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Quackerdrill
1st December 2005, 5:29 AM
Yes, I'm actually doing this. This fic is a project that has exausted me for a while now, but here it begins- and eventually, here it will end. This is nothing like anything I've done before; it is more traditionally written, similar in style to other things you'll find here. It is first person- a decision I contested for a long time... this is an experiment. This will either be a sucess, or a massive failure. But, I will try......

P.S. The narrator, although first person, is female. Just in case you get confused. (Author/Character gender conflict? Who knew?)

Chapter Progress (not that this needs it):

~Chapter One- Capturing Moments- Posted Nov. 30th, 2005

~Chapter Two- Ever Changing Perceptions- Posted Jan. 2nd, 2006

~Chapter Three- Of Life and the Moon- Posted Feb. 9th, 2006

~Extra for Ch.3- Mind Games- Posted March 6th, 2006 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=97023&page=2)

~Chapter Four- Reflections- Posted April 2nd, 2006 (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=97023&page=2)


***

Prologue

She ran; as far as she could from the coming force. It pounded ferociously on her hood while her feet dipped into the puddles of water that dotted the street. The cold, yet satisfying liquid chilled her legs with a chill of forgiveness, a rite of passage after the deed was done.

The task was complete yet an unfulfilled emotion ran up to meet her mind- it was not over. A sudden flash of piercing light created a bright panorama of white in the black night, nearly shaking her of balance as she ran. She still ran- there was nothing stopping her from her escape and the nature could try to shake her and still have no effect.

Rain was her friend, yet an enemy as well who often tore down her defenses and led to many a mistake. It was because of mistakes like these that she ran like she did then. Problems that could not be solved, memories that could not be erased… they fell as did the incoming raindrops. But as painful as the weather could be, it also was a guide to new pastures and healing when in need. Her petals often needed the nourishment of a night’s rain, but now they were hidden to await the morning. Like a plant, she needed it, but also could be overfed.

The escape was required. She could not have stayed there and waited for fate. A wild one was born to roam, as her father had told her at a young age, and a young girl with enough passion and drive could chase dreams into the sunset long after the day had ended. This day had ended, and the sun had crept down behind the mountainside. It was time, her internal clock chimed, time to grow into the future that was laid before her. Escape from it was inevitable.

As another flash of lightning clashed into vision, bringing the day’s features into the night’s being, she stopped. That second, she took in the sights that were hidden by the dark’s shadow, the objects that were taken from the world at dusk. That second she also saw the rain in mid fall. The thought that all those drops would soon become one with others in the same puddle brought a tear to her eye and reminded her of what had occurred. The light then faded and she began her dash once more.

The thoughts in her mind were filled with reminders of the night prior to her escape; they were all fighting and connecting things quickly, piecing together her past and her future. It was often that such a thing happened during the rain.

Her hood had become sopping wet with the rain, and her head was ridden with the streaks of cold water that ran down to the pull-strings of her sweatshirt. The way the drops congregated in the material of her clothing was a perfect symbol of the nature of the night. But watching the others fly helplessly into the concrete and smattering into miniscule pieces of their former being brought a separate feeling; one of a completely different emotion. What had happened had its two sides, she supposed. But most everything does…

Her hair had finally met with the rain obstructing her vision of the path in front of her, and attached itself to her forehead. This may have bothered her in the past, but she had the will and strength at the time that it was as if just another raindrop had hit her shoulder. Just another one of the many. The deep growl of thunder then rumbled in the distance and shook her vocal chords, causing herd deep breaths to become shaky and coarse as she ran. It, as with the rain, was something that attempted to change her being but failed. She just kept going. Saying that she was simply on a roll was an understatement.

With a swift glance to her left she saw a bench that stood alone in the pouring rain, its wood doused with water, posing a threat to anyone who dared to sit on it. But she looked upon it with pity rather than fear. Nonetheless she sat on its steady foundation and leaned back onto its cold upright.

From the seat she could watch the rain fall swiftly yet calmly as it dropped in groups of three, sometimes four; it had definitely calmed down since her initial escape. As did she- she at last thought it was needed to take a rest from her rush. It was rare that her mind change that quickly, from a desperate hope to escape to reasoning for rest… it even impressed her. She shook out her blond hair, although it blended into the background enough where it was impossible to tell, and drew out the water that plagued it. It was messed now, but she had other things on her mind. It was as it should have been. The weather… the event… her mind. Not as I planned, she thought, but amazingly perfect.

The woman nodded downwards and released a small giggle. Her hair was soon enough doused once more in the rain. The rain she loved.

***

It flew with the starlight emblazoned within its eyes yet knew deep in its heart that the fire was almost done burning. The majestic blaze of flames that trailed the Moltres’ every movement lit up the night and created a red-orange blur in the sky where it flew, as if a painter was gently applying a coat of red to a black, empty canvas. It was captivating to the people below, yet reprimanding, as they all knew the true meaning of its existence.

The Moltres was there as a guardian and the sole protector of the small, dusty town. It led a calm life in which it watched the townspeople from above and peered into their lives from its usual post on the top of the cathedral. With circular black eyes that pierced down into the desert-like surrounding it took the responsibility of serving the town as its omniscient angel. If there was something that it did not know in its powerful mind, it was something that never existed. It was only a matter of getting into that tightly concealed mind that was an issue.

As the creatures final flaps of its grand wings led to the last stop on its roundabout tour of town, the Moltres’ orange-white feathers ruffled slightly. It at last grasped its aged talons onto the wooden cross above the stoic cathedral and rested. And it did this every day, as long as there was life in its soul and people in the town of Tyreville, it would do just that. But there was always human disturbance.

That exact cycle was interrupted on a dry summer day in late June. The Moltres did not show up that day and the townspeople all gathered outside their doors, all looking up at the church tower in pure hope. Their faces quickly became saddened as the day drifted on without their graceful deity on its post. There was no explanation. There was no account of why it made its departure or by what means it left. Just a town without a protector, though spiritual was all its protecting was.

The years flew in Tyreville and the town was eventually deserted as most of the small towns of Johto were by the year 1992. It had become a home to the metropolis, the home to the innovative and the new. But the town did not completely lose its life. It became a farming community, with family-owned businesses and a feeling of family togetherness as only a tightly-knit community could provide. But that sense of pride was gone… that sense of protection was gone… and the only thing the people saw after that dry summer day was rain and clouds. Dark monstrous clouds, clouds that either pained the villagers or brought them inspiration.

And inspiration was a lacking emotion these days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter One- Capturing Moments

Time. A path through which all passes and all occurs. As it trickles by hour after hour and day after day, things are forgotten and things are remembered. Dangerous things. Time can make a day last an eternity and make a year last for a fleeting second. Its command must be followed, but not necessarily obeyed; one can watch the time but others may ignore it completely. It can be employed as a rigid guideline or as a loose guardrail to gently nudge when one goes astray. But I never saw it as a true restriction until today.

-June 11th, 1992
This journal is a curse and a blessing, I thought as I tossed aside my almost inkless pen and met my forehead to the cold birch of my desk. The day’s events had practically swallowed my soul, and I was unable to put them in words that did not have a philosophical aura about them. I lifted my head off the surface and sat staring at that same photo on the wall, framed in a stark blue border. Inside that little flat world was my own self, donned in the most casual pair of jeans and sweatshirt and bearing a rather bored countenance. Next to my blankness was my father, his shaggy appearance, beard and all, taking all the attention (rightfully) away from the otherwise dull picture. That same picture, every day. At least it was good for a laugh.

I rarely had time to talk with my father, with his secluded, hermit-like ways. He was often found locked tight in his room buried in the newest magazine regarding scientific fact, or more likely, scientific rumor. I was always perplexed by his interest in the other-worldly, the conspiracies… but I suppose that if I spent enough time reading up on the subject, my hereditary instinct would kick in and I would be just as enthralled about the unknown.

When the time occurred to me and my clock’s green neon glow caught my eye, I realized that my awful work out in the fields was not going to perform itself. I brought up my dark brown, stringy hair up over my sweatshirt hood and knelt down to tie the last few pesky laces that were constantly rebellious. As I rose back up, a sound caught me by complete surprise.

Ka-thump-klud.

Oh, that’s wonderful, I thought with my (also hereditary) sarcasm in full blast, more fun for Skye…

***

As I entered the cluttered abyss that was my father’s office, I found myself facing a real challenge: navigating through all the junk and not breaking a few limbs in the process. Papers, books, magazines, and a multitude of random knick-knacks were scattered haphazardly across the carpet, all leading to another desk; but instead of being clean and polished-looking like the one I wrote on daily, this one was just as messed as the rest of the room.

“If you’re looking for the trouble, I’m afraid you will be disappointed,” a deep, calm voice said from in front of me. It was the ever-comforting sound of my father, facial hair and all, standing as firm as a brick wall, yet with just enough of that debility about him that the faintest wind would be capable of knocking him over. But one thing that was not wavering about him was his compassion for anyone close to him. Or his sense of humor, for that matter. He stood very still.

“No, just wondering where that noise came from, that’s- What the heck are you doing?” My voice went sharp as I noticed that his unaltered stance was due to the precariously tipped bookcase behind him, held up by a single foot. My eyes the traveled to the pile of presumably fallen clutter strewn about on the floor. There was a brief pause as my father’s pale face held fast, despite his predicament. “Should I reiterate, Dad?”

He smiled and reached his left hand back to give extra support to the bookcase.

“Just a little more research, that’s all this was.” The case shifted. “And a little problem with controlling frustration.” I watched silently as his expression tightened and the bookcase slowly rose back to its original position.

“Impressive, I have to admit,” I said quietly, as to not raise my father’s pride any higher. He took his hands and clapped them together a few times signifying a job well done.

I would have usually found this to be comical, but the whole deal made me think of how much my father’s obsession with his new conspiracy was getting slightly out of hand; if "slightly" meant daily fiascos like this one.

It started with an article in one of the many scientific digests he read devotedly, this one focusing on the more obscure of worldly truths:

The Moltres of Tyreville. It is known that there was once a time when the people would see its awe-inspiring flames in full glory, spread across the bright, sunny skies in order to protect out town and symbolize our strength. But its departure facilitated many questions about the nature of its abandonment, whether from age, tiredness, or possibly of want to travel to another town that needed it more than us.

But there is a slight possibility that the loss of the grand fire-bird was actually from unnatural sources. There is much evidence that the creature was perfectly healthy before its exit, and that illness was a rare impediment to the legendary Pokemon. Thus, it is a good bet that there is still more information to be found that will point to the retreat of Moltres to be less voluntary than we thought.

-Excerpt from “The Lost Flames”, Pokemon Science Monthly, November 1991

I watched my father flop wildly into his desk chair and instantly open a nearby magazine on his desk. My throat swelled. I walked up to him and tore away the booklet and saw his face crinkle in confusion.

“Is this about that- that- Moltres again?” I asked while my father stuttered as he gazed at his now segmented magazine. “Someday you are going to get us all in trouble with your crackpot theories on how that bird-”

“That bird is a Moltres,” he said in much darker spirits than before, “and I wish you would give it some respect for once. What I’m doing may change everyone’s opinion on how our guardian got taken away from us. There is no possible way I am just going to stand by on the sidelines and watch as our media completely botches the truth and makes us think that we were rejected by that beautiful beast.”

I leaned forward to the desk, my hair falling back in front of the hood. “What you are doing is fabricating an extreme situation to explain a tragedy that we are all still trying to figure out! Moltres would not be able to be taken by any kind of force; its willpower and pure strength would have kept everything away from it, as it had for all the years beforehand. It had to have left by its own desire… there is no other explanation for it. A legendary… is a legendary, and that’s that.”

My father looked around his office wildly, as if to focus on anything but my gaze. I could sense that feeling he had, a feeling of respect and yet discomfort over the fact that his own daughter had opposed his views. Repeatedly. I knew that my independence had always been a problem for him, as I was not the easily influenced child that every parent wishes to be blessed with. I respected his views. I loved him as a father. But his often foolhardy stubbornness on a single crazy notion or an entire foolish concept led me to taking his opinions with a grain of salt.

“Look, Skye,” he said with a light tone, “I know you have you preconceived notions of the world and of its history, but I wish that you would once, just once, take into consideration the world outside of what is taught. That big question mark that stands tall outside of everyone’s minds and beckons with an unanswerable call. It asks for you to think. It asks for you to look, explore. It asks for you, most of all, to take everything you hear and turn it upside down. You know all those facts that you know so well? Try putting them under a different light. Then come and talk to me about what is true and what isn’t.”

I took a moment to stare into those blue eyes and ponder about my father and his ways… and I smiled. There is a point where one must realize that they cannot change something. Nature must go its course, after all. I turned around and made my way towards the door, dodging things on the ground with only my instincts. I heard behind me the sound of a moving office chair; I halted, but knew it wasn’t important. I moved my right arm up to my side and gave a thumb’s up.

My symbol to my father that meant that everything was okay.

***

I took a step at last onto my front porch. From indoors I would have never been able to tell that outside an entire ocean of water was falling on the fields and grazing Pokemon. It seemed that all my life, all it did was rain in Tyreville, whether it was summer or winter. The overall look of the slickness of the mud and the murky gray that the rain created in the sky gave me a chill. It must have been a town thing, because rain in any other environment would have scared me indoors. It made me think.

The work was the only thing I could think of that made me slightly unhappy to live there on that family ranch. Bringing the Miltank inside, bailing the hay, dividing the crops, and a bunch of other stuff; it all blurred into one after a few hours of work. But seeing the happy face of my father and the Pokemon made every injury and strain worthwhile. As corny as it may seem, it kept me going. That feeling that I was keeping a tradition going was akin to putting logs on a bonfire. Well, if those logs went to sleep every night with back pains.

As my foot crossed the border of the dry and the wet, and small gray circles began to form on the shoe fabric, I sighed. It was days like these that I was glad to know that there was an outside. I almost wished to take my anger with my father out on the soil now beneath my feet, but its soft hold gave me such comfort that I was unable to feel the hate anymore. Maybe that was another reason I kept up my work like I did, though annoying it was… but who truly knows.

But my stress was not always so easy to relieve. Often I would fall back on my other hobby, that of photography. Pictures were a wonder to me; how light could capture life and turn it into a palpable form (at least, it would transform those intangible things like love) by a click of a button was baffling to the mind. But the joy did not come form the process, but instead the result. Those handheld replicas of my life were bits and pieces that made me… well, me. And the most enjoyable subject to capture in a moment in time were Pokemon.

Seeing them in their natural habitats was endearing, from the beautiful ebullience of their expressions to the interesting laws of their nature, especially interactions between species. I once witnessed a minute Skitty play joyfully with a Diglett, prancing through the dirt, dirtying its light pink fur. But the smile on its face was so very wide that it practically engulfed the sense of worry before it rose. Every time the brown, mole-like creature broke out above the soil and shone its tiny eyes at the feline, the Skitty would pounce- and fall on its head. Nevertheless, it kept on chasing it, its happiness never waning.

As the delightful scene ran through my mind, I couldn’t help but want to take out my camera and see if I could catch any creatures just humbly going about their business. I then held the camera, in all of its digital glory (if there is even such a term), and held it tight in my hand. It just felt abnormally warm… even with its cold metallic exterior. Of course, with the weather being like it was, the only Pokemon likely to be roaming around were some Lotad, or maybe some Psyduck, nothing that really would grab the attention of anyone.

That was my problem. My camera was ready, my mind was prepared, but interesting subjects just didn’t come about anymore. At least that was what I had thought for a long while. Oh, how my flowing mind gets in the way sometimes with its “ideas”…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...And it's over. Asleep yet? XP Review. Comment. Do something....

Infinite Master Sceptile
2nd December 2005, 2:15 AM
Impressive. This is the first chaptered fic I've read that didn't start off action-packed or mysterious. I enjoyed the descriptiveness, which came in just the right amount. Since I'm not a fanfic reviewer, I can't really critique this. But I really enjoyed it as a respite from the craziness of most fan fics.

IceKing
2nd December 2005, 3:10 AM
ARGGG! MY COMPUTER FROZE HALF WAY THROUGH MY REVIEW! Ill try and get everything back... Anyway, I heard a lot of things about you Quackerdrill and have wanted to review you for a while. I finally saw you have a new fic with few reviews so here was my perfect oppurtunity! Hopefully this wont take me too long since I've heard that you have pretty short chapters. And please note my structure comments that I start both reviews off with are purely my opinion from my reading standpoint.

Prologue Review


Like a plant she needed it. But also like a plant, she could be overfed.

The sentence structure there is kind of weird and doesnt really fit (at least for me).


With a swift glance to her left she saw a bench that stood alone in the pouring rain, its wood doused with water, posing a threat to anyone who dared to sit on it.

The participle form seems to make it flow better


As the creature's final flaps of its grand wings led to the last stop on its roundabout tour of town, the Moltres’ orange-white feathers ruffled slightly. It at last grasped its aged talons onto the wooden cross above the stoic cathedral and rested.

Moltres is a VERY large pokemon and I dont think this really portrays it that well. Normally when people think of birds resting on a cathedral they think of crows or phoenixes, animals no where near the size of a moltres

Overall, I liked the prologue a lot for its symbolisms and figurative language, but it was kind of nearing the dull side. As for the symbolisms, Im talking about fire and water and how you potray them differently in the two different scenes. Normally the word fire and water would bring the dreaded cliched groundon kyogre battle but thankfully, Im guessing this fic is not one of them. Also, fire and water are two very contrasting images and Im wondering how that will play out. I LOVED the descriptions and figurative language in the fic as well, especially during the rain scene. I could vividly imagine her trecking through the rain, and I could literally feel being in her drenched sweatshirt and having my wet hair block my eyes, it was that good. Although, I think you should have made the bench metaphor a bit more subtle. When I read, I prefer having symbols and metaphors be kind of subtle but still clear like in Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter." The main flaws were just that some of the lines and sentences were out of funk and at times didnt really flow smoothly with the rest of the fic. Just proofread carefully next time and see how well it goes. It was kind of dull, but not a bad type of dull more a poetic type of dull though if I was reviewing this late night I prolly would have fallen asleep.

Chapter One Review

Ok this wont nearly be as long because Im starting to get tired because I only got three hours of sleep, not because of the fic. I noticed a pretty big change in chapter one, probably because of the change in POV. First person point of view is usually hard to pull of but you pulled it off pretty damn well! I enjoyed reading chapter one and hearing this girls thoughts and feelings (I would NOT have known it was a girl if you didnt point it out). When I heard about the father reading scientific magazines and the main charachter going out for field work, I instantly thought May and Proffesor Birch, but that didn't happen either. Im taking the main charachter has no mother? Also, I felt kind of weird undertones in Skye and her father's conversation, it didnt seem to be much like a father and daughters but rather more of two dicussing scholars, I suppose that's a hint in to their relationship. The speech about the importance of faith by Mr. Skye was rather nice to read and I see now that the Moltres and rain are linked since the rain is in Tyreville. Was it Skye who was in the rain during the prologue? At last, the description of Photography was nice as well. I'm not really in a critizing mood right now, if I had a gun to my head all I can say is try and make the settings more clear and Im not seeing many sentence problems anymore that I saw in the prologue

Quackerdrill
2nd December 2005, 4:11 AM
Holy (insert any word here) peoples, thank you SO VERY MUCH for taking a look at this... I was afraid that this would suffer an untimely fate early on. Whoa.

Infinite Master Sceptile: Thank you big time for the review... Impressive? Really? Yeah, I did not want it to be like every other fic in the forums, especially with dark themes and constant action (not that that doesn't make for some great fics). Thanx Again!

Iceking: What is someone so great like you looking at my stuff for? XP Just kidding, but this was a welcome surprise nonetheless! I completely agree with your corrections with the prologue- thank you for pointing those out. And the Moltres; yes, it does seem a lot smaller now when I re-read it, I probably should have explained that the cathedral was huge. That would have made more sense... AND YES!! The fire and water- you got the main theme there. ^_^ That's one of the many reasons the title is "Pressure", because of the effect of water on fire and the differences between them... yeah, it is quite a good thing that this has nothing to do with Groudon and Kyogre, as it is getting rather overused around here. The symbolism and metaphors were the main focus, and I really like how you found them (mostly) to be good... but the description? Really? I've always thought I was not a very descriptive writer, yet with this work I... dunno. Maybe I have learned a thing or two after my eleven months here. XD

Another thing- I pulled off the POV? Whoa, I thought I botched it. >_<; Yes, the idea was that with the change of POV was the change of character, so I didn't make this clear, but yes- the girl in the prologue is not Skye. That will be important later. And the gender I thought would be obvious by my use of "daughter"... oh well, I see how otherwise it would be foggy. XD Big thnks for stopping by, I really appreciate it, both of ya!

EDIT: Oh, and the mother? That's saved for later. Just wait...

Saffire Persian
7th December 2005, 3:44 AM
I did NOT know you posted this. I'm glad I found it via your signature. Well, I'm going to give a review now. I'll start from the beginning of chapter one, as there don't seem to be any significant changes to the Prologue.




Time. A path through which all passes and all occurs. As it trickles by hour after hour and day after day, things are forgotten and things are remembered. Dangerous things. Time can make a day last an eternity and make a year last for a fleeting second. Its command must be followed, but not necessarily obeyed; one can watch the time but others may ignore it completely. It can be employed as a rigid guideline or as a loose guardrail to gently nudge when one goes astray. But I never saw it as a true restriction until today.

That one paragraph just - there's no other word for it - rocks . Mind if I put it in my overlarge word document of quotes? Very well done, I enjoy reading this kind of "Philosophical" (Would that be the right word...) narratives.


Oh, that’s wonderful, I thought with my (also hereditary) sarcasm in full blast, more fun for Skye…

Love her name. But even before this line-break, I can already get a feel for Skye's personality. The choice of vocabulary she uses in the body of the narrative continually helps flesh Skye out, and even in first person, the description is very neat and vivid. (Which I find is often not the case in first person point of views.) "Next to my blankness" was a rather odd term I found.. I stared at it for a moment - as I've NEVER seen that term used, but upon reading this, I can see Skye saying that.



“No, just wondering where that noise came from, that’s- What the heck are you doing?” My voice went sharp as I noticed that his unaltered stance was due to the precariously tipped bookcase behind him, held up by a single foot.

I could definitely picture this moment. I had to laugh - I could just see that double take as Skye finally realizes that her father is indeed in a rather.. troublesome position.

And the scene when Skye's outdoors after her 'talk' with her father was quite an enjoyable one. I could particularly see the Skitty pouncing after the Diglett (I assume it was a Diglett)

I also felt quite happy about the fact that you've given her the hobby of photography - straying away from the "Pokemon Capturing" phase that seems to litter most 'fics. Not that I don't mind it, but there's nothing like straying away from a norm.

As for critique - right now, I have none to offer you. Unlike what I said for the prologue, I found no problems with the punctuation, grammar, or any of the like, and everything seems to be flowing nicely.

Notify me whenever you get the next chapter out.

On an ending note, I can guess quite well what's going to get "caught" in Skye's camera.

Quackerdrill
8th December 2005, 2:10 AM
*freaks out*
I did NOT know you posted this.That makes two of us. XD But yeah, I gad forgotten about all the help ya gave me with the preview... thanks for stopping by! I will indeed contact you for the next chapter. ^_^

Thank you for pointing out that "philsophical" little bit- I absolutely love writing stuff like that. And, yeah, I did try to accentuate Skye's character more than usual, so that way I wouldn't have to wait for character interaction for any development. So yeah, I'm glad it worked! And the "next to my blankness", see she's commenting on how in the picture she seems to have a blank stare- thus, she is blankness. XD I guess.

Yes, Pokemon photography; I wanted her to have some other deal than just a trainer, so it seemed like a perfect match. Plus, it can lead to interesting plot development- see, I had just finished the game Beyond Good and Evil for my Gamecube, so I just had to implement the camera aspect. It's just so cool. Thanks again for the review!!

Typhlogirl
8th December 2005, 2:17 AM
*waves the flag of blessed originality* XD I told ya I'd review, didn't I? Anyway, to the review!

Well done Quackerdrill. I truly liked that intoduction to what I think will be a good story. While I do agree with Iceking in saying the prologue was a bit on the dull side, the first chapter made up for that easily. I enjoyed reading about the character of Skye, her personality is new and fresh, and she seems to have a bit of depth to her. The fact that she is a photographer is quite interesting. The description of the Skitty and the Diglett was also very good. I'm not say the prologue was bad or anything, it just seemed a bit...lethargic, for want of a better word. It needed a bit of spice. But the part with Moltres was good, I liked that! ^_^


The Moltres did not show up that day and the townspeople all gathered outside their doors, all looking up at the church tower in pure hope. Their faces quickly became saddened as the day drifted on without their graceful deity on its post.

Very nice wording and use of the word 'deity'...I like that word. Plus, 'Pure hope' was a very nice description too. That was a very well worded part of the prologue.


Pictures were a wonder to me; how light could capture life and turn it into a palpable form (at least, it would transform those intangible things like love) by a click of a button was baffling to the mind.

Amazingly true. Now you've put me into a 'how does it work?' mood. XDD Nicely worded.


Oh, that’s wonderful, I thought with my (also hereditary) sarcasm in full blast, more fun for Skye…

Hooray for sarcasm! Seriously, that was a nice sentence. ^_^

All in all, a very promising start to a fic that I'm sure has a positive future... I look forward to more parts with Moltres, and how this mystery will unfold. Well done!

-;157;

Saffire Persian
8th December 2005, 2:25 AM
IT made me think of Pokemon Snap.. a favorite game of mine back in the day. Anyway, no problem. Oh! One more thing I'd like to point out..found it rather amusing.


the narrator, although first person, is female

I get what you mean, but it almost sounds like your saying first person point of views are genderless. I know you didn't mean it.. but I just had to say something.. I found it funny, even though I know you never meant it that way. The way you word things can have interesting effects. ^^:

Quackerdrill
11th December 2005, 7:50 AM
Ah, more thanks to be given out. ^_^ Thanks to both of ya...

Typhie- Thanks for dropping by, glad you enjoyed it! I see that the general concensus is that the prologue is, er, a bore... this is odd to me becuase before I posted, I was actually worried that the chapter would be criticized for its lack of action! Huh. I dunno, it was basically an introduction for introduction's sake, and I bet you will appreciate it a bit more when this is all coming to a close... Anyways, Skye as a character- as a said before, she is a very different person from most fic leading roles, and I'm glad that her perks aren't getting lost in the shuffle.

Yeah, isn't photography interesting? I still don't fully understand how it can produce such a result with so little movement... it is just such an amazing concept, to capture things on film.

Saffire Persian- Pokemon Snap! I loved that game- I filled up my album with hilarious pictures and captions... I had that in my N64 for quite a while. Talk about games that deserve sequels... *thinks of possibilities for the Revolution controller* Oooohhh.... Um, anyhoo, yeah that is kinda misleading. Maybe I should have just gone "Dude. I'm seriously a guy. Skye aint. End o' story." Okay, maybe not. XD

billy5772
29th December 2005, 11:34 PM
QD! [no relation to XD]. I like this fic so far. I can tell that you’ve put a lot of effort into your symbols and metaphors and such. The ones I’m about to quote are a few of them.


Rain was her friend, yet an enemy as well who often tore down her defenses and led to many a mistake.

Rain, here, I’m guessing symbolizes any kind of trial? A trial that’s an enemy immediately, but makes you stronger in the long run. Both enemy and friend?


Like a plant, she needed it, but also could be overfed.

I’ve got a feeling that there will be a theme revolving around being “overfed” with hardship throughout this fic. I’m thinking a character in your fic [the one in the rain] is going to run away from her circumstance just as she’s running to get out of the rain and then eventually realize that she can’t be complete without undergoing some intense “pressure”.


“Look, Skye,” he said with a light tone, “I know you have you preconceived notions of the world and of its history, but I wish that you would once, just once, take into consideration the world outside of what is taught.

This reminded me of:

“There are more things in heaven and in earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” [Hamlet]

This conflict between father and daughter kinda symbolizes a conflict between faith and science or objectivity versus subjectivity. Interesting conflict to write about. I wonder who’s right?

Some of the metaphorical things you said, however, were kinda imperfect in that they weren’t really exact parallels. That’s okay, though. The commas were generally fine, but I still spotted a couple of mistakes. And I, too, thought of Pokemon Snap when I read that her hobby was taking pictures of pokemon. Never played the game, though.

I agree that your description was adequate. The character of the daughter and the character of the father were well brought out, too, by chapter 1. Good work on that front.

Anyway, keep up the good work. I can’t wait to hear what force or circumstance caused Moltres to disappear.

Quackerdrill
30th December 2005, 5:20 AM
*double freaks out* GAH!! I so posted in your preview before I knew that you posted here! Ack! MAJOR thanks for you dropping by, taking time out of your busy schedule...

Anyhoo, you got the symbolism down pat. The rain not only signifies the absence of Moltres, but also the trials and whatnot to be had and so forth. The whole deal with running from being overfed; you're pretty much right. I'm glad I have a reviewer that notices these things, that's for sure!! And yes: reading that quote the ideas do seem similar. (I do pay attention in English! Yayxors!)

Never played Pokémon Snap?! *runs away to start "Get Billy Pokémon Snap Charity"* A seriously great game.

And oh, yes, the Moltres... just wait. *grins*

Thanks big fer the review!! ^_^

Quackerdrill
3rd January 2006, 2:03 AM
A ha ha ha! It's taken me a while, huh? Well, here it is. I kinda feel that this chapter is kinda weak, but the story gets better eventually, I promise. I fortell errors-- don't withold the opinions! For my sake! Gah!

Um, have fun. Chapter deux!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Two: Ever-Changing Perceptions

The room was dimly lit and gray, the walls giant and confining.

A creature sat unmoved, its large, feathered body at last waking from a long slumber. As its black eyes opened, the flames upon it awoke as well, burning stronger than before. But when the creature scanned its new location, it withdrew them quickly. The room was small and cold, without much room for it to spread its wings or even move much.

Its mind was filled with cries, screams, seemingly coming from outside, but it couldn’t tell—for all it knew it could only be inside its head. It suddenly had a conscience that there were people who needed it. But knowing it was unable to help them, the Moltres was filled with pain.

A single, bolted metal door stood in its way, placed in the middle of the wall it faced.

The creature took a breath and stood slightly further up on its talons.

A fury of dark red flames collected in its beak, gathering into a sphere of controlled molten energy. With a small lunge, as the room would not allow much more movement, the Moltres launched the fire and it hit the door with a mighty slam. The bird watched as the force burned into the door… slowly… slowly…

Smoke rose from the impact, until at last it floated away. It revealed nothing more than a charred black circle on the metal exterior.

The Moltres sat back down on its talons and folded them under its feathers for warmth.

A single tear dripped from its tiny, glossy eye.

***

Friends are always strange to me. They are people who say they are behind you no matter what, yet who just end up betraying you somehow. Sure it is never life-threatening, and the end result is relatively easy to solve, but… there is just something utterly painful about believing something just to find out it was yet another lie. Things like this probably all added to that iron wall I had when making friends. Only the seriously persistent could manage to climb that defense, and would someone devote that much time to me for that?

I doubted it.

Like a lot of things.

When I pointed my camera into the short shrubs which bordered the field area of the ranch, my lens focused on a Caterpie – wait –

A shadow swept across the top of the small insect Pokemon, followed by another. The creature wrinkled its yellow-rimmed eyes and scampered away, revealing the leaf it must have been snacking on.

I brought my camera down to my waist and flipped the off switch. The days in which visitors to the ranch were common were far gone… The “shadow” then rapped on the gate adjacent to the bushes and, well, I knew I had to face this newcomer sometime.

The knocks were getting more rapid as my feet slowly trudged towards the red gate, and they almost sounded like the person was attempting to create a rhythm. Clunk clunkity clunk clunkity-clunker…

I opened the rusty gate and heard the squeal of some hinges in dire need of some oil, and before me was the figure in question.

It was as if the person’s sheer presence made me look with a slight grimace at her. She was a rather tall girl of about seventeen, rivaling me surely in height but not quite in age. Her face was of a menacing sort, with blue eyes that appeared as if they were fighting hard to cheer up the rest of her and losing the fight by a wide margin. Of course, seeing her entire face was difficult due to the blonde hair obscuring her forehead and the shadow given off by her hood. In other words, her appearance was dreary; even for a city constantly drenched in rain.

Her thin lips opened as she looked upon me confusedly. “Um, this would be the Taylor residence… uh, right?”

She did not look awfully confident. “Yes, I’m Skye Taylor, the daughter of Rich. I’m assuming you are looking for him, right?”

She stared up for a moment, her hood falling backwards and slopping some drips of water down to the ground. I thought for a moment to say to her ‘Don’t think too hard’, but recalled it; I did not want to be too harsh… yet.

“Um, sure, I’ll talk to him.” She smiled – shockingly enough. I guess those preconceived notions were just human nature. “That will do, I guess. It will get the job done… yeah.”

“Fine,” I muttered as I shut the gate she forgot to, “he’s inside.”

As the girl followed behind me down the soggy dirt road, I couldn’t help but analyze the situation for a moment.

Nope. Nuh-uh.

“Wait just a bit, you,” I found myself saying as I did an about face towards the female stranger, “I would like to know first what you need. Did you really expect me to just nonchalantly lead you into my home and let you do whatever you wish? Who do you think we are, the free room-and-board Tyreville Inn?”

I must have looked idiotic with my stance and the spitfire expression on my face.

“Hm,” the girl replied half-smiling, “Maybe. At least I know now where the Tyreville asylum is.” She giggled as I nearly had a spasm with anger.

“WHY – YOU –”

“If you would just calm down and let me talk, Miss Overreaction, maybe I could explain everything. Sheesh, if I knew you would be all uptight and stuff, I would have skipped this house…”

“…Skipped this house? What are you, a Sentret Scout?” My mind raced with questions about this rude little brat, and I could not help but just want to walk up and—

“You remind me of my old friend, ya know.” Her voice was now quieter and of a less sharp edge. My mind halted with any questions and surprisingly just… listened. “She never let me explain to her about ignoring things.” She stopped. “Hm, I never noticed the irony there. Uh, anyways, I’m actually reporting for my high school newspaper; we’re interviewing residents about a mystery surrounding Tyreville.”

It was obvious that my brain jumped to conclusions. Thoughts of how delighted my father would be to discuss this Moltres with another interested soul entered in. I could not let his passion for this useless myth burn any brighter— I was already in a battle I could not win.

“What mystery is this interview regarding, anyways?” I asked, not noticing that the girl had already walked ahead of me.

Her dark, coated figure walked with a slight jump in her step. “Hm? Why do you care? It seemed five seconds ago you didn’t care about anything I stood for. Um, the mystery is about some event that occurred many years ago in Tyreville. Some have said that it involved a group of cloaked men in the town square and a woman who had apparently done something very wrong. Another man down the road said that it has something to do with that said organization’s reign upon this land. I had heard once that Johto had once been ruled by a group like that, but… you know what they say about rumors.”

I released a sigh. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be; this mystery at least seems unrelated to any involving legendary Pokemon. But the fact that there was so little known about the subject actually piqued my interest. I suppose that this was that curious spirit from my Dad’s side of the family rearing its head…

But then again, I had heard nothing about this before. An organization ruling all of Johto seemed far-fetched; it had been a democracy since who knows when, at least according to school books and the lot. Now I have never been a history master, but still I felt that this was a little too far-fetched. Nonetheless, my father would jump all over this.

***

“So this is no surprise to me… Katherine was it?” my father said as the girl nodded, “I have actually heard of this before. As for information, I agree with the others so far; the woman had done something regrettable, that’s for sure, and this was supposed to be the reason why the organization disbanded. There was so much uproar over the result of the trial—the murder of the woman—and the people overthrew them.”

The “reporter” was now jotting down notes on her yellow-tinged notepad, with a new look of seriousness on here face. My dad’s office was still rather messy, but now the centerpiece of the room, the desk, was clutter-free. He sat on one side in his leather, spinning chair while the newcomer and I sat in wooden chairs on the other side.

“Wait, how did you know about this organization’s overthrow? Uh, you’re the first to mention it…” The girl looked straight at him with piercing blue eyes.

Obviously he was a little taken aback by this.

“I see that you’re awfully serious about this reporting deal,” he said withholding a laugh, “See, I read a bunch of rumor newsletters and an interesting fellow wrote an article on this in his weekly column. He says he has had this theory--”

“Theory?” I said, a tad bit too loud for my own good, “I don’t think she is asking for theories, I think that the subject is proven fact, father.”

They both looked at me.

“Let’s not start this again,” he mumbled.

“I think he has a point,” the girl said, “theory or not, it makes sense. If that rule was overthrown, a democracy replaced it. The woman must have been innocent; the only piece missing is how she opposed this organization.”

No matter how much I fought it, they both had a point. This mystery was an intriguing one, and I was wrapped up in it now. But I still had this feeling in my head that theory couldn’t be relied on to solve things like this.

But who was I to know. I had the information nut and the interviewer in the same room and I was outnumbered… I suppose that the mystery was also why I was beginning to enjoy it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peh, 'tis short, but ole Quacka likes it that way. Review... etc. Ya know the drill. (Er, no pun intended. XD)

Saffire Persian
11th January 2006, 2:45 AM
Hmm.. I'm guessing this woman is the one from the first chapter that they're going on about - the one that's innocent, that is? Anyway, another nice, enjoyable chapter. A bit slow and steady pace-wise, but I actually found it quite inviting. The tension between Skye and Katherine was rather enjoyable.. though she does ask a lot of question.. it seems she knows more than meets the eye.

And I see we finally have an idea of what happened to Moltres - rather unfortunate for the Legendary Bird... I can only wonder how it got there.

One piece of narrative I wanted to point out:
Friends are always strange to me; people who say they are behind you no matter what yet just end up betraying you somehow.

The sentence here didn't quite make sense to me. I know what you meant, but the way you phrased it sounds wrong and confusing - I'm sure you can tell by here. Also, the semicolon seems unnecessary to me, I recommend you start a new sentence rather than have a semicolon there.

Typhlogirl
11th January 2006, 4:38 AM
Hello Quackerdrill! Sorry for teh lateness and stuff. Yeah, I suck. Shut up.

NOW.

Not too much to say about this chapter. Very, very short, yes. My favourite part was with the Moltres and it's confinement. Geez, if that had been me, I would have gone absolutely APE-SH!T. (Is claustrophobic.) It seems it's being held prisoner. Interesting. I look forward to seeing more into this!

This Katherine girl ticked me off, to put it lightly. She's very, very annoying. But, you knwo what they say, if you can make people like or dislike your character, then you've done a good job with them. Or something along those lines. XD It's been a long morning.

I presume the woman they are talking about is the one from the prologue? She did seem pretty depressed, and I have my suspicions. Hmm...seems you've provided a truck-load of un-answered questions here!

Anyway, a good chapter, just try and make the next one a bit longer.

Bye!

-;157;

Quackerdrill
11th January 2006, 5:17 AM
Suprise-tastic! Thanks once again peoples. I'm glad this is getting a warm reception!

Pers: Yes, I'm talking to you, Saffire Persian. XD Thank you big lots for dropping in! Ooooh yes, this plodded rather slowly, huh? I would have liked to make it a tad bit less boring, but I'm a character-heavy guy, I guess. Hm. This aint a place for action... ANYHOO, the mystery of who's the girl from the prologue: Guess what?
It has to do with one of two characters introduced in this chapter... but which one? You will all know in time. *grins widely*

Katherine... yes, an interesting character, huh? I was definitely trying to make a love/hate feeling for her, and it seems to have worked, eh Typhie? XP Don't worry, as it goes along, her personality becomes clearer and the girl behind the hood is fully revealed.

THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT MISTAKE OUT! I knew something was buried in here somewhere. You're completely right: I will change it. ^_^

Typhie: Lateness? Don't worry about it, we all do it. No problem! Short, you say? Well, I'm sorry to report that I prefer short chapters; both writing them and reading them. 'Tis a stylistic choice- trust me, this wouldn't have the same effect if I made the chapters longer. And yes, Moltres is held prisoner... somewhere. ACk, claustrophobia... that must be annoying, hm? If the bird aint claustrophobic before, it sure is now! XDDD

Thanks peoples! New chapter soon, hopefully. ^_^

IceKing
13th January 2006, 2:20 AM
Well, I felt like reviewing tonight and while searching I found this fic and realized it was updated XD Here's me review!


But when the creature scanned its new location, it withdrew them quickly.

Whats them in this sentence?


the Moltres launched the fire, hitting the door with a mighty slam, and it watched as the force burned into the door… slowly… slowly…




This sentence didn't flow to well, I don't think the edits I gave help either. Perhaps change it completely, also the word launched seems rather weird there


no matter what yet just end up betraying

Probably better if you take out yet


In other words, her appearance was dreary; even for a city constantly drenched in rain.

Hehe, sorry its just funny picturing a menacing blonde hair blue eyed girl


“Um, sure, I’ll talk to him.” She smiled – shockingly enough. I guess those preconceived notions were just human nature. “That will do, I guess. It will get the job done… yeah.”

I like this dialogue, shows off her shyness very well


“Wait just a bit, you,” I found myself saying as I did an about face towards the female stranger, “I would like to know first what you need. Did you really expect me to just nonchalantly lead you into my home and let you do whatever you wish? Who do you think we are, the free room-and-board Tyreville Inn?”



I was thinking that XD Hehe, nonchalanat....


This mystery was an intriguing one, and I was wrapped up in it now




Interesting chapter, rather short though, I felt it wasn't sufficiently long enough to leave you feeling complete. I'm still unsure of Moltres's size but the starting part was very mysterious as well, I wonder what she has to do with the organization. Back with that girl with the hair and the camera, you still pull off the 1st person view very well. The whole anti-social thing seems kinda cliche, but despite that, it was done very nicely and I liked how you described sociability as a wall. I was a bit confused with the Caterpie, was it Katherine's shadow that came over it? I wonder why katherine was all shy at first but then got a little more Janet Renoish. I don't trust her or think that she's working for a school newspaper, perhaps a link with this woman? I always love powerful female figures in stories, so I'm interested to know about this woman and the organization. You'd the world would know a little more if an entire region was controlled by an evil organization. I'm not too big on the evil organization, but I never judge cliche ideas, only how people carry them out. Was her father one of the famous professors? Sorry, I forgot. Overall, it was a good chapter, though not as nicely written as the other two parts. Good job Quacky!

Quackerdrill
14th January 2006, 4:57 AM
Really, ya had to search to find that it had been updated? I thought I PM'd yall... oh well, I shouldn't trust a website to work right. XD Thank you lots for searching out and destroying those typos/mistakes, I knew they were lurking about. The them in that sentence was actually referring to its flames on its feathers. If you read slightly before that, you'll see what I mean. I hope.

SHORTNESS?? I should have expected that from you, huh? >_< But it's a choice I have to make. I just put myself in the shoes of the reader and decided that I preferred shorter chapters, since I know that everyone has other stuff to do and that this should be fun, not a chore to review. So, yeah. However, the coming chapter might be a bit longer.

And then we have Katherine... yes, at first a blue-eyed blonde-haired teenager does seem about as dreary as a kitten, but it was a clothing assumption, see. Skye could barely see eye or hair color anyways with her hood on her, anyways. XD Her personality is definitely deeper than it seems. She is very opionated but is often too shy to really express it. The deal here is important because... well, just wait for it. ^_^ I need to shut my mouth more often.

Yeh, the "evil organization" is kinda cliche. I thought about that. In this case, it was more of a governing party than an organization, I just used that term to liken it to a more evil force than just an opinion of a certain government. yeeeeeeeaaaah. That's it.... I think.

So, yeah- thanks for stopping by! Hope the next chapter is even better, for my sake! XD

P.S. Quacky? Awesome. XDD

billy5772
14th January 2006, 5:29 AM
I read this chapter a little bit ago, but never replied.

I like this new character, and I also thought it was the same girl from the first chapter. Her manner is pretty interesting: you get that "I know something" vibe from her, but at the same time she's got that bliss associated with ignorance. It's a well-done [or, perhaps, medium rare?] combination you've got there.

Well, I definitely would like to see how this girl aids the professor and his daughter in their search for truth. 'Til next time!

Quackerdrill
15th January 2006, 4:44 AM
Thanks, Billy-man, yer visit is appreciated! Big time! You may be right about the girl, but I won't spoil anything just yet. Yes, characters, characters and more characters-- I REALLY like how this has been the main focus of reviews so far. Charcaterization is teh awesomeness.... Anyhoo, yeah, Katherine's definitely a layered girl. There is indeed something she knows... but what is it? Hmmm? *shifty eyes*

Thanks for the well-done/medium-rare review! *is insane*

Quackerdrill
10th February 2006, 7:49 AM
Whoot-hoot! Happy day, a new chappie for all! woo! I case yall didn't know, this fic actually managed to get Fanfic of the Month over at PC for February, so I'm kinda high up on a cloud right now... gah. But gloating aside, I actually liked writing this chapter a ton. And it's a bit longer (yes, I actually listen to my reviewers sometimes. XD). You will notice that there isn't much action here, as it's mostly character development for this section of the story. Plus, I don't really delve into Katherine all that much in this chapter. It's mostly about- well, read it! Have fun... chapter THREE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Three: Of Life and the Moon

She always told me not to cry, my mother. When I would bawl my eyes out as the world fell down around me I would receive very little relief from her. Instead of the comfort of a strong, warm hug or a reminder of her love for her only daughter she would cover her ears and utter the exact opposite of what I really needed:

“Stop it. If you’re going to cry, go to your room. I don’t want to hear it.”

It was shattering, even moreso every time. It was as if she thought that my tears were for attention, that they fell down my face in a meaningless Croconaw-style than in the truly sorrowful emotion in which they stemmed from. I’m not completely sure looking back whether this was a positive childhood experience or not. This may be why I make it so difficult to feel sorry for things now. But that would normally be a good thing, right?

No.

I’m not completely sure why I’m the person I am. But all I know regarding my mother is that she still must be important to me if I can have these memories. I also still remember the day that she left.

The rain fell stronger that day.

June 12th, 1992

***

My house was quickly transformed from a bland ranch home into a potential Johto courtroom with the two wannabe ace reporters on the case. After having gathered a truckload of information from my father regarding the “mystery of the week”, Katherine’s quest for a story still continued. I was almost going to call the police when she showed up at our rusty gate the following day, paper and pen in hand and looking awfully foolish.

Her story was that the rest of the neighborhood was not being all too kind to her “warm and welcoming” way of interviewing. My story was that they all had two eyes and a conscience.

Whichever the story, our ranch seemed to become a second home to the budding reporter and my father continuously squealed in excitement over being able to at last express his knowledge without being judged. I could see that certain twinkle in his eyes when he engaged in a serious debate with the girl, and I could tell that he was completely immersed in his element. Kat (as she had happily suggested for us to call her), to any bystander would have appeared to be the real daughter of the man, not the shy brunette sitting in the corner playing a Game Boy.

Even though, seeing my father in such good spirits was a change for the better, especially now that I was not there to shoot down all his thought-out ideas. When I think about it, I wasn’t exactly the perfect daughter I could have been… We were almost as cold of opposites as a father and daughter could get.

“Hey Skye… are you alright? Kat’s grabbing some grub for us out at the market, do you think you can tear yourself away from that flashy-thing and talk to me for a bit?”

My father’s voice poured from behind me as he sat in his desk chair tilted awkwardly like a capsizing ocean liner. I turned to see his face get redder and redder until he realized his predicament and reverted back to normal sitting.

“Fist of all,” I began turning my oaken chair around to face him, “it’s not a flashy-thing; for your info I’m about to give the Metroid Queen a what-for…” I stood up and switched off the device and left it on the chair. “Second, since when does she get food? I said I was going to when I-”

“Yeah, exactly, when you what? Kat’s just faster than you about these things, I guess.”

My mind flamed up.

“Since when do you talk about her like she lives here? Shouldn’t she be at home with her own family, anyways?”

“Dear, she can’t just go home, it’s complicated—If you’d just talk to the girl, you would know that she’s actually pretty interesting.”

I turned back around with a slight sneer. The day I would talk to that atrocity would be the day that she left, and at this rate neither was likely.

I was facing a window as I strolled out the door, and through it I thought I had seen a Murkrow in the tree, drenched with rain and staring up at the billowing puffs of graying clouds… but I was sure it was just my imagination. Murkrow had never been in Tyreville before. Then again, the town was having a large amount of new visitors lately.

***

The hallway was bleak and covered with a silvery shine, one which matched every chamber hidden elsewhere in the fortress. Footsteps rang through the building as two figures strode to the door of one such room, echoing down towards nothingness like the bellow of a Wailord in the empty sea.

“…I don’t understand it. All this work and he just throws it away?” One of the figures, tall and his face hidden under a low baseball cap turned towards the other. What could be seen of his face was leathery and wrinkled, the obvious sign of one who had been at his post for too much of his lifetime. The shorter one was slightly younger looking and topped with a shag of curl-plagued hair, bearing an expression full of disgust.

“Who wouldn’t with a chance like this,” he muttered through a pursed lip. “It’s the flawless plan. Just wait and you’ll see why this is the perfect way for us to find the information we want. It will pour right out of the poor guy; juicy pieces of raw data we can use to really find out who deserves the punishment.”

The taller one stopped and waited for a second, his keychain attached to his belt jingling melodically as he stopped.

“Punishment? Is that the reason for this? I thought that that part would have surely been solved by now; it’s been over a hundred years for God’s sake! Are you sure that this isn’t to see what her motivations were? No sane person just decides to oppose the press and write such a thing knowing that every villager would read it! Sure it may have been the nineteenth century but free speech was dangerous in the political climate of the times.”

The other had stopped as well, and turned around to face the timid, rather shaky figure of his partner. He grinned.

“I don’t think you saw the irony in what you just said.” The man turned back and continued down the seemingly endless hallway. “I believe that it’s the sane people who fight against the giants. It’s the insane who don’t take advantage of their rights.”

He paused.

“Well, as much rights as there were.”

The man’s partner had at last noticed his departure and jogged back to his side, his hat threatening to fall off with every leap. His keys were producing an even stronger melody.

And as they passed one of the chambers, a small whine was let out by something inside it. Something which longed for the melody of another tone… of the bells.

***

It had quickly become late at the ranch and our visitor had finally left our humble abode. The moon was full, the Spinirak’s webs were visible in the starlight, and I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity for some beautiful scenery shots. My camera had been sadly gathering dust and I needed to clear my mind with some fresh air anyways. It was perfect.

I snuck quietly past my father, who had apparently fallen asleep in yet another research power-trip, and walked out of the bleak wood paneling of my home into the pristine silence of a summer night. The rain had slowed to a few sporadic drops, and the moon was more amazing than I expected, a glowing white orb of purity in the darkness. It was almost as if the night was trying to tell me that there were more than just myths and debates in life… If only I could get those two Sherlocks out here to see for themselves.

I could hear the Ponyta in their stables whinny and stomp on the soil as I traveled the dirt path that led towards my favorite place to visit on our land. It was a small pond we had that was home to a few water-types and some regular visitors, such as a Hoothoot who would stare into the reflection for hours at a time. I often wondered whether flying types were that vain… or if it was just thinking about life. The latter was what I usually ended up doing on my visits instead of taking the pictures I intended to.

This time was going to be different, I told myself. As soon as I saw the sparkle on the water, I whipped out my camera and focused on a surfacing Quagsire. I held it steady and prepared the zoom lens and… lowered the camera. I found myself mesmerized by the pure charm of the creature’s small, innocent eyes and the odd yet captivating luster on its skin. Of course I did know the rather disgusting origin of this shine, but I tried to avoid that reality.

The poor blue creature, how it is cursed with an odd look about it and yet has a very noble heart beating in its chest. Now surely I did not know this Pokemon and may not have seen any particular examples of its personality except for this brief stare-down, but I felt a connection to it that seemed to bond us together over that little pond.

Slimy, yet gleefully unaware… why did it strike me as familiar?

I knew where this was going and I tried to stop the train before it left the station. There was no way I was going to let a simple comparison change my attitude towards that girl. Whatever the morals I found and whatever the strange ways I turned the story around there was absolutely no way I would find myself walking back into that house to make good with that lunatic.

And yet, predictably enough, I found myself doing just that. I dashed back into the house with my hair an absolute jumble in the rain and the speed. The warm air hit me like a comforting blanket as I ran through the door, all in order to fulfill a deed that I subconsciously wanted but seriously detested: To talk to Kat one on one.

I found my father’s office to be much more… empty than expected. There was one less person than there should have been. To make matters worse my father had turned his office chair to the window looking out, the chair actually on all four of its legs. This was quite an ominous sign.

“Dad, is Kat here?”

My tired and stressed-looking father swiveled his head and glanced at me before rushing it back to the rain-soaked window. “You missed her. She’s… out.”

“Where exactly is ‘out’? Is there a problem? Anything I should know?”

“That’s pretty high talk for someone who was about as jealous as a Girafarig’s behind a few hours ago. I didn’t think you gave a flying fig about that girl!”

He may have been right, but I strangely was not nearly as interested at the moment about my own tastes than I was in why that girl left. Unlike me, definitely, but I would soon find out it was only going to get worse.

I stood in the office doorway and leaned on the doorsill, my feet cradled on the opposite side. “I know, I know,” I said after a sigh, “you can save me the pestering for now. Just tell me where she’s off to; I have some business to take care of.”

I tried to ignore the sly smile forming on his face. “I’m glad you’re finally listening to what your father says. Let’s see…” He stroked his chin where an invisible goatee would have been. “Kat had a kind of revelation while we were researching and after mentioning something about the bell tower, she scurried off. You were in your room at the time I believe.”

I stood in that relaxed position next to the door for at least another five seconds to sink it all in. I was currently doing something I knew I would end up regretting—actually responding to something in a caring way about a subject that I did not really care about at all. I suppose it was a combination of the irony and the sole weirdness of the situation that made me instinctively do it. But nevertheless, I was going out that door and to that bell tower. I was going to confront something that needed to be confronted. I was going to believe in something that I did not wish to believe.

Maybe it was instinct. Or maybe it was that Murkrow in the tree crowing loudly at the moon as if to question its being. I could see its shadowy figure amongst the branches quite clearly now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DONE, done done done! How was it? Read it, review it, drink it, eat it, etc.

Saffire Persian
17th February 2006, 6:26 AM
0_o.. Where are Your reviews? That's what I'd like to know. *glares around*... I do realize I'm late.. and that I'm probably part of the problem. If I don't review a chapter a few days after you send a PM out, it probably means I forgot - so bug the heck out of me until I do so. xD

Anyways, I read through this chapter, and I liked it even more than the last one. Your beginnings throughout the past three chapters are my favorite parts of the whole thing, and this one was no exception.



She always told me not to cry, my mother. When I would bawl my eyes out as the world fell down around me I would receive very little relief from her. Instead of the comfort of a strong, warm hug or a reminder of her love for her only daughter she would cover her ears and utter the exact opposite of what I really needed:

“Stop it. If you’re going to cry, go to your room. I don’t want to hear it.”

That's just said, I can definitely connect to how this girl feels. It's sad, but real life is often just like that. I also quite enjoyed the Pokémon similes and metaphors throughout the chapter - you seemed to use quite a bit of them, and I find it a rarity in fanfictions. Not to mention the 'more jealous than a Girafarig's behind' was quite amusing, not to mention it fit quite well.

I still enjoy Skye's sarcasm, and her..erm.. hatred for Kat is very real (I remember thinking the same thoughts as her as I did with my step-father). XD


The day I would talk to that atrocity would be the day that she left

Ditto to that line, too. That line also happens to be very quotable, and I quite like it. Just like this one:


Her story was that the rest of the neighborhood was not being all too kind to her “warm and welcoming” way of interviewing. My story was that they all had two eyes and a conscience.

Also, one part I just found priceless:


to any bystander would have appeared to be the real daughter of the man, not the shy brunette sitting in the corner playing a Game Boy.

XD... Now this is a character I like 0_o.. I can imagine the looks I get when I play Game Boy.


“Fist of all,” I began turning my oaken chair around to face him, “it’s not a flashy-thing; for your info I’m about to give the Metroid Queen a what-for…”

First of all. ^^... and I don't think 'a what for' is possible, I think it's just 'what-for'. Dunno if it's hyphenated or not, but meh. Still, I liked that line of dialogue.



And as they passed one of the chambers, a small whine was let out by something inside it. Something which longed for the melody of another tone… of the bells.

I assume the ellipses are for emphasis, but in my opinion, they just slowed the paragraph down. So, what is this creature? Suicune? *shruggs*


I found myself mesmerized by the pure charm of the creature’s small, innocent eyes and the odd yet captivating luster on its skin. Of course I did know the rather disgusting origin of this shine, but I tried to avoid that reality.

The poor blue creature, how it is cursed with an odd look about it and yet has a very noble heart beating in its chest.

You're making me like Quagsire..XD... Don't do that, dang it!


Maybe it was instinct. Or maybe it was that Murkrow in the tree crowing loudly at the moon as if to question its being. I could see its shadowy figure amongst the branches quite clearly now.

Nice, foreboding picture.


One other mistake I'd like to point out:


Even though, seeing my father in such good spirits was a change for the better, especially now that I was not there to shoot down all his thought-out ideas

I get what you're starting to say, but the thing is, you leave it hanging; you don't really complete the thought (and there should be no comma after though in this context.. Perhaps you could revise it?

All righty, overall, as I said, I liked this chapter a lot. We're beginning to delve into the plot, with the scene change to the laboratory. And the stuff about the woman who opposed the press, and the dialogue between the two men was quite intriguing - I especially liked the 'sane and insane' comparison, it definitely gives a good view - of both sides, too. It makes me wonder what times were like back then.

I'm also wondering if the italicized segment was in Skye's POV - or from the "Rain Woman" as I now dub her. As Skye's without a mother, I could see that - just as the woman in the rain could be Skye's mother - or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Skye's part was a nice segment, and I like how you interweave things from real life that people can connect to (a la Game Boy), and her sarcasm is priceless. Also the fascination she displays when you goes on Photo Shoots was one of my favorite parts of her segment; it's nice to see someone actually backing up what a character likes to do, instead of just saying it.

All the errors I found I pointed out, but they were few and far between, and didn't really detract from the reading.

Soo..yeah, awesome chapter. And I'd be glad to make a banner for the story if you want one - I see you made your own, so yeah. ^^;

IceKing
17th February 2006, 10:58 PM
Whoot-hoot! Happy day, a new chappie for all! woo! I case yall didn't know, this fic actually managed to get Fanfic of the Month over at PC for February

That's only because they don't notice my fics :P


that they fell down my face in a meaningless Croconaw-style than in the truly sorrowful emotion in which they stemmed from.

This sentence is wordered rather...weirdly; I suggest changing croconaw and rewording the second part.


I also still remember the day that she left.

The rain fell stronger that day.

*cough* theme development... *cough*

I wonder who this is? Perhaps the girl from the prologue, though I forgot whether she was Skye or not


almost as cold of opposites as a father and daughter could get.

almost as cold also sounds weird. I have no suggestions for what to change it to though XDD Your the writer, you tell me!


“Hey Skye… are you alright? Kat’s grabbing some grub for us out at the market, do you think you can tear yourself away from that flashy-thing and talk to me for a bit?”


I really like this line, I think it shows the relationship between Skye and her father very well. I can see Skye is prolly worried that Kat is a bit replacing her..hehe flashy-thing


“Dear, she can’t just go home, it’s complicated—If you’d just talk to the girl, you would know that she’s actually pretty interesting.”

This seems rather interesting to say of a girl they only known for what, a few days? What if Kat is the girl in the prologoue (I need to check your first response again..)


through it I thought I had seen a Murkrow in the tree,

Ok...that is OBVIOUS foreshadowing right there


echoing down towards nothingness like the bellow of a Wailord in the empty sea.

Ok, the syntax in this sentence clearly...

nah, I just wanted to say I liked that simile XD Put a nice sound in my head


No sane person just decides to oppose the press and write such a thing knowing that every villager would read it! Sure it may have been the nineteenth century, but free speech was dangerous in the political climate of the times.

This is rather curious, obviously the word press gives the image of Kat. Ugg, there better not be any reincarnation involved...


I often wondered whether flying types were that vain… or if it was just thinking about life.

Any bird that sits around, looks at a pond, and thinks about life deserves to be shot! They should make sure there appearances are at the best at all times! After all, thinking gives you wrinkles!


the odd yet captivating luster on its skin. Of course I did know the rather disgusting origin of this shine, but I tried to avoid that reality.


LOL! Wow, that second line was a good transition from the flowery description



Maybe it was instinct. Or maybe it was that Murkrow in the tree crowing loudly at the moon as if to question its being. I could see its shadowy figure amongst the branches quite clearly now.

Oh Shiva....I can tell there will be some crap going down in the Bell Tower.


*pokes rest of Serebii* This guy needs some more reviews! And perhaps a club soda or two... Well, I liked this chapter as well as the last two. Most of my nitpicking is in the quotations above. The italics were really good; having a relationship like that with you rmother isn't exactly a ground breaking concept, but the diary entry was good either way. I sometimes feel that way with my mother...but let's not get into IceKing drama ^^


EDIT: Oh, and the mother? That's saved for later. Just wait...


Was this the later XD?

One thing that's kind of bothering me is that there is such emphasis put on Skye and Kat's rivarly for her father's attnetion when we barely have seen Kat at all. Her father is becoming rather close to Kat (and dont think it!) and I wish we could have seen interaction between the two because I feel envy is coming kind of sudden. Why do I get the feeling that Kat is going to publish "CRAZY MAN IN OUR FAIR CITY" in the paper?

I like the relationship your setting up between Skye and her father; it's nice and subtle, while still pretty good. Skye seems to be the foil of Kat in terms of daughterhood, why won't she be interested in her father's studies ;__; And why doesn't he call the flashy-thign in camera. Though from now on, I will call a camera a flashy-thing!

The Quagmire-Kat comparison was rather....interesting. That's it. I can't believe Kat is practically the subject of this entire chapter yet doesn't even appear. Oh well, we'll see her in the Bell Tower I suppose, and that Murkrow can only mean doom. And first person POV is still being pulled off very well ^^

That laboratory scene was also a waaah scene and I honestly have no comment about it because it really didn't offfer that much information to the reader (that's not a bad thing though, it just means we're being left more in mystery)

Overall, good chapter, make it about another 12 pages longer next time, and don't quicken charachter relationships (i.e., Kat and Skye)

billy5772
19th February 2006, 10:32 PM
Well, I read the chapter, but I have not much to add. I wish I had something to say, but I don't think I have anything that hasn't already been said. Seems like this chapter is just reinforcing character traits and stuff from before. Definitely suspenseful at the end with the daughter going off to the bell tower to confront Kat. Well, I guess I just wanted you to know I was still reading. I'm still reading.

Quackerdrill
20th February 2006, 9:09 PM
ThankyouthankyouthankyouTHANX TO YOU!!! All of y'all. I suppose being off the computer for four days changes a few things. These reviews popped out of virtually nowhere!

Pers: Oh, my reviews...? Heehee, yeah that's a weakness of mine. I really need to get out there and do reviews like I used to in the summer... I have the time but I guess I don't have the drive yet! XD Ah yes, Pokemon similies and metaphors are something I've always used to remind people that the characters live in the Pokemon world. Otherwise this could have happened pretty much anywhere, huh? Ooh, yeah- the debate between "a what-for" and "what-for" continues. I remember back in eighth grade my English teacher and I had an arguement on which one was right. Neither of us ever found the real usage, but now it's an inside joke whenever I see her. XD So you're probably right. YES YES, that sentence was bugging me... I will fix indeed.

Alright, the italiczied (however the heck ya spell it) portion was an entry in Skye's journal/diary, so yeah- her POV. And oh yeah! Banner! I would really appreciate it... I just didn't want to make you even more busy than you already must be. But yeah, go ahead if you want to. Thanx!!

IK? Icy? Uhhh, insert nickname here?: People don't ignore your fics over there, they just... uh, think that they're soooo perfect nothing needs to be said...? Yeah, I'll go with that. XD Thank ya for stopping by. gaaaah, yes, another pesky sentence. Have error, will fix. Let me say this now: Mom does not equal girl in prologue. Just killing a rumor before it messes everyone up. >_<; But a real good guess. "Almost as cold as opposites"... what was I on that day??? I prolly should have just said "Just about as different" instead. Bleh. And IK, the 'flashy-thing' was referring to Skye's Game Boy, not her camera. Teh-ha. But you can still call them that! XD
This seems rather interesting to say of a girl they only known for what, a few days? What if Kat is the girl in the prologoue (I need to check your first response again..)
Yeah, but it happens. The two of them had a long conversation (as referenced later) and found out a lot. I couldn't have their talk in the writing yet, however- This is from Skye's POV, right? She was not really paying much attention, right? BUT she will find out the substance of their discussion later. Don't worry. And yeah- Kat is not the girl in the prologue either. >_< However, you did make a good connection...

Okay, okay, since you seem to have a bit of a gripe with Kat not having much screen (...uhhh, page?) time of late, there's a reason. I wanted th reader to find out more about her character at the same time Skye does. This way the first person POV still works. Yes I do skip off that POV for some of the plotty stuff, but the main focus will be Skye's reactions. Don't worry, there will be a whole lot of new info about Kat in the coming chapter. 12 PaGeS lOnGeR?!?! I don't think so, man. But I will try going longer. I will try. ^_^

Billy Man: No problem, man, it is nice to see that you're still around. I worry, that's all. Glad you're still reading! whoo!

Thanx to all y'all once again!!! *gives out cookiemuffinbrownies* Yum!

Saffire Persian
25th February 2006, 11:18 PM
Oh, my reviews...? Heehee, yeah that's a weakness of mine. I really need to get out there and do reviews like I used to in the summer... I have the time but I guess I don't have the drive yet!

XD NOT what I meant at all. XD I meant, essentially, where are the reviews for this fic?
But meh.

Well, aside from this being a nice, needed bump, here's the link to your banner.

Pressure (http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c37/Saffire88/pressure.jpg)

Quackerdrill
7th March 2006, 6:18 AM
Hey guys, no completely new chappie yet, but here's something that you might like. After reading IceKing's comments in his review, I did realize that Skye really didn't seem to have much of a reason to dislike Kat that much... well, at least there was no real explanation for it. I hope this (REALLY SHORT) little dealie will help. It occurs during Chapter Three. DID I MENTION IT'S SHORT??? ^_^

Extra Thingy: Mind Games

I sat there in that room looking down at the boring, monochromatic flickering screen of my Game Boy and saw the reflection of Kat inside it. She was sitting there in what should have been my chair looking at my father, and occasionally glancing down at a magazine on the table. I saw her smirk grin. Or did I?

It hurt to think about how my father was getting further wrapped up in this myth and farther away from me. No longer was I the one he could confide in; I had been replaced with a stranger who just happened to be fond of the same subjects. Jealous? Yeah, I probably was. But did I hate her? I am still unsure about that.

Some would have said I did hate Kat, with the way I couldn’t bear to look at her. She would wave and give that typical sunny face whenever her eyes met mine, and I wondered whether she had realized I could care less. But ‘hate’ is an awfully harsh word for someone I had recently met, so I tried hard to remain hopeful that I could look past the whole replacement issue and see her as a kind, gentle person.

However, it just didn’t work. Me and my stubborn nature, how I wish I could do away with it and be one of those people who could always see the good in life. My mind takes a hold of a notion and shakes the life out of it until the idea is set in stone, like a Graveler using a strong Seismic Toss. Just like the poor Pokemon who gets the brunt of that attack, I just couldn’t picture Kat as anyone except the girl who was now living my life.

My energy tanks long depleted and the battery light waning, I flipped the switch on my Game Boy and looked again

At my father.

Then at her.

And for a split second I saw myself in that chair, quietly discussing with my dad. Gone was the blonde and there was a brunette in her place, looking at her father like only a daughter could.

But when I blinked I saw once again the familiar upbeat body language of Kat. I guess the mind gives you what you want even if you yourself do not know your desires.

I leaned back, Game Boy in lap.

Come on, she can’t be that bad… that hood isn’t covering a pair of horns, right?

Even thoughts couldn’t put out the fire of jealousy. Those green flames need a little more drastic measures.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EDIT: 700 views.... yay....

Saffire Persian
16th March 2006, 5:48 AM
Hmm.. An interesting little segment here. Not much to comment on given the shortness, but it gives a nice little peek into Skye's feelings toward Kat, as well as a nice little scene with the Gameboy again. (It still amuses me to no end) And I liked the little Graveler comparison there.

Beware the green flames of envy, eh? ^_^

Sike Saner
16th March 2006, 6:30 PM
MNAH! I hath read this and must now say daaaaaaaaaaaaang, for this is just good as frell. Skye = one of THE most three-dimensional characters I've read, and her jealousy towards Kat is portrayed just deliciously. Plus, your command of the English language is godly. I covet your skills. Grr.

Here are some little snippets that I particularly enjoyed:


That feeling that I was keeping a tradition going was akin to putting logs on a bonfire. Well, if those logs went to sleep every night with back pains.

Heh heh heh. XD


I once witnessed a minute Skitty play joyfully with a Diglett, prancing through the dirt, dirtying its light pink fur. But the smile on its face was so very wide that it practically engulfed the sense of worry before it rose. Every time the brown, mole-like creature broke out above the soil and shone its tiny eyes at the feline, the Skitty would pounce- and fall on its head.

XDDDD Oh, that image is priceless... Skitty: "Nyah!" *pounce* *BONK!*


The Moltres sat back down on its talons and folded them under its feathers for warmth.

A single tear dripped from its tiny, glossy eye.

Aww, poor bird… =( *wants to hug it, regardless of FLAMING PLUMAGE*


“Wait just a bit, you,” I found myself saying as I did an about face towards the female stranger, “I would like to know first what you need. Did you really expect me to just nonchalantly lead you into my home and let you do whatever you wish? Who do you think we are, the free room-and-board Tyreville Inn?”

I must have looked idiotic with my stance and the spitfire expression on my face.

“Hm,” the girl replied half-smiling, “Maybe. At least I know now where the Tyreville asylum is.”


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one, Kat! XDDDD


But all I know regarding my mother is that she still must be important to me if I can have these memories. I also still remember the day that she left.

The rain fell stronger that day.

DANG. Now, that is powerful.


And as they passed one of the chambers, a small whine was let out by something inside it. Something which longed for the melody of another tone… of the bells.

And that's just curiously lovely, there.


Slimy, yet gleefully unaware… why did it strike me as familiar?

XD I love that line.


That’s pretty high talk for someone who was about as jealous as a Girafarig’s behind a few hours ago.

"Jealous as a Girafarig's behind"! Oh, I just love that...


I will definitely be coming back to this thread. :3

StellarWind
16th March 2006, 6:37 PM
I like this fic so far. o_o The descriptions are awesome - and for some reason, I get a bit of a film-noir feel from it. The characters are nicely written and the feeling of mystery/conspiracy around Moltres (poor thing... I never believe I could feel pity for THIS burning goose-chicken) definitely looks like something that would keep me reading this. ^_^

I don't really have specific notes, as I don't have much time to post now. All I'm saying is that I'd really love to see more of this story. ^^

Nice work!

billy5772
17th March 2006, 12:03 AM
Hey, qd! This was a neat little delve into the tension between Kat and the daughter. Interesting how she was so disgusted with her father's obsession before and now she'd be happy if he would confide in her regarding his theories. I guess it's like two people who want to connect but have incompatible "terminals" of interest. You said "could care less" instead of "couldn't care less"...yeah. and this line is soooooooo true:


But when I blinked I saw once again the familiar upbeat body language of Kat. I guess the mind gives you what you want even if you yourself do not know your desires.

Cya when the next chapter is up...or a few days after, lol.

Quackerdrill
17th March 2006, 7:32 AM
whoa whoa whoa whoa GUYS!!! Thanks big! I get lazy about checking the site again and all of the sudden- two new reviewers! Just whoa, peoples... whoa. ^^

Pers: Yeah, there really wasn't much to say about that little dealie, was there? Oooh, green flames... REALLY glad you picked up on that. Hehehe.

Sike: Wait... THE Sike Saner? What are you doing here?? XD I kid, but thanks a ton for dropping by! What a massive surprise! My skills? I would die for your mastery of writing, Sike. Thank you for the quotes- oh, those quotes. I love reading your reviews for all the crazy things you point out. It brightens my day. ^_^ Thanx again!

Stellarwind: Talk about surprises! Thank you for reading and yeah- now that I think of it, film noir isn't too far off. I think you're on to something. Hm. Burning goose-chicken? XD That's awesome. I am so calling Moltres that now. ^_^

Billy-Man: Thanks for checking it out, and pointing out that error... why does it seem so... familiar? XDDD After a few days? Heh, don't worry about it. *realizes yet another day went by without reviewing Lost in the Haze* XD

So yeah... Chapter four-ish is on its way, it has just been pushed back a tad bit due to busy-ness. Lots of busy-ness. (Business?)

Cookiemuffinbrownies, yall! *tosses*

Typhlogirl
17th March 2006, 9:52 AM
NOW.

Maybe if I sneak in quietly, no-one will notice how late I am...

Oh whatever. Review time.

Interesting chapter (and addition thingy ;P). I presume it was meant to show the jealousy that Skye feels towards Kat? Excellent. BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST HER. Kat, I mean. Not Skye. Ahem. O_o


“Punishment? Is that the reason for this? I thought that that part would have surely been solved by now; it’s been over a hundred years for God’s sake! Are you sure that this isn’t to see what her motivations were? No sane person just decides to oppose the press and write such a thing knowing that every villager would read it! Sure it may have been the nineteenth century but free speech was dangerous in the political climate of the times.”

That caught my attention. I wonder what on Earth it could mean? Anyway, it sounds VEEEEERY interesting...and I want to know. Damnit.


“Stop it. If you’re going to cry, go to your room. I don’t want to hear it.”

Oh snap. Her mother must have been quite the biatch.


I doubted it.

Like a lot of things.

Very nice and crisp, to the point. Just what I like.

Again, the jealousy inside Skye is portrayed incredibly well in this chapter. You can feel how much she hates Katherine for being so friendly with her father while she slips into the shadows. Brilliant. Her release in her photography is also very good. I must say I am very impressed with this chapter, emotion wise. It is rare that first person really works, but it does here. Well done. *gives Micheal plushie*

All in all, very very nice. I await your next chapter...

*bad attempt at being mysterious* o_o I'll leave now.

-;157;

Quackerdrill
26th March 2006, 7:16 AM
Heeeeeeeey Typhie! Sorry I haven't been on enough to check replies, odd week... but yeah- thanks for reading! Don't even start worrying about being late, it just adds more stress for ya. And that's no good. ^_^

BUT anyhoo, glad you liked the last chapter and extra dealie. Yes, jelousy- also, Iceking was bugging me about "rushing through character relations". o_O;; So that too. The whole deal with the woman a looong time ago will be adressed a little bit more next chapter, so there will be less blurry of a view. Kinda like windshield wipers.... for writing.... er... something. bleh. I'm tired.

And I await your next appearance... *dons a fedora to look suspicious* XD *slips Typhie some awesome cookiemuffinbrownies*

CHAPTER PROGRESS (Just in case this has any meaning in your daily life >_<): Chapter is done, just going through extra precautions to make it error-free. woo! Be here by... end o' teh month. Ciao!

EDIT: 800 views! Getting up there, huh?

Quackerdrill
3rd April 2006, 12:21 AM
It probably isn't error free but it's here... late, but here... bleeehh. Note to self- don't work yourelf ragged on the school musical and expect to come home and write. XD Note to peoples: Enjoy chapter 4. yaaaaaaa!
(And guys, it is five pages. This better be long enough for ya, or I'm going to implode! XDDD)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 4: Reflections

Those bells…

They symbolize the life of all but the death of one. That tower stood high above the town and was the climax and center of the area. Its visage was heavenly; a tall, powerful presence made even more profound by the sound of those two clanging instruments inside it. Those bells… the thought made the Moltres shiver.

Its memories were deep enough that it could taste the courage in the woman’s eyes as she stood behind that pedestal in front of a sea of her peers. How such a trial of major proportions could not shake her sturdy foundation said a lot about her character. But every person has their fault. Those eyes could not remain fearless and that firm grip on reality could easily slip; the ominous presence of that immense obelisk that was the bell tower was not helping. It became an embodiment of the sheer seriousness of the situation.

Now there was pressure.

Now there was heat.

Visible, palpable heat that could be seen in the fierce eyes of the prosecutor and in the wispy flame the woman saw on the very top of the tower. The Moltres knew why the woman cracked. It saw her fervor dissolve at the sight of its own blazing plumage.

It was the final nail in the coffin of the woman’s sanity.

***

I took a deep breath and readied myself to leave. Looking up at the sky I could see that the rain had momentarily stopped; a good thing due to the lack of cover through town. Yes, I was actually going to go down to that bell tower just to find out what some girl’s problem was… a questionable reason, that’s for sure, but there was not enough time in a life to continue questioning something that could never be answered. The human mind was whacked. I was living proof, standing there with a half-smile and a desire to slap the person who I apparently wanted to help deep inside.

I grabbed my dark tan messenger bag, a common accessory on my travels, which was sitting on the floor near the door. It had my camera in it, still a little wet from my excursion out to the pond, and a multitude of other handy objects for the ‘just-in-case’ times. Though Tyreville was less about surviving than it was about being ready for surprises.

For a small town, Tyreville had its share of interesting history and life. My father often referred to it as “the Last True Living City in Johto”. He said that this meant that all of the other cities were so modernized and drug down under the veil of technology and skyscrapers that they had lost their life, their community of living and breathing people and creatures. Even the wealth of history found in Azalea Town, according to him, was too bogged with tourist attractions nearby to make it truly living. Though that is definitely not what I saw when I saw the Burnt Tower for the first time.

When one walks down the streets of Tyreville, it definitely seems like it is breathing alongside you. There are the traditional street vendors hawking their wares and the children running by with flags or other toys and such. I myself have memories of happily dashing with a new toy in my hand, just enjoying youth and the warmer rain of summer… But it never lasted for very long. So neither did my recollections.

My bag by my side, I took a step outside to the dirt path. The mud had dried into a red concrete and my feet no longer squished into the dirt, which was a nice change. Small, but nice. I walked towards the gate and beside it was a dark brown-rimmed bicycle, trim with rusty metal and a tiny bell in the front. It was probably the oldest thing on the ranch, passed down to me from my father, from his father before him, and presumably much further. An heirloom it might have been but I could not find a better bike to ride. It was well-built and was from an era where quality was all that mattered, none of that style over substance junk. The seat was tattered, but when you rode it suddenly that just did not matter.

I lifted my leg and got myself on the old thing, and after a few minutes of mental and physical preparation (it definitely was not made with nineteen year old girls in mind) and a pesky twist in the chain that had to be dealt with, I finally got a rolling start and began rushing down the thankfully dry trail down to the town.

The rain may have been gone, but there was still that crisp breeze that permeated the thin black windbreaker on my back and surprised me with its chill. Nevertheless, as I pedaled furiously up the greenish-brown hill there was so much of the breeze coming at me that I became accustomed to it and it did not matter anymore. My hair got the brunt of it as well and the half-hour I had spent trying to tame its auburn tatters seemed like time I could have used for other things, like maybe putting on a few more layers. Heh.

Finally I made it into the main drag of town and found myself riding over some cobblestone. I was not going to risk the same popped tire fate as the last time I rode over them, so I stopped my bike and walked it. The inside of the town was slightly different than the view from my ranch would have suggested. It almost appeared to be a flashback to earlier times, with small shops lining the sides and streets only wide enough for the smallest of modern vehicles. The stores had dark windows soaked with a lifetime of rain that made them look older than they really were. Inside one could see baked goods, clothing, maybe some toys and the occasional barbershop. Believe it or not, the town had pretty much everything that a human could want… as long as they didn’t mind some old-fashioned service. Meaning people helping them that could easily be their grandparents. It took some getting used to.

I needed to take a short rest, so I found a bench and leaned my bike against the wall of a bookstore and sat myself down. Leaning back I crossed my arms behind my neck and stretched my legs out. It was not too long of a journey from the ranch to down here, but it was enough to make one’s muscles sore. I had made this trip many times in the past, usually to grab some food from the market or to pick up some new clothes. Then there were always the family trips we would take when I was much younger, usually down to the fountain near the bell tower. We would get some pretzels or cookies at the bakery and spend the day sitting and talking. Well, at least my parents would- I would be too jacked up on sugar and end up falling in the fountain. Dripping wet and sticky from candy… a child’s dream, I swear.

But those days were short, too. My mother’s… departure put a stop to those days of play, as my dad could care less about fun and more about research. So I found other ways to have fun, usually at home. My uncle eventually sent us a Nintendo Entertainment System, and later a Game Boy that taught me what fun was without getting me in a sticky situation. I grew up on them, and I guess you could say the gray box became a substitute mother. After all, it was there when my father wasn’t and it taught me the same basics of life.

I couldn’t help but not take refuge in my youth when I was out here in the middle of town. The old walls and decrepit buildings emanated nostalgia like nothing else. It was as if each wall was a page in a memory book, and were the pictures that threw me back to days long gone. I wished that those days had stayed a little longer than they did. I wished a lot of things could have stayed… longer than they did…

***

It was getting later and later as I continued my trek, and I could now see the tower above the buildings and it was just as wonderful as ever. It had been at least twenty minutes since I had gotten up off of that bench and I was almost ready for another rest. I was not exactly physically fit, having been trained with a controller for most of my life. But the tower was coming into full view as I turned the last corner with my bike in tow.

The bell tower was the symbol of Tyreville, and it was no surprise. It was the tallest building in town and the amazing cross that topped it all off was surely the most beautiful object I had ever seen. Yeah it was pretty ancient and the ‘gifts’ from passing Pidgey over the years had made it more white than wooden brown, but if you were there that rainy night when the clouds were lined in blue and the cross stood in front of it like a single silhouette, I bet you would have thought it was beautiful, too. Er, maybe.

My eyes eventually brought themselves back down to Earth and I saw a girl leaning against the wall looking straight down. Her hood was on. Yeah, who else?

She turned and saw me before I even put my bike down to start moving. Even from the distance I was from her I could see those blue eyes ignite. “Skyyyyee! You went out of your way to come all the way down here? Ho hum, I guess I’m not the crazy one.”

I tried to punch down the boiling anger. I really tried.

I took a breath and walked down to where she stood, near the door to the church beside the tower. I had tied my bike up near a light post.

“Let me get this straight,” I began as I finally reached Kat, “you’re down here… researching… something.”

She grinned and took my hand quickly. She shook it vigorously and flopped it down with apparently little regard to its life. “Congrats, you have a memory! I kinda told you yesterday that I was gonna go down here to finalize this whole mystery.”

“Finalize?”

“Yeah, you know how close we are? Apparently, right here is where it all happened.” Kat gestured up towards the sky and we both looked up at the top of the tower. I could see that this kind of made her dizzy. “Uhhhh, anyways, it was all right here.” She paused and looked back down at me, her eyes giving me that ‘logically frustrated’ look that I assumed she always had. “But you probably don’t even care, do you?”

I was all ready to give her what I had been waiting to give her for a long time. I was ready to pile on the pain and pay her back for all the annoyance she had caused. I was prepared.

“No, I’m interested, continue.” Yeah, I frustrate myself sometimes.

“Really?” Kat’s blonde hair almost caught fire, she was so ecstatic. “Okay, in that case, here’s what we basically have so far…”

Over the next, about say… ten minutes, I was given a briefing (finally) about what my father and her had been discussing. Some major discoveries had been made over this time, and they now knew that the woman in the myth was a reporter for the Tyreville newspaper at the time. They had found that the era was around the early nineteenth century, and the woman had written an article that the government heard about and quickly had to deal with. There was severely limited free speech in the society, so the woman was put under surveillance and eventual trial because of her writing.

Now it would have been an easy thing to shake off the governmental influence at the time, especially due to the fact that the people mostly sided with the woman’s point of view, and there was a sufficient enough amount of people that a revolution was an option- but it all rode on the woman’s trial. If the case was turned to their favor, which was the less likely event, they would be ready to start the attack. But something apparently occured at the trial that kept it form happening, and that something caused the woman to disappear… but what could it have been?

“So you think that there was something in the area of the trial that affected the result?” I asked after Kat had run out of breath explaining.

She swept back her hair (it had blown into her face as she exuberantly told the story with her entire body). “Exactly. I’m here to look around and see if there was some kind of distraction, like a symbol on the wall or something, that kept the woman from telling the story in enough truth that the government wouldn’t find a fault.”

I raised an eyebrow. “The people expected the trial to be easy? Are they nuts?”

“No, you see they had a lot of faith. You know that Tyreville has always been a pretty religious place, and they really thought God would guide them through this and show the pesky government what the truth really was.”

“But they didn’t stop to think about the possibility that they could lose? That completely defies any logic.”

Kat’s smile bubbled back up. “You and your logic, girl… not everything has a reason, ya know. Um, are you going to help me look around this place and scavenge for any clues?”

My sour face gave her her answer. At least it should have.

“Aww, come on, I know you wanna! I know your dad. And you’re his daughter. No mistake!”

I resorted to ignoring her; it was not going to take long for her sweetness to burn my skin.

I tried really hard. I really did.

“Fine, let’s look around I guess,” I said at long last. It would get her out of my hair.

“YAAAAAAAYYYY!” Kat jumped up and her hood flew backwards from the top of her head. She could not have been bubblier, and I could not have been more ready to punch myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sike Saner
3rd April 2006, 1:11 AM
Yep, the quality continues. Fwee. ^^

The opening scene was very nice; lots of very cool language there. I also really enjoyed Skye's description of Tyreville; the way she speaks of it suggests a knowing of the city that is as deep as the way one might know an old friend. It gives you a really good sense of what sort of a place Tyreville is to live in. ^^

Highlights:



I wished that those days had stayed a little longer than they did. I wished a lot of things could have stayed… longer than they did…


...Damn. o_o


Yeah it was pretty ancient and the ‘gifts’ from passing Pidgey over the years had made it more white than wooden brown, but if you were there that rainy night when the clouds were lined in blue and the cross stood in front of it like a single silhouette, I bet you would have thought it was beautiful, too. Er, maybe.


Very nice description. And bonus points for the "'gifts' from passing Pidgey" XPPPP


“Fine, let’s look around I guess,” I said at long last. It would get her out of my hair.

“YAAAAAAAYYYY!” Kat jumped up and her hood flew backwards from the top of her head. She could not have been bubblier, and I could not have been more ready to punch myself.

I literally flinched at Kat's "YAAAAAAAYYYY!" XD And I just love that last sentence. Hell of an awesome closing line for a chapter, too. ^^

Quackerdrill
14th April 2006, 9:00 AM
Heyyyy Sike! *thinks* You need a nickname, don't you? hmmmm.... I'll think of one. Hehehe.

Thanks a heaping ton for the review and I'm glad you came back for more! It's great to see such speed of reply, too... man, I wish I had that kind of dedication, reviewing the day of the post. Gah! For some reason writing this chapter was easy, and that odd comfortable kind of friendly feeling in the description of Tyreville... I had that emotion going when I wrote- I'm glad it translated to the writing! Yay! ^_^

Thanks for the quotes... ohhh man those Pidgey... I think that in a way, it is their own special way of giving gifts. Maybe birds think they're doing us favors by dropping their... ahem. Who knows. XD

Finally.... YAAAAAYYYYY! XD Thanks again, Sike!

Progress Note: Chapter Five? Yeah, it's done. Ready? Heck no, techno. It will take a bit. But will there finally be some action coming? Heck Yes, Texas! Keep watching this thread, yall... I won't dissapoint.

P.S. Thanks to all those awesome-tastic voters who helped Pressure get Best Dramatic Fic, and for voting me Most Underrated Author! COOKIEMUFFINBROWNIES! *tosses wildly, hitting random passerby... (passerbies? passer...byes? Ah, flibbity...)*

billy5772
15th April 2006, 12:11 AM
An interesting chapter, there, qd. Like Sike (rhyme, lol. Watch out, NIGHTs), I too thought it was an interesting expose of the very strong historic ambience that the old buildings and landmarks give the town. And that's very appropriate as the big mystery that the main characters have concerned themselves with has to do with the past. The characterization in this chapter is consistent and enjoyable enough. Yeah, pretty much.

Also, I have some suspicions about Kat's true identity. But I'll keep them to myself. Well, time to party???

:club:

I figure if I keep forcing myself to use that smiley, eventually, I'll stumble upon the situation for which it is appropriate.

IceKing
15th April 2006, 4:59 PM
....

.... Nights=Byzantium now, Billeh. If you even read this message...

I'm sorry for taking so long to review this chapter, laziness...school...life...blah....

If I take long to review in the future, be sure to PM bug me ^^ I'm sorry but I'm just gonna have to give a little quick review. Not much really happened in this chapter, it was a transition chapter I s'pose. I suppose the big thing was the description of Tyrelle or however you spell it. I'm really really sorry, but I think I kinda forgot everything about the woman and her story...could you quickly refresh me? The beginning scene had me interested as most of your beginning scenes do, a good writing strategy to throw a person into the chapter. I keep thinking that woman is somehow Skye's mother... The description of Tyrelle was executed well, and I agree with Sike that it was like describing an old best friend. You really got a feel for the city and its old timey nature, kudos to you! I felt some of the parts were out of place, but I really don't feel like pointing them out XD Like you said, there WERE errors in this chapter, nothing too serious though. I suggest you go back and proofread the chapter though, nothing wrong with random proofreadings! Correct me if I'm wrong, didn't Skye go to the city to see Kat and help her? LIke Billy, I have my suspicions about her and normally would voice them, but like I said, I'm feeling lazy today XD I particularly loved the church description, especially the whole "gifts from Pidgeys" which got a good "HAH" from me. The first person persepective felt kinda different, maybe it's just me or maybe it was beacuse of all the description but I really didn't feel for Skye as an actual human being as much as I should have, until that dang Kat came into the picture of course.

Pretty much all i have to say, have a good Easter! (or "Celebration of Spring")

Saffire Persian
21st April 2006, 5:07 AM
Wow, Kat sure is enthusiastic *could literally feel her excitement in her last statement*. And we are now treading into mystery territory *woot*. Don't see many good mysteries in the fanfic forum. And you definitely have my curiosities raised about the events surrounding the Tyreville journalist. It's very intriguing, and I'm also quite fascinating with the whole "limited free speech" thing. 0_o

And what stopped the trial, I do wonder.

Skye is still hilarious with her narration, and her trying to be rebellious against Kat, but yet giving in to her (Curiosity?). XD. Still, I'd be doing the same thing in my place. Still, I'd want to know what my dad was up to - at least, what he was so obsessed about.

And the first part with Moltres was exciting indeed. I imagine seeing a Legendary could cause one to lose what sanity she had. A question about that sequence though, was that event a part of the Moltres' memories, or was it an event happening currently? I'm guessing the former, but I dunno, the way you phrased it could make it seem otherwise.

Do update soon. ^^

Quackerdrill
7th May 2006, 9:54 PM
Sorry guys, no update yet, but I'll try to keep this alive (for once). School musical has kept my compy time to a bare minimum, so.... yeah. Enough of me.

Billy Man- Exactly. History of town= concern with past events. You nailed it, man. And I tend to remember us talking about your theory about Kat... but I won't give anything away just yet. ^_^ Oh, you and that party smilie.... XD

Icee Man- YAY constructive critisism! Seriously, thanks; I knew there were some problems in here... somewhere. Yeah I get what you mean about the 'out of body' kind of speech Skye had to have during the description. It's just extremely difficult to give the right amount of description and keep in the narrator's tone at the same time! >_< Oh well. The woman and her story; Okay, so basically what you know now is that there was some woman in the late nineteenth century who wrote a newspaper article that questioned the law and got sent to trial for it. Yeah. There's more, but that will have to wait.

Pers: Yes, there are very little mysteries on SPPF! It's what I do- give you guys a few bits and pieces and let you find out next time what they mean. Or something like that. XD That little bit was indeed in the Moltres' memories. Otherwise, the whole balance of the world would shift! Okay, probably not. But you get the picture. Moltres' memories are very important to the plot... remember that!

Thanks guys- hope to have a chapter out as soon as my musical's over. Around the 20th. whooz!