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View Full Version : Whirl Island Quest V.2: UnBEARably Sexy!



IceKing
4th December 2005, 3:03 AM
FINALLY! After nearly six months of hiatus, I am finally bringing back Whirl Island Quest my old fic, which a few of you may remember. I'm hoping this time around I'll do a better job, get more laughs, and hopefully get more readers.

My fic IS indeed an original trainer fic (DON'T LEAVE) but it is not nearly like most other trainer fics. It is very twisted and pokes fun at all the ridiculous elements of a pokemon journey. It is indeed a Comedy Fic (but not like those script fic fart joke comedy fics that we've seen a lot of lately) and there will be different types of humor used. Some humor may be innapropriate for our younger ears, so you're warned.

This fic is rated PG 13 for language (though I'll try and keep it down to a mininum), some instances of sexual innuendo (if you cannot handle that, don't read this fic), and one instance of drug use (not by a human)

Also, this is the biggest warning. This is NOT intended to be a grand fic with beautiful Serpent Syra description (though I do want a good level of description), amazing Mindripper vocabulary, and perfect realism. If you're a super serious reviewer/person, you probably will not like this fic.

One more note, my chapters tend to be a bit on the long side. There going to start out around 18 pages but may get longer... HOWEVER! For those of you, you don't want to read 18 pages non stop I have divided my chapter into parts.

Also, if you read, please review! That would make me feel really nice but if you really don't want to review I'd at least appreciate it if you PMed me and said you read it.

Special thanks to:
Floating Flames:Being a good friend and helping me come up with the title
Serpent Syra:My description adviser and secret closet reader
Breezy:My comedy rival, who inspires me to write
Thyplogirl: My new found comedy rival who inspired this rewrite
Burnt Flower, Riaf, Elemental Charizam, Jirachiman:My faithful reviewers who covinced me to rewrite, especially for Burnt Flower who stuck by me during the rewrite.
Scrap, Deoxys Trainer, Cs32, Dassa: My other permanent reviewers.
GoldenNoctowl77:His fic, Search for Knowledge: A Champions Story, inspired me to write finally write the pokemon fanfiction that was swimming around my head for years. If you like this fic, check out his. It's 1000x better


Enjoy your read (hopefully)!



TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter One:A Typical Beginning (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2438127#post2438127)
Chapter Two:All Aboard the S.S. Mantine! Part One! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2486655#post2486655)
Chapter Two.Five: All Aboard the S.S. Mantine! Part Two! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2581714#post2581714)
Chapter Three: The Goddamn Ship Ride Ends! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=2769927#post2769927)
Chapter Four: The Borefest Officially Begins! (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?p=3011701#post3011701)

IceKing
4th December 2005, 3:05 AM
A/N=This is the first chapter, but things will be A LOT better later on. There is a lot of explaining here so please bear with it because it is neccesary


Chapter One: A Typical Beginning

A fresh sea breeze drifted throughout the many streets of Cianwood, bringing a beautiful day with it after many days of fierce gale and constant downpours. The sun had absorbed most of the remnants of the storm, leaving the path clear for the aspiring travelers in the seaside city. In the top right corner of one of the many identical white houses, a teenage adolescent boy slept uneasily, having the typical original trainer “pokemon master” dream.

Deep within the chambers of his sub-conscious, he found himself at least four hundred miles away in Meltokio, the home to the Whirl Island Pokemon League Tournament. Nearly a thousand adolescents from all corners of the mountainous Johto Region came to the Whirl Islands for a taste of pokemon training and only the greatest ones made it to the final tournament, one of them being Brian Arganaut...

"Congratulations Brian Arganaut! You have overcome all the pokemon trainers of your age group with only seven pokemon at your hands and conquered the Whirl Island Pokemon League!" praised a beautiful middle aged woman with shockingly dark brown eyes.

The immense crowd of over twenty thousand people leaped to their feet and applauded madly, stamping and cheering for the winner of the legendary tournament. The champion named Brian accepted his trophy with glee and thrusted it high above his head, making the seemingly unsurpassable din explode in sound.

He had the clear appearance of a teen in his rising puberty. His deeply tanned face was rife with pink pustules and pimples that blended easily with his shoulder length shaggy red hair, and he towered nearly five feet ten inches high with the build of a runner. With one eye, he noticed how the Champion of Johto, Patricia Gonzales, looked down adoringly at him. Brian couldn’t help but crack a small grin as everything he worked finally drew to close with this moment…

“Oh puh-lease. This is the biggest load of bullcrap I have ever seen since the moon landing!”

Brian turned his head back and forth swiftly, looking for the source of the rather rude comment. The eighty year old tournament coordinator had dozed off several minutes before, and Patricia remained on the spot with an unnaturally gleeful grin still glued on her dull, emotionless face.

“Up here ya freaking moron! Yeesh, if you can’t even find the source of a voice how on Earth did you manage to beat eight drug addicted gym leaders and another eight ******* tournament trainers to get this far?”

To Brian’s horror, a large gaping hole had appeared in the center of his golden trophy and was the one spouting out all the horrid phrases. “Yes! Took you long enough moron!”

“What the heck is going on? Oh God, did Greg stuff coke in my hotel room’s Oust?” Brian mumbled, glaring down at the yapping trophy that he had dropped. The trophy, though only possessing a large mouth, emitted a powerful aura of freshness as it continued to bully Brian.

“Coke? Puh-lease! Greg still snorts pepsi thinking that he is getting high off of the painful burning, sugary sensation in his nose. I can go years about that moron, but instead, let’s focus on you! So, do tell, how does a complete idiotic, retarded, ******* like yourself become the Champion of the Whirl Island Pokemon League? I suppose all of the MTV, hip hop music, and school vending machines are to blame…”

The crowd was still cheering blindly flailing their arms in the air and turning bright purple, serenely unaware of the mentally unstable winner conversing with his trophy. Brian’s bushy eyebrows had shot off into his crimson hair and his mouth hung low, trying to comprehend the insane situation. “What the heck is going on! Trophies don’t talk, I haven’t even gone to the Whirl Islands yet… Wait, this a dream isn’t this?”

“Obviously. Only a dream would be so farfetched as to let you of all people be the winner of any pokemon related thing. I am your sub conscious, and I am here to end this rib cracking dream of yours. You’ve been thinking non stop about your little retarded trip to the Whirl Islands all last week, so of course, I ended up manifesting this little scene without even knowing it. However, as soon as I found out what was going on, I had to put an end to it! I suppose you might make it to the fifth gym, but you’ll NEVER get farther! So why give you--”

“You know? I really hope that you and my self esteem never get together. The results would be really disastrous..”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TALK? NEVER EVER INTERRUPT ME!”

Brian immediately stopped his response and glared down at the malicious trophy below. He never thought how horrible the factions of his brain could be. “Figures, only you would submit to the orders of a partially animate object… Anyway, since this is such a typical start of a pokemon journey, I suppose you're going to get advice from a million people, but let me be the first. Only twenty percent of all pokemon trainers make it to a tournament, the other eighty percent crash and BURN. They burn like little babies after being doused in gasoline and thrown into a furnace! They burn like...a big fire! And you are going to be among the eighty percent because, unlike the other twenty, you do not have your own TV show or fan fiction! And that’s because you’re a complete moron! I do hope you have a rather enjoyi..”

Brian had stopped listening to the mindless droning of his sub conscious and instead focused on a strange shape in the sky. The skies were turning gray and thunder clapped violently as a large bright yellow object hurtled through the air and stopped at the massive silver rim of the stadium. With a bright flash of lightning, the great yellow object revealed itself as a giant floating banana.

“Oh no! The giant floating banana… that means that this whole thing is really just a dream…”

“NO! DON’T WAKE UP! I HAVE YET TO SHOW YOU THE TRUTH!”

The dream world was slowly slipping away from Brian’s sight and blurred away as the face of his sheepish mother came to view. Soon, out of the corner of his eye all he could see was a massive black void with only the bright yellow banana in view, glowing strangely bright as it began to form into something else… It was definitely not a banana…

“WAKE UP!!!”

At last, the boy named Brian snapped back into the painful reality that was his life. He only bore a small resemblance to his dream version; he was barely five foot five while his hair was cropped neatly and acne had yet to sprout on his face. He tried to recall the strange dream he had just had, but it slipped away as quickly as he came. Brian was back in his dull white-walled room while his sheepish mother prodded him with her finger repeatedly, struggling to remain awake herself.

Jolene Arganaut was the mirror image of her son with straight pink hair that fell to her shoulders and a very similar sheepish attitude that she passed down to her son. She belonged to the family of pokemon nurses known as the “Nurse Joys”, that were all unnaturally cheerful and serenely aware of the fact that they all looked exactly alike. However, she was one of the rare occurrences in the bloodline with her own individual personality.

While all of her cousins, sisters, and brother-in-law’s-best-friends-second-cousins-twice-removed-great-aunt’s always managed to keep a cheery positive attitude even if they were in the middle of a desert with a Growlithe chewing away at their leg and someone brutally stabbing them in the chest, Jolene was a pessimistic strong woman who did not take too kindly to idiots and complete morons.

“Ehh, give me another ten minutes Mom. I was up till three on X Box live…” Brian groaned as he sank back under his sheets.

“Do you realize that your little ferry is going to leave in ten minutes?”

“WHAT?” Brian immediately bolted up and turned to face his alarm clock which read ‘8:13 AM.’ “Uhhh, I have another four hours! Today is the day I get out of this house and can go off with Jules and Greg to the Whirl Islands though, right?”

“Yes, so you better get this chapter going before the readers get bored with all the stale unoriginality!” Jolene exclaimed with her impatience growing.

“Chapter?”

“Chapter of your life! Come on Brian how dumb are you! You’re the one who reads Tolstoy for fun!”

“But what about the whole reader thing?”

She ignored him and pointed to the bedroom door, with a furious demanding look on her face. Brian sighed and got out of his bed, grabbing the clothes left stashed on top of his drawer and headed to his bathroom at last. As soon as he slammed the door behind him, Jolene immediately slumped to the floor and fell asleep.

Before long, Brian found himself in the shower, musing over his future adventures as he began to return from his sleepy state. Nearly twelve years ago, a bill that was passing through the Grand Council of the Kanto-Johto land for many years finally came into action. The rules of underage pokemon training were completely rewritten, and the age of the handing out of pokemon licenses was raised from ten to eighteen! The basis of this great change was the fact of many injuries and pokemon negligence occurred from giving children that haven’t even reached maturity the responsibilities that came with training pokemon.

Of course, there was great backlash and great support to this change. Famous and retired pokemon trainers were enraged over the government would change a tradition that lasted for thousands of years while soccer mothers were jubilant to know that their children would no longer receive bites from Rattata, bruises from Nidoran, and bloody decapitations from Scyther. After five years of intense debating and protesting, the leader of the Elite Four, Lance Sun, and the Grand Pokemon Champion, Patricia Gonzales, had managed to create an adolescent pokemon league in the Sevii Islands for thirteen year olds from Kanto and in the Whirl Islands for thirteen year olds from Johto.

This league would have eight gyms like the other pokemon leagues, two on each main island. However, they were not nearly as difficult as the main land gyms and were supposed to have their own individual twists. Once one gained eight badges, he or she would be able to progress to a final tournament which determined who trained their pokemon the best that year. Then they'd return home and keep the pokemon, or send it to the nearest professor until they turned eighteen.

In addition to the mini pokemon league, the true pokemon tournament of the Whirl Islands would be taking place this year. It was known as the “Whirl Cup”, a water pokemon tournament held every three years in the main island, Red Rock Isle. Powerful water pokemon trainers from all corners of the globe would be coming to battle for the great title of “Water Pokemon Alpha Omega.”

After he stopped thinking his long typical boring thoughts, he finally went downstairs after neatly tucking in his shirt and combing his thin red hair to one side. At the foot of the stairs, he was greeted with the sweet aroma of the saturated fat of bubbling bacon and the warm smile of his pokemon, Sunkern.

Back when Brian was but a wee little girly man, he found himself spending his spare time playing in the little patch of woods far back in Cianwood City. When he was eight, he came across a small, green striped yellow seed pokemon no bigger than soccer ball being attacked brutally by a small bird pokemon, Pidgey. Being the little indifferent child he was, Brian simply walked on, but after hearing the pitiful cries of the defenseless pokemon that was nearing death and looking straight into her shockingly adorable black eyes, all innocence fell, and the Pidgey soon paid with a flurry of stones.

It was typical clichéd start to a new friendship, Sunkern and Brian soon became inseparable after Brian brought the severely wounded plant pokemon to his mother’s PokeCenter to be healed. Six years later, the two’s friendship remained strong as ever and Sunkern defied the taunts of all RMTers by becoming an above average battler. Her hard shell proved to be a bit of a pain in her powerful tackle, and her special ability of absorbing enemies health was improved greatly after years of practice again Rattata.

“Hey Sunkern! Get a good nights sleep? Tis time for action buddy!” Brian muttered in a condescending voice, as if the pokemon was still a baby. Sunkern smiled sweetly as usual and leaped on to her trainer’s right shoulder as they walked into the dining room to grab a bite of breakfast.

Inside the dining room was not only Brian’s mother, Jolene, who was slowly eating a bowl of Total cereal, cringing every time she swallowed, but also his two greatest non-pokemon friends since Kindergarten, Greg and Julie. They were polar opposite fraternal twins who shared the same dirty blonde hair and large seafoam eyes.

“BRIAN! Ready go to the Whirl Islands?“ Brian’s female friend screeched as she leaped from her eggs and wrapped her arms tightly around the flustered boy, who weakly returned the hug.

Julie was a practical and sagacious teenage girl, who boasted being the only thirteen year old in Cianwood being under five feet after her brother, Greg’s, growth spurt. Though she was an optimistic and cheerful girl the majority of the time, she was prone to violence, and despite her small stature, could easily knock out several Donphans in of her notorious tantrums.

“Ok! One-two-three LET HER GO BRIAN!” Greg roared angrily.

Julie must have inherited all the family shrewdness because Greg was one of the greatest loveable morons to ever walk the streets of Cianwood city. He wasn’t too intelligent or strategic, but he was built pretty nicely since he spent most of his free time working out to look good for the ladies. Shortly after receiving his first stirrings, Greg soon became nefarious throughout all of town for being an extremely terrible flirt. Any pretty girl he sees, he would immediately jump in and begin complimenting her and then suggesting things leading to a nice kick where it hurts.

As soon as Brian released his hold of Julie (it was truly the other way around), Greg began to gorge on his plate of bacon once more with his right hand while he fixed his spiked blonde hair with the reflection on his spoon with his other hand. The two friends shrugged at each other at Greg’s typical strange behavior and sat back in the table.

“Hi Brian, Greg and Julie got here a few minutes before, have some eggs and bac…err toast,” Jolene said cheerfully, staring at Greg with a bit of anxiety as he took the last of the nearly twenty pieces of bacon for himself.

“Where’s Slowpoke and Machop?” Brian asked the twins, who immediately responded by pointing to the room across from them. There in the kitchen were the two pokemon that belonged to his best friends: Machop and Slowpoke, eating their own meals.

Slowpoke was a hefty bright pink water bear pokemon with a two foot tail ending with a white band. Though he sounded like a pretty fierce and formidable opponent, he was actually one of the dumbest and worst pokemon to own. He had very little will to move his chunky legs and spent his spare time staring blankly into air for long periods, with his large mouth gaping wide open.

Many people wondered how Greg got stuck with such an incredibly incompetent pokemon that mirrored him so well. It all started when the poor idiotic boy was only seven years old and went with his family to the Whirl Islands to see the legendary Whirl Cup tournament. There he saw a beautiful water pokemon trainer by the name of “Misty” and immediately fell in love with her and wanted to be a water pokemon trainer just like her when he grew up. Julie claims that Greg’s love for Misty is still alive and flaring. Ever since that Whirl Cup, Greg had become the world’s biggest and worst flirt at the mere age of seven!

Unfortunately for him, his Great Aunt Matilda, who knew very little about pokemon, heard about little Gregory’s dream of being a water pokemon trainer and bought him the second cheapest water pokemon she could find for his eight birthday, a newly born Slowpoke that was abandoned by its parents. From that day onwards, the two morons were stuck together, both sharing a strong dislike for each other. Mrs. and Mr. Carson refused to buy another pokemon and said that if Greg can't raise one of the hardest pokemon to raise properly, then he could never be a true pokemon trainer. Clearly, he wasn't a true pokemon tranier.

Machop was a much more competent pokemon that Slowpoke. Machop was a pokemon that sort of resembled a five year old kid—on steroids. He was completely grayish with a small tail and three fin like features on top of his head. He looked small and scrawny, but he could lift Greg in one hand and Julie on the other! The origins of Machop were similarly interesting, for he was actually originally intended for Brian.

Brian was born into the Arganauts, the biggest family of Fighting Pokemon trainers in all of Johto. His father, Marcus Arganaut, was a traveling fighting trainer and often gave lessons at dojos and schools about fighting pokemon. His younger brother Chuck had become the gym leader of the Cianwood City gym while his older brother Bruno received the highest honors and gained the second highest position in the Elite Four.

Being born into a family of fighting pokemon trainers, Brian was also expected to carry out the legacy, but instead shocked his entire family with the revelation that he would keep his Sunkern as his main pokemon, rather than the specially bred Machop his father had bought for him. Under Johto Pokemon Law 17-A, a child under the legal age of pokemon trainer could only possess one pokemon, though the family could still own a pokemon that would be intended for the child later on. However, Jolene refused to take in another pokemon in her house; it was already tough enough taking care of the three pokemon that already resided in her home, and Marcus couldn’t take the Machop himself because then the pokemon would have no contact with Brian, defeating the purpose of Brian having his own fighting pokemon, so they ended up giving it to Brian’s good friend Julie, who was the only one without a pokemon at the time.

“Brian? Brian? BRIAN STOP LOOKING AT THE POKEMON AND EAT ALREADY!” Jolene hollered, snapping her son back into reality.

“Huh? Oh sorry,” Brian shrugged and started eating some eggs and toast himself while his Sunkern went to eat his good old sunlight with his pokemon friends. Everyone ate in silence for a few minute before Brian finally started a conversation . “I had the craziest dream this night. Where I--”

“Oh Brian honey, have you been having those dreams about the crazy clown chasing you on a giant Butterfree with a pair of sewing scissors again?” Jolene asked with a look of dear concern on her face as her son’s face turned bright purple and the twin’s faces looked up rather eagerly.

“Mom…please don’t talk about that! No it was actually about--”

“Oh! I know! It was the Skitty gouging you eyes out! You should have heard him scream; I could have sworn I had a daughter!”

Greg and Julie grew steadily more and more purple as they struggled to hold in their laughter, even Sunkern was screwing her eyes tight and looked as if she was hiccupping. Brian decided to abandon the subject and went back to eating his toast, praying with all his might that his mother would not continue the subject of dreams. Jolene saw the look of deep embarrassment on her son’s face and was determined to mend her mistake.

“Oh but it’s not like Brian only has nightmares all night long! He has all sorts of dreams. You should have heard him in the nights after we went to Goldenrod City and saw the gym leader Whitney!” Jolene cried with glee, looking intently at the twins. Brian dropped his egg filled spoon immediately and began to twitch madly. The two twins looked up eagerly, knowing they struck gold at their best friend’s expense.

“Oh really Mrs. Thomas? What exactly did my good buddy Brian say about that red head gym leader?” Greg asked the clueless mother, while secretly giving the magenta-faced Brian a “you go girl!” eye.

“Hmm, I’m not exactly sure what all he was saying, but I remember him going ‘I love you Whitney!’ and then ‘Your so hawt!!!’ and then for some reason, he started mooing…”

By the time Mrs. Arganaut started imitating Brian’s alleged mooing, Greg and Julie could no longer hold in their amusement and let out a huge myrrh of laughter that brought tears to their eyes and shook the kitchen table rather violently as they struck it fiercely with their fists. Jolene gave her son a big thumbs up, still under the disillusion she redeemed herself, while he slowly banged his head against the kitchen table, in hopes that his brain would come loose, freeing him from the hell that was his mother‘s love.

After finishing the ruckus that was breakfast, the trio gathered their pokemon and was ready to leave the house and go and visit the gym leader Chuck, who supposedly had a surprise for their journey. Unfortunately, the two greatest idiots in the group ran across some problems trying to leave the house.

“COME ON YOU STUPID LUMMOX GET YOUR FAT BEHIND OFF THE FLOOR AND GET A MOVE ON IT!” Greg screeched as he repeatedly kicked the bear pokemon in its side, trying to get the dimwitted pokemon out of his usual nine o clock daydream. “AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN EAT YOUR REMORAID AND BITS! GAAH YOU STUPID POKEMON!” Greg grabbed a handful of the food in Slowpoke’s bowl and shoved it inside the water pokemon’s wide gaping mouth before storming out in a fit of rage.

When Greg was out of sight, and Brian, Julie, and their pokemon looked at each other awkwardly, Slowpoke finally began slowly munching his food and started to drag his legs slowly toward the door. There was positively no way to understand what went on in that eccentric pokemon’s large head. At last, the three had finally escaped the house (after much hugs and kisses to Brian from his mother) and were on their way to Brian’s uncle, Chuck’s, gym.


PART;191; TWO

As soon as the trio was about three blocks away from Brian’s home, Greg immediately stopped Brian by his shoulder and pulled his neatly tucked shirt out of his pants and messed up his neatly combed hair to give him a somewhat rugged look. “BRIAN! STOP LOOKING LIKE SUCH A FREAKING NERD! How are you going to get them hos looking like some mini lawyer?”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HO?” Julie screeched, grasping Greg tightly by the throat and pinning him up against the nearest house, her seafoam eyes vibrating madly. Brian stared at the two uncomfortably while gently trying to fix his hair. The same argument had happened between the three for a while on where Brian should fit in the social spectrum.

Greg fit with the “stupid pretty boy” group, Julie fit with the “feminist intelligent female” group, but Brian didn’t really fit anywhere! He was definitely a smart one and a black belt in karate (though he didn’t want to raise fighting pokemon, that didn’t mean he wasn’t a formidable opponent). From his very origins in middle school, Brian had never really gone to any groups and just stuck with having Greg and Julie and best friends and several other friends from all different parts of the social spectrum. Basically, he managed to retain his Elementary mindset of open friendship, setting him apart from thousands of other teenagers all over Johto.

“Brian, you’re perfectly fine the way you are. If you ever be like Greg, I promise that I will kill you. Slowly and painfully,” Julie smiled cheerfully, after throwing Greg down on the pavement. Brian stuttered, at loss for words when Greg struggled to stand and began speaking.

“Oh puh-lease, are you trying to make Brian a girly man whose going to grow up to be a ‘stapistics analist’ who never got a woman and has to end up getting a mail-order wife from Bolivia! Hmm, then again, some Bolivian women are pretty hot…”

“SHUT UP GREG! Brian, take it from a woman, plenty of girls are a lot more interested than you than my dearest brother! In fact, I remember some girls even said they had a bit of a crush on you!” Julie declared with a rather excessive broad grin. At her last statement, Greg’s mouth fell down, and Brian’s eyes grew rather large.

“Really? Who liked me?” Brian asked curiously, attempting with all his might to hide his glee. At this question, Julie’s eyes began to widen, and she began to flush a rather light shade of pink as she slowly twisted the ends of her long blonde hair trying to think of a quick response.

“Errm, it was that one Ma..no she…well…actually…that Hoenn…you know what? We really need to go to the Cianwood Gym! It’s already 9:30 and who knows how long Chuck wants us? Let’s go off to our adventures!” Julie gave her legendary bright smile and skipped on ahead while the guys just shrugged at each other.

“Sunkern Sunkern (Has it occurred to you that humans can be very strange)?” the seed pokemon asked Julie’s Machop in utter confusion at the events that just followed.

“Machop Chop Chop (That’s because they’re brainses aren’t nearly as developed as us pokemon’ses brainses)!”the fighting pokemon said in response.

“Slowpoke poke poke (I like tater tots)…”

The rest of the fifteen minute walk to the gym was done in silence, the situation that was started by Greg left them all feeling awkward and Greg wondering what it would be like to have a Bolivian wife…

Finally, they arrived at the most famous building of Cianwood City, the Cianwood Fighting Gym. On the outside, it was a great clash of Japanese architecture and beautifully positioned arches forming a great one story building that released the powerful aura of mysticism. Several beautiful wood chimes hung from the door archway and swayed softly in the breeze, and situated above it was a wooden carving of a giant flaming fist.

When they entered inside, the mystic feel had not gone away quite yet. The wooden ceiling arched high above, looking so fragile yet intricate as if a single ember would make the whole thing burst into flames and cause the whole gym to collapse. The floor was smooth and shiny, except for the rocky battlefield in the very center. The light ninja battle tune that came from the hidden speakers was easily heard as the gym was nearly empty, except for the motherly figure that was trekking from across the field to meet the children.

Her name was Sarah Arganaut, the wife of the gym leader Chuck Arganaut, and she was the world’s most caring woman, always baking the children her famous cookies and always assisting the community and volunteering since she didn’t have a job. She was a very beautiful woman with a cascade of straight black hair and sparkling blue eyes, and her beauty was only intensified in the kimonos she fashioned.

“Hello children…or should I say teenagers. Ho ho…that was funny, I called you guys teenagers since you guys are now going to…errm, anyway, Chuck is waiting in his office for you! If you look closely, you‘ll see that Atkins diet I ordered for him is finally working!” Sarah told the kids, pointing to a room crammed all the way back in the corner.

“Do you have any cookies Mrs. Arga--AH AH AH! NEVER MIND!” Greg started before Julie started to twist his ear painfully dragging him off to Chuck’s office. Sarah didn’t know what to say and just went off to kitchen while the children finally went to see Chuck.

Unlike most offices which consisted of a chairs, a big desk, and a few plants and paintings, Chuck’s office was full of different weight lifting stations from bench presses to squats to treadmills, even though there were two other weight lifting rooms in the gym. Machop looked nervously at the punching bag, getting the strong urge to practice his punching skills. In the very corner, there was a small work desk with a computer and phone attached. Chuck was at the desk, wearing his unusually thick glasses and filling out complicated looking forms rather quickly. He looked up at the adolescents who immediately jumped back at the bespectacled Chuck.

“Hello Mr. Arganaut! Can Machop use the punching bag please? He didn’t get his normal five days of training at your gym this week,” Julie asked, pointing at her jittery pokemon.

“Oh hey kids! Call me Chuck Julie! And of course Machop can use my weights. Errm, you three have a seat…I’m going to get something!” Chuck mumbled quickly as he tore off his glasses and stormed out of the room. Machop immediately went off to the punching bag and began assaulting it. The trio looked around for something they could use as a seat since there was no room for chairs. They ended up sharing one of the bench press benches before Chuck returned carrying a small box with him.

Chuck was like a second father to Brian since his own father was constantly away on work and always taught him important lessons and even was his sensei when he was training in Karate. He was a very powerful but clumsy man with a prominent split moustache. Though his arms and legs were built powerfully and he had the built of a wrestler, Chuck was quite the chubby one, though his diet was having some effect.

He placed the box down and began to rummage through the box before pulling out a tiny electronic device only the size of a cellular phone. It was bright red and had a clear screen in the center with several buttons below it and a tiny stylus to go with it. Chuck pressed a tiny, barely visible button on the back of the strange device, and a voice suddenly boomed out of it.

“HELLO USER. I AM THE I-POKEDEX MINI! I SERVE AS AN ELECTRONIC POKEMON ENCYLOPEDIA THAT WILL GIVE YOU ALL SORTS OF INFORMATION ABOUT A POKEMON! PLEASE STATE YOUR NAME AND GENDER!”

The trio raised their eyebrows at the abilities of this tiny device and didn’t know what to say. Suddenly, Chuck ran toward them and shoved the “I-Poke” in front of Greg’s mouth. Greg did not know what to do and leaned back, as if the machine was a slimy Weedle. “Psst…state your name and gender!” Chuck hissed from behind the I-Poke Mini.

“Umm Greg Carson, Female…NO MALE MALE MALE!”

“HELLO MRS. UMMGREG CARSON! PLEASE GO TO MY SETTINGS SCREEN TO CHANGE MY SETTINGS.”

“This is the newest innovation in the Pokedex line! Last year we had the I-Poke which could fit in your smallest pockets and had nearly five hundred skins and could hold information on 400 pokemon! But this year, we have the I-Poke Mini which can fit neatly in the lining of your underwear and has a thousand skins and can hold information on 5000 pokemon!” Chuck announced in a strangely monotone and rehearsed voice.

“Umm Uncle Chuck, who would want to keep their Poke in their undergarments?” Brian asked with a look of deep confusion at the I-Poke Mini.

“And last time I checked, Chuck, there was only three hundred eighty pokemon, not five thousand?” Julie muttered, holding back her annoyance at the idiocy of this so called technology innovation.

“That thing is so easy to lose! I’d end up putting it in my laundry!” Greg cried.

“QUITE! THIS IS A TECHNOLOGICAL INNOVATION!” Chuck screamed, taking everyone by surprise. His crimson face soon returned to normal, looking rather embarrassed for his previous outburst. “Err, so anyway the I-Poke Mini was presented at the Spring Gym Leader conference, and I said I knew two very responsible adolescents who were about to go to the Pokemon League on the Whirl Islands and a third adolescent who could receive a prototype to see if the more slower children could easily operate the device. So, instead of that obsolete I-Poke, you three shall receive the I-Poke Mini as prototype testers! Let me demonstrate on your Machop, Julie!”

Chuck pointed Urrgreg’s I-Poke at Machop and pressed a red button, causing the tiny bulb at the tip of the device to glow brightly and pause for a few seconds.

“MACHOP-THE FIGHTING POKEMON. THIS POKEMON IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL PREVOLVED POKEMON AND IS CAPABLE OF LIFTING ONE HUNDRED TIMES THEIR OWN WEIGHT. THIS ONE IS CURRENTLY AT LEVEL 15 AND KNOWS LOW KICK, KARATE CHOP, FOCUS ENERGY, AND LEER!”

“Great! One down….four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine more pokemon to go!” Greg exclaimed sarcastically, causing Chuck to scowl and point the I-Poke at Slowpoke as well.

“SLOWPOKE- THE WATER/PSYCHIC POKEMON. THIS POKEMON IS ONE OF THE MOST DIMWITTED POKEMON AND EXTREMELY INRESPONSIVE. IT TAKES A VERY SKILLED TRAINER TO BRING OUT ITS HIDDEN POWER. THIS ONE IS CURRENTLY AT LEVEL 5 AND KNOWS WATER GUN, CURSE, AND TACKLE!”

Brian and Julie immediately guffawed at Greg’s humiliation before Chuck pointed the I-Poke at Sunkern.

“SUNKERN- THE GRASS POKEMON. THIS POKEMON IS VERY FRAGILE AND EASILY DEFEATED. ITS PRIMARY WAY OF ATTACKING ITS OPPONENT IS BY ABSORBING ITS ENERGY. THIS ONE IS CURRENTLY AT LEVEL 16 AND KNOWS ABSORB, MEGA DRAIN, AND GROWTH!”

“Pssh, very fragile and easily developed? Not my Sunkern! We’ll prove that stupid I-Poke wrong, right Sunkern?” Brian asked his grass pokemon, giving her a hard slap in the back. Sunkern was immediately shot into the air from the bench, struck Chuck’s hard desk rather fiercely, and slid down to lay face down in the dirty carpeted floor.

“Sunkern kern kern (Why didn’t you just get a shiny Larvitar like everybody else)…”

“I’ve got cookies! And Miltank jerky for my Atkins man!” Sarah exclaimed as she walked right in the room carrying a plate of food, before they people in the room could commence to laugh at Sunkern and Brian. The trio was more than happy to take the cookies while Chuck politely refused the Miltank jerkey, not being able to take another bite of meat. “I see Chuck has given you the I-Pokes! Are they, as you kids say, totally
rad!”

The three immediately stopped half way through their cookies and looked up at the horrifying site of a middle age woman saying an extinct teenage phrase. After several seconds of silence, Greg was the one who finally broke the silence. “Dude, that like totally died out around the Middle Ages, fo’shizzle!”

“Tell me Mrs. Sarah, can you name five thousand pokemon?” Brian asked the totally rad woman. Julie nodded vigorously in agreement while Chuck let out a groan of exasperation.

“Umm, I can do this! I got an A- in Pokemon Studies! Umm Caterpie, Sunkern, uuhhh Poliwrath, ummm Wobbuffet, Jynx….” Sarah began to recite, with her eyes screwed tight in concentration as she attempted to recall the names of all five thousand pokemon. Brian and Julie looked at each other nervously; they didn’t think she’d actually try.

She continued on naming random pokemon names for another five minutes before Chuck whispered to them quietly that it was best they went off and wished them good luck on their pokemon journey, giving them all individual hugs and handing them their I-pokes, while Sarah still managed to recite random pokemon names, completely indifferent to what happened around her.

As soon as they got out of the office, they broke out in a sprint to get away from the two very strange adults and there magical technology.

“That was weird… But hey, I suppose it’s not bad to get these I-Poke Minis for free. Normally, you have to pay a hundred dollars for one!” Julie commented as she looked at her new I-Poke Mini and showed it to her Machop as well.

“Hmmph, I’ll show that stupid voice! I am an extremely skilled trainer, and my Slowpoke will be the most powerful thing in the history of the world! Even more powerful than that Misty’s Corsola…oh Misty how much I’d love for you too…errm give me advice on water pokemon training!” Greg rambled on, before being rudely snapped back to reality by the greedy looks on his best friend and sister’s face at the hint that he truly still did love Misty.

“Hey Julie, Greg and I definitely know what we’re going to do. Greg is going to compete in the Whirl Cup, if he even manages to catch another water pokemon, and I’m going to get those badges and compete in the end of the year tournament. You decided yet?” Brian asked.

Julie did not answer immediately, instead she paused for a moment and was deep in thought as reflected by the strange glimmer in her seafoam eyes as she tied her long hair in a ponytail. “Well, I do love an occasional battle but don’t want to spend my entire year just training my pokemon for battle! Maybe I’ll go and see what pokemon occupation I want to do when I grow up…and perhaps train my pokemon to beat that awful Sally!”

She made a rather ugly face at the word Sally, for Sally was one of the Pecunia Triplets. The Pecunians were a very rich family with a giant mansion in the far end of Cianwood as well as a sea cabin. They had a set of triplets containing three snobby daughters: Sally, Grace, and Jean. They always wore fancy dresses and bragged about their surplus of material things in school. Sally and Julie were horrible enemies ever since Kindergarten, but that story is for another time…

Brian and Greg chuckled at her last statement and the three decided to head back to their own homes, get their stuff, and meet back up in the Cianwood Port to wait for the Ferry to come at last. After a few blocks, they parted ways. Brian looked around him and for the first time in a while he appreciated the beauty of his city that he would be separated from for an entire year.

Over to the far right was a giant beach that stretched all through out the shore with many ferries, fisherman, swimmers, and just people having fun at the beach. At the other side was a large city with beautiful white houses and a pokemon center. The entire city consisted of fifty streets and over one thousand houses. The sun always shined brightly overhead the city and the air was always salty with the taste of the Johto Sea; it truly was a spectacular place, but Brian anticipated even more the beautiful conditions and streets of the Whirl Islands that he waited nearly thirteen years for.

Upon reaching his home, he saw his mother waiting patiently on the porch with Brian’s packed travel pack hanging limply at her side. Besides her was a large praying mantis pokemon with large scythes for arms, a Scyther known as “Slissy”. Jolene’s normally peachy and bright face was wet with the stains of tears. Because Marcus Arganaut was always gone in work, her son was all she had and now he would be gone too. They looked at each other silently for a few minutes before Jolene finally cracked and leaped to wrap her arms around her son and planting fierce kisses on his cheeks.

“Oh Son! I’m going to miss you so much! Even though it is only a year, I’m still going to miss you so badly! I have your bag packed with all necessary things you need, including ten sticks of Old Spice deodorant!”

“You got me Old Spice deodorant mother? Wow Mom, you really do care about me!” Brian interrupted.

“Yes, Old Spice deodorant is made with a powerful substance that has the force to eliminate and prevent powerful odors of the sweat gland; even a Muk will smell good with a nice application of Old Spice!”

“So, if a mother truly cares about her Son, she will buy him Old Spice deodorant?”

“Yes, because those cheap mothers who buy the one dollar store brand crap are also the tramps with seven crack addicted babies you see living in trailers in Alabama! So, unless you want to be a trashy woman living in a trailer with seven crack addicted babies, hurry up to your nearest drug store and pick up as many Old Spice deodorants as you can for the low price of 3.99!” Jolene exclaimed, pulling a stick of Old Spice deodorant from her pocket turning around and giving a strangely wide grin to the air in front of her.

“Scyther Scyther Scythe (What the heck was that! Humans…)” Slissy commented as she watched the two humans acting very strangely from her hedge cutting.

“Anyways, if you need anything, be sure to call me! Remember PokeCenters offer free meals, so don’t be a Pecunia and save your money! Oh, Sunkern you be a good plant and protect Brian,” Mrs. Thomas mumbled with tears pouring down her cheeks.

“Mom…”

“OH SON!”

She gave Brian a rib cracking hug and splattered his face with kisses again as he put on his pack. Sunkern was screwing her eyes tightly, attempting for the one too manieth time to control her laughter.

“I’ll miss you too Mom, but can you please loosen your grip,” Brian struggled to say. Slissy, who was about as close to Brian as Sunkern, turned away and crossed her scythes with a few tears growing in her eyes. “Oh Slissy! You know I’ll miss you the most!”

The bug pokemon turned back smiling and raised her scythes in preparation for an enormous hug. “AHHHHHH!” Brian screamed as he ran as fast as he could away from the sharp scythes and toward the port nearly toppling Sunkern off of his shoulder.

When he finally reached the port, he found Greg and Julie already waiting there along with about fifty other adolescents and their pokemon waiting impatiently for the ferry to come anytime soon, even though they still had about another hour and a half. As he walked toward his best friends, many people gave him funny looks since he had lipstick plastered all over his cheeks and was panting rather heavily. The trio sat down on the rocks and played several games of Gin Rummy with a few other friends before the ferry finally approached the port.

As the ship finally drew closer, the crowd murmured and gasped in great interest at the ferry. It was nothing like a ferry; it was more like a cruise ship! Within an hour, the ship anchored at the dock and the door opened as a small man with glasses holding a piece of paper came out along with several sailors. They explained the rules and regulations of the expected ship behavior (which even Julie didn’t listen to). More people were focused on the majesty that was the S.S. Mantine! It was nowhere the size of a regular ship but was still rather large and shared the same volume as two houses. The white and black paint shined brightly in the sun and many bulbs decorated the intricate railing that traveled around the perimeter of the boat. They saw a few windows scattered sporadically around the side of the boat and couldn’t wait to see what lay inside the majestic boat.

The small man with the piece of paper began to speak himself. “Alright, get settled down. This boat ride is expected to last four hours on route to Olivine City and then another four hours to the Whirl Islands from there. I will name the names of those who registered to go on this journey in alphabetical order, and when your name is called out, I need you to come to me, show me your ID, and then you may come aboard the S.S. Mantine! Alright….Reddy Alibaster, Brian Arganaut, Lewis Badeyes, Adam Britannia, Greg Carson, Julie Carson, Billy Coors…”

Brian and the twins pulled out their Pokemon IDs, gave each other big grins, and walked toward the ship to a new land, to a new adventure, to a new period in their lives that they would never forget as long as they lived.





...This chapter was brought to you by Old Spice Deodorant and Apple Computers. Remember, if you don't want to be outstyled crack addicted Alabama trailer trash, then use our products!






End Notes: If you want to be a permanent reviewer/reader and want to be contacted when there is a new chapter, please tell me in your review or PM me

xXSaberXx
4th December 2005, 3:44 AM
LOLWUT THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVAR.

No, seriously. This frickin made me laff so EFFING HARD! x33333333 GREG! LUFF! GREG IS LUFF! And Brian is a cutie. o-o I dun like Julie. No no no no.....for some reason...HO WELLS. Tis only the first chapter. We shall see. x3

TIDBITS OF GLORY!



that their children would no longer receive bites from Rattata, bruises from Nidoran, and bloody decapitations from Scyther.


LAWL. Funny.


Back when Brian was but a wee little girly man,

x333333 Wee girly man. WITH PINK DIAPERS!


Oh! I know! It was the Skitty gouging you eyes out! You should have heard him scream; I could have sworn I had a daughter!”

SEX CHANGE. =O



“BRIAN! STOP LOOKING LIKE SUCH A FREAKING NERD! How are you going to get them hos looking like some mini lawyer?”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HO?”


ROFL. Ho just got called a Ho, Bizatch!


...woman and has to end up getting a mail-order wife from Bolivia

I have a substitute teacher like that. >.> Brags about her everytime he comes to class.



“Umm Greg Carson, Female…NO MALE MALE MALE!”

"HELLO MRS. UMMGREG CARSON! PLEASE GO TO MY SETTINGS SCREEN TO CHANGE MY SETTINGS.”

LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLROLFLMAOx2!!!!!!!!! Ummgreg. x3



“Umm Uncle Chuck, who would want to keep their Poke in their undergarments?” Brian asked with a look of deep confusion at the I-Poke Mini.

“And last time I checked, Chuck, there was only three hundred eighty pokemon, not five thousand?” Julie muttered, holding back her annoyance at the idiocy of this so called technology innovation.

“That thing is so easy to lose! I’d end up putting it in my laundry!” Greg cried.

“QUITE! THIS IS A TECHNOLOGICAL INNOVATION!” Chuck screamed.

Haha, and here they were, talking about it as if it was an underwear accesory. xPPPPPPP




“Sunkern kern kern (Why didn’t you just get a shiny Larvitar like everybody else)…”

LMAO.



“Dude, that like totally died out around the Middle Ages, fo’shizzle!”

NO! PLEASE! Not the shizzle! >.<! *runs* x333333



“Yes, because those cheap mothers who buy the one dollar store brand crap are also the tramps with seven crack addicted babies you see living in trailers in Alabama!"

ROLFAMO! ADVERTISMENTS. Like at the movie theater BUT ONLY BETTER. ROFFLE.


x3333333

You make me laff. HAHAHAHAH! *dance* I love this concept. A bunch of raging horomones encased in pimple ridden flesh, running amok on several islands and competing to be the best. Mah dear, you have an instant classic.

x3 LUFFS TO YA! And I will DEFINETLY keep reading this.

SABER! (Your loyal hobo)

Deoxys Trainer
4th December 2005, 7:24 AM
IT'S ABOUT TIME, ICEKING! I've waited so long.... T_T

As always, very awesome!

;386-a;

blackemerald
4th December 2005, 1:52 PM
Now that i've finally managed to stop the flow of laughter coming from my mouth, I can reveiw this now.
Nice description, I could see everything clearly. It's also nice how you gave Brian's mom a different personality insted of following the normal nurse joy persolnality.


and her special ability of absorbing enemies health was improved greatly after years of practice against Rattata.

Your prevoius sentence didn't make any sence. How can you practice again a Rattata?

There was another mistake, but I can't find it now. Oh well, onto the highlights!


“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TALK? NEVER EVER INTERRUPT ME!”

This just made me laugh hard for some reason.Mabye because of what I imagined the trophy to look like..


“HELLO MRS. UMMGREG CARSON! PLEASE GO TO MY SETTINGS SCREEN TO CHANGE MY SETTINGS.”

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. The second sex change. =0


“Yes, because those cheap mothers who buy the one dollar store brand crap are also the tramps with seven crack addicted babies you see living in trailers in Alabama! So, unless you want to be a trashy woman living in a trailer with seven crack addicted babies, hurry up to your nearest drug store and pick up as many Old Spice deodorants as you can for the low price of 3.99!”

Just like those movie avertisments. Oh how I laughed

A very enjoyable first chapter, this story has lots of promise not to just be another journey fic. I will keep my eye on this.

Elemental Charizam
4th December 2005, 3:55 PM
Awright! Definitely an improvement over the old first chapter,and funny as hell. Highlights include:


“Hmm, I’m not exactly sure what all he was saying, but I remember him going ‘I love you Whitney!’ and then ‘Your so hawt!!!’ and then for some reason, he started mooing…”
I knew there was going to be a mention in here somewhere, but this was even funnier than I expected XD


“BRIAN! STOP LOOKING LIKE SUCH A FREAKING NERD! How are you going to get them hos looking like some mini lawyer?”
So random. So Greg.


“Great! One down….four thousand nine hundred and ninety nine more pokemon to go!” Greg exclaimed sarcastically, causing Chuck to scowl and point the I-Poke at Slowpoke as well.
Hah, Chuck's using the I-Poke (great name, BTW) to get back at Greg...


Adam Britannia
And I even get a mention *feelswarm and fuzzy inside* ;P

I saw two errors in the whole thing:


Unfortunately for him, his Great Aunt Matilda, who knew very little about pokemon, heard about little Gregory’s dream of being a water pokemon trainer and bought him the second cheapest water pokemon she could find for his eight pokemon, a newly born Slowpoke that was abandoned by its parents.
Should be 'eigth birthday'


Her name was Sarah Arganaut, the wife of the gym leader Chuck Arganaut, and she was the world’s most caring woman, always baking the children her famous ? and
Her famous what? :p

Overall, 'twas a welxcome return. Despite explanations, it was extremely funny, with plenty of instant classic moments. Your use of description and language is better too, and overall it feels like a more polished piece of writing. Heaven to read, and I laughed like hell. FENNNTTT POWER!

indigestible_wad
4th December 2005, 7:52 PM
as soon as I found out what was going, I had to put an end to it!
Should be "going on"

From that day onwards, the two morons were stuck together, both sharing a strong dislike foreach other.
That should be two words, not one

I can see what people say about your story now. I guess I might be reading this more often. The only thing I have to say right now, because I am too tired to make a good review, is that some of your humor seemed a bit forced. Of couse, that could just be the sleep talking, but oh well.

IceKing
4th December 2005, 9:01 PM
Oh, 5 reviews in half a day, that was nice. Thanks for reviewing ya'll!


LOLWUT THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVAR.

Even better than your fic :P?


No, seriously. This frickin made me laff so EFFING HARD! x33333333 GREG! LUFF! GREG IS LUFF! And Brian is a cutie. o-o I dun like Julie. No no no no.....for some reason...HO WELLS. Tis only the first chapter. We shall see. x3


Trust me, I could only give a scratch of their personalities in chapter one. There going to INTENSIFY in personality soon. And Julie is my favorite charachter, why does everyone dislike her :(


You make me laff. HAHAHAHAH! *dance* I love this concept. A bunch of raging horomones encased in pimple ridden flesh, running amok on several islands and competing to be the best. Mah dear, you have an instant classic.

x3 LUFFS TO YA! And I will DEFINETLY keep reading this.


There not quite hormone raging pimple encased yet but they will be by the end of the journey. Well, I suppose Greg is hormone raging... And Im very glad my first reviewer became my first permanent reviewer! Glad to have you on board Saber, want to be on my contact list?


IT'S ABOUT TIME, ICEKING! I've waited so long.... T_T

As always, very awesome!


Holy crap, I thought you were gone and I didnt expect to see you again! Thanks a million for the review and I'm glad that you did miss it :)


Now that i've finally managed to stop the flow of laughter coming from my mouth, I can reveiw this now.
Nice description, I could see everything clearly. It's also nice how you gave Brian's mom a different personality insted of following the normal nurse joy persolnality.

Nice to know I made you laugh, thats why I write comedy! Originally, his mom had the typical Nurse Joy personality but this whole rewrite was a whole joke about how my original first chapter was so unoriginal.


Your prevoius sentence didn't make any sence. How can you practice against a Rattata?


Hmm, to me that makes sense. Ill check it out with someone else and see if its wrong or not.


A very enjoyable first chapter, this story has lots of promise not to just be another journey fic. I will keep my eye on this.

Glad to know I have another eye on it!


Awright! Definitely an improvement over the old first chapter,and funny as hell.

Hell isn't that funny, its quite depressing.


Overall, 'twas a welxcome return. Despite explanations, it was extremely funny, with plenty of instant classic moments. Your use of description and language is better too, and overall it feels like a more polished piece of writing. Heaven to read, and I laughed like hell. FENNNTTT POWER!

Nice to know you think my writing improved, thats my overall goal


I can see what people say about your story now. I guess I might be reading this more often. The only thing I have to say right now, because I am too tired to make a good review, is that some of your humor seemed a bit forced. Of couse, that could just be the sleep talking, but oh well.


Nice to get a somewhat positive review from one of the more tougher reviewers, glad to know that you'll be reading again as well! Could you please tell me where the humor seemed forced or what types of humor seemed forced? I dont want that to be happening, since I want the jokes to come naturally (which they usually do, they come to mind while in the midst of writing, though I did think of some jokes prehand)



Thanks for the reviews everybody!!!! It seems most of you will be checking back later on, last time I didnt get any permanent reviewers till chapter 5 XD Also, the only thing people said about my original first chapter is they couldn't picture the charachters. Also, will the person who rated my fic a 1 please tell me why you didnt like it? I'm not mad or disgruntled or anything, I just want to know what you disliked about it so that I can improve

Air Dragon
6th December 2005, 2:34 PM
IT'S ABOUT TIME, ICEKING! I've waited so long.... T_T

Ditto! i just finished reading the first version and before i could post kudos to you on one of the funniest fics i've ever read, you stopped writing! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! SIX MONTHS WAS WAAAAAY TOO LONG TO WAIT!
I'm a closet reader, so bear with my posting. i will review over and over again cuz this fic is too funnily awesome to hang up! ya hear? Cool!
In between updating my fic i will pop back in to get my recommended dose of overkill laughter. So pls, please, PLEASE don't stop writing doc!
Later!

Kiyohime
6th December 2005, 7:30 PM
OLD SPICE AND APPLES! FWOOOOOOOOT.

Decapitatons by Scyther. GENIUS. XD I should make a one-shot about something to that effect...LOLLERSKATES.

Your fic needs more attention, no? GET A SPARKLY BANNER. Or a trophy to hit people over the heads with. :>

I eagerly anticipate the chapter with the sex-crazed nurses in the hospital. XD

EDIT: Only just realized the I-Poke were based on iPods. I'm an idiot. x33

Riaf
6th December 2005, 10:34 PM
Lawl.

Greg = Me role model. Fo' shizzle. :D

You added some description to Brian, which is a good thing, cause now I'm gonna rember who he is after 2 weeks of a chapter. :P

I really like your story, IceKing. You make it so interestin' with your geniune comics and...well, Greg. Damn, haven't read a fic since like, August. You got me interest back. GREG. w0rd.

indigestible_wad
7th December 2005, 1:41 AM
I don't know if I would call the humor "forced" as much as just a little too much. Not that I don't like the humor, it's just that it seems like hard slapstick comedy, rather than the easier, dry comedy, which I have no problem with either way. It's just that I see it as a little too much of it in there. I am aware that this is a comedy fic, but for how direct and how much that there is, it just seems a little overkill to me.

But really, that shouldn't change your story or anything, it's just the feeling that I get. I am generally the funniest writer in my class. You do a lot better than I do.

Feity
7th December 2005, 1:45 AM
Very funny. Great job, I liked how retarded Slowpoke is =p

IceKing
7th December 2005, 10:40 PM
Ditto! i just finished reading the first version and before i could post kudos to you on one of the funniest fics i've ever read, you stopped writing! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! SIX MONTHS WAS WAAAAAY TOO LONG TO WAIT!
I'm a closet reader, so bear with my posting. i will review over and over again cuz this fic is too funnily awesome to hang up! ya hear? Cool!
In between updating my fic i will pop back in to get my recommended dose of overkill laughter. So pls, please, PLEASE don't stop writing doc!
Later!

Thanks for reviewing ex-closet reader! Nice to know you enjoyed the old version so much, I hope you'll enjoy this version as well!


OLD SPICE AND APPLES! FWOOOOOOOOT.
Use them or die!


Decapitatons by Scyther. GENIUS. XD I should make a one-shot about something to that effect...LOLLERSKATES.

Your fic needs more attention, no? GET A SPARKLY BANNER. Or a trophy to hit people over the heads with. :>

Seems a lot of people LOVED the decapitations by Scythers lines, and yes that would make a nice funny one shot. A new child ventures off the pokemon world says hi to a Scyther, gets beheaded. I would soooo read that. That would be a nice fic for you to write with Sabers help since thats a nice mixture of comedy and horror!

Oh and BIG THANKS to Scrap for making me this adorable banner! I know if I was an outside reader Id defientely read this fic.


EDIT: Only just realized the I-Poke were based on iPods. I'm an idiot. x33

Nah, I'm and idiot because I thought iPod was spelled I-Pod XD


Greg = Me role model. Fo' shizzle.

You added some description to Brian, which is a good thing, cause now I'm gonna rember who he is after 2 weeks of a chapter. :P

I really like your story, IceKing. You make it so interestin' with your geniune comics and...well, Greg. Damn, haven't read a fic since like, August. You got me interest back. GREG. w0rd.

Good, hopefully Brian will be a lot of memorable as a nerdy boring lawyer guy (props to EC) rather than...that guy. Gregs full potential hasnt quite been released yet...but it will soon! Thanks for reading again Riaf!


I don't know if I would call the humor "forced" as much as just a little too much. Not that I don't like the humor, it's just that it seems like hard slapstick comedy, rather than the easier, dry comedy, which I have no problem with either way. It's just that I see it as a little too much of it in there. I am aware that this is a comedy fic, but for how direct and how much that there is, it just seems a little overkill to me.


Hmm, that's actually what I was worried about when I finished the chapter. I dont want there to be too much humor, I want it to be like a medium done steak. I'm going to be sure to keep your comments in mind for later chapters, except for the pure comic relief ones of course.


Very funny. Great job, I liked how retarded Slowpoke is =p

Thanks for reviewing fierce diety. And slowpoke gets MUCH funnier later on. He's the complete opposite of your hardworking Slowgo.


Thanks for the reviews everyone XD Next chapter will be released sometime the middle of next week and I aim on getting 10 chapters out quickly before February since I completed the first ten chapters in the previous version and I only plan on doing a hardcore revision on three chapters and adding one new chapter in the original first ten. I'm kind of dissapointed at my proofreading skills because I missed a lot of mistakes and most of them came from things I added in last minute. Must everything I write be plagued with errors X_X Thanks for pointing them out guys...you helped out one of my future reviewers, Burnt Flower, who points out EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE. Though I don't think she does that anymore since I permanently released her good side....

FloatingFlames
11th December 2005, 7:39 PM
I've told you before but...


“What the heck is going on? Oh God, did Greg stuff coke in my hotel room’s Oust?” Brian mumbled

INSTANT WIN.

I've only read Part one, so I can't really give you a full, indepth review; I'll just edit in the review for part two when I finish it. Anyways... more quotes!


soccer mothers were jubilant to know that their children would no longer receive bites from Rattata, bruises from Nidoran, and bloody decapitations from Scyther

XFD. Brilliant. Just brilliant.


Back when Brian was but a wee little girly man

I don't know why, but I found that funny too.


“Hmm, I’m not exactly sure what all he was saying, but I remember him going ‘I love you Whitney!’ and then ‘Your so hawt!!!’ and then for some reason, he started mooing…”

Perfect. XD

Anyways, part one was great. I loved the backstory, and most of the jokes were hysterical. It's very interesting how you have Brian and his family related to Chuck, that's a nice original touch. The dream and the Whitney bit was great - the best scenes in that part of the chapter. I'll be back for part two soon.

Hoenn Warrior
11th December 2005, 11:45 PM
Loved this first chapter. I was dying of complete laughter Iceking. Its good to see that Greg hasnt changed one bit and neither has Slowpoke. It would be funny to see Slowpoke evolve into a Slowbro one slow pokemon into another. Or evolve it into a Slowking a smart Pokemon which would be the complete opposite of Greg/Slowpoke.

IceKing
12th December 2005, 4:05 AM
Anyways, part one was great. I loved the backstory, and most of the jokes were hysterical. It's very interesting how you have Brian and his family related to Chuck, that's a nice original touch. The dream and the Whitney bit was great - the best scenes in that part of the chapter. I'll be back for part two soon.

HOly crap, I thought you would have hated it! Thanks a lot for reviewing Flamer! Finish part two soon, next chapter will be here soon.


Loved this first chapter. I was dying of complete laughter Iceking. Its good to see that Greg hasnt changed one bit and neither has Slowpoke. It would be funny to see Slowpoke evolve into a Slowbro one slow pokemon into another. Or evolve it into a Slowking a smart Pokemon which would be the complete opposite of Greg/Slowpoke.


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CLOSET READER!!! *Pulls out Ice nuclear bomb and is about to drop it on you* Wait...I need to save this for the mole people...Thanks a lot for reviewing! And yes, Slowpoke will evolve by the end of the fic. To who? Won't say XP


THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP WEDNESDAY! This next chapter is 14 1/2 pages (the original was 6, and I actually took OUT scenes XD) and deals with the first two hours of the S.S. Mantine ride. There is a nice battle in it as well and three very important charachters are introduced

Saffire Persian
14th December 2005, 12:20 AM
Hmmm. I will always believe that Coke is on a higher standing than Pepsi. I realize my review isn't as detailed as some would like, but anyway, here I am.

Overall, I found the humor you put into this story to be very entertaining, and you got an honest chuckle out of me many times during the narrative. Being an I-pod owner, I quite enjoyed the joke about the i-Pokes. Also, the talking trophy reminded me of a more annoying version of the sorting hat.

As for the characters, nice and well balanced - heck, even the Pokemon characters were that way.. (Never viewed Slowpoke as a bear before.. but really, i haven't determined what exactly it is.)


“Hmmph, I’ll show that stupid voice! I am an extremely skilled trainer, and my Slowpoke will be the most powerful thing in the history of the world! Even more powerful than that Misty’s Corsola…

Now, if you had said something alone the lines of "Misty's Psyduck" you would've gotten a very outrageous laugh out of me.


“Scyther Scyther Scythe (What the heck was that! Humans…)”

While I like the fact we can understand the Pokemon, I can't help but say something about this - it's a pet peeve of mine..but I dislike it when authors do the "pika pika pika" then the translation right after it continuously like you do. While t his isn't bad, I really don't like it.. I'd prefer the dialogue be italicized, underlined, or something, to show that its in Pokespeech.. I dunno, something other then immediate translation. However, that's just my opinion.

Good luck to you, I'll read the next chapter whenever it comes out.

Dilasc
14th December 2005, 1:23 AM
Ya know, I remember this from way back when. It seems everyone is reviving their ancient work. Well done, you got a few laughs from me here. I can't believe I didn't read it back then.

I'll have to agree about the Pokemon dialog. Even if the humans cannot understand a word the Pokemon say, you're probably just better off not doing the name repeat process. Just let us know that the humans cannot understand them, and then they can say whatever they wish.

Other than that, thumbs up, or something like that.

cyndaquil_dratini
15th December 2005, 12:05 AM
Ahhhh! IceKing, you're a genius. You're so witty and clever, the humour in this has a way of making you laugh more and more as it goes on. Really, really intelligent, impressive writing. I love your pisstake of i-pods. I love how the whoel story seems to be a parody on pokemon- nobody should ever take themselves too seriously.

Comedy is an artform- it takes as much skill and intelligence to write something like this chapter as it does to write something with "beautiful Serpent Syra description, amazing Mindripper vocabulary, and perfect realism."
Your jokes are as clever as that.

It's very hard to make me laugh out loud when I read, but you managed it the entire way through your story. Maybe you're Terry Pratchett in disguise. Have you played the early Monkey Island games? Your banner gives me the impression that this could turn out a little monkey island-ish, which is great for me.

My advice to you is to never lose sight of the plot in your story, and never let the jokes get in the way of it. You're very talented, and very witty, but it only works while you have the story structure there, so you need to keep it there all the way through. It's fine at the moment, your comments at the top of the page give me the impression that maybe it won't be.

As is, your story is fantastic, I think you're one of the best writers in here. You need to post the next chapter really soon, I've been waiting for days now. I hope you continue to write at this standard, I will certainly continue to read.

IceKing
15th December 2005, 3:00 AM
Saffire Persian: Errm, whats this with Coke and Pepsi? lol. Nice to know I made you laugh, that is my goal. And I'm glad you liked the pokemon charachters as well, I kept worrying that I wasn't showing their personalities enough, and trust me they have their own individual personalities. Oooh, I can't believe I completely forgot about Misty's Psyduck! That line was directly from version 1 which wasnt too funny anyway. I'll be sure to have a Mistys Psyduck reference later on...

Dilasc:Thanks for reviewing! I remember seeing your fic a lot way back then and now too. Since you were kind enough to review me, I might read your fic over the break sometime. Same with you Saffire Persian, though your title kind of bothers me because there's a really good movie called "Requiem for a Dream"

Cyndaquil Dratini: lol, I was just thinking today "hmm, I get the feeling cynadquil dratini will review!" And surprise surprise you did! And its nice to know I got laughs out of you too, keep in mind that the purpose of chapter 1 was a parody of journey fic beginnnings. Though unoriginality will be extremely poked fun of later on this isnt really a parody fic. And I was very honored when you called my comedy an artform. Funny, it all started involuntariily, now though it comes involuntarily most of the time, I realize comedy is my area. Who's Terry Prachett, XD? I'm not her in disguise, I'm actually a giant talking Slowpoke as portrayed by my pair's sig. And the reason the banner is island-ish is because they're going to the Whirl Islands :P And yes, I promise you I will never lose sight of the plot. The plots been flowing for years now, and just because their is jokes doesnt mean Ill lose sight of them. There may be a few serious chapters coming ahead, though Ill still incoroporate humor into it. I'm also very honored that you called me one of the best writers, I really really don't think so XD.


Also, for this issue on the pokespeak style I use, I see your points but there are some circumstances I feel it is important to hear the pokemon version as well. I put italisized versions as well as my original versions, please tell me which is better to use!

Wow... 14 reviews for one chapter. Technically 15 counting my friend who read but couldnt post his review. Also, Burnt Flower wanted to give me a review (but because of her current situation, she is unable). EIther way, thats really good and thank you everyone for reviewing! All my reviews were pretty positive, I'm kinda surpirsed my rating is so low o_0. I dont care about ratings too much though. Anyway, here is chapter 2, 13 1/2 pages, is only one part. Kinda like Chapter 2 and next one will be Chapter 2.5








Chapter Two: All Aboard the S.S. Mantine! Part One

Nearly twenty minutes after the children finally boarded the ship, the S.S. Mantine had finally anchored out of the Cianwood Port and began to turn away from the seaside city to head towards Olivine City. Most of the insensitive little brutes had made it their mission to head to the intestines of the ship as soon as possible and see what laid inside, but Brian, the twins, and several other teenagers were nice and sentimental enough to give their beautiful city one last gaze as the horizon slowly devoured and chewed it. Somewhere in the city, Jolene and many other overprotective mothers were bawling into the sheets of their beds, not being able to see their babies for quite some time. After about another thirty minutes, Cianwood was fully engulfed by the treacherous sea, and the trio turned to officially begin their Whirl Island Quest at last.

Brian gave one final smirk before turning to face the twins and his pokemon. “Wow, so this is really it guys. We’re on our own. We’re on a pokemon journey! I can’t believe how amazing the thought of…”

“Brian, do me a favor and please shut up. Nobody likes an overly sensitive little sissy boy! Right Slowpoke?” Greg groaned, looking to his hefty bear pokemon for support.

The three pokemon were sitting on the hardwood polished deck together. Sunkern and Machop prattling away in their own little language about the two things that mattered most to a pokemon: shiny things and The O.C.. While the two obedient and well respected pokemon were in a deep intellectual discussion about the joys of aluminum paper, Slowpoke gazed cravingly at a gray shellfish pokemon, whom he lusted after for ages. Upon hearing Greg’s question, Slowpoke turned to his trainer, temporarily out of his usual day dreaming state.

“Slow…. Slow… (Who are you again)?”

“Oh shut up you big lummox! God, I can’t wait to capture another water pokemon! Then, I’ll finally be able to toss you off the side of a boat and tell people you couldn‘t bear living with your fat self! Look at Sunkern and Machop! They are already deep in discussion like good obedient slaves; whereas you are just lusting over that Melissa’s Shellder!” Greg shouted to his pokemon. Slowpoke said nothing, but rather quietly blinked back at him, contemplating on how much his gelled up blonde hair looked like a delicious omelet.

Having an extremely loud and obnoxious voice, Greg’s whining was heard on the entire deck. The tall girl named Melissa looked back to see Slowpoke slowly licking his lips as he stared at the Shellder’s backside, and immediately snatched her pokemon away, marching down into the bowels of the ship. Sunkern and Machop glared at the rude pokemon trainer with disgust, starting a new discussion on which of their attacks could probably off him. Slowpoke’s eyes began to tear up as the love of his life slowly went away, all because of his stupid trainer.

“Greg, sometimes I really wish you would just shut your mouth for an entire day. Is it really that hard?” Julie muttered to herself.

“And I sure wish you would stop being such a little PMS infested bi….”

“OK GUYS! Who wants to go downstairs? I’m sure that there are lots of fun and dandy things do to in there! What do you guys say? Eh? Eh?” Brian yelled out nervously, before Greg could finish his rather insulting remark.

The tension between Greg and Julie reached an all time zenith, more frigid than an Articuno breath on a cold, blizzard stabbed day. They quietly stared at each other with their pearly seafoam eyes not budging a single millimeter. Greg started to clench his teeth with all his might while Julie’s eyes began to shake violently. When the moment seemed like it would never come, Julie finally blinked. The twins looked at each other for another few seconds and started to laugh as Greg finally blinked as well.

“Damn it, Greg! Even if you are an idiot, you can still beat me in a good old fashioned blinking contest!” Julie moaned ruefully, giving her brother a light punch in the arm.

“Oh, don’t worry little sis, you’re still good at other things! Like being an ice cold bi…”

“Shut up Mr. Imgoingtoenduponthestreetswithnojobandafourhundred poundgirlfriendwhoIhavetospoonfeedbecauseshestooda mnfattogetuponherown!” Julie retaliated giving her brother a harder punch in the stomach. The two playfully fought with each other for a few minutes before landing on the deck and laughing their heads off. Brian stared at the twins in utter confusion. They may have been the worst enemies and polar opposites, but they always remembered the fact they were twins and managed to be closer than a obese adolescent to his chocolate cake.

“Wow guys, one minute cussing each other out, next minute, laughing with each other! I will never be able to understand you two... Anyway, want to head downstairs?” Brian asked shaking his head and chuckling at his two best friends.

“Yeah, let’s get out of this place. People are already beginning to give us funny looks... Come along now Machop!” Julie replied calling her fighting pokemon forward while Sunkern hopped onto Brian’s shoulder. Greg, without surprise, had major problems trying to get Slowpoke to follow him.

“GET UP YOU FAT LARD! COME ON! MOVE RIGHT NOW!” Greg pleaded, taking a handful of Slowpoke’s back fat in a vain attempt to pull him away from the ship’s railing, only to find the blubber slipping from his hands each time. Cursing under his breath, Greg moved his hands to Slowpokes tiny tail and began to tug as forcefully as he could. With the poor luck of a comic relief character, out of all the things Greg could have done to Slowpoke, he chose the most fatal one.

For the first time in many years, Slowpoke finally made a reaction that didn’t involve gazing blankly with his mouth hanging wide open. Slowpoke slowly turned to face Greg with a face of utmost fury. His large eyes were narrowed in dislike, and his normally wide and gaping mouth had been reduced to a thin, annoyed line. After he glared at his trainer for a few seconds, he took in a big breath and opened his wide mouth as vastly as he could. Surprising everyone who watched, a thick pillar of foaming water fired out of the “fat lard’s” mouth and struck Greg squarely in the chest, drenching his clothes and causing him to crash into the ship’s side railings.

Julie and Brian looked at Slowpoke with utmost amazement, more surprised that he was able to use an attack rather than the fact that he hurt Greg of course. Many other onlookers in the deck turned to face Greg and Slowpoke, ready for a few seconds of entertainment. Machop and Slowpoke exchanged grimace from their trainer’s sides. They knew Slowpoke the best and have seen the results of his true power a few times before.

Greg was knocked out temporarily by the sheer force of the Water Gun attack and struggled to get up again. Once he finally did, he shook his clothes fiercely like a dog, expelling a large amount of water onto the deck. As he regained control of himself he slowly realized something and brought his hands up slowly to touch his damp hair, fearing for his life. He could not feel the little gelled up waves and spikes sticking out.

“You…. stupid…. pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!” Greg declared as he sprinted toward the livid bear, ready to fight his own pokemon.

“Wow, just when I thought Greg could not get any more pathetic and stupid,” Brian commented as he watched the two lovebirds begin to circle each other silently, ready to take their anger out on each other.

“Oh, the stupid human is going to get killed by Slowpoke. How unfortunate,” Machop muttered to Sunkern as they eagerly watched the battle.

“If he dies, do you think Brian will let me have his hat??? I love that hat!” Sunkern wondered out loud.

“Alright, GREG USE YOUR DYNAMIC PUNCH ATTACK!” Greg ordered himself, resulting in many chuckles from bystanders. He nodded to himself in acceptance and began to pull back his right arm as far as he could. His remotely powerful biceps began to quiver as he flexed them with all of his might and launched himself toward Slowpoke, still standing several feet away. Unfortunately, because of Dynamic Punch’s incredibly low accuracy, Greg found himself missing Slowpoke by a mile and tripping over his feet onto the floor instead.

Slowpoke let a low howl and raised his head to the sky. As Greg struggled to get to his feet, the bear pokemon began to glow brightly in a white light as if he was evolving. Along with blinding people with the powerful light that shined from his body, he also began to flash with scarlet dots randomly until it finally stopped, and he returned to normal, looking a great deal more powerful.

“What the heck was that? Looked like Slowpoke was laying an egg or something…” Brian asked, more concerned for the pokemon than his friend as Slowpoke began to growl at a whimpering Greg. The bulb at the end of Brian’s I-Poke began to flash purple and started to say something.

“The pokemon just used Curse attack, an attack that increases strength and defense at the expense of speed for non-ghost pokemon.”

When Greg got to his feet again, Slowpoke immediately let out a huge snarl and mauled his idiotic trainer as fiercely as he could. Greg let out a high pitched girly scream as nearly two hundred pounds of pure blubber crashed into his chest and pinned him down to the floor. His entire world was consumed by shadow as the only thing he could see was the glaring face of his Slowpoke who stared down at him with his eyes shaking and his mouth foaming.

“Hmm, should we separate them now?” Julie asked Brian.

“Nah, this is quite funny actually!” Brian commented, moving his head in different to see the battle better.

“Is it just me or does it look like Greg is liking that position?” Sunkern asked with a smirk as she eyed the two.

People began to come up from below the ship to see the Slowpoke-Greg battle, thinking it was all an act for their entertainment while the teenagers who were already on the deck were down on the hardwood laughing their heads off. Even the sailors, who should have stopped the fight long ago, began to sit and watch the battle like it was a casual football game. Greg took no notice of all the attention he was getting and turned a deep shade of puce as he strained with all his might to toss the fuming pokemon off him.

“All…right…Greg…use…a…Flamethrower… attack!” Greg ordered feebly to himself, still trying to escape from the clutches of the blubbery weight that was his bear pokemon. He finally stopped trying to struggle his way out of getting raped by the bear pokemon and relaxed himself. After closing his eyes in deep tranquility for several seconds, he opened his mouth as wide as he could and blew a stream of putrid breath into Slowpoke’s nostrils.

“That looked like a Poison Gas attack to me…” Machop commented.

Slowpoke turned his head away to avoid inhaling Greg’s breath and loosened his hold on Greg, giving the twin the opportunity to force the bear pokemon off of him. Greg immediately rose to his full height and dropped all of his weight down on the Slowpoke with an elbow drop. Slowpoke let out a tiny moan of pain and collapsed on all fours with his eyes glued shut. Many people began to boo at Greg for hurting his pokemon, but more were upset at the fact that Greg won, since they bet a few bucks against him.

Greg gave the poor fallen pokemon a nice kick in the side before marching around him, flashing all the disgusted ladies his infamous “Gregly Grin.” As more people began to boo him and throw random items at him, Slowpoke’s eyes suddenly flashed open in a split second, and he completely regained consciousness. Greg stood right in front of the bear pokemon’s face, and his bare calves quivered oh-so-deliciously in front of Slowpoke‘s large mouth. The poor boy was so clueless as to why everyone stared at him nervously…

“OH MOTHER F***** S*** YOU LITTLE A** …”

Greg hollered and cursed loudly for all of the ship to hear and to make the sailors grit their teeth in envy as Slowpoke took a large bite into his right calf and refused to budge, sinking his tiny teeth deeper and deeper inside the flesh. People began to look concerned, and Julie and Brian nodded at each other with mutual assurance. Brian flicked Sunkern in the back who rolled her eyes and hopped into the melee, and Julie also poked Machop in the shoulder, who also entered unenthusiastically to separate the two.

“YOU LITTLE PIECE OF S*** YOU ARE SO GOING TO PAY YOU LITTLE MOTHER FU…OWW!”

Sunkern launched herself from the floor straight into Greg’s face and began to assault him violently while Machop began to karate chop Slowpoke’s neck lightly until he finally let go of Greg’s bleeding calf. As soon as Slowpoke had released hold of Greg, Sunkern leaped off of Greg’s face and scurried to the railing where Greg chased her, safely away from Slowpoke. Machop then wrapped his right arm around Slowpoke’s neck, dragging him backward with his muscular legs. Slowpoke thrashed and struggled with all of his might to escape the fighting pokemon’s grip, managing to loosen his head and released another Water Gun straight at Greg.

Sunkern eyes widened as she saw the attack rocket toward the blonde, brainless boy, threatening to capsize him off the railing and into the murky depths of the sea below. Unfortunately for her, Greg was about to send her flying with what appeared to be a failing attempt at a Hyper Beam. Smiling softly to herself, Sunkern simply leaped onto Greg’s shoulder and slid down his back like a slide in time to take the full blow of the Water Gun, which was nothing more than a refreshing bath to her.

Greg and Slowpoke stared at each other for a long time similarly to the way Greg and Julie looked at each other earlier, except this time it was nothing but pure disgust in each other eyes. They loathed each other more than anything in the world…and no seed or two foot tall little man would stop them from hurting each other!.

“MACHOP!”

“SUNKERN!”

The two pokemon cried as they were shoved aside like flies as Slowpoke and Greg knocked them out of their way and jumped into the middle of the deck to brawl once more! They clutched each others arms and rolled around the floor, attempting to bite each other’s heads off. The sailors finally stood up to split up the fight once and for all, but found someone had already beat them to a job when a very pretty girl burst into the deck fuming furiously.

“I’ve heard enough of this battle from downstairs! This is just ridiculous now, Jigglypuff, use Sing!” she cried out pointing to the ball of brawling idiots in the middle of the deck.

From behind her, a round, one foot high, two foot wide light-pink balloon pokemon holding a small microphone came into view. The pokemon’s face was inflated with fury, and her livid eyes were narrowed in annoyance. She brought the tiny microphone to her lips and opened her mouth rather widely as she began to sing.

“Jigg…alee..puff…jiggg…aleee…aleee…pufff….jigga…al eepufff….jigg…aleeepufff…jigggg…allee….puff…jiggal eee…” As the beautiful music notes began to slowly seep out of the balloon pokemon’s lips and hover around the pugnacious twits, they slowly began to get steadily more and more drowsy without even realizing it.

Before Jigglypuff could even get to her last note, the two dunce buckets were already spread eagled on the floor, completely asleep. The people on the boat gave a few scattered claps for the rather enjoyable pokemon battle before getting back in their own conversations and lives. Julie and Brian smiled enthusiastically at the Jigglypuff‘s trainer, who was a good friend of their's from school.

“Thanks a lot Natalie! You and that Jigglypuff sure are good!” Julie commented while she and Brian dragged the limp, unconscious bodies of Greg to their feet while Machop took Slowpoke.

“We were wondering where you and Nathan were!” Brian said to the girl named Natalie. Though Greg, Julie, and Brian had very close knit and powerful relationship, that sure didn’t mean they didn’t have any other friends! Natalie and Nathan, two other students from their grade, were their second highest friends and the two sets of friends hung out together a lot, though deciding to go their own separate ways in the Whirl Islands.

Natalie didn’t say anything at first; she kneeled down so that her Jigglypuff could hop in her arms and then stood up, all five foot seven of her incredible beauty. She made quite a few heads turns as soon as she stepped onto the ship with her straight and silky black hair that fell to her neck and extremely bright brown eyes that complimented well with her creamy white skin. Though she looked a little pale, she had a strange aura of beauty from her tall swimmer’s body and dark features that made guys like Greg go, “HUBBA BEESA MEESA MOOOOOO!”

“No problem! Nathan’s coming up soon, he’s playing a game of foozball with someone. So, I can’t believe we’re finally off! Nathan and I are going to have so much fun, I hope we meet up with you three a lot of times along the way! What are you guys planning to do? I know I want to collect and train normal pokemon and then get the badges with them! Whitney only has another ten years, and I’m going to take her place!” Natalie responded with her high and girly voice. Unlike Julie, she was in no way shape or form a feminist and instead was very girly, though she definitely was no brainless bimbo.

“Yeah, I’m going to get the eight badges, Sleepyhead here is going for the Whirl Cup, and Julie doesn’t really know yet…” Brian responded, trying not to stare at Natalie for too long.

“Pssh, I’m doing the badges too dudes. All I want to do is hit the waves and check out the fine ladies, but I won’t be able to live with myself if my good friend Natalie here became Champion, and I didn’t get a bite at the apple!”

The three turned around to see a voice coming from the stairs. Sure enough, from it emerged none other than Nathan Oliver, best friend to Natalie and typical surfer dude. Nathan walked up to the three of them. He had wavy blonde hair, dark blue eyes that always seemed to be zoned out, and a dark tan from countless hours of being in the water. Wearing a white t shirt and swim trunks, it was clear he planned on surfing as soon as he hit land. Being a frequent surfer, he had a strong athletic built, which the girls loved. Greg had great animosity and envy toward Nathan, for being able to get girls without even trying.

“Yo, what are you guys still doing up here? We’ve all seen the ocean and its totally rad waves, but downstairs we can finally have our first legal pokemon battle!” Nathan commented, pointing to the stairs below.

The three friends gave nervous chuckles and looked around each other nervously. One of the laws that came with the rise of the Soccer Mom included making pokemon battling illegal for children below thirteen. Apparently, some little kid named Timmy Turner got eaten by an Onix in Rock Tunnel in a tragic attempt to capture him with his bug catching net…. Either that, or he just had his straw hat stolen; it’s not like soccer moms do their research anyway.

“Sure, let’s go! Machop and I have been itching to play jump rope with that Tangela of yours for a while now! What about these two over here though?” Julie asked, giving Greg a nice hard kick in the back. He still slept soundly, and was even using a very powerful Snore and Sleep Talk attack!

“No problem again. YO TANGELA! COME AND GET THAT SLOWPOKE! I suppose your Machop can take Greg, I don’t think he’s quite strong enough to lift such a heavy pokemon unlike my powerful beast of a pokemon!” Nathan sneered with a bit of a cocky voice. Julie scowled and patted her Machop’s head affectionately.

“I don’t think you’re quite smart enough to not get eaten by a Tentacruel by the first gym!”

From behind Nathan, a big mass of interlocking navy vines popped out and scurried over to Slowpoke. The only part of her round body not covered in vines was the small space in the center of her face where two white eyes peered out. One of the reason’s Nathan loved this grass pokemon, Tangela, so much was that her little red feet were great for maintaining balance on a surfboard.

Using her main ability, she released four vines from somewhere within the bramble that made up her body and coiled up Slowpoke in her grip. As she first attempted to pull her vines back in and lift up Slowpoke, her eyes immediately bulged, and the “powerful beast” fell back. Finally, she lifted the behemoth of a pokemon with great strain onto her back with the auxiliary of several other vines, slowly trudging downstairs.

“My…. God…., lay off….. the potato…. chips, Fatty!”

Nathan giggled nervously at Tangela’s troubles while Julie and Machop simply smirked. With only one arm, Machop swept Greg into the crook of his elbow and tossed him over his shoulders like a backpack. The fighting pokemon then went and followed the grass pokemon downstairs, Greg’s head dragging on the floor as he walked. After such a display of power, Brian and Natalie looked at their own “weaker” pokemon self consciously.

“Well, you might not be able to carry pokemon, people, or well just about anything on your back Sunkern, but I still have my faith in you!” Brian yelled encouragingly to the grass pokemon, who was back on his shoulder again. The seed pokemon responded by giving a little leap of victory, plummeting straight to the floor as Brian walked forward to go downstairs.

The interior of the ship was just as amazing and stunning as everyone thought it would be. It looked more like one giant Rec Room with extensions to other rooms and a corner rife with fattening, tooth destroying refreshments. It was carpeted with beautiful Indian material and scattered with many comfortable chairs and couches (which Tangela and Machop placed Slowpoke and Greg on). For entertainment, multiple big screen televisions, game consoles, pool tables, foozball tables, in short, all the things that a teenager would love were spread out all around the different rooms. Nathan pointed to another stairway on the right wall with a large picture of a gold and green Pokeball painted over it. Below it lay the Battle Room, a room designed in memory of little Timothy, where trainers could safely have their “first” battles under the supervision of certified sailors.

“Hmm, this is pretty damn good for an eight hour boat ride!” Brian commented to Sunkern, who was nervously hopping behind him, struggling to keep up.

“How about we start off with me against Julie, battle of the divas of Cianwood, and then Brian against Nathan, battle of the hunks of Johto!” Natalie piped up as the four friends sat down on an unoccupied couch to discuss what they would do. Brian turned a bright shade of red that easily complimented his crimson hair at being called a hunk while Julie scowled at being called such a demeaning term as “diva.” She wanted to be called a hunk too!

“STOP MAKING FUN OF FEMINISTS JACKASS!” Julie cried out randomly, resulting in her getting anxious stares from everyone in the vicinity. “Ermm, yeah. And then afterward it’s winner against winner? It’s going to suck not being able to fight you Nathan since Brian is going to beat you down!”

“Right, I’m sure he will,” Nathan said sarcastically, pointing to the seed pokemon who was still panting from having to hop down the stairs. “What about Greg and Slowpoke? Shouldn’t we incorporate them somehow? I heard Slowpoke battling someone upstairs and then I came up seeing him asleep. He could be a pretty formidable opponent!”

His question about the slight chance of Slowpoke and Greg being any good got him an astonished stare from Natalie and a myrrh of laughter from Julie and Brian. After Julie and Brian finally calmed down, Brian was the one to respond. “Dude, Greg was fighting Slowpoke. You missed one of the funniest things of the century! Though you are right, that Slowpoke is a lot stronger than we take him for.”

“Damn it, why do I miss the funniest things? But, hey, I did meet this one sexy babe, and we did get a little battle going, and I was about to…errm yeah, I think we should head down already,” Nathan added quickly upon seeing the furious looks on Natalie and Julie’s faces. He was the first to stand up with Tangela following him downstairs. The rest soon followed.

The Battle Room in the deepest floor of the ship was much more amazing then they could have imagined. It was nearly twice the size of Chuck’s gym’s battlefield, though split into four parts. Over in the far right was a plain white battlefield, next to it was a grassy, vegetation rife meadow, next to that was a opaque pool, and at the far right was a rocky mountainous battlefield. The last three were occupied by other trainers enjoying the joys of pokemon battling, but the normal battlefield was completely empty.

The four were about to head to the normal battlefield when an extremely grumpy, chubby sailor with a large, brown bird pokemon flying besides him stopped them in their tracks. They had never seen a more repugnant looking man, he had a thick muzzle and extremely oily hair wearing a large sailors outfit that could hardly keep his large stomach in place. He walked across the battlefield with a bit of a limp and wheezing vehemently.

“Stop it yeh little ingrates! Don kids these days have as much mind ter at least hear out the rules! Anyways, don’t yeh dare use powerful attacks or powerful pokemon! Some genius sunk the S.S. Lapras having his Rhydon use Earthquake! If I see one of yeh breaking this rule, you and yer pokemon will feel the wrath of my Fearow!” the grumpy sailor ordered, bearing his bright yellow teeth and hissing his rancid breath which they could still smell from a few feet away. The Fearow gave an ominous cry as she spun her menacing, large orange beak and flying around the four children, digging his orange beak around their clothes as if to sniff out drugs.

When the repugnant man and his Fearow finally let them be, they exchanged each other strange looks. They hadn’t been that disturbed since the time Greg came to the last Halloween Costume Party as an Olympic swimmer, wearing nothing but a pink speedo… Shaking the horrible thought aside, they took their places on opposites sides of the Normal Battlefield, Brian with Julie and Nathan with Natalie.

“Ready for this Machop? Remember, you have the fighting pokemon advantage over Jigglypuff, a normal pokemon. Watch out for the Sing Attack, other than that, you have absolutely nothing to worry about! You’re going to pop that little balloon!” Julie whispered to her Machop, who nodded at her every word, thinking about how funny it would be if Jigglypuff did explode and left a mess of blood and guts.

“Ok Jigglypuff, you just knocked out a two hundred pound pokemon and the world’s most caffienated boy with your beautiful singing voice! You can crush that man baby, just remember the immortal words of Muhammad Ali! I can fly like a Butterfree but sing like a Beedrill!” Natalie mumbled to her Jigglypuff, who nodded at every word, thinking about how the hell a Beedrill can sing.

“Alright Sunkern, watch this battle carefully! If we beat Tangela, we’re going to be fighting one of these two pokemon!” Brian said to his Sunkern, who wobbled at his every word, thinking about why there was so much unneeded repetition going on.

The two pokemon took their places on opposite sides of the battlefield and bowed to each other, secretly flicking each other off: Machop, an extremely power gray humanoid pokemon trained in the art of battle by hand and foot, and Jigglypuff, a round, pink balloon who was trained in the art of slapping and singing. Machop closed his eyes tightly, raised his left palm, and put his right foot behind him, ready for battle. Jigglypuff in turn closed her eyes tightly and brought her tiny microphone to her lips, her mouth slightly ajar, ready to sing. It was time to battle!

“MACHOP USE KARATE CHOP!”

“JIGGLYPUFF USE SING!”

Machop immediately leaped high into the air and extended his right arm as far forward as he could. His karate chopping palm shined brightly with pure physical force manifested in the form of white light. Though the force of the Karate Chop could probably crack her skull, Jigglypuff remained calm and started to sing once again with her eyes tightly closed.

“Jigg…alee…pufff….jiggalee…alee…puff…”

Julie looked nervously at Machop, whose eyelids began to droop, and hoped that he would find some brilliant way to counter the attack, because if she ordered something, Natalie would be able to easily deflect whatever Machop threw at her. All the training at Chuck’s gym and years of bonding with Julie came to use with Machop’s next actions. Machop immediately stopped his attack mid-air (something that no regular pokemon would be able to do) and leaped backward, landing in the middle of the battlefield.

His glowing palm immediately returned to normal, and just before Machop was about to fall unconscious from the balloon pokemon’s song, he shoved two gray fingers as tightly as he could into his ears. Most of the song was drowned out so that even if Machop felt a little drowsy, he didn’t fall asleep. Julie grinned broadly at her Machop’s quick thinking and reflexes while Natalie’s previously cocky face immediately became worried. Only Jigglypuff remained serenely unaware of the fact that Machop was not sleeping like a Smoochum as he ran toward her with his right foot glowing and his fingers in his ears.

Luckily for the balloon pokemon, she opened her eyes a few seconds before Machop’s Low Kick attack made contact. Letting out a tiny shriek, she immediately curled up into a ball, holding herself tightly, awaiting the powerful blow. With a big smile, Machop kicked Jigglypuff as hard as he could like a soccer ball, causing her to sail across the battlefield and right into Natalie’s nose.

“OWW! WATCH WHERE YOUR LITTLE FREAK KICKS MY JIGGLYPUFF! GOD DAMN IT! OH MY…GAH!” Natalie sobbed as she clutched her bleeding nose with great care. Machop stared in horror at the human he hurt, though he was on the floor laughing internally. Julie, Brian, and Nathan also looked at the sobbing, bleeding Natalie with horror, but because of their cruel, teenager instincts they also began to chortle fiercely, but seriously trying with all their efforts to hold it back!

“Errm…Natalie…do…you…need an…ice…p-pack?” Julie struggled to say, her voice breaking from her strong urge to laugh.

“I…have..some..t-tissu…HAHAHA. My…ha…I’m so sorry…HAHA!” Brian also added, holding up a box of tissues he recovered from within his backpack.

“Guys stop being so mean! You guys are Natalie’s friends and….oh who the hell am I kidding? This is hilarious!” Nathan chastised, holding his stomach laughing at Natalie’s misfortune as well.

If looks could kill, everyone in the room would have been grinded into a fine powder of blood and bones because of the look of pure rage and contempt in Natalie’s eyes. She took out this anger on the person nearest to her, Nathan, by punching him as hard as she could in the worst place possible. Nathan immediately stopped laughing, and his eyes bulged out of their sockets as he plopped sideways onto the floor, letting out a huge groan of pain. Natalie then turned her shaking eyes to Brian and Julie with a look that said “Help me now or else I will beat your *** down!”

Julie and Brian immediately stopped laughing, and Brian rushed up to the other side of the battlefield with the box of tissues. Machop still stood in the middle of the battlefield, frozen with trepidation and convulsing slightly, worrying if the crazy female would take her anger out on him as well. Brian was too scared to get near the livid female and her groaning friend, and simply slid the tissue down the battlefield toward her, which thudded softly against her shoe. Natalie silently pulled out several tissues from the box and covered her bleeding nose with it, still watching Brian with the deadly look as he walked back to his side of the battlefield.

Natalie then moved her dangerous gaze to Julie, who scratched her head nervously, not sure what to do next. “Errm, you can take the victory by default since you did….”

“NO!” Natalie roared, leaping to her feet and spraying several droplets of blood downward. Her voice was very nasal and sounded like a foghorn, but no one dared to make fun of her again.

She panted heavily and glared at Machop and Julie, thirsting deeply for cold vengeance. Then, she turned to Jigglypuff, who was still curled tightly in a ball, too scared of Machop to come out. What she didn’t know was that there was a beast more frightening than any three hundred armed fighting pokemon standing only a few feet away from her. Natalie gave Jigglypuff a little nudge with her shoe, and the pokemon immediately popped out of its ball, yelping at the sight of her angry, bleeding trainer. Natalie wouldn’t allow her pokemon to just stand there and shiver like a little baby, she pointed furiously to the battlefield where Jigglypuff walked toward rather quickly, looking back at her trainer nervously with one eye, as if she would stomp on her at any given second.

Julie hissed at Machop who immediately retreated back to his side of the battlefield, remaining transfixed by the sight that was Natalie. “We are going to finish this battle! And it will be a fun and educational experience that we will never forget! My Jigglypuff will beat your Machop down, and we are going to have a delightfully good time watching it!” Natalie stated to Julie, with a very quiet yet furious voice.

“Right, errm, get ready Machop!” Julie ordered unenthusiastically. Machop got back into his battle stance of holding his left palm out and putting his right foot back. Jigglypuff became livid too, because of the fact that Machop made her trainer furious. Her cheeks were inflated with fury and her eyes narrowed in dislike.

“Machop Chop Chop (Looks like your singing doesn’t only make people’s ears bleed)…”

“Jiggly Jiggly (I’ll bust yo kneecaps foo’)!”

“Now, Jigglybuff. MELEE STYLE!” Natalie ordered pointing furiously at Machop.

Jigglypuff immediately leaped surprisingly high into the air with her cheeks still inflated. As she reached the zenith of her jump, she slowly sucked in tiny puffs of air and slowly ascended higher and higher into the air as her cheeks grew larger and larger until she was directly floating over Machop himself. Julie wondered what Natalie was trying to do, but didn’t want to find out and intended to stop Jigglypuff before she could.

“Machop! Jump and use Karate Chop!”

Machop’s right palm glowed white once more, and he leaped high into the air ready to drive Jigglypuff into the floor. When he came face to face with the balloon pokemon, she gave a tiny smile and giggle, raising her glowing right hand as well.

“POUND HIM DOWN JIGGLYBUFF!”

As soon as Natalie gave her command, Jigglypuff and Machop’s palms made fierce contact and struggled to overcome each other. The hands glowed white with pure energy and steadily became more and more bright as they struggled to break the stalemate. Julie and Brian stared in awe at Jigglypuff; her hand was barely the size of Machop’s pinky, yet it was somehow just as formidable in an angry Pound attack. Jigglypuff grew tired of the stalemate and conked Machop in the head with her other hand as hard as she could, causing him to plummet nearly six feet down to the floor.

“BEAT HIM DOWN!” Natalie roared audibly, causing many nearby battlers to jump with fear,

Machop groaned as his back cracked in the powerful impact of his fall, and Jigglypuff wasted no time staying in the air and immediately exhaled all the air in her cheeks, rocketing herself downward onto the fighting pokemon’s chest with quite a bit of force. Machop’s eyes grew wide as he saw the wicked smile on Jigglypuff’s face as she raised her right hand high. She slapped him once, and a stinging sensation immediately rippled through Machop’s cheek. The poor pokemon could only lay down helplessly as his cruel opponent slapped him silly, stomped on his chest, and gave him an occasional punch in the nose. Natalie laughed madly at the poor pokemon’s abuse causing Nathan to crawl as far away from her as he could. Ideas began to rush around Julie’s head as she struggled to find a way to save Machop from the painful situation.

“Let’s see…Low Kick, Focus Energy, Karate Chop, what was the other one…OH! Machop, try using a Leer attack!”

Machop opened his eyes with a great deal of effort and looked straight at the abusive Jigglypuff. Upon seeing Machop’s bright red, pupil less eyes, Jigglypuff immediately jumped off of Machop’s chest and began to run away shaking in fear.

“Use Focus Energy! Then, show her the true power of a pokemon!” Julie ordered savagely, smiling knowing the battle was hers.

“Sunkern Kern Kern (GET HER MACHOP)!”

“Tangela Tangela (GET BACK IN THERE YOU IDIOT)!”

The other pokemon cried out their encouragements as Machop returned to his battle stance and closed his eyes tightly, beginning to glow blood red with power as he focused all of his energy into his single palm. Jigglypuff scurried faster toward her trainer as she looked back to see Machop’s entire body about to combust with scarlet light. As tears of fright began to stream out of Jigglypuff’s eyes, her running became more and more choppy, and she ended up falling flat on her face after tripping over her own feet. Natalie’s evil attitude went away as quickly as it came when she saw the petrified look on Jigglypuff’s face as she got up to face Machop.

It truly was a frightening sight. His eyes were red and blank of all emotion while his right hand was flaring with crimson flames, and his whole body burned with a white hot aura of pure power! Machop then brought his open palm to his side and slowly turned it sideways until it was in position to chop Jigglypuff in half. The poor balloon pokemon couldn’t bring herself to move a muscle even though her brain and trainer were begging for her to get out of the way. As Machop leaped high into the air with his flaming palm out and ready to kill, Jigglypuff screwed up her eyes as tight as she could and braced herself for the impact.

“JIGGGLYYYYYYPUFFFFF!”

Machop was still in the position he was when his palm struck Jigglypuff, hovering over the poor pokemon with his palm held out, his legs placed behind him, and his entire body flaring with energy. Jigglypuff wobbled around in place, her eyes swirling and her brain moaning. With one final “puff” Jigglypuff fell knocked out on the floor.

“Jigglypuff is dead! Machop and Julie are the winners!” declared Nathan as he walked over to the two pokemon to state the obvious.

“QUIET JERK! Congratulations Julie! That was a bretty good battle! Poor Jigglybuff though, she must be really hurt! Sorry about how *****y I got earlier, friends?” Natalie asked Julie as she cradled her pokemon like a mother with one hand and held the mass of tissues to her nose with the other.

“Don’t worry about it Natalie, I would have been pissed off too! Sorry, that attack was way more powerful than it should have been. I have some Super Potions in my pack, I’ll give Jigglypuff some! That was one great “first” battle!” Julie said as she walked over to Natalie and gently rubbed Jigglypuff’s back.

“It's nothing! I’m sure little Timmy and his hat would be very proud!” Natalie responded, causing everyone to chuckle. While chuckling, Brian and Nathan then turned their gazes to each other. It was their turn to battle now.

Air Dragon
15th December 2005, 10:23 PM
Yay! I’m a first reviewer! I loved this remake! It so rocked! Just thought I’d put in my favourite parts in a post and add a comment of two:


“Shut up Mr. Imgoingtoenduponthestreetswithnojobandafourhundred poundgirlfriendwhoIhavetospoonfeedbecauseshestooda mnfattogetuponherown!” Julie retaliated giving her brother a harder punch in the stomach.

Wow, what a funny stretch of an insult.


“That looked like a Poison Gas attack to me…” Machop commented.

Obviously smelt like one too…


Many people began to boo at Greg for hurting his pokemon, but more were upset at the fact that Greg won, since they bet a few bucks against him.

Who wouldn’t? I personally would have bet ten bucks on the Slowpoke smothering him sumo style… gassy after effects of breakfast would have made a cool ending.


Though she looked a little pale, she had a strange aura of beauty from her tall swimmer’s body and dark features that made guys like Greg go, “HUBBA BEESA MEESA MOOOOOO!”

That is soooo Greg… sees a pretty girl and all he can say is that? Poor fool, must be totally retarded.


“My…. God…., lay off….. the potato…. chips, Fatty!”

If only my sister took that advice…


Machop closed his eyes tightly, raised his left palm, and put his right foot behind him, ready for battle.
Ooh, is that a Rock Lee stance?

And I thought I saw an error in the line:


I can fly like a Butterfree but sing like a Beedrill!” Natalie mumbled to her Jigglypuff, who nodded at every word, thinking about how the hell a Beedrill can sing.

Isn’t that:

I can float like a Butterfree but sting like a Beedrill!” ?

Or is that for humour?

all in all, i'm lovin' it! Be checking up on you!
Later!
P.S.: Could you review my fic for me too? i'd be grateful and would be honoured with a tip of two...

Sike Saner
15th December 2005, 10:32 PM
Frelling frell frell. FRELL! Pure frickin' magic, this; funny as hell, on many levels, and the characters are highly enjoyable (especially Greg, who kicks 300 kiloasses per second). There was an ungodly assload of highlightable clips; out of mercy, I shall only present half an ungodly assload. Basically the stuff that got the biggest laughs out of me. So, here:


Highlights
General
Just the all-around funny stuff.


“WHAT?” Brian immediately bolted up and turned to face his alarm clock which read ‘8:13 AM.’ “Uhhh, I have another four hours! Today is the day I get out of this house and can go off with Jules and Greg to the Whirl Islands though, right?”

“Yes, so you better get this chapter going before the readers get bored with all the stale unoriginality!” Jolene exclaimed with her impatience growing.

“Chapter?”

“Chapter of your life! Come on Brian how dumb are you! You’re the one who reads Tolstoy for fun!”

“But what about the whole reader thing?”


After he stopped thinking his long typical boring thoughts, he finally went downstairs after neatly tucking in his shirt and combing his thin red hair to one side.

There were a couple of other passages that were funny in the "making fun of typical-ness" way, but this one is my favorite. Probably mostly because I am curiously amused by the word "boring".


Back when Brian was but a wee little girly man, he found himself spending his spare time playing in the little patch of woods far back in Cianwood City.


Machop was a pokemon that sort of resembled a five year old kid—on steroids.

That is one of my favorite summaries of a Pokémon's appearance EVER. Also one of the most accurate.


Brian had stopped listening to the mindless droning of his sub conscious and instead focused on a strange shape in the sky. The skies were turning gray and thunder clapped violently as a large bright yellow object hurtled through the air and stopped at the massive silver rim of the stadium. With a bright flash of lightning, the great yellow object revealed itself as a giant floating banana.

“Oh no! The giant floating banana… that means that this whole thing is really just a dream…”

"Banana" is one of THE VERY funniest words, and bananas are among the highest-ranking funny foods (along with pie, cheese, hot dogs, corn, potatoes, burgers, bacon, pickles, gumballs, and fudge).



“Oh Son! I’m going to miss you so much! Even though it is only a year, I’m still going to miss you so badly! I have your bag packed with all necessary things you need, including ten sticks of Old Spice deodorant!”

“You got me Old Spice deodorant mother? Wow Mom, you really do care about me!” Brian interrupted.

“Yes, Old Spice deodorant is made with a powerful substance that has the force to eliminate and prevent powerful odors of the sweat gland; even a Muk will smell good with a nice application of Old Spice!”

“So, if a mother truly cares about her Son, she will buy him Old Spice deodorant?”

“Yes, because those cheap mothers who buy the one dollar store brand crap are also the tramps with seven crack addicted babies you see living in trailers in Alabama! So, unless you want to be a trashy woman living in a trailer with seven crack addicted babies, hurry up to your nearest drug store and pick up as many Old Spice deodorants as you can for the low price of 3.99!” Jolene exclaimed, pulling a stick of Old Spice deodorant from her pocket turning around and giving a strangely wide grin to the air in front of her.


Slowpoke said nothing, but rather quietly blinked back at him, contemplating on how much his gelled up blonde hair looked like a delicious omelet.


Special
Extra funny and/or extra random stuff.


“You know? I really hope that you and my self esteem never get together. The results would be really disastrous..”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TALK? NEVER EVER INTERRUPT ME!”

"Shut up", suddenly shouted in all caps, kicks my buttocks-cheeks every time.


“Brian? Brian? BRIAN STOP LOOKING AT THE POKEMON AND EAT ALREADY!” Jolene hollered, snapping her son back into reality.

After reading paragraphs of description and history of the Pokémon characters, that hits like a brick. Friggin' brilliant. ^_^


“Oh! I know! It was the Skitty gouging you eyes out! You should have heard him scream; I could have sworn I had a daughter!”

There are a BUTTLOAD of things that are funny in that.


“Hmm, I’m not exactly sure what all he was saying, but I remember him going ‘I love you Whitney!’ and then ‘Your so hawt!!!’ and then for some reason, he started mooing…”

MOOING! XP


“Slowpoke poke poke (I like tater tots)…”

AH! XD Because of that, I will now always imagine Slowpoke to sound like Napoleon Dynamite. *has also now been made to imagine Slowpoke with the hair to match* o_0 MOVING ON!


“Psst…state your name and gender!” Chuck hissed from behind the I-Poke Mini.

“Umm Greg Carson, Female…NO MALE MALE MALE!”

“HELLO MRS. UMMGREG CARSON! PLEASE GO TO MY SETTINGS SCREEN TO CHANGE MY SETTINGS.”

XD That is just frickin' awesome.


“You…. Stupid…. Pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!” Greg declared as he sprinted toward the livid bear, ready to fight his own pokemon.


“Alright, GREG USE YOUR DYNAMIC PUNCH ATTACK!” Greg ordered himself, resulting in many chuckles from bystanders.

*snort* It's stuff like this precisely that makes Greg so awesome. Greg ordering himself into battle is just...Hell yes. And, of course, you had to go and add to the magic with this:


Unfortunately, because of Dynamic Punch’s incredibly low accuracy, Greg found himself missing Slowpoke by a mile and tripping over his feet onto the floor instead.


Brian turned a bright shade of red that easily complimented his crimson hair at being called a hunk while Julie scowled at being called such a demeaning term as “diva.” She wanted to be called a hunk too!

“STOP MAKING FUN OF FEMINISTS JACKASS!” Julie cried out randomly, resulting in her getting anxious stares from everyone in the vicinity.

"Randomly". Another word I love.


We are going to finish this battle! And it will be a fun and educational experience that we will never forget!

THAT KICKS UNSPEAKABLE ***.


“Jiggly Jiggly (I’ll bust you kneecaps foo’)!”

THE BEST line thus far! And oh, frell...out-of-context, this is one of the funniest pieces of text in history. I absolutely adore it.


???
I don't know why this stuff makes me laugh, but it just does.


The seed pokemon responded by giving a little leap of victory, plummeting straight to the floor as Brian walked forward to go downstairs.


Jigglypuff grew tired of the stalemate and conked Machop in the head with her other hand as hard as she could, causing him to plummet nearly six feet down to the floor.

Actually, I think I do know what it is about those two clips, come to think of it: They both have something falling down. Always funny. Now, this, however...I can't begin to explain it, but it murders me every time I read it:


“OWW! WATCH WHERE YOUR LITTLE FREAK KICKS MY JIGGLYPUFF! GOD DAMN IT! OH MY…GAH!” Natalie sobbed as she clutched her bleeding nose with great care.

XDDDD *dies*


Well, thanks a lot, you've gone and killed me with funny. Please, do PM me whenever you update this; hopefully, I shall have been resurrected in time for the next installment. *departs to hell*

PDL
16th December 2005, 1:11 AM
quite a bit violent isn't it?

either way, it's still a halirous read, and excellent work on the description... though the only person who appears to be "normal" and not "exceptionally beautiful" is brian and maybe that Sailor with the Fearow

keep it up!

Riaf
16th December 2005, 2:46 AM
Aww, poor Greg. Becoming a pimp is so damn hard. I feel for you, Greg. XDDD

Dammit Fenit, do you like, got me on a wire? Me and Greg are like, equal. Espcially this:

“You…. Stupid…. Pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!

Lmao.

Kiyohime
16th December 2005, 3:01 AM
*head explodes*

LMAO. OMFG. WAFFLES!


“GET UP YOU FAT LARD! COME ON! MOVE RIGHT NOW!” Greg pleaded, taking a handful of Slowpoke’s back fat in a vain attempt to pull him away from the ship’s railing, only to find the blubber slipping from his hands each time.

I can picture that so clearly, it hurts. XD Slowpoke is waffle batter. X3


I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!” Greg declared as he sprinted toward the livid bear, ready to fight his own pokemon.

*falls off chair*


“HUBBA BEESA MEESA MOOOOOO!”

Ironically enough, that's pretty much what goes through my head when a beautiful girl catches my eye. XD

This is also the first time I've ever seen a creampuff give someone a bloody nose. XD Congratulations.

Saffire Persian
16th December 2005, 3:43 AM
0.o... THe title bothers you? Mmm... well, if you're worried about my story being a direct copy of the plot of Requiem, I can nearly (95%) assure you that it's not, given I've neither seen nor heard of the movie.. now, I have a favorite song that is the same title, but that's about it. But... yeah. Since this is so long of a chapter, I'll try a running commentary for this one.

Review for Ch. 2


It took nearly twenty minutes, but the S.S Mantine had finally anchored out of the Cianwood Port and began to ...

This sentence sounds awkward to me, and the but makes it awkward. "It took nearly twenty minutes BUT the S.S Mantine ... Doesn't that sound a bit odd? In my opinion, you should revise it to something like: "It took nearly twenty minutes for the S.S Mantine to finally get anchored out of the Cianwood Port..."

Ah - and technically, the names of ships are supposed to be italicized.



Most of the insensitive little brutes had made it their mission to head to the intestines of the ship

I love how you use "intestines" here... very unique.


Jolene and many other overprotective mothers were bawling into the sheets of their beds, not being able to see their babies for quite some time.

*eyes twitch*... Reminds me of my mother.



“Greg, sometimes I really wished you would just shut your mouth for an entire day.

Funny. But it's wish, not wished.


“And I sure wish you would stop being such a little PMS infested bi….”

XD... No comment.



“Damn it Greg! Even if you are an idiot, you can still beat me in a good old fashioned blinking contest!” Julie moaned ruefully, giving her brother a light punch in the arm.

“Oh don’t worry little sis, you’re still good at other things! Like being an ice cold bi…”

Normally, I'm not this nitpicky, but I'm doing a running commentary, so I notice and remember things better. In these two sentences, you need a comma before each direct address "Damn it, Greg" and "Oh don't worry, little sis" It's just the rules of grammar, I suppose - when it's an indirect address (Somebody talking to somebody about somebody else) you don't need one.

.


“GET UP YOU FAT LARD! COME ON! MOVE RIGHT NOW!”

Napoleon...Dynamite.




Machop and Slowpoke exchanged a look of grimace from their trainer’s sides. They knew Slowpoke the best and have seen the results of his true power a few times before.

Two things. One, don't you mean "Machop and Sunkern?" and "a look of grimace" doesn't sound right - maybe "exchanged grimaces" but not "a look of grimace."


“You…. Stupid…. Pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!”

Ladies and Gents, we have a narcissist on our hands. XD Y'anno, he's funny when he's mad. I choose you, Greg.. *snickers*



“Oh, the stupid human is going to get killed by Slowpoke. How unfortunate,”

Italics! Thank you!


When Greg got to his feet again, Slowpoke immediately let out a huge snarl and mauled his idiotic trainer as fiercely as he could.

Despite attack and defense stats being raised, it does lower speed - so don't you think he'd have a few seconds to try and get away from the enraged Slowpoke, who really is already slow by some means? XD



“That looked like a Poison Gas attack to me…” Machop commented.

Probably going to stab myself for this comment.. but I think Poison Gas would come from the other end... >.>

Note: The world hates Greg today.


“Jigg…alee..puff…jiggg…aleee…aleee…pufff….jig ga…al eepufff….jigg…aleeepufff…jigggg…allee….puff…jiggal eee…”

*Wonders vaguely what an English Translation of the song would be*


Julie and Brian smiled enthusiastically the Jigglypuff‘s trainer, whom they both knew very well.

Okay, they know her well.. but how, pray tell. I think it'd be good to explain just how, it doesn't have to be much detail, but something more than 'they knew her very well'.


Brian asked the girl named Natalie.

To me, the "asked the girl named Natalie" makes it sound as if Brian doesn't really know Natalie when he does. I think "asked Natalie" would be sufficient.


clashed well with her creamy white skin. Though she looked a little pale, she had a strange aura of beauty from her tall swimmer’s body and dark features that made guys like Greg go, “HUBBA BEESA MEESA MOOOOOO!”

Flinstone reference, there? Oh - and Clash is generally not the word that you would use in this sentence. Clashing means that they don't go well together. I'd recommend using a different word.


Natalie responded with her high and girly voice. Unlike Julie, she was in no way shape or form a feminist and instead was very feminine, though she definitely was no brainless bimbo.

This sentence was awkward. A feminist is someone who supports feminism.. so the use of instead was very feminine (You need a she after instead) seems rather... contrary to t he point you're trying to portray.. Perhaps I'm just not getting what you're trying to say...?


Timmy Turner got eaten by an Onix in Rock Tunnel in a tragic attempt to capture him with his bug catching net…. Either that, or he just had his straw hat stolen; it’s not like soccer moms do their research anyway.

Timmy Turner.. WHY does that name sound so familiar?



From behind of Nathan, a big mass of interlocking navy vines popped out and scurried over to Slowpoke. The only part of her round body not covered in vines was the small space in the center of her face where two white eyes peered out. One of the reason’s Nathan loved this grass pokemon called Tangela so much was that her little red feet were great for maintaining balance on a surfboard.

XD Funny. But... "Pokemon Called Tangela" seems unnecessary. We know it's a Tangela. Oh, and use "Behind Nathan" not "Behind of Nathan."


[/quote]The interior of the ship was just as amazing and stunning as everyone thought it would be. It looked more like one giant Rec Room with extensions to other rooms and a corner rife with fattening, tooth destroying refreshments. It was carpeted with beautiful Indian material and scattered with many comfortable chairs and couches (which Tangela and Machop placed Slowpoke and Greg on). For entertainment, multiple big screen televisions, game consoles, pool tables, foozball tables, in short, all the things that a teenager would love were spread out all around the different rooms. Nathan pointed to another stairway on the right wall with a large picture of a gold and green Pokeball painted over it. Below it lay the Battle Room, a room designed in memory of little Timothy, where trainers could safely have their “first” battles under the supervision of certified sailors. [/quote]

I want to go on tat.... And I think you mean "Ripe" not "Rife"... and Timothy... Eh.. Unless you mean a different person other than the "Timmy Turner" you were talking about...


Machop stared in horror at the human he hurt, though he was on the floor laughing internally. Julie, Brian, and Nathan also looked at the sobbing, bleeding Natalie with horror, but because of their cruel, teenager instincts they also began to chortle fiercely, but seriously trying with all their efforts to hold it back!

0_o... dunno what side I should be on here. xD


“Guys stop being so mean! You guys are Natalie’s friends and….oh who the hell am I kidding? This is hilarious!” Nathan chastised, holding his stomach laughing at Natalie’s misfortune as well.

IF this was not a comedy story, I would get ya on that one. (About the characters laughing it off when Natalie got hit in the face instead of helping her, like most normal friends would) XD...

[/quote]
“Jiggly Jiggly (I’ll bust you kneecaps foo’)!”

“Now, Jigglypuff. MELEE STYLE!” Natalie ordered pointing furiously at Machop. [/quote]

XD... No comment.

[/quote]

“SHUT UP JERK! Congratulations Julie! That was a pretty good battle! Poor Jigglypuff though, she must be really hurt! Sorry about how *****y I got earlier, friends?” Natalie asked Julie as she cradled her pokemon like a mother with one hand and held the mass of tissues to her nose with the other. [/quote]

She sure is speaking normally, despite having a wad of tissues up against her nose.


“No problem! I’m sure little Timmy and his hat would be very proud!”

I'm sure he is. XD..

Overall, nice chapter - long, but nice. Many funny parts abounded - though Greg 'thinking' he was a Pokemon was the best out of it all. Keep it up, I can't type anymore. XD

PDL
16th December 2005, 3:54 AM
Timmy Turner.. WHY does that name sound so familiar?

perhaps he has two clefairies named Wanda and Cosmo? XD

IceKing
16th December 2005, 5:42 PM
Whee! Time for my huge review response section

Shiny Miteyana:


Yay! I’m a first reviewer! I loved this remake! It so rocked! Just thought I’d put in my favourite parts in a post and add a comment of two:

Thanks for being the first reviewer!



Who wouldn’t? I personally would have bet ten bucks on the Slowpoke smothering him sumo style… gassy after effects of breakfast would have made a cool ending.

I woulda bet against Greg too XD And I don't think I'll ever use a fart joke, I dont like them.


That is soooo Greg… sees a pretty girl and all he can say is that? Poor fool, must be totally retarded.

Thats the description of Greg in a nutshell XD


Ooh, is that a Rock Lee stance?

Perhaps. One of those ancient Japanese fighting stances anyway...


Isn’t that:

I can float like a Butterfree but sting like a Beedrill!” ?

Or is that for humour?


Tis for humor. Jigglypuff SINGS not STINGS

Sike Saner: Woah I didn't expect a review out of you! But you still gave on thanks!


Frelling frell frell. FRELL! Pure frickin' magic, this; funny as hell, on many levels, and the characters are highly enjoyable (especially Greg, who kicks 300 kiloasses per second). There was an ungodly assload of highlightable clips; out of mercy, I shall only present half an ungodly assload. Basically the stuff that got the biggest laughs out of me. So, here:


Nice to know you laughed so much too XD I take pride in my charachters and their extremeness



There were a couple of other passages that were funny in the "making fun of typical-ness" way, but this one is my favorite. Probably mostly because I am curiously amused by the word "boring".

Oh yes, there will be a lot of JOurney Fic jokes


That is one of my favorite summaries of a Pok&#233;mon's appearance EVER. Also one of the most accurate.

It is true o_0


"Banana" is one of THE VERY funniest words, and bananas are among the highest-ranking funny foods (along with pie, cheese, hot dogs, corn, potatoes, burgers, bacon, pickles, gumballs, and fudge).


Oh...you haven't seen the last of that banana *evil smile*


After reading paragraphs of description and history of the Pok&#233;mon characters, that hits like a brick. Friggin' brilliant. ^_^

That's exactly what I was aiming for since I took an hour writing all that info down and needed to slam the reader back in.


AH! XD Because of that, I will now always imagine Slowpoke to sound like Napoleon Dynamite. *has also now been made to imagine Slowpoke with the hair to match* o_0 MOVING ON!

XD XD, your the third person to say Slowpoke reminds you of Napoleon Dynamite. I've never even seen the movie XD. But I suppose Slowpoke is sorta like him


*snort* It's stuff like this precisely that makes Greg so awesome. Greg ordering himself into battle is just...Hell yes. And, of course, you had to go and add to the magic with this:

Glad to know you love Greg so soon!


THE BEST line thus far! And oh, frell...out-of-context, this is one of the funniest pieces of text in history. I absolutely adore it.

That's my very own signature comedy line (along with Hubba Beesa Meesa MOOO!). People always crack up when they see a small person like me declaring it


Well, thanks a lot, you've gone and killed me with funny. Please, do PM me whenever you update this; hopefully, I shall have been resurrected in time for the next installment. *departs to hell*

I knew if you'd read you'd prolly die from funny. Have fun in hell! Next chapter up sometime next week!

PDL:

quite a bit violent isn't it?

either way, it's still a halirous read, and excellent work on the description... though the only person who appears to be "normal" and not "exceptionally beautiful" is brian and maybe that Sailor with the Fearow

keep it up!


Oh come on, it's not ALL that violent now. If I truly wanted to be violent, mwah hah hah. MWAH HAH HAH HAH! Thank you so much for pointing out that last bit, I remembered that Natalie wasn't supposed to be all beautiful for the second version because I didn't want her to sound Mary-Sueish but then I kinda forgot... Do you think I should keep her beautiful or change her to plain? Also, Brian is a bit too normal to the point where its boring. One of the things that will go in the fic is that he'll try and find his own crazy trait.

Riaf:

Aww, poor Greg. Becoming a pimp is so damn hard. I feel for you, Greg. XDDD

Dammit Fenit, do you like, got me on a wire? Me and Greg are like, equal. Espcially this:


Yep, the life of a pimp just aint easy :( And I actually based Greg off of myself, thuogh the whole idea of Greg came from a comic relief charachter named Jeff in Search for Knowledge, by GoldenNoctowl77. Greg is much more retarded and flirty though, like me!

Scrap:

*head explodes*

LMAO. OMFG. WAFFLES!


w00t! Waffles!


This is also the first time I've ever seen a creampuff give someone a bloody nose. XD Congratulations.

Oh, all sorts of pokemon will defy all sorts of laws! Thanks for the review Scrap!

Saffire Persian

Since this is so long of a chapter, I'll try a running commentary for this one.

lol, I ALWAYS do commentaries. Now I get to know waht it feels like XD And most of the chapters will be longer o_0. Though there willl be short ones as well


This sentence sounds awkward to me, and the but makes it awkward. "It took nearly twenty minutes BUT the S.S Mantine ... Doesn't that sound a bit odd? In my opinion, you should revise it to something like: "It took nearly twenty minutes for the S.S Mantine to finally get anchored out of the Cianwood Port..."

Ah - and technically, the names of ships are supposed to be italicized.

It makes perfect sense to me actually. The ship has been in harbor for so long and now finally there going off. I'll consult someone else and see what I can change it too. And Ill italisize the ship name :)


*eyes twitch*... Reminds me of my mother.


And mine :)


Normally, I'm not this nitpicky, but I'm doing a running commentary, so I notice and remember things better. In these two sentences, you need a comma before each direct address "Damn it, Greg" and "Oh don't worry, little sis" It's just the rules of grammar, I suppose - when it's an indirect address (Somebody talking to somebody about somebody else) you don't need one.


Im the queen of nitpickiness, don't worry! And yes, i should have known that but I kinda just forgot...


Two things. One, don't you mean "Machop and Sunkern?" and "a look of grimace" doesn't sound right - maybe "exchanged grimaces" but not "a look of grimace."


Thanks. I like the word grimace but am not completely familiar with it


Ladies and Gents, we have a narcissist on our hands. XD Y'anno, he's funny when he's mad. I choose you, Greg.. *snickers*



Narcissist, retarded, flirty, big bro, future husband to a manatee woman...what ISNT Greg?


Despite attack and defense stats being raised, it does lower speed - so don't you think he'd have a few seconds to try and get away from the enraged Slowpoke, who really is already slow by some means? XD


I kept that in mind, doesn't really take much speed to just leap up and maul a person who is already paralyzed by fear because he's a little sissy boy.


*Wonders vaguely what an English Translation of the song would be*

Prolly Toxic, by Brittany Spears



Okay, they know her well.. but how, pray tell. I think it'd be good to explain just how, it doesn't have to be much detail, but something more than 'they knew her very well'.


To me, the "asked the girl named Natalie" makes it sound as if Brian doesn't really know Natalie when he does. I think "asked Natalie" would be sufficient.

Thanks for pointing that out! I was worried about how I introduce charachters that are known to MY charachters but not to my readers. I'll go and fool around with that


Flinstone reference, there? Oh - and Clash is generally not the word that you would use in this sentence. Clashing means that they don't go well together. I'd recommend using a different word.

Reference to a line I had in another fic that people liked XD And Ill change clashed


This sentence was awkward. A feminist is someone who supports feminism.. so the use of instead was very feminine (You need a she after instead) seems rather... contrary to t he point you're trying to portray.. Perhaps I'm just not getting what you're trying to say...?


Feminism and feminine are two different things, aren't they? I'll change the word to make it sound less confusing


Timmy Turner.. WHY does that name sound so familiar?


Hmm, I know! That name sounded familiar to me too, but it flowed nicely which is why I used it.


XD Funny. But... "Pokemon Called Tangela" seems unnecessary. We know it's a Tangela. Oh, and use "Behind Nathan" not "Behind of Nathan."

Will fix!


I want to go on tat.... And I think you mean "Ripe" not "Rife"... and Timothy... Eh.. Unless you mean a different person other than the "Timmy Turner" you were talking about...

No, I mean rife, which means full of, abudant with. And Timothy was used to make it sound more respetful.


0_o... dunno what side I should be on here. xD


IF this was not a comedy story, I would get ya on that one. (About the characters laughing it off when Natalie got hit in the face instead of helping her, like most normal friends would) XD...
Pssh, there horrible people. And even know the situation was quite funny, they were trying to help her! I'll continue more on that for a few lines in the beginning of Chappie 3


She sure is speaking normally, despite having a wad of tissues up against her nose.

AHHH! THANKS FOR REMINDING ME! i was going to grab my Harry Potter and Order of the Phoenix book and use it as a guide while proofreading, but forgot as well XD


Overall, nice chapter - long, but nice. Many funny parts abounded - though Greg 'thinking' he was a Pokemon was the best out of it all. Keep it up, I can't type anymore. XD

And thank YOU for reviewing! Im gonna warn you to only do commentaries if you're REALLY bored and is up to the task! Its painful being a commentator :(

PDL AGAIN:

perhaps he has two clefairies named Wanda and Cosmo? XD

AHHHHHHH! THATS WHERE I HEARD THE NAME FROM!!!! Hmm, Ill keep it as an allusion XD



THank you so much for the reviews everyone! Ill get started on chapter three today and hopefully it will be up by next week. And have a merry winter/christmas (whatever you want to call it) break everyone!

PikaPikaChu
16th December 2005, 5:58 PM
Jules
OMG! MY NAME : O

Anyways, very good fic, very funny ^^

Hoenn Warrior
17th December 2005, 8:51 PM
Another Hilarious chapter!! Poor Greg gets man handled or in this case Poke handled by his Slowpoke. This should show him to treat Slowpoke with MORE respect. And poor Natalie, someone so beautiful getting mauled in the face with her own Pokemon!! Cant wait to see the battle between Brian and Nathan.

Deoxys Trainer
18th December 2005, 12:18 AM
A Fairly Oddparents reference thing? O.O??? HUH??? Maybe he wished himself there to prove Pokemon exists.....

;386-a;

cyndaquil_dratini
18th December 2005, 4:24 AM
ohhhh, I didn't like this chapter as much as the first one, but the first one was SO GOOD it was probably too much of me to expect.

The funniest bit was obviously when Greg battled his slowpoke, I loved that bit.

I think what I like less about this chapter is that the humour is less witty and clever- there are more jokes about people hitting themselves and falling on things. Try not to let the quality of your jokes slip as the story goes on- maybe its just a personal opinion about what kind of humour I like better. I liked the fight between Greg and Julie, that was very observant of you- its funny, because people do fight like that- it reminds me of me and my sister, or me and my boyfriend. I can relate, which makes it funny for me.

I am so glad you didn't succumb to the old fart joke..the greg-having-sex-with-slowpoke line was stretching it a little. It seems like some of your readers are fans of these type of things, but I'm proud of you for keepign the standard up there. haha. I'm proud. Like you're my son or something. Impressed is maybe a better word.

Since your first chapter was so funny, I have faith that the story will keep going, so please PM me when you post a new chapter. I love this fic like I love my own mother.

IceKing
18th December 2005, 4:00 PM
OMG! MY NAME : O

Anyways, very good fic, very funny ^^

Woah, unexpected review! And I based Julie off of a friend, are you my friend?



Another Hilarious chapter!! Poor Greg gets man handled or in this case Poke handled by his Slowpoke. This should show him to treat Slowpoke with MORE respect.

Maybe it will be a sign for him in the future, but as of now, he aint about to treat that Slowpoke with respect


And poor Natalie, someone so beautiful getting mauled in the face with her own Pokemon!! Cant wait to see the battle between Brian and Nathan.


Yes, I was debating whether to hurt Natalie or not... I really liked the Jigglypuff-Machop fight, hopefully my Tangela-SUnkern battle will be just as satisfying


A Fairly Oddparents reference thing? O.O??? HUH??? Maybe he wished himself there to prove Pokemon exists.....

Nah, its just a hidden reference like all the hidden Zelda references I have later on


ohhhh, I didn't like this chapter as much as the first one, but the first one was SO GOOD it was probably too much of me to expect

Same here, this and the next chapter won't be alll that exciting (other than the Slowpoke-Greg battle of course) but some of the later ones will be pretty funny/actionous!




I think what I like less about this chapter is that the humour is less witty and clever- there are more jokes about people hitting themselves and falling on things. Try not to let the quality of your jokes slip as the story goes on- maybe its just a personal opinion about what kind of humour I like better.

I try out different types of humor which is why this one wasn't as appealing to you. I personally liked witty best, but I want to try out different things.



liked the fight between Greg and Julie, that was very observant of you- its funny, because people do fight like that- it reminds me of me and my sister, or me and my boyfriend. I can relate, which makes it funny for me.

Yep, I was about to give them a regular fight but realized that even if their polar opposites they're still twins and love each other very much


I am so glad you didn't succumb to the old fart joke..the greg-having-sex-with-slowpoke line was stretching it a little.

0_0. Where on Earth did you get the idea that Greg was having sex with Slowpoke??? The whole Slowpoke climbing on top of him was sort of like being pinned down by a big blood sucking monster...not a sexual partner...


I'm proud. Like you're my son or something. Impressed is maybe a better word.

Aww, that made me fel very happy.


Since your first chapter was so funny, I have faith that the story will keep going, so please PM me when you post a new chapter. I love this fic like I love my own mother.

Yeah...if you didn't like this chapter you probably wont like chapter three but still there will be Chapter 1 like chapters later on. And I love your mother like I love this fic :)

PikaPikaChu
19th December 2005, 2:38 AM
Woah, unexpected review! And I based Julie off of a friend, are you my friend?
No. Why? Im a boy :p

blackemerald
19th December 2005, 1:00 PM
Someday Iceking, I will sue for all these laughing comas you keep putting me into.

Funny and exellent as always. The charaters are so enjoyable, especially Greg. Most of the other members have corrected your mistakes, so that only leaves the funny momemts for me to quote.


Sunkern and Machop prattling away in their own little language about the two things that mattered most to a pokemon: shiny things and The O.C..

My parents are obsessed about the O.C, always scrambling for the remote when it comes on, maybe that's why I liked this bit.


Upon hearing Greg’s question, Slowpoke turned to his trainer, temporarily out of his usual day dreaming state.

“Slow…. Slow… (Who are you again)?”

Poor Slowpoke, after only minutes of setting sail forgetting who his trainer is. Perhaps the sea makes you froget more that you think... *Goes into deep meditation state*



“And I sure wish you would stop being such a little PMS infested bi….”

“OK GUYS! Who wants to go downstairs? I’m sure that there are lots of fun and dandy things do to in there! What do you guys say? Eh? Eh?” Brian yelled out nervously, before Greg could finish his rather insulting remark.

Good, caring Brian, always saving Greg before he had a new home sleeping under the sea.



“Shut up Mr. Imgoingtoenduponthestreetswithnojobandafourhundred poundgirlfriendwhoIhavetospoonfeedbecauseshestooda mnfattogetuponherown!”

Just plain awsome.



For the first time in many years, Slowpoke finally made a reaction that didn’t involve gazing blankly with his mouth hanging wide open. Slowpoke slowly turned to face Greg with a face of utmost fury. His large eyes were narrowed in dislike, and his normally wide and gaping mouth had been reduced to a thin, annoyed line. After he glared at his trainer for a few seconds, he took in a big breath and opened his wide mouth as vastly as he could. Surprising everyone who watched, a thick pillar of foaming water fired out of the “fat lard’s” mouth and struck Greg squarely in the chest, drenching his clothes and causing him to crash into the ship’s side railings.


“You…. stupid…. pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!” Greg declared as he sprinted toward the livid bear, ready to fight his own pokemon.



“Alright, GREG USE YOUR DYNAMIC PUNCH ATTACK!” Greg ordered himself, resulting in many chuckles from bystanders. He nodded to himself in acceptance and began to pull back his right arm as far as he could. His remotely powerful biceps began to quiver as he flexed them with all of his might and launched himself toward Slowpoke, still standing several feet away. Unfortunately, because of Dynamic Punch’s incredibly low accuracy, Greg found himself missing Slowpoke by a mile and tripping over his feet onto the floor instead.


“All…right…Greg…use…a…Flamethrower… attack!” Greg ordered feebly to himself, still trying to escape from the clutches of the blubbery weight that was his bear pokemon. He finally stopped trying to struggle his way out of getting raped by the bear pokemon and relaxed himself. After closing his eyes in deep tranquility for several seconds, he opened his mouth as wide as he could and blew a stream of putrid breath into Slowpoke’s nostrils.

“That looked like a Poison Gas attack to me…” Machop commented.

We can always count on Greg giving us entertaiment by making an a** of himself.

Keep up the good work!

~B.E

indigestible_wad
19th December 2005, 9:38 PM
Meh, I'm not in the mood to review right now. Whatev. This was a great story, I especially liked the part where joey went to harvard.

Nah, I think I can do better than that.

It was carpeted with beautiful Indian material Indian or Native American?

and Julie with a look that said “Help me now or else I will beat comma
You did have a better chapter this time than last. Atleast in my opinion. You do have much comedy that really does wondrs in context of itself. There were errors, so you are human, but you a great job at covering them up. But even in the midst of all this humor, you still find a way to put in good description.

It's also amazing how many reviews of countless quotes in their posts can make a page longer than many chapters on one page. Up down, up down.

Elemental Charizam
20th December 2005, 8:30 PM
Here I am to review at long last!


Nearly twenty minutes after the children finally boarded the ship, the S.S. Mantine had finally anchored out of the Cianwood Port and began to turn away from the seaside city to head towards Olivine City. Most of the insensitive little brutes had made it their mission to head to the intestines of the ship as soon as possible and see what laid inside, but Brian, the twins, and several other teenagers were nice and sentimental enough to give their beautiful city one last gaze as the horizon slowly devoured and chewed it. Somewhere in the city, Jolene and many other overprotective mothers were bawling into the sheets of their beds, not being able to see their babies for quite some time. After about another thirty minutes, Cianwood was fully engulfed by the treacherous sea, and the trio turned to officially begin their Whirl Island Quest at last.
Pretty nice description at the beggining again; they set the scene for the rest of the chapter, and are kept fresh and funny by creative metaphors and the occasional joke. Actually, the way the sea is described make it sound rather ominous - if I didn't already know what was going to happen I'd say they were gonna crash :D


The tension between Greg and Julie reached an all time zenith, more frigid than an Articuno breath on a cold, blizzard stabbed day.
You know your original version of that sentence was better ;) May > Articuno...


“Greg, sometimes I really wish you would just shut your mouth for an entire day. Is it really that hard?” Julie muttered to herself.

“And I sure wish you would stop being such a little PMS infested bi….”

“OK GUYS! Who wants to go downstairs? I’m sure that there are lots of fun and dandy things do to in there! What do you guys say? Eh? Eh?” Brian yelled out nervously, before Greg could finish his rather insulting remark.
Best arguing ever... Really captures the true essence of siblng rivalries. Brian as a charachter seems to be better defined this time round - he's got a clear role in the group as the peacekeeper between Greg and Julie.

The Greg battle is as hillarious as ever, but I'll leave a quote out as its all so quotable and I don't want to turn this into some 3 page review or something ;D I think its better this time, as it reads smoother and it makes Greg look a bit more pathetic XD


Julie and Brian smiled enthusiastically at the Jigglypuff‘s trainer, who was a good friend of their's from school.
No need for that apostrophe there Fenit. I think you could've said a bit more about Natalie and how her relations where with 'Da Gang'; If she ever re-appears, maybe give her background a bit more fleshing out? Oh yeah, and for Nathan too, but nobody loves him...


Machop immediately leaped high into the hair and extended his right arm as far forward as he could. His karate chopping palm shined brightly with pure physical force manifested in the form of white light. Though the force of the Karate Chop could probably crack her skull, Jigglypuff remained calm and started to sing once again with her eyes tightly closed.
hair XD Great typo...

Apart from that typo, the battle sequence was pretty good. For an early battle it was very long, but I didn't notice at all. It was pretty violent, what with the nose breaking, but not to the ridiculous levels some supposedly serious authors go to. Being humour, you can get away with comedy violence, and this was a battle that I envisioned totally in anime style, because I just couldn't imagine a fluffy Jigglypuff being punched around like a volleyball in real life. Just that was funny enough... Not to mention the 'funny 'cause its true' teenage cruelty moment :D

There was enough battling to satisfy the adrenaline loving battle freaks (freaks in a good way) and enough humour to keep those comedy purists amused. Keep the good stuff coming Fenit!

IceKing
21st December 2005, 9:54 PM
BE:


Someday Iceking, I will sue for all these laughing comas you keep putting me into.

Mwah hah hah! Just go and try! I have Michael Jackson's lawyer by my side! He can get you away with anything!


My parents are obsessed about the O.C, always scrambling for the remote when it comes on, maybe that's why I liked this bit.

I stared blankly for five minutes to think of what to put in that line and thats what came.


Good, caring Brian, always saving Greg before he had a new home sleeping under the sea.

LOL


We can always count on Greg giving us entertaiment by making an a** of himself.

Keep up the good work!

Of course you can :P Thanks for reviewing!

IW:

Meh, I'm not in the mood to review right now. Whatev. This was a great story, I especially liked the part where joey went to harvard.

...There's a Joey in my fic???


Indian or Native American?

Indian. We're more associated with carpets :P I have a few magic carpets of my own!


You did have a better chapter this time than last. Atleast in my opinion. You do have much comedy that really does wondrs in context of itself. There were errors, so you are human, but you a great job at covering them up. But even in the midst of all this humor, you still find a way to put in good description.

Thanks! Now me and FloatingFlames were having a little debate, in your review for Chapter Three, could you say whether it's a good thing or bad thing to be able to cover up your mistakes? And thanks for the description comment, a reviewer in the original version said that he couldn't picture anything at all, then again that person has insane levels of description XD


It's also amazing how many reviews of countless quotes in their posts can make a page longer than many chapters on one page. Up down, up down.


lol, is that a good thing or a bad thing? My chapters are quite long, you gotta give me that. Damn, last time the first four chapters were all in one page XD The way its going, I'm looking for 4 pages-Four chapters

EC:

Pretty nice description at the beggining again; they set the scene for the rest of the chapter, and are kept fresh and funny by creative metaphors and the occasional joke. Actually, the way the sea is described make it sound rather ominous - if I didn't already know what was going to happen I'd say they were gonna crash

*cough*


You know your original version of that sentence was better May > Articuno...

Yes, but it probably would have scared off several reviewers. If you want the X-rated description of the tension between Greg and Julie, please PM me!


Best arguing ever... Really captures the true essence of siblng rivalries. Brian as a charachter seems to be better defined this time round - he's got a clear role in the group as the peacekeeper between Greg and Julie.


And boring lawyer guy XD Thanks a lot for your help with that!


The Greg battle is as hillarious as ever, but I'll leave a quote out as its all so quotable and I don't want to turn this into some 3 page review or something ;D I think its better this time, as it reads smoother and it makes Greg look a bit more pathetic XD

Aww come on! Nothign wrong with a 3 page review *misses Burnt Flower*


No need for that apostrophe there Fenit. I think you could've said a bit more about Natalie and how her relations where with 'Da Gang'; If she ever re-appears, maybe give her background a bit more fleshing out? Oh yeah, and for Nathan too, but nobody loves him...


Yeah, I think I'll add a paragraph in. I'm did it for the other Cianwood Bunch that would play a big role


hair XD Great typo...


*goes to fix*


Apart from that typo, the battle sequence was pretty good. For an early battle it was very long, but I didn't notice at all. It was pretty violent, what with the nose breaking, but not to the ridiculous levels some supposedly serious authors go to. Being humour, you can get away with comedy violence, and this was a battle that I envisioned totally in anime style, because I just couldn't imagine a fluffy Jigglypuff being punched around like a volleyball in real life. Just that was funny enough... Not to mention the 'funny 'cause its true' teenage cruelty moment

Yep, I get inspiration from Anime. The battle was quite long...I fear having to write 6 on 6 battles later on. Im making a chaptered fic out of one already...


There was enough battling to satisfy the adrenaline loving battle freaks (freaks in a good way) and enough humour to keep those comedy purists amused. Keep the good stuff coming Fenit!

Tis my goal! Thanks for the review EC!

indigestible_wad
21st December 2005, 10:01 PM
...There's a Joey in my fic???
I was making fun of the fact that I wasn't paying attention to the story. If that makes any sense.

And what do you mean by covering up your mistakes? Who are you specifying about, and well anything else would be explained in the coming chapter.

Ryano Ra
28th December 2005, 5:22 PM
Wonderful.

Simply wonderful.

And unbearably awesome. ^^

You have like the King of Comedy, IceKing. Your funny elements have mostly been pointed out my Sike Saner, so I think I don't need to repeat them...but maybe I will later on, just to laugh again! ^^ You have drastically changed in your writing abilities, especially in description. I must say, that is one of many things that have gotten better, for in the first version, it was good, but not enough for me to get a valid picture. Now, it is clear and nicely described, for description shouldn't be of too much worry with the comedy elements spreading east and west, north and south of the entire fanfiction. ^^ It is wonderful as it is. Characters have gotten so much better, they are much more enjoyable. I still love that Slowpoke and Greg, they are still my favorite characters. What more can I say? It's awesome, and you have done justice to your improving abilities. Until I return for the next review.

xXSaberXx
30th December 2005, 1:13 AM
Sunkern and Machop prattling away in their own little language about the two things that mattered most to a pokemon: shiny things and The O.C..

OH YOU SLAY ME. I hate the O.C. But still. THE FUNNINESS STRIKES ME!


Jiggly Jiggly (I’ll bust yo kneecaps foo’)!”

I think I just died. Holy ****. That's hard to imagine. But.....yeah. IM DEAD NOW OUT OF LAUGHTER SO PLZ someone go get me a pheonix down or revive OR SOMETHING plzkthnx.

Awesome chap. I really like Natalie though. Julie is cool now. D: Though.....a feminist....right? Aww...feminists. I hate them. Itchy and loud. xPPPPP ROFL. Kidding. /thekiba reference.

IceKing
2nd January 2006, 4:42 PM
BTW, for those who voted the didn't like sections of the polls, please tell me what you dont like about the fic! I wanna know what people hate as well as what they like... Also WHOO I HIT 1100 views. ANd big thanks to all my reviewers. I never expected to have this many great reviewers.

Serpent Syra:Whoo! Serpent Syra is reviewing. I still am shocked to know you closet read to original. And yes, Sike Saner seems to have taken the place of main funny element pointer outer. And I'm glad to know my description has improved, that was my main goal in the revision! Its also nice to hear that the Description King likes my description. Thanks for your review!

xxSaberxx- Z0MG ITTS SABER!1! As much as I loved that kneecaps line, I shouldnt have used it so early since it is my signature comedy line XD I got a clear picture of what Natalie looks like in my head now, its super hard to describe. Nice to know you like her, I wasn't too fond of her or Nathan, even though they are recurring charachters. And yes, Julie is a feminist :P And still remains my favorite charachter to write!

At last, here is chapter three!









A/N- This chapter is another 14 pages. I'm sorry the S.S. Mantine ride is taking so long, its the battles <_<... Next chapter will be the LAST ship chapter and then they'll finally get on the mainland! Also the next chapter SHOULD be under the 10 page mark, since it was originally only 6 and doesnt have too many things needing revision, though I did transfer some gags over. Also, I sincerely apologize for the battles because they might be a tad bit boring. Tangela and Sunkern are just NOT interesting pokemon (well, as of this point) to battle. I would appreciate a mention of my battle writing in a review....



Chapter 2.5- All Aboard the S.S. Mantine! Part Two!

“Here Babe, feeling better yet?” Nathan asked his best friend soothingly while he caressed her back and handed her more tissues.

Natalie nodded softly as he wrapped on arms around her, and she rested her head against his right shoulder. They sat on their side of the battlefield, waiting until the blood pouring out of Natalie’s nose finally became stagnant. Julie and Brian avoided each other’s eyes, trying not to shout out the obvious to the two oblivious teenagers in front of them. The four chattered for the next fifteen minutes, waiting for Natalie to heal and Jigglypuff to finally come out of her mini-coma.

“Alright, I’m fine now. Thanks a lot, Nathan, I believe it’s time for your battle with Brian. Battle of the grass types…” Natalie commented as she stood up and wiped away the remnants of the blood from her nose with her hand.

Julie gave a small smile and pat on the back to Brian who stepped up to his part of the battlefield with a nervous Sunkern by his side. Sunkern pursed her tiny mouth tight and slowly hopped forward, keeping her eyes on the large vine pokemon in front of her. All the pokemon she ever fought were weak like Ratatta or buzzed like that Aipom from the heavy metal concert. Tangela would be the first real challenge she ever had. Meanwhile, the vine pokemon simply smirked to herself, not worried at all since she did inherit her trainer’s over confidence.

“Bring it on Shorty! Don‘t know what Carrot Top over there sees in you…” Tangela taunted, drawing out a lone, teal vine and pointing it at herself.

“The only reason Surfer over there likes you is because he’s into bondage!” the seed pokemon responded, giving herself a tiny boost of confidence. Brian smiled at the two pokemon, wondering what absolutely wonderful and pleasant things they were saying to each other, and looked down at his own Sunkern before kneeling down to her ear.

“All right Sunkern, here we go! First official battle… we’ve practiced pretty damn fiercely enough to make little Timmy’s hat turn in its rocky prison! All right, Absorb and Mega Drain may be our only attacks now, but we also have Growth on our hands! Power up and then all out, that’s our strategy! Hmm, wonder what this I-Poke thing has to say about Tangela…”

Sunkern gave an assuring nod to her trainer, who in turn pointed the tiny device of wonders at the opposing pokemon after pressing the wrong button multiple times. A holographic image of a Tangela immediately projected forward from the I-Poke’s screen and at the same monotonous voice began to speak once more.

“Tangela, the grass pokemon. This pokemon is famous for being one of the few grass pokemon who rely on powerful physical abilities (namely their vines) and has no evolutions or pre-evolutions. This one is currently at level sixteen and knows Constrict, Sleep Powder, and Vine Whip.

“Hey! It’s that I-Poke Mini thing that you were telling me about earlier! Wow, it is such a technological innovation! I can’t wait to get my mother to buy me one yet again for Christmas!” Nathan cried out with the same blank and rehearsed expression and voice Chuck had earlier. The three humans and four pokemon gave him an odd look for a few seconds, before looking back to the battlefield.

Sunkern and Tangela gazed at each other warily, anxiously awaiting for the first orders…

“VINE WHIP!”

“DODGE AND ABSORB!”

Tangela immediately clamped her eyes shut and shot forward two thick teal vines at the seed pokemon. Sunkern inhaled a good deal of air, puffing up her tiny chest and preparing to make her first move. She stood adamantly on the ground until the thick vines were only a few inches and a split second away from her. Right before they struck her, she hopped a few inches up into the air and leaned toward the right. Tangela’s eyes narrowed in annoyance, considering it an insult that the seed pokemon could think she could escape the attack by simply jumping. The vine pokemon redirected her vines toward the right to finish the job, however, Sunkern giggled like usual and changed direction mid-air to the left.

“I hear surfing makes you lose brain cells!”

As Sunkern fell safely to ground left of the vines, Tangela lost control of her attack which kept on speeding to the right and couldn’t change direction. The seed pokemon took advantage of this and began to use her Absorb attack. Standing very still, she closed her eyes gracefully and began to glow a light green shade. The light then began to surround the struggling Tangela as well. Tangela stopped trying to pull her vines in and temporarily looked at the dim light surrounding her before shrugging it off and going back to her internal struggle. Tiny bubbles of the same green color began to pop out and drift away from the vine pokemon and toward Sunkern, but they disappeared before they even floated two feet! Both Brian and his pokemon stood in disbelief at the failure of the attack while Nathan and his own pokemon just stood and laughed.

“Pssh, come on Brian I thought you were smarter than that. Grass attacks have very little effect on other Grass pokemon. You Phail!” Nathan commented.

“Have you been surfing, Shorty?”

Sunkern scowled at her opponent, and Brian began to scratch the side of his head vigorously, something he did whenever he thought particularly hard. Out of the blue, Tangela’s vines finally stopped in mid-air and immediately swept toward Sunkern once more, this time with the auxiliary of a third vine. Brian immediately stopped thinking and decided to go with his gut and first instinct.

“Mega Drain!”

Sunkern screwed her eyes tightly in concentration, and the light surrounding her grew much larger to a bright yellow color, making her look like a tiny little sun. The same light surrounded Tangela once more, but it made little difference as all three vines came crashing into the seed pokemon! The four trainers let out a groan of pain as Sunkern struggled to get up once more, three bright red marks now on her chest. Tangela let her vines droop to the floor as she huffed and puffed; controlling three fifteen feet long vines going nearly fifteen m.p.h was no easy feat. Sunkern brought herself to full height, huffing and puffing as well. She stared at the cocky pokemon, who raised the tips of her vines toward herself, with burning disdain. There was no way she was about to let Brian down.

“SUNKERRRN!”

Though she didn’t officially know the attack, Sunkern launched herself with considerable speed toward her opponent in a full blown tackle. Time seemed to slow down as Sunkern sped through the air, defying the taunts of all of her greatest critics. Julie and Natalie’s eyes slowly followed the little yellow blur while Brian’s fist circled in the air as he encouraged his pokemon. Nathan let out his hand and cried out the typical “Nooooo!” as the speedy Sunkern made contact with his wide-eyed Tangela…

She bounced off.

“Damn you Nature!!!”

Time immediately went back to normal as Sunkern struggled to stand once more after being knocked back from the excessive force of her own attack. Nathan struggled to command an attack while laughing his head off, but Tangela was also too busy to obey, rolling around the battlefield in a fit of laughter. Sunkern and Brian had turned a similar shade of crimson as they slowly shook in their spots. The seed pokemon turned to face her trainer who nodded back at her. No one laughs at them and gets away with it!

“Ok Sunkern, no more playing around! I have a plan; I want you to dodge all of Tangela’s attacks and every single time you get even a split second of safety, use Growth! Keep this until that overgrown weed gets exhausted!” Brian commanded, with his eyes stone cold with anger and his finger quivering at Nathan and Tangela.

“Calm down Brian, yeesh! It’s just a battle ya know!” Nathan said, looking worried at the looks of anger on the two opponents faces, though nowhere close to Natalie’s rage against Julie. “Oh, and I have a plan as well! Tangela, bring Sunkern close to you! Don’t care how, just do it!”

“Who are you calling a weed, Carrot Top?”

Tangela got up to her feet at once and stared at Sunkern who was flashing light green with a Growth attack. Rolling her eyes at the puny pokemon’s attempts to be big and strong, Tangela shot off several vines toward the seed pokemon, in hopes of carrying out her trainer’s orders and bring the enemy close. Grinning broadly, Sunkern leaped over the vines and hopped all around the battlefield, avoiding Tangela’s vines which steadily increased in number and occasionally flashing light green with a Growth attack whenever she got the chance.

While this continued, Julie and Natalie began to talk to each other. They were no longer by their male friends but rather sitting together in the center of the right side of the battlefield with their pokemon, watching the battle from up close. Machop laid down on his stomach and watched the battle with his fists on his cheeks while Jigglypuff was awake and flaring, though struggling to get out of her trainer’s arms to give Machop a nice slap for beating her in battle.

“This is a pretty good battle, though it will only be better than ours if Tangela ‘accidentally’ hits Nathan in the face with all those vines. I have no idea who’ll win. What do you think their plans are?” Natalie asked.

Tangela was still chasing Sunkern with her vines, still standing in the same spot she started the battle in. Though exhausted from the constant motion all around her, she somehow managed to release more and more vines while Sunkern managed to jump over each and every one of them, managing to find time to sneak in a quick Growth attack as well.

“Growth powers up special attacks like Mega Drain right? Brian is definitely powering his attacks up. I have a bad idea about Tangela though…. Nathan wants Sunkern up close, and I think I know why,” Julie replied.

“You beat her Tangela! And then cream that ugly fish-headed moron for beating me!” Jigglypuff screamed.

Machop gave Jigglypuff another leering eye and the balloon pokemon twitched in her trainers arms out of fear. “Sunkern, you have it in you! I’ll understand if you want to lose because you don’t want to face a strong pokemon like me...”

Sunkern smirked while dodging eight of Tangela’s thick blue vines and flashing a strong green shade sporadically. When Sunkern jumped onto one of the vines and jumped to the right, Tangela’s instinct proved correct as a strong ninth vine came hurtling through the arena and knocked Sunkern out of the air and onto the ground. All nine vines swooped downward toward Sunkern and struck her. The seed pokemon winced horribly at the painful blow, but it wasn’t over as two of the vines wrapped around Sunkern tight while the other seven flew back into the main bramble.

“You should have taken Machop’s advice!”

“Ah crap!” Brian moaned, trying to think if Sunkern would be able to get out of this situation as well.

“Oh yeah! Now Tangela, bring Sunkern face to face!” Nathan commanded with a big white grin. Tangela pulled Sunkern in closely when Sunkern closed her eyes tightly in coordination with Brian’s command.

“MEGA DRAIN!”

Tangela’s entire body was blinded by the bright yellow light and a sphere of energy roughly half the size of the vine pokemon herself came toward Sunkern and replenished nearly a sixth of her stamina. The pokemon’s eyes widened as she saw the big chunk of energy Sunkern absorbed from her. Immediately, her endurance took a sharp fall and her vines collapsed along with bonded Sunkern, who was now only a few feet away from Tangela and still draining energy.

“Wow, all that growing sure helped. Looks like this battle is over,” Natalie grumbled. Machop was rooting Sunkern on while Natalie struggled to hold an inflated cheeked Jigglypuff.

“It is over, but not for whom you think,” Julie moaned with her face in her hands.

“Send Sunkern to where Greg and Slowpoke are!” Nathan ordered with a look of determination. Tangela’s energy was diminishing fast, but somehow, along with another large sphere of energy, she released a cloud of green powder. Sleep Powder. Sunkern plopped asleep on the floor before she could even take in the life energy.

Tangela was released from the sooped up Mega Drain attack and sighed. She had little energy left, but was determined to finish the battle off. “Tangela, give it all you got!” Nathan commanded with his blue eyes shining brightly. It would all be over soon.

Tangela released about six vines and brought them to her right side, constricting them and combining them into one thick club like vine. Brian bit his lower lip hard and squinted, unable to watch the sight. With a great heave, Tangela swung the vines straight at Sunkern like a baseball. If it was baseball, Tangela would have definitely hit a home run as Sunkern soared across the battlefield, landing right at her trainer’s feet, knocked out in her sleep by the blow and with her eyes swirling.

“Looks like you won. Oh well, it was a great battle. Is your Tangela okay?” Brian asked rather quickly, before even picking up his pokemon. His brown eyes were looking away from everyone. This was his first battle ever, and he lost. There would be other battles he knew that, but there was just something special about the first one.

“I suppose, those last Mega Drains did do a little damage though! And….my goodness! Stop looking so sad! You and Natalie take battling waaay too seriously, and that’s why you guys lose! Yeesh!” Nathan yelped upon seeing the dejected look on his opponent’s face.

Brian immediately looked up self-consciously and gave a rather phony grin and thumbs up while Sunkern began to stir from being knocked out. The other three also gave phony laughter in response. The poor losing boy immediately felt a little better as he laughed with everyone else about losing. After all, the only person who should feel bad was Sunkern, who was rather sore from getting clubbed by all those vines. She finally woke up, very groggy though. The two losers exchanged a small smile that said, “Yeah we lost, but it’s cool!”

“So yeah, I think we should take a nice long break before Nathan and I go at it. Don’t want to have too many battles at once and can’t leave Greg by himself for too long. Alright with you guys?” Julie commented, breaking the rather tense mood among the four. Everyone nodded in agreement and walked toward the exit, prattling and behaving like normal teenagers once more.

When they turned to leave the room for their respite from battling, they heard the door open and slam fiercely from upstairs, while someone or something repeatedly banged it over and over. Then, the person entering the room revealed himself as Greg as he scurried downstairs with an unfazed Slowpoke by his side. At last, the pounding on the door ceased, but the lummox and his ***** were still panting heavily. Clearly, they needed to run a bit more rather than sitting at home and watching old episodes of Baywatch.

“T-t-here you guys are! Thanks for drugging and abandoning me jerks! I could have been raped you know!” Greg huffed, giving his bear pokemon a rather disgruntled glare. Before one of the abandoners/druggers could respond, Greg started to talk once more upon seeing the pokemon all worn out. “What the hell happened here? Did you guys battle without me? UGG! You guys missed out you know! Slowpoke and I here would have kicked all your butts! Give a roar Slowpoke!”

“Slow…” With one great yawn, Slowpoke shut his eyes and snuggled himself back to a deep slumber, leaving a fuming Greg, laughing Brian and Julie, and confused Nathan and Natalie.

“Yes Greg, I’m sure you and your Slowpoke would have cleaned the floor with us, look at that big scary face! We couldn’t possibly stand up to you two since you guys are waaay out of our league! Anyway, Julie took on Natalie and won while I took on Nathan and…” Brian trailed off. Greg looked at the bruised Sunkern in horror and then moved his eyes up to the smirking Tangela before giving Brian a nice slap upside the head.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW COULD YOU LOSE AGAINST GHETTO SURFER CONFUSED STEREOTYPE DUDE OVER THERE! YOU MUST BE HORRIBLE!” Greg roared while Brian just rolled his eyes. Putting his hands in his hair in rage to find his best friend defeated by his big pimpin’ rival, the blonde boy walked in circles while everyone waited for him to do something stupid. He stopped in front of a flustered Nathan, beet red with fury. “You and me, RIGHT NOW! Brian only lost because he’s a little sissy stapistics ana….OWW!”

Everyone gazed in shock at the sight they saw. Upon Greg calling him a sissy, Brian drove his fist into Greg’s cheek, knocking him to the ground and now stood over him with his dangerous smile burning the air around him. “I may be a ‘sissy stapistics analist’, Greg, but please remember, that this sissy stapistics analist can also kick your ***!”

Julie grinned and gave Brian a thumb up for not taking crap from Greg, though it wasn’t exactly a huge accomplishment to beat Greg down. Despite getting kicked to the ground, Greg stood up calmly and quietly brushed the dirt off his side, pretending nothing had happened. “So, what do you say Nathan?”

“Ehh, I dunno. My Tangela’s a bit tired from the battle with Sunkern…” Nathan started, but he was stopped by his Tangela, who raised her vine and nodded, signaling she wanted to battle. Giving Slowpoke a particularly hard kick in the side, Greg and his pokemon walked to the battlefield with Nathan and Tangela. The other three remained at the stairs, knowing the battle wouldn’t last too long.

“What are we doing?” Slowpoke droned as he looked lazily around the battlefield that he was dimly aware of standing on.

“We’re battling so get ready ya dimwit!” the vine pokemon snapped from the other side of the battlefield. She really was exhausted from the previous battle, but didn’t have a problem with finishing up this battle to protect her trainer’s honor from the stupid boy with the tendency to get beat up. Slowpoke growled at her insult and got into the partial battling mood once more.

“All right Lummox, use your Water Gun attack!” Greg commanded confidently, as he pulled a tube of gel from his pocket and began to apply it to the front of his hair. Nathan opened his mouth to give an order, but Tangela was way ahead of him and already drew her vines out to quickly end this. Slowpoke opened his mouth nice and wide to release a foaming pillar of water, but before he could release the attack, Tangela shot her vines forward and wrapped them around the bear pokemon’s mouth.

Like a scene from a cartoon, Slowpoke’s mouth began to fill up with an immense amount of water, unable to escape from the binds of Tangela’s vines. His cheeks slowly inflated as the water began to quickly and painfully stretch the pink flesh and threatened to make it explode! Finally, Slowpoke’s tire sized cheeks could no longer hold any of the water and shot off with a great deal of pressure across the battlefield and into the wall safely away from Tangela and Nathan, leaving a drenched streak across the tiles and a rather foreboding crack on the wall of the ship. With the great force of the attack, Slowpoke backfired straight into Greg and now lay unconscious over his struggling trainer. While poor Greg struggled to get his behemoth of a pokemon off of him once more, Nathan and Tangela simply walked off, smiling at their second victory in ten minutes.

“We’ll be upstairs now Gregory! You and Slowpoke play nice now!” Julie yelled as everyone else went upstairs, leaving their squashed friend behind. Greg cursed his sister as she walked off and continued his odyssey to escape the blubbery confines of his Slowpoke. When all hope seemed to be lost, he finally saw the grumpy sailor with the Fearow approaching him, with his rotting yellow teeth bared.

“Woah! Someone drank a bit too much coffee… Could you help me out, Mr. Ugly?” Greg requested, demonstrating his amazing disability of detecting people’s dispositions.

The grumpy sailor gave a huge snarl and kicked the Slowpoke off of Greg with his hefty right calf and then pulled up Greg to full height by the newly created spikes in his hair. The idiotic boy still remained serenely unaware of the sailor’s anger as he gave him a tiny thank you and began to walk off, before feeling a powerful grip on his shoulder. Greg turned around, ready to explain to the sailor that he had some ladies to try and hit, but instead, got pulled up by the man by his collar and right into his face. They were face to face now, terrified boy and ugly old man. The sailor’s yellow tinted eyes quivered down at Greg, who tried to look away from the numerous lines and scars on the man’s face. Finally, he moved his chapped lips and sprayed a good deal of sour spit and foul breath into his victim’s face as he spoke.

“You stupid little kid, look at what you did!” He turned Greg mid-air to face the drenched battlefield and marched toward the crack in the wall, displaying a good deal of power as he still held a choking Greg high in the air by his shirt collar. “I have to mop this goddamn floor, and do you see that crack? The ship could have gotten a hole and sunk! Do you want us all to die??? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?”

Greg shuddered in fear as his face was bathed in the grumpy sailor’s spit. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that the other battlers in the room also stared in horror, ready for the insane sailor to pull out a chainsaw and start harvesting body parts. This truly was not a good day for Greg at all. “With all due respect, Sir, it was that pretty boy Nathan who ordered the attack that caused this huge me-”

“SHUT UP!”

Greg gave a painful groan as his head cracked against the floor when the crazy old sailor threw him down. He began to growl maniacally as he slowly cracked his knuckles and gave a nod to the Fearow flying besides him. The bird pokemon gave a menacing caw and immediately dive bombed toward the poor boy and his Slowpoke.

“OWW! What the heck is wrong with you! Ow! Ow!” Greg cried as the Fearow repeatedly jabbed him with his beak. As Greg struggled to get up to his feet, the bird then moved on the attacking the unconscious Slowpoke. After numerous pecks and bruises, the boy and his bear managed to get into a full fledged sprint and ran for their lives from the grumpy old man and his equally insane Fearow. At last, they reached the door which the quickly opened slammed it, right in the bird pokemon’s face.

“Feeeeeaaaaarrrrooooow…”

Greg gave a proud grin to himself and his Slowpoke as they surveyed the clear imprint of a squashed bird on the door. Turning around, he heard Brian calling out to him; he was standing with Sunkern on his shoulder at the edge of the nearest bookcase, clearly waiting for Greg.

“Bought time, it took you long enough. I assume from all the screaming I heard that you must have gotten attacked again?” Brian asked with a small smile. Greg nodded solemnly and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, it must be cause I’m so sexeh. Anyway, what are we gonna do now? Wanna go hit on those chicks over there? It would pretty nice if you got yourself a nice girlie for the journey since there is no way in hell you’re going to get with Julie…”

“Keep it in your pants Greg! Nathan and Natalie went their own separate ways and now Julie is waiting for us in a couch back there. Let’s go!” Brian hissed exasperatedly as he marched away with Sunkern on his shoulder. Greg scoffed at Brian’s attitude and ran up toward him.

“Okay Brian, what’s going on? In case you haven’t noticed, you’ve been getting colder and colder toward me! We used to be the best of friends and now you’re only friends with my sister while you guys treat me like some third wheel! Remember when we were partners in crime? What happened to that? Please tell me!” Greg snarled as he jumped in front of Brian and wouldn’t let him forward. His red-haired friend gave a sigh of annoyance and rolled his eyes before snarling himself.

“I grew up Greg! I’m not some damn horny middle schooler like you still are! Yes, maybe I’m a little boring and a little sissy, but you know what? At least I’m not the laughing stock of the school, and I don’t embarrass everyone around me by acting like some dorky five year old with a hormones of a sixteen year old!” Brian yelled, flushing crimson and causing people to look at him. Greg flushed as well and looked as if he wanted nothing better than to give Brian a nice punch in the face, but instead, just scoffed and marched on. The two walked forward silently, while Sunkern looked down at her trainer and one of his greatest friends, wondering why things between them were so turbulent.

They found Julie on a coach rummaging through her pack, looking intently for an item. It was then Brian finally realized he never looked at what his Mom packed for him, and horrible images of little frilly shirts and short shorts that went above his knees and worse of all, tighty whities flooded his mind! Immediately throwing his hiker backpack sized pack onto the couch, he searched through it, content that she just chose random regular clothes from his drawers. Along with a few pairs of clothes, he also saw some pokemon medicines (fresh from the PokeCenter), a compass, small snacks, a few guide books, and most interestingly, a white box and envelope marked “To Brian.”

“Heya Brian! I found it! I bought your Uncle Bruno’s guide for beginner battlers! I know I got all battling strategies and basics pretty much covered, but this has some more interesting facts and things that might be useful to us later on,” Julie prattled as she picked up a hefty magazine sized book with a big grinning picture of Brian’s most famous relative, Bruno, member of the Elite Four.

“Oh come on Julie. You know he didn’t write it; a bunch of nerdy journalists who have never seen daylight put it together from the information in old, copyrighted guides and then just stuck a big picture of Bruno on it. Anyway, check this out!” He showed Julie and Greg the white envelope and package before tearing open the envelope, revealing a letter inside.


Dear Son,

It is none other than I, your father! Yes, we talked on the phone the night before you left, but I told Jolene to put this in your pack as a surprise! I repeat yet again that I am really sorry I couldn’t make it to see you embark on your journey. I’m still in Hoenn helping out your cousin Brawly with his new gym in Lilycove, and I can’t get a ship out of here for another couple of months because of that incident in Mt. Pyre… It was always my dream to see you replace your Uncle Chuck as fighting pokemon gym leader, but it’s all right kiddo! In fact, I think there are way too many fighting pokemon trainers in our family. Well, enough of that, we went over that about a million times since you got that little Sunkern. I’m sure your Uncle Chuck and your dear mother (she was a very good trainer back in the day you know?) told you all that you need, so I’ll end this letter short. You train that Sunkern good; if she doesn’t win at least five badges, I promise I’ll feed her to my Heracross! Also, in the attached package are fifteen specialized pokeballs. You better share them with Julie and Greg. I’ll be in the Whirl Islands sometime for a little event. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Marcus Arganaut


P.S.: Please remember my words of advice. Stay out of gangs, don’t do drugs, and for the love of God, DON’T GET A GIRL PREGNANT!

“Emphasis on that last part Brian!” Greg snorted.

Brian gave a hearty chuckle at his father’s humor. He sincerely missed him, but if the letter was correct, it wouldn’t be too long before he saw him again. One of the big things about going to the Whirl Islands was not seeing his parents, but considering how he only saw his dad a few times in the past three years, it wouldn’t be so terrible to see his father once more. Greg went to open the package that contained Pokeballs eagerly, but was stopped by his dear twin sister. After quickly shredding off the paper and opening the lid, Brian stared in astonishment at the ensemble of multicolored pokeballs.

“Holy crap! Your dad knows a good journey present! Look at all these! There’s four normal balls, two great balls, four lure balls, two heavy balls, two love balls, and a friend ball!” Julie squealed as she grabbed one of the light blue lure balls. Greg and Brian gave her a blank look for spurting out that much information so quickly. “What? Greg and I went to Azalea Town last summer, that’s where Kurt is!”

Brian smiled and put the package back into his pack, thanking his father under his breath for his generosity. The three got up and enjoyed the leisure of the boat for the next few hours from playing arcade games, to creaming everyone in Pool (which Greg and Brian were masters at), to talking to fellow classmates about what they would do in the journey. Halfway through, Julie parted ways with the guys to hang out with her fellow female friends, most prominently Melissa, the girl with the Shellder. Sunkern and Machop obediently followed their masters wherever they went and socialized with other pokemon, while poor Slowpoke still stood by the door to the Battle Room, completely forgotten by Greg and indifferently ignored by passerby. How he longed for tater tots…

“THE SHIP HAS NOW ARRIVED IN OLIVINE CITY PORT! PLEASE MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW PASSANGERS!”

This announcement boomed throughout the entire ship and immediately caught the attention of the trio. Ten minutes later, they reunited along with Nathan and Natalie by the Battle Room door, finally catching sight of blissfully sleeping Slowpoke as well. Greg had managed to not hit on a single feminine shaped species for the entire break period and had loads of fun with Brian being slightly normal for once; besides the instance he started punching the ghosts on the Pacman screen of course.

“Yeah, we gotta finish up this little tourney before all those inlanders take up all the space!” Nathan stated. Everyone nodded, and then the two finalists gazed at each other briefly. “Good luck to you Julie! You’re going to need it!”

“Luck? Luck is for novices? Good luck to you though!”

Nathan gave a wry smile as the five of them walked down to the Battle Room together. This time the Normal Battlefield was occupied, but the Grass Field was devoid of any annoying trainers and beckoned Tangela forward. Machop and Julie frowned; Tangela would have an advantage in the battle if the field was of her element. Sunkern also frowned at the grassy battlefield; she would have easily blended into the dying yellowish-green grasses that the whole field was rife with, but, alas, she lost. She wondered if her trainer was disappointed in her but was more worried at the possibility of Machop losing to the overgrown weed…

Brian, Greg, and Natalie sat in the edge of the battlefield’s middle, eager to see Julie and Nathan dish it out. The actual combatants took their proper positions in the battlefield; Machop constantly ripping apart the skin of his legs which itched furiously upon contact with the tall grasses, and Tangela rolling around in the grass which had no effect on her whatsoever. The fighting pokemon growled at his opponent’s physical taunting and decided to do a little name calling of his own.

“Yo Weedy! Tell your Momma I left the twenty bucks on the kitchen counter!”

“And you tell your Momma she’s the finest Gyarados I ever wrapped in my vines!” Tangela responded, grinning behind the vast cover of vines.

“Where do you think I got my big muscles and power from?”

“And your dragon breath…”

The two would have gone on even longer about each other’s mothers (who are probably dead now, Mew rest their souls…), but unfortunately, their trainers began to issue commands.

“Alright Tangy! Let’s finish this up quickly, so Julie doesn’t have to suffer. Vine Whip it with all you got!” Nathan ordered lazily. He was rather overconfident to a win lying ahead.

“Stand there and use Focus Energy until I give further orders!” Julie retaliated with the air of a commander to a private.

Machop returned to his typical battle stance with his left palm raised and his right foot kept back, shutting his eyes tightly and started to focus all of his energy into the palm. A fiery scarlet and orange aura began to circle and rotate around his palm until it began to slowly seep inside of the glowing white hand. Meanwhile, Tangela had launched three of her turquoise vines forward, ready to bring down the stupid Machop who fantasized about her mother. A sweat drop slowly inched down Julie’s left temple; would Machop’s attack be able to complete quickly enough to deflect Tangela’s vines?

“Karate Chop!” She shouted smoothly and briskly.

In a typical clichéd manner, Machop chopped the vines down with his palm just when their tips were about to strike his chest. For a moment, they dangled helplessly in midair as Machop still stood in his striking pose. The vine pokemon winced painfully as she struggled to pull back the bruised vines that now drooped on the floor, but Machop wasn’t about to let her get off scotch free when he had the clear advantage. Snarling madly, he pounced on the clump of vines and clutched them tightly in his grip. Tangela ran back quickly, desperately trying to get her vines out of his deadly clutches.

“Tangela! Get your vines out of there right now! Send some other vines too!”

But Tangela was too anxious and busy trying to pull in his already armed vines to listen to or obey Nathan’s order. Machop slowly got to his feet and, with an evil grin on his face, began to pull in the vines as if it were a game of Tug-of-War. He could barely see Tangela because of the thick grass, but it mattered not because he could tell where he was from the pull of his vines. Finally, Tangela gave up and stopped his effort, leaving him fatally open.

“Get her!” Julie declared savagely.

Extending his evil grin even more, Machop flicked his wrist upward, bringing the vines and vine pokemon upward with his hand. Tangela let out a tiny yelp as Machop pulled him high into the air by her vines in a perfect arc. Upon reaching the zenith of the toss, the grass pokemon fidgeted and shook violently, hoping somehow he would avoid the painful impact…

“TANGELA!”

Everyone groaned as Tangela painfully crashed onto Machop’s other side. Not willing to let her off that easily, the fighting pokemon continued to throw her back and forth by her vines over his head, like a scene from a cartoon. While this continued, the pathetic losers watched from the sidelines, shifting their eyes left and right, following Tangela’s impacts. Natalie bit her lip, worrying that her best friend might lose. On the other hand, Brian and Greg were smiling and cheering Machop and Julie on.

“Jeeze, that Tangela’s easier than I thought! How bad are you Brian?” Greg commented as Tangela continued to smash into the ground.

“Not that bad. Just wait till Machop gets a whiff of Sleep Powder,” Brian responded. Sunkern frowned at Greg from her trainer’s shoulder.

“I don’t think Julie or Machop realizes this, but Tangela is retreating her vines and is drawing herself closer to Machop each time he swings,” Natalie pointed out. She was right; the intervals between Tangela’s smashes were getting shorter, and her vines weren’t as long as they were before. Jigglypuff, Sunkern, and Slowpoke also yelled their encouragements to the two fighters.

“You can do it Tangela!” Jigglypuff shouted, leering at Machop dangerously.

“Don’t let my loss go in vain Machop! WHIP HER ***!”

“TA-TER TOTS! TA-TER TOTS!”

Julie finally noticed what Natalie was pointing out earlier, but Machop was getting too cocky and continued to lazily smash Tangela back and forth, ignorant to the evil grin that Tangela now wore. It was too late.

“Oh shi....”

The fighting pokemon finally caught sight of his enemy hanging only a few feet directly overhead, eyes closed tightly in concentration as a small cloud of green powder burst from her vines, engulfing Machop. Immediately, Machop released Tangela from his grip and started to cough and hack, covered his nose, and even ran around in circles, desperate not to fall asleep. But Tangela’s attack proved to be too powerful as his running began to slow down and his hand slid off his nose. His eyes began to droop, despite his struggles to keep them open.

“That’s what your mother looked liked last night!” Tangela snidely commented, panting and heaving as she eyed a spread-eagled, knocked out Machop sprawled face down on the floor. She knew she only had a limited amount of time before the powder wore off and her opponent would be at large again. Though her entire body ached incredibly and her vines felt like they could easily just fall off, she had to attack!

Tangela, unable to use her vines, rammed her entire body into Machop several times, groaning each time. Still heaving and panting, her entire body was drenched with a thin green liquid which was perceived by the others to be plant sweat. As she continued to attack, she began to wince more and more painfully while Machop barely even shifted from his spot!

“Wait a sec, is that a Struggle attack?” Brian asked.

“What’s that?” Greg asked.

“Struggle is a move pokemon use when they can’t use any other moves. Tangela’s vines were severely hurt in my Machop’s last attack, and she can’t use them anymore. Also, there’s no point in using Sleep Powder, so she has to use Struggle! It’s not very strong, but takes stamina out of the pokemon using it too!” Julie yelled. Even though she tried hiding the fact she was smart, she loved being a walking fountain of information as well.

“Tangela! Don’t worry. It’s okay; you don’t have to keep hurting yourself!” Nathan pleaded with his pokemon. Tangela shook her blue head and rammed into Machop one more time before finally collapsing. Machop finally began to stir and woke up. He rubbed his eyes and sore side, noting Tangela laying facing down on the hard floor. He flipped her over to see swirls replacing her eyes. He won.

Brian and Greg immediately got to their feet and chest banged each other, whooping and cheering for Julie’s victory while Natalie rolled her eyes and walked over to Nathan with her baby face “Sowwy” look.

“I guess you won Julie…” Nathan mumbled. He failed to avoid everyone’s gazes and instead let the whole room see his watering crystal-colored eyes and quivering lips.

He began to turn away, and everyone around him heard small sobs and cries while his hands began to wipe something away from his cheeks. Brian’s look of victory faded away into concern, while Greg’s smile just turned brighter and larger.

“Oh, wittle Surfer Thug going to cry now?” Greg mocked in a babyish voice. Natalie flicked him off.

Julie began staring at her feet and walked up to Nathan, whose sobbing became steadily louder and louder. “I am so sorry Nathan. I shouldn’t have let Machop be so rough…” Julie said quietly.

Nathan’s sobs became extremely audible, reaching the point of huge bawling, and other people in the Battle Room turned to look. Kids in Johto weren’t really taught to mind their own business unfortunately. Then, his sobs began to change sounds. He was completely hysterical. Laughing hysterically. He turned to face them and began to really cry guffawing. “Oh man, you guys actually believed that? So I have one loss, big deal! I bet that’s what Julie would have done, big lot of cry babies… Gosh, you people are so gullible,” Nathan cackled, holding his stomach as he continued to laugh hysterically.

The looks of pity around him changed into looks of disgust and annoyance, though Greg looked rather disappointed. Natalie walked up with her black eyes narrowed in disgust and began to slap her best friend silly.

“Don’t you ever do that again! You made us all look like fools!” Natalie screamed over his yelps of pain.

Nathan ran out the door with his best friend chasing after him. Jigglypuff walked up to Tangela, who was still laying face up and began to poke her. Tangela shook her body, refusing to get up out of misery for her loss, until Jigglypuff put the microphone to her mouth. Only then did Tangela jump on her feet and ran to the door.

“So, kill time?” Brian asked the twins. They nodded and called their pokemon back.

The battles were at last over, and it was determined Julie and Machop were the best of them all as of this point. During the final battle, the five trainers failed to notice the grumpy old sailor who was standing next to the crack Slowpoke’s Water Gun made on the wall. His Fearow was perched limply on his right shoulder, beak bandaged and gauzed meticulously from the little smashing into the door incident. Tracing his pudgy finger along the crack of the wall, he began to laugh hoarsely before pulling out a small grey remote control, with a single, foreboding red button right in the center. Gently rubbing the button with his finger now, he looked around, making sure no sailors were around.

“Only a matter of time…”


E/N- I wrote another comedy fic called A Very "Special" Pokemon about a very "special" Treecko and his "Special" effects on people besides him. If you like this fic, you'll prolly like that one as well! Link in siggy

indigestible_wad
2nd January 2006, 8:05 PM
So...long...took...all...day...long


landing right at her trainer’s feet, awakened by the blow and with her eyes swirling.

She finally woke up, very groggy though.
How did it wake up two times?

Natalie flicked him offThe term is flipped off.

Button! Blast! Yay conspiracy theories!

I'm impressed that you put so much stuff into something that wasn't that important at all. Being able to make seconds into paragraphs. I could never do that. It's write and go for me.

Sike Saner
2nd January 2006, 10:37 PM
Laugh-causing stuff


“Bring it on Shorty! Don‘t know what Carrot Top over there sees in you…” Tangela taunted, drawing out a lone, teal vine and pointing it at herself.

“The only reason Surfer over there likes you is because he’s into bondage!” the seed pokemon responded, giving herself a tiny boost of confidence.

Just what the world needed: some more perverted Tangela imagery. XD


Sunkern gave an assuring nod to her trainer, who in turn pointed the tiny device of wonders at the opposing pokemon, after pressing the wrong button multiple times.

XP Just an amusing little touch there.


Nathan let out his hand and cried out the typical “Nooooo!” as the speedy Sunkern made contact with his wide-eyed Tangela…

Let the booty of no cliché go unkicked. ^_^


Greg nodded solemnly and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, it must be cause I’m so sexeh.

Oh...my...God. XDDDDDD *dies*


two love balls

Okay. I know that that's the actual name of an actual type of capture ball, but...still, come on. You know how that sounds.

And there just had to be two of them, too, didn't there? XD


while poor Slowpoke still stood by the door to the Battle Room, completely forgotten by Greg and indifferently ignored by passerby. How he longed for tater tots…


“TA-TER TOTS! TA-TER TOTS!”

I'm sorry, but it's not possible to mention tater tots around me without making me think of Napoleon Dynamite! XD


Greg had managed to not hit on a single feminine shaped species for the entire break period and had loads of fun with Brian being slightly normal for once; besides the instance he started punching the ghosts on the Pacman screen of course.

PRICELESS IMAGERY!


“Yo Weedy! Tell your Momma I left the twenty bucks on the kitchen counter!”

“And you tell your Momma she’s the finest Gyarados I ever wrapped in my vines!” Tangela responded, grinning behind the vast cover of vines.

“Where do you think I got my big muscles and power from?”

“And your dragon breath…”

Classic. And pretty clever with that last line there. XD


With regards to the battles: Do not apologize for their length. That's just how long they are when you bother to actually put attention to detail in and make things happen rather than simply saying, "_____ used _____, then _____ used _____ and made ______ faint." Like with Sunkern vs. Tangela, you actually had them maneuvering and dodging and even taunting each other, and you bothered to mention how they each were feeling over the course of the battle, like this:


She stared at the cocky pokemon, who raised the tips of her vines toward herself, with burning disdain. There was no way she was about to let Brian down.

It's stuff like that that helps keep Pokémon from appearing as mindless robots during battle scenes, so good show, there.

Ew, that nasty guy with the Fearow really grossed me out in that chapter, what with the nasty teeth and the spit...bleah. XD Nice job describing that guy. Memorable characters make the story...even if they are remembered with a cringe.

Calcos the Destroyer
3rd January 2006, 1:33 AM
I need not review, as it has already been done. All I can say is... HOLY **** ROFL-HGAHSHSHSHSHSHSHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHASHSHSHSHITTY SHITTYSHIT-****!!!!!!!!!!!!

cyndaquil_dratini
3rd January 2006, 2:05 AM
Hmmm.....this chapter still isn't as funny as the first one...but I'm really harsh. I laughed more than I did reading the chapter before- I don't mind the length, as long as things happen, and they did. I liked your battle scenes, you did a good job, especially with Machop. I loved your imagery with Machop swinging Tangela round at the end, that was great. I also loved the bit where Brian punched Greg.

I think what I'd like now is a bit more definition in your characters- they aren't as funny as the characters in your first chapter, Brian's mum and the fighting gym leader people and such. Nathan seems like someone you've just gone "ok, he's a surfer" to, I'd like to see more character come out in him- as well as Julie and Natalie, too. You do a good job with Greg and Slowpoke, and I can relate to Brian, since he's the main character, but the others seem a little bland to me. Not stereotyped enough. I think Nathan is a little too much like Greg, and some of the less interesting characters aren't as...I don't know...over the top? as they should be, since it's a comedy. Maybe that's what it is, it'd be funnier if your characters were less realistic (which is odd, coz it's usually the opposite that you hear people say.)

I thought all the parts Sike Saner said were funny, and I did laugh out loud in some bits, but I'm looking forward to the chapter which is as good as chapter one. It's worth it.

What's this about another chapter on the boat? I thought they had just gotten to...oh, no, they got to Olivine. You're right about the battles being a little boring, but that's because they're pokemon battles with pokemone who are really low levels, so they're not going to be incredibly interesting. You're doing a good job.

I think...take a leaf out of Greg and Slowpoke's book and make all your characters as over the top and stupid (not in a "Im stupid" way, just stupidly stereotyped), and that goes for pokemon too. I liked Tangela's personality, but Sunkern seems so...normal.

Hurrah for the Fearow man too, he's weird, but I like him. I love a good villain.

Brian Powell
3rd January 2006, 11:51 AM
Chapter 1:
This is not a funny fic… this is a very funny fic. XD

I spotted a couple of errors but along with the other guys that pinpointed their favourite moments where they had to bury their faces to stop themselves laughing so loud, I’m going pick out some of my favourites.


“Coke? Puh-lease! Greg still snorts pepsi thinking that he is getting high off of the painful burning, sugary sensation in his nose. I can go years about that moron, but instead, let’s focus on you! So, do tell, how does a complete idiotic, retarded, ******* like yourself become the Champion of the Whirl Island Pokemon League? I suppose all of the MTV, hip hop music, and school vending machines are to blame…”
Sounds like an arrogant and smart interviewer there. Does Jerry Lawler sound familiar to you? ^^


He wasn’t too intelligent or strategic, but he was built pretty nicely since he spent most of his free time working out to look good for the ladies. Shortly after receiving his first stirrings, Greg soon became nefarious throughout all of town for being an extremely terrible flirt. Any pretty girl he sees, he would immediately jump in and begin complimenting her and then suggesting things leading to a nice kick where it hurts.
A terrible flirt, eh? He reminds me of someone… *Pretends to think*

[QUOTE]...This chapter was brought to you by Old Spice Deodorant and Apple Computers. Remember, if you don't want to be outstyled crack addicted Alabama trailer trash, then use our products! [QUOTE]
LOL! Never actually saw that coming.

Not only those quotes are the best thing for this chapter, the characters were hilarious as well. Particularly Brian, who has a great name, and Greg’s Slowpoke, who is as slow as a turtle… maybe even slower. The description is excellent and the length is highly suitable.


Chapter 2:

A couple of errors here and there. The most hilarious part… Greg Vs Slowpoke. I could say more but everyone else has taken the words out of my mouth. So therefore, ‘nuff said. *Reads Greg Vs Slowpoke moment again and laughs like a hyena*

Overall score: 5/5

PS: PM me when your new chapter comes out.

PikaPikaChu
3rd January 2006, 2:32 PM
I laughed all along the chapter Xp . But this moment:


P.S.: Please remember my words of advice. Stay out of gangs, don’t do drugs, and for the love of God, DON’T GET A GIRL PREGNANT!
I was LOLROLFOMGZLOLZ

IceKing
3rd January 2006, 5:59 PM
Indigestible Wad:


So...long...took...all...day...long


Ahh, you haven't seen long yet >=D But the long chapters (20+ pages) will be split into parts so people dont have to read it all at once if they don't want to


How did it wake up two times?

I'll fix that


The term is flipped off.

I've heard flicked off as well. But perhaps flipped would be better


Button! Blast! Yay conspiracy theories!

Yes, I didn't want to end the chapter with Nathan starting to cry like last time so I chose a more important scene.


I'm impressed that you put so much stuff into something that wasn't that important at all. Being able to make seconds into paragraphs. I could never do that. It's write and go for me.

Trust me, it's more of a curse than a gift <_< It's so annoying not being able to write six page chapters like I used to, but fun as well.

Sike Saner:


Let the booty of no clich&#233; go unkicked. ^_^

Exactly ^^


Oh...my...God. XDDDDDD *dies*


I thought of you when I wrote that line :P


Okay. I know that that's the actual name of an actual type of capture ball, but...still, come on. You know how that sounds.

And there just had to be two of them, too, didn't there? XD

ROFLMAO! Holy crap! SIKE! Mann, I never thought of it that way. There were two pokemon that should be captured with love balls in WIQ, I had a big list of which pokemon go in which ball, but alas, I lost it ;_; I should make it again before I forget which pokemon the trio are going to capture


I'm sorry, but it's not possible to mention tater tots around me without making me think of Napoleon Dynamite! XD

Again, I never watched Napoleon Dynamite. Tater tots is just on the list of funny foods



Classic. And pretty clever with that last line there. XD

Yes, that was directly taken from the original version


With regards to the battles: Do not apologize for their length. That's just how long they are when you bother to actually put attention to detail in and make things happen rather than simply saying, "_____ used _____, then _____ used _____ and made ______ faint." Like with Sunkern vs. Tangela, you actually had them maneuvering and dodging and even taunting each other, and you bothered to mention how they each were feeling over the course of the battle, like this:


Aww, thank you! I was worried if my battle was a bit ilke the ____ and ____ then ____ after writing them


Ew, that nasty guy with the Fearow really grossed me out in that chapter, what with the nasty teeth and the spit...bleah. XD Nice job describing that guy. Memorable characters make the story...even if they are remembered with a cringe.

Oh yes, I based his appearance off of Mad Eye Moody from Harry Potter because he's exactly how I pictured him and his personality is taken from someone I know.


Calcos the Destroyer:


I need not review, as it has already been done. All I can say is... HOLY **** ROFL-HGAHSHSHSHSHSHSHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHASHSHSHSHITTY SHITTYSHIT-****!!!!!!!!!!!!

I first saw the word 'Shittyshit' and thought you hated it XD Ah well, thanks for reviewing! Wanna be contacted for other chapters?

Cyndaquil Dratinin

Hmmm.....this chapter still isn't as funny as the first one...but I'm really harsh. I laughed more than I did reading the chapter before- I don't mind the length, as long as things happen, and they did. I liked your battle scenes, you did a good job, especially with Machop. I loved your imagery with Machop swinging Tangela round at the end, that was great. I also loved the bit where Brian punched Greg.

Unfortunately, I'm a bit worried that I won't get the chance to write another CHapter 1 styled chapter for a while. Trust me, I loved that style as well but it is pretty hard to write. Machop swinging around Tangela was quite difficult to write, but I suppose if you like it I did it somewhat correct ^^


I think what I'd like now is a bit more definition in your characters- they aren't as funny as the characters in your first chapter, Brian's mum and the fighting gym leader people and such. Nathan seems like someone you've just gone "ok, he's a surfer" to, I'd like to see more character come out in him- as well as Julie and Natalie, too. You do a good job with Greg and Slowpoke, and I can relate to Brian, since he's the main character, but the others seem a little bland to me. Not stereotyped enough. I think Nathan is a little too much like Greg, and some of the less interesting characters aren't as...I don't know...over the top? as they should be, since it's a comedy. Maybe that's what it is, it'd be funnier if your characters were less realistic (which is odd, coz it's usually the opposite that you hear people say.)


Trust me, there will be plenty of overthetop charachters as well. Julie definetely WILL come out completely soon, (two chapters to be specific) with the aid of a very stereotyped charachter (wink). As for Nathan and Natalie, I was feeling the same about them as you did. WHen I first wrote them, I didn't have too much definition but since they do make several occurances throuhgout the fic, we will see them grow and change as time passes by. *Cough* And of course, Greg is my pride and joy, but I really cannot see how he is like Nathan except for the fact Nathan is a little ladies man (but with actual sucess) as well. He's more carefree and lighthearted whereas Greg is just plain insane. Also, I'm glad you like Brian since he's the hardest charchter to write


I thought all the parts Sike Saner said were funny, and I did laugh out loud in some bits, but I'm looking forward to the chapter which is as good as chapter one. It's worth it.

*stomach cringes*


What's this about another chapter on the boat? I thought they had just gotten to...oh, no, they got to Olivine. You're right about the battles being a little boring, but that's because they're pokemon battles with pokemone who are really low levels, so they're not going to be incredibly interesting. You're doing a good job.


Thanks for that. The next battles are going to be quite interesting. And they will leave you very disturbed. There only going to spend maybe 6-9 pages on the ship next chapter, nothing too much interesting happens except for one other thing.


I think...take a leaf out of Greg and Slowpoke's book and make all your characters as over the top and stupid (not in a "Im stupid" way, just stupidly stereotyped), and that goes for pokemon too. I liked Tangela's personality, but Sunkern seems so...normal.


I try and emphasize Sunkerns weakness. And trust me, if you like overthetop pokemon you will defientely like chapter 4 (which is two chapters from now, this chapter was chapter 2.5). And yes, I promise lots of overthetop charachters as well


Hurrah for the Fearow man too, he's weird, but I like him. I love a good villain.

He ain't the only villain out there :P I'm wondering when I should introduce her....

Brian Powell:


This is not a funny fic… this is a very funny fic. XD
QUOTE]

Is it or is it not? AAAH IM SO CONFUSED

[QUOTE]I spotted a couple of errors but along with the other guys that pinpointed their favourite moments where they had to bury their faces to stop themselves laughing so loud, I’m going pick out some of my favourites.

Whoo! Thanks! ALso, if you remember where those errors were, I'd appreciate to know where they were ^^ One of my major goals is to stop making so many errors


Sounds like an arrogant and smart interviewer there. Does Jerry Lawler sound familiar to you? ^^

Nope. The original version had an unoriginal typical Pokemaster dream so the trophy was there to make fun of it


A terrible flirt, eh? He reminds me of someone… *Pretends to think*

Yes, he is indeed a terrible flirt


Not only those quotes are the best thing for this chapter, the characters were hilarious as well. Particularly Brian, who has a great name, and Greg’s Slowpoke, who is as slow as a turtle… maybe even slower. The description is excellent and the length is highly suitable.

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE JULIE??? *sniff* Am I the only one who <3s her? Thanks for the description and length compliments as well! And I'm especially glad you like Brian since he was so boring last tiem (so I decided to emphasize his boringness second time around ^^)


A couple of errors here and there. The most hilarious part… Greg Vs Slowpoke. I could say more but everyone else has taken the words out of my mouth. So therefore, ‘nuff said. *Reads Greg Vs Slowpoke moment again and laughs like a hyena*

Overall score: 5/5

Hehe, I loved that scene as well. Just wait till...ah can't ruin it. Thanks for the review Brian Powell! It means a lot coming from a fellow comedy writer

PikaPikaChu:


I laughed all along the chapter Xp . But this moment:


That was my favorite line as well! Rock on! No one tends to like my favorite lines XD (1st chapter- trophy, well most people liked that. 2nd chapter-Timmy)





THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR REVIEWING!!!

PDL
3rd January 2006, 6:09 PM
to be kind of honest, I found this chapter quite boring...

I'm not sure what it was, maybe it was that the battles dragged on for so long, maybe it was that the only human character who I find slightly interesting is Brian... or maybe because you're trying to hard at be funny... I'm not sure.

I found Greg and Nathan so simlair that I often confused them for one another... same with Julie and Nataile.

and why oh why did you name them Nathan and Nataile? I thought they were another pair of twins or something... are they?

Air Dragon
3rd January 2006, 9:13 PM
Speak for yourself, this rocked! Nice additions with the strategies all outlined, though it did spoil the spontaniety (seeing as i have read this chapter in its original format.) It so rocked!


“Woah! Someone drank a bit too much coffee… Could you help me out, Mr. Ugly?” Greg requested, demonstrating his amazing disability of detecting people’s dispositions.

It so nice to know there are some things we can always count on... idiotic Greg does it again...


P.S.: Please remember my words of advice. Stay out of gangs, don’t do drugs, and for the love of God, DON’T GET A GIRL PREGNANT!

“Emphasis on that last part Brian!” Greg snorted.

Who're you to talk...stupid gigolo...


Sunkern and Machop obediently followed their masters wherever they went and socialized with other pokemon, while poor Slowpoke still stood by the door to the Battle Room, completely forgotten by Greg and indifferently ignored by passerby. How he longed for tater tots…

Awww, that's just so sad...Slowpokes have feelings to ya know...


“Where do you think I got my big muscles and power from?”

“And your dragon breath…”

The two would have gone on even longer about each other’s mothers (who are probably dead now, Mew rest their souls…), but unfortunately, their trainers began to issue commands.

LMHOA... that bit was good...nice remake!


“You can do it Tangela!” Jigglypuff shouted, leering at Machop dangerously.

“Don’t let my loss go in vain Machop! WHIP HER ***!”

“TA-TER TOTS! TA-TER TOTS!”

Good ol' Slowpoke! Love that line!


The only flaw I saw was the fact that you were lacking in capitalization, especially when it came to the species name of the Pokemon.
Sorry again for being late...Later!

Hoenn Warrior
4th January 2006, 3:13 AM
This chapter was simply AMAZING AND FUNNY!!!!! Its good to see that Brian actually standing up for himself to Greg, but its a shame to see him lose. On the other hand Machop whipped the senses out of Tangela. It seems that Greg will be the last to actually win a battle and get a girl if he cant train his Slowpoke properly, and isnt able to keep his P.I.M.P routine in his pants and control it until the time is right like Brian said.

Kiyohime
4th January 2006, 3:49 AM
*pees in her pants at the image of Slowpoke's head swelling up with water*

Iceking, my man, you are good. Damn, you are GOOD. XD

But you say Machop is ripping his legs apart because of the grass. Did you mean that as imagery, or literally? O_O;;

blackemerald
4th January 2006, 1:59 PM
Great chapter as usual. You did a good job in the battle, especially with such ignored pokemon. I did feel that you were making greg into the typical ******* charater that every OT fic seems to have but mabye that's the pounding headache talking. I did see a mistake, though...


It was always my dream to see you replace your Uncle Chuck has fighting pokemon gym leader, but it’s all right kiddo!

I think you meant to take out the h in has.

Other than that, great chapter!

~B.E

IceKing
4th January 2006, 11:01 PM
PDL:


to be kind of honest, I found this chapter quite boring...

I'm not sure what it was, maybe it was that the battles dragged on for so long, maybe it was that the only human character who I find slightly interesting is Brian... or maybe because you're trying to hard at be funny... I'm not sure.

I know the battles were long, but I'd rather have long descriptive battles rather than short choppy ones. Can't help it if you don't like the charachters and I don't try to be funny, 90% of the time it comes on its own and in a few occasions I'll add a joke. The two jokes I added in this chapter were the pokemon taunting and the greg punching Pacman


I found Greg and Nathan so simlair that I often confused them for one another... same with Julie and Nataile.

and why oh why did you name them Nathan and Nataile? I thought they were another pair of twins or something... are they?


Well, they are purposely intended to be slighly similar, but Greg is the stupid one, simple as that :) And nathan and Natalie are best friends, I just chose the names randomly


Ehh, I'm guessing you're not too fond of this fic. If you're not, don't bother reading XD I'm guessing you're reviewing since I review Sabrina's Story?

Shiny Mighteyena:


Nice additions with the strategies all outlined, though it did spoil the spontaniety (seeing as i have read this chapter in its original format.) It so rocked!

Thanks! I still can't believe how many closet readers I had (You, Hoenn Warrior, Serpent Syra...)



Who're you to talk...stupid gigolo...


Pssh, gigolo? Who would give money to Greg for gigolo services XD *is silent and whistles at Hoenn Warrior*


The only flaw I saw was the fact that you were lacking in capitalization, especially when it came to the species name of the Pokemon.
Sorry again for being late...Later!

Err, don't worry about being late XD Two days is NOT late. And could you please tell me what type of capitlization errors you saw? I determined my captilization rules after making a thread about it, so I want to see what mistakes that your seeing so that I can explain my reasoning or I can find out I was wrong XD

Hoenn Warrior:


This chapter was simply AMAZING AND FUNNY!!!!! Its good to see that Brian actually standing up for himself to Greg, but its a shame to see him lose. On the other hand Machop whipped the senses out of Tangela. It seems that Greg will be the last to actually win a battle and get a girl if he cant train his Slowpoke properly, and isnt able to keep his P.I.M.P routine in his pants and control it until the time is right like Brian said.

Yep, I'll qoute Brian "I may be a sissy 'stapistics analist' but this 'stapistics analist' can kick your ***!" Greg is not a poor trainer, he does know his stuff, it's just he and his Slowpoke aren't exactly the best of teams XD One of the things in this fic is Greg attempting to keep is P.I.M.P under control....

Scrap:


*pees in her pants at the image of Slowpoke's head swelling up with water*

Iceking, my man, you are good. Damn, you are GOOD. XD

But you say Machop is ripping his legs apart because of the grass. Did you mean that as imagery, or literally? O_O;;

lol, funny thing is I asked you all those months ago to review because I expected you to be harsh and evil XD But nice works as well! I don't know what your asking in the last sentence. Machop's legs were itching because of those annoying tall grasses and he was scratching them really hard. Ripping was a bit of a hyperbole

Blackemerald:

Great chapter as usual. You did a good job in the battle, especially with such ignored pokemon. I did feel that you were making greg into the typical ******* charater that every OT fic seems to have but mabye that's the pounding headache talking. I did see a mistake, though...

I take pride in using UU pokemon. And yes, Greg is indeed being a typical ******* charachter, though I made him SUPER ******* as to sort of parody OT ******* charachters. This fic is a portion OT parody. I'll fix that mistake and thanks for reviewing!

Riaf
5th January 2006, 1:54 AM
Lol. My favorite part was when Greg and Brian began talking to each other like that, since it really showed some history on Brian (used to be horny and all). Nathan's a dweeb, IMO. XD

PDL
5th January 2006, 2:06 AM
Ehh, I'm guessing you're not too fond of this fic. If you're not, don't bother reading XD I'm guessing you're reviewing since I review Sabrina's Story?

I don't hate it! I do enjoy the fic, I only found this chapter somewhat boring since it didn't exactly offer anything completely new... and I was kind of annoyed at the time and wasn't exactly in the right mindset to read something that long... sorry :(

but I did happen to like Brian standing up for himself when Greg was being an asshat :)

Deoxys Trainer
7th January 2006, 2:51 AM
Oh.. my.. goodness. That was hilarious! I haven't laughed that hard in days! I especially like the part with the note. How is he gonna get a girl pregnant if he's buzy with traveling?

;386-a;

Saffire Persian
22nd January 2006, 10:38 PM
0_o... *eyes chapter* I forgot how dang long it was.. But here I go. *Plunges*

Review of Ch. 2.5


“Here Babe, feeling better yet?” Nathan asked his best friend soothingly while he caressed her back and handed her more tissues.

Finally, some compassion! ^^ Yay!


Natalie nodded softly as he wrapped on arms around her, and she rested her head against his right shoulder. They sat on their side of the battlefield, waiting until the blood pouring out of Natalie’s nose finally froze stagnant.


XD... Cute, dang it, cute! Also, 'froze stagnant' seems like an odd term to use.


Natalie to heal and Jigglypuff to finally come out of her mini coma.

I /think/ mini coma is hyphenated.


“Alright, I’m fine now. Thanks a lot, Nathan, I believe it’s time for your battle with Brian. Battle of the grass types…”

When addressing a person, a comma always comes before a person's name. ^^ Always.



“The only reason Surfer over there likes you is because he’s into bondage!” the seed pokemon responded, giving herself a tiny boost of confidence. Brian smiled at the two pokemon, wondering what absolutely wonderful and pleasant things they were saying to each other, and looked down at his own Sunkern before kneeling down to her ear.

XD If only he knew....


Sunkern gave an assuring nod to her trainer, who in turn pointed the tiny device of wonders at the opposing pokemon, after pressing the wrong button multiple times.

After pressing the wrong button multiple times..what? You seem to have not completed the sentence there.. I think merging the sentence that comes after this would be helpful. XD @ 'pressing the wrong button multiple times'.


“I can’t wait to get my mother to buy me one yet again for Christmas!”

0_o.. yet again.. poor kid.


... seed pokemon could think she could escape the attack by simply jumping.

xD I rather think Sunkern 'hops' and bounces' =D


“I hear surfing makes you lose brain cells!”

XDXDXDXDXDXDXD.... Best line Ever. EVER! *adds to quotebook*


“Pssh, come on Brian I thought you were smarter than that. Grass attacks have very little effect on other Grass pokemon. You Phail!” Nathan commented.

Isn't it "fail" or is Nathan just being stupid.


“Have you been surfing, Shorty?”

xDxD


Sunkern scowled at her opponent, and Brian began to scratch the side of his head vigorously, something he did whenever he thought particularly hard.

Poor guy, too much surfing.


She bounced off.

0_o. Well.. um... *consoles* Nice try.


“This is a pretty good battle, though it will only be better than ours if Tangela ‘accidentally’ hits Nathan in the face with all those vines.

*Agrees*


“You should have taken Machop’s advice!”

XD


With a great heave, Tangela swung the vines straight at Sunkern like a baseball!

I personally dislike the usage of the ! mark here.


Slowpoke and I here would have kicked all your butts! Give a roar Slowpoke!”

xD I am just waiting for him to get totally and utterly creamed, so I can watch his stupid ego deflate. =D (Yes, I use emotions a lot. ^^;)


With one great yawn, Slowpoke shut his eyes and snuggled himself back to a deep slumber, leaving a fuming Greg, a laughing Brian and Julie, and a confused Nathan and Natalie.


“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW COULD YOU LOSE AGAINST GHETTO SURFER CONFUSED STEREOTYPE DUDE OVER THERE! YOU MUST BE HORRIBLE!”

... XD... Cream him.


Julie grinned and gave Brian a thumb up for not taking crap from Greg,

XD Whoever takes Greg seriously SHOULD be slapped upside the head.


Nathan and Tangela simply walked off, smiling at their second victory in ten minutes.

Ehehehe.


“Woah! Someone drank a bit too much coffee… Could you help me out, Mr. Ugly?” Greg requested, demonstrating his amazing disability of detecting people’s dispositions.
..*can see what's coming*


. Finally, he moved his chapped lips and sprayed a good deal of sour spit and foul breath into his victim’s face as he spoke.

*gags*


“Fearow…”

I'm getting the 'bird sliding off a window' image here. Though.. "Feeearrrooow" would've helped me imagine it better.. Nice and drawn out. XD


“Heya Brian! I found it! I bought your uncle, Bruno’s, guide for beginner battlers!

It should be "I bought your Uncle Bruno's guide..."


if she doesn’t win at least five badges, I promise I’ll feed her to my Heracross! Also, in the attached package are fifteen specialized pokeballs. You better share them with Julie and Greg. I’ll be in the Whirl Islands sometime for a little event. Good luck!

XD Poor Sunkern. And he has some famous relatives, here.

P.S.: Please remember my words of advice. Stay out of gangs, don’t do drugs, and for the love of God, DON’T GET A GIRL PREGNANT! [/quote

What lovely parting words.

[quote] Greg had managed to not hit on a single feminine shaped species for the entire break period and had loads of fun with Brian being slightly normal for once;

XD Good for Greg.


The two would have gone on even longer about each other’s mothers (who are probably dead now, Mew rest their souls…), but unfortunately, their trainers began to issue commands.
XD.. Probably are dead.. yes.


“Struggle is a move pokemon use when they can’t use any other moves. Never thought I'd see the day when struggle'd be used. Makes sense, though.


He failed to avoid everyone’s gazes and instead let the whole room see his watering crystal-colored eyes and quivering lips.

He's crying.>XD.... I feel bad for the guy and all..but I still find it kinda funny.


Gosh, you people are so gullible,” Nathan cackled, holding his stomach as he continued to laugh hysterically.

-_-...................


The looks of pity around him changed into looks of disgust and annoyance

Ditto.


red button right in the center. Gently rubbing the button with his finger now, he looked around, making sure no sailors were around.

“Only a matter of time…”


Red Buttons are never good, are they?

Anyways, overall, I liked this chapter. Keep in mind that I rather dislike battle after battle after battle after battle sort of scenarios. I like battles, but I like some character scenes in between instead of all out fighting.. ^^ Still, it was a good chapter, and for the most part, I'm not sure where all your characters stand on my like - dislike ratio.. 0_o.. Which is probably a good thing.

Anyways, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Joshua - Shadow Brigadier
23rd January 2006, 3:23 AM
Chapter 1:

I’m gonna simply start by saying that you have written the all-time best start to an OT fic, ever.

And that trophy is officially my favourite dream character.


“Oh puh-lease. This is the biggest load of bullcrap I have ever seen since the moon landing!”

The ultimate first line…


“Coke? Puh-lease! Greg still snorts pepsi thinking that he is getting high off of the painful burning, sugary sensation in his nose. I can go years about that moron, but instead, let’s focus on you! So, do tell, how does a complete idiotic, retarded, ******* like yourself become the Champion of the Whirl Island Pokemon League? I suppose all of the MTV, hip hop music, and school vending machines are to blame…”

Fantastic follow-up…


“Figures, only you would submit to the orders of a partially animate object… Anyway, since this is such a typical start of a pokemon journey, I suppose you're going to get advice from a million people, but let me be the first. Only twenty percent of all pokemon trainers make it to a tournament, the other eighty percent crash and BURN. They burn like little babies after being doused in gasoline and thrown into a furnace! They burn like...a big fire! And you are going to be among the eighty percent because, unlike the other twenty, you do not have your own TV show or fan fiction! And that’s because you’re a complete moron! I do hope you have a rather enjoyi..”

And a simply fantastic finish. Burn like little babies… that made me spray Coke out my nose laughing, it did.


Of course, there was great backlash and great support to this change. Famous and retired pokemon trainers were enraged over the government would change a tradition that lasted for thousands of years while soccer mothers were jubilant to know that their children would no longer receive bites from Rattata, bruises from Nidoran, and bloody decapitations from Scyther.

Love the soccer moms. ALL FEAR THE SOCCER MUMS!


“Oh Brian honey, have you been having those dreams about the crazy clown chasing you on a giant Butterfree with a pair of sewing scissors again?” Jolene asked with a look of dear concern on her face as her son’s face turned bright purple and the twin’s faces looked up rather eagerly.

“Mom…please don’t talk about that! No it was actually about--”

“Oh! I know! It was the Skitty gouging you eyes out! You should have heard him scream; I could have sworn I had a daughter!”

That’s it, I’m not drinking anything else until I finish this review. *wipes Coke off the computer monitor* Skitty gouging his eyes out… what a classic!


“Oh but it’s not like Brian only has nightmares all night long! He has all sorts of dreams. You should have heard him in the nights after we went to Goldenrod City and saw the gym leader Whitney!” Jolene cried with glee, looking intently at the twins. Brian dropped his egg filled spoon immediately and began to twitch madly. The two twins looked up eagerly, knowing they struck gold at their best friend’s expense.

“Oh really Mrs. Thomas? What exactly did my good buddy Brian say about that red head gym leader?” Greg asked the clueless mother, while secretly giving the magenta-faced Brian a “you go girl!” eye.

“Hmm, I’m not exactly sure what all he was saying, but I remember him going ‘I love you Whitney!’ and then ‘Your so hawt!!!’ and then for some reason, he started mooing…”

By the time Mrs. Arganaut started imitating Brian’s alleged mooing, Greg and Julie could no longer hold in their amusement and let out a huge myrrh of laughter that brought tears to their eyes and shook the kitchen table rather violently as they struck it fiercely with their fists. Jolene gave her son a big thumbs up, still under the disillusion she redeemed herself, while he slowly banged his head against the kitchen table, in hopes that his brain would come loose, freeing him from the hell that was his mother‘s love.

*has multiple heart attacks from laughing so hard* Mooing for Whitney… This keeps getting better and better.


“Sunkern Sunkern (Has it occurred to you that humans can be very strange)?” the seed pokemon asked Julie’s Machop in utter confusion at the events that just followed.

“Machop Chop Chop (That’s because they’re brainses aren’t nearly as developed as us pokemon’ses brainses)!”the fighting pokemon said in response.

“Slowpoke poke poke (I like tater tots)…”

If it’s not the human characters killing me, it’s the Pokemon! Slowpoke for the win there!


“Sunkern kern kern (Why didn’t you just get a shiny Larvitar like everybody else)…”


I love that Sunkern now.


“Yes, because those cheap mothers who buy the one dollar store brand crap are also the tramps with seven crack addicted babies you see living in trailers in Alabama! So, unless you want to be a trashy woman living in a trailer with seven crack addicted babies, hurry up to your nearest drug store and pick up as many Old Spice deodorants as you can for the low price of 3.99!” Jolene exclaimed, pulling a stick of Old Spice deodorant from her pocket turning around and giving a strangely wide grin to the air in front of her.

Simply a ROFL moment there. Great job.

Chapter 1 was simply fantastic Sunkern is my favourite character thus far, though Slowpoke looks like he’ll come through with some more great moments later on. Description is pretty good, plot seems more original than the usual OT fics, so that’s good, and character’s are coming along nicely.

Chapter 2:


Having an extremely loud and obnoxious voice, Greg’s whining was heard on the entire deck. The tall girl named Melissa looked back to see Slowpoke slowly licking his lips as he stared at the Shellder’s backside, and immediately snatched her pokemon away, marching down into the bowels of the ship. Sunkern and Machop glared at the rude pokemon trainer with disgust, starting a new discussion on which of their attacks could probably off him. Slowpoke’s eyes began to tear up as the love of his life slowly went away, all because of his stupid trainer.

“Greg, sometimes I really wish you would just shut your mouth for an entire day. Is it really that hard?” Julie muttered to herself.

“And I sure wish you would stop being such a little PMS infested bi….”

Another classic Slowpoke moment. You kick Greg’s arse Julie.


“Shut up Mr. Imgoingtoenduponthestreetswithnojobandafourhundred poundgirlfriendwhoIhavetospoonfeedbecauseshestooda mnfattogetuponherown!”

Julie for the win!


“Oh, the stupid human is going to get killed by Slowpoke. How unfortunate,” Machop muttered to Sunkern as they eagerly watched the battle.

“If he dies, do you think Brian will let me have his hat??? I love that hat!” Sunkern wondered out loud.

LOL! Sunkern rocks!


When Greg got to his feet again, Slowpoke immediately let out a huge snarl and mauled his idiotic trainer as fiercely as he could. Greg let out a high pitched girly scream as nearly two hundred pounds of pure blubber crashed into his chest and pinned him down to the floor. His entire world was consumed by shadow as the only thing he could see was the glaring face of his Slowpoke who stared down at him with his eyes shaking and his mouth foaming.

Go go rabid Slowpoke!


Sunkern launched herself from the floor straight into Greg’s face and began to assault him violently

*has another heart attack* That Sunkern rocks!


The three friends gave nervous chuckles and looked around each other nervously. One of the laws that came with the rise of the Soccer Mom included making pokemon battling illegal for children below thirteen. Apparently, some little kid named Timmy Turner got eaten by an Onix in Rock Tunnel in a tragic attempt to capture him with his bug catching net…. Either that, or he just had his straw hat stolen; it’s not like soccer moms do their research anyway.

ROFL. Take that, soccer mums!


“I don’t think you’re quite smart enough to not get eaten by a Tentacruel by the first gym!”


Ok, Tangela has just become one of my favourite Pokemon…


“My…. God…., lay off….. the potato…. chips, Fatty!”

Make that second favourite! ROFL!


They hadn’t been that disturbed since the time Greg came to the last Halloween Costume Party as an Olympic swimmer, wearing nothing but a pink speedo…

Now officially disturbed here…


Julie whispered to her Machop, who nodded at her every word, thinking about how funny it would be if Jigglypuff did explode and left a mess of blood and guts.

And Machop just made up for it. Exploding balloon of blood and guts!


With a big smile, Machop kicked Jigglypuff as hard as he could like a soccer ball, causing her to sail across the battlefield and right into Natalie’s nose.

Score!

Love the characters of Natalie and Nathan, expecially Natalie. “BEAT HIM DOWN” Jigglypuff officially made it into the book of PWNing. Characters and description are still fine, not much to say about the plot though.

Chapter 2.5:


“Bring it on Shorty! Don‘t know what Carrot Top over there sees in you…” Tangela taunted, drawing out a lone, teal vine and pointing it at herself.

Oh, what an original insult. Tangela just lost points…


“The only reason Surfer over there likes you is because he’s into bondage!” the seed pokemon responded, giving herself a tiny boost of confidence. Brian smiled at the two pokemon, wondering what absolutely wonderful and pleasant things they were saying to each other, and looked down at his own Sunkern before kneeling down to her ear.

And Sunkern just made my day. Such a cruel little seedling… YOU ROCK!


“I may be a ‘sissy stapistics analist’, Greg, but please remember, that this sissy stapistics analist can also kick your ***!”


Score one for the sissy!


“Don’t let my loss go in vain Machop! WHIP HER ***!”

“TA-TER TOTS! TA-TER TOTS!”

And yet another win for Slowpoke.

Description, characters and plot: My opinions remind the same. Though your battling descriptions are pretty good as well.

Joshua
PS. You weren’t kidding when you said it’d take a while. This review is 4 and a half pages on Word!

IceKing
23rd January 2006, 10:19 PM
More responding...

Riaf

Lol. My favorite part was when Greg and Brian began talking to each other like that, since it really showed some history on Brian (used to be horny and all). Nathan's a dweeb, IMO. XD

I planned on adding the history later, but since Greg was constantly getting abused, I wanted to show that despite all this they still were friends and why they hung out. Nathan is a dweeb XD Though toward the end of the fic, somethign drastic happens with him. That is, assuming I get toward the end of the fic XD

PDL

I don't hate it! I do enjoy the fic, I only found this chapter somewhat boring since it didn't exactly offer anything completely new... and I was kind of annoyed at the time and wasn't exactly in the right mindset to read something that long... sorry

but I did happen to like Brian standing up for himself when Greg was being an asshat

lol ok

Deoxys Trainer

Oh.. my.. goodness. That was hilarious! I haven't laughed that hard in days! I especially like the part with the note. How is he gonna get a girl pregnant if he's buzy with traveling?

Oh puh-lease. He'll be staying in towns for long periods of time :P


Saffire Persian



0_o... *eyes chapter* I forgot how dang long it was.. But here I go. *Plunges*



Lol, thanks for reviewing, you always go indepth. You dont always have to do a commentary if its too hard you know.


Finally, some compassion! ^^ Yay!


Thought of you when I wrote it ^^


When addressing a person, a comma always comes before a person's name. ^^ Always.

Thanks for drilling that into me! I will fix in and I request you keep bugging me until I finally stop making the mistake


After pressing the wrong button multiple times..what? You seem to have not completed the sentence there.. I think merging the sentence that comes after this would be helpful. XD @ 'pressing the wrong button multiple times'.

Ah, thanks for telling me. Ill go fix that


0_o.. yet again.. poor kid.

POor kid? He got the I-Poke Color with 256 color that could hold information on 3000 pokemon! 3000!


XDXDXDXDXDXDXD.... Best line Ever. EVER! *adds to quotebook*

LOL! I didn't think it was that funny actually, but I'm glad you liked it! People tend to like the jokes I dont like and hate the jokes I love XD


Isn't it "fail" or is Nathan just being stupid.

Tis chat speak. I know chat speak shouldn't be used in fics but this is an example of chat speak being used in dialogue, which happens a lot nowadays


Poor guy, too much surfing.

Exactly, kills your brain cells


0_o. Well.. um... *consoles* Nice try.

That was one of my favorite lines in the entire chapter


I personally dislike the usage of the ! mark here.

As do I, ill correct that


xD I am just waiting for him to get totally and utterly creamed, so I can watch his stupid ego deflate. =D (Yes, I use emotions a lot. ^^

I use emoticons a lot as well. And trust me, there will be plenty of Greg being creamed. Especially on this boat ride ^^



I'm getting the 'bird sliding off a window' image here. Though.. "Feeearrrooow" would've helped me imagine it better.. Nice and drawn out. XD


Good suggestion, I'll change that. Glad you got the image I wanted, your line will help out more though


XD Poor Sunkern. And he has some famous relatives, here.

Yes he does, Bruno was originally in chapter oen but I decided his appearance was too random and he probably was too busy with the Elite Four to go see his nephew leave for about two minutes XD


Never thought I'd see the day when struggle'd be used. Makes sense, though.

In my PC review from Frosty, he and I intesnely debated on whether i used it correctly or not


He's crying.>XD.... I feel bad for the guy and all..but I still find it kinda funny.

-_-...................


Ditto


ROFL! I laughed reading that part of your review. I can see you felt what they felt


Anyways, overall, I liked this chapter. Keep in mind that I rather dislike battle after battle after battle after battle sort of scenarios. I like battles, but I like some character scenes in between instead of all out fighting.. ^^ Still, it was a good chapter, and for the most part, I'm not sure where all your characters stand on my like - dislike ratio.. 0_o.. Which is probably a good thing.

I didn't want to put too many charachter scenes in between because I didn't want the chapter to be too long. There will be no battles next chapter, which is going to be rather dull, but lots of charachter interaction! Also, shouldnt be hard to know if you like my Charachters or not. Simple, do you like them or no?

~Guy with wings


I’m gonna simply start by saying that you have written the all-time best start to an OT fic, ever.

And that trophy is officially my favourite dream character.



I thought it was awesome as well ^^ And that trophy is my new favoritest charachter I have ever written


And a simply fantastic finish. Burn like little babies… that made me spray Coke out my nose laughing, it did.


Good! Im glad someone noticed that line. Why is it everyone always coincidently drinks coke when reading comedy XD



Love the soccer moms. ALL FEAR THE SOCCER MUMS!

I <3 bashing the soccer moms. More soccer mom bashing happens in my other fic too, but only at the end


That’s it, I’m not drinking anything else until I finish this review. *wipes Coke off the computer monitor* Skitty gouging his eyes out… what a classic!

That line took me half an hour to come up with and I didnt think it was funny XD A few other people thought it was good though


*has multiple heart attacks from laughing so hard* Mooing for Whitney… This keeps getting better and better.

That line coming to my head is what inspired this rewrite XD


If it’s not the human characters killing me, it’s the Pokemon! Slowpoke for the win there!


I love the pokemon more than the humans ^^


Chapter 1 was simply fantastic Sunkern is my favourite character thus far, though Slowpoke looks like he’ll come through with some more great moments later on. Description is pretty good, plot seems more original than the usual OT fics, so that’s good, and character’s are coming along nicely.


I'm ecstatic that you love Sunkern, I wanted her to be liked and your the only one who showed it XD Theres a second evil plot like most OT fics as well, but like the rest of OT fic elements, its partially parodied XD


LOL! Sunkern rocks!

*ist happy*


Make that second favourite! ROFL!

You do know Tangela said that lien unless...oohhh! Who's the first


Now officially disturbed here…

THANK YOU! You're noticing lines no one else did (or at least pointed it out in a review)


Love the characters of Natalie and Nathan, expecially Natalie. “BEAT HIM DOWN” Jigglypuff officially made it into the book of PWNing. Characters and description are still fine, not much to say about the plot though.

Natalie was changed a lot from the original. She was real Mary Sueish before. Jigglypuff is my favoritest pwning pokemon as well


Oh, what an original insult. Tangela just lost points…

Aww, I didnt really put thoguht into that insult anyway XD



Thanks a lot for reviewing! Wanna be contacted for new chapters? You seemed to like it but you might be too busy or somein




So I can easily write the new chapter but just haven't gotten time yet. I still have someone who vowed to review my fic so I'll just use her as an excuse XD If you are so desperaetley upset over not reading WIQ, you should read my other fic, A Very Special Pokemon which I personally love to death. Though its a bit innapropriate for children. Then again, so is this fic XD

Saffire Persian
23rd January 2006, 11:01 PM
I didn't want to put too many charachter scenes in between because I didn't want the chapter to be too long. There will be no battles next chapter, which is going to be rather dull, but lots of charachter interaction! Also, shouldnt be hard to know if you like my Charachters or not. Simple, do you like them or no?

I do like them - what I meant is I like them all pretty equally right now..which is strange for me, as I almost always have a character I just adore, and one that I dislike (Even if I think he's an awesome character). ^^ It's like the bad guys that are just so awesome, but you can't help but dislike.

Hope that clears that up. 0_o.. I realize it sounded as if I didn't like any single one of your characters.. oy.. not the message i was trying to put across.

Joshua - Shadow Brigadier
25th January 2006, 10:32 AM
Thanks a lot for reviewing! Wanna be contacted for new chapters? You seemed to like it but you might be too busy or somein

Iceking, I'd love to be contacted when you post new chapters.

Joshua

Elemental Charizam
3rd February 2006, 9:57 PM
Oh yeah, Fearow jerk is BACK! And so am I (at last) to review! Though as thisis a half chapter I'll give a half arsed review!

I noticed that Seedot has more of a character than last time; she brings a new kind of humour into the fold. I especially liked his battle:


“The only reason Surfer over there likes you is because he’s into bondage!” the seed pokemon responded, giving herself a tiny boost of confidence. Brian smiled at the two pokemon, wondering what absolutely wonderful and pleasant things they were saying to each other, and looked down at his own Sunkern before kneeling down to her ear.

Another pretty battle oriented chapter, and darn good battles at that. I can't wait to see the upcoming battle redone, especially a certain few. You know which I mean ;D That is, if they survive that long...

On that subject, I love that Fearow jerk, now with added evil! I'm suprised the eerily prophetic cup in Brian's dream didn't predict it. Still, I guess everyone needs a break (and a KitKat). I suspect he'll use either explosives OR those marbles that make you slip to get his revenge. Or maybe he was the guy with that earthquake-using pokémon that nearly sunk a ship, and he plans to do it again! So many crazy theories are flowing through my influenza raddled brain!


P.S.: Please remember my words of advice. Stay out of gangs, don’t do drugs, and for the love of God, DON’T GET A GIRL PREGNANT!
Good, sound advice there. If only somebody had told it to Greg, who not only takes drugs, but also spikes Slowpoke's Tater tots with dope (maybe).

Regardless, good half chaopter there Fenit!

Brian Powell
7th February 2006, 11:29 AM
Enjoyed it, mate. The battle scenes were great (seconding everything Sike said) as were the hilarious moments. One tense error that I spotted though…

No one laughed at them and gets away with it!
How about this?

No one laughed at them and got away with it!
or

No one laughs at them and gets away with it!

Some of the stuff I liked:

P.S.: Please remember my words of advice. Stay out of gangs, don’t do drugs, and for the love of God, DON’T GET A GIRL PREGNANT!
*Snorts*

The Slowpoke Vs Tangela battle, especially the part when Tangela wrapped her vines around Slowpoke’s mouth and he… *bursts out laughing*


“Bring it on Shorty! Don‘t know what Carrot Top over there sees in you…” Tangela taunted, drawing out a lone, teal vine and pointing it at herself.

“The only reason Surfer over there likes you is because he’s into bondage!” the seed pokemon responded
I second what Sike said.


“Yo Weedy! Tell your Momma I left the twenty bucks on the kitchen counter!”

“And you tell your Momma she’s the finest Gyarados I ever wrapped in my vines!” Tangela responded, grinning behind the vast cover of vines.

“Where do you think I got my big muscles and power from?”

“And your dragon breath…”
*Takes down notes* I got to use these lines when I talk smack to people I don’t like.

Overall: 5/5

cool grovyille
8th February 2006, 4:46 AM
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetness ;munchlax; ;munchlax;

IceKing
13th February 2006, 3:56 AM
Saffire Persian:



I do like them - what I meant is I like them all pretty equally right now..which is strange for me, as I almost always have a character I just adore, and one that I dislike (Even if I think he's an awesome character). ^^ It's like the bad guys that are just so awesome, but you can't help but dislike.

Hope that clears that up. 0_o.. I realize it sounded as if I didn't like any single one of your characters.. oy.. not the message i was trying to put across.


Ooh! Sorry about that XD I kinda figured it was something like that, but I just wanted to make sure.


Elemental Charzam:



Oh yeah, Fearow jerk is BACK! And so am I (at last) to review! Though as thisis a half chapter I'll give a half arsed review!

I noticed that Seedot has more of a character than last time; she brings a new kind of humour into the fold. I especially liked his battle:


WHOO! HALF ARSED REVIEWS! And I love ugly Fearow guy too ^^ I don't think you remmeber how he appeared in the last chapter of Original WIQ. And please, for the love of Slowpoke, never call Sunkern Seedot again. This is not Paco ^^



Another pretty battle oriented chapter, and darn good battles at that. I can't wait to see the upcoming battle redone, especially a certain few. You know which I mean ;D That is, if they survive that long...

On that subject, I love that Fearow jerk, now with added evil! I'm suprised the eerily prophetic cup in Brian's dream didn't predict it. Still, I guess everyone needs a break (and a KitKat). I suspect he'll use either explosives OR those marbles that make you slip to get his revenge. Or maybe he was the guy with that earthquake-using pokémon that nearly sunk a ship, and he plans to do it again! So many crazy theories are flowing through my influenza raddled brain!


Yep, thank sfor the compliment! I'm glad your thinkign a lot about the crazy Fearow guy, he will definetely play quite an important role later on (as does a new upcoming character...) Yep, you obviousuly didn't read the last chapter of original WIQ, but that's ok since it sucked Machop anyway ^^ I liked one of your theories btw...

BRian Powell


Enjoyed it, mate. The battle scenes were great (seconding everything Sike said) as were the hilarious moments. One tense error that I spotted though…

Hehe, mate... Everyone seems to reference Sike's reviews 0_0Fixed the error, thansk for pointing it out


The Slowpoke Vs Tangela battle, especially the part when Tangela wrapped her vines around Slowpoke’s mouth and he… *bursts out laughing*


Im very happy you liked it! I was worried I didnt convay a good enough picture...


*Takes down notes* I got to use these lines when I talk smack to people I don’t like.

Overall: 5/5

When someone uses my fic as an insult reference, I know i have done my job ^^ Thanks for your review mate. Appreciated espcailly when from a fellow comedy writer.


cool groviyle


sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetness

Ok, please don't SPAM my thread. If you want to review, I'm SURE you have something more to say than sweetness.



Sorry bout the wait (better than the four month waits in original WIQ :P), but here is the new chapter! I had to do a good deal of rearranging before I felt content with this chapter. I originalyl strongly disliked this chapter but now I like it alot more, especially the last four pages. Oh and WARNING: minor language use and one instance of a sexual term. If you can't handle the sexual term used in this chapter, than you wont survive in real life and you shoudln't read this fic ^^ Cynadquil Dratini, for the love of Allah, if you don't like Nurse Joy, I seriously don't know what you will like XDDDD







Chapter Three- The Goddamn Ship Ride Ends!

“Hey watch it—oww! Git off me! Hands off! Ugg, stupid redneck!”

Packed was an understatement to describe the ship. Though it was fairly large, it was not nearly large enough to accommodate the one thousand pimple-ridden, body odor-reeking thirteen year olds that swarmed the jam-packed bowels of the ship. Being able to move across the hundreds of loud, obnoxious humans and their pokemon seemed a feat more difficult than the time Jolene tried to ask for directions in a heavy metal rock concert. While there were only about fifty children going to the Whirl Islands from Cianwood City, Inland Johto had much more adolescents coming in because of the big cities like Goldenrod and Blackthorn. After a good fifteen minuets of trekking across the massive crowd, the trio and their pokemon (Slowpoke having been separated five times) finally made it to the stairway to the deck, where it was much less packed, though still having a good thirty-forty people.

“Woah! It’s bright!” Brian remarked upon being bathed in the bright sunlight of the sea sky.

Olivine City was not far off; the trio could still see the lighthouse on the horizon, not yet shining its bright light on the rocks it towered over. The sky was beginning to turn pink with the setting sun, but nighttime was still a far way off. Perhaps it was four o’ clock, either way; they would only be reaching the Whirl Islands in another four hours, when it would be perfectly dark. The salty scent of the sea was fuming in the air, making the trio’s eyes water and tongues dehydrate. It truly was very beautiful outside, the cyan depths of the sea, the sunny, puffy cloud covered sky, all the hot Goldenrod farmer girls…

“Stop ogling at them Gre…Brian???” Julie snapped, half-way through hitting Greg before realizing it was Brian who was staring vividly at the scantly clad girls, his brown eyes completely empty…

“Err, I was just…erm…thinking! Yeah! Thinking about our battles and how awesome they were! So, how ‘bout that Machop about yours?”

Julie immediately rolled her eyes while her twin brother burst out in a fit of s******s. She forced her two male friends to look away at the beautiful sea, which was about as dull as a pokemon battle between two Wobbuffet. They heard the door open and a stream of vehement mumbles follow; it was none other than the grumpy old sailor, whose name they still had not figured out, carrying his Fearow who sported a heavily bandaged beak. Turning nervously back to the sea, they stared at its beautiful, yet so very boring contents for several more minutes. Brian, who had zoned out rather quickly, finally looked up and leapt back at what he saw on the horizon of the sea.

It was a definite long, yellow shape, the same one that haunted Brian’s dreams for the past two years. Whatever it was, somehow it seemed to be staring directly at Brian, somehow giving off a distinct aura of fear. The teenager’s heart immediately froze in place. His worst nightmares had come true. It was the giant, floating banana, signifier of dreams.

“No! Please not the giant, floating banana! Please not the giant, floating banana!” Brian whispered to himself, crossing his fingers tightly and staring hopefully at the image on the horizon that refused to leave. The twins simultaneously turned their head toward their best friend, who looked like an idiot whimpering and crossing his fingers at the sea.

“Giant, floating banana? Brian, is this about that stupid thing you see in your dream which shows that it’s a dream? For the love of Vishnu, this is not a friggin dream!” Greg snapped, waving his hands foolishly in front of Brian’s eyes.

“Well, yeah… I just don’t want to have to wake up and be eight years old and wait for another five years to go on this Whirl Island quest with you and Julie. Because a pokemon journey is about more than just catching pokemon; it’s about bonding and learning the respons—”

“Can it Brian! Yeesh, you can be such a clichéd character at times! This is not a dream, and I’ll prove it to ya!” Julie pulled up her shirt sleeves and jumped at Brian rather spontaneously, wrapping her legs around his thighs and giving him one hell of a noogy with her sharp knuckles.

Greg snorted with laughter as he watched Brian rotate around in circles, carefully away from the railing, with Julie on his back, attempting to dig into his brains with her painful noogies. Though his brotherly instinct was raging at him to get his sister’s legs off of another guy’s thighs, his normal Greg instinct demanded that he just go along with it. And so the two continued to spin around in circles childishly as Julie started to draw blood, and Brian pleaded for his freedom, laughing far too hard to be speak coherently.

“Hey! St-top t-that! Git off me! You st-stupid c-crazy h-h-harpy!”

“HEY! You kids cut that out right now! Last thing I need is to be scraping bodies off the deck…” The same grumpy (with no better adjective to describe him) sailor chastised, looking as surly as usual. His Fearow still maintained his menacing, ready-to-murder countenance, though his pride was slightly damaged upon having his incredibly huge orange beak cracked.

Julie immediately dropped from Brian’s back, muttering and rolling her eyes as she turned away from the sailor. Brian mumbled a few words of apologies before following Julie, trembling in fear. Greg, however, was no longer going to put up with this crazy maniac’s tyranny any longer. No one ever bossed him around and got away with it! Except, of course, for that one time a few weeks ago when someone bossed him around and got away with it…

“Ok, listen up you stupid dentist-needing, ham-loving, shampoo-deprived old man! I have just had enough with you! Just because you never got an education, and you’re stuck with this deadbeat job doesn’t mean you can take your stupid anger out on us! And I’m not afraid of you because your ugly *** Fearow can’t peck me with that pathetic excuse for a beak!”

Half the deck immediately turned to see the grumpy man’s reaction, while the other half actually had lives. Julie and Brian gaped at the two incredulously, but decided that they didn’t want to get involved and turned around to talk about frivolous things. The grumpy old sailor, surprisingly, made no response and rather stood in silence, his surreal bright green eyes vibrating slowly. It was quite clear that if he had immediately released his anger, Greg would be sleeping blissfully inside one of the ship’s propellers at this point.
Looking to his Fearow in agreement, the sailor let out a horrible roar that echoed all throughout the Cianwood sea and marched back down the stairs, ready to do his sailor duties once more, fuming with anger. Greg noticed that the man had one of his beefy arms in his uniform’s pocket, fiddling around with some sort of square device.

“How much you want to bet he’ll snuff it within a month?” Machop asked Sunkern snidely, as they took bets with a nearby Sentret and Caterpie.

“I’ll give him two!”

“Two?? Try two weeks!”

“I just know he’ll be gone soon, and I will be wearing that hat on my head!” Sunkern commented, eyeing Greg lustfully as he adjusted his orange and black starred hat sideways, in hopes of getting people to see how unbelievably cool he was.

“Did you see how that guy just left? What can I say? No one can fight against the ‘Greatest Pimp in All of Johto!’” Greg snidely commented, holding his head rather high. Rather than wasting precious energy rolling their eyes, Julie and Brian simply turned back to the sea.

Ignored by his friends, Greg looked around frantically, searching desperately for a way he could get attention. Feeling too bored to disturb other people, his eyes found a sleeping Slowpoke, snuggled up in the corner of the deck. An invisible light bulb had popped up in his head telling him that he had an opportunity of a life time within his reach. Slowpoke was asleep, and Brian had a new set of pokeballs…

“OH MY BUDDHA! W IS SPELLED DOUBLE U BECAUSE IT HAS TWO U’S!” Greg shouted rather loudly, causing many people to turn to look at him.

“Greg! You said that five times yesterday; we get it! Hey, Slowpoke is asleep now. You can prolly put him in a pokeball now that he’s weakened. Here, take one!” Brian said, tossing his friend a light blue pokeball from his pack.

“Oh right! Hah! That stupid lard won’t have to be near me anymore. Good ol’ sleep…makes both pokemon and females easy to capture…”

Julie wanted very much to maul Greg for his last comment, but was restrained by Brian, who was eagerly awaiting Slowpoke’s capture, hoping that somehow it would keep Greg from being too stupid later on.

Sunkern and Machop exchanged smirks as they gleefully watched Greg and Slowpoke, awaiting his attempt to capture him. Greg closed his eyes, adjusted his sideways hat, and kissed his knuckles, holding the Lure Ball tightly. Facing a vulnerable Slowpoke with a look of determination on his face, the blonde bombshell threw the Lure Ball as fast as he could, missing Slowpoke by a good ten feet and landing at Julie’s feet with a rather weak pitter-patter.

Luckily, no one was paying attention to Greg, and no one was there to guffaw at Greg beside a beet red Brian and Julie. Giggling mischievously to herself, Julie tossed the ball back at Greg, who caught it perfectly.

“Errrm, take two!”

Repeating the fancy eye closing, hat adjusting, knuckle-kissing once more, Greg threw the Lure Ball in an underhand toss right at a blissfully unaware Slowpoke. The pokeball stopped in mid-air right above the bear pokemon, and the two light blue halves lifted apart by some binding, mystical force, shooting out a red beam at Slowpoke, who simply swatted it away with his tail, still asleep.

“What the ****! You little ********!” Greg screamed. The sailors turned and gaped at him rather shocked, but the other teenagers on the line had heard much worse things in their lives and could care less. A few had turned to watch Greg, interested in seeing a washed-up blonde fight a big, pink bear. Julie, grumbling in annoyance, stepped forward with Machop, prepared for what would happen next.

After five minutes of loud cursing and chastising from Sailors, Greg decided to consult Bruno in his guidebook. Julie reluctantly handed him their pack, half-curious as to what he would do. Slowpoke still remained blissfully asleep, dreaming of tater-tots and burning babies. Greg flipped through the many pages of the guide book madly until he came upon a section on capturing pokemon.

“Here’s something! I have to weaken the pokemon, and it would help a lot if I put it to sleep or paralyzed it. He’s already asleep, so why don’t I paralyze him! So, GREG USE GLARE!” Greg commanded to himself.

Brian and Julie groaned exasperatedly, but a voice inside their head told them not to stop him just yet since he and Slowpoke had a habit of providing good entertainment with their battles.

“Hey, Sunkern and Machop, get ready to separate the two love birds if they get too feisty!” Brian yelled at the two grinning pokemon. Greg shut his eyes tightly and began to gently caress his temples with one finger each, focusing his eyes for one hell of a Glare attack. Slowpoke would soon be scared to paralysis!

“Okay Lardo, look into my eyes!” Greg ordered his pokemon. Awakening from his unnoticed slumber with a snap, Slowpoke turned around and faced Greg dumbfounded. He was half-hoping that by “eyes” Greg meant “hot dog”; his stomach rumbled rather painfully. Greg’s squeezed his eyebrows as hard as he could, adding in a nice toothy snarl and scrunched up his nose. His large, pale green eyes quivered ominously, attempting meekly to frighten Slowpoke out of his wits. The bear pokemon did look into Greg’s eyes, but was more focused on the fact that they looked like nice little delicious grapes that he could eat…

Greg slung the pokeball forward once more, and the red beam shot out toward Slowpoke again, however, Slowpoke swatted the beam yet again with his tail. Greg was burning a bright shade of purple as the bystanders watched his stupidity. Slowpoke than snapped his mouth forward, trying to eat his trainer’s delicious eyes. Luckily, Greg managed to move his head back in time, Glare attacking slipping away into a Scared Face. But the human/pokemon (surprisingly) controlled his anger and instead sighed and began flipping through the guide book again, until he came upon a page of attacks A-B. “Let me try an Attract attack!” Greg mumbled.

Julie and Brian immediately cringed, fearing what would come next. Many of the guys turned around chauvinistically while several girls turned around in interest. Half of them had experienced Greg’s lame “Attract” attacks before and wanted to see how it would work on a pokemon. With a stone-cold “sexy” expression and a small-somehow “sexy” smile, Greg rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and began to flex his biceps and raise his eyebrows in a very seductive matter.

Slowpoke wasn’t attracted at all. In fact, he looked more as if he were about to throw up his Remoraid and Bits. Greg frowned and began rubbing his chest in a very horrifying (and “Sexy”) matter. Two teenagers that owned the Sentret and Caterpie turned to face Brian and Julie.

“Do you know this guy?” a chestnut haired boy with the Sentret said.

“No! I swear we don’t. He just follows us around,” Julie responded. Greg had given up on his Attract attack (looking proudly at the giggling females repeatedly) and returned to his usual attacking.

“All right, no more of that! I’m too sexy for that stupid pokemon to comprehend… GREG USE KARATE CHOP LIKE MACHOP!” Greg ordered to himself. He flung himself forward with his fist straightened out and brought it down upon Slowpoke, but the dopey pokemon moved, and his hand ended up striking Slowpoke’s tail.

“Oh crap. Sunkern get ready,” Brian ordered. Sunkern hopped toward Slowpoke, prepared for the worst. Slowpoke stood still and turned to face his idiotic trainer. His countenance was ten times worse than Greg’s terrifying Glare attack. Roaring with all his might, he glowed white with a Curse attack and launched himself at Greg.

“All right Greg, time for a Harden attack!” Greg said rubbing his hands together as the bear leaped toward him.

“NOOOOO!” Brian, Julie, and all the other trainers yelled in unison, absolutely mortified at what Greg would do, but thankfully, Slowpoke’s attack struck before Greg could do anything. Greg flew back ten feet and crashed against the cold, railing, which was nearly becoming his best friend.

Brian was positioned to order an attack from Sunkern, but a strawberry blonde girl from the deck, whose height rivaled Julie’s, intervened. “Let me take care of this. Caterpie, use String Shot on both of them!” she ordered.

Her Caterpie, a green and white worm the size of a computer processor, released a barrage of white string which entangled both Greg and Slowpoke in a large ball of white silk. The girl walked forward and rolled the large ball of idiots to the side of the boat. Greg and Slowpoke’s heads peaked out side by side while the girl lectured them.

“My name is Melanie, and I’m sick of you two! You’re partners and should be friends not enemies! You, stupid boy with the ugly hair cut, if your pokemon doesn’t want to be in its pokeball, leave it like that! Now I don’t want to here a word out of both of you until we reach Slateblue City!” Melanie hollered.

“Yes Ma’am,” Greg responded mawkishly, glaring at Melanie. Melanie slapped the living daylights out of Greg and walked away, leaving his cheeks red and his manhood shrunken. Every single person and pokemon on board the deck clapped and cheered for Melanie for silencing the stupid boy while Slowpoke dozed off, finding his new silky prison rather comfortable.




*****

And so the sun had finally sunken into the depths of the horizon, leaving the sky bathed in dark orange and red colors, as the full moon began to take over as beacon of the night. The ship’s captain gave himself a wry smile as the giant lighthouse of Slateblue City came into view. It would only be another hour before they finally hit the Whirl Islands now, and the children would finally be gone. It was almost 8:00 clock now and the majority of the children had now come up into the deck, bored with all the leisure devices in the basement, and ready to finally set out. Brian, Julie, and Greg (who was released from the silk ball thanks to a helpful Charmander) were among these children on the deck as they waited gleefully for the ship ride to finally come to an end. Sunkern remained perched still on Brian’s shoulder; Machop stayed faithfully at Julie’s side, as the two played thumb war (resulting in several yelps of pain from Julie); Greg examined Slowpoke carefully for any bruises or broken bones after the little bout they had with some random Blackthorn City boy and his Swinub who dared to hit on Julie.

“Greg, you have some nerve, ya know? I can take care of myself!” Julie said bitterly, dwelling on the immense humiliation her twin put her through as she made a little show of marching away to be with her female friends.

“You wouldn’t dare! Because I can tell them about that time you…did….something…incriminating….which I have not yet told you I know about! Hmm, Slowpoke is fine! You know he ain’t that bad, but I’m still trading him for a Lugia when we get there…” Greg demanded as he stood from his pokemon and turned his gaze to Brian. The redhead leaned lethargically, bored of the constant bickering around him.

“Huh? Why are you looking at me? Oh yeah, you and Julie are temporarily not talking again. That Slowpoke is a lot more powerful than you think, though I’m telling you Greg; you’re not winning the Whirl Cup. Experienced people who trained water pokemon for years are competing whereas you are a ten percent mentally retarded boy who will probably have two water pokemon by the time the Cup comes!” Brian commented as he turned to face Greg as well.

“You know who else will be there? Misty…”

“Shut up! Isn’t she like forty now?”

“Hey, I don’t mind an older woman. Don’t worry though, I’m sure that plenty of surfing hunks will be battling for you to ogle at, eh, eh?”

“Oh yes, I can hardly wait to see them! So anyways—”

“ALL ADOLESCENTS FROM CIANWOOD, OLIVINE, AND ECRUTEAK CITY PLEASE REPORT TO THE BATTLE ROOM WHERE YOU WILL BE BRIEFED ON WHAT IS TO COME!

Their conversation was immediately cut short by the captain’s intercom announcement. Taking their pokemon with them, a good third of the deck went back down to the Battle Room, ready for their instructions.


Fifteen boring, gratuitous minutes later

“So we’re going to the PokeCenter, right?” Brian asked for the umpteenth time, perusing the brochures handed out at the short convene (that only he found remotely interesting).

“YES! Now stop asking! Look, you can already see the city clearly! Dang, it’s pretty nice!” Greg shouted as he pointed at the city which was not more than twenty minutes away from now.

The vast harbor with the many boats and other large ships took up most of the sight, but they could still see the tops white buildings and some fancy decorations, welcoming the newcomers. Apart from the size of the great port, it looked identical to Cianwood as a seaside city. After a good ten minutes, the deck they were supposed to reach became apparent with the multiple lights attached around its edges and the big banner that hung above it stating “WELCOME JOHTO CHILDREN!”

Brian’s excitement reached an all time zenith as his heart began to pound fiercely against his chest. It was obviously not the first time he had ever seen the Whirl Islands, but it was the start of a new, exciting part of his life. He looked below at his top-notch pokeball belt which now fashioned five different types of pokeballs, ready to hold a good five new pokemon by the end of the year. He then looked at Sunkern who slept blissfully in his arms; she would be the one pokemon he would not subject to the captivity of the pokeball. Sunkern hadn’t been in one since she joined Brian five years ago and she wasn’t about to be in one now. He looked at Sunkern, who was in a deep slumber, with a smile; she looked so incredibly peaceful…

“Brian? We’re here now, Brain. You happy?” Greg commented

“Huh?” Brian immediately jerked his head forward. Lying on the floor, eyes open and mouth frowned with anger, was his Sunkern. His arms were holding the railing tightly; he had fallen asleep. He didn’t notice that the ship had finally anchored down in the Slateblue City Port.

“I swear Brian, I am going to gently poke you till your horrible death!”

“Hey guys! Let’s go!” Julie said as she popped out unexpectedly from behind the two boys, causing Brian to leap slightly. Smiling to themselves they flocked toward the Cianwood group on the ship, ready to leave to the PokeCenter where they would be staying. After nearly twenty minutes of waiting and getting things organized, they were finally able to leave one group at a time, each accompanied by a sailor. With good old Greg’s luck, the Cianwoodians were obviously stuck with the same, maniac sailor, who demanded on holding Greg’s hand (or neck sleeve) for the trip.


Not long after…

“Stay in a single file line, yeh little ingrates! Last thing I need is someone dying on me…so much paperwork…” He trailed off, and the whole group was silent except for the pitiful whimpers of Greg. Brian and Julie stayed near the front of the group, not wanting to leave Greg alone with the crazy guy. When Brian finally stepped off the hardwood of the port and took his first steps into the soil of the Whirl Islands, he immediately turned back and looked at the S.S. Mantine, the final link to his home, one last time and grinned broadly. The journey had officially begun.

“Ouch…ouch…git off me! This is unwanted touch damn it! This is rape! C’mon Julie, kick this guy’s ***!” Greg pleaded as he tried to twist and turn his way out of the crazy sailor’s Pincer-like grip. Julie looked at him with puppy eyes; she could have easily kicked the sailor’s *** if she wanted to, but Greg deserved his humiliation for being such an ***.

And so the Cianwood group marched silently through the dark roads of Slateblue City. Brian wouldn’t have talked anyway; he was too busy taking in the aura of this new city. The city got its name for its slate-blue colored buildings and homes. They passed many houses (with very welcoming residents), tiny stores, pokemon exhibits, and plenty of other fun looking places. He enviously listened to the laughs of the other Johto adolescents whose sailor guides gave them a tour of the city rather than just forcing them right to their designated resting place like his own. Twenty boring minutes later, they finally finished walking the full seven blocks and reached the PokeCenter.

PokeCenter’s always looked different in each region, and the Whirl Islands had their own specially built PokeCenters as well. It was about the size of two sea cottages and was dome shaped. It was mainly burgundy, but had a crystal clear glass roof. Situated at the line between the actual marble building and the glass roof was a large red and white pokeball image below a great red cross. As soon as the group came within five feet of this building, the grumpy sailor immediately let go of Greg and marched back to the S.S. Mantine, caring less as to what would be of the children.

“Have a fun trip!” he said in a falsetto, mawkish voice before adding in a very quiet, “yeh stupid morons…”

“What on Earth is that jerks problem?” the tall girl named Melissa asked when he finally was out of view.

“He needs to get a woman. Seriously,” Greg responded as he caressed his sore forearms.

Immediately chattering away like normal teenagers when the sailor disappeared, the group of about fifty teenagers swarmed into the PokeCenter. Brian, being the push-over he is, found himself tripping on his face trying to get in the door and was stepped on by a good twenty five people, including Greg who had to be pulled back by an angry Julie.

“Are you okay Brian?” she asked, purple faced in her attempt not to burst out laughing.

“Ugg…sure, why not?” he groaned as he struggled up with Greg’s aid, the back of his blue shirt and his red hair grey with the dust of the bottoms of people’s shoes. Though most teenagers were insensitive little pricks, a few children were nice enough to have remained to check on Brian (mostly female). Upon seeing the fact that he was alive, most scurried back into the long, fifty people line while only Melissa remained behind, rushing up to Brian to check on him herself.

“BRIAN! I think you need to have the Nurse Joy give you a check up!”

“I’m fine!” Brian stated with a deadly air to the two girls. Julie was rather taken aback at her normally polite, and courteous friend turning rather rude while Melissa simply scoffed and got at the end of the long line that extended a good ten feet out of the door of the PokeCenter.

“Good going Goofy! Now we have to wait another what, million minutes? Now what are we going to?” Greg grumbled, glaring at his friend with contempt.

“I’m sorry Greg, do you want me to give you a blowjob as condolence? Hmm?” Brian asked rather sarcastically; he was not one to laugh at his own misfortunes and rather felt humiliated by them instead.

“Brian, chill out. You’re one of the only guys who I know who remains nice all the time and doesn’t use such filthy words. Stop it right now.” Julie’s eyes were blazing with fury, but no other part of her face showed it. Brian’s annoyed countenance slipped off his face like a piece of raw meat. Julie was one of the most deadly persons to cross; though she barely struck four foot nine and was but stick and bones, she tore apart her enemies likes an Ursaring tears apart the flesh of a little, bawling baby Spheal.

“Sorry…”

A few people standing in the slowly progressing lines snickered, but were soon met by the snarls of a pre-tantrum Julie. “IS THERE SOMETHING YOU’RE LOOKING AT? I know Brian is sexy and all, but he doesn’t like people gawking at him!”

The next few moments passed on silently and mundanely. The trio looked up and around their surroundings with curiosity; it was night time, but they did not feel tired at all and wanted to explore the city. It appeared the city had died at sunset because the only living souls they caught sight of were walking back in their homes, even the bird pokemon had not appeared in the sky. Unable to stand still for more than several minutes, Greg started circling around in circles, fidgeting madly.

“Brian? Do you have any food on you? I’m starving! Those subs they gave us on the ship weren’t ample enough to fill a big strong man like me!” Greg asked.

“Greg, we’re having dinner in the PokeCenter! Be patient and you can have your crackers and Wailmer paste!” Brian scolded resulting in a childish, pleading look from Greg.

After another boring, eventless half-hour, the trio and Melissa finally found themselves nearly ready to register with the Nurse Joy behind the counter. After being inside the dank ship and the cold outside, the warm PokeCenter was a much more pleasant change. Inside they found themselves smothered with the bright light and colors. There were several cyan, spitz couches along the pink flowered wallpapers. A lone fan hung overhead, bathing the room with fresh, cool air. On the walls were numerous paintings of different pokemon, including a very seductive water painting of a Jynx on a beach…

“GREG! You sicko, it’s a freaking pokemon!” Melissa snapped, slapping Greg in the back of head after seeing him look at the painting of the Jynx with a rather curious expression on his face.

“What??? I’m just looking! Yeesh. Why are you even still with us anyway? Aren’t you going to go bunk up with Sarah, Leslie, and all them? Oh wait, THEY DON’T LIKE YOU!” Greg responded rather viciously, glaring at Melissa with considerable contempt. She was a rare specimen: a non-Julie remotely good-looking girl that Greg did not lust over. The tall girl looked rather taken aback by Greg’s statement, but her nasty countenance returned soon, ready to chew him out. However, Julie intervened.

“She’s MY friend, Gregory. And she’s COMING WITH US!”

Brian, Greg, and Melissa were all immediately shocked by this statement; clearly, only Julie was the one who decided this. Brian’s dreams of a wonderful, happy-go-lucky journey with him and the twins prancing around beaches holding hands immediately shattered as Melissa, some tall girl he barely knew, came in the picture, dragging the three smaller teens through the sands of the beaches as she took enormous her enormous strides.

“W-wait? Melissa is coming with us?” Brian and Greg asked in unison.

“Julie, it’s ok! You don’t have to take me along…” Melissa mumbled in a small voice, looking at her rather large feet uncomfortably.

“Nah, Melissa, it’s okay! You’re staying with your cousin Mallory most of this year, right? Masoit City is just one city away, and we have to go there anyway since it’s organizing the Whirl Cup. Greg’s opinion doesn’t count, and Brian and I would love to have you and Shellder, even if it’s just for a few days! What do you say?” Julie asked eagerly, clutching Melissa’s right hand in a rather pleading manner.

“Yeah! You should come along with us Melissa. I think we were planning on going to Masoit City first, right Greg?” Brian rushed in a feigned, cheerful voice, elbowing Greg rather roughly in the stomach. He was a very relieved that she would only be with them for a few days, though in his perfect vision it would just be the three of them starting the journey.

“OWW! Yeah sure, if it’s just for a few days…”

“Alright then, I guess… Don’t worry, Gregory, we’ll have plenty of fun times together!” The new, temporary group member added; her spirits slightly increased after insulting Greg. Deep within her crystal-blue eyes, Brian saw some sort of demon swimming about, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find out what was wrong with Melissa. Julie, the most sensitive of the three, obviously saw what was wrong, because though she was grinning rather widely, at the same time she was rubbing Melissa’s back as if consoling her.

“Next in line please!”

Nurse Joy’s voice cut through the awkward moment rather quickly and the four turned to walk towards the counter as the final group went to the sleeping ward. Behind the counter, they saw the most cheerful, personality-less woman they would ever see in their lives. Her hair was bright-pink just like Jolene’s, but unlike Jolene’s original ponytail, her’s was split in the middle to form two hoops. Her eyes were bright brown and seemed to be full of excitement while her small, botox-fortified smile seemed as if it would remain even if her flesh was being eaten away by Ratatta.

“Welcome to Slateblue Pokemon Center. My name is Nurse Joy. I take it you are here for your pokemon license? Is anyone signing up for the Adolescent Whirl Island Pokemon League?” Joy said to them with her bright smile and the distinctive air of a Stepford Wife. Besides the nurse was an oval, egg-shaped light pink pokemon named Chansey that fashioned a small nurse’s cap similar to Joy’s.

“Chansey! Chansey! (God! I hate smiling this much!)”

“Yep, we’re all from Cianwood! I’m the only one signing up for the league, though. Wait, what about you Melissa?” Brian asked.

“Nah, I’m doing the Whirl Cup like Gregory,” Melissa promptly responded. She was holding herself slightly higher than before.

“Well yeah, I’m the only one signing up for the league. By the way, aren’t you the same Nurse Joy from the Olivine City?” Brian asked, resulting in a hearty chuckle from the nurse.


“Oh no! She is my second cousins sister in law’s Growlithe’s walker! I don’t know why everyone says we Nurse Joy look alike; we only share little resemblance! Hey, I think I know you! Isn’t your mother the Nurse Joy from Cianwood. She is my third cousin’s brother in law’s great aunt’s cousin’s husband’s niece, the little pony-tail wearing, different-name having, pessimistic traitor!” Nurse Joy responded in her same immensely cheerful tone.

“Yes! My mom is the Nurse Joy from Cianwood, although we call her Jolene! It’s freaky how you guys are all interrelated. Wait a second, what was your last comment?” Brian riposted. Nurse Joy gave her same hearty chuckle once more.

“I didn’t say anything after niece, hon. Pinky-promise! Oh, and I wouldn’t say we’re all related. The Nurse Joy from Goldenrod City is so many nieces and fourth cousins distantly related from me, it’s hardly worth mentioning! [/i]Who does she think she is with that blue hair…[/i] Anyway, normally the pokemon licenses are I-Pokes, but Chuck alerted me that you three would have the brand new I-Poke Minis, so just hand me your I-Poke Mini, and I will upload the license card onto there after a few questions!” Nurse Joy explained, holding her arms out for the technological innovations.

“Wait, what about me? Unlike the incredibly lucky Greg, Julie, and Brian, I don’t have an I-Poke Mini…” Melissa asked flabbergasted as the trio handed the Nurse their devices.

“Wait you turn! Errm, darling! Impatience will only get you wrinkles and punches to the face!” Nurse Joy continued, her lips looking as if they would snap apart from the very forceful way she was smiling and chuckling.

“What a weirdo…” Greg mumbled under his breath. After a few questions concerning vital stats, Joy handed the trio back their shining, silver I-Poke Minis while tossing a rather dusty, humongous (nearly an inch thicker than the Mini!) I-Poke Normal that had a cracked screen. Melissa looked down sadly at her obsolete, barely working I-Poke and then looked back up at the Nurse.

“Little girl, with the economy the way it is, you should be glad you’re wearing those pants right now! Ah ha ha ha! Anyways, here’s your room key. You’re in Room 9! Now have a good nights sleep, or else!” Nurse Joy continued with her voice becoming steadily more and more dangerous. Brian quickly grabbed the key and exchanged a grimace with Sunkern, who was equally frightened by the nurse.

“I’d hate to see what that woman does when no one’s looking…” Machop mumbled to Slowpoke, who continued to stare blankly into space. Scarred and disturbed from the Nurse’s extremely strange behavior, the foursome and their pokemon walked into the sleeping ward while Nurse Joy continued to smile brightly and happily, waiting impatiently for them to leave.

“Hey, wait a second! Aren’t we supposed to leave our pokemon with you for a starting journey check up?” Julie asked the nurse just before they were about to leave off into their room. Sunkern and Machop exchanged fearful looks; they did not want to be left with that crazy human lady.

“Yeah sure, errm, I will be sure to treat them like little kings and queens!” Nurse Joy muttered, nearly losing her cheery voice.

“Sure. Sunkern, don’t worry; I’ll make sure to pick you up tomorrow morning. Just stay with Nurse Joy tonight, so we know you’re not sick,” Brian told the seed pokemon on his shoulder. Sunkern nodded half-heartedly, not showing her annoyance, and leaped toward the counter.

“Same with you Machop,” Julie said to her fighting pokemon.

“Good night Shellder!” Melissa mumbled as she handed the pokeball that contained her Slowpoke to the nurse.

“Whatever! Just get this fat lard away from me,” Greg mumbled as he pushed Slowpoke to the counter, leaving a startled Nurse Joy.


Twenty Minutes Later

“Mannn that was one hell of a start to a journey! That nurse was CREEPY! Well, we’re gonna be off tomorrow morning right?” Brian said as he sat in the middle of their room wearing his pajamas. It felt rather weird not having Sunkern by his side, but it was also important to have some “all-human” time as well.

“Yep, tomorrow is the last day to register for the Whirl Cup, and Greg and I need to get to Masoit City! My uncle is the Vice President of the Whirl Cup tournament execution! I can hardly wait to take on your Slowpoke, Gregory!” Melissa replied as she hugged her plush Clefairy toy.

“Slowpoke will be a killing machine by the time I’m done training him, Melissa dear! I can’t believe we already have to be in bed; it’s only ten o’ clock!” Greg commented, flexing his arm with a very large, metal 5-pound dumbbell.

“What have you been doing with him for the past five years if it wasn’t training? I shoulda prolly entered the league as well since I might go ahead and choose to do that. I can hardly wait to see the birthplace of Tiffany S. Terracotta, first female elite four member in Kanto/Johto!” Julie squealed happily, even getting Melissa to roll her eyes. Brian opened his mouth to speak, but was rudely interrupted by a sharp rapping at the door.

“Please go to sleep, children! I’m trying to watch my stories—err take care of the pokemon, and I can’t do it with all this noise!” the nurse responded from the other side of the door in her dangerously sweet voice.

Groaning exasperatedly, reminded of having bedtimes back home, the children returned to their bunks, Greg and Brian in one and Melissa and Julie in the other. As Greg climbed to the top of his bunk, he started muttering to himself, not too fond of being ordered around by a woman.

“Stupid pink-haired, bit—”

“I can hear you, Sweety!” Julie cried, mocking the nurse’s high voice. Everyone immediately bursted into a tiny fit of giggles.

“I SAID GO TO SLEEP! THAT MEANS YOU TAKE YOUR LITTLE BONY BUTTS, CLIMB INTO BED, AND SHUT THE HELL UP! NOW!”







Fun Facts:

Original Version: Is 30 pages at the end of chapter 4 (this versions chapter 3)
unBEARably Sexeh Version: Is 59 pages at the end of chapter 3

Original Version: Was crap and was rated (believe it or not) 5 stars
unBEARably Sexeh Version: Is crap and is rated 4 stars! The more sexeh it is the more crappy is is :-$





EDIT!!!!!!!!!!!:PICTURE OF "FIT" GREG AND SLOWPOKE!

http://img131.imageshack.us/my.php?image=greg46xg.jpg

:) Tell me what you think!

xXSaberXx
13th February 2006, 5:04 AM
ROFL.

All time favortie quote that made me laugh for seven freakin minutes;


“Here’s something! I have to weaken the pokemon, and it would help a lot if I put it to sleep or paralyzed it. He’s already asleep, so why don’t I paralyze him! So, GREG USE GLARE!” Greg commanded to himself.

I think I lost a lung. D: or two.


LOLOL. This was hilarious. I like Melissa. D: AND JULIE IS CLINGY! D::::: YAY

Well.

Not really.

I think Greg is teh secks. Kinda retarded secks, but you get what I mean. :P Awesome work with his and Slowpoke's character so far.

Brian is...well...BRIAN. YAY. Luffs.

And Julie is your typical annoying sister. D: With an uppercut that knocks grown men out! WHEE.

I really liked this chap. So glad Melissa is coming too. Her and Greg are such a sweet couple. /sarcasm. =D And the cranky old man.

:P FEAROW AND LE BEAK.

The word Pimple-ridden never ceases to amuse me.

BRAVO!

Sike Saner
13th February 2006, 5:08 AM
Let it be known that the following are sure-fire recipes for magic:

1.) Greg and Slowpoke, and

2.) Evil nurses.

Because you went and had both of those things, this was a pretty damn entertaining chapter. NOW! Let us get into the highlights so that I can show you exactly what injured my min- I mean, made me laugh. ^_____^


Chapter Three- The Goddamn Ship Ride Ends!

THAT IS THE BEST CHAPTER TITLE EVER. *_*


She forced her two male friends to look away at the beautiful sea, which was about as dull as a pokemon battle between two Wobbuffet.

Hey! I conducted a battle between two Wobbuffet on Stadium 2 once, and I tell you, I was riveted!


Please not the giant, floating banana! Please not the giant, floating banana!

*sigh* You mention bananas, and you know what that makes me hear every time…BANANA BANANA BANANA BANANA TERRACOTTA, BANANA TERRACOTTA, TERRACOTTA PIE! @_@


The same grumpy (with no better adjective to describe him) sailor

XDDD


“I just know he’ll be gone soon, and I will be wearing that hat on my head!” Sunkern commented, eyeing Greg lustfully as he adjusted his orange and black starred hat sideways, in hopes of getting people to see how unbelievably cool he was.

XD …Why do I like that part so much?


“Did you see how that guy just left? What can I say? No one can fight against the ‘Greatest Pimp in All of Johto!’” Greg snidely commented, holding his head rather high.

Oh, my God… XPPP


“OH MY BUDDHA! W IS SPELLED DOUBLE U BECAUSE IT HAS TWO U’S!” Greg shouted rather loudly, causing many people to turn to look at him.

…wow. XD


Good ol’ sleep…makes both pokemon and females easy to capture...

I so shouldn’t laugh at that…and yet, I do. XD


Slowpoke still remained blissfully asleep, dreaming of tater-tots and burning babies.

Oh, the unbridled bossness of it all… *dreamy sigh*


“Here’s something! I have to weaken the pokemon, and it would help a lot if I put it to sleep or paralyzed it. He’s already asleep, so why don’t I paralyze him! So, GREG USE GLARE!” Greg commanded to himself.

Frickin’ awesome. And funnier still because the magic words, “GREG USE GLARE!” are in caps, which causes me to hear him commanding himself with great gusto. I also see him pointing dramatically into the air as he does this. XD Greg is just too boss for words.


He was half-hoping that by “eyes” Greg meant “hot dog”; his stomach rumbled rather painfully.

What th’?…

XDDD

Slowpoke rules.


“Let me try an Attract attack!” Greg mumbled.



*eyes glaze, mouth falls open, and they stay that way for five minutes*


Greg frowned and began rubbing his chest in a very horrifying (and “Sexy”) matter.

Oh, good God… XD


“All right Greg, time for a Harden attack!” Greg said rubbing his hands together as the bear leaped toward him.

“NOOOOO!” Brian, Julie, and all the other trainers yelled in unison, absolutely mortified at what Greg would do

O_O

*Knights of Standards and Practices raise swords in anticipation*


but thankfully, Slowpoke’s attack struck before Greg could do anything.

The entire population of planet Earth: Phew.


Melanie slapped the living daylights out of Greg and walked away, leaving his cheeks red and his manhood shrunken.

I know what you were saying there. But still…just look at it.

Yes. I have an impure mind. :3


And so the sun had finally sunken into the depths of the horizon, leaving the sky bathed in dark orange and red colors, as the full moon began to take over as beacon of the night.

Very lovely. ^^


Greg examined Slowpoke carefully for any bruises or broken bones after the little bout they had with some random Blackthorn City boy and his Swinub who dared to hit on Julie.

O_o

…Ohh, I wish I wasn’t able to picture that…


Because I can tell them about that time you…did….something…incriminating….which I have not yet told you I know about!

LMAO


“You know who else will be there? Misty…”

“Shut up! Isn’t she like forty now?”

XDDD Oh, man, that caught me off guard…


“I swear Brian, I am going to gently poke you till your horrible death!”

That’s another one where I don’t understand why I found it as funny as I did…


Brian’s annoyed countenance slipped off his face like a piece of raw meat.

…That got me wondering…what would it look like if he was literally struck in the face by a piece of meat? Hmm…*imagines a piece of bologna slapping him in the face*

…Why do I get the strange feeling that something was gonna make me imagine that sooner or later anyway? o_o


On the walls were numerous paintings of different pokemon, including a very seductive water painting of a Jynx on a beach…

“GREG! You sicko, it’s a freaking pokemon!” Melissa snapped, slapping Greg in the back of head after seeing him look at the painting of the Jynx with a rather curious expression on his face.

XD Nice.


Her eyes were bright brown and seemed to be full of excitement while her small, botox-fortified smile seemed as if it would remain even if her flesh was being eaten away by Ratatta.

I just love that description there…


Joy said to them with her bright smile and the distinctive air of a Stepford Wife.

Good comparison.


“Chansey! Chansey! (God! I hate smiling this much!)”

XD


“Oh no! She is my second cousins sister in law’s Growlithe’s walker! I don’t know why everyone says we Nurse Joy look alike; we only share little resemblance! Hey, I think I know you! Isn’t your mother the Nurse Joy from Cianwood. She is my third cousin’s brother in law’s great aunt’s cousin’s husband’s niece, the little pony-tail wearing, different-name having, pessimistic traitor!” Nurse Joy responded in her same immensely cheerful tone.


“I didn’t say anything after niece, hon. Pinky-promise! Oh, and I wouldn’t say we’re all related. The Nurse Joy from Goldenrod City is so many nieces and fourth cousins distantly related from me, it’s hardly worth mentioning! Who does she think she is with that blue hair…

I love those little passive-aggressive mumbles; they’re just so *****y… XD


“Wait you turn! Errm, darling! Impatience will only get you wrinkles and punches to the face!” Nurse Joy continued, her lips looking as if they would snap apart from the very forceful way she was smiling and chuckling.

I like her. She’s evil. ^^


Tiffany S. Terracotta

YOU ARE DETERMINED TO SEAR “VICINITY OF OBSCENITY” INTO MY BRAIN! I swear, there’s a conspiracy to turn my brain into terracotta pie…(and it does not help my sanity that she happens to share the same first name as me, either…)


Thanks for this chapter and the lovely evening it provided me...

...that....kinda sounded impure somehow...

o_o

*dashes off in a hurry*

PikaPikaChu
13th February 2006, 12:38 PM
Yet, another good chapter Xp

Fav line:


the little pony-tail wearing, different-name having, pessimistic traitor

PDL
13th February 2006, 5:27 PM
well, they finally got of the darn boat... I am happy again :)

and I see Greg's still a jerkass as usual... I like him less and less each time I read it :). That's a good thing though, because that means I actually care about the character, rather then look over him.

Nurse Joy was... interesting... I happen to like Nurse Joys actually, but what's your take on Officer Jennies?

I also like Melissa, she's different from the main cast in that she isn't completely perfect.

excellent work, keep it up!

cyndaquil_dratini
14th February 2006, 5:22 AM
Hurrah, hurrah! This is the best chapter so far since the beginning, laughing out loud moments unt such...although I did get the impression sometimes that you didn't really know where you were going next. I do love Nurse Joy, she's really unique, a very strong character, very easy to imagine.
Many typos, which I do too, but which I hate. I'm not telling you them, go through n find them, I'll miss some n then they wont get fixed.


“Stop ogling at them Gre…Brian???” Julie snapped, half-way through hitting Greg before realizing it was Brian who was staring vividly at the scantly clad girls, his brown eyes completely empty…

I like this, really nice, subtle character development for Brian. He's actually a normal human being, sorry Julie, start living in the real world. Tres clever.


“Ok, listen up you stupid dentist-needing, ham-loving, shampoo-deprived old man!

First truly funny line of the chapter, I love the overdescription of obvious things, I can just imagine Greg saying this kind of thing, it's great. Dentist-needing, heehee.

I feel like its blasphemous to say so, but I'm getting kinda bored of the Slowpoke-Greg angry-at-each-other thing. Is it time for something new soon? I reckon these jokes are getting a little too old. But nobody else does....

I like your description of Slateblue City, very vivid. I think it took a little too long to get there; maybe, in this new version, you could read through things and look at the big picture and go "Is it truly necessary to have that bit in?" That'd make me happy.

I do like Melissa too, hmmm, something about that Melissa-Julie relationship which is subtley human which I really love. I like it when human characters have relationships which aren't so set in stone, maybe like the relationship between Greg and Julie which is quite a stereotyped relationship, and more subtle and suggestive, like Julie's relationship with Melissa- and Julie's relationship with Brian, which is coming along prettily.

Nurse Joy is brilliant, she needs way more lines, maybe a seperate fic all about her or something...maybe thats too far. I liked Chansey's line, almost Toy Story 2 tour guide Barbie-esque.

The story seems to be losing more and more structure as the chapters go on. Make sure that each chapter has an actual story behind it, that things are happening all the time, and that every little thing, even the jokes, happen for a reason. The pace is dragging a little bit at the moment, I reckon, but you can pick it up easily in the next few chapters.

Your wit is fantastic. I love your style of humour, its unlike anything I've come across before. I liek the relationship you build between your characters, like I said before, I love Nurse Joy and I like the idea for your story.

This is a much better chapter than the last three, keep on going like this, keep posting me, and I shall keep laughing unt loving this fic.

IceKing
14th February 2006, 10:28 PM
I had nice quoted responses typed out...then my computer restarted... Im too lazy to quote again

Saber- AAAHHH! I miseed your random reviews. Im glad you liked glare, I didnt like it at all actually XD I preferred the original hypnosis... And im also glad you like my charachters....i guess....my randomness translation only picked up bits and piecies... You must LOVE the Julie damn it! Shes my favorite human charachter

Sike Saner

AHhh! My pointerouter of funny thingser. And trust me, your recipe for disaster will appear very soon with new evil nurses! Also, you WILL indeed be hearing terracotta pie in your head because that banana...hehehe...anyways I also noticed all the stuff you werent sure of why it made you laugh is MY favorite type of humor! Nice reaction to the harden attack btw

PikaPIkacChu-That was my favorite line as well

PDL-Id appreciate if you told me what Officer Jenny anime was like XD I completely forgot. Except that early on some were a bit incompetent...Glad you like Nurse Joy and Melissa, though please tell me who you find perfect XDDD I honestly dont see how anyone from the main cast can be perfect, they all get blazing flaws. And dont hate Greg! Hes just misunderstood (and slightly based off of me)

Cyndaquil Dratini YES! FINALLY YOU LIKED A CHAPTER MORE THAN ONE XDDD I can see what you mean when you were confused where I was headed at times, because I was changing things a lot. Im very glad you liked Nurse Joy, I figured youd like her. Slowpoke-Greg anger is goign on a recession, don't worry, there will be more working together scenes, though anger will come back eventually...I loved the Melissa-Julie relationship too. I'm not going to delve too much into it, but rather gently hint at it int hte next 4-5 chapters. The Chansey line was liked in the last version as well...
Im also glad you like the relationships

Im not sure what your saying with the story structure though. I know the last three have been a bit flabby but soon after there will be definete plots behind each chapter.


There we go! XD

Air Dragon
15th February 2006, 9:12 AM
Read half yesterday, read the rest today… to the reviews…
All in all, a masterpiece of humour! Keep it up and thanks for the shout out!

Funny times:


the trio and their pokemon (Slowpoke having been separated five times)

does no one feel any love for the Slowpoke??!! XD


“How much you want to bet he’ll snuff it within a month?” Machop asked Sunkern snidely, as they took bets with a nearby Sentret and Caterpie.

“I’ll give him two!”

“Two?? Try two weeks!”

“I just know he’ll be gone soon, and I will be wearing that hat on my head!” Sunkern commented, eyeing Greg lustfully as he adjusted his orange and black starred hat sideways, in hopes of getting people to see how unbelievably cool he was.

“Did you see how that guy just left? What can I say? No one can fight against the ‘Greatest Pimp in All of Johto!’” Greg snidely commented, holding his head rather high. Rather than wasting precious energy rolling their eyes, Julie and Brian simply turned back to the sea.

That’s our Sunkern! Greg, for the 197,284,983,489,580,949th time, WHO the heck d’you think ya kiddin’?


Machop stayed faithfully at Julie’s side, as the two played thumb war (resulting in several yelps of pain from Julie);

That Julie can be such a regular light bulb at times…lol


“He needs to get a woman. Seriously,” Greg responded as he caressed his sore forearms.

Zounds! Could Greg actually be right for once???!! (cue the Apocalypse any second now…)


“Chansey! Chansey! (God! I hate smiling this much!)”

From the original, hunh? Just as funny now as it was then!


Whatever! Just get this fat lard away from me,” Greg mumbled as he pushed Slowpoke to the counter, leaving a startled Nurse Joy.

What a loving trainer… no, really, I can so see why Slowpoke likes the guy…@_@


[QUOTE]“I SAID GO TO SLEEP! THAT MEANS YOU TAKE YOUR LITTLE BONY BUTTS, CLIMB INTO BED, AND SHUT THE HELL UP! NOW!”

She's really scary...XD


Fun Facts:

Original Version: Is 30 pages at the end of chapter 4 (this versions chapter 3)
unBEARably Sexeh Version: Is 59 pages at the end of chapter 3

Original Version: Was crap and was rated (believe it or not) 5 stars
unBEARably Sexeh Version: Is crap and is rated 4 stars! The more sexeh it is the more crappy is is :-$

Can't argue with da facts, hunh? LOL...

Typos, Grammar, blah,blah,blah:


“Good night Shellder!” Melissa mumbled as she handed the pokeball that contained her Slowpoke to the nurse.

Wasn't Greg the one with a Slowpoke? XD

No spelling errors really... another A on ya card! Later!

blackemerald
16th February 2006, 8:02 PM
“Stop ogling at them Gre…Brian???”

Yay! Brian finally acts like a normal teenage boy!


Please not the giant, floating banana! Please not the giant, floating banana!

Ah, the banana. Always capibale of demanding intense laughter.


“I just know he’ll be gone soon, and I will be wearing that hat on my head!” Sunkern commented, eyeing Greg lustfully as he adjusted his orange and black starred hat sideways, in hopes of getting people to see how unbelievably cool he was.

Aww. Would anyone in WIQ care if Greg died thanks to 'natural causes'?


“Let me try an Attract attack!” Greg mumbled.

Please..spare me... spare me now.


“Chansey! Chansey! (God! I hate smiling this much!)”

XD


“Oh no! She is my second cousins sister in law’s Growlithe’s walker! I don’t know why everyone says we Nurse Joy look alike; we only share little resemblance! Hey, I think I know you! Isn’t your mother the Nurse Joy from Cianwood. She is my third cousin’s brother in law’s great aunt’s cousin’s husband’s niece, the little pony-tail wearing, different-name having, pessimistic traitor!” Nurse Joy responded in her same immensely cheerful tone.


“I didn’t say anything after niece, hon. Pinky-promise! Oh, and I wouldn’t say we’re all related. The Nurse Joy from Goldenrod City is so many nieces and fourth cousins distantly related from me, it’s hardly worth mentioning! Who does she think she is with that blue hair…


“Wait you turn! Errm, darling! Impatience will only get you wrinkles and punches to the face!” Nurse Joy continued, her lips looking as if they would snap apart from the very forceful way she was smiling and chuckling.


“I SAID GO TO SLEEP! THAT MEANS YOU TAKE YOUR LITTLE BONY BUTTS, CLIMB INTO BED, AND SHUT THE HELL UP! NOW!”

My new favourites charaters. I always have a place for anything that includes evil nurse Joys.

I couldn't find any spelling/grammer mistakes in this. Hilarious as usual, and by far the best one.

~B.E

Riaf
17th February 2006, 1:22 AM
God, I hate Jois...they so *****y. Greg is reaching a level of stupidity that I never even dreamed to be possible. While I love his character, there are times when he sometimes over excess. That's only problem I have with him.

Deoxys Trainer
18th February 2006, 4:59 AM
OMG?! Slowpoke dreams of burning babies?! Greg doing an Attract attack is the creepiest thing I read... Keep it up!

;386-a;

Hoenn Warrior
20th February 2006, 2:48 AM
Another awesome laugh out loud chapter. It's cool that Melissa is going to travel with the group for a bit, but will you make her one of the permanent main characters? I also liked the fact that Brian is now showing another side of himself besides his "nice guy side". From snapping at Greg to being disappointed that he isnt going to trave with the twins from the start like he had hoped for. I hope later on you introduce a love interest for Greg so he won't be such a perv and act more human, but will still flirt around and get knocked in the head for it. And hope to see a Brian/Julie relationship.

IceKing
20th February 2006, 9:14 PM
Shiny Mighteyena



Read half yesterday, read the rest today… to the reviews…
All in all, a masterpiece of humour! Keep it up and thanks for the shout out!


Good thinking reading in halves. I can barely read my own fic more than 5 pages without getting fidgety XD




Zounds! Could Greg actually be right for once???!! (cue the Apocalypse any second now…)

Greg ain't that stupid actually. He's a moron but not an idiot. I'm gonna start showing that actually.... And *cough cough* at the second statement


She's really scary...XD

I've always pheared nurses. My mom is one


Wasn't Greg the one with a Slowpoke? XD

No spelling errors really... another A on ya card! Later!

I shall fix that! And it appears I am improving!

Blackemerald


Yay! Brian finally acts like a normal teenage boy!

Hehe. I like using subtle development


Ah, the banana. Always capibale of demanding intense laughter.

*doesnt say anything and whistles*


Aww. Would anyone in WIQ care if Greg died thanks to 'natural causes'?

Grass=natural :P



My new favourites charaters. I always have a place for anything that includes evil nurse Joys.

I couldn't find any spelling/grammer mistakes in this. Hilarious as usual, and by far the best one.


I LOVED the evil Nurse Joy as well! Im very happy not as many mistakes are being made, and I'm even happier you think this was the best one because it was the hardest to write XD

Riaf


God, I hate Jois...they so *****y. Greg is reaching a level of stupidity that I never even dreamed to be possible. While I love his character, there are times when he sometimes over excess. That's only problem I have with him.

I love joys because their so *****y ^^ Greg won't be AS stupid later on, I purposely went a little excess... We're going to be seeing that development you promised for!

Doexys Trainer


OMG?! Slowpoke dreams of burning babies?! Greg doing an Attract attack is the creepiest thing I read... Keep it up!

Greg doing an Attract attack is the creepiest thing I wrote as well o_0 Though The F****** Up Finals will have MUCH more creepy thigns

Hoeen Warrior


Another awesome laugh out loud chapter. It's cool that Melissa is going to travel with the group for a bit, but will you make her one of the permanent main characters? I also liked the fact that Brian is now showing another side of himself besides his "nice guy side". From snapping at Greg to being disappointed that he isnt going to trave with the twins from the start like he had hoped for. I hope later on you introduce a love interest for Greg so he won't be such a perv and act more human, but will still flirt around and get knocked in the head for it. And hope to see a Brian/Julie relationship.


Nope, Melissa isn't going to be a main charachter. She'll be around for hte next 4-5 chapters however. And then will reappear twice. Similar to Natalie and Nathan and the charachters in the next chapter... glad you liked Brian as well...developing him is the hardest part of this fic because unlike Greg and Julie, he isn't based off of a real person. As for GregxLove Interest...no comment. As for BrianxJulie....let's just say remember I have a habit of poking fun at motifs of the OT genre...



Thanks for your reviews guys! Next chapter might be up this weekend, I have too much homework to work this week

EDIT: HIT 2500 VIEWS! WHOOO! Oonly 47500 more to beat Breezy! Tell all your little friends about this fic XD

indigestible_wad
23rd February 2006, 1:50 AM
I am sorry about not getting to this sooner, but I have been incredibly busy. Tonight is slightly less busy so I'm trying to get a bit of the reviewing I need to get done done. Because of that this will be a relatively short review of the chapter.

Again, a pretty long chapter. Comedies are somewhat more difficult to review as time goes on because soon all you do is just quote things and say that they're funny. After a while that does get redundant. But comedies do have interesting character analysises (say that five times fast) as well as looking at other things both cliche and non-cliche. You can take a used to death character and make a pseudo backstory or character change with them. Like nurse Joy. Or you can take one of your characters and just twist them around with other things. But that's the easy part for you.

I'm still wondering what that cube in the sailor's hand is. It might just be a joke but I have a sinking suspicion about it.


An invisible light bulb had popped up in his head telling him that he had an opportunity of a life time within his reach.lifetime: Two nouns placed together=no no.

but they could still see the tops white buildings and some fancy decorations,of?

Brian Powell
24th February 2006, 10:55 AM



Just... flippin’... hilarious!

I’ll just let the quotes do the rest of the reviewing for me. Too many moments for me to describe, plus I can’t help but show my favourites, plus I can't stop laughing as I type this.


“How much you want to bet he’ll snuff it within a month?” Machop asked Sunkern snidely, as they took bets with a nearby Sentret and Caterpie.

“I’ll give him two!”

“Two?? Try two weeks!”

“I just know he’ll be gone soon, and I will be wearing that hat on my head!” Sunkern commented, eyeing Greg lustfully as he adjusted his orange and black starred hat sideways, in hopes of getting people to see how unbelievably cool he was.
Got me laughing there, those pokemon have no faith in Greg whatsoever.


“Did you see how that guy just left? What can I say? No one can fight against the ‘Greatest Pimp in All of Johto!’” Greg snidely commented, holding his head rather high. Rather than wasting precious energy rolling their eyes, Julie and Brian simply turned back to the sea.
This guy is worse than Brock, I’m telling you that right now! XD


“OH MY BUDDHA! W IS SPELLED DOUBLE U BECAUSE IT HAS TWO U’S!” Greg shouted rather loudly, causing many people to turn to look at him.
Another Slowpoke issue with Greg. Lol. I like those moments.


Good ol’ sleep…makes both pokemon and females easy to capture…”
What is it with Greg and females? XD


The pokeball stopped in mid-air right above the bear pokemon, and the two light blue halves lifted apart by some binding, mystical force, shooting out a red beam at Slowpoke, who simply swatted it away with his tail, still asleep.

“What the ****! You little ********!” Greg screamed.
Equivalent of attempting to capture a Rayquaza or any other legendary.


“Here’s something! I have to weaken the pokemon, and it would help a lot if I put it to sleep or paralyzed it. He’s already asleep, so why don’t I paralyze him! So, GREG USE GLARE!” Greg commanded to himself.
WHEE! It’s Greg Vs Slowpoke 2! *Brings in popcorn, fizzy drink and a tombstone (Just in case I laugh myself to death)*


He was half-hoping that by “eyes” Greg meant “hot dog”; his stomach rumbled rather painfully.
I can guess what’s coming… *reads on* Phew… close.


“Let me try an Attract attack!” Greg mumbled.
O_O; Tell me I won’t be reading the more descriptive part… wait, I did. *Shivers*


“Yes Ma’am,” Greg responded mawkishly, glaring at Melanie. Melanie slapped the living daylights out of Greg and walked away, leaving his cheeks red and his manhood shrunken.
LOL. Serves you right, you *says a bunch of insults*.


“So we’re going to the PokeCenter, right?” Brian asked for the umpteenth time,
Makes me think of a particular part in life where you would have a bunch of kids sitting at the back of a car asking the same question, “Are we there yet?”


“I swear Brian, I am going to gently poke you till your horrible death!”
*Bursts out laughing* Try to say something more intimidating, Sunkern!


Greg pleaded as he tried to twist and turn his way out of the crazy sailor’s Pincer-like grip. Julie looked at him with puppy eyes; she could have easily kicked the sailor’s *** if she wanted to, but Greg deserved his humiliation for being such an ***.


Brian scolded resulting in a childish, pleading look from Greg.
I like it when the characters go all puppy-eyed. *Snorts*


“GREG! You sicko, it’s a freaking pokemon!” Melissa snapped, slapping Greg in the back of head after seeing him look at the painting of the Jynx with a rather curious expression on his face.
XP


“Chansey! Chansey! (God! I hate smiling this much!)”


“Oh no! She is my second cousins sister in law’s Growlithe’s walker! I don’t know why everyone says we Nurse Joy look alike; we only share little resemblance! Hey, I think I know you! Isn’t your mother the Nurse Joy from Cianwood. She is my third cousin’s brother in law’s great aunt’s cousin’s husband’s niece, the little pony-tail wearing, different-name having, pessimistic traitor!” Nurse Joy responded in her same immensely cheerful tone.


“I didn’t say anything after niece, hon. Pinky-promise! Oh, and I wouldn’t say we’re all related. The Nurse Joy from Goldenrod City is so many nieces and fourth cousins distantly related from me, it’s hardly worth mentioning! [/i]Who does she think she is with that blue hair…[/i]


“Wait you turn! Errm, darling! Impatience will only get you wrinkles and punches to the face!” Nurse Joy continued, her lips looking as if they would snap apart from the very forceful way she was smiling and chuckling.


“Little girl, with the economy the way it is, you should be glad you’re wearing those pants right now! Ah ha ha ha! Anyways, here’s your room key. You’re in Room 9! Now have a good nights sleep, or else!”


“Please go to sleep, children! I’m trying to watch my stories—err take care of the pokemon, and I can’t do it with all this noise!” the nurse responded from the other side of the door in her dangerously sweet voice.

Groaning exasperatedly, reminded of having bedtimes back home, the children returned to their bunks, Greg and Brian in one and Melissa and Julie in the other. As Greg climbed to the top of his bunk, he started muttering to himself, not too fond of being ordered around by a woman.

“Stupid pink-haired, bit—”

“I can hear you, Sweety!” Julie cried, mocking the nurse’s high voice. Everyone immediately bursted into a tiny fit of giggles.

“I SAID GO TO SLEEP! THAT MEANS YOU TAKE YOUR LITTLE BONY BUTTS, CLIMB INTO BED, AND SHUT THE HELL UP! NOW!”
*Does simple tone* I like that girl. ^^

Last but not least... noogies!

BTW, found spelling mistakes underlined…

It’s ‘has’ not ‘is’. And ‘bursted’ is actually ‘burst’.

Along with the earlier error, I spotted a couple more:

“What on Earth is that jerks problem?” the tall girl named Melissa asked when he finally was out of view.
Jerk’s


“Good night Shellder!” Melissa mumbled as she handed the pokeball that contained her Slowpoke to the nurse.
Don’t you mean Shellder?

Overall score: 5/5

IceKing
6th March 2006, 2:49 AM
IW




I am sorry about not getting to this sooner, but I have been incredibly busy. Tonight is slightly less busy so I'm trying to get a bit of the reviewing I need to get done done. Because of that this will be a relatively short review of the chapter.

It's ok for this time. But make a habit out of it, and I will have to be forced to take action.




(I'm kidding)


Again, a pretty long chapter. Comedies are somewhat more difficult to review as time goes on because soon all you do is just quote things and say that they're funny. After a while that does get redundant. But comedies do have interesting character analysises (say that five times fast) as well as looking at other things both cliche and non-cliche. You can take a used to death character and make a pseudo backstory or character change with them. Like nurse Joy. Or you can take one of your characters and just twist them around with other things. But that's the easy part for you.

I can see what you mean, try and ignore the comedy and instead go focus on the other crap... What's your last line mean though?



I'm still wondering what that cube in the sailor's hand is. It might just be a joke but I have a sinking suspicion about it.


Eh, no joke. Mwah hah hah hah hah hah hahah


Thanks for reviewing Indigestible Wad!

Brian Powell




Just... flippin’... hilarious!

I’ll just let the quotes do the rest of the reviewing for me. Too many moments for me to describe, plus I can’t help but show my favourites, plus I can't stop laughing as I type this.

Always a good sign ^^


Got me laughing there, those pokemon have no faith in Greg whatsoever.


I love writing the pokemon views of life, and there WILL be one pokemon who likes Greg later on. And another one *bursts out laughing* Oooh I can't wait till he/she captures him!


This guy is worse than Brock, I’m telling you that right now! XD


I never thought of Greg being similar to Brock before...Also theres Julie and Misty with the passive aggresiveness


WHEE! It’s Greg Vs Slowpoke 2! *Brings in popcorn, fizzy drink and a tombstone (Just in case I laugh myself to death)*

I debated HEAVILY on whether keeping it or not.


It’s ‘has’ not ‘is’. And ‘bursted’ is actually ‘burst’.


THANK YOU so much for pointing out the second part

Glad I made you laugh B_P, thanks for your review!


Chapter Progress: I've been extremely busy and have no inspiration so it might be another two weeks or so. 0_0! Man, time FLIES when writing fanfiction. I was supposed to get back to where I ended the original by the end of January. Ill try and get it out by Saturday

indigestible_wad
7th March 2006, 2:42 AM
THe last line doesn't really mean anything, I'm just commenting that making cliche things work is a comedy writer's specialty.

jirachiman876
11th March 2006, 2:04 AM
Hey Stones, I just decided that since I have access to a computer that I'd hit serebii with my reactivated account and reeview some stuff.
Though I have read all this before, last time you posted and e-mails, I still find it hilarious a third time. Great stuff man great stuff. Keep it coming I know you had a breakthrough wednesday by reading breezeh's fic.
jirachiman out ;385;

Advancedblazeashmaymistyp
15th March 2006, 10:23 PM
UnBeArAbLy Se- *gets slaped inside out the head for almost saying that word* i mean AwSoMe! this is my first time reviewing so rock on! *sweatdrops* well this is probably one of the funniest fics i've read i mean seriously lol dan& man everyone seems to have a bad side when angry although i haven't really seen Brians super ultra mega anger explosion like natalie and julie. so um yeah the part where Greg attacked his slowpoke was the best i laughed so hard at that part. well theres my review i thnk so um yeah........ dan% i suck monkey baL@s at reviewing F%$#

Advancedblazeashmaymistyp
20th March 2006, 8:50 PM
um.....i'm 15 not 11



Edit: its okay Dark Warior ^_^ hmmm...... maybe i should just make my nickname to advanced to ease ppls pain int the hands when they type my name

Praxiteles
21st March 2006, 3:18 PM
Well, you've done it.

You've coaxed a year's worth of XD's fom me. So, in *chuckle* your *giggle* honor, I - haha - wi - he - ll present to - HAHAHA - that year's - hehe - worth - oh, let me get to it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAhXDXDXDXDXXDXXDXDXXDHHA H -

Ahem.

Moving on.

This is a hilarious fic! Greg is TEH R0X0RS, along with Slowpoke, of course; the colossal LACK OF FAITH shown by the Pokemon in their trainers never ceases to amuse me; and that evil nurse is the greatest object ever created on the face of the earth. The Greg vs. Slowpoke fights will never get old, so I say use them even more, and that Jigglypuff never fails to do major pwnage. See, that's how much your work has made me high. I've lost all dignity.

On a more sobre note, I also compliment your writing, overall. You description is great; I can see everything, -mon, and -place distinctly. You've taken time to develop your characters (even though comedy usually requires you to do so), both human and Pokemon. I'm too merry to say anything more.

Now, it's time for the best highlights from each chapter:

Chapter 1:


Brian had stopped listening to the mindless droning of his sub conscious and instead focused on a strange shape in the sky. The skies were turning gray and thunder clapped violently as a large bright yellow object hurtled through the air and stopped at the massive silver rim of the stadium. With a bright flash of lightning, the great yellow object revealed itself as a giant floating banana.

“Oh no! The giant floating banana… that means that this whole thing is really just a dream…”

“NO! DON’T WAKE UP! I HAVE YET TO SHOW YOU THE TRUTH!”

Simply awesome, especially the last part.

Chapter 2:


“You…. stupid…. pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!” Greg declared as he sprinted toward the livid bear, ready to fight his own pokemon.

Pure titanium.

Chapter 2.5:


“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW COULD YOU LOSE AGAINST GHETTO SURFER CONFUSED STEREOTYPE DUDE OVER THERE! YOU MUST BE HORRIBLE!” Greg roared while Brian just rolled his eyes. Putting his hands in his hair in rage to find his best friend defeated by his big pimpin’ rival, the blonde boy walked in circles while everyone waited for him to do something stupid. He stopped in front of a flustered Nathan, beet red with fury. “You and me, RIGHT NOW! Brian only lost because he’s a little sissy stapistics ana….OWW!”

No idea why I like that part; I just do.

Chapter 3:


On the walls were numerous paintings of different pokemon, including a very seductive water painting of a Jynx on a beach…

“GREG! You sicko, it’s a freaking pokemon!” Melissa snapped, slapping Greg in the back of head after seeing him look at the painting of the Jynx with a rather curious expression on his face.

Nice. I have no idea why I like perverted things like this, but they rock. Strangely enough, the second thing that comes to my mind here is, "Impostor! He disgraced our male brotherhood!" I'm weird like that.

Saffire Persian
28th March 2006, 2:50 AM
After deciding it's just horrible not to review after this long, I'm skipping the commentary or else I'll never get it done - I have a feeling a nice, perfect commentary length chapter is coming up, though. ^_~

First off, I quite enjoyed this. And Greg still has his..erm.. charm. XD Attract! Greg!


Good ol’ sleep…makes both pokemon and females easy to capture…”

XD... Yanno, my mind thought up a couple of scenarios for *that* comment. *thwaps Greg*

However, as much fun as Greg was in this chapter (I loved the section about 'brotherly instinct'. If Greg had done what instinct told him, i wouldn've been highly, highly amused, because such things amuse me. XD

However, the thing that takes the cake has to be Nurse Joy - best character ever! XD... There should be more like her - I was just waiting for the Chansey to follow suite.... XD I could see them Egg Bombing whoever came into their way.. xD..


“ey, I think I know you! Isn’t your mother the Nurse Joy from Cianwood. She is my third cousin’s brother in law’s great aunt’s cousin’s husband’s niece, the little pony-tail wearing, different-name having, pessimistic traitor!” Nurse Joy responded in her same immensely cheerful tone.

XD Nurse joy ranting is fun.. XD. Stupid different name having traitor!


“ Nurse Joy from Goldenrod City is so many nieces and fourth cousins distantly related from me, it’s hardly worth mentioning! Who does she think she is with that blue hair…

An Officer Jenny? XDXDXD

Are we going to see more of this Angry!Joy? 'cause I want to see some more of her.. XD I loved it.

One nitpicky thing I have to add - and will continue adding until it becomes drilled in your brain!


“I swear, Brian, I am going to gently poke you till your horrible death!”

COMMA, COMMA, COMMA! Before direct addresses! XD Please.. I beg you!

*cough* Anyway, awesome job!

IceKing
29th March 2006, 1:04 AM
Lewwy:

Hey Stones, I just decided that since I have access to a computer that I'd hit serebii with my reactivated account and reeview some stuff.
Though I have read all this before, last time you posted and e-mails, I still find it hilarious a third time. Great stuff man great stuff. Keep it coming I know you had a breakthrough wednesday by reading breezeh's fic.
jirachiman out

I need to read the second half because now the breakthrough is gone and the four pages I finished blew up XD Thanks for the review Lewwy, hope you get your internet soon

Person With Really Long Name:


UnBeArAbLy Se- *gets slaped inside out the head for almost saying that word* i mean AwSoMe! this is my first time reviewing so rock on! *sweatdrops* well this is probably one of the funniest fics i've read i mean seriously lol dan& man everyone seems to have a bad side when angry although i haven't really seen Brians super ultra mega anger explosion like natalie and julie. so um yeah the part where Greg attacked his slowpoke was the best i laughed so hard at that part. well theres my review i thnk so um yeah........ dan% i suck monkey baL@s at reviewing F%$#

I'm honored that this was the first fic you reviewed ^^ Brian did have a little miny explosion in Chapter 4, that was his way of getting angry, calm yet nasty. And you can say the word sexy XD

Amethyst Dark Warrior:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First Advanced, you're not gonna be punished by saying the word "sexy". If I recall correctly, you said you're 11. Or was that Tempest? I'm your age and I've said it at least once.

Moving on.

IceKing, I love this, as you can see by the poll results. (Hopefully, I voted right) The Greg and Slowpoke fights are probably the best comedy I've seen in this. Now, I would give you a good review, like I never got off my lazy butt to for a good long time, but I have to run. Toodle-noodles, dudes.

XD, thanks for your review Dark Warrior! I saw your vote and was happy since I know you read a lot of comedy fics. I've only liked one line in the Greg VS SLowpoke "Greg, use Harden!" but everyone else seems to love it a lot so Im happy XD It wont happen again for a bit since it will get old soon. Toodle my froodle!


.:Pyroken Serafoculus:.


Well, you've done it.

You've coaxed a year's worth of XD's fom me. So, in *chuckle* your *giggle* honor, I - haha - wi - he - ll present to - HAHAHA - that year's - hehe - worth - oh, let me get to it.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAhXDXDXDXDXXDXXDXDXXDHHA H -

Ahem.

Moving on.

A years worth with four chapters. Not too shabby XD Uhhh, what did your old name used to be? I've been struggling to think it forever



This is a hilarious fic! Greg is TEH R0X0RS, along with Slowpoke, of course; the colossal LACK OF FAITH shown by the Pokemon in their trainers never ceases to amuse me; and that evil nurse is the greatest object ever created on the face of the earth. The Greg vs. Slowpoke fights will never get old, so I say use them even more, and that Jigglypuff never fails to do major pwnage. See, that's how much your work has made me high. I've lost all dignity.

On a more sobre note, I also compliment your writing, overall. You description is great; I can see everything, -mon, and -place distinctly. You've taken time to develop your characters (even though comedy usually requires you to do so), both human and Pokemon. I'm too merry to say anything more.


Why does everyone love Greg & Slowpoke best when my favorite charachters are actually Julie & Sunkern XD? Ah well, I still love em bunches and bunches. I'm glad you love the fights as well, but I'm afriad I feel they get too old after a while so I'm puttting them on a standstill.

I'm very happy that you like my writing & description, not many people mention that in their reviews as much as they mention the comedy. I still feel I have ways to go, but I can safely say I improved in that department



Chapter 1:


Quote:
Brian had stopped listening to the mindless droning of his sub conscious and instead focused on a strange shape in the sky. The skies were turning gray and thunder clapped violently as a large bright yellow object hurtled through the air and stopped at the massive silver rim of the stadium. With a bright flash of lightning, the great yellow object revealed itself as a giant floating banana.

“Oh no! The giant floating banana… that means that this whole thing is really just a dream…”

“NO! DON’T WAKE UP! I HAVE YET TO SHOW YOU THE TRUTH!”


Simply awesome, especially the last part.

Chapter 2:


Quote:
“You…. stupid…. pokemon; you… ruined my hair! NO BODY TOUCHES MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! I’ll show you how a true Pokemon battles! I CHOOSE YOU, GREG!” Greg declared as he sprinted toward the livid bear, ready to fight his own pokemon.


Pure titanium.

Chapter 2.5:


Quote:
“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! HOW COULD YOU LOSE AGAINST GHETTO SURFER CONFUSED STEREOTYPE DUDE OVER THERE! YOU MUST BE HORRIBLE!” Greg roared while Brian just rolled his eyes. Putting his hands in his hair in rage to find his best friend defeated by his big pimpin’ rival, the blonde boy walked in circles while everyone waited for him to do something stupid. He stopped in front of a flustered Nathan, beet red with fury. “You and me, RIGHT NOW! Brian only lost because he’s a little sissy stapistics ana….OWW!”


No idea why I like that part; I just do.

Chapter 3:


Quote:
On the walls were numerous paintings of different pokemon, including a very seductive water painting of a Jynx on a beach…

“GREG! You sicko, it’s a freaking pokemon!” Melissa snapped, slapping Greg in the back of head after seeing him look at the painting of the Jynx with a rather curious expression on his face.


Nice. I have no idea why I like perverted things like this, but they rock. Strangely enough, the second thing that comes to my mind here is, "Impostor! He disgraced our male brotherhood!" I'm weird like that.



Wow, none of those were my highlights XD In fact, all of that was written as tiny details XD I guess thats what most people like, because people tend not to like some of my more unobvious intended stuff. My personal highlights were: Old Spice Deodorant, Tangela VS Machop trashtalk, Sunkern's cliched comeback strike that failed miserably, and Nurse Joy.

Thanks for the review! YOUR NAME IS DRAGONFIRE2! Saffire just told me ^^

Saffire Persian


After deciding it's just horrible not to review after this long, I'm skipping the commentary or else I'll never get it done - I have a feeling a nice, perfect commentary length chapter is coming up, though. ^_~

First off, I quite enjoyed this. And Greg still has his..erm.. charm. XD Attract! Greg!


Don't worry, you dont have to do a commentary ALL chapters. I know that would make me go crazy XD Don't worry about being too late, I havent touched the next chapter in weeks


If Greg had done what instinct told him, i wouldn've been highly, highly amused, because such things amuse me. XD


...?



XD... Yanno, my mind thought up a couple of scenarios for *that* comment. *thwaps Greg*

However, as much fun as Greg was in this chapter (I loved the section about 'brotherly instinct'. If Greg had done what instinct told him, i wouldn've been highly, highly amused, because such things amuse me. XD

However, the thing that takes the cake has to be Nurse Joy - best character ever! XD... There should be more like her - I was just waiting for the Chansey to follow suite.... XD I could see them Egg Bombing whoever came into their way.. xD..

I intensely debated putting that first line and then showed it to Sike and Burnt Flower who are both females and approved it XD I'm looking back for the brotherly instinct line cuz I dont remember it XD (*has read it, well you never know when Brian and Greg might get in a fist fight) I positively adored Nurse Joy, she makes a brief appearance next chapter and though she herself wont reappear, she may have a fourth cousins sugar daddy's adopted daughter with a quite similar personality. And Ties that Bind's Chansey is undefeatable ^^


COMMA, COMMA, COMMA! Before direct addresses! XD Please.. I beg you!

*cough* Anyway, awesome job!

AHHH! Thanks for telling me again! Keep drilling that into me until I remember! Kinda like how Burnt Flower drilled commas in dialogue into me :3



Thanks for the reviews ya'll! I'm intensly debating over what to do in the next chapter, part of the reason why its so delayed. I know that the next chapter will be one of my faves and has one of my all tiem FAVORITE pokemon, but its still hard to write it. Also, I've been quite busy and swamped with schoolwork and laziness. Plus, when I wrote a good 6 pages, the word document containing it exploded and is no more. I had to start a completely new chapter and copy and paste all my old chapters from here. It will most definetely be up by next week since next week is Spring Break and im not going anywhere. I am dissapointed in my self, I really didnt want to go back to updating eveyr other month and I wanted to return to chapter 10 by February. I set a new goal to get to the first gym by Summer so wish me luck and thanks so much for the reviews!

IceKing
3rd April 2006, 11:41 PM
Alright, here's the next chapter for Whirl Island Quest! Its a transition chapter, so don't expect too much <_< I had to split what was supposed to be one into two, I can hardly await for the next part ^^ It will be a blast to write! You know the drill, please review, blah blah blah. Yeah... Also, if anyone wants to see how I fare in horror, you might want to check out A Scarlet Christmas (link in my sig).


And free Elhossa shrunken heads to whoever catches a reference to a mini-fad in America that is returning.....


Chapter Four-The Borefest Begins!

Brian’s eyes opened with a snap, in cue with a loud thunderous crash. He was no longer in the two bunk room of the PokeCenter; instead, he was in a strange cartoon-like world. He was floating aimlessly through a yellow-dotted black void that shook violently with periodic thunderous crashes. The carrot-top attempted to move his lips repeatedly, but they were glued together by some seemingly celestial force. Minutes passed by as he continued to drift farther through the strange void, at the mercy of gravity’s absence, prisoner to his mind.

Finally, the lower half of the void began to twist and contort as it changed form. It was no longer an expanse of dreary space, but rather a raging grey ocean. The waves rose high and tried to devour an invisible prey dangling helplessly above it. Brian’s heart wanted to hammer against his chest, but his entire body was paralyzed; his own eyes refused to blink. And so he watched as the grey waters continued to rage and the void continued to roar while rather copious amounts of a strange purple substance rose to the surface. He did not know whether this was some sort of a sick, demented dream or just a flat-out nightmare.

Finally, when it appeared he would be trapped in this bizarre, nightmarish world for all eternity, the yellow spots that dotted the black void started to quiver and shake. As if being pulled by a black hole, they ripped themselves from their places and began to speed toward a spot in the middle of the dream realm. Brian could only watch in horror as the tiny golden spheres flew through him and saturated the void until a shape began to take form in front of him. It was curved, long, and majestic. Towering nearly ten feet high was none other than the giant, yellow banana.

The raging sea became stagnant; the void stopped shaking; and the realm and Brian’s heart swelled with a sort of blissful peace that would remain as long as the banana remained in front of him, glowing brightly as a beacon in this dark realm. Feeling began to return to Brian’s lips and muscles, and he could finally move freely once more. Regaining his self after being numb for so long, Brian looked up at the banana with a dumbfounded look on his freckled face.

“Wait a second…WHY IS THERE A FREAKING BANANA IN MY—“

“—ROOM!” Brian hollered. He opened his eyes and immediately was smothered in a wave of drowsiness. He was out of the bizarre world and back in the PokeCenter room where a pajama clad Julie and Melissa stared at him in confusion.

“Well, you win the award for most random statement of the day! Go get ready, Brian,” Julie chuckled before she and Melissa turned to face a spread-eagled Greg on the floor, trying to not make eye-contact since he was wearing nothing but rather tight underwear.

“Wake up Greg! We have to leave in an hour if we want to get to the next city in time, so you can make it to sign up for your little Whirl Cup!” Melissa pleaded as she attempted to pull one of his placid arms, but he remained adamant on the floor. Greg was not a morning person.

“Ehhh…I don’t care…I’ll find another way to get that Misty…I’ll catch up with ya guys in a…uhh…”

Snickering to himself, Brian leapt out his bunk and rubbed his eyes vigorously, ready to set out on the road. He dragged his weak legs toward his pack to take some new clothes, having completely forgotten about the strange banana that haunted his dreams. Greg continued to be lethargic and remained on the floor to the girls’ avail. Not long after, the insane, botox-injected Nurse Joy entered their room with her unnatural grin glued on her face.

“Is there a problem? You children need to get up and ready-Freddy for the day ahead! So get yourselves up and come down for some scrump-diddly-umptious breakfast!” Nurse Joy squealed with a perky expression. Greg responded by groaning and snuggling closer to the floor. From the flush that came to her face, Brian assumed that Nurse Joy did not like being ignored too well. “Sweety, when I say get up, I MEAN GET…UP! BETSY, GO!”

Looking more somber than before, the evil nurse grabbed a pokeball from her pocket and tossed it at Greg’s bare back. The blonde idiot chose to simply grunt in annoyance while the two halves of the pokeball split apart, releasing one of the most terrifying pokemon Brian had seen in his life. It was a huge and intimidating bipedal violet canine pokemon, but this pokemon was no regular puppy; its lower jaw made up over half its head, and its eyes were narrowed in pure anger down at the boy who fake-slept blissfully. The other three children immediately stepped back several feet, frightened by this horrifying beast.

“Grrraaaannnbuuul!”

A thick stream of slimy drool dripped from the side of its huge mouth and fell right onto Greg’s shoulder. Immediately, Greg opened his eyes to wipe off the icky saliva from his skin and instead found the growling pug-face of the Granbull glaring down at him, licking her lips rather lustfully. For a moment Greg simply continued to lie on the floor, whimpering as he looked at the big bad wolf. Finally, after a few moments of silence, the Granbull named Betsy gave a tiny, “Ruff!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Greg immediately took off in a sprint out of the room, right into the lobby of the PokeCenter, wearing nothing but his skimpy tighty-whities. A satisfied Nurse Joy recalled her pokemon and left a shocked Brian, Julie, and Melissa behind.

“Great, it’s only been five minutes into the day, and I already want to kill myself!” Julie sighed as the crescendo of laughter from the lobby struck their room.


;210;

Not long afterwards, the adolescents had finished getting dressed and started on eating a “scrump-diddly-umptious” breakfast in the lobby. The nurse was finishing their pokemons’ physicals, and once they were fed and ready to go, the foursome would be ready to legally start their journey and head to register Melissa and Greg for the Whirl Cup. After finishing their eggs and bacon (just eggs for Julie), Greg had pulled out a large map of the Whirl Islands and spread it across the table where they studied it meticulously.

“So guys, what’s the game plan?” Greg asked taking the last swigs of his coffee.

There were four distinct islands of the Whirl Islands: Blue Point Isle, Yellow Rock Isle, Red Rock Isle, and Silver Rock Isle. Blue Point Isle was the closest island to Cianwood and the one they currently resided in. Yellow Rock Isle was the second island and the least important; there were simply two gyms in it and nothing more. The third island was Red Rock Isle, the largest and most important. It was home to Scarlet City, the home to the legendary Whirl Cup and many other famous cities. The last island, Silver Rock Isle, was the most mystical and the legendary home to Lugia, who had not been sighted in fifteen years ever since Team Rocket attempted to capture her.

Apart from a few other miniscule isles, that was it. They were looking at their future journey. Each main island was home to two gyms and several other attractions. For Brian, the final tournament would take place in Silver Rock Isle in Meltokio in the legendary stadium dedicated to Lugia, guardian of the raging seas. Four islands, three adolescents, two feet in a human body, and one year…

“And I guess it’s going to end in Scarlet City when we return again for the Festival of Summer Solstice! I’m not sure what you and your cousin are going to do Melissa, since you two are doing the Whirl Cup, but either way, I suppose you’re going the same essential route,” Julie finished as she stopped tracing her finger around the different cities of the map and looked up back at the other three.

“So that’s it. That’s going to be our journey. I have a question though, as much as we love Slowpoke and all, what are we going to do with the fact that he refuses to go in a PokeBall and the fact that he will probably slow us down?” Brian asked curiously.

“YES! What Brian said is true. I guess I’m just going to have to leave Slowpoke behind…” Greg spat out, eager to finally find a good excuse to rid of his little chubby companion.

“Say Julie, can’t Machop just carry Slowpoke like a breeze? He does bench five hundred pounds after all!” Melissa said to Julie smirking wickedly.

“Exactly. So Slowpoke stays since my Machop remains a powerhouse!” Julie replied vindictively, leaving Greg with the face of a Pidgeot that lost his big, juicy Wurmple.

“You’re pokemon are ready and fighting fit to go! Except for Slowpoke, who is suffering three brain tumors… Now please take them and kindly leave!” Nurse Joy exclaimed as she brought a tray holding Sunkern and a pokeball containing Melissa’s Shellder. Machop and Slowpoke had walked by her side, one eager to see his trainer and the other eager to have received a free morphine injection.

“Only three brain tumors? Ooh Slowpoke I’m so proud of you! You’re getting extra Remoraid N’ Bits…” Greg lauded in a baby voice rubbing Slowpokes pink ears.

“Que?”

“Hey Sunkern! It’s okay, the crazy lady is gone now,” Brian whispered as the Nurse Joy returned to her counter, attempting to conceal the cigarette she was smoking, “Get ready Bud! We’re leaving today after we go to hear the speaker! Last year it was my Uncle Bruno, but he’s too busy in Hoenn trying to sort out those matters with Dad. We may have lost to Nathan, but we’re gonna so whoop everyone else’s butt!”

“Sunkern!” The seed pokemon piped up, having stopped listening at Hoenn.

“Machop dear, get ready because you’re going to be carrying that Slowpoke the majority of this trip! You’re such a little sweety! I just wuv you!” Julie squealed as she hugged her fighting pokemon as hard as he could, who looked embarrassed at Sunkern.

“Great, I get to carry about fatso there…”

“He’s just big-boned…”

“Hey Shellder! I’m gonna keep you out until we go into the Ameamkad Forest. Don’t worry, once we get into Masoit City it will a lot better since there’s a lot more sea air and water!” Melissa whispered to her pokemon as she released him from his pokeball. Unlike the other pokemon, Shellder simply nodded his great big shell and continued to stare around the room rather bored.

“So off we go?” Brian asked positioning his Sunkern on his shoulder and his pack on his back.

“Yep, the speaker’s going to be in the Slateblue Concert Hall a few blocks up. I can’t wait to see who it is; it’s usually an Elite Four member, though three years ago it was J.D. Hutchenson, three time winner of the Silver Conference…” Melissa responded as she too arose, holding Shellder in her arms.

“Too bad it ain’t Bruno…that guys the epitome of testosterone? Did you know that Bruno Arganaut lost his virginity before his father? And that there is no such thing as evolution, just pokemon he chooses to live and chooses to die? Furthermore, he frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just not his own…” Greg started rambling.

“SHUT UP!!!” every single man and pokemon in the PokeCenter cried out, sick of hearing the jokes about some stupid muscle man on a daily basis.


;191;

A nice fifteen minute amble through the sunny, breezy streets of Slateblue City later, the adolescents had reached the Slateblue Concert Hall. The building was clearly one of the biggest attractions in Slateblue City; the hit band “Six Centimeter Screws” had played their last week judging from the scattered fliers and signs they had seen on the walk. It lumbered over a hundred feet tall; they had seen the great dome ceiling from all the way back in the ferry ride. After walking through the beautiful courtyard complete with marble fountains and lush green lawns, the glass doors came into view, opening the way of the beautiful building to them. It was clear that millions were spent into this hall, and the money was put the good use as they walked by the perfect tile floors, different fancy rooms, and beautiful artwork until they finally reached the main auditorium. Inside the auditorium, situated in the very center, the crystal clear ceiling hung suspended several hundred feet above, and a sea of plush leather seats threatened to drown them all. In the shining polished wood stage ahead, several men in fancy suits were swarming around, talking to each other, preparing for the speech, fiddling with the sound system and the great podium that stood elevated several feet above the stage in the dab center.

Brian & co. had found good seats in the third row and took their seats, eagerly awaiting the speech to finish so they could finally go on. They had to leave their pokemon behind in a waiting room because the officials were extremely strict with keeping the beautiful concert hall clean (despite the fact most adolescent boys leave trails worse than any Muk). Julie and Melissa were at the edge of their seats, paying attention eagerly to hear the speech whereas Brian and Greg were lying languidly on their comfy chairs, fiddling around with the seat height and back angle levers, not really paying attention to what was going on around them. As the next fifteen minutes passed, the concert hall slowly began to fill up more and more with the remaining aspiring trainers, though the hall had not even been a hundredth full. Once all one thousand children were seated, one of the more stout men in the front stage had risen up to the podium.

“Umm, testing, testing. Okay!” His voice had suddenly turned to a sharp bark and took nearly half the room by surprise with the deafening volume. “Welcome adolescents to the Whirl Islands! These beautiful islands will be your home until this very day next year when you depart with new pokemon, new experiences, and a new level of maturity! Now I don’t want to speak for long to make room for our speaker, so I will just go over a few regulations…”

These “few regulations” ended up in becoming another ten minute lecture on behavior and proper maturity, which appeared to be a problem in the past. Greg had fallen asleep around the four minute mark, right around the part mentioning sexual harassment of female federal workers. “And PLEASE! If an angry Tauros charging at you at sixty miles per hour, don’t act like Little Jimmy and take a picture with a red camera! Well, that’s all that I can think of for now. Now, presenting the League Set-Off Speech for this year is none other than Miss Patricia Gonzalez, Champion of Johto!”

Immediately, all the sleeping children jerked awake and murmurs of shock filled the auditorium. Never had a Champion given a speech in Whirl Island Pokemon League history, and Patricia Gonzales was perhaps the greatest champion in the last century along with Lance Sun. Before the famous trainer had even stepped onto the stage, all one thousand audience members leapt to their feet and racketeered and screamed as fiercely as they could (which was quite fierce). Despite being a fractional audience, the din had ruptured several ears, and Brian had to stop half-way through to plug his applauding hands onto his ears. An extremely intelligent-appearing formal woman had stepped onto the stage, resulting in several wolf-whistles from perverted boys, including you-know-who.

Though she was a staid woman, Patricia Gonzales couldn’t help but crack a smile at the enthusiastic cheers of the children cheering at her. She was quite short, only five foot three, and fashioned half-moon brown glasses and a rather tight periwinkle business suit that Greg would have fainted over if only it had stopped a few inches higher. She had a rather dark tan from the outdoors life of a Pokemon Champion and had her hair tied in a neat bun for the occasion, though true fanatics who watched her battles would know that she was a very loose person who dressed casually and did not fret over appearances except for special occasions. It was a bit of an honor that she found giving a speech to a bunch of pimple-ridden, hormone-drowned tweens important enough to get dressed for. The cheering continued for a good five minutes after she had entered the stage and stood on the podium until she held her ringed hand high into the air, causing the room to fall silent immediately.

“Good morning rising trainers of Johto! I’m sure all my precedents in giving this speech had the top-notch speech writers and used metaphors, similes, parallelism, and all that crap. But come on, I know none of you are interested in the flowery mumbo-jumbo that I would normally give; you’re teenagers! You went on this journey to escape school and go out into the real world, instead of a powerful riveting Gettysburg Address, I instead to plan to tell you what you need to know and what you want to hear! And yes, you can tell your teachers when you get back that I also used the word I…” Patricia Gonzales was truly a great speaker; she used no note cards, every captivating word she said was impromptu. She certainly kept her promise; her speech was not boring and flowery but rather hilarious and anecdotal. Best of all, it was nice and short and within five minutes she was finished. “So you leave today like little Essax the Wynaut, but I know you will be great like Sally the Salamence when I see all your pimply faces at the end of the year tournament!”

As she turned from the podium and walked off, the audience began to scream and cheer as loudly as they could once more, not doing as well as last time since they were still sore from their initial cheering. Once Patricia Gonzales had taken her spot with the other suit-clad men, the same stout man from before approached the podium, resulting in several groans from a few of the more disrespectful adolescents (Greg among them). Unfazed by the disrespect, the stout man began to speak once more. “At the end of this sentence, your journey will legally begin, and you are no longer restricted by school and parental rule; have fun, but not too much fun. And as we say in the Whirl Islands, GIT!”

The audience cheered half-heartedly; really unable to strain their vocal chords any longer and threw their caps in their air. After waiting ten minutes for Greg to find his cap (the same one Sunkern lusted after), the foursome of Cianwood were finally read to set off into their journey, but were stopped again by Julie, who was staring at the stage, eyes burning with indignation. While everyone else was getting ready to leave, three extremely well-dressed girls had stepped onto the stage accompanied by a sober looking man wearing a tuxedo. Standing on the stage, chatting animatedly with Patricia Gonzales, were the Pecunia Triplets, among the most hated teenagers in Cianwood.

WARNING: STORY TIME

Melissa joined Julie in flashing a nasty look while Greg and Brian groaned in annoyance, knowing how the females got in the presence of the Pecunia Triplets. The Pecunia Triplets were filthy rich; their father was the C.E.O of some random company that did financial crap that not even Julie could comprehend. Though they could very well afford going to the fanciest private school in Johto, Violet City Academy, Mrs. Pecunia had some bad history with the headmaster, Earl Newton, and refused to let her children go to his school. Instead, they were sent to Cianwood Academy where they ruled with an iron fist because of their deep pockets. Though the triplets had nearly half the school cowering at their feet, Julie refused to join the rest of the sniveling cowards and was the only one who stood up to them and their bullying antics.

Because of this, neither Julie nor anyone associated with her (including Melissa, Natalie, and Nathan) were not exactly the most popular people around. The Pecunias held influence over the bullies, the teachers, the upper-class men, and ensured anyone they didn’t like went through hell. Despite having her and her friends’ possessions vandalized, books thrown, and being overall sneered at by the minions of the Pecunias, Julie remained strong and refused to submit to the snot nosed brats and soon became the leader of the faction of the school that was anti-Pecunia. Sally Pecunia, the eldest and most influential of the Pecunias, let no opportunity go to be somehow insult Julie, and Julie was no angel either. Their war was kept overall silent until something drastic happened in the Winter of Seventh Grade.

Julie’s rage finally erupted when the Pecunia Triplets struck someone very close to her: Brian. It was common knowledge that Pokemon Nurses did not make great amounts of money, and at the time, Marcus Arganaut was unable to hold a steady job. The end result was Brian’s family becoming quite poor and having to pull many desperate measures in order to live above sustenance level. Because of Marcus’s pride, they were unable to turn to Bruno and Chuck for financial help, despite their constant attempts to help them. Because of the rise of the Pecunia Dynasty in Cianwood Academy, a new contempt for the lower middle class was forged, and Brian was no exception. While the twins were in Fourth Period studying the anatomy of Bellsprout, Sally Pecunia called for a mass taunting of Brian at lunch. Brian, who was never a strong person, was reduced to tears as a good fifty students swarmed around him and began to call him atrocious names and throw food at him. Despite being an entire wing away, Julie heard Brian’s horrible ordeal and stormed out of her classroom, ignoring the angry cries of her teacher.

Within minutes, Julie had arrived in the lunchroom where half the students were trying to look away and the other half was surrounding Brian. Snarling like a banshee, Julie plowed her way through the mob until she finally reached the center where a tear-stained motionless Brian laid sprawled on the floor, stained with an assortment of food. The Triplets had come forward to finish the job, and Sally was in the middle of squirting him with a bottle of ketchup, before an enraged Julie pounced on her. Julie then commenced to punch and beat the crap out of Daddy’s Princess whom she had pinned on the floor, shocking everyone in the room. The cronies were too afraid to move, never having anyone physically stand up to them. Brian watched in awe, amazed at the lengths of Julie’s anger.

The strongest and most aggressive of the Pecunia triplets, Paige Pecunia, had gone to the aid of her elder sister and managed to lay a few successive blows on Julie. However, all of Brian’s Tai-Kwan-Do lessons weren’t for nothing after he saved his friend from the clutches of the bulky he-she with a good dropkick to the thighs. The third Pecunia triplet, Grace Pecunia, was very preppy and too busy with her makeup asphyxiated face to bother fighting, let alone notice the fact her sisters were getting beat up. Though she sat innocently several tables away applying nail polish to her manicured nails, a furious Julie still charged toward her and within thirty seconds, she was sprawled on top of her sisters, groaning with pain.

Julie looked rather pleased with herself while the bystanders were too shocked for words. Good old Dean Thomas decided to finally act and suspended Julie for a month while Joseph Pecunia almost had her sent to Juvie for assault, if it hadn’t been for the fact that Chuck intervened on her behalf. Ever since then, Julie was hailed as a hero; Brian was tormented as a girl-hitter; and the Pecunia Triplets swore revenge on Julie, even if it meant getting their Abercrombie and Trapinch clothes dirty!


End Story

“Let’s go.” Julie said cheerfully turning her eyes away from the Triplets on the stage and scurrying to the exit with a little skip-hop along with Melissa. Brian and Greg exchanged a confused look that plainly said, “Girls…”

They recovered their pokemon and traveling packs and started the preparations to travel. Melissa called out her Shellder and kept him in one arm while holding a compass with another arm; Brian fixed Sunkern onto his shoulder and held a map of the Ameamkad Forest where they would be heading; Greg and Julie held the water bottles while Machop tossed Slowpoke over his shoulder like a simple sack. Backpacks on their backs, pokemon by their sides, the four trainers left the concert hall and set out on the main road ready for their journey with smiles on their faces and the flame for pokemon training in their hearts.

“Do you guys realize how incredible cheesy this must look?” Greg asked as he walked in a rather cheery manor with a smile that rivaled Nurse Joy’s.

“Yeah, I know.” Brian responded as the sun cast its beams on the sea, resulting in sparkling spots of pure beauty as they headed down the road, into the journey known as life.


;251;

“M-man, t-this is so e-exhausting…” Greg mumbled as he struggled to drag his feet through the roads.

“Greg, we’ve only been walking ten minutes!” Melissa snapped. The Concert Hall was still visible behind them.

“I know but still…”


;251;

An hour and a half later, the four trainers were already starting to get tired. Machop whispered something snidely to Shellder and Sunkern, who had gotten out of their trainer’s arms and started hopping along the path by Machop’s side. It had involved something about the weakness of the human race.

They were still in Slateblue City, and after seeing so many of the beautiful sights, they wished they could have stayed a little longer. No one was talking except the pokemon who were particularly gleeful. After another ten minutes, Melissa caught sight of a little green sign that stated “Slateblue Concert Hall-4 miles, Ameamkad Forest- 8 miles, Oliver Hornsby Park-HERE.”

“Eight miles? Last sign it was six!” Melissa exclaimed, rereading the sign in disbelief.

Brian looked down at his map and rotated it with a look of horror on his face which he quickly turned into a soft chuckle, “Heheh, umm guys…”

Julie, who had assumed position of group leader, looked as if she very much wanted to knock out Brian’s front teeth, but restrained herself and instead sighed deeply. “Let’s go. It’s already 11; I don’t know how we’re going get the city in time. Once we’re in the forest, we have another twelve miles to walk! This is friggin insane; we’re never going to get around unless we have some sort of uhh—”

“Helicopter?” Greg finished, looking up into the sky.

“Yes, exactly! A helicopter! Good job Greg!” Julie finished, rather shocked by the intellectual input donated by her brother.

“No, Julie. Helicopter!” Brian responded, pointing at the sky.

All four adolescents were looking at the clear sunny sky, and sure enough, there was a helicopter that was slowly descending into the park by which they were standing. A lot of the people in the park moved back to make room in the emerald clearing where the helicopter seemed be hoping to land on. In spite of themselves, the foursome rushed into the park and joined the mob looking up at the helicopter. As it started approaching the ground, the gale produced by the whirling blades soon called for the bystanders to protect their faces. Brian caught sight of Julie and Melissa’s hair whipping to and fro violently as the helicopter came into clear sight. He saw a dark glint in Julie’s eyes and soon understood why. There were large platinum colored “P” on the both sides of the helicopter…

“Oh damn it. Not them! And only two pages after they were mentioned too…” Greg moaned loudly to be heard over the sound.

“Pages?” Brian screamed trying to stay on his feet as the helicopter hovered only ten feet above the land, unleashing a mini hurricane on the surrounding radius with it.

“Pages of our adventure, of course!” Melissa hollered, shielding her face with her Shellder’s underbelly.

“That makes no sense…”

But they didn’t hear his last response because the helicopter had finally touched the ground, blowing some of the small children back several feet. Even Brian and Melissa had to hold the petite Greg and Julie to make sure they wouldn’t be hurtling off to Oz. Though Julie had her face completely shielded from the fierce winds, they could still feel the red hot fury burning off of her cheeks. There were a good fifteen other bystanders who looked as if they’ve never seen a helicopter up close (mainly small children and soccer moms). Finally, the helicopter blades stopped revolving, and the gale died down, leaving frizzy haired women and scattered trash as proof of its existence.

They saw three figures stirring around within the metallic depths of the helicopter, and a vein in Julie’s left temple started to pulsate like a diseased organ. Brian and Greg exchanged yet another grimace; they would never get to the next city by sundown now because they had a score to settle. Meanwhile, Sunkern and Shellder guffawed at Machop, who toppled over in the helicopter’s landing and had a very hefty Slowpoke pinning him down by the chest.

“Julie, maybe we should leave and just pretend they never were here?” Brian asked hopefully as he tossed a weak Greg out of his arms.

“No,” she responded simply, glaring at the helicopters.

Finally, fifteen minutes after the helicopter was first sighted by Greg, the passengers finally came out through one of the doors, standing high and mighty over all the bystanders. They were three similar looking very well-dressed girls with rather prominent noses. They scanned their surroundings carefully and made a particularly nasty face upon sighting the foursome, as if they saw a half-rotted bloody baby Spheal being devoured by an Ursaring. The center girl opened her mouth as if she strongly wanted to say something, but was ushered off by an elderly man in a tuxedo who carried a roll of violet velvet with him. He pressed a button at the side of the helicopter causing a small stairway to extend from the doorway.

He rolled a pathway of the velvet from the stairs and into the grass, ignoring everyone around him. The three girls reappeared once more, and lifting the bottoms of their dresses, they walked onto the velvet pathway and descended into the park, smiling vindictively while everyone stared at them blankly. After pretending that she didn’t exist for several minutes, the three girls turned to face Julie with the same disgusted disposition as before. Julie returned an equally nasty glare and flushed red. The three girls were none other than the Pecunia Triplets. This continued for several minutes until a two year old girl said to her mother, “Mommy, do those girls need to go poopy?”

After slapping Greg for laughing at the incredibly lame joke, Julie was the first to same something.

“Well, well, well!”

“Well, well, well, WELL!” Sally riposted with her evil smile. Though being the smallest of the three, Sally had the greatest aura of power and struck fear into any person by just staring at them with her black eyes. Each Pecunia Triplet had their hair done differently to differentiate themselves, and Sally’s hair was kept in neat curls that fell to her shoulders.

“Thanks Jeeves, now please go fix the engine!” Grace ordered their butler with a very shrill voice. Abundant amounts of makeup smothering her face; Grace Pecunia was the most look-obsessed typical teenage girl. Her massive amount of hair stood up in a small honey-comb, quivering ominously with the about thousand chemicals packed within.

“What brings you harpies down from Cloud Nine?” Brian asked smugly. One soccer mom murmured something about “foul language” and stormed away, dragging away her two year old daughter with her.

“Shut up, Brandon! Our engine was malfunctioning, so we landed here and caught sight of some rather icky bugs that deserve a good stomping!” Paige responded viciously, her voice strangely deep. Her body was abnormally large and her frilly pink dress seemed out of place on a girl who seemed as if she would pop a beard at any second. Her black hair was kept in a single braided pony-tail, and Greg shuddered just looking at her.

“Stomping? As if you can raise those five hundred dollar shoes without paying several Orre immigrants to do it for you!” Greg cackled rather proud of his insult.

The four pokemon exchanged rather uneasy looks to each other; knowing with the weakness of a human fist, they would seen be battling for their trainers’ honor soon enough. The tension was quite heavy, but not quite ready to be sliced by a knife. Jeeves was peeking from the engine of the helicopter; everyone was expected something drastic to happen soon.

“Oh no, we wouldn’t let any filthy Orre immigrants leave their cheese-covered fingerprints on our shoes. We were thinking more along the lines of showing who’s the dominant trio with a good old fashioned pokemon battle! Though I highly doubt your thirty cent Wal-Mart pokemon stand a chance against ours…” Sally declared, pulling a heavily decorated platinum pokeball from the pocket of her turquoise dress.

“What about me?” Melissa snarled, wanting a piece of the triplets as well.

“Oh, no one gives a damn about you, ****,” Paige answered brutally.

The response to her comment was chaotic. All the mothers immediately clamped the ears of their children and scurried off; appalled at the fact a thirteen year old girl used one of the foulest words in all of Johto. Melissa simply stood there with her mouth hanging down, her eyes tearing up with shock, but not surprise. Shellder’s eyes narrowed in fury, and the other three pokemon (including Slowpoke) started snarling in protest, understanding the severity of the word. Julie almost pounced on Paige, roaring with rage and a long string of curse words streaming from her mouth, wanting nothing better than to mutilate her into a hundred pieces on Melissa’s behalf, but she was restrained by Greg and Brian, who looked as if they also wanted to personally punish Paige. Sally and Grace simply chuckled at how angry they caused the foursome to turn. Shellder was ready to attack the girl who insulted his trainer himself, but was called back by Melissa.

“Shellder…return,” Melissa whispered, still too appalled to respond. Holding the pokeball containing her Shellder close by her side, she slowly proceeded to a park bench not too far off from them and sat there, simply staring into space. When Julie finally calmed down, she pulled herself from the guys’ grip and ran to Melissa, silently whispering to Brian, “Kick her ***!”

“Aww, is da wittle baby huwt by big bad Pwaiges wurds? Can’t take much, can she da wittle fweak?” Grace taunted in a deep baby voice. She was met by several middle fingers.

Julie sat on the bench next to Melissa, who started to sob into her friend’s chest. Julie wrapped her arms around Melissa’s back and began to pat the back of her head, trying to console her though her own eyes were getting puffy. At this, the triplets started to guffaw even harder than before. Brian looked down at his Sunkern, and they both nodded. Paige needed her punishment, and it would be them who delivered it to her.

“You’ll pay for what you called Melissa, you disgusting he-she!” Brian muttered furiously as he marched toward the triplets with Sunkern by his side. When he got within five feet of the velvet carpet, he was jabbed rather ferociously by Sally’s parasol in the stomach.

“Ten…feet….away! We don’t want your slimy germs on us, sissy boy!” Sally lectured as she continued to jab him several more times until he got the sense to back off.

“Next time it’ll be your eye!” Grace finished.

Looking more enraged then before, Brian kept his head high and nodded to Sunkern who also glared them down. Paige looked down at the grass pokemon and couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re going to be Melody’s knight in shining armor with that? Pathetic, I’ll have this done in two minutes sisters!”

“I’ll bite your head off, *****!” Sunkern yelped as she leaped into the battle field, ready to battle.



On the next chapter of Whirl Island Quest...

What will happen when the Pecunias and the Trio duke it out? Stay tuned for Chapter 5, Arise, typical arrogant, rich rivals!

PDL
4th April 2006, 12:32 AM
“Too bad it ain’t Bruno…that guys the epitome of testosterone? Did you know that Bruno Arganaut lost his virginity before his father? And that there is no such thing as evolution, just pokemon he chooses to live and chooses to die? Furthermore, he frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just not his own…” Greg started rambling.

“SHUT UP!!!” every single man and pokemon in the PokeCenter cried out, sick of hearing the jokes about some stupid muscle man on a daily basis.

now you know how I feel about Chuck Norris jokes :)


“M-man, t-this is so e-exhausting…” Greg mumbled as he struggled to drag his feet through the roads.

“Greg, we’ve only been walking ten minutes!” Melissa snapped. The Concert Hall was still visible behind them.

“I know but still…”

easily the best part :)

anyway, those triplets sound like grade A *****cakes... I hope I don't have to hear about them after the next chapter.

Advancedblazeashmaymistyp
4th April 2006, 4:18 AM
Well since u pmed me to read the story i read it and now review time yes!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe u should pm me when ur new chapters r done it would um.....help? just pm me the next time a new chapter comes k? Well for once ive decided to review with quotes thats right i got my lazy as# up and did quotes *Clapping* thank u all! oh, yeah and i have a few things to ask you so i'm going to leave a little note after each quote for my feelings about it, k? and u'd better reply to all my comments after the quotes thts right reply to every friggin word of the comments!?
Okay here we go!






“Wait a second…WHY IS THERE A FREAKING BANANA IN MY—“

“—ROOM!” Brian hollered. He opened his eyes and immediately was smothered in a wave of drowsiness. He was out of the bizarre world and back in the PokeCenter room where a pajama clad Julie and Melissa stared at him in confusion.

“Well, you win the award for most random statement of the day! Go get ready, Brian,” Julie chuckled before she and Melissa turned to face a spread-eagled Greg on the floor, trying to not make eye-contact since he was wearing nothing but rather tight underwear.

ha ha that was good!




“Wake up Greg! We have to leave in an hour if we want to get to the next city in time, so you can make it to sign up for your little Whirl Cup!” Melissa pleaded as she attempted to pull one of his placid arms, but he remained adamant on the floor. Greg was not a morning person.

“Ehhh…I don’t care…I’ll find another way to get that Misty…I’ll catch up with ya guys in a…uhh…”

Snickering to himself, Brian leapt out his bunk and rubbed his eyes vigorously, ready to set out on the road. He dragged his weak legs toward his pack to take some new clothes, having completely forgotten about the strange banana that haunted his dreams. Greg continued to be lethargic and remained on the floor to the girls’ avail. Not long after, the insane, botox-injected Nurse Joy entered their room with her unnatural grin glued on her face.

“Is there a problem? You children need to get up and ready-Freddy for the day ahead! So get yourselves up and come down for some scrump-diddly-umptious breakfast!” Nurse Joy squealed with a perky expression. Greg responded by groaning and snuggling closer to the floor. From the flush that came to her face, Brian assumed that Nurse Joy did not like being ignored too well. “Sweety, when I say get up, I MEAN GET…UP! BETSY, GO!”

Looking more somber than before, the evil nurse grabbed a pokeball from her pocket and tossed it at Greg’s bare back. The blonde idiot chose to simply grunt in annoyance while the two halves of the pokeball split apart, releasing one of the most terrifying pokemon Brian had seen in his life. It was a huge and intimidating bipedal violet canine pokemon, but this pokemon was no regular puppy; its lower jaw made up over half its head, and its eyes were narrowed in pure anger down at the boy who fake-slept blissfully. The other three children immediately stepped back several feet, frightened by this horrifying beast.

“Grrraaaannnbuuul!”

A thick stream of slimy drool dripped from the side of its huge mouth and fell right onto Greg’s shoulder. Immediately, Greg opened his eyes to wipe off the icky saliva from his skin and instead found the growling pug-face of the Granbull glaring down at him, licking her lips rather lustfully. For a moment Greg simply continued to lie on the floor, whimpering as he looked at the big bad wolf. Finally, after a few moments of silence, the Granbull named Betsy gave a tiny, “Ruff!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Greg immediately took off in a sprint out of the room, right into the lobby of the PokeCenter, wearing nothing but his skimpy tighty-whities. A satisfied Nurse Joy recalled her pokemon and left a shocked Brian, Julie, and Melissa behind.

“Great, it’s only been five minutes into the day, and I already want to kill myself!” Julie sighed as the crescendo of laughter from the lobby struck their room.

rofl! tht was good



Not long afterwards, the adolescents had finished getting dressed and started on eating a “scrump-diddly-umptious” breakfast in the lobby.

lol! that was good to ^_^



“So that’s it. That’s going to be our journey. I have a question though, as much as we love Slowpoke and all, what are we going to do with the fact that he refuses to go in a PokeBall and the fact that he will probably slow us down?” Brian asked curiously.

“YES! What Brian said is true. I guess I’m just going to have to leave Slowpoke behind…” Greg spat out, eager to finally find a good excuse to rid of his little chubby companion.

“Say Julie, can’t Machop just carry Slowpoke like a breeze? He does bench five hundred pounds after all!” Melissa said to Julie smirking wickedly.

“Exactly. So Slowpoke stays since my Machop remains a powerhouse!” Julie replied vindictively, leaving Greg with the face of a Pidgeot that lost his big, juicy Wurmple.

ha ha sux to be Greg! LOL!


“You’re pokemon are ready and fighting fit to go! Except for Slowpoke, who is suffering three brain tumors… Now please take them and kindly leave!” Nurse Joy exclaimed as she brought a tray holding Sunkern and a pokeball containing Melissa’s Shellder. Machop and Slowpoke had walked by her side, one eager to see his trainer and the other eager to have received a free morphine injection.

“Only three brain tumors? Ooh Slowpoke I’m so proud of you! You’re getting extra Remoraid N’ Bits…” Greg lauded in a baby voice rubbing Slowpokes pink ears.

Ha ha ROFL! I loved that part!

“Que?”


“Hey Sunkern! It’s okay, the crazy lady is gone now,” Brian whispered as the Nurse Joy returned to her counter, attempting to conceal the cigarette she was smoking, “Get ready Bud! We’re leaving today after we go to hear the speaker! Last year it was my Uncle Bruno, but he’s too busy in Hoenn trying to sort out those matters with Dad. We may have lost to Nathan, but we’re gonna so whoop everyone else’s butt!”

“Sunkern!” The seed pokemon piped up, having stopped listening at Hoenn.

HA HA Sunkern and his ignorance and smoking nurse joy! o_0! LMFFAOSLIGK (Laughing my fuc&ing fat as# off so loudly that i get killed)


“Machop dear, get ready because you’re going to be carrying that Slowpoke the majority of this trip! You’re such a little sweety! I just wuv you!” Julie squealed as she hugged her fighting pokemon as hard as he could, who looked embarrassed at Sunkern.

“Great, I get to carry about fatso there…”

“He’s just big-boned…”

^_^LOL! reminds of Harry potter when madanme Maxmine sayd "i ave big bonez"



“Too bad it ain’t Bruno…that guys the epitome of testosterone? Did you know that Bruno Arganaut lost his virginity before his father? And that there is no such thing as evolution, just pokemon he chooses to live and chooses to die? Furthermore, he frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just not his own…” Greg started rambling.

“SHUT UP!!!” every single man and pokemon in the PokeCenter cried out, sick of hearing the jokes about some stupid muscle man on a daily basis.

*grins* ha ha stupid Greg but don't worry i still like ya not in the gay way though considering im a boy

They had to leave their pokemon behind in a waiting room because the officials were extremely strict with keeping the beautiful concert hall clean (despite the fact most adolescent boys leave trails worse than any Muk).

LOL! good stuff.




These “few regulations” ended up in becoming another ten minute lecture on behavior and proper maturity, which appeared to be a problem in the past. Greg had fallen asleep around the four minute mark, right around the part mentioning sexual harassment of female federal workers.

figures Greg would do something like tht.


“And PLEASE! If an angry Tauros charging at you at sixty miles per hour, don’t act like Little Jimmy and take a picture with a red camera!

LOL! i wonder how anyone could be tht dumb.


An extremely intelligent-appearing formal woman had stepped onto the stage, resulting in several wolf-whistles from perverted boys, including you-know-who.

coughgregcough



“So you leave today like little Essax the Wynaut, but I know you will be great like Sally the Salamence when I see all your pimply faces at the end of the year tournament!”

WTF! So random. ^_^


Brian, who was never a strong person, was reduced to tears as a good fifty students swarmed around him and began to call him atrocious names and throw food at him.

WTF! Dan% Brians a wimp. U better make him stronger at this kind of stuff as his kourney goes on! >_<


Within minutes, Julie had arrived in the lunchroom where half the students were trying to look away and the other half was surrounding Brian. Snarling like a banshee, Julie plowed her way through the mob until she finally reached the center

THT'S right Julie kick thier as%


where a tear-stained motionless Brian laid sprawled on the floor, stained with an assortment of food. The Triplets had come forward to finish the job, and Sally was in the middle of squirting him with a bottle of ketchup,

WTF! DAN% U ICE KING MAKING MY FAV. CHARCHTER WEAK!!!!!!!!!!!! what the hel% is Brians problem anyways!? I'd knock some sense into them with some ji jitsu moves and knock em down. Iceking u'd better make Brian better and improve his charachter from a girl to a boy!

Brian: HEY!

shut up sissy boy. *Throws food at him*

Brian: *runs of crying*

See what i mean!


before an enraged Julie pounced on her. Julie then commenced to punch and beat the crap out of Daddy’s Princess whom she had pinned on the floor, shocking everyone in the room. The cronies were too afraid to move, never having anyone physically stand up to them.

yeah tht's right go Julie.


Brian watched in awe, amazed at the lengths of Julie’s anger.

WTF! AGAIN Brian is weak he should of done something and get him really ticked off in another chapter that his anger and violence surpasses Julie"s! tht will be fun to watch i love watching calm people blow up cause there usually the most vicous and feroucius of them all!


The strongest and most aggressive of the Pecunia triplets, Paige Pecunia, had gone to the aid of her elder sister and managed to lay a few successive blows on Julie.

WTF! IF Julie can tear an Ursaring apart and she gets hit be a he-she!


However, all of Brian’s Tai-Kwan-Do lessons weren’t for nothing after he saved his friend from the clutches of the bulky he-she with a good dropkick to the thighs.

YEAH THAT'S right one good thing about Brian is his black belt but still he's a wimp u'd better make him stronger!


The third Pecunia triplet, Grace Pecunia, was very preppy and too busy with her makeup asphyxiated face to bother fighting, let alone notice the fact her sisters were getting beat up. Though she sat innocently several tables away applying nail polish to her manicured nails, a furious Julie still charged toward her and within thirty seconds, she was sprawled on top of her sisters, groaning with pain.

LOL! ha ha stupid preppy pretty girl go beat up.


Good old Dean Thomas decided to finally act and suspended Julie for a month while Joseph Pecunia almost had her sent to Juvie for assault, if it hadn’t been for the fact that Chuck intervened on her behalf.


ha ha dean thomas hmm.... his name sounds farmiliar.


Ever since then, Julie was hailed as a hero; Brian was tormented as a girl-hitter; and the Pecunia Triplets swore revenge on Julie, even if it meant getting their Abercrombie and Trapinch clothes dirty!

LOL! another good part.


End Story




“M-man, t-this is so e-exhausting…” Greg mumbled as he struggled to drag his feet through the roads.

“Greg, we’ve only been walking ten minutes!” Melissa snapped. The Concert Hall was still visible behind them.

“I know but still…”

lol!

Machop whispered something snidely to Shellder and Sunkern, who had gotten out of their trainer’s arms and started hopping along the path by Machop’s side. It had involved something about the weakness of the human race.

ths's right Macjop uu tell them!



“Eight miles? Last sign it was six!” Melissa exclaimed, rereading the sign in disbelief.

Brian looked down at his map and rotated it with a look of horror on his face which he quickly turned into a soft chuckle, “Heheh, umm guys…”[/QUOTE
]

Lol! stupid Brian


[QUOTE]Julie, who had assumed position of group leader, looked as if she very much wanted to knock out Brian’s front teeth, but restrained herself and instead sighed deeply.

LOL!





“Oh damn it. Not them! And only two pages after they were mentioned too…” Greg moaned loudly to be heard over the sound.

“Pages?” Brian screamed trying to stay on his feet as the helicopter hovered only ten feet above the land, unleashing a mini hurricane on the surrounding radius with it.

“Pages of our adventure, of course!” Melissa hollered, shielding her face with her Shellder’s underbelly.

“That makes no sense…”

RANDOMNESS! ^_^


They scanned their surroundings carefully and made a particularly nasty face upon sighting the foursome, as if they saw a half-rotted bloody baby Spheal being devoured by an Ursaring.

LOL! violence.



This continued for several minutes until a two year old girl said to her mother, “Mommy, do those girls need to go poopy?”

After slapping Greg for laughing at the incredibly lame joke, Julie was the first to same something.

lol! another fav. part



“What brings you harpies down from Cloud Nine?” Brian asked smugly. One soccer mom murmured something about “foul language” and stormed away, dragging away her two year old daughter with her.

HA HA dan% sensitive soccer moms.



The four pokemon exchanged rather uneasy looks to each other; knowing with the weakness of a human fist, they would seen be battling for their trainers’ honor soon enough.


“What about me?” Melissa snarled, wanting a piece of the triplets as well.

“Oh, no one gives a damn about you, ****,” Paige answered brutally.

The response to her comment was chaotic. All the mothers immediately clamped the ears of their children and scurried off; appalled at the fact a thirteen year old girl used one of the foulest words in all of Johto. Melissa simply stood there with her mouth hanging down, her eyes tearing up with shock, but not surprise. Shellder’s eyes narrowed in fury, and the other three pokemon (including Slowpoke) started snarling in protest, understanding the severity of the word. Julie almost pounced on Paige, roaring with rage and a long string of curse words streaming from her mouth, wanting nothing better than to mutilate her into a hundred pieces on Melissa’s behalf, but she was restrained by Greg and Brian, who looked as if they also wanted to personally punish Paige. Sally and Grace simply chuckled at how angry they caused the foursome to turn. Shellder was ready to attack the girl who insulted his trainer himself, but was called back by Melissa.

DAN$ all this over a swareword i mean ppl sware at me at school and im not fazrd tht much but still there reactions were pretty funny. ^_^


“Shellder…return,” Melissa whispered, still too appalled to respond. Holding the pokeball containing her Shellder close by her side, she slowly proceeded to a park bench not too far off from them and sat there, simply staring into space.

WHOA wht happened to the demon inside her eh, Iceking


When Julie finally calmed down, she pulled herself from the guys’ grip and ran to Melissa, silently whispering to Brian, “Kick her ***!”


U'D BETTER LISTEN Brian.



“Ten…feet….away! We don’t want your slimy germs on us, sissy boy!” Sally lectured as she continued to jab him several more times until he got the sense to back off.

WTF! i would ave broken that dan%ed Umbrella and proceed to pound the living daylights out of the person boy or girl or it.


“Next time it’ll be your eye!” Grace finished.

Looking more enraged then before, Brian kept his head high and nodded to Sunkern who also glared them down.

thts right Brian be angry ticked off anything to make u explode and do something drastic like battle her.


Paige looked down at the grass pokemon and couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re going to be Melody’s knight in shining armor with that? Pathetic, I’ll have this done in two minutes sisters!”

WHAT! NO ONE DISSES SUNKERN EVEN IF IT DOES SUCK. KICK HER A## BRIAN.


“I’ll bite your head off, *****!” Sunkern yelped as she leaped into the battle field, ready to battle.


THT'S right sunkern atleast u don't take sh%t from ppl.

well finishing comments read them dan%it. i liked this chapter it was fighting packed i like those kind of chapters. And some thngs #1 BRian better not lose or i'll do something drastic! #2. make sure u give Brian some other good pokemon besides Sunkern like really good pokemon. #3. Brian better become really good at battling and develop his charachter a bit more i no Julie and Sunkerns ur fav. but develop Brian a bit more, K? #4. If one of these days Brian dosen't beat the fuc%ing shi%t out of ppl who diss him or his friends something will happen.


so brian losing is a no. other good pokemon, develop his charachter and make him an excellent battler, make him so mad his violence and anger surpasses Julies one of these chapters. it will be fun to watch! remember reply to every dan% word i said , k?

yes i'm crazy

Sike Saner
4th April 2006, 5:51 AM
Zaaktira![/semi-random Zreekan outburst] Very nice chapter, one of the most satisfying in terms of both funniness and simply excellent writing. The opening dream sequence was really very richly written and very lovely to read - bananas and all. XD

And the Pecunias....Ohhh, how I would love to rain misery on them and make them long lustfully for the loving embrace of death...Yes, they are teh ebil. Although, I do have to laugh at Paige the "he-she" (I love that term XD), and enjoy doing so. XPPPP

Highlights:


It was curved, long, and majestic.

…No comment. XD


The raging sea became stagnant; the void stopped shaking; and the realm and Brian’s heart swelled with a sort of blissful peace that would remain as long as the banana remained in front of him, glowing brightly as a beacon in this dark realm.

That is a genuinely lovely descriptive sentence…

…that just happens to contain mention of a banana. XD


“Is there a problem? You children need to get up and ready-Freddy for the day ahead! So get yourselves up and come down for some scrump-diddly-umptious breakfast!” Nurse Joy squealed with a perky expression.

AHHHH! It’s a Nurse Joy FLANDERS! Scary… o_o


Finally, after a few moments of silence, the Granbull named Betsy gave a tiny, “Ruff!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Greg immediately took off in a sprint out of the room, right into the lobby of the PokeCenter, wearing nothing but his skimpy tighty-whities.

XDDDDD Nice.


Machop and Slowpoke had walked by her side, one eager to see his trainer and the other eager to have received a free morphine injection.


“Only three brain tumors? Ooh Slowpoke I’m so proud of you! You’re getting extra Remoraid N’ Bits…” Greg lauded in a baby voice rubbing Slowpokes pink ears.


The building was clearly one of the biggest attractions in Slateblue City; the hit band “Six Centimeter Screws” had played their last week judging from the scattered fliers and signs they had seen on the walk.

“Six Centimeter Screws”… XD A free pack of gummi worms to everyone who gets the reference.


They had to leave their pokemon behind in a waiting room because the officials were extremely strict with keeping the beautiful concert hall clean (despite the fact most adolescent boys leave trails worse than any Muk).

So true. XD


“So you leave today like little Essax the Wynaut, but I know you will be great like Sally the Salamence when I see all your pimply faces at the end of the year tournament!”

Bahh, rkkuussen! It’s spelled Esaax, with two ‘a’s!

Meh, I dunno how may times I’ve misspelled it myself, though. XDDDDD *hugs you for le reference* ^^


WARNING: STORY TIME

That made me snort. XDDDDD


The third Pecunia triplet, Grace Pecunia, was very preppy and too busy with her makeup asphyxiated face to bother fighting, let alone notice the fact her sisters were getting beat up.

“Makeup asphyxiated face”…I love that. XDDDD


“Oh damn it. Not them! And only two pages after they were mentioned too…” Greg moaned loudly to be heard over the sound.

…XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


This continued for several minutes until a two year old girl said to her mother, “Mommy, do those girls need to go poopy?”

After slapping Greg for laughing at the incredibly lame joke, Julie was the first to same something.

O_o

Don’t worry, Greg; I laughed at it, too. XDDDD


“I’ll bite your head off, *****!” Sunkern yelped as she leaped into the battle field, ready to battle.

Words cannot describe how much I love that line coming out of a Sunkern. XDDDDDDDD Awesome. ^^


You are funny as hell, and plenty of people seem to recognize that, but I hope that the sheer quality of your writing style is also being recognized. You really are quite good at this, as this and your other works prove. ^^

cyndaquil_dratini
4th April 2006, 9:25 AM
Yeah, ok, this was a good chapter, I admit it. Tis up there with the chapter one standard now, this story. And I can understand finally how come Julie's your favourite character. Everyone kinda took Julie as the boring one till now- here's something mushy to chew on, here's a reason to like her. And she's kinda the leader of the group too.

I agree with Sike in that your description at the start of this chapter was lovely, particularly the stuff about waves. Nup, I'm not gonna quote it, you know what you wrote, every other review to this story is

funny stuff
ROFLROFL LOLO LOL that was soooo funny!!!!

It was really funny this time round too tho- I particularly loved Nurse Joy in this chapter, in fact, much more than in the other one. I was once again laughing out loud at your fic, especially the Granbull bit...and there was another line...but they were brilliant. It's great how you can get perfect comic timing into here- even though it's writing. More people should write comedy like you. Oh, I think it was the 'corny moment' bit, I loved that bit.

The other part that really made an impact on me was the little side story about the Pecunia sisters. And, yeah, it was really corny and the characters are so stereotyped; but somehow, your style of humour makes them seem so much more mean, and I really felt for Julie (and Brian- I'm such a Brian) and I really understood where they were coming from. I'm looking forward, though, to less character stuff and meeting of new characters and a bit of story now- they're on their way, so are they gonna compete in battles and stuff soon? I'm sorry, I know I'm really picky and a real plot pusher, but I kind of feel like these Pecunia sisters (who kinda seem like the ongoing baddies) shoulda been intoduced a fair few chapters back, maybe before the whole surfer guy sequence on the boat. It woulda helped bring out Julies character a lot more too. Perhaps that's something to consider if you ever do another rewrite of this tale- cutting all the not very important bits. If theres anything wrong with this story, its that its too long and not enough is happening.

But yes. I loved this chapter, tis up there with numero uno...almost surpasses it, due to its brilliant description and character development as well as humour, so kudos to you. You're a very, very talented writer, IceKing, I really enjoy reading your stuff. Well done.

IceKing
4th April 2006, 9:35 PM
Ehh, I wanted to wait till five reviews to respond but something in C_Ds review caused me to HAVE to respond

PDL:

now you know how I feel about Chuck Norris jokes


FREE SHRUNKEN ELHOSSA HEAD FOR YOU! Congrats, I feel the same way about Chuck Norris jokes as well XD



easily the best part


I loved writing that part as well


anyway, those triplets sound like grade A *****cakes... I hope I don't have to hear about them after the next chapter.


Alas, but you will =) They are reoccuring charachters like Natalie and Nathan

Dude with long name:


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well since u pmed me to read the story i read it and now review time yes!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe u should pm me when ur new chapters r done it would um.....help? just pm me the next time a new chapter comes k? Well for once ive decided to review with quotes thats right i got my lazy as# up and did quotes *Clapping* thank u all! oh, yeah and i have a few things to ask you so i'm going to leave a little note after each quote for my feelings about it, k? and u'd better reply to all my comments after the quotes thts right reply to every friggin word of the comments!?
Okay here we go!

Thanks for doing quotes! You might want to watch out though, a lot of your tags are out of place and the wrong things are qouted, ect


ha ha that was good!

Bananas always bunches of fun ^^


rofl! tht was good


The granbull scene came from the revised original version, it was only one paragraph long then XD



lol! that was good to ^_^


I love Ned Flanders ^^


ha ha sux to be Greg! LOL!

Just wait till you see the rest of his line-up =P


Ha ha ROFL! I loved that part!

“Que?”


Que hora est? I was worried I was being a little racist, though that's not what I intended. Then I decided, I grew up with HIspanic people and I LOVE them (but not their music...), so therefore, I am NOT a racist.


HA HA Sunkern and his ignorance and smoking nurse joy! o_0! LMFFAOSLIGK (Laughing my fuc&ing fat as# off so loudly that i get killed)

I added both details when beta-ing =P


^_^LOL! reminds of Harry potter when madanme Maxmine sayd "i ave big bonez"

I love harry potter ^^ I'm surprised you didn't get the REAL harry Potter reference (Oliver Hornsby Park)


^_^LOL! reminds of Harry potter when madanme Maxmine sayd "i ave big bonez"

...you can like him whatever way you want XD I really dont mind being a bit of a liberal...


figures Greg would do something like tht.

Yes it would ^^


LOL! i wonder how anyone could be tht dumb.

You obviously havent been around enough teeenagers


WTF! So random. ^_^

I had trouble with that bit, so I just made up something on the spot. Esaax the Wynaut is a reference to the Origin of Storms by Sike Saner


WTF! Dan% Brians a wimp. U better make him stronger at this kind of stuff as his kourney goes on! >_<

I'm going to have to ask you to please not call Brian a wimp. Not everyone can be too strong, and Brian had soem history we don't know about yet... But you are right that one of the themes will be Brian's struggle to be more courageous


WTF! DAN% U ICE KING MAKING MY FAV. CHARCHTER WEAK!!!!!!!!!!!! what the hel% is Brians problem anyways!? I'd knock some sense into them with some ji jitsu moves and knock em down. Iceking u'd better make Brian better and improve his charachter from a girl to a boy!

Brian: HEY!

shut up sissy boy. *Throws food at him*

Brian: *runs of crying*

See what i mean!QUOTE]

Now, Advance.... don't be calling Brian weak. He is definetely no weakling, but he can't stand too much pressure. You'd be surprised how many males are the same way =P I'd love to see your reaction after being mass taunted by nearly half teh school in already difficult tiems

[QUOTE]WTF! AGAIN Brian is weak he should of done something and get him really ticked off in another chapter that his anger and violence surpasses Julie"s! tht will be fun to watch i love watching calm people blow up cause there usually the most vicous and feroucius of them all!

Actually, that's one of Brian's good traits. He DOESN"T let his anger get to him like Julie does, he can actually control himself


WTF! IF Julie can tear an Ursaring apart and she gets hit be a he-she!

As tough as Julie is, she is in no way invicinple (I know I spelled that wrong..)


YEAH THAT'S right one good thing about Brian is his black belt but still he's a wimp u'd better make him stronger!

See the other comments about you thinking he's a wimp ^^


ha ha dean thomas hmm.... his name sounds farmiliar.

Oooh I didnt think of that... Dean meant as in Principal. I changed it while betaing.


ths's right Macjop uu tell them!

Thats basically my pokemon involvement so far, there snide conversations behind their traienrs back. I cant wait before I can use them more...


LOL! violence.

Love the occasioanl morbid humor ^^


DAN$ all this over a swareword i mean ppl sware at me at school and im not fazrd tht much but still there reactions were pretty funny. ^_^


You brought up a very good point. What she said was much worse than aa swearword. I was expecting people to wonder what it was...but maybe I didnt make the reaction strong enough. Its all part of the mystery surrounding Melissa ^^


WHOA wht happened to the demon inside her eh, Iceking

Crushed. Won't say anything more than that.


WTF! i would ave broken that dan%ed Umbrella and proceed to pound the living daylights out of the person boy or girl or it.

=P Your just like Julie. But alas, your rash reactions won't take you too far...


thts right Brian be angry ticked off anything to make u explode and do something drastic like battle her.

Again, no that's his good trait. He doesn't explode


WHAT! NO ONE DISSES SUNKERN EVEN IF IT DOES SUCK. KICK HER A## BRIAN.

She does not suck, Advance =P Much better than the original sentret...


well finishing comments read them dan%it. i liked this chapter it was fighting packed i like those kind of chapters. And some thngs #1 BRian better not lose or i'll do something drastic! #2. make sure u give Brian some other good pokemon besides Sunkern like really good pokemon. #3. Brian better become really good at battling and develop his charachter a bit more i no Julie and Sunkerns ur fav. but develop Brian a bit more, K? #4. If one of these days Brian dosen't beat the fuc%ing shi%t out of ppl who diss him or his friends something will happen.


so brian losing is a no. other good pokemon, develop his charachter and make him an excellent battler, make him so mad his violence and anger surpasses Julies one of these chapters. it will be fun to watch! remember reply to every dan% word i said , k?


I'm sorry Bud, but I can't follow your advice on Brian XD I can tell you want him to be more like Julie and start acting rashly, but that IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Part of WHirl Island Quest is developing the theme of Teen Maturity, and Brian is pretty much the epitome of that. Brian WILL lose and WILL win. I'm tired of seeing those fics where the main charachter always wins... Brian will have plenty of good pokemon, but sunkern is a lot stronger than you take her to be! Just cuz Sunkern and Julie are my favorite, doesn't mean I don't like Brian. He's much more developed this time around. And you really need to understand you can't just go around beating people up, it's just not good and that's part of Brian's purpose.

Thanks for your review, but remember, acting rash is NOT a good thing.

Sike Saner:


Zaaktira![/semi-random Zreekan outburst] Very nice chapter, one of the most satisfying in terms of both funniness and simply excellent writing. The opening dream sequence was really very richly written and very lovely to read - bananas and all. XD

Really? I thought the dream sequence wasn't done that well...but you know whats boss XD


And the Pecunias....Ohhh, how I would love to rain misery on them and make them long lustfully for the loving embrace of death...Yes, they are teh ebil. Although, I do have to laugh at Paige the "he-she" (I love that term XD), and enjoy doing so. XPPPP


Paige is based off of someone I knew in real life, well two people actually...*shudders at rememberance* I'm glad you like the Pecunias!



…No comment. XD

I had the same reaction when I proofed XD I showed it to half my buddy list who were all disturbed


That is a genuinely lovely descriptive sentence…

…that just happens to contain mention of a banana. XD

XDD Exactly! I rewrote that sentence several times


AHHHH! It’s a Nurse Joy FLANDERS! Scary… o_o

Terrifying.


“Six Centimeter Screws”… XD A free pack of gummi worms to everyone who gets the reference.

I thought it would be obvious XD


So true. XD


*glares at Flamer*


Bahh, rkkuussen! It’s spelled Esaax, with two ‘a’s!

Meh, I dunno how may times I’ve misspelled it myself, though. XDDDDD *hugs you for le reference* ^^


Welcome. I couldn't think of a name for a wobbufet (Pattys fave PKMN) so I just used yours XDD


“Makeup asphyxiated face”…I love that. XDDDD

It was origianlly makeup smothered...but I loved the second version a lot better


O_o

Don’t worry, Greg; I laughed at it, too. XDDDD

I always pull that joke on my angry nephew XD BUt I remmeber I'm not supposed to do toilet humor so I instead added that one line...



Words cannot describe how much I love that line coming out of a Sunkern. XDDDDDDDD Awesome. ^^


I sat ten minutes thinking of the perfect insult XD It seemed to work



You are funny as hell, and plenty of people seem to recognize that, but I hope that's the sheer quality of your writing style is also being recognized. You really are quite good at this, as this and your other works prove. ^^

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am so grateful you said that because as much as I want to improve my comedy, its my writing which is my first goal


Cyndaquil Dratini


Yeah, ok, this was a good chapter, I admit it. Tis up there with the chapter one standard now, this story. And I can understand finally how come Julie's your favourite character. Everyone kinda took Julie as the boring one till now- here's something mushy to chew on, here's a reason to like her. And she's kinda the leader of the group too.

Hah! What now CD! WHAT NOW! Really? Brian is supposed to be the boring one, I purposely developed him like that. Old version he had no personality and I sat for hours thinking of what to make him and then Elemental Charizam suggested "boring lawyer guy" so I decided to make fun of his boringness from last version ^^ Also, I wanted to be original and for once let the main charachter actually NOT be the leader of the group


I agree with Sike in that your description at the start of this chapter was lovely, particularly the stuff about waves. Nup, I'm not gonna quote it, you know what you wrote, every other review to this story is

Good, I think Sike and Advanced covered all the qouting XD


It was really funny this time round too tho- I particularly loved Nurse Joy in this chapter, in fact, much more than in the other one. I was once again laughing out loud at your fic, especially the Granbull bit...and there was another line...but they were brilliant. It's great how you can get perfect comic timing into here- even though it's writing. More people should write comedy like you. Oh, I think it was the 'corny moment' bit, I loved that bit.

Thanks! I'm going to miss that Nurse joy, who knows I might give her a transfer... And I'm happy you like my comic timing as well, I personally really liked my helicopter bit because its something youd see out of a good tv show...but it wasnt really humor XD


The other part that really made an impact on me was the little side story about the Pecunia sisters. And, yeah, it was really corny and the characters are so stereotyped; but somehow, your style of humour makes them seem so much more mean, and I really felt for Julie (and Brian- I'm such a Brian) and I really understood where they were coming from. I'm looking forward, though, to less character stuff and meeting of new characters and a bit of story now- they're on their way, so are they gonna compete in battles and stuff soon? I'm sorry, I know I'm really picky and a real plot pusher, but I kind of feel like these Pecunia sisters (who kinda seem like the ongoing baddies) shoulda been intoduced a fair few chapters back, maybe before the whole surfer guy sequence on the boat. It woulda helped bring out Julies character a lot more too. Perhaps that's something to consider if you ever do another rewrite of this tale- cutting all the not very important bits. If theres anything wrong with this story, its that its too long and not enough is happening.

Yeah, I felt that there was a bit too much story as well... Don't worry, the stuff WILL start happening soon. Especially with my personally favorite action-filled chapter ^^ Pecunia Sisters are a parody of teh typical rich rival, but however, I DID introduce them before! They were just rementioned

From Chapter One


Well, I do love an occasional battle but don’t want to spend my entire year just training my pokemon for battle! Maybe I’ll go and see what pokemon occupation I want to do when I grow up…and perhaps train my pokemon to beat that awful Sally!”

She made a rather ugly face at the word Sally, for Sally was one of the Pecunia Triplets. The Pecunians were a very rich family with a giant mansion in the far end of Cianwood as well as a sea cabin. They had a set of triplets containing three snobby daughters: Sally, Grace, and Jean. They always wore fancy dresses and bragged about their surplus of material things in school. Sally and Julie were horrible enemies ever since Kindergarten, but that story is for another time…


SEE?

After next chapter, the story will officially get going. It'll be anime-style I suppose, but not nearly as repetive and corny (I hope...)


But yes. I loved this chapter, tis up there with numero uno...almost surpasses it, due to its brilliant description and character development as well as humour, so kudos to you. You're a very, very talented writer, IceKing, I really enjoy reading your stuff. Well done.

Thanks! That really means a lot =P



Thanks for the reviews everyone! This response was frickin huge, 8 pages...

Brian Powell
5th April 2006, 10:29 AM
As I continue on with my everyday life – going to uni, get stressed by lazy people who are in you project group, get unwanted driving lessons, get writer’s block, get mentally abused by my parents, and planning to attempt suicide in case anything goes wrong – there are only a few things that’s keeping me alive and your fic is one of them.

Allow me to let my quotes do the rest of the reviewing. ^^


Brian looked up at the banana with a dumbfounded look on his freckled face.

“Wait a second…WHY IS THERE A FREAKING BANANA IN MY—“

“—ROOM!” Brian hollered.
Oh yeah, I noticed that he has issues with that particular fruit. What’s up with that?


“Is there a problem? You children need to get up and ready-Freddy for the day ahead! So get yourselves up and come down for some scrump-diddly-umptious breakfast!”
Whee! Enter the Flanders impressionist!


A thick stream of slimy drool dripped from the side of its huge mouth and fell right onto Greg’s shoulder.
Ewww!


“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Greg immediately took off in a sprint out of the room, right into the lobby of the PokeCenter, wearing nothing but his skimpy tighty-whities.
Tighty-whities!? What is he? Eight?


“Great, it’s only been five minutes into the day, and I already want to kill myself!” Julie sighed as the crescendo of laughter from the lobby struck their room.
Lol!


“YES! What Brian said is true. I guess I’m just going to have to leave Slowpoke behind…” Greg spat out, eager to finally find a good excuse to rid of his little chubby companion.
Aw! Come on!


“Exactly. So Slowpoke stays since my Machop remains a powerhouse!” Julie replied vindictively, leaving Greg with the face of a Pidgeot that lost his big, juicy Wurmple.
Oh well, better luck next, Greg. *S******s*


“You’re pokemon are ready and fighting fit to go! Except for Slowpoke, who is suffering three brain tumors… Now please take them and kindly leave!”
I’m gonna miss that Nurse Joy. ^^


“Great, I get to carry about fatso there…”

“He’s just big-boned…”
Nice South Park reference there. ^^


“M-man, t-this is so e-exhausting…” Greg mumbled as he struggled to drag his feet through the roads.

“Greg, we’ve only been walking ten minutes!” Melissa snapped. The Concert Hall was still visible behind them.

“I know but still…”
Suppose they could call for Nurse Joy there and... Lol ^^


Brian looked down at his map and rotated it with a look of horror on his face which he quickly turned into a soft chuckle, “Heheh, umm guys…”
The old ‘read the map the wrong way round’ mistake. I like that! XD


This continued for several minutes until a two year old girl said to her mother, “Mommy, do those girls need to go poopy?”

After slapping Greg for laughing at the incredibly lame joke, Julie was the first to same something.
Hey! That was good! C’mon!


“I’ll bite your head off, *****!” Sunkern yelped as she leaped into the battle field, ready to battle.
O_O There’s something you don’t see or hear every day. How can you not have that ‘B’ censored unlike that other word?

Last but not least, those rich girls are right (BRIAN’S BEEN CENSORED!).

Overall score: 5/5

Air Dragon
7th April 2006, 10:10 AM
Kudos to you Icky! Another beyond cool, cracking my ribs open chappie!

BESTEST MOMENTS:


A thick stream of slimy drool dripped from the side of its huge mouth and fell right onto Greg’s shoulder. Immediately, Greg opened his eyes to wipe off the icky saliva from his skin and instead found the growling pug-face of the Granbull glaring down at him, licking her lips rather lustfully. For a moment Greg simply continued to lie on the floor, whimpering as he looked at the big bad wolf. Finally, after a few moments of silence, the Granbull named Betsy gave a tiny, “Ruff!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Greg immediately took off in a sprint out of the room, right into the lobby of the PokeCenter, wearing nothing but his skimpy tighty-whities. A satisfied Nurse Joy recalled her pokemon and left a shocked Brian, Julie, and Melissa behind.

“Great, it’s only been five minutes into the day, and I already want to kill myself!” Julie sighed as the crescendo of laughter from the lobby struck their room.

LAughed about three years of my life back...


“You’re pokemon are ready and fighting fit to go! Except for Slowpoke, who is suffering three brain tumors… Now please take them and kindly leave!” Nurse Joy exclaimed as she brought a tray holding Sunkern and a pokeball containing Melissa’s Shellder. Machop and Slowpoke had walked by her side, one eager to see his trainer and the other eager to have received a free morphine injection.

“Only three brain tumors? Ooh Slowpoke I’m so proud of you! You’re getting extra Remoraid N’ Bits…” Greg lauded in a baby voice rubbing Slowpokes pink ears.

Awww...i so feel the love there!XD


you-know-who

Another Harry Potter reference? XD!


Dean Thomas

Pecunia? sounds too Harry Pottery to me...ah, who the flip cares?! XD!
i loved every moment of it and with next to no spelling errors, your chapter has scored an A-!

(SILENCE HEAVY WITH DESIRE TO MURDER FILLS THE THREAD...)

What? all right then , A++!

well gotta go! I'm outta here!

P.S. Make sure Brian kicks her butt!

Hoenn Warrior
8th April 2006, 4:00 AM
Yes THE BATTLES BEGIN!!! The Pecunia Triplets need their butts handed to them not on a silver platter but a roach infested one. I hope our Heroes can knock them down for Cloud Nine and give them a hard taste of reality. Brian REALLY needs to kick some Pecunia a**, since he lost his first battle aboard the ship, and Julie also needs to kick some Pecunia a** BADLY to settle the long time score with them. If the trio dont settle it here then by time the end of the story it should be settled. But personally I believed the Pecunia's should of gotten the message when there lights were beaten out of them by Julie and the drop kick from Brian in the past. Calling Brian a girl-hitter is pretty weak.

blackemerald
9th April 2006, 7:00 PM
And yet another exellent chapter. The dream scequence was full of lovely description and you developed Julie a bit more. I kinda felt sorry for her, with Brian the main one and Greg the stupid one, she was left in the shade as a character. I agree with everyone about the Pecunia twins, they do need do need to get their butts handed to then before burning. Quickly and painfully.



“Only three brain tumors? Ooh Slowpoke I’m so proud of you! You’re getting extra Remoraid N’ Bits…” Greg lauded in a baby voice rubbing Slowpokes pink ears.

Glad to see the love being shared round there XD



“Great, I get to carry about fatso there…”

“He’s just big-boned…”

Classic fat excusse there.



“M-man, t-this is so e-exhausting…” Greg mumbled as he struggled to drag his feet through the roads.

“Greg, we’ve only been walking ten minutes!” Melissa snapped. The Concert Hall was still visible behind them.

“I know but still…”

Mabye Slowpoke's rubbing off on Greg...

Only one mistake that I can see:


It was a bit of an honor that she found giving a speech to a bunch of pimple-ridden, hormone-drowned tweens important enough to get dressed for.

Take out the W.

~B.E

Saffire Persian
10th April 2006, 1:21 AM
Towering nearly ten feet high was none other than the giant, yellow banana.

Ever played Donkey Kong 64? I'm now getting that odd chorus every time you get a banana. XD



“Wake up, Greg!

COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA! *is smashed by a giant banana.


Not long after, the insane, botox-injected Nurse Joy entered their room with her unnatural grin glued on her face.

XDXDXDXDXD>


“Is there a problem? You children need to get up and ready-Freddy for the day ahead! So get yourselves up and come down for some scrump-diddly-umptious breakfast!” Nurse Joy squealed with a perky expression. Greg responded by groaning and snuggling closer to the floor. From the flush that came to her face, Brian assumed that Nurse Joy did not like being ignored too well. “Sweety, when I say get up, I MEAN GET…UP! BETSY, GO!”

Why do I have the urge to hit her with a mallet? And she needs to stop watching Willy Wonka.



“So that’s it. That’s going to be our journey. I have a question though, as much as we love Slowpoke and all, what are we going to do with the fact that he refuses to go in a PokeBall and the fact that he will probably slow us down?” Brian asked curiously.

XD.. Good question, but methinks he'd hate walking over riding in a pokéball.


“Only three brain tumors? Ooh Slowpoke I’m so proud of you! You’re getting extra Remoraid N’ Bits…” Greg lauded in a baby voice rubbing Slowpokes pink ears.

“Que?”

exactly. What the crap? XD That was random.


“Too bad it ain’t Bruno…that guys the epitome of testosterone? Did you know that Bruno Arganaut lost his virginity before his father? And that there is no such thing as evolution, just pokemon he chooses to live and chooses to die? Furthermore, he frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just not his own…”

Where the heck does Greg get these thoughts?


An extremely intelligent-appearing formal woman had stepped onto the stage, resulting in several wolf-whistles from perverted boys, including you-know-who.

XD...


“So you leave today like little Essax the Wynaut, but I know you will be great like Sally the Salamence when I see all your pimply faces at the end of the year tournament!”

DUDE! The Origin of Storms reference.


Julie then commenced to punch and beat the crap out of Daddy’s Princess whom she had pinned on the floor, shocking everyone in the room. The cronies were too afraid to move, never having anyone physically stand up to them. Brian watched in awe, amazed at the lengths of Julie’s anger.

XDXDXDXDXD *stands up and applauds.*


“Do you guys realize how incredible cheesy this must look?” Greg asked as he walked in a rather cheery manor with a smile that rivaled Nurse Joy’s.

“Yeah, I know.” Brian responded as the sun cast its beams on the sea, resulting in sparkling spots of pure beauty as they headed down the road, into the journey known as life.

Greg so ruined the kodak moment. XDXDXD




Brian caught sight of Julie and Melissa’s hair whipping to and fro violently as the helicopter came into clear sight. He saw a dark glint in Julie’s eyes and soon understood why. There were large platinum colored “P” on the both sides of the helicopter…

XD Oh good heck. If they have a motto...


“Stomping? As if you can raise those five hundred dollar shoes without paying several Orre immigrants to do it for you!” Greg cackled rather proud of his insult.

XD


Shellder’s eyes narrowed in fury, and the other three pokemon (including Slowpoke) started snarling in protest,

XD Dude! He snarls. (Slowpoke)


understanding the severity of the word.

I should hope so.


“You’ll pay for what you called Melissa, you disgusting he-she!” Brian muttered furiously as he marched toward the triplets with Sunkern by his side. When he got within five feet of the velvet carpet, he was jabbed rather ferociously by Sally’s parasol in the stomach.

XD He-she! And a parasol 0-o.

***

Well, another awesome chapter - I especially loved the Nurse. XD And that was one heck of a cat-fight. Greg never ceases to amuse me, and perhaps Brian has some character development on the way. 0_o.. Though those sisters are just too insane for words - so much so I'm ready to jump in and beat the crap out of them, too. XD... They're very annoying.

*secretly hopes they get the royal crap beaten out of them*

As for Julie, she's VERY high on my respect meter now. xD. I never want to get in her way.

Awesome chapter! And I've finally finished this review!

And as the botox-injected Nurse Joy will tell you: REMEMBER THOSE FREAKIN' COMMAS!"

Saki
10th April 2006, 1:32 AM
Amazing, awesome fan fiction ;) keep it coming ;381;

IceKing
12th April 2006, 1:26 AM
BP:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I continue on with my everyday life – going to uni, get stressed by lazy people who are in you project group, get unwanted driving lessons, get writer’s block, get mentally abused by my parents, and planning to attempt suicide in case anything goes wrong – there are only a few things that’s keeping me alive and your fic is one of them.

Allow me to let my quotes do the rest of the reviewing. ^^

...Awww =( Its kind of a compliment that my fic is nice to read...but just remember, if you ever need someone to kick the lazy peoples butts, Im there for you Bud =)




Oh yeah, I noticed that he has issues with that particular fruit. What’s up with that?

Mwah hah hah hah hah....


Whee! Enter the Flanders impressionist!

I wasn't aware it was Flanders at the time; I watch too much Simpsons <_>


Tighty-whities!? What is he? Eight?

Nope, he's Greg


Oh well, better luck next, Greg. *S******s*


Poor guy broke a mirror when he was 8




Nice South Park reference there. ^^

It wasnt....South Park wasnt the first to come up with "fat/big-boned"


The old ‘read the map the wrong way round’ mistake. I like that! XD

Oh yes ^^ Im glad someone has the appreciation for classical humor


O_O There’s something you don’t see or hear every day. How can you not have that ‘B’ censored unlike that other word?

Last but not least, those rich girls are right (BRIAN’S BEEN CENSORED!).

The other word was censored to keep it mysterious...I was expecting everyone to be speculating but I think people figured it out...

AD



Kudos to you Icky! Another beyond cool, cracking my ribs open chappie!


Great, a Breezy Fan...



LAughed about three years of my life back...


Three years 0_0 Dangggg


Another Harry Potter reference? XD!


Alas, no XD Stop saying things are references when they're not people!


Pecunia? sounds too Harry Pottery to me...ah, who the flip cares?! XD!
i loved every moment of it and with next to no spelling errors, your chapter has scored an A-!

(SILENCE HEAVY WITH DESIRE TO MURDER FILLS THE THREAD...)

What? all right then , A++!

well gotta go! I'm outta here!

P.S. Make sure Brian kicks her butt!

Dean Thomas again is not a harry potter reference...Pecunia is Latin for Money which is why it sounds Harry Potterish. Trust me, I was a lot happier with the A- because that means that you accept Im flawed =P As for Brian kicking her butt....

HW:


Yes THE BATTLES BEGIN!!! The Pecunia Triplets need their butts handed to them not on a silver platter but a roach infested one. I hope our Heroes can knock them down for Cloud Nine and give them a hard taste of reality. Brian REALLY needs to kick some Pecunia a**, since he lost his first battle aboard the ship, and Julie also needs to kick some Pecunia a** BADLY to settle the long time score with them. If the trio dont settle it here then by time the end of the story it should be settled. But personally I believed the Pecunia's should of gotten the message when there lights were beaten out of them by Julie and the drop kick from Brian in the past. Calling Brian a girl-hitter is pretty weak.


I particularly loved that bolded line :3 Well everyone can't beat everyones ***, ya know. And this conflict will definetely not be confined to this chapter

BE:



And yet another exellent chapter. The dream scequence was full of lovely description and you developed Julie a bit more. I kinda felt sorry for her, with Brian the main one and Greg the stupid one, she was left in the shade as a character. I agree with everyone about the Pecunia twins, they do need do need to get their butts handed to then before burning. Quickly and painfully.

Julie is the leader of the group...I don't think people have noticed that yet which is why I placed it in an obvious detail XD And as in life, the bad guy cant always have thier butt handed to them


Glad to see the love being shared round there XD


He wuvs his Slowpoke, he just doesnt admit it


Mabye Slowpoke's rubbing off on Greg...

Nah, they're perfect for each other


Take out the W.

Actually no, I mean tweens, not teens XD

SP


Ever played Donkey Kong 64? I'm now getting that odd chorus every time you get a banana. XD


DUUUUUDETTE! THATS MY FAVORITE GAME! HAV MY BABIEZ! And the banana was based off of an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I remmeber that chorus perfectly "oohhhh, banana..."





COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA COMMA! *is smashed by a giant banana.

NEE! *dies*


Why do I have the urge to hit her with a mallet? And she needs to stop watching Willy Wonka.


..Dont hit my favorite charachter wtih a mallet!


XD.. Good question, but methinks he'd hate walking over riding in a pokéball.

Its like choosing whether to be killed by a sledgehammer or a knife. Id personally choose to sledgehammer just because its so friggin awesome



exactly. What the crap? XD That was random.


I <3 the rare random humor


Where the heck does Greg get these thoughts?

It was a parody of Chuck Norris jokes


DUDE! The Origin of Storms reference.


Yeah, I read the first paragraph


Greg so ruined the kodak moment. XDXDXD

As always


XD Oh good heck. If they have a motto...

Thats another guy ^^



Well, another awesome chapter - I especially loved the Nurse. XD And that was one heck of a cat-fight. Greg never ceases to amuse me, and perhaps Brian has some character development on the way. 0_o.. Though those sisters are just too insane for words - so much so I'm ready to jump in and beat the crap out of them, too. XD... They're very annoying.

*secretly hopes they get the royal crap beaten out of them*

As for Julie, she's VERY high on my respect meter now. xD. I never want to get in her way.

Awesome chapter! And I've finally finished this review!

And as the botox-injected Nurse Joy will tell you: REMEMBER THOSE FREAKIN' COMMAS!"

This was the coming out chapter for Julie :3 Brian's charachter development is a bit tuff because quite truthfully, I can't really stand in his shoes as well as the other charachters. But EC has been helping me out with him so its been getting better! Glad you love the Nurse Joy, and keep the drilling the comma rules!

Saki

Thanks for the review! New readers are always nice

IceKing
6th May 2006, 8:17 PM
Here we go! I hate my updating speed but ya know... I hope to get 10 chapters written over the summer. And if you guys want to see what a horror fic by a comedy writer is like, go read A Scarlet Christmas *points to sig*

This chapter I had mixed feelings about. I really liked it after I was finished writing, but hated it after proofing. That usually happens but still...advice will be GREATLY appreciated! Also, theres a picture at the end, if someone could comment on that, I would really love it =P


Oh and thanks for everyone who voted this fic in the Winter Awards! It won Best Comedy Fic! And I won Best Comedy Author o_0

Chapter Five: Arise, typical arrogant, rich rivals!

“Dun dun dun! Let the battle get going!” Greg cried, taking his place right next to Brian with Slowpoke by his side. Brian still remained enraged and ready to take Paige on, whereas Melissa stopped crying and watched the battle with a look of determination on her face. Brian nervously looked back at Julie, whose glare was enough to tell him the consequences of him losing. Sunkern hopped in place, pumping herself up for whatever fearsome opponent she would face.

“Let’s get this started, Gutripper come on out!” Paige exclaimed, tossing a pretty cyan pokeball covered with cute stickers and strings. Brian and Greg exchanged uneasy looks, wondering what kind of strong, violent pokemon would have the name Gutripper.

It was a Teddiursa.

“RAHHH!”

Despite his rather comically cute appearance, Gutripper seemed to be rather vicious. He resembled Bo-Bo, the stuffed bear Greg secretly slept with at night. With tiny sharp claws, beetle-black eyes, and short pointed teeth, he indeed did look a little menacing. In contrast to Sunkern, he actually looked quite intimidating, but the seed pokemon was in no way frightened and growled at her opponent as the typical taunt-fest began.

“Hey Babeh, suck on this!” the Teddiursa mocked, waving a plump thumb in Sunkern’s face.

“Lick this! Right here!’ Sunkern retaliated, protruding her chest out.

“I don’t even want to know… Let’s see what the I-Poke Mini says!” Brian commanded as he took out the wondrous device from his pocket.

“Teddiursa—the Little Bear Pokemon. This pokemon tends to be very hot-headed despite his innocent countenance. It is best for new trainers to run when seeing one, because its much more vicious evolved form, Ursaring, are very protective of their young. This one currently is able to use Scratch, Charm, Fury Swipes, and Lick.”

“What on Earth is THAT thing?” Sally shouted from Paige’s side, eyeing the silver I-Poke in Brian’s hand.

“It’s an I-Poke MINI! The new incredibly advanced model that we are currently testing out whereas you guys are stuck with your obsolete, ginormous I-Poke Silver!” Greg answered, his head held rather high.

“Oh yeah, we had those archaic pieces of crap two months ago. Now we have the I-Poke Infinitesimal, which can hold information on a hundred thousand pokemon and has over three million skins!” Sally said casually, holding out her right hand where there appeared to be a 1x1 inch cube wrapped around her wrist.

Before a dumb-founded Greg could say anything, Paige shouted the first order.

“Gutripper, attack!”

Roaring ferociously, the Teddiursa charged at the seed pokemon, claws brandished in the air and teeth bared in a snarl. Before Brian could command it, Sunkern started to glow green in a Growth attack, preparing her to attack. However, instead of slashing and hacking her apart, Gutripper stopped a few inches away from Sunkern and changed his disposition immediately. His eyes started to water and gained a rather “aww” twinkle while he sucked on this thumb. After a few awkward seconds of this, Teddiursa removed his saliva-covered thumb from his mouth and flashed one of the most adorable smiles Brian had ever seen.

“I wuv u!”

Sunkern couldn’t help but be taken aback by this sudden change in the icky pokemon. Rather than wanting to tear of his limps one by one, she instead had a sudden urge to give him a big hug and smother him with oodles of kisses, assuming she had arms of course. She felt herself weakening and didn’t notice the hidden evil glint in her opponent’s eye…

“Don’t worry! Charm doesn’t affect special attacks like Mega Drain!” Greg shouted to Brian, who was beginning to lose his nerve. In spite of themselves, everyone, including the battling pokemon, looked up in confusion at Greg. “What? Just because I’m comic relief doesn’t mean I have no brains whatsoever! Unrealistic little canon break—“

“Anyways, Sunkern use Mega Drain!”

Still in wub with the adorable Teddiursa, Sunkern burst into a golden aura and began to screw her eyes shut as she focused her attack onto Gutripper. Not allowing himself to be so easily struck, the Teddiursa returned to his normal nasty disposition and slashed his opponent across her chest. Brian gave a yelp of fright as Sunkern came sliding back toward him, three dark green marks fresh across her chest. The seed pokemon hopped to her feet once more, panting heavily and determined to get revenge.

“Good job Gutripper! Now, lick lick lick her from her head down to her toes!”

Sunkern, still recovering from the Scratch attack, didn’t have nearly good enough reflexes to dodge the attack. A rather perverted smile spread across the Teddiursa’s face as he licked his lips slowly, and his nearly four inch tongue hanging out by his neck, charged toward the vulnerable Sunkern. Despite Brian’s pleads to get out of the way, Sunkern only watched in horror as Gutripper tackled her to the ground, and the perverted grin still glued on his face, licked her entire body slowly.

”Ohh…uggg…haaa…” Sunkern shuddered as the bear’s thick saliva ran through each of her body pores. All the Cianwoodians cringed in tune with Sunkern while the Pecunias laughed madly at the creepy Teddiursa violating her. The seed pokemon could only take so much and before Teddiursa could go for a second lick, she leaped up and chomped down on his tongue as far as her barely visible teeth would allow.

“AHHH!” Teddiursa began to run around in circles, Sunkern maintaining a firm grip on his tongue. His pink tongue was turning dark purple as it began to strain with about two pounds of grass pokemon. The positions were switched as the Cianwoodians had tears streaming down their eyes at the comical sight while the Pecunias cringed, afraid that Gutripper’s tongue would tear from place. Paige repeatedly ordered her pokemon to attack Sunkern, but he knew better since adding anymore force onto his tongue could very well have caused it to tear off.

Finally, after a good ninety seconds, Sunkern could hold on no longer and fell from Gutripper’s tongue, leaving it hanging several inches lower than before. While Gutripper massaged his aching tongue, Sunkern had her own malicious smile as she glared at him from behind, landing perfectly several feet behind him. Her eyes moved back to meet Brian’s who was also grinning.

“Mega Drain!”

Before Brian could even cry “Drain”, a strange golden aura covered both the whimpering Gutripper and the proud Sunkern. Catching sight of his glowing arm, Gutripper ceased to caress his aching tongue and began to examine his body to see the aura burning brightly and softball sized golden spheres flying from his chest towards Sunkern. As his stamina began to diminish rapidly, the Teddiursa started clawing himself, desperate for the attack to stop. Paige was certainly no help as she encouraged his strange behavior, never one to pay attention in Battling class.

“I am turning you into an alien,” Sunkern cackled darkly, struggling to keep a straight face.

Though they very much wanted to, the bystanders were not able to laugh at this moment as Paige unfortunately regained her composure quickly.

“Hold on a second! If you can attack yourself, then you can attack Sunkern! Use Fury Swipes on Sunkern!” Paige ordered.

Teddiursa snapped out the suicide attempt, and although very weak and covered in long, red marks, launched his claws at Sunkern, who was too busy snickering under her breath to notice. The bear pokemon went berserk and furiously slashed once—Sun!—twice—Kern!—thrice—Moo…!

“Sunkern, use Absorb; he doesn’t have much power left!” Brian shouted, wincing as multiple new dark green marks appeared across Sunkern’s chest. He began to perspire heavily. What would Sunkern think of him as a trainer if he lost two battles in a row?

Sunkern shut her eyes calmly and began to strain with all her might to attack, but could not manage to successfully launch her attack. Taking advantage of her failure, Teddiursa sent Sunkern flying to Brian’s feet with one finalizing swipe. Although the odds looked bad, Sunkern managed to leap up and stay in the match. Both pokemon were panting heavily; the next move could decide it.

“Come on, Brian you can beat that man ho!” Julie cheered. Paige wanted desperately to retaliate, but Sally stopped her.

“Don’t worry Paige! I’ll take care of her in my battle with her!” Sally assured.

“ABSORB!”

“LICK!”

Sunkern tried desperately to absorb Teddiursa’s health, but she failed for the second time. It seemed that the saliva damp in her pores had paralyzing attributes. Teddiursa beamed while he rushed toward the seed pokemon with his sore tongue hanging out once more, huffing like a comic book fan in a female Swedish Gymnast’s changing room.

“Papa’s comin’ back for a second lick!” Teddiursa declared with his eyebrows raised in a seductive manner.

The power of fear then kicked in. Sunkern’s eyes widened in horror, and she finally managed to perform the Absorb attack. Teddiursa immediately flashed a light green, but was too intent on catching his prey to notice. When his tongue was nearly an inch away from Sunkern’s chest, a tiny green bubble popped out of his chest and into Sunkern.

Sunkern felt a slight increase in health and beamed herself as Teddiursa’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he collapsed onto the floor. The small stamina sucked out of the bear pokemon was more than enough to knock him facedown with his eyes swirling. Paige stared at the fallen pokemon in disbelief while Brian and Sunkern exchanged wide grins. It was their first win.

“WOOHOO! WE DID IT SUNKERN! That was easy!” Brian exclaimed, picking Sunkern up and head-banging her after chest-bumping Greg. Machop stole Sunkern from Brian, and they too celebrated her first victory in glee. Melissa and Julie jumped from the park bench and pushed Greg out of the way so that they could hug Brian. The poor carrot-top flushed a rather deep puce as he was bound with four female arms. Steam nearly hissed out of his ears after Melissa planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks for standing up to me, Brian.”

“No problem.”

“This isn’t over! Best out of three! Grace, pulverize Gary!” Sally demanded, breaking up the cheesy after-victory while struggling to hold back and enraged Paige, who was shouting words such as “fluke” and “cheater” and “purple monkey dishwasher.”

“No comedy Greg, Slowpoke is a good pokemon, take care of Grace and Sally is mine,” Julie muttered to her twin, the happiness in her voice replaced with a dangerous severity.

“Yeah Sis, I’ll make sure she breaks more than a nail,” Greg responded, adding a wink. Melissa was considerably happier than before and stayed with Julie at Greg’s side while an exhausted Brian returned to the park bench. Sunkern and Machop had to retrieve Slowpoke who wandered off to a swing set long before without anyone noticing his absence.

“Alright Slowpoke, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but we need to win this battle!” Greg muttered to his pokemon, whose eyes looked rather glazed.

“I like you…” Slowpoke droned and turned to face a very pretty girl in a golden sun dress who was holding a parasol over her head and treading the soil as if it was lava. She held out a dangerously hot pink ball in her hand and was muttering something to herself. The water pokemon looked at the strange ball curiously; perhaps it had food inside.

“Fannypoo, come on out!” Grace shouted, tossing her pokeball to the ground. The twins exchanged a smirk, wondering what sort of sissy pokemon would be named Fannypoo. Needless to say, they were right.

“PHANPY PHANPY PHANPY PHANPY PHANPY!” Fannypoo yelped repeatedly as he immediately began to run around in circles, off the wall hyper.

The Phanpy was indeed one of the…oddest….pokemon Greg had ever seen, excluding his own pokemon form. Like Teddiursa, he resembled Ga-Ga, Greg’s stuffed elephant that he snuggled with whenever he felt sad. He had tough, cobalt skin and hoofed feet, his most prominent features being his long nose and floppy red tipped ears. Sunkern and Machop (now seated on either side of Brian) exchanged worrisome looks, for they alone understood what the ecstatically hyper pokemon was shouting.

“CRACK! CRACK! GIMME CRACK! CRAAACK!” Phanpy cried in one breath, now leaping onto Grace’s dress and digging his hoofs into her dress, desperately looking for crack.

“Eww! Get em off me! Quick Sally, get that deluxe Columbian pokemon food!” Grace shrieked as she attempted feebly to drive her insane pokemon away by poking him in the eye with her parasol.

“Here you go Phanpy! Man, what is with that stuff?” Sally mumbled after pulling out a label-less can from her purse and dumping its white powdery contents several feet in front of her. Phanpy was immediately on the “food” and rather than gulping it up, he seemed to snort it all up his long nose in less than two seconds. After every single speck of the “food” had disappeared (including several clumps of soil) into his nose, Fannypoo stopped fidgeting and came to a standstill for a full thirty seconds, while his right eyelid twitched very slowly.

“Dude…pah….Purty….pah…Colors…heh…” Fannypoo muttered, swaying lethargically and seeming indifferent to everything around him. The humans watched with curious expressions, Sunkern and Machop, the only ones knowing what was going on, looked rather grim, while Slowpoke had curled up and slept a long time back.

“Slowpoke! Wake up! If you win, I’ll let you chew on my hair!” Greg ordered his pokemon, giving him a good kick in the side. Slowpoke slowly raised himself to his feet and gave a great big yawn before shaking his head vigorously and readying himself for battle, willing to do anything just to go back to sleep.

“Looks like neither pokemon in this battle is very bright, Sunkern,” Brian said to his pokemon, who nodded without listening, still in shock from what she had seen.

“Slowpoke! Use a Curse attack!” Greg commanded. The pink bear pokemon gave one more enormous yawn and shut his eyes tightly trying to attack. He began to turn slightly red as if trying to release a rather hard bowel.

“Fannypoo, Tackle that Lardo!” Grace commanded. The elephant pokemon was still busy in Nirvana and not taking in a single word Grace said. “FANNYPOO!” The order snapped him back into reality temporarily. Muttering mutinously, he flung himself blindly at Slowpoke, and ended up landing five feet diagonally from the constipated bear.

“This isn’t working! Slowpoke ain’t angry enough!” Greg moaned. Julie and Melissa had scoffed in unison; chances were that this battle would go nowhere. Greg rushed over to his pokemon’s pink tail and raised his foot as high as he could before Sally interrupted him.

“Wait a second; you know physically interfering with a pokemon during a battle is against the rules right?”

Greg groaned, and the two pathetic pokemon stopped their pathetic attempts to attack and resumed to their sluggish activities. Though Grace wasn’t too keen on battling, she did not want to look like a fool in front of her sisters and began to flush even worse than Greg.

“Please Fanny, stop this nonsense and kick that Slowpoke’s shiny pink heiny!” she pleaded desperately.

Fannypoo half-listened once more and languidly shot himself at the bear pokemon. Of course, he missed again, but to Greg’s good fortune, he landed on Slowpoke’s tail. Slowpoke’s head immediately perked up and his eyes began to glow red. He was ready to battle and turned to face the pokemon, who was curled up in a snoring, blue ball on his tail.

“There we go Slowpoke! Water Gun!” Greg cried.

Opening his large mouth wide, Slowpoke fired a torrent of rushing water from his mouth which finally snapped Fannypoo out of Nirvana and into the battle. The Phanpy screeched as the water pelted him squarely in the face and sent him flying back, drowning in the pillar of foaming madness.

“Eeek! Fannypoo doesn’t like water!” Grace yelped, with her manicured hands covering her mouth. The drenched elephant shook violently to remove the water and was back to normal and looking furious. “All right Fanny let’s try a Flail attack!”

“Slowpoke use Curse!” Greg retaliated.

Fannypoo took a deep breath and flung himself at Slowpoke who glowed white and weakened the blow as the Phanpy struck him squarely in the side. Although Curse raised his defenses, Slowpoke still trembled as the attacked made impact.

“Flail is stronger the more my Phanpy Wanpy is hurt,” Grace proclaimed. Fannypoo dug his front paw into the Earth and taunted Slowpoke.

“Je dévorerai votre âme!” Slowpoke responded ferociously. Taking a deep breath, he glared down at a frightened Fannypoo with flashing rainbow eyes.

“Rainbow? Ra-ra-rainbow? Well, I can’t say I’m surprised Slowpoke. Don’t worry I have nothing against you if you like other guy pokemon,” Greg muttered incoherently, trying not to burst out laughing. Melissa and Julie’s heads immediately fell.

Slowpoke opened his mouth wide and released many tiny purple rings of psychic energy that rammed the Fannypoo back to his side of the field. Little imaginary ducks flew around the Phanpy’s head as he swayed like he was on the Columbian pokemon food again.

“Slowpoke must have learned Confusion. If he’s pumped enough, he can control small objects!” Julie mumbled to Melissa, while Greg continued to ramble about the cute Octillery boy who lived down the block.

“Rock on Slowpoke! You know, you’re not half bad even if you are…ya know,” Greg said with his eyes streaming in pride. Slowpoke ignored the idiot and prepared for Fannypoo’s next move.

“Come on Phanpy snap out of it! Try a Mud Slap attack!” Grace commanded anxiously. Phanpy did indeed use a Mud Slap attack, but didn’t bother to turn around so Slowpoke would get the blow. Instead, he reared up his back legs and kicked large amounts of dirt onto Grace’s yellow dress.

The park suddenly became very silent as everyone watched Grace hold onto her precious dress with her eyes bulging and her mouth gaping. The beautiful Morticia Dearborn golden dress she wore was now covered in large, ugly dirt stains.

“I think polka dots look very pretty on you if you ask me!” Greg snickered, breaking the silence. The silence was broken even further as Grace let out a giant roar similar to that of an Ursaring’s.

“YOU STUPID ELEPHANT! MY DRESS! MY BEAUTIFUL DRESS!” Grace wailed clutching onto her ruined dress.

“Shut up Grace! We have four more of those in the helicopter!” Sally screamed over Grace’s thunderous howling. Everyone, including the pokemon, corked their fingers into their aching ears.

“WAHHH! WAHHH! MY DRESS! FANNYPOO, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” Grace shrieked. She held her parasol high above her head and began to charge the confused pokemon. When the Phanpy caught sight of the enraged teenage girl with a deep bloodlust, he snapped out of his confusion and began to run for it
.
Grace was going at an amazing lightning speed that confused everyone, and Phanpy ended up curling up into a ball and rolled as quickly as he could to outrun her. Unfortunately, Slowpoke was on their path.

“Ach scheißt..,” he cried as the blue blur came hurtling toward him. Fidgeting nervously, he sent out a stream of water in desperation, but was too nervous to aim accurately and ended up hitting Grace instead.

Everyone winced as Grace stopped abruptly. Her dress was not only covered in dirt, it was soaked as well. Her eyes began to twitch violently, and she soon started to resemble Carrie. Grace let out another screech of horror that was heard all throughout the park as she changed targets and began to charge at Slowpoke instead.

Slowpoke tried to run, but was far too chunky and passed out after two feet. Phanpy helped out a bit when he crashed into Slowpoke, sending the poor bear pokemon flying nearly fifteen feet, and crashing into him again as soon as he landed. Grace chased the two out of sight into the nearby woods.

“COME BACK MISSUS!” the butler cried after a long period of relative silence before he went off to chase the three.

“What…was…that?” Greg asked in amazement. No one had an answer for him.

“Want to go save Slowpoke?” Brian and Melissa asked Greg after the shock wore off.

“Sure why not,” Greg said indifferently. The two boys, Melissa, and Paige ran after the other three, leaving Sally and Julie behind. They exchanged evil eyes and walked toward each other.

“So it’s just you and me?” Julie asked casually, giving a nod to Machop’s direction.

“So happy together…” Sally smirked, revealing the silver pokeball clutched in her hands.

Sunkern gave a nod toward Machop who knew his battle was coming up. Both sighed exasperated; for once they would like to make their trainers beat up the trainers of pokemon they didn’t like. The two marched toward Julie, Sunkern remaining several feet behind while Machop stood proudly next to Julie. With a quick flash of light, Sally’s pokemon was revealed, a Dratini. Dratini was indeed much more formidable than a Teddiursa or Phanpy. She had a long teal snake-like body with a white underbelly and floated in mid-air, an invisible atmosphere of mysticism burning strongly around her. Fluffy, tufted white ears hung on either side of her black eyes while a faint humming sound emitted from her pure white lipless-mouth.

“Presenting, Dratini, one of the rarest pokemon in Johto, purchased for several hundred thousand dollars from the Dragon’s Den,” Sally declared as she started to rub Dratini’s ears affectionately.

“Presenting, Machop, a commoner fighting-type who will snap that Dragon in two!” Julie riposted, grasping a suffocating Machop rather tightly by the neck.

Machop couldn’t help but be in awe by the graceful dragon pokemon, who looked at him not with some angry glare, but a noble gaze that showed respect. Machop couldn’t help crack a grin with how different the pokemon was from her trainer and returned her noble gaze with a low bow.

“Our masters may have mistaken motives, but do not dare to hold back because I promise I will not.” The Dratini stated sternly, slithering through the air around Sally.

“Good, I’ll hold you to that promise!”

“Dratini—the Draconic pokemon. It sheds many layers of skin as it grows larger, and due to its mystic nature, considered the most prized pokemon of Kanto. This one currently is able to use—”

“Dratini, Wrap!” Sally shouted briskly, not allowing the I-Poke Mini to finish. Her abruptness took both Julie and Machop by surprise. His master pointing to the battlefield, Machop leaped into the field, hands out and ready to dodge the Dratini. The Dragon blurred across the park and before Machop could strike, she had her body firmly constricted around his body, suffocating him and immobilizing him.

“Like that, don’t ya?”

Machop grew increasingly purple as his powerful muscles strained heavily as he attempted to force the Dratini off of him, but her grip was getting tighter while his muscles were getting weaker. Appalled by Sally’s early lead, Julie’s mind was at a blank , and she could only stand and watch her Machop entering his early defeat before something spat out of her mouth.

“Don’t tell me all those hours at Chuck’s have been for nothing!”
Her encouragement at mind, a newfound power surged through Machop’s veins as he managed to gradually pry the Dratini off of him. The dragon pokemon, though struggling, kept a firm grip until Machop glared at her with shining, red eyes, causing her to loosen her defenses even further. With one final grunt, Machop spread his arms fully and the Dratini fell with a splat onto the grass.

“Karate Chop!”

“Dodge!”

Muscles still aching, Machop brought down his palm toward the Dragon pokemon’s head before she rolled over just in time. In the two seconds Machop’s palm was stuck in dirt, Dratini’s thick teal tail had come hurtling through the air and struck the fighting pokemon square in his right temple, sending him flying several feet with stars bright in his eyes.

“Machop, her reflexes are amazing, and she’s taking advantage of all your recovery moments! You have to be alert every single second, if you even hear a small fluttering, attack!” Julie lectured carefully, studying the movements of the pokemon.

“Finish this off Dratini!” Sally commanded calmly, twiddling her parasol in her fingers.

Dratini rocketed into the skies above until she was masked in the blue expanses. Machop was still cradling his head with the stars fresh in his eyes, unaware of what was going on. He knew he would not be able to see again for several minutes and instead had to rely on his ears. He blocked out the tiny distractions of birds chirpings and enraged teenagers screaming in the distance until only one sound remained. It was a powerful rushing noise, like an airplane or a rocket. He was surprised he didn’t get struck by it yet. It was slowly progressing to the point where he could barely hear it. The noise was going faster than the speed of sound…

Machop immediately send all his focus back to his left arm and eyes as he snapped back into reality. Only a few feet away from him was Dratini, plummeting through the air at an unimaginable speed. Her snake-like body was blazing in mysterious silver light and fiery energy blazed from her tail as she rocketed through the air toward the fighting pokemon. He had barely a split second to react.

“How do you like Extremespeed? My Dratini is one of four non-Arcanine pokemon in the world that can use it!” Sally cackled as Dratini burned the very air itself with her speed.

Machop raised his left elbow in a ninety degree angle in front of his chest as his only means of protection from the attack. He winced knowing the incredible pain that was about to shoot through his entire body…

BAM! In less than a second, Dratini’s attack had made impact, straight onto Machop’s elbow.

Machop’s elbow shattered into pieces as the force of Dratini’s body going at hundreds of miles per hour crashed into it. The fighting pokemon let out a cry of agony as his left arm flung backwards. Pain blasted all throughout his arm as his elbow throbbed in unbearable agony. He looked down at his left arm; his elbow had been pushed back several inches until it was protruding from the other side. He could feel the pieces of broken bone piercing his flesh; if he moved his arm, it was very probable that a jagged piece of bone would tear through his blue-gray skin.

Dratini was even more injured. Machop’s elbow struck her straight in between her eyes as she reached nearly five hundred miles per hour. Her brain sent nervous twitches all throughout the dragon pokemon’s body, and her vision was fully damaged. Everything appeared completely disoriented, and she couldn’t even think straight with the massive dizziness. If it had been any other pokemon who was struck between the eyes, he would have been dead before you could say Muk.

Machop was too deep in suffering to say a word as he panted, unable to move his eyes from his deformed arm. Sunkern who watched the battle nervously and jumped to his side and was attempting feebly to do a reverse-Mega Drain attack to heal his shattered elbow.

“Drutini Dru Dru Blah blee bleh niii,” Dratini groaned with her eyes rolling around their sockets.

“Hey Jules! That third Rollout attack knocked Slowpoke out, so technically Phanpy is the winner, and Grace fell into a big pile of twigs and is all bloody, and now their Butler and Paige are trying to get her to be quiet and…whoa…” Melissa cried in one breath as she came into view with Brian and Greg lagging not too far behind her, a passed out Slowpoke balanced on their shoulders.

Julie who had watched the scene in utter horror ran to her Machop’s side and though very much wanting to somehow console his pain, didn’t dare to touch him in fear of only increasing his pain. Her eyes were streaming as she could only stand and watch the agonizing howls of her Machop, whose tears of pain could not be held back. “Machop! What’s wrong with you? Oh God…this is all my fault…”

“This battle is not over! They may be injured, but neither are out cold!” Sally snarled maliciously, perspiring heavily in fear of losing to Julie. Dratini struggled to her belly, unable to float steadily. Julie stood to her feet, obviously suffering in a deep dilemma. After a moment of steady thinking, Julie regained her composure and turned to Machop. “Get up, we’re finishing this!”

“NO!” The other three Cianwoodians cried in unison while Sally smiled.

Machop looked up at his master sadly, he was in way too much pain to battle, but he really did not want to disappoint Julie who was always so nice…Despite Sunkern’s warnings, the fighting type rose to his feet, wincing horribly as he felt the shattered bones in his elbow quiver ominously. Julie refused to even look at her pokemon, she was too busy returning Sally’s glare. This was too much for Brian who left Greg to balance two hundred pound of Slowpoke on his shoulders and ran toward Julie while Melissa gazed in shock.

“Julie! NO! You’re not doing this!” Brian cried running in between Dratini and Machop.

“Get out of the way, Brian. I’m finishing this!” Julie sobbed, obviously still torn with herself.

“Yeah! Move it Carrot-Top!” Sally agreed, grinning at Julie’s pain sadistically.

“Why Julie? WHY? Is hurting your enemies more important than loving your friends? Revenge will only drive you to insanity, you will never be satisfied! What’s even worse is when you drag someone else into a battle they’re not fighting! Machop is not your slave, he’s your friend and you can’t force him to battle Sally for your own selfish desires! You are the most intelligent of all three of us, how can you do this? How dare you? HOW DARE YOU!” Brian bellowed angrily, spraying spit on Julie’s face as he jabbed his finger into her chest. Everyone was taken back by Brian’s sudden burst of confidence and expected to see him get his head torn off, but quite the opposite happened.

Julie cried. She covered her eyes and starting to bawl harder than she ever had before. Guilt shredded her soul apart as it cascaded from her large eyes, and manifested itself into the face of a suffering Machop. Wrapping her arms around Brian, Julie continued to sob for minutes as Melissa and Greg stared awkwardly. Unsure of what to do, Brian began to silently pat Julie on her back before he returned her hug. Soon, Paige, Jeeves, and a bumbling Grace returned from the forest, and they too witnessed the event. Sally had her own tears of joy forming at the corner of her eyes as she watched the breaking of her enemy vindictively.

“I-i- F-f-forfo-fe-it. I-i for-feit!” Julie mumbled after abruptly releasing Brian.

“Sorry, can you say that louder? I didn’t hear you,” Sally asked in an obviously phony curious tone.

Julie started to bawl harder than before and dug her face into Brian’s chest once more. Paige joined Sally in their guffaws as they deliciously ate up the scene. Greg and Melissa ran to Julie as well to join Brian in consoling her. Machop was exchanging painful looks with Sunkern; he wanted to console Julie as well but could barely move.

“Aww, wook ad da wittle baby. I tink da baby needs her bottle!” Paige taunted in her very annoying baby voice. At this, Julie began to sob even harder while the other three only became angrier. But they dared not to say anything, Julie was in pain and that was more important than hurting the Pecunias.

“Dratini, return. We have no time for losers like these. Start the helicopter, Jeeves. We’re leaving this dump, sisters. And may you four get devoured by a giant Gyarados!” Sally commanded in her powerful booming voice. Soon, the vindictive sisters were in their helicopter, and ten gusty minutes later were permanently out of sight.

Julie finally regained her composure and let Brian free after nearly fifteen minutes. She then ignored the humans and went straight to Machop, carrying a look of deep apology. Her lips moved to speak, but Machop silenced them with one of his fingers and with his one good arm, pulled her into a deep hug.

And from that day forth, as they finally headed into the forest, the four trainers vowed to never use their pokemon as tools of hate ever again.


Oh and there was probably a real pretty sunset too....


CHARACHTER PICTURE TIME!

Its everyones favorite part of Whirl Island Quest! Laughing at IceKing's horrible drawing abilities! HAHAHHAHAH!


Julie and Machop:http://img181.imageshack.us/my.php?image=apsheet0061bz.png


Also, this was a rather amusing review to my fic back in PE2K (where not a single person likes it)


STOP!!!!! THE TITLE IS BAD! unBEARably SEXY IS A OFFENSVE TITLE!!! Anyone who can lock this, please LOCK IT!!!!

PDL
6th May 2006, 8:56 PM
well, that was a better battle, hopefully we won't see those girls again... they fall of a cliff onto jagged rocks right?


“Good job Gutripper! Now, lick lick lick her from her head down to her toes!”

God I hate this song so much...

I wanted to use it as a Lickitung mating song in my fic ;_;

Sike Saner
8th May 2006, 2:21 AM
Omg...Fannypoo was just...wow. XDDDD Good ol' crack....

o_o Wait...uh, I mean, good ol' you. Yeah.

Anyway, there was Fannypoo, and there was also that pervy Gutripper. Blehh...icky sicky pervy ol' bear. It was funny as hell, though, in that wonderfully impure way. Which is always delightful. ^^

Good battle scenes, too. I particularly liked the Machop vs. Dratini fight; Extremespeed was terrifically described, and the damage dealt in that battle was written in a way that made it perfectly clear that those hits hurt.

Highlights:


Chapter Five: Arise, typical arrogant, rich rivals!

LMFWCAO at that title. XD


“Hey Babeh, suck on this!” the Teddiursa mocked, waving a plump thumb in Sunkern’s face.

“Lick this! Right here!’ Sunkern retaliated, protruding her chest out.

Nice. XD


“It’s an I-Poke MINI! The new incredibly advanced model that we are currently testing out whereas you guys are stuck with your obsolete, ginormous I-Poke Silver!” Greg answered, his head held rather high.

I love the word “ginormous”. ^^


However, instead of slashing and hacking her apart, Gutripper stopped a few inches away from Sunkern and changed his disposition immediately. His eyes started to water and gained a rather “aww” twinkle while he sucked on this thumb. After a few awkward seconds of this, Teddiursa removed his saliva-covered thumb from his mouth and flashed one of the most adorable smiles Brian had ever seen.

“I wuv u!”

Sunkern couldn’t help but be taken aback by this sudden change in the icky pokemon. Rather than wanting to tear of his limps one by one, she instead had a sudden urge to give him a big hug and smother him with oodles of kisses, assuming she had arms of course. She felt herself weakening and didn’t notice the hidden evil glint in her opponent’s eye…

Best and most entertaining description of Charm that there ever was and likely will ever be. I especially like the specific use of “I wuv u!” ^^


“Don’t worry! Charm doesn’t affect special attacks like Mega Drain!” Greg shouted to Brian, who was beginning to lose his nerve. In spite of themselves, everyone, including the battling pokemon, looked up in confusion at Greg. “What? Just because I’m comic relief doesn’t mean I have no brains whatsoever! Unrealistic little canon break—“

XDDDD


“Good job Gutripper! Now, lick lick lick her from her head down to her toes!”

…That’s a severely creepy command, there. O~o


A rather perverted smile spread across the Teddiursa’s face as he licked his lips slowly, and his nearly four inch tongue hanging out by his neck, charged toward the vulnerable Sunkern. Despite Brian’s pleads to get out of the way, Sunkern only watched in horror as Gutripper tackled her to the ground, and the perverted grin still glued on his face, licked her entire body slowly.

”Ohh…uggg…haaa…” Sunkern shuddered as the bear’s thick saliva ran through each of her body pores. All the Cianwoodians cringed in tune with Sunkern while the Pecunias laughed madly at the creepy Teddiursa violating her.

…Wow. XD

Your description of Lick is as good as your description of Charm. Maybe even better.


The bear pokemon went berserk and furiously slashed once—Sun!—twice—Kern!—thrice—Moo…!

…Moo. XPPPPPP


“Come on, Brian you can beat that man ho!” Julie cheered.

MAN HO!!! XDDDD


“Papa’s comin’ back for a second lick!” Teddiursa declared with his eyebrows raised in a seductive manner.

…Ew. XP


“I like you…” Slowpoke droned and turned to face a very pretty girl in a golden sun dress who was holding a parasol over her head and treading the soil as if it was lava.

Good ol’ Slowpoke. ^^


“CRACK! CRACK! GIMME CRACK! CRAAACK!” Phanpy cried in one breath, now leaping onto Grace’s dress and digging his hoofs into her dress, desperately looking for crack.

O_O

XDDDDDDDDDD


“Slowpoke! Wake up! If you win, I’ll let you chew on my hair!”

Boss incentive there, Greg. XD


“Please Fanny, stop this nonsense and kick that Slowpoke’s shiny pink heiny!” she pleaded desperately.

That word is invariably hilarious.


Machop’s elbow shattered into pieces as the force of Dratini’s body going at hundreds of miles per hour crashed into it. The fighting pokemon let out a cry of agony as his left arm flung backwards. Pain blasted all throughout his arm as his elbow throbbed in unbearable agony. He looked down at his left arm; his elbow had been pushed back several inches until it was protruding from the other side. He could feel the pieces of broken bone piercing his flesh; if he moved his arm, it was very probable that a jagged piece of bone would tear through his blue-gray skin.

Ooooh, gruesome! ^^


“Drutini Dru Dru Blah blee bleh niii,” Dratini groaned with her eyes rolling around their sockets.

I’m sorry, but I cracked up laughing when I read that. XD I could actually hear a Dratini saying that.


And from that day forth, as they finally headed into the forest, the four trainers vowed to never use their pokemon as tools of hate ever again.


Oh and there was probably a real pretty sunset too....

You always seem to know exactly the best note to go out on. I love that. ^^


Very entertaining chapter, that. Oh, and I like the Julie and Machop pic, too. But, you already knew that. ^^

cyndaquil_dratini
8th May 2006, 12:06 PM
Hey Iceking, fingers crossed, CD's review time, what criticisms has he this time?

Well, a couple. I think its when you devote entire chapters to battles that I begin to lose interest. This chapter was so long- and a twenty million page chapter isn't too long if it doesn't feel like it's too long, you know what I mean? I did like your characterisation of the *****y girls, whose names I've forgotten. dratini is my favourite ever pokemon, so you get tons of kudos for that. But by that point, the only factor that kept me reading this was that it was a Dratini Sally was using. Teediursa was described well. I laughed lots at Fannypoo. Theres only so much action a chapter can have in it- and there is a really, really big difference in the way you use action in a movie, or in an anime, and in writing- because action takes a lot longer to describe than it does to imagine. This action was, I felt, dragging the chapter down; and you tend to do that every time theres a battle scene. Try and get to the point as quickly as possible, and spend as little space as you can describing attacks and so forth- that doesnt mean dont describe them, but use short, effective words.

Slowking was very funny in this chapter- I'm not sure about the gay references, I didn't think that was really much of a joke, but I loved the way he speaks in all different languages, that cracks me up. Him and Fannypoo were cool.

The end was...hmmm...it was moving...it was....odd. It was very odd. To do an ending like that, I think you need a lot more buildup than you had there, and I think the pain of those attacks was described way too well- thats disgusting, there shouldnt be things that make you feel that in pain in a comedy fic. The moral seemed a little cheezy, greg's outburst. Perhaps a refence to that earlier on would have made it make a little more sense, the build up of his anger reaching a peak? Your last line was brilliant, but came way too late. Thigns started getting a little too serious there, I think.

The jokes in this chapter were funny, the characterisations you have of your pokemon now is great; I felt like the humans were a little corny, onesided, predictable, specially Greg. Your battles take up way way too much time, I'd really like to see you cut them down, because I had to read this chapter in two sittings, since it was so long- and I think so long describing the same thing, too. Your style of comedy needs to really roll along to work well; you know youve done much better than this.

Cool. Okay, well, I do love your fic, and I'm interested to see what adventures these guys will get up to next *insert same corny sunset*, so I await the next chapter keenly.

indigestible_wad
9th May 2006, 1:53 AM
I have a lot to do so I'll keep this thing short and sweet.

Part one

I just wuv you!” Julie squealed as she hugged her fighting pokemon as hard as he could, who looked embarrassed at Sunkern. He? You said she before.

“Too bad it ain’t Bruno…that guys the epitome of testosterone? Did you know that Bruno Arganaut lost his virginity before his father? And that there is no such thing as evolution, just pokemon he chooses to live and chooses to die? Furthermore, he frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just not his own…” Greg started rambling.Chuck Norris facts are awesome.

If an angry Tauros charging at you at sixty miles per hour,Verb plz.

the foursome of Cianwood were finally read to set off into their journey, ready

Part two

“I wuv u!”On paper, it's not very funny, but imagining it is.

“purple monkey dishwasher.”For some stange reason I keep on thinking I've seen or heard that somewhere. I don't remember where though.

Greg ordered his pokemon, giving him a good kick in the side. Slowpoke slowly raised himself to his feetWouldn't it sound better if slowpoke took five seconds before he did anything?

You know, people like the triplets just need to be laughed at because all they can do is insult someone through unintelligent speech. Comebacks are always nice. I have had a few experiences with people I didn't enjoy. While comebacks generally don't help, saying something like "thank you" out of the blue very loudly or finding some way to show that you don't really care what they say goes a long way.

Brian Powell
9th May 2006, 11:51 AM
Enjoyed it. Absolutely enjoyed it. Once again, I’ll let the quotes do the talking.


Roaring ferociously, the Teddiursa charged at the seed pokemon, claws brandished in the air and teeth bared in a snarl. Before Brian could command it, Sunkern started to glow green in a Growth attack, preparing her to attack. However, instead of slashing and hacking her apart, Gutripper stopped a few inches away from Sunkern and changed his disposition immediately. His eyes started to water and gained a rather “aww” twinkle while he sucked on this thumb. After a few awkward seconds of this, Teddiursa removed his saliva-covered thumb from his mouth and flashed one of the most adorable smiles Brian had ever seen.

“I wuv u!”

Sunkern couldn’t help but be taken aback by this sudden change in the icky pokemon. Rather than wanting to tear of his limps one by one, she instead had a sudden urge to give him a big hug and smother him with oodles of kisses, assuming she had arms of course. She felt herself weakening and didn’t notice the hidden evil glint in her opponent’s eye…
LOL! That’s very good! Great description of the Charm attack.


“Papa’s comin’ back for a second lick!” Teddiursa declared with his eyebrows raised in a seductive manner.
Ugly! XP


“Thanks for standing up to me, Brian.”
Don’t you mean…

“Thanks for standing up for me, Brian.”

The Slowpoke Vs Phanpy battle was my most favourite.

“Alright Slowpoke, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but we need to win this battle!” Greg muttered to his pokemon, whose eyes looked rather glazed.

“I like you…” Slowpoke droned
LOL. It’s like talking to a dumbo. XP


“Fannypoo, come on out!” Grace shouted
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Fannypoo! HAHAHA!


“CRACK! CRACK! GIMME CRACK! CRAAACK!” Phanpy cried in one breath, now leaping onto Grace’s dress and digging his hoofs into her dress, desperately looking for crack.
The girls don’t actually know the stuff actually is, right? Still… XD


“Slowpoke! Wake up! If you win, I’ll let you chew on my hair!”
Greg, what a way to encourage a pokemon, *Thumb’s up*


Muttering mutinously, he flung himself blindly at Slowpoke, and ended up landing five feet diagonally from the constipated bear.
No more crack for you! Bad Phanpy!


“I think polka dots look very pretty on you if you ask me!” Greg snickered, breaking the silence. The silence was broken even further as Grace let out a giant roar similar to that of an Ursaring’s.
“YOU STUPID ELEPHANT! MY DRESS! MY BEAUTIFUL DRESS!” Grace wailed clutching onto her ruined dress.
Rich girls and spoilt brats… what are they like, eh? XP I’m now having a difficult time picking which match was better: Slowpoke Vs Greg or Slowpoke Vs Phanpy. XD


Machop’s elbow shattered into pieces as the force of Dratini’s body going at hundreds of miles per hour crashed into it. The fighting pokemon let out a cry of agony as his left arm flung backwards. Pain blasted all throughout his arm as his elbow throbbed in unbearable agony. He looked down at his left arm; his elbow had been pushed back several inches until it was protruding from the other side. He could feel the pieces of broken bone piercing his flesh; if he moved his arm, it was very probable that a jagged piece of bone would tear through his blue-gray skin.
Ow, that’s gonna hurt tomorrow. >.<


And from that day forth, as they finally headed into the forest, the four trainers vowed to never use their pokemon as tools of hate ever again.


Oh and there was probably a real pretty sunset too....
Nice way to end the chapter there. ^^

That chapter was fantastic. Overall description was fantastic with all the battle movements and the hilarious moments and all.

Overall score: 5/5

blackemerald
9th May 2006, 5:40 PM
Despite his rather comically cute appearance, Gutripper seemed to be rather vicious. He resembled Bo-Bo, the stuffed bear Greg secretly slept with at night.

Thanks to you I've now had a very disturbing image of Greg cuddling a carebear and sucking his thumb under the melody of nursery rymes. 0_0


“Oh yeah, we had those archaic pieces of crap two months ago. Now we have the I-Poke Infinitesimal, which can hold information on a hundred thousand pokemon and has over three million skins!” Sally said casually, holding out her right hand where there appeared to be a 1x1 inch cube wrapped around her wrist.

Everything's turning micro, isn't it? By this rate you're going to need a microscope to see the I-Poke.


Sunkern started to glow green in a Growth attack, preparing herself to attack


“What? Just because I’m comic relief doesn’t mean I have no brains whatsoever! Unrealistic little canon break—”

So very, very true. Maybe he'll start a one-man revolution.


Paige was certainly no help as she encouraged his strange behaviour, never one to pay attention in Battling class.


once—Sun!—twice—Kern!—thrice—Moo…!

Randomness prevails once again!


who was shouting words such as “fluke” and “cheater” and “purple monkey dishwasher.”

Nice Simpson reference there.


The beautiful Morticia Dearborn golden dress she wore was now covered in large, ugly dirt stains.

I am very, very happy from this turn of events. I still wish for more horrors to befall them, though.


confusion and began to run for it
.

Could you please tell me what that full stop is doing all by itself? Is it an outcast?


“COME BACK MISSUS!” The butler cried


Appalled by Sally’s early lead, Julie’s mind was at a blank ,

Extra space not needed.


Machop’s elbow shattered into pieces as the force of Dratini’s body going at hundreds of miles per hour crashed into it. The fighting pokemon let out a cry of agony as his left arm flung backwards. Pain blasted all throughout his arm as his elbow throbbed in unbearable agony. He looked down at his left arm; his elbow had been pushed back several inches until it was protruding from the other side. He could feel the pieces of broken bone piercing his flesh; if he moved his arm, it was very probable that a jagged piece of bone would tear through his blue-gray skin.

Wow. So very grusome.


Julie, who had watched the scene in utter horror


“Sorry, can you say that louder? I didn’t hear you,” Sally asked in an obviously phoney curious tone.


Oh, and there was probably a real pretty sunset too....

What a way to break the tension.

You've got a nice little chapter here. The characterizations of the pokemon were hilarious as usual and the descriptions for Charm and Extremespeed were wondefully created. Brian's outburst at the end did seem a little predictable for my taste though.

All in all, a brilliantly done and hilarious chapter.

~B.E

IceKing
10th May 2006, 1:36 AM
Review Response time!

PDL:



well, that was a better battle, hopefully we won't see those girls again... they fall of a cliff onto jagged rocks right?


I'm afraid you will see them again, two more times at least. Mehbe falling onto jagged rocks will happen in the end though...I donno


God I hate this song so much...

I wanted to use it as a Lickitung mating song in my fic ;_;

...PDL, if you do what you said you would do with that song, I promise I will revoke my Best Comedy Author award and give it to you

Sike


Omg...Fannypoo was just...wow. XDDDD Good ol' crack....

o_o Wait...uh, I mean, good ol' you. Yeah.

Anyway, there was Fannypoo, and there was also that pervy Gutripper. Blehh...icky sicky pervy ol' bear. It was funny as hell, though, in that wonderfully impure way. Which is always delightful. ^^

Good battle scenes, too. I particularly liked the Machop vs. Dratini fight; Extremespeed was terrifically described, and the damage dealt in that battle was written in a way that made it perfectly clear that those hits hurt.


Of course Good ol' Crack! Though have you ever seen a crack addict, they're scary o.o Specially when its a phanpy. I made Gutripper more pervy than last time in honor of EC who loves him and I'm glad that you thought extremespeed hurt =)


LMFWCAO at that title. XD


Took me forever to get that WC=white chick


I love the word “ginormous”. ^^

Dude, so do I!


Best and most entertaining description of Charm that there ever was and likely will ever be. I especially like the specific use of “I wuv u!” ^^


I loved the use of "Still in wub"


…That’s a severely creepy command, there. O~o

Sike, you know I'll lick you any day


…Wow. XD

Your description of Lick is as good as your description of Charm. Maybe even better.


Its quite a predicament, if I sacrifice the descriptions, I gain the pacing, but if I sacrifice the pacing, I gain the descriptions. I personally choose the latter simply becuase the primary reason for this fic is to improve my writing


MAN HO!!! XDDDD

I lyked it better than man *****


O_O

XDDDDDDDDDD

I could not wait tosee your reaction XD


Boss incentive there, Greg. XD

Thats what you get when you write the first thing that comes to mind


Ooooh, gruesome! ^^

Excellent!


I’m sorry, but I cracked up laughing when I read that. XD I could actually hear a Dratini saying that.

0.0

That would have me cracking up


You always seem to know exactly the best note to go out on. I love that. ^^

I worried if it was too soon...but if one person liked it, hey

CD

....you!


Well, a couple. I think its when you devote entire chapters to battles that I begin to lose interest. This chapter was so long- and a twenty million page chapter isn't too long if it doesn't feel like it's too long, you know what I mean? I did like your characterisation of the *****y girls, whose names I've forgotten. dratini is my favourite ever pokemon, so you get tons of kudos for that. But by that point, the only factor that kept me reading this was that it was a Dratini Sally was using. Teediursa was described well. I laughed lots at Fannypoo. Theres only so much action a chapter can have in it- and there is a really, really big difference in the way you use action in a movie, or in an anime, and in writing- because action takes a lot longer to describe than it does to imagine. This action was, I felt, dragging the chapter down; and you tend to do that every time theres a battle scene. Try and get to the point as quickly as possible, and spend as little space as you can describing attacks and so forth- that doesnt mean dont describe them, but use short, effective words

Thanks for that, I've been struggling to work on that as well. Problem is that when I do do short, effective words, it gets TOO underdescribed. ANd I really cannot stand fics that are mainly just calling out commands and dull aftermaths. But I agree with you, yeah, that I'm spending too much time describing some attacks. Remember, the primary function fo this fic is to help my writing skills and I did manage to shave the battles down and remove some moves. I will be sure the next major battle to keep it down to 5 pages at max. Id hate to see what would happen in the tournaments with 6 vs 6 o.o Assumign Brian even goes to the tournament, of course


Slowking was very funny in this chapter- I'm not sure about the gay references, I didn't think that was really much of a joke, but I loved the way he speaks in all different languages, that cracks me up. Him and Fannypoo were cool.


I loved the languages too. Greg, being an idiot, automatically thinks gay when he sees rainbow.


The end was...hmmm...it was moving...it was....odd. It was very odd. To do an ending like that, I think you need a lot more buildup than you had there, and I think the pain of those attacks was described way too well- thats disgusting, there shouldnt be things that make you feel that in pain in a comedy fic. The moral seemed a little cheezy, greg's outburst. Perhaps a refence to that earlier on would have made it make a little more sense, the build up of his anger reaching a peak? Your last line was brilliant, but came way too late. Thigns started getting a little too serious there, I think.

Really, I thought the last line came too early o.o And yes, the purpose of the "moving scene" was just practice. I didn't intend it to be good, I just wanted to see how I could handle it in the future. And thank you VERY MUCH for your advice, it will help me out bunches

But for your comment about too much pain, I have to strongly disagree. You gotta understand when this fic was first made, it wasnt intended to me comedy. It just kinda...happened. But I'm not sacrificing pain/horror just because my fic is primarily comedy. I want to practice gruesome scenes, and I'm not going to soften things up =P HLBMA is also a light comedic trainer fic but theres dark undertones and even deaths in it as well. I'm not sure if I'll go as far as doing death, and this fic will definetely not end up being super dark (though there will be parody of dark undertones in trainer fics)


The jokes in this chapter were funny, the characterisations you have of your pokemon now is great; I felt like the humans were a little corny, onesided, predictable, specially Greg. Your battles take up way way too much time, I'd really like to see you cut them down, because I had to read this chapter in two sittings, since it was so long- and I think so long describing the same thing, too. Your style of comedy needs to really roll along to work well; you know youve done much better than this.

Most of the corniness is pretty intended, but by what sort of things do you mean predictable. PLEASE, I really need to know... And the battle thing was adressed before. And again, soem chapters will be funnier than others =) If each chapter was as good as the last in terms of funny, I would be DEAD. I wouldn't call this chapter bad comedy, its just different. As I stated before, there will be different forms of comedy in different chapters.


Cool. Okay, well, I do love your fic, and I'm interested to see what adventures these guys will get up to next *insert same corny sunset*, so I await the next chapter keenly.

Hehe, I love their next adventure. I gleefully await it, but I don't think you'll be too fond of it... Speaking of which, I'm going to take a break from writing this fic for the rest of the school year (two weeks XD) and instead focus on planning out future plots. Because I have realized that this fic has taken a completely different direction then original, it has now become a light parody of trainer fics and some of the stuff I had in orginally will definetely not go well...

IW


On paper, it's not very funny, but imagining it is.

Agreed


For some stange reason I keep on thinking I've seen or heard that somewhere. I don't remember where though.

Simpsons reference, from the episode the teachers go on strike. Bart is attempting to rile the teachers up and in a telephone like message he tells one teacher "Skinner thinks the teachers willl fold" or something along that lines and in a very telephone-esque manner it continues until it reaches Edna the strike leader who hears "Skinner thinks the teachers will fold purple-monkey-dishwasher" and Edna goes "Skinner will pay for this! ESPECIALLY FOR THE PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER!"


Wouldn't it sound better if slowpoke took five seconds before he did anything?

Eh, I cant use his delayed reaction OVER AND OVER again


You know, people like the triplets just need to be laughed at because all they can do is insult someone through unintelligent speech. Comebacks are always nice. I have had a few experiences with people I didn't enjoy. While comebacks generally don't help, saying something like "thank you" out of the blue very loudly or finding some way to show that you don't really care what they say goes a long way.

Good quote, I'll be sure to tell JUlie that =) Thanks for pointing out those typos! I can't believe how I don't see them! I always enjoy hearing the views of the resident cynic =P

BP



Enjoyed it. Absolutely enjoyed it. Once again, I’ll let the quotes do the talking.


w00!


LOL! That’s very good! Great description of the Charm attack.


Yay! A second person


The Slowpoke Vs Phanpy battle was my most favourite.

I second that XD


HAHAHAHAHAHA! Fannypoo! HAHAHA!

XD, I wrote a random name so....




The girls don’t actually know the stuff actually is, right? Still… XD

No. No they do not XD


No more crack for you! Bad Phanpy!


He should meet the Weed Trecko from my other fic


Rich girls and spoilt brats… what are they like, eh? XP I’m now having a difficult time picking which match was better: Slowpoke Vs Greg or Slowpoke Vs Phanpy. XD

I prefer the latter, only becuase I dont like the former as much as a lot of other people


Ow, that’s gonna hurt tomorrow. >.<

And the day after tomorow. OMGZ0RS GLOBAL WARMING!


That chapter was fantastic. Overall description was fantastic with all the battle movements and the hilarious moments and all.

Overall score: 5/5

I gleefully await my 4/5 day. Thanks for reviewing!

BE:


Thanks to you I've now had a very disturbing image of Greg cuddling a carebear and sucking his thumb under the melody of nursery rymes. 0_0


Its about tiem someone pointed that out! That was my favorite part of the chapter XD


Everything's turning micro, isn't it? By this rate you're going to need a microscope to see the I-Poke.


*Gasp* Thats the I-Poke Really Really Really Really Reallly Really Really Small


So very, very true. Maybe he'll start a one-man revolution.


And then get tired of it halfway through putting on his armor



Nice Simpson reference there.

*Gives Chunk of Grace Hair*


I am very, very happy from this turn of events. I still wish for more horrors to befall them, though.


Oh I do too... My original ending was to have Melissa chase them away with her Shellder soaking them wet, but it didnt really go well with my theme....


Could you please tell me what that full stop is doing all by itself? Is it an outcast?


THe T in It doesnt return his phone calls


You've got a nice little chapter here. The characterizations of the pokemon were hilarious as usual and the descriptions for Charm and Extremespeed were wondefully created. Brian's outburst at the end did seem a little predictable for my taste though.

All in all, a brilliantly done and hilarious chapter.


Thanks! Especially for the crit of the outburst, I still need to do that better!






Thanks for reviewing guys! This chapter was mainly a practice chapter. I don't know what I'm going to do for next chapter because I have to redo it compeltely


POLL: Would you like to see them go through the forest or straight into Masoit City?

firewater
10th May 2006, 3:03 AM
wow I just finished reading the chapters and all i have to say is lolololololololololololololololololololololol
times a thousand....

but seriously this has to be the funniest fan-fic i have ever read

Hoenn Warrior
12th May 2006, 2:08 AM
The CRACK PHANPY!!! That was just too funny. A drug addicted Pokemon. The battles were described well with a good amount of humor. Its too bad The Pecunia Triplets couldn't end up losing. Now they can go around thinking that they are superior than the rest of our heroes and other trainers. Too bad for poor Julie to see her Machop like that. And if anybody should be eaten by a Gyardos it should be those stuck up triplets. Gyardos probably wouldnt like them with their perfume. Might just spit them back up. I hope to see them in a situation the triplets cant get out of but or heroes can or end up saving their butts.

Air Dragon
15th May 2006, 10:19 AM
First of all: GOMEN ASAIII!(or however you spell it...)

Took so long in reviewing this masterpiece of humour due to exams, lack of connection at home which was just restored, etc, etc. Well, no matter how much this sounds like an excuse, i truly am sorry for keeping you waiting.

My comments: Everything Hoenn Warrior said and a heck of a whole lot more!!!!!!!!!!weelll, except for the hero bit concerning the Pecunia triplets at the end. my advice, get the triplets eaten, half digested and THEN let the poor Gyarados spit them out. Awful, i know, but hey, they deserve it, right? mwahahahahaha...

Fannypoo had me in stitches, i literally couldn't move for like twenty minutes from the pain of laughing too hard and suppressing it at the same time!

WOOOT! Gutripper really was a little too perverse, but not any different from v.1. I ain't complaining though, Papa Bear's fine just as he is!

Dratini on the other hand is so noble; seems sad that a contents banned for extremely explicit and altogether rude language like Sally Pecunia. Ah well...

Brian's any girl's hero... he so nice! Wonder what Julie might have done if Melissa kissed him, took it in her stride, that Amazon...heh, heh.

Greg was his typical random self (good ol' Greg... can be counted on to do so much for an audience!) and his dialogue with Slowpoke before their battle really touched me... if only Greg knew how much he meant to his Slowpoke... only time can tell.

Waiting eagerly to see the gym leader line-up and the trio's final pokemon teams in action! keep it up and coming!

Go, Icky! When humour counts, you're number...two!

...

PSYCHE! Okay,I'm outta here!