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Thread: Rhapsody

  1. #1
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    Default Rhapsody

    ~THE GALABONIAN TALE~
    ~RHAPSODY~
    ^^ May the heavens bless me, for it is now time for Rhapsody to be posted.

    Welcome, everyone, to Serpent Syra's fanficition, Rhapsody. I've been working extremely hard on this story, focusing on the characters and fantasy elements and adventure elements and action scenes, and I hope that this'll be the piece to reflect my improvements in fanfiction writing. It has been such a long time since I posted a fanfiction (well, maybe three months ago) and with only four more chapters to complete for the first part, it is about damn time I post this.

    For those unfamiliar to the preview thread, this takes place in Galabonia. It is a gigantic regions from the northeastern oceans of Hoenn and southwestern oceans of Orre, split into six sections by the grand sea. There aren't any new Pokemon, no Gym Leaders, no gyms, but there are kingdoms, competitions, Sky Hunters, Dragonriders, Harpie-hybrids, Hellangels, Gods of the End, and the almighty Slinx Insanity Virus. This is Fantasy/Action/Adventure. I want to keep it short and sweet, for I have an index to write. But, before I get to the fun and action...

    WARNING! IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH CARRION-EATING POKEMON EATING BLOODY FLESH OF AGGRON, OR SWORDS SLICING OFF THE HEAD OF A HUMAN, OR ANY TYPE OF BLOOD AT ALL, EXIT IMMEDIATELY. OR, IF YOU ARE NOT A FAN OF EXTREME BATTLING AGAINST LEGENDARIES OR HAVE CERTAIN OPINIONS ABOUT THEM BEING USED IN STORIES, TURN RIGHT BACK AROUND AND LEAVE MY THREAD. ALSO, FOR THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEMS WITH PURPLE PROSE...YOU'LL BE RUNNING INTO FIVE DRAGONS IF YOU HAVE THAT PROBLEM AND TRY READING THIS THREAD. SO, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, I'M ENCOURAGING THE 'PURPLE-PROBLEM-PROSERS' TO LEAVE, BECAUSE YOU WON'T ENJOY THIS VERY MUCH. YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED.

    I’m a fan of violence, so if you are uncomfortable with fights with daggers and swords and hot pursuits with Pokémon involved, get out. ^^ That’s the nicest way I can put it. If you aren’t, I hope you enjoy what I have in stored for you! Also, I understand that the Prologue is rather disgusting; I'm not pleased with it myself. But please, hang it there and disregard the rivers of description, for it defnitely improved the first chapter. But, there are those who aren't fans of description, and although this is a big improvement from the hundreds of description paragraphs I've had in the past, there is still a considerable amount (though, it is much more controlled and placed in the right spots, rather than everywhere. @_@)

    Legendaries will be in this fic, though they aren't normal. ^^ You'll see what I mean when they first appear. Well, sit back, and enjoy the story! Due to a sudden circumstance, The Galabonian Trilogy is no more -- therefore, Rhapsody comes to a good close after the sum of thirty-two chapters. So, I still have TEN chapters to write! -_-;; But, I will be covering the slinx virus through many different Galabonian tales and adventures, so need not be disappointed whatsoever.

    +PM Notification List+
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    ~CHAPTER INDEX~
    Prologue ~ Tango of the Tempest [01/07/06]
    Chapter One ~ Paradise and Rampage [01/10/06]
    Chapter Two ~ The Mystical Nightmare [01/16/06]
    Chapter Three ~ Dance of the Wheels [01/19/06]
    Chapter Four ~ The Flawless Swindle [01/21/06]
    Chapter Five ~ A Fire Warrior's Fury [01/27/06]
    Chapter Six ~ The Prison of Swords [02/04/06]
    Chapter Seven ~ Aria of the Jungle [02/11/06]
    Chapter Eight ~ Jewels and Spores [02/21/06]
    Chapter Nine ~ Emerald Ecstasy [03/03/06]
    Chapter Ten ~ Shadow of the Beast Queen [03/25/06]
    Chapter Eleven ~ Flight of the Dragon [04/14/06]
    + + + + + + + + + + + + +

    PROLOGUE
    TANGO OF THE TEMPEST
    - Galabonia: The Magical Mythology of Rylazo
    “Within the undergrounds of the advanced region, Galabonia holds secrets of its own. As humanity evolved and learned from their very mistakes, they were soon overpowered by the legends of the Gods, the creations of the Unkind. The land was stung with beautiful triumph and relentless pride as the last human was left on earth, studying the world of magic and its fascinating wonders. Her name was long forgotten by her, but she needn’t worry. Magic blossomed her personality, her traits, and her evolution as time went on and environments changed. The oceans were clouded with frothing hatred and deceit, and the sun burned the dying flame of mercy and depression. Nevertheless, the girl went on and studied the ranks of the supernatural until time itself stopped her, killing her with the overwhelming abilities she developed over hundreds and hundreds of years. Eternity was at its peak of ending when the girl was pronounced alive, going under the miraculous name of Rylazo. Many wonder how she was able to resurrect herself from the graves of humanity, but it was possible in her case. From then, the chaos mage went and created the sky, the earth, and the darkness that blinds humanity today during the night. The rage, the happiness, the fury, the glee, the depression, the wild, the roar, and the silent stirred together and brought back the life of humans, granting them another chance to improve.”

    “Rylazo was the Goddess of Magic, the Female Mage of Doom, the Cosmos Queen. She carpeted the naked grounds with verdant green grass and vegetation, allowing humans of the new land to grow crops and help their families survive. The massive earthquake that cracked the land left large indents, displaying the hurt that was still there and the possible damage it could continue. Rylazo summoned powers and allowed endless rainfall for the next fortnight, drowning the open holes with water to form oceans, lakes, waterfalls, and rivers. She created life on the land and gave rights to humanity to expand it at their own will. It wasn’t until humans themselves killed her that she became twisted, sinister, and ruthlessly evil. She felt betrayed, but still ruled over the land through the heavens, for killing a magical person wasn’t possible. It was impossible. People today still believe she watches over Galabonia, plotting a revenge that could wipe out humanity for good. Some thought that if she brought them back, she could send them to the graves of the world, the uncanny death that would exhale their last breath. Others say that they are prepared to die, for they know that Rylazo shall return if darkness peaks in Pilotio. The rest of humans will tranquilly watch as their pinnacle of achievements will be torn apart into tattered tails of zilch.”

    - Summary of the Forty-Chaptered Mythological Novel

    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
    Pilotio Valley was erupting with a tumbling sandstorm. The empty, forsaken wasteland was waterless and featureless and dying. Standing in broken silence and screaming in wild, short shrieks of anguish, the dry desert only carried the scent of death traveling along the rolling tumbleweeds that passed by. Sky-scraping mountainous hills pressed coarsely against the surrounding metropolises and paradises, the wind pushing the carpet of sand into the blustery air and tossing it around wildly.

    The skyline was brushed with an illumination of golden, sunlight yellow, and pink; sharply defined against the high atmosphere, the interlaced colors brimmed with magical lights.

    Swirls of scorching cherry fire swiveled rapidly while spinning across Pilotio, throwing sparks of flames onto the grounds and smoking the land with a stifling heat of steam. Pink pearls of the previous silvery night were left to wander, glowing while staring sightlessly with their single enchanting-green eye. They whispered a low-keyed note before evaporating into the soul of the earth, devoured by the howling roar of the badlands.

    The wasteland was steaming with anger and failure. Before long, purring and humming echoed across the vicinity, stomps stamping the ground with a massive imprint. A roaring figure silhouetted in the midst of the sandstorm, it soon burst into its delightful glory.

    Walking on the new grounds of Galabonia, the gray elephant-like beast strolled slowly, weighing his swiping feet down on the soft surface to leave traces of his forgotten path. The large ground-type Pokémon roared viciously and focused his sight on the slashed crest. His eyes were lightened with a fascinating verdant-jade glisten, glinting as they reflected the savage compassion surrounding the elephant’s pumping heart. His truck waved crazily while sneezing, but his movement continued to carry him through the sandstorm and towards the mountainous rock face.

    The beastly creature nibbled at his right foot for a second before realizing that a crackling bag of black pearls was being dragged on his right foot.

    The elephant’s eyes flickered. He roared and shrieked gleefully, a cry that was full of triumph and victory. He then bowed his head respectfully as he took swift footsteps in the direction of the small hill-like crag, glaring at the silhouette leveling onto it. The elephant-like Pokémon turned his head around and unattached the bag of spherical jewels, with the assistance of his tusks and truck, mirroring the miraculous lights hiding in the heavens. Before long, a figure landed on the surface, staring down on the ground-type Pokémon.

    The elephant-like beast pushed the sack towards the character and immediately curled into a ball, rolling away and disappearing into the heart of the sandstorm.

    Everything silenced as the sand was tossed noiselessly, gusting and blowing elegant smooth-blue and purple strands around madly. The body was protected in a white and blue magician gown, designed in velvet-cerulean tattoos and striking armor on the shoulders and wrists. Sharp edges were on the protective gear, a blue jewel pressed inside and glowing with white brilliance.

    A tall, slender hat rested atop of the human’s head; locks of hair escaped from the darkened depths, only to face the wild winds blustering past the human’s lavender eyes. A white-gloved hand held a supernatural, fancy magic-wielding baton with blue crystals aligned on the thin, rough handle. A crown shape was centered at the top of the paranormal weapon, reflecting the light-skinned face of the human. She was beautiful and elegant, for many fairy tales and myths had explained her to be.

    But, the magician was also angry and malignant, displaying the obnoxious rage of everything, particularly humanity. She stared above in the skies with a sightless, lost expression. She could only focus her attention on the rage the heavens were creating. The sky rumbled and thundered, twisted and turned, ending with a flash of darkness.

    The sandstorm subsided, leaving the wasteland to be thunderous and fierce. The skyline blossomed into a color of dark violet, soft pink, and white, swirling and intertwining. The magician closed her eyes and lifted her lips to a malicious smile, pointing the baton straight in the air.

    White flares of fire came into sight, wandering the crispy still air and whispering a devastating symphony. They licked the atmosphere clean from its sweet scent, leaving behind the choking stench of a boisterous ring of combustion. Golden slashes of the wind followed after the miraculous appearance, winding and rotating around the magical human.

    Her hair gathered in a large pile, enveloped in a bold golden gleam. Her throat vibrated as she smirked, focusing all thoughts on the black pearls. “Such a beautiful day,” the magician muttered, watching with bewildering eyes as the spherical jewelries were magically lifted into the air, brightening the black area with a brilliant white light.

    They soon vanished into the soul of the dying badland, the magician leaping into the air and disappearing. There, Pilotio was abandoned in darkness, rolling with a fresh fatality taking over. Such a waterless wasteland would soon drown in the oblivion of death, and only humanity could win in the uprising, dangerous gamble.

    It wasn’t belong long that the silhouette of a beast came into sight, sparks dancing across her beautiful skin before being swallowed back into the distance.
    Last edited by Ryano Ra; 1st May 2006 at 3:56 AM.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  2. #2

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    FIRST POST. Take that!

    *cough* Anyways, it's about time this long-awaited installment made its debut. Now onto my lacking review, here.

    Hmm. ^^ Anyway, I like the Prologue very much. That Donphan was cool And it leaves me with an interesting sort of feeling as it rolled away into the distance after giving that Magician the pearls. Though to what use, I wonder. Also, I'm guessing we'll get to see more of this Magician (I'm guessing she's one of those mentioned in the book Prologue), and I imagined her a lot sharper looking - and just imagining her wave that baton.

    That struck me as different, I must say.

    I'm interested to see where you go from here as the Prologue ends, and how the Prologue connects to the rest of the peace. I couldn't stop any errors as of yet, but it was one read through. ^^.

    Overall, I like it, and can't wait for the next installment.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saffire Persian
    FIRST POST. Take that!

    *cough* Anyways, it's about time this long-awaited installment made its debut. Now onto my lacking review, here.

    Hmm. ^^ Anyway, I like the Prologue very much. That Donphan was cool And it leaves me with an interesting sort of feeling as it rolled away into the distance after giving that Magician the pearls. Though to what use, I wonder. Also, I'm guessing we'll get to see more of this Magician (I'm guessing she's one of those mentioned in the book Prologue), and I imagined her a lot sharper looking - and just imagining her wave that baton.

    That struck me as different, I must say.

    I'm interested to see where you go from here as the Prologue ends, and how the Prologue connects to the rest of the peace. I couldn't stop any errors as of yet, but it was one read through. ^^.

    Overall, I like it, and can't wait for the next installment.
    *spins while throwing out red dragon-shaped cookies* My first review! ^^ Thank you so, so much for the review, Saffire Persian. I love Donphan, and despite the fact that I loaded the Prologue with ugly description (and a tad too much), I still enjoyed the appearance by the Magician. Yes, I thought that when she waved the baton, it was something that not many magicians do; usually, they just point and magic shoots out in some form.

    Thanks again, Saffire Persian! Your review is definitely appeciated.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  4. #4
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    Donphannnnnnnnnn! I think. o.O Heehee.

    SECOND POST! OMFG.

    Great description, Syra, far beyond your usual works. Though, sometimes it was a chore to follow, it was rewarding in the end. Beautiful description, though I had a hard time picturing what the Magician actually WORE. :P NAKEY MAGICIAN!

    Haha, oh well. Very good prolouge. Very good. Intriguing, and leaves us hanging for more.

    Though I have the feeling that Donphan is going to suffer. :3
    My Author Website

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    .__relive the legend__.

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    Quote Originally Posted by xXSaberXx
    Donphannnnnnnnnn! I think. o.O Heehee.

    SECOND POST! OMFG.

    Great description, Syra, far beyond your usual works. Though, sometimes it was a chore to follow, it was rewarding in the end. Beautiful description, though I had a hard time picturing what the Magician actually WORE. :P NAKEY MAGICIAN!

    Haha, oh well. Very good prolouge. Very good. Intriguing, and leaves us hanging for more.

    Though I have the feeling that Donphan is going to suffer. :3
    Yes, it was a Donphan. ^^ I tried using descriptions instead of actually using his name, just to see if I could achieve a good picture of him so you guys will know. Thank you for the warming review, Saber, it really means a lot that you took out time to review. ;_; *gives dragon cookies* As for the Magician's clothing...I had a hard time describing it, but it was based off of a YuGiOh card that I see...I think it is the Silent Magician Level 8 or something. XD

    NAKEY MAGICIAN...XD

    Thanks again, Saber! It is much appreciated!
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  6. #6
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    Ahem.

    *drowns in an overpowering sea of description*

    This was an awfully long prologue for what little that occured. I'd say it was almost pure description, and I was nearly overwhelmed by it. I didn't even realize there was anyone besides the donphan there, and I got a little lost, but I think it was just my misreading. because I would skip over the description at times when it was overpowering.

    Although you have to remember about switching from figurative, flowery, metaphorical description to literal description (the silhouette thing caught me off guard) in the future, because although it wasn't bad here, I can see myself being really dumbfounded by something like that in the future. I hope that makes sense.

    Mistakes...

    His truck waved crazily while sneezing,
    I wish I had a truck that could wave and sneeze =P

    The beastly creature nibbled at his right foot for a second before realizing that a crackling bag of black pearls was being dragged on his right foot.
    You mentioned right foot twice, and it's kind of superfluous.

    Anyhow, those were the only two I caught.

    Generally speaking, this prologue was on par with the stuff I'd expect from you, although I have to see more to give it a rating since barely anything really happened and there's no plot at the moment. For what it was meant to do, which was establishing an immersive atmosphere (yeah, I'm speaking for you here, but that's what I'm thinking you were trying to do with that wall of beautiful description and whatnot), it definitely succeeded. I'll be able to gve you a more indepth review when you post the future chapters. So far it's looking very nice, and I hope to see that consistency in the installments ahead.

    ...

    Holy crap that was hella formal. Please excuse me. >_>

    ._.
    Last chance to evacuate Planet Earth before it is recycled.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FloatingFlames
    Ahem.

    *drowns in an overpowering sea of description*

    This was an awfully long prologue for what little that occured. I'd say it was almost pure description, and I was nearly overwhelmed by it. I didn't even realize there was anyone besides the donphan there, and I got a little lost, but I think it was just my misreading. because I would skip over the description at times when it was overpowering.

    Although you have to remember about switching from figurative, flowery, metaphorical description to literal description (the silhouette thing caught me off guard) in the future, because although it wasn't bad here, I can see myself being really dumbfounded by something like that in the future. I hope that makes sense.

    Mistakes...



    I wish I had a truck that could wave and sneeze =P



    You mentioned right foot twice, and it's kind of superfluous.

    Anyhow, those were the only two I caught.

    Generally speaking, this prologue was on par with the stuff I'd expect from you, although I have to see more to give it a rating since barely anything really happened and there's no plot at the moment. For what it was meant to do, which was establishing an immersive atmosphere (yeah, I'm speaking for you here, but that's what I'm thinking you were trying to do with that wall of beautiful description and whatnot), it definitely succeeded. I'll be able to gve you a more indepth review when you post the future chapters. So far it's looking very nice, and I hope to see that consistency in the installments ahead.

    ...

    Holy crap that was hella formal. Please excuse me. >_>

    ._.
    ;_; *cries a sea of tears* Thank you SO MUCH! Thorough and nice review, Flames!

    >3 *stabs two errors* Superfluous? *stabs word* ^^

    ^^; I will try my very best to watch off from figurative description to literal description, and I hope it will improve as the future chapters come. I hope that I don't get you dumbfounded or confused, even though I understood the Prologue very much clearly...wait, I wrote it. Oh course I would! Anyways, I do very much dislike this Prologue, but it seemed fitting the way it was...I wanted to revise it, replacing Donphan with Raikou to make it more...exciting, in my case, but since Donphan aren't really used, I thought this would be a perfect chance to give him some limelight. :3

    Yes, please do not rate it. The only thing that you must realize is that you must remember the character, for what reasons I am not saying. Just remember her, and remember her very well. Thank you again, Flames, I really appreciate it!
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  8. #8
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    NAKEY MAGICAN!

    Saber, thank you for making me spew out what was left of my tea all over my copy of Fight Club. ;_;

    Um....FOURTH POST! Yay? o.o;;

    I already saw this in the preview, so I can't really comment on it again. Lots of bootiful eye candy, though, but go easy or all of our heads will explode from all the uberly sexy imagery. ;_; Then we'll all be dead...and there will be no one left to review. D:

    *skips away*

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scrap
    NAKEY MAGICAN!

    Saber, thank you for making me spew out what was left of my tea all over my copy of Fight Club. ;_;

    Um....FOURTH POST! Yay? o.o;;

    I already saw this in the preview, so I can't really comment on it again. Lots of bootiful eye candy, though, but go easy or all of our heads will explode from all the uberly sexy imagery. ;_; Then we'll all be dead...and there will be no one left to review. D:

    *skips away*
    XD *hops around on one foot*

    Have you ever thought all of this uberly sexy imagery is meant to made your heads explode? I mean, my Flygon needs to eat something besides a dead Aggron carcass. ^^

    *throws out more dragon cookies from Galabonian Starbucks*

    Really, I will promise that I won't explode you all with all of the description, for I think this is the installment with the most description in it, or, at least the installment with description and background as its main approach. I think that I might revise it later on when I start posting installments, for I think I should have added more to it. Some actions, some carrion-eaters, and perhaps the Tempest Volcano Clan...anyways, thank you SO SO much for the warming review, Scrap. Coming from a great friend (you), I am dearly honored.

    *leaves a trail of dragon cookies*
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  10. #10
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    *follows trail of dragon cookies and walks smack into a tree*

    When do you intend to release the next chapter? Are you going to set up a schedule for posting each chapter?

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scrap
    *follows trail of dragon cookies and walks smack into a tree*

    When do you intend to release the next chapter? Are you going to set up a schedule for posting each chapter?
    *swings upon vines with his Skitty* ACUNE! ACUNE! CUNE!

    *ahem* Well, for those on the PM Notification List (which will be added tomorrow upon the first post), they have been notified. I shall for a couple of days, until Monday or Tuesday, to post the first chapter. It really depends, as for the schedule; the longer the chapter, the longer the wait shall be for the next chapter. For example, let's say I had a sixteen-paged chapter. There wouldn't be an update for two weeks or so, maybe one week and five days if I am happy. ^^;; So, it really depends on the length and overall chapter, just in case I might prolong one if there's a cliffhanger.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  12. #12
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    OMG! 12th Post!

    SS I! I'm late! I know...

    But, some interesting highlights...

    Quote Originally Posted by SS
    “Rylazo was the Goddess of Magic, the Female Mage of Doom, the Cosmos Queen. She carpeted the naked grounds with verdant green grass and vegetation, allowing humans of the new land to grow crops and help their families survive. The massive earthquake that cracked the land left large indents, displaying the hurt that was still there and the possible damage it could continue. Rylazo summoned powers and allowed endless rainfall for the next fortnight, drowning the open holes with water to form oceans, lakes, waterfalls, and rivers. She created life on the land and gave rights to humanity to expand it at their own will. It wasn’t until humans themselves killed her that she became twisted, sinister, and ruthlessly evil. She felt betrayed, but still ruled over the land through the heavens, for killing a magical person wasn’t possible. It was impossible. People today still believe she watches over Galabonia, plotting a revenge that could wipe out humanity for good. Some thought that if she brought them back, she could send them to the graves of the world, the uncanny death that would exhale their last breath. Others say that they are prepared to die, for they know that Rylazo shall return if darkness peaks in Pilotio. The rest of humans will tranquilly watch as their pinnacle of achievements will be torn apart into tattered tails of zilch.”
    Nice, but NAKED GROUNDS!?

    Still... Like they said, it's good... And hooray for Donphan! Donphan is love. It's unbearably sexy, in a sense.... Afterall, I want a Donphan plushie...

    Anyways, Magicians are love. I love Magicians, no special reason. They're just pwnage... And nice one... MEOW! *is Tailmon/Gatomon now, the cute little cat who digivolves into Angewomon...*

    Anyways, Wizardmon would want to live to marry this Magicians. Magicians rule... Like always... *wants one of those purple roses SS has, since she wants flowers*

    Now, TA! TA! *purrs* MEOW!

  13. #13
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    To be specific, it is Silent Magician Level 8. I thought of her instantly when I read your description.

    Points for using Donphan. They're cute Pokemon.

    Beautiful description, as always Syra. Absolutely breathtaking. There isn't much I can say, other than I just fell in love with this Prologue, and can't wait to see the next chapter.

    Joshua
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~xXSapphireXx~
    OMG! 12th Post!

    SS I! I'm late! I know...

    But, some interesting highlights...

    Nice, but NAKED GROUNDS!?

    Still... Like they said, it's good... And hooray for Donphan! Donphan is love. It's unbearably sexy, in a sense.... Afterall, I want a Donphan plushie...

    Anyways, Magicians are love. I love Magicians, no special reason. They're just pwnage... And nice one... MEOW! *is Tailmon/Gatomon now, the cute little cat who digivolves into Angewomon...*

    Anyways, Wizardmon would want to live to marry this Magicians. Magicians rule... Like always... *wants one of those purple roses SS has, since she wants flowers*

    Now, TA! TA! *purrs* MEOW!
    Yes, the naked grounds. They don't have any grass, probably no form of concrete or dust or ash or soot or sand, just acres and acres of...land. ^^ I thought it was interesting, though, if it does confuse anyone, let me know so that I can change it. *purrs* Magicians are very much love - I love their concept, and everything, even when they have their stick wands. They are still very much enjoyable.

    Donphan need more attention, as well as other Pokemon, so you'll be seeing some pretty uncommon Pokemon that you don't usually see in fanfictions. *mexoplodes* Thank you SO much for reviewing, Sapphire, it is definitely most appreciated. ;_; *gives a dragon cookie*
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Skywing Knight Joshua~
    To be specific, it is Silent Magician Level 8. I thought of her instantly when I read your description.

    Points for using Donphan. They're cute Pokemon.

    Beautiful description, as always Syra. Absolutely breathtaking. There isn't much I can say, other than I just fell in love with this Prologue, and can't wait to see the next chapter.

    Joshua
    KUDOS! *gives him special magician-shaped cake*

    Yes, it is Silent Magician Level 8, for when I first saw its appearance, I knew that would be the perfect magician to use in a fanfiction...only, it's human, oh course, not a monster card or anything...*jumps on chair* Donphan are really nice Pokemon, and I plan to use more of them within this trilogy. And thank you so much for the compliment and review, Joshua, it is really appreciated coming from such an author like you. And I promise, I will review Shadowheart Vendetta today...I'm in the need for reading battles.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  15. #15
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    Rhapsody Review
    A Fanfiction written by Serpent Syra
    Review Written by +Chaos Blade+

    You've outdone yourself here, Syra. This Fanfiction is unbelievable, compared to the last work I have reviewed, Bloodstained Swords. This prologue was very mysterious and somber, and it makes great drama when mixed with the appropriate video game music.

    The Donphan here was very mysterious - it gave the magician mentioned previously jewels, but of what purpose? [Ooh, a thud sound from the music - suspense!]

    Surprisingly enough Syra, this prologue was something I'd expect from a true Fantasy writer. This is truly something worth mentioning and a Fanfiction to leave many an author inspired to do whatever they aspire to become - whether it be Sci-Fi or Trainer, this fic is the first step to giving them the inspiration that they need.

    Let's hope the mage does something vile or good, unexpectedly, in future chapters. Good luck, Syra.

    +Chaos Blade+

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    Well done, Syra! *applaudes* This was very enjoyable!

    As others have said, all of the descrition did make it a little bit difficult to vizualise, but it was nice all the same. Go Donphan! *waves donphan banner*

    If you could add me to the PM list, I would be grateful. Well done!
    Last edited by katiekitten; 8th January 2006 at 8:54 PM.


    Floating over your rocky spine
    The glaciers made you and now you're mine


    Pair: duncan | Lyrics: Great Lake Swimmers

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    Quote Originally Posted by +Chaos Blade+
    Rhapsody Review
    A Fanfiction written by Serpent Syra
    Review Written by +Chaos Blade+

    You've outdone yourself here, Syra. This Fanfiction is unbelievable, compared to the last work I have reviewed, Bloodstained Swords. This prologue was very mysterious and somber, and it makes great drama when mixed with the appropriate video game music.

    The Donphan here was very mysterious - it gave the magician mentioned previously jewels, but of what purpose? [Ooh, a thud sound from the music - suspense!]

    Surprisingly enough Syra, this prologue was something I'd expect from a true Fantasy writer. This is truly something worth mentioning and a Fanfiction to leave many an author inspired to do whatever they aspire to become - whether it be Sci-Fi or Trainer, this fic is the first step to giving them the inspiration that they need.

    Let's hope the mage does something vile or good, unexpectedly, in future chapters. Good luck, Syra.

    +Chaos Blade+
    ;_; Chaos, that was such a touching review. I don't even know what to say...THANK YOU, MY BROTHER! *gives mega-dragon cookie*

    Yes, I have very much improved from Bloodstained Swords, though sometimes, I really feel a bit down that I never got a chance to finish, let alone, save it instead of deleting it - the characters and new dragon-types would have come to great use in Rhapsody. Nevertheless, I really hope that I show people how much of a fantasy writer as I am, though, I will also start focusing on action and adventuring. But thank you so much, Chaos, I really appreciate it coming from such a talented fantasy author as yourself. And good luck with Din - let me know when it comes out.
    Quote Originally Posted by katiekitten
    Well done, Syra! *applaudes* This was very enjoyable!

    As o thers have said, all of the descrition did make it a little bit difficult to vizualise, but it was nice all the same. Go Donphan! *waves donphan banner*

    If you could add me to the PM list, I would be grateful. Well done!
    *gives special pichu-shaped cookie and electrical ice cream* ^^ THANK YOU for the review, Katie, I really appreciate it that you took out time to review my newest chaptered piece. I promise, I plan on revising the Prologue to make it longer, though, it'll only be for background information based on Pilotio Valley and Galabonia. Donphan is a beast that I've always loved, ever since I saw Phanpy. ^^ You shall be added to the PM Notification List pronto!

    Thank you again, Katie. The review is most appreciated.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  18. #18

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    *shakes head*
    What?! Syra has been working on a fic! And I didn't know about it! I have commited Blasphomy by not being on as much!

    Anyway, it was a great prolouge, your description was impecible, and I think I'm going to need Webster Online in order to read the next chapter xX;

    I didn't find to any mistakes, and so far I am very interested in what will happen, though I am curious on how this magician ties in with the summery in your sig.

    *puts up tent and prepares to be advid reader*

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    (This isn't happening)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Byzantium
    *shakes head*
    What?! Syra has been working on a fic! And I didn't know about it! I have commited Blasphomy by not being on as much!

    Anyway, it was a great prolouge, your description was impecible, and I think I'm going to need Webster Online in order to read the next chapter xX;

    I didn't find to any mistakes, and so far I am very interested in what will happen, though I am curious on how this magician ties in with the summery in your sig.

    *puts up tent and prepares to be advid reader*

    00
    Byzan! NIGHTS! *gives Ringo cookie*

    Nah, you definitely won't need Webster Online for the first chapter, I use words that I am really comfortable with. (Actually, coarsely was the only word in the Prologue that I never used before). And, I must congratulate you on doing the analysis upon the sig's summary and the magician...she isn't mentioned in there at all, due to the fact that I want to keep her character well hidden, not accusing her of much as of yet. Though, I've been meaning to make another one, I just have to think about what I want to put in there, whether its the Gods of the Ends or about the Dragonriders...x.x;

    Thank you SO much for the review, Byzan, I really appreciate it!
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  20. #20
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    FWEE! *appears from stage right and tries to do can-can in glee, but falls on own ass* @_@

    Anyway, sir. ^^ I knew this was gonna pwn; I just knew it. (And not just because I read the previews and such, either.) And my suspicions were correct, it would seem, for indeed, this piece already kicks uber-loads of buttocks-cheeks. The language is as lyrical and captivating as I knew I could expect from you; intoxicating, even. God, I love it. ^^ And you've once again presented an instantly absorbing, otherworldly setting that speaks of nifty things to come for sure in future chapters. ^^

    WARNING! IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH CARRION-EATING POKEMON EATING BLOODY FLESH OF AGGRON, OR SWORDS SLICING OFF THE HEAD OF A HUMAN, OR ANY TYPE OF BLOOD AT ALL, EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
    You do realize that’s basically like a dinner bell to my mind, yes? ^______^

    Rylazo was the Goddess of Magic, the Female Mage of Doom, the Cosmos Queen.
    I thought I was the Female Mage of Doom… ;-; DAMMIT, I WANNA BE A NAKEY MAGICIAN, TOO!

    o.o

    What did I just?...IT'S SABER'S FAULT! AH, NADS! WHY, SABER? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT? YOU'VE CREATED A MONSTER!....And I love you for it. XP *hugs Saber*

    *then remembers this review is for Syra and hugs him too* Aheh heh heh... ^^;;


    Anyway, there were certainly lots of tasty verbal chocolate throughout the prologue, but I think I will have to cite the following as THE loveliest excerpt from the prologue:

    White flares of fire came into sight, wandering the crispy still air and whispering a devastating symphony.
    So lovely...*squeezes you and gives you a magic baton for that*

    So, in short, we have a story that is pwning from the outset. If this is one of the parts that you find "disgusting"....I wonder what sort of staggering goodness we can expect from the parts with which you're pleased?...

    o.o

    Whoa...this could be huge...


    I wanted to revise it, replacing Donphan with Raikou to make it more...exciting, in my case, but since Donphan aren't really used, I thought this would be a perfect chance to give him some limelight. :3
    Good call. ^^ *huggles Donphan*

    *throws out more dragon cookies from Galabonian Starbucks*
    Dammit! Starbucks got to there, too? IS NO LAND SAFE?!…

    And, um…do I get a dragon cookie? :3

    Well, even if I don't...*happily squishes you again* ^^ Fweeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... You rock. Keep up the yumminess. ^^
    Last edited by Sike Saner; 9th January 2006 at 6:09 AM.
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

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    Sike, Sike, Sike, Starbucks is EVERYWHERE. Even on the moon. o_o;;

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    O.O I didn't notice this until now, darn it!! I thought I asked to be put on the PM list...*doesn't remember*


    ....Saber, I swear, you ruined the moment with your NAKEY MAGICIAN input...but I <3 you for that, twinneh. ;D

    *remember's that this is a review*

    :O My bad. So yeah...let's officially start this review ^^

    ~~~~

    I really enjoyed this Syra. Alot. It was much better than I expected! I read it aloud (I'm alone, just so you know ;D) and it made more sense when I did. I really LOVE Rylazo. She seems like an awesome character, especially with her looking like one of my favorite magicians from Yu-Gi-Oh ^^; I have alot of things to point out....or as I like to say, poke at. =D

    WARNING! IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH CARRION-EATING POKEMON EATING BLOODY FLESH OF AGGRON, OR SWORDS SLICING OFF THE HEAD OF A HUMAN, OR ANY TYPE OF BLOOD AT ALL, EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
    As Sike said....you do realize this only drags me in further, yes? ^^

    His truck waved crazily while sneezing, but his movement continued to carry him through the sandstorm and towards the mountainous rock face.
    Shouldn't that be trunk? It sounded funny when I read it aloud...lol.

    White flares of fire came into sight, wandering the crispy still air and whispering a devastating symphony. They licked the atmosphere clean from its sweet scent, leaving behind the choking stench of a boisterous ring of combustion. Golden slashes of the wind followed after the miraculous appearance, winding and rotating around the magical human.
    So...pretty. So...vivid. Are you sure I'm not seeing this?! I'm reading it?? <3

    It wasn’t belong long that the silhouette of a beast came into sight, sparks dancing across her beautiful skin before being swallowed back into the distance.
    Where it's bolded, I got confused. Is it just me or is that the wrong word choice there? I would say something along the lines of, "before long"


    So, yeah, that's what I wanted to point out ^^ I really thorougly enjoyed this prologue, Syra and I can't wait for the rest. Um, since I wasn't added last time to the PM list, can I be added now? Thanks again!

    Can't wait until Chapter One!! *hugs* ^_^
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    Lelouch is watching over all of us.

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    Sike and Mimori, thank you SO SO SO much for the wonderful reviews. ;_; It means so much to me. ;_; *gives dragon hugs*

    Scrap, you're right. Starbucks is everywhere. I have one in my own kitchen. ^^

    Sike, I'm sorry that Rylazo took away your title, the Female Mage of Doom. *gives her a purple-crystal crown* I shall call you the Goddess of Wrath. ^^ But contrary to belief, the funniest thing happened; for nearly half of the story, I forgot that I created her in the story. o.o Basically, I wrote the Prologue nearly four months ago, and then once I gathered all ideas and began writing it two months later, I completely forgot about how I wanted her to appear all throughout the first part, and therefore, created so many others things; the Slinx Insanity Virus, the Alpha Assassin Omyte, the infected clans of Pokemon, and so much more. Disasters, pink fires, trees of flames, everything; the unnatural and natural will be happening in here.

    Mimori, I'm so sorry for not adding you to the PM Notification List! ;_; *gives extra-bigga-big dragon cookie with a black heart on it* ^^ I will definitely not forget once I get done posting this message, but thank you for finding those two mistakes, for I need to change them before other people might come and review and notice the same thing. Also, I'm glad that not many people are afraid of reading about possibly a bit graphic scenes; the Aggron carcass part is more graphic than when the head gets chopped off by the sword in the first part, but I have morbid friends! *gives coffee and slices of poundcake* ^^ And I give out food in my stories!

    Chapter Progress: Well, I need to read over the first chapter, for it'll be released tomorrow afternoon. I have homework to do, as well as a request from someone to wait to update so he/she can review (and I won't tell who! No, no, nono-super-no!) but nevertheless, the update's coming tomorrow. It is over ten pages, so don't expect the second chapter so soon. Probably Sunday, next Monday, or next Tuesday. ^^ *trottles off*
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  24. #24
    +Chaos Blade+ Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Serpent Syra
    ;_; Chaos, that was such a touching review. I don't even know what to say...THANK YOU, MY BROTHER! *gives mega-dragon cookie*

    Yes, I have very much improved from Bloodstained Swords, though sometimes, I really feel a bit down that I never got a chance to finish, let alone, save it instead of deleting it - the characters and new dragon-types would have come to great use in Rhapsody. Nevertheless, I really hope that I show people how much of a fantasy writer as I am, though, I will also start focusing on action and adventuring. But thank you so much, Chaos, I really appreciate it coming from such a talented fantasy author as yourself. And good luck with Din - let me know when it comes out.
    *places on Notification List prior to everyone else* My 'brother', you are on the list. But as per your statement of me being a Fantasy writer, bear in mind that this is my first Fantasy fic - I've been writing Trainer fics all my life, so I'm incorporating that into Din as well.

    Well, good luck and good reviews, Syra.

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    Oh, from the way you wrote the Prologue and everything, I could have sworn you had been writing fantasy for a couple of years or so. No fair! You became a fantasy writer faster than me (it took me several fantasy books and constant practicing with the writing before I called myself a fantasy writer. Before, I was more of an adventure writer, and still am, for I like big journies across the fields. >3) But glad to know that I can read another great story in the future! Thank you again for the review, Chaos.

    Well as stated before, the first chapter of Rhapsody will come out tomorrow. I still need to finish the last four chapters, in which I probably won't for a little bit, probably make them average-length to get them over with.
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

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