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View Full Version : A pilot's memorys



General Blaze
19th December 2005, 3:59 AM
This is a fic deticated to my favorite RTS of all time, Homeworld. This story is set through the POV of an Interceptor pilot, as he takes a look back when he was fighting for the lives of thousands of Kushans.

Chapter 1

To this day, I still wonder why the Tiidain destroyed Karak, along with my family, friends, and millions of other Kushans. I still think that if got there sooner, then we might have been able to prevent the genocide of Karak, and I still shake at the thought that if the Turanic Carrier got away, then the Kushan people will have been extinct. But I'm going to tell you about my expiriences, and you'll see the hell that the Kushans went through to get to our original homeworld, Higgara.

*Karak's Orbit*

I suppose I should start at the begining. The MotherShip had just launched from the Scaffold, and everyone was pretty excited, even the pilots. To the Kushans, the pilots of the Arrow Scouts and Blade Interceptors where regared with high respect, because at the time the biggest ship we got other than the MotherShip and Scaffold was the Salvage Corrvette. Bigger ships were being developed, but it was taking a long time. But lets cut to the chase. Right now, all the pilots were in the MotherShip's hanger bay. We were being breifed on our last training mission before the MotherShip began the hyperspace test.

"Alright pilots, your objective is to elimate all the target drones in at least 10 minutes. They will be moving, so this will probbably be your first time in dogfighting" Commander Patku said. "Remember this, when in a dogfight, try to stay behind the target, and don't let them get behind you, or get away. Good luck pilots!" And with that, the training started. As I was about to hop into my Interceptor, one of my wingmen yelled out to me. "Hey, Darit! How many drones do you think you'll get?"

"I'm aiming at about ten or more." I said back. "How many do you think you'll get Kiir?"

"More than you thats for sure!"

I chukled a bit before I hoped in my fighter. I checked the systmes for a while before I got ready to report to our squadron leader. Just then, my fighter's AI, a S'Jet female named Caile, appeared. "Well, todays the day." she said.

"Sure is Caile." I said back. "Any idea when we are going to launch?"

"Karan S'Jet said that when the training run is over, we'll launch" Caile answered.

As soon as she finished, my com system flared up, with my squadron leader talking. "Alright Nova squadron, report!"

"Nova 2 in the green."

"Nova 3, I'm ready to roll!"

"Nova 4, at your command."

"Nova 5, all systems green."

"Nova 6, ready to launch."

"Nova 7, let's rock!"

"Nova 8, my tanks full and I'm ready to kick some butt!"

I took a breath before saying, "Nova 9, I' ready to launch."

"Alright then. Nova squad, LAUNCH!"

When Nova Leader said that, I immediatly pushed forward on the joystick. My Interceptor flew forward along with the reat of my squad. This was it. The final training mission before the hyperspace test. And I was ready.

End Chapter 1

Chapter 2 will come out soon, I promise.

Yami Ryu
19th December 2005, 4:06 AM
OMGZ this is liek teh gr8tist fic eva!

Now for something completely different and non sarcastic;

Did you write this in the reply box you little rule breaker you? Did you? Did you? Did you completely ignore the rule all chapters for a fic must be atleast a page long? Did you? I bet you did. I know you did really. A paragraph.

That is just utterly sad that is all you could write. Really. If that's all you can do, maybe you should stop writing now and go waste time doing something else. If you do want to get better I advise you to read the RULES and ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS. I also suggest you explain what the hell this is about for people that don't have a clue what you're babbling/writing about, and maybe go into a bit more detail and depth about what it is you're writing about. Maybe explain a bit more about the character, maybe more about his surroundings, etc,etc.

And what's really sad, my review, is longer, than your 'first chapter'.

General Blaze
19th December 2005, 4:07 AM
Okay! Sheesh! I forgot alright!

EDIT: I updated the chapter. Happy now Renegade?

Yami Ryu
19th December 2005, 6:34 AM
Oh wow. And I bet that was wrote in the reply box too.

Click Here (http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993)

Your edited in parts really did nothing to aliviate the problems that I already pointed out, and just adds to the mystery that is everything because First Person wise; you can't describe very much, leaving a whole lot of the enviroment to be guessed over and grasped at blindly.

Like the fact I didn't even know this was set in space untill after the edit, but I have no idea what your ships look like and etc.

Length is still your problem, as this was probably onlt five paragraphs atm, and is still very rushed and most likely could've been done better. Oh and I don't believe you forgot the rules... I'm betting you most likely didn't read them at all so click the 'Click Here', and go read them. Then read the advice. It will help wonders.