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~*Blaze Cinder*~
29th November 2005, 9:17 AM
Here is my Fan-Fic!! This is my first one so bare with me on the typos and crap >.>. Dont worry is clean, except for the fight everything is a Pg-13 level.

Well here it is:

The Realms of Elements (A Fire Emblem Fan-Fic)

Prologue:
In a small Kingdom called Twilight, where the sun and moon divide the Kingdom, a Young Queen gave birth to triplets 2 Boys one Girl. The First Boy Erebus loved to the Darkness, he would always play in the moonlit part of the. The Second Boy William love the Elemental Magic, he never stop reading books and books on the topic. And then Selene, she love the Divine Magic, unlike like her brother Erebus she would always play within the sunlit boundaries. When Erebus and William became the age of 9 they became a Pupil. Selene on the other hand learned the art of Staves and a little divine magic as well. Their story starts here

~*Blaze Cinder*~
29th November 2005, 9:19 AM
Chapter I: The Magical Tests
Queen Rhea: Children you late for Magic Teachings! The Summoner, Archsage, and ArchBishop want you at the Castle gate immediately.

Erebus: Yes we finally are aloud to test are magic!!
William: After all my reading on Anima Magic the magic is mine to command
Selene: Your Lucky! I’m not allowed to use Divine Magic until I recover a Guiding Ring, for I am only a Cleric.

William and Erebus would always tease there sister for only being allowed to use staves. But there safety and health will rely on the staves later in life.

Rhea: Thank God! Your Carriage is here! Go, Go!

The Triplets went climbed into the carriage and rode off to the castle gates. As they arrive there teachers greeted them the kindness and hospitality.

Archsage Merlin: A Young Prince William are your ready to test you abilities of the Art of Anima?
William: Yes sir! I really ready

Summoner Tartarus: Same goes for you Young Erebus.
Erebus: Let me control the darkness

ArchBishop Nyx: My Lady are you ready to be shined by divine magic and the art of staves?
Selene: Yes Ma’am.

Merlin: We will started in three separate rooms. The First Test for each student is to use there Magic excellently. The Second Test will be how resourceful they can use there magic. The Third Test will see how they can spar with In-human creatures. And the Final Test to See how they can spare against each other. Do you three still want to take the Tests?

Erebus, William, & Selene: Yes Sir

Merlin: Let us begin!

The Triplets were separate for the first time in there lives. They walk into the different rooms ready to take the sole called “Magical Tests”. But the test are the first step into their Journey what awaits them Later in Life.

Yami Ryu
29th November 2005, 10:11 AM
Wow. In the wrong forum, and bad script.

Don't you feel special for breaking the rules?

Description: What description, I see nothing in the way of description. Oh, what, a few measily lines at the end of the way, way too short chapter one? And the pale attempt of a prolouge?

Characters: Yawn ... shallow and about as interesting as a plain piece of paper. Doesn't help they aren't described, that their personalities leave a lot to want. So basically you have made yourself a bunch of nude barbie and ken dolls. You must be so proud right about now.

I could probably go into more detail, and make you cry, claim I'm a flamer, yada yada, but I think I'll just report your halfassed-script.

Have a nice day.

Dragonfree
29th November 2005, 11:35 AM
Firstly, it's too short. Please read the rules about length requirements.

Secondly, this format is not allowed. You're writing so that it looks like the characters are talking to each other on MSN or AIM. That does not work at all unless they are really sitting by a computer using a chat program, which is hardly what you were trying to imply. Write proper narrative, please.

And thirdly, the main forum is only for Pokémon fanfiction - please place anything for other fandoms in the Non-Pokémon subforum.

Therefore, I'm going to lock this.