he looked at the book that was resting on the pedestal in front of him. Then with slow and steady thoughts, he quoted it to his brothers, though they had heard it many times before.

The Prophecy Regarding the Future of Humanity, given through Celebi who has seen the future.


I have seen the world in the future where there will no longer be love between humans and pokemon. I have seen a time where people believe that pokemon have become obsolete to them. The humans will take upon themselves the elements so to eliminate pokemon from their lives.

Pokemon have been entrusted control over the elements from the beginning of time because of their kind spirits and their willingness to forgive. Yet as the humans evolve traits that will give them power they will keep with them their hatred and their will to dominate all. They shall turn against their former friends and shall attempt to destroy them from the face of the earth.

Yet the future is unclear past this point, but I can see shadows of what might happen. Either all pokemon will be purged from the face of the planet by the destruction of mankind or the pokemon will retaliate and eliminate humans from the world. I fear there can be no ground in between.

I wish that those in the future will choose the right decisions so that perhaps this prophesy might go on unfulfilled, yet my gut tells me there will be those who will suffer greatly because of this. I pray for those people in the future that they can be wise and do all that is good. Be strong and in time it will all work out, I hope.


Slowly the words sunk into the brothers. It was so deep and powerful that Regice began to shiver again. They all realized that it was now the time which Celebi had spoken of. Brothers, we must be strong Regice said to them, and they began to counsel with each other to determine on the action that must soon be taken.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Poochyena sat on his hind legs, extending his front paws in a playful begging position. His trainer smiled at him, then came over and patted him on the head. His trainer was about six feet tall, and was in his early twenties. Poochyena affectionately nuzzled his face in his trainer’s hand.

Yet something smelled different about his trainer. His had felt hot and was a little sweaty. Poochyena thought he could smell something burning on his trainer’s hand, but the smell was so faint that he ignored it. Yet the stench of flesh on fire began to intensify and Poochyena began to be curious. However, his curiosity lasted but only a moment. He then playfully bit his trainer’s hand softly so that he would perhaps feed him.

What happened next was completely unexpected. Poochyena’s trainer used to play with him when he bit his hand, but today he looked down at the little dog with a look of intense anger. Poochyena quickly let go and cowered in front of its trainer, hiding its tail beneath its legs. His trainer’s eyes seemed to be on fire, and it scared him to the bone.

The trainer lifted up the arm which Poochyena had been playing with and held it high in the air. Poochyena looked up at it and began to whimper. As the arm shot towards him however, it erupted into flame. The small dog stared wide-eyed at the arm as it impacted with his body, scorching a small percentage of his hair and making the entire room smell awful.

Poochyena saw what a beast his trainer had become, something that he had never seen before. His skin had turned black and was covered in flame. The only feature Poochyena could still recognize were his eyes, except now they glowed with white fire. The small dog turned tail and bolted out of the building he had been in, pursued quickly by his former trainer. Fear clouded his senses as he ran faster and faster trying to keep himself alive.

Yet as he was running he felt a thought come to his head. He did not know where it came from, but he knew it wasn’t his original thought. Go to the Master of the Island. He will know what to do. With that in mind, most of the fear left him, and the thought carried him onwards.

Suddenly Poochyena woke up. He was panting hard. Because the air was cold, he could see his breath in the air. Slowly he looked down at his amputated limb. It had finally stopped bleeding, and instead of sharp pain there was a dull throb. Poochyena also felt stinging under the fur of his cheeks. He could not understand for a while what it was until he remembered his dream. Poochyena was crying for his trainer, and the tears were freezing to his face.

Poochyena felt alone.
just read ^^

it is so good, you are truley talented, i love the story!!!

Hidden Mew
5th January 2006, 1:14 AM
Another great chapter. The plot is growing so deeply. I also wonder what part the legendaries have to play with all of these scientists. Their experiments sound scary and it almost sounds like what people would do to create shadow pokemon. It is okay that you haven't posted in awhile. Chapters take time to form as great as this one. I didn't see any really big mistakes. Thanks for sending me a message about this chapter and I look foreword to the next one.

Legend
5th January 2006, 8:01 AM
I've never seen a Pokemon vs Human fic before. *blushes as everyone looks at me weirdly* so I can appreciate this story as more than an apparently overused plot.

Although there are some grammar and punctuation errors, I don't recall any, primarily because I wasn't paying attention to grammar and punctuation, but to the story. I think it is quite strong, and I like how both humans and Pokemon aren't quite sure where everything is going, as opposed to stories where one side prepares a massive attack, and teh other side remains completely oblivious.

The prophecy is also a nice touch, none of that whole, "And there will be a hero and he'll draw a sword out of a stone, and he'll become king of the world, and he'll destroy evil" but a warning of one possibility, one in which the outcome is uncertain, and there is no clear evil.

Please continue. I shall be reading with great interest.

Felix Feral Fezirix
5th January 2006, 8:15 AM
Oh yeah. 1337. Now we learn more about the humans. I look forward to the next chappie.

Shiny_deoxys
6th January 2006, 8:03 AM
Just because there seem to be some unclear things out there, and some things that need conformation, I'll see what I can do to help.

Nylf: I think you have been reading my stuff too much because you are getting very good at seeing what comes up. Yes there will be more legendaries, though I will not put them all in, just a choice few. As a spoiler, one of the legendaries will be on the human's side, but that is all I am saying.

pisces: Um, you didn't need to quote the entire chapter in your review, but whatever floats your boat.

Hidden Mew: As I will explain in later chapters, the process of human evolution is truly a terrifying thing to behold. Especially with some types rather than others. I can't wait to explain it to you guys, but I hope you will enjoy knowing how.

Legend: I'm glad you like the story. I like how you realize that in this fic there is a chance that it will end up either way. At the moment, even I don't know how this will end for certain, but I have my ideas. For the prophecy, I wrote what I wanted to happen, but I didn't want to make any guarantees.

And for everybody, I want to know your predictions and your hopes. Nothing will change my writing, but I want to understand how the characters affect you. I'm trying to make this the best it can be, but I need your help for it. By the way, chapter four is almost done. I'm introducing a new character, and I think you'll like her. See ya.

qwerqwer
6th January 2006, 8:23 PM
Reviewing as requested.

It's really good, better than expected. From what I see, the pokemon believe that the human are evolving the get rid of them but really, it's just a experiment gone bad? The topic is okay and the writing is fantastic. Really, the way you describe and combing phrases is phenomenal

Air Dragon
6th January 2006, 10:18 PM
Well you asked, I answer.
Plot: Wow.
Just plain wow. Original, yet so sweet. I am so glad I'm reading this. It's so good, I actually missed the errors everybody brought up...
Only misgiving is that my Pokemon POV-in-development will have a slightly stereotypical beginning, but this is too good to get wooried about that for! Keep it up!

Grammar: so good it's through the roof! I saw no errors at all! Just a teensy one in chapter two:


His had felt hot and was a little sweaty

His hand.

That's it. too cool.

Cast:
Poochyena- *Waaaaaaaaah!* It's so sad to see a creature that trusts it's trainer get hurt this much! the psychological orture is so much worse than the fire could have ever been, though.
The Regis- Seriously mysterious. I wonder why the Regis keep changing location, and are they going to fight for the safety of all pokemon, or their own? OOOH, the suspense kills me!
Mr Thorpe: Why? Why? Why? Too many questins, so mch to look forward to...

The Messenger:

If you can not do these simple things, then I will have no choice but to reveal to you what you do not want to see. Until then, adieu.”

Whoa. Cold and classy. Hate to get on that dude's bad side.

Keep me posted, alright? I'm so anticipant!

Shiny_deoxys
7th January 2006, 12:10 AM
Well, here is chapter four. Please tell me what you think, any errors I made, or predictions that you have. I had a great time writing this chapter and I think you will enjoy it.
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Chapter Four

Poochyena stood awkwardly, still becoming accustomed to having three legs instead of four. It seemed impossible to balance, especially on the frozen floor of Regice’s cavern. Yet ever since the pain in his leg became less intense, he had been asked by Regice to begin walking. So despite the cold and the dull throb in the stump where his leg had been, Poochyena continued to practice walking.

Life had changed so much for him these last couple of days. The things which he had taken for granted in his past life were now long gone. The walks with his trainer in the park back in their home town, the tender pokechow which he was served every morning, and the constant love and affection that was always present. Everything was gone. He had not left the cave for three days now. The only food he had eaten was raw fish brought to him from Regice’s other subjects, and his stomach was still adjusting to partaking of real flesh. And although Regice watched and protected him, there was no love between them. Poochyena felt that because Regice was such a noble and great pokemon, there was no possible way that he could love one such as lowly as he.

As Poochyena continued to limp around the cave, his Master watched him with patience. Regice was exhausted, for he had been conversing with his brethren for the last three days straight. He was disappointed as well, for he still did not know what to do. Regirock and Registeel had both decided that more would have to be learned of the evolving humans before any involvement could be made.

Today, however, their first move would be made. Regice opened his mind once again and connected with his trusted friend. Your practicing is bearing fruit, he spoke to him. And because of your now refined walking abilities I must as one favor of you.

Poochyena stopped walking, sliding a little on the ice, and then turned to Regice. He turned his head upward and howled. (I shall do whatever my Master asks of me!) The small dog then slipped and fell on his face. Embarrassed, Poochyena got to his feet and put his tail between his legs.

My young friend, there is no need to be ashamed Regice thought to him. Many times does the newborn stumble before the art of walking is perfected. Poochyena looked up at Regice and nodded, still with his tail between his legs. Regice continued. On the other side of the island there is an ancient burial ground where the pokemon of this island take their dead. This is a rather sacred location which is governed by a servant of mine, a Gengar that goes by the name of Hagroth. I require his presence immediately, and I ask that you call on him for me.

Poochyena nodded his head, and then barked and whined ever so slightly. (I will go Regice, but I do not know the way). His claws were now gripping the ice very tightly, so there would be no chance of him slipping again.

Regice replied. As you leave this cavern you will see a tree off to the right. In that tree will be a Pidgey. Tell her that I sent you and she will be happy to show you the way. Poochyena bowed, and then began to stumble out of the cave.

Slowly the small dog stumbled out of the chamber and into the long tunnel, his mind focusing on his mission. However, as he remembered how long the journey to the surface was, his mind began to wander onto other subjects. Poochyena realized how much he had changed in the last few days. Before his master had turned on him he was a playful, happy puppy without a care in the world. But now, now that he lived in a world of Ice, things were different.

Poochyena’s mind had become focused and hard as flint. He never laughed nor cried, but was completely serious in everything he did. There was no time for fun anymore, because that only got in the way of more important things. It was time to grow up, time to take the responsibility that had been given to him. The world was changing, and it needed its leaders to be strong when they relied on them. Poochyena knew that if the world called upon them, he would not let them down.

Before he realized it, Poochyena had reached the tunnel’s exit. Stepping carefully over an outcropping of rocks, he looked up on the sun, a sight which he had not seen these last few days. He sniffed the air, the clean air that was not cold, but was warm and filled him with energy. The small dog shook in the sunlight as well as he could, balancing on his front leg awkwardly.

As he absorbed the sunlight, Poochyena noticed the tree that Regice had mentioned to him. He trotted over as best he could and looked up into the tree. As his Master had said, there was a bird up in the tree.

This bird was preening its feathers. It was a tawny color, and a little chubby. I wonder how such a creature could fly, thought Poochyena as he gazed upwards. The bird didn’t even acknowledge his existence. Poochyena hunched back on his hind legs and barked five times at the top of his voice. (Are you the Pidgey that knows the way to the islands burial ground?)

At the sound of the loud bark the bird nearly fell out of the tree. After fluttering to right itself, the Pidgey looked down at Poochyena and started screeching in an annoying voice. (What in heavens name you think you do small doggie dog?)

Poochyena was taken aback. Not only was this fowl grammatically dim, it was also very rude. The small dog kept his eyes on the bird and narrowed his eyes. He growled deeply towards the bird. (I was sent here by Regice, Master of the island, and I demand that you take me to the sacred burial grounds.)

The Pidgey sat up straight at the sound of its Master’s name. After a moment of thought, the bird began to tweet. (I is most sorry, yes I am. What mister big kingy kingy says little Starlinc do, yes she does.) And with that the little Pidgey jumped off the branch she was sitting on and fluttered to the ground. She then waddled over to Poochyena and looked him over, and then chirped. (What your name is silly doggy dog?)

Poochyena looked sadly at Starlinc. He had not been called by his real name in days. It was time for it to be spoken again. The dog barked once. (My name is Simon.) As Poochyena spoke his name he realized that even though legally that was his name, he no longer felt as Simon felt.

Starlinc, obviously oblivious to Simon’s emotions, began to hop up and down and chirping excitedly. (Simon is a fantacular name yes it is. We is going to be bestity best friends. Come on, we go now to buried grounds, yes. Master commands and little Starlinc do. Follow me little Simon!) Starlinc, forgetting that dogs do not have wings, immediately jumped into the air and flapped excitedly.

Simon, who was still getting used to walking, tried to keep up, but to no avail. He sat on his haunches in anger. However, it wasn’t long before Starlinc was back and tweeting like mad. (Why come you not follow Starlinc? Starlinc go slow for you to come catch up yes.)

The Poochyena looked up at the bird as she was fluttering around like mad and started to growl. (You fool! I have no wings. How do you expect me to fly?)

Starlinc alighted upon a branch on a nearby tree and began to tweet. (Oh silly Starlinc, yes I am. Too bad for you, can not fly with us birdies. Come follow again, yes, I will go slow.) Starlinc then started hopping tree to tree, fluttering as needed. Simon let out a sigh, and then started trotting after her. It was very awkward trying to run, but it was a lot easier on the soil rather than on the solid ice.

As they went along Starlinc started singing in an off tune, annoying voice. (La LAAA! We go to the buried grounds we do. La la la! And through the happy forest too. Fa la la. LA LA!)

The song was so irritating that after five minutes Simon barked angrily. (Stupid animal! Why do you have to sing that song? It is driving me crazy!)

Starlinc stopped singing for a second to let out several squawks. (I is happy, yes I am. I do like to sing my songs for every people in the forest. You no happy, why not you is?) After she stopped squawking Starlinc began singing again, not expecting an answer to her question. However, the question struck Simon to the core. Why wasn’t he happy like he used to? Why was he becoming aggressive to those who were pleased with life? Simon lowered his head in shame and continued to trot on, following Starlinc’s song rather than actually watching her.

Suddenly, Starlinc stopped her song. Simon looked up and saw her sitting on a branch looking forward. He couldn’t see anything through the foliage, so he barked silently up to Starlinc. (What is it?)

Starlinc jumped down from the branch and fluttered down to the ground. She started chirping quietly to him. (We have come to the scary place. We is going to be really quiet now.)

Poochyena barked quietly again. (Is this the sacred burial ground?)

Starlinc let out a quiet squawk. (No, this is the scary human place where mean scary things come. We be quiet so much that scary things don’t see us.) Starlinc stayed on the ground with Poochyena and waddled next to him.

They had gone about one hundred feet when Simon stopped abruptly. His nose picked up on something that he had only smelled three days ago. It was then that Simon realized where he was. He put his nose to the ground and sniffed. Ash! This was the place where he had been chased by his former trainer. Simon looked up at the trees and sure enough, there were scorch marks across the branches. It was a miracle that the fire didn’t spread, and the forest seemed to be healing very quickly.

As the two pokemon stepped into the trail were the ash lay, Simon looked down towards the complex. The day was getting darker, which was all the better for him because his eyes were accustom to the night. He could see the entrance to the compound about half a mile away. Feeling a shiver go through his spine, Simon urged Starlinc on. The sooner they got to the burial grounds, the better.

After another hundred yards, Starlinc flew up into a nearby tree and looked around, scouting the area. She then gave a loud tweet and continued to fly in the same direction as before. (No one can I see, so we is going again.)

The rest of the journey passed without event, Starlinc continued to sing her off tune song, making up words as she went, and Simon just trotted after her, getting more used to the lack of his front leg. It was nearly nightfall as they reached the burial grounds. It was like nothing that Simon had expected.

Simon thought that it would be a field littered with bones, but to his great astonishment it was just a field of grass. A perfect circle of grass to be precise. The trees formed around it but they didn’t intrude upon the field. There was a slight breeze blowing over the grass, making it move like waves on the ocean.

Starlinc started to tweet quietly. (They is coming soon. Yes they are. Watch the sun, yes, the sun is bringing them!) Simon didn’t even want to try to understand what Starlinc was saying, but nevertheless he turned his attention to the sun, which was just setting below the horizon. Slowly it sunk lower and lower, until finally it disappeared.

The second the sun was gone, a thick mist began to flow from the trees into the field. The fog touched Simon and Starlinc and sent shivers through their bodies. Starlinc jumped into the air and flew into a nearby tree. Simon could see her trembling and watched her put her head underneath her wing, evidently trying to hide from the scene before her.

The mist oozed into the field and began to swirl. Simon could see it clearly, for night gave him power. As the fog swirled, voices began emanating from within. It was a deep chant that sounded like the wind itself. Even though it was very faint, Simon understood every word perfectly.



The Night has come, the darkness reigns,
Releases us from daylight pains.
For unto us the power is given
To continue past the time of living.
Life is gone, and now we play
With bones among the rocks and clay.
We are neither good nor bad,
Mostly tricky and a little sad.
We can never do our best,
For then we would be forced to rest.
So now we must continue on,
And watch the bones of those who are gone.
Love and Life are things so frail,
But Death and Darkness never pale.

Slowly a moan came from the fog and it dissipated, revealing spirits of those who had passed on. Simon saw every ghost he had ever known, and even a few that he didn’t. There were Gastlys, Haunters, Duskulls, and Shuppets. There were also small ghosts that had red pearl necklaces and flowing hair. They also sang with deep shrilly voices. Simon had never seen them before, and wondered what they were.

Suddenly all of the ghosts turned towards the center of the field and bowed down. The rest of the fog had gathered there and was beginning to swirl violently. Simon squinted, trying to see through the mist. However, he didn’t have to wait long. Soon it erupted and there, standing where the fog had been swirling just moments before, stood a terrifying ghost pokemon. It stood with arms stretched out above the other ghosts as if absorbing an unseen power from them all. It was a dark purple color, with a horrifying grin. Its eyes glowed brightly, taking in the chanting and power that was all around it.

It was Hagroth, the leader of the Dead.

Hidden Mew
7th January 2006, 1:19 AM
That was really good and interesting. I'm glad that the little Poochyena has a name. I feel bad for Simon because he has gone through such emotional pain and he has lost his happiness. Starlinc sounds really funny. She reminds me more of a parrot for some reason. She also seems to represent how Simon was before he lost his home and his trainer. The burial ground also felt more like a spiritual place than a graveyard, which is great. I didn't see any mistakes, but I rarely do. I also wonder how the humans will evolve for this. I can't wait to see how this whole story turns out.

Legend
7th January 2006, 2:27 AM
I like your newest chapter a lot. The song/poem/chant that Simon heard was interesting, although it doesn't always rhyme.
I also like how you've incorporated names into the story. That'll be really handy in the future, when you might have several Pokemon of a certain type.
Still no grammar issues that I noticed, but I'm not really the kind of person to see that sort of thing.
Awaiting your next chapter.

Shiny_deoxys
7th January 2006, 7:24 AM
Hey everybody! After long consideration, I have decided that I am going to start a PM list, which I will keep personally. If anyone wants to be on the list, either write it in their review or send it to me in a PM. And while I'm here...

Hidden Mew: I'm glad you like their personalities. Each one is a mix of myself and some other characters in other books I've read. Simon is a little like Ender, in Ender's Game, and Starlinc is a little from Smegol from Lord of the Rings. And just a little spoiler for you, the pokemon will have to make alliances with some humans, and the humans will have links through pokemon relating to their evolutions.

Legend: I'm glad you noticed the not rhyming thing. It was a little joke that I put in. Remember that the chant said that they aren't good or bad because then they would pass on into their respective worlds. Well I thought the same could go for poetry in their case. It wasn't perfect, but it wasn't crappy either. It was eerie and mischiveous.

Well, thats it for now. Thanks for your reviews.

Air Dragon
7th January 2006, 1:37 PM
LOL, Starlinc is really pleasant. Simple, i admit but lovable all the same.


(Simon is a fantacular name yes it is. We is going to be bestity best friends. Come on, we go now to buried grounds, yes. Master commands and little Starlinc do. Follow me little Simon!)

That bit really got me! Fantacular...bestity...XD

I also loved the second poem. it was perfect for the Ghost pokemons' entry. Did you come up with it yourself? Cos it really really good!

Now to typos:


he barked silently up to Starlinc. (What is it?)

Uh, theoretically and practically speaking, dogs can't bark silently. At all. Barking is a sound, and if a dog barks, it isn't silent.

That's it. Only one typo. Awesome!

Keep it up! I would love to recieve PMs on later chapters so keep me posted!

pisces_beedrill
7th January 2006, 1:50 PM
your story is really good. i just read chapter 3. i will read chapter 4 later. other than a few gramatical errors, the story is really progressing well! you will be proffesional someday...

-Freedom'sWarrior-
7th January 2006, 2:34 PM
Good story, Shiny Deoxys! It's really coming along well!
- Heather^_~

Nylf
7th January 2006, 5:00 PM
Nice, very nice. The burial ground was exactly what I thought it should be, and the effect of the ghosts and their poem sounded about right. Starlinc strikes me as a very Nylf like character. She doesn't match him in terms of barmyness, but she definetly helps lighten the mood.(I don't even know if that made sense). Overall nothing less than what I would expect, well done. Keep it up.

Klaus
7th January 2006, 10:24 PM
OMG! I've read all the chapters. YAY! And I'm glad I did cause they mad my heart sing. LOl.

Yes, you have done a great job and each chapter is better than the next. AND I LOVE POOCHYENA! LOL. PM when you have the next one up.

As always, be kind to the mime. ;122;

Demy
8th January 2006, 7:58 AM
Shiny Deoxys

I hwve read all your fics so far and they are all so intents and meanful that i can't stop reading them. The first fic of your i read was "The Life of a Hero, Pokemon Master" i got into troblem for stay out to late reading it.

i give you credit Shiny Dexoys to the way you write.

Demy

Typhlogirl
9th January 2006, 11:50 AM
Well, I've read as requested!

Wow.

I have to say I'm very impressed. Your plot is very unique (thank god), and I am enjoying it immensely.

What I find slightly unbelievable is how the Poochyena could shatter his leg just by tripping...but some things are best left to the imagination. I suppose it could happen...bleh.

I am quite liking your portrayal of Regice as mysterious and regal. It's nice and refreshingly original!!! (Sorry, but I am completely obsessed with originality. LOLspecial XDD)

Absolute KUDOS for the Pidgey's speech. I loved that. Fantastic. Beautiful. Yay. Feel proud. XD

I saw no grammar errors, so well done in that aspect. *waves happy flag* The idea of having the gene mutation and stuff was very good.

Sorry, I'm really tired at the mo'. Forgive my lack of passable vocabulary. >_<

All in all, a very enjoyable fic that deserves more attention. I wish you well!! ^_^

-;157;

P.S. Thanks for reading teh PokeTalk Spesh. Glad you liked! ^_^

Manulya
10th January 2006, 1:34 AM
One word: great. Original and I like the use of the Regis, theyre one of the lesser used legendaries. Human evolution seems kinda cool. I dont like how they turn evil after they evolve but the story needs a villain afterall. Congrats this has great potential and that means alot to me because every other fic ive reviewed ive trashed.

Felix Feral Fezirix
10th January 2006, 8:49 AM
I am in suspense! *chews fingernails* Ahhhhhhh!

I like the Pidgey. Weird and explosive! Yay!

*Is currently hyper*

Shiny_deoxys
13th January 2006, 6:14 AM
Okay, I got it up. Thanks everyone for reviewing. I hope you like this chapter because it explains human evolution. Also, remember that I have a PM list if you want to be on it. Without further ado, I give you chapter 5.
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Chapter 5

“Mr. Thorpe, you can’t do this to us!” yelled the tall, slender woman. Thorpe had removed all of his burnt clothing and replaced them with new ones, a white lab coat and some blue jeans. He was furious, his red face steaming with anger, which showed very brightly against the white lab coat.

As he grabbed a leather jacket and hastily put it on, he said to the lady, “Sorry Jessica, but I fear that you did something unforgivable to me.” He walked over to a table on the far side of a large room, where a small ball with a red top and a white bottom sat on a little stand, slightly tilted. He grabbed the ball and slid it into his jacket pocket. Thorpe turned to the woman again. He had calmed down slightly, yet it was evident that his anger was raging just beneath the surface. “I am going to find my little Simon and bring him back. That’s all that matters to me right now.”

Thorpe zipped up his leather jacket and began to walk outside when all of a sudden the lights began to dim. Jessica, the slender woman, screamed in terror and turned to run, but she realized that she had nowhere to go. Thorpe did not know what was happening, but a sudden fear leaped into him, fear that felt like a river of ice, flowing through his veins.

Suddenly, the knob on the door at the front of the room started shaking violently, as if some creature was trying to open it with a closed fist. A faint but dark mist began seeping in through the spaces in the door. Finally, with a dull thud, the door burst open. A thick smoke began billowing in and reaching into the corners. It was hard to see in the dimmed light, but Thorpe thought he saw someone move into the room.

As soon as the figure entered, a strange voice that was soft yet fierce began to speak, directed to the woman. “Are you having any trouble with the experiment, Ms. Cooper?” She stood up, shaking so bad that Thorpe wondered how she was standing erect.

Her speech to the creature was inaudible through the shuddering, and sounded like her lungs were in a vice, but the shadowy figure seemed to understand her. “You lie!” it said with intensity. “He was about to escape. You have no control over him yet, and he might warn the enemy of our intentions. What was he leaving for anyway?”

Again the scientist mumbled, and began to sob hysterically. She fell to the floor in tears. The creature began walking over to her, the mist that enveloped it following. Slowly it swarmed around her and gripped her. “His Poochyena?” the ghostly figure replied. “You want me to believe that he really cares about his pokemon?” The woman began to nod through her sobs.

Thorpe sensed the creature looked at him quickly and then back to the woman. He slowly walked over to her side and knelt down beside her on the floor, face to face. Thorpe then heard in a faint voice, barely audible, from the creature. “Is the experiment under complete control?” it said, almost compassionately.

The scientist looked up into the creature’s eyes, and for a split second Thorpe saw a thought of realization cross her face. Suddenly she started bawling and screaming “NO! NO! DON’T DO IT I BEG OF YOU!” The scientist tried to cover her face, but the mist held her tightly. Thorpe saw the creature raise a robe-covered arm toward its face, and slowly it began to move.

“AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” the woman screamed at the top of her lungs, sending shivers down Thorpe’s spine. It was as if the Gates of Hell had opened up, and a prisoner from within let out a gut-retching howl. The scream was inhuman and felt like the very embodiment of fear. After ten seconds of a straight scream, the scientist fainted backwards, her head slamming against the floor. The mist had released her, and once again shrouded the creature once again. Its arm seemed to readjust something under its mask, and then it stood up and faced Thorpe.

“You!” the creature said, with its voice soft yet piercing voice. “The Director wishes to meet with you personally. You will follow me or meet the same fate which Jessica Cooper experienced, no exceptions. Are we clear?” The fog began to move toward Thorpe like a poisonous mist. Thorpe quickly nodded, completely at a loss for words. The figure nodded, and then began to glide out the door.

Thorpe quickly came to his senses and followed the creature, out of the room and into a long hallway. The lights on the ceiling were dim, so adding to the chilling mood of the circumstance. As they were about halfway down the hall, the cloaked figure stopped at an elevator. “Push the button!” the creature said sharply. Thorpe quickly obeyed, pressing the upwards button with his index finger. A chime announced that the elevator was already at the station, and the doors separated, revealing an empty room. The creature entered first, followed by Thorpe.

Thorpe was too scared to think straight. If this creature was not the leader of this operation, how much more terrible would this Director be? He was thinking this when he heard a small piece of metal chink on the floor. Thorpe looked down and saw a small metal elevator key used to get to levels that were hidden from the normal path of the elevator.

“Take the key and turn it,” said the creature. Slowly, Thorpe bended down and picked up the key, which was very cold, and put it in the appropriate slot on the side of the door. The elevator responded immediately, and began to ascend at a rapid pace.

Even though the journey of the elevator took no more that five seconds, it was completely agonizing to Thorpe. His soul felt like it would evaporate with every second that he spent in the presence of that foul creature. It was almost as if this were Death, scraping and slashing his soul with fierce claws of ice. Thorpe held his breath, doing anything that would keep him from inhaling that atrocious fog. The chime of a bell announced the elevator’s arrival, and also brought a welcoming breath to Thorpe as the creature exited the room.

Thorpe wanted to sink into the corner and die slowly, but he remembered the look on the face of Jessica Cooper and realized that whatever she saw must be a fate worse than death. He left the elevator and followed the creature, careful not to touch the black mist that followed behind it.

The hallway was very tall, and lined with portraits. Old men stood looking out with cold, dark faces. Thorpe had never been in this hall before. It seemed alien, as if a well furnished place should not be in a scientific laboratory. At the end of the hallway were two large mahogany doors. In them were carved writings in a language he had never seen before. The creature stopped, and turned to Thorpe.

“You will go inside by yourself. You will not speak unless spoken to and you will answer every question perfectly honestly, or The Director will not hesitate to take your life away. And remember,” he said, letting his voice trail off, “The Director is not as forgiving as I am.” The creature soon became enveloped in fog, and with a swirling motion all the fog disappeared, and the figure was gone.

Thorpe gulped. The creature was gone, but a haunting feeling remained. He turned and faced the doors. They towered over him, seemingly threatening him. Thorpe breathed a deep breath, and then reached out his hand, and pushed the door aside.

He entered into a large room. It was dark, but not as dark as the hallway. The only light was from a series of windows at the very back of the room. A long conference table lined with chairs was in the center. To the right were five large metal containers about ten feet tall sitting on the floor. Each one had various screens and dials attached to it. They looked eerie in the room’s darkness. One of the cylinders looked unique, for there were hundreds of odd looking hoses connected to it. There was a lot more electronic equipment adorning this cylinder, but Thorpe had no idea why.

“Mister Thorpe I presume?” a deep voice said from the front of the room. It was not a harsh voice, but rather it sounded sad, yet kind. Thorpe turned to the front of the room to see the owner of the voice, and he saw, silhouetted by the windows, a gigantic man.

The large man was facing away from Thorpe, looking out the window. He had long hair that touched his broad shoulders, so broad Thorpe wondered if this man could fit through a doorway comfortably. There was something about his back, however, that Thorpe thought was abnormal. He couldn’t put a finger on it, but that feeling persisted.

Thorpe then remembered that he had been asked a question, and he quickly answered in the affirmative. The large man turned around, still silhouetted by the light behind him, but his majesty was even more evident. “You may sit then, Mister Thorpe.” Thorpe quickly obeyed and sat in the nearest chair at the table.

The majestic man cleared his throat, and began speaking in his deep and powerful voice. “Do you know how a virus works, Mister Thorpe?” The Director began walking down the opposite side of the table, towards Thorpe.

“Well,” Thorpe explained. “I know that there are two kinds of viruses. One kind, the lytic virus, uses its D.N.A. to change a cell into a virus making machine, and that it dies after its labor is complete. But the other is much more subtle, the lysogenic virus. It feeds its D.N.A. into the genome of the cell it infects. The cell then carries that D.N.A. for its entire life, and as it divides, the D.N.A. of the virus divides with it, soon creating millions and millions of infected yet dormant cells.” Thorpe suddenly felt relaxed, because The Director didn’t seem that bad of person.

The Director nodded. “Splendid explanation, Mister Thorpe,” he said with power. “And did you know that these lysogenic viruses are completely undetectable?” Thorpe nodded. “Yes, I thought you would,” returned The Director.

The Director turned, and was completely visible to Thorpe. His hair was golden, and he had a large handlebar mustache. His arms were as thick as oak trees, and were tucked neatly behind his back. His eyes sparkled with a majestic blue color that made Thorpe think of the sea. The man was truly a sight to behold.

The Director bowed his head and began to pace. “About two years ago,” he began, “I discovered something truly amazing. I had studied all aspects of virology my entire life. I had a wonderful idea which involved experimenting with viruses, trying to incorporate the genetics of one creature into another.” Thorpe started to become uneasy. Something about this story felt very familiar. He felt his hands begin to grow warm and sweaty. Oh no! he though. Not again!

“However,” the director continued, blatantly unaware of Thorpe’s condition. “There were many problems with doing this. First of all, I could rarely get a virus to accept a different D.N.A. pattern without dying. And even when I did, I never had enough to infect an entire body. You see, the entire body must be infected or else when the cell begins to mutate, the immune system will attack it, causing the body to die.

“Then, as I came to this island around two years ago, I found a remarkable discovery. I found a creature that could control how a virus worked with such precision that it could make the necessary adjustments so I could complete my dream.”

Thorpe looked up, sweat pouring down his face. “The ghost man that brought me to you!” he blurted out. He realized what he said too late. The accusation would surely bring the wrath of The Director on him.

However, The Director only laughed. “Who, Michael? No, Michael is only my Messenger. He is only one of my many experiments. No, the creature I speak of is more powerful even than I.” Slowly The Director walked up to the large container with the odd metal hoses sticking out of it. He pushed some buttons on a side panel and the entire machine started beeping like mad. A large whooshing sound came from it, and the casing of metal began to slide upward. Underneath was a clear tube of glass, viewing into a chamber filled with green liquid. Yet, as eerie as this was, it was not as horrifying as the creature within.

This creature was not like anything Thorpe had ever seen. It hung suspended in the fluid, connected to the hundreds of hoses and wires. Its colors were distorted through the green liquid, so as it looked black, yet its shape was clear. Four long arms fell loosely, two on each side of its body. They twisted around each other, like strands of D.N.A. Its legs were cylinder shaped, and dragged against the bottom of the container. Its face was scary as well; a large oval divided by a mere line. Two holes were in its head, with pale eyes looking out. The creature stared towards Thorpe from his prison, as if begging to be freed. Yet its eyes showed that it was dead. Not physically dead, but emotionally destroyed.

“This is the creature that I found, the master of viruses. We do not know what it is or where it came from, but because of its ability to master all genetics, I have named it Deoxys.” The Director took in a breath of pride, and then continued. “With it I have been able to incorporate the D.N.A. of a pokemon that controls its identity into the D.N.A. of a human being. Of course, Deoxys wasn’t so eager to help me in my endeavor at first, but after a little ‘persuasion’ I was able to convince him to…”

The Director was cut off by a scream. He turned to see Thorpe jump to his feet. Thorpe was looking at his arm in fear. The Director focused on it as well. Suddenly, as if by some magical force, flame erupted from it. The fire rapidly spread over Thorpe’s entire body as a thick anger spread through his soul. Thorpe screamed once more before his head was engulfed. After his body had been taken over, he quit struggling and looked at The Director. With an inhuman roar, Thorpe charged at him.

The Director didn’t even blink. As Thorpe came closer he removed his hands from behind his back and reached toward Thorpe. Thorpe saw as he ran that The Director didn’t have hands at all, but rather large, scaly claws. Yet, Thorpe was running too fast to stop. With one move The Director grabbed Thorpe by the arm and using the force of Thorpe’s running, slammed him against the door.

Thorpe swung his other hand around and launched a fireball from his wrist, straight into the Director’s face. The Director turned and caught the blast on the side of the face. As the flame cleared The Director turned back, and showed that his face was hardly singed. “Nice try Mister Thorpe,” he joked, and he swung Thorpe over his body and onto the ground.

Pain coursed through Thorpe’s body. He doubled up under the pain. The Director released his grip and began to walk away. “Yes, I too have used Deoxys to make me strong.” He turned again to Thorpe, who was trying to stand up. “I gave myself the essence of the Dragons, and your puny fires can but barely harm me in the slightest.”

Thorpe stood up and faced The Director again. The Director opened his mouth as if to yell, but instead blew a large cloud of dust from his mouth. It engulfed Thorpe and he felt stinging all over. His body locked up in pain, and he stood motionless. The Director then ran at Thorpe and slammed him in the face with one of his clawed hands, knocking Thorpe to the ground. As he hit, the flame on him died, and Thorpe took a deep breath.

The Director reached down and grabbed Thorpe by the hair. Blood was flowing down his nose, obviously broken. The Director looked him in the eyes. “They said that about three days ago you lost someone very dear to you.” Thorpe lowered his eyes. Even in the pain that he was in, he could not forgive himself for the loss he had suffered. The clothes on his body hung off him like rags, yet he was not ashamed of his nakedness as much as of his sin.

“A small Poochyena, is that right?” The Director asked. Thorpe turned away, and didn’t answer. “Don’t worry,” the Director coaxed. “I will bring him back to you.” He dropped Thorpe on the ground and pushed some buttons on two different cylinders. They opened at the same time, revealing their prisoners.

They were both human, or had been once in their lives. One of them was hunched over and slim. It was female from what Thorpe could tell, with dark long hair and a feminine shape. She had two long, sharp fangs jutting out from her upper jaw, each which was dripping a green liquid. She had a tight leotard over her frame, and her skin was slightly green. She opened her black eyes and smiled. The slim creature pointed her fingernails at Thorpe, which were needle sharp and covered with green ooze.

The other figure was tall and thick. Its skin was hardly skin at all, but rather a metal coating. The face of this creature was masculine. He had glowing red eyes that pierced Thorpe’s soul as he gazed at him. With two audible clunks, the steel beast exited its container quickly, the metal not slowing him at all.

The poison and metal creatures turned to The Director and bowed. The Director pointed towards Thorpe. “This young man has lost his Poochyena. I would like you to bring him back. Dead or alive!” The poison creature jumped with glee and clapped her hands. The steel creature nodded affirmative. They both ran out of the room an inhuman speed, leaving The Director and Thorpe alone.

“You murderer,” Thorpe croaked as he lay on the floor. The Director walked up to him and kicked him in the ribs.

“No,” he said. “I am merely the future.”
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Thanks for reading.

Demy
13th January 2006, 6:59 AM
i will read ch 5 and tell u what i think Shiny Dexoys.

Demy

Felix Feral Fezirix
13th January 2006, 7:14 AM
Wow. I am amazed. This sounds like something from my fic. Why am I telling you this? Oh forget it.

Yay...Now let's get ready for some action. One Beedrill and Aggron versus a Poocheyena and a Pidgey.

Air Dragon
13th January 2006, 2:10 PM
As usual, an astonshingly well-pictured chapter! Your description was just plain awesome. i loved how well you made everything appear in my mind's eye as i read this! Misty Michael (i can call 'im that, right? all the mist doesn't exactly help me picture him with a better nickname...XD) seems to be a very cold customer too. a willing test subject? evolved into a being with icy powers like Regice? Or something darker? Oh, i can't wait to find out!
Nice intros of the new characters! Both seem sinister (in their own playful/ seriously scary way)-_-; It's getting hot! Pretty smart, letting the Director have the traits of Dragon pokemon...i guess it means only an ice pokemon like regice can easily handle him, though i'm guessing the Director has a couple of slick moves up his sleeves...

Highlights:

It was almost as if this were Death, scraping and slashing his soul with fierce claws of ice.

uh, i thought Death used a scythe...XD


“Well,” Thorpe explained. “I know that there are two kinds of viruses. One kind, the lytic virus, uses its D.N.A. to change a cell into a virus making machine, and that it dies after its labor is complete. But the other is much more subtle, the lysogenic virus. It feeds its D.N.A. into the genome of the cell it infects. The cell then carries that D.N.A. for its entire life, and as it divides, the D.N.A. of the virus divides with it, soon creating millions and millions of infected yet dormant cells.” Thorpe suddenly felt relaxed, because The Director didn’t seem that bad of person.

whew! Someone's been doing their homework! XD Very nice!

Errors: minimal.
Very few typos too!only one part bugged me very slightly:


a small metal elevator key, used to get to levels that were hidden from the normal path of the elevator.

i just wonder if there should be a comma there at all... just check it out OK?
Awesome. awesome chapter! but now my review's done, i'll leave you quietly to come up with the next chappie. See ya!

P.S.:

Yay...Now let's get ready for some action. One Beedrill and Aggron versus a Poocheyena and a Pidgey.

Really? -_^ Right. Poochy's toast, type wise...-_-

Shiny_deoxys
13th January 2006, 8:17 PM
Hey guys, thanks for your reviews. I'm glad you liked it, I was afraid I might have overdone it as I sometimes do.

Demy: Okay, sounds great. I can't wait to see how liked it. Everyone else, Demy has problems with his/her eyesight and therefore has to paste chapters in word and enlarge them to read. Just so you don't think his message was spam.

Pikachuism: It might sound like your fic, probably because I am expanding into the violent side of my nature for this. Bwa ha ha. But don't worry, nothing I can write compares to Felix. He is by far my favorite fan fiction character.

Shiny Mightyena: I was going to reveal directly what the type of The Messenger was, but I decided to let the reader figure it out. So here is a spoiler. The Messenger is a Ghost type. I explained him being like ice, but not physically ice. More like the cold and darkness of fear. I will explain in more detail later, but the process for making a ghost type is different than the others. More gorey and violent.

Oh, and I'm glad you are looking forward to the upcoming battle. Just remember there might be one more character that will help the Starlinc and Simon, one the recently met. Okay, I'm done spoiling the whole darn fic for you guys. I should just retreat into my cold dark corner and keep writing.

Thanks to everyone that has read so far. It makes me happy.

S.D.

katiekitten
13th January 2006, 9:37 PM
Very good! A few typos and mistakes, but that is always there. I'll list them below. :)


He was too about to escape

You don't need the extra too before the about. :)


In them were carved writings in a language had never seen...

Missing a he. :)

I really like the personality of the pidgey. Intrested I am. (Yoga popping out there, no clue why. XD)

The plot is developing nicely, it is exciting and has me very interested. *pulls up bean bag and sits*

Keep up the good work! :)

Hidden Mew
14th January 2006, 1:18 AM
Another great chapter. The details were perfect and I really felt that they were in some kind of lab environment. I finally see how the humans are evolving. They're messing with their DNA, I think. Anyway, I'm looking foreword to the battle and please put me on your PM list. Thank you.

Shiny_deoxys
14th January 2006, 3:20 AM
Katiekitten: Ahhh!!! *Runs off and fixes all the typos at the speed of light*. Whew, that was a close one. I'm glad you like Starlinc, it seems most people that read this do. The fic was getting a little too serious so I thought it needed some comic relief.

Hidden Mew: Yeah, basically. What they do is they use Deoxys to create viruses that are able to change the genetic pattern in a human so that they mutate. It was a little think I learned in biology when we studied viruses. Very interesting little critters, don't ya think? I feel a lot of pressure now that everybody is expecting this battle to be amazing. I don't know if I can pull it off.

By the way, Hidden Mew, I only have a few chapters more and I'll be caught up in your fic. Thanks for reviewing you guys, and have a happy Friday the Thirteenth!!!

S.D.

Demy
14th January 2006, 8:20 AM
Shiny Dexoys um hate to brake it to you but i am a girl.

But everyone gets it wrong sometimes ^_^

Demy

Nylf
14th January 2006, 6:20 PM
Let's see, quite good. The Director is definetly what most would count as an uber psycho. OK by most I mean myself. We've got a Steel and Poison vs Dark, Normal and Flying. They're screwed. And when the Director started talking about a Pokemon that can manipulate viruses, kinda guessed Deoxys. AND MAKING HIMSELF DRAGON? Biggest bit of common sense I've ever read. Dragon's are rare for many reasons, the key ones being:

1/ They resist most Special Elements, particularly the base ones(Fire, Water, Grass and Elecetric).
2/ Only two weaknesses, Ice and their own element
3/ They can learn attacks to overcome Ice(Brick Break and Flamethrower)

The Director strikes me as someone who knows what he's doing. Breaking Deoxys, kepping 'Michael' under control and becoming a Dragon. Psytic and brilliant at the same time. He's evil, but the kind of villain you have to respect. Well done, keep it up.

Demy
15th January 2006, 12:53 PM
What i didn't get that there was the guy that could change into a dragon, every though i have read up to ch 4 ? i mgiht have to read it all though again.

Legend
16th January 2006, 7:01 AM
This fic is really looking good. Once again my inner editor (who has torn apart works like Harry Potter and Pern) was distracted by the captivating tale, so I didn't notice any grammar issues. The Director is very scary, and the use of Deoxys is very interesting.
About 4.8/5.

Keep it up!

pisces_beedrill
18th January 2006, 11:50 AM
okay, now to chapter 4.

excellent plot. getting better and better. it is full of suspence which makes it better. i love it. great work

Demy
19th January 2006, 10:03 AM
YEPPPPPPPPPPPPP i read Ch 5 this is are good are your laost ones !!!!!

i counldn't find any gammer or spelling mistakes.
Plot great.

Overall 5/5 great ^_^ S.D.

Demy

mindripper
19th January 2006, 1:15 PM
Hey there! I completely forgot about this one. Have been looking through too mnay fics lately, I guess. I will basically focus on the latest chapter, and keep myself updated with your fic from now on. Maybe you could contact me everytime you have a chapter, so i do not forget.


his face less red, but his anger was still there

I disliked this part. I did not think it flowed well at all, partly also because the latter portion is repetitive of the former.


Finally, with a dull thud, the door began to creak open, ever so slowly

Wait, the door cannot creak and thud at the same time, right?


I had been a study of virology my entire life

Er this is phrased wrongly. Perhaps you could change and edit it.


I gave myself the essence of the Dragons, and your puny fires can but barely harm me in the slightest.”

This troubled me a little. I cannot remember the dragon essence making an appearance prior to this. If so, it seems as though your character has gained an ability without any buildup, and your explanation of it makes it seem even more random, like it just happened that the Director had consumed said essence and was nigh immune to Thorpe's fire.

Hmmm, the plot is not totally original, but it had refreshing elements which vindicate its usage. Also, I give credit for you using the Regis instead of Lugia, Mew, Mewtwo, Ho-oh, Rayquaza and the other commonly used legendaries. Deoxys is also used frequently, but Deoxys is cool in my book. All in all, it was a pretty good read, and you did a good job. Keep it up!

Angelic Elf Ivy
20th January 2006, 1:48 AM
I finally reads and replies! Sorry it took so long.
Anyway, it's really good and it left me wondering what'll happen next. So you're welcome to PM me telling me about other chapters.
Now, the only thing you seem to have trouble with is saying something over again. Like here:

“You!” the creature said, with its voice soft yet piercing voice. You didn't have to say voice twice. In fact with voice there two times it sounds awkward.
You also have this thing with time. Do they really know the exact amount of time that something took to do? Like with the ten second long scream. Did they really know that she screamed that long? *shrugs* It just seems weird to me.
Anyway, other than those I saw nothing that I thought wrong or strange. Keep it up, and keep me posted! ^_^

*~*Ivy*~*
EDIT: *notices page* :D Yay! First post on the fourth page! *does first post on fourth page dance cuz four is one of her lucky numbers*

Sike Saner
20th January 2006, 2:12 AM
Well, I read all of this in a single sitting, and I think I could have done so even if there had been some fifteen chapters written already, for this is just that good. All the situations are described with spot-on language; I can picture all the scenes very well, and I can follow every action wihout having to pause to figure out what's actually happening.

The characters are immedaitely fascinating, especially Michael (because Ghostliness = BOSSNESS ^^), and Starlinc, who just delighted the heck out of me. ^^ The presence of Regice is a great bonus; I love the thing, and you are portraying it wonderfully.

The concept of humans with elemental powers is severely cool; I find myself curious to see how the infusion of other elements, such as Ice, Dark, and Flying, might transform people. Even if not all of the elements are used, though, what we've seen already is just incredibly boss.

There were some scenes that were just jaw-dropping, the foremost among these definitely being the scene in which Simon has to amputate his own leg. That was just frelling incredible, especially because you managed to have the gore present without making it gratuitous or cheesy. Very nice.

On top of everything else, this is just purely good storytelling. Excellent work here, and please do put me on that PM list; I definitely want to keep following this story. ^^

qwerqwer
21st January 2006, 4:59 PM
wow, a huge twist to the story. deoxys now in. The directer has problems. mental problems. Sorry for not reviewing. Many things are in store for the poochyena. i bet he's saying, "why me?!!?"

Typhlogirl
22nd January 2006, 12:47 PM
First-*gets on knees and begs for forgiveness for her lateness*

Second-

WOW. Just...wow. That was utterly fantastic! I absolutely must say that that chapter was the best I have read for a while! *crappy applause*

Yay. I am totally loving this DNA thing...with how this 'Director' is changing humans into the types...and he's got Deoxys. I never really liked that thing, but now I don't mind it that much! ^_^ Poor thing. ;_; *gives cookies to Deoxys*

Ahem. Quotes.


Thorpe held his breath, doing anything that would keep him from inhaling that atrocious fog.

For some reason, I really liked that quote. And speaking of the Ghost man, he was like, the pwnage. Seriously. He's my favourite character now. Plus I like the name Michael. ^_^

I would quote the entire DNA segment, because that was fantastic. I am pretty knowledgable on teh subject of Biology, and I must say I was impressed! Well done!

Argh, I feel sorry for Simon. He has the Poison chick and the Steel dude (They are now their names XD) after him. Oh dear. And all he has is that infuriating Pidgey with him X_x. OWNED.

Anyway, to wrap up, I must say that I am incredibly impressed with your fic so far. It's original and interesting! Good work! You've got my interest!

-;157;

P.S. Oh yeah, add me to teh PM list plz.

~*Ratiosu*~
23rd January 2006, 4:33 PM
Very, very good. *claps hands* Just read all chapters and I can't wait for the next. Can I be on the PM list? I don't wanna miss out on a second of this wonderful story. Amazing description, emotional tear-jerking moments, gee this is better than half the fics at Serebii! *hands cookie*

Ace Kenshader
25th January 2006, 3:28 AM
i have finally read all five of you're chapters.

And WOW.... that story really dragged me into it, and that means you're story is awesome. Can't wait for CH.6

And I would like to ask you if you can add me to you're PM list.



Poochyena stood awkwardly, still becoming accustomed to having three legs instead of two.

Wait....... Are you saying that Poochyena actually lost 2 legs, and then somehow Regice surgically give him another leg?

Lady Myuu
25th January 2006, 7:44 AM
Well... HERE I AM :D

I was kinda loathing the thought of reading a chaptered fic, cuz I get so distracted... but this one kept my intrest, it was very well written and the ideas orinigal in there own way.

I was kinda looking down at the thought of humans being evil, but thorpe is a nice little good guy stuck with something bad. Like hulk :D zomg green hulk. I like the characters so far though I don't see much personality as I like to see (though the pidgey was ADORABLE. Can I keep her? ;;)

I saw a typo which is amazing as my eyes never see them but I did woot. Well maybe it wasn't one...

When thorpe bent down to get the key to the elevator you had bended.

is bended down correct? wouldn't it be better if thorpe bent down? I dun know maybe I read it wrong.

otherwise I really like it so far, a bit more character devolpment though is needed on say thorpe as he seems to be pretty easy to understand and not as deep as he should be by this chapter.

Simon is changing so its hard to really tell how he is going ot turn out in the end, I wonder if you are going to have him evolve or go out through this story as a Poochyna? either way it doesn't matter to me.

I am going to love the ganger, I just know it!

please PM me when you update.

Carry on.

Myuu.

Demy
3rd February 2006, 9:44 AM
i have finally read all five of you're chapters.

And WOW.... that story really dragged me into it, and that means you're story is awesome. Can't wait for CH.6

And I would like to ask you if you can add me to you're PM list.




Wait....... Are you saying that Poochyena actually lost 2 legs, and then somehow Regice surgically give him another leg?


Dark Amethyst Poochyena only lost one leg, Regice hepled him to amputated it of. he still has three legs.

Ace Kenshader
3rd February 2006, 3:33 PM
^^^ I was being sarcastic Demy, I was just pointing out an error to Shiny Deoxys in my way.

Guitar dude bill
3rd February 2006, 9:53 PM
"L13K 0MG H3R3 1S M1 R313W"
Just a quick n00b thing, but anyways, 'ere is my review, sorry for takin' so long.

Negative

Thorpe bended down
It's Thorpe bent down


, causing the body to die.
You need a speech mark here.

Positive
Very good description, I could totally imagine the director. The emotion, incredible. Interesting plot. Incredibly cliffhanging. Imaginative. Excellent poem, I don't know why, but I know it's good.

Demy
8th February 2006, 10:46 AM
right got ya Dark Amethyst ^_^

indigestible_wad
23rd February 2006, 3:38 AM
I'd like to say first that I'm sorry for such a late review. IRL life is hectic these days. I'd also like to say thanks for the compliment on my name.

So far, so good. Except for a few places where the description was a tad confusing due to small factors, and a misuse of pronouns here and there, as well as an occational run-on. You seem to use “which” a lot, which in itself is not a bad thing, but you use it in a way that almost seems to disrup the flow to me. I don't know if it happens to anyone else, but it would seem better if you added other words angside which in order to make it sound more ancient and wise.

You should also change your quotation punctuation a little. Whenever a character talks, no matter if you make it in italics or not, you always put a punctuation mark to show that the speaking is over. Except when the pokemon talk, which in that case I would suggest you find some different way than parenthesis.

The description in most places is very beautiful. It practically takes you to the scene. I particularly liked the scene where Thorp walks with The Messenger. You could see and feel everything that was going on. The characters seem complex and well developed. They also clash very well together. I must compliment you on this.

Yes, all in all this was a good read, although I’m not sure if even the clearest ice would be completely invisible.

Sägwä Säräm
12th March 2006, 3:56 PM
I loved this fanfic. It's awesome!
The thing is, a bunch of people think Starlinc and Simon are going to get pawned by the poison and steel... people. But, Starlinc and Simon are at the burial spot, with all these ghost pokemon (probably) on their side. I think Simon and his friends are going to come out of this alive. Or dead, seeing the ghost pokemon are going to be dead even if they win.

Demy
4th April 2006, 2:36 PM
S.D. dude when is your next chapter coming up on the thread ?

deadlyrose
24th July 2006, 11:22 AM
i just read chap one and it is lovely, all the nystery all the horror, i love that. this is a brilliant story! you are very talented

katiekitten
24th July 2006, 2:07 PM
XD Guys, read SD's signature. He is going to be gone for a while. Which means the next chaper will take a long time to come. XD

Demy
24th July 2006, 2:08 PM
Hay DS when is ch 6 beening posted ?

indigestible_wad
25th July 2006, 12:30 AM
Hay DS when is ch 6 beening posted ?
Read above post.

Imperial_Furret
25th July 2006, 6:23 AM
Pure coolness.

Hmm... (Light bulb appears above head)

An idea for teh battle sequence of Evil Poision lady that reminds me or Lorlei(sp?) and ebil Steel Person that reminds me of Bruno:

Bruno: Muntant Poocehana and Deranged Pidgey! Prepare to die!

Lorlei: Yeah!

(Simon pulls of disguise, and turns out to be Ho-oh)

(Uses Sacred Fire on Bruno)

(Pidgey pulls off disguise, and turns out to be Mewfive 1/2)

(World asplodes)

I really liked the part where that one thing breathed. Yeah.

Anyway, Simon pulling off his leg is... weird, I guess is the word. I mean... I'd be dead, melted or something, even if I had hugged Registeel. Yeah.

Air Dragon
26th July 2006, 10:50 AM
ok, that does it...i've missed this too much, please add me to the pm list!
When i find the new chapters i'll read and review, later!

Demy
27th July 2006, 11:58 AM
Read above post.

ok thank you for the information.

Demy