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Zerodius
20th December 2005, 6:39 AM
Summary: Milk... a healthy part of one's breakfast. Cats especially are known to enjoy milk... but unfortunately, when a certain kitty decides to have milk for breakfast, he had no way of knowing that what should have been a common, easy task will turn out into a quest of epic proportions as he seeks out to obtain an incredibly common item... and yet, fails time and time again.

...

Now, this should come off as a better fic than the last one. The last one had the potential to be funny... but lack of description made some parts sound more twisted than they actually were and I also realized that I didn't exploited some jokes that could have increased the general value of the fic.

Now, the fic is pretty much ready to be posted... but I am not sure what rating to give it yet. I would also appreciate to have comments and suggestions about the prologue of this fic... and although I find the beta title (Mewtwo's Quest for a Bottle of Milk) to be quite funny... I am open to suggestions for a title change.

(Default rating I had thought of: PG-13 for references to some stuff... although nothing nearly as extreme as "Giovanni's Evil, Evil Plan". In fact, there will be no actual scenes so it shouldn't get a "R" rating... unless people think otherwise. Anyway... enjoy... well, I hope)

EDIT: I had thought about removing the first scene (when Mewtwo was awakening) since it served no real purpose except to justify Mewtwo's awful mood and reactions early on... but well, anyway.

*Hopes that this attempt at humor will be more successful than the last... which fell flat because of lack of description and wasted opportunities*

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PROLOGUE: OH NO! OUT OF MILK! DUM DUM DUUUUM!

Mewtwo smiled sweetly as he slept peacefully in the safety and quiet of his small... err... I mean, large home.

It was still early in the morning... but the psychic Pokemon had the habit of waking up early and as such, he begun to slowly awaken... and before his eyes even opened, before his consciousness was drawn from the world of dreams, his instincts awoke first.

As such, Mewtwo, altought still sleeping, yawned loudly and faked out stretching his arms... and when his right hand was lowered, it touched the cozy bed... but his large, spherical fingers did not find the nice, oh-so nice curves that belonged to Mew.

He rolled to the left, growling as his instincts filled him with frustration... but there wasn't much he could do about it and anyway, he wasn't even awake enough to truly be bothered by that. It's just that when he would fully awaken, he would find himself grumpy for a reason he wouldn't really know... and anyway, this really didn't made sense since he was supposed to be genderless anyway...

Mewtwo, frowning and not even realising that he was doing so, remained there, sleeping anew... and finally, after a few more minutes, morning sunlight pierced throught the blackness of the sky and passed right throught the window and finally reached the large bed... and Mewtwo's eyes, as well.

The white and purple kitty growled again and his consciousness was finally drawn out of the dream world.

Slowly, the big cat yawned once again and rolled to the right until he was lying on his stomach. Then, like all cats do when they wake up, he proceeded to stretch his arms, then his legs, then finally, once he was done, he got off the bed.

The cat shook his head, not fully awake despite all that stretching... and he felt an intense feeling of annoyance stinging his heart. He shrugged, wondering why he suddenly felt so grumpy... and then he had the urge to stand up and walk around, inspecting his room for who knows why.

His room was really beautiful and large. The room was built after the bedrooms of ancient human kings of medieval times... well, except that it was packed with every little high-tech gadget the cat could fit inside.

Golden, ancient-style lamps on the ceiling, wooden furniture with golden and silver painting and decorations. The floor was covered with a red, stylish carpet that wasn't nearly as cozy as the bed but that was more than enough when Mew was at her "time of the month" and became possessive of the bed... speaking of which, he suspected that she might be in the kitchen, emptying bottle after bottle of Miltank milk like she does every morning...

One question that might appear would be... why would Mewtwo live and most of all, mate with the being he was cloned from?... and weren't they supposed to be genderless, anyway?

Well, as Mew had clearly stated it... Mewtwo was such a heavily modified clone that it was safe to assume that he was not related to her... and as for size issues... well, if the massive whale Pokemon Wailord and the tiny cat Skitty can live together as a couple... then why would he and Mew not work? Also... regarding them being genderless... well, it was just a massive plothole which Mewtwo intended to correct sometime soon. Maybe using the theory of the DNA modifying serum?... maybe, maybe not...

But well, all of that was besides the point.

That point is... that it is morning, that he was frustrated for an unknown reason, and that he wanted to have his breakfast now!... after all, can't begin making up plans of world domination on an empty stomach! After all... it is his job to make up plans of world domination, as the Pokemon World's ultimate evil mastermind!

Mewtwo thought of Mew's obsession for milk... and grinned. The first positive thought of the day...

That naughty Mew... She sure likes milk!... and Miltank milk more than anything else! Seeing as how she gulp down daily about two hundred times her weight in milk, it is not surprising at all that Mew isn't quite exactely thin... but it is also very surprising to know that Mew doesn't burst out from drinking so much milk. Where do she stores all that milk? Ultra-compressed in her stomach? Her body working like a biological Pokeball for milk? Her stomach being, in truth, a powerful black hole? Really... this made no sense... but this was the Pokemon World, a world where little turtles can spit out endless amounts of water and where pigs REALLY can fly... well, with psychic powers, at least. As such, logic did not apply here... that or plotholes but everyone hates them so let's stop talking about them.

A case where logic applied was regarding Mew's and his own taste for milk. Just like regular cats, the Legendary Pokemon and her clone had a refined taste for milk and would go out of their way to gulp a bottle down... well, most of the time, anyway. Mewtwo, of course, was above such primitive instincts...

The psychic kitty slowly got out of his room and headed to the kitchen. The kitchen was rather large, to say the truth... and it was empty too except for the furniture and for a single creature sitting on the table.

A high-tech fridge, both a microwave and Shadow energy-powered oven... the place was pretty basic. There was only a single circular table in the middle of the room with two chairs located there.

Mew was sitting on the table, surrounded by dozens of empty bottles with a Miltank logo on them. Obviously, she had begun to absorb her daily dose of calcium.

Mewtwo smiled and rolled his eyes. Such a cute little kitty... but well, he had no time to stand there and watch her drink. He walked to the fridge and then, grabbed the fridge's door with the three large, spherical fingers that were at the end of his right hand. Time to get a bottle of much-needed milk and to fill his body with all of the creamy, nutritive goodness he needed to keep that Mew-attracting body of his in shape! He pulled on the fridge's door and quietly, the door was opened...

DUM DUM DUUUM!

Mewtwo's eyes widened in horror! There... there was not a single bottle of milk left! He looked to the left, behind the frozen Pidgeys... nope! Behind the orange juice?... neither! Behind the cheese?... no luck!

Mewtwo frowned and closed the door, turning to the pink kitty that was his mate. Mew slowly licked her lips, having drunk the content of the last bottle of milk... "Mew... you did not..." begun Mewtwo, his voice filled with worry.

The cute female cat tilted her head to the right, meowed slowly, and then giggled. "Heeheehee! You're so funny, my cute, squishy Mewtwo!" she said in her oh-so sweet, innocent-sounding voice.

Mewtwo rolled his eyes. He had no time to wrestle with Mew's annoying, childish personality. He simply walked past her and opened the door of the cold vault, in which he stored his reserves of milk...

DUM DUM DUUUUM!!!

"Stop it with the Shock fanfare!" yelled Mewtwo at the sound director. Pah, stupid kitty. He has no sense of humor...

Anyway, the vault was empty. A real mountain of empty bottles covered the frozen floor of the vault... and Mewtwo finally realized that there was not a single bottle of milk left in his entire castle... which meant he would have to head outside of his cozy home to get some milk!

He closed the door and glared angrily at the female sitting on the table. "Why didn't you left me even just a SINGLE bottle of milk? I hope for you that you have a good explanation for this!"

Mew replied by burping loudly, which was quite unusual of the kitty. She stood there for a while, as if shocked by what she had just done... and then begun to giggle anew much to the male psychic Pokemon's displeasure! "Just... stop it already!" he urged her.

Mew stopped and stared lovingly into her lover's eyes, smiling sweetly. "What is your problem, sweety kitty? Feelin' grumpy today? It's not like it's such a big disaster. I'm sure Joe Farmer has some milk for sale!"

Mewtwo cursed himself, realizing that it was indeed, a bit stupid to get so worked up over a bottle of milk. All he has to do is to visit his old friend, a Pokemon breeder called Joe Farmer, who lived just outside the castle, on the island. Joe Farmer was the sole human inhabitant of the island and was specializing his farm into the production of Miltank milk and meat. His only customers were Mewtwo and Mew... but since the two drunk more milk than all of Kanto's inhabitants all reunited and ate enough Miltank meat to put every pack of Houndooms and Mightyenas in the world to shame, he had been living a luxurious life. In fact, as poor as Joe Farmer had been when he first arrived on the island, he now stood as one of the biggest producers of Miltank milk and meat in the world and thanks to the money he received from the two kitties, could send all of his seven children to university. In fact, he had even bought a gigantic mansion for himself and his wife.

One question that came to mind was... where did Mew and Mewtwo found the money to pay that farmer?... but well, that will probably be solved later, like all of the other plotholes.

Anyway, considering this, the fact that there no longer was any milk in the castle was no big deal.

Mewtwo gathered his powers and in a flash of light, teleported outside of the castle...

Destination: Joe Farmer's farm on the other side of the island!

=TO BE CONTINUED

Yami Ryu
20th December 2005, 7:05 AM
Eh .... imo you beat what humor the fic had going for it, to death, with a stick, by trying to make it overly funny, instead of letting the humor come along at it's own pace, you forced it, and tried to make gags and skits, in the preview, or 'funny moments' that weren't so funny. I mean take my fic for example; Angel uses her Magikarp Caim, as a bludgeon. Yes it's funny, and yes I could do it every chapter or for the whole chapter, but what would be the point? It would lose it's spark then, instead of being something people would hope I'd bring out and have Angel do (smite things with the Magikarp), it'd become a boring, lame gag.

You ... have talent ... but you just forced/beat the humor out in trying to make something not that funny, funny. Maybe you should try revising or thinking this through a bit more. Maybe watch some skits or something for inspiration.